#i was never given closure!

[belokhvostikova]

Most devastating thing to ever discover was seeing the Rabbit Hole Entrance YouTube channel suddenly not exist.

[zosonils]

an aspect of shadow's trauma that i've been thinking about a lot since the sa2 replay is how fucked his perspective of gerald must be after everything, especially assuming he was family to shadow just as much as maria was [which i do every day]. the man who raised you, created you from nothing but tissue samples and energy and hope, the man who could have easily decided you were a simple thing to be used and yet welcomed you into his family as easily as his own granddaughter, who treated you as a person when so many others treated you as a lab rat or a weapon or another soon-to-be-failed prototype, in a moment of unfathomable despair, decided you were to be a tool that would carry out his final plan. perhaps treating you this way was another symptom of his mental breakdown, perhaps deep down he's always seen you as nothing more than a thing to reach his goals with. you will never know, because he is dead. every comforting memory you have of him, every time he encouraged your curiosity or stayed with you during a test he could have observed from afar or told you how proud of you he was, forever tainted by the thought that it could have all been a lie. a variable in an experiment, a means to an end. how would you ever trust anyone ever again man i'm in shreds

[sleepycricket]

my final thoughts on sonic prime is:

fellas is it gay to courier your sworn rival in a bridal carry as his life force decays and you're desperately trying to get back to your home dimension, not for yourself, but for his survival and everything that he loves that you couldn't give less of a shit about?

[hooved]

honestly the funniest part about the quodo kiss blooper is that kira had like no reaction to it. it just made so much sense that even she just stood there and watched it happen

[quietwingsinthesky]

Hiiiii! So, a few days ago you were talking about the whole thing with Amy, Rory, and River. And when I saw those posts a thought arose in my head and I wish to share it with you.

Since River grew up with Amy and Rory as Mels. And Mels was Amy's best friend do you think that they ever talked about children? Since I know that it can come up when talking with friends, and like... do you think that Amy might've ever expressed whether or not she wanted children?

And if she didn't, that Mels would've had to listen to her mother say that she doesn't want children? The idea is so heartbreaking and sooo interesting.

What do you think about it?

no, no, see, you're so right and this drives me wild.

because, the way i see it, i don't think amy wanted children. she's somewhere on the 'hasn't thought about it' to 'vaguely negative feelings about it happening' range to me, which falls sharply into 'Not Happening Ever Again' post-s6. (specifically, in terms of having a kid herself, even if she could, i really don't think she would. i do love that she and rory end up adopting a kid later, because that does make sense, for amy pond who grew up alone in one universe with her family swallowed by cracks in time before the doctor helped her set it right again, for her to want to make sure another child won't be alone in the world like she was. getting off-track here.)

and that's so. because the first real memory river/mels has of amy is of amy shooting at her. and depending on how well the silence fucked up the rest of her memory, it might be one of the very first memories she has at all. that's how she met her mother, crying for help and getting a bullet instead. her mother tried to kill her, so of course, you have to think. she must have needed to hear that she was wanted, right? even if she was taken away, even if amy shot her, at some point, melody must have been wanted?

river is good at getting people to do what she wants, but she is very, very bad at subtlety. and mels is younger, has less practice, so when she wants to know this, she's just going to ask. blunt and quick, easy enough because amy's used to the way mels will open her mouth and you just have to be ready to roll with what comes out if you want to keep up. it's why they're such good friends (like mother, like daughter.)

they're nine, and mels asks if amy wants kids, and amy wrinkles up her nose and says she won't have time for children, obviously, once her raggedy doctor finally comes back. they're fifteen, and amy and rory dance will they-won't they in a way that makes mels twitchy to watch, and taunting amy about wanting to have rory's babies is a good way to get on her nerves. but amy calls her gross, tells her she's got more life planned than children would leave room for, and besides, imagine her, a mom? it'd be a disaster.

mels does. a lot. she looks at her mother and just sees her best friend instead. she's not even sure what she wishes was there, but. maybe amy's right. and besides. imagine her, a daughter, instead of the ticking time bomb she really is? it'd be a disaster.

they're sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, and on. mels stands on the outside of a love story that births a universe. and her. how do you compete with that? not that she would know, not yet, she hasn't been there. but it doesn't make her feel any less alienated when amy and rory talk in whispers about a half-remembered world that's bled through to this life, about roman soldiers and boxes and the big bang of belief.

all these memories, they never mention children. on amy's wedding day, she's different, not like someone remembering a dream but someone who lived it. rory stands straighter, won't leave her side, and they're both so much older than they were yesterday. maybe now, right? a wedding's as good a time as any to decide you want kids.

