#Because when you are a mid to late teenager watching these movies the implications are horrifying

[valengory1234]

Watching the rise of red is really funny to me in the fandom space because so many people who have watched it are talking about how they Grew Up on the original Descendants and I’m realizing that not everyone was 16 when the first one came out

[a-second-hand-sorrow]

Jackie and Wilson (Barry Berkman X Reader)

WC: 5801

Warnings: Swearing, drinking, sexual implications, angst at the end

Summary: Barry and Y/N’s relationship seen through Hozier’s ‘Jackie and Wilson’

Tagged: @billhaderlovebot @danny-fucking-mercury

A/N: Hey guys so this was my first time writing for Barry and I hope you all enjoy it bc I really liked writing this!

So tired trying to see from behind the red in my eyes

No better version of me I could pretend to be tonight

So deep in this swill with the most familiar of swine

For reasons wretched and divine

 Barry hated his life. He hated that he killed people for money, he hated that he was at Fuches’ beck and call, he hated the anger and the violence. He didn’t just hate it though, he was tired of it. Tired of all the red in his ledger. His entire life had been violence and too much blood had been spilled by his hands. The hands that were currently gripping the neck of a beer bottle with a little too much force.

In a last-ditch attempt to find some sort of purpose in his life Barry had sat in on Ryan’s acting class and had found that he loved it, and even though every fibre of his body was screaming ‘Say no!’ when Sally invited him to join the class at Residuals, he ended up agreeing, and that was where he was. Instead of returning to the shitty motel he was lodged at, he was in a booth at a bar somewhere in downtown LA, clutching his bottle of beer like it was a life raft. 

“So Barry, did you just move here?” Someone asked, bringing him out of his daze as he refocused his eyes on the people sitting in the booth with him.

 “Oh uh yeah, from Cleveland.” He responded half-heartedly, just keeping the conversation going for the sake of being polite. The conversation seemed to progress as everyone said where they were from, Barry nodding every now and then to show that he was still somewhat present.

He took a long drink from his bottle, eyes widening slightly when he heard Sally ask him to go dance. He shook his head, wiping his mouth before uttering a feeble excuse as to why he couldn’t dance. Sally didn’t believe him at all, that much was clear from her face, but she conceded, informing him that she’d be on the dance floor if he needed her. He nodded, watching as she walked away, along with the rest of the class, leaving Barry at the booth by himself. 

He sighed, slumping forward so his head was in his hands. He so desperately wanted to be able to relax and have fun with these people, but he couldn’t. He was so deep in all the shit his job entailed he was almost incapable of relaxing. 

Barry took in a deep breath and lifted his head, flagging down someone and asking for another bottle of beer and a shot of vodka. He shot the waiter a tight-lipped smile as he walked away, smiling again when he returned with the requested drinks.

Barry downed the shot first, cringing at how the alcohol burned his throat. He’d done plenty of vodka shots in his life but he rarely let himself feel the pain that came with them. He then started on his beer, watching the oddly lit tavern with a curious eye.

He so desperately wished he wasn’t who he was, that he was someone else who was free from the wretched constraints currently placed upon him by Fuches. Or maybe that he was a better version of himself, one that didn’t kill people as easily as a child might squash an ant. 

Who was he kidding? There was no better version of himself he could ever pretend to be, not tonight or ever. If he had learnt anything from the class, it’s that he certainly wasn’t the world’s best actor.

 She blows outta nowhere, roman candle of the wild

Laughing away through my feeble disguise

No other version of me I would rather be tonight.

And, Lord, she found me just in time

In Barry’s moment of anguish and self-pity, he had failed to notice the woman who had sat herself down opposite him in the booth. She had something that looked like a mojito or another tropical drink in her hand and she was looking him up and down, trying to understand this stranger.

“You look a little too pretty to be sitting here alone, mister.” She said, and Barry nearly jumped out of his seat. His eyes were wide as he looked at her, his brows furrowing in confusion at her sudden appearance.

“I’m sorry, what?” He said, and the woman sighed, holding up a finger as a gesture for him to wait as she took a drink from her glass. 

“I said you look a little too pretty, and now I’m realising maybe a little too sad, to be sitting here alone.” She said, and Barry felt his cheeks start to burn under the scrutinous eye of this obviously drunk stranger.

“You seem a little too drunk to be commenting on strangers.” Barry said, unusually curt, though he attributed that to the alcohol and the session of self-pity. The woman simply raised her eyebrows before stretching her hand out across the table.

“It seems we have gotten off on the wrong foot, pretty man. My name is Y/N.” She said, and Barry gave her a quick look up and down before taking her hand in his and shaking it.

“I’m Barry. Sorry for being so rude, I’ve just been having a rough time lately.” Barry said, and Y/N shrugged her shoulders, taking another drink.

“We all have rough times, what matters is how we deal with them Barry. For example, being rude to strangers isn’t great but it is better than, I don’t know, murder.” Y/N said, chuckling to herself as Barry froze up.

How did she know? Was she sent here by someone? He started to panic, grabbing for his beer and downing most of what remained as Y/N watched on with curiosity.

“Man, you’re an interesting guy, Barry. So how does a pretty guy such as yourself end up at Residuals at this hour?” Y/N asked, watching Barry’s face change ever so slightly before he answered.

He told her all about how he moved from Cleveland and how he hated his job (that was no lie) and as they talked, and talked, and talked, Barry realised that perhaps he needed someone like Y/N in his life. She was so easy to talk to, and Barry felt he had known her his whole life instead of the few hours he had really known her for.

He thought back to his earlier anger and his wish to be some other version of himself, and he immediately retracted his wish. He had decided that there was no other version of himself he would rather be, because if he was any different he might not have known Y/N the way he now knew her, and he couldn’t stand that thought.

As he looked across at her, her face and arms animated as she told a story that Barry couldn’t quite remember the details of, he realised that not only was Y/N the one that found him, but by God she found him just in time.

 Cause with my mid-youth crisis all said and done

I need to be youthfully felt 'cause, God, I never felt young

 As the night started to draw to a close, Barry had completely forgotten the internal crisis that has plagued him before. Instead, all he now focused on was Y/N. The charismatic stranger who he now knew very well, and as he stared into her eyes he realised that she was very attractive and he very much wanted to kiss her.

“Earth to Barry, come in Barry.” Y/N said, waving her hands in front of his face. He jumped slightly, focusing in on the woman who looked at him with a soft smile.

“You spaced out there for a sec. I was just going to ask if you wanted to get out of here, because it’s nearly closing time but also I think you’re pretty great and don’t want to say goodnight just yet.” Y/N said, wringing her hands slightly as she watched anxiously for Barry’s reaction.

“That sounds great, yeah. I’d like that.” Barry said, and Y/N’s face lit up in a smile. She jumped up excitedly, pulling her jacket on while still beaming, and Barry couldn’t help the smile that crossed his face in response to her joy.

She left a bunch of money on the table as a means of payment for the drinks, and soon Barry was hurriedly waving goodbye to the few remaining members of the acting class as he walked out just behind Y/N. They walked for a few metres until they were near the side of Residuals.

“So Y/N, where did you want to.” Barry’s sentence died as Y/N cupped his face, bringing him into a somewhat messy kiss. Barry’s eyes fluttered shut instinctively but when he truly realised what was happening his eyes flew open. 

Y/N had her hand on his face and she was kissing him. This beautiful woman was kissing him voluntarily, and he wasn’t kissing back because he was analysing it. Fuck, he thought, I should probably kiss her back.

Barry’s eyes closed as he returned the kiss, allowing himself to give into the joy that he was feeling. Y/N was somewhat forceful, and before he knew it she had backed him up against the rough wall, tangling her other hand in his dark hair as they continued to kiss.

