#i was stupid as fuck but at least i went after things
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bisexualbrainrots · 7 hours ago
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sooo I was in the shower listening to dua lipa and got this idea. it could follow the kiss probably, but in short: oliver and lou had a fling but fought around november, they’ve been away since then and oliver traveled across the country, lou gets a call around the week he’s back in l.a.
The book wasn’t bad, not at all, but Lou was regretting the spur of the moment purchase of a self-help book. He tried to concentrate, he really did, but his mind kept drifting away to the same reason he bought the book in the first place.
He reached for his phone, about to log onto his Instagram, until he got a call incoming.
He was calling.
Lou cursed under his breath, Why haven’t I blocked his number yet? he thought
Because you still miss it.
Despite the way his body was screaming at him not to answer, he swiped green and put the phone on speaker, the book in his hands as he tried to get back to it.
“Hi”
He rolled his eyes, “And why the fuck are you calling now?”
Lou knew he sounded hostile, But what more could you ask when the last time they talked it was through an unresolved fight? When the asshole didn’t admit he had been in the wrong, when he didn’t want to admit that this pattern was damaging for both of them.
“Well nice to hear from you too Lou, I’m doing good, thanks”
There was no way he was going to concentrate on the damn book if he kept hearing that stupid voice. Lou threw the book on the bed and laid flat on it, feeling the softness of the duvet.
“Oliver I’m not in the mood to entertain whatever this is, What do you want?”
He heard a sigh and something else he couldn’t pick up on, but it didn’t matter to him.
It wasn’t supposed to matter.
“Okay, uh, Lou I was calling to apologize, like actually apologize”
Lou was baffled “And you wanna do this over the phone?”
Oliver scoffed “Hey at least I want to talk, you're the one who cut contact with me”
He ran his hands through his hair, this guy was making him crazy.
It’s true that Lou cut contact with Oliver after their fight, he thought it was the logical step. Who cares if they were sleeping together? Who cares if they’d spent months of their lives, an entire summer, learning all their weak spots and how their bodies moved? Who cares if Lou had ultimately caught feelings for somebody he knew was never going to reciprocate them?
“Yeah, because I thought I could trust you”
There was a silence a little too long, and Lou thought he had hung up.
“I’m sorry, okay? I-I know it was shitty of me to say all those things to you, and, I understand now you were struggling so much it’s just… I’m really sorry Lou”
He bit his lip, his eyes wide shut “You know what’s so fucked up about this?... I had to show you all the things they were saying about me so that you could believe it, a-and you knew about it”
“I didn’t know all of it Lou, I just—”
“You just what? Knew all your co stars were being harassed and did nothing? I get it, it’s not your job to defend me, but I thought that we… that I could be…” Lou sighed, feeling his eyes burn as he fluttered them open “I thought that the fact that we’d been fucking meant something to you”
He heard a hitch in Oliver’s breath and a muttered “Of course it meant something Lou, for fucks’ sake” 
“Then why… forget it, I’ll hang up”
“No! Please, Lou, bloody hell you’re like a mule sometimes” he sounded exasperated, like Lou was the most stubborn person he’d ever met.
Lou blinked “That is not making it any harder for me to hang up, jerk”
He heard a deep breath “Look, after we ended things I did something… I traveled”
Lou frowned “Like abroad? I mean, good for you if that’s—”
“No, not fucking abroad, I… went across states on my van”
Now Lou was confused, a surprised laugh escaped him “You what?”
He could see it though. The mental image of Oliver travelling across the country with a car, his camera and a dream made him smile, which quickly turned into a frown as he realized what he was doing.
“Yeah, I don't know, I just… I wanted to be in with my thoughts for a while” any other day Lou would've rolled his eyes at the phrasing, but right now he was intrigued “And I thought that traveling on a van would be good a-and it was… and so I had time to think, about us”
Lou sat up on his bed, looking intensely at his phone “And?” he asked, elongating the word.
He heard a nervous chuckle “God, I miss you, I miss… this, and I know I was an arse there's no doubt about that, but it's just… I'm really sorry”
Lou clenched his hand around his shirt. It was all so painful still, avoiding Oliver for over a month only helped to bury his feelings, but it was like burying them in sand. And now the ocean was bringing it back to the surface.
“Lou, you there?”
“Y-yeah it's just… shit, I miss you too”
He was a weak man, there's no other explanation for what he was doing. 
Lou knew Oliver was smiling on the other side, he could just feel the corners of his lips curling up and his teeth showing through the phone call. And it was making him feel things.
Things he hadn't allowed himself to feel for weeks.
“If you wanted, maybe we could meet up one day, and have a better conversation than this” Lou nodded, even though Oliver could not see his face. 
“Okay, sure”
He heard Oliver exhale deeply, like he had finally found a bit of peace after all this time. Lou was envious of that. 
“Lou?”
He hummed as a reply, loud enough for him to hear, as he laid back on his bed. His cheek resting on the heel of his hand.
“Don’t you miss it sometimes?”
He frowned, looking intently at his phone “Miss what?”
“My hands on your body”
He heard the record scratch in his brain, feeling a little… offended? Conflicted? Aroused?
Aroused was definitely in there, but his pride was stronger at that moment. 
