#basically they need to understand previous scenes properly to even come close to understanding the van scene | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bemused-writer · 4 years ago

Text

VNC Mémoire 50 Analysis

This chapter went down very differently from how I'd envisioned. XD My main error was that I forgot that introducing Vanitas into a situation doesn't necessarily improve it and this chapter really drove that home. I got used to "Gévaudan Vanitas" but what we're dealing with is "Bal Masqué Vanitas," someone who is more unhinged than he wants to let on. I mean, I think it's safe to say Vanitas efficiently steered things into a ditch this chapter. Let's take a look as to a possible why and how.

The first thing I want to address is how the transition from Vanitas's attitude in chapter 46 compared to chapter 50 is pretty severe in terms of how he's acting towards Noé and at first seems, uh, completely insane but it's actually pretty consistent with how Vanitas has been in general.

Vanitas: Noé, stop! Don't go near him. Mikhail is--!

His reaction towards Misha actually is pretty consistent all things considered. The very mention of Misha filled him with fear in the catacombs arc and it does so here as well. We also see Vanitas demonstrate he is afraid of what might happen to Noé should he encounter him. And that thread is continued at the very start of this chapter.

We're absolutely dealing with subtleties here, but there are three things I think we can take from this exchange:

1) Vanitas is worried about Noé, but he doesn't want to be too demonstrative about it

2) He's trying very hard to hide the fact Misha unnerves him

3) Misha can read Vanitas easily

That last bit is important. Misha knew Vanitas for a couple years while they traveled with VotBM, so he knows his ticks. In particular, he knows what Vanitas is worried about. "I only made him drink my blood." The implication is that he could have done something worse and he knows Vanitas was worried about that in particular. I think it's safe to say the worse option was that Misha had corrupted Noé's name. With that concern thwarted, Vanitas's main concern regarding Noé has probably already been alleviated, which may explain why the continuation of the conversation is actually pretty calm for a moment.

In the previous two images, Vanitas is panicked or suspicious bordering on angry. In this one we see something closer to compassion and understanding. I think if the conversation had simply remained on the subject of Misha not remembering what happened to VotBM we would have gotten a very different chapter. At the very least, I think Vanitas would have focused on handling Misha in a calmer manner. I don't know if he would have explained things properly, but I think the overall vibe would be different. I think that a loss of memory is something Vanitas would sympathize with considering how protective he is of his own memories and that's probably why we got this surprisingly quiet scene with the two.

Such a thing could not last, however. Misha shook things up by revealing that yes, he thought he was dead, but he was brought back by a kind individual. Furthermore, this kind individual can bring back VotBM, too! As if that isn't enough, he calls Vanitas's entire goal in life, vengeance, silly. It's basically the perfect recipe to make Vanitas go ballistic and it worked immediately.

Okay, so in my last meta I said it's basically confirmed that Vanitas killed VotBM. I think this absolutely confirms he killed her if there was any remaining doubt. Furthermore, he talks about how he's currently working to erase her existence entirely, which is not a small statement. It could be symbolic as he is curing vampires, something she would have hated and likely going against her philosophy in some way. He is "erasing" her existence by defying her values.

He could also mean it very literally. VotBM is blamed for malnomen after all, which is the very thing Vanitas is trying to cure. If she did create malnomen and if she even had something to do with Charlatan then yes, Vanitas is very actively trying to erase her entire existence from this world.

You know, I'm sure this attempt at erasing her could lend itself well to his own self-hatred. If he wants to erase her (literally or metaphorically) then having her mark on him must be torture.

As a side note, we see Vanitas shooting with a gun in this chapter. He doesn't own a gun (weirdly) and as such I think it's likely Dante's. Dante was pretty drunk at the restaurant they were at, so he was in no position to come along, I guess. XD But Vanitas knew he would need extra protection and borrowed it all the same. Still, even Misha comments it's odd for him to use one, which makes me wonder why. Actually, the more I think about it, the stranger it is for Vanitas to go about without a gun. Sure, he has daggers and other skills, but he's in constant danger and some range probably wouldn't hurt.

Regardless, he brought the gun to fight Misha specifically I expect, which means he doesn't want to get close to him. Questions abound as to why. I do not have an actual theory about this one just yet.

At this point in the chapter, I think Vanitas had completely forgotten about Noé until he reinserted himself into the situation. After all, he needs to rescue Dominique and Vanitas is shooting at the person who has complete control over her right this minute. Definitely a recipe for disaster.

Misha gives Noé 15 minutes to find some way to drink Vanitas's blood and reminds him pulling any tricks won't work.

And this is where our communication disaster begins this chapter. Vanitas wants to handle everything on his own without interference. Noé can't allow that because he needs to protect Dominique and, also, Noé is already involved. He can't not be involved at this point no matter what Vanitas wants.

Rather than attempt any kind of sympathetic response or understanding, Vanitas goes right for the throat.

This is around where I think we need to address the elephant in the room: Vanitas and Dominique's relationship with each other. The second they met one another they couldn't stand each other.

This is the first time they really talk to one another and it's a mess. Dominique is understandably suspicious of this random human using her friend to help him cure curse bearers. She even states later on that she thinks he's using Noé for his abilities. As for Vanitas, he's simply being incredibly petty and arguably possessive to boot. He just doesn't like her getting in the way of him and Noé.

Then there's all this:

So, Vanitas knows these two are very close and overheard them as they shared an intimate moment together and even seems to have some kind of opinion on it, though it's hard to say what it is. He first seems surprised, then his expression becomes the neutral, unreadable one above. I kind of think his ultimate opinion about the whole thing is negative judging by his infamous insult to Dominique later on.

Look, Vanitas is a raging misogynist, but I think he takes special issue with Dominique. We can see with Jeanne that he actually does want to help her and holds some measure of affection for her (and now believes himself to be in love with her). He's been utterly neutral to all the other women in the series as well, such as Amelia. But Dominique? There is absolutely no love lost there and all of the above isn't even getting into one of his primary issues with her: she claimed he might worship VotBM.

Of course, Vanitas seems to get most angry when people approach the truth because there's also this scene:

I will admit that it's a little unclear who Vanitas is saying he never really hated in this scene. The official translation went with "Lou" but it could very well be "Lu" the beginning of "Luna" who was confirmed as VotBM in this very chapter, so... He hates VotBM but also loves her. That would seem about in line with the complete mess that is our current Vanitas.

So how does all this tie in with chapter 50? Well, Vanitas has a lot of issues with women, especially relationships with women and most of those likely stem from VotBM with a side dish of his being the cause of his mother's death while constantly being compared to her visually. Furthermore, he really doesn't like Dominique.

With all this in mind, is it any real surprise he refuses to help her? Because it wouldn't be that hard to. He has The Book of Vanitas and he knows what Misha wants. He could either do something to undo Misha's curse on her or he could tell Misha the information he wants to know. Furthermore, he could just make something up to tell Misha! His memories about that day are practically nonexistent after all!

But he doesn't. Some of that is, I'm sure, because he's not thinking very clearly, but some of it is definitely out of spite. Vanitas doesn't like that Noé has an attachment to Dominique. He believes it makes Noé weak. It's why Vanitas can't stand his own interest in Jeanne or Jeanne's attachment to Luca or any relationship in general. He firmly believes attachments make someone weak and I'm sure he believes his own attachment to Noé makes him weak. It's why he must do his very best to stomp it out this chapter. He must deny his own attachment to Noé, remove Noé's attachment to Dominique, and kill Misha to restore his own warped idea of order.

Vanitas is, needless to say, a human disaster.

Even with all this, there are still little glimmers of Vanitas's better side. He seems genuinely shocked and disturbed when he first hears about what happened to Louis, but then Misha continues with how it affected Dominique and he's right back to refuting the whole thing. We also get this interesting tidbit:

Talk about a loaded statement and some insight into how Vanitas views relationships with women! I have very little doubt he's thinking of VotBM right now. He says that by killing Dominique, Noé will be "free" in the way he is. Vanitas saw his relationship with VotBM (whatever kind it may have been) as a weakness and a curse and he cannot fathom that Noé's relationship with Dominique isn't somehow the same. From his perspective, it's just not possible for them to have a genuinely good thing going. He believes Dominique is too protective of Noé and is holding him back and that, clearly, killing her would be doing Noé a favor.

Vanitas's expression here reminds me of a key moment during the catacombs arc:

Here he was angry at Noé for showing compassion to chasseurs and for "holding himself back." He then tells him to get out of his sight (something he also pulled before) and calls him a slur, finally provoking a reaction.

That's not terribly dissimilar to what's happening now. Vanitas is angry at Noé for showing compassion to someone he coudln't care less about, he's "holding himself back" (as well as Vanitas), and Vanitas says the cruelest thing he can, finally provoking a reaction.

Just like in the catacombs, he got a much stronger reaction than he was betting on. I think it both cases, Vanitas was just saying whatever first came to his mind without thinking about repercussions (just like in the Bal Masqué... there's a theme here) and therein lies the second problem he has: he doesn't believe Noé will ever retaliate against him even though he has no real reason to believe that. He sees Noé as kind and mistakenly assumes this translates to him never reacting to Vanitas's cruelty. Probably because it takes a lot to rouse genuine anger out of Noé, but still. That's a serious oversight and potentially a part of that blind spot he always seems to have when it comes to Noé.

As for Noé, first he's having everything he believed about his relationship with Vanitas cruelly denied by the man himself and then Vanitas trashes on the one relationship he's managed to maintain his whole life with Dominique. It's not like Noé was going to simply drink Vanitas's blood either (that much I was right about). He asks Vanitas for his help, begs him to simply tell Misha about that day, and is denied. He confesses that it's "self-centered" but he doesn't want to do what Misha requested. He doesn't want to drink Vanitas's blood to get this answer.

So, Vanitas actually had a lot of opportunity to turn this situation around or at least delay it, but he opted instead to goad Noé until the worst possibility was realized. When Noé lunges for him, he is terrified and immediately lost in his own past where he is told to never let anyone take his memories. Both Noé and Vanitas are having painful memories awakened during this scene, so neither of them is thinking all that clearly. Vanitas is coping with Misha being right there and memories of VotBM and Noé is dealing with his own memories of Louis's death and Dominique's imminent demise. The ghosts of the dead are haunting them both.

These two pages are the most powerful of the chapter in my opinion and my personal favorites. The angling, the mutual betrayal and devastation is very well portrayed. We can see that Noé is shocked that Vanitas shot him. Not only that, but right in the eye, something a chasseur would do to weaken a vampire. We also see that Vanitas is not unaffected by the whole thing. His arm is shaking after shooting the gun and he's flinching away from Noé.

And speaking of the eye injury, I had a theory awhile back that Noé might be partially blind in his left eye due to the injury he sustained as a child. He tends to guard more with his left side and has been consistently injured on his left side as well, which suggests that's the weaker side for him. Now that his left arm is injured and his right eye is also injured, how well will he fare against Vanitas? Especially now that he has the chasseur drug (gifted to him from Dante, I expect). Normally, I would say that in a straight fight, Noé would win without a doubt, but he's been severely hampered for this arc.

Of course, none of this is taking into account the fact Vanitas has The Book of Vanitas. While shooting Noé is far from a great move, it's significantly less destructive than using the book against him and I have to wonder, why didn't he? He easily immobilized Noé during the Bal Masqué with it and if he did something like that here he wouldn't even have to argue with Noé about what should or shouldn't happen next. Noé wouldn't get a say. It's entirely possible Vanitas has simply forgotten he has it but it's also possible that some small part of him is trying to avoid the ultimate betrayal because, despite everything he said, he does care about Noé.

Meanwhile, Misha is delighting in the whole thing. He's convinced Noé will win after all, and then he'll get his answers. Except, as I've said before, Misha hasn't thought this out all that well and he definitely didn't know Vanitas had the chasseur drug. That changes a lot for this battle. Still, Misha isn't entirely uninvolved in this fight. He unleashed a bomb (I think because they got too close to Dominique? or just for fun?) and he did this:

I'm... honestly kind of confused at what I'm looking at here. Did he just turn on the lights? Or did he transform the area? To me, it's a little reminiscent of Charlatan, but they're definitely not here, so I don't know. Regardless, Misha is the one in charge of the arena and Noé only has 15 minutes to accomplish his goal.

The time limit is going to be the main problem here. I foresee these two fighting to a standstill unless Vanitas brings out the book. Then there's Dominique. She's watching all of this in silent horror. Vanitas and Noé aren't likely to stop without outside intervention. What I'd like to see happen is Dominique reestablishing power over herself and getting them to stop, but I'm worried she'll take the more dramatic route of flinging herself off the building. After all, she's dealing with a serious load of self-loathing herself and she might think she's taking away Noé's friend by being taken. I'm still holding hope for Dominique to come out of this alive, but her fate is the one thing I'm genuinely concerned about in this arc because while things are bad for Vanitas and Noé, narratively they have to eventually come back together. That's the premise of the series. There may be a bucket load of trust issues and all kinds of difficulties--they may avoid each other this whole arc--but they have to eventually work together again.

Dominique does not have that same kind of plot armor. Her fate is tied directly to whatever Mochizuki thinks is most effective for Noé's plot and, well, I guess we'll see what that is.

As for who Misha is working for, there are a couple of possibilities. My first thought was Moreau to be completely honest, but Misha does have memories of him, so it's unlikely he'd ever refer to him as "kind," so I'm going to strike that option off the list. Teacher is a vague possibility, but I also think it unlikely. He wants to observe the events around the book, not create his own. Ruthven was another likely source, but if it is him I think it's indirectly through his connection to Charlatan. He doesn't want Noé to potentially die to Vanitas after all; he has future uses for him. He also doesn't seem to have that much interest in VotBM.

So, after crossing off most of the options, I think we're left with Charlatan (who isn't really a person, so probably a no on that too) and, weirdly, Marquis Machina. Oh, and possibly the de Sades, but while they dislike Dominique, I don't think they'd expend this kind of effort. It would look bad for the family. Now, we know basically nothing about Machina, which makes him a great option because we do know he's a major player somehow but not precisely how. I guess time will tell on that one.

As for other general predictions, I think Noé and Vanitas will fight to a standstill like I said before. Their battle will probably be interrupted by something, whether that's an action taken by Dominique or a third party arriving. Misha will definitely get away regardless of which it is. Whether Noé is willing to work with Vanitas will depend on what happens to Dominique and whether Vanitas will work with Noé depends on how capable he is of just... pretending the whole thing didn't happen and whatever Noé says to him. For the most part, Vanitas has stuck with Noé because of the way Noé has spoken to him, and that's likely to remain the same. Probably. Noé wants to save curse bearers, so as long as Dominique is okay he'll probably also shove the whole thing aside in favor of doing just that. But at some point they will both have to confront that things got ugly very fast and that this is in no small part to the secrets they kept from one another and the biases Vanitas keeps.

Waiting for the next chapter is going to be hard. XD I'm personally very excited about how things are going. They're not what I guessed, but they are super interesting and will really have an impact on the series, so I'm definitely here for it.

#vanitas no carte #vnc #vnc meta #vnc spoilers #Bemused's post #long post

195 notes · View notes

k-s-morgan · 4 years ago

Note

Hello I have recently discovered your blog very deep analysis of scenes and characters ! Can you tell me about the empathy Will has. Is it the visions he has when he goes to murder cases

Hi! Thank you - and sure! I’ll mix some of my previous answers here. Basically, I have two views on it, and none of them is about Will being a good empath.

Version 1: Will has deep understanding of killers only because he is one

To me, Will’s empathy is one of the most contradictory things in the show because what ended up on screen differs from what I’m sure Bryan had in mind. Will doesn’t have a good empathy in ‘Hannibal’ - in fact, I’d argue that he has a rather limited capacity for it, considering how he can’t relate to most people and fails to read their emotions even on a basic level from time to time.

In the books, Will does have an empathy disorder: he mirrors people, often without noticing it, and it makes him a better profiler. In the show, what Will has is an almost supernatural ability to connect with exclusively killers on some dark mind level. In E1 of S1, Jack says that Will makes leaps no one can explain, and Will tries to argue that the evidence explains it. But it really, really doesn’t. He doesn’t just make good guesses, he determines what the killer is thinking with 100% accuracy, sometimes to the point of voicing their literal thoughts aloud. He doesn’t mirror them like he does in the books: he retreats into his imagination and sees himself in their place physically, hearing their thoughts and repeating their actions. That’s not empathy, exactly - he’s more of a medium in these scenes.

Will doesn’t mirror people in general in the show. He does acquire some new traits - like he begins to do some sophisticated Hannibal-gestures eventually, but it isn’t presented as anything more but typical human behavior. Many of us develop new habits after being in close contact with another person. Will has a dominating range of his own unique habits - again, like most of us do. He can apply the killers’ perspective with starling clarity, but he’s in perfect control over it. He doesn’t get lost in there like it happens in the books. The only exceptions are when he’s very sick in S1 (with Tobias’ and Gideon’s two kills) and when he’s gone too long subduing his real self in S3 (when he gets angry with Alana and Jack and his vision blurs with Francis’). Other than that, Will decides when to switch his ability on and off. That doesn’t fit with empathy disorder.

Will feels sorry for some people (mostly murderers and those he can relate to in other respects, like Reba), but he remains calm and logical in other instances. For example, let’s take E1 of S1 again. Elise’s parents are emotional wrecks, but Will remains collected and asks a very logical question about the cat that Jack overlooked. In E5, he notices that Jack is shaken and talks to Mrs. Buddish, who is consumed by guilt and sorrow, himself. These are scenes where people are emotional and Will isn’t affected by it - well, he does react in certain ways, but he doesn’t mirror them. Same principle applies over and over again throughout the entire show. Will remains ‘himself’ at all times.

If the plan was to demonstrate he’s in control of his empathy for the most part, then it doesn’t work as well because Will is never shown doing his trick with other people. For example, at the times when the darkness grows overwhelming and Will understands he begins to slip, why not 'hide’ in the heads of normal people like Alana? It could give Will the strength to fight his dark impulses, to let some light and normality into his mind. Since he doesn’t do it, he likely just cannot relate to them properly. His gift works only on killers.

More than that, Will is bad at deciphering simple emotional language. In E7 of S2, he’s released from prison and Alana greets him. Will doesn’t register her coldness and the obvious hard undertones of her questions, he remains oblivious and thinks she’s come with good intentions. He misunderstands the reason for Peter’s feelings in E8 because he’s too focused on his own emotions - he thinks about killing Hannibal, so he assumes Peter also killed Ingram. He falls for Margot’s obvious lies, even though it’s very clear from her body language that she’s not in a mood to have sex, especially with a man. He spends ages figuring out whether Hannibal is capable of love. He misunderstands Abigail for a long time and ends up alienating her because he thinks she’s scared of darkness while in fact she’s scared because of her enjoyment of some of it. And there are endless examples like this.

Now, Hannibal says Will has “pure empathy” in E1, but he doesn’t know him at this point and can only make guesses. Also, anything he says to Jack is automatically subject to suspicion since he’s unlikely to be 100% truthful, especially when it comes to Will’s assessment. We also can’t rely on Will to tell the truth, considering how terrified he is of anyone finding out the reason for his seclusion.

I don’t think it was actually planned like this, but in the show as it ended up, there is no evidence of Will having some huge and unique universal empathy. He connects only with killers and even then, it’s more of a supernatural mind link rather than empathy. He understands them because, like Freddie says, he is a killer himself. He doesn’t show the same deep understanding for non-dark people, he makes huge mistakes in emotional judgement, and he doesn’t engage in mirroring more than most of us do. So yes, like you, I don’t think Will is a good empath.

Version 2: Will has a gift that’s centered on the presence of a murder victim’s body

We can see that Will reconstructs crimes and understands killers as they commit them, but he doesn’t get them in all other situations not related to murder. From major examples: Will often doesn't understand what Hannibal feels for him. He has no idea how to connect to Abigail correctly. He misunderstands Chiyoh. He can’t say much about Francis other than figure out his mindset during murders. If he really had killer-oriented empathy, he wouldn't have so many problems. So, maybe Will’s gift is not really about killers either? Maybe it’s about death?

Every time Will reconstructs the crimes, his visions revolve around the victim’s body. When he analyzes the scenes without the bodies, he just imagines them there, like with the Dragon: they were already removed, but he envisioned them after reading the report. The only interesting exceptions happen when Will gets into the Ripper's head in S2 to see what he did with Miriam, but there is still a body of a politician involved. The second instance is when Will analyzes Sarah’s body in E8 of S2: he gets into Peter's mind almost by accident, and while this mind is twisted, it doesn't belong to a killer. Peter is the only non-killer we see Will ever connect with, but he's still a person heavily involved with a body - he tried to give it a new life. When Will looked at the scene, he was supposed to get into Ingram’s head, but instead, he got into Peter’s. So it seems like a body is an important component of Will's gift, a catalyzer he needs to turn it on.

And finally, there are two instances in which Will loses control over himself in terms of this ability. Both happen in S1, when he’s physically ill. The first time, he speaks like Tobias - and he’s staring at the body directly when it happens. The second time, he speaks like Gideon - and once again, he’s staring at the corpse of his doctor. I feel like it’s a big indication of Will having not an empathy, but an actual half-supernatural gift that is activated once he sees/senses the body.

#hannibal #will graham #hannigram #meta

83 notes · View notes

chroniclerdl · 3 years ago

Text

Seven Fundamentals to Writing Better Yu-Gi-Oh Duelfics

Ever wanted to write a duelfic just as good or better than canon?

Done right, duels are memorable action scenes.

Done wrong, duels shatter the suspension of disbelief. It’s already a big ask to imagine the world revolving around a card game.

You don’t want the tragedy where your readers yank the scrollbar past your duel, or worse, close your tab. Even the small pool of duelfic readers/writers like me will skip huge chunks of your chapters when the duels sag.

By implementing basic storytelling techniques tailored to dueling, you can hook your readers into following the play-by-play.

High Stakes

Consistent Rules

Sneaks Checked

“Balanced” Gameplay

Foreshadowing Victory

Engaging Description

Dramatic Tension

1. High Stakes

When you advertise your story as a duelfic, your first duel tells readers whether or not what you wrote is worth their time.

If your characters duel without a concrete reason to rip the opponent’s throat, readers already know the outcome:

You lose.

Why? The game is pointless. Who’s dropping whatever they’re doing just to read the equivalent of your characters sipping afternoon tea? If you’re introducing the setting and characters, why can’t you introduce exciting threats?

No reader expects your first duel to decide the fate of the world, but your characters still need to bet.

Characters wager life chips.

If your character loses, they suffer death or suicide-inducing despair.

Is it too much to start with life-and-death? No. Think of the life chip as the culmination of hopes and dreams.

As the story progresses, the stakes will rise, must rise. How? Others will entrust the main characters with their own life chips, and/or the life chips acquire additional meaning. Consider this loose analogy: at the end of a poker tournament, gamblers sit at the final table with stacks built from the chips of others.

Life chips mean different things to different characters. Let’s take the Duelist Kingdom arc.

Yugi’s life chip is the hope to save his grandfather (and later, his own soul)

Joey’s life chip is the hope to win the prize money to fund his sister’s medical operation

Kaiba’s life chip is the hope to save his little brother (and later, his own soul)

You don’t even need your final showdown to revolve around the fate of world; it just has to be one or more things that matter to your characters.

Also, make sure to communicate the stakes, or why the characters accept uneven bets.

If you have the chops, you can also play around with disguising the stakes. As in, your character thinks they’re wagering something small, but it’s actually their life chip. However, your readers still need a vague reason to believe that a defeat will devour the character.

Always make sure the characters stake one or more life chips!

2. Consistent Rules

If you watched the Duelist Kingdom arc and tried to understand the moves everyone made, your head exploded.

Ask yourself: will the clever scheme that your hero invented drive readers crazy?

If I write a magic system that requires a wand, this applies to all. I cannot become a genius and suddenly wave my hands to cast magic.

Demonstrate the rules early, preferably in the first duel, and keep them sacred.

If you must make an exception, establish it early. In that case, the exception becomes a well-defined branch of the rules that the readers can anticipate.

Can the players magically draw the card they need, whenever they want?

If you can establish the when and why, by all means. The readers proceed with the understanding that the players can reach into their deck like a glorified toolbox.

For example, Duel Links has a concept called “skills” that function like a player’s special ability. At the time I wrote this, Yami Yugi’s “Destiny Draw” skill lets the player take any card from their deck once per duel after losing 2000LP (and even if they stacked the top of the deck earlier!).

Card should also have the same, predictable effect. If the card prevents attacks, I doubt the text discusses physical properties or mentions holding things in the air. But you knew that, right?

The rules are the laws of the universe.

3. Sneaks Checked

I love duels. I also love getting what I want.

Why does getting what I want have to be through a duel?

If we talk, maybe we can come to an agreement. If I blackmail you, maybe you’ll give in to my demands. If I shoot you, I can loot your corpse. Give the readers a good reason as to why your characters would bother with the hassle of honest dueling and can’t wiggle from the consequences of losing.

Often, the duel takes place in the context of a tournament. Hopefully, the tournament officials are keeping a good eye on the players and cracking down on cheaters.

However, even that’s not a guarantee. What’s the key concept?

Power.

The competitors have equivalent capacity for coercion (usually violence) or have a neutral referee presiding over the match with the most capacity for coercion (shoutout to gambling manga Usogui).

Anyone who enters a game otherwise has lost before the first move.

In Yu-Gi-Oh, magical and sci-fi enforcement are common. The Shadow Realm can trap the loser in a desolate hell. In a digital world, the loser suffers deletion. Or just have good tournament officials.

Be vigilant when your duel doesn’t call upon these tropes.

Your amoral characters won’t mind blindsiding your other characters, and they won’t mind blindsiding you with a plot hole.

If you’re not careful, the readers will ask you why they played uncharacteristically fair.

4. “Balanced” Gameplay

Duels should be fair and fun…for the villain.

Ostensibly, everyone plays a balanced game, designed to give both sides a sporting chance. In reality, the villain tilts the field to their favor with one or more tricks up their sleeves. Why would your villain ever fight fair?

But that’s fine. We love rooting for the underdog and watching the villain get their comeuppance.

Overpowered ability to let the villain read minds? Deck full of unbalanced cards that makes the villain’s monsters invincible with no drawback? Creator who knows every strategy in the game? Readers will turn the page as they wonder how the hero will prevail.

The more obstacles you can throw in the hero’s way, the better.

Got custom cards? No problem, just follow a couple guidelines. After all, some duelists are more equal than others.

The hero’s deck is full of regular cards that have a cost to use. For every play they want to make, their cards insist that they give up their attack, discard to play, etc.

The villain’s deck is full of rare cards that power up their game for free. So long as you can justify why the card made it to print, the villain can play whatever they want.

