#i was actually having a bad day before writing this down

[andhumanslovedstories]

I am not closely following the election results tonight, but I am occasionally seeing flashes of them out of the corner of my eye. The most obvious sign that things aren’t going well right now is the complete lack of celebrating on my dash. I know what tumblr looks like when it’s happy. Maybe I’ll go to bed tonight and see something different in the morning. I hope to god that is the case. But I’m thinking about the way I’m thinking right now, and I want to get some stuff down before the future kicks in.

In 2016 I was in a period of my life I affectionately refer to as as my fuckup era. I wasn’t even fucking up really. More just chilling out and falling short of the vague expectations I’d had about what I was supposed to be doing after I graduated college. While my friends from college rented apartments in the city and got jobs that didn’t supply you with a uniform shirt, I lived at home and worked as a barista at a fancy movie theater. That’s a real job you can do for almost five years. I didn’t have a clue what the back half of my twenties should look like. The only long term plan I had in my life was moving out west with my best friend, and my plan for finding a job once I was out there was basically to cross my fingers and hope.

Those days weren’t bad on the whole, but it felt like I was not actually living a life so much as I was goofing off in the waiting room. Sometimes that felt embarrassing, sometimes it felt fun, and sometimes it felt like I was completely pointless to the world.

On 2016’s Election Day, I went to bed early. After watching the votes come in, I needed the night to be over. I woke in a world that felt different than it had been the night before—not just in the actuality of who would be president but down to its foundations. I realized for the first time how much hope I’d had in human nature because now I didn’t feel it anymore. It’s almost silly when I think about it—so many horrible things had already happened that year, people had done horrible things as long as there have been people, and I didn’t think I was naive to that—but something clicked into place that morning.

It felt the same way my world had changed a year earlier, in 2015 during my last semester of college. My college victory lap felt like a prolonged downward spiral. Very early in the morning on a Monday, after pulling an all-nighter and overwhelmed by self-loathing that I could not just motivate myself to work on a paper that had been my only thought all weekend, I self-harmed for the first time in a way that was impossible to pretend it was anything else. Earlier that weekend, I’d tried staving off the urges drawing or writing on my arm, something that did (and does) usually work. I’d written this quote in silver sharpie on my forearm: “Good is not a thing you are. It's a thing you do.”

I picked that quote from the Ms. Marvel comics and liked the words so much, I thought that I wouldn’t be willing to purposefully mess it up by hurting myself there. Didn’t work. They just made me feel more ashamed of myself as I did it.

That was the worst I had ever felt. Then, on the Friday of that week, a friend of mine was senselessly, brutally murdered.

It doesn’t feel now like there was ever a time before her death. My memoir class is now where I wrote about her. My favorite professor is now the one who held me as I cried. My final thesis, the culmination of my history degree, never got finished and certainly never got polished. I turned it what I had and got an A minus. Sometimes I think of rereading that paper to see if that’s the grade it actually deserved. We hadn’t been the closest friends, but my name was still on the email admin sent to professors, listing students who might be emotionally affected by this tragic event. Grace’s murder hangs over every memory I have with her and everything she ever touched. It feels like its own type of obliteration to leave her reduced to her death.

Grace wanted to be a lawyer because she believed in justice and also liked arguing. She could be rude when she wasn’t interested in what you were saying. When you caught her attention, you felt like the most fascinating person in the room. She was so proud of being Jewish. I watched her become proud of being gay. She was so universally friendly that it took me a year to realize that she actually liked specifically me. She had a somewhat silly laugh and an astonishingly luminous smile.

I thought less of the world and the people in it because of how she died. Trump’s election in 2016 felt like that.

After he won, I left stasis. From November through December, I thought harder about my future than I ever had before. Who did I want to be? What did I most value? What did I think was worth protecting? What work wouldn’t kill me to do? At one point, in presumably a fit of madness, I thought, “what if I got into politics.” Epiphany eventually hit me. By the time of Trump’s inauguration, I was already enrolled at community college, getting my pre-reqs for nursing school.

Now it’s election night again, eight years later. I live on the west coast with my best friend, in a house that we bought together. I work as a nurse in a hospital in a city where there are homeless encampments off every highway and someone begging for change on every corner. Meanwhile, there’s Palestine. Meanwhile there’s Sudan. Meanwhile refugees drown in the sea and border patrol shoots jugs of water. Even hurricanes have human cruelty now.

I don’t think people are inherently good or the universe inherently kind. But I am very good at tricking myself into thinking it for a little while, and when I do, I can remember the a specific feeling from Friday of my senior year, from that morning in November— how fucking hard the disappointment hit me because I had expected people to be better than this. It makes me want to be better than that.

I believe, and hope that I always will, that we can make a better world. I don’t know what it looks like, but I think I will see it in my lifetime. Those of us who can believe such things owe a bit of that naïveté to the world—not to excuse atrocities or think them impossible but to believe that we can stop them at all. You have to have a couple people sprinkled around who are genuinely shocked when people do bad things. It’s not that the pessimists are wrong, but you need the occasional counterbalance. I want to be a reasonable cynic’s pleasant surprise.

Every shift, I interact with people at their lowest and worst. I see the direct pipeline from pain to anger to violence, and how fragile that pipeline can be. So many situations can be changed by things as small as a warm blanket or a kind word. Violence can be quite easy to avert. Crises can be quite simply to resolve. Even when I know that whatever I do that shift will not change the circumstances of a person’s life, I think that what I do that shift still matters.

I’m lying in bed, writing this post instead of looking at the news. I wonder how tonight will change me. Been thinking about what I’ll do if Trump wins. Been thinking about how whatever I think I need to do under Trump will still need to be done if Harris clutches out a victory. I guess this is a pessimist’s optimism: to a degree the election doesn’t matter. Good is not a thing you are. It is a thing you do. Our better world will always take a lot of work.

But please god please, why can’t it be just a little easier to do it?

[leclarifies]

i love you. it's ruining my life. (MV33)

✰ max verstappen x popstar!ex!reader ✰

summary: you and max have been broken up for four years now, going no contact for the entirety of those years. never bothering to contact eachother but he invites you to one of his races one day after the last show of your tour, who were you to say no?

genre: angst (im sorry)

wc: 3k

a/n: AHHH, THIS WAS WAS A DOOZY!!!!! i loved writing this (i mostly just like hurting myself more than anything). kind of dark themes tho, ooc max bc he vvv loving and would never cheat on his lover. thank you so much for 100 followers btw!!!!!! i wrote this as a 100 follower special :3 thank you so much for my supporting my short journey as a tumblr writer, you guys inspire me to write even more for you guys. can you imagine that's it's been a week of writing and i've already gained 100 followers?? i love you guys so much.

warnings: mentions of existing relationship with kelly, cheating

"thought of calling ya, but you won't pick up. another fortnight lost in america." - taylor swift, 'fortnight'

isn't it ironic that careers can really separate you from what truly made you, you? being a popstar, touring for months on end, surrounding yourself with new people, new opportunities, made it hard for you to reconnect with the people that helped you from day one.

it wasn't like you cut them off, or stopped talking to them. you tried. you really tried, but sometimes life goes on and people forgive and forget. your old life before you started your career was slowly being etched away and replaced with new pieces.

and maybe that was a bad thing.

"on stage in 2 minutes," a voice snapped you out of your trance, you looked up. you looked amazing in your sparkly dress, it was the last leg of your tour and you were touring in europe.

you had been offered to attend a formula one race this weekend after all of your shows had been concluded, you've been thinking about it, but you're not sure you want to go. one of the people from said past was in attendance and you're not sure if you wanted to immerse yourself in that again.

you didn't think about it for long though, you were due for a show and a show was what you're going to give.

it wasn't long until the weekend, friday to be exact and you had accepted the offer of being on the formula one paddock, you knew that a certain ex-boyfriend was going to be there, racing on the track and you were invited personally by him, which was why you were so skeptical to go.

POPSTAR Y/N BREAKS UP WITH F1 DRIVER MAX VERSTAPPEN.

you remembered the headlines, you remembered what you let go of but seeing someone you still loved after your break up almost four years ago stung a little bit.

you couldn't blame him though, you were the one to break things off all those years ago. it wasn't because you had a terrible relationship with him, but it was more because you both didn't have time for eachother and you could see it in his face everytime you came home to monaco after a long show.

"i miss you, when can you finally stay and actually stay awhile?" max's face looked pitiful and you could only look down at your feet, you felt guilty. you wanted this career, he pushed you for this career but sometimes you wished that you could split yourself in two to cater to both his needs and yours.

you look back up at him, locking eyes with his stormy blue eyes, "i don't know maxie, maybe next month? i don't really have a schedule for next month, i can stay in monaco with you for awhile—"

"you said that last month, when are you actually going to be free schatje?"

"max, i can't give you a definite timeline—"

"what's the point of me being in a relationship with you when i can barely see you?"

it hurt to hear those words come out of his mouth.

maybe that's when you finally realized that he deserved someone normal, someone who wasn't a famous singer and could actually spend time and be there for him.

but here you were, amidst the paddock with a singular security guard because you didn't think you needed more than one, considering security around the paddock was tight in of itself.

the red bull's garage had been nice to you, offering you anything you possibly could need while being on a grand prix, you had politely declined any type of special treatment though, wanting to feel like a person for once in your life.

you wouldn't say your job is the hardest in the world, never. doing what you loved while meeting all of your fans was going to be the highlight of your day, but sometimes the job came with crazy fans that would invade your privacy for selfish reasons, and it made you a tiny bit stressed.

you remember starting out from the netherlands, starring in small gigs before getting signed to a mega corporation in america, which was when you moved. you slowly lost contact with your friends, but you were sure they were proud of you although you weren't proud that you lost contact with them.

you knew that if you contacted them that it would be awkward, there was just no way they would even remember you, right?

you were walking about aimlessly around the paddock, it was free practice day which meant that after the allotted time of the free practice, drivers were free to roam around the paddock however they wanted. you were scared on what you had to face today.

you told yourself to just keep calm, take whatever you got this weekend and just react like a sane person.

saturday came and went, you attended the paddock to watch the qualifying session, of course, max came out on top. was it even a surprise to you? you knew he was the best of the best, you never expected less of him, even after all these years.

sunday was here and maybe it was the anxiety, but you felt like throwing up when you saw max approach you.

