#i was feeling so bad physically and mentally for weeks now

[shamebats]

Fun fact: where I live in Europe, there are only 2 options when it comes to testosterone HRT, you either get topical T (usually gel) or a slow release shot (testosterone undecanoate, Nebido is the most common brand). My levels only barely got into the "male" range with topical T so I switched to the shot. Well, the way this shot works, a nurse has to inject the entire vial (1000mg) into my butt muscle, it's a thick oily liquid & it hurts going in & for a few days after, even though my nurse is very experienced with it.

The recommended spacing between shots is 12 weeks. I've found that my T levels already drop too low after 6 weeks, and from what I've read online, 12 weeks is the spacing cis men with low T get.

I can't have stable T levels. Apparently, your T levels are at their highest about a week after the shot and then they just keep dropping. My hormones are always fluxuating and it's very unpleasant. My doctor thankfully (although visibly reluctantly) agreed to let me get the shot every 7 weeks but I start feeling like shit after week 6. So I often get one week where I feel like shit & get very close to quitting my job & giving up on life. I'm on an estrogen blocker now because I can't rely on having high enough T to suppress it.

I get bad physical & mental health symptoms so I can tell when my T is too low but I'm sure a significant portion of trans masc people here aren't getting high enough doses because even cis men say that their levels get too low a month early on the 12 schedule.

If I wanted to do weekly shots, I'd have to go the DYI route because no such form of testosterone is approved here.

i fully buy that this (lowdosing) is true but oh my God why does it have to come back to "TMEs" believing that it's weaker? Why is the medical industry so invested in that? Why wouldn't it be invested in making "TMAs" believe that?

Most of the "TMEs" people refer to already have bodies that are affected by estrogen. In fact, if you actually talk to "transandrobros" you will find we often discuss how estrogen is wrongly and misogynistically portrayed as the weaker hormone, when we KNOW it isn't because it fundamentally changed our bodies in ways that require medical intervention to change again. Like. what do you think WE are gaining from trans women getting low dosed or propaganda about estrogen being weak. Why does this have to be about how the medical industry loves trans men and is only systemically against trans women. Hellloooooo

[deejadabbles]

Hello, friends. I know it's been a while. I've been meaning to make and post this for forever. Below I'll go into a bit more detail about what's been going on, but the tldr is basically: Life has dealt me some not great hands this past year, and during that time I lost my muse for the fandom.

I wanted to let everyone who followed my works know that I will no longer be updating my fics. At least not for the foreseeable future. My brain likes to cycle through fandoms, so I might cycle back around (its happened before!), but for now at least, I probably won't be writing/posting anything.

Thank you to everyone who read my fics and continue to read them, you mean the world to me and I'll still be around if you ever want to chat 💙

tag list: @sev-on-kamino (@returnofthepineapple ) @starrylothcat @sinfulsalutations @commander-sunshine @dystopicjumpsuit @littlemissmanga @wings-and-beskar @freesia-writes @idontgetanysleep @523rdrebel @moonlightwarriorqueen @briefartnaturewolf @kimiheartblade @littlemissbshine @chubbyhedgehog @ladytano420 @trixie2023 @wizardofrozz

There's a bit more detail about personal stuff under the cut, but you absolutely do not have to read if you don't have the spoon to <3

So, I won't go into graphic detail, but over the last year I had several life upheavals. Including losing my job, my mother falling ill, and several other deeply personal things. Thankfully, my loved ones and I are managing, and for that, I'm thankful.

I've been struggling with my mental health during all of this, too, and I don't think I realized just how bad it was until I saw how poorly my physical health had gotten as well. I'm currently taking steps to better both my mental and physical health, so don't worry <3

In fact, taking some of those steps this week is what really made me realize that I probably won't be writing for the Star Wars fandom for awhile. It looks like my rolodex brain is choosing to fixate on comics again right now lol (BTW I do have a comic themed side blog if anyone wants to follow it)

I'll still be around on this blog, of course. SW is and always will be a huge part of my life, I just wont be interacting with fanfiction on the same level. Not to mention that I've met so many wonderful people I've come to cherish in this fandom, I'm still just a message away if you ever want to chat! I've missed you guys a lot over this last year

Thank you, if you've read this far. I won't lie and say I'm doing okay (especially with the state of america right now) but I'm at least surviving and trying to get better. If anyone else want to come chat and catch up, please feel free to. In the mean time, keep fighting and ily💙

[frijolebean]

Be a Better Angel-(5/5)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

[steelthroat]

You know when you say "i am at my lowest" it could mean several different things.

There are falvors of lowest.

Like "oh this is the lowest but actually it's fixable in 3 days so yeah i am.clam even tho i am tired as fuck and also at my lowest"

Or "this is the lowest and i see no light at the end of the tunnel"

Or "this is the lowest but it's also really fucking funny"

And "this is the lowest in recent times but not the lowest ever so yeah not great but could be worse"

And there's also the difference between the self-inflicted lowest and the inflicted from above lowest.

So yeah, there are several bottoms in a single barrel and you can always stoop lower, but it's also not necessarily that bad ig.

[wolfsong-the-bloody-beast]

Some people in this fandom claim that they want complex characters, but they can't even handle Bellara.

"Why does Bellara, a Dalish elf, feel guilty over what her ancestors did?"

Like, do you understand that she says something like that in that one dialogue cutscene because she is falling apart under absolutely unimaginable circumstances, and people feel and say irrational things when they're in a crisis? Do you understand that sometimes people need to work through complicated emotions that aren't actually facts? Have you never experienced self-loathing thoughts based on where you live or where you come from?

[lordelmelloi2]

🥲

[icewindandboringhorror]

I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently

[mypeggableromance]

.

[rapidhighway]

ououghhh

[fitzselfships]

Today has sucked so bad I need tk be in my partner's arms instead of dealing with all of this </3

[disengaged]

alright anorexia is boring, let’s get yolked

[trafficpan-ic]

Going to the doctor tomorrow for physical things but Im really sure it hot things to do with how mentally bad i am right now. So probably just gonna Be honest and tell what is on my mind.

[mutalune]

really wish there was a tag that separated “I’m having Big Angry and/or Angsty Opinions about Star Wars” from “I’m goofing off with Star Wars I’m playing in the sandbox none of this is real so yes I will make my blorbo and this random glub shitto go on an adventure that makes no logical sense” posts because there’s too much of the former and not enough of the latter for my current mental state

[southernvampire]

uterus has been yeeterused

[candyriku]

finally getting a chance to work on chapter 15 today :-)

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

Got overwhelming depressed so I bought tea