#i was a mentally ill child

[moonsghostwriter]

Types of Yanderes

The different archetypes of yanderes in media

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Mentions of Murder, Suicide/Self-Harm and Domestic Violence

•Mugai-gata: The Harmless Type

"As long as they're happy, I'm happy"

The most harmless type of yandere, the one where they've fallen in love in an unhealthy, obsessive way, but they don't do anything insane about it. They'll try hard to become your partner, but won't harm anybody in the way. If you get a partner, they won't attack you two, they'll be happy you found happiness, and maybe still have hope that you choose them in the end.

•Kanchigai-gata: The Wrong-Idea Type

"They gave me an eraser...they must like me!"

They get the wrong idea when you do something in order to match their expectations. If you say you don't love them, they'll think you're lying because you don't want to hurt them or something. If you do something out of kindness to them, they'll think it's out of love. And so on.

•Shuuchaku-gata: The Obsessive Type

"I sent you 50 messages, why didn't you answer? Where were you? What were you doing?"

Tries to learn everything about you. Personal info, hobbies, routine, etc. Sends regular messages to check on you, asks why you haven't answered if you didn't, wants to know what you're doing always. All the time. And, if possible, walks around with you all the time too.

The obsession type doesn't necessarily want to monopolize you. They'll let you hang around with friends, etc. but wants to know everything you do. They probably want to go with you, too. If they can't go somewhere with you, they might stalk you.

If they learn a person is too close to you, they might attack.

•Sutookaa-gata: The Stalker Type

Follows you around, often without you knowing. May be in broad daylight or at night, when you're walking alone on the streets. Maybe even online. A person of this type is also often of the obsessive type.

•Dokusen-gata: The Monopoly Type

"Why were you talking to them? I thought I told you not to talk to them."

They want to monopolize you. Will ask who you talk to and hang with, in extreme cases won't let you be with anyone else, not even your friends.

This type of behavior is unfortunately common in real life. It displays insecurities and lack of trust in the relationship which might develop into much worse yandere behavior.

•Ison-gata: The Dependent Type

"Where are you going? Are you leaving me? Please don't leave me, I need you! I can't live without you!"

Can't live without you. Begs you to not leave them or throw them away. Says they will die if you go away. May lose will to do anything if you aren't watching. If you do leave, they might go full crazy and end up doing something crazy like going on a murderous rampage or something.

•Touei-gata: The Projection Type

"You're just like them."

After their former love turned out to be a completely different person than they loved, or got a partner, or died, or something like that, and they can no longer stay with them, they searched for someone who was just like what their love was, and they found you.

This type of of yandere is very innocent at first, but if they're given power to dominate their new beloved, they might end up trying to make them more and more like what their old interest was. For example, wearing the same things, doing the same things, etc.

Sometimes, they might project her ideal lover not on someone else but on same person. That is, they might say "you are not them, they do this," to you even though you actually are them and you don't do "this."

•Shoushitsu-gata: The Disappearance Type

"They'll never love me, so what's the point in living?"

They love you, maybe you know that, maybe you don't, but unknown this gives them a crushing depression. They think you'll never love them and they have no chance, but they can't stop their unhealthy feelings of love. They think you're too good for them, or that they're too worthless for you. This makes them slowly fade away, disappear from your life. Until they snap and kill themself

This is an atypical yandere since it has so little effect on other characters' lives.

•Shuumatsu-gata: The Final Type

"I don't need a world where they don't exist."

After learning that you died or you left them, they lose purpose in life. The world for them was you, and you're now gone. What this results in varies. Most of the time, they become broken emotionally, as expected. They might also kill themself, or sometimes, they might destroy the world that let you die/"took you away from them", or just go on revenge killing spree.

•Boruyoku-gata: The Violent Type

"I'm hurting you? That's too bad, I told you not to do that!"

When jealous, feeling ignored, etc. uses violence against you. They'll beat you and say it's your fault. This can be either discharging pent-up rage through violence and you just happen to be their favorite punching bag, or deliberately punishing you for doing something they didn't like.

Both cases, unfortunately, are also common in real life.

•Haijo-gata: The Removal Type

"You don't need other people. You have me."

