#i watched them all at the same time but my main focus when my depression got bad was free

[mint-yooxgi]

{20} - Hotel California - Yandere!Demonic Entities!Ateez X Reader

Yandere AU & Demon AU - Based off of This ask and Hotel California by Eagles

Genre: Mature, Horror, Angst, Fluff, Slight Humor

Pairing: Ateez X Reader (Focus on Seonghwa)

Words: 9,169

Warnings: Talks of mental illness: depression, suicidal thoughts, and suicide. Insecurities. Heavy angst. This is a Yandere story, it will contain themes such as stalking, violence, obsession, possessive natures, and just general overall creepiness and swearing. You have been warned.

A/n: So, this chapter is still pretty angsty in my opinion, but it does get fluffy near the end. It’s meant to really encapsulate both sides of the story and their emotions, so I hope that all comes through. I highly recommend listening to, or even searching up the lyrics to the songs in this chapter when they appear, as it will really put the songs I chose into perspective and provide more context/meaning to them in the moment. I really want to emphasize how the OC is really two sides of the same coin with all of them. I also really hope you enjoy it! As always, feedback is greatly appreciated! Enjoy~

Main Story - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five - Part Six - Part Seven - Part Eight - Part Nine - Part Ten - Part Eleven - Part Twelve - Part Thirteen - Part Fourteen - Part Fifteen - Part Sixteen - Part Seventeen - Part Eighteen - Part Nineteen - Mini Masterlist

For two whole days, you see no sight, nor hear no sound of Seonghwa. Probably because you’ve opted to confine yourself to your room again, worried one of the others will bring up the topic of talking to him before you’re ready. At least the separation has given you time to think.

Sure, you’re still upset with what he said, but Jongho’s words from the other day in the library keep repeating themselves inside of your head.

He was scared.

You know first hand what fear can do to your emotional response. All logic simply can, and will, fly out of the window.

Still, that does not excuse what he said to you.

On the third day, you brave traversing outside of your room for a little while. 

The encounter you have with him is brief. You walk into the foyer on the way to the library when you see him coming from the opposite hall. Of course, he froze as soon as he saw you, eyes going wide as that same look of regret and sorrow takes over his features.

You say nothing, but you meet his gaze, blinking once at him as you continue to walk past.

For the first time in weeks, he doesn’t immediately beg for your forgiveness. No, this time, he simply watches you until you disappear from his sight. Still, he cannot keep his hands from shaking.

A fact of which you notice.

The rest of the week passes by exactly like this. Whenever you see Seonghwa, you acknowledge his presence either by meeting his gaze briefly, or nodding subtly in his direction. He makes no attempt to push you to listen to him anymore, nor does he dump countless amounts of apologies onto you. It’s still tense, but at least it’s bearable for you now.

Finally, you feel as if you can breathe again.

A week after that talk in the library with Hongjoong and Jongho, you decide to call your sister. You haven’t spoken to her in a little bit, and considering everything that’s happened, you could really use a good familial connection right now. Your mother is always an option, but as soon as you let on that you’re not in the right headspace, she’ll start asking you a million and one questions, and do whatever is in her power to find you and comfort you.

Not that you would complain, you just would rather have someone to listen to you for now, instead of wanting to take direct action. Besides, you could really go for hearing your sister’s familiar and comforting voice.

“Hey boo, what’s up?” She greets you with a smile after two rings of the video call going through. “How’ve you been?”

Currently, you find yourself sitting out on your balcony, the doors open wide behind you. You rest on one of the chaises, stretching your feet out in front of you as you hold your phone in your hand, elbow propped up on one of the arm rests.

“I’ve been okay,” you smile briefly, nothing more than a tense pull of your lips upwards. “I just wanted to call and check up on things with you. How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been great!” She replies, eyes instantly lighting up. “Work has really been picking up, so I’m happy about that.”

Fifteen minutes later, and she’s told you all about her personal business finally gaining traction, and bringing in more clients. You can tell that she’s super excited about everything, and that excitement rubs off on you. You find yourself smiling genuinely along to everything she has to say, and replying when appropriate with your encouragement and praise. You are really proud of her and how far she’s come, considering everything that she’s been through the past few years.

“Oh, and the next time you come to visit, we have a surprise for you!” She grins.

“A surprise?” You quirk a brow. “What is it?”

“Well, if I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise, now, would it?” She chuckles.

“No, I suppose not,” you chuckle along with her, a soft smile adorning your features.

“Speaking of, when do you think you’ll be coming home to visit?” She asks, blinking curiously at you. “I know you’re all tied up with that new mystery lover of yours.”

At the suggestive wiggle of her brows, you can only sigh and shake your head.

“Still on about the mystery lover, huh?” You almost tut. “Will you cut it out?”

“Alright, alright, sorry,” she giggles, grinning knowingly.

“To answer your question,” you reply, somewhat pointedly with a teasingly firm look on your features, “I don’t know. Hopefully, soon.” You blink, the corner of your lips twitching upwards faintly. Almost sadly. “As soon as I can.”

With everything with Miyeon going on, and the fact that you were attacked the last time you went out, you think you just want to stick around the house for a little while. Besides, the guys all briefly filled you in on the fact that Miyeon does have allies now. Allies of which are two of the most dangerous men outside of the eight of them.

Needless to say, you have no plans on dying any time soon the next time you leave the house. Though, the first chance you get once this is all over, you’re going to visit your family. You miss them. A lot.

“Are you okay, boo?” Immediately, her brow furrows in worry. “You seem kind of down lately, and you zoned out on me there for a good little bit. Did something happen?”

A heavy sigh escapes you as you shift in your seat.

“Just-“ you blink, rubbing at the side of your face as your expression falls, shoulders drooping once more, “having a little bit of a rough time lately, that’s all.”

“Oh no,” concern is clear on her features, and you notice her lean slightly forwards in her seat. “Is it your depression again?”

“Part of it,” you nod. “Though, it’s a bit more complicated than that, I guess. It’s nowhere near as bad as it was, though. Well, you remember.”

A hint of fear flashes in her eyes. “I do.”

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing like that,” you share a knowing look with her, a faint twitch of your lips upwards. “I promise.”

“You and I both know that as soon as those thoughts come back, you don’t let them consume you anymore. You immediately get help.” She reminds you, and you nod along with her words. “We are not who we used to be. We’re better than that.”

“Yes,” you readily agree, eyes flashing in acknowledgement. “Yes, we are.”

“Do you have any outlets you can use to work through your emotions right now?”

You tilt your head slightly side to side, humming, “yes, and no.”

“What about that one hobby of yours?” She inquires. “I’m sure the hotel, or whatever you’re staying at, has one somewhere in a lounge or something, given the extravagance of the place. Perhaps you can just ask one of the staff to let you use one after hours, or something.”

“I haven’t touched one in years, honestly,” you reply, shifting your gaze out across to what appears to be the open desert stretching out in front of you.

“It helped you before,” she says, knowingly.

“I suppose it did,” you hum, a small nod to your head.

“Speaking of, how are you still able to afford staying at that place? It looks so fancy, and you haven’t been working lately, as far as I know. Have mom and dad been helping?” She quirks a brow, that teasing spark back in her eyes as she looks at you. “You keep saying there’s no mystery lover, but-“

“Oh, for crying out loud, Crystal!” You cut her off. “Will you knock it off?”

She laughs, boisterous and content. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry.”

Your lips tighten into a tense smile.

“Anyways, we’re going out for dinner soon, so I’m going to have to let you go to get ready,” she says. “If you ever need me, or even if you just want to talk, I’m here for you. Don’t hesitate at all.”

“I appreciate that,” your smile turns genuine once more. “Same goes for you.”

“Of course,” she returns your smile. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay,” you agree wholeheartedly. “Have fun at dinner, and say ‘hi’ to everyone for me.”

“Will do!” She replies. “Bye, boo! I love you!”

“I love you, too.” With a final wave and goodbye, you’re ending the call with your sister.

Another sigh escapes your lips as you place your phone beside you on the chaise, tucking it halfway beneath your thigh as you tilt your head back momentarily. Closing your eyes, you allow your whole body to relax.

A soft mewl draws your attention to the floor beside you, noticing Kuroo jump onto the chaise you’re resting on in the next second. He craws over your lap, settling onto your thighs as he begins to purr.

“Well, hello there, Little One,” you chuckle, scratching at his chin as he curls into you. “Did you come to check on me?”

At the way he exposes his belly for you, paws in the air curled above his chest, you’re letting out another chuckle.

“Oh, how sweet you are,” you coo, petting his tummy lightly as you look down at him.

Absentmindedly, you continue to scratch at his belly softly, combing your fingers through his fur. Kuroo is more than content to lay here like this with you, quickly falling asleep as he continues to keep you company. At least it gives you time to think.

Yes, you’re still upset at what happened, but keeping up this type of anger isn’t good for your mental health. Plus, you do miss spending time with Seonghwa, talking to him and joking around. You miss that cute pout of his that will tug onto his features when you tease him, and you miss the comfort of his voice.

Perhaps you’ve been a little too harsh on him with not letting him explain himself to you. You know for a fact that you’ve regretted those words you spoke in annoyance when exiting the library last week as soon as they left your lips. 

Perhaps this is exactly how he felt. 

At least you’ve now had time to process things.

Still, you’ll give it another day or two before you’re ready to talk to him. You don’t think you’re quite ready, or in the correct headspace to have that kind of conversation with him yet.

The very next day, luck seems to be on your side, for they all get called to an emergency council meeting. Seems as if someone has a new lead for them about Miyeon, or something.

It’s a bit odd, seeing a raven squawking around the house, but Wooyoung quickly explains to you that they’re the fastest messengers they have that travel between the realms. Though, you can tell both he and Jongho aren’t too pleased when the raven lands on your shoulder and stands like a sentinel, watching them with narrowed eyes.

“Are they flirting with me now, too?” You quirk a brow teasingly.

“Yes, she is,” Jongho replies, clearly irritated.

Your brows raise in amusement as you turn to look at the raven on your shoulder.

“Always a pleasure to have you, Stella,” Wooyoung gets out through gritted teeth.

The raven coos, almost mockingly back at him, making you laugh.

“Well, Stella,” you chuckle, noticing how a few of the others appear in the front foyer in the next second. “It’s a pleasure meeting you.”

Once again, she coos, but much fonder this time.

“Are all animals usually this friendly with you?” Yeosang inquires, nothing but curiosity reflected in his gaze.

“Most of the time,” you reply casually. “I don’t know what it is, but ever since I was small, they’ve always had an affinity towards me.”

A caw greets your ears, followed closely by a mewl as Kuroo makes an appearance from down the hallway. Instantly, Stella is taking off of your shoulder to circle the cat before landing gracefully on his back. Not that Kuroo seems to mind at all. In fact, he looks rather smug. Cheeky bastard.

Yeosang’s eyes shine, “I see.”

You look at him expectantly.

“They’re saying that you have a kind presence to you, so they’re drawn to it.” Jongho fills you in just as the remainder of his brothers enter the room.

You hum as you nod slightly in understanding, turning your attention to watch as Kuroo trots around happily with Stella on his back. That is, until Hongjoong is clearing his throat, then she’s quick to fly over to rest on his shoulder.

“We should be back in an hour or two,” he replies, meeting your gaze.

“We’ll try to be as quick as we can.” San assures you, drawing your attention to him in the next moment.

You nod your understanding once more.

“Okay, well, be careful,” you reply, eyes scanning over each and every one of them. “All of you.”

With a small smile, you’re turning around and heading back down the hallway, Kuroo in tow.

You fail to see the way they all turn to look at the eldest, who stands visibly frozen in his spot for the moment. Yunho manages to pull him out of his thoughts by clapping him once on the shoulder in the next second, the eight of them transporting themselves (and Stella) to their throne room.

Seonghwa cannot deny the way his heart swells, but this time, with hope. You looked at him again. Actually looked at him, with something other than disgust or disdain on your features. Perhaps things really are starting to get better. Little by little, he’ll make things right, no matter how long it takes.

Meanwhile, as they handle the urgent summons, you continue to make your way down the hallway and towards the music room. You figure there’s no time like the present, considering they won’t be around for a little while. At least you can play in peace.

Flicking on the lights, you notice Kuroo immediately making his way over to the large bay windows and hopping onto the window seat, laying down and making himself comfortable. You, on the other hand, walk over to the grand piano, an instrument of which you haven’t played in about two years.

