#i want to wake up feeling rested
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How To Want Things Without Feeling Ungrateful and other self-help books i wish i could read
#keep scrolling#i have so much and yet.#im tired of being polite. i want to go apeshit.#i want an intimate relationship. i want a house with a backyard where i can grow vegetables and raise ducks.#i want to stop feeling like i have to hold myself back from saying what i really want to say#i want to stop caring what strangers think of me#i want to be motivated enough to self-improve#i want to want to live#i want a job that doesn't grind me down from sheer mundanity#i want to hug someone and cry myself hollow. i want to walk off into the woods and scream loud enough to scare bears away.#i want to wake up feeling rested#i want to never wake up again#im so. so tired.
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good mornings throughout the travel
[ID: Two comics of Vash and Wolfwood from Trigun Maximum. The second is underneath the read more.
The first is in four panels and follows Vash and Wolfwood through hotel rooms. First, Vash and Wolfwood exit adjacent rooms, and Wolfwood has sparkles floating around him as he exclaims, “Rise and shine! Ready to go?” Vash frowns, displeased, and says, Urk— Good morning to you too.”
Next, they’re in a room with two beds. Wolfwood is awake and fully dressed. He’s sitting on the bed and smoking, back turned away from the viewer and he says, “Wake up already, sleepyhead.” Vash sits up with his eyes still closed and yawns before saying good morning. After that, they’re sharing a bed, and Wolfwood gets up and says, “Morning, sunshine. Time to get up.” His body shadows Vash from the sunlight. Vash is still lying down with a blanket draped over him as he mumbles good morning.
Finally, they’re embracing in bed, both shirtless. Sunlight shines on them, but their contact allows their shadows to drape over their faces. Vash smiles, kisses the top of Wolfwood’s head, and says, “Good morning, Wolfwood.” Wolfwood sleepily says, “Mph, g’morning, needle-noggin’,” snuggling into on Vash’s shoulder. End ID] ID CREDIT
TRIMAX Vol. 10 Spoilers under read more // bonus comic
[ID: The bonus comic starts with Vash asleep in bed, fully clothed with his hair half-black. Someone says “Good morning,” and Vash says, “Morning, Wolf—w...” He trails off as Livio, holding a plate of food, stares with abject shock.
Livio says, “I’m sorry.” Vash, smiling but sweating, says, “No, it’s my bad...” Livio repeats, “I’m sorry.” Vash says, “Geez, stop apologizing,” and cuts off Livio’s “I—” with a “Good morning, Livio.” Livio quietly mumbles, “... Good morning...”
Vash sits up from the couch he was sleeping on and looks down, thinking, “... That’s right. I won’t wake up to you anymore... I have to get used to that...” End ID]
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#i just think. when theyre traveling for a long time together#sleeping in the same inns sleeping in the same rooms potentially as they get closer#realizing they dont need to pay the fee for 2 bedrooms if theyre comfortable fighting back to back#realizing they dont need to pay the fee for 2 beds after one night of being forced to sleep in same one since all the 2 beds rooms ran out#and being comfortable with it - and then after their feelings are shared#realizing theyd rather sleep and rest peacefully next to one another#and wake up slowly and enjoy the mundane while they can#i drew ww waking up first bc i dont imagine he sleeps much tbh. i think vash is a light sleeper too and more often than not#and vash goes to bed just bc he knows if he tries to leave ww would follow him#i also think vash never had someone stand guard for him before even if that isnt what he wants out of ww to do. but knowing that ww is#there means that he can actually sleep peacefully without worry that someones going to drop on him immediately. i think he'd get used tothat#and ww -- as he opens his heart more to vash -- gets comfortable staying in bed a little longer#sleeps a little better -- especially when they start to share a bed bc there's a warmth there that he can't help but cave into#bc he hasn't had that in a long time.#ruporas art
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⚔️🦦