They will remove from your life everyone they think you don't need. Which means everyone else. This can include things like excluding your contacts and messages to even murdering everybody who approaches.

This type of yandere has two sub-types:

First, the one that removes people secretly. They see you hanging with someone, the next day that person has mysteriously disappeared. You are probably as clueless as a sheet blank paper about this incident, and the next several incidents like it.

Second, the one that removes people openly. This also ranges from removing messages to killing people. They might be expecting you agree with them, "yeah, you're right, I don't need other people," or they might just want to show you what they're capable of.

•Shinjuu-gata: The Double Suicide Type

"Let's be together forever!"

Why be always together in life if you can be forever together for all eternity? This type of yandere will propose what no sane person would: let's die!

Sadly, suicide pacts are a thing. Double suicide, lovers' suicide, too, is a thing. One of the most famous pieces of literature, Romeo & Juliet, sort of ended up in a double suicide.

One thing different in an yandere double suicide is that, often, you don't really want to die. It's more like they want you both dead and they'll kill you then themself. Although there are also actual consensual attempted double suicides involving yandere.

•Jiko-gisei-gata: The Self-Sacrifice Type

"I would die for you."

They'd make any sacrifice for you, as long as it means getting you to love them. They don't even mind dying for you or fighting bloody battles, sustaining multiple injuries, etc. as long as it means staying with you.

Unlike the self-harm type, the self-sacrifice type isn't seeking attention with their suicidal behavior. Instead, they want to make themself useful and support the one they love.

This is easier to visualize in anime where fighting monsters, etc. is normal. However, this kind of sickness also exists in real life. Some people do sacrifice themselves for a beloved one in an extremely unhealthy and unrewarding way, just because they "love" them.

•Suuhai-gata: The Worship Type

"I would do anything you ask of me, I am devoted to you."

They worship you and will do anything for you. Sometimes even without you asking. And more: they don't even mind if you love them or not, or what will happen to them. Killing, dying, committing crimes, losing respect of others, they'll do anything if it means providing support to your infinite greatness.

This is one of the least-harmful type of yandere since they would never do anything to harm you and will never be in your way. Nonetheless, it's also one of the most depressing types; it makes you feel sorry for the yandere, who thinks of themself less like a person and more like a tool who might get thrown away if they're not useful enough.

The difference between the "worship" type and the "self-sacrifice" type is that the "worship" type is also like the "disappearance" type. The "self-sacrifice" type wants to be useful so they can be loved, the "worship" type doesn't mind if they are not loved back, in fact, they probably thinks they are not worth being loved by the delusive greatness they consider you.

They wouldn't, for example, attack your partner or other people out of jealousy, but they might attack a person approaching you because they think the person is stepping out of your boundaries and being presumptuous by daring talk to your greatness without proper respect.

•Choukyou-gata: The Training Type

"Say you love me... come on, say it. Say you love me. SAY YOU LOVE ME! Good! Here's your reward."

The word choukyou was once only about training animals or breaking animals. In modern times, it's also used in BDSM contexts, dominate training submissive. It has nothing to do with training for sports.

They'll break you into loving them.Sometimes using torture, a punishment/reward system, brainwashing, etc. This probably involves you getting kidnapped and forced into it, although there might be more subtle ways to accomplish this.

•Koritsu yuudou-gata: The Loneliness-Inductive Type

"Shh it's alright. You didn't need them anyways. I'm here, you can always count on me."

They will make, induce, or force you to feel or be alone. By spreading malicious rumors about you that make others alienate you, by murdering your friends and family, etc. Then they'll jump in and present themself as the only one you can count on when you're most fragile mentally and in need of company.

Inducing things that don't make you feel lonely but give some sort of mental damage, trauma, also count as this type. Conversely, if your friends and family get killed on their own and you're alone but they had nothing to do with it, it's not the same thing since they didn't induce it, although an yandere might abuse your condition to get closer to you.

This type is similar to the "dependence" type, except it's not the yandere that's to become dependent on you, it's you that's to become dependent on the yandere.

•Kyouki-gata: The Bizarre-Seeking Type

"I love you, so... can you give me your fingernails? I want them so I can always have a part of you with me!"

