#i wanted this to feel very moody
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I see you, you see me. How pleasant, this feeling.
#song is after dark by mr kitty#my art#jojos bizarre adventure#jjba#jotakak#noritaro#noriaki kakyoin#jotaro kujo#mullet and piercings jotaro u think ur cool#i wanted this to feel very moody#ask me abt my jotakak headcanons :) i am very opinionated#jotaro called kakyoin ok he misses him. hes updating him on the teenagers#also theyre talking about cigarettes#noriaki “if dio and a literal serial killer cant kill us the cigarettes will” kakyoin
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feel like i stole this lingerie set from the colours of the fancy looking painting behind me 😅
Treat me ~ Tip me ~ More of me
#my mom found that painting and frame in a charity shop for £20 and i refused to let her remove the pic. she just wanted the frame 😂#but yah this lingerie feels like im part of a delightful renaissance oil painting#very moody and autumnal and delicious.#satans knitwear#bi girl#cheeky#uk girl#wlw#alt pinup#pinup girl#pretty lingerie#mesh lingerie set
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frustrating levels of discourse continue happening on twt ugh https://x.com/lara_e_brown/status/1839303817256645101
Lol yeah, I've honestly just given up on reading takes like that because once you've seen one, you've seen 'em all.
It's an extremely shallow reading, using things like "pale", which you can in fact be while having a darker complexion, with both examples relating less to a physical appearance and more to his aspect in the moment (his face is "white" because he's scared; he's "pale and effeminate" because he's in a wan and weakened state). And I say "both" because you tend to come up with faaaar fewer examples of the text relating Heathcliff as pale than... not.
I also find it funny that this user uses Heathcliff marrying Isabella as an example of why he MUST be white, when Heathcliff and Isabella literally run away together because nobody wants them to be together, PARTICULARLY her brother, and this rips the Linton family asunder. Almost as if.......... it was............... breaking a taboo......................
Like, yeah! 18th century Yorkshire wouldn't have accepted that marriage. And if there's one thing we know about Heathcliff—if it's not accepted, he's not gonna do it.
One of the entire points of his character is that he lives against law and taboo and societal norms (while at the same time being deeply aware of the fact that his existence doesn't gel with them). In that thread, that user references the Byronic hero, with the name drawing from Lord Byron and his own literary fascinations. Byron was obsessed with taboo, lived to break them (most famously the taboo of sleeping with people of the same sex, and probably the taboo of incest as well... COME TO MY TED TALK TO DISCUSS HOW THAT COULD RELATE TO HEATHCLIFF, ALSO). One of the reasons why more recent scholarship (and I don't even mean super recent) surrounding Wuthering Heights has come to terms with the interpretation of Heathcliff as a man of color is that he does embody the taboo even more.
And obviously... some taboos (the incest one) exist for a reason. But the book also seems interested in questioning how much we really gain by treating someone (someone like Heathcliff) as other and wrong simply for existing. Again, we go into the cycle of abuse.
I also find it rather belittling of people to refer to general 18th and 19th century values when discussing how people "would have" seen Heathcliff, or interpreted the text. Because, for one thing—yeah! A lot of contemporary readers did not in fact Get It. Perhaps in part because they did have the biases that people like that user seem to believe would have prevented the author from exploring Heathcliff as a man of color.
... But if Emily Bronte thought exactly as the detractors of her novel (who condemned it as wicked and aberrant) did, she never would have written the book, I think. Who's to say, though? It's difficult for EITHER side to make leaps about what Emily knew or thought, because she is someone who didn't live very long, has been portrayed as an eccentric (and perhaps even maligned by Elizabeth Gaskell's portrayal of her) and definitely had something of an offbeat upbringing. We just don't have much directly from HER. So it's a bit rich to me to make assumptions about the kind of limited worldview she may have had on topics like race, when we really do not have a lot of definitive information about her worldview, but DO know that the book she wrote, which some theorize to be about a man of color, REALLY upset some conventional readers.
Like... why would you contextualize that book within a purely conventional reading when the entire reason why Wuthering Heights matters is that it defies convention?