"y/n, it's good to see you."

god, those eye-smiles. you could never get tired of them.

"hi max, congrats on starting out pole for this weekend," you told him as you shook hands with him, he was all smiles.

it felt good to see him happy.

"how has the paddock been treating you?" max asked, gesturing all around him, "have you tried the food? it's really good."

you nod as you let go of his hand, clasping it with your other hand, a nervous habit, "yeah, the food's good. how have you been? i haven't talked to you in awhile," a nervous laugh bubbled up from your throat, you were nervous to see him, maybe it was those damn butterflies in your stomach that you couldn't get rid of when he looked at you with those blue eyes of his.

"i know, you've been quite busy right?" max laughed at you, he felt silly conversing with his ex-girlfriend like this, like they didn't have a past.

you could only nod and smile back at him, shoulders tense, "yeah, touring's been eventful. it's the last leg of the tour so i decided to come, thank you for the invite by the way, i really appreciate—"

"max, who's this?" a voice came from behind you, quite condescending if you did say so yourself, cutting you off, you turned your head around to see his girlfriend and his girlfriend's child coming into view, walking towards max and wrapping max with her arm as a possessive embrace.

max kissed her cheek, and that hurt. you didn't want to know why, but you knew. he spoke up afterwards, "this is y/n, she's a singer. i wanted her to come because she had a show here, thought the timing was quite convenient for her. y/n, this is my girlfriend, kelly piquet. she's a model."

you extended your hand as a form of hello before introducing yourself, "hello, i'm y/n—"

"yeah, i know who you are," kelly cut you off again, you were quite taken aback by the hostility, your hand left hanging but then again, max was talking to one of his ex-girlfriends. you thought you would react the same way, so you didn't take it too much to heart. her face was something you'd describe as an angry, possessive tiger, brows furrowed, frown on full display.

"i didn't mean to take time away from your boyfriend. i was just having a little chat pre-race," you tried to give her a smile while returning your hand back to your side, but kelly was adamant about standing her ground.

little penelope was looking at you like she had stars in her eyes, you smiled at her. as if it was a sign of whether she should speak up, she starting speaking to you directly, "hi, i really love your songs. do you think you can stay in the red bull garage and we can take pictures together?"

you giggle and bend down to her level and pat her head, "hi little p, of course we can take pictures together— that's if your mother lets me," you acknowledged that this little girl was no ordinary little girl and was your ex-boyfriend's girlfriend's child.

"can we all talk in private please?" kelly excused the three of them away before you could even give her a response but you understood her. standing back up before walking off deeper into the paddock.

MAX'S POV

"i don't understand why you would invite her!" kelly was pacing around the motorhome, here we were fifteen minutes before race start and here my girlfriend was still yelling over something that happened two hours ago.

"kelly, i just thought it was a good idea. i wanted to invite her because i know p was such a big fan of hers—"

"she's your ex for god's sake, max!" kelly yelled out yet again, "why would i ever approve of her coming to one of your races? let alone be near to p??" her pacing was more feverish now, like she was scared.

i could only sigh, honestly i wasn't too worried about this problem at the moment. the only thing on my mind was the race and only the race.

"look, can we talk about this when i've finished with my race? i really need to focus and you keeping me locked up in here isn't going to help with it," i stood up from my seat, i didn't want to hear anything else come out of her mouth other than a 'okay' and letting me walk out of here.

"don't you think our relationship is at stake here—?"

"if you don't let me go out into the garage, then we're nothing kelly," i say with finality, i wasn't going to let her ruin a race, "i told you, we will solve and talk about this issue later, but you chose to lock me up in here. there will be nothing to salvage if you don't let me do my job."

kelly wordlessly stepped out of the way of the door and let me go, thankfully just with enough time where i could run down and get into the garage, getting me in racing gear.

thankfully the red bull mechanics and officials were understanding enough to let me rush and get inside of my car, getting into the chasis just at the right moment where we would need to drive out.

it was going to be a fine race for me. i knew it. i had enough confidence in myself to know whether i could win a race, and this was one of them.

"and that's p1 max, great race," gp was in my ear, i was proud of myself for winning, but kelly was gnawing the back of my mind. although, the first face i saw when i got out of the car was y/n's.

it felt like my heart stopped beating, i thought i got rid of those stupid butterflies ages ago, but nothing ever beat seeing her smile after i finished a race. she looked so beautiful, so ethereal but i washed those thoughts out of my head.

i had a girlfriend.

i can't run up and hug her because she's my ex. i have a loving relationship in front of me. what was i thinking?

kelly was nowhere to be found in the celebratory pit, i thought that maybe she was still too angry to face me at the moment. it stung a little bit, but she'll get over it. i'm sure.

the night moves on fast, and somehow i found myself still in the garage fixing a few things with the sim, most of the mechanics and staff were long gone. with kelly nowhere to be found. sometimes i felt bad, for still harboring feelings for an ex that left me four years ago.

my relationship with her felt so different with kelly's...

she was like fresh air you would breathe after exiting a club in the middle of the night, the smoke that clouded the air dissipating almost instantly after that fresh air hit your lungs. somehow, even four years later i still find her in little things i do everyday.

against my better judgement, i picked up my phone and i gave her a call.

"hello?"

i breathed out a sigh of relief when i realized she hadn't changed her phone number yet.

"it's me," were the words that left my lips, "you wanna come celebrate with me tonight?" i was picking on my jeans, i didn't want her to say no. i just wanted to spend a little time with her.

"what about your girlfriend? isn't she going to be even more upset with you—"

"can we not talk about her right now?" i closed my eyes and leaned back against the chair i was sitting on, hearing her voice again after a long time just... it felt right.

"max..."

"don't... just don't. i know what you're gonna say and i know it's wrong but i just... i can't do this today. i just won today and the first face i saw was yours, she didn't bother to show up. you can't tell me how to feel, y/n," i rubbed my temples, "meet me in the lobby of my hotel tonight. i just wanna see you."

"if i say okay, will this be a one-time thing?" y/n asked, i could hear the soft rustles of her moving things around, she was probably already in her hotel, resting from her tour when i had called.

"better yet, just drop the address of where you're staying. i'll come to you."

the first thing max did when he saw you was crash his lips into yours, you wanted to push him away, be the better person and tell him that he has a girlfriend but your arms couldn't do it.

your lips disconnected after awhile, he was breathing heavy, face flushed, hands all over you, "i've missed you."

you hum a response, you could barely get out a response when you feel his lips on yours again, this was wrong. all the alarms in your body were telling you to push him off, to yell at him, to reprimand him for basically cheating on his girlfriend.

but you didn't.

and maybe that made you a bad person, but at the moment you didn't care. you just wanted to feel him once more.

you woke up the next morning, cuddled up against max, both of you bare and indecent. he hadn't left yet, maybe he didn't want to leave.

the reality of last night crashed down onto you as you realized what you've done.

"max?"

"yes, schatje?"

the little nickname he gave you never went away. he used to call you that all the time but the feelings that came with it was no longer endearment but horror.

"you need to get back to your girlfriend, i don't think i can do this," you unwrap yourself from his grasps and sit up, back facing him, tears filling your eyes.

"woah, woah. schatje—"

"please, max. i feel like shit. you have a girlfriend and i just slept with you. last night was a mistake," you breathed out and hugged your knees close to your chest. you felt his hand on your back.

"y/n, what are you saying—" you cut him off before he could say anything else.

"i can't give you what you want max. we can't be together anymore. our story ended four years ago, please don't make this mistake. you're going to regret it," you quickly got up and away from his close proximity and got dressed.

you didn't know how to face him anymore.

"can we please talk about it at least? you can't lie and say that you don't feel the same way i do," max's voice came from behind you, you were pacing around the room, you were stressed. he was sitting there, shirtless with his pants on now.

"i do max! and that's the worst part because i knew you're in a relationship but i still let this happen. i am a horrible person. i love you and it's slowly ruining my life. i should've known better!" you turn around to face him, your face red, tears streaming down your face.

max could only sigh and raked a hand through his hair, "schatje..."

"we can't be together max, you know it. i can never give you what she gives you. she can be with you almost all the time max, you threw that all away for me? for someone who can't give you time of day?!" you sob into your hands.

you felt arms wrapping around you as you sob into his embrace.

MAX VERSTAPPEN BREAKS UP WITH GIRLFRIEND KELLY PIQUET ONLY AFTER A FEW MONTHS OF BEING TOGETHER.

you scroll past that headline as you got ready for your appearance to promote your new album, it came out two days ago and you were to debut the new songs on jimmy kimmel.

the tortured poets department.

you hadn't talked to max ever since that night, ever since he tenderly kissed your forehead and told you it was going to be okay and that he would figure it out. he had been blowing up your phone, asking to meet but you didn't have it in your heart to meet him after destroying his relationship like that.

that was two months ago.

you were due on stage in around an hour and that's where you would sing your heart out, leaving whatever pieces of your old self behind when you slept with max for the final time.

