#I am doing this inbetween the birthday celebration

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

almost-birthday thoughts

i'll turn 40 in a few days, on thursday. i've always loved presents and reasons to celebrate, round numbers, enthusiasm...reasons to be excited, i guess. but this birthday matters way more to me than the others; it feels deeper. i don't look to 50 or 60 (if i'm lucky enough to get there) and feel any particular way, but i felt this one coming. i needed this one to matter.

my mom was 32 when she had me, and her 40th birthday is the first birthday i remember witnessing of hers. the family teasing her, the 'lordy lordy looks who's forty' rhymes. her hair was already gray, and welfare hadn't forced her back into the workforce yet. she was happier than i would ever see her be, again.

and i honestly don't remember much else about her birthday party, or that year specifically. big, terrible things happened a year later, but when i was only 8? she was just 40, we all celebrated like we celebrated every birthday of everybody--and the number didn't mean anything to me.

now, i'm about to be 40, and the last time i saw my mom, i was 21. she turned 72 this year, which is the age my grandmother was when she died. i reached out, because of that. i get my spine from my grandmother and my stubbornness from my mother, but i yielded, just enough. i know i won't see her again while she's alive. i'm at peace with that, as much as i can be.

but it still makes 40 feel more important, somehow. like i've hit the inbetween. i've survived the rock and the hard place and somehow i'm still alive and i'm going to be 40 years old, older than my mother was when i entered the world, while she's older than her mother was when she left it.

i've never cared much about age in the way some people do: i don't worry about how wrinkles make me look, or how quickly silver began streaking through my brown hair. i'm not lamenting (or celebrating) what i've accomplished as i approach a real mile marker. until i started writing this, it didn't even occur to me that depending on how long i live, i may actually be entering middle age now.

that can't be true, right? whatever middle-aged is, it doesn't feel like me reblogging tumblr gifs and rambling about the movies i've watched or sharing my cat stories. my health issues have existed for so long they seem entirely divorced from the passage of time, so i can't even say i feel like i'm getting old because i have pain, or sleep trouble--whatever the cliches are.

anyway, being the many things that i am (autistic, bipolar, anxious, vibrating at a high ADHD frequency even while medicated), i'm probably always going to be one of those 'i don't feel my age' people. so that doesn't surprise me. it's more the principle of this year, that matters to me. it has mattered all year as i felt my birthday approaching.

so both intentionally and coincidentally, i made this one of my biggest birthdays ever. because of the timing of thanksgiving and school holidays and other stuff outside my control, my family celebrating started early. last week alone was intense, in the best way.

i found out earlier this year, with much surprise and delight, that hadestown was not only touring, but coming literally to our downtown theater. a ticket to that was my gift to myself. i'd never seen any musical i love onstage--and definitely not a broadway one, touring or otherwise. and i didn't think about, when i purchased the ticket, how the show would be happening only a week after the election. but it was perfect, even more so because of that. i needed it.

and then, @actuallylukedanes made it possible for me to see suzy eddie izzard, performing live. they're the one who first introduced me to her comedy, literally decades ago now, and her bits are embedded in the fabric of our family (who all went together). getting to actually be in her presence wasn't on my bucket list, much like i didn't actually expect to see a musical i loved until i did--i'm still a little in shock that we were really there. it really happened. and in addition to being funny, she was very sincerely trying to give us all hope. it made me cry.

before the show, we got something to eat nearby, and it's been years since i had such a good milkshake. i want to go back there and try their sandwiches (i enjoyed the fries and their natural orange soda). the theater smelled like history, and i love all the memories i made with my family just on that one day, including the hour i spent reading in the car before i ran out of sunlight while music blasted all around us. and the singalong on the ride home. i think it was nearly 4 hours of driving, to get there and back that day, but for me at least, it was worth it.

i've already gotten one of my birthday presents (besides the suzy eddie izzard show of course), because @actuallyrorygilmore had to visit early and leave yesterday, thanks to the schedules etc i mentioned above. she got me a book i really wanted, and can't wait to read, once i've made a dent in my giant partially-read pile of paperbacks and hardcovers from my distracted era. (i'm nearly done with two! i'm making actual progress!)

i also got a cupcake and a box of caramels i love...and all of that was before my birthday has even happened!

i've still got some kind of unwrappable gift coming to mark the day, and the wicked movie coming out, 20 years after i was first belting along to the soundtrack in my college dorm room, alone over thanksgiving break. (i won't be seeing wicked on my birthday, but because regal sometimes opens movies here a day early on thursdays, it will premiere on my birthday. i love that.)

a lot about this year, heading into turning 40, has been really hard. i lost my little ghost cat, bailey, in january--and mellie's son sebastian, who brought bailey to us in the first place...we lost him right before halloween. pretty horrible bookends to 2024. and now, bonus fascism! that's just hovering, a january storm cloud i'm ignoring until it's here.

so, i can't say 40 is gonna be fantastic. or, 2025 will be my best year yet! or anything else silly, like the hopeful things i remember proclaiming as we were heading into 2020. i'm sure i believed them at the time, very sincerely--but the universe gave us a pandemic instead, among so much else. that was not a year of joy.

what i can say, and be grateful for, is that i'm about to be 40 years old. and when i was a child, and i tried to imagine my life someday, it was a big expanse of nothingness. it wasn't that i was pessimistic about my future, or even that i didn't know what i wanted. i literally couldn't imagine myself as an adult, living in the world, having any life different from the way things had always been for me, growing up. i couldn't see it.

so i genuinely, fiercely, painfully believed that meant that i must not be fated to live to see adulthood. to have any kind of future. i was very much an anne shirley kind of child, and i blame my fanciful imagination for that sense of certain doom, but i did believe it. i never expected to make it this far.

despite that, despite everything, here i am. raising kittens and seeing musicals and being celebrated by a chosen family who both love and like me, for who i actually am. i have a room of my own and the choice of how i spend my time, and i'm needed in the world. i'll never run out of things to learn, and make, and new friends to meet. no matter what's coming, i still do love my small, valuable life.

a lot can happen in 40 years, i now know from experience. i'm going to try and keep making mine better.

[emmaelt]

On ADHD and time blindness

Time is such a funny concept to me.

It is going to be 2025 quite soon, and yet I am still stuck on the fact that it is next year and thus must be really far away. This concept of years feels so slow to me, but actually years are more fluid than I think they are, not blocks of their own but interconnected and only separated by the gap between one second and the next.

I have an issue with delayed gratification - it's so hard to motivate myself for some concept of the future that I can't even begin to grasp, that makes it so I want the thing now.

The other thing is that time doesn't always feel like it's taking the same space. One 5 minutes can stretch indefinitely, and the next can be so fast I don't notice it passing. I know this is about how distracted I am (bored is slow, engaged is fast) but also about my energy levels, the weather, where I am in my cycle, who I'm with. I'm not sure if this is an 'that's how everyone feels!' thing, or just a me thing.

Dr Devon Price talks about how neurodivergent people see time in chapter 6 of the book 'Unmasked', and introduces Rose's spiral rather than linear progression as the concept of time. It's been really interesting for me to understand that time does not have to be linear, but also really shocking for me to realise that actually I have never seen time like that! Time either is extremely slow, or it is much too fast. I simultaneously feel as if I have been 34 for years, and that I was just in Japan celebrating my birthday with my friends. There is no inbetween. I also feel 5, 16, 27, and 34 all at once. In fact, I actually also feel about 107, but I think that's because I didn't know I was neurodivergent until this year...

I get 'waiting mode' like many neurodivergent people, but mine has a tinge of rush to it, where I either cannot do a single thing or I must do all of the things. For example, I have an appointment with my personal trainer at 11am, I need to leave by 10:30, and I am a morning person - therefore I must have done all of my chores at lightning speed before 9am so I can sit and wait for an hour and a half? Why can I not pace them out and not exhaust myself? Why can I not do anything closer to the time?

There's also a part of me - that I think has always been there but was made worse by the events of 2015 (mainly the results of the American election) - where I feel as if the world will end before the thing I'm waiting for happens. This fatalist approach makes me mourn the things that I therefore think won't ever get to happen to me in particular, as well as to the world... I want everything to happen now so I don't miss it. The other part of it as well is that I am not expecting my brain to allow me to enjoy the thing by the time it does eventually happen - e.g. I am currently hyperfixated on Bridgerton, and season 4 may come by the time my brain decides I am no longer allowed to watch things again.

Going back to spiral time, my brain makes connections between supposedly random (to others) things, that feel so correct to me. Perhaps it's neurodivergence, synesthesia or similar. Certain months have connections - February and November have the same vibe to me, like siblings. June and December, though the weather is so different, feel the same somehow. I have it with numbers, textures, colours. I think it's also why I like certain harmonies in music over others, certain chord structures feel correct.

[sukajunin]

28 club

As I approach the cusp of my 28th year, I find myself in a familiar contemplation, attempting to rack my head for the perfect summary of the last 365 days. It’s as if I’m striving to construct an intricate mosaic, each fragment representing the lessons learned and the things experienced. Instead, the process feels more comparable to completing a puzzle where I have lost the guiding picture on the front of the box.

Every year I turn older, I try to do this - at least for the latter stages of my twenties - and I inevitably find myself at a dead end. I’m not entirely sure why I put so much pressure on myself to recount the past year, but perhaps the impending anniversary of my birth beckons me to ponder not just the present, but the past in particular. This inbetween connects me to the years gone by, a time when anything was possible, and life’s tribulations were yet to reveal its ugly truths to me. 

Birthdays always remind me of my fleeting youth, which is why I don’t find myself celebrating it much. Even though 28 is still considered a young age, I can’t help but to observe how life’s subtle changes accumulate. Every year, there is always something that puts my aging body and soul (gosh, I’m so dramatic) into perspective. From the obvious increase of the number of candles on the cake, to the decreasing number of birthday messages (because only the true OGs will remember your special day when you finally turn off the Facebook Birthdays feature). 

This year, I’m reminded that it has been a decade since my high school graduation. I’m struck by the passage of time and I started to believe that, for some reason, life was much better then. But more than that, I recognise that the fondness I feel for that chapter isn’t about yearning for the past - it’s a reminder that life is a fucking complex work of mosaic that requires both joyous colours and colours of hardship. 

Of course, only some small parts of the past were better because it wouldn’t be life if it were not met without its share of struggles. The absence of adulting responsibilities like paying rent and bills was great, but it was nicely balanced by the weight of familial turbulence (nothing like a good divorce in the family to really humble yourself).

Because the truth is, life can only be understood backward; but it must be lived forward.

This decade has been more than a journey - it’s been a metamorphosis, like Hilary Duff’s greatest album of all time. Each year, each step, has contributed to a deeper understanding of who I am and where I’m headed. It’s natural to linger on the past, to find solace in its known contours, but I’ve learned that true growth lies in embracing the unknown future.

Now that I’m closer to 30 than I am to 20 (damn, wow), the rearview mirror reveals a landscape of memories. There’s an allure in nostalgia, like seeing a Discman in a museum, which is crazy to say the least, but it can sometimes paint a rosier picture than reality. Remember: objects in the mirror may appear closer than it seems. Or rather, the past seems brighter than it actually was. 

But amid all this, I realise that the present often demands more attention than I grant it. It’s tempting to compare my trajectory to others’, especially in the age of “transparent” social media, but I’ve come to accept that my journey is uniquely my own. People like to tell me: “Can you believe it’s been a year?” And because I enjoy self-deprecating jokes, I add: “I know, what have I even done with my life?”

I’ve had moments of achievements and even self-discovery in the last few years, but it’s still human of me to question if this is progress and to wonder whether I’ve done enough. I have to remind myself that I’ve written a narrative that’s distinctly mine and what I consider as being “behind” might be different for someone else. Where are we going anyway? Is there a chequered flag with free-flowing champagne waiting for us at the end of this race that we call life? 

In a few days, I’ll gift myself not just another year, but a reminder to be present - to appreciate the beauty in the here and now, as banal as it sounds. No one is keeping track of what I have done or haven’t done, except for me. Even the setbacks have contributed to the bigger image of the mosaic of my life. The measure of my worth isn’t confined to societal markers; it’s a reflection of the person I’ve become, the lessons I’ve learned, and the thoughts and actions I’ve been exposed to.

So, as I pen this chapter and embrace another revolution around the sun, I offer a piece of advice to my younger, more stupid self: Trust the journey, for it is yours and yours alone. Embrace the open road of existence with curiosity and resilience. Happy birthday to you, and may you learn to love the future, and appreciate the present, as much as you do the past. 

[let-the-living-beware]

Happy Birthday

TW; Death, Violence

Is live even worth living anymore?

I've been asking myself this question a lot since his death. It happened the night before my birthday, and I can't stand this day. Everyone is delighted for me. All of the servants congratulated me, and gifts from many big names in the demon world arrived, but I couldn't appreciate them at all. All of my thoughts had been laid by that day, which had only been a few hours ago.

Now I at here, trying to forget all of it. I felt numb and hollow. My best friend was gone, forever and nothing I could do would bring him back. I was about to star crying again, when I heard a small creak from my door.

When I looked up, I noticed a silhouette in the doorframe. Someone's silhouette I didn't want to see. "Happy birthday, big brother," he said sarcastically as he approached me. "What do you want, Reiji?" I asked, "Giving you your present, of course." He smiled at me and held a plushie in front of my face. It had the same hair color as Edgar and the same eyes.

I said a quiet "thank you," but Reiji had already turned around. As he walked towards the door, he said something under his breath. "What did you say?" I asked as I rose from my bed. "I said you're pathetic for being a friend and even mourning the death of a human; I'm glad he died in that fire," he retold his sentence, and a sudden anger came up in me as I realised what he just said.

I approached him and punched the black haired boy in the face as hard as I could, knocking him to the ground. Said person looked up at me in surprise before leaping at me and yanking me down by the waist. He hit me repeatedly while I struggled to get him off of me. "It's all your fault! It's because of you, mother despises me!" Reiji yelled at me before being dragged away by someone.