“Oliver are you serious—” he stopped when heard a groan that made him grip at the bed “What are you– Oliver”
“I’m not really doing anything, just… reminiscing” he pulled his reading glasses up to his head and covered his face with his hands when he heard that voice, the one Oliver did whenever he wanted to get something from him. 
Which always ended up being related to his dick somehow. 
Lou pushed the heels of his hands to his eyes, shaking his head at the ideas that were forming in it, “You cannot just… damn it Oliver, where are you even?” 
Oliver chuckled, now he really wanted to punch him “I’m seated and safe if that answers your question”
“It really does not” he threw a short laugh, letting his hands rest on his belly “... What are you wearing?”
He was just a man in the end, a weak one, but a man nonetheless.
Oliver's soft laugh felt like music to his ears “Just, a simple shirt and sweatpants… nothing under if you were asking yourself that”
“I was not, thank you very much” he sighed, his hands finding their way under his shirt, caressing his happy trail “I do miss it”
“W-what?”
“I… I miss your hands on me, I miss your body and the way you used to say my name, Oli”
He hasn't called him like that in a long time.
“Fuck, Lou… I miss all of that too, I-I really miss all of you it's… fuckin' hell” he heard a hitch in Oliver's voice, and now Lou was definitely wondering what was going on on the other side of the line. 
So he pressed.
“Touch yourself Oli, over your clothes” he heard a whine on the other side and chuckled “Now that's another thing I missed about you, I missed hearing you desperate for it” 
His own hands traveled to his crotch, pressing on it with the heels. His toes curled when he heard a moan come out of Oliver.
“Shit, I… I'm not desperate” he liked to do that, to fight Lou off and bicker until the only thing they could do to shut the other up was with their mouths.
“Sure you aren't”
“W-where are you right now, Lou?” he looked around, appreciating the fact that he was completely alone at the moment. 
“My bed, obviously, I was actually trying to read a book when you called” there was a pause on the other line.
“You have your reading glasses on?” Lou adjusted the glasses and smiled, remembering the times Oliver had seen him with them on. 
“Yup” he said, exaggerating the p sound.
Oliver groaned “God, you look so hot with those glasses, makes me want to…”
Lou smiled as he heard the soft sigh come out of Oliver’s mouth. The younger had a thing for Lou’s glasses and it was sort of endearing. Even though it always ended up with the older’s soul getting sucked through his dick, but it wasn’t something he couldn’t manage. Sometimes he put them on on purpose, just to tease.
Lou took off his shirt, his body heat making the layer of fabric feel uncomfortable “Touch me? Fuck me?” one of his hands went up to his chest, caressing the area.
There was a whimper, and Lou moaned softly at the sound “Fuck, yes, I just… I just want to feel you once again Lou”
“You could if you were here”
Oliver snickered, “Is that an invitation?”
Lou rolled his eyes, smiling playfully “Not unless you find a way to convince me that is a good idea” the thought of the younger coming to his place made him sigh in content, arching his back as he lowered his pyjama pants down to his thighs. His free hand went towards his hard cock, and started to jerk himself off.
“The thought of me inside of you wouldn't be convincing enough?”
He moaned loudly, throwing his head back on his pillows as his hips rolled against his hand, going a little faster at the idea “Oliver… fuck”. The images of the younger lifting his hips to get a better angle and touching every part of his body made him squirm.
“What are you doing right now Lou?” Oliver’s voice reached a new level of deep, making Lou rock his hips with an intensity that made the bed squeak.
“Fucking my fist Oli, I also… I also don't have my shirt on” he cursed under his breath when he heard a needy sound come straight out of Oliver's throat. He smiled knowingly, the fact is that the younger also had an interest in the older's chest, the dozens of bruises he left in the past were proof of it.
“God… grab your pec Lou, do it like I would, c'mon” 
He did so, grabbing one of them with a tight grasp and then kneading it like dough as he stimulated his nipple. 
“Oli… Oliver I don't know if your hand's still over your clothes but pull your dick out, fuck, I want to hear you”
“Lou— shit, ah, okay yeah I'm… fucking hell, I want to be there with you Lou, you have no fucking idea what I'd do to you” a wet sound made Lou's eye roll and bite his lip in a way that made him taste blood, his palm slick as it was being covered with precum.
“I know you’d love to be here Oliver… to have your head between my legs as I fill your throat with me, and you'd… you…” He couldn't find the words, the pleasure making his brain melt out of his ears.
“I’d let you fuck my throat Lou, pull my hair and keep me there until you’re satisfied”
Lou moaned loudly, blabbering a trail of yes yes yes as he stilled his hips up, pumping his cock with a firm grip.
“... Then I'd fill you up, fucking you until you come a second time, fuck, h-how would you want to take me Lou?” Oliver's breathing was agitated, he was close, so close, and Lou was too.
Lou whined “Riding you in reverse, bouncing on your cock while you leave marks up to my shoulders— holy shit, I-I’m gonna come”
“Come for me Lou, c'mon do it baby”
And the pet name does it. He arches his back so much it could snap, and comes in a guttural scream, spilling all over his hand and lower belly as his body spasms. He rides the orgasm wave as he hears the loudest moan come out of Oliver, and milks himself dry. 
“Did you… did you just call me…?” his chest was heaving, body covered in a layer of sweat as he stared at the ceiling, dumbfounded.
