#i was gonna sleep early but i got stuck dealing with family stuff so this was my destress doodle. thank you twitch 😌

[capn-twitchery]

very dramatic sketch that has kept me up much later than planned

do you ever forget twitch is a super dangerous pirate. because i sure do

[brain-deadx0]

First Night

Part of New Big Brother

Summary: Remy and Patton have a short talk before bed.

Note: This is directly following part one of New Big Brother. I couldn’t find a way to fit it in so you get it now.

After watching both Ratatouille and Finding Nemo as well as making it halfway through Robin Hood, Virgil had passed out next to Remy. And by next to he meant leaning against. By the time the movie finished Remy’s arm was just as asleep.

“I’m gonna put him to bed.” Dad character whispered as the credits rolled, “Did you wanna watch another movie?”

“No, I’m good.” Remy told him as Virgil was gently peeled away. The kid nuzzled closer to dad character as the man rubbed his back.

“Ok.” The man smiled, “I know it’s starting to get late but did you wanna go over rules and stuff before bed or would you rather wait?”

“Now’s fine.”

“Ok, I’ll be down in a bit.” Dad character smiled softly before heading for the stairs and presumably the kids bedroom.

In truth, Remy would’ve put off the rules talk indefinitely, but at the end of the day it was better to get them out of the way first. He just hoped they were at least reasonable. He’d be fine with the babysitting part, Virgil didn’t seem to be a bad kid at least, chores he could deal with, he could do basic cooking if he really had to. The man seemed like a decent guy so far, so he didn’t think he’d have to worry too much about many food rules. He would probably end up with a curfew but hopefully it wasn’t too early. Whatever.

After a few minutes he heard Dad character coming back down the stairs and consciously relaxed his face into boredom. Or tired. It had been a long day.

“Hi.” Dad character smiled as he sat back down, “So… uh, is there anything you wanna know right off the bat or..?”

Remy shrugged.

“Ok, then,” The man said as he started fidgeting with his hands, “um… Well I guess we could start with Virgil. I’m not gonna make you take care of him, or even spend time with him if you really don’t want to, but I’d like you to at least be… civil I guess? He’s normally really shy.”

Remy wasn’t so sure how long the first part of that would last but so far the rule was “don’t be mean to the little kid” which was pretty easy. Remy nodded and the man took that as a sign to continue.

“Ok, uh… what time do you usually go to bed?” He asked.

“I can go whenever.” Remy told him.

“Well I suppose but…” dad character rubbed the back of his neck. Remy really must be his first teenager based on the guy’s attempt at giving rules. “How about be home before an hour after dark and bed by 11:30 or so? When school starts I’d rather you be in bed a bit sooner, at least on school nights, but so long as you can get up in time to catch the bus?”

That was actually... better than Remy thought it would’ve been. He nodded and dad character seemed to relax a bit. Remy was not expecting the man to be the nervous one in this situation.

“Virgil does some chores, mostly just setting the table, helping me put the dishes in the dishwasher, simple stuff like that and I give him two dollars a week. You don’t have to, but if you want we could talk about chores you might feel like doing and your allowance?”

“Allowance?” Oh shit he said that out loud didn’t he?

“Of course.” Dad character told him easily, “Your room is your space, you don’t have to keep it spotless, but I’d like it to stay clean enough to see some of the floor. So if nothing else you’d get some money for that.” He sent Remy another small smile.

“Uh, ok?”

“I’m trying to think of something else… Sorry my brain doesn’t work when tired.” Dad guy told him, “Uh, is there anything you want to know? Or anything you wanna talk about?”

“Um… food?” Remy tried.

“Oh are you still hungry?” He asked, “You’re welcome to any food you can find.” He told him, “You can do your own thing for breakfast and lunch if you want. I usually make Virgil both and I’d be more than happy to make larger potions if you want that too. Dinner is at about six every night and we always eat that together. Do you have any allergies?”

“No, not really?”

“That’s good.” Dad character smiled.

They sat in awkward silence for a minute before the man spoke again, “Well,” He said as he stood up, “I think I’m gonna head to bed. You can stay up if you want.” He told him, “Did you want anymore of this?” He gestured to the candy and leftover pizza on the coffee table.

“No, thank you.”

“Ok then.” Dad character said before moving to clean up. He put the few leftover slices of pineapple pizza in the much less empty pepperoni box and stacked the bags if candy on top before heading for the kitchen.

Remy followed suit and grabbed the empty plates, cups, and pizza box before going to the kitchen as well.

“Oh, thank you.” Dad character smiled when he noticed him, “You didn’t have to, I would’ve gotten them.”

“It’s fine.” Remy told him, “What should I…?”

“Oh just put the dishes in the sink, I’ll wash them in the morning, and the box on the counter.” The man told him as he finished putting the candy back on the top shelf.

After Remy had done so, Dad character bid him goodnight and went upstairs, leaving Remy alone.

Remy waited a few minutes to make sure the man had gone to bed. He wasn’t really tired yet, he doubted he’d get much sleep anyway, so he decided to scope out the ground floor. Virgil was a good kid, but a focused guide he was not. Especially when dad character mentioned candy.

Unsurprisingly the ground floor was pretty standard. Guest bathroom, coat closet, living room, kitchen, etcetera, etcetera. Couple of potted plants and candles here and there. Some glass cat knick knacks on some of the higher shelves. And family photos covering the wall.

Remy hadn’t paid much attention to them at first. But now it was quiet, no one was around to watch his every move. Most of the pictures were of Virgil, some of a pair of kids and another man, probably a relative of some sort. An older couple, more relatives. Dad character was in a few as well, but it was mostly Virgil.

The kid had been there for at least a couple of years judging by the pictures.

As he thought that his eyes caught on a picture of dad character. He was sitting in a chair with a “guest” sticker with some writing he could guess stuck to his shirt. Despite the traces of tears visible in the picture, he was smiling happily down at a baby. A new baby.

Oh.

Oh shit.

Dad character was Virgil’s dad dad.

“Remy?”

“Fuck!” Remy breathed as he spun around.

“Why’re you wake..?” Virgil asked sleepily.

This kid was gonna give him a heart attack by the end of the week if he kept appearing out of nowhere.

“I could ask you the same thing.” Remy told him, “You should be in bed.”

Virgil nodded tiredly but otherwise ignored that statement, “Wha’re you doin’?”

“Couldn’t sleep. Looking at stuff.”

Virgil walked over and looked at the pictures as if they were some museum art. Staring without much real interest. He pointed at the picture of the man and himself, “That one’s from when the messenger falcon gave me to dad.”

“... Messenger falcon? ...You mean the stork?”

The kid looked at him in confusion, “Why would a stork have a baby?”

Why was this a conversation Remy was having with an exhaused child late at night?

“Well… you got me there.” He admitted, “Anyway, we should both probably be in bed.” He told the kid.

Virgil nodded but made no effort to leave.

Remy shook his head, “Come on kid, back to bed.” He told him before making his way over towards the stairs. Thankfully the kid followed and the two quietly made their way back upstairs.