You can still hear your sister’s words echoing in your mind as you open the lid, propping it on its stand as you walk over to the keys. Your hand gently brushes over the ivory before pulling out the bench and taking a seat.

Music has always been an escape for you, whether it be playing, or listening. Last time, when your depression got really bad, you found comfort in the familiar press of the keys, letting out all of your emotions and thoughts through the songs you would play, sometimes singing along in the privacy of your own home. Perhaps this time it will help, too.

Taking a deep breath, you raise your hands to begin to play.

For a full minutes, your fingers hover over the piano, eyes staring blankly over the top of the instrument as you blink. Despite the fact that you’re alone now, and you know that you’re alone, you’re still cautious of beginning. You’ve never really liked playing in front of other people as you got older, and only very specific people, like your friends and family have heard you play in more recent years. So, to say you’re a little nervous to touch the keys after so long would be an understatement.

Well, there’s no time like the present, so you might as well start with the piece you’ve been playing since you were small.

Closing your eyes briefly, you let the tips of your fingers rest on top of the ivory as you take another deep breath. A moment later, you begin to play.

The sound of Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata slowly fills the air, and despite the few minor slip ups at first, either you rushing the timing or a wrong press of the keys, you begin to lose yourself to the music. One song blends into the next as you play a few classics that you’ve known since childhood, allowing the notes to surround you and offer you a comfort like they always have.

It’s one of the reasons hearing Yeosang play his violin for you meant so much, and even now, you cannot help but think back on that moment. Smiling to yourself, you look back down at the ivory keys below your hands, starting a new melody. One which you have not practiced in years.

It’s a little rough to start, considering it had been one of the newest songs you learned before being unable to play for quite some time, but once you get into the flow, you cannot help the way a giddy grin takes over your features.

Slowly, a medley of the Lord of the Rings soundtrack rings throughout the room, offering you comfort in your own way. A medley you had created yourself with all of your favourite songs from the movies. Each part flows into the next, and once you recall all of it, you find yourself sitting a little straighter in your seat, a pride swelling within your chest at the memories.

Though, nothing will ever mean as much to you, or sound quite like Yeosang performing Rohan’s melody for you on his violin. You don’t think you, or anything for that matter, could ever top that.

As soon as the medley finishes, you notice Kuroo staring at you from the window bench. His wide, golden eyes shine with nothing but curiosity and awe, causing your heart to warm in your chest.

“No tattling on me, now, okay?” You tease him lightly. “Especially not for the next few songs.”

A small coo is all you receive in response as he rests his head back onto his front paws.

“Also, if you don’t like my singing, that’s on you,” you chuckle, and you notice how his ears seem to perk up at this. “Fair warning, though: it’s been a while.”

Again, another soft coo greets your ears, almost as if he’s reassuring you. You smile.

“Let’s see,” you hum to yourself, “how did that one part go again?”

Briefly, you go over the bridge of the song, letting your memories resurface as you recall the melody. Once you do, you nod to yourself, starting at the very beginning.

The opening notes of Taemin’s Under My Skin begin to echo around the room. The familiar melody surrounds you like a warm embrace, feeling as if this song can perfectly describe your emotions at this time.

You open your mouth, and begin to sing.

With each lyric, your voice gets louder, stronger. It’s as if a piece of you that has been missing has finally returned, gaining confidence with every note that you hit. The emotions that you pour into your voice allow you to work through them, embracing every part of yourself and this situation as the meaning of the song overtakes your every sense.

With every word, with every note, you feel even better than before. Finally, you can release some of this stress, this pain holding onto your heart from over the past few weeks.

Before you know it, over an hour and a half has passed by with you getting lost in the music you create with the piano once more. It feels as if a weight has finally been lifted from your shoulders. With each passing second, you find more of yourself, grounding you once more to the person you are, the person that you have become, and the person you are always meant to be.

After another song, you pull out your phone. There’s one you have yet to learn the instrumental for that you’ve been meaning to, so you figure doing so now won’t be too bad. It’s not a difficult song by any means, so you’re sure you’ll be able to find either a basic outline for the sheet music online, or even if you listen to it enough times, you should be able to figure it out on your own. Besides, you feel as if this particular song relates quite well to your current situation, especially with Seonghwa.

That’s one thing that you’ve always been good at. If you listen to a song enough times, you’re usually able to distinguish which notes are being played, and copy the main melody enough for you to perform it.

Sure enough, not even twenty minutes later, you’ve taught yourself the song. It’s not very long, anyways, and from what you’ve leaned, it’s only really a few notes and chords. Well, here goes nothing.

Taking a deep breath, you begin to play from the very beginning.

The steady sound of a repeating, echoing note and its accompanying chords can be heard throughout the room as you lose yourself to the music once more. There’s a heaviness to your heart now as you begin to perform Bang Chan’s i hate to admit, voice sounding the slightest bit more strained as you allow your emotions to consume you.

Every thought you’ve had over the past three weeks surrounds you, coming through in the words you sing as tears begin to line your vision.

“I don’t know, I can’t give up on you,” you may not be in love with him yet, but that doesn’t mean your heart still cannot break. It’s the people that you care about that can always hurt you the most.

Your voice rings out throughout the room, and you notice Kuroo raise his head, staring at you with his wide, golden eyes.

You close your own as your first tear falls.

“I can’t stop thinking ‘bout you,” the steady press of your hands into the keys grounds you for the moment, the repetitive notes seemingly blending into one. “Just stay with me.”

The silent tears continue to fall down your cheeks, and you do whatever you can to not allow your emotions to fully control your voice for the moment. Unfortunately, it does not seem to be working, the final lines trembling as your voice drops to a near whisper.

“How could I forget?”

The next breath you take is shaky, your lips trembling as you slowly get out the final lines of the song.

“I might as well forget…”

The final notes ring out throughout the room, and you finally open your eyes. That’s when you notice, Kuroo isn’t looking at you, but at someone behind you.

The sound of someone falling to their knees echoes throughout the room. You don’t even need to turn around to know who it is.

Wiping at your tears quickly, you swallow the remaining emotions in your throat. As much as you didn’t want to be overheard playing, or singing right now, you realize that you can use this opportunity to your advantage.

Before either of you two can say anything, your back straightens, and you’re beginning another song. You don’t want to face him right now, anyways. Besides, you don’t think that you can.

The gentle trickle of notes fill the air, and you find yourself not even worrying about if you’ll remember the entire melody or not. Each press of the keys is almost second nature, despite how long you’ve gone without playing this song.

It was one of your favourites, after all, especially when you had been going through some rough times. Though, now that you think about it, the meaning has significantly changed. Again, you cannot help but marvel at how fitting this song is for your current situation as you continue to play the introductory notes of Try by Pink.

Taking a deep breath as your lips part, you begin to sing.

You don’t know how many of them are in the room with you, or if it’s just him. Given how you seem to only feel one intense stare locked onto your back, you believe it’s just the two of you. Besides, Kuroo hasn’t taken his eyes off of him since he’s entered the room.

“Where there is desire, there is gonna be a flame,” you can hear the way his breath hitches behind you as you hit the first chorus. “Where there is a flame, someone’s bound to get burned.”

He holds his breath.

“But just because it burns doesn’t mean you’re gonna die,” your eyes close briefly. “You gotta get up and try, try, try.”

Your voice echoes around the room, and you notice a stillness unlike ever before settle around you as you continue on. You know you have his complete and utter attention. Especially as you sing the next line.

“Why do we fall in love so easy,” he doesn’t fail to miss the catch in your voice, “even when it’s not right?”

The second time you hit the chorus, you can feel the tears once again prickling at your eyes. They pool in the corners, and as soon as you blink, you can feel them begin to fall.

This song is for you as much as it is for him.

“Ever worry that it might be ruined,” your voice is much softer now, and it’s like you’re speaking directly to him, “and does it make you want to cry?”

You don’t even need to turn around to know that he’s just as much of a mess as you are right now. Your heart squeezes painfully in your chest, and you do whatever you can to fight off the lingering emotions that threaten to choke you out at any second as the final chorus echoes throughout the room.

You can do this. You can make it through this. You’re almost there. At least, that’s what you keep telling yourself. Though, you’re pretty sure as soon as you turn around to see his broken expression once more, you won’t be able to control your emotions any longer.

“You gotta get up and try, try, try,” your voice is the softest it’s even been as your eyes fall shut. “Gotta get up and try, try, try.”

The final notes ring out through the room, and your hands fall into your lap. All you can do is stare at the keys in front of you as that still silence settles around the both of you. The only sounds you can hear are his muffled sobs, and your uneven breathing.

Taking a deep breath, you steady your nerves. Wiping at your tears with the back of your hand, you slowly turn around to face him while still sitting on the bench. Sure enough, you see him on his knees, about halfway between you and the open doorway.

Of all the previous times you’ve seen him cry in front of you, never has the eldest looked so broken. There is a deep sorrow held within his gaze as he stares into your eyes, fresh tears trailing down his face. His hands tremble as they hang limply at his sides, palms facing upwards in your direction in a display of utmost surrender and submission.

Painfully, Seonghwa’s heart squeezes. The worst suffocating feeling that he’s ever felt in his entire life surrounds his entire chest as he continues to stare at you, sobs wracking his entire body the longer you go without saying anything.

So badly does he want to hope, but he doesn’t think he’ll survive that loss if it turns out to be false.

You swallow your emotions for the moment as you meet his gaze.

“Give me an hour or two, and once we’ve both calmed down,” you stand from your spot, “then, we can talk.”

Seonghwa can only nod his head vigorously, worried that if he opens his mouth all that will escape him will be a choked sob. Still, he cannot deny the way his breath catches, no longer being able to stop that glimmer of hope from shining within his gaze.

Without another word, you walk passed him and out of the room.

You don’t come across any of the others on your way back to your own room, and for that, you’re grateful. You can still tell they’re around, hearing sound coming from both the home theatre, and game room as you pass by. The fact that they’re being respectful enough not to swarm you for the moment helps to warm your heart as you wipe at your lingering tears once more.

Making it back to your room, you shut the door behind you once you step inside, leaving it open only the slightest crack incase Kuroo decides to join you later. You could really go for a nice warm bath right now; you just need to calm down for a bit and relax.

An hour later, you find yourself sitting in the exact same chaise you were in the previous evening. This time, you sit crossed legged as you gaze out into the desert before you. 

The stars glimmer like jewels in the sky above, and a gentle breeze caresses your heated skin. Kuroo sits on the railing of your balcony, tail swishing behind him as he looks out over the space in front of the both of you. Silently, he keeps you company, standing guard and offering you comfort in his own way.

Again, the balcony doors rest wide open behind you, but you’ve opted to keep the door to your room closed for now. You doubt he’ll use the door anyways, once you call for him. Besides, you do not wish to be disturbed.

Letting out a sigh, you close your eyes.

For the next half an hour, you calm your mind. 

Occasionally, you have used meditation to help you relax, and you find yourself leaning into those few times that you have, recalling the breathing exercises that you’ve used previously that have worked before, and using them now.

Taking a deep, steady breath in, you open your eyes.

Finally, you are ready to talk to Seonghwa.

The very moment you brush up against that royal blue string within your mind, Seonghwa is beside you in a second. His hands pause halfway in buttoning up his shirt, and you notice his hair is damp. He must have just gotten out of the shower.

The soft call of your name from his lips has you meeting his gaze, even if only briefly.

“Sit,” you motion to the chair beside you. “We have a lot to discuss."

Instantly, he’s in the seat beside yours, sorrowful gaze locked onto your figure. From the corner of your eyes, you can see how bloodshot his own are, and you can just tell he’s probably been crying for a lot longer than you have been.

A moment of silence passes over the both of you as you stare forward, and out into the desert.

“Would you like to go first, or should I?” You pose the question gently, forearms resting over your knees.

You hear him take a deep, shaky breath in.

“Whatever would make you more comfortable.” Comes his soft reply.

You nod your head only once, slowly at that.

“Alright,” you blink, eyes transfixed on the way Kuroo’s tail continues to swish back and forth over the railing in front of you. “Then I would like to hear what you have to say.”

He’s quiet for a moment, and you recognize this as him collecting his thoughts.

“I-“ he begins, before stopping short, staring at his intertwined hands as he leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “I have no greater regret than the pain my words have caused you. I promised you that I would never speak to you in such a manner again, and I broke that promise to you. I swore I would never hurt you, yet that’s all I seem to be doing.”

Taking a deep breath, he swallows the sudden dryness in his throat as he keeps his voice low.

