#i wanted to see how he'd look like in my current style since my friend said one of my redraws looked kinda ygo

[meii-jasmine]

✨ Marik Ishtar! ✨

[misstycloud]

A loser's qualities~

Oral(f.reader receiving), facesitting, mean reader

--------

You stared at yourself in the mirror and recalled all the times people would call you beautiful; they were right, you were absolutely gorgeous. It's not bragging if it is true. Your hair was silky smooth and shiny, your lips were lovely and kissable , your style was to die for.

You really had everything in life.

It was soon time for you to meet up with your friends. You had all decided to grab dinner and then watch the latest hit film currently being shown in theatres. It would be a fantastic evening. You applied your make up skilfully, making sure not a single eyelash was out of place. Nothing would be able to stop your perfection.

As you combed through your hair, a choked sound interrupted your concentration. The gagging sent vibrations through your entire body. Ah, it seemed your toy was running a little low on oxygen. Stifling a sigh, you looked down to see the top of a sweaty forehead, hair was sticking to it like glue.

"mhm....!." your boyfriend gagged. His hands gripped your thighs harder, his nails digging into your flesh.

Really, all that talk about wanting to be a good boyfriend and he couldn't even handle ten minutes? Idiot. Your irritation grew as you lifted yourself just enough for the young man under you not to be choked by your pussy. He took greedy gasps of air and coughed a couple times. His entire face was covered in your slick and his lips were almost swollen of the work they'd been forced to do- which was virtually nothing as you hadn't even cum once. You knew he didn't have much going for him but to be this useless was absurd.

You stared at your boyfriend with disappointment.

He noticed your annoyed look and nearly cried. The last thing he ever wanted was to disappoint you, especially when the whole thing had been his idea in the first place. The two of your were supposed to stay in for the night and be comfortable- you had promised him this since months back- but suddenly you got a call from your friends, asking if you wanted to go out. When you told him of your plans he reminded you of your promise and in retaliation you emphasised on your need for fun and excitement; there was no way you would miss the fun for some boring movie he wanted to watch. He already knew begging would be pointless so he came up with another plan to make you stay. In a desperate attempt to keep you he wanted to show how fun he could be.

Unfortunately for him, you were less than pleased with his performance.

Your boyfriend panicked at the thought of underperforming. This wasn't just a matter of wether you were ditching to hang out with your friends, this was now a matter of wether you would find him valuable as a partner at all. He wasn't much of a looker, he had no friends and stayed in his corner all the time. The only advantage he had was his intellect. Too bad you didn't find too much value in that either.

He believed if he could please you as a man then your attitude toward him would shift, but it appeared he couldn't even do that, despite all the materials and videos he'd consumed in his spare time(he wanted to be prepared).

Tears welled up in the corners of his eyes. He fucked up. "Please, I can do it! I-I just need more practice..." he cried.

You rolled your eyes at his typical cry-baby behaviour. Did this man ever shut up? "I don't think practice is ever gonna help you. You're really hopeless, y'know."

He whimpered, "N-no, I said I can do it. Sit down, sit on my face!" he said as he tried to forcibly pull you down to rest onto his face. When you didn't budge he instead leaned up to place hasty kisses on your thighs. He licked and sucked on your skin, enough to leave marks. Despite him sucking-ass at eating you out, you had to admit, seeing him so pathetically glide his tongue over your thighs and beg for your attention sent heat to your core.

You supposed you always had a bit of a thing for pitiful men.

You smirked down at him. "Really? Are you sure you can handle it? It didn't seem like it before."

"Yes, yes I can! I promise I'll make you feel good if you just let me."

You pouted, faking uncertainty. "I don't know, baby. You didn't make me feel good at all before. I'm not convinced you can do it." You loved the way he shivered and let out a mix between a whimper and a moan at your nickname. Oh he just loved being your baby. "You haven't made me cum at all. Don't you want me to cum?"

"Of course I do, (Y/n)! I want nothing more than to pleasure you enough to..-to do that!" He blushed furiously under you.

Aw, he was still a little shy in the language.

"I'll make it happen, I swear." your boyfriends eyes dazed over for a second, blush still present. "I'm simply not used to it, that's all."

"You're not used to make girls cum on your face?" you teased.

Of course he wasn't. Before you he hadn't as much as held hands with someone of the opposite sex. He completely fit the die-alone virgin stereotype.

For the first time in the entire evening he had the courage to look you in the eye. With force determination he said, "I will learn for you (Y/n). If you teach me I'll be sure to satisfy you. I'm a very fast learner."

That was true. If he wasn't then he wouldn't be able to have the highest score out of everyone. His big brain was his only redemption.

"So, tell me, how do you want it?"

——-

(It’s the first time I’ve tried writing anything explicit, so hope it’s alright.)

[itstheghostofmypast]

Loyalties

Kim HongJoong x (f) Detective Reader

Summary: He held her itty bitty heart in his bloody palm and she knew that, but did she love him enough to let him win his little game everytime? Did he love her enough to risk her safety?

Genre: Hurt/Comfort Fluff

Warnings: Joong's a perv (Idk okay), mention of gunshots, strong language.

Word Count: 2.5K

Read Time: 12 min

Rating: nc-17

Networks: @cromernet @k-labels

She hated him, no she despised him, no she loathed that disgusting, horrid, weasel of a man. She despised his cheap ass fur coat, his unnecessary bling and those pants! Her blood would boil at the mere name of that demonic, immature moron, she despised every little detail about him; his angular face, his sharp eyes that would glimmer like the stars swirling with pure mischief, his light chuckle that would ring in her ears like the voice of an angel, oh and she really, really, abhorred the way he'd look at her, with the warmth of pure love - NO!

Mentally slapping herself she cleared her throat, rehearsing the first stanza of hatred that ran hot in her veins for the infamous leader of MATZ. Technically it was just two men, boys who were usually called in for petty crimes turned into men who were now challenging the system- a knock-off of any vigilante out there. Batman, Daredevil, even the Punisher, see these men had class and style- MATZ, well, they had style...but perhaps the fact that explaining how her once high school friends are now notorious criminals or wannabe Robinhood would be a bit difficult. Perhaps this little fact only added to her current presiding problem, one she had mentioned to her lover, explicitly mentioning her concerns; for the safety of his life and her professional career. Once again, that bastard let his deflated ego in the way, her words bouncing off it without ever reaching his useless, dysfunctional brain.

So, here she stood, in front of her captain, watching him go on and on about the need for order and justice, the need for law and police work, and more importantly the need for loyalty. Loyalty, a trait that was of importance, though her's was being questioned.

"Where do your loyalties lie detective?"

"With the force, Sir" With a salute she looked dead ahead, not at him, no, through him, trying to figure out the answer to this very question. Where did her loyalties lie?

"Then how is it, you've been leading the task force to capture MATZ for three years and each time you are close they miraculously slip away!" his large, meaty hands slammed on the table, her partner beside her flinching, though not a jerk left her bones. Instead, her eyes flickered to his face, instantly scanning his form, this man looked like anything but eh definition of justice, safety and security - if anything, he looked more like a criminal than that moron of hers.

"I assure you, Sergeant, my loyalties lie where my heart has ever since I was a little girl. My friendship with Joong- " pausing she cleared her throat, ignoring the way he raised a brow at he before glancing at her partner as if hinting at something "MATZ, both Kim Hongjoong and Park Seonghwa ended as soon as they started this life of crime."

"I don't trust you an ounce detective, not one bit." slumping back in his seat he stared up at her, "But the Captain trusts ya for some reason, believes you a good egg- I just think you're a cracked egg, too far gone for anything else- so I'll tell you this, I'm on to ya, I'll be watching you, listening to you, from the moment you step into his precinct ill be watching your every move."

.

"Well, that was something." Jongho muttered, closing the door behind him, "Do you...want to grab a bite or something?"

"I'm good." giving him a small smile she sat back at her desk, sifting through the papers, not a word written processing in her already occupied mind. The traffic of thoughts only stopped when a hand rested on hers, "I may be younger than you, but we're partners, and my mentor has always told to me trust my partner. "

His soft words, followed by his cute smile had her sigh in defeat, sitting back down and nodding, "Some mentor you have, huh?"

"She's the best of the best." Puffing up his chest with pride he placed his hands on her desk, "Now, what can I do, to make my mentor feel better."

"Nothing, really Jong, I- " her words caught up as she noticed something. Her eyes caught the way her system was on, the screen lit up, the mouse icon moving on its own, she was being - shit. Instantly reaching for the cable, she pulled the plug on the CPU.

"Um...did you see what I just saw?"

"Jongho, get Yunho and tell him to track whatever the hell that was."

"Yes, Ma'am."

.

The door slammed shut, the darkness just adding to her anger, of course, he wouldn't turn on the lights, no lamp or bulb, choosing to sit on the small balcony - maybe she should just push him off, the idea extremely tempting at this point.

Placing her badge and gun on the table she made her way to the small balcony at the other end of the living room, making sure to turn on a lamp on the way out. Sliding the door open she sighed, the cool breeze prickling her warm skin, a shiver running down her spine as she stepped out completely, barely missing the small table as she made her way to the seat her boyfriend was currently sprawled on, limbs extending like the roots of the potted plants behind him. His head lay against the cushioned headrest, turning his head to face her, an easy smile making its way to his face, the warm glow of the fairy lights from the wall beside him only adding onto his beautiful face, making him appear oh so soft and lovable.

"Hey babe." his words barely above a whisper.

"Joong~" she sang, slowly getting on top of him, making herself comfortable until she was fully straddling him, his hands automatically finding their place on her back, holding onto her tight, her arms loosely hanging around his neck, "Did you miss me?"

"You bet your pretty ass, I did," he mumbled, eying the way she moved closer, her chest pressed against his, fingers playing with the hair at the base of his head.

"Aw~ baby" she pouted before gripping onto the ends of his hair and tugging hard, his head tilting back as a whimper escaped him, damn, his girl was in the mood- or so he thought.

"I didn't you f*cker." her grip tightened, tilting his head further back with another tug, his own fingers digging into her sides, trying to keep some form of control.

"Why~" whining with his eyes closed, he treasured the burning sensation, his princess knew how to play and he liked it so very much.

"Did you get Youngie to tap into my system? Do you want me to get fired? Or do you want me to shoot you in the d*ck?"

"Aw baby~ it's just work." his eyes finally snapped open, standing up without warning as a high-pitched squeak left her lips, arms instantly locking around his neck, much like her legs around his waist, staring up at him wide-eyed.

A chuckle echoed in the dark of the night as his hands finally gripped her close, "Don't worry doll, I'd never let ya fall." Walking them into the apartment he looked down at her frowning, "Did someone piss off my princess ?"

"Joong, " sighing she glanced away, letting him carry her around like she weighed nothing, like she was a mere muse he was addicted to, clinging onto him, onto his fur coat- wait God, he was wearing the orange one, she hated it.

"Yes, love?" slowly setting her down on the bed he shrugged off his jacket, going to the cupboard to hang it, his precious baby wasn't cheap!

"I can only protect you if you trust me, but if you hack into my system or pull shit like that and they fire me, who knows what- I- I just can't lose you" her words clogging up in her throat, the burning sensation all too evident behind her eyes, " what I mean is" sighing she paused to rephrase, his casual attitude just adding to the frustration as he walked towards her, swaying like a cat, stopping right in front of her sitting form, "Hongjoong, I'm serious, with me, it is just a game of cat and mouse but if I get replaced, if its someone else, it'll be serious and they might even-"

"Shhh..." placing a finger on her lips he hushed her, his hand caressing her cheek, admiring how she nuzzled into his palm, "You know love, " he whispered leaning closer till their noses touched, "I am a very dangerous man, I am more than just your lover."

"But-"

"I'll lay off your system," brushing his lips against hers, "Detective." Pulling back he smiled down at her, admiring how she looked up at him with teary eyes filled with nothing but love and worry, letting his intrusive thoughts win and squishing her cheeks with one hand, laughing at her whining in protest.

His other hand pulled out something from his back, showing her the shiny metal toy of his, "If it were someone else, other than you, that f*cker would already be dead, you're the only reason why I haven't torn this system down to shreds." with one last kiss to the forehead, her lovable idiot of a man once again promised to stay out of her way, at least for a while.

.

"This is team two, The ground floor is clear."

He did it again, he must've done it again, no way in hell did he not do it.

"Team three reporting from floor 1, all clear."

"Boss" Jongho mumbled beside her, turning off his comm, "Did you tell him?"

Sighing she adjusted her bulletproof west as the two walked into the basement, "Yes, I told that bastard, my system wasn't tapped, I double-checked." Of course, her junior knew about her little relationship, she did teach him that a mentor and mentee should have no secrets, even ones like these. It didn't take him long to accept it either, saying something along the lines of, "Is he really that bad if he's fighting against a system that has failed us?"

"Because Yunho just texted me saying your phone was tapped instead. "

"I hate him."

"Team two reporting, roof's all clear boss."

"This doesn't look good," he mumbled, trailing hot on her heels as the two entered the basement, a parking lot with two entrances. They were going to split up, "We can't go empty-handed, we need something at least."

"I know. Let's split up, and be on your guard."

With that the two parted ways, her footsteps echoing across the empty parking lot, the scraping of her boots muffling the jingle of her gun, one that was aimed and ready to shoot. A low chuckle caught her ear.

"STOP RIGHT THERE." She yelled, turning to aim at the fool, his smirk pissing her off even more, "Don't.Move."

"Hey doll." the deep voice from beside her alerting her senses, "You should go check up on your partner, baby bear's knocked out like Goldilocks." Seonghwa chuckled, making his way to stand next to Hongjoong who had his hands up for a show, the smug look never leaving his face.

"Aw, come on detective, just let us go and we can call it a night."

A loud bang, followed by a series of bangs, resonated across the entire parking lot.

"ALL UNITS TO THE BASEMENT, NOW!"

.

"You okay?" she asked, pressing the icepack against the bump on his head, "Told you to wear the helmet."

"Are YOU okay?" he asked, others around them looking at their head's bulletproof jacket, staring at the four shots right across it. Though that's not what he meant, he was definitely asking about something else.

"Yeah, great actually." Patting her head she turned around when someone called her name, eying the office who handed her a phone, "It's the sergeant, detective." rolling her eyes she pressed it against her ear, "Hello?"

"Detective. I heard about the encounter but didn't think you had it in ya to shoot him. Glad the bulletproof vest worked though, you're a good agent, we can't risk losing. I take it back, you have my trust and support. Get home safe."

.

Slamming the door shut she sighed in relief, kicking off her shoes she made her way into the living room, oh? The lights were on, what a pleasant surprise, wonder what happened?

"Hey honey how was work?" she smirked, leaning against the wall, arms crossed as she watched her shirtless boyfriend glare back at her, both ignoring the other man in the room who was tending to the gunshot wound.

Raising a brow, he scoffed, "Oh great love I got shot today by a bitch-"

"I'm still holding my gun Joong, don't test me"

Slamming his hand on his thigh he yelled "YOU SHOT ME- you SHOT ME IN THE SHOULDER!" hissing in pain as Seonghwa clicked his tongue, mumbling a stay still as he patched up the hole. This was all he could do before Yeosang could come over and have a proper look at it.

"YOU TAPPED MY PHONE"

"WELL YOUR SERGEANT WAS GETTING TOO COZY WITH YA- man's a perv, I know it" he spat back, shoving Seonghwa out of the way with his free hand, earning a curse in return.

"HONGJOONG, HE WAS DOUBTING MY LOYALTIES!" she explained and pointed at herself, "AND YOU SHOT ME TOO!"

A dramatic gasp echoed across the room followed by a hand placed on his chest - his heart, mind you-, causing Seonghwa to roll his eyes, here we go again, he should've never befriended these two in high school. Mumbling to himself about their idiocy he walked out to the balcony, deciding to smoke instead of listening to these idiots.

"First of all, YOU shot ME first and" he yelled and turned to point at the balcony, "That motherf*cker shot you, not me! I agree four times was a bit excessive but hey you were the one who kept going on and on about us being too soft on ya." Turning to her with raised brows, "And loyalties? Babe, come on, I mean, you and I- like we like- I've been in you multiple times, day or night and-"

"CAN YOU NOT!" she screamed, gesturing at the open door of the balcony.

'I don't care, pretend I'm not here, that's what I'm pretending too!' was all they could hear from the balcony, causing her face to resemble a tomato, though her shameless boyfriend was as nonchalant as ever, continuing his little speech, half naked in the living room.

"All I'm saying is, I don't question your loyalties because I know you've got the hots for me like I completely get it, I'd wanna sleep with me too, but your creep of a boss knows his soggy sausage aint worth your time and-"

"I should've aimed for your d*ck"

"Would you really though? Cause I know you loyal to my d-"

"And this conversation is over." with that she stomped away, speed walking when she heard the loud cackles of Seonghwa followed by the laughter of her own idiot of a man. No, boys, they were still the same shameless teenage boys, she accidentally had the unfortunate fate of meeting in school, when she was nothing but a victim of loneliness, turning her grey dull days into chaotic, colourful ones pulled out of the ass of the rabbit in Alice in Wonderland.

[airenyah]

A LOOK AT STYLE'S JOURNEY | Ep 9

(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep4 | Ep5 | Ep6 | Ep7 | Ep8 | Ep10)

Yeah, I don't really have any introductory words to say on this one except... ENJOY <3

Pronoun situation: As usual, just assume Fadel and Style use the rude pronouns guu/mueng with each other unless I specify otherwise.

To recap: On their road trip through the country, Fadel and Style ran into an interesting pair and got involved in their (pre-)marital dispute. Style finally figures out what exactly Fadel is mad about and makes him a promise.

No. 1: A Stylish Death

Once more, Style and Fadel are on the road. Fadel finally took Style's advice from the end of episode 7 to heart and is currently taking a nap on the backseat of the car instead of threatening Style non-stop. Style turns his head to check on him, then shakes his head and looks back to the road, his expression amused. It's my personal headcanon that he finds it just as funny and ridiculous (affectionate) how bad of a kidnapper Fadel is as we the fandom do. What kidnapper just sleeps peacefully while letting their victim drive them around in a car without supervision? Speaking of headcanons, you know how there's been talk about where exactly Style got the sunglasses from all of a sudden? My mom suggested that they could be Bison's and that they just happened to lie around in the car, but it's my headcanon that Style actually nicked them from Jimmy and Popcorn's house. He probably found the glasses somewhere around the house and charmed the two of them into giving them to him before he and Fadel left.