Y/N broke away and Barry took in a shaky breath, his head falling back against the wall as she began to press kisses down his jawline and neck. His hands were against her back, clutching the fabric of her shirt so tight his hands hurt.

He hadn’t done anything like this in a very long time. He hadn’t been wanted in a very long time, at least not romantically… or sexually. He was brought from his thoughts by Y/N’s teeth grazing over a particularly sensitive spot on his neck, a groan spilling from the back of his throat.

Barry felt her smirk against his neck at the sound he made, and he knew he was in trouble. Y/N pulled away from him, her chest heaving almost in time with Barry’s. She looked up at him and he let out a breathy laugh.

“What?” She said, not cruelly or harshly, but with a soft curiosity that made Barry want to smile.

“I feel like a fucking teenager.” Barry said, almost giggling as he uttered those words. The irony in them was that Barry didn’t really have the ideal teenage years with the parties and reckless behaviour and everything you see in the movies. He was a good kid in high school and went into the marines pretty much right out of high school. 

Y/N let out a laugh, pressing a kiss to the corner of Barry’s mouth. “Well, it’s good to feel young.” She whispered in his ear, raising the hairs on the nape of his neck as he shuddered, inhaling deeply.

Barry never really got to feel young, and as Y/N’s lips found his again with more force he realised that if being with Y/N was what being young felt like, he wanted to feel young for the rest of his life.

 She's gonna save me,

Call me "baby"

Run her hands through my hair

She'll know me crazy

Soothe me daily

Better yet she wouldn't care

 Barry woke up the next morning feeling strangely peaceful. There was a dull ache in his head and an arm wrapped around his waist. Y/N’s arm, he realised, and his heart sped up. He looked down at her, her eyes still closed and her face as relaxed as could be, and he smiled.

He fought the urge to reach down and push her hair behind her ear, and he felt a strange sense of pride flow throw him when he saw the marks that decorated her neck.

He went to close his eyes again but heard the distinctive buzz of his phone. He groaned loudly, stretching his arm out to grab the phone, however his heart dropped when he saw the message. It was from Fuches, informing him that the next hit had been moved to tonight instead of next Wednesday. He swore, putting the phone face down on the bedside table and dropping his head into his hands.

Amongst all the noise and movement, Y/N had woken up groggily. She rubbed her eyes slowly, but when she saw Barry in a state of distress she was wide awake.

“Shit Barry, are you ok? What’s up?” She said, her voice still riddled with sleep as she sat up, looking over at Barry who had lifted his head slightly, meeting her worried eyes.

“It’s… it’s just shit with work. You don’t have to worry. I’ll go make breakfast, you can go back to sleep.” Barry said, throwing the covers off his legs. Y/N frowned in confusion before reaching out to grab Barry’s wrist.

“I know we only met last night but you can talk to me Barry. If we never see each other again then think of it as an inexpensive therapy, and if we do see each other again then it’s still inexpensive therapy but you get more sessions.” Y/N said, lightly running her thumb against his wrist and the look he gave her was so full of emotion it almost hurt.

He almost collapsed into her arms, grasping at her oversized shirt as she held him. Barry had been forced to be strong and hold it together for far too long, and there was something about Y/N’s genuine want to help him out however she could that just broke him.

She rubbed his back with one hand, gently running the other through his hair, occasionally pressing kisses to the crown of his head. “It’s ok baby, take as long as you need, but if I have to go to the bathroom then you’re getting booted, I’m sorry.” Y/N said, and Barry laughed, his entire body shuddering slightly against her as he did.

There was something so soothing about her touch, and he felt that even though they were practically strangers, she seemed to know him in a crazily intimate way. She knew just what words to say to help him out, when to speak and when to remain quiet, and the best part of the morning was that she didn’t care.

Y/N didn’t care that he suddenly collapsed onto her and laid there for half an hour in almost silence, she didn’t care that he clearly was suffering more than he let on. She just took every moment as it came, and every time her hands wound into his hair and she called him baby in that soft voice of hers he swore that he wouldn’t ever give this up.

 We'll steal her Lexus,

Be detectives,

Ride 'round picking up clues

 Several weeks had passed since that night at Residuals, and Barry was feeling happier than he had ever felt before. Even though he was still being made to do work for Fuches, it wasn’t consuming him and eating away at him like it used to. He almost felt normal with Y/N, something he had spent the last 20 years yearning for.

“Hey babe, I really need to practice this scene for class and Sally’s busy so would you be able to run lines with me?” Barry said, causing Y/N to look up from her battered copy of Pet Sematary.

“Sure. I’m warning you now that I certainly will not be as good as Sally. I haven’t done anything close to acting since the ninth grade. What’s the scene?” Y/N asked, putting down her book and moving to stand behind Barry, resting her hands on his shoulders.

“It’s uh, a scene from A Streetcar Named Desire. Mr Cousineau wanted to challenge us with some more classic plays.” Barry said, craning his head to make eye contact with his girlfriend.

“Oh yeah, I remember studying this in junior year. Challenging is the right word for it.” Y/N muttered, causing Barry to chuckle, nodding his head as he picked up the script.

“Did you wanna start now?” Barry asked and Y/N nodded, removing her hands so Barry could stand up. They moved into position, and Barry passed Y/N his copy of the script.

“I tried to memorise my lines, but if I fuck up just give me the right line, ok?” Barry said and Y/N nodded, smiling at him.

“I take it I’m Blanche?” She said and Barry nodded, taking in a deep breath with his eyes closed, clearly getting into character. Y/N gazed over the script and realised that she had the first line, cursing under her breath before starting.

“Well, well.” She said, her lines punctuated by an uneasy (in-character) laugh from Barry, who looked at her meekly.

“I guess it must be pretty late – and you’re tired.” Barry said, and Y/N had to fight her laugh at the slight New Orleans twist he had added to his voice.

“Even the hot tamale man has deserted the street, and he hangs on till the end.” Y/N said, cringing at how stilted the words sounded. “How will you get home?” She continued, hoping she didn’t sound as robotic as she thought she did.

“I’ll walk over to Bourbon and catch a streetcar.” Barry said, and as Y/N’s eyes flicked down again she realised he had slightly messed up his words.

“Sorry hun, it’s an ‘owl-car’ not a streetcar.” She said and Barry swore under his breath, nodding as he gave her a thumbs up.

“Thanks, let’s keep going.” He said, prompting Y/N to look at the script and deliver her next line. It said for her to laugh grimly, however whatever she did sounded more like a witch’s cackle.

“Is that streetcar named Desire still grinding along the tracks at this hour?” Y/N said, trying to add a southern twang to her accent but failing miserably. She couldn’t help but laugh at the situation, knowing she was probably no help to Barry at all.

Quickly her soft laughter turned into a full-blown fit, and soon Barry was laughing as well, watching his girlfriend throw herself on his couch in a frenzy of laughter. 

“God I am so shit at this. Like so incredibly bad.” Y/N said through her giggles, looking up at Barry with wide eyes.

“I mean, I’ve seen worse.” Barry said, sitting down next to her. She raised her eyebrows, sitting up straight and turning to face Barry.

“Do not bullshit me, Berkman. That was utter trash and you know it.” Y/N said, looking him dead in the eyes and watching as he broke, nodding his head with a tight lipped smile on his face.

“Yeah it was pretty bad.” He said and Y/N laughed loudly, resting her head against Barry’s shoulder.

“I’m sick of all this acting stuff. I have an idea. I think we should just let loose and steal a car, then go on a crazy cool road trip.” Y/N said, and Barry pulled a confused face.

