#i was gone for almost a full day
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i ran away when i was ten and i remeber almost getting kidnapped i think lmao
#i ran away#and i didn’t even pack a bag or anything#just ran out of the door while stuff was happening and no one was paying attention to me#i was gone for almost a full day#and this guy followed me for a bit#i don’t rmeebr why he left me alone#maybe there wasn’t a reason idk#my parents refused to call the cops to find me- they just drove around the town looking for me#and eventually found me outside of like a gas station or smth#i don’t rmeber it very well#but ten year old me was brave#proud of him
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a lifetime of indentured servitude
used this frame from the mv of "femme fatale" by kedarui as ref for this piece ! just thought that it fit them perfectly orz
#clownzy#branzypierce#branzy#branzycraft#clownpierce#lifesteal#lifesteal smp#mcyt#favourarts#TARGET AUDIENCE ???? TARGET AUDIENCE HELLOOOOOO ??????#i trapped him in the safest base vid changed my life#o7 doing my work in Continuing The Fandom as branzy said . np king#idk what possessed me to do a full fledge illust for this like#i usually dont have the patience to work on the same piece for days in a row#but for this one I Just Did . Huh ....#OKAY LIFE UPDATE college is crazy guys im like 2 weeks in and thank god we have a cat in our dorm i wouldve gone crazy by now if#it werent for the little fella#also its like almost 1am n i probably should sleep now ermmm LMAO#idk wat else 2 say my brain is not working rn it rlly is sleepy time#okay gn everyone i hope u enjoy the toxic yaois zzz
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i finally got around to rewatching hazbin i forgot how happy it made me aaggh
closeups / alt text in the read more
#I LOVE HAZBIN SO MUCH AAAAAAA#riding my fixations because they get me to draw SOMETHING#was actually smiling and kicking my feet#this is actually only my second time watching the full thing :’)#bringing me back to that period where i just rewatched the vox portion of episode 2 over and over every day#i almost didn’t make it through stayed gone btw i felt like my brain was about to go nuclear and explode#i survived though#if you were wondering#doodles#hazbin hotel#eeeugh this one has a lot of characters#hazbin hotel vox#hazbin hotel lucifer#hazbin hotel velvette#hazbin hotel valentino#hazbin hotel charlie#hazbin hotel alastor#i feel weird tagging characters that are barely in the drawing#idk .__. sorry to disappoint anyone looking through the alastor tag#should stop talking to myself in the tags
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#I hadn’t posted about this but last night I found out that my cousin’s kid had gone missing while travelling with friends in Barcelona#they’d lost contact with him 24 hours earlier#and couldn’t find him anywhere#and my mum was with my cousin at the police station for a few hours while they launched an investigation#that basically went from the Victoria police > Australian federal police > interpol > Barcelona police#nobody had any idea where he was and it was genuinely terrifying#anyway I just woke up to a message from mum#saying that they found him and he was okay#his phone and wallet had been stolen#and the poor kid had been wandering around Barcelona for almost two full days trying to find the airbnb#what a massive relief#we were all so worried about him#I guess he was initially a little drunk and shaken up by having his stuff stolen#so didn’t think to wait in the last place he’s seen his friends#and by the time he sobered up he was dehydrated and exhausted and hungry so wasn’t thinking any clearer#especially seeing as it’s been pretty hot there#anyway let this be a psa reminder that if you’re visiting a country where you don’t speak the language#ALWAYS make sure you have a planned meeting point that you know how to find#in case you get into a situation like this#and at the very least learn how to ask for help in the language the locals speak#god he’s so lucky he didn’t end up passed out from heat stroke#or worse
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Time and distance heals things I guess. My parents got into an abusive fight with me after i took markers and pens to most of my clothes in middle school to scribble doodles and social justice messages (most prominently, Save Darfur–which really needs to be a rallying cry again given that the genocide has kicked up again as the Sudanese civil war rages). They were worried I'd look "unpresentable" in my massively oversized boy graphic tees and baggy jeans held up only by the grace of God (this was all by choice btw, i had and have always despised tight clothing and by middle school I had shunned girl clothes all together). But now at 31 I make mention of writing messages in sharpie on new t-shirts and my mom thinks it's cool and my dad offered to buy me proper fabric markers (I declined bc the cheap shirts will prolly wear out before the sharpies fade anyway). Go figure
#it should be noted that both parents GENUINELY APOLOGIZED for how they treated me as a kid#i had gone non contact with my mom for about 8 years and with my dad for almost a full decade#things with my mom had been okayish for a few years prior to covid but we never really discussed it#but when covid hit they both independently (they've been divorced 4 years) realized there was every chance i would die#and that my medically fragile ass would die resenting them#so they really freaked out and began begging my forgiveness#in the same week too oddly enough. they didn't discuss it with each other before hand so that was a wild week#I'm not necessarily sure i forgive them but I'm not angry anymore#it doesn't absolve them but they grew up in the 'don't comfort your crying baby' era of childcare#and didn't know what to do with a child in constant chronic pain and agony and depression#it doesn't justify how they treated me but it does explain how it ended up like this#i feel sorry for them more than anything these days#Anyway tagging this as#child abuse#still tho