"i love you, it's ruining my life. i touched you for only a fortnight."

hello! thank u for reading this fic hehe, hope u guys enjoyed it. thank you again for 100 followers!!!!

[biteyoubiteme]

okay okay okay!!

txt vs no nut november! and maybe single / with a partner and regular sex life

like, would / wouldn't participate (and why), how long it would take for them to lose (if lose at all, I look at you taehyun), why they would lose (idek, forgot, were too stressed, too horny, etc)

would there be a member who would be like "I'll cum at 0:01, november the first, and will enjoy the whole month looking at you all suffer, losers"?

ahhhh now I think of requesting yeonkai x reader about nnn...

txt v. no nut november

warnings: 🔞!!! gn!reader, mentions of masturbation/sex, cockwarming, edging, prob forgot some sorry

wc: 0.7k total

an: hiiii @apeachty you're my favorite because you can read my mind on exactly what I want to write next lol I don't know if I got everything you asked for but I hope you enjoy!

[m.list] [1kevent m.list]

taehyun .ᐟ

if you didn't think taehyun was winning I don't know what you're on but it's just known that he would hold out the longest. If he did lose it was because the clocks had just turned to midnight when he finished effectively ending his need to even participate in a game he knows is arbitrary. This does not mean that he doesn't still try because he loves a challenge. Will spend more time in the gym because of it but he will never complain. The guys will make fun of him saying he's not even in the game anymore seeing as he failed first, will actually go on into the first week of December just to prove a point.

beomgyu .ᐟ

Now I don't think beomgyu is very competitive about most things and if he is it's only because of teasing and needing to prove people wrong. But November is his time to shine. He will actively encourage the other’s partners to tease the boys just so that he can ‘win’ the bet. Will make it through the month but the end is an absolute struggle, suddenly he's getting boners left and right like he's a teenager again. The last day of November is the day he breaks. Technically all the other boys have already lost if you look past taehyun going past November. This is his excuse and doesn't even make it through the morning before he's cumming. By the end of the day, he is three orgasms down and doesn't even care about winning the title besides the fact he can joke about it until next year.

yeonjun .ᐟ

He tries so hard and wants to beat beomgyu because he is his only real competition. Actually masturbates a lot and just edges himself because he likes teasing and the ache it gives him. Avoiding his partner as if that will help anything, his imagination is just well enough. Only makes it a little more than halfway through the month before he's given up. He's not able to stay away from his partner and needs them too much to stop himself. Although he tries to just edge himself again, cockwarming only works until he's absentmindedly thrusting, cursing when he accidentally finishes. Just shrugs and goes another round this time without even feeling sorry. 

kai .ᐟ

Doesn't even remember that he's not supposed to be having sex, and doubly doesn't remember not to cum. He lasts a few days max and only because hadn't been near his partner. But as soon as they come near he's a needy mess, begging to get off because he just missed them so much. Remembers the last second about the group chat and the threats of having to pay for everyone's dinner if he's first to lose. Feels like a failure for only a second before shrugging just glad he doesn't have to worry about it anymore. Promises to win next year even if it's the last thing he does.

soobin .ᐟ

Talks big talk about winning but forgets exactly how often he finishes in a month. Will put himself into a bad mood and it's only been a few hours into November 1st. Has to avoid opening certain apps because he knows his feed will be evil and show him exactly what he wants to see but can't use to get him off. Surprises himself by even making it through the day only not really because he's got his hand down his pants only an hour before midnight. Cums multiple times and doesn't even bring it up that he's lost, actually lies about still holding out until he confesses to Kai that he too did not last long at all. “No, it was actually torture, the only thing I could think about was getting off and wondering exactly where you guys would pick to eat and if it would be that crazy to just send my card info in the chat to get it over with,” 

He and Taehyun have a full back-and-forth that lasts longer than it should about who should give their card to the waiter. The very serious debate ends after the laughter from the other boys is so loud people are looking their way. Soobin grumbles as he pays but knows it's only fair because he technically did lose first. He also knows that he was only a minute shy of actually finishing at midnight before the day even started for their competition and would have ended up paying anyway because unlike taehyun he would not have just continued the competition but would have just given up without even trying. 

taglist 🏷: @kissmekissykissme @bts-txt-ateez @apeachty want to be added to the taglist? check out my rules to see how to join! want to be taken off the taglist? send an ask!

[esggs]

Accurate!Gojo Satoru has been trying his level hardest the past half an hour and yet–and yet– he just cannot get it up.

Pretty dress, gorgeous. Can I take a closer look? Dashing man, albino hair and teeth stained red, black, green, blue under the club lighting. Angelic. Preferably back at my place? 

“You’ll have a good time, my ass.” Gojo imagines you mocking him in your head. Deservedly, he’ll grant, he did talk up a big game, all the teasing and squeezing and grinding and kissing up until he actually had to perform. 

“Should I go down on you again? That seemed to help.” Your smile makes his face burn even more. So sweet, so genuinely helpful. 

“Yeah…” 

Your hair brushes his thighs as you lean down to softly thumb down his foreskin off the tip, pressing kisses to his length and baby-licks against the slit. It feels really fucking good; Gojo can’t help groaning at the first contact, it’s just– 

What? What is it? You’re dripping sex on legs, hotter than he deserves– the cowlick at your nape, the blush on your cleavage, the juicy fat of your thighs, your drooping eyes, you get him choking on his breath. His Six Eyes tell him it’s safe, you have no hidden weapons nor ill-intentions to kill him the second he lets all his Infinity down (let’s be honest, you couldn't either way). Nor is there a sniper on a roof waiting to shoot him through the window. No recording devices, no bombs planted in this hastily-rented hotel room (not that he can stop checking every 5 minutes). So what is it?

“I’m sorry.” You abandon your efforts for a moment, looking up with those kohl-rimmed eyes. “It’s really not you, you’re gorgeous and I mean it, it’s just–” There’s no trace of the cocky playboy you assumed he was back at the club. He’s stuttering for God’s sake. “I– I just can’t relax.” 

“Ah!” It’s clearly not something you’ve ever faced before. Obviously not, man, look at her. “Um, do you want a smoke… or, uh–”

“No, sorry, I don’t smoke. Or drink. My job’s kinda hectic, so I need to be on call 24/7, always prepared, you know?” Not a lie per se. It’s just difficult to bring up that you’re the strongest jujutsu sorcerer on the planet when your disappointed one night stand doesn’t even know about jujutsu in the first place.  

“This is a first.” You cock your head at him, still smiling. “Never met anyone so high-strung they can’t even get hard, let alone smoke.”

It’s normal behaviour for 20 year old young men, especially the rich and the handsome ones such as he, to go to the club, party, pick up chicks, have wild sex, walk of shame the next morning. He’s seen it in movies. He’s heard his peers share their experiences. Just one night of normal, he’d told himself, then back to being Gojo Satoru. 

Mr. Gojo Satoru’s foray into normal human behaviours has been officially an embarrassing flop. 

“I can pay for the Uber.” There’s no saving the situation. His dick– no, penis, he decides, it doesn’t deserve an honourable name anymore. His penis doesn’t look like it'll rise to the occasion any time soon, so the best he can do is be a damn gentleman. For the sake of his manly ego, he’ll cleanse his memory of this shameful encounter. “Sorry about this.”

Maybe he should start preparing for his lessons the next day. He’s gonna teach barrier techniques. 

“Kicking me out so soon?” You joke, even though you’re already picking your bra off the floor. Not your first rodeo. “How rude of you, cute Satoru-chan.”

He giggles. “Unless you want to stay? We can Netflix and chill, literally.” Is this normal human behaviour? Looking at your smile, he realises that he doesn’t give a shit. 

“I want popcorn, extra butter.” “Okie, madam!” 

a/n: election results so bad had to write gojo being a moshi moshi schoolgirl with ed just to feel something.

[concreteangel92]

Do you write angst? Could you write something? You decide 😊

The One Who Never Was

Noah Sebastian x female reader

Warnings: Noah being a complete and utter fuck boy, talks of sex but nothing detailed, breakups, playing with someone’s feelings, gaslighting, love bombing, mental and emotional abuse, depression, co-dependency, unhealthy relationships, fwb, situationship, no happy ending in this story, drinking, self destructive behaviour, let me know if I’ve missed something!

Noah is not a nice person in this fic, if that is going to bother you then please don’t read. I did also picture long haired Noah when I was writing this.

I hope you all enjoy (if that’s the right word for a story like this ahaha) and I’m hoping to get back into my writing this week as I’m not back at work until Saturday (if I’m well enough) and this is the first time in about 6 weeks that I’ve been able to rest and do nothing so I’ll try and be productive with it

Tags: @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard @Ima1986 (never lets me tag you properly for some reason?)

“Hey fancy meeting up today? Feels like it’s been ages”

You nervously sat there waiting for Noah’s response, in your mind already knowing the answer.

You and Noah had been in this ‘situationship’ for a year now, you’d started off as just friends and then one night, it had all changed.

You’d not long been out of a bad relationship when Noah first text you and asked if you wanted to hang out, you knew what he wanted and at first you thought it was a good idea, help you move on from the last dickhead that you’d been with.

“Best way to get over a man is to get under one”

So you went.

After that night, Noah then wanted to date you, he’d asked to take you out for a meal but you’d politely declined as you wanted to stay single longer so you could heal but you spoke about being friends with benefits with him instead, something he was completely up for. Looking back, you had no idea of everything that was about to happen.

•••••

You were sitting on Noah’s sofa, a film was on in the background and Noah was cooking you both dinner.

“What do you think of this?”

Noah had walked back into the living room with his hand under a spoon, you wrapped your lips around it to taste his home made sauce for the chicken he was cooking.

