#i want to print it all out and make it into a book
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This post touched on physical media for drawing which is good but I want to add my ramblings about physical drawings as well because these days there's a lot of emphasis on drawing digitally, to the point where I think it's been an actual decade since I've come across a tutorial where someone has drawn things physically on paper....Like, don't underestimate the power of drawing on paper and learning to use physical media. Yeah it's not going to do anything in terms of your popularity đđđ§ but at the moment, you've also got an extra layer of protection between you and AI since the best physical art AI could probably do with current technology is something akin to "printing" out a picture with a writing utensil of some sort since mimicking real physical technique from photos of paintings or drawings is quite a bit harder than weighting pixels and outputting them into a file.
I'm also telling you this for corporate reasons. The way the world is going, there's going to come a day when there are no free programs for drawing, and certainly tablets and computers won't be free or cheap, and they're going to demand all your personal information to even boot up. You'll be locked into selling all your data and locking yourself into subscriptions just to have some artistic expression. Do you want that? Adobe and apple can do a lot but they can't fucking take away your paper and pencil. You should learn to use them if only to take back power from corporations. It's why even though I do use digital tools a lot for comic color because it's faster and I'm just one person, I still do almost everything else physically (ink/pencil/layouts/etc). I have a box the size of a large coffin with all the comic book pages I've drawn in my adult life, and the only way Adobe is getting their hands on them or removing my access to them is by banging down my front door or burning my house down.
Sure, technology makes our lives easier, but if you learn to use physical mediums, no one can ever take art away from you or keep you from creating it (at least not EASILY without some seriously oppressive changes) and it's going to be a very long time (maybe not even in our lifetimes) that the corporate ability to do so is finally nerfed.
And yeah you don't need fancy shit. I do all my rough sketching on printer paper with a mechanical pencil, or with a cheap ass sketch book I carry around. Especially if it's just for you practicing and no one is going to see it, you do not need fancy things. Your ancestors ground stuff up and dipped their hands in it and smacked a cave wall. This is your RIGHT to make shit by whatever means necessary whether you think it's instagram worthy or not. (I even outlined what you can use for animation from dollar tree if you're broke in a series of posts if that's a thing you want to do https://www.tumblr.com/featureenvyproductions/752966738522619904/my-thoughts-on-how-to-do-basically-kinda-cel?source=share)
And that's another thing too, don't worry if it sucks. I promise it doesn't, because you made something. And also even if you think it does because you're not meeting your goal or whatever, you have to shake the 10000 bad drawings out of your wrist before you get to the good stuff. Even someone like me who's been drawing [seriously anyway] for 25+ years has to warm up a bit before churning out something serious. Just do it I promise it's fine. (And also if you have the ability to take a figure drawing and/or life drawing class do that because in my experience it helps)
(Also not that I'm that great at art still compared to a lot of artists, I have been at it for a long long time, so if anyone who sees my stuff ever wants to know how I did something, please ask me, I will tell you free tips, I love info dumping, there is no such thing as a stupid question,,,,the greatest compliment is being asked how I did something,,,you do not understand,,,,to me democratizing art means ensuring YOU no matter who you are, can make some of it)
Can't afford art school?
After seeing post like this đ
And this gem đ
As well as countless of others from the AI generator community. Just talking about how "inaccessible art" is, I decided why not show how wrong these guys are while also helping anyone who actually wants to learn.
Here is the first one ART TEACHERS! There are plenty online and in places like youtube.
đșHere is my list:
Proko (Free)
Marc Brunet (Free but he does have other classes for a cheap price. Use to work for Blizzard)
Aaron Rutten (free)
BoroCG (free)
Jesse J. Jones (free, talks about animating)
Jesus Conde (free)
Mohammed Agbadi (free, he gives some advice in some videos and talks about art)
Ross Draws (free, he does have other classes for a good price)
SamDoesArts (free, gives good advice and critiques)
Drawfee Show (free, they do give some good advice and great inspiration)
The Art of Aaron Blaise ( useful tips for digital art and animation. Was an animator for Disney)
Bobby Chiu ( useful tips and interviews with artist who are in the industry or making a living as artist)
Second part BOOKS, I have collected some books that have helped me and might help others.
đHere is my list:
The "how to draw manga" series produced by Graphic-sha. These are for manga artist but they give great advice and information.
"Creating characters with personality" by Tom Bancroft. A great book that can help not just people who draw cartoons but also realistic ones. As it helps you with facial ques and how to make a character interesting.
"Albinus on anatomy" by Robert Beverly Hale and Terence Coyle. Great book to help someone learn basic anatomy.
"Artistic Anatomy" by Dr. Paul Richer and Robert Beverly Hale. A good book if you want to go further in-depth with anatomy.
"Directing the story" by Francis Glebas. A good book if you want to Story board or make comics.
"Animal Anatomy for Artists" by Eliot Goldfinger. A good book for if you want to draw animals or creatures.
"Constructive Anatomy: with almost 500 illustrations" by George B. Bridgman. A great book to help you block out shadows in your figures and see them in a more 3 diamantine way.
"Dynamic Anatomy: Revised and expand" by Burne Hogarth. A book that shows how to block out shapes and easily understand what you are looking out. When it comes to human subjects.
"An Atlas of animal anatomy for artist" by W. Ellenberger and H. Dittrich and H. Baum. This is another good one for people who want to draw animals or creatures.
Etherington Brothers, they make books and have a free blog with art tips.
As for Supplies, I recommend starting out cheap, buying Pencils and art paper at dollar tree or 5 below. For digital art, I recommend not starting with a screen art drawing tablet as they are more expensive.
For the Best art Tablet I recommend either Xp-pen, Bamboo or Huion. Some can range from about 40$ to the thousands.
đ»As for art programs here is a list of Free to pay.
Clip Studio paint ( you can choose to pay once or sub and get updates)
Procreate ( pay once for $9.99)
Blender (for 3D modules/sculpting, ect Free)
PaintTool SAI (pay but has a 31 day free trail)
Krita (Free)
mypaint (free)
FireAlpaca (free)
Libresprite (free, for pixel art)
Those are the ones I can recall.
