#i was draw to her design bc . well its all over the place

[mailb0xbunii]

pony from an obscure pony show i discovered today ...... i might watch it but idk yet

[werezmastarbucks]

best of luck! ~bangtan

silly!tormented!yoongi x clueless!f!MUA!reader

summary: years spent under your gentle, caring hand, make Yoongi realize he is in love with you. the problem is: how does he go about it? what if a confession, or a move, topples the fragile, curated, professional peace? his first mistake is going to his members for advice.

author's note: Yoongi is a bit stupid but you are outright dense lmao. i once wrote this story per a request and now the idea of Yoongi trying out the six different methods of hitting up on a girl visited me again and i found it funny. also: why do i mention excel in all my fics? is it a disorder?

warnings / tags: clueless reader, skinny love, mega sweet/flirty Yoongi, it's supposed to be comedy hopefully, swearing, lil bit of fuckboying, dramatic present, angst if you really search for it, fluff fluff FLUFF, shmexual tension, suggestive dialogues, bangtan boys demonstrate flirting techniques on each other?? Yoongi's pov mostly. my favourite genre of bangtan: slightly silly, good, overenergetic guys. Tom Cruise references throughout? bc i was a Tom Cruise fan even before BTS was even a thing

word count: 11500

Yoongi knows no other make up artist wears perfume on their wrist. The crew generally tries not to wear any strong scents when working because the dressing rooms are smallish, and the amount of people, each one with the distinctive smell, makes it bad enough as it is. Jimin smells like cotton candy all the time, and, as if it's not irritating on its own, he pours the fragrance on himself every morning or maybe even takes a shower of it. So one can imagine the sensory overload of it all; cramped in a small chair, swung and pulled in all directions, bright light hitting the eyes, someone's fingers pulling his eyelids apart and poking his eyeball with colour lenses. And in the middle of it - a small island of peace, streamlined concentration. Subtle, flowery, calm smell of the perfume on your wrist. Once you put your hand to his face, brushing over an eyebrow, Yoongi feels calm, enveloped in it like it's a hug. He had smelt it on you once, years ago, and mentioned it - and you didn't have to be told twice. Yoongi isn't sure, but he prefers to believe you started putting it on the gentle, sensitive spot on your wrist to keep him happy.

It's a small, caring, friendly gesture.

He realizes he is attuned to it because he is focused on you more than anybody. The discovery doesn't hit, or slap him; he finds it pretty well-expected. Spending so much time undone before you, putting his face up for you, maintaining eye contact, breathing in your flowers, he found it difficult to resist falling in love. You are, after all, incredibly funny, muttering under your nose as you work his birthmarks back into places, contouring his nose, retelling him the gossip from behind the scenes. You know his features intimately. You notice the changes in it. You're the first of all to say something when the dark circles under his eyes become prominent. You know his skin; what it needs; how it glows; what you do not realize, he is certain, is that all the while your eyes are concentrated on his face, he is watching you back. How your eyelashes flutter when you think, and how your brows draw together when you pinch one stray hair from his chin. It's sweet, unassuming intimacy that becomes almost unbearable. He looks around. Jimin always fucks with his make up artist Hana, turning his head, puffing cheeks, bobbing, laughing and making her laugh - because he is almost always bored. Namjoon tells his designated carer about everything he heard or read in the last 24 hours. Jungkook keeps flirting with them so they rotate all the time. At some point Yoongi can't even play around or feel completely relaxed anymore because he becomes hyper aware of your soft, warm, flower-scented hands. He catches himself once, leaning into your palm, when you put it on the side of his face to brush his hair. And he is thankful to no end when you take it as sleepiness.

Yoongi is a problem solver. He is a grabber. When he was little, every time he won a toy in the claw machine, he would grab it and press it to his chest and not let go for hours in the fear of someone taking it away. This attitude stayed with him. He likes to hold on to things, to people. He likes hugs and pressing something - someone - to himself to make sure it's not going away.

But before he can do that with you, completely sure he doesn't want to let go of you in the nearest future, he needs to solve this.

His shoulders slouch slightly when you whisper,

"Have you heard Hana got this hu-uge flower arrangement from Joon? So painfully cringe".

Your face is so close that now he can feel your fresh, warm breath on his cheek. Had it been anybody else, he'd be fine with it, maybe even look away.

"Joon? Namjoon?" he hoots, surprised. You shake your head,

"No, Joon the cameraman. He asked her out. Right at the office. With flowers", your mouth curls into an interesting shape, upper lip going up, "ugh".

Yoongi can't hold back a chuckle.

"Why do you hate love?"

"I don't hate love", you soften up a bit, then your hand tilts his head back slightly, gently, like it always does. He loves being handled by you; fingers attentive, never in a rush, always remembering he is a human first. Sometimes you even give him a tickle to raise his mood, and now, to his very vivid devastation, he starts taking it as signals.

"I just think it's kinda..."

"Cringe?"

"The cringe that makes me go uu-u-ghhh-ghhhaa", you explain. Yoongi bites his lip to stop his head from shaking with laughter. Your finger gets to it immediately and releases his lip from his teeth: tint already applied.

"How is it supposed to happen then, you think?" he is trying to sound ironic, maybe even a little challenging.

"I think..." you pause. For a second, you two look each other in the eye like partners in crime.

"I don't really know. But not that".

He nods. Sniffs. Takes a mental note. Not that. He picks up the flowers from the delivery guy that had been called up earlier, and passes them on to an assistant whose birthday was a week ago. She gives him a stink eye.

Yoongi can't escape the scrutiny because when he is preoccupied, his shoulders do the thing: they go forward, protecting the ribcage where the weakest part of him resides. He blinks several times at the computer, seeing lines, numbers, codes, but nothing of essence.

Hoseok raises his eyebrow, catching up on the silence that's just a different flavour of the usual one.

"Hyung, isn't it working out?"

Yoongi's fist is supporting his cheek and now he raises his head, looking around. The room is full of his boys, watching him like they are the expecting birdlings, mouths open, waiting for worms. He weighs everything. All the pros and cons. Hoba, Namjoon and Jin are the pros. Maknaes are the cons. It's unsolvable, because in situations where a final vote should decide the fate of the future, Yoongi is the one who chimes in and tips the balance. Now there's three for three, and he is paralyzed a little, wallowing just for a second in the weakness of undecidedness.

"I need to come clean", he says finally, before he can shut his mouth. What's done is done. He wouldn't be able to hide it for much longer anyway; with the boys, he is pretty open, not seeing any reason to clutter the mind with unnecessary secrets.

"About?" Jimin asks.

"Did you delete the cloud again?!" Namjoon heaves himself off the sofa with his strong arms, panicking.

"What? No", Yoongi grumbles, then scratches his head, "I'm not talking about the work".

"Ohh", Jungkook hums, "he is talking about Y/N".

"You're still hung up on her?" Seokjin wonders, changing his feet, crossing legs like he is about to give the best damn advice Yoongi's heard in his life.

"What do you mean still? It only happened recently", it's been three seconds, and he already hates talking about it. Should've kept everything to himself.

"Pretty sure it's been forever", Jin hammers, and there's an undertone to his voice, "why now?"

Yoongi groans. His hands cover his face instinctively, the fingers slide up and grab the hem of the hat to pull it down. Hoba's hands land on his shoulders from behind and give him a supportive squeeze.

"Any time is great. Love is beautiful. You deserve it".

Seokjin doesn't let go; grabbed into it like a shark. He continues:

"You've been flirting for a great while, and still nothing. You sure she feels the same?"

"Wehaventbeenflirting", Yoongi muffles from behind his hands, still refusing to peek out.

"Just say it", Namjoon helps. He sits back down on the sofa taking a half of it at once. The other half is occupied by Jungkook, and them two look at each other contemplatingly.

"There's nothing better than flowers and a date. Easy, classy, traditional-"

"What Joon did with Hana", Yoongi replies, finally looking up. He takes off his hat and crumples it in his hands, and Hoseok's flexible palm gets into his hair immediately to ruffle it. Even a simple touch like this reminds of you.

"See? All Joons think alike", the leader agrees with a satisfied dimple smile.

"Y/N told me it was the worst thing in the world", Yoongi retorts, "that it's cringe, and outdated, and lame, and awful, and he should go to jail".

Namjoon's face takes a pained expression and freezes. Jungkook chuckles.

"Y'all fools if you think you can lure her with your lame flowers".

"The best way is to let it happen naturally", Seokjin returns reinforced with pessimism, lecturing and fatalistic resolve. His hand slaps Taehyung's palm who is poking at something in his own pants. Keeps an eye on everybody's ticks. Severs everybody's dreams.

"If a girl doesn't react to you staring into her eyes every day, then you should think about it before embarrassing yourself. I advise you: do not chase the woman, make the woman chase you. Make sure your heart is safe".

Yoongi frowns at this.

"And how do you picture that? Run away when she wants to put foundation on me?"

Seokjin offers a charming grin.

"Sometimes I think you are slightly divergent".

There's a surprising round of approving hum going through the room.

"Don't take it so literally. Just... make her jealous. See where it takes you".

At first Yoongi thinks that he will never, ever engage in something as stupid as that. As he looks into his only hyung's face, illustrious as the moon, he thinks to himself, no. It's dumb. He's not a manipulator, he's a grabber.

But he can't just grab you out of nowhere.

Seokjin

Yoongi plops into the chair, tugging on the bottom of his wide shirt, and your hand immediately grabs his fingers.

"How are your thumbs?" you ask, a bit strict, observing. His mind is better nowadays. Your delicate fingers with glowing, neat nails wrap around his palm in the way that makes him think of hand holding. He jerks his hand away as per instruction. He is the chased, not the chaser.

"It's okay", he grumbles, crossing his arms on his chest. He sees your slightly surprised, a little amused expression in the mirror.

"Someone's in a bad mood?"

"No, just don't like it when you micromanage me".

He pouts unwillingly, drawing his eyebrows together. Watches you as you purse your lips to hide a smile. It's not working and it will not work, he can see it. But the phone screen already lights up with a call, and he has to pick up. As you turn him around in the chair and take the hairbrush, Yoongi answers the call.

"Oppa", Seokjin whines in a thin voice, "will you take me out for a coffee today?"

His teeth bite on the inside of his lip so hard that he almost hurts himself. The sensation of your light hand parting his hair is taking all the focus and he is torn between laughing and swearing.

"No, not..." what is he supposed to say? There's no script. It's just Jin. Pretending to be a girl.

He is twenty-six years old...

"Not today".

"Why oppa?" Seokjin stretches. It's clear he hates it as much as Yoongi does. But Jinnie always wanted to be an actor, like Tom Cruise. Let him act. This is his Swan Lake.

"I miss you. You promised to take me to the Namsan mountain and kiss me in the dusk under a wisteria tree!"

Yoongi puts his elbow on the armrest of the chair and covers his mouth. He has to employ the concert trick of squinting and hiding his face, pretending to cry, because he can't hold it in anymore. You are quiet, burshing his hair like he's in therapy. The first several minutes are always soft, relaxing, it's never a rush with you. He could've spent that time staring at you in the mirror, but instead he has to fight back the roar, sighing with his whole upper body.

"Can we talk about this when I'm not busy?" he chokes out. Suddenly, your hand taps on his shoulder. And he notices your eyes. Laughing. Attentive. Observing.

"You're not that busy".

"Who is there with you?" Seokjin shrieks. Has he forgotten he isn't the one who's supposed to be jealous?

"Oppa!"

"I am hanging up", Yoongi sighs, opening his mouth wider to let the air come in. Breathe, Min Yoongi. Just breathe.

"You can't just call me anytime you please", he continues, "we've broken up forever ago".

"Oppa, you will never get away from me!" Seokjin yells, "is she prettier than me? Tell me the truth!"

Yoongi puts the phone away from his ear carefully, like it's a rabid rat that's about to bite off his face, and finishes the call. Then places it back on the desk, his eyes dry like tree bark. He is afraid of looking in the mirror, where you slide the hair straightener in between his locks.

"God dammit. She is loud", you chuckle.

Yoongi gulps.

"Crazy ex".

"Can't blame her", your hand pats him on the cheek, almost like you own him, "you are so pretty. Dumped by Suga?" you suck the air through your teeth, "shit luck".

He can't believe it, searching for your eyes in the mirror.

"Do you want to keep the bangs curly, or straight?" you look at him with kindness. You always go with what he wants instead of what's in the stylist's lookbook.

Council

Yoongi is nibbling on his finger, staring into the computer like it can suck him inside and give him peace.

It was a tiny failure, really, but it feels like the abyss is opening up below him and taking him feet first. You are so nonchalant about it, so easy. Not a muscle twitching in the face.

You probably don't care about him. Maybe, after all these years of putting make up on him, covering his imperfections, correcting his features, you don't even see him as a man.

"What if we..." Seokjin is now shockingly invested. Went from fatalistic indifference to full plotting mode, but Jimin's hand stops him.

"No, you're out. Your plan didn't work, now it's my turn".

Yoongi raises his eyes at Jimin with horror.

"Is that how it's going to go?"

He nods.

"Show me how you flirt".

Yoongi blinks hard, as his hand lands on top of his head, and he feels the tip of his hat. He looks at himself in the mirror. Ears out, earrings dangling, he looks like a little gnome in sweatpants.

"Can I just die", he mutters. Jimin shakes it off.

"Come on. Let's see if what you've been doing even constitutes as flirting".

"No".

Jimin bulges his eyes.

"That's what you've been doing, right? Look at me. Like this?"

He stares at him, trying to do an impression.

"Simply ogling isn't flirting, hyung".

Jimin shakes his beautiful head full of cloud-white soft hair. A mane of pretty. His big eyes change with a pleasant shade of a hidden smirk, pupils concentrated. The air stops. Jimin lifts his chin, showing just a glimpse of shining, sharp teeth.

"That", he says, as his hand slides up, and the tip of the finger bothers the little silver hoop in Yoongi's ear, "is how you flirt".

Yoongi flinches, his lips baring his teeth. Just like you did, when talking about Joon and Hana. Jimin cocks his head, eyes grabbing at him; this gaze is choking, smothering. Jimin has a demonic skill of kissing from a distance.

"You seem a bit jumpy today", he utters, his voice like a sweet string, "anything happened? Yeppeuni?"

He does half a blink. I don't want to look away from you blink.

"I get it", Yoongi huffs, grouped like he is about to be ambushed. "I don't flirt like this".

"I'll teach you", Jimin snaps back to his normal self, and the painful, heavy mist of sensuality fades away from the room. Somewhere, Taehyung sighs with relief.

"No need. I think if I do it your way, she'll smack me on the nose".

Jimin nods.

"You have natural charm about you. Use it, hyung. Use your brain".

Jungkook hums like he doubts it.

2. Jimin

The wind keeps blowing the cut grass horizontally, the gusts so strong that all the hairdo comes undone in minutes. Other stylists panic. They run around, drop the products on the ground, chase the members. You. You are cool. You simply scoff at the wind and measure Yoongi with your eyes before leading him into the tent, away from the strom.

"I'll just fixate it up, what do you think?" you mutter, and he smiles.

