#i havent felt this in tune with my body since i was a kid

[southernvampire]

uterus has been yeeterused

[augustheads]

hey! wild child sounds really interesting, I may have to watch it! 🤔 as for today’s question, let me ask: what are your top 5 taylor songs? give me details on why! 🎅

hi anon! thanks <3

top 5 is hard because i havent done a formal sorter since post evermore, and so much has changed. so im gonna try and throw something tg

state of grace - i dont think a song can ever top it because to me its so taylor-esque and has that country-pop-rock sound that i love from her "so you were never a saint and i loved in shades of wrong, we learn to live with the pain, mosaic broken hearts, but this love is brave and wild" changed the course of my life

august - this song alters my brain chemistry the moment i hear "salt air" at the time i first heard the song i only ever felt like i was august, not in the literal sense but felt mentally discarded by people. the hook "remember when i pulled up and said 'get in the car', ..." is mind-boggling, life-changing, one of a kind songwriting

you're on your own, kid - this was an instant favorite off of midnights. though this song is custom to taylor's experience, there are moments where i know we can all see ourselves. growing up is hard and the world sucks so it fits to a lot of people. the production slow build into a triumphant end feels so right. my mom always said to me how i need to by my own biggest fan, and how i am the only one that is always there with me, every step of the way. it is hard to live by that every day, forget every month, year, etc, but that's why yoyok means to much to me. "i hosted parties and starved my body like i'd be saved by a perfect kiss" still makes me want to tear up every time.

blank space - the hottest pop babe of the catalogue. cruel summer's chaotic older sister that needs to be bailed out of jail. black space is pop perfection, and the blank space/style/ootw trio is one of the most powerful pop tracklisting I've experienced in my listening life, and i think its the best trio of tracklisting in taylor's catalogue. i would love to sing this karaoke one day, but you need to COMMIT to the part. "and you'll come back each time you leave, 'cause darling I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream" like??? how the fuck was this allowed, this is the sexiest lyric ever. it is hot but instills the fear of life into you.

champagne problems - this song is the saddest tune i love to listen on repeat. this essence of, 'am i the girl who's 'fucked in the head'? will i ruin someone else's life because i cannot commit? am i doomed to this being my reality one day?' is why i come back to it. the piano is gorgeous, lyrics devastating, and has that direct storytelling that i love from taylor. "your midas touch on the chevy door, November flush and your flannel cure, 'this dorm was once a mad house,' i made a joke 'well, it's made for me,' how evergreen our group of friends don't think we'll ever say that word again, and soon they'll have the nerve to deck the halls that we once walked through: one for the money, two for the show, i never was ready so i watched you go; sometimes you just don't know the answer till someones on his knees and asks you.. 'she would've made such a lovely bride, what a shame she'd fucked in the head,' they said but you'll find the real thing instead.. she'll patch up your tapestry that i shred"... you get the picture...

honorable mentions in no particular order: i knew you were trouble, i know places, the lakes, cruel summer, 'tis the damn season, love story, and call it what you want

the folkevermore songs have such a tight grip on me is what i learned from this

also you asked for details so i absolutely wanted to give 'em. thank u bestie.

[st4rry4pples]

alas, i have made it back from the trenches (my toilet)

man, what is there to say? kate was the first real queer female representation i had seen in media, which was cool for little gay me. aidy has always been one of my favorites, she just has this loving and fun energy thats impossible to not make you smile. kyle is the most autistic non autistic person ive ever seen and i mean that in the best way possible. not only is he hilarious in all the weird shit hes done on the show but his creations outside of snl are amazing (watch brigsby bear!) and i cant wait to see what he does next (just please dont let it be dressing up as baby yoda dear god). and lastly, pete... pete davidson has gotten me thru some really shitty times. as a kid whos anxiety and hypochondria got so bad to where i couldnt leave the house, it was always cool to see a rad lad like him being so honest with his mental health struggles. ive been thru a lot with pete, all his rich fancy girlfriends, his movies. i remember one day at school i had felt depressed and completely burned out, so durinf my lunch break i watch (part of) his special alive from new york, and suddenly my troubles melted into laughter... until i would find out later that day that school would be shut down do to a pandemic 👍 but his comedy definitely distracted my anxiety for a bit which was cool. no matter his tone deaf choices in women, petey boy is always gonna have a special place in my heart :-)

now, where the hell can i start with you guys. im gonna be open here, i started liveblogging snl in feburary of 2020 (i know im ancient) then the pandemic hit and i fell into the worst mental state of my life. for once i didnt have an answer. i felt completely and utterly useless and didnt feel like i was living in my own body. every day felt the same. of top of that in august of 2020, a friend of mine took his own life. so adding grief onto my isolation made every day feel like a nightmare i couldnt wake up from... that was until i thought of actually doing something and getting in the snl liveblog tag again, where i was very pleasantly surprised at the community that had suddenly blossomed out of nowhere. at first, our crew was small, but it grew and grew with every month and soon it became a tradition i looked forward to every week. things had started to feel real again and i finally had something in life to look forward to even if it was just for an hour and a half every saturday (mid)night.

