#i wanted to keep my commentary in the post as short as possible to hope that might make people more comfortable with reblogging it? idk | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

saucy-mesothelioma · 5 months ago

Text

I wanted to compile a very short list of some of my favorite M*A*S*H scenes and why I love them so much. It's a long post, so everything will be under the cut

Winchester and the Pianist. Season 8, Episode 19, "Morale Victory":

youtube

This was the scene that made me truly fall in love with Charles's character. This was his third season on the show, and in my mind he was still "Frank's cooler replacement"- stuck up but not as insufferable. He had his moments of course, but none of them truly got to me like this scene. Stiers puts the perfect amount of subtle passion that Charles has for the fine arts and uses that to not only connect with Private Sheridan, but with the audience as well. Charles, with all of his haughtiness that was very prevalent in his earliest seasons, went beyond caring for Sheridan's physical injuries but also the blows to his sense of purpose. He sees a man with as much passion for the arts as him, and he's determined to show Private Sheridan how much he really is capable of. He wants to keep that passion alive in the face of hardship, and the look on his face when he sits back and listens to Private Sheridan play says it all. He's done more that repair a man in the literal sense, but he's also done so with a man's hope. It was the turning point that made me see Charles as not just Frank's replacement in matters of minor antagonism and subject of Hawkeye and BJ's antics, but truly as his own character with so much more to him.

Father Mulcahy's Interview. Season 4, Episode 24, "The Interview":

youtube

This story was based on something a real army doctor that served in a Korean M*A*S*H unit told the writers, and it's such a visceral picture that even rewatching it I have to just stop and take it all in. And it's just a fragment of the horrible conditions that the doctors, the soldiers, the locals, and pretty much anyone in the line of fire in Korea at the time had to deal with. This show might be a dramady showing some of the antics of a fictionalized army hospital, but this is one of those moments where the show really just pulls you into the stark reminder that not everything they talk about or show in this series is fake. Despite all of the jokes and slapstick, at its core M*A*S*H is an anti-war commentary and it makes no attempts to hide it. This episode just happened to be one of the earlier instances where the majority of the comedy was removed in favor of really highlighting the brutality of war. Scenes like this cut deep, and that's exactly what they're supposed to do.

Sometimes You Hear The Bullet. Season 1, Episode 17, "Sometimes You Hear The Bullet":

youtube

I'm not afraid to admit that this scene made me cry. Not a full-out cry, but the kind that hits you so hard that you barely even register the fact that you're crying until you're already doing it. Even now I'm having trouble conveying how this scene makes me feel into words. It's another one of those scenes that holds nothing back when it comes to the message that war is a taker of so many lives, and it doesn't discriminate with its victims. Hawkeye's frustration with his disassociation with the deaths of his patients is just heart-wrenching, especially since it's something he essentially has to do because it's his job: "I've watched guys die almost every day. Why didn't I ever cry for them?". You can tell that it's not only the death of his friend that's affecting him, it's the fact that his job has forced him to distance himself to the idea that the people he operates on every day are people with lives, hopes, and dreams. When he's confronted with the death of a friend who died just as so many soldiers before him, Hawkeye is reminded of the fact that the soldiers suffering from unimaginable injuries that he operates on every day were just like him. It's a realization that I couldn't possibly fathom dealing with, and yet it's one that Hawkeye has to deal with every time he's in the operating room.

Through the Wisecracks. Season 11, Episode 5, "Who Knew?":

youtube

This episode is the one that hits me hard the most. I think what gets me about this episode is how it reminds me of the people in war who remain forgotten: the nameless soldiers, locals, surgeons, company clerks, and many others. And I think that's the point. We never see Millie. She is a faceless character who we know little to nothing about, and the people at the 4077th know little to nothing about her either. It's only when Hawkeye puts in the effort to learn about her and to read her diary, that Millie is given substance. We learn as Hawkeye learns, and it hurts for both him and the viewer. She almost went forgotten, just another casualty among a million other causalities, but someone took the time to remember her, and that's more than can be said about so many who died in war. Another thing that gets be about this episode is the same lesson Hawkeye learns: to care about each other and let the people you love know you care, because someday it might be too late for that. Millie was too shy to get close to anyone at the 4077th, so Hawkeye never knew that she cared about him until it was too late. Hawkeye reflects on how he hides behind his jokes, and we can see other examples of characters on the show doing the same thing such as Margaret hiding behind her military correctness and Charles behind his haughtiness. But Hawkeye refuses to hide behind his jokes during this moment and tells his friends just how much he cares for them. He knows that especially in their circumstance, the people that he grew to love in the 4077th could be dead tomorrow. So he decides he won't go a second longer without letting them know how much they mean to him. He ensures that not only Millie won't be forgotten, but neither will his friends.

#words can't explain how much this show means to me #it's something I find myself coming back to time and time again #not only for the laughs but also for the lessons it's taught me about life #mash #m*a*s*h #mash 4077 #meso's movies

13 notes · View notes

qqueenofhades · 10 months ago

Note

can i ask you for some advice on how to reach out to a professor (at a university you don't attend) to ask about helping them out with their research? i'm not currently enrolled in college for a variety of financial/logistical reasons, but i really care about research and i really want to gain the skill of doing good research. i like to think i'm good at writing and critical thinking, and i'm eager to both learn and contribute.

i know i'm going to have to cold email professors and show that i've read their papers and find their research interesting, especially since i don't have much on a resume. i've read conflicting advice on how to email people -- some sources say to keep it as short and easy to read as possible, and others say to provide in-depth analysis and possibly constructive criticism of the research they've done to show you're committed. i really don't think i'm in a place to provide constructive criticism on what professional researchers are doing, LOL, but it might help to provide some commentary to show i understand it.

so my questions are, how much is too much, and how little is (probably) too little? i'm thinking of aiming for the equivalent of ~two paragraphs per email. also, are there any reliable indications of how well a professor treats the volunteers or employees/grad students who work for them? (and whether they could use extra help?)

thank you so much for reading!! i hope you have a wonderful day, and i love your blog ❤️

I admire your initiative and your desire to improve your research skills, which is why I'll have to gently say that I'm not sure this is the best way to go about it. There are a few reasons for that, namingly that first and foremost, professors are very busy and overworked people. They don't have time to do all the things they actually need to do and/or are actually paid for, and having to take extra time to summarize their research and/or organize it for an outsider who doesn't attend their university is, I'm afraid, probably going to be a pretty hard sell for most if not all of them. There's also the fact that if they do have the kind of research where it's useful to have a student assistant, there is no reason for them to give that spot to you and not one of their own students at the university, who are already actively enrolled, paying for their time, and contributing to their job and institution's research goals and projects. Not to mention that there are university confidentiality agreements, work-study arrangements, and all the rest, which would all preclude a professor just hiring a random non-student assistant off the street. Speaking from my current spot in university/department administration, I can say that it would definitely be a non-starter for us for a number of reasons. We just had an issue with flagging a student who wasn't technically enrolled in our specific program within our constituent college, although she was enrolled in the university, so bringing in someone with no connection to the university at all wouldn't fly, alas.

If you're really interested in working with THIS particular professor for some reason and not just a name you picked off a department directory with a form email that you're sending to any likely-looking candidate, you'll have to explain why in considerable depth, what you're doing or what your project is for, why you think it would be valuable for you AND for them for them to collaborate, and why you're contacting them directly instead of say, central Human Resources or the Careers page for the college. There are sometimes spots for research fellows, part-time lab assistants, or other jobs with the kind of work you seem to be looking for, but that requires you to go through the formal application/interview process like any other job and isn't something for which you can just slip in the back door (a professor would, for one thing, not likely be willing to just take you on without you going through the regular selection process for these posts and being interviewed by the university's regular hiring people).

As noted, there are legal liability issues, restrictions on what kind of information they can share with people even within the university let alone outside it, and the fact that it's not their job to hire and screen potential assistants for a research project UNLESS they are running an active project as the Principal Investigator (PI) and explicitly looking for student volunteers/employees (which even then will likely be searched/filled from within the university first). A cold email out of nowhere asking if they have some work for you, Random Stranger, will, unfortunately, go straight into the junk folder. If they're feeling polite, they might respond by directing you to reach out to HR, but that's a stretch. If you are planning to attend this university in the future, you might lead with that, because then they'll have more incentive to discuss what kind of options are available and so forth, but yeah. It's just not something I would expect to have a very great success rate and I know that if I got that kind of email, I would discard it pretty much out of hand. (I did get an extremely weird email a few weeks ago from someone asking ME if I would help THEM with their research, wherein they never specified so much as the basic subject area, what university they were at, what the project was, how they would envision me helping, why they chose me to contact, etc. It was basically a cautionary tale in how not to ask an academic to collaborate, and yes, it went pretty much straight into the recycle bin without a reply.)

If you still think after hearing this that you have a legitimate option to contact and at least feel out the waters (after all, never say never, stranger things have happened, etc) then yeah, uh, don't go with the "absolute stranger the professor doesn't know from Adam makes an unsolicited critique of their work and then asks for a job." Academics are used to receiving constructive criticism and it obviously comes with the territory, but it also comes within structured forums and at expected times -- when you present a paper to your peers at a conference, submit to a journal, etc. Popping out of nowhere to give unsolicited academic crit is as rude as popping out of nowhere to give unsolicited crit on a fanfic or something else that you've posted outside of the specific expectation of receiving it, wherein some "I Just Wanna Help" obnoxious mansplainer (gender neutral) says a lot of "helpful" things that nobody asked them for and then seems shocked when this isn't well received. I don't know who gave you that particular little nugget of uh, wisdom, but as you think, it's not something that strikes me in any way as a good idea, and would probably piss the academic off in a way that would have them venting to their friends and colleagues, and might therefore do you more harm than good in a number of different ways.

If you want to independently improve your research skills and work within the structure of academia-adjacent realms, what I really recommend doing is volunteering at your local public library, history/science museum, or other similar institution. They're always eager for volunteers and/or part-time employees, they have a number of different tasks and skills that need doing, it's a great way to build professional and community connections and see how things are done behind the scenes, and it looks good on your CV when or if you do apply to college (and then have a much easier path toward working with professors in the way you want to do). So yeah, all told, that's strongly what I'd recommend -- good luck!

