#i will draw her again. i love him terribly badly

[squishosaur]

the importance of body language or what have you

[critterbitter]

I'm wheezing over Ingo and Litwick's dynamic jgjbjjxjsjwkfiisiq and TYNAMO FITTING INTO EMMET'S SCARF IS SOOO CUTE!! Love how you draw the little sbubby bois, their conductor themed outfits are soo freaking cute!!!

I have so many thoughts when it comes to them it’s insane. Glad you like the characterizations!

Here’s a quick one shot under the cut, as a treat for making it this far.

Emmet finds Tynamo three months before Ingo meets Litwick. Ingo has some thoughts.

Ingo and Emmet are part of a pair.

If Emmet is the fuck around and find out, then Ingo’s been relegated amused damage control. This has always been the case, right up until Emmet found tynamo. Then suddenly, it’s “wow emmet, you’re so responsible!” “Golly gee Emmet, what do you mean you don’t want to go exploring the cave systems after dark?” “Gee whizz, what do you mean curfew for your eel puppy?” “Why in Reshiram do you get to have a whole pokemon three months before we agreed to get starters, and i don’t?”

Ingo doesn’t say the last part. He’s a bitter world-weary twelve year old languishing about the unfairness of the pokestray distribution system, but he also loves his brother. Emmet found an injured tynamo in chargestone cave and decided to help— tynamo decided to stay. It’s every child’s film plot. Ingo being a grouchy gengar makes him objectively a terrible friend.

Oh dragons, is Ingo a bad brother?

“Ingo!”

Speak of the cold, and he shall enter. Ingo swings his whole body around to better brace for the flying tackle.

“Emmet!”

“I am emmet! You are sulking.”

Ingo clicks his mouth closed and tries not to sulk harder. He fails.

“You are not being verrrry convincing, brother dearest.”

“I do not have any idea what you are going on about,” Ingo’s traitorous mouth blurts. “Be convinced I love you and am not planning dastardly plots.”

Do not think about getting a ground typed starter. Do not think about getting a ground typed starter.

Emmet shoots him a judgemental look from under the brim of his hat. Ingo glowers back, and slowly starts leaning forward, smooshing Emmet under his weight.

“Ttttell me why you look like a crushed joltik.”

“Keep this up and you are going to be the crushed joltik.”

Anyways, Emmet is becoming more bold by the day and even actively discussing electric types with the new girl in elementary prep, Elesa. Ingo thinks she’s cool, but she flinched when he blurted a once again too loud greeting so he’s… letting that cool off. They definitely don’t have anything to talk about beyond pokemon, and Emmet and her already have pokemon. Ingo feels a bit left out.

Caught in the ennui of not having a blitzle or tynamo, Ingo slips as Emmet rolls out from under him. The two go down in an ungraceful tangle of limbs.

“Tell. Me. What’s. Wrong.” Emmet gently slaps Ingo’s face like a ripe oran berry. “You want to tell me sooo badly. Ooh.”

“Emmet- aurgh. Gerroff’”

“I don’t speak denial.”

Ingo gives up. His entire body deflates. Emmet, not expecting the sudden loss of spinal infrastructure, slides sideways and knees Ingo’s lungs.

Ingo wheezes. “I’m sulking because you were crushing my spine.”

“Tell me the truth.”

Uh oh. Ingo studies Emmet’s face. It’s the same one he looks into the mirror with, but marred with concern and self consciousness. Ingo made Emmet worry. He’s not just a bad twin. He’s the worst.

“You are Emmet.”

“I am Emmet.”

“You have Tynamo.”

“Tynamo’s charging at home.”

Smart ass! Emmet knows what Ingo means. And by Emmet’s smug grin, Emmet knows too.

Ingo struggles to explain that Emmet has Tynamo, and Elesa, and… that’s only two other individuals. He is truly the worst twin in all the land. Emmet gets two new friends and Ingo’s being an infant about it.

One day, Ingo will have his own pokemon partner and team— but right now, Ingo only gets to have Emmet.

Ingo feels this is an unfair trade equivalent, but he does not want to say it in a way that sounds rude, so he stalls.

Emmet has no such prefunctures. He squints at Ingo, who avoids eye contact and squirms. “You are… jealous?” He tilts his head in visible confusion. “What?”

Ingo covers his face with his hands, defeated.

“You arrrre jealous!” Emmet cries, bewildered. “Why??”

Ingo lets out an unintelligible wheeze. Emmet remembers he still has a knee on Ingo’s chest, and hastily sits back.

“I don’t want to be jealous,” Ingo finally bursts. “I am very happy for you Emmet! You and Tynamo are a winning combination!” His voice cracks embarrassingly. Emmet doesn’t flinch at the volume, even muffled under Ingo’s palms. “I don’t want to be a bad brother being jealous.”

“You aren’t a bad brother, Ingo.”

“I am. I am angry that you found your starter and I haven’t. I’m sad I interrupted your schedule with my inane demands. I have made you feel like you did something wrong. I apologize.”

Peeking between Ingo’s fingers, Emmet’s face falls. Ingo wants to be struck by a giga impact rather than face this. He would rather be a dusty imprint. Where is Uncle Drayden’s Haxorous when you need her?

“Ingo, Ingo listen to me.” Emmet’s hands dart forward to settle Ingo’s shoulders. The pressure is grounding. Real. This is where Emmet tells Ingo he’s being stupid.

He hears Emmet exhale.

“I’m sorry.”

Wait, that doesn’t sound right. “Pardon?”

“I wanted to train Tynamo as my conductor, and I left our two-car train unmaintained.”

“Pardon??”

Emmet looks uncomfortable and sad. It makes Ingo uncomfortable and sad. “Yesterday night. When you wanted to go to the caves. For our weekly charting. I said I’d rather help Tynamo.”

Oh. Yeah, Ingo remembers that. It had stung. “You are not obligated to say yes,” he protests. “In fact, you should say no more. You always say yes.”

“Yes.”

“What did I just say.”

“No. You’re my brother. I left you out.”

Ingo slowly puts down his hands. His face still feels warm, but he feels less scared. Now he just feels embarrassed. He can’t help but let out a meek plea slip. “Don’t go where I can’t follow, Emmet. Please.”

“I would never! We are going on our pokemon journey together, yep yep. You, me, tynamo, and whoever your starter will be!”

The two sit there on the side of the dirt road. Emmet’s declaration sounds like a dangerous promise. Ingo realizes at that moment he would do anything for his brother, who’s his best friend and confidant and world, starter or no starter. He opens his mouth to tell Emmet that.

“Wwwwwait. You are trying to go back to the caves. Ingo! Are you trying to find a starter by yourself!?”

Never mind. Emmet’s gone for his soft underbelly, and Ingo’s in pain. “Emphasis on trying,” he mutters instead. The joltik are not interested in him. The local tynamo swarm fled. A curious drilbur had sniffed him once, turned up its nose, and then trundled into the wall.

“…ah.”

Nothing had felt right for Ingo— too scared, too judgemental, or too uninterested. He’s starting to accept that maybe none of the pokemon in this town area match his truth or ideals.

Emmet was quiet for a long time. He had his thinking face on, so Ingo did not interrupt. He took the time instead to look up at the sky, watching the giant puff of clouds drift by. A plume of swabloo lazily inches their way across the horizon.

A shadow falls over Ingo. Emmet dusts himself off, and helps drag his twin to his feet. The two sway, clasping hands.

“We’ll ask Uncle Drayden,” Emmet decides, and Ingo is enthralled by the sheer truth of that statement. “He’ll let us use the subway! And you can look elsewhere, for a starter who is ideal for you. Wwwwith me and Tynamo, instead of by yourself.”

“Truly?” Uncle Drayden is a scary man.

Emmet nods. It’s easy to talk to Emmet— he just says words that Ingo would spend hours ruminating on. “I am verrrry persuasive.”

“You mean staring at him from the corner until he cracks?”

“Brother, you know me so well!”

Ingo cant help but laugh. He still feels guilty and bad for feeling envious, but a world with emmet by his side is significantly less hostile. Emmet’s hand is warm in his.“Thank you!” He cheers, startling himself with his volume. “Bravo,” he tried in a quieter tone.

“Bravo!!” Emmet replies, pointedly louder. Ingo squawks as Emmet pulls him off balance. “You are my brother! We’re going to find you a starter!”

Ingo tugs back just as fiercely. “Bravo!! We are going to harass Uncle Drayden into letting us board the train!”

Emmet leans with his whole body, dragging Ingo into the fulcrum of his centrifuge. “BRAVO! YOU ARE GOING TO HELP ME WITH TYNAMO’S TRAINING!”

Ingo digs his heels in, and then stumbles. “BRAVO, I, what?”

Emmet looked distinctly patrat-esque. “We’re in this together, Ingo. No backing out now.”

Ingo thought about it long and hard. He gets to see his brother get electrocuted. But he will, also, most likely, get electrocuted.

(Tynamo is Emmet’s starter. But maybe, it can also be Ingo’s friend.)

But brother say brother do, and Ingo’s probably obligated to run damage control if Emmet decides to, say, shove a fork into an outlet for Tynamo to snack on.

(Emmet fucks around. Ingo finds out. Even two steps apart with new people between, this is the way of their world.)

“Alright,” he crumbles. When they step this time, they step in sync. “We do this. Together.” (Enjoy this? Here's the link to the rest of my rat crimes.)

[miguelhugger2099]

God, I can imagine the situation with Punk! Miguel when he became a father. It’s just that he can literally get a drawing of his daughter on his body, and it will look like some kind of blot, but he will be literally proud of this tattoo, just like a tattoo that is a print his daughter's finger.

But here's the situation. Let’s imagine that some person looks at Miguel’s tattoo and says, “What kind of weakling can give you the number of the artist who will cover it up?” Miguel is literally torn to strike the person opposite but then says “This is my daughter’s drawing”

Punk Dad!Miguel with his family out on the beach.