Anyway, the radio cuts out and Style ends up finding a photo of some mysterious guy in the glove compartment in search of CDs. To be honest, I don't think Style is all that jealous in this moment (I think he'd know if there was a love rival he needed to worry about, I think he can read Fadel well enough by now), but I do think he's very confused and intrigued. Because Fadel did tell him four episodes ago that he didn't have any past lovers. And only the night before (I assume) they had a chat in which Style mentions that he doesn't know Fadel's past. And I think Style wants to know. About Fadel's past and now about the guy in the photo specifically, because that guy is likely connected to Fadel's past, too. Which Style wants to know about.

But right in that moment, Fadel wakes up. Style quickly throws the photo back into the compartment, slams it shut and immediately ropes Fadel into a conversation so that Fadel doesn't even have the time to ask what Style was doing in case he saw anything. Fadel starts telling Style about Bison's parents' island and house and Style hopes his best friend is still alive. The only thing Fadel has to say about that is: "I can’t guarantee that. You’ll have to find out for yourself." That's not a very reassuring answer. "Can’t you at least lie to make me feel better?" Style asks. Language fun fact, Style's reply actually goes more like:

Can't you give me some hope, please? มึงให้ความหวังกูหน่อยก็ได้ป่ะ [mueng - hâi - kwaam wăng - guu - nòi - gôh dâai - bpà] you - give - hope - me - a little (please) - [particle] - ?

Then Style asks for a quick stop at a clothes store because "I’ve been wearing [your clothes] this whole time, and it’s getting disgusting" and I just love that @panncakes was spot on when they said:

im just saying style is obviously not wearing his own shirt in episode 8 and since fadel had time to prepare for this search mission he obviously brought essentials including spare sets of clothing and baggy black does scream fadel; so im just going to assume fadel has style Who He's Definitely Killing Soon running around in his own clothing because you can't have a dead man running around in day old dirty clothes obviously and not because sharing clothes is becoming their Thing

In a bit we will see that Style actually is wearing a shirt that we've seen Fadel wear before on the show.

They start bickering, because Fadel isn't in the mood to go shopping for clothes, but Style fights for his will by joking about Fadel killing him and going on a very Style-like monologue about wanting to be a good-looking corpse. When he's done monologuing, he turns his head and throws Fadel a side glance to check if it worked.

It did.

No. 2: You Better Run, Better Run, Faster Than His Bullet

It worked. Despite Fadel's reluctance they are now standing in a clothes store on Style's request and that makes 3/3 series that JoongDunk have gone to a clothes store in. I'm starting to wonder if looking at clothes together on camera is in their contracts. Maybe the real sunflowers were the clothes stores we made along the way. (Yes, I am still waiting for a JD sun flower Easter egg. Since sun flowers were such a big thing in both their previous works and their mascot is a sunflower too.) Anyway, so Fadel caved and let Style go shopping for clothes after all, because when does Fadel not give in to Style and Style is hyped. They bicker some more and Style finally calls Fadel out for being a bad kidnapper while at the same time using the opportunity to pointedly call himself Fadel's boyfriend and just as pointedly call Fadel his own boyfriend again as well. Just listen to how much he stresses the word "faen". Actually, let me just share a more literal translation again, because he doesn't just throw around the word "boyfriend" two but three whole times in Thai:

Right now I feel more like a boyfriend. ตอนเนี่ยรู้สึกเหมือน​แฟนมากกว่า [dton nîia - rúu-sèuk - mĕuuan - faen - mâak gwàa] (right) now - feel - like - boyfriend - more Official subs: I feel like a boyfriend. It's/You're like a boyfriend who accompanies his boyfriend while shopping. เหมือนแฟนมาเฝ้าแฟนช้อปปิ้งอ่ะ [mĕuuan - faen - maa - fâo - faen - chóp-bpîng - àh] like - boyfriend - come - watch over, care - boyfriend - shopping - [particle] Official subs: This feels like going shopping with my boyfriend.

(The italicized boyfriends indicate which boyfriends Style pointedly stresses.)

Last episode, Fadel claimed twice that he and Style weren't boyfriends/a couple after Style referred to them as such. Now Style is calling them boyfriends again, but the only thing that Fadel debunks this time around is the claim that Style is his hostage. Fadel doesn't say a single word about them not being boyfriends. He ends his defense by claiming that Style doesn't hold enough value to be exchanged for anything and Style throws him a little nod like Sure Jan whatever you say. 

Fadel continues to say "I'm just letting you find a little joy before I kill you" and that's interesting because:

I'm only letting you be a little happy before you die. กูแค่ให้มึงมีความสุขเล็กๆ น้อย​ๆ​ ก่อนตายเท่านั้นแหละ [guu - kâe - hâi - mueng - mii kwaam-sùk - lék lék nói nói - gòhn - dtaai - tâo nán - làe] I - just - let, give - you - be happy - little, small - before - die - only - [particle]

Let's compare with every other explicit death threat that Fadel has made to Style since he's kidnapped him:

Doesn't matter where [I'm taking you]. You'll be dead anyway. But before I kill you, I have to see my brother.

Once I find him, I'm going to kill you both.

One wrong move, I'm blowing your brain out.

If my car was stolen, not only would I kill you, I'd take a car from your garage.

Just because I let you do this doesn't mean I won't kill you, you know?

Do you see what's different all of a sudden? Yeah, that's right. Fadel threatened Style's life, but he did not say that he would be the one ending it. For once, Fadel did not say that he, Fadel, would be killing Style. The only other time he made a reference about Style being dead rather than him killing Style was the very first time he voiced an explicit death threat and that one was still followed by an "I kill you" in the very next sentence. Now, though? There is no "I (will) kill you" anywhere to be found. It's the same thing a few lines down: "You're going to die soon, what else do you want?" (Btw, I did check the Thai lines in the list above and in Thai he also says that he'll kill Style each time.)

I don't know if Style picks up on that subtle change in phrasing, but he certainly isn't as annoyed by and tired of the death threats anymore as he used to be. Instead, he now deals with them by making light of them, like earlier in the car when he insisted he wanted to be a good-looking corpse and now by asking Fadel to drop his dead body in a beautiful place so that at least his ghost could haunt nice places in nature. And what I love about this is that even though this is clearly meant more like a light-hearted joke, Style still sounds almost kind of genuine in his words. Because Fadel is "serious" about his death threats and so Style will also be serious about his dying wishes. And even though he doesn't believe that Fadel will actually kill him, Style still would rather haunt a beautiful place when he dies (even if it isn't at Fadel's hands). That part is genuine. However, Fadel ain't got no time for this particular wish. And so he threatens Style's life one more time by playing along with Style: "If you don't choose something right now, the only place you're haunting is this damn secondhand store."

Style stares at Fadel for a moment. Message received. It's time for Style to back down from being annoying or else Fadel will really lose his patience. And so Style turns his attention to the clothes rack, but not without showing Fadel how completely and utterly unimpressed he is by Fadel threatening death for the millionth time in the past 3-ish days. Style soon gets distracted from his performance when he notices a nice pair of shorts, which he grabs and then pointedly holds out to Fadel like There. I'm choosing something. Happy now? 

Style seriously starts looking for something to wear after that and he's so focused on the clothes that he misses the way Fadel watches him with the most adoring look in his eyes. Style finds a top he likes and walks off to try it on. When he comes back to ask for Fadel's opinion on his outfit, Fadel points out that Style never really wears stripes:

But I don't really see you wearing striped clothes. แต่กูไม่ค่อยเห็นมึงใส่เสื้อลายทางนะ [dtàe - guu - mâi kôi - hĕn - mueng - sài - sêuua laai taang - ná] but - I - not really - see - you - wear - striped clothes - [particle] Official subs: I never saw you in stripes before.

Just wanted to make a little clarification, because in the subs Fadel actually says "I never saw you in stripes before" when Fadel actually has, in fact, seen Style in stripes. But "not really" and "never" isn't quite the same. In Thai Fadel implies that Style rarely wears stripes, not that he never wears stripes, and I think Style wearing stripes in front of Fadel three times in eight episodes is rare enough to be considered "not really".

Fadel taking note of this fact has Style quite satisfied, because Fadel is clearly paying attention to him. Then Style firmly tells Fadel "You can't kill me. You love me." and this stand-off really reminds me of the one in the storage room in episode 3 when Style tells Fadel "You won't [punch me]. You like me." Except this time Style is even more confident in his words. In fact, he knows he's right, because Fadel has had many perfect opportunities to kill him in the last couple of days, was actually close to killing him a few times and yet Style is still alive and kicking and actively being an annoying little menace in Fadel's life. And he also knows for a fact that Fadel is in love with him. He tested him in the bathtub and got a satisfactory result. Instead of being punched in the gut like last time, Style suddenly finds himself whirled around and on the ground, everything accompanied by the sound of gunshots. 

From one second to the next, Style finds himself worrying about his his life again after he's finally managed to deal with his fear of death triggered by the pool incident. Somehow, Fadel and Style still have the time to bicker while Fadel fires off a few more gunshots and then they run to a different hiding spot. I do love how Style's first instinct the moment Fadel has dropped down on the ground next to him is to reach out to Fadel. And I love how Style doesn't even seem to be thinking about it, he just touches Fadel automatically, his hand seeks out Fadel almost out of reflex.

Fadel realizes he's out of bullets and blames Style who defends himself and then asks how they're gonna fight this guy. And once again we get to see how much of a helper Style is and how much of a need to fix things he has, because he immediately offers himself up as bait to distract the attacker. Fadel hates the idea, but Style insists. He's too helpful for his own good. Style gets in position to run, but turns back to Fadel for a moment when Fadel calls out Style's name a few times. Fadel tilts his head in disapproval like Are you fucking serious right now?! Style nods and blinks at him in a silent answer: Yeah. It'll be fine, don't worry. I got this. Then Style bravely runs off. His need to help overrides his fear of death. 

Turns out Style cannot, in fact, outrun bullets. A bullet grazes him and he goes down. And at this point, let me just leave @secriden's observation here, because it totally hadn't occurred to me and it hurts me, so obviously I need to make it everyone else's problem, too:

[I]it is just deliciously dramatic that Style gets injured precisely dressed in the clothes he'd picked out so he could "at least die in something that's actually my style" and in the place Fadel said Style would haunt only minutes prior.

Fadel finds Style a minute or two later, once he's dealt with the attacker and they're both safe. Style says "It’s just a graze" and "This is nothing" and I'm not sure if he's saying this more to reassure Fadel or to reassure himself. His mouth says one thing, but his face sure says another.

Whatever brave face Style was putting on a moment ago disappears once Fadel starts wrapping his own shirt around Style's injury. Style goes down, clearly in pain. And I'm left wondering... Is that it? Is this why we've been counting Style around guns? Was it foreshadowing to Style getting shot? Only time will tell.

No. 3: Treating the Wounded

Somehow Fadel gets Style onto Bison's island. I wonder how far away they were at the point of Style being shot and how long it took for them to arrive on the island. Style is weak and pale and yet the first and also only thing out of his mouth is "Kant… You're alive. I'm happy to see that". Kant's death is a worry that Style has carried around ever since that morning at the hospital right before Fadel ambushed him and now that I think about it, this worry must have also played a part in Style's fear of and about death last episode. But Kant is alive. His best friend is alive. And that's all that matters through the pain right now.

Kant wants to help but Fadel immediately yells at him to let go of Style the moment Kant grabs Style's arm. I'm sure Style would have been cool with Kant also helping him, but Style currently doesn't have the energy to talk back to Fadel. Fadel continues to lead him towards the house and at one point as they're walking we see Style shut his eyes for a moment in a way that has me wonder if for a second his vision went blurry and/or if he's feeling dizzy from the pain and the shock of the injury:

Once at the house, Bison stitches Style back up while Fadel helps and acts as Style's moral support. I'm not sure how many details of what is happening here will be retained in Style's memory as his brain is certainly too busy with keeping him alive through the pain.

No. 4: Bestie Talk

Style wakes up in a bed and Kant finds him only a minute later with painkillers. Style first voices his relief that he himself didn't die from the shock of the surgery, followed by his relief that Kant isn't a corpse either. Kant's potential death really is something that was weighing him down. But Kant's alive! And he even told Bison about everything! Style can't believe his ears. How in the world is Kant still alive, then? Kant says "He loves me" and Style goes "Ohhhhhhhhh" while I go "The power of love, huh?" and then Style goes "The power of love, alright" and I die of laughter at how predictable Style's words were. Style, believer in the power of love, is very happy that his prediction was right, is very happy for his friend and his happiness. Kant continues "I love him, too. I'll do anything to keep him alive" and Style asks "And how are you going to do that? This mess is getting out of hand. It's not just the cops who are after them, but someone else clearly wants them dead" and it's interesting, because so far in their 1:1 scenes it was always Style being the optimistic one, the hopeful one, the dreamer while Kant kept things realistic and had a more pessimistic outlook on life. This time, though, it's the other way around. This time Style hits Kant with the realism. And it makes sense, because it was also Style who got hit by a real bullet. Style has felt and is actually currently feeling the very real consequences of "I'll do anything to keep him alive". One moment you think you can outrun a bullet, the next you almost die on a make-shift surgery table.

Kant says he doesn't exactly know how he's going to go about it, but that his heart is already in it. Style looks away, clearly thinking about something, then raises his eyebrows and nods.

"My heart is already in this." Style knows. Oh, how well Style knows that feeling. The feeling of wanting to do something, anything in the world for the well-being and safety of your hitman boyfriend. He's been feeling like this for a long time now. If we're being honest, Style has felt like this since all the way back in episode 5 where he told Kant "How would I even get through this? I compromised my whole body, and if we're being honest, I've already compromised half of my heart, too. I'm worried about him now" in that locker room. But back then things were going great for Style. Fadel had finally given him a chance and was happily dating Style while Style was falling in love with him more and more despite knowing his true identity. Back then, things were great. Now, though? Not so much. One moment Fadel threatens him with death, the next moment Fadel saves him from death. Style is happy that everything worked out well for his beloved bestie and his hitman boyfriend, but he himself is quite confused at the mixed signals he's getting from his own hitman: "Meanwhile, my chances are 50-50. He's hot and then cold. He loves me and then he doesn't. I honestly can't keep up with him." And I don't think the 50-50 refers to there being a 50-50 chance on whether Fadel will kill him or not. I think by now everyone and their mother knows that Fadel absolutely cannot bring himself to take Style's life no matter how hard he tries (and how hard he tries to convince himself otherwise) and Style is very much aware of it. He even called Fadel out on it at the store. No, I think the 50-50 is out on whether Fadel will forgive him and whether Fadel is willing to give Style another chance. Style knows Fadel loves him, but is the love he has also enough to let Style in again? Is it enough to put his walls down for Style again? And besides, apart from saving Style's life a few times, ever since Fadel found out the truth Fadel hasn't exactly been treating Style in a way that makes Style feel loved and appreciated while Style has done nothing but show his love and appreciation for Fadel. Fadel hasn't exactly shown that he really cares about Style. Style made it very clear that despite Fadel nearly taking his life at the pool, he still loved Fadel and was even willing to sleep with him anyway and Fadel just handcuffed him to the bed in return and told Style he didn't trust him. Style cried from trauma and the only consolation Fadel gave him was "don't be dramatic" and "I don't wanna listen". Style voiced genuine concerns about being murdered and Fadel came back with approval of Style's murder. Style called them boyfriends and Fadel returns with yet another death threat. Those aren't exactly bright prospects for Style and no matter how much Style stays in good spirits, deep down it's gotta hurt, too. Fadel may love Style enough not to kill him, but does he even care about him at all as well?

But Kant has an outside perspective and sees things that Style doesn't see. And from that perspective it looks like Fadel absolutely does care: "But from what I saw, he had your hands clasped in his so tightly. And the way he looked at you was exactly how I looked at Bison at the hospital." Style looks away again, even more lost in thought this time around as he contemplates Kant's words and thinks about Fadel holding his hand through the surgery as well as his relationship with him. Kant's words should come as good news, but Style still looks rather downhearted.

It may seem a little odd that our usual confident, optimistic, hopeful boy is suddenly discouraged. However, I think it makes sense. Style knows that Fadel loves him, but he hasn't exactly been treating Style in a way that makes Style actually feel that love (not killing Style and saving his life is kind of the bare minimum at this point, let's be real). Not to mention, there are also many things that we, the viewers, see from an outside perspective, but Style himself doesn't see them, like when Fadel nearly reached out to Style when Style was crying, or the look of adoration Fadel was watching Style with at the clothes store, or the concern Fadel showed while Bison was stitching Style up. But for the last incident, there was someone there to witness the outside perspective and finally Style learns how Fadel looks when Style's not looking. And that makes Style think. Fadel does seem to care. And Kant's words also serve to reconfirm that Style is right about Fadel loving him, but is that love enough to make Fadel want to be with Style again? After all, Style still has to work for Fadel's forgiveness. And I think that's why Style ultimately isn't all that convinced by Kant's words, because what good does the knowledge that Fadel loves him do, when there's a chance Fadel still won't take him back? What good does the knowledge that Fadel does care do, when it only happens in moments where Style is missing out on it? When it only happens in moments where that care doesn't properly reach Style?

Kant can tell that his friend is still unhappy, so he changes the topic to something more cheerful: "Thanks, though, for risking your life looking for me." This has Style genuinely laughing again as he says "I don’t need your gratitude." Another interpretation of this line is actually:

No need to get so touching, dude. ไม่ต้องมาซึ้งเลยมึง [mâi dtông - maa - séung - loiie - mueng] no need - come - touching, deep - [particle] - you

I think this is a little more coherent with Kant teasing Style about saying "I love you" afterwards, but that might also just be me. Anyway, Style and Kant bicker a bit and Kant accidentally causes pain to Style's injured arm. When they stop bickering, Style, who is in a bit of a better mood again after feeling a down about Fadel only moments before, now really wants to know alllll the tea he's missed while he was busy surviving the pain of the surgery: "When [Fadel] had my hand in his, how did he look at me?"