A woman with red hair and golden eyes stood behind him. A founder? I asked myself, but couldn't elaborate because my uncle kneeled in front of me. "Are you okay?" Cecil asked, and all the anger in my body vanished. "What have I done?" I asked, tears streaming down my cheeks as I hugged him. Cecil patted my back a bit before standing up, handing me the little rabbit and walking up to Reiji.

"Is he okay, Laiko?" he asked the woman. She nodded and continued to speak to him. Reiji, on the other hand, looked at me with pure hatred in his eyes. I was about to say something when another pat on the back of my head interrupted me. I looked to my right, expecting to see my mother, but there was no one there.

To this day I like to imagine that it was Edgar saying his last goodbye.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Jamil, Sebek: How the Other Half Lives

I’m going to attempt to write a short fic about each birthday boy and their interviewer for the second set of birthday cards. These fics won’t necessarily be set on a birthday, but could be leading up to it or set after the party (since the Union birthday cards already tell a complete story from start to end). We’ll just have to see how things pan out!

First up, Jamil and Sebek! Two servants with two very different views on their masters...

Unrelated side note: it’s funny how Jamil says he would want to be in Ignihyde, but he’s celebrating his birthday kidnapped and being held in a dark room until Idia pulls up to experiment on him--

***Mild Happy Beans Day! Lyreless Brawl, Camp Vargas, and Scalding Sands Fireworks events spoilers! + Jamil Union Birthday card spoilers!***

Imagine this...

Kalim pressed a warm, wet washcloth against Jamil’s cheek. Moving in a circular motion, Kalim gently swept away the clouds of whipped cream dotting the grimacing birthday boy’s face--casualties of an annual tradition. Afterwards, he wrung the dirtied cloth over a bucket, coloring the water within a milky white.

Plip, plop. Drops rippled in its surface, the disturbed face of a mirror, before the contents of the bucket stilled once more.

Jamil caught a glimpse of his reflection. His face had slightly slimmed over the course of the past year. His eyes, sharper, and his hair, longer--now reaching the small of his back. It was still him in every sense.

Older, wiser.

More crafty.

“Sebek got you good, huh?” Kalim laughed, clapping his friend on the back. “And it looks like you got Sebek good too!”

“He got what was coming to him,” Jamil said flatly. His eyes briefly passed over to the aforementioned first year, who was busy cleaning himself up from the aftermath of retaliation. Jamil allowed himself a small smirk, relishing in his victory.

“Gahahah! Well, as long as you’re enjoying yourself, then I’m happy.” Kalim hung his washcloth on the rim of the bucket and straightened. “You haven’t had the chance to eat anything yet, right? Since you just got pied, how about some pie?”

“Pie is the last thing I want to see right now.”

“Okay, so a slice of cake instead! I’ll grab you one, just wait right here!”

“That’s kind of you, but I’m capable of fetching my own... aaand he’s gone.” Jamil held his head in his hands and sighed. Kalim had dashed off halfway through his sentence, making a beeline toward a table filled with food and crowded with party guests.

Best to not interfere... Not that interfering would stop him.

“Ohoh! I’m jealous of you, Jamil-senpai!”

His eyes cut to the owner of the booming voice--Sebek. “... Really, now? Jealous of me? I can’t imagine why.”

“Is it not clear?” Sebek clenched a hand into a fist. “To have your master fret for your wellbeing...! Being personally wiped up and hand-delivered food from one’s master...!! Are you not overjoyed?! THERE CAN BE NO GREATER HONOR!!”

Jamil winced at his spiking volume, his mouth pursing into a frown. “I’m absolutely overflowing with happiness. Can’t you tell that I’m ecstatic?”

He paused, just to let the sarcasm-soaked words sink into his junior’s mind. Then Jamil spat, “Those are normal, everyday things. I do not see what is considered to be an ‘honor’ there.”

“Tsk! You are ungrateful for your blessings!” Sebek scoffed, eyebrows angrily knitting together. “Or is it that you have become so accustomed to Kalim-senpai’s kindness that it no longer fazes you?! Oh, what I would give to have been childhood friends with the Young Master... Yet here you are, taking it for granted!! FOR SHAME!!”

“You seem to be misunderstanding a great number of things.” Jamil groaned, shaking his head. “To begin with, we did not choose to be ‘friends’. It was a fate already determined for us from the moment we came into this world. Secondly, that kindness of Kalim’s that you speak of is more of a hinderance than a help. And lastly...”

His eyes shone darkly.

“My position is certainly no blessing.”

Sebek looked aghast. “You don’t mean that!! There is nothing more grand than protecting and serving one’s master!”

“For you, perhaps. But consider that not everyone possesses the same mindset as yourself.” Jamil folded his arms, his gaze turning steely. “You chose your life of knighthood. My fate is already laid out for me. The same one as my ancestors, and surely the same as future incarnations of the Viper clan. Forever bound to the Asims... Servants in the shadows. Surely you can see why I would have my reservations.”

“Hmph! If you are unhappy, then you do not deserve to serve as you currently do. Simply resign, and allow Kalim-senpai to find a more fitting candidate!”

“If that were possible, I would have done so long ago.” A barely discernable bitterness had seeped into Jamil’s voice. The slight, metallic tang of poison slipped into one’s drink. “Kalim can only live as carefreely as he does because he is ignorant. He will never truly understand me.”

Through clear skies and rain, the sun ultimately cares not for the shadows it casts. It shines superficially, its golden light gilded.

“... That’s not true.”

“What?”

“I said,” Sebek bellowed, “THAT’S NOT TRUE AT ALL, JAMIL-SENPAI!!”

He jolted back, startled by the loud declaration. “You... What would you know? You barely understand my predicament yourself.”

“It’s true that the Young Master and I lack the same history that you and Kalim-senpai do. Even so...!! That is all the more reason for you to be open with one another!!!”

“Open with one another? You must be joking. As if Kalim could possibly--”

“How do you know?” Sebek demanded, cutting him off. “How do you know if you’ve never tried?!”

“That’s...” Jamil faltered with his words.

The first year continued. “Though I have devoted my life to the Young Master, I do not claim to know him in his entirety. There is so much more I have yet to learn. So much more I want to learn. With every new detail gleaned, I find myself respecting the Young Master more and more. That’s why... you should make the effort as well, Jamil-senpai!”

“I can already name Kalim’s likes, dislikes, fears, and faults off the top of my head.”

“Surface level details!” Sebek slammed a hand against his chest--over his heart. “I doubt you have ever had a true heart-to-heart. Expressing your genuine, most raw emotions to one another... Then, and only then, can you ‘understand’.”

This coming from the person who cried because he was not on the same team as Malleus-senpai... And threw a fit when he had to leave for camping and leave his Dorm Leader unattended to... And cried again because the cookie he was gifted from Malleus-senpai was crushed...

“... Why does it matter to you that I do this? Worry about yourself and your ‘Young Master’.”

“Hmph! Is it so wrong of me to wish the birthday boy happiness?”

“You think I will find happiness in understanding Kalim? And in him understanding me?” Challenge rose in Jamil’s tone. “Is that right?”

“You won’t know until you try. Admitting defeat before even attempting... that is a COWARD’S way out!”

“Are you calling me a coward?”

“I’m calling on you to change. It is a new year, full of new possibilities. There is no better time to improve oneself--so you can look back on your next birthday, and be proud!”

“Sebek... ” Jamil closed his eyes. For a moment, he looked thoughtful. Contemplating something he alone could fathom. When his eyes flared open again, they glittered with mischief. “I appreciate the advice. Let me thank you for it with another free pie to the face.”

“Wha--”

SPLAT!!

Fast as a viper lashing out, Jamil grabbed a whipped cream pie from a nearby table and chucked it at Sebek. It was a direct hit on the unsuspecting first year, who stumbled back from the impact, his back slamming into the wall. Cream clung to Sebek’s eyebrows, cheeks, and chin, giving the appearance of bushy white brows and a beard.

“YOU COWARD, GOING FOR A SNEAK ATTACK!!” he roared. “YOU SHALL RECEIVE YOUR COMEUPPANCE--”

“Sorry for taking so long, Jamil!” Kalim cried, skidding inbetween the two boys. He balanced a large slice of cake in his hands, a fork piercing it. “I saw some friends at the food table and got caught up in talking to them!”

“... Eh? Am I interrupting something?” The Scarabia Dorm Leader paused, glancing back and forth between Jamil and Sebek. Then, Kalim broke out into a wide smile. “Ohhhh, I get it! You’re making a new friend! Gahahah! That’s great, Jamil!!”

“Right... Friend.”

More like another headache and a half.

[checkmatein3moves]

fairytale noir!?? i love him he needs all the warmth and affection🥰🥰🥰

hbd — noir

You haven't seen him drink a drop of alcohol all night; the dazed look on his face might be concerning otherwise, but as it is, only stirs up a persistent contentment in your chest. There's pink frosting on the lapel of his suit, and you watch from an observational distance as Hebe reaches out to scrape it off with an orange fingernail, wiping it on the tablecloth beside her. You’re too far away to hear their conversation, but instead of the awkward apology and retreat you used to expect from Noir, he laughs. They both laugh. Your best friend and your new spark of hope. 

It still catches you off guard to see Noir smiling. Truly smiling, not the old grin-grimace that made you wonder how many times he’d been told that happiness was a luxury that he didn’t deserve. Though he still has a long way to go towards eliminating most of his tricky habits, you’ve wormed your way through the cracks in his façade and dragged him lovingly into your world.

You watch him openly as he takes his leave of Hebe and approaches you, still feeling the primal pang of joy you felt the day he first gave into himself — the stark realisation of a lover knowing that their happiness does live in another, and that they can finally see it reflected back at them. There is little of his old agitation in him as he visibly suppresses the urge to yank down a streamer hanging low enough to brush the crown of his head, brushing his fingers against the fragile paper in apology for disturbing it instead. 

“Everything is so perfect,” he says for perhaps the hundredth time tonight as he settles on the bench beside you. “And you’re sure this was no trouble? I hate — well, hate is a strong word —” he corrects himself. “ — putting up party decorations. They’re flimsy and I’m always too short to reach the ceiling without a stepladder. Not to mention having to choose the colour scheme...” 

He trails off sheepishly. “I’m complaining too much. Minutes after Hebe told me to stop complaining about how old I am. I wish I could say that was a personal record.” 

You chuckle. “I just wanted you to have a good birthday, Noir. Setting up was fun — because I knew the end result would be making you happy.” 

You decide to leave out the part about Windo climbing on Hebe’s shoulders as the two teamed up to hang a wreath of plastic flowers around a hanging ceiling light. In their defence, it would have gone swimmingly had Hebe not slipped on a stray piece of confetti and almost sent them both flying. 

He’s silent then. He doesn’t even need to tear his eyes away from the decorations to slip his hand into yours, his fingers already knowing the perfect pathways to get inbetween yours. The awe on his face is reminiscent of a child — the child he never got to be — as he wraps his head around the fact that he’s worthy of celebration. 

“It looks just like something out of a fairytale,” he mutters, confusion mixing in with his happiness. “I used to hate fairytales. Obviously. Stupid cliches. Stupid, naive, happy people. Easy resolutions — well, actually, I think that part still stands. It’s always too easy in the fairytales.” He shakes his head at his own ability to follow his thoughts astray. “But I do need to stop hating things. Maybe as a birthday resolution? Though, whenever I say it out loud, twenty-eight sounds so—”  

You give him a pointed look. 

He smiles. “Young. Like I have my entire life ahead of me.” 

[91percentpynch]

jean moreau x pride months

happy pride month kids, here‘s some wholesome jerejean content for your soul!! does this make any sense? no. is it a mess? yes. hope you enjoy this!!

the first pride month

it‘s the beginning of june and jeremy starts acting weird

he smiles more, the real smile normally reserved for winning an exy game or when he‘s alone with jean

he started drawing flags on his face or on his eye lids, jeremy never wore make-up, not more than his usual eyeliner and nail polish

„what does that mean?“, jean asks, pointing at the flags on his cheeks.

„the pink, yellow, blue one means i‘m pan. you know, i like more than one gender, i told you that already. and the grey, purple, white and black one that looks like an arrow? that means i‘m demisexual, you know how i only feel sexual attraction to people i have a bond with? that‘s demisexual. those are pride flags, it‘s pride month. didn‘t you know that?“

of course jean didn‘t know, after all he was locked up in a bassement for 10 years and he didn‘t exactly talk the first time he came over here last year at the end of june.

„what‘s pride month?“, jean asked softly, knowing that jeremy would never judge him, never think he was stupid.

„it‘s a month for lgbtqa+ folks. that stands for lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgender, questioning, asexuals, aromantics and everything inbetween. we celebrate ourselves this month, show how proud we are of ourselves and our community. we celebrate marsh johnson, the black transgender, gay sex worker who started the riots, stonewell, and basically threw a brick at a police officer and started the fight for gay rights“

„how do you know you‘re not straight?“, jean asked quietly. thinking about the way his mind keeps wandering back to jeremy, keeps wandering back to the thought of kissing him, holding his hand, the feeling of his soft, badly dyed ginger hair between his fingers.

„well i always payed more attention to the personality, than the gender. i never really cared what‘s between the legs. and it took me quite a while to figure out that i only feel sexual attraction to people when i have a connection to them“

„have you ever kissed a guy?“, jean asked, curiously now. in the nest it was forbidden, but kevin wanted to try it once, in the dark of the night, the saftey of their room. jean couldn‘t tell if he enjoyed it or not, he never really felt any kind of attraction really. only bone deep fear. burning anger. and whatever the fuck his heart was doing when kevin held him close.

„yeah, i had a boyfriend throughout highschool, sophmore year until the end of summer of our senior year. and then freshman year of college i had this girlfriend who was really controlling and yeah. that‘s it. have you?“, his voice was soft, it reminded jean of the sunlight forming some kind of halo behind jeremy.