Virgil went back to bed easily, he was definitely tired and Remy wasn’t sure if he’d even remember coming downstairs by the time he woke up. Kid back in bed, Remy went across the hall to the room he would be sleeping in and did the same.

~~~note~~~

I love giving my characters the wrong conclusions.

[kravkalackin]

i went back to that one au where kravitz gets stucks raising blupjeans baby angus cause i was posting it to my tumblr drabble collection on AO3 and oops  there’s more now

----

“Oh thank fuck, you’re still here,” a familiar voice said, and Kravitz actually jolted, whipping around. Of course that only made the infant cry louder, and Kravitz was not thrilled that the lich had managed to sneak up on him. 

“What are you doing here?” he snapped instinctively, and the lich didn’t have much of a face. It was still somehow easy to see it judging him as it rushed over, grabbing Angus from him before Kravitz could react in his flustered state. 

“Bringing you his stuff! And you could say thank you by the way,” the lich huffed, and with a quick flick of his hand a pocket dimension opened up, several bags levitating out. Most of them went to the floor, but one stayed hovering next to him, the lich immediately reaching in and grabbing a bottle. 

“Sorry for the late lunch little buddy, we’ll get unkie Krav on your schedule real soon,” the lich said, and Kravitz couldn’t help making a face at that. 

“I already told you not to call me that,” he said, and he had been around for a long, long time. The sight of a lich carefully and lovingly bottle feeding an infant was definitely one of the most surreal things he’d ever experienced. 

“I’m still not hearing a thank you,” the lich said, and Kravitz crossed his arms in a huff. The lich sighed, and Angus did seem to be in a considerably better mood now that he was eating. “Listen, I totally get you not trusting me, alright? But you’re gonna have to forgive me for being a little nervous about leaving my son with a total stranger and wanting to make sure he still has his favorite blanket and is eating on time,” he added, and Kravitz very reluctantly nodded. 

“I… imagine this must be very hard as a parent,” he said, and the lich nodded. The child seemed to be finishing up his bottle at this point, and the lich didn’t seem to even have to focus as he hovered the child at about shoulder height, starting to burp him. 

“I’m not an evil guy, I’m just trying to protect my family,” he said, giving what Kravitz could only describe as a forlorn look at his son before floating him back over to Kravitz. He was a little shocked that he was still going along with this so willingly, that he was so stable, despite the obvious distress he was in. 

“People have done a lot of evil in the name of protecting those they love,” Kravitz said, taking the much calmer child. He honestly looked a little sleepy. Maybe he would get lucky and he would take a nap when the lich left, and Kravitz could have a moment to actually fucking process everything that was going on. 

“You’re not wrong about that,” the lich said, a sad tone to his voice. “I know I’m more guilty of that than most people, so I’m not asking you to trust me. I just need you to work with me here,” he said, and Kravitz slowly nodded. 

“You already know the deal, I will not go back on that,” he said, the lich visibly relaxing. 

And then he seemed to perk up, starting to levitate some of the bags, pulling out items and speaking at a rapid pace that Kravitz found it very hard to keep track of. 

“Okay so in that case there’s just a few things I thought you should probably know before I head out for a bit. Obviously he usually eats lunch around this time. Dinner is typically sometime between 4:30 and five, and breakfast is bright and early at six, sixth thirty-ish. He’ll snack in between, but he’s probably not gonna be on solid foods for a bit. Naps after lunch most days, he’s almost sleeping through the night now, but usually wants a snack at about two or three am. Luckily, you’re not alive, so I don’t know if you really sleep, so that shouldn’t be an issue,” he started. 

“No, uh, that should be fine,” he said, and the lich nodded like he figured as much. 

“Cool, so this is his favorite blanket, don’t lose it okay? His mom got it for him and I wouldn’t- I sure as fuck wouldn’t be giving it to you if Angus didn’t like it so much. Let’s see, what else, what else. He likes books, can’t read yet but he likes turning the pages, got him some of the big cardboard ones so there’s no risk of papercuts. I think he’s gonna need glasses, but it’s a little too young to tell, so just keep an eye out for that. He’s not picky on the mush food, but he won’t eat peaches. We’ve been avoiding peanuts because his uncle and mom are both allergic so we didn’t want to risk it-” 

“Okay, okay, okay!” Kravitz cut in, quickly getting overwhelmed. It had been a long while since he left felt overwhelmed. “It will be fine. I promise, I will not let anything harm your child while he’s in my care,” he tried to assure the lich, who slowly seemed to relax some, before nodding. 

[robotslenderman]

Perry and Elisa headcanons:

Elisa thinks it's weird that a Nosferatu Thinblood has a Hecata-like bite, but it's Dove who, due to her experiences with Modian, immediately realises that Perry is a full blooded Samedi. When Dove raised the possibility that Perry might be Cappadocian to Elisa, she was worried they'd have to protect him from the Hecata (and that Dove would refuse to extend that protection because of the treaty), but Dove said "nah, he's Samedi, he's Hecata. He probably has that bane as the equivalent of a genetic throwback - sometimes that happens." (Dove would know.) Much relief ensues and Elisa helps Perry learn about the Samedi and Hecata, and even gets him in touch with a couple over time.

Elisa is pretty casual about the smell. She mentions it and she doesn't pretend it's not there either. "I'd hug you, Perry, but it's three AM and you smell like shit so I'll hug you first thing tonight." Perry is a bit defensive/standoffish at first but comes to appreciate it over outright hostility and/or when people "politely" pretend it's not there while obviously not wanting to deal with it.

For example, when Elisa gives him a room in her haven she'll be upfront about the fact she's using sheet/pillow protectors to stop him leaking on stuff, a room with no carpet so the smell doesn't get stuck in it, an ensuite so he can clean himself off easily... but unlike most, you know, she's actually offering a bed instead of pretending she doesn't have a place for him to stay, and she's also pretty "yeah you smell like shit in the morning but I'm just gonna have to deal with that." He's not sure what to think about this attitude in the beginning.

Elisa also teaches him to weaponise the smell. "You just met someone? Be considerate. Insist on meeting your contacts outdoors early on in the night, and standing downwind from them. They get difficult? That's when you start visiting them in their office an hour before dawn and sitting in their chairs and leaking on their upholstery. They'll soon get the idea that you're someone they want the goodwill of - and that's invaluable. Most fledglings have to work really, really hard to have that kind of power over somebody and all YOU have to do is change what time you're meeting someone. Use that."

The above point pretty much drove home to him that yeah she hates the smell, but not HIM, and she's willing to work with it. He develops a crush on her after that.

He does make a move when he's more confident, a few years later. She turns him down and at first he's pretty self loathing over it but they have an open discussion about the smell and she's like, "look, if I had feelings for you I'd just work with that - sexy stuff first thing after dusk when you're at your best. But I'm not going to pretend I'm interested when I'm not out of pity because we both deserve better. I'm sorry I hurt you but I can't say yes to this, not when I wouldn't mean it."

He got over it rather quickly, to his own surprise.

He has his own car. He calls it the Corpsemobile. When he gets the opportunity he loves to give people ultimatums - "either I ride with you and stink up your car, or you can ride in mine. And mine smells worse than the state I'd leave your car in."

Elisa helps set him up with a good ghoul - someone who runs a small mortuary. Puts a small mattress in one of the shelves, actually makes a nice comfortable haven out of it. It being a mortuary means the smell isn't suspicious, and he just pretends to the staff that he has a medical condition and its way less hassle to sleep in one of their drawers.

Getting the corpse stink out of his clothes is almost impossible so he's ALWAYS going through fresh clothes. Elisa helps set him up with another ghoul that can give him a steady supply of shirts, underwear and pants.

He hates getting pulled over because the second a cop gets a whiff of the interior of his car they think he's got a body in the trunk. Elisa uses her connection with Dove to get him a third ghoul in the police force, but when he's not in Tucson he's SOOL there.

He has discovered that maggots actually keep the smell down, as they eat away at the rot, so when he starts rotting a few hours after dusk, he applies maggots to the areas he sees are starting to deteriorate and wraps them in bandages. The smell doesn't go away completely but it does make a difference.

When he's outside of Tucson and a cop insists on searching his car, he peels away a bandage and says "actually, that smell is me." He also has a bunch of fake medical paperwork so that they don't insist on taking him to the hospital - he says he's on antibiotics and the maggots prevent the gangrene from killing him, and because of that he doesn't have to stay in hospital.

He knows a lot of facts about maggot therapy to make it convincing. In reality I'm pretty sure that gangrene is not something that you can be an outpatient for but most cops aren't going to know that if he can be convincing enough.

Once, he was travelling with Harley in the front passenger seat when they got pulled over in the early hours. He played dead as Harley desperately tried to get him to wake up to prove to the increasingly freaked out cop that he was alive and just had a "medical condition". After calling for backup and getting Harley on the floor, when the cop opened the side door Perry went "BOO!"

The cop shot him.

They had to kill the cop and bury the body to preserve the Masquerade before backup got there, because while they can cover up Perry's clan bane with "it's a medical condition", it's a lot harder to cover up a bullet through the chest.

Perry thought it was hilarious. Harley, who's a lot more squeamish about killing innocent humans and destroying the lives of their families and loved ones for the lulz, didn't think it was funny at all.

(Elisa backs up Harley but privately also thinks it's hilarious, except for the bit where they had to kill the cop. "It's one thing to kill to protect ourselves, it's one thing to kill because we're hunters eating our prey, but it's completely another to set up a human to die for your own amusement. Don't do that again."

"I didn't kill her for the lols, I just didn't think she'd -"

"SHE WAS A COP OF COURSE SHE WAS GOING TO FUCKING SHOOT YOU, YOU DUMBASS.")

Yeah, that prank did damage his relationship with Harley for a while.

BUT sadistic prank notwithstanding, he actually has a pretty good relationship with Harley. Harley wasn't sure about the stinky Samedi at first, but was too much the southern gentleman to be anything but polite about it. He quickly got used to it and saw Perry for the lost kid he was. Because Harley was in his forties when he was Embraced, he was pretty calm and difficult to faze, so he was able to rub off on Perry and help calm him down over time.

Perry and Harley were both furious at Lettow when Lettow came back to Tucson. The way Harlow saw it, putting Elisa through her First Season was completely unnecessary and Lettow could have properly vetted her, and also a huge risk to the Masquerade. The way Perry saw it, if someone of a different clan can put her own life on the line (due to the Accounting) to take in a complete stranger who'd been a Masquerade issue for nothing in return, the least Lettow could have done was look after his own fucking childe.

They were even less impressed when Elisa got sexually involved with him and then romantically, because they saw it as Elisa wanting the security of having a sire and Lettow exploiting that. Elisa, meanwhile, didn't appreciate being infantilised. She defended Lettow because "he kept an eye on me from a distance", and he left caches for her to discover and arranged for her to have jobs when the courier jobs started drying up. Harley and Perry were like "gee, how generous of him."

Perry was like "if I knew her standards were that fucking low I'd have asked her if she'd changed her mind about not going out with me"

Lettow was on thin fucking ice with the two of them for a while, and it took time for them to realise his feelings for her were sincere and that he wasn't going to abandon her again. In the meantime he rarely took their bait and let their attacks and accusations roll off his back - as an elder he rarely took things personally, understood it was between Elisa and her childer, and wanted to respect that she wanted to maintain some peace. Part of it was also due to guilt and self loathing. But he was also glad she had two very protective childer to watch her back, since he knew that safety and support was very important to her.

Harley and Perry also threatened to Fight Him, which caused Elisa to double facepalm bc one, Men, and two, elder with super strength and fortitude. Lettow just thought it was funny but also took the opportunity to bait them on being young and rash. He didn't resist ALL the time.

Lettow and Perry would never be close, but they came to respect the place the other had in Elisa's life, and even came to rely on each other every now and then.

[dazed--xx]

Beside you

Request: Hello could I have an arranged marriage with Jungkook with a bit of angst but fluff at the end. Thank you xx

Summary: "You may kiss the bride" The hesitation evident on his face. My heart is racing and reality sets in “um…Jungkook?” He rolls his eyes and places a light kiss on my lips. His lips brush against my ear as he whispers “Just know this will be the last time you ever get to kiss me." 

Genre: ANGST, light fluff, smut

TW: None

Word Count: 5,092

A/N: SO i know you specifically asked for fluff at the end but i dont think this is the end of this i might make a part 2 if part 1 gets enough traction any way. I hope you enjoy the few bits i did do from what you asked REQUESTS ARE OPEN 

edit: REWRITE UPLOADED 10/13/2021

———————————————————————————————————–

““You may kiss the bride” The hesitation evident on his face. My heart is racing and reality sets in “um…Jungkook?” He rolls his eyes and places a light kiss on my lips. His lips brush against my ear as he whispers “Just know this will be the last time you ever get to kiss me.” Tears begin stinging my eyes, as we walk down the aisle as an officially married couple, hand and hand, much to Jungkook’s dismay. We rush through the double doors of the church and disappear in the car placed in the front if the building of worship.   

Once we got in the car Jungkook retracted his hand and the empty feeling takes over again. Jungkook doesn’t love me this is just a business inconvenience to him. IM just some stupid business deal, something for Jungkook to correct as he does with all his other projects, only difference is I’m not some company he can break apart and sell. I’m a person as much as he refuses to accept it. Since our fathers have agreed the only way Jungkook would be able to acquire and run my father’s company is if I become is wife as some type of fail-safe of preventing Jungkook from selling off the company and running away like he’s done so often after his business dealings. 

At the reception Jungkook disappeared as soon as we walked through the door. To the bar as expected of him to drink as I’m in need of liquid courage to make it through the rest of the night. Slowly I make my way around the room greeting Jungkook’s family, as he sits with the vixen of a bartender, a sensual smile plastered on his face with a rum and coke in his hand. “Y/N you have to tell me… are you and my Jungkookie going to give me grandchildren.” His mother asks smile on her face, excitement evident. I feel the words get caught in my throat, GRANDCHILDREN? WITH HOW HE TREATS ME…...? HELL, NO THAT MAN IS NOT TOUCHING ME. As if on cue my eyes shift to look for Jungkook at the bar but he and the bartender are no longer there. Of fucking course, he took HER somewhere to fuck at OUR wedding.  Almost immediately after your disappointment of a wedding, you’re shipped off on your honeymoon. You spend most days in Mykonos, alone Jungkook wanting to explore Greece with beautiful Greek women.  

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The last night of your honeymoon Jungkook crashes in your shared room drunk off his ass, a loud laugh escaping his lips as he shushes the mirror next to the entrance. “Fuck be quiet Jungkook don’t wake up Y/N remember” He scolds himself. You can hear the childish groan that releases from his lip “No I wanna wake up Y/N.” Your eyebrows furrow, at his drunken figure. Did he not see you on the couch? “Jungkook?” you asked confused. His head whipping around quickly; a huge smile plastered on his face “Y/N!! I got you wine and a couple of more things” He exclaims staggering across the room “I-I shouldn’t be the only one having fun on our honeymoon right” taking a seat right next to you on the couch as he drops a brown bag in your lap. “O-oh um” “Please.... I wanna have fun with you, it’s so boring to keep talking to people I don’t understand and don’t understand me.” You sit there in shock just staring at his openly chatty self “Please take some shots get drunk with me you never let loose” He begs as he reaches in the bag on your lap pulling out some nips.  

After a while you and Jungkook find your drunken selves on the beach, Jungkook laughing as you struggle to walk with the sand beneath your feet. Music rang in the air from one of the clubs near your villa, “Dance with me Y/N” Jungkook exclaims as he grabs your hand pulling you into his frame. His hands finding their way to your waist, guiding them against his hips. A soft groan releases from his lips as your drunken form begins dancing to the music. Turning yourself around pressing your ass against his now hard member.  

Both of you completely oblivious to the sensual way your bodies move against each other. Jungkook's hands firmly placed on your waist, His head resting on your shoulder as your hand reaches behind you. You find your fingers interlocking with his hair. His right hand wrapping around your chin as he angles your head so you are facing him. “I’m having a lot of fun Y/N” lips centimeters apart, the scent of whiskey, and vodka radiating off of him. ‘Brown and clear...You’re gonna have one hell of a day tomorrow Kookie’, you thought. His eyes drift to your lips as he brushes his thumb over your bottom lip. Your lips part slightly, his bottom lip finding its way in between his teeth as he leans in.  

‘He’s drunk Y/N you can’t take advantage of that he would be ignoring you right now if he wasn’t,’ you tell yourself trying to find the strength to reject his advances despite everything inside of you screaming to let him kiss you. 

You pull away quickly “I-I should get to bed I'm really tired” you state shyly as you rush back toward your villa. Jungkook’s trailing behind you, Once you reach your villa he finally speaks “thank you” you turn to look at him confused “F-for what?” 

He smiles “Hanging out with me, I don’t know being my friend even though I don’t really deserve it” You look at him sadly “You’ve been going through a lot being forced to marry someone you don’t love or can't even stand” He furrows his brows as he shakes his head “I can stand you Y/N, What I can’t stand is the fact that my father cares so little about me that he basically sold me off to your family. You had nothing to do with that you were a pawn in this just as much as I was” You nod slightly “I want us to try to be friends again, Jungkook” He rubs the back of his head looking at the ground “We haven’t been friends this entire time” 

“No idiot I meant like when we were in high school, except for the revenge porn stuff” You state matter of factly. You can see the way Jungkook shifts on his feet, anxious at the memory. “Oh- yeah of course you were my best friend and I really hated losing you like that honestly I was going-” You smile at him softly “Well we should get to bed, you’re really drunk and the past is the past we should leave it there no point in bringing up old possibly painful memories for both of us” You turn yourself around and make your way over to the bedroom in your shared villa. Since, you both have gotten to Greece you have been the one to sleep in the grandiose bed. You can hear Jungkook tossing and turning on the couch, since for the first time in 2 weeks Hes actually sleeping in your shared villa. You make your way out of bed and approach him “You should take the bed Kookie, you'll be really uncomfortable if you don’t and being hungover in an uncomfortable place isn't fun.”  

“N-no” He slurs, “T-the bed I-is for you it’s the least I can do since I’ve been a dick” You shake your head rapidly, yes you were a little tipsy but Jungkook was FADED; You still can’t help the way your heart races at his politeness. “I’ve slept in it every day so far, I don’t mind the couch tonight” Jungkook crosses his arms and pouts “S-so you don’t want to sleep next to me” you stare at him confused “I-I haven’t the whole trip Kook-ah" “I know” the pout on his face staying there “I wanted you to though, I hated waking up in some random room or house with a woman whose name I can’t pronounce” He whispered “Why did you then?”  

He groans as he stands up, grabbing your hand in the process and dragging both of your figures to the room. Jungkook continued to mumble under his breath. You can only catch the last bit of what he’s saying “I want to sleep next to you” you are about to say something when he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you in to the large bed. “I want to hold you” He drunkly confesses “We used to cuddle all the time before; now you don’t even look at me and I hate it.” Youre stuck in a trance as he rubs circles on your waist. “I miss you Y/N I was so happy when my –hiccup- dad told me I was marrying you.” “You treated me like trash the whole time” you mutter. “I didn’t want to fall in love with you again, you only get hurt when I do” he whispers. “Jungkoo-” Your statement is cut off by his light snores and shallow breaths; He’s sleeping.  

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After your honeymoon you and Jungkook’s relationship has improved. He helped you move your things into the home his parents bought for us. Honestly none of us could even believe Jungkook actually came to the wedding let alone stayed in the house were supposed to share. 

 I’ve taken over the second bedroom to gain some solace from the hurricane that is his temper. There were days I would be greeted with Jungkook’s beautiful smile and the calmness would contain me. Others I’d walk out of my room and have a foreign object thrown in my direction. Jungkook and I would hang out on those days and talk until the sunset. Every morning I would have a cup of Jungkook’s favorite tea ready and set for him to begin his day properly.   

One morning I woke up extremely early, honestly at an ungodly hour. Tonight, was a particularly bad night, after our drunken adventure in Greece, Jungkook's drunken form rarely sought me out. Tonight, I figured would be no different. Until Jungkook came in the house and began taking his anger at our situation out on me. “YOU! YOU FUCKING DID THIS TO ME. YOURE THE REASON I CAN’T LIVE MY DAMN LIFE FUCK Y/N WHY CAN’T YOU MAKE THIS EASIER FOR ME AND DISAPPEAR” He shouted at you, deciding it was best to just ignore him and go to your bedroom. I can hear as he slams his bedroom door behind him.  

 After many attempts to fall asleep fail, I decide to go for a walk. As I run out the door, the world outside takes me over. I didn’t even realize how long it actually has been since I’ve left the house alone. The autumn wind rushing through the air as you make your way down the street. I find my mind drifting back to the days before your family informed you of the dowery. Jungkook hates you for being his wife but loves you for being his friend. I don’t understand anymore. My feet just move as I drift deeper into thought.  

The emotions I’ve been holding in begin to flow out as the tears burn my eyes. Finally feeling the pressure and change from this marriage. Losing track of time as I sit on a bench looking out to the Han River. The water is peaceful. The sounds of the city embrace me as I stare into the sunset. I don’t notice the hours pass until I begin to see traffic in the park pickup. I stand from my place on the bench and walk toward the bridge. Staring over the edge you contemplate jumping. Making everything easier on everyone. You feel utterly lost as the tears rush down your face. Shaking your head rapidly “no” you tell yourself as you make your way back, back to Jungkook, back to the life I no longer feel like leading.   

As the house came into view, and I saw 2 unfamiliar cars in the driveway. “Jungkook-ah I’m back is anyone he-” I shout as I walk into the house only to be cut off by the impact of Jungkook’s body colliding with mine. His breathing is heavy and a sigh of relief escapes him. His hands rushing to either side of my head as he looked me up and down. His chest heaving up and down rapidly. His eyes full of tears that were threatening fall. 

 “Fuck I thought something happened to you” he says examining my face. “Where were you? I woke up and tried to see if you wanted to go get breakfast and you weren’t answering the door, so I opened it and you weren’t there your bed is made where’d you sleep? I called your dad, man. I called MY dad” He doesn’t remember what he said to you last night. I smile at him apologetically as I notice the 2 men on the couch and I give them a polite bow. “I’m sorry Kook-ah I woke up really early and chose to go for a walk. I lost track of time and only made it home just now I’m okay; both of you did not need to take time out of your day to come here” you gesture toward your fathers. You can see Jungkook's father is completely stoic and uncaring, you avoid your fathers gaze as his figure trembled on the couch. 

“Y/N” Your father states just barely above a whisper as he looks you up and down “Dad I'm fine” You look at him, understanding his pointed worried gaze. “Y/N the last time you couldn’t sleep and went out for a walk I found you bleeding from your wrists in our neighbors pool” You can feel Jungkook's worried gaze on you. The awkwardness from the conversation growing around the room.  

“did that happen this time? and you have no right bringing that up it is a completely different situation” Your words do nothing to soothe him as you shove past Jungkook and lift your sleeves in his face “I’m fucking fine” You rush over to your front door slamming it open “Please excuse yourself, I'm tired and would like to go to bed after explaining to the husband YOU forced me to marry why I tried to kill myself, I apologize Mr. Jeon you did not have to take time out of your busy day to come here” Jungkook scoffs and mummers something under his breath. I walked the men out of the door, ignoring Jungkook’s hard stare at the back of my head as I said my goodbyes and apologized again.  

“Y/N” he whispered, you stood frozen in place at the front door. “What happened? Why’d your dad-” “It’s not particularly your business or your problem honestly Jungkook you’ve made it quite clear how you feel about me last night.” You cut him off curtly, finally making your way toward your bedroom “Y/N I was drunk last night I didn’t-” “WHAT ABOUT ALL THE OTHER NIGHTS” I shout “Look Jungkook, with the exception of our ‘honeymoon’ you don’t even want me around you drunk. You can’t stand to look at me and the ring on my finger knowing you got sucked into something you never wanted to do” Jungkook stood in his spot, trembling, “Y-Y/N it’s not like that-” “I don’t care anymore, honestly” You state curtly.  

“I'm your friend Y/N, do you not understand how fucking worried I was when I realized you weren’t here and I had no clue where you would go” I scoff at his statement “Maybe if you actually put effort into this ‘friendship’ You would have known” A pout forms on his already saddened face. “You’re right I should be a better friend to you and I will be” He promises.  

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Since that day, a few months back; Jungkook requests for me to let him know that I will be leaving so he does not start another panic; We’ve also dedicated Fridays as our friend date night, which usually just consists of us hanging out at our shared house watching movies and playing video games. As I exit the shower, Jungkook stops me as I walk toward my room “Hey, do you want to go out with me tonight?” Jungkook asks shyly. My heart sored at the question; I know he wasn’t asking in any romantic way. I just couldn’t help but get excited at the thought of leaving the house. I hadn't left much since moving in typically spending my days home or working, no time to really explore and go out “Yes! I mean yeah sure that sounds fun” I exclaim. After I have my hair out, in a wet curly look and throw on the most beautiful form fitting dress that I own and make my way to the door. Jungkook is standing there waiting on his phone. His eyes slowly scan up me and he swallows harshly as his eyes grow wide. “Uhm… Let’s…”  I smile at him and grab his hand and pull him out of the house interrupting him “Let’s go Jungkookie”   

The club was fun, Jungkook told me to have as much fun as I want since I rarely go out. Even so, I never leave the bar as Jungkook can obviously spot someone so he excuses himself from me exclaiming he will be back in like 10 minutes and runs off to the dance floor. Anxious about the crowd and my sudden loneliness; I pull myself into a dark corner at the end of the bar drunk patrons around me oblivious to presence. Feeling a hand on my ass and turn to see an unfamiliar handsome face. “Hey, um sorry to sound rude but can you like take your fucking hand off of me” I say shyly.  

The handsome man smiles and nods as he quickly pulls his hand off of my bottom “Sorry, I couldn’t get my footing with all the people I didn’t mean to…like touch you there I swear, I’m Mark” “Y/N” I say as I reach my hand out. He smiles and shakes my hand.” What are you drinking” He smiles “Malibu Pineapple” I reply politely. Mark orders me another and soon I’m feeling tipsy. His kind flirty personality only making you even more flustered, He smiles and places his hand on the small of your back as you talk. You check your phone only to see Jungkook has been gone for the better part of an hour; Mark’s deep voice pulling me out of my trance “SO… I hate to be THAT guy but are you here alone?” My eyes drift from my phone, my bottom lip pulled between my teeth. “Oh I-” 

Before I can respond I feel a hand snake around my waist and the melodic voice I’ve come to secretly love comes from behind me “No she’s here with me…… her husband” Jealousy laced in his voice as he pulls me closer to him. “And were supposed to be having a good time together…without you”   

“Sorry man, I didn’t know she was married. You know…since she was standing here by herself for a while, and it looked like she didn’t seem to mind spending time with me” Mark smirks sarcastically. The anger is growing more and more evident on Jungkook’s face. “Excuse me?!?” Mark shifts and smiles to me ignoring Jungkook’s ever growing angry form. “You trying to go somewhere less crowded you look really uncomfortable with how many people are here” “Oh I don’t know” I state shyly, stepping back a little. “What Y/N I'm just trying to be nice ill bring you home. I just don’t trust this guy you know? Who leaves their wife alone in a bar like this for over an hour?” It's obvious that was the last straw as Jungkook pulls me behind him as he punches Mark in the face. Mark returns the blow, Jungkook's large form stumbling back at the power the other man had. “You want to keep talking shit asshole” Jungkook's loud voice rings out as he charges Mark again. I stood frozen in place from Jungkook's forceful grab. The bar hitting my back.  Soon security was separating the brawl and me and Jungkook were in the car on our way back to the house.   

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In the passenger seat I take in the details of Jungkook’s now bruised face. I shift my eyes back to the windshield, a pout evident on my face “Why was he with you, Y/N?” Jungkook questions the tone in his voice is obviously a sad and jealous one. “He just came up to and we started talking he bought me a couple drinks that’s all Kookie, I promise.” I whine. It’s happened on occasion after Jungkook swore to make up for not being a good friend to you; you guys would flirt and be all over each other, yet neither would make a real move. “Would you have gone home with him? Would you have let him fuck you?” He asks scared of the answer. “WHAT? NO! Jungkook-ah I swear nothing like that would have happened. I mean Mark was really attractive and I’m sure he would have shown me a great time but I just wasn’t interested in him, kookie” That answer seems to have settled him for now. The drive now growing silent. “Y-y/n?” Jungkook slurs “Yeah” “You ever thought about it?” “What?” I ask confused. “Sex, with me” He asks shyly. “Um Jungkook? How drunk are you did you-” “No that doesn’t count I mean recently?” He stammers out.  

“Honestly?” He nods rapidly “Yes I need you to tell me the truth because I'm gonna kiss you and I'm not trying to get slapped” He confesses. My eyes widen at his drunk confession “Oh I wouldn’t slap you if you kissed me” He smiles slightly “really? Would you stop me if I touched you like I want Baby?” lust filling his tone as his hand placed itself inside your thigh slowly rubbing up toward my core. A small whimper is released from my lips. He takes his bottom lip between his teeth. “You want me to stop y/n?” He asks cockily. I shake my head rapidly. “You want my fingers inside you don’t you baby?” I nod rapidly. 

