#i want to hug someone and cry myself hollow. i want to walk off into the woods and scream loud enough to scare bears away.

[canadiangold]

How To Want Things Without Feeling Ungrateful and other self-help books i wish i could read

[oogaboogaspookyman]

So i've been having thoughts...

[EVERYTHING]

Another day, another thing to fight over. N is getting tired of this.

"NO NO NO, YOU CHEATED! YOU DEFINETLY CHEATED! YOU DESERVE THOSE EXTRA CARDS I MADE YOU PICK UP!" Uzi pointed fingers at V, who's currently at the front with one lone card. Yes they're playing Uno.

"I AM NOT CHEATING, YOU ROTTEN GRAPE, I'M ALLOWED TO PUT DOWN MORE THAN ONE CARD AT ONCE!" And V pointed fingers back at Uzi like she's being discriminated.

N just spaced out, looking at the front of him with half-lidded, tired eyes like a parent hearing siblings fight over the Xbox. At this point, nobody would deserve to hold the controller and it would be given away to someone more competent than the two of them, more deserving.

Meanwhile Cyn, Uzi's tail, is coiled around a can of oil. She's sipping from it like a kitty cat.

Right in front of my oil can, too. Annoyed expression.

N knows what to do, but it's gonna hurt and be slightly out of character for him, being the golden retriever of the group...

The entrance door to the bunker opens swiftly, and out comes a flying pair of Uzi and V, soon after faceplanting onto the snow ground.

"You're getting back in once you get along, or when it's getting late and i feel like you should get in." And right after N's first piece of dialogue, he closes the door on them.

The pair of girls looked at the now closed door to the bunker liked puppies having been thrown outside. Man N really did that, huh?

Strike one.

"zip it- Yeah! Sure! Whatever N, it's not like we need you or anything!" Uzi shouted back, trying to hide the hurt in the fact she's been pretty disciplined by her own fucking boyfriend.

"Careful with your words, rat." And V, being someone that cares about N a whole awful lot, bit back defensively.

Strike two.

"What are you, her girlfriend now? That's me!" Uzi you're way too smug.

And here we go.

"I USED TO HAVE HIM ALL TO MYSELF BEFORE YOU HAD TO COME ALONG!!"

Uzi's eyes widened and hollowed in shock as V yelled back.

"I HAD WHAT FELT LIKE EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING I TELL YOU, AND I LOST IT ALL TO THIS IDIOT ELDRITCH HORROR THAT TORE US APART AND PUT BACK TOGETHER LIKE TOYS. WE ARE A KITBASHED MESS OF A DRONE SQUAD AND YOU JUST HAVE THE NERVE TO BE A LITTLE SHIT TO ME JUST BECAUSE OF WHAT I AM AND WHAT I DO TO SURVIVE!"

Uzi walked back as V took her steps forward, slowly and menacingly, and while this happens her hands swap out for her signature claws. They're shaking.

"I CARE ABOUT HIM, I CARE SO FUCKING MUCH ABOUT HIM, I WANT THE BEST FOR HIM EVEN IF IT MEANT I HAD TO STEP OUT, STAY AWAY FROM THE ONE DRONE I LOVE, AND I CAN'T PROTECT HIM WHEN YOU'RE ACTIVELY MAKING EVERYTHING A PROBLEM!"

She makes one step forward, strong enough to make some snow fly off the ground.

"YOU CONSUMED OUR WORST FUCKING NIGHTMARE AND NOW I HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOU AND THAT FUCKING THING, CAN'T YOU JUST CUT ME SOME FUCKING SLACK?!"

V's optics start to glitch as tears begin to sprout from them. Her vision blurs.

"DO- DO YOU KNOW HOW I FELT WATCHING CYN HOLDING N'S CORE?! HAVE YOU- HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED HOW I FELT AT ALL?!"

Her voice begins to shake, just like her claws. Just like her entire body.

"I... I-I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE, WH- W- WHAT DO I D-DO TO MAKE YOU TREAT ME WITH B-BASIC FUCKING DECENCY, I REALLY DON'T KNOW!"

Uzi's hands begins to shake, a quiet sob coming out of her throat. Quiet enough to not be heard.

And as soon as Uzi slowed down to a stop, V took the chance to pounce and pin her down onto the snow.

Holy damn.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO AT THIS POINT, TELL ME!!"

V's panting, sounding animalistic, slowed down to a halt as she notices the face on Uzi. She's quietly crying. There are tears in her eyes.

V gets off of the crying drone and looks down on her, guilty. Guilty because you got tired of her antics? Really?

"Get up..."

Uzi, for some reason, obeyed and got up on her feet. Her legs are shaky...

...

A surprise hug from V is given to Uzi. A safe one, as she swapped out her claws for hands. I forget to mention shit sometimes.

"I'm sorry..."

...

"No, fuck that, i should be sorry..." Uzi's voice is so unsteady...

"But-" The sobbing drone held onto V's back tighter. "You need him more than i do and- and i took him from you b-because you did a mistake, you deserve to make amends and love him like i do... I'm sorry"

...

"Just let it all out, you need it... You need him more than me, V"

A crying mess of a dissassembly drone is heard screaming her voice away, quickly overpowering Uzi's noise in loudness.

God damn you two...

The two sit down on an abandoned car, the front of it to be specific, both of them in thought of what had transpired...

"What should i do to apologize properly?" V whispered to Uzi. She may or may not have lost a bit of her voice.

"Dude... Your voice..." Uzi looked at V with worry in her eyes.

"My voice doesn't matter, how should i apologize to N properly?"

... Uzi looked away in thought about it... Then back at her. "I think a simple “sorry for everything i did” and a hug will do... Maybe a kiss since you uh... Love him?"

"I can hear you, you don't have to whisper... I'm not gonna kiss him" She just... Stays, looking at the nothingness instead of the night sky, tired.

"Juuuuust a suggestion..." Uzi responded softly, looking back at what's above.

...

Maybe V should try it..? Who knows...

There's a knock on the entrance door to the bunker. N responds to it, and looks at them like a disappointed parent. "Did you two get along now?"

...

Uzi looked away, as did V... They're both seemingly tired. N notices this and immediately his demeanor switches. "Are you- are you doing okay?? Come in, come in, i'm so sorry i really shouldn't have done that-"

"No. I'm sorry, for everything i've done... And yeah let us in" she whispered to N, trying to raise her voice so she could be heard a little more. N notices this and, now worried, decides to let them in.

And now once inside, they head to Uzi's room...

"V, what happened to your voice?? Did you scream??" N is full of fear and worry and guilt, something could've happened and it would've been N's fault it could be anything it could be the worst thing ever it could-

A hug... From V.

"Stop worrying so much, my voice doesn't matter here... I'm sorry."

N puts his arms around her body, hugging back. "Alright... But what happened??"

"Me and Uzi got along... She says she's sorry even though i... We just- we just set aside our differences, okay..?" She pulled back from the hug to look at N in the eye as she spoke. She's smiling...

...

"I hope Uzi gives you what i failed to give you-"

"ROBO-GOD DAMMIT V!" Uzi yelled and pushed V onto N, causing their faces to collide. Causing their lips to collide.

V let out a muffled squeak as she kisses N, and he does the same noise, both from the shock of the kiss, the push, and the fact they've fallen onto Uzi's bed, V on top of N...

V pulls back from the kiss to look at N, shocked. He's feeling just as surprised. "Uhh..." V, for the first time in a long time, blushes so much her visor becomes an LED and feels a gratuituous amount of butterflies in her stomach. And so does N, after a while of thinking his feelings towards V had faded away... Looks like they still remain.

V whips her around to angrily glare at Uzi, who's enjoying the moment of the couple finally being a couple, and that V got what she needed the most.

She takes a deep breath, and gets off of N. "You win this time..." She said, sternly.

"You got what you needed most, can't you just say thanks??" Uzi threw her arms up, offended by V's ungratefulness.

"... As a thank you for forcing me to give a kiss to my ex i might as well return the favour~" Uzi immediately regretted her choices and began to try to run away... But she can't. There's V's tail coiled around her waist. Fuck.

"V NO OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY HOLY SHIT- MMPH!!" Uzi squeaked, and it's muffled from V's lips colliding with her own. She didn't win at all, definetly /sarcasm.

Gross. Annoyed expression.

Once V pulled back, slowly, and smirked at Uzi's reaction. Her visor is overrun with purple blush, overlapping her eyes.

"i definetly didn't like that-" V quickly interrupts her. "Oh yes you did~" and finishes that sentence by licking her lips... "meep!"

"V don't be mean now-"

"I'm not, i'm just giving Uzi a thank you gift~!"

"That's my girlfriend you're kissing? Hellooo??" He said with his hands on his hips. Looks like Uzi's sass rubbed off on N.

"Wanna double team her, then~?" Uzi whined at that, gaining the attention of the two dissassembly drones. They look like cats when you go pspspspsps.

EW! Disgusted expression!

"... We'll do that later~, for now... How about we cuddle? We've had... A harsh day, y'know?" V made an actually nice suggestion. It feels like the first time she does this... Maybe they do need a cuddle session.

Uzi thinks about it... After their most intense interaction and all, it sounds good right about now...

"Sure! I love doing anything that makes my girls happy!" N didn't think about it at all, all cuddles are accepted in his case... "You know what? Why not, let's give it a go..." And Uzi accepted, seeing as N was happy about it... Besides she really needs to chill out too.

N pulls his girls in so that they're resting against him his tail intertwining with V's and his head resting on Uzi's messy wave of purple. He sighs in relief. "Thanks for getting along, you two..."

"Hey Uzi..?" V has one last thing to say...

"mm..?"

"Thank you..."

...

...

Uzi sniffs once and hugs the two of them... Especially V, the most hurt of the group...

And suddenly, V has everything all over again, and she'll make sure that this time... Nothing will take them away. Never again.

[end.]

[lunaekalenda]

Can you do a Levixfem reader

Where the reader “dies” In his arms on a expedition and he had to leave the body and turns out you were alive but outside the walls and the next expedition they find you. And when that get back in the walls together they get there freak on if you know what I mean😏. Thanks so much!🥰❤️

okay! i’ll try my best <3 ! i hope you like it! <3 it turned out kinda romantic aaaa

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levi x fem!reader

w: death mentions, fake death (?), slight nsfw in the end (really vanilla it's most centered on the feelings :D). No Regrets war flashbacks, some snk spoilers. mention of blood.

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“Y/N” Levi’s tears are falling from his face to your skin. Nobody has seen the captain so broken, crying in the middle of an expedition, hugged to your body. He caresses your skin. “Love, please, wake up...” he asks in a whisper, his voice breaking while he keeps crying. “Please.”

Levi feels Erwin’s hand on his shoulder, calling him. “Levi, we have to go!” Erwin says. Levi can’t take his eyes away from your beautiful face, how your closed eyes are never going to shine with that love they always do. Erwin shakes his shoulder harder. “Come on, Levi!!” he yells. Levi takes your body on his arms, but Erwin stops him. “What the hell are you doing?” Levi hugs you closer, tears falling from his eyes again.

“I’m not gonna leave her behind.” He says, his husky tone serious, as if he wanted to say to Erwin that leave you behind isn’t an option. Because you’re only asleep. 

Right?

“She’s dead, Levi. Dead. Leave her. We can’t lose you because you’re carrying a body.” Erwin’s words hit him. Dead... Dead is a word Levi hates. Because it is always followed by the name of someone he loves or cares for. His mom. Isabel. Gunter. Petra. You.

“No. She’s...”

“Leave it, Levi. You don’t want more people to die, don’t you?”

That’s true. He needs to be on his full capacities to defend the trope. He looks around, to a place where he can leave your body, knowing the titans will never take it. He easily founds a tree that has a hollow trunk, with a small slot through which it can slide you inside. He leaves you there, along with a bottle of water, in case you’re still alive. He kisses your forehead. “I’ll come back for you, love. I promise.”

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You wake up inside a tree hours after. You feel dizzy and your head hurts a lot. There’s a little bottle of water near you, and, needing it, you open it fast, drinking. You can hear a man’s voice inside your head.��“Drink slowly, dummy. It will make you feel worst.” You don’t know who does that voice belong to, when it sounds so familiar. You can’t also recognize the place, looking through the slot. You’re dressed in your military clothes, and you still have your swords with you. Your light brown jacket is covered in blood. You start to recover some memories. The expedition. The titan that sent you away with his hand. Levi yelling your name.

Levi. Levi.

All your thoughts were back to him. Is he okay? Why did him leave you on a tree? Did something happen to him and he decided to hide you? Maybe he hide you for a moment and never came back?

You’re feeling anxious just with the thought. It has to be a normal reason. He’s okay for sure, and he will be back as soon as possible.

“No” Erwin’s voice is clear. Levi clicks his tongue again.

“I have to go back for her...”

“Levi, there’s nothing you can do for her now.” Hange says. Even when them wanted to accompany Levi -they were sure they could capture some good titans.- They didn’t want to disobey the Commander. “We wont make another expedition just for a body. I know it hurts, but let it go.”

“Fine. I’ll go by myself.” he says, getting up. “I don’t need anyone to go to the nearest fucking tree and come back.” He leaves the office, slamming the door. Erwin sighs.

“Hange, tell the 104 Special Squad to accompany their captain.”

It was afternoon when Levi was prepared to leave, but he found his squad on the wall’s door.

“What are you all doing here? Go back training, brats.” he says, getting on his horse.

“The Commander told us to accompany you, Captain.” Jean says, adjusting his jacket.

“We’re here to help you, to bring her back inside.” Eren smiles softly. That words make Levi change his opinion. He sighs.

“Be careful and don’t leave my side, right?” They part towards the door, and they leave. The camp is quiet after the extermination of the day before. Connie looks around.

“Do you think we will find her alive?” he asks in a whisper. Levi hears that, but he ignores it. Even when he knows it’s almost impossible to find you alive. They walk silently towards the tree where he left you. He runs quickly, leaving his horse with the squad, as they keep a distance. In part, because they want to pay respect. 

Levi’s heart breaks when he sees the empty trunk. There’s nothing inside, even the bottle isn’t there. He made sure to leave you somewhere they couldn’t find, but they did anyway. They found you. They didn’t let him say goodbye to you. 

Levi kneels in front of the tree, tears running down his face again. He wants to be strong, but he can’t. He has lost you. The most important person in his life.

You drink again before putting the bottle near the river, taking more water. You stand up with difficulty and walk towards the tree slowly, giving secure steps. You’re feeling dizzy yet, but you needed to drink. You know Levi will came back for you, and that’s why you walk back to your hiding place. You see horses when you’re getting closer. Horses and brown jackets. And, when you’re just a couple steps far from them, you see him, kneeled in front of your tree.

“Levi...” you whisper. He’s alive and he’s there. He came back for you. “Levi.” you say, stronger. Jean and Eren turn around. They see you, covered in blood and pale, but alive. Jean runs towards you and he helps you to walk. “Levi.” That’s the only thing you can say. 

Levi is used to listen to his loved ones voices once they had left this world. That’s why hearing you whispering his name isn’t something new for him.

“Captain!” Instead, Eren’s voice sounds clear. “We found her!” the smile can be heard on his voice. Levi wants to kick his ass for joking in a moment like this, but he faces you when he turns around. As beautiful as always, you’re supported by Eren and Jean, and they are making sure you’re not falling. Levi stands up as fast as he can, and he hugs you. You can feel his tears on your shoulder as he feels yours on his. He caresses your hair quietly, hugging your body stronger against his. “You’re here.” he whispers. You nod, sobbing. You have missed him, you have feared for him.

“You’re okay.” you say. He answers you with a kiss on your hair.

“I’m sorry, love. They made me leave you here. I knew it was bad, but I... I.” his sobs doesn’t let him talk. You caress his back, trying to calm him.

“It’s fine.” You whisper. After a couple minutes trying to calm each other, Sasha talks.

“Why don’t we resume this beautiful moment inside the walls? I don’t want to end being wedding catering for a titan.” They all nod. Levi helps you to get on top of his horse, and he sits behind you. There, caged between his arms and feeling his heartbeat against your back, you feel safe again.

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“I’m sorry.” he says. The doctor has just left the room, saying that you only injured a little bit your leg and your head is healing well. You’re on Levi’s bed, the one you usually sleep on. He sits near you and kisses your forehead. “I’m sorry for leaving you behind.” he says. He thought that, once you knew he left your body there, you would be mad.

“We’re soldiers, Levi.” you say. “Sadly, we can’t take all the bodies with us. Sometimes we have to sacrifice for the others.” you say. You understand Erwin’s decision and Levi’s pressure. You’re soldiers, after all.

Levi combs a lock of your hair with his fingers, softly. “I was so scared... I couldn’t close an eye during the night. I only could think about you.” he says. You smile softly at him. “I was terrified.” You attract him towards your body, hugging him. “I’m sorry, love, I’m so sorry...” you try to calm him with caresses and sweet kisses in his head. “I feel like you’re an illusion, that you’re just a product of my imagination playing with me.” he says. He takes his head out of your chest. “Maybe I lost you and that’s why you’re here? To comfort me?” 

You take his hand, sneaking it into your t-shirt, placing it near your heart. His eyes shot open when he feels your pulse against his palm. “I’m here. And I’m real, Levi. I’m the Y/N you always hug. I’m the same. I’m alive.”

His lips search yours in a kiss. He wants more proofs. He wants to make sure you won't disappear when he blinks. He needs to make sure. His hand is still in your shirt, but he isn't searching more. He needs to know you want the same, that you feel good enough. He feels your hands attracting him closer, pulling by the neck of his shirt. He sighs.

Kisses and mixed breaths. He looks at you when you part for air, his chest rising fast, his hands playing with the end of the t-shirt you're wearing. His eyes looking at yours, asking for permission. You nod quietly, looking at him in the eyes, making sure he understands you want this. His hands take off your shirt, admiring every single scar on your body, every mole and every birthmark. Making sure every one of them is in the same place it was, that your body is still the same he remembers. That they are all your little details he loves to admire.

For your surprise, he leans on and kisses every one of them. Every single thing that makes your skin special. You blush at it, but he doesn't care. He's showing without words how much he adores you, how much he cares for you. The affection and love behind every kiss is overwhelming. Your hands are fast unbuttoning his white shirt. He lets the fabric slide down his shoulders once you're done. Feeling his skin against yours is one of your favorite sensations.

There aren't too many words while he keeps kissing every inch of your body, taking away the fabrics that obstacle him. You can only think of him, of how cold his skin is, how good he feels and how much you've missed him, even for just a day. Because when you didn't know how he was, it felt like whole centuries. He lets out a sigh when he gets under the sheets with you, being careful to not cause you pain, standing on his arms on top of you. He smiles, a true smile when you tangle your fingers with his. His grey eyes have a mix of a lot of feelings: love, apology, desire, happiness... they're like storms. You feel his tender touch on your thighs, guiding them. You follow his movements, obeying him.

"Take advantage because I won't be so obedient next time." you joke. He chuckes quietly, and it warms your heart. He smiles so widely after that... You feel so good just watching him. He takes a hand down, fingers probing down your body, making sure you're ready. He chuckles again when your amused expression changes after a single finger touch.

His name comes out of your mouth like a praise. When he touches you, when he buries in you, when he quietly kisses you. You mind and body has his name tattooed while he sets a pace against you, slow but intense. Levi's low praises make your body search him more desperately. When his pace starts to fail and his hips move without any patron against yours, you let out his name again.

