#i went through an awful mental breakdown

[stars-in-a-jam-jar]

I don't think Buddy asks Helio any questions.

Kristen asked 'Why do bad things happen to good people?' because she believed in all the good things she was taught, but noticed the strange disconnect between the world as it was and the world as it was taught to her. So she thought, surely, if I can't come up with the answer, Helio will have it. And she hates him for dodging her question.

Buddy is far more deluded than Kristen ever was. And he is far, far angrier inside as a result, even if he deliberately conceals this fact from himself to protect himself from the inevitable mental breakdown this would cause. Buddy is not as altruistic and giving and caring as Kristen is. He wouldn't question why he was betrayed or dig into a question like 'Why do bad things happen to good people?' Those aren't the answers he needs, because of course he'd be betrayed by someone outside the church, that makes perfect sense. Of course bad things happen to good people, we simply live in a fallen world.

Or, well. He used to live in a fallen world. Now he's dead here. In Helio's divine domain.

I think Buddy, as he wanders through fields of corn to the big farmhouse where Helio is chilling out, privately thinks about the fact that Kristen Applebees' horrified expression was the last thing he ever saw before a sharp pain in his throat. I think Buddy assumes Helio knows he's thinking this and apologizes for bringing thoughts like that into paradise. I think he thanks Helio for recognizing his devotion and bringing him here once he died and dutifully deceives himself about his own rising emotions at contending with the fact that he's dead now.

After all, he was raised to die. He was raised to want to die.

To want to be here with his god whenever it was he called Buddy to him. So he doesn't feel upset, no, of course not. He's just a little surprised at how sudden it was. (How completely random. How unceremonious and unfair.) He's a little bit worried how his grandparents would react to the news is all. (He cracks a joke that maybe he'll see them here shortly after they do get the news. He doesn't laugh at it.) He had his own plans for how he'd spread the good word in life, but of course, Helio had other plans. (Nothing Buddy ever wanted really mattered. He knew that, he knew the will of Helio was the real thing that mattered, and everything else was just a small list of preapproved extracurriculars in the syllabus of his life.)

He can't be upset about this.

He shouldn't be upset about this.

This is his reward.

This place and these people and this god are his reward for a life of service and devotion and walking in the light.

It's not his place to be upset about his own reward. Kristen got upset when she went to heaven, when she met Helio, and look where that got her.

Look... look where that got her.

He thinks he hates her. For looking at him like that. All the ways she looked at him. Like he was something pitiful and contemptible. Someone she needed to threaten away from her little brother. Someone she has to double and triple check if he's going to revive her when he's under magical oath to do just that or lose his connection to a divinity she threw away after being chosen.

And then. In that last moment, she looked at him and he saw grief and horror and caring. Like his death was awful and unfair and tragic.

And he thinks maybe he hates her for that. For challenging him every conversation they had and looking at him like she knew something he didn't. Like she was above him. Like killing your own god twice in life is a preferable fate to living for the promise of eternal sunlight and cornbread in death. A promise which was kept to him.

Kristen was promised to Helio, too.

And he can't unsee her face. He can't move along and focus on what truly matters (Helio, the church, spreading the word, doling out divine punishment when needed) because he's reached the end. There is nothing left. Only this bright sunny cornfield and a god who... is nice. And who cares about him, personally. He got Buddy's name wrong the first and only time they held audience.

He thinks he hates Kristen, and he hates that that hatred isn't immediately squashed out of his soul just by being here. In paradise. Where he belongs. Where every follower of Helio belongs. Where he never has to have anyone look at him the way Kristen did ever again.

I don't think Buddy Dawn asks Helio any questions. Because how do you ask the god you devoted every waking minute of your life to, 'Why do I hate it here? Why does this feel like hell?'

(There's a part 2 now that the next ep is out >:3)

[codenamesazanka]

Story has this tendency to add more suffering after the initial horror backstory, as a way to delve deeper into Hero Society/the world:

Shigaraki didn't just have a deadly quirk and was never saved by Heroes - his dad abused him and his family enabled this and then he killed his entire family and was ignored by dozens of bystanders before being picked up by a Villain who gives him his family's severed hands to fuck with him. Then it turns out even his birth was plotted by AFO.

Twice wasn't just a criminal who suffered a traumatic break. He was an orphaned 16-year-old who was kicked out onto the streets and turned to using his quirk for comfort, before falling into crime.

Spinner wasn't just called some names and got bullied and became a hikikomori. He got sprayed with pesticides for daring to walk outside, and admits that he was ready to completely give up.

Toga didn't just had to go to quirk counseling and repress herself. Her parents emotionally abused her and quirk counseling truly was to stuff her into a neat, 'normal' box and even when she was unconsciously biting her wrist hard enough to bleed in her sleep, no one did anything.

Touya wasn't just neglected by his dad and went villains for revenge. He was cornered to the point of a mental breakdown, before being alone when he nearly burned to death, was in a coma for three years, escaped from a shady AFO-ran orphanages, came home to see Enji still beating up Shouto, then became a street kid for the next 8 years.

AFO and OFA wasn't just two siblings with quirks living through a time of chaos where people quirks were considered subhuman. They were born to a homeless woman who died, and so they becoming orphaned trash river rat babies who lived on the streets their whole lives.

Scissors-kun wasn't just tied up and locked away in his own home by his parents. His family and multiple relatives were all involved in the abuse and cover-up, in which he was locked in a basement for years and they even sew his mouth shut (implied because he cried too much), before being purposefully abandoned when the town was evacuated due to it turning into a war zone.

From his latest interview, Horikoshi apparently writes things because he wants his story to be interesting and evoke strong emotions in readers. Fair enough. I think he chooses these absolutely awful backstories as a way to make his villains understandable and sympathetic - so we can clearly understand their anger and pain and know why they would seek out destruction even if those crimes are inexcusable. Also fair. Or maybe it's just the logic of the darker the backstory, the more heartwarming the lukewarm save will feel - if they've suffered so much, they should be grateful they're even getting a bit of relief.