Undeniably in my opinion the weirdest type of yandere. They will murder you, and not by accident, not by jealousy, not by revenge. They will murder you because they love you. And then they'll keep your rotting corpse in their bed, or home, or preserved in some way because there's no way they'd throw you away.

In a sense sane people are better off not even trying to understand, the bizarre-seeking type of yandere is purely insane, mad way beyond explanation.Undeniably the worst type of yandere, she will murder you, and not by accident, not by jealousy, not by revenge. She will murder you because she loves you. And then she'll keep your rotting corpse on bed or preserved inside a glass because there's no way she'd throw you away.

In a sense sane people are better off not even trying to understand, the bizarre-seeking type of yandere is purely insane, mad way beyond explanation.

The word kyouki, used in the type's name, is normally associated with disturbing imagery involving gore, blood and worse stuff. It's also related to "grotesque" art, guro グロ, which's dubbed "pornography involving gore" despite the fact nobody in their sane mind can figure out how the fuck can someone even get off to this

Likewise, nobody in their sane mind can relate to the grotesque love of bizarre-seeking yandere. Ranging from murder, mutilation, and maybe something ever worse us mere mortals can't even begin to imagine, their bizarre displays of love can only be summed up by: what the actual fuck?

•Mousou-gata: The Delusional Type

Similar to the "wrong idea" type above, but far worse.

When their insane love is unrequited (for obvious reasons), and you start literally running away from the crazy bitch, they'll think it's because you're embarrassed, and not because you don't want them. Their love distorts the reality they perceive. They see a bunch of delusions instead.

The delusion type may also be in denial something unpleasant happened. They'll just forget it happened. Their memories may also be replaced with delusions: they'll remember you being extremely nice to them when you were indifferent, you saying you liked them before you even met, or other people rubbing themselves on you like cheap sluts when all they did was saying "good morning"

•Jishou-gata: The Self-Harm Type

"If you leave me, I'll hurt myself!"

They harm themself, cutting wrists, etc. in order to get your attention. This often happens when they're ignored. The "dependence" type might evolve into this if they are abandoned.

There are two sub-types to this.

First, the one where they harm themself in secret and have you notice their injuries, then they say "it's nothing to worry about" hoping you worry about it more. This is usually something light like a knee bruise or small scratch, etc.

Second, the one where they harm themself in your face as a way to say "I'll kill myself if you leave me," forcing you to stay by their side out of guilt.

And that's all for now! If you find yourself or a loved one in a relationship with a person that seems to act similar to any of these behaviors, please, please, please leave them/help your loved one to leave them. This is all supposed to be about fictional archetypes, however sometimes someone who is severely mentally ill or simply a bad person can exhibit these behaviors and it is UNSAFE!!! If you find yourself relating to any of the yandere types themselves, please seek mental help.

And if you're reading this because you like horror/psychological thrillers then I hoped you enjoyed and feel more informed about the yandere archetype! I had a lot of fun compiling this list.

[honeypleasejustkillme]

who else mourning the person they could've been if they were treated kindly as a child

[inkskinned]

hey btw if you're in the USA at  2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.

if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.

additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.

i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."

"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.

[punksalmon]

seeing things

[lotus-pear]

OH MY GOD MY FAVORITE FUCKING THING EVER IS WHEN GINGERS GO ^w^ BECAUSE THEY LOOK EXACTLY LIKE A SMILING FOX AND ITS GENUINELY LIKE THE CUTEST THINNG EVER

LIKE TELL ME THATS NOT THE MOST ADORABLE THING EVER😭😭😭😭

[aingeal98]

Something about older Jason looking at the child version of himself, the innocent victim, and feeling the need to defend and avenge him the way no one else will. They'll call him reckless and try to pin the blame for his death on some unique failure of his personality, the problem isn't Robin the problem is he was just a bad fit for Robin! And then older Jason coming back to life and spits on their twisted grief. Fuck you, that innocent child deserved more. You took his memory and ruined it to make yourselves feel better. If no one will give him justice then Jason will take it himself no matter who he has to kill to get there. It's the only way he can move forward.