"Ever gets tiring?" he muses.

"What?" you cover his face with your palm, ready to apply the spray, then start plucking the grass out of his hair.

"Being the best?"

"Dunno, you should answer that".

You fence off his jabs like a pro tennis player.

That's the problem.

Jimin thinks Yoongi is simply an idiot, but Jimin doesn't see how immune you are to flirting. Whatever Yoongi says, you always turn it around. You're like a vaccine against the toxicity. He tells you you look good, you turn it around, swinging him in his chair, and pointing to him in the mirror. Yoongi says you smell nice and you say it's the mist you apply on him. It's like you refuse to take it. Which is alarming.

You adjust his hair, not even a little nervous under his intense glance. He doesn't even blink. It's not I don't want to look away, it's the I want to look until by eyeballs dry out. You simply look back and smile, and he wobbles. Your finger rubs under his eyes to get the dust out.

"Tsk".

"All work in vain? We can do all over again".

"You in good mood now?"

You throw these little murmurs like a ball to each other, Yoongi clawing at the edge, but the edge refuses to come up sharp.

"I'm always in a good mood".

"Huh".

"When you're around".

"Aww".

Your hand tries to take the hoop out of his ear, and he bobs his head slightly.

"Sorry. Did it hurt?"

"No", he smirks. Then bobs again.

"Yoongi", his name comes out of your mouth with almost a moan, a bright shade of purple, a soft brush against his face. He grins. You have to grab and fixate his chin to take the earring off, and then you wrestle for the other one. Eventually, you push him into the chair and he crashes down but keeps messing around, so you are forced to hold his head with both your hands. Quite used to that: you must see the boys get bored all the time, and the only way to release it sometimes is to be unbearable.

You put in the other earrings and clasp them in his ears carefully, then he says,

"Scratch please".

Your fingers tickle behind his ear.

"Here?"

"Lower".

"The neck?"

"Yeah", he hums, deep, tilting his head forward. For a second, you oblige, then your fingers get stiff as you deliver a pinch on the back of his head.

"Don't get paid enough to be your masseuse as well".

"It could be a trade", he offers, face still down. He finds it easier like this, when nobody can see his expression. Why can't he take off his face completely and live unknown? It doesn't usually take so much stamina to simply flirt with someone - and yet, now, Yoongi is almost sweating.

You lift his head up and take the brush to fix the makeup. His curious eyes crawl up on you immediately.

"What do I get then?"

"...coffee".

All hope in the world in one little universal word.

It was you who told him once that "coffee" is the most consistent word across languages. It sounds the same in almost any country, any tongue. Wherever you are, if you ask for a coffee, you will most likely get it. He half-blinks, looking at you. And yet, you fence it again, like a sword master, grimacing.

"You bring me coffee all the time anyway. For free!"

He sighs.

"Thought you didn't notice".

"I appreciate it".

And just like that, it's over. You clean his face and release him back into the wild where the summer wind from the sea thrashes grass and sand around.

Council

He bangs his head against the wall, and Hobi, eyes full of concern, runs to him and puts his palm in between Yoongi and the hard wood.

"Maybe we should take a more classical approach", Namjoon tries again.

"There's no we in it", Yoongi mumbles.

"Oh, there is we alright", Hoseok protests, "we just aren't doing well enough".

Jungkook is chewing on his lip, his eyes huge like two plates. Every time Yoongi comes round to report, he gets more and more contemplative, and Yoongi isn't sure he likes that preoccupied expression on maknae's face. Jimin pouts; had offered to flirt with you instead of Yoongi, on his behalf, and almost got slapped.

"Yes", Taehyung erupts suddenly, "yes".

Sitting on the floor, he is staring at himself in the huge mirror, while stretching. Speaking to himself, too.

"Classic is good. To an extent. You know all that meet-cute? Put a twist on it".

Yoongi frowns. You've met years ago. Cute has always been there. So far, he isn't following. Taehyung lets his gaze travel throughout the room, loading the data, and for a second there Yoongi even thinks V might cook something. He is sophisticated. And he never got dumped in his life. At the very least, Taehyung is original.

"Extreme situations make people fall in love quicker", Taehyung says, "experiencing fear together bonds people", he looks at his hyung.

"You suggest we get mugged together?" he asks darkly.

Jungkook opens his mouth and gasps:

"That could work!"

Namjoon tries to cut it before Jungkook pulls his t-shirt onto his head with excitement. Of course he will volunteer to be the mugger.

"A bit too extreme? I meant like..."

Maknaes cut him off.

"Well, mugging might be a bit too basic. I meant something like... getting stuck somewhere together. Like during a storm... you know all doors are electronic", he motions towards the exit, "they did get jammed once, last year. And people got stuck together for hours".

He shrugs. Yoongi raises his eyes to the ceiling and looks at the lights to let them blind himself. Then, as the white burns his retina, he actually gets an idea. Dumb, infantile, but it's not dumber than Seokjin pretending to be an ex girlfriend.

"Okay".

The others are surprised. They turn heads to him, Taehyung's eyebrows and legs both up.

"Okay?"

"We'll be on Namsan on Friday, right?" he shrugs. Shrugs, trying to shake off this idea while he still can. But it doesn't come off.

"And you'll kiss Jin under the wisteria tree?" Jimin wonders. Seokjin snaps his head towards them.

"The cable road is old", Yoongi says. Taehyung's face is slowly lighting up in a smile. He looks at Jungkook who is getting the signal transmission straight into his brain, and also begins grinning.

"You got it".

He closes his eyes and pictures the slope of the hill where the cable cars start their ascent to the top. He prays his life won't be over on Friday, but if he ends up getting killed together with you, because Jungkook smashes the engine with a hammer, at least... at least... no, he got nothing.

3. Taehyung

The sky is cast, and he sees you are judging it silently. Your hands clutch the makeup kit, and Yoongi hooks the belt and tugs it away from you.

"Thanks".

He nods. Always the good boy. Jungkook got this habit from him: help out a little, to the people around. It won't hurt. Problem is, Yoongi is helping so much that it has become a norm, not a gesture.

"If it rains, we're screwed".

"We'll have to move very quickly", director says, heaving the huge camera into a car that's slowly crawling away, and jumping after it. You aren't convinced. There's an adorable wrinkle in between your brows.

"I'm not actually made of sugar, you know", he jokes, and you sniff half-heartedly. Yoongi looks above your shoulder where Jimin rolls his eyes as far as he can with disapproval.

Hana tugs you by the hand as the next car approaches, and you walk behind her to jump in. Jimin steps in front of you, unclasping your hands in one nonchalant motion.

"Sorry, Y/N, this is the star car. You're going in the next one", he smiles. You raise your eyebrows.

"Can't I ride with my stylist?" he whines. The car is coming. There's not much time to think. He pulls poor Hana after himself.

"I have ridden with you plenty!" Hana protests in shrill voice, and you chuckle. They get inside, and your friend shoots you a miserable glance. The flowers and asking out didn't work out after all. Joon should've known better.

Yoongi is at your shoulder, muttering,

"Is it 'ride with your make up artist' day?"

"Jimin's just feeling cunty again", you suppose. He catches the car with his strong hand and opens the door for you. You get inside and keep the door open, but, as Yoongi sits next to you, you are met with a bunch of blank faces, looking away. The door closes.

He looks outside. The sky is getting greyish. Maybe it will rain after all, and the whole shooting will have to be called off. Back an hour ago, when you all left the building, it was sunny.

"Are you cold?" he checks. You shake your head gently.

"Weather changed".

"Yeah".

If it goes on like that, Yoongi will simply jump out and crash on the ground. That surely will be better. Your knee brushes slightly against his as the car begins the painfully slow ascent, surrounded by the green of the hill and the grey of the world. Seoul is falling lower and lower, left behind. He is watching you: you look out every time, like you've never seen the view before. He thinks about what's going to happen if he just takes your hand. Just takes it, the pretty fingers, flowery wrist, carefully manicured nails, - and doesn't let go. Yoongi doesn't want it to turn sore. Feeling in love is amazing and inspiring, but he knows there will be a point in the future when it starts bringing him pain. You turn to him like there has been a conversation going, easy, ignoring the awkward pause.

"So, what's up?"

He hums instead of response. Pushes a gulp down his throat, then steadies himself. The car swings very slightly as the iron thread crawls above the roof, pulling you both up the mountain.

"Your lips are all eaten off".

Yoongi's teeth catch the lower one like it was a command. He is horrified. He should have known: you read him like a newspaper, off his face. You know his allergies because they come through on his skin. His bad habits. How he chews food. How he sleeps. Because his face is your job. He wonders then if he comes across as lovable at all - does he withstand such close observation?

"Album", he says.

"Album?"

"Yeah".

"You're doing all the mastering on your own again?"

"I'd rather not let anybody else do it".

You smirk and reach for him, and for a second Yoongi thinks a hug is coming. But your hand unzips the make up kit and plunges inside, shuffling through products. You pull out a small bottle.

"Take it home and do the eyes, you start looking tired again".

"Okay".

He takes it, fingers clashing. Then it comes: somewhere at the base, Jungkook 'accidentally sits his ass down on the lever', and the whole cable abruptly stops, sendind a shock wave through the array of cars.

As it happens, the kit slides off Yoongi's knees, open, and everything that was inside - is now outside. The serum is yanked from in between your hands, too, by acceleration still going in the air, and the noise of the clatter fills the car. You gasp, yelp, while Yoongi instinctively puts his arm across your chest to keep you in place. Well, almost instinctively: it's not like he hadn't calculated this moment. The swing is so powerful that the car jerks to and fro like a little bell on a thread. Someone shrieks in the next one.

"Shit- fuck! God dammit!" you yell once you gain your orientation back. There are slits below, under the doors, and the small things like eyebrow brushes roll over and fall down. You get to your knees and start gathering the products. Yoongi takes a second to squeeze his eyes shut and take a breath. Meet-cute in the most perverse form imaginable.

"Oh, I am getting nauseous", you grumble from the floor, and he slides after you, taking you by the shoulder.

"Then sit, I'll get it".

You tilt your head back and look out.

"What happened? Oh my god, are we going to die?"

He sniffs.

"Don't think so. It must have jammed".

It's still swinging, and he has to employ his cat balance skills to stay up while he is gathering every little thing scattered from the kit.

"I've seen a movie about it. I know if we jump, we will break our legs", you continue. Yoongi looks up at you.

"We won't have to jump. They will fix it in no time".

He even grins a little, thinking you're overreacting. That is good. He can just scoot over and comfort you a little.

Which he is trying. Putting the 90% complete kit on the seat across from himself, he sits back and rests his hand in between you.

Realizes he's never done this. Directly. He has never been in a situation where he had to chat someone up lowkey. All his life, Yoongi has been the chased. Even before he became Suga. Girls at school sent him notes. The invitations were sent through the whispers. Phone numbers written on a heart-shaped piece of paper were delivered to his desk. He has been spoiled by life, spared of the need to act on it. And now his hand rests on the faded blue plastic seat in between you, and he can picture your quick foot kicking him out of the car if he dares to touch you.

You finally snort with irritation. He understands why immediately. The first plop-plop of the rain rattles on the roof, and he looks up through the window.

"Wow".

"All coming together", you jeer, ironic-cheerful. He grins at that. You cross your arms on your chest. The moment drags.

Say it.

Just say it.

I like you. I like you a lot. I like you enough that it will get you kicked out of the company, probably. I like you so much I can't write songs that aren't about you anymore.

A song was his own plan number one. You listened to it. It flew right over your head. You barely heard into it, he bets. He is completely off your radar.

"You feeling okay?" he asks, recalling what you said a minute ago. You nod.

"Yeah, the swinging was a little too sudden at first, but I'm fine".

"If you need to throw up, we gotta lose all the makeup".

You laugh, wince, chuckle, all at the same time. Your hand taps his palm lying on the seat, and Yoongi seizes this moment to grab it. He is a grabber. Fingers catch yours and you give him a comforting look.

"Oh. You're afraid of heights, aren't you?"

It's like every time he makes a step closer to you, your brain finds a way to justify it.

Yoongi lies,

"Terrified".

Your thumb strokes the back of his hand. Now he has a reason not to look out the window and instead stare at you. The rain starts banging louder, and you frown. The sound is quite pleasing; hissing grows, summery whisper, and the car is getting filled with refreshing chill. You say the words he has been craving to hear.

"It is getting colder".

He nods, pulling you closer, and you let his arm wrap around your shoulder. Instead of giving him a look, or questioning it, you just press your shoulder into him, and settle down.

What if you are already dating, and somehow he isn't aware of it, Yoongi thinks, suddenly scared. Maybe he is so dumb that it somehow fell through the cracks. He doesn't know how to explain this otherwise. Your eyes are on the window, lashes moving slightly as you blink. His phone rings just when Yoongi is about to open his mouth, and you flinch, startled. His fingers squeeze your shoulder.

He sees it's the same number Jin called from, when acting out his prima moment.

"What?"

"This is Jenny, your ex-girlfriend", he says in his normal voice. Yoongi's knuckles go white around the phone.

"What?" he repeats, like a robot.

"How's it going? Do you need more time?"

"You're still down there?"

"Yes. We don't know how else to stall. Jungkook has been reprimanded twice. Get to kissing".

Seokjin finishes the call before Yoongi can say anything, and he loses all energy. This is utterly dumb. He isn't willing to move, mainly because this, here, is already good.

"Why are they still on the ground?" you ask.

"No idea. Something about Jungkook being afraid to go... or like..."

Visceral metal noise cuts him off as the car swings again. The cable begins turning again with a moan, and you sigh, almost with regret? Yoongi drinks the sound slowly.

"There we go", you murmur, your face at his shoulder. "No brushes, the rain, I guess we will just ride back down at once".

It makes him snort with laughter.

Council

"Taehyung is out".

"You didn't do it right", Taehyung hisses through his teeth.

"Taehyung is out", Namjoon presses. Agitated, enthusiastic to prove his classics might still work. Ever since the first shock of immediate rejection of flowers, he's been sore about it.

Now they have occupied a whole ass conference room. Hana is there, as well. Jimin's flirting worked on her from the first try, just like that. Heads clashed together, IQ loading. One more failure, and they will have to start an excel document.

It's becoming sport at this point. Hoseok's hands are on his shoulders again, massaging, like Yoongi is about to kick in someone's face. He is willing to quit the shenanigans at this point. No matter if you think it cringe, or stupid: maybe he should just come up and say it. Say it while your hand hovers above his nose. Or while it is in his hair. He closes his eyes painfully and rubs one with his fingers.

"Listen to me. It's the small things", Namjoon lectures, "they make someone fall in love with you. You are, in fact, very good at it. That's why we are all in love with you".

Jimin nods enthusiastically. Seokjin frowns but doesn't say anything.

"Problem with small things, they have become something regular", Yoongi weighs in. "I always bring her coffee. I carry her bag. I adjust her chair".

Hana produces a sound that resembles an "oh".

"What about The Book?" Namjoon asks, almost ignoring Yoongi completely. He stops in his tracks.

"The Book?"

"The Book?" Hoseok echoes.