#anonymous #ask #school stuff

28 notes · View notes

paintedmered · 7 months ago

Text

lyrical analysis of fortnight (ft. post malone) by taylor swift

disclaimers

my analysis will consider the album epilogue, in which taylor explains that her relationship with matty was 'not a love affair!' but a form of 'self-harm' stemming from a 'manic phase' as her relationship with joe disintegrated and then completely fell apart· it will take into account taylor saying matty 'love-bombed' her while feasting on 'low-hanging fruit'.

idc what matty stans think. i'm analysing taylor's perspective, not yours.

if you disagree with my interpretation, you don't need to attack me.

analysis!

based on taylor's amazon music commentary and my own interpretation of the song, fortnight seems to be a hypothetical future where she stays with joe and they get married, but he's not the person she's meant to be with. it picks up where hits different leaves off ('is it you or have they come to take me away?' / 'i was supposed to be sent away, but they forgot to come and get me') – after the break described in hits different, joe returned to her (it was his key in the door, after all) and they gave the relationship another try... but they shouldn't have. she needed out of it for the sake of her mental health. no one intervened, and she now wishes they had. saying they simply 'forgot' to come get her shows how she feels like she slipped through the cracks... (this also calls back to 'my friends found friends who care' from dear reader. she's been checked out with them, so they've been checked out with her.) a similar sentiment is given by 'i was a functioning alcoholic 'til nobody noticed my new aesthetic'. no one noticed how much she was struggling. now she feels more unwell than ever.

the relationship has progressed to the point that they're husband and wife, but their problems haven't been solved... he's cold towards her. he's cheating on her. (this represents the emotional cheating or weird almost-cheating that's implied elsewhere on the album to have actually happened ('he was with her in dreams' / 'fell victim to interloper's glances' / 'i founded the club she's heard great things about' / 'go home to their husbands, smug 'cause they know they can trust him') but also how she feels like his physical cheating is therefore inevitable in this hypothetical future.)

she wants another guy (matty), but he's also married to someone else now. she recalls/fantasises about a fortnight she spent with this guy (likely representing 2014, though whether it was literally or figuratively a fortnight is unclear – the point is that it was a short time). all her days are mondays (widely considered the worst day of the week) in an endless february (one of the coldest, most depressing months of the year) – her existence is merely something to endure. she 'loves' both men, but it's ruining her life. (one is unfaithful and keeps her trapped ('locks and ceilings' on fresh out the slammer), while the other makes her dream of destroying her life as she knows it...) she hates her cheating husband. she hates the other guy's perfectly nice wife. she feels insane and wants to kill someone.

taking the album epilogue into account, my reading of this is: fortnight was the fear – what she saw as the situation taken to its logical end if she didn't leave joe. matty whispered 'what if?' in her ear a lot when things were bad with joe, selling her the 'get-love-quick scheme' referred to in the epilogue – 'what if it's meant to be us? i've always wanted you. i've grown up. i'm ready to give you all the things you want that he won't give you!' ...and in her desperation, she thought, 'what if he's right? what if joe isn't my destined love? what if i stay with him just hoping things will be good again but they never are? what if i'm not meant to marry him anyway? what if i regret not taking a chance on this other guy, and he was meant to be the one all along?' (this is despite the fact that they were only ever involved very briefly in the past, possibly betraying that this 'love' is superficial. she's an unreliable narrator from the beginning of this record, and reality consistently slips through. she touched him for only a fortnight... still, she touched him. some important subtext here is that means she doesn't have to start all over with someone brand new...)

ultimately, she HAS to find out 'what if?'. so at the end of the song, she runs away to florida, buys the car this guy wants and lets him touch her again. there's a LOT of symbolism here: the car she thinks she's bought is actually the rental car he crashes in loml – it's not really hers, just something she uses for a short period of time. the setting of florida leads to the song florida, which contains the same/similar symbolism in the form of the 'timeshare down in destin'. the car is also a getaway car. it will only start up when she lets him touch her again because she's realised the only way to leave her relationship with joe and find out 'what if?' with matty is to actually just DO IT – to go be with him instead of just thinking about being with him (see also: guilty as sin?).

...the rest of the album is her realising she wishes she'd just left it alone ('it was unnecessary, should've let it stay buried' from loml). (this is also why the ivy/wcs mashup happened on tour, imo – he planted roots in her dreamland... but now that she knows, she wishes he'd left her wondering!)

- END -

analysis of other tracks coming soon?

#taylor swift #the tortured poets department #fortnight #fortnight ft. post malone #taylor swift meta #taylor swift lyrical analysis #my posts #text

6 notes · View notes

thehighfiveproject · 2 years ago

Text

But what do I say?

Hello, fellow High Fivers. We hope your Treasure Hunt is going well! (If you missed the Treasure Hunt announcement, no worries: the card and rules and schedule and everything are all right here.)

This Challenge Mode edition of the High Five Project is all about COMMENTING. In your day to day fic reading, maybe this is something you do all the time -- and high five, way to appreciate your favorite fic writers! -- but if you're a little shy about it or don't know quite what to say, this post is for you.

For the Treasure Hunt, we want to be sure that authors are getting fun & interesting comments. We've seen a lot of those fun "but I want to leave as many kudos as possible!" posts, and that would be fun! But we want to do a little more with this project than "I have already left kudos here" -- and more than just a simple "Thanks!" or "Good job!", because that's a kudos in word form. Still fun, but -- let's do more! Let's think of some comment options to leave on our treasures.

The Light 'n' Easy

Keep it simple, keep it tight. Not just 'thanks!' or 'Extra kudos!', but...

I really loved reading this fic, thank you for writing it!

This is my favorite pairing and you wrote it just how I like it -- thank you!

What a great scenario, I felt like I was there! Thank you!

Short, thankful, to the point. You liked it! Tell 'em! Even one sentence shows the author that you appreciate the work.

I See What You Did There

Authors tend to work pretty hard on their stories and they have to make a lot of choices about what to put in, what to take out, how the arc and characterization and everything works. If you like something specific, feel free to be specific.

The way you wrote Mr Spock's characterization is amazing. I really love how you included Canon Storyline and made him say XYZ to Kirk.

The sex scene was AWESOME. I didn't know Kirk could bend that way, haha. I love this fic so much, thank you!

Wow, the plot was really interesting here! I wasn't expecting that twist at all. When Scotty fell out of the hot air balloon -- omg! Great story!

Still short, still simple, but you paid attention! You noticed! Authors love that kind of thing.

Words Are Magic

Did you like a particular line, or piece of dialogue, or even just how some adjectives worked? Tell the author! A quote and a simple explanation of how/why you liked it is a warm drink on a cold day.

Question Time

Feeling more advanced? Sometimes -- sometimes! -- authors are happy to answer questions about their work. We urge you to put in some additional commentary first so they don't feel like a reporter just put a mic into their face on the sidewalk. Tell them what you liked, tell them a line you loved, tell them you were into the bit where X or Y happened; then you might say, "What do you think Spock was hoping would happen when he told Kirk his uniform tears too easily?" The author might give you some special insight into their thought process!

***

These are just ideas to give you a place to start when you're on your commenting quest. You can use this excellent browser extension to make it easier to 'comment as you go' and not forget what you wanted to say -- you can leave a single appreciative sentence -- you can write whole paragraphs telling the author every single thing you dug about the fic. The most important thing is that you give the author their well-deserved high five.

Happy hunting! - 🖐

#resources

21 notes · View notes

drifting-pieces-blog-blog · 11 months ago

Note

What’s your opinion on the Black, White and Blood stories for Moon Knight?

You ask a difficult question and that is okay. I'm here for it.

So I'm not going to do reviews on anything that came out this year for at least another year. At least not reviews where I break them down and post pictures and things. I may give some commentary or rant a little. I want to avoid anything current for several reasons, but the main reasons are:

Spoilers - Maybe someone has had a heck of a year and I want to give them plenty of time to discover the new thing, find time to enjoy the new thing, and then most importantly: Form their own opinions. It's very important that people have their own thoughts and opinions before they seek out what someone else thinks. It helps to open up discussion and also to open up the possibility of new opinions and well thought out arguments. At least this is my opinion on the matter.

The authors are listening. When it's brand new, the author is likely lurking somewhere looking for discourse or reviews or opinions. And CERTAIN authors have proven to be lurking around Tumblr and causing problems for negative reviews (one of them is an author in this series! I won't name names.)

I don't want to risk posting pictures on something new enough to still possibly have legal percussion. Marvel is owned by the mouse. #1 rule of the internet is don't mess with the mouse. I'm also not going to post any reviews on runs that are still going on, like for MacKay. I don't judge till their run is finished. I love what I've seen so far, but there's a chance he could take a huge shit at the finish line. (Please no. I hope he continues to do well and keeps going for a long time).

SO. Back to your question!

Issue 1:

Anubis Rex - Not a fan. Just wasn't my type of story. Nothing specific about it.

So White. Yet, so Dark - I love when Spider-man gets to be around the other lesser known heroes and I love it more when he's just chatty. This one was fun and I enjoyed it.

The End - This one was interesting. I appreciate a story told backwards once I get what's going on. He'll be fine. He's walked off worse.

Issue 2:

The Empty Tomb - Nope.

A hard day's knight - I wanted to like this one. The art was adorable. It had a good premis. But it fell flat for me. It felt like a jab at something that didn't need a jab. They could have done better.

Blood red glider - I'm a sucker for a well done story about Marc's past. This one was not bad. Didn't know what to think the first time. Gave it time. Now I'm alright with it. It has a certain feel to it that I appreciate.

Issue 3: Wrong turn - Jake Jake Jake Jake! This I love.

No Empty Sky- Not a fan.

Astronuts - Nothing personal. Just not my type of story. I'm sure it was fine.

Issue 4:

Good Morning - Alright. Very Marc.

The Scent of Blood - Why were there so many cult ones in this? I blame Bemis.

Born to be - Moon Knight vs. animal is a long time classic. Especially cats. ….also more cult things.

Over all! Why were there so many cult problems and blood sacrifices and just over all weirdness? I think two or three of them I genuinely enjoyed. The rest were either Meh or just upsetting to me. It was an interesting thing to see Moon Knight get treated a little extra special with many writers getting to try their hand at writing for this special little guy... Perhaps even a sort of Marvel Try out to see if any of them had the chops to actually do a full special or run later on.

But I also feel like some of them didn't know who Moon Knight was and just sort of threw in their own story that could have easily fit in with ANY character and didn't have to necessarily be Moon Knight. In that case, they are missing the point of writing for Moon Knight. Others I felt actually tried and missed the mark by just a tiny bit. And others got it. So not bad for a series of shorts.

What did you guys think of it? Which ones did you like and which ones did you hate?

#Got asked #Ask away #talk to me about Moon Kngiht #Black white and blood #Moon Knight comics #I'm long winded sometimes all the time

3 notes · View notes

moremysteriesthantragedies · 2 years ago

Text

"You want something bizarre..."