mels not being at amy & rory's wedding is such an obvious lazy way of them trying to explain why they totally didn't just throw this plot twist together at the last minute that i'm not even going to acknowledge it. of course she was at their wedding. she's their best friend. there's too many people around the doctor, and she wasn't ready today of all days, so despite this horrible burning need under her skin to strike, she stays her hand. doesn't let him dance with her because she might just tear his throat out if he gets too close. stays with amy and rory as the maid of honor should. she must have been there for the awkward questions that always gets asked, 'so, any plans for a baby?' 'when am i getting grandkids?' 'oh, you two are going to have gorgeous children together.' standing a few feet from amy in her wedding dress and watching her mother tense and grit her teeth and brush off the questions. watching her look nervously at rory but never ask if he means it when his mom asks him if he'd prefer a son or a daughter, and rory answers 'either one, some day, not anytime soon.'

god i'm just going on and on, aren't i. but really, what's it like to know that amy never changed her mind. the next time she sees them, she's already been born and stolen. i don't like let's kill hitler for. so many reasons. but there is something compelling about how recklessly river lashes out at the world, at the doctor. even her sacrifice at the end is almost suicidal, throwing all her regenerations into this man without knowing if that will even work or if it might kill her to do it. but it makes more sense in the context of someone who has reached the end of a long, long wait for some kind of indication, any kind, that her mother wanted to have her. and finally been told, no. she didn't choose melody.

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

I have a thought, and I've been having it since Claudia's assault by Bruce happened. Then I though it again, when Claudia mentioned how Bruce kept her under floorboards for weeks.

(Just like as an aside: Obviously, all that was horrible. I didn't particularly like it myself, but that's tied up in my own personal shit. When I was 14, someone close to me, someone my age, was a victim of SA. So I tend to just dislike SA plots in general, but Claudia is supposed to be 14, physically speaking. And like, I can't remove my own personal feelings from thinking about it. Like, there's a shit ton of posts out there arguing whether it was good or bad writing, etc. But this isn't one of those posts. And I'd really prefer if we didn't turn it into one of those posts, bc I don't like to think about it.)

This post is about Lestat. Who was kidnapped from his room by Magnus. And kept for a week. Surrounded by bodies that looked like his. And he says Magnus fed on him every night. But there's this bit here that gives me pause:

We already know from the books that a vampire biting someone without permission is akin to rape. Like Anne Rice was not subtle with that metaphor. But in the books, vampires also couldn't have sex the human way. In the show they can.

If Magnus is feeding on Lestat, why does he need to remove him from the tower? Biting him while in the tower would be no different than biting him anywhere else. It's not like the corpses bother him, or he'd have gotten rid of them.

So where is he taking him? And why? I think that maybe the show is going to go even darker and have that metaphorical rape also be a literal one.

[scrambledslut]

how fucking dare you insert yourself into my life and then leave without so much as a goodbye

[jvzebel-x]

"I hate how they have the power to kill my future-- kill me. They treat my black skin like a gun or a grenade or a knife that's dangerous and lethal. When, really, it's them. The guys at the top, powering everything."

x. "Ace of Spades", Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé

[letthestorieslive]

Oh Tracy...

[eviltoxicmosssauce]

so i keep seeing stuff about how in the finale, arthur was originally supposed to tell merlin he loved him.

but okay think about it. what if he had? what if those were his dying words?

merlin never would've been able to say it back. they never would've been together. arthur would've died, and merlin would've lived on, alone, knowing there was so much more between them that he'd lost.

he would've known he was loved back, but it would've been too late.

letting the dialogue stay that way would've made the finale so many times more heartbreaking. i wish we'd had closure on their relationship, but i wish it didn't have to be said, like so many other important things, only when it was too late.

[arcadeghozt]

trying soo hard to shut up abt the way barry’s character was handled in the post-coma seasons but the more i think abt it the more pissed off i get what in gods name were they thinkingggg

[creativesplat]

Hawks because I discovered the @keigotime blog and now I love the Bird man more

[yentling]

Not saying anything new here but I think gregg araki really nailed like. How this idea of alien contact fits into our cultural conversation irt trauma, esp for young people. No this comment does not have anything to do with my derealization issues I just had a story idea involving aliens and I was like huh. Araki really got it.

[munamania]

not to sound cocky or presumptuous but i know. if i can talk to her alone at some point when school starts i can get her to tell me wtf was going on lmfao

[protect-namine]

I am re-experiencing the catharsis that comes with reading recovery fics where max either regularly visits nathan in rehab or max finds out she's doing group therapy with him or max meets nathan like five years into the future after they both sorted through their own shit and they get closure and become better people and maybe bond over photography

[carrie-fister]

I keep trying to make this post about how shitty the dissolving of a close personal friendship has been for me lately but I cannot form the words. It's all just absolute shit, do not recommend