I do shy away from using the word "canonical" to describe Heathcliff's race, because while I know what people mean when they say it (and I'm sure I've said it at some point) it's just a word choice that people like that user will latch on to. Like I've said before, there is no way to prove with 100% certainty Heathcliff's race either way. Which isn't to say that you have to do so to state that he's a man of color. It's just the kind of pedantic strategy people will use in threads like these.
And I'll notice, too, that she omits Nelly's line wherein she speculates that Heathcliff's mother could be Chinese or Indian. I mean, what's her take on that specificity combined with the lascar speculation? No mention of Liverpool relating to people... not... from America or Spain...?
I do worry sometimes that people see someone's major concentration (say, if someone has a BA in English or something, which for the record I don't) and go "Damn, that's end-all, be-all" A) it's not, there's more to research than getting a degree B) you could also use literal wikipedia footnotes to kickstart your own deeper dive into this, there are tons of people who've made careers discussing books like WH debating the issue C) having a degree of any level never kicks your bias.
To go back to my own degree... I knew old art historians who saw nothing gay at all in Michelangelo's work. You can know a lot about a lot, and it doesn't mean you have an open mind.
I think anyone can read WH, do some research about the era and Emily, and drawn their own conclusions. And you are just going to have to make your conclusions based on your own assessment. There is no smoking gun here, and there never will be because the smoking gun would be a living Emily Bronte willingly telling you what she meant.
And I didn't read Heathcliff as a person of color from the jump, for the record. I was thirteen when I read that book for the first time; I'm white; I picked that book in the context of it being a Great English Classic, and as far as I knew, those were all about white people. Because... that's what you were taught about WH at the time, at least where I was.
But when I was first introduced to that interpretation some time later, it was a literal "OH!" moment. Because like... yeah. There isn't a smoking gun for Dorian Gray's sexuality (and yes, we know a lot more about Oscar Wilde than we do about Emily Bronte; but the absence of knowledge of Emily's interests and attitudes doesn't mean we can assume she DIDN'T have an interest in writing Heathcliff as a person of color) but The Picture of Dorian Gray makes way more sense when you interpret his queerness for what it is. Wuthering Heights makes way more sense when you interpret Heathcliff's race for what it is.
#wuthering heights#people want this freaky-ass book to be as conventional as possible#they want pride and prejudice but with eyeliner and dying#and i do have to raise an eyebrow at the constant references to the byronic hero when people make the heathcliff is white argument#bc it feels as if they're divorced from the fact that byron wouldn't have been far off from emily#he died when she was a small child but he wasn't this distant figure#and the byronic hero wasn't this super solidified type as it is now#heathcliff obviously would be part of what solidified the type as it is today versus adhering to it#and i think that when we simply think of the byronic hero as the suffering loner type versus what BYRON was#we simplify it into being moody and tormented versus being OUTSIDE OF SOCIETY#which is the thing i think people of the era associated LORD BYRON with#like yeah moody tortured mad bad dangerous to know but also a very compelling figure who was too taboo-breaking to be allowed to stay#anyway that's just about the use of byronic hero to justify a white heathcliff intepretation
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i dont think i made his hair big enough honestly
#i have a speech outline for one of my classes due in a couple days and im very stressed#ive been freaking myself out over that class a lot more recently. like#getting so anxious i feel like im going to vomit right before presenting#im usually able to reason myself out of panicking like that but it totally got me last time….. i guess i just lost my grip a little#aaahhhgh#ill get over it#anyways i dont draw curly hair enough. i need to do it more often#iv e been thinking about sho a lot recently (translation: obsession phase)#im making a stageplay shou post at some point soon. i want to really bad#specifically reigen&shou… its important to me#its very. i cant even make a keysmash accurate enough for me right now#mew is moody everybody RUN#mob psycho 100#mp100#sho suzuki#shou suzuki#doodles#meowmeow art#mob psycho fanart
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How about something we probably haven't had before? The Eternals in ancient Egypt. While the Egyptians were busy treating cats like gods, Thena is trying to secretly populate the Domo with lizards.
"You busy mopin' in here too?"
"I do not mope," Thena corrected as Druig walked in, his black robes dragging behind him. She turned with a frown, "why do you have so many of them with you?"
"Don't ask me, they just-" he gestured, trying to dispel the cats swarming his feet. "Off with ye, y'bastards!"