„kevin wanted to try it once. riko caught us. that‘s how it began“, jean replied, a shadow crossing over both his and jeremy‘s face. in a moment of weakness, at the beginning, jean told jeremy what they did to him in the nest, after jeremy accidentally touched him from behind.

„do you want to try it again?“, jeremy asked, a small smile on his lips. „with me, that is“, he added, barely audible.

„okay“, jean replied, leaning in.

jean was a couple inches taller than jeremy, and jeremy had to stand on his tiptoes to close the last few inches between them.

it was a soft kiss, a different than the stolen ones from kevin. better. these tasted like sunlight, like warmth, like home.

jean kissed jeremy back. carefully, softly, being scared he would break him, destroy him with his darkness.

„how was it?“, jeremy smiled at him after they were done, exchanging kisses, not stealing them. they were equals, no one would hurt him for wanting this

„i think i‘m only attracted to you“, jean admitted quietly. „but like not sexually. i don‘t like sex. never did. i never thought anyone was sexually attractive, i never wanted this and i still don‘t. i‘m sorry“

„you don‘t have to apologize, jean. that‘s being called asexual, the lack of sexual attraciton that is. and the not wanting sex part? sex repulsed. very valid. i will never be like them, i will never force you to do anyhting you‘re not comfortable with“

„and what if you miss having sex and want it and i can‘t give it to you?“, jean asked, tears burning behind his eyes. „i‘m not worth of your light, your warmth, your love as it is. i‘m broken, i‘m dark, i‘m everything you don‘t deserve. you deserve someone who is fixed and happy and can give you the entire world and go places without a panic attack and and and“

„ssh, jean. it‘s alright. it‘s alright. i want you. no one but you. i really, really like you and i am glad you like me to. you‘re not broken, you‘re not dark. you are wonderful. and no one is fixed, we‘re all a little broken in our own ways. i struggled with an eating disorder. i have adhd. sometimes i feel a little sad without any reason and can‘t get out of bed. sometimes i can‘t sleep and other days i could sleep for days. i don‘t need the entire world, i just need you“

it was this june, about a year after jean arrived in california, that he not only found a person who saw more in him than his scars, but a person who loved him not despite of them but for them

the second pride month

it‘s been a year since jean and jeremy kissed for the first time. a year full of highs and lows, fights and making up, miscommunication and cuddles, sweet kisses and ones tasting of tears. but it was also the year jean figured out that he might not be a boy after all.

„do you ever feel like you‘re not a entirely a boy?“, jean asked softly, threading his fingers through jeremy‘s soft blonde hair.

„dude, i‘m genderfluid, remember? alvarez bursted in our room and threw these in our face so people could refer to me with the right pronouns“

„that‘s why you changed your middle name to sol isn‘t it? because you like the sun and you like your hispanic heritage and it‘s a female name?“

„exactamente mi corazón“

„what are you today?“, jean asked softly, as he did every day.

„they/them, i don‘t feel like a guy or a girl today. just vibing“

„i- i think i‘m not entirely a boy either. like i know i was born as a boy and i‘m okay with that. but i feel like there‘s more to that. i can‘t put it in words but i think i want to try to go by he/ they. what do you call those people who don‘t quite find in the binary? i think i‘m that“

„that‘s nonbinary darling. i‘m proud of you. you‘re doing great“

jean didn‘t know how to repeat to that so he just decided to pull jeremy closer to him.

this pride month jean found a little part of himself, another puzzle piece to the mystery that his own person and it felt like a tiny little step towards a future he never dreamt he would have.

it was also the month he started wearing nail polish, because he loved the look on jeremy‘s face when they did them. occasionally he will wear some eyeliner.

the third pride month

another year passed, this year jean got himself a support dog. to help with the anxiety attacks. to help him heal.

it‘s a dalmatiner, called luna. she was trained to feel when he is uncomfortable and come closer to him, licking his hands, being close, being there

it is also the month he wanted to join jeremy for pride

„what are you today?“

„a girl i think. jeremy or sol are both fine“

„will you draw the flags on my face?“, he asked on the day of the parade.

„are you sure you want to go honey?“, sol asked softy, while she went to the bathroom to get her things.

„would i have asked if it wasn‘t moi amour?“, jean replied. „wait hold on, don‘t answer that“, he laughed looking at jeremy‘s face.

„but i‘m sure. first of all it makes you happy. second of all you missed it the last two years. third of all it will piss kevin off and i love that almost as much as i love. and lastly i have luna, she makes sure i‘m fine and i can always leave when i feel uncomfortable“

„okay, babe. what do you want me to do?“

„i want my flags on my face and maybe you can do my nails“, jean replied, smiling at jeremy as he did ever so often. „cover the tatoo, will you?“, he asked softly, touching the cursed three, counting the days for his cover up appointment in july.

„it‘s soon gone honey. it‘s gonna be alright“, jeremy whispered, feeling the tension in jean‘s shoulders.

„which color do you want your nails? mine are pastel rainbow look! alvarez got me those for my birthday last month! do you want matching nails?“

„whatever you want darling, you can choose“

„neat!“

this year jeremy‘s hair were a soft pink. it was 2 am when he bursted into the room whisper shouting „jean i‘m gay i must do something drastic to my hair. help me?“ and who was jean to question his beautiful date mate.

so jeremy took jean‘s face carefully in his hands, starting to draw jean‘s pride flags (demiromantic, asexual, nonbinary) on his face, hiding his tattoo underneath the black/ white/grey/ purple stripes of the asexual pride flag.

„they have no power over you anymore mi corazón. and if anyone gives you shit i will come for them“, jeremy whisperes against jean‘s lips before softly kissing them. „and now give me your beautiful hands so i can do your nails. i‘m feeling a pastel rainbow“

for the parade jean is wearing one of the shirts jeremy got him. it‘s yellow with a rainbow on it. „so you have a little brightness in your life“, he would tell him when he go it for him. it was before they started dating. it was before jean was able to tell him „but you are the brightest thing in the world and somehow you chose me as your person“, paired with light blue ripped jeans and his yellow fans. they started wearing yellow when they came to california, cutting off black completely, replacing it with colors and brightness.

jeremy on the other hand wore rainbow dungarees with a white shirt and white doc martens. his hair was up in two space buns, little pride flags put into them.

„do you think they get the hint?“, she smiled with a blinding smile.

„you‘re so unbelieveably beautiful sol“, jean replied.

they got luna and went to the parade.

it was scary, yes. but it was also beautiful.

people approaching them, asking for selfies, talking to him.

at first he was a bit anxious, but sol took their hand and luna licked his feet and it was alright. no one was hurting him. no one would punish him. he was surrounded by pride and love and happiness.

at some point he asked a girl with rainbow hair, she reminded him of renee, if she could take a picture of him and jeremy. she said yes, took one of them smiling, one of them kissing, and one of them where jeremy just smiled at his person.

it was the pride month he came out via social media. it was the pride month kevin called at two am, telling him how happy he was for them. that he himself found a boy, fell for him, but is too much a coward to do something about it. it‘s the year where he gets a lot of love, many fans telling him how proud they are of him and at least the same amount of hate. but it was alright. they had jeremy and that was all that truly mattered.

now

year after year they returned to the pride parade, with flags on their faces, or around their shoulders

sometimes neil and andrew or aaron and kevin would join them, sometimes they would go with laila and alvarez and sometimes jean and jeremy would go on their own

after college jean quit exy, jeremy went pro and gave his money to moriyamas, while jean opened his own tattoo studio, wrote songs, wrote crappy poetry and slightly better novels, tried himself as a part time model and fashion designer

they found happiness and home in each other and celebrated their love not only in pride but also every single day of the year

jean and jeremy got more dogs, an apartment of their own with big windows so they could watch the sunrise and sunset together

they have their ups and downs, like every other couple, but that doesn‘t matter. never did. what truly matters is that they keep finding back to each other. that they keep ending up in the same bed, in each others arms.

jean moreau never believed in love, never believed in soulmates and yet he found their soulmate, found the love of his life. and they are happy they stayed, kept fighting, to find this. to make a difference to the world. to be finally free. to be alive, living instead of only existing.

„jean?“, jermey says, fidgeting with his fingers.

„what is it moi soleil?“, jean relies getting lost in these ocean blue eyes.

„do you remember what happened five years ago?“, jeremy asks, his eyes looking anywhere but jean.

„we kissed for the first time?“, jean answers, panic slowly crawling through his veins.

„exactly so i thought we could celebrate this at the beach. you know, where our first date was?“, jeremy says nervously.

„honey are you alrighgt?“, jean is getting more and more worried, jeremy has never been that nervous.

„sure, come on mi corazón“

so jean slowly gets up and carefully puts on his shoes. something is weird here, something is wrong

jeremy seems off the entire ride to the beach they had their first date at.

when they arrive jean takes jeremy‘s hand, noticing that they are shaking ever so slightly. it is something like a nervous tick of them.

jean and jeremy arrive at the beach in time to watch the sun setting, making place for her lover the moon.

jean looks over to jeremy, when they suddenly get up and start pacing.

„jer, you‘re scaring me. please tell me what‘s going on up there“, jean says touching his head lightly.

„okay. i can do this“, jeremy mumbles as he gets down on his knee. „jean moreau, you are the love of my life. the light of my existence. ever since i saw you for the first time i knew i liked you, more than i was supposed to. i never dared to hope you would ever like me, or love me for that matter, but somehow you did. somehow you didn‘t turn away when i told you i‘m demi or pan or genderfluid. you stayed. you supported me. you love me. and i want to spend the rest of my life with you, so do me the favour and in the name of god, should they exist, do me the favour and marry me“

jean feels tears running his cheeks. „of course i will marry you, you loser“, he laughs, as he pulls jeremy down to him and connects their lips together. and it feels like their first kiss. it always does. and they would do that for the rest of their lives.

[yeoldontknow]

❧ check in tag

tagged by the sweetest angel @propinqxity to do this little tag. this is such a cute list of questions, and some of these i dont think ive been asked before. thank you so much for the tag and the tumblr crush mention lovely. you truly are a bright spot on this website and i mean that sincerely <333

going under a cut because im certain i will ramble ~

1. Why did you choose this url?

its sort of like a pun between yall dont know and the fact that, hopefully, sincerely, chanyeol does not in fact know that i run this blog lmao i changed to this after a long time of being bread-jinie and i wanted to rebrand. i will, however, do my best to never change URLs again because the masterlist switch over was a complete hassle

2. Any sideblogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them

i have a fic recs blog called @yeoldontknowiread. as to why i have it, i know it hasnt been updated in ages since ive been kind of on hiatus, but i think reading and sharing work on this platform is immensely important. i actually read quite a lot of fanfiction, and i try my best to share the things i read. im very very behind on recs at the moment cause i try my best to write something substantial for every recommendation i make. as a writer, i know exactly the kinds of thoughts and feedback on fics that make my heart soar so i try to put in the same energy to my recs. community is only fostered when there is reciprocation

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

hmmm since april 2017. i actually had my 4 year anniversary this year and i did have plans for things but i got roped into real life things and couldnt celebrate the way i truly wanted to :(

4. Do you have a queue tag?

no but sometimes i think i should. i view tags as a library on top of my knee jerk response to things. most of my tags are just my initial thoughts or feelings at any given moment, so those take precedence over a specific queue tag

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

when i was getting into exo, i was reading fanfiction like crazy. i used to write fanfic quite a lot in other fandoms, but at that time i hadnt written anything in about 2.5 years. exo was the first re-introduction to that feeling of excitement and inspiration. after about 3 weeks of straight reading, i decided i wanted to write again. i wrote the prologue to hero in about two hours and tried logging into AO3 to post it. sadly i forgot all of my log in information because it had been years, and was getting frustrated. i really wanted to put it somewhere out of fear that id lose interest if i didnt do something with it, and everything id read had been on tumblr. so i made a tumblr just to put hero lmao i didnt have any mutuals. it was a blog with straight 0. i hadnt even created an account to interact with writers before that moment, i really thought id be a silent reader forever. but exo woke me back up and for that i am eternally grateful.

6. Why did you choose your icon?

the yours music video is...so stunning? like the colour theory throughout the whole thing is truly so inspiring and gorgeous. and this shot of chanyeol looking at the painting took my breath away, truly. tulips and the color of peach, like do you know how evocative that is? ugh

7. Why did you choose your header

my header was made by @jamaisjoons for my birthday this year because shes literally the most talented person when it comes to graphics. and this was so kind of her to do, i cried a lot

8. What's your post with the most notes?

uhm....either the body through time or truth i cant remember which but i checked recently and its one of those

9. How many mutuals do you have?

honestly at this point im not even sure. i know ive lost a bunch while i was on hiatus because i was basically a dead blog, and some people do dash cleanses. and im certain others have left, too, for their own reasons. still, i have a good core of friends though who are active and that is enough for me

10. How many followers do you have?

more than i probably deserve

11. How many people do you follow?

399

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

uhm i guess? there was a time when nng was not updated and every wednesday id post the days go by music video in sadness and grief but im not a big shitposter. if i make a text post its usually a life update or me crying about chanyeol, theres no inbetween lmao

13. How often do you use Tumblr every day?

tbh i havent used tumblr that often, not since march i think. i used to use it many times a day, checking in on friends and stuff, but once i started focusing on my phd applications i was only here sporadically. i didnt make an announcement either, just let my blog run on queue so i wasnt totally gone. i think i was checking in twice a week or maybe once every two weeks to refill my queue and check mentions etc. but now that my interviews are done im trying to get back on here daily to reconnect

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

ive had my share of disagreements with people and any details about those situations shall remain as they are meant to: private

15. How do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts?

in what context? like, you need to reblog this or your wish wont come true? or like, please reblog this to spread the word/spread awareness, etc? in the case for the former, i scroll right by. in the case of the latter, if im around and see someone raising a go fund me or some major event is occurring and i find a post with good sources or charities i will reblog. mostly though, the full extent my activism isnt really on this blog. its my escape from reality. my activism is usually placed on other platforms.