Kant goes into a dramatic reenactment for Style until they both break away laughing about how weird the thought of the two of them (Kant and Style) to kiss is. Once they've calmed down, Kant repeats that Fadel is worried about Style. Style smiles to himself, getting lost in thought again. It's still not an entirely happy smile, because Style still has a way to go to earn Fadel's forgiveness and Fadel still needs to make it clear in return that he does care about Style and appreciates him in a way where Style can actually see or feel it, but Style is definitely more hopeful again compared to earlier in the conversation. Maybe there is a chance Fadel is willing to give Style another chance after all. Maybe there really is still hope that Style will get his boyfriend back and that said boyfriend will also start treating him accordingly again. Maybe things aren't so bleak after all.

No. 5: Over My Dead Body

However, things take a dark turn when Style walks in on the love of his life holding his best friend at gunpoint. Style missed the beginning of the confrontation, so technically he doesn't really have context, but he also doesn't really need it, because he knows exactly what grudge Fadel is holding. No need to ask. Besides, the day they were playing with the BB guns Fadel already told Style "Kant has to deal with me. He started all this, after all." And now Fadel is making good on that promise.

But Style has been so worried about Kant's safety for so many episodes already and especially ever since Kant got kidnapped and now that Style's finally got his best friend back, alive, and he is not going to watch his (not-)boyfriend kill him in front of his very own eyes and so he shouts at Fadel not to hurt Kant. However, Kant is ready to accept his fate. But before he dies, Fadel needs to know that Style is innocent: "But Style has nothing to do with this. I lied to get him roped into this." Remember the word หลอก [lòhk] from last episode? Yeah, it makes an appearance again. Just so you know:

I deceived my friend one more time. ผมหลอกเพื่อนผมมาอีกทีนึงอ่ะ [pŏm - lòhk - pêuuan pŏm - maa - ìik tii nueng - àh] I - trick, deceive - my friend - [past tense marker] - one more time again - [particle]

(If you didn't read my ep8 meta: this word means "to trick" or "to deceive" and it came up A LOT during ep8. Lots of tricking and deceiving happening on this show. Who would have thought.)

But Style is not cool with Kant's sacrifice. "Don't you dare take all the credits," Style scolds him. And here, have the Thai version too, because it made me laugh:

Don't be cool all by yourself. มึงอย่าเท่คนเดียวดิวะ [mueng - yàa - têh - kon diieow - dì - wá] you - don't - (be) cool - alone, by yourself - [particle] - [particle]

Style won't let Kant to this alone. If Kant has to die, so does Style. And he makes that very clear to Fadel: "If you're going to kill him, kill me, too." Style's voice sounds angry when he says this and this is interesting, because Style hasn't really been properly angry with Fadel ever since he found himself tied up at the pool. Sure, Style got annoyed and he was even really done with Fadel at some points, but Style was never angry with Fadel, he never held any of what Fadel said or did to him against Fadel. No, instead of getting angry, Style just went with it and often met Fadel with kindness and love instead. But now that his best friend's life is on the line, Style is finally truly angry at Fadel. Fadel can shoot Kant over Style's dead body. And with the many times Fadel has saved Style in the last couple of days, Style knows for a fact that his dead body is not something Fadel can bear to see. Even when Fadel himself is the one who wants Style dead.

Style continues: "Nobody forced me into this. I agreed to it willingly." Style could have gotten out of this mess at any point after he was informed of Fadel's real occupation and of what Kant's real mission was, but Style didn't. Style stayed. And he even stuck to Fadel's side all throughout episode 8 without running away which is something that he did willingly. Not because he was afraid of Fadel's gun. Fadel never really treated Style as an actual hostage apart from that one time he handcuffed Style to the bed and the few times he waved his gun in Style's face. Style had plenty of opportunities to make a run for it, especially when Fadel was napping in the car. But Style chose to stay. Nobody forced him to do anything, not Fadel during their road trip and also not Kant at any time before that. Style went along with everything by his own choice and of his own will. No one's made any decisions for Style. Style also has agency in this game.

Style underlines this point by dropping down on his knees and offering his life by his very own choice. "Don't you have a little sympathy? We've been through all these things together. Why did you bother stitching me up if you're going to end up killing me anyway? Why didn't you just let me die?" Style is still angry, but now his voice sounds more reproachful as well as desperate. Style's hurt is really starting to shine through. He has stuck to Fadel's side with unwavering loyalty these past few days, has shown over and over again that he's serious about Fadel and his feelings for Fadel, he's been nice to Fadel, has helped him, has followed his wishes, has even nearly given his life to protect Fadel in the store. And not a single time has Fadel shown any sign of appreciation or as much as acknowledgment. That hurts. Even more so, when Fadel then goes to murder Style's best friend as a thank you in return for all that Style has done for him. I think when Style asks "Don't you have a little sympathy?" the unspoken question is You don't care about me, despite all that I've willingly done for you? Style's next words are even more loaded: "Why did you bother stitching me up if you're going to end up killing me anyway? Why didn't you just let me die?" This is You do care about me, because if you really did hate me all that much you could have easily let me die back there and finally be rid of me, but you didn't. You couldn't bear to see me die. This is If you care about me and my life this much, then why do you keep treating me so coldly? This is You saved my life and now you're just gonna destroy it immediately after? Are you really this cruel?

As Style is kneeling there, I don't think he is scared for his own life, I don't think he expects Fadel to actually shoot him dead on the spot. I think Style feels fairly safe in this moment, but he is terrified for Kant's life. He knows that Fadel can't bring himself to kill Style, because he loves him too much, but Fadel doesn't feel the same way about Kant. In fact, Fadel feels quite the opposite about Kant. If Fadel kills Kant now, even if he spares Style, Style's life would still be ruined. No matter how much Style insists that he'll like Fadel no matter what, I think if Fadel kills his best friend (or any of Style's loved ones really, like his dad), I think that's the one exception to the rule. I do think they would not be able to come back from that.

This moment here is also the first time Style actually begs Fadel for mercy. Yes, back at the pool he also worked on Fadel not firing that life-ending shot, but back then Style was mostly angry and annoyed and only a little scared. Yes, he did ask Fadel not to kill him, but back then Style was begging for his life, not for mercy. Back then Style didn't ask Fadel to show compassion. But now Style is on his knees, desperately begging Fadel to be merciful, to show compassion, to really think things through. Fadel stares at him.

Fadel may not appreciate the loyalty Style has shown him over the last few days, but Kant very much does appreciate Style's loyalty and voices it, too: "I'm happy to have called you a friend." Style replies "Thank you for making my life such an adventure. It's been so goddamn fun, you know that?" and now tears start falling from his eyes as he's speaking. And what I love about this is despite how Style is crying and despite how upset he is in this moment and despite how terrified he is about their (Kant's) death, for Style his potential goodbye to Kant isn't a tragedy. No, it's a celebration. Style is upset and he is sad and he is desperate and afraid, but he smiles a genuine smile through his tears as he speaks his potential last words that Kant may get to hear from him. It's a celebration of their friendship. Style takes this tragic moment and turns it into a happy one. Because if death is inevitable, he at least wants to spend their (Kant's) dying moment in happiness and with good memories in mind. Kant acknowledges that celebration with a smile and a nod, which Style returns.

But Fadel stays stubborn. "How can we be sure you're not just fooling us again?" Style's smile and brief moment of happiness has disappeared when he replies to Fadel. "You think I'd risk my life for all this if I didn't really have feelings for you?" Style is still firm, but now all the anger from moments before is completely gone. Only hurt and despair is left. Style is asking Fadel All this time you never thought or cared to see my perspective, did you? He's telling Fadel I'm here before you, literally begging you on my knees and you are STILL not willing to believe a single word out of my mouth nor any of my actions. Style may always act like Fadel's continuous stabs at him just bounce right off, but at the end of the day it does hurt him that Fadel keeps pushing him away, keeps refusing to appreciate or at the very least acknowledge Style's genuine sincerity. Style's words are reproachful, like he's asking What else do I still need to do in order to prove to you that I'm being serious, no tricks? How much longer will you disregard my very real feelings? Are you really that stubborn? Is this really the hill you're going to die on?

Now Kant jumps in with a beg of his own to support Style: "People make mistakes. Won't you give me a chance? I really love your brother, and my friend really loves you. The two of us will do anything to make sure the two of you get the life you want." Fadel looks at Style after Kant says "The two of us will do anything to make sure the two of you get the life you want." Style has his eyes fixed on Fadel and despite Style still being tense and his breathing being shaky, the expression on Style's face is firm and determined. Style really meant every single thing he just said or did. And he is especially determined in his decision to die alongside Kant. Style is sending a couple of messages to Fadel here. He's saying Since you're always disregarding my own feelings on this matter anyway it really seems like you don't give a shit about me after all, so killing me in addition to Kant really shouldn't be a problem for you at all, so go on, do it. He's telling him If you kill him, you kill me too. If not physically, then at the very least emotionally. He's asking Won't you finally believe that I'm undoubtedly serious and honest about everything and especially about you?

Style is also observing Fadel, watching Fadel intently to see what he's doing, to see what his next move is going to be. Fadel, who was staring at Style, looks back to Kant, then throws Style another look.

And that's when he makes the decision to not to shoot. To put the gun away, instead. And that decision was without a doubt made for Style, not for Bison. I think Style's words (and especially also the unspoken ones) got to him and more importantly, he got to see Style's loyalty in full action. And that was crucial for Fadel to see, because if Style is this loyal to Kant, then if Style's love for Fadel is true, Fadel can expect the same loyalty from him down the line. In fact, Style actually has shown Fadel the same loyalty all along already, or else he wouldn't have followed Fadel to Bison's island, nor would he have thrown himself in the line of fire at the store to protect Fadel. Although I'm not sure Fadel is really ready to truly look at and acknowledge that in this moment.

Fadel puts the gun down and walks a few steps away. Both Bison and Style rush to Kant to check on him. Once Style has made sure Kant is alright, he looks to Fadel. Fadel is looking at him too.

Then Fadel looks at the rest and asks "Any of you allergic to seafood?" And yes, that comment is funny, but it's funny in a way that in German we call Situationskomik (= situational comedy, comedy of the situation). I really don't think Fadel is making a joke here (like. that is NOT the face of a man who is cracking a joke). No, I think this is a peace offering, actually. It's an unspoken peace offering, because cooking for someone else is a gesture of care. And instead of killing Kant, Fadel offers to cook for everyone which includes Kant.

No. 6: Encouragement

Style on the phone with his dad and I'm relieved, because I'd been worrying about his dad with Style suddenly disappearing just like that without a word. And I'm sooo so glad the series spent a moment on showing us the relationship between Style and his dad again. Like, of course Style is gonna call his dad so that his dad doesn't have to worry. Bison is concerned that Style's dad will be mad if Style shows up back home all banged up like that, but Style is confident he can come up with some superhero story and promises not to spill the beans on Fadel and Bison. Style and Bison have some friendly banter until Bison tells Style that Fadel wants to talk to him and said for Style to meet him at the beach. Style is suddenly worried that Fadel changed his mind and wants to shoot him after all, since Style had already offered as much when he was on his knees earlier that day.

I think we have well-established by now that there is no way Fadel is capable of killing Style, and as I mentioned, I think Style is confident in that, too. So I don't think Style thinks Fadel is actually planning to kill him for real, I think he's mostly just being overdramatic and exaggerating again. Bison then plays along and says "No way. The worst he'd do would be trying to drown you" and when Style blinks at Bison and stares at him in shock I think it's because Style doesn't immediately recognize that this is a joke. After all, he hasn't really spent all that much time with Bison, so he doesn't really know Bison and his humor all that well. So Style stares at Bison with big eyes, then tilts his head and squeezes his eyes a bit, trying to figure out whether Bison is being serious right now and if this is something Fadel would actually do (after all, Bison knows Fadel's killer side a hell of a lot better than Style does) or whether Bison is just joking. Bison notices Style's struggle and clears up that he's just kidding and that Fadel wouldn't do that. But it's already too late. Bison's got Style genuinely concerned now. Fadel has proven over and over again that he won't be shooting Style, but who said anything about drowning Style? It's a possibility that Style had not yet considered.

Bison laughs and asks if Style really does like Fadel. All the fear and worry from a second ago disappears instantly as Style firmly tells him "Whatever Kant feels about you, that's how I feel about your brother. If you understand him, you should be able to understand me." Style fell in love with Fadel in episode 5 and absolutely nothing that has happened since, and especially absolutely nothing that has happened since Fadel drugged him at the hospital has changed any about that. Style chose Fadel at the end of episode 5 and he is still very set on that decision.

Bison advises Style that Style needs to prove his feelings to Fadel and tells Style "He acts all tough and rough on the outside, but on the inside, he’s just a softie". Style laughs. He did get to see that for himself during that short time period where he and Fadel were actually happy in their relationship. Bison continues: "He never hesitates when he kills. So if you're still alive, that means he's got a soft spot for you." Again, I think this is something that Style has absolutely clocked already and even called out (both explicitly at the beginning of the episode when he said "You can't kill me. You love me" as well as implicitly whenever he was teasing Fadel, for example in his hitman-teerak monologue or when he quoted Popcorn's words and went "I deserve to die" and cockily leaned his head back to mimic giving his life over to Fadel), but I also think that it still hits kinda different to hear it from someone who first of all has an outside perspective on things and second of all who knows Fadel's killer side better than anyone, from someone who's seen over and over again what Fadel is like when he's murderous, from someone who can absolutely judge the difference. Which Style can't, because he's never seen Fadel actually kill anyone, even if he got close to witnessing it a few times.

Style had started to get discouraged, because Fadel just wouldn't budge and just wouldn't let Style back in and Style just kept hitting one wall after another. And we can't forget that Style spent a lot of time repeatedly hitting walls for the first four episodes already and even when Fadel let him in, Fadel never let him in 100% (only 80%) and so even then Style still came across walls. And I think on top of being discouraged, Style was also starting to get tired a bit. It must be quite exhausting to be this persistent, let's be real. There is only so much energy you can spend on running after someone who keeps pushing you away again and again and keeps being harsh to you. Fadel hasn't even talked to Style or checked on him since Style woke up after the surgery. As far as we're aware of, the only time they've talked since then was when Style was begging for mercy on his knees. So yeah. That sure is encouraging.

But first with Kant's optimism and now with Bison's support as well, Style is starting to feel like maybe not all is lost after all. Hesitantly, he asks Bison:

You think I still have hope? มึงว่ากูยังมีหวังอยู่ป่ะวะ [mueng - wâa - guu - yang - mii - wăng - yùu - bpà - wá] you - think - I - still - have - hope - [auxiliary verb] - ? - [particle] Official subs: You think… I have a chance?

Style is starting to get his hopes up a little bit again. Maybe Fadel will take him back and be nice to him again. Bison is absolutely convinced: "Go for it. After all you've risked your life for, what else do you even have to be scared of now?" Style looks towards the ground, uncertain. Yeah, what else could he be scared of?

Nothing, except Fadel potentially drowning him in the ocean instead of rejecting him like a normal person. Or, you know, just the rejection in general, even if it doesn't come with murder. Honestly, at this point I think Style is also lowkey nervous, because now he really does have (strong) feelings for Fadel and Fadel being willing to be his boyfriend (again. or still) matters more than anything this time around. What will Style do if Fadel rejects him again?

Bison taps his shoulder encouragingly and walks off. Style stays back, thinking everything over.

How is he going to proceed from here? Is he going to try yet again and risk running into another wall as always? Or is he just gonna let it go and finally leave Fadel alone?

No. 7: A Vow Fulfilled

Style does go to the beach. When he arrives, Fadel is already there which makes sense, since Bison did tell Style that Fadel wanted to talk to him at the beach. Except Fadel immediately snaps at Style about what Style is doing here and asks about Bison. Style informs him that Bison was actually the one who said Fadel wanted to talk to Style right here. I think based on Fadel's facial journey and the fact that he moves to walk right off, Style can tell that Bison lied, probably to get Fadel and Style to talk to each other. And now, with new found hope, Style does very much have something to talk to Fadel about. So he catches Fadel's arm and pulls him back, asking him to at least stay for a chat. Fadel isn't really convinced and Style hits him with a cheeky "I can't sleep unless I talk to you". He then hands Fadel a list of all the relatives he has in his life, because "I want you to be sure that I'm not lying to you again." And I'm just gonna drop the Thai line again, because – ding ding ding, you guessed it! Our favorite word หลอก [lòhk] from last episode makes an appearance again:

I want you to be confident that I won't deceive you again. กูอยากให้มึงมั่นใจว่ากูจะไม่หลอกมึงอีก [guu - yàak - hâi - mueng - mân-jai - wâa - guu - jà - mâi - lòhk - mueng - ìik] I - want - that - you - (be) certain, confident - that - I - will - not - trick, deceive - you - again

If you haven't read my ep8 meta, I would encourage you to go read at least sections 6, 9 and 10, so that you have context for its significance. Last episode Style figured out that having been tricked (especially into love) was the one big thing that Fadel was really mad about. Last episode Fadel asked Style "You think that you deceiving (tricking) me is no big deal?" when they were sitting on the couch, then later when they were dancing, Style acknowledged that it is in fact a big deal and tells Fadel "But I'm ready to do anything to make you forgive me." Later in the bathtub Style acknowledges again that he did a bad thing by tricking (deceiving) and betraying Fadel (again I refer you to section 10 of my ep8 meta). And now, as Style is actively doing something in the hopes that it will finally make Fadel forgive him, he once again repeats to him the exact thing that Fadel is mad about, promising he won't be tricking/deceiving Fadel ever again. And yeah, the official translation isn't exactly wrong, because lying is in fact a thing that comes with deceiving or tricking people and this word can be translated as "lying", but I just want some consistency in the word choice. Because I'm sure the consistency of the word choice หลอก [lòhk] in the original Thai was very much on purpose. Otherwise they could have just had the characters say โกหก [goh-hòk] (= to lie) or some other word at some point too. But no, they kept (and keep) saying หลอก [lòhk] while the subs are all over the place (from "made someone do something" to "lying" to "fooling someone" etc. etc. -> these are just the ones off the top of my head). The translation student in me wants to scream. I might turn this into my master's thesis.