“I did, yeah… w-was that okay?” Lou's cheeks blushed. They had never called each other by any pet names, too intimate for the kind of relationship they had. 
He smiled and looked at the phone before taking his leap “Baby… I like it, would you like that I—”
“Call me like that, please” Lou heard Oliver sigh, and it only made his smile grow wider. 
They were idiots.
Lou sat up, leaning towards the nightstand and opening the drawer to take the toilet paper he kept for situations like this. He cleaned himself and giggled as Oliver complained about his cum stained clothes “Hey, you could've taken them off like I did Oli”
He heard a grunt and knew the younger was probably rolling his eyes, “Maybe, but I—” a noise made Lou frown, and he turned off the speaker, pulling their phone towards his ear to listen well, without much success. 
“What was that?” he asked when the younger returned to talk to him..
Oliver chuckled nervously “Oh, just… one of your neighbors”
“What?!” Lou looked out the window as he straightened up, wide-eyed “Where are you?”
“In my van” he sounded embarrassed, and Lou couldn’t really blame him, even though it all felt unbelievable to him.
“Oliver… you've been outside this whole time?”
Oliver chuckled “Can’t seem to stay away, right?”
He laughed, almost hysterically. He couldn't believe the younger had been there this whole time instead of knocking down his door. Though he supposed it made sense, in a weird way that he understood.
He doesn’t think he would’ve dared to knock on Oliver’s door had the tables been turned.
Once he’s calmed he pulled up his pants and walked out of his bedroom “Come in”
“Oh I will, baby” Lou rolled his eyes but laughed softly, shaking his head as he approached his front door.
“Shut up”
And they were back to where they left, tangled bodies and whispers in their ears.
Neither of them knows if the cycle will repeat, or if they’ve found a way to break it. All they know is that they couldn’t stay away from each other for too long.
Not even if they could help it.
read on AO3.
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catravandece · 1 year ago
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had an ok day at the magicky market but like most things i blew through everything in less time than it took me to drive there and was left feeling more lonely and impotent of happiness than when i started the day. spent too much money on things i could live without just to make the gas money and driving time worth it. tomorrow is kesha day which'll be even MORE driving and so much standing around by myself i just hope ill be able to muster up energy for when the concert actually starts. if i get depressionblocked again i might actually drive off a cliff
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starlight---starbrights · 7 months ago
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Undertale yellow flowey embroidery
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This took about 40 hours, give or take a few
#I can tell you one thing#Embroidering while having arthritis is really not a piece of cake. When you hand cramps just by holding it at an angle.#At least I can be grateful for my empty schedule#Makes embroidering till the sun rises back up so much easier#Insomnia also helps with this task#I was listening to the ost while working on it and… Live reaction#Occupied turf is so good actually !? Why wasn’t it shown more often !? IT’S FIRE !?#I forgot I only did a pacifist so I got so confused when neutral Flowey came out…#A mother’s love ? Should’ve called this “I’m gonna fuck you up”#The number of time I got my ass handed back to me in this fight is not even funny#The first time is great. The second I only discern my favorites and the sudden change in style. By the third loop I can’t recognize shit#my brain is melting and my eyes are on fire…#Advantages on doing it during daytime. Eyes hurt less. Good stupid tv to listen to in the background Disadvantages. People#Advantages on doing it at night. Alone. Personally work better at night#Disadvantages. No good TV. Time goes by slower…? I don’t know maybe I’m just loosing it with those freaking petals#For reference one petal took me about 3 and a half hours. So yeah… I thought it would never end… Took out almost all my yellow.#When the line tangles itself in the back and you realize only close to the end of it that half went missing#So you have to go backward to entangle it and loose 30 mins because damn it#Cats are not helpful in any of those scenarios#Why do I feel the need to make the back perfect when nobody else but me will know#This is the last time I do one so big without thinking it through#Note to self. Don’t do it standing up when the cats are awake. She just destroyed my stomach#I think i’m losing it#Back after a few weeks#God this white thread is doing my head in… I’m willing to bet my leg half the time I spent on the face was me untangling it.#I’m almost done. It’s finally over. Dark brown took exactly 4 h and 13 mins#undertale#undertale yellow#embroidery#I’m thinking of doing Boris the wolf next. Because I just found the perfect rendition to put on my wall
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scarletfasinera · 3 months ago
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Just tried to read a post on my dash that I did not immediately realize was about Disco Elysium that kept mentioning some strange concepts called "Kim" and "Harry" I couldn't understand for some reason & the thing my brain did to try to comprehend the words it was reading and make sense of them for me, was to BEAM (literal) two separate images of Kim Il-Sung and Harry Styles into my vision, which did not help me understand the post at all.
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natjennie · 9 months ago
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just got that blinding horrible stomach/back pain for like three minutes and then it's gone again and like. fuck man this body is such bullshit I don't want it. I don't want any of it. I don't want to do it anymore.
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loxare · 1 year ago
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Every single year at the worst fucking moment the brain weevils attack and make doing anything besides the most mind numbing activities super impossible. My brain feels itchy, and I don't think I should be physically aware of it but I am. I'd really like to be able to write all these lab reports, but doing so is like trying to walk through the 1919 Boston Molasses Flood, and I keep making two and a half steps of progress before having to pull my feet from the sludge so I can sit on a ledge to rest and also try and beat the flies buzzing around my head back with a newspaper
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giantkillerjack · 2 years ago
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As time goes by, I find I am less likely to wake up in the middle of the night to needlessly hate on myself for some random awkward harmless thing I did 10 years ago.