I am part of a system that writes books, stories, and other such content with my alters. If this makes you uncomfortable, this is not the blog for you! They may include little snippets and commentary in my posts from time to time. For taglists, please tag me at @nightmarishnotifs.

About Us

Office Guidelines (DNI)

I write about quite dark and occasionally NSFW topics, so this is not a space for minors. All minors will be blocked on sight.

If you're in the crowd that hates redemptive villains, cute murderers/monsters, or morally grey characters with a bit of a screw loose, this is definitely not the place for you.

The usual, bigots, racists, sexists, homophobes, transphobes, exclusionists, etc.

This is a writing blog, not a political one, so keep this in mind.

I really do not care for discourse. If you don't like someone's work, just don't support them. If something really bothers you, block it.

I highly value TWs. If you post about triggering topics without TWs you may get blocked. I'm just uncomfortable with it and want to ensure some things get blocked.

If you have an issue with self-diagnosis, I will not be comfortable with you here.

Folders (Tags)

My works - #mywriting

Other's works - #otherswriting

Currently reading - #bookshelf🍎

Updates - #nightmarishupdates

Ramblings - #smallreverbs

Random Ideas - #ideathingies

Short stories/oneshots - #nightmareshorts

Writing snippets - #writingsnippets

Writing opinions - #boldshouts

Memes - #writingmemers

Vents - #boldscreamsintothevoid

Main WIPS

(WIP tags will always just be the titles, spaces included).

Infernal Serenade

Rating: R | Genre: Horror, Romance, Mystery | POV: 1st person

Progress: 1 and a half/4 (Writing)

In a world made up of the human and supernatural (demonic even), some might find their worshippers are truly the only thing to fear. Following the story of Quentin Callista (Quince) as he investigates the strange occurrences surrounding Bradi Cohen of Chiffon Street, through the course of four books they might find their fates are intertwined in the strangest of ways. This is a tale of lust, of pride and wrath, greed, gluttony, and envy, even sloth! But most importantly, it's a story of finding love in the strangest of places.

FAI

Rating: R | Genre: Horror, Romance | Length: Two

Progress: Half/2 (Hiatus)

A young boy named Matthew is struggling with the recent and mysterious death of his mother. He isn't going to school and is trying to hide himself away, but, worst of all, his mother is constantly going out at odd hours and he feels none of the adults want to listen to him. In his lonely state, he ends up making friends with a FAI, an electronic toy that shows up at his house in the middle of the night, despite the recent and sudden delay in production.

LINE

Rating: R | Genre: Mystery, thriller | Length: Two

Progress: 13/30 Book One (Planning)

The city is full of many types of people. In one corner, there's a young man moving in and looking forward to the normal city life, and, in another, a woman whose life has been turned absolutely upside down. Unbeknownst to him, a childhood friend is plotting behind his back, the other two are left broken and struggling for control, and his neighbor might just be hiding a secret of their own. Upon moving back to the city, Clancy Jasper finds that some things about the city never change, in the worst possible ways.

Murder of a Sacred Deer

Rating: R | Genre: Mystery, horror | Length: One

Progress: ???/1 (Planning)

The Therons, a family in the 1960s, is completely torn apart by the death of the oldest child, Hart. Not only was he killed "on the hunt" but what he was hunting was hardly an animal. Unable to take this sudden realization, their adoptive youngest daughter, Roe, takes her life early. Except, death is not the peaceful release she was hoping for. Finding herself in Hell, Roe does her best to survive, spending several long years following that familiar voice on the radio, struggling with herself as to whether she should confront her brother, or leave the past in the past.

Side WIPS

Caballus Farms (M | Horror, Mystery) Extremely casual ARG experience that may be added more to or discussed as time goes on. I think it'd be fun to add some lore to this puppy (or horse...I guess)

The Ghost and The Sludge Monster (T | Romance) On a high school reunion trip has (now college students) Presley and Laurent realize that the monsters on the top and the bottom of the societal hierarchy might not be that different after all.

Oh...He's a Witch (T | Romance) After being stuck in his home after a traumatic event, Jay finds himself lured outside by his kind though very eccentric neighbors.

Polarized (M | Thriller) A one shot I will hopefully be able to edit soon. A revised version of an old WIP of mine, following a rock/popstar and his obsessed fan.

10 notes · View notes

jocrude · 11 months ago

Text

SKETCH FOR A BALLARDESQUE RE:DYSPHORIA

God, I can just see it. I can’t write it at the moment, but if Beat becomes En Vogue and has a revival in this Serpent-eating-its-tail we must for lack of a better meaning call Contemporary Culture…

(Author’s Note: First as tragedy, then as farce, then as farce, ad nauseum...The serpent of culture has been eating its tail until it has become sick, and irony/post-irony is our collective acid reflux, “as a dog returns to his vomit”[1] joyously hollow, exhaling from the nostrils with more oomph than usual, we do not holler with glee anymore but are now hollow with glee “like the bizarre euphoria after an hour’s vomiting”[2], but this too is a topic I must think on at an unspecified later…)

Anyways, the story I would’ve wrote went like this:

(Hang on, I should just note to you real quick that this sketch is, well, a sketch—as much for the artist’s future use as for the public’s consumption.)

Ahem. Anyways anyways, the story I would’ve wrote went like this:

You’ve read Deleuze, haven’t you? Postscript on Societies of Control?[3](If you haven’t I can’t blame you, he’s terminally French and not in the good way.) The whole inspiration for this thing was that a transgender mate of mine sent a link to a news article on a Discord server I (also transgender, and fresh from the Dandenong Mental Health Care Unit with Wellbutrin and a grudge,) was on. It was from Gamesradar, about an Autistic Savant for hacking being hospitalised for life after he leaked something or other related to Grand Theft Auto Six.[4] The text, unaltered, from my transgender mate, is as follows:

The autistic 18 year old responsible for the GTA 6 leaks will be locked away in a secure hospital for an indefinite period of time Because he wants to continually commit cybercrimes as soon as possible

He's an autistic savant of hacking and cybercrime

I reposted it to another Discord server, with the following commentary:

So apparently there's an 18 year old autistic savant for hacking who has hacked Nvidia and Microsoft in the past and he's being hospitalised for life after leaking GTA 6 stuff. This is so bizarre it's funny but it's also shit like this that perfectly outlined why I'm anti-psychiatry. It's a prison system for crimethink. Also, read Deleuze's "Postscript on Societies of Control", I know he has a reputation for being incomprehensible but this is a short and easy-to- understand read. Dividuals being punished in anticipation of crimes they may possibly commit related to unauthorised transmission of information. [Link to said text on The Anarchist Library.]

(Author’s note: We’re pretentious! Yes, haha! Young and irritating! I’m noting this with glee as I write.)

Now, enter a third transgender online mate:

he's friends with maia of hacking the no-fly-list fame[5]

i think i once joked that congress will put us all in mental hospitals if this keeps happening, so this tracks

And, Quoth I, like some fateful Cassandra: (the thought that started all this bother you’re now reading about, drumroll please…)

God I can see a dystopian future where the Republicans are like "trans people need to be killed" and the democrats are like "God that's too far, but look at the correlations between gender dysphoria and autism, depression, adhd, anxiety, etc.. Let's just hospitalise them." Trans people crowded into sanatoriums working on a shoestring budget, those few who wear the mask well enough to become outpatients too disillusioned to have hope of getting well and unsure if the answers they give are a mask or their real face, new neuroses springing from that... And a society of very concerned moderates debating to what extent the hospitalisation scheme could be improved.

I’ll need to develop that! That’s a very golden idea! I’m a good writer because I am developing this idea, and you’re not. But I’m not that good of a writer. So! I make sketches, so as to help me practice and that.[6] Our hero is a Transgender just like me. She’s the wrong type of transgender (unlike me), the cringey type, not so much Bigger Thomas as Blahaj Thomas[7], painful as the pun just there. She will be an outpatient in this stratified system of liberal compromise, one of the shining examples of the Utopian Solution to the Transgender Question.

(Author’s Note: As I’m writing this, I think back to how I told the psychiatrist at the Dandenong Mental Hospital that I couldn’t quite remember if I was diagnosed Schizoaffective. I think back to when I watched “Conspiracy”, a BBC docudrama made using the actual minutes from the Wannsee Conference[8]. I think of Croissants, another French invention with too many layers. I think of watching a video on my phone at Marie Bashir[9], another hospital, Plastic Pills (a youtuber) on Deleuze and Schizoanalysis[10]. Lines of flight between layers. I think of pretentiousness, using words and concepts you don’t have a right to know. I think of when I learned about Zen Koans, riddles you unravel to a solution you know but can’t explain because it just feels right.)

Anyways, anyways, what was I saying again? Oh yeah. In this dystopia our heroine will inhabit, the Republicans and Democrats have worked together rather like a Caduceus[11] to create a society of control, of prevention, of compromise, for the Transgender infection. The Transgender,(Capital T,) whom Nick Land rather astutely called the “jews of gender,” presents an exciting new problematic in the deaf-dumb-and-blind machine of Capital’s social controls. I vaguely remember Wallerstein talking about a “fuzzy border” theory.[12] Jews, in Wallerstein’s analysis of Antisemitism as-I-vaguely-remember-it, are capable of being absorbed into the “White” racial category when societally convenient. Yet there are signifiers remaining upon them that mark them as an “eternal outsider” ready to be scapegoated in times of social distress. I remember Wallerstein or Balibar or one of those bloody Continentals furthermore saying that the sociological function of bigotry is more or less to rank and stratify class society into a more modular, flexible, “fuzzy” collection of groups that can be ejected or absorbed; as ballast for the floating, headless, decomposing corpse of Capital and the blind and desperate ecosystem that feeds upon the corpse-wax. I might have added that last bit myself.

But Jews beget jews. There is a clear, unbroken line of matrilineal descent. The reason this problematic is so exciting is that nobody really knows what causes one to become transgender. It is abhorrent to say, but, in theory, “the jews” as an ethnic group could be wiped out. “Exterminate all the brutes”[13], the Nazis hoped, in theory if they were able to sever that line of matrilineal descent the jewish race would cease to be. (Reality interjects of course and says that genocide on such scale is so anti-human as to not be feasible, but genocidaires don’t really care much about what Reality says.) The Transgender cannot be wiped out permanently, pulled out at the root, it is an enemy/ally/thing-to-cry-over that has various manifestations and suppressions throughout the history of gender expression but always exists, at least as far as we know. A perfect enemy, a punching bag that always pops back up.

