#i was only planning to show this to a discord server im in but. felt the world deserved to see

[mercyluvsyouuu]

Hello angel fanatics (myself) please have this picture my brother took while we were touring a cave

Do you. Do you see the vision. Do the formations in the middle not look like an angel to you. Do you see what I mean. Do you see what I me

[fujobritta]

weird storytime and an abed analysis (abednalysis ?)

in s1e17, physical education, abed says that he didnt mind changing for other people because hes comfortable with who he is . a season later, in s2e19, critical film studies, he says instead that he doesnt like change . and now i realize what he really meant when he said that he didnt mind changing .

when i was younger, around 11-12, i would pretend to be other people online . more than five different separate identities in one discord server . because i wanted people to like me more . i made these alt accounts and assigned each one a personality, a different typing style, a reason for joining, a region, and a timezone . and for the most part, they were people who were nicer and just generally likeable . because im not someone who is any of those things . i am not a nice person . i dont even think im a good person . and god i am not likeable . at all .

so i played these characters . most of them only being active for short periods . i would have full back and forth conversations with these alt accounts to sell it . i had these weird insane elaborate plans . a 16 year old former drug user, lives in manitoba, somewhat parental . 13, california, liked minecraft and drawing -- completely different artstyle (and different software) too . etc .

i would let these accounts bake (make them and then not use them) so that it didnt seem suspicious with a brand new account joining the server . then i would spend a week making the account and forming a character to go with it, sometimes asking people to help me out . it was so fucking crazy . i was insane . might still be .

…yeah i probably still am .

i was such a better person on those different accounts . because i didnt know how to change on the inside, i just started over and over again . different account, new me . like i was experimenting with who i really wanted to be like . formulating the perfect person to act like when i finally decided that i wanted to become a better person .

i gave up eventually obviously . im not a tween anymore . i was a really weird tween . obviously . but i think about it a lot .

honestly i only went back to being myself because it was comfortable . i felt better being a fucking douche . and i still am a douche . im not a good person . i dont think ill ever be a "good person" . what the hell is a good person, anyways . all i know is that im fine with myself like this . even as much as i not-so-secretly hate myself, and deny it out of fear of seeming like an "edgy attention seeking loser" .

its not that abed doesnt mind change, he just doesnt mind changing the persona . he doesnt mind changing the person showing on the outside . a separate identity . but ultimately, he wouldnt ever fundamentally change as a person . because hes fine with who he is, even if other people might not like him for that . and i want to be like him . i want to be someone who is fine with who they are, even if that someone is a socially inept ass who learned tenth grade math at age ten but cant figure out when their own face is making a smile or not .

[mitsukibh]

hi it's me again i'm back. let's plot asap~

you may also know me as dasom's mun...here with a second muse that i always told myself wouldn't happen but no sana, no life. i wrote her bio first, so it's a bit more fleshed out than my app. but as always, tldr and some plot bunnies under the cut. feel free to give this post a nice ♡ and i'll be right over to your dms (discord is also available if that's easier)!

tw: kidnapping, death

background

mitsuki takes up the good ‘ol cyclamen canon: once a promising heir to house of gladiolus, now lives in exile

her parents, high ranking knights themselves, raised her up to be the most skilled of knights with the intention of plotting to make her the next proclaimed heir

as soon as she was able to hold a sword, she was trained to wield it

she lived in seclusion, training day and night, knowing nothing but was told to her by her parents. so up until her qualification test, she truly believed that she was set to inherit a great house of powerful knights, but wasn't allowed to until she could prove herself (you can imagine the embarrassment she felt to learn that that wasn't the case)

she was quick to catch on to the situation and channeled her feelings of hurt and betrayal into her test and passed within her first try. she was praised as a prodigy and granted the title of a 1st class knight

from this point on, mitsuki becomes a more active puppet in her parents’ game, using her age to her advantage and getting closer to the 2 gladiolus children

while she didn’t technically know any of the details of the plan, she still assisted her parents in obtaining the information to put the plan into motion. then she turned a blind eye, following along with whatever her parents had in store (read: she’s just as awful and selfish)

overtime she was promoted to the rank of captain and was even gaining more influence and support as the next proclaimed heir by peers. the only thing stopping the kurokawa’s was the second born/acting heir

and so, another plan to “remove” their current obstacle was currently in motion (presumably worse than the first, considering he was no longer a child) until an unseen complication appeared: the first born was found and announced his return home

one by one, their support grew scarce and quickly dwindled, afraid of the rotten truth of his disappearance coming to light. eventually, however, the kurokawa’s were betrayed and one of their former followers sang to the gladiolus house heads like a bird. after a thorough investigation, they were sentenced to death by execution

they were insistent that mitsuki was innocent and uninvolved, thus her life was spared. however, due to her family’s crimes, she was stripped of her titles and banned from the house of gladiolus, forced to live in exile

she is generally unmotivated now and just wants to live quietly, not attracting any attention to herself

works as a server at the moon tavern to earn some living wages, but generally helps tend to the landlord’s farm land every now and then to show appreciation for him taking her in despite how her circumstances may affect his standing with house of gladiolus

potential plots/connections

natural enemy: she’s selfish and needs someone to blame aside from herself. she’s bitter towards house of gladiolus and anyone affiliated

secret garden: someone who snuck into the kurokawa household when she trained as a child

journey to the past: they once shared the field as fellow gladiolus knights, so you believe that there was more to the story than what was whispered amongst the house of gladiolus

toxic: your muse wants to take advantage of mitsuki’s anger and overthrow the houses with her formidable skills

it’s my first time making an attempt at a potentially darker muse so bare with me pls LOL more ideas will probably come through brainstorming im sure

[keefwho]

July 24 - 2023 Monday

10:43 PM

Today I felt very bleh, like my head was empty. Might be due to the missed sleep the past couple days so I’ll be sure to get to bed on time tonight for real. 

For breakfast I had half a totino’s pizza, a pear cup, and a couple oreos. I spent my brief free time playing Neopets games. 

The stream went okay. My warmup kinda sucked because I’m trying to figure out a way to do sketches on my sketch sheet then finish those on a new canvas while still retaining the feeling that everything is real loose. For a little bit I was just finishing them as low res thumbnails on the sketch sheet itself but the point of the sheet is to be a collection of incomplete and experimental things. Having completed drawing in it does not sit right with me but taking a sketch and moving it to a new canvas makes it feel more important than it is. The point is to make a little doodle that turned out good enough to post, not a pre-planned successful kind of drawing. Im sure I’ll figure something out. I feel there is a lot I need to improve on with my process and how exactly I color including the actual brush settings. There will be lots of experimenting in my future. Also on stream we finally got to watch more episodes of Rugrats because we watched the movie that ties seasons together this weekend in Discord. We also watching Courage and I’m thinking we will watch 1 episode of each show a day. I only did half commission time today and spent a little more time finishing an emote commission I had. 

After stream I did my workout in it’s entirety despite how physically tired I felt. I really had to push through this one but that’s kind of the point isn’t it. I meant to clean up first but I forgot so I cleaned up after my shower. In the shower I was about to ask my friend straight up if I had permission to think about them while I took care of myself but I decided to do it to something else intentionally. I’ve briefly brought this up to them before. I think it’s given that sometimes we jerk off to each other without the other knowing. However I know how she feels about being sexualized and sometimes I can’t help but wonder if she would actually appreciate me thinking about her like that on my own time sometimes. It bothers me enough that I do think it would good to ask permission beforehand or have a brief discussion about it. This might be weird of me but I’m just listening to how I feel. I respect her tremendously and want to exercise expressing that. 

For lunch I was excited to make a hearty helping of Rice a Roni with lentils, meatballs, broccoli, green beans, and onions. It turned out okay as usual but I was hoping it came out better. It was still a solid meal. I invested more time into Neopets while it cooked. I’m enjoying some of the minigames. 

I feel I did a poor job on today’s request. The whole time I was thinking about how I want to make something I can be proud of but it just wasn’t coming together. It came out okayish but I wanted to do better. Next I spent an hour working on a TOTK pic of my otter and my friend’s sona. I mostly tidied up the sketch and then completely lined it, taking extra care to do a good job so thats why it took so long. After that work was officially over but I wanted to do more so I briefly setup the new horse avatar I got so I can start turning it into my most recent horse sona. 

I spent time in my friend’s server where there was a lot of negative talk about one of my other friends about his overly sexual behavior. I felt sort of bad because it was more or less shit talking them behind their back and I was just going along with it. Usually if I talk about him with others, its coming from a place of at least mild affection. Some of this was just mean though. 

Tonight I watched my friend give me a sort of rundown of the Neopets website and some of it’s history, I liked listening to her about it. I love hearing her be passionate about anything. After that we hopped on Pony Town for a tiny bit and looked at characters people made before checking out my little house and giving each other horse kisses. I started dinner while she headed up to bed and we chatted a bit. 

Today I wasn’t proud of much. Just the usual amount of proud for doing things to the best of my ability. I did well on my workout especially, and doing that little bit of extra avatar work. 

For some reason my self perspective was very lacking today. I kinda just wasn’t there, at least not in a great capacity. Looking back there were moments that would have benefitted me being more involved in the present. Spending time with anyone is a good example because it only becomes truly meaningful if I am offering my full attention and appreciation. Tomorrow will be another day to exercise my awareness and put it to good use. 

[v-t-holmes]

.

[kriimhild]

Im asking as anonymous because im have social angsiety and this is the only way i feel i can remotly do it i have debated around a month of how to just go about talking about this and today i tryed to join the security breach show server on discord and imiditly left cause of how scared i got i havent posted my own stuff on my blog bevause im scared and just wanted to know....how the heck do you do it how the heck do you have the courage to do what you do? Heck im trying to write i fan fiction only to scrap it like once every two days....

It's something that artists have to learn (if they want to). In order for people to remember you, they have to know you. And the easiest way to do that is to publish. I see a lot of people afraid to publish, and mostly because they're afraid of disappointment. The negative feedback they might get. All I can always say is think about what could happen. I've never written next to my drawings that I am in a developing phase, because I'll always be in a developing phase. Even now. But if you feel safer that way, Feel free to make a fine print stating that you are a beginner. But never write something like "I know I'm suck. Don't look at it, I'm so terrible." If someone still says it sucks, give a big, thicc shit. As long as they can articulate what they don't like about our art, we should be happy with that, because it smells like a constructive criticism, which is very important in development. And if all you get is "lol you suck, your art's suck!" kind of message, then…well…what do you do with that? Delete the hell out of it and ignore. Someone's not paying attention to what their kid's doing again. At the first hand, you work for your own entertainment. There'll be people who love you and protect from any bully. You know, one of the hardest things about being an artist is learning to hold up your middle finger when you need to. I'll tell you smth. My partner's one of the most serious critics I know. He looked at my recent animation and said it had little to do with the lyrics. Ngl, I felt like shit. It wasn't the art the main problem, but the fact that I can't English properly and I'm listening to the rhythm, because I'm an instrumental person. For almost two weeks I've been trying to figure out how the two are related. If it doesn't work out, I'll just do it the way I originally planned. The audience will decide if they like it. If not, I'll think about my next clips. Do whatever you want, it's your imagination, your hand, your pen.

(I found this on Twitter, and I love it) We try to keep the server safe and clean, and the whole staff puts a lot of work into making sure that everyone's comfortable and has a good time in the community. It's not easy, because every day more people join and it's harder and harder to keep an eye on everything. Nevertheless, we're trying. If someone behaves rudely, we'll look at them with an angry-mom looking. I think the server is a safe place for a young, fresh newcomer to get to know people. We can't look after artists one by one, but we try to give out support and advice as much as we can. I don't know how much this message has helped, but I hope that I've encouraged you to share whatever you have with the world.

[radexchangeprogram]

HI IM ON SPRING BREAK SO I ACTUALLY HAVE TIME TO WRITE SOMETHING

This was an idea a friend of mine in a discord server pitched and I thought it was rlly cute so I wanted to write it!

Dinner Duty with the Brothers (GN!MC)

I hope this makes up for me not posting for a little while :’)

Lucifer

Lucifer isn’t on dinner duty often because of how busy he is.