I'm still up in the middle of the night feeling a deep primal urge to needlessly hate on things from years ago, but now it's more just things like
MAN I SHOULD PROBABLY MAKE ANOTHER POST ABOUT HOW MUCH I HATED BLY MANOR HUH
#bly manor#the haunting of bly manor#listen. I'm sure if I were to carefully analyze some of junji ito's short stories I would find some of them to be thematically lacking#BUT THEY AREN'T 10 HOURS LONG ARE THEY#truly the worst kind of horror movie is the kind that lasts for over 9 hours and then makes you feel stupid for getting invested#I was tricked by the good acting and the good cinematography into believing that there would be a good story at the end of the day#the kind of ending that just makes you think surely I'm not understanding this correctly surely they didn't mean to say THAT#but then you think about it a little more and it's like oh no I have been bamboozled#I feel the same way about Kubo and the two strings which - like bly manor - really shits the bed in the last 10 minutes#But ultimately this is where it was going the whole time.#I've seen a lot of bad horror movies but none of them have wasted my time like this. I know it was a TV show but#if it had been a movie it at least would have been over relatively quickly and I could have moved on with my life jfc#anyway everyone should go watch Fear Street 2021 it's the only good horror franchise ever made good night#okay it's not the only one but if you want a lesbian horror series that fucking rules#that's the one#Netflix was like want to try The Haunting of Hill House and I was like only if this writer lives at Hill house and I get to do the haunting#original#I mean not having good theming in a movie is one fucking thing but in a cohesive horror series??????#I feel like I went to a restaurant where they don't serve food but they only told me after I waited for the food for 13 fucking hours.#this is not filling this is not nourishment this is BULL
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transmasc-tabris · 9 days ago
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Girl help
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pa-pa-plasma · 3 months ago
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super funny how you can beg & beg & beg & beg & plead & beg with a doctor for help with a debilitating illness & they're like "here's a prescription for a cream that will help" & you go to the pharmacy to get it & they're like "ooh sorry, this one costs $500. but the brand name version is $600 so really it's a deal!" & so you have to pay for it with the $501 in your bank account & then you get home & put it on & the next day your skin is on fire despite washing the cream off asap & you go back to the doctor & they're like. "huh. weird. idk then man maybe go see a specialist?" & send you on your way & you go home with this stupid worse than useless $500 cream & a few months later you finally get to go see the specialist & they glance at you & say "idk man maybe just stop being dramatic?? lol" & so you go home (again) after being berated & you're sitting there & go fuck it & look it up & you see some random guy like "oh yeah witch hazel works" & so you put witch hazel on & within ten minutes it does, in fact, work. *through gritted teeth* doctors are so fun
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loverboybrightsideghost · 3 months ago
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they should invent a way to ask if you have felt suicidal or have had suicidal thoughts at the doctor when they ask where you'll answer truthfully. i am fine and i always fight the suicidal thoughts but i went to the urgent care the other day and they asked and i said no no nothing like that. but i lied! of course i have! i've been vaguely fantasizing about getting hit by a car the past few days!!! i truly hate suicide for Reasons, it makes me incredibly sad and distressed, and for myself sometimes i don't even realize it's started creeping into my head again (i'm fine i genuinely promise) but like. as much as i hate it, it's there in some of my friends and me and i have to wonder about the fact that "yeah, but doesn't everyone at least a little bit?" isn't the right answer.
#bluebird.txt#i'm like sociologically interested why it's so 'popular' or common for people to joke about killing themselves#again. i fucking hate it. i abhor it. i detest it. but the fact is that is how people talk.#and i wonder how many of those people are truly suicidal and how many have never had to ever worry night after night#if the last time they saw their friend would be the last time. if they went to sleep thinking please let them be at school tomorrow.#please let them text me back.#at least you're still here.#how many people who say 'i'm gonna kill myself!!!' over a stupid insignificant test have actually felt that looming horror#how many of those people have truly felt in their souls that life is not worth living and that no one would notice if they weren't there#tomorrow#i ask genuinely. how many? is it that bad that we're all suicidal? am i right in saying 'doesn't everybody feel like that?'#or are some of you just being dramatic cunts who don't know what the fuck they're saying#or has everyone gone through at least one thing that would make them want to end it and am i just being cruel?#i am a positive person. this is partially bc it is in my nature to be excited abt things but mostly it is on purpose.#every day it is on purpose. it's a habit ive built and sometimes the habit falters. sometimes i don't realize when ive started slipping.#but eventually i always do and it sucks shit and it's hard as fuck and annoying as fuck bc it's so much easier to lay down and never#get up again but i fucking choose to get up because life is meant to be lived and you have to live on purpose in order#for your life to be anything that YOU want it to be rather than living in everyone else's world#you have to live in purpose. i live on purpose. and it annoys me so strongly#that there seem to be (again i could be wrong and arrogant and cruel for assuming this) so many people#for whom it takes very little effort to get up in the morning#people who don't spend like 99% of their time Thinking and Thinking and cancelling out the Bad Thinking on purpose#people for whom life is if not easy bc it's not easy for anybody than who don't have to deal with the fucking baggage some of us have#maybe i'm arrogant. maybe years of being told i'm weird and i still haven't managed to get rid of the instinct to make that gap even bigger#maybe maybe maybe. but also i think maybe some of you should shut the damn fuck up and enjoy what you have. if i can then so can you.