Anyway, now that this rant is out of the way, let's continue: So Style explicitly tells Fadel he won't be หลอก [lòhk]-ing him anymore and if he does end up doing it again, then Fadel is free to kill him together with his entire family. Fadel is outraged: "You're selling your whole family out for this? And you said you're a family man." And here's the literal translation, for those who are interested (it doesn't really change much):

You're selling your relatives to me? นี่มึงขายญาติให้กูเลยนะ [nîi - mueng - kăai - yâat - hâi - guu - loiie - ná] [interjection] - you - sell - relatives - to - me - [particle] - [particle] But you said you love your family, didn't you? ไหนมึงบอกว่ามึงรักครอบครัวไม่ใช่หรอ [năi - mueng - bòhk wâa - mueng - rák - krôp-kruua - mâi châi - rŏh] but - you - said that - you - love - family - no - ?

Style doesn't see a problem: "Because I know for a fact that I won't ever lie to you again." And yes, he does repeat the word หลอก [lòhk], thanks for asking. In fact, his wording is actually almost the same as earlier:

Well, I'm confident that I definitely won't deceive you again. ก็กูมั่นใจไงว่ากูจะไม่หลอกมึงอีกแน่นอน [gôh - guu - mân-jai - ngai - wâa - guu - jà - mâi - lòhk - mueng - ìik - nâe-non] well - I - (be) certain, confident - [particle] - that - I - will - not - trick, deceive - you - again - definitely, for sure

But Fadel, on top of being hurt that he was หลอก [lòhk]-ed by Style, he is now also offended that he is worth only a car to Style and sasses Style about it: "From what you did to me, I just hope that car's a real beauty." And it's actually kinda funny, because Style agreed to make Fadel his boyfriend, but it's been how many episodes since they've started dating?? And we have yet to see Style with said car. In fact, the only time that he went to Kant to claim the car was when he happily bragged about Fadel being his boyfriend the moment he started dating him many episodes ago, but then Kant told him about Fadel's real occupation and Style was like fuck that, keep your car, I'm out. And even when he agreed to stay with Fadel anyway, Style still didn't leave with the car. In fact, as of episode 6 it was Kant who was still in possession of the car, despite Style and Fadel being head over heels in love by that point (I've reached image limit, but we see Kant and Bison arrive at the bowling alley in that car at the end of episode 6 part 1). Style may have gone into it for the car, but he never actually took the car and by now the car is long forgotten. I didn't go and check, but as far as I remember Style hasn't even brought the car up to Kant ever since that scene in episode 4 where he initially came to claim it. At this point, Style would much rather have Fadel than the car anyway.

Fadel doesn't know any of that, of course. He doesn't know that Style isn't even in possession of the car (for now). And so Fadel drops a bitchy comment about it. Style's eyes widen and he immediately knows that Kant must have told Fadel. Fadel confirms and yells at him: "How are you gonna defend yourself now?" Shit. Style hadn't prepared for that conversation before he made his way down to the beach. Style hesitates a bit as he searches for words and the best way to defend himself without pissing Fadel off even more and making him run away again. Style's voice sounds a little stressed when he tells Fadel that it was only in the beginning that he wasn't being sincere. Fadel stares at him wordlessly. When Style continues to say "But after spending time with you" the stress from just now is gone and when he says "I've changed" his voice is very sincere and there's also an urgency that comes with it. Style really means what he says and it's important to him that Fadel believes him, too. But Fadel just looks away. So Style continues: "I never let anyone get the better of me. But for you, I'd do it again and again. I think we get along well." Now let me just share the Thai wording again:

Usually, I never lose to anyone. ปกติกูไม่เคยแพ้ใครนะ [bpòk-gà-dtì - guu - mâi koiie - páe - krai - ná] usually - I - never - lose (to) - anyone - [particle] But I have a soft spot for you. แต่กูแพ้ทางมึงว่ะ [dtàe - guu - páe taang - mueng - wâ] but - I - have a soft/weak spot for - you - [particle] I think we can have a life together. กูว่าเราสองคนอยู่ด้วยกันได้ [guu - wâa - rao sŏng kon - yùu - dûuay gan - dâai] I - think - the two of us - be, live - together - can, be able to

(Side note: there's a word play in the first and second line: to lose = แพ้ [páe] vs. to have a soft/weak spot = แพ้ทาง [páe taang])

Style uses the word แพ้ [páe] here, which means "to lose" or "to be defeated". And where have we heard Style use that word before? In episode 4, when Fadel drags him out of the Rise Up meeting and into the hallway. Once in the hallway, Style says: "I don't take defeats." And then we actually heard something similar again in episode 5 when Fadel tells Style "A guy like me doesn't know how to accept defeat" during their go-kart date. And now here Style is, standing in front of Fadel, telling him Fine. You win. I lose. And gladly so, if it means I get to have you in my life. Because he thinks they can be together. Style wants that and he's serious about it. Fadel looks away and sighs. So Style continues talking. And I'm just gonna share the literal translation again, not because it really makes any difference in meaning, but because I think some of you might be curious:

The thing I can do now is to convince you that I will be by your side. สิ่งที่กูทำได้ตอนนี้อ่ะ ก็คือพูดให้มึงเชื่อมั่นว่ากูจะอยู่ข้างมึง [sìng - tîi - guu - tam dâai - dton-níi - àh • gôh keu - pûut hâi mueng chêuua-mân - wâa - guu - jà - yùu - kâang mueng] thing - that - I - can do - now - [particle] • is - convince you - that - I - will - be - your side Official subs: The only thing I can do right now is promise you that I'll be by your side. But if you give me a chance แต่ถ้ามึงให้โอกาสกูอ่ะ [dtàe - tâa - mueng - hâi - oh-gàat - guu - àh] but - if - you - give - chance - me - [particle] Official subs: But if you give me a chance I will show you that I'm serious. กูจะทำให้มึงเห็นว่ากูเอาจริง [guu - jà - tam hâi - mueng - hĕn - wâa - guu - ao jing] I - will - make that - you - see - that - I - serious Official subs: I can show you I mean every word.

Fadel, who looked back at Style when he talked about being at Fadel's side, now looks away again and sighs for a second time. He remains stubborn. But Style won't be discouraged. He's made the decision to try getting through to Fadel once more and so he's on a mission now. "You don't believe me? Fine." Stupidly stubborn guys require stupidly silly methods. And at this point I really wanna share @ginnymoonbeam's words on this post:

You know when you've been fighting about something for a long time and eventually you get to a point where you know the other person has won, but you're too stubborn to just give up your position? That's Fadel. Everyone knows he isn't going to kill Style, that he loves Style, that he dragged him on this road trip because he wants to be with Style. He knows it too, but he's climbed on this hill-to-die-on and can't see his way down. Style's dramatic little stunt gives him a way to climb down. He has to get in the water because Style is the one being stubborn and unreasonable. It's gotta be a scene with a sense of urgency to break through that last resistance, but it also has to be something deeply stupid, because a genuine dangerous crisis takes his focus elsewhere. Fortunately manufacturing a deeply stupid emergency situation is right in Style's lane.

If Fadel wants to remain on that hill, then Style will just have to walk straight into the ocean. And he'll just keep walking until Fadel climbs down from that hill and gives him a chance after all. Even if Fadel's mirror last episode said that bad people don't deserve chances. And Style clearly is bad people for tricking Fadel into loving him and being crazy about him and then betraying him. And according to Fadel's mirror people who trick others into loving them all deserve to die. So instead of having Fadel drown him, Style will just willingly go drown himself in the ocean. He deserves to die for tricking Fadel after all. And so Style walks on. But suddenly Fadel starts getting stressed. He shouts after Style that his wound is going to get infected and but Style is determined to show just how serious he is: "And I will die of that, too!" Style is bad people and Style deserves to die for his sins and so Style will drown himself in the ocean and let the infected wound kill him on top of that. For love. Style walks and walks and makes a big show out of it and his injury gets closer and closer to the water and Fadel gets more and more stressed until he breaks after all: "Fine! I'll give you a chance." Style smiles for a moment, before he raises his eyebrows like Oh, is that so? and questions Fadel: "Really?"

Style knows he's won now, but the thing is that Fadel was reeeally stubborn for a reeeally long time and Style reeeally had to work for Fadel to utter the words "I'll give you a chance". And so Style decides drag it out a little longer. I think he partly does it to playfully mess with Fadel a bit, partly simply just to be a little shit and give Fadel a bit of a taste of his own medicine, and also partly because just as much as Fadel needed to see proof of Style's sincerity, Style also wants to see some proof that Fadel really means it when he says he'll give Style a chance. After all, Style's heart is on the line here, too. And there's only so much rejection a man in love can take. Style doesn't want that chance if Fadel is just gonna turn around and go back to making death threats again as soon as Style is back out of the water. And so instead of walking back to land, Style calls out "Nah, I’m gone. There’s no way you mean it." And let me just–

You're tricking me for sure. มึงหลอกกูแน่ [mueng - lòhk - guu - nâe] you - trick, deceive - me - for sure Official subs: There's no way you mean it.

Yup. Our favorite word is back. Fadel has repeatedly thrown it into Style's face that Style tricked him and now Style is turning Fadel's words back around on him. And it's not in a malicious way, no, Style is affectionately teasing Fadel with it and also being a bit of a little shit and also, as I just said, I do think Style is also lowkey worried that Fadel is in fact just tricking him. And I do think Style wants to confirm that this is not the case. By the way, I'm not sure Style's tease even registered in Fadel's brain, because he's so stressed and he's already moving to walk into the water the moment the words "I'm gone" are out of Style's mouth. As Fadel walks up to him in the water, Style watches him with a happy, expectant expression on his face. That expression turns serious as Fadel approaches him.

Style's behavior just now as he was walking into the ocean was very playful, very silly in order to get Fadel to loosen up and to lose his grumpiness a bit and to get Fadel to climb down from his hill of stubbornness. But what he has to say Fadel is actually very serious: "I promise you that, from now on, you'll only see the 100% real me." I think this is a big relief for Style, because we saw how much he was longing to be able to talk freely about everything with Fadel as far back as episodes 5 and 6. Fadel says "Besides work, I've been real to you from day one" and Style just looks at him without replying, because Fadel is kind of right. Although, it's not like Style could just say it, because apart from the deal with the car, the whole being a police snitch was Kant's thing, not Style's and so it was Kant's secret to spill. And it's not like Style could have just told Fadel Kant's secret, because Kant would have been a dead man right there and then. Style got as close as he could to spilling the secret without actually spilling it and I think especially that night at the rock concert Style would have like nothing more than to come clean and to stop Fadel from going on that mission, but it would have been at the cost of Kant's life and only two scenes ago we saw that Style will not have that.

As much as Style was Style for walking into the ocean just like that, Fadel is also Fadel and of course can't let this go without making another threat: "If you don't stay true to me after this, you'll find out how I deal with liars."

If you aren't real with me after this, you better watch out. หลังจากเนี้ยถ้ามึงไม่เรียลกับกู มึงเจอดีแน่ [lăng jàak - níia - tâa - mueng - mâi - riial - gàp - guu • mueng - jer - dii - nâe] after - this - if - you - not - real - with - me • you - meet - good - for sure

Bye the way, I'm not sure how obvious it is to non-Thai speakers, but whenever they talk about "being real" they actually use the English word "real". And I just wanted to put the Thai wording here, because Fadel also uses the anglicism "real" here when the subs talk about "staying true". Also, his threat is way less elaborate. Literally, the threat translates to something like "to meet good" (like, you'll meet something good as in something bad will happen to you).

Style doesn't talk back. He stays quiet. And I think it's because at this point there isn't really a lot he can say. It's true that he hadn't been real with Fadel and so he quietly accepts his fate. Style then also huffs a little and looks at Fadel fondly. Because even if Fadel just threatened him again, it still implied that they really will have a "from now on" together. And that makes Style happy. That's exactly what he just walked into the ocean for. After a moment, Fadel prompts Style to get out of the water before his wound gets infected. And now Style starts talking back again and teases Fadel: "Even when you're threatening me, you're worried about me."

And here I wanna share the literal wording again, because it reminds me of some other scenes. And let me just explain this one word before I do... So where the subs say "threatening", Style uses the word โหด [hòht] which is a word I actually discussed with my Thai friend after episode 7 and he explained that it can be translated in a few different ways depending on context, but usually it means "cruel" or "aggressive" or "brutal". I'm gonna go with "harsh" as a translation to have some consistency, because I feel like this word could work for all the lines that I'm about to drop.

In episode 4, when Style showed up in the kitchen he told Fadel:

No matter how harsh you are, I'm still hooked on you. มึงโหดแค่ไหนอ่ะ กูก็ยังติดใจมึงอยู่ดี [mueng - hòht - kâe năi - àh • guu - gôh - yang - dtìt-jai - mueng - yùu dee] you - harsh - how much - [particle] • I - [sentence link] - still - hooked - you - anyway Official subs: It doesn't matter how scary you are, I'm still hooked.

Then, in episode 7 when Fadel surprise attacked Style with a shower of kisses at the garage, Fadel had following complaint to Style:

When I'm sweet, you don't like it. ตอนกูหวานมึงก็ไม่ชอบ [dton - guu - wăan - mueng - gôr - mâi - chôp] when - I - sweet - you - [sentence link] - not - like Official subs: You don't like me being nice. When I'm harsh, you still scold me. ตอนกูโหดมึงก็ด่ากู [dton - guu - hòht - mueng - gôr - dàa - guu] when - I - harsh - you - [sentence link] - scold - me Official subs: You complain when I'm cold.

Now in episode 9, Style's words are very reminiscent of that complaint:

Even when you're this harsh, you're still sweet with me. นี่ขนาดโหดนะเนี่ย ยังหวานกับกูเลย [nîi - kà-nàat hòht - ná - nîia • yang - wăan - gàp - guu - loiie] [interjection] - this harsh - [particle] - [particle] • still - sweet - with - me - [particle] Official subs: Even when you're threatening me, you're worried about me.

When Style comments "How adorable", he's still teasing Fadel, but you can also clearly see just how delighted and happy he is that Fadel really seems to mean it when he says he'll give Style a chance after all. He looks at Fadel with the brightest smile. But Fadel has spent a lot of time being angry and hurt and grumpy and stubborn and so he isn't gonna be cheesy from one second to the next. And so he speaks out another (very empty, almost joking) threat as he warns Style he can be worse. "You want that?" Style says no. But if Fadel is already letting him put in requests, then Style wants Fadel to use only his sweet side.

From now on I want you to use only your sweet side. ต่อไปนี้กูอยากให้มึงใช้แต่ด้านหวาน [dtòh bpai níi - guu - yàak - hâi - mueng - chái - dtàe - dâan wăan] from now on - I - want - that - you - use - only - sweet side Official subs: From now on, I just want to see you being lovey-dovey.

This actually makes Fadel laugh a bit and ask for clarification and when he looks at Style after that, his face is suddenly so much softer. Style explains: "In a situation like this, if we weren't fighting, what would you like to do to me?" He smiles at Fadel, his face expectant and mixed with almost a sort of innocence like Oh, this is totally not an implicit request for you to kiss me and it also has a bit of a challenging flair like Do you dare to kiss me? The message reaches Fadel loud and clear. He dares. As long as Style is alive he'd make Fadel kiss him again. And Style did. Fadel is kissing him. By Fadel's own choice. Style left it entirely up to him, didn't force Fadel to kiss him, didn't get physically close to him, didn't try to seduce him in any way, didn't even explicitly say the words "kiss me" out loud. In fact, Style asked "What would you like to do to me?" and Fadel could really have chosen to do anything, but what Fadel wanted to do was to kiss Style. Style may have said earlier that he'd lose to Fadel, but is Style really losing here with Fadel back at his side?

Now. The eyes. Let me address the eyes, because I've seen talk about it. Honestly, the way Style's eye keep fluttering open kinda reminds me of what I wrote about the ep6 rock concert kiss and forehead touch in my ep6 meta:

They seal that promise with a kiss. And it's interesting, because Style doesn't immediately close his eyes when Fadel goes to kiss him but instead looks at him for a moment longer. And then his eyes keep fluttering open for a moment. It's almost as if he can't tear his eyes away from Fadel, as if he can't help but use every opportunity to look at Fadel, to catch every last glimpse of Fadel while he still has the opportunity to do so. They break apart and Fadel tells Style that he's (also) very happy tonight and Style (re)confirms his own happiness. They lean their foreheads against each other. And again, Style can't really close his eyes and fully sink into the moment the way Fadel can. It's like he tries to close his eyes but they keep fluttering open a second later because he just can't keep his eyes away from Fadel, is compelled to keep looking at him while he still can, while Fadel is still right there with him. And even when they break away from each other and turn to look out of the window towards the stage, it takes Style a couple of seconds to tear his eyes away from Fadel, who is already looking elsewhere.

Except now it's the polar opposite energy. Back at the concert, it was the end for Style. Now in the water it's a (new) beginning. Back at the concert it was like Style had to savor every last look at Fadel that he could get before it was too late. Now in the water it again feels like Style just can't stop looking at Fadel, but for a different reason. I think it's undeniable that Style is deeply in love with Fadel. But Fadel started pushing him away from the moment Bison was stabbed and at first Style didn't even know what the fuck was happening, especially with how weirdly affectionate Fadel had been the day before. And from then on Fadel has just kept pushing Style away again and again, outright tried to murder him even, and then just kept refusing Style, kept refusing to believe Style no matter how much Style tried to show him just how serious he was about his feelings for Fadel and how serious he was about their relationship. Fadel was pushing Style away so much that even Style, our beacon of optimism and hope, believer in the power of love, even he was starting to get discouraged that Fadel would ever take him back. But now Fadel is here, kissing him again. Style can't believe his eyes and it's like he has to keep looking at Fadel to check that he's really not dreaming, that Fadel really is here, standing in front of him, kissing him. It's the relief that he is finally getting his Fadel back which makes him unable to stop looking at Fadel to make sure it's real.