Punk Dad!Miguel with his two favorite girls: his wife in a cute baby blue lacy bikini and his little girl in an adorable pink tankini with flowers.

Punk Dad!Miguel who looks out of place with his bright sunshine girls while he’s covered in tatts and piercings, tall and strong and very clearly watching out for the two most important people in his life.

Punk Dad!Miguel who keeps an eye on you two while you play with Gabriella in the water. His shades covering his sensitive eyes while he sips on a coca cola under the umbrella, legs spread apart comfortably.

Punk Dad!Miguel who groans internally when the father beside him tries to talk to him again. A family of four where his wife is also juggling with two toddlers. The husband? Sitting on his ass.

“Gotta say man, I wish I could do all that but my wife, y’know how it is.” He chuckles.

“No, I don’t.” Miguel says plainly. He loves his wife.

The man takes a closer look at Miguel arm and snorts. “What the hell is that?” He points to a small flower bouquet that wrapped around his bicep. The bouquet was terribly drawn, stems thick and uneven, petals that varied from round to sharp, colors blended in like it was done with crayon. It was a stark difference to the other well done pieces around his body.

“Now what asshole decided to screw you over that badly?” He cackles. “Oh, man you have got to get that shit covered up.”

Punk Dad!Miguel who chugs the last drop of his soda and smashes the can in his grip. His brows are hard and lips holding back a snarl. He turns to the man slowly.

“My daughter drew it.” He hisses, pushing his sunglasses further up his nose bridge to hide the rage burning in his eyes.

The man gulps. “Oh…I’m—I didn’t mean—“ He’s luckily saved by Miguel’s little girl calling out to him. “Papi! Papi!”

Gabriella struggles to march up the hill of sand, quickly hurrying in the shade to protect her feet from the scorching hot ground. She falls on the towel on her stomach and grin up at him, her hair more curled than usual and drenched from the sea water.

Punk Dad!Miguel who melts and instantly forgets about whatever he was angry at. “Hi Gabi.” He smiles.

Gabriella lifts herself on her knees. “Hi.” She giggles. “Mami said to call you because I wanted to go deeper in the water but Mami said that you know how to swim better.” She recounts her story to him and you slowly come up behind. You sit on the towel with a huff, your hair equally drenched from Gabriella’s play.

He knows you’re just tired and it’s time to switch shifts. He tosses the crushed can inside the cooler of the husband next to him and picks Gabriella up, placing her on his shoulders. “Okay, mija! Let’s go!” Gabriella squeals, lifting her arms high in the air.

[charliemwrites]

Ahajskskskdjdj I just binge read all of Feral x Simon and OMG it's my new Roman empire

And your WRINKLY BRAIN IS GIVING ME WRINKLES OMG

WHAT IF someone finds out about Feral?? Either someone who just hears Simon giving Johnny a couple of tips on how to handle Feral or just answering some of Johnny's questions about Feral, and is deeply concerned or is to nosey about the elusive Ghost to pass up the chance to know more. OR AN ENEMY finds out about Ghost's little pet.

Either way someone tries to break out Feral while Simon is out on deployment. BUT Feral doesn't want that and Simon comes home, after getting an alert that the security system is down, to a wrecked house and no Feral :((((

How would Simon react??? First to of course find Feral but afterwards?? Poor Feral all traumatized and trust broken because Simon is supposed to protect them and where was he??

Ooooooh I like this concept a lot.

Say it’s someone from another team, hearing him and Johnny chat out in the training grounds. The guy gets it in his head this is a huge conspiracy - obviously ghost’s captain is in on it. Hell, it could even go further up the chain. Who’s gonna tell an asset like ghost that he can’t have one measly civilian in exchange for all the work he does? Well this guy has morals, he has integrity. He’s drawing the line in the sand.

He does some covert investigating, figures out where ghost is keeping his hostage. Then he just waits. The whole 141 is away on a big mission. By the time the bastards get back, Rando will be long gone with his rescue.

He shows up just before the sun is meant to set and breaks through the heavily locked and reinforced door. It looks… like a normal house. He shivers - how diabolical. He dreads what the bedrooms must be like.

When he walks into the living room, there’s still no signs of life or even noise.

“It’s okay ma’am, I’m here to rescue you,” he calls.

A face pops out from behind a doorway, scowling.

“The hell are you talking about? Get out!”

“No, really it’s okay,” he insists, hurrying closer. “I’m not with him. It’s not a trick. I’ll get you to safety.”

“I’m fine-“ the poor thing must be so traumatized. He’ll have to get her out for her own good. She’ll thank him later. “Hey!”

She starts kicking and squirming as he grabs her arm, trying to usher her to the door.

“I’m going to save you, ma’am. You won’t ever have to see that terrible man again.”

She’s putting up too much resistance, he’ll have to scoop her up and take her out.

And that’s when her expression changes.

—

Simon bursts through the door to a dark house. There’s blood all over the floors. Tracking from the living room into the kitchen. His heart drops into his stomach.

“Love?”

“S-Simon?!”

He follows her voice to his bedroom, where she’s just slinking out from under the bed. Her eyes are huge and blood is dried all over her face and neck and hands.

He hurries to her side, thinking she’s been badly injured and has been bleeding out beneath his bed this whole time. But she stutters out that it’s not hers. That there’s a body in the laundry room.

She’s practically trying to crawl beneath his skin, sobbing and shuddering.

“You promised,” she wails, “you promised.”

[justagirlfr]

One Teardrop From My Eye

Noah Diaz x reader

summary: pt 2 of Just One More Tear To Cry - reader is saved from the Terrorcons :D

tw: blood, slight gore, a little bit of angst, electrocution

a/n: this one is so badly written but ty to the 2 people who asked for a part 2, love u guys !!

Your screams of agony fill the room as the electrocution finally stops. Nightwing is looking at you menacingly, armed with a malicious smile and terrible intentions. Body arching and burning, you slump forward on the ground, gasping for breath. You don't even have the strength to shudder as Scourge's underling runs its claws along your chin and forces you up to look. 

"This doesn't have to continue," Nightwing snarls. "You know what I want."

You groan achingly. "I don't know- where it- where it is," you huff. "I'm telling the truth…" you utter weakly, Nightwing's sharp fingers tightening around your chin and drawing blood. 

Scourge lets out an angry growl, overlooking the vast Peruvian jungle from atop a cliff. It was night now. You had been captured and taken when trying to escape with Noah out of the Maximals' hidden underground temple. In a daze, Scourge's spider-like minion captured you and brought you back here when the Terrorcons lost the rest of the Autobots and Noah. 

"That's alright," he says. His tone of voice is cold and unforgiving. "I have another use for you in mind."

—

Mirage tucks Noah in and bids him goodnight, telling him that they'll find you soon. You'll be okay, everything will turn out fine, and he'll get to hold you in his arms once again. That is the future he so desperately prays for. 

Noah finds that he is unable to sleep. Anxiety around whether or not you are still alive haunts him throughout the hours, and he tosses and turns underneath his wigwam, willing himself to fall asleep. When morning comes, Noah is tired, worried, and borderline depressed. 

The events that ensue are as follows: Everyone discovers Airazor to be infected, and the Terrorcons have been alerted to their location amongst the tribe of Peruvians who are protecting the other half of the time warp key. In an effort to keep it safe, the Autobots tell Noah to take the key and run. He heads to a nearby river, thinking of destroying it but he finds that he can't bring himself to do it. The key may be the only way to get you back, and although all he wants to do is keep his planet and family safe, he has come to realize that you are a large part of his inner circle now, and there’s no way he’ll live in any universe without you. 

Unluckily for him and the rest of the Autobots, an infected Airazor steals the key

and brings it back to Scourge.

“And if you think about coming after us,” Scourge snarls. “Remember who we have.”

Nightwing soars above them, dangling your limp figure for all to see. Noah lets out an angry scream and runs as fast as he can to attack Scourge, but Mirage pulls him back. Noah is screaming your name, but you’re unable to respond, being seemingly unconscious. 

For a while, Noah is crumpled on the ground, heaving sobs. That is, until Kris reminds him of who he really is. 

“Sonic? Sonic is that you?” Noah can hear the familiar way his little brother’s voice crackles through the walkie-talkie attached to Mirage’s arm. “Come in, Sonic.”

“Tails! Tails it’s me,” Noah’s heart warms. “How’s Ma, man?”

“She’s good, she’s worried about you,” Kris says from the other end. “But I got her. Have you saved Earth yet?” 

Noah sighs. “We’re…” his voice trails off. He doesn't know what to say. He wants to tell his brother, more than anything, that they’ve got it under control. That he’ll never have to worry about the end of the world nearing again, that everything will turn out alright and that life will be perfect from here on out. But he can’t bring himself to say it, not with you gone from his side. 

“Sonic? Listen man.” Mirage brings the device closer to Noah’s face so he can hear better. “I don’t care if times are tough, you’re my brother and you always know how to get yourself out of things. You got me? I don’t want to hear no giving up on your end, Sonic.”

Noah smiles through his tears. “But what if I’m not made for this kinda stuff. I couldn’t even get you help at the hospital.” 

“Superman had trouble before he became a hero too. He had to get through some of the stuff, you know? But you’ve gotten past that. Now all that’s left is to be the hero.” He feels himself lighting up a little at Kris’s words. “You read me, Sonic?”

“Yeah, yeah I read you. Thanks man. Love you.”

“Yeah yeah, now go back and save the rest of the world.”

“You got it man.” With that, the line clicks off and Noah knows Kris is gone for now. But the conversation ignites something in him, and within the next few minutes he starts coming up with a plan. 

–

Scourge has Nightwing electrocute you a few more times to make sure you’re too weak to get away. He places you on the ground in front of him, watching out for any sign of the Autobots. As soon as Optimus Prime rolls in, he knows he’s the one with the high ground. 

“Optimus,” he says, an unwelcome greeting. 

“Scourge,” Prime responds. “Hand over the keys. I won’t ask a second time.”