"Say it again." he asks. Hearing your name come that easily from your lips makes it even more real. More intimate. "Please." his voice isn't more than a low whisper now, mixed with sighs. He smiles when you say his name again, pushing against you a last time. He lets his head rest on your chest, your quick heartbeat against his ears. He tries to calm his breath. "I love you. I love you so much." he says. "I'll never leave you behind."

You smile, your fingers running through his hair with tenderness. "I know. I know, Levi." you whisper. His eyes feel heavy after the nervous night he passed yesterday, so he acomodates himself by your side, his bare body near yours. You feel his lips on your shoulder.

"And thanks for always coming back for me, no matter what"

[let-the-living-beware]

Happy Birthday

TW; Death, Violence

Is live even worth living anymore?

I've been asking myself this question a lot since his death. It happened the night before my birthday, and I can't stand this day. Everyone is delighted for me. All of the servants congratulated me, and gifts from many big names in the demon world arrived, but I couldn't appreciate them at all. All of my thoughts had been laid by that day, which had only been a few hours ago.

Now I at here, trying to forget all of it. I felt numb and hollow. My best friend was gone, forever and nothing I could do would bring him back. I was about to star crying again, when I heard a small creak from my door.

When I looked up, I noticed a silhouette in the doorframe. Someone's silhouette I didn't want to see. "Happy birthday, big brother," he said sarcastically as he approached me. "What do you want, Reiji?" I asked, "Giving you your present, of course." He smiled at me and held a plushie in front of my face. It had the same hair color as Edgar and the same eyes.

I said a quiet "thank you," but Reiji had already turned around. As he walked towards the door, he said something under his breath. "What did you say?" I asked as I rose from my bed. "I said you're pathetic for being a friend and even mourning the death of a human; I'm glad he died in that fire," he retold his sentence, and a sudden anger came up in me as I realised what he just said.

I approached him and punched the black haired boy in the face as hard as I could, knocking him to the ground. Said person looked up at me in surprise before leaping at me and yanking me down by the waist. He hit me repeatedly while I struggled to get him off of me. "It's all your fault! It's because of you, mother despises me!" Reiji yelled at me before being dragged away by someone.

A woman with red hair and golden eyes stood behind him. A founder? I asked myself, but couldn't elaborate because my uncle kneeled in front of me. "Are you okay?" Cecil asked, and all the anger in my body vanished. "What have I done?" I asked, tears streaming down my cheeks as I hugged him. Cecil patted my back a bit before standing up, handing me the little rabbit and walking up to Reiji.

"Is he okay, Laiko?" he asked the woman. She nodded and continued to speak to him. Reiji, on the other hand, looked at me with pure hatred in his eyes. I was about to say something when another pat on the back of my head interrupted me. I looked to my right, expecting to see my mother, but there was no one there.

To this day I like to imagine that it was Edgar saying his last goodbye.

[bestruction]

Falling in love with a marleyan pt1

N/a: this request got me thinking a lot 😅 i guess that's why is so long and because of that, i'll be making a pt2 for Eren. I'm sorry for it, anon and thank you for sharing such great ideia with me💞 please let me know if you like it

(I inspired myself a little bit in this hc)

You can read the pt.2 here

- Reiner Braun

Since you were the daughter of an important general of the Marley army, you were always around in the headquarters learning about the military service. It was your dad's wish that you could bring honor to the family and for the country.

You never understood really well the importance of all that. You were just a kid.

So when he got busy, you preferred to walk around looking for something interesting instead of listening to hours of a conversation you didn't even understand.

And that's how you met Reiner.

One day, after picking up some book about the history of Marley and Eldia, you went to the patio to sit under the shade of a tree to read. Not long after, other children appeared, running and tired, and since you were behind the tree, none of them had noticed you until then.

“Take a breath and try to reach us later, Reiner. The commander will not like it if you don't finish the training ” said an older voice.

You heard footsteps drift away, and only the owner of the painting breath stays.

You were curious to know who it was since you had never seen children in the area. You came out from behind the tree with the tissue you carried in your pocket in hand to offer to the sweaty stranger.

He was astonished at first, and you noticed the golden armband on his arm.

He was an eldian warrior candidate.

Reiner stared at you for a few more seconds before accepting the tissue. He was afraid to offend whoever you were. He wiped the sweat off his forehead and bit his lips, not knowing whether to keep the delicate tissue or give it back.

The tissue dirty with the sweat of an eldian, but still the tissue of a Marley citizen.

"You can keep it if you want"

"thank you,"  He said almost in a whisper. "But don't you prefer that I take it to wash and then bring it back to you?"

"You don't need to bring it back, but if you want to, I'll be here waiting for you tomorrow"

Reiner ran again without looking back. He did not know how to act after that and when he returned home, he washed the white tissue hidden from his mother to return it to you the next day. He did not expect to see you, so when you came out smiling from behind the tree like the day before, he was more than surprised.

“You brought it! Thanks"

"Thanks…?"

You told him your name and noticed his eyes widen when he heard your last name. It was hard not to know who your father was in the army. So you didn't find it strange and asked the boy's name.

“Reiner. Rainer Braun ”

You smiled again, which made you wonder what was so funny.

"I'm sorry. It's just that it is a name that suits you so much that it is funny. It means warrior. That's what you are ”

You responded by pointing at his armband.

Reiner blushed more than he wanted to admit. Never had a girl said anything like that to him, let alone a marleyan girl.

"It's a pity that we can't talk for more than a few minutes, Reiner. I was never able to talk to an eldian so closely ”

He nodded with his head, still trying to ignore the blush on his cheeks, but it was unsuccessful since you then proposed the last thing that would go through his head.

Your father was indeed a general, but he did not see the eldians as inferior beings. That had been the reason he had entered the military career, had the slightest chance of being able to change that view, that was the honor he wanted you to bring. So he taught you the same thing.

To talk to someone like Reiner was not repulsive, but something that you longed to be able to learn more about the eldians in a narrative that was not what you saw at school.

That's why you proposed that you exchange letters. Secrets so as not to cause any kind of problem for him. He would leave his letter in the hollow trunk of the tree, and you would do the same when you couldn't meet in those brief seconds of his training.

He accepted more for fear of you than willingly, but as you talked about each other's daily lives, about the details you observed in each other, and the disguised looks when you passed by the quarter,  this fear gave way to a sincere friendship.

And without either of you realizing in something else.

When he was chosen to inherit the armored titan, you cried for hours in your room in secret, hugging the box where you hid all the letters exchanged for knowing what that meant.

And then he realized that you had fallen in love with the eldian of the letters.

It all happened very fast. You didn't have time to go to the quarter to see if he had left something on the tree and then read in the paper about the group of warriors sent to the demon island.

You never forget about him.

The years passed, and when Reiner returned, you had just taken a patent for being useful in strategy in other wars and thanks to your family's name.

He didn't expect you to remember him, and after everything that happened, he couldn't even think about it much.

But that thought changed when you whispered to him as you passed down the hall without anyone noticing:

"Look in the tree"

Like when you were kids, you had left a letter in the tree, and for some reason that he didn't know how to explain, it brought a certain comfort to his heart.

In the letter, you said how much you missed him. You had written for the old days since you two could talk without bringing any problem to him because you were in the army too. You asked him to meet you in the most deserted building in the area to talk better.

Reiner went to the place, and after seeing you up close for a longer time, he was sure that time had made you a beautiful woman. You talked for a few hours, and it was as if the two of you had gone back to being a child without the traumas he suffered in Paradis and the ones you got on the battlefield.

Once again, time passed, with you two talking cautiously as a precaution, exchanging a note here and there, meeting when you could.

You were the one who gave Reiner the strength to continue.

• It didn't take long for the childhood crush to become love, and the more you two tried to ignore it, the more evident it became until one day on impulse, in one of the many meetings in that building you kissed him.

And he reciprocated.

Your relationship was not easy. It would be a scandal if anyone knew. That's why you rented an apartment farther from the city to meet with more privacy without anyone knowing.

It was not easy, but you loved each other.

Reiner was your first love and your first time, and even with all the disadvantages, you would never choose someone else for that.

And now you're pregnant.

You haven't been feeling very well in the past few months, but you didn't worry too much because you thought it was just a war result, thanks to the stress that started after Paradis. Now, as a commander, you had more work than ever.

But after throwing up your favorite food, you decided to go to a doctor.

The doctor wanted to share the good news with your father, but no one knew about you and Reiner, nor should he. So you just made up an excuse like:

“I want to tell myself. Please keep it confidential ”  

And went home.

Part of you is happy, and the other is unable to stop “what if?”

What if someone finds out who the baby's father is?

What if Reiner doesn't react well to the news?

Raising a baby is already a difficult task, creating a baby that should not exist in the eyes of everyone ...

You didn't know what to do.

You needed to speak to Reiner as soon as possible.

With the end of the war and Marley's victory, you met in the apartment you had rented some time ago.

You waited for him to lie down next to you on the bed, and while caressing your face, you said:

"I’m pregnant"

Reiner sat on the bed and ran a hand through his hair. He was serious, he didn't need to ask if you were kidding.

"How long?"

"Two mouths"

He got up and paced the room before looking back at you.

"What are you going to do?"

"So now is just me, hm?"

“That’s not what I mean, baby” He snorts heavily “I just don’t know what to say”

“Maybe a‘ I’m here with you' it'd be enough, Reiner”

"You know I’m"

"Do i?"

Reiner saw you cry a few times, but the image of you sitting on the bed where you shared so many moments with your eyes full of tears will always be the hardest to forget in his mind.

     He comes to you, and without saying anything, he cries with you until both are calmer.

     Leaving the subject for later was not the smartest decision to make, but for now, it was what you both needed. So you decided to talk after Willy Tybur's speech that was going to happen that night.

     That night, you expected to end up in Reiner's arms and not having to run to save yourself, Falco, and Gabi.

     And even less shouting his name in a random window to wake him up.

    It was your voice that woke him up to fight. It was your voice that made him overcome the desire to die. It was your voice that gave him hope to move forward, and for your voice, for you, he would find a way to work things out.

     You stayed by his bedside every day while he was in the infirmary, which generated a lot of rumors about your compassion for the eldian.

     When Reiner woke up plagued by yet another of many nightmares, he thought he started to dream when he saw your warm smile.

    On an impulse, you hugged him tightly, leaving Pieck and Pig shocked across the room.

“I knew it. I knew you’d be fine ”You said without let him go.

“I'm here for you, baby” He answered, hugging you back. "For you two"

"How did you get the commander pregnant ?!" You heard Porco's voice.

“Pock, I thought you already knew how these things work at that age” teased Pieck.

“Don’t act like you’re not thinking the same!”

“Let’s go outside, and I’m going to explain to you how mama and papa Galliard made you” She teased again by pulling him out of the infirmary and winking at you.

She knew. Of course, she knew. Nothing escaped Pieck's perception.

    You told your parents about the pregnancy, afraid to tell you who the baby's father was. They understood the situation and helped you both throughout your pregnancy.

    Reiner always showed up at your house around dawn to make sure no one saw him. He always wanted to know how you were doing and compensate you in some way for not being able to go out and see you as a partner would do.

     Many rumors arose about who your baby's father would be, but you tried not to care since it was all rumors after all.

When you went into labor, it was a mess. The initial plan was that he would not come to your house so as not arouse suspicion. Pieck and Porco tried to convince him not to go, but he ran up to your house and entered the back. He couldn't stop thinking about your face. He couldn't leave you alone in a moment like this.

     And honestly, you were more than relieved when you saw the blonde enter your room, hold your hand, and repeat the same words from the day of the infirmary:

“I’m here for you, for you two”

[mmvalentine]

You're Home | Jurdan

Canon divergent. Scene lift from TWK. The smut I wanted but was not given...

I slip into Cardan's room. Though it is not yet dawn, I am lucky. The room is empty of revelry. No courtiers doze on the cushions or in his bed. I walk to where he sleeps and press my hand over his mouth.

He wakes, fighting against my grip. I press down hard enough that I can feel his teeth against my skin. He grabs for my throat, and for a moment, I'm scared that I'm not strong enough, that my training isn't good enough. Then his body relaxes utterly, as though realising who I am.

He shouldn't relax like that. "He sent me to kill you," I whisper against his ear.

A shiver goes through his body, and his hand goes to my waist, but instead of pushing me away, he pulls me into the bed with him, rolling my body across him onto the heavily embroidered coverlets.

My hand slips from his mouth, and I am unnerved to find myself here, in the new High King's new bed- one I am still too human to lie in, beside someone who terrifies me the more I feel for him.

"Balekin and Orlagh are planning your murder," I say, flustered.

"Yes," he says lazily. "So why did I wake up at all?"

I am awkwardly conscious of his physicality, of the moment when he was half awake and pulled me against him. "Because I am difficult to charm," I say.

That makes him give a soft laugh. He reaches out and touches my hair, traces the hollow of my cheekbone. "I could have told my brother that," he says, with a softness in his voice that I am utterly unprepared for. "Where have you been?" he asks me. I don't know how to answer.

"Madoc says you've been ill," Cardan goes on, when I say nothing. His fingers still move lightly over my face. "Must you take your convalescence so far from me?"

"I must," I say stiffly, "since you've allowed Madoc to bar me from seeing you. I have information that cannot wait."

Cardan shakes his head. "I know not of what you speak. Madoc told me you were resting and that we should let you heal."

I frown. "I see. And in the interim, Madoc would no doubt take my place as your advisor," I tell Cardan. "He gave your guards orders to keep me out of the palace."

"I will give them different orders," Cardan says.

"See that you do," I say. "Now, I need to tell you about the plans from the Undersea."

But Cardan just tugs me closer, moves the cover over me so I am under it with him. "I don't care," he says.

"You need to care," I tell him. "Your life is in danger, and we need to make a plan."

"Later," Cardan says. "We have all the time in the world for planning. There's only one thing I've learned tonight that has been worthy of note."

"And, what, pray tell, is that?" I ask him impatiently. I am all too aware that the warmth now enveloping me is Cardan's own body heat, that I'm here in the cocoon of his sleep and his breath. That he is completely naked beneath the sheets, and is not at all shy about it.

"You're home," he says simply. "You're home and that's all that matters." And then he draws me into his arms, and just holds me to him, and I am so surprised that I don't move at all for a moment.

And then my arms are moving, quite without me telling them to, to wrap around his shoulders and to hug him back. His hands stroke at my back and my fingers curl in the hair at the back of his neck. He tangles his legs in mine.

I've been so focused on plotting and scheming and keeping ahead of the enemy, that it only now occurs to me what a relief it is to actually be here, with Cardan, in the silent hours of the early morning.

My arms tighten around his neck and before I know it I'm clinging onto him for dear life, and the horror of the days and weeks I spent under water figuring out how I was going to get back to him, if I was ever going to get back to him starts streaming in from whatever small corner of my mind I had crammed it into. I start shaking in Cardan's arms, and he just smooths circles between my shoulder blades and says "Shhh, you're home now." And that gentleness just freaks me out more, and it is minutes before I can relax.

When I am finally still again, Cardan pulls back just enough to study my face.

"What's this?" he asks gently, and wipes his thumbs across my face. They come away wet, and I realise I've been crying. I'm mortified, and I start to pull away from him, but Cardan put his hands on my face and stops me.

"I'm so sorry I let you get taken," he whispers. "I'm sorry I did not keep you safe." He leans forward and kisses the tears from my face. "And I've been wanting to tell you for so long now that I'm sorry I've always been unkind to you. I realised, when you were gone, truly gone beneath the waves and I hated myself as I never have before, that I've never apologised to you for that. For any of it."

He is so unlike himself in this moment that I cannot help but look for the trick in his words. I am aware that I am just gaping at him like an idiot, but I can't for the life of me conjure coherent words to say. Cardan laughs, his bed-warmed hand going to my shoulder.

"Either I've surprised you or you are as ill as Madoc claimed. Perhaps I am foolish, but I am not a fool. You like something about me," he says, mischief lighting his face, making its planes more familiar. "The challenge? My pretty eyes? No matter, because there is more you do not like and I know it."

And although this Cardan is the Cardan I know, I feel sorry to break the moment. So I shoot back at him, "Not your eyes. It's your lips. You have a cruel but lovely mouth. That's the reason I like you."

Cardan's eyes light. "So you admit you do like me," he says. His hand strokes down my side now. "If only for my beautiful features. I suppose I cannot blame you, for I am a sight to behold."

I go to smack his arm then, but he catches my hand and links his fingers through mine.

"Still," he murmurs, face only inches from mine. "Whatever you like me for. I'll take it. And if it's my lips you like, you can have them."

And then he leans in and presses his mouth to mine.

Desire floods instantly through me, and I am shocked by the strength of it. My lips part for him, and his tongue is hot and lush against mine. And as we kiss I realise that I've missed him, so much, and his kisses are like the piles of food I devoured after starving so long.

Cardan's hands slide beneath my shirt- his own doublet, it occurs to me, stolen only hours ago from his old bedroom. They find the shape of me, and tell my skin secret things that only our bodies know. Soon I'm sliding out of the jacket, and he's tugging off my hose, and although I am very warm in Cardan's bed, I shiver under his fingers.

Yet my skin knows his touch. I am still inexperienced, but we've been here before and this time, my body knows where to expect him. Arches up to meet him as he gets there. This time, my hands know better what to do.

This time, it is both of us breathing raggedly as we spin closer and closer together.

Kissing Cardan has always felt vaguely horrifying but he's right. I just don't care anymore. I'm home, and he's here, and all that's in my mind is chasing the pleasure that he's trailing along my lips, down my throat, across my belly, and between my legs. It's a molten heat that travels wherever Cardan's silvery skin touches mine.

And now his tongue is moving under my ear as he rolls to cage me in his long limbs. His lips descend down my sternum and his teeth catch under my navel. He kisses across my hips and I think I might die from the pleasure. I reach forward and run my hands through the curls of his hair, and he makes a pleased murmuring sounds that vibrates across my skin. I'm so comfortable here that I'm utterly unprepared when he dips his head and licks his tongue between my thighs.

My hips buck off the bed and stars burst before my eyes. I gasp, and see nothing, and my fingers tighten involuntarily against Cardan's scalp. He repeats the motion, over and over and I'm too overwhelmed to be self-conscious about the moans that he's pulling from my lips. Then he slides his fingers into me and I'm dead. I'm sure I'm dead because the world has ceased to exist and I float in boundless rapture. I couldn't say how long for.

Cardan moves back up my body like a wave of heat. He settles over me and his naked cock presses against me where his tongue was moments ago, and I still can't move.

"Jude," he whispers. I don't recognise my name. "Jude." He kisses my lips and still I float. "Are you alright?" I manage to nod. Cardan slides himself against me, wet from his mouth, and asks, "Do you want me to keep going?"

It's enough to bring me back, to meet his eyes as I nod again, and now he's nudging at my entrance. My legs slide up and curl around his hips. His tail coils around my lower leg, and my hands tangle in his hair once more. I can't stop touching it, it's soft like nothing else.

And then he's sliding inside me, incredibly slowly, and the world drops away once more.

In this moment, there's only me and Cardan and the sweetest ache between us, and he's whispering my name like a mantra. "Jude," he says, letting his head drop on my shoulder. "Jude," and this time it's a moan as his fingers interlace with mine and hold them against the mattress. "Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude..."

After that I stop hearing him, because blood is rushing in my ears as his hips start to speed up, and although I feel full to breaking with him inside me, I find all I want is more and more and more.

In that moment I wonder briefly if lust and power and love and hate might all be the same thing after all.