So do with this information as you will but as you can tell there are ways to learn how to become an artist, without breaking the bank. The only thing that might be stopping YOU from using any of these things, is YOU.
I have made time to learn to draw and many artist have too. Either in-between working two jobs or taking care of your family and a job or regular school and chores. YOU just have to take the time or use some time management, it really doesn't take long to practice for like an hour or less. YOU also don't have to do it every day, just once or three times a week is fine.
Hope this was helpful and have a great day.
#also yeah watch drawfee#I just started going through all their YouTube videos and I love these people#This is exactly what art should be like#You know like they're really good artists and it's obvious and you can learn a LOT from even their goofy speed drawings#their technique is very good and they show drawing and colorization as an iterative process#but in a way I think anyone can comprehend#good technique but approachable#And they have fun with it and don't take themselves to seriously#If I was going to get someone to watch a drawing channel this would be it#To be honest it's not even that I give a supremely large fuck about AI art#What I care more about is corporations suffering#as in I love to watch them squirm#i am acespec but physically attracted to the feeling it gives me#when a corporate entity can't milk cash from something or get their grubby hands on things they have no right to#and you exercising your human right to make art without them makes them suffer#it's also better for the environment#this is an anti-capitalist/anarchist thing for me#this is why I will tell you art things if you ask
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A dance with death (and her wife) (Part 2)
A look into Agatha and Rio's home life, and you are reeling from having The Witch and Lady Death in your motel room
Word count: 4200
Warnings: mentions of murder, manipulativeness, light gaslighting
The same morning you get called to Westview, Agatha Harkness wakes up to find her wife, Rio Vidal, staring at her.Â
âIf you were going to kill me, how would you do it?â Rio asks, and Agatha raises an eyebrow.Â
âGood morning to you, too,â she groans, propping herself up on her elbows to get a better look at Rio, who is lounging in the chair in the corner. âHow long have you been watching me sleep?âÂ
Rio shrugs. âYou make it sound like Iâm some serial killer whoâs about to murder you.â Her eyes widen conspiratorially and Agatha snorts before plopping back down.Â
âSheâs getting here today, you know,â Agatha says and she can hear Rioâs breath hitch.Â
She leans forward in the chair. âWhen do you think sheâll come see me?â The eagerness is evident in her voice, and Agatha knows how she feels.Â
âOnce we pull off our little âWelcome to Westviewâ stunt tonight? I bet no time at all,â Agatha answers.Â
Rio grins, seemingly satisfied with the answer, and picks up the skeleton mask sitting on the dresser. She fiddles with the strings and holds it up to her face. âI wouldnât be surprised if that Miami director books the appointment himself. Do police detectives usually include a business card to their wifeâs therapy practice in their information file to the FBI?âÂ
âBetter hope he doesnât just pull her off the case,â Agatha remarks, ignoring the question, and finally gets up out of bed and walks past the bouquet of purple azaleas on the vanity. âHeâs pretty serious when it comes to protecting her. Especially afterâŠâÂ
âNo,â Rio cuts her off and Agatha looks at her wife in surprise. Rio puts her mask down, stands up, and walks over so sheâs face-to-face with the older woman. She reaches a hand out to put it gently around Agathaâs throat, who doesnât even flinch. Rio smirks and drags her hand downward so itâs resting over her heart. âWeâre finally getting what we want. Do you know how long weâve been waiting for this? For her? Iâm not letting her go.â
Agatha tilts her head to the side, thinking for a second. âIf I were going to kill you, Iâd fill a syringe with air and inject it into your bloodstream under your toenail. The death would mimic a heart attack and the track mark would be almost impossible to find. Iâd tell the authorities that you were under so much stress as a therapist that it eventually took a toll on your body,â she says slowly, clinically even, watching Rioâs hazel eyes get dark.Â
She hums and looks down at Agathaâs lips. âYou really know how to make a lady swoon.â Rio gives her a quick peck and leaves the room so her wife can get ready for work.Â
On her way to the kitchen, Rio steps into the spare room in the hallway and takes a deep breath, feeling the tension seeping from her muscles. The table in the middle of the room is covered in vials, all Agathaâs doing. They donât call her The Witch for nothing, Rio thinks. She picks up her own dagger and twirls it between her practiced fingers while she admires the handiwork on the left side of the room.Â
From ceiling to floor, the wall is completely covered with you. Every single case file youâve profiled for, pictures of you from now all the way back to your childhood, transcripts from Quantico and college. Rioâs favorite photo hangs front and center, the one of the scar you got from dealing with the Scarlet Killer, all rough and jagged.Â
Rio wouldâve made it prettier.Â
Patience, she reminds herself.Â
The trap has been laid. All thatâs left to do is wait.Â
***
You turn the entire motel room upside down, scourging for anything else the killers may have left behind: a camera or a listening device, or maybe even a clue.Â
Nothing.Â
And then you kick yourself for touching everything because now you canât even test for prints. Plus, itâs a motel room so youâre not sure youâd be able to narrow it down.Â
The phone is in your hand dialing Tony back before you can think. He doesnât answer and you slam it down on the bed in frustration.Â
They were here. The Witch and Lady Death were in your room.Â
You draw the blinds and deadbolt the door, making a mental note to ask the front desk to change the locks. How did they get in? How did they know you were going to get food?Â
A cold feeling sinks into your bones. They must be watching you.Â
And whatâs to stop them from coming back? This time though, when youâre in the room?Â
Anyone could be next. Agathaâs words echo around in your head and you didnât realize just how true they are until now.Â
You donât realize youâre hyperventilating until you feel dizzy and gag. Then you run to the bathroom and puke into the toilet. Wiping a hand across your sweaty forehead, your mind spins with what to do.Â