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#sorry im thinking abt death again#because it's weird to think that ive been in the room. maybe a meter away from someone as they died#that someone being my mom. its just weird. the time in the hospital feels like it happened in some dark little pocket universe detached from#time. a calm room and then the soft blips of a monitor then the nurse rushing in to say she'd passed#i dont kno y ppl use that phrase: passed on. i mean i do. it softens the topic. makes it sound peaceful. ive yet to use it. i just say she#died bc thats what happened. is that insensitive? i dunno. when i was home i realized that i come off as much stranger than i think. the way#my family see me doesnt fit how i see myself. i dont kno what to do with that. i dunno. theyre all together today#for an early easter. and im halfway across the country again. nose so stuffy ive had to mouth breathe for the last 3 days#and again. everything feels the same as it did before but also profoundly different. sometimes i cry in the mornings. or when i think abt#future vacations she wont be there for. bc in the end she quickly slipped away in a way that couldn't be described as peaceful until her#last half a day. and all i can think about in that tiny room is how scary it would be to lose control like that#and how its not fair and she didnt deserve to die only halfway through a lifetime. but its not about fair and its not about deserving.#sometimes bad things just happen. that's life. and now i own a book called motherless daughters. and now im standing with the countless#others who've lost their moms too early. ive already become aware of 3 ppl in my daily life who are in the same club#i keep thinking about this moment that happened between my parents at the hospital. apparently my dad was helping her get cleaned up and her#stomach was so bloated she looked like she had a bby in there. which my dad said. and my mom apparently said: but it's a baby no one want. i#dont kno y that upsets me so much. all the things i heard abt her being in the hospital before i got there upset me. and the rest of my#family was there to see it. so i have the least traumatic version of the story. and i got almost 27 years with her. except my sisters#probably got more time with her bc i spent so much time away. or maybe not. i dunno.#i dunno. im just sad that shes gone and sad that it was drawn out even a little bit. 6 days isnt long but im sure it felt like an eternity.#again not fair. nothings fair. 53 years of unfairness culminating in a tragedy. she would hate me characterizing it like that. she lived a#full life as they say. full with an asterisk on account of length#unrelated
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Every once in a while I come back to your appraisalshipping art, because those two just live in my head rent free and I just want to say that I love your art so much!
LISTEN i still to this day adore adaman and volo and i've been hellbent on making some new crumbs for them because i've figured out my style a bit more since i initially drew them and i'm the kind of artist that loves to outdo my old work
#i miss them every day#they didn't go anywhere#work has just kept me stupid-busy for the last couple years and finding time for Myself to draw for Me has been#well Tough to put it lightly#i've gone from doing almost a personal piece a day to maybe two or three personal pieces a month sometimes#feels bad but that's kinda to be expected when you have a full time job really
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#my peculiar wife#i'm not rewatching speaking of sex atm i just found this in the vaults (my screenshot folder)#then again i might rewatch it today because i feel like shit and seeing him in such a..... state..... might improve matters#at least yesterday wasn't a total bust#and by that i mean i actually had a decent day yesterday which i haven't been able to say in ages#i left my cave and went to an estate sale where an incredibly attractive middle aged gentleman with silver hair let me have#these two big wooden roll top boxes full of cassettes (many of which are sealed blanks!) for five bucks.....#i haven't gone through them thoroughly yet but it looks like there's a lot of early appalachian gospel#can't go wrong there.........#the man kept calling me sir#sometimes it baffles me that i “”“pass”“” these days because my hair is so damn long and i keep my face clean shaven#so that's nice#with how depressed i've been sometimes i hate to acknowledge when i have a decent day or even a decent moment#because i almost superstitiously feel it will act as a magnet for my depression to swoop in and feed on it#and out of that fear my depression has developed this sort of..... personified stubbornness#where i both consciously and unconsciously avoid what might allow for an opening for “decent moments”.. pleasure.. joy.. whatever might#might grant me relief from pain even just for a moment etc#i don't know what i'm trying to describe here all i know is i feel trying to announce or acknowledge any sort of happiness i experience#feels like i'm directly endangering it#my brain is too scattered right now to try to articulate anything and i don't know why i'm doing so in the tags of a photo of#my peculiar wife james spader#just trying to exist again and not let myself be a hermit to the extent of harold smith which is very much the path i've been on for a long#long time#and i'm chipping away at that nonexistence in strange ways but chipping away nonetheless.......