16. Do you like tag games?

i doooo!!! theyre so fun i love learning about my friends

17. do you like ask games?

i love those too! theyre so cute and usually a nice way to have interaction immediacy with people in the community

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

no one. can we please abandon this notion of fame on tumblr? arent we all here to write about some dick and some smut and some fluff and then hang out together and log off? lmao tumblr isnt reality and followers/fame is so arbitrary on this platform, no one has any control over any of it

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

i am in love with so many people here. let me name a few:

@yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @j-pping @jamaisjoons @inkedtae @kookdiaries @yoonia @dulcetvk @kithtaehyung @imdifferentshadesofpurple @ditzymax @sugaurora @sahmbtsficrecs @junghelioseok @yeojaa @augustbutwinter @joonscore @btssavedmylifeblr @cutechim @sunshinekims @kimtaehyunq @ouvuo @delhyun @exo-stentialism @sooibian @softyoongiionly @jinseunie @zibermuda @bratkook @1kook @luffles424 @xjoonchildx

and so many other people and mutuals that i am certainly forgetting. love is such an expansive feeling, and it encompasses platonic ardor and creative desire. i admire every single person listed for so many different reasons, and cherish and treasure them or what they provide to the community. love is such an important and broad experience. truly, i hope they feel adored every single day x

[thetimelordbatgirl]

Random scattered thoughts about D3 under the cut

*The fact that everyone has basically abandoned Audrey though......where goodness doesn't get better? More like 'we'll abandon you once your dumped by our king and also rub it in your face that you couldn't hold a prince like your mother could'- also Audrey knows about the love spell and WHY Mal did it, but if that's the, case then everyone knows and still doesn't care that Mal did that- like the one person with brain cells is Audrey and shes the villain of this movie.

*Queen of Mean is a bop though- its one of the only valid songs in this movie, but also with the evil laughter almost that could be heard BEFORE Audrey puts on the crown, it makes me wonder if they planned to have Audrey be possessed after all.

*One Kiss is literally just gay panic the song, no I don't take arguments its literally Evie in gay panic mode and its Disney having to do that one heterosexual song to remind us that no, only heterosexual couples are valid in this universe- also despite dating for three years, Evie struggles to tell Doug she loves him and even doesn't believe her true loves kiss wont work???? WOW- can we say, clearly goals to have a relationship where bae stalks you originally and you struggle to tell him you love him after three years of dating and after sharing a cottage with him?

*Night Falls is a cool song, but I love how as soon as Uma tries to lead, Mal gets bitchy and acts like she can lead a sword fight better then a pirate captain could- like, mal chill, your not queen yet.

*Mal as Hades daughter.......lemme just uh, stress that's the worst twist in history, literally over-powers Mal once more with now god blood- and Do What You Gotta Do is literally daddy issues the song, and despite having the same parenting as Maleficent with how he neglected Mal basically, Hades is somehow the better parent?? HOW?! Also its never showed how Mal learnt this information.....did Disney forget to write that in or- and of course, Mal must be the only VK of the core four with a good parent- cause of course, Mal must have everything as always.

*Audrey singing Happy Birthday while cursing the party and singing 'dear jane' while smiling evilly......can we just uh say, she at least got down with the aesthetic of being a villain?

*Oh yeah, speaking of villains- despite being promoted as villains, Hades does nothing basically besides drain Mal of her magic and all 'evil' scenes from trailer is just him doing random shit or good shit, while Uma is more of a anti-hero while Celia is kinda just there doing scamming and such- Audrey was the only accurate villain to promotion and even then she only got one trailer.

*My Once Upon A Time is literally Pity Me the song and Mal even sings at the end about reaching greatness and such- Jay, Evie, Carlos and Ben got stonned for this shit.

*Also yes, they literally stonned Ben, Carlos, Jay and Evie cause only Mal can take part in final fight.

*ALSO- MAL LIED- like, girl literally lied to her friends about the isle barrier and didn't tell them she was going to seal it up, and when confronted about it, she acts like she had no choice when she MADE the decision on her own and then after friends get stonned, she goes into pity song mode and doesn't suffer much consequences for the lie afterwards.

*Audrey saying to Mal though about the love spell and how its a touching story for the grandkids.......grandkids in the future felt that burn.

*Mal is cursed into a old hag and Ben into a beast......except Mals curse wears off under the barrier while Bens is soon enough fixed by Jane blasting enchanted lake at him- just......cant have true love fix curses like they do in the movies, nah, that means our couple being true love.

*Audrey nearly fucking dies- thanks plot for nearly killing the WOC princess.

*"Mal came through"- yeah, after planning to seal up the barrier and abandon every kid on the isle basically- but its okay they didn't know so its okay, TIME TO CELEBRATE MAL AGAIN-

*Lady Tremaine's character is fucking weird- in descendants 2 they say shes not a good grandma, but here she is?! Can Disney make up their mind on how the characters are written?!

*Celia and her relationship with her father though is precious, y'all can fight me on it.

*Mal literally saying she has to be queen of the isle as well- one, excuse you that's Uma's title and two, the isle IS apart of Auradon and is a PRISON, then again, descendants 2 forgot this detail when trying to act like being from a place where VKs are abused by their parents is something you cant ignore so why am I not surprised Descendants 3 is continuing that trend.

*Mal is drained of her magic but this isn't even explored cause she gets it back when Hades gives her the ember- so guess we cant even see Mal be forced to fight a battle without magic.

*Also Hades gives Mal the ember at the end for good- BUT WHAT WILL SHE DO WITH IT?! Its probably gonna go in the museum lol- so he basically lost his weapon as well.

*The Smee twins are also precious, and the fact that Smee cares about them is adorable- plus Smee is kinda accurate in design so.

*Jay being a big brother to all....precious- but also hes clearly gay for Gil sorry don't make the rules.

*Carlos and Jane must be protected from the plot.

*Evie's plot is good as well, but her whole 'struggling to say I love you to doug' is still bullshit plot.

*Doug is as boring as ever- next.

*Uma is a queen as always- her boys were so happy to see her again and she looked so happy to see them as well, let alone seeing the sun finally when the barrier fell at the end.

*Which brings me to uh, the ending.....THEY TORE DOWN THE BARRIER- like, the entire Isle is free now, not just the VKs but also villains- VILLAINS WHO IN FIRST MOVIE WANTED REVENGE- villains who will likely hurt their kids in Auradon still and villains who will likely not want to play peaceful and happy families- I thought Mal knew how villains worked, but she thinks villains will wanna play good guys? What happened to 'your parents cant reach you here' in film 1? NOW THEY CAN- Jasmine already fucking calling bullshit if Jafar thinks he can roam free.

*Hades at the end.......uggghhhh- Mal as his kid still makes no sense and never will and we get it, protective dad joke- WE GET IT- god, those jokes tire me sometimes.

*Disney really better not be acting like they deserve an award for that Hades and Mal twist- everyone saw it coming, you gave it away with Mal's hair and the teaser trailer- which is also never explained in D3 so lol.

*Disney: *doesn't have Lonnie being mentioned at all* Lonnie: "Am I a joke to you?"

*Chads weak as always- again, next.

*Audrey does get a apology finally but um, it took THREE YEARS to do so! Y'all asked for her revenge! Like, I love Ben but who the fuck says to a pissed off person that's about to curse you and your trying to talk them out of it, "I'll forgive you" like- DUDE NO-

*VK Day is still bullshit and that's just facts- also I love how they like I wish we could take you all- WHY. CANT. YOU?! You have power to take them all of it! But you DONT! In fact, Mal later decides to seal up the barrier at one point meaning she had to abandon the VKs there and even prevent Celia from seeing her dad again! So guess she forgot the VKs and was like 'yeah seal that fucker up cause Hades stole my magic'.

*Mal needing cheering in final fight......yayyy- I didn't need anymore reminders this was a Mal movie.

*Remember when HSM3 at least felt connected to the prior movies? D3 doesn't even FEEL connected- your expected to read books that may not stand a chance at getting mentioned- also had a entire different thing with Mal's dad but Disney erased that despite connecting the books each time they said to read a book before seeing the film- and in D3, a lot of shit just feels separate to the previous two- let alone the major time skip making it harder to connect- with Young Justice, while timeskips happen you still get hints at what happened inbetween those timeskips- but with D3? None is mentioned- so your left with this as the last movie and yeah, its just messy really.

*Well at least Huma won- we got one good ship in this movie at least- too bad its surrounded by a mess.

*Thank fuck there's no more descendants movies after this- sure, its sad and descendants still has a place with me- well with the aspects I like/the characters I like- but at the same time, a fourth descendants would be disrespectful to Cameron Boyce, the only Carlos really and of course, considering how messy D3 was and how Mal centred it became, a fourth movie really is not in the future- its sad I know, but at the same time, at least descendants can live on in fandom.

[tangodancerxxxmumu]

meet... niobe bulstrode ( the prince of demons, asmodeus )

age: 25 / ageless

pronouns: she / her

birthplace: gerrard’s cross, england, uk

species: demon ( former banshee )

sexuality: bisexual ( demiromantic )

occupation: none

faceclaim: margaret qualley

&. “you have my permission not to love me; i am a cathedral of deadbolts and i’d rather burn myself down than change the locks.” --rachel mckibbens, “letter from my brain to my heart”

under the cut are multiple triggers, including ( tw death, tw grief, tw loss, tw violence, tw depression ). if i seem to have missed anything, please let me know.

niobe was born into moderate wealth in a town in south buckinghamshire. ( ironically, given her last name, near bulstrode park itself ). the only girl, middle child stuck inbetween a set of twin older brothers and a baby brother, she never quite found her footing in her family or the world at large. whatever her mother had wanted in her daughter, niobe was anything but. even as a child, the girl was rambunctious, short-tempered, and had an obsessive need to prove herself beyond her brothers. she rejected femininity, possibly because her mother endorsed it so heavily. there was, however, one way in which the mother and daughter could relate--they were both banshees.

her father had wanted all sons. while her older brothers pleased him, he wanted more. sons brought with the family power, carried on the bulstrode name. despite this, niobe was her father’s favorite child, and he remarked one day that she would’ve made a better son than a daughter. after that, niobe took on several more masculine traits–independence, leadership within her groups, an assertive nature that didn’t go unnoticed, arrogance.

it wasn’t until she was six years old that she met someone who truly understood her--corban, the son of a family friend. while he’d initially been brought in to befriend her older brothers, the pair of them clearly hit it off right away. they spent most of their time together, writing to each other when they were apart. niobe had never been fanciful about emotions and didn’t use the term lightly, but believed they were soulmates. she even told him about her abilities, and while she was sure he didn’t believe her, he didn’t mock her or run.

the older she got, the more her mother desperately wanted to make her look more... presentable to society. after all, her friends would have lavish parties, and she couldn’t parade her daughter around if her daughter refused to wear dresses and smile prettily. there became this routine where niobe would be allowed to dress as she wishes at home, at the boarding school they went to... but her mother would make her dress up to leave the house. niobe felt like a joke in the outfits, and a burning rage began to grow in her. she started getting into fights at school, at home, in public... anywhere. corban usually joined in, though she learned she was much better with her fists than him. no matter. she’d do a good chunk of the damage, and he’d be backup.

as niobe grew, so did her love of sports--soccer, specifically. she practiced every day, learned tactics, eventually trying out for teams. she ended up making a professional british league at twenty one. her mother wanted her to go to university and meet a nice man. her father, as much as he loved his daughter, wanted his wife happy. it caused a huge fight, and, in the dead of the night, niobe packed a bag, grabbed corban from his house, and the pair of them left. their families begged for them to return, but they’d long decided that all they needed to get by was each other.

the shitty flat they were living in was worth it for the freedom it gave them. corban was able to bring home men and women without judgement, and niobe was able to dress as she wished and come into her own more. the fights still happened, but less frequently. more often, they were provoked. they were happy, for a change. she’d been training her banshee abilities with her mother while she was younger, and occasionally she’d receive a text from the woman begging her to come home so she could continue, but she never did. being a banshee... never fit in with the plan.

two years after running off, niobe and corban were celebrating his twenty-fourth birthday by bar hopping, just the pair of them. around two in the morning, they decided to walk back to their apartment, taking a shortcut through their typical alley. normally, it was empty, but that night, a few men had been waiting for them. men they’d fought before. men who were angry. they were in no state for a fair fight, and they were outnumbered. it didn’t take long before two men were restraining niobe, the other two knocking corban around until he was on the ground. they kept hitting him, and hitting him, and this strange feeling was flooding niobe’s body. this awful sort of energy... then they began to bash his skull in against the concrete. she shrieked, this inhuman wail that made the men let go of her, and as they ran off, she knew her friend was gone. she’d felt it. 

niobe became a mere shell of herself after that night. she stopped leaving the apartment, not for practice or anything. she was kicked off of the team, which should’ve hurt, but she felt nothing. nothing but this ebb and flow of intense sorrow to intense apathy... and then back. she’d always been thin, but she lost her muscle, her definition. she spent hours in his room, staring at the art on the walls. she cried until she shook, then wailed until her voice was sore, but nothing helped. she could remember how it felt when he died. and it went on for months, this pain. the better part of a year she spent, losing herself... until a dark witch showed up.

if this were anyone else’s story, perhaps the witch that showed up might have taken advantage of her state. perhaps, in another tale, the witch would’ve heard about her and played her for a fool. but niobe... she was ready to be gone. she’d found the witch, a darker one, begging her to let something else take control. she wanted power, wanted to be rid of this grief... she didn’t want to think about corban anymore. and the witch took pity on her, invoking a powerful demon to inhabit her body as niobe, for the first time in almost a year, smiled.

asmodeus was the prince of demons, and an ancient being. biblical. he was the very snake that seduced eve into eating the apple in eden. he’s a demon of wrath, of sex, of prophecies, of treasures. married to the demon lilith, his wife. the demon found a sort of beauty as he possessed niobe, one he hadn’t seen in a while. a sad poetry to the tragic greek name. as the pair fused, niobe fading within herself, he decided to take on the persona.

niobe hasn’t been within herself for years, but that’s what she wanted. the demon within her has adopted her body, her identity, her sex. she eventually settled in bellport, maine, drawn by the magnetic pull of the small town. now, she’s exploring. niobe isn’t home, but you wouldn’t know that looking at her.