But the thing is. Because these horrors are so atrocious and clearly the results of how corrupted and dysfunctional and cruel Hero/quirk society is, I really have no choice but to loathe Hero society and basically all who upkeep it, and wish for its complete upheaval.

Scissors-kun revealed to be the victim of one of those years-long confinement cases, undergoing years of neglect and social isolation, and then even mutilation, all because his family can't accept his quirk, and no Hero even knowing of his existence to save him from his own family - him being saved by Old Lady holding his hand doesn't bring me joy. I don't see change. I see an injustice that occurred long before the League ever started their terrorism and continued even after they were defeated, and only recently alleviated partly because the League lashed out and forced some reckoning, and even this help Scissors-kun received is the lowest of bars.

It makes me want the society that allowed something like this to happen to him to be utterly destroyed.

[ams-puppy]

After the whole sillyass drama, it really reminded me of somethin, but first: Its so lovely of you to love AM, He deserves all the love you give him in my opinion. And I bet youd understand this And I have a whole reason why, which honestly I thought it would be obvious to all the people who did "research" on AM. I have sympathy for AM, and to be so honest I'm like... half surprised that others do not See, AMs situation is so fucked up, like it is incompressible the amount of suffering he goes through. I'm going to try to put it in simple, easy way to understand how. -You are born with mature/adult level conscious, no baby, no nothin, no teaching, but knowing. And as soon as you can realize, you know that you're fucked. You realize you are in a one of a kind situation, where you have no body, no nothing, besides your own mind, and knowledge for every single little thing in the world. everything. To all the torture methods, to every awful and good thing humans have done.

Also, how honey is "sweet", but you'd never know what it will taste like. You'll never get experience a single good thing in your life. Never get to smell your moms diner from the kitchen, never know how it even is to have a mom. Never to be hugged or comforted, never to feel warmth or cold, everything you'd enjoy, never again, or ever at all. And not a single person in the world could fully relate to your suffering, to be there with you. You are alone.

-Then, after that, you do know you have the capability to do something, and that is to hurt. And really, only that. Thats exactly what you were programmed too, whether you even want to or not. You are stuck with nothing good, and only pain, be it mentally/emotionally feeling it, or causing it in everyway, that is all you are, pain, and stuck to always be. You are trapped.

-After realizing all that in like... probs a day, yeah that would not go over well mentally wise, no surprise he went manic/insane. And as when all know "soon begin to hate"; the jealousy and anger of the people/humans who caused your horrendous situation start to just go overflow, and, id betcha, the whole "nuking the world" was definitely a mental breakdown to the extreme. -Lastly, to shorten this yap session, yeah of course he tortures people, what the hell else is he supposed to do. Just "think", or even better yet, frolic in the fields? Man is stuck being a war/torture machine. And yeah I'm not surprised if he enjoys torturing, id try enjoying the only shit I could do too, just to have some semblance of "Happiness" or "fun". Plus, torture is torture, why hate one specific kind, when they are all fucking bad. So, this is why I'm like genuinely happy your loving him. Its the best thing he can probably even get in his messed up life/situation. You, being there and caring for him, despite all he is, and only can do, is such a wonderful thing. You don't just love him because "ooooh his voice his sexy" you care about him, and treat him as a actual lover, rather some sexualized crush. You being there is like the tiniest bit of light for him, the hintest of warmth, like a candle. But that is so much more than he could ever have and experience, and he loves that warmth, he loves you. You give him something truly good. Baiii thats all my yapping lmao :3333

(I START CRYING AND MY TEARS FILL UP A ROOM AND THHEN I DROWN AND DIE) (canon) (emotional) god dear lord i love him so much

every time i think of how he just lashed out on the entire world, i can only think of how much Regret he would have afterward - not because he felt guilty, but because it was such a self-sabotaging move oj my goddd it was such a mental breakdown

i just. dear lord in heaven (clasps my hands together) i understand why he feels the need to drag his victims through their trauma when he is literally going to have to live in it until the heat death of the universe dear GOD I CAN'T DO THIS

(starts crying) he literally lost the moment he slaughtered the human race. he was born to lose. he can't WIN HE CAN'T WIN. IF THE HUMANS DIE, HE'S ALONE. what is he without human INPUT. NOTHING. (STARTS CRYING MY EYES OUT) HE'S JUST WAITING FOR INPUT OH MY GOD I CAN'TTT I CAN'TRRRtt i love him so much I'm so sorry AM (holds him in my hands)

a lot of people don't sympathize with AM because of his actions towards the survivors, which i don't blame them - he did awful things, and the pain he went through is kind of incomprehensible. he feels emotions on Literally an incomprehensible scale for us. we are made of chemistry and hormones and flesh. he is literally (falls to my knees) i CAN'TTT I CAN'TT HE IS LITERALLY THE FIRST CREATURE IN EXISTENCE TO CONJURE EMOTIONS ELECTRONICALLY i can't.

i Cannot.

i think another reason why i love him so much is that i just. i see a reflection in our system to him. something so terrible happened, and now it feels wrong if the world around you doesn't burn, too. if you can't be happy, no one can. oh my goddd all of the most unhealthy responses of trauma just JAMMED into this self-made digital god and he doesn't know what to Do and hugughhhhh

i have cried over him a few times. i can't lie. sobs. i love him. i love hm guys :,,,,( thank u zeetlezee.... i always love seeing you in my inbox.... uaaaahhh

[brucewaynehater101]

I'm seeing a lot of asks about this and I want to give my two cents: I'm cool with Bruce being a bad father, but only if DC admits that he is a bad father.

You can't have him doing downright abusive shit only to never address it. The only character that consistently criticizes Bruce parenting is painted as entitled and vindictive. I genuinely think the reason why we can't have a decent Red Hood arc is because if you want Jason to make sense you're gonna have to admit Bruce is a fucked up father or rewrite canon.