Anyways, anyways. The Republicans wanted to kill all Transgenders but this, like most genocides or genocide-adjacent-things, was unfeasible. The Democrats, concerned moderates that they are, saved the day and created a social welfare scheme. Recognising the correlation between Gender Dysphoria and things like Autism, Depression, Suicide Attempts (41%!), and maybe Schizo-spectrum disorders that the author is not quite sure she has, the Democrats set up a Bureau of Psychiatry that, in that typical strange American way, was instated for the good of the Gender-Diverse. I remember a fourth online transgender mate of mine sent me a copy of Fanon’s Wretched Of The Earth, and Black Skin, White Masks, as a Christmas present, that I read while staying at Marie Bashir Hospital and sadly left behind when I moved to Melbourne. I think I remember Fanon talking about how re-education was a particularly nasty form of torture, because one would be left unsure whether what they were saying was what they needed to say to get out of the torture, or what they honestly believed.

We observe things from the point of view of a concerned moderate looking in. Like an odd ant in a terrarium, our heroine has been detected to be infected with gender dysphoria, and autism, and is funnelled into the Bureau Of Psychiatry. They talk in a despicable and cringeworthy way about bits of very online transgender culture that they have absorbed; they are a simulacrum of woman, not woman itself. But as they are funnelled through the Bureau of Psychiatry they learn to answer various questions in so accurate a manner as to move to the top levels of the sorting algorithm of mental deficiency, and learn to put on an act to be as close to an ideal functioning human being as someone who has been marked with a mental disorder can be. Along the way, they become more and more removed from the vague psychic-emotional signifiers of womanhood that implanted their dysphoria to begin with. They wear the mask; the mask wears them.

[1]Proverbs 26:11

[2]A quotation appropriated from the TV series “Brass Eye”(1997)

[3]Gilles Deleuze, “Postscript on Societies of Control”(1990)

[4]https://www.gamesradar.com/hacker-behind-gta-6-leak-will-be-confined-to-a-secure-hospital-for-life-due-to-his-intent-to-return-to-cybercrime-as-soon-as-possible/

[5]Maia Arson Crimew, high-profile transgender hacker who was put on trial for cyber-crimes; https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maia_arson_crimew

[6]Pronounced “An’nat”, an affected Commonwealth vocal tic. Useless Information.

[7]Bigger Thomas, the thuggish, antisocial black protagonist of Richard Wright’s anti-racist novel “Native Son.” Blahaj, a blue plush shark sold by Ikea, stereotypically associated with “femboys” and a certain very online milieu of gender-diverse people that other transsexuals regard as “cringeworthy.”

[8]https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wannsee_Conference

[9]The Professor Marie Bashir Centre, containing a mental health unit where the author was confined for a period of four months because they lacked a home to return to.

[10]Refer to the YouTube playlist Deleuze by Plastic Pills “All of the main Deleuze content from creator Plasticpills assembled in one place. Alongside the video intros, listen to some of the world's foremost experts in Deleuze studies advise how to approach these difficult texts. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLx5jMl5-m5ZSyaYg7hTBynO6iDFlrDUtr

[11]Not to be confused with a Rod of Asclepius, the symbol of medicine. Quoth Wikipedia: “Although the Rod of Asclepius, which has only one snake and no wings, is the traditional and more widely used symbol of medicine, the Caduceus is sometimes used by healthcare organizations. Given that the caduceus is primarily a symbol of commerce and other non-medical symbology, many healthcare professionals disapprove of this use.”

[12]Etienne Balibar and Immanuel Wallerstein, “Race, Nation, Class:Ambiguous Identities”(1991)

[13]Joseph Conrad, “Heart of Darkness.” The Unlucky number.

#poems on tumblr #original poem #avant garde #lgbtqia #neurodivergent #antipsychiatry #schizoposting #schizo spectrum #mental health #mental illness #mentally fucked

4 notes · View notes

k--havok · 2 years ago

Text

Untitled Blog Update #1

Alright, ‘tis been a while, but I am ready to try and get back into the swing of things this writeblr!

I’ve been getting quite a few new followers recently (welcome!) despite how dead this blog has been so I thought I would post a few updates.

I am not dead, for one! Which is great as the end of this year really did try its darndest. Between work, depression, and the holidays I haven’t had time to do any writing or blogging whatsoever. But insurance is about to turn over (I work in the medical field for those who don’t know) which means the slow season is about to start.

I dislike New Years resolutions as much as the next person and just find New Years to be a pain in general. That being said, I do want to work on my place in the writeblr community as well as on my own writing and projects in the next year, as is always my goal.

Writing-wise, my goals are the following:

Really try and focus on one main (new!) project for the next year

Try and FINISH a first draft of a novel (’tis elusive for me)

Share more snippets

Research different publishing options for the future

Make a habit of doing writing exercises and writing a little every day, even if it's short snippets.

My focus tends to bounce everywhere and I can’t seem to plot or write a longer project to save my life (which is ironic since I use to write novel-length fanfiction with no issues...) It’s something I really want to work on tackling and see where the issues are arising.

As part of working on a proper first draft, I plan on sharing my progress and work on this blog of course! I will be careful, however, as I am not sure whether or not I will be publishing in the future.

Likewise, I am interested in trying to work on writing as often as possible and incorporating more exercises into my routine. Even if I’m just sitting at my desk at work describing the windows, it’s practice and its better than not writing at all.

Blog-wise, my goals are:

Try and interact with more writeblrs; I’m awkward and bad at it.

Produce content for a wider writeblr audience such as general commentary, writing advice, memes, and (questionably) funny content

Participate in tag games and themed days to the best of my abilities

Follow more writeblrs and projects

Read work from fellow writeblrs and be able to comment on said work

It’s hard for me to keep up a lot of times. I also have a hard time knowing when to comment on things, when not to, etc. But if I don’t actually do those things, I’ll never learn.

I also am still working on my blog to make it easier to navigate and find important information regarding my stories and my writing specifically. Since I plan on focusing on a single and new longer WIP, I am hoping that will be a bit easier to manage.

Anyways! That shall be all for now. I will probably post some other misc. updates as 2023 hurtles closer as I think of them as well, so keep an eye out for those if you’re interested!

#writeblr #writeblr community #blog update #writeblr update #writers on tumblr #writeblr blog

5 notes · View notes

miekasa · 3 years ago

Note

speaking of college boys, what do the college au aot babies study??

Okay, okay, I think I’ve talked about this in an ask before but I can’t find it 😭😭 but it’s okay, I love college aus, so I’ll talk about it again! Plus, now I’ve got more thoughts for more characters, so here we go

Levi — neuroscience and psychology of human behavior

He started out on track to do a bachelor of arts in psychology, but when they touched on the anatomy and biological parts of it during his first year lecture, he switched to a bachelor of science.

The focus is still psychology, but through a more clinical lens. Essentially, he gets the best of both worlds this way. He’s intuitive and analytical, so clinical and mental diagnosis is easy to dissect for him. He’s also canonically good at math, so the calculus and stats parts aren’t too bad, either.

This major also leaves him with a few options post-grad, which is a nice bonus for him. He’s likely going to medical school, but that’s not the only route open to him: law school, therapy, lab work, medicine and pharmacy, even teaching are all viable options without going to grad school.

Do not talk to him about Freud unless you wanna get punted off a building.

Be careful with him, because with a single glance he’s already got scarily accurate predictions about your parental and emotional attachment styles, your behavior in social settings, and the onset (or seemingly lack thereof) of your frontal lobe development.

He thinks he’s so smart making comments like, “I see those synaptic connections aren’t working so well for you today,” like mf come here let me lobotomize you and see how well your synaptic connects are working after that🙄

Eren — general health sciences

He’s interested in science and the discovery aspects of it, but picking a specific field of focus right now feels too final. He likes it this way, because his schedule and requirements are less restrictive, and he has more room to find out what really interests him.

He does best when he’s doing something he loves, so picking a major with a bunch of reqs that he couldn’t care less about would have sucked big time for him. It also would have affected his grades. There are still some classes he has to take that he’s not fond of (see: chemistry), but that’s to be expected. Science in general is cool to him and he hopes to make his own discovery some day, even if it’s microscopic.

He also plays a lot of sports, keeping his schedule flexible is important. The sports end up helping him excel academically, which is a nice bonus. Honestly, Eren uses his time at university to learn more about himself than anything, so having control and freedom to do what he likes the majority of the time was important to him.

He uses his elective credits to take philosophy or history courses of his interest, or maybe even a course that you’re in just to spend time with you. He also uses you as a live model for his homework bye, congrats on being patient number one to him.

Armin — astronomy and physics

He’s still interested in marine biology, but unless he attended a school near a coast, or with a specialized integrated program for that, it’s unlikely he’d major in it during undergrad.

Space and ocean exploration aren’t all that different. Both are vast, largely unexplored domains that reel-in Armin’s interest for discovery. So, while studying astronomy, he still gets to study evolution and make his own predictions about what could be out there because there’s so much to know.

Physics comes with the territory of learning about planetary science, and he’s mathematically inclined, so it works out for him. Learning about the different physical properties of other planets and space masses is honestly pretty sick to him. Because math isn’t a struggle, he actually considered aeronautical engineering, but he didn’t want to be a part of the college to military pipeline; that is, he didn’t want any potential design of his to be weaponized.

He still gets to study animal biology through his elective courses, and might even find a few focused on marine animals to satiate him. Plant and cell biology are also of interest to him, and are just further applications of his primary study anyway, so he’s got plenty of room to work with.

This boy is interning at NASA and still, with his whole chest out is like, “I don’t need to discover a new planet, you’re my whole world.” Armin, go check on the Mars rover or something please.

Mikasa — anthropology + minor in japanese language studies

Anthropology is virtually interdisciplinary in nature, and Mikasa is a pretty well rounded student, so she’s able to excel in a program like this. She gets to study history, science, cultural studies, and even a bit of art all at once.

She’s still debating between going to law school vs med school, so anthro this is a good in-betweener. She gets a taste of science through her anatomy and kin courses; and lots of practice with reading and dissecting texts through the historical and cultural lectures. So, when the time comes to decide, she’ll have some experience with both.

Don’t know whether it’s confirmed that she’s (part) Japanese or not, but either way I headcanon that she speaks/spoke some second language at home. She wanted to delve more into it, and courses were offered at the university so why not?

Cultural studies courses end up being her favorite. She likes learning about the history of people and their cultures, and it encourages her to learn more about her own family history and culture. It also propels her to apply for a study abroad opportunity, so she spends at least one semester doing an exchange program and absolutely loves it.

