#i was literally 100% capable to go back to work and be fine

[elliesonlyhoe]

Loser!ellie headcannons .ᐟ (pt. 2)

(Warnings: Some NSFW ‘nd I think that's it, lmk if I missed anything !)

Loser! Ellie who fucking loves neck kisses (and kisses in general)

Loser! Ellie who claims she's fully capable of being away from you for long periods of time yet not even 10 minutes after you walk out the door to go to work, she starts calling/texting you.

Loser! Ellie who begged you to get matching pajamas with her until you just caved and ordered them😭

“Babeee just hear me out!” Ellie whined, shoving her phone in your face which on the screen had a picture of a couple wearing these adorable matching dinosaur onesies. “Els no. I'm not wearing fucking dinosaur pajamas..” You rolled your eyes playfully, pushing her phone away “But-” “No Ellie.” You cut her off. “Y'know what, fine then.” Ellie said, turning away from you. You look at your girlfriend sighing “Ellie do not..” you say chuckling playfully, you knew when Ellie didn't get her way it resulted in her giving you the silent treatment. “For fucks sake, give me the phone.” You say trying to sound annoyed but failing. “Fuck yes!” Ellie said in excitement handing you her phone so you could purchase the pajamas

Once you placed the order you sighed seeing your girlfriend smirking at you, “You're such a dick” you tease, obviously not meaning it “I love you too~” Ellie teases back an adorable giggle of excitement escaping her lips.

Loser! Ellie who would make these adorable paper rings for the two of you :( <3 (and you would wear yours everywhere you go)

Loser! Ellie who absolutely adores physical touch, but quality time and words of affirmations and are close 2nds

Loser! Ellie who clings to you like a little koala throughout the day

Loser! Ellie who cannot stay quiet during makeout sessions for shit. (I'm talking constant whining and small breathy moans in between kisses)

Loser! Ellie who likes watching you every move, she just finds it so fucking attractive how you manage to look so cute doing literally anything

Loser! Ellie who wrote cute songs for you before you guys started dating and would play them on her guitar without you realizing that the songs were actually about YOU

Loser! Ellie who scrolls through the texts between you and her while you're at work and gets off to any and every voice note and/or photo/video you've ever sent her (She's so fucking needy I swearrr)

Loser! Ellie who would find you 10x hotter if you could speak another language🙏❤ (like don’t get me wrong she'd love you regardless but this bitch is a sucker for other languages and accents)

Loser! Ellie who 100% prefers tits over ass 

Loser! Ellie who begs to watch Jurassic Park on your movie nights (despite having watched it with you a million times.)

Loser! Ellie who can't keep her hands off of you whatsoever

You and Ellie had gone out to a restaurant of your choice for your weekly date, sure Ellie wasn't much of a restaurant typa girl but she'd do anything if it meant seeing you happy. That night you had been wearing this beautiful wine red dress that hugged your body so perfectly, Ellie couldn’t help but stare at the way the dress showed off your every curve. She swore she was in heaven, not to mention how short the dress was, she was so tempted to glide her hand across your thigh just to get a reaction out of you. You, on the other hand, didn't even need to look over at your girlfriend to know that her eyes were roaming your body. 

“Hm? Something wrong Els?” you teased as she snapped out of whatever trance your body had on her “You're just s'pretty mama.. it's unbearable..” Ellie mumbled, before starting to play with the bottom of your dress, her hands almost finding a way underneath. “Baby, not here..” you mumbled tapping Ellies hand with your own as a signal for her to move it away. “Please babe~ I'll make it quick..” Ellie whispered as she nuzzled into the nape of your neck, placing soft kisses along your supple skin. You whined quietly feeling your girlfriends tongue and lips trailing along your neck up to your ear. “Fuck it.. just be quick..” you say trying your best not to lose your composure. Ellie grins and places her hand in yours standing up and directing you to the restroom. 

Loser! Ellie who likes picking dandelions and putting them in your hair at any chance she gets

Loser! Ellie who has a playlist she listens to on the daily of songs that remind her of you

Loser! Ellie who can’t pose in pictures for shit, like you'll be standing there doing a cute lil pose for the selfie you wanted to take of the two of you while Ellie either holds up a peace sign or just awkwardly stands like “🧍‍♀️”

Loser! Ellie who tells all her friends about you and tells them all the cute things you've said or done

A/N .ᐟ : Thank you guys sm for all the love on pt.1 (like deadass I'm so grateful) so I figured I'd make a part 2!

[thegurlwhoisntthere]

Okay, so I can’t believe I’m writing this, the Maribat/Daminette fandom has me by the throat so, here we are

There are a lot of fics where Damian comes to Paris and they click and he gets the Black cat miraculous for various reasons, and also a lot where Marinette goes to Gotham with generally the same outcomes, but what about a fic where Damian and his class go on a trip to Paris before Hawkmoth first attacks.

Like, he’s 13 and forced into this trip because the fam wants him to experience more than just being a vigilante and he hates it. His school has a program with Marinette’s, so at the beginning of the year they pack up and plan to spend two weeks in Paris.

This trip just so happens to coincide with when Master Fu is looking for his new Ladybug and Black Cat (y’all see where I’m going with this?)

In this Au, Adrien makes it to the school sooner and misses Master Fu because he’s testing Marinette. Adrien still gets to go to school, because he deserves happiness, but he’s able to get there the first day, and so avoids the whole gum thing that make Marinette hate him, but also sees what Chloe does to Marinette which really changes his initial perspective of school. He would definitely be a temp hero later, but he gets to enjoy being a normal rebellious teen.

Anyway, so Adrien Misses Fu, so who’s going to be the Cat? Well, Damian’s school pulls up at the same time Adrien would have.

The class stops to do a head count and give the general speech of why they’re there in front of the school and Damian’s planning on slipping away because he’s 13 and thinks this is all a waste of his time. He thinks that if he can make it back to the hotel without anyone noticing he’ll be able to make an argument that they forgot him and that he should be allowed to go home (can you see where I’m taking my inspiration from?). Unfortunately for him, Fu sees this and does his test (the fall). All his classmates don’t do anything because they’re from Gotham and are suspicious of everything (and also it’s Paris and they don’t want to be scammed) and the teachers don’t notice. Damian, however, does notice. He considers leaving anyway because it’s not his problem, but he’s been Robin for almost 3 or 4 years at this point and, contrary to what some people might say, has grown a lot. He would feel guilty and maybe even a little unworthy of Robin if he didn’t stop for 2 seconds to help this old man up.

It goes quite similarly to how it did with Adrien, he helps Fu up, but gets caught and can no longer run away from the class.

Basically, this au is a “what if Damian was The Black Cat from the start?”

I have a lot more ideas, but here’s just a few:

Damian isn’t Chat Noir, but I haven’t looked up any cat related names that he could be yet.

As the cat, Damian acts a lot more fun than he normally would allow himself. He’s not Chat Noir level, but this is the first time in his life where literally no one knows who he is and is monitoring his behavior, nor does he have anyone’s expectations on him for who he should be.

He’s initially annoyed with Ladybug, because she’s so clearly untrained, unconfident, and unprepared, but then she comes up with the plan that shows what she could be capable of, and the speech and he might have a crush, but brushes it off as grudgingly respecting her

He 100% plans on training her and their partnership is more equal than what the show portrays it as, because one of my main problems with the actual show is that chat noir, despite being her partner is often shoved aside and given the sidekick role

Damian doesn’t tell his family what’s happening. As far as they’re aware, Paris is fine. Normally he would have, but he had no time until after the fight and he really enjoyed being the cat that he’s like “I’ll tell them later” which keeps being pushed back.