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tautozhone · 7 months ago
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cant believe i’m in a heated tense micro-argument with a teenager because she keeps saying she HATES shrek three cannot stand it but also by her own account has never seen it. she won’t say anything beyond “he hates being royal and hates being a dad big deal” and that it’s a poor quality movie. i accidentally started a whole thing because i mentioned if she wanted to watch shrek four then watching three made sense, at the very least if you’re going to shit on a movie you need to know what you’re talking about. we’re talking about shrek here though. what the fuck is happening
#tauto talks#it’s not even funny i fucking went downstairs to cry because shit was taking such a weird right turn#local child wants to watch shrek 4 and local adults living in the house keep trying to ask why she cannot stand the idea of watching#the third movie if she’s never seen it and then keeps talking about it like it is the worst movie ever#it became a whole thing her mom put the third one on and she would not pay attention and then it all got Worse#i wanted to make a point at least that you can’t really critique a media you haven’t seen surface level like this#but i keep feeling so fucking baffled at the fact this is all about shrek#because i genuinely like the shrek movies. all of them. like in order. and i think shrek 3 is underrated#gets overshadowed by shrek 2 being the best sequel in history and the first being The Classic and then shrek 4 being super cool#idk i got my feelings hurt because she joked about me needing to evaluate my work and i do Not understand why it was that serious#YOUVE NEVER SEEN IT#being mean to me “as a joke” over something you seem way too opinionated on for someone who has never seen it#what stupid youtube review bro got to you#communication error moment maybe i just can’t stop thinking about it because i hate conflict every time it happens ever#over SHREK of all things. christ#i hate it here#this post is cursed#i don’t know why it’s so serious to me (i guess it became serious when i was insulted but i’m genuinely trying to be like. normal and kind)#(she apologized but only after everyone had to be like. no girl that was rude. that was a low blow. why’d you make it that personal.)#i just think arthur is funny. he’s a silly guy. i think the story is nice and sweet and compelling and cheesy enough to enjoy#you can only like shrek 3 as an adult maybe#anyway yeah cursed post !!!!!
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tchaikovskym · 9 months ago
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Man this day sucked balls
#i had to get up at 5:45am#that was the first worst sign#it was well until i went home for my zoom lesson#since i was like the main coordinator for one big event which had multiple small events#my boss called me and was like hey where is the portable ultrasound for the event#and she found it but the charger was missing#so i asked people responsible for the smaller events who used that ultrasound if they know anything and they were like nope#and one even managed to throw shade on me bc it has been like 2 weeks since the event#after my zoom lesson i cried abt that stupid charger#but i was like hold up i have 20 minutes only to cry bc i have my next lesson in person and i have to go#and then i went and i managed to forget abt that stupid lost charger#and i was like yay i will learn python#and then i did learn the basics and then it started to get complicated and i was lost and then our task was like#hell#and then i tried to make something at least of my task. to like define functions and stuff#and it wasnt possible#and then our teacher kind of wrote the script for the 1st part of the assignment#and i was like okay#and i tried it and the int thing didnt work it was like no you cant put it there where your teacher put it#and i was like fuck then#i just learned how to write a if else and now i have to make two different triangle area scripts baded on input and so that it would work#for non existing triangles#and like what does it mean a triangle with 4 3 and 9 as edge lengths#what do you want from me? an error output? triangle does not exist? what?#either way im fucked#i have to wake up just as early tomorrow#and i have to do a lecture for schoolkids on saturday and my ppt is not finished#and its not like ill have time tomorrow bc i work from 7am to 9pm bc im maybe a masochist#which means even less sleep#i think i have so much going on i want to just. scream.
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dadbots · 1 year ago
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Happy holidays / Yule / upcoming traditions. 🖤
#dadbots.txt#its been a rough month so far. not necessarily due to seasonal but overall changes for the better or worst.#While I /did/ managed to recover from my sinuses after 2-3 weeksish. I’m just not doing well still and it’s been a fuck of a rollercoaster.#I’m so tired. again. Just not a great end to this year. But hey - you win some you lose some. And other days to try again#Many adaptations been made but it’s not really repairing anything. Just kinda a bandaid on it and hope the wound heals if that make sense.#& made such a dumb move. But with so many people telling me to wait it out and said thing would change ended up being the exact same.#And I feel stupid for it. I knew better and yet — same thing. Which fuckin blows but okay. Whatever. At least I can’t lie and said I didn’t#- try at all yknow. I mean I did. It’s something. So guess we’re moving on from that experience. And that’s that#My progress is fluctuating like hell and back this year. I expected much and need to figure out what needs to go & needs to stay in my life#- Almost similar to spring cleaning. Whatever goes goes and whatever stays. Well. Stays if it benefits me or improve somehow#Hopefully it’d solve some of the negativity and awful energy going on. Some areas aren’t as easy or possible for personal reasons.#- but sometimes you gotta put your foot down and just do it. Whether that’s one step at a time or one big 360 and hope all goes well.#I need to be more persistent in my life concerning certain things. And others where I just need to learn to let go. Ignore it. Gone.#There’s just so much I need to do. From getting back on track. Working on things I’ve put off for years now. Adapting and improving.#- balance. Control. List could go on and on. But I did what I could this year. A lot of improvement. And while it kinda went down the draib#- after slipping into old habits again - at least I know I could improve in some way. I did it before. It /did/ work b4 longterm episodes#- and that’s worth a lot. Considering it’s something I talked about but couldn’t do at that time. Or just never did.#An accomplishment I had for this year. Now to see what else I can work on.