#12! they are studyimg together and the common occurence happened yet again#kalim Will try to peek at sil’s notes while hes asleep. he’ll wake him up eventually but wants him to get his rest too. he’s unsure :O#for anyone that saw yesterday’s post before it had extra tags: i added tags to it. feel free to read back for context on whats been going on#sry for being mopey im trying to get thru as best i can but life refuses to give me a break#twst#twisted wonderland#twst silver#kalim al asim#suntails
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hlvrai has cursed me with perpetual sleepiness . this is a continuation of the last bubby post :^]
#im going to take the fattest nap#digital art#art#fanart#prox.art#hlvrai#hlvrai tommy#hlvrai bubby#it feels a little weird tagging the rest of them but they’re there I suppose#hlvrai dr coomer#hlvrai benrey#hlvrai gman#hlvrai forzen#hlvrai darnold#id wanted to actually draw them but#well#uugh goodnight (it’s 3 pm)#I realized just now that this is very hard to read / I need to get back on top of adding alt txts#so I’ll do that when I wake up later <3
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I wonder. Would red be a light sleeper, since on mt. silver hed need to be on guard for any wild pokemon or anything else. I already said i imagine him having a very consistent sleep/wake cycle so he usully goes to bed and wakes up without an alarm since...yknow he didnt have one on the mountain. That said deviating heavily from his routine could probably throw him off. If he didnt get enough sleep hes groggy and a bit annoyed by whatever made him lose out on his precious sleep time, whether it be wild pokemom or a particularly strong storm or whatever. Since he sleeps lightly to stay on alert, these things do wake him up and can throw him off a little for the day. Thankfully he lives on a mountain so its not like he had any plans that would be thrown off by it, just his own annoyance with his routine being foiled.
Perchance when he was on the mountain and he slept lightly for self preservation or whatever, now that he and green live together hes become a deep sleeper who could sleep through a lot bc he can finally relax and trust that he is safe and doesnt need to be watching out for any potential problems he could have as mountain man. Green is here now, and red knows he can be vulnerable and relax around her.
Green is extrmely touched by this, but also its a little annoying when they have plans and reds sleep/wake cycle made of netherite makes it difficult to wake him up before he usually would. He can but then hes groggy and doesnt want energy drinks or coffee so he takes awhile to fully wake up on his own lol.
We win some (complete trust and love for your wife and the happiness of the proof of how reliable and safe they see you as) and lose some (your beautiful wife trusts you so much he now sleeps through alarms and must be woken up by you specifically or you have to wait until his usual wake up time) im sure they figure some middle ground out after awhile but at first reds dedication to getting a full 9h of sleep is certainly annoying sometimes.
#sponsored by me being sleepy rn and having very little brain power atm#in my defence i got erm Reasons. medical or ofher reasons to be so god damn tired evrry day#i already posted that green needs caffine to properly wake up un the morning#red does not drink anything like that. hes a big water guy. maybe some fruit juice.#he does indulge in the occasional pop or yummy lemonades/smoothies/#n stuff lile that he just doesnt need fhe caffime that so many ppl do#since jis sleep scheduel os sp consiztent he wakes up at the same time and feels fully rested#green is vrry jealous of yhis he ruined his sleep wake cycle when studying in kalos and hasnt recovered#since i hc him as becoming a pokemon researcher too. hes mow always focused on his work n doesmt takw breaks#or sleep on time. many a time red has had to drag him to bed as green insists that hes not tired yet#(he is extremely tired but he wants to keep working)#trainer red#green oak#blue oak#reguri#pokemon headcanons
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i do have words and a story to tell,
it's just really fucking hard sometimes when
these are all pieces of me i feel like i should keep to myself.