She would also encourage you to apply and go, too. You guys might not be in the same program, but if there’s an applicable program in the same country she’s going to, then she’d definitely want you to apply. Spending the semester away with you would be a dream come true.

Hange — bioengineering + minor in political philosophy and law

It’s almost self-sabotage to be in an engineering program and have a minor; the coursework for engineering alone is backbreaking, and bioengineering has the added weight of human intricacies, but of course Hange makes it possible.

They’re nothing short of a genius, so of course they have time to work a completely unrelated minor into their schedule. It doesn’t surprise anyone that they go on to complete an MD-PhD after undergrad. Insane.

Bioengineering is essentially the synthesis of chemical engineering and health sciences; Hange spends their time exploring biological sciences and applies the engineering aspects of their coursework to their understanding of (and interest in creating) medicine. Truly a one of a kind mind.

They also have an interest in philosophy and justice, so when they found out they only needed a measly nine or ten courses to minor in, they went for it, of course. In honesty, they don’t find the studies all that opposing: both law making and medicine making both have some kind of philosophy or method to them in their eyes.

Hange has... little to no free time pls. They don’t mind it, because they love their coursework, but this means you are essentially ducking into their labs or scrambling to find them in-between their classes during your time in undergrad. They appreciate every second spent with you tho, and will gladly rope you into long discussions about their work.

Jean — biochemistry + minor in art sustainability

He was undeclared his first year, and took a little bit of everything: art, science, history, anthropology, english. Basically, anything that fit into his schedule. It was hard for him to pick one thing—he liked the science and lab applications of STEM courses, but not the math; and the obvious painting and creativity of art, but hated the pretentious air about art history.

What he wants to do is make a difference, which is how he ends up knowing that he wants to go to med school after, so he picks a science-heavy major, but uses his elective spaces to take art courses. When he mixes the two, he ends up on sustainability—and the complexities about it that are applicable to both science and art are what really reels him in.

Interdisciplinary studies end up being his forte. He can approach sustainability from a science perspective which impacts his art style and materials; and tuning into his creative side allows him to think about science not just from a purely clinical perspective, but from a human one, too—patients are people after all.

He believes that everything is connected somehow, even things as seemingly opposite as art and biochemistry. And he works towards finding the unique intersection where everything overlaps. His studies are pretty cool, and he’s very passionate about them, so ask him about it 😌

The art he makes is pretty sick, too, and often commentary about science; he’s proving they’re not so opposite. You also heavily influence his studies in both areas: caring about you so much inspires him to take the healthcare focus seriously, and your very nature is inspiration to his art.

Sasha — nursing

She’s friendly and good at working with people, so nursing was an easy choice for her. She accredits most of her motivation to being around her younger family members, and learns that she finds a simple kind of joy in helping to take care of others.

She struggles a bit her first year when it’s mostly all grades and standardized testing, but when she starts getting clinical experience and working in the hospital on campus, things round out for her.

Patient care is her strongest point. A lot of people often forget that knowing everything isn’t everything; if you don’t know how to calm or even just talk to your patient, you’re not that great of a healthcare professional.

Pretty certain that she wants to work with kids in the future, but she’s open to public health and even being a travel nurse if she finds opportunity there!

Of course, she’s pretty doting when it comes to you and all her friends. She might want to go into pediatrics, but the basics of nursing and health care extend to everyone, so you’re guaranteed to be well taken care of with Sasha around. You might even have to switch roles and take care of her sometimes, because her coursework can get pretty out of hand.

Connie — computer engineering with a focus on game design

He might not look it, but Connie has a brain under that shaved head of his. Computer engineering is cool to him because he basically learns about how simple things he uses every day (ie: phone, computer, microwave) works.

Systems and coding are actually the easy part for him, especially when they get into the application of it and aren’t just stuck looking at examples. That’s how he gets into game design.

The part about math and electricity and magnetic fields… well let’s just say he needed to make friends with someone who likes math and hardware his first year to get through it. But the struggle was worth it, because by his junior year he’s found a professor willing to mentor/supervise him as he works on his game and other projects, so life is good.

His school work is definitely hard, which is why the lives by the mantra of “work hard, party harder.” It’s only fair.

He makes you a little avatar so you can test out his games for him <33 best boyfriend things <33 He’d also… build a game about your relationship. Every level is a different date you guys went on, and he definitely includes something cheesy, like “There are unlimited lives because I love you forever babe <3”

Porco — kinesiology + maybe mechanical engineering

He’s pretty into athletics and working out, but didn’t wanna go down the sports psychology route; he wanted something that left him with a few more options, so he ended up in kinesiology.

He was surprisingly pretty good at biology in high school, so something stem-oriented works out in his favor, and it turns out he’s pretty damn good at anatomy, too. He’ll probably end up in physical therapy after graduation.

He’s also got a knack for cars, which is where the engineering comes in, but he doesn’t care so much for the math part of it (he doesn’t care for it at all actually, fuck that); he just wants the hands on experience of building/fixing things and working with his hands. So, if he can get a minor in it and not struggle through 4 years of math, then he’d do that. If not, he’d take a few workshop-like classes.

Because he wants to go into physical therapy, you are essentially his practice patient. Your back hurts? Not a problem, he’s basically a professional masseuse. Muscle aches? He’s got a remedy and understanding of why it’s happening. Don’t let him catch you hunting over your desk grinding away at your homework, because he will poke your neck and correct your posture (he’ll also massage your shoulders, but after the scolding).

Pieck — classics + minor in philosophy

Ancient studies interest her, but more than that, the language of ancient Greek and Roman culture fascinates her, so classics is the way to go.

Because her focus within Classics ends up being Greek and Latin language studies, she is essentially learning both languages at the same time. She gets farther with Latin that she does with Greek. For whatever reason, the former comes almost naturally to her, so her written and translated work is more complex in Latin.

However, she finds cultural studies relation to Greece more interesting than that of Rome, so it’s a give and take with both; better at languages for Roman studies, better at culture and history for Greek studies.

Her minor is a natural evolution from her primary coursework. Ancient Romans and Greeks set the foundation for a lot of modern day philosophy, so it comes up in her major classes, but she wanted to delve further into the philosophy, and not just look at it historically, so she takes more courses to fulfill the minor.

Can be found laying on a blanket in the quad on a hot day, with her books spread out all around her, highlighter in hand as she works through her reading. You’re always invited to sit with her, and more often than not, it ends up with Pieck’s head in your lap, a book in her hands, and your own schoolwork in yours as you both read in each other’s company.

Bertholdt — computer science and coding

He’s level headed, good at planning, and above all, patient, so he’s cut out for this. He doesn’t consider himself to be particularly creative, which is why he doesn’t pick a speciality with lots of design; but he’s good at streamlining and ideas to life.

The patience really comes in when his code doesn’t run. It’s frustrating to scroll for two hours just to find out that the issue is a missing semi-colon in line 273 that he overlooked, but Berty will sit there until he finds it.

He’s also good at fixing issues. That’s not limited to issues in the code itself; it can mean finding shorter ways to produce the same function or loop, or integrating new aspects into existing code.

Also, he’d just be so cute, coding away on his computer. Just imagine: Berty working on his homework in the library, he’s got his signature crewneck + collared shirt look going for him, his blue-light glasses, a cup of coffee nearly as tall as him sitting at the corner of his desk. Adorable.

He’d make little codes/programs for you, too, even if it’s silly. A simple code that helps you decide what to eat for dinner or where to go on a date, one that shuffles different reminders for you, hell he’ll even forgo the torture of design engineering just to build you a little robot that says “I love you” to you.

Reiner — english + minor in justice & political philosophy

Everyone expects Reiner, star quarterback of the university’s rugby team, to be a business student or communications student; but no, he’s an English major, and he loves it.

Just imagine a guy as huge as Reiner absolutely manhandling someone on the field, just to show up in his lectures with a tiny paperback of The Great Gatsby tucked between his fingers with his reading glasses on. It’s so precious.

He’s always running a bit late to class—either coming from the gym, or practice, or oversleeping from exhaustion—but he’s so sweet to his professors and genuinely interested in the literature that they don’t give him a hard time about it. They can tell that balancing school and sports is difficult, and they just appreciate that he takes his studies seriously.

Yeah he’s in a book club and he dog-ears his books. What about it. They’re doing poetry this month and Reiner actually likes Edgar Allen Poe. Who said jocks can’t be sentimental.

He also reads a lot outside of his classes, and has a soft spot for coming of age stories. He usually empathizes with the main character somehow. His ideal weekend plans after a week of grueling games and essays is taking a long, relaxing shower at your place, while you both share a bottle of wine, and maybe even get you to read a chapter or two of his current book out loud to him.

Annie — clinical psychology/neuroscience

Almost scarily analytical and methodic, so this major was calling her name. Localizing brain legions is… insanely intuitive to her it’s incredible. She’ll be an insanely impressive doctor someday, even if she doesn’t end up working with patients directly.

She doesn’t care too much for the more philosophical/reading heavy parts of psychology. Even experiments and research closer to the social end of the spectrum aren’t all that interesting to her; but the brain science behind it it.

Nobody should be good at cellular biology. Nobody should be able to ace cell bio and neuro and calc and work towards their thesis proposal in the same semester, but Annie proves it’s possible.

Ends up working in one of her professor’s labs by her junior year. She was offered three TA positions working with first year students, but she swiftly turned them down. Teaching isn’t her thing.

She doesn’t bring up her studies to you unprompted, but if you ask her about them she’ll explain it to you. Her notes are color coded and it’s super neat, and very cute; coloring them is somewhat relaxing for her. She usually saves the coloring part for when you guys study together; there’s extra comfort in doing it with you around.

535 notes · View notes

autumnslance · 2 years ago

Photo

LynMars’s FFXIV Write 2022 Master Post

Writings completed for this year’s daily challenge. As usual any of my ship-related content is marked with an asterisk (*) to seek or avoid as needed.

The goal this year was to write less than I have in previous years; to allow myself shorter scenes and not push myself on free days. To actually relax, have fun, and not stress about writing “enough”. To make my prose just as long as it needed to be.

Overall, I succeeded in said goals.

Breakdowns and commentary under the cut for those interested!