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timelord-of-the-moon · 1 year ago
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#IM SAD#just closed another show#i dont know if i can keep doing this#maybe its the fact that i dont have the next thing lined up?#i dont know if i SHOULD do this anymore either#wish a lot of things were differnt!!!!#becuase today was actually good! we had the show and i didnt miss any cues and during strike i talked to a lot of people#and then some cast and crew went out for mexican food and the owner of the theatre that had our show bought our diner#and then we went to a drag show which was fun! like fuck i actually was enjoying myself#the sad thing is that i dont have many days like this#like if i constantly had show days and people to talk to id be happy maybe?#but like its sad ill probably never see most of these people again#and i dont have anything lined up next like i have to edit this stupid fucking short film but after that nothing#and im not happy here i wasnt happy in California but at least i was a lot less bothered#and i definitely was not happy when i was in college but high school was worse#i just literally dont know what to do with myself#this is more than post show depression i think#i dont know if i have the heart to keep working with people and never see them again#and like i cant fucking make friends with them i literally dont know how i can barely get 3 sentences out in any conversation#nobody actually wants to be my friend#like sure work friend or someone who will do favors but not a deeper connection#why is it so hard what the fuck am i missing#like definitely there is something wrong with me social skills wise but i should have figured it out by now
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bunnis-monsters · 7 months ago
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NSFW
You’d done it now, you’ve pushed your wolf!hybrid boyfriend too far. It was just a little playful behavior, at least… that’s what you were intending, but you ended up chewing on and humping one of his favorite tshirts while he was away, not knowing how much he adored it.
As he approached, you quickly rolled onto your back, showing your belly in a submissive display and tucking your tail between your legs.
He snarled, quickly pouncing on you, pinning your wrists above you with one of his massive hands.
“Stupid little pup, didn’t I tell you to stop messing up my things? Can’t leave you alone for more an hour before you start humping and tearing up my shit.”
You let out a whine, your puppy ears pinning back as you nuzzled against his neck apologetically. “Sorry… sorry… j-just a puppy, don’t be mad… I miss you when you’re gone… miss my mate…”
He sighed, pressing his bulge into your needy cunt. “Sorry, sweetheart. That’s not gonna work this time.”
Hours went by, the only thing you could concentrate on being his cock pounding into you so hard you saw stars. He had already knotted you once, and now he was fucking his cum back into you after it began to spill down your thighs.
“What’s the matter, pup? Can’t make anymore excuses now? Can’t even talk because you’re too fucked out?”
You drooled on your pillow, groaning as he finally pulled out. He was quick to flip you back on your back, settling his face between your thighs and lapping at your cunt.
“T-too much… can’t…” you complained, pawing at his head. With one glare from him, you pulled your hands away and only writhed as he continued.
“If you can be a bad pup, you can face the consequences.”
By the next day, you were being carried around and pampered by your boyfriend, who always took good care of his pup after fucking your brains out~
——————
NSFW TAGLIST: @sunset-214 @screaming-crying-screamingagain @strawberrypoundtown @avalordream @icommitwarcrimes @bazpire @im-eating-rn @anglingforlevels @kinshenewa @pasteldaze @j3llyphisching @unforgettablewhvre @yoongiigolden @peachesdabunny @murder-hobo @leiselotte @misswonderfrojustice @dij-ology @i8kaeya @lollboogurl @h3110-dar1in9
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alwaysshallow · 1 year ago
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boys trying to survive nnn with their partner (141 + los vaqueros + könig x f!reader)
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a/n: if it wasn't for @blissful-bunny, there wouldn't be nnn. LMAOOO i hope y'all will enjoy, it's my first time doing something like this... and i think i don't hate it as i did before!
mdni, as always. nsfw below + keegan's version here
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Simon "Ghost" Riley
Being around Ghost durning this time is funny, to say the least. You know about this bet from Gaz, when you invited the whole Task Force 141 for dinner. There wasn't much of a reaction from you, just a nod and a hum that's interesting to hear that. Nothing more, until your boyfriend's friends went home, and you stayed with him, washing dishes.
"You think you're gonna last?" you ask, and you pretty much can't stop yourself from laughing when he gives you a side eye.
"'s just a month." he grumbles, and you know, you somehow irritated him. Or, the bet did, you're not really sure. "Been through worse."
Theoretically, it is true. He's military, he has seen things that you won't ever see, something so stupid like this challenge shouldn't be something hard to do.