You could call the police, but you donât think they would do any good, especially after youâve tampered with evidence. There were no cameras in this motel, you had already checked.Â
Pacing back and forth, head in your hands, you try and try and try to think of what to do.Â
And finally you think of something.Â
You punch in the number and hold the phone up to your ear.Â
It rings three times and then thereâs a click.Â
âDr. Rio Vidalâs office, if this is an emergency please hang up the phone and call 911. If not, this is Dr. Vidal, how can I help you?âÂ
You take a shaky breath and press your fingers to your forehead to stave off the incoming headache. âUm, yes, hi, I was calling to see if I could make an appointment? The sooner, the better.âÂ
Thereâs shuffling and then tapping of keys on a computer. âWhatâs your name?â When you say it, you hear a sharp inhale and then a cough. âSorry about that. How does 1 pm tomorrow sound?âÂ
You blink. You didnât realize youâd be able to get in that fast, but you suppose in a small town like Westview, not many people are going to therapy. âYeah, that would be great. Iâll see you tomorrow then. Thank you.âÂ
âBye, Agent Y/L/N,â she says. You frown. You never told her you were an agent. But you figure itâs been announced that youâre coming, so you brush it off.Â
You take a quick shower and then get into bed, trying to relax and maybe get some sleep. You promised Tony youâd get five hours a night, but youâll be lucky if you even get one.Â
At every groan and creak, you jump and grab your gun, sitting up completely alert. Itâs always the wind or a tree branch or the building settling.Â
You lay under the sheets, hand gripped around your weapon, and you donât sleep a wink.Â
When you get to the station the next morning, the first person you see is Agatha. She looks up at you, takes in your new outfit, and smiles brightly.Â
The killers replaced all your clothes so you had no choice but to wear the new ones until youâre able to go shopping. You wouldnât be surprised if they laced the fabric with something and you end up dead before lunch, but itâs snowing today and you had nothing else to wear.Â
âHave a good first night in Westview?â She asks and you cautiously glance around the room.Â
âCan I talk to you for a minute?â You ask urgently, voice low. Concern flits onto her face and she nods and stands up. She pulls you into the evidence locker. âThey were at my motel last night,â you hiss.Â
Agathaâs hand flies to her mouth. âThe killers? Are you sure?âÂ
You nod furiously. âI had left to get food and when I came back, the door was open and they had packed my suitcase with all new stuffââ You motion down at your body and she checks you out again. ââand perfume and then they circled âloversâ on a sticky note I had to tell me their relationship and they left the flower on my table!âÂ
âSlow down,â Agatha says and you realize youâve been talking so fast that you havenât taken a breath. She puts her hands on your shoulders. âDid you see them? Did they come back?âÂ
âNo, not yet at least. I donât understand, if they wanted to kill me, why not just wait until I was there? Or asleep?âÂ
âMaybe they didnât want to kill you,â Agatha suggests. âMaybe they just wanted to send you a message or something. Itâs pretty big news that we have a profiler from the FBI here to help stop them.âÂ
You frown. âSo they wanted to let me know theyâre not scared of me?âÂ
She shrugs. âMaybe, maybe not. Who knows what theyâre thinking. But the most important thing is that youâre okay. We can send over some officers later to test for evidence, if you want.âÂ
âItâs no use, I tore the place apart last night,â you say, shaking your head at your own stupidity. She squeezes your shoulders.Â
âHey, donât worry. Like you said, if they wanted you dead, youâd be dead. Letâs go out there and work on catching them so you and everyone else in Westview can sleep easy, yeah?âÂ
You nod, feeling a little better but then you pause. âAgatha, are you afraid?â
Something flickers in her eyes before it's quickly replaced by humor. âI think they know better than to break into the home of a decorated detective such as myself,â she says haughtily and you canât help but to laugh. She chuckles too, but then something in her face changes.Â
Before you can ask whatâs wrong, she leans in and sniffs up your neck. You freeze and find all the air in your lungs gone.Â
âNew perfume?â She mutters.Â
You had put it on this morning without even thinking about it as your usual had also been taken. Thanatos. The Greek personification of death.Â
Or as Freud defined it, a personâs urge to die.Â
âYeah,â you stutter. Agatha finally pulls back and her blue eyes are dilated. You find your gaze dropping down to her mouth again and you want to feel her lips on yours.Â
âYou said they packed your suitcase with all new stuff,â she says in a hushed voice and your heartbeat picks up. âDid they give you that too?âÂ
âYes,â you whisper, and instead of looking disgusted, like you thought she would, she looks excited.Â
She leans back in and presses her face into your neck and are you imagining her lips ghosting against your skin or is that really happening? It feels like your entire body is on fire.Â
They trail up, light as a feather against your jugular vein, and sheâs at your chin when the door slams open and you jump back. She winks and then sheâs turning on her heel and walking out. Itâs an officer, trying to book evidence, looking very confused.Â
âMaking friends, Miami?â He jokes and your face flushes before you quickly leave the room before finding Agatha and the rest of the detectives back in the room with the case information.Â
You tirelessly pour over every single detail for the next few hours to no avail. You toss out theories but Agatha always finds something that doesnât add up and youâre always back to square one.Â
But then itâs time for your therapy appointment, so you drop your pen down to the table and gather the pages of your chicken scratch to throw in your bag.Â
âI have to head out,â you say hastily and Agatha glances up.Â
âHot date, superstar?â She teases and the memory of her mouth on your neck burns through you.Â
You shake your head. âJust uh, going to the doctor.âÂ
She raises an eyebrow daringly and smirks. âHave fun.âÂ
You give her a tight smile and then youâre in your car driving to the office. Thereâs people walking on the street on your route and you canât help but wonder which of them might be the next victim.Â
Itâs always been hard to not get too attached to the people in the towns you work at. Looking at them, knowing tomorrow they might not be alive, it takes a toll on you.Â
Thatâs part of the reason you get so attached. The waiting, the not knowing. It eats away at you.Â