And another aspect my mom actually mentioned when I was talking to her about this scene was that Style is also checking on Fadel. I don't remember her reasoning, but for me personally it's that Fadel has been very hot-and-cold lately, jumping from saving Style's life to pushing him away again and threatening him in the very next moment. And as I mentioned above, Fadel is not the only one with a heart that can get hurt. Style is also human, Style also has a heart, Style can also get hurt. Even if it may not seem like it through his easy-going, unserious, always optimistic personality. Style is human and Style isn't the only one here between the two of them who did something hurtful to the other. And so I think part of the reason why Style's eyes keep fluttering open is to check Fadel's reactions. Because just because Fadel is in hot-mode right now, doesn't mean he won't jump right back into cold-mode from one second to the next. And so Style has to keep checking so that he's prepared for it if it happens again, because I'm not sure Style's heart could handle it if Fadel suddenly pushed him away again now without a warning. It would be like that time Fadel dumped him in the kitchen back in episode 4, except this time Style would probably be even more hurt than back then, because now he is undeniably irrevocably deeply in love with Fadel. If Fadel pushed him away again now I think that would actually break Style for real.

But Fadel doesn't. They break apart and Fadel nuzzles his face into Style's neck for a moment (definitely kissing it) and then they lean their foreheads against each other for a while. Together again at last.

No. 8: Lore

They're back in the room and Fadel is about to finish renewing Style's bandages after their little swim in the ocean. Fadel tells Style not to do something like this again. Style smiles and says "But I gotta pull some dramatic stunt for someone like you." Fadel huffs in response but is otherwise very focused on the bandages and doesn't reply. Now that they're finally one on one again and Style is also no longer dying of pain, he uses the chance to finally, albeit hesitantly, ask about the guy on the photo in the car. One could think that Style asks out of jealousy, but to be honest, I don't think so. As I mentioned in the beginning of this meta, I think he'd have a gut feeling if that guy was someone who could actually be a potential rival. Also, there's a chance that the person on the photo was also just a family member or something, not necessarily someone Fadel was romantically involved with. Besides, Fadel did tell him that he didn't have any past lovers and that he didn't want a lover in the first place to avoid getting anyone in trouble. So I think rather than out of jealousy, Style asks out of curiosity and genuine care. Fadel has shared next to nothing about his past, but Style wants to know. His voice is full of concern, but not because he feels threatened by the guy in the photo. Instead it's genuine worry for Fadel. Style hesitates to ask and seems almost a little nervous, as if he's scared that this question will cause Fadel to shut him out again.

Fadel stares at Style for quite a long moment, then goes back to the bandage without answering Style's question. Style immediately says "I'm sorry for prying. If you don't want to tell me, I understand" and that cements it even more for me that Style isn't asking out of jealousy. Because I think if he was jealous, he'd try to find out more. I don't think he'd be all that chill with Fadel not answering his question. No, I think Style's question is him cautiously trying to learn more about Fadel's past, but Style will also respect Fadel's boundaries if Fadel isn't ready to talk about it. Especially since last time Style insisted on Fadel opening up about his past, Fadel dropped that his parents were shot dead. So when Fadel doesn't answer, Style is quick to let him know that he won't be prying this time and that Fadel doesn't have to talk if he doesn't want to. And it's only then that Fadel makes the decision to open up after all. That guy is his ex. This new information has Style a little speechless as it dawns on him that Fadel lied about not having had a boyfriend before.

Once Style has processed this, he continues to ask how long Fadel had been dating this guy for and the reason why they broke up. And again, I don't think Style is bothered by the fact that Fadel does have an ex. There is so much worry and care in his voice as well as on his face while he talks and listens to Fadel. He genuinely cares to know about Fadel's past. And Fadel shares willingly and without any more hesitation: They were gonna start a life together but then the guy disappeared from one day to the other. Fadel jokes "Maybe he was scared of me, thinking I'd kill him if he broke up with me" and Style huffs and smiles a little, but that smile doesn't really reach his eyes.

Style doesn't think the joke is all that funny. He looks at Fadel fondly, but I think he also really feels for him. He feels bad for him for getting dumped like that and feels sad that Fadel thinks his past lover might have been scared of him, so terrified even that he didn't even want to confront him. And we know the latter part specifically really gets to Style, because the next thing he does is that he grabs Fadel's hand and tells him "I'm not scared of you". And Style is about to continue that sentence, but for a moment he just lets this part stand on its own, lets Fadel process that first before he goes on. Style isn't afraid of Fadel and it's important to him that Fadel knows that. Style continues to say that he hasn't been scared of Fadel since he saved the woman at the bowling alley and I call bullshit on that. I think Style stopped being afraid of Fadel by the end of episode 5 and I wrote 12k words about it. However, I do think the bowling alley incident cemented what Style was saying about Fadel being a good person last episode in the bathtub. Style ends with "You risked your life for a total stranger. I know I'm in love with the right man." And let me just...

A person who risks their own life for someone they don't even know. คนที่เอาชีวิตตัวเองไปเสี่ยงเพื่อคนที่ไม่รู้จักด้วยซ้ำ​ [kon - tîi - ao - chee-wít dtuua eng - bpai - sìiang - pêuua - kon - tîi - mâi - rúu-jàk - dûuay sám] person - that - take - one's own life - go - risk - for - person - that - not - know - even I love the right person. กูรักถูกคนแล้วละ [guu - rák - tùuk - kon - láew - lá] I - love - right - person - already - [particle]

I do much prefer the phrasing of "I love the right person", because it's not just a state of being, but it's something that Style actively does, is actively doing, has actively been doing, actively chooses to do over and over again.

Style's words really hit Fadel. And I think this time, he finally fully believes them, finally lets himself fully believe them. Fadel goes through quite the emotional journey, then grabs Style's arm and puts it over him as he lays his head in Style's lap. Fadel finally gets to be a child seeking comfort. Style's free hand immediately finds Fadel's head to stroke him. At one point Style smiles a little and shakes his head, looking a bit amused.

It's my personal headcanon that in this moment Style is remembering Bison's words about Fadel being all rough on the outside, but actually being a huge softie inside and is laughing to himself about how it's true. He currently has a very soft (and vulnerable) Fadel in his lap after all he roughness that Fadel put him through. They continue to stay like this until the end of the scene.

No. 9: Peace, Joy, Egg Cake

Allow me to bulk the last few scenes into one last section and allow me to mostly just skip over them a bit, since there isn't all that much plot happening here and it's more about the characters getting to be a little happy again at the end of this story arc before we go into the last bit (can you tell I'm just trying to get this meta done asap so I can hopefully drop it before ep10 lmao).

We got our OT4 happily playing frisbee in the water and it makes me laugh how Style's wound getting infected apparently isn't the same big problem anymore as it was the night before. It also makes me laugh how Style is apparently also perfectly capable of lifting an entire human man with that injured arm of his. I remember this one time a couple of years ago where I scraped open my entire leg and I couldn't walk on it for at least a week without being in pain, so like. Good on your pain tolerance @ Style, I guess. Same thing with Bison and his stab wound. And Fadel's sprained arm has magically healed as well, apparently. Not to mention Kant with his ocean trauma having absolutely no problem letting loose in the ocean water. This show is so unserious, I love it.

After they're done playing in the water, they sit on the shore and have a conversation about staying on the island, except Fadel reminds Bison that they still have one last job to do. Although Fadel then also says "Once we wrap up the last mission, we can go anywhere and do anything. Not sure if they'd come with us, though." For the last sentence, Fadel turns his head and says it directly into Style's face. This statement was 100000% directed at Style and Style alone, not Kant. Style stares at Fadel for a moment and then makes a face like My love, do you really even need to ask after I've followed you all the way here?

Then he says "Just tell me where, and I'll go with you." and I shake my hands at the writers in disappointment, because this would have been THE opportunity to bring back "hitman teerak". Especially because the wording is also kind of similar.

Episode 7: Tell me where you wanna go na krub, hitman-teerak. มึงอยากไปไหนอ่ะ บอกกูมาเลยนะครับนักฆ่าที่รัก [mueng - yàak - bpai - năi - àh • bòhk guu maa - loiie - ná - kráp - nák-kâa - tîi-rák] you - want - go - where - [particle] • tell me - [particle] na - krub - hitman - teerak Official subs: I'll drive you where you want me to go, my dear hitman. Episode 9: Tell me where you're going. I'm all ready to go. จะไปที่ไหนก็บอก กูพร้อมไปอยู่ละ [jà - bpai - tîi năi - gôh - bòhk • guu - próm - bpai - yùu - lá] will - go - where - [sentence link] - tell • I - ready- go - [auxillary verb] - [particle] Official subs: Just tell me where, and I'll go with you.

Please tell me, does the episode 9 sentence not scream for a "hitman teerak" drop? Does it not look a little incomplete?

Anyway, Style continues to say a very Style thing and Fadel laughs. This has Kant quite impressed. I have not gone back and checked if Kant is right about never having seen Fadel laugh, but I'm just gonna assume it's true. The only scene that I can think of where Kant may have seen Fadel laugh is at the bowling alley in episode 5, but Kant would have had to be looking at Fadel to see actually see that. Also let me just...

Please, the way Style is smiling so brightly at Fadel. He's so over the moon to have his Fadel back. With everyone being so happy and cute it just has me very worried about what next episode might have in store for them, especially considering the preview (we're not gonna have any more injuries on this show, are we? 🥺🙏).

As for Style's mood in the scene with everyone on the boat on the way back to land, I'm just gonna leave Joong's tweet here...

(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep4 | Ep5 | Ep6 | Ep7 | Ep8 | Ep10)

[wordsaresimple-imnot]

So I’m a HUGE fan of angst. With Joe’s temper and with being unhinged from the war, any kind of physical affection can get a little rough. 😈 I feel like it’s totally his style and everyone needs to know it. Frienemies to lovers with angst and classy smut and a happily ever after is how we all deserve Joe Liebgott. 😘🥰 🪖♠️ 🦅

Oil and water - Joe Liebgott x F!Reader

Warnings: 18+ content, smut (p in v), fingering, angry sex to soft sex, mentions of violence and war/death, cursing, 1st person POV (female), female body part descriptions.

A/N: I have the biggest respect for the real life heroes of WWII (and all other wars, past & current), this work & all other works is based on the actor(s) and character(s) portrayed in the Band of Brothers series.

A/N pt 2: I had so much fun with this request and wrote this faster than any of my other fics! I hope you like it, @she-wolf09231982lovely, and that I did it justice!! Please let me know what you think and if you want a different one done if I didn't quite hit the points you wanted. As always, feel free to leave comments, likes, and reblogs; they make me happy! :)

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Another punch echoes in the room, followed by more yelling. The man sitting in the chair can barely open his eyes as blood covers his entire face. I try to find any sense of morality and sympathy but come up with nothing. He's a replacement that got drunk, killed two German's and shot Chuck Grant in the head before stealing a car and trying to hide. He'd yet to show any type of remorse for his actions and the men around me were getting closer and closer to doling out their own personal justice.

Everyone got quiet and backed out of the way when Spiers came in like a dark thundercloud and hit the man across the face. In the blink of an eye, he had a gun pointed right at the man's face and just held it there. My stomach dropped and I glanced over at Liebgott next to me, but his face was dark and unfazed. Spiers would probably kill this man and no one was going to bat an eye. This was wrong. The war is over and we are still losing our friends and companions.

After a long, tense moment Spiers lowers his gun and commands us to take the man to the MP's. As he's walking away I hear him tell Tab that Grant is going to pull through, thanks to a Kraut doctor. For the first time since this night started I feel like I can breathe a little. I follow the rest of my company into the street as we follow Spiers' orders. Suddenly a scuffle erupts and our prisoner has briefly broken free from the group and is trying to run away.

I'm the closest to him and immediately run and tackle him to the ground. As I'm attempting to get him flipped around and restrained, he elbows me hard in the gut knocking the air out of me. As I'm trying to catch my breathe, a pair of arms lifts me up and I'm being pulled away from the group. Someone is steering me to an empty house and all I can hear is more yelling and fighting behind us.

Once we are inside and seating in someone's abandoned house on a couch, I look up to see who I'm with. Liebgott. To say I'm shocked is an understatement. We only look out for each other during battle, because that's our job and we are soldiers. The only times we semi get along is when we are around our friends and can use them as buffers. It's been a running joke through Easy that we are oil and water and should never be left alone together because we'd both end up dead. Now here we are totally alone and emotions are running off the rails.

"You hurt?" His face is stone cold and his voice is almost filled with disgust, like he was forced to look after me and didn't put himself in this situation.

"I'm fine. You can go." I bite out, wincing as I press on the tender spot.

"Stop being such an uptight bitch. Let me look." Liebgott rolls his eyes as he moves my hands away and lifts up my shirt. I glare at him and then glance down. The spot is a deep red and I can see spots where my blood vessels have burst. It's gonna be a hell of a bruise soon.

"Okay, you got to lift my shirt up. Good job. Go away." I shift out of his hold and cover my torso again. His glare hardens on me.

"What's your fucking problem?"

Scoffing, I jump up and pace a little ways away. "We just beat a fellow soldier bloody and Spiers almost shot him right in front of us. He deserves to be punished for what he did, but we can't start taking justice into our own hands. That's now who we are!"

"Spiers should have killed him. Grant is our friend. If anyone should give that punishment, it should have been one of us." His voice is cold and detached. We were never best friends, but it hurts a part of my heart to hear how this war has been changing him.

"Of course you would say that." I laugh humorlessly and spin to face him. He jumps up from the couch and stomps over to get in my face.

"What's that mean?"

"I heard about your little road trip the other day. I know shit's been different since Landsberg, but that's no excuse to go hunting people down and playing judge, jury, and executioner." I straighten my back and stand still as he leans further into my face. He's never focused so much anger towards me before but I'll be damn if I show any type of reaction to it.

"You don't know fucking shit. How can you? It's not your people that's been tortured and killed this whole war. Now why don't you go bat your pretty little eyes at someone who cares what you think and leave me the fuck alone."

Before I know it, I'm pushing him away from me. Hard. He takes half a step back and continues to glare at me. So I do it again, and again, until I'm beating at his chest with my fists. I'm so angry and he's the perfect target to let it out on. In the blink of an eye he has my hands in a death grip in one of his and is pushing me backwards with his other hand on my waist. He holds my hands above my head as my back hits a wall and keeps his hand on my waist.

I'm not sure who moves their head first, all I know is that we meet in the middle and it's not a kind or tender kiss. It's all teeth and tongue and biting. Neither of us want to submit so we keep at it until we are breathless and our lips are bruised. He releases my hands, which immediately fly to his hair to pull hard enough to make him wince, and places his newly open hand around my throat. When he applies pressure, I moan and press myself closer to him. A flash of something other than anger moves across his eyes; lust.

"You going to be a good girl and take what I give you?" His voice is low and rough. I feel myself clench around nothing. Never one to be agreeable with him, I just smirk.

"Fuck you." Joe just smirks back and shoves his hand that was on my waist down my pants and under my underwear.

"Feels like that's what you want." He watches my face as his fingers glide through my soaked folds, parting them to rub directly on my clit. Another moan escapes me but is cut short by his hand squeezing my neck again. "Eyes on me."

I open my mouth to say something flippant back but only a gasp comes out when I feel him shove two fingers inside me and start pumping them in and out. The hand on my neck alternates between squeezes and lightly stroking my skin. I keep my eyes on his face, taking in how clenched his jaw is and the way his pupils are blown wide. Another moan comes out when he hits a particularly sensitive spot.

He shifts closer to me, angling his hand so he can keep hitting that spot and rub my clit at the same time. His face stops when our lips are a hairs breathe away.

"That's my good girl. Take it." He places a soft kiss against my lips that's such a sharp contrast to the pressure on my neck and movement of his hand inside me. Joe leans his forehead against mine and keeps repeating his previous words as my orgasm gets closer and breaks through so hard I see stars.

As my vision starts to return I hazily watch him bring his soaked hand up to his mouth. The moan he lets out after tasting me is sinful and has me clenching again. When he's done, I pull his head back to mine, kissing and licking his lips begging for entrance. My own moan comes out when he opens his mouth and I taste myself on his tongue. Suddenly we are a blur of moving limps as we dispose of our clothes, not caring where they land and move back to the couch. We land with him on top of me and I roll my hips up to feel his erection slip through my folds.

Just as his tip slips in, Joe freezes above me and time stops. He's got one hand holding my thigh up around his waist and the other is on the arm of the couch, keeping him hovering over me. He trails his hand from my thigh, up my side, over my breast and up to cup my cheek. Our breathing slows down as we just look at each other, his hand holding my face like I might break if he's not careful. I run my own hand up his back and cup his cheek in the same fashion, gently pulling him towards me.

"Are you sure?" He whispers against my lips, eyes searching mine. They're softer now, the anger having melted away and now there's an open rawness in its place. I nod my head and whisper a soft 'yes' as I pull him into our first slow kiss of the evening.

Carefully, he pushes himself inside me and pauses again when he's bottomed out and our hips are flush against each other. We exchange more slow kisses and when I gently nip his lip, he knows it's okay to start moving. Once he sets the pace, slow, thorough and unrushed, we know this isn't just a simple fuck. Neither of us speak, just let ourselves get lost in the feelings as we moan and gasp against each others lips. As I start to clench around him signaling the approach of my second orgasm, I moan his name. Joe picks up the pace, some of the earlier frenzy returning as he focuses on pushing me over the edge again.

All I can keep saying is his name and after a few more thrusts, I'm seeing stars for the second time that night. I feel his thrusts become uneven as he chases his own release, moans flying out of his mouth. When he cums, he presses himself as far into me as he can and says my name like a prayer against my lips. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

Once we've stabled our breathing a little, we shift around so we are laying more comfortably on the couch, him still half inside me, completely entangled together. Joe leans up just enough to pull a blank from the back of the couch over us and tucks me back in against him. It's silent as we enjoy the afterglow and feel of each others skin.

"Did I hurt you?" Joe whispers, kissing the top of my head. I smile and kiss his chest.

"No more than I wanted you to." We share a small laugh. "I thought oil and water could never mix."