Namjoon takes a moment to appreciate everyone's attention. He puts his elbows on the desk like a professor.

"You bring her a book you've been oiling her up about. You gotta gush over it first. Really sell it to her. Then you buy it for her and", he pretends to throw an invisible book on the desk in front of Taehyung, "just casually. But!" he raises one finger. Jungkook isn't even breathing. "You have written something in the middle. Just in between seventh and eighth chapter".

"What did I write?" Yoongi asks, breathlessly.

"I am in love with you". Namjoon utters, looking Taehyung deep in the eye. Taehyung tries to lean away.

"Would be great if the book isn't a postapocalyptic dystopia", the leader adds. Then rests his case.

"This is so lame!" Hoseok yells, "You think the girl who vomited at the flowers, will be ecstatic about this?"

"Yeah, it's pretty lame", Taehyung murmurs. Even Jin, unfortunately, nods.

"Hana?"

All heads turn to your friend. Hana is sore about something. Jimin tilts his head to catch her eye.

"Hana?"

"You never adjust my chair, Jimin oppa".

Yoongi feels a painful pang inside the vein in his right temple. Yes, it is pretty lame. Namjoon does have a point though. The little things are something he is an absolute champion in. Little things are Yoongi's profession. He remembers every movie you ever spoke about; he knows the food you are always ready to eat, and the food you will never try again. He remembers things you tell him, even when you say it just to fill the silence; he is attuned to you.

He will simply have to maximize it to make it stand out.

4. Namjoon

He does maximize it. Now Hana is a witness: she starts noticing things, and it only makes her more upset with Jimin who is an unwilling actor in this stupid play. He simply wanted a distraction, a light, non-invasive summer romance, so to say, and now he is berated every day by his make up artist, because he "doesn't adjust the seat; doesn't remember the kind of coffee she likes; doesn't comment on her new nails, doesn't send her monkey memes". Hana makes it sound loud and clear, implicated in their covert op; so that you hear it when she makes the comparison.

You tug on the hem of his shirt, big, plump brush tickling his collarbone and the base of the neck; you hum with approval.

Yoongi asks you only with his eyes, through the mirror.

"It's my favourite shirt!" you nod. He beams quietly. Jimin, on your left, throws his head back with a groan.

Yoongi replaces the lost brushes that fell through the slit in the cable car, before you manage to buy them yourself. He races against the time and wins.

He peels off all the stupid labels and barcodes you hate on your products, as well.

After the opening night of a movie you'd been waiting for, he brings you merch and you walk around in the hoodie, showing it off to everybody who has eyes.

Yoongi knows you always cut your finger in the same spot when working with scissors, and produces a bandaid quicker than you even let out a yelp of pain.

Yoongi brings you a keychain that's customized to look like your pet - and tells you he just so happened to see it accidentally somewhere in the, uh, in the city (cranks his brain to recall where normal people go to buy souvenirs, and the only word that comes up in there is Hongdae).

Yoongi brings up the relatives and friends you'd mentioned weeks ago, checking on them skilfully, letting the information steep before delivering the soft blow of love bombing that is supposed to shatter you and give you a glimpse into what his mind looks like. Full of you. Instead of getting nervous, suspicious, flustered, you sigh, kind of with sadness? And just reply to him. And he wonders how deep this friendship, this forced mental intimacy goes exactly, if you do not even react to the profound proof of his focus. Hana's jaw is unhinged; ever since she was pulled into it and gotten on the know, she has been noticing your nonchalance like it's a mountain of doom.

Yoongi becomes so proficient in this friendzone-stuck protoboyfriend shit, that even the other crew members, who know better than to hit on an idol, become his school time sighing suitors again. Phone numbers on the folded napkins. Anonymous messages from unknow numbers. Sweet drinks in the dressing room, brought especially for him.

You smirk with the weird dreamy look in your eyes. The thing Yoongi wants to hold on to is the way your hands tug on his hair today. Slightly more dramatic? A little rushed? Which is almost never the case with you. In between the hug in the cable car and now, it almost feels like a microscopic progress. You sniff through your nose when you place a note in front of him on the desk.

"Someone asked me to pass it to you".

It's another phone number. The way your voice sounds is one degree off the usual course, and he wants to think it's jealousy. Yoongi folds the note carefully and unhurriedly puts it into the garbage bin without making a big deal out of it. He thinks it's a great moment to sneak in a slow explosive. You even give him the opportunity. The way your hand lies on his forehead, almost like you're taking his temperature, feels like home.

"Not even a chance?" you chuckle. Softer than a second ago.

"I sort of... am unavailable".

You turn him with the chair and crank the pedal to lift him up a little. Put the pins in his hair to get the bangs away.

"Oh my god", your voice drops to a comfortable murmur. Finally, his favourite part of the day. Half an arm's length between your faces. You take the pad and start dabbing his face, cool, smelly toner enveloping his head. It mixes with the perfume on your wrist, and he wants to simply lean forward, fall off the chair and crash into you.

"I knew there was something up with you".

"Really?"

"You've been overly zealous the last weeks. The whole box of strawberries? You remember the last time you did it?"

Yoongi blinks. Instead of the fluffy pink of love, his chest gets infused with the black of horror. Oh. Oh no. Oh hell no.

"Three years ago, you also brought me a shit ton of strawberries, that was when", you continue, relentlessly, your smile like a sunspot on his face, cutting him, down to the throat, disfiguring, "when you had a crush on that script writer girl".

He wants to protest.

He wants to say that ridiculous box of strawberries that he paid for with three nights of eviscerating pain in his shoulder (it weighed a LOT), was for you, exclusively for you, because he is in love with you, and you should take it at a face value. He is this fucking close to snapping. Before kissing you, perhaps he wants to headbutt you.

"Yoongi, are you in love again?"

You brush away a stray hair from his forehead and throw the pad into the bin.

"Uh-huh", his heart stomps on his lungs. He senses failure like an animal. You tilt your head.

"Well, I won't push, but you gotta give me the tea sooner or later", you whisper.

Hana and Jimin aside are frozen like two statues, pretending to work, where in reality they are vibrating like ringing phones.

"It's you".

You bite on your lip.

"Tsk".

A gentle slap on his ear. Yoongi's breathing is stuck somewhere at the base of his throat. He shoots a glance at Jimin.

Do you see the shit I am working with?

Jimin's face is horrified in the funniest grimace Yoongi has seen in years. He would even laugh, had the circumstances been different.

"Chin up, funny guy", you order, and Yoongi obeys. Maybe he can even have babies with you, without you noticing.

Council

"The situation seems to be drastic", Jimin is marching in front of the wall full of Namjoon's relatives' pictures like they are assets, and he is a mission facilitator. Mission: impossible.

"Can I ask a question?" Taehyung raises his hand, his voice very soft. Yoongi hides his face behind his five left fingers.

"You don't have to raise your hand".

"Is she like... dumb or something?"

He is trying to soften it by speaking extra gently though. Seokjin chokes and coughs shortly.

"I think she just doesn't like him".

Hoseok brushes it off.

"That's not possible".

Yoongi is properly depressed. Jungkook pushes a cup of tea towards him across the coffee table and spills half of it on the go. Namjoon jumps up, grunting, and starts wiping.

"Maybe I am cursed because of you guys", Yoongi mumbles, "how are you that dysfunctional?"

"Why are you so afraid of talking to her directly?" Namjoon presses, his words, and the cloth onto the coffee table. Jimin hugs himself, lonely, against the wall.

"Because he knows what she'll say", Seokjin keeps poking the wound.

"Listen, Jenny", Jimin jumps in, "just cause you don't believe in love..."

"It's still cruel, she should just say it".

"You know she'll lose her job if anything like that comes up?" the eldest sharpens the knife before plunging it into Yoongi's ear canal, "You realize that? Many people already got kicked out that way. I mean, Joon the cameraman? Didn't he "resign" after the Hana incident? And she isn't one of us".

Yoongi blinks at his palm as if trying to read the truth off of it. You're good at that buffoonery. Read his palm a couple of times, after seeing the instruction on the internet. Told him he's going to have seventy-five kids and die at the age of fifteen.

"I just", he moans, again, mouth working before the brain. Was meaning to say it internally, not out loud. But everybody shuts up - now they do. Now they shut up, but not when he really needs them to. All eyes on him.

"What, hyung?" Jungkook urges.

"It just pisses me off every little fucking thing reminds me of her, that's all", he mutters, sore, chin down.

"He is in the twilight zone", Taehyung notes.

"He's in friendzone".

"Will you shut up?"

"He needs to move on and leave the poor dumb girl alone".

"What-do-girls-like!" Hobi yells suddenly, sensing the typhoon of nonsense coming again. Diffuses the chatter with his trademark funny, pointy voice. Cocks his head to the side, then walks over, pushing Jimin in the ribs.

"Please".

"This isn't really..."

He shushes Namjoon half-heartedly.

"What do girls like I ask you!"

"Bodily autonomy", Taehyung responds, swinging his fist in the air.

"Ghibli-style nature locations", Namjoon gives up. Hobi winces.

"Prada?" Jimin asks.

"Closer".

"Uh, when the... you know, steel-grey sky and rainbow against it, right after the storm? And you take their picture with it" Jungkook points his finger at Hobi. If Yoongi takes a very good swing, he could break the table with his head. He is starting to assume the position.

"Girls like bad boys", Seokjin says, "and Yoongi isn't bad, not even close".

"Wrong, wrong, wrong", Hoseok slaps away their words like they are butterflies - and butterflies are still insects.

"Girls like big, obvious, direct, lush gestures", he concludes, looking directly at Yoongi. "Her birthday is coming up. Buy her a fucking boat and take her to Jeju. You can confess half-way there, and push her out if she says no".

"Maybe not a boat, but..." Yoongi shifts on the couch, tucking his feet under. Jungkook is listening to him with his mouth open.

"Uh huh?"

"She always wears those", Yoongi gestures to his neck, "bead necklaces".

"Oh, I like them", Hobi responds.

"But I saw a version of that made by Bvlgari", Yoongi continues. There's energy in his voice although his brain is almost shut off. "I could, like, customize it or some shit. Put my damn initial on the underside".

Taehyung's face becomes long with an 'oooh'.

"Hyung, you are professionally romantic".

He falls back on the couch. It just fell out of his head; he has a million better ideas, but feels too tired to spell them out.

5. Hoseok

He wants to be angry with you. Can't help being angry with himself, instead. Skinny love. He is so scared of rejection it makes his butt numb. And at this point he is 79% sure rejection will be issued if he tries anything.

So instead he tilts his head back, as usual, taking what he can. The stroke of your hand. He holds up his phone as you both watch a Japanese baseball player explaining the beneficial power of bananas.

"Does it still hurt?" your finger brushes over his crooked scar on the ear, and he shakes his head.

"No. It wasn't a big cut to begin with".

"Your hair is growing out. I think it's time for Gang Signs Throwing Yoongi again", and you smile. Yoongi's eyes slide onto the clock on the wall. He prays you won't have scissors in your hands in the next four minutes, because the lights will go out.

You have a pencil instead, but do not poke him in the eye.

When the lamps die, you still have it on your tongue, licking the tip, giving away your old school roots. The last thing he sees is the line of your jaw.

You sigh in the darkness.

"Where are you?"

"Wow, it's pitch black", Yoongi hoots quietly. His hand searches for yours, and you clutch his palm.

"Where's the phone?" you chuckle.

"There will be light in a minute, don't worry about it".

You tug on his fingers.

"What... ah".

"You forgot it's your own birthday?"

Seven minutes in heaven. Yoongi stands up slowly from the chair, trying not to bump into you. It's a windowless room, full of mirrors that are useless now. He fantasizes about staying in this dark for longer, his hands feel around for your shoulders and find your waist instead.

"Turn around slowl... slowly... that's my foot".

You laugh, very close. He guides you further. You don't shiver. The universe isn't merciful to him, it doesn't like him. The door isn't locked, just like it is not supposed to be. And so it opens, too soon, before Yoongi grounds the feeling of your body under his palms, and the light returns in jumping orange splashes.

The makeup crew, together with Jimin and curious Hoseok, enter the dressing room, chanting. Yoongi manages a smile and takes a step back. He would like to :) take the cake out of Hana's hands :) and smash it into someone's face :) to be honest :) he is horny as hell :)

The cake drifts through the darkness, and Yoongi is ready to pay a lot of money to know what you wish for before blowing it out. You take things like these seriously, one of the reasons he loves you. The little silly things about life. Looking out the window while you are riding a cable car. Putting effort into the mock reading of his palm. Believing in wishes. Yoongi can't do that anymore, and he wants to know the secret. How to stay dreaming. His smile is growing more and more sincere as he watches, and finally, he is almost at peace by the time the big lights come back up again.

He still tries to move away his hips when you hug him after he gives you the present box.

Your eyes grow huge when you take off the wrapping paper, and Yoongi suddenly gets very curious about the cake, putting all his attention onto it. People say, it's nice seeing the expression of their face when someone opens up a gift. It isn't. It's awkward. He bites his lower lip. Hobi's breathing into his ear like a maniac behind his shoulder. His finger pokes into the cake and steals some icing, and Yoongi slaps him lightly.

"Oh shii-i-it", you say. Is it too much? It should be. The gem stones are heart-shaped for god's sake. The middle one, a pink sapphire, has a tiny Y engraved on the back of it, where the letter will kiss your skin once you put it on. Girls gasp. Jimin will get a beating, but at least he had been informed beforehand. You look a little alarmed, finally. Yoongi nods almost business-like as you hug him again, longer this time, and allows himself to wrap his hands around you properly.

"Yoongi... thank you?" you say.

"Happy birthday?"

"Yeah?"

Jimin and Hoseok exchange glances.

"Um..." you whisper into his neck, "isn't it a little expensive?"

People around disperse gradually, drawn by the cake that becomes smaller and smaller, fractured.

"I am rich", he whispers back, and you shake with a chuckle.

"Okay, I will switch to the good foundation..."

"And stop licking applicators?"

"No".

He laughs. He is still torn apart like his body is munched by a plane engine, but he is laughing.

Council

Jungkook is the dark horse. Always been, always will be. Yoongi feels his eyes go black as he watches maknae with silent expectation. The studio is almost empty, save for them three: the most hardworking one, the least hardworking one, and the one who likes seeing himself dance too much. Even Hobi is out for the weekend.

"You've been keeping it in for a long time", Yoongi says. Jungkook flashes him a white-toothed grin. He switches from an innocent bambi to a mafia boss au in a second.

"Dropped something at the very beginning and shut up".

Taehyung unscrews a bottle of water and pours it into his mouth.

"I was expecting you, hyung", Kookie utters, clasping his hands together.

Yoongi smirks darkly. He has no hope and no anger in him. He is dangerously close to serenity, in fact. If Jungkook's idea is to kidnap you and cuff you to a pipe in a basement, he will consider it.

"Do you want to hear it though?"

"Sure", Yoongi shrugs and wraps the towel around his neck, rubbing the sweat off. Then throws it on the floor and sits on top.

"What the hell. Go on".

"I shall demonstrate on Taehyung".