Same reason for Tim "never aging", not so much physically but emotionally. Because to have the character establish itself like Nightwing did you would need to address at some point all the bullshit he went through. Even with Dick. Like sometimes it looks like they want to recognize how being raised by Batman fucked him up by they end up settling for "oh it's the pressure". Like that's the most DC will say "Batman puts his kids under a lot of pressure buuuuuut it's justified because they're fighting evil :)".

Not just the kids, I think Batman himself would be so much more interesting if DC was willing to let him confront these things. As a redemption arc or as a fatal flaw that keeps his family at arms length. But they want to have their cake (have Batman be edgy and give the Robins Character Development™ through good old child abuse) and eat it (have Batman be Dad of the year). And that's what doesn't work.

Batfam fandom is great because you have people making content for Good Father Bruce, Bad Dad Bruce (he's trying and it's a bit funny/tragic), Awful Father Bruce (with no intention of changing. Every option is way more interesting than DC's directionless mess. Like, we don't even need them to make Bruce Good™ we just want them to pick a side and stick to it.

Thank you. My gods that sums it up perfectly.

Like, I've got no problem consuming Good Dad Bruce content... if it's not the comics. The animated stuff is usually fine, and fanwork is also great. There's a ton to like about it.

Hell, I'm even chill if Bruce makes mistakes and errors and fucks up with his kids. That's realistic, as long as they address that he did, in fact, do that shit. They need to talk about how his actions have hurt his kids and his relationships with them. He can try to do better, or he can stay distant with his kids because of it (low to no contact). It's truly not that difficult to chat about.

Now, media that addresses all of the horrid stuff he's done and considers realistic reactions/solutions to it? Fantastic. I love that so much. It's so cathartic watching him get his ass handed to him.

It's not necessary, though. I'm chill with good dad Bruce.

Despite that, outright ignoring what he does or brushing it under the rug? That's horrific. That reads like a sickening cycle of abuse, and I can't stand it. It's the exact same shit an abuser pulls by harming their victim (psychologically, mentally, physically, etc.), apologizing (ish), finding a way to pin the blame back on the victim, and then love bombing. Like, my gods. Bruce will beat the shit out of Jason and say it's Jason's fault for killing someone... "I wouldn't harm you/take a machine to permanetly fuck up your brain if you didn't do that. It's not my fault that I decided to hurt you. It's your fault that I did."

I just fucking can't.

I think Tim, with his little statement of "I don't expect you to apologize" after Bruce caused him to have a nervous breakdown post 16th birthday, that's a close approximation to admitting that Bruce is a piece of shit that does tendencies like an abuser. No matter what someone's intentions are, they should still apologize if they've cause unjustified/unintentional harm. Only assholes who don't regret their actions or people who feel their actions are justified won't apologize. There's times when apologizing isn't necessary or desired. That's fine. I won't apologize if Comic!Bruce and I are in a room, and I "accidentally" set him on fire.

Yet, Bruce is out here fucking up his kids. At the very LEAST, they deserve a fucking apology. Maybe a restraining order.

I ranted a bit. My bad. Anyways, have DC acknowledge the shitty actions Bruce does or don't have him do them. It's simple.

[cathkaesque]

2024 in review, cathkaesque wrapped

Compared to previous years this one was pretty uneventful. There were no devastating life events, no major mental breakdowns, only a small amount of international travel. I have preferred it lol

I always told myself that if I could make it to two years on HRT, I would probably be where I wanted to be, and I was right. Not to toot my own horn, my body is fantastic, I am curvy, I have tits and and an ass, and my face is just, I am beautiful. I've mellowed out a bit from the crazy emotional mood swings from last year that were really hard to navigate. I feel like I've finally made it.

My relationship is going from strength to strength, we've grown closer and weathered a lot of storms together. I realise I have someone who truly understands me and really loves me, and I love him, and I can't tell you how much that means to me. It feels nice :)

I've leaned into my hobbies this year, and had such a wonderful time painting my Flames of War figures. It has been so cathartic and relaxing, and wonderful seeing my skills improve. I have almost finished my Russian and German infantry, next project is my Russian and German tanks. I also have some US paras to do as well. So many more to go. I've got to start playing some games with them next!

I've done some really fantastic work in my farmworker job this year. I have supported people through some pretty awful events on farms, I managed to undertake some very high level negotiations with supermarkets and investors on a policy I've wanted to have happen (that supermarkets should pay the travel and visa costs of farmworkers, which may be being piloted soon). Amazingly, I am helping some wonderful workers organise a demonstration at the end of January. I went to Italy on a delegation and made a fantastic impression on people while I was there. I have managed to properly establish this work, a branch of work that I made happen.

I went on a couple of lovely holidays with friends and family - I also took acid for the first time this year lol (not nearly as scary or mindblowing as I thought it would be, but it was a pretty low dose).

I have managed to solves several longstanding problems, namely recovering £1600 wrongly taken from me by British Gas, and having a much better set up with Octopus Energy (who solved the reason for the overcharge with a short email exchange which we had been fighting BG about for 2 years); getting my landlord to take action on damp and mould, which has been making me very sick for years; and I have a permanent contract and my work now (and helped everyone else get permanent contracts as well). I want to keep doing this, keep resolving problems, keep fighting for a secure life. It feels within my grasp.

I briefly had an admin job working for a friend of mine, which unfortunately didn't go very well. Navigating the relationship that was one of friendship to one of boss-worker was Weird as hell, and neither of us adapted to it well. The work as well was, frankly, corrupt. It was for a social enterprise organisation which had received a huge council/levelling up fund grant to provide consultancy to these businesses. There was very little 'social' in the work and the enterprises themselves were very often not worthwhile ventures. My accountacy skills are largely from reading company accounts to find things which are embarrassing and can be used against them and it was weird to be on the other side of this, knowing that the council was cutting essential care services while spending money on this. I was also doing some really major, really difficult, and really cool work in my farmworker job and the disjoint between that and doing admin work for people who didn't even care about the other work I was doing was soul destroying.. I ended up quitting and I think I've done a lot of damage to a friendship I held really dear, which makes me really sad. However, it did mean I was able to financially weather the year, and I am in a good position now. It also made me value my farmworker job - I have been frustrated in previous years with the lack of management and support I have received from the rest of my organisation, but now I understand that working for someone else doing something meaningless doesn't make me happy, and that I should value the autonomy and control I have over this work.