“Y/N are you ok? How much sleep did you get last night?” Barry asked, and Y/N waved her hand dismissively.

“That doesn’t matter. Ooh, maybe we could get some cheap cop costumes and pretend to be detectives solving our own little case. That could be fun, right?” Y/N says, taking Barry’s hand and playing with his fingers as she spoke.

“We could always go to the beach in October just for the hell of it.” Barry said and Y/N smiled widely, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“Now you’ve got it. Keep the ideas coming, Berkman. I’ve got all day.”

 We'll name our children

Jackie and Wilson

Raise 'em on rhythm and blues

 Barry and Y/N had been together for about two and a half months, verging on three, and they loved every second of it. Neither of them had ever been with someone who complimented them so well, and Barry was so grateful for her presence in his life.

It was a quiet night. The two of them had been curled up in Y/N’s bed watching one of the cheesy 2000’s rom coms from Y/N’s collection, and once the movie had finished they were content to just lie in each other’s arms in bed.

A comfortable silence had settled over them until Y/N suddenly broke it. “Do you ever think about the future, Barry?” Barry was a little startled by her sudden question and he rolled over to face her, studying her features in the dim bedroom light.

“I don’t know. I guess my mind tends to wander sometimes, but I only ever think about the little future-related things.” Barry said, his answer a little basic due to his tired state.

“Well, do you ever think about our future, then?” Y/N asked, a little more hesitant as she waited for Barry’s answer.

“Yeah, a lot. I feel like such a little kid, but I daydream a lot. Sometimes in rehearsals, sometimes at work, and without fail they’re always dreams about us.” Barry said softly, and the blush that coated Y/N’s cheeks was almost noticeable, even in the dark room. There was a look in her eyes that prompted Barry to keep talking.

“Sometimes it’s us living together, sometimes us on holiday together, sometimes us married with kids.” Barry said, his voice softening. He didn’t want to scare Y/N away with the idea of marriage and kids. They’d only been together for a few months but he knew she’d be the one he’d marry and have a family with.

“You think about us getting married and having kids?” Y/N said, looking at Barry with more love in her eyes than he had ever seen, and he nodded gently, his hand reaching out to cup her face. Y/N smiled, leaning into his touch as she brought her own hand up to rest over his.

“So do I. I love you so much Barry, and I want to spend my life with you. Really.” She said, feeling her heart soar as she looked into Barry’s eyes.

“Are you proposing to me, Y/L/N? That’s very unorthodox of you.” Barry said, and Y/N laughed, shaking her head.

“I’m not proposing, baby. I’m just saying that you’re the best thing in my life. Similar but different, I can understand the confusion.” Y/N said, causing Barry to let out a laugh that was cut short by him kissing Y/N tenderly.

“I like the name Jackie.” Y/N said once they pulled away and Barry looked at her with a raised eyebrow, prompting her to keep talking.

“For a girl, obviously, and for a boy I’ve always liked the name Wilson. It was my dad’s name.” She said, and a look of understanding crossed Barry’s face.

“They’re both great names.” Barry said and Y/N smiled, pecking his cheek as they moved into a more suitable sleeping position, her head on his chest and his arm around her shoulders.

“I can’t wait to have a family with you, Barry Berkman. I love you.”

 Lord, it'd be great to find a place we could escape sometime

Me and my Isis growing black irises in the sunshine

Every version of me dead and buried in the yard outside

Sit back and watch the world go by.

 “Hey babe, look what I got!” Y/N called to her boyfriend from the front of their house. They had been together for six months and were moving into a tiny house in the outer suburbs of Los Angeles that they had miraculously been able to purchase.

A lot of their friends said they were moving pretty quickly, but Y/N and Barry never listened to them. The moving process was messy and tiresome, but it was mostly finished. They were now just working on minor things, which is what prompted Y/N to go out looking for plants.

“They had these super cool black irises at the nursery so I picked some up for the garden. Did you know that they’re the national flower of Jordan? The lady at the store told me.” Y/N said, carefully setting the pots down on their front porch.

Barry had emerged from the house and was looking at Y/N with a loving smile. She wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a brief kiss, pulling away before gently pecking his lips once more.

“Front yard or back?” Barry asked, his hands resting on her hips. Y/N chuckled softly, shrugging her shoulders.

“Whatever you want, babe.” Y/N said, winking exaggeratedly at Barry who just rolled his eyes.

“Back yard it is. Let’s go plant these interesting flowers.” Barry said, picking up a pot and looking at it inquisitively as he made his way to the backyard.

“Don’t bully the flowers, Barry! They’re the national flower of Jordan, treat them with some respect!” Y/N hollered as she followed Barry, the other pot clutched in her hands.

Barry laughed to himself, marvelling at how domestic the situation was. Never in a million years did he think he would be planting flowers in the small backyard of the house he shared with his girlfriend, but life is funny sometimes. Even though he still hadn’t told Y/N the truth about how he had enough money to afford the house, he wanted to enjoy every moment with her.

The planting of the flowers was fun and did involve a bit of a dirt war, but once everything was properly taken care of, the couple stood in the small garden, Barry’s arms around Y/N’s waist from behind and his head in the crook of her neck as they looked at their handiwork.

“I could stay here forever. Just standing here with you, watching the world go by. I love it.” Barry said suddenly, his breath on Y/N’s neck causing hairs to raise.

“Ideally I’d like to be sitting down if I’m watching the world go by, but I get where you’re coming from.” Y/N said, and Barry let out a short laugh, pressing a kiss to the nape of her neck.

Barry decided then and there that he only ever wanted to be this version of himself. The one who got to love and be loved by Y/N. The one who got to plant flowers and hold her close to him. As he looked at the garden over Y/N’s shoulder, he realised that in a way every other version of himself was dead and buried in the yard with the irises, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

 Happy to lie back watch it burn and rust

We tried the world, good God, it wasn't for us.

 Barry’s phone had been going off non-stop for the past week. Fuches and Hank had been calling and texting, always inquiring about the big hit he had coming up. Did he have enough ammo? Did he know exactly where he was supposed to be at what time? Did he know enough about the target? Did he make sure to eat breakfast because being a hitman is busy work and can maybe make you forget meals? That last one was Hank, ever the polite criminal mastermind.

He had given Y/N an endless list of apologies and excuses, and he started to think she might be seeing through them. The last thing he wanted was for her to find out (even though he knew that he’d have to tell her eventually), least of all for her to find out in such a lazy way as accidentally picking up a phone call meant for Barry.

He was watching an old episode of Family Ties with Y/N, and just as she was laughing at some Michael J Fox-as-Alex P Keaton said, Barry’s phone went off. It was another text from Fuches, and he cursed as he saw it.

“Who keeps texting you babe? If you’ve got a mistress you might want to be a bit better at keeping it covered up.” Y/N said from her perch on the couch, legs folded under her.

Barry pulled a face, shaking his head. “Firstly I don’t have a mistress and the fact that you think I’d ever have one hurts a little, and secondly it’s work again. I swear they won’t leave me alone.” Barry said, shoving his phone in his pocket as he desperately tried to ignore the incessant buzzing.

“Babe, here’s a wild thought. How about you try ignoring it? Turn your phone completely off, lie back and ignore it all.” Y/N said, and Barry’s face screwed up slightly. He knew she had a point but there was no way he could do that without significant consequences.

“If you don’t do it, I will.” Y/N said, raising her eyebrows as she looked at Barry with a challenging expression, daring him to turn off his phone. He caved under the intense stare of his girlfriend, and he turned his phone completely off and placed it on a nearby coffee table.