“For someone with such prestige, you sure are blind to the circumstances at which you make demands.” He smiles. It’s a horrendously ugly smile. Everything about Scourge is disgusting, from the way the metal on him rusts, to how crusty his eyes are (I’m a Scourge hater, he killed my beloved Mirage).  Scourge picks you up in one hand and squeezes you hard enough to make you gasp for air. “Thought you cared a little more for your human pets.” He laughs darkly. 

From below, Noah scurries down the underground passageway, hoping to shut off the portal and take the keys. He holds his breath, listening to the conversation from above. Beads of sweat coat his exposed skin, and he can feel the temperature rise drastically the farther he runs. 

“I do.” Is all Optimus says, before Mirage shoots Scourge from behind. Scourge lets out an anguished cry, and you fall from his hand, hitting the ground harshly. Something sticky and warm trails down the side of your head, and you can taste blood in your mouth. Your ears are ringing and everything is spinning. You try to scramble away as the fighting behind you ensues. 

–

As soon as Noah retrieves the halves of the key and shuts the system down, he runs back out of the passageway. When he sees your dying figure on the ground, a large pool of blood pooling around you, he pushes up on one of the grates and rushes to meet you.

“Oh my gosh,” he cries, looking at how damaged you are. “Stay awake, please, stay awake…” his voice fades in and out as you try to come to terms with the fact that it’s him. It’s really him. 

“Noah?” your voice is hoarse from all the screaming you did earlier when the Terrorcons were interrogating you. 

Noah holds both of his hands up to your face, looking down at you with a bittersweet smile. “We gotta get you out of here-” 

He’s the last thing you see and hear before you fully black out.

–

When you next awake, you’re lying down in a cosy bed. The sheets are navy blue, and when you look around there are all sorts of parts lying everywhere. A barely working boxy television sits on the cluttered desk to the left of you, and the door in front of you is creaked open just enough where you can make out a source of light and some gentle talking. You look out the window and notice that it’s night. With a heavy groan, you try to get up, but it hurts your head way too much, and you’re forced to lie back down. The door opens and Noah comes in urgently. His eyes are wide open. He’s dressed in a tank top and just his boxers. “Oh my god,” he says, rushing to your side immediately. You smile weakly at him. “The doctor said not to stress yourself too much when you wake-”

You interrupt him by pulling him into a chaste kiss. Surprised, it takes him a moment to kiss back. When the two of you part, he’s breathless. There are tears in his eyes, too. “I missed you,” you rasp. “I missed you so much.”

Noah’s vision is blurred with tears, and he wipes them away, not wanting his view of you to be obstructed in any way. “I missed you too.”

He comes into bed with you, holding you against his chest. From off the desk, he feeds you small sips of water. Afterwards, he starts talking about everything that happened after. How the Prime killed Scourge, how Mirage almost died but was fixed by Noah just a few days ago, how he had taken you to the hospital and moved you back to his room, where his mom was happy to make accommodations, how his little brother had been so happy to see him back, and how he was happy he had you back. He cradles you in his arms. 

—

~Bonus ~

You awake in the middle of the night, screaming and thrashing violently against arms trying to pin you down. 

“Hey! Hey it’s me, it’s Noah! It’s Noah!” You stop abruptly and open your eyes, sobbing. 

“Noah…?”

“Come here,” he whispers, putting his arms around you and bringing you close to his chest. “You’re alright. You’re safe.”

In between sobs, you manage, “I thought- I thought I was back there with them again.”

“I would never let that happen again. Ever.” He kisses your forehead gently, and lays the both of you back down on his bed. “It’s okay,” he coos as you continue to cry into him. 

He pulls the covers over the two of you and listens to you cry yourself to sleep in his arms. 

[nephriteknight]

so a while back i made a post about what my blorbos' playstyles would be like in botc/social deduction games in general, and at the time i didn't include tma because they have so much highly specific trauma and dangerous eldritch appetites that this would be terrible for, but i just can't stop thinking about the very silly scenario where the tma characters play botc together. it would go so badly.

the banned character list includes fortune teller, spy, snake charmer, oracle, evil twin, vigormortis, no dashii, pacifist, cannibal, cult leader, fisherman, pixie, golem, plague doctor, organ grinder, and ojo, because elias keeps cheating. ojo and oracle somehow keep ending up in the bag anyway.

daisy gets way too into hunting down the demon. Guns Will Be Drawn.

jon and tim handle this game Extremely Predictably. i just know s1 tim would adore botc but s3 tim is having an awful time. oh great yeah one of our friends is a shape shifting demon lying to our faces? perfect. jon is on the verge of a panic attack but instead of breaking down he's just interrogating everyone very aggressively. hey, at least everyone believes he's on the good team.

basira solves the game right away and spends the rest of the game trying to convince everyone else. only georgie believes her.

martin is very good at being evil in these kinds of games (and also benefits from people not expecting him to be good at it), so when he pulls the demon he could demolish good, but, uh, he's honestly not sure jon could handle that right now so he gets caught on purpose without letting anyone else realize he threw.

elias insisted peter would attend and he did not in fact show. luckily no one believed he would come so it's not really a problem. ("you called it a 'social deduction' game, elias, it's in the name! no i'm not coming--")

...annabelle's the storyteller? i mean. she obviously would if she was there. i feel like sasha gives me st vibes as well but i might just be projecting again.

multiple games are ruined because jon accidentally compels the demon to tell him their role. one of those was not fully an accident.

simon is having a grand old time but he really doesn't give a shit about winning/the game which is less of a problem when he's good but very much a problem for his teammates when he's evil.

melanie draws the psychopath "by chance" several times and enjoys it way too much. daisy handles an outed evil player whom town can't easily execute exactly as poorly as you'd expect. i cannot emphasize enough how unlikely it is that canon team archives could play this game without at least one person getting hurt, killed, or giving in to the dark powers completely.

helen is eating it all up. literally. (elias is still pissed that the spy got banned.) she still never outright lies, which unfortunately for everyone else but fortunately for her (and simon, who thinks its hilarious) means she can't tell outright truths when she's good either or it'll look suspicious when she's evil. no one is ever fully certain what she is or what she's doing. pure chaos and we love her for it. (we being me; team archives does not in fact love her for it.)

elias is still cheating, but when they threaten to fill the room with eyeless dolls he decides to quit while he's (not) ahead and just watch from his office like an eldritch twitch chat.

[cloudysx]

Kingdom Hearts changed me (Storytime)

While I was drawing, I don't know… I felt like I needed to say what I felt about the Kingdom Hearts license and my art of drawing.

My beginnings, my entry into art school, my graduation diploma

I started to doodle like everyone else when I was a kid, I only started to draw seriously around the age of 8/9 because I was part of a drawing association in my hometown, I started to draw related to video games around 2006 when Zelda Twilight Princess came out on Wii, this game was a big turning point for me because it was one of the first iconic licenses with the character of Link, really I only drew him at the time x). I entered art school when I was 14 because I wanted to become an illustrator (and I still dream of making a living from my art). I didn't have a very good year in the Illustration section because there was already competition between the students who were very gifted in drawing who looked down on the students who were struggling a little too much. I was right in the middle of the people who knew how to draw but who had difficulties and I already had my manga style which was very badly seen at the time. One of my teachers told me "manga is not art". I hated this teacher (spoiler: I still hate her today). The teachers helped the students who were struggling without any more help. I had average or terrible grades because either I couldn't do it or the theme they gave me didn't inspire me. Sometimes I didn't hand in an assignment. It was not easy at all when you had to submit a ton of drawing assignments every 3 weeks outside of general classes, when you came home from school at 6pm, when you were forced to follow a realistic drawing style, when you were not taught the basics of drawing (anatomy, perspective, etc.). I changed departments to go to Computer Graphics and get my graduation diploma. After my studies, I drew from time to time when I had inspiration, whether on paper or on a graphics tablet.

evolution of my drawing style

The discovery of Kingdom Hearts

I discovered the license via Birth by Sleep on PSP, my boyfriend had offered me the game during an outing. I very quickly stopped playing it because I found the game too hard x), I stopped towards the beginning of the game with Ventus. And I didn't touch a game of the license again until 2018 with the first compilation of games on PS3 KH 1.5, I discovered for the first time the first Kingdom Hearts game I had really advanced in the game I had even reached the last level "The End of the World", but I stopped because I had not done enough farming xD, the enemies really did a lot of damage to me, so it very quickly demotivated me and I could not finish the game. A few months later Kingdom Hearts III was released, the trailers shown at E3, etc ... really made me want to because I LOVE Disney, it was the only argument for me to buy the game. x) So I bought the game and I finished it ... and .... even if I had not understood anything about the story, I had liked the game for its Disney universes and for its gameplay. In 2022 I rediscovered all the KH games in compilations on my PC, an acquaintance did regular lives on the KH games after the Kingdom Hearts IV trailer. It made me want to do some too. So I bought KH 1.5 + 2.5 on the epic game store and off I went to do my own marathon. And what a discovery OH MY GOD ! It was just incredible ! It was on this occasion that I finally finished the first Kingdom Hearts, that I discovered Chain of Memories that I didn't finish because I HATE THE GAMEPLAY OF THIS GAME but that I redid this year in 2024, I gave the game a second chance and even if I admit that I'm still not a fan of the gameplay I understood the game better and well now I like this game ! The total discovery of Kingdom Hearts II which was a crazy adventure ! I continued with the theater mode of 358/2 days & Re:coded and replayed and finished all the stories of Birth By Sleep. I then bought KH 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue & Melody Of Memory with once again the total discovery of the games. Overall very good games, and that's how I really started to like the Kingdom Hearts license, and which became my favorite license, despite the criticism because many people find its story complicated to understand. In the meantime I discovered the cinematics of the mobile games Kingdom Hearts Back Cover | Chi | Union Cross | Dark Road and I recently played KH Re:coded & KH 358/2 days on emulator, And in truth it was really cool to have played these games.

