#i will do my best to stay positive
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The moment when you're just trying to go through your morning and your brain hits you with "you're just like you're mother".
._.
Can we... can we, please, the fuck no?!
#meanie brain#unnecessary worries#negative thinking#i refuse to give up#i will do my best to stay positive#but come oooooon#whim.comm
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god the way ghost’s voice drops when he tells soap, “you’ll need to improvise to survive”
before that, everything he says is steady but when he acknowledges that soap’ll have to do something outside his skill set, something he intimately knows to be difficult, his voice wavers. he does the same when he says, “welcome to guerrilla warfare”; it’s sombre and serious in a way he doesn’t act for the rest of the mission. if you read into it enough, he almost sounds apologetic; like he knows exactly what soap’s about to go through and wishes he didn’t have to
he keeps soap going; poking at him and making jokes, giving him tips and asking about his progress. he never lets him stop and take a second to think bc he knows the moment he does is the moment it'll all hit him; the betrayal, the pain, the fear, the deaths, all of it will drown him and if that happens, soap won't make it
he needs him to be a soldier through and through and he knows this is one of the worst kinds of battlefields you could end up on
and the only times he slips is when he acknowledges that fact
it happens again when he says, "tryin' to get you here alive and in one piece". his jovial dark humour facade drops for just a moment when he has to face the potential reality of losing soap. then he tries to pick it back up again with, "one of us has to survive to tell the tale"; completely discounting himself as a survivor to try and rally soap and make him think it’s all down to him
and soap does the same thing
when he's calling out for ghost on the radio, he's tentative, testing the frequency, then when he doesn’t get a response, he grows desperate; "ghost, this is 7-1, do you copy?"
then when ghost answers, he smooths out his voice; he hides the pain, the fear, and no matter what response you give to ghost asking if he’s injured, soap brushes it off (“i’m good”, “what’s the difference?”, “i’m not a medic”). soap decides it’s in ghost’s best interest to hide the extent of his injuries
he doesn’t know where ghost is, if he’s secure, if he has any weapons; he doesn’t even know if he’s in las almas until he says, “there’s a church, i’m headed to it”. for all he knows, he could’ve run in the complete opposite direction. if ghost knows he’s hurt, then his attention would be split between his own survival and soap’s
and soap, who lets himself be poked and prodded towards the church, needs to hide his own doubts. maybe he needs ghost to believe he'll make it so he himself can believe it ("what are my odds?" "don't make me bet against you", "think i'll live that long?" "probably not")
he all but begs ghost to tell him he'll get through it and if he knows just how bad off he is, maybe he'll change his mind. maybe he'll think he won't make it to the church
maybe he'll leave him alone for good
"you injured?"
"i’m good"
"let's find out how good you are"
#remember when i said soap kept being injured from ghost for his own good and said it was a thought for another day?#well todays the day motherfuckers its more alone meta time!#i dont think he expects ghost to give him guerrilla warfare 101 over comms#i dont think he expected him to bail altogether otherwise he wouldve sounded different calling for him#but he probably thought ghost would focus on himself a lot more than he does#even after he gets to the church its in his best interest to stay silent and unnoticed (like a good sniper should)#instead he gives away his position both by constantly talking and shooting to take out the shadows about to kill soap#they both try to hide things from the other to reassure them that theyre alright. that theyll both get out alive#and youre trying to tell me they arent in love?#bc thats not how soldiers act#no matter how they feel they have to report injuries#soap jeopardises them both by withholding that#he acts like a man when hes supposed to act like a soldier and why would he do that if not to protect simon the man instead of ghost his I.#love motherfucker!#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#talk meta to me#ghoap#ghostsoap#soapghost#soap cod#john soap mactavish#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#meta#cod mw2#cod mwii#save post