 “Don’t worry baby girl I’ll do that for you.” he says as he pulls into the driveway. He runs to the passenger door and opens it for me as I get out and wrap my arms around him. “Oh yeah Kookie? Are you gonna make me cum for you?” I smirk the drunk naughty thoughts take over. Jungkook wraps his arms around my waist and for the first time tonight I smell the alcohol coming off Jungkook. He’s as drunk as I am or even more so, he presses his chest against my back and I feel a hard shaft against my ass. He peppers kisses up the side of my neck until his lips reach my ears “mmm Baby girl, I wanna eat your pussy so bad” He smacks my ass harshly as he lifts me and carries me into the home.   

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I wake up in Jungkook’s bed the next morning, events from last night come rolling in. We had sex, 4 times, I notice the coldness on the side of the bed from me. I make my way out of Jungkook’s room and dash toward the kitchen. Jungkook is sitting at the table on the phone back to the entrance. “I don’t know Jimin we fucked like 4 times Jimin but that’s all she helped me cum and I helped her that’s all it was” “No I don’t have feelings for her, we used each other Jimin, it wasn’t like that this guy was talking to her at the club and she told me she wasn’t going to go home with him but let’s be honest if I wasn’t there, she would have gone with him and I can’t have some slut for a wife” 

 “No man I just helped her cum so she doesn’t start going out for some rando guy to get her off she doesn’t really expect anything from it. She just wanted to cum that’s how good little whores do it and from last night I know she’s one of the best sluts I’ve ever met so easy to get her to do anything for me cause she’s a sub” “Look I got to go Jimin before she gets up, I got to get he out of my bed before she thinks I want her there all the time…. dude of course I’m gonna fuck her again it’s one of the best pussies I’ve ever had……your stupid dude bye”   

I rush to my room and lock the door. His words stab at my heart. Just some easy slut? That’s what he thought you were, because you let your guard down and gave yourself to the first person you’ve ever had sex with. Tears stream down my face as I hyperventilate a knock at my bedroom pulls me out of a trance. “Y/n-ie?” another knock “you, okay?” I shout from behind the door. 

 “Yeah…I’m fine” I hear slight shuffling “Did you want to go to breakfast maybe we can take a walk to Han River you said you like going there right?” His nervousness is evident through the door. “Um…Honestly Jungkook, I’m not feeling too good I’m like really hungover and I’d like to take a shower” to wash your scent and touch off of me. “Oh…. well can I join you then?” I shake my head no, god please no. “Y/N-ie? Babe?” my heart shatters at his words “Um I’m sorry Kookie but I really don’t feel like it” “Oh okay, um when you’re done can you come hang out and watch a that Invisible Man movie you wanted to see” “Um sure I’ll see you in a bit bye Jungkook” Jungkook’s face twists in to a pout behind the door.  

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After your shower you leave the room and walk down the hall “Jungkook?” before I pass his bedroom, I peak my head in and see Jungkook laying on his bed completely naked, eyes closed tight, stroking himself, moaning out your name. The sight is addicting I feel my own excitement building up at the sight of him. I try to back out of the room and accidentally slam into Jungkook’s bedroom door. His eyes shoot open and his hand leaves his member. “Y/N! I…UM…I WAS JUST….” I smile and walk toward him. “We’re you thinking about me Jungkook” I teased. He bites his lip “Were you thinking about last night or the fact that you missed fucking me hard into the shower” He sighs and nods “both” he mutters. His words from earlier out of my mind as I place my lips against his and let him take me for the 5th time in 24 hours.   

The way he pounds into me, his hair stuck to his forehead. “Fuck baby girl you take it so good, look at your pretty pussy taking this cock the way you should…. hmmm that’s my pussy baby girl” I moan in response “yes kookie-ah only yours” My climax builds fast as Jungkook’s thrusts get sloppy. “Yeah, oh baby girl I’m gonna cum so deep in your pussy” He exclaims as he captures his lips into mine. “All mine baby girl” he thrusts once more and I feel a warmth inside me as he kisses my neck.   

He gets up and runs to the bathroom. A loud ping comes through on the phone

   Areum<3: When are you going to divorce that ugly ass wife? Baby I got to spend time with you at the club but fucking in a bathroom then getting kicked out for a fight especially over her is crazy.  

My breath hitches and swells up in my throat as I read the message. He had sex with someone last night right before he had sex with me, he took my mouth last night. Disgust fills me up as I run to my bedroom. Opening the closet, I begin throwing my things in the luggage bag. “Baby did you want- what are you doing?!” Jungkook stopped at my door, a confused look on his face. 

 “I’m leaving Jungkook” I state as tears stream down my face. Panic rises on Jungkook’s face “why? You don’t want to be here anymore? Did I do something? I can fix it I swear but you can’t go…you can’t just go when we….” ��Areum misses you and you should focus on one girl Jungkook-ah” I cut him off and realization dawns on his face as he runs to his room to grab his phone.

 The second the phone is in his hand he rushes out of his room and sees your retreating figure making your way to the door “Y/N-AH! DON’T GO PLEASE” You freeze the sound of his voice cracking “Areum is just some girl she’s not anyone don’t just assume because some girl texted me, she misses me that I’m going to run to her” “You were with her last night….you Fucked her last night not even an hour before you fucked me, my mouth” 

Jungkook shakes his head “No it’s not like that I swear like you said I fucked her, Baby girl I can’t fuck you. I make love to you please I’m begging you don’t go okay I know we haven’t been the best but I can fix this don’t do this not when I know I love you please” I shake my head and make my way to the door as Jungkook’s sobs grow. “Stop please” he reaches for the door and slams it shut. “You can’t just leave, not after what we just did, not when I love you, please” I smile at him lightly and press my lips against his.

 I feel his hands snake around my waist as he kisses me hard. I lose myself in his lips soon I reach for my luggage bag and rush out the door and into my car. Jungkook is banging on my passenger side window trying to open the door tears streaming down his face “please, stop, stop the car, get out please stay with me, BABY PLEASE” he shouts as I reverse and drive off the last sight, I have is Jungkook chasing my car with tears streaming down his face   

[highpope]

Silver Keys - Ch. One

JJ Maybank x oc / Soulmate AU / Topper x oc

warnings: none, if there are any let me know!

Word Count: 2k ish

Notes: Hi guys, sorry this is so long overdue. I was fighting with this one. But i really wanted to update this story. It’s not my fave but that’s okay. ** As always, reblogs and feedback is welcome and appreciated. 

Masterlist - READ PROLOGUE FIRST :))

June sat at the piano she got for her 16th birthday. She had been saving up for years and finally had enough money for a keyboard. It wasn’t the same as the beautiful grand piano at her instructors, but it did the job. June nervously watched the clock tick down to midnight and tried to focus on the song she was trying to learn. If she came into lessons next week without having learned at least half of it she wouldn’t be on track to play at the recital in a few weeks. It was a big deal to her parents, and June too. The recital was on the mainland with tons of different kids from the surrounding areas. June had never gotten an opportunity to play and she wasn’t about to let worrying about her potential soulmate stop her. 

She took a deep breath and began to play. As the minutes turned to seconds, June was gracefully gliding her fingers up and down the keyboard, trying to make sense of the melodies, allowing the notes to soak into the room. 

On the morning of her birthday, June walked down the stairs into the kitchen to see a note and a box of donuts. It was Saturday, meaning both her parents were working and Olivia, her sister, was going to be sleeping the day away. June grabbed a powder sugar donut from the box and read the note: 

Happy Birthday, Love! We can’t wait to celebrate with you tonight. 

Have fun today, Mom and Dad

She smiles and folds the note up. June was just about to grab another donut when the doorbell rang. She looked at the time, 9:30. There’s no way any family member would be stopping by and Olivia’s friends wouldn’t show up unannounced. June opens the door to reveal JJ dressed in shorts and a light long sleeve t-shirt. 

“Happy birthday Ju Ju!” JJ exclaims.

June rolled her eyes, “God, please don’t call me that.” She opened the door wide to let him in. The nickname originated from June’s younger sister. They were five years apart and she couldn’t properly say June’s name for quite a while. So from ages 5 to 8, she was Ju Ju. 

“Nah, I think 18 is the year we bring it back,” JJ said, slinging his arm around her shoulders. 

“Absolutely not,” June says, tapping his cheek lightly, “Thanks though.” He smiles as she jumps up onto one of the stools in the kitchen, “what’s up?”

“You, miss birthday girl, have very important places to be. Go get dressed.” 

“Where exactly do I have to be?” 

“Well, first, Kie’s and then,” JJ motions like he is zipping his lips and throwing the key away. June narrows her eyes causing him to throw up his hands in defense. 

“Okay, fine, but don’t eat my donuts!” June runs up the stairs and begins to get ready. She decides on a blue tube top, shorts, and a white cropped jacket. She runs a brush through her hair and packs her swimsuit and a few other things in a drawstring before going down the hallway to leave a note for her sister. She tells her where she’s going to be and to call when she gets up. 

JJ and her drive to Kiara’a in his truck, the windows down and the radio stuck on the same channel it’s been on since he got it. They’ve learned to tolerate it. JJ was so proud of the truck when he first showed the pogues. He had gotten a busted down pickup from some guy on the island and fixed it up pretty much by himself. The rest of them promised to never make fun of it. 

“Happy Birthday!” The pogues yell when June opens the door. She can’t contain her laughter. Everyone is wearing pink sparkly party hats. Kie instantly comes over to her, throwing her arms around her neck, “baby is eighteen!” June squeezes back and accepts a hat identical to the rest and hands one to JJ who shuts the door behind them. 

“Looking good, boys.” June laughs at Pope and John B posing in their hats. 

“It’s the required attire didn’t you hear?” John B asks, kissing the top of June's head and Pope slinging an arm around her shoulders. They lead her through the kitchen and the sliding door to the outdoor patio. The lounge chairs are set up along with string lights and a birthday banner. It was perfect. The whole thing, being with her favorite people, the perfect weather. 

“You guys didn’t have to do all of this.” 

“But you deserve it. You’re always the first to do anything for the rest of us,” Pope says. 

“He’s right, Juney,” Kie says, smiling. 

“You’re a bunch of saps,” JJ says plopping into a chair. 

After spending the morning and early afternoon hanging out in Kie’s backyard, the five piled into the van and headed down to the beach. The boys were in the water before June could even set her stuff down. It was arguably not warm enough to swim, but that didn’t stop them. Kie and June decided to layout, occasionally sneaking a few drinks from the water bottle filled with alcohol. 

“So how are you feeling about the whole soulmate thing?” Kie asks, bumping her shoulder against June’s. 

To be honest, June had forgotten all about it. She could barely sleep last night she was so nervous, but now that it could happen whenever, she felt much better.

“Honestly okay.” She admitted.

“Do you think you already know who it is?”

“I mean that happens more often than not, right? Just look at our parents.” Kie’s parents had known each other in high school, having grown up on the island, but didn’t know they were soulmates until later down the line. That happens all the time. Whether or not it’s just coincidence or really is fate, June hadn’t decided yet. 

“I guess you’re right.” She paused before speaking again, “I don’t think I want to already know them. I don’t want to marry someone we went to high school with and be stuck here only for our kids to end up the same way.” Seeing Kiara open up like this made June wonder about her own future. 

“Don’t worry Kie, you’re gonna go somewhere cool like Australia and stop the wildfires and clean the oceans and fall in love with some really hot girl and leave us all behind forever.” 

She moved her sunglasses off her face to hold back her hair, “I could never leave you, but you really think so?”

“Of course. You’re going places. John B, JJ, and I are gonna be stuck here smelling like fish bait until we’re 80.” June gags.

Kiara laughs, making a disgusted face, “what about Pope?” 

“Nah, he’s too good for this place.” They both laugh so hard they don’t even notice the boys had made their way back to where they were laying.

“What’s so funny?” John B asks, shaking out his hair.

“Nothing,” Kie says with a smile on her lips. The boys share a knowing look before dropping it altogether. That’s when June’s phone chimes with a message from her sister. 

Mom said to make sure you were home soon for tonight. We’re almost all set up here.

I guess Aunt Morrane is coming:/

“No,” June groans at the last of Olivia’s message. 

“What’s wrong?” JJ asks, sitting down next to her. 

“My Aunt is coming to dinner tonight.”

“The horror!” John B mocks. 

“Stop! I’m serious. She’s a nutcase.” June replies, throwing a towel at his face. He catches it in one swift motion. 

“Ju it’s gonna be fine.” JJ said reassuringly, “I’ll drop you back off.” 

The pogues only stayed a little while longer before packing up their stuff into the van and parting ways once back at Kiara’s. 

“I won’t have any fun without you,” Kie begged before June got into the truck. 

“You’re gonna be fine.” The rest of the group was going to the first official kegger of the summer. June always missed it. She was sure she would hear all about it tomorrow when she would stop by the chateau with a bunch of water and ibuprofen in the morning to make sure they were all breathing. 

“Hey, thanks, J,” June says when JJ had pulled up in front of her house. 

“No problem,” he starts. June reaches for the door handle, “actually, I got you something.” 

Surprised, June says “You didn’t have to get me anything.” 

He waves her off and reaches into the glove compartment, pulling out a bracelet, “uh. It’s not wrapped or anything.” 

June examines the bracelet, it was a brown braided string with a single pearl threaded in the middle. 

“I love it.” 

“Really?” JJ asks, scrunching up his nose, “because it’s okay if you don’t I just thought-”

“No, no I do. Thank you,” June says and reaches up to kiss his cheek. Just then there is a loud pounding coming from the passenger side window, causing June to startle and drop the bracelet. Both June and JJ lean in to grab it off the floor of the car and smack heads. “Shit, sorry”

“Ow!” 

JJ finally grabs the bracelet and hands it back to her before they are both faced with Aunt Morrane opening the door and practically dragging her out of the truck. 

“You know,” her aunt starts, “darling, everyone is waiting inside.” 

“I’ll just be one second, I promise.” She says flashing a smile to her aunt and pleading eyes to JJ. He tries to hide his laughter. 

Aunt Morrane locks arms with June and begins walking up to their sidewalk, quite literally dragging her by her feet, and begins talking about this show she was watching.

“Happy Birthday, Ju Ju!” JJ yells from the truck. June tries to flip him off as discreetly as possible with her aunt still gripping on to her. 

At the door, her mother engulfs her into a hug, “Happy 18th, love.” 

“Thank you, mama.” 

“Was that JJ? You know he could've come in. We have enough food.”

“It’s okay, Mama, he had plans.” That satisfied her enough as she went to close the door and straight back into the kitchen. June took off her shoes and that’s when she heard it. It only lasted a minute and she couldn’t recite it if she was asked, but it was there. Faint, but clear. Just how Pope had described it. Just how everyone had described it. Her soulmate. 

taglist: @allycat449-blog @ifilwtmfc (hi im sorry I forgot to tag yall) 

** if you want to be added to the taglist let me know!!

[elysiashelby]

In Another World - T. Shelby Imagine Ch. 6

Paring: (Eventual) Thomas Shelby x Aliena Welsh (OC)

Fandom: Peaky Blinders

Word Count: 5,428

WARNINGS: Cursing, Self-Harm, Self-Deprecation 

Summary: Aliena Welsh has been living in the universe of the show Peaky Blinders for a year, and the time has come for the show to start. But how will this affect her and Thomas’ relationship?

MASTERLIST  CHAPTER 5.3  CHAPTER 7

A/N: THE SCENE IS SEPARATED BY THE BLACK LINE BREAKS! LOOK FOR THE SECOND ONE IF YOU DON’T WANT TO READ THE SCENE! 

To be completely honest, I’m basing Aliena’s personality and actions off of myself, so since I have depression that means she does too. I have self-harmed in a stressful situation, so to me- it makes since that she would do it too as the tension are rising and she has to deal with the guilt of letting bad things happen to the people that are close to her. It’s especially harder since the one she cares for the most knows she’s allowing stuff to happen to him and his family. 

A week and a half has passed and today the boys are going to the fair. I got ready and rushed over to John’s flat. Polly had already told me that I wasn’t to make breakfast for the family because it was all of the boys going out this time. I knew Ada was with Freddie and I think all Polly knew was that she had been out. 

She told me that she was going to the church and I knew she would be meeting that bastard Campbell. Anyway, I let the kids have the day off. So, they were still asleep when I decided to ring Cassie. I still talk to her in an American accent, by the way.

“Why the hell are you calling me so early in the morning, Ali?”

“‘Cause I’m bored.”

“Bitch.”

“Slut. Now do you want the tea or not?” Yes, I taught Cassie 2010’s slang. I told her it would be like our own language. She loved the idea.

“Okay, lay it on me.”

“So, there’s a new barmaid in town. Tommy is completely smitten with her, or is gonna be. I can just tell.”

“No, shit! Fuck, what’re going to do?”

“What do you mean what am I going to do? Nothing! I can’t do anything. You know what he told me the other day!”

“That I’m a girl who isn’t family and you’re going to find a good man of your own.” We said simultaneously.  

“You’ve said that a million times, Ali.”

“Well, it fucking sucks that he doesn’t see me as a woman. A girl, he said, a girl! There’s nothing I can do, Cassie. I’m fucking stuck suffering.”

“And working. When are we gonna go out again?”

“Fuck if I know! I’m just really needed here, is all.”

“Stop pulling my leg. You’ve already used that excuse. “Oh but they need me!” “I need to take care of the kids!” “They’re really stressed, right now!” Shut up and admit that you don’t like not being around Thomas.” She laughed.

“Shut up! That’s not it. They really do need me. I just can’t tell you why.” 

She hummed. “Well, at least, you have your eyes set on someone. Mind that he doesn’t reciprocate it, but it must be nice to dote on someone.”

“Wow, thanks.” 

“What? In my opinion, it’s better than not having anybody to obsess about. It gets lonely over here, you know.”

We talked for hours. Eventually, the kids came down ‘n I had to feed them, but I just moved the telephone with me. Since I knew what was gonna happen today, I told them that they would be playing in the back and that’s it. 

“I’m sure. How is Angie and Tina?” I said.

“Still doing everything together. Seriously, this is why I need you to find a day off ‘cause I need some me and you time. I'm fucking stuck being a third wheel here.” 

“Sexual tension, still there?”

“Of-fucking-course!”

We both laughed. 

“But, ever since we talked about it. I noticed it more. Tina’s lingering glances at Angie and such. It’s just so sad.”

“Well, if she is a lesbian, hopefully, she’ll find someone.”

“Yeah, that would be the best outcome for her. The worst being, her family forcing her off in a loveless marriage. Hey, think she could like both?”

“Let’s hope.”

We both hummed sadly. 

Just then another voice cut in, “Excuse me, Miss, you’re getting another call?”

“Who from?” I asked.

“6 Watery Lane, Small Heath, Miss.”

“Put it through. Bye, Cassie!”

“Bye!”

“Hello?” 

“Aliena, come down here quick. Don’t bring the kids and tell ‘em to stay inside the house.” 

“Okay, Pol.” I hung up the phone and rushed upstairs. I knocked on Katie’s door and entered. 

She was busy rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. I said. “Katie, something’s happened and your Aunt Polly has called me back to the house. That means no more napping, you’ll have to look after your siblings. And you’ll have to make lunch and maybe dinner. Your Aunt Polly said no going outside today, so keep that door locked after I go. Understand?”

“Yes, Aliena.”

I stroked her cheek before kissing her forehead and leaving her room. I rushed to put on me coat, hat, ‘n scarf as I went out the door. I shouted goodbye to the kids and locked the door behind me and stuffed the key in me pocket. 

As I walked down the street, I noticed that there was furniture in the streets and people in their night clothes. Men didn’t greet me as I walked past, but I went up to a familiar face. 

“Mr. Johnson, can you tell me what’s happened?”

“Oh, Ms. Welsh! Those bloody new coppers came in and threw everything out. Told us that the Peaky Blinders gave them the okay. Is that true?”

I put on a troubled face. I made me voice small and trembling. “I… I don’t know, Mr. Johnson. I’m terribly sorry.”

He picked up a chair of his with his head hanging. “It’s all right, love. A word of advice, Ms. Welsh, be careful around them. Wouldn’t want the light of the Shelby family to darken.”

Me eyes widened as a blushed rushde to me face. “The light, Mr. Johnson?”

He chuckled while handing his items to his wife. “That’s your nickname ‘round here, Ms. Welsh. The little shiny light among those Peaky Blinder devils. A smile from you will cause any man in this city to behave.” 

I chuckled, looking down with a small smile on me face. “Well, thank you for telling me, Mr. Johnson. I’m sorry this happened to you.”

“We’ll be fine, dear. Go on about your business. I’m sure they have you running somewhere.” 

I gave him and his family one last smile before I continued me walk home. I got some pitiful stares and some glares, but I ignored ‘em. When I reached the house, I unlocked the door and walked in.   

As I was taking off me coat, I shouted. “Polly, I’m here!”

“We’re in here, love!” She shouted back.

I walked into the parlor where Lovelock and Scudboat were. 

“Go on.” Polly said. “Finish your report.”

“They’ve done in The Guns, The Chain, The Marquis. They didn’t touch the Garrison.” 

Polly scoffed a hand rubbing her bottom lip.

“They did John’s street, too. But they didn’t touch the place.” I added. Her eyes widened like saucers. 

“Jesus Christ. Well, the boys will be coming here soon. Scudboat, Lovelock, go and fetch a bucket of mild. Ali, come help me get the glasses.” 

It took them an hour to get here. Polly told them to have a seat, but only Arthur sat down. I looked over at Tommy who was already looking at me. I turned the left corner of me mouth up as a sort of smile. 

I pulled me sleeves up and started filling their cups. I passed it to Tommy, first, then Arthur. Scudboat and Lovelock already had their own. John stopped me saying that he’d get his own. I used a cloth to wipe the stuff off of me.

“The coppers told everyone Arthur had agreed to it when he was arrested. They said the Peaky Blinders had cleared out to the fair to let them do it.” Polly told them.

“I never said nothing to that copper about smashing up bloody houses!” Arthur said.

“All right!” Tommy said. “Which pubs did they do?”

“The Guns, The Chain, The Marquis. All the ones that pay you to protect them. The only one they didn't touch was The Garrison.” Polly answered. She lit her ciggie before talking again. “Made sure people think we were in on it. Smart, this copper. So go on. Drink your beers. Get out.”

All of them put down their beers and started making their way out, except Tommy.

“You better show people you'll still the cocks of the walk.” Polly called out after them.

Tommy walked ‘round to where I was as he ordered. “Hand out some cash to the landlords of the pubs. Pay some veterans to fix the places up.” 

Arthur barely putting on his coat asked. “So what about you, Tommy?”

“I've to go to Charlie's to stable the horse. She looked foot sore in the box.”

 Arthur was visibly upset by Tommy’s answer. 

“Let them see your faces.” Polly said before closing the doors to the betting shop. She turned ‘round and looked at me. “You can go now, Ali.” 

I nodded, looking over at Tommy who just nodded at me. I turned and went for the door. I was gonna go back to John’s ‘n cook them kids dinner. 

I was barely out the door when I heard the pounding of footsteps.

“Aliena!” Tommy shouted. “I have a plan. Tell me if it pays off or not.” 

“Alright.”

He nodded. “Gonna burn the King’s pictures. Will it-?”

“Yeah.” I interrupted him. I turned back ‘round. 

“See you, tonight, then?” He shouted. 

I waved him off. “Of course!” 

I walked to John’s flat with a little more pep in me step. 

I made their dinner, had some, tucked them into bed, and then made me way down to the fire. Loads of people were piling in. I walked over towards the boys. 

“What’s ‘appening, then, lads?” I shouted as I bumped into John forcefully.

They cheered for me, oddly enough. 

“Look, Finn and I have to go ‘n get more then I’ll be back, eh, Ali!” John said to me as he ran backwards. 

“Fine, hurry up then, la!” I chuckled as I turned me attention to Tommy ‘n Arthur. They were watching the fire. Arthur with a drink in his hand, not yet opened. Tommy nursing a ciggie.

“The only reason I’m not smacking that outta your hand is ‘cause this is a special occasion.” I teased with a smile on me face.

He scoffed. “Then, everyday must be a special occasion.” 

I tsked ‘n attempted to smack away his ciggie. He raised his hand up in the air with a smirk on his face. I gasped loudly and put a hurt look on me face. I attempted to smack it out of his hands, but it was too high for me to reach. 

“Oh c’mon, Finn could do better than that!” Tommy chuckled. 

“Oh, do one! You fucking cheater, you!” I knocked me body into him. 

John and Finn soon came back. Somehow, Tommy managed to get a picture of the King ‘n chucked into the fire. “Chuck them on, boys.” He ordered.

People cheered including Finn, and Tommy chucked another photograph in. 

Arthur spit his cork into the fire before saying. “Well, I hope to God you know what you're doing.”

I looked to me right ‘n saw John pass his pint over to Finn. 

“Oi!” I yelled. “Don’t you take a swing of that, Finn Shelby!” 

 He brought the bottle down from his lips. John laughing at him. 

“Oh, let him. It’s a fire.” John said. 

I looked to Tommy ‘n he nodded. I rolled me eyes and lightly kicked his shoe. He looked at me, pointedly, and I stuck me tongue out at him. 

The reporter came. So Arthur, Finn, John, and I all moved over. I watched as they talked. The fire gave me a logical reason for me blushing. 

‘He just looked so stoic and handsome. Take me breath away, I swear.’

John ‘n I made conversation, mainly abar the schooling progress of his kids. I told him and Arthur, very loudly might I add, abar how Finn was doing. He begged me to stop, but I only did after a little more teasing. 

When the reporter left, we all shuffled back to where Tommy was. We were talking for a while. I didn’t even notice when I was taking swings out of the boys’ bevvies. When I was talking to Tommy, John came over ‘n slung his arm over me shoulders.

“Oi, Aliena. Let’s have a song.” 

I laughed nervously. “You outta your bloody mind!” I pushed his head away from me face. 

I’m guessing Arthur heard ‘cause his head whipped ‘round. “Oh, come on! Sing a song, Songbird!”

I shook me head. “Nu uh!” 

“Oh, come on, Ali. Give us a song.” Tommy added in with a smug smirk.

Me jaw dropped in shock. I muttered. “You little traitor.” I cleared me throat. “Fine, you’re lucky I’ve been drinking! What am I singing? Happy, sad, love songs?”

I got shouts of “love songs” and “happy.” It wasn’t just the boys. I threw me head back trying to find a proper song to kick things off. I knew that none of them would know any of the songs I’ma gonna sing, but I’m too out of it to care. 

So, I picked “Saturday Night’s Alright (For Fighting)” by Elton John. People were really confused at first until the boys started cheering for me. Then, they started joining in too and a fight really did break out. I spun Finn ‘round ‘n ‘round since I wouldn’t be able to lead John in a dance. I sang “The Love Club” By Lorde and John did pull me away from Finn.

Next, I sang “Supaloney” by BENEE. I even did the dance. Look these were modern songs, but as long as Tommy stuck around, Arthur was cheering, and John ‘n Finn were dancing with me. Nobody said a word and danced with us. I sang “Electric” by Alina Baraz then “Cooler than Me” by Mike Posner before switching over to oldies. 

I stopped dancing and just started singing. The first oldies song I picked was “Can't Take My Eyes off You” by Frankie Valli, “Put Your Head On My Shoulder” by Paul Anka, “Dream a Little Dream of Me” by Doris Day. The crowd was slowing down, visibly tired so I sang “So This Is Love” by Ilene Woods.

When the song finished, I rubbed my throat. Tommy walked over to me and asked if I was alright. I nodded. “Okay, lads! One last song then I’m done!” I announced. I was racking me brain for the right song when a hand clasped me own. 

I looked up at Tommy. “What?” I asked. 

He had a smile on his face. “Sing a song we can dance too.” 

Me face contorted into something I couldn’t describe. I turned into a giggling mess. “What on Earth are you talking abar, Thomas Shelby?” Me voice had turned into a squeal by the end of me sentence. 

He took a hand in mine while the other rested on me hip. I put a hand over me mouth, absolutely speechless. 

“Let’s have a dance, Ali. I’m the only one you haven’t danced with.” 

I laughed with a big embarrassing smile on me face. I shook me head and sniffed as I regained me composure. I sang “At Last” by Etta James as I swayed with Tommy. I giggled a lot and covered me mouth. It felt like I was singing it to ‘em ‘n he got a kick out of it, making faces at me ‘n such. When I sang that we were in heaven, he rolled his eyes while shaking his head. 

We kept leaning into each other. But the final lyric came and so did the end of the dance. We stayed like that only for a moment, staring into each other’s eyes but then he broke it. 

“Right! Fire’s over, go on home!” He yelled. Tommy walked over to Arthur while I stared. Me mood was shattered just like that. 

I was surprised when someone tugged me to them. It was John, of course. I smacked his torso as he started walking us to the house. That night I slept in Tommy’s room. He stroked me hair ‘till I fell asleep.

The next morning, Polly and I were talking over drinks. I was sipping on juice while she had her tea.

Polly reached for the newspaper and started looking over it. 

“Looking for Tommy’s section?” I asked.

“Yes. I want to see how much trouble this boy has stirred up.”

Then Ada came in, making a beeline to the bread and jam.

“Good of you to join us.  Where have you been all day?” Polly asked Ada.

“In bed.” Ada replied. 

I looked away with widened eyes as I took a sip of me juice. 

As Ada was cutting herself a slice of bread, she continued talking. “Couldn't sleep. Then I couldn't wake up. Then I was cold, and then I had to go for a wee.” She grabbed the jam and her plate ‘n sat down at the table. “Then I was with this bear on a boat. That was just a dream. Then I was hungry.”

Polly made a point to stare at her, but Ada only started to get her serving of jam as she asked her. “Why are you reading the paper?”

“Why wouldn't I be?” Polly retorted.

“Well, I've never seen you read the paper. I've only ever seen you light fires with them.” Ada said before taking a bite out of her breakfast. 

“The BSA’s on strike.” Polly said while putting down the newspaper ‘n picking up her cuppa tea. “Miners are on strike. IRA are killing our boys. Ten a day.” I watched as Polly’s eyes widened. She connected the dots. 

‘I’ve been waiting for this moment! Now, I don’t have to tell blags anymore!’

I had to bite me tongue, so I wouldn’t smile. 

“Stand up.” Polly ordered Ada.

“Why?” Ada asked her.

“Just stand up.” Polly put down her cup as Ada put down her bread. They both stood up. “Side on.” 

Ada turned to her side and Polly grabbed her boob, lifting it up a little. 

I chuckled while Ada shouted. “Polly, what are you doing?” We looked at each other with grins on our faces. But Polly was not smiling.

“Ada,” She said concernedly. “How late are you?” 

Ada’s face changed from smiling to frowning. I mean she’d been caught. She looked away then at the ground. “One week.” She said. Ada took a look at Polly. “Five weeks.” The corner of her mouth lifted into a grimace before she admitted it all and Polly sat down. “Seven, if you count weekends. I think it's a lack of iron. I got some tablets.”

“But they didn’t work?” Polly asked. 

I pretended to be concerned about this whole thing. I rested me head on me hand as me elbow was on the table. A worried expression painted on me face. 

Ada sat back down. “No.” She answered while shaking her head, mockingly. 