flash to a year and a half later and i can honestly say i am in the best mental state since i was a kid. sure i have my own set of problems and the world keeps getting wilder and wilder by the minute but i finally feel real yknow? im finally with my friends again and ive gotten so much better with my relationships and myself and balancing things (ok for the most lart i have a shit ton of work to do) hell even with work i finally feel an ounce of motivation, im even motivated to do stuff i like again like draw! i havent drawn reguarly in 3 years! i can honestly say that tuning in with you guys every saturday night has definitely made a difference more than you know. and while a big change may be happening to 8h, hell they got us through a big change and now its time for us to root them through one. thank you all from the bottom of my heart from hearing me ramble about my special interest, i wouldnt be who i am without snl or the comedy of the cast members throughout generations. its shaped me as a person and im proud to contribute to this niche little community :-)

i love you all, take care of yourselves, [insert an snl reference here im too tired to come up with], and i'll see you all in october :-)

[lazyfox411]

Qrow Angst

This is the first ever fic I’ve written for RWBY! and the first one ive published in a hot minute  thanks to @r3al-illusion and @spiderling-the-meme for being my awesome beta readers! love you guys <3 this is compliant with and set immediately after the volume 5 finale (so...spoilers if you havent seen that?) pretty please yall tell me what you think of this!! this will be my first work in this fandom and i want to know if you guys would like to see more!

His hands were shaking. He needed a drink.

After a minute of inspection, he handed the relic back to Yang. She didn't much look like she wanted to hold it, but neither did Qrow; he'd already made up his mind on carrying Ozpin--err, Oscar--back to the house, and his shaky hands were threatening to drop the lantern if he didn't hand it off. He was a trained huntsman, but he'd taken some heavy hits, and his aura could only protect him so much. The adrenaline was starting to wear off, and replacing it was a plethora of aches and pains. The worst, though, was the hollow, empty feeling in his chest. Growing, and festering, threatening to swallow him whole. He slipped his flask from his pocket and took a swig, but it didn't help like it usually did.

Pro huntsmen don't just disappear like that.

They don't, Qrow thought bitterly, unless they get mixed up in the business of a bad luck charm.

It was too late now. They were all gone. Maybe if he had warned them, if he wasn't such a fuck-up, if he would just get his head out of the goddamn gutter then maybe he could have prevented this, maybe they could have taken out Salem long ago, or at least maybe he would have known better than to just let Lionheart keep scheming.

But he hadn't done any of that. And all of those innocent people had paid the price. Maybe to some they didn't seem innocent, and sure, not all were respectable, some were lowlifes that scrounged around bars and taverns, but none of them had deserved to die for a cause they didn't even know existed.

He scooped up Oscar. The poor kid was still passed out on the floor, looking very small and very exhausted. It was hard to believe Beacon's former headmaster was stowed away inside. 

Qrow looked around for the rest of his kids, subconsciously wondering when he'd ever started to consider them "his" kids. The Schnee girl was handling the bombardment of questions from gathering police and reporters, telling them only what they needed to know and remaining composed and cordial.

Just like her sister, Qrow reflected, and very much unlike himself. Hell, he was ready to just yell at all these nosy people to just go home and mind their own damn business. He didn’t have the energy for this.

The dark-haired girl who had just shown up, Qrow recognized her as one of Ruby's teammates he'd been told so much about, though he couldn't for the life of him remember her name with the pounding in his head getting worse and exhaustion sweeping in. She had turned to address the massive group of Faunus she'd brought with her, thanking them for coming and bringing down Adam Taurus, and even though he'd escaped they'd done a number on him and blah blah blah. Qrow lost interest.

Yang had retrieved her arm, now, and was helping Ruby to her feet. The blond kid and what was left of his team were gushing over his newfound semblance, and Qrow...Qrow was tired.