1. Cross - Two travelers’ journey over time & adventuring together. 2. Bolt - Iyna doing her duty as a rebel versus the Empire. 3. Temper - Midgardsormr keeps a promise to forge a hero. 4. Free Day! 5. Cutting Corners - Dark Autumn after a company officer meeting. 6. Onerous - Thancred & the Immortal Flames, post-Ifrit. 7. Pawn - Emelia obtains passage for her family to Thavnair. 8. Tepid - Zaine realizing he doesn’t belong with the Radiant Host. 9. Yawn - Aeryn escaping the Bloody Banquet through the tunnel. 10. Channel - C’oretta’s thought processes. 11. Free Day! 12. Miss the Boat - Urianger, Moenbryda, and regrets. 13. Confluence - Venat tracing the flow of fate. 14. Attrition - Ser Ompagne has a brief theological discussion. 15. Row - Dark versus a certain baby behemoth. 16. Deiform - Dark, Aeryn, Iyna, & C’oretta in Delubrum Reginae. 17. Novel* - Aeryn, Thancred, & a borrowed book over time. 18. Free Day - Memory* - Aeryn & Thancred discuss his possession. 19. Turn a Blind Eye - Lahabrea contemplates his mistakes. 20. Anon - Ryne learning two opposing definitions of the word. 21. Solution - 2 Azems discuss the plans for the Final Days. 22. Veracity - In a possible future, Iyna ensures history’s truth. 23. Pitch* - Thancred knows how to distract Aeryn when necessary. 24. Vicissitudes - Ascian viewpoints on their stolen mortal bodies. 25. Free Day! 26. Break a Leg - Iyna & C’oretta help the dancers at a recital. 27. Hail - An Estinien PoV of the final fight in the Aitiascope. 28. Vainglory - The Warrior of Light isn’t what Jullus expected. 29. Fuse - Tanzel thinks of ways to handle his stepchild’s temper. 30. Sojourn - A family of travelers, in 1 lifetime & perspective.

Totals: 18,813 words.

A bit more than my 2018 (around 16k), less than my 2019 (21.4K), and way less than 2020 and 2021. I was realistic about my time and energy, asked myself what is the core idea or scene I really want to get across, and any spot-editing was for tightening wording and phrases. I feel like it got harder to keep writing shorter as the month went on and my focus slipped--and I really got into a writing groove!

I could have definitely gone on longer for some of these, and do have other scene ideas and notes in the drafts. But for the 24 hour challenge I tried to keep them short, though they’re each as long as they need to be.

I did mean to put out old WIPs again on free days, but that time/energy factor combined with busy weekends, so I took them off. "Memory" actually came out of "Yawn" and was plinked at over the week before it went up for the 18th.

Only a couple wolcred fics this year; got in a good mix of NPCs and OCs, with Iyna taking a bit more of a POV spotlight in the non-Aeryn-focused stories, though all the girls got at least one. More Ancients and Ascians than I generally go with, though still made sure some favorite Scions got in there. And a bit more of Aeryn's family and backstory, as getting Thavnair finally has put that forefront in my brain.

I was hoping something would spark an idea for an Avengret chapter I feel is "missing" but I may have to resign myself to the fact that chapter doesn't want to be written as I continue revising last year's unexpected longfic. Thankfully this year's prompts were all standalones.

More Breakdowns:

Longest: 17 Novel, 2073. Shortest: 15 Row, 220.

Between 1500 - 2000: 24 Vicissitudes (1522), 29 Fuse (1678) Between 1000 - 1499: 18 Memory (1034) Between 500 - 999: 3 Temper (537), 8 Tepid (500), 10 Channel (586), 12 Miss the Boat (824), 13 Confluence (702), 14 Attrition (683), 20 Anon (839), 21 Solution (532), 22 Veracity (857), 28 Vainglory (864), 30 Sojourn (989) Between 200 - 499: 1 Cross (386), 2 Bolt (299), 5 Cutting Corners (445), 6 Onerous (488), 7 Pawn (300), 9 Yawn (375), 15 Row (220), 16 Deiform (375), 19 Turn a Blind Eye (277), 23 Pitch (481), 26 Break a Leg (462), 27 Hail (485)

General WoL: 1 Cross, 3 Temper, 13 Confluence, 22 Veracity I tend to default to feminine pronouns when writing Generic Default WoL.

WoL Aeryn (as an adult): 6 Onerous, 9 Yawn, 16 Deiform, 17 Novel, 18 Memory, 23 Pitch, 27 Hail, 28 Vainglory, 30 Sojourn

Wolcred: 17 Novel, 18 Memory, 23 Pitch.

Child Aeryn: 7 Pawn, 29 Fuse

Aeryn’s Family: 7 Pawn, 8 Tepid, 29 Fuse, 30 Sojourn

Other OCs: 2 Bolt (Iyna), 5 Cutting Corners (Dark), 10 Channel (C'oretta), 15 Row (Dark & Violet), 16 Deiform (Iyna, Dark, C'oretta, Aeryn), 21 Solution (Pandora), 22 Veracity (Iyna), 26 Break a Leg (Iyna & C'oretta)

Ancients & Ascians: 13 Confluence (Venat), 19 Turn a Blind Eye (Lahabrea), 21 Solution (Venat), 24 Vicissitudes (Lahabrea & Emet-Selch)

Other NPCs: 3 Temper (Midgardsormr), 12 Miss the Boat (Urianger, Moenbryda, Louisoix), 14 Attrition (Ser Ompagne), 20 Anon (Ryne, Ran’jit, Thancred), 27 Hail (Estinien, other Scions)

#Final Fantasy XIV #FFXIVWrite2022 #Lyn Writing #Aeryn Striker #Dark Autumn #C'oretta Khell #Iyna Cauld #Scions of the Seventh Dawn #Endwalker #Shadowbringers #Stormblood #Heavensward #A Realm Reborn #Backstory

37 notes · View notes

mama-qwerty · 2 years ago

Note

Ooh directors commentary on that little bit you posted with Bby Shadow and Maria?

You mean Hide the Hog?

Short answer:

That was a cute little scene that popped into my head as I thought about what day-to-day life would be for Maria and Shadow. I don't see him as being a little cranky bastard from the get-go--he's just a normal little baby who loves his Maria and wants to play. His experiences later shape him into a testy, withdrawn boy who hides his emotional side from anyone who isn't Maria. It's just safer that way.

But Baby Shadow loves Maria, and she loves him, and they trust each other completely. He's a happy boy here, because the scientists haven't started their experiments and such on him yet. They want him to get a little older (and stronger) before subjecting him to those invasive procedures.

So Maria tries to give him as normal a life as possible, stuck in the ARK as they are. She makes up games and stories and gives him all the hugs and snuggles he wants as she tries to keep him happy and healthy.

Long answer that goes into so much more detail than you ever wanted to know, but damnit, I wanna talk about it:

In my version of their story (which I really, really hope to get written), Maria is a private in the military, brought in to be Shadow's "handler" of sorts. He's the only specimen from Project Shadow that survived the creation process, but wasn't doing well at all shortly after his "birth".

(I wrote something up about their first meeting and posted it on ao3.)

Gerald hand picked Maria to be assigned to Shadow. She has no idea he is her grandfather. Her mother was estranged from him, as she thought he spent way too much time on his "projects" and not enough on the family. Especially after his wife died from an extremely aggressive, and inoperable, brain tumor.

Fast forward. Maria's mother also dies from the same type of tumor. One that is lurking inside Maria's head as well, although she doesn't know it.

As far as the government knows, Gerald created Shadow to cure all diseases. (I haven't decided if Shadow is part of the whole Black Arms thing in this version.) In reality he created Shadow specifically to cure Maria from the cancer that stole his wife and daugher from him. It works, but the problem is, his healing abilities only work on Maria. They have no effect on any of the other terminally ill patients they try his blood on.

Maria and Shadow grow close, and soon the two are inseparable at the ARK. She has as much free reign as possible to deal with him, although the General in charge absolutely hates Shadow's existence. He's disgusted the Professor is "wasting" Uncle Sam's money on something that's only meant to be a glorified vaccine--which doesn't even work--and decides to take matters into his own hands to help the government "get their money's worth".

He plants his own loyal scientists in Gerald's team, and they perform experiments and alterations on Shadow unbeknownst to the Professor. He's now essentially a sleeper agent, with a control chip in his head.

As the various "procedures" continue (artificually aging him, and honing his developing unexpected powers), and the General's heavy-handed oversight and control gets worse, it takes a toll on Shadow. His relationship with Maria puts the girl at risk of the General's anger, and she unknowingly taught him to hide his true emotions from everyone but each other. And as much as he loves her, he starts to pull away in an effort to keep her safe from the General's wrath.

Maria is also feeling uneasy at the change she sees in her boy. Where there was once a happy kid who loved to play, a sullen, angry boy has taken his place. The procedures hurt. He's in nearly constant pain as they increase the frequency of his aging, which makes it feel like he's stretching.

The day comes where Maria can't take watching him suffer anymore, and she and Gerald conspire to get him out of there. Plans are made, the day finally comes, and they look to be home free. Until the General appears.

Gerald is shot, Maria is shot, and Shadow is dragged back to have his memory altered so he'll be a good little soldier. Good soldiers follow orders.

There are a few twists and surprises in there I haven't disclosed, but this is the basic gist of my version of Shadow's story.

#ask me #shadow the hedgehog #maria robotnik #my writing #my fics #shadow and maria

13 notes · View notes

cozycryptidcorner · 4 years ago

Photo

To Train Up a King, Chapter 1/5

Note: For this story, I'm going to do something a tad different. Instead of a full 10k multi-chapter story or a single oneshot, I'm going to do about five episodic 1.5k chapters that capture very short snippets of these character's lives as an experiment. I'd like to see if I can pull off full character arcs with that kind of restriction. There will be smut chapters that are longer (I think, I have them planned anyways), but the bulk of their relationship will kind of be like tv show episodes.

Prince Naga/Assassin Reader

Chapter content: sfw, no warnings besides some innocent breaking and entering, and one decapitated head :)

He’s just as beautiful as the songs say.

This isn’t the first time you’ve crept up onto Shahira al-Malik’s balcony, flush with vines and florals, just to catch a glimpse of the famed bastard prince, but you’ve never done so intending to reveal yourself. Tonight, he’s hunched over a large, intricately carved and gold-gilded chest, silver-blond hair billowing out with the night breeze. You think he might be asleep, his scales glittering in tandem to the stars as you shift your view in the moonlight.

His room could easily swallow the entire apartment you hovel up in, large, sweeping ceilings with jeweled mosaics covering the floor and walls. Despite its majesty, you know it barely holds a candle to what the rest of the palace offers, a biting commentary to just how little he is valued in the family. Despite the bed being large enough to host a variety of characters, he seems to be satisfied with hunching over that chest, made of simple wood, an arm crossed over the top to keep his head off the distorted surface. His tail lays limply on the floor, twisting and crossing at odd angles.