“I find that I never know how to control myself around you: my emotions, my actions, my words.” His fingers tighten around each other. “I know it’s no excuse for how I acted. I let my fear control me that day. I let it control my anger, which subsequently controlled my words. It was misdirected, and unacceptable on my part. I took it out on you, and for that, I am truly sorry.”

Looking up, he meets your gaze, and you see fresh tears lining his eyes.

“I will spend every day of the rest of our lives making this up to you; proving to you how sincere I am is the only thing on my mind. I cannot live without you; you’ve more than proved your point.” He continues lowly. “You’re right. I could never just get over losing you. You mean too much to me.”

This time, it’s your turn to swallow the sudden dryness in your throat. You had only thought he had heard you the other day, but this just confirms it.

“Losing you is my greatest fear,” his voice catches, as if the mere thought of it is simply too much for him to bear. At the way his eyes shine with a newfound horror, you know that it is. “Seeing you bleeding out like that, with- with-“ his whole body begins to tremble as he squeezes his eyes shut, the first of his tears falling as the memory consumes him once more, “with arrows piercing your back terrified me. I thought-“ he rubs his face with his hands, taking a deep breath to attempt to calm himself as his eyes remain closed for the moment. “When I saw you hunched over like that, I thought you were dead.”

Your expression falls as you watch his whole body tremble before you.

“All I could think was that it was my fault. I couldn’t protect you. I failed you.” He chokes on his breath. “Then, you moved, and all I could think about was that you could die at any moment. The fact that you seemed to care so little for your own life drove me insane.” He takes another shaky breath in as he meets your gaze. “How could you not realize how precious you are? Not just to me, but to all of us?”

You remain quiet, allowing him to finish his own thoughts for the moment as he looks back down at his intertwined hands.

“Seeing you laying there on the table, bleeding out with that damned poison running through your veins only made it worse. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, and all I could do was blame myself for ever letting you get in harms way,” he says, eyes falling shut once more. “I couldn’t help but to think that maybe, if I had just suggested doing something else, or even if I had just kept my mouth shut, you wouldn’t be greeting death like an old friend right in front of my very eyes. You would have never been in danger. You would have never gotten hurt.”

“And then to hear you say that,” his whole body tenses. “To hear you brushing everything off as if you were fine, and that you weren’t minutes away from death had me terrified. How could you be so calm? Why would you use your energy to reassure us when you could collapse at any moment? Were you not worried for yourself?”

“So, I got angry. Angry at the lack of care you seemed to have for yourself. Angry at the way you seemed to not want us to worry about you, despite everything going on. Angry that you would seemingly be okay with throwing away your own life, and not recognizing how important you are to us. To me.” He blinks, shifting his gaze to meet your own once more. “I wasn’t angry that you protected a child. I was angry at the fact that you got hurt protecting a child when I was supposed to be the one protecting you.”

“I never meant a word I said to you, and I have regretted them ever since,” he stares deeply into your eyes, tears falling from his own. “I had no right to speak to you how I did. I had no right to allow my fear to control my anger like that, and take it out on you. You are not stupid, and you most certainly are not a burden. You never were, and you never will be.”

You swallow thickly.

“I hate knowing that I ever made you feel that way,” his voice trembles, and suddenly, he can no longer meet your gaze. “I made those voices return. I did that to you.” His whole body begins to shake as more tears escape his eyes as he squeezes them shut once more, hands coming up to tangle in his hair. “I’m sorry.” He chokes on a sob. “I’m so, unbelievably sorry.”

“From the bottom of my heart, and with everything that I am,” meeting your gaze right now is the hardest thing he’s ever done in his entire life as a shame unlike any other washes over him, “I sincerely apologize for everything that I have done that has hurt you.”

“There is no greater regret in my entire life knowing that I’ve ruined everything, and I will spend however long it takes making it up to you. I will never stop wanting to make things right. I am so, deeply in love with you, that I cannot survive without you.”

You stretch out your legs in front of you, turning your body to sit on the edge of the chaise as you face him fully.

“So, please-“ he falls to his knees, scared that you’re about to up and leave him again for the time being as he reaches across to you, hands clinging desperately onto your sides as he collapses on top of your thighs. “Please, do whatever you want with me. Hate me. Yell at me. Hit me until you are satisfied. Just whatever you do, please don’t go back to ignoring me.” More tears spill down his cheeks as he inhales a shaky breath, voice muffled as he presses his face further into you. “I don’t know if I can survive that.”

A moment of silence settles over the both of you as he sobs into your stomach, arms coming to wrap around your torso as he clings onto you for dear life. You say nothing, opting to take a deep breath in to steady your nerves.

Only, Seonghwa perceives it as a disappointed sigh, sobbing harder into you as he tightens his grip around your waist.

“Please,” he begs. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, My Divine, please-“

Like a broken record, Seonghwa keeps repeating those few words to you, pleading desperately for you not to go. To not leave him, or go back to ignoring him. He wants you to know how sincere he is in both his words and actions, knowing that he would even cut his own beating heart out of his chest as long as it meant your happiness.

“Seonghwa,” the way you breathe his name sets a whole new round of sobs wracking his chest. The moment he feels your hand come up to begin threading your fingers through his hair, his whole body begins to shake. “You didn’t ruin everything. You did not ruin anything.”

His whole chest shakes with the weight of his sobs, and you can feel him pressing his fingers harder into the skin of your back. Almost as if he’s grounding himself to you in this moment, like you may slip through his grasp. As if to prove to himself that this is real.

“I appreciate your honesty,” you say, continuing to softly thread your fingers through his hair in comfort. “Now, are you ready for mine?”

Again, he nods vigorously against your stomach, eyes squeezing shut as he prepares himself for the worst.

You take a deep breath in.

“First of all, I would like to apologize to you-“

“My Divine, you have no reason to apologize to me-“

“I have just as much reason to apologize to you when I purposely hurt you in the same ways that I got upset at you for hurting me.” You reply.

He remains quiet.

“I was frustrated, and upset,” you continue, staring straight ahead as you feel him shift his gaze to stare up at you for the moment.

“You had every right to be.”

“That doesn’t make what I said okay, Hwa,”

He cannot help the way his heart stutters a beat in his chest. You called him Hwa again.

“I didn’t mean it. I want you to know that,” your fingers still in his hair. “I was being my typical, extremely hypocritical self, and I knew it. Yet, I still said it to hurt you.”

You take a moment to pause.

“I-“ you exhale a long breath through your nose. “It’s the people that we care about the most that can shatter us the quickest.”

His breath hitches.

“The reason, Seonghwa, that I broke down the way I did after what you said to me is because I care.” You swallow the sudden dryness in your throat as you feel him go completely still in your grip. “I care about you. All of you, and every logical part of me tells me that I shouldn’t, given the circumstances, but I still do. I have never had someone treat me, let alone desire me as you all do, and if I’m being honest with myself, it fucking terrifies me.”

Finally, you spare a glance down into his eyes, and you notice his wide gaze staring completely captivated by you for the moment.

“It terrifies me because, selfishly, I do not want to lose any of it.” Your voice drops to a mere whisper, as if ashamed of what you’re admitting to him at this very moment. “I have gone through most of my life with those voices in my head telling me that I am not good enough. I have never believed anyone could ever want me, let alone love me as unconditionally as you all do. I have always believed that I’ve had to earn people’s affection, lest they see me as a burden.”

Fresh tears spring to your eyes as you attempt to keep your voice from shaking.

“I-“ your voice catches in your throat. “I have always felt alone because I never wanted to burden others with my problems, or my presence. It’s gotten better over the past few years, but-“ you swallow, averting your gaze to the side to see Kuroo already staring as intently at you as Seonghwa is. You close your eyes. “That is not the first time I have almost greeted death like an old friend.”

Seonghwa’s reaction is immediate, that same fear flashing in his eyes as he’s instantly sitting on the chaise beside you and pulling you into his arms. Your head rests on his chest as his one hand comes to support the back of your head, cradling you to him gently. 

A tear lands on your cheek that is not your own as your hand clings desperately to the material of his shirt.

“After my sister lost her child, I can’t count the amount of times I found her close to her own death,” you whisper, afraid that if the words are any louder, your voice may crack. “I blamed myself each and every time. How could I not notice the signs? I wasn’t there for her enough when she needed me. Not to mention how those voices just made everything worse. I was useless, stupid, and my family was already stretched thin enough with my sister that I couldn’t burden them with my own problems. Mine seemed trivial in comparison, anyways. If I didn’t even care about myself, why should they?”

You can feel his grip tighten around you, pulling you closer into his chest.

“My own death does not scare me, but seeing that same fear I know has always been reflected on my own face paint itself over my sister’s features when she found me terrified me unlike anything before.” The first of your tears begin to fall. “To this day, I am the biggest hypocrite I know. I made her promise me that she would continue living, to continue fighting, and I couldn’t even keep that same promise to her.”

“That’s when we both swore to each other that we would get through this together, and we did.” Your eyes fall shut. “To this day, she was the only one that knew, and I cannot help but still think about if she didn’t find me that day, or if I didn’t find her all those times first. So, of course I’m going to prioritize someone else’s life over mine, especially if that someone is a child. I know the effects first hand of what losing one could mean. Besides, my life will never be as important as someone else’s.”

Seonghwa goes so still that you swear he’s stopped breathing.

“Do you-“ he swallows his emotions, throat going dry, “do you really believe that?” His chest tightens, heart squeezing painfully as another tear falls from his eye. “Do you really believe that your life is worth less than someone else’s?”

Your lips part briefly with a response before you promptly shut them. Your silence speaks volumes.

Then, you’re uttering the words that break Seonghwa’s heart anew this evening, voice barely above a whisper, “It always has been.”

“My Divine,” he chokes on a sob, “you must know that that’s not true. Not even in the slightest.”

You remain silent.

“Please,” he practically whimpers, “you have to realize that your life is just as important as, if not more important than anyone else’s.”

“I understand that I should realize that, and I do at times,” you reply softly. “It’s just when it comes down to it, I cannot help but prioritize others over me. If I can save others from pain, I would rather take it all than see someone I care about get hurt.”

“But what about how we feel when we see you in pain?” His whole body shakes, grip tightening once more around your body. “Do you not realize how that hurts us?”

“I realize that now,” you respond earnestly. “Believe me, I do.”

“Then why-“

“I have gone my whole life following this mentality, Seonghwa. You cannot expect me to change a fundamental part of who I am just like that,” you sigh. “My insecurities are every bit a part of me as my confidence, just as my depression is every bit a part of me as my happiness. Some days are better than others, and I can reason with myself. Other times, the voices win. I can manage them a lot better now, but my biggest insecurity, my biggest fear is always at the back of my mind. It’s why I cannot go back there again.”

You can tell he wants to ask. So badly does he want to know, to be able to comfort you and reassure you in every and any way he can. Only, you’re speaking before he gets a chance to.

“Listen, Seonghwa,” you let out another sigh, “I know you want to know, and I’m always a strong believer in reciprocating vulnerability when it is shown to me. However, this is a part of me that I am not ready to share with any of you yet. It’s not an easy subject for me to talk about with anybody, and I don’t readily do so often. I need you to understand though, that it’s not because I do not trust you. I do trust you, Seonghwa. I trust all of you. I trust you all with my life. I am simply not ready to share such a part of me with any of you yet.”

“I want you to know, though, that there is a reason I always reply with ‘I believe you’ to you all.” You tell him. “As much as that phrase if for you, it’s also for me as well.”

“I understand, My Divine.” You feel him nod against your head. “I understand.”

“Thank you,” you breathe, feeling a small weight lifting off of your shoulders. Then, after a moment, you add, “for everything.”

He blinks, squeezing you tighter to his chest as he places his lips onto the top of your head. Allowing his eyes to flutter shut, Seonghwa inhales deeply, breathing in your scent and revelling in this moment here with you.

“Of course, My Divine,” he mumbles against the top of your head. “I love you, and I will always care for you. Even if I don’t always know how to properly express it sometimes.”

You chuckle at that, lips twitching upwards in the corners. “I believe you.”

You can feel him smile against you, whole body nearly relaxing until you feel him stiffen beneath your hold.

“I, uh,” he stammers, shifting slightly as his grip loosens around your body, “I did it again, didn’t I?”

“Did what?” You quirk a brow, tilting your head up to look at him as you wipe at your dried tears with the back of your hand.

“This,” he replies, eyes flicking down to your form wrapped in his embrace as he chews on his bottom lip.

You chuckle, “Hwa, if I didn’t want to be held, or even touched by you, I would have told you to get off of me a long time ago.”