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First time I have drawn Marichat! I am coming for Ladrien next
#miraculous ladybug#miraculous#miraculous lb#ml#marinette dupain cheng#chat noir#marichat#I have opinions on this but I am staying positive#my lavender haze drawing is still the best imo#ml fanart#miraculous fanart#miraculous ladybug fanart#abby be do art
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Hey. Sorry about the inactivity, but pretty sure no one cared that much anyways lol. Been a looooong time since I kept that distant from Tumblr…at least now I know I’m able to survive without checking posts every day/being chronically online! I’ve got an intense love-hate relationship with this lifestyle I’ve dug myself into. Think I’m getting a little bit better with the balance even if school isn’t really giving me an option. Got a load of work I need to keep catching up on if I don’t want to disappoint my professors. We’ll survive somehow. Here take a quick batch of Puzzle doodles k bye
#the hell am I so anxious about? maybe it’s just overstimulation stuff#hoping it’ll die down because I can’t keep enjoying myself when I’m like this#seriously is starting to mess with my flight responses over the tiniest things#like yea obviously I needed to stay logged out of Tumblr so I would focus more on schoolwork#but uhhhh gonna be transparent and say a huge part of it is the jolts of anxiety :(#like even the thought of logging back here has caused me to feel like sweating#my brain kept saying ‘no I don’t want to I can’t do that’ even when I felt bad for missing out on others posts#like I want to be here so I can support my mutuals dammit!!!#I’m a mess. I’m such a broken mess oh great lovely spectacular#maybe the culminating stress of final exam deadlines is worsening stuff as well#I can’t tell you why I’m like this I just am 🙃#anyways thinking I’ll start adapting to the distance. Sorry but being a shut-in is more appealing right now#I just need time to be with myself and not be so invested in the lives of others#anyways what’s something mildly positive I can wrap this up with so I don’t seem pathetic….#ah yes the final Puzzle sketch here was drawn today before a class period#one of my fellow classmates noticed and audibly asked me ‘is that Mr. Puzzles?’#IT TOOK EVERTHING IN MY WILLPOWER TO NOT LET OUT A GIDDY SHRIEK#Felt like my eyes bulged and I jolted in enthusiasm jskjsksp spontaneous happiness?? actally experiencing the feeling of fitting in??#anyways I responded with a very normal ‘WAIT YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM???’ while trying to suppress grinning or going ‘teehee’#anyways now it’s my personal mission to keep initiating conversations with her because AUUUUUGH SHE KNOWS WHO HE IS I’M LOSING IT#proceeded to talk about Murder Drones & TADC like holy SHIT I didn’t think I would ever find animation peeps in my psychology class auuu 😭💜#it’s a MIRACLE man this may be a sign that college won’t be isolating anymore yaaaaayyy#PUZZLE IS SINGLE HANDILY HELPING ME TALK TO PEOPLE BOTH ONLINE AND IRL THIS IS WILD#all hail the best comfort character seriously holy shit—like imagine she never noticed me drawing Puzzles!! I’D STILL BE LONELY AS HELL#okay sorry I’ll stop typing like a teenager and go back to pretending to be well-versed in speech & conducting myself ‘normally’ :3#doodles#sketches#hplonesome art#not tagging with Puzzles because hahaaaaa don’t look at me
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the day the earth stood still is the day i felt your presence leave it, and then every day after that.