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#i wish i was confident enough to meet up with my friend irl. i miss having meet ups with a bestie.#i actually met her in secretary school almost a decade ago. but we only just reconnected and became friends after graduation -#like a couple of years ago#she's into tarot & crochet & F1 too. she's basically me lol. we send eachother memes all day and chat a lot too#i don't know what it is. we talked about meeting up several times before but i was still full on dealing with burn-out and anxiety#so i kept my distance because it was hard for me to focus on conversations and social activities took a lot out of me#i kinda wanna try again because i know we'll hit it off but i've gotten so reserved after all of the mental issues i've gone trough#like i don't trust my social capabilities irl lol#ugh. i mean she's even into my number one band. it isn't gonna get any better lolol#anyways. adult friendships are the bane of my existence and it shows#thanks for coming to my rant tags
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Another morning another day
I've been thinking a lot about going to the animal shelter
#speculation nation#there r many cats there and i have an aching spot available for one#passively thinking about getting a kitten. just bc id enjoy getting to raise a cat for once#and i think tally would be a good big sister given how much she groomed cassy#at the same time tho i wanna adopt a cat that might not otherwise be adopted so quickly. aka an adult cat#& also like with tally. i very purposefully picked out the loud black cat bc everyone was passing her up#but she was YELLINGGG at me from the cage. and i was like 'oh alright' and took her home#and now shes my sweet darling girl. she just needed like a year to chill out so she is no longer a chaos demon lmao#it's also hard to know what youre getting with a kitten. and it's a lot of resposibility. so like. idk.#but also. Kitten Cute... 🥺#i'll have to see what they have when i go there. still not happening for at least a few more days.#it feels too soon rn. but im thinking about this all to cope lol. i hate having only one cat.#i keep wanting to go out to greet Cat Number 2 in the living room. but. nope. so i go back to greet tally on my bed#she's a loving cat but she does Not like to be smothered. and im kind of smothering her lmao#that's another reason to get a 2nd cat. yes i want tally to have company when im gone at work#but also i need a second cat that is very affectionate bc I Want My Hugs And Kisses Dammit#idk when im getting his ashes back. probably somewhat soon. id estimate tomorrow? they were rly quick with sammy's#idk what im gonna do if they call while im at work lol. cry probably.#tho i havent cried in almost a full day!! been like 22 hours. i have been Trying to cope. mixed results.#ah well. c'est la vie and all that shit.#animal death ment/
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free MoMu entry was great actually thanks
#mine#they are SO funny though the lil gift shop. giving you the option to buy simone rocha jewelry or some walter van beirendonck hello?#stepping outside and str8 into the dries van noten storefront. bestie! i would LOVE to but simply do not have the funds#local woman gets cheap transport and into museum fr free. proceeds to spend 30 euros on glittery full length skirt at ''thrift'' store#and another 20 on moonstone ring at gandalf. stops herself frm bying full akotee store at least#momu archive pieces were also insane btw. seeing a >100 yr old piece like ''this dress is a sleeping beauty: it must lie flat.#The sleeves are torn in several places and are so delicate that the garment is almost too fragile to move''. like ohh everythings transient#insane to see a party costume with armpit sweat stains still chronicling the night out of someone long gone. this too will perish some day#anyway tram ride and dinner at my dads was also good but obv i dont take doxxable pictures of that stuff yanno#i never made it to the flea market or library which also apparently had some typa montly book sale going on at its square. but ah well <3
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WARNING: The penalty for trespassing on the railway is £1000.
#here is the story of two researchers and one 0 on the truth table. here is how you almost tied up my arm in a belt#because you lost your tourniquet and neither of you could find my veins. did it feel good to get it off your chest#did it feel cathartic to talk about sin? in a room full of policymakers and experts i shook hands with a theoretical#physicist creating breathing metal. we talked about annual ruination. there is a boy in gold earrings#and two strangers growing a fake hologram with their minds. you discover you like wine and that you are#perhaps only a little bit cutthroat. here is a teapot full of tequila and a glance a curling of the lips that renders you [0]#first on the index and quickly overlooked. you want to be loved? here is the difficult bit. girl teaches you how to speak mandarin. still#too drunk to find your veins but here i want to be loved anyway. in a shocking turn of events the thing that keeps me alive#projected through my lovers noise cancelling headphones causes a slow peak in the 10 millisecond span i process#falling lights and yet increases accuracy to almost 87.5%. is it magic or are you just discussing your downfall?#the truth is have no skill or qualification to my name. i want you to listen to me. he said you will be a king. he said if a bomb#fell on this room everything that matters would be over. YOU WANNA LEARN ABOUT LOVE YOU SELFISH FUCKER? YOU SHOULD HAVE CHOSEN ME#WHEN YOU WERE 15. THE LOVE IS GONE IF YOU HAVE TO ASK IT. hes the alaskan#WHEN YOU WERE 15. THE LOVE IS GONE IF YOU HAVE TO ASK IT. i am the alaskan malmute under the dinner table begging for scraps#in a place im not supposed to be. in the field it was me with the drumsticks her (the world piano champion and the researcher and the#the machine gun) with the 巴乌 him with the guitar this is outside of london this is the ex presidents ex advisor telling you to give up#this is your brain and this is the day after doom. this is her washing the EEG conductive gel out of your hair in the restaurant bathroom#this is the skill to possess guilt without carrying shame.