For every step your hero takes, the villain gets two.

5. Foreshadowing Victory

How many times have you watched a duel where the protagonist comes up with this never-before-seen card that does exactly what the protagonist needs to clinch the win? In the final showdown, no less? It’s like the writers begged to be called amateurs and idiots.

No other genre tolerates such laziness.

However, readers don’t want an infodump of the characters’ decks. Show the cards in action. To cover the deck, you'll probably need multiple duels.

This also implies you have more freedom in how your character defeats their early opponents in the duelfic.

Does that previous statement contradict what I said about never-before-seen cards clinching the win as the mark of laziness? No, because here’s the rule:

Tolerance for the hero’s new cards decreases as the story progresses.

(Notice that I specify the hero’s new cards; your villains exist to make life harder by inventing unfair tricks.)

When you must include new cards for the hero late in the duelfic, at least find a way to make them first backfire.

Now, some writers have lots of knowledge about the card pool and metagame. Can they assume the readers a priori know the hero has access to any of the available cards in a given archetype?

I’d err on the side of caution and properly foreshadow the cards before they appear late in the duelfic. Not every reader is a walking card database. They have no reason to assume something exists unless you show the card.

Take the tolerance rule into consideration when planning your duels. If you know the awesome combo you want to use for the final turn in the duelfic climax, that’s your cue to scatter the cards into the earlier duels.

Plan the last duel first and your early duels last.

6. Description

Every reader wants a front-row seat to the action.

They’re paying you their time, so make it worth the admission: sleek combatants & budget-busting fights. Kaiba invented Solid Vision technology for a reason, so help readers envision your duels.

Who’s fighting? Describe the point-of-view’s impression of the monsters’ appearances. Red-Eyes Black Dragon should be self-explanatory.

What about a decorated monster like Time Wizard?

You could go into detail about how the red clock humanoid has yellow gears that form epaulets and purple, pointy boots and a green mustache made from clock hands and so on, but such a level of minutiae bogs pacing and invites skimming.

Readers just need to hear about a purple-caped, red clock humanoid with a wand to form an image. Their imaginations can handle the little details.

Paint appearances in broad strokes and one or two brief sentences.

How are the monsters fighting? Duel Monsters is a game where the target takes the aggressor’s attack like a champ. That doesn’t mean you can’t spice it up.

For example, my opponent’s dragon attacks my weaker knight with a fireball. My knight, interested in not dying, raises his shield. Unfortunately, he screams as the flames engulf him.

You wouldn’t just stand still with a straight face if someone armed with a knife lunged for your gut.

A fight scene is a string of action and reaction.

Most people also experience life in more senses than just sight.

A dragon’s fireball is a bright reddish-orange, hot, dries the air, smoky, and explodes with a boom on impact. I never tasted a fireball, and I hope I never do, but that’s still four senses: sight, touch, smell, and sound.

Include multiple sensory details.

Let’s spare a moment to talk about the heads-up display (HUD).

In Yu-Gi-Oh, cards have multiple stats and abilities. You’re free to mention whatever you deem necessary. No set formula exists. On one extreme, you can mention nothing to keep the narrative clean at the risk of confusing the readers. At the other extreme, infodumps about the monster’s abilities provide great detail but wreck the pacing. But there’s a cozy middle.

State only what you need from the card.

If your duels occurred before the era of Synchro, you don’t need details about levels. You can just display the basic stats to determine the stronger monster. If a deck has Pendulum monsters, just mention the scale numbers when they're played as scales. And so on.

You can also make an index of new cards at the end of a chapter.

BONUS TIP! Understanding show, don’t tell.

What is show, don’t tell? At its core, this concept refers to immersing your readers in the senses and feelings instead of exposition. Unfortunately, that definition is a bit vague to execute. After writing for a while, I had my lightbulb moment.

Don’t TELL the readers how to think or force-feed them a conclusion.

SHOW your readers the evidence.

Here’s a written example from Joey vs. Rex in Duelist Kingdom. See if you can spot what makes this prose telling instead of showing.

“Joey watched nervously as Two-Headed King Rex stomped Baby Dragon. He messed up his Baby Dragon-Time Wizard combo!”

You can see two failures: “nervously” and the second sentence.

Adverbs like “nervously” and other “-ly” friends get a bad rep because rookies tend to use them as telling crutches (especially beware adverbs after dialogue tags!). “Nervously” tells me how Joey reacts. But what does “nervously” look like? One character might bite their thumb. Another might fidget in their seat. The adverb in this context lacks nuance.

We also have the second sentence: “He messed up his Baby Dragon-Time Wizard combo!” When you’re explaining the “why” to something, you’re telling. It’s like talking down to your readers.

Contrast with the next example.

“A bead of sweat rolled off Joey’s face as Two-Headed King Rex stomped Baby Dragon. He stared at the Time Wizard in his hand.”

The first sentence shows me Joey’s physical reaction. I see him sweating, so I think he’s nervous.

We also see a second physical reaction: “He stared at the Time Wizard in his hand.” This comes on the heels of the first sentence, and I also have knowledge of when Joey used the Baby Dragon-Time Wizard combo in a prior duel. Combined, I think Joey is ruminating about a missed chance.

Readers are smart; they’ll catch your intention if you show the proof.

7. Dramatic Tension

I bet you know what it's like to draw a bad hand.

Imagine: The hero staggers into the arena, and the villain just needs to win one duel to take over the world. The villain draws a bunch of powerups with no monster, but the hero draws a one-turn-kill combo.

Anticlimactic. The readers throw that duelfic straight into the trash.

Don’t just write real-life duels. “It really happened” doesn’t mean it’s emotionally satisfying.

That’s why we have literary structure.

Success and setback pace together with progressive intensity to maximize dramatic tension and emotional payoff.

I’ll spare the nitty-gritty theory detail, but your duels should look like this on a basic level:

Part 1: Villain’s basic threats. Introduces the villain’s deck and style.

Part 2: Villain’s minor strategy. The villain’s first serious attempt to defeat the hero.

Part 3: Villain’s major strategy. The hero’s reversal! But the villain has worse in store.

Part 4: Hero’s imminent defeat. The hero must break through, or else will instantly lose!

Ideally, you’re also integrating the story itself into the duel; themes and duels synergize to create a stronger effect.

You may notice how the format resembles the three-act structure.

Act I is Part 1

Act II until the Act II midpoint is Part 2

Act II midpoint until Act III is Part 3

Act III is part 4.

I’ll use Yugi/Pharaoh vs. Pegasus in Duelist Kingdom as an example.

Part 1: Mind scan. Pegasus can read minds to counter combos.

Part 2: Toon World. Indestructible, cartoonified monsters attack.

Part 3: Shadow game. Toons destroyed! But playing a shadow game weakens Yugi.

Part 4: Yugi passes out. The Pharaoh must find a new way to stop Pegasus’s mind scan!

Figure out each part of the structure for your duels before writing the turn-by-turn plays.

By the way, modern real-life Yu-Gi-Oh duels don’t suit drama because the rules provide weak constraints to creating strong boards. A good modern deck usually establishes a scary turn one board and jumps straight into Part 4, whereas other card games like Magic: The Gathering and Hearthstone force the powerhouse cards to wait several turns until the player builds the mana to pay costs.

You can still write a good modern duel. Here’s a basic outline of Arc-V’s duel between Sora and Shay. Technically, “tragedy” is the structure of this duel, so I’ll make Shay the “hero” to flip it and keep matters simplified.

Part 1: Basic monsters. These clash before a monster appears from the Extra Deck.

Part 2: Frightfurs. They come one after another to crush Shay’s Raidraptors.

Part 3: Sora’s wrath. Rise Falcon survives! But Sora’s malevolent nature comes to light.

Part 4: Frightfur Chimera. Sora chomps candy and summons his biggest fusion horror!

If following the four parts is too difficult for you, that’s okay. They're just logical extensions of one basic concept. Keep the following in mind, and you’ll never go wrong:

The villain’s subsequent threats become increasingly overwhelming.

Conclusion

Much of writing a duel boils down to storytelling technique.

Let’s tl;dr the main takeaways.

High Stakes: Minimum ante is the life chip, worth a character’s hopes and dreams.

Consistent Rules: Everyone plays by the same logic.

Sneaks Checked: Characters can’t skip the duels with violence and coercion.

“Balanced” Gameplay: Villains enjoy advantages.

Foreshadowing Victory: Readers have a chance to predict the winning combo.

Engaging Description: Immerse senses and invite reactions.

Dramatic Tension: The villain makes progressively stronger threats.

As a duelfic reader/writer, I can gauge a writer's ability by measuring their duels with the fundamentals. Many fan writers struggle; even the canon writers struggle.

But writing a duelfic isn’t rocket science. With practice, minding the fundamentals will become second nature.

And don't forget to tag your story as a duelfic. It's a whole genre in fanfic, so sort it properly and help readers from the future find you.

May the heart of the cards be with you.

…

Want to see in-depth examples of my advice? I rewrote the Orichalcos arc to reimagine its untapped potential without the failures of the canon presentation. You can find it on FFnet and AO3.

#yugioh #ygo #yugioh fanfiction #yugioh fandom #fanfic writing #duelfic #writing #writing tips #writing advice #writing help #how to write #listicles

19 notes · View notes

sevenkittensinatrenchcoat · 4 years ago

Text

1998 Film Scene Interpretation: Bustopher Tries to Leave

So, I was recently reminded that when watching the various songs in Cats on YouTube, I can, in fact, go frame by frame. This means that I can examine scenes way more closely that they were ever meant to be examined and come up with my own interpretations for the story in the scene. There’s a portion of Bustopher Jones that, when going over it slowly, I found interesting.

Note: This isn’t exactly a headcanon. It’s just a single way this scene could be interpreted. Also, I’m interpreting it with my previous headcanons in mind, namely that Bustopher is Mistoffelees’ father, but he doesn’t see him very often and basically had the other Jellicles raise him so that he wouldn’t have to bring a tiny kitten into a human club where he might get stepped on. He also generally never expected to be a parent and didn’t want the responsibility.

So, Grizabella leaves and everyone’s a bit out of sorts. She exited through the right side of the stage. That’s apparently where backstage is. When characters leave, they go in that direction. It appears that they usually enter on the left and exit to the right. Remember this.

Anyway, Bustopher shows up, entering on the left, and Misto is the first to notice. He seems Bustopher before the audience does. While everyone else is still caught up on Grizabella, he notices Bustopher now none of that matters. Who cares what just happened. Dad’s here.

So, Misto runs of to Bustopher to say hi, but Bustopher doesn’t seem to notice him at all.

Once everyone else notices that Bustopher’s there, they all gather around him. Misto has been running around the stage, trying to make sure that everything was right for his dad’s visit, but now he’s stuck behind the crowd and Bustopher can’t see him. He doesn’t appear to be hidden behind the crowd, but with the combination of Pouncival’s salute and George’s :D, it’s hard to notice anyone or anything else.

So, Misto runs around the crowd and right into Bustopher’s path, determined to get him to acknowledge his existence. He does his best, Most Gentlemanly Bow to prove that he is worthy, because, after not being noticed before, he’s probably not sure if he is.

Since he was directly in his path, Bustopher did notice Misto this time. He turns to Asparagus with some sort of comment about what just happen and since Misto seems to be looking at both and beaming proudly, I’m guessing Bustopher probably noticed the Most Gentlemanly Bow and praising your kid to a nearby adult is sometimes better than praising them directly. He’s worth bragging about.

Bustopher touches Misto’s hand, which seems to be a common formal greeting among Jellicles, based on all the ways Munkustrap was greeted at the beginning of the show. It’s a formal greeting as a response to the Most Gentlemanly Bow. It’s a show of respect. Misto has grown up to be a good and proper young gentleman, fit for the sort of high society Bustopher associates with.

But, that’s it. Bustopher moves onto the next person, greeting everyone who attracts his attention. He responded to a formal greeting from a kid trying his best with praise and another formal greeting, but he’s not treating Misto any differently than anyone else.

Meanwhile, Skimble is talking to someone hiding in the oven, who is probably Pouncival, but from a distance, the paw on Skimble’s shoulder looks black and white while Pouncival’s paws are brown and gray. Most likely, this is Pouncival and the lighting is making the color not show up properly, but this gave me the image of Misto feeling rejected and going to hide in the oven with Skimbledad trying to be reassuring.

So, Bustopher greets Munkustrap and then sort of shoos him out of the way. I’ve often joked about him walking in the direction of the orchestra pit, but he’s moving towards the right side of the stage. He’s trying to leave. He dropped in to say hi to everyone, he’s said hi to everyone, and now he’ll be on his way, even though he’s been there for less than a minute.

Munkustrap invites Bustopher to go ahead and leave, just try not to step on the kittens, who really should know to get out of the way, but they’re not really lined up with the exit, so one would think that Bustopher would just walk around them. Misto notices that Bustopher’s leaving and runs after him. Once again, this is less than a minute into the song and there’s been no room for time skips. He only just got there and only briefly acknowledged his son, not really treating him differently from everyone else.

Bustopher strikes me as the kind of guy who just “doesn’t do family”. He prefers to live alone with no interest in marriage or children. He visits his family on holidays out of a sense of obligation, but he never stays longer than he has to. It’s not that he dislikes his family, he just probably doesn’t have that much in common with most of them. They lead very different lives. He had a child by accident and probably assumed that his mother would take care of him and his father not being there wouldn’t matter. Plenty of children are perfectly happy being raised by single parents. But, something happened to the mother and now Bustopher’s the only biological family Misto has left. He did not sign up for this and has no idea what to do. Luckily, in the community of Jellicles, the village raises the child, so even if a kitten’s biological parents aren’t around, someone will always be there for them. Their basic needs will be met and they’ll grow up knowing that someone cares about them. So, Misto was just sort of handed over to the community.

But, Bustopher was still around and Misto knew he was his father. Most of the other kittens, if their fathers were alive and connected to the tribe, were at least partially raised by them and Misto became aware that his situation was different and started to feel rejected. Bustopher lived the high life and it appeared as if he just wasn’t good enough.

So, Bustopher is an odd-one-out in a very family-oriented society and Misto feels left out. These occasional visits are all the family time he gets and he’s not going to settle for less than a minute on a major holiday. He basically freaks out and runs to physically stop Bustopher from leaving.

And Munkustrap notices. He sees what Misto is about to do. Instead of stopping him from doing it, a grown tom (well, mostly grown) should know better than to pull on a gentleman’s tail and make a scene, he actually changes gears.

Munkustrap, after seeing what Misto was doing, turns to stop Bustopher from leaving. He understands what’s going on here. Old Deuteronomy lives in a village a good distance away from his sons, so they were most likely raised by the village with their father only visiting on occasion. Munkustrap has always worked to prove his worth as a son of the Jellicle Leader, so he knows why Misto is the way he is. They grew up in similar situations. So, he’s going to help Misto out. He should get some more time with his father, enough time for him not to feel rejected.

Munkustrap physically stops Bustopher from leaving (and also probably stepping on the kittens who never thought to move out of the way) and the same moment that Misto grabs Bustopher’s tail.

Misto gets Bustopher’s attention and he turns to look at him. Misto is just so happy that his dad’s here!

But, when Bustopher turns around, he sort of crashes into Misto and he falls over backwards. Bustopher now cares. Misto might’ve gotten hurt trying to get his attention, though falling over backwards isn’t exactly an injury. He now understands why Munkustrap stopped him from leaving.

Bustopher turns back to Munkustrap, concerned. Munkustrap reassures him that Misto will be fine but it would help if Bustopher stayed for longer than a minute.

Meanwhile, right away, Skimble goes to find a place for Bustopher to sit. Hauling around 25 pounds of weight can be exhausting, so maybe if he had a chance to sit down, he’d be more willing to stay for a while. Skimbledad, parental figure to all who need one, is also aware of what’s going on with Misto and he’s also quick to do what he can to help him.

Also, Skimble is one of Bustopher’s biggest fanboys and he doesn’t want him to leave either.

So, this is just one interpretation of the events here. A lot of different stories can be told within the vague series of events in the play. But, this story is one that I came up with and haven’t heard before, so I’m sharing it.

#cats 1998 #mr mistoffelees #bustopher jones #munkustrap #skimbleshanks #skimbledad #it's five am i shouldn't be doing this

41 notes · View notes

gamerwoo · 4 years ago

Text

[The Pack Next Door] Mingi: Friends with Benefits (Part Two)

(photo edit courtesy of @songmingki)

Characters: Mingi x female reader

Genre/warnings: werewolf au, friends to lovers au, angst but not like hard angst it’s kinda mild tbh, lil bit of fluff

Word count: 1,913

Summary: Growing up, you and Mingi were inseparable. You’d been friends your entire life and, as far as you knew, things were never any different. But what you don’t know is that Mingi imprinted on you when he was 15 and first turned into a werewolf, and he had been trying to keep it a secret ever since. And with the awful timing of mating season, he’s hoping he can somehow keep the facade up.

Tags: @sakura-uji @xummie @peachy-hoon @psshwa @uglyratlmao @uwu-yifan

Previous | Next | Friends with Benefits Masterlist

Hongjoong, Seonghwa, and San had come home from classes together, walking through the front door as the two older boys scolded San about his grades. They walked down the hall and past the living room where you and Mingi were sitting on the couch, watching TV. One of your legs was flung over the arm of the couch as you leaned into Mingi, while your best friend was simply sitting straight beside you, keeping his eyes trained on the TV. You saw out of the corner of your eye the three boys barely glance over at you as the kept walking out of sight, before backing up and looking into the living room at the scene.

“What is he doing?” San whispered loud enough for his friends to hear -- they could hear way better than you thanks to their sharp senses -- but quiet enough that you didn’t hear a thing.

“Being a fucking moron,” Seonghwa replied.

You turned your head to look at the audience you now had, “Can I help you?”

Mingi’s eyes had flickered from where he was trying so hard to concentrate on the show, to his brothers. They could hear how fast his heart was beating and see the sweat beginning to bead on his forehead, the way his hands clenched on his thighs, and the way he was basically straining himself to sit still.

Mating season was starting soon for him.

“Uh..._____,” Hongjoong stepped forward with his usual sweet smile, “do you wanna play some soccer in the backyard? I have some extra energy I need to burn.”

“Oh, hell yeah!” you grinned as you jumped up from your spot on the couch. You looked down at your best friend, “Mingi, you wanna ref?”

“Nah, I’m good,” he told you, trying to come across as completely normal.

But there was something off about him.

Still, you shrugged, “Suit yourself.”

Then you followed Hongjoong out to the backyard.

As soon as you were gone, Seonghwa marched up to Mingi, grabbing the younger boy by his shirt and pulling him to his feet. Despite having height on the older boy, Seonghwa wasn’t afraid because he knew he had authority over Mingi.

“Are you fucking crazy?” Seonghwa demanded.

“Yes,” San answered for him with a nod.

This definitely wasn’t the first time Mingi had to go through rut and not let you know. But it seemed this time for some reason, he was being a little too bold for the pack’s liking. It was clear he was having some difficulty being so close to you -- thank god mating season hadn’t actually started for him or there would’ve been nothing to keep him from pouncing on you -- and that was just because he was so close to mating season starting. He definitely had balls to hang out with you alone so close to that time of year where he had to be away from you.

“Hwa, I was fine!” Mingi insisted, holding up his hands in surrender.

“You didn’t look fine,” San interjected, Mingi shooting him a glare to keep out of this.

“What if you hurt her, huh?” Seonghwa demanded. “What if you couldn’t fight the instinct? What if you did something bad to her?”

Mingi whined, “I wasn’t going to!”

“But you could’ve,” Seonghwa stated, giving Mingi a solid shake. “You can’t just act fine and then everything is fine. You can’t pull that shit this close to mating season.”

Seonghwa finally let the younger wolf go, and he frowned as he straightened out his shirt, “What are you, the alpha?”

“No,” Seonghwa offered him a tight smile, “but I know Joong is going to have a lot to say to you, too.”

Even though Hongoong never really had to deal with mates before -- even though he’d known you for a few years now but you weren’t properly Mingi’s mate -- he knew it was in his best interest to keep you safe rather than go deal with Mingi. That was why he chose to remove you from the situation and let Seonghwa deal with the younger wolf who clearly had some sort of lapse in judgement. Hongjoong definitely understood that Mingi had to act normally to keep their secret from you, but he didn’t need to take it that far. He should’ve just not invited you over.

“How many wins is that?” you chuckled as you lightly kicked the ball between your feet, quickly an eyebrow at Hongjoong.

He laughed, shaking his head, “Look, you did this for seven years. I’ve only casually played since I met you.”

“Yeah, you launched the ball straight into Wooyoung’s head the first day I met you,” you recalled with a loud laugh.

“But I’ve gotten better at not doing that,” he said proudly, spreading out in the goal to -- hopefully -- catch the ball.

Before you could even swing your leg back to kick the ball, the door opened and San shouted, “Hey!”

The two of you looked over, you lifting your baseball cap to run a hand through your hair before putting it back on your head as you squinted against the sun to see San in the doorway.

“Mingi wanted me to tell you he isn’t feeling well,” San called. “We brought him upstairs to bed but you probably shouldn’t bother him.”

You frowned with a sigh, nodding your head, “Yeah, alright. Thanks, San.”

Even though he could hear the slight disappointment in your voice, San nodded and went back inside.

“You okay?” Hongjoong wondered, resting his stance.

You let out air between your lips, your lips flapping like a horse for a few seconds as you tried to gather your thoughts, “Mingi always has something going on where he just disappears like, twice a year. He has since he ran away our freshman year of high school. I kind of expected it to happen again but it like, always happens. I dunno, I’m just worried, I guess.”

Hongjoong frowned. He knew you cared about Mingi, and he should’ve figured you would catch onto it after a while. He used to always use the fact he was ‘sick’ as an excuse, but he had to get more creative when you begged him to see a doctor his senior year since he was always getting really sick twice a year. It then became ‘I’m a counselor at a week-long sleepaway camp’ or ‘I’m going skiing with my friends’ or things like that. Anything where he could avoid you for about a week until he was feeling normal again. Because if you were around him while he was in rut, he would have zero self control and would pin you against anything and go crazy. That was the last thing any of them wanted.

“He’s just...” Hongjoong trails off as his eyes find Mingi’s window from the backyard, though the blinds are pulled shut so neither of you can see inside.

But Hongjoong already knows that Seonghwa has probably dragged him up to his bedroom and ordered him to stay there until the alpha comes in to scold him for being so careless with you. But he also knows staying away from your mate is difficult -- not that he knows personally but he’s heard.

And Hongjoong never finishes his sentence because honestly, he’s not really sure what to say.

You finish your game of soccer with Hongjoong early because you decide you’re not really in the mood to play anymore. You’re not really an emotional kind of person, but anyone can tell you’re bummed out because of Mingi. You know things will go back to normal after a week, but you just wish you understood why this pattern kept happening. What happened to Mingi when he ran away?

Honestly, your best bet was that he joined a cult.

As you were leaving the house, Jongho was getting out of his car, grabbing his backpack and slinging it over his shoulder. He smiled at you as you passed by him to get to your car.

“Mingi’s girlfriend leaving so soon?” he joked -- well, as far as you knew.

Did you feel a little different toward Mingi ever since he came back freshman year, yes? You kind of thought maybe it was because you were afraid of losing him again, but it had stuck around until college, and that was a little weird to you. Still, you never said anything to him because you two had been best friends since you were babies. The two of you were voted ‘best partners in crime’ and ‘should’ve dated’ -- the latter was a little awkward since you were dating someone else at the time -- when you were seniors because of how close you were. You didn’t want to ruin your friendship because you were pretty sure he didn’t feel the same. He probably saw you as a sister. So you left things alone.

You scoffed, rolling your eyes with a playful smile, “Eat a dick, dude.”

His friends often teased you for being his ‘girlfriend’, and Mingi typically responded in the same fashion. But the teasing continued because his friends knew that while it embarrassed Mingi, it was the only way they could hint at how he felt about you.

“Why’re you leaving?” Jongho asked, turning around to keep talking to you. “You usually stay longer.”

You looked over your shoulder, this time rolling your eyes in a less playful way, “Mingi’s sick.”

“...Oh,” he nodded, already understanding the situation. “Well, uh, we could hang out tomorrow after classes if you want? Maybe go get slushies at the gas station or something?”

Even though Mingi’s friends would never replace him, they had become your friends since you were around them so often. And whenever Mingi was away, they always offered to do things with you like go to the arcade or get pizza at the beach or something.

You shrugged, unlocking your car and opening the door, “We’ll see.”

After waving a quick goodbye, Jongho went into the house. He could hear Hongjoong raising his voice a little at Mingi from outside, but he had drowned it out so he could converse with you. But now that he was inside and saw Seonghwa and San sitting on the couch watching the show that you and Mingi had left on, he was more intrigued.

“Mingi started mating season already?” he wondered.

From upstairs, he heard the wolf in question reply, “I did not!”

“You’re too close to it to have _____ around,” Hongjoong reminded him, his voice also traveling from upstairs.

It was true, it was supposed to start really soon. Nobody could ever place the exact day, but they kept track of around what times in the year it happened. It was like having your period but minus the blood -- for males, anyway -- and with a lot more sexual aggression.

“So the excuse this time is that he’s sick?” Jongho asked before adding on, “Again?”

“What did you want me to say?” Seonghwa asked. “They were sitting on the couch together so it was the only thing that made sense. I couldn’t say he suddenly went off on vacation, now could I?”

“We always keep _____ away from the house, anyway,” San shrugged, waving the problem away. “It’ll be fine. She never questions it, anyway.”

“She will question it eventually,” Seonghwa pointed out. “We can’t keep this up forever, and neither can Mingi.”

302 notes · View notes

shinjaeha · 4 years ago

Text

itsay ep 3 (thoughts + spoilers)

itsay ep 3 fucking obliterated me so here i am with some more thoughts on this episode (drama) in general. this is just me being an incoherent mess bc my mind is basically just one long !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! after having watched this (once raw and again subbed). this isn’t an analysis, it’s literally me just gushing over the ep as i watch it bc boy oh BOY.

WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT EVERYTHING HITTING DIFFERENT AFTER THE BOAT SCENE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if i thought the tension in the boat knocked the breath out of me, this whole ep was that x10000.

they really started us off with a bang having continued straight off from last ep with teh smelling oh-aew’s hair, huh?? teh rubbing his face with the coconut paralleled with oh-aew smelling his coconut scented shampoo?? excuse me as i cry into my hands.

teh wasn’t willing to wake up early for tarn when she wanted to draw early in the morning, but when he sees that oh-aew wants to wake up early to study, HE’S the one that makes sure that oh-aew wakes up (and he stays up to keep oh-aew company, even if it’s just over the phone). then again when they’re at the resort...love that tarn realises that too. boy ain’t subtle. also, how is it even possible that they can have that much tension just speaking over the phone?? they’re not even in the same room and the tension between the two of them is so thick i can barely breathe.

the “let me know when you’re home”!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOYFRIEND BEHAVIOUR. as soon as oh-aew asked teh why he always asked tarn that, i KNEW they were gonna put that in there for him and oh-aew and i’m glad i wasn’t disappointed :))) the look on oh-aew’s face when he saw the text!!!!!!!!!!! the way he stopped in his tracks!!!!!!!!!

i already had a feeling that oh-aew was going to be the first one to properly realise and accept his feelings for teh based on the teasers (makes sense since he already knows he likes boys...he’s more sure of his sexuality, which would of course make it easier for him to accept based on that). seeing the way he used the ‘if you get close to him and he doesn’t move away it means he likes you’ theory that teh initially told him to try on bas with teh too was really cute. and the jealousy over tarn. i LOVED that we got to see a more petty side to him when he announced he was going to room with bas partly bc of how lowkey jealous/mad he was about teh and tarn talking over the phone. it left teh so unsettled and confused (the piano music was PERFECT in that scene), and is 510% something teh would have done too (based on the previous two eps). they really are a perfect match huh. but poor bas being caught in the middle of the two of them ;;;

i liked that a lot of this ep was from oh-aew’s perspective. i feel like we got mostly teh’s pov in the first two eps, so it was really nice to see things from oh-aew’s pov too. gave us all more insight into his personality and he’s honestly SO MUCH more flirty than i thought he was going to be omg. the potato chip scene where he just crawled over to teh and ate that potato chip all the while staring straight at teh, then lying on his lap?????????? teh was (understandably) flustered after that AND SO WAS I. i was not expecting that whatsoever. i was also really impressed with how honest oh-aew was about his feelings. i love that he’s stayed true to their previous heart to heart in the boat scene last ep where he basically told teh that he wanted transparency between the two of them. he’s sticking to that, and i admire him so much for being able to be that vulnerable and true to himself. i thought there might have been more confusion with bas, but it looks like as soon as he realised his feelings might have faded/that he was feeling things for teh now, he just went with it. i know in my last text post i said that oh-aew is usually the more cautious/pragmatic of the two, but i feel like when it comes to his feelings, he seems to be really in tune with who and what he wants (more so than teh). this of course makes sense bc he’s likely had more time to come to terms with his sexuality...which is what teh’s figuring out for himself now. on top of that, oh-aew’s feelings for teh are a lot stronger than the ones he has for bas. and since he’s also more certain that teh likes him back, he’s so much bolder in how he approaches teh. and teh, to his credit, returns that honesty too when oh-aew basically pushes him into acknowledging that there’s ~something between them (hammock scene). i was kind of expecting him to push away from that/deny it, but he didn’t. he’s obviously just a lot more confused with his feelings and still needs some time to understand them and process them fully. on a related note, hammock scene was so loaded and SO well acted by the both of them. the fact that they can move from playful in one scene too achingly intense in another always throws me for a loop.

another thing i really love about the two of them is how they push one another to be better. it’s that rivalry that makes their bond even stronger, but it’s also something that worries me for future eps ngl...

but i honestly feel SO BAD for bas...clearly, he likes oh-aew, and although oh-aew was initially confused with the two of them, he’s definitely more convinced when it comes to his feelings for teh. but when bas essentially asked oh-aew out, and oh-aew said let’s invite the rest of they guys?? he looked so sad and my heart kind of broke a little. it’s like watching the poor second lead in a kdrama. and tarn too :( i really hope that when teh accepts his feelings for oh-aew, he doesn’t keep her hanging on the way that most BLs tend to do. she deserves so much better than that. my heart really hurts for the both of them, but at the same time teh and oh-aew are just magnets being pulled together at this point. they can’t stay away from each other.

the scene where teh rubs the smell of oh-aew’s coconut scented pen (from what he’s written) all over his face bc he’s at his limit and can’t stand all those pent up feelings anymore, only to race out to their special meeting place on the beach????? the moment he sees that oh-aew’s there too and he chases after him entranced (and the smile on oh-aew’s face)????? the way the instrumental ost just swells the moment they see each other????? the way they tease and dance around another yet again????? PURE ART. A CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE. THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DRAMA I HAVE EVER SEEN. this whole sequence has to be my fave scene in this ep. god, that part where the camera closes in on them and they’re face to face before oh-aew steps away again had my heart trying to flutter its way out of my CHEST. THEY HAVEN’T EVEN KISSED IN THE SERIES YET AND THEY CAN REDUCE ME TO THIS. honestly, their power is something else. the fact that they can stir so many emotions in all of us just by the way they glance at one another, by the way they dart around one another barely touching...there are dramas/movies with multiple kiss/love scenes that can’t even create that tension and longing. it’s the kind of chemistry that burns you inside out. it’s so palpable.

the thigh massage scene had me CAPTIVATED (like all their scenes tbh) and then teh’s mum came to wake me (and the both of them) up haha. but for real, there’s just something so tentative about what’s happening. these feelings are new to them, and they’re easing their way into it. always toeing the line, but not overstepping it yet. it’s primal. they keep letting those feelings build up more and more and more. and you can always feel the way it’s leading to something else. and of course it leads into the next scene where teh’s tutoring oh-aew again but the atmosphere is so incredibly heavy, so tight, that they can’t contain it anymore (i mean, the fact that they contained it for so long when they’re teenage boys with feelings for one another is already astounding enough to me). teh tries so hard, but then the back scratch happens and...THIS ICONIC SCENE...i thought they were going to kiss then (before oh-aew turned around), but then we got something else entirely and the intimacy of it all. just wow. literally not a single kiss and it was one of the most sensual scenes i have ever seen in a BL. it’s just the way they get so caught up in one another. THE YEARNING OF IT ALL. this whole ep was just pure anticipation, and i have never ever wanted two characters to kiss more than i do these two. it’s the build up that gets me (idk if this can be considered slow build since there’s only been like three eps but it sure as hell feels like it!!!!!!!!!). then teh pulls away and it’s like a smack in the gut...but at the same time, i get it. he’s not ready yet. there’s so much for him to take in and he’s not there yet (not the way oh-aew is), and just like oh-aew, it keeps us all hanging on, so close but not quite there yet.

so much of this felt like this cat and mouse game between the both of them where one of them would advance, then retract...it makes the tension between the two of them even MORE overwhelming bc you keep anticipating something, and you get fleeting moments of it, but then it’s over by the time you blink. they keep toying with one another, but not crossing the line YET bc they know that that’ll change everything the moment they do. it’s such a testament to the writing AND the acting bc it’s the chemistry that bkpp have with one another that creates all of that push and pull dynamic, that yearning and desire. having to wait a whole week again is just devastating...i think next ep seems like it might be the climax?? i’m pretty sure it’ll be the ep where teh accepts his feelings (or at least won’t be able to hold himself back physically anymore), where all the build up finally properly erupts, but at the same time, i just know that the angst is going to start piling up and idk how to feel other than terrified bc i’m way too invested now tbh.

anyway, this drama is absolutely magnificent, and all i want to do is rave about how damn good it is. so high quality. it feels so fresh, like they’re reinvented the tried and true coming of age tale in a way, and we’re all just along for the ride. it transcends the typical thai BL story (and i now understand why they were hesitant to label this as BL when it really feels like it encompasses so much more than the usual BL tropes and story). one of my fave dramas of the year by far (BL or otherwise). it’s just a class apart from any drama i’ve watched before and ticks every single box for me. stunning in every way. down to every detail and every feeling and emotion. it’s so raw and real and i can’t praise what nadao and the team have done with this enough (and we still have 2 more eps to go!!). there’s just so much meaning in every little thing, and in all those little things you can see the time and care it’s taken them to make this.

#wait have i talked about the ost and how they use music and silence in this bc it's brilliant!! perfection!!#i told sunset about you #itsay #bkpp #text #oh and not to mention the chinese lyrics being translated to thai STUNNING #nothing else can compare to how this series makes me feel i could write essays upon essays of my thoughts and it wouldn't be enough #it's the headiness of the two of them that has taken my apart in every way #this has felt like the longest week ever and this next week is going to feel even LONGER until the day i get a new ep once again #i think i prob have more things i want to say but i can't think of anything else off the top of my head i just needed to rant somewhere #normally i would just leave my thoughts and feelings in the tags but this is just too much the way the both of them overwhelm us all #you KNOW i'm gonna rewatch this again bc i can't help myself i really can't #i have a couple feelings on how the end could go and it absolutely worries everything inside of me bc there's A LOT of foreshadowing #going around and it's just got me feeling :///#climax next week (i'm pretty sure it'll be next week) is gonna feel like a volcanic explosion after all this waiting #i can't wait till we get the other teaser and i know what's happening in the next ep preview one too #we're getting the infamous neck kiss in ep 4 and it's gonna scrape out my insides just you fucking watch #i will sob until there is nothing left of me #didn't billkin describe the neck kiss as just the sauce???????? fuck i'm not ready I'M NOT READY #the way this is the only thing i want to talk about for days months years decades #the feel of it def reminds me of cmbyn and yeah i totally see it #it's the authenticity of it somehow

64 notes · View notes

floxalopex · 4 years ago

Text

I don't know if somebody already did this specifically. But yh the heck let's go.

WARNING 1: THIS IS NOT A POST FOR SENSITIVE PEOPLE AND/OR MINORS. (it contains gore and sexual themes and more).

And yes, SALT. Lots of salt.

WARNING 2: this has nothing to do with Christianity specifically. Atheism isn't hate towards your god(s) and/or its believers. Although there are many forms of atheism (some of which are so strong and violent they make me furious) think about mine as a general form of indifference. I hate the Church state, yes, but sorry I have that "at home" so please don't blame me. I don't like Abrahamic religions in general, but I've grown up with one.

I'm thankfully not a cult survivor, but I can understand some things.

WARNING 3: living in a very religious contest I have many beloved friends and relatives (starting with my mother) who believe in their god a lot. So if my words are too disrespectful tell me, I really don't want to hurt anybody.

Okay.

So.

I've seen many similarities between the cult Horde Prime put his clones in and your very average, very white, very western idea of Christianity.

1) Theophagy:

First of all, I really don't know much how this thing is lived in other Christian countries, but in mine they put a lot of emphasis on the Eucharist.

As far as I've seen I think it's pretty obvious how much in ancient cultures there's a very carnal and very grounded idea of the spirit. That can result in believing the soul to be the "psyche", so literally "the breath of life", the coordination of your sinapsis togheter (to me a very poetic definition of how our whole being ourselves is just us being our central nervous system) or it can lead to you eating the ashes of your granpa so you get his good qualities (something some cultures still do today). They said that the head of Orpheus was buried in the island of Lesbo and that's why its land was filled with amazing poets like Sappho. There's this very, sorry, brutal idea of the embodyment of the soul, the talents of a person, that even a piece of corpse is considered a magic thingy.

This is no different in the very old, very ancient, very rural Christian religion (at least in the most common version of it, we have many flavours of one truth apperentely).

When I was in High School we studied a lot Bacchus and the Baccanalia, because there are several commedies about it. My teacher, being very religious, was almost ashamed to admit that a lot of acts of those festivities (let's say that the most normal thing was for women to give their milk to animal cubs) were actually not very dissimilar in their rawness to certain habits of the religion.

So, what about Horde Prime? (me *yh, what about it, stupid ADHD?*). I have seen a post in the past explaining that yes, even though spacebats have the dentition of a frugivore bat and not haematophagus bat, the scene of Prime recharging in his throne with all those disgusting cables filled with green liquid referred as "the life force" of his clones...well, it's surely something.

Looks like a sort of sci-fi vampire thing. Which is very cool and I love this headcanon. So again I kept thinking...what is THAT amniotic fluid? I am a student, so correct me if I say something wrong.

Amniotic fluid is a combination of water 99%, proteins, glucids, fats and some salts (...it's even effective for electric conduction...the heck is that pool).

The most similar body fluid is plasma, so blood less cells. Even the serum, so plasma less proteins, is very similar.

Now, stated that Prime is a manipulative jerk, stated that I don't know much about aliens' physiology, stated that that fluid can come from blood potentially, in Church they say this:

*and Jesus said: "This is my body/blood which I offer in sacrifice for you"*

Apart from it being very creepy, there's this idea in the whole religion-thingy: if you are human you are a selfish monster, so monstrous you made our Lord and Savior die for your sins for how messed up you were.

So basically you don't become a sinner, you are concived as one. Humanity is sin itself, it can never lead to something good.

So are the clones. That's why Prime, in his benevolence, feeds them with himself. To make them pure, to protect them from the outside world. To make them remember who their strenght comes from.

If you don't want to read all of this just go for the Futurama soda episode, it's basically the same thing. Bleah.

2) Corpse feticism and more.

Again, don't know you guys, but here we are filled with mummies. I went in a place in Palermo and ...my gosh why did I do that.

We have everything here, hands, heads, feet, teeth so many of them, dead babies, dead virgins, dead popes, dead elders, all of them for half the prize, but only if you call today.

We are. Filled. With these atrocities. At least we don't touch them anymore.

Sometimes I wonder if, apart from the "hygene", people in Middle Ages used to die at the honorable age of 13 also because they kissed those... thingies there.

So, can we please talk about Horde Prime collection of "previous selves"?

This man has a whole room filled with corpses of himself. In the Vatican you can find corpses of dead popes as well, preserved and even dressed in a very good way. In Italy in general we have these, I remember a whole room in a town near my city filled with skeletons of "saints". Personally I find it very disturbing because you are basically not allowing that body to rest and serve its last biological purpose, especially if you consider that most of these "saints" were mentally impared young kids who were killed brutally and died as "martyrs". In ancient Greece the WORST thing you could do to a corpse was to leave it unburied, without dignity.

It's getting darker now.

I like both headcanons for Prime, that of a spoiled (maybe even sexist) royal of a lost culture who wanted to conquer the universe and that of him being a sort of ancient evil spirit, but I personally like to stick with the latter.

Imagine the old bodies of the clones Prime used for himself. Pushed to their limits. Clones dying young is horrific as well, but like these people were forced to go on. Not to die. Not to age as much as possible. And now that they are dead they can't even rest. They are a show off for anyone to see. Their brains preserved and their literal dead flesh still tormented for reading.

One may ask me, then what about corpses in formalin for medical use? Well, one thing is a donor or a dead fetus or a corpse nobody claims. That's the story of the skeleton in my university, a young male who didn't eat much. A very lonely man. Well at least now he is well loved and appreciated, ah if only he knew that.

The point is, we respect them. We are grateful for the informations they give us. Gosh, I know I'm creepy, but I even cuddled one bone once. We know they probably suffered. Like, search for HeLa cells. That lady has my highest respect.

But Prime? Those are. Vessels. Just that.

Anyways, apart for the "respect the deads thing" I found Hordak's behaviour in that room that of high distress. Like, ehm, any normal person? Search for "Convento Dei Cappuccini", that place I was talking about in Palermo. The fact that I heard kids cry and "MEMENTO MORI" everywhere.

Everyone and everything is afraid of death, I just accepted that fear because it's normal. That doesn't mean I want to be reminded of it every week, especially if I'm a 7 yo kid.

Honorable mentions: that horrible art collection.

3) Double standards

When I went to catechism my teacher used a very feather hand on males and an iron fist on us ladies. We weren't allowed to wear trousers, to play football, to raise our voice. We were forced to be very clean, to sit with our legs as closed as possible. I heard it was worse before, at least we could play volleyball and weren't forced to knit.

We were however "encouraged" to sing and bake stupid cakes for Sundays. Mind you, I'm very feminine, but one thing is liking ribbons one thing is being a slave.

The boys...well, they could literally do anything. They broke things, used petards, beat each other. They were NEVER reproached, the teachers would say "oh, they are just boys". Like once I was so engrossed. I remember I had to sit behind a guy with his butt almost uncovered (because the lower you put the helm of your trousers the cooler you were) while I had to stay still with my head high, chest out, belly in and legs closed for 2h. The problem was: I almost pitied him. I was like "poor thing he doesn't know how to behave properly". That's so crazy, I was piting a free soul while I had my hands handcuffed because I truly believed the bullshit they put into my mind.

Now, imagine how did Horde Prime's clones feel about Catra and Glimmer.

They can dress as they please. Eat non amniotic fluid. Catra can even go wherever she wants.

To me, they didn't feel envious. As they should! That's how far an indoctrination can go.

Take Yudi interaction with Catra, he believes everything he is saying.

But I think deep down he knows, they all know, the truth, juding by his bitter reaction after being possesed. He knows he is the slave here, not the free man. But he wants to believe the other way round.

I think that yes, of course Prime kept Glimmer and Catra (and Hordak) because he needed them to conquer Etheria. But that is also a good way to show to the poor clones of how lost people far away from Prime's light can be. Slaves of their bodly needs and slaves of their individuality.

4) Sexual abuse

Do I need to explain this? Plus all those sick touches Prime gives not only to Hordak, but to Glimmer, Catra and Adora as well?

I don't know much about other countries, again, but here the Church is a real cancer. If a priest gets accoused of raping children he just gets put into another Church far away, and generally he keeps being a pedo even there and the game goes on.

I wouldn't exately say that Prime is a pedophile but clones are pretty innocent and neotenic to me so...idk.

Of course, Prime is his own state and his own rules, so yh. Raping all day. That's why I don't like to ship him with anything rather than a 100 m fall. Not even with his clones, sorry I know its kinky maybe but he is a monster.

Also, the way the clones feel like...honored to be raped. That's so sad. Maybe he convinced them this is the only right way they could experience sex and intimacy. I really don't know.

One thing I'm sure of is that Christian religion likes to often put shame on some "impure" acts. That's the name. The most impure of all is masturbation. If you are a male ...mmm well it's okay dear, it's not your fault you are male and so a sex starved animal. But if you are a girl? Ihhh oh dare you bitch.

Mind you, I fall in the ace spectrum but I did too have puberty and needs, and these thoughts in my head made me only conflicted.

Last thing. More of an asking. And more irriverent, so please stay away if you don't want to read.

So basically I understood I was atheist at 5 yo, just because I read two different versions of the birth of the Universe, one in my science book and one in my Bible (MY Bible, I still have it, was a gift of my aunt) and preferred the science version. I still felt conflicted, like once during a religion lesson at School (well...I don't blame Mussolini much in this case, I mean the Vatican wasn't still recognizing country indipendence and we needed a compromise) the teacher told me to stop drawing dinosaurs with Adam and Eve because they never existed. I mean...yes that's anachronistic but still I felt very sad, dinosaurs were cooler than that story. I remember I even made an experiment "if I say I don't believe in god will I get thunderstruck?". It didn't happen so I was like "oh cool, science wins". But then CATECHISM ecc ecc. The fun fact is that they think atheists are those who don't study religion, while I was the most zelous of the class.

So.

I just wonder...my baby boy Hordak is a man of science, what were his thoughts after his separation from Prime. I mean of course he still believed, but also not as much after some time. Entrapta is a support system for him of course, but he accepts her affection quite easily on canon. Which is amazing, still... maybe he was already doubting his devotion?

#Horde prime #horde clones #spacebats #Hordak #Yudi #atheism

16 notes · View notes

roz-ani · 4 years ago

Text

Okay, so first: I am so sorry it took me so long to respond, dear anon. I was really busy with school. Not to mention Tumblr wasn't kind enough to put this in my ask box, but I fortunately took the screenshot the day I received the message, while it got lost in all the other notifications.

Now, properly responding to your ask would require me to write a looonnngggg analysis. I have absolutely nothing against Bumbleby or Blacksun. In fact, I feel indifferent about both. I did say once I ship BS, but it kinda... disappeared? I think around V5. I'm not even sure what to think about Bumbleby at this point. I do feel like something is missing there, but I also don't think Blacksun should've become canon? Like I said, I haven't formed my opinion on the matter, but I'll try to explain it as good as I can while hoping to not write a novel XD

In volumes 1-3 we witnessed how friendship between Blake and Yang formed. After leaving Adam, Blake needed someone who would focus on positives, make her feel comfortable and offer emotional support. She found that in team RWBY. Did she form any special connection with Yang then?

I think this moment is one of the most important ones in their whole relationship. Yang told Blake she can't focus on fighting all the time - she has to rest too, with her friends by her side. She even winked at her, but I don't see it as something romantic. I'd connect it to Yang's playful personality.

After that, we didn't see anything really important. There were a few smaller moments between them, usually shared with Ruby and Weiss. Until the Fall of Beacon:

I've noticed many people pointing this out as the first evidence of Yang's feeling for Blake. For me it doesn't really make sense. I'm 100% sure her reaction wouldn't change if it was Weiss, not to mention Ruby.

After that, Yang expressed how disappointed and crushed she felt when Blake left. She obviously didn't blame her partner for what happened, but she was trying to protect her at that moment, she heard how she screamed after Adam hurt her. But Blake felt guilty and went to the only people she had left in her life - her parents. Sun travelled there with her, therefore they logically had to spend more time together. More one that later.

Now, them missing each other is understandable, but were they really that close? Yang wanted Blake to be with her. It was not the first time someone left her, when someone didn't give enough support after something tragic happened. Many people saw it as something romantic. I didn't. Weiss explained Blake's way of thinking to Yang and Sun did the same for Blake. However, many interpreted that longing as more than friendship. I honestly don't blame them. It really felt like they tried to work with something that... just wasn't there. Now, it all seems to come back to the moment when Yang lost her arm and Blake left her. And that's the thing that probably confuses me the most, so let's just leave it here and move on.

Volume 6, oh sweet, sweet volume 6. We started with Yang still being uneasy around Blake... for a moment. She said it'll take time for things to be normal again, but what mattered the most was the fact her partner came back. On the Brunswick farm Blake tried to show her support by promising Yang she'll protect her - Yang obviously wasn't happy with that. The audience received an information that there's still a problem, something's wrong... but then they started to talk normally again. Now, there were more important things to focus on, but it felt like the whole issue disappeared, it went absolutely nowhere. Then we got the fight with Adam. My biggest problem is his line "What does she even see in you?". It's really, really difficult, if not impossible, to not see it as something connected to love/romance. Would he say the same thing if it was Weiss not Yang?

After that we got the hug and hand holding. Was it romantic? Pretty much yes. Saying that the Renora airship scene from v4 was intimate, but this one wasn't seems kinda unfair to me. But why? Why was it romantic? What lead to those feelings? Where did they come from? There had to be something in v6. If we accepted the fact them missing each other was completely platonic then why it would suddenly become romantic?

Now, Blacksun. The first time we met Sun he immediately found Blake interesting and knew about her being a Faunus.

And while he might’ve been a bit “insistent”, he kept supporting Blake while trying to get closer to her. It’s obvious he was the one initiating something, like inviting her to the dance. Then we got this:

Now, blushes are something that can be interpreted in a few ways, mainly embarrassment or something more romantic. I think we can all agree it’s the second option. Again: why? When did Blake start to see Sun as someone she could possibly date? We obviously skipped some school weeks in the story, so it’s possible that they just spent more time with each other. Still, there wasn’t much we could pick to support this. At the same time it was more than what Blake had with Yang at this moment. While Sun became someone she started to develop feelings for, Yang remained her close friend.

Then came the Fall of Beacon. Blake ran away and Sun went after her. He felt like he couldn’t leave her alone, she needed support. Like I said, Sun can be insistent, but he’s still a great friend. The only time he acted like he was flirting with her was when he called her “his hero”. After that he kept being supportive, help her solve the White Fang problem etc. Blake on the other hand was constantly saying she doesn’t want his help and that she came here to rest. If there was any romantic development from v3 left, they both knew it wasn’t the right time for it. After Sun got hurt, Blake revealed why she ran away, why she didn’t want her friend to get close to her. She viewed herself as the source of their problems, wanted to be hated. Sun explained to her why her mindset isn’t healthy.

He even knew Blake kept thinking about Yang.

Oh, I almost forgot about the parents thing XD It’s obviously an old scenario: overprotective father and supportive mother meeting their daughter’s boy-friend. It’s always connected to romance between two young people, so I don’t blame Blacksun shippers for pointing it out. After that, we didn’t get much between the two. They focused on their mission, Sun kept supporting Blake in her fight. I v6 Blake expressed how much she'll miss him and kissed him goodbye. Sun told Neptune it was never about romance and it’s true to some degree. I’m sure he’d go after her even if he wasn’t in love. Sun is an amazing friend. He has his flaws, but you can’t deny his loyalty.

Okay, I skipped a few things here and there, but there’s still something I want to point out: the audience perspective. I think it’s safe to assume that Blacksun was more obvious choice. Does that mean Bumbleby never had a chance? Absolutely not. It’s not about whether it was planned from the beginning or not. It’s about buildup. When Blake and Yang got separated it was obvious they’re going to reunite. I wasn’t part of the FNDM during v4, so I assume people expected Blacksun to become canon during v4-5. I think it was still important to remember the fact of Blake and Yang reuniting in the future, which would obviously be crucial for their relationship. I also believe it was pretty obvious Sun wouldn’t stay with the group, so Blacksun would have to be confirmed later. I think the biggest problem with Bumbleby people seem to have is how obvious it is now. We all know it’s going to be canon, some even say it’s canon now. It does make sense since it’s inevitable at this point. But let’s look at this:

It seems like they’re trying to make up for what was lost in the previous volumes. Bumbleby technically isn’t canon yet. Blake and Yang seem to be fully aware of their feelings, it’s just a matter of time before they confess. Now, that may annoy some people, because we all already know it’s the endgame. At least that’s how I see it.

Now, which ship had more buildup? It’s honestly hard to say. Just because two characters shared more scenes together it doesn’t mean the ship is going to be canon. You have to look at the context. It’s also important to not have those characters be together all the time. It gets boring and annoying. Sadly, RWBY likes to do that (although v8 is doing a great job so far). I think both ships would need more time to be properly built up. Now Bumbleby is basically canon. The ship has its flaws when it comes to writing, but it’s not something that can be changed.

#rwby #bumbleby #blacksun #yang xiao long #blake belladonna #sun wukong #anon ask #roz writes #mine

32 notes · View notes

handlewithkara · 4 years ago

Text

Why would Karamel fans “move on” from Karamel?

I am puzzled by this concept that Karamel shouldn’t be rooting for Karamel anymore. It just boggles my mind in so many ways for so many reasons, I felt like jotting down some of them;

1.) Shipping does not work that way. Look I could elaborate, but I think most people who have ever encountered shipping understand this aspect.

2.) Kara has NOT expressed comparable romantic emotions towards anybody since Mon-El.