#tw grief#sigh sigh sigh.#apologies in advance as this is not the happiest yap ! i would just like to write out some of my feelings on this day#the heaviest heart weighs under an insurmountable amount of grief — the ghost of love#days like today are a twisted reminder that has every emotion flooding through your soul#longing . guilt . anger . an indescribable melancholy that could only be consoled through the sands of time#a year ago i lost my best guy friend and it’s never really gotten easier . but ive heard it never does#all i can do is bundle up the love i have for him and search for him in the clouds that take up the sky#the circumstances around his passing will never not haunt me and rather than go into it all i’d like to say is this#if you have a loved one or a relationship or a friendship you cherish .. then never ever stop fighting for it - for them.#as time never really seems to be on our side#each day i’ll live as he intended . to greet the world with kindness and a smile and passion for positivity#in his wisest words (or rather after every phone call we’d have hehe) i’ll try my best to stay awesome & encourage you all to do so as well#if you’ve read this then i’m taking your hand and thanking you#it didn’t feel right not acknowledging him at all on this blog . he’s the one that introduced me to anime + more importantly : one piece#i wish i could talk to him about it all so he could see how far down this rabbit hole i fell just as he had done#will be spending the day enjoying his favorite episodes and being gentle with the world that surrounds us#this is not like my usual yaps & i feel vulnerable posting it but i wanted to carve out a space for him on this blog#forever missing the connie to my sasha . maybe in another universe we’ll get it right#have a wonderful sunday my sweet friendz and if you can — hug your loved ones & blow a kiss up to the sky 🤍💫#thank you for being here & helping me make this a safe place .#₊˚⊹ ᰔ xoxo aims
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a current day nils and a 90s college student nils who's way too intense about his internship walk into a bar
#hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii nils hiiii 💗🤭#let me get my important tags out of the way so i can write you a novella in the rest of them#ts4#ts4 cas#ts4 edit#the sims 4#nils#i've been exploring his character 🏃♂️#his full name is nils pelletier he's from canada originally he went to nyc for college and stayed there forever#he didn't grow up with much but he was really good at school so he got a scholarship and he was very very determined to become rich#he interned at frankie's dad's company and was offered a full time position after he graduated yayy you made it. i guess :| (evil company)#he's always been very stern very serious very quiet he's never had many if any friends. he was a deeply unhappy child#his parents weren't even bad they're nice and supportive and tried their best#he was married and has one son but he hasn't been married for a while. i don't know if it's divorce or death or what yet#it was the first girl he ever had a relationship with and he was also her first relationship#a very dull marriage but again not a bad one. she was nice and supportive and tried her best#it seemed like it was what they were supposed to do. get married and have a child bam done you did what was expected congrats#they barely ever even argued it was just. well loveless seems a harsh word. and 'well they were friends at least' seems untruthful#anyway he often has to be frankie's handler because frankie's dad is his boss and he does what he's told always#frankie's really difficult though
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actually there's no need to make this assignment any more complicated than it already is. horatio vs patroclus 'the lovers' epilogue' short story from 2021 revamped now ok?
#i have to do 7k words (4k creative 3k critical) and my extension isnt for as long as id like. my initial project is fun but im not in a#headspace rn to be able to do it justice and im needlessly panicking about it being perfect. i think it might be best to work with smth i#already have the groundwork for in the kind of layout i work best in (two characters yapping with minimum external description)#i stopped it in 2021ish because i found it a bit too fanfic-y for my tastes but. happy 2025 this is on cambridge for letting me in.#stay tuned :)#notnow#and tbf. fanficness aside. i was onto smth insofar as the actual foils went... horatio who resents patroclus being associated with him from#the moment he didnt actually have to deal with the aftermath of losing someone and got to simply 'jumpstart' the action instead#patroclus got to do the easy thing (die). horatio has to carry the epilogue#and yet theyre both often positioned as respective parallels/classical lovers in popular discourse. which i think is very fascinating#and comes with delightful interpersonal crossover implications#anyway. you can also tell this idea was old because i was still writing about men
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God this hurts.
#I get super self conscious when I hardly talk too#like I feel like if I stay quiet too long or don’t engage I come off disinterested or disrespectful#I get nervous when I have to talk some times#I just find it easier to listen#I do my best to try and respond or ask questions or provide positive feedback#positive feedback should be encouraging so the speaker doesn’t also feel self conscious#it’s a never ending cycle
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I have finally FINALLY got up to the dream scene at the start of the last mabelcorn in kmky and everything is flowing nicely finally, and the scenes and characterisation all are smooth and make sense and I am no longer going over the same establishing scenes like a pedant trying to make them perfect. SUCCESS!
Just have to knock out these next few bits then it's onto unicorn beatdowns, funny hats, pizza parties and loophole heists!