“Oh,” his lips part slightly in mild surprise, a bashful smile stretching across his features. “This is okay, then?”

Really, it warms your heart more than you care to admit that he’s taking the time to consider your comfortability right now after everything.

“Of course,” you nod slightly. “Though, can we lay down, my back is getting kind of stiff-“

Instantly, you’re laying down in the chaise, his arms wrapped securely around your body as he holds you to his chest.

The giggle that you release is music to his ears.

“Someone’s eager,” you tease, curling yourself further into him to make yourself more comfortable.

“I will not lie to you, My Divine,” his voice is a bit breathless as he replies to you, ‘I have been fantasizing about holding you in my arms for quite a long time.”

“Well, if it wasn’t obvious before,” you smile faintly, hearing the way his heart begins to race within his chest, “you may stay. At least, for a little while.”

“I promise you I won’t fuck things up this time,” he responds earnestly.

“You better not,” you tease him, poking at his chest quite firmly with your finger and noticing once more how not all of his buttons have been done up. “Next time, I definitely won’t be as forgiving.”

His breath hitches in his throat, eyes shining as he looks down at you in his arms, noticing how you’re already staring up at him with a knowing look.

“You mean…?”

“Yes, Mars,” you hum, and you feel his whole body go still beneath you. “I forgive you.”

“I-“ he blinks, swallowing the sudden dryness in his throat. “Are you sure?”

“Do you not want me to forgive you?” Your brow quirks as you continue to stare up at him.

“Of course I do, I just-“

“Do you think I would perform for just anyone, Mars?” You tilt your head slightly as you smile up at him softly. “It will have to be an effort on both of our parts, but I am willing to try if you are.”

Once more, his lips are back on the top of your head, gracing the skin of your forehead as he presses you as close to his body as he can. A soft rumble shakes his chest, and you already know his answer without him saying it.

“Thank you,” his voice is raw, strained from the intense emotions he’s feeling in this very moment. Gratitude, happiness, but more than all of that, love floods his veins as he holds you to him. “My Divine, thank you.”

Slowly, your one hand slides beneath the opening of his shirt to rest directly over his heart, feeling the way it thunders beneath your touch as a pleasant shiver caress his spine. You meet his gaze, fresh tears shining in his eyes as you smile up at him softly.

“I swear to you I will not let you down,” nothing but sincerity is reflected in his fond gaze as he stares deeply into your eyes.

“I believe you,” you hum, settling back against him with your head on his chest.

A small silence surrounds the both of you, and you notice Kuroo looking back out at the desert once more. His tail swishes languidly as he sits, perched on the railing of your balcony as you are more than content to rest in Seonghwa’s arms for the moment. You even go so far as to gently rub your thumb against the skin of his chest, loving the way you can feel his heart still racing beneath the palm of your hand.

A pleasant shiver runs up his spine.

“My Divine, you must know how such a simple touch from you tests my every last bit of control,” his voice rumbles out, the subtle hints of a growl to his tone.

You giggle. “Then, I guess we’re even.”

You can tell your words catch him by surprise at the way he says nothing in response.

“You’re the one who showed up tonight looking like this,” you emphasize your words by trailing your hand a little further along his chest, causing his shirt to fall open the slightest bit more. “Not to mention you smell incredible.”

Taking another deep breath, your eyes flutter shut, practically moaning as the scent of mahogany teakwood invades your every sense.

“Nothing is more attractive to me than someone who both looks and smells nice,” you sigh wistfully, a smile tugging onto your lips.

Seonghwa cannot deny the way his whole body heats at your words, a low growl building in his chest as your praise washes over him. Finally, he’s done something right.

Now, if only he could cover you in him. Oh, how he longs for the day where he can absolutely drench you in his scent, and him in you.

“I always live to please you,” his voice rumbles out, low and sultry as his eyes hood over.

You do not fail to catch the double meaning of his words.

“All in due time, Seonghwa,” you chuckle, a grin to your lips as you settle against him. Your eyelids flutter shut. “All in due time.”

[jennyun-sooyun]

My Critique/Thoughts/Rant about Rayman

(Leading up to "Captain Laserhawk")

I know! Random…

But this has been on my mind since I saw Captain Laserhawk, which I'm going to say off the bat that I don't like it but to each their own.

But that's not the focus. (Cyberpunk Edgerunners was miles better)

The focus is on the character, Rayman.

Now, I know what some of you are going to be thinking…I might be hearing comments like:

"You're just letting nostalgia blind you."

"Get over it, it was the right direction, you're just old!"

Yes, I've been playing Rayman since it came out on the PS1, then onward to Rayman: The Great Escape and Hoodlum Havoc. He is my all time favorite character growing up as a kid. I even played the stupid (misused) Rabbids idea of "Rayman 4" being robbed from us of the original concept -- and turned into a cheap party Wii mini game instead.

(I did not play Origins or Legends from here -- I did not like the direction personally)

But now on the direction of the character, I just felt it had all gone downhill since the Rabbids. I didn't mind the concept of the Rabbids existing, it's how they WROTE them in the same space with Rayman. I feel like they just made the Rabbids the main characters/protagonist(s), but not Rayman himself. Then reusing the character into the Captain Lazerhawk show that way…

I felt his character was just GREATLY disrespected, and the fans of Rayman (or what's left of us) were not given that respect either in a way for our limbless hero.

NOW! I am NOT against Rayman's ending where he turned into "Ramone" -- but it's HOW he got there.

Like…seriously?

….

Rayman…resorting to alcoholism, drugs, etc, and resorting to acting like a pathetic loser who wanted to be a desperate people pleaser? Say what you want but I feel that's just almost completely out of character for him. I feel like the writers just wanted to write him in a way for the sake of being edgy/modern -- or "Hey, this is what a lot of character nowadays are written like for the sake of making it an adult show!"

Listen, listen, that's just MY take on it, okay.

If it's any other character besides Rayman, I'd be totally fine with it -- because it'll just be another tragic character in another show.

…

First of all, Rayman was NEVER really a simp-y people pleaser in that sense. I wouldn't think he'd be the kind of character to be on TV for Eden to appeal to people, or even care to go up on stages for any other reason other than just messing around.

If anything, the character would've been relieved to hear that he could finally get some peace and sleep, because he kept being interrupted every time something happens. In many cases, he just wants it done and out and he could go back to sleeping in his favorite spots seen in Rayman 1-3. He was always dragged into the fray.

…But fine, let's go with the original plot of Laserhawk and do it anyway.

That's just the start of it.

As the story progresses, I felt the writing was really lackluster and the characters acting…like something from a typical teenage fanfiction instead of something people would do in that situation -- with the scene of Rayman losing his temper with Red. Or days when Rayman got depressed and became an alcoholic.

Rayman alone succumbing to addictions such as cocaine, alcohol and trying to bang a cow lady was just…extremely out of character for someone like him.

In all cases, Rayman was the type of character who didn't let that take him and always surmount the challenges despite how bleak things are -- like Rayman: The Great Escape.

This is coming from a guy who was kidnapped, enslaved and had seen his friends being tortured and trafficked while he could only watch.

Yet he was able to rise above the challenge and free his entire planet.

He always had the one mindset of just doing what he does and finding things to have fun with while he does it.

DON'T get me wrong, I like the direction of Rayman being taken advantaged of to further Eden's terrible plot, and I liked the idea of Rayman becoming "Ramone" to finish the job and save Bullfrog shooting up everyone there. He still cared and still ended as a hero despite everything -- I don't mind that at all.

That, I can sit with.

It's the fact of HOW he got there was just out of characters since the beginning, at least that's how it felt for me on that.

It'll be like seeing characters like Kirby/Spyro/Sonic/Crash Bandicoot suddenly becoming a coke snorting alcoholic who becomes a desperate people pleaser trying not to be forgotten. That's how off it looks. It's completely out of character. I get characters can shift and change over time depending on what happened to them -- but it still would defeat the purpose.

Characters listed above wouldn't have done that -- because they aren't supposedly like everyone else. The whole point is that they are PROTAGONISTS with stories centered on them on why they are the focus, people that rose above situations that average people can't. -- at least that's how I feel about the idea of these types of protagonists. They were heroes that did the impossible.

So, you're telling me Rayman, the man who had been through kidnapping, slavery, trafficking, and watching his friends get tortured in Rayman 2, ...was done in and went to drugs, sex and alcoholism over a fraud case, being framed, not getting attention, and media problems? AND just fell for some really gullbile bullshit that he got himself into uncharacteristically? Just saying. I get the context from Laserhawk but...really?

Listen, I like the end design. I like him going edgy. I like his Jakified transformation in some way. But the way he was written to get there is 90% what freaking matters.

I feel the use of Rayman was constantly been misunderstood as just a joke character -- but hey, it's Ubisoft.

Should I be surprised? Perhaps not.

Do I have the right to be disappointed as a fan? Yes.

Take it with a grain of salt.

This is just my thoughts about it. I'm not saying I'm right -- I'm just disagreeing with the direction of the character.

I just don't think Rayman himself would ever get himself in those situations, unless he was dragged in against his will.

I just feel Ubisoft just doesn't understand their characters…along with other things..

----------------------------

I'm just a girl who loves her limbless baby. Okay?

----

Edit:

Someone made a good, clear point that the premise and point of "Captain Laserhawk that it's to "discard what was initially thought of the IPs, and have them wipe clean of any prior history and into clean slates to rewrite them."

(Thank you for pointing this out)

That's somehow even worse.

Sounds like a lazy plot convenience/tool to make it an excuse to write characters without honoring and looking up the source material indepth -- and fulfill a different view of what they want the character to be like despite how it's uncharacteristic of the character itself.

A lot of modern writers are doing this to existing characters alot nowadays, which is pretty sad.

[yukachaan]

Found family anime recommendation list

I've been thinking about making this rec list for a while because found family is my absolute favorite trope, so this is really self indulging haha 🤭

these are just some of my personal favorites, but if you guys have more recommendations please add them!

(This list contains spoilers!)

1. Dororo- absolutely heartbreaking and beautiful. the two main characters, Dororo and Hyakkimaru, develop such a special and precious bond throughout the story, and what makes it even more interesting is that at the beginning, Hyakkimaru is not able to see, hear, or really communicate with Dororo, and he gets those abilities slowly throughout the story (through killing demons haha yes it's that kind of story), so it makes the development of their relationship really unique. Both of them don't have their actual families for different reasons, but I absolutely LOVE the familial relationship they develop!

2. spy x amily - everyone's new favorite family lol. I don't think I need to elaborate, I love the little family they've built. it's so cute how all three of them have their own selfish reasons to want to keep this family unit, but at the same time care so deeply (and obliviously) for each other, I love it! there's not a single character I dislike, there wasn't a single episode i was bored watching (so far). it's like the perfect found family - they found each other, and just created a family instantly haha. If for any reason you're still not watching this, you really really should

3. banana fish - ugh honestly it's hard to find words for this one, it's so so SO good, but also, watch at your own risk, it's been years and my heart still hasn't recovered. The relationship between the two main characters, Ash and Eiji, is so beautiful and touching and tender, and it's so satisfying to watch. Ash deserves all the love omg 😭 I love how they take care of each other, how it's obvious to everyone how much they love each other. and i hate how it ended but that's a talk for another time...

4. Run with the wind - ok so i think most sports anime have an aspect of found family - your teammates become kinda your family, and friendships and bonds are usually the main focus. but i think it's especially highlighted in run with the wind - it's a show about running a marathon, and it's in a university setting (which already makes it more interesting lol). i LOVE connections between the characters. here as well, there's not a single character i dislike. even king who i didn't really care about in the beginning, I grew to love so much by the end. and Haiji might be my favorite character of all times. like throughout all platforms, he's my favorite. he created this team and he made them a family and i just wish i had a haiji in my life, you know? 😭

5. march comes in like a lion - ok, so, this one is especially precious to me, and i think it's my favorite anime of all times. officially, the show is about a boy who plays shogi professionally, and it is a part of it, but there's so much more to this anime. I've never watched anything that handled depression, and the journey of getting better, in a more accurate way than this show. the main character, Rei, is an orphan, and has a really complicated life story. he meets these three sisters, and is kinda invited to be a part of their little family. the relationships in this show are so touching and tender, even when nothing sad was happening i found myself crying. the sisters basically adopt rei, and little by little help him heal some of his wounds. the visuals of this show are perfect, you can feel everything rei is feeling. the sisters' house feels warm and inviting, while other spaces feel cold and disconnected. it's brilliant. also, the show handles the different characters with so much care, you end up caring about them all. i can go on forever lol, it's a masterpiece.