Cardan pulls out of me, and for a second I'm empty and dismayed. Then he's rolling me onto my side, curving his body around mine and pulling my hips back toward him. All I want is to have him back inside me, and I am gratified a second later when he pushes into me from behind.

Cardan has his mouth on my neck, and his hand is pulling my top leg over his hip so he can reach my clit with his fingers. Before I know it, I'm coming undone there in the High King's bed, my fingers grabbing at nothing.

I start to scream and Cardan leans up to cover my mouth with his, kissing me over and over until he, too, is shaking and coming and gripping my hip so hard I'm sure the marks of his fingers will be there for days to come.

We lie there, curled together in the dark and for the first time I'm not at all angry at the command he has over my body.

In fact I'm not angry at anything, and I don't know when else that has ever been true. I just have this bone-deep calm, and it's never, ever been like this with Cardan. It would scare me, if I wasn't so damn calm.

Cardan wipes my legs down and then kisses the back of my neck, and seems to settle back to sleep with ease.

I lie awake for a little longer, wondering what Cardan will be like in the morning, and how we will scheme ourselves out of the Undersea danger.

But Cardan is so warm around me that I do not scheme for long.

****

Soft jurdan, for once in their lives 🥺🥺🥺 My babies.

@asteria-of-mars and @swankii-art-teacher!

JURDAN MASTERLIST

[xenia-cenia]

Venti x Fem!Reader - Wherever The Wind Blows

A/N-FLYING LOVE CONFESSION SCENE GO BRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Trigger/Content Warnings: Abusive/overbearing parents, spoilers, kidnapping

Word Count: 2,875

Request: No

Summary: You, a sheltered daughter of rich parents, longed for freedom more than anything else. A boy came along, promising freedom with his every breath

------------------------------------------

Your parents had been overbearing since your birth. (Y/N), don’t go in the streets! (Y/N), don’t touch that! (Y/N), stay inside!

You were never sure why, but you always complied. Seeing your parents' eyes fill with tears when you got an injury as little as a scraped knee kept you in line. It wasn’t that they didn’t love you... you were pretty sure they loved you, at least.

As the only child in your family, you were protected. You grew up surrounded by well-vetted maids and kind ‘strangers’. You were naive, you were innocent, you were gullible.

And most of all, you were rich. 

Deep in your heart, you knew there was more to life than this. There were birds who chirped in the sky and wind that knocked you off your feet. You had read all of the stories of adventures and Archons - you nearly had them memorized. 

On your 16th birthday, as you sat in your bay window in your room on the highest floor of your manor, you felt resolve bury itself inside of you. 

It took 2 weeks for you to come up with a plan to sneak out, and another 4 weeks for you to build the confidence to actually do it.

And as you snuck between shadows and outside the doors, you almost couldn’t believe it. You wore a dark black cape and flipped the hood up. Freedom truly was here. 

You picked up your skirts and let adrenaline push through your veins as you ran until you caught sight of a magnificent tree. You walked to the tree and sat on the grass, feeling the dirt between your fingertips and the cold air biting your skin.

As you pushed the hood down, you couldn’t help but cry out in glee. Freedom. 

No more memorizing books from cover to cover or breathing on your hands pretending it was the wind. True freedom, true choice, true Teyvat. All of it was right here, underneath your fingertips! What would you do first? Sneak a sip of wine? Learn to fight like in the adventures you loved oh so much? 

You lied down, smiling widely until you heard soft bouncing. You pulled yourself up and saw a small blue ball begin to approach you, water trailing behind it.

“Hello, friend.” You crawled towards the ball, “What are you?”

The ball didn’t respond and instead continued bouncing towards you. You thought for a moment, trying to recall anything resembling it from your books.

“A small blue ball... with water...” You jumped to feet as you remembered Slimes - a fearsome beast who lived outside your manors walls. How they tore wartorn fighters into shreds, but they had a preference for young girls with (h/c) hair and (e/c) eyes. You shrieked and began to run away, but tripped over the tree's roots.

“Dost the lady require assistance? Luckily, the bard can help with no resistance!” An arrow struck the slime to the ground. You looked up to your savior and saw a boy jump from the tree you were sitting under and smile at you, extending his hand to help you up. “Are you alright?”

You gripped onto the boy's hands and looked him up and down. A boy - no shorter than 5′2, no taller than 5′4 - with black hair that melted into two light-blue braids, a Cecilia stuck into his baret. “How can I thank you for this deed?”

He looked at you with wide eyes before laughing and pulling out of your grasp, 

“My names Venti. What’s yours?”

“(Y/N) (L/N).”

“Ehe, (Y/N), you can buy me an apple... or two.” 

“If that’s all it takes.” 

He escorted you to Mondstadt, happily chatting about whatever topic came to mind. When you arrived in the city, you couldn’t hide your surprise. You froze in your steps and watched the candles in the windows blow out, drunks merrily singing songs while collapsed on the ground. Even children calling out for strangers to buy their newest stock.

“Woah...” 

“(Y/N)?” Venti turned when he noticed you weren’t walking by his side. When he saw the wonder in your eyes, he smiled and stood next to you, “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Where... where are we?”

“Mondstadt, city of freedom and wind.”

“Freedom...” you repeated. You turned to Venti, “Is it true? Every citizen here is free? Can I... can I be free?”

“Do you want to be?”

“It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

He grabbed your hand and dragged you through the crowds, “I’ll have to give you a tour of the city of freedom myself!” 

You spent the night avoiding cats, watching Venti sing songs for cheering onlookers, and trying to bite down the guilt you felt. As the sun began to rise, you watched the sky paint itself orange and red from the ground. 

Freedom will never be your reality.  

Tears slipped down your cheeks as you prayed that you’d get home in time. You stood, flipped your hood up, and turned away from Venti, “Goodbye, Venti. Tonight was... tonight was fun.”

Venti quickly jumped to his feet and grabbed your hand, “Where are you going?”

It only took a light tug to free your hand from Ventis, “Where I belong.” 

You began the trek home, trying to ignore the feeling of Venti's eyes boring into your back. As you walked, you wiped the tears out of your eyes and pretended you were happy with this.

You were naive, innocent, and gullible. You needed your parents to protect you from this cruel world, freedom was not a right. You needed to be safe, you needed to observe the world from your window. May the wind never blow on your skin again. 

May you never hear children's laughter echoing in the streets, may you never sing along to the story of a drunk, may you never watch the sunrise.

As you reached your family's manor, you didn’t even need to come to the door to be met with your parents' arms. They smothered you with their fear and asked why you left.

“I don’t remember why.” Is the only answer you could muster. 

“Do you see why you are to never leave this house?” Your mom asked, gripping onto your shoulders.

“We’re just trying to protect you.” Your father agreed.

You nodded, “I understand everything.” 

Fate spared no mercy; it didn’t care for your emotions. It didn’t cry as you sat on your bed and watched the sun with hollow eyes.

Fate was cruel. Curiosity was crueler. 

You tried to seek for anger deep inside of you, you hoped to curse the name of the Bard who showed you a taste of freedom. But all you could do was watch the world twirl on without you. 

In Mondstadt, the drunks would simply drink another night away, the children would sing and dance, the Bard would bring smiles to another's face. But it would never be yours.

You spent many days trying to push the memories of freedom out of your head, but every night when your thoughts were your only company you simply couldn’t forget the happiness you felt.

It was on one of these nights when something tapped against your window. You groggily got out of bed, pulled the curtains back, and gasped when you saw aqua eyes.

He motioned for you to open the window, you shook your head and tried to explain that none of the windows open. He leaned back in thought, his body twirling through the air as if it were a pool. After a few moments, he smiled, winked, and disappeared from your view. 

You stood there, blinking, trying to figure out if you were dreaming or not. A few moments passed and the next thing you knew, your door was swinging open. You turned and looked at the Bard who did the unthinkable; got into your home.

“H-How did you...?” You spoke in a harsh whisper.

“Ehe, call it beginners luck.” He walked over to you, a lyre appearing in his hands. “You never did tell me where you were going.”

“What... what are you talking about?” 

“2? 3 weeks ago? I can’t recall, but I had asked where you’re going and you didn’t respond.”

You shook the disbelief away, “Didn’t I say I was going home?”

He looked around the room, “This is what you call home?”

You were conflicted. Home? What was home, really? You lived here, but was it your home?

Venti walked towards you, outstretched his hands, and winked, “Can I take you home?”

Tears filled your eyes. “M-my parents... they’ll be so scared...”

The kindness in his eyes was replaced by sympathy, “You stay here under someone else's fear? That isn’t freedom.”

Anger bubbled in your chest as tears fell down your cheeks, “I know! I know. I...” you took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled, I just want...”

“What do you truly want?”

You turned away from him and sat at your bay window, your voice was no louder than a whisper in a storm yet Venti could hear it clear as day, “I want to hear the birds sing. I want to feel the wind. I want to pick flowers. I want...” you looked at your hands, “I want to be free.” 

He walked over and sat down next to you, “I understand how you feel. Why don’t you come with me, I can help you get your freedom. Or at least, get out of here.”

You pulled your knees up to your chest and hugged them, “I can’t leave my parents here. They... I don’t know. They’re always right. The world is dangerous and scary. I’m just a naive kid, I always need someone to protect me-”

“Alright. That does it.”

“W-What?”

He stood up, brushed his hands on his pants, and smiled, “I’ll protect you. In exchange, you have to experience freedom.”

“When would... no! How would that even work?”

“I can take you out when it’s night, all you’d have to do is close your eyes for a moment. Oh, and get your window to open.” 

“Venti...” You looked up at him.

“Now, stop crying, ehe!” 

And just like that, he was gone. You spent the next few weeks begging your parents to let your window open, and finally, they caved.

They decided to construct a small balcony that you had to open your window to reach. It didn’t take long for construction to end, and after they were pleased with the safety of it, they let you use it. After all, they’d rather you sit in the window than go out on your own again. 

You spent every night on the balcony, waiting to see the boy reappear. And every night he did. He’d grab onto your waist, tell you to close your eyes, and would take you into the city.

As time passed, you grew more and more thankful for the boy. He’d sing you a new song, would show you how to climb the large Barbatos statue, and even spent time teaching you how to shoot a bow. 

You were happy, you were free. You began to learn to trust yourself and your decisions, you didn’t rely on his bow or quick wit, you relied on yourself. So, when Venti said he was going to leave you alone for a moment, you weren’t scared.

Sure, you still wore your nightgowns which were easier more mora than what the entirety of Mondstadt had. You’d never seen a real fight, nothing more dangerous than slimes. Nothing that fought with the intent to kill. And, of course, you didn’t notice the subtle ways Venti kept his promise of protecting you. The way he’d direct you to the other side of the road if he saw someone he didn’t know or the way he’d distract you if he saw a Fatui member walking in your direction. And, the biggest one, he never took you out of the city. 

He knew Mondstadt in and out, every time he left your side he made sure he kept an eye on you. And, yes, he was distracted that day. He forgot the depths of innocence one could have when they were born as a trophy. But, surely, nobody would walk off with a stranger at the promise of a secret. Surely, nobody could tell this complete stranger how deep your family's pockets were lined or where you lived. Surely, anybody could tell why Venti was trying to keep that a secret.

Maybe he was the naive one out of the two of you. Maybe he got so caught up in pretending that he was someone who could protect you, that he forgot what it means to protect. 

While his back was turned, everything collapsed. Was it the stranger's smile? Was it their charming voice? Was it the kindness in their eyes? What about them made you trust them?

Venti could almost remember seeing your hair behind you as you slipped into the crowd. He could almost feel the Cecilia's fall from his fingers. He could almost hear his footsteps pound against the ground as he pushed through the crowd. But when he crossed to the other side, you were gone.

Just like before, nothing ever changes. No matter if he were Barbatos, Venti, or a mere wind spirit. He could never protect the ones he cares about. He could never show them the freedom they longed for as he listened to their wishes.

He didn’t fall to his knees or shed a tear. He let his hands fall to his sides as the memories replayed in his head on loop. 

When your parents woke up, there was a note pinned to their door with a knife. It demanded 50 million mora for your life, delivered under the bridge to Mondstadt. They paid it within hours and when you were given to your parents, they made instant changes. 

Chains attached your ankle to your bed, whatever freedom you had left was ripped from you once again. 

You’d watch the moon from your bedroom every night. You trusted in yourself and where it’d get you? Tied up and being ransomed back to your parents. 

Freedom, you decided, was a lie. Just another fantastical song Venti would twist into something realistic. 

“Venti...” you lied on your bed, curled into a ball as tears soaked your pillow, “I miss you.” 

You missed the wind, you missed his gentle songs, you missed the way your fingers would ache after you’d pull the bowstring back. 

Tap, tap, tap

You sat up and looked at your window, surprised to see Venti smiling at you. You got up and tried to run to the window, but the chain on your ankle stopped you as you were mere inches away. You motioned to the chain on your ankle. He nodded, disappeared from your view, and a few moments later appeared at your room.

“How do you keep doing that?” You laughed, relieved to see the boy.

“Ehe, I’ll never tell.” He walked towards the chain on your bed and looked at it dubiously, “Hmm...”

“Don’t even bother. There’s no way to get it off without the key.”

“And where is the key?”

“I think my Father has it.”

Venti stood upright and winked at you, “My fair maiden of the tower, you will be free within the hour.” 

And just like that, he was gone. You sat for a few minutes in silence, then you heard a loud bang, yelling, laughing, and the sound of someone running up the stairs. You sat on your bed in alarm as Venti barreled into your room and pushed your bookcase in front of the door. On the other side, you heard your Father yelling.

“What did you do?!” You shrieked.

“I got the key!” He beamed, breathing heavily. After a few seconds to catch his breath, he quickly went to the chains around your ankle, unlocked them, and let them fall to the floor. 

“Venti, what are we going to do?” You looked between the window with a who-knows-how-far drop and your door which almost certainly held Venti's demise if your parents got in. 

“Well,” he walked over to your window and threw it open, “We’re going to fly.”

“We’re going to what?!” 

He picked you up by the waist, you gripped onto his shoulders as he stood on the edge of your balcony.

“I’m scared.” You whispered into his ear

“Just close your eyes, we’ve done this before.” He whispered back.

The door to your room burst open, you saw your parents' terrified faces. Venti grabbed his hat, winked, and jumped.

Your eyes stayed open, and you marveled at the beautiful scenery. “Venti...”

“Are you still scared?’

“No, I...” you took a deep breath, “What if they find us?”

“Then I’ll save you over and over again.”

“I... I love you.”

He smiled, “A million ballads wouldn’t get half of the love I feel for you onto paper.”

You looked over at him. Maybe freedom was real. Maybe there was more to life than biased storybooks and hiding. 

The thought elated you, though you did have one last question for yourself.

What will you do with this newfound freedom?

[agathabridgerton]

Bridges and Buffers

AO3 | @today-in-fic | 1,449 words

The airport is loud but the thoughts in Dana’s head drown it out. She hasn’t seen Charlie in three years, since she attended Melissa’s Halloween party and he was in town. Missy isn’t with them anymore; she can’t act as a buffer between them, a bridge. They have to interact on their own now.

Missy and Charlie were always closer, leaving Dana to spend time with Bill, which was akin to spending time with a small replica of their father. Dwelling on the past isn’t going to fix the present, though. Not when Dana can pinpoint Charlie’s shock of red hair from her vantage point on the second floor of the airport, leaning against the railing. Baggage claim is on the first floor, so she takes the escalator down and meets her brother by the entrance to baggage claim.

Dana gives him a tap on the shoulder with a tremulous smile on her lips as he turns around. “Charlie.”

“Dana.” He hugs her, and she replies in kind.

“It’s good to see you,” she says, as if the past twelve years are something other than what they are.

Charlie nods. As long as the next few days don’t go to shit, everything will be alright.

—

Of course, things do go to shit. Dana makes it through her memorial speech without devolving into sobs and hugs Charlie as he makes his way behind Missy’s grave to give his own. Unfortunately, their mother tries to get him alone to talk when the funeral’s over.

“He’s not interested, Mom,” Dana says, one hand on her mother’s forearm.

“He’s my son, Dana. I have the right to talk to him.”

“He’s not interested. Don’t do this.” Both women are in tears. “Let him be.”

“What’s going on here?” Bill comes up and stands next to them, eyes flicking from Dana’s hand on their mother’s arm to his sister’s eyes.

“Nothing, Billy. Dana and I were just having a chat.”

Margaret gazes at Charlie for a moment before she hangs her head and walks away.

“What was that about?” Bill asks, looking over at their brother with mild suspicion. He’s bent down as if they’re going to share secrets between siblings.

“None of your business, Bill,” Dana says, walking around him towards Charlie, who’s been waiting by her car.

The eldest Scully sibling lets out a mirthless laugh and sidesteps her, putting a hand out so that she has to stop. “I think it is my business. I don’t want to be left out of shit that happens in this family again! I have a right to know!”

Dana shakes her head and looks up at her older brother, anger building up inside. “This isn’t about you, Bill!” she eventually exclaims. “You—you always viewed this as a slight against you when it has nothing to fucking do with you! Charlie is who he is and it shouldn’t matter who he loves because what actually matters is family! And—and that is something that, as much as I’ve denied it and hate to admit it, you and Dad and Mom have never truly understood. And for a long time, I didn’t, either. But Missy understood that. She understood that family comes first and that love should be unconditional.”

Bill’s lips are pursed and his eyes look sad, as if he feels regretful, but he doesn’t say anything as he steps away from Dana. She takes a moment to compose herself before heading over to Charlie, head held high. “I want to go to Missy’s place,” he tells her, and she nods, starting the car.

—

Missy’s apartment is barren of all her personal touches now. Dana and Charlie sit on the floor, backs against the couch, and pass a cigarette between them, as well as a bottle of booze. Neither of them bothered to check what it was.

“Can I tell you something, Day?” he starts, blowing out smoke.

“Sure.” Dana takes a swig from the bottle.

“You fucked up.”

To her credit, she doesn’t even look phased. She can’t say she’s surprised that he’s bringing this up. “I know.”

“Well, you continued fucking up, so if you were intending to isolate yourself from your little brother, you sure as hell succeeded.”

Just because she expected it doesn’t mean she’s immune to the sting of Charlie’s words, though.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, trying not to cry. If she cries, it’ll look like she can’t take valid criticism, and their relationship is on the rocks already.

Dana takes the cigarette back and thinks of how Missy stopped dating part of the way through college. She thinks of how Missy cried to an unprepared Dana when they were seventeen and nineteen, respectively, about how she was broken because she didn’t love her boyfriend—or any of the other guys she’d dated. She thinks of the girl in her algebra class with the kind eyes and kissable lips; the guy she sat next to in her  AP Physics class and the notes they passed; the girl she kissed as a freshman in college; and all the girls she’d wanted to kiss but didn’t out of fear.

“Can I tell you something, Charlie?” Dana asks.

“Go for it.”

She takes a drag and blows it out. “I like women,” she says, voice shaking. “I also like men.” She’s ashamed that she’s crying despite her best efforts not to. “I thought there was something wrong with me... And you know how I practically worshipped Daddy...” Dana’s breath hitches as she stares at the wall. “I was scared, Charlie, and I thought, Well, there’s lots of people like you, but I’ve never heard of a person like me.”

He places his hand over hers and takes the cigarette away, putting it out in the tray. “Danes, there’s lots of people like you. I know that you’re gonna say something about knowing that based on statistics but seriously—I know lots of people like you, just like I know lots of people like me, and lots of people who aren’t like either of us. Be proud of who you are. This is D.C.—I’m sure there’s places that’ll appreciate your sexuality, and people who’ll appreciate it, too.”