You usually offer to help him out after he’s had a particularly long day and you can just tell he needs it.

He really appreciates it since he hates being the one to ask for help (his pride could never).

VERY PRECISE MEASUREMENTS! He does not like to just eyeball ingredients and will bring out all sorts of measuring utensils.

He directs you a lot in the kitchen and leads the way. You mostly just hand him ingredients and do some simple prep work while he handles the more complex things.

Surprisingly relaxed in the kitchen when it’s just the two of you. Sometimes he hums while cooking but will never admit it.

When he’s in the kitchen, he puts up a ward to keep Beelzebub out. You nearly had a heart attack when you saw Beel try to charge through it the first time while you were cooking fried cockatrice.

Overall his food is 10/10 and it’s pleasant to just do something as domestic as cooking with him.

Mammon

You are probably the biggest reason that his cooking has improved.

You offered to help him in the kitchen first after about a month of being there when you noticed how the brothers would conveniently order take out or have other plans when it was his night to cook. (Even Beel says that Mammon isn’t a good cook, it’s just not deadly like a certain sourcer’s.)

Has a tendency to over season the food. You have to tell him that he does not need more hell pepper flakes!

Also gets distracted and will forget that he has something cooking. Why is there smoke?

Because he does not want to be the one to fight off a hungry Beelzebub, you usually have to use the pact.

A solid 5/10 food on a good day with your help.

Leviathan

Refuses to admit that he’s actually not a bad cook. He has a lot of confidence issues ok?

Usually likes to take inspiration from anime for what he makes!

He’ll ask you if you want to make something based off of the food he saw characters in his latest anime obsession eat.

The dishes are usually pretty cutesy and require a lot of different cut shapes so you’ll learn a lot of knife skills!

Is also not one for handling a hungry Beel so you will have to use the pact to prevent everything from being eaten.

Overall his food is an 8/10!

Satan

He’s always been one to try out new things and cooking is not an exception.

He definitely has a few cookbooks in his massive collection and would love to try some of them out!

The only issue is, some of the stuff he pulls out is stuff that takes YEARS to master.

Given his sin, he can get a bit...frustrated (pissed) if things don’t work out.

You started to approve recipes that are still fun, but not anger inducing after he did Beel level damage to the kitchen once.

He’s good at following instructions, but knows enough to give things his own twist.

He likes to talk while cooking, usually about a book he’s reading or the latest episode of a show.

Is one of the brothers able to fight back against Beel because Diavolo forbid he has to remake the dough again.

Overall, 9/10! One point taken off for when he gets frustrated.

Asmodeus

He is the kind of cook that sees food trends on social media and absolutely has to try it!

Devildom equivalent of the feta-tomato pasta trend will absolutely be made for dinner.

He doesn’t mind getting messy in the kitchen as long as he has an apron.

Also made you a matching apron because you just needed one.

Live blogs the entire cooking process on his Devilgram story and is sure to take cute photos of the finished product.

He is really good at plating food and making it look picture perfect!

Like Satan, he likes to give food its own twist! Unlike Satan, he does not always know what spices work the best together. Sometimes you have to tell him that no, rose water in minotaur stew is not a good flavor combination, even if it sounds aesthetically pleasing.

DO NOT ASK HIM TO FIGHT BEEL THINK OF HIS HAIR!!!

Overall, 7/10 food!

Beelzebub

Everyone knows Beel has been banned from kitchen duty, but he felt really left out seeing you be able to cook with everyone else :(

When you were able to convince Lucifer to let him try cooking dinner with you he was so excited!

You ended up having to make like 3 batches of each thing, but it was worth it because he’s so cute!

You have to scold him sometimes when you catch his hand reaching for the food and he gives you a look like a guilty puppy.

He really does try to hold back his gluttony for you, you only had to use the pact once while cooking with him and that was only because he had a really rough practice and was starving.

You have to watch him when he helps prep ingredients so that they aren’t all eaten.

Overall, 4/10. It’s more like baby sitting while cooking with him, but he’s just so cute 🥺

Belphegor

The only reason he’s helping is because he gets to spend time with you (clingy).

He’s picked up a lot of cooking skills from centuries of making snacks for his twin.

He likes to make more classic, recognizable dishes like burgers because they’re easier and still taste good.

Sometimes it just turns into him laying on an unused counter and telling you what to do because he cannot be bothered to do it himself.

He likes to talk to you about some of the human food you like to eat, telling you about Devildom equivalents. (He wants to do better about reconnecting with human culture as he’s gotten closer with you)

Is the absolute master at managing his twin. He’s the only one who can convince a hungry Beelzebub to leave the kitchen without using magic or violence.

He’s a solid 8/10, points taken away because sometimes he doesn’t do any of the work.

[megazardx2]

Amphibia Week: DAY 4 (How I Got Into Amphibia)

Hey, everyone! MegaZardX2 here, and this is my fourth post for @picturejasper20′s Amphibia Week! If any of you fellow Amphibia fans want to celebrate your love for this awesome show along with us, then click on the link below to find out more:

https://picturejasper20.tumblr.com/post/682350306192916480/hello-amphibia-fans-im-organizing-a-fandom

For today’s Amphibia week post, I’ll be talking about how I got hooked onto this funny frog show in the first place! Gather around the campfire, because it’s an epic tale filled with many twists and turns! 

Alright, perhaps I’m overselling it a bit. Still, I hope you enjoy hearing about my story regardless! 

I sadly didn’t have the pleasure of getting into Amphibia until 2020, a whole year after Season 1 ended. As a huge fan of isekais (yes, even trashy ones), I found myself intrigued by the show’s premise, but I never could have predicted just how much I’d fall in love with it. The world of Amphibia was wonderfully wild and deadly, the themes surrounding found family and toxic friendships really struck a chord with me, and I fell in love with all the characters, even the side ones! I was caught off-guard by the intensity of Reunion, but little did I know that was just a prelude for what I would experience later on.

After watching S1, I found myself hungry for more, and luckily, Season 2 dropped soon after, gifting me with more excellent episodes and Marcy freaking Wu, who was one of the brightest spots of my whole year. I fell off Amphibia after Season 2A finished, but I jumped back on just in time to catch up before True Colors--well, before True Colors was planned to air, anyway. Of course, the episode was delayed, and then it leaked. I tried to avoid spoilers, but eventually, I learned about Marcy’s untimely “death.” I cried for a solid three hours and was sick to my stomach for about two days before I finally calmed down and reminded myself “hey, this is a Disney show! Surely they’re gonna bring her back! Besides, at least now the episode can’t do anything more to hurt me. We already know Sasha’s gonna betray everyone, and Andrias is obviously evil, so that’s all the bases covered! Hooray for me!” 

And then the episode came out proper and utterly DESTROYED me. 

This scene--heck, True Colors in its entirety, but especially this scene--broke me like nothing I’d ever watched. Even now, I can barely look at this scene and not tear up. It was and still is that powerful for me. After watching True Colors, I was began to legitimately question what kind of ending the show would have. Would the trio’s friendship work out? Heck, would all of them even survive, now that Amphibia had shown that it had no qualms with killing its characters in such a graphic manner, even if, in Marcy’s case, it was only temporary? What could I expect from Season 3? I had complete Amphibia brainrot...and it was amazing! I’d never experienced anything like it with any work of media since Pokemon, and at the time, Gen 8 and the various fandom controversies were really souring my love of the franchise. Thus, Amphibia quickly became my brand-new hyperfixation (but it also ended up driving me away from, like, 90% of isekais. Oh well! Sacrifices must be made for the greater good!) 

It was then that I finally decided to join the fandom proper. I got onto the r/Amphibia Discord, made a good friend in @spomby (love ya too, buddy), and quickly bounced once I’d had enough of the cacophony and joined a smaller server. I also saw a lot of analysis posts and videos detailing stuff I had missed during my viewing of Season 2 (especially stuff surrounding Marcy), and I felt like a total moron, but in a good way, since the show had completely blindsided me in a way that I hadn’t been in a long, long time. 

Y’all know the rest from my post for Day 1. S3 was good but got a bit stressful for me as it wore on up until the Beginning of the End. Now, here I am, 100% hyped for All in, ESPECIALLY Sasha vs. Darcy. This show’s been so amazing thus far, and I’m so excited to see how it all ends. 

----------------

Thank y’all for reading! Tune in next time for a post which will cover Days 5 and 6 of Amphibia Week, when I talk about my favorite creature and favorite piece of music from the series. This is MegaZardX2, signing off!

[theonlygamergost]

My enemy, ally and friend

Technoblade deeply misses Wilbur and Phil, to a point where he thinks their friendship and the SleepyBoisInc was based on a lie, fortunately, he now has by his side an enemy, now teammate, and most definitely a new friend. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reviewed by the amazing @im-default

Enjoy~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sometimes it was hard recollecting your thoughts, maybe it was the sleepiness, maybe it was the quantity of thoughts, either way, sometimes the only thing Techno could do to stop the storm inside his head was to sit down on the edge of a cliff and watch the world silently.

It was still, yet bursting with life… it was silent, yet full of all kinds of sounds.

Techno took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a few seconds: he had found a monster he could not slay with a sword and shield… neither with arrows and potions.

The thought of abandonment was something brute force couldn’t defeat.

Let’s address the elephant in the room, shall we?

Since Techno had been split apart from the SleepyBoisInc in Minecraft Championship, Techno could not shake off the feeling of getting abandoned… no… left out?.. no… he felt like an immovable burden was lifting off of Wilbur’s and Phil’s shoulders… and that burden… was him.

He had begged them to always team together because he was uncomfortable teaming up with unknown players… yes, they agreed but…

What if they were doing it only to please him? What if they didn’t care about him?

What if they were happy he couldn’t team with them anymore?

A shiver went down Techno’s spine, he didn’t think that was true… wasn’t it?

He sighed and took his head between his hands, shaking lightly.

There was no way that was right… They were the SleepyBois! Three great friends that always had each others backs… right?

Techno had recently gotten out of the potato war, meaning that he didn’t have a lot of time to talk to them, they supported him, listening to his rambles for hours��� But what if Tommy was a better friend than him?

Tommy was energetic and played way more with Phil and Wilbur than Techno ever did.

What if?.. no… there’s no way…

…

But what if?

Techno looked at the valley underneath him, the Minecraft Champions server wasn’t the most aesthetically pleasing one, but it served its purpose: It helped Youtubers and Streamers alike to practice for the next competitions, Techno didn’t spend a lot of time in here, but when he did it was always pretty full, allowing players to get in a discord call and talk without the eyes of viewers and fans on them.

DIstracting himself from his thoughts by looking around was working quite well… but he couldn’t ignore it anymore…

What if Tommy was slowly taking his place in the SleepyBoisInc?

A shiver went down his spine. He desperately hoped he was wrong…

But this feeling was more real than he liked to admit.

Oh so many times he had seen the three of them in a call, oh so many times he had seen them playing till morning together…

“Lost in thoughts, Technoblade?”

He snapped his head in the direction of the unexpected voice. He wasn’t expecting to see the blonde boy with the green hoodie to be honest, but they didn’t have to pretend to be enemies anymore, he didn’t have to be alarmed of his presence anymore…  so he relaxed the shoulders he didn’t know he tensed up.

“Yeah… something like that…”

It was a reflect of his to always place a hand on his sword when he heard movements behind him, so he moved it back to his lap, spine curved and head looking down.

“Chin up king, your crown is falling”

Dream quickly caught Techno’s crown which was slowly threatening to slip off the head it was placed on.

Techno couldn’t help but flinch at that comment… they always said that to him… Phil and Wilbur always said those words to cheer him up when he wasn’t feeling too well or his anxiety had taken over… Wilbur and Phil…

Dream noticed how sad Techno looked, and how trapped in his own mind he was, it was a common recurrence lately, but Dream had never had the guts to ask him since Techno could be… aggressive and over-protective without realizing it, and Dream was scared to bother him, so he never asked.

But it’s now or never, right?

“What’s going on Techno? You look lost”

In a way, you aren’t wrong, he thought, but said nothing, fidgeting with the soft fur of his cape.

The blonde boy stiffly sat down next to him, admiring the view as well, legs dangling off the cliff.