Dr. Vidalâs office is tucked away in the corner of a string of workspaces in a building, and you feel something weird in your stomach as you walk up the steps. For the third time in the past 24 hours, your scar sears with a pain you havenât felt since right after. You have to stop and breathe deeply before opening the door.Â
A woman sits at the front desk typing on her computer. She barely even looks at you and you stand at the desk for a moment before clearing your throat.Â
âUm, hi, I have an appointment for one? Iâm Y/N,â you say and itâs like sheâs finally realized someoneâs standing there.Â
She hums in acknowledgement and scrolls until she finds your name and clicks. âThe doctor will be with you shortly.âÂ
You tap the desk and go sit down, wiping your palms on your pants. Itâs only a few minutes before a door opens and your name is called.Â
Walking into the room, the first thing you notice is the thick smell of nature. And then you see plants everywhere. Bookshelves line the walls, full with books and pots of every type of plant and flower youâve ever seen. Your eyes narrow, but you donât see anything purple.Â
And then you see Dr. Vidal sitting behind a large desk. You tentatively take a seat in one of the chairs across from her, squirming under her intense gaze. Sheâs an attractive woman, hair pulled back into a tight bun and brown eyes that seem to stare into your soul. Thereâs not a hair out of place on her desk; everything is meticulously organized and right where she needs it.Â
You clear your throat. âBig plant lover?â You say, and itâs an incredibly awkward way to make a first impression. Youâve never been good at therapy, or with uncomfortable silences.Â
But she doesnât seem to care, finds it almost amusing. Her tongue pushes against the inside of her cheek and she settles forward. âSo, what brings you to therapy?âÂ
You donât even know where to start. âI just got to town, and um, oh â Iâm a profiler, by the way, for the FBI. Iâm here working on the case with The Witch and Lady Death.âÂ
âLady Death?â Dr. Vidal asks, giving you an intrigued look.Â
âOh, we figured out that thereâs actually two killers. Thatâs what I nicknamed the other one, because apparently sheâs been seen with the bottom half of a skeleton mask on her face. Wait, this is all confidential right?âÂ
âOf course,â she assures you, voice smooth as honey. âAnything you say here doesnât leave this room unless you threaten to hurt yourself or someone else. So, youâre here about the case?âÂ
You nod, playing with the hem of your sweater. âYeah, you could say that. I sort of have some obsessive tendencies when it comes to cases like these, and I just wanted to get ahead of them before I spiraled again.âÂ
âWhat does a spiral look like for you?âÂ
Chewing on your nail, your gut twists and you can feel Wandaâs knife jabbing into you. âI stop eating, stop sleeping. The work consumes me, I canât take a break. I donât want to take a break. Thereâs just this overwhelming need to catch the killer and I wonât stop â I canât stop â until I find them. It can be dangerous.âÂ
She nods and writes something down in her notebook. âWhy did you become a profiler?âÂ
âTo help people,â you answer immediately. âI like reading the killers, figuring out what theyâre thinking, getting inside their heads and beating them at their own game.âÂ
âWhen did you start knowing you wanted to do this? Why not just become a detective or something?âÂ
This one takes a bit longer to think about. âI donât know, I just remember being a kid and wanting toâŠâ You trail off, suddenly feeling confused. âIâm sorry, I donât really know what I was going to say.â Something is weird, wrong even. What were you thinking of?Â
âNo, donât apologize,â Dr. Vidal says, laying her hands on the desk with wide eyes. âYou wanted to what as a kid? What happened that made you want to think like a killer?âÂ
A dull ache starts to throb against your skull the harder you try and think about it. âI donât know,â you repeat, pinching the bridge of your nose. âIâm not thinking like a killer, Iâm figuring out the way their brain works. So I can catch them.âÂ
She leans back and crosses her arms. âWhat do you feel when you think like them?âÂ
âWhat does this have to do withââ But youâre cut off by a blinding burst of pain and then glimpses of something you canât quite explain flash through your mind.Â
Snow.Â
Trees.Â
A clearing in the woods.Â
Red birds flutter from the branches, startled by something.Â
You hear your name and the images are gone. Dr. Vidal is watching you closely, breathing heavily. âWhat was that?âÂ
Shaking your head, you try to make sense of what just happened. Memories or hallucinations? âUm, sorry, I donât know. What was the question?âÂ
Her eyes are dark and they remind you of Agathaâs in the evidence locker. How she had leaned down and smelled the perfume you were wearing. You shift in your chair.Â
âI was asking what your coping mechanisms are for when you start to feel yourself spiraling,â she says, and youâre still a little foggy, but youâre pretty sure thatâs not what she asked.Â
You think you might be going crazy. âMy boss back in Miami was pretty good about recognizing when I needed to take a step back. Iâm trying to not get too involved and make sure Iâm eating and staying hydrated and sleeping enough. And Iâm here, so I think this should help.âÂ
âThatâs what Iâm here for,â Dr. Vidal says with a smile. âIf you ever start to feel too drawn in, take three deep breaths and then do the 5-4-3-2-1 technique. Are you familiar?âÂ
You almost roll your eyes. Thatâs exactly what they told you to do during your mandated therapy. Name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. It was meant to ground you and reduce your anxiety.Â
âYeah, Iâve tried it a few times, but it didnât really work for me,â you admit and she waves dismissively.Â
She quickly scribbles something down and rips out a chunk of paper, sliding it across to you. âThis is my cell,â she says. âCall me anytime, day or night, if you ever need to talk. Sometimes thatâs the best way to calm down. I know youâre new here, but do you have anyone else, maybe someone youâve been working with that you could talk to if you need to?âÂ
âThereâs this one woman I work with thatâs pretty nice. Sheâs the main detective on the case, so I think I could reach out if I really needed to,â you say and she looks pleased.Â
âDetective Harkness?â Dr. Vidal asks.Â
In a small town, people are bound to be familiar with each other. âUm, yeah, do you know her?âÂ
She smirks. âVery well. Sheâs quite attractive, donât you think?âÂ
The question catches you off-guard. Is everyone in this place weird? âI mean, sure, of course. Are you allowed to say that?âÂ
âWell, sheâs my wife so I would hope so.âÂ
Your mouth drops open. Her lips on your skin, ghosting along your neck, filling you with heat and a need for more. âOh, Iâm so sorry for saying that, I had no idea, obviously. We just work together.âÂ