A new icon : Sora

When I discovered Kingdom Hearts II, I was totally blown away by Sora's character design, this version of Sora started to inspire me to start drawing again. In 2022 it was the 20th anniversary of the series, after moving to a new region, I was motivated to make a drawing for the 20th anniversary of the European release of Kingdom Hearts (November 15th). I started by making my drawings in July to finish it in November before the deadline. I made 3 illustrations of Sora from KH, KHII & KHIII, it was not perfect but it was a good start to get back into drawing. From January 2023 I started to have a regular rhythm to draw, over the months I started to see a big improvement in my drawings (especially this year in 2024). The character of Sora also made me get back into cosplay after a one-year break in this environment! This character inspires me so much! he has become so important to me. In addition to being endearing, he is always there to put a smile on people's faces, to be in a good mood, to always think of others and to know how to show his true strength when necessary. In short, not a day goes by without an idea coming to my mind around the Kingdom Hearts license.

drawing made in for the 20th anniversary of KH (2022)

one of my drawings made in october 2024)

My evolution in cosplay in the character of Sora (November 2022 - June 2023 - January 2024 - September 2024)

Thank you for coming into my life Kingdom Hearts, you have become such an important license for me, a license that offers me so much inspiration in my creations ! 💖

[lucykuoart]

So I've been through the mod PRHVL nights and I have very strange thoughts, again…

I appreciate the work that was put into this mod as it is not the easiest task

But my thoughts don't fit the views of this fandom, so writing on Twitter is dangerous. And now I put myself at risk. After all, I am the main villain here, the hater and the monster! Although it would take some effort to get me to that point

So, on to the bright side. Hooray, yes, I can complete Olivia's quest as Marcoh and go to the ball with her! Great, although I thought it would be harder, as I always imagined

And when playing as Olivia…you can't invite Marcoh. Almost immediately you see how Daan speaks to you, although, for example, this was not the case with Marcoh. Hmm, why is that and why is it one of the three options? I pretend I don't know, I'm a terrible person, a hater! (no)

I understand that this is a mod, it is from a fan with his own views, and developing a huge number of options is expensive in every sense. But I saw the best moment when Marcoh gives the bracelet to Olivia, talking about his sister and…after we hear that he can't, because he's going with him. Okeeyy… Honestly, this could have been made into a quest, and the event was unexpected and pleasant.And you probably expect this from a romantic mod

Well, at least I almost made a visualization of my fanfic eee

They can tell me that here are Caligula's words in the game, here is Marcoh's behavior, here is the future update… So what? There is no exact yes or no right now, that's all. And also believe Caligula, the most reliable person, yeah. It's as if the unreliable narrator and similar techniques have died out or never existed. And here he is with Tanaka, with Daan together… Yes, together he can be, as with Olivia, as with anyone who is over 18 years old. Why have we reached a point where, let's be honest, a section of the fandom pushes their own views on a character without regard for the interests of others, when a compromise could be reached for everyone? Until December 2023 (wow, a year has passed) and after, I calmly looked at art or read fanfics with Marcoh and not Olivia, like that (There are some cool art and fanfics with Marcoh and Daan, everyone should watch them!) (You may have also seen my content on Marcoh/Pav. And everything is fine, I am grateful to the author for these drawings, everything is fine (sorry, I made Pav badly twice in the mod. But when I found out that we are talking about Pav as an option, playing as Marcoh I smiled, you immediately think about a specific author). There is nothing stopping me from doing this, being a terrible creature who loves the opposite sex. I'll probably be cancelled for these words, but am I lying? We have to compromise. I never said that Marco should be with Olivia, but I don't want the opposite extreme either. Everyone should be comfortable, as long as it doesn't break the law. Let me remind you, Olivia is 20, that's all

Oh, yes, I went to extremes again, but what can I do, I don’t understand anything. So, I wasn't the only one passing through, my fandom friends were there too. I really want to believe that this is not so, some kind of mistake, but when you try to make Daan/Karin in this mod… it won't work. It may also depend on the character, like Marcoh can, but Olivia can't, but I was told this. I want to be wrong, but if not…what has this rather sharp option done to prevent it? I don't want to say anything bad to the author, he doesn't owe us anything and did a great job, I also enjoyed it. But this trend of good and bad thorns, pleasing and unpleasing…is sad. When I joined the fandom in September 2023, everything was fine, everyone did whatever they wanted in this ship sandbox. But it seems to me that after more than a year the situation is getting worse and worse, ultimately dividing people for some absurd reason. Shouldn't we have fun and let there be absurd options? Again, yes, I may be too fanatical, but I will never insist on Marcoh and Olivia together as the truth, EVER. I try to show charm, everything, although yes, I failed, making it only worse, as well as what I write. I'm trying, but it's getting worse and worse, as always, I hate it, this is how life is…. It would probably be even better if I were to be subjected to a barrage of criticism. But I wanted the best, I thought people might find a neutral option…

Yes, in the end it turned into more of a personal record of thoughts, what can you do… I really don't want to offend anyone, please believe me. If I offended anyone in this fandom, said something wrong, forgive me, I never wanted and don't want to. I would rather apologize for everything, I often scare my friends with this So, about the mod at the end… Marina's quest with the mannequins is broken, you need to click on the option with questions if you have the necessary item esc

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

I absolutely adore your hc!! What about the M6 with a tailor MC? You could even tie in some magic with it like them stitching runes on things for protection or like an actual spell!

The Arcana HCs: M6 with a tailor MC

~ I don't know a lot about tailoring outside of like. reattaching a button to my favorite shirt and failing so badly that I never wear it again but also refuse to get rid of it? I need an MC like this in my life too tbh. Thanks for the idea @bee-bug! - brainrot ~

Julian

He knows absolutely nothing about your craft, so he has a healthy amount of respect for it

Is on a constant quest for knowledge so he will ask you about it

As soon as you start introducing all the numbers and measurements involved he's lost

Will give suggestions sometimes for projects you're working on to add some dramatic flair to the piece in question

If you can't really picture what he's trying to describe he will attempt to draw it for you

He is a terrible artist

Will compare the way you stitch fabric to the way he stitches up people in disturbing detail

Will also suggest you help him out sometimes. You will have to politely decline

He's learning to trust magic more and more, so if you tell him that you want to embroider a few protective spells into his clothes he will let you do so

Asra

There are so many patterns they want you to try making for them and none of them make sense

He knows a little about sewing, it comes in handy when he's making protective charms

They don't know anything about tailoring though. What do you mean you have to use measurements?

He will happily let you use him as a model if you need to see how something drapes in motion, he can strut like nobody's business

They do have a bad habit of borrowing your dress forms though

Sometimes it's harmless, like when he used them to prop up a blanket fort

Sometimes it's not, like when they enchanted a few for Spirit's Eve and then for the next few months half the children in the neighborhood would cry when they walked past your shop window

Anytime he gets a new article of clothing he's bringing it to you to alter however you want and add his desired enchantments

They will pay you in kisses and trinkets

Nadia

Congratulations, the queen of fashion is your personal muse now, no pressure

Her design input is impeccable and she's familiar enough with the craft to have intelligent conversations about it

She also loves to spoil you, she'll appear several times a week in your sewing room with a bolt of fabric or a pile of lace or some embellishments to give you

Of course these always end up incorporated into some ensemble she inspired and she is flattered every time

She hates to overtax you but you are her first choice if she needs a new outfit for something

Will credit you anytime someone compliments your work, which happens quite often since those are her favorites

Is intrigued by the way you incorporate latent magic into your work

She'll give you a hefty commission to put spells of her choice into the pieces she already has

Mostly stuff to help her focus and keep away bad vibes

Muriel

Like Asra, he knows a little about needle and thread from all the things he used to craft to be sold in the city, and for making protective charms

Clothing is an afterthought for him though, so you being a tailor wasn't very remarkable to him at first

Until you made him clothes that actually fit

He put them on to humor you and then refused to take them off because they're the first new clothes he's had that were made prioritizing his comfort and preferences

After he met Khamgalai and saw the tapestries the Khokuri use to record their history he developed a whole new level of respect for what you do

You're a tailor, not a tapestry maker, but the professions are close enough and you make wonderful observations when he's studying them

When you offer to stitch some protective wards into his clothes for him he falls in love with you all over again

Portia

Between her garden and your tailoring you two are one of the most self sufficient couples ever

She has definitely tried to make her own clothes before and she probably did a pretty good job, she gets you

She is also happy to help out on any projects that involve a lot of plain stitching

On sunny afternoons you'll sit outside with your work while she gardens and that's when you two have the best conversations

You just have to careful around Pepi, because she loves trying to hunt all the dangling things you're always working with

The only time Portia has every truly lost her temper with Pepi was when she got into a project you were working on and shredded it

What's really fun is working on practical new magic ideas together

You've been teaching her to use it in her garden and she suggests handy enchantments for your clothes

Your favorites are the ones that keep the cloth smooth and the thread detangled

Lucio

He doesn't get it at first

Like he loves you and he values you but what, you sit around all day measuring people and poking holes in cloth?

Until he watches you put a whole piece together, start to finish, and that's so cool you can make whatever clothes you want!

He's never seen anybody make clothes before. Will you make them for him too? Will you make him look dashing? Come measure him, he can stand still, feel free to pose him however you please

It needs to be red. Not like red accents. It needs to be red.

It needs more gold. Are you sure that's all you can fit? What do you mean "less is more," obviously more is more!

He's not allowed to make design suggestions any more

He's always had a fascination for magic though so once he finds out how you incorporate it he will bring you *every* piece of cloth he wears and ask for enchantments

[nian-7]

Hello there! Can I get a matchup for HypMic (platonic & romantic) and Genshin (platonic & romantic)? Any gender for platonic, but only male characters for romantic.

Zodiac: Aries (actually Pisces-Aries cusp if that matters)

MBTI: ISTJ

Enneagram: 5w6

I like structure, so routines give me comfort. I like to have my day planned out in the morning or the day before. I’m fine with few and slight deviations, but many and larger ones not only give me anxiety but also piss me off. For these kinds, I want at least 1-day notice, so I can rearrange my schedule.

