#i was gonna go more in depth but yk what i think i would come off as strange and off putting

[trashcreatyre]

I love thinking about gay people

[thisgirlnamedblusy]

So hear me out, the first time Donna is close enough to reader while they sleep right? Well. Reader may have forgot to mention that they randomly stop breathing for a few seconds sometimes(it’s called sleep something that starts with an A) idk I think it’s kinda funny when I do that but yk. That or reader who had horrible depth perception and walks into things all the time so has bruises everywhere and forgets where exactly they come from

Yesss!!! Well, I chose the apnea option if you don't mind :))) Thank you for your request, I hope you like it and sorry about the language mistakes!!! :))))

Sleeping problems

Pairing: Donna Beneviento x Fem! Reader

Warnings: Fluff, reader has sleep apnea, protective Donna

Word count: 2,686

Summary: You live with Donna now, but maybe you forgot about telling her something...

N/A: Sorry about the language mistakes, Donna requests are open!! My other account problems are solved, but I've decided to stay here definetely :))) I'm gonna make a master list and rules soon. I love you all!! :))))

“Are you comfortable?” Donna asked, covering you with the sheets. Her hands trembled, revealing a more than obvious nervousness.

It wasn't like other times at the beginning of your relationship. This time you could say that her nerves were more than justified. After months of insisting, insisting and insisting, you finally decided to take the final step: abandon your old house in the village and live with her.

Donna was your first long-term relationship, and you had doubts too. If something went wrong, you didn't know what the consequences could be. She was still one of the lords of the place and if you hurt her, you would suffer her wrath, and probably Mother Miranda's as well.

But that absurd fear of discrepancies or disagreements disappeared as soon as you started to really get to know her. Donna would never hurt you, or at least it’s what your almost unhealthy heart made you think.

Donna Beneviento had many flaws…. Some of them were natural, others were caused by years and years of terrible loneliness. To get used to her fear of losing you or her completely unjustified jealousy didn't take you too long, although it's true that this obsession with possessing you was the hardest thing to adjust to. She was that way, and you could never change it.

“Yes, yes... I'm fine, Donna,” you replied amused, snuggling up next to her in bed. “Come on, calm down.”

“Okay, okay,” she sighed, freeing her black hair from the messy bun she always tied it in. “Forgive me, (Y/N), I'm just nervous.”

“Don't apologize,” you said, laughing, grabbing her hand tenderly making that tremor disappear. “By the way… What should we do now?” You asked, lowering your tone and purring very close to her ear.

“What do you want to do?” She asked back, avoiding one of your unexpected kisses.

“I don't know... You and me... A bed...” You said murmuring, running a finger along her waist.

She pulled away from you and shook her head, a tender smile on her face.

“No, tesoro... Not tonight,” she said in a soft voice, suppressing the shiver that your touch made her feel.

“Why?” You asked, disappointed.

“Tonight is a very special moment, I don't want to ruin it.”

“Ruin it? Hey…” You said, pretending to be offended.

“No, I'm not saying that because I don't like it, (Y/N)... I just... I just want our first night together to be special...”

“Oh, well, okay,” you said reluctantly, lying down again and forgetting the desire that had already begun to form inside you. “So?  We are going to just sleep?”

“Aren't you excited to sleep with me?” She asked, letting out her demons, the shadows that made her doubt your feelings.

“What? Of course, of course, darling,” you said, scared by her heavy breathing. It wasn't easy to deal with her problems. Sometimes you forgot how sensitive she could be.

“You don’t love me?” She asked, her eye shining, with an expression of genuine terror. Time to act.

“Well, of course I love you, Donna... Come on, relax, breathe, breathe with me,” you said, grabbing her hands, sitting on the bed and keeping your gaze on hers. “That's it… take a breath…”

She obeyed your instructions and finally relaxed.

“I'm sorry, (Y/N). I wish I didn't have these… Flaws,” she said, snuggling next to you under the covers.

“Don’t worry. We all have flaws,” you replied, caressing her body and kissing the palm of her hand.

“Not you,” she said with a hoarse voice.

“Oh, of course I have…”

Donna looked at you curiously, reaching out with her hand to turn off the light on the table and make darkness fall over your embraced bodies.

“Go to sleep, princess... The truth is that I'm very excited to wake up next to you,” you said softly, planting a soft and tender kiss on her cheek.

“Really?” She asked, excited again.

“Really…”

Moving the stuff you had in your house to the Beneviento estate was an exhausting work. You didn't really know why you were interested in doing anything different than sleeping. Tiredness made your eyelids close immediately and, with the heat of her body pressed against yours, you fell into a deep sleep.

Even though you weren't used to that bed (at least to sleeping on it), nothing could stop you from dreaming peacefully like every night.

“Mmm,” you murmured when the light on the table made you squeeze your eyes tightly.

“(Y/N)... You're awake,” Donna whispered, looking at you, sitting on the bed and running a hand over your cheek. You smiled when you felt her caresses and yawned lazily.

“Yes, now I am...” you murmured with your voice hoarse from sleep. “What time is it?”

“8 o'clock,” she responded, studying your gaze in a strange way.

“Oh my God, I’ve slept so well...” you said, sitting up and stretching comically.

“I don't think so, idiot... You...” Angie's squeaky voice made your ears tremble.

“Angie, shut up,” Donna said sharply, making her doll flee the room in terror.

“What is she talking about?” You asked, still with problems to open your eyes.

“Nothing, it doesn't matter,” Donna said, perhaps a bit abruptly. “Have you really rested well?”

“Of course, why do you ask?” You wanted to know, taking a sip of the glass of water on your table.

“Oh, it's nothing,” Donna responded, with that look that betrayed a filthy lie.

“Did you sleep well?” You asked, giving your girlfriend a quick kiss on the lips. She stood still for a moment, until she smiled softly and nodded.

“With you by my side, tesoro, I have rested better than ever," she whispered into your lips, kissing you again before getting up. There was something strange in her gaze, but you ignored it. “You want breakfast?”

“Of course, of course. I'm quite hungry,” you said happily, as she got out of bed.

That was the first day of many others. Living with her was the best decision of your life, without a doubt. Your relationship only got better and better. Although, it is true that strange things happened every night. Sometimes you had the feeling that you were waking up, or rather, that you were being woken up, by gently moving your body. You didn't give it the slightest importance.

One afternoon, as was customary, you rested on her chest while you took a hot bath. With the cold outside, it was an unimaginable pleasure.

Donna yawned loudly, making you turn your head in amusement.

“Are you sleepy?” You asked with a slightly mocking tone. The water moved when you wanted to turn around and face her.

“No, I... Well, maybe a bit,” she responded, cupping your face in her hands. “Come, I like to caress you.”

The doll maker turned you around again, making your head rest on her bare chest again, under the pleasant temperature of the hot water.

“It's 5 in the afternoon,”  you continued mocking.

“Oh, is it?” She asked, relaxing her breathing, gently grabbing your waist.

“Yes, that's what the clock says,” you said, amused.

Although everything was going perfectly well, Donna was weirder than usual.

“Oh, of course, the clock tells the time...” she said in a tired, almost delirious tone. You frowned and made another attempt to turn around, frustrated by her hands pressing you against her chest.

“Donna, honey… Are you okay?” You asked, joining your hands with his under the water.

“Yes, yes...” she sighed. You shrugged.

“Okay, then... Do you feel like taking a walk? I heard there is a meteor shower tonight,” you said, making her arm pass through your chest, surrounding it affectionately.

“Mm,” she murmured, taking advantage of the position of her arm to continue caressing you, slower and slower.

“I always liked to see how the stars fall from the sky... When I was little I always asked myself what would happen if they touched the ground...”

“Mm”

“I imagined that they would fall like diamonds, shining in the darkness of the night, and that I could take one home. How silly, don't you think?”

That time, not even a soft murmur left her lips. You moved, surprised. You always liked to talk too much and Donna always listened to you with her full attention.

You turned slowly, removing her now motionless arm from your body.

Donna had her head resting on the bathtub, breathing deeply with her eye closed. You couldn't believe what you saw.

“Donna,” you said, amused. “Hey, Donna!” You screamed louder, splashing some water on her face.

“Mm? What?” she asked, shaking her head confused, making a face of disgust at the water you threw in her face. “Dove siamo?”

“What? You’re asking me where are we? Donna, honey, we're home... In the bathtub...” You said in disbelief, watching as she looked erratically to the sides, blinking repeatedly. “You have fallen asleep.”

“Have I?” She asked, sighing, sitting up. “Oh, well…”

“It's not the first time in several days that I see you falling asleep around the house, are you sure you're okay?” You asked, brushing the hair from her face. She nodded, once again giving away the lie.

“Oh, I... Well... Yes, I'm fine, just... You know, the heat of the steam... Being here with you... I've relaxed too much, I'm so sorry.”

“Don’t worry...” you said with a suspicious look, kissing his wounded cheek carefully.

As the days passed, her sudden naps became more and more frequent. You knew something was wrong with her, but she didn't want to tell you. You began to believe that it had something to do with you, and that it had a lot, a lot to do with a small detail about you that you had never told her about.

“Angie, where is Donna?” You asked, closing the book you were reading. The doll shrugged. You looked at the clock on the wall and frowned. “It's almost lunch time, normally at this time she is already cooking.”

“Hey, stupid (Y/N), you think my Donna is your slave?” The doll protested, climbing onto the couch next to you.

You rolled your eyes.

“No, Angie. If she let me cook I wouldn't be asking.”

“That's because your food is garbage, garbage!” The doll screeched irritatingly.

“It's funny that a porcelain doll without stomach or sense of taste tells me that,” you said mockingly, crossing your arms. “Anyway, I'm going to look for her, I'm sure she hasn't noticed the time.

After avoiding the throwing of objects that Angie usually protested with, you took the elevator down. It was quite common for time to fly by for her when she worked on her dolls.

“Donna? It's me, are you there?” You asked softly, knocking on the workshop the doors. “Donna?”

There was no response, which made you a bit nervous. You decided to leave education aside and open the door yourself. The sight before you was funny and strange at the same time.

Sure enough, Donna was there, sitting in one of the chairs. But she wasn’t focused like she usually was. No, this time her head was resting on the table, making soft sounds, suspiciously similar to the ones she made when she fell asleep.

“I don’t believe what I see,” you said, holding back your laughter, slowly approaching the woman. “Hey, Donna,” you said, moving her back slowly, caressing it so as not to startle her.

“(Y/N)?” The woman in black growled, raising her head from the table. On her cheek, she had stuck a color palette, which had smeared paint all over her face. Your desire to laugh only increased.

“Were you putting on makeup?” You joked, under her disoriented gaze.

“What? No, no... I was... I was painting a doll and...” She said in a hoarse voice, running her hands over her stained face. “Oh, not again…”

“You fell asleep again, huh?” You said, crossing your arms. “Look what you've made to your face. Come, let me help you.”

“Yes, yes I... Oh...” She murmured confusedly, letting you help her to stand up.

The two of you walked to the sink in the next room and carefully cleaned the paint stains from her face.

You ran the water over her face, removing most of the paint.

“Sit down, my love,” you said lovingly, grabbing a towel that was near the sink. She simply nodded, embarrassed.