At the end of the trip he somehow talks his family into letting him actually transfer to Paris so he can stay as the cat

He is baffled that this works, but they are all so happy that he’s taking an interest in something other than Robin and Superheroing that they jump on letting him before realizing that it means he’s gonna be in Paris for months.

Dick is sad about this later, so is Bruce and Alfred and the others, but he’s the most vocal about it.

Damian is also baffled that they haven’t figured out what’s going on by now and as everyday passes he gets more and more annoyed by the fact that his so called family of detectives have realized that he’s decided if they can’t figure it out, he’s not telling them.

He has not figured out that magic is preventing knowledge of this from leaving Paris and even if it didn’t, Magic is protecting his identity.

He acts annoyed by Plagg, but he actually loves him so much

His cat outfit is still fun with the ears and tail, but it’s a lot more elaborate and has a utility belt and a lot of hidden things

In fact, because it’s so elaborate, Marinette’s boring suit only stays for the first time she transforms. Once the fight finishes her little fashion designer brain can’t stop thinking about it and comes up with a new design after consulting Tikki.

Of course, she only has the idea of the costume down, because by the time they finalize it, she sees the news and has her depression moment, so the first time she wears it is when she saves Alya.

Due to this first change, her outfit would constantly be changing throughout her time as Ladybug, as she learns more about fighting and what she’s comfortable with, as well as what’s actually possible with magic and the miraculous.

By the end of the year her firs are going to be crazy (wait till she finds out she can change her actual eyes (both color and the pupils and-) hair colors and length)

She will eventually bully Damian into making some changes but he’s generally happy with the first design.

They also know each others identities a lot sooner because Damian actually knows the benefits and his cold logic is able to cut through a lot of her anxiety.

It still doesn’t happen until at least the second season tho.

Y’all I have so much more, but this is getting long and I’ve got things to do so tell me if u want more or feel free to add your own ideas!!!

[rueririn]

Pirating OPLA, thoughts

Episode 1

Garp being at Roger's execution is a nice touch

Really like how full Luffy's dinghy is-- crates of fruit, a barrel of fish instead of just one barrel of apples--- all makes sense. All the tiny details removed from manga that are just added onto opla for realism-- like the way the execution stand works, too, with the people cranking the manual lift to get roger up there. It's all very cool and makes the setting feel more piraty than mangapiece.

Our beloved Zoro tried to go to Sixis on a cruise ship. This is a good way to casually mention Zoro earlier (plus that's Ace's first island so it actually lines up on the One Piece map to be around Dawn Island--)

"it's worth more than the rest of our loot put together" a nika mention that can be interpreted as just a devil fruit mention

"You should never let anyone tell you what you can't do. If I did that, I never would have left my village to go find the One Piece." Luffy referencing Garp like this is so funny to me

Unlike mangapiece, Luffy invites Coby along before knowing his dream to become a marine. This makes me sad because now I wish la coby joined the crew

opla Shanks is weirdly more serious than mangapiece Shanks. Not necessarily in a bad way, just different. That's the attitude I'm takign for most of opla anyways.

Adding the Mr 7 and Zoro fight here is actually really cool

Beta Nami outfit aaaaa they moved the pre-orange town ship-stealing scene to serve as her introduction scene and that works so well for her.

I love that they all naturally congregated in Ririka's bar. Everyone congregates and chaos occurs. Really like how they switched things up while never really taking things off course.

"PIRATES SPREAD DISEASE" poster on the wall

Coby sliding under the table once a fight breaks outajslkdjalsijdsakj i love him pls

ADORE the barfight. It's Zoro vs Baroque Works but bite-sized and with everything we love about the most consistently badass member of the crew. Thank you.

Zoro really pulled a reverse on Helmeppo lmao. "Three swords? I only need one" proceeds to get curbed by zero swords

oh! Zoro introduced himself as pirate hunter. that makes him different from mangapiece where he explicitly says at some point that he never called himself that. But it fits the opla characterisation so fair enough.

Luffy popping out of the manhole to yell 'thanks' at Zoro just sends me. Makino taught him well.

Nami being the most independent and capable girlboss up until the second Luffy literally crashes into her life and ruins her plan is actually 100% compliant with the basis of their relationship.

Oh is this the ass naked Helmeppo scene everyone's been yelling abo--- oh it is. ok.

I've never realized how badly I wanted a Nami and Luffy fighting together scene until now. I just realized how little of those we get in Mangapiece. Holy shit.

Romance Dawn trio just has this really satisfying trio cohesion that I can't describe. They're forever my favourite trio in the strawhats and opla does a magnificent job of bringing justice to what the manga couldn't give them with its chapter and page limits, since their only trio time together without being dragged around by handicaps was in the gaimon arc.

Makes me a little sad that Coby's involvement in Shells gets cut down a little, but that's fine I guess, he got plenty of touchup in his introduction scene.

Luffy holding back laughter when he sees Helmeppo's hair. Zoro chuckling because "yeah I might've done that" and Nami just being speechless. They're so stupid i love them

Garp going silent when he hears a straw-hat pirate stole the map to the grand line. I like to think this could imply Roger also stole his map once upon a time, but for now I'm just laughing at Garp internally screeching "that STUPID GRANDSON it's been ONE DAY"

[olivianyx]

Hi so im aware that self concept has an important role in manifesting but back when i was a child my parents used to say that im dumb, talentless and not capable of anything. This is a trauma that i have and i dont really believe myself that i can manifest my desires

Hi! Thanks for the ask! I dealt with this same trauma since I was a kid. It's gonna be a long post ahead, but it might be worth the read.

So basically, self concept plays a very important role in manifesting. Especially which determines our perspective of our entire reality.

So what's self concept? It's the beliefs that one holds in his/her life and the responses of others.

So as you said, the childhood trauma that prevents us from experiencing what we want, is like a blockage in our minds. But we as conscious manifestors, should know that mind is an illusion. Thoughts are an illusion, ego is an illusion, trauma is an illusion, blockages are an illusion.

But we get lost in the illusion, and we started identifying as the illusion. But it's not our fault that the society moulded our brains like this since childhood. So the first thing I'mma ask you to do is, STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP. Like literally please.

We're literally the Gods of our realities, so why are we giving our power to a trauma? A past that doesn't even exist. We're limitless and the useless wiring in our brains has lead to all these.

We can ofc heal trauma, only if we treat ourselves with love, gentleness, and peace.

Here's a method that worked for me, so I'm sharing it with you.

First, let us put everything down and sit by ourselves. Then, let's ask ourselves to be truthful. Ask yourself how are we doing. If there's an answer, continue asking it, is it doing fine... If there's an answer. Try to sooth yourself if there's a negative answer (this always worked for me cus trauma affects our body reactions too. So when I tried soothing myself, my body, like gently stroking your arms, or patting your shoulders, and hugging yourself)

When I do this to myself, I start to tear up cus there was no one hold me or sooth me during harder times, so I give myself time to cry it all out (this works 100% of the time)

secondly, I accept everything the trauma tells me (actually if you accept it, there won't be any resistance) so I accept that I was useless, I was worthless, I was a mistake, I was a disappointment, I did nothing in my life, I won't ever achieve anything in my life, and so on. Till the voice inside is slowly dying away.

Then I start to meditate for a few minutes, sometimes I put on a subliminal or a song too. And then I start to tell myself that, it was the past, the past is in the past, it doesn't exist now. I can now, this moment be a better person ever, cus I am.

Summary:

And I start to affirm/listen to subliminals, and then there was nothing telling me I was useless and shit. I try to sooth myself still more with gentleness. I didn't beat myself up. I just affirm that I am a better person now and go on with my self concept affirmations.