"Why me again?" Taehyung shrills. Maknae pulls his bestie closer, assuming a weirdly sexual position, popping his hip.

"You know, I drown in pussy", he begins. Yoongi closes his eyes solemnly.

"Strong lead-in".

"Ask me how".

Aftertrain Jungkook, with his bangs up, breathing through his mouth, young, blushing, is the sexiest thing one can see in the wild. Taehyung next to him, blonde, twitching, scared for his life, beating in his hands, unsure what's going to happen to him - the most poetic. Yoongi puts the hair behind his ears obediently.

"How?"

"The power", Jungkook puffs, "of proper - physical - touch".

The second time this assault happening among them, this time Taehyung being the victim. Jungkook takes his hand, fingers squeezing the palm not too tightly, gently enough. Like his thumb is sending the signals of pleasure straight into Jungkook's brain.

"Wow, your fingers... kinda tasty", he mutters, looking Taehyung in the eye. V clenches his jaws together.

"That's it?" Yoongi asks. "Your fingers tasty?"

"Wait, no-" maknae panics, "you can also go for the ear".

"Jimin did the ear already".

"And the inside of the kneecap. You're seated, right? It's easy to reach there when you sit. She walks around you, and you pretend to have forgotten something. Hey, Y/N, whoosh".

Jungkook bows and aims for Taehyung's knee, only to get pushed away by the face.

"Well, you get the idea, right? Arm, from elbow to her wrist. Also, you know what", Jungkook is working his brains real time, "she applies tint with her fingers? Kiss them?"

"You got a thing for fingers?" Taehyung looks at him from under the brow.

"Why don't I just-" Yoongi is having fun in the most morbid way, "say something like, sit on my face. Sit on my face? It's relevant enough, right? Cause it's my face she's working with".

Jungkook stoops a little.

"I tried it once, it didn't work".

"You didn't try it with a make up artist though", Taehyung helps, "it was a coffeeshop barista. It just didn't make any sense".

They start bickering. Two children, consumed by each other, the two attached at the hip, so attuned that they don't really need anybody else in the room to be entertained. After a little banter, Jungkook turns back to Yoongi:

"Feels like it's your last chance".

"I am also friends with a little band called Seventeen", he croaks, lifting himself off the floor. Taehyung snickers. Jungkook gives him two thumbs up as if he's done something here:

"Best of luck".

"Fighting!" Taehyung is happy again.

6. Jungkook

It comes up unexpectedly. You come up unexpectedly. The whole second floor of the rental is empty, hence Yoongi is there. While the others are releasing the pent up energy from the day outside, dragging staff into a game of football, he is having his quiet moment. Old man pains. Whatever they call it.

You're caught up in his glance like a mouse-thief, holding something to your chest, your mouth agape.

"I thought there was no one here".

Yoongi shakes his head. He can see the necklace. The 100 000$ necklace with heart-shaped gem stones hanging on your neck, contrasting with a 15$ grey Uniqlo shirt. You look atrociously stunning in it. Yoongi squints his eyes and sees six bottles of red bull in your hands.

"You..."

"I am making red bull ice".

He ponders for a second.

"Why?"

"Because I love red bull", you nod like it explains the ice part and march past him to the kitchen where a small freezer guards ice cream.

"You shouldn't..." he reaches out through the air, "put them in there in cans. They might explode. Better pour them in ice trays".

He has to get up and waddle after you because you don't seem to hear. He toddles into the smaller kitchen to help and opens all the cupboards as the search for ice trays begins.

Physical touch.

There's plenty of physical touch between you, so it's the same fucking issue as usual. How does one make it obvious. Yoongi is far from an unhinged fratboy, but what he wants to do now is exactly something like that. Every time they give him a strategy, he warps it to his own vision until it's unrecognizable. After all, he is a grabber, and it's his territory. Instead of taking your hand and admiring the edibility of the fingers, he pokes you in the rib.

"Ouch", you take it way calmer than he expects, and it tells him everything he needs to know.

"Your pancreas won't like this amount of red bull. Ice", he says.

"Says the functioning alcoholic?"

He sucks the air through his teeth, disarmed disgracefully. Since he has nothing to say, and his hands are itchy, he stares into your back and how your shoulder blade flexes as you open up the cans, and pokes you again.

"Yoongi, quit it".

The others were right. He is in the twilight zone. This monstrous crush is borderlining obsession, and he doesn't recognize himself anymore. He pokes again just to hear your voice. You turn around, a lock of hair on your eyes, and you put it away quickly.

"What's gotten into you?"

Your eyes search up his face as he pulls his cheeks apart in a non-smile. For some reason his eyes follow your index finger scratching your nose.

"Bored".

"Don't be bored", you jerk the ice tray on the table, "in three to five hours we will have red bull ice".

He likes the way you include him into this heartburn-inducing adventure. He likes the way you say "we".

"What shall we do meanwhile?"

Here, on the second floor of the three-storey house, it's easier to pretend you two have this whole place to yourselves. It's times bigger than the amount of people: them seven and the staff. There's even a good chance no one will come up here when the football is over.

"A... movie?" for a girl hating on the traditional 'cringe' things you suggest a very traditional pastime, and he is down.

He plops himself on the couch looking at the gems reflecting the blinding light in flashes. Yoongi even moves his shoulders trying to restrain himself from asking how you like it. If you found him in the necklace. He is trying to play it cool, encapsulating all the members' strategies in himself, all at once. Unreachable, nonchalant, spontaneous with exactly one tiny cube of Fruittella he shoots at you. You look up from your side of the couch.

"Strawberry".

When you are very happy about something, you say 'whoo' under your breath.

Your eyes slide onto his neck.

"You cut yourself again?"

Yoongi used to get irritated about how you treated everything above his shoulders as your own property. Now he simply loves it. As you launch across, your hands on his chin, tilting it to the side. The perfume from your wrist reaches his nostrils, and he loses his cool.

"Yoongi, you're not using moisturizer before shaving", it's a statement. His hand already snakes in between you, ready to attack. Tom Cruise appears on the screen and yanks your attention, just for a moment. You are like a squirrel, here and there, head snapping.

"I do use it", he lies.

"Don't lie to me".

"My hands shake because I am an alcoholic, and I cut myself".

You click your tongue and want to say something, but he pokes you again. Your pretty mouth catches air. Tom is battling with Min Yoongi for just a glimpse of you, and you are slowly pulled into the world of cinematography. You know he is bullshitting, but you are just too used to it.

"You're on your last warning", you mutter, sitting way closer to him than before. Yoongi realizes you put on... the Mummy? Out of all Tom Cruise movies you could have chosen, you put on the Mummy.

"And then what?" he pushes, his eyes on the TV as well.

"Then I kick you".

"You can't kick me, I'm an idol".

Your hand brushes him off. He has lost to the last great movie star, even if you're wearing his necklace.

"Who is more famous, me or Tom Cruise?"

"Tom Cruise", you say automatically, and Yoongi sinks deeper into the couch.

"He could be your father".

You gasp, dreamy.

"Imagine that. He'd be a lousy father, but still".

"I mean I'm..."

Your hand suddenly gets into his hair. And it's not the usual soft, professional touch that Yoongi is used to. It's a grab. You yank him like he's an insolent boy, and he tips over even before he realizes what you are doing. A second; and his head is on your lap, Yoongi himself still producing a moan of pain. He has to readjust, swinging his hips, bending legs to fit, as he lies down. Your hand presses on the side of his head and Yoongi has no idea what the fuck is going on.

"Shh".

Yoongi is turning, trying to fit his elbow under himself and not move his head lest you remove your hand.

"When Tom Cruise is on screen, we are what?" the fingers drum on the side of his skull.

"Uh..."

"Silent as a grave".

"It's not even a good one, can we watch T-"

You cover his mouth with your little palm, and he shuts up. If it weren't for Tom Cruise, sorry, 🌸🌷🌺Tom Cruise🌼🌻💐, now would be a great time to ask,

what are we??

Council

Namjoon is under the desk. His hand feeling around on the linoleum, his own body covering the light. He is in the shade of his own clumsiness, scrambling for pieces of his own life: all his credit and name cards are on the floor.

The door sounds like someone is trying to take it off hinges. Jammed last month again, so now the handle is half-broken. Namjoon twists his body to see, and recognizes your feet.

"Butt of Namjoon?"

"Hey".

Even though there's a joke in between your teeth, as always, you don't sound joyful.

Also it's weird that you came to speak to him at all. Your tone shows intention. Namjoon crawls backwards and sits himself on the floor comfortably, looking up.

You are sad. The necklace Yoongi gave you, a small, intricate and stylish piece of quiet luxury on your neck, almost completely hidden by the collar of your hoodie.

"I need to speak to you first".

He doesn't have any idea what it is, but his mind starts going places.

"Why?"

"Because you're the leader".

Namjoon grinds his jaws against each other, one hand covering his ear. You are a remarkable girl. You never shiver or anything like that, and never did. Guess this job makes you tough very quickly. Even now, displaying classical signs of distress - lowered head, inexpressive eyes - you do not fidget. It indicates deeper sadness, he thinks.

"I am going to quit", you say, simply. It doesn't have any intonation, any colour. Namjoon supports himself against the desk.

"Why?"

You look at him.

"Personal reasons", you pause. Your finger tortures the lower lip, "personal feelings".

He is quiet, stranding you alone in this. Namjoon blinks. He was moderately invested and now he is dying to hear this shit.

"I kind of... caught a crush on Yoongi", you sigh heavily, like you've been unloading something.

"Y/N-"

"Like a year ago".

Namjoon shuts up.

"Or maybe earlier. I don't know", your hands drop on the desk. "I've been doing alright, but I guess it's piling up, you know? Lately it's been difficult, I am getting sad. And I need to get away before I screw things up".

Namjoon puts a double security on his mouth: bites his lip and covers it with his hand. He wants to say something very funny but knows this, this thing unravelling in front of him, is incredibly human. Yeah, funny as hell. But human.

"I'll stop you right there", Namjoon puts out his hand and, after careful consideration, it crawls across the desk and covers your palm.

"You're a great make up artist".

"That's not the point..."

"And I am not the one you should be talking about it".

You finally close up:

"No, no, I don't wanna tell Yoongi anything. It's going to be so humiliating".

"You've known each other for three years..."

"I couldn't bear looking at him if..."

"...even if feelings weren't involved, he must know..."

"...and he will say not to go..."

"...oh my god!" Namjoon snaps. The disciplined, civilized, mannered Namjoon shrieks at you. "They are heart shaped!"

Your mouth freezes open.

"What?"

"The gems!" he is pointing at your necklace, desperate, completely miserable, disbelieving. He can't control his voice anymore. "Each little fucking gem is heart shaped, Y/N! And there's a Y on the inside!"

Your bewilderment is adorable. Namjoon sincerely gets it. Your hand flies up to your neck. Your tormented expression slowly relaxes as your eyes run over his face. He feels bad about screaming but it's a matter for shouting. Namjoon raises his hand.

"Sorry. I might have overreacted".

Your mouth is agape, and he wants to reach out again and tap it shut with his finger.

"But you get the idea, yeah?"

You nod several times in small motions.

"Have I... convinced you to stay for now?"

You nod again.

"Mm, mm-hm".

You sit in silence for a while, turned away from each other, room suddenly smothering stuffy. Then you push your chin down.

"I didn't see any letters", you mutter.

"It's very small", Namjoon responds tiredly. Your fingers feel along the necklace, and he softens up again.

"It's pretty, isn't it?"

"I never take it off", you confirm, "I even sleep in it".

He kind of melts.

7. Yoongi

He bites on the chocolate bar from your hand and moves his jaws. Eyes concentrated in the mirror. You are efficient: the bar disappears and the brush appears immediately. It's like you have ten hands. Then one of them lies on the side of his head - you can see he is nervous - and he leans in out of habit. Fingers rub on his scalp shortly, then the bar hovers around his mouth again. Yoongi bites.

Something tickles his nostrils.

The scent of is peace in the ocean of chaos of the dressing room has changed. It's sweeter. Like honey and apples. He frowns slightly and catches your smile in the reflection. Hums with question. You nod.

"What's that?"

"New".

To his right, Taehyung quietly gasps with pain. The new girl burned him with the curler. She starts apologizing profusely and Taehyung shakes his head, although still wincing. Yoongi returns to his haven of calm.

"When you go with your grin", you say, "turn like this", your hand moves his chin a little so that he sees the sharp, pearly line of highlighter on the edge of his jaw.

"Okay", he grins, "uh, what shade is it? Jimin's hair would go well with it, too".

You lift the small bottle to his eyes, and he reads: '78 deeply loved'.

"Only for you".

You boop it on his nose, and he is dumbfounded, transcended, dead. He sees himself looking like a hopeful pup, staring into your eyes. You look shy as you lick eye pencil. You blush for the first time.

[cxyotl]

hey so yall know that “kieran doesnt die” au ive been writing. um. i drew him.

more notes about this design below the cut :3 tw for eye trauma n torture.

-first off branwens only there bc i was trying to figure out how to draw horses & fill up space… so say hi branwen. he is like. the reason why kieran doesnt end up dying in this au. so he deserves to be here.

-surviving that whole ordeal messed him up pretty bad, physically and mentally. however, being so defensive about his blind side and determined to prove himself caused him to be more active i think. hes still that nervous stableboy for the van der lindes, but he doesnt shy from volunteering to go fishing/hunting with someone or joining jobs. hates using his blindness to gather pity pennies but hey, nobody is gonna suspect the obviously blind dude is working with criminals like the notorious van der linde gang.

-he also gets a little healthier. the rest he got while healing did wonders for him, he hasnt had a days rest since. well before the o’driscolls picked him up, probably. now hes a little less skinny, a little less greasy, and a little more alive <3 the only non-healthy habit he picks up is he does smoke more often than he already did. his nerves are all over the place. Especially when he’s on the edge of camp or out on the trail with someone.

-kieran’s left eye is completely gone. his eyelids and corners on both eyes are scarred up as well, since the o’driscoll who took it gouged em with his thumb. he wasn’t able to get past heavily scarring the right eye, so kieran gets to keep that eye.

-although he keeps his right eye, that doesnt mean its any good. HEAVY corneal scarring and ocular trauma, paired neatly with a small infection, means he’s permanently partially blind in that eye. he can see figures (silhouettes against light) and its all very blurry, but he can Technically still see enough to do his job and a little more. hes extremely photosensitive and it cost him his color perception for the most part in his remaining eye.

-because he’s so photosensitive, the hat kinda needs to stay on anytime hes outdoors. trelawny and mary-beth steal him tinted glasses from saint denis but he doesnt like them very much. the feel of anything, including glasses, so close to his eyes freaks him out. especially bc the lens bridge sits on some scarring on the inner corner. the corneal scars sorta make it feel like hes got something in his eye like all the time. bro cant get a moments peace LMAO.

-the left eye is usually bandaged up. getting any foreign material in the socket is Bad and hes like working with animals. literally brushing fur into the air like nine hours a day. so most of the time hes got that covered and he doesnt like it but. its necessary.