“Now how about you turn off the TV, I’ll turn on the radio and we can relax. Maybe we can dance, I don’t know.” She said, and Barry nodded, picking up the TV remote and turning the thing off, cutting Steven Keaton off in the middle of his sentence.

Y/N got up, shooting Barry a wink as she moved over to the stereo, turning it on. She smiled at the sound of Jackie Wilson’s voice coming through the speakers, starting to move in time with the beat.

“Join me, Berkman.” She said, stretching her arms out towards him. Barry smiled and moved closer to her, wrapping his arms around her waist as they swayed to the rhythm of the music.

“You know what I’ve realised?” Y/N said, her arms snacking around Barry’s neck as he hummed in acknowledgement, looking down at her.

“I don’t think the world gets us, or at least some of the people in it. They always judge and try and pull us apart in some way, so I think that maybe the world isn’t for us, Bear.” Y/N said, watching Barry’s face soften at the nickname for him that she used sparingly.

“I think I get what you mean, and just saying, I love how your mind works.” Barry said, kissing Y/N’s forehead as she giggled.

“I love you, bear.”

 Cut clean from the dream at night let my mind reset

Looking up from a cigarette, and she's already left

I start digging up the yard for what's left of me and our little vignette

For whatever poor soul is coming next

  The hit had gone badly. He had taken almost every measure to make it go smoothly, but he couldn’t account for the sheer fight his target gave. He did the job, but he was battered and bruised and angry. Not just angry, raging.

When he got home he just wanted to get out of his gear, have a shower and either sleep or punch a wall, whichever happened first. He pushed open the door of the house, expecting to find it quiet and dark as always. However, he was instead met with a sight he hadn’t prepared for. Y/N was sitting at the kitchen table in her pyjamas, dark purple bags under her eyes and a lit cigarette in her hand, the smoke curling upwards like some sort of twisted moth chasing the light.

Barry’s mouth opened and closed several times like a fish’s, trying to find something to say to his girlfriend. “Don’t fucking think about it, Barry.” Y/N said sharply, and his mouth closed fully as he searched for the trademark joy in Y/N’s eyes. All he could find was anger, an emotion he knew all too well.

“I’m not going to ask for an explanation, I just want to know something. Are you seeing someone else?” Y/N asked, taking a drag from her cigarette as Barry shook his head violently, taking a step closer to Y/N.

“No, I’m not seeing anyone else, Y/N. You know me.” He said, taking another step and reaching his hand out to rest on her arm, however she shook her head, taking another drag of the cigarette before speaking.

“Do I, Barry? Do I really know you, because the Barry I know wouldn’t come home at one in the fucking morning decked out in black, looking like he’s hiding something. Are you, Barry?” Y/N asked, her voice dropping to a deadly quiet as she asked the fatal question.

“Am I what?” He asked, though he knew deep down what she was asking him. He just didn’t want to face it.

“Are you hiding something from me?” Y/N said, putting her cigarette out on the kitchen table with a forceful hand. Barry refused to meet her eyes, his shoulders dropping in resignation. Y/N narrowed her eyes, biting her lip as she stood up.

“Fuck. I’m going to stay with Natalie for a while. Talk to me when you’re ready to grow up, Barry.” She said, storming past him to the door. Their eyes met briefly in the doorway, and Y/N had to look away to stop herself from crying.

She loved Barry with her whole heart, but he was clearly a different person to what he had showed her. There was something going on, and Y/N couldn’t be around him while he sorted that out. The door shut behind her and she wiped away tears as she pulled out her phone to call Natalie.

At the same time inside the house Barry pounded his fist into the kitchen table, crying out at the pain. “Fuck!” He yelled, slumping down into the chair Y/N was just in. 

He knew this was too good to be true, that it wouldn’t last. It was nothing more than a lengthy dream, pleasant and beautiful but finite. In a moment of nostalgia, he found himself going out to the garden. He stared at the black irises, remembering the day they had been planted… remembering how it was before what just happened.

In a way those flowers were all he had left of his time with Y/N. The flowers and all the memories, now slightly tainted by sadness like a sepia filter being applied to something that was once in colour.

He didn’t realise that he had stated crying until he could taste the salty tears on his own lips, and his hands rushed up to wipe them away. He longed to be back in Y/N’s arms, but instead he was alone in the garden, trying to find what was left of himself.

[ofwizardsandmen]

Maybe

College AU 

Maybe being more than just friends with isn’t as impossible as their insecurities made them believe every other day.

Pairing: Tara x Mark 

Word count: 2k

The smell of freshly roasted coffee beans hits Tara’s nostrils as soon as she walks into M’s café. It’s early in the morning and the place is almost empty except for —obviously and as per usual— M, a girl in the far end corner of the shop and a middle-aged man standing by the cashier.

Tara takes her spot in her favorite table next to the wall and starts placing her stuff on the table when the entrance door flies open and a hooded figure trots in. A smile forms on Tara’s lips but vanishes when the man pushes the hood, revealing blond strands of hair. Huffing in disappointment, she pouts slightly and goes back to the task of taking her laptop off her vintage Dior mini travel bag. Yet, she’s interrupted once again when the blond guy greets her from the counter

“Hi, Tara, what can I serve you today?” Sungjae doesn’t say it, but Tara swears he feels tempted to ask what’s wrong with her face because she’s fully aware of how deadly pale and sick she looks this morning.

“A double espresso, please.” She says simply as she opens her laptop. “With a spoon of arsenic, if possible” She adds, making Sungjae and herself chuckle.

“Ugh, sorry. Still haven’t found a way to merge the coffee shop with a dark apothecary” M joins the conversation once the middle-aged man picks his coffee and walks out. “It’s just 8 am, it might not be that bad”

“Do you even know who my brother is-?” Tara begins and Sungjae groans at the simple mention of Tyler Lee

“Ok, correction” He interrupts “It can be that bad”  

Tara nods in agreement and places her elbows on the table “It was and I truly believed it’d be better now that he’s a university student, but he’s worse” She lets out a deep sigh before she returns to her laptop and Sungjae moves to prepare her coffee, but M remains on the very same spot looking at her hesitantly, as though he wanted to say something, but he couldn’t push himself to.

Noticing his eyes on her, Tara contemplates the options. She could as well say nothing, move on and continue to feel miserable or she could talk to someone —M, for example—, get things off her chest and be miserable afterward.

“To the hell with it, I hate Tyler, he’s just so freaking immature and believes I’m some dumb teenager who doesn’t know what she’s doing or is stupid enough to let people take advantage of her.” Tara almost feels as though the heavy burden that stopped her from breathing properly has finally been released, but the feeling is short-lived once the memories of the previous night assault her thoughts for the umpteenth time that day. “And he is so rude. I am so embarrassed he’s my brother. Can I die so I don’t have to go to class?” She whines, burying her face in her hands.

“Wow, I didn’t know it was this bad” M meditates his words for a brief moment before going on “I wouldn’t know since I don’t have any sisters, but maybe he just feels responsible for whatever happens to you, so-“

“So he had to embarrass me in front of my-“ Another word is about to come off Tara’s lips, but she stops herself “my classmate”

A small knowing smile makes its way onto M’s lips, but Tara is already too engrossed in telling the story of how her brother made a scene after finding  Mark in her apartment, to notice.

“I don’t know what he has in that perverted brain of his, but we were literally studying, we were doing the whole table full of books and cup of coffee in hand, and he still had the nerve to accuse Mark of planning and I quote him “take advantage of my innocence”. What am I? A 4-year-old?” Tara vents, huffing every once in a while to express her frustration. “Mark probably hates me now” she sighs this time “Tyler was awful to him, I wouldn’t blame him if he never wants to hang out with me again”

“Oh, come on, have you ever seen the way he-“ Sungjae stops mid-sentence and trying to act as casual as the slight blush on his face allows him to, he places the cup of coffee on the counter. “I mean, no. Why would you think that?”