While you passed the towel over her face, definitively cleaning it, you decided that it was time to talk about those naps.

“Donna,” you whispered, sighing and bending down, putting your hands on her shoulders so she could look at your face. “I’m worried about you.”

“About me? Why? I'm fine,” she said, pathetically looking away from her.

“You lie terribly,” you said, amused. “I've been living with you for two weeks and... I don't know, Donna, something's wrong with you, you're constantly exhausted.”

“I don't…”

“Come on, tell me what's happening. Look at you... It seems like you haven't slept in days,” you said, delicately lifting her chin. “You don’t sleep?”

She didn't respond. She simply shook her head slowly.

“Don’t you? Wow, am I moving too much?” You asked, sitting in a chair next to her.

Donna shook her head again.

“Okay...” You said to yourself, thoughtful.

“You... Sometimes you... No, you stop breathing,” Donna said, with trembling hands, as if the mere fact of saying something like that disturbed her. “Every night I hug you and… Suddenly, your chest stops moving, I can't hear your breathing. You always do it again but... I'm, I'm really afraid that one day...”

“Oh, that was it!” You said, with a tone perhaps too high. “Don't worry about that, Donna. It's normal, it's happened to me since I was little.”

“Don't worry? I'm saying that you stop breathing, (Y/N),” she said with a serious, stern tone.

“Yes, I know,” you whispered, amused, relieved to finally know the problem. “It's something that happens to many people. It's called sleep apnea.”

“I've never read anything about that,” Donna said, feeling ashamed of her ignorance.

“Well, it's nothing you have to worry about. Sometimes I stop breathing for a few seconds while I'm sleeping, but I always do it again. The doctor said there was nothing to worry about.”

“Why hadn't you told me before?” She asked, offended by what she believed was a lack of trust.

“Because I don't consider it something important...” You sighed, smiling in relief. “Wait, wait,” you said, frowning, when some revelations crossed your mind. “Haven't you slept all these nights?”

She shook her head, looking down again.

“I stay awake to watch you. If, if something happens to you while I'm sleeping I... I don't know what would happen to me.”

You couldn't help but burst into loud laughter.

“Does it seem funny to you?” She asked offended.

“No, no... It just, it just seems very cute to me, Donna... So that's why you fall asleep anywhere, because you're awake at night... Have I ever told you how much I love you?”

“This is serious, (Y/N),” the woman scolded you, her gaze cold.

“No, no... You shouldn't worry so much, really... Do you trust me?”

“I do”

“Then forget about it, okay? Stop watching me at night. Nothing will happen to me, I promise. Not sleeping is very dangerous for your health.”

“Losing you would be even worse,” she stated sadly, looking for your hand to squeeze it tightly with hers.

“You're not gonna lose me”

After those sincere words, you leaned to kiss her tenderly, to say with a kiss how much you loved her, how much you were happy about the enormous love she felt for you.

“Now, honey, go to bed, get the rest you need. I'll make the food, even if Angie says it's garbage.”

“Oh, come on, she doesn't mean it,” Donna said, amused, getting up from the chair with your help.

“Shh, shut up and go to sleep, my beautiful Donna... I love you so much...” You sighed, not being able to avoid kissing her again.

“Me too, (Y/N), me too...”

[19burstraat]

proving kaz is a tidemaker, even tho it's not canon and shouldn't be, but I'm gonna argue for it anyway

I already made this post ages ago and now this has been in my drafts for even longer, I just unearthed it... but I'm making it again, more in depth, bc I didn't hit on everything I wanted to last time. obviously this isn't canon bc the point of kaz is he's Just Some Guy and how that really really pisses off more powerful people, and I think that's definitely best, Kaz NEEDS to be otkazat'sya for his function in the story... but if you ever wanted to prove it in a fic, shit is EASY. (I am vaguely considering how it might work out in a fic. we'll see. I've done stuff that couldn't/I wouldn't want to be canon before with my jordie-lives fic, so...) I'll mostly talk in the context that he'd be a tidemaker bc I feel like that's the conclusion a lot of this comes to, but some of the points are more generalised.

obviously the basic argument everyone makes for this is that the reason kaz was able to get back to shore from reaper's barge is bc, subconsciously or not, as a tidemaker he could control the currents to help him, since that's one of the most basic tidemaker powers. in the harbour scene, he notices that the tide has moved to work against him, but it doesn't seem to prove much of a problem; he attributes it to his new will to survive, but... Well. Kaz is exceptionally good at withholding information, even in his own POV.

grisha not using their powers become ill or weaker; kaz isn't really physically ill but he has an element of the underfed and sallow about him that's generally attributed to living in the barrel.

kaz is also ESPECIALLY horrified by the state of mikka, the tidemaker under the influence of jurda parem at the start of SOC; this is attributed to his past trauma and his dislike for things he can't rationally explain, which, yeah, but he is thrown in a way we don't really see again for the rest of the series. he instantly thinks of jordie, and it's maybe the one time he succumbs to superstition in the whole series.

the obvious explanation for how kaz knew that coffee extract and paraffin hid the scent/evidence of grisha is that he's very clearly involved in smuggling (jesper mentions how coffee grounds were used when packing smuggled jurda shipments) but the second explanation,,, is that he uses them himself. he comes up with the solution with IMMENSE speed and he just like, has the coffee extract around. ok, sure, not that hard to get hold of, but still. and coffee gets mentioned in relation to him at least a few times, most noticeably the 'bitter coffee eyes' thing inej uses, which is amusingly romanticised, but also... inej why do you associate coffee w kaz... something you've noticed abt him?

(but then, you wonder why he didn't suggest this to jesper previously; the answer I'm sure he would give you is he did, when it was a problem. before that it wasn't a problem and jesper was doing fine at staying hidden on his own)

the gloves can also add to this one, since they presumably at least cover his wrists and therefore his pulse somewhat, though obviously that's not their main function.

recovers with startling speed from nearly drowning at the ice court; matthias has to get his breathing going again but he's almost immediately fine after. I know yk, heist fantasy book, gotta keep going, but still

kaz is almost completely correct about the methods, powers of, and appearances of the council of tides (one single thing, the method of hiding their faces, is wrong.) impressive, no...? he is also shockingly apathetic in the face of their threats; they fill his lungs up with water and he just coughs it up and then is like "lol" immediately after. this is funny no matter what the fact of the matter (major general of the idgaf war) but the fact his link to them is left hanging is also a thread that could be easy to pick up. I think it would be hilarious if he was secretly in the council, but I won't stretch it that far bc they clearly don't like him lmao, that would have to be a proper AU.

in the dregs, kaz has a corporalki (nina) and a materialki (jesper) but no etheralki. wouldn't it be prudent to recruit one, if he could find one? or maybe he doesn't need one. if he already has one around, for an emergency of emergencies... for a rainy day... (ha ha)

the way kaz's trauma is often described as manifesting, is with the rising of the harbour waters; so it's pretty reasonable to suggest that in suppressing that, he'd also, inadvertently or not, suppress any kind of tidemaker/etheralki impulse or power. possibly he can't even tell the difference between the two, or they're so tangled up he can't really separate them anymore, which is why he doesn't so much as even think to attempt to use it. still, if this was the case I think improvement with one would not necessarily improve the other, or vice versa. kaz hypothetically using grisha power he'd had suppressed would not magically make his touch aversion go away, I think that'd be weird, and I'd not want his PTSD to be passed off as solely being the sickness from not using grisha power, that's reductive as hell. but I can see them certainly being two things very much intertwined.

we don't know a lot about grisha who are native to kerch, but assumedly he'd not have had much cause to use it in his childhood, on a farm somewhere inland, so most, if not all, of his experience with using it would likely be irretrievably tied to ketterdam and jordie so no wonder he just wouldn't use it. I don't think he'd even see it as feasible. perhaps it would be a very very final resort, but he'd never let it get to that point, he'd always want to try something else first. and anyway, he'd not be trained.

the sankt vladimir story is also thematically quite close to Kaz; holding back the harbour waters until he's finally too exhausted and lets it drown him. I like this regardless of this analysis actually it's a good comparison. patron saint of the drowned and unlikely achievement....

even if kaz wasn't an otkazat'sya, after all that happened, I think he'd try very hard to pretend he was. it couldn't save jordie, therefore in his extreme as hell thinking around that entire thing, I imagine he'd reason it wasn't useful, that he could get on better without it, and, like jesper, think it was a liability.

this would add a wild layer to him being the one to have the jurda parem on him for almost all of crooked kingdom; it would make it feel like his plan z was to take it himself. certainly he'd sooner do that than let jesper take it.

and finally: thematically, it slays. like half of the imagery around kaz (and kanej) centres around water (think the bathroom scene, how he only washes in front of her, etc) and that plays into both of their trauma, plus religious imagery, all this... it's a fantastic bit of extra theming. it just doesn't really work with how his character operates.

basically I think you could DEFINITELY make it work and it'd be a killer fic but again it's one of those things, like jordie living, that I don't really want to be canon because it undermines something about kaz's character that I consider pretty critical; in this case, that kaz is not really endowed with any special power or circumstance, he's just bloody-minded and clever, but that's enough for him to pull off almost impossible jobs anyway.

[cocozydiaries]

more mha dr asks!!!!!!!!!!

do u have any ideas for your hero costume etc.

anyone you're excited to meet??

any sort of idea on what you look like (physical description ig)

YESS MORE ASKS!! love these sm coz i gotta dig through the depths of my mind to answer them.

question when you guys ask me stuff do you like the overly long answers or should i keep it short? coz like the original answers were wayy longer this is literally me tryna keep it short😭 i actually have a problem

Hero costume:

tbh like most things i’m leaving this one for when i shift there but unlike most things it isn’t coz i want my subconscious to decide. Honestly i do not have the sense of style needed to come up with a good hero fit HOWEVER my drself does!!

i definitely want smth either pink or blue. me and uraraka are gonna be twinin🤭!!

i also know that i want smth kinda flowy. i loooove dresses and i mean i feel like smth flowy would just match my water based quirk yk?

i don’t have any inspo but honestly i’m probably not gonna look very hero like😭

anyways might be kinda odd but i looooove magical girl type of outfits sm! and before y’all go “but that’s so impractical for hero work!” not for me it’s isn’t 🙄

i genuinely did script i have a magical girl type of concept tho but still sorta practical to work in😭

Who i’m excited to meet:

i already know ik them in my dr but i cannot wait to meet my dr family! might be kinda cringe but i actually just might like my family??

i scripted in my cr sibling’s because idk🧍‍♀️. tbh i just can’t imagine being anywhere without them😭

i also can’t wait to meet my cat!! My family adopted a ton of pets because rich people but I specifically ended up with a stray cat i found at the pharmacy.

funnily enough that’s actually smth that happened to me here! except my mumsies said i can’t have the cat so instead the pharmacy took her in but i still get to visit her whenever i go there (she’s so lovely i love her sm!) anyways in my dr i ended up getting to adopt her instead. happy ending yippee.

AND I CANT WAIT TO SEE HER SHES LITERALLY MY BBY☹️ i also scripted (for my own mental health) that pets live wayyy longer now by like 10-20 whole more yrs coz i cannot imagine any of my kids dying before me

if you were wondering the total amount of pets we got a cat, dog, snake, and duck. and like random bird feeder thingies my parents added to the garden. the whole food chain ong

ig i’m also excited to meet up with some old childhood friends? Genuinely asking tho would it be weird to meet up with someone you used to be really close friends with but haven’t seen in a few years😭? Me and my drself are both baffed.