He was silent on the walk home. Ruby and her teammates blabbered the whole way, filling each other in on their adventures. The dark haired girl introduced herself as Blake, and the other Faunus boy she'd brought with her was Sun.

"Pleasure to meet you," Qrow managed in a low, gravelly voice, "Ruby's told me a lot about you."

He tuned everything out after that. Or rather, the fuzzy, ringing sound in his head took over, and he didn't try to stop it.

They'd arranged a nest of blankets and pillows on the floor for Oscar when he'd showed up, but this time Qrow brought the boy to the room he shared with Ruby, and laid him in his own bed where he could rest more comfortably.

Qrow was pretty sure every bone in his body cracked as he straightened up, and a stitch in his side had him lowering himself back down to sit on the edge of the bed. He pulled out his scroll, and uncapped his flask, and went over the list of names one last time. All brave, strong warriors. All gone. All because of him.

A part of him knew that not all of this had to be his fault, and Lionheart's betrayal was really to blame, but right now that part was swallowed in grief and loathing.

He tossed his scroll aside and set his head in his hand. "What do I do, Oz?"

The only reply was Oscar's soft breathing.

Qrow hauled himself to his feet, grunting with the effort, and hobbled his way back into the living room. God, he'd never felt this old before.

The rest of the kids were sat in a ring around the relic, curled up on couches and cross-legged on the floor. They all stared at him when he walked in.

"You should all get some rest," Qrow told them, noting the way their eyes drooped and shoulders sagged. One by one, they filed out of the room, mumbling quietly about sleeping arrangements now that there were more of them in the group.

He and Ruby were the last in the room. She smiled up at him tiredly and stretched out her arms towards him.

"Nope," he denied her grabby hands, though they both knew he'd already caved. He groaned as he gave in and scooped her up in his arms. Qrow was exhausted, but there was no way he could say no to his little niece.

He carried her to bed and tucked her in, pulling the covers up to her chin.

"You gonna be alright, kiddo? Is there anything else you need?" He asked softly, or as softly as he could.

Ruby looked up at him with wide silver eyes. "Some water might be nice. Please," she added, and, "I love you, Uncle Qrow."

He gave her a wry smile, "Get some sleep, kiddo." He paused as he left the room. "Love you too."

She was asleep when he got back. He set her glass of water on the bedside table and pressed a tender kiss to her forehead. He left a second glass for Oscar, and gathered up the tray he'd prepared for the rest of the kids.

He went to Yang and Weiss' room first. Blake was with them, and they each gratefully accepted a glass of water. Yang gave him a quick side hug. He didn’t miss the haunted look that hadn't left her eyes since the loss of her arm.

"You did good today, Firecracker," he told her, "take it easy."

"You too," she nudged him gently with her elbow, "old man."

Qrow chuckled. That certainly didn't help make him feel any younger.

Jaune accepted the tray and what was left of the glasses with a nod and thank you, and disappeared into his room where the rest of the team was holed up. Qrow all but collapsed on the couch after that, basking in the silence. It was only a few minutes before his hands started shaking again.

How much did Shiro owe you?

Qrow took another drink.

His name is clear.

He sat, and he drank, and he tried not to think.

There was light shining through the windows when he finally pulled himself out of his thoughts. He didn’t dare look at the clock, didn't want to know how many hours he'd spent just sitting and thinking. He'd emptied the flask.

"Uncle Qrow?" The voice was Yang's.

It took him a moment to remember how to move. Slowly, he turned his head. Yang, Weiss and Blake were standing in the threshold, all looking concerned.

What are they looking at, Qrow thought, brain going numb again, there's nothing to see.

"Uncle Qrow, are you alright?"

"Peachy," he muttered.

"Are you hungry?" Yang asked tentatively. "We were going to make some pancakes."

The thought of eating made him want to vomit. "No."

"Maybe you could help us make them," Weiss offered, and bent down to speak to him as if he were a child, "to take your mind off things."

A part of him knew they were just trying to be nice, trying to help, but that was the same part that knew all those deaths weren't all his fault. Something inside Qrow snapped.

"I said no!" he roared, pushing himself off the couch and making his way to the door.

Listen buddy, I'm having a rough week. Can you tell me where she is or not?

"Uncle Qrow?"

Daddy?

"Where are you going?"

Does this man know where mommy is?

"Out," Qrow snapped, I'm terribly sorry to bother you.

He slammed the door with enough force to knock a few shingles loose. Just his luck.