This is what helped me cured my trauma, but not completely, even now I do get thoughts of it, but now I'm aware it's just an illusion. Sometimes I cry alot too, even now. Just to feel better. So I've decided that I'm gonna revise that, I never had trauma.

Summary here,

1. Don't beat yourself up

2. Be gentle with yourself like dealing with a baby

3. Ask yourself to be truthful to yourself to whatever questions you ask

4. Ask how is it doing, and next is it really doing okay

5. Sooth your body with stroking moments

6. Cry if you feel like, and let it all out

7. ACCEPT IT

8. meditate for a few minutes after you've calmed down

9. Tell yourself you're now a better person and the past is just past now and it doesn't exist

10. Continue with your self concept routine as usual, whatever you consider doing.

I hope this will help many people out there and you too :) love you 🤍 you can do it! If you have any more doubts you can still ask me what ever, I'm here to help you 🤍

[auschizm]

Hello! I would like to vent about something that’s been causing me a lot of stress/paranoia for the past 2-3 years.

I had to get my phone fixed after it fell down my apartment steps. I set up an appointment, and my sister said that she could take it in for me. Everything was fine until they asked her/me for my PIN code + then factory reset my phone - something that really wasn’t necessary in my opinion, but my sister told me that they said it needed to be done. It really bothered me at the time, but I was just happy to get my phone back.

It’s only for the past couple of months that it’s been causing me to be extremely paranoid. And I kind of know where it stems from:

1) My mom going through my things as a kid-teen,

2) Men suddenly starting to perceive me (#ew), and

3) paranoia of being watched/on camera unknowingly.

I know this is all interconnected, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling noxiously paranoid everyday. I can’t go 2 hours without thinking about it - and I’ve tried telling myself how unreasonable it is; reverse-image searching pictures and videos of myself online, looking at reviews for the business, saying that even if videos/pictures of me are out there, there’s nothing I can do now - and if they are out there, not everyone I interact with has seen them.

But none of it helps. No matter how reasonable I get, the paranoia mutates and I just start thinking about it again.

(I don’t understand why men are paying attention to me; I wish no one ever looked at me. I’m thinking it has to be because a video of me got out.)

——————————————————————————

Also, I was fired from my first “real” job last year - small business with manipulative, idiot boss that only hired me because he was firing someone that was more capable and that he couldn’t afford to pay anymore. He went to my mom’s church and only hired me because - in his words - “I was slow”.

Not too slow to realize that he wasn’t paying me enough, that he wasn’t paying vendors, and that his business model was literally ordering things online and pricing it up 100%. I only took the job because I desperately needed some experience, but he spent the whole time treating me as if he got one over on me: looking at me like a toddler/dog whenever I successfully completed a task, ogling me when he thought I didn’t notice - or possibly because he didn’t think I noticed - and telling everyone he knew that I was his “goddaughter” (I hate forced proximity like this; you don’t know me).

Anyway, when I confronted him about not paying me enough I knew he was probably just going to fire me, but I didn’t really care at that point. And that did happen a month later. But he (and his wife, who kinda operated the business) said that they had fired me because ‘I was going to college’, and also, they ‘saw something on camera’.”

Now, as far as I know, there was only one camera in the entire store. But considering how paranoid and manipulative he was, I wouldn’t put it past him to put a camera somewhere else - no matter how cheap he was. I’m thinking he just said that so I couldn’t sue/get unemployment, but if he wanted to fire me why not just give an actual reason - of which there were a few. But it’s still making me incredibly paranoid, because although he is a piece of shit, he knows more people than I do. If he wanted to ruin my reputation by being a petty liar, he could (something he did to the woman that he fired - who I’m pretty sure was autistic as well; we got along pretty well.)

(I also feel disgustingly guilty for taking the woman who was fired’s job. But I really needed to work at the time, and the job was offered to me as if we would be working together, not that I would be replacing her. It literally makes me feel so sick. We talked a bit after she left, and she didn’t seem to mind, and was still very nice. But still, like, would you tell somebody you hated their guts to their face?)

——————————————————————————

Okay, that’s all. I didn’t mean for this to get so long, but if I’m paranoid about one, I’m usually paranoid about the other.

Thank you for reading! I hope you’re doing well <3<3<3<3

I can't tell you how to effectively work through your paranoia, but I can say that it makes sense to be paranoid about these things if you besides having a tendency towards paranoia have a history with surveillance and mistreatment. So you really shouldn't beat yourself up for struggling with all of this.

[conkreetmonkey]

I've been thinking about how odd it is that despite their reputation for being the easiest type of houseplant to keep, I actually have worse luck with cacti than any other kind of plant, and I think I've finally figured out why: cacti don't let you know when they're not doing well.

Think of a plant with leaves. When you water it too little or too much, give it too little sunlight, whatever the problem is, it will usually visually show that it's unhealthy. Leaves will wilt, stems will droop, discolouration will delelop, and it will be obvious that you are doing something wrong. While it's obviously not intentional communication and just visual symptoms of a plant being unhealthy, in a purely analogous sense, leafy houseplants could be considered more "honest" than a cactus. When they're not doing well, they "tell" you, and you have time to adjust their situation before they die.

The cactus, however, does not communicate when it is not doing well. When you take care of a cactus in a way it doesn't like, it gives no outward visual indicator of this. It simply up and rots one day, like a switch was flipped, and you never even know what exactly you did to kill it.

I recall reading a book once in which a man goes on a pilgrimage through egypt. He spends a good deal of the trip on the back of a camel, but his mentor advises him to sell it and get a horse instead, his reasoning being that horses let you know when you're pushing them too hard and you can guage what they're capable of based on what they communicate to you, whereas camels will always stoically push through any amount of pain until they literally collapse of exhaustion and die underneath you. While the camel may seem "stronger" in this regard, the horse is far more practical because it communicates its feelings. When it is tired, it tells its owner through body language and horse noises and whatnot. The camel's complete lack of complaint is the reason the hero of the story trades it in for a horse; this "strength" is actually its biggest weakness.

And while I've been thinking of these things, of cacti and camels, I think it could apply to people to. I've heard and live by the Tumblr saying "people don't go from 0-100 out of nowhere, and if it seems that way they were actually at 99." I don't remember who said it, but it holds true. We all know a person who hold their emotions in until one day they explode with rage or tears, and we all know how this makes us feel, like we're walking on eggshells around them because we can't tell if they're at 1% or 99%. Talking to this kind of person is like driving a car with no fuel guage. It's stressful, because theoretically any moment could be the one the car suddenly grinds to a halt. You never know if it needs gas, or how much, because the car always insists no gas is needed, despite both of you knowing this isn't true. It doesn't want to bother you by asking for a refuel or telling you how far it thinks it can drive. It always insists it's fine, despite all cars needing a fuel source simply because that's how cars work.

So I urge you, don't be a cactus to your family and friends. Be a leafy plant. Allow yourself to wilt. Be emotionally honest, so that we can know when you need help. Everyone would vastly prefer that to you collapsing under the weight one day, never having asked for help, hoping against hope that this time, through sheer force of will, you would cease to have limits. Plants need water, pack animals need rest, cars need gas, and you, my friend, need some level of emotional support in your life, as all people do. Don't be afraid to act like it, it's far more practical in the long run.