#i am so relieved#i feel a lot happier writing now that im happy with those establishing scenes#they didnt pan out how i originally planned but i think theyre better for it#i kept wanting to make bill and py fight but thats just not what they want to do#and das flavor pups have downgraded themselves from terrifying imposition to mild annoyance with potential for drama down the line#but these things will make everything else make better sense so i dont mind the bits i scrapped#now im cackling to myself writing out the dream scene and yes it will diverge slightly from how it panned out in the show!#because why the hell not#i also have been inundated with ideas for a sequel so im steadily noting down dialogue lines and ideas i want to see#and hopefully i stay on task and don't get too distracted by sequel daydreams#it'll be good tho when it gets there i promise you that#a true healing narrative that doesnt rely on punitive justice and creates a positive outcome without repeating codependant patterns#that we see so often in billford#yes love redeems but love for yourself is important in redeption arcs too and knowing that you can make something good with your own hands#is just the game changer i want to bring to the billford fandom#but anyway thats for later for now im back in action and hopefully on track for finishing the chapter by the end of the month#fingers crossed buds#I'm doing my best so all the folks needing a pick me up after world events get something fun to look forward to#kmky#knowing me knowing you
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By the way! Sorry if I takes me a while to get round to AU asks. I tend to reply whenever I have the energy, because I expect my responses will get long, as is my habit to ramble.
There’s also a lot more asks than I expected.
That isn’t a complaint though, I’m having a lot of fun!
#pip posting#it’s seriously insane how positive the reception has been to a silly idea of mine#I’ll do my best to stay on top of things#and try do some full pieces when I have the energy
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so much
#im just so tired to do much it hurts to even touch my skin sometimes it lowkey aches#some days its better other days its not#even staying in a certain position makes my limbs or bones ache cause they stab me#hard to draw sometimes cause my body gives out so quickly with pain#i genuinly feel so sad ic ouldnt do much ill do my best soon i just today is not the day i guess aa#illness tw#medical tw#vent
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feeling a lot like ichika in that one 4koma rn
#all my friends are good at something and im. not#c is good at talking to people and m is an amazing artist and s is also good at art AND incredibly funny and creative#and k and l are both really good at being encouraging and kind and c is really smart and t always knows what to sag#*say#and w is really wise and good at giving advice and m always gives her best no matter the circumstances#and z is funny and good at staying positive#and h is good at analyzing things and m is so passionate about what he likes and a is so supportive and sweet#and m is such an amazing person to be around and l is silly but smart at the same time#and k y and t are all completely fluent in two separate languages AND they're all such amazing and creative people#and meanwhile im just sort of. here. not particularly good at anything.#not particularly talented nor do i have any specific good trait that sticks out about me#idk i don't feel like i deserve to be friends with them
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I work as the person in an amusement park who watches the children who get lost. Here’s some advice. This also applies to any mentally disabled adults that are under your care. Keep in mind that many places will not look for a minor ages 13-17 unless it is close to closing or they are disabled, as corporate considers it a strain on resources and employee use.
1. Teach them your phone number. Best gift you can give them. I’m not supposed to have my phone out at work but I can cut down dependent’s being-lost-time by probably 400% if I can contact you. It also assures the children That We Are Doing Something and that They Are Helpful and Smart. If your dependent has a poor memory, apparently writing your phone number in sharpie and then covering it in nail polish makes it stay all day, even if they’re sweaty or getting in the water. I haven’t tested this but I’ve heard a lot of moms recommend it. I’ve also seen bracelets with little plates or the beads saying the phone number.
Addendum: your dependent may tell you that they know your phone number, but they actually only know your passcode. True story. This summer has been a lot better, but last summer exactly one child the entire season knew his mom’s phone number.
2. Acknowledge that dependent’s memories are faulty, especially in new places. If you tell them to meet you in X spot or that your stuff is all in Y place, they may not remember where it is or remember how to get there.
3. All dependents, but especially little ones, have shit time sense. They might find your stuff, wait there for a minute or two, and truly believe that they’ve been there for an hour. Half the small kids that are brought to me are ones who *know* where their stuff is, but haven’t seen an adult they know personally in 5 minutes, so they’re going to panic.