Polly nodded her head. “Aliena, today you’re taking care of our Ada. I’ll make a telephone call, and see if we can get her an appointment with a woman I know to find out. Go on up to your room.” 

I instantly got up and took Ada’s scran in me hands. “Come on, love.” I said to her. 

She sighed before complying with Polly’s orders. 

As we were walking up the stairs, Ada asked me, “Ali, do you think I’m pregnant?” 

I looked at her with me own grimace. “It’s been seven weeks, Ada. You’d be abar two months into your pregnancy.” 

She whimpered with a scared look on her face. Then, she raced up the stairs. 

The whole day, she just ranted abar how she couldn’t have been pregnant or how she could. Abar how sure she was Tommy would kill Freddie, or they would try to kill each other. I tried soothing her the best I could. ‘Til she started crying ‘n I told her if she keeps on worrying like that she’d hurt the baby. That shut her up.

Polly came in abar 3 o’clock saying that she got Ada the appointment for 7. I was in charge of getting her bathed ‘n ready. Once we were all ready, we made the journey over to Polly’s friend. Ada had a death grip on me hand the whole time. 

Mrs. Simeon, was the woman’s name ‘n she checked if you were pregnant as a job. Sorry, I don’t know the name for it, but she’s like an OB-GYN— I think. Ada had to go into the room alone while me ‘n Polly waited outside the room. 

I sighed audibly while rubbing me forehead and me leg crossed on top of the other. “She’s pregnant, isn’t she, Pol?”

She sighed, too. “Fucking, yes.” 

Ada soon came out with a pout. I knew it was because Mrs. Simeon didn’t tell her the results. But she told them loud ‘n clear to Polly. She paid the woman and Ada stormed off. I ran after her and stole the ciggie she had lit from her hand. 

She protested but I held a finger to her. “No fucking smoking while you’re knocked up. You hear me, Ada? No fucking smoking from now on. It hurts the baby!” I looked down at the burning ciggie in me hand ‘n brought it to me lips. 

I took a puff out of it. Polly came out. “Keep bloody walking, the both of youse.” Polly took hold of Ada’s arm. I followed after them, still smoking. 

“If anybody sees us here, they'll know."

“I'm not getting rid of it, Aunt Pol.” 

“Just come home and we'll talk about it.”

“You get off of me, or I'll scream it, I swear.” Ada yanked her arm out of Polly’s grip. She stood still, effectively stopping us all. I leaned on one side, bringing the ciggies to me lips for another puff. 

Polly looked ‘round as if trying to look out for familiar faces. “All right, you want to do this on the street? Let's do it. Whose is it?”

“If I tell you, you'll tell them and they'll cut him to pieces.”

“Not if he marries you, they won't. Will he marry you?”

“I don't know. I don't know where he is.”

“Jesus Christ, Ada!” Polly exclaimed while I muttered, “Fuck!” 

I was just making little comments to keep up with appearances. I knew Freddie was on the run for now because of Campbell. I threw the ciggie on the ground and smashed it out. 

“Look, he's gone away but he said he'd come back.” Ada said while I scoffed.

“Yeah, but they all say they'll come back.”

“He's not like that, he's a good man, he promised.” Ada started breaking down, so Polly pulled her in for a hug. 

“He will come back, Aunt Pol, I know he will!” Ada said, muffled.

Polly looked at me while nodding her head and I took a surveying glance ‘round the street. I shook me head. 

After a few pats on the back, we hurriedly walked back home. 

I was out all day. I had to clean up John’s flat ‘n then collect from the families. When I was done hanging all of me stuff up, I walked into the parlor to see if anyone else was home. The doors to the betting shop were open ‘n sitting at the furthest table from the door was Tommy. 

He looked deep in thought. I walked over to him, me heels clicking against the floor. He looked up at me.

“Did you know?” He asked me.

“Know what?” 

“About Ada.” 

I was in front of him, now. I nodded. 

He scoffed before downing the drink he had already poured. “How long?”

I fiddled with me hands, humming. “Um. I caught them while I was looking for Ilsa. They were under a bridge that’s near one of Ilsa's friend’s home. I thought the girls might have been playing down there, and there they were.” 

“You didn’t tell me.”

“She begged me not to.”

“Your loyalties lie with her, then?” 

I scoffed while giving him a flabbergasted look. “Loyalties, Thomas? It’s women’s business, Tommy. Look at it this way, I’m telling you now.” 

He laughed, mirthlessly. He leaned back against his chair and poured himself another drink. 

‘Was probably shocked that I dared to use his own words against him.’

 “Are you mad at me?” Me voice came out small. Like a whisper. Me nerves were set a light. 

Tommy shook his head. “No, not mad.” He paused before leaning forward where he originally was. “I’m just surprised you can keep secrets from me. You are, afterall, so easy to read.” He gave me a pointed look, a mocking look. 

I bit me lip while looking up at the ceiling then away from him as I nodded. 

‘I wanted to ask him what he meant by that. But, I don’t think I’d like the answer.’

I cracked me thumb out of reflex. “Well, when you’ve calmed down, let’s talk.” I knocked on the table and then started walking back into the parlor.

“We can talk now.” 

I whipped ‘round. “No!” I yelled, tears streaming down me face and me hands immediately coming into the conversation. “You got a cob on ‘n I don’t want to talk to ya while you’re like that. We’ll both say things we don’t mean, or worse what you do mean to say and I don’t want to hear it right now!” Me arms went limp as they were previously held out in front of me. I nodded at him before turning back ‘round. I was wiping me tears when Polly walked past me. 

I ran to my room ‘n as much as I wanted to slam me door shut, I couldn’t. I leaned against the door as me shoulders shook with sobs. I slid down to the floor. I put me hand over me mouth, trying to stifle me sobs. 

I flinched when I heard the glass shatter. Polly had thrown Thomas’s glass at the wall.

Me thoughts were running at a million miles per hour. I wanted it to stop. I was still crying as I crawled to me bed and took out the suitcases. I opened the one with all the items and looked for something sharp. 

Then, I found it. A pocket knife. I left it out of the suitcase while I put the rest away. I sat against me bed and ran me fingers along the pocket knife. 

A thought ran across me mind, ‘I’ve never done it with a knife before.’

I choked on a sob and took a big gulp of air. 

‘I can’t take it anymore. What if I stayed down there and he made fun of me for having a crush on him? He’s gonna start pushing me away. I can’t take this anymore, not this much stress. I can’t bloody well tell him everything, but did he expect me too? But I can’t! I can’t do that all the time!’ I thought. 

I picked up me dress and bunched it up at me waist. I unclasped the knife that was in me left hand and held it at the outside of me left thigh.

It was scarless. I’ve never cut here before. I’ve done me stomach and arms, but never thighs. 

I got the sheets from me bed and stuffed them in me mouth in a hurry. Me breathing quickened even more as I pressed the knife against me skin. 

And then I just did it. The pain was euphoric. I watched the blood seep out of the cut I made. I did another and another. 

‘Fat. Ugly. Worthless. Manipulative. Annoying. Whore. Clingy. Slut.’ Were the thoughts that ran through me mind.

It was like I was snapped out of it when I heard a bang and then another right after it. I looked down at me thigh and it was all red. There were drops of blood on the floor. 

‘What do I do? How would I get all of this clean?’ 

I slammed me head back against me bed. I stopped crying and was just breathing hard. I dropped the knife and hid me face in me hands. I tugged me face down before I let it go. I sat there doin’ nothing. Then, I heard the door slam again and I rushed to my feet. 

I held me skirt up and ran to where we kept the medical supplies. I slammed it down on the counter near the sink as I sat on it. I looked around for alcohol ‘n I couldn’t find it. So, I hopped down ‘n shuffled to where Tommy was sitting at. 

I took the bottle in me hands ‘n then walked back to where I was. I sat down there again ‘n poured the alcohol onto me cuts. I winced a little, but the pain brought me more satisfaction than discomfort. I got a gauze pad in me hand ‘n placed it over them, then wrapped it ‘round. 

I heaved a big sigh when it was all said ‘n done. I sat there for a while before I decided to get back up. I got a dry cloth ‘n filled up a bowl with water then walked back up me room. 

After I scrubbed out the blood on me floor, I put it on me desk ‘n went to sleep. 

The next day, I didn’t see him. I knew he went to talk to Campbell ‘n then see Grace. I smelt the opium from his room. It made me cry and pick at me wounds, which I had been cleaning up secretly. 

Bloody Ilsa and Finn got good eyes. They asked me why I’ve been walking with a limp. I told them I’d banged me foot pretty hard. They, of course, believed it. 

It was morning. I was getting ready. I whimpered when I had to pick up me leg to put on me shoes, boots they were. When I had put down me leg, there was a knock on me door. 

I startled me for a second. I looked at me left thigh to see if any blood had seeped through, but there was none. 

“Come in.” I said. 

The door opened and in came Tommy. I scoffed at the sight of him.

“You said that we’d talk when I wasn’t angry anymore. So…” He was in one of his suits with his cap in his hands. 

“It took you a day to get over it?” 

“I was busy.” 

“Sure.” I said as I already felt like crying. I closed me eyes and pinched me nose. When I opened me eyes, I kept them to the ground. 

He cleared his throat. “First, I want to apologize for making you cry. I know you don’t like it when I raise my voice and I took advantage of that. I know that when it comes to women things are different, especially when it's about romance. I had no reason to lash out the way I did at you, so for that I’m sorry.”

I nodded. “I accept your apology, Tommy. Anything else?” I lifted me head and looked right at him.

He looked away, trying to rack his mind for whatever he did wrong. 

I made a smacking noise with me mouth before I said. “I’ll help you out. There was a smell coming from your room.” 

Tommy’s eyes closed tightly. “I used opium to go to sleep last night, sorry.” 

I shrugged. “Don’t do it again.”

Tommy nodded before slowly making his way out of me door. He turned back ‘round with his cap now on his head. “You know, you have the nose of a blood hound.” 

I nodded with a smug smile across me face. “And the eyes of an eagle. And the ears of an elephant, so be more careful ‘round me.” 

He had a little smile before walking away. I kept me own little grin. I snapped me fingers twice and clapped me hands. Another reflex of mine.  

Me eyes widened when I realized I had something to tell him. “Tommy!” I shouted. I ran after him and caught him by the arm on the stairway. 

“What is it?” He asked. 

I blinked before letting him go. “Today’s meeting will be fine ‘n as long as you keep your ego or pride in check. It’ll go the way you want it, okay?”

His eyes widened, eyes shifting from left to right with his mouth hanging slightly open. “Okay” He said. 

I smiled and told him goodbye. 

I watched as he left. He gave me a two-finger salute before the door closed. 

His meeting with Billy Kimber will be fine!

I went back to me room to finish doing me hair. 

TAG LIST: @amirahiddleston​ @nemesis729​ @salvatoreitmeanssaviour​

[burlesque-articulation]

Alright, I pulled out my corkboard and red string again, this time in hopes of dissecting the MAG timeline to see if there is anything there to support my fan theory of:

~Could Jurgen Leitner be Martin’s Dad~

And so far, signs point to a solid "it could be possible”. So in lieu of this, I will be presenting all my evidence with exceptional bias so it better illustrates my desired outcome. Okay? Okay! Let’s get into it.

Let’s begin with 1985, when Jurgen Leitner supposedly begins renting an office in Pall Mall, central London. Presumably this is just where he sets up an office, and not the actual location of the Library, which isn’t something we get-- anyways, getting sidetracked, uhhh.

Right, we know, vaguely, that Martin was born in 1987, two years after Leitner would have set up shop in Central London; and interestingly enough, in that same year of Martin’s birth, Leitner attempted to hire some people to dig a big ol’ hole in the floor of his office to lead into the tunnels built beneath the building. And this could just be wishful thinking, but I believe it is implied that these tunnels connect to the other tunnels of Millbank Prison. Interconnected, and with many exits leading to various parts of the city. Basically, a needlessly intricate means of escape (I guess balconies and back doors just didn’t exist yet, you know) should shit get real. Anyways, the point I’m trying to make, is that it would make sense for Leitner to suddenly be very interested in having direct access to these tunnels from his main office after receiving news that he’s a father, or whatever. Or maybe it’s just because he’s always been a loser that loves vibing in tunnels.

[Obligatory readmore, because this shit gets long, and even more ramble-y. Also I’m not sorry, because y’all are more than welcome to continue scrolling past this mess]

Alright, now fast-forward to 1994, the destruction of the Library. At this point in time, Martin would have been 7. Now hold up! According to the Magnus Archives Wiki, Martin’s father abandoned the family when he was 8 or 9; so isn’t that a whole in the theory right there? No. It’s not. Because the only thing that is implied about Leitner around 1994, is that he went into hiding after the destruction of the Library. At no point is it implied that he even left the country (or even London, but like, I refuse to believe he’s that stupid; even if that alternative is hilarious). To set up my point, I’m going to shift the focus onto Martin now, and what his life might have been like when he was younger.

So, by present events (present actually referring to like, pre-season 4, actually), Martin’s mother is in a care home in Devon. Could be because care homes are cheaper there, or something, I have no idea. Honestly people in my family don’t live long enough to ever even consider this option, so I don’t know how assisted living works at all lmao. But let’s say, for simplicities sake, that Martin actually just grew up around Devon; and I’m throwing a dart at a map and declaring Plymouth as the city he grew up in. Anyways, why does this matter? Because I do in fact believe that Leitner is stupid enough to think that changing which county he lives in counts as being in hiding. And he gets maybe one (1) good summer with his family before the weight of his sins bare down on him, and he realizes that staying in one place really isn’t an option. So maybe he tries travelling around a bit; but inevitably he always ends up coming back to Plymouth. It takes him a year, maybe two, to finally realize that this won’t work forever. His habits are too predictable, and what’s this? The mother of his child is getting sick; and her condition only seems to worsen over time (you know, like how it usually works when someone is taken ill.); and Leitner gets it into his head that he could be the cause of it; so what is the safest course of action, but to completely abandon his family? Surely things will turn out for the better for them all if he were to just... disappear. To cut ties entirely, so as to make sure no one ever comes after them in an attempt to get to him.

And that worked out fucking great, didn’t it.

Bunch of unimportant stuff happens, and eventually Martin ends up dropping out of school, presumably only a year early from graduation (weird but fine); and it’s safe to assume he eventually ends up traveling to London in hopes of better job opportunities. Plus, if he’s gonna be lying on his CV, probably better to head out of county to some place where no one knows him from anywhere to begin with, right? That makes sense, and none of you can say otherwise.

And where does he find himself sliding into a new job position? Oh, that’s right; at the Magnus Institute. In the Library. I’m just saying. I am just saying, that’s a little interesting. I mean, he lied about having a degree in parapsychology on his CV; so if Bouchard really wanted to play along like he thought the CV was entirely legit, it actually would’ve made more sense to put him in Research, or even in Artefact Storage with a degree like that. But nope, Bouchard put him in the Library. Though, I guess we don’t know exactly what all might’ve been on Martin’s faked CV. But I swear to god, if we get bonus content that’s just Martin’s faked CV and it even hints at him working at a “family library/bookshop” I will spontaneously combust.

Regardless, in 2009, supposedly (according to the wiki), Martin began working at the Institute. Personally, I always thought he started working there in 2010, but that doesn’t matter. I actually like 2009 better, because then a year later, Leitner apparently begins working with Gertrude Robinson. Which I find interesting. I mean, really there’s no reason for them not to work together, I just find the timing of it interesting. Of course, Leitner (in MAG80) alludes to the fact that Gertrude was likely only working with him because there was a lack of anyone else around. But that really only explains Gertrude’s interest in Leitner. What attracted Leitner to the Magnus Institute in the first place, I wonder? Aside from the fact that it’s essentially the Library of Alexandria of research on the Entities. 

But Leitner had managed to stay out of public eye for about 16 years, why would he chose right around then to start playing peekaboo with the Beholding? Rhetorical question, of course. Y’all should already know exactly where I’m going with this line of questioning. Martin. Martin is what lead Leitner to the Institute, and to Gertrude. Dude just wanted to check up on his son, and now he’s just as trapped as everyone who works for the damn Institute because of all these weird rituals and shit. Plus maybe there was another reason why Leitner went through so much effort to help Gertrude, even putting himself on the line for it; and I think we can all agree that Leitner is a pretty selfish dude who’s only real character trait is being like a fucking cockroach. Straight up, the only way to kill a cockroach is to beat those suckers until they pop like a fucking pimple-- sorry, I’m actually getting ahead of myself, I don’t want to talk about that yet, um.

Leitner’s biggest character trait, and on some level, character flaw, is his Self-Preservation instinct. When the going gets tough, his own health and safety comes first. But maybe he gets a bit sentimental in his old age, and maybe he struck a deal with Gertrude; if he helps her stop the Unknowing, (or actually I think it would’ve been the Dark’s ritual first), she will bring his son down to the tunnels so Leitner can see how he’s grown, and maybe even talk to him. I just think that would be interesting character motivation; because at the end of the day, it’s still a pretty selfish motivation. But at this point, Gertrude’s only other option for help is a teenaged Shadow the Hedgehog wannabe; so she’d likely agree to just about anything for the extra pair of hands. And given what later happens in regards to the Dark’s ritual, which then results in Gertrude’s death; Leitner gets scared back into his hole in the ground.

But hey, I guess things actually kind of worked out for ol’ Jurgen. Because like a year later, his son* (*allegedly, according to apparently no one but me) starts living in the Archives. It’s like he’s living in his son’s basement, he can just pop up for tea and say hi whenever. Maybe complain about all the bugs that keep crawling around. Or not, because Jürgen Leitner is a coward. But I 100% would not put it past him to shuffle his old bones up into the Archives to stand creepily at the edge of wherever Martin was sleeping and angst quietly at the sight of his son. It’s creepy, funny, and sad. Basically a peak TMA scenario right there.

Then Leitner gets brutally piped by Bouchard. Actually, can I say it like that? “Piped” isn’t some kind of... new-age slang for something, is it? God, I hope not. Anyways; Leitner isn’t just beat upside the head with a length of pipe, but literally pulped by Bouchard (or at the very least implied so), in a way that makes identifying the guy difficult enough that he remains a John Doe straight up until Elias confesses to the murder. Now, obviously there are plenty of reasons for this; given that both Daisy and Basira are familiar with the name Leitner, so presumably other sectioned officers would be as well; so there was at least a slim chance that whatever officer got sent to the Institute upon the discovery of the body might just recognize Leitner immediately. But, and sorry to sidetrack here, but there was just one thing that really stood out to me about Martin. One thing that always stuck with me, that for some reason was the main thing that made me thing Leitner could’ve been his dad.

Martin looks like his father, whoever that may or may not be. It is explicitly canon, that Martin looks like whoever his dad is. So wouldn’t it be better safe than sorry for Bouchard to beat Leitner to a pulp wherein no one could easily discern any major features of him once he was found. After all, it would make things rather messy and a bit too complicated if everyone who saw the body was like, “wow! That looks just like you, Martin.” So really, it’s for the best that not only did Bouchard kill Leitner, but he thoroughly did so. 

And so, I will end this already way to long of a ramble with the one thing that solidified me on this theory, and Spoilers for Season 5 of MAG, but... In MAG181 Salesa says, “Now you mention it, you actually remind me of Jurgen a bit. In his younger days of course.” to Martin. Of course, Martin did just shoot out a snappy one-liner about books, but... it’s the clarification of Jurgen “in his younger days”, that gets me. Mikaele could just have easily said something about Martin just “sounding” like Leitner. But the way this reads, and how it’s spoken, even, it seems more like someone that might’ve been looking at Martin for awhile, squinting at him as if he’s seen that face somewhere before, and then right when Martin mentions books, it finally clicks. After all, it would’ve been almost 20 years, or possibly more, since Salesa would have left Leitner’s employ.

So yeah, I admit this theory has a much weaker backbone then my Banks/Folger post, but... I just think it’s neat. And it’s another one of those things that actually doesn’t have any affect on the major plot whatsoever. I dunno, maybe it was meant to be some sort of subplot early on that got ditched or something? Point is, that’s all for now, and with any luck, I will never post another crack theory again, and the TMA tag can be safe from my ramblings once more.

[ya-like-space]

Oranges, A Warm Summer’s Breeze, and Home

Souji didn’t want to leave. In the short year he was there, Inaba had become his home. The only place he’d ever felt like he truly belonged. As he watched his friends and family grow farther and farther away from the train window, tears slowly started to run down his cheeks. He’s leaving behind the best thing that’s ever happened to him. When the platform was no more than a speck in the distance, Souji sat back in his seat. Closing his eyes, he drifts off to sleep.

 He wakes up hours later to a station announcement. Wiping the sleep from his eyes, he grabs his bag from the overhead. Stepping off the train, a rush of emotion hits him. It hadn’t been long since he’d been in Tokyo, but it felt like forever. It all felt wrong. A sense of unfamiliarity flowed throughout him as he walked through the busy streets. Compared to Inaba, everything was so much bigger. 

 Dreading walking into his parent’s apartment again, Souji stood outside the door, counting. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, ...10.  Upon reaching 10, he flung open the door. Duffel bag in hand, he raced quickly and quietly to his bedroom. His parents weren’t home, and wouldn’t be for another two days. Couldn’t even make it home to greet their own son. Setting his bag down, he flopped onto his bed. He didn’t want to unpack, knowing if he did, the reality of the situation would set in. Instead, he settled for glaring at all the boxes already in his room. They had arrived days prior. 

 He can still remember how hard it was for him to pack. A part of him wanted to leave everything there, exactly how it was, so when he came back it would all be the same. But the rational part of him had won out, and he called Yosuke over to help him. Though it probably hadn’t been necessary, Souji had wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. They had gotten all of the things he was taking with him packed in only an hour. Leaving them the rest of the day to spend with each other. Not wanting to be in his empty room anymore, Yosuke had suggested they take a walk to the Samegawa. Or at least, that’s what Souji thought was going to happen.

 Yosuke had confessed to him. Down by the riverbank, in the same place they had their fight. He had broken down when they got there, spilling his heart to Souji. Yosuke kissed him that day, arms looped around Souji’s back, hands in his hair. They walked home together hand in hand, tear tracks still visible on Yosuke’s cheeks.

 Souji already misses Inaba, and he’s barely been in Tokyo an hour. It wasn’t fair that he had to leave. That he had to go back to an empty apartment, to parents who were never home, to parents who used him, and a new school of people who don’t know what he’s been through. 

 That night, Souji dreamt of a warm embrace and a rushing river.

 Even though he really didn’t want to, Souji began unpacking his stuff. He started with the duffel bag, which was mostly empty. Other than a few changes of clothes, and his toiletries. 

 But when he opened the first box, instead of the muted black of the old t-shirt that Souji had thought would be on top, there was a rumpled lump of orange fabric on top, which was revealed to be a very familiar hoodie when he pulled it out of the box by one sleeve. It was one of Yosuke’s hoodies, the one he’d been wearing when he’d helped Souji pack up his room, in fact. Tears begin streaming down his face. Souji lifts the hoodie out of the box, burying his face in it. It smells like oranges, a warm summer's breeze, and home. He stays like this for a while, before attempting to compose himself. Flipping over the hoodie, he sees something that was previously hidden. A little pink sticky note, stuck to the underside of the cloth. 

  I’ll miss u partner <3

 That breaks him. Souji crumples into a ball on the floor, unable to stop sobbing. A good 10 minutes go by before he can even think again. When he finally manages to collect himself, he gets an idea. His parents arrive tomorrow, so he’ll have to leave early in the morning. He buys a one way ticket to Inaba, and repacks all of his things. This has to work. Before he goes to bed, he sends a text to Dojima, telling him about the plan. Dojima immediately agrees, telling Souji he’ll pick him up from the station tomorrow.

 Souji gets up the next morning, and writes a note to his parents. Placing it on the dining room table, it feels like a weight has been lifted from him. He walks back to the train station. On the ride back to Inaba, Souji wonders if he did the right thing. But then he looks down at the hoodie he slipped on that morning, before leaving. All doubts leave his mind at the first sight of orange. He rests his head against the window as the gentle rumbling of the train lulls him into a peaceful sleep.

 When he wakes, the conductor is announcing Yasoinaba Station is only minutes away. Souji grabs his duffel bag and moves to the other side of the train. It’s almost like coming here the first time, with the empty compartment and empty station. He meets Dojima outside, getting into the passenger seat of the car.

 “Hi.”

 Dojima turns his head to look at him. Ruffling Souji’s hair he smiles, “Hey there kiddo. It’s good to see you.”

 Souji smiles back at him.

 “It’s only been a day,” he pauses, his expression softening slightly, “but I missed you too, Uncle.”

 The drive back to the house is silent. But it’s the good kind of silence. The kind that calms you, and steadies your nerves. Souji’s half expecting to be bombarded by Nanako when they get inside, but instead, the house is dark. 

 “Nanako went to play at a friend’s house today. She should be home soon.”

 “Oh. Okay.”

 Souji had been excited to see his cousin, but he was fine with waiting. It would give him and his Uncle time to sort some things out.

 “Now. Souji. Are you sure you want to do this? Because if you are, 

I’m willing to do whatever needs to be done.”

 Dojima wasn’t an idiot. He had seen the signs of abuse in his nephew when he had first arrived in Inaba,  and as much as he would like to believe his sister wouldn’t do something like that, he knew it was true. And when Souji had sent him a message asking about  this, well, he couldn’t deny it anymore. He cared about Souji, and wanted him to be safe.

 “Yes. I’m sure. I don’t want to be a part of that family anymore, I don’t want to be treated like a doll, like I’m just there for their entertainment. I want to be here, with my real family.”

 “That’s all I needed to know. Now let’s get this paperwork filled out.”

 “Alright.”

 Nanako arrived home hours after they had finished filing everything out. Her face had lit up upon seeing Souji.

 “Big Bro!”

 She jumped into him, squeezing her arms around his middle.

“What are you doing here?”

 He smiles down at her.

 “I decided I’m not going back to the city.”

 “Yay!”

 The three of them spent that night redoing Souji’s room, and eating take-away. Souji had decided he was gonna surprise Yosuke tomorrow. His shift at Junes ended at 3, so all he had to do was show up after it was over.

 When Souji woke the next morning, Dojima was arguing with someone on the phone. Souji’s parents, most likely. He listened for a while, barely able to make out any of the words. They sounded angry, and he was glad that he didn’t have to deal with them. Dojima hung up the phone, finally noticing Souji.

 “Hm? Oh, good morning Souji.”

 “Are my parents angry?”

 Dojima nodded, motioning for Souji to sit.

 “They seem to think they own you, and that they reserve the right to control your every move.”

 His expression darkened.

 “Souji. You should’ve said something sooner.”

 “I know. But I was afraid too.”

 “Well, as long as you’re safe now.”

 Souji smiled softly, “Yeah. I am.”

 After speaking with his Uncle for a bit longer, and getting the last of the adoption papers filled, he headed to the Samegawa to kill time. It was a little hard getting there, since he nearly ran into Yukiko on the way. Souji wasn’t quite ready to tell the rest of the team he was in Inaba again, in case something went wrong. The only exception being Yosuke. He really wanted to see Yosuke again, but he had to wait. Souji spent the next few hours down by the riverbank, listening to the rushing water.

 Before he knew it, it was almost 3, and Souji made his way to Junes. His plan was to wait near the back entrance, where Yosuke parks his bike. That way, if someone he knew was in Junes, they wouldn’t see him.

  One minute. 30 seconds. 15 seconds. Now!  Yosuke walked through the door, right on time. At first, he didn’t notice Souji was there. But then he saw him standing, right next to his bike. Yosuke barreled into him, laughing happily.

 “Souji! What are you doing here?”

But then Souji said the best thing Yosuke had heard all day.

 "I'm not going," suddenly Souji had him pushed up against a wall, and was kissing him. It wasn't a gentle kiss either, it was hard and demanding and so full of need that Yosuke started to feel a little dizzy.

 "W-what?" he managed to stutter, utterly bewildered by the turn of events.

 "Tell me you love me," Souji requested.

 Now Yosuke definitely wasn’t expecting that, his face flushing a deep red. Souji was looking at him, but the look in his eyes was something Yosuke had never seen before. Something like panic, or desperation. For some reason Souji had come all the way back to Inaba, and the least Yosuke could do was grant this small request.

 "I love you, Souji.”

 Souji practically squeezed him to death in a hug, burying his face in the side of Yosuke's neck with a noise that sounded suspiciously like a sob.

 "Say it again," he repeated, voice muffled by Yosuke's shirt. Yosuke grinned, feeling warmth flow throughout him.

 "I love you," he sighed, wrapping his arms around Souji in return.

  There’s that smell again. Souji breathed in deeply. Oranges, a warm summer's breeze, and home.

Home.

He’s finally home.

@souyoweek2020​ Day 6 | scent

One more day! I've had the idea for this fic in my head, ever since I finished the game for the first time. I always thought there should've been an ending where Souji got to stay in Inaba. This ended up being a tad bit heavier then i wanted, but it kind’ve took on a life of its own while I was writing it. 

[noperopesaredope]

TSYHitD Chapter 11: Part 1

Hi, so, I haven’y finished the 11th chapter of my main fic yet, and it’s been a couple of months. I’m getting there, but I also have some other stuff and am both passionate and not passionate about it. So, I decided to put the first part of it on here, since I’ve got a lot of it (and yet so little) of it done. Here’s the first 10 chapters of the fic in case you want to read them: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29912421/chapters/73620945

[This chapter starts earlier than last chapter, just after the first automaton attack, then it continues to follow the rest of the episode. I didn’t plan this correctly, but it works. This is gonna be a big boy.]

[Excluding Varian’s POV, everyone’s POV in this chapter is gonna be in third person because I’m just tired and this is a long chapter. I just started writing in third person and couldn’t stop, so now everyone is gonna be in third person. Except for Varian. For stylistic reasons.]

[Rated C for cursing]