[narwhalandchill]

anyway. actually somewhat invested in hsr endgame again thanks to feixiao Personally for being so strong And fun so. convoluted gamer ramble time uwu

bc i in fact went and Actually cleared the current apocalyptic shadow with her after procrastinating on the 4th stage bc shit just didnt look worth the wonky strategizing and several retries itd likely take me for a clear at all with all the multi target bullshit happening w both kafkas summon thing and the other one (forgor the name rip) when i had none of the recent weakness ignoring/implanting 5* carries that could shrug it off no problem. so i had just done the 3rd difficulty when the mode refreshed and p much left it there to wait for 2.5

BUT shes here so!!! wahoo. apocalyptic shadow hater era temporarily retired lets see what my girl can do 😤😤

first tries were before today so obviously no robin yet but i got a very good very nice very easy feixiao moment first side clear anyway looking like this

like. very much a nice scrumptious comfy clear we love to see it and a score perfectly capable of carrying a weaker 2nd half clear as long as i got that clear

......buuut as you can see. from the score. on the 2nd scuffed team that id like to call the certified "omg so sorry for not pulling firefly" cope gang. Yeah about that. Clear. i needed. just a successful clear so feixiao side could carry me to the 3* . Wasnt happening actually 💀

bc like. i wasnt even killing the boss before it merked someone (usually himeko or gallagher) and by that point it just fell thru 😭😭 always got thru its 1st phase fine enough but the 2nd just wasnt working out despite several retries where it just played out the exact same every time . so i let it be for a few days kinda thinking i just wouldnt bother w the third star bc at least i got most of the jades there

buuuut. Robin today so i wanted to go try the same 1st half clear with her too (it was a massacre. feixiao can literally get a total of 4 ults during robins ult if u break kafka before the uptime ends bc broken boss = free max flying aureus stacks 💀💀💀 when she can store 12 total) so i was kinda like. fuck it lets TRY to clear that 2nd side too at least try to stay alive and see what i can do bc. the team still felt like i had the right idea going and super break is supposed to be the hsr hyperbloom for content like this anyway . Surely i can figure it out

like firstly i finally put my gallagher on the 2p fire break planars over just usual keel id been using since it was becoming clear that the team as a whole just needed more super break dmg. and same for himeko (i actually had forgor her on sigonia for PF so that was embarrassing) with a break rope + fire orb with crit and speed

.....buuut it still wasnt working out :/// oh well

and like im p much assuming its literally just a gear issue of not actually having enough of a break hybrid build going on for himeko for the clear to work out smoothly at this point (bc himeko break 100% should suffice for this stage. i think mines too slow mostly) so i. went back to the drawing board aka stealing ideas from the one (1) even slightly worthwhile user-generated content category on hoyolab aka lineup assistant and a particular team just. Jumped out at me from there as having potential and well. only had to kick out himeko for none other than the recently e6'd dashing xianzhou swordplay apprentice from the express who beloved by all and i.

Holy shit

im so sorry for my feeble ignorance miss march i wasnt aware of your insane break meta game 😭😭😭😭🙏🙏💕💕💕

Like. on some level yes i Knew her kit had a more break oriented side to it . And that she did some crazy weakness dmg with her fully stacked enhanced basic. but holy fucking shit her and making gallagher shifu just. Slay

like the team lineup on hoyolab i stole for this idea had an E6 gallagher. and a fully farmed 4p iron cavalry for march w insane total BE AND crit. like just v strong investment going on. Whereas i literally just slapped the break rope and fire (yes) orb id attempted on himeko on march and STILL watched her and my feeble e2 gallagher w just 2p 2p BE absolutely obliterate the 2nd half on first try like 😭😭😭😭 thank you march best girl with the cutest design truly the savior of ALL firefly skippers......

[starryeyed-seer]

midnight, mask, and hide. for all of ur little guys

Oooo thank you. I need to develop these guys more and secrets and suffering is a key neathly spice.

mask: Does your OC wear a mask, literally or figuratively? What goes on beneath it? Is there anyone in their life who gets to see who they are under the mask?

Enoch's life is divided. In London, he drinks and parties and pays for stranger's bills. He's a wonderful Society dinner guest, just dangerous enough it's exotic, and willing to wear glasses dark enough to hide his weird eyes. He is seen where he needs to be, and he acts as what he is supposed to be. The Zee offers him freedom, long quiet nights and the finality of The Hunt. Neither feels like enough, but he doesn't know what will. Maybe the next death.

He leads a very, very lonely life, but doesn't admit to himself this is the case. He's sure he's capable of anything he sets his mind to, and doesn't feel the need to involve others in these plans. A lot of people who interact with him see a certain emptiness in his actions, but he wouldn't admit to it if called out. He's 100% sure he's 100% fine.

-

Mikhail is a large collection of masks in a glittery trenchcoat. I haven't gotten a good enough grasp of devil psychology to say for certain, but 'Mikhail's true self' is buried pretty deep in that beeswax shell of hers.

She finds mocking the heavens amusing and has devoted her aesthetic to it, but in doing so remains rooted in the past. Devils have moved on to new civilizations, far from kings, but Mikhail remains fixated on old failings and follies. This comes from a bitter core for the cycle of existence itself, and the feeling all things exist in a cycle that can't be escaped from. Nothing lasts, no good will remains good forever, so utopia exists without crumbling.

She does share this side of her, but only when in a poor mood, at which point she might wake Grieje in the middle of the night, smoking something horrible, standing in the doorway to vent her angers.

-

Grietje doesn't hide much, because she herself is quite hidden. Most of the time she is in bed or dreaming, and has very few contacts. She is so relieved to have company or go outside that she will put aside anything bothering her in order to make the most of it. This means she tends to be socially passive, desperate to keep the atmosphere pleasant no matter what.

Her life is defined by thresholds and distance, and she wants most of all to be seen. When she tries to express this, she writes romantic poetry people make fun of, and when she tries to talk about it, she is usually talking to the Grey-Aro Enoch or the Aro Mikhail. When she writes to her bohemian contacts, she finds sympathy but also story after story that remind her how Distant she is from all she wants- but she is just thankful to talk at all.

-

-

-

midnight: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping?

Enoch has plenty of nightmares, but I haven't figured out quite what yet. I think he should be haunted by something... beyond that though, he definitely has frequent dreams of his many deaths. As much as he enjoys the adrenaline rush at the time, the moment of death, the memories haunt him. In his dreams, he only feels fear, and he can't fight back or control anything. He also has a lot of dreams involving being torn apart and dissolving into an angry mass of his victims and fallen crewmates.

He tries to fight off sleeping by being productive. Sometimes he goes to his laboratory and drinks coffee, and usually wakes up fully by the time he's accidentally given himself a severe chemical burn. Sometimes he just drinks and takes the next day off, or takes some honey to try and find something pleasant.

-

I'm not sure devils need to sleep or dream. Mikhail is about as fearless as most devils, but certainly can work herself into fits of irritation that, as said, usually involve ranting to Grietje at 3am while smoking. She also will pace and talk to herself, and some nights can be found wandering London's sidestreets looking pissed as hell and muttering archaic curses. She also would probably poison herself for fun.

-

Grietje has many dreams, especially since she's a frequent honey dreamer. The least pleasant of them involve losing her ability to speak, write, and eventually communicate at all. Sometimes she dreams of endless staircases she has to pull herself up, sometimes she dreams of a tiny little box.

Very often, she dreams of rejection- the sense of a person, place, or even concept picking her out in specific and saying No. Not You. Lovers denounce her at the altar, crowds slip away when she stands in them, and gravity singles her out as solely undeserving. When she can't sleep, she writes it all out.

-

-

-

hide: What does your OC hide? Why do they hide it?

Enoch hides his pelegin eyes among polite Society. It's much like his gender: they weren't okay with it, until they were, because he was rich and important now. They can tolerate it, but it's impolite to flaunt it.