AND OCHAKO ML🫶🫶 i’m gonna meet her at UA probably BUT I HOPE I MEET HER BEFORE THAT TBH😭 but trust we’re gonna be besties

i scripted i’m super good at baking coz she mentioned she likes sweet stuff so i’m gonna spoil her with all sweet stuff i make😈 devious plan

Appearance stuff:

since this is a safe space… i feel i should share that i did in fact change my appearance. I don’t have a specific face claim (i wanna be surprised tbh) but mostly i just changed some of my facial features to their best version. looksmaxxingcore unironically i fear💔

i scripted that my face looks pretty and whatnot (in a very like unique way coz ugh she’s so different and quirky and unique🙄) but i still look and feel familiar to myself.

Also idk if you guys have heard that theory but like apparently after spending enough time with someone you start to look like them? Ik that theory generally means like clothes and aesthetic rather than actual facial features but i did script that even tho me and my siblings are adopted we somehow look similar to each other and our parents.

But the biggest change is probably my hair. in a reality where i can have any hair colour and you think i’m not going pink?

anyways i scripted that i have like pink streaks of hair in my otherwise black hair!! gonna match so well with my hero outfit!

smth like this!!

tbh it doesn’t matter coz i do dye my hair often so i’m probably gonna end up with a ton of different hair colours anyways

aside from that my hair is still its lovely curly self! i love my curls and never wanna get rid of them but i did script if i like straighten my hair that it STAYS straight even if i sweat and whatnot. i haaaaate when you get those curly little wisps peeking through coz of that😭

anyways that’s all for now! i love answering asks sm so this was real fun but i also love hearing about ur mha drs SO TAG ME IF YOU POST ABOUT THOSE

[andro-dino]

I think this is a good one, if you like to rant a little, what are the (in your opinion) the 5 mfb characters that get misunderstood/mischaracterized the most, by the fandom?

oh my! surprise 5 things? in my inbox? more likely than you’d think

also this is such a good one I have so much to say on this

5. Kira’s frequent mistreatment makes me sad because he’s a very interesting and complex character with SO much to explore in regards to his upbringing and trauma and how that affects his character in the present and going forward, but a lot of people tend to portray him as a very one note crAaAaAzy villain and sexualize him to some of the worst degrees just because of his character design. It’s really unfortunate because there’s so much to love about him but it is a minefield trying to find anything for him

4. I’m not gonna blame people for misunderstanding and mistreating the garcias bc the show doesn’t even respect them but I’m still gonna be upset about it. I could go on and on about why the garcias were so poorly handled but like, when you think about their characters a little harder, you can really easily understand them from a more sympathetic view and how not only their environment but the way they were treated and used by the adults around them shaped how they behave throughout the series and like. Again, not blaming anyone for disliking them or seeing them solely as static villains bc they are not well written at all but I do wish people would give them a little more nuance, yk? I’ve taken the liberty of taking sole custody over them bc I could treat them so much better than the show, so I might be on of the only people who really sees this perspective just bc of how much I’ve diluted myself with my own noncanon analysis but yk.

3. I’m gonna go ahead and lump kyomado together because while I do think people don’t treat them with the nuance they deserve on their own, it is 10x worse when it comes to people shipping them specifically. And that makes me especially mad because kyomado was one of my first ships in any fandom and I still really like them together, but Jesus Christ people take them in the worst direction possible. It’s always so stereotypical with Kyoya being the cool hot closed off and aggressive one and Madoka being sweet and kind and submissive to him and it’s like. No!!! NO‼️‼️💥💥💥💥💥 They’re characters are so interesting together in my eyes because they’re relationship is built on mutual respect and ability to stand up to each other. Yes Madoka can be sweet and caring to him, but she is in no way submissive and is readily able to challenge him and call out his bullshit. Yes Kyoya can be cold and aggressive but he is not some abusive shitty YA male lead, he’s an angsty teen who genuinely recognizes Madoka’s abilities and respects her. I think you could make a similar argument for how people treat him with Hikaru as well but I personally find it far worse with Madoka, which makes me so sad bc I love this ship but hate a lot of the shippers and content for it :(

2. Gingka i dont think is as prevalent today, but I have seen the horrors and my god are they rough. The woobification of Gingka Hagane is an actual crime and should be treated as such. Im not even that big a Gingka stan or anything but I become fucking enraged whenever I see him portrayed as some soft and submissive uwu boy because there is so much more complexity and depth to his character and yaoifying him does that such a disservice. Idfk what show they were watching because in no universe is Gingka some sweet and innocent soft boy.

1. Damian. DAMIAN 100% IS THE WORST AND IT MAKES ME SO MAD. IDK WHAT IT IS ABOUT HIM THAT ATTRACTS FREAKS BUT 99% OF DAMIAN STANS ARE ABSOLUTELY VILEEEEE AND I HAVE NO RESERVATIONS IN SAYING THAT. It genuinely makes me so viscerally upset because I love Damian, he’s one of my favorite characters and I go absolutely rabid every time I think about him but OH MY GOD the way this fandom treats him is so awful. I mean it when I say it disgusts me how much people oversexualize him and mischaracterize him as some dominant and cool sex god or whatever because it is just so far from what he actually is and HES LIKE 13 ALSO????? LIKE YOU CANT EVEN KID YOURSELF INTO THINKING HE MIGHT BE ON THE OLDER END HE IS GENUINELY PINT SIZED AND ACTS LIKE A SPOILED CHILD THAT IS A FUCKING KID. Damian is an incredibly complex and interesting character with so much depth and lore. He is a deeply traumatized child with a godcomplex who screams when he gets dirty or his worldview is challenged, he is not some sexy flirtatious guy who’s got everything together. It’s one thing to focus solely on the power scaling side of him and disregard his character, but it’s a whole nother thing to sexualize him and remove him so far from the context of his story for the sake of whatever these freaks are on about.

[alltimefail-sims]

Do you have any tips for getting into/making sims stories? (Idk what to call them lol, but like your strangersville story), and tips for taking posed screenshots because I’m struggling-

Hello, friend! 🤗

I am so genuinely flattered that you would ask me for advice. I'll admit, I've only been officially on simblr for a little over a year and I'm just getting a groove in posting, so I'm still learning about the storytelling format and posing aspect, too. Here are some really great posts that helped me:

@seaslugsims: Storytelling Resources Part 1

and Storytelling Resources Part 2

Storytelling Tips and Tricks thread started by @citylighten (Check the reblogs on this one - so many amazing, experienced creators have weighed in on their personal tips and tricks)

I hate posing sims, but I've found that it just takes practice and patience. @ts4-poses is a great resource blog for finding poses because it is organized into categories, making finding a specific pose less overwhelming. Put all the sims you need for a story post in the same household so you have full control of them all. Ravasheen's ISO Camera for in-game photos is what dreams are made of because the photos always come out perfect and no one has to be behind the camera to take the picture. When taking photos using the tab key, take them from multiple angles so you have a lot of options when editing your posts.

I also would say don't be afraid to just keep asking for advice! If you see a post you like, don't be afraid to ask someone how they did it! I've learned so much just by going to creators like "Hey, this post you made was so great... what editing do you use? Do you use a reshade/gshade shader? Do you resize photos?" You can learn a lot from others, and over time with practice (and a lot of trial and error) you will gain your footing and develop a style of your own!

Now, onto where I have personal experience: getting into stories and making stories! For me personally, a good story is all about characters and world building. Because simblr stories give you an opportunity to show varying perspectives and focus on more than one character's viewpoint (kind of like a comic or TV show), you can best take advantage of that by writing in-depth characters you love (or love to hate, lol). Knowing the setting and how the characters fit into that setting is really the backbone of any good story, and if you care about the details and you care about those characters, your audience will feel that! Also knowing what you like to write helps, too! I like sci-fi, fantasy, and coming of age; I like mysteries and love stories are my lifeblood (I'm a hopeless romantic); and I am a sucker for a good found family trope... so that's what I write! You'll never catch me writing horror stories full of loss, or adult romance stories, nor am I gonna pop out a teen drama (yk like Degrassi-esque or Disney Channel) or something cutting-edge/dark/with a strong visual aesthetic (like Euphoria) because I know that's not my thing (and editing is not my strength - I would HATE spending hours editing posts where some others might love that part of the process. I don't write or create something because I think it will be popular or on-trend or garner viewership (even though wanting validation is not a bad thing imo) I just create to create. I create using my strengths first, and I would recommend you write to your strengths and don't feel like you have to rush the process.

My biggest piece of advice is that if you have a story to tell, tell it! Trust me, someone (or a lot of someones) will love it. You may only get a few views at first, or it may take off right from the jump, but regardless your story is worth telling. Start by just opening a google doc and jotting down ideas as they come to you until one sticks. Don't be afraid to shelf what doesn't work or what you're not feeling any more. My Strangerville story was not my first venture on simblr, but it is the only one I have loved enough to keep up with.

Lastly, please let me know when you do put your story out there. You've already got one fan!!! 📣💕

[autocann1bal]

whoever asked for my lockwood and co playlist, you are in for it :)

so ive decided to give the link to the playlist as well as come up with scenarios for each song so this is. gonna be a big doc. (also book spoilers)

heres the link to the actual playlist (ps if anyone knows the artist please let me know!!)

luv l8r - mom jeans im going to be honest, stole this from a fic, not much to say, just a song that reminds me of them

september - sparky deathcap the instrumental just gives cozy vibes, like something theyd listen to together whilst reading in the library, possibly cuddled up on the couch who knows. maybe even a cheeky little george pops in to bring them more tea, and sees them cuddled up on the couch and smiles before leaving the tea at the door as not to disturb them (alternatively: he joins them bc romantic locklyle + qpr george is a wonderful thing)

buzzcut season - lorde LOOK IDK ITS JUST SO THEM I CANT EXPLAIN IT THEYRE JUST SO. its a song with such a nostalgic feeling and i feel like it fits them, its a sort of montage song, at least to me. its a song that reminds me that theyre kids, because they really are just kids being put in these awful situations.

stars will fall - duster yet another library song, less romantic this time id guess, more just all 3 of them reading respectively in the library. lockwood probably reading old newspapers, lucy some sort of novel, and george either reading his comics or researching for a case.

drip drip drip fall - ewy a lockwood song, do with that what thou shalt :)

main character syndrome - wilbur soot another lockwood song. hes got main character syndrome and we all know it. seems a kipps vs lockwood sort of song yk? the lines "its not a problem its his niche" and "he smiles with only half his face" feel so very lockwood to me.

evans song - flower face OMLGFHKJGFHKJFJGH. its lucys song to lockwood. we get plenty of lockwood being a pathetic simp, but what about lucy? "to think i thought ive loved before, to think i fought so many wars" feels like a lucy line. she loved norrie (romantically and platonically (personal hc)), but shes never loved someone the way shes loved lockwood. theyve saved eachother countless times. i love them <3

shadow moses - bring me the horizon my playlist is. all over the place and you can really tell with this one. im not really sure specifics for this one but its definitely an angsty song so something along the lines of lucy getting ghost locked and lockwood panicking -> "can you tell from the look in her eyes/we're going nowhere"

call me what you like - lovejoy feels very "lockwood using holly as a replacement for lucy after she leaves" sort of deal. i will go more in depth on this one if anyone would like but i fear it may make the post longer than it needs to be just please dont attack me over this dhfdfgkjg.