The cats scattered, off to find their worship elsewhere. The Warrior Eternal couldn't believe how many of them populated the grounds of Egypt's reign. And the creatures were revered--walking signs of godly luck and prosperity, or some such.
"You've made a friend of your own, I see."
Thena looked down at the lizard snoozing in her palm. It was a small thing, but it had slithered up onto her knee without a hint of hesitation. Cold blooded creatures had none of the cautiousness mammals tended to show her. "Perhaps he can sense my distaste for the felines as well."
Druig chuckled, observing the procession from the edge of the pyramid concealing the Domo. "You sure they're not enjoyin' things a li'l too much down 'ere?"
Thena had to smile. "I cannot speak for Makkari. I believe she is thriving, getting the attention she does."
The Goddess herself was being paraded on a dais of all things, despite being able to circle the continent in the time it took the holders to take one collective step. But she waved to her adoring fans, showering her with praise. And of course, the tributes they brought her were her favourite part of their stay in Egypt thus far.
Ajak had ordered her to return everything, or at least leave it in the official treasury so it was available for the peoples' benefit come the time.
"Yeah, she's glowin' like a streak'a lightning," Druig mused, although he had quite a smile on his face as he observed. No matter how bereft of her company he was, he wasn't the type to drag her away from her time of thriving, either.
Thena could sympathise. Gilgamesh wasn't quite as prone to soaking up the attention as the Speedster, and he absolutely couldn't fathom letting mortals carry him instead of walking. But he was also waved to with enthusiasm, praised and adored. His hands held the gift of Ra himself, after all.
Ajak had also ordered Gilgamesh to humour the public, to a degree. Despite his discomfort, she thought that if they wanted to recognise him and Makkari as the beacons of their team this time around then so be it. Makkari and Gilgamesh were warm and mirthful, and perhaps that would encourage this to be a peaceful time for the development of the humans.
"Thena, Druig, what are you doing up here?"
The two Eternals shared a look, as if they were being caught by their mother skipping school. Druig dragged himself to a standing position, arms crossed and hunching as if the gold collar of his robes were weighing him down.
"You should be down there with everyone else," Ajak pointed at the procession. Sersi and Phastos were talking with various leaders of Egypt's developments. "I want this visit to be social for us--and that means everyone."
"I don't see Sprite down there," Thena pointed out with deadly accuracy, even getting a certain look from their Prime.
But Ajak clipped her unruly daughter's statement short, "she's down there. You may not see her, but she is."
"And Kingo?" Druig added, always happy to get himself out of something he didn't want to do.
"Making sure Sprite doesn't wander too far," Ajak elaborated, her voice growing higher as her annoyance increased. She put her hands on her hips, glaring at the two belligerent Eternals. "It's a happy occasion, and we haven't had an attack for days."
Ikaris was on watch regardless. And it wasn't at all because - for once - the humans had no interest in him or his powers, relegating him to 'one who accompanies the holders of Ra'.
Thena found it hilarious that he was acting like a dejected child.
"It's awfully hot," Druig shrugged. "We're still part'a the festivities. Just, y'know, from the comfort of home."
Thena petted her new friend between the prickly peaks atop its head. "He was seeking the shade."
Ajak eyed the Warrior Eternal. "You cannot bring any more of those things onto the Domo."
"I haven't-"
"It can't possibly be anyone else, Thena," Ajak pointed out, and accurately, at that. "They flock to you. And you know they scare Phastos."
"Everything scares Phastos," Druig murmured, although he got a finger snapped in his face for it. He made a face, even leaning back and swaying on his lazy knees. "Fine, fine, we'll go out there and humor the masses, aye?"
"That's all I'm asking," Ajak insisted in her most matronly way. "I finally got Phastos to leave the ship more often, I can't have you two taking over that role."
Thena and Druig both smiled and nodded (the picture of innocence).
Ajak didn't buy it. "Just go."
Druig dropped his smile but did shuffle past her towards the stairs. Ajak looked at Thena, who chose the faster route, turning and leaping off the side of the structure so tall they could see well into the horizon. Ajak rolled her eyes at her most difficult children.
Thena landed steadily, the sand below absorbing much of the shock. It was a high drop, even for an Eternal, but walking the stairs of the temples here took time even one of their lifespan didn't want to waste.