“Look Techno,” the crowned pig turned his head so he could see the green hoodie, but not his face, “I-I know we haven’t talked much… and we were… quote on quote rivals ‘till recently… but if anything is on your mind, a-anything at all… I’ll be here to listen”

Dream was stuttering more in his brain than he actually was, talking to Techno as a friend was something he never imagined and it took him time to get used to it… but he cared for Techno… even if they had the same age, to him, Techno knew way more and he looked up at him like some sort of… idol… even if he had more subscribers than him.

The pig-skinned man still wasn’t looking at him, Dream felt like he messed up, like he wasn’t supposed to be there, so they sat in silence next to each other, one freaking out, the other debating with himself.

Did Dream need to know about his theory of the Sbi? Did he need to know that he missed them dearly and was scared to confront them, even if it was just a casual greet?

No… he didn’t need to… he thought to himself, but Phil always told him that keeping his thoughts to himself wasn’t going to make a difference so…

“Are you sad that the Dream team got split up in Mcc?”

Dream was so surprised to hear Techno’s voice he jumped, he was even more surprised that the question was addressed to him.

“Uh… uhm… well… y-yeah? I guess I’m kinda sad that I c-can’t play with th-them? They are my best friends after a-all… “

Dream was taken off guard and his stuttering was inevitable.

He never stuttered when they were live or recording since Dream told himself that Techno was talking to him to make content and entertain, so he was able to act cocky in front of him since he was “better than Technoblade”... he knew that statement wasn’t wrong, but if Techno would set his mind to it, he could easily surpass him.

“Well… I’m… very sad I can’t play with Phil and Will but… “

Was he ready to expose himself? Was he ready to get judged by Dream? No… not really… Techno was one to keep his burdens all to himself, placing a smile as a curtain to avoid everyone seeing what was hiding inside.

Wilbur and Phil could see straight through his act and they would annoy him until he let out everything… but they weren’t there right now, they weren’t there for him… but Dream was.

“I honestly miss them very much… I know I was the first one to find myself a team without them... yet… something is bothering me-”

“You’re afraid to get replaced?”

Techno’s eyes widened as he turned to face the blonde boy with a white mask, in complete shock.

“H-how did you..?”

Dream smirked, collecting his legs and squeezing them into his chest.

“I was afraid of that too… Have you ever watched a manhunt video with BadBoyHalo in it?”

Techno nodded, imitating Dream by bringing his right leg to his chest.

“The synergy between George Sapnap and BBH is amazing, Bad is an amazing leader and while I was being silent not to give myself away… They laughed, joked and had tons of fun together… and as much as I tried to join in… They even ignored me from time to time… hell, they even called themself the “Three Muffinteers”... I honestly was scared they were replacing me with Bad…”

Techno looked at the server in front of them, the players looked like ants from where he was standing.

“And what did you do?”

Dream looked at Techno and sighed, his stuttering went away in a heartbeat, Techno was vulnerable. He was asking him help, Dream, his enemy, from the eyes of the fanbase… Dream had a hard time not to freak out like a fanboy, but this was serious, Techno was serious, and so was going to be his attempt to help him.

“Nothing, I was actually very sad for the entire night…”

Techno looked down, already hopeless.

“But the next day, as I joined a call, George and Sapnap were there, happy to hear from me… acting like the day before never happened.”

Techno tilted his head in confusion, Dream took a deep breath and turned to face him, “Look Techno, they can’t replace you, everyone is their own person, with their own personality, quality and flaws, even if it looks like Tommy is taking your place, he can’t replace you because he isn’t you!”

Techno was astonished by Dream’s words, he had recently watched a couple of his videos to understand what type of players he was and all he had seen was a confident, solitary player who thought almost always two steps ahead and never went in without a plan. Realizing these kind words were coming from him, they definitely made him look more human… same with himself showing Dream this insecurity of his, made him look human too.

“C’mere Techno, you look like you need a hug”

Techno was pulled in an embrace he didn’t expect nor want, his whole body was stiff because of the unwanted human touch, but he wasn’t a robot, he wasn’t perfect, and as he looked at the green of Dream’s hoodie and the blonde of his hair, the memories poured in.

Phil…

He couldn't hold in the sobs at this point and broke down.