Joe pulls back enough to look at my face, "I don't think we are oil and water. I think we are something that can't be defined." He drops a kiss on my lips and then lays back down. "Now, get some sleep. We are going for breakfast tomorrow and then wherever you wanna go for the whole day."

I fall asleep with a smile on my face, not knowing he does too.

[star-lights-up]

okay, cherik idea here.

And this is a really, really wacky one.... but hear me out (honestly, I think I'm just built for thinking of/writing crackfics).

So, you know that thing where your brain has to make everything you see, think of, listen to, and talk about relate to your current hyperfixation? Well, if you don't... just know I do.

So, I rewatched the barbie movie tonight (you can see where this is going) and my brain was like, hm, okay, how can we make this cherik?

I present to you: this very dumb idea.

So, it's a few years after the ken takeover and the barbies and kens talking things out and mattel visiting barbieland and that one barbie leaving to be a human, and slowly kens are starting to carve out their own places in society.

Let's look at this one ken. He's always felt a little like the odd one out, even during the ken-mojo-dojo-casa-house-kendom-kenland takeover thing where supposedly all kens were just living their best, most kenough lives. (He wonders sometimes, what the other kens would think, if he knew he'd felt the way about some of them that they had felt for barbies.)

After all that happened, he decided to go to university, since he had always been friends with biologist barbie and doctor barbie and philosophy barbie (okay the other two might not be real but I KNOW doctor barbie's a thing). So he goes, he gets a degree, he's chilling. Whatever. (you guys see where this is going, yeah?)

He also chills with weird barbie all the time, since he finds her really smart and interesting to talk to, and sometimes she has books from the real world that he gets to read. And that's really cool.

Then one day, he gets really sad. And really tired. And he's thinking about loss a lot, like, what if he lost his friends? what if they grow up, and change, and they don't need him anymore? And his wardrobe, which had always been kind of a cute, ken-ish style academia, has gotten super depressing and subdued. And he doesn't know what to make of it.

So, he goes and chats with his friend weird barbie, and she tells him all about the barbie who went to the real world a few years ago -- a story she never wanted to talk about before. She says that this is exactly how that started for her -- and that whoever's playing with him must be experiencing some kind of crisis, and their emotions were bleeding into his life.

And before she can even finish talking, he's gripped with this overwhelming sense of sadness for that person -- and the feeling that he wants to help them stop feeling so awful. And so, when weird barbie says that he could go to the real world to help, he doesn't even think twice.

She does, though, and says that since it worked out so crazy last time, he needs a plan going in. While barbieland has become a little more like the real world, it's still REALLY different. So she has him make up a story and choose a name for himself.

Charles Xavier: thirty three years old. He lived in westchester for years. He has a degree in genetics and a passion for learning (though those aren't a lie). He's estranged from his family, but still has some money (weird barbie gave him this thing called a credit card). He's new to LA.

With that, weird barbie sends him forth into the real world.

(I'm going to take a pause here and just mention that originally i had the ken as erik, but then realized i needed a girldad to be the human. Not that charles isn't, but he's got david, and erik has... wanda, nina, anya, and lorna, not to even mention peter, so we're just sticking with erik as the human and the twins as his kids. no, i can't add all his kids i'm too tired to work them into the plot.)

And everything's different there, and messy, and he finds himself a little intimidated, especially after wandering around and meeting weird people (let's just say he hit a bad spot of the city) and he's about to go home when he stumbles into a library. And it's a little bit like he's seen this library before, somewhere, in a dream... but also like it's his first time seeing this big, beautiful library, and obviously he's a nerd, so it's like a kid in a candy shop.

He's been roaming around the aisles and browsing through some of the books for hours, and then he gets kicked out because it's closing. And it's night. He finds himself walking around, and then stumbling into a fight...

well, not so much a fight -- more just one boy, getting beat up, by a few other boys. Older boys. Bigger boys. Well, bigger than the first boy. Not full grown adults with ken muscles. So, the ken intervenes -- first with his words, then with his fist. And he can't even think about how it hurt to hit those guy's faces when he's focused on comforting the first boy. A boy who... well, the ken almost feels like he knows him, somehow.

He says his name's Pietro, well, nobody calls him that, it's actually peter, and when asked what he's doing there at night he gets really quiet, then admits to the ken -- to... Charles -- that those boys told him to meet them there. That they were going to hang out, finally. That they'd be his friends if he just sucked it up and stopped being such a little wimp and snuck out tonight. So he did, and now his face is all messed up and he got blood on his jeans and his dad is going to be so mad-

Charles manages to calm him down, and he walks the boy home, fending off the creeps of the city because protecting peter has become his new main priority.

And when the door opens, he recognizes the man standing there, just like he recognized the library, just like he recognized peter. And he's not sure why, but he gets the feeling that maybe this is the person he's come to the real world to find.

The man, Erik Lehnsherr, as he introduces himself, is obviously livid, not at Charles, but at peter. He thanks Charles, though, in a very heartfelt manner -- he's so grateful that someone brought his boy back safe.

And then, like that, he says goodbye, and the door closes, and Charles doesn't know what to do. Erik's the person he's come here for, he's sure of that.

He gets himself a hotel room not too far away with weird barbie's credit card, and decides to try and figure it out tomorrow.

Meanwhile, after scolding Peter for sneaking out, cleaning up his face, promising to use his magical homemade stain-remover potion on his son's jeans, and sending the boy to bed, Erik finds himself unable to sleep. It's been like this for months now, really. Ever since the twins have gone to high school he's been feeling down and out.

He goes to his desk in his office, thinking that maybe he can get some work done if he's not going to sleep, and ends up pulling out that stupid ken doll that he saved from the donate bin wanda put out on the street three weeks ago.

When he played dolls with the twins when they were little, this was always the doll they made his doll marry. "dad's ken." Even back then, even when they were making the barbies fight to the death and launch air raid attacks on the legos, his kids didn't want him to be lonely.

Though now, as they're getting older, it's like they've forgotten how they all used to be friends. His friends. Wanda and peter are always fighting now, and peter's hanging out with jerks and sneaking out and getting low grades, and wanda has a boyfriend who seems perfectly nice but there's just got to be something wrong with him and erik worries she's gotten too caught up in all the drama and he's just the same as he's always been. They're growing up, and he can't help them, and sometimes it's like they're changing and growing and he's not -- he's just getting older.

(I'm going to make a side note here -- why the hell have i been typing a cherik barbie au for 45 minutes?? what has this fandom done to my brain???)

His thoughts turn, suddenly, to the kind stranger, Charles, who saved peter tonight. Brought him home safe.

He almost looked a little like the ken. brown hair, blue eyes. But then again, he was better -- he had freckles, too, and his eyes were even bluer than any painted-on blue could be, smart, too, and with that accent... Erik shakes his head, scolds himself for thinking those thoughts about a complete stranger, and forces himself to go to bed, hoping it will all be forgotten in the morning.

But then he sees Charles again. And again. And again.

Charles, at the library he frequents. Charles, at the coffee shop where he goes sometimes after the twins have gone to school. Charles, randomly, on the street, Charles, Charles, Charles.

Meanwhile, Charles -- because, yes, that fits better than ken ever did -- is having the time of his life exploring the human world. He's read so many books. He's eaten so many delicious new foods, and the coffee cups actually have liquid in them (disgusting liquid. He's found he prefers tea). He's found that he really needs a proper cellphone to exist, and goes out and gets one -- making an email with his new name. He finds that there are places he just instinctively recognizes, the way he did the library and erik and peter, and he explores those places -- and new ones, too.

Speaking of Erik; he sees him everywhere. Sometimes it's on purpose -- he does know that the man will frequent the spots he recognizes -- but a lot of the times, really, it's by complete accident.

They strike up a conversation at the library, about a book. Charles mentions that he's kind of new to LA and doesn't really know anyone yet, and Erik asks if he'd like to meet up with some friends of his for drinks sometime. Now, mind you, he has no clue the next time all of them will have an evening free, but the offer's there.

And then Charles asks if maybe, he'd like to sit at the same table together at the cafe tomorrow morning. They're both going. They may as well. Erik accepts, and Charles feels this strange fluttering feeling in his chest -- a little bit like how he'd felt about a few people back at home, but never with this intensity.

They have coffee. They have coffee twice, three times, five times. Ten. Every morning. Coffee turns into dinner, which turns into three dinners, which turns into dating.

Erik makes a joke a few times, about this ken doll that he stole from wanda, the one that they used to joke that he'd marry that looks just like him. And Charles feels that fluttering feeling again, because while Erik may not know it, he's that ken doll, and somehow the idea of having been married to this incredible man, even in a make-believe setting, is amazing.

Charles meets Wanda. Charles hangs out with her and peter and their dad. Charles moves in. Charles comforts a crying wanda when she breaks up with her boyfriend -- and much worse, her best friend is ghosting her too. Charles helps peter with his homework and talks with him about his friendship problems and his problems with his sister. Charles learns to cook, Erik laughing by his side in the kitchen as he burns eggs. Charles meets Erik's friends. Charles gets a teaching position at the nearby university (he found a way to use his barbieland credentials. I'm too tired to think up the specifics right now so that's all I'll say). Charles convinces Erik that he's still living and growing, too, just like his children. To be human is to change, constantly -- an idea he's becoming more and more familiar with as the days pass. While he thinks of his friends back in barbieland from time to time, this, what he has with erik, his new friends, even peter and wanda, this is more real than anything he's ever had before. He feels like a person. Maybe he is. All he knows is he wants to stay.

But, of course, eventually mattel realizes one of their dolls is on the loose in the real world again -- and this issue must be rectified as soon as possible, because, wow, look at what happened last time (they had to continue producing ken's mojo dojo casa houses because people wanted them so bad, even after the ken takeover was over). They notify the heads of their departments: keep a look out for british ken (probably not a thing but you know what we're making it a thing), brunette, blue eyes, on the shorter side, wearing cardigans, reading books.

Erik lehnsherr, head of the art department, gets... a little concerned.

Hadn't he been thinking that Charles was just like that ken?

Hadn't charles shown up right after he'd seen the doll for the first time in years, dug out of the back of wanda's closet (ha, he came out of the closet) to be donated?

Didn't he fit that exact description?

Well, how do you ask your boyfriend if he's a barbie doll?

And what do you do when he gets all quiet, and asks how you figured it out?

Mattel intervenes, obviously. Shit gets tense for a little while, but in the end... They realize it hasn't made an impact. Nobody back in barbie world is worried too much about one missing, discontinued ken. Not enough for it to effect either world.

Maybe it makes Charles a little sad, that his old friends seem to have forgotten about him. But what matters more is he gets to stay with the man he loves, the man who somehow still loves him back, the two messy, sometimes awful, amazing teenagers that he's come to love as though they're his own, and all the friends he's made.

They have a big-ass, glamorous wedding, curtesy of weird barbie's self-refilling credit card (yeah, they're pretty much infinitely rich now. they decide not to ruin the economy and just use it when they need it and make large donations to charities as much as they can.)

And that is what I thought of the entire time I watched barbie tonight.

[mew-ya]

can we see Marens OG Design?

MAREN HISTORY LESSON!!!

this was the very first drawing I did of him from 2016! his OG design! at the time, he was just like, a genderbent self-insert because my friend wanted me to make a one piece OC sibling. he was always intended to be older and part of the whitebeard pirates! he wasn't part fishman yet. he also got allergies a lot (like me!) so i would draw him with a runny nose. i have since removed this feature from him lol. he honestly looks pretty similar to his current design though except that he used to be super twinky to match my body type.

here are the only other drawings I have of that old design (along with my friend's oc)

his next iteration didn't come til way later! in 2022 or so? basically i had no interest in any canon/canon katakuri ships at the time and realllly wanted to draw him with a "good future". so i took my old op oc and made him fit katakuri a bit better--i wanted him to have sharp teeth so i decided to make him a fishman, but keep him looking fairly similar to the old design. so he was only half. it was also important for me to have a partner who was katakuri's size because i think he deserves to be held <3 so that's where the idea for a porcupinefish/pufferfish came in!

I got a bit better at drawing chubby bodies and made this reference, which is the closest to a current ref i have. back then, i had this thought that he'd only look chubby when he "inflated" since it makes more logical sense that way.

but i later felt that having a character who was "optionally fat" was just insulting in a way (and also bordering on fetishes that i wasn't particularly interested in my work being part of). so now i just draw him fat at any size, at varying levels. if i could change this reference, he'd be chubbier on the left.

here's a fun redraw I did to show how they've both changed!

and here's the latest most "reference" appropriate art I've done of him. I love this because I tried to make it fit the OP anime style as much as possible so it's really fun to see how people translate this into their own style.

[ratwithhands]

Since I finished the manga a few days back, I wanted to revisit my two demon slayer OCs I made last year. Here's Yoshi and Syougo ^^

Syougo and Yoshiaki are childhood friends who both ended joining the Demon Slayer corps after being separated earlier in life. Yoshi spent his years training under his retired slayer father before passing the final examination, while Syougo ended up having to figure his own methods out after his first teacher made it so he couldn't use a true breathing technique again.

As an overview of the techniques they use:

Field Breathing is a technique Yoshi's father came up with over his career in the corps. When he retired, he continued to polish the forms and taught them to Yoshi. Both the name and the forms it utilizes are based on the flora around the rice fields he was raised and later retired to. The technique emphasizes speed, flexibility, and applying pressure to the opponent as much as possible. It's fluidity and aggressiveness leads Yoshi to be quick in handling threats since he pushes opponents around

Spirit Breathing (or if you're using archaic kanji, Vengeful Spirit Breathing) is a breathing technique Syougo made as a way to regulate his body and state of mind after losing the lung capacity to use Total Concentration or other methods. It's based around his base breathing rate so he doesn't overexert himself, which means to an extent he is always using it. In combat it's intended to psych out opponents and help highlight their weak points. Since it's mostly a distraction/intimidation technique, Syougo uses a secondary weapon to get the jump on opponents when they're not focused.

For some bonus design notes, here's some details for how they dress:

Yoshiaki's samue is based on what he'd wear when working at the rice fields with his family. The light green colour comes from being dyed with wisteria leaves, a precaution his mother took hoping it would protect him

Having nostalgia from weaving baskets with his mom when he was younger, Yoshi tends to use dry reeds for securing things. He ties his hair with it, decorates his equipment with it, and though his legs aren't visible, he ties reeds in a crossed pattern over his kyahan

The brown cotton sageo and tsuba he uses are handed down from his father. The scar on his cheek is also there for the same reason, his father had one and Yoshi decided to cut his cheek to look cool and match 💀

Syougo's haori has kogin-zashi embroidery across the sleeves and shoulders. He sewed it himself in between his training as a way to decompress and slow down. His kyahan have a matching stripe across the front

Syougo's tsuba was gifted to him by his current mentor who thought he would enjoy the oblique patterning to match his outerwear. His current mentor also requested a nichirin style tanto for him to use for his secondary fighting technique

The ragged look of Syougo's hair comes from him prioritizing training over all else, even appearance. The only instance where he will fully comb and dress his hair is for important meetings and ceremonies. He does maintain the part of his hair though, modelled after his mentor's (much shorter) hair. This is one doodle with clean hair

I'd write more about their character but this is getting long as it is 💀

I have a piece with Syougo that I'm going to put up soon, and at my sister's request I'll try doing a matching one for Yoshi

Hope you guys like these fellas ^^ I'll see you later

[shelbgrey]

Next to me(Emmett Cullen)

Chapter 17: prom dresses and hoes

A/n: I'm back baby!

Table of contents

The sun shined brighter than ever today. It was kinda comforting to see brightness the town barely got. I smiled as I felt the heat on my face as I opened my currents and opened my window wider.

As I got dressed and ready for school my phone dinged. A smile apered on my face as Emmett's name popped up.

Emmett: good morning Babe, I won't be at school today because of how sunny it is. I'll see you later tonight though. Love you.

I smiled and quickly replied. I went to get my laptop from Bella's room when my phone went off again. I looked and to was Rosalie this time.

Rose: hay, you want to go prom dress shopping with us tonight?

I responded a simple sure with a smiley face then jogged down the stairs for school. Before heading out the door I went down to basement where Owen's room was. I knocked on the door but no response. Bella came down and looked in my direction.

“I think Charlie took him to school” she said softly. I nodded slinging my backpack over my shoulder.

“okay, see ya at school” I called out as walked out into the sun.

~~~~~~~~(.......)~~~~~~~~

Since the weather remained perfect throughout the day everyone was outside for lunch. I sat at a picnic bench with Tyler, Eric, and Bella's friends.

Me, Bella, and the boys were playing Uno. When it was her turn she didn't go due to the fact she was too distracted looking for Edward.

“they're not here today Bella” I said not looking up from my cards. “and it's your turn”

“where are they?” Bella asked putting down a card that made Tyler draw four cards. “nunya” I mumbled.

“Emmet and them ditch?” she asked ignoring what I said just a minute ago.

“when ever the weather is nice Dr and Mrs. Cullen pull them out of school for hiking and camping” Jessica said.

“I tired that on my parents, not even close” Jessica said as I put a plus four card down making Tyler draw.

“guys! I'm going to prom with Eric!” Angela said coming up behind me and giving me a hug.

“that's great!” I said as she sat down next to me. “yeah, I just asked him and took control”

“we told you he'd say yes” I said giving her a side hug. Angel then gave me a sad look. “are you sure you have to go out of town?”

Oh right, Rosalie told Mike I was going to Alaska. I didn't even think about that white lie getting to our other friends. I shook my head smiling. “no me and Emmett are going... I just didn't want to go with Mike so Rose told him we were going to Alaska”

Jessica gave me a dirty look as me and Angela continued our conversation.

“well I don't blame you there” she chuckled. “but I'm glad you and Emmett are going, you guys make a cute couple”

With jealousy in her eyes Jessica chimed into the conversation. “Angela, we should go shopping in Port Angeles before all the good dresses are cleaned out”

Angela nodded then turned to me. “yeah, y/n you want to come with us?”

Jessica rolled her eyes, ignoring her I gave Angel a soft smile. “I'm actually going with Alice and Rosalie tonight, but hey, maybe we'll run into each other”

Angela nodded agreeing. The bell rung and Tyler slapped down his last card. “UNO! suck on that!” he threw the deck of cards at Bella as everyone started to go back in side for our next class.