-arthur brought him the cane after remembering seeing blind man cassidy with one. was up in cumberland forest exploring anyway, saw a person sized stick and was like “ok this might work.” left it with mary-beth because he didnt want it to become a Thing that hes gone soft or whatever if that makes sense. its a bit large, but kieran doesnt mind bc he can kinda lean on it if he needs to or get a good sense of how far an object is from him. depth perception was also a little skewed.

-speakin of mary-beth, the new necktie is a little gift from her :3 yall might recognize it from the cut outfit

-kieran wrapped the cane up because he was getting splinters from it which was Annoying. he takes his knife and sharpens it or smooths it out as needed sometimes. out of boredom or necessity (the soft ground in shady belle and lakay are. decidedly. not great if you already are tripping over everything)

-the little notch at the top is great for hangin up lanterns. which tends to hurt his eye and gives him migraines bc its so close to his face, but it can be useful for holding the light out and seeing figures in the dark that hes lookin out for. or showing others where he is in the dark.

-i just didnt wanna draw his holster, but he can still shoot and ride horses. branwens a good companion :3. as for shooting, he just kinda shoots at figures and uses audio clues for where to aim and fire. hes better with his revolver than anything else, but give him a low sniper position with a high accuracy firearm like the carcano and he could probably get some kills.

-as for riding horses, hes been doin that for years. he just gives branwen cues to stay with other horses or on certain trails, or he can tie the reins to someone elses saddle (but he doesnt like doing this)

i have more thoughts so PLEEEASSEEE ask about it if you have questions or thoughts but these r just like some of the big ones that have to do with his actual design ❤️

[lucajayms]

i sincerely apologize for the rant

pre bullets gerard plsplsplspls!!!! they have an office crush at cartoon network then she moves away without telling anyone and they replace her (CUBICLES BEST SONG EVER) so then he just keeps wondering what may have happened, until mcr are playing like in another city during revenge era then mikey sees her in the crowd before a show and he goes to gerard right before going onstage and its like hey gerard remember that girl you talked about 24/7 in 2001, shes here tonight. and gee just freaks out while trying to play down the whole performance becase hes scared she wont like the whole fake blood/gay/screaming thing. then they finish the performance and he goes to find her and shes like all happy bc she knew he was gonna do much better things than to work at a shitty office. and shes a big comic book artist and does really weid like blood and vampire stuff so shes so happy that gerard also does weird blood vampire stuff. and then theyre happy and then the umbrella academy happens and yea

yea youre free to ignore this, i just have too much free time to imagine shit like this 👍

HELP I LOVE THIS SO SO MUCH!

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CUBICLES

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gerard way x reader she/her used use of y/n

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masterlist

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warnings: swearing!

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"Maybe you could draw her more like this to bring out the background more so she's not just stiff," I instructed him. Gerard is a very talented artist, he just has a little bit of trouble deciding what to put where.

"But I feel like if she was a little different, due to her design, she'd go flat," Gerard argues, putting his pencil where he was describing.

I sigh as I place my hand delicately to my chin, trying to see what he's talking about. The deadline is soon and he's not done pitching these characters. "Honestly, Gerard? Whatever feels right. You'll get her."

"You sure?" He asks, seeking confirmation in my words.

I smile, nodding my head, "Yeah. Deadline is tomorrow, just do whatever feels right!" I say before I'm off to my cubicle to continue my project.

I knew he was looking at me. For weeks now, it had become a pattern—one I could almost draw if I could figure out how to capture that lingering gaze in ink. He thought he was subtle, keeping his distance and asking me barely relevant questions about some “project” or “character design” he’d been working on. Gerard was charming, though; there was no denying that. Quiet, a little too good at staring at his desk, and adorably oblivious to how easy it was to read him.

“Hey, uh, (Y/N)?” I looked up from my sketchbook, where I’d been mindlessly drawing a graveyard scene—something I had an odd fascination with lately. Gerard was standing there, hands stuffed in his pockets, wearing that awkward half-smile that looked better on him than it should.

“Gerard,” I said, glancing up with a smirk. “To what do I owe the honor?”

He chuckled, scratching the back of his neck. “I…uh…just wanted to see what you were working on.”

I flipped my sketchbook shut, even though I knew he was dying to see what I’d been drawing. “Just some stuff. You’d probably think it’s too creepy.”

“Try me.”

Maybe it was because I wanted to test him, see how he’d react to what was under the surface, but I opened the book back up and turned it to face him. His eyes widened as he took in the vampires, blood, and dark cemeteries I’d sprawled across the pages.

“You…actually drew all of this?”

I shrugged, trying to keep my cool. “It’s not much. Just whatever’s in my head.”

He laughed, this soft, surprised sound. “Whatever’s in your head is amazing.” He paused, his eyes lingering a second too long.

I grinned, leaning back in my chair. “Well maybe not everything, Way.” I tossed my pen onto my desk, feigning nonchalance. “Can’t have too many weirdos like me around. Bad for the office’s reputation.”

And that's why I left.

Maybe I should’ve told him I was leaving. I hated the idea of going without a goodbye, but part of me figured I’d see him again. He’d get over it. Life had a way of carrying people in different directions, and honestly? I couldn’t stand the thought of another month behind that desk. I needed to be somewhere I could let these ideas out, somewhere that didn’t expect me to keep my weirdness behind a closed sketchbook.

The day I left, I watched the office fade from my rearview mirror, fingers tapping the steering wheel as a familiar guilt crept in. I didn’t leave him my number or my address or even a hint of where I’d gone. Some part of me hoped he’d figure it out. But after that, there was just silence.

Gerard

She left without a word. Just…gone. I tried to keep going like I didn’t notice, told myself it wasn’t a big deal. But the absence gnawed at me, creeping into every sketch and unfinished character. (Y/N) was gone, and I had no clue where she’d gone or why. I stopped asking questions after a while, but I couldn’t stop thinking about her. The thought became like an echo in my mind, constant and inescapable, pushing me to drown it out with anything I could find.

And I did.

One show after another, one drink, one line, whatever I could find to keep the silence at bay. The stage helped a little—at least there, I had the lights in my eyes and the noise blocking out the mess in my head. I’d stand in front of the crowd, hands dripping with fake blood, trying to exorcise whatever pieces of myself felt missing. But then the high would fade, and I’d be left in a dark room, trying to ignore the question that refused to die.

Where did she go?

I kept the band going, kept pretending it didn’t matter, kept letting the weight build. It wasn’t like I had any choice. The shows were packed, and the screams of the crowd felt like both a relief and a punishment. They had no idea. No idea that some days, it felt like I’d never get off this damn ride, that maybe I’d crash and burn right here. But something shifted in 2004. I couldn’t explain it—maybe it was seeing my friends’ faces or feeling the burn of another empty night. But I knew that if I kept going like this, I’d lose everything. I’d lose myself.

I finally made the decision to clean up, and in August 2004, I was clean. Free. My body hated me for it, and my brain wasn’t much friendlier, but I had to get clean. I couldn’t keep living on the edge of destruction. Every day after that, it felt like I was shedding pieces of the person I’d become just to survive. By the time I left, I was…well, I was alive. And that had to be enough.

It had been nearly a year since I’d gotten clean, and for the first time, it felt like I could really breathe on stage again. I could look out at the faces in the crowd and see them. Really see them, not just the blur of movement and lights I’d been numbing myself to. This was what I’d always wanted. This was where I wanted to be.

"MANHATTAN!" I scream into the mic and the crowd before more goes wild. "We are going to FUCK SOME SHIT UP TONIGH!"

And as I say that, Mikey plays the beginning of Give Em' Hell Kid. The set goes without hiccups, the crowd is perfect, and the most I've seen in a few weeks. Right as we leave the stage before the encore, Frank grabs me by my collar.

"Holy shit, Gee," He starts, and concern bubbles in my stomach. Did I do something wrong?

"What? What is it?"

He shakes his head vigorously, "I don't know if I'm tripping, but I swear to God I saw the girl you keep drawing in the crowd."

Fuck.

"What?!" I exclaim.

"Thirty seconds to encore!" One of the stagehands yells.

"Frank, where did you see her?" I ask, frantic. There's no possible way she could be here tonight. Why would she be here tonight.

"Our left, by the barricade. I think?" He explains, looking up to recount exactly where he saw her. My heart thuds against my ribcage as Frank’s words sink in, and I feel my throat tighten. (Y/N)? Here? After all these years?

"Ten seconds!" the stagehand yells, clapping his hands. Mikey shoots me a quick look, and Frank gives me a small, reassuring nod. There’s no time to think or even process—I’m barely holding onto the last traces of composure as we rush back on stage. I grab the mic, trying to get my focus back on the crowd, but every nerve in me is lit up, wondering if (Y/N) is really here tonight.

“MANHATTAN!” I shout again, forcing energy into my voice, hoping it’s enough to cover the wild surge of emotions that’s slamming through me. “YOU READY FOR ONE LAST ROUND?”

The crowd screams, and the band jumps into Helena, the encore I should be ready to pour my soul into. But all I can think about is her—her face, the way she used to sketch, her laugh. The lights are blinding, and I try to keep my focus on the crowd, but my eyes keep searching, desperate to find a glimpse of her. I don’t know if I’m imagining it, but by the end of the song, I swear I see her—a flash of her hair, bright eyes, her face half-turned away in the crush of people, but unmistakably her.

The song ends, and we give a final shout before exiting the stage. As soon as we’re out of sight of the crowd, I turn to Frank, breathless.

“You’re absolutely sure it was her?” I ask, gripping his shoulder.

“Fuck, I don't know how accurate your drawings are,” he says, his voice serious. “Bit it was her, Gee. I’m sure of it.”

“Holy shit,” I breathe, running a hand through my hair as the adrenaline surges through me again. "Where do I even start looking?"

Frank raises an eyebrow. “I’d start by getting your ass back out there before she disappears again. You just finished the show. You’ve got maybe five minutes before the crowd starts spilling out.”

I don’t waste another second. I dart down the steps, half-running, half-pushing past crew members as I head toward the audience exit. It feels like the longest, most insane few minutes of my life, weaving through the backstage area until finally, I’m in the thick of the crowd, scanning every face I can. And then—I see her.

She’s lingering by the side of the barricade, glancing around, half-smiling to herself like she might leave at any moment. She’s a little older, a little different, but I’d know her anywhere. I take a deep breath, feeling my hands start to shake, and then I call out, loud enough to cut through the noise.

“(Y/N)!”

She turns, her eyes finding mine, and for a moment, it’s like everything around us goes still. Her face lights up, and I swear I feel that same electricity that ran between us in the office all those years ago.

"Oh my god, you guys did so good!" She laughed, too, shaking her head. “Gee, look at you! Rockstar Gerard. I always knew you’d end up doing something wild, but I never expected…” She gestured at my blood-stained shirt and smeared makeup. “This.”

I rubbed the back of my neck, heat creeping up my face. “Yeah, well, it’s, uh, a little different from Cartoon Network, that’s for sure. But I never thought I’d see you at a show.”

“Oh, please,” she grinned, giving me a playful nudge. “I knew you’d be doing something big. You were always too talented to be stuck behind a desk, remember?”

I laughed, surprised by the surge of relief that came with her words. “Guess it’s been a while since anyone told me that.”

She softened, and something flickered across her face. “I'm sorry I disappeared. I had to move, and things got in the way, and…” Her voice trailed off, and she shrugged, a little awkwardly. “I never thought we’d run into each other again.”

“Same here,” I admitted, looking down. “But I’m glad we did. Even if it’s, uh…” I glanced at my blood-streaked hands, shaking my head. “Like this.”

She laughed, a bright, genuine sound, and I felt my nerves ease a little. “Honestly, I kind of love it. I’m doing comics, Gee. Lots of, you know…gory, bloody, vampire stuff. Seems like we’re both into weird stuff now.”

“Every time I go into a comicbook store, I look for your name.” I say, feeling a familiar spark of admiration light up in my chest.

“Yeah, well,” she shrugged, but her smile told me she was proud. “I kept drawing, kept pushing for it, and here we are. I got some stuff out that's been somewhat successful, but you—you’re the one really living the dream.”

It felt surreal, standing there with her, years and miles from where we’d left off. She was still (Y/N)—the girl who got me, who somehow saw through everything. But she was different, too. Confident, sharp, like she’d grown in ways I never got to see. And she was right here.

We fell into silence, the crowd thinning around us. Finally, I took a deep breath. “You know, after you left…I wasn’t great, to be honest.”

Her brow furrowed, and she gave me a sympathetic look. “I figured,” she said quietly. “It was a pretty messed-up time for both of us.”

I nodded, knowing she got it. “Yeah, I got pretty lost for a while. It took me…a lot to get back on track, but I’m good now. Clean, you know? And I’m just trying to keep my head on straight, one show at a time.”

She smiled, reaching out to squeeze my shoulder. “Good,” she said, her voice full of warmth. “That’s what you deserve, Gerard. You don’t need anything dragging you down.”

I felt something click into place then—a kind of peace I hadn’t felt in years. “Thanks, (Y/N). Really.”

She grinned, glancing around like she was taking in the whole scene again. “Hey, I think we’re due for a major coffee catch-up. I want to hear everything.”

I chuckled, feeling that old sense of ease wash over me. “Deal,” I said, grinning back. “But only if you show me your sketchbooks. I wanna see all the vampire blood and gore.”

She laughed, rolling her eyes. “You got it. Only fair, since I’ve got a feeling you’ve been drawing me for years anyway.”

I couldn’t help but laugh, and together, we walked out into the night, talking like no time had passed at all. And this time, I knew she wasn’t going anywhere.

(Y/N)

What a fucking life. Leaving Gerard like that in 2001 did something to me, you know? Fucked me up. I felt really fucking bad.

But it's okay. We're good. And by good? I mean my boyfriend is the fucking lead singer of My Chemical Romance. Like, who gets to say that?!

After their final tour ended, Gerard was bugging me more and more about his comic that he was writing and that he desperately wanted me to illustrate for it. Apparently, he had been working on it for around three years, and he wasn't getting anywhere by himself.

"I don't know, baby. I got deadlines," I always say, but God, who could say know to that pretty face of his.

And so I finally agreed to illustrate The Umbrella Academy.

And boy, did that change my life.

[baudouinette]

Art log: old, unfinished projects… once again

Warning: long post, lots of yapping

another oldish project that I wanted to do in a KCD (Kingdom Come Deliverance) style. I have a very clear vision of the horse’s pose and his too, but… I can’t find a reference for it. (I might make it a palomino in this one btw!) Nowadays I’m leaving references behind for the most part, but for horses I’m not at that stage yet lol. // I also wanna draw him in joust in another art even if he can’t partake, just because I love the aesthetic of it 😅

The text is from the letter to Constance of France because I love that intro, but I’m still thinking of what to add next.