#today it's mourning all the wips that will never make it out there bc insecure writer hours never ended#but in all honesty#to the too scared to share my works with the world writers#to the this much isnt good enough writers#to the will i ever improve and will it ever become something i can be proud of writers#the only doing this for the validation and the i want someone to love this as much as i do writers#to the ones too scared of pouring out their hearts only to be met with no response#and the ones who envy how easy it seems for others#the ones who wake up at 2 am with a thought and write until the break of dawn#the ones who dream more than do#and the ones that do more than dream#to not being able to look back bc you feel like you have nothing to be proud of#or getting bored of your own stuff and thinking who would ever read this#to every writer really#you're all doing so well#and you got this#be patient w yourselves#you're allowed to put things to rest#you're allowed to start a new project#you're allowed to do whatever you want to if it makes you happier#everything is within your hands
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can life stop being about being Tired please i'm fucking begging
#i just wanna wake up in the morning and feel fully well rested for once.#i want to have more than like 4-5 hours of work in me per day before brain fog or fatigue or both takes over.#is that so much to ask.#chronic illness#ashton originals
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i'm a sucker for memory loss fics which, in fact, does tie into my messy ass memory and also how i have suffered from bouts of memory loss (that lasted for only 5-15 seconds but they were impactful)
now, let's wonder about my inclination for mpreg-
#it's interesting how the brain fills in and tries to process the situation. 'i'm laying on my back on something bed-like? I'm#probably in my bedroom. now why are there three people staring at me in my bedroom (this scared me. they were red cross people#checking in on me because i passed out after they finished taking my blood)'#the other time was me on the floor of my dorm and my roommate was there. i was trying to process the situation so i was like 'okay i'm#on the floor and i feel safe. it's probably my house (nevermind how my house doesn't have hardwood flooring). why is my roommate here#though (at least i recognized her...????)'#in the first situation i think my sight came back first and then my hearing. in the second i was able to hear so that's how i recognized#my friends helping me up. anyway i want to incorporate this into a fic somehow.... the blissful rest for a second or two.#when you don't realize anything out of the normal happened. it's just you waking from a nap. and then it hits you. something's a bit odd.#it's like. ough.#wait am i romanticizing the times i fainted lmaoooooo
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kept the one good thing abt being 14 which is being very stupid and reading fic till very late despite having to get up very very early tomorrow. yay.
#nico cannot shut up disease#this is NOT a vent post it always feels strangely nostalgic in a best way#i dont want to grow out of the little joys.of loving something so much u sacrifice ur sleep to it#and it also always remind about how different the entire rest of my life os#fic hits different when u have to be quiet as to not wake up ur sleeping partnwr. :))#wow im endlessly sappy tonight blame The Season always.
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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I'm so tired. what is wrong with me
#rambling#two and a half hours of sleep at best#I can't sleep without taking melatonin and once I wake up it's over. my stupid cat was crying at my room door#I feel sick. I'm so frustrated. Why do I feel sick????#I just want to rest God please
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#eating alone is the worst fucking feeling in the world i feel like total shit#i wish i had friends that cared about me i wish they cared as much as i cared about them#(irl)#i was supposed to go out with my brother and sister and they both had a bad day so they refused#so i tried to go out with friends and only one of them showed up and then left early#and i spent the rest of the day just crying at th estupid fucking food court i feel so fucking stupid i feel so fucking stupid#and the only one that showed up wasnt even part of the original group that were supposed to come so he just came to try and help me pick ou#some nice food and then dipped immediately after and its like. i appreciate it but i still feel miserable#i feel like total shit. ive been bed rotting since november. ive gone out twice since only to the hospital and 1 time to get food#this is the third time i leave since november and it ends miserably like always#i never want to wake up again#i was looking forward to this all week but of course it had to go horribly wrong. as my life always does. god. God.