a pearl - mitski HMHMMHMHMH necklace. the pearl is the necklace, lockwood is the war, shes fallen so deep in love. again this is post her leaving, pre her return. shes in an inn somewhere swirling the necklace around her fingers, missing him more than anything, thinking he didnt want her there. pain :D.

long long time - linda ronstadt MWAHKAHKJDFG this ones for the tlou fans. yall know :)

under the weather - corpse like i said. very all over the place playlist. yet another lockwood angst song, probably some sort of sickfic type deal, but more lockwood needs a mental health day and lucy (+ possibly george, depending on your personal hc (i am so mentally ill for romantic locklyle + george qpr)) caring for him and just. cozy vibes but also really sad bc <33

all we ever wanted was everything - bauhaus RAHHH SHOW CANON SONG. its just so them <33

blue hair - tv girl YOU CANT TELL ME THIS ISNT A LOCKWOOD SONG ITS SO HIM CMON. minus. the. misogyny yk

chemistry - kimya dawson lucy song [everyone gasps]. 'how did we end up here?/you said happenstance' hmshdhrg lucy asking lockwood how they ended up in the Consensual Workplace Relationship and they just talk and talk and talk afterwords, probably sometime late morning yk cozy just woke up vibes.

clementine - elliott smith herrhfhf scrungly soft locklyle vibes in the morning, waking up together, getting ready for the day together, they end up dancing in the kitchen to this song smiles i love them cries wails sobs

bouquet - ichiko aoba do i know what shes saying other than the flowers? no!!! is it cozy vibes? yes!! they are falling asleep after a long day listening to it i cant explain why

empire ants - gorillaz ft little dragon i. honestly do not know. another song similar to buzzcut season, feels like a reminder that theyre just kids. very well may be a lucy breakdown song who knows :)

it will come back - hozier we got our first hozier song boys. lucy leaving, lockwood breakdown, listening to this on repeat hoping wishing praying that she'll come back.  wishing more than anything.

rule #27 - drunk on pride - fish in a bird cage lockwood is constantly drunk on pride, everyone knows it, everyone feels it. this is probably something along the lines of lucy and george being worried for him as he goes into a particularly dangerous job, fully confident and all to prideful. he comes out of it alive, but damaged.

tree hugger - kimya dawson im a bitch for kimya dawsona and fluffy ships but this also is a sort of 'they all wish they where somewhere else, but are happy with eachother too' kind of thing which proabably doesnt make much sense bUT IT MAKES SENSE TO ME OK CSHHSHSHSH

https://open.spotify.com/track/1F9f5t7GZk7aJZNGZIbfqP?si=c653de10148f4de5 <- link because youre nuts if you think im attempting to type out morse code lockwood just being a pathetic simp. probably watching her dance in the kitchen, late at night when neither of them are supposed to be awake, admiring everything about her till he eventually joins in on the dancing, they dance together into early hours of the morning before she carries him (YEA SHE CARRIES HIM WHAT ABOUT IT) up the stairs to lockwoods room, where they sleep for the rest of the day :>

locked out of heaven - bruno mars Ik the song is relatively sexual but we arent going there dw. just more lockwood being a hopeless romantic and being wildly in love with lucy, lucy is his heaven and he wishes to be nowhere else but with her at all times.

teenage dream - katy perry yk i had too. again, theyre teenagers, they act like teenagers. probably the song playing in lucys/lockwoods head constantly because shes just so giddy about their silly teenage love.

answering machine - ruby haunt to much happiness, angst now. a song lucy had on repeat walking the streets of london early in the morning to get coffee after she had left lockwood and co. maybe even walking past portland row, missing it dearly. little does she know, lockwood sees her, he hasnt slept a bit since lucy left, he usually just stares out the window into the night. but one day, he sees her walking past. he doesnt get out of bed that morning.

sleep thru ur alarms - lontalius i said we where done with happiness. more lockwood mental health issues but this time its the aftermath. lucy sitting in her room after a particularly bad fight with lockwood that had turned into him collapsing in her arms. shes just thinking about everything he said.

the first punch - pierce the veil im gonna be honest i meant to take this one out but its just there now i got nothin im low on gas and you need a jacket - pierce the veil i think lucy just like this one idk

heart-shaped box - nirvana lockwood feeling awful about asking lucy for help, sitting in his room thinking about it.

safeword - tv girl lucy telling lockwood about her time in her old town. about her old home.

fine - lemon demon me when i have like 8 million songs abt them being teenagers doing silly teenager things.

chloroform girl - polkadot cadaver UR GONAN TRY AND TELL ME THIS ISNG LOCKWOODS MUSIC TASTE BE FUCKOING QUIET he likes this song :)

swear to god the devil made me do it - the front bottoms god tfb is just so lockwoodcore. its just so him i cant explain it you understnad me maybe hopefully

flying model rockets - the front bottoms HOHOHOHOHOHOHO so lockwood dont you think. dont. dont you think. please agree with me.

blondie - current joys more cozy library/morning vibes. maybe some soft domestic little kisses as a treat.

young - vacations back to the angst. more pining and mourning after lucy leaves hee hee.

pretty boy - the neighborhood HES A PRETTY BOY SHE THINKS HES A PRETTY BOY THEY ARE PRETTY TOGETHER I LOVE HTEM CRIES CRIES CRIES

pretty boy - tv girl be quiet ik they have the same name they are so drastically differnet vibes. something something lucy thinking shes not good enough for lockwood bc she grew up poor and he was a rich little bastard /aff. but yea late night angst

it almost worked - tv girl RRUUFUFU angst they are so sad sad little people lucy is a sad little lass in her tiny little town she will never get out sobs.

space song - beach house wails cries sobs screams them. i will not elaborate.

golden hour - JVKE oh my GODD lockwood is such a hopeless fucking simp. hes such a stupid hopeless little simp. for her and her only all he looks at is her shes the best thing ever shes so beautiful all he does is take her in. they are in love.

who is she - i monster he doesnt believe she exists. shes not real. shes in his dreams. hes having a breakdown :)

always forever - the cults back to happy!! they are in love!!! always forever!! they will be together forever!!!!

gilded lily - cults SOBS SCREAMS CRIES WAILS EATS THEM THEYRE JUST KDIS THEYRE FORCED TO DO THIS HORRIBLE JOB BUT HTEY ARE JUST CHOLDREN THEYRE JSJSUT KIDS DJFGHJHA

pretty when you cry - lana del rey god theyre so sad. george lucy comfort lockwood that is all thank you.

carmen - lana del rey oh deary. oh lockwood oh my poor bbg   

paper doll - flower face this is so lucy. shes a fragile paper doll and lockwood cares for her. but she feels like shes not enough she feels unworthy. lockwood is to good for her. 

 the night we met - lord huron OH MY GODDDD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD theyre so they mean so much to me im crying you understand i dont need to explain.

paper doll - flower face this is so lucy. shes a fragile paper doll and lockwood cares for her. but she feels like shes not enough she feels unworthy. lockwood is to good for her.

angela - flower face can you tell i like flower face. remember lockwood being a hopeless simp?? lucys turn!! lucys turn!!!!!!! shes so simp shes so simp but in such a sad way shes os in love with him but shes so worried he'll leave.

spiracle - flower face hee hoo hee hoo lockwood breakdown. more lockwood breakdowns, but this time its before he and lucy where together. its just him panicking late at night about his love for lucy, afraid he'll end up killing her with his love because nothing good comes from letting people in. 

jupiter - flower face THEY FEEL SO SAFE TOGETHER THEY ARE HOME TOGETHER THEY ARE EACHOTHERS HOME. lucys home is with lockwood and george at portland row :DDDDDD

small world - jack stauber cozy coffee run vibes ykyk domesticity

death cup - mom jeans 'i think its bout time i warned you i might cry in front of you' oh come ON thats so lockwood this entire song is just lockwood opening up to lucy.

legit tattoo gun - the front bottoms lockwood tfb agenda is spreading. 

insomniac - memo boy lockwood insomniac real hes so not sleep the dark circles are so visible im. emotionally unstable.

post to long. need part 2.

[fettuccinewrites]

I AM HERE to give a fic review nobody asked for but i have no one else to talk about it

I have finished CWM couple hours ago and i've been obsessing over it ever since. Firstly would like to point out that cwm was already in my reading list and when i decided to start reading it after sending you that first ask i kept asking myself "why didn't i read it sooner?" cause i do have a severe case of love square brainrot and i have an unresolved passion with ice skating so why haven't i read that indeed.

Then I got the scene in which Adrien's ed is revealed and it was a big OH THAT'S WHY moment for me. I have been recovering from an ed myself for years and i try to avoid the topic because i dont think i'm there yet yk? ANYWAYS. That did make my reading take a little longer than planned, out of caution really, but nothing i couldn't handle (my therapist will be very proud). On that note, I would like to apologize for needing to skip some of the more in-depth ed related parts, but to also congratulate you on the way you handled the subject. I don't usually feel safe reading these type of stories, but cwm was an exception due to your writing and story telling skills.

MOVING ON cause i feel cringey talking about my ed but you really deserve the praise for this

It really is amazing how well you are able to sell rivals to lovers narrative. dymdc and cwm both had me invested in their rivalry. It didn't feel forced, the progression of the relationship had incredible pacing and the reasons behind were believable. Like, writing this trope is so hard because it's easy to fall in traps of the narrative – not making the rivalry strong enough or making it too strong and having to bullshit a reason to end it – but you do it SO WELL. LIKE. i actually don't have words, I keysmashed three times over this so yeah i guess that's what i have to say.

Something I would also like to point out: the choice of performances. bruh. You matched the characters vibes to the choreographies so well. Like I know nothing about the fem skater from the 2010 phantom of the opera but I can see Lila so clearly in her expressions that makes me want to punch her in the face. The way the snake dance has Kagami's seriousness and precision and Luka's edge and style. *chefs kiss*

Now on the note of Moulin Rouge for Adrienette, i feel like keysmashing is not enough i need to bark. The way the story of the performance is a parallel to their relationship AND andrien's condition. Part of me thought he was going to die. I lost cound how many times I cried while reading this and I wish I could have recorded the way i GASPED when they came in twelfth. Had me shaking and tearing up ngl.

The one thing i did not understand tho was why Marinette kept that Gabriel remade their costumes a secret. Like I get Adrien making his piece with the relationship with his bio father, and deciding not to pursue one with him anymore, but Marinette not telling him felt a little shady for me. Maybe I missed something, but I don't think that shutting that door was up to her. I like the ending for Gabriel and Adrien, but idk maybe i just don't like that Marinette kept it a secret from him.

Alright I think I've said enough for one ask holy shit look at the size of this so i'm gonna stop it here. I think I said everything I wanted to say, but if I remember anything else – and I'm still welcome in here –i'll come back to dump more unrequited opinions.