Dana doesn’t say anything immediately, choosing to lean over and hug Charlie instead. “Thank you.”

“You should visit me in Seattle, meet my fiancé.” He sighs and takes a sip from the bottle. “Missy was so excited when I told her. We’ve got a little pupper named Benjy. You’ll love him. You’ll like Marcus, too.”

She nods, taking the bottle when he passes it to her. “I will. I’ll bunch together some vacation days to take a week off. You can show me around and I’ll tell Marcus embarrassing stories from when we were kids.”

Charlie lets out a chuckle and leans his head on Dana’s shoulder. She leans her head on his and looks out the window at the night sky. “D’you think Daddy’ll accept us up in heaven?” she asks.

“I wouldn’t know. I have my sights set elsewhere.”

“Missy did, too.”

—

She heads into work on Monday feeling hollow now that Charlie’s flown back to Seattle. “Morning, Scully,” Mulder greets. Dana gives him a feeble smile as he vacates his chair with a gesture for her to sit in it. “Boy, do I have a case for us, Scully. We’re going to Kansas tomorrow.”

At her lack of response after she sits down, he drops the cheery act. “Sorry,” she whispers, letting her head fall into her hands. “I don’t—”

“No, it’s fine—”

“My brothers were in town for Missy’s funeral, and...”

“You don’t have to explain. We can stay in town for a while if you’d like.”

“I don’t know...” To Dana’s great shame, she begins to cry. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh, Dana...” Mulder murmurs, brushing his hand through her hair before pulling her into an awkward hug. She sniffles and tries to calm herself down, letting her tears stain her partner’s shirt. “You should take a day off. It’s fine if you need time to process, to—to find yourself again.”

At his words, Dana peels her face away from his shoulder and makes eye contact for a brief moment. Mulder’s gaze is too intense to hold for long, though, so her own skitters away. “I don’t know if I ever knew myself in the first place, Mulder. I’m not the same person I was when I met you.”

He reaches out and tucks her hair behind her ear, tenderly stroking her cheek with his thumb. “And I’m not the man I was when I met you, but that doesn’t mean I lost anything along the way. I’m still a bachelor chasing lights in the sky.”

Dana lets out a watery laugh at that and wipes away her tears. “And I’m still here to make sure you don’t injure yourself along the way,” she tosses back.

“You always are. And, who knows; maybe our sisters are hanging out in the afterlife together. I think they would’ve gotten along nicely.” Mulder shoots her a sad smile and takes her hands in his. “Take some time off. I promise I’ll manage for a few days without you.”

She gives him a small smile and, after a moment of deliberation, leans forward to press a kiss to his forehead. “Thank you, Mulder. I’ll see you in a few days, then.”

They stand up and Mulder steps away so she can walk back to the coat hanger by the door. “Just a few days, Scully,” he repeats, giving her a small wave as she adjusts her coat and leaves the office, bag in hand.

—

Dana sits on her couch, freshly-showered with a glass of wine in one hand and her phone in the other, holding it to her face. Someone answers from the other end and she starts, setting the wine glass down. “Yes, hi! I’m Dana Scully. I’m looking for Nancy Dasilva? No, no, just give her my number, if you could, and tell her that I asked her to call me. Thank you.” The conversation ends, and Dana replaces the phone in its cradle with an exhale, a small smile on her lips.

Missy was right when she told her little sister to loosen up and have fun. It feels liberating to be acting on her feelings after so adamantly repressing them. She just has to hope that they’re reciprocated, now; but Dana can make an educated guess that they are.

[blacknailpolishonguitarstrings]

O Children

Minerva couldn’t sleep. Ever since the war had begun, she had become more and more restless in her sleep, increasingly worrying Poppy. Thus, she did not miss a single second of the sharp, rapid, loud knock on the door of their little cottage that sounded at 4 am on that cold November morning. Tightening the string of her checkered green plaid robe, she walked rapidly down the stairs, leaving the vapour of her cup of tea resting on the window sill to god up the window. The lower floor of the house was plunged deep in darkness, the only light coming from the porch lamp whose glow glittered through the door’s coloured glass panels. Gripping her wand tightly, she unlocked the door.

“Albus!” She gasped. “What type of ice cream did I get at Florean’s in Diagon Alleys on August 22nd, 1975?”

Her wand was pointed right at the centre of his chest omnipresent reminder of the war.

“Raspberry sprinkled with rose petals and lavender-infused chocolate topped with almond brittle,” said the old man tiredly.

He looked weary the twinkle in his blue eyes behind his half-moon spectacles dim, long white hair and beard having lost their silvery shine, clothes dusty. It was almost as if more wrinkles had appeared on his face since the last time she had seen him, rendering his face even grimmer, a gloom look stretching across his features.

“What happened?” She asked tightly. “Who…who died?”

Her friend’s silence was unbearable, hanging heavy in the air, announcing in-pendent doom.

“I can’t remain long, I must go and take care of matters, but I assumed you would wish to be notified among the first…”

“Albus. Who. Died?” She repeated.

He sighed.

“Peter Pettigrew and…James and Lily Potter, all murdered by Sirius Black.”

An icy, unpleasant, terrifying wave of cold flooded her veins, disbelief painted on her face. It wasn’t possible.

“No,” she whispered. “There must have been an error. No. Sirius would never do such a thing to James and Lily. They were his best friends. You are wrong.”

The Headmaster watched her with compassion as she muttered “no” under her breath over and over again, refusing to acknowledge the hard and bitter truth. It felt as if the world was spinning at breakneck speed around her, dizzying her. Everything swam before her eyes, blurring and mixing, a kaleidoscopic slush of colours, and numerous seconds passed before Minerva realised that the thin watery veil clouding her gaze was burning hot, unspilt tears. Her grip on the door handle was so tight her knuckles had turned white.

“When? How?…Why?” She breathed raggedly.

“We don’t know exactly,” started Albus gently. “All we know is that Sirius Black was the Potter’s Secret Keeper, he allegedly betrayed them, which led us to believe he reconnected with his family and worked closely with Voldemort. Peter Pettigrew attempted to warn and save Lily and James, and in a fit of madness, Black blew up the street and killed Pettigrew along with thirteen muggles. He was found in a muggle neighbourhood nearby and has since then been arrested and sentenced to Azkaban for life. It was debated whether or not he should receive the Dementor’s kiss, but the judges decided upon a life sentence at Azkaban. I am still waiting for more information, and I will send you the full Order report as soon as it is ready. Members of the Order are of course working on the case along with the Ministry Aurors.”

She watched him tiredly, still refusing to believe him.

“Now, if you will excuse me, Minerva, I unfortunately still have urgent matters to attend to, I cannot remain any longer. I present you my sincerest condolences for your loss, I know that they were all very dear to you, and excellent students. I myself am still quite disbelieving at the situation.”

She looked at him stonily.

“No, you are not,” she thought, but she only asked:

“And Remus? And harry, James’ and Lily’s child?”

“Mr. Lupin hasn’t returned from his mission yet, as for young Harry…I’ve taken care of it

An uneasy feeling overcame her.

“Albus, what did you do?”

The elderly wizard failed to meet her eye.

“I have left him with his last living relatives, the Dursleys. Petunia Dursley was Lily Evans Potter’s sister—“

“I know that, “ snapped Minerva. “What I do not understand is why you thought this was a viable solution. I have met the Dursleys. They are close-minded, rude, and despicable people. They are not a good family or entourage for Harry to grow up in. Petunia Dursley could barely stomach her own sister, I shudder at the thought of how she will treat her nephew. Neither James nor Lily would have wanted this for their son, Albus, I can’t—“

“It does not matter, Minerva,” he cut her off. “While I appreciate your concerns, the matter is sealed and there is nothing to be done now. I have my reasons, and I hope you will trust me as you have done many times before. I wish you a pleasant evening, or well, rather morning I suppose.”

He turned around, his robes sweeping the floor as he walked away until he was nothing but a mere silhouette amongst the shadows, all semblants of warm, glowing light gone.

“Bastard,” seethed the witch after him, before slamming the door shut.

The shock of wood against wood resonated around her in the darkness. She did not know what to do now, what to say, what to think, what to feel. For the first time in years, Minerva was lost. She stood there, back pressed against the hard door, wand held tightly in her wrinkled hand, dark brown hair streaked with gray tumbling down her shoulders, and felt oddly empty, almost numb, as she looked curiously at the single ray of moonlight piercing through the back windows. The old stairs creaked in the far left corner of the living room, and a trembling golden glow filled the lower floor of the white brick cottage. Poppy appeared behind the sofa, gripping her wand whose tip was alight with a soft shine, wrapped in her midnight blue nightgown. She looked weary and pale in the dim light, almost ghost-like, her quivering lip betraying her inner turmoil. Minerva stared at her blankly, as she approached her.

“Minnie,” whispered her wife, kneeling in front of her, placing a soft hand on her wrinkled cheek.

“That’s what they used to call me, James and Sirius, Minnie, mum…they were the only ones who dared to,” she croaked.

“I know,” said Poppy softly, wrapping her arms around her frail shoulders, hugging her tightly. “They were wonderful children and—“

“He killed them,” interrupted Minerva hoarsely. “He killed them…”

She shivered, whether it was coldness or something else, much darker, buried inside of her, she did not know, but she began trembling violently.

“VOLDEMORT KILLED THEM!” She roared, eyes blazing, face red, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Minerva,” murmured Poppy, chocking on her name, as she held her crying wife in her arms, who shook violently, wracked by uncontrollable sobs.

“He killed them, he killed them, he killed them,” she muttered over and over again, face buried in the crook of Poppy’s neck.

Neither of them had any idea how long they stayed there, on the cold hard floor, leaving against the entrance door of their house. But, soon enough, the morning sun’s first golden rays began filtering through the windows. The sky was beautiful outside, a painted canvas of amber, orange and pink fading into a dark blue in one corner and a clear azure in the other. It was all awfully joyful and pretty, considered the grim circumstances. Exhausted, Poppy got up, and holding Minerva by the elbow, led her to the upholstered burgundy armchair overlooking the small fireplace where coals lay cold and dead amongst the ash. She settled weakly into it, covering herself with a large plaid blanket. She felt nothing, no pain, no sorrow, no joy, nothing. Her mind still hadn’t fully processed the loss, and the first shock of emotions having been evacuated by hours and hours of mourning the dead, she was now empty, hollow.

“Poppy,” she said quietly, taking the small green hand-painted ceramic mug her wife handed her, having come back from the kitchen. “Do you honestly believe, Sirius…”

She stopped, her voice cracking, a shy remnant of the power it used to be.

She took a deep breath in, before trying again.

“Do you think Sirius killed James, Lily, and Peter?” She asked in a small voice,

“Of course not, replied Poppy, taking a sip of her tea. “I don’t believe Sirius would be able to kill someone in the first place, let alone murder his best friends.”

Minerva nodded,

“I do not think so either, but…I don’t know, something is wrong…”

Silence settled in their home, as the birds chirped merrily outside, welcoming the new day with joy and excitement. Suddenly, a loud knock sounded at the kitchen window. Minerva stood up heavily, and leaving her empty teacup on the worktop, she opened it, letting the waiting owl in. Running her hand gently through its glossy tan plumage, she took the newspaper from its claws and slipped five Knuts into the small leather pouch tied at its leg. Big headlines printed in bold black letters glared back at her from the white paper, screaming victory:

“Dark Lord vanquished and gone, for good this time”

“Dark Lord dead: Wizarding Britain celebrates”

“Harry Potter, the young saviour of our world”

She skimmed briefly through the paragraphs, squinting at the fine print, shaking her head slowly.

“Fools,” she thought.

She opened the Daily Prophet to the second page and dropped it in shock when Sirius Black’s desperate face stared back at her from the black and white moving picture. An Auror was restraining him, holding him at wand point, as he desperately attempted to free himself from her iron grip. His face was a mask of pure anguish and misery, as tears ran down his face, his usually lustrous black hair sticking in mangy strands to his skin.

“I’m so sorry.”

He appeared to be mouthing the same three words over and over again.

Above the picture, the headline read:

“Sirius Orion Black: murderer, madman, and traitor��

Facing Poppy who was watching her worriedly, she whispered, voice breaking:

“I must find Remus, now.”

[leejungchans]

— unexpected.

🆕 ask juliet anything!! | juliet’s masterlist

word count: 2.1k

warning(s): mentions of self-doubt, insecurities and intrusive thoughts; someone says some pretty harsh words to juliet here but nothing extreme

disclaimer: please keep in mind that the trainer mentioned in this is a completely fictional character hence why his name is never mentioned!!

set in june 2019; a few days after ateez’s first win for wave

summary: in which the boys help juliet when she gets a message from someone who she never expected, nor wants, to see again.

a/n: putting juliet in a bit of Pain™️ here 😔 as always, you are always welcome to leave feedback or chat with me!! 💕💕

As Seonghwa clears away the dishes after dinner, he notices Juliet curled up on the sofa with her phone in hand. Normally, he wouldn’t think much of it, given the other members are doing the same as they lounge around the living room. But one look at the maknae’s grave expression tells him that something is wrong.

Jongho, who’s been helping Seonghwa take the plates into the kitchen, catches him staring and follows his gaze. The two silently watch as Juliet types something on her phone before furiously tapping on the screen to delete whatever she wrote with a frustrated sigh, her long acrylic nails creating a crisp tapping noise. This draws the attention of the other six boys as they all turn to look at her with concern, though she doesn’t seem to notice from being so focused on her phone.

“Minyoungie, is everything okay?” Hongjoong finally asks, sitting up from his spot on the ground.

“Hm? Oh, yeah. I’m fine, don’t worry,” she reassures with a stiff smile, but it’s evident that something is clearly bothering her.

The leader gets up to sit next to her on the couch. “Do you want to talk about it? Or do you want some time to yourself first?”

Juliet contemplates his question for a few seconds before speaking again. “It’s nothing serious, I guess,” she admits, “but one of my former trainers at SM messaged me just before dinner asking me to meet up with him, and I don’t know how to respond.”

“Oh,” Hongjoong says. The mention of her former company causes the others to pay full attention to their conversation, knowing how unpleasant her experiences with a few of her former trainers were though she never talked about such incidents in detail. “Do you want to, though?”

“No,” Juliet responds immediately, expression turning cold. “Not now, probably not ever.”

“What happened with him?” Wooyoung asks before quickly adding, “you don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to.”

Juliet sighs, stuffing her phone into the pocket of her hoodie before hugging her knees to her chest. “No, no. I think it’s about time I told you guys what happened exactly, I guess I never did because it felt like there was never a right time to bring him up, and also because it feels stupid to talk about it when I haven’t seen him in years, and have no intention of changing that.”

Wooyoung pats her knee comfortingly. “Tell us however much you’re okay with,” he says with a gentle smile, “you don’t have to go into full detail if you don’t want to.”

Juliet pants heavily when the music stops, crouching down to catch her breath desperately while cursing the horrible cold she’s been dealing with for the past few days.

She just knows everyone noticed how her movements have gotten more sluggish with every time they go over the dance, and the humiliation sears through her body like a raging fire.

Someone—she can’t see who and is too dizzy to even turn her head in that direction to check—comes up from behind to rub her back soothingly as her chest continues to heave from exhaustion.

“Five minutes,” the gruff voice of their dance trainer says, and the group of girls instantly scramble to where their water bottles are lined up neatly against the wall. “Baek Minyoung, not you.”

At the sound of her name, Juliet looks up to see the man crooking a finger, motioning for her to walk over to where he is in a secluded corner of the practice room. Shakily, she stands up as the other girls murmur quiet encouragements, though they quickly leave her side from the glare the man sends towards them.

Juliet knows that no amount of mental preparation is enough when it comes to this particular trainer, and it makes her heart sink deeper and deeper with every step she takes towards him.

Her head is bowed when he starts speaking, not daring to look into his flaring eyes. “What’s wrong with you?” the man wastes no time in asking accusingly. “Did you think I wouldn’t notice how terrible your dancing has gotten these few days? Do you think slackers have a place here? You looked like a dying slug out there.”

“No, Sir. I’m sorry. I’m not trying to slack off, I have a cold, which is why—”

“I’m not interested in hearing your excuses,” he cuts her off icily. “Do you know what idols do when they get sick? They keep pushing. And that’s the complete opposite of what you’re doing.”

“I understand. I’m really sorry. I will do better,” Juliet replies softly, voice barely above a whisper, hoping that he’ll let her off easy.

But today is not her lucky day. The sound of a dry chuckle sends chills down her spine.

“Do you want to know something?” She doesn’t. In fact, she dreads knowing. But something tells her she doesn’t have the luxury of choosing, so she continues to keep her head down and tries to zero in on her shoes to hold back her tears.

She can feel the weight of everyone’s stares on her back, and she wants nothing more than to disappear into thin air.

“There were discussions about adding you to Red Velvet along with Yeri. A few people thought you were too young, others saw potential in you,” the trainer sneers. “Personally, I don’t see any of that, and I’m glad that they ultimately did not debut you, because all I see is an ungrateful, lazy brat.”

Juliet bites down harder on the inside of her cheeks to keep the tears at bay, and it doesn’t take long for her to taste iron.

“You better go back there and get your crap sorted out. Because if I see you not being up to par with the others again, I will not hesitate to go to the higher-ups with this, then you can kiss your future in this industry goodbye. Am I clear?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Look at me when you answer.”

Juliet swears she’s never seen so much hatred and disdain in someone’s eyes until the moment their eyes meet. And it takes everything in her not to burst into tears as she repeats her response in a trembling voice.

The man scoffs, dismissing her with a wave of his hand as though batting away an insect before clapping his hands together to gain the others’ attention.

“Break’s over! Let’s hope some of you actually know what you’re doing this time,” he says scornfully, blissfully ignorant of the fact that every word he said feels like another stab to her heart.

When Juliet looks up at her reflection in the mirror, she barely recognised herself from how hollow and empty her gaze looks, a far cry from the girl who started her journey as a trainee with starry eyes and a fiery passion.

What had she become? is the last thought that comes to mind before the music starts again, and she can only hope that she can make it through the rest of the session without making a mistake or collapsing.

“So... that’s basically what happened,” Juliet chokes out, leaning her head back as she blinks back tears. To be honest, she had to give herself credit for getting through that story without crying, knowing that that incident in particular instilled a new, and much more profound, sense of fear and self-doubt within her. “You can now probably see why I don’t want to meet with him.”

San comes to sit on the armrest of the couch so he can wrap his arms around the girl. “I’m so sorry that happened, but I��m glad you’re not in that situation anymore.”

“Yeah, me too,” Juliet chuckles bitterly, still not meeting any of the boys’ eyes by looking down at her hands. “I don’t think I’ve been the same since then. I mean, not that it’s completely his fault because there were so many contributing factors, but... I’ve never looked at myself so negatively until that day... it suddenly felt like I was the only person who couldn’t see how utterly worthless I was... I don’t know.”

“But what did he text you?” Despite the anger he feels for this man for hurting her in such a way, Seonghwa still manages to stay levelheaded.

Juliet takes her phone out to reread the message. “He said he was watching M Countdown a few days ago and recognised me when we got our first win. He congratulated me and apologised for everything he said to me when I was at SM. Then he asked me if I wanted to meet with him for lunch.”

“But how did he get your number?” Yeosang wonders out loud, frowning deeply. “That’s kinda creepy.”