“Oh my god, that’s amazing! Since when did you cook?”

He gave you a big smile and a cheeky wink as he replied “I’ve always loved cooking, it’s even better when I have someone to cook for”

You’d both be curled up on the sofa, eating his amazing food before you’d spend the rest of the night together in his bed.

Noah had this power of making you blush with every word he said, he always made you feel like you were the only woman in the world.

“You’re like no woman I’ve ever been with”

He’d text you first always, told you how he felt about you and that you were the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.

“Oh shut up!”

“I’m serious, I don’t know how I’ve got so lucky to be with someone as gorgeous as you”

The fact he’d accepted the friends with benefits over an actual date made you feel he would wait for you, that he completely understood that you needed time.

And let’s talk about the sex. The sex was like nothing you’d ever experienced before, he was such a pleasure dom, making sure you were completely satisfied again and again and again.

No man has ever made you feel the things that he did, he was willing to do everything with you.

“Whatever you want to to try, I’m down for it, even the weird shit”

“Weird shit? 😂”

“Any kinks you might not have tried because others think they are weird, I’ll do it all for you”

Noah always held you until you feel asleep, you fighting it, not wanting the night to end.

“Shhh, I’m here”

His fingers would gently caress your cheek while your eyes became heavy, feeling so warm and content in his arms

You’d wish you had longer, knowing that by morning, you’d both be going about your day and then never knowing when you’d see him again due to your schedules.

At some point, during the long into night deep chats, the dinner dates, the small details that Noah always remembered and done, you fell for him.

••••••

“Sorry I can’t today, busy in the studio”

That was it, it was so cold and blunt, there was no warmth in his messages anymore. Not that your heart allowed you to fully see it.

You felt the tears prick at the corner of your eyes as your heart became heavy and you felt the sinking feeling in your gut.

All of your friends have told you to leave him, that he’s making his feelings clear but every time you have tried to pull away, Noah always had the right words to say or a good excuse for his actions.

So you stayed.

And here you were, a shell of the person you used to be, when you first started this with Noah, you had such a spark in your eyes and you felt so happy.

Now, happiness with him was like a drug, he was like a drug. You knew he was bad for you, you knew he was killing you. But you couldn’t stop.

You stared at the screen, almost like your will alone could change the words. You scrolled up and saw it was much the same.

“Hey you about today?” “Sorry I’m working today”

“Fancy some dinner later?” “Maybe. I’ll text you in a bit”

Unless he messaged you…

“Hey baby, you free today? I miss you”

“Yeah I’m free, what do you fancy?”

“You 😏”

“Cheeky haha no seriously, what do you want to do?”

“Come to mine and hang out?”

You knew every time that it would lead to sex, you prayed it would, so you never said no to him.

You convinced yourself that he loved you as much as you loved him. Over the last year, you’d never felt anything like it before.

The only way you could describe it was that whenever you were with him, your soul felt at home. It didn’t matter what you were doing, you could be doing nothing and you were so contented to be around him.

You were always laughing together, you fitted together physically and just overall seemed like each other’s perfect partner.

You saw him for who he was, not this big rock star. You knew the rumours about him but you saw another side to him, a side he wouldn’t let many see. You knew he loved you deep down. Noah just struggled to show it because of his past.

You knew you shouldn’t make excuses for him, what’s the age old saying?

If a man truly wants to be with you then they won’t let a single thing come in between you.

And Noah gave you excuses most of the time, would take hours to reply and then blame it on work. You knew that wasn’t always true but you just accepted the behaviour because you’d fallen in love with him.

You’d fallen in love with the man who made you laugh until your belly hurt, who looked at you like you were the only other person in existence. Noah had recently said that he loved you back for the first time.

••••••

2 weeks ago, the last time you saw him in person.

You’d gone out for a few drinks with your friends and knew Noah was out already so you gave him the invite, not actually expecting him to show up in all honesty.

So when you arrived at the bar so see Noah stood there with your favourite drink next to his, your heart swelled within your chest.

The smile he gave you matched your own, his hug was so warm and for a moment, you felt like the whole world had stopped.

You sat down with your friends, both next to each other and clearly not paying attention to anything else around you other than each other.

In the words that your friend text you later….“A bomb could have gone off in that bar and neither of you two would have known, you couldn’t take your eyes off each other”

You both laughed and chatted all night, it only when you were outside getting some air that you decided to be honest.

“I love you Noah, I know you won’t say it back because you’re scared but I love you”

Noah stood and stared at you for a moment before he smiled and brushed your hair behind your ear.

“I love you too, always have”

The feeling in that moment was indescribable, the man you truly believed you were meant to be with had finally said those words back. He had finally admitted his true feelings.

The rest of the night you felt like you were walking on a cloud, you knew now that everything was going to be ok. All the heartache and loneliness before Noah had lead you up to this moment. To know it was all worth it.

You couldn’t stop smiling all night, even after he’d said that he needed to go, you gave him a big kiss and a hug and said that you couldn’t wait to see him again and finally start dating properly and have a relationship.

For Noah to ghost for you about a week, every message you sent was left unread, all the phone calls ignored.

Every time you felt your heart shatter, how could he do this? Surely not after he’d admitted he loved you? Who can do that?

Your friends were adamant that he was playing you and that you needed to block him.

You sat and cried your heart out, you drank your pain away and tried to find the answers at the bottom of a bottle, you’d do anything to numb the pain that you were feeling.

The feeling of having your whole future ripped away after just being given to you was soul destroying. You have hardly slept, hardly eaten. The weight was falling off your body as the days had turned into weeks.

It was only a few days ago that you’d finally had a response from him.

“Sorry been so busy with work, hope you’re ok”

But when you tried to arrange to see him, you got all the excuses once again. The never ending story of this game of cat and mouse.

You’d even confronted him about his behaviour.

“How could you tell me that you loved me to then ghost me? Who does that?”

“I wasn’t lying to you, I honestly have been busy, I can’t just drop everything for you”

You knew it was wrong, but you still wanted him, you craved him.

••••••

Sipping on the vodka in your glass was the only comfort for you at this moment. You’d text your best friend but of course just had the same old reply.

“Just block him, he’s made his feelings clear, he’s making a complete fool out of you”

You decided enough was enough, you’d walk over to his and see him in person, you couldn’t take this uncertainty anymore.

Walking to Noah’s was almost like a dream, but not the good kind, the feeling of dread was making you feel sick with every step, especially by the time you were outside his front door.

Taking a deep breath, you rung the doorbell, every nerve in your body on edge in preparation for the confrontation you knew was coming.

After a moment, you heard the sound of footsteps before the door swung open to reveal Noah’s tall frame.

“What are you doing here?”

You were sure you looked awful, dark circles around your puffy eyes, hair a mess.

“I needed to speak to you, can I please come in?”

Noah looked annoyed but stepped aside so you could enter.

“I haven’t got long, I’m going out soon”

Your chest became tighter at his words, the excuses already starting.

“Then just be honest with me Noah. What the fuck am I to you?”

He looked slightly shocked as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“You’re my friend y/n, I care a lot for you, you know that”

You couldn’t help but laugh bitterly.

“Do I? You told me you loved me and then ghosted me! No one is this fucking busy Noah! I’m tired of the games, I want you to be honest with me!”

The tears had already started, leaving a warm trail down your cheeks as you spoke.

Noah seemed to look anywhere but you, not able to meet your eyes as he answered.

“We have already been through this, I’ve just been busy”

“So you keep saying. May I remind you Noah that you originally chased me! You were the one who wanted to date, you were the one texting me and doing everything you could to make me fall for you! And now what? You just can’t be bothered anymore and don’t have the balls to tell me? You scared you’ll lose your booty call if you do?”

The last year was finally catching up with you, all the games and played feelings were coming to the surface, something you could clearly see was bothering Noah.

“Or are you too scared to actually commit because you’re frightened of getting hurt?”

“Are you for real? I’m not scared of anything!”

“Then why?!”

Noah throw his hands up in frustration and paced around.

“Because I don’t want to be with you! It’s that simple! You’re not the only girl I can have or have had! You’re a joke, you’re treating me like I’m your fucking boyfriend and I’m not, we were never dating!”

You stood in shock, how could he say that, although you never had an actual label, you’d been a couple in every way but the title and he knew that, he even wanted the two of you to be ‘exclusive to each other’.

But now it was starting to make sense, why he wouldn’t take it further.

“So you made me feel like I was the only woman for you, why? You told me that you loved me, said you wanted to be with me. Fucking hell, we even sat and told each other about all the dark shit in our pasts! You once said to me that I was the one person you never wanted to hurt!”

Noah’s face had become hard, a sign that he was shutting down from the conversation.

“And I didn’t. I’m not your boyfriend, I never have been and never will be. You’re making this all up in your head and you’re acting crazy. I’d like you to leave right now”

Your body was shaking and the tears wouldn’t stop falling as you stared at him. Your voice came out as barely a whisper.

“Where’s my Noah gone? My Noah would never have done any of this?”

Instead of answering, Noah simply opened the door, void of all emotion on his face. You stood in complete disbelief before you admitted defeat, your pride had already been shattered and you couldn’t take anymore.

You ran out of the door and kept running down his driveway. You collapsed at the corner of his road, the tears never stopping as your crying pulled your breath from your lungs.

You pulled out your phone and found Noah’s chat, the sinking feeling you had was confirmed when you’d tried to call but realised you’d been blocked.

You couldn’t wrap your head around it, your Noah, the man who made you feel so special and loved could never do this. Where was he?

•••••

The days turned into weeks, turned into months and the heartache never stopped.

Noah had ripped out your heart and broken you as a person. Your friend’s were always concerned for your mental state as you tried to navigate a life without him without any closure.