“Because Mark was supposed to be here to finish our group assignment, like half of an hour ago and he’s nowhere to be seen, so-“

“He probably overslept” M interrupts this time as he places the coffee on Tara’s table.

“He’s never late,” Tara says matter-of-factly. “I even came late on purpose”

“Maybe he forgot?” Sungjae ventures from the cashier.

“Maybe he doesn’t want anything to do with someone who is treated like a little child by her idiotic brother?”

“Oh, come on Tara” M clicks his tongue reprovingly “Where’s your positive mindset?”

“Buried along with my will to live and my dignity,” Tara says after sipping from the cup of coffee. “And the chances to keep Mark as a friend”

“I don’t think Mark had taken him too seriously” M chuckles, holding back the desire to tell Tara that probably the last thing Mark wants is to keep her as a mere friend, but he would never ghost her for such dumb incident.

Not like he knows him a whole lot either, but judging by all the times he has seen them at the cafe together, it appears to him (and everybody really) that Mark has the biggest crush on Tara.

“It is painfully obvious how little you know Tyler and how much you trust people’s good intentions” Tara comments.

“No, I mean, he’s about to walk in” M says, pointing outside with his chin.

Seconds later Mark steps into the coffee shop rubbing his hands and shuddering the slightest bit. M mutters something under his breath that sounds a lot like “good luck” and walks away, leaving Tara to panic internally on her own.

The young woman pretends not to notice Mark’s presence and instead she fake reads something from the screen of her laptop.

“Hey” Mark skips a more cordial greeting, but Tara ignores it because she keeps pondering whether she should say something about what happened last night or not “I’m sorry I’m late, Jaehyun and I went to the gym and I really needed a shower,” he says touching his nape clumsily.

The thought of Mark being unable to look at her in the eyes briefly crosses her mind, but Tara doesn’t want to deal with the implications just now, so she forces herself to look up and plaster a smile on her face.

“Oh, it’s fine. I just got her-” Tara lies, but whatever she was planning to say next dies in her throat the moment she makes a double-take and notices Mark’s wet hair sticking to his forehead. “Uh- shall we start working? We only have like two hours to finish Mr. Vincent’s paper and-“

“Well, yes I wanted to talk about it-“  Mark says, pulling a folder from his messenger bag and placing it on the table “I already completed it with the info you got yesterday. You can read it and make corrections if you wish.”

“Mark, you shouldn’t have-“ Tara doesn’t know if she’s reading the situation correctly, but it appears to her that Mark couldn’t bear the idea of working with her, so he decided to pull an all-nighter and avoid being stuck with her this morning. Frankly, it is understandable considering Tyler had threatened to “destroy his life” (whatever that meant) if he ever saw him near his sister again, but that doesn’t stop Tara from feeling a void in the chest.

“Oh, no, it’s fine. We all stayed up last night at the frat” Mark says, pulling an empty chair out the table.

Tara unconsciously bits the inside of her cheek before picking the cup of coffee and downing its content as Mark sits across.

The strong flavor of the espresso almost feels sweet when it hits Tara’s palate. Or probably it is in comparison to the bitter taste that Mark’s words have left in her mouth.

“Jungwoo has a big exam this morning and we wanted to show support.” Mark’s smile is so disheartening to watch that Tara distracts herself closing the laptop and taking her coin purse out of her pocket  “I even started the assignment for the Modern British drama course.”

“That’s great,” She says insincerely, hoping to make a smooth transition that allows her to leave without rising suspicion.

“Maybe you can read it later and give me your feedback” Mark suggests hopefully, his eyes widening slightly behind the round reading glasses he’s wearing this morning.

“Sure, why not?” Tara slides her laptop back in the Dior bag. “Since the assignment is done, I think I might get going, I promised Enzo I’d help him to study for a test” She stands up with as much grace as she can muster, which truthfully is not a whole lot given the sleepless night she went through. “I’ll see you later, Mark.”

“Tara, wait!” Mark’s voice even makes the girl in the back turn to look at him, but it takes him a few seconds to register he has moved to grab Tara’s hand in an attempt to stop her from leaving. “I was hoping we could hang out.“ He says after clearing his throat "I mean, we’ve been studying non stop the past weeks and-“ Once he notices Tara’s face flushing, he slowly releases her hand. “I thought we could… maybe… catch the morning screening of Little Women”

Tara unsuccessfully attempts to hide the excitement when she listens to the last two words, but she’s already beaming when she nods her head eagerly and claims she’d love to and that she had been planning to watch the movie with Enzo over the weekend. Mark’s face falls a bit after hearing that name for the second time, but he ignores the jab of jealousy kicking him in the gut.

“By the way…” Tara begins once she sits back down. She hesitates for a brief moment but eventually gathers the courage to go on. “I’m sorry about last night. My brother… he can be a real jerk sometimes.” She makes a pause and corrects herself after realizing that ‘sometimes’ is a bit of an understatement. “Better said, most of the time and I’m so-”

“Don’t even say it” Mark says solemnly, his face growing serious and eyes boring into hers. “It really wasn’t your fault and I might understand where he was coming from. It was really late and it wasn’t right for me to be there.”

“Mark, you are my friend and we were studying, it was more than ok for you to be there. You did nothing wrong.”

“Yeah, right” Mark feels as though Tara had slapped him, but it is probably exactly the realization of being only a friend to her what makes him bold enough to say the next words “But what if he thought I wasn’t just a regular friend?”.

“It would still be off-limits for my brother to act like a jerk. In fact, if you were more than just a friend it would be even worse he treated you that way” Tara says the last sentence a bit too vehemently, making Mark smile widely.

He doesn’t add anything, but he thinks that perhaps Jaehyun and Johnny are not too mistaken when they affirm Tara wouldn’t say no if he asked her out.

Maybe being more than just friends with her isn’t as impossible as his insecurities made him believe every other day.

And maybe, just maybe, he is willing to put up with her brother and his meddling even if that means he will probably have to be on the receiving end of his wrath.

Maybe it all be worth if he gets to see Tara smiling brightly at him, like she is right now, every day.

**

[tumblunni]

okay HOLY SHIT

I just remembered that show Gargoyles that I loved as a kid, and I decided to rewatch it, and its SOMEHOW EVEN BETTER THAN I THOUGHT IT WAS?? Like holy fuck?? It has one of the best introductions to any show ever! Did I just never see the first episode as a kid, or did all the implications fly over my head when I watched it??