"Why did we build stairs at all if you were just gonna jump out of the windows every time?"
She smiled as the man with Ra in the palm of his hands broke away from the crowd. The farce of a parade continued on without him. "What of your adoring fans?"
"Ah, come on," he fussed, already embarrassed enough. He turned to face them with her, watching Sersi touch the various offerings held out to her, turning them to gold in the blink of an eye. "Ajak told her not to."
"I think she can't help it," Thena laughed faintly. "Ever since we first arrived; she loves the sparkle in their eyes when they see it."
"Who's this guy?" Gilgamesh asked as he slung his arm around her shoulder, leaning against her faintly. He was tired.
"A friend who sought the solace of shade with me," she sufficed to say, still massaging the reptile's spine from side to side.
"Kept her company?" Gil asked the cold blooded creature, who allowed him to tap the top of his head.
"He did." She looked up at him. The sun in Egypt was even more ceaseless here than in their previous homes, she found. And not just ceaseless, but intense.
Gilgamesh blinked as the back of her hand pressed to his cheek. He leaned into it, though. "You feel nice and cool."
"You shouldn't be under the sun for so long," she frowned, feeling his cheek, then his temple and his forehead. "And after you spent all morning breaking and hauling limestone for them."
He shrugged, though. He really was tired; his shoulders looked heavy, like it took great effort for him to raise them. "There's a lot of work to do."
Egypt was evolving rapidly. Of the many civilizations they had seen rise and fall in their time on Earth already, Egypt was likely to prosper and endure. Thena looked at their passing teammates again. "Sersi and Phastos are more than capable of sharing your workload for a day or two."
They were all helping, but Sersi and Phastos were by far having the easiest time with it. Phastos had powers that did the heavy lifting for him, and Sersi could simply turn the slabs of stone into one big seed pod, carry it, and then turn it back to rock once it was placed.
"Maybe."
Thena rubbed Gilgamesh's back, between his weary shoulder blades. "Perhaps you should retire. I'm sure Ajak would understand."
He gave her a smirk. "You mean you want to escort me and my 'injury' back to the Domo so you don't have to be out here for the party?"
"Absurd." Gilgamesh laughed, and so loudly that many turned back to look at them, including their fellow Eternals. But they continued on without him, and Thena smiled at the way his laughter warmed her shade cooled body.
"Y'know, now that you mention it," he postulated, putting his hand to his chin and everything. But there was no containing his bright grin. "I am feeling a bit...whoa!"
Thena laughed as well as Gilgamesh feigned slumping against her shoulder. A human may not have been able to hold him, but he would never drop his full body weight on her without warning, either. "Gilgamesh!"
"Thena, is that you?" he gasped as she started helping him hobble away from the crowd and into the temple. "So weak...I can see the light..."
"You are a terrible actor," she informed him as she got him into the shade.
"Really?" he asked as soon as they were out of sight. "Kingo gave me some tips."
"That was your first mistake."
He chuckled, still with his arm around her as they began walking back to their mothership. "You know Ajak is gonna find him."
Thena looked down at their guest, still lazing in her hand. "If Phastos were not so averse I don't see why I couldn't have one or two. They scurry in of their own accord at least once a day regardless."
"Yeah, and then Phastos gets freaked out, or Sersi thinks it's a rat, and then we have to sweep them out." Gil looked at the little creature again, which opened both layers of eyelids to blink at him.
Thena purred faintly as Gil pressed his lips to the spot where her tiara disappeared into her hair.
"Keep him in my room. Ajak won't think to check there. I'll bring him snacks and stuff."
She angled her head, catching the edge of his jaw with her lips. "Ever a champion of the people."
"Nice try," he brushed off in modesty. His arm drifted from her shoulder to resting his hand at her back. "You are way more important than 'the people' to me."
"You two are bloody disgustin'."
Thena let Druig drag himself past them towards the edge of daylight. "The procession has already passed."
"Well, nothin' I can do 'bout that. Guess I'll head back up-"
"Druig, get outside. You're mingling, and that's that."
Ajak also hustled past them, her deep blue robes breezing behind her petite figure as she all but dragged Druig out with her by the arm. Perhaps in her mission to make Druig more acclimatized to human socializing she had forgotten Thena had also been ordered to 'mingle'.