4. Don’t take naps!!! And don’t let your dependent go anywhere you can’t go or at least go where you catch them at the end!!! Yes you’re staring at the play structure your dependent entered, but can you see them? No? Then there’s a good chance they went elsewhere. So many of the littler kids that are brought to me are brought by genuine, good-hearted strangers who see lost children and take them by the hand. Away from the spot you’re napping in front of/staring vaguely at.
5. This might just be something from my work, but we will not call dependent’s descriptions over the loudspeaker. This is because if an asshole were to see your dependent, hear the description, know it’s a lost dependent, and decide to steal it, they can then use the excuse, “I know where your guardian is! Come with me!” And then lead them out of the park or toss the dependent over their shoulder. Do you know how many crying and screaming dependents leave the location every day? A lot!!! We’re a fun location!!! We’re not going to know if the dependent is screaming because they don’t want to leave or if a stranger is taking them away. We might call the description over the loudspeaker if it’s past closing time and the dependent still isn’t found. But before that, we will only report it over secure radios across the park.
6. Tell a park worker right away. Preferably someone with a radio. Even if you spot the dependent within the next minute, that means the dependent will have less being-lost time. Especially if we already have the dependent with, you guessed it, me. Also please tell us when you find the dependent.
7. Take a picture of your depdendent at the start of the day! That way security guards can have a good idea of what to look for. One mother told me her daughter was blonde and showed me a picture. Her hair color looked brown to me, but then I knew what to look for in the crowd.
8. Keep at least one person in your group in one spot at all times, especially if you don’t have access to your phone or forgot to give out your phone number to the guards. That way they can find you if they pick up the dependent. If you are the only person in your group, then PLEASE stay in one place or at least stay with ONE security guard. It sucks for the dependent if they can’t find you right away even if the both of you are looking for each other and a guard is helping them. You are NOT helping if you panic and run around. And keep your goddamn phone on you and answer calls from unknown numbers!!!!! God. This is a good time to do that.
9. If you lose your dependent in an attraction like the lazy river at a water park, and you have that ONE person staying in place, then this is what you can do with 1+ mobile people.
A. If only one person can be spared to be mobile, have them pick a spot and stay right there, watching the river go by. Eventually, if the dependent is in the river, they’ll go by.
B. If you have two people that can be mobile, both start at the same place in the river and go opposite directions. If you meet up again without spotting the dependent, well, they’re not there.
C. If you have more than 2 people, you can do B but also station different adults at the lazy river entrances/exits.
10. Don’t blame the dependent! Even if they ran away and/or are pissy that you’re upset once you all reunite, trust me, there’s a 99% chance they’re upset too. Yes, this is a good time to have a serious conversation with them. Yes, if this is a repeated problem, and/or you warned them you’d leave the park if this occurred, you should not back down. But also - they’re dependents. They’re not stupid, and they should be told consequences and dangers so they can make good decisions, but they will never have the adult/guardian perspective that you do. Be kind.
Also please for my sake teach them if they’re brought to someone like me, that it’s THEIR job to be safe and listen to me while us park workers look for you. It’s YOUR job to find the dependent, not the dependent’s job to find you. I had a six year old little girl genuinely toddler-howl at me because she wanted to go look for her mom. I’ve never before heard a kid her age howl like that. I can trick kids out of crying 9/10 times but howling came as a surprise lmao. I think I can manage it now that I’ve experienced it but damn.
Also make sure those kids are DRINKING. Being in a water park is NOT the same as drinking water. They should be drinking every 15 minutes at LEAST, I am NOT kidding.
Also if I call you to tell you your kid is here, please don’t call or text me back after you have the kid. I’m sure other places have phones for these types of things but the only one I have is my personal phone. And I am happy to get the kid off my hands and into your arms, but I’m using my personal phone so plz. Don’t call me back. Absolutely call me if you need directions to my ‘office’ in the park. Don’t call or text me after. I have stories about that hoo boy but this post is already long.