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My upcoming check is so pitiful wtf
#bad enough that they cut one of my days and a bunch of hours but lord what is this omg#and they expect us to bus it every time we come in but don’t want to pay us#I’m gonna start clocking in early again as usual and clocking out late and also taking a short lunch instead of a full 30 min unfortunately#just to make my full 8 hrs#which I shouldn’t have to do all of this shit#my check is like below 800 ain’t no way when they used to be almost 2k- kidding me bro#or at least a quarter of that#I hate this place#rambling#most of my taxes are already gone because of bills and stuff#man…#and I gave my aunt 300 to pay for our grannies headstone#I told my mom that I’ll take care of it so that she could save/keep her money for herself but oh man#and I still have to pay for her life insurance/ give her some more money because I always give her extra once at the beginning of the month#just so that she could have some money for herself#uajajajaj#emo…#if my boss comes over to me asking me again to not clock in early I’m gonna tell her that I’m barely making 8 hrs anymore and my check is#small as shit#no I am not editing my time
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OUGH I WAS SLEEPING HEAD IN HANDS how was your week beloved wiggles :D♡
kdlsfgdj i was wonderering where u were, i felt so smug abt sending the ask early, only to slowly reaise u were probably asleep/afak
my week has been good !! i am in the last stretch of exams and experiencing the euphoria of having 1 left !! i literally cried after my one today bc i was so releived abt it being over lmao (it was good crying to be clear)
i hace also been on my good sleep schedule setting - ive been going to bed before 10pm and waking up at 6:30 every day this week !! i am impressed w myself tbh..
uhhh.. still in exam mode so nothing much else to report.. i spent time w my family yesterday which was nice - a full afternoon of chatting and catching up. theres also going to be more later this week, as i am having family meals w both sides of my family on sunday (breakfast w my dads side and afternoon tea with my mums! shes making scones and brownie bites, as well as the classic sandwhiches)
i also got several new piecws of clothing - 2 pieces of danny ric merch (merch is a strong word for it, you wouldnt realise it was merch if u looked at it), and a new pair of shoes from doc martens! theyre a 3 inch block heel and are quite literally a weapon in itself (I can still outrun my friends in them tho, which is the important thing obv)
so yeah! nothing interesting but i have been riding the high of finishing exams so theres nothing much to complain abt :]
#wiggles asks#hi rain :D#i didnt realise how big this ask was wow#i was like: nothing rly happened. and then wrote a mini essay abt it#i hope u have as nice a weekend as i am#WAIT I FOGOT OT MENTION HOW HOT IT IS ATM#THE WEATHER SUDDENLY REMEMBERED ITS SUPPOSED TO BE SUMMER AND HAS GONE FULL 100#i have been sleeping w a fan 4 days this week. it is FAR too hot to be reasonable#i was almost a wiggles puddle today#luckily my exam hall has aircon#or an equivalent fan system idk#wow i am talkative today
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Went into the shower thinking how tired I am, came out steamed and ready to throw hands
#I'm still tired#Like#I don't work long hours but I work 2 jobs#Drive every day of the week#Like today was my long day was gone for almost 11 hrs#Carrying a full credit load#And this dude can't even help in a lab group?#Like dude just email me back#Gonna throw hands tomorrow I'm texting my group mate bc this is shitty as hell#elv's mumblez
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I never understand how I’m always so super chill as a person, but also deal with the extreme urge to flee or escape at times - that boils so strong in my blood. Especially when I feel like I am [physically, as in: being in a building or a certain situation] trapped. (It’s inherited, I come from a fam of flee-ers.)
#I sometimes wonder if I don't have a form of claustrophobia/agoraphobia - honestly#I almost had a full panic attack on my last day of internship when all my colleages circled around me with praising words and gifts for -#30 min and I felt like I was being held hostage lol as in I was getting SO impatient standing still having to listen to them :-)#I just wanted to jump out of the building??? that is not a normal reaction#but the ventilation on that floor was also way off :^) in my defense - so I got feverish and sweaty#*my grandpa was also known as the social village baker who everyone loved to see but couldn't carry a conversation for the life of him-#and he was always gone within a second (yep)#personal
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