Gilgamesh nuzzled her hair again, whispering, "I think we got away with it."
Thena hummed, starting up the stairs towards the Domo with him, and their new friend. "Seeing that you both get some rest is more important in this moment."
Gil cupped her hands in one of his, adding to the bed of luxury for the humble lizard. "I think we'll both rest better if you join us."
#Thenamesh AU#you're so right bestie#thank you so much for the ask!!!#I have long thought that the Eternals would thrive in ancient Egypt#they would love Kari of course#and Ajak#and Sersi transmuting gold everywhere because she can't help herself#and Gil is very much a sign of patriarchal strength for them#but he's also just a sweet cute shy dude#they offer to fan him with palm fronds and he's like guys really thanks but I'm good#meanwhile Makkari is being hand fed individual grapes#Druig is like are you serious?#Makkari: *are you gonna take off your shirt and fan me instead?*#Thena just wants to have some little friends#this is like if you were on vacation and there were puppies or kittens everywhere you went#except for Thena it's horned lizards and other reptiles#Gil doesn't really care for them but he knows she loves them#so when he comes back to his room and finds more and more and more lizards he's just like#my wife is happy that's all that matters my wife is happy that's all that matters my wife is-#It makes a great reason for Thena to be in Gil's room all the time#even more than before#also Ikaris is totally feeling dejected#Egypt loves the Eternals#but then Ikaris is like what about me? and they're like ugh show off flying and such#also they love Sersi and they think he harshes her vibe so#and Ajak having 3 moody antisocial teenagers to manage#except they're all grown eternal beings with attitude
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[Image description: A digitally drawn music single cover. Descending from the top, there's an orange dragon. One of its claws rests beneath it, while it swivels its neck up and then down, facing towards the viewer. The design of the dragon has very angular facial features and claws, but more curves in the body and the wings. From its nostrils, it breathes out a stream of fire in the shape of the band's logo (which is a spiral with a tail at the bottom left). Light emanates off of this, signified by a half-tone texture of a yellow glow, and a faint line of light on the dragon. The dragon is lined with an dark burgundy, which is the same colour used for the font at the bottom that says "dragon's lair". It is fully capitalised, and the letters end sharply, like talons. The text grows larger at either end. There is also text following the shape of the dragon's neck, which says "the grove daisy road" - the band's name - in bubble writing and a deep green colour. These letters are not in line. The background for the whole cover is a light green.]
I made the cover for a band's new single (Dragon's Lair by The Grove Daisy Road) which is available for listening now :)
#digital art#the grove daisy road#very fun to do and like one of my first proper comissions 🥳#ive always wanted to do a music cover yippee 🥳🥳🥳#also i know this is kinda blurry but the final cover is a mashup of two version i did (dont know how they did it tbh p seamless)#and i asked the member who i got the commission thru to send me the final version and its a bit blurry but id feel bad about bothering them#😓#cos i already asked for him to email it over in case it was just instagram dms but alas#you can have a better look at it on spotify haha#anyway i like the song :) kinda moody and the vocals are good 👍 nice lyrics too :) also the instruments as a whole are good but like#idk how to phrase that ...#hope you enjoy it if you listen to it 🥳🥳#Spotify
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look. fiyero is gay but 'doesnt care that much'. he'll flirt with anybody and he'll make out with anybody but he puts his hands on girl's waists and he puts his hands on boy's heads and faces and chests and throats and shoulders and hips and thighs and he'll arch and stretch and flex in at girls but at boys he'll get close and stare and move them physically. man's gay.