Thank you so much for sharing your amazing work with us 🧡

omg! thank you!! one thing about me is i LIVE for long comments, particularly about cwm (my forever favorite story) so you are always welcome

i figured the ed parts would be difficult for some people to read, so they are 100% skippable & i’m glad you were able to take advantage of that and still enjoy the story ❤️

i love that you actually went and looked up the performances bc i just feel like it enhances the reading experience so much??? moulin rouge felt like the ONLY choice for them, i am soooo glad the parallels were noticed bc it was very much my intention :)))))

re: costumes… really just needed to wrap up that plot line and didn’t know how else to do it haha. I’d spent far too long on it already, and thought of it as like a parting gift kinda thing? A was done with G so (in my head) she didn’t see a reason to tell him, i guess. 🤷🏻‍♀️

anywayyyyy always happy to talk cwm! or writing! or dymdc! or anything else <3333

[masonscig]

i don't really know how to explain it but with the overarching plot of book 3 it somehow feels like it both needed way more time/words to properly get into the depth of what was going on with the antagonist plotline, yet with the more personal subjects (rebecca scenes, the pov shifts to UB without MC, etc) seems like it would be a lot cleaner/better paced if it was a couple hundred thousand words shorter.

book 3 was always going to be a sort of 'interlude' before rogue/agency shit really kicks off in book 4 - which in my experience can be even harder to write than major plot points since its such a change in pace - and i think choosing such a heavy topic while getting away from the usual MC-focus villain at the same time burned mishka. its a complete departure from how books 1 and 2 were written and i think having some familiarity there would make the pacing much easier to navigate.

with all that i still enjoyed book 3 more than a lot of IF i've read recently, and its not bad as much as its like...a 7/10 game that had to come after two near perfect ones so it's hardly the worst development in the world, even if it is a bit disappointing. pacing issues aside there's still so much there that I love about this universe and most of those are on full display when the antagonists aren't involved. and i'm hoping that getting back into familiar territory for book 4 will help mishka get on track pacing wise.

hiii ty for this ask! <3

you hit the nail on the head with the first paragraph – it's like the plot itself needed to be slowed down, maybe split into two books, so that the relationship/friendship developments could line up with the rest of it? like truthfully the romance and the plot feel like two different books and that honestly could've been a fairly easy fix if she would've made some harder decisions about where she wants this game to go

which tbh, i do think that a huge part of that is the fact that she knows what she wants to happen in every book to fit into the 7 books she originally planned, so... maybe that goal is taking priority over the game organically fleshing itself out/books naturally ending when it feels right? it's like no matter what she knew she had to hit certain plot beats and she DID but at what cost yk – i think she wants to introduce and have the option to capture a smaller villain in every book and that fucked with this book's pacing issues for sure

and yes to the rest of the ask, too, you get it !!! the whole vibe is different, and yeah this book was a massive undertaking, so huge kudos to her for that, but overall i personally am not quite sure if i think this was worth the wait. certain aspects definitely were! and the amount of new canon knowledge we have now is gonna fuel fic writing till book 4 for sure! but i find myself wondering how often i'm going to replay this – and i don't think it'll be that much in comparison to book 1 and 2 :/ and YES i love so much about this universe that i'm unwilling to let it go – so i do hope this is just an interlude and that book 4 is a return to form, because it's what she does best

[hunterwritesstuff]

What about a sibling coming across Mark post-encounter or Mark's alternate? Yk,,,angst >:3

Gonna try to do this as a oneshot, feel free to send in again if you want hcs for the same thing! Not gonna go fully in depth here, but Mark's death is mentioned here, and I'm combining the two prompts, so, uh, y'know, be careful reading ahead, it could get a little much. Take care of yourself!

Tw: Referenced suicide, self-blame for suicide, Alt!Mark being an ass to the reader, potential implied bad parenting, and the baggage that comes with this kinda thing, don't read if you're in a bad headspace.

You woke up that night. That horrible, dreadful night. You looked at your clock. It read "10:58 PM". You grumbled as you trudged to your brother's door. He was why you were woken up after all.

"Maaarrrkk..." You yawned, walking over, knocking where the door SHOULD have been closed, but you were too tired to notice the door was open. "It's ten at night, why aren't you asleeeeppp...?" You asked sluggishly.

No answer. This frustrated you. "Mark, come on, man...why aren't you answering me? Come on...don't give me this attitude this late at night...go to bed, nerd..."

Still no answer. "Mark, come on, go to-" You finally opened your eyes, finding Mark's door wide open. Not to mention the bullet holes in it. "...Mark?" You gasped softly.

You walked in, looked around, jumping as you stepped on something. "Ow!!" You looked down, finding you stepped on..a...shell casing. "Mark, come on, man, mom and dad are gonna kill you, what the heck is-" You started, eyes drifting to his bed, jaw dropping and eyes widening in horror at what you saw.

Shell casings were strewn on the bed-how did you not hear him fire off his .50 cal?! You just heard him yell and then-Oh God.

You rushed out of his room, hurrying into the bathroom, vomiting into the toilet. Soon, you stood up from the floor, rinsing out your mouth and signing yourself with the sign of the cross before returning to your brother's room.

On your way back, you realized Sarah might have heard Mark and you went to go check on her, finding she was out of bed. "I heard Mark yell...is he okay...?" She asked, rubbing her eyes tiredly.

"Get back in bed, sweetie, I'll handle it." You hushed, tucking her back in.

"What's wrong?" She asked worriedly.

"Nothing, sis, just..." You muttered, kissing her on the forehead. "...I love you...so much..."

"Y/N, did something happen to Mark?" Sarah asked.

"...you won't understand..." You lamented.

"What happened to him?!" Sarah demanded, now wide awake.

"Sar-Sar, please..." You frowned, tearing up. "Just go back to bed..."

After a bit more begging, Sarah eventually gave up and went back to bed while you went to deal with the situation with Mark, grief heavy on your shoulders.

You didn't understand. Mark seemed fine two, three days ago. He promised Sarah he'd play hide and seek, take her out to get a treat, he was Mark, he was FINE.

Was it something you said? Mom? Dad? You shuddered to think of what could've driven Mark to do such a thing. All you knew is that you now had that image burned into your head. That awful, TERRIBLE, HORRID IMAGE burned into your head.

While you were in his room, you found a note in his reassurances book. "I have no choice anymore. The cops never came for me. NOBODY CAME FOR ME. Whoever is reading this, please stop it before it does this to anyone else."

Then it spiraled into deranged ramblings, all just the words "Who have I been praying to all this time?" until it became an unintelligible mess. To say this fucked with you was an understatement. You started to cry.

You slid down the door. God, how were you gonna tell Sarah? You couldn't. It would break her little heart. You sighed, looking up at the bed, again getting the horrible image burned into your head.

Your brother was dead, and you never went to check on him to make sure he was okay. You just assumed he was okay.

Sure, he was a bit of a mess when he came home...from...Cesar's house...

You froze, reading over the note again and again, pretty much DEDICATING IT TO YOUR FUCKING MEMORY.

Then it clicked.

Mark was a victim of an alternate encounter.

You TOLD him going to Cesar's late at night was a bad idea, you TOLD HIM to listen to the broadcast, you TOLD HIM THAT HE COULD ENCOUNTER AN ALTERNATE, but Mark being the stubborn man he is refused to listen.

You didn't hold it against him, though. He just thought he'd be helping out his friend.

You hold it against YOURSELF, however, that you didn't bother to ask him how he was doing afterwards. If you just reached out, he probably would've been fine, but you were selfish and just wanted to go to bed. That's what you told yourself, anyways.

You hoped, against all hopes, that maybe...just MAYBE, if you shook him, he'd wake up. You shook him, ignoring how cold his body was. "Mark...?" You rasped out.

He offered no response. "Mark...! C...Come on...!" You shook harder, still no response. You were in denial. BAD.

You shook harder, stepping back when he rolled over, "looking" at you with his glassy, lifeless eyes.

You ran back to your room, quickly packing your bag. You needed to get out of the damn house. You didn't know if or when you'd be back, you just knew you needed to go.

"Mark isn't okay, is he...?" Sarah asked.

"Sarah! You're supposed to be asleep...!" You frowned.

"What happened to him? I heard his friend, Cesar talking to him, saying something about a gift or present...did they have a fight...?" Sarah asked.

You started tearing up. The Alternate took the form of Mark's best friend. That was the last straw. "Sarah, I...I'm gonna be going away, for a while..." You sighed.

"When're you gonna be back?" She asked, face full of worry.

"I dunno...I'm just...not feeling too good, y'know? Feeling kinda yucky..." You said, trying to beat around the bush.

"Please...what happened to Mark...?" Sarah begged, tears threatening to spill out of her eyes.

"...Sarah, you're...too young to know exactly what happened...but...just know...it's something bad...really bad..." You explained carefully.

"Really...? I-Is he gonna recover okay...?" Sarah asked worriedly.

"...no...he's...mhh..." You frowned. "I-I need to go, I love you, don't ever forget that, you know my phone number, call me if you EVER NEED ANYTHING, okay?" You requested.

"Wh-Why...?" Sarah asked, confused.

"I know you're really confused, and I know this is probably really scary, but I need you to be a brave little girl for me, okay?" You asked.

"I...I'll do my best..." Sarah nodded sadly.

"Excellent...call me whenever you wanna talk, okay? And I mean WHENEVER."

"Okay..." Sarah smiled softly.

"Good." You smiled, giving your little sister a kiss on the forehead. "Now, don't go into Mark's room, okay? Remember how he NEVER allowed any girls in because he thought they were icky and gross?" You asked.

"Mhm, I 'member." She nodded.

"That rule still holds up now and until otherwise stated." You explained.

"Can I kiss it better?" Sarah asked. "Like he always did?"

Your face darkened. "No...I'm sorry, Sarah, this time, kisses won't make it better...I wish they could..."

"Oh..." Sarah frowned, looking down at the floor.

"Okay, I love you, I'll talk soon, okay?" You asked, Sarah nodding.

"Okay..."

"If mom and dad ask where I am, tell them I'm staying with a friend. Doubt they will though." You sighed.

You quickly ran into Mark's room, grabbing his car-keys and hurrying into his car. You didn't know where you were going, but you needed to go somewhere that wasn't here.

[Winter Break, 2009.]

You groaned, rolling over in bed, looking at your clock. 3:33 AM. You dragged your hands down your face. You'd been struggling to get to bed for the past few hours now.

You grumbled, getting up to go make yourself some tea. Trudging out to the kitchen, you rummaged around through your drawers, grabbing some lavender vanilla tea and a mug to put it in.

You knew why you were having trouble sleeping, but you would never admit it. You knew you should've been over it by now, but it was so sudden, you couldn't get over it so quickly.

You shut the cabinet as you grabbed your mug, putting water on the stove to boil. "Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y/N..." You grimaced. He was back. "How-w-w-w's my favorite-e-e-e wo-o-o-o-orthless si-i-i-i-ibling-g-g doing?"

You ignored him. It was your best choice at this point. You tried stabbing him, that didn't work, you tried locking him out, he still found ways in, you tried locking him in the basement, but he used your brother's voice to guilt-trip you into letting him out.

You were stuck with him. "Da-a-a-amn, gi-i-iving your bi-i-ig bro-o-other the silen-n-n-nt treatment-t-t-t? How ru-u-u-ude."