Dream imagined how hard for his pride this had to be, crying on a shoulder of someone he barely knew, he just remained silent, trying his hardest not to move to break this moment.

~~~~~

After the hiccups calmed down, Techno’s weight shifted and Dream took it as a sign to let him go, his eyes were red from the tears and his cheeks were still full of tears, so was Dream shoulder.

“S-sorry about that…”

Techno apologized while looking at the wet spots on the other man’s hoodie, turning away from him to blow his nose.

“Don’t worry, we all need to cry sometimes, I’m happy I was able to help you… as a teammate… and a friend”

Dream cringed instantly, thinking he pushed his luck too far by calling him friend, but Techno just smiled at the comment, wiping the remaining tears away with his sleeve.

“I might not be Wilbur or Philza but… if you ever need anything, please don’t hesitate to ask, I promise i won’t judge”

Techno was looking beneath him, he smiled again before he placed a hand on Dream’s shoulder to help himself get up.

“Thank you, I'll’ keep that in mind... Now, I’m kinda hungry, I know a place that makes good burgers, want to go get something to eat? it’s on me” he extended his arm to Dream, pointing at it with his eyes.

It was Dream’s turn to smile, he took Techno’s hand to help him get up, “I can’t refuse, can I? Well then, lead the way” he gestured Techno to go first, when he started walking, Dream following right after.

“Want to 1v1 later? I could teach you some tricks about 1.9 combat if you’d like”

“What a nerd, always thinking about practicing… sure, why not? But don’t complain if you get destroyed, I’m better than you think I am”

They both laughed, hands in pockets and diamond sword strapped on their back.

Maybe opening up to him wasn’t such a bad idea.

[max-is-tired]

Everything (everything will be just fine)

Pairing: established background Anxceitmus, the fic itself is Virgil-centric

Characters: Virgil Sanders, Deceit Sanders, Remus Sanders

Words: 1.304

Warnings: one (1) light sexual innuendo, deadnaming, misgendering, controlling parents, swearing, sympathetic Remus & Deceit

Notes: man I keep posting these fics later and later uh nsakjscncjk anyway, have some Virgil being confident and standing up to his parents, heck yeah. Also, big thanks to @figurative-siren-song for the prompt, I sure had lots of fun writing it <3

Commission me!!  Buy me a coffee!!  Join my Discord server!!  AO3!!

To say that Virgil was anxious would have been an understatement.

Every nerve of his body felt as if it was on fire, his heart beating wildly in his chest as he fought with everything he had not to break down right in the middle of the living room -there was no way his parents were going to miss that, and then he’d have to explain why exactly he was having an anxiety attack and he really did not want to do that.

Not yet at least, not until he was out of the house and ready to leave. If anything were to happen before that, Virgil was 99% sure things would not end up great. For him, anyway.

His phone buzzed in his hoodie pocket, startling him out of his thoughts.

[HissHissMotherfucker] hey, hows it going over there?

[GreenGoblinMan] ik i already offered but if you need me to i still have enough time to come over

[GreenGoblinMan] my morning star and i are great at emotional support :{D

Virgil snorted, shaking his head with a smile -god, why did he have to fall in love with these two dorks?

[RacoonMan] skjcndkjcn

[RacoonMan] we’re about to start loading up the trunk, so the Talk hasnt happened yet

[RacoonMan] and i think ill take a raincheck on that one, rem. i dont want to have to bail you out again

[GreenGoblinMan] awww D}:

[HissHissMotherfucker] dont worry spider, ill make sure he doesnt try to sneak out

[HissHissMotherfucker] do let us know when youre on your way though, we’ve got nightmare before christmas and black cauldron all set up and ready to go

[GreenGoblinMan] and i made grilled cheese!!! the edible kind, dee didnt let me play with any fun ingredients this time

[RacoonMan] you guys know im not big on cheesy shit

[RacoonMan] but god i love you a lot right now

[GreenGoblinMan] ilyt vevee!! and you can show us just how much you love us when you get here :{D

[HissHissMotherfucker] aaaaaaaand moment gone

Virgil huffed out another small laugh, bringing up the keyboard to type out an answer, only to be interrupted by the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs. Quickly, he slipped his phone back into his pocket, taking in a deep breath as he steeled himself for what was about to come.

“Anne!” his mother called, stepping into the living room with a big smile. “Are you ready, dear?”

Virgil barely let himself wince at the mention of his deadname, far too used to it by now -if everything went according to plan, after today he wasn’t going to hear that name ever again anyway.

“Yup, all packed up and ready to be loaded in the car.”

Virgil’s dad nodded in understanding, the last of the boxes from upstairs still perched up in his arms.

“Very well, then let’s get started,” he said, gesturing with his head towards the front door they’d opened beforehand.

Virgil nodded, crouching down to take a few boxes of his own. Immediately, his mother shot forward, resting her hand on his forearm with a frown.

“Honey, let your dad handle the heavy lifting,” she said, voice sickeningly sweet, “that’s not something a girl should have to deal with.”

“Well, thank fuck I’m not a girl then,” Virgil wanted to say, feeling the familiar irritation bubble up in his gut. Still, he kept silent, biting the inside of his cheek until the urge passed.

Just a little more. He had to deal with all of this just a little bit more.

“Don’t worry mom, I got this,” he said instead, carefully shrugging her hand away. “Besides, if I let dad do all the work then I’d risk being late and getting stuck in the rush hour traffic, which I really don’t want to deal with.”

His mother huffed but relented, following Virgil out of the door as he went to settle the boxes on the asphalt beside the open trunk.

“I still don’t understand why you wouldn’t want us to come with, honestly,” she kept pressing, crossing her arms in obvious displeasure. “We can help you set your room up, make sure everything is alright…”

And that’s exactly why I don’t want you to come, Virgil thought, resisting the urge to roll his eyes as he walked back towards the house.

It didn’t take them long to load the whole car up, and before Virgil knew it, everything was set up and ready to go.

Well, time to get this show on the road, he guessed.

“We can still come with you, you know that right?” his father remarked for the fifth time in less than an hour. “Your college is not too far away, after all.”

“At least text us once you get there,” his mother huffed, “and remember, no pit stops or something of the like. Drive straight to your dorm, you understand me, young girl?”

This time, Virgil did roll his eyes, walking around the car towards the driver’s seat. “Don’t worry mom, the only place I want to be right now is my apartment.”

Virgil could almost pinpoint the moment his words registered for his parents, instinctively tightening his hand around his phone as his heart started to speed up again.

The device buzzed and he looked down again, seeing the new message blinking up at him from the screen.

[HissHissMotherfucker] you can do this, Virgil. We believe in you

Virgil smiled, his grip loosening as a sudden surge of confidence filled his chest. With Dee and Remus by his side, he felt as if he could overcome anything.

“You’re going to a college dorm, Anne, not an apartment,” his mother pointed out, eyes reduced to slits as she dared him to contradict her.

Virgil met her gaze head-on, the most unafraid he’d ever felt around his parents.

“Nope,” he said, popping the ‘p’, “I’m going to my apartment, where my boyfriends are waiting for me. I told you I didn’t want to go to college, not my fault you didn’t listen.”

“And what, you’re going to throw away your future like that?!” his father asked, looking absolutely flabbergastered. “You need your college degree, you can’t just throw away years of work and savings because you want to be rebellious!”

“No, you were the one who wanted me to go to college!” Virgil countered, ignoring the way his heart jumped in his chest when his father raised his voice. “I told you I wasn’t interested, but you never listened! Because what do I know, right? It’s not like this is my life we’re talking about or anything! And you can keep that money, I don’t need it -I have my own, and a job waiting just for me as soon as I settle in my new home.”

“You’re making a mistake,” his father warned, voice low and angry in a way that made Virgil’s stomach instinctively twist in fear. “Don’t think you’ll be able to just crawl back here for forgiveness when your little plan blows up.”

“Oh don’t worry, I’m not planning on it,” Virgil seethed, finally entering the car and starting the engine.

“Don’t you dare drive out of this driveway, young lady!” his mother shouted, slamming her hand on the car seat on Virgil’s right. “No daughter of mine will go waste her life with such bad influences!”

“Well, thank god I’m not your daughter then,” Virgil shot back, before pressing his foot over the accelerator and finally, finally leaving everything behind.

Once he reached a red light at an intersection, he let out a relieved laugh, resting his head on the steering wheel. Grinning, he slipped out his phone, typing out a quick text before taking the first turn towards his new life.

[RacoonMan] get ready to unload an entire car worth of things fuckers

[RacoonMan] im coming

[hergan416]

For the Chocolate / Kisses prompt in the MF Discord server

Written in the YGO/One Piece Crossover universe created for Seek and Ye Shall Find.

While the main fic is rated M, the work below is rated T. 

I ended up just giving up and deciding to post it. Sorry for any mistakes that still exist. Hopefully Japan is accurate enough--as a dumb white American I know nothing except what google, and a very nice person from the Yugioh mini-exchange discord server, have told me.

(I reserve the right to edit this before I add any of it to the main story).

Katakuri stood in front of the proffered address, passed from Pegasus’ hands to his own, warily. His presence no longer seemed to be jail-worthy, as he’d been released, but he was sure that it had something to do with the influence of the white haired man and the conversation they had had.

He could see into the window of the bedroom above the shop from his full height, the bright red lettering reading “Kame Game” above the shop’s door passing his chest like a t-shirt slogan. A small man sat on a bed, zoned out in front of one of the square boxes he'd learned to call TVs, a corded remote in his hands. His face screwed together closely in concentration, and his whole body moved as he pushed the buttons on the controller.

Katakuri crouched, feeling intrusive. The glass panes on the store's doorframe revealed an equally miniscule shop interior. Katakuri would never fit inside, even if he could make it past the front door. He raised a hand to knock twice on the glass, rattling the frame a bit, despite the fact he'd attempted to be gentle.

The noise attracted the attention of the shopkeeper behind the counter. The short, graying man glanced up, widening his eyes in shock. He paced slowly towards the door, pushing it open hesitantly. 

“May I help you?” he asked.

“I’m looking for Yugi,” Katakuri stated, glancing down at the short man, who was still nearly half Kakauri’s stature when he bent in two like this. “Is that you?”

“Oh no,” the man chuckled fondly. “That’s my grandson. I’ll get him for you.” The man glanced up at Katakuri curiously, but made no comment as he turned back inside the store. Katakuri watched him shuffle to the back of the shop to open a door, yelling up the stairs behind it. 

Momentarily, the short man from the bedroom bolted down the stairs past his grandfather, glancing out the shop door with a confused expression. As soon as he saw Katakuri, however, some understanding crossed his face.

Katakuri would normally have predicted someone to have turned away and become worried based on that look. Yugi, however, smiled widely and walked out the door to talk to him.

“Hello!” Yugi greeted, and Katakuri blinked.

“Hello,” he responded, wondering what Yugi’s gambit was, and wishing once more that using his future sight under this world’s conditions didn’t make him feel so ill.

“Jounouchi told me about meeting you,” Yugi said again, grin not leaving his face.

That made Yugi’s response even more confusing. Katakuri needed control over the conversation. To try to preemptively dispel any of Yugi’s worries, displayed or not, he asked, “Did he tell you that I’m visiting from another world?” 

Yugi only shook his head excitedly. “No, just that you first appeared in the Kaiba Dome, and that you were strong. But you don’t seem dangerous.”

Not dangerous? What was wrong with him?

“What can I do for you?” Yugi asked, looking up at Katakuri patiently. He had to crane his neck, even with Katakuri bent over like this, not being much taller than his grandfather.

Either way, if Yugi wanted to get to the point of the conversation, Katakuri had no issue. “My mom likes sweets,” Katakuri started. “Before I go home, I want to bring some samples back for her, as a present.”

“Oh! That makes sense!” Yugi beamed. He couldn’t really be that gullible, could he? “I can help you find some treats to bring her. There are a lot of interesting candies in Japan.”

Katakuri nodded. “Thank you.”

Yugi smiled broadly. “I think my partner might be helpful too, if you don’t mind another tagging along?”

Katakuri blinked. “Sure?” he replied.

“Great! Ryou loves cream puffs, I don’t want to show you the best bakery in town without bringing them along. Let me call them!”

Yugi was so cheerful. Katakuri could so easily kill him, why was he so carefree? And why did Yugi say Ryou was a “them?”

Yugi had pulled a small, shiny purple device from his pocket and flipped it open, pressing a few digits on the interior keypad of the phone. While the ringing Katakuri could hear faintly was different than a den den, the familiar "clank" proceeded the voice of another human answering was reminiscent of the creatures.

"Hey Yugi! What's up?"

"Wanna get some cream puffs?" Yugi asked excitedly, not mentioning Katakuri.

"Always! What's the occasion?" came the muffled voice on the other line.

"I have a new friend that is shopping for sweets for their mom." Yugi glanced at Katakuri, as though making a mental note. 

Katakuri had been struck by the turn of phrase in which he had been also called they, and had stopped listening momentarily to Ryou’s response.

"I forgot to ask," Yugi replied guilty, loudly enough to interrupt Katakuri’s thoughts. He put his hand over the phone and gestured up at Katakuri to get his attention.

"What are your pronouns?"

His what? Katakuri blinked.

"I use he/him," Yugi continued, gesturing towards himself. "Ryou uses they/them." He gestured at the electronic device. Ryou was not a she or a he, it seemed like. Intriguing. He wondered what a person like that would be like. This world was interesting.

Why did Yugi think he might be a they/them too? Was something off about his masculinity in this world? Everyone at home was quick to call him a him. Having an option now seemed...interesting. Maybe he should try it, try to be a they/them. Not have to be a brother for a minute.

But what if they found out? There had to be some classification for being a they/them, unique to this world. And not being from this world, he likely didn’t have it.

"He/him," Katakuri replied, his voice expressing doomed finality.

"He, sorry," Yugi said into the phone, repeating the information without comment as to how long it took Katakuri to answer, or the tone of his voice. Katakuri felt a pang of regret at the pronoun choice, then shoved all the feelings about the conversation away. It wasn’t fair to Yugi, or his family, or anyone.