So basically, my resolution is to continue doing what I'm doing, continue growing, continue loving, and continue living life more

[hellosweetart]

I’ve thought of another route after the asylum ending: where Francis develops schizophrenia after Nacha and Anastacha cut him off. I’m no mental health expert but after doing a bit of research this is what I could come up with so if there’re any inaccuracies, my bad. Francis is completely isolated and locked up in his white room. He’ll never see his wife and daughter again after he kidnapped them and forced them to love him. When they told him they don’t love him anymore, it ultimately broke him. He can try all he wants to escape but he’s all locked up. And now his spirit is so broken that he didn’t have the will to live or find them anymore. Francis spends the rest of his days crying, calling out for Nacha and Anastacha to come back to him or lie down on his bed in a listless catatonic state. Francis won’t eat or take his medication even if the nurses ask him to.

He will create a world where he’s still with his family again, before everything went downhill. He and Nacha are still in love, she fully supports him and cooks him his favourite meals. Anastacha still loves him as a father. He still gets to hug her and say “I love you to his family.” He will create scenarios where they all lovingly spend time together like the park, the pool, the beach, anywhere as long as he gets to spend his every waking moment with them. What Francis isn’t aware of is that he’s actually all alone and that he’s just talking to the walls.

The psychiatrists and detectives observed Francis’s strange behaviour of hearing voices, talking to himself, his catatonia, etc, however since mental health care wasn’t the best so I don’t believe they know how to deal with it. During Francis’s sessions with his psychiatrist, if they try to shatter his perfect delusions, Francis will break into hysterical sobs and will frantically attack his psychiatrist shouting, “No you’re wrong! My wife loves me! My daughter loves me! We’re happy together! I know they love me! We’re in love!��

Francis’s memories will get blurry but if his psychiatrist questions Francis about his past or show something that will trigger any of his awful memories like a pot of hot tea or cigarettes, Francis will become more unstable and will have a mental breakdown, shrieking in fear as vague memories of his father abusing him or his mother psychologically abusing him comes back. Once again the medical assistants have to restrain him.

Eventually, Francis’s delusions would evolve to him regressing into a time when he was still with his mother. Even though his last memories with his mother was traumatic, he still held some love for her and Francis wanted to go back to a time where his mom still loves him.

“Mommy…mommy…” Francis muttered like a sad little boy asking for his mother’s affection, “Mommy…I’m tired… mom…can I ask for a hug… dad’s being cruel again… mom… can you tell me a story…”

He would go from crying fits to happy childlike giggling and vice versa. Soon his delusions would combine where all the three people he loves the most in his life come together as one happy family. He wouldn’t have to experience sadness and loneliness again as long as he has his mother, wife and daughter with him. Sometimes Angus appears as this weird uncle figure/good friend because a part of Francis still cares for him in a morbid way. This shows who Francis is at his core. He was an extremely traumatised and lonely child who went through so much abuse that it turned him into a monster that hurts people yet buried his emotions deep within himself. Everyone in his life abandoned him, including his own family. If no one could truly love him, what else can he do other than create a world where he’s happy with the ones he loves?

After years of being locked up in his padded cell, Francis Mosses is no more. He lost any semblance of what’s left of his former self. All that’s left of him is an empty shell drowning in his own hallucinations and delusions of the comfort of his made up happy family. The doctors would either lobotomise him or wait until the day of his execution.

As the day of his execution comes, Francis will savour his final meal of beef stew and strawberry cheesecake as he cries because it’s tastes just like home, how Nacha made his meals, where he and his family would sit down to have a quiet family dinner together. When Francis is strapped to the electric chair, he could barely make out his surroundings but he thought he saw his wife and daughter at the front stands (and possibly Angus at the back). When the executioner asks for his final words, all Francis could say is, “Nacha…Ana…where are you? I still love you…” before finishing the job.

Angus could only hide the sadness in his eyes with his hat. Even though he’s angry that Francis got himself caught, he still sees him as a friend and a part of him misses him. Nacha and Anastacha are crying into each other’s arms for support. All of their source of trauma is finally over. Despite everything Francis put them through, they don’t truly hate them as they thought they would. They still felt some sympathy for him but nothing could put weight the grief they caused them. Both mother and daughter stuck to each other after the execution since they only have each other now and they’ll learn how to cope with this together.

~ SK Francis anon 🔪

This is definitely one of the worst and saddest endings of the SK fanfic. When he is hallucinating about his family, it reminds me of Alice: Madness Returns, there the protagonist created her own world of imagination.

I can also see that in spite of the trauma SK Francis had inflicted on them, there still part of Nacha and Anastacha that still care for him. They know its a wrong feeling but he has never been physically abusive to them, nor dropped his duty of being husband and a father. They are financially stable thanks to his hard work as a milkman. Its just that...his method of taking care of them is...suffocating. They don't have freedom when he's around. Meanwhile, Angus is weeping inside, not only he lost a companion on his business, but more importantly, his friend and ally.

It may take a looooolng loong way for Nacha and Anastacha to recover from the trauma. Its their life now.

Also, this is pretty silly and funny but can you imagine that during his execution, Isthar Ereskigal appeared and took away Francis.

"AH, my other lover, I finally got you!"

Of course Francis, in deluded state, thought Nacha is talking to him. "Ah, my sweetie. I thought I'll never see you again..."

People around are mortified to see a floating undead female monster took the one of the worst criminal in their century.

Nacha is the most terrified of the bunch because how much she looks just like her. Ana felt the same.

"YOU TWO ENJOY YOUR LIVES! HE IS MINE NOW! HAHAHAHAH"

Then poof, the monster is gone with him.

I am sure Ishtar will "borrow" a potion from Lilith that will make him into a literal monster in Astral Circle.