âDonât be, doll. Iâm sure the two of you would make quite the pair,â Dr. Vidal says, and you ignore the possible unprofessionalism at the pet name. She doesnât seem offended at all, only fascinated.Â
You shift in your seat again while trying to figure out what to say. âWellââ you start, but she cuts you off.Â
âLet me guess, sheâs been flirting?âÂ
Fuck. What do you even say? Is Dr. Vidal going to be mad, say she canât treat you anymore? Itâs not your fault, you hadnât done anything.Â
She scoffs. âYouâre such a pretty young thing, I canât blame her. Youâll have to come over for dinner with us some night.âÂ
âUm, is that allowed?â You ask, blinking slowly. You have absolutely no idea what is going on. Is your therapist suggesting a threesome with you and her wife and woman youâre working with?Â
âGetting a meal with your support system? Why wouldnât it be?â When she phrases it like that, itâs hard to find an error with her logic.Â
You shrug. It would be nice to be able to talk freely about things. And youâre sure Agatha has told her about the case already. âYeah, okay.â
âIs there anything else you want to talk about?âÂ
The question weighs on your mind as you chew on your lip and debate whether or not to tell her about the images you just saw. You donât remember ever being in those woods. âDo patients ever, I donât know, see things while they talk to you? Like false memories or something?âÂ
This gets her attention. âWhat did you see?âÂ
âSnow, and woods, and a flock of birds. I donât know, it felt familiar but Iâve neverâŠâ You try to put it into words, but you donât know how.Â
âWhat happens when you try to follow that memory?â She asks and you close your eyes, but thereâs nothing.Â
âIâI canât. There was like a pain in my head when you asked about what made me want to think like a killer, and then I saw it, but itâs not happening now.â You sound defeated, a testament to your frustration.Â
Dr. Vidal frowns. âDo you know what repressed memories are? And I never asked you that.âÂ
Itâs like the floor tilts under you and you stare blankly at her. You can only focus on the latter part. âNo, you did, I rememberâŠâ You start to breathe heavily, panic rising in your chest, and she comes over to rub at your back. âI donât understand.âÂ
âItâs possible youâre feeling a little overwhelmed by all this. I think you need to go home and get some rest. Did you sleep last night?âÂ
It makes sense to you now. You didnât sleep at all, your brain is just playing tricks on you. âNo.âÂ
She nods. âGo home. Take a nap. Letâs book a follow up, though. See if we can get to the bottom of those images.âÂ
You choose to come back in three days in the afternoon again and then you drive back to the motel. Your exhaustion suddenly weighs a ton and all you have to do is stumble in your room, collapse on the bed, and you pass out.Â
The snow crunches underneath your boots as you trode through it. Branches claw at your legs through your pants and the wind whips your cheeks.Â
Itâs cold, but you canât feel it.Â
Where are you going? You donât know, but your legs do. They take you through the woods into the clearing.Â
You stand alone for a few minutes and then you hear someone â something? â approaching.Â
A purple wolf.Â
You crouch down to your knees and it saunters up to you. One eye is a piercing blue, the other is hazel.Â
So familiar, yet otherworldly. You donât understand.Â
It opens its mouth to say something, and youâre leaning in to make sure you hear it, when â
Your phone rings and it jolts you awake in a cold sweat. You roll over in bed to find youâve been asleep for hours. You reach for your phone when you realize that youâre completely naked.Â
How did that happen?Â
When you were younger, you know you had problems with sleep-walking, but you would always keep your clothes on. You file that away to talk to Dr. Vidal about next time.Â
âHello?â You say groggily, not even checking whoâs on the other line.Â
âItâs Agatha,â the voice says and itâs like a bucket of cold water gets thrown on you. âThereâs been another murder.â
#agatha harkness x fem!reader#agatha x reader#agatha harkness x reader#agatha x you#agatha harkness x you#agatha all along#agatha x rio#agathario x reader#agathario#rio vidal x agatha harkness#rio vidal x reader#rio x reader
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just found out the best valdemar fanfic got deleted a while ago. rip "A Long Journey" you'll be missed with all your 200k words
BurgundyDahlia_ed if you see this i'm willing to pay to read it again please im starving for content
#the arcana#the arcana game#quaestor valdemar#valdemar#the arcana courtiers#arcana courtiers#courtiers#fanfiction#im begging#if anyone knows how to contact the author pls pls tell me#i got cash right here#i want to print it all out and make it into a book#deserves a whole bookshelf for itself#simpingart#simpingtext
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Potential November Reads
In This House of Brede by Rumer Godden
The Everlasting Man by G.K. Chesterton
Something by Charles Dickens
A nonfiction book
A piece of classic Russian literature
#monthly reading list#books#i've decided to make both lists because i'm in a 'obsess over all the options' mood#and this gets it out of my head#i've already mentioned brede#i plan to stick with it#i'm a couple chapters in and liking it so far#i've ordered 'everlasting man' from the library so i won't have to read my copy with horrendously small print#(after reading h.g. wells and seeing how nonsensical his view of human nature is from a christian perspective)#(i decided i needed to read chesterton's rebuttal to wells)#i've got dickens on here because despite spending october reading almost exclusively victorians#i came out of the month wanting to read some dickens#november has *strong* associations with 'great expectations' so i've got to see if some other dickens will satisfy the craving#if nothing else i got a volume of his christmas novellas out from the library and i may just have to give one a go#i need to read some nonfiction again (essays/apologetics don't count)#a top contender right now is 'the guns of august' because i found a used copy a couple months ago#and wwi is the perfect november nonfiction (oh that reminds me i should finish 'a hilltop on the marne')#and after reading victorians all month i need to read some classic literature from another country#and winter is a very russian-lit time of year#(the victober wrap up is coming btw)#(it's just that concisely summarizing these reading experiences takes a lot of time)
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took the chance to scribble up a plague pigeon for @quezify's dtiys...