You groaned, hoping the water would boil faster. "A-A-A-A-Are you li-i-i-istening-g-g to me? Ne-e-e-evermind. You-u-u-u ne-e-ever di-i-id tha-a-at in life e-e-either-" It started, but you cut it off, snapping at it.

"YOU LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT, YOU AREN'T MY BROTHER AND NEVER WILL BE. HE WAS A KIND, CARING INDIVIDUAL AND YOU'RE A SHELL OF WHAT HE WAS. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE." You yelled.

It narrowed its eyes, going to speak before it slammed its hands over its ears, blocking out the loud, high-pitched whistling sound of the tea-kettle. "...you can't handle high-pitched noise." You gasped.

"SHUT UP." It growled.

"I can get rid of you now! Eat it, bit-" You started.

"THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I NEVER TALKED TO YOU AND KILLED MYSELF!!!" It yelled at you in an exact imitation of your brother's voice.

You froze. That was the first time it was able to perfectly mimic his voice.

The tea-kettle's whistling got louder and higher-pitched, driving the alternate away for now, you getting snapped out of your trance from what the Alternate told you. "h....hello...?" You asked, sounding, honestly, quite haunted.

"Sorry, did I call at a bad time?" You sighed in relief. Thank Go...no, there wasn't one. Thank goodness.

"No, not at all, Sarah...thanks...uhm...yeah, no, I-I'm fine, what's up?" you asked shakily.

"You okay? You sound like you've seen a ghost." Sarah commented.

"Don't worry about it, what's up, are you alright?" You asked.

"Well, I was gonna ask if you've heard anything about the group I'm in or heard anything from anyone else in it."

You paused a moment. "That's with, uhh...Marshall and Murray, right?" You asked.

"Mhm. That's the one."

"No, I...I haven't. Why? Did something happen?" You asked, tilting your head in confusion.

"Adam and Jonah went out for an investigation and I haven't heard from them since. It's been three days and I don't know where they are." Sarah sighed.

"Where did they say they were going?" You asked.

"Uhm...6999 Ark drive, why?" Sarah asked.

You choked on air, sliding down the counter to the ground. "Y/n? Y/N, are you okay?!" Sarah asked.

You shakily brought the phone to your face again, nodding. "Sarah...does that address ring a bell to you...?" You asked, shaking fairly badly.

"No, should I?" Sarah asked, confused.

"That's Cesar's old house." You breathed out shakily.

[nautilus-that-eats-hyacinths]

hate the new dashboard so much aaaaaaa

but this isn't what this post is about. this is another one of my rant about myself, my life and society posts that I could only post on Tumblr cause I'm deadly scared people will judge me for how I feel, or just no one will relate to me but here it goes.

so I'm a teen girl (?) right, and I have a loving and caring boyfriend who loves me for all I am, and I have been (dated and kissed and stuff TM) with other people, but I just feel so fucking undesirable. Like. All the time. I'll look at myself in the mirror maybe twice a week and go huh wow I look hot/cute! And all the bathrooms I use have unavoidable mirrors so...

But the thing is, I have kinda always felt like this? Like obviously not always, I was indeed a baby once but I feel like ever since I've realized I am "a woman" (probably around like 6yo), or that I was supposed to be a woman someday, I feel like I've had this need to feel desirable. Maybe it's like trauma from my parents being kinda distant, but I remember so so clearly feeling like I wanted to be pretty to school cause I wanted boys to like me, that I had to use my cutest clothes when we got to not wear uniform (non-USAmerican here amen), that my friends were always cuter than me. And like, I didn't- still don't- want to date many people, or want to have sex with many people or even kiss many people, I'm literally demisexual, but I just have this need for people to want me. Not to have like my love corresponded, or even my attraction corresponded, like one way want towards me.

And like this feels so mean? Like I want people to like me but I won't like them back. Like bro tf???? Why do you want to hurt people like that??? But also it's not about them, like, it's not gonna happen, I have never had many people falling for me and wanting me, so I'm not actually gonna hurt someone, but I kinda feel like a monster for like indirectly wanting to hurt people

Also this really sucks cause my friends are so desirable. Like they have more developed bodies (I look like 3 years younger than I am- and this leads to another topic that I could only debate on Tumblr so I might make a post about it lol), or at least are more extroverted and easy to approach/befriend, or are cuter and like. This is the stupidest shit but I feel like I'm the ugly one- I'm not even ugly, people have liked me, my bf says my body is perfect for him, and still, I don't get people wanting to kiss me at parties, I don't get people asking my friends if I'm single, or if I might open my relationship, I don't get people asking my friends for my number, I don't get people telling their friends that I'm hot (my school is pretty small/connected so we kinda do hear everything one way or another) and all my friends get this and it is absolutely stupid, and I know I'm just being an overly emotional teen but fuck, it hurts

And maybe this is all because I am clearly dating and like the whole school knows at this point, so no one would approach someone so obviously unattainable, but also, maybe, from the depths of my low self esteem, maybe I am just that undesirable that all my friends are so wanted by so many people and I get maybe one person a year maximum who is interested in me

And like I'd like to talk to my boyfriend about this cause yk, he's my best friend, I like talking to him and being comforted and feeling safe and letting go of my insecurities a bit by wording them and sharing them, but I'm scared that he's gonna think it's his fault somehow or that he's not enough when he literally could never be enough for this stupid irrational need because I want many people to be attracted to me and desire me and he's literally just one person like babe, you can't do mitosis sweetheart.

And I think maybe this comes from learning (internalizing but not rationalizing) as a young kid that what gives power to a woman is her influence, and women are given influence most often (not by their fault, obvs) by how attractive they are. Or maybe this is just bs and it's inherent to my messed up brain. Or it has a different societal cause that I haven't stopped to think about or process yet

[fritextramole]

i know you love jenny and eric and hate chuck, but i’m really curious what you think about the other main gg characters and why?

Oh I love talking!!!! I love talking so much this is going under a read more bc it got unwieldy

I'm gonna talk about Blair, Serena, Dan, Nate, Vanessa, Rufus, and Lily here, but if there's anyone else you're curious about lmk

(and none of my feelings about the characters are black and white! I do find Chuck Fun To Hate and Jenny and Eric both have moments I pretend not to see. I just have my favorites and least favorite)

Blair

my relationship with Blair is the most complicated. the short answer is that the way she's venerated by fans has really soured me on her. like I'd like her more if everyone else liked her less yk

the longer answer is that I get why people love her. she had this amazing potential to grow as the show went on. I get the urge to pretend her character development stuck and she had a happy ending with Dan (I imagine I'll come back to that when I get there in the rewatch)

but season 6 went back on her character growth and had her go back to being classist and entitled and end up with chuck and I'm not going to pretend that's not canon

and like... ofc I don't think she deserved to end up with chuck (as you said my hatred of him is documented and I do think he'd be a shitty husband post series.) but I do think she deserves some consequences for her actions I'm not going to erase them to give her some happy ending the other characters have a right to be mad at her (this isn't just jenny she was a bitch to everyone at some point but they write it off bc "it's Blair that's how she is" like newsflash bestie we're all insecure most of us aren't terrible people about it)

Serena

I like Serena!! I do!! Blake Lively is charming and charismatic!!!! but she's maybe the worst about the whole Never Learning Never Growing thing most of the characters do which does get on my nerves a bit on a personal level. but more than anything it makes me not that interested in watching 121 episodes about her

I tend to be more interested in characters I can sink my teeth into (which is why I love Jenny's development and hate blair's character regression) but gossip girl is such a plot driven show that doesn't give characters time to feel things (and doesn't think about how they would feel at all.) and I think of all the leads Serena maybe gets that the worst bc there's a lot of things she should be feeling but it's like she doesn't get to (idk if that's a writing thing or a Blake Lively's acting thing (or a combination)) but it makes me not really care. especially bc iirc she'll be less involved in the main plotlines as the show goes on (which is also true for Nate)

Dan

Dan I always find myself becoming less fond of as the series goes on. I didn't find him annoying at the outset the way I know some people do. he's a good big brother and a good match for Serena getting her out of her ues bubble a bit. but the show goes on and he falls in love with Blair less than a year after she banished his sister (and never brings that up to her)

I've never gotten to the point of hating him but in the second to last episode he calls chuck "the best man I've ever known" (he raped your sister!!!!) and I get close

making Dan gossip girl was so bizarre and nonsensical that I'm just gonna say #gaslightgatekeepgirlboss those rich kids deserved it and move on bc I cant examine it seriously or we'll be here all day

Nate

Nate I mostly wish had been fleshed out more. in the early seasons he goes through a lot of really serious shit but his legacy is that the writers didn't know what to do with him after like season 2 so he just dated everyone.

for the most part I like him I just wish he'd gotten more depth in the later seasons

and I say "for the most part" bc he's got this unfortunate habit of looking the other way about how chuck treats women-until it's a woman he cares about. he has this line when he's fighting with chuck in s1 that's like "did you get what you wanted like you did with all those other girls" which makes it sound like he knows Chuck's a rapist and !!!!!!!!!

but that's unfortunately very common behavior in teenage boys. other than that I really do like Nate!!! I like that he looks out for his friends and doesn't send tips to gossip girl!!! I like that in season 1 he tries to write Blair an apology letter and in season 2 he writes a letter to Jenny I think that's really sweet!!!!! Nate's my boy and I wanna give him a hug (and make him stop being friends with that guy)

Vanessa

in canon, Vanessa has these little throwaway details about living with her sister and making socially powerful documentaries and being really well liked at NYU that we just never explore ??? even a little??????? I love Vanessa and she had her dark moments but they were forgivable (and not nearly as bad as anyone else's)

I mostly wish she had been a character in a different show I think is the best way to put it. like I wanna know about her family and her documentaries and her travels!!! but that's not Rich Kids Doing Drama

I was listening to Jessica Szohr's podcast and she said that at a certain point it felt silly that Vanessa kept talking about hating the rich kids but was still always on the upper east side and I think she's right. Vanessa should've been fleshed out more in canon (which maybe would've given her a reason to be in the neighborhood) but also Vanessa should've been the focus of her own show

Rufus

he's not the father of the year that's for sure

in the pilot Jenny says he "makes us go to private school" and I think that theme of attending Constance St Jude's for your education holds true but he doesn't seem to understand the reality of that?? there's this theme early on that "Dan doesn't have friends so why does Jenny need them" which 1. Rufus should be more concerned that his son has no friends!!!! and 2. Dan and Jenny are different people and I really can't fault a teenage girl for wanting to be popular or caring about her reputation

most of the time when I'm watching the show he doesn't get on my nerves in the moment. but then I think about it and I decide he's not a great parent and he needs to get better at actually listening to his children

Lily

she serves cunt it's a shame she traumatized her children

I'm being glib but also I'm not really. I like watching her!! I like that she went from groupie to socialite!!!! she's fun and I have a good time with her. and then I think a little harder about her kids and this post from @vanderwoodlings says it better than I could so I'll leave you with it

[strangeswift]

what do you think are the party's favorite animal?

OOOOOH I am an animal nerd so this is a wonderful question.

Will: Tiger. Cuz they're all over his room in Lenora. I would go more in depth but I don't need to I feel like this is just canon.