I'm so sure he has many deep dark secrets. I need to discover more of them. He certainly hides most of his emotions, and tries to hide how bad a person he is with acts of charity and a fake attitude of being more low-key than he is.

-

Mikhael almost certainly has big grand secrets I haven't nailed down yet. I haven't decided what her life was like in the High Wilderness yet! She could have been a low ranked peon who simply survived and observed, but it's probably more fun to give her some importance. It feels a bit too much to make her like a former grand devil or judgement though, but I need to figure out what made her like this.

Certainly, she's been around and through a lot, and feels life is a series of turning wheels which can be sped up and slowed down but cannot cease- what was will be, and what will be will pass. Light will become dark and then the dark will become light. The angels are the devils are the angels.

Technically Mikhael hides from Grietje her exact reasoning for her patronship, but Grietje knows she isn't a good writer and is just glad to be paid.

[jounosparticles]

au where the hunting dogs disband and jouno and tecchou join the agency together (they both need some purpose, some sense of justice to act out and they don't know where else to go). tachihara returns and stays with the mafia, and brings teruko with him because they don't want to separate. i feel like she'd hate being a mafia agent (i know nothing about her, i haven't watched season 5 and i last saw 4 when it released) so maybe she just lives with tachi. i wonder what jouno and tecchou would do if they were on a mission to stop the mafia and encountered tachihara again....

sorry for the long ask btw i wanted to tell someone this and all my friends are asleep #heartbroken

also ill give myself a sign off because iv sent you like 3 asks atp but im too terrified to remove anon

- 🗡️ aka literally jouno again :3

DONT BE SORRY!!! i love getting asks this is so fun to me :) idk who u are but you seem cool and id always love to hear your ideas !!!

i also super recommend checking out season 5 whenever you can :)) call me biased because i am but i think it’s a great season :)

ANYWAY

first i’ll talk about teruko. i do not see her going into the mafia however i can her sticking with tachihara. i wonder if it would create some sort of tension or if they’d just let each other live? hmmm i’ll have to ponder that idea. i do 100% see tachihara going back into the mafia though, he found his place there.

jouno and tetchou joining the ada would be really fun i think. i could see maybe some tension due to what happened in the whole "dogs hunt dogs" episode, however since it was a misunderstanding i can see them being forgiven easily as well.

i feel like jouno would have a hard time adjusting. he has a low temper with tetchou i can just imagine how short he would be with some of the ada members. i could see him arguing with ranpo and dazai a lot. and possibly getting along with kunikida since he wouldn’t be an ass.

id like to see jouno and dazai talk normally though. their pasts parallel each other a good bit! i feel their conflicting morals would make them not particularly get along however it could make for some interesting interactions. i will go on about that in another post eventually

i feel like overall jouno would rather stick to tetchou as well as anyone who will treat him as a superior instead of the others.

as for tetchou. literally all i want is for him to mentor kenji. like they’re basically friends now, they’re similar in morals/principles, and are both very direct with everything they say/think. that combined with them having similar physical capabilities i could see tetchou training kenji well and taking on a mentor/older brother figure.

i also feel like kunikida would like tetchou. he’s very direct and i doubt he’s a disruption, they’d get along well.

in contrast i feel like junichiro would probably be intimidated by him. not sure why, just how i feel.

i also don’t think dazai would have much fun with him, since he probably isn’t easily bothered by the silly antics dazai likes to do.

unfortunately i don’t know how this would work if the hunting dogs require surgery to live still. jouno and tetchou would probably be fine since they’re still affiliated with law enforcement but tachihara would likely die. that’s a post for another time i suppose.

OH! and encountering tachihara. huge angst potential here that sounds really hard to do. i could see them trying to bring tachi back since he has proven himself to be good before? i don’t know if it would work but even tachi said before the hunting dogs weren’t bad either. he just needs a place to be himself

but anyways i really like this idea!!! i love imagining how the different characters would interact w/ each other :)

[fruitless-vain]

A good day for Yo, a bad day for the public lmao

Our goal today was isolating why she was struggling with ignoring people in michaels and then introducing the food court if she was up for it (above)

Sorted out that the people problem was exclusive to the speed we were going and how mentally taxing the activity was at the time of the person approaching. If we’re doing something that doesn’t take a lot of her brain power (casually walking slowly) it’s easier for her to get distracted than if she’s actively tasking, retrieving or walking quickly which requires more focus from her so there’s less free brain space available for people. She’s not necessarily losing focus per say but rather she’s like “I can do this in my sleep I’m gonna fidget while we do this to keep my brain busy and when I’m needed I’ll stop fidgeting” which really funny to me. So we worked on gradually slowing my walking speed and being stationary while passing people and ended with her totally back to 100% ignoring folks.

For the food court we stood outside of it for a while, we got there right at opening so every single shop was just prepping their first dishes and cooking absolutely everything which meant the smells were high as was clattering and banging. She didn’t show any interest in the smells, we walked from the opposite side of the mall to get there so she gradually had the smells enter the air as we got closer and as a result she was fully prepared to ignore food smells when we got there. Her biggest struggle was the banging, she was fine with it at every varying distance but once we actually get in the loop and the sounds are all around her it became a bit stressful for her- ended up finding the sounds were quiet in the very centre of the court so we were able to adjust to the surround sound banging at a lower volume. We just did two laps around with a break in between to keep it light and easy not building up stress and tried to sit right on that edge of absolutely minor stress that she’s capable of processing and overcoming. She had no hesitancy to enter the space and managed the stress really well, just popping the ears back and watching to process what was going on. I didn’t reinforce much in here because Yoshi tends to hyper-fixate if you reinforce during a stressful time, thinking and focusing exclusively on the scary thing instead of taking the treat and moving on so instead we used movement as the reward here to keep the mentality light and put less focus on the banging. Her second lap was much less stressy than the first so we definitely are headed in the right direction there- we’ll try to set up a drill at home to work more on that discomfort so that stress doesn’t have to be occurring while in gear. Super happy with how she did in here, not bothered by the food smells, no issues with the crowds, only a low level of stress despite just how loud and continuous the environment was, managed her stress well and still maintained excellent leash skills as well as focus throughout. She also had people trying to chat to her through this area which were of 0 concern to her.

As for the public side of things here we had

Just about every member of the janitorial crew trying to talk to her, not just “aren’t you cute!” Which doesn’t really bother me but full out “hey puppy!!!!!” “Look here puppy!!!” “Kissy sounds” Yoshi ignored them all pretty easily with the exception of one who she stopped to look back at, I paused with her and she quickly resumed focus and carried on this was like five separate occasions

Found a pen on the floor so I had her retrieve it for practice and a literal hoard of like five people gathered around her like a circus act with one guy looming over my side and over her, didn’t stop her from retrieving, the guy then tried to pet her head when she had her paws up handing me the pen, she ignored him returned to heel after giving me the pen and we weaved through them very smoothly while I told him off

Another worker ask her name then got offended when I said “we don’t give out that information, it’s very distracting for the dog if someone is randomly saying their name while they need to work!”

We passed a person with a white cane and their partner and the partner decided to try to call to yo and get her attention- idk I feel like you should definitely know better- the person with the white cane ended up telling them off like “they’re clearly working!”

Yo really shines when people try their hardest to make her skip a beat, it’s like a personal challenge to her “oh you think you can distract me? Kissy sounds? Really? You’re gonna have to try harder than that!”