Okay so.. like.. I knew the PREMISE but I didnt expect it all happened in the least expected way! The friggin theme tune tells us that blablabla ancient magical guardian creatures fell under some sort of curse and now they’re revived in modern times, such and such, there you go a one sentence plot. BUT HOW IT HAPPENED HOW it happened oh GOD And like the show starts with a whole hour long flashback to the gargoyles back in olden times?? like thats a really bold move! usually in kids shows theyre like ‘you MUST establish the status quo/episode formula right away’. here we literally only saw two minutes of modern times america. TWO MINUTES! some person we dont know finds some mysterious monster. now lets throw that all away and spend a whole glorious hour establishing how much of an upstanding man that damn monster is, and how the universe treats him like shit. like weirdly enough it raises hype for the modern day episode formula even as it shows none of it?? it makes the audience think ‘WAIT WTF THEYRE NOT EVIL, OH NO WE ALREADY KNOW THE MODERN POLICE IS GONNA ATTACK THEM’ :< And then also we get ANOTHER HOUR AND A HALF of establishing the modern day status quo too?? theyre labelled on dvds and stuff as the first five episodes, but really this was just one big 2 and half hour movie premiere! i wish i could have seen it in its original form back when it first aired, i just remember that it was really hard to catch reruns of the multi part stuff cos toon disney had a lot of airing issues

anyway WHY IS THIS THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER?

okay

OKAY OKAY

Here’s our premise! We start off in some ambiguously set medieval kingdom where everyone dresses like a mashup of vikings and englishmen yet have scottish accents ok seriously thats kinda distracting And we’re introduced to this small castle kingdom that’s protected by mysterious guardian creatures of amazing character design. Like seriously i wish they didnt focus so much on this ‘all the main gargoyles have to look more human’ thing, the comic relief teenagers trio was my favourite and also THE COOL GRANDPA EYEPATCH GARGOYLE ok ok im getting offtopic So in this universe gargoyles are a sentient species of winged noble warrior doods, who just happen to have a problem of turning to stone in sunlight. And they protect these humans but the humans are all assholes who’re like WAH BUT THEY LOOK LIKE CHRISTIAN DEMONS THEY MUST BE EVIL even as theyre like.. mid-being-saved. Absolute dumbasses. And seriously YOU BUILT YOUR CITY ON THE GARGOYLES’S LAND! You should count yourself lucky their leader is Niceman Mc Patience who agreed to a peace treaty instead of kicking your ass. Seriously Goliath you kinda comprimised too much! It really fuckin sucks!! The gargoyles are like.. employed by the humans for no form of pay?? They get literally nothing out of it! Except less room to live in their own home, and constant degredation.

Okay so THE HUMAN CHARACTERS AND THEIR CONSTANT DEGREDATION

We’re introduced to the princess and royal vizier dude when the kindly knight captain is like ‘hey you should say thank you to the gargoyles, not me’, and she’s like HOW DARE YOU LET THE BEASTS INSIDE THE HOUSE! Like seriouslt the gargoyles arent even allowed to be seen by humans?? Theyre supposed to protect them every damn day but also should never speak and never have any form of rights as sentient beings. WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR DAMAGE, MEDIEVAL DOODS?? So yeah here’s our brief summary of the everyone here: * Fucking asshole princess who acts like you let your dog shit on the floor if you give a friggin sentient being and king of another civilization the basic courtesy of being allowed to STAND INSIDE THE HOUSE * Cliche evil vizier lookin dood who doesnt really have much personality shown yet except being a sycophant to her anti gargoyle shit, and like.. from his character design you totally expect he’s gonna be evil. *shrug* * Niceman mc guardman who treats Goliath like a friend and is being all activist for gargoyle rights amoung the court. But also he’s really low ranking apparantly, and doesnt have any power to affect change. It seems that he’s been treated like shit by these royals for a long time... * One innocent nice kiddo who wants to hug the gargoyles for saving him, but his jerkass mum is all OMG HOW DARE YOU TOUCH HIM HEY EVERYONE YOU SAW THEY TOTALLY ATTACKED US RIGHT Like seriously he just fuckin tries to start a conversation with the younger gargoyles, and is all ‘youre my hero!’ and they have a nice talk that establishes a load of worldbuilding like how gargoyle culture doesnt have any form of names and Goliath only has one cos the humans gave it to him. Screw you, worldbuilding interruption predjudice mom!

Okay so now we have our premise, and we see some mysterious guy in a hood sneaking out of the castle to ally with some raiders who wanna overthrow the country and steal all its riches. Also a minor scene of the teen and kid gargoyle group being sent to their room for 'causing trouble’ even though seriously the humans started it >_> So like.. we all know where this is going, right? Its a pretty big omen when you give us a contrived circumstance for the children to be the only ones who can be safe from this impending catastrophe... And the voice was very gruff and deep so its probably not the princess doing this shit, plus duh she already has all the power so why would she need to stage a coup? Really, the question now is just what vizier man’s motives are for wanting to betray her!

... EXCEPT

This is where the story gets fuckin great, and also where My Soul Is Pained

hey guess who was really the traitor? its.... nice guard man! fffffuck its sooo creepy when the princess is running for help and she’s like HEY THANK GOD YOURE HERE and then he has this big slasher smile and reveals his plan T_T And like.. he’s still.. not really evil?? Nobody here is evil, except the personalityless plot device raider guys who just exist to set up this circumstance. The princess is an ungrateful predjudiced asshole, but she’s beloved by her human subjects and i mean., she never actually does anything evil, she’s just rude and nasty. And the vizier was a complete red herring and actually all his mysterious shit was just him hiding a crush on the princess, so he breaks down when he thinks she’s dead :( And then guard guy also wasnt lying about caring about the gargoyles. he tried to get them to leave so that only the humans would die, but then like.. his ambition overtook that one shred of loyalty he had to his friends. He thought he could get through all this without having to kill them, but when the raider guy insists upon it he ends up agreeing rather than lose his chance at stealing the throne. And then its really slimy how he’s all ‘BUT I DIDNT INTEND THIS ORIGINALLY, ITS ALL RAIDER GUY’S FAULT’ after goliath shows up and cries over the corpses of his family, like seriously what the fuck dude dont try and weasel out of consequences for your actions. But still it feels like he was once a genuinely good guy who just gave in to his selfishness and abandoned his morals?? And i mean its super justified for him to be angry at how he was treated by the princess, and to want to affect change in this society. WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU!! Seriously its so fuckin surprisingly deep to have some guy who’s a fakeout hero in the first damn episode. And some guy who’s a villain just because he stooped to any means necessary to carry out his once-heroic ambitions. Instead of changing society for the sake of the people, he’s sacrificing all the people just to gain the throne, and forgetting why he ever wanted it! SERIOUSLY HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO BE EVEN WORSE THAN ASSHOLE PRINCESS

so yeah then the plot just goes in SO MANY UNEXPECTED DIRECTIONS to get to the same expected conclusion! Instead of just being cursed by the bad guys, the gargoyles were betrayed by the one closest to them, while those bad guys all died innefectually offscreen. And the curse wasnt even an evil act! It happens because of a REALLY COMPLEX GREY MORALITY SITUATION, where the princess and vizier were gonna be sold off for cash, but then because the gargoyles tried to save them the guard guy decided to just execute them instead. So after their triumphant rescue of all the villagers, they find the vizier man sobbing over his dead love, and then he tells them its THEIR FAULT IT HAPPENED. And he doesnt want to live without her, so he makes a really stupid reckless decision and decides to attack the last few living gargoyles. And like RIGHT AFTER he casts the spell on them, he finds out the princess is still alive and its all oh Fuck What The Fuck Have I Done So vizier man tries to undo the curse, but his book of spells got damaged in the fight and (OF COURSE) coincidentally the page about curse lifting is gone. Cue fuckin Everyone Crying. SO FEW EVIL PEOPLE IN THIS STORY SO MANY EVIL ACTS DONE BY THOSE WHO THOUGHT THEY WERE THE HERO like even the vizier and princess realize they were wrong about their anti gargoyle bigotry after they have to see the consequences of it here but its just WAY TOO LATE FOR THAT

and then yo the EVEN MORE UNEXPECTED AND SAD BIT cos our protagonist gargoyle was the only one who didnt get cursed thats unexpected and he basically COMMITS SUICIDE TO BE WITH HIS FAMILY THATS KINDA MORE UNEXPECTED Well its more like a g-rated suicide metaphor?? Everyone thinks the curse will never be broken, so he curses himself too cos he cant live without them. And its really depressing cos even though we know they all eventually get uncursed, so many others just straight up died and also theyll never see their human friends again and also the castle is all destroyed so the fate of the kingdom is really ambiguous too?? we just know that the now-redeemed princess and vizier are gonna do anything they can to protect their citizens and atone for what happened. and they take the last few gargoyle eggs that werent destroyed, and promise to raise them with all of the love and respect they nevr gave poor goliath... and seriously they never say whose children those eggs were but he’s like the only person left who could have given them a proper gargoyle childhood. So like its morally grey that goliath is choosing death together with the people he knows, rather than living and trying to ressurect his dying civilization. i absolutely wouldnt blame him for it though, its not like suicide is an active choice, he wasnt exactly in his right mind at the time! But its just REALLY NICE AND COMPLEX! And raises a lot of questions about what will happen to these new gargoyles who’re raised by humans, how different would they be if goliath and co met them someday? i really hope thats actually a plot thats gonna happen, i cant rememebr ANYTHING about this show lol...