(Sidenote, I forgot that Varian isn’t here right now and comes in literally right after where this drops off. Sorry. I’ll add more later. At some point)

But anyways, I present part 1 of chapter 11 of my fic, The Sounds You Hear in the Dark!:

~Rapunzel’s POV~

Rapunzel felt a bit shell shocked. She had just been attacked by a giant robot. Scratch that, she had just been attacked by an AUTOMATON. And there was only one other person in all of Corona who had ever seen one. And that person was one emotionally unstable, possibly delusional genius engineer who hated her and was on the run from the law. This realization slowly came to Rapunzel as she stared at the machine down below.

It was...a lot to think about. It felt like she hadn’t slept in days, ever since she had that dream, the dream that changed everything. Conflicting thoughts and feelings ran through her head like flies feasting upon a dead rat. A gruesome description indeed, but an accurate one, since she felt a bit like a dead rat. On the one hand, Rapunzel felt incredibly guilty about Varian, and was more than a little worried about him. But on the other hand, he had just attacked her, and knowing him and their last conversation, he was planning something. No matter how much she loathed the idea, Rapunzel needed to tell her dad. She just hoped it wouldn’t go as badly as all the other times.

-----

Rapunzel slammed open the doors to the throne room and marched inside, halting the conversation in its tracks. A bit of a demanding way to grab everyone’s attention, but it was necessary. Rapunzel’s father stood up, probably a bit annoyed, if not offended, but Rapunzel honestly didn’t care. She was going to be heard, no matter what it took.

“We already know Varian was behind the attack,” Rapunzel announced, “the real question is, what was he trying to achieve, and more importantly, what is he planning to do next?” A look of frustration crossed her father’s face before disappearing, replaced with a more stern look that was ready to scold her or talk down to her, a look she was getting really tired of. She already had to deal with this far too much when it came to Gothel, and even that didn’t feel quite as demeaning (at least, not in the moment) as this did.

“That boy is dangerous, and I assure you he will pay dearly,” Rapunzel’s father said in an almost ominous manner. Oh no, it was gonna be one of THOSE arguments again. Rapunzel had to hold herself back from facepalming or even shouting, knowing fully well that that wouldn’t help her. “Listen, Dad, last time I saw him, Varian was paranoid and angry at us, and this attack is proof that he is willing to act on those feelings. And speaking of which, we never got to talk about him being paranoid. He mentioned some pretty interesting things to me, some stuff about your whole ‘keeping big secrets’ thing and the fact that you may have put him under house arrest for literally no reason. What might that have been about?”

The king paused for a moment, seemingly processing what she just said. “So he did. Well, I will admit that we were somewhat aware he was a potential threat early on, so we may have...neutralized it.” Rapunzel was stunned. A smoke bomb in their psychic battle of wills, catching her completely off guard. She honestly had no clue how to respond or what to say. She never really dealt with these kinds of plot twists all that well, especially ones with such horrifying implications.

“I will admit, you’re right about one thing,” her father sighed. Rapunzel felt a flicker of hope well up inside her and she calmed down slightly. “That boy is willing to act on his paranoia and anger. But that is why I believe him to be so dangerous to you,” he began, and Rapunzel suddenly felt that little flicker of hope get buried in metaphorical sand. “That is why I must do this. I officially declare that as long as Varian remains a threat, you are to remain locked in your room.” WHAT THE FU-

(I know Raps is legally not allowed to curse, but this is an AU in which she knows a few, she just doesn’t really use them)

-----

~Eugene’s POV~

‘Well that could have gone a heck of a lot better,’ Eugene thought before turning to his royal majesty to give him a stern talking to. Unlike Rapunzel, Eugene had a fantastic skill called ‘being willing to tell someone what’s what’, and oh boy was he ready to use it.

“How is this any different than what Gothel did?! Honestly! How is it any different?! Explain to me! Because I’m really not understanding why you would LOCK HER IN A TOWER WHILE KNOWING WHAT SHE’S GONE THROUGH!” Eugene shouted. “I know this may be hard to understand, but you must realize that I had no choice,” the king tried to explain. “Wha- Of course you had a choice! You’re the king! You can’t just keep her up there!”

Regret flashed across the king’s face before his expression hardened. “I must do whatever it takes to keep Rapunzel safe from harm!” Eugene turned away for a moment in frustration, before announcing “you know, this is probably the most harmful, dangerous thing anyone has ever done to her, and you’re the one who’s inflicting that harm.” Then he walked away, leaving the king to reflect on everything.

~Queen Arianna’s POV~

Queen Arianna was conflicted. She loved her husband, but sometimes he could be a bit...frustrating, and unimaginably stubborn. It was also unfortunate that their daughter just so happened to have a bit of a stubborn streak as well. So here she was, trying to mediate between two people who were both technically right in their reasoning, but largely unwilling to listen, both stuck in their ways, their own heads. 

It was hard, trying to be the referee, as when it came to family arguments, if both sides were trying to win rather than come to a middle ground, both would lose. And in this case, both sides were very much trying to win. At least Arianna was an experienced diplomate, though it was annoying that she needed to use her skills on her own family.

First she would need to confront her husband, the harder task. He would require a gentle approach, possibly a bit of buttering to get him to focus on her, before she could carefully slip in the topic. Arianna knew him well enough to know that he would jump right into an explanation the moment she would bring it up, so she would have to listen to him talk for a bit and wear himself out. Then she could come in with her defense, get him to consider Rapunzel’s feelings on the matter and how it will affect her in the long run. Maybe convince him to have another talk with his daughter, listen to her and how she feels?

It would be a tricky thing, getting Fredrick out of his own head, but Arianna could try.

Arianna stepped into their shared bedroom, her husband standing by the window, looking outside with a sad expression. She closed the door behind her, the light sound of the shut declaring her presence, causing Fredrick to turn to her. “My love,” he greeted, smiling slightly. “Hello dear,” Arianna replied lovingly, waiting for a beat just in case Fredrick gave her a good opportunity to start the talk in a way that would go at least somewhat according to plan. “How are you feeling?” he asked. Jackpot! Arianna’s brain did a fistpump, but she externally maintained her composure. 

“A little tired. A lot has been happening the past few days,” she said as she sat down in one of their chairs, Fredrick walking over to sit next to her, “and the recent attack hasn’t really helped matters.” Putting it on a bit thick, aren’t you Ari? She suddenly wished she had done that a bit better, but it was a little too late for that. She would just have to work around any potential fretting that might come her way.

“I’m sorry. However, you need not worry. The boy will be brought to justice,” Fredrick assured her. Ah. That wasn’t a good sign. She’d have to deal with that later. But for now, she’d have to just press down her dread and push on. Arianna nodded her head and tried her best to look relieved in a way that would make it look like she was trying to hide her relief. She looked back at her husband and became a bit more serious.

“I heard what happened earlier with Rapunzel.” Set the bait. Fredrick sighed. “I just want to protect her. But she never listens to me! She doesn’t understand that everything I do is to keep her safe! I just...don’t want to lose her again.” So that’s what this was all about. Arianna watched sadly as she saw hurt and regret flash across Fredrick’s eyes. She was forced to pause for a moment, desperately trying to push down her own painful memories of nightmare filled nights, sobbing herself to sleep, wishing on thousands of stars for her little girl to come home, the sounds of a baby screaming and crying filling her ears…

Still, a memory managed to escape; about a month after Rapunzel was taken, Arianna privately bought herself a little baby doll. A bit childish, sure, but she couldn’t help herself. The day she got it, she wrapped it up in a little blanket (a gift from the baby shower) and just...held it for a while, walking around what was going to be her little girl’s room. Arianna couldn’t help but hum to her little doll, and eventually, she found herself crying. She broke down at the time, and had to take a rest afterwards. Those little moments used to happen on occasion. Arianna felt her eyes getting wet just thinking about it.

She quickly wiped her eyes, and took her husband’s hand. “We missed a lot, didn’t we?” she said, sniffling for a second and looking down at her lap. “She grew up without us. But that’s the thing, isn’t it? She’s all grown up.” Arianna forced herself to take a deep breath in. “She’s turning nineteen today. She’s an adult now. And we need to learn how to accept that. We can’t always protect her. She already knows how to take care of herself. Besides, Rapunzel’s been through a lot and had her wings clipped enough times to be able to tell the difference between protection and captivity. We’re not the only ones with baggage. Her’s just so happens to go against ours. We need to time about her pain. Because if we start treating her like how she’s been treated for the first eighteen years of her life, no matter the reason, she’ll start to see us the same way she remembers Gothel.”

Arianna finally turned back to her husband, who looked at her with a...conflicted expression. “I don’t want her to see us that way. Please just talk to her. And this time, just listen. Don’t think up a response while she talks, don’t interrupt, none of that. Just listen to what she’s saying.” Arianna stood up, squeezed his hand, and walked out to give him a while to think about it. That conversation hadn’t gone exactly according to plan, but it achieved its purpose.

-----

Now she just needed to deal with the other side of the argument. Rapunzel was a bit easier to talk to than Fredrick. She was also stubborn, but was good at listening to any third parties when approached by someone who wasn’t siding with the opposition. If you approached her right, she would immediately take time to listen and pay attention. Rapunzel would probably go right into explaining her frustration and vent for a bit, but immediately listen when her mother began an explanation.

The nice part was that though Rapunzel inherited a bit of her father’s stubbornness, she also inherited her mother’s diplomacy and ability to pick up on others’ behaviors and emotions. Or maybe it was because she had the misfortune to be raised by a narcissist her entire life. Maybe that’s where she got so many of her more seemingly positive traits.

It was sad, how badly the kidnapper had damaged their minds, even in death controlling their actions and thoughts. But they could be brave. They could move forward. They could be a happier family than they’d ever been.

[raplinesmoon]

Omg! I’m a dental student. I just finished my first year. I loved your BTS as dental specialities. Do you have any advice? Like school has been a struggle with it being online due to the pandemic?

OMG OMG OMG HIIIIIIII 😁

this ask made me so happy to see that I wanted to answer it as soon as I got it.

First of all, congrats on finishing your very first year of dental school! That’s an amazing accomplishment, and you should be proud of all the hard work you out in this year! I’m not sure if you have any specific questions, so I’ll try to tackle a couple of different areas. Gonna put a cut bc this might get long:

I think dentistry has changed a lot with the pandemic to be honest. I see it all the time as a 4th year in clinic. Online school is so tough because dentistry is such a technical specialty and requires building those fine motor skills in order to be able to treat patients. It’s hard to do that when you are stuck in online class all day. In terms of building up those hand skills, I would do hand exercises (you can look them up online), and I also bought myself grip trainers (like kids use) when I was taking notes, and that helped in terms of gaining that grip you need to handle instruments. I’m also extra and there are at home lab set ups you can buy, so I bought a typodont and would drill on that.

Mentally, it’s also tough being online for school. So much of our job revolves around patient interactions and building those connections; and I just remember that coming back and finally seeing patients took a toll on me because I almost forgot how to interact with people. I would say talk to your professors, text your classmates, build those connections early on! So much of the work we do is highly collaborative and about being teachers and helpers.

To further expand on that, the one biggest piece of advice I can offer about being in dental school, online or not, is to always be humbled by your own humanity. It can be a highly competitive environment where a lot of low morale and burnout goes unchecked. Just remember that no matter how much it may seem like people are ahead, we’re all seeing this material for the first time most likely. It’s all new to everyone, so don’t feel discouraged if it takes you longer to adapt and learn. I think being able to know why you do what you’re doing is more important than just doing it for a grade or to pass of some sort. My failures have taught me the most in dental school, even more than any triumph, and the biggest thing they’ve taught me is that it’s okay to be human. Be excited and passionate about what you’re doing, it’ll make you an even better clinician. But also, recognize that being a dental student is only part of who you are. You’re an incredible human with a lot to offer and to be valued, so don’t let go of those other parts of yourself. Spend time outside, with friends and family, continue with hobbies, make sure you have a really good self care routine in place because you can’t take care of others unless you’re taking care of yourself. You can do it!

Also, final piece of advice: go easy on your muscles pls pls pls practice good posture and sleeping positions and resting postions. Ergonomics is understressed but is so important when it comes to maintaining your health, so stay active and do yoga or something that keeps you moving and your muscles happy! I’ve had to deal with so much neck and back pain brought on from working hunched over that I’ve been to multiple physiotherapists and chiropractors, so please take your posture seriously!! Your hands and spine and eyes are your most valuable tool!

This was long, but it makes me so happy to have someone to talk to this stuff about. If you have any specific questions or just want to chat, my inbox is always open 😊

[snow-lavender]

The Last Day of Sanity

AKA, “Ahh, there’s the bitch”

Word Count: 10959

Yeah so this one maybe got away from me in terms of length. But I’m also really proud of it, and proud of getting it done. Thank you for reading if you do!

Warnings:  suicidal impulses, discussion of suicide, apparent (but not actual) suicide, mild blood and gore, hospitals, talks of institutionalization, ableism and derogatory language toward those with psychosis and similar conditions, violence (though not very described, mostly implied), and apparent character death. (It's Say Goodbye, so, y'know. Fun times.)

AO3 Link Here

Seán was staring at his ceiling. That wasn’t exactly rare these days. 

His head was pounding, just like it had been for the last week. His hands were shaking. He couldn’t get warm. He couldn’t focus. Sometimes, when it was especially bad, he could barely string together a sentence.

Simply put, he was a wreck.

Something flickered at the edge of his vision. When he looked, there was Robin, covered in blood and stab wounds. He didn’t move, just stood by the closet, staring at him. 

His breath hitched for a moment, but he forced it back under control. Pushing up to sit, he tried to calm down. “One, two, three, four.” he muttered as he inhaled. He repeated this as he held, exhaled, held.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

When he opened his eyes, Robin was still there, a few feet closer. He closed his eyes and tried again.

One, two, three, four.

It’s not real.

One, two, three, four.

It’s not.

He looked again. Robin was looming over him now. “Fuck it,” he muttered, pulling out his phone and snapping a picture of Robin's face.

To: I’m a Cat Man: hey s there anythibg there

A second later, he got a reply.

From: I’m a Cat Man: Nope, you’re all good.

To: I’m a Cat Man: Thx

Sure enough, when he looked back up, he was alone again. Laying back down, he spoke aloud. “Really, man? I know you can only do one of these a day. Why blow it this early in the morning?”

As expected, Scáth didn’t reply.

Seán sighed and closed his eyes again. This whole thing wasn’t exactly uncommon. Something about Halloween made it stronger, and brought out its more sadistic streak. He was used to that; he’d been dealing with it for twenty-some years. But this year was worse than it had ever been. Normally, it was just shadows at the edge of his vision, hearing things that weren’t there, maybe three or four nightmares about his family getting horrifically murdered. This was the first year Scáth had been able to create full-blown hallucinations. 

Fucking family curse.

His stomach growled. Seán groaned, but pushed himself out of bed. If he really focused, he might be able to put up a front long enough to make some coffee and cereal. And then go back to bed and nap until he needed to record. 

At least this year, he had some help. Marvin had seen him collapse last week, when he’d had his first hallucination. After hours of non-stop prodding, he’d finally weaseled out the truth. That made exactly one person on the planet that knew he was still dealing with this shit.

Back when he was a kid, he’d told his family about the voices and the shadows. The next few years had been frantic, trying to find some sort of “cure”. He’d eventually decided to stop being such a stressor and just fake being better.

After that, he managed to strike up a sort of symbiosis with Scáth. They would talk occasionally. He tried to indulge it every now and then; it must be boring being stuck in the head of some depressed asshole, after all. And in response, Scáth had been a bit more lenient in recent years. He’d thought maybe they were finally sort-of getting along.

Apparently, that wasn’t the case. 

Jackie looked up from his textbook. “Oh hey, you’re finally up! Took you long enough.”

“Mhm.” Seán just walked over to the counter and put on a pot of coffee. He opened up the cupboard. Did he have enough energy to make oatmeal?

Jackie looked at him curiously. “Are you okay? You look pretty out of it.”

“Hmm?” Seán looked up. “What’d you say?”

Jackie stood up from the table and walked over to him. “Seriously, dude. What's up? You look like shit.”

“Feel like shit.” he replied, rubbing at his face. “I must’ve caught a bug or something. I’m dealing with it.”

“How’d you catch anything? You never leave the house!” Jackie said, smirking. 

Seán shoved him playfully. “Alright, alright.” He pulled back. “Really, Jackie, I’m okay. I’ll take some Tylenol or something. Don’t worry about it.” 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” No. This was only going to get worse. But he didn’t want to bother the others with it. He’d dealt before; he could deal now.

Jackie still looked a little skeptical. “Okay, I guess. Yell if you need anything?”

“Yeah, of course. I’m gonna go work, see ya.”

Seán walked out of the kitchen, coffee in hand, and nearly collapsed against the wall. Fuck. He needed a nap before he recorded, but none of the stuff was done up for today yet. He groaned into his mug and started the trek back upstairs. 20 minutes. He could rush out a thumbnail in 20 minutes and then he could sleep. Maybe. 

Belatedly, he realized he never actually ate anything. Oh well. The day was already started, and he was not walking back down those stairs again. 

Only four more weeks left of the month.

Fuck his life.

>=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=<

“I’m gonna stay on my fucking bongos! Yeah!” Seán smiled, leaning back. “That should be all good, Robin, but tell me if the audio levels need tweaking.” With that, he leaned forward and turned off the camera. The game was much better than the last two, he had to give it that. Still not as good as the first, though. He clicked upload, putting the footage in his dropbox.

The cockroaches swarming his arm chittered. He looked down at them and sighed. “You done?” he asked, brushing them off. He ground a few under his feet for good measure, then got up and headed to the kitchen. 

Marvin and Henrik were there already, testing another one of Hen’s hypotheses. Something about manipulating objects and line of sight, he wasn’t sure on the details. Seán ducked under the floating twigs and grabbed some yogurt. He frowned when he heard a thump behind him. Turning around, he asked, “You guys okay-”

Both men were on the floor. Marvin was gurgling, his throat slit. Henrik was motionless, a bleeding hole in his forehead. A man with a knife stood over them, face shadowed.

Seán dropped his bowl with a clatter. He backed up against the wall. “No, no, no,” he panted. “What did you- Who are you?”

The man turned to him, head cocking in curiosity. Then he took a step forward.

“Get away from me!” Seán shrieked, grabbing a steak knife off the counter and holding it out in front of himself. “Don’t come any closer!”

The man didn’t listen. He strode forward, reaching toward Seán. Seán screamed as the man grabbed him. “No, please!”

“Seán!”

He lowered his hands, and suddenly Henrik was knelt in front of him. “Seán, look at me, try to breathe.” Henrik spoke slowly, reassuringly.

“What...Schneep?” Seán glanced back to the center of the room. “But you were...where did…”

“Look at me.” Henrik said. “Just focus here.” He set a hand on Seán’s forehead. “You feel warm. You did not actually recover from that virus, did you?”

“...No.”

“I see.” Henrik stood up. “I will run out to the pharmacy. Marvin, watch Seán.” He stalked out of the kitchen, muttering to himself. 

Marvin slowly sat down next to Seán, who had buried his face in his hands. He pulled off his mask and ran a hand through his hair. “Bad one?”

Seán didn’t speak for a moment, instead leaning into Marvin’s side. “Yeah…”

There was silence for a while longer. Eventually, Seán spoke up again. “That was the second one today.”

“What? I thought you said-”

“I did. It’s never been able to do that before.”

Marvin rubbed at his face. “Fuck, man. What should we do?”

“Dunno.”

Marvin bit his lip. “I know what you said before, but maybe we should find someone else. I’m kinda out of my depth here.” “Mhm...”

“Have you thought about maybe getting an exorci-”

“No!”

Seán pulled away from Marvin. “No, please, I can’t..I can’t do that again. Please don’t make me.”

Marvin reeled back, surprised. “Are you okay?”

Seán shook his head. “I don’t- we can’t. Please don’t. They hurt so much.”

“Hey, it was just an idea.” Marvin leaned back against the counter. “What d’you suggest, then?”

Seán didn’t reply. He was too focused on steadying his breathing again. “I can’t see an exorcist.” he repeated.

Marvin looked worried. “Okay, I got it, jeez.” He shuffled away from Seán a bit. “Now what?”

“I don’t know.”

>=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=< 

Things only got worse from there.

The hallucinations got more frequent and more violent. Seán was trying to weather them, but he was often bedridden with nausea now, and there was no distraction in his room. 

He knew Jackie and Henrik were getting suspicious. Hen had prescribed something stronger after the first week, some sort of antibiotic. Seán had just been flushing them down the toilet. He didn’t want a fucked up immune system on top of all this. 

Which led to now, the four of them all sitting together in the living room. Seán couldn’t stop fidgeting, and he could see Marvin glancing at the others, concerned. He sucked in a breath, scrunched his shoulders, and spoke. 

“I’m cursed.”

Jackie and Henrik both squinted at him. “Come again?” Henrik asked.

Seán closed his eyes. “My family’s got a curse and I got stuck with it and this thing is always haunting me and usually it’s fine but it gets worse in October but not this bad so this is unusual and I keep hallucinating and I feel like shit I’m sorry.” He looked back up.

Jackie looked both confused and on edge, like he usually did around new magic. Henrik, on the other hand, looked perfectly neutral. “I think I maybe misheard, Jack, you said you were cursed and haunted? This is why you have been so off lately?”

Seán nodded. “I don’t know why it’s so much worse this year. It won’t talk to me either, I’ve only seen what it shows me. It’s like it’s...I don’t know. Acting like it’s angry at me or something?”

“And this is normal for you? This talking to it and seeing it?”

“Yeah.” Seán frowned. “I feel like that’s not really the important part here though? I just wanted to let you guys know why I’m all messed up right now. Marvin and I are trying to figure it out.” He waved an arm in Marvin’s direction.

Henrik turned sharply. “You are?”

Marvin glared back. “Just cause I’m not gifted in healing doesn’t mean I can’t help.” He exhaled. “It’s a little hard to research. But I’m getting some wards and potions and stuff. That should keep it under control.”

“I see.”

Jackie broke in, “How can I help, though? I mean, obviously I’m useless with the magic stuff, but there’s gotta be something I can do, right? You’re also just sick, so I could help with food and cleaning and shit.”

“And what about a doctor?’ Henrik asked.

“Are you serious?” Marvin replied, standing up. “Your friend just told you he’s been dealing with something that would drive a lesser man insane, and you’re so focused on your pride that you get upset he didn’t come to you?”

“In case you didn’t notice, I said ‘a doctor’. Not ‘me’.” Henrik pushed himself up as well. “This has nothing to do with my pride.”

“Guys, please.” Seán said, rubbing at his eyes. “It’s a magic thing, Hen, a doctor isn’t going to help. They sure as shit didn’t help when I was a kid.”

“Well, then they were a bad doctor.” Henrik walked over and sat next to Seán. “Please Jack, let me call a taxi. It’s a Thursday, the emergency room won’t be busy.” he pleaded, resting an arm on his shoulder.

Seán leaned into it. “I’ll be okay. October’s half over anyway, this’ll be done after Halloween. I can deal with it,” he said, smiling.

Henrik looked like he wanted to say more, but Seán got up before he could. “I’m gonna try to get some sleep. Night all.”

Jackie trailed behind him. “You need help up the stairs?”

“No, I’ve got it, thanks.” Seán gave him a side-hug. “Don’t worry about me, it’s supposed to be the other way around.” 

Jackie snorted. “You’re not my fuckin’ dad.”

“Ehh, dad, guardian who’s known you three months, potaeto, potahto.” Seán ruffled Jackie’s hair. “Night, doofus.”

“Night, goober.”

>=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=< 

Scáth was in his fucking videos.

Seán stared in horror at his monitor. He’d noticed some sort of buzz on Tumblr earlier in the month, but today something had gotten everybody excited enough that the tag was trending. That made him work up the energy to log on; he’d been too tired for social media otherwise. He’d been greeted with an overload of gifs and art, all of some weird, glitchy demon version of himself. 

In retrospect, Robin’s text about ‘extra editing’ made sense now.

“What the fuck!?”

Seán looked around his room wildly. “Scáth!” he yelled. “What the everloving shit? What have you done?”

There was no answer. He slumped back in his seat. Maybe it was lack of sleep or something, but he started crying. The channel was his safe place, his people, and now this thing was trying to worm into it. He hated it. He hated it, and he hated how terrible he felt, and he hated this stupid curse. More tears rolled down his face, faster than he could rub them away.

There was a knock at the door. “Jack?” Henrik asked. “I heard you yelling from downstairs. Is all okay?”

When he didn’t answer, Henrik opened the door and came in. Taking in Seán’s state, he gently pulled him out of the chair and into a hug on the floor. “Is okay, my friend. It will be alright.” Seán hugged him tighter, unable to stop crying. 

They sat there for some time, Henrik rubbing his back and calmly reassuring him. Seán burrowed into his arms. Hen’s shirt smelled like lavender, and soon he could feel his tears soaking into it. He didn’t move though. The embrace was warm, safe and grounding, just what he needed. Henrik was good at that, physically comforting in exactly the right way, 

“What happened?” Henrik eventually asked.

“Scáth is getting into my videos somehow.”

“You saw something in your videos?”

Seán nodded. “I’m so sick of this.”

Henrik pulled back. “Do you want to speak of something else? Have other things been happening?”

“I don’t know. I just feel like I’m always being watched, y’know? Then I keep seeing things out of the corner of my eye but I don’t know if they’re visions or just my imagination. And I keep losing time? Like I zone out and suddenly it’s ten minutes later.” He shuddered. “I don’t know if that’s it, like, possessing me or something.”

Henrik nodded. “Are you ever aware of that? Having a feeling like something else is controlling your body?” he continued.

Seán snorted bitterly. “God, don’t give him ideas,” he said, closing his eyes. He could still feel the tears dripping out of them, slow and sluggish.

“And do you feel like your thoughts are all out of order?”

“I mean yeah, I guess, but I think I’m just tired…” The situation clicked, and Seán stiffened. “Henrik, are you trying to fucking diagnose me? What the hell?” he snapped.

Henrik pulled away fully, looking affronted. “Jack, this is a serious situation. What you have-”

“What I have isn’t something you would have studied! Did you not believe me this entire time?”

“I...what you are experiencing feels real to you, I do not mean to trivialize that. But this...it is dangerous to write off all scientific help, Jack. A professional could help you figure out what this is.”

Seán glared at him. “I know what it is. I told you.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “Is this what you’ve been wanting to talk with me about the last few days? Is that all you came up here for?”

Henrik tried to reach out again, but Seán swatted his hand away. “No, of course not! I was worried about you!”

“Yeah, cause you think I’m fucking crazy!” Seán scooted away from him. “Fuck off!”

“Seán, I-”

“Leave me alone!”

Henrik paused, but then stood up. “Alright. Please, call one of the others if you need anything.” He walked out of the room, but stopped in the doorway. “I am sorry. For overstepping.”

Seán didn’t answer, so Henrik left and closed the door behind him. For some reason, he did a one-eighty in the hallway and tried to come back in, but by then Seán had already summoned a gust of air to turn the lock. Eventually, Henrik gave up and went downstairs. 

When he was sure Hen was gone, Seán pushed up and headed to the bathroom. He could feel something sticky and flaky clinging to his cheeks. 

>=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=<

He pointedly ignored the book about schizophrenia on the coffee table the next morning.

>=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=< 

“Hey, you in there?”

Seán groaned, pulling his pillow off his head. Marvin stood in the doorway, holding a steaming cup of...well, he hoped it was coffee, but the logical side of him knew it wasn’t.

“Dude, you can see me, what d’you mean, ‘you in there’?”

Marvin sat down across from where he was laying, putting the mug on the side table. “You never know, it could’ve been like yesterday.”

Seán pushed himself up, shakily, until he was sitting against the headboard. “Huh? What happened yesterday?”

“You went unresponsive for a while, remember?”

“No.”

Marvin bit his lip. “Oh. Well, you did. Just sat there staring for like, eight hours. None of us could get you to react to anything.”

Seán couldn’t think of a response to that beyond, “Fuck.” He gestured to the mug. “What is it this time?”

Marv leaned back. “Chamomile and Valerian, mostly. Tried to cast some charms on it, but we’ll have to see about those.”

Seán peered down into it, looking at the three lumps sitting in the draught. “And...marble?”

“Nah, just pebbles from the creek.”

“If those break apart and I get a mouthful of sand, I’m punching you.”

“Quit bitching and drink it already.” Marvin sat up. “Oh, I brought some Ibuprofen, too. It’s been six hours, right?” he asked, pulling two tablets from his shirt pocket. 

“Yeah, thanks.” Seán reached over to grab them. He pulled a mouthful of liquid from the cup and shook it around the room quickly to cool it, before drinking it out of the air to swallow the pills. 

“Well, at least your magic’s more under control?”

“Mhm,” Seán replied, taking a sip from the cup. “Still crazy nauseous though.”

“Well, Henrik could have something for that…” Marvin said, trailing off as Seán stiffened. He folded his arms. “You two are going to have to make up eventually.”

“Coming from you.”

Marvin scowled. “Hey, that’s different!” He fiddled with a strand of hair. “You two are close, I...look, just, he cares about you. Don’t fuck that up.”

Seán sighed. “Can we not do this right now? Please? My head’s hurting like a bitch”

“I guess.” Marvin stood up, brushing off his pants. “I’ve got to run to the store. Let me know if that one helps more than the others, yeah?”

“Will do.” Seán answered, burrowing back under his blankets.