I like order and cleanliness, so messiness is one of my biggest pet peeves.

I’m not an adventurous person, so I like to stick to what I know. If I were to be put into an unfamiliar situation, such as taking a trip to somewhere I have never been, then I would do some research ahead of time. I guess you can say that I don’t like to wing it.

I’m an indoor person rather than an outdoor. When I’m outdoors, my favorite places to go are local and national parks; I like being surrounded by nature with little people around. When I’m indoor, I enjoy binge-watching, drawing, and playing video games (RPG, open word, action, adventure, puzzle, and mystery/horror/romance visual novels).

I struggle with new people, but I feel that I’m quick to warm up to others.

I really hate conflicts, and I’m terrible with confrontations. I worry about upsetting others as well as am scared of being hurt, so I avoid asserting myself even when I feel/think that I’m right. I’m very sensitive, so I tend to take things personally, even when I logically know better. These are some of the reasons why I prefer to be a follower rather than a leader.

I’m not a big talker and like to keep to myself, so I really like being with others who are comfortable with verbal silence and don’t mind that I’m just physically existing in the same space as them. I’m not much of a talker, but I like to listen to others talk when they’re troubled.

I get jealous and envious easily, but it’s never to the point of being possessive and vindictive.

My love languages are acts of service, gifts, and words of affirmation; the one that I use the least is physical touch. The love languages that I like to receive are acts of service and words of affirmation.

I hope that this is enough information for you. Thanks for reading my rambling!

that's more than enough info, don't worry! enjoy your matchup!

I match you with... (platonically)

Jean!

-So, you'll notice a trend with these characters in the way that I tried to pick some clean and organized individuals! Jean being the first one.

-She also enjoys having a schedule and doesn't deviate from it much either. It just feels like the two of you have similar personalities which would lead you to both get along well.

-Jean is able to be assertive for you when you're not comfortable with doing so, often being there to defend you if needed when you don't feel like you can.

-She also thinks a lot about things she says so I don't think there'd be a miscommunication problem with her. She'll always make sure her words can't be taken badly but she can't always control that when she's upset.

I match you with... (romantically)

Zhongli!

-Zhongli is a gentle and polite man and respects your need for structure and organization. He's overall respectful of however you are and cares about you no matter what.

-Although he may not be confrontational either, he still will stand up for his lover. It may be a very calm defense but it still has good intentions of defending you.

-His love language is quality time but, he doesn't mind occasionally using words of affirmation. Acts of service are also nice too! He enjoys doing things for you and doesn't mind doing favors when you ask.

-He enjoys verbal silence if neither of you are talking or if he's talking about something he found interesting recently. He likes silence so it's no problem to him since you're still there.

I match you with... (platonically)

Hitoya Amaguni!

-Again, I picked more organized people/people who'd be able to take confrontation for you and be assertive and so that's how we get Hitoya!

-He's more assertive and confrontational than you and doesn't take lightly to it, especially if it was a reoccurring thing. I likely would have picked Kuko instead but, he was a bit too disorganized even though he would be assertive.

-Honestly, he doesn't try to push you out of your comfort zone and just goes along with whatever you want to do. He will sometimes if you express to him that you want to try it but usually he won't.

-Doesn't mind being a friend you can lean back on when you're not feeling confident with new people or with the environment you're in. He'll be there for you to fall back onto if you need to take a second and he won't ask questions unless you say something about it outright.

I match you with... (romantically)

Rosho Tsutsujimori!

-Rosho can get very defensive and protective of you seeing as you don't like confrontation. Seeing as he once chased down a guy because he was scamming his student, he'd have no problem getting into an argument for your sake.

-His words are always gentle when they're towards you even when he sometimes can come off harsh when talking to someone like Sasara. He tones it down for you knowing that you're more sensitive to words.

-He enjoys talking about his day since you're willing to listen. He talks about his students fondly and he honestly really appreciates the fact that you're willing to listen so intently.

-He tries his best to give you the love you deserve and shows it through acts of service usually, often finding it a bit difficult to show that love through words but it's the thought that counts!

[fieldofdaisiies]

Lovers At Last (pt. 3)

secret santa gift for @iftheshoef1tz ❤️ @acotargiftexchange ship: Azriel x Eris type: angst (with a hint of fluff) word count: 3,4k words warnings: talks about domestic violence story masterlist | ao3

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again. Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,  the world offers itself to your imagination,  calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting… (Mary Oliver, Wild Geese)

Eris folds his manuscript, and finally lowers his gaze from where he has been staring out of the window for the past minutes. He shoves the manuscript —something about blood tests to figure certain illnesses— and shoves it into the front pocket of his small bag. There's an ache in his heart and it won't go away. It has been there since the moment Azriel left. Last evening. 

And this evening…Azriel will leave completely. Romania. What will Azriel do there? He doesn't even speak the language. And what if they catch him?

Harsh and Exciting - the only words to describe the journey ahead of Azriel and Eris can't let himself imagine what that will mean. What dangers Azriel will face. He will never see him again. Even if he survives he will never—

"Herr Doktor?" Schwester Nuala asks with a sort of urgency and impatience in her tone. Has she been talking to him for longer? Hasn't he heard her before? Noticed her?

Eris has to admit he doesn't quite care. He turns to look over his shoulder, his neck and shoulders tense from the pressure weighing down on him. 

"A woman is here."

"For me?" Eris raises a brow and nurse Nuala stifles a chuckle. She knows it is not appropriate to laugh at your boss, but he looks like a deer caught in headlight and she wonders what he has been thinking about that has captured him so terrible. 

"Not exactly, but she wants to see the woman called Emerie. Is she allowed to visit her?"

Eris draws in a deep inhale and then nods. He moves his bag to the end of the desk, leaning it against the wall, the manuscript long forgotten.

"Who is she? Someone from the family?"

Nuala shakes her head. "No, she says she is a friend. She is the singer from the theatre. Gwyneth Berdara, the slender woman with the copper hair and the wonderful voice." 

Eris curls his hands around the backrest of the chair, almost like he wants to keep his body from curling inwards. The singer who often performs with Azriel's orchestra. Why out of all people would exactly she be friends with Emerie. 

Eris shakes his head and brings a hand up to brush his hair back. Nuala is still looking at him, waiting. 

"She-she is allowed t-to." Eris clears his throat, and smoothes out his sterile coat. "I am coming with you, I need to check on the girl anyway." 

Eris follows Nuala out of his office, sliding his hands into the pockets of his white sterile coat, fumbling with pieces of fabric - something to keep him occupied and calm his racing thoughts. He can't let him go. He can't let him go alone.

But he has to. He can't come along. Azriel has to stay. 

There is so much going on his mind. It feels like a whirlwind is brewing. The emotions make him feel dizzy, his head heavy. His heart heavily thumps in his chest, aching fiercely. 

The woman here for Emerie is waiting patiently, a smile blooming on her lips when she takes in Eris. 

He swallows and then clears his throat again. "You are—"

"Gwyneth Berdara. If I remember correctly you are a constant visitor of the theatre, am I right?" she asks with a smile on her face. She just wants to be kind, but the mention of the theatre makes the back of Eris' mouth ache. 

He wanted to forget about Azriel so badly. At least during the hours at work. Thinking of Azriel will become inevitable in the evening, the long hours at night, anyway. But at least now…he wanted some peace, but it is not possible. Azriel is always there, his love for him too strong, his touch and scent imprinted on him. Azriel is always with him. HIs heart is with him. Azriel, has given him his heart, and Eris always keeps it safe. 

I carry your heart with me I carry it in my heart

I am never without it 

Anywhere I go you go, my dear (e.e. cummings)

When Azriel first told him he loves him…Since this very moment Eris treasures his heart. But he…he had not even once said it back. Too scared of what it means. Too scared of getting his heart broken. And now he is the one who broke Azriel's heart. The director expected it to be safe with Eris and all he has done with it, is cause it pain.. 

Eris extends a hand. "After you, Frau Berdara." He has to swallow again, his throat burning like he has drunk acid. 

They enter the room where Emerie rests with a few other women and her eyes immediately light up when they land on Gwyn. 

Eris gives the women a bit of space, preparing his utensils - the ones he needs for Emerie. She will receive a bit more of a painkiller through a syringe so sleeping and lying on her back becomes easier. The gastritis has been very strong. 

"Why are you here?" Emerie asks, a lovely smile gracing her lips. She reaches her hand out to Gwyn who immediately takes it and then sits down on the bed. 

"Because you are my best friend, and you are not feeling well. Obviously, I came to see you." Gwyn smiles, her thumb brushing over the back of her best friend's hand. 

"Oh, Gwynny," Emerie hums. "But how do you have time? You are always practicing on Monday mornings?"

Gwyn shakes her head and Eris focuses on her, syringe in his hand somehow forgotten. 

"Singer cancelled the orchestra practice today. And also the show this evening. He said he wasn't feeling well and had to cancel."

Eris' throat constricts. Azriel truly meant it. He is going to leave. Today. 

The doctor's hands start to tremble, almost so much the syringe slips out of them. But he tries to level his breathing, tries to focus. This is his work - he has to concentrate. 

Eris' gaze lifts and he looks at the window, outside. Almost like he can see right to Azriel’s home. Or the place he called home. Azriel will soon leave and he will never—

It is the women's giggle that fetches him back to the moment. Eris turns to them, his fingers curling tighter around the cool tool in his hand. He has to focus now. 

"I will give you another small injection, Emerie. If that is alright?"

Emerie nods, a small smile on her lips. Eris can see the slight hint of nervousness in her eyes - a syringe scares many people, she is definitely not the only one. 

Eris gentle takes her arm into his hand, cleans the skin, searches for a vein and then inserts the injection without Emerie noticing anything. He has very skilled fingers - his patients never feel any kind of pain. 