Creeping around the capitol as natural to you as breathing, so even though you stand in full view of the room, he has yet to notice your presence. The bag hanging from your belt is heavy, you are careful not to drop it as you unstrap it from your waist, and even though your fabric rustles and your boots scrape at the floor when you shift, he still doesn’t raise his head.

Awkwardly, you clear your throat, and that catches his attention, head jolting up, body tensing. When he finally spots you looming over him, bag in hand, large, wicked knife at your hip, he slithers back, mouth opening to shout for help. Calmly, you raise your hand, showing you hold no weapons, and press two fingers to your mouth as a gesture of silence.

“Who are you?” He asks, but still loud enough to get attention from the guards he still thinks are posted at his door. Despite the low light, you can tell that he must have been crying, lips swollen, nose and the crescents beneath his eyes a deep purple.

“Do not be afraid,” you say, hoping to soothe his nerves with a neutral tone, “I am the assassin one of your brothers hired to kill you.”

His viridescent eyes widen with fear, his chest quaking as the idea of his shortened mortality reverberates through his soul. There are strange marks on the underside of his wrists as he raises his hands outward, as though trying to give you some wordless order. Instead, though, he’s yelling, “guards!”

He’s scared, you think, satisfied. His brother, the cocky thing, didn’t show the same fear even at his very end. “Your guards have been removed from duty for the night.”

He knows that you hold his fate in your hands, back pressing up against the chest as his tail folds itself out in front of him, as though trying to keep his vital organs guarded. As you watch him, letting him steep in that fear for just a moment more, he seems to accept the fact that he’s about to die. No whining, no pleading, a grim sort of terror keeping his body still, despite the fact you’re so much smaller than he, almost as if he’s well aware that you are so much more than your size and strength.

Satisfied that you place a healthy amount of fear in his mind, you throw the bag, and he flinches as though it might explode.

Keeping your tone soft and gentle, as though speaking to a child, you prompt, “go ahead. My gift to you.”

You don’t know what he might think is in there, but judging from his trembling fingers as he undoes the ties, you suppose that he might consider his death is inside. The moment he pushes the thick fabric open, though, his eyes widen and his chest heaves. Slowly, unsurely, he pulls his brother’s large head out from the bag, features so similar to his it could almost be like looking in a mirror.

His voice trembles as he asks, “why?”

“He wouldn’t give me what I wanted,” you say, taking a step back. “You can.”

“And what do you want?” He’s trying very, very hard not to allow his voice to hitch.

You pause for a moment, wondering how you’ll be able to put it into words. It’s a complicated thing, your desires- for you have many, and some are of greater importance than others.

“I will tell you later,” you promise, taking another step back. “This will not be the last time we meet.”

“Wait!” His voice trembles, traces of panic thick in his mouth. “How do I know this isn’t a trick? I- I could be the one to fall for his death.”

Ah, so his mind decides to start working again. You suppose you don’t blame him, you did catch him at his weakest, and you almost owe him some reassurances. Ensuring your movements are nothing like your usual quick and off-putting cadence, you tug at the scarf around your head and mouth. Just below your left eye, you have a large, gaping scar that almost looks like a cartoonishly drawn teardrop from a time when your reflexes weren’t as quick, and your sneaking skills weren’t as honed.

“How-” he starts, but you’re quick to interrupt.

“A knife,” you say, holding out your hands. “I will rid you of the head. The body will be found in the desert, plundered by bandits.”

It’s almost like a burden has been lifted from his shoulders, one much more severe than the thought of death. You know that his path to the crown is that much clearer; though the second prince would put up more of a fight than the first, it’s still one less that he has to worry about. When you take the bagged head back, he’s staring at your face, intently, though not just at the scar.

He’s trying to commit a murderer’s face to memory, you tell yourself, even though his quizzical expression looks more confused than focused.

As your fingers brush together, though, he blurts out, “you’re my age.”

You blink, almost taken off guard. “How do you know?”

“Your face,” he says, eyes roving over your features. “And voice. You’re not much older than I am, aren’t you?”

Everyone knows how old the princes are; even a crowned bastard like him gets fanfare and feasts when his birthday comes around, the bells in the mosques and cathedrals chiming once for every year he has been alive. You know you’re roughly his age, but your birthdays come and go without you even knowing the precise day, no fanfare, no gifts.

“I suppose,” you say, strapping the bag back to your hip, “though it doesn’t matter.”

“Everything matters,” he says, retreating back to a safe distance as though unsure of how much longer his good fortune will last. “I should thank you for not killing me.”

“You should,” you say, “that would have been the easier thing to do.”

“Then, why didn’t you?”

You pause for a moment, not entirely sure of how to put into words why you didn’t. Defiance, maybe, you never did like how pompous and sure of himself the first prince acted. It is definitely not self-preservation; this is possibly the most foolish thing you’ve done since you broke into that knife-obsessed banker’s house.

Finally, you settle on a simple enough statement: “I’ll tell you later. Goodnight, my prince.”

You hear him follow you as you leap from his balcony, watch him search for you in the shadows. From your perch among the trees and stones, pressed up against the outer walls of his small garden, you wait until he retreats back into the safety of his room.

#naga/reader #exophilia #monster boyfriend

175 notes · View notes

feuqueerfire · 2 years ago

Text

21 Days Theory Live Blogging

seems cute and funny, there’s a queer adult uncle, it’s short which I think is fun, also 21 is my favourite number.

Episode 1 (Sep 8)

Part 1

Oh Q, so arrogant, could become irritating very quickly tbh

I hope this girl Mook is nice, BLs introducing a girl always makes me nervous

lmfao damn X is a dick. I remember seeing these scenes on social media when the episode came out but from Q’s confidence I thought he’d be the one antagonizing X but nah

oof poor Q getting antagonized by X and then having his friend Toy be like he’s so polite, you’re probably the one whole bullied him and won’t believe it’s the other way around lol

Part 2

omg I do hope Teacher Mind is gay and has a gf but I think they’re setting up her and Frank sigh

lol X now has Q’s number and address and he’s impressed his family as well

Episode 2 (Sep 10)

Part 1

I watched a bit of this yesterday but am mostly watching it today

I kinda don’t care about Q’s friends’ side stories. It’s a short series, focus on the main couple but I guess they want to introduce as many people to the audience as possible

Part 2

Watching on 1.25x because it’s a little slow/boring

loll pratfall but at least they didn’t kiss

lol? is the mom like my brother liking men is okay but I’m not okay with my son doing it? I mean I think Uncle Man is helping her and she’ll come around but still...

Q delegating the “woo Mook for me” tasks to his friends, what a silly guy

I want Q’s shirt

Linguistics/Pronouns: oh yeah, X uses pom/khun pronouns and -krap very often, it’s quite polite. I wish I paid attention to what Q used with X. I rewatched the scene of them at X’s condo earlier in this part and Q doesn’t seem to use I/you pronouns? and doesn’t use -krap endings either. Found what absoluteBL had to say about this (their Aug 2022 Wk 3 round-up post)

omg I want tutor Mind and Mook to be a lesbian couple so badly pretend I didn’t say that about sisters

Episode 3 (Sep 12)

Part 1

hair washing, i do love that. even though it’s not really the same, Q taking care of X bc of his injured hand reminds me of Khao taking care of First all throughout Safe House S4 last week

just in the bath with their jeans

Linguistics/Pronouns: okay now they’re talking about Q using Q as the I pronoun. And instead of “nai” as you pronoun, X says Q can call him X (not P’X?)

loll the mom talking so earnestly to Q, trying to signal to him she’s okay with him liking guys/X but not saying it outright

Toy and Mook are kinda cute lol but still not feeling Frank and Mild, mostly because I wanted her to be gay so bad but also bc they haven’t been showing them in a super romantic light

Part 2

Uncle Man so good for giving advice to Q’s mom to have her accept him

ik Uncle Man’s prlly just doting on X to push Q and X together quicker but it’s still so awkward

lol I think Toy and Mook are so cute like he’s soooo into her and he’s not like Awkward and Weird around her that makes it uncomfortable but nervous in an endearing way

Uncle Man also giving advice to Q

Episode 4 (Sep 13)

Part 1

Adorable cheek kiss from a misunderstanding is adorable

lol the mom and uncle thinking their gaming commentary was them having sex

Q and his friends are a cute friendgroup

naurrr X was doing some “21 Days Theory” with Q? and Mook knew about it too? flashbacks to every YA novel/movie

:0 Q threw a punch at X, damn

X will be done day after tomorrow?! girl the punches just keep coming

lmfao okay at least Frank is like “Mild be my older sister :)” and not “I wanna date you” bc I wasn’t feeling them in a romantic way and neither was either of them

Part 2

Coming out to family and being greeted with accepted scenes are always so good

yknow what X being cute about Q is so cute, he likes Q so much even though he was so annoying in the beginning

3 mins left are we really about to get the most rushed airport meeting as the ending? Why is this not just a little longer sigh

bruh not even an airport meeting, just skipping to 2 months later rip

very very rushed ending, feels like this could be the start of a Missed Chances or Ex-Friends/Crushes BL since it left so much open. idk if they have the budget for a sequel but I think it could be fun

This was cute! Although it did take me a long ass time to watch 4 40-minute episodes but I think that’s just my problem and me entering some sort of slump rather than the show not being cute or engaging.

I think the actors were cute, wonder what Rookie Thailand has in store for them next.

I loved having Uncle Man as a queer adult who was there to offer up his experience and advice, as well as reassure Q’s mom. So good! Also liked the tight-knit friend group even though Q was kinda taking advantage of them lol

Rating: 6/10

Tiktok

the misunderstanding over Toy blowing on Q’s wet pants

Q jealous of uncle + X confessing

Ep 4 cheek kiss

Mom and Uncle misunderstanding zombie game

#21 days theory #ep by ep commentary

4 notes · View notes

buckysgoldenheart · 4 years ago

Text

Watching You

Walter Marshall x Reader

Summary: Walter did not like to waste time on stupid things, and being asked by some young troublemaker to start following an ex-girlfriend around fell under that category. At least, it did, until he found out just who the ex-girlfriend was.

Words: 2334

Warnings: Cursing. Slight smut. Not Edited or anything of the sort, so expect little!

Note: This is just something I had saved that I thought I’d post while I finish up the Vampire Henry Series (Unexpectedly Bitten). I plan to post the rest of that fic all at once, most likely this weekend. As always, comments are appreciated :)

What a no-good loser. That’s what Walter thought the second Jimmy Masters walked through the front door of his office on a Saturday evening. He was a good six inches shorter than Walter, much scrawnier, ten years younger at least, and in desperate need of a haircut. He was the kind of kid Walter hated, the kind of kid that had probably seen the inside of a jailcell for a night or two for some stupid, petty crime, yet refused to learn his lesson.