He slapped some lien down on the counter.

"What do you want?" the bartender asked.

"Whatever you've got," Qrow said hoarsely, shifting in his seat. His back was just about killing him.

Pity filled the old barkeep's eyes, mixed with a sad understanding. Qrow pretended not to notice. He downed the first drink, and the second. Stopped counting after that. Kept going until he couldn't feel himself shaking anymore.

The bar wasn't empty, not quite, there was somebody passed out in a corner, and a group of people engaged in a poker game around a worn table.

A woman stood up from the poker table to get her group another round of drinks. She bumped into Qrow at the counter.

"Sorry," she said.

"Hmph," Qrow mumbled.

Five minutes later, she lost the game.

"Guess your luck ran dry tonight," one of her friends said. Qrow started to laugh, quietly at first, ending in a series of loud, hacking coughs. Heads turned. They all looked at him like he was a lunatic. Hell, maybe he was.

He stood up from his seat, clutching onto the edge of the counter.

"Did I--hurp--pay you 'nuff?" he slurred at the bartender.

The old man didn't answer. Instead, he asked, "Do you have a family?"

Qrow scoffed, thinking of Raven. Then he thought about Ruby, and Yang, and the other kids.

"Kinda," he replied, blinking the blurry spots out of his vision.

"Go home," the bartender said, not unkindly.

The cold air hit him like a brick wall when he stepped outside, suffocating, imposing, encasing. The force knocked him to weak knees, and he vomited a stream of bile onto the ground. He couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten anything. Maybe he should have taken the girls up on their pancake offer.

God, he'd really yelled at them, hadn't he? What was Ozpin going to say to him? What was Ruby, sweet and innocent Ruby, going to think of her beloved uncle now? All those kids looked to him like he was the adult, the grownup, but they were more grown than he'd ever be. They'd all lost people, people they were close to, and they were still fighting. And where was Qrow? On the ground, drunk and alone, in the middle of the night. When had it even gotten dark?

"I'm sorry," he said, to no one in particular.

Overhead, a flash of lightning lit the sky, beckoning a clap of thunder, and all at once, the heavens rained down, drenching the city of Mistral in heavy rain.

"Seems about right," Qrow muttered, hauling himself to his feet. It wasn't long before he began shivering. He pulled his tattered cape tighter around his shoulders and headed back to his kids.

He fumbled with his key in front of the house, clothes soaked through and dripping wet. Inside, he leaned against the door as shivers racked his frame and water pooled beneath him in a puddle. He closed his eyes and and waited for it all to subside.

"Uncle Qrow?"

"Ruby," he sighed, looking to where she was perched alone on the edge of the couch, "what are you doing up?"

"Waiting for you," she said simply. "Where have you been? We've missed you."

They both knew she already knew the answer.

"I missed you," Ruby continued. "I was worried."

Qrow opened his mouth, but then closed it. He didn’t know what to say. Ruby was worried. He'd worried her. She cared about him. Maybe he should feel grateful about that, but all he could feel right now was ashamed.

"Come sit down," Ruby patted the couch next to her, "you look tired."

That was probably true. He hadn't slept in a while. Qrow shuffled over and slouched into the soft fabric.

Ruby tugged a blanket over his shoulders, sticking her tongue out as she concentrated on adjusting it just right. Qrow just sat there and let her.

"There," she said, curling up next to him, warmth pressed against his side. She didn't say anything for a few minutes, which was unusual for her, and then came a soft, "I'm sorry Uncle Qrow."

What was left of Qrow's cold, bitter heart shattered.

"No, kid, no, it's not--this is my fault, this is all on me. I'm the one who's sorry. Don't be sorry, don't blame yourself for, for this," he gestured vaguely at himself, his current state, "for me. I'm just..."

"It's ok," Ruby said, and Qrow was inclined to believe her, because she was so honest and pure and good. "I know it's hard, Uncle Qrow, I understand."

Having this conversation was a hell of a lot harder than anything he'd imagined.

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "You kids deserve better than this, you deserve better than this, kiddo. I'm...I'll do better, I can do better."

Ruby smiled, and hugged him tighter. "I love you, Uncle Qrow."

Qrow let his eyes slip shut, and rested his chin on her head. "I love you too," he whispered.

[single30smumtobeviaspermdon-blog]

This Is Me -33,Single,Mummy to be Via Sperm Donor.

So today is my first ever blog post. So I will introduce myself and why I wanted to start a blog.