You didn’t see him again, unless it was online, but you knew he was just fine. Every time you saw his photo, he looked so happy and care free, he was living his dream, the band was starting to go viral and you knew this was only the beginning.

The rumours of who he was dating of course started to spread, each one like a knife to your heart.

You never got the closure your mind needed, you had to move on with no answers. Trying to piece yourself back together.

It was the hardest break up you’d ever gone through, and although others may say “well you weren’t actually together”

That was worse, he was the man you had completely fallen in love with, who never truly loved you back but made you feel like he did.

Noah was the one who never was.

[cupcakefactory]

Things mc would do for their depressed partner...aka all the rfa! or just saeyoung/saeran :D

Thank you so much for this!! i had a lot of fun writing it for you, i hope you enjoy. Our M/FLs need some love sometimes they can't always be strong!

Wordcount: 1637

Spoilers for Mystic Messenger below.

ZEN: 

It would be very rare for ZEN to get depressed, he was a positive person by nature and even when things got hard a simple run was normally enough to shake those feelings. The only time you could recall seeing ZEN depressed was when he hurt his leg and couldn’t rehearse; and the following actions from Echo girl after. Even then, he cheered up quickly, with help from yourself and Jumin Han.

That being that, it would be rare ZEN was depressed enough to need any assistance from you, but after being rejected from 3 jobs he had auditioned for he was starting to feel down in the dumps.

Cheering ZEN up is simple in some ways and complicated in others. First you need to actually discover he's feeling bad - he is an actor by trade. He doesn’t want to worry his partner with something that he feels is superficial but once you know how he's feeling you can start working on cheering him up. First thing first, you went to the convenience store to pick up his favourite drink and a snack - he normally gravitated towards salads but you brought him something sugary instead. Everyone craves sugar when depressed and Hyun Ryu wasn't the exception. Once you’d shared the treats you went for a run with him - if running isn’t your thing don’t worry, he would go slow for you to help you keep up. Maybe even just walking around your local park if that's all you can manage - he wouldn’t mind or complain. He could see how hard you're trying to cheer him up and that in itself works magic. 

By the time you both get home and collapse on the sofa all his worries are forgotten; another job would come before long. Thanks to your efforts today he learnt that he was the luckiest man alive because he got to have you by his side.

Yoosung Kim: 

Since dating Yoosung you had noticed he had a tendency to worry over things and try to be a hero always. He wouldn’t let you know if he was struggling - just like when he was attacked in mint eye and injured his eye! You had no idea it had happened until the party and you were almost impressed at how easily he hid it. 

Once you spent enough time together you learnt easily how to know when Yoosung was struggling, he had a habit of isolating himself a little and that was the case recently. He was so close to finishing college; and Jumin had told him if he passed with his expected grades he would personally help him open a vet clinic in Rika and Sally's honour. He was stressed and working himself to the bone to prove that he could do it. 

You felt his anxiety from afar when you visited his dorm; you got concerned with Luciel mentioned in passing that he hadn’t been on LOLOL recently - you knew why he was working so hard but it was important to take breaks too! When you arrived, you pulled him away from his work despite his protests and made him share the take out you had brought with you. A simple meal would do him some good, and after that you were able to convince him to play some games with you. 

By the time you both fell asleep next to each other on the sofa, he felt lighter and happier. The exams didn’t feel as looming with you by his side; and if he didn’t get the grades? You would be by his side and that's enough.

Jaehee Kang: 

Jaehee was a strong woman; no one would argue that - ever since she found her step and was able to leave C&R and ask you to be her partner she hadn’t had a reason to feel blue. You were her main help, you made her days better and working by your side was more than a dream come true. 

However, running a new business is hard work. Jaehee was a very talented lady, emails and numbers came easily to her thanks to her years of experience as Jumins assistant. The Cafe normally ran like clockwork; nothing went wrong except for the few times a delivery was late.. Until, multiple employees called in sick and Jaehee came home stressed and tired. She had worked herself to the bone and the only thanks she got was confrontation from the customers. 

You made her a drink when she got in, settling easily next to her on the couch where you let her head fall onto your shoulder. She stayed like that for a while before you stood - walking to the DVD collection in the corner and picking up one of her favourites. Zen's musicals always helped Jaehee after a hard day when she worked for Jumin, she could recount every word from her favourite ones now. Why wouldn’t it be any different working by herself?

After all - she had the best partner she could ask for. Who knew how to help her stay calm and knew what her favourite musical was after all.

Jumin Han: 

Jumin was taught from his childhood that his emotions didn’t matter. People worked tirelessly to try and impress him and get his praise, no one did anything for him simply because they wanted too until you came along. You came to his aid just because you wanted to make things easier for him and to help him smile again. 

That's what he loved about you; how you gave him a reason to feel again. You made his emotions feel more real than ever before. He felt he could be honest with you about all the struggles in his life. Work stress was something he simply shook off but after meeting you? He didn’t bother too anymore - you were his dear partner. He returned home that day tired, his eye bags heavy as he didnt even both greet Elizabeth before collapsing onto the sofa. He didn’t want to worry you but he was tired; more so than he realised. Once you had gave him some time to collect his thoughts you sat by his side, giving him a glass of wine and taking one for yourself if that's what you wished. Jumin would tell you his struggles in time - but right now he appreciated the quiet by your side. 

Your quiet breathing as he lay his head on your chest was more than enough noise to calm his racing mind, make him feel better and make everything make sense. He had never felt so lucky before.

Saeyoung Choi:

Saeyoung hid his depression behind laughter and jokes - you had worked that out quickly in the chatroom; and that had been proven when he came to your aid in the apartment. His jokey demeanour was gone; the sadness in his eyes obvious as he worked and even more so when his brother appeared.

Once everything setted and he had his family back, Saeyoung became more and more like Luciel. He joked all the time, teased everyone around him and this time it wasn’t to cover the hurt in his heart - it was to be himself for the first time in his life. Saeyoung had never been happier - but the rare times he did struggle with depression it wasn’t hard not to spot. He went quiet, isolated in his room until someone; normally you; came to check on him. He didn’t know how to tell you how he felt, he didn’t need to. You’d always be there to give him a drink and a shoulder to cry on. He didn’t want to talk about how he felt, the memories of his past destroying his future. He would simply cry on your shoulder and you'd stay there for him; for ever.

He knew how lucky he was, to get his family back for one but also to get to have you by his side. Someone who understood, who didn’t push too hard when things got hard and someone that would come to his side without a moment's warning. He didn’t need to ask you for help because you would offer it without even thinking - That was one of the things he loved most about you after all. 

Saeran Choi:

Saeran had all but escaped hell by the time he had a moment to process his own feelings. He didn’t really know what it felt like to be depressed because he had never been truly happy not until you came into his life and taught him it was okay to be him, to be human and to feel. 

He struggled with feeling, too caught up in the new found joy life had gifted him by having you at one side and his brother at the other. He had no reason to be depressed - but sometimes at night when everything got quiet and everyone was asleep he couldn’t stop his mind racing through everything in his life. Everything that had happened and everything that could happen. You heard him, every time he woke in a cold sweat and scared; he claimed your love cured him but you knew it couldn’t, this was no fairytale. You wanted to reach out and touch him, gently caress his hair to make him feel better but you wouldn’t not unless he asked for that as you knew your touch could be triggering. Instead, you hummed a gentle melody off you tongue which was able to ground him and make him feel better without the strain physical touch would cause. 

He knew how lucky he was to have picked you as his game tester, he knew that now more than ever - the gentle melody on your lips calming him and luring him back into sleep and away from the horrors his mind created.

If you enjoyed this please check out my masterlist! My requests are always open :D

[delulustateofmind]

Bad Luck

Yan!Mahito x Reader

Description: You bring home a blue worm, what could go wrong? 

TW: Mahito (that’s literally the only one you need), Noncon/dubcon, brief lactation kink, Yandere behaviors - just obsession, threatening to disfigure people, Somnophilia, overstim, teeny-tiny piss mention (listen I would piss myself if I saw Mahito’s creations), praise (towards mahito) 

MDNI

WC: 2.3k

A/n: I literally despise Mahito, but I just feel like he would be such a good horror yandere. The dude is spooky. Fair warning, I am not the most comfortable with writing smut, especially dark stuff like this, so it could be actually terrible, but I figured I would test the waters. There may be errors, as I got to shy to read my own smut.

Today was not the day. Everything seemed to unravel at once. First, you lost your job at that trendy new café—a small but lively spot you had started to actually enjoy—all because you spilled a drink on your now ex-boyfriend. He’d walked in holding hands with your best friend, their shared laughter and kissing had…struck a nerve with you, and before you knew it, your world tilted. Your scholarship? Gone, revoked due to an anonymous tip accusing you of plagiarism in your senior project. You were lucky they didn’t expel you, but the word “lucky” felt like a cruel joke.

The streets of Tokyo buzzed around you, a dizzying blend of neon lights and the chatter of hurried crowds. The rain started, cold and sudden, soaking through your clothes and chilling you to the bone. Great. No umbrella, no clear memory of where you’d left your bike. You shuffled through the rain, each step heavier than the last. The absurd thought flitted through your mind: maybe you should have reshared that Facebook post you saw years ago, the one that said, “Share if you love Jesus or ignore for ten years of bad luck.” Perhaps ignoring it had been your downfall. You’ll make a note for next time. 

After several minutes, you found your bike, its metal frame slick with rainwater. Just as you were about to sit down, you noticed something small and peculiar resting on the seat—a grayish-blue caterpillar, fuzzy and oddly mesmerizing with what seemed like patchwork markings. You’d never seen one like that before. Your first instinct was unexpected: maybe you should bring it home. If you left it here, it might get crushed by a passerby or snatched up by a bird. Or worse—maybe it was poisonous and someone else’s day would become just as disastrous as yours.