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fellas the book 7 update…. *crying*
(refer to the tags for my rambling, just to minimize ppl accidentally spoiling themselves)
#sandy blabbles#twst#Book 7 spoilers#dude ace loves his friends sm#His happiness including yuu’s own happiness—where they get to go back to their home but also still be able to stay in twst; still get to ha#Hang out and be friends. Never having to say goodbye.#I just…heart shackle my beloved they could never make me hate you#It really shows how much Ace truly loves his friends and how he doesn’t WANT to part with them; say goodbye and sever his ties with them#Its actually rlly similar to Malleus’s whole OB thing; both of them fear the imminent parting of their loved ones#I think it’s really noteworthy that Ace’s happiness gets predicated on Yuu’s happiness FIRST#I think in reality deep down he FOESNT want Yuu to go back home; because it’s likely that their way back home is a one way trip.#It’s not like graduating and going back home. In this case Yuu is gone. Period. They existed in TWST in one moment and the next they cease#However he also knows that them staying in TWST would only be painful; they had a life before NRC and to make them say goodbye to that fore#Is something he also doesn’t want to do; the fact that one of the core false memories the dream is built upon is YUU’S HAPPY EXPRESSION at#Crowley finding a way for them back home is…*chef’s kiss* so ofc the ideal solution for him is to let them travel between world’s; that way#The both of them can be happy; Yuu can go back home but still be with Ace and their friends. Dude I’m just so fucking touched—Ace has#Infamously bad emotional communication yet he cares and loves sm. Yes he’s an ass yes he’s a jerk yes he’s a selfish teen boy; but he’s *ou#Asshole. Who will have our back as we do his; who will be happy with as he is with Heartshackle. When you get down to it Ace is sentimental#Whereas Malleus’ solution has involved him selfishly restraining the ppl he loves in an effort not to lose them; and ending up alone i#Ace’s UM defo coming in Book 7 (or 8; him getting his UM during a confrontation with Malleus would be very fitting)#It’s almost poetic how traitor ace theory is simultaneously torn away but also…not with his dream.#The fact remains that he cares for Yuu and doesn’t want them to go; those feelings which are core to the theory ARE there. But at the same#Time he’s not selfish enough to do that to Yuu…sure there IS the question of how he would treat the situation in reality rather than the#Ideal dream but I think that by the end of book 7 any lingering feelings he might have of keeping Yuu in twst; even to their detriment will#Fall in the face of malleus who is emblematic of such desires. Book 7 will end in Ace wholeheartedly working with us to find Yuu a way back#Home. Because if that’s what will bring them happiness; even if it’s a happiness Ace will not have been a part of for long or much longer#Then he will do it. Even if parting is painful having the people he loves be in pain for the rest of their lives (ie Yuu being trapped) is#Far far FAR more painful then parting ever could be. Because for as much as Ace bullies and pursues being a cool kid#He will never be able to stop caring and loving his dear friend#(Also couldn’t fit this in but the fact that he was able to be so rational while delululu when resisting waking up is SO on point
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the amount of times I have potentially controversial opinions that I type up and then save in my drafts forever because I still feel them but am too shy and afraid to choose violence in any way
#wc fandom an absolute mess right now LOL#I'm reserving judgment until i read the new book. I don't believe in having bad faith takes on a book I've never read#if it's bad oh believe me brother you will hear about it when I've read it!#until then all i will do is shake my head at everyone saying ''dont read it it's bad!!!''#no! read it actually! if you want to form and articulate your opinions on something you have to READ IT#you look like a fool if you just go off of hearsay forever#something i see constantly in this fandom is people being like ''i refuse to read some book but can you BELIEVE this happens in it??''#and then say the dumbest shit about a scene taken out of context#yes yes i will never claim this series is well written. it's messy! not denying it#but sometimes y'all overreact in the most insane ways#I'm getting too old for this#sorry wait i just wanna add one more thing which is that if i avoided everything that people told me never to experience#i never would have read some of my favorite books or played some of my favorite games#currently quite obsessed with a game that so many claim is ''the worst entry in the series''#which is a wild thing to say with such confidence for any entry in a series that's been running for over 30 years#anyway i loved it. it's flawed and i loved it. so the rest of the series had better blow me away#pigeon mews#i just woke up i am extremely sleepy#i should not be posting this but I'm doing it#quick clarification: this post is not about people disliking the new book. dislike to your heart's content#this is about people (especially people who haven't read it themselves) saying do not read it because it's bad#maybe I'm just tired of this fandom being so miserable all the time. you don't have to be here if you're not having fun!#anyway. me: I'm too shy to say what i mean. me in the tags: HERE'S WHAT I MEAN lmfao#this post may self destruct (by which i mean get privated) if i feel self conscious about it once I've finished waking up
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Something that confuses me, is redditors logic of Mike's behavior? Specifically when it comes to the painting it just doesn't make sense to be fully convinced Mike can't possibly return Will's feelings?
For starters, they insist that Mike was uncomfortable with Will at the airport because he could sense Will's feelings for him and so that's why he couldn't hug him (as to not lead him on), and also panicked when he saw the painting bc he realized that he was probably the girl Will liked (according to El's letter). By their logic, Mike was obviously just uncomfortable with Will's feelings for him and the fact that he made a painting for him (with romantic implications) and that's because he does not return those romantic feelings whatsoever...