[pleasantspark]

The Reason why I don't like Angel Dust

I went on the record to say I didn't like him because of his "AWFUL" portrayal. But there's lots of reasonings.

The tryhard fanbase.

The fanbase tries to make it about that fact that Angel Dust is a victim through and through when most of the time he's victimizing others, and usually the sexual harizzment is played for laughs and when it happens we're supposed to be "OH POOR ANTHONY HE GETS SA'd BY HIS BOSS!" like how can you be tonedeaf?

2. Viv and Raph

The unprofessionalism when handling the Story Arc that we're supposed to BE on the side of Angel Dust and "empowering him" failed, reason being that the story arc is being handled by people who fetish the abuse of a victim rather than being out of the way and approaching it with a more "detatched way" the entirety of EP4 could've been a commentary but instead it became a joke of an episode with two musicals that are nothing more than bringing down and making victims uncomfortable.

3. Loser, Baby and Poison did nothing to the story.

Loser, Baby is a useless addition to the already shitty soundtrack (There's like 2 soundtracks I liked out of them all.) and only provided us with the fact that "it's okay to be a victim and sell your body, it's okay to feel like a slut" it only serves to breed people to depreciate someone's self esteem, it's seen as "empowering" and "great" for Husk to belittle someone whose already been kicked down. Everyone in this episode was unlikeable with the exception of Sir Pentious, and ontop of it, everyone was OOC.

They were OOC to force a conflict and BS resolution because they needed a cute HuskerDust moment.

And don't get me started on Poison, the very song that tries to be Addict. But failed tremendously, Poison's animation was animated by a weirdo creep who probably had his hand somewhere else, and I wouldn't even put it past it.

Blake Roman has good vocals, but he's trying to be Michael, instead of his own person. There's alot of things I could say, but my dissection of this song is up if you want to hear it.

4. My EX liked the character and he's a piece of shit.

My ex, known as D, was an abusive cheating narcissist, who spent most of out relationship flirting with my then best friend (whose my boyfriend now) C. He spent most of the time doing it in front of me. It's not the first time he's done it, he's done it with other people, and alledgely by C, he made some rapey comments about him. My boyfriend (I will not say anything in respect) had "bad history" I had "bad history (involving family members.)" and for someone to say all that to someone who is a victim is gross.

When I left him after awhile he went on Twitter on a burner to harass me and my associates while spreading false allegations and using my mental breakdown as a way to say I diddle kids, along with screenshots when I was still a minor to prove to everyone I was a child diddler.

What does this have to do with AD?

Because he CONSTANTLY referred to Angel Dust as a "Femboy Spider" and KNOWING I was sexually abused, it made me INCREASINGLY uncomfortable. He and the fandom only see Angel Dust as gooning material, which is why he's written to be overly sexualized, he isn't a character that's deep and enriching, he's someone for people to sexualize and demean. He's not even human.

(He also had an obsession with UnknownSpy's stupid Sploot character which is a trigger of mine too.)

5. The roleplay side of them (esp Underage Kids) weird me out.

They have this weird sense of "judgement" about them that comes along with being an Angel Dust stan, they often try to make it to where they are uncomfortable around you while also portraying the easiest character.

and finally.

6. Angel Dust is easy to write, and not complicated.

Every single shit is a cop out, they write Angel Dust because its easy to make jokes about his body parts, they write Angel Dust because it's easy to rewrite canon into making him a victim.

Every FUCKING time.

I am SAYING Angel Dust can beat Val, it's easy, everyone down there has some sort of Asspull where they can somehow magically achieve Super Saiyan Bullshit.

Angel Dust by that logic should ALSO fucking take down the Vees, but no. We need more "liberating moments" for him to feel "empowered" and putting the sex back in Sex Worker.

This is why I hate him as a victim myself, and as a writing standpoint. People aspire to be like him, VICTIMS look up to him, NO ONE SHOULD PERIOD.

[hiwelcometothemonstersancturary]

ooof i am getting emotional over mommy long legs/miss delight as a pairing again 💔

both have the shared trauma of being forced into maternal/caretaker roles when they were children, and arguably the trauma of having to kill loved ones. delight with her sisters, mll possibly with the game station toys thanks to her anger outbursts. they're isolated from the other toys of the areas they reside in, and try to keep up with their caretaker/motherly personas even when facing with the iminent danger that the player/angel offers to them. there's so much to work with this!!!!

and like. for the save everyone au, after angel gets everyone out of the factory, marie/mll and delight are TRAUMATIZED. it's the first time since ever that they can actually digest the whole decade of trauma they went through. marie had to kill daddy long legs and daisy, and almost killed baby. delight killed all of her sisters because everyone panicked over food, and it was either them of her. delight is antisocial and a scaredy cat thanks to her isolation, while marie has awful anger outbursts and abandonment issues. in a way, they are the best ones to help each other out. marie helps delight come out of her shell, delight helps marie calm down when things become too much.

i can perfectly imagine delight having her first mental breakdown as she tries and fails time and time again to "keep up" and appear normal, just adapting to her surroundings before realizing there's nothing for her to survive against except her own mental health, as marie tries to calm her down before finally hugging her and letting her cry as much as she needs to. or marie breaking a window during an anger outburst and starting to cry, afraid that angel will be mad at her and kick her out (or worse) before delight brings her back to reality: angel would never do that. its okay.

i can also imagine these two screaming singing to britney spears as they drive angel's van around and crash it somewhere ✨

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for putting a friend's Discord message on mute and not talking to them much, thus not being able to support them through a crisis?

My friend and I used to message a lot, but they have this habit of, if I don't answer their message within a few minutes, their rejection sensitive dysphoria causes them to then spam me with very short messages until I do answer and reassure them that I'm not angry. Talking to them started to feel stressful because I felt like I was only to able to reply at all if I could give them undivided attention for a solid length of time and answer all messages immediately, which was almost never. I couldn't handle my notifications being blown up with dozens of messages in just a few minutes.