Carefully, you opened your empty bento box and placed the little creature inside. It seemed to squirm contentedly, almost as if it understood your intention. You opted not to close the lid, fearful it might suffocate. Gently, you set the box in the small basket of your bicycle and began the short ride home. Your apartment was only a few miles away, nestled in the heart of Kabukicho, Tokyo’s vibrant and infamous entertainment district. It wasn’t ideal—the clamor of nearby bars, the Yakuza lurking in shadowed alleys, piles of trash and drunks lining the streets—but it was the only place you could afford. And on most days, it felt safe enough.

You climbed the eight flights of stairs, each step more taxing than the last, breath hitching as you struggled to catch it. Maintenance had promised to fix the elevator months ago. By the time you reached your door, you were gasping, sweat and rain mixing on your skin. You looked down at the caterpillar. Or was it a worm now? Its form seemed more elongated, less distinct. It stared back at you, almost knowingly. The hairs on the back of your neck stood up. Perhaps the rain was already starting to give you a fever. You should have brought a jacket today. 

You blinked, shaking off the thought. You were exhausted. It had been a day of too many shocks, and your mind was playing tricks on you. That had to be it. Right? 

You found an old tank from that one fish you tried keeping alive, setting the worm, caterpillar, thing—whatever it was—inside. You placed a few leaves from your plants that were barely living. Perhaps a reflection of you in a sense, starting so bright in life only to wallow in self-deprecation. You placed the cover of the tank, giving the worm thing one last look before scrounging through your fridge for something besides leftovers.

You could always move back home.

Go back to your little small rural town, tend to the rice fields just like your parents. Marry some local boy.

You tried to wipe the tears before they could fall into your sad bowl of ramen, the running snot and the wails of your cries. Was this pack of ramen always this salty or was it your tears adding to it? You weren’t sure if you cared or not.

After your good little cry session, you passed out in bed. Unaware that you had made a huge mistake bringing home that silly little caterpillar.

You awoke in the middle of the night to a heavy weight on your waist. Was your stuffed animal always this heavy? You blearily looked up, eyes adjusting to the darkness of the room. Your heart nearly stopped in your chest when your gaze was met with a cruel smile, teeth white and unsettlingly human, glistening in the dim light.

Cold terror seeped into your veins. The figure looming over you was not human. Its eyes were black voids, bottomless pits reflecting nothing but curiosity. The skin, pale and stitched together like a mangled corpse.

Was this how you die? At the hands of some nightmare made flesh? Maybe you should have reblogged that post. Maybe you should have sent that money to that Nigerian prince you thought was a spam email.

“Hello,” the voice giggled, a mockery of warmth twisted by an unnatural echo. The creature tilted its head, gray hair that was partially braided spilling to the side. Its markings, dark and jagged like stitches. You suddenly remembered the caterpillar, and your stomach roiled with dread.

“Did you bring me home to play?” it whispered, voice lilting with a sickening glee. The grin widened impossibly, the teeth remaining unsettlingly human. The creature’s eyes glistened with delight as it fed on the raw, unfiltered terror etched across your face.

“I’m so glad you did,” it cooed, fingers like talons skimming across your cheek with a touch too cold, too calculated. Suddenly, it giggled again—a sound both childlike and unsettling, as if a child were delighted by their favorite toy—and clapped its hands. “We’re going to have so much fun! Let’s see how long you can scream,” it said, eyes sparkling with manic glee.

Suddenly, Mahito’s expression softened, taking on an eerie, almost affectionate look. He traced your jawline with a gentler touch, tilting his head with an unsettling innocence. “But you’re special,” he murmured, as if sharing a secret. “You brought me here, after all. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll keep you.”

The room spun as confusion and fear filled your mind. The monster’s gaze shifted from playful to possessive, a twisted sort of fondness darkening his features. He pressed his forehead against yours, the unnatural coldness of his skin seeping into you.

“You’re mine now,” Mahito whispered, a mockery of affection that sent chills racing down your spine. “And I protect what’s mine.”

The next few months were hell. You found out that only you could see Mahito. Something about him being a curse or something. At times, he would remind you that you were lucky that he liked you. He’d remind you by dragging you to witness his “experiments,” humans grotesquely twisted into unrecognizable forms, clawing at the damp walls of a forgotten sewer.

“This could be you,” he cooed so playfully, pressing a few light kisses to your neck as your eyes widened in horror at the sight before you. You trembled, unable to look away from the writhing, desperate figures.

“But you’re so pretty, I just… I just love you,” Mahito giggled, an almost boyish smile splitting his face as he looked at you, eyes brimming with a twisted sincerity. His arms wrapped around your waist, a possessive embrace that felt more like a shackle.

“You take such good care of me, y/n,” he whispered, the words sending shivers down your spine as the grotesque chorus of agony continued around you. The contrast between his gentle tone and the grotesque scene made your stomach churn. You knew there was no escaping him—not now, not ever

“Mahito... can we go home?” you rasped, voice trembling as his teeth grazed your neck, leaving a stinging mark in their wake. The sensation sent a shiver down your spine, but you bit back a cry.

“Go home...?” His voice took on a mocking, airy tone as he nuzzled against your skin. “I was going to join you at the university today. I need a few more shrunken experiments, you know? I was thinking about picking that one girl who sits next to you. The one who always compliments your outfits.” His hand slipped under your shirt, his touch cold and insistent as he left another bruising kiss on your collarbone.

“She should’ve known you were mine,” he giggled, the sound innocent and jarring as he toyed with your vulnerability. His hand made its way to your chest, and a shocked, playful laugh escaped his lips. “No bra? My, my, you spoil me…”

His eyes glistened with delight, a twisted mix of childlike excitement and sadistic pleasure. “Remember when you used to run away? I miss those days... I miss scaring you with my experiments. But I also love when you let me touch…”

Mahito’s lips quivered in a deranged smile, as his fingers found your nipples. Twisting and pulling until milk begins to dampen your shirt.The tips of his fingers becoming sticky with your milk. A giggle escaped his lips “I was so lucky this alteration to your body took…I was nearly worried it was going to kill you in the process….messing with brains can be hard” he whined the past few words as he continued to milk you, staining your poor blouse with each tug and pull. The only thing that filled the room was the sound of your sweet moans and the horrors that were monsters clawing the walls. You felt sick as slick began to coat your thighs, something that could be mixed with piss from the sight around you and the arousal building up from your sensitive buds being toyed with, to the point where they ached. 

You practically whimpered in his grip. Clawing at the arm that held you to his chest. 

“I love you,” he continued, his voice dripping with twisted delight, the words flowing out in a sing-song manner. “Say it back and we’ll go home…okay?” His smile, stretched wide and near-manic, sent a chill down your spine as he watched you wither under his touch.

“Hah…I…” The words caught in your throat, lodged behind the growing bile threatening to choke you. You forced them out, pushing past the terror and the nausea that gripped you as your eyes darted to his grotesque creations, their hands clawing desperately at the walls of the forgotten sewer. “I love…you…” The phrase broke into fractured sobs, each one echoing in your mind, barely masking the sound of Mahito’s gleeful laughter as he swept you up into his arms.

“That’s my girl! See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?” he chirped, the cheerfulness in his voice a sickening contrast to the horror around you. Your body tensed, but you forced yourself to relax, leaning into his chest. They were once people, weren’t they? 

As your vision blurred, exhaustion pulled you under, your mind swirling with nightmares of those poor, wretched things clawing and pleading in the darkness. 

You weren’t sure how long you were out for, your mind hazy, you felt like you had a fever as you panted. You blinked away the sleep, feeling a pool of heat between your legs and you could hear…moans? Everything felt so hot…so messy. 

“Give…give me one…more” Mahito whined with each and every breath. Has he been?…The soreness hit you first, you felt so raw. You watched at the pale creature pathetically humped the bed like a bitch in heat. “I was a good boy…right? Right? I waited…so that way you could enjoy it too…” His dead eyes looked up at you, expecting some sort of praise for his deranged actions. You hoped that you could mask the horror on your face, right before, he curled his fingers deep inside you causing you to squirm. 

“Hah…I memorized your body…while you were asleep…if I touch you here” you nearly screamed out of pleasure, your body compulsing as you saw stars, your eyes rolling back of your skull, You were just so overstimulated. “It will make you climax within seconds…so I figured I would keep hitting that spot until you wake up” He smiled as he licked your clit, circling his long tongue around the sensitive nub that caused a guttural moan to slip out of your lips. “Then this little thing causes your legs to shake…must feel good right? All red and puffy” he continued licking up and down, side to side. Spelling out his name until you were spilling out curses from your lips. His fingers kept curling around that sweet spot that was located deep inside of you. The sounds that filled the room, made your stomach tighten in knots. You shouldn’t be feeling this….good. 

You peeked down at him, the way he looked up at you like a lovesick bitch in heat. He enjoyed this a little too much you could tell. 

“Tell me, I’m a good boy, please…please” He moaned as he continued to fuck himself against your bed. “Y/n…I’m your good boy…” he whined in between licks. “I cleaned you up and everything…hah…you were just so messy…couldn’t…help myself.” 

You forced the words out in between labored breaths.

“You’re…a good….boy” After that final word, pleasure clashed into you. Your hips moved involuntarily as you squirted on his face, earning a large, cruel smile from his lips as he licked at the sweet juices in between muttering Thank you and I love you. You were thankful you passed out. Not wanting to know what else he had in store for you tonight. 

Perhaps hell would be better than this.