Practically? Practically, he takes every fucking chance to get closer to you. You're making breakfast, showering, washing the dishes? He's gonna be right behind you. It's not surprising at first, he liked to be near you always, but it has a malicious intent to it, when he drags his clothed cock up and down your ass, grunting right into your ear. He gets you worked up, and you're pretty sure he's gonna lose, but he stops right before he cums.
You can't really decide if it's funny or sad to see him like this. It's his pained expression that he gives when he bites on his lower lip, grumbling something about watching you touching yourself, so it will be better. You can't really say no to a man starved, so you put out a show for him, thinking how so much better his fingers would be in your pussy.
If it would depend on you, you'd kneel and relieve him, but what can you do, when he has this ridiculous challenge of his?
He breaks after two days, when he sees you in your shared gym, exercising. It's unexpected, when he puts down dumbbells you were working with, doing squats; you want to ask what's wrong, but when he lifts you up, your back hitting the wall, you just know. You even forgive him when he doesn't prep you enough, and he just thrusts into you without much thinking of it, his balls heavy.
You know you won't leave this gym for a long time.
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Kyle "Gaz" Garrick
"You're participating in what?"
To say it was weird, was one thing. To say that Kyle does it, was even weirder, especially that he was straight from two months of deployment. Needy. You knew it, as you were with him almost three years by now, he had always spent hours in bed with you because he missed you like a madman. These two months were pretty much the longest you've been separated with him, so, you can imagine your surprise, when you learned about the challenge, when you two were cleaning your apartment. He was touching you every now and then, giving you little kisses, and now he was talking about something like this.
"I'm—"
"—No, I heard you" you chuckled, shaking your head. "I'm like… trying to understand who convinced you to do so."
"Bet with Soap. Lad thinks 'm not gonna last with you." he murmurs, and you just know that this motherfucker made this as a personal challenge. So, you just nod your head, to Kyle's surprise on his pretty face. "That's… all you're gonna say?"
"What else I'm supposed to say?" you raise your eyebrow, amused. "That I feel sorry for you, this will do?"
"That ain't funny."
"It is, kind of funny." you grin, as you kiss his forehead, at which he closes his eyes, so you repeat kissing his forehead a few times. "I'm gonna support you in this, yeah? So it's gonna be easier."
It wasn't easier. You could see that he glances at you every now and then, when you are doing domestic things around the house, giving him little, encouraging smiles. Little do you know that Kyle's bulge is growing larger and larger every time he looks at you.
Gaz is pretty calm, at least until he sees you in his t-shirt (that is way too big for you) and just panties underneath, sitting right beside him with a bowl of popcorn. You two planned to watch a movie, but your boyfriend quickly brushes it off, as his hand wanders under the hem of your panties.
"Kyle, you—"
"I know." he almost growls, as he puts you on his lap.
The moment he feels your wetness, he's a gone man; he makes you ride him, and the challenge is just a fading memory, when his lips attack yours.
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John "Soap" MacTavish
Soap is absolutely offended when everyone in Task Force 141 tells him he's gonna lose the challenge. He can't shut up about it for an hour straight, as he lays with his head on your lap, telling you something about celibacy and being true lover, not some "horny arse like the others". You listen to it with a small, amused smile on your lips because as much as you love your boyfriend, everyone is right about it.
He's not gonna last, and he knows it personally too, but you say nothing about it. You just listen to Johnny's ramblings, until his eyes are on you, observing your reaction so casually.
"What do ya think? 'm gonna beat it? Be the best?" he tilts his head like a puppy, squinting his eyes. It's an icy ground you're standing on right now.
"I think… it's gonna be hard." you answer; slowly, reluctantly. It's not something that he wants to hear though, as he groans, shaking his head with displeasure. "What? You asked!"
"I ken it's gonna be hard. 'm askin', if 'm gonna beat it" he emphasizes his last words, and you can feel he barely holds himself from rolling his eyes.
"…well, baby, as much as I have faith in you in other things…"
It's not a good answer for him, nor for a challenge, considering that you end up getting fucked by him – it's some kind of punishment, he tells you, when he folds you in half. He tells you that he also didn't lose the challenge, technically, as you had sex November 1st , at 3 a.m. You nod, hesitantly, so you could go to sleep without causing him to ramble about it again; you are exhausted.
It takes him three days of fucking you in various places to finally come into the conclusion that the challenge isn't for him. Three days of promising and hearing him whining that it's gonna be 'st the tip, baby, to feel you good.
"Good that you've figured that out." you say with a small smile, in restaurant's bathroom, his forehead against yours, as his cock is still buried deep inside you.
"Lasted longer than lads. Sure of that."
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John Price
You want to think of your husband highly, when you hear of this stupid thingy. The authority, someone that leads the Task Force 141, setting the example for his younger proteges with his willpower. Someone who actually cares about engaging in challenges, even if they're stupid, even if he shouldn't even look at something like this.
Yet, you know John, you're married to him, for God's sake – and you know his sex drive. When this man is home, nothing and no one stops him from getting what he wants, and that's on you. In your mind, there's a core memory of him saying that he absolutely loves your pussy, multiple times.
So it's not a surprise that he doesn't participate in this challenge. It's not a surprise when he babbles about having kids with you while he fucks you wherever he can; kitchen counter, under the shower, your couch. His obsession over kids grew over this month more than ever, and you were happy to meet his expectations in a middle, since you thought of having a little angel in your small family for a longer time now. Having a dog wasn't enough.