[crazy-little-cool-cat]

Gold Digger - Chapter 3 | Gwilym Lee x OFC

A/N: So back to our regular Saturday schedule only it’s Wednesday, we are! Sorry for the long wait, I had some family things to take care of and whatnot.

Warnings: The usual?

Word Count: ~3.4K

Warnings: Cross-over (I miss those HiG idiots so much), swearing, alcohol use, Joe shenanigans.

The Playlist (updates regularly)

Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 2

Lizzie and Shelly were in some foul moods. They've been arguing for nearly half an hour now. Although Lizzie promised Shelly a Gwil-a-thon, she changed her mind because she was feeling quite ill. Sniffles, coughs, and sneezes where the majority of the sounds emanating out of her. Balls of tissues surrounded her on the living room sofa, empty mugs of tea decorated the coffee table. Her ducky slippers poked from under the blanket she covered herself with. Her Grumpy Cat pajamas indicating that she hadn't left the house that day. Shelly, however, did not care in the slightest. She was promised a binge session and she was going to do whatever it took to make it happen.

"I don't care if you're under the weather, and I don't understand what it has to do with watching some telly." Shelly planted her hands on her hips and tapped her foot impatiently. "I want to see your Prince Charming act, alright?!"

"Do you dot udderstadd the word doe?" Lizzie croaked inbetween sniffles. "Christ!"

Shelly scoffed and rolled her eyes, crossing her arms. Then, a lightbulb seemed to go off in her head, because she had a devilish glint in her eyes.

"Doe, a deer?" Shelly smirked. "A female deer?"

"Oh, God." Lizzie grumbled and slapped her palm to her face. "Dot this."

"Raaaaaaay," Shelly bellowed, "a drop of golden suuuuuun!"

"Shelly, please stop."

"Me," Shelly puffed out her chest and pointed upwards, "A name I call myself!"

"Shells, please!"

"Faaaaa," Shelly ignored her, "a long, long way to run!"

"Shelly!" Lizzie barked.

"Yes?"

"Why?!"

"Because I know how that movie terrifies you." Shelly shrugged. "Seeeeew, a needle pulling thread!"

"Shelly!!!"

"Laaaaaa!" Shelly's voice rose in octaves, "a note to follow Sew!"

"For cry-eed out loud, woo-bad!"

"Teaaaaaa," Shelly carried on, "a drink with jam and bread!"

"Fide!" Lizzie raised her hands in surrender, "fide. We'll watch Jabestowd. Just please stop!"

"Oh, alright."

"Thakes, Shells." Lizzie groaned.

"You know, you really do talk gibberish when you're sick." Shelly noted and sat down on the armchair, keeping a safe distance from her sick roommate and best friend. "It's alright though. I speak fluent "Ill-zie."

"You're such a dork."

"Get it? Ill-zie?"

"Yes, Shelly." Lizzie said as she put on the first episode.

"It's like Lizzie but with jumbled up letters!"

"Shut up already! It's starting!"

###

A week after the "Gwil-a-thon", Lizzie kept radio-silent when it came to him. Watching him on screen made her swoon. Knowing how talented he was made her head spin. The fact that she's now friends with someone like him made her heart stop. None of it made any sense to her. Why would someone like that be interested in someone like her? She couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that an actual celebrity wanted her company. 'A bloody schoolteacher', as she fondly referred to herself as she got drunk on wine with Shelly on a Saturday night, fully healed from her flu. Then, her phone notified there's an incoming message, and Lizzie's heart dropped right to her knickers.

'My mate's coming by for a visit next week and we're going to this party. Would you like to be our plus one?'

Lizzie sighed and tapped her finger against her cheek as she contemplated her response. She didn't know much about who Gwilym's friends were, or the kind of parties they enjoy going to. She also hasn't really spoken to him at all for a whole week after binge-watching everything he was ever in with Shelly. Her green eyes bore holes into the screen as she pondered over it. She blew a soft curl away from her face, pensive.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Shelly quipped as she poured them both glasses of white wine.

"Gwil invited me to a party with one of his mates next week." Lizzie looked up and reach her hand out, opening and closing her fingers.

"Go!" Shelly barked and gave Lizzie her glass. "Go!!!"

"I don't even know the lad -"

"You'll get to know him at the party!"

"- and I haven't spoken to Gwil at all, all week. Don't you think it'll look a bit sketchy if I suddenly jump on the opportunity?" Lizzie pouted.

"He doesn't seem to think anything of your silence, Liz." Shelly noted. "He probably just assumed you were busy being a bloody schoolteacher, you know."

"Hm."

Shelly and Lizzie stared at her phone for a minute before Shelly snatched it away and unlocked the screen.

"Hey!" Lizzie cried.

"Shut up, I'm doing you a big favour here!" Shelly pushed Lizzie back with one hand and texted 'sure' with the other. "Done."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing." Shelly shrugged innocently and gave Lizzie her phone back. She sipped her wine calmly.

Bloop.

'Great! We'll pick you up. We'll figure out the rest of the details next week.'

###

"What if it's the blond one?" Shelly slightly slurred her words as she drained the third bottle of wine into her glass. "The drummer guy?"

"Ben Hardy?" Lizzie snorted. "You think it's going to be Ben Hardy?"

"Why not?!"

"They were castmates, Shells!" Lizzie sipped her wine. "Just because they acted in a film together doesn't mean they're bffs."

"You're clearly not following them on Instagram, then." Shelly smirked.

"Oh, and you are?" Lizzie scoffed.

"I sure am!"

"Jesus."

"No, my name is Shelly." She joked. "Whoever this bloke is, you know he's a looker if Prince Charming is hanging out with him."

"What?"

"Attractive people only hang out with other attractive people!" Shelly informed her best friend. "It's the rule of law."

"What law?" Lizzie's brows knotted in confusion.

"The law of science!"

"He's married, you know." Lizzie noted.

"Gwilym?!" Shelly gasped.

"No, you plum!" Lizzie rolled her eyes. "Ben Hardy!"

"Oh, right. To your girl-crush." Shelly sing-sang.

"She's not my girl-crush."

"She totally is." Shelly giggled. "Look at you blushing!"

###

The night of the party, Lizzie was beside herself with nerves. She wanted to impress Gwilym and make him want her as more than just a friend. Whether it was the fact that he was Annabelle Lee's cousin or the fact that he was just the perfect man, she just wanted him. His company. His touch. His attention. Fluffing up her hair at the roots, she looked down at her vanity and deliberated the perfect lipstick to match her outfit and finalize her look. Tonight was the night Gwilym will see her and fall in love. The thing she didn't know was that he already had - when he knocked her on her ass and she laid there on the grass, looking like a porcelain doll some child had dropped. With her look complete, she left her room for Shelly's input.

"How do I look?" Lizzie twirled in front of Shelly.

"Too clothed."

"It's January. I don't want to get pneumonia, alright?" Lizzie scoffed. "T'was bad enough with the flu. My class got split and -" Lizzie adjusted the cuffs of her skin-tight red sweater-dress.

"Shut up with work talk on weekends already!" Shelly put a hand up to stop Lizzie's rambles as she stepped up to her. "Ugh!" she groaned and pulled Lizzie's neckline down. "It's like you're not even trying -"

"Shells!" Lizzie gasped and jumped back. "That's so rude!"

"You have to flaunt some of the goods, missy."

"The goods were flaunted, thank you very much!"

"No, they were not. Now, however?" Shelly hiked up the skirt of Lizzie's dress. "Much better. Wear the knee-high black boots."

"I'll look like a prostitute." Lizzie scoffed.

"A high-end escort, really." Shelly countered. "If you do shag prince charming," Shelly tousled Lizzie's soft curls to give her a bedridden, disheveled look, "bring him home and be as loud and as nasty as you possibly can, please."

"Good God, woman!"

"Or just do it right on the sofa, if you want. Make a sex-tape out of it." Shelly winked and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"You're hopeless."

"I know."

###

Gwilym leaned against the car, one leg crossed in front of the other, as he waited for Lizzie. His breath clouded as he exhaled, the January winter chill seeping into his bones. A flash of red caught his eye, making him do a double-take. He gulped when he saw Lizzie and rubbed his hands together, suddenly slightly nervous. She walked up to him with a lopsided smile, batting her eyelashes flirtatiously. She had a swagger to her steps, she almost looked like she was cat-walking towards him.

"You look amazing!" Gwilym's eyes scanned over her body. "Aren't you frozen solid?"

"I am, in fact, freezing," Lizzie giggled and hoped he couldn't hear her teeth chattering. "Where's your mate?"

"He decided to stay in the car." Gwilym rolled his eyes playfully. "Americans, you know?"

Lizzie nodded and made a mental note to herself that it was not Ben Hardy in that car.

"Did you enjoy free-heeeeeeee -" Gwilym's friend seemed to have forgotten how to use words as he turned around in his seat to look at Lizzie. "Hello."

"Joe, meet Lizzie." Gwilym said as he collapsed into the driver's seat and she sat down very carefully at the back. "Lizzie, this is Joe."

"Hey, Joe."

"Hello." Joe had a dopey smile on his face. A whiff of whiskey reached Lizzie's nostrils. "Hi."

"Pre-gaming?" Lizzie snorted and made eye contact with Gwilym through the rear-view mirror. "Really?"

"He insisted." Gwilym shrugged and flicked the blinkers on. "So this party we're going to is nothing too fancy, really."

"What's the occasion?" Lizzie blushed under Joe's gaze.

"Birthday!" Joe announced. "Someone we worked with on a project not too long ago."

"Look at you, trying to be cool." Gwilym chuckled and earned a glare from Joe. "Our best mate is having a birthday. Joe is very excited."

"Benny deserves every bit of my excitement."

"B... beh..." Lizzie stuttered and gulped as she composed herself, "Benny?"

"Yeah." Joe had a dreamy look in his eyes. "His name's Ben."

"Huh." The prospect of meeting Ben Hardy and his wife so casually made Lizzie obliviously bite her bottom lip. Both men shift uncomfortably. "That sounds like fun."

###

"Silly Gwilly!!!"

Gwilym, Joe and Lizzie turned around to the source of the screeching as they walked inside the club. The music thumped and the light flickered.

"Oh my God!" Lizzie gasped and froze in her tracks. "Is that...?"

"Annabelle!" Joe finished her sentence and ran towards Annabelle with open arms.

"Move it, Joseph!" Annabelle side stepped around him and made a bee-line towards Gwilym. "I feel like I haven't seen you in years! What the fuck?!"

"Got a bit preoccupied, Banana." Gwilym picked her up and swayed with her from side to side in a tight hug. "I missed you too."

"Just because you and Clara aren't together anymore doesn't mean you have to cut all ties with me, you know." Annabelle detangled her legs from around his waist and slid down his body to the floor as if he were a fireman's pole. "She's on holiday anyways. Who's this?"

"This," Gwilym took Lizzie's hand and pulled her closer to him and his cousin, "is my new... Er... friend, Lizzie."

"Friend, huh?" Joe and Annabelle said simultaneously.

"Yep. Ran into her in the park one day, literally." Gwilym explained.

Lizzie opened and closed her mouth like a fish as she tried to conjure up a coherent sentence. Annabelle Lee-Jones was, by far, her favourite person on the entire planet. Mentally kicking herself, Lizzie extended a hand out for Annabelle to shake with an awkward giggle.

"Hi, I, um..." Lizzie struggled for words and only felt worse when Annabelle raised an amused eyebrow at her. "I don't get starstruck very often but you're just about my favourite person ever..."

"That's so sweet!" Annabelle laughed and pulled Lizzie in for a hug. "After BoRhap exploded no one even cares about me anymore. You just made my day, you know."

"Where's Ben?" Joe interrupted.

"At the table." Annabelle rolled her eyes. "Go find your husband, Joe. Lizzie, you're coming with me!"

Annabelle pulled Lizzie along by the hand and walked her over to the bar. Lizzie stumbled as she looked back at Gwilym. He waved at her with an amused smirk on his face. If she survived a night out with this crew, it will be nothing short of a miracle.

###

"Who's the redhead?" Ben asked as he stared at his wife chatting up a stranger. "Why is Annie latching onto her?"

"Gwil's friend. Lizzie." Joe said and wiggled his eyebrows.

"She really is just a friend." Gwil shrugged. "I'm not sure she's even remotely interested in me."

"Is she blind or just stupid, then?" Ben wondered.

"Neither, you rude fuck." Gwilym snorted.

"Are you into her?" Joe asked.

"I mean, she's gorgeous..." Gwilym rubbed at his chin.

"That, she is." Ben said under his breath.

"I'm telling Annie." Joe warned.

"Go ahead, I think Annie might have a crush on her. She won't mind. She'll probably let Ben watch." Gwilym chuckled and made Ben blush a crimson red.

"So, if she's just a friend..." Joe started.

Gwilym groaned and bit the inside of his cheek, knowing where Joe's train of thought was going.

"I mean, I wouldn't want to cock block my best -"

"Yes, Joe. You can hit on her." Gwilym rolled his eyes and cut him off. Lizzie wasn't his to have and it seemed like the situation won't change in the foreseeable future. "Knock yourself out."

###

Lizzie was sloshed. Blitzed. Completely and utterly hammered. Gwilym seemed to keep her at a safe distance all evening, calling her his 'friend' every other sentence. Each time made her feel slightly more devastated - something that did not go unnoticed by Annie. Coming to the rescue, Annie made sure Lizzie will forget all about her troubles and have a happy, drunk, good time at Ben's party.