(gif by @ i-am-aci01 )

Look, I know there are fans who wish she would express that kind of romantic interest in other people, but looking at the show, it’s just a fact that it hasn’t happened. And since there is only one more season left, I don’t think bringing in somebody new would work, nor do I personally believe in any other relationships that have just been rather tepid.

This is not a case of: Kara has found happiness with somebody new, you should be happy for her, because that flat out hasn’t happened. She just hasn’t gone to the same level of relationship and romantic interest with anybody else (wake me up when Kara kisses a person, has sex with them, moves in with them).

Not all Karamel fans feel that way, but I consider myself one of the fans who is open to the concept in theory, because I do love Kara. But it just hasn’t happened. There just is not relationship that makes me consider “okay, you should really respect that Kara happens to romantically love this person now more than she did Mon-El”.

(as for Mon-El, yes he found somebody but to me season 3 made it clear that he was not happy with her and he ended things with her, they could have used Winn’s visit to tell us that Mon-El changed his mind on that or found somebody new altogether, but again, this is not what happened. As it stand the last what we knew of Mon-El was still that he was deeply unhappy to go back to the future and only did it out of duty)

3.) Kara wants romantic love. I get the concept of Kara not needing a romantic relationship to live and the sister relationship between Kara and Alex being the most important one. The thing about Kara is... she has always wanted love. In Supergirl’s pilot episode, we see her proactively looking for love by going on a blind date.

In one of her timelinewise earliest moments where she could feasibly have urges she voices her desire to express herself romantically:

(gif by @ i-am-aci01 )

She explicitly expresses this in season 1:

(gif by @ i-am-aci01 )

Kara found love with Mon-El and lost it. And then she didn’t have any meaningful romantic progress for two years. She didn’t whine about it. She didn’t neglect her duties to search love. She was just basically still the same kick ass hero who helps others and supports her friends.

So maybe one could argue, okay, maybe the drama with Mon-El turned Kara into a person who has no interest in romantic love anymore. Except ... to me (other than how that being a really sad story) again that didn’t happen. When William unexpectantly asks her out, she has a big smile and she does want to go on a date with him. And when I look at the scene where she expresses her frustration on how she can’t progress things with William

(gif by @ i-am-aci01 )

I don’t look at that scene and think that this is a woman who needs to learn she doesn’t need romantic relationships. I look at this scene and see a woman who wants love and it’s really unfair that she sholdn’t get to have one, that circumstances shouldn’t allow it for her.

Especially: if Alex is allowed to have romantic relationships on the side without it threatening the Sisters Uber Alles status, why can’t Kara? Why would Kara’s romantic relationship be a threat to a sister ending when Alex’ relationship isn’t?

To me it’s just really clear from Kara’s history on the show and the opinions she has expressed that Kara wants romantic love and to me it feels sad and unjust that she shouldn’t get to have one, especially with how long it has been since she had a relationship, especially when fellow heroes Nia and Brainy can have one and her sister can also have one.

The arc of Kara’s romantic relationships has never been that she’s too thirsty and needs to learn to keep in her pants, not has it been that she doesn’t want it. It has overwhelmingly been that she wants it but things got in the way, things like duty, getting murdered by your high school teacher or alien invasions and time traveling inducing wormholes.

Even if the message were that maybe Kara doesn’t like relationships enough, I still feel like the logical way to sensibly close up this arc would still be for Kara to get to experience a relationship without things getting in the way, so she can properly decide that maybe that isn’t what she wants. (I for one would argue: Kara has already kind of experienced that with James and it most certainly did not cure her from wanting a romantic relationship since she started a relationship with Mon-El soon after)

4.) Kara and Mon-El’s season 3 ending sucked and provided no closure. I know there are people who did not like the relationship and hence probably didn’t pay much attention to Mon-El’s exit episode. But as a Karamel fan, of course the details matter to me. And the details sucked. And they didn’t just suck because “damn, I didn’t get my preferred couple together romantically”, but also because the details were intensely frustrating, From Kara’s point of view it is frustrating that she never got to hear the whole story (and all the bits I mentioned in my previous points in regards to Kara and her romantic arc in general). And from Mon-El’s point of view because Mon-El was very clearly unhappy when he left.

In the end, there are generally two reasons why people “move on”, either because they have gotten closure (something that wasn’t the case with Kara and Mon-El) or because something better came along (whether within the show or in a different show or fandom, and for many people that just isn’t the case, either because good ships are rare or because people still care about Kara and nothing better has come along for Kara)

If the writers didn’t want to continue Karamel as a romantic storyline, there is ways they could have gone about it. Very easily. Instead they left the characters on these deeply unsatisfying note. There is a lot of options they could have gone for which I would still have disliked as a fan of the Kara&Mon-El romantic relationship, but I would have grudgingly accepted.

They could have put Kara into a new relationship very quickly and have her drop lines that downplay her relationship with Mon-El and have Mon-El be happy for her. (basically what they did with James)

They could have had him return the necklace to symbolically put an end to Karamel’s romantic relationship, for Kara to give it to Alex or her next love interest. Or Mon-El could have given it to Alura, who was right there, since it was her necklace originally. Instead, after a season that put intentional emphasis on the necklace, Mon-El leaves still having it.

They could have had Mon-El and Imra reunite melodramatically in the finale and have him declare his feelings for Kara were just an illusion, Imra is who is supposed to be with. It could even have worked as a nice parallel to Kara saying she nearly lost herself when she tried to pursue violence against Reign. Except that just isn’t what happened, this isn’t what they wrote for Mon-El. What they did write is Mon-El smiling at the thought of spending more time with Kara (even giving Brainy a line that draws emphasis to the fact that Mon-El is smiling) and being saddened when Brainy tells him he can’t, he has to go back.

So, let’s say, maybe end of season 3 was too quick for the writers to come up with something good. Well in that case they had another opportunity to put a final lid on the relationship when Winn came back for a guest episode. They could have had Winn return the necklace and tell Kara that Mon-El died. Kara would have been a bit sad and as a viewer I would have gotten the message, okay, he is not coming back, any appearance is at most going to be an AU.

They could have used Winn to tell us Mon-El returned back to Imra and they have seven children now. Again as a viewer I would have gotten the message, okay, so the writers tell me Mon-El and Imra are supposed to be together in every universe, Mon-El can’t be a good character if he leaves seven kids behind.

Instead they did nothing. They left Karamel in complete undefined limbo (with nothing coming in to replace it or otherwise directly contradict it) with the last note they ended on being Mon-El going back to the future because Brainy tells him that he HAS to, not because this is what Mon-El would have chosen, because Mon-El needs to be a big damn hero, not because that is what makes Mon-El happy.

5.) This is the last season, if there is a time to hope for a happy ending, people do understand that it is now, right? Especially since the show has shown in the 100th episode that they are willing to bring Mon-El back for special occasions. So there is a precedent. They brought him back once for a very special episode, so why would it be unreasonable for me to hope that they would do it again, even if it were only for an Easter Egg?

Especially since I really enjoyed his guest appearance and how they wrote him. Even if they didn’t want to return to romantic Karamel, I would still want him to return and see them again, kicking butt together, giving each other advice. That would still make me happy and I would be rooting for that regardless of what Kara’s romantic choices are, because I like their characters and I think they have great chemistry together and I want to see them do scenes together.

So no, I am not getting my hopes up for anything beyond an episode 100 style guest appearnce. But I don’t feel guilty for hoping this or for saying if they were wiling to give more, I’d be very happy. Because Kara is still there, still wants love and nobody has taken Mon-El’s place. Because their relationship was left on a tragic note. And because the last time they brought him back, it felt like it was on good terms, I really enjoyed it and it was respectful towards Karamel’s history, even if it wasn’t overtly in your face romantic (but open enough so fans could see something if they wanted to [because of the angry face Kara makes when Myxy talks badly of Mon-El, because of the face she makes when he gets killed, because of the face she makes when he walks past and her eyes follow him].

If all that happaned was Mon-El having a short cameo rather than a proper getting together arc, yeah, I would be kind of sad. But I just recently wrote a lengthy post about the many things Karamel did get already (because Karamel did get the kisses and the lseeping together and the living together and the declaring their love to each other and the true love’s kiss), and even though O do strongly think that there is still a story there, I could live with it being just a cameo. To me it would still be a nice note to leave the characters on considering their history as we have seen it so far.

Of course people who just never saw the chemistry or the potential are free to hope for something else, but since I’m a shipper, I did see the chemistry and the potential, so yeah, why would I stop now?

#supergirl #karamel #kara danvers #Mon-El #kara zor-el #shipping

60 notes · View notes

personasintro · 5 years ago

Text

[6] Your Wedding Planning

⏤𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: The wedding planning isn't going smoothly as you thought it'd be and the issue is no one else than Yoongi's mother herself.

⏤𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎: fluff, angst

⏤𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: strong language

A/N: This is a part of series called ‘Away From You’. This drabbles will contain scenes that didn’t make it to actual series. You don’t have to read the series to actually understand this, but some of the drabbles will be involved around the plot.

Series link

drabbles index

“...so I was thinking more of like, balloons with your both initials. It'd be arched so guests could take nice pictures. I can send you some pictures of what I've in mind. It's hard to picture it when--”

“I'm sorry to interrupt you, Ms. Kim,”

As much as you don't feel comfortable to interrupt her, her mouth kept going for good twenty minutes trying to explain you all the plans she made and had in mind. Ms. Kim, or Nari, as she told you to call her but you don't because she's just your wedding planner who eyes your fiance anytime she sees him, you'd like to keep things professional with her.

For some reason, Yoongi thought it'd be great to find one of the best and prestigious wedding planners, that has planned a wedding for his cousin. You trust him in everything, but you're not so sure about this anymore. There's no doubts she's doing just her job despite of you telling her your exact vision for your upcoming wedding, but it's slowly becoming more irritating that you can bear.

Yoongi gave you the right hand to decide about anything that involves your wedding. It's a shame he isn't as much as involved as you'd like him to be, since it's not just your wedding, but you're aware how busy he is and honestly, Yoongi doesn't know shit about weddings.

However, you always make sure to keep him updated about every decision you make.

“But I really wish this wedding would be minimalist.” you remind her, like in every session the two of you have.

She opens her mouth, most likely telling you that she understands just for her to bring another new ideas in the next session, but she's cut off when the door opens.

Your fiance's head pops out of the door frame, his eyes searching the room until they meet yours and gentle smile tugs on his lips.

“Hey, I'm just stopping by to tell you I need to sort some things with my dad,” he calls out, stepping into the room. “How is it going?”

“Hello, Mr. Min.” Nari greets him, ignoring the way your mouth opens to answer your fiance. The irk of irritation sparks inside of you, but no one in the room notices your sour expression as Yoongi greets her back with a nod and smile.

“It's going alright.” you murmur, catching his attention as he brings you closer to him for a kiss.

Your cheeks burn, feeling Nari's eyes on you, but Yoongi doesn't seem to mind about another presence in the room, when he pecks you couple of times before he pulls away with satisfied grin. It's not like he made love to you the whole morning, making sure you feel every inch of him along with his kisses and touches.

“Nari has sent me some of her ideas and they sound interesting. Has she told them to you?” he asks, his eyes solely on you while all you can see is Nari's proud smirk from the corner of your eyes.

The fact that he calls her by her first name isn't as annoying as the fact, she actually reached out to him about the wedding he specifically wanted you to plan. It's becoming too much, especially with each phone Yoongi's mother makes to talk to you about her own ideas. She basically shows her disinterest in every idea you talk to her about. It's funny that she even calls you, since she isn't very fond of you marrying her son but well, there's nothing she can do about it. You're going to marry him whether she wants it or not, but she could let you plan your wedding without criticizing your every single idea.

At this point, you don't know which woman is being more irritating about this whole thing. Whenever you bring that up in front of Yoongi, as polite as you can of course, he always takes his mother side.

'She's just excited, kitten.' he'd tell you again and again, until you'd just drop the whole subject and pretend like nothing's wrong.

“She mentioned something.” you mutter, leaning against the wooden desk while crossing your arms over your chest.

He gently grabs your forearms, caressing them with his thumb before he gives you a small peck. “Well, she's amazing in what she's doing. I've to go right now, see you later?” he asks, which you only nod to before he says goodbye to you and Nari one more time as he walks out of your shared apartment to meet his dad.

Two hours later of constant planning and talking about the wedding and you can't wait for it to be over. It's not like you don't feel excited to be planning it, it's just too much. You've discussed every single detail from guest list to the type of glasses and your head is ready to burst. Luckily, Nari stopped bugging you with her own ideas and only tried to suggest something when you asked her. For a few moments, you thought you're just being bitch for acting that way towards her because she clearly listened to you this time. Your moods is changing every ten minutes, probably the reason behind that is your period. However, it wasn't like you were rude when you reminded her for the hundredth time that you want the wedding to look simple and minimalist. You don't need a huge wedding full of guests you don't even know, which brings you to a current problem.

“I don't know any of these names. Has Yoongi added them there?” you ask her, reading all the unfamiliar names that are placed on paper.

The total amount of guests is two-hundred – way more than you were planning and you really doubt Yoongi wanted to invite so many people. He said it himself he wants the wedding to be small and casual, practically agreeing with you. You doubt he suddenly changed his mind. None of these names seems to be his or your family's, which makes you wonder if he has decided to invite people from the company, but he'd surely mention it to you if that was the case.

“Oh, no. Mrs. Min did, ma'am.”

Your brows automatically furrow, clutching the piece of paper more tightly with irritation crawling up your spine.

“She did?” you ask softly, but it comes through your gritted teeth.

You just discussed arrangements about flowers just a few minutes ago, just for you to found out that your previous decision to have white and peach colored roses where changed to hydrangea because it looks more elegant, according to one and only Mrs. Min.

As much as you respect her, since she's the mother of your fiance and future mother-in-law, she's really getting on your nerves. You're totally aware of her hatred towards you, but she's not going to ruin your wedding. If that's what Yoongi wants, the flowers and a huge guest list, you're willing to discuss it with him. But you're not going to have your wedding planned completely differently than what you've always dreamed of.

It just brings another set of thoughts of how it's going to look once you'll be married. Is she going to talk into your marriage? What about once you'll have kids? It's far away but it's something you need to consider. When you said 'yes' you never thought about how Mrs. Min could manipulate and influence everything.

“You know what? Let's wrap it up for today.” you sigh, ignoring the cautious look she gives you while she starts packing her things.

You close your eyes for a moment, headache approaching as you think about all the stuff that's still waiting for you, plus an upcoming conversation with your soon to be husband. When Nari is about to leave, you call her name causing her to stop and look at you with curious eyes.

“I'd love to be informed as soon as some changes are happening. Okay?” you ask her, raising a brow at her.

She's practically innocent in this, you know how Mrs. Min can be manipulative and the poor young woman is just doing her job. She's probably the same age as you, but Yoongi's mother can be intimidating.

“Of course, ma'am. I'm sorry for not informing you sooner.” she tells you but relaxes once she sees a soft smile playing on your lips.

“It's okay. Drive safely.” you tell her as you walk her up to the door, bidding goodbye for the last time.

You know Yoongi is home, you've heard him coming home and taking a shower like an hour ago and once you were done with meeting, you properly greeted him with a kiss saying you need to take a shower.

You spend good twenty minutes just standing there, contemplating whether to talk to him about the current issue or leave it. You know he really respects his mother and they've their own special relationship going on. It's important for him that the two of you have a good relationship and surely you, confronting him about his own mother won't help that. But you can't live like she wants you to. You're your own person and she won't be deciding about your future, just because her son is in it. So with that thought, you dress yourself into one of the most comfortable cotton pajamas you own, which Yoongi bought you and step into the bedroom.

He lays on the bed, his back resting against the headboard while he scrolls down through his phone with slightly furrowed brows. It's one of his focused looks he always wears and it's really cute.

“Hey, can I talk to you?” you ask precariously, putting the hand cream down onto your nightstand.

Yoongi locks his phone, tossing it on the mattress with softened gaze. “You? Anytime.” he grins causing you to chuckle at his playfulness.

“Is something wrong?” he asks, his eyes glancing at you with sudden worry as you shake your head, but it still comes out as an act of precariousness.

“Did you know your mother put some names on the guest lists?” you ask him, his furrowed brows hidden by his dark locks as he shakes his head.

“No, they must be her friends or something.” he shrugs and you stay dumbfounded, sitting at the edge of bed while looking at your fiance like he has just grew two heads.

“Her friends? On our wedding?” you slowly ask, making sure he understands your reaction and by the judge of his knowing look you know that he gets it.

“It's probably just couple of friends.”

“Yoongi, she added almost hundred new names on the list. It's not just couple of friends.”

As much as Yoongi's mother can be popular, you really doubt all of the people on the list are her true friends. You've never seen that woman to be friendly to anyone. How can she have so many friends? True friends, of course.

“I thought we wanted this wedding to be small. Why her friends have to be there? I don't know them and I really doubt you know all of them.” you tell him, your mouth moving itself as you let your thoughts and irritation finally out.

He sighs, rubbing his tired eyes before he looks at you.

“She has been planning my wedding since I can remember. It's probably special for her as much as it is for us.”

At that, you actually let a laugh of disbelief, not caring the way his eyes twist in hurt at your sudden reaction. You've always knew he wants you to get along with his mother, but he seems to fail to understand that you're not the problem.

“Good, but it's not her wedding. It's ours.” you remind him and again, he sighs.

He stays quiet, not giving you any proper excuse or explanation and you're somehow annoyed and hurt that he seems to be taking his mother's side again.

“She changed my decision about flowers as well.” you speak up after a minute of silence, watching how his eyes widen in surprise.

“She did?”

You only nod, just for you to be met with silence once again. It seems like he's debating about what to say but in the end, he just puts his lips into straight line.

But this is way more serious than he truly understands and it always seems like you're the one who's exaggerating, but you're not.

“You told me that I can plan it on my own, that you won't mind whatever decision I'll make. Yet, I'm still here, asking about your opinion everyday because your opinion matters to me. It's not just my wedding, it's ours. But I can't have your mother ruining and changing my every decision, just because it's not what she was planning. And I'm so tired of it, because it seems like my every decision is just being ignored by your mother and I've no authority in this.” you tell him while he watches you with cautious eyes, letting your words sink in.

“What are you saying?” he asks slowly, his freshly washed hair falling onto his eyes but he doesn't move to move them away.

You can smell his favorite aftershave mixed with the fabric softener you use and if it weren't for the current situation, you'd kiss him and enjoy his delightful scent. But that's not the case right now and you're just tired of being treated that way from his mother. It always brings you back thinking about your future.

“I don't think I can do this.” you tell him softly, biting into your lower lip to prevent yourself from showing any more hurt.

But now it's real. You've said it out loud – in front of him.

Yoongi is a smart man, he has caught what you're trying to say but he seems to be collected as he watches your every move with his sharp eyes.

“I don't think I can plan or have a wedding at this point. Not under this circumstances. I'm sorry.” you tell him, feeling your heart crack as you watch him slowly lick his lips.

He knows what you're trying to say, but he's frozen. You're not sure if he truly gets what you've just said since he seems to be in some kind of trance, so with the last fiber in your body you open your mouth, ready to say those dreadful words.

“The wedding's off.”

It's not the way your voice breaks, but just the words itself what causes Yoongi's eyes widen and he reacts immediately. He sits up so fast, making you think you've never seen him move so fast like right now. He clutches your hand in his as he crawls closer to you.

“Baby, no. Are you sure? Is that what you want?” he asks you, desperation filled in his voice while you see fear in his eyes. He checks your face, primarily your eyes that seems to be sad and slowly filling with tears.

“No,” you pout, your lower lips shivering as he gently cups your cheek. “But I can't do this.”

Maybe you're overacting because you really want to marry him. You've never been so happy like when Yoongi asked you to marry him. The memory itself causes you to feel excited and happy, butterflies flying inside of you, but the thoughts about his mother are stronger. She seems to be controlling everything in Yoongi's life and you were always that one thing out of her control. But now with her controlling your decisions and wedding which is supposed to be yours makes you think, that she's starting to control your life with Yoongi.

You're on your period, emotional for couple of days and annoyed with every single thing just like yesterday. You got angry at Yoongi for not putting down a toilet seat, which usually you don't mind. He even joked about your mood swings, making sure he kissed every inch of your skin to make you feel happy again. Or he tickled you until you started to laugh which didn't take that long.

Obviously, when you say wedding's off you don't mean an actual break-up. You love him and you always will. But maybe you just need to back-off from all the wedding planning and maybe get married later.

“I'm sorry. I know that she's your mother and you love her, but I just...” you trail off, looking down for a moment before Yoongi tilts your head so you can face him.

“And I love you as well.” he reminds you, kissing the tip of your nose before he keeps caressing both, your hand and cheek at the same time.

You sniffle causing his heart to drop, so he lightly kisses you onto your dry lips which you quickly lick once he pulls away.

“I'll talk to her, okay?” he promises, surprising you. This is the first time you hear him saying that. He chuckles at your doe eyes and grabs your both hands this time. He brings your hand where your engagement ring is decorating it to his lips, kissing the expensive diamond. “I won't let you get away from me. I want you to be my wife, I want you to be Mrs. Min.” he says, kissing the band that's wrapped around your finger for the last time before you smile, kissing him on his lips.

A huge rock falls down from your heart, swapped with happiness once again because you know that Min Yoongi is not ready to back away – especially when the two of you want to get married and nothing won't stand in your way. Not even his own mother.

“Hey dad, is mom here?”

If it weren't for the reason behind Yoongi's sudden visit, he'd probably laugh at the man in older age being lazily sprawled on the couch with a bag of chips sitting on his stomach. It's been awhile since he has seen him being so relaxed and not wearing a suit.

“Yeah, she's in the kitchen.” he answers, not surprised by Yoongi's presence when he saw him just yesterday.

He often makes sure to visit them more often, especially since he moved out and started to share an apartment with you.

“Thanks.” he says, snorting when his father just waves him off and stuffs his mouth full of snacks.

If his employees would see him right now, they wouldn't believe it's the same person who's in charge of one of the biggest companies in Seoul.

He makes his way towards the kitchen, knowing his way around more than enough despite of the size of their house. He grew up in this house, he could be blindfolded and still know his way around.

The walls are decorated with a bunch of photos of his parents and him, capturing every stage in their lives. From his parents being young, to wedding photos and Yoongi being born until now. It's nice to see those pictures every time he passes by. Despite of the house being modern and renovated more times that he can count, it still feels like a home thanks to those pictures. It's making him wonder if your home will be filled with wedding photos and your kids, the thought is making him feel some kind of different excitement. He wonders how many kids you're going to have and if they're going to share your beauty and habits. He can't wait for that stage in your lives, even though it's far in the future.

Surely your current apartment is decorated with some pictures of the two of you, along with Hoseok. But he wants to capture all moments in your lives and he can't wait until your walls are going to be filled with it.

“Hey, Yoongi. I didn't know you were coming.” his mother says, noticing her son first as she cuts an onion.

He makes his way to the kitchen, smiling at his mother as she slowly hums while preparing the lunch. “You can stay over lunch. I'm sure there will be enough food.”

The sight of his mother being in her casual pants and apron wrapped around her slim body makes him smile. He wishes you could see his mother this way. Surely, he's aware that she can be a little bit ruff on the edges, but not many people sees her this way. She's just being a mom right now.

“Actually, Y/N is cooking right now. I just needed to talk to you.” he carefully says, watching her eyebrows lift in surprise as she puts away the knife. Her lips sets into a frown but she doesn't remark anything, leaving that to herself.

“About what?” she asks curiously instead, wiping her hands in the kitchen cloth.

“It's about the wedding.”

He hates doing this, he hates that discomfort that he feels right now and he despises it even more when she opens her mouth.

“Ah! I'm glad you brought it up. I was browsing through different kinds of wedding flowers and I came across hydrangea. It's so beautiful. I made some calls and I arranged them for you.” she says enthusiastically, eyes filled with excitement along with her voice as she reaches for her phone that's placed on the kitchen island, to show him the pictures.

“Mom,” Yoongi sighs, shifting on his spot when she notices his weird behavior. She doesn't pick up her phone, her arm slowly falling down her side. “Y/N told me she wanted roses.”

Fuck, why is this so hard? He almost cringes because he has no fucking idea how to start and properly explain to her the main issue.

“I know, but roses are cliche and predictable. Trust me, I had roses on my wedding and I wish I would've done it differently.” she chuckles, remembering her wedding day.

“But that's what Y/N and I decided to have.” he slowly says watching the way his mother frown at that.

“She has no idea how to plan weddings. I won't let her ruin your wedding.” she almost snarls at her son, annoyance laced with her tone at the thought of you. Of course you're behind this.

“Our wedding, mom. It's not just my wedding.” he corrects her while she rolls her eyes at that.

“Honey, trust me on this. I want this wedding to be perfect for you.” she tells him, completely changing her attitude as she pleadingly looks at her one and only son.

“I know and I really appreciate this. But me and Y/N talk about wedding almost every day and every decision that's made is approved by the two of us.” he assures her, knowing she probably thinks it's all yours doing. He wants her to know that he's involved in it as much as he can. And you're more than sweet for making sure that he approves and is happy with everything.

“You added some guests on the list as well. What's that about?” he cocks his head at side, hating how she looks at him right now. She's surprised by his sudden questions. She never thought she's going to be questioned all of a sudden about this.

“Yeah, some of my friends.”

“Mom, you can't just add so many people to our wedding. We don't know all these people. We want it to be intimate and small. I don't need a huge wedding like you and dad had. We just want the most important people in our lives to be there.” he tells her kindly but is met with another frown.

“Do you really mind that or just Y/N?”

He hates how your name falls from her lips with so much distaste, but he only sighs in exhaustion. “Mom, I don't want any strangers to be there. I get it that they're your friends but they're not mine. If you want, invite one friend and plus one but that's all.”

She's frozen, standing behind the kitchen island with opened mouth as she processes his words. This is not what she planned and she knows this is not Yoongi's doing. It's all you behind all of this.

“Fine.” she mutters causing her son to let out a relaxed sigh.

He's aware that none of those people are really her friends. She just wants to show off her son, he knew it from the second you mentioned something about the guest list.

“Mom,” he says softly, looking at the woman that's seems to be in not such a great mood anymore. “I need you to let us plan this wedding. Alone. I appreciate everything you're doing but you're doing no good.”

“I was trying to help her, Yoongi. I've experiences and vision. Your wedding is going to be awful with her planning it.” she barks, not necessarily mad at him but at you. But still, she tries to compose her voice.

“It's not going to be awful because I'm going to marry the woman I love,” he tells her, no longer being able to hide a scowl. “So I appreciate everything you're doing but we got it.”

She scoffs, shaking her head. “She's going to ruin everything,” she comments under her breath but not silently enough for Yoongi not to hear. “What's that supposed to mean?” she asks, ignoring her previous remark as she looks up at her son.