~~~~~~~~(.......)~~~~~~~~

The girls sorted through different dresses and threw them in different piles. As Rose and Alice went through them like a couple of tornados with lipstick, y/n looked at the more casual ones with darker colors. Alice saw this and her fashion police persona was about to kick in but Rosalie stopped her.

After awhile Rose and Alice both found dresses, but y/n on the other hand was freaking out in the dressing room. As the two vampire girls sat on the uncomfortable couch they watched different dresses of colors and styles.

“I don't look good in any of these!”

Rosalie rolled her eyes playfully and dropped her hand on her thigh. “well, it would be nice to see one of them Sweetheart”

Y/n huffed and came out in a short blue dress. Alice and Rosalie's eyes lit up with happiness. To the two vampires it was like a memory they always wanted with a sister. The two had a moment and had the realization of how comfortable they really are with each other.

Rosalie, still in her white one, spung her around checking out how the dress compliment her figure. There laughter came to hult when a group of guys knocked on the window and cat called them.

“gross” Alice mumbled.

“bunch of creeps” Rosalie growled not realizing she was blocking y/n from the prying eyes of those men.

“come on let's pay for all this” Alice said happily.

--------( the boys pov )--------

The same group of guys giggle with laughter, they were obviously drunk. “hey, did you see that blonde! She was smoking” the drunk cackled and blindly bumped into Damon and Jasper.

“what the fuck man?” Damon said throughing his hands out.

As the boys got out of the way, rage filled Jasper and Edward. Edward could hear every vile thought the those guys had about his best friend and sisters.Jasper could feel the lust and he almost did the unthinkable when he found out on of them was lusting for Alice.

“let's go find the girls” Edward said. Emmett gave him a confused look as he slung his TUX bag over his shoulder. “What wrong?”

Unless they wanted a blood bath Edward nor Jasper told Emmett about the vile guys thst pushed past them. Emmett asked again and Edward shook his head.

“I'm board, let's find the girls... There's movies and must story y/n wanted to go to” Edward lied.

The boys walked in and met up with there mates. Emmett smiled as he walked up to Rosalie and Y/n as they waited to pay for their dresses. “hey Beautiful”

She smiled as Emmett kissed her forehead. “let me see the tux” she said turning towrds him. Emmett held the hanger and unzipped the dust cover showing a black and blue tux.

“looks awesome, and we match” y/n grinned as she held the dress up to her body.

As they were having their moment, Jasper and Alice kept their conversation dark and hushed. “did a group of drunk guys come into the store?”

Alice shook her head no. “they banged on the window and cat called... That's it” Jasper nodded feel a bit better about the situation. It still angered him that thoses guys would even look at Alice that way, but he was just happy she was untouched.

As they left the dress store they mistakenly split up again. Rosalie and Y/n left for the movie/music shop while Alice and Jasper went to a shoe store. Edward went God knows where while Damon and Emmett left to get a car part at an auto part store for the jeep.

It was about night time when Rose and y/n left to met up with the rest of the family. It was dark and uneasy and both girls could feel it. Rosalie linked her arm with y/n so they stayed close together.

“stay close” Rose said as she noticed the same guys walking close to them.

“Hey, saw you girls in the dress store” one guy chuckled. Roses blocked their veiw of y/n as old memories came flooding back to rose. Royce kings voice rang in her head fearing that she'd have to kill again just to make sure the same thing that happened to her didn't happen to y/n.

“pretty thing” one said as he touched y/n hair. Roses immediately pushed him off of her. “don't touch her”

“Iike the blonde... She's got fire in her” another one said. Y/n then swung her fist making the guy fall to the ground. As he did tires screached in the distance and Emmett's jeep came flying in.

“get in the jeep” Emmett said as Damon came flying out of his brother's car. He sped over to the guy that touched Rosalie.

“Damon don't!” Rose said, but it was too late. Damon sunk his teeth in the guy killing him instantly. He didn't drink the blood like the family feared just left the body and pulled Rosalie towrds the jeep like Emmett did y/n.

“drive!” Damon shouted as he got in the passenger seat. Y/n started to shake in the back as Emmett's engine roared and speed through the slik streets.

“we should go back there and finish the job” Emmett grited as he pushed his foot harder on the Gas. Rosalie rubbed y/n's shoulder as she started to shake.

“no you shouldn't” Rosalie said.

Damon just as pissed punched the glove box. “shit! Don't tell Carlisle I killed a guy”

Emmett rolled his eyes. “that's the least of our problems right now” he speed up making the car feel like it was flying. It made y/n heart pound as Emmett made sharp turns that made by standers honk.

“Emmett please slow down” y/n mumbled. He didn't let up, his anger was making it hard to think straight. Damon looked behind him to the backseat seeing y/n having a panic attack.

“dude slow down” Damon said a bit more calm.

“shut up!” Emmett said.

“EMMETT STOP THE FUCKING CAR!” Rosalie shouted making the jeep go to a sudden holt. The sudden movement made Damon lung forward and hit his head on the dash.

“fuck” Damon said.

Emmett wripped his door open and speed to y/n. “I'm so sorry baby... I-I wasn't trying to scare you” he said pulling her into a massive bear hug. She held on tight as the other cars came up to them.

“is everything okay?!” Alice said coming over. Jasper walked over to y/n and she immediately started to calm down.

“guys let's go home” Rosalie said. “Esme already talked to your uncle, your staying the night”

“your driving” Emmett said tossing the keys to Rose so he could ride in the back with his girlfriend. The drive home was silent expect for the occasional joke from Damon. They were trying really hard to turn the night and and not give those guys the satisfaction of ruining the party.

[ginnymoonbeam]

Ginny's weekly watches rundown

I won't make any promise of doing this on a schedule, but from time to time I want to run down everything I'm currently watching, in rough order of how invested I am.

Current Favorites

Cherry Magic (Thai) Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Although I Love You and You) Cooking Crush

Bundling these three together because I'm loving a lot of the same things: grownups! Direct communication! Being nice to the person you like and showing that you care about them! Cherry Magic delivered the most romantic sequence in the world to me this week with Karan observing and quietly meeting a bunch of Achi's trivial daily needs, and then Achi realizing this and immediately rushing to undo the hurt he'd carelessly caused. Cooking Crush is also doing a wonderful job of queuing up a bunch of potential problems and then having the lovers resolve them with honesty rather than letting them escalate. And SukiDoya looks to be setting up a beautiful slow burn between two men who have drastically different communication styles, but are drawn together and appreciate each other.

Dead Friend Forever

On the other end of the spectrum, we have the slasher drama with a bunch of students trapped in the woods watching their pasts catch up with them. So far this is delivering exactly what it promised: a solidly-executed suspense thriller with a hefty dose of gay drama. I'm enjoying it immensely.

I Love You, But...

The Sign

Look. It's a mess. As soon as I saw the second trailer and realized we were doing big mythology as well as crime drama I knew this show was biting off more than it could chew, and I knew I'd be seated for the duration. Billy and Babe are doing a fantastic job anchoring this wild hodgepodge of a drama, and I'm having a great time with it.

Last Twilight

This one was in the top bracket for me up until last week. As I've said before, my feelings about it are really going to hinge on how they move forward from the big episode-11 fight and breakup. We shall see.

Intern in my Heart

Not a BL, but with what looks to be a developing BL side plot. I'm enjoying this one, but three episodes in I'm not deeply invested enough to put it into the top bracket. Favorites are the female lead, played by Cris who I loved in Mama Gogo, and the gay bestie, played by Toptap. Hi Toptap! Missed you!

Doing Just Enough

First let me say that I will cheerfully drop shows that I'm really not feeling, so even this bottom bracket is all shows that I like. I just don't look forward to them in the same way I do the above shows, and they might be a few wrong moves away from getting dropped.

7 Days Before Valentine

Episode 9 was my favorite one since the beginning... I liked getting more hints of Q's backstory, and I thought the final rooftop scene was a good culmination of what the show's been building toward. It's been draggy at times, but I am interested to see where we'll go from here.

Playboyy

I'm a sexuality educator and sex nerd, so a show like this is going to have my eyes no matter how messy and chaotic it gets. I've been watching it mostly with that lens: none of the stories or characters are particularly compelling to me, but I'm enjoying seeing what it wants to say about sex each week.

Sahara Sensei to Toki-kun (Mr Sahara & Toki-kun)

I'm kinda sticking this one out for morbid curiosity, and because Toki is perfect and deserves the best. Sahara is a character I could really love in a different drama, but the romance here isn't working for me. I'm not even opposed to a (fictional!) teacher-student romance, and if this show was setting up their relationship as problematic but compelling I might be here for it. Instead it seems to be stalwartly ignoring that there might be anything weird or inappropriate, and it's both jarring and dull.

[linabirb]

Go ahead, Lina, talk about why you like Rollo. I need a reminder on why he's the best ever :DD

SORRY FOR A LATE REPLY AURORA I GOT HOME A FEW HOURS AGO AND NEEDED TO REST and the power went out while i was typing this. why is this world so rollophobic

warning for lots of rambling under the cut!

first of all, his design.

"haha funny boy with a bowl cut and a huge hat" virgin vs "literally the most fun design to draw" chad. yes i'm the second one.

of course his design is heavily inspired by his counterpart but i just love it a lot! i really like the colors (some of them lowkey remind me of a bi flag JDKDLSLSL) of his outfit and i like how the color of his hair and his eye color look with them!

i actually disagree with people who say that he'd look better with longer hair or a more detailed/"unique" hairstyle bc i think in that case his design would feel very overwhelming? meanwhile here it looks much more balanced! when i draw him, it feels really nice bc i don't have to do much when it comes to his hair, i can just focus on the outfit! (though i had to get used to drawing his hairstyle, bc my art style is just. floofy hair.. soft hair..)

speaking of his hair..

I'M STILL NOT OVER HIM HAVING MORE MESSY-LOOKING HAIR AND EVEN HAVING AN AHOGE. I'M STILL INSANE ABOUT IT THIS IS SO CUTE. i've talked about it with my other friends and i hc that his hair is like that simply bc he wears a hat most of the time and.. yeah, your hair can become like that after you wear a hat. and like, maybe his hair has no choice but to look like that no matter how much he tries to take care of it and make it look better, so he also tries to hide it with his hat HDJKDKSLD.

also, i find it so funny how on some images it looks like he has really bad dark circles, meanwhile on other images you can clearly see that he wears makeup, so here's my rollo headcanon number 420 (i have so many of them. so many. literally about any topic. i am going insane): rollo tries to hide his dark circles with makeup, but fails miserably and he's really bad at it and nobody has a heart to tell him that he's actually not really doing a good job.

HIS CHIBI VERSION IS SO. SQUISHING AND BITING HIM. WHAT'S THAT EVIL SMILE FOR. YOU SILLY GOOFY MAN

now, his personality.

HE'S SO. SIFGHDHJFBDFBHDJNDVFDNM!!!!!! i love how rollo isn't just a "cold and emotionless anime guy". HE HAS EMOTIONS!! HE HAS SO MANY OF THEM!!! LITERALLY THE WHOLE MASQUERADE EVENT CAN BE A METAPHOR FOR EXPRESSING ALL THE FEELINGS YOU HAD REPRESSED FOR SO MANY YEARS AND ENDING UP DOING SO IN A WAY THAT'S HARMFUL FOR OTHERS (and probably you).

okay, i've said it before in my other post (the ask game one) but the fact that he's literally one of the few characters (if not the only one) who actually says that yuu must feel weird being the only magicless student and that it can be very scary and tiring. man. and like, when everyone has to split up into groups, rollo is the only one who asks what yuu will be doing. i could try my best to not go "this man is in love with them" at least for a second, but no, this man is in love with them. "oh it's only because they're magicless" shut up. so what if it IS because they're magicless. what if yuu is so pure to him, nobody can touch them. what if he wants to protect them from magic users. rolloyuu can either be the cutest and softest ship ever or they can be the most toxic ship BUT IN A GOOD WAY. IN A WAY THAT MAKES YOU GO "waittttt 👀👀👀 that's kinda. that's kinda. hold on a minute" LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYINGGGGGG. all variations of rolloyuu are good. all of them. his ghost room voicelines are also so. it's like, even if he's studying at nrc currently, you can clearly see that he still has favoritism for yuu. it really feels like he sees them as the only "good" student here. it feels like he's a little bit more.. um.. maybe he's more of a tsundere now, since now he knows that yuu likes magic? such as him being surprised when yuu shows him that they want to be friends with him and thinking that it's all just some kind of evil scheme and then being shocked that they're just genuinely nice and saying that it just makes everything even worse. OTOME GAME LOVE INTEREST BEHAVIOR. and him also kinda scolding them for "asking for a present" from him but then saying that birthdays really are important and that he hopes he won't disappoint them with his present. man. m a n. AND HIS OTHER VOICELINES STILL MENTION HIM FEELING SORRY FOR MC AND SAYING THAT THEY CAN ALWAYS RELY ON HIM AND ANYWAY ROLLOYUU ARE MARRIED-

but i should go back to the topic of his personality! you know what makes me insane. it's that rollo, no matter how hard he tries to look like this serious and organized person who has everything under control is canonically a dork in the most affectionate way. HIS FLYING LESSONS VOICELINES ARE SO FUNNY. the fact that he goes "WHY WON'T THIS THING LISTEN TO MEEEEE" when it's not working out, but when everything is fine, he immediately goes "oh, it's quite simple actually"?? i'm going to kiss you on the mouth, you idiot SJKDKDLSLS. he's also canonically a horse girl, which makes sense bc of his counterpart, but also HORSE GIRL ROLLO REAL. i need his lab coat sr. or at least let him take alchemy classes with his current card i want to know what he'll say.

his battle voicelines are so cool, i'm literally obsessed with them. HE LITERALLY SAYS THAT HE HAS UNFINISHED BUSINESS TO TAKE CARE OF AFTER BEATING UP SOME GUYS. HOW COOL IS THAT. some of his voicelines totally didn't make me giggle and kick my feet. totally. don't look at me. me reading "good, how obedient" and "it seems you still desire punishment" and choking on my tea

also i love how his vignette exceeded my expectations and didn't just make me go "i love him <3", it made me go "i need to take care of him, i need to give him a blanket, i need to force him to go to sleep when he needs it, i need to kiss his stupid face, i need to tell him that he's enough-". like what do you mean he eats the exact same things (and not just food, but also the exact amount of it) for lunch and i'm pretty sure he does the same with breakfast and dinner. what do you mean he wakes up BEFORE SUNLIGHT to clean the bell and the gargoyles. what do you mean he likes the bell of salvation (yes, i'm sticking to fan translations) because "it rings when it's supposed to", meaning that he likes predictable things and things that he "already knows" (i think you can say that it's also implied in one of his voicelines where he can't understand why mc is "acting so familiar with him". they're being unpredictable. it's too hard for him to understand them.) what do you mean even when he knows that it will be easier/more convenient for him to do something different, he still does it the same way that he always does. i need him to go to therapy, this man has at least one mental illness and i'm like 100% sure that he's neurodivergent. (i've said it so many times on discord but he's ocd-coded. i say that as someone who has ocd. that's it. i do so many of the things that he does, it actually was a little uncomfortable (but also validating) to read his vignette, i was like "?? DUDE?? PLEASE?? PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW UNHEALTHY IT IS?? wait i don't have a right to say that". the bit where he says that he eats the exact same foods to "avoid unnecessary desires" especially reminded me of my own behavior, because my brain often makes me stop taking care of my needs because "otherwise the Bad Stuff will happen". but i won't go into detail)

also i like how he's loved by literally all nbc students?? say whatever you want, call him manipulative and all that, but it takes hard work to make people like you and admire you and rollo is definitely hardworking.

now, his role in the story. sure, him and idia have very similar backstories, but rollo's past resonates with me much more, because i really wish we had more characters that express their grief and other negative emotions as anger. of course, some people cry, some people isolate themselves, some people become afraid of everything, but in those cases those characters are usually portrayed as sympathetic, meanwhile those who want to punch people, want to fight back, want to scream and yell at everyone, often get portrayed as unsympathetic, scary or even abusive and toxic or just evil. which is.. not good. not good at all. anger is a valid and understandable emotion and it's actually good to be angry about things. i actually was shocked when my therapist told me that i SHOULD "bite and scratch people more" (as i've said it myself) right after i was describing to her how easy it is for me to get angry we also found out that it's actually one of my alters' doing and i was like "i sound like some kind of monster don't i". so it's really nice and actually kinda healing to see him just steal everyone's magic, set the town on fire (with flowers, but whatever) and still hate magic and not really getting a redemption arc. it's okay, he'll get there someday. him immediately starting to sob the moment he remembered what happened to his brother also broke me.

however, there is one tinyyyy problem with his backstory, though that's just me, probably. you see, idia blaming himself for what happened to ortho was more.. i wouldn't say understandable, but it makes sense story-wise. he really was involved in it, even if it really wasn't his fault and he was only a child, i can still see why he'd blame himself. but in rollo's case, him secretly blaming himself.. doesn't really make sense to me? i mean, his brother just wanted to show him his magic, sure, rollo could blame himself for just standing and not being able to help him, but.. i don't know, it just feels a little bit weaker to me. so when the story goes "hey, look at him, he's blaming the magic users for not saving his brother, when he actually thinks it's his fault"! i'm like ". okay. what do you want me to do. do you want me to give him a hug and tell him that it really wasn't his fault." like, according to him, other mages really couldn't help and they ignored him, so what do you want me to do?? do you want me to point at him and go "HAHA SO IT REALLY IS YOUR FAULT"?? i'm not gonna do that!!

also, the thing is that rollo isn't selfish at all. i don't think he thinks that highly of himself. i actually bet that his self-esteem is horrible. when idia tells rollo that rollo wasn't trying to save other people, but he actually wanted to save himself, rollo is genuinely confused and can't believe it and idia himself says that it looks like rollo really did think that he was doing it for others. and even if he secretly wanted to do it for himself, i don't think him saying that he wants to save others and end their suffering is selfish. and he also says that he'd love to lose his magic too and he doesn't like using his magic.

his parents also being worried about him and making sure he's fine in the vignette also breaks my heart.

soooo yeah! that's all i can think of right now, but of course, there's most likely much more, my brain is just a little tired, haha.

maybe none of this makes sense and i'm just biased and i'm projecting, but who cares. at least i'm having fun.

if you've read all of this, thank you and congrats! have a pic of my croissant plushie (+ a bnuuy!!) :)

[memories-au-eddsworld]

Welcome To The Memories Au!