•The sword is the basic one I drafted over a year ago, looking at the one from the movie, looking at period-accurate references, then adding my favorite guard which is similar to the movie one but stylized to my imagination, and basing the grip on the movie too. There’s not really much to it, because there’s only so much you can do without straying from accuracy.*** But I always have to go back for measurements/dimensions for example, just to make sure (for example, i have to shorten the fuller a little). I still need to get used to drawing them effortlessly. I sometimes want to just change the guard a little (I like to make curved guards most of the time but I’m partial to straight ones too), or add stuff to it like little inscriptions or very few gems. Obv in the pommel I always add the cross, but on the other side I may add a fleur de Lis too sometimes. Especially with a ceremonial sword such as this one, he needs to be fully represented with his emblems.

***There are other “options” but they seem too simple for a king. But I do love them for knights. My OC Juliette/Julius will have a pretty plain sword for the most part, by the nature of the Order. Tho… she might acquire a bit of a nicer one along the way ;) (this is still super raw and quickly sketched so ignore the errors and goofiness. But I really like her and I think I hadn’t shared any concept or art of her yet)

I remember the first time I watched the movie and the swords were the first thing I (and I think everyone) noticed even tho I was a kid, and then talking about it in high school years w friends in a crusades groupchat like 🤓🤓😅😅😅 (some are actually ok? Funnily though, it’s some of the extra props. You’d think giving the King an accurate one would be priority)

•I have various versions for different stories (or not tied to stories at all) but in each I always give him two (“twins”): the battle-ready one and the ceremonial one. The ceremonial is technically battle ready too, but it’s got its own place and reserved for… you got it, ceremonies, and knighting, and imparting justice—hence why this particular one in the first image (name pending) has the inscription “Iudicium in Terra”, and why it’s so golden (more pure gold and expensive materials). Sometimes, I think of a heirloom sword for him too, that carries a lot of meaning. It was normal for royals to have more than one sword.

(art WIP) •The one from HCW says “Benedic et sanctifica hanc gladium cum tua serenissima pace et voluntate.” Baldwin calls this one Pais Sereine, and Sereine alone as a nickname for the battle-ready counterpart to set them apart. However, I'm not happy w the way it looks here, too similar to those exaggerated fake Templar swords that I hate. How did I draw something similar to something I hate? Makes no sense. I really should also design the Andalusi swords of the Al Jazirah family and guardsmen (bc Andalusi swords are so pretty and interesting!), as well as my concept for Saladin, etc etc.

I might buy Nomad Sculpt to sculpt all my “assets” for fun and for practice for my game dev journey. I’ve always had Blender but I need to work straight on a screen, so I’d rather work on iPad for sculpting, then for anything that needs rigging, hopping to Blender. I could make Baldwin’s “exact” sword from the movie but with accurate proportions and mod it into a game like Skyrim for funsies. I wanted to mod the mask into it too, and into Fallout for my ghoul-loving gang <3

And here’s another old concept:

JFK as King Arthur (in a non-fantasy way and w some accuracy lolol)

For Excalibur, this is just an interpretation with creative liberty in mind. The guard is supposed to have beast heads, like dragons or lions, so it’s fun to base it on Charlemagne’s for that. The pommel of Joyeuse (Charlemagne’s, although this sword is also legendary) is an Oakeshott type B or B1, supposedly the blade a slender Oakeshott type XII. Yes, this is more contemporary to his time, so I wouldn’t give him that blade, as I would for some of the crusaders n Baldwin. You can’t see the whole blade in the drawing so I’d leave it like that and not put much more thought into it. I could give him a late Roman-type spatha, but I’m also not sure, I can’t imagine Excalibur in that way for some reason, the blades are short and I imagine Excalibur a little more formidable (but I also don’t imagine that enormous, overcharged, super inscribed sword they always give him that makes no sense 💀). Although I did shorten the guard just a little to make it a bit more “accurate” and I should shorten the grip too. I might still change it into a spatha after all, if I continue it 😂😂

•I chose Romano-brit scale armor. I still had to add the pteruges (sturdy strips in the armor, typical of Greek and Roman). His shield would have a small religious icon. I in part use JFOliveras’ (who does give him a spatha) work as reference for many of my general historical works. Because he uses his references from real art from the eras, as do I. But he can sometimes help interpret many of the specific, hard to understand parts.

•I just… abandoned this because I didn’t like it, it wasn’t the vision I had, and now my skills are better over a year later. I thought of adapting it to a similar composition as the one above.

•For those not into JFK, the Camelot musical was his and Jackie’s favorite, and they played the record basically each night “before they drifted to sleep upon their cot”. And it’s also the name of their administration. Since it was more like a royal one than a presidential one. I always wanted to draw him as Arthur (and not Lancelot. Even tho his code name was Lancer.)

Speaking of sword names, I think El Cid’s la Tizona/tizón is pretty cool.

In the series Isabel they show the inscription to be “Ave Maria gratia plena Dominus tecum”. He had another one called Colada, for “cast steel”, but colada also means laundry in Spanish so I can’t shake that off 😂 Titionem would be cool as a sword name, buuuut I refuse any word that starts with “tit” LMAO or anything that can be joked about (“Taeda” could serve as a substitute tho). I thought of a Greek word too, then decided against it because it started with “dik”. A sword name that sounds like d1ck… yeah, no. 💀

⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️

////I had this post in my drafts (just added the newer art from HCW and of Juliette from Vide Cor Meum, and have other posts like this but they always remain there because I assume people don’t wanna read so much text (yapping, basically). A lot of times I cut out text from my posts and explanations because I’d rather people read a resumed version even if it doesn’t contain all info, specific terminology, or my full lore, than ppl seeing so much text and just not reading any of it, not even the beginning. ☝🏼🤓 but I know there are others who would. Would anyone also like to hear about other medieval weapons, siege weapons, languages, garments and armor, specifically chain mail (a hyperfixaton ⛓️), strategies, formations, diplomacy, instruments, music and dances, horses and horse riding and riding with ur legs and…? 🤓🤓🤓🤓 I will go bonkers even about super specific stuff like girdles/belts (I have a hyperfixation w them too 😂👉🏼👈🏼)

My brother is also a nerd (about everything) but since he’s done sword fighting for filmed media, I always make a point to ask his opinion about my swords and he’s like 🙂‍↕️👍🏼 , so we ballin’

Can’t wait to afford a real sword and duel him. Although he might lend me his Amazigh sword if he buys another one of those, he’s not happy with the current one, and we could try with that. Tho obviously I want to use western swords with western martial arts.⚔️⚔️⚔️

EDIT: oh!!! And I have this three way mirror that I was gonna use to paint a Christian triptych. But i may make one dedicated to phases of Baldwin’s life in medieval art style. I would include religious imagery too, but yeah more focused on him.

[wpmz]

a lil concept/design sheet of the gangs' costumes for my deltarune halloween comic! :]

multiple paragraphs of yapping about it under the cut bc i actually put way too much thought into who got which costume lol

i kept a few things in mind while trying to decide each character's costume, the biggest of which were probably A) it should still look good when combined with their dark world outfit B) i wanted them all to be classic halloween monsters (so no other characters like mario or minecraft steve or w/e) C) none of them could dress as a monster who is another major character in ut/dr just cuz i thought it'd be a little weird lol (so no skeletons or ghosts for example) and D) i tried to keep in mind each character's family life/accessibility to a costume in the first place (so kris + noelle have the more elaborate costumes vs berdly and susie having theirs be more low effort/over their normal clothes)

originally i had sketched susie as a zombie/frankenstein sorta creature, but then i remembered susie calling kris the 'school zombie' (plus kris's general zombie-like neutrality) so i ofc switched that over to kris. had the idea that the dark world would make their halloween costumes more 'real' so thats why their brain is out in that one lol

didn't have too many other ideas for susie, as a lot of the ones i was having broke some of the rules i listed above. at first i was thinking maybe werewolf but i felt that the ears/tail might lean a little too cutesy for her, and then i was thinking maybe like godzilla-esque but didn't know how to do that when susie is already vaguley godzilla-esque by herself. i also wanted to keep her costume looking more low-effort due to her parents (if they even exist) probably not caring enough to get a nice costume. which is how we ended up at toilet paper mummy susie

noelle is a witch because i thought it'd be cute + i wanted her to be matching with catti (who i think would also obviously be a witch for halloween). her costume is the most elaborate (complete with matching candy pail), both because i think she'd like dressing up for halloween and well. the mayor's daughter certainly has appearances to keep up doesnt she? (also quite proud of her little shawl changing to look sort of like angel wings in the dark world :] )

berdly i also struggled with. my first impulse was to make him some kinda video game character, but like i said i kind of wanted them all to be more classic halloween monsters, plus i didn't really think any of those ideas would mesh well with his dark world outfit. ended up going with vampire bc i feel like its one of the more nerd-coded halloween monsters out there. i liked drawing his little fake fangs it makes him look silly

[horizon-verizon]

Is it just me or does TG's argument that Criston Cole is a victim of Rhaenyra seem like really demeaning? Like the fact that their argument hinges on the fact that Cole is played by a poc/is Dornish. Pretty much everything I've seen from them about that scene is how Rhaenyra, who is white, took advantage of a defenseless poc. It's just infantilizing him purely due to his race. I might be reading too much into it, after all every TG argument is them grasping at straws, but this one just really rubs me the wrong way.

@pessimisticpigeonsworld

"Infantilization":

over-simplifying explanations, using demeaning nicknames (e.g., "sweetheart" or "honey"), or suggesting that the infantilized person would not understand a topic without reason to treat a person as if they were a prepubescent child with no experience whatsoever in worldly matters treat (someone) as a child or in a way which denies their maturity in age or experience

Yes, it should be demeaning, but it is a way of them applying victimhood where there was none in either show or book. Its more uwuing him bec he's a man than PoC, as he's not PoC (the Dornish are "spicy" "whites" in-universe, "olive" skin is a trait many Mediterranean Europeans have). Even if he was, it'd still be more bc he's a man than bc he's PoC. to them.

They make as if Criston was totally helpless when he is both Kingsguard and a man where the girl approaching him is a girl in a court that some think she should never be heir on account of her gender, and women/girls both already have to fear their entire reputation being ruined by mere well placed rumors (and have less chance of marriage, bc marriage was the way they most likely could stay economically secure for their futures). Criston could threaten Rhaenyra quite easily to make some gains on her. Or get into an affair with her, sleep with her while she's inebriated, and threaten her and she'd be the one blamed by both her father ad larger society!

She'd be labeled the seductress largely, and Viserys would, like he did abt Daemon, that Rhaenyra's "desires" or "allowing" to have her virtue ruined even just by name and repute hurts herself & the monarchy. Viserys explicitly tells her the truth doesn't matter, only the image in epi 4. Really, the only good thing that we can draw from his image-loving self is how he decides to protect her and her kids…but even then a lot of it is also so he retains his chosen heir…and yet it's is true that he genuinely loves her and his grandkids [bk and show]. (What a mess)

So it's not really the same sort of infantilization people commit against grown women to make them seem weak and thus "need" a man to "guide" them, but closer to the sort of "infantilization" that is designed to give white women the "privilege" of being seen as the eternal victims who can do no wrong as well as masters of others' bodies (Cole can demand Rhaenyra to run off with him & abandon eveything bc she "owes" him; she can't request him to sleep with her when she teased him). And I mean that it mirrors this by the green stans' intent, not necessarily the nature of the infantilization that is not infantilization--green stans intend to make Cole seem helpless and cutely dumb in order to make Rhaenyra seem a predator and that become the lynchpin of her being bad for rulership. Bec she somehow reinforces all that classism, instead of Alicent/the greens reinforcing all that classist-sexism for personal, baselsss "revenge" and order-keeping.

It's the green stans doing something that I learned concerning peoples switching between ideas or phrases in bad faith to support another contradictory thing--something integral to bigoted talking points.

[alfredojesta]

Hiiiiiii👋👋

Sorry for the strange ask, but......ipotetically.....how was the scene when Candy and Jason have created Corpse?....😅

HELLOOO NOT A STRANGE QUESTION AT ALL I'D LOVE TO ANSWER STUFF ABOUT THE FANKID AU

the simple answer is: it was like an art project!!!

it started with them drawing up designs and concepts (like they were collaborating on an oc). then, once they had something to work with, it was over to the workshop to actually create her! Candy Pop provided the soul; Jason built the doll itself!

Candy Pop kept chiming in while Jason was in the process of building her. he would try and help, but mess up in the process. for example: Corpse has one eye that's blue with red swirls; the other is red with blue swirls.

He was trusted with the left eye while Jason did the right... but he mixed up the colours... Jason didn't let him help again. Candy Pop told him the heterochromia added a charm to her design. Jason just sighed and said sure.

basically: Jason was meticulous about it while Candy Pop kept him company! but yeah that's the tldr!!! here's my more detailed answer:

i have to say this au takes place like. 10~ years after Candy Pop and Jason become a couple. they move out Jason's flat and into a house!!! which insinuates they're becoming permanent hehe ^_^

so! the creation of Corpse is both a fun project and a transition into parenting.

Candy Pop never got to see his kids—more like Night Terrors' kids—grow up. so on the surface level, he suggested making Corpse for fun—to take a step in their relationship by doing smth together! AND WHILE THAT IS A REASON, the deeper meaning is Candy Pop's want to raise a child from the beginning :) because he's always either lost all his children or never got to see them at all.

he tells Jason all about how they could use one of Candy Pop's souls (he never consumes child souls, but consequently has some) for a doll that would resemble their daughter.

Jason is initially put off by the idea of having a daughter because he isn't sure how well THEY could handle her. firstly, neither of them have any experience raising a child from beginning to end. secondly, Candy Pop's extreme mood swings can be a hazard. thirdly!!! it just seems a little silly!!! really? a doll daughter? well... it's not like they could have a child another way. it takes some convincing from Candy Pop before Jason finally agrees. it's not just Candy Pop though. a small part of Jason did always want to be a father—only to show up his own—but he never thought he could do it.

Candy Pop's sketches up some designs; Jason gives his feedback. it's Jason who decides corpse should begin at age six—because he doesn't trust their ability to raise infants/toddlers.

the early stages of Corpse's development was fun and laidback with both them joking around about how they can't give her five arms or wtv. very lighthearted. occasionally Candy Pop gets emotional, crying uncontrollably bc Jason and him are about to start a family. Jason is just happy that Candy Pop is happy. he does get emotional himself... but he doesn't sob like Candy Pop does.

Candy Pop is more focused on that transition into parent-hood, while Jason treats it like an art project—because that's what he's so used to. the creation of a living doll takes time, and Jason takes his craft seriously.

Jason makes Corpse as authentic as possible. which is a bit ironic given her name is Corpse. but anyway. Corpse has the ability to feel pain (which she grows to HAAATE, then learns to accept), empathy, self-awareness, nostalgia, compassion, etc. she's given a standard set of traits to begin with, but she develops overtime. Jason is very proud of himself, as he always is.

when they finally put the soul into the vessel, it takes some time for the soul to get used to its body. soul magic isn't immediate—souls don't always connect. sometimes it rejects the body, so rlly it's a process of trial and error. but, that didn't happen with Corpse thankfully!!! :)

Candy Pop is so fucking excited he's basically running around their house jumping up and down and bouncing off furniture. he pulls Jason along and now they're both running through the house. HOWEVER. they quickly realise that they focused way too hard on creating the doll and didn't focus at all on preparing the house for a child.

they do a lot of shopping for a kids' bedroom. by that i mean they buy materials to make furniture because Jason is annoying as fuck and refuses to use low quality furniture. anyway. Candy Pop does get some silly decor to put in Corpse's room. he paints her walls purple, hangs up cute lights, child-proofs the house, and makes sure Jason doesn't fucking die sawing wood on 0 hours of sleep. when it's all done, they step back and look at Corpse's room. and Jason's like huh. we're really having a child. and then they make out or something idk

after a week or so the soul linked with her doll body!!!