“It means that I need you to back off.” he tells her and she gasps in shock.

He hates seeing her that way, but there's no other option. He's not going to let her ruin his non-existent marriage.

“I'm sorry, mom. I'll see you soon, okay?” he tells her and slowly backs away, heart shuttering when she doesn't say anything and just stands in the kitchen with saddened gaze.

When he walks back into the living room, ready to bid goodbye to his father before making his way home to you, he's stopped by his father's voice.

“She can be a little too much sometimes, son. Don't be upset with yourself,” he tells him, sitting up and dusting down the crabs on his shirt.

It's obvious he heard their conversation but there's nothing just understatement on his face. “She only means good.”

“I know.” Yoongi sighs, exhaustively rubbing his eyes.

“Tell Y/N I say hi, okay? I hope she'll come visit us soon.” he tells his son, a soft smile playing on his lips which Yoongi can only nod to.

“I will, bye dad.” he says, walking out of the house with mixed feelings.

He feels awful for talking to his mother that way but on the other hand, he couldn't be happier to go home and make love to his soon to be wife.

#bts smut #bts angst #bts fluff #yoongi x reader #yoongi drabbles #yoongi smut #min yoongi au #bts au #bts scenario

319 notes · View notes

jgukmilk · 5 years ago

Text

he won’t know (m) 02

➔ summary: after an unforgivable weekend at Jimin’s summer house, you come home and decide to set things right, you wish you hadn’t.

➔ pairing: Jungkook X Reader

➔ genre: cheating!au, smut (not this chapter tho), lots of angst.

➔ warnings: sexual harassment (please refrain from reading if this is a trigger), lots of angsty scenes, reader cries so much:(( protect her, mature language, degrading, a lot of inner-conflict my gOD, jungoo is a soft idiot.

➔ wordcount: 9k

➔ notes: If you haven’t read the first part, then please make sure to do so otherwise the story won’t make sense!

part 1 part 2, part 3 (final)

Sunday, 07:36 AM

You swear you had never bolted out of a bed as fast as you did the morning after, which wasn’t like you since you always enjoyed staying in under the sheets a few hours more than necessary, especially because this was the perfect opportunity to get a little extra shut-eye.

But when you fluttered your eyes open the next morning, only to find yourself wrapping your naked body around another’s – you couldn’t even begin to explain the adrenaline rush that had coursed through your body.

It felt as if Satan had visited the room with a flick of fire from hell on his finger, and scratched it along the naked spine of your back.

Faster than a prey being chased by a predator, you grabbed your shirt that had been thrown to a far corner of the room the previous night. Along with your panties, you threw on all clothing items swiftly yet quietly in attempt to not wake the boy sleeping soundly on the master bedroom’s bed.

You stopped wrestling through your shirt when you caught a glimpse of his ruffled hair peaking throw the duvet. You walked to the side of the bed, seeing him sleeping peacefully. Subconsciously a warm smile threatened to twitch on the sides of your lips.

His eyes were gently closed, letting his dark lashes lay perfectly just above his cheekbone. His lips were cutely pouting, slightly chapped but you found it adorable. His shoulders were rising and falling slowly indicating he was taking small gentle breaths. He looked so peaceful, so warm.

In an ideal world – you would’ve crawled into bed with him and wrapped your cold form around his, in attempt to warm yourself up while nuzzling your nose into his neck. But this wasn’t an ideal world. This was your reality, and things were different whether you liked it or not.

You made your way to the door; slowly opening it you scanned the halls making sure they were empty. The lord was on your side today, having marked the hallway completely clean from any trace of your friends. You sighed lowly in relief as you quickly tiptoed back to Jimin’s room you had supposedly shared with Mina.

Mina…

“Fuck,” you had completely forgotten about the possibility of your best friend noticing the lack of your presence throughout the night. You stood just outside the door with your nose a few breathes away from the finely carved wood while looking up at the ceiling, silently praying that you would open the door, only to find your best friend asleep on the bed.

Your sweaty palm turned the knob gently as you made an attempt to peak your head through the opening of the door you had just created.

You saw an outline on top of the sheets of what looked like a spread out body, you couldn’t see her face but you saw locks of hair hanging down the edge of the bed. Once again you sighed before stepping into the room completely as you gently shut the door behind you.

“Where the hell have you been?”

Your feet sprung from the ground as if hot lava was under them, “Christ, Mina!” You whisper-yelled placing your hand over you chest to see if your heart was still where it was supposed to be. You took a moment to collect yourself before looking up at the girl who had now sat up on the bed, back leaning against the headboard of the bed with her arms crossed, awaiting an explanation from none other than you.

“You just made my heart drop to my ass, you know that?” you huffed while rubbing your chest, trying to ease your increased heartbeat.

“Then you know how I felt when I woke up this morning to see you weren’t there, where in the world were you, woman?” she tapped her index finger that was placed over her right bicep.

“I was—uhh…”

Getting dicked down by Jungkook the entire night.

“Out for a walk! Yeah!” you exclaimed happily, you coughed awkwardly when you noticed her eyes squint in suspicion. Only by then had you realized how made-up your tone made the statement sound.

“I-I mean—I was out for a walk, you know, fresh air and… stuff,” you casually leaned against the door behind you, blowing the lock of hair in front of your hair to give you that chill, laidback image, while you calmly held eye contact with the unconvinced friend in front of you.

Her eyes left yours, scanning you from top to bottom. You saw her eyebrow raise in confusion, you mirrored her action unaware of her state of puzzlement.

“Dressed like that?” your cool left you face, you stood up straight on both feet, tilting your head down to scan your clothes, when you realized. You were barely wearing any.

“What’s wrong with what I put on?” you pouted a fake pout, acting completely oblivious about the fact that you were basically half naked as you spoke.

“‘What I put on,’” she mimicked you, “Y/N, the catch here is that you barely have anything on!” she wasn’t wrong, you stood in front of her solely wearing an oversized t-shirt along with a pair of very petite panties that covered just enough to maintain your dignity.

You sighed in defeat not knowing how to properly tell her the truth, “I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, but at least don’t lie to me,” she uncrossed her arms in sync with her facial expressions beginning to soften.

“Yeah, you’re right. I know you are,” you started, “I just don’t know how to tell you without sounding like a complete jerk.”

Did you regret it? You didn’t know, but you knew you felt guilty. Not because you cheated – well that too – but because you actually had to dig deep to find any form of moral regret. You felt bad because you hardly felt guilty.

Or maybe you just hadn’t wrapped your head about what had happened yet, you hadn’t even been awake for a full hour, and you knew for a fact you needed more than that to give it some proper thought and wrap your head around it.

“I want to talk to you about it, I just need to process some stuff before I let you in on this whole mess,” you cracked your knuckles as you spoke, a habit that had grown on you every time you grew nervous or even slightly uncomfortable. “I just… I want to understand the situation,” you wanted to understand your feelings.

You looked up only to see Mina’s face soften with slight concern, “is it that bad?” she tilted her head, “n-no—well, yes… I don’t—I don’t know?” you shrugged defeated. “It’s – it’s just very fresh and I-“

She held out a hand in front of her, “you don’t need to explain yourself to me, at least not yet,” the edges of her lips curved up softly, forming a smile, “come to me when you’re ready to talk about it, take all the time you need.” Mina’s kind words only made you sigh in relief. You truly could not express how grateful you were to have gained such an understanding and patient friend like Mina.

You nodded, running your hand through your hair only to grimace at the oily feeling of your locks, “I’m gonna go take a shower.”

“Yeah please do, you stink.” She pinched her nostrils shut with her thumb and index finger, “I can smell you all the way from here,” she waved the air in front of her, playfully. You too a quick whiff at your armpits, “it’s not that bad…” you pouted.

–

Wrapping the towel around your frame, you exited the shower while rubbing another towel in your hair trying your best to dry it. You scanned the room quickly seeing that you were alone. Strolling over to the mirror to get a better look at yourself, you flipped your hair to your other shoulder wanting to dry your hair from a new angle.

“WHAT THE FUC-“ you slapped your hand over your mouth only to remove it again seconds later, you rubbed your eyes, internally praying that your eyes were playing some kind of sick joke on you.

You traced your fingers over the reddish-purple like bruises that had been painted generously across your neck, “no, no, no, no!” you tried rubbing it away as if it was some prank someone had pulled on you and that there was no other explanation to the hickeys smeared all over your neck. Though it only resulted in you hissing from the pressure you had applied to the sore skin.

You ran to your bag, rummaging for your makeup bag to desperately pull out the concealer to cover up the marks. When spotting the tube, you raised it up in the air as if you had made a marvellous discovery. Jerking the applier in and out of the tube you heard a sudden knock on the door. You looked at the door in horror.

“Just a second!”

You turned your gaze back to the mirror hurriedly applying the liquid over your necking, blending it in to look as natural as possible. “What kind of blood-sucking leech–” you whispered aggressively to yourself when you saw the kiss marks still very noticeable. You could have done better applying it but time was against you, so you spread your hair in front of you to cover up as much of it as you could, fluffing it out.

“Come in!” You said to whoever was behind the door. You saw the knob of the door twist and open, revealing Jimin sticking his head in with a bright smile. “Morning, Y/N,” he entered the room completely, “breakfast is ready,” you smiled forcefully, “who’s cooking?”

“Jin, as always, anybody else would burn the kitchen down,” you giggled at his comment, “perfect, ‘cause a bitch is hungry,” you pointed dramatically at yourself which only led him to smile even brighter, he extended his hand out for you to take it, and you gladly did so.

You both walked down to the kitchen to see that most of your friends were already present by the kitchen bar table.

“Good morning,” you exclaimed kindly, they all greeted you back, “what are we having,” you licked your lips, clapping your hands excitedly at the smell of the goods while hovering over Jin’s shoulder to get a peak of what he was cooking, “there’s French toast, omelet, bacon, bread and spreads of course.” He explained.

“Oh! There are also fruits like strawberry, blueberry and raspberry in the fridge if you’d like some. So a little bit of everything,” you let out a pleased hum, turning over to the bar table where the cutlery and plates were placed.

Heaven, is that you?

“Where’s the rest of the gang?” you asked hovering over the French toast to pick up a couple of pieces.

Yoongi wiped his mouth with some paper towel before looking at you, “Hoseok went with Namjoon to the grocery store to buy some milk and orange juice,” you felt your throat burning from the name you felt on the tip of your tongue, “and Jungkook?”

“He’s out for a morning jog, he’ll be back in a few, at least that’s what he said,” you nodded while seating yourself between Taehyung and Mina.

You grabbed a plate and started to grab bits of everything, assembling the food nicely on your plate, “someone’s hungry,” Taehyung snickered playfully as he watched you fill every corner of your plate. You rolled your eyes followed by a flick to his forehead, you had quite the appetite, you couldn’t help it.

“Yesterday was exhausting, I need to fuel my body,” you justified yourself and grabbed a fork and knife. “What did you do yesterday since you’re left so famished,” You gulped, cutting the toast on your plate with your knife, with little more pressure than necessary.

“S-swimming, obviously,” you felt the palms of your hands start to break a sweat. Before anyone else could comment, the doorknob to the main door jiggled loudly, followed by three figures entering the room.

“Honey, I’m home!” Hoseok had his hands cupped around his mouth, a bright smile plastered on his lips. Behind him stood two tall frames. Jungkook and Namjoon panting behind Hoseok from the weight of the grocery bags they were carrying. The youngest was panting slightly heavier than the rest, you had assumed it was from the jog.

“I sent you to buy milk and juice not the whole store!” Jin clapped his hands on the side of his hips annoyed. Namjoon smiled innocently, “If it makes you feel better, half of this stuff was on discount.”

They walked over to the kitchen counter, placing the heavy bags filled with goods on the marble surface. The youngest made his way out of the kitchen, while Namjoon and Hoseok comfortably joined the rest of the group at the table, “you not gonna eat?” Yoongi asked with his mouth stuffed with berries.

“I’m gonna take a shower, don’t wait for me,” Jungkook announced before speed-walking up the stairs. You couldn’t help but feel uneasy at how he didn’t spare you a single glance from the moment he stepped in.

–

After breakfast you were left to dry the dishes. Everyone had helped clean up and now you were simply doing your part of the chore, “sure you don’t need help?” Taehyung asked nicely for the umpteenth time

“Yes Tae, I’m sure. Thank you though,” you smiled at him sweetly and he returned the gesture before running off to wherever, leaving you alone in the kitchen with a stack of dirty dishes that needed to be cleaned.

You turned your focus back to the plates that needed to dry. Rubbing circular motions of the fine white porcelain with the sky blue towel.

“Wow… you don’t even smile at me that way,” you almost dropped the plate then and there before snapping your head toward the all too familiar voice – Jungkook entered the kitchen with a towel hanging around his neck, a white t-shirt that was stained with a few droplets of water dripping from his hair. You subconsciously gulped the thick spit that had gathered at the back of your throat, fist tightening on the plate at the sight of wet spots sticking to his solid frame.

Without a word you fixed your gaze back at the plate in your hand and continued to wipe the already dry platter, you tried to convince yourself that your palms weren’t sweating, but that they were wet from the beads of water on the plate.

You heard footsteps approach you, “why are you ignoring me, angel?” your toes curled at his calm and collected tone, “don’t call me that,” you chimed firmly. You weren’t looking at him but you saw him tilt his head to the side, he leaned against the counter, which you were sternly facing.

“You liked it yesterday,” you shivered when you felt him brush your hair out of the way, exposing your neck to him. He frowned at the layer of concealer on your skin, anything but the logical answer raced through his mind: why did you cover his marks? Did you regret everything? Were you ashamed? Were you disgusted when seeing the marks in the mirror?

“Why’d you cover them up?” his voice shifted into an unknown tone. A tone you’d heard before, but still – you couldn’t put a label on. He could switch so easily around you; one moment a confident smirk was plastered across his lips, subtly getting on your nerves, and the next he would look so fragile, so insecure, as if you could blow a breath of air his way and he would collapse.

His fingers travelled across the covered red and purple shades on your neck, rubbing off the makeup with his thumb gently, but you only pushed his hand away with a hiss from the applied pressure on the bruise, “I don’t want people to see,” you sighed as if the answer wasn’t the most obvious thing in the world – which, frankly, it was.

“Can I give you more?” You sat the plate down on the pile of porcelain, “what?” you turned around to face him completely, sure you had heard him incorrectly, “I want to mark your skin up some more… will you let me, angel?”

You felt weak to your knees, if your hand hadn’t been on the counter you would’ve fallen on your face for sure. You looked in his eyes for any sign of sike-bitch-you-thought, but you all you saw was hope – hope that you might let him touch you again.

You wanted to slap yourself in that moment. His duality was driving you to the brink of insanity. His eyes were so gentle, so big and doe, god you felt like crying, but his words contradicted his facial expression completely.

You couldn’t bring yourself to utter a word; any trace of your voice at the back of your throat was gone. You stood there, in front of the beautiful boy completely lost in his eyes that held the universe.

You wondered – when stars die, are they reborn in his eyes?

When you didn’t answer, he placed a tender kiss on the curve of your jaw, testing the waters. He knew this could go either way – you’d either slap him across the face and proceed to bolt out of the kitchen screaming, or you’d let him.

He pulled back shivering, seeking for any sort of hint that you wanted him to resume. But all he saw was your closed eyes. Your eyes were so tightly shut it looked like his lips had stung you. He pouted; did you still not feel safe with him?

Forcefully brushing the thought out of his mind, his fingers began to travel up your arms, stimulating every fine hair he’d touch to stand up on its own. Though you never saw, his eyes never left you.

He cupped your jaw with both hands, holding you as if you were the most fragile thing in the world. You flinched when you felt a pair of soft rosebud-like lips right under your eye – peck – the bridge of your nose – peck – the tip of your nose – peck.

Your closed eyes softened, slowly opening them up letting your blurry vision adjust to the exposure of light. A relaxed exhale left your lips at the meeting of his eyes.

He damn near melted at the docility in your orbs, you were looking at him so sweetly, so gently.

What he wouldn’t give to have you look at him like this all the time.

He leaned in closer to your face, eyes fixated on your parted lips. You held your breath thinking he was going to kiss you – well he did, but he kissed your chin. Leaving you to have intuitively puckered your soft lips right above his upper lips. His dramatically defined cupids bow barely brushing against your bottom lips.

You had to force yourself from sinking your lips down to his.

He pulled away with a sigh, smiling gently, but you could see it was enforced. He turned around making his way out of the kitchen.

You wanted to stop him, but you knew it’d be for the best to let him leave. Still you stood there, facing the entrance of the kitchen perplexed.

–

Monday 06:16 PM

The weekend was now over, and so was the small break at the beach house. You were now back at your dorm, sat at your desk hitting the books – quite literally – you slapped your fist on and unknown page of the book, frustrated at your lack of concentration.

A line of curses left you mouth, rubbing your hands aggressively against your face in efforts to slap the procrastination out of your system.

Once you got back from the beach house, you immediately rushed to your shared dorm room with Mina, while she had left shortly after to visit Jimin at his dorm, you dug through your pile of school books to find something – anything, that would take your mind of off this weekend.

You sat with your mathematics book, opened up to the chapter about calculus and analytic geometry. You spent the last 45 minutes or so reading over the same sentence talking about how calculus is used to improve architecture, not only buildings, but also bridges and such. Or something along those lines, Ugh!

Finally, you came to the conclusion that this was absolutely useless, so you closed the book and jumped onto your bed. Reaching over to your nightstand to grab your phone, you pressed the button on the side to light up the previously black screen with traces of unread messages.

-1h ago

Jaehyun <3: hey princess

Jaehyun <3: can you come over?

Your stomach curled in an unknown way. Guilt hitting you like a ton of bricks all at once, fuck. You rose from the bed; leaving the phone on your pillow only to look down on it as if it was the ugliest thing you’d ever laid your eyes on.

You covered your mouth with a hand as the other pointed to the phone like it was a maleficent device. You felt your eyes begin to sting with fresh tears. It hit you – It finally fucking hit you. You cheated.

You felt overwhelmed with emotions, all the sentiments written down in the book washed over you to the point where you felt like you were going to burst. Infamy covered every inch of your body – how could you do this?

You felt ashamed, embarrassed of yourself. Not because you were afraid to hurt someone’s feelings, but because this wasn’t you – this wasn’t what you believed in. Cheating was never something you believed in. If you stood by that statement then how could you have let this happen?

How could you let the devil in the form of man tempt you this way? Cajole you to throw away what you believed in for the sake of – of what? God, you didn’t even know.

You didn’t want to admit that you had been selfish enough to carelessly give yourself to Jungkook, while your heart was supposed to belong to someone else.

Someone else, who you were supposed to dedicate all your faith to, all your loyalty, and you couldn’t even do that. How were you supposed to trust yourself if you couldn’t let yourself stay true to one person.

You threw it away – this relationship – you shoved it down the drain, and for what?

Jungkook.

Jeon fucking Jungkook.

The spawn of Lucifer himself. All of your sadness and shame slowly turned into anger. You hated him, you hated Jungkook. He seduced you, and you let him.

Did he do it on purpose? Was he trying to fuck up your life, your relationship? Your faith in yourself? You convinced yourself that this was his plan, that he wanted you to feel like this all along. What other explanation could there have been?

You never exchanged more than two – three on a good day – sentences with the boy, until Saturday. You never spoke to him properly, and he never approached you, until Saturday. He never showed any form of interested in you, Christ – you thought he hated you. You were never sure, until now.

He wanted to fuck up your life, that’s why he did it. Yes, that’s why. There was no other possible explanation to this, but why did he want to ruin everything for you? Did he actually hate your guts so much? You had never done anything to him, at least not of your knowledge. As mentioned, you barely spoke to him at all.

You tried to convince yourself you wanted him to hate you, and you almost believed.

Almost.

It would make things so much easier: You could reciprocate his hate, never speak of the night you two shared together, and then proceed to never speak to one another.

You sat yourself back on your bed with your hands aggressively running through your hair. Looking down at your thighs you saw a wet stain. You wiped your eyes not realizing you had been crying.

“Shit, I forgot my – Y/N?” snapping your head up to the source of the voice you automatically put on a fake smile, forgetting about the contradicting tears streaming down your face, “h-hey.”

She shook her head entering the dorm room completely, shutting the door behind her, “no, Y/N. You don’t give me that shit,” she fell onto the bed with you, wrapping her arms around you in which you immediately accepted.

You couldn’t stop it. Your tears were flowing freely now, low sobs were heard from you whilst your best friend was rubbing her palm in circular motion on your back in attempts to comfort you.

She didn’t speak, and you were thankful for that. All you could do was quietly sob on her shoulder, dampening her pink woollen sweater with your tears, but she didn’t care.

Once you finally calmed down, Mina pulled away, her hands still rubbing up and down along your arms, “is it really that bad?” Her words only made fresh tears dwell under your eyelashes – you instantly saw the regret in her face from asking, but you shook your head trying to communicate; It’s okay.

Rubbing on your already red nose, you sniffled before taking in a deep breath.

“Who’s bed do I need to shit on?” For the first time in a while, you giggled genuinely. God, you were thankful to have her.

“You seriously don’t need to tell me what’s going on but –“ you shook your head, “n-no, no I think it would be nice to let it out to someone.” Her gaze softened.

You lifted your feet from the edge of the bed, turning to her completely and folded you legs comfortably. Mina mirrored your action.

How were you going to tell her? Fuck, she would be so disappointed in you, wouldn’t she? Sure she had always secretly paired you and Jungkook together but certainly this wasn’t what she was thinking. Deciding there was no way to sugarcoat it, you told yourself the best option was to be straightforward.

“I cheated on Jaehyun.” You exhaled, not realizing you had been holding your breath in the first place.

“With, uhm.” You exhaled, “with Jungkook,” her eyes looked like they were about to pop out of her skull, neck leaned forward. Not sure she had heard you correctly and surprised ‘what now?’ left her throat.

You couldn’t bare to say it again, so you simply hid your face behind your hands as your head sunk low. You jumped at the feeling of her arms wrapping themselves around you, squeezing you comfortably.

“And you’re beating yourself up because of it I’m guessing?” you pulled away looking at her, “how could I not?!” her eyebrows furrowed melancholically at your glossy eyes, “I cheated! I fucking cheated, I am not that kind of person!” your eyes were pouring with tears at this point.

“At least I thought I wasn’t.”

“You’re not,” you looked at her perplexed, “I’m not telling you cheating is okay, and I definitely think you should talk to Jaehyun about this,” she wiped your wet cheeks, “but your relationship with him… isn’t even a relationship anymore.”

You sniffled, “yeah I know, it’s not a proper excuse,” she explained, “but you of all people would never do this to someone you truly loved.”

You looked down at your hands that were placed comfortably on your lap, fiddling with your fingers while her words rung through your ears, “but I…I do like him.”

She smiled sadly, “and that’s the problem. You don’t love him, you only like him.” She caressed your arms, soothing running her palms up and down. “The way you said that sounded so depressing,” you looked at her, “you even hesitated.” You’re eyeballs were stinging from the hot tears.

“Y/N,” Mina chimed softly, holding your hands in hers, “does he make you happy?”

You nodded looking down at your lap, “look me in the eyes and tell me he makes you happy, and I’ll believe you.” Your blurred gaze shifted to meet hers. They were such easy words, why couldn’t you form them?

“He’s really nice,” you sniffled, “he’s just nice?” she questioned your statement, “damn, I would cheat on my boyfriend as well if nice was all I could describe him as – OW!” she rubbed the sting on the side of her arm, a result of your semi-playful smack, “I’m just messing with you.”

She cheekily smiled at you, and you couldn’t help but feel the corners of your lips twitch.

“It still isn’t an excuse… I should’ve talked to him about our relationship instead of –“ you couldn’t finish you sentence, feeling yourself choke on the words.

“Well.. maybe that’s what you should do now then,” she smiled softly. Yeah, maybe that’s what you should. He deserved to be told the truth, even though it was ugly – but what would come after that? Would he forgive you? If he did, would you even want to keep going with your, so-called, relationship?

What if he absolutely hated your guts after? He didn’t deserve it. Jaehyun wasn’t a match for you, but that still didn’t give you an excuse to go and have sex with Jungkook. You knew that very well.

“Yeah, I’ll go talk to him,” she nodded. You stood up from the bed, grabbing your leather jacket, “wait – right now?” she asked stunned. You nodded back at her while unlocking your phone to text your boyfriend.

“I might die from guilt if I don’t,” you put your phone in your pocket, “I’ll see you tonight,” and with that, you were out the door.

–

You knocked three long knocks on the fine wooden door in front of you, your palms damp with sweat as a result of your boiling nerves. It felt like years before the door opened.

“Princess,” you boyfriend smiled at you, pulling you by the forearm to engulf you with a hug. His arms were wrapped tightly around your waist while yours were hanging loosely around his shoulders, he didn’t seem to notice however. “Come in.” he smiled fondly at you, guiding you into his own dorm.

You both sat yourselves on his bed comfortably, it didn’t take long for you to start fidgeting in your seat and it took just as long for him to notice.

“What’s wrong?” he asked with concern in his voice. God, you couldn’t even bring yourself to look at him.

He placed a finger under your chin attempt to have you look at him, “w-we need to talk.” Your eyes met his. He raised an eyebrow at the significance in your voice. “Okay, talk.”

Where the fuck were you supposed to start?

I fucked a guy I hardly talk to over the weekend, what were you up to? No

I cheated on you because I don’t have feelings for you anymore. No

We should break up. No!

“Hey,” Jaehyun started when your breath became unsteady, “you can tell me anything, you know that right?” No, this you just couldn’t tell him.

“I uhm…” your eyes started stinging. Not the best timing you fuckers! You mentally cussed your tears, “I’m sorry,” a small sob ripped from your throat, “I’m so sorry, Jaehyun,” you were already a mess, tears streaming uncontrollably like they had not even an hour ago.

Jaehyun’s face twisted with concern, puzzled at why you started crying. “I’m horrible. I’m fucking horrible and you don’t deserve it.” Similar to Mina’s actions, his instinct was to wrap his arms around you, soothingly rubbing his thumb on your back.

“No you’re not, you’re perfect for me, Y/N.” you shook your head, disagreeing, “why would you say that?” his voice was gentle.

“I slept with someone else.”

You said it, you finally said it. You had expected that the feeling of a burden taken off of your chest would take over – however, that wasn’t your case at all.

If anything you felt even more terrible than you did in the first place, and the way your boyfriend’s arms loosened around you only made you cry harder.

“What?” was all he could say, looking at you. Any sign of mildness left his face, a cold stare washing over his face.

“Who?” you didn’t answer, “who did you fuck?” your cheeks had turned red at how hard you were rubbing them in attempt to dry your face.