But still a grimace spreads over her face and she looks up at Eris with big eyes. 

"There you go, Emerie. This will help with the pain and speed up your healing," the doctor reassures her with a warm smile.

Emerie nods weakly, Gwyn holds her other hand, concern etched upon her face.

"Frau Berdara you can stay a while, but Emerie needs a lot of rest at the moment," Eris advises. "I'll leave you two for a bit. Emerie, take it easy. If you need anything call for a nurse."

As he exits the room, the door closes softly behind him, giving the two best friends some privacy. 

Once outside, Eris inhales deeply, his eyes closing. Is this a sign? That Gwyneth Berdara showed up here? Is she here only so she can remind him of Azriel? 

Eris swallows thickly and shakes his head. 

"Guten Abend, Herr Doktor!"

His throat feels so dry when he wants to answer, his voice croaky when he finally brings out a greeting of his own. "Guten Abend, Schwester Cerridwen."

He walks past her, not even deigning her a look. His head feels dizzy, the world around him blurring. It is almost like walls are moving closer, capturing him. He feels like a captive, his throat constricting. He can't breathe anymore, stumbling to his office. His hand comes up and he fidgets with the top button of his shirt, loosening it. 

He is going to lose Azriel. He loves him and now he is going to lose him. He is going to lose the love of his life. 

The doctor staggers into his office, nearly tripping over his own feet. A ragged breath leaves him when he braces his hands on the white desk and throws his head back. The only thing from crying out loud are the thin walls of the hospital. People would hear him and think he has gone mad. And maybe he has.

He definitely has. For letting Azriel go. Alone. 

Azriel has been alone so much. And now he left him alone as well. 

If something happened to Azriel, he would never—

"Not now!" He growls as an answer to the knock on the door. He is not in the right state of mind to talk about medical business right now. 

He has to do something. He can't let him go alone. His life is Azriel. And without Azriel his life is not worth living. He has to—

"Yes, now!" That voice.

Eris only merely lifts his head, but his entire body shudders when his eyes land on Leutnant Proteus. Oberleutnant Keir's second yesterday. 

"Can I help you, Herr Leutnant?" Eris asks, not able to keep the bitterness from his tone.

"I am here to pick up my daughter." His voice is nothing but a bored snarl, and the elder man strokes a hand down his coarse beard. 

"Unfortunately she is not yet ready to leave."

"And who says that?" The Leutnant steps into the room, giving Eris a once-over. 

To that Eris straightens up. He turns off the light on his desk, surrounds it and leans his hip against it. Then he crosses his arms in front of his broad chest. "I say that. And I may ask you now to leave. My office and the hospital. Emerie stays at least another night."

"She won't—"

"She will." Eris tilts his chin. "She needs to recover. Would you like me to call for someone to escort you outside?" 

Eris' demeanour does not waver, despite the worry and whirlwind in his mind, he portrays the image of the confident and cold doctor. 

The Leutnant snarls, and shakes his head. Then he turns to the door and takes two steps toward it. His hand curls around the handle, slowly and he pulls it open. Eris knows there is still something to come and he doesn't have to wait long. 

"Everyone is aware that you like to stray a little bit from who men are supposed to like. Heard you have a thing for dicks."

Eris clicks his tongue, and then a cold chuckle leaves him. Leutnant Proteus is almost out of the door, making sure some people catch up on their conversation. But Eris has none of it.

"Quite bold words for someone who hits his own daughter." His voice is loud, and stern.

The Leutnant swirls around, rage etched upon his features. "You—" he seethes, but Eris cuts him off by lifting his hand.

"If I or one of the nurses and other doctors ever see bruises on her arm again, Leutnant, I will make sure that you will never ever work in this position again. If needed, I will make sure to personally escort you to a prison cell." Eris dips his chin. "If you'll excuse me now, there is something I need to do," Eris says and shrugs out of his coat. He shoves past the Leutnant and then rushes down the corridor. To his nurses and colleagues, he says, "Keep your heads up, and…have a good evening."

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. (Mary Oliver, Wild Geese)

And what he loves — there is only one thing, one person in his life that he truly loves. And this person's name hollows through his mind when he sets out for a sprint, air whooshing in and out of his lungs. 

✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　 . ✦

"Fuck," Azriel groans, his hand brushing some damp strands of hair out of his face. His jacket does not fit into his old, shabby suitcase. Maybe he does not need it anyway? It is summer here in Berlin, hence it is also summer in Romania. He tosses the jacket away and tries to close the suitcase again. 

The tears he shed throughout the night are still visible on his face, now dried streaks on his cheeks. 

He shoves a small leather wallet into the outside pocket of his suitcase and his eyes land on a folded piece of weathered paper. It unfolds with a soft crinkle. His mother's smile, so warm, so familiar, something he hasn't seen in so long. 

These were happy times. Berlin before the war. Before the…

As his fingers trace the edges of the photograph, his gaze lingers, lost in the whirlwind of emotions it evokes. The love, the loss, the ache of separation - they all swirl within him. 

And now he is going to lose another person. He has no idea when or how he is ever going to see his mother again. She is still in Great Britain, and how should he get there?

He is alone. Azriel is once again alone. Like always. He is always alone. And just when he thought he wouldn't be alone, having found Eris, having fallen in love with him, he is losing him again. 

A tear makes its way down his cheek, and Azriel blinks rapidly. He neatly folds the picture and shoves it back into the wallet, packing it away and continuing to pack. 

Azriel rushes around in his flat, collecting bits and bobs, here and there. And as he rushes around, he spots a ring—a special ring. It’s just a simple silver band, no stones or anything on it. Eris gifted it to him a short time ago. Holding it gently, he feels its heaviness, carrying memories of a love that…no longer is. A love that is forbidden and was never meant to last. 

Azriel swallows thickly, fighting the dryness in his throat, the ache at the back of his mouth. With a heavy heart, he places the ring gently in a pocket, letting it rest against his chest, close to his beating heart. The pain is palpable, throbbing in the silence of the room, only interrupted by the noises of cars outside and his own ragged breaths. 

The sun is slowly starting to set which means he has to leave soon. He needs to catch the evening train. 

18:12, Nordbahnhof, Platform 6

He draws in a deep inhale. Then he continues to pack and also clean his flat. It feels like closure. Leaving this place and everything he has had here behind. A new part of his life is going to start. One he hoped would include Eris. But if the man doesn't want to join him…

Azriel just doesn't understand what would keep Eris here. 

Eventually, his suitcase is sealed, the room tidied, and he stands there, in front of his mirror, in the fading light of the outside world. Azriel regards himself for a moment, and knows, even if it means leaving the person he loves most behind, that what he is about to do is the right decision. He can't live here anymore. 

Can't pretend to be someone else every single day of his life. He wants to be somewhere where he can be himself. Somewhere…somewhere else. Not Germany. Not a country that has never accepted him. Not a country that will never accept him. He needs to leave.

Azriel smoothes down his shirt, and inhales deeply. The light in his eyes faded the moment Eris told him he wouldn’t come with him. He knows it will take a long time for the light to return, but he will find happiness. Somewhere. Somehow. 

Azriel reaches for the switch, plunging the room into darkness. For a moment, he lingers, taking in the quiet emptiness that now envelops his life. His heart. There is the void again. This deep, dark and cold void. 

Eris had started to fill it with love and happiness. He made him feel alive and—

Azriel shakes his head. He does not want to think about that now. Or him. 

With a resigned sigh, he turns towards the door, fingers grazing the cool door handle. His scarred fingers curl around it and he…he did not want to think about Eris, but he can't help himself and remembers the first time they met — when Eris tended to his wounds. He fell in love with him in that moment. 

Azriel pulls down the handle and opens the door. His breath catches in his throat. 

Their eyes meet, a collision of emotions

The weight of unspoken words hang heavy in the air, a palpable tension. The silence stretches out, taut like a violin string, almost like the part in a piece of music before the big climax. Until Eris breaks the stillness. 

"I fell in love with you the first moment I laid eyes on you. Right away I was taken by your eyes, your smile, your beauty, your kindness, your charm, but it was your mind, your intelligence, your wit, that won me over. Every time we touch I get a sort of feeling no one else could ever evoke in me." Eris swallows thickly. "You being in my life brought me more happiness than you can ever imagine. I know you love me."

Eris moves in closer. "And I love you. With my whole heart and body. And I should have told you so many times before. I love you, Azriel." He inhales. "And I want to join you. I want us to run away together. Wherever it takes us. I want to be with you. Wherever we go, wherever we end up. Because I love you."

He cradles Azriel's face in his hands, making him meet his gaze. "You are the person I want to spend my life with. The one person I want to grow old with. And if we are not allowed to live here the way we want it, we have to seek life somewhere else." 

Azriel is too baffled to talk. But Eris doesn't need him to talk. Not yet.

"Your mother still lives in Britain, doesn't she?"

Azriel nods, his throat too constricted to talk. "Seems like we try to go from Romania to Great Britain. We are leaving tonight."

“Bu-t you?” Azriel is still speechless, lips parted, his eyes wide open. “You…you don’t want to leave?”

“I want to be with you, Azriel.” Eris strokes his thumbs over his lover’s cheeks. “I don’t want to spend a single day without you. I need you in my life. You are my life. I can’t let you go. I love you.” His thumb catches a single tear, brushing it away. “Wherever you are, I want to be with you. I will find work again and so will you. And we will always have each other.”

Dropping one hand, he slides it into Azriel's. "Let the journey begin. I love you and I can't wait for a future with you."