#em draws stuff#juneeuthanasia#fun was had!!!#I wanted to make this look like a stained old print and I'm particularly pleased with the moldering-bleeding-ink effect#as well as getting that gold to look like a thicker layer over the imaginary paper!#have been Studying quezify's meat artwork for Some Time so had to grab the excuse to be drawing their character#and I was looking up pictures of lancets for other reasons but thought that one of those might suit them nicely#...also proceeded through Several more animorphs books while merrily crosshatching along and it turned out to be not at all a bad combo.
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I just looked at the price on the back of a book Iâve had for a bit over a decade and it was four. fucking. dollars. Just four with no taxes. No extra 97cents or something before taxes. Just a round number that you would add taxes to.
I googled the price of a new edition and it was almost thirteen! Not an even thirteen, it was like 12.96 or something. Close enough that itâs basically thirteen but if youâre adding multiple items together to try and get the price on a purchase with more items it would add more confusion.
#emma posts#it was also a bit difficult to find a new copy on my phone#the edition I have was selling for wildly varying prices as a vintage book now#but thatâs just a kids chapter book from a fairly large publisher#I know inflation happens and stuff but holy shit#buying things at the book fair makes so much more sense now#I bought that for 4$ plus taxes at the schoolastic book fair#it was maybe 12 years ago?#I could look at the publishing date for a better idea#the series had just switched publishers and the first few were being re-released at the time#before the new publisher and the author finished the series#four dollars though#I had to check the book because I know the current price of many paperbacks and I knew that series was still in print#but what lead to this was the price tag falling off an old brush I found from like. 2009 or 2010#and the tag on this very large brush was seven dollars#which seemed cheap so I looked at current brush prices online but since the exact same brush isnât being sold and brush prices vary more#it was a bit harder for me to get an idea of it. books though. books I know#Iâve even bought stuff from that publisher recently (they have a lot of novel and comic translations)#but it also struck me how the old price tag was an even four and an even seven dollars but all new ones had 97 or 98 cents#that ten dollars from helping out grandma wouldnât have even gotten me one book with modern prices#but back then I could get TWO#even just seven could have gotten me a book and some fun school supplies back then#to have that experience now you would need to give your kid a 20$#I understand inflation okay? I am just taken off guard rn and having realizations#Iâm going to add to this post again. when I say wildly varied vintage prices I mean WILDLY varied#one dude was trying to sell it on Amazon for 55$ but on eBay it was 4 to 5$#I bought the next three books in the series from that same print. signed. for 13$ together#I had older editions of those and wanted a full series of just the ones that were being re-released during my reading time
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Canât talk now, Iâm making PokĂ©balls
#^My way of announcing that there's no Weekly TV Guide this week lol#I still haven't Quite gotten the hang of balancing everything#Spent the beginning of the day doodling baby VUX and then got Very sidetracked with an impromptu papercraft#I don't even expect it to be cool or impressive I just Want To Do It#I'm practicing cutting things out because I'm still not good at it leave me alone lol#I had such plans to make digital art today.........and then Pokemon Papercrafts...........#Papercrafts in general really I looked up a bunch and got hit with Impulsivity Beam of Make PokeDex and Mini Books and Pokeballs#I'm just really itching for physical Pokemon stuff rn I want to make badges and more little Pokemon cards like the ones I made a while ago#But less intensive and also printing double sided is a Pain lol - maybe when I get an actual double-printing printer lol#If they end up being cool I'll post them lol and if not well at least I'm having fun#Hopefully maybe some digital art as well I still have expression memes to do! I just haven't been warming up!!!! Heck!!!!#Which is to say I haven't been drawing at all lol I don't skip my warmups sometimes that's All I do :'D#Want To Make - Believe Me#Just a matter of Actually Doing - Want to!!!!!! Motivation there!!!! Focus...........#I'd say it feels bad but no I feel good and not guilty for having fun lol
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maybe i should have gone into practical effects instead of computer science...
#when i was in middle school i used to use red and black pens + spit for blending to make it look like the backs of my hands were torn open#i can't believe it's almost 4am. i just spent 5 hours typing up an essay about MM's erik that i just fuckin privated bc i was embarrassed#AND I STILL NEVER SPELL HIS NAME RIGHT THE FIRST TIME AAAAAAAA#i was right but im going to save all my points for the fanfic im currently planning out and promptly NEVER GOING TO ACTUALLY WRITE#I say shoving my plans for my h2o s3 rewrite off the table#yes i skipped from s2 to s3 i had a BRILLIANT idea [season 3 h2o spoilers ahead be wary my mutuals who are still watching]#okay so you know how lewis goes to the american institute of marine bio in the middle of 3? since this is tied to my s2 rewrite fic i wante#to actually finally reasonably re-introduced dr denman to the story because i never liked that she just fucked off at the end of s1#despite WITNESSING the moon pool magic. so i made it so she runs into lewis while doing a presentation for the college and they have a chat#(because her JAW paper plays an important part in my s2 rewrite bc i imagine lewis is the kind of guy who SAYS he deleted every copy of#it... but ACTUALLY he secretly printed himself out a copy to study in private to compare to his own notes bc#[lewis voice] come *on* guys just THINK of the progress that he could make with this! [grabby hands in front of chest])#so yeah they have a chat and Linda kind of gives Lewis the opposite dilemma in s3 that Louise gives him in s1 about science and magic#since SHE knows about the moon pool and has been biding her time and she knows Lewis knows and Lewis is like ah... uh oh.#it will eventually tie into the idea it's not about forcing science and magic together or separating them#its abt respectfully and responsibly utilizing both to see their fullest potential. which lewis learned in s2 and Linda has... not.#BUT#later on she gets a call from 1 (one) ryan who is like 'hey so i heard u did environmental studies on mako for dr bennett a couple years ag#and i was wondering if you've seen anything weird there as im currently doing a-' and she's immediately like 'YOU SON OF A BITCH IM IN'#and he's like 'wha-' and she's like 'i have already booked my plane tickets we're going to have a great time we have lots to talk about :)'#and wheeee now they have someone who knows about mermaids on their team and it's the perfect way to bring lewis back to relevancy in s3 :D#it also gives me reason to have two bad bitches (linda and sophie) meet and get to know each other which is not a dynamic ive seen in#any of the H2O fics i've ever read so im very hyped to delve into how they'll play off each other#also charlotte is there so technically three bad bitches (only in my au Charlotte never lost her tail and is part of the gang she just move#because she felt like she needed to leave to really be able to find herself without being in her grandmother's shadow but she comes back bc#well... it's season 3 mako is sounding the fucking emergency alarms everyone is showing up sdkghkfjhg)#im also so so so hyped to show u guys who's coming back in the s2 rewrite because it ISNT denman and i think everyone thinks it will be :3c#(i said she when telling ppl to look forward to a familiar face... but can u blame me for getting hype she's one of my favorite characters!#i love u H2O#cruddy rambles
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This one is titled "I needed to urgently work on a presentation* so instead**, I somehow spent my whole day doing fuck all instead and the evening listening to Laura's Buam and consequently experiencing the whole spectrum of human emotions over the span of like, four to six songs" and goes out to @mondscheinprinzessin, naturally, for dragging me into this band.