#I am not exaggerating when I say howling#not in a wolf way more like a howler monkey if you have no idea what human toddler cries sound like#I like kids of all ages but there’s a reason why#I’m not going to teach elementary school#I am the person in the *place I work* where if a kid is lost#the staff brings the kid to me until the parents are found#so like. I’m never going to see these kids at their best#I wish I could just hug them but I’m barely allowed to hold their hand if I’m escorting them to get water#this time of year their emotions are heightened by the fact that they’re almost certainly dehydrated#but if they’re a flight risk I do NOT want to risk losing the kid#so I have to wait until#a coworker comes by to get them some water sometimes#the howler girl = this kid#this kid was reunited with her mom without too much time going by thank god#she was a huge fucking flight risk omg#she desperately wanted to go find her mom and I’m like#GIRL you are the lost six year old ITS YOUR MOM’S JOB TO FIND YOU!!! Your job is to stay safe!!!#and color this pretty picture oh god please look back at the coloring page instead of calling upon the hounds of hell#I like to assure every kid that is brought to me that#1. mom’s (or whoever) not going to leave without you (sometimes this is a lie judging from the parents.still very important to tell kids thi#2. they did the right thing asking for an adult’s help#3. as they are literally a kid it’s not their fault they’re lost (again a little debatable with the older kids but still they’re minors)(so#I tell them all this)#4. it’s their job to stay safe while we find your mom#5. now do you want some water?#it’s more obvious in the pale kids but I’ve had so many Black and Brown kids come up to me the last couple days looking positively pink#those kids needed water. so I try to get everyone water#it pisses off my coworkers but idgaf. everyone has a legal right to water in this state esp in the summer#and even if they didn’t#fuck you I’m stealing it. these kids need water
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Hey, I just saw your most recent post earlier, and I thought to send you an ask instead of rambling in the comments or reblogs.
First of, you're completely right about there being fewer interactions in fandoms, and it makes me really sad and devastated too. If this makes you want to take a step back, then that's completely fine, I'm not trying to convince you to stay in this ask, I just wanted to share something. Even though I kinda grew out of the Hobbit fandom, I still remember how much I love your stories (and still do). They made me stay up late, to then follow me through my whole day, reading in between lessons, to then climbing in bed early again so I could continue reading. Even now, seeing you feel so left out, it made me devastated and wanting you to know how much you and your stories mean to me.
I'm so sorry for how the fandom is treating you and everyone else, you deserve so much more than what you're getting. I hope you make the choice that's best for you, whether that's staying or leaving, we all just want you to take care of yourself ❤️
I've held onto this for far too long...and not just because I neglect my inbox, but because I'm constantly looking back on the words, and finding them continuing to cheer me up <3
It's been a lot of back and forth with my feelings regarding the fandom and feeling included/wanted, and sometimes I know it's the bad brain talking, whereas others, I'm not really sure what to think. The highs are high, the lows are low, and at this exact moment, I feel somewhere blissfully in between (which is an alright spot to be, for me, I think).
There are so many excellent people in the fandom, whether they're still here or moving onto other fandoms. I appreciate every single one - every single kind comment, kudos, reblog, whatever it is, it warms my little heart.
Interactions are at an all-time low in my opinion, and I think this is a great opportunity to remind people to tell your favorite creators what you enjoy about their works! Though, my personal experience regarding the episode I was going through is more with not feeling wanted among the other creators (left out, like you said), I have been working hard to make changes to fix those feelings if I can (i.e. removing myself from environments/conversations/subjects that are bothersome, and trying to reach out more).
I just want to say again how much I appreciated this ask back when you sent it, just as I appreciate it today. Your kindness truly helped me when I was in a dark spot and wanting to disappear. Every day is a fight, and your kindness has helped me fight that much harder to not let the bad brain win.