Something about older Cass looking at this child version of herself, this innocent who has no idea what she was doing when she was tricked into killing, and finding her irredeemable. She will forgive everyone for everything if they need a second chance but she cannot forgive that innocent child. She spends ten years wanting that child to die for their sin, a standard she holds no one else to. And in the end she does have to die. She can never forgive that child until the price has been paid and the guilty, tormented, suicidal mess of a girl is dead and never coming back. Only then can Cass live on. Only then can she smile without feeling the weight of her kill on her back. If no one will give that child the justice they deserve then she will have to do it herself. It's the only way she can move forward.

[guiltyidealist]

"my child is fine" your child was a pleasure to have in class

[wowlookwhosspirallingagain]

i forever will be grieving the childhood i could have had if my parents healed themselves first before having a child

[samble-movedd]

"homura is an evil abuser who wants to control madoka and hates their friends" tired trope, canonically untrue, congrats on falling for the facade put up by a middle schooler.

"homura sees herself as inherently evil and abusive due to her upbringing, past actions, and status as a witch, which is still ongoing even at the end of rebellion" fresh, new, actually closer to canon, doesn't demonize a child for being mentally ill.

[moonsghostwriter]

I am extremely mentally ill and when I was younger and first getting into fanfiction I had a really bad obsession with yandere!character x reader fics because I loved the idea of someone literally stalking and obsessing over me(extremely unhealthy) but I also related to it because my BPD was untreated at the time and when I imagined my favorite person or character it was easy for me to put myself in the yandere's shoes and understand their mindset to a frightening extent.

Luckily now I am medicated and in therapy so I no longer am obsessed with those types of fics, though sometimes I like reading them for the psychological horror aspect, I occasionally relate to the yandere character a little bit.

However I used to consider this a strength, especially whenever I tried to write my own yandere stories because it was so easy for me to relate to the mindset that it felt really natural to write from the yandere's perspective or like a 3rd person that focused on the yandere.

Anyways the next post I make will probably be like a list of the types of yanderes that are most commonly used in media(even though most yandere characters have a mix of all the traits in each type)

[trickstersaint]

in which you are seven years old and trying to dislodge the chunk of apple in your throat // october 22 2023

[mixedbag-o-beans]

dan and phil and the queer joy that is radiating from this new era on the gaming channel is my roman empire. the older i get the more i realize how important it is to see older queer people that are happy

[lotus-pear]

what is childe doing in bungou gay dogs😟

[introspectivememories]

[bbcphile]

Mysterious Lotus Casebook and Complex PTSD Representations: Part I

One of my favorite things about Mysterious Lotus Casebook is how surprisingly nuanced and unusual its portrayal of complex PTSD is. So many shows either introduce character trauma to make the character Sad and Brooding, Angry and Violent (if they’re a villain) or Hesitant to Start a Relationship (if it’s a romance), and that’s usually as in-depth as it gets. If they address the unique after effects of child abuse that lead to complex PTSD at all, it’s usually either explain why a character is a homicidal monster (which is all sorts of problematic) or it’s limited to a single phobia, which can be overcome by the Power of Love, or it’s just something that crops up occasionally for Plot and then forgotten about the rest of the time. 

Mysterious Lotus Casebook gives us two deeply traumatized characters–Li Lianhua and Di Feisheng–who each have clear symptoms of complex PTSD, and yet, their cPTSD manifests completely differently because of the types of traumas that caused it and their relationships to the people causing the traumas. And their manifestations of cPTSD affect just about every level of their being, including their sense of self, their decision-making, and their relationships with others, and it includes some of the incredibly important manifestations of cPTSD that are almost never shown in media while avoiding the most insulting stereotypes! 

PTSD vs cPTSD

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is an anxiety disorder caused by experiencing a single (or short lived) traumatic event (an accident, assault, medical emergency, fighting in a war, etc), where the symptoms last for longer than a month. Symptoms include things like reexperiencing the event (flashbacks), avoidance (of things related to the event), changes in mood (depression, anger, fear, etc), and issues with emotional regulation (hypervigilance–being constantly on the lookout for threats–irritability/angry outbursts, etc.).