6. kids on the slope - another brilliant show. this is a slice of life, and the focus is on the friendship of three teens in the 60's. i love this one because even though they all have families that play a part in the story, they still become like a family to one another. their relationships are so touching, and so realistic. it deals with jealousy and friendship and love and loneliness in such a realistic, relatable way. for example one of the boys gets really jealous when his friend gets a new friend, it makes him lash out in such an unreasonable way, but at the same time you can totally relate to what he's feeling, because like, which one of us hasn't been there, right? i really recommend! (Also, the music is absolutely fantastic!)

7. Umibe no Etranger- maybe some people would think this doesn't belong here, but i totally think that along with love, this movie is totally about found family 😊 the two main boys are both on their own, Mio because he was orphaned, and Shun because he lost connection with his family after coming out. throughout the story, they become each other's family and support system (especially if you keep reading the manga like i have hehe🤭). i love their relationship so much!

8. fruits basket - again, maybe it's not the main trope, but it's definitely very much there! tohru, who is left without a family, finds a new family in the form of the very dysfunctional sohma family, that cares about her immensely, while she also cares about them and helps them heal and break their curse. i never read the manga or watched the old anime, and i didn't expect this to be as deep and painful as it was, but honestly one of my favorite shows right now.

9. Poko's udon world - so! freaking! cute! is it a ploy to make people have families and kids? perhaps. do i care? nope. Poko is the cutest child character ever, and the parent-child relationship between sota and poco is so precious, this is the most literal definition of a found family lol- sota found poco and basically instantly adopted him. the story is really touching and cute!

10. Clannad + Clannad after story - ugh i don't know if I'm able to talk about this one again, as it makes my heart hurt. this is one of my all time favorites. i think even though it's a love story, above all else it's a story about family. i wasn't sure if it fits the "found family" category but decided it does. even before nagisa and tomoya get married, tomoya is basically adopted by nagisa's family. they take him in to allow him some distance from his father, and show him how happy and loving a family can be. Also, all the friendship in the story are meaningful and have a familial feel to them. throughout the show there's a lot of focus on the subject of family, which leads to the main characters creating their own new little family unit. if you've been living under a rock i must warn you, I've never cried this much while watching a show in my life. while the ending is a happy one (well... in a bizarre kind of way, i guess), there's so much pain throughout the whole show, it's overwhelming at times. still, it's so so good and i really recommend to give it a try! (please, get through the first season and get to Clannad after story, it's really worth it!)

11. Usagi drop- i also wasn't sure if this fits the found family category, as it deals with an actual family, but wth, it's my list i can do what i want lol. very sweet story about a guy who adopts his grandfather's 6 year old daughter when he dies (yes, his aunt, basically), when no one else in the family wants to take her in. it's very sweet, very touching. they slowly become a family, and he learns what it means to be a single parent, and what sacrifices he has to make (like getting demoted at his job so he'll have more time to take care of his kid). the show is very wholesome, but don't read the manga, as i heard it went in different, less wholesome directions.

12. kotaro lives alone- this show was a ride! i was expecting a silly show about a 4 year old boy who lives alone, and got a heartbreaking show about neglect and trauma. his neighbors become his family throughout the show, and come to love him a lot and take care of him, and their relationships are very entertaining and sweet. ngl, i cried a lot during this show. i do think it deals with some very triggering things, so you should check that before watching 😊

and.. that's it for now! these are the ones i thought about so far, please feel free to add your own recommendations! i would love to get more!

[aishangotome]

Alfons Sylvatica: Chapter 4

Chapter 3

♡———♡

It was all too routine, and for reasons I couldn't understand, I felt nauseous--.

Kate: ... Since you haven't been teasing me, I've had a very peaceful few days.

I gave him a pointed smile, laced with sarcasm.

Alfons: Well, well, I apologize for boring you.

Alfons: I can assure you tonight will be exciting.

Kate: How on earth did you interpret that as me being bored and wanting excitement?

Ellis: Ms. Kate, shush.

Alfons: That's right, Ms. Kate, shush.

Kate: ...

I was about to apologize to Ellis, but Alfons' unnecessary words made my nausea flare up again.

(Ugh, he's messing with me again)

(I need to focus, I'm on the job as a "Fairytale Keeper"!)

I somehow calmed myself down and switched gears to my assigned role.

Today's members were Ellis and Alfons.

The mission was to stake out the scene of a random slashing incident.

Ellis: It's about time. Let's hope the information Will got is accurate...

We hid ourselves in single file in a narrow alleyway.

Ellis stood in front of me, keeping watch on the main street from the alley's exit, and Alfons stood close behind me like a shadow.

(It's dark, so it's inevitable that we have to stay close so we don't lose sight of each other... but...)

(Isn't he too close...? Am I being too conscious of it?)

The various perfume scents wafting from Alfons behind me made my heart race again.

(Where, with whom, and what did he do... to smell like this?)

Various imaginations started to run wild in my head...

(...Focus!)

As if to shake them off, I desperately strained my eyes towards the street where the incident was supposed to have taken place.

In the dimly lit street, I could sense the presence of several people.

Small children, emaciated men... most of them were homeless, sleeping and living on the streets.

My heart ached terribly to witness these people who had fallen through the cracks of London's prosperity, unable to lead ordinary lives.

As someone who came from a humble background, their situation felt all too real to me.

(This city is overflowing with people, and the wealth to be shared is limited... life is not equal)

(Even so, they live each day desperately)

(And yet...)

I couldn't believe someone would indiscriminately kill such people.

(Why... what's the purpose?)

The disgust I felt when I saw the mountain of black corpses surged up again.

A feeling that was neither sad nor painful filled my chest.

(But...)

Suddenly, I realized something.

(After the last mission, I was so preoccupied with Alfons...)

(I hardly thought about that incident at all...)

(Thanks to that, my heart felt lighter, but)

(It seems like my thoughts were drifting towards the easy path... it's complicated--)

Alfons: Kate.

Kate: Huh!?

My body jumped in surprise when my name was called right behind my ear.

(Ah...)

Just that passionate voice easily triggered a flashback in my mind.

The "night" when Alfons called my name over and over again as my phantom lover.

Alfons: Ah, what a cute reaction.

Kate: Alfons... I was thinking about things, so please don't disturb me!

Alfons: That's why I disturbed you. So that you would think about me.

Kate: ...?

Alfons: There are many things in this world that you can't do anything about even if you face them head-on.

Alfons: Don't you think it's foolish to get hurt by facing everything head-on?

(I feel like I've heard something similar before...)

-flashback to dining room-

Alfons: Well, isn't it better not to know about such troublesome things?

Alfons: More importantly...

Alfons: Kate, is it okay? Not hiding this here?

-flashback to kitchen-

Alfons: Isn't it better to have your head full of pleasant and enjoyable things?

Alfons: Keep your mind preoccupied of me like that.

-end of flashbacks-

(He always seems to bother me when I'm worried and depressed...)

My thoughts stopped abruptly, like stumbling on a stone.

(Wait... but why does he always bother me at the same time...?)

Ellis: Al, Kate.

Ellis, who had been staring intently at the street, oblivious to the minor squabble behind him, raised his voice.

As he turned his face, which had been directed towards Alfons, back to the street...

Man on the street: Guh...

Along with a crushed sound, I hear something spilling onto the road.

(Huh...?)

Several men in black coats are on the street... and a figure collapsed on the roadside.

The men are chasing after the slum dwellers who are screaming and trying to escape, in a grotesque manner.

Like they're hunting.

(Ah... that's...)

The target of the mission - the one we're supposed to capture.

I understand that, but my body won't move, like a stone.

The black shadows attack the slum dwellers in groups, swinging their knives at the defenseless people.

It was literally hell.

Alfons: Hmm, quite a frenzy, isn't it?

Alfons: This is more of a massacre than a random attack.

--CHOICES-- We have to help him

How can you be so calm?

Is this real?

--------------

Kate: Is this... reality...?

Alfons: Yes, unfortunately.

Ellis: Al and I will restrain everyone, so Kate, you stay here.

Ellis' figure, leaping into the darkness, quickly disappears from sight.

(H-Here...? Alone...?)

In that world ruled by violence, there's nothing I can do.

I can't even be of help to the two of them, let alone save anyone. I'm completely useless.

I should stay here--even though I know that, the fear of being left alone makes my body tremble.

(But, yeah, that's right.)

(I can't record the sins if I don't watch properly.)

(But...)

My instincts were clearly rejecting the idea of watching this scene any longer.

Alfons: Oh dear, oh dear, how pitiful.

A hand smoothly touches the nape of my neck.

(Ah...)

At that moment, I realized that I wanted to cling to the touch of that palm, which I had been so wary of.

Alfons: "What you are seeing is a play."

--His voice spreads through my head like an erosion.

Alfons: "That bright red stuff is fake blood."

Alfons: "Tonight, Ellis and I came here to see a play."

Alfons: "Until we return... in this seat, you will enjoy the breathtaking action."

-

Suddenly, a floating sensation washed over me--and I was in a theater.

(...Wow, I've never seen acting like this before.)

I was captivated by the bloody tragedy unfolding before my eyes.

The overflowing blood, the scattered pieces of flesh, the expressions of agony on the verge of death... It didn't seem like a play at all.

Alfons: Hehe... Well then, I'll be going.

It was Alfons who spoke to me, as I was mesmerized by the stage.

Kate: Yes... Have a good time.

(But, where are you going? We came to see the play together...)

I saw my puzzled face reflected in his eyes as he peered at me.

While our eyes met, he smiled and gracefully lifted the corner of his lips.

Alfons: Please give your lover an encouraging kiss.

(...That's right. Alfons and I are lovers...)

Kate: Yes, of course.

I kissed his smiling lips, as if sending off a lover who was going out.

Kate: Mmm...

With a light "chu" sound, our lips touched, and his hand, which had been on the nape of my neck, moved away.

He headed towards the stage, which was so stained with blood that the original color of the floor was unrecognizable--

(Oh... Alfons is going on stage too. Amazing!)

(Wow... Ellis is amazing too.)

(When Ellis touches their heads, all the men's wrists stick together as if they're tied up.)

(Ah, people are falling down just by Alfons whispering...!)

Kate: Even so...

Kate: It's a very realistic play.

Even though I knew it was acting, the angry shouts of the men and the screams of the people being attacked made my heart shrink, and my heart was beating at an incredible speed with fear and anxiety.

When the knife almost grazed Alfons, I felt a chill down my spine even though it was happening on stage.

(I like watching plays, but...)

(This time, I wish it would end soon...)

My heart has been pounding since a while ago.

(It's scary... I don't want to watch it.)

(...It's the first time I've ever felt this way about a play.)

(But--why am I at a play with these two tonight...?)

A sudden sense of discomfort washed over me.

As I clutched my heart through my clothes...

Alfons: Kate.

Kate: !

I looked up to find Alfons and Ellis standing beside me.

Alfons: How did you like our play?

Ellis: Play... Oh, right.

Ellis: Yeah, how was it, Kate?

Kate: It was amazing... but,

Kate: Even though I knew it was acting, I was so anxious that my heart felt like it was going to burst...

I wanted to make sure my lover was safe, so I hugged Alfons tightly.

Alfons: .........

(Thank goodness. I can hear Alfons' heartbeat...)

I could finally breathe after confirming that his heart was beating regularly.

When I tried to let go, Alfons tightened his arms around me.

Alfons: I'm sorry to have worried you.

Alfons: ...Tonight, I'll stay by your side until you feel safe.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Chapter 4 Premium Story

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[2dboisloyal-devotee]

Trying to distract myself my hand at this stuff first time, and want to see how it goes.

I'm so guilty of doing this exactly even tho i love them because uh um to guilt trip myself? yeah.

Warning: yandere?? obsession, jealousy, all around depressed traveler time hahah

Long Abandoned

The traveler may be the hero(/ine) of Tevyat, but there's just no value if they're not your main character anymore...

They hate feeling helpless like this. The envy could only gnaw at their core deeper as they merely watch how you switch between characters, having the others to stand on a high pedestal of your best team.

There's few who share their feelings, but even the others, have more turns than them to be picked in the judgement of your hand.

“It should've been me.”

At first, it was such a great honor and responsibility that fell upon their small shoulders to bear your presence through them, as the unraveller of the stories and dialogues, as the one who does fishing with you, as the one who take actions in cutscenes... Many others even get jealous yet amazed at them at the same time.