My name is Jessica, I’m 34 this year,been single for the past 8 years. I’ve dated guys here and there but never anything long term,my friends would say I was a “ProActive Dater” and I  always seem to be the one who gets burnt, I’m finding the guys I’ve met dont really wanna settle down,or just be dating just me, or they have been married or in a long term relationship,had kids and dont want anymore. So it leaves me to where I am now?

When I was 26, I was told I had the early signs of cervical cancer,at the time I was recently single after a 6 year relationship ended, I felt my whole world would be over, as only the year before my mum was diagnosed with stage 4 mestactic breast cancer and was only given 18 months to live

.After 7 years of surgerys,check ups every 3-6 months then being told I may not ever have children, I could never get too “clucky” as I didnt want to get my hopes up.It wasnt until October 2018 I got my results back after a 12 mth clearance to be told, its completly gone...The shock and emotion I had at the time I broke down and cryed with joy as I never thought this rollercoaster would end and my specialist did tell me if it came back,It would have resulted in a hysterectomy.I felt it was a gift from my mother,(She lost her battle to cancer in July 2017,after 7.5 yrs fighting)

You could say after I walked out of the doctors surgery that day, I walked out with a new lease on life, I started to think more about the future and what I wanted for myself. I became clucky and thinking to myself wow I can become a mum.. But I’m 33 and single and nothing on the horizon and just tired of dating,the lies and bullshit you have to go through.So I was thinking alot of friends who are married with kids,ones who are single parents on there own and doing it well and looking at the chance of doing IVF.

I was telling an old time friend about my plans to be a mum and was looking at doing IVF, then she had told me about a Australian site a friend of hers is on where there are donors willing to help people out. Her friend is in the process atm. So I added the site. I also remember seeing on tv a few yrs ago this site helping people becoming parents. I joined the group seen what people write or donors wanting to offer there help  etc. It amazed me really, there are kind people out there willing to help peoples dreams of parenthood come true.

So a few weeks past,my holiday to Bali on my own came up, this was my chance to relax and really think if I’m gonna do this and also cause my depo shot was now due (contraceptive). I weighed up the Pro’s and Con’s and decided Lets do this, I’ll be 40 by the time Mr Right may show up and sweep me off my feet then it will be too late to start a family for me. Plus I’m just done with dating right now.Whilst I was away I was scrolling the doner site etc and I happened to see a doner ad which caught my attention. Hes new to the whole thing as am I . I wrote a comment on his ad and said, I’d be looking at the end of the year, as I’m waitng for the depo to wear off and get periods again etc. I really didn’t think I’d get a reply as it seems to far away and there were already comments to him.

I woke up the next day and BOOM..There was a reply from the donor to my email,saying he would be interested to help possibly and wanted to know more about me etc and care to chat. I couldnt believe I got a reply, He told me he had over 10 offers and He only wants to donate twice. I didnt know how my chances would be really..After a few days of chatting and expectations of how it will be done etc,he told me he wanted to help out. It all has fallen into my lap easily so far.So its been 5 weeks since I’ve come off my contraceptive and feeling all the withdrawal symtoms.After being on the depo shot on and off over 10 yrs I havent had a period for 3 years, so now its the waiting process at the moment. I have been reading womens post to help get your body on track so I’ve just started taking a pregnancy tablet to take daily to help me along and get my body ready. And I’ll be booking in to see my doctor to let them know about my future plans and see how everything looks.

So I’ve told some close friends and a few work people my plan and desires of being a mum and how I’m going to do this by a sperm donor. Alot have been positive and supportive,I have a great friend network around me, but there has been a couple who have there own veiws, some are set in old school ways thinking you have to be married and be 2 parents to have a baby,some are weirded out with the way I’m going to do this with someone I don’t know or just seeing if I’m ready for this journey? I think some also forget how old I actually am?

The reason why I chose to do it this way via a donor is because my child will have the name of the person who helped me create them,not just from a lab where you get very limited information on doners. I also will be going to meet the donor soon and catch up and make sure he’s the right fit and has the same intentions as I do. I have a friend who will come and give me there advice too. Soo thats everything in the works and is up to date as of now, so I will post when I have updates and journey progress. 

I really just wanted to do a blog to help not only myself but also women in the same positon,where there single and wanting to be a mum and are gonna do it on there own via sperm donor and show yes they can do it on there own and do a damn good job.

This will be on my progress and also on life as my days are never to dull

Till next time :) Stay Tuned!