#leo.txt#fiyero tigelaar#guys have yall seen the movie's dancing through life. have you.#hes gay. i dont make the rules. 'hes bi' no. 'he prefers men' no.#hes gay.#the reason he got so moody and thinking so much is because elphaba got in his brain and he thought he wasnt gay.#to be clear i think fiyerba is neither romantic nor platonic but a secret third thing#in a kinder setting they'd be qpr and glinda would be their fuckbuddy. fiyero has an image to maintain and also glinda is very cute and its#fun to watch her perform even if he's not into it#and elphaba thinks glinda's hot. and also wants to keep her happy. mostly the second thing#look. theyre not gonna be completely happy no matter what okay#elphaba knows shes Too Much to keep around for no reason and she doesnt Say as much but she and fiyero both know. and glinda kind of knows#but glinda isnt a selfless person. obviously. and she doesnt know how to clear it up. so she tries being bubblier and friendlier and giving#elphaba more gifts and trying to make her happy and feel secure.#and elphaba thinks its transactional.#anyway im right thanks
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#am i about to get my period or what#very moody and feel bad inside#feeling frustrated and defeated and embarrassed and overwhelmed#nothing even happened#idk#pissing myself off today#still in one of those moods where i want to completely withdraw from everything and disappear for a while#but i can't
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I guess I’ve felt a bit off from the rest of the kääryleet the last few days and I am not liking it very much.
I want to be in agreement with you guys and get excited like you do ... it has just been a bit harder this weekend which sucks since there’s a new song and cool new MV theories and I am here like: slow down would you for the old man? (me)
this doesn’t make any sense possibly but I guess I’ll just say sorry for not being up to speed and for being a bit moody/unamused.
#also I know we're all excited to see the esc käärijä die (it seems) but as a person not great with change#that found käärijä through eurovision#I have to tell myself you are not asking me to rip out that part of my heart and bury it and forget it happened everytime you say this#it is way too late for me to make posts don't mind me#I hope I've not said too much#if so I'm sorry#I feel very down rn so it is a good thing I have to go to bed soon#also don't get me wrong I want jere to do what feels right for him#so if that's burying the bolero and the esc experience so be it#but please don't ask me to hate on that part of his history because if I'm being honest I can't#I have a fondness for the bolero and the spiked pants and the crazy sailor dance and everything else#yes I am done#goodnight everybody#sorry for being moody#kääryleet#micahs thoughts
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youtube
#so I tried to find the original version on my blog so I could reblog it and be like#'hey remember this dumb banger from our boy mikolas josef? here's a new version with a japanese artist for some reason'#but I couldn't find it anywhere#and I didn't rely on tumblr's search system alone I went into my archive#guess I thought about posting it but then didn't#or maybe I'm thinking of another mikolas josef dumb banger I've shared idk#anyway#remember this dumb banger mikolas josef (not often just mikolas) released a few years ago? there's a version with japanese lyrics now#I really like it it's just as fun#and certainly much better than his last released song#that does include incredible lyrics like#''la lalala (you got) sex superpowers baby''#but it's so moody and feels slowed down. it just doesn't sound fun at all#oh and one last thing about this little music video#I think it's very cute but like#mikolas doesn't have black hair?? I understand that ski-hi is blond and they wanted the two characters to be distinct#but I only knew that was meant to be mikolas because of the neck tattoo#Youtube
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i’ve probably said this before so yadda yadda but the thing about ofmd that gets me so hard every time is like i dont think its actually so totally rare irl for a gay relationship dynamic like ed and stedes, aka the hot moody edgy cool one being the one who loves being romanced and manhandled and the camp faggy theatrical one being the pursuer, the top, the one being asked to take charge- but like, its not something i expect to see not only done on tv but done so to a T. i mean sure i havent watched every show i havent seen every movie, maybe the truth IS out there, but idk im pleasantly surprised and so happy 2 have this dynamic on this show on god’s tv air waves
#idk maybe it is rare and im just so squarely in the transfag corner of the world my sample size is very skewed#whole culture of hot goths wanting to fuck that old man#like… miss nancy boy with a dad bod fucking goth taika waititis brains out feels like a fever dream#i feel like it took online fandom culture so long to be Normal about this dynamic existing too#like as soon as people realized the moody goth one was the bottom it was always ‘ah and now the other one is a jock with a beard right’ like#what???? no??????????#all im saying is. i feel extremely seen. too seen in fact. i need to start looking over my shoulder
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sorry if i seem incredibly reclusive and not very talkative im trying to be a bigger and louder fan of things i enjoy and not feel like my only worth is in the stuff i make