But now, they are all mere dull chances, further pointing out their inability. They ache for you to use them in battle, for your hand choose them yourself. Not to only be shrouded by your eyes feasting upon their prowess but to feel the high and compassion they once got from being controlled around. Like the first time... When it was only between them, and you.

They're only your puppet on a string, but that's exactly why and they felt the most alive to be moved by you...

The traveler does time to time take notes of the characters you usually use, is it from their designs, behavioral patterns, or their stories that intrigue you so much?

They have all of that! They're not just plain cardboard characters They have depth too, for goodness sake they're literally your first five-star character! Don't they matter to you? ...they should be, but it's the fact that you see them as if they aren't worthy of your attention/respect to be used ever again—it's undeniable and simply says everything about them.

They know they shouldn't be despising those others who are so lucky (they can feel the others looking with pity and mock), it's your only rightful choice after all... They try to focus more on the shameful part of their feelings and wallowing in self pity, it helps them cope with the reality sometimes.

They know the others stuck out like a sore thumb yet colorful cast to you, compared to them...

If you're the one who doesn't have any intention of using them ever again simply because they're not to your interest, well... what can they do? As much as they want to rebel, they are pretty much powerless against the program.

(They still look out for any of the slightest chances and slip-ups of the code, they use anything they find to their advantage.)

If you're the one who had fun using them, who still like them even to this moment but for some reason won't use them, well... at least they still have a place to belong in your heart and mind, somewhere...

Ah, but trust them! They still always do their utmost best and give it their all (as much as they could in looking like that anyway) on simply being viewpoints through the lens of you for a minute or so at the dialogues.

Even if they may pass as an afterthought or a second choice, that's okay, it's maybe just their time coming at a later but fitting moment.

They won't stop having hope (and resorting to drastic measures) for those good times to return. Nothing they wouldn't do if it's for your blessings... after all, they're vital for those 'archon quests' to progress the story aren't they?

[shantechni]

Speaking of 03 and Last Ronin, I went on a little memory resurface journey of an episode that the latter reminded me of. Same As It Never Was

The idea of a dark, hardened, gritty Mikey and the rest of the turtles dead with an Oroku taking over the city, I was like “Oh my god, like that episode! Maybe it’s based/inspired by it. I wanna watch that again.”

So I do, and when key differences popped up I’m like “oh yeah! So maybe not as inspired as I thought 😅”

Oh yeah, this is one of the turtles sent across time and space eps not just a “what if dark future?”, so one turtle is still their usual self, and it’s Donnie! Yup, there’s one armed gruff Mikey, oh yeah the other two aren’t dead. Oh yeah, Leo has a closer look to TLR Mikey because of his black trenchcoat and single sword. Oh wait, all the future turtles die at the end, leaving one survivor, maybe that’s partly why I thought TLR was inspired by it.

It’s probably just the fact that dark future iterations of things tend to have similar beats. Dark environment, dead friends/family, main baddie took over, dark clothes, significant injury, etc…

Side note: I forgot how much I liked that episode. I like me some dark future stuff. Future Leo and Raph start arguing and Donnie puts a stop to it by just whacking them both to the ground with his staff 😂. And Raph hugs him because that’s when he reveals to them he’s there! 😭

I'd like to believe there's some bit of inspiration taken from that episode, or more likely the IDW issues that precede TLR and focus on Mikey's conflicts, or even just slightly from the Mirage issue Sons of the Silent Age (which was also funnily enough adapted in the '03 series). A dark future where either all, some, or just one of the turtles are fighting for whatever they have left and for the name or sake of what, or who, has been lost is something we see used quite a lot in almost all iterations. Even the Rise series briefly but beautifully utilizes that common plot point as one of the building blocks of its film, just without the whole Oroku evil reign bit or the heavy focus on Mikey's emotional and physical wear from the events going on around him.

I absolutely loved that episode too btw, and I remember the slow realization hitting me when I got to that arc and started approaching Donnie's episode😭I wasn't prepared even though I knew exactly what would happen, but man was it good. Mikey went through a somewhat depressing journey himself with Splinter turning evil, but it's nowhere near what Donnie had to experience. The kid got dropped off in a post-apocalyptic version of his home, ran into a battle hardened version of his younger brother, was led to the grave of his father, learns that his other brothers have a strained relationship after his supposed disappearance (he could've died and they just never knew😭😭), then pulls them all into their final fight and watches them fall one by one to the hands of their enemies. And then April, omg, she literally lost them all in a single day-

It's a well remembered episode for a reason but it's so depressing just to think about lol.

[leviosatothestars]

We’re going to ignore the fact that I absolutely forgot today is Remus’ birthday and instead I’m going to post something in honor of him :).

The concept of my fanfiction is how Tom Riddle/Voldemort’s reign had an affect on four different generations of women and the people they all loved. I’m white and grew up in a primarily white suburban town so I don’t feel like I’d be able to give women of color the justice they deserve, which is why the main characters are all white (Irish and Italian heritage).

People of color are prevalent in the story, including one of my other OCs and canonically POC in the Wizarding World. I don’t think anyone’s identities should be stripped from them, even if it’s a popular headcanon amongst the fandom and not canon.

Almost all of my OCs, even the ones that are not main characters, either are neurodivergent or have a disability and it plays a major role in their life because mental & chronic illnesses truly are that way. I myself am neurodivergent and chronically ill and I wanted more representation for people in these communities. It also doesn’t help that so many of the characters in the actual books/movies are obviously mentally ill and the “creator” (I will not say her name unless I’m ranting about how much I don’t like her) did not shine light onto how to help people with depression, anxiety, PTSD, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, or any other mental illness.

I am also very anti Dumbledore and Snape and that’s prevalent in the fanfic as well. In my opinion, neither are good people, they are both very morally grey in a way that I cannot support (I say this because Mattheo Riddle is morally grey and I love him). I am a Percy Weasley supporter though and I hope people can understand why in my interpretation of him (he’s still very much like his canon self).

Oh, and most of the characters in my fanfic are LGBTQ+, including almost all of my OCs. In the Golden Trio era of the story there’s actually a friend group one of the main characters of that gen that’s only queer characters, from all four houses. That friend group holds a very special place in my heart because I’m sort of inspired by my hometown friend group.

I wanted my fanfic to have a heavier focus on characters that either didn’t not get enough attention in the movies or books or haven’t really in the fandom, such as: Oliver Wood, Emmeline Vance, Xenophilius Lovegood, Edgar Bones, Emma Vanity, Lucinda Talkalot, Seamus Finnigan, Dean Thomas, Charlie Weasley, and Adrian Pucey. Fan favorites such as the Marauders, Fred & George Weasley, Luna Lovegood, Neville Longbottom, Cedric Diggory, Theodore Nott, Lorenzo Berkshire, Regulus Black, and the Valkyries make an appearance or are central to this story.

I began writing this fanfiction in 2020, which was when I first watched the movies (I am not a Draco girly though and missed out on most of Dracotok), so my interpretation on some of these characters may be different than most of the Marauders fandom. Over time, I have tried to include different pieces of the fandom’s headcanons on the Marauders era characters (and Theo), but it’s still not the same because it’s my interpretation.

Some point soon I plan on posting a list of every character that appears in the fanfiction, which is nowhere near finished because my mind hops between the four gens whenever I write 😂, and I will be categorizing them by their Hogwarts houses.

I am very excited to introduce you all to the family of women in this story, their friends, and their love interests as well as explaining the lore of this Pureblood house that is not part of the Sacred 28.

[thank-squibler-io]

You never know what goes on behind closed doors.

As of maybe two minutes ago I just finished watching the second season of Ginny and Georgia and I feel like one of the main themes of the show is that you never know what is going on behind closed doors, you never really know what other people are going through in their life beyond what you can see at face value. And all of the show really but season two especially focus’s on that theme. My favorite example is ep. 8 & 9 when we see the world through Marcus’s pov in his depressive episode and then we see the same time frame from Ginny’s pov and what’s going on with Gil and her emotions and feelings. If your looking through the millers perspective (which is the most shown in s1) then Cynthia is an influential Karen, Zach is a bully, and Abby is a just jealous friend. But as a viewer you can see later that Cynthia’s husband and Zach’s dad is dying before their eyes and that Abby’s parents are getting divorced but the characters cant see any of that because it’s behind closed doors. Just like ginny couldn’t see Marcus’s depression and max couldn’t see any of the shit going down in the miller household. But I love that they don’t change the characters when this information is revealed, like yes I’m sure Georgia has a newfound sympathy for cynthia but shes still Georgia at the end of the day and they weren’t friendly yet when she found out so her crappy reaction to it all makes sense for her character. The same applies to max at the beginning of season two when she completely blows finding out about Ginny and Marcus out of proportion (personal opinion) in reality it never really had anything to do with her, sure she had a relationship with them both as best friend and brother respectively but it didn’t involve or affect her at all if they had a relationship. And going into season two we can see how much max’s grudge-holding-silent-treatment-meltdown hurts Ginny but especially Abby and how hard she try’s to get back into her good graces but max just doesn’t see it (partly because max is admittedly self centered and was holding a New England sized grudge at the time) but also because a lot of the ways her silent treatment/lack of friends effected them was behind those damn doors.

[ceoofhelaegon]

In HOTD the “prequel” episodes should’ve been confined to 3 instead of 5 and those 2 episodes should’ve been spent with the green kids, specifically Aegon (older Aegon).

He’s our 2nd main character and we know NOTHING about him going into S2 and the main action other then he’s a r***st and a pos.

All his canon character traits like going to flea bottom, alcoholism, whoring, being a sex addict and a libertine, being depressed over his inheritance etc are all either just implied, hinted to or viewers heard from the books or actor interviews. For most of us it’s the books. If you only watched the show you know nada.

On the other hand we spent SO MUCH TIME with Daemon. We saw what he casually gets up to, kinda a view his daily life, we got to know him in what I even think was too much screen time. He’s an important character but not a main character so the most time should’ve been spent on rhaenyra (5+ episodes of focus) and Aegon (10 minutes max of screen time and in 90% of that we just see him and don’t get to know him at all or it’s already the main action)

We also spent so much time with Leanor who hardly has any significance in the Dance or later events.

We spent so much time on the Stepstones debacle even tho it has little to no contribution to the main plot other then one mention of the triarchy during the dance. The stepstones plot was done imo as a way to flesh out Daemon’s character and Daemon and viserys’s relationship.

But am I wrong when I say “was that really that important and crucial to take up 5 episodes?”

Look how unfair and unbalanced the info we have on rhaenyra vs Aegon is. We see rhaenyra grow up, we see an hour long well rounded view into her life, hardships, conflicts, friendships, etc that shape her into who she will be as a character and her behavior in the later action. By the time we see her in episode 8 and the real action begins she’s a character we’re already familiar with.

Instead we could’ve gotten a good 2 episodes looking into the daily lives of the green kids at the Keep. We could’ve seen Aegon in flea bottom, wandering drunk around the keep, being dragged out of brothels, partying, sneaking out at night, creeping around serving girls in a book canon way, slacking off training and lessons, bonding with or riding Sunfyre, his relationship with his siblings and family outside of only showing us the conflict parts

The whole thing with Daemon stems from “famous actor syndrome” meaning that if an actor less well known than Matt Smith was playing Daemon we wouldn’t be spending as much time with him.

GOT had Sean Bean, I was looking into the promo for GOT season 1 and it was only Sean Bean. GOT firstly attracted viewers because of him.

Kit Harrington and Sophie Turner talked about how all of the actors had to learn Sean Bean’s northern accent because Sean Bean couldn’t do RP.

I think the same could be applied to Matt Smith, without a shadow of a doubt he is the most famous actor in HoTD, and neither him or his fans would like to have him in the sidelines.

In regards to Rhaenyra, regardless of my feelings of the character, making her the protagonist was a mistake. She doesn’t survive the whole Dance, and her death occurs way too late to be like Ned Stark dying in season 1, so we would shift focus to other characters.

Alicent survives the whole Dance, her character is one of the most important to be build up for it. Cregan doesn’t do anything to her to avoid another war breaking out.

Targaryens are supposed to be otherworldly, if we got them through an outsider’s perspective it would make much more sense. Alicent seeing Rhaenyra flying on her dragon and seeing how insane this was, and how Rhaenyra saying that Alicent should ride with her would be a great set up.

Seeing how Targaryens only care about their own, no matter what they say is also a good way of seeing it through Alicent’s eyes.