[beelanddiavolosimp-blog]

Hiiii! Here's a scenario, so its a day in devildom and MC touches a forbidden book and gets trapped inside it for 2 weeks. I swear the bros will go ✨️frenzy✨️. Luv your writings ^_^

Hello! This is something I feel like MC would definitely do in game. Thank you for enjoying my writing as well!

*context/backstory*

You feel amazed as you roam the halls of the library within the castle. There were books of every genre and topic on top of anything you would even think to question about devildom deep inside. You were just browsing out of boredom. Your eye catches a quite pretty book. It had gems all along it's sides giving a sort of glow to it. You look around for a certain butler demon before suddenly grabbing the book and opening it. The first page read 'Curiosity killed the cat' and you were suddenly sucked inside the book. What a drag.

Lucifer

He was the first to learn of your disappearance. He instantly put his hand on his forehead and let out a heavy sigh. He knew his brothers would be unbearable without you around. He tried to maintain order but couldn't exactly do that without you by his side. He would never admit it but he came to be dependent on your presence. He found himself going back into his old ways of not sleeping and being more snappy to his brothers without meaning to. He tried to busy himself with work but within the second week he felt himself growing even more tired than he was. He even held his face how you would have craving you that much his pride be damned.

Mammon

Well as soon as he heard he immediately went to the castle and demanded that barb do something about you. After a long argument he didn't gain a solution since barb couldn't bring you back due to the books non-existent past or future knowledge. He immediately sulked wherever he was at. His happy go lucky energy completely drained from him. He would be a whining mess at home. He eventually couldn't take much more and left to the castle talking to the book as if it were you.

Levi

He at first was like "Oh this happened in one of my favorite anime's!" Then he immediately felt extremely sad. He was a loner usually but felt himself craving your presence. He holed himself in his room even more so than usual. Not going down for breakfast, lunch or dinner. He even asked Lucifer for chores within the house walls so he wouldn't have to leave. Even missing his anime conventions since they just didn't feel the same with you gone.

Satan

Him being himself immediately searched his library for a way to get you back. When he found himself surrounded by books with no direct solution he found himself hopeless. He reverted back to his old ways alike his older brother. His temper wasn't as bad as before but the smallest things would get him so annoyed and irritated and he became more snappy as well. He started to read romance books thinking of him and you in them. He always felt sadness even when with cats just because it wasn't you who was with him.

Asmos

Once he learned of your disappearance as well he immediately stormed to Lucifer and begged him to find a solution. You two were supposed to go on a shopping spree! He started to hide out in his room finding himself less and less energetic and not craving people's attention only wanting yours. He even skipped certain beauty things he would never dare to do. He also wore less flashy things and more his pretty pink pajamas all over the house not finding the energy to do anything else like he usually does.

Beel

He was obviously very saddened but as always he didn't say much. He tried to go about his day but once he went into the kitchen finding one of the brothers making dinner and not you he actually didn't feel that hungry for food. He did eat of course but not his usual amount he actually wanted to go to his room where he could hold the plushie you gave him. It smelled of you and he didn't like being away from it for long. He did keep up with his normal lifestyle but his stoic nature was broken as it was obvious he was upset to whomever passed him by whether it was his brother's or strangers. He missed you so so badly.

Belphie

He actually was fully awakened when he learned of your disappearance. He immediately went to watch the stars remembering the one you two shared and staring at it until he fell asleep. He actually slept less and less craving things such as your clothes for your scent or your blankets and pillows. Eventually he just laid in your bed and hoped he would wake up and find you beside him. He would whine to Lucifer that everyday is getting harder without you and that he needs to fix it not accepting that there isn't a solution. Beel often times has to calm him down and they have to find comfort in each other both just repeating how much they miss you to one another.

[0mysticmidnight0]

Do you have any head cannons for Yandere! turtles x Reader with mood swings? Mood swings are abrupt changes in mood/emotional state :D

Note: Amazing request, I am a little rusty for writing the turtles since I have not posted about them for a while.. BUT! I will give my all. I'll be doing them individually!

--------------------------------------------------

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LEO

- There's two sides to him in this case..

- What I mean is.. when he's feeling up to it, he'll tease you. If anything he could tease you for hours on end. The whole day if he could. Sometimes it goes too far and he'll have to apologize. It's not always easy for him, but he still does it.

- he can be a bit.. much sometimes but when he sees you getting angry or feeling sort of negative emotion, he'll be quick to turn your frown upside down.

- He also finds it funny whenever you could go from being happy to weeping so quickly..

------------------------------------

You were looking at the bowl you dropped onto the floor. The whole day you were acting like clutz.. tripping three times on your way here.. walking into a glass door.. and slipping on some very questionable goo in the sewers, today was just NOT your day..

Before you could blow a fuse, Leo stepped in and hugged you from behind. "Ayy.. Mi Amor, you've been off your game lately, guess I wouldn't mind going out of my way to take of this mess, being the world's best boyfriend and all.. ", he says while nuzzling into the crook of your neck.

"Plus, that bowl was old anyway.. It was bound to break at some point. You were doing us a favor. How bout I clean this up and we can watch that show you like?" He shoos you off to the couch while he cleaned up the mess.

While you watched a movie.. You were crying for while because your favorite character died and proceeded to yell at the the projector while Leo held you back. He loves you to bits.

--------------------------------------------------

RAPH

- I feel like he'd always want you to feel a positive emotion, he'll sorta panic when you feel something negative.. probably start gentle parenting you..

-it annoys you a bit but he really doesn't know what to do that he goes to his default settings.

-would probably panic one time and just hug you very tightly. It surprisingly calmed you down.

------------------------------------

So you got upset at a bad test/quiz you failed that you've studied all night for.. Raph didn't know what to do.. so he sorta.."Y/N I understand you're upset.. how about we start counting to 6, okay..?" He says as he shows you his six fingers. "alright, one.. two three.. breathe in.." (someone tell me I'm funny..)

He gives you a smile and then Practically smothers you with kisses and cuddles.. in his fort of teddy bears!! After a while when you've calmed down, he'll ask if he did a good job.. He loves you to bits.

--------------------------------------------------

DONNIE

- he does try to stay on your good side but most of the time, he's just looking for a fight.

-if you're angry, he'll argue with you, it's a good way to challange himself. He will apologize after.. not verbally.<3

--------------------------------------------------

After a while of hanging out, You were bored and well, Donnie suggested a certain game.. "Y/N, that's not how chess works.." he says while pointing out your move. You glare at him. He was constantly correcting you and every moved he'd say things like.. ",Are you sure?" Or "Yikes.."

Proceed to after a long argument.

It's been a few hours of ignoring him.m a day or two actually and in the late of night, you heard something.. when you turned, you saw your window open and then,

You saw a note saying you weren't entirely wrong. And your newly fixed phone you broke a few days ago. He loves you to bits.

--------------------------------------------------

MIKEY

- He's always in a positive mood so he's a bit surprised but also intrigued? He'd check and know which things trigger you and avoid them.

- you didn't realize but you were always in a positive mood when you were with Mikey.

--------------------------------------------------

You were playing in the arcade with Mikey and you kept losing round after round. After around. "Y/N, are you okay? How about we go play again but then again you might lose again- NO! I mean- let me make you something! Sit down and uhh, I'll be quick to make something! Wait you hate waiting.. I'LL BE QUICK!"

You tugged him closer to you and held him. After a small confrontation about what's going on.. he admitted to not wanting to trigger your negative Emotions.. you explained that it was healthy and normal. he loved you to bits.

--------------------------------------------------

Hope you enjoyed!

Yours truly,

MysticMidnight

[tarbuchyloewenthal]

i loved and hated dragon age: the veilguard???

apologies for the extended rant i'm about to go on.

i loved being back in thedas after 10 years, and i loved that final scene with solas. the emotional beats hit just right in that moment.

i loved to absolutely annihilate groups of enemies with arcane bomb popping off every five seconds.

i loved almost all of my companions' arcs. they had so many moments of genuine pathos.

yet all these barely made up for my growing frustration throughout the game at the dialogue and dialogue system, the repetitive quest design, and narrative focus.

this game shares pretty much all the features that i hated when i first played mass effect 3 all those years ago. from the opening of the game skipping everything except the most minimal story set up in favor of bombastic cinematics to the extensive use of auto dialogue taking away the feeling that i had control of my player character.

bioware has apparently gotten into the bad habit of thinking the set up at the beginning of a story is unimportant. i hated starting off with a bang in mass effect 3. i hated it in inquisition. and i hate it now in veilguard. to me it feels like narrative malpractice to forgo the most vital part of the story. only getting a slickly animated cutscene to set the scene in the story instead of any actual attempt to know rook and their relationships with varric, harding, and the world at large really put me off.

the large amounts of auto dialogue only exacerbated my frustration. mass effect 1 (and 2 to a slightly lesser extent) made the dialogue wheel and voiced protagonist feel like an actual evolution of their previous dialogue systems in kotor and jade empire (and origins even though that came out after). i felt like i had actual input. conversations flowed like rpg conversations had always flowed. but in veilguard conversations feel way too passive, only needing my input when the game wanted me to add a small dash of emotional flavor to the conversation or the ever present binary choice for major story moments.

that's not to say bioware didn't write in a lot of reactivity. there's an absurd amount of unique dialogue depending on lineage and faction choices, but i, as the player character, never felt like i was in the drivers seat for any of it.

it made my rook feel completely disconnected from the story they were ostensibly the protagonist of, like they manifested into existence mere seconds before showing up to the bar in minrathous.

and the quests, individually well paced, all mainly followed the same formula of walk down a path, grab loot from side paths, fight some enemies, and listen to your companions talk all the while. part of why i like rpgs is the feeling that i'm inhabiting a world that revolves around more than combat and puzzles for loot. even if that's mostly what video game rpgs boil down to at the end of the day, it's the illusion of that which sells me on the game world. when all your quests involve that same formula, it flattens the game world to nothing but a combat arena. which, to be fair, i felt was a problem all the way back in mass effect 2, as well.

i also didn't like how all the lore reveals flatten nearly all the setting's mysteries down to solas and the evanuris. they were really neat in isolation, but taken together they kind of hollowed out the world.

ok, so i'm tiring even myself out by now, so i'll just mention in passing the relentless and unnecessary expository dialogue, as if the writing team didn't trust the cinematics team to get across literally any information (i'm looking at you bellara on the approach to d'meta's crossing).

this rant gives off the impression that i didn't really enjoy veilguard, but i did. it's just that the things it does well are what you expect from bioware, and the things i find issue with have become a bit of an unfortunate pattern from the studio. the game was so good, but it could have been so much better.