We were out for about 1h 20m with a couple 5-10 minute breaks in there trying to help her out with all the chaos. She was definitely tired at the end but still very much focused and capable which is a nice place to end off. Finished at the exit just standing there waiting to work more on settling as well as make walking towards an exit not always mean I’m gonna leave immediately to help with that forwards drift I’ve been getting at exits, she ended up exiting perfectly after that and we did a long sniffy lap around the outside by her choice.

Got a lot of things done today, worked on a lot, super productive, and conquered a bunch of challenging things! It was far from perfect but it was exactly where she should be right now, she did great

Also I low key get kinda bothered by the surprised “your dog is so well trained!” Comments on one hand it feels good that people think that because imposter syndrome and I see all her mistakes yknow, but on the other hand- of course she is? Like she kinda better be otherwise why the hell is she in a mall??? What kind of untrained dogs have you seen in here and should I be worried????

[doomednarrative]

So this is a thought that I’ve been mulling over as I keep watching Donbrothers, and after finishing episode 44 it’s one that finally fully formed in my mind, and I think I have the words to articulate it in writing now.

It’s a thought about Taro Momoi. As the Red Sentai Ranger he’s obviously going to impact the story a lot, it’s in his nature to from the moment the series starts. But there’s one specific aspect of his character that keeps catching my focus, and it’s his inherent inability to lie about anything and everything.

The thought that I keep coming back to is that if you chose to watch Donbrothers with a queer reading in mind, that specific characteristic has such a farther reaching impact on both Taro and the narrative as a Whole.

(And before I go any further, I’ll put my little disclaimer here that this is not me saying you Should watch Donbrothers with this reading or anything to that effect. It is after all at its base level a sentai show meant to sell cool toys. You don’t have to give it this depth, it’s fine without it. I however am a queer person and I find it fun to do these kinds of readings as a thought experiment and I like writing about it for others to read.)

But anyhow.

Putting the rest of my thoughts under a read more because it got very long ~

The thing that gets me about Taro and his inability to lie and the fact that he has such an obvious tell for when he Is lying - that being that it literally kills him - is that it Forces Taro to go through his life living as his 100% authentic self. There is no way for him to hide from the rest of the world, no shield of little white lies or even a false persona that he can put on to keep himself from getting hurt. And he’s more than aware that A. His inability to lie Does hurt other people, which in turn hurts him as well, and B. It often puts him at odds with others due to how it can make him come off as ruder or more careless than he might mean to be. But it’s not something that he can change about himself. He’s tried, multiple times, and it’s just not something he’s capable of doing no matter what effort he puts into it.

And this has been a persistent issue for him since early childhood. It’s this very fact about Taro that makes an entire village move away when he’s still a young boy because in his attempts to help people by being honest and upfront with them, he drove them to hate him for his perfectionist streak instead. He couldn’t soften his words or tell them that they were doing just fine but that he wanted to help them, instead everything comes off blunt and matter of fact and over time it drove people away from him, until only he and Jin were left in their little neighborhood.

Taro’s inability to lie is something that the rest of the Donbrothers challenge him on throughout the entire series. It’s something that they actively either try to work to get him to break on, or they bemoan the fact that it’s not something he can fix about himself. Sometimes this is played for laughs, but more than a handful of times it’s also the cause of actual annoyance or even a level of anger from Taro’s teammates directed at him for this thing that he cannot change about himself. Over time Taro has learned a good bit how to at least supplement his blunt honesty with some careful phrasing so that he’s not as rude to people about things, but this still doesn’t change the fact that he cannot lie, and therefore cannot change a core part of himself or use lying as a way to shield himself from things like the others can.

That’s exactly why its such a huge deal to him when Sonoi is the first person to show up in his life, very early in the series, and tell Taro upfront that not only is his honesty a fine trait that he has, but that it’s also something he likes about Taro. Sonoi, before their shock at finding out each others true identities, literally calls Taro his hope and reaffirms when Taro comes to him about this issue more than once that he thinks Taro is fine as he is. This is something that I think ends up being a huge part of why the two of them end up still being close even after all of the fighting and literally killing and reviving each other that goes on through the series. Even after the many shocks and betrayals, the fact that their relationship (whatever you chose to view it as/whatever the narrative might imply it is) started with such openness and honesty makes for a very good foundation for the two of them. There’s already so much out in the open at that point that neither of them can pull back for long. Sonoi’s efforts to do so barely last more than a few episodes, and Taro never stops being anything less than genuine with him in all of their interactions from the first time they meet.

And speaking of Sonoi and his fellow Noto companions...

Sonoi may not have a problem with lying in the literal sense like Taro does, it certainly doesn’t kill him at least and he can lie with his words all he wants with no repercussion physically. But as the series goes on, you start to see that he’s lying to both himself and his teammates about a lot of things, and it slowly stops working and starts becoming something that is an actual roadblock for not just himself but for Sononi and Sonoza as well. And Sononi and Sonoza are also lying to themselves and each other as well, and it’s not working for Any of them! Sonoi has to be called back to the purpose of their work multiple times in the beginning of the series because it becomes clear to the others that whatever fascination he has with Taro is beginning to impede their goal of wiping out the Hitotsuki, and then post the first time he kills Taro, he visibly Wilts and states that he does not like himself for what he’s done. He becomes unable to lie to both himself and to Sononi and Sonoza that he’s happy with this outcome even though he should be. He’s a Noto who just took down Don Momotaro! In any regular circumstance, this would be something that he’d be proud of, no matter the method he used to do so. But because he did so by exploiting Taro’s inability to lie to him, something that he told Taro multiple times he liked about him, his victory rings hollow, and instead becomes something he’s actively upset that he did, even when the others think he did just fine. It’s why he helps to bring Taro back, it’s why they both agree to a fair duel that they won’t regret, it’s a catalyst for so many things later on down the line.

Sonoi’s inability to lie to himself and keep going with his duties as a Noto general without interference is what eventually leads to his realization in episode 44 that he and Sonoza and Sononi are all alike in the fact that they’ve grown attached to or become fond with humanity, and this fact puts a target on all of their heads and makes them enemies to their own people. Sononi got so caught up in the love affairs of Tsubasa and his search to bring the real Natsumi back that she fell for him in the process and took multiple hits to protect him, and it almost kills her! And Sonoza, who only ever wanted to understand human emotions and how they work, ended up as the manga editor to a teenage girl who he genuinely wants to see flourish in her work that brought him such joy and who’s respect he’s earned in the process. All three of them start off the series as very serious in their duties to take out the Hitotsuki (and later the Beastials) and slowly over time it gets so put to the back burner due to the connections they’ve made that even their superiors had to intervene to remind them of who they are and what their purpose is. And in the end even that doesn’t work. Not only can they not lie to themselves after a point, but they can’t lie to Sonoshi either. And he makes it very clear what kind of mark that puts on them and their fates before eventually leaving them to their own devices again.

Sonoi, Sononi, Sonoza and Taro are all alike in the fact that they end up being unable to lie/hide things about themselves to themselves or others for one reason or another about core parts of who they are. And it’s this fact alone that either puts them in direct danger, or makes their attempts at navigating the world around them a lot harder than it might otherwise be if they could just lie and shove things under the rug.

I don’t personally read Sononi or Sonoza as queer themselves, but in the case of Taro and Sonoi specificallty, especially with how the overall narrative hints at things and all of the imagery and implication and even outright textual statements, I think it becomes very easy to see how this can all be viewed in a queer light. It at least rings true for me as someone who went through the struggle of being unable to hide myself and having to pay the price for it by running from my home and the dangers that staying there held for me.