Aegon, well…he should’ve been the focus of the narrative as soon as Rhaenyra leaves for Dragonstone. How does he feel about Rhaenyra? How does he feel about the fact that he was disinherited for no good reason? Those are the questions the show should be answering.

They have the skeleton of a story, finish the building, don’t knock it down and start from scratch because it never works.

[mgentamn]

movies i watched yesterday

yesterday i finally watched insidious the red door. im not sure what i expected but i was disappointed. i wasnt very engaged with the movie the way i am with others but from what i did see, i just wasn't impressed. when i was younger i always thought that insidious was 1 of the scariest horror movie franchises ever so i never watched any of them. anyways starting off. the part where the dad was in the mri machine and saw the thing crawling towards him was so stupid. like umm ok. and then the part when the main guy, i dont even remember his name was at the party and saw the guy throwing up everywhere. i mean ok that's kinda creepy i guess especially when he was telling him to close the door but other than that i was just bored. the part that made me the most irritated was the part when the song by tiny tim was playing. i was hoping that that would be left in the first movie. imo tiny tims songs are actually really good. I dont find his voice or songs to be creepy the way i used too when i first heard them. my whole problem with this movie is that they tried too hard to make it scary. like ok jumpscares and creepy music and songs by tiny tim. but at what point do ppl not get bored with that. like all horror movies after 2010 are basically the same. they're all so boring and repetitive and try too hard to be scary that they just end up not being scary at all. jumpscares only go so far. without jumpscares, the red door wouldn't have been memorable or 'scary' at all imo bc the plot itself really wasnt that scary, memorable or intresting. and another thing. i feel like movies that focus on just 1 monster/entity tend to be more interesting bc in this movie, there were like 3/4 different monsters. the main one i guess, the thing in the mri machine and then the demon tht kept throwing up. like atp who or what am i even supposed to be afraid of. it was just all over the place. 3/10 rating from me i hated it

the babadook: ok this movie did creep me out a bit. what scared me is the lighting and the setting of the house and everything like that. the depressing nature of the house especially since the dad had died was done really well. the book itself was weird and i thought the design of the babadook was pretty creepy and creative. he looked creepy especially when he was on the tv. i also got scared when the mom started changing and the way she killed the dog was like. ew. no. and also the way the babadooks voice sounded whenever it said its name was freaky so yeah. other than that i was neutral about it. what i will say though is that i hate parents in horror movies 🤦‍♀️ like the little boy literally pushed the girl down and would talk nonstop about how he had to kill the babadook and like first off if that was my child i would question why they were even thinking about killing things 24/7, and why he was constantly talking about some character in that way. and the mom the whole time was just like '😄' like girl no. i hate the trope of adults being passive abt weird things their kids do just bc 'they're kids.' Like when has that ever played out well

[klarawouldrather]

Falling In Reverse's Watch The World Burn

Just an hour ago Falling In Reverse released their new single Watch The World Burn, alongside a killer videoclip. Ronnie Radke has said in the past that he doesn't like when bands anticipate their new releases, it takes forever and there is no joy or surprise in it.; he prefers just dropping new shit out of the blue when people aren't expecting it, and this time was one of them. I think it is safe to say we all agree with him.

This new song is perfectly coherent in sound and theme with their last two singles released in 2022: ZOMBIFIED, and Voices In My Head. Falling In Reverse have found the best sound for this new epoch, displayed for the first time in their hit Popular Monster, and Ronnie Radke has perfected the mix of the vocals and the song in general. I'm specially a fan of his pronunciation during the harder parts of the song, where he opens a lot the vowels. It is pure sound quality, can't get any better than this.

The structure of the song is pretty much the same one that their 2022 singles have, starting with a Trap intro, altho this time way longer than what one would expect -over a minute and a half-, but it fits perfectly. Then it follows into a short fast Rap section heavily inspired in Eminem (the main rapper Ronnie Radke draws inspiration from) going way faster than, again, one would expect. Finally it builds up and breaks into the modern Falling In Reverse metal sound.

I was beginning to think we weren't gonna hear from their new lead guitarist Max Georgiev; but we do atho not much, only some sweet sweep picking arpeggios. This is the first release of the band he participates in so the project was already cooked before he joined anyways. He fits perfectly in the band replacing Jacky Vincent who went on to focus on his amazing Neo Power Metal project Cry Venom. Both Jacky Vincent and Max Georgiev have a virtuoso classical and symphonic inspired playing style, the later having a beautiful album of classical guitar pieces called Exorcism Chapter One. The two current members of the band listed as co-composers are the also lead guitarist Christian Thompson (who joined Falling in Reverse in 2015 participating in Just Like You and Coming Home) and the bassist and backing and lead vocalist Tyler Burgess. We can also see in the videoclip one of the best drummers of the music scene, Luke Holland. He is not a permanent member of Falling In Reverse, but he's been participating with the band for over two years now.

During the metal part of the track Ronnie Radke builds up and climaxes in a harmonized high note just like in Voices In My Head, and the drop that follows frankly sounds the same as the one in that song. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it is clear that these three singles are sisters just as the trilogy Losing My Mind / Losing My Life / Drugs. It is expected that two other songs will join Voices in my head, Zombified, and Watch The World Burn, in a 5 songs EP titled Neon Zombie to be released this year 2023.

The videoclip is full of pop culture references, with warlike imagery and the same concept of Ronnie Radke being some kind of destructive force in a wooden closed space, this time a church, just like as we see in the single that cemented their contemporary sound Popular Monster. I gotta say, my favourite videoclip of the ones in this development arch is Voices In My Head, but this one is specially epic and powerful just as the song is.

Thematically it feels like a synthesis of the other two songs of this afromentioned sisterhood of singles, it literally opens with "I got voices in my head again". Talks about trauma, needing therapy, depression, and aggressiveness like in Voices In My Head; and about being criticized and how supposedly "Nowadays everybody’s so sensitive" like in ZOMBIFIED.

Now this last faulty idea is based on a talking point of the hegemonic media and buffoons of the dominant class that aims to spread fearmongery about an imaginary cancel culture, like it is shit on the walls of a public bathroom. It is a shame that such a talented musician has fallen into this discursive tomfoolery: no Ronnie, teens on the internet are not coming for you, you can still choose to be a bigot on the internet if you so choose, people being called out on transphobia on twitter is not literally 1984, it is the bare minimum of accountability. It seems to me that victims that bite into this ideological trap are the ones with the thinner skin, thinking we are zombied cuz we don't tolerate bullshit.

Still, Watch The World Burn is one hell of a song that even copying aspects of their other two last singles, feels unique and full of personality. Falling In Reverse does not fail to deliver.

Grade: 9/10

XOXO

[foxy-paws]

Bit of a rant.

I may just be getting old and I’m not so much mad but more so missing the way things were when I look at how we spend our free time now. I feel like often times with the current state of the internet, streaming, games and whatever else I will find myself jaded and not doing anything or falling into the trap of doing the same things all the time. Same few games, never watching my shows even though I want to, buying things and forgetting them, etc. I cannot pinpoint exactly why this is but I have some ideas. The Internet: So I think this one is due to how the entire internet has been gentrified into being like 6 or 7 sites that contain 80% of the stuff people look at these days. I remember my days back in the old times were filled with scouring the internet through google searches for whatever weird HTML shit someone put together for their favorite game or show. It was awesome, even remember a Tekken fan site with character names called out when you went to their page. TV: Well, thats not much of a thing anymore. TV used to be worth watching. It had charm and most importantly shows worth watching. I used to spend hours watching nick and G4/tech tv (before it was nothing but cops). I remember that G4 used to cater to what I wanted out of TV and gave me info and content that was about my other interests. Nowadays its streaming. We’ve got everything at our fingertips and along with it comes burnout. It makes it harder to watch things when its not a thing you tune into at a specific time that made it a bit more special or at very least you would record it. Games: I remember games used to be a bit more simple in what they did. Online play was basically just there for extra fun. Now a lot of that stuff is the main focus. There’s so much online focus in everything or its very story heavy or open world. I’m cool with things being a bit more straightforward and sometimes I just wanna chill and play something like NFS High Stakes. Just to have a race or two and vibe. It feels like so many games put in extra things to work for to retain players instead of being fun.

Music: Music is interesting because we have everything we could want at our fingertips. Awesome for new discoveries but we dont spend as much time on particular albums anymore and overlook stuff that arent just the best tracks of the album. Those songs used to grow on you and make you appreciate them but now a ton of folks just do playlists and skip over a lot. its a tad depressing. I started my journey into music through piracy and amvs and I would have songs grow on me then. It gave me a small but special library and not all of them were the hit single of whatever album they were on. Really, Im not trying to bitch and say things were better in my day as a kid but they were different and I do miss it. I just feel a bit jaded sometimes and I yearn for simplicity at times.

[darklingichor]

Tears of the Giraffe, Morality for Beautiful Girls, by Alexander McCall Smith

It took me a while to write my ramble on The Princess Bride, so I managed to listen to six of these books, but I’m only going to do two at a time.

I am loving these stories so much! I want to watch the short lived tv show, but it seems to only be on a channel that I need cable for. But that’s okay, eventually it will show up somewhere I can see it!

Tears of the Giraffe

This is the second book and  there are multiple unrelated stories happening at the same time. I really like this, to me, it gives the characters dimension, we get to see how they handle various things, rather than having them just focus on one thing. There are times when a single focus makes for a tension filled narrative where one just doesn’t belong, and we are left wondering just how a character would handle a minor problem. Would they go all Liem Nesson if someone dinged their car?

Anyway, the main case in Tears of the Giraffe, is an American  woman who lost her son while living in Africa ten years before. She knows her son is dead, but just wants to know what happened to him. The police at the time were unable to solve this mystery and it had basically been forgotten. Mma Ramotswe takes the case against her better judgement because she feels for this woman.

Elsewhere, Mr. JLB Matikoni, Mma Ramotswe’s new fiancé and best mechanic in Botswana, is talked into taking in two children from the near by orphanage, without talking to Mma Ramotswe first. Considering that the mechanic is soft hearted, and wants to avoid confrontation, it is not surprising that he was talked into this by the kind, yet formidable matron of the orphanage.

And last but not least, Mr. JLB Marikoni gets Mma Ramotswe an engagement ring.

The case of what happened to the woman’s son was bittersweet, and served more as a way to examine the connections between people than any pursuit of justice.

Of course Mma Ramotswe, welcomed the children with open arms. Their backstory was fascinating.

The getting of the ring was a funny interlude that I enjoyed very much.

Morality for Beautiful Girls

Mr JLB Matekoni is depressed, the agency’s secretary, Grace Makutsi, promoted to assistant detective, a government man seeks help from the agency, another asks for help with a beauty pagent.

I’ll start with the thing that made this book a tad different. Mr. JLB Matekoni’s depression. The depression is represented very well. He’s not only sad. He’s listless, exhausted, feeling worthless and numb. As someone who deals with depression, I saw myself in this potrayl.

Sure, when I first started experiencing symptoms, I would be sad sometimes, but that wasn’t the first or even primary emotion for me. For me, it was mostly a buzzing numbness that sapped any energy I had. The buzzing came from the fact that I *knew* something was wrong, but I couldn’t figure out what. My depression is paired with GAD so that is a fun combination. Interesting feeling when your mental illnesses are pulling against each other. Made me want to alternately crawl out of my own skin or put my brain in a time out.

It was also interesting that there is no stated cause for the mechanic’s sudden illness. This can be very real. There isn’t always a trigger.  

I love that Mma Ramotswe works so hard to help him, but never goes down the road of being angry with him, I like that their close circle of friends worked to help him.

The cases are very interesting. Mma Ramostswe actually goes undercover to get to the bottom of the suspicion the government man has about his sister in law trying to poison his brother.

I really like it when  characters go undercover, I think its just a fun plot point, so I was excited to come across it here. How would the straight forward detective handle subtrafuge? Like everything else, it was handled gently, which I think was cool.

Mma Makutsi, as assistant detective, is tasked with finding out which finalist for a beauty contest is the least likely bring about scandal during her reign as winner.

I liked this as well, it's fun to see this young woman develop her own detective style. She's not Watson or Hastings to Mma Ramotswe, she is good at solving things in her own right.

There's a really cool side plot where Mma Makutsi has to whip Mr. JLB Matekoni’s two Apprentice mechanics in to shape. It was interesting to see how this worked out.