The girl shrugs. “Who knows? I don’t know what he’s up to now, but he likely still has contacts in the industry and asked around for my number.”

Wooyoung scoffs. “The fact that he only reached out now shows he’s probably not that apologetic, since he’s the one who implied he remembers everything he’s said to you. If he really felt guilty, he would’ve made use of those contacts of his to reach out to you to apologise a lot earlier.”

“That’s what I thought,” Juliet agrees. “The fact that he texted me right after our first win doesn’t seem like a coincidence.”

Mingi huffs. “Maybe just tell him to get lost or something. He’s not worth the time.”

“If she isn’t an idol, she can cuss him out all she wants. But if like you said,” Hongjoong muses thoughtfully, turning back to Juliet, “and he’s either still in the industry or has contacts, then you can’t be too rude to him in case he tries to use it against you to paint you as some villain. You know how some people are.”

The others nod defeatedly. He has a point.

“Then... what do we do? We can’t let her go meet with him,” San says, his arms subconsciously holding Juliet a little tighter protectively.

“Of course not,” the leader assures, “I think the best course of action is to thank him for congratulating you, accept his apology—even if you don’t really want to, it can just be for show—and politely decline his invitation because your schedule is full.”

Juliet hesitates. “But what if he says that I’m lying to get out of it?”

“I mean, it’s not really a lie,” Yunho points out. “Our tour is coming up soon and we’re gonna be busy practising for it, so it really is the truth that you don’t have the time to see him. Plus, you don’t owe him anything, who cares if he thinks you’re lying or not?”

Juliet nods slowly, fingers hovering over the keyboard as she tries to think of a response, but her mind is so overwhelmed from the sudden message and the memories that nothing comes up.

“Do you want me to help you type it?” Seonghwa asks tenderly after a while of watching her struggle to formulate anything.

“Yes, please,” Juliet says immediately, visibly relieved as she pushes her phone into Seonghwa’s hand. The oldest member cocks his head to the side while he thinks before typing something down.

A few moments later, he hands her back her phone. “Here. If you’re okay with this, then you can send it to him.”

The other boys crowd around Juliet so they can all read the message Seonghwa typed out. When done, she looks up at Hongjoong for confirmation.

“It’s good, I think,” he says approvingly. “It’s short and concise, polite but not too friendly or curt so there’s no way it can be taken out of context in case it somehow gets leaked.”

Juliet nods, pressing on the “send” button with bated breath. The moment she sends the message, she feels as though a huge weight has been lifted off her, having spent the whole time during dinner silently stressing over how she should respond to the point where she could barely get down her food.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” she says, leaping off the sofa to throw her arms around Seonghwa’s neck. “I wouldn’t know what to do if it wasn’t for you guys. I actually contemplated pretending he had the wrong number or even meeting with him once so he’d leave me alone after that,” she admits, “but I’m glad you stepped in before I did either of those things.”

“And I’m glad you told us about this so we could work through it together,” Seonghwa smiles, stroking the girl’s head. “You don’t have to struggle with these things alone.”

“Now that we took care of that jerk, I think we should order chicken to celebrate!”

Seonghwa looks at the younger boy in disbelief. “Yeosang, we literally just had dinner!”

Juliet laughs. “It’s okay, there’s always room for chicken! Besides, I’m paying this time as a thank you!”

“In that case, who am I to complain?”

a/n: that incident was a pretty huge turning point for juliet in terms of her mental health. she already doesn’t feel confident in herself as most trainees are, but to hear from someone directly that she didn’t get to debut because she was apparently all those horrible things made a lasting impact on her, and since then she’s felt even more horrible about herself :( but she’s gotten a lot better at managing those feelings now and of course she has the support of the boys!!

[wefoundloveunderthelight]

Mystery Of Pixie Hollow by GleefullyCaptainSwan

Chapter 1/11

Read on AO3: | Chapter 1

Or on FF

Stacy's Tortured Crew: @teamhook @kmomof4 @stahlop @lfh1226-linda @ilovemesomekillianjones @itsfabianadocarmo @mariakov81 @qualitycoffeethings @zaharadessert @jrob64 @jonesfandomfanatic @natascha-ronin @tiganasummertree @xarandomdreamx @therooksshiningknight @batana54 @superchocovian @onceratheart18 @ultraluckycatnd @snowbellewells @karlyfr13s @the-darkdragonfly @xsajx @deckerstarblanche @jonesfandomfanatic

Chapter 1: Neverland

Emma stood at the register, a pile of coins and dollar bills sitting in front of her as she began counting her tips. She had been working nonstop for the last three weeks to save every dime she earned in order to take Henry on a special treat for his birthday. He had seen the flyer in the window of the diner after school one day, immediately calling the carnival to her attention. A traveling amusement park themed to the story of Peter Pan was visiting their town. Henry hadn’t stopped asking questions about it since.

Do fairies really exist?

Can Peter Pan actually fly?

If I really believe do you think I can fly when I’m there too?

With his birthday approaching, Emma knew the best birthday gift she could give him was a trip to the park when it came to town. It was only visiting for three days, and Henry had been completely gutted when they fell on Emma’s weekend at the diner. He had been putting on his best face when she got home from work, her feet tired from standing all day, reciting to her his day, and trying to pretend that he wasn’t disappointed after sitting all day listening to the sounds of the park lofting through his window.

She could barely contain her secret last night when she tucked him into bed, and he told her that he got to spend the day watching Peter Pan skip through the park and it was just as good as being there.

Henry was such a sweet boy, he never asked for things he knew he couldn’t have. He knew that money was tight for them. Emma had been on her own ever since she gave birth to the boy, his father was long out of the picture before he was even born. It wasn’t that the boy was ever without something important, Emma made sure that she saved her money to spend it on things he needed, and when she couldn’t afford it, her best friend, Will Scarlet always pitched in to help her out.

Which was what had happened with Henry’s birthday gift this year. Emma had saved almost enough for the admission price but knew that Henry would want tickets to ride the rides and play a few games, and of course Will tossed some money into the pot, so that the three of them could enjoy the last day of the park together.

“Did you save enough?” She turned to see her boss Mrs. Lucas approach her from the kitchen.

“I made $25 bucks today, I should be able to get him some dinner while we are there.” She said with a smile.

“Get him something from me too while you’re there.” She responded as she held out her hand, a white envelope in her palm. “It’s his birthday after all.”

Emma tentatively took the envelope, lifting the top to see a crisp $20 bill tucked inside. “Gran, you didn’t have to do that.”

“I know, but it’s his birthday, just be sure to tell him it’s from Gran.” She reached out and hugged the woman, a smile growing on her face. The bell above the door made a sound and they both turned to see the customer walk into the diner. “Get out of here, you’re off the clock.”

Emma looked at her watch. “I still have ten minutes left in my shift.”

The woman shook her head and pulled out her notepad to assist the man who sat down at the counter. “Clock must be slow.” She said with a grin. “Get out of here. Take that boy of yours on an adventure.”

“Thank you, see you tomorrow.” She hollered back as she ran out the door to her yellow bug parked outside the diner. She couldn’t wait to get home and tell Henry they were going to Pixie Hollow.

When she opened the door to her apartment, Henry was running circles around the couch as Will chased him through the living room. “You can’t get away from me, mate.”

“You’re too old to catch me.” Henry hollered and Will stopped in his tracks and grabbed his chest.

“Oi, that was quite rude.” He said in a feigned outrage. “I’m not that old.”

Emma laughed and they both turned toward her. “Mom!” Henry ran and wrapped his arms around her waist.

“The lad is being hurtful on his birthday.” Will scoffed.

“Tell your Uncle Will that you’re sorry for calling him old.” She leaned over and whispered. “But say it loudly because his hearing isn’t what it used to be.” Henry fell to the ground in a fit of giggles.

“You know he gets his mean spirted nature from you, right?” Will complained.

“We love you.” She teased as she ran her hand through his short locks and pinched his cheek. She turned and faced Henry.

“Why are you home? I thought you had to work tonight.”

“I wanted to surprise you!” She grinned. “Thought maybe we could go see this Peter Pan you keep talking about.”

Henry’s face brightened. “Seriously? Oh my God.” He squealed “You mean it?”

“Happy birthday, baby.” She smiled. The boy launched himself into her arms. “Ok we gotta get ready to go, get your jacket in case it gets cold after the sun goes down.”

Henry disappeared in a fury to his room to collect his jacket, just as Will’s phone rang.

“Don’t answer it.” Emma protested as he held up the phone and Will groaned.

“It’s work, I can’t ignore it.” Emma groaned as he greeted his boss, a chorus of “Yes, sir” “I know, sir” “Of course, sir.” Carried through the room.

“Yes but I was planning to…” He frowned. “I understand, of course, I’ll be there as soon as I can.” He said sadly. Henry came bounding into the room as he disconnected the call.

“You’re going in to work now?” Emma complained.

“I’m sorry Em, it can’t be helped. They had some sort of emergency, and they need me there right away.”

“So, we aren’t going?” Henry said sadly, looking up between them. Will hesitated, staring between the two. Emma knew he wouldn’t disappoint Henry if it couldn’t be helped.

“I’m sorry lad, I don’t have a choice.”

“We’re still going Henry.” Emma announced.

“Emmie, you can’t go alone.” Will began to protest.

Emma rolled her eyes. “Stop it, I’m an adult. I don’t need you to babysit me everywhere we go.”

“I’m not there to babysit you, I just don’t like it when you and Henry are out late at night without someone else with you.”

“Without a man with me, you mean. I don’t know if you realize this yet, but I don’t need a man, I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

“Are you sure you two will be alright?”

Emma chuckled. “I think I can handle a carnival for children on my own.”

“Alright, but text me when you get there, and again when you get home.”

“Ok dad.” She teased and he slapped her playfully on the arm.

“Happy birthday, Bub.” He picked the boy off the ground and squeezed him. “Don’t have too much fun without me.”

“That’s impossible.” The boy replied.

“Did I tell you that you’re my favorite six-year-old out of all the six-year-old kids out there?”

“But I just turned six. You don’t even know all the six-year-old kids.” Henry wined with a playful smile.

“I don’t have to because you’re still my favorite.”

“You said that when I was five.”

“And I’ll say it when you’re seven or fifteen.” Will said as he sat the boy back on the ground.

“I love you, Uncle Will.”

“Love you too Bub.” He raised his hand, and they exchanged their ridiculous handshake that they had made up when Henry had turned four.

Two taps, spin around, tap down low, shake your booty, tap up high.

It was ridiculous and heartwarming and a reminder of how lucky she was to have such an amazing best friend. Even when she showed up on his doorstep, a positive pregnancy test in her hand, tears streaming down her face, Will simply pulled her into his arms and promised he would always be there for her. Over the years he had been her shoulder to cry on, her Lamaze coach, her sounding board, and her support system. Even with the one drunken misstep that neither of them ever spoke of again, there wasn’t anyone that Emma relied on more than Will.

“Ok I’m off, have fun tonight.” He smiled and left through the front door. As soon as the door closed Henry jumped up and down in front of her.

“Can we go now?” Emma chuckled and pushed him toward the door.

“Of course, let’s go.”

“You have to say it mom.”

“Say what?” She asked, confused on what he was meaning.

“Second star to the right.” He began excitedly.

“And straight on til morning.” She continued as they closed the door to the apartment and made their way to the park across the street. The lights shone bright into the sky with all the rides and attractions that had their own music playing all around them as soon as they entered the park.

Henry could barely contain his excitement as he bounced about from ride to ride. More than once Emma had to remind him to stay close by, not to get too far ahead of her, but the boy was hard to be contained.

“Mom, look, it’s a house of mirrors, can we go, can we go?” He jumped up and down in front of her.

“Ok, but don’t get too far ahead of me.” Emma laughed as he handed his ticket to the man at the front of the attraction. She didn’t like the way the man glared in her direction, there was something about him that made her uncomfortable in a way that caused the hair on the back of her neck to stand on end. Henry ran ahead into the building and Emma yelled for him to wait as the man seemed to take an extra-long time to allow her to enter behind her son.

When he finally raised the gate, she ran toward the fun house, entering the building and exhaling when she saw Henry standing at the corner waiting for her. “Come on mom, this is so cool.”

“It’s very cool.” Emma replied, looking around the disorienting room. The mirrors at all angles making it appear that Henry was in more than one place in front of her.

“You could get lost in here for days.” He joked as he stepped into the room, his arms outstretched in front of him to avoid running into anything.

“Let’s try and avoid getting lost, I’m starting to get hungry.” She joked.

“Come on mom, I bet you can’t find which one is really me.” Henry yelled, rushing forward, and turning a corner until she couldn’t see him anymore.

“Don’t get too far ahead of me.” She warned, turning the corner he was just at and seeing three versions of him in front of her. “Ok which one is my Henry?” She questioned as she stepped forward, her hand coming into contact with a mirror. She then touched the one next to her but that was a mirror as well.

“I’m right here.” Her son mimicked, before running around the corner again.

“You’re too good at this.” She chuckled, turning, and chasing after him until she ran into one of the glass mirrors. She really hated this attraction. “Ok Henry, I’m really getting hungry. Which way did you go?”

“I’m over here.” She heard him toward her left and she turned to stumble in that direction as she caught a glimpse of him just as she turned the corner.

“Henry, can you just stay in one place until I get to you.” Her tone was starting to sound agitated as she felt her way through the glass around her, dipping in and out of the crevices until she reached a dead end.

“Henry, where are you?” She yelled.

“Mom.” She heard him shout and then it got quiet.

“Henry?” She hollered toward the last place she heard his voice. She felt her way through the attraction until she heard music and felt the breeze of the outside, stepping through the small doorway, she found herself on the other side from where they entered. She looked around for Henry, but only saw other children, families standing around the exit area.

“Did you see a little boy come out of here?”

“I’ve seen a lot of little boys.” The guy grumbled and wandered away from her.

“Henry, where are you?” She yelled, trying to control her voice as the terror started to race in her heart. “Henry?” She ran toward the entrance and the man who took her ticket. “Where is my son, did he come back out this way?”

The man frowned, “No one comes back out the front ma’am. Did you check the exit?”

“Of course, I checked the exit, you idiot, how else did I get out here!” She yelled and he turned to take a ticket from another family.

“I need you to find my son.” She grabbed at the lapel of his jacket and turned him back toward her.

“Hands off lady.” The man warned. “I’ll get my manager.”

“Good, get your manager. I need to find my son.”

The family tried to push past her, and Emma stood in front of them, blocking the exit. “My son got lost in there.”

“It’s not my problem that you can’t keep an eye on your boy, get out of my daughter’s way.” The man pushed around her, leading his daughter into the entrance of the attraction.

Emma ran after them, and the ticket idiot was on her heels. “You can’t go in there without another ticket.”

Emma shoved his hands off her, “Get off me, I’m going in there until I find my son.” She screamed, wandering back into the fun house, her heart racing as she turned in every direction screaming her son’s name. “Henry, where are you?” She yelled, pushing forward through the maze. There was no response except for the grumbling of the people in front of her who she continued to push aside in her quest to find her son.

When she reached the exit again she immediately screamed his name, grabbing at random strangers to ask if they had seen her son, a photo of him pulled up on her phone. Suddenly she was grabbed from behind and she turned quickly to see the ticket asshole with a man. “You can’t go around grabbing our customers.” The man sternly growled at her.

“My son is missing. He went in the hall of mirrors, and he didn’t come out.”

“That’s impossible. There is only one way in and one way out. He must have come out; you’ve just lost him.”

“I didn’t lose him.” She cried. “Don’t you have something you can do. Call the cops, make an announcement, just find my son.”

“Of course, I’m Felix. I’m the assistant manager. Let me make a few calls.” He said with a grin that certainly didn’t set her at ease. There was something off about the man, something menacing and scary, and Emma just wanted to get her son and get the hell away from all of them. “Come with me.” He didn’t ask but tugged at her elbow. “Nothing to see here, she just lost her child.” He announced to the people who had suddenly taken an interest in the commotion.

Emma was too concerned about her child to admonish the bystanders for gawking at her, their looks of contention and disappointment apparent on their faces as if they just watched an irresponsible parent simply leave their child by the side of the road instead of the fact that her son vanished without a trace.

“Ok ma’am can you explain to me what you think happened to your son?” The man closed the door to the trailer and gestured for her to take a seat in the dingy office.

“What I know” she paused, “was that my son and I went into the Hall of Mirrors and when I got to the exit, he wasn’t there.”

“Do you normally let your son run off without you?”

“Excuse me?” She stood up from her seat. “He did not run off without me, he was playing in the goddamn funhouse with me in the room.”

“Yes ma’am so you said, however if he was simply playing with you, then you would know where he was, isn’t that correct?”

Emma was done with this man’s treatment of her, she was done with people not ripping that god forsaken fun house to the ground until they came upon her little boy. She pushed her way past the man and shoved the door open, ignoring his plea for her to stay put. As soon as she stepped out of the trailer, two men approached her.

“Are you the woman who lost her son?”

Emma recognized their badges and the names on them from the Sherriff’s station. “Thank God you are here, these idiots won’t do anything to find my son.”

“I’m officer Nolan, and this is officer Locksley, can you tell me what happened?”

Emma took a deep breath, “My son, Henry, he just turned 6, it’s his birthday today.” Tears started to fall down her cheeks. “We went into the Hall of Mirrors, he was playing hide and seek and trying to get me to find him, but then he called out for me, and I couldn’t find him anymore. When I got to the exit, he wasn’t there, and no one can tell me where he is.”

“So, he wasn’t with you in the Hall of Mirrors?”

“Did you just hear me? I told you we went in together. He was only a few feet in front of me, it’s not like I let my fucking kid just run around alone.”

The man held up his hand. “Alright ma’am, there is no need to get upset.”

“No need to get upset.” She stated, shocked at the audacity this man had standing in front of her like everything was normal that was happening to her. “I lost my son. My baby is out there somewhere, and no one will fucking help me.”

Officer Nolan stepped forward and took her by the elbow. “Ma’am, if you keep cursing in front of the children here, we are going to have to take you down to the station to discuss this matter.”

“Matter!” She yelled. “My son is missing; I don’t give a fuck what you think about my goddamn cursing. Find my son!”

“Is it possible that he simply ran away?” The other man asked.

“Ran away? Why would you even think he would run away?”

“Is his father here with you?”

“Why does that matter?”

“I’m simply asking if the boy could be with his father.”

Emma shook her head. “No, his father isn’t around. He’s most definitely not with that asshole.”

“So, the situation with the father, it’s contentious then?”

Emma couldn’t believe the crap she was hearing. “This has nothing to do with his father. He’s lost, he’s probably scared and all you can do is sit here and ask me stupid questions that aren’t doing anything to find him.”

The men looked at each other and nodded, Officer Locksley stepped into the trailer and shut the door behind him. “My partner is just going to talk to the manager and find out if they know anything else.”

“He’s the assistant manager and he knows jack shit.” She said as she rolled her eyes.

The door to the trailer opened and he gestured for his partner to join him. They whispered at the door for a moment and then returned in front of her, closing their notebooks. “Ma’am, I’m going to give you my business card, we can’t do anything about a runaway until after 24 hours. If he still hasn’t come home by then, give us a call.”

“I already fucking told you he’s not a goddamn runaway.”

“Ok ma’am, we’re going to have to take you down to the station if you can’t control yourself.” She felt their hands on her arms and she pulled away from them, holding her hands in the air.

“I’m not going anywhere with you.”