Marvin flicked off the lights as he left, and Seán turned to block out noise with his pillow again. Before he could, however, there was a light knock on the door.

He pushed himself back up to a sitting position. “Did’ja need something else- oh. Hey, Jackie.”

The teen pushed in further at the acknowledgement. “Hey Jack.” He wavered by the side of the bed until Seán patted the spot next to him. Looking relieved, he sat down.

“What’s up?”

“I don’t know, just...how are you feeling?”

“Okay, I guess. Why?”

Jackie exhaled shakily. He fidgeted a bit in place. “I..”

Seán caught on and opened up his arms. Jackie immediately fell into them and started crying. “Last night was horrible,” he said between sobs. “I thought you were gone. I thought you were going to be a vegetable and we’d have to put you in the hospital. I thought at any moment you might just stop breathing. I never want to deal with that again.”

Seán tightened his hug. “Jackie, I’m so sorry,” he mumbled.

“You just stopped talking in the middle of a sentence and wouldn’t move. Nothing I did would get you to wake up. I tried shaking you and screaming at you and Hen tried pinching and prodding you and Marvin tried spells and nothing worked. Eventually we had to keep on doing normal stuff with you just sat there and that was even worse. It was...we couldn’t…” Jackie burrowed his face into Seán’s neck. “I was so scared,” he whispered. 

Seán stared at the opposite wall. “I had no idea.” 

“Huh?” 

“I didn’t know, I thought I just slept through yesterday afternoon.  I don’t even remember going downstairs. Marv mentioned something but-oh God.” He closed his eyes, feeling tears rolling down his cheeks. “I don’t remember.”

Jackie sobbed again. “No no no no-”

Seán didn’t reply. He just felt numb. Hallucinations, panic attacks, fainting, all of those he could deal with. They were awful, but they were over with quick enough and then he could get back to normal. But this, completely checking out, for hours at a time?

What happened to my soul during that? Where was I?

Seán was snapped back into the present when he heard Jackie hyperventilating.

“Woah, hey, Jay, look at me.” He pulled back and lifted up Jackie’s face. “You’re okay. I’m okay.”

Jackie shook off his hand. “Are you though?”

Seán’s breath hitched. Jackie rubbed at his face, shuffling back a bit. “What if this doesn’t stop after Halloween? What if you just keep getting worse and worse until…” He didn’t finish the sentence, but they both knew what he meant.

“I won’t.” Seán said firmly. “He’ll be gone after Samhain, I promise. That’s how it works.”

Jackie looked unsure, but didn’t argue. 

“And I mean, failing that, we could just end it all.” Seán shrugged.

Jackie reeled back. “What?!”

“Kill myself. End it. Just stop. No more of this and I get control of the situation.” Seán leaned back with a smile. “Wouldn’t that be nice? No responsibility, no pain, no anything. Just nothingness and an empty body left over.” 

“What are you talking about?”

He looked over. “Wouldn’t that be nice?” he repeated. “I bet you’d really enjoy it.”

Jackie got up off the bed. “I’m getting Henrik. Something’s wrong.”

Humming contemplatively, he got up as well. Jackie backed away from him, bristling. He turned and rummaged around in his bedside table. “It’s a shame you’re wearing a green hoodie today. We could have had a nice Deadpool scenario going on. That’s what you want, right? To be a superhero.” He pulled out the large butcher’s knife. “When you mix green and red, you just get a gross lookin’ brown.” 

Jackie bolted for the door. He’d almost reached it when a gust of air slammed it shut. He tried the doorknob, but quickly pulled away. “Ow! What the fuck?” He cradled his burnt hand as the knob glowed, then began to slowly melt. Jackie turned back to Him in horror. He smiled. The teen was so scared and desperate, it was hilarious. Even funnier, though, was the sadness in his eyes. That’s what came with loss and grief, right? How silly, he wasn’t gone! He grabbed the teen’s shoulder, throwing him to the floor. He knelt over him, a knee on his chest to keep him down. “Hello!”

Jackie was crying now, breaths coming uneven and whiny. “Why, what, who are you?” he gasped.

He hummed. “Let’s see, how to do this.” He looked over at the knife in his hands. “I don’t think this can get through a skull. Chest it is!” He grinned. “You’ll like it! Empty and painless and out of my way.”

He stabbed. Jackie screamed.

He stabbed, Jackie screamed.

He stabbed, Jackie screamed.

He stabbed, Jackie whimpered.

He stabbed. Jackie didn’t respond.

He looked up. The door was open. Someone else screamed.

Standing in the entrance were two other men, the magician and the doctor. More fun!

He stood up, allowing Henrik to run to Jackie. Marvin raised his hands, and vines sprouted around His arms, binding them together. 

Henrik frantically buzzed around Jackie, attempting to stem the bleeding, calling 999, turning him on his side into recovery position. “You’re too late,” He spoke up helpfully. “He’s all cleaned out. Nice and empty and gone!”

Henrik kept trying to find a pulse, started CPR as Marvin stood by, horrified. It took a very long time, (frankly He was rather bored by the end of it) but eventually the doctor stopped. “Herr Gott nochmal...” Henrik looked up at the magician, eyes full of tears. “I couldn’t...he’s…” A sob cut him off as he buried his face in his hands. Marvin fell to his knees, expressionless.

“Are you done?” He burned through his plant-handcuff, rubbing at His wrists. 

Both men turned to look at Him, furious. “What the fuck have you done?” Marvin yelled at him. The magician strode forward, eyes glowing. “You’re goddamn insane! We should have kicked you out after your first hallucination, you psycho!”

“You can’t kick me out, the apartment lease is under my name.”

“How could you-”

He slit Marvin’s throat.

The magician hit the floor with a gurgle. Henrik screamed, moving towards the door, but He glitched over on top of him. “Hi!” he said with a smile. “Believe me now?”

Blood squirted all over his pajama pants.

“Jack.”

He smiled, surveying the three corpses. No one but Him now.

“Jack!”

He sobbed. How could he have done something like this?

“Seán!”

He jolted. 

Seán was sitting back on the bed, still swaddled in blankets. Jackie was shaking him, a hand on either shoulder. “Please, please answer me!” he begged. 

“...Jackie?”

Jackie’s arms dropped. “Holy shit. I...fuck. You- you just started screaming, I had no clue what was going on, I thought you’d checked out again-” He breathed harshly. “You’re here, though.”

Seán stared at him. “You’re alive?” he murmured, reaching up a hand to cup Jackie’s face. 

Jackie looked confused. “Yeah? I’m fine, it’s you we should be worried about.”

“You’re alive,” he repeated, pressing his other hand to the teen’s unmarred chest. “Thank fuck, I thought he...I thought I..” Another sob cut him off, and he curled in on himself. 

Jackie hesitantly wrapped his arms around Seán. “What happened? Are you okay?”

Seán didn’t answer. He just kept crying, letting Jackie hug him. 

>=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=< 

The next morning, Seán had had enough.

He’d whipped up his recordings as quick as possible, not bothering to check for the glitches he knew were there. After eating as much yogurt and ginger ale as he could stomach (about half a cup of each), he stumbled back up to his bedroom. 

Henrik had a 10 hour shift today, so he didn’t have to worry about being disturbed for a while yet. Seán half-heartedly kicked the clothes on the floor toward the hamper, then pushed Schneep’s scattered papers and notes into a pile next to the desk. Having cleared enough space, he set one of his pillows down on the floor between their beds and laid down. He’d had problems in the past, falling out of bed when he did this. 

He fidgeted for a while trying to get comfortable (and calm his nerves). Hopefully, the two of them could strike up some deal, something that would make Scáth happy and make next October more bearable. He didn’t think he’d be able to come out of another month like this unscathed.

Breathing deeply, Seán closed his eyes and tried to blank out, focusing only on his thoughts. When he opened them again, he was in a black nothingness.

“Scáth, I know you’re there.”

He took a few steps forward. “Don’t ignore me, asshole. We need to talk.”

“Oh, do we now? So when you ask for something, I’m to respond right away?

Seán whipped around, furious. “What the hell is wrong wi-” He stopped abruptly.

Scáth looked like….him.

They’d met like this before, a few times. If either was particularly pissed off, this served as a place for parlay, or whatever. But all of those times, Scáth had been, well, a shadow; a dark green, gaseous silhouette. Now, it looked almost human. Ripped jeans, combat boots, gauges, and a shock of green hair. And his face. It was as if Seán had an edgier, demonic twin. 

Scáth grinned at him with a mouthful of nearly normal teeth. “You like the new style?”

Seán took a step back. “Why do you look like that?” he asked, voice wavering.

“Oh, you know. Reasons.” He took a step forward. “Gosh, Jack, you look terrible. Something keeping you up at night?”

“Fuck off.” Seán spat, fists tightening. “What do you want?”

“Wasn’t it you that called for me? I didn’t come to this wanting anything!” His tone was mocking, patronizing.

“You know what I mean. What happened with you? Suddenly you’re, fucking like, attacking me and making me hallucinate, disassociate, whatever, making me sick, looking like me? And talking in full sentences, what happened to the ominous one word thing?” Seán gripped at his hair. “Did I do something to piss you off? Is that what this is, some revenge thing mixed with your fucked up interests? What do you want, Scáth, I’m at the end of my rope here.”

Scáth laughed. “What, you think I haven’t wanted to do this our whole life? I’ve been dreaming of this since day one, McLoughlin! You, half insane, begging and pleading, surrounded by people who want you institutionalized,”

“Don’t-they don’t want-”

“Oh, is that right? Look me in the eyes and tell me your parents wouldn’t be locking you in another priest’s basement if we were still living with them. Tell me that doctor isn’t going to drop you in a psych ward the moment he has the chance.”

Seán couldn’t bring himself to meet his gaze. Instead, he looked down, scrubbing at tears. “Why now, then? I don’t understand, what changed? What did I do?”

Scáth knelt down to his level, still grinning. “Not a goddamn thing. I just finally got the strength I needed.” His smile turned into a snarl. “Do you have any idea what this is like? My line was powerful enough to force a Taoiseach onto his own sword. And suddenly, because someone’s family stopped having kids for two centuries,” he spat, “I’m stuck with a pathetic, whimpering, traitorous, English speaking c̛̹h̛̪͙i̙l̬̘̫ͅd̪̱̜̤̤, and not even enough power to manifest in the real world.” Scáth grabbed the front of Seán’s shirt, hoisting both of them up. “I was going to bring this land to its knees, bring us back to where we should stand, and instead I got landed with Y̶̛̻̤͕͟O͇͕̜͈̖U̹̕.” He dropped Seán a few inches, wrapping his claws around his neck. 

“Shit- Let go of me!”

Scáth snarled. “Here’s a secret I figured out, Jackaboy.” He leaned in, black eyes suddenly glowing a brilliant green. “That community of yours has more power than you could ever imagine. And their ideas! Holy shit, you should see what some of them come up with. They’ve got creation bursting at the seams. Give ‘em a few crumbs, they’ll make the loaf of bread themselves.” He grinned, teeth spiky and horrible. “Say hello to your newest figment.” 

Seán was thrown to the floor. He pushed himself up, rubbing at his throat. “Scáth...please, please tell me you didn’t,” he gasped. 

Scáth grinned wide. “I prefer Anti, thanks.”

“Oh, God.”

The demon snorted. “He didn’t help your ancestors, buddy, and he sure as hell ain’t helping you.”

“No, there’s no way, you couldn’t have…”

“You should hear them, Seán. ‘Ooh, wouldn’t this be cool, what if he did something for Halloween, what do you think that character would be like.’” He nudged Seán with his foot. “I’m just giving the people what they want!”

“You’re manipulating them to gain power.” Seán growled.

“Eh, same difference.”

“Scáth...just stop, we can figure-”

The demon glitched, and suddenly he was holding Seán up by the shirt again. “I told you to call me A̛̹n̷̫͚̱̗͕t̥͓͡i̝̻!” he yelled.

Seán wriggled in his grasp. “Like hell I will.”

“Oh, that’s how it is? You’ll use the kid’s new name, but not mine? Favouritism isn’t a good look, Jack.”

“Leave him out of this. Leave them all out of this, I’m the one you’re bound to!” Seán wrenched sideways, forcing Anti to drop him. He pushed himself back up to stand opposite. 

Anti shrugged. “And?”

Seán gulped. “I- you can’t, please. Please. You can do whatever you want to me, fine, just don’t hurt them.”

Anti stared at him blankly for a few moments. Seán met his gaze, tearful, still gasping for air. 

Then the demon laughed. It started low, but raised in pitch and fervor, bouncing around the space without rhyme or reason. Seán glanced around as it echoed around his head. 

Anti glitched into his face again. “Well, you offered. How can I refuse such a generous invitation?”

“Huh?” Seán staggered backwards, replaying the conversation in his head. He froze as the weight of his words sunk in. “Oh, God, no. No no nonono…”

Anti wiped at his eyes. “Like a fuckin’ fiddle, holy shit,” he chuckled. “And they say loyalty can’t be a fatal flaw.” The demon waved with a flourish. “Have fun over the next few days, Jack, there’s only so much more time till Samhain.”

Seán surged upwards, knocking his head into Marvin’s. 

“Ah, shit!” Marvin fell backwards onto his hands. 

Henrik turned around from the desk, looking relieved. “Seán! Thank goodness, I couldn’t wake you, but it looked intentional this time, so I called Marvin up.”

Seán ignored him, turning to Marvin, panicked. The magician looked back, rubbing his forehead. “Seán? What’s wrong?”

He swallowed. “I fucked up. I fucked up real bad.”

>=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=< 

“No wait, turn it that way a bit...yes, there!” Jackie exclaimed triumphantly as he and Marvin maneuvered the table into the recording room.

Seán entered behind them, carrying a pumpkin and bag of tools. “I’m sorry, if I’d known it wouldn’t’ve fit through the door, I would have asked you to grab the other table.”

“It’s fine,” Marvin reassured him, leaning back to stretch. “I think the other one is even bigger, anyhow.”

Seán set his things down, unpacking and laying out the knives. “Well, thanks then. I can take it from here, guys.”

He noticed Jackie and Marv glance at each other. “You sure about this? If you space out or slip while carving, you could really hurt yourself,” Jackie said

Seán sighed internally. “I’m good!” he replied, turning around to face the other two. “I have to film something for Halloween anyway, so it doesn’t really matter.” Jackie and Marvin’s grimaces only deepened at that.

He leaned against the table behind him. “I think that last spell you tried really worked this time. I haven’t felt this good since September!”

Marvin’s eyes widened. “Wait, are you serious?”

He smiled wide. “Yeah, I wouldn’t lie about that stuff. You know what I told you, he said this week was going to be hell, but I haven’t seen a thing! Just heard one or two, that’s nothing compared to before.” 

Marvin seemed shocked at that idea. “Wow. I uh. Didn’t think we’d actually figure this out.” He was trying to hide it, but Seán could see the subtle joy in his eyes. 

“Hug?” Seán asked, arms opening. Marvin nodded loosely wrapping around him, smiling all the while. After a moment, Seán gestured for Jackie to join them. The teen complied happily.

The three of them stood there, huddled together in the recording room. After a bit, Seán pulled back. “I really do have to get this done, though. It’ll be an hour, tops, then I’ll come back down.” He hesitated a moment, then continued, “Henrik’s going to be back soon, right? Maybe we can all go out to dinner together.”

Jackie’s grin widened even more. “Yes! Yes, please, we haven’t done something as a family since your fight.” 

“Yeah, I...I wanna fix that. I’ve been treating him like garbage.”

Marvin patted his shoulder. “Good on you. Have fun recording, let us know if anything goes wrong?”

He waved his phone. “Will do. See you guys in a bit.”

>=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=<

“Okay, so the last thing you wanna do is get your knife, and you’re going to have to do fine-”

What’s happening?

Why can’t I move!?

Shush.

Oh God.

I said shut up.

Nononono, please, don’t-

They’re simple instructions Seán. Be quiet!

Stop the knife, stop the knife, stop the-

Oh for fuck’s sake. I’m going to be so glad when you’re gone.

You can’t do this, this is my body!

Not for long.

No, stop, please, stop!

Shink.

It hurts, please, I don’t want to die, it hurts, stop!

Oop, looks like it’s time to go! Say bye-bye, Seány-boy!

HELP ME!

>=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=<

Marvin looked at the clock nervously. “It’s been over an hour.”

“As it was twenty minutes ago.” Henrik replied tersely, leg bouncing.

Jackie sat up abruptly. “I’m going to go check on him.”

Marv ran his hands through his hair. “You probably shouldn’t. Everyone still thinks he lives alone, he’ll have to scrap all that footage. What if he’s in the middle of something important?”

“I don’t care, I feel like something’s up. What if he spaced out again?”

Henrik bit his lip. “You said he was more or less cured.”

“We said he said he was more or less cured,” Marvin murmured. 

“I’m going.” Jackie said adamantly. Before Marvin could protest further, he turned and bolted up the stairs. 

He came to a stop at the end of the hallway. “Jack?” he asked, knocking. “It’s been a while, you done yet?” When there was no answer, Jackie frowned. “Seán? Everything okay?” 

He tried the doorknob, but it wouldn’t turn. He banged on the door. “Seán! What’s going on?” The teen wiggled it more, worried now. “Hey! Talk to me!” 

Jackie cursed under his breath when there was still no reply. “Fuck, okay. Sorry in advance, man.” He breathed deeply and steadily, trying to focus. Then he began throwing himself at the door, attempting to ram it open. 

Even with all this commotion, no sound came from the recording room. Jackie picked up the pace, the doorframe beginning to creak. “Come on, come on.” Then the lock gave way, the frame splintering as Jackie forced his way in. “Yes!”

He staggered in, balance thrown off. “Seán?” 

At first glance, the room appeared empty. It was dim, the curtains closed to make the set consistent. The equipment was still set up, though the lights were all off. He could smell something burnt, as if the bulbs had all blown out. There was another smell, too; something metallic. A fully carved pumpkin sat on the table, knife shoved in the top haphazardly. Both chairs were empty. No one was here.

Jackie pushed inward. There was no way Seán could have left, they would have seen him. Was he in the bathroom?

Then he heard it, barely- a hoarse wheeze, like someone was out of breath. His foot stepped in something wet, then nudged something soft. Jackie froze. He almost didn’t have the resolution to look down. But he did.

Then he screamed. 

>=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=<

Henrik looked up quizzically at the first set of bangs. “What is he doing?”, he murmured, sitting up straight.

There was another round of bangs, followed by repeated thumps. Marvin sat up as well, glancing toward the stairs. “What, is he trying to break down the door?”

Henrik paused, listening closely. Then he pushed himself to stand quickly. “Oh for the love of- I think he is.” He rubbed at his face. “He’s going to lose us the deposit. For fuck’s sake.” He hurried out of the room, Marvin following. As they reached the bottom of the staircase, there was the sound of something cracking and the thumps stopped. Marvin slumped his head against the wall and groaned. “Really, Jackie?”

Henrik frowned, sympathizing. “I will help you all pay for damages. I should have better calmed him.”

Marvin gave a subdued thumbs up. As they turned to head back to the living room, they heard a scream. “Henrik! Help!”

Henrik bolted upstairs. Jackie was slumped against the wall opposite the recording room, staring inside. He looked absolutely horrified. His left sock was soaked with blood at the toes.

Henrik cut past him to rush into the room. He flicked on the lights and surveyed the scene. Nothing seemed out of place, but...

He checked the floor. 

Seán laid limp, unmoving. His right hand loosely cradled a knife and a pool of blood stained the carpet around his head. 

“Scheisse!”

Henrik dropped down to his knees, feeling for a pulse. His fingers came away wet. As he turned Seán’s head he saw the deep, jagged cut across his throat. Henrik’s heart dropped into his stomach.

He fumbled for his phone, dialing 999 while still searching for a heartbeat. He found one just as the operator picked up. 

“Hello, yes, I need an ambulance right away!”

“Sir, what is your emergency?”

Marvin’s voice was in the background, likely comforting Jackie, but it was distant, muffled. Unnecessary noise in the current crisis.

Henrik wriggled out of his shirt while yelling into the phone. “My cousin has a slit throat! He is currently unconscious, has a weak heartbeat,” he paused, holding a hand above Seán’s mouth. “little airflow, hypoxia is likely. In fact, the cut is deep, a tracheal transection is possible. The injury occurred sometime in the last two hours, but I don’t know when exactly.” He placed his shirt around the neck injury. “He’s lost at least a litre and a half of blood, perhaps more.”

“Sir, can you give me an address please?”

“Ah, I am not sure exactly. Marvin?” He turned back around. Marvin had his arms around Jackie, murmuring, but he looked up when Henrik called his name. “Huh?”

“What is the apartment’s address?”

He relayed what Marvin told him to the operator. Meanwhile, he kept tabs on Seán’s pulse and breathing.

“Alright, an ambulance and Guard vehicle are on their way. Is there anything else I should know?” the operator asked.

Henrik glanced around. “Uh, the cut was made with a kitchen knife, definitely not sanitized. And-” He paused, breathing deeply. “There is no sign of a break in, and neither I nor our roommates heard anything. The wound is most likely self inflicted.” Marvin and Jackie’s heads snapped up at that, but Henrik ignored them. “He should be placed under suicide watch until we know more.”

“Had he been displaying destructive or out of character behaviours before this?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, I’ll alert the hospital’s mental health crisis team. Keep the wound covered-”

“Yes, I have a shirt on it already. I am a surgeon, I do not need advice. Thank you for your help, go give it to someone else now.”

“But-”

“Have a good evening.” 

“Sir!”

Henrik hung up, slumping. “Marvin. Go get Jackie a blanket and some water. He’s having a panic attack.”

Marvin stared at him, dumbfounded. “Henrik, you don’t actually think he-”

“A blanket, Marvin.” Henrik repeated numbly. He fumbled with his phone one handed, opening the clock and placing it on Seán’s stomach. He kept one hand on Seán’s wrist and one over the wound, watching the time. 

Marvin entered the room. He glanced back toward Jackie, who was now huddled in a blanket. The teen seemed to be shaking less, that was something. Marvin cleared his throat. 

“Could you two go wait for the ambulance, please?” Henrik said.

Marvin wrung his hands. “Hen, he wouldn’t have-”

“Marvin.” Henrik looked up, keeping his hands in place. “Right now I need to focus on keeping him alive. Please, go wait for the ambulance.”

>=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=<

Two days later, Seán hadn’t woken up. 

“Not too worrisome,” Dr. Heaney had assured them. “Given the trauma, a state like this isn’t unusual. Just give him time.”

Henrik had added later, over dinner. “His pupils still respond, and he verbalizes sometimes. That is good.”

Still, he could see how worried Jackie and Marvin were. They’d all taken time off of work or school. Every possible minute was spent in the ICU, waiting for something to change.

Henrik could see the pitying looks his coworkers kept giving him. He’d brushed them off initially, when they asked about his lack of scrubs, but it was a rural hospital. Word got around. By the next day, nearly every doctor or nurse had given him an awkward shoulder pat or asked to pray for him. He could see Marvin bristle every time one of them walked by; every 10 minutes, it seemed, someone was sticking their head in the room and asking, “You three okay in here? D’ya need anything?” Frankly, Henrik was amazed Marvin hadn’t snapped at them yet.

Jackie was pacing again. He alternated between that and sitting in a chair wringing his hands. He’d be inconsolable the moment they got back to the apartment, if the last two nights were anything to go off. Henrik had tried to comfort him verbally, but he couldn’t get a word in edgewise. So he’d resorted to just holding the teen as he cried, screamed, panicked, the works. Then it was off to bed for more of the same tomorrow.

Marvin was eternally tense and pissed off. Yelling at the two of them, baristas, pizza guys, anyone not in the hospital. Henrik had given up on trying to get him to talk about his feelings. He clearly wasn’t going to express them willingly. Nothing to do but wait for the emotions to build up until they exploded out in a breakdown. Henrik just hoped the magic wouldn’t be a factor. Their landlord was mad enough about the broken door. A miniature jungle would not help their case.

Henrik himself just felt numb. He couldn’t cry, couldn’t get angry, hadn’t even felt shocked after the ambulance left. His emotions had crashed that night, and had yet to resurface. The small moments he did feel something, it was guilt over not feeling anything. He was a robot, pushing forward as his human roommates broke down around him. 

This was their new cycle: wake up, eat, come to the hospital, refuse to talk to each other or anyone else, grab lunch downstairs, come back, go home, fall apart, repeat. 

Henrik didn’t know how much more any of them could take.

The heart monitor started beeping rapidly. Marvin startled from his nap, blowing hair out of his face. Jackie froze, turning toward it. Henrik slowly got to his feet, crossing the room. Seán’s heart rate had picked up abruptly, jumping up as if he’d run a marathon. Henrik squinted at it. That didn’t make any sense, even if he was waking up it’d be slower…

Jackie gasped. Henrik glanced at him, but the teen was already rushing forward. “Seán?”

Sure enough, Seán’s eyes were slowly opening. He blinked, eyebrows furrowing. Henrik backed up, reaching towards the call button. Just as he touched it, a painful shock seared up his arm.

“Ow!”

“Hey!”

The doctor turned toward Jackie while he flexed his hand. Seán was grabbing Jackie’s arm firmly. It almost looked like he was digging his fingernails into the skin. Seán’s head remained slumped, looking down. “Let go, man!” Jackie protested, trying to pull away. Seán didn’t reply. His chest heaved

Henrik strode forward, reaching out to touch Seán’s shoulder. He flinched away, not looking at him. Henrik raised his arms placatingly. “Seán, try to relax around the breathing tube, you’ll hurt yourself!” Marvin was up now too, all three of them surrounding the bed. 

Jackie finally wrenched himself away. Checking quickly, Henrik could see small dots of blood in his hoodie. A small part of his brain was screaming to get a nurse, but he’d been waiting for this for days. He wasn’t leaving. 

Seán stared down at his hands, looking terrified. Marvin bent down, asking what happened, was it the curse, why would he hurt himself, but Seán ignored him. “I..Oh my god...” he murmured. Then he started laughing, high pitched and insane, and that…

That wasn’t right. 

He shouldn't be able to talk with the tube in. How could they hear him perfectly?

The door suddenly slammed shut.

The three of them whipped around at the sudden noise. 

“What the hell?” Jackie yelped. He ran to the door, trying to pull it open. Marvin’s hands began to glow. “Jay, get back!” he yelled, as a bolt of fire flew into the door. There was a flash, but when it cleared, the door was untouched. 

Marvin took a step back. “What? That’s not possible!” 

Jackie ran forward and began banging on the door. “Hey, we need help in here! The door’s stuck and my cousin is freaking out! Help!”

Henrik blinked. All the sound around him was muffled. The lights were too bright, why were they so bright? All he could hear was the buzzing. Buzzing coming from all around. Multicoloured lights flashed behind him. People moved and screamed in front of him. He couldn’t figure out what was going on. Any reasoning he tried was too much to stomach. Was this…

“Seán.”

Henrik whirled around and ran toward the bed. “Wait!” Marvin yelled behind him, but he ignored it. The doctor grabbed onto the side of the bed, skidding a bit. 

Seán was sitting ramrod straight, staring forward. He was still laughing. Why was he laughing? How was he laughing? What on Earth was going on?

“Seán!” Henrik repeated. He reached out to grab Seán’s arm. “You need to lie back down, your body’s been through a lot.” Seán didn’t look at him. He kept staring forward. Henrik shook his arm. “Can you hear me?”

Seán’s head whipped toward him, almost inhumanly fast. He looked at Henrik, smiling around the breathing tube. “I’m not supposed to be here,” he said plainly.

“What?”

“Why am I still here? I don’t want this, I’m supposed to be done with this. I’m supposed to be dead!” He was crying now, tears streaming down his face around his constant smile. 

The other three bristled. Jackie stepped forward slowly. “Seán, you can’t actually mean that-”

“I’M NOT HIM.”

All the lightbulbs in the room blew out. The heart monitor overloaded and sparked. Static screamed at a deafening level. Jackie, Marvin, and Henrik all covered their ears, wincing. When they straightened, they noticed a new silhouette, standing over Seán’s bed.

The figure looked like a man, average height and wearing all black. Meanwhile, Seán had collapsed back onto the bed, lying still. Marvin waved a hand, summoning a handful of glowing flowers. As he moved forward, the light fell across the stranger’s face.

“What?” Henrik murmured, hand flying to his face. Jackie stood frozen in horror. Marvin, however, was glaring daggers at this person. He conjured a burst of flame, preparing to strike. 

The figure stared down at his body in wonder, flexing his shoulders and wiggling his fingers. “Cad a tharla?” he whispered. He jolted as the air around his hands sparked. He then turned to look across the bed to Henrik, then down at Seán. 

He stretched out a hand, frowning. Abruptly, Seán’s body began to seize and Henrik could hear muffled screaming. “Stop!” he yelled, grabbing the person’s hand just as Marvin fired.

The figment’s body glitched, and suddenly Henrik had a fist to his temple. He reeled to the side as Marvin’s flame flew past and scorched the wall. Henrik stared. “What- how did you?”

“Amach leat.” Marvin growled, raising a hand again. 

The person cocked a head to the side. “Cad atá tú ag dul a dhéanamh, a bhuachaill deas? Ní féidir leat mise a bhualadh.”

“Amach leat.” Marvin repeated.

The figure shrugged. “Cibé. Is maith an rud é tú a fheiceáil ag úsáid tine arís.”

Marvin’s scowl deepened. He threw another fireball, but the person smiled, glitched, and disappeared. Henrik yelped, ducking down to avoid being hit. 

“Fucker.” Marvin muttered.

Jackie unfroze. “What the hell was that?!” he shrieked, waving his arms around.

Henrik uncovered his head. He stood up slowly, looking at Marvin. “That...was that?”

The magician opened his mouth, looking angry, but both of them were interrupted by a strangled noise coming from the bed. 

Seán’s eyes were open. They bolted around frantically, and his chest heaved. Henrik grabbed his hand. “Relax, let it breathe for you. You’re safe, you’re in the hospital.” Seán vocalized, panicked. Henrik squeezed his hand. “It’s okay, you’re okay..” His eyes drifted over to the equipment. The heart monitor was broken, beeping intermittently. Thankfully, the ventilator was still operating. Henrik looked up at Jackie, who was standing at Seán’s other side. “Can you go get a nurse?” he asked. 

Jackie’s head shot up. “What? But the door-”

“It’s probably fine now.” Marvin said tersely. He was standing with his arms crossed, glaring at Henrik. Henrik looked away quickly, focusing on Seán. “Please, try to calm down. You’ll be okay, no one here will let anything happen to you. Here, squeeze my hand,” he soothed. He jerked his head toward the door. “Jackie, go.”

The teen hesitated, then took off down the hall. Marvin and Henrik could hear him yelling for help, quieting as he ran further. Marvin stepped up to take Jackie’s spot next to the bed. He avoided looking at Henrik, instead grabbing Seán’s other hand. He didn’t say anything, just held it.

Jackie and a nurse came bolting back into the room. The woman looked around the room, at the three of them, the glitching monitors, the scorch marks. She grabbed her pager, typed something into it, then approached them. “What happened? Why are the walls...are they burnt!?”

“I don’t know, the electronics went on the fritz and it seems like something in the walls burnt.” Henrik blurted out. 

“What on earth would have caused that?” She said, shaking her head. Then her eyes widened. “Henrik, your cheek!”

Henrik raised his hands, dropping Seán’s grip. “Ah, it is nothing! I ran into the door at home. It’s been stressful, you know, I wasn’t looking.”

Her eyes narrowed, then darted down to Seán’s panicking form. “Alright, out, all of you.”

“But we-” Jackie spoke up.

“Out, now. This isn’t safe and we need to work. Heaven knows it’ll be enough work  stabilizing and moving him already.” She pointed toward the door sternly.

“Don’t fight right now.” Henrik whispered. Marvin’s mouth snapped close. The nurse herded the others out of the room. The last thing he heard was “I need Doctor Heaney, the crisis team, and a maintenance worker in Room 072. Yes, all at once! Hey, it’s alright, honey, you’re safe-” And then the door clicked shut. 

>=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=<