A surprise comes when he proudly admits that he won in the end of the month. Boys are pretty much shocked by this, considering that their Captain didn't even look frustrated once, and he was in better mood than usual. Yet, they don't have a place to complain, so they accept the defeat with a frown on their faces, and a quick comment from Soap that he for sure cheated.
"You didn't win, honey." you laugh to him, sitting at his lap, when he's in his office, alone.
Price arches his eyebrow in amusement. "I did."
"That's not really—"
"Listen, we were tryin' for babies, weren't we? It wasn't egoistical fuckin'." he explains, completely serious.
It takes all in you not to either gasp or laugh again. "So, if it would be without the intention of making babies, you'd lose?"
He gives you a quick nod. "Exactly, missus. Exactly."
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Alejandro Vargas
It's easy to last a few days for Alejandro. Maybe even a week, or a bit more. With his kind of work, being a Colonel, you often didn't see him for days, or even weeks if it was a bad time. Right now, with working over destroying a Mexican cartel, being home was rare for him. Was it saddening? Of course, but you knew what you were doing when you married him, you've talked with him about it for days, maybe weeks, even.
So, maybe that's why he didn't really think much of a challenge when he agreed to it, one of the nights he was drinking with Los Vaqueros. Just for fun, just to make a fun memory in this mess they were in. Days were passing in the blink of an eye with the same routine; a few hours of sleep if he's lucky, patrol, documents, action and repeat. Nothing too fancy, nothing too new for a man of war like he is, he got used to it all.
Harder was the moment he came home to you, where you were waiting for him with your open arms, all needy for his presence, for his touch, but somehow, somehow he managed, giving you the best orgasm of your life with his mouth only, even if he was in need too.
"Cariño?" he calls you, confused, when he doesn't see you in bed in the next morning. In his sweatpants only, he goes to the kitchen, following the sound of pan that sizzles lazily in the background.
"Makin' breakfast, Ale!" you reply, looking behind your shoulder with the biggest smile that slowly falters the moment you see his eyes darkening in the span of seconds. "What's with the face?"
He approaches you slowly, caging you between his arms. "Just… appreciating" he says, as he starts kissing your neck "my little wife. Who's been really patient with me, gone for so many days. And now, you're making me breakfast—" he groans, shaking his head. You can feel his growing bulge, as you grind your ass against it.
It's obvious that Colonel lost the challenge, after he arrives to his work with his wife, his arm possessively around her. Why? Maybe it's your neck covered in hickeys, your trembling legs, or his arms visibly scratched, but no one says anything about it in the base.
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Rodolfo "Rudy" Parra
You have a kind of forbidden romance with him; you're the one of Los Vaqueros, and the romance is absolutely prohibited here, to prevent the collapse of the squad. Not to mention that he's a right hand man of Alejandro, so he has to follows the rules directly. Maybe even more than anyone here, to be honest; setting an example that he's not a exception to the rule.
It doesn't help that you're so kind. That you nod every time you see him as a silent greeting, and then you rush to do whatever you have to do today. It doesn't help him that you're helping everyone around you with a smile that could light up the whole town, and he smiles every time he sees it, too.
Everyone pictures that Rudy would win the challenge easily, since in their heads, his head wasn't occupied with anyone, and he could easily withold himself with his desires.
And maybe he would. Maybe he would, if you weren't the one guarding the base with him, if you weren't the one who was smiling at him with those plump lips of yours.
"If you'd only know how much I thought about… hah—" his breaths are ragged, as the pace of his hips gets quicker. His lips finds yours, as he kisses you with such hunger, you know without a doubt that he means what he says. It automatically makes you smile.
"It's fate that binds us, then" you say, your fingernails clutching at his arms; you're sure that you're the creator of bloody crescents here, but you can't care less about it. Not when the man of your dreams is fucking you.
He smiles at your words.
Rudy never been a good liar, and you painfully learn it, when Alejandro asks him why he's so happy; as you stand nearby, you hear the whole conversation. It's cute in some way, the way he's a blabbering mess, without any sense of it.
It takes Colonel's one look at you, and he knows.
You never walked faster to your work, neither did Rudy.
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Konig
If you think he's gonna even try playing at this, you're in deep denial. Maybe if he'd be alone he could try of a genuine curiosity, but not when he has you. Such a pretty, obedient girlfriend, that he has wrapped around his finger, and a girlfriend that is pretty much at his service every time he wants.
He's a man to laugh about that challenge with his squad, telling them that they're filthy, and he would last the whole month, maybe even longer, if it weren't for you. Because he's such a caring boyfriend, he listens to your needs, even if you're whiny.
At least, that's the story that his squad knows.
He tells you about this while he folds you in half, that he needs to act a little grumpy around his squad, to put a facade that he's hungry because it's the right thing to do. When you suggest that he could even try, he barks a low laugh, while he pumps his cock before thrusting into you.
"Schatz, as if. Not gonna play the kids game." it's all he says, kissing you with affection on your swollen lips. "I do not intend on torturing you like this. You wouldn't survive a day without my dick."
There's some truth to it — but you're truly wondering if that's you who wouldn't survive without his dick, or he, that wouldn't survive without your pussy and sex, considering he is even more of a maniac than you are.
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dividers by cafekitsune
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