Mike: Do dinosaurs count? Yk because he has dinosaur toys but also I'm projecting because I love dinosaurs. His favorite is a velociraptor and when Jurassic Park comes out he's gonna try to gatekeep velociraptors. Like he thought they were cool way before everyone else and he got called a nerd for liking dinosaurs, of but now they're cool okayyyy wowww.

Dustin: Tiger Salamander. I assume he's interested in amphibians because of the research he did when he found D'art, and Tiger Salamanders are one of my favorite amphibians and they are native to Indiana hellooo????? And they're goddamn fucking cute. He would think their little faces are so cute.

Lucas: Dog. You think that’s boring? How dare you. Lucas doesn't think so, he loves them. He really wants one but his parents won't let him have one. Lucas would be the best dog dad and one day he will be. I feel like his favorite breed is a Standard Poodle. And if you think "No poodles are prissy" no they are not, educate yourself before I slap you for poodle slander. They're one of the smartest most resilient breeds. But realistically he probably adopts a mutt from the animal shelter.

Max. Shark! She was one of those kids who wanted to be a marine biologist, and sharks are her favorite. She grew up by the ocean (I don't think that's confirmed in canon but she's from Cali so im saying she grew up by the ocean). And sharks are misunderstood, like her. Her favorite sharks are tiger sharks because they're literally the coolest ones fight me about it.

El: Cat. I associate her with liking cats since in S1 she refused to kill that cat when Brenner tried to force her, but also because she is a lesbian and lesbians like cats. I HC that she is always trying to bring home strays. Also if you know anything about cats you know that they tend to like a certain type of person, and she has the vibes that cats dig.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

He looks so squishable omg LMAO THE HORSE SHIT BUT CLOUDIE IS SUCH A CUTE NAME TOO SJDHSJS this is giving me horse fever

LMAOOO truly the new bar: what tier of cupcakes are they willing to buy if it’s not insanely expensive it’s a no

OHHH ok lowk I don’t think I paid attention to that part of the gameplay in Oras which is probably why I don’t remember LMAO but YES THAT DUDE

HAHAHA it’s ok I laughed at myself it happens too often atp

Pause rough and tumble yuki….rough and tumble yuki??!!! Where was this idea all my life….wait that fr would’ve cooked wtf that would also be sooo interesting to merge tgt with him being religious plus his guilt etc etc the potential….abt to turn yuki into an oc /j

But FR im crying jjk rlly a shit show BUT idk if you saw YUTA CONFIRMED ALIVE WE ALL CHEERED but tbh who really is watching/consuming BLLK for the plot alone let’s be real

NO BECAUSE aiku coming back later on as an addition to the defense lineup or team in general or playing some kinda role Lowk would’ve been a lot more enjoyable for me…like why are you throwing him in with the bllkers NOW (not just because of oaeu has me cracking up) I completely agree like he should’ve left and come BACK LATER I would’ve totally ate up future rival aiku….the potential…alas….

AHAHAHA we’re linked up fr can’t leave out those hair wax jokes but omg him finding reader with Barou’s corpse first has me crying /sad I love how you actually thought out the usability of the teams though because when I played I DEFINITELY just went with whatever pokemon I liked regardless of typing and stats LMAOOK

Karasu screaming at her is so real LMAOA reminds me of him yelling at people during the bowling/Shibuya outing chapter LOL I’m trying to think of a rare water type pokemon but atp I’m just gonna google because I definitely didn’t read the dex entries in depth the first one that comes to mind is feebas though but tbh thats kinda just in the same boat as magikarp so er (clampearl maybe….? Or maybe skrelp idk dragalge seems pretty cool comparatively so) ok wait while I’m looking at water types anyone know the lore behind phione and manaphy why am I just realizing they aren’t related evolution wise pause im now realizing that it didn’t have to be a rare water type which makes more sense i somehow read somewhere that “reader fishes out a rare pokemon (from the sea) and trades that” but if that were the case she could’ve just kept it to fulfill the water type requirement idk what i was thinking going w this uh

REAL the evil govt secretly silencing the voices of anyone who disagrees…guys the world is building fr we just cracked the code behind the champion situation too (reps dad being bribable is so real)

LMFAOOOO IM CRYING “yeah we got bored and went to the moon nbd”

LMAOAO the “i know a guy” trope is so real and so iconic im crying they go find hiori and he’s like “oh yeah my bad that’s my pokemon the size of a small sky scraper she’s harmless” (id imagine its in aurorus form for this to be funny) last time i remember aurorus was from the show and from what I remember of it trying to protect amaura i can also imagine it being protective of hiori and almost freezing mc’s teams asses off LMAOOOO (“it don’t bite” “YES TF IT DO”) you’re getting me too invested in this first it was oaeu now pokemon au i fear this cooks too hard….

You see my first thought was also Barou but for logistical reasons that’s a no here pause gagamaru cooking (literally)!!! Imagine he starts making them just like in the forest or out in the tall grass so people think it’s sketchy (kinda like some food trucks yk) but turns out his stuff is all natural AND fire (ness having low nutrient poffins is so real)

AIKU GARY HAHAHA that just reminds me of Gary’s cheerleaders and the cheer/chant they had for him I’m crying imagine aiku had one

OH SHDGSHSHS I never had an aegislash jn game so that explains why idk the lore LMAO (I did have a friend who swore by it and constantly hyped up its stats though, fr doing like aegislash promotion) Nagiy/ns number one shipper aegislash!!! LMAOO stop this could actually cook as a pokemon anime season wtf someone get game freak and whoever animates pokemon in here rn….reader jumpscaring Nagi in their next battle with aegislash is so funny

I’ll never not be amazed by how much content you can churn out wtf I usually see people writing like three fics just the time you’ve done fifteen and as we’ve already discussed your fics are LONG I’m fr imagining that Justin Bieber gif rn (I’m not even kidding I think of the phrase “doing gods work” and then that gif and audio pop up so congrats you’ve definitely been cemented in with that LMAOO) but SAME love our yap sessions!!

- Karasu anon

RIGHT IT’S LITERALLY PERFECT FOR HIM brooo ponies specifically always have the cutest names…the pony i learned to ride on way back when i was like 11 was named sugar 🥹 and then the ponies i learnt to jump on were named candy and penny like TELL ME THAT’S NOT ADORABLE 😭😭😭 horses usually don’t have such cutesy names sadly but some of them are mad majestic (i’ve known horses named zeus, palermo, arctic, rhea, and heathcliff to name a few like why do they all lowkey have aura)

LMAOO it’ll be the same mfs buying both tiers too like don’t let yourself be treated like the random unnamed girl who got grocery store cookies and was cancelled on so otoya could play video games with reader 😭 only accept the man who plays video games with you so you didn’t walk to his house for nothing and buys you gourmet fancy ass cupcakes for literally no reason 🤩 nah because tbh bfb otoya as a concept cracks me up he’s just so ridiculous with everything he does like there’s zero reason for him to be doing all of that (i remember i kept telling you that karasu’s bfb would be less crack-ish and you were like otoya’s wasn’t that bad?? but now that you’ve read karasu’s version i hope you see what i meant 😩)

rough and tumble yukimiya would’ve been AMAZING…something about how he turned to religion as a way to repent for some of the bullshit he pulled in his childhood + he felt like him getting scouted just for being handsome was so lucky it HAD to be an act of god + him feeling like if he acts out god will punish him (maybe he views his failing eyesight as a punishment for his past sins??) and send him back to where he came from hence his mega kind and polite personality which is a facade for his more selfish NEL personality + him and kaiser getting along because of their backstories but also butting heads because of the diff ways they dealt with things (kaiser forsaking any notion of god to care about himself vs yukimiya trusting anyone BUT himself in search of some kind of solace and reassurance that things will stay as good as they now are) + isagi showing yukimiya another way of being yourself while still not being a bad person and showing that it’s alright to make mistakes (yukimiya perfectionism flaw??) as long as you learn from them…CUT THE CAMERAS DEADASS kaneshiro better give me custody of yukimiya in just three ask responses i’ve taken his canon info and given him a way more compelling and deep backstory that would guarantee him to be a fan favorite 🥱 honestly it’s kind of sad because i could never write this version of yukimiya as he’s just divorced enough from canon that it wouldn’t make sense in a fic but he will ALWAYS be in my mind now i think he’s 1000x more compelling than canon yukimiya without (i believe) compromising his core character traits and in fact actually adding continuity and building off of them (if rough and tumble yukimiya was given enough good panels [which considering he’s in an au with less players and therefore more focus on each character he probably would have a decent amount] he would def have that kaiser vibe to him like i can see him being popular and people posting abt his tragic backstory and how hot he is etc etc)

YESSS YUTA MADE IT lowkey it was so random though like last chapter there was the whole “we need to save okkotsu” cliffhanger and now he’s just here and chilling hello??? also how is HIGURUMA still around 😭 and this shit with the elders and all of that like where did that come from…is gege trying to set up a sequel or smth 🤔 idk i’m very lost i think i just need to see how it ends so i can move on from it for a while

i think aiku as a future rival would’ve cooked so hard maybe he drops some “you guys reminded me what it feels like to have an ego” (as a callback to his striker past) type of line and barou’s like “oh so you have an ego now 🤨 good because that means it’ll be even more fun to crush you 😒” and that specific game is focused on them and their rivalry (it could be a good place to add more barou backstory into the main manga too as well as aiku lore)

i never understood stats or anything but i always took typing seriously!! as well as moves and whatnot (if a move didn’t do damage though i never let my pokémon keep it) RKFHSJSJ no because it’s so sad karasu’s the one who goes back and finds her (after nagi tells him to because at the end it’s nagi and reader before reader goes on alone to fight barou…nagi leaves to evacuate everyone but he’s like “yo karasu please go check on her”) and it’s just her and her houndoom lying with barou and his houndoom (who are both dead UGHHHH the angst is insane)

HELP waits actually yk what’s funny is reader does actually end up with a dragalge on her team so at some point she catches a skrelp ig?? but she doesn’t trade it away (lowkey dragalge isn’t one i’ve put much though into like it and donphan are just kinda there but they don’t yet have the plot relevance that houndoom aegislash gyarados and galvantula do)…HAHAHA yeah she catches a non water type to trade!! i’m thinking it’ll be like a pikachu or something because then everyone reading will be like “oh of COURSE she has a pikachu 🙄🙄🙄” but then she trades it away for a magikarp LDFHSJSKSK anyways yeah if you put manaphy and a ditto in the daycare you’ll get a phione egg!! not sure what the lore connection is but yeah that’s the in game mechanic (i got a manaphy during one of the mystery gift events and i used to spam breed phione’s and put them on the global trade center so people would give me their legendaries in exchange LMAOAAO i was kinda diabolical with it)

no because the world is so deep i’m so invested now!! REO’S DAD BEING CORRUPT AND BRIBABLE JUST MAKES SM SENSE lowkey maybe that’s why reo’s traveling alone/with mc trio instead of training at home with his dad!! like he wants to actually be a proper champion and is too idealistic to realize the government will never let him do that with that mindset…okay wait and instead of going the stereotypical route maybe reader defeating barou and the evil team isn’t enough for them to fix things because the root of the problem (the government) hasn’t been fixed so then in order to get justice for barou she’s like “well ig i have all 8 badges” so she (along with nagi as her rival, tullia who’s just been doing random shit this whole time and has the team for it, and reo who wants to be champion for a diff reason) decides to join the championship conference and makes it through until the end (again considering galvantula alone swept through half of barou’s team it’ll make sense) where she’s told by the government that she has to throw the match and she seems to agree (unlike barou) but then instead of doing that she beats mr mikage and exposes the government on live tv before they can cut the cameras…and then the gym leaders + elite four + elite four candidates (isagi kaiser bachira kunigami) are like “aight might as well” and reveal they’ve been planning a mutiny against the government for a WHILE (another reason why isagi is always so secretive around them) and barou was involved too but it wasn’t supposed to happen for a while however with reader’s actions they decide there’s no time like the present and execute a (much better planned) mutiny while reader and co + mc trio watch in awe (you KNOW karasu is so mad yayoi never mentioned anything to him) so it kind of avoids that “kids doing everything while incompetent adults just sit around” trope while still having reader and co + mc trio be integral parts of the ending??