so yeah theres all the FUCKIN COMPLEX DARK MORAL AMBIGUITY IN ANCIENT ENGLANDSCOTLANDGERMANYKINDA and it is AMAZING and it absolutely baffles me how they ahve such great plots when other parts of the writing are kinda awful standard disney cliches?? like seriously they wasted so much screentime on Comic Relief: A Fat Guy Exists. Seriously he just.. exists. They show these really slow and overanimated scenes of him just.. eating things. not even exaggerated or comedic. he ate one pie, lets all make fun of him for twenty minutes but man, no show in the 90s was perfect, lol! this is still pretty damn great! AND VERY EMOTIONAL

oh oh oh and i didnt mention THE OTHER CRYING BIT cos the guard guy gets a cliche disney villain death, the whole accidentally falling off a cliff due to his own actions, so the protagonist isnt morally responsible for killing a man but then what makes it a really unique scene is that THATS NOT THE MORAL STANCE THE SHOW TAKES goliath WANTED to kill that damn man or, at the very least, give him some sort of punishment for what he’d done goliath has a fucking huge despair moment over the fact this villain man died and he wasnt the one who did it “you took everything from me, even my chance at revenge” cue ugly sobbing as this buff ass demon man screams at the heavens and cradles the stone dust that was once his damn wife what the fuck show why are you doing this to me

ITS REALLY GOOD

[njawaidofficial]

Creator Of “Ren & Stimpy” Accused Of Preying On Underage Girls Who Wanted Animation Careers

https://styleveryday.com/2018/03/29/creator-of-ren-stimpy-accused-of-preying-on-underage-girls-who-wanted-animation-careers/

Creator Of “Ren & Stimpy” Accused Of Preying On Underage Girls Who Wanted Animation Careers

Robyn Byrd thought her plan was working when the letter from her hero arrived in the mail. It was 1994, and the 13-year-old had sent the creator of The Ren & Stimpy Show a video of herself talking about her drawings and the animation career she envisioned; she thought if she got the attention of the studio behind the hit Nickelodeon show, she might get a job there someday. John Kricfalusi’s effusive letter, Byrd said, seemed like the first step toward her dream.

She could hardly believe he’d responded. “I had built up these characters and this mythos of Ren & Stimpy in my head,” Byrd, now 37, told BuzzFeed News. “It was exciting.”

Soon, she said, she began receiving boxes of toys and art supplies from 39-year-old Kricfalusi, better known as John K. He helped her get her first AOL account, through which he convinced her he could help her become a great artist. He visited her at the trailer park where she lived in Tucson, Arizona. “I thought I was still his little cute friend,” she said. And then, when she was still in 11th grade, he flew her to Los Angeles to show her his studio and talk about her future. She said that on the same trip, in a room with a sliding glass door that led to his pool, he touched her genitals through her pajamas as she lay frozen on a blanket he’d placed on the floor. She was 16.

In the summer of 1997, before her senior year of high school, he flew her to Los Angeles again, where Byrd had an internship at Spumco, Kricfalusi’s studio, and lived with him as his 16-year-old girlfriend and intern. After finishing her senior year in Tucson, the tiny, dark-haired girl moved in with Kricfalusi permanently at age 17. She told herself that Kricfalusi was helping to launch her career; in the end, she fled animation to get away from him.

Since October, a national reckoning with sexual assault and harassment has not only felled dozens of prominent men, but also caused allegations made in the past to resurface. In some ways, the old transgressions are the most uncomfortable: They implicate not just the alleged abusers, but everyone who knew about the stories and chose to overlook them.

John Kricfalusi

Albert L. Ortega / WireImage

Although sexual abuse allegations against Kricfalusi have never been made public before, his relationship with Byrd has been an open secret within animation — so open that “a girl he had been dating since she was fifteen years old” was referenced briefly in a book about the history of Ren & Stimpy. Tony Mora, an art director at Warner Bros., and Gabe Swarr, a producer at Warner Bros., worked alongside Byrd at Spumco. The male artists said stories of how Kricfalusi sexually harassed female artists, including teenage girls, were known through the industry. “It’s always been there,” Mora said. Moreover, Kricfalusi made his fixation on teenage girls plainly obvious in his art, even as he worked on animated projects for the likes of Cartoon Network, Fox Kids, and Adult Swim. In an interview with Howard Stern in the mid-’90s, the radio host asked him about a character in the comic book anthology the cartoonist was then promoting. Stern called Sody Pop “a hot chick with big cans and nice legs.” Kricfalusi responded with a smile: “She’s underage, too.”

And yet Kricfalusi, 62, continues to be widely celebrated as a pioneer in the male-dominated field of animation. Creators of shows including SpongeBob SquarePants, Adventure Time, and Rick and Morty have cited Ren & Stimpy as an influence. After Nickelodeon fired the perpetually behind-schedule artist from Ren & Stimpy in 1992, he became an early proponent of art and shows made just for the internet. His output has slowed down, but he enjoys a living-legend stature that prompted 3,562 people to fund a Kickstarter campaign for his short Cans Without Labels, which he screened at a prestigious animation film festival in 2016. He made art for Miley Cyrus’s 2014 Bangerz tour; he animated two credit sequences on The Simpsons, the most recent in 2015. His portrait still hangs on the wall at Nickelodeon.

On Kricfalusi’s behalf, an attorney responded to a detailed list of allegations in this story with the following statement:

“The 1990s were a time of mental and emotional fragility for Mr. Kricfalusi, especially after losing Ren and Stimpy, his most prized creation. For a brief time, 25 years ago, he had a 16-year-old girlfriend. Over the years John struggled with what were eventually diagnosed mental illnesses in 2008. To that point, for nearly three decades he had relied primarily on alcohol to self-medicate. Since that time he has worked feverishly on his mental health issues, and has been successful in stabilizing his life over the last decade. This achievement has allowed John the opportunity to grow and mature in ways he’d never had a chance at before.”

A photo sent to Rice by Kricfalusi

Courtesy Rice

While Byrd felt deeply alone when she left animation, she later realized she hadn’t been the only underage girl Kricfalusi groomed for a relationship. In 2008, long after she last saw Kricfalusi, Byrd reconnected with an old internet friend: the artist Katie Rice. Kricfalusi introduced them through AOL in the mid-’90s, when they were still children, telling them he’d hire them both at Spumco someday. Although Kricfalusi never had a physical sexual relationship with Rice, he began hitting on her when she was a minor, she said, behavior that ranged from writing her flirty letters (“I bet you’ll be up to no good. Just like me,” he wrote in 1996) to masturbating while she was on the phone. In 2000, when Rice was 18 and trying to break into animation, Kricfalusi offered her a job. Once she started working for him, Rice said, he persistently sexually harassed her.

“I know a lot of people struggle with the ‘art vs. artist’ thing.”