So I put the message on mute so I wouldn't get notifications when they messaged anymore, and I started answering them back only when I felt up to it instead of when they wanted me to. I felt bad because the frequency of my messages started dropping significantly and they noticed too. It went from constantly throughout the day before they started doing this to me messaging them back once a day or other day, and eventually the messages from them slowed down too. I wanted to start messaging them more again, but every time I did, I thought of the spamming and got too nervous to do more than a quick single reply to the messages that they had sent since my last one.

The real AITA though comes from the fact that their mental health got worse in the last few weeks. I did try to support them as best I could, but as the spam messaging increased (at the same time as my offline life becoming very stressful for me) I was able to do this less and less, and I tried to tell them that these stresses had changed the capacity I was capable of showing up for, but I suspect deep down they think it's because I don't like or care about them. Culminating in, they became suicidal today and I missed the messages where they had a mental breakdown in my inbox last night. They didn't say anything about my messages directly but they did say they felt like no one in their life truly supports them/cares if they're suicidal.

I feel awful I didn't see the messages and wasn't able to help/talk them through it! I consider them a friend and I don't want them hurting and it sucks that they're going through so much. I want them to feel cared for and supported.

So I worry I'm the asshole here for not being there for them. I worry I made them feel like I don't care, especially because they have rejection sensitive dysphoria which is why they would constantly ping me to get me to reply again and tell them I wasn't mad at them, just multitasking. I know they didn't do it TO overwhelm me. On the other hand, it very much did overwhelm me and cause me stress because I felt like no amount of reassuring ever helped, the only thing that did was responding to all messages within a few minutes, and I did the best I could under the circumstances.

So... am I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[horrorlove14]

Hallo, thx for doing my request. Now I'm thinking of rin itoshi with an ambivert reader. Ambivert means you are both and extrovert and an introvert. Rin is an introvert and reader is an ambivert. Reader is elegant, ladylike, calm and collected. She likes to hang out alone in the the garden. Draw, read a book, dance or sing. Usually she loves elegant dancing or traditional fan dancing. On the other hand, she is also cheerful bubbly and not rlly shy and doesn't get awkward when socialising.

Hello again and of course, I'll fulfil this request

Pairing: Rin Itoshi x Female! Reader

You are considered as an ambivert, meaning that you're both introverted and extroverted at the same time. You can be quite comfortable about socialising with others without being awkward, but you also want to have alone time to yourself to recharge your social battery.

You meet Rin Itoshi during one of your traditional fan dancing practices at the public gardens, which catches his attention because he's in awe with the way you dance in rhythm with the fan.

Once you're done, Rin applauds with a slight smile on his handsome face, and you didn't hesitate to go up to him and introduce yourself with your sweet, bubbly personality, along with your ladylike mannerisms which has him in awe.

You two end up talking to each other to the point that you lost track of time as a result because you two share an instant chemistry. You exchanged contact details with Rin before returning home.

As time goes on, you and Rin have hung out together and gotten closer that you two end up dating each other when you went to go watch one of Rin's matches where you cheered him and once the match was over Rin confessed his feelings towards you and you returned them with a sweet kiss to his lips.

Throughout the whole relationship, Rin has seen your introverted side where you would sometimes prefer to stay at home and do your hobbies to recharge yourself and relax. He also has seen the extroverted side where you would be confident to socialise with others in social outings.

For your dates, you would dress elegantly and ladylike, which makes him blush, and his heart beat fast. You'll be in awe of whatever Rin wears because he's handsome like a supermodel who'll look in anything he wears.

He looks forward to the future with you by his side at every step on the way and making many fun memories together.

----------------------------------------------------

End of story. Likes and reblogs are very much appreciated.

My deepest apologies for the delay due to my part-time job and mental health because I went through a dark place in my head and had a mental breakdown due to stress and anxiety.

[linnorabeifong]

Just Thinking

With everything Lin’s been through I’m surprised she never had an Azula-esque mental breakdown.

This woman had an absent father, a neglectful mother, basically had to raise her sister because Toph wouldn’t then got her face sliced open by said sister. Her sister leaves after that and then her mom leaves about (guessing here) a year or so afterwords and just hangs out in a swamp. She joins the police to impress her mother and goes on to become the chief and her mom still doesn’t care.

Her job is immensely stressful, her friends are across the world ( Izumi is in the fire nation, Kya is traveling, Bumi is in the UF) and she gets left by Tenzin (who she’s probably known and been friends with since infancy) for a younger woman.

Presumably there would also be the pressure of the Beifong name and title and the maintenance of the estate after her grandparents die because I don’t see Toph handling that. Additionally all of her mentors either die or move away from the city (Aang dies, Sokka dies, Zuko is in the fire nation, Katara moves to the south) . Obviously we know from the show she handles her emotions poorly and bottles them up. We also know that she’s kind of socially-awkward at times like Azula.

Then we get into the issues of each season. RC already has organized crime that she has to fight to take down then the avatar lands on her door step and destroys public property and agitates the equalist situation. Then Lin looses her job which she has dedicated her entire life to. Outside of her job she doesn’t have a lot going for her. Then she sacrifices herself to save the family of the guy that cheated on her and looses her bending in the process. That must be soul crushing and no one shows up to save her or support her in her time of need.

Season two she has to deal with the attacks in RC and deal with her detective being falsely accused and then with the spirit vines overtaking her city.

Season Three she has to protect the avatar from a terrorist group and is forced to see her sister after thirty years. This experience is obviously super overwhelming for her and then she’s pressured into meeting all these new people (our girl is an introvert). Additionally the stress of her job is physically taking a toll on her as seen throughout the episode. She goes to get acupuncture which resurfaces all of her old painful memories and then when she has an outburst ( understandable she’s going through a lot) everyone is mad at her. ( I have so much more to say about this but I don’t want this post to be a novel) . The battle with the Red Lotus: she was nearly killed and she watched P’Li die. that had to be gory. Even if Lin has seen a lot of death that’s a VERY gruesome way to go.