Stepping outside, they are embraced by the night, hidden in the shadows of the city that is going to sleep. They don't know what awaits them in the future. In Romania. At the train station. They don't know if police is waiting for them. They don't know how dangerous the journey will be. But they will try. Whatever it needs to find true happiness. 

the world offers itself to your imagination,  calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting (Mary Oliver, Wild Geese)

Harsh and exciting - just like the journey ahead of them!

azris tags: @azrielsbabyg @lady-riel @moonlightazriel @aayo-whatt @brekkershadowsinger @ladyelain @banasheefan56 @a-frog-with-a-laptop @ofduskanddreams @acourtofladydeath @secret-third-thing @born-to-riot @honeysuckle-daydreams13

[all-pacas]

we know what the hospital rumor mill thinks about house, but what do they say about the fellows? especially after the entire hospital finds out that chase the flirt is hooking up with cameron the noble in supply closets?

I think we largely know what people's reputations are, thanks to Amber in 97 Seconds.

Foreman is considered House's protege, which is not a positive. We see in Kids that other doctors and Nurse Brenda find him entitled and annoying. We hear from Cuddy that he is unhireable. He's arrogant, he's unfriendly. He dated a nurse for a while in S3, and she broke up with him because he was a total ass (his romantic Valentine's Day present was "go to college in Boston"; when she was upset he had the all time killer "I am not taking you back if you act like this :(" line, to which Wendy had to point out bitch, I'm upset, I'm not begging for you). In general, Foreman's kinda… socially awkward. He's really good at playing the part, he knows how he's supposed to act, but it's kind of fake, you know? Not in Chase's suck up charm way, but in the way you can kind of tell Foreman doesn't mean it. He's also, uh, very good at malpractice? I mean, they all do it, it's unfair Foreman gets singled out. But he definitely gets caught more. He killed a woman. He ruined a Huntington's Trial. His malpractice is kind of public (which is also probably why he alone gets stuck with the unhireable reputation).

From Amber, we know that a) Cameron has a reputation for compassion and caring and wanting to help people and b) "this is why people find you annoying." We know in S5 for example that Cameron runs community outreach programs, she takes on extra work, she's helpful! But people do seem to find her annoying. My theory is she's sort of like one of those vegans who love to tell you how great being vegan is and how you should be vegan, and you're like Cameron. That's great. I'm glad that works for you. I don't want to do 16 hours of overtime feeding the homeless this week.

As established, Chase is an asskissing nepobaby opportunist who will screw anyone over to help himself. He's a flirt — although (I actually like this) the show actually does show all his hookups as being fairly polite and both-sided, like, there's no "ugh, I can't believe I slept with that fuckboy!"; whenever Chase is shown with a one night stand they're both like "haha what was your name again? lol see ya!" — even in the "three hookup wedding" he's on perfectly good terms with all three of the women after. Which is nice. He's still a dumb whore opportunist, but he doesn't treat women badly. Good for him.

It's a little harder to say what later teams reputations are, because over time the show shifts focus kinda. Park absolutely has a terrible reputation — she's the Weird Resident Who Punched Her Boss. Taub seems to float around inexplicably popular and well liked despite fucking more nurses than Chase does. Kutner was apparently considered enough of a liability that Cuddy tried to draw a rare line to keep him from getting hired. Everyone hated Amber. I feel like Thirteen's reputation is True Neutral: no one knows a goddamn thing about her, but she never does anything to really piss them off, either.

especially after the entire hospital finds out that chase the flirt is hooking up with cameron the noble in supply closets?

I think we know this too! Namely, in Fetal Position, when the news is out, Cuddy and Foreman both make a point of speaking to Cameron and Chase about it. And what they both say is "Chase is gonna break Cameron's heart. Oh no, poor Cameron. She's gonna be so hurt." And in Foreman's case: "And that will be so annoying for me." (Foreman is such a hater and I love him)

And of course the irony is that no, Chase is the one who got hurt. Repeatedly! But it says a lot about people's perceptions of them both. Chase is assumed to be unfeeling and uncaring. Cameron, everyone figures, is probably already head over heels in love. I bet most people thought he seduced her.

[gemwolfz]

good morning chat (<- it's 12:30 pm) its time for a GEM FROG WATCHPOST (instead of putting it in the bg while i draw because ive accepted i cant draw and read at the same time)

btw my very legal straming site doesnt have episode descriptions and no way im remembering an episode thats been mentioned by number so i have no idea what im getting into. also im setting a timer to truly see how long my autistic ass can stretch a 15 minute episode. ok lets get started :)

okay first of all intro i havent seen yet lets GOOOO. PURURU SIGHTING IN THERE HEY GIRL!! i actually need to watch some eps with pururu in em btw. like hey show her to me. anyway good intro lots of guys spotted :)

^ CATEGORY 5 DORORO EVENT HI. experiencing the horrors as usual i see

i see so this is what we're doing today huh. do you intend to rip my heart out.

im sorry they have a fucking invasion planning chore wheel? thats really funny

OH IT'S THIS ONE HUH. THIS IS WHAT WE'RE DOING HUH (lovingly)

wcdonalds btw. sorry sorry wcdonalds cracks me up every time in any show

^^ his ass did NOT process what was just said!!!

he had it right the first several times cmon man.

hes taking this in stride huh. even in category 5 THE LORE situations the silly grind doesnt stop

why is zeroro resonance so fucking stupid btw. sorry man.

screenshot that speaks for itself man

somehow i dont think "my alien ninja partner is in serious trouble i need to leave immediately" will be counted as an excused absence by your teachers but after scaling a building in a single leap i dont think anybodys gonna question you. i love you koyuki

[this image set broke in the editor but it included keroro and tamama calling zeroro SO MEAN for not explaining his plan to them] frankly i respect keroros unwillingness to treat situations with the proper gravity because i do the same thing king

his ass does not care

he changed his mind something is terribly wrong

okay lets be real here the platoon would NOT have found him there. if he hadn't been able to contact koyuki he'd have been fucked. badly. something something being saved again by the person who showed you the warmth and beauty the planet has to offer

literally yeah the fate of the planet is held by natsumi being able to throw frogs like splat balls. pov youre giroro and the number one person standing between you guys and invasion is decidedly the girl who is constantly personally stopping you from blowing shit up. this is a personal attack

important and relevant but also im sorry "brat" is incredibly funny word choice coming from tamama

no reaction i can put into words. btw this episode is labelled as a filler episode. just so you know. i just think thats funny. haha so silly

aye.......................................... i would be using more reaction images but i have to prioritize screenshots. anyway god.

they were holding their fucking BREATH. his ass could have died!! badly!!! their deep sigh of relief is not as visible as i'd have hoped but you know. you feel me.

there are reactions i am making that are sound effects i cannot put into words sorry. im better at posting silly nonsense im sure you understand. hell, post horse staring at the ocean MAN again

he goes "i'm sorry about that, everyone!" as if it was fucking nothing. DUDE. This is why you caught that trauma-eating brain parasite because you just act like shit was NOTHING DUDE...

........yea...........................

NO EYECATCH OR ANYTHING? YOURE JUST GONNA TAKE US TO THE NEXT EPISODE? OKAY. OKAY THATS FINE. THAT'S FINE.

gem conclusion:

anyway i spent an hour watching this ten minute episode. sorry for maybe a weak reaction post i need to stir this episode in my head like a soup. thank you plates for your recommendation. join me in the rbs later as i may watch episode B and experience whatever tonal whiplash this episode came with

[artfromsaturn]

 Previous Dresses: Scarecrow | Riddler, Ra’s, Two-face, & Penguin

I think this will be the last of my Batman Villain Lolita Post for now, with a few of the more challenging villains.  Again, feel free to make your own designs or use these in some way, the more the merrier. :D  

A few thoughts underneath the read more + alt colors for Zsazs & Killer Moth

Black version for Zsazs to keep with his pants & classic Killer Moth:

Pyg: I think he’s one of the most Devianart Edgelord of the Batman villains, but his portrayal in Arkham Knight was done well enough that I warmed up to him.  His plastic surgery nightmare face design is fun and the reactions of the victims & other people worked well, and showed Lazlo as terribly messed up instead of cool edgelordsona.  Like, you know, a person who’d exist.  Good job Batwriters. 

Anyway I leaned towards the guro lolita + simple butcher look his comic and his game designs went for.  There are extra additions of frills for both a more “doll”ish look and a touch of ita, since tacky feels part of his character.  I didn’t want to just make a mask so I framed the hair as “pigtails” (what else?).  I think some make up would add to the look to make the doll idea and the pig idea go farther.  The pattern on the bottom of the skirt and boots is supposed to be those chain link people you can cut from a piece of paper that all hold hands, all perfect, like Pyg declares his dollitrons.  I’m not sure how successful the transparent apron is but at the end oft the day I like it and that’s what counts.

Freeze: This design might lean too much towards literal costume and less into a more practical interpretation of the design, but I can’t help it, I like the Tron and glowy stuff aesthetic.  Doing a retro futuristic lolita look was too fun of an idea to pass up.  Not much has changed outside of converting it to a dress and turning the gauntlets into Miku bell sleeves.  Snowflake earrings & delicate hair for Fries’ one true love & because they’re pretty.

Black Mask: I didn’t want to do all skulls since there’s enough dresses out there that do that, so I ended up with the mask part of his name.  Made sure to give the rich colors of a mobster along with the swag of the suit as well.  I think this one could be designed to be better and less busy (to fit in with the sleekness of Black Mask’s look more) but I wanted to go a bit over the top because why not, Lolita’s very theatrical.  

Ventriloquist: Ok, this is a silly one.  This is nice and casual lolita that doesn’t look too close to Wesker, but that’s because Wesker’s design is supposed to be intentionally plain and meek.  Without the (badly drawn, sorry) Tommy gun purse & Scarface, I don’t think he’s recognizable.  That’s not a bad thing - him and Scarface complement each other perfectly and make a memorable design.  So I did my best to make a cute casual coord and add the few touches to make it look more like Wesker, & drew a teeny Scarface to show such.  I wish I could have done more to reference Peyton Riley/the second Ventriloquist but all I could capture was the color since her design is also very simple. 

Scarface himself only got colors that were closer to the outfit.  I didn’t fancy him up too much since I think it would mess with the gangster look he has, which is already close to aristocrat fashion in the lolita world.  He was lucky not to get extra frills at the ends of his sleeves!