Katakuri listened intently as the information which had seemed so important moments ago was glossed over. All that, just to be met with smiles and grins, and questions about where they should meet.

"We're in front of Kame Game right now, but we could probably start heading towards downtown and meet you there. I don't think he will fit in a taxi."

"Oh! Is this that giant guy from the news?!" Ryou sounded excited. "I thought it was just a myth. Maybe he has information about other cryptids!" Katakuri blinked. Why would he know anything about this world’s cryptids?

Yugi chuckled into the receiver. "Meet you at New Domnio Baked Goods. We should head out sooner rather than later."

Ryou assented, and the phone call ended.

"My name is Katakuri," Katakuri added, realizing he had not said so before.

"Nice to meet you. It seems like you at least knew of me, I'm Yugi," Yugi replied, holding out his hand.

As Katakuri took it, he was conscious not to squeeze at all. He doubted that anyone on earth had the constitution to withstand a proper handshake, and Yugi was even smaller than Pegasus had been.

"We should start walking," Yugi said, gesturing forward down the street. "The bakery is going to be downtown."

Katakuri nodded, standing back up to his full height with a stretch. A few moments later, he’d fallen into step behind Yugi. 

As they walked, Katakuri was struck by how little dichotomy there actually was between the two of them. Yugi was obviously quite short, and trusted far too easily. But they had a similar fashion sense, all leather and belts and blacks, with outlandish hair color. Yugi walked confidently through the world, but the confidence lacked arrogance, like Seto Kaiba possessed. Further, Yugi seemed to love a challenge, already puzzling through the best route to get candies.

“We’ll stop at Lawson on the way. That way you can see some of the convenience store treats, and Lawson’s the best for those. We’ll get a Baschee, and see if there’s also a real one left at the bakery, so she can tell the difference. And I think they’ve got the sake Kit Kats in stock right now, and you’ll have to try the Banana and Rum Raisin ones, those are the ones from our region…”

Katakuri simply nodded along, content to leave the planning to Yugi. There was one thing he cared about, however. “There are donuts at the bakery, right?” he asked.

“Of course. I can make sure you get some,” Yugi smiled up at Katakuri brightly. 

“What’s your budget like?” Yugi asked, face falling suddenly, as though he’d run into an unexpected roadblock.

Katakuri blinked, then pulled out the paper money Pegasus had given him in exchange for a few Berri to study. He handed it all to Yugi, not understanding the difference in the colored slips of paper. “I don’t normally pay for things, so you’ll just have to figure it out.”

Yugi’s eyes widened, ignoring Katakuri’s comment. “Oh, wow! We could even buy admission to Kaiba Land and try all the duel monsters treats there with this!” Yugi’s eyes were gleaming, looking excited. “You can get the Blue Eyes White Dragons and the Dark Magician treats anywhere, but all the other duel monsters are Kaiba Land exclusives. Marshmallon is my favorite, but the Kuribohs are good too. Oh! And there are these little heart-shaped candies that the lady dressed up like Injection Fairy Lily makes at the bake store….”

Katakuri shook his head, interrupting Yugi. “I don’t think Kaiba Land is a good idea,” he warned, frowning behind his scarf. “I don’t want to make him any angrier than he already is. Plus, my mother is even larger than me. Imagine how many sweets she’ll need just to try them. And I would like enough to taste as well.

Yugi shrugged, but nodded, taking Katakuri’s response in stride. “That makes sense, I guess,” Yugi said.

“Just buy a lot of everything,” Katakuri replied. “Lawson’s and your bakery should be plenty.”

Yugi nodded, beginning the conversation about the various Lawson’s snacks anew as they walked.

----

Soon, the pair had arrived in front of a large, brightly lit storefront, a blue banner stretching across the top of the building. Glass windows showed rows and rows of products (from food to clothing, and everything in between) stocked in neat rows inside. Katakuri, of course, could not fit.

“Can you uh…” he trailed off, and Yugi smiled up at him. 

Yugi shuffled into the store, pulling items off the shelves in bulk. Katakuri watched Yugi through the glass for the nearly fifteen minutes it took Yugi to find all the items, wait in line, and check out. Yugi shuffled out, the mound of sweets stored in several plastic bags. Katakuri couldn’t wait to try them, once back in Brulee’s mirror. His mouth watered, and he had to force his stomach to stop from rumbling.

“I’ll come back soon. Did my list sound ok?”

Katakuri just nodded. He wasn’t going to tell Yugi that the list didn’t make any sense to him, and that he’d stopped listening to Yugi’s ramblings pretty soon after shutting him down about the theme park, since they were making him hungry.

Walking to the bakery was even worse. Even though he knew that he’d be acquiring donuts, the weight of all the things Yugi had bought at the convenience store was taunting Katakuri, who had yet to eat since he’d arrived in Dominio a few days ago. But, with his goal so close, and the promise of returning to Brulee to eat them so near, he knew he needed patience.

The hunger made his height even worse, however, and gravity was weighing heavily on him by the time they had arrived at the small building, simply labeled in small, white letters "New Domino Baked Goods.”

Ryou had already purchased cream puffs and was eating them outside when Yugi and Katakuri arrived. Katakuri tried not to let his mouth water, as he thought about how close he was to acquiring donuts. Yugi ran to greet Ryou, who gave Yugi a hug as he got within range. Katakuri tried to distract his hungry belly by closely examining the other person, trying to figure out what was different to make Ryou a they.

However, this seemed to be a bit of a mystery. There wasn’t anything exceptionally different about them. Ryou was just another short person, with long white hair, and a flat chest. If Katakuri had seen Ryou at home, he’d have assumed Ryou was male. But, Ryou, evidently was not.

Katakuri’s hunger and frustration with the train of thought was making him cranky. He wanted to pound down the door to the store, grab as many sweets as he could, then escape through Burlee’s mirror. Money took so long to use. He forced himself to wait, remembering his promise to Pegasus when he was let out of jail. Stupid people and their PR. 

Impatient, he decided to pull out the pocket mirror and mime examining himself in it to give Brulee a heads-up that he was growing impatient. He needed to eat. Soon. She appeared in front of him and he sighed. “I just need to wait a moment for the rest of the food,” he murmured, head angled so that no cameras in the area would be the wiser to the woman he was speaking to. 

Brulee nodded, grinning widely. “Please have safe donuts and a tent ready when I get into the mirror,” he requested, and she agreed again.

The shop door opened and a bell rang to signal Yugi and Ryou leaving. They handed him several paper bags, and a few boxes of treats. He didn’t even listen as Yugi tried to give him his money back, or Ryou tried to ask him questions about where he came from. Instead, he simply thrust the mirror towards Yugi until he was holding it.

“Goodbye,” he announced to Yugi’s startled face. “Thank you.”

And then Brulee’s hands reached from the mirror, gripping the sides of his leather jacket, pulling him through the small surface in a convolution of physics. Yugi and Ryou were left staring at the street where Katakuri had stood in blinking confusion. Yugi yelled at the mirror, which appeared overly-large in his hands, that he hoped his trip was safe and it was good to meet him, Katakuri was barely listening. It was time to get away from the awful, tiny, cramped world with it’s omnipresent cameras, and eat.

[albapuella]

How to Lose a Lover in 10 Days or Less: A Comprehensive Guide to Becoming a Future Romantic Failure (Chapter Three)

AO3

Fandom: Homestuck

Summary: How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days AU Dave needs to win a bet; Karkat needs to write an article. Shenanigans ensue.

Tags: Humanstuck, alternate universe - no sburb session, POV switches galore, implied/referenced child abuse Author’s note: This story is the result of a jam session I did with aceAdoxography on the davekat thirst federation discord server. This one's a little out of my usual wheelhouse, but I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. New chapters every Saturday/Sunday.  Didn’t bother with the formatting this time: You want the fancy formatting, go to AO3 :D

Day 3:

Since Karkat had not managed to scare Dave off with the... outburst yesterday, he figured he’d hooked the idiot as well as he was ever going to. Which meant it was time to start fucking it up. He did his best to ignore the sense of loss already forming in his chest at the thought. Whatever frustrations he’d felt during that hang out/date thing Dave had put him through yesterday, he couldn’t deny that he’d enjoyed the experience, too.

Dave was a dork who talked too much, but he was also witty and charming in a maladroit sort of way. And it had been nice to have someone appreciate Karkat’s sense of humor in return. For once. A part of him wished he had longer to enjoy their time together, but he knew better.

Since he knew better, he also knew it wasn’t the time to mope. It was time to go on the full offensive. “Offensive” being the operative word. In this case, it meant acting like himself. Karkat had been on his best behavior up to this point, and now he’d show Dave who the “real him” really was. If he played his cards right, he probably wouldn’t even have to go on another date to seal the deal.

Karkat felt his eyes ache, and he hated himself for being such an idiot. He’d known this wasn’t going to last—even without his article, it never would have lasted. He’d already proven a countless number of times that, while a fairly good friend, he was simply terrible as a romantic partner. Dave was just one more guy he’d never really had a chance with. Just one more tally mark to add to his failures.

---

When Dave woke up the next day, he saw that he had quite a few messages waiting for him. A handful from Rose about wedding plans (with a reminder of the dress code, because of course her wedding would have a fully defined dress code). A bunch from his far-flung friend Jade (mostly telling a story which did not require more than a quick “cool” on his part). A couple from John (who was excited that he’d be seeing Dave at the wedding). There were also several from Karkat. Which was kind of a relief: Dave hadn’t liked that he’d been the first one to message him all the time: it made him feel like he was bugging the guy. Especially after waking him up yesterday.

CG: OKAY ASSHOLE, HERE’S THE DEAL:

CG: YOU WANT TO DATE THE REAL ME. FINE.

CG: I AM DONE BEING ON MY BEST BEHAVIOR.

CG: BE PREPARED FOR ME TO COMMENT ON EVERY INANITY THAT DRIBBLES FROM YOUR MOUTH LIKE THE LEAVINGS OF AN INCONTINENT PIGEON.

CG: YOU ARE NOT HALF AS FUNNY AS YOU THINK YOU ARE. ALSO YOUR “RAPS” ARE AN AFFRONT TO THE GENRE AS WELL AS TO THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.

CG: IF YOU THINK I AM JOKING OR BEING “CUTE”, YOU ARE WRONG. A STATE YOU SHOULD BE EXTREMELY FAMILIAR WITH BECAUSE YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY SUFFERING FROM AT LEAST MODERATE BRAIN DAMAGE.

CG: I AM NOT NOR HAVE I EVER BEEN “A SNACK”. I ALSO DO NOT HAVE A “SEXY PROFESSOR THING GOING”. IN THE ENTIRE SPAN OF MY MISERABLE EXISTENCE, I HAVE NEVER BEEN ANYTHING WHICH COULD BE CONSIDERED TO BE IN EVEN THE MEAGEREST OF WAYS “SEXY”.

CG: MAYBE YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO SEE THAT FOR YOURSELF IF YOU EVER TOOK OFF THOSE DOUCHE SHADES YOU ARE ALWAYS WEARING.

CG: I HOPE YOU HAVE ENJOYED THIS SMALL TASTE OF WHAT IS TO COME IN YOUR FUTURE SHOULD YOU DECIDE TO KEEP DATING ME.

Dave read the messages a few times, frowning. Mostly, he felt confused, too confused to feel either amused or insulted. Sudden. This was sudden. Also, the more he read the messages, the more he thought Karkat was being more mean to himself than to Dave. His inner Rose (the voice which sounded like Rose but was not nearly as smart as the real thing) said that Karkat was lashing out, hoping to hurt Dave before Dave could hurt him.

And wasn’t that sad?

TG: first of all

TG: you are a total snack

TG: this is not negotiable

TG: do not pass go do not collect 200 dollars

TG: not to be all objectifying or whatever

TG: but that was literally the first thing i thought when i saw you

TG: that guy is a total snack

TG: and fuck you you are sexy

TG: i bet you look even better without the sweater

TG: you are the bank and im the debtor

TG: payin compliments is my cheddar

TG: need proof read the letter

TG: dear mr vantas you are hella sexy signed me

CG: OH MY GOD.

CG: THAT WAS THE PART YOU CHOSE TO FOCUS ON. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOU AT ALL. MOST PEOPLE DON’T LIKE BEING INSULTED. IS THIS A KINK FOR YOU? IS THAT WHAT THIS IS? ARE YOU A FUCKING MASOCHIST?

Dave was grinning so much his cheeks hurt. Nailed it.

TG: im not a masochist

TG: but i think i might be getting a thing for grumpy assholes

TG: it needs more testing

TG: how about we hang out for a few hours today

TG: and see

“CG is typing” appeared and disappeared several times.

CG: REALLY. YOU REALLY WANT TO KEEP DATING ME.

TG: yea unless you dont want to keep dating me

TG: i hope you do

TG: want to keep dating me

TG: i want to know you better

TG: and kiss you sometime

This time the “CG is typing” message went on for quite a while. Dave wondered if maybe he shouldn’t have sent that last message. Then again, he’d already called the guy sexy several times; saying he wanted to kiss him wasn’t weird.

CG: IF YOU’RE SURE YOU WANT TO KEEP DOING THIS, THEN FINE. OKAY. I THINK I WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER TOO. JUST REMEMBER I GAVE YOU AMPLE WARNING OF WHAT THE REAL ME IS LIKE. WHEN I INEVITABLY END UP HURTING YOUR FEELINGS, YOU WILL HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT YOURSELF.

TG: score

---

After, unwisely, agreeing to meet Dave at the park again before going to some secret secondary date destination he had in mind, Karkat slipped his phone into his pocket in a daze. He was still reeling. Where had he misjudged this situation? He’d been certain he’d done enough to scare Dave away, and yet, here he was with another date to prepare for. Masochism or brain damage—those were the only options. Considering how much Dave had insisted on Karkat’s attractiveness, he was leaning towards the latter.

Of course, the words alone were only half of the total package. Even Dave would find difficulty deriving whatever enjoyment he got out of Karkat’s insults when they were being delivered at an ear-ringing volume. Karkat heaved a deep sigh. All he had to do was be himself on this date. That had always been enough for every other person he’d dated to leave him. Dave would be no different: he was just dumber, so it was taking him longer to get with the program.

* Thinks I’m “sexy”. Definite brain damage. Probable masochist. Raps have not increased in quality but I’m starting to get used to them.

---

The problem was Dave knew what he liked to do, what he found fun, but he didn’t know Karkat well enough yet to have much of an idea of what Karkat liked to do. Usually, Dave would have just asked, but seeing as Karkat had just been prepared to be dumped, he didn’t think the question would go over well.

When Dave approached the YO this time, Karkat was already sitting on the bench. His head was bowed over his notepad, and he was furiously writing. Although tempted to look over his shoulder and see what he was doing, Dave decided not to. If it turned out to be something deeply personal, he’d feel like a creep.