#* for a subject I actively hate with a burning passion#**knowing it will lead to me crying for the x-th time this semester over being stressed and losing#my last bits of motivation for my studies that I once was very passionate about + general other life stuff i can't cope with anymore#the first one means i read the wikipedia page of passau and we all know once you google stuff related to the band but unrelated to#their music it's all over#i'm so glad i know fuck all about them otherwise or i'd be stopping myself from hopping on over to ao3#i'd love to know what makes me want to read/write fanfic about a band or book or show or whatever.#with blind channel it was there very quickly; with lost society i still don't care; with bojan/kÀÀrija i'm interested in the authors more#than the fics; and with lonely spring it's like hmmmm. no urge to look if there's fanfic about them found anywhere in my brain.#anyway laura tell your buam to stop making sad music! they have to stop with these far too relatable lyrics!#should i just print this out and take it to my therapy appointment on friday?#mine#lauras buam#lonely spring#ich hab gedacht passau wĂ€r ne groĂstadt aber nein da wohnen 50.000 leute und es ist halb so groĂ wie dornbirn und#nur viermal so groĂ wie mein dorf â #und ein viertel von den leuten sind studenten. die stadt muss im sommer so tot sein wie innsbruck#PASSAU IST KLEINER ALS INNSBRUCK. 35 KM^2 KLEINER. wtf. how. warum hab ich gedacht das wĂ€r ne groĂstadt#aber ich könnte vor meiner haustĂŒr in den inn hĂŒpfen und mich bis passau treiben lassen. laura pspsps wie wĂ€rs mit passau auf der nĂ€chsten#tour statt augsburg? die stadt liegt genau an einem groĂen fluss bzw zusammenlauf von drei flĂŒssen mit drei verschiedenen farben
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if i had a printer i would be unstoppable
#as it is i am crumpled at the bottom of this mountain#sisyphus may be happy but i am not#i just want to print out all these little ideas and turn them into a little Quilt Ideas book#and i could print all the other little books i have half done#i starts a compilation of the magnus archive statements#and one of the feast days from the hidden almanac#and i wouldnât mind having my own fics printed#but i was really envisioning this quilt idea#but i am three hours of work in and three failed attempts#and copying out inages using the phone is hell#because if you breath on it the screen reacts#and i am too scared to do it on the laptop screen anymore#but it would have been so cool#i have another idea for a mini book but at least i can do that by hand#because i might as well waste all my time right#stupidly upset about this#but itâs probably cumulative upsetness because i have been having a day week month idek#anyway in another life i have a little book of quilt ideas#and i am making little quilts#but for now i have my prompts tag#anyway okay bai i should. do anything else.#oh wow okay#this has been a rant#randomness
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The unexpected side effect of spending a week around other mature secure adults who have healthy boundaries and communication and have been hand picked by my closest friends to be the best and healthiest people they can be, all of whom genuinely like me and communicate their needs, is returning back to my apartment and realizing just how different shit is hereâŠ. Like damn I know Iâm moving out in ten days and so so so happy but wow, it was fucking NIGHT and DAY seeing how people are supposed to act I didnât realize how different my college friends were, it makes me so much more excited for this next leg of my life and my move!
#I donât want to be like#Iâm not like other girls#but#fucking hell#spending a week with secure people well into their careers who have been in stable long term friendships and relationships#and have LEARNED how to communicate with others#and coming home to my post grad college student apartment with five peopleâŠ. itâs different#like ik everyone is a train wreck before their brain fully develops#but god damn Iâm done with the college lifestyle Iâm done with decorating printed out amongus memes and watching my roomates order dominos#or make boxed Mac and cheese for every meal and having to listen to conversations about their job at Whole Foods and be passive agressive#about literally everything and just not know how to communicate with other people their needs and boundaries and have every thing I do feel#like itâs being judged for breathing#like man#Iâm a teacher looking ag grad schools and a board member of a nonprofit org- my interests include buying books and going to bed at 10:00#this sounds soooo much like âIâm not like other girlsâ of being in your early 20âs#but being with my friends who I made as an adult based on my own interests and passions as a person is just so much easier because everyone#and everyone is PAST that phase and has DONE all the unpacking and Is knowledgeable about their own emotions and needs and wants#itâs just so different and Iâm so so so glad I made the call to fucking move#like wow#I was so unsure of my decision because itâs scary moving in a different direction#but no Iâm feeling SO good#and itâs so much more fun to do trashy shit with classy people where it FEELS safe and fun and good#like DAMN I am SO wanted and SO loved and SO appreciated by the people in my life that I chose to be arround#so why wouldnât I chose to be arround those people more#I love my college friends but Iâm not at that point in my life anymore
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learning new skills is FUN. (<- actively banging head on table)
#ok i AM having fun but also look at all my sad failed/test signatures :(((#im going to have to figure out how to recycle these cuts there are simply So Many#this doesn't even include the stay random fucksd up pages i have as well#and trust me there will be more bc i have to figure out how to fix the margins on a typeset that i didn't make#i don't even want to think about that anymore though#on the bright side!!! i only have like one thing left before i have reached the point with stl that i can actually OFFICIALLY#print all of the signatures!!!!#I've returned to only doing 1 book as I've i fixed that margins the page count webt from 931 pages to 707 pages :'))))#which is HUGE#cus eiat is 718 pages currently and i was only going to do 1 book for it so!!!#also need to figure out how to.... embroider........ for that one.........#bc naturally i love making things hard for myself <3#anyways#I'm going to take a break from using my brain now#shh ac#adventures in bookbinding
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chapter 5, page 41
first - previous - next
[image description: an sac webcomic page. âi was literally mid-sentance, what was that for- and theyâre gone. greatâ jade says, turns around to face where split was, angrily. â...woahâ says lewis, looking back. âWell that's the second time we've been booted out of a place by a friend with some weird eye thing going on, and hopefully that's not a sign.â jade says, turned back over to lewis. âwas that, uh, fast travel?â lewis asks, holding the not bloody corner of the business card in his mouth to sign. âno, she canât teleport, he just pauses time. lucky bastard. what was faer deal anyway? we donât have time for this shit!â she continues. âactually i... i got the addressâ lewis responds, handing over the business card. âthe creepy guy in the back gave it to me after i bit himâ. he continues. âthatâs great! no time to waste, letâs- iâm sorry, you bit him??â end id]
I so badly want to print this comic but thereâs so many things i need to do first and the start of that list is âfigure out what things i need to doâ.