Indeed, Lizzie felt like a happy haze veiled everything around her. She swayed from side to side, Joe behind her with a hand on her hip, telling her silly jokes as they danced. His breath fanned over her ear and gave her goosebumps. She hasn't hooked up with anyone in a while, and Gwilym was obviously uninterested in her and more interested in the flock of girls surrounding him and batting their eyelashes at him. A small pang of jealousy made her hurt, but then Joe gave her all of his attention and she was drunk and happy, and things rolled downhill like a snowball effect. His lips softly grazed the shell of her ear and he pulled her closer to him. Her lips parted at the sensation. Joe's warm hands roamed over her as they danced, leaving seary trails in their wake. He looked up to see Gwil waving his hand at him, trying to get his attention. When he finally did, Gwil lifted his other hand up, dangling his car keys to signal Joe that it was time to leave.

"Gwil's calling for us." Joe slurred, inclining his head down and nuzzling her cheek slightly. "Think it's time to go."

"I don't wanna..." Lizzie pouted.

"Me neither."

Lizzie turned her head and brushed her lips against Joe's, feeling a small rush of adrenaline flow through her. Throwing caution to the wind, both drunks locked lips on the dance floor in a sloppy, almost obscene kiss.

Gwilym, Ben and Annabelle watched from a distance and snorted, all at the same time. They've been watching the two carefully since Joe asked for Gwil's "permission" to hook up with Lizzie as if it were a National Geographic film.

"So you're really going to let Joe have his way with her?" Ben looked at Gwilym questioningly.

"She's not mine." Gwilym shrugged. "And from the looks of it, she doesn't want to be."

"You oblivious wanker." Annie muttered under her breath, unheard by the other two.

###

"Oh, no, no, no!" Gwilym said and grabbed Joe by the elbow as if he were a disobedient child, "you're going in the front!"

"Hey!" Joe protested and stumbled after Gwilym. "That's rude!"

"No, rude is snogging with my Lizzie in the back of my bloody car."

"Your Lizzie?" Joe raised an eyebrow.

"You know what I meant."

"Look, man, if you have any issues with this..."

"I don't have any bloody issues." Gwilym scolded. "Now, get in the car."

Both boys collapsed into their seats and looked at Lizzie through the rearview mirror, obliviously scrolling through her phone. Her face softly illuminated by the white glow of the screen. She blinked slowly, as if falling asleep.

"Where to, Miss Daisy?" Gwilym asked and smiled softly when she looked up at him through her lashes.

"Home, please." She smiled sweetly. "Is it alright if I stole Joe?"

Gwilym knew this was coming but he still felt a small pang of jealousy in his gut. He glanced over at Joe's drunk, pleading face and nodded with a sigh, starting the engine.

"Well then," Lizzie smiled mischievously, "onwards, noble steed! Take me home!"

###

"You're so fucking hot." Joe whispered in between feverish kisses. He had Lizzie pressed up against the front door to her flat, his knee parting her legs. "Goddamn."

"Let's go inside, then?" She bit her bottom lip and looked up at him expectantly.

Joe replied with a low growl. Lizzie giggled and turned around, quickly unlocking the door and stumbling in. Joe pressed himself up behind her, his hands travelling everywhere they could reach on her body. He kicked the door shut behind him and released his hold on Lizzie's body, allowing her to turn and face him. He caught her lips, nibbling and biting on them. His hands worked their way down her torso and gave her bum a hearty squeeze.

"Eager, are we?" Lizzie laughed.

"It's been awhile." Joe admitted sheepishly. "And you're so fucking hot, I..."

Lizzie crashed her lips onto his.

###

Joe woke up at the crack of dawn, feeling like a rat died in his mouth and a horse kicked him in the head. He took in his surroundings, letting the night's memories flood back in. Ben's birthday party. Picking Gwil's friend up. Lizzie. Dancing. Making out. Gwilym's mood on the ride to Lizzie's place. Making out again. Hooking up.

He turned his head to the side and took in the sight of Lizzie's naked body next to him. She wasn't curled up next to him - she was spread out in all her naked glory, her soft red curls veiling her breasts like a nymph. With a sigh, he rolled over and pawed at the floor, looking for his boxers. When he finally found them, he groggily stepped into them and pulled them up, walking towards the door. Nature called.

He rubbed his eye sleepily as he left her bedroom and closed the door behind him, and collided with another person.

The realization made him shudder. There is a strange woman looking at his almost totally naked body, and she was hot and smirking.

"And to whom do I owe the pleasure?" she drawled, her voice like honey.

"I, uh -" Joe tried to shake the embarrassment off and stood up straighter. "I'm Joe."

"Hello, Joe. I'm Shelly."

"Shelly." Joe echoed, a dopey smile on his face.

"What are you doing in my home and where are your clothes, Joe?" Shelly looked him up and down. She seemed pleased with the sight. "Not that I'm complaining."

"Well," Joe gulped, "I'm... See, last night -"

"Elizabeth McGee!" Shelly roared. "Lizzie!"

"Shhh!" Joe leaped forward and placed his palm on her lips, muffling her bellows. "What the fuck?!"

Shelly looked at him challengingly, one eyebrow raised. They stared each other down before she poked her tongue out and licked Joe's palm.

"Ew!" Joe flinched and pulled his hand back. "But also, good thinking!"

"Thank you!" Shelly bit her bottom lip. "The bathroom's that way."

"Uh, thanks." He said, confused at her abruptness. She looked down at Joe's crotch and noticed a prominent bulge. He felt heat flood his chest, all the way up to his ears. A gorgeous woman stared at his bulge and all he could do was stand there. "This isn't awkward at all."

"On the contrary, mate." Shelly winked at him. "I'm enjoying myself."

"Yeah?" A cocky smirk tugged at Joe's lips.

"Yeah." Shelly stepped closer to him and put a hand on his cheek. "Too bad Lizzie's the one who saw you first."

Her hand slipped down the column of his neck and to his chest before she dragged it across as she left and disappeared into her bedroom, closing the door behind her softly.

##########

TAGLIST: @ramibaby @filmslutt @lose-you-to-find-me @sonic-volcano  @nosferatyou @rogertaylorin1976

[lavender-hemlock]

Aw.. Shit, here we go again. (Questions below the cut because I’m not an asshole like the below.) 

@kazexvoss

Get To Know Me Uncomfortably Well

1. What is you middle name?

Marie

2. How old are you?

23

3. When is your birthday?

October 7th

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Libra

5. What is your favorite color?

Burgundy

6. What’s your lucky number?

7

7. Do you have any pets?

One dog

8. Where are you from?

The US-Tragedy-A

9. How tall are you?

Hahaha.. 5′.  10. What shoe size are you?

Size 6

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Probably over ten.. and more than half are boots. 

12. What was your last dream about? Asked by breaking-from-grace

13. What talents do you have?

I guess I have a talent for my empathy, art, and writing? Not sure what merits as a talent without being overzealous. 

14. Are you psychic in any way?

I’ve been called a witch because of intuition for emotions of others? Or being scary close to presuming things. 

Sadly can’t bend any spoons, stay tuned. 

15. Favorite song?

Toooo many. Music is too vast to pick just one, but I’ve been listening to Day Dreaming - Jack & Jack a lot lately. 

16. Favorite movie?

Probably the Phantom of the Opera version with Gerard Butler. 

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

Someone who is capable of respecting the flow of my energy. When I need space, when I’m all for being close. It isn’t that I’m picky or moody, but I know what I need and also don’t need them being worried when I’m just being quiet and reading a book. It’s just a mutual respect and understanding. 

Ya feel? 

18. Do you want children?

Yeah. Which is weird to think about. I’m not in any rush. 

19. Do you want a church wedding?

I think it is right for me to pursue it, but kinda no. I want a venue probably really low key done up in lights, curtains, and simplicity that doesn’t need a huge budget. Its about the bond, right? 

20. Are you religious?

Yep, I am a christian. 

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

I have! I had a piggy bank get knocked on top of my head when I was little and my mom rushed me to the hospital. I think that was the first time I saw stars. Only time though!

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

Yeeeeap. 

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

Yes! I’ve been fortunate to meet a few bands and also see the cast of Fast and the Furious. I got to go on set for the 5th movie! I was lucky. 

24. Baths or showers?

Showers. 

25. What color socks are you wearing?

Black. I hate this question. I’m looking at only one person rn. 

26. Have you ever been famous?

Kinda? Yet I think famous in this way is very subjective? I had my old (and first) RP community for like eleven years. Its not fun when everyone knows your name, I’ll tell you that. You get put on a pedestal or get called terrible things if you don’t respond. It was a whack time. I don’t miss it. I was just famous for the designs I would put for the community and being like a “veteran” member with tons of “powers” (community bling). Blegh. 

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

Nope. I admire those that do great things and gain that attention for the work they have put in, but its a double sword. Everyone knows your business and looks at you. Seems like a ant under a magnifying glass analogy.  

28. What type of music do you like?

I like a lot of pop/alternative. I listen to generally everything except some heavy techno/bass stuff isn’t really for me. 

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Nope, don’t plan to. What if a snake bit my ass? How do I explain that to a doctor. 

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

3!

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

I have to pick one!?

32. How big is your house?

It’s modest. 

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? Asked by Caewen!

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

Yes! I have been trained to use one strictly for defense over the home. What a sad world. 

35. Have you ever tried archery?

No, but I wish!

36. Favorite clean word?

Cleaaaan? 

37. Favorite swear word?

Fuck. 

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

Hahahaha 72 hours. I like sleep. 

39. Do you have any scars? Asked by Sangria-Fangs!

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Yeah! It’s.. okay. Kind of creeps me out tbh. 

41. Are you a good liar?

No. I would psych myself out. 

42. Are you a good judge of character?

Yeah. It took a lot of fuck-ups to figure that out!

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

Poorly. All of them. 

44. Do you have a strong accent?

No.

45. What is your favorite accent?

Gosh. British or Australian. 

46. What is your personality type?

INFJ. 

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

Boots! 

48. Can you curl your tongue? Cries. Asked by Caewen. 

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

Innie. This is weird. 

50. Left or right handed?

Right handed!

51. Are you scared of spiders?

Don’t @ me. 

52. Favorite food?

Snow crab.

53. Favorite foreign food?

Italian. 

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

SO fresh and SO clean ~

55. Most used phrased?

”I dare everyday.” She says before she does something stupid. 

56. Most used word?

Ye. 

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

Anywhere from 5 minutes to over 30 minutes. There is no inbetween in this. 

58. Do you have much of an ego?

Either the biggest in the room or the smallest. There is no inbetween. 

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

BITE. 

60. Do you talk to yourself?

When I’m trying to focus really hard. 

61. Do you sing to yourself?

Only to myself, yes. In my car and forgetting there’s someone in the car next to me? yes. 

62. Are you a good singer?

I’d like to think so. 

63. Biggest Fear?

Snakes. 

64. Are you a gossip?

No, but I’ll discuss, not spread. 

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? Asked by Hingan-Fox!

66. Do you like long or short hair?

I like both!

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

Unfortunately. 

68. Favorite school subject?

Literature. 

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Kinda inbetween. Ask me on a random day, it may be one or the other. 

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

No but it sounds cool!

71. What makes you nervous?

Confrontation. 

72. Are you scared of the dark?

Kinda. 

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

It depends on the thing. If its not my place, I won’t. If they’re ignorant, it depends if its worth it. If they deserve it- passionately. 

74. Are you ticklish?

I will stab you. 

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

Nope

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

Yep!

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Yeeeap. 

78. Have you ever done drugs?

Mary Jane. 

79. Who was your first real crush?

A boy in kindergarten who drew me cards everyday and left them in my desk each morning. ; ; 

80. How many piercings do you have?

None! Needles and I do not work out. 

81. Can you roll your Rs? 

I can’t even curl my tongue and now I get this question. 

82. How fast can you type?

90 WPM average. 

83. How fast can you run?

Fast as fuck boi. I’m just memeing now, aren’t I? Just trying to get through this. I don’t think anyone will get this far. 

84. What color is your hair?

Dark brown!

85. What color is your eyes?

Green-blueishhhh. Depends on the day/lighting. 

86. What are you allergic to?

Wax and bees. 

87. Do you keep a journal?

I used to until someone read it lol. 

88. What do your parents do?

Work? 

89. Do you like your age?

I kinda have to? 

90. What makes you angry? Asked by Caewen! Oo boy. 

91. Do you like your own name?

Yeah, I’d say its just fine. It’s mine.

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

Jace and Claire. 

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

Happy with either.

94. What are you strengths?

Empathy, understanding.

95. What are your weaknesses?

Patience (depends), Failure. 

96. How did you get your name?

They said they just shouted it out until they figured they could say it everyday for the rest of my life and not get tired of it- and the meaning is pretty. 

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

I don’t think so. Never looked into it. 

98. Do you have any scars? Asked by Sangria-Fangs!

99. Color of your bedspread?

White.

100. Color of your room?

White, greys. I like snow and furs and lights. 

Now, after all that- I am clearly no bitch @kazexvoss. Do yours. 

[drkoestersmithrpg]

AND WE’RE NOT DONE WITH FOREPLAY YET

(btw if you are reading this first this is chapter 2, I posted chapt 1 earlier - I AM HAPPY YOU ARE WAKING UP TO THIS!)

He had time to get nervous, again, walking into Tony’s bedroom.  He talked to 

himself the entire way there.  You can counter Tony’s mouth, you know you can, you’ve had so much practice, remember at the compound when he said “In the Avengers we used to separate the men from the boys with a crowbar, only Peter broke the crowbar” and you said “Why do they call you Iron-man when all your armor is just bad comedy? They should call you Sarcasm-man” and the team called him “Sarcasm-man” for a week?  And you could say dirty words just as good as the next guy, ok maybe not in public but we’re not in public we’re in a bedroom, Tony’s bedroom, the place you’ve been dreaming about for a solid year.  Then they were in the bedroom and Tony’s mouth was on his and he couldn’t think straight.