“Y-you don’t know him,” you decided. Who it was, didn’t matter. You didn’t want any drama to escalate; you could clearly imagine a fistfight take place in front of you between Jungkook and Jaehyun. So if you could prevent it, you most certainly would.

“Bullshit,” he spat, “was it one of those fuckers from the weekend,” it was your turn to bark, “fuckers?” you were the one at fault here, there was absolutely no reason for him to label your closest friends so harshly.

“I’m the one who fucked up, don’t attack them,” you pointed at yourself, he scoffed, “you didn’t even deny it,” you stood up from the bed, tears still present under your eyelashes, “I told you! You don’t know him! Does it even fucking matter who it is?” he stood up with you.

“Yes! I have the right to know who the fuck you’re whoring around with!” your eyes widened.

Whoring around with?

“Tell me who you fucked!” at this point you were afraid the whole goddamn campus could hear what you two were fighting about. “No –..!”

In a matter of seconds you were pushed onto the bed, your boyfriend hovering right above you while placed perfectly between your legs. His fingers were tightly wrapped around your wrists, pinned above your head.

All the oxygen was punched right out of your lungs when he aggressively eyed the skin of your neck. Fuck, you hadn’t put concealer on. “You let this fucker shamelessly suck your neck, huh?” he practically crashed his mouth onto the already sore skin of your throat.

“J-Jaehyun what are you doing?” you squirmed uncomfortably beneath him. “Reminding you who the fuck owns you.” You couldn’t help but cringe at his words.

You twisted your wrists uncomfortably, “w-we should talk about this.” He scoffed, his tongue licking a long strip up you neck, sucking harshly. You wanted to scream. “Stop – stop,” you pleaded, wiggling in attempt to shove him off of you. You couldn’t.

“I don’t think just talking is gonna make you keep your hands to yourself. I need to discipline you, princess,” he uttered bitterly. The hairs at the back of your neck rose. Your face was wet, you couldn’t tell if it was from your previous sobs or if new tears had formed.

He moved his lips onto yours, forcefully moving them over yours.

You had kissed him before – many, many times, but it felt so unfamiliar to you. You didn’t like the feeling, not one bit. At this point you had stopped trying to get out of his grip, it was no use.

You felt useless, you felt numb. You didn’t move your lips, you stopped moving your feet, your hands. You didn’t even know if you were breathing anymore.

You laid there, completely still. You were sure the blood circulation at your wrists was cut off from the tight grip around them. You couldn’t feel your fingers, you wondered if they had turned pale from the lack of blood.

You felt him gather both your wrists in one hand, the grip still tight. His hand descending down from your arms down to you neck, and finally your chest. His grip on your breast had you whine out in discomfort, but he misunderstood it as another emote, “you like that, slut?” You didn’t answer. You just looked up at the ceiling with your glossy eyes, wishing you didn’t feel so weak.

His hand moved away from your breast, descending lower. You felt his cold fingers cup your sex above the fabric of your pants

And that’s when you felt it. It was as if his hand had been the electricity you needed to ignite your nerves back to life. “This cunt belongs to me.”

Your eyes shot directly to the disgusting man in front of you. “Get the fuck off me!” with all of the strength you had left in your body, you yanked both hands as hard as you could away from his, jolting your legs up and onto his chest trying to kick him off of you.

You bolted off of the bed, only to find a tight grip on your shirt yanking you back on the bed. However, it didn’t stop you from trying to escape – no – you had to get out of there.

With his fingers tangled in your shirt you pushed yourself near the door of his dorm. Reaching for the knob of the wooden material, you felt your shirt rip – you didn’t care.

You twisted the doorknob, opening the door and ran away as fast as you could.

You felt drowsy, but the adrenaline in your blood fuelled you enough to make it far enough for you to be safe, however you didn’t stop, you didn’t feel safe. So you kept running.

“Y/N?” a grip on your wrist stopped your feet in place. You looked back with fright written all over your face. Wincing in pain at the pressure applied to your already bruised wrist.

You were panting with heavy tears streaming down your face, your lipstick was smeared all over you lips, your hair was a complete mess, your shirt was ripped, revealing so much skin you felt your dignity wince. You tried holding the torn fabric in place but your bra and skin was still very visible. Bruises and marks were plastered all over your neck.

Jungkook’s eyes widened, taking in your appearance. You yanked your hand out of his grip, “d-don’t touch me…” your voice was weak

“Who did this to you?” his voice was quiet, stepping closer to you he took your hand in his, “Y/N, who the fuc-“

“I said don’t touch me!” once again you jerked your hand back, turning away before running back to your dorm.

You couldn’t stand to look at his face, you hated him with all of your heart. It was his fault. If he hadn’t touched you, your relationship with Jaehyun wouldn’t have ended, it would’ve been fine, you would’ve been fine. But you weren’t – and it was Jeon Jungkook’s fault.

Making it back to your dorm, you found Mina already sound asleep on her bed. Thank god, you sighed out of relief to yourself. In no way did you have the physical or mental capacity to explain your wrecked form to her, and on top of that would she, with no hesitation, go down to his dorm and beat the living shit out of Jaehyun if you told her what had happened.

You didn’t want any more trouble, so this was a secret you were going to take with you to the grave. You took off you leather jacket and changed your shirt into a non-damaged one. You wiped your face with a baby wipe in attempt to remove your smeared makeup.

Sinking your head into the pillow you let your quiet sobs mute themselves through the soft material.

–

Tuesday, 08:34 AM

You woke up feeling like absolute shit. Lazily you dragged yourself out of the bed to make your way over to the hall bathroom to get yourself ready for the day. Taking the essentials that you needed you dragged your feet down the hall.

Looking at the mirror, your eyes were slightly red from the countless amount of tears that had poured down your face the previous night. You wanted to cry again when you saw the marks on your wrists and neck.

No more crying, you have a day to get through, you thought to yourself while applying the concealer above the stains of dark purple and red. You applied cold water to your face in attempt to make them look somewhat normal again.

You finished your routine and made your way back to the dorm only to find Mina awake, on her bed scrolling through her phone. The sound of the door shutting caught her attention, shifting it to you, “Y/N, oh my god,” she dropped her phone beside herself on the bed, “how did it go yesterday?”

Trying not to have you voice crack you shrugged, swallowing thickly, “we broke up,” you smiled sadly. Her eyes softened.

Opening her arms to invite you into a hug, you gladly ran into her arms. Tears starting to form on your waterline once again, but miraculously you were able to stop them from spilling. “You wanna skip classes today? We could make it a fun girl’s day out!” she exclaimed excited.

You couldn’t help but chuckle a choked giggle, “n-no that’s okay, It’d be nice to get busy with studies – I need to distract myself from this mess,” you pulled away from her embrace, “we could do something after classes are done if you want?” you suggested, but she only returned an apologetic look.

“I can’t, I have plans with Jimin – I could cancel them if you’d wa-“ you shook your head rapidly, “no, no don’t do that, there’s no need.” She smiled, “I have classes in like,” you checked your phone, “twenty minutes,” you told her while making your way over to the door, “I’ll see you later?”

She nodded, smiling warmly at you “definitely,” and with that you shut the door.

You couldn’t focus. Images of the previous night kept flashing through your mind. Never had you ever imagined your now ex boyfriend would forcefully prey himself upon you. And Jungkook… his face was smeared with concern, he looked so worried – why did he care?

He didn’t give shit about you, clearly since he tried to jeopardise your relationship with Jaehyun, and frankly, had succeeded clearly.

Class ended – packing your shit you left the hall with your gaze low, you weren’t in the mood to see, nor talk to anybody. You wanted to go back to your own dorm room and bury yourself in books until your disturbing thoughts left your mind.

You felt your phone vibrating against your hip. Reaching towards your pocket you pressed the home button, lighting up the screen.

-1m ago

Jungkook: Y/N

Jungkook: are you done with your classes?

You rolled your eyes; a text from Jungkook was the absolute last thing you needed right now.

You: yeah why

You put your phone back in your pocket but he was quick to respond, having you sigh as you stopped walking to view his message.

Jungkook: can we talk?

Fuck no you couldn’t talk. You couldn’t talk now, heck – you never wanted to ever talk to him again. Your stomach couldn’t bare the thought of talking to him, much less – see him.

Not after everything that happened between the two of you. You wanted to claw your fingers at his face for turning your life into a living hell. Or was that entirely his fault?

You: no

Jungkook: please, we need to talk.

You: I said no

Your phone kept vibrating but you didn’t care. You had to put your own mental health first here, you wanted to focus on yourself and your own goddamn well-being before fixing things with everyone else, and by everyone else you meant Jungkook.

There was no way in hell you were going to talk Jaehyun again.

Finally, you made it to your dorm room safe and sound. You placed your phone on your nightstand before dropping yourself onto your comfy, welcoming bed.

It had been such a long day, and it wasn’t even over. You felt like dunking your head in the toilet and flush, thinking it would feel much better than whatever you were feeling now.

Your eyes grew heavy, feeling yourself slowly shut them as you were about to fall asleep when and loud, too loud in your opinion, knock was heard from the door.

Whining, you stood up from your bed, unwillingly dragging your feet over to the door and opening it. What a big mistake that was. “Y/N,” you didn’t respond, attempting to close the door in Jungkook’s face, but his foot stopped you from doing so.

“Move,” you said sternly, “I’m not in the mood for your bullshit,” his eyes widened at the vulgar tone in your voice. “Move your foot,” you warned, that didn’t stop him though, “No, wait please –“ he attempted to open the door you had so rudely, almost quite literally, smacked in his face.

You didn’t care; being rude to him was the last thing you cared about.

“I really need to talk to you,” he pleaded, “ten minutes, that’s all I need,” you stopped abusing his foot with the door. Sighing heavily you thought about his proposition, “five minutes.”

You opened the door to let him in, “ten,” your patience was running thin, “five, take it or leave it,” you said coldly.

Nodding gently, he entered the dorm. You sat on your bed, watching him awkwardly stand in front of your bed, “you can sit I’m not gonna stab you,” you huffed, which only made him chuckle, “you look like it,” he coughed awkwardly seeing the unamused look on your face. He quietly sat himself beside you, keeping a closer distance than you’d like.

“So…” he started, looking at you cautiously, “you’ve wasted two minutes,” you said checking your phone. Your cold eyes glanced back at his warm ones. “Uhm… Saturday huh.”

“Get out,” you pointed to your door, he furrowed his eyebrows sadly, “wha – I still have three minutes,” he let out gently, “yeah, not anymore. Get out of my dorm,” you stood up from your bed. “You can’t keep running away from this, Y/N,” he started, still seated on your bed, “we have to talk about this one way or another.”

You ran your fingers through your hair frustratingly; you really weren’t in the mood to talk to Jungkook, let alone talk to him about what the fuck had happened on Saturday. As immature as it seemed of you to run away, that’s what you needed. You needed to run away from this situation, from him.

“I don’t want to talk about Saturday, so if that’s all you came to talk about then you can be so kind and get the fuck out of my dorm, before I shove you out myself.” He tilted his head, rising from your bed, you stepped away when he took a step closer to you and he noted to keep his distance with you.

“Why are you so mad–“ you almost punched him in the face, “why am I so mad?” you repeated to yourself, “I don’t know, Jungkook. You tell me, why am I mad?” you smiled, but it wasn’t sincere, you were sure you looked like a complete psychopath to him.

“I d-don’t know, that’s why I’m asking…” he said in a small voice. You questioned why he looked so fragile in front of you, Jungkook had a well-built body, and if he needed to he could put it to use. Visibly he was much stronger than you, so why did he look scared of you.

“Because I fucked you!” you yelled, “we fucked! We had sex!” your voice grew louder by every word, you could visibly see him shudder at the sudden volume of tone.

You, however, kept going, “have you even begun to understand what the fuck that means?!” he shook his head, “that’s why I wanted to talk, I want to know what it means–“

“It means I cheated! I cheated on Jaehyun with you!” he sunk his head low, he looked like he was getting scolded by his mom.

You pinched the bridge of your nose in attempt to calm yourself down, “what were you trying to achieve. Honestly,” he was about to answer but you beat him to it, “were you trying to ruin my relationship.”

“What – no I wasn’t–“ you didn’t let him finish, “we broke up, so congratulations. Mission accomplished,” you clapped sarcastically with a bitter smile plastered across your lips. He stood there, completely mute. Silence took over the room. Was he supposed to say something?

“Do… do you want me to talk to him–“ your fists were tingling, begging you to put them to use and launch them towards his jaw.

“No!” feeling his knees giving up on him, he sat himself back on your bed, “don’t you want to get back with him?” he questioned in such a small voice you almost felt bad.

“No, I don’t,” the relief that washed over his eyes briefly only fuelled your anger, “why are you mad then?” Unbelievable.

“This is not about me cheating on Jaehyun, this is about me cheating in general!” he looked puzzled. “Why did you seduce me into it? Is this what you wanted? To see me on the brink of insanity?” he shook his head no, “then what?!”

“B-because I actually wanted you!” for the first time, he raised his voice. “that’s why.”

The protest at the back of your throat died, “you fucking liar,” you were fuming with anger, you were sure you were going to go insane. “I’m not lying, I never acted to hurt you or make you feel used. I did what I did because I want you.” You didn’t believe him, no matter how reassuring his words sounded; you didn’t believe him one bit.

“Angel–“

“Don’t call me that.”

“I still don’t understand why you’re so mad at me… didn’t you want me?” You felt like crying, you had explained yourself to him countless times, he just didn’t understand. He wanted to hurt you, and clearly it was working. You were sure of it. Warm, fresh tears started forming, slowly blurring your vision and you saw Jungkook’s eyes softened at the sight of your teary eyes.

“I don’t know how the fuck I am supposed to feel about this. I cheated on my now ex boyfriend with you, and I have no fucking idea how I should feel about it.” You let your tears fall. “Do you regret it?” you felt weak, you forced your knees to keep you standing.

“Are you shitting me – was that all you heard?” your mouth was quivering. You didn’t want to cry in front of him. You didn’t want to appear weak, but the damage was already done.

“Jaehyun can go to hell. How you feel about this is what’s most important to me,” you felt powerless under his gaze – it was your turn to feel small. “it’s a simple ‘yes’ ‘no’ question, Y/N, it shouldn’t take this long to answer.”

“what, I-“ it was his turn to cut you off, “did I fucking stutter? Do you regret it yes or no?” you stayed silent, “do you regret fucking me?”

“I don’t know!” you finally let out, your form trembling, “I don’t know…” You sighed deeply; you rubbed your temple, trying to ease the agonizing headache that was forming.

“I hate that I let myself go this far with you, but what I hate more is the fact that I don’t know if I regret it or not.” He rose from his seat, once again – attempting to reach out to you but you gave him a warning look. “Don’t,” you held out your hand in front of him indicating that he should stay in his spot exactly.

You mentally cussed yourself when you saw his gaze shift to your wrist – your bruised wrist. Completely disregarding your warning, he took your hand in his, carefully inspecting the dark blue and purple stains plastered all over your skin.

He ran his thumb over the dark discolouration gently, but even at that did you hiss – causing the dark-haired boy’s eyes in front of you to shoot up and meet yours. There it was, again, the unreadable expression on his face. Was it pity? Was it anger? Was it sadness? – You couldn’t tell. “Did he do this?”

Jungkook’s voice was quiet; his eyes sunk to your wrist. You lazily pulled your hand back to have it fall to your side, you didn’t have the energy to yell at him anymore, you didn’t have the energy to explain yourself, you didn’t even have the energy to lie to him.

“It doesn’t matter, I’m done with him,” he looked at you again, “of course it matters, he hurt you,” he started in disbelief, “how could that not matter?” his eyes widened as if he had realised something, “yesterday… in the hallway, when I saw you running.” He didn’t finish his sentence, taking in your lugubrious expression. His heart sank when he saw your face twitch in discomfort, as if you a painful image had flashed before your eyes.

Your eyebrows furrowed, lips trembling while small quiet sobs rung through his ears.

He wanted to hug you. Fuck, you looked like you were going to break in half if he didn’t wrap his arms around you then and there. But you’d push him away and he knew it, so he restrained himself. “Y/N... I-I’m sorr–”

“Leave,” you whispered, you were tired, you were exhausted. You just wanted to be alone why was that so hard for him to understand? You looked down at your feet, you felt embarrassed. You didn’t want him to know you couldn’t protect yourself; you didn’t want to tell him what had happened to have left you with so many bruises.

“Jungkook, please, I’m begging you,” your voice was shaking at this point, and at that he let your hand go.

“Leave me alone.”

You failed to notice the hurt in his eyes, he slowly stepped away from you, heading towards the door with his head hanging low – to leave you alone, just like you had requested. You failed to notice the tears that had begun to sting his big doe eyes.

You failed to notice him.

–

A/N: not gonna lie, writing this part kind got me emotional. please don’t hate me for taking forever to write this part i’m sorRY, i tend to rewrite things a lot so i take my sweet sweet time :(( hope you liked it cuties, pleaseeee let me know what you think, i would love to improve my writing so don’t hesitate to give me some feedback! I think i rewrote this part at least twice ajhndshb. okkk bye for now! mwahhhh

328 notes · View notes

mcrmadness · 4 years ago

Text

Madness draws: Behind the Scenes of the latest Farin&Bela pencil drawing.

Aka the one that’s also my icon, even when that was a big risk to take because normally I start hating the photos I have once drawn, especially if I have failed miserably. This is how the drawing itself turned out:

ATTENTION: The original post about that drawing, with better image, behind this link.

This post is solely about the process itself with lots of pictures and also plenty of gifs, because I promised to do one if people would like to see that and I got some comments saying that they’re looking forward for that. So, here’s now that post!

For starters I have to apologize for the terrible quality that is the photos. I used my phone camera only and never thought about posting them, I just took them as a reference for myself and to show the progress to a friend and only after finishing the drawing I noticed that the angle of the camera causes a huge impact on the perspective of the drawing, so I sometimes might have done useless work when I thought some perspective was wrong when it was actually the photo that was wrong and not my work! I mean, take a look at these photos of the finished piece:

You see that? I realized this when I took maybe the second photo of the Farin sheet and looked at it and couldn’t believe my eyes because I didn’t remember drawing his torsto THAT small! And then I looked at the drawing and was like “wtf???” because it looked nothing like in the photo and then it hit me...

Also, another thing that I learn was that I might need to pay more attention to the perspective of the whole thing also because when I draw, I sit at the table so I am constantly seeing the drawing from my perspective instead of looking at it from above so that’s probably also going to affect the way I draw. I try to keep that in mind in the future so I can avoid redrawing things again and again just because my perspective is different than the reference photo’s.

Also the giant forehead of Farin’s in the photo on the right might have caused me to laugh a bit too much but anyway, let’s continue~ Or more like: let’s start for real this time.

Here’s the reference photo to y’all:

What I did in photoshop was to draw a line between them to see how I can divide the photo on two A4 papers. I had been thinking about this photo for some time already because it’s one of my favorites (but now I just feel cringy looking at it after I have drawn it... goddamnit!), and I got this idea that I could try drawing it on two papers in case I fuck up so I can start over or try again without having to do twice the work! Which was actually a good decision because this was the first version of Farin:

And it was awful. I also realized I had never drawn Farin’s face from he front. I have drawn him before from the side a few times but maybe once it came out actually good so that was why I decided to do the 2 paper method - because I knew it was not going to be an easy job! Bela is relatively easy to draw so I knew already that I would not have too many problems with that one.

I struggled with Farin’s eyes the most, at first.

It took me a while to figure out how to do that white line in his lower lid. Keep in mind that this was my first face portrait in over 10 years so I was very, very rusty and I just didn’t remember how to draw like anything anymore. (The photo is tilted because Bela’s face is a bit tilted and my hand can’t draw anything that is not straight [lol] so I have to rotate the photo in order to even draw the sketch of Bela’s eyes.)

So I took my sketchbook and tried to do some eyes...

I was still struggling so much here until I remembered about blending. And I didn’t have my hopes high but grabbed the eyeshadow applicators (my fave tool for blending) anyway, and switched to my other sketchbook in case the paper was the issue and:

Blending. It was all about blending! So with that in mind, I realized I can continue and I don’t need to do these in my old way, everything doesn’t have to have a lineart done but some of the job is done not with the pencils but with the eraser.

Anyhow, the previous Farin looked really bad and was too big as well so I just discarded that and started a new sheet because the old lines were not coming off properly anymore. I don’t remember if this is the old face or new but I think this might still be the old one:

Yes it definitely is the old because look at those lines! This is the new sheet:

And in the photo you can see one of my pencils - I use Derwent Graphic pencils, it’s a 12 pencil set with very soft pencils, starting with H, F and HB and ending to 9B. With this one I used F, HB, B, 2B, 5B, 7B and 9B. The white pencil is actually my new love aka the eraser pencil Koh-I-Noor Hardmuth. It’s amazing, I recommend! I just didn’t order 10 new ones this other day. I actually used about 1,5 full eraser pencils on this drawing alone so that’s why 10.

Here’s a “little” gif of the process on Farin:

I felt crazy when I went for the shirt, and I felt like I was going crazy MEANWHILE drawing it but in the end I did it and I’m super proud of it!

Below is the reference photo, it was pain in the ass to follow all those lines with my eyes and try to find what was I drawing and where was I but I think I did good. That was a fun challenge.

Okay so, when I was done with the new lineart, I decided to go for the shading and blending because that’s what really makes the drawings to pop. I started with the left (his right, my left) side of Farin’s face because I’m right-handed, and in the first photo I had done just the left (right) eye and mouth and nose, but in the second there’s also the other eye done already:

Keep in mind this was not the last time I drew the eyes. Not even close.

Something was off with the right (left) eye so I had to do that one again and I noticed that when you blend but haven’t erased and cleaned it yet, it looks like a black eye :DDD So here’s the before and after images of that cleaning. (Cleaning = I draw, blend, erase, draw and blend more when needed and then erase again, and repeat this as many times as I need until it starts to look ready to my eye.)

So here Farin was “finished” but if you still remember the final piece or compare it to it, you might notice it looks quite different. And you’re right. But more about that later, because at this point I started to work on Bela.

It actually started really well - I also had to do the whole lineart again because it did not match the size of “finished” Farin. I don’t remember if this is the first or second eye but when I had drawn his eye for the first time, I noticed it was not in line with Farin so I had to redraw it. A gif of the progress:

What’s that brown paper I’m using, you may ask? Well I noticed that people have some sort of paper on top of their art to keep it from smudging and I have no clue what that is so here’s my poor artist recommendation: baking paper! I tested it and it works (if you just remember to keep it under your hand, that is...) so that is, in fact, baking paper! :DD

I have drawn Bela’s face a few times before and he’s just so much easier to draw. In fact I used 4-5 days on Farin but I managed to start and finish (this version of) Bela just in one day. And that means that out of 12 hours (because I literally used the whole day for drawing) I used maybe like... 5h or something on Bela. That’s how much easier he really is to draw.

I don’t know wtf is wrong with Farin’s face but he’s extremely difficult to draw and I’m not the only one who has been saying this. I guess he just looks so regular but still unique enough to be difficult to draw. Bela then again has features that are very unique and very... caricature-like? I mean that just by drawing his nose or chin you can make a comic book Bela look exactly like himself, and with more realistic style his eyes already do a lot, but Farin’s really the opposite. My comic book version of Farin is literally the most basic version I can draw, it’s how I draw those characters and the only thing that makes him look himself is the hair, and his nose in a side profile. So I think that’s why it’s so difficult to draw him because he doesn’t look too regular but still regular enough to make is a very challenging task to do properly.

So yeah, the same day as I started working on Bela, I was also “finished” with the drawing:

Also look at how different it looks like from this perspective:

With the reference photo open in photoshop and I don’t understand how Bela looks more like himself in my drawing than in the photo. Also when I showed the WIP to my brother, he said that I somehow had succeeded at making Farin look more like Farin than what he does in the photo even. It’s weird.

But we were still far from finished. I was going to use the fixative on this soon but it just kept snowing the whole week so I couldn’t so every time I walked past the drawings, I stopped to fix this and that. For days I kept telling myself “I’m done, I can’t do more than this, I can’t do better than this.” and considered the drawing finished but still kept fixing things. Every time I was “done” with the other drawing, I saw something to fix in the other one and once that was done, I felt like the first one wasn’t as good and had to fix something from it too. And that led to a cycle where the other drawing was always better than the other and the worse one needed to be fixed. In the end I was hating the whole process and myself and my skills and I was already ready to abandon this whole thing and call it a day and never ever show it to anyone “because I cannot draw”. The photo above, here’s a list of things I redrew after that:

Bela’s eyes, the right (left) one at least twice.

Bela’s nose.

Bela’s mouth a couple of times.

Farin’s eyes x588045028520

And a list of things I kept fixing and fixing:

Bela’s chin.

Bela’s neck shadows.

Bela’s hairline.

Farin’s whole face was tilted so I tried to fix that.

Farin’s face was too wide, which meant also partially redrawing the ear.

Farin’s hair was too long and wide too.

Farin’s nose.

Farin’s mouth might be the only thing I drew only once and I’m actually still extremely proud of how it came to be. I did the lips solely with blending so that was super exciting to notice how I can use it for drawing and don’t need the pencils for everything!

During Bela’s eyes and nose and mouth especially I was hating myself so much and I felt like I was taking the risk of ruining the whole thing and a few times I was certain that was what I had just done too, until I somehow was able to save it again. But because of that, I wasn’t able to make Bela’s mouth any lighter anymore, the color wasn’t just coming off the paper so had to use what was there and make it look like it’s how it’s supposed to be, too.

Here’s a gif about those changes on Bela - the first one has the old eyes and nose, the others have minor changed on the nose and mouth:

(The blacks probably don’t get any blacker in reality, I did add more color to it all the time but mainly it’s just the lighting and my phone camera changing the brightness.)

I did the final details on his nose without even using the reference photo anymore. The photo didn’t seem to make any sense anymore at all so I was just using my mechanical pencil and the blending tool and eraser to make is look better. To my eye it looked more like a very flat nose with a big tip of the nose and he doesn’t have a flat nose and I tried to get rid of that illusion. I still feel like it makes him look bit weird but I’m not entirely sure how. Maybe it was because of my improvisation, idk...

So, Bela was then finally finished for the last time. In the Farin piece his left (right) eye had been bugging me the whole time and I didn’t want to touch it but still I felt like I have to do something about it because it was bugging me way too much. I then figured I could draw the eye line by line and take a photo of it each time to see if it looks right already or not, maybe I could then avoid doing all the phases before I was sure what to think about it. I mean, now the only way to see if it was correct was to draw e.g. an eye from start to finish, I couldn’t see from just the lineart or unblended eye if it was in the right spot etc. And here’s that progress on a gif:

The gif about only the eye would look so nice if Tumblr didn’t make the gifs so HUGE - this one is actually only 300px or 400px or something:

Apparently I also wasn’t happy with the other eye because:

But good thing is: I really enjoy drawing eyes. I love seeing them to “come alive”, my favorite part was to eraser a bit of the color on the iris to make them look like they are actually shiny! It feels like something so small to do and yet it makes a huge impact on the drawing!