Seeing as I haven’t finished the series yet I have no clue if this is something that the Noto trio will end up doing for themselves, but I wouldn’t be at all surprised if they had to do so, and that in itself would lend even more weight to the comparison I’m trying to make here. Either way, it’s been an emotional journey to watch all of these characters come to the place that they are now in the narrative and how they’ve grown and are trying to make their way in the world as they are, and it’s certainly not something I’ll be forgetting anytime soon.

[inkyweenus]

Post 8 edit: This has nothing to do with EP8, but I still stand by it.

I was kinda frustrated at first with how little actual plot information we've been getting each episode, but then I realized that if we got any semblance of a plan from Lu Guang, that would mean that Xiao Li would also probably get that information, and then he'd fuck up everything with sheer incompetence.

I mean... it's pretty much his fault that both of his partners are dead, and if it weren't for Qiao Ling reigning him in, he'd have done a lot more damage already. But she's reigning everyone in this season. Post 8 edit: I stand by this QL statement even more now. Although, because of the shitty subtitles, I'm not 100% sure if Wang Juan is actually dead yet.

Love that for Qiao Ling. But back to Xiao Li:

I have very little sympathy for him.

As a boss, he never gave his subordinate a day off. Not even to have a proper wedding. Or to care for his pregnant wife and unborn child. And after working Chen Bin several days in a row without even letting the man go home to sleep, XL was too caught up in getting some civilians to do his job that he didn't even notice CB leave the room during a time that he said himself everyone was to be on high alert. And we all know what happened after that.

And then after seeing his dead partner fall from the sky, XL was knocked out by random extras he knew would probably be afoot, rendering him incapable of doing anything while those civilians and some old people safely (?) apprehended the suspects.

(Okay, that one isn't fair. He was definitely in shock. But still.)

And then once he was conscious and back to work, he demanded the civilians continue to do his job for him, even though one was literally hooked into a hospital bed, because he's not even competent enough to look into cases that his former colleague-turned-evil and current antagonist was involved with during his downward spiral.

And then, he doesn't even wonder why some random unidentifiable witness only wants to talk to this civilian that shouldn't isn't publicly on the case but is essentially running it. XL just gives said civilian, who minutes before exited the scene of a double homicide while experiencing not only his own emotions but those of the child watching her mother (and almost brother) be beaten to death, a crash course on police interrogation and says, "Go get 'em, Tiger!"

And then, after losing his first trusted partner to a person who has proved capable of possessing anyone to do anything including kill themself and kill their friends, he established a whole buddy system to avoid people getting possessed and hurt but said his currently assigned partner was fine to go alone because he trusted her and she's "strong." Isn't that even more reason to not want her to potentially get possessed? It literally just happened to a cop you trusted, so it's not like the law makes them immune.

And then when his new partner, this civilian he can't stop traumatizing, and the person that has admitted on mic to be the one possessing people went missing after acting suspicious on camera AND MICROPHONE, he didn't even bother to call and notify the guard posted at the exit, who was also not part of this buddy system apparently. Like... Where did you think they were escaping from, the air vents?! This isn't a spy novel. And you left the one guy who's in charge of people coming in and out of the premise alone and totally out of the loop?? When one of the people involved is a former cop that people around here seem to kinda trust a bit?!

AND THEN he couldn't even catch the kid he put a tracker on, but this time he didn't even have to ask the civilians to do his job for him. They just heard that CaPtaIn XiAo was on the case and immediately jumped into action--evading police and hijacking vehicles to triangulate their partner's location by land and sea to prevent his capture

(at least for now... things can go south pretty quick and I'm just being dramatic while I wait for this episode to drop) Post 8 edit: Obviously things were going to get worse first. Would love some understandable subtitles to really know how much worse, though.

Or.

He's actually the bad guy and all of this was on purpose. I think I'd be okay with that.

[senjuushi]

Which gun boys would Kurea, Seimi and Kariko use/get along with?

This is the only ask I've gotten for the Oc stuff, so thank you, anon You are greatly appreciated. :`D

. . .

Kurea — The absolute best option is Marks. Kurea is absolutely delusional, and Marks would 100% fall for it. He'd be perfectly fine with carrying out any kind of violence on his Master's command, and he'd believe her "Hero of Justice" mission with no questions. Eins could also work; he's serious, capable, dutiful, and follows orders well... and his moral compass is also kind of off, to begin with.

Seimi — Murata and Arisaka would be the best matches for her! Though she's not exactly aggressive, Seimi wouldn't hesitate to use violence to protect the people she cares about. Her strong sense of morals and laid-back, practical attitude would go over well with Murata, and in return, she'd appreciate his strong will and personal pride. Seimi has also looked after someone similar to Arisaka, and she's a surprisingly good caretaker with "fragile" people.

Kariko — Benetta and Carcanore, for sure, and possibly Snider as well. Kariko is mean, cold, and brutally efficient, so guns who have been part of the literal mafia would suit her personality and methods pretty well. I wouldn't be at all surprised if Kariko's mom has dealt with the mafia, to begin with. She might already be used to it. Snider is also a good option because Kariko absolutely would treat him like nothing but a weapon to use for killing. Not ideal, but it works!

[jellyfishdiet]

I feel so much prettier every day that I put effort in. Literally, it's actually so easy to break out of a binge cycle and get back into honeymoon phase or fitness or whatever.

Start by trying not to eat over your met the first week or two, lower it by 100 per week until you're at your goal. Stetch as deeply and thoroughly as you can for 5-15 mins a day. Go for a long walk, fast or leisurely as comfortable, 30 min per day a few times a week. Until you feel like you're a bit more limber, a bit less out of breath.

It's easier to have a range (1000-1400) and I can't recommend high restriction enough. Lower risk of long term damaging health issues, easier to hide it, lower binge risk, etc.

Note, I am not saying you won't experience negative side effects. Or you won't binge. Or you will hide it successfully. Ultimately that's up to you.

Eating healthy food, allowing small indulgence, taking vitamins, drinking plenty of water, and taking care of your hygiene will definitely help with avoiding negative health problems. If your calories are mainly junk food, you don't invest in your personal hygiene, you don't take multivitamins, etc - you're more likely to experience acne, bad breath/teeth, joint and bone problems, malnutrition, hair loss, etc.

Not binge eating is down to your self control and discipline. Pushing yourself is fine, but you can't jump from massive binges daily to eating less than 500 calories per day. Find what works for you, keep track of and avoid your binge triggers. It's actually extremely easy to cultivate self control and discipline babe.

Slow and steady wins the race. Don't compare yourself to that person on your tl who somehow fasts 10+ days on the regular, or eats less than 500 calories and never binges. It's not a competition and they're probably experiencing major health issues or their metabolism is dead. It's better to lose slow and keep it off, than end up binging and gaining, or killing your metabolism and being stuck in a four month plateau.

And if you have regular health checkups, or weekly therapy, or nosy parents, or donate plasma or whatever- do not lose too fast. Heath care providers and overly involved parents/partners/etc will sniff out your disorder faster than a drug dog okay. Don't brag about losing weight or restricting better or not binge eating as much. Keep it to yourself.

Be quiet about your small victories, and open about milestones. It's okay to celebrate losing 5-10 lbs if you're already bigger or struggling with weight, but if you're already skinny you're inviting sabotage.

I learned that lesson the hard way, celebrating victories in recovery only made my mother get jealous and purposely trigger me back into hard relapse. Jokes on her, it's up to me whether I relapse the good way (into my ortho/harm reduction phase) or the shifty way (emotional eating, binges, etc). She can make me hate my body and make those voices so loud, she can't control how I choose to react to them.