[irondad-defensesquad]

EDIT: Also posted on AO3!

--

Peter wakes up late.

Arguably, it’s the weekend. Even then, he’s not someone who sleeps until afternoon. Mainly because someone wakes him for breakfast and to get through the day. And on some weekends, he even has breakfast in bed.

It’s 12 PM when he opens his eyes, hearing no noises out of his room.

Indeed, when he gets out of bed, Peter doesn’t find any signs of life in the Compound. Breakfast is not set. And as far as he’s concerned, no one is in the workshop, for he cannot hear any loud rock music coming from it.

“Um… F.R.I.D.A.Y?” Peter looks at the ceiling. “Where’s Mr. Stark?”

“Boss is currently in a series of meetings. He’ll be back by the evening. He said there’s coffee ready, and food in the fridge to heat up.”

“Oh.”

The boy realizes he’s still wrapped by his blanket, as Peter hugs it close.

“Would you like me to call Boss?” F.R.I.D.A.Y asks.

“No, no, I just wanted to know. Thanks.”

“You can let me know if you need him.”

“It’s okay, F.R.I.D.A.Y.”

She doesn’t insist. The house goes silent again.

He wants her to come back.

But he doesn’t say that.

So, Peter goes on with his day. He eats his cereal and he doesn’t mix the coffee with milk like he usually does. He doesn’t like black coffee like Tony does… but it doesn’t feel wrong this time. Peter tries sending messages to Ned and MJ, but they both have plans for today so they won’t be able to talk much today. Aunt May is out of town, hence why Peter is staying over. She does ask if everything is okay, and Peter reassures her he’s fine. May tells him to count on Tony with anything he needs.

Peter just sends her a smiling emoji.

He decides not to talk to Karen. One, putting his suit in the Compound for no reason other than to chat with someone is weird. Second, she would certainly let Tony know, and his mentor would immediately tell something is wrong.

Peter goes to the workshop. He greets DUM-E. As much as he loves the little bot, DUM-E only beeps and Peter has not yet figured out his language. The arachnid doesn’t have anything to fix on his suit. He asks F.R.I.D.A.Y if Tony needs any help with his projects (his mentor has given him permission to help him out if he wants). But apparently, there isn’t anything to be fixed.

Right. Nothing in the workshop, then.

Peter tries watching TV. He doesn’t really focus. He checks his phone but there aren’t any new messages. His friends are too busy for him. Time is passing very slowly. It’s not even mid afternoon and Tony will take forever to come back.

Finally, he goes back to his room. He needs to get his math homework done, anyway. Peter gets his earphones ready and he starts reading the book, his notebook page blank, waiting for his train of thought.

Except the music is too distracting. Even if he lowers the volume, it doesn’t help. But if he pauses it entirely, Peter’s thoughts are going to scream louder.

His notebook judges him. The words and instructions in his book don’t make sense. Even though Peter re-reads over and over again, they only get more confusing, and he loses more patience, as his head pounds.

Ask for help, a little voice says inside him.

Help for what? Homework?

It’s not just homework.

But it’s not important.

Everyone has better things to do.

Peter growls, breaking his pencil in half with a lot of ease, then dropping the meaningless pieces on the floor. He can’t bring himself to fix it or simply throw in the garbage. It’s just a stupid pencil anyway.

His book is slowly consumed by teardrops.

Countless.

Like it’s raining right in it.

Only Peter is the big storm cloud that can’t make it stop. That can’t do the most basic of things.

He can’t take it anymore.

He sobs. A lot. Loud.

It probably echoes in the penthouse.

People won’t hear it, though.

Peter covers his eyes, now wetting his hands instead of the book. The music is still playing and it’s mocking him. You’re stupid. You’re useless. You can’t do anything right.

He cries for a good couple of minutes. It only grows louder and more painful. Peter doesn’t know why he’s like this. He can handle things alone. He has always handled everything on his own and he never broke down like this. Why is he like this now?

The emptiness around him is engulfing him. It’s empty like his apartment when Uncle Ben died. Peter couldn’t sleep for days when it happened. Mostly because he was distracted trying to save other people’s lives, to prevent another tragedy from happening.

But there’s no one to save.

Peter is trapped.

He can’t do this.

He can’t do this.

He can’t…

…

Someone is knocking on the door.

“Peter?”

Suddenly, he’s back in the bedroom, the book and notebook are just… school objects. They aren’t saying anything.

Peter is too shocked to even open his mouth.

“Peter, I’m coming in.”

Shit. Fuck.

The boy hides himself, turning away from the door, also using his arm to try and pretend the tears aren’t there.

“M-Mr. Stark! I thought- Why”– the teen gulps, unsure what to say that won’t blow his cover. He fears he’s failed anyway –“What’re you doing here?”

“F.R.I.D.A.Y called me, she said you needed me.”

Even though Tony doesn’t sound annoyed in the slightest, Peter only feels pathetic and ashamed of the last three words.

“Y-You didn’t have to come here, Mr. Stark.”

He senses Tony approaching.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” the man patiently requests.

“I don’t know! Something is wrong with- with my brain!” Peter lashes out. He hates himself for that. Despite that, Tony doesn’t get angry. “I tried to distract myself but there was nothing to fix in the lab, TV didn’t help, and not even my stupid homework helps because I’m stupid-!”

“Hey, hey, hey…” Tony is kneeling down next to him. “You’re not stupid. It’s okay.”

Peter cries again with the other’s soft voice. “I can’t do anything, Mr. Stark.”

“That’s okay. You just need a break, kiddo.”

“Yeah, but…”

It’s not just a break that he needs.

“... what’s the point if I’m just gonna be alone?”

Tony gently places a hand on Peter’s arm. The boy finally looks back at him.

“I’m here. You’re not alone.”

“But what about your meetings? They must be more important.”

“You’re more important to me, Pete.”

He knows that, doesn’t he?

Why does it make Peter emotional anyway?

Regardless, Tony throws away the broken pencil for him.

“Come on, buddy,” he calls him, standing on his feet but waiting for Peter to follow him. Actually, he wants Peter to lead the way.

That way, the two end up at the couch. The TV is on and Peter couldn’t care less about what’s airing. Tony grabbed his blanket and wrapped him up in a burrito. Even though he’s wearing an expensive suit, he hugs Peter close and he starts telling him about the meetings today and how boring they were. He also talked shit about some of the people he had to debate with.

For the first time today, Peter smiles, at peace.

Everything is alright now.

[veryaren]

Hello! I'm quite new to the idv fandom, and I was wondering why luchinini is so popular among many? No hate or anything like that towards it, I'm just curious!

welcome. it is batshit in here be prepared. AS FOR YOUR QUESTION.... I actually don't know. for me it's the character dynamic. I think they fit together well as far as complimenting eachother. antonio is a romantic hedonist who lives to love and be loved. and luchino is. WELL. other than being a freak for reptiles. a logistical sort with a great curiosity and an even GREATER penchant for sating that curiosity. other people might have different reasons!!!!!!!!!! I just think personality wise they compliment each other well. It's popularity (i say that lightly) could honestly potentially be attributed to the fact they're both Italian. WHICH IS KIND OF FUNNY. a lot of ships are very random here anyway so I wouldn't be surprised lol

[mcalhenwrites]

Still alive, writing and editing a lot and even drawing (mostly dragon sketches at work). Seasons has some new chapters now... I saw something earlier about writing being something you can hone by doing lots of reading and writing. I wonder when that will apply to me. I've read a lot of books this year. I have almost hit my goal of 90 books, and while a couple are nonfiction and half are comics, the rest are novels. I expect that to increase again, now that I'm going back to the library. (I stopped with the bed bug scare.) Then I'm setting aside time each week to write. I work on stories at work, even if it's mostly just planning. (My laptop is falling apart so I just gave up taking it to work.) Yet here I am, still the same idiot who doesn't have anything appealing enough for most people to read. I can't get 99% of my followers interested. Sales of Geckos have dropped to next-to-nothing. Nothing else I put out there matters either. The fault lies with me. I'm not good enough. After having this stupid blog for 12 years, I want to delete it. I want to delete my twitter account. I want to delete every single account and shut up for good. There is nothing I can offer. My writing is a good hobby for me. I can get pats on the head for doing a little thing for myself. Aww, look at the cute little dumbass adult doing wittle storwies!!! Isn't that silly!!! They're not good, but he's having fun during the process. Too bad he hasn't figured out that not even 39 more years of practice can save what he's handing out.

[medicinemane]

Should make a pain killer that actually kills (or even touches) pain

[icewindandboringhorror]

recent things

[autistic-shaiapouf]

What do you mean I have to get up and do the work if I wanna try to make money <- guy who has been doing work nonstop and needs to give it a fucking rest