“Well, you can’t stay here.” He announced, looking back at the ridiculous assistant manager who was glaring at her.

“So, I’m supposed to just leave my kid?”

“Most times, they show up in the morning, a little scared, hungry, and apologetic for causing a scare. Go home and get some sleep, they usually show back up at home.”

Emma couldn’t believe this was happening, that she was just supposed to go home and leave Henry out here, lost. She looked toward the fun house, wanting to make a run back to it, wanting to search frantically for anything she could find, but she knew he wasn’t there. Something had happened to Henry.

“Ma’am. We need you to leave or come with us.” They stepped toward her, and Emma backed up from her spot. She surveyed the crowd and then paused.

“I’m going.” She announced, turning on her heels and storming toward the exit. When she got to her house she climbed the stairs, screaming her son’s name, hoping he would answer and explain that he got lost and simply went home, but the house was still, dark, and ominously quiet. She went into Henry’s room and pulled open the curtains, the lights from the fair spilling into the window. She pulled the chair over to the wall and sat down, staring at the scene in front of her. She would wait there until she found him, until he made his way back to the house.

Looking down at her phone, she sent another text to Will asking him to call her immediately. Pulling a blanket around her she sat and waited.

Henry, where are you?

~*~

Henry woke with a start, a painful beating in his head. He reached up and winced at the swollen knot on the back of his skull. He looked around in the dark, trying to figure out where he was. Just moments ago he was in the Hall of Mirrors with his mom, they were playing a game. He remembered seeing her, just a few feet away and then his back hit something solid and then it moved. Arms reached out and grabbed him and then everything went black.

He felt around on the ground below him, dirt digging into his fingernails. There was a small light coming in from a tiny opening up high in the room. He groaned as he tried to sit up.

“Don’t sit up too quickly, I’m sure you’re dizzy.”

He jumped at the sound of a female in the room. “Who’s there?”

A face came into view, the light streaming into the dark onto her golden hair. “It’s ok, just give it a minute. You can see in the dark after you get used to it.”

“My head hurts.” He groaned.

“It will only hurt for a couple of days. Then it will go away.” The girl moved closer to him, sitting down next to him.

“What do you want with me?”

“I’m a friend, I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Where are we?”

“Underground. I don’t know really. We move around a lot.”

“Who’s we?”

“Pan’s crew.” The girl said softly, and Henry almost started laughing.

“As in Peter Pan? I must be dreaming. That’s what’s going on. This is a nightmare.”

“I wish it were, but sadly this is real. What’s your name?”

Henry peered at the girl in front of him. “I’m Henry.” Suddenly the shadows moved behind her and he pushed back against the wall.

“Don’t be afraid, they won’t hurt you.”

Henry stared at the faces of the children staring back at him. “Who are you people?”

“We’re the lost ones. Just like you.” She said sadly.

[omniscientoranges]

Get the Words Out

Dean tells Cas about John Winchester’s A+ Parenting, a boy, a crappy motel room, and the one thing he wants.

Trigger Warning - Homophobia (both internalized and said out loud)

1.9k words

[ao3]

(this is somewhat inspired by all the john’s journal posting that is like, sending me)

It's after. After all of it. After the empty, after the tearful hugs, after relieved hellos, after words still left unsaid, after the goodnights and I'll see you in the mornings. Just, after. It's only Dean and Cas sitting at the bunker's kitchen table now, and Cas gets up to walk to his room without a word (because he thinks he's been playing it off pretty well but really he's scared out of his mind to be alone with Dean, scared for the other shoe to drop). Dean gets up too, and Cas' heart flips when he realizes Dean is following him down the hallway. 

"Hey, hey, Cas, wait. Hold on a second," Dean asks, reaching out to pull on Cas' arm to get him to turn, but his hand stops short and only hovers. Somehow, that stings more than anything, the almost contact. Cas puts on a brave face and turns to Dean regardless. 

"Yes, what do you want, Dean?" 

Dean looks conflicted, then sighs and opens the door to his room (when did they get so far down the hallway?) and moves to sit down on the edge of his bed. 

"Cas could you uh, could you come here?" Dean pats the space on the bed next to him and gives Cas a tight smile. Cas looks wary, but he still trusts Dean with anything, everything, so he closes the door behind him and sits. 

"I gotta tell you something, okay? And it might, it might not be exactly what you're expecting to hear but it's-" Dean cuts himself off and looks down at his shoes. "I gotta say it first, before I can say anything else, alright? I just, I gotta tell you this first." 

Cas nods easily and fixes his eyes on Dean's face, "Alright, I'm listening." 

Dean nods once, short, and starts, "One time, um, dad dumped us- me and Sam- in Connecticut for a few months. I think Sammy was maybe, I dunno, twelve? And we stayed at this hotel with a heater that kept breaking down and a bad lock on the door." 

Cas nods again and gets a painfully soft look in his eyes that Dean can't look at, not quite yet. Cas wants to ask what does a crappy hotel room in Connecticut have to do with anything, Dean? But he sees the fraught expression Dean's wearing and decides that, whatever it is, Dean's got a damn good reason to make the connection. So, like he said he would, Cas listens. 

"Right and uh," Dean swallows hard, keeps his eyes trained on the floor, swallows again, and says, "There was this guy I knew that came around the room sometimes. He- you know I, I don't even remember his name." Dean huffs out a laugh over the lump in his throat to try and break the tension, but it just ends up making the tears he's been holding back for so, so long inch closer to the edge of his eyes. 

"But he had- he had this really cool car. I think it was a 71' Challenger. Bright red, fast as anything. But I'm kinda gettin' ahead of myself,'' Dean looks up from the floor and straight at the wall, but he isn't looking at the wall, not really. He's remembering a car, and a boy, and distantly, the worst night of his life. Gettin' ahead of myself again, where was I? Right. 

"Before that, when we got to school there the first day, I walked into whatever class I was stuck in at 8am and sat in the back because, ya know, we never hung around long so I didn't plan on learning much anyways. Didn't plan on making any friends either but, well," Dean actually smiles a bit at this. This part of the memory is fonder, afterall. "So I'm leaned back in my chair with my feet propped up on the desk getting the stink eye from the teacher already and this guy next to me he just, he just says hi to me, and he introduces himself and for some reason, I dunno I just- I just start talking to him. And he was nice and funny as hell so I decided 'yeah, yeah maybe I can have a friend. Just this once.'" Dean shakes his head, and Cas knows that's the head shake that means you idiot, what were you thinking, don't you know you don't ever get nice things? 

"So he started coming around the room, right? And usually we'd just sit and watch old westerns or whatever crap was on public access and bitch about school or life or something, but um, one night-" Dean stops looking anywhere, and closes his eyes before he continues. "One night, Sam was at the library I think, doing nerd stuff and, and the guy was over and we just- we were just sitting at the end of the bed watching tv. And then he-" Dean screws his eyes shut tighter and hot tears spill out of the corners, "He just- he just leans over and kisses me. And it takes me a second and then I just, I push him off of me and I say 'what the hell do you think you're doing, you know I'm not that kinda guy I don't swing that way,' just all the- all the usual crap. And we just look at each other for a second before he pulls me in and kisses me again and I-" Dean balls his fists in the rough fabric of his jeans and doesn't even try to stop crying, doesn't think he could stop crying at this point. He takes a sharp, deep breath in because he knows the next few words are going to knock all the air out of his lungs. 

"Cas, I- I kissed him back. I kissed him back because I wanted to, because I wanted to kiss him and I didn't care that he wasn't a girl, it didn't matter, I don't think it ever mattered. And then he starts to take off my shirt and then, well, you can probably uh, see where that leads. But- but the thing is that, it didn't lead there because-" Dean chokes down a harsh sob because he has to say it he has to get the words out because it feels like if he doesn't they'll rip through his chest like knives or like claws or like bullets. As it were, the next words weren't sharp or jagged, they were hollow and whispered, "He wasn't supposed to come back that night. He was supposed to be gone another week on a hunt he- he wasn't supposed to come back." 

Cas feels his blood run cold in a way it never quite had before, but it feels all too familiar just the same. 

Dean, eyes half open through the tears, keeps talking, "And he walked in and he was so, Cas, he was so mad you- I'd never seen him so mad before. And he wasn't, um, he wasn't scream and throw things and throw you mad, he was ice cold, dead silent mad. And the guy knew what was happening so he got his clothes and he left right away and when the door closed dad he- he just looked at me. And I'd never seen him look at me like that like he-" Dean finally lets a broken sob dig it's way out of his throat as he feels the tears from his face drip onto his forearms, "He looked so disgusted with me, like he was disgusted that I was his son. And he stared me dead in eye and said- he said 'boy, I ain't- I ain't gonna-" Dean brings his tear christened forearm up to his eyes to wipe away fresh tears, and he's almost too distraught to speak now, but he has to finish the sentence. Needs to, because he's never told anyone this, never wants to again, so he has to say it all now. 

"He looks at me and he says 'boy, I ain't gonna raise no queer son. You understand me?' and I said,'' Dean's posture straightens a bit, an echo from that moment, "'yes, sir, I understand' and he nodded at me and walked out of the room." Cas wants to reach out to comfort him, to fix something for him for once, but he knows this is a hurt that can't really be fixed. 

Dean takes a long breath out, "And then we left the next day. Never came back and, I never saw that guy again. But dad, he looked at me different after that, treated me different. Worse. He sent me on my first solo case a few months later but I- I think he just wanted to get rid of me. Like he couldn't bear to look at me, look at what I was. There weren't any more guys after that. Even after dad died I still couldn't- couldn't bring myself to do that, even though I still wanted to I just. I couldn't." 

Cas feels a tear roll down the side of his face, and he realizes he was so focused on hearing every word Dean was saying he didn't notice he had started crying too. He wipes his face with the back of his hand and says, "Dean, you know tha-" 

"I'm not finished yet, Cas. Please, just- just let me finish, okay?" 

"Okay. Okay, Dean." 

"What I'm trying to say is, I wanted there to be other guys, but I never wanted another guy more I wanted- more than I wanted you, Cas." Dean finally looks up to meet Cas' eye. 

"I wanted, want you more than I've ever wanted anything else, and I guess, hell, I guess you do too." Dean laughs a bit in disbelief, and reaches, timidly, for Cas' hand where it sits between them. Cas thinks, since when has Dean Winchester ever been timid about anything? That is, he thinks that up until the moment Dean's fingers wrap around his palm and then all he can think is Dean Dean Dean Dean Dean. Cas looks from their loosely intertwined hands up to Dean's face, back to their hands, back up to Dean's face, back to their hands again, then, finally, landing and staying on Dean's face. Dean's still crying, but he's also smiling and not for the first time Cas finds him so, so beautiful. Cas smiles too, and if he were in Dean's head he'd know that Dean finds him beautiful too, always has actually. 

"Dean, can I talk now?" Cas asks, half serious and half teasing. 

Dean teases back, "Depends, what do you wanna say?" 

Cas brings his free hand up to rest on Dean's cheek, "I want to say, that despite what your father might have believed, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. And, Dean, even if there was, well," Cas' smile widens and he leans closer to Dean, "I'll still love you, always." 

Dean looks relieved at that, like he'd been carrying a weight on his shoulders his whole life and only now did someone finally tell him it's okay, Atlas, you can put it down now.

"I love you too, Cas," Dean breathes, and leans forward to close a gap he hasn't closed since he was a teenager. Cas meets Dean in the middle and closes that same gap for the first time in his long, long life. 

When they finally pull apart it's only slightly, still resting their foreheads together. Cas pulls back a little further and tilts his head a bit to the side. Slowly, he moves his hand up to push off Dean's jacket. 

This time, it does lead there, later.

[votederpycausemufins]

today i don’t have a paragraph above the read more because uh

tw: blood, tw: torture, tw: pain, tw: violence. idk everything i need to tag it with so please please please tell me if I need to add something.

@petrichormeraki

His side hurt as he put pressure on the stab wound. He was trying not to pass out as a knife was held in front of his face. “We’re best friends! Aren’t we? Say it! Say we’re best friends!”

He tried not to cry. “W-We are best friends.”

“What about the bag though, isn’t that your favorite part?” The knife was held closer to him. “Best friends know that about each other.”

There were people talking or shouting, but he couldn’t pay attention. “How about later we read some comics? Play some games. You like that, don’t you?”

He was too scared, the words wouldn’t come out and instead he started crying. “Would you just CALM DOWN FOR THREE SECONDS! Just THREE seconds! Alright? You’re just losing your mind a little, got it. That’s all it is. You just need to calm down with me and we’ll sort everything out.”

But he couldn’t calm down. He was holding a knife and could kill him at any moment. He already had a stab wound. No, it was multiple at this point. How didn’t he notice them before? “Please… I-I’m not-”

“Don’t you DARE say that again! Say it and I’ll lose my marbles. You don’t want me to lose my marbles, do you.”

He didn’t. If they weren’t already gone then losing them could make it worse. Or maybe better? Maybe death would be better. He could just be another ghost like the others who had died.

“Here! How about a high five!” It wasn’t a stab, but a punch and his face started to throb. “You’re just goofin and gaffin around, aren’t you.” And then another punch. “How about a little tickle?” And a pain erupted from one of his wounds as it was poked in some weak imitation of a tickle.

“Please! Please I’m not him!”

“What are you talking about?! Of course you are! Are you insane?!” The knife glinted as it moved down and stabbed him, his already brittle bones snapping. It was too much and he screamed loudly.

It was too tight, why was it too tight. Was someone talking? It sounded like it but the words weren’t processing in his brain. Something about night and bread and robots and birds. There was something black surrounding him. Was it going to hurt him? Stab him? ‘You’re my best friend.’ the sentence replayed in his mind. “No no please. I don’t want to be. I’m not him.” He managed to speak out, hoping he would listen to reason.

There was chirping as something bright blue came into view. It was calming as it moved closer until it wasn’t. Something darker on it glinted and he started screaming again. He didn’t want to be stabbed. Not again. He would do anything. He’ll wear his clothes, live in his house, but please don’t hurt him.

“Grian!” Someone shouted, but he shook his head. That wasn’t his name. He was Taurtis. He had to be. He wouldn’t get hurt anymore if he was Taurtis. He pleaded for Sam to listen. He was his best friend Taurtis. He wasn’t Grian and Jerry wasn’t Taurtis. He was Taurtis.

“I haven’t seen him this bad in ages.” Mumbo spoke, trying to comfort Tommy and Tubbo. The bots were fortunately still sleeping as it was programmed into them. Everyone else was staying in come beds that had been set up in a different room so they weren’t close enough to be woken up. But Tommy and Tubbo had stayed up far too long catching up and Mumbo had stayed in a room with Grian. All of them heard the moment he started screaming. Mumbo was pushed out of bed by Grian’s wings as he thrashed around and the other two had run in to see what was going on.

“He had nightmares when he first joined the server back in season six but they got better over time. The only other time it got bad again was during the head games and a few people showed off their rabbit heads.” Mumbo explained after a few other questions.

Professor Beak has also been nearby and woke to the sounds. He flew over to Grian as he mumbled something, sounding like he was pleading for his life. That seemed to calm him down for a few moments before the screams got louder. The bird was handed to Tubbo who held him close and Mumbo tried to soothe Grian.

It was agonizingly slow, but Grian was calming down. He was no longer screaming and just weeping, begging not to be hurt and that he would be someone named Taurtis. With that new information, Mumbo was able to calm Grian more effectively, not knowing what nightmare was being had.

Grian was still out of it when he was fully calmed down, mainly from the exhaustion that came from not having a good night’s sleep and from exerting himself so much in his panic after waking up. 

“We’re going to have to take him to his mansion.” Mumbo started to explain as he hefted Grian onto his back. He wasn’t that heavy due to his avian nature as they normally didn’t grow that tall and had hollow bones like most birds. “He does better in familiar places and my old hobbit hole isn’t really a place he frequents. More just a place the children like to play.”

When Mumbo opened the bedroom door, he almost ran into Fundy who was holding the pillow from his bed, ears down against his head. “What happened?”

“Oh shit, that’s right, Fundy’s part fox.” Tommy cursed, remembering that meant he had much better hearing. “I’m guessing the screaming woke you up?”

Fundy hugged the pillow a little tighter. “Not right away. It found its way into my dreams first before I finally woke up.”

“I’m really sorry about that.” Mumbo apologized. “Grian’s having a nightmare of his own and it’s really bad. Say, your dad was wilbur, right? The tallest one? Any chance you could wake him up? With Grian like this I can’t really fly us there, minecarts can only fit one, and the nether isn’t the best place if you’re unconscious. I’m sure I can get him there myself, but having someone to trade off with would be best and the taller the better with Grian’s wings dragging on the ground.”

Fundy nodded and went to wake his dad up, he seemed to wake up Techno and Philza too as they also arrived behind Wilbur who was yawning and looked like he wanted to complain about being up so early. Techno at least kept his expression hidden and while Philza looked equally as tired as Wilbur, he woke up when he saw Grian’s condition.

Quickly, Mumbo explained what was going on with Grian and how they would be going to the mansion. He led them over to the minecart tunnels since Grian’s own hobbit hole wasn’t too far from his base and it was a safe path, especially since the sun wasn’t out yet and with how tired they all felt, there may be phantoms.

Tommy and Tubbo worked on waking the bots up as the tunnel was opened. Jrumbot ran to catch up asking many questions as Grumbot just watched with an expression of concern. Normally he was more robotic and logical, but Tommy could tell he was trying to hold himself together as the bot crushed his and Tubbo’s hands in worry.

At around the halfway point through the tunnels, everyone paused as Grian was moved onto Wilbur’s back. The avian gave out a sad whimper from being moved and Mumbo did his best to give comfort. Jrumbot pulled out a green robe which made Mumbo side with a hint of frustration as he recognised the item, but he did take it and place it over Grian like a blanket.

Tommy makes them wait a little longer as he places down his ender chest and pull out a coat that Wilbur immediately recognizes. He starts to argue about it with his younger brother but it starts to upset Grian and they stop without any warning needed.

As they exit through Grian’s side of the tunnel, Tommy explains how he first holed up in there when he showed up. He’s asked how Grian didn’t notice he was living in the same house but then corrects them. “No Grian moved out ages ago. I moved in because it was abandoned.” As they continued walking Tommy pointed out in the direction they were traveling. “He’s living there now.”

They were all left stunned as they strained their necks looking up at the building towering ahead. As if it weren’t impressive enough, Tommy added another comment. “He’s still not done with it and he also built a replica in the nether that is completely upside down.”

As they reached the base of the stairs, Wilbur looked like his back was going to give out just from looking at them all. Fortunately Mumbo took Grian back and also led them down instead of up. “He started with the basement first. It’s still quite large, but not as much and is mainly a storage system. He spent far too long ignoring the actual interior of his mansion.”

“And the back.” Tommy half whispered before laughing at a joke that no one but Mumbo really understood. Well, the bots did as well, but they were too worried about Grian.

Finally Mumbo reached Grian’s bed and laid him down in it. He gave the coat back to Tommy much to Wilbur’s dismay and put the robe in his inventory which made Jrumbot mad. 

Everyone looked exhausted and Mumbo excused himself from the room. He gave Tommy a look and the blond distracted Tubbo so he didn’t hear the distant noise of a firework. Mumbo wasn’t gone for too long as he reappeared with the beds that had been left behind, letting everyone get back to sleep.

Iskall yawned as there was a knock on the wood of their tree. They were surprised to see Xisuma there and tried to make themself at least a little more presentable and not look like they had just woken up. “Hi Xisuma. What brings you here?” They said, stifling another yawn.