When they got home that night, Jackie found the video. They had watched it, morbid curiosity overtaking them. At the climax, Henrik dropped the phone in shock and Jackie had to run to the bathroom to vomit. Marvin walked over to the couch and started throwing pillows and blankets, furious but silent. 

Henrik found himself hyperventilating. He tried to speak, but couldn’t get the words out. “How did, he didn’t, upload, people will, have to take it down!” he stuttered.

“We can’t.”

Jackie stood in the doorway, still looking sick. “I tried to delete it on Seán’s computer. The button isn’t even there.”

Henrik stared at him. “What, you, how, you know, when did-” He tried to take a few deep breaths. “You know his password?”

“Jesus fuck, Henrik, priorities.” Marvin spat from behind him. The magician pushed past Henrik into the hall. He pulled on his sneakers.

Henrik and Jackie followed him. “Where are you going? The hospital said we can’t go back until Wednesday.” Jackie said.

“Pharmacy.”

“Why?”

Marvin didn’t look at them as he zipped up his coat. “We can’t just let that be without any follow up. I’m going to go get some clippers and dye.”

Henrik’s jaw dropped. “You said you’ve been growing your hair out for years!”

“Priorities, Henrik.” Marvin slammed the door behind him.

When he got back, he went straight to the bathroom, ignoring either of them. Henrik confiscated Jackie’s phone after the teen had another panic attack looking at Tumblr. An hour later, he heard the door upstairs slam. An hour again, and the door opened, someone crossed the hall, and it slammed again. Henrik opened YouTube on his phone. Sure enough, there was another video up on the channel. The thumbnail featured “Jack” smiling happily. Unharmed. As Henrik put down the phone, he heard a guttural scream come from Marvin’s room. All the plants on the windowsill withered and crumbled to dust. Henrik merely leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes.

He couldn't go back into the shared bedroom, not now. So he might as well try to get some sleep here.

Henrik spent the next twelve hours staring at the ceiling and trying desperately not to think. 

>=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=<

They stood awkwardly outside the room. No one wanted to go in, not after what happened last time. 

“The receptionist said this one, right?”

“Yes.”

No one moved.

“Heaney said he’s been back to a normal sleep schedule. He’s probably awake.”

“That is good.”

Marvin ruffled his newly shorn hair. Jackie shifted his weight, fidgeting in place.

“So uh…”

“Hm?”

Henrik scratched the back of his neck. 

Jackie dropped his hands. “Fuck it,” he said, grabbing the doorknob.

The door swung open. They stared in, not moving.

Seán stared back at them. The new room was brighter, with more windows, and it made him look much less pale. He was lying propped up by the hospital bed. The breathing tube had been replaced with an oxygen mask. He had several drips running into his arm. Two sets of handcuffs secured his hands to the rails of the bed. 

He smiled slightly and waved as much as the cuffs would let him. 

Jackie was the first to break away. He entered cautiously. “Seán?” he asked quietly, reaching the bed. Seán nodded. He sat up, reaching out a hand. Jackie grabbed it in a flash. He stared for a few seconds more, biting his lip. Then he lunged, pulling Seán into a tight hug. Seán let out a breathy laugh, reciprocating as best he could. 

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Jackie sobbed. “So fucking glad.”

Henrik and Marvin walked in as well. Marvin’s face darkened as he looked at the cuffs. Henrik went over to the side and pulled two chairs over from the wall. “We don’t have enough for everyone, sorry.”

Jackie hopped onto the foot of the bed. Henrik passed on a chair to Marvin, then set his own on Seán’s opposite side. Seán’s eyes widened as he got a good look at Marvin. He opened his mouth, but Henrik was quick to interrupt. “Don’t even think about speaking. That will only give you more time in here.”

Seán closed his mouth and resorted to just pointing, at Marvin’s hair and then his own.

“Yeah,” Marvin said. “Don’t worry about it. We needed an emergency video for the channel. Besides, this way I can fill in until you get out of here.” He looked down at the cuffs. “Are you okay with those on?”

Seán paled. He made a so-so motion with his hand, but his eyes were panicked. Marvin quickly grabbed the hand and squeezed firmly.

Henrik cleared his throat. “I brought your laptop.” Seán perked up. Henrik dug into his bag and pulled it out. “I cleared it with your doctor, it’s fine as long as you don’t have the charging cables.”

“Oh!” said Jackie. “You guys gotta see this video the Grumps did recently, it’s so good.” 

Seán unlocked the laptop, then passed it over to Jackie. Soon, they were huddled up together, falling down a YouTube rabbit hole. 

They were interrupted by a knock. A nurse stood in the doorway. “Sorry to bother you,” he said sheepishly. “Just making the rounds.” He stepped in. “How’re you doing, Mr. McLoughlin? Any pain from the IVs?”

Seán shook his head. “What about your throat?” He shook his head again. The nurse checked some of the drip bags. “Alright, your next dose is in a few hours, but call someone if the pain gets bad again, alright?” Seán nodded.

The nurse turned to the others. “You guys haven’t had any problems, have you?” he asked quietly.

“What d’ya mean?” replied Jackie.

“Well, he hasn’t, ah,” the nurse gestured to Henrik’s cheek. “You know?”

Seán’s eyes widened. He looked at Henrik’s bruised face, then to the nurse, then back to Henrik. Then he raised a shaky hand to point at himself. 

“It’s alright!” Henrik said quickly. “You weren’t yourself! I am fine!”

“Why is he in handcuffs?” Marvin interrupted, arms crossed.

The nurse looked dumbfounded. “Are you serious- I literally just-” He sighed and rubbed at his eyes. “With the sudden move and all this equipment, we couldn’t ensure his safety without them. Or ours,” he added under his breath.

Marvin’s scowl deepened. He moved to stand up, but Seán grabbed his hand. He shook his head, eyes wide. Marvin slowly sat back down, still tense.

The nurse looked uneasy. “Okay...well, if that’s all, I’ll leave you all be for now.” With that, he left down the hall.

Marvin watched him go testily. Then he rounded back on Seán. “You’re okay with this!?”

“I’m not safe to be around.” Seán whispered hoarsely. He didn’t meet any of their eyes. 

Marvin deflated at that. Jackie and Henrik shot each other a look. The latter got up and moved to the door. He glanced out into the hall before closing the door and walking back. “Seán, you literally weren’t yourself. Some...some thing came out of you and attacked me.”

Jackie nodded. "It was, like, a shadowy, angsty, demon you."

Seán blanched. Henrik took a deep breath. "Is that what your demon looks like?" Seán nodded. Henrik buried his face in his hands. "God, I'm so sorry."

Seán patted his arm. He then turned to Marvin and made a 'continue' motion.

Marvin sighed. "Honestly, there's not much more to it. It showed up, blew out the electronics, glitched around a bit, taunted me, and left."

Seán made a motion toward himself. "No, not back into you, just disappeared. Poof." Marvin answered.

Seán looked sick. He opened his mouth again.

"I don't want to hear anything out of your mouth, especially if it is an apology for something out of your control." Henrik said without looking up. 

Seán slumped back, taking a deep breath. Then he made a gathering motion with his hands. Jackie stared at him for a second before going "Oh!" and shuffling over to curl into Seán's side. He then looked expectantly at Marvin and Henrik.

They spoke up at the same time. “No, you guys do your thing, I don’t want to ruin that-” and “I doubt we all would fit, Marvin can take the other side, I’ll just stay here-”

Seán leveled a look at them. Jackie snickered into his hand. 

Henrik and Marvin both squirmed, neither moving for a moment. Then the magician huffed. “Alright, fine, move over.” he said, shoving the bed railing down. Seán gasped as he was pulled sideways with it. 

“Ah, shit!” Marvin caught him. “Fuck, right, sorry.” He raised it back up and let Seán get his balance. Henrik laughed as he lowered the other rail slowly. 

It was clumsy, but eventually they all managed to cuddle together on the bed. If Jackie felt some tears falling onto his head, he didn't mention it.

The four brothers stayed like that, watching Game Grumps until a doctor ushered them out at the end of visiting hours.

[dreamcatcherjiah]

🎐Bubbles (Yoongi!Producer x Reader!Writer)

Bubbles Masterlist

Part 26

Plot: Yoongi, a famous music producer, and y/n, a writer, had been neighbors for a couple of months when Yoonji and her dad moved to the apartment in between the two. Due to some unbelievable coincidences, these two weird incompatible people were appointed baby Yoonji’s babysitters. What will they do when something happens to Yoonji’s dad and she’s left alone in the world?

Yoongi was pacing back and forth between the kitchen and the mahogany coffee table Namjoon had bought. Y/N and Yoonjinie were doing some grocery shopping for the dinner both of them were cooking for her parents. The idea was having an early lunch close to their place, go for a little walk and then Yoongi and Y/N would go back home to cook, while her parents took the little girl to the park. That was an easy plan. Easy enough at least. That was not what Yoongi was worried about. Ever since moving to the apartment five years ago, he had been so caught up in Y/N that it hadn’t even occurred to him that he could date. And before that, none of his relationships had gotten serious enough to meet the parents. And this thing with Y/N was next level serious. He had popped the question, they were parents already to a beautiful, intelligent and ever-growing little girl. Yes, they had done everything backwards, but he could see a future with them both, he could picture himself loving them forever, and being surrounded by their love. So, why was he so nervous?

The tie he had chosen that morning was suffocating, the shirt too rigid and the sock on his left foot was wrinkling. His clothes seemed totally over the top for the casual get-together that was fast approaching but he couldn’t for the life of him decide if Y/N’s dad would see this as overdoing it or as not being up to par. He stopped himself in the process of biting on another nail, too munched to be called a nail anymore, but still. If his girls didn’t arrive soon enough he felt like he was going to go positively mad.

Another thing was the issue with the parental rights. Y/N had told him that her parents weren’t really happy with the arrangement of the adoption and were worried of the situation that would arise if their relationship went down the drain and they had to fight for custody. Choosing to ignore the vacant lack of confidence his in-laws had in him not screwing up the best thing that had ever happened to him, he wouldn’t say custody was a big concern of his. Having discussed it at length in the early days of their parenthood, when their relationship was nothing more than tension and sideways glances, both parents had agreed that whatever their relationship was it would never affect their daughter. And that wouldn’t change now that they were about to become a proper family. The grandparents worries would have to be quieted, if not dismissed tonight.

What would her parents think when he introduced himself? Was he setting himself up for a disappointment in assuming that he would be able to win them over?

God, this tie was really gonna choke him.

He gave up on it, and threw it still knotted into the closet, out went the uncomfortable shoes and the wrinkly sock, replaced by a pair of neat jeans and trainers. This was Min Yoongi, not some fake rich-boy-wannabe. This was the person who proposed to Y/N, the one who intended to be the best husband and father he could possibly be. And whoever disagreed with that could very much stuff their rusty old opinions.

He hears the sound of the door opening and the beeping sound of the lock blocking again and the sweet voice of his daughter calls to him.

‘DADDY! Mommy says that if I’m good we’re going to the park!!’ An excited little thing throws herself at him and he barely manages to keep his balance and lifting Yoonji up in the air.

‘And mommy is totally right! Are you going to be so good that daddy will give you candy?’

The eyes of the little girl go as big as saucers, while Y/N’s turn to him with a judgmental look, as if saying “You’ll be the one who has to deal with her sugar rush at bedtime.” Meanwhile Yoonji is beaming up at him with the most adoring smile she can manage, worshiping Yoongi in a way that makes his heartstrings hurt every time. This little girl right here is why he keeps going.

‘That’s right, my love. You have to be on your best behaviour today, and I will take you with me to the studio on Monday. What do you say?’ He asked, putting her down, and leaving a loving kiss in the crown of her head. ‘Would you like to see uncle Hobi practice for his big show?’

‘NO!’ She shouted immediately.

‘No?’ Asked Yoongi, perplexed. What he had learned in his brief time as a father — was it going on a year now? Woah, time really does fly — was that this little girl didn’t reject any opportunity to be around her uncles. Just thinking about it, rage comes back when remembering the panic he felt that time Taehyung “kidnapped” his child. So, if she loved her uncles so much, why was she saying no to going to the studio on Monday?

‘I want to stay with you, I want to sing.’ These words just undid Yoongi. Whatever else his daughter could have said was meaningless. It had happened only one time, when she was around two years old. Both him and Y/N disliked her being on the studio because of the loud noises and the very high possibility of her getting lost, so that day was the first and only exception. Yoongi had taken her to the Genius Lab, tucked her between pillows and blankets in the sofa and let her sleep while he got some producing done for Jin. From once in a while, he would turn around, see that she was still sleeping and go back to work. He got absorbed and then felt a small tug on his sweatpants. Looking down he say a standing Yoonji, in wobbly legs, but standing nonetheless, looking at him with those big inquisitive eyes and her little mouth hanging open. Her expression of wonder had been nearly too much for Yoongi, who took her into his arms, settled her on his lap and kept working. The bass was something she proved to enjoy, clapping her hands happily when the low vibrations came from the speakers, so Yoongi would boost it or not depending on her reaction. When Jin’s voice came, she would look at him as if saying ‘UNCLE JIN!’ And he would laugh at her gaping expression and repeat the track. Little by little, he modified the song in such a way he wouldn’t have been able to do had he been alone. When he looked back at the child, she was fast asleep, holding the front of his hoodie in a tight fist and nesting her face on Yoongi’s elbow. He hadn’t even noticed the baby was asleep. That day, he realised the depth of his feeling for this small human. His life would be empty, or dreadfully boring at least if he had to go back to living without Kang Yoongi.

Looking now at her, two full years passed and still remembering that moment, almost brought tears into his eyes.

‘Then you got it, my love. On Monday, it will be daddy daughter time!! Do you like it?’ He asked the little girl, who yelled a loud ‘YEAH!!’ and left running for her room, where her toys were waiting for her to play until it was time to go for lunch.

Yoongi went to the kitchen and found Y/N putting the groceries away, and goes automatically for a hug. He turns her around and locks his arms around her.

‘We are raising the sweetest little girl.’ He hides his face on the nook of her neck. ‘She owns all my heart and I am ready to give her all, she is…’ his voice gets stuck on his throat.

‘My love, are you emotional?’ Asks Y/N, trying to give a funny turn to the moment, knowing that Yoongi shies away from really emotional situations, but this time he only nods and holds her tighter.

‘I love you.’ He says, and even though it is the first time he says it out loud to her, the words hit home truer than ever. ‘I love you both.’

When the time for lunch arrived, Yoongi wouldn’t let go of his daughter. The little girl was just too happy and you thought that was so cute. You had chosen a little Italian restaurant where the atmosphere was calm and Yoongi wouldn’t feel the hostility that would be coming from your dad. You weren’t worried about your dad giving Yoongi a really hard time. From what you had gathered last weekend, both your mom and dad were incredibly happy that you had found someone to settle down and raise your daughter. Granted, you could have raised her on your own if the situation had required it, but the fact that you were so happily in love meant the world to them so you weren’t worried at all.

When the three of you got to the restaurant, your parents were already waiting for you. Introductions were made, Yoongi being polite and respectful, shaking your father’s hand firmly and giving a sweet hug to your mother, who was a bit emotional after seeing Yoongi looking at both you and Yoonji as if you hanged the moon.

Conversation was quick and fluid, kept away from sensitive topics until your father decided to open his mouth.

‘I trust that you will ask for my daughter’s hand in marriage before putting the ring back on her finger? I can see the mark from here, son.’

The only sound that could be heard on that side of the dining room was the one your hand made when it collided with your forehead.

Tag list: @daydreamindollie @live-2-fangirl @mizz-kraziii @rjsmochii @jiminslovly @igotarmyofarohas @desteweirdo @chewymoustachio @lvnakook @sugapaste @salty-for-suga @expensive-grl @threedecadesofawkward @elegantfanshoelover @jisnuq @krystalizando @littlestsweetpea28 @chogiyeol-utopia @delilaahbards @agusttaegid @thebookishnerdsblog @kisskissshutmydoor @httppbaby @girlwith-thecinder-blockgarden @mabel-k3 @thenocturnalreadingotaku @midnightxxxmemories @tirednation @jayhope88 @peachesandviolets @tremendousminyoongi @super-btstrash-posts @orbitjoon @adoreguk @officiallyjyptrash @vante-visuals @taehyung-is-cute @its-yagirl-raelynn

A/n: Hello sweets!! I’m back!! I am so so happy to be able to return after almost a month!! I have tried to add you all to the taglist but some of your blogs weren’t showing up. If that is the case, send me an ask please and I’ll try to add you💜💜

I’ve missed you so much, loves and I’m so glad to be back💗💗🥺🥺

Love 💜🌙

[dashielldeveron]

Viper VII: De Minimis.

Summary: It’s overstimulation, but not the kind you want.

Warnings: swears, the law. Dogs and cats living together (mass hysteria).

You woke up numb.

Slipping out of the guest bed, you patted Trout behind her ears, and she meowed and flipped over. You lifted Tom’s keys from the bowl by the door and went for a drive before dawn.

While the sun began to rise over the distant city skyline, you made the first purchase of the day for a 7-Eleven and sat in the car outside of Tom’s house to enjoy half of an icee before thinking about it too hard and setting it aside.

You hadn’t gotten a good look at it last night, but Tom’s house in daylight was really something. It kind of pissed you off. It used to be a grist mill, but Tom had added on rooms, keeping with the worn, stone façade, and had taken off the water wheel long ago—a patchwork house. What’s more, it was out in the middle of theoretical nowhere. Once you got out of the trees, you could see the city out in the distance, but it was like it wasn’t even there if you didn’t know it was. He didn’t have a roommate, or anything; he owned the thing.

You sneaked into the house, careful not to let your bags rustle, but it’d been a waste; voices drifted under the swinging door to the kitchen. So, you let the car keys clatter into the key bowl, and the conversation in the kitchen paused for a moment.

Tom opened the swinging door and toed the doorstop underneath it. “Where’ve you been, sweetheart?” His smile was infectious. “You know how much I hate waking up to an empty bed.”

You raised an eyebrow. “It’s not empty if you’re still in it.”

“Let me help you with those,” said Tom, and he took your two, plastic bags and walked into the kitchen. “Where’d you go?”

You followed him, his bare feet sticking to the tile. “I’d think the 7-Eleven logo would make it obvious.”

“Good morning, V.” Harry sat with crossed legs on the counter, already drinking.

That explains why Tom’s acting weird. Okay, did Harry and Sam know you worked for…? Wait, no, they didn’t know you were the Viper. They still thought you were dating, though. They think you’re expendable. What’s Tom told Harry this morning?

Follow his lead.

“Must say, you look less intimidating when you’re wearing my brother’s old clothes,” said Harry, eyes flittering down your body. You’d just pulled some shit out of a dresser last night to sleep in, and it’s not like anyone at 7-Eleven has ever seen soap.

“It’s completely normal, Harry; there’s no need to comment on it. Why’d you go out?” Tom slid the bags from off his arms onto the counter next to the sink, where he’d gotten out an egg carton and vegetables.

“I was getting soap,” you said, “and other toiletry shit. If I don’t have my normal shampoo, I’m gonna have a conniption.”

“Got it,” said Tom, bending to retrieve a frying pan from a drawer, “Grounding. Makes sense.”

“I heard about yesterday,” said Harry, and he set his glass aside to push himself off the counter, “Sorry about that. ‘S gotta be tough.”

The apartment? The fight? Polson? Which one’s he talking about? “Yeah, I, uh. Thank you. If it’s all the same to you, I don’t really feel like talking about it.”

Tom shot you a look over his shoulder. Smooth.

“Tom, where do you keep—do you have any chives?” Harry opened the refrigerator and stuck his head in, shifting his weight to one foot.

“Spice cabinet. Corner,” he said, jerking his head in that direction.

“Oh, ho, look at Mr. Fancy Man who can afford a spice cabinet,” said Harry, and he shut the fridge and walked in that direction.

“Hey, baby,” said Tom, cracking an egg into a tin, “What do you want in your omelette? Cheese? Peppers?”

Someone is willing to make you a warm thing to eat. You need to eat to fuel your body so that you can function. Take care of yourself. Someone is willing to help you do that.

“Actually, Tom, I’m just gonna have coffee. I don’t think I can eat anything right now. Too early.” And the icee stain on your tongue was still there. Glancing around, you—where’s the…?

“Oh, I moved the coffee maker since you were last here,” said Tom, giving you an easy smile, “It was getting in the way. It’s on the other side of the fridge, now.”

And so it was. As coffee dripped out of the nozzle, you had to wonder that if lying to his family comes so easily to Tom, who was exempt? Maybe Harrison, or perhaps some past girlfriends. Odds were, Tom kept everything close to his chest.

Did his family think you lived with him?

What reality are you playing into?

It’s too early for this.

By the time Tom was handing Harry’s fucking omelette with chives and Other Things, you were riffling through the plural flavours of creamer Tom had on hand. The luxury of choice.

“C’mon, sit down at the table with us,” said Tom, pinching your hip before washing the raw egg off his hands.

“Is it cool if I talk shop around your woman?” Harry was saying as you and Tom joined him at the kitchen table, “I know she knows about the maf—the family, but I don’t know to what extent.”

Tom squeezed your knee under the table, because he’d seen how you handle men who talk like you aren’t there. If that’s the view Harry has of you, then you can play along.

“Oh, please do,” you said, shifting in your seat, “It’s a turn-on.”

Tom struggled to swallow a bite of his eggs.

“Right, then,” said Harry, “Sam’s out with his crew delivering Abel from Sunnyside to Sugar Hill. Boundary crossing isn’t an issue for Abel, usually, but the D’Aleos have got a price on his head so big it’s wishing on a Zoltar. Abel hasn’t been able to get to the Whick house in time for moving his shit—wish he’d stop dealing in cocaine; the market’s unreliable—”

“Is he connected to whoever’s enabling the kids in Southside?” Tom set down his fork.

“Don’t know. Konstantin might be.”

“Tell him to stop. Four college kids have been admitted to the hospital this month for overdosing. There are shitty old men who can afford to buy it; let them.”

Harry took a sip of his morning liquor. “Move it where?”

“I’d rather he stopped, but if he can’t find anything else, the Flatiron or Garment districts. Can’t go to Tribeca or SoHo, because the police have a deal with the Fratellis in SoHo, and we’ve made an agreement with Tribeca not to deal there.” Tom pinched his lower lip. “Actually, put Abel in contact with Haz and get him involved in something else. Pass off his business to someone else. I don’t want it under my roof.”

Harry swallowed omelette with effort. “I’ll tell them. When’s the—”

You zoned out. You didn’t mean to. It started with focusing on your coffee’s warmth and how the mug fit well when you cupped it, and then you vaguely wondered what else you would have to acquire, besides the toiletries you bought. New clothes, for one. You had a change of work clothes at Osseous in a duffle bag, but other than that, you were now the owner of a single outfit (and one bra, damn it). Prescriptions. Cat food. Other cat stuff. Would Trout and Tessa get along…?

You snapped out of it when the back door creaked open. Tom, standing, put a hand on your shoulder, and he strode to welcome Sam into the kitchen, along with six or seven capos, Harrison, and a short woman wearing stilettos at this hour in the morning. The men—you knew their names and faces, but your brain scrambled them; you weren’t up to discerning which was which. You went to stand by the coffee machine, feeling small and in the way. It was too loud, anyway, and you couldn’t really concentrate on the conversation. Something felt off.

“…go well?”

“More or less. We ran into police we ain’t got on the payroll three blocks out of Sugar Hill. Didn’t much care for—”

The woman who’d been close behind Sam took a brief scan of the kitchen before losing interest and getting on her phone, leaning most of her body weight against the counter while mindlessly scratching Sam’s back. Deciding she needed to feel at home, you crossed to her.

“Hi,” you said, mirroring her body language as you too leant on the countertop, “Are you doing okay?”

Her eyes flitted from her phone to you, not looking you in the eyes but instead looking you up and down. “Yeah.”

“Do you need anything? Bathroom, something to drink?”

“No,” she said, scrolling through instagram.

Your stomach lurched. Maybe you should eat something. “You sure?” You raised your mug to your lips. “It wouldn’t be any trouble.” No response. “Did anything happen this morning?”

Her head lifted, her hand on Sam’s back stilling. “Hm? Did you say something?”

“I was wondering if anything unusual happened on the job today.”

“Nah,” she said, liking a post, “Didn’t know something was going on…” Trailing off, she opened a photo set and swiped through it. “…until it was over.”

“Well, if you’re ever out with this lot, or anything, and you don’t feel safe, then you can contact me,” you said, and you tore a paper tower off the roll to write down your number.

“Reno,” she said—she had turned her head towards a capo, “Jay says that you were right to call him out like that. He thinks it was funny.” Back to you. “I don’t need a direct line to Tom. Sam is great. And I don’t wanna get together and have a little girlfriends’ club.”

“All right, but if you ever—”

“Not interested.”

��Understandable. I hope your day is peaceful,” you said and retreated back to the coffee maker.

It still felt great to be mistaken for Tom’s girlfriend, but you could’ve explained yourself. You weren’t sleeping with Tom, even though—and you cringed at the thought—it had crossed the mind of everyone present.

“—being shitty about it, but they’re causing enough trouble that the other families are getting nervous,” said Sam, accepting a drink from Harry, “If we’re not careful, we’re gonna have to go to the mattresses.”

“I won’t allow that,” said Tom, “I’m doing my goddamn best to keep this city under control. Tighten watch on Southside, then. Move some of the guys working on—”

More coffee? More coffee. Palpable, warm thing to centre on. Try a different flavour creamer.

No. Pay attention, damn it; this is your work they’re talking about.

(You chose a fancier creamer this time.)

Tom was sitting on the kitchen table, now. “Did you find anything on the arsonist?”

Harrison shook his head, sucking in through his teeth. “Spent all night searching, and not a thing—”

Frowning, you took a few steps to enter the conversation, but the circle was tight; their body language was closed off (arms crossed, heads ducked slightly, feet only pointing towards others in the conversation, backs towards the rest of the room). You listened for a place to insert yourself into the conversation, but it never happened.

“At least now we know Fratelli and D’Aleo aren’t culpable. They weren’t even aware of a pattern. Fratelli sends his condolences, by the way.” Harrison jerked his head in the direction of the capos, talking amongst themselves about the next lift (a mark you’d assigned yesterday). “Sent the lads across the boroughs to interrogate isolated groups and petty gangs, and no one knows a fucking thing.”

Tom narrowed his eyes. “Talk to Sheila Lombardo about it?”

Haz shook his head. “Out of town. Out of country, actually. She’s in Munich. We left a persuasive message.”

Shifting his jaw, Tom sighed, staring at the floor before catching your eye. He extended his arm and beckoned you come to him. “We got anyone in town who’s good with mapmaking?” He slid an arm around your waist, his fingers dragging across the small of your back first.

Yes, fuck. Fucking. Physical fucking comfort. His arm’s around your waist; no one’s ever done that. It’s a warm, comfortable weight that you’re going to feel the absence of. “DeForest should—”

He gave you a sharp squeeze. He wasn’t talking to you.

“Last I know, Kelley’s free,” said Harry. “He’s just finished a commission in Brooklyn.”

“I hear Nyota and DeForest are in town, too,” said Harrison, nodding almost imperceptibly at you, “should you want to contact them. Neither is on payroll, but they’re good.”

“At your discretion,” said Tom, “pick one and tell him to draw up the city with the fires in relation to the sewer cases. Work with him to make connections.”

Sam rattled off some bullshit, and the capos were growing louder, a constant lull in a background nearer than it should’ve been. You sipped your coffee, cupping it with both hands. The first creamer had been better. Listening attentively, Tom gently took your mug and took a few swallows himself before handing it back to you. Rude.

“Then what about her flat, then?” Harry jerked his thumb in your direction.

“Do another sweep of the building tonight,” said Tom, “Two people should go to the fire station and two more to the police. Find whatever was the fire starter.”

“Did I tell you what happened when we were up in New Utrecht?” came a capo’s voice.

“You should’ve been there,” said another.

“We’ll do another search of her flat, then,” said Harry, “Didn’t find anything worthwhile last night, but if you think it’s profitable.”

“You sure it’s worth it?” Sam grimaced. “The only recognisable thing we saw last night was what must’ve been bookshelves.”

“We’re gonna be meticulous about this one,” said Tom.

“I hadn’t made it there in time.” A capo. “I’d’ve rather been in Jersey than be in that house that night, but it was part of the job, so we went.”

“No, you wouldn’t’ve,” said the one next to him, elbowing him.

“Swear it on my life,” said the first, holding up his hands, “The atmosphere was that off.”

“Made me realise why book burnings are among the first ways to protest,” said Harry, “It’s just sad. Unnecessary. But I couldn’t identify fucking anything besides that.”

“I expect you to follow through.”

“All right, I guess, but we ain’t gonna find anything but ashes.”

“Haz,” you said under your breath, and Harry talked over you as he shook Tom’s shoulder. “Where’s Zendaya?”

He took note of the Hollands’ exchange before replying. “She said she’d be in the Heights.”

“She said?”

“I don’t know.” Haz scratched the back of his neck. “That’s from our last contact.”

“May I see?”

Her contact name had a heart by it.

Z: Gonna be in Washington Heights today. You need me?

Harrison: Don’t worry about it, babe. Today’s covered. Free at 1845 hours. Watch starts at 2330 Manhattan. Meet in the break?

Harrison: Can be at mine or yours, but let me advertise that I’ve cleaned recently.

Z: Busy tonight.

Z: Maybe a couple of days.

Harrison: I’ll call you later.

Z: Don’t. Busy with work. Could compromise me.

Harrison: Gotcha. Check in with me at some point.

“She hasn’t been answering calls, either,” said Haz. “It was two days ago, but the arson got in the way of me worrying.”

You returned his phone, and Tom tightened his grip on your waist (hell yeah). “How often does this happen?”

Harrison leant in closer, crossing his arms. “More and more recently, but she usually tells me she’s alive in the morning.”

“Sound good to you, babe?” Tom pulled you closer—you faced him, mug knocking against his chest; his hand splayed flat across your back.

“Does what?”

“—a complete disaster, seriously fucked up,” said a capo, “Not gonna do that again.”

“Can’t afford to make any more mistakes on the job,” said another.

“You weren’t listening?”

“I plan to try again next Thursday and see if it’s any different.”

“She and I were talking. My fault.”

“If you can manage to bat it away from him one more time, then it’s in the bag.”

“Sweetheart?”

The sound of the other woman’s long nails scratching against the thick fabric of Sam’s suit cut over the noise for a split second.

“Excuse me.” You set your mug on the counter with a shaky clink and left, retreating to the first door connected to the kitchen—the laundry room.