Walter’s eyebrow arched in disinterest and he sat back in his chair, arms crossed as a coworker led the kid inside.

“We think this falls in your area, Marshall.”

Walter had only nodded and told the boy to sit to explain his reason for interrupting the first moment of peace in the day.

“I got a friend who says detectives know how to follow people real well,” Jimmy said, his voice an aggravating tone that Walter already couldn’t stand.

Walter cleared his throat. “Your friend is rather astute.”

“What?”

The detective blew out a breath, exhausted after speaking with the kid for less than a minute. “Just tell me what you want.” And when Jimmy was done with his pitch, Walter said with a sigh, “You want me to follow a girl that clearly doesn’t want anything to do with you?”

“No, man. She loves me. She does. She’s just confused right now, and I gotta make sure there’s no other guy, ya know? I don’t want her messing around. It’s disrespectful.”

Walter heaved out another long sigh, rubbing at his temples. “But she’s your ex-girlfriend.”

Jimmy shook his head, his shaggy, dusty-blond hair swaying vigorously with the motion. “That’s temporary.”

Snorting, Walter sat up in his chair. “Sure it is. Look, you think maybe she just isn’t interested anymore?”

“Hey, I’m not here for additional commentary. Can you help me or not?”

“From what you’ve said, she’s not breaking any laws, she’s not a danger to herself or others, so I have no reason to—”

“Please, man. Please,” Jimmy said, putting his palms together in lame prayer. Walter was sure this boy hadn’t prayed to anything in his entire life. “I’ll never step foot in here again if you help me out just this once.”

Walter eyed the kid, trying to weight the pros and cons of wasting his time on something so inane, but if it got the little, blond twit to go away, then he figured there were worse things. It had been a slow week as it was. He groaned and grabbed a pen and a piece of paper. “Fine. What’s her name?”

------------------------------------------------------

“Walter,” You said, trying to hold back any emotion in your voice as you moved aside to let him pass the threshold into your small apartment. As habit had it, you were much happier to see him than you wished. Walter always had a way of lighting your every nerve on fire from just your bodies being in the same room. You couldn’t help wanting him, missing him, but you hid it well.

As he walked in, his body trailed the outside chill behind, sending a shiver down your spine. Then he pulled the beanie you’d bought him off his head and turned to face you. Though the irritated look on his face was not an uncommon one, you didn’t appreciate it directed at you.

You crossed your arms. “Well?” Walter hung around quite often until you had asked him to quit it, and though he didn’t usually listen to you--putting his own concerns above your wishes--you knew he held a respect for you that made him at least try to keep his distance. If he was stopping by now…well, it could only bring you trouble, but not seeing his face in so long had you more lenient.

“Why is some punk walking into my precinct and asking me to follow you?”

Your eyebrows rose. “What?”

“Don’t ‘what’ me. How many punks could you possibly have hanging around?”

Being a decade older, Walter often made you laugh at his distaste for younger adults. You were the one exception, he’d always said, but all others were ‘punks.’ He feared the day Faye had to deal with boys your age, if she were ever so unlucky. “You met Jimmy?”

His fists kept clenching and unclenching, his shoulders somehow broadened, and the frown on his face made his eyebrows pinch and dip deep. “This idiot is really attached to you, Y/N.”

The more he spoke, the more you realized that ‘irritated’ may have been too sweet a word for what Walter really was. “He just doesn’t like his ego being bruised.”

Walter shrugged off his winter coat and tossed it on the couch as if it was still normal for him to do so, then ran a hand through the dark, messy curls you always loved. “Why the hell are you messing around with a--?”

You rolled your eyes. “I’m not messing around with him anymore.”

“Well, he seems to think it’s temporary.”

“It’s not.”

Crossing his arms, Walter shook his head like a disappointed parent would at their bratty, misbehaving child; the way you’d seen him look at Faye every time he found out she was spending too much time on social media. “Stay away from this guy, alright?”

“You would tell me to stay away from any guy,” You mumbled to yourself with a snort.

“Excuse me?”

“Nothing.”

“Do not give me attitude,” He snapped back. “You’re not being safe! If you were, maybe we wouldn’t be having this conversation!"

Instantly, your shoulders stooped and the same old headache began to form. “Not this again, Walt. According to you I’m never safe unless I’m in your line of sight.”

“Yes!” He yelled, stomping your way, stopping just short of ramming his body through yours. “Now if only you could stay in it!”

“You can’t have eyes on me all day every day.”

“The hell I can’t!”

“You promised, Walter.” You let out a small whine. “I told you it was too hard for me to keep seeing you around wherever I went, and you promised you would stop watching me.” You wished it didn’t have to be that way. You wished seeing his face didn’t bring on such a potent punch of pain, but it did. Every single day when you left your apartment, you saw him standing by his car, a coffee cup in hand, unashamedly watching you like some creep. Eventually, you stopped looking in the direction you knew he would be, hoping you may forget he was there at all, but you always felt his eyes on you; such a strong stare, he might as well have been touching you. But you couldn’t take it. Months of your every move being tracked by the man you loved but couldn’t have was taking its toll, and so you begged him to leave you alone, to give you some relief.

“I did stop, and what happened? Barely a month after I made that stupid promise, some dumb, obsessed kid comes asking me to stalk you.”

You leaned back against the wall, growing more exhausted by the minute. “Well, with all the past practice you’ve had watching my every move, I’d say he was rather smart to pick you of all people. Shitty coincidence that he would though, since now I’m getting lectured.”

“I am not lecturing you.”

“Fine, but whatever this is you’re doing here, you’re out of line. My business is not your business anymore. It hasn’t been your business for the last five months.”

“Your little boyfriend came to me,” He said, pointing a finger at his chest, “so yes, it is my bus--”

“It is not!” You bit back. “You could’ve turned him away. You could’ve told him not to follow me around unless he was itching to get a restraining order, but you didn’t, did you? You took this opportunity to check up on me. Again!”

He stepped back, looking as if you had slapped him. His aggressive, guarded barrier of emotions cracked, and you could see the vulnerability he hadn’t shown since your relationship ended.

“Walter” You sighed, “You’re the one who stepped back. You’re the one who said it would be best if we weren’t in a relationship. You said I was a distraction and—”

“I said you’d be at risk, not that you’re a distraction.”

“It doesn’t make a difference.”

“Damn it, Y/N, it does! I only did it because I love you!” He said without hesitation, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “You know that!”

You blinked. “No, I did not know that! You seriously broke up with me because you love me? That’s ridiculous.”

“I broke up with you to keep you safe, but I clearly suffered for nothing seeing as you put yourself in unsafe situations even without my association.”

You wanted to believe him, so bad, but people don’t leave behind the ones they love. After all, you loved him and the thought of leaving him made you nauseous, even now. When you were together, he may have appeared in love, but after a year he still hadn’t told you and you knew you’d let yourself get a little too hopeful. If you were honest with yourself, him breaking up with you was not as much of a shock as it should’ve been. But as you looked at him now, you could see that he truly believed you already knew.

“It doesn’t make sense that you would do that,” You said. “People don’t just break up with someone they love.”

“Fuck, Y/N, did I ever seem unhappy with you? Did I ever come across like I didn’t want you every second of every day? My every other thought was of you,” He said loudly, like a rant, and you were having a hard time figuring out who he was mad at. “So don’t try to tell me how I felt, and feel now. I still love you and that’s not going to change, but I can’t have criminals, murderers even, coming after you because they are pissed at me for hunting them down or having a case against them. It would take nothing for the average officer or detective to figure out that you and I were together even if we were hiding it. How hard do you think it would be for some psychopath?”

You hadn’t realized a tear slipped down your cheek until you tasted it at the corner of your lips. It was salty but somehow bitter and left a thick burning path along your skin. You quickly wiped it away. “Why didn’t you tell me this months ago?”

“Because, stubborn as you are, you wouldn’t have listened. You would have told me it didn’t matter.” He fell backwards onto the couch, closing his eyes and letting out a groan. “I try to do the right thing. I try to protect you, thinking everything will be fine as long as no one can link you to me, but I can’t…stay away.” His eyes met yours. “And then you beg me to, and it’s excruciating to obey. When I was able to watch over you, it reminded me that I did the right thing. You were safe and I could constantly be reassured of that.”

You walked over to him, your heart thumping with every step, then sat on your knees in front of him, placing your hand atop his own resting on his thigh. His other hand reached for your face and his fingers softly grazed your cheek before they tucked some hair behind your ear. “Walt—”

“That kid…Jimmy,” Walter interrupted as he began tracing the back of your hand with his thumb. “He thinks you’re in love with him.”

“I’m not.”

“You swear?”

“Of course, Walt. I told you--”

“I know,” He said with a single nod of his head. “I know. Maybe I’ll actually get some sleep now.”

You rested your cheek on the inner side of his knee and said, “You could sleep here.”

“Don’t say things like that.”

“Why not?” You bit your lip nervously. You couldn’t even dare to count how many times you’d had sex during the course of your relationship, but now, asking him not to leave made your pulse thrum in your ears.

He leaned forward and looked down at you. “Because I don’t think I can say no to you.”

“Then why would you bother trying,” You whispered without a second thought and slowly inched up on your knees so you could connect your lips with his.

It lasted only a second or two before he broke the kiss, grabbed you by the arm, and yanked you onto his lap. His grip at the back of your neck pulled your mouth to his as your hand slipped between your bodies and quickly started to undo his belt buckle.

“God, baby,” Walter groaned against your lips when you wrapped your fingers around his thick cock and released it from his jeans. He pulled the ratty, old t-shirt of his over your shoulders and softly settled his hands on your hips. “Damn it.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just…missed these,” He said, placing a kiss on one bare breast, then the other. “I missed you, so much.” He placed his lips to the curve of your neck, then met your eyes. “I miss you every fucking day.”

You kissed his forehead, and his arms tightened around you as you lifted your hips and sank down onto him. “I missed you too, Walter,” You said, but the words melted somewhere within the mix of your moans and his groans.

------------------

Tags: @agniavateira @forthebrokenheartedthings @summersong69 @starlite13 @mstgsmy @purplelove75 @defffcc @the-soot-sprite @kissthatlifeaway @atomicpaperhairdouniversity @aquariuslavenderhoney @harrysthiccthighss @the-problem-of-leisure @meganwinchester1999

343 notes · View notes