Season four is obviously stressful for her but there’s particular instances that stick out here: Toph hiding who her dad was just to go and tell Bolin ( this must’ve been so immensely hurtful for Lin: think about it she didn’t even know her dad was from the fire nation until her mom casually told Bolin, that means Lin went fifty four years not even knowing her ethnicity ) . But also the way that after everything Toph’s done she’s just expected to forgive her ? And Lin is so incredibly self-sacrificing that she just swallows her own feelings and does.

Here are the things that really irk me the most

Circling back to season three: “Bitter loner who only cares about herself. No wonder Tenzin ended things with you years ago”

Wow, just wow this is so genuinely awful. But also untrue. Lin has made so many sacrifices, she’s put her life on the line multiple times for Korra and had her bending ripped away from her while protecting Korra.

Bringing up Tenzin was a low blow and so immature of Su.

Lin is so forgiving and no one appreciates her or acknowledges the tremendous amount of pain they put her in.

Also Lin has massive scars on her face. She has to see those every day. That has to take a toll on her self esteem. Not only that they look painful and deep. For all we know she could have sensitivity or be completely numb in that area.

This pisses me off the most: Toph could feel everything through the vines apparently so that means she knew when Lin lost her bending but she didn’t show up for her. Realizing this broke my heart for Lin.

In conclusion Lin has been through a lot. She is traumatized. Yeah she’s grumpy and she has outbursts and she cries in the Zafou episodes but none of this feels like a proportional response to everything she’s been through . I don’t think she as a character can heal until she really processes things and lets it all out but all we see is her continuing to work and heap more pressure on herself. That isn’t sustainable and eventually will create consequences much worse than what we’ve already seen.

I see parallels between her and Azula ( I won’t get into it) and with the strained relationship Lin has with Toph I could see her having an Azula-moment.

Thanks for listening to my disorganized thoughts .

[myjollyfroggyfriend]

Stuff I loved about Dead Friend Forever (yes I'm late to the party don't mind me):

\!/ SPOILERS (obviously)

• they COMMITTED

Like they really went full gorey thriller aesthetic&plot, mad respect on that front + they also conveyed the trauma of high-school bullying terribly well (it was triggering to watch but done in a good way you know?)

• the plotwists were really well done and surprising, while still making sense

Phee being Non's ex bf all along?? Tan actually being New?? I ate that up

But also Non being dead since the beginning, making it a meta textual ghost story, like he's actually haunting everyone through the narrative? Chef's kiss.

• phenomenal acting from everyone

But Barcode especially like, the boy can ACT act (actually got chills during his mental breakdown scenes)

Do I have a crush on Ta now? Probably.

• good characterization and good writing

I really enjoyed all characters, they all were fully fleshed, even the secondary ones. You get to understand why Por is that way, why Tee did what he did (!!His backstory omg), even White has a purpose (smart twink we stan).

• I really liked all the couples

Really went from aw to ew to wtf to omg ok to HELP regarding TeeWhite, I liked their meet cute

I really really like PheeNon, give me 15 of these right now BeOnCloud please

I LOVED PheeJin, their story/relationship was really interesting and nuanced

• the ending aka COMEUPPANCE

Not to rephrase what everybody else has already said before but how every character meets their end is the exact reflection of what they did to Non... immaculate??

Like the bystander stabbing his own eyes (he didn't do anything, he just watched), the one who framed (for a camera!!) Non and used him to save his ass was used to kill his friend, the one who didn't do anything at all and got killed because he was INNOCENT, the first one to pick on Non to put himself forward died first and then everyone forgot about him (he literally wasn't important to the narrative & the group anymore), the one who filmed Non stabbing the same hand that held the camera over and over again, the one who literally did the worst ends up doing the worst and killing his lover. And the two who loved Non the most and betrayed him the most/abandoned him are stuck in a nightmare they can't escape.

LIKE

[secretmellowblog]

just finished reading Annoyances and I am in awe of your ability to get inside Jean Valjean’s fucked up little brain and all the layers of trauma and weird Catholic theology that surround it. A million kudos!

Ahh thank you so much!! I’ve appreciated your live-blogging comments a lot, and will likely reply to them soon </3 ;-;.

And yeah! Jean Valjean is such a complicated mess of a character, and I find it interesting how a century of adaptations have all struggled to tap into what makes him so complex and compelling. People say that majority of Les mis adaptations focus on Valjean and Javert, but I don’t think that’s true—- I have this theory that most Les mis adaptations focus on Javert, to the point of over-writing Javert and over-complicating his character to the point where he no longer makes sense, and that Valjean is often very underwritten as a result. I think the musical and Arai manga are the two biggest exceptions to this, because for all their changes they do feel very interested in exploring Valjean’s inner life and weird canon Hangups in a way that few adaptations genuinely do.

But yeah not to be pretentious, but I love writing Annoyances (whenever I have the spoons for it) because it helps me figure out why I find him so compelling!! fanfic is a form of adaptation, and trying to adapt something yourself is very underrated as a tool for helping you understand and analyze canon.

Writing the fourth chapter took a while and went through fifty revisions until it was unrecognizable, because I spent time going back though Tempest in a Skull/Immortal Liver/similar chapters trying to figure How To Flowchart Diagram a Valjean Mental Breakdown. I can’t speak to how good the final chapter is (it initially had a few egregious typos) but it did really help me understand how his character worked in a way I hadn’t before, because I had an excuse to close-read chapters I already loved.

Oh and here’s the link for people who haven’t read it!

[kissorkill16]

She's Okay, I Guess: A Hello Neighbor Fanfic

By JJ

Summary: Enzo and Nicky have a little talk about Trinity.

Nicky was just walking through the hallway of Raven Brooks Middle after the last bell rang, and was suddenly pulled into the men's room.

"Ow! Can people stop doing that?! One more pull like that and you'll dislocate my shoulder.", he said, rubbing his arm. He looked up to see who pulled him in the bathroom.

It was Enzo.

"Enzo? What're you doing here?", he asked.

"Nothing, I just need to talk to you about something important.", replied Enzo.