#pax.txt#i often feel like man who wants ur input/opinion on naythiing what right do u have commenting and talking to people#and im trying to be better. about that#while also trying my best to express my excitement for my own stuff#sorry ive been in a moody mood. a mood that moods#very insecure and out there and its been. weird#ive been trying to press pause on art bc its been. very messed up in my head about it#anyways. wah wah wah talking too much who wants to hear it rally
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Everything is triggering again
#I wish it was more obvious to my grandpa when I'm in a bad mood and don't wanna be talked at#like he's super sweet but all he talks about are his own interests really and things I don't quite understand#because I'm not from their generation#but I feel like showing my grandparents that I'm in a very negative attitudy mood blatantly would end ....not badly#but at least at home I was allowed to be snippy and pissy because it just suited the general demeanor of my parents#and I guess one thing about that dynamic that while sucked ass is if we got into an argument#I could start saying the meanest shit in return to my dad cause he was saying it back to me and we just.#pretended we didn't just tell one another to rot in hell and that they'd be better off dead on the side of the street#don't want a dynamic like that AGAIN...but at least it gave me a valid reason to be straight up pissy#if I had any sort of attitude here I DO think I'd be stared at and feel like an overall outcast // villian suddenly#but here...idk my grandma would probably understand but I'd be stared at...it'd be awkward....she'd probably IDEK#being moody and having a huge attitude doesn't fit in with people who are pretty... neutral#my grandma only seems to have attitude when she's joking about things and she never airs on the getting pissy EVER#vent
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I just feel so unequal sometimes
#idk im trying not to fall into thinking im a monster syndrome not to be like only im evil etcetc#and im absolutely not comparing care styles either#i just keep having the insecurity that my issues especially as a little outweighs the pros of me being a happy little or even a good cg#like#idk i just keep thinking about my bfs and going “they didnt sign up to parent a very autistic moody little girl and they shouldnt have to;#;because theyre the providers for the house in the first place and im not *helpless*#like idk it just all feels like im taking advantage of 1. the fact that i even still get to live here and 2. that they even are financially#the ones caring for me and the majority of my life“#idk i just dont. want to be more of a burden than i know i already am#i know our relationships arent transactional. thats not how i treat it but i also dont know good manners and just try to be transactional to#make up for the fact that i feel so clueless in a lot of things. plus my relationship w the parentals feels solely transactional esp w#how much im pretty sure the stepmom hates me. i know im already annoying and i talk too much and a nuisance so#idk i just cant wait to move out but im also terrified of not having any sort of safety net#like yes im not a burden in the im not treated that way way but like. im objectively still someone to care for and someone to feed and#a depression case still trying to be correctly medicated because i really dont know how to get this to work for me anymore#maybe i just need a new therapist??? idk#i feel like im falling apart
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been feeling mad rejection sensitive (or smthn similar) lately and i cant tell if its my upcoming period, or bc i tried adjusting my med schedule (per my doctor's rec) or if im just being all-around moody
#cryptic ramblings#actually tbh i know im being moody in general but thts part of the whole thing n idk where its coming from 😭😭😭#im gonna tentatively blame my period bc thts Usually It but idek. too many shifting factors#anyways im at work and i wasnt gonna be here and i just wanna go home (is a lil over halfway through the shift n taking lunch)#this is part of me feeling clingy n lonely im sure#i just want to be in the company if ppl who dont Have to spend time w me (ie not coworkers or the family members i live with lol)#(ideally my very good close friends or tht Guy™️ lol)#(which speaking of the latter.. i feel bsd messaging him bc ik hes dealing w some personal stuff so i dont wanna jump in all 'ahaha hey😘')#(like i wanna give him time to do what he has to n not like#(make him feel pressured to respond or anything yk??? but i also dont want him to forget im here 🥴 but then i feel clingy!!! my dilemma😭)#(i forgot i couldnt use commas but yk im not gonna retype)#anyways thts enough oversharing on the internet for today 👍 per usual tips n advice welcome lol
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can I request house wardens + leech twins with a reader who doesn't eat enough bc Crowley doesn't give them enough for food, and they end up really ill and collapsing or something. I'm cravin some fluffy comfort rn, pls and thank you 🙏
I got you🫡🫡 as someone who's been through an eerily similar situation, I really liked this request
*ੈ✩‧₊˚ another crowley moment™️
type of post: headcanons characters: riddle, leona, azul, floyd, jade, kalim, vil, idia, malleus additional info: romantic or platonic, reader is gender neutral, reader is yuu, mentions of food and not eating
Riddle wouldn't even have to like you to rush to your side. but he does like you, which makes it all the worse
after checking your vitals, you're in the infirmary. he's got doctors for parents, after all, and he knows that malnutrition is bad
he should have seen the signs...