And here’s yet another gif of the whole Farin sheet with all of the changes, including the last changes that made his head narrower, and less tilted and more in line. Look at the left side of his head especially to see that:

I can also see his nose changing between the first few photos. I keep forgetting about that but yeah, I also fixed that a little at some point.

And last but not least, the whole drawing in some sort of a timelapse gif:

Last two are the same but just a photo and the scan of the finished drawing. I still keep seeing things I would do differently but no can do, I already used fixative on it, also to keep myself from obsessing with it any more :D And to use it as a study of some sort. I have never been able to draw a perfect pencil drawing and this isn’t one either. I probably never can draw perfect drawings from references.

I do enjoy the whole shading and blending process, so much so that when I was editing these photos, I just wanted to start drawing something so bad but I also figured that I start to lose motivation when I get to the point where everything should be finished but I just can’t make it perfect. Like the current WIP I have, all I should do is to get the proportions and perspective and the lines of their faces correctly and I would be ready but it feels more like a superpower some people possess and I’m not one of those. I don’t know what is it but I just feel that I cannot see. I don’t know how to explain it, but I can’t see what I try to do and somehow keep drawing everything the wrong way. Just like in this post’s drawing too. There’s still things that are wrong and I know what it is but I don’t know how to solve it. My hands just don’t listen to me and they can’t do what I think they should. I also think the reason I cannot draw perfect copies of photos is because you can always see my “handprint” in them. If I copy a photo, it will look like a photo and not like a drawing made by me. So I believe that in my drawing there’s always a part of me visible and I’m not entirely sure if it’s a good thing or not. On bad days it’s not a good thing, obviously. On good days? Well I guess it’s good then because it just means I have my own style which I really should appreciate. But I wish I had my style only when I want it to be visible, but I can’t control it. Just like I cannot write text by hand that would look like it was written with a computer, so I guess I should just try to get used to it, no matter how much it’d bug me sometimes.

#mcrmadness draws #mcrmadness draws: behind the scenes #dä fanart #die ärzte

14 notes · View notes

not-majestic-bluenicorn · 4 years ago

Text

Crescent || Chapter 14

Fandom(s): ATEEZ

AU: Treasure Hunters

Genre: Action, Fantasy, Sci-Fi

Relationship: Everyone x Everyone, Established Hongjoong x Yunho

Language: English

Status: Ongoing

Chapter WC: 8,567 words

Warnings: Character Death, Stabbing, Fighting, Blood, Aliens, War, Funerals, Kidnapping, Attempted Kidnapping, Mentions of Child Abuse / Child Work, Explosions, Murder Attempt, Robbery, Homeless/Runaway Character, Torture, Mentions of Slavery more will be added.

Chapter Warnings: Mentions of slavery, Mentions of Child Abuse / Child Work.

Summary:

"Are you the Captain of that ship?" The person asked as they retained him, while someone else walked behind him and broke off the handcuffs.

"Yeah..." Hongjoong was still looking around, trying to spot all of his crew members. He managed to see Mingi, Jongho and Yeosang, but more people were still coming. "Who are you?"

"The Resistance, name's Bang Chan, and I'm the leader."

AO3

<< Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter >>

Tagged: @angel0taiyo

Author’s Note: Crescent is a project I started a very long time ago, more than a year ago, even. I love this story, but I still haven't finished writing it despite the fact I've been at it for like half a year. I wrote most of the chapters I have so far even before I started posting, because I wanted to continue writing while I posted so that it would be finished without me ever catching up and so you readers would never have to go without chapters... But it's starting to feel like homework. I still love the story but I just, I can't bring myself to continue writing it right now. I'm frankly tired. I've written until chapter 24 but the story is going to be about 35 chapters, so I want to ask you a favor. In my twt there will be a poll, vote on it. The first option means I'm going to continue posting the chapters I have until we get to ch 24 and I have nothing to post and then it'll just stop. The second option means I won't post anything from this chapter onwards until I feel better and start writing again. No matter the option, I'm not going to be writing Crescent for the time being, or any other long fanfics for any kpop group, in the forseeable future, because I'm too tired. Here's the poll, you have 3 days from the moment it is posted to vote. Thank you, and I'm sorry.

After Hongjoong helped the officers determine who was part of his crew, and he had made certain that everyone was safe with him including Seonghwa, their ship was towed. According to the person in charge, they would be taken to a nearby planet part of the Kim Empire. They would be detained there along with the people that had accused them (the slave traders) and they would be interrogated to determine what had happened.

Hongjoong was extremely anxious, and he hated not being in control of the situation. He did his best to calm his crew down and relay the situation to them in the best of ways, convincing them that everything was fine and nothing bad would happen to them. In reality he didn't know if things would go so smoothly, and he too was afraid.

He was beginning to consider revealing his status as the prince of the Kim Empire when they began to enter the atmosphere of the planet and the shields were activated. He didn't want anyone to know, because it would put him and his soldiers in danger, but he just couldn't see another way out from it. Once they were finally inside of the planet, the ships stopped for a while and the people they had rescued were taken to another ship.

"What are you doing?" Hongjoong asked, because something didn't feel right. He forced himself to not look at Seonghwa.

"Well, you said they were rescued from a slave ship right?" The officer said. "We're going to take them for a proper check up and see if we can gather any information on their identities, since they don't have legal papers with them."

That made sense, but it still didn't feel right that they were being separated. They weren't a part of his crew, but Hongjoong had rescued them, and he felt like he was responsible for their well being until they had made it back to their planets and their families. There was no time to hesitate anymore, he needed to reveal his identity and make sure everyone was safe.

As he attempted to stand up with his hands cuffed behind his back, there was a loud explosion on the ship to their right and he was thrown to his side. Hongjoong incorporated quickly and looked around, trying to determine where the danger was coming from. The soldiers on his ship immediately pulled out their weapons and looked around, looking for the attacker.

There was another explosion in front of them and suddenly everything was covered in dust and smoke. There was coughing as The Crescent's crew members couldn't cover their faces, and then the noise came. Screaming and yelling and fighting as someone else boarded the ship. Hongjoong himself felt someone pull him up and over to the edge of the ship. He tried to fight it, but it was hard to move when he couldn't see or breathe properly.

"Stop struggling!" The person who was pulling him around whisper-yelled at him. "I'm trying to save you!"

"Who are you?!" Hongjoong yelled between coughing. His eyes stung and he couldn't open them properly.

"You'll know soon enough!" The person yelled, hugging Hongjoong close to them as they reached the side of the ship. "Hold on tight!"

And then they were falling, quickly. Hongjoong screamed, he was still handcuffed and he couldn't really hold onto anything, but the other person was grabbing him tightly. They landed on something and bounced up and down until they were finally let on the floor. Hongjoong was put on the floor and then he felt water pour on his face. Someone wiped it carefully until he was able to open his eyes, and finally he saw that they were on another ship, and that people were still jumping onto the net.

He looked up to see The Crescent and the two guard ships covered in a thick cloud of smoke and dust. As Hongjoong processed the situation, he began to panic and quickly looked around, trying to find his crew members and count them. Every person rescued was left at another part of the deck, where they would work on removing the handcuffs and cleaning their faces. Hongjoong made an attempt to run there, but the person that had rescued him stopped him.

"Hey, calm down friend!" The person said. "We need to get those cuffs off of you."

"I need to check on my crew!" Hongjoong complained, not caring that he was still handcuffed and not in a position to do much himself.

"Are you the Captain of that ship?" The person asked as they retained him, while someone else walked behind him and broke off the handcuffs.

"Yeah..." Hongjoong was still looking around, trying to spot all of his crew members. He managed to see Mingi, Jongho and Yeosang, but more people were still coming. "Who are you?"

"The Resistance, name's Bang Chan, and I'm the leader," Chan explained as the other person finished up the handcuffs and Hongjoong was able to move his arms again. "I'll tell you more when we get to land, go look for your crew."

Hongjoong didn't think twice and immediately left. He walked towards the little group while mentally counting heads and making sure everyone was there, trying not to panic because he still hadn't found Yunho. Eventually he found San, Hwanwoong and Siyeon. Seonghwa was also there, and so where all his soldiers. The few people missing came one after another from above, and then, at last, Hongjoong saw Yunho jump with someone else and land safely on deck.

"That's everyone boss!" A man shouted from the wheel.

"Let's get going Jeongin!" Chan shouted back to him.

The ship quickly changed directions and flew at top speed away from the scene. Hongjoong waited patiently until Yunho's handcuffs had been removed before hugging him, watching behind him as they left The Crescent behind. It hurt to see it become smaller as they ran away from the guard, since that ship had become like his home. But at least he and his crew were safe.

The realization came when they were already far away, that the people they had rescued from the slave ship were nowhere to be found. Hongjoong excused himself with Yunho and went looking for Chan. He found him next to the wheel, directing a younger looking boy as he piloted it. He was quick to join them, even though he thought it would probably be disrespectful, but he needed to know what had happened.

"Were this all the people you could save?" Hongjoong asked, looking rather urgent.

"You were the only ones on board according to our intel," Chan explained, confused.

"No, that can't be right... I'm aware that the guards were moving the people we rescued to one of their ships, but you must have seen them..." Hongjoong insisted.

"The people you rescued?" Chan raised an eyebrow. "I'm not understanding, weren't you arrested for attacking a merchant ship?"

"Yes, but we attacked a ship because they were slave traders," Hongjoong explained. "We were taking the victims to another planet to get them home."

Chan and Jeongin looked at each other before Chan nodded and Jeongin went off somewhere. Hongjoong was desperate. They were basically being kidnapped but he had still left people that he considered his responsibility back there, in a planet that they didn't know. And he still had a really bad feeling about everything that was going on.

"When we were listening to their conversation we didn't hear anything about slave traders," Chan explained. He looked more tense than before, like the news had hit him. "They probably changed their code again and we just didn't realize, it takes time to decipher them."

"Why are you attacking empire ships anyway?" Hongjoong asked. He was too stressed about the situation that he couldn't afford to be kind.

"I told you, I'm the leader of The Resistance, that's what we do," Chan shrugged, immune to Hongjoong's angry tone.

"But why?" Hongjoong insisted, tired of playing this game of asking questions.

"I'll explain everything when we arrive, for now, hold on tight." Chan warned him as he pressed a button.

The ship entered warp speed and they accelerated for what felt like an eternity. Finally, they arrived at some mountains, and Chan anchored the ship with practiced movements. Not far away from where they had anchored, there was an entrance into the mountains, a secret hideout, Hongjoong realized. Chan and his people led all of Hongjoong's crew into the labyrinth inside the mountain and provided them with food and blankets once they had made it to the main chamber.

Hongjoong didn't rest until he saw that all of his crew was safe inside the caves. He counted them multiple times and made sure everyone had what they needed, unable to sit still even when Chan insisted that he needed to rest. He only agreed to sit down when Mingi grabbed his arm and looked at him with worried and scared eyes, and he ended up squeezed between Yunho and Mingi.

"Okay, we owe you an explanation since that was basically a kidnapping," Chan said, sitting on top of a rock to make sure his voice could reach everyone else. "My name is Bang Chan, like I told your Captain, and I am the leader of The Interplanetary Resistance here in Silmerion.

"Our resistance wants to destroy the Kim Empire after all the crimes they have committed against their people, one of those such things is the arrest you just went through," Chan explained. "We just learned this from you, but apparently the ship you attacked was for slave trading. Well, The Sailfish is actually owned by the Kim Empire itself. It's one of the ships they use for trading of illegal substances."

Hongjoong exchanged looks with Hwanwoong, who was as tense as him. They were both members of the royal family, and this meant they were in a dangerous situation. However, they were also vastly outnumbered, so they needed to act carefully to avoid attracting attention to themselves. Their soldiers seemed to understand this, because they didn't react and maintained a low profile.

Behind Hongjoong, San had his eyes trained on him and was tapping his fingers nervously against the floor. Just when he had decided he no longer wanted to kill Hongjoong, it seemed like the Universe was throwing even more challenges at him than before. He spared a glance at Yunho and knew that the soldier felt the same as him, tense with the need to protect Hongjoong from danger. San was truly done for.

"At first we thought you were resistance members from another planet, and that you were attacking the ship as part of the protests," Chan continued explaining. "But it soon became clear that was not it when your Captain told me about the slaves. Unfortunately, because we didn't prepare for it, we couldn't rescue them."

"You mean to tell me that the Empire is behind slave trading and transport of illegal substances?" One of the soldiers asked, and Hongjoong had to contain himself to not tell her to keep it down.

"Not only that. They also don't take proper care of some planets, leaving them without money or taking it from them to finance their wars and expansion, one would think some of those planets are more like colonies than rightful states of the Empire."

"Like Merth X-24?" Mingi asked.

Hongjoong turned to look at him in surprise. Mingi was never one to talk in big meetings, or even talk about himself, but this time he looked hurt and like he wanted to speak and let things out. Next to him, Jongho squeezed his hand softly and nodded slowly. Chan was also looking at him with all of his attention, motioning him to speak, to share his story.

"Merth X-24 is a mining planet, we supply a lot of the metals the Empire uses to craft their special weapons and military ships," Mingi explains, face turning red at the attention placed on him. "However we don't get much from it... My community lives in a system of underground caves because the planet is very hot and arid outside.

"A lot of people die in the caves every week, and we have a lot of orphans and elderly people that the community has to take care of, I'm one of them," it didn't hurt Mingi to speak much about the death of his parents. He didn't remember them at all and had grown being taken care of by the community like almost everyone else. "There's no compensation and we don't receive proper education either. I left the planet to find a better job and send money back to the orphanage."

"Thanks for sharing with us," Chan sighed. "Like yours, there's a lot of planets under the Kim Empire left to their own luck even when they provide to it."

Everyone in the crew was dead silent. Hongjoong's eyes were alight with fury, unable to believe what he had just heard from Mingi himself. His own crew, that was now like his family, had suffered in the hands of his father. He had seen it in Yeosang before, and had even heard Jongho's story, but now he knew Mingi and Seonghwa had been victims of it too, and who knew who else in his crew had suffered from it.

Had Yunho's ship also been a slave ship from his own Empire that had happened to be discovered and that they decided to 'rescue' as a cover up? How had Hongjoong been so blind to all of this for so long? He had been so focused always in battling, in not being the shadow of his brothers by making himself a name as a fighter that he had failed all of his people. He was no better than whoever was behind this.

He felt so guilty and so ashamed that coming clean seemed like the best option. His shoulders and back were tense as he tried to come to a decision, and Yunho seemed to sense this, because he grabbed Hongjoong's hand tightly. Hongjoong looked at him and Yunho shook his head almost imperceptibly, telling him not to do it. Hongjoong wanted desperately to come clean though.

"Well, in any case, I think you need to rest," Chan finally said, after a long moment of silence. "Rest here, we'll make sure the empire's guard doesn't come looking for you, and tomorrow we can help you decide what you'll do from here."

Hongjoong couldn't hold it back and he stood up rather abruptly, accidentally pushing Mingi who was sitting next to him. Yunho immediately stood up as well and grabbed Hongjoong's arm, pulling him back. Chan looked at them with interest, a little confused at their change in attitudes. San tensed up behind them and he noticed how every soldier did as well, ready to jump and defend their prince if he decided to act up.

"I-" Hongjoong began to say, but Yunho didn't let him finish.

"I'm sorry, our Captain doesn't feel well after hearing about this," Yunho said, holding Hongjoong's arm tightly. "He's rather sensitive, I'll take him away until he calms down."

Yunho didn't wait for anyone's approval, he just pulled Hongjoong away by the arm, and Hongjoong followed him. San used the opportunity, and while everyone was looking at the pair that had just left, he crawled out of his place and followed them in silence once things had calmed down. Yunho and Hongjoong walked into a deeper part of the cave. It was dark around them, which made it hard to see, but San managed to follow them perfectly.

"Stop pulling on me," Hongjoong complained, tearing his arm away. "We're far enough."

"What were you thinking?" Yunho asked, keeping his voice low to stop the echo of the caves propagating their conversation.

"You heard what they said about the Empire, horrible things have been happening behind my family's back and it must be stopped!" Hongjoong kept his voice to a whisper as well, as much as he wanted to scream.

San was hunched behind a rock formation, ears trained into their conversation. He could see almost perfectly in the darkness, and could hear them quite clearly as well, such was the blessing he had been made with. Soldiers from Lyria 38 were genetically engineered to be better. That was why they were so lethal, and so sought after to complete dirty jobs. They were expensive as well, although San had no idea just what price his boss had put for his services.

"But you revealing your identity will not stop anything!" Yunho grabbed him by the shoulders. "It'll just get you killed, you heard what they said, they want to overthrow the government."

"Is it so bad that I want to just apologize to them?" Hongjoong asked, sounding like he was about to cry. "I was ignorant too, I never cared for anything but war, and look what the ignorance of my family has done to them."

"It's not bad, but you won't get anything done if you're dead..." Yunho sighed, pulling Hongjoong into a tight hug.

"It's my fault, that they had to live like that..." Hongjoong muttered. "Yeosang stealing from the streets to get out of his dying planet, Jongho being put into child labor, Mingi losing his parents, Seonghwa and you being victims of human trafficking."

"Hey you don't know that, you don't know if my ship was also from the Empire," Yunho was quick to say, clearly trying to offer him an anchor, to make it a little less worse.

"I don't, but what if it was?" Hongjoong stepped away for a moment. "I feel so ashamed, so regretful... The Emperor and the royal family are always so focused on the war aspect that they leave a great deal to the advisors. We turned a blind eye to things that were more important than war and look at all the pain and suffering it's brought."

San took deep breaths as he tried to keep himself from leaving his hiding. It didn't surprise him anymore that it hurt to see Hongjoong like that, so desperate and angry with himself. He felt bad for Yunho too, who looked lost as his boyfriend was inconsolable, and wanted to step out to help them both. The thing was, San had never helped anyone before, he just knew of death and torture. And even if he had known what to do in such a situation, it wasn't his place.

Despite what Wooyoung had said about eight of them being together, San just couldn't see it. He didn't belong anywhere. He was barely human, a tool created for the work that no one else wanted to do, and despite the fact that he had come to care for the others, it wasn't right for him to be with them. It wasn't right to want to belong. And yet, he had begun to crave it, to yearn for it.

"Hongjoong, look," Yunho said after a moment of silence, as he had tried to find the right words to say. "I cannot erase the burden from you, but we can still solve this. Remember what you said when we were at Tebos, after you learned about its status?"

"That I would go back to my family and make things right," Hongjoong nodded, remembering the promise he had maid to himself.

"We can still do that," Yunho said. "The situation is worse than we thought, but we're looking for the biggest treasure in the universe, right? We can take that treasure back home and convince your family to change things. Use the money for the greater good."

"We don't have a ship anymore, though," Hongjoong sighed, unable to see a way out. "And even if we did, we just lost the map."

"No we didn't," Yunho grinned, pulling out the little box that contained all of their progress out of his coat. "I grabbed it when the empire's ships began the commotion. I now realize they would have taken it away after arresting us, but we were lucky Chan and his people arrived right then."

"You..." Hongjoong grabbed the box carefully, eyes wide in surprise.

"I wasn't going to let all the progress go to waste, after all Yeosang and San have worked hard on it," Yunho smiled.

San crouched back down when he heard his name, heart beating fast thinking he had been discovered. Of course he hadn't, but Yunho had already proved to have a sharper eye than most. San was actually certain that Yunho had seen right through him all this time, from the moment he had stepped onto the ship, maybe the only thing that had kept him alive was that he had never confirmed San's original intentions.

"Besides," Yunho continued. "I know it's important what you're doing for your brother."

"This stopped being about my brother some time ago, let's be honest." Hongjoong smiled sadly, softly patting the pocket where he kept the compass. "I loved him so much, he was my role model, but I now realize he might have not been better than me. I have an opportunity to change things now, he would like this better."

"That I'm certain he would," Yunho nodded.

"Alright," Hongjoong said with a sense of finality. "It's decided, we have to get that treasure and save this Empire before it is too late."

"That's what I'm talking about," Yunho smiled and leaned down to press a soft kiss to Hongjoong's lips.

"Let's go back, I need to ask San and Yeosang to help me finish with the map, we were so close to being done before we were detained," Hongjoong smiled with renewed energy.

San knew he must return now, as they would probably find it weird if he wasn't there with Yeosang to help with the map. His heart was beating fast, thinking about the possibilities. Someone out there was trying to kill Hongjoong and he was the only one who knew, yet he didn’t know enough to be able to protect him. He must figure it out and help Hongjoong.

"You know, Hongjoong looked really affected about what Chan said..." Yeosang muttered.

Him, Mingi, Jongho and Seonghwa were sitting apart from the rest in a little group. Yeosang hadn't wanted Seonghwa to join them, but Mingi had insisted on not leaving him alone and Yeosang had been too weak to deny it to him. Jongho nodded in agreement before looking at Mingi and patting his leg. Mingi was looking down, probably from everything he had shared about himself.

San arrived at that moment and the others greeted him briefly, asking him where he had been. He gave a brief excuse about just wanting some time for himself and they left it at that. San was grateful that they didn't ask for more, because he didn't feel like making more excuses, like lying even more.

"I'm sorry about your parents," Jongho said after a moment of silence, because he truly was.

"It's okay, honestly I didn't get to know them," Mingi shrugged. "I'm more worried about all the kids I left behind, my little siblings."

"What were they like?" Yeosang asked, resting his head on his knees.

"There were a lot of them, and most were very playful," Mingi smiled. "They liked bedtime stories, especially the story about how I lost my leg." He chuckled softly at the surprised faces of the others

"They made you tell them a story about how you lost your leg?" Seonghwa asked, confused and slightly disgruntled about the confession.

"Honestly, it's not as bad as it seems," Mingi shrugged. "To them, it makes me a hero, they never made me feel self conscious about it. I'll tell you about it if you want to know, I think I don't mind with you."

They nodded. Mingi seemed more open to share about his past now that he had talked in front of everyone in the ship and the resistance, now that he didn't have to keep things for himself. And they wanted to know more about him, to hear what he had wanted to say. It wasn't easy for Mingi to speak, it had never been, but now he felt listened to.

"We were never given better equipment to deal with the mines, despite the fact that we know the empire has the technology for it, but we always remained unsafe..." Mingi explained, giving them a little background. "That day when we were at the mine, it collapsed.

"I made it out at first, but I could hear screaming from the inside, it was a friend of mine..." Mingi shrugged, not really knowing how to put it into words. "Being trapped down there is terrifying, we live underground but we know where our exits are, when a mine caves in.. the darkness is indescribable.

"I went back in for her and managed to get her out, but the mine was still collapsing and I didn't move fast enough, a piece of rock fell on me and trapped my leg," Mingi touched his wooden leg. "It could've been worse."

"That sounds very painful," Seonghwa muttered, glancing at the wooden leg.

"It was, but I don't remember it that well," Mingi smiled. "I honestly don't miss my leg, and I was just one more victim of a mine collapsing, not a big deal."

"You're very brave to say that," Jongho said, "I think I would've been scared if I had lost an arm while working as a child."

"As a child?" Yeosang asked, a little confused.

"Yeah, I've been working in ship building since I was a child." Jongho explained. "I've been an orphan since young, and I'm honestly not sure how I got to the orphanage in the first place, but a lot of us were adopted into child labor. I know of others who were sold by their parents."

Mingi leaned on Jongho's shoulder, the only way he knew of offering comfort. Jongho's voice didn't express what he actually felt about how he had grown up, and was almost indifferent. Mingi still offered comfort, because he didn't know what else to do and he knew Jongho would never ask them for any kind of support.

"It wasn't that bad, I like to think I grew up well..." Jongho tried to shrug it off, to not let the others know of the abuse he had gone through with his voice. "Plus I learned and became an expert in ships from there, and that's what got me into The Crescent, it's not all too bad."

"What do people have with being cruel to children?" San scoffed, Jongho's story having hit close to home. "They always make a show of protecting children but then turn a blind eye..."

"Do you want to share?" Yeosang asked carefully, noticing that San was tense and probably angry.

They had all put on a show of being scared of San at first, but for what it mattered, they had never actually seen him angry at anything. Not even when Yeosang had sneaked into the ship. San shook his head. He couldn't reveal to them where he came from or what he was to begin with, but he also didn't care to go digging around his feelings. There were more important things to do.

"Alright," Yeosang nodded, dropping it once he saw San was not in a good mood.

"Was it hard for you to live on the streets?" Mingi asked Yeosang, still leaning on Jongho's shoulder.

"A little," Yeosang shrugged. "To be honest I began spending a lot of time out when my father left us, the biggest change was just not having a roof to sleep under."

"Why did you put yourself through that?" Seonghwa asked, a little wary about even talking to Yeosang, but genuinely curious.

"My mom's abuse," Yeosang replied, although his tone gave away that he didn't like Seonghwa prying, even if he hadn't been the first to ask about it. "It became too much, she got angry every time she saw me. I decided to just leave on the streets until I could get enough money and get myself a ticket out of Tebos."

They all nodded. Mingi could remember the state of Yeosang's house when they had gone back for his stuff before taking off. The house wasn't in too bad of a shape, but it was easy to tell that it had fallen into abandonment as no one took care of it. It didn't look like it was completely devoid of life, but it looked like whoever lived there had long stopped caring. It had been a sad view, especially to him who was always used to being around a lot of people.

"What about you?" Yeosang asked Seonghwa next. "How did you end up in The Sailfish?"

"I was running away from home as well," Seonghwa shrugged. "It's none of your business though."

"Come on, you made me say it," Yeosang scoffed. "Why were you running away?"

"I made you share nothing, I asked a question and you chose to reply," Seonghwa frowned, not liking his insistence. "I'm choosing not to reply to your question."

"Come on, the rest of us shared our stories, don't be like that," Yeosang insisted, raising his voice a little.

"Yeosang..." Jongho warned him, but he didn't listen.

"Just tell us," Yeosang said again.

"Why are you forcing me and not him?" Seonghwa asked, clearly annoyed as he pointed at San.

"Because I don't trust you," Yeosang answered truthfully. "Everyone else that was rescued was content with the idea of going back home, why did you decide to stay? It's suspicious and I don't trust you."