Zsazs: another mainly Arkham Design.  Most of mine are based partially on Arkham since that’s where I get most of my Batman fix, apologies!  Anyway, I just liked the idea of a skin-flesh dress with the locks and buckles of the Arkham prisoner jacket/uniform.  The bell sleeves already being on him made this a lot easier.  I left a spot open where I was going to draw the bat symbol, but I decided against it.

Killer Moth: Top are his Arkham Asylum Artwork colors since I think they’re very nice.  Went for a cute little 1960s inspired fur coat & bob, as his design is already psychedelic. Gave a fun flower crown to round out the colors & hold up some cute moth antenna.

Firefly: His The Batman design was the most unique to pull from and a good starting point to make an outfit.  I took some inspiration of the warning stripes, junk around the belt, & burnt skin tights from the Arkham version too.  *ellis voice* I ever tell you about the time Keith and I made fireworks? Otherwise, his design would have been much harder to work with considering it’s mostly a solid suit with not many features in his apperances.  It would have had to be more abstract if I went for one of those.  

But yeah his The Batman design and designs spinning off from it kick ass, so I did a sporty-ish look.  I hope the bonnet doesn’t look too silly, I just wanted headware that differed the outfit from Killer Moth better.

Strange: Another design that had to go with the Arkham look.  Strange is a classic villain with his face being one of his big, defining features.  This is a great thing in character design, it just means it’s harder to make an outfit around it! 

I love the classic mad scientist look so I didn’t stray too far from it, it looks fun medical Lolita already. All I really did was add the medical book brain pattern (thank you British Library) + little bats, because of course he’d have bats on his brain.  It’s also a nod to his habit of Batman Cosplay & impersonation.

A few people I thought of but didn’t make dresses for:

Joker - He’s fabulous, I just didn’t feel jokery & wanted to focus on others more.

Catwoman, Harley, & Ivy - All three ladies have so many designs it’s hard to choose.  They have so much more freedom with their designs than most of the male crooks.  I’d have to make like... 4+ outfits for each just like I did with Scarecrow if I was to ever be satisifed. ;w;

Mad Hatter, White Rabbit - All the Alice themed supervillains have been done as Lolita Coords by Lolita fashion already since, well, Alice was a big inspiration for the fashion in general. I’d be down for them but I just felt bad because I couldn’t think of how to separate them from others as well as I could, like how I made Black Mask’s design more elaborate as to make sure the themes and connections to the villain was clear rather than just a skull design.

Killer Croc & Man-bat: Also hard to differ between a general animal-themed coord and them.  

Thanks, hope you guys are enjoying your new year so far. :D

[vtforpedro]

life and whatnot

It's not very good but I wanted to say I'm managing. Barely. Thank you for your comments on my last post about Isis. I appreciate them more than I can say. And a huge thank you to @thoseveganelves for a beautiful drawing of her that is my lock screen on my phone <3 thank you again. I'm having problems with Lilly now. I truly hope she'll be ok and they're more behavioral than something actually wrong but there are a few concerning things. Moreover, me and my mom's relationship is shit. She did something yesterday involving Lilly and I'm not sure I can forgive her. Or anything that's happened since the lumbar puncture I wish I never did. It was supposed to be an easy procedure to get a diagnosis and treatment but it ruined my life to such a terrible degree lol wild. I'm exhausted. My head gets pretty severe and then I'll have a break. Enough now that I have been able to watch some shows for the first time in years! They have to be easy and relatively calm shows with not much action or fast camera movement but the fact that I can while my head is in a respite is pretty great. I was working on art like crazy too but shit happened and my creative bug disappeared for a while. I'm writing in another fandom and started up more recently again after a short break. It sucks not to be creative b/c arting/writing is still about all I can do. I do miss bagginshield quite a lot right now. My neurologist is still an asshole. I cry every time I have to interact with him in some way and when I tried to switch within the same group, they wouldn't allow it. They had to talk to him about it so now he knows I'm trying to escape him lmao but thankfully the next time I see neuro is with his PA and I'll get a break from him. It's insane how they can do this to patients and not give a fuck. I lied out my teeth tho when I was trying to switch and said he did right by me, with absolutely no problems (totally didn't leave me in excruciating pain for five entire months). Oh well! My mom and I are supposed to start family therapy soon but they're not calling me back which is strange. My therapist is trying to get them to move on it. It was pulling teeth to get my mom to agree and took a massive fight for that to happen. She used to be my number one. Now I can't trust her with me or my fucking cat. My entire body tenses so badly when she is here. I love my mom with all my heart but I do not like who she has become. I'm so tired. MH is in the tank. I miss Isis severely. She was my soul cat and what happened to her was awful. But her spirit is here. I was never a spiritual person before but too many things are happening that are distinctly Isis™ so I know she's here. Beyond what may be a medical issue, Lilly has blossomed into a different cat, most of it good, but she has seemed very unsettled at times and it hasn't calmed down much since mid-May. Keeping an eye on her. Her vet gave us a prescription for gabapentin and it fucked Isis up so much that I'm nervous about it. But Isis was weird like me and cats usually respond well to it. I hate to make Lilly sedated in any way too but she may have some tooth pain rn and it'd help that. I have pretty bad nerve pain in my face and gaba is a lifesaver for me. Anyway this is rambling like usual. I'm tired and I'm unwell and just want to be well enough to be by myself with my cat again. I have a long road ahead of me to get there. Thanks for listening. 💜 Love you all very much. I am thankful you're here and I'm sending as much warmth as I can. You are all amazing people. Thank you.

[asrainstorm]

(Sorry in advance: unfortunately, English is not my first language but I felt the urge to speak up)

Everyone’s talking about how badly Crowley is hurt, and, God & others, I can imagine; it must be extremely hard time for him! Not with one single thought I ever underestimated his pain, I love Crowley so much and just hope that everything will get better. However, I really wonder why so few people talk about Aziraphale’s feelings? I doubt very much that he is completely on cloud nine – I mean, well, you get it.

We all agreed with the fact that heaven for him are like parents-abusers who have religiously traumatized him so much that he doesn’t even realize their toxicity now. And most of us also agreed that the following came out of the previous agreement – it was worth heaven ("parents") to throw him literally a grain of attention, say a couple of nice words and he rushed to them immediately. Not right away, of course, but think about it: your terribly conservative parents, who literally retell you Bible passages instead of giving real family advices, suddenly say, like, come home, our dear, we allow you to rearrange your room, hang a couple of posters and, oh, you can even bring your demon-boyfriend! (I'm sure for heaven and hell this kind of relationship is equal to homophobia on Earth, so forgive me for using gender so bluntly)

Doesn't that sound amazing? You don't even think about how many millimeters you now allowed to move your desk lamp, because they said you can take your demon-boyfriend with you who will – wait for it – cease to be demon and you will finally have a chance together! Hurray! But stop, it seems you forgot that your demon-boyfriend doesn't want your heaven-room, which you will gladly rebuild just for him, or the opportunity to draw stars on the ceiling again. He just wants to be with you, on "your" side.

And you can't do that.

Aziraphale is an angel who saw all the crimes of heaven, did not agree with them and still continued to believe that "it’s the side of truth, of light". "Of good". Though he himself was absolutely petrified with all this killing of Job’s children theme, for example. He just can't stop. After all, it’s only for us 6,000 years – a hella lot of time, when he is sorely lacking it. He didn’t fall like Crowley, heaven hasn’t yet rejected him "truly" to see everything. And every day, every hour that he spends next to Crowley is at the same time great, fun, exciting but also damn hard: he has to adjust to the person (demon!!) who is "too fast" for him to have an opportunity to just continue their communication. I'm actually lucky not to know how Aziraphale really feels, but I can imagine how hard it is to convince yourself that there is nothing wrong with such suspiciously pleasant interactions with Crowley, because, think, he does good things too! Demons don't do good but he does, so it means that he's good, right, perfect, and that maybe God made a tiny little mista—

I'm sure when he first came to this idea, he was afraid for his life. How could he think SUCH a thing about God, really? And can everything that is happening be a test – although God ("parent") obviously wouldn’t ever waste her time just to test him, of course, yes, but still, is it possible..? Is Crowley really his "apple"?

To Aziraphale's surprise, no matter how many times he "refuses" Crowley, they still get closer, stay together, gravitate towards each other; haha, it can't be that Aziraphale, an angel (!!), really do likes— Oh, Crowley saved his books, how un-demonic! 🥰🤗

Aziraphale loves his life on Earth so much, everything is fine with him, just wonderful, but does he think deep down that he deserves it? All his comfortable existence, and books, and music, and delicious food, and everything that he adores, he’s ready to sacrifice without hesitation for someone's happiness, because he has not ceased to be an angel – in our case, he sacrifices "himself" for Crowley's happiness, because when did he see him genuinely happy last time? Oh, right, when he was an angel and created stars. So fine, be it – they will go to a white skyscraper, where there is absolutely nothing that Aziraphale loves, but at least they finally can love each other, right? Is that… Is that right?

Turns out – no, unfortunately.

Aziraphale cannot so easily turn himself inside out and free from what makes him consider himself "just one of the other angels", he needs to finally see with his own eyes how toxic heaven is. And only then will he be able to escape and begin to change (and not only acquire interests and hobbies).

Crowley seems to be trying to explain to the child of abusive parents that no, you absolutely must not feel obliged to return to them at the first call after everything they have done, no, "you are better than that, angel". In vain. But I think deep down he understands.

And the most painful thing is that Aziraphale loves Crowley, really does. He loves him so much, infinitely, but doesn’t dare to admit it even to himself, fearing that God he is supposed to serve will hear these "shameful" thoughts and get angry. When he can get rid of the fear that the heavens are watching his slightest movement, then he will probably understand what Crowley was trying to tell him.

In the meantime, he believes that Crowley's hatred of heaven is greater than love for him. So do you truly think it doesn't hurt Aziraphale at all?