This Au was created by @bluespacestarssssss I'm more active on my main blog ↑ Warning! This au contains: Blood, scars, polyworld, suggestive (Not NSFW) images, possible corny jokes, unhealthy attachment styles, cussing, mental health issues, and more Asks Are: [OPEN] How It All Works! I currently don't have a schedule for comic updates but I'm trying to figure out the exact way I want to write out the comics. I'm thinking once a month but I'm still unsure. (For the description of the Au scroll down a bit) It's not just a comic au blog, but also an ask blog! (Ask rules 🡓) I may post random artwork or other posts not related to the story which will be marked with this tag= #<3 I want to clarify, I may not be able to post at times. If I ever miss a day or deadline I'm sorry. I'm only a teenager trying to focus on making sure I do well in school. Also, none of the characters depicted in this comic or any of my artwork are supposed to be representations of the real people. This comic is about the characters, NOT the people. And again, this is just an au. So of course not everything is going to appeal the the actual show or your hcs. Even so, I hope you enjoy what I make and I hope you'll have fun seeing the story progress! <3 Tags Random (Au Related) Artwork: #<3 The Actual Comic: #comic Your Asks!: #asks Announcements: #announcement +More tags to come! Ask Box! [OPEN] The ask box is for asking the characters of this au questions! The questions can be almost anything (Including artwork). The only thing you can't ask is things that may be spoilers. If it's a spoiler the character won't answer the question. I have the right to refuse an ask depending on what it contains. Examples of things you can ask: -Dares -Personal questions (Ex: how do you feel about [random character]?) -Requests for artwork relating to the characters (Ex: two characters hugging) But you can ask other things of course! Characters you can ask questions to right now: Tord, Edd, Tom, Matt Chapters! Prologue: 1 / 2 / The Memories Au (Description, and such) 🡓

Sorry I'm not good at short summaries- Important parts are bolded During The End Part 2, when Tord's robot explodes he doesn't land on that cliff. Instead he falls back towards the house and survives (barely). While he's down there, he looks up at Tom and the others and sees what he's doing to them. His mindset hasn't changed much since he first left, so what he's doing right now didn't seem like such a big deal. After all, they used to do things just as bad like throw each other into traps and leave each other to be eaten by zombehs. (Even if they survived in the end). So why would what he's doing be hurting them so bad? Why is this making them cry so much? Tord looks up at Tom once more as he stand over him. Although Tom's eyes were pitch black everything else about him was screaming that this time his anger wasn't just for their puny rivalry. It was real anger. Tord quickly realized that if he didn't leave he'd actually die. He's never felt like this since he was a kid. As quickly as he got there, Tord fled with as much of his robot's parts as he could carry while completely injured. About a year has past since that day and it seems like nothing has gotten better. Matt is getting more antsy, he wants his memories back more than anything. Edd still can't get over it all. He just wants his friend back. Tom is being more quiet and aggressive than ever. Tord is... Well he's homeless. After that day kept haunting him over and over he felt himself slipping up. After an attack by the government he sent every army member into hiding. That would include him. So now all he has is his car. After a tense encounter with Edd, Tom, and Matt, Tord offers to get Matt's memory back.

[cigarettesandinevitablebetrayal]

4, 5, and 17 for end of the year fic ask?

4) A fic you wrote this year that was most fun to write?

Probably Ricardo's chapter of Stand Tall to the Beast. I'd been wanting to rewrite the villain debut for Rashad for a while just because I see it happening so differently from how Ryden wrote it and being able to play around in the empty space of a villain named Heartbreak was a lot of fun.

I used to be really bad at writing action, so this chapter in particular was a fun challenge, especially given all Rashad's restrictions (can't rely on telepathy or their old style of fighting due to their HBI injuries). It took me ages, but I had fun the whole time.

5) Weirdest fic you wrote this year?

Probably Unorthodox Strategy for OC Kiss Week. I was running a bit low on ideas and was rifling through my Sidesteps and my friends' Sidesteps and trying to match up a pair that seemed like they'd fit when I decided on @nebuluxx's Damian. Damian and Miro are just a fun pairing given that they're a gay man and a butch lesbian, but they're both kind of dirty fighters so the sparring scene just came together nicely.

17) Two favourite lines/paragraphs/scenes from this year's fics?

The camera flashes have stopped. Figures. It's no longer looking good for him, and nobody actually likes having the footage of a Ranger's murder. He failed. Again. Failed Anathema, failed Herald, and now he'd be failing Rashad again. Ricardo drags in a ragged breath, electrical currents building up in his emitters, and he screams out into the dark as he lets the electricity loose. It explodes out around him in cascades of light. A useless rage against the inevitable. As the streaks of lightning subside, Heartbreak's helmet creeps back into his sight. He stares up at them, snarling through the pain, "You'd better do your worst, pendejo, because I'm never going to stop hunting you down." But Heartbreak doesn't move, like Ricardo expects. They stare down at him with their impassive mask, unreadable to him. "Did you hear me?" He yells again. Let them get angry. What's the worst they could do? He doesn't care anymore. "Finish the job!"

From Beast. I actually wasn't planning this interaction at all. This wasn't the intended ending of the chapter. Ricardo was originally going to just accept the defeat, but it wasn't sitting right with me. I'm not sure where this interaction came from. I just sort of let the character speak through the writing and came out with a significantly more impactful and in character response, in my opinion.

And two paragraphs from Riches and Wonders:

It’s funny how many little things Mortum hadn’t noticed he was missing until Mariana waltzed into his life, filling his lab with sound and light and color that had, unbeknownst to him, long since seeped out between the cracks in the concrete floors. The silence had made it easy to keep focused and now he finds it grates on his nerves, feeling like so much dead air without Mariana’s conversation or soft humming. The endless monochrome of greys feel drab without the pop of Mariana’s merlot dress or cobalt pantsuit. Could he ever really go back to just the smell of detergent after having the lingering scent of her perfume on his lab coat?

I really loved this paragraph (and the original, which was a touch longer before editing down) and how it highlights the differences Marianna has brought to Mortum's life. I like the symbolism used here a lot and the imagery it evokes.

Mariana snorts at that, a most undignified sound from her, but it makes him smile. It’s been a joy to watch her facade drop bit by bit as the time passes. He finds himself doing the same with his own mask, hanging it up beside hers like a coat by the door.

Another really nice indication of the affect Mortum and Marianna have on each other. It also ended up giving my the inspiration for Mateo and Mortum's ship name.

Find More Year End Fic Questions Here!

[vacate-et-scire]

Heya I've seen that your match ups were open and I'd like to give it a try^^ Romantic matchup please :3

My name is Beatrice but close friends call me Bea, She/her Mbti- infj, zodiac- Capricorn, love language- gift giving and quality time

I really like painting, drawing, trinket collecting, sculpting with clay or wood, I sometimes make plushies (if I have enough materials) and psychology/neurology

In my free time I really like to paint on a canvases while I listen to hour long video essays of different topics such as psychology or listen to audio books of classic literature or play video games if I'm in the mood.

Currently I'm listening to The Setting Sun by Osamu Dazai while I paint, and I really like the writing style and story so far. And as far as games go I'm really into hollow knight (like literally obsessed), reverse 1999 and cookie run games, plus I really enjoy playing hardcore Minecraft.

I don't dislike many things but I'm not a fan of crowded and loud places, cold weather and overly judgemental people that are very narrow minded

Appearance wise I'm shorter than average, have short wavy brown hair , brown eyes, got a couple freckles on my face and my body is slim and a bit muscular

Personality wise I'm really introverted preferring to stay indoors with a couple friends rather than going outside, plus I tend to be timid and closed off when approached but after a while I warm up and become really friendly and tend to yap about my interests 24/7 to my poor friends

As for partners, I don't look out for any physical attributes, but I mostly look out for people I genuinely enjoy spending my time with and I really feel attracted to people that share the same passions as me (thus we can yap about them for hours on end)

And these are my fave songs: Dark on me (by starset), alkaline, hypnosis (by sleep token) and poison tree (by grouper)

I apologise for my long yapping session anyways I hope you'll have a wonderful day or night! Love your fics btw!!!

Your Blue Lock Matchup: Nagi Seishiro

Nagi’s laid-back, introverted personality aligns well with you being calm, reserved. He is someone who can appreciate quiet, meaningful moments, which would make your preference for staying indoors and spending time with a few close friends feel comfortable and natural. Nagi’s the type of person who doesn’t crave the spotlight or loud environments, making him an excellent match. Since you do play games he will be taking full advantage of that, he'll almost beg you to play anything with him, he mostly plays mobile games, but that is probably because he has no friends (besides Reo)

He isn't the biggest talker, I mean he's not a yapper at all, but he does listen to you pretty often, he'd rather just sit there and listen to you rant about every detail of your day then have to do a back and forth. Nagi may not be the most intellectually stimulating, but he's a piece of work in himself, pick his brain every so often, it might be fun.

While Nagi is not in tune with his feelings at all, sure he understands what he feels kinda, but he finds a hard time putting labels on things or understanding why he will feel a certain way about something. He does know a few things for certain though, he is in love with you, Nagi isn't really sure how, but he knows you don't make like a hassle and your presence isn't boring, he wants to keep talking to you and spend time with you.

Nagi’s ability to be in his own world is a perfect fit for your introverted tendencies. You’ll appreciate that Nagi is content with being by himself or just hanging out with a small group of people, which matches your preference for keeping things quiet and intimate. You can see eye-to-eye on the value of spending time on individual interests.

Nagi’s quiet, laid-back nature complements your gentle, friendly energy. Like you, Nagi may appear closed off initially but warms up once he feels comfortable, he's more willing to put effort into things because he wants to see you happy even if he isn't entirely sure why. He may not be quick to open up, but as your relationship develops, his trust in you would lead to him sharing more about his world. You both value depth and quality over quantity, and your patience and warmth would allow Nagi to slowly open up to you, making him an ideal partner for someone who values closeness and genuine connection over superficial traits.

In terms of your shared moments, Nagi would cherish your time together. He would join you in quiet companionship, showing his affection in subtle, thoughtful ways. He doesn’t need grand gestures—just the act of sharing quiet time together would speak volumes to him. His love for peaceful activities would blend perfectly with your own need for calm, and his natural charm would provide you with the kind of easy-going, unhurried connection that you thrive in.

Nagi would appreciate the little gestures that show you care, like creating a handmade plushie or planning a quiet day to play games or paint together. Nagi’s naturally calm and easy-going demeanour would put you at ease, creating a safe space for both of you to truly be yourselves.

[invinciblerodent]

Hhhnnnnngghhhh thinking about Ver's past

For the longest time, I was undecided on whether I want her "ex" of sorts, Adris (who was, long story short, first freed from indentured servitude by the Shadows, then joined them, and years later took the fall for a job gone wrong and was saved from execution only by a Grey Warden recruiter scouting in the prisons) to have survived the Joining.

Whether he was alive all those years at all, I always meant to be sort of a point of purposeful ambiguity, something for Ver to occasionally think about and gnaw on herself over, both a reason for her to be slightly wary of growing to care for someone (and of Wardens in general), and a reason for feelings of both guilt and inadequacy to cling to her shadow everywhere she went.

But now that I know what happens in-game, and how Warden-heavy the story actually is (including the Warden love interest working so damn well for her), I think I definitely want him to have survived, and I kinda want him to show up in passing, too. In Lavendel, as a Weisshaupt survivor. (Adris Lastname, the utter cockroach of a man that you are.)

Though they were roughly the same age, I think he and Ver always had this caretaker/charge type of underlying dynamic to them, with him depending largely on her for most of their time together: at first he was a duty, then a reluctant roommate, then her best friend, then sort of a lover, slash, messy queerplatonic something (port in a storm? partner in relieving stress? some kind of chew toy???), before all that went down, and he became more or less a stain on her conscience. (He was a painful memory far longer than he had been anything else, kinda.)

I really quite like the idea that the way she'd remember him would be as a scared, skinny, pale kid with little to his name besides a boatload of resilience, but now... they're a good eight years older than the last time they saw each other. (Which was ugly, and happened with him walking away from practically under the gallows, and her yelling, demanding to be recruited as well, only to be denied.)

Now, he has a couple new scars (maybe one matching the one on Ver's nose? that'd be cute, she's had that since before she even knew him), some fat on his ribs and muscle on his frame, some of that Grey Warden swagger, people looking to him for guidance and calling him Lieutenant, and he's... oddly happy, which really spins her wheels out.

And I was thinking, that meeting Adris (and realizing that he and Ver have that history, because I think they might know of each other at least) would then give Davrin reason to sort of decide to himself that, well, this must just be her style, right? Not the "going for elf Grey Wardens" thing, that's a coincidence, but that all their flirting, the talk about hunting and being hunted in turn, the almost-kiss, it doesn't mean that she' doesn't really do much in a way that's'd be serious, not really. It could give him a (bad) reason to think that by "I could see us heading somewhere, sure 😏", she moreso meant a loose, casual attachment, which he's like, totally fine with, as a Warden. (No, really. It's perfectly fine. Ideal, even, considering his rapidly approaching expiration date, and the way he'd been thinking about it all.)

(Nah, he absolutely doesn't catch himself searching for- and catching her gaze more often than it'd be necessary, or holding it a second too long. Or following her with his eyes, or fighting just that bit harder whenever she's looking. It's, like, fine. It's cool. They're so cool. Positively frosty. Never mind the deep understanding bordering on mind-reading, or the almost animal awareness crackling between them whenever they're in the same room.)

(Meanwhile, that same meeting will distract her with such intense relief that she fucking forgets to explain her past situationship to her current one that she actually wants to be her boyfriend, and it's just!!!! Agh.)

I just. Head in my hands, the simultaneously excellent, and absolute shit communication. The being fucking stupid about each other. Openness disguising an underlying ambiguity. Reluctance to make the first serious step. Weirdness. The "well yes, we sleep together semi-regularly, and that Moment in the Forest I GUESS could mean that we're, like, together, but I'd rather bite my tongue off than ask a followup question because if I misunderstood, I'm throwing myself into the raw Fade".

Ffffnnnnnnnngghhhh I'll need to replay Ver sooner than I thought I would, because the recordings alone do NOT give me Sufficient Context to careen off the edge about them properly. (I definitely need to add at least one big conversation between the starting of a relationship and the endgame confession-- maybe extending the little forest date one, or just tacking a followup onto it for later that night??? Ggggghhhhhhhhh.)

[iheartchv]

Hey I was hoping I could get a cod matchup? Sorry in advance for the yapping

Umm as for appearance I am 5’4” in my early twenties. I have layered curly brown hair that comes to just above my shoulder, blue eyes, freckles pale as hell, a few scars here and there that I’m kinda proud of (from various causes) I don’t really have a specific style it can range from a tank top and sweats to t-shirt and jeans or something completely wild, color coded decked out in jewelry, skirts, layers the whole bit. Relatively active build, used to be a gymnast until an injury now I just workout twice a week w a friend. Interests; I like movies top five rn probably Scream (1996), Spiderverse, 10 things I hate about you, the last unicorn, Dead poets society, +Star Wars cause I can’t leave it out. I like playing chess every now and then, I’d say I’m pretty good but I still have a ways to go. I’m also an artist, and I like music I can’t do anything music related I just like listening to it, all kinds. I like baking when I’m stressed, typically cookies during finals week at 2 am. My future prospects, or at least what they are currently, is just going to law school, after that I’m not really sure, I’ve thought ab going the military route, both of my parents served/are serving, so I’ve thought ab the possibility of being a military JAG or something in Intel, but I’m still feeling for it, I mostly like law cause I’m pretty good at it and I like knowing more than people. I’m Bi so my taste in Men/Women varies. As much as I’d like to say I don’t have a type, hot people are hot, there have been patterns in the past few fictional guys. Tbh my taste in men is shit, like I don’t have daddy issues, I have a great relationship with him, but my past fictional crushes say other wise. But basically, capability is HOT, if they’re good at something to the point of mastering it I’m entranced. Women are just pretty, there’s not much there. I’m relatively paranoid, even describing myself like this online is strange, I think it’s just growing up around military but I’m typically just cautious. That and trust issues. I’ve done some martial arts/self defense and I think sparring is really fun I just need someone to teach me. Also I am a huge simp (with shit taste as my friends say) I’m an ambiavert, so I like to be pretty adaptable depending on who I’m around. I’m also German/American but definitely more American than anything else, I ‘grew up’ in south Germany and we still have family there but since we moved here I’ve forgotten most of  the language. JFC in hindsight I am SO SORRY about all this I got carried away. I hope it didn’t come across as self absorbed 😭😅 thanks 

Sorry again 

🤔 I'll pair you with...

Captain John Price 🚬

Price might be the one to fall for you

If you ever decide/decided to join the military, him and Laswell will look through files and find you

He can't help but feel that you would bring something to the table

Recruiting you, along with many others, he'd be watching you

Through the tests, he'd be silently hoping you'd pass

When he asks to see you, you think you've done something wrong

Instead he just tells you that you've done a good job with all the training and tests he's put you through

"I admit, I thought you would call it quits anytime soon... but... you're determination surprised me."

"You've got guts, spirit. I like that"

He wants to take you under his wing and train you

He was right about you; there was something special there

Though he didn't know just how special you would be to him later on 🤭

After many months and near death experiences later, he'd come to realize he cares about you... a lot

💞

When off duty, he will take you somewhere to talk

Price doesn't play games, you know that

So... he tells you that he really likes you

All this time he'd spent getting to know you, he felt something he hadn't in a long time

One time, when he looked like he was about to fall asleep he was surprised that you showed so much concern for him; You wanted to do something, anything, for him

His hand gently held yours, showing how gentle he can be

"If you'll have me, love, I can make you happy... even if it takes my whole life to"