HAHAHA mc trio could have their own spinoff fr…episode nagi pokémon au KFJDJD they randomly find a crashed spaceship full of clefairy and clefables and somehow chigiri and/or reo are revealed to have mechanical expertise?? plus nagi’s just randomly a genius fsr so they manage to fix up the spaceship so the clefairy and clefable can go back to the moon (lowkey i think smth like this happens in one of the original eps of the anime but it’s bllk au so it’s funnier) and they leave an egg with nagi as thanks (specifically nagi because according to reo’s [at the time] kirlia they like his hair as it reminds them of the moon even though lowkey nagi did the least for them) or like do you remember that one episode where it was like a competition for only fighting type pokémon?? imagine reo has been SET on evolving his kirlia into a gardevoir but when he hears about the competition he’s like “time to switch gears” and while reader and co are having the fossil arc with hiori, mc trio is just running around completing various side quests trying to find a dawn stone so reo can evolve kirlia into a gallade instead…bonus points if reo misses the registration date because he doesn’t find the dawn stone in time so now he just randomly has a gallade (who he loves very much don’t get me wrong LMAOOO he was just building his team around eventually having a gardevoir and now he has to switch stuff up)

HELPPP because okay realistically hiori’s team is super super intimidating if you think about it…like you look at him and he seems so sweet you think he’d have a team like otoya’s (#otoyaslander) and then he releases his first pokémon and it’s a metagross 😭 his pokémon are def all super protective of him too…they probably HATE reader in particular because between donphan and galvantula (aka the goat…lowkey i’m surprised at how much it actually carries every confrontation) alone she’s destroying his team 😩 considering donphan is a ground type so it’s strong against aurorus and luxray, galvantula is bug-electric so it’s strong against metagross (psychic is weak to bug apparently??), swanna, and kingdra, so that only leaves nidoqueen with a type advantage…until you factor in that gyarados is not only a water type (so strong against her ground typing) but also flying so it’s immune to her ground type attacks 😭 and this is completely ignoring houndoom who is metagross’s perfect counter, aegislash if she has it at that point, and dragalge 😰 it took me so long picking a team with type coverage for basically every type but i’m still always amazed whenever i match reader up against other characters and realize she absolutely cooks them

HELPPPP GAGAMARU AS A POFFIN FOOD TRUCK WORKER IS SO REAL i can see him having an ursaring and they just drive around selling poffins and he doesn’t have a phone number or anything so if you want them you have to hunt him down 😭 the REAL reason yukimiya has an alakazam is so he can just teleport LMAOAO meanwhile reader and co have to fly on flying pokémon (reader and tullia borrow karasu’s and otoya uses his altaria) to find him wherever he is if they need him

nah because you’re so right aegislash has to be a shipper there’s 0 reason for it to throw the romance subplot in except for some drama JFKSKS to be fair it was probably rlly bored while waiting for a trainer to show up 😭 it’s kind of rude even once it’s captured but then houndoom beats it up and it behaves after that 🤩 no fr it’s a role reversal of the cleffa incident like reader and nagi both pull up with new pokémon and nagi throws out his cottonee (side note but cottonee/whimsicott is such a peak nagi pokémon tbh) meanwhile reader whips out her aegislash and nagi’s just like WHAT THE FUCK (reo and chigiri are just like “😃❔” because they have no clue why nagi’s tripping meanwhile nagi’s trying to process that he did in fact have an isekai romance arc with reader and now he has to face her after he literally asked if it’s okay for him to rizz her up “for the plot” when she’s dating karasu (she is NOT dating karasu) (karasu has no idea why nagi keeps looking at him awkwardly) (tullia and otoya ask chigiri and reo if nagi is into men/karasu) (chigiri and reo can honestly say they have 0 idea)

HAHAHA no it’s not even just 15 since may because that’s not counting the jjk requests i got OR anything i wrote for myself (both versions of bfb, freaky friday, hollyhock and peregrine chapters) i fear i am quite prolific in the summer…fall is always lowkey the mira hiatus era where i rlly slow down and then suddenly come december i go crazy and cook until the next fall

[gazingatmydoom]

i think i actually went through the five stages of grief just now finishing one shot. or. one sec

ok not all five but i definitely hit at least three, maybe four of them. counting. like. oneshot is a fucking amazing game but i'm also gonna talk about DEPRESSION AS WELL WHAMO

long vent post below the cut idm if u read it but it's super long lol so yeah

cos like. that was the most. mm. it was the most difficulty i've had making a descsion that i was involved in emotionally. ig the ending of oneshot was like pretty much 100% "how much do u care about this vs this" thing so like entirely emotionally charged but idk it had me yk. and i was sitting on the toilet taking a whizz as one does after condemning ur best friend catperson ever forever to an eternal life in a world they don't belong to. and i was thinking right, that's probably the saddest i've felt playing a game since i finished titanfall 2 in early 2020. estimating. might've been 2019 idk. and now i don't remember if i played any other particularly sad games between tf|2 and oneshot but i doubt i didn't and if i'm running on things i'm assuming about the depression i'm assuming i had (which i am) then memory loss was a big part of it. cos i god damned do not remember fuck shit ass from the past few years. and i was thinking hey MAYBE the reason i haven't been that sad about any game (in memory) is because i was simply too depressed to give a rats ass.

i mean there's one game ig which is hollow knight and i felt sad when i got the sealed siblings ending but. if i'm being honest alot of the strong emotions i had with that game felt very forced. that's one thing i can remember quite well actually and no i don't know why, but when i felt sad when i watched the siblings curl up and go back down to the bottom of the abyss, it felt like i was trying to push my heart down it didn't feel like it was sinking on it's own.

ok the more i'm talking about it the more i'm thinking i'm bullshitting but idk. idk! the idea that i had depression and quite possibly might still have it is takign over my mind everytime i react with alot of emotion to something. which is happening at an increased rate in the past few months, and has barely happened at all in the past three years.

it makes me think ig. like i got mad at niko and the author and the entity for making *me* make this decision, when in my opinion, it really should've been niko's to make. and i somehow thought niko was going to make it! i was so sure they would i was like ye ok niko ima break this to u and then i need u to sit and think about it and i need u to know i will support u no matter WHAT u choose it's ok and i love u. and then they're like "what should i do bestie?" AS IF THAT'S MY DECISION TO MAKE????? it caught me off guard yk and i didn't cry or scream or freak out but i'd be lying if i said it made me think and feel in ways that feel new or fresh, but not brand new just like ahh i forgot what this was like new. if i ever felt them at all.

i swear sometimes it does feel like the second i gained any ability to think somewhat for myself (which sounds stupid but trust me this was mid teens for me) i started spiralling. so idk yk. i lost where i was going with this uuuuhhhhhhhh. but who cares. this is a vent post(?) so it doesn't matter if i finish it. that word keeps coming up tho i don't wanna say it again. the depress. the deps. depths. dark souls. i keep thinking of it. it keeps coming back to me and bouncing around my head like "hey maybe *this* is why what ur feeling or thinking or doing rn feels super weird and alien to u" cos that feeling keeps coming back yk. i can feel it coming back less and less in past days tho and that's not to say i'm getting used to experiencing new things but it might be to say i'm sinking back down. not sure tho!

just added a read more link idk if it worked i've never used one before but it just struck me how long this post is now lmao and i don't wanna bother the two people who might see this.

but ye shit has been wild and by that i mean crazy and by that i mean i've begun feeling emotions again and it's been fucking me up to varying degrees! side not like dungeon meshi has made me cry everytime a new episode comes out i fucking like. like yes it's good but it's also me being passionate about something. the last thing i was passionate about i would say was hollow knight i used to cry all the time watching silksong trailers and listening to the bonebottom ost sample but i tell u when that was. that stopped happening around mid 2020. yo am i dating my depression rn. early to mid 2020 that must've been it that must've been the start. which makes sense cos i think that was also when i left college and therefore stopped going outside at all ever. i got a job about a year after but it was shit and i hated it and i cried at work so i quit. found a new one a month or so later and i'm still there today. they're good there and i like it. it's still the only reason i go out which i don't think is healthy but. it's something. i was invited out for activites earlier today and i said yes. that's another first in a long time that was the first yes i've given in fucking ages. i don't think i have anything to wear oh christ. i need to buy some clothes. god. ok getting into personal life more than personal feelings and that's not what i want to include on this blog. we talk about FEELINGS here not EVENTS.

but ye uh. ig to conclude depression (if i ever had it (i'm only saying that cos i was never officially diagnosed i'm like 99% sure it was there)) i forgot where this sentence was going. ig to conclude, depression. yeah. stay hydrated kids

[thenewtotaldramaseason]

Hm is this the place i can go more in depth about my legitimate weirder sorta "these characters would never even meet let alone be friends" thing bc hear me out:

Sammy, Alejandro, Kitty. Bad Older Sibling Squad (Kitty becomes an alumni/is still just friends with them, obvs. Emma's improvement n development are fantastic to see) I just like the idea they somehow meet n have even maybe SEEN the respective seasons the others were in, and while Kitty is in a much better place, shes still like. yk that was still probably multiple years if not longer shes been kinda treated like that, it just came to a boiling point here, etcetc, and in the end her being a part of it is, more of knowing how it felt, what theyre going through, and an intense deep desire to protect Sammy lol Alejandro is. is there bc i said so. Idk what to tell u i think he can become less of a douche if he had a better support system and was encouraged to do like. Not Evil and Manipulative shit. would that change him entirely??? no. but perhaps he could be allowed two (2) friends of a more normal non snarky/mean/antagonistic nature.

Who DO hate his brother n DONT judge him when he goes off about whatever is going on in his life currently. Like im not gonna get into my full Alejandro analysis bc that. that'd take way too long. and i am alllll too aware a lot of it is headcanons n bias ill have to lay out proper like. but you cant come to my house n say oh yeah his worst fear is his older brother :)" n think its chill or ok or normal or nothing. idc if its a cartoon huff shorts, thats fucked UP dude.

plus side note i hc alejandro as Nonbinary and i think two adorable n probably fashion forward girls will b happy to help him on days he wants to lean more feminine or a bit more out there. nothing to do with their shared trauma, just an extra bit.