also looking into making washi tape, pins, and keychains which are much simpler to make but still kinda pricy.
#sac#someone always cares#if you ever see me having an actual phone number thats because its not real and one of the numbers thats reserved for#tv shows and shit that arent real numbers#however i am trusting wikipedia on that i am not fact checking#email.com is apparently a real email place though?#also the things i need to do include spell checking all the previous pages because im bad at spelling and idk where i can pay someone else#to do that because i probably wont be able to do that myself#the other things include: making sure i can even use the pages for print comics#checking all the pages to make sure all the dark scenes are legible and the colours work well in the conversion from rgb to cmyk#and fixing the ones that dont#adding page numbers and bonus pages and little details#need to go back and tweak a few things also i have a list for that#also figure out how kickstarter works#hopefully by then i will also figure out how overseas shipping works#thinking of starting book 1 with chapters 1/2/3 because that feels best to me#also mayyybeee redoing the prologue. i dont want to remake any pages but those ones are. particularly bad
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August: Day 8
Adventures
Went to a thrift store and the library's used bookshop.
Bought a copy of Around the World in 80 Days that looks more readable than my current copy (so long as it's not an abridged children's edition). May make a new cover for it.
Bought a book about the basics of astronomy. If I'm going to write about an astronomer, I need to know a tiny bit, and this looks like it's written for idiots with short attention spans, so it'll be great for me.
Bought the coolest pop-up book I've ever seen. For a quarter. I'll have to show you guys pictures.
Treated myself to Youtube videos about Victorian literature. Indulged in a few Gutenberg downloads. Read the first chapter of Lady Audley's Secret and this may derail all my reading plans until I finish.
Accomplishments
Read a few chapters of Heretics. Am now halfway done.
Tire. Twice.
Signed up for a CPR refresher course
#adventures in august#the pop-up book is about prehistoric animals and it's so cool#a mammoth head comes straight out of the page#multiple huge dinosaurs#most of the pages have little flaps that unfold into mini popup books#that library book shop has the lowest prices of my usual haunts#but they usually jack up the price of anything cool#i fully expected to see this cost a minimum of five bucks#and while it was cool i couldn't justify that#so the .25 tag was shocking#thought i'd misread it#did they mean to print 2.50?#nope all it took was one measly quarter#i could lose that in a parking lot and not notice it#and i got this masterful piece of pop-up art#tbh i didn't want to make the bookstore today's adventure but this was so worth it#oh also the cpr course was a gift#i had just been thinking i was due for one#and was going to look one up yesterday and forgot#only to come into work and find out they're hosting one there#felt like god was looking out for me today
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If you ever decide to make iaby into an actual book, I will totally buy it like no matter what! đ
I want to smother you with cuddlesđ„ș
Sooooo Iâm actually in the process of going through the chapters with a proper editing process for the entire series fixing grammar, flow of sentences/scenes, and adding in more scenes I wish I had to begin with and once Iâm done I will absolutely be uploading it to be printed into a book with Lulu. No idea how that process will be but I will be updating on here when Iâm ready for it to be printed and see about how to get copies to people who want them.
Also means I will need to figure out a cover⊠which Iâm totally at a loss with what to do for that
#iaby is massive tho so I donât know how possible it is to get it into a book#more cost effective to do one book#or one a season#or one book for every 2 seasons?#thereâs also a pretty easy diy process to print out and make your own hardcover books?#so Iâm definitely figuring out the cheapest way to do this#but I want to!!#once Iâm done editing and can know exactly what Iâm working with#I can figure out the math of it all and what will be best#I saw the post about lulu when I first finished iaby#and a few people talked about wanting a copy#and Iâm just fucking speechless that you want a copy too#đ„șđ„ș#answered#iaby#iaby physical copy
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my bf after reading one romance novel
#it wasnât even that much of a romance it was just romantic#can you imagine what heâll be like after i make him read real smut?#anyway#i have the biggest smile on my face#i told my bf to read one of my favorite books and this week he finally got around to it#and he loved it#he finished it in three days and he took his first ever lunch break at work to stop and read it#(heâs a very busy restaurant manager and doesnât do breaks)#he finished it last night and ordered me a very expensive out of print edition of it for our bookshelf#and i got home from work and he was all excited to talk about it and pick out his next book#and now all of a sudden he wants to redecorate our bookshelf#anyway itâs a cute feeling to pull someone out of their reading slump#diary
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