CORPSE IS OBVIOUSLY CONFUSED... she has to adapt to her surroundings first of all. Candy Pop runs and hugs her. Jason almost tells him to be careful, but he stops himself. Instead, he watches his partner hug their daughter, and he feels. Different. it's a good kind of different he just can't pin-point right then. Jason joins the hug!!! and then they get to familiarising Corpse with her surroundings.

THAT SUMS UP HER CREATION!!! here's some little bits:

jason designed the clothes. they went for a circus theme because both of them have a fondness for circuses (jason's comes from him always wanting to visit one in london but never having the chance to)

candy pop gave her the genyr ears and purple skin. they WOULD have kept her a little more human-looking, but candy pop was adamant that this was the better choice. and honestly... yeah it was.

don't worry she doesn't entirely look like a candy pop daughter, because her facial features are a bit closer to jason's (straight nose, narrow eyes, thin eyebrows).

they debated giving her red or blue hair for a long time before candy pop went "WAIT. you have red hair. i have blue hair. she can be PURPLE." jason was like "purple AGAIN ARE YOU INSANE SHE'S GOING TO LOOK LIKE A PLUM CANDY POP" "IT CAN BE A MAGENTA"

corpse offers to help build her future models (again, she ages through models), but jason doesn't allow her to. HOWEVER jason DOES teach her the art of toymaking so that one day she CAN help.

[wolfertinger]

its painfully clear that salems representation of fat characters isnt coming from a place of genuine appreciation and understanding. its purely fetishistic. theres a difference between depicting diverse body types with care and just slapping exaggerated features onto a character for personal gratification. and he does the latter every single time.

its even more obvious when you compare how he treats different body types in his art. theres no depth, no personality, no nuance. just the same over-the-top, hypersexualized aesthetic copy-pasted over and over. its not representation. its objectification. the fact that he doesnt seem to realize (or care) how dehumanizing that is just makes it worse.

this, is what gets me. his double speak. he on one side of his mouth, claims to be only drawing, for representation. and claims, if you see his art as fetishistic in nature, that is a you problem, for daring to possibly see fat people, in a sexual light. but then, on the other side of his mouth. he admits, to drawing his sonas with larger body types, than his own. he admits, to finding fat/fat people hot, even if if is at the detriment, of that fat persons humanity.

for example. him having enough understanding, to make a post where he acknowledges the extreme distastefulness, of making the one fat character, not only not even fat, but making her A LITERAL COW, whose main feature is that she loves to eat, (literally eating a whole sandwich in one bite, as well, as her default art being released, with her with food always in her hands/crumbs around her mouth.) that she is a physically imposing wrestler bc of her weight, literally SLAMMING HER BODY WEIGHT DOWN on enemies. this objectively, is a fatphobic design. at best, it is ignorant. and salem willfully looks past this, only focalizing on, "hnngg fat cow girl" .

you can tell, he does not actually suffer from or face, fatphobia. because he does not go, outside. he has never, been bullied for his weight. he has never, been called a fat cow. he has never had food taken off his plate, with the excuse, "youve already eaten enough". he has never not been able to find clothes, in public. he has never had people in the street gawk or laugh at him. beacuse if he did. maybe, he would understand, why other fat people are upset, rather than falling back on his usual defense, of "im ___ so i can make this joke, and if you are also this and disagree with me, youre wrong and a fascist nazi kiwifarmer truscum!"

he doesnt even try to hide it. just the difference alone, in how he refers to a joke post, claiming "using ftm" makes you transphobic. despite the og poster, being a transgender man. whats wrong, salem. can your identity, suddenly not be used as a shield, against criticism? ironic. considering that, is all you ever do.

his "jokes", should always be taken in good faith, and if questioned, its just a joke, and you are taking him, too seriously, and you need to step back. if YOU joke about HIM. he gets to post, a bible length post, about how you are actually crusty hitler incarnate, and you will die, miserable and alone. what the fuck?

[genericpuff]

would the style change actually help the non existent TV show, though? the biggest draw to LO was the once unique art, trying to make it fit a sterile look would have the opposite effect imo, esp if it wants to appeal to a ya/adult audience. if that's rachel's logic, she shouldn't be shocked tv studios that are already hesitant to invest in animation aren't investing in her, bc people aren't putting up with cheap looking animation and ugly designs anymore

I mean, I don't even think it's a choice that can be put squarely on Rachel, it could have very well been WT's doing. There's something to be said about the editor change and the choice of assistants too, Bre Boswell (the editor who took over around the Ep 100 mark, which was, btw, around the same time the show got its TV show deal) has a background in television and a lot of her assistants nowadays are also people with diplomas in animation and concept design. So... take that with what you will.

I do think there's also something to be said about corporate companies trying to appeal to an audience that doesn't exist yet vs. the audience they already have. Look no further than Tumblr, they changed their entire site layout just because "well what about the people moving over here from Twitter???" when those people likely weren't going to stick around on Tumblr anyways and they aren't the ones who are loyal to the site. Obviously that's a big example but it's the first one that came to mind, companies pull this shit all the time in an attempt to "win big" with audiences outside of the one that got them to fame in the first place. LO's current art style definitely screams "corporate scrubbed" IMO.

[the-sun-princess]

Emi Plays Revue Starlight: El Dorado Part 1

yeah sure why not i'll reblog my thoughts. we'll see how it goes lol. i havent done a live reaction On Tumblr in Years. block #emi plays el dorado if u dont wanna see it

so their last summer....and ofc hikari has already disappeared. tsk

ah class B....are we just gon be a rando class B member that's fine. amemiya backstory! she kinda reminds me of mashiro and tomori lmao just kinda....sorta wrote stories/lyrics n then got urged to make them a real thing. not nearly as shy as them tho

....amemiya and masai and the teacher seem to be narrating from a first year standpoint despite us being shown the 3rd year classroom? lmao masai was a lil fangirl of amemiya's script. cute

huh masai says she wants to be a director but her og interest seems to be set design. which obv they go hand in hand but still

awwwww they fans of each otherrrrr cuuute. they both go 'partner pls? partner?' AND THEY WERE ROOMMATES. I never did think about class B's dorm situation lol.

ok yeh it is 1st year baby B's

i mean it wouldnt be starlight if it wasnt gay immediately. shion and kiriko like i Technically knew that but also i tend to mess up who is who. snort

amemiya just goin to 'masai' with 0 honorifics and when masai is taken aback she's like 'AM I MOVING TOO FAST?'

then masai just immediately goes with shion-chan lol

girls girls i already ship u ur killin me

tbf me shipping them has nothing to do with the VN lol. tho i might end up having to actually draw them for once

stop acting like summer is 'right before' the seisho festival its not i Know the stupid festival takes place late feb/early march

THEY HAVE A PET AXOLOTL?? gimme its name. now

masai is not a morning person. tho at least she slept ksjhksjdhf

el dorado is the new national troupe specialty huh....no wonder mahiru/maya/futaba prob wanted to do it

oo i wonder if sakura or her friends will be in this. or at least mentioned

opening time doo doo

YAY WE START WITH MAHIRU she wants salvatore it's her dream role. well. if im in charge mahiru. i agree. u can have it

maya wants alejandro

futaba salvatore. sorry futaba but since u three are the ones goin to the new national troupe whoever is the 3rd most important i'll give to you. or maya.

salvatore: mahiru, futaba, claudine, kaoruko, junna

alejandro: maya, nana, karen

so many people are going to go for claudine salvatore and maya alejandro first huh

kjhsf kaoruko wants salvatore bc as a kid futaba always gushed about the role. wants futaba to praise HER salvatore

damn nana are u that bitter about junna crushing u in your revue skjdhf i THINK this happens after the movie revues.

yeah this def happens after the movie revues since junna's actin diff than her lil showcase for the newbies. so is karen

sjkhf kaoruko wanted judy's role zulfikar. she does like bein the villain

mm so hikari Did go back to the royal academy. i mean i knew she went back to london but that doesnt mean she went back to the school. diff terms after all

i assume we're technically masai + amemiya in this so i am kinda interested in who the other chiefs are gon pick

alejandro salvatore

karen (didnt care til mahiru oops) futaba | (i THINK art?) nana | (lighting) mahiru (music) maya | (props) kaoruko (stage setting) claudine (production) junna (costume)

kjkjxh props chief maya didnt even AUDITION for salvatore but ok yeah wants her as alejandro now

music chief gushing over mahiru :)

truly mahiru has the best appeal

u cannot follow up a vote for mahiru with a vote for KAORUKO kjhjhdf

kaoruko's niceness doesnt often feel Genuine lmao

alrighty now I get to choose

WHY IS MAHIRU V NANA CROSSED OUT. EXCUSE ME. THIS IS WHAT I ORIGINALLY WANTED TO DO FIRST. E X C U S E M E

starlight sure knows how to be homophobic to Me Specifically

well now i dont even care so whatever i guess i'll just go down the list.

i am upsetti spaghetti

mahiru angy. same

poor futaba gets the shortest stick tho even when she's a lead role she's not the one she auditioned for.

snort nana sounds in awe that junna's salvatore. maya meanwhile is like 'aijo-san if u dont give it ur all i will kill you'

so kaoruko is lord cavallero. papa. futaba is carmencita-

....how tho. nana's miguel. snort. futaba shoots back with a 'it seems fitting youre an assassin' which is hilarious

claudine is columbus, maya is luigi

that does leave mahiru as isobel but no ones metioned it and now im even grumpier. how dare. evil.

:( no its not that jun jun-

kjhkjfhsf junnna

'stop with the gay drama already i s2g'

YEA CALL HER OUT JUNJUN

skjfhsf gon get revenge for karen beating her TWICE at the auditions. valid. i support u junna

junna: i'm vindictive and stubborn like that karen: aha you really are junna: >:O

well that's enough for now

part 2>>

[k1ngsnak3]

Close ups of the crowns bc I'm so proud of them!

Design thoughts beneath cut (prepare for yap)

Grian - I had a very clear idea of what I wanted going into this one - Sun. So we got big spikes like Sun rays and brilliant gold. We got the tricolor heart gems ofc bc 3rd Life is the og and Grian is the creator. Its also fucking massive bc its meant to be heavy as hell. It weighs down him like the guilt/grief he feels for killing Scar! :3

Scott - The image is fudgy bc of layering issues but the rods like those blaze rods that float around his head (I don't draw those words his design normally). I couldn't not include them, they're too iconic. Silver instead of gold bc it just goes better w his palette, and the crown is meant to vaguely resemble a many pointed star.

Pearl - I LOVE this one. When I started I actually had no idea wtf I was gonna do but halfway through I had the idea of placing a mourning veil of sorts over it, bc Pearl's rage was born out her grief over Tilly's death. It also works like a 'blinded by rage' sort of situation, cause it would cover her eyes if she was wearing it. The uneven edges of the veil are meant to sort of look like blood dripping but it's not realllyyy showing.

The gems are meant to be shaped like phases of moon. The big ruby represents 5am Pearl, and it looks like a full, blood moon. The two adjacent crescent gems are more blue tinted bc they're meant to represent Scott. The two gems are the sides are both semi-circle even though you can't really see it at this angle. They're supposed to be opposite half-moon, and they're red and blue respectively to represent Pearl and Scott, two sides of the same coin, two halves of the same whole.

Martyn - I don't like this one as much..but it turned out visually cool so. The bottom part is meant to be a reference to how a lot of people draw the LimLife players w bomb collars and such for timers (its a bomb headband not a collar tho sshhh). The timer display is gold for fanciness and obviously its on 0:00. The coral is, well, for Mean Gills. But also the two biggest front stalks are meant to look like swords crossing, and one of them is supposed to look broken at the top.

Scar - I went for a very retro Disney villain, Maleficent typa vibe w the base crown (its obsidian btw) bc that is what Scar would want. Also I think it plays very well into his whole loneliness thing. The flowers are partly there bc I needed smth to add interest and partly there bc...actually no that's all really 😅

Cleo - The most visually boring one imo but also the concept for this one got me so excited I actually though of this concept before even starting sketches for the others...Its supposed to look like one of those shitty plastic princess crowns both as a reference to the real world and as a reference to how Cleo is the only non-canon 'fake' winner. Also bonus the gem looks like a Watcher eye bc I think Real Life is the most connected to the Watchers.

The Hall of Victors is soon to welcome a new display.

Close ups under the cut

[yuuwen]

some muse designs i'm kinda pleased with but can only imagine bc i can't find faceclaims and cannot draw (´ . .̫ . `) :

MEI . ㅤ deer demon ( eastern lore ) . the sad eyes of an innocent , lost fawn , with wobbly , furry hooves for legs . a tearful , soft , tender voice . he won't can't run , or hide , come closer , do what you wish with him . without a contract , the only way he can stay corporeal in the mortal realm is by consuming humans , especially the heart -- but a preference , just for its fresh taste .

VENIA . ㅤ angel . navigates the human realm in the form of a young lady with her eyes closed . seldom opens her eyes -- all of them , all over her body , moving in synchrony . ( in her half-true form , two more sets of wings cover her " human eyes " on the underside of which are , you guessed it , more eyes ) . be not afraid though , she's immensely forgiving , as long as you accept and join her on the true divine path . beings " infected " by her under her personal guidance are marked with a closed eye over whichever part of their body . also she can't see very well through her " human eyes " . it's just a weirdly specific place humans insist to have them .

DAMIEN ( CARMEN ) .ㅤ corrupted deity / eldritch being ( western lore ) . a part of her lives in damien , the rest of her is left to rot in the murky waters beneath hunter grounds . while she has a vicious grudge against her captors , she has come to love her baby damien with all her hearts , and will protect him no matter what . her existence makes damien's blood ( and tears ) ( ? ) ooze an amaranthine hue , as do occasional thick , dark substance from his orifices / whichever opening of his body / skin , sometimes forming appendages that are surprisingly strong for their consistency , and very much alive .

[maddieonthemovee]

May 26 – Kiyomizudera, Sannen-zaka, Ninen-zaka, and Gion

Today, we started off our day by going to Kiyomizudera. There we saw some beautiful views of Kyoto’s forests from the temple’s famous wooden porch. I was super hot and there was a ton of walking, but my new shoes that I got yesterday in Osaka gave me some extra cushion. Once we arrived, we entered the womb of Kannon, which was basically a long hallway that was pitch black. Our class entered one by one and used a handrail to feel our way through the “womb”. Near the end of the hallway, there was a rotating stone. We put our hands on the stone and made one wish before exiting via some stairs. Next, we got in line to drink water from one of three spouts of falling water. The spouts each represented something different: love, longevity, and success (academic or work-related), and you are to drink from one of the three spouts hoping that the one you choose represents the thing you wish for. I went for the spout in the middle, and I followed the procedure as demonstrated by some of my classmates as well as Japanese locals who went up before me. First, I took a metal ladle with a long handle and filled it up with water. I poured some of it into my hand and took a small sip. Next, I washed both of my hands and then poured out the remaining water by holding the ladle vertically. 