I mentioned in my last entry that these books remind me of the best of Agatha Christie and these plots are what I mean by that. Are they super high stakes? No. However, they are interesting, and we get to learn about the human element of everything, and as silly as it sounds, the more formal culture that this author portrays, does make for… a more civilized (?) air. That sounds snobby, but what I mean is that, much like Ellis Peters, instead of dialing up the tension for no reason, Mma Ramotswe has no problem taking the direct route and just talking to people. The interesting part of the way she manages her cases is seeing her observational skills, mixing with her instincts, and what she knows of the social norms, both good and frustrating. She uses all of these elements to reach a conclusion, and then more often than not, she just speaks with people, in her nice but firm way, and she gets a confession, or confirmation.

Another thing that is much like the Poirot, she is also reluctant send in the police, especially if there is a good explanation for what happened. We haven’t had a situation like the Murder of Roger Akroyd, but I don’t know what’s on the horizon.

[iamfindingkatie]

Fighting with myself

I'm stuck in a rut. I lost some sort of schedule with the kiddos getting out of school and now I'm stuck wanting to be this amazing person with my kiddos to working and staying up late watching shows or reading a book. I basically do anything that I can be alone doing. It's my go to when I'm at a low point. My manic days and ideas are evident with starting this blog, committing to fundraising, and being extremely motivated to be an integral part to my children's lives. It's that balance I'm struggling to find currently.

I've made strides in the last few days to pump myself up and let myself know that not everyone can be happy at all times of the day everyday. People aren't going to just blurt out all their internal worries to the first willing ear. It's just knowing that there are so many moments wasted on me being selfish and being alone and struggling alone that could have been my family bonding, growing, and caring more and more for each other. I have to be my own cheerleader, right?

I'm getting in gear and making an effort to really finish this year out with intention, mindfulness, and some sort of structure. I'm glad the kids are going to school, but also not because...kids are mean, am I right? I have to do this though. I have to keep the purpose as my main focus and really do this. The moment I became a mom was the same moment I was no longer doing anything for myself. I need to remember that because obviously I have been forgetting that.

July 1st starts a new journey. Band mom, Band Booster, PTO Member, and so much more can be my label with my right mindset. I am going to really keep this updated on more of a weekly basis or when something comes to mind, BUT you can follow me on FB and interact with me on my page to see me grow and thrive or to even admit defeat. Either way, I'm here as a human who does human things and sometimes not everything will be done the correct way but at least I am aware of my presence and my impact.

Join me on my fundraising journey for To Write Love On Her Arms and swimming 15 miles to support efforts to obtain resources for those who need them. Help me end the stigma, raise funds and get back out there and contribute to society! There's always someone watching you. As creepy as that sounds....years down the road your kids will be talking about how they remembered the little things you did or the special way you said something. You deserve to be everything you want and strive to be.

Also, please check out To Write Love On Her Arms and help us help others.

[mikuni14]

Watching Name and Chompu is painful

I watched JaFirst scenes again, I keep smiling when I see them and think about them. When I think about Remeber Me, I try to focus on Golf and Gun and I usually succeed :) But unfortunately I also keep remembering how Name and Chompu are treated and I immediately become sad (and frustrated and irritated).

I don’t really understand why in Name and Chompu stories it was decided to focus so much on their disability and, what is important, on the negative aspects of these disabilities. Not only that, but to also build their lives, stories and their whole personalities around their disabilities. Watching them is painful, isn't it?

(But then again Champ’s whole life and personality is only about his grandfather and his family, so maybe it’s a Thing, Gun’s life also revolves around Mr.8 tbh, but somehow I don’t mind in his case heh)

To me, Em and Name, their story, would be better with a conflict based on separation issue, 1) Em could enjoy new and exciting life in a big city, parties, maybe have a crush on of someone cool 2) Em could be overwhelmed by the work, new duties, he would be too tired to keep regular contact with Name. There could be various other problems caused by their separation! And yet everything seems to indicate that the problem in their relationship is ... Name's mutism. Like ??? The worst thing is, that nobody really knows how to handle it, neither Name, his mother, neither Em, they just fight, struggle and cry (and they might plot behind his back to force him to speak, which is ugh). I really don't know how the series will treat and solve this problem, because at this moment the only option in my opinion (based on the limited information provided by the series) is a therapy for Name, preferably with his mother as well.

Because (in my opinion, of course, I can be completely wrong) Name's mutism is not a problem, as his mother says all the time, the problem is his inability to go out and also lack of independence. If Name could leave the house, meet other people, he would not be “stuck” on Em, would not wait for hours, days for just  crumbs of his attention, ending in despair. He would be busy with something else, his thought occupied with something else, not only Em, not his loneliness. This is a problem of mental health, not inability to speak, Name speaks with sign language and writing. I understand his mom’s frustration and fear about leaving her son alone, if something happened to her (which can happen so easily, last episode is a proof of that). But it should not be about making Name speak, but about him living independently of his mother and Em. Also learning how to communicate with the rest of the world, (even if the world doesn’t listen). Because since parting with his friends, we see him all the time alone in the room, waiting for ANYTHING from Em. We actually don’t see him doing ANYTHING ELSE. Look how he changed, because someone else paid attention to him. One mysterious stranger from the Internet made Name super happy. And this is a problem imo. His dependency on others. Because the moment that person disappears from his life, we have terrible scenes with bottles of pills!!! Em is present, it’s wonderful, Em is absent, there’s depression, N is present, it’s wonderful, what will happen when he/she disappears as well? I worry so much about Name, but I worry mostly about how he would bo able to handle himself, in case something happend to his mom. The main theme of Remember Me is communication. Name is currently the only one unable to communicate with the world and it’s so distressing to watch...

Same with Chompu. I was honestly surprised by the sudden break up and the reason for it. It seemed to me that Nan was quite ok as a boyfriend, that he was behaving naturally with Chompu. I was looking for signs that he’s ashamed of her, that he would be awkward, or that he didn't want to be seen with her in public - and nothing like that happened. And this happen often in cases of visible disability. And when I saw that Nan was pretty cool with being with a girl in a wheelchair, I was relieved, that this time it won't be a case! And suddenly it turns out that something is wrong and the problem is Chompu’s disability and I was so sure, that this is not a problem this time??

And I just don't get it. It's so sad and depressive. As if Name was only this Mute Kid, and Chompu was only a girl in a wheelchair. I like BL because most of the time couples have problems and dramas that are NOT related to their sexuality. I guess it’s too soon to have a character with disability having problems that are not related to it... Just imagine a character that is mute or is in a wheelchair, that has a whole romance story and their issues are, I don’t know, mafia trying to kill them, a boring job, or being hunted by a handsome cop for a fucking TAX EVASIONS lol. 

[annbourbon]

9 People you wanna Know Better:

Thanks for the tag @kpchrs

╥﹏╥

I disappeared for a while~ but I'm back!!! Sorry to leave this hanging on for so long.

No pressure tags: @icedart21 @ginatrerotola @smol-grey-tea @yooseven-heaven @theoddlydrawnmuffins @theliteraryarchitect @cherrychipheart @bl00000g @playlistbyjo @mirusuchanne

(i would mention you too @kpchrs but lol you're already here~, although I do want to get to know you better♡)

Three ships: This took me some time lol but besides Spuffy which I'm not even gonna mention because it's obvious by now:

I guess it's Kisten Phelps x Rachel Morgan (The Hollows), Anna x Hao (Shaman King) and Yeon-Joo x Kang Chul (W: Two Worlds)

I added some honorable mentions to: Rachel Morgan x Trent Kalamack (i'm still unsure about this lol but i do love them because it wasn't love at first sight but it progressed slowly~), Inuyasha x Kagome (Inuyasha) and Tomoe x Nanami (Kamisama Kiss)

First Ship: lol it's so difficult but I guess the one that made me go down really badly was Hao x Anna (Shaman King) which was the reason I started to write fanfics, and the reason I decided to become a fashion designer (still working on this), and basically the reason I'm most of the person I'm right now~

Also I would add Kisten x Rachel because this ship was the one that made me love jazz and blues... and cured my depression in so many ways it made me go back to write and to start learning languages, and many other things. I didn't even think that was possible. Rachel Morgan is kind of... well is a redhead version of me lol we have a lot of things in common tbh~ even the way she acts it's 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣😭 yes, that's me. I wish I could say it's getting better and I'm less impulsive but sometimes I crave chaos I guess? Dunno~

Last Song: You Belong with Me by Taylor Swift (TV)

Last Movie: I've been into series lately but the kast movie I saw was, A Man Called Otto (I loved it and I'm gonna make a brief review on it soon~ it was on HBO Max but it's not anymore~ if you can catch it, watch it. You'll never regret it. It's very sweet♡)

Currently Watching: True Blood. Yeah~ I haven't finished yet lol mid season 5 of True Blood, watching Law School again~, just finished with Spinning Out series like yesterday~, Mr. Queen. Yes. Still watching. I'm on episode 18 so I'll be finishing this ine pretty quickly. Went back to Crash Landing On You because it's the thing that makes me swoon lol.... add Gossip Girl because it's good noise to work with lolol

Stopped Hotel Del Luna on E8. And My Demon by episode 10 rn.

Watching House (S3E17) S.W.A.T. (S.1.Ep7), Ready set love ep.2, True Beauty S1E13, Gilmore Girls S6E2 (can you believe I still have to finish watching it first time here?), 2 Broke Girls S1E17, Supernatural S13E14,

Watching Parasite (E2), Ouran Host Club again~ E10, and I'm definitely actively watching Angel's Last Mission: Love.... I might be forgetting more of these but y'all have my lists here~ in case you're curious or want some recs.

Currently Reading: Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn,

Why does he do that? by Lundy Bancroft, and Grimm's Fairytales (ADHD is real lol) I cannot focus on just one book cause I get distracted and easily bored by reading these books... although gotta be honest, my main issue is that I'm doing this as part of my studies, which makes my ADHD worsen.

I need these books, and while I'm reading I'm also taking notes~~~ and I'm also thinking on many ways to quote and use these on the videos I'm working rn... and I'm currently working on at least 6 videos, and my future streaming... sooooooo yeah lol my ADHD is crazy and I need to read several things at the same time rn.

Currently Eating: Nothing

Currently Craving: E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. LOL

Did I mentioned i'm gonna get some tests tomorrow? So I'm in middle of my fasting~~ and it's one of those things, like, you know when you are fasting all by yourself because you want to lose some pounds, it's easier than when doctors say you're not allowed to eat. You keep craving on everything. Actually I wasn't that hungry earlier on. Until it was already past the hour of eating LOL i'm kinda starving and craving everything~ tomorrow is gonna be so annoying cause I have a lot of tests done.

The only fun part is to watch the process. I keep freaking out everyone because I tend to watch while they poke me to draw blood. But it's fun~~ \\^♡^//

god lol idk if someone is gonna actually read this lololol but if you made it~ thx for reading all that♡

Yeah~~~ I'm that weird I guess? LOL sorry

BTW~ I swear idk what's happening to me but I'm getting insanely obsessed with Eric Northman right now TT like, I can't even~ I hsd to stop watching True Blood;; and even now it's like, he's in my system. Been so obsessed I keep dreaming about him day and night, it's getting weird lol especially because he's not even my type TT like wtf?

9 People You Wanna Know Better

Thanks for the tag, @justsolas! Will be around for your BTVS watching still lol

I'm no pressure tagging: @annbourbon @burntblueberrywaffles @cha-cha-arts @weer02 @varlysca @olya-roo @robinplume @datcrazyanniegurl @tumblingghosts

Three ships: Spuffy, Hellcheer, and Snowbaird.

First ship: No idea. It's either Naruto x Sakura (Naruto) or Tappei x Miiko (Kocchimuite Miiko (lol do I reveal my location by revealing I know that manga)). But the ship I will count as the real first is Ichigo x Rukia (Bleach), because above two are the kid me testing the waters (of fandom and shipping) and not actually shipping them.

Last song: Taylor Swift's Guilty as Sin?

Last movie: Uh...what was it... Oh. It's a South Korean film called Hijack 1971. A good one. It's about a commercial pilot whose plane got hijacked and forced to go to North Korea. I knew about it happening but didn't know it wasn't a one time thing.

Currently reading: My...Mandarin textbook lol The last novel I tried reading was a Fear Street one.

Currently watching: I'm stopping right now in the middle of S4, but Angel the Series.

Currently eating: Nothing but the black ice of my soul.

Currently craving: A big bowl of fruit slices 😭 By big I mean HUGE. And hanging out in a classy café. Doing nothing in particular.