Whatever it was held Karkat’s full attention. Dave could be very stealthy, but he wasn’t even trying to be quiet as he got closer. Finally, he was standing right beside where Karkat was sitting. Still nothing. Remembering the reaction he’d gotten the other day, he flopped down close to Karkat, making the other man jump. “Hey.”

Karkat brought his notepad up to his chest, hiding it, and glared. Despite his clear irritation and the roominess of the bench, he didn’t move away. “What the fuck, Dave? Are you incapable of conducting yourself like a normal person? Or am I just special?”

Dave grinned. Looked like Karkat had meant what he’d said about acting more like himself. “I don’t know, you are pretty special. Not in the Special Olympics way,” he hastened to add as he realized his compliment might not come across complimentary. “I mean, nothing against them, they’re great,” he continued, now realizing the actual insult he was now offering them and not wanting to be that guy, “but that’s not what I’m talking about.”

A sort of disbelieving half-smile. “Should I stop you now, or let you keep going?”

“Oh, definitely stop me,” Dave said, relieved. He gestured to the notepad Karkat was no longer holding so tightly against himself. “What are you working on?”

“Nothing important,” Karkat said brusquely, shoving the notepad into his bag as though it had personally offended him. “Something for my work.”

It occurred to Dave that he actually had no idea what Karkat did for a living. “What do you do?”

For a moment, Karkat only regarded him with deep suspicion. Then he sighed. “I write for Dubiously Cultured.” Apparently, Dave’s confusion showed on his face, for he elaborated, “It’s basically a gay Cosmo.” Then he frowned. “You know, a magazine with fashion tips? Make-up? Relationship advice?”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Dave said quickly. The last thing he wanted was for his eyes to glaze over on his date like they did when Rose started talking about her magazine (whose title he could not recall at this moment if he’d been being held at gunpoint). “Are you writing an article? Laying down the keep your man tips for the masses?”

Even Karkat seemed surprised by the laughter abruptly bursting from him. “Something like that,” he said once he’d recovered. “You work as a DJ at the Glass, right?”

Honestly, Dave was shocked. He’d been sure Karkat had been just tuning him out! Then again, he had remembered he was from Texas, too. Maybe he just always looked bored and pissed off. “Yeah. It’s not super steady, but it pays the bills.” It actually didn’t pay the bills; Rose’s mom (his mom, she was also his mom) sent him money every month to pay for the apartment and various other expenses. However, his sad family history wasn’t exactly third date material. “You ever been?”

Karkat leveled Dave with a skeptical look which seemed to indicate his estimation of Dave’s intelligence had started low and was only getting lower. “Do I look like the kind of person that would get past a bouncer? Are you actually visually impaired, or are you making fun of me?” He shook his head. “I can see myself in the mirror, jackass; I know what I look like. Stop pretending I’m,” he held up his hands to make the finger quotes, ‘hot’.”

“I’m insulted you would think I’d lie about your hotness. You’re a fucking rooftop in the middle of a Texas summer. I should know; I’ve been there.” The metaphor stirred up memories Dave didn’t want to think about, and he wrapped an arm around Karkat’s shoulder. He immediately wished he’d done it sooner. “Anyway, I’ve already told you, you are a snack. You might as well accept it. It’s obvious. Everyone with eyes can see it. Not you, for some reason, but everyone else.”

“That’s just not true, Dave.” Before he could contest this, Karkat continued, “Most blind people still have eyes, idiot, and they can’t see anything, let alone support your dubious assertion that I’m attractive.” The words practically dripped with sarcasm even as he settled into Dave’s half-embrace. “You’re being so fucking insensitive right now.”

“Oh, shit, you’re right.” The part of Dave not worrying about the words flowing out of his mouth registered how nice and warm Karkat felt under his arm and pressed against his side. “Well, if they got to feel you up, they’d agree you were a snack, too. So, checkmate, Karkat. Check fucking mate. You’re just going to have to accept it. Majority vote. You’re a snack.”

Karkat looked up. “If you tell me you want to eat me, I’m leaving now and blocking your chumhandle.” Then his gaze shifted away. “This is nice,” he said, his voice softer than Dave had thought he was capable of. Maybe it was Dave’s burgeoning hearing loss, but he sounded… sad.

While Dave wanted to ask why he sounded so sad, he figured Karkat would tell him if he wanted him to know. After all, they still hadn’t known each other for very long yet. What was needed was a distraction, and Dave had just the thing to cheer both of them up. “If you think this is nice, you should be super excited for our date.”

---

Karkat had been feeling guilty again. It really had been nice, sitting on that bench in front of that giant art installation, to pretend that there was actually some sort of future for them. For him and Dave. Together. So, he’d been feeling guilty—even if he was an idiot who talked too much, Dave wasn’t a bad guy, and he didn’t deserve what Karkat planned on putting him through.

At least, that’s what Karkat had been thinking until they’d arrived at their final destination.

“A karaoke bar?” Karkat felt a scowl furrow his brow, and he turned it onto Dave, who had the audacity to be grinning at him. “It might interest you to know that I can’t fucking sing.”

Dave shrugged. “No one can at these places, Karkat. That’s why it’s fun.” He pushed his glasses down his nose, allowing Karkat the briefest glimpse of his eyes before he pushed them up again. “You’ve had fun before right? Or do we have to go slow and ease you into it, because fun is a hotel pool with a broken heater, and you haven’t raided the mini-bar yet.”

“Of course I know what fun is, you festering anal wart.” He saw himself ranting reflected in the lenses of Dave’s stupid glasses and looked away. “Fun is a walk in the park, or watching a movie, or going on a picnic, or playing a game. Fun is not embarrassing yourself in front of dozens of strangers by subjecting them to what can only laughingly be called your singing voice!” He started at the unexpected hand on his shoulder but made no move to shrug it off.

“Hey,” Dave said quietly, “if you really don’t want to be here, we can do something else. I don’t really know what you like yet outside of chick flicks. And writing for a magazine. And coming up with creative insults for me.” His grip on Karkat’s shoulder tightened slightly. “Help me out here, Karkat; I’m drowning with only seconds left to live. You’re the hot lifeguard, and I’m gonna need your sweet lips on mine fairly soon, or else I’m leaving the beach in a body bag. And no one wants that.”

Karkat turned back to face Dave. There were so many things to unpack in this latest offering of word vomit that he wasn’t even going to make the attempt. “Do you ever actually listen to the things you say?”

“I try not to,” Dave said blithely. “Messes with my flow.” Then the smile faded. “I mean it, though. If you want to go somewhere else, we totally can. I don’t have my heart set on this place; I just thought it’d be fun. Maybe you’d loosen up a little.”

“I am exactly as loose as I want to be,” Karkat sniped back, tacitly admitting that now he was the one saying stupid things. As much as he wanted to make things difficult for Dave for the sake of his article, he really couldn’t deny being touched that Dave was willing to change his plans because Karkat had complained about them.

Besides, while Karkat could be (and often was) loudly unpleasant and vulgar, it wasn’t the kind of thing he could force. He had to feel it. And he wasn’t feeling it. “No, we can stay. Just are there private rooms?”

Dave was frowning, perhaps in displeasure, perhaps in thought. “We can check.”

---

It turned out that there were private rooms, but they were prohibitively expensive. If this had been something Karkat had really wanted to do, Dave would have shelled out the cash, but he’d known he’d made the right call to spend the date elsewhere when he’d given Karkat the verdict and his shoulders had immediately relaxed.

Although Karkat had also protested that he wasn’t much better at bowling than he was at singing, he’d seemed less agitated about the prospect. He’d actually smiled a little when Dave had confided that he, too, wasn’t much of a bowler. Dave also wasn’t much of a drinker, but when Karkat offered to buy him a beer, he’d accepted it.

Dave was currently sipping his apple? flavored ale from the chair in their section of the alley and watching Karkat lob yet another ball down the gutter. This made, what? the tenth in a row? Dave had managed via blind luck to hit a strike with his first shot—a feat he had not been able to repeat—and that had pissed Karkat off like nothing else. Each additional failure to even get his ball any closer to hitting any of the pins only made Karkat’s face redder.

The only question was when he was going to pop.

“FUCK!” Karkat stomped back to the ball return. “FUCK ME, FUCK BOWLING, AND FUCK YOU, DAVE. YOU THINK YOU’RE BETTER THAN ME? NEWSFLASH, FUCK FACE, YOU ARE JUST AS OBJECTIVELY TERRIBLE AT THIS AS I AM—AT LEAST *I* HAVE THE FUCKING DECENCY TO BE ASHAMED OF MYSELF!”

Dave made absolutely no attempt to hold back his laughter.

“Hey, do you mind watching your language?” An older man in the next lane was giving Karkat quite an impressive glare. “There are kids present.”

Karkat’s face went purple.

---

“Well, Karkat,” Dave said as they walked down the street to no stated destination, his tone infuriatingly casual, “I can honestly say I’ve never been kicked out of a bowling alley before. I can scratch that off the old bucket list. It wasn’t on there because I hadn’t thought of it, but now I see I was blind to the possibilities. Thanks for opening my third eye or some shit like that.”

Karkat had let Dave put his stupid arm around his shoulders about a block back, and he hated the fact it felt so comforting. Bad enough he’d made an ass out of himself over nothing in public (again!), but it hadn’t even worked. He’d wanted to piss Dave off by showcasing his abhorrent personality, and he’d failed miserably. It wasn’t even his fault he’d failed either. For some inscrutible fucking reason, the idiot found temper tantrums hilarious to watch rather than embarrassing to be associated with. “Fuck you, Dave,” he said quietly, his energy quite spent.

Dave chuckled. Case in fucking point. “Aw come on, don’t be like that. It’s not like we’re banned from the place.” He paused. “I’m probably not going to get you to go there again anyway, am I?”

“I am never stepping foot back into that establishment, no.”

“Are you still pissed at me for that strike?” Dave’s voice sounded disbelieving. Maybe a little hurt. “I told you, man, it was a fluke. I wasn’t trying to hustle you. If I’d wanted to hustle you, there’d be money involved. That’s how that shit works. It’s like the definition of a hustle.”

Karkat sighed. “No, I’m not mad about that.” He hadn’t really been that mad about it in the bowling alley either. He’d just been frustrated. Loudly. Which was how he usually expressed his frustration. In the moment, it made him feel better… afterwards, he just felt tired. “I’m just really fucking embarrassed, okay? I know embarrassment is probably a foreign concept for you, but—”

Then he was being hugged. He tensed for a moment, then relaxed into it. He knew he shouldn’t be accepting Dave’s comfort, that this was only going to make things harder in the long run, but he couldn’t help himself. He really was such a selfish asshole. His head fell naturally against Dave’s shoulder, and he felt a distressingly familiar ache in his eyes. “Why are you hugging me?”

A soft guff of laughter blew past his ear. “Dude, you looked like you needed a hug. I’m not a hug expert or anything, but sometimes you look at a guy and think, that guy, he needs a hug.” The arms around him held him just a little tighter. “I hope you leave me a good review on yelp.”

Karkat choked on his unexpected laughter. “Dave. You are so fucking ridiculous.” As much as a part of him wanted to remain in his arms, he knew if he stayed any longer, he really would start crying. “Let go of me, asshole.”

Dave did so with only a moment’s hesitation. He put his hands on his hips. “So, what do you think?”

“About what?” Karkat successfully resisted the urge to wipe his eyes. With any luck, Dave wouldn’t notice how tear bright they probably were. Why was he getting so emotional anyway? None of this would matter soon enough.

“My review,” Dave said as though Karkat should have any idea what he was talking about. “Five out of five stars, right? Don’t crash my yelp score, dude—I have a reputation to maintain as hug master supreme; it’s all I have.”

And Karkat was laughing again. It really felt good.

---

* Gives nice hugs. Doesn’t respect personal space. Karaoke bar? Shitty bowler. Why isn’t this working?

---

{{ The third step is the ego. For Dr. Freud (famous psychology hack), the ego was a moderator. For our purposes, we return to the original Latin: I. Make it all about you and your comfort. If you have had enough of your short-term partner’s incessant prattle, say so. When you want to scream, do it at the top of your lungs. Use whatever language feels best to you at all times regardless of the situation. Make your short-term partner embarrassed to be associated with you. If you can get you and your short-term partner kicked out of an establishment due to your behavior, so much the better. However, if you find that such antics only serve to amuse your short-term partner, cease them immediately. The point of this exercise is to humiliate your short-term partner, not further endear you to them. Also, in the event that you are more embarrassed by your conduct than your short-term partner is, under no circumstances allow them to comfort you. It will only distract you from your objective. }}

[sunnysideofsaturn]

2019, oh how you’ve destroyed me.

basically i’ve seen a ton of posts like this, especially by one of my best interweb pals (lookin at you, C @hey-im-pan ) and it’s inspired me to make one of my own! i journal a LOT but it’ll be interesting to try and sum everything up in little synopsis.

*side note: i struggle with anxiety, depression, insomnia, and ocd, so those and their effects may be mentioned. be cautious. This also doesn’t include a lot of the more personal instances, so don’t take it as an accurate representation of what it is like living with these issues*

January:

Honestly, not much happened. I went on a college visit trip with a few of my friends to my dream school, which was stressful but informative, and my anxiety attacks were far and in-between. Sleep schedule was wack (has been since 7th grade), but i was functioning. Dysphoria (i’m nonbinary, but hadn’t really even come out to myself then) was pretty high this month in particular for some reason, so i finally started trying to convince my mom to let me cut my hair off. (I had like 2.5 feet it was a mess)

February:

Finally came out to one of my close friends as pan, kinda accidentally but she was chill with it :) My grandma had a weeklong sickness that scared the shit out of me, but she got better for the time being. I was constantly pushing myself academically and physically at practice, but my grades were taking a bit of a nosedive because i didn’t have the capacity to deal with everything, but i bottled it up because i hate feeling weak. I continued to explore my sexuality, and started to research the gender spectrum.

March:

School and Crew (rowing sport) were the only things on my mind at all times. I started having more anxiety attacks again, and decided it was time to talk to my doctor about going back on meds after 3 years off them. IB was kicking my ass, but i’m so grateful for all of my teammates for giving me an escape on the water. Started to accept I was non-binary.

April:

A month full of good vibes i really needed. Got my drivers license on 4/20. I hiked my grades up with the help of extra credit, held a “wedding” in a Dillard’s try-on section, and spent a few days of spring break at the beach with two friends. I finally cut my hair off!! That feeling was literally incredible and i try to get a haircut every other month to actually keep up with it now. Saw endgame, died inside, and competed in an art show! I was doing really well, so I went off my meds again (don’t do that without a doctors permission like me).

May:

BAdddd time to be off meds, anxiety and depression were dropping my health and IB finals kicked my ass and the class i had been most excited about taking had become my worst at this point, but I got through the exams without missing any. Went to Jr. Prom though! We actually used going to Jr. Prom as a coverup to throw a surprise birthday party for my best friend. I still have no idea how she didn’t figure it out. I also started talking to one of my internet buds, Rosie. She’s helped me through so much she doesn’t even know about, and it such a beaut inside and out <3

June:

MADE IT TO PRIDE MONTH!! I finished my actual finals with minimal panic attacks, and join a Parkner discord! That was short lived, but from it was born… The What the Actual Fuck Fam, whom i love dearly. You guys still crack me up, and i know i’ll always have people to fall back on ( or help me commit murder.) Turned 17 and watched Monty Python (again.) Was forced into not one, but tWo bible camps, but also went to my first pride in my city! I have never felt so loved by so many people i don’t know :)

July:

Depression hit me HarD. I was constantly in a bad mood and taking it out on other people and myself, and I was losing even more sleep. Went back on meds for a bit. I got to see Far From Home, but pretty much isolated myself from anyone in my real life. July is always hard for me to get though for some reason. On a happier note, I started talking to @winterrs-child , who I now love dearly and @exbrodokills , which started out by exchanging memes but i think we can now call a friendship :D

August:

More depression, yayyyy, but Rosie and my irl friends helped me through it so much, even if they didn’t know it was happening. I finally came out to my parents and grandma as pan. They honestly took it pretty well, even if my grandma thinks it’s a ‘phase’. Also came out to C, B, and T as non-binary. Ya’ll were the first people I told after a YEAR omg <3 developed a huge celebrity crush on a cosplayer i won’t name even though they’ll never see this :’) Also fell back into the kiribaku pit after finally stabilizing my Parkner obsession. Also, joined a sapphic server which is basically a big gay support group :) (thanks to Rosie)

September:

Started my senior year of high school. So far, it’s pretty much been one big panic attack but i’m managing. I’m a mentor on the crew team this year and have adopted pretty much every underclassmen on the team. I love them all equally (except for my favorites) Cut my hair even shorter! I love it! Got back into writing poetry and short stories after an intense writer’s and reader’s block that lasted for almost a year. Went off my meds again (I should stop doing that, ik) Went to a Harry Potter fest, which was great, but started building up major anxiety for planning the rest of my life.

October:

SPOOP MONTH. October is my favorite month, so I was determined to make it good. Went on a couple more college tours, but also celebrated fall and halloween with my favorite people. Came reallllly close to stabbing my IB Bio teacher, but he’s survived, so far. Cosplayer mentioned earlier followed me on insta, cue gay panic. i also accidentally created a huge cuddle pile of 30 girls on my team in the captain’s backyard. It was as amazing as it sounds :0 Applied for 6 colleges

November:

CAVETOWN omg. I was also murdered with a bent hammer (don’t ask) and my mental health was pretty stable. I joined yet another server created by the cosplayer, and have made so many friends through it, plus gained a new dad figure :). Contemplated buying a binder on black friday, didn’t and deeply regret it (planing on getting one with the christmas money i get from my homophobic grandfather we pretend doesn’t exist) Discovered the goodness of Baby Yoda. Did pretty much no spanish homework. Solid 7/10

December:

Honestly, school wise december has been the most stressful month of this year so far, and the 2nd worst depressive episode. I’ve written 6 essays and done 5 projects this month and that was not a good time for the already low seratonin levels. i got waitlisted for the school i mentioned earlier, but was accepted into the other 5 :) I got to see an Of Monsters and Men concert, and I’m trying to push thorough til break, but my grandma has been getting sick more and more frequently over this year and now she’s been in a lot of pain for over two weeks and in and out of emergency care 6 times. Just hoping to make it to 2020 with everyone in tact and healthy :) I’m doing a secret santa with my friends im looking forward to. My friends have been amazing support through all of this mess, even if ii didn’t tell you about it, and i love you all!!

special mentions:

@donnaschaunamanon

@dawdlzdoodles

@harleykeenerprotectionsquad

@bumbblebeeeeee

@lykkesw

@chai-studying

@hey-im-pan

@pumpkinparkner

@everyone’s users i don’t know/remember

[karasunonolibero]

2019 writing self-evaluation

so i did this over on my main last year, and since i had what i felt was a productive year, i wanted to do it here! i’ve included all works, from every fandom i wrote for, so there’s definitely a variety but also a clear distinction of when i stopped writing 1d and started writing for haikyuu, heh. anyway, i’m proud of all the work i’ve done this year, so here’s to 2020!

ALL FICS MUST HAVE POSTED ON AO3 IN 2019

1. Number of stories (including drabbles) posted to AO3: 50

2. Word count posted for the year: 147,038

3. List of works published this year (in order of posting):

two loves have i (5 january)

it’s only your imagination again (25 january)

the pain’s only temporary (8 february)

blow a kiss, fire a gun (9 may)

waiting to be found (14 may)

a swim with a shark (6 june)

sweet and lowdown (19 june)

one more time as if we planned it (24 june)

always be my thunder (23 july)

will your mouth read this truth (30 july)

tumblr drabbles & prompts (last updated 3 august)

I’m on my way up (’cos you make me bliss out) (completed 4 august) (collab with Rider_Of_Spades on ao3)

even mountains crumble into the sea (7 august)

we’re on each other’s team (14 august)

dangerous, tainted, flawed (20 august)

life can do terrible things (25 august)

the night before life goes on (1 september)

when the letter says a soldier’s coming home (17 september)

when the air ran out (19 september)

something missing tonight (21 september)

built castles from sand (26 september)

underneath the stars we came alive (8 october)

sweet talk and sugar (10 october)

got my name on this treasure (11 october)

just a little taste, babe (14 october)

iwaoi horror week drabbles (completed 1 november)

don’t let the tide come (31 october)

daisuga week drabbles (completed 24 november)

how (not) to put on a condom (26 november)

taste the tension, now i’m begging (2 december)

kiss the boy (7 december)

till tonight do us part (11 december)

i wish i could be there now (13 december)

on our way to twenty-seven (15 december)

for the dream far away (24 december)

a collar full of chemistry (25 december)

fall down and commune with me (28 december)

a little of love’s electricity (31 december)

the city is at war (last updated 31 december)

4. Fandoms I wrote for: (stats pulled from the ao3 filter feature on my works)

haikyuu!! (41)

one direction (9)

the legend of zelda: breath of the wild (3)

all time low (1)

crystalline (1)

5. Pairings: (i didn’t count side or past pairings)

iwaizumi hajime/oikawa tooru (14)

sawamura daichi/sugawara koushi (13)

oikawa tooru/sugawara koushi (4)

azumane asahi/nishinoya yuu (3)

kuroo tetsurou/sawamura daichi (2)

kuroo tetsurou/yaku morisuke (1)

akaashi keiji/oikawa tooru (1)

sawamura daichi/sugawara koushi/terushima yuuji (1)

sawamura daichi/terushima yuuji (1)

sugawara koushi/terushima yuuji (1)

link/revali (1)

mipha/zelda (1)

louis tomlinson/harry styles (5)

louis tomlinson/zayn malik (1)

alex gaskarth/louis tomlinson (1)

liam payne/louis tomlinson (1)

zack spade/pixel fade (1)

6. Story with the most:

Kudos: two loves have i (275)

Bookmarks: two loves have i (34)

Comments: two loves have i (25)

9. Work I’m most proud of (and why):

on our way to twenty-seven! i was digging into some identity and sexuality issues that i myself have dealt with in the past and writing about it was the first time i’d really dove into some of that stuff, so i really enjoyed writing it and i think it’s some of my best.

i’m also really proud of i’m taking back the crown and i wish i could say why. i just really like the way it came out. writing oikawa as this desperate dethroned prince trying to reclaim his kingdom at any cost only to be beaten at his own game in his own home was just...ugh. it was so much fun to write.

10. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

one more time as if we planned it, definitely. i just felt super rushed writing it. it was for the one direction rarepair fest, which was super fun, but i had Just finished a longer fic a few days before this one was due and i initially tried to drop out because i thought i wouldn’t be able to finish it, but i did, but i still feel like it’s rushed and just not as good as it could have been if i’d planned better and given it some more time.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

im gonna do what i did last year and post more than one, because 1. i can’t decide and 2. i quite honestly am pretty proud of a lot of what i wrote this year

from when the letter says a soldier’s coming home —

Tooru’s squealing somewhere behind them, and Hajime’s gruffly trying to get out the door, and he’ll have to call the school and make up something about being sick so he can spend the day catching up with Daichi, but it can wait. It can all wait. Because Koushi’s waited long enough. It’s about time the rest of the world waits for him.

from strawberries on a summer evening —

Suga hums against him, licking strawberry seeds from between Daichi’s teeth, like he’s just as intoxicated by Daichi as Daichi is with him. Daichi could live here, in this feeling, ignoring everything except how Suga sounds (like bliss personified), smells (like sunblock and sweat), tastes (like sugar and salt). He’s the hottest part of the summer, high noon in mid-August, just this side of too much to handle, but addicting in how it leaves you at its mercy.

from on our way to twenty-seven —

“Sorry, what was your name again?”

Tetsurou opens his mouth to say his American name, but he catches Daichi and Suga looking at him, and he swallows it down. “My name is Tetsurou. Tetsurou Kuroo.”

“I thought you wanted people to call you Tyler,” Timothy says.

Tetsurou shoots him a glare and says it again, feeling his confidence start to grow. “My name is Tetsurou Kuroo. Tetsu is fine, too, but I don’t go by Tyler anymore.”

12. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

any time tasteofsummersnow left me a comment, it made my heart go doki doki!! her comments are so in depth and so very sweet and it’s so much fun to see her real-time reactions to my writing. i go back and reread them like once a week they’re so nice ;_;

13. A time when writing was really, really hard:

the spring/early summer in general was tough, like from march to june. i didn’t post anything between february and may, and i feel like i was struggling a lot creatively around like may/june of this year. i think it’s because a lot of stuff in the 1d fandom was really turning me off at the time and that’s when the burnout fully hit.

14. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

definitely sugawara in the city is at war. i was writing that first chapter and initially i just wanted to see him step up when daichi wasn’t around but he very quickly turned sadistic and ruthless and scarily sharp, which is just so much fun to write him as. and his relationship with daichi is just—ugh. love that violence-fueled romance. they would kill a hundred men for each other and be turned on once they were finished.

honestly, all of the city is at war has surprised me. the idea came to me in a dream on a long bus ride, of all the clan leaders having a meeting and being attacked, and i woke up and banged it out in 36 hours. i meant it to be a oneshot but as i wrote it, i realized i loved the au so much there was no way i could leave it at that. so now it’s got a whole plot and all that. fun!

15. How did you grow as a writer this year:

last year i said i felt i grew writing angst and exploring different emotional themes, and i think i built on that even more this year. i did a bunch of shorter pieces this year and i feel a lot of them really explored emotions and characters more than plot, and that’s been so much fun. and then as well, like i said before, i’ve branched out into the crime-action genre with the yakuza au. and! iwaoi horror week was my first real attempt at spooky/creepy/horror-type writing, and, it was a fun challenge for sure.

i also said i wanted to just keep writing and be spontaneous and i definitely did that this year. i posted so many fics not caring how long it had been since the last one—sometimes it was less a day. numbers stopped mattering to me. i posted just because i wanted to put my writing out there and share it with the world, knowing there had to be someone out there who’d like it.

16. How do you hope to grow next year:

i feel like 2019 was a year of trying a lot of new things, so in 2020 i’m hoping to explore some different ships and tropes. the sheer number of characters and ships in haikyuu means there’s a ship for just about every trope and au out there, and i want to play around with some dynamics i’ve never written before.

17. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

as always, a shoutout to the loggies, who have been a fantastic source of inspiration and support all year even after i retired from 1d fic. and i would also like to thank the people i met via various hq discord servers—you know who you are!! thank you for the sprints, the encouragement, the inspiration, and the friendship. as someone brand new to the fandom, the support and sense of community has been nothing short of amazing, and you guys are part of the reason i felt so comfortable in this fandom so quickly.

18. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

actually, yeah. even mountains crumble into the sea was written the night before i broke up with my ex. i wrote it as an exercise to get all my feelings out, lay them all on the table where i could see them and pick through them, and then imagine the best possible way the scenario could go.

19. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

honestly—just write! write what you’re happy with. write even if you don’t post it. write, because everything you do is practice that’ll help you improve.

and don’t be afraid to write out of order or write more than one project at a time. i know that won’t work for everyone, but for me, if i didn’t immediately write what was on my mind, i probably wouldn’t have posted half of what i did this year.

20. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

hey remember last year when i said i was gonna finish the breath of the wild au?? L M A O i’m really gonna finish it next year i swear!!

i have a fic posting in the spring for the nsfw big bang which i’m ALSO very excited about! i’m lucky to be working with such a talented artist and the end result is gonna be amazing and i’m so so excited.

i also want to keep going with the city is at war, because that plot was a pleasant surprise. and there’s an ever-growing list of fic ideas and aus that i’m so excited to write—some of them were originally for larry aus but i’ve repurposed them for haikyuu pairings and that’s helped breathe new life into some old ideas.

21. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

anyone who sees this and wants to do it! just tag me, i wanna read your answers!

[shanced-wedding-blog]

Special Update

Hello everyone, this is Mod Sky

Just wanted to address some issues and concerns that have arisen in regards to the zine as of late and to finally clarify what has been going on regarding production of the zine.

First I would like to address a recent comment we received on one of the last updates. While I understand that it has been quite a while since the zine opened pre orders and some of you are reasonably becoming frustrated with the waiting time, cussing us out and using vulgar language to address your issues with us is in no way an acceptable form of proceeding.

That said, I would like to apologize for making you feel like we’re not prioritizing the zine buyers here.

Now, the rest of the mods and myself weren’t planning on making this public at least until the zines had been out to the buyers, but we’ve talked and come to realize that it is probably for the best that everyone knows what’s been going on behind the scenes of this project.

As most of you know, when we started this project there was a call from the head organizer for mods. I don’t know about the other mods, but I personally talked to the head organizer a few times inquiring about the zine, what their ideas for the project were and of their experience with running a zine. They assured me they knew what they were doing and already had a plan laid out for how to get the project done. They told me they had experience modding other zines and I decided to trust them. I applied to help mod the zine because I wanted Shance fandom to have a beautiful zine we all could be proud of, because most of the Shance projects I had been involved in in the past had fallen through the cracks due to mod irresponsibility. I wanted to help bring this project to life and do everything I could to make it succeed. It’s what I’ve been doing from the start.

Well, the mod team was chosen and from the start we were pretty much given a role in the team. My role, when the time came, was to be in charge of finances of the zine, whatever that entailed. The head organizer gave all of us certain responsibilities and we all met in discord to discuss the project.

Now. Im not going to make any excuses for myself as I should have known better, but almost from the moment we started talking about actual specs of the zine and what extra things we wanted to offer, it should've been clear to me that the head organizer wanted to do too much.

They wanted to have 60+ contributors, they wanted to have music done for the zine, they wanted a lot of extra merch to go with bundles etc. At the time this was going on I was in the middle of producing my own personal zine, so I'm ashamed to say I wasn't paying a lot of attention to the planning of this zine, and not gonna lie, this is one of the things that’s ended up coming to bite me and the rest of the mod team in the ass.

Well, in the end head mod came with a plan, they apparently already had suppliers in mind and had been doing research on where to have things made and how much it would cost. We went along with it and contributor applications opened. The process seemed to be going smooth, we selected contributors and at the time I didn't realize just how big of an undertaking it would be to have so many contributors, I had my concerns with certain aspects of the zine but I felt like it wasn’t my place to say anything because it wasn’t my project and my role in the zine was to oversee the money once pre orders opened.

Creation time went by and everyone was involved, contributors did an amazing job coming up with stories and art that basically molded the zine into a cohesive book. As we got closer to opening pre orders and putting together the zine for printing, that's when problems started to show, beginning with the fact that the head organizer became scarcer and scarcer and the rest of the mod team were left grasping at straws trying to answer questions the contributors had that only the head mod could give an answer to. The excuse was that they were having computer problems so they couldn’t check in on things as much. This was the first red flag and we should’ve paid more attention, but we didn’t. We continued to move on and soon it was time for preorders to open.

Yaxi, the head organizer, opened pre orders prior to us having the zine even 1% put together. They made up some stretch goals trying to fit in as much as the extra merch they had people design for the zine as possible and added the contributor merch as an extra that zine contributors could choose to buy. The contributor charm was not going to be made from money from the zine sales. It was simply an extra design up to the contributors to make happen if they wanted it.

After the pre order period ended and having reached 100 sales, it was time to come up with a budget and proceed with production. Well… this was when pretty much everything went downhill. Yaxi came into the mod chat one day and pretty much dumped the production on me. They sent me some numbers and a list of providers they had come up with and said that they needed me to place the orders for the merch, of which there were no files ready. We had raw files for products but nothing has been checked to make sure the specs for printing were correct. As I was coming up with a production cost table I realized that there were many things Yaxi hadn’t taking into consideration when they first made their plan for the zine. They never took into consideration shipping prices, packaging costs, contributor copies shipping fees, and to make matters worse, they didn't take into consideration the amount of money it would take for certain items to be shipped from their production place to two separate destinations, because somewhere along the way Yaxi had decided that in order to offer cheaper international shipping, we would have all the international orders sent to Mod Robin in Europe so they could then redistribute because that would make shipping internationally cheaper.

I mean, i guess in theory that sounded like solid logic, but in practice.. I suppose they never stopped to think that there would still be an added cost of sending all those packages from the US to Europe, so there’s that.

Anyway I did my best to look for new manufactures because the ones Yaxi had on their list could not deliver what we needed, not to mention the fact that the specs Yaxi had given artists of the zine for their pieces were not a standard printing zine. So not only did we have to look for new printing companies, but we had to ask all our artist to adjust their pieces to fit the new dimensions of the zine. Added to that, at this point in time, communication with Yaxi had pretty much become impossible as they were never on the discord server and the only communication we had with them was via text messages from me to them since I had gotten her phone number at some point to meet up so I could deliver to them the special print I had made out of my own money for the zine. We ended up never meeting up.

So with all that going on, we still had not made much progress putting the zine together until Seki (one of our contributors) offered to help with it. We brough Seki along into the team and they worked several days on getting the zine print ready, and also making a digital zine that could be delivered the way Yaxi had originally wanted it to, that is with the music that was created for the zine incorporated into it.

While this was happening, the rest of the mod team and myself got together in a separate group chat to talk about what was to be done about Yaxi, their lack of participation, and the fact that they were the only ones that had access to the money for the zine and to the store front. We decided to ask Yaxi to hand over the money so we could move on with production and just go from there. Thankfully Yaxi was quick to give us access to the funds, they transferred most of the money to me, (we have yet to receive about 200.00USD), and basically the rest most of you already know. We’ve been slowly working on getting all the merch produced and ready to send to everyone, but there have been a few hiccups on the way.

We’re still not sure that we’re not going to have to put even more of our own money into the zine as we’re still pretty much figuring out what we’re going to do about shipping since not only are we sending contributor copies free of charge, but also sending all international orders to Europe first to be distributed from there.

It has never been our intention to keep any of you in the dark about any of this, but we wanted to first get the project completed before making any of this public. None of us in the mod team wanted for you to have to wait so long, unfortunately none of us were any wiser in realizing just how unprepared and irresponsible the main organizer really was. We are to blame for not seeing the red flags sooner and dealing with the issues before they became a problem. I especially would like to apologize because I should’ve known better. But what’s done is done and the only thing I can say besides how sorry I am that you, our buyers and supporters, have had to wait so long for this zine, is that myself and the rest of the mod team are doing everything we can to get this zine to your hands without any further mishaps.

I understand if you're frustrated with us, I understand because I’ve been frustrated and stressed over this whole thing for months as well.

None of us are getting paid for this, none of us are receiving any compensation out of trying to run and complete this project. In fact, we’re still most likely gonna have to put money down out of our own pockets due to the irresponsibility of the person who was supposed to be in charge of this project. But we love this project, we love our contributors and what everyone has managed to accomplish, and you can be certain that we are 100% committed to seeing this project to a successful end.

Once again, I am sorry for not seeing the problems sooner and for not stepping forward before to let all of you know what was happening. I hope this clarifies what’s been going on for you and I hope that you can give us the chance to set things straight and deliver the project to you.

If you have any more questions, or need more clarification regarding the zine, my DMs on twitter are always open (@enderkichi) so feel free to reach out to me.

Production of the zine is still ongoing but we’re almost at completion. We should be releasing a change of address form pretty soon for those who need to change their shipping address. Refunds are also an option if you no longer want to support the project, but we ask that you please let us know if you want to be refunded via email to the zine account: shancedwedding@gmail.com and provide us with your name, email, and order # so we can process your refund.

Thank you again for the endless patience you’ve had with us so far and for being understanding of our circumstances. We will keep you all updated as we finalize production and get ready to start packing and shipping orders.

Mod Sky

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

Blog/Personal Notice

I’m really sorry if you followed me for my Fantastic Beasts posts. I’m sorry if you followed me for Harry Potter. I know when I started out, that was what my blog was all about.

I won’t apologise for my blog being mostly HTTYD though - and believe me, I’ve had people harassing me over it on various sites.

I am refusing to take part in the Fantastic Beasts fandom from now on. I’ll still watch the movies and all that, but I refuse to be in the fandom.

Why?

It’s toxic as fuck - first of all, people are rude and vile to JK Rowling, bullying her online over every little thing to the point where she no longer uses social media now, and I think it’s disgusting that the people doing this still call themselves Harry Potter or Fantastic Beasts fans.

The fandom is also toxic to each other - for several years on my old blog, I received anon hate on a near DAILY basis. I was told to off myself when my Nan passed away, people taunted my tattoos and appearance, and I was bullied over my nan having cancer and the fact I shipped Newtina. I was told that I was “greasy, cunt-faced, pathetic, talentless” etc, and that I offered no worth to anyone. I wrote Newtina fanfics, only for people to come into my inbox and tear me apart, saying that my writing was boring, that I should stop writing altogether.

The discord thing though? That’s pushed me over the edge. I am not perfect. I have never claimed to be perfect. I have my problems and openly admit that I’m a mess. But the Hogwash discord server? I tried to be amicable with one of the admins, politely asked if they could explain in a DM why I was kicked off and if I could see the (in their words) “receipts and evidence” of me breaking the rules more than once. They refused to answer my DM, called me out on another server chat BY NAME, and refused to give me evidence, instead blocking me.

Their reasoning was that I broke the rules multiple times and didn’t censor usernames when posting screenshots to complain about someone being rude to me. IT WAS ASKED ONCE, “please censor usernames”, I said “sorry, I will next time”, they said “okay”. That was IT. I was not even ranting about the Beasts fandom - I was saying that I was being harassed on the HTTYD reddit.

Im sorry but the Hogwash server is a literal fucking disgrace. I’m going to be honest, when you’re on it, you don’t want to say anything because the truth is you feel valid and included for once. But now I’m off it, I can honestly admit that the admins need to get their fucking acts together. Everyone bullies people behind their backs. On that server, people trash others who aren’t (including other Newtina stans who they dislike for one reason or another), and they do it by NAME. There was also someone on the server who was sharing our chats with anti blogs to make me look bad - when I asked an admin to do something about it, they never did. I was shamed for being angry over it and told not to go around accusing people when there was literal evidence that someone in the chat was going behind our backs. They are still on that server.

I wanted to sort this out like an adult but the admins blocked me before I could even attempt to ask for the evidence or an explanation. So fuck them and their elitist fanfic bullshit, fuck them and their little special group. They act like they’re the adults but honestly? They can’t even be assed to respond to a polite message asking why or for proof.

Even when I was on that chat, I felt like they didn’t care about me or my well-being or anything I said. I was shamed for expressing my opinion on a reality television show (it was about sex dolls, and I said I personally found it weird, they got all “don’t kink shame” and almighty with me). When people were harassing me on here or making blogs behind my back that were dedicated to spreading malicious rumors about me, they didn’t care and instead parroted “ignore it ignore it”.

No one on that server cared if I lived or died, frankly. Prove me wrong, by all means, but that was how I felt on that server and it fucking hurts because I did care about them and liked being included for once.

So no; I’m not going to pretend it didn’t happen and be the bigger person - I am angry and fuck everyone who thinks I’m not allowed to express that. The admins just proved how little they care for other people, and I honestly think that the reason I got kicked off is because they wanted to bitch about me behind my back. If someone on that server can prove me wrong, by all means, but it’s true.

I will probably no longer be in this world anyway. This is all a final straw, proof that literally no one I thought was my friend gives a fucking shit about me or if I live or die, and I am done with living, well and truly. I don’t know when, but I know I have a plan in mind.

Nice knowing y’all.