Old letters, emails, and transcripts of AOL conversations between the women and Kricfalusi back up many of their claims. They each have witnesses to parts of their stories. Yet both women worried that they sounded “crazy.” For years, they chose to keep their experiences private, because coming forward didn’t seem like it was worth the risk. Rice feared retribution from his many supporters. Neither woman thought they’d be taken seriously.

Now they believe the world has changed. Byrd feels the time has come for Kricfalusi to be held accountable, particularly, she said, after the police told her in December that Kricfalusi’s alleged crimes against her were too old to investigate. “He shouldn’t be able to get away with that,” she said.

Left: A drawing Kricfalusi sent Byrd; Right: A mix CD he sent Rice

Courtesy Byrd and Rice

And while Byrd teaches philosophy and undergraduate writing classes, Rice still works in animation and regularly encounters people asking her what it was like to work for “a legend.” It made her hesitant to criticize him, as if it would be her fault for tainting his work. But, sitting in a Burbank restaurant, she said, “I know a lot of people struggle with the ‘art vs. artist’ thing, and I get it. Like, I love Rosemary’s Baby. But would I watch another movie that he made, knowing what I know now?” she said, referring to the multiple rape allegations against filmmaker Roman Polanski.

“I would say no, I don’t want to watch it. I don’t want any part of that. There’s nice people you can hire. There’s nice people who can make things, there’s nice people who make cartoons. … They’re just as fucking good.”

Katie Rice, photographed in Burbank on March 28

Jessica Pons for BuzzFeed News

Rice wanted to be an artist from the time she was in the fourth grade. In the summer before fifth grade, when she started watching the original Nicktoons — Doug, Rugrats, and Ren & Stimpy — the tween decided to become a cartoonist. Her parents were skeptical. Her mother told BuzzFeed News that she worried her daughter was being unrealistic.

So when Rice wrote to Kricfalusi when she was around 14, and then they began corresponding over AOL, Rice said it was a source of validation for her and her family: A powerful man who had recently been nominated for an Emmy Award saw that she had potential.

They continued chatting online and on the phone into her sophomore year of high school, and Kricfalusi’s messages made her feel special. In an AOL conversation he told her not to copy and send to her friends, he said, “I wnat [sic] to squeeze you,” and “I’m crazy about you, Katie”; he asked her, “Do I ever make you tingle?” In an email she printed and saved from a few days after she turned 15, the 41-year-old man wrote, “I’m thinking about you very hard right now. And I have a little tickle in my chest.” Now 36, Rice looks at these old pages with some of the compliments underlined in purple gel pen and cringes.

“I think this 40 year old man is hitting on me,” Rice wrote in her diary. “But he’s never perverted. He is also very nice. He gives me a lot of drawing tips.”

At the time, she didn’t see the harm. “I think this 40 year old man is hitting on me,” she wrote in a diary entry from between December 1995 and March 1996, saying her friend agreed with her. (Speaking to BuzzFeed News, the friend recalled having this conversation, and that she thought Kricfalusi was hitting on Rice.) Rice, then 14, continued in her diary, “But he’s never perverted. He is also very nice. He gives me a lot of drawing tips.”

Rice and Kricfalusi met a few times in Los Angeles, and they kept talking after she moved with her parents from California to Lake Tahoe in 1996 when she was entering 10th grade at age 14. They never had physical sexual contact, but when Rice lived in Nevada, she remembers several late-night phone calls during which Kricfalusi said, “Repeat after me: John’s dick slides in my puzzy” (his pronunciation of the word) while he masturbated on the other end of the line. She refused. Rice, who was naive about sex, said she didn’t realize what he was doing at first — until, all of a sudden, she did. Christine Nockels, a high school friend of Rice who later worked at Spumco, said Rice told her about the masturbation when they were classmates.

The conversations left Rice shaken, but she trusted him. Lonely in her new school in Nevada, she viewed him as her only friend. He attended her 15th birthday party, which he later confirmed on a DVD extra for the 2003 Ren & Stimpy reboot. (“I was at her 15th birthday party. We’ll tell you that backstory a little bit later,” he said with a grin.) She was devastated when he abruptly stopped talking to her in early 1997.

Kricfalusi and a 15-year-old Byrd in 1996

Courtesy Byrd

That same winter, Kricfalusi flew out to visit Byrd, then a high school junior, at home in Arizona. They had sex for the first time at a nearby hotel, she said, and put into motion a series of decisions that would reshape the rest of her teenage years. She’d move in with Kricfalusi for the summer and intern at Spumco, then complete her senior year at a private school in Arizona, and he would cover the tuition. He told her he could give her an animation career in Los Angeles when she graduated. She and her mother believed him.

So when the young artist and writer moved in with Kricfalusi in the summer of 1997, part of her was happy. As an intern, she was making copies, keeping art organized, and learning how to be an animator. “I made my dream come true,” Byrd said. “That’s why I sent the tape when I was 13.” Everything in California was new and exciting, including, to some degree, her boyfriend. “I believed, as a 16-year-old dating him, ‘Oh, the world’s against us. It shouldn’t be wrong for him to date me. We’re cool and rebellious because we’re breaking the rules of society,’” Byrd told BuzzFeed News. She said he told her their 25-year age difference was “romantic.”

But she struggled. In a letter she wrote to herself during the internship — her method of working out her feelings at the time — she frets about all the ways she’s alienating her 41-year-old boyfriend with her “nagging” and her “guilt-inflicting”; she says Kricfalusi doesn’t care about her emotional well-being. “He may like my figure & face. He may adore my mind & ideas. But he does not have regard for my feelings as I do his,” she wrote. The artist she shared an office with, Swarr, who was in his early twenties at the time, remembers her frequently crying.

“I was like, ‘Who’s that little girl?’”

Despite the volatility, this seemed like a break to her: Kricfalusi was teaching her a trade. And, over the course of more than 600 blog posts reviewed by BuzzFeed News, Kricfalusi portrays himself as a uniquely qualified molder of young minds. It’s the same image he presented to Byrd and Rice, and to many of the fans, mostly men in their twenties, who he hired at Spumco in the 1990s and early 2000s. They were inexperienced young people who, Mora and Swarr said, believed deeply in the art Spumco was making. It was a small studio that usually had between 10 and 30 artists at a time, most of them convinced they were doing something defiant by working there. Derrick J. Wyatt, an artist who started working at Spumco in 1999, told BuzzFeed News the studio was a “cult of personality” centered on Kricfalusi.

After Byrd graduated from high school at 17 in 1998, Kricfalusi hired her to work at Spumco and she moved back into his Los Angeles home.

A photo Kricfalusi took of Byrd poolside in 1998 at age 17

Courtesy Robyn Byrd

As Byrd grew up in the studio, her coworkers, many of whom were not much older than she was, were aware of the teen’s romantic relationship with their boss. Mora got an internship at Spumco in 1997, around the age of 24, and when he first started seeing Byrd around the studio, “I was like, ‘Who’s that little girl?’” he said. The relationship was odd to him, but it seemed to be accepted at the studio, where former employees say Kricfalusi fostered a libertine atmosphere in which taking offense was itself offensive. They were making shows with sexual themes; there were raunchy nude drawings on display. Mora said Kricfalusi left out a drawing he made of Byrd, naked, with a dog ejaculating on her.

Sometime between 1998 and 2000, Mora went to a party at Kricfalusi’s house that has bothered him for years. He remembered Byrd, who was no older than 20, was drunk and seemed to be drifting in and out of consciousness when Kricfalusi called Mora over to him. “And then he pulled out these Polaroids of Robyn basically — how can you say it? — going down on him. … He’s like, ‘What do you think of that?’”

“My entire life had been suspended in John’s since I was fourteen.”