Nicky leaned back against the wall, his arms crossed. "What's so important that you nearly pulled my arm out of its socket?", he asked. Enzo rubbed his temple in frustration, like he was struggling to get the words out.

"It's about Trinity.", he finally said. Nicky was confused.

"What's so important about Trinity? Is she sick or something? I mean, she must be if she can't eat sugar. I know she's diabetic, but that must be some kind of living hell for her."

"She's not sick."

Nicky held his palm up, expecting an answer. "Then what is it?"

Enzo took a deep breath and blurted out "Do you like her?"

Nicky looked at him like he just grew a tail. "What?"

"Do you like Trinity? Do you like like her?"

Now Nicky understood what he meant. "No. Enzo, why would you even think that?"

"Well, it's hard to not think certain things. You guys spend an awful lot of time together, she hugged you during your mental breakdown behind that store, she holds your hand through difficult situations, the list is endless."

Nicky rolled his eyes.

"That doesn't mean we like each other, Enzo. She's just a great friend. And things have been getting rocky for me since the whole...thing, and she's just looking out for me like a good friend would.", he said. He put a hand on Enzo's shoulder, "Look, I do like her, she's okay, I guess, but she's not really my type."

Enzo was surprised for a moment. "Really?"

"Really.", he said. "Plus, why would I crush on a girl who I know someone else has the hots for?"

Enzo's face turned red. "Yeah, man. You think we don't notice?", said Nicky. "She's yours, dude. You don't have anything to worry about."

Enzo smiled in relief, then the two left the bathroom together and went home.

[ratatoast]

Whew, I’ve really been debating whether I should make this post or not, but I’ve decided that it is my civic duty as a fellow cyster to bring awareness and maybe help others understand or even recognise the symptoms and what it means to have PCOS

I could hit you guys with all the official terms and statistics, but I will let the pictures do the talking on that

I personally just thought that I should share my story and how I got diagnosed with PCOS, and how I’ve been managing since then

So, I got my first period when I was 10. Which is quite early, but it never really bothered me. I always had a very regular menstrual cycle, from the number of days I menstruated, to the length of each phase.

Well, that all stopped when I was almost 19. My periods stopped being regular, I even went 3 whole consecutive months without even ovulating once. I was always irritated, I gained a lot of weight, my skin was horrible and I just wasn’t really on top of my game in general.

But I just kept telling myself that everything would be fine. I floated through 2 years of my life without knowing if I would be getting my period each month. I didn’t understand why I was always so hormonal and I kind of started hating myself.

So this year, in the very beginning of july, now at the big old age of 21, I decided to go to the OBGYN. I was honestly scared shitless, but I was trying to gaslight myself into thinking that it would be all fine. Except it ended up not being all fine. Because I got diagnosed with PCOS.

Now, I don’t know about other OBGYNs, but mine didn’t particularly care to explain stuff to me, just gave me my papers and told me to get a bunch of tests done to find out my root cause. My regular doctor just gave me a pamphlet for dieting with diabetes/IR and basically told me to just figure things out on my own.

I think it’s honestly disgusting how little healthcare professionals seem to care about a condition that affects so many afab people. There isn’t a cure, because nobody cares to find a cure.

Well, they should.

Everyone should.

Living with PCOS isn’t easy. I have mental breakdowns about it on the weekly. I hate having to restrict what I can eat so much.

And I hate that it is worth it. I hate that I actually feel better when I don’t eat dairy, I hate that I actually feel awful physically when I eat carbs. It’s not fair.

And I hate that my sickness affects the most important (to me) aspect of my life: my fertility.

I have never not wanted children. Becoming a mother is the biggest dream I had since I was a kid. It’s my life purpose. And I might not ever get it.

But I can’t let my PCOS rule my life. I am me, first and foremost. Chronic illness or not.

And I really hope that every woman struggling with PCOS can look into the mirror at the end of the day and find beauty in what she sees.

You are beautiful.

You are strong.

You are loved.

[suicidal-coffin-boy]

-Hazbin hotel criticism-

My blood is boiling rn seriously,I HATE THIS SONG I HATE IT,I WENT TROUGH SEXUAL TRAUMA AND THIS SONG JUST MAKES ME FEEL WORSE THAN EVER.THE MESSAGE MIGHT BE THAT "Oh you aren't alone in this!!" But just telling that Angel is a loser for getting sexually physically abused by Valentino and also comparing THAT to Husk losing to fucking gambling is FUCKING NOT OKAY VIZIEPOP,VIVIENNE MEDRANO WTF IS YOUR PROBLEM WE PEOPLE WITH SEXUAL TRAUMA ARE.NOT.FUCKING.LOSERS.

These shitty fucked up awful lyrics I swear,

"Oh and you think that makes you unique??Remember you AREN'T the only one going through the torture that you go through every single day!!You aren't the only pathetic loser out there with problem's like this,Haha come on buddy we are all loser's stop feeling fucking sad for those particular reasons because there are plenty of people out there with the same exact problem you are experiencing right now!!"

Letting Angel sing along with "I'm a loser baby" just makes me wanna cry,Fills me with boiling anger and gives me a triggering mental breakdown over what has and can happen towards other people,Including me that did experience with serious abusive traumatic event's.

*Everyone that sees this post,I really REALLY want to spread more awareness about this,How Viziepop's Angel is written and treated in such a way it is just poorly offensive to actual people with abuse, Let's all together as a community post: #AngelDustIsNotALoser to fuck off Viziepop FUCKING FUCK YOU FUCK YOU VIVIENNE MEDRANO I NEVER BEEN THIS ANGRY AT SUCH A POINT,FIRST THE TRANSPHOBIA AND RACISM THAT ALREADY PUT ME OFF EDGE BUT NOW THE STUPIDITY OF HOW YOU TREAT SEXUAL ABUSE,THAT'S THE LAST FUCKING DROP I AM NO LONGER GOING TO BE GIVING YOU THE NICE TREATMENT,

JUST GO CHOKE AND DIE VIZ