Complex PTSD happens if someone has experienced long term, chronic/repeated trauma that induces hopelessness and no chance of escape (survivors of extended child abuse, human trafficking, domestic violence, prisoners of war, slavery, etc.). It’s also often interpersonal in ways a car crash or medical emergency is not, and is particularly linked with chronic trauma during childhood: chronic stress hormones introduce literal physical changes in a growing brain, particularly the amygdala (which processes fear), hippocampus (which is responsible for learning/memory), and the prefrontal cortex (which is responsible for executive function), so it can affect every aspect of life and also affect a child’s progression through developmental stages. In addition to these physical changes to the brain, the prolonged trauma–particularly the helplessness–distorts a child’s sense of self, the perpetrator, and the world in ways that alter their decision making, their memory, and their future relationships. 

For instance, whereas a traumatic event that caused PTSD might make you depressed or not trust the person who harmed you (or to fear driving), the trauma from cPTSD might make you suicidal, blame yourself for your victimization, decide to isolate to avoid interpersonal relationships to keep from getting hurt, or become obsessed with never being harmed again.

Basically, cPTSD has the core symptoms from PTSD with some extra challenges, including issues with emotional regulation, self-concept, interruptions in consciousness, difficulties with relationships, perceptions of the perpetrator, and systems of meaning.

DFS and LLH: CPTSD Symptoms

There’s so much more to say about this than I can cover in this superficial introduction, so this will be the first of a series of metas; I’m hoping to go into more depth about some of these categories in future posts (the DFS and emotional regulation/violence one is already drafted, so stay tuned). 

Difficulties with Relationships (problems with trust, communication, missing red flags): Both DFS and LLH have a history of trusting the wrong people and not trusting the right people, both in the past and in the present of the show: in the past, LLH missed the fact that SGD hated him and DFS missed the fact that JLQ was obsessed with him, and as a result, both sects were destroyed, many people died, and the two almost destroyed each other. If they had communicated with each other instead of fighting at the donghai battle, they might have realized they were being set up and could have worked together, but their difficulties with trust after perceived betrayal made that impossible for them. They both have a history of overlooking red flags in the present–DFS in particular, keeping the red-flag-personified-JLQ around despite her history of poisoning people, including himself–and they both tend to struggle with relationships in the present: LLH runs away from and/or drugs the people who care about him, and DFS sends endless mixed messages by not telling Li Lianhua most of his plans to help him. 

Self-Concept (Self-hatred and self-fragmentation): Li Lianhua is basically the poster child for having a negative self concept: he has an overdeveloped sense of self-blame and responsibility, even believing he deserves to die for leading his men to their deaths, and once he learns he was manipulated and SGD was behind it all, he seems to think it’s his own fault that he was manipulated, lied to, and abused. His self-loathing is so extreme that he imagines his earlier self, Li Xiangyi, to have died, and tries as much as possible to be nothing like that earlier persona. His repeated insistence that Li Xiangyi and Li Lianhua are NOT the same person is reminiscent of the fragmentary sense of self that comes with more extreme trauma, like Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) or Other-Specified Dissociative Disorder (OSDD), where traumatic experiences are so painful that people form different alters, or differentiated self-states, that can have different names and skills and memories and identities. 

Di Feisheng doesn’t have the self-hatred or guilt that LLH does, and it seems like he tries to skip over questions of self worth, blame, or hatred by focusing exclusively on staying true to his code of ethics he’s developed for himself and focusing on gaining the strength necessary to fight for his freedom from mind control and the Di Fortress. But even though he’s kept his Di name, kept his goals the same since escaping Di Fortress, and hasn’t tried to separate himself from his trauma the way LLH did with LXY, he’s even more willing than LLH to take on different identities: it’s literally one of his martial arts skills. The Bone Constriction Skill lets him become someone else for a time, whether that’s a child or Shi Hun. It fits well with his willingness to be whoever he needs to be to accomplish his goals: he’s perfectly willing to be seen as a heartless villain if it lets him protect LLH, and he’s willing to flirt with and pretend to be jealous of JLQ to get information from her, and he’s willing to be LLH’s a-Fei, both with and without his memories.

Interruptions in Consciousness (Amnesia and nightmares for Everyone): LLH and DFS both have nightmares and flashbacks/memories of traumatic events, and as mentioned above, both have interesting hints of having fragmented/fluid senses of self. They both also dissociate, or separate themselves from the present when dealing with traumatic things:  LLH spaces out and gets stuck in his past memories about SGD when talking to FDB after burying SGD, and DFS dissociates from physical pain so as not to make noise both after he’s been stabbed and poisoned with Wuxin Huai and again when JLQ is torturing him in her water dungeon.