The same goes for any of you with toxic people in your life, whether they trigger you on purpose or accident, whether they're toxic or just don't realize their being shitty. Try to set boundaries where you can. It's hard, but you are worth it, especially if you think they aren't trying to hurt you on purpose. You've got to look out for yourself.

And lastly, no one can control how you react but you. If you avoid your triggers, work to shift your mindset, practice binge prevent techniques and harm reduction - I promise you will lose weight a lot faster than if you binge the first 20-25 day of the month and restrict the last 5-10. You can actually choose to stop binge eating at any time. I say this as someone who struggled with bed for 5 years. It took very little effort to unlearn binge eating habits. It took a few retries to get in the swing of it, but ultimately it took 3 months to unlearn 5 years of binge habits.

So what are you waiting for? Don't be afraid of failure or mistakes. You are capable of so much my friend. Just take it day by day. In a few months, you won't even recognize that person you were.

[bekandrew]

Laptop Necromancy

I'm running my whole art portfolio through Glaze. If you don't know, it's a program build by a group of uni students that's won awards and is designed to basically prevent AI libraries from being able to meaningfully "learn" anything from your art. It can be found here for free. It wouldn't run on my actually functional laptop (it tried rendering for 2 days straight and then got to something like "Time remaining: -200 minutes" and still never spat out anything completed). So, while waiting for the seemingly endless rendering to stop and a reply for access to their Web option, I decided to try something a little off the wall.

I ended up taking my largely non-functional old laptop (8+ yr old Dell Latitude i7) I hadn't figured out how to safely dispose of yet and see if I could give it new life. It was a mid-tier "gaming" laptop when I purchased it, though I needed the specs for heavy graphics work for work as an artist and as I was, for a time, still in uni for engineering before switching majors. It currently won't run most of the programs I need for work - it abjectly refuses to open Krita no mater what I do, and throws a fit and crashes with even GIMP sometimes. I even have to be careful with internet browsers now with that one. Its hard drive is pretty toast, hence why I needed to suck it up and get a new laptop. Something is damaged in a way I couldn't make a proper clone of the drive and something's fucked with the BIOS is fucked in a way I couldn't even run a recovery usb and it has no disk drive. It makes frightening noises from frequently trying to run its HDD at 100%. The casing itself is held together with duct tape and spite. This laptop survived several moves and homelessness before finally being too finicky to put up with after wife and I were rehoused. It literally requires support at all times to not be torn further apart by the weight of its own screen. It also needs to be elevated in a way to give the fans a little help. It's a technological senior citizen. Despite the hard drive being largely toast, the OS still works pretty fine. The RAM isn't high as I'd like, but it's not bad, either. It's main draw for this very specific purpose is the dual GPUs. There's a version of Glaze that you can force to run off a GPU instead of the CPU and make it go MUCH, MUCH (from my experience, literally 5-10 times or more faster).

I had a Solid State Drive lying around from when I'd attempted to keep the old laptop alive longer, so I stuck it in my external dock, installed Glaze on it, and filled it up with a folder of art to be Glazed. It then proceeded to take about a day and a half of fussing with graphics drivers - including uninstalling the one the uni students recommended and going back to my old one because the one they recommended was technically compatible but was borking things for some reason, and manually changing settings to force the computer to use the correct beefier GPU for the program. I also had to uninstall a ton of shit that was slowing my computer down and sometimes making it lock up entirely - things I used to need when I used that laptop for normal purposes but no longer needed there (things like Steam, Discord, Grammarly, etc).

So long as I don't run much of anything off of the internal HDD outside a couple Windows Explorer windows for viewing files and Task Manager to keep an eye on hardware status, it mostly stays nice and quiet now other than a few spikes here and there with low % usage. Glaze runs smoothly off the external SSD, the CPU and RAM usage remain pretty stable and manageable during rendering, with the GPU usage only at a little over half the computer's total capability. Despite being bested by much simpler daily usage, this old shell of a laptop now renders a resource-intensive program over in a corner and I can just check it every couple hours to see how it's doing.

[mellifloraa]

Thoughts on Celeste

So I just beat Celeste.

It was goddamn beautiful. Oh my god. Playing this game over the last few days has been an experience I don't think I'll forget for a long long time, and one that I'm so glad I pushed myself to finally have. The level designs were unique and (mostly) fun, the controls were tight and responsive, the soundtrack was godly, and the visuals were so well done despite maintaining the blocky pixelated feel.

That was unquestionably the most challenging game I've ever played. I didn't try and collect every strawberry, and I didn't try and collect every B-Side, so I'm definitely not 100%'ing the game anytime soon, but... holy shit. I don't think I want to say it was unfairly difficult, though, because I think it wasn't. I solved a lot of the stages through trial and error, as well as simply taking a step back and assessing each room as its own little beast. Moving forward like this created a real sense of satisfaction when you did beat one of the rooms, despite the growing sense of frustration brewing within. I can't tell you how many times I had to remember that feather (great concept that I will be using moving forward btw) and just... step back and take a deep breath to realign myself and try and look at each level from a different angle. The level design was challenging, and the fine motor controls definitely took a while to perfect, but it wasn't unfair. Games like Getting Over It or Dark Souls are brutally difficult, but I think the key distinction is that sometimes those games feel so difficult to the point of unfairness. Celeste wasn't like that. I tried my absolute best to learn from each death, figuring out exactly what happened and where it went wrong and what I could do to prevent it in the future. On top of that, I absolutely adored how positive the game was in spite of the challenge. The characters were nice to you about your struggle, supported you if you were having a hard time, and reminded you that you are capable of climbing this mountain and finishing the quest. The game even tells you just as you start: "You can do this," knowing that you might know little about the game itself, but you probably know it's challenging as shit. The devs took the time to remind you that, yes, it will be difficult, but you can do it. You can make it through this, as long as you stick with it and take it slow. I love that. I absolutely love that.

In the end, I suppose, the gameplay was challenging, but the sense of reward afterwards and the intrinsic fairness of each room prevented the puzzles from ever seeming unsolvable and prevented me from burning out. Each one just took a little exploration and creative thinking, and in the end, a game can only benefit from that.

Fuck the wind levels in Chapter 4, though. Holy fucking shit.

I knew going into this game that it dealt heavily with the topic of mental health and depression, as well as intrusive thoughts and self-criticism, so that wasn't a surprise to me. Seeing them portrayed the way they were, however, definitely was. There were a few moments where Badeline really genuinely unsettled me, because I could tell exactly where her thoughts were coming from and the illogical reasoning behind them. I've fallen into many of those same fallacy pits and suffered from disordered and illogical thinking for years. That's why, when we finally began to confront these thoughts and instead work together on facing them at the end of Chapter 6, it really impacted me. I spoke a little about it in my other posts, but a lot of the lessons from the game were things that I had to learn myself back in 2019 and 2020, with the help of someone who's no longer in my life. Emotional regulation and self-acceptance is one of the hardest things to do for someone suffering from depression and anxiety, but it's so necessary to work on moving forward and healing regardless of how your illness manifests. Though we may not all be haunted by the literal manifestation of these thoughts like Madeline was, learning to accept all parts of yourself, even the icky ones, can lead to you becoming a more centered and logical person, able to fight back with the coping mechanisms that work best for you, and able to set boundaries for yourself regardless of what other people might expect from you. That's something I myself am still struggling with, but I'm lightyears ahead of where I was three years ago. It's not easy, but it's rewarding. Just like the entire game itself.

I fucking loved this game. I will most certainly be replaying it at some point(s). Holy shit.

Everyone, if you haven't, please play Celeste. It's a wonderful little game that is absolutely worth every bit of effort you put into it.

Now to speedrun it.