"Fine, want to know why I don't want to go back?" Seonghwa raised his eyebrow, gesturing openly. "Imagine being called stupid and useless by your family your whole life, being denied things and overprotected as if you're unable to take care of yourself just because your brain is a little fucked up and I can’t read. I can do everything perfectly, I don't need anyone." Seonghwa crossed his arms, defensive. "I was tired of my brother making my life impossible every day, and despite everything that happened in that ship, I don't want to go back. Why don't you go back to the abuse of your mother, huh?"

Everyone was left speechless by Seonghwa's outburst. Seonghwa took a deep breath before closing his eyes and massaging his temples. He felt embarrassed about his secret being exposed like that. He knew he was not what his brother had said to his face or what his father had whispered behind his back; he was smart and could memorize long texts after someone read them to him. He was good with numbers too. But he couldn't help but see his own shortcomings.

"I'm sorry," Yeosang said, to the surprise of everyone else. "I acted like an asshole, and I'm sorry."

Mingi sat up straight again and scooted closer towards Seonghwa, grabbing his hand tightly and smiling at him. Jongho smiled, because he knew what Mingi was thinking, and also because everyone else's confusion amused him. Especially Seonghwa, who was staring at Mingi's hand probably wondering what was going on.

"I can't read either!" Mingi exclaimed, and Yeosang and San both looked at him in surprise. "I never learned how to, and although I'm sure our situations are very different, I think we're both good enough as we are."

Seonghwa looked up at him and smiled back, softly squeezing Mingi's hand. It was comforting, despite the fact that their situations were different like how Mingi had said. But he was right, it was enough just like that. Seonghwa knew he was much more than his inability to read, and he would show his parents that much.

"It's okay Yeosang," Seonghwa said finally, looking at the other. "You were indeed an asshole, but I understand why you wouldn't trust me, so it's fine. Let's try to put it behind us."

"It doesn't help if you call me an asshole just like that," Yeosang retorted, eyes narrowed down on Mingi's hand still holding Seonghwa's.

"Stop it, both of you, Captain Hongjoong is coming this way," Jongho muttered quickly, swatting at both of them.

San looked up at Hongjoong and Yunho as they walked towards them. They had taken their time to look for them as they had said previously and he worried that he might have missed something important. The situation was delicate for everyone, but San was a few steps ahead from everyone and he feared he would mess up. He had never been worried about failing before, but now there were lives he cared about at stake, and he felt fear.

"Yeosang, San," Hongjoong said. His tone was optimistic, and San wondered if it was a facade or if he truly felt hopeful again. "Yunho was really smart and brought the map with him, I need you to help me finish it."

Yeosang immediately shot up from his place, face relieved as his and San's work was still safe. San was quick to pretend to be surprised as well, although not to the extent of Yeosang, but he couldn't let the others notice that he already knew about the map. He stood up as well and let Yeosang pull him away to work on the map with Hongjoong, leaving the others behind.

Everyone watched them leave before Jongho suddenly stood up and motioned Mingi to do the same as well. Mingi followed, carefully letting go of Seonghwa's hand and letting Jongho take him away after excusing both of them, leaving Yunho and Seonghwa alone. Yunho sat in front of him with a smile and Seonghwa looked sheepishly at him, a little disoriented and vulnerable.

"You alright?" Yunho asked, leaning back. "Rough first day as a crew member."

"Don't mention it," Seonghwa sighed.

"Don't worry too much, we'll make it through this one," Yunho smiled. "Hongjoong always finds a way out, even if he sometimes needs a little push from me."

"You don't address him as the Captain?" Seonghwa asked, a little confused.

"Oh man, you still have so much to learn about this crew," Yunho chuckled. "But don't worry, if everything goes well, you'll get used to it in no time."

"Why did you take us away?" Mingi asked once Jongho had deemed they were far away enough and stopped walking.

"I'm going to say something to you, but you don't have to give me an answer right now," Jongho explained, rubbing his hands together.

"Okay?" Mingi didn't really understand what was going on, but if Jongho had something to say to him, he would listen.

"I'm starting to like you, as more than a friend," Jongho began, keeping it simple and direct. "You really don't have to tell me anything right now, I just wanted to get it out of my chest, I guess."

"But I-I..." Mingi stuttered.

He felt confused. What was there to like about him? He didn't have an important role in the ship and he was lacking in many ways. He was often afraid of everything and wasn't particularly smart or capable, there was nothing good about him that Jongho could like. Why was he confessing something like that at the moment?

"I don't get it," Mingi said. "There's nothing of me for you to like."

"Of course there is!" Jongho immediately interrupted him, not willing to let Mingi put himself down like that. Especially in front of him. "There's so much of you for me to like. You're so kind Mingi, so kind and so caring that you're willing to put yourself at risk for others."

"I'm not, I'm a coward..." Mingi shook his head, in denial.

"That is not true, you spoke up for Yeosang back when they were thinking of handing him over," Jongho grabbed both of his hands. "Even when you had to speak against the Captain and against the First Mate, you didn't hesitate."

"But-"

"And just now when you revealed your secret to the others in favor of comforting Seonghwa, that is not an easy thing to do." Jongho insisted, reminding him of the things he had done. "You also talked to Hongjoong about the dream you had, which helped save Seonghwa and others' lives in the end."

"But I had to ask for your help to do that..." Mingi retorted, feeling small.

"Yeah, and asking for help is also brave," Jongho smiled. "We can't do everything by ourselves, and admitting that in the first place is a huge thing. You asked for my help, but I did nothing except be by your side.You did it all by yourself."

Mingi looked at him with wide eyes. Jongho was earnest and honest, he just couldn't see any trace of lies in his words, and it made him overwhelmed in many ways. Mingi knew he wasn't necessarily bad. He was good at his job as a miner and that had always been enough, but it was the first time he had been described like this by someone. It made him feel more special than when the kids he took care of called him a hero.

"I really don't need you to reply to me right now, we're not in the best of situations," Jongho continued after a moment. "Plus, I know your heart is kind of divided right now." He smiled, making Mingi blush for being put in the spotlight like that. "I hope you know I don't mind if you like others, or if you don't like me. I just wanted to let you know you're special."

"I-" Mingi was speechless. He had never received a love confession before, how was he even supposed to reply to this? "I don't know what to say."

"I don't expect you to say anything, don't worry." Jongho smiled, letting go of his hands. "Let's go back now."

Yeosang left to find Chan and ask him for a place where they could work, leaving San and Hongjoong alone. They were away from everyone else from the crew and the resistance, just sort of waiting at an empty space, hidden from the eyes of others. San knew this would be the perfect time to complete his mission. He could kill Hongjoong and just run away, and by the time the others realized what had happened, he would have made himself disappear.

He tried to envision himself doing it. This was the golden chance he had been waiting for since the beginning of his mission, so he tried to imagine himself ending Hongjoong's life. It was not a surprise that he couldn't picture it. Hongjoong trusted him and even gave his back to San, but San couldn't reach for the knife in his pocket and slice his throat. He hadn't been able to for a while.

Hesitation felt foreign to him. He had never doubted when performing in missions before, which had made him a prized weapon, expensive and sought after. And yet here he was, with the only person that had managed to disarm him. Although to be fair, he was certain he wouldn't be able to kill any of the others Wooyoung had mentioned if he was asked to.

Was that the reason? Had Wooyoung's revelation been the reason he had failed to kill Hongjoong? It sounded possible, but San knew that wasn't it, because he had begun to hesitate even before that dream. What that dream had done to him though, was make him nervous. Someone had seen through him and now it felt like just about anyone could do it, like he was exposed and vulnerable and therefore in danger. Of course, Wooyoung had an advantage because he could simply walk into people's dreams, but it was still messing with him.

"Are you okay?" Hongjoong asked, snapping him out of his thoughts.

At some point he had turned around to look at San, maybe had asked him something even, but San had heard or noticed none of it. He wondered what face he was making for Hongjoong to look so worried. His heart shrunk painfully in his chest as he mentally asked Hongjoong to not look at him like that, because he couldn't take his kindness any longer. San was absolutely, royally fucked.

"Nothing is wrong, I'm just tired after all that went on just now," San lied. At least he could still do that properly.

"Do you want to go rest?" Hongjoong still looked worried though, maybe even more than before. "Yeosang and I can start on the work and you can join us later when you feel more rested."

"No, it's fine." San shook his head quickly. "The map is more important, we can all rest later when we're done with it."

"Nothing is more important than your well being." Hongjoong was quick to say.

San felt his heart break a little more inside his chest. Please don't do this, he thought, because it hurt when Hongjoong was nice to him, and San wasn't used to emotional pain. He could withstand all sorts of injuries to his body, but he had long forgotten what it felt like to truly hurt inside, and he didn't want to remember.

"Go rest, before I make you myself, and you can join us later." Hongjoong insisted with a smile, pushing San softly back towards where the rest of the crew was.

He obeyed, because he didn't think he could actually keep a facade up much longer when he was hurting so much inside. His training and the way he had been raised had broken his spirit long ago, but being part of The Crescent's crew was putting it back together, and the process hurt far much more than the breaking had. They made him feel human, and accepted, and he didn't know if he liked that.

Jongho was sat on the floor, thinking about the conversation he had held with Mingi, when a ragged doll fell on his lap. He looked up, finding the sharp eyes of a young man around his age standing in front of him, smiling at him. Jongho looked down and grabbed the doll. It was a very worn out dog, missing an ear and a beady eye, and it's previously white fur had become gray with age. It was incredibly ugly, but Jongho's chest swelled with recognition at it. He stood up quickly, grabbing Sunwoo by the shoulders and looking at him in the eyes. Sunwoo's smile grew bigger before he was pulling Jongho into an embrace. He was alive, they both were, despite what had seemed to be a huge improbability.

"You fulfilled your promise," Sunwoo whispered next to him, and Jongho held him even tighter.

"You're okay," Jongho said in return. "How are you here?"

"The Resistance rescued me, many years ago, from the orphanage," Sunwoo explained, shrugging a little bit after they put distance between them. "I tried looking for you to take you with me, but there was not enough time and I didn't know where to even start looking... I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Jongho reassured him. "I am where I'm meant to be now, with my crew." He looked down at the plushie again, and smiled. "You kept it."

"It was our promise," Sunwoo nodded. "So... How did you end here?"

"It's a long story..."

Hongjoong was admiring the vastness of space when he felt a tap on his shoulder and the scene broke apart. He turned around, confused, but realization dawned on him when he saw Wooyoung standing in front of him. The other looked tired and antsy, like he hadn't been able to rest well despite the fact that he spent most of his time sleeping. For all that Hongjoong was mad at Wooyoung for never coming back to tell him the truth, he couldn't help but worry.

"Are you okay?" Wooyoung asked, his voice full of worry. Hongjoong felt bad, because he was the one that should have asked when Wooyoung looked like that.

"We're fine," Hongjoong assured him quickly. "You look terrible, though, are you okay?"

"I'm fine..." Wooyoung sighed, rubbing his face. "I think it's because I've been messing with my sleep schedule in order to meet with all of you more."

"You should stop doing that," Hongjoong sighed. What was it with people around him not taking care of themselves?

"I can't, our meeting will be soon and I have keep an eye on many details..." Wooyoung looked at Hongjoong for a moment before sighing. "I guess an explanation is due, but first tell me if everyone in the crew is safe, yes?"

"We're all okay, I promise, even Seonghwa." Hongjoong reassured him again. "It wasn't a pleasant experience, and we don't have a ship any more, but it could've been worse if you hadn't warned me about it."

"I'm sorry, I should've been quicker, but you'll get the ship back, don't worry," Wooyoung sighed.

"How do you know that?" Hongjoong muttered, still a little uncomfortable with the fact that Wooyoung just seemed to know so much.

Without replying, Wooyoung moved his hands and the emptiness turned into a small bedroom. The Somnum went to sit on the bed, rubbing his temples and looking even more pale than he had before. Hongjoong knew this was taking a toll on him, but he also wanted answers, and Wooyoung was finally willing to give them to him.

Hongjoong sat down on the bed next to him, hesitantly putting a hand on Wooyoung's back and rubbing it comfortingly. Wooyoung smiled weekly at him before stretching and bringing his hands together in front of his mouth, like he was considering something. He probably didn't know where to begin, and Hongjoong couldn't blame him.

"You might have figured this out by now, or not, but I'm a Somnum." Wooyoung said first, because he figured that was the best way to begin. "We have prophetic dreams at some point in our lives that reveal to us what our destiny is, and you were in my dream."

"That is..." Hongjoong didn't know how to describe it. He didn't know exactly how he felt about being in someone else's dream, not that Wooyoung could control that, it was just that Wooyoung semed to know so much about him but Hongjoong didn't know about him.

"This is a replica of my room, where I first had my dream about the seven of you." Wooyoung gestured openly, and Hongjoong looked around.

"Right, you said they're all in my ship right now, that you're the only one that's missing." Hongjoong nodded, remembering the short discussion they had had before Wooyoung warned him about the raid. "Who are the others?"

"Well, you'll be glad to know your boyfriend is part of this," Wooyoung smiled at Hongjoong's surprised face. Yunho had never mentioned any weird dreams to him. "I haven't visited him yet 'cause he scares me, but he's part of it. You already know about Yeosang and Mingi as well, because you helped save one and the other told you about the slave ship."

"I assume Seonghwa is also part of this, since you asked me to protect him," Hongjoong began to draw conclusions. "But that only makes six of us, who are the other two?"

"That would be San and Jongho." Wooyoung nodded, satisfied that Hongjoong was easily catching up. "I haven't visited Jongho's dreams though, haven't gotten a chance with how quickly everything has happened."

"But you've visited San?" Hongjoong asked, a little curious to know how the other was doing, since San hadn't seem to be doing well lately, and he couldn't figure out why.

"Yes, he didn't take very kindly to it..." Wooyoung sighed. "I'm sure he'll get over it soon though."

Wooyoung fell back on his bed and closed his eyes, rubbing his eyelids softly. He felt so tired. He had been getting a lot more visions lately, as the most important point in their mission approached, and he hadn't gotten proper rest in a long time. He now knew who was behind Hongjoong's assassination plans, but he couldn't just reveal something like that. Telling the wrong information to Hongjoong would probably ruin everything.

"So, why are the eight of us important?" Hongjoong shifted slightly so he could look straight at Wooyoung.

"We'll influence what is to become a very important historical event..." Wooyoung muttered, but his voice faltered.

"I suppose you can't tell me yet, right?" Hongjoong sighed. Even if he was beginning to understand how this situation worked, it didn't lessen his curiosity, his want for knowledge.

"Not yet, or it could ruin everything." Wooyoung looked at him apologetically, but Hongjoong dismissed it with a smile. "Just keep an eye on them, okay? Keep them close."

"I will, don't worry." Hongjoong nodded, already compromised.

He didn't know why he trusted Wooyoung so much to begin with. They had met only three times, taking this one into account, but Wooyoung had shown that he had only the best in mind for them. Plus, Hongjoong felt so lost now that they were without a ship. He no longer felt the power he had felt before, instead, he felt like he was disappointing his older brother. He wasn't a Captain anymore, but he couldn't be a prince either, so who was he?

"You know Hongjoong," Wooyoung sat up and grabbed his hands. "For the amazing leader you are, you doubt yourself too much." The compass that Taejoong had given him materialized on Hongjoong's hands, and he gasped a little.

"Can you hear my thoughts?" Hongjoong asked, a little confused and surprised.

"A little, your thinking is very loud." Wooyoung smiled. "Have a little more trust on yourself, we will need your guidance." Absentmindedly, he brushed a strand of hair away from Hongjoong's face, the other hand still holding Hongjoong's.

Wooyoung knew so much about them through his dreams, and he had slowly begun to fall for all of them. It became confusing to visit them in dreams, to keep in mind the true status of their relationship. He couldn't help but forget sometimes, the lines of reality and dream becoming a bit blurry. Hongjoong didn't seem to mind though, as he stared at Wooyoung's face, his heart beating a little faster.

"Don't forget you're more than just your title," Wooyoung said with a smile, putting both of his hands down on his lap. Hongjoong nodded, still at a loss for words. "I don't mind if you tell Yunho about this dream by the way, I'm planning to meet all of you soon and finally explain some things." Wooyoung stood up from his bed and stretched.

"Are you leaving now?" Hongjoong asked, standing up in a hurry.

"Yeah, I'm really tired," Wooyoung smiled. "I'll be back soon though, take care."

And so, Wooyoung was gone. Hongjoong stared down at the compass in his hands and remembered the words of his brother. The situation had become bigger than he could have ever imagined, and he felt sorry and lost, but Wooyoung was right, Hongjoong was more than just a prince or the captain of the ship. He didn't know what the future had in store for him and the others, but he knew he would overcome it no matter what.

#kwritersworldnet #kdiarynet #kpopscape #8makes1teamnet #ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez fic #ateez fanfiction #atz #kpop #kpop fanfic #kpop fic #kpop fanfiction #crescent #bluenicorn writes

7 notes · View notes

begrudginglytumbling · 4 years ago

Text

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six

Part Three!

...or I suppose technically it’s part two of Part Two since this one will finish up what the other one started.

Shall we return to Grow Up?

(This’ll be long even though I managed to be a little ruthless and cut some of the images.)

We’ll start with the staffroom and finish with the dorm rooms.

I am only assuming it’s a staffroom. For all I know it could be some kind of common room. But they spend a damned lot of time there. They eat. They hangout. They study. And it’s not just the students, so I’m calling it a staffroom.

Anyway! This breakfast bar thing props up a fair amount of leaning, from general side leans.

To the favoured elbow hook lean.

What I find funny about this particular surface is that Bai Yu’s legs are so long that he actually can’t sit ‘properly’ at it. If he sits straight, then he has to lean forward, since his knees are knocking into it. And when he does sit close (his feet aren’t on the floor, since he’s on a stool, so he can sit properly), he has to spread his legs in some form of obscene manspreading fashion that made me cackle and that I apparently managed to not get a screenshot of (and annoyingly I can’t remember which episode it was in).

Right then, on to the table.

Literally.

On to the table.

Because, clearly, Bai Yu can’t resist sitting on a tabletop.

I made a post about it a while ago, but I’m still not over it so, just as a quick break from the sitting - that outfit is certainly a choice of the wardrobe department.

I mean just look at it, with it’s mustard trousers paired with that top, and a lime green tie. It’s like someone threw the 70s at him or something and went with whatever stuck. I feel like it shouldn’t work. But why does it? Is it a Bai Yu thing?

I mean I know he can pull off some slightly questionable fashion choices - that denim on denim look he has as Zhao Yunlan is something I’d normally say isn’t a good idea, but he looks damn good in it. There is also the jacket with the buttons on the back that I’m still questioning to this day. And the time they apparently rolled him in glitter. And, ok, I happily admit that I don’t tend to understand fashion, and I understand even less of Chinese fashion, but, just, how did this choice come about? Pretty much everyone else in this show seems to wear ‘normal’ sedate clothes. Then there’s this guy. With his bright colours, his polka dots on polka dots, and his cravats. Honestly, mixing his outfit choices with his sitting preferences and relationships, I’m becoming convinced that this is just another example of Bai Yu giving his character Disaster Bi energy. The dude ain’t straight, and the dude ain’t gay. I’d say this dude is a Certified Disaster Bi.

Ok, back to the table and Bai Yu’s leaning back in an almost draw-me-like-one-of-your-French-girls manner.

And, like, there is a chair right there.

But nope.

The unpadded table is apparently more appealing for this man’s relatively flat arse than the padded chair that is right there.

I mean, yeah, he makes an appealing picture that’s visually different from everything else going on, but that does not negate the fact he ignored the empty chair that’s right next to him in favour of draping himself over the table.

And look, he can sit at the table as opposed to on it. There’s quite a few instances where he’s sitting at the table in a chair like a proper person. Granted, in pretty much every instance he’s sitting with his legs crossed, because god forbid he have both feet touching the floor.

But of course this table also sees moments where he’s doing something different to the others. Like here. Everyone is standing, he’s sitting.

I think he’s sulking a bit in this one, but still. Different position, different aura, still not supporting his own meagre weight.

And here with his gay little scout-esque neckerchief/scarf thing, leaning back, not sitting properly.

He does this lean back on the sofa too.

The shot is only a couple of seconds long, then he’s standing up, just like in Part Two, where he’s the only one sitting when the Teacher Doctor guy opens the door, and I touched on this a little in the previous part. But I’m really starting to think it might be a deliberate thing that’s quite clever in drawing the eye.

I should probably preface this with saying I know basically nothing about the processes that go into acting and film making. I am however technically a historian by degree and, therefore, fully capable of pulling theories out of my arse which I will then scrabble around to find sources to back them up.

So! The theory is that movement naturally draws the human eye, and if everyone is the same then a scene can fall flat. Sameness is boring, your eyes can flit over it and not take in any details.

Bai Yu?

Bai Yu is a fidget (seriously go watch his livestream videos, he fidgets, fiddles, and wriggles), this movement can be used to his advantage in drawing the eye. That scene up there? He’s not just leaning back, he’s also shifting about. He’s not in focus, but you can be damned sure that movement made my eyes focus on him before I even knew it was him.

And for combating the sameness? Look at the examples above - he’s lounging on the table, different posture to everyone else - he’s sitting while everyone else is standing - in the previous part he’s standing while everyone else is sitting. I thought at first my eyes were drawn because it’s Bai Yu and, well, he’s a favourite of mine so why wouldn’t my eyes be drawn. But then I realised they would’ve been, regardless, because he’s different. He breaks up the sameness, he stops it being flat. It reminded me of a scene in Pride and Prejudice, where the Bennett girls turn one way, but Mrs. Bennett turns the other. I remember watching or reading a commentary about it, the move being praised. I don’t remember exactly what was said, just that it was praised for being different and adding something to the scene, and it made me wonder if Bai Yu makes similar decisions?

Ok, onto the seating area proper.

He was actually sitting on an armchair properly before this, with both feet on the floor and everything...he looked so uncomfortable. Then he moved to sit on the arm of the sofa, because of course he did.

Y’know, pillows get hugged a lot in this programme, mainly by Bai Yu, but by others too sometimes.

And why sit normally when there’s a perfectly good coffee table in front of you to rest your foot on and make some viewers wince because why is your ankle bending that way? How is that even comfortable?

Just look at it. Barely resting on the table with his other foot adding weight to it.

You make my joints ache, sir.

Ok so technically I probably could’ve cut this one, since he’s just sitting on the sofa, nothing fancy, legs crossed, arm slung over the back as he pulls faces while she’s playing a game - she’s training to be a doctor but has a fear of blood so to get her use to it his character gets her to play fighting games(?) and someone else puts red dye on her hands - but this ends up leading to...

...this.

And just...what? How...?

That can’t be comfortable, surely.

I don’t even...are your joints even real, sir?

If your own joints are twinging in sympathy pain, this is your chance to go give your arms a shake and your body a wiggle before we head to the last section of the dorm rooms. Make sure everything is where it should be to remind yourself that you’re not the broken marionette doll Bai Yu can apparently become.

Right. All shook out? Good.

First stop the girls’ dorms, last stop the boys’.

There’s not much in the main girls’ room, really, just his usual sitting with his legs crossed because obviously the floor is lava and can’t be trusted with both feet.

I’m not sure how much he can be blamed for this one, as he’s technically been thrown into the chair by the little doctor trainee whose character reminds me a bit of Wen Qing.

As a side note, when you’re watching something that you don’t understand the language of, scenes like this can really throw you, because you’re just sitting there minding your own business, when suddenly they’re alone in the room together and Bai Yu’s character is taking off his tie, before striping off his shirt and tossing it on the sofa, and then you’re sitting there like wait, what? When did...? I thought...? What? But then he just gets tossed into the chair and some kind of conversation happens that makes you relax because, yeah, from your vague understanding of the characters, that makes more sense.

Even though he was tossed down, he didn’t actually need to keep his feet on the chair, but of course that didn’t stop him.

He is actually capable of looking comfortable sitting in this particular chair, he even gets to hug a pillow while doing it.

Now then, the boys’ dorm.

He came in, he saw them, he plopped down on the coffee table.

He could’ve sat on the sofa, he could’ve pulled up a chair, but nope. Coffee table.

Obviously, as previously mentioned, the floor is lava, so at the first opportunity he lifted both feet on the table and happily sat on it like an indulgent cat or something.

The sofa.

This sofa is not big enough for a full Bai Yu stretch out, but he can happily curl up on either end.

You could turn him into Bai Yu themed bookends.

Now, from watching Guardian we are all aware that this man is fully capable of embodying the spirit of a cat.

I, however, raise you the spirit of a Great Dane.

I see no difference between these two images.

Also not even this character’s mother can get him to sit properly. She prods him up and shuffles him over, and the first thing he does is pull up a knee.

Y’know how people starfish in bed? Well Bai Yu can apparently starfish in an armchair. He just plops down and flings his limbs out.

I almost didn’t catch this one, it’s part of some studying montage thing, and I thought he was sitting properly since he’s leaning forward, and I can clearly see his slippers.

Then I had a ‘wait, hold up’ moment, went back, and looked properly.

There are no feet in those slippers.

There are no legs attached to them.

So even when you think he’s sitting properly. He isn’t because he is kneeling. And I almost missed this ridiculousness!

Yes, Bai Yu, sit on a bed post that is clearly not meant to be sat on.

This is a moment where he could’ve leant against the wall, but evidently saw even the smallest flat surface as an invitation to sit.

Is that post migrating to places a bed post shouldn’t be migrating to?

Should’ve thought of that before you went and sat on it.

Not only does illness and subsequent surgery give him an excuse to lay on a gurney, it also gives him an excuse to lay in bed!

Apparently being tucked in by other men is also something not entirely unique to Bai Yu’s Zhao Yunlan. That bloke, the roommate that he went on a not-date-but-looked-like-a-date-with-wine-and-everything, seems like an absolute sweetheart and I’m still pissed at what they did in the last episode. It was uncalled for, script writers, uncalled for!

Although, I suppose, in regards to this project, it is kinda ironic that by the end, of the three men in their 'friendship group' of seven, Bai Yu’s character is the last one standing.

If I was a ‘they were roommates. Oh god they were roommates’ kinda writer these beds would be a bloody godsend. Just look at the watching and pining potential if top bunk guy was mooning over bottom bunk guy, while top bunk was doing work at his desk, and bottom bunk was sleeping.

The potential, people, the potential.

So that’s it. Grow Up is all done, and I can confidently put this in the column of Bai Yu quirks that become character quirks.

If you want to watch it, it’s available on Youtube, but there aren’t any subtitles. It’s on Dramacool too, but, again, no subtitles and the quality is horrid compared to Youtube.

Considering I couldn’t care less about the main storyline, it’s not actually a bad little drama.

Part One, Part Two , Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six

#Bai Yu #Bai Yu Sitting Project #Grow Up #Xie Nanxiang

6 notes · View notes