with exams coming, he's been so busy, and he assumed that you were just tired from studying
but he can feel guilty later. right now, he needs to focus on you getting well again, and not killing Crowley
(then, of course, he'll look for some legal statute or clause that he can threaten Crowley with so you're fed properly)
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
Leona noticed you'd been acting a little weird lately, but watching you collapse still puts him in shock
luckily, Ruggie and Jack are nearby to help you to the infirmary, so Leona can focus on hunting Crowley down like an animal
there are very few times where Leona is particularly grateful for his status, but this is one of them. just one word on how his family will be hearing about Crowley's neglect, and the old bastard is begging him for forgiveness
even after that, Leona still sends Ruggie with snacks and drinks to Ramshackle
and if you ever scare him like that again, you'll regret it (lovingly)
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
the news of you collapsing during flight lessons reaches Octavinelle rather fast. no one is particularly surprised, since Floyd had mentioned how easily you'd been bruising lately just the night before, but everyone is certainly worried
Azul is the first at your side, asking you all sorts of questions, worried sick. Jade has to remind him to give you space to rest, since you look exhausted (had you always had those dark circles? how could Azul have not noticed?)
now, Azul and the tweels could easily find a way to pressure Crowley, but they know better than to trust him
from now on, you'll be eating in the Mostro Lounge, free of charge
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
perhaps Kalim was just oblivious, because he really didn't think anything was wrong until you were suddenly on the floor in front of him
sure, you'd been a little moody lately, but he figured it was just a thing you were going through. and besides, you know that you can talk to him about anything... right?
Jamil hurries to check your pulse, and shouts for him to get the school nurse- which is jarring, because Jamil never shouts
when you explain everything to Kalim later, he feels... terrible. he should've known- no, he should've asked
Kalim insists you stay at Scarabia while you're recovering, and makes sure you have the most enriching, delicious meals money can buy
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
Vil knew it was bad, but not this bad. if he had known you were on the verge of collapsing, he would've taken a firmer approach to getting you to eat
you're going to worry him to death someday, you know that?
after he's done verbally eviscerating Crowley, he'll insist on joining you at every meal. he'll eat at Ramshackle, breakfast, lunch, and dinner, if that's what it takes
he's subtle about it, at least
if he notices that your plate feels empty, he'll just take some food from his and put it on yours. gracefully, elegantly, without a word
you'll come home one day to see your kitchen stocked with vitamins, supplements, and apples (courtesy of Epel)
<3 and a note that says he'll treat you to dinner whenever you want
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
never scare Idia like that ever again. he wasn't even with you when you collapsed, and he STILL nearly had a heart attack
listen, he knows he's not a great role model when it comes to nutritional eating, but you have got to tell him these things. he would've had Ortho go get takeout! or something!
typical Crowley behavior, SMH. what does he think you are? a rabbit? even the school horses get treated better...
no way that Idia is going to even bother with that old fart, anyway. you want something? he'll get it for you. you don't even have to ask, he'll just send food to your place (and have Ortho check your vitals more often but shhh)
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
I would not want to be in the room when Malleus finds out about this
not even the building. you know what? I'd steer clear of the whole island, because it will not be pretty
when you collapse in front of him, it feels like he's dying, too. the panic sets in, and he sends Lilia to look after you, and Silver and Sebek to escort you to the infirmary, and then he casually threatens to smite Crowley. obviously
if the students and staff of NRC thought Malleus was scary just being Malleus, he's terrifying when he's mad
(rest assured that you will be getting ten times the amount of food from now on)
it's thunderstorms for days after, but he never leaves your side
#twisted wonderland x reader#twst x reader#queued#riddle rosehearts x reader#leona kingscholar x reader#azul ashengrotto x reader#jade leech x reader#floyd leech x reader#kalim al asim x reader#vil schoenheit x reader#idia shroud x reader#malleus draconia x reader
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