Damn that man could kiss.

Tony pushed him hard and he landed on the bed with a startled cry, then grinned from ear to ear.  

This was better than any fantasy could have ever hoped to be.

“Did you really get your cherry popped in Boystown on your birthday?” the man was asking, but Peter was a little distracted because Tony was finally shucking his pants, boxers and all, and there, finally, was the subject of Peter’s fevered speculations for way too many years, hard and flushed and deliciously long.

Tony was now wearing nothing but his faded AC/DC shirt.  Peter had nothing but his Tighty whities covering a pounding erection and he hoped he didn’t look too ridiculous as he lay breathlessly on Tony’s bed and said

“…..hu?”

“Did you,” Tony said quietly speaking as he climbed onto the bed and onto Peter.

“Really lose….your cherry….on your birthday….in Boystown?”

Peter shook his head no, speechless, lost in Tony’s dark, serious eyes as he approached.

Tony smirked.

Then began to look alarmed.

“No no!  I mean, no, I lost it before that, I never said that I….I said I celebrated in Boystown.  I lost my v-card long before that.”

“You said you’d be honest,” Tony cautioned, his hand snaking under Peter’s hip and fingers searching for the subject in question.

“Tony, I am not lying about this,” Peter scolded (but really he was blanching at the thought of the comedian being a ‘first time,’ for anyone!)

“All right then,” Tony whispered, pulling his hand away.  Peter wanted to complain, but then the man parted his legs with the same hand and slipped that hand underneath to press against his hole directly.

“Then how many boys are we talking about?”

Peter was too breathless to answer.

“Peter, we had a deal,” Tony was saying softly, almost tenderly.  “How many boys?”

“Maybe I don’t want to tell you.”

“Maybe you agreed that I’d be gentle if you be honest.”

“Ok but maybe I lost count.”

“Come on kid, your good at math.”

“Uh….more than 1, less than 30?”

“You’re better at math than that.”

Peter opened his eyes, tried to breathe, tried to concentrate.  Tried to balance out his desire to please with his resentment at the question.

“More than 5, less than 10, and that’s all you’re getting.” he said more solidly, looking Tony in the eye.

That seemed to take Tony by surprise, but he covered it by coming in for a kiss.

The kiss was long and slow and surprisingly tender.  Tony slid one arm around Peter’s head and cradled Peter’s face with his free hand.  From there he controlled the kiss, pulling away when Peter became more frantic, preventing him from following, starting over again… and over again…. at that same slow pace, until Peter was whimpering and breathless.  Only then did his hand leave Peter’s face and, without ending the kiss, divested him of his underwear.

And for a moment, for one fleeting moment, Peter thought Tony might make a good First Time after all.

Especially when Tony spent so much time licking, sucky and biting his was across Peter’s chest that Peter almost didn’t notice when the mouth-wet finger began to press inside him.  Tony seemed hell bent on kissing a bruise directly under Peter’s left nipple (both a delicious sensation and a terrible tease.)

“You can’t leave bruises, sorry,” he said with a grin, even as he pushed himself down onto the single finger.

“Now that’s a crime,” Tony replied.  He curled his finger inside Peter’s body, causing the boy to whimper and bite his lip.  Then he pulled his hand away, wet a second finger with his mouth, and started again.

He was watching Peter’s face closely as he worked (much to Peter’s chagrin, he bit his lip hard, desperately trying to not make too much noise.  He feared to say anything, for fear it would become a punchline tomorrow, but dammit this man could finger him better than some boys could fuck.)  

Finally Tony stopped watching his face and began kissing a trail down the center of Peter’s chest, and Peter relaxed.

Until Tony sucked him down in one smooth motion and Peter yelped helplessly.

He dared a peek down – Tony’s eyes were closed and he seemed to be fully distracted, devoted at this moment to sucking Peter off.  Peter relaxed.

Then Tony opened his eyes and looked up, and Peter turned his head and started worrying all over again.

Dammit, he couldn’t make too much noise.  Why did Tony have to be so good at this?  Those fingers were still moving, doing obscene things inside him, and he wasn’t going to last long at all.  He flung his hands above his head and took two handfuls of bedspread and gripped them hard – then had a horrible realization that he might rip the thick material if he came, might tear it like tissue paper, and he moaned in desperation and let go.

Tony lifted his head and looked at Peter with concern.

Then he chuckled.

Peter would have been embarrassed, but Tony’s face was relaxed and happy that it made it made him relax a little as well.  

“Kid, you look like I’m torturing you,” Tony said softly. His smile was baffled, but sincere, until Peter was smiling a little too.

“Sorry,” he said, covering his face with one hand. He had known this would be an issue, had tried to plan for it, but now he had forgotten what those plans were.

He took a deep breath and motioned for Tony (who still hand one hand inside him) to come closer.

“It’s just that I’m…..strong…..” he said, putting one hand on Tony’s bicep and squeezing down.  He did it gently, but he kept doing it until Tony’s eyes widened.

“And I don’t want to break anything….important….” Peter said, moving his hands above his head again, satisfied that he had made his point.

“Do you need…something to break?”  Tony asked.

Then he looked up the vast expanse of mahogany headboard of his king size bed.

Peter looked with him.

“Is that expensive?” he asked in an embarrassingly high voice when he realized what Tony was thinking.

“Not to me,” Tony said suddenly scooping Peter up with his free hand.

Peter had been lying crosswise on the bed and now he and Tony worked to turn him to a 90 degree angle.  But since Tony wasn’t willing to move the hand inside Peter’s body (and Peter wasn’t eager to let him) that they both wound up moving in such an awkward and ridiculous fashion that they were both laughing breathlessly by the time they had succeeded.  

Peter was overcome with giggles as Tony placed his hands on the top of the low headboard, and he was relieved to find his entire body relaxing.

Then Tony went down on him and the helpless moaning started all over again.

But it wasn’t so bad now.  He was making a lot of noise, but Tony was making hungry, eager noises too, sucking him off enthusiastically.  And the absurd journey to the headboard, crabwalking into position with Tony’s fingers still inside him (and Tony’s fingers were still inside him, and making him crazy) and the laughter that came afterward made him feel safer than he ever had before.

He dug his hands into the headboard and whimpered with sensation.  Tony’s mouth was hot and wet and overwhelmingly talented.  Tony’s shirt was still on, which gave Peter’s to fist inbetween stroking Tony’s hair.  Soon he didn’t trust his hands anymore and he was gripping the headboard, leaving marks. He swore and keened and whispered Tony’s name through gritted teeth.  In time his body was clenched so tight he was aching, almost sobbing in desperation.

The Tony sat up suddenly, wrapped his hand around Peter’s straining erection and began to pump, and he came helplessly, shooting come across his chest.

Tony leaned down and licked a long, slow stripe upward. He moaned as he tasted, his breath. He made no other noise, only pulled his fingers gently from Peter’s body and kissed him softly on his forehead.

For a while there was no noise in the room except the sound of Peter’s ragged breathing.  With his eyes closed, Peter imagined for a moment that he was the only person in the room.

When he opened his eyes Tony was reaching over him, reaching across the vast bed to another pillow, moving it aside.  There was a white hand towel, laying next to a bottle of lube.

His breath must have caught, because Tony started shaking his head no.  He took the hand towel and wiped his hand, then tossed it back to where it had been hidden.

“Not tonight, Kid.  Tonight it’s all foreplay.  Tomorrow we can consummate.

“You demanded ‘gentle,’” he said causally, scooping one arm under Peter’s shoulders and pulling him close.  

“Although I’m not sure you kept up your end of the bargain.”

Peter was torn between the need to snuggle into Tony’s arms and the need to argue with him, to hold his own.  “What do you think I’m not telling you?” he groused, pressing his face into Tony’s chest.

“Well, I still haven’t gotten a number yet.”

“You said ‘honest,’ you never said ‘full discloser.’  

“What’s the difference?”  

“Honest is yes or no questions.  I don’t have to give up the details.”

“Fine,” Tony said factually.  “Yes or no questions.  What have you done before.  Oral?”

Peter said nothing for a long moment.

Because he was currently pressed against Tony’s warm chest, held tightly with a strong arm, and it was his dearest, most secret fantasy come true.

But even hotter than his dearest, most secret fantasy?

Tony was jerking off with his other hand and Peter had a full on view.

“Umm….what?  Oh, yes, of course.”

“Giving or receiving?”

Being grilled like this on his sexual experience should have angered him.  But in this quiet moment, with Tony’s quiet voice (and Tony’s busy hand) it seemed sweet and intimate.

“Both.”

“And hand jobs?”

“Excuse me?  You might as well ask me if I’ve been kissed before.”

“And have you been fucked before?”

“I told you yes.”

“And have you done any fucking?”

“Maybe.”

Tony made an impatient noise, and Peter realized he was willing to do anything to make this moment last, even confess.  “Ok, no.”

For a moment there was silence, only the sound of Tony’s hand moving on himself.  Peter reached out shyly and caressed his arm, then his wrist.  He hoped Tony would wrap his own hand around his cock – god he was dying to know what the man felt like.  He was trying to work up the nerve to ask when Tony spoke again.

“Who was first?”

“I’m not telling you that,” Peter said suddenly, surprising himself.  Dammit he didn’t want this moment to end, but he also couldn’t give up information that personal.  That boy had been gentle and sweet and Peter couldn’t stand the idea of Tony turning it into a joke.

“You said ‘honest;” Tony said with a grin, but he was close, and Peter was pretty sure he wasn’t going to stop now.

“I plead the fifth.”

Tony’s hand was squeezing his shoulder now Peter knew he was close.  He longed to say something sexy like “I want to know how you feel inside me” or “I want to know what you taste like” but the boldest he could manage was to reach up with one hand and stroke Tony’s hair.

“Yes, Tony, yes,” he managed before Tony groaned and pulled him close, burying his face in Peter’s neck, coming over Peter’s chest.

Peter longed to drag his fingers through it to taste, and knew he’d never have the nerve.

 * * * *

-------------------

Of all the things that surprised him that night, the fact that they actually fell asleep in each other’s arms might have been the biggest of all.

More than once Peter jerked awake from angsty dreams – dreams that they were arguing, that they were trading insults, that Tony had just made a sex-joke so obscure Peter had to look up the meaning on Google- but every time he woke up in Tony’s arms and there was nothing but the sound of Tony’s breathing.

He caressed Tony’s body gently through the shirt, marveling.  Reviewing.  Turning it over in his mind.  

He played with the soft fabric of Tony’s shirt.  He regretted that it didn’t come off, but remembered that Tony had actually fought to keep it on, and resigned to the fact that it might not come off at all. He was certainly aware that the man had received multiple open-heart surgeries (one in a cave in a desert without proper sanitation, oh yes, he knew that story well.)

He pulled away enough to peek up into the man’s sleeping face. What he saw there left him entranced.

Nat had been right, this had been hard work.  But he had managed to get this rambunctious, obscene (and infuriating!) vulgarian into bed and oh lord, had it ever been worth it.

He hadn’t been expecting to be grilled on his sexual experience, but he let that go.  He wondered why it mattered.

He wondered if he would ever get up the nerve to ask.

But he had done pretty well – he hadn’t embarrassed himself too much by being too loud, and Tony had been at least as loud anyway.  He was surprised, actually, at how little Tony had spoken at times.  Normally the man was a wall of sound.

And Tony…oh god…who knew Tony could be so gentle?

  Tony stirred then, and Peter feigned sleep, not wanting to get caught staring up at the man’s face.  When Tony started to move he made a sleepy sound and looked around, blinking. When he looked up again, Tony was smiling.

He took Peter’s hand in his and kissed it.  

“Shower?”

“So…do I get to spend the night?” Peter asked hopefully, as the man led him into the most ridiculously ginormous bathroom Peter had ever seen.

“If you want me to fuck you, you will,” his comedian replied.

[jasm1ne503]

Iterations (Timeline)

Using timeline I drew up a little thumbnail of how I could rework my timeline into a Landscape timeline that goes across a double page spread. so found this quite difficult as shifting my design onto landscape didn’t immediately work quite well and I found that putting the shapes all together like I had doesn’t translate well to a double page spread layout so I scattered the assets around the page. and broke up the outline into a zig zag but still used the idea of a line breaking out into circles. I am planning to keep all my text the same.

I got rid of the zig zag line going through the middle as I thought it made the timeline look not ‘together’ so I did a single line going across the two pages instead, with the dots being markers inbetween. I still had my scattered assets around the timeline but I couldn’t figure out where to put them without it looking out of place. I also developed uneven squares to put along the edges like I had in my timeline.

I put the assets towards the corners, I think that is where they look least awkward and then added arrows to the dates as without the arrows the dates weren’t as clear. At this stage I also got rid of the birthday date as I felt it wasn’t necessary (the date is written under his name and mentioned in intro).I added the original heading I had in the timeline in the corner as well and changed the colours of the squares to bring in the Paul Rand colour style.

I didn’t really like where that timeline was heading so I decided to think of how I could make the timeline a little different yet still follow some of the ideas I had in my original timeline. I decided to play on the idea of Paul Rand being the ‘king’ of design as well as the birthday cake I had at the front. Since this is a timeline, its all about the dates that mattered the most in Paul Rand’s design career leading up to the IBM logo, and we tend to celebrate events like that so I decided to make little gifts and balloons out of the shapes I already have in my work. as such the timeline celebrating his life before the IBM logo - the celebration of his journey to becoming the king of modernist design. I decided to make the clippings I had of his face into little balloons but kept the circles and outline . I also decided to change the page heading to the same font and weight I have been using across my designs as I found it looked a lot more cohesive this way even though I did like the way my old heading looked.