“Scar and I were up late going over everything having to do with the smp. We were debating getting rid of the time displacement protection or if we should help the new admin place the same kind on their world. Eventually the topic changed and we ended up on who all lives there. When you and Fundy were at the town hall for paperwork, he wrote a list of everyone there, or most if he can’t remember everyone.”

“Okay, and?” Iskall asked, not seeing where this was going. Xisuma just handed them a paper that was covered with Fundy’s handwriting - paw writing? - and Iskall read down the list. When they finished reading, they looked back up at Xisuma. “So?”

Xisuma pointed to a certain name on the list. “Read it again. Aloud this time.”

Iskall rolled their eye but then looked down and read the name. “Hbomb Aka Hbomb94.” Iskall was about to say more before they finally had the gears turning. “Wait, Hbomb?! That’s where he disappeared to?! I guess that makes sense why we couldn’t contact him.”

“I figured you would want to know. I’ll go see Ren and Stress next unless you want to tell them.”

“I’ll just message the whole group. They’ll want to know and we can have another meet up.”

Xisuma nodded and flew off as Iskall pulled out their communicator. They exited out of the main hermit chat and scrolled down to one labeled ‘vault boys’. They pulled up the chat box and started typing.

<Iskall85>: I know it’s only 8am for some people here.

<Iskall85>: but my friend Xisuma just showed up.

<Iskall85>: H is located.

<AntonioAsh>: are you saying you want a new meetup with him involved

<Iskall85>: of course. He’s been left out of the other times.

<AntonioAsh>: how soon are we talking?

<Iskall85>: maybe a week?

<StressMonster>: our time or normal time?

<Iskall85>: sounds like X is turning the displacement off for a little bit, so both.

<AntonioAsh>: I’ll see if I can make it, but it’s not a guarantee.

<Iskall85>: that’s fine.

<CaptainSparklez>: I’m down. Need a break from wrapping my head around Create. Okay if I bring my kid?

<Iskall85>: definitely. I’m sure she’ll love it.

<CaptainSparklez>: alright! Keep me updated!

<Rendog>: let me sleeeep

[wormstacheangel]

Almost: Ch8

Final chapter is finally here! The bonus one will be posted hopefully soon but this the ending. Think of it as 15x19 and the next chapter is 15x20 except it doesn’t make you feel stupid. Or I don’t know how you’ll feel about this actually lol

Summary:  Dean and Cas finally use their words. And sometimes it's too late. Sometimes it's just the relief of just knowing that makes someone truly happy.

Read on Tumblr: Ch1 link | Ch2 link | Ch3 link | Ch4 link | Ch5 link | Ch 6 link | Ch 7 link

Read on AO3 link (maybe leave a nice little comment?)

Word Count: 2978 More Under The Cut

“Oh,” Sam quickly stands up and nudges Charlie to stand up with him. “Mick! You should come see Charlie’s café!”

Charlie was quick to pick up Sam’s plan - an obvious one - as they both stumbled over each other to push Cas inside the room and pull Mick away. Sam wrapped an arm around Mick’s shoulders, towering over him, while Charlie tugged at his arm.

“Um, I think I’ll just stay with Castiel.” Mick tried to pull away from them but Sam had already pushed him away from the office door. 

“Don’t be silly! I have like thee best pies in town!” 

Their voices slowly started to get further and further away. Mick trying to politely decline while Sam and Charlie talked his ear off. It would have been funny if Cas wasn’t standing right in front of him practically shaking like a damn leaf. His jaw was clenched as he kept his hands balled up in the dumb ugly trench coat again. He looked cute though. With nice fitting black jeans and a half-tucked in forest green sweater. Matching the fall weather perfectly. 

Dean swallowed hard before taking a step towards him. “Are you okay?”

“No.” He answered quickly and firmly. Cas’s eyes were looking at him now. Ice piercing through him and chilling him through his bones. Making him stop where he was standing. Still a few steps away from Cas.

“I’m sorry.” Dean’s voice was low, shaky. “I’m sorry, Cas. I’ll behave!” Dean took another small step towards him. “I’ll do better just don’t-”

Cas looked away from him, shoulder’s stiff as he poked his tongue at his cheek. “I just came to let you know that we’re leaving tonight. We’re going to the airport after this.”

Dean’s breath caught in his throat. This was goodbye. This was another damn goodbye and it felt so familiar, heartbreak and all.

“Don’t.” Dean walked towards Cas but stopped just an arm’s reach away. He hasn’t had enough time with him. And he knows - he fucking knows - that if Cas leaves that he would never see him again. Cas didn’t need money when Mick was perfectly well off. He would live comfortably with his dumb British fiance so there was no need for him to even come back. To come back to Dean. 

No. Cas was saying goodbye for the last time. 

Cas turned to look him over and his face scrunched up but that stubborn asshole won’t admit to his tears. Instead, he kept looking at Dean with a serious glare. 

“I thought I’ll get more time to...to maybe-” Dean continued as his hand reached out to take Cas’s arm but Cas pulled away. And shit. That. That fucking hurt. Dean nodded in understanding as he sucked on his lower lip. 

Don’t touch. Got it.

“Mick wants to go home early. He um, he doesn’t like it here.” Cas looks away again, looking down at their feet as his lips scrunched up. Nose wiggling as he let out a sniffle. “So it doesn’t look like we’ll ever come back to visit.”

“Is it,” Dean stuffed his hands in his pocket as he cleared his throat. “Is it cause of me? Did you get in trouble?”

Cas let out a loud hollow laugh and when he looked back at Dean he was smiling. It was so sad and broken before he wiped his tears away. “Of course it’s because of you! You fucking dumbass.”

“Okay, got it.” Dean nodded as he scratched at the back of his head. Should he reach for him again? He wanted to just pull him in for a hug but Cas doesn’t want that. “Maybe I can try to talk to Mick! Tell him that - no?”

Cas was shaking his head as he let out a shaky breath. His shoulders shook and finally, the stiffness was gone. “He doesn’t particularly like you anymore, Dean.”

“Yeah, I don’t really like myself right now either.” Dean shrugged before smiling at Cas. Cas’s shoulders fell as he let a soft chuckle before his face crumbled and he jumped into Dean’s arms. 

Cas hugged - no he was gripping him - Dean for dear life. His face tucked into the crook of Dean’s neck as his whole body shook with a soft sob. Dean’s eyes shut as he wrapped his arms around Cas. 

It was obvious now that Cas didn’t choose him. He was leaving with Mick and they’re never going to see each other again. Dean can’t even keep him in his life because he lacks basic self-control. All he wants is to hold Cas. To lean into Cas. To take his hand and walk down the sidewalk with him. To kiss him. To love him. 

“Stay?” His brittle voice was barely a whisper but he knew Cas heard him as he nuzzled his face deeper into Dean’s skin. The only response was another shaky cry so Dean kept his hold on Cas, fingers gripping at the back of his coat with a hold that started to burn.

“I’ll do better. I promise I’ll do better.” He sounded like he was pleading with him now and Cas pulled away just enough to take Dean’s face in his hands. His thumbs wiped away tears as he looked at him with knitted eyebrows.

“It’s not you, Dean.” Cas reassures him. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said...I promise it’s not you.”

“Then why-?”

“I want to kiss you right now.” Cas smiles, such a sad depressing excuse of a smile. “I want to kiss you more than I have ever wanted to kiss anyone.” Then he shrugs as his thumb traced over Dean’s lower lip. “But I can’t.”

“Why not?” Dean kissed his thumb.

Cas let out a shaky laugh while he rolled his eyes. “You know why.”

“Mick.” Of course. He didn’t even know why he asked such a dumb question when he already-

“No. Well, yes. Him too.”

“What else is there, Cas?”

Cas tilted his head at him and narrowed his eyes at him with that damn look. The one that was asking are-you-really-that-stupid-or-are-you-fucking-with-me? Dean just raised his eyebrows in response. Waiting for Cas to answer.

“Do you really think I’m so fucking stupid, Dean?” Cas pushed away from him and crossed his arms over his chest. His fist digging into his side. “Just because you don’t introduce me to them doesn’t mean I don’t know!”

“Them? What the hell are you talking about, man?”

“I know you’re married, Dean!” Cas ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “God! I feel so gross!” He started to pace the small office as he rambled on in frustration. “I thought because you were married that I could...that we could be friends! But I was dead wrong. Oh fuck I was so fucking wrong!”

Married? Married! Cas thought...Mick has said...shit! Dean can only watch him as he tried to connect wires in his head.

Cas stopped and pointed a finger at him. “You know how guilty I’ve been feeling since I fucking kissed you again? I knew you were married but you were just...fuck I missed you so much! And you were right in front of me again.” He took a deep breath as he shakingly glared harder at Dean. “I love my fiance! I do but fuck - Mick is right, Dean.” He was pacing again, wiping tears as he went. “Mick is so right. We need to leave now before me and you end up fucking up our lives just because we still love each other.”

Those words made Dean blink back at him. He sucked in an audible breath as the realization hit him.

Cas then stopped in front of him with a dramatic eye roll and tilt of the head. “Dean? Are you really just gonna stand there and not say - oof!”

Dean took Cas’s face in his hands and finally kissed him again. He chokes down a cry as he kisses Cas slowly and softly. Feeling Cas melt against him and grip at his sleeves while his breath tickled Dean’s lips. 

When he pulled away Cas’s eyes fluttered open as his eyes started to round up and fill with tears. 

“You love me?” Dean asked as he pulled Cas close and nuzzled their noses together. Cas nods a few times quickly before chasing after Dean’s lips.

Their lips brushed, delicate, smoothly, as their salty tears mixed in between them. Cas’s finger shakingly pressed against the base of Dean’s jaw to hold him. They kissed once. Twice. Three times. Until they were both left dizzy and breathless while they leaned against each other. 

“Say it.” Dean’s voice was small but Cas smiled as he nuzzled their noses together.

“I love you, Dean.” Dean’s heart leaped in his chest and he couldn’t stop to think when he picked Cas up in his arms to sit him down on the open space in the desk. Cas laughed as he wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him back down for another kiss.

“Your turn,” Cas tells him as he starts to pepper small kisses on the side of Dean’s face. Starting with the small tear on Dean’s lower lip and on his bruised up cheek. 

Dean laughs as he nuzzles his face into Cas’s throat, the giggle that Cas let out should be fucking illegal for how cute it fucking was. Kissing him and feeling so damn weightless and happy. He was just given a stupid amount of money but this - Cas in his arms - was the happiest he has felt in so long. He loves him! He loves me!

“I love you, Cas.” Dean pulls back so he can look at him while he says it. “Fuck, I love you so much.”

Cas sucks in a shaky breath as he looks at him and fuck he looked so happy. So damn bright like Dean was handing him the whole fucking moon. Cas leaned forward again but they both froze with lips barely brushing as they heard Cas’s name being called from the garage.

“Shit! Mick.” Cas pushed Dean off as he jumped off the desk and started to straighten up his clothes and smooth down his hair. Dean didn’t even realize he pulled at Cas’s arm until Cas tugged at it, eyes wide and worried. “Dean, please, I gotta go.”

“Don’t. Don’t go, Cas.”

Cas sighed. “Please don’t make this harder than it already is. We both already have-”

“I’m not married, Cas!” That made Cas stop. He opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out so Dean continued. Pulling Cas close to him again. Gently cradling his face as he looks back at those wide confused eyes. “I’m not married. I don’t know where you even got that shit from but I’ve never been married. Shit, Cas, I haven’t even had a damn date in a fucking year.”

Cas’s eyes kept flickering on him as if trying to read him. “But I-I...I came back.”

“You what?”

“I came back, Dean.” Cas repeats himself as he puts a hand over Dean’s. “A few months after I left. I couldn’t handle your rejection…But one day I just missed you. I needed to hear your voice so I went through my old phone to listen to your voicemails. I went through your text and then your emails.” Cas leaned forward to press his forehead against Dean’s. “Fuck, I’m so sorry I left you like that. It was a few months after your Mom died and I knew how you would get so I saved up money to come back. To see you. To take care… but I was too late.”

Those few months were all a big blur and Dean pulled back to look at Cas’s tearful expression. “You came back?”

Cas nodded with a broken laugh mixed in with a sob. “Yeah. Dropped out of my first year and everything. Gabriel was pissed.” Cas wiped his tears with his sleeve. “But you were already with someone. I-I saw you with a baby and figured…”

“Dude, that’s not my kid. Lisa and I only dated for a while after Mom died. She was just...she was just there.”

“But Dad said you guys were planning your wedding.” He looked past Dean again, with the faraway look in his eyes. “I had to go back to him because I didn’t have enough money to go home and he told me all about you two. That you were happier than anyone has ever seen you.”  Cas then blinked at him again. Focusing on Dean once more as his shoulders stiffened. He poked Dean’s shoulders as he glared at him. “He told me that you said I was dead to you. That you fucking hated me.”

Dean slapped his hand away. “Dude, stop poking me.”

“He said you hated me and wanted me dead, Dean!” Cas’s eyes were shaking now as he glared at him. “Do you hate me?”

“No! Shit, Cas! Course I don’t!” He grabbed Cas’s shoulders. “Is that what you thought this whole time?”

“Dad said-” His voice was low. 

“You’re Dad hated your guts, Cas!” He watched Cas’s lost eyes slowly start to click things together. “Why would you believe him?”

“I was surprised when you said you missed me when we saw each other again.” Cas laughed, it was a little manic. “Fuck and then you said you loved me! And - And it was all too much.” Cas meets his eyes again. 

“I wasn’t sure if you were messing with me. And I… And I-I-I couldn’t let you have so much control of my heart again. I just couldn’t, Dean.” Cas reaches over and cradles Dean’s face in his hands again. “Losing you - saying goodbye to you - was the hardest thing I ever had to do.”

Dean leans into the touch. “Then stop saying goodbye, Cas.”

“Then what am I supposed to do? I said yes to Mick already, Dean. I’m supposed to get married to him soon.”

“Do you love him?”

Cas nods slowly, a painful smile across his lips before he pressed their foreheads together. “But I love you more. I love you, Dean. It’s so fucking stupid how much I fucking love you.”

Dean took those words in. He swallowed them and tried to understand them before he did something he’ll regret. Cas loved him. He knows that now and he was so damn close. He was in his grasp and Dean knew that if he tilted his head forward and kissed him, that Cas would kiss him back. He knew. But it wasn’t enough. 

Dean grabbed Cas’s hand as he pulled them off of him, kissing his palms, before letting them drop and taking a step back.

“I’m sorry, Cas, but I think it’s time for you to choose.” Cas reached for him but then dropped his arms to his side. “I love you and I wanna kiss you but I won’t. Not if you’re already spoken for and I’m just fucking things up for you.”

Cas nodded as he started to nervously play with his engagement ring. 

Dean gave Cas his back. Not wanting to see him make the decision. Not wanting to see him walk away. 

This is it. Isn't it? After this, he’ll have no choice but to move on. They will finally have closure to their story. It was just the wrong timing. It was just too messy and filled with too much miscommunication to move on from. 

Cas already had a life. Had a home. Had someone he loved and loved him back. It was just Dean that couldn’t move on. Couldn’t stop thinking, what if? What if he never agreed on his date with Lisa? What if Dean caught Cas on time the first time he left? What if he pulls Cas into a kiss right now? 

Then Dean flinched as he heard the door open. 

And there was his answer. 

Cas was gone. Once again picking Mick while Dean was left behind. Not good enough to love. To stay for. 

He let his head fall into his hands as he took a deep shaky breath. No. He won’t cry. He won’t cry. Fuck. He won’t-

“Dean?” 

Dean quickly spun around to face him. 

“Um, I had to give the ring back.” Cas motioned as he closed the office door again. “We should probably stay here for a while. Mick is not taking the news so well.”

Dean was in front of him in a few long strides and held Cas from the back of the neck. Looking at him in disbelief. “You didn’t leave.”

Cas smiled back at him as he reached to wipe away tears from Dean’s face. “I didn’t leave.”

“Does that mean-?”

“It was an easy choice.” Cas wrapped his arms around Dean’s middle and kissed the corner of his mouth. “I pick you, Dean. Every time. I mean I do feel bad for leaving Mick like that when he just paid for the plane tickets but may-”

Cas didn’t finish his sentence as he sunk against Dean’s lips. A small gasp let Dean finally deepen the kiss between them and he felt like he finally knew what it was like to love someone. What all those cheesy rom-com movies talk about when you kiss the right person. When the right person loves you back.

“I love you.” Dean says as he starts to pepper kisses around Cas’s jaw. Going down his throat until he can nuzzle his nose into the crook of his neck. “Fuck, Cas. I love you so much and I promise. I promise. I’ll make you happy.”

“You already do.” Cas sighed as he held him, his hands going up and down Dean’s back. To reassure him. To tell him that he was right there. Finally staying. Finally choosing him. “I love you.”

And finally loving him.

Tag List 1: (Ask to be added or removed! I’m chill about it I promise.)

@galaxycastiel @superduckbatrebel @slipper007 @ar-bi-trary @winchestcas

@imlivingliferightnow @bi-bi-marie @nguyenxtrang @dancerdovegirl

@chocolatecakecas @trasherasswood @celestialcastiel @castiel-is-a-cat

@readeroftheimmortalbooks @marichankitty @confusedisaster

@castiels-bitch @destiel-bitches @tearsofgrace @wigglebox

[ssa-daddyhotchner]

Undercover - Chapter 3

Chapter Selection

Few days later

I woke up at 5am with my alarm blaring. I turn it off covering my face with the pillow then taking a deep breath and standing up. Going to the kitchen I brew a pot while taking a shower.

Using my lavender shampoo and conditioner then washing them out. I look down and see Aarons body wash and I chose to use that instead. 

When I finish my shower my coffee is ready and its 5:20am. While getting dressed my phone lights the room.

Aaron - Morning, when you come in today go straight to my office; I wanna ask you something

Y/N - Okay, I should be there in about half and hour

I grab my things and go to the parking lot; getting into my car and heading to work. It was a short drive occasionally getting some texts from Aaron. 

Walking into the building I pass Reid, joining him in the elevator. "Morning", I could see him shuffling getting closer to the doors so he could leave.

"Morning", with that the doors opened and he rushed out going to his desk. I shrug off what's happening with him, putting my stuff at my desk then straight to Aarons office; I knock on the door.

"Come in", he still kind of had his morning voice. It was deep and gravely, "What's this about." 

He leans back putting his pen on the desk, "Can you shut the door please." Shutting the door he resumes, "I wanted to ask you out on a date." 

Oh I looked a little surprised, "That'd be nice." I take a seat in front of him, "Dinner?" 

"I could eat", I flash him a smile; getting up over to his chair and sitting on his lap. His large hands automatically moving to my hips and ass. 

I brought my hands to cup his face, "Good Morning."

My lips pressed to his, biting his bottom lip. Getting a groan from him he moved a hand into the waistband of my pants. My hands making its way into his hair and tugging. 

I moved away before it got too heated, but the damage was done.

"Well hello", I could feel him underneath me; I grinned and shifted on his lap, "Fuck." He said through his teeth, "You love teasing me don't you." 

I smiled and met his gaze. "It's what I'm best at luckily for you I'm willing to help with your- uh problem." 

I palm him through his pants him groaning in my ear. I sank to my knees looking into his eyes; I undid his belt. He lifted his hips so I could pull him out. 

Taking him out of his boxers, his cock smacking his stomach before going straight. 