#raz answers#catkato#spread positive vibes#some days i still feel left out but i am doing my best to stay positive#lately things have been pretty good <3
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yes it's just me whining about the same thing for the billionth time, pls just scroll past nothing new to see here 👋
#i just want to enjoy the summer but i feel like i don't deserve to if i'm not constantly trying to become employed again 😭#''apply for jobs then? problem solved'' uh-huh yes but!! i also hate applying for jobs#job seeking can be so incredibly humiliating#first i have to send them a letter BEGGING to be invited to an interview#and then i have to try and convince them that i am actually competent and good at my job even though you have my cv right there#and then afterwards they call me to tell me they found someone who they liked better than me#(or rather someone who was more competent than me judging by their work history etc.)#it's like ''yes we are hiring but not YOU specifically lol''#like. at school if you take a test you get the grade you deserve based on how you did in the exam.#it's something you can actually directly affect yourself#but if someone who's applying for the same job with me has more work experience or whatever they will get hired over me no matter what i do#(at least that's how it usually works on my field)#in which case it doesn't matter if i do well in the interview or nah. bc the other person was always going to be picked for the job anyway#and yes one could say i can then be satisfied if i did my best but it's little consolation when i'm still unemployed!!#and so every time i apply for a job and get rejected it feels like a personal failure#and to avoid that feeling of failure i want to avoid applying for jobs altogether#so yeah. being active in job seeking is more likely to relieve me from this misery but job seeking is ALSO misery. so 🤷♀️#that on top of the fact i don't even _want_ to apply for all the open positions on my field#but i feel obliged to because it's what i have a degree on. and when i'm unemployed i don't have the luxury to choose which ones i apply fo#i can't afford to be picky#I DON'T DREAM OF LABOUR I JUST NEED MONEY TO LIVE BUT I ALSO DON'T WANT TO DO JUST ANY JOB! I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR THAT!#i don't want to come home crying from work every day because i hate every single aspect of my life INCLUDING my job 😭#when this semester i actually HAD a job i didn't mind waking up to every morning 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#it's not fair it's not fair it's not fair#to conclude i don't deserve to enjoy myself in the summer because i'm not doing enough to fix my unemployement situation#(just like i don't deserve to feel sad about being lonely because i don't work hard enough to maintain deep friendships#but that's a crisis for another day! stay tuned ✌️)
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dehradun days
you meet them for the first time,
knowing it's probably the last.
might as well make the most of this time,
since life comes at you fast.
you find the strangest of signals
in the no-network zones.
cross-tent communication with folks,
just rambling about the unknown.
there's the warmth of shared laughter,
that carries you through freezing nights,
and you look up at the flickering stars,
to finally see things in a different light.
and at 11,000 ft above sea level
you finally reach the peak,
just to realise the joy was in the journey,
and the friends you made that week.
you'll visit caves & splendid cafes,
and remember the city in mere parts,
but years later, you'll still tell everyone,
how dehradun captured your heart.
#inertia-writes#poets on tumblr#desi poetry#dehradun poetry#poems on india#poems on life#desiblr#being desi#dehradun#i went on a trek w the lowest of expectations and it was one of the best experiences of my life#it's so refreshing to meet people from different cities and of different ages and backgrounds#jan and feb were pretty meh but things have been looking upwards from march (thank you god - i acknowledge your existence)#thought of writing a happy poem for a change of tone (and also maybe because i am genuinely happy :) )#this isn't one of my best poems i feel - it's a bit unrefined - but who cares it is one of my happy ones sooooo#there are times when absolutely nothing significant happens and there are days when years happen#i didn't go in the mountains for solitude - i felt that here already haha. i went for a change.#but i gained so many memories w people and so many positive perspectives that i needed in general. also nayata premier league <3#i think i believe in destiny now. i was destined to meet those people and have a good time and come back to reality w a spring in my step#and maybe the mountains were calling. can't stay away from snow too long - i was born during snowy days anyway#came back home and am still in some weird positive trance - good for me#also my lucky streak is still going on - kaavish released a new song#historic moment in time (thank you god 2x)#poems on friendship#found family#poems on found family#all the may '23 - feb '24 melancholy has been washed out of my system. i am now set for the next tragedy of my life lol#dekhte hai kab tak khush rehti hu mein - kuch bhayankar honewala hai aisa lag raha hai#i do not remember the last time i was happy for a month straight - am i living in a virtual simulation?#whoever is controlling my life rn - i would like to continue to stay in this simulation - thanks v much
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