I made the outline blank around the parts that had text to make them more readable, and then contintued the celebration idea across the spread so it filled up the bottom of the timeline. All the balloons were made using the assets I had from my timeline. I played around with the colour aswell.

For the final I added little squares between the dots and the dates to make it more legible and put the candles onto the ‘P’ of paul rand instead so he is ‘king’. My timeline spread is a reworked version of my poster, it isn’t the same timeline titled onto its side but I took elements from it and reworked them into a timeline that fit my publication - I did this by keeping the same colours and assets and simply using them a little bit more creatively and doing this meant I also expanded on the narrative I had going through the publication.

[deeeelightfuldee]

surveys 053.

do you sing in the shower? oh every single time. Its something I look forward to. 

do you think money makes people happy? As someone who currently relies on birthdays and holidays as her income, I can tell you it would relieve a bit of stress from me to even have like 100 bucks a month.

what's your relationship status? single.

what time is it? 12:25 am

what emotion are you feeling right now? I’m all over the place. Tonight Kile and I were messaging back n forth in a consistent manner which we haven’t done in a long time. Things were a bit romantic, which was extremely hard for me to deny participation in, and then it ended with me saying bye. boy it is hard to let go of him

do you have netflix? I do.

have you ever traveled outside your home country? no. Sadly, without a shot I will not be getting, I’m unsure of how I’ll be able to until the restrictions lessen.

coffee or tea? teeeeeeea pls.

shower or bath? Shower unless the bath is deep enough to cover my long self. 

what's your favorite pizza topping? depends on what kind of pizza. For instance, Jacks just GETS how to do supreme. some places nail the pepperoni, or fresh garlic or whatever. 

what's something that makes you happy? thinking about decorating my own place one day.

do you have siblings or are you an only child? I have 2 brothers and 1 sister

what's your favorite instrument? Piano, cello, drums

what's your favorite food? today it is fruity pebbles.

what is something you are always losing? I am pretty consistent on things going back to their original spot. I suppose if I’m losing something maybe it’d be like a scrunchie.

are you good at spelling? a good amount of the time.

what is one goal you have? all my goals are shifting.

did you get a flu shot this year? Nooo. never have. 

what's your favorite Disney movie? oh boy. i am not good with narrowing down those. are you bored? Not really, I’m just trying to keep my mind occupied until I’m sleepy.

what are you listening to? serendipity, bennys tail hitting my pillow, and my fans.

what's your favorite foreign language? I think it depends. are we talking for the way it sounds? or one that I’d want to learn?

what do you do when you can't sleep? this, read, find quotes, do puzzles, stare at the ceiling.

do you like cats or dogs better? this is one of my very least favorite questions to be asked. why would anyone want to choose between the two? both are so great.

do you have any piercings? Just my ears

what's your favorite vegetable? Potatoes

do you eat meat? Yeah.

what's your favorite season? any of them minus summer. Honestly, probably winter. 

do you still write letters? I love to, but I no longer have anyone to write to. 

what would make you really happy right now? i think a distraction that comes from having a crush.

what's your favorite song? ooo this changes but right now i’m into a lot of blue october.

are you good at giving advice? so, I’m the person you go to for advice if you want the moral, behaved, “you won’t regret this later” type advice. I’m great at giving that.

what's your favorite hobby? Right now, this.

do you prefer to talk or text? That is going to depend on the person. almost always text. But some people.. their voice is just intoxicating.

what's your favorite pair of shoes? I’m going to have to trash all my shoes for ones with heel support. 

how often do you read? (as in books) usually daily, but I’ve fallen out of that lately.

do you have any pets? I have 2 cats currently. I really want a golden retriever, but hey.

what's your favorite day of the week? they’re all similar at the moment, but probably saturdays

are you in college? I’m in the inbetween. Finished 2 bachelors, but am waiting for grad program

are you/have you ever been in a long distance relationship? I have been,

how do you typically listen to music? I use Spotify. either thru my headphones, my bluetooth speaker, the kitchen google, or my phone.

do you like going to the beach? I do so long as I have shade or the water is good to swim in.

did you make any new year's resolutions? I think pandemic NY resolutions were all about survival thru mentally exhausting times.

how old are you? 29 yrs young

do you know anyone who is blind? I do

who is someone you admire? My mom

do you have a good singing voice? when I was a kiddo, preteen, and teen yes. not any longer.

are your nails painted? Nope. I just wanted a break from keeping up with them.

Are you an extrovert or introvert? I’m an introvert but I can behave very well with the extroverts.

what are you having/had for dinner tonight? I had some tacos.

do you ever write in a journal? I would like to begin again, but this is a decent makeshift option

if you could time travel when/where would you go? I mean I’d love to go back to some great memories, but I worry that could be painful beyond repair.

what's your favorite animal? whales.

what's your favorite kind of cereal? honestly my cravings for cereal are for any kinds that I can no longer have. so dont ask.

how was your day? I’m only 44 minutes into it.

do you ever listen to classical music? I do. Clair de lune is one of the best 

what inspires you? learning. learning always inspires me.

how many pillows do you sleep with? I have like 20. OK huge exaggeration. I believe the true number of sleeping pillows is 4 large, 1 mini. 

how many hours of sleep do you need? I typically run off of about 3. I’ve had sleep studies done regarding that. But If I’m getting good oxygen and the temp is coooooooold I sleep so good.

do you have big or small feet? I have pretty average to slightly bigger. 

what's the weather like where you are? It’s been in the upper 80s.

what's the most interesting thing you can see out the window? just the reflection from my TV. it’s real dark out.

does/did your high school have a school song? no.

what month is your birthday in? July.

what's your dream job? the brain.

are you excited for summer? I’ve had a lovely summer, truly.

what foreign country would you want to live in for 6 months? switzerland.

did you have to go to school today? No, no I have not.

win a million $$ or never have to pay for anything again? Never have to pay for anything. Why would that even be a question. do you throw coins into fountains? when I was a kiddo

do you have a trampoline? Nope

what's your favorite song lyric? what if we could put our lives on hold and meet somewhere inside of the world, I would meet you... would you meet me? 

what did you eat the last time you went to the movies? Ill be honest IDK if we even got food.

do you ever measure time in songs? only if I’m in the shower. I’ll be like ahhh I’m 4 songs in.

do you know how to play chess? I’ve been taught MULTIPLE times. have I retained any of them? na.

what's your favorite game? (any type) right now I’m digging skipbo, trionomos, rummykub, and trouble.

do you enjoy traveling? I love it. so much.

do you tend to wait till the last minute? nope. I’m almost always 2 weeks prior

have you ever owned a goldfish? Yep!

how do you relieve stress? go on a drive. 

without looking it up, guess the outside temperature? I’d guess maybe 70. lemme see how close I am. 68!

now look it up - how close were you? woops. 68! two off.

do you prefer digital or analog clocks/watches? Digi. 

do you prefer to shop in stores or online? I almost always prefer online, but in store has its own perks like seeing the quality of things.

do you enjoy coloring? oh heck’n yea do you like to dance? I do!

have you ever owned a horse? my family did, yes

do you take selfies? oh i do. MUCH less now, than I did before. before I used to send kile like 10 a day. now I might take 2 per week.

do you ever listen to music in languages besides English? Not often, but on occasion

have you ever cried from listening to a song? absolutely.

do you prefer headphones or earbuds? so I appreciate how headphones are safer for the ears, but i typically wear earbuds.

can you speak Spanish? Very little. like a few words

what's the last thing you watched on youtube froggy freshhhhhhhhh dunked on now what time is it? 12:57. Im getting sleepy. --------- ok now it’s 859 am. I passed out last night.

do you ever watch musicals? sometimes. it’s not my favorite thing

do you know anyone who's a twin? Yeppp

do you ever get carsick? oh heck yeah, i do love the windows open

what's your opinion on wolves? I really never had an opinion. check back.

when you're sad do you prefer sad music or happy music? sad. indulge me

do you like seafood? Nooo. i wish

do you enjoy going to the zoo? no. i really dont. are there any celebrities from your hometown? uhhhh not that I know of

do you shower in the morning or at night? morning if I was great hair. If I want meh hair, night

do you prefer to work alone or in a group? Alone. ALWAYS.

do you go to the gym alone or with a friend? I don’t go to the gym. < problem solved.

do you like coconut? I like the scent but not the food. <<< SAME who is someone you're jealous of? JV for her abs

what's your favorite place to go out for breakfast? eggheadz

do you still have your christmas tree up? nah. its a tickle early (july)

do you have a favorite type of bird? cardinal.

have you ever had an overnight flight anywhere? yup. plenty of times.

if you use them, tell me 5 of your recently used emojis heart eyes, disappointed looking off to the side, sad face with eyes closed, hearts all over the face, and rolling eyes.

do you know anyone that plays the violin? yep. 

how much money is in your wallet right now? I would need to count

anything you're looking forward to tomorrow? having been done with packing lol

have you ever auditioned for anything? yeah I used to do auditions all the time for plays I was in.

did you have a webkinz when you were younger? No.

how would you describe your aesthetic? airy, comfy, inviting, warm

have you ever been told you look like a celebrity? yeah a couple times but its like not even a tiny bit close.

when was the last time you rode a bus? i have never.

if you saw $50 on the ground what would you do? is there a wallet attached?

do you know how to play any unusual instruments? yeah. don’t ask me. I’m not pleased about it.

are you an early bird or a night owl? kind of both. 

have you ever had trouble understanding someone because of an accent? oh yes. But the more time you spend talking to those individuals who have accents stronger than what you’re used to, become very easy to understand over time.

do you ever go to Massachusetts? I’ve never been but I’d love to go.

do you personally know anyone who is transgender? yeah a few people I’ve met through school. 

do you remember anything from when you were 5 or younger? yeah a few very small memories. 

do you need to do laundry? yes I desperately need to pack and I’m waiting on the laundry for that to happen. 

do you know anyone (including yourself) who actually enjoys math? NOT ME. not even close to me. Kile seemed to like it. 

do you have a favorite poem? the one written for meeeeee

if you were from somewhere else, would you visit your town on vacation? I don’t think i’d think of it, it’s not near anything specific.

where would you spend $100 if you had to spend it all in one store? amazon.

would you rather go to Japan or Greece? Greece.

now what song are you listening to? Gilmore girls, text notifications, fans

what are you wearing right now? shorts and a blue teeshirt. Bout to just be in a short shorts so I can tan. 

any fun plans for the weekend? travelingggggg.

[decadeoftwallajstephens]

75 Questions Answered 5/28/2018

Biggest fear?

Dying not a Queen or a Trillianaire. Living an Unfilled Life

When do you want to get married? Do you want to get married?

Already got married. Not right now.

What is your dream job?

Editor In Chief of Vogue while being Queen of Africa

What do you want to major in in college?

I don’t know. Paralegal, Photography, and Physcology. IT. 

Where do you want to go to college?

Stanford or Yale

If you could marry one celebrity, who would it be?

King Leruo Molotlegi of the Royal Bafokeng Nation

Where is your dream vacation?

Malta

Which of the Seven Wonders of the World would you go see?

None

Do you always want to live where you do now?

No

If not, where do you want to move to?

California

What’s your favorite cereal?

Peach Cheerios

Favorite flavor of poptart?

Brown Sugar Cinnamon

Do you like rollercoasters?

No

What’s your favorite soda?

Pepsi

Who is your favorite fairy tale character?

None

What’s your favorite horror movie? or do you not like horror films?

I don’t like horror movies

What’s your favorite holiday?

Don’t have one

What do you notice first about a guy/girl?

How handsome they are

What’s your favorite pizza topping?

Hamburger

What did you have for dinner last night?

Wings

Who do you look up to?

No one

Most embarrassing moment?

To many to name

Coffee or tea? Or neither?

Champagne

What superpower would you have?

The ability to generate money

Favorite video game?

The Sims 

Favorite video game counsel?

None

What’s the best thing that happened to you this week?

I woke up and turned 30

What’s the best thing that happened to you today?

I woke up to my sons

Do you sing in the shower?

Sometimes

What would you do if you had 24 hours to live?

Have lots of sex

What’s your favorite commercial?

None

What was your favorite birthday?

Can’t answer that 

If you could have a zoo animal as a pet, what animal would you have?

Lion

Do you want pets in the future?

Yes

Do you have pets now? What kind? How many?

None

What kind of pets do you want in the future?

A Schnauzer  

How many kids do you want?

As many as I can.

What would you name the pets or kids?

I am inbetween

What’s the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen?

None

What’s your favorite fruit?

Pineapple

What’s your favorite dessert?

Cookies

What’s your best talent?

Making a mess

What’s your favorite Dr. Suess book?

Wacky Wednesday

What’s the longest you’ve gone without sleep?

24 hours

What TV series world would you love to live in?

Dynasty

What’s the last trip you went on?

Vegas

Do you like Chinese food?

Sometimes

Do you like Mexican food?

Fave Cusine

What’s the weirdest food you’ve eaten?

Sushi

Have you been to state fair?

No

What’s your favorite candy bar?

Snickers

What’s your favorite candy that isn’t a bar?

Gin Gins

What kind of car do you want to drive?

I don’t drive

Who do you go to for advice?

God

Are you afraid of heights?

Sometimes

Are you afraid of small spaces?

Sometimes

Are you afraid of spiders?

Sometimes

Are you afraid of snakes?

Sometimes

Have you ever been to Disney World or Disney Land?

No

If so, would you go again?

N/A

What’s your favorite school subject?

All

Favorite teacher?

Don’t have one

When do you usually go to sleep?

Early

Where is a weird scar on your body and how did you get it?

On my arm, a broom

Who can always make you smile?

Myself

Have you ever dyed you hair?

Nope

Have you ever gotten a concussion? If so, how?

Nope

What are three good things that happened to you today?

I woke up

I ate

I took a shower

Who is your best friend?

Myself

Which friend have you had the longest?

Myself

Are you a night owl or a morning person?

Morning

When do you usually wake up?

5:45 am

What do you think about most often?

Being famous.