If we then apply that same logic to the van scene?... What the actual fuck is going on there then?
We got almost 5 seconds of Mike just staring at Will while he isn't looking as he's grabbing the painting, followed by Will handing it to Mike who looks confused like, For me? Are you sure? very visibly nervous, only to finally open it and look more relieved and happy than we've ever seen him, arguably in the entire show...?
Mind you, this is at a point when Mike fully assumed the painting is for a girl someone Will likes, right?
I repeat! According to their logic, Mike is under the assumption that this painting is for someone Will likes, and Mike is now currently finding out that it's for him and he is relieved???
WHY WOULD MIKE BE RELIEVED THAT WILL'S PAINTING IS FOR HIM, IF WERE BEING GIVEN A SCENARIO THEY ALREADY BELIEVE HAPPENED AT THE START OF THE SEASON, WITH MIKE BEING UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT??
AND WHY DID MIKE LOOK HAPPIEST BEFORE WILL SAID EL'S NAME? WHY DID HIS SMILE LITERALLY FALL AFTER WILL SAID EVEN EL, ESPECIALLY EL?
AND WHY DID MIKE LOOK MOST EMOTIONAL WHEN WILL WAS DESCRIBING THEIR RELATIONSHIP OVER THE LAST YEAR PERFECTLY, USING WORDS MIKE ALREADY USED WHEN HE MADE UP WITH WILL EARLIER IN THE SEASON???
#byler#stranger things#like... it just doesn't add up#either mike wanted will's painting to be for him or he didn't#and by their logic#mike doesn't like will and already knows about wills feelings for him and is trying to let him down easy#they assume the van scene is mike letting will down...#but...? where in that scene does mike look uncomfortable with the prospects that this is for mike specifically and from will specifically?#bc i would argue that he looks most uncomfortable at the points when will says el's name...#basically they need to understand previous scenes properly to even come close to understanding the van scene#you need to understand that mike didn't hug will at the airport bc he's scared of making his feelings obvious#then when he sees the painting he's experiencing a moment of hope that will brought it to give it to him#but then suddenly will is implying it isn't for mike#and now mike is being dubbed a knock off for the rest of the day and proceeds to be a self pittying idiot when his dominos fall (his words)#and so that is why when he gets the painting and thinks its from will at first and isn't for a girl but for mike... he looks relieved#bc that's what he was hoping for in the fucking first place#wake up ppl
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I need to try harder to get out of bed but augh
#🤖.txt#aghhfjg i really need to catch up on sleep. but i also want to do stuff but idk. this is dumb but nothing i do really feels worth the effor#anymore. Thinking like this is sad bc drawing is one of the few things i like doing and make me happy but idk#i might just go back to the way things were before. Just wait for the weekend and spend as much time drawing then#genuinely dont want to do anything at all this is so frustrating and im so tired and sad all the time#i know i should be using my break to focus on studying but with what time#Idkkkk i just really hate living like this#thinking about dropping out again but that would just mean house chores + babysitting full time while job hunting and idk if i can handle#that. I cant handle anything anymore and this is making me so sad . I want to be useful and do so many things but i reached my limit months#ago. I just wanted a week or two to just rest its all i need . But i know im never gonna get that again and at this point i might as well#just die but i cant do that neither bc i have shit to do#Everyone is always talking about how i have it so easy and how things are just gonna get worse bc they think me being home = me not doing#anything and idk. I cant take anything anymore and i think the most upsetting part of this is that i know theyre right#im not doing barely anything and i dont know. How to do more im just useless and ungrateful for the things i have#Really stressed and tired and literally nothing happened. Its gonna be 2pm soon and im supposed to wake up Earlier#But yeagh. this wasnt supposed to be this wall of text i just wanted to say that i might give up on art again for a while#aughhh i dont know how to do anything right idk how to live or take care of myself how am i supposed to raise someone .#this is. too much i think. I reallyyyyy need to relearn how to just talk to myself . I cant keep dropping these everyday and being . This t#evsryone around me. Everyone in my life deserves so much better than ill ever be#vent
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