They both also have dissociative amnesia that takes away trauma memories, although one is from a poisonous incense plus the magic of qi macgyvering:  LLH forgot the existence of his older brother who died in front of him, and DFS as a-Fei had just about all of his memories (except a few of killing as a child) taken away. Amnesia is a huge part of cPTSD, because it’s the brain’s way of trying to protect you from truths that you might not survive. It can manifest as blocking out one single traumatic event, a bunch of thematically or temporally linked traumatic events, a skill set related to the trauma, or, in the case of something like DID or OSDD, just about everything. It’s endlessly fascinating to me that the show gives us one example of definite traumatic amnesia through LLH, and then seems to almost transform the experience of having DID and being a new part and finding yourself with a new name and very little else into an exaggerated fantasy setting (interestingly, people often report experiencing debilitating headaches when they try to regain memories behind the amnesia barrier). I doubt this is what they were actually going for, since DID is almost universally portrayed incorrectly and offensively in media (one of the alters is almost always portrayed as a serial killer, but that’s a rant for another day), but the different names and the presence of amnesia with LLH made it a fascinating enough parallel that I had to mention it.

 Problems with Emotional Regulation (Lashing in vs. lashing out): Li Xiangyi and Di Feisheng are polar opposites when it comes to struggles with emotional regulation: whereas LXY turns his anger inward, directing it all toward self-hate in what’s often called a “toxic shame spiral,” both after the donghai battle and after he finds out about SGD’s role in his shifu’s death, DFS lashes out physically at those who have harmed him, usually via choking people, although he is usually exerting an impressive amount of control over his emotions and strength. To put in perspective just how different their emotional strategies are and how much effort DFS puts into emotional regulation, compare how much more calm he is than LLH during any revelation of past betrayal or painful information, any scene where they confront the people who have abused them, or any scene where they learn they’ve been wrong about something big; LLH is most likely having an emotional flashback (re-experiencing the emotions from the earlier traumas) and DFS is probably compartmentalizing them or dissociating from them to process later/never so he can stay semi-functional and not show a potential opponent a weak spot. 

NOTE: This means that DFS is loooong overdue for a very dramatic breakdown when it eventually all catches up to him and he can’t distract himself from it anymore.

Perceptions of Perpetrators: In this way only, Di Feisheng has one advantage: he knows the head of Di Fortress is a cruel, abusive tyrant. While he clearly still fears him, even as a physically strong adult (he has nightmares, flashbacks, and dedicates his life to being free from him, which means he still to some extent feels young, small, and helpless when he thinks of him), DFS knows that he hates him and wants to be free of him. This is probably part of why he’s spared some of the self-hatred LLH experiences: he knows he didn’t deserve the abuse because seeing it happen to other children means he knows the abuse wasn’t a personal reflection on him. It does, however, motivate him to want to be stronger and invulnerable so as to never be helpless again, and that obsession is what drives him to have a single-minded focus on reaching the pinnacle of the jianghu.  

It’s so much more complicated for Li Lianhua (and for a more detailed analysis, check out this meta): the childhood perpetrators were manifold–a slew of bandits, whichever children and adults on the street would abuse him for existing and being poor–it probably felt like life itself was to blame. It’s no wonder that when his shifu and shiniang took him in, they were the ultimate rescuers whom he hero-worshipped, so when he felt he made a mistake and his life fell apart, he blamed himself: at least there would be someone to blame that way and something he could do about it (try to kill his past self and hate everything about him). It’s also very telling that LLH doesn’t blame JLQ or YBQ all that much when he learns they poisoned him, and that he’s more angry that SGD murdered their shifu than he is that SGD set him up, hated him, and was the real mastermind behind everything he had blamed himself for; he struggles to stay angry at people who harm him, and would rather blame and hate himself for being tricked than hate the person who tricked him. So, whereas DFS tries to destroy the people who abused him, LLH tries to destroy himself.

If you read this far, thanks! I’m probably going to be posting the DFS and emotional regulation/violence against perpetrator meta next, because it’s drafted, but if there are any of these you desperately want me to talk about more sooner rather than later, let me know! :D