You shut the door behind you, sighing at the sound of the latch clicking, and you sank down against it. You made a frustrated noise and pushed yourself up with effort, and you placed one hand on the washing machine—cold edges, warm centre, throbbing, low white noise—and the other on the pantry door—rough wood grain (vertical), smooth paint, cool toned, squeaky. You flicked off a piece of dog food sticking to your foot, and, taking a deep breath, you bent to rest your forehead on the dryer.

The door creaked open and shut. “Viper? Viper, are you okay?”

You closed your eyes, pressing your forehead into the dryer’s edge further. “Does it look like I’m okay?”

“Right, right, of course.” Tom rubbed his palms together and then clenched his hands. “What’s on your mind?”

“I’m,” you said, “I’m tired.”

Tom was at your side, close enough to feel his body heat but not enough to touch you. Damn respectful man. “Is it me? Did I go too far?”

“A bit, yeah,” you said, standing upright and reaching up to feel the indent in your forehead, “They know it was my apartment; they went through it. How much did you tell them about me?”

“Sam and Harry know you’re the Viper now. Still think we’re dating, so they can hold a conversation with our mom about our social lives. Quick briefing, no time for contradictions.” He bit his thumbnail. “Those capos are from Sam’s crowd. Don’t think they directly know you’re the Viper; they just know you’re important to me.”

“The same with Sam’s girlfriend?”

“Yeah.”

“Would’ve been nice of you to update me.”

“All right,” he said, “I will next time. You followed along just as well, though.”

You jumped to sit on the dryer, your legs dangling next to him and your hand less than an inch away. “I can’t be on top of my game all the time.”

Tom turned around, resting his elbows on the dryer—his forearm grazed your thigh. “How can I help? What do you need to be comfortable here?”

“So I am camping here for the time being.”

“If you want to go to a hotel, that’s fine,” said Tom, tapping his thumbs together, “but seeing as you’d better go into hiding for a while, I figured this might be more convenient for you.”

No way in hell are you leaving. You’re going to learn as much about Tom from his house as long as you can—although the thought of being a burden crossed your mind. “I figured.”

“It was a near-direct attack on you, or at least, it was too much of a coincidence.”

The two of you were silent for a moment, with you swinging your legs to the muffled sounds of an argument in the kitchen.

“If it’s it’s money—”

“It’s not,” you said, “You know what you pay me.”

He cocked his head but said nothing.

“If you’re asking what I was doing in a crappy apartment, it was too much of a hassle to move.” You prodded the pantry door closed with your foot. “After sending some to my mother and paying off my student debt, I didn’t really have anything to do with it. Sent some to Dr. Prine for her law journal. Some to Grace and her women’s centre. An anonymous donation to the Morgan Memorial Hall of Gems; Ms. Pham was complaining, and if she knew I did it, she wouldn’t shut up. Everything else is in a savings’ account. I can pay rent, if you want. I don’t want to be a freeloader.”

“If it makes you feel better.” Tom shrugged. “But you’re staying?”

“If you’re okay with that. It’s nice for Trout to have this much space.”

His mouth twitched upwards. “It’s fine. It’s a big house, and it’s just Tessa and me.”

“You’re used to living alone,” you said, and you slumped back atop the dryer, the timer knob cutting into the back of your neck as you laid your hands on your stomach. “I’ll keep to myself, I swear. I can be clean; I’ll cook my own shit. You won’t see me if you don’t want to. I’ll be the most boring roommate ever for you.”

“I doubt that,” said Tom, smiling.

“And you don’t have to worry; I’ll do my own grocery shopping—I have to get new clothes at some point, replace my linens. Move pharmacies. Get new prescriptions. Find a new—”

“Viper, honey, you don’t have to be so wor—oh, my God.” He took your hand and climbed on top of the washing machine, and he reached up to smear off your tears—close to cupping your face, but so far: his fingertips touched your skin; the full length of his fingers and palm did not. Scanning your face for any other clues, he opened and shut his mouth, tightening his hand around yours and resting them in your lap. Kept silent. Waited for you.

No one’s ever done that for you.

“I’m tired,” you said, licking your lips (his eyes flickered to them for a moment), “I’m so, so tired. I don’t know rightly what, but I can’t do it. It’s exhausting. It’s a lot. I just want to sleep and not have to put on a show for one minute. I don’t want to keep it up all the time. I don’t think I can. I’m—I’m tired.”

And Tom waited.

“They burnt my books, Tom,” you said, “They burnt my fucking books.”

“My library’s your library,” said Tom, dragging his fingertips down your cheek and letting it fall to your lap, where they joined his other hand in holding yours. “Do whatever you want with it. You can add whatever you want, take what you want.”

“It’s so fucking trivial—”

“It’s not.”

“—but thank you. Thanks.” You sniffed, rubbing an eye with the heel of your palm. “I don’t know why I’m getting so worked up over this. It’s so dumb.”

“Your fucking flat burnt down, Viper. It’s the most logical reaction in the world.”

“I’m gonna need to get stuff for Trout and tell my therapist my address has changed.”

“I’ll take care of it. Let’s put aside what you need for a while,” he said, brow furrowing, “Viper, what do you want?”

You were taken aback. Sitting up, you took a moment before saying, “I want space, and I don’t. I don’t know anything. I just know that I can’t be alone.”

Raising his eyebrows, Tom nodded. “Done. You set the boundaries. I’ll follow your lead.” He managed a weak smile. “Although, I’d like it if you didn’t come into work for a few days to recover.”

“I can do that. I probably should,” you said, “I will. I’ll stay here. Just—please don’t tell me anything for a bit. I don’t think I’ll be able to recover worrying about what’s going on at work.”

“Agreed. You can have leave for as long as you want. I want you to leave it all to me.”

So, you slept for the rest of the day.

And the next day.

And the next.

***

Setting aside the astronomy book and your growing, hand-drawn star map, you covered a yawn and shut the window. Ensuring Trout, curled into a ball on your pillow, really was asleep, you flipped off the light switch and made your way to Tom’s room.

You listened through the door.

“I’ve got the Murtagh notes here.” His muffled voice spoke into a phone, and someone on speakerphone answered. “I’ll get them to you tomorrow. I’ve already looked through them, but I want you to cross-reference them to the Bauman folder, yeah.”

He’s doing work you usually do. Cute.

You knocked.

“Call you back,” said Tom as you opened the door, and he ended the call and muted the newscaster. “Are you doing okay? Need anything?”

Shaking your head, you said, “I wanted to be near you. I don’t have a reason.”

He grinned, which he suppressed into a close-mouthed smile that was almost a straight line. “Come on in, then. I’ll clear all this.” He straightened some stacks of files and was placing them on his bedside table when you joined him on the bed (the bed). “Something you wanted to talk about? Then why don’t you pick out a movie; we can both chill for a bit.”

Halfway through The Rocketeer (lying too close to each other, but still not touching; the closest was Tom’s triceps grazing the top of your head—he had folded his arms behind his head), Tom’s phone beeped. “Ffffuck,” he said, “That means it’s important. Otherwise it’s on silent.”

You tore your gaze away from the screen, instead taking in the curve of his bicep, the rise and fall of his chest, the—the deep scowl on his—

“Viper, you’ll want to see this.”

“I don’t want to see anything unless it’s your bare pectorals,” you said.

A brief smile, fading into a wince. “I mean it, Viper.”

“I’m on leave.”

You took his phone when he held it out.

A screenshot of Zendaya’s instagram account. The most recent post: a bedroom selfie. Zendaya was asleep, her hair spread across her pillow. The one who’d taken it was a shirtless man, pale, no discernible skin marks. Face cut off above a caustic grin. Black stubble. Sharp teeth. Necklace with a charm—a bell. Both of them under the covers; otherwise, it’d be exposed skin.

And a caption:

When you find out she’s all hat and no cattle Then you find out why a snake starts to rattle

***

de minimis: about the small things.

***

taglist: @hollandroos @bornsickbutilove @parsleysbaby @madmadmilk @magstorrn @tomhollandd @pparkerwrites @qxeen-of-hearts @stealth-spiderr @presidentbttrflyfreak @parkerbassett @paradoxparker @bi-writes @astronomyparkers @infamous-webhead @laurfangirl424 @softspideys @gryffinpuffs @plethoraofpuppies @laucontrerasv @shootingstarsaretearsofheaven @spiderboytotherescue @cassiopeiaskies

[themanofgloom]

Boogeydad Shenanigans

Summary: A cute, fun drabble about Ormad’s usual mornings with Rudy and what it’s like to sit inside his head!!

Trigger warnings: Plenty of self-deprecative thoughts, mentions of death, anxiety, cursing, drugs mention, ex-lover mention

If you can read it, it’s appreciated!! 

You’ve been staying awake for the past hour. What are you doing sitting in bed. What time is it? No, you don’t even have a clock in the mansion -- idiot. You’re an idiot, that’s what you are, you understand? It’s not like you didn’t not know that days ago but just givin’ you a little reminder in case you forgot.

Rudy needs to go to school. Get up. Make breakfast for her early.

Noooo.... Ormad shut his eyes and rolled to his side, face shoved into his pillow. It’s probably not that late. Or maybe it’s really early. Yeah... more time to sleep, more time to kick back and relax. That’s great. He stretched his arms and legs, groaning quietly before squishing up again. 

What’d he dream about last night? Wait-- no. Don’t think about it. Don’t, don’t, don’t. That was a hideous dream. He hated it. He scrunched his nose and moved it around. No, no, no. The dream was ugly and awful and he should think about something else. Like... like the blanket. The blanket smushed up against his back. Yes, think of that blanket like a person. Like, like a nice person cuddled up next to him because yes, they liked him very much, he was great.

No, that was stupid. Yes, it’s stupid, and I’m going to believe it.

Ormad sat up in his bed and blinked several times. His two dark feet stuck out at the end of his violet blanket. The room was pitch black; just the way he liked it. He yawned before laying back down again--

Squeeek!! Light poured into the room. He hissed and covered his face.

“Dad!” Rudy said. “Are you ready to go?”

Ready to go? What?? Then it hit him. A truck did. A truck of oh my lord, what a stupid ass you are!! “I-- um, well--”

“Come ooonnnn!” she urged. Rudy already had her signature hoodie on, as well as her sneakers (shoes in the house were fine -- were they?) and backpack. “They’re selling cupcakes in the morning today!!”

“Yes, yes, okay.” He clenched his fists and gritted his teeth as she skipped on away. He pursed his lips and glared at nothing. His head shook. 

Idiot, you could’ve been up earlier. You could’ve made her breakfast and you could’ve greeted her with a, “Good morning, sweetie! Look at all of this I made for you in just a few minutes!” You could’ve felt GREAT today and done something good for her, but instead you just laid here in bed like the lazy fool you are. Later on, when she grows up, she’s going to do the same thing; she’s not going to take care of you. She’ll let you wilt and suffer because you deserve it, you know that, you know--!

Ormad stumbled out of his room and slapped his hands through his hair. Messy. It was always messy. Not like he cared; he was too lazy to make himself look nice, anyway. He didn’t want to be so perked up and pretty and proper for the teachers. Because oh, what’d they expect out of him, some weird freak?

Hell yes he was a weird freak. Just not as weird as some other people. At least he could hide his weirdness. Yes.

Ormad met Rudy in one of the hallways. He was about to open up a portal to the Positive Side when she interrupted: “Dad!”

“Huh?”

“Did you pack stuff up? I got my water bottles, but where’s your backpack?” She wasn’t hostile or yelling in any way, but it sure as hell felt like it to him.

“Backpack? Why do I need a backpack?”

“Field trip! Remember?”

Oh no. Look. You big embarrassment. This is why she’s humiliated by you. First you slept in for hours without making her breakfast, and now she’s reminding you of something you should’ve remembered days ago. What the hell is wrong with you? Ormad clenched his fists and gestured wildly, not knowing what to do with his hands. “Um-- what do I bring, again?”

Rudy exhaled, her feet shuffling. “Daaaad. I talked to you about it yesterday.”

“I know.”

“And the day before.”

“I know, Rudy.”

“And now we’re gonna be late.”

“Can you tell me what I need?”

“The pamphlet we got and some shades.”

Pamphlet. Where the hell did he leave the pamphlet? Ormad’s stomach felt hot as he stormed around his room, searching anxiously through drawers and the sheets of his bed. Where was the pamphlet? Where the hell did he leave it? 

“Rudy? Do you know where I put it?”

“I mean, I gave it to you a week ago, and you said you’d put it somewhere safe.”

A week ago. You see, that’s a great excuse. It’s not your fault that you don’t know where it is; it’s just the long amount of time between now and then. See? You did nothing wrong. Rudy just gave it to you too early.

Ormad fussed about, looking through the living room.

No, don’t think shit about your daughter like that. She’s your daughter. She’s your baby. She looks up to you and if you look down at her like that, guess what! She’s going to abandon you when she grows up and she’s gonna frolic over to one of those Rulers in the Positive Side and you’ll lose custody and be all alone!! So then you’ll be in a lonely cycle again and you’ll probably end up trying to do stupid shit to get her back. Don’t think about your daughter like that, she’s not dirt, you’re dirt, you can let her walk on you because her feet can’t crush you, but ohhhhhhhhhhh you can’t walk on her, you understand? You do that and you’ll regret it for the rest of your life and you’ll probably be asking yourself, “Why am I even

“Found it!” Ormad declared, holding up the pamphlet with a shaking hand. 

“That’s great,” Rudy replied. “Come on. We gotta go!”

Ormad formed a backpack out of Negativity and stuffed the pamphlet into it. Then he looked himself up and down, tapping his claws together. “Do I look fine?”

“Yeah!”

“I should be disguised as someone. Something else. I’ll pretend to be a chaperone, but a Positive instead.”

“Dad, you’re fine.”

“Fine? I’m not fine. Maybe you are, but at this point they’ve gotten used to a human in their class. If they see me, there might be an attack on the trip and they’ll tear me apart, and then you’ll get hurt and die because you’re a human. You know that, right? How easily humans can bleed out like that?”

A sigh came from her, along with the rolling of her eyes. “It’s fine, Dad! Really.” 

“Tell me fine when you--” No. Cut it out. Cut it off. He sewed his lips shut before anything else could get out, and he closed his eyes and exhaled. Stop. Breathe. Your daughter is not your therapist. Do not treat her like one. You ugly, monstrous, disastrous garbage fool.

Ormad opened the portal, and the two of them went in.

***

“You didn’t have to say that to the tour guide,” Rudy mumbled.

“Well, I defend myself when I need to,” Ormad replied. “It’s a little hard to deal with.”

“What?”

“Being me. That’s hard to deal with.” He tapped his claws on the edge of the table. There were no Positives in the room they were in, but there were plenty of Positives in the room next door. They’d been kicked out.

Ormad clenched his jaw, and his heart sank. “Am I pitying myself again?”

Rudy rubbed the back of her neck. “A little bit.”

Damnit. He thought he wasn’t. God, why couldn’t he just talk about himself for once? 

Or maybe you talk about yourself all the time to the point where it sounds normal. You talk about yourself to yourself. That’s it. That’s normal for you. Change the topic and suddenly you’re being assaulted.

They sat there together in silence. Ormad was scratching the edges of the chair with his claws, bouncing his legs and glaring at nothing. Rudy sniffed. 

“Hey, Dad,” she said quietly. 

“... What is it, Rudy?”

Her small stubby fingers curled the strands of her dark hair. “Can I... tell you something? I’ve had it on my mind for a while now.”

“Anything, sweetie.” His heart was rising in his chest.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. What was she going to tell him? Was she going to say that he’d been using her as a doctor again? He thought he’d been just fine. No, you’re not fine and you know it. Something always slips by you, and before you can take it back the damage is already done and when you say sorry it just comes out as self-pity. So yes, maybe you did do something bad and now she’s going to tell you and your relationship with her is going to crumble and it’s going to be all your fault.

“There are therapists in the Positive Side,” Rudy told him. “Maybe you should get one.”

“... Therapist?” Ormad repeated, and he dryly chuckled. “I don’t need a therapist, Rudy. I’m completely fine on my own.”

“You don’t seem to be, Dad.”

“What are you talking about?” He ran a hand across the top of her head and gently patted it. “You’ve asked me this several times before. I’ve said no to every single question. I’m fine.”

“Yeah, I asked you,” Rudy said. “I said, ‘Dad, do you want to get a therapist?’ But right now, I’m just saying you should get one. You need to.”

“I don’t need one, Rudy. Trust me.”

“You said to the tour guide that if he didn’t want to feel the same pain and suffering that you do, he should ‘back the hell off.’“

Ormad clenched his teeth. “He was just angering me.”

“But it happened last field trip, too. And the one before that, you had a breakdown.”

“Then maybe I should just stop coming on field trips,” he admitted. He averted his gaze. “But I can’t just leave you unsupervised. Imagine what they can do to you when I’m not around, Rudy. Terrible things.”

“Dad.”

“Yes.”

“Get a therapist.”

Ormad sighed and said nothing.

“You need help. Just get one. Please.”

Why should he? He wasn’t a weak little victim. He wasn’t going to let himself be vulnerable and open again to the wrong people. Rudy was the only one who understood him. And he didn’t even need to vent to her! It was fine. They were a perfect family. They were fine.

But then when she’ll get older, you’ll look at her differently, won’t you? And maybe you’ll be like those petty humans on Earth. You’ll say, “Hey, since she’s older now, she can handle things better!” So you’ll dump and dump all your pour little feelings on her and then she’ll get humiliated, maybe say something like, “Dad, please, stop, you’re hurting me!! I hate you, i hate you!!” 

Because you don’t want to hear those words. You don’t want her to hate you because if she hates you, you’ll do anything and everything to get her to not hate you again. But she will continue to hate you when you don’t make the right choice and you can’t take it back because the mistake was YOUR fault, you understand? 

And then she’ll go over to the Positives and the Rulers will tell her all about you and the terrible things you did to them when you were younger. She’s gonna get poisoned by them and then she’ll probably break into the Negative Side and try to kill you. Maybe that’ll happen -- oh yes, that’ll definitely happen!! Because gueesss whaaattt? You’re a stupid foolish clown. You’re just some jester with strings attached to you lala la la la la dancing for everybody to laugh at because you always tend to slip up and embarrass yourself, like this morning, or maybe that one time you let Alice nearly overdose and she said it was your fault, YOUR fault, but you said no, so then later she broke up with you and then you left the Earth because boohoo, you couldn’t do enough, could you?

And that’s why you’ll always enter a new door in life just to break it and lock it shut, because everything you touch wilts like a flower, and that’s why Rudy’s going to die before she becomes an adult, and that’s why you were so alone when you were younger and that’s why everybody betrayed you and that’s why you’re unloved and you’ll be forgotten and nobody NOBODY will ever ever FORGIVE YOU for what youve done to them and next up youre going to be forgotten by your own daughter because of what youve done to her so

QUIET

Startled, Ormad let out a shaky sigh, closing his eyes. Rudy waited for a response, almost expecting none.

“Okay,” he mumbled. “I will. I’ll get one.”

For you, but not for me.

[jesslivesau]

jess au @iloveeverythingwaytoomuch

pre show jess: doesn't know anything except that sam told her some fucked up shit and she didn't really believe him much like amelia didn't believe jimmy but what's clear to her is that sam's upbringing was deeply fucked up in what might've been some kind of apocalypse doomsday cult and she can say "sam, it wasn't real" as much as she can til she's blue in the face but it isn't going to change the fact that sam is Deeply Fucked Up by Shit. and it upsets her and confuses her but he does a good job of setting it aside or knowing when to give in and he's such a sweet and Loving Dude otherwise so she just files it away in her bf trauma bank and keeps cheering him on

s1 jess: your bf's CRAZY brother shows up says he needs help finding your bf's CRAZY dad who may or may not have been part of a doomsday cult and you say, bitch i watched the heaven's gate documentary there is NO WAY i'm letting you leave with him, but he's not gonna Stay cuz he insists it's just for one night (and his brother DOES seem relatively stable, like, as a person), so jess insists she'll go too. while she's in the back seat sam tells dean he told her everything dean's like lol. sure. you believe in ghosts, sweetheart? and jess is like no but i do believe that i'll kick your ass if we don't get home in time for sam's interview tomorrow morning. and then the whole white woman thing happens and she's like oh fuck it's REAL but they DO GO HOME and instead of jess dying on the ceiling there's like idk ghost mary on the ceiling or some shit and they NARROWLY escape the fire together andddd idk they can't go back to stanford cuz it's not safe and their apartment complex literally went up in flames. there’s a more complex reason here but idk what it is. maybe it was brady (demon brady) who died or something IDK LISTEN ITS JUST AN AU

anyway all of season 1 when they’re trying to track down john jess is the voice of reason asking why do they need john in the first place? And eventually sam is like listen we don’t need HIM but if he’s got research on where yellow eyes is, that’s what we need. and dean is mad about that and he’s mad at jess and they bicker like crazy. and sam sleeps on the floor because dean is like dude cmon. don’t make me sleep in the same room as you and your gf together. maybe meg gets replaced by meg possessing jess, and she doesn’t get thrown out the window so when they exorcise her she just needs a hospital and then she’ll be ok. and that would explain why she’s in the hospital and not there for the finale, but can meet up with sam & john & dean in the hospital after

s2 jess: sam is so consumed by grief and fear that jess is actually the first one to notice that dean’s spirit might still be still Around. i’m imagining a scene where sam is asleep next to dean’s bed and jess is awake, and she slowly looks around towards dean and you see ghost!dean Connecting with her for the first time

obviously, all the grief episodes keep happening. maybe jess got seriously hurt as well tbh so she goes back to her parents house to recover; there’s an episode where the boys go meet her parents and dean and sam’s Daddy Issues come out in full force. eventually jess is back and kicking ass and slowly getting along more with dean, partially perhaps because of dean’s Grief Response to john’s death, which is that all the anger and hate comes bubbling up, and jess is like i don’t fucking know this dude, but from what sam’s told me, i hate him, which is not something that sam is in a position to Deal With right now. things proceed pretty much along the course

i am considering now if jess could also be a special child. she also has some kind of psychic abilities but i’d have to choose something cool for her. anyway if she IS then that gets her in the town with sam in all hell breaks loose which i think is the best place for her during that arc? i know all the other special children supposedly had to die but maybe her psychic power was to go inviisble or something lmfao i don’t fucking know. anyway dean has his sad monologue but jess either (a) fully shuts down or (b) just goes STRAIGHT to hunt down whatever the fuck his name is. jake? leverage man? that would be dope actually. and then actually dean, sam, bobby, and ellen actually meet her at the hell’s gate

s3 jess: truly does not understand why they’re hunting. gets into arguments with the boys all the time about how this is pointless, if you’re not gonna try and save yourself then why can’t you just put it down and let yourself have this year?? and dean’s a little bit like you know what jessica that makes a lot of damn sense. but it makes sam mad and they argue a lot about it and jess probably takes off halfway through the season. maybe after malleus maleficarum? partly cuz that’s the ep where ruby more or less becomes part of the team and also when she confirms that she can’t save dean from hell. and i just feel like jess would be like i cannot.... Sit Here.... and watch you both drive yourself into the ground. dean, if you’re gonna die, sam’s coming after you. you knew that. you just didn’t want him to go first.

maybe dean hits her lmfao and sam screams at him for it and jess just Walks Away, tearfully

s4 jess: so jess bailed midway through s3, but when dean wakes up and starts making calls in that phonebooth, he calls bobby and bobby hangs up, so he calls jess. and she comes and gets him.

jess and sam are obviously not together anymore, but jess is totally civil with sam and even with ruby. she’s like we can work together, it’s fine, whatever. and this is the season where dean and jess really bond and become a good Team. and cas is just usually confused why jess is Around but eventually gets used to her. i’ve toyed with jess being jewish which would lend a good and also funny perspective to all the heaven and hell stuff

jess heard about hell first from dean, but not the specifics of the stuff that dean told sam, not until after on the head of a pin. she’s their Lore Expert on seals and is trying to identify as many of them as possible so they can put in place safeguards, and maybe that bumps her up against angel priorities for an episode. maybe we get an episode where cas has to Threaten her 00 and he can say something like sam and dean are important..... you are not. remember that. and then [flappy wings vanish]

uhhhh jess’s siren in the siren episode....... is just like a carbon copy of sam lmfao. which is extremely funny and sam and jess will both kind of awkwardly clear their throats and not address that. i guess jess is just fucking stuck with bobby during the finale because the point of her presence is that she’s so USELESS to both demons and angels

s5 jess:  i’d probably add in an early episode where her parents are killed, probably by demons because the demons know they can’t touch the winchesters due to angel shit but they can fuck up jess as much as they want. then when sam and dean temporarily split up jess would go with dean cuz she’s a hunter now and has nowhere else to go and it doesn’t feel right to just sit around with sam. or maybe she also leaves and splits up and doesn’t stick with dean cuz she’s processing her own traumatic shit. at any rate, early in the season there’s a moment where sam is Gone and dean and jess are drinking together and talking about their feelings and they have a moment where they gaze at each other in the eyes and almost lean towards each other.... then jess goes you know what? this is fucking weird and dean is like oh thank god you said that absolutely this is too weird

in The End, it’s revealed that jess was killed and no one will tell dean more information or talk about her until he finds out that she was pregnant when she was killed (presumably with sammifer’s baby)

in changing channels they get put into a telenovela and sam and jess have an tearful emotionally charged confession scene in spanish. this is about when sam and jess finally get back together [cue cheering]

in the chuck eps it’s revealed chuck rewrote it so that jess died on the ceiling in the first book cuz he was like “i just didn’t think it made sense for her to be alive! it was literary symmetry that’s all!”

in sam, interrupted when sam is all high on meds that’s when he says lots of kooky sweet shit to jess about wanting to MARRY her and have a FAMILY together and it’s sweet and also dean throws up in his mouth a little bit having to hear it

in my bloody valentine the thing that jess is hungry for is Family but i do not know the logistics of how

in dark side of the moon jess does die with the boys but it takes a while to find her, tho they eventually do in one of sam’s favorite memories (probably from the first time they met or something). she’s like what the fuck i’m jewish

no, i have no clue how she factors into swan song. she just does, ok. lucifer can snap her neck along with bobby’s

s6 jess: she tried to check in with dean occasionally at the braedens, and actually had dinner with them once but started checking in less and less as the year went on, and it turns out she knew that sam was back and she’d been hunting with him + the campbells and a couple things

when dean finds out he is truly FURIOUS, but jess is like dean i saw you with lisa and ben! i saw you getting better! i saw you happy, i saw you ok, and hell i’ve only known you since you showed up in palo alto five years ago but it was the most at peace i’ve ever seen you, and i couldn’t take that away from you, and neither could sam.

she’s also like yes, dean, he’s different, he’s colder, it makes me sad but who was the one who put up with YOU when you were spiralling after your dad’s death? or when you were all buttoned up after you came back from hell? he did! so show him a god damn OUNCE of empathy, would you!

and when they find out he’s soulless jess is like. hm. and dean is like i TOLD you there was something wrong with him!!! and jess is like i mean.... yeah....... and maybe i didn’t really want to admit it... cuz.... the sex was So good.........

[soulless sam winks at her]

anyway, s6 happens the way it happens and that’s fine

s7: the only important thing that happens in s7 is that Season Seven, It’s Time For a Wedding! is actually about some sort of monster and the only way to kill it is to cast a spell but the spell must be cast by “two warriors joined before god” which means married and cas is awkward about it cuz he doesn’t want to Presume Anything 

and the whole episode is lots of sam and jess being like “i mean, of course, if you want to..... .like, but if you DON’T, that’s also totally fine, of course.... you know.... whatever you’re comfortable with” until finally they’re in the final battle and cas has to marry them the way barbossa does for will and elizabeth in potc and when dean is pinned against the wall by the monster he goes “DAMMIT JESS WILL YOU KISS MY BROTHER ALREADY” and then sam dips jess in a kiss and the monster is instantly obliterated [heart eyes]

i truly genuinely do not remember anything that happens in s7. anyway jess and sam are married now

s8: sam was with jess the whole year dean was in purgatory. they were struggling to get back to normal life after everything. dean is still fucking mad that sam didn’t go looking for him. i assume everything else goes pretty much according to whatever the fuck happened in s8 except jess at one point has to go to bat for benny cuz sam for some reason hates him so much

i’ve been toying with the idea of jess doing the trials not sam but i mean how can i take that away from my Boy

s9: i do not know anything that happened in this season ):

s10: see above

s11: see above

s12: now i never watched s12, but in this au there is no lucifer’s son jack. instead jess gets pregnant midway through the season; cas finds out first because he can sense it and he’s like why does it feel like there’s an extra being in the bunker, and then he spills to dean cuz he can’t keep a secret, and then dean is like “oh shit what are you gonna do” and jess is like well!!!! sam and i.... talked about this. we were.....open to the possibility. and dean is like wtf how could u possibly bring a child into this world that’s fucked up adn cas is like [wipes tear] that’s beautiful

anyway when they come back from some kind of hunt (probably something that involved claire) and sam and jess are in the bunker, sam goes “jess, seeing claire, seeing jody and the girls.... it makes me think.... i wanna have a family with you” and jess hugs him and then cas walks into the bunker with dean and is like “oh, have you told him about the baby?” and everyone SCREAMS at him

and cas uses his annual miracle allowance to just reverse time about 30 seconds so when he enters the bunker he just goes “i have nothing to say” and Fucking Leaves

the baby is born in the back of the impala in the s12 finale, on the way to the hospital. dean is devastated. he’ll have to reupholster the WHOLE THING. sam accidentally names the baby john but they don’t want to tell dean that so they decide to call him jack.

s13-15 gets to be mostly about how cute it is to have a wittle baby in the bunker. cas is the best babysitter because he loves babies and is very powerful so he can protect him. the occultum nonsense in s15 can be about finding a Safe Place for baby jack, no matter what happens to the rest of the world. sam tells jess, you go with him, you’ll be safe there. dean tells sam, you go with them, you’ll be safe there. all of that good good cute family stuff. was it the best idea to have a baby in the middle of constant apocalypses? maybe not, but like, they are ALWAYS in constant apocalypses, so at some point you just have to bite the bullet

anyway. please clap