Next, we walked down the hilly temple area through various shops and restaurants. Our bc class broke for lunch at the bottom, but then my friends and I had to walk back up the hill to search for a place to eat; that wasn’t super ideal. Also, many of the restaurants along the hill were fully reserved and booked out, so it was pretty tedious to try and find somewhere we could sit. We settled on a Japanese buffet place, where as soon as we were seated, we were given a tray with a bowl for rice, a plate for vegetables, a bowl for miso soup, and a cup for tea. We filled up our plates with vegetables which unfortunately turned out to be all either pickled or super sweet. I enjoyed the rice and the miso soup though. We then went to a Starbucks which had an authentic, traditional Japanese feel to its design compared to the other more modern Starbucks I have seen here in Japan. After meeting back up with the group, we walked to see a robot manifestation of Kannon. The robot was strangely lifelike despite its mechanical appearance; it was able to blink, move its arms, hands, and head, and “talk”. The robot spoke about the heart sutra and about how seeing oneself and the world as empty frees oneself from worldly desires and allows triumphs over adversities.

Lastly, we made our way to Gion. We walked up and down the Main Street a few times although there wasn’t much to do in the historical area of the district. We missed the 3:00 geisha performance, so we had an hour to walk around and explore before the next performance at 4. My friends and I went to Blue Bottle to get coffee, and then we headed back. We saw a geisha dance performance which was very simple yet precise in its movements. I enjoyed the small intricacies of the performance, from the maiko’s finger movements to her head inclinations. We were able to walk around a small exhibit inside the building, where I saw the different makeup, wigs, shoes, and fans that geishas and maikos use. We then headed home, and my friends and I are now figuring out our plans for dinner. Looking forward to the bamboo forest tomorrow; fingers crossed that it does not rain!

Academic Reflection:

In the second reading, “Enlightenment Geisha: The Sex Trade, Education, and Feminine Ideals in Early Meiji Japan”, I learned some context behind the origins of geishas and their original role in Japanese society. I have seen the movie Memoirs of a Geisha before, so I knew about the prostitution and manipulation that occurred in the geisha houses. However, I was surprised to learn that there were efforts to increase the education. This reading also helped me draw the connection between the perceived role of a geisha and the traditional perceived role of a woman in general in Japan: “Even as the “enlightened geisha” faded into obscurity, parts of her survived as the “good wife, wise mother” (558). 

Something that I have been seeing on social media as my algorithm has begun to show me more and more content related to Japan is the tense relationship between tourists and geishas. I have seen videos of tourists taking videos and photos of geishas walking down the street without their consent, following them and attempting to corner them in public spaces. While we were on the streets of Gion, I did not see any geishas or maikos, but there were many groups of tourists walking about. I read in an article from The Guardian that Kyoto banned tourists from certain areas of the Gion District due to the consistent trespassing of private properties and accosting of geishas and maikos, so I wonder if that can explain the extreme separation from tourists and the geishas today.

[i-never-forgot]

Thank you so much Sofie I am sobbing at this :') I love every single one of these thoughts!

I am such a sucker for sun symbolism so I love this so much! Her deciding that if she cannot find warmth, then she will provide it? AAAHHH. I agree with that Dusknoir species headcanon and raise you him using her like a scarf (like she already drapes herself over his shoulders) when it's cold. Her tail is long and fluffy enough that she can totally surround his shoulders/head and keep him toastie. But yessss, all the cuddles!!!!

Storm symbolism??? It honestly is so metal, thank you for pointing that out! Imagine her negative mindstate just resulting in devastatingly powerful electrical attacks that can knock a crater in a forest or smth...don't piss off this version of Eliana, perhaps in this one she embraces her issues rather than eventually healing them? (Villain!Eliana AU???)

OCEAN SYMBOLISM!!! OHHHH HOW DID I NOT THINK OF THIS. This might work in an AU where she and Lu end up together instead, since there would be so much symbolism tied to this form. But the 'ignoring your issues' idea? The ruff emoting like Dusknoir's? Maybe this could work in a situation where they were simply close friends/mentor and mentee, so she picks up on some of his body language as a result haha. Gosh this is a fun one. (Also, you didn't mention it, but...the best boy Manaphy might have an influence in this case as well. Momiana would like to be able to breath underwater so she can go visit her and Lu's adopted son.)

Espeon was up there for the initial options! Her being sun-coded, plus the type compliments, and those entries you pointed out? Goshhh, that would be so interesting for her as a result of what she's going through. Also. Sofie? That storm comment? Consider my emotions completely wrecked lol. The day/night archetype would suit her and Dusknoir's dynamic so well, especially since he can do Shadow Sneak/hide in the shadows, plus the sunbathing and moonbathing idea carrying over in this case...*chef's kiss*

Umbreon!Eliana was a very close thing compared to the other evos haha, for the reasons you said. But her comforting Lu and accidentally being shunted into that form despite her choice? Uuff, the angst potential is strong with this one! But she would most definitely take advantage of using that defense mechanism to its finest as she works through her defensiveness with Dusknoir! (Imagine the fight in the fic with that instead of Solas Beam!)

I do have a character in the works for a Glaceon in TPR as a sort of juxtaposition/compliment to Leafeon (since I recently played EoS with one and a Luxray partner), so I suppose it's good that there wouldn't be any conceptual conflict there lol. But the design? Yes. Very sleek, and she does have just a touch of a cold streak where her grudges are concerned. (Plus, perhaps in some sort of AU, she could act as a sort of allegory for Blizzard Island being the place where Dusknoir was redeemed?)

Ohhh my god. I love this idea so much. I may also try to draw it. I love imagining this as a sort of spring form (bc I love the Deerling/Sawsbuck concept of changing throughout the seasons and I wish they used that idea more) since I've mentioned her going through some "molting" changes in autumn/winter. This is so good and sounds so gorgeous honestly. (The real question is...whether Dusknoir has the capability of smell and if he likes the scent of her flowers. Just...I love this concept so much, and her having her own natural perfume? Excellent!)

Ooohhhh, I love the grudge allegory of her having trouble with moving on! The affection/friendship evos would plug into this idea so well, like you said, and this is spot-on character-wise in her fearing to make the wrong decision! Aaarrggghh this is so good!

I’m just curious.

[shotosprincess]

♡ dating the bnha boys — hcs

｡･:*:･-: ✧ :,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･-: ✧ :,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

➪ shoto todoroki

pls you’ve prolly been terrified of him for a while prior bc of how ?? talented ?? the mf is ??

but mans prolly saved you at some point and there was this lingering stare you two shared before he left you at recovery girls’ office; were you reading too far into things ?

spoiler alert: you weren’t.

anYWAYS-

he’s the kind of boyfriend to tenderly brush your hair for you and attempt to learn how to tie and braid your hair up in cute ,, simple designs !!

he’d always be ready with little things you’re constantly forgetting; extra snacks,, water,, a fully charged portable charger ,, trust me when i say that man is pREPARED- after all ,, he needs to be ready with everything to take care of his little sweetheart ,, does he not ?

ONLY TWO POINTS IN AND IM ALREADY CRYING BC I LOVE HIM SM BYE BYE BYE

at some point he’d find you sitting on the roof by yourself late at night,, only to stay with you and let you fall asleep on his chest as he drapes a blanket over you and heats it up a lil with his quirk

OKAY YOU CANNOT TELL ME THAT THAT MAN WOULDNT HOLD THE DOOR OPEN FOR YOU AT ALL TIMES AND WOULD SOMETIMES EVEN GET LOWKEYHIGHKEY KINDA SAD WHEN YOU DONT LET HIM

prolly bc he just wants to prove to you that he can be useful

pls just let the man know he’s useful and important he never shows it directly but he needs the reassurance—

he’d give you a warm massage w his quirk whenever you’re in pain :”)

HIDES AND PROTECTS YOU FROM MINETA BC HE KNOWS DAMN WELL WHAT THAT LITTLE SHIT FANTASIZES ABOUT

loves heating//cooling things for you ,, like instant noodles or ice packs !!

surprises you w jewelry that have his initials on them !!

GIVES THE BEST CUDDLES I SWEAR

would hold an umbrella for u while you loop your arm into his as the two of you walk home through the light rain :”)

cries into your chest sometimes after youve fallen asleep bc it’s late nights like these when he reflects on just how lucky of a guy he is to have you— it’s hard for him to articulate it directly ,, but when he does fully open up to you ab it ,, you end up crying too .

WOULD 110% MAKE THE TWO OF YOU YOUR OWN PERSONAL LIL ICE RINK AND TEACH YOU HOW TO SKATE // DO FUN FIGURE SKATING DUOS WITH YOU

➪ katsuki bakugou

prolly got with you initially bc of a dare ( and he nEVER passes up a dare ) ,, but eventually those feelings started to become real and honestly ? it kinda scared the shit outta him . he didn’t know why ,, but for some reason he didnt actually want to leave .

OKAY LARA JEAN AND PETER MF KAVINSKY TYPE BEAT ( ˘ ³˘)♥︎ HIT US WITH THE FAKE RELATIONSHIP TO REAL RELATIONSHIP TROPE YESYESYES

teasingly-mean nicknames = his love language . enough said .

AGGRESSIVE !! KISSES !! ALL !! THE DAMN !! TIME !!

makes you wear his hoodie whenever you show even the sLIGHTEST hint at being cold

he just rly wants to see you in his clothes

he’s so clueless on how to do this whole boyfriend thing ,, but he’s definitely trying bc it’s for you :”)

watches and tries so desperately to copy all the cute couples in the movies you guys watch together

“ roses...do you want roses ? “ “ what ? “ “ the guy in the movie gave her roses...do you want roses too ? “

but at the end of the day you just appreciate him for who he is and that’s more than enough for you :”)

PLS DENKI AND KIRI ARE CONSTANTLY SHOCKED AT HOW MUCH HE’S TRYING FOR YOU

will take any and every opportunity to show off his strength and quirk to you <3

now we all know this man gets jealous hella easily ,, and its no different w relationships :”) he’d constantly make it a point to hold you extra close to him in public ,, show you off on social media and call you by a nickname//petname whenever possible just to reiterate to ppl the fact that you’re his and he’s yours

WOULD LET YOU SIT ON HIS LAP AND DO HIS EYELINER AT 2AM PURELY BC YOU GOT BORED

pls i could rly see myself doing that i wont lie

honestly sometimes he forgets himself and his temper gets a little out of hand ,, but the second he sees his feral reflection in your fearful eyes,, he pulls you to his chest and apologizes profusely :”))

➪ denki kaminari

MF PROLLY GOT WITH YOU BC OF A RIGGED GAME OF SPIN THE BOTTLE AT MINA’S PLACE I CANNOT SEE ANYTH HAPPENING OTHERWISE

one tiny kiss turned into two ,, which turned into three ,, and before you knew it ,, the both of you were spilling out the pent up feelings you had for one another all this time—

mina never shuts up ab it ,, she’s so proud of her matchmaking skills

when the power goes out during a storm ,, he holds onto you tight and plays w your hair as he uses his quirk to turn things back on ,,, “ shhh it’s ok,, i’m here “

will do anything and everything to make you smile <3

he has a lil album in his camera roll with all his favourite pictures of you ,, which is practically just all of them tbh ♡´･ᴗ･`♡

HE LOVES SHOWING YOU OFF IN THE MOST WHOLESOME WAY POSSIBLE !!

super energetic n bubbly but at the end of your dates he passes out right away in your arms

you make sure to wrap him up in blankets and give him an overload of kisses after he’s rly asleep though

will work embarrassingly hard to win you stuffed animals at the fair !! it doesn’t always work ,, but it’s cute nontheless <3

some of the staff and children at the fairs get pissed off but oh well ,,, what you do for love

pls he prolly makes you lil bento boxes for lunch every now and then ( ESPECIALLY DURING EXAM WEEK ) w tiny notes and designs taped on them

constantly calls you “ shawty “ lowkey un ironically and dice rolls in ur direction whenever he sees you ,,, you just end up laughing and playfully punching him

I JUST KNOW HE DOES THE F BOY LIP BITE FACE CONSTANTLY

ITS AN ADDICTION FOR HIM I SWEAR

SUPER CLINGY BUT IN THE CUTEST WAY AAAA

LIL STICKY NOTE LOVE LETTERS FROM HIM IN YOUR LOCKER EVERY !! MF !! DAY !!!

you both agreed that at home cozy netflix dates w microwave popcorn and fuzzy blankets >>> movie theatre dates

110% made a playlist for you at some point when he crushed on you from afar and shared it w you after you started dating

he made a collaborative playlist for yall AND multiple playlists of songs that remind him of you afterwards

pls i just kNOW this man’s love language is making playlists

theyre prolly all categorized by mood or smth too w the cutest covers ever pls

➪ ejirou kirishima

you initially met him bc he was hella upset and alone this one time and you were the only one to notice and be there for him bc he ran away from everyone else to hide the “ uNmanLy “ tears :”))

takes you w him on his lil gym visits ,, hypes you up with every little thing u accomplish !!

constantly teasing bakugou with how he’s able to pull you and how lucky he is to have you

bakugou gets hella annoyed most of the time and just blasts him away-

idk bro i just feel like kiri prolly calls you “ adorable “ alot i wont lie-

LOVES HAND HOLDING,, takes any opportunity to hold ur hand and trace lil casual patterns across your knuckles w his thumb

sometimes he’ll even draw lil hearts on your hand

play fighting but sometimes the two of you get too carried away and he actually loses half of the time-

LATE NIGHT GAME NIGHTS WITH HIM AND THE BAKUSQUAD,, he loves being on the team against you so he can get all competitive

OK HEAR ME OUT;;;; DANCE BATTLES W HIM AS YOUR PARTNER AGAINST RANDOM PPL AT PARTIES

mans gets hella insecure ab himself sometimes ,, so he loves doing lil things for you !! opening a can ,, pulling the blanket over you ,, zipping up your jacket <33

STOP WAIT THATS SO CUTE BYE I WANT THAT

lets you dye his hair—THATS HOW MUCH HE TRUSTS YOU BYE

pls yall prolly aggressively play wii sports and just dance against one another on a regular basis;; it’s literally your thing and you cannot tell me otherwise ahjdjfj

pls i just KNOW this man’s an overly passionate wii player

will wrap his arms around your waist and hug u from behind as you make breakfast

WOULD WEAR MATCHING EARRINGS W YOU IF ITS FOR YOU

slow dances in the living room at midnight w you !!

eventually as you spent more time together ,,, you were able to change his idea of “ manliness “ ,, and he was able to realize that manliness is not equivalent to stoicism and that expressing ur feelings is still totally manly and totally valid !! <33