He was bigger than any of the men I've been with. I knew he was packing but damn, I thought to myself. 

I pump him a few times before flatting a stripe from the base all the way up his shaft, running my tongue along his tip with small little circles. 

"Little girl please", he groaned; I internally smiled to myself. I wrapped my mouth around him; hollowing my cheeks. Aaron laid his head on the back of his chair. 

I relaxed as I pushed him all the way till he hit the back of my throat. 

I pumped what I couldn't fit; His hand found it's way into my hair guiding my movements up and down. He hissed when my tongue flatted on the underside of his cock. Aaron bucked his hips forcing himself into me. 

I quickened my pace, my lungs burning from the lack of oxygen; tears springing from the corners of my eyes. He looked at me in awe never breaking eye contact. 

"Baby I-", I could feel his dick twitch and I quickened my pace. I wanted to taste him, I hummed around him pushing him over the edge. 

"Be a good girl", I swallowed every last drop. He cleaned up the sides of my mouth and put himself back into his pants.

I gave him a long kiss, walked to the door and unlocked it; walking down the ramp to my desk. Hotch sent me a text. He opened his blinds so I could see him.

Aaron- I'll pick you up at 7, and wear something fancy

________________________________

It was 6:00 and I still needed to get ready; I got side tracked from cleaning my apartment. I get undressed and took a shower washing everything and shaving everything. When I got out it was 6:20.

I curled my hair once it was dry; I throw on some black heels and a tight black dress with a slit going to my mid thigh. It was exactly 7pm when I heard a knock at my door. 

I saw it was Aaron and I opened the door. He wore a black dress shirt that hugged his frame and black pants. Aaron eyed me up and down. "You look gorgeous', he wouldn't stop looking; it made my face red. 

"And you sir are very handsome", he held out his arm and we walked to his car. I held on to his bicep; he went ahead and opened my side of the car. He got in and headed to the restaurant, his hand on my thigh the whole drive. 

We arrive at a strip there are multiple things lighting the street. He opens my side holding out his hand. "Thank you", he walked us over to an Italian restaurant. 

"Reservation for Hotchner", the women takes a second; "Ah here we are right this way." Our table is in the corner of the room so we can view everything. 

I ordered the Chicken Marsala and Aaron ordered the Spaghetti Carbonara. I had 3 glasses of white wine and was tipsy. The conversation was light half taking about work the other half about our hobbies and other friends. 

"Check please", Aaron held onto my hand on the table. "What are we doing now", I said excitedly. "I wanted to walk around for a bit", I gripped his hand; nodded and we left. 

He took me to a park not too far from the restaurant; there were lights hanging in the trees and was well lit till we got to the water. 

I heard the waves smacking against the rocks below us. There was a warm breeze; we began walking along the water. 

This time I grabbed his hand; interlacing our fingers. "Y/n", I tilt my head looking to the side.

I hummed, he takes a deep breath. "On your first case when you were basically sleeping on me", I started to giggle. 

"I saw that there were uh- scars running down you back", I tensed up an closed my eyes almost completely letting go of him but he held on. 

I wanted to hide an lock myself away those were memories I didn't need to be reminded of but he wanted to know. "Y/n what happened." His voice was low and soft like he was trying not to scare me away. 

I stopped in my tracks tugging on his hand to turn around, "My ex husband...he was great at first, after about a year he started to get aggressive. 

Always snapping at me for no reason hitting me, one da-." I looked away avoiding his eyes trying to blink away the tears. 

"One day I decided I had enough and tried to fight back then leave. He tied me to the bad post on my stomach while he dragged the knife across my back. He would take his time saying 'This is what you deserve'." 

"He kept me there for a few days till he let me go and threated me. I got away but I don't know what happened to him after that." Aarons face was written with sadness traces of tears in his eyes. 

I was still avoiding facing him but he grabbed my chin gently and making me look at him. There were tears streaming down my face, my make-up was smudging. 

He moved his hand from my chin to my cheek cupping it. "I would never do that to you, understand." 

He let out a sigh, "My god y/n." He held my waist pulling me towards him. I threw my arms around his neck standing on my toes, I put my head on his shoulder crying. 

"Can you take me home", I said in a whisper. Aaron nodded, "Of course." 

We walked to the car and then drove me home, I was holding his hand the whole drive. He walked me to my door, "Goodnight....just know you can always talk to me...okay?" 

I gave him a weak smile, "Okay." 

I opened the door and kissed his cheek. "Goodnight", and I shut it going straight to bed. 

____________________________

2 weeks later

I wake up at 2am unable to go back to sleep. The thought of my ex running the blade on me makes me stiffen up and wanna break down. 

I reach for my phone scrolling through my contacts. 

My finger hovering over Hotchs determining if I really wanna bother him with this. I click his name; the phone ringing and he picks up.

"Hotchner", I smirk to myself; just hearing is voice relaxes me. 

"Hey it's y/n", I hear him sit up waking up a bit more. "What is it?", I really don't wanna bother him.

"It uh- nevermind", he shuffles and I sit up. "No it's okay you can tell me"

"I'm just... having trouble sleeping." 

"Can you maybe come over, you don't have too If-", he cuts me off. 

"It's not a problem I'll be there." We both hang up; I get up waiting for him. 

Someone knocking on my door; I open it, "Hey." I said sounding small still feeling like a burden. 

He had a bag on his shoulder and he drops it on the couch. Hotch tugs my hand to sit on the stool, "How are you really", I honestly didn't know how to answer that.

I've been having some trouble sleeping. I've noticed that I'm drinking a little more than I usually do. 

"I'm not sure, but I've been having trouble sleeping, been drinking a little more. My ex is basically haunting my dreams right now. I don't remember the last time I had a good nights sleep by myself." 

Aaron looking at me genially listening to what I have to say, like he actually cares. 

He grabs my hand and I continue. "The only time I'm actually okay is... with you." 

He brings me towards him kissing my temple, "I think you're the first person to say that an mean it." I push him back a little bit, "Come on I'm being serious." He chuckles and I pout a bit. 

We sit there for another half an hour mainly talking about my problems. 

I end the conversation grabbing his hand an pulling him to the bedroom. I get under the covers and he lays next to me.

My back against his torso; his hand tracing my spine. Placing kissing up and down my jaw an neck. 

He sucks gently leaving behind light purple marks. I moan but I cut him off flipping to face him. 

"Now now we'll have time for that tomorrow, but right now I just wanna sleep." Pouting a bit, but he understands. 

He lays on his back, my face on his chest I trace the scars on his stomach. 

Tangling our legs together I find his hand lacing our fingers. His deep breaths on the top of my head relaxes me, "Goodnight little girl."

Aaron POV

I wake up in her arms, the sun peaking through the curtains illuminating her face. 

She’s gorgeous, I whisper into her ear, "I'll always be here. I'll never hurt you." She shifted and moved her hand to my side. 

We hadn't discussed what this was but I already knew what I wanted; I said to her, "I want you to be mine and I wanna be yours." She lifted her head and looked at me.

"Really?", want and need flashed through her eyes. "Really", I said in a reassuring tone. She cupped my face and crashed her lips with mine. 

I pulled away looking her in her eyes, "Now now we'll have time for that later." I got up and headed to the shower. Getting back at her for saying that to me last night.

I walked away with a huge ass smile.

Leaving her on the bed in a shock. I stepped into the shower letting the hot water run down my body. 

Y/n POV 

He wanted me; he just left me hanging. He's not getting away that easy. I opened the shower curtains and stepped in after him. 

Wrapping my arms around his waist running my hands down his stomach and to his shaft. 

His breath hitches and he started to harden. He turned around; not a second goes by and his lips smashing into mine. 

His tongue swipes along my bottom lip. I let his in and he bites my lip, I groan into the kiss. 

I go to move my hands along his cock but he slams me on the tile wall pinning my hands above my head; the water running down his body. Droplets of water dripping of his hair on to my skin. 

My back arching from the cold surface, "I do the touching, understand." I didn't know what to say. 

I whimpered and he jolted onto me; in a stern voice he said, "Come on little girl use your words." 

I kiss him biting on his lip almost drawing blood; I pull away and stare into his eyes, "I understand."

"Good girl", he dragged his movements bringing his hand to my inner thigh and grabbing. 

I suppress my moan just begging for him to finally touch me. He got closer an closer to where I needed, teasing me but never giving me release. 

"Please", I whimpered. His mouth got close to my ear, "Okay baby." His fingers finally doing circles on my clit as he nibbled on my ear lobe. 

I moved me hips to gain some extra friction.

"Baby", I cried out. "I want you jus-", he slipped a finger into my wet pussy thrusting in and out hitting my g-spot. 

He inserted a third finger; combined with his thumb rubbing it was beginning to be too much. Just as I was about to tip over the edge he stopped.

He pulled out his finger and I cried out, "Why'd you stop." With out warning he slammed his cock into me not letting me adjust to his size. 

He brought his hand to my throat lightly choking me. Pounding into me still holding me into place, he pressed harder around my neck.

I put my leg up on the side of the tub. Fucking me from a new angle I pull him into another kiss. His mouth muffling my moans.

He signals me upwards and I wrap my legs around his waist.

I throw my head back in euphoria as I get closer to my high. Aaron thrust start to falter, I can feel him pulsating; he's close too. 

I clench around him and he releases a loud moan. He hisses through his teeth, "Fu- baby just like that."

"Aaron", I moan out breathlessly as my high washes over me. He slows his movements riding it out; making me feel every inch.

He resumes his pace pounding into me when I pull his hair leaning his head to the side; I nip, kiss, and suck on his neck leaving my mark on him. 

He moaned loudly into my ear taking both of my hands and pinning them back over my head. His thrust became sloppy and he twitched inside me. 

He pressed his forehead to mine and gave me a long kiss as he pulled out. I winced and he pulling me into the water putting shampoo into my hair, "You did so good baby." Massaging my scalp while placing kisses on my shoulder.

Rinsing it out and washing my body I do the same for him. We step out of the shower and get dressed. 

"Did you wanna get some breakfast." While getting dressed, "Yeah that's good, maybe we can invite the team too. Honestly I haven't really talked to them all that much this week." 

"I'll call them", I smile and we go get breakfast. "Oh and I wanted to talk to you about Reid." 

____________________________

@mac99martin @donttellanyoneireadfanfiction @appleblossoms-posts @marie1115

[cycat4077]

Stuck-On Cheese

Summary: Sometimes “the best intentions are fraught with disappointment.” Set during summer 2016 (S17). Pairing: Sonny x Reader Warnings: ANGST. Relationship troubles. Couple’s fight. Telling the squad. A cuss or two. Words: 1844  AO3: here

Part 9 of the Changes verse - but it can be read as a one-shot too.

A/N: I really, really like this one. I honestly felt that this plot was necessary to progress their relationship. I enjoyed writing it and I hope you like reading it too :)

Sonny’s gonna love this! There’s an extra little bounce in your step as the thought runs through your mind.

Entering the squad room again feels so nostalgic. It’s where you met Sonny, and for that, it will always hold a special place in your heart.

Carefully clutched in your arms is the purpose for your visit – a bag of Tupperware housing a steaming slice of Mama Carisi's lasagna. What's special about this particular batch however, is that you made it.

After Sonny phoned you earlier in the day saying he wouldn't make it home for dinner, you called up Mrs. Carisi and she gladly dictated her infamous lasagna recipe to you. You thought making one of his favorites, complete with delivery, would be the perfect surprise!

Marching towards Sonny’s desk, you greet all the familiar faces. Despite not having seen them in a year, Sonny’s incessant stories made you feel as though you had been around every day since you left.

“Hi, Fin! Hey, Amanda! How’s Jesse?” you rhyme, cheerfully. But instead of having your friendly addresses returned, you’re met with puzzled looks on confused faces.

Then you see Olivia. She emerges from her office to lean against the doorframe, surveying the bullpen and your arrival.

“Uhh…nice to see you…?” stammers Rollins from where she sits at her desk. But you can tell from her inflection that she doesn’t understand what’s going on.

Your voice grows meek. “Is Sonny here? I…brought him supper.” You turn to glance at each and every face that surrounds you, yet all turn up with blank stares.

The world starts to spin. Your throat tightens. Your stomach churns. You feel the thud of your pulse hammering in your ears.

Does no one know? Did he not tell them that we’re together? It’ll be a year in November!

Rollins’ voice slices through the silence. “We figured Carisi was dating someone but we just didn’t know who. It makes sense that it’s you though since you seemed to hit it off pretty well.”

You can barely make out Fin's retort through the ringing in your ears, but the words I told you so and, pay up, Amanda come across loud and clear.

Your body draws itself close in attempts to make yourself small. You wish you were anywhere but here. This revelation feels like a huge slap – except your face doesn’t sting, your heart does.

Why wouldn’t he tell them? You question yourself. Why? Why? Why?!

Lieutenant Benson repeats her words, dragging you back to reality. “He's in an interview right now,” she gestures to the two-way mirror behind her, “but I can get him for you if you’d like.”

Your brow furrows. The Lieutenant’s voice is laced with…with…pity! While you whole-heartedly respect her, you hate being pitied.

“No…No,” you say firmly. Everything is a daze. Anger bubbles up inside you.

You toss the lasagna on Sonny’s desk a little too forcefully, mumbling out a good to see everyone again, before turning on your heels to leave.

It’s surprising that you’re able to make it to the subway since your vision is blurred by tears. You try your hardest not to let them fall, dabbing the corner of your eye with your pinky to soak them up. It feels as though you are on autopilot, somehow getting off at the right stop and making your way back home – well, Sonny’s apartment, you suppose.

You enter, lock the door and fly past the kitchen. The supper dishes sit abandoned in the sink, cheese hardening on the casserole. But none of this even crosses your mind as you head straight for your bed.

The tears now flow freely, doubt preying on your mind like a raven plucking at roadkill.

All this time and not even one mention of me?  Sonny had been so excited to introduce me to his family…All the ‘I love yous’. Is it because he’s afraid of moving too fast?

Time slips away while you drown in your thoughts and so, when Sonny’s keys jingle in the door, it causes you to startle. That sound once filled you with excitement and would lead you to greet him with a giant hug and sloppy kiss. Tonight though, you have no will to move. Your body feels heavy, yet hollow and you shrink under the covers, pulling your knees to your chest.

You hear a clunking noise belonging to Sonny setting down his things and locking away his gun. Your heart rate picks up. You wish he would just leave you alone, but of course you know that won’t happen.

Your intuition is confirmed by the shuffle of feet crossing the apartment, drawing near to the bedroom door. The nob twists and the door creaks open. Refusing to look, you shut your eyes tight, awaiting the inevitable.

"Doll?" the familiar voice says. A few seconds pass before you feel the foot of the bed dip. Sonny softly speaks your name.

This time you cautiously look over. Your eyes are puffy and your face is tear streaked. You shift in place, sitting up ever so slightly to face him.

Sonny's features are wrought with distress. He hates seeing you like this. "Don't cry, please," he begs.

But instead, you snap. "Don't cry?! Why? Is it normal for someone's boyfriend to keep their relationship a secret for almost a year?" Sonny opens his mouth to speak but you talk over him, emotion pouring out. "You spend most of your life with these people; people who are so important to you, yet don't even think to mention the person you 'love'." Immediately you know that the air quotes are a low blow. Sonny winces. "What, keep me a secret in case things don't work out? Or…or maybe you just enjoy living a double life!"

"No!" Sonny protests, his voice tainted with frustration. "That's not it at all!"

"Then what is it, Sonny?!" Your anger is at full peak. "I told you about my insecurities. I told you that I've been led on before and just how much it hurt me. If what we are is just some trial period, I need to know. I...I can't waste time loving someone if they don't love me back. I just can't. Not again." Defeated, you let the tears flow, unable to control them.

"Doll," he urges. "I love you. I truly ‘n honestly do. More than anythin’ in this world! I meant everythin’ I said to you before. You're the one person who I can be myself around ‘n who loves me for everythin’ I am. You're the most important person in my life ‘n it's for that very reason why I haven't told people at work about you!" Your face crinkles in confusion. "We see some pretty fucked up cases." His language shocks you. “Yates, for example. Psychopath. We're their enemies, ‘n because they're so…so...so fucked up in the head," he raises his voice, "they'll stop at nothin’ sometimes. Hell, even Lieu got kidnapped ‘n tortured a few years ago! One little vulnerability,” Sonny snaps his fingers, “’n they've got their in. A way to manipulate ‘n get revenge. And I can't have you be my collateral." Desperation rinses away the anger in his voice as he sits there on the edge of the bed before you.

You stare in shock as he exposes his greatest vulnerability. His blue eyes are pleading, needing you to understand. "If there's no trace of you at work, then no one can ever harm you. No one can ever take you away from me. Please understand that."

This is all so sudden and confusing and, despite his rationalizing, it irritates you. “I don't want to be protected from you, Sonny!” you argue. “I know your job has risks. You've accepted them and by being with you, so have I. Liv and Amanda and Fin are all so important to you, so why keep me from them? I can't live like that. What if, God forbid, something did happen to you?” your voice strains. “How would I know? Second- or third-hand news from one of the other Carisis? How do you think that makes me feel? Maybe I am insecure about whether or not I deserve love, but I've gone all-in when it comes to loving you. I need to know you've done the same."

Sonny groans in frustration. "I have! A long time ago ‘n I've neva looked back. I wanna share all the good things with the squad ‘n tell them how in love I am. I wanna tell ‘em everythin’ about you. I want your picture on my desk, on my phone, in my wallet. But I'm scared. Hidin’ you has been the only way I can make sure I don't lose you. But...but if you want...if you're okay with the risk...Okay.” Sonny exhales. “I don't wanna push you away. I need you more than you could ever know.”

His words go straight to your heart. “I don't want to fight, Sonny,” you concede. “I just felt so...humiliated when I walked in there today and no one knew why. Like I was some cheap, secret fling."

Sonny hangs his head, voice growing soft. “I'm sorry. I shoulda told you about them not knowing. I shoulda told you why. I just didn't think. Please,” he looks at you with those big blue eyes, “I don't wanna fight either. Will you be able to forgive me? Is this somethin’ we can overcome?” You can see how scared he is. His jaw flexes and he swallows nervously. Sonny truly is worried that he’s created a rift between you that's too great to mend.

But you nod out a ‘yes’ because you love him and he loves you. His intentions were in the right place even if he didn't think about how it could affect you. The blame however, is neither all his to own. You instantly jumped to conclusions and assumed the worst. It’s a trait you've always hated yourself for, having gotten the best of you too many times in the past.

“I’m sorry too,” you admit, trying to convey your sincerity.

Offering you a gentle smile, Sonny inches closer on the bed, opening his arms. You shift forward and he wraps you in a warm embrace. This is where you belong.

Fresh tears escape your eyes and dampen Sonny's shirt. He tilts back to look at you, blue eyes soft and loving. You reach up, caressing the side of his face and he leans into your touch. Slowly Sonny bends his head and kisses you, lips offering silent apologies. And in your kiss is forgiveness.

When you part, a sniffle escapes you. "I've gotta go and wash those dishes, otherwise the cheese will never come off."

Sonny lets out a lighthearted laugh. "C'mon, doll. I'll help you." He then stands, rolling his sleeves up to his elbows.

The evening passes with the sound of clinking dishes and sloshing water filling the tiny kitchen as the two of you work in tandem to wash away what remains of the stuck-on cheese.

---

Feedback is loved! And let me know if you wanna be tagged :-)

Part 10 here