#and coming home to my post grad college student apartment with five people…. it’s different

[just-rogi]

The unexpected side effect of spending a week around other mature secure adults who have healthy boundaries and communication and have been hand picked by my closest friends to be the best and healthiest people they can be, all of whom genuinely like me and communicate their needs, is returning back to my apartment and realizing just how different shit is here…. Like damn I know I’m moving out in ten days and so so so happy but wow, it was fucking NIGHT and DAY seeing how people are supposed to act I didn’t realize how different my college friends were, it makes me so much more excited for this next leg of my life and my move!

[hayesit]

matt’s 2019 year in review

here it is! and it’s late because i had other/better things to do (and procrastinating), was recovering from hangovers (also procrastinating), and recovering from being sick (procrastinating).

i’ve been doing these year in review posts since 2016, so here is my fourth installment. every year i look back through my google calendar, my camera roll, and my bullet journal as a gratitude exercise and to chart my own development as an adult. 

here is my spotify wrapped 2019!

the beginning of this year was off to a good start: i met two friends that i know through the internet! i met my friend riley when she visited boston (i met her through a mutual friend and through overwatch league twitter) and my friend jimmy that i’ve known for…. 6 or 7 years (?!) through tumblr and designed the logo for me and alex’s late podcast, hardly tea, may she rest in peace. 

i moved dorm rooms in between the fall and spring semester, and once again i was not happy with where i lived. i lived with 4 rando’s that i was placed with and the 5 of us barely even talked with each other. my direct roommate i saw for only two weeks, and for the nights he slept over in the bed (that he was paying room and board for) and had the worst snoring humanly possible that not even earplugs could kill (video below). i hardly slept while he was there and roamed the halls of riverview suites like a ghost due to the anxiety i felt about my lack of sleep (we love a vicious circle)! he disappeared after those two weeks without notice and i lived in fear of him returning for the rest of the semester (which he didn’t), but returned to my normal sleep schedule. 

that semester was my first semester of full-time grad school. i got a poor grade on an assignment that had a note from the professor that said she knew i could do better and it hit me how much different grad school is from undergrad and how much more effort and dedication it requires. after crying in my professor’s office, my work ethic has improved since then, but it’s not anywhere near where i’d like it to be (more on that later). 

now to more positive things for the spring semester: i met some friends that semester both ~on and offline~ that made the semester far more bearable AND i did however truly pop off in every last one of my powerpoint presentations for class. i looooove making powerpoints and just fuckin telling jokes about my research topic and have ppl tell me that they are looking forward to my presentation & that i should teach college classes :)!

me and 4 friends had a social group in which we’d drink and play board games and forget about the board game and drunkenly talk shit called cabam after all our first initials! i always looked forward to that and dug the group chemistry a lot.

during this semester i grew a   “ beard “, otherwise known as i chose not to shave just to  “ see what would happen “ (praythatitfilledin). sorry about that!

the overwatch league was something that i had to look forward to watch every week and i had my experience enhanced through sideshow and avast’s unofficial companion streams, which guaranteed lots of laughs. i have bought tickets to two boston home games in 2020 which i am very excited about! analysts have predicted boston to be in 20th place this year (there are 20 teams) but i’m still excited for the 2020 season anyway!!

i can’t have a year-in-review of 2019 without mentioning game of thrones. due to the show’s final season being undeniably weak, i enjoyed the camaraderie with the other people that watched thrones during those six weeks. i haven’t thought about the show or its universe for quite a while, unfortunately. i truly was quite into the world of westeros, but the weakness of the end of the story cheapened the journey of each of the characters, in a way. such a shame.

while i got my diploma in december 2018, i walked across the stage of umass lowell’s tsongas arena with my bachelor of arts in psychology (and minor in theatre arts). it wasn’t as emotional or triumphant of an experience and just felt weird, considering i had already gotten my diploma and was going to remain in the clutches of rowdy the riverhawk as i am staying for my masters degree in applied behavior analysis/autism studies. i brought a ceramic monkey to graduation. it didn’t have any symbolism, but i just wanted to see if they’d stop me (which they didn’t)

 this summer was better than most summers of mine go, i hung out with alex nearly every weekend, got my very first iphone, and got a data plan. the combination of these three things got me back into playing pokemon go, an unexpectedly fun pastime! went on lots of walks!

my favorite day of summer was going to a lake with alex and our friend gianna, who i grew closer to after meeting her during macbeth last year. fond 2019 memories with gianna include: doing simulation patients with her, watching movies with her and alex, and the halloween party. what a great gd person and a great gd friend! big fan and eternally rooting for her. 

fire emblem: three houses came out on the switch in august and is, without a doubt, my game of the year. there’s truly so much to love about the game: the world, the characters, new changes made to the series, things that were gone but returned, interesting micromanaging, and best of all, how huge my brain feels when playing it. 

i got a 6-week summer job as a paraprofessional at an extended-school-year program for children with developmental disabilities at a preschool in haverhill which taught me a lot of lessons, such as: i hate cleaning shit off of children.

then i had feelings that didn’t make much sense for about a month! whoops!

my full-time job i currently have is working at my old high school as a behavior specialist. i provide consultation and work on programs to lead to more appropriate behavior in students, primarily ones with developmental disabilities. so far it’s been fairly rewarding, some days are more challenging than others, some days are a lot of sitting in meetings, and some days are a lot of running around. some days there is not much to do at all, which has its obvious upsides and downsides. working at the high school isn’t something that i want to do forever, but it’s a good place to start with. i’m definitely learning a lot and there are a lot of benefits to working here. sometimes i can work on my grad school work (which is all online until the 2020 summer semester) which is definitely huge. and my commute is either a 15 minute walk or 3 minutes if my mom drives me! 

a ~complex~ thing about working in my hometown is that it makes the most financial sense to live at home because it’s so close to work. this is my first time living at home full-time since high school and i’m not enjoying that part too much. most weekends i visit alex in lowell, but being stuck at home with no car (going to retake the license test in the spring when the ice melts!) and having to go to bed so early definitely hurts. sure, i have what is likely the lowest amount of expenses i’ll ever have in my life (no car-related payments, no rent, no groceries), but i feel landlocked. i feel like a teenager with minimal freedom, which is in part because my mom doesn’t quite understand yet that i’m a 22 year-old that should have a lot more freedom than i do now. the most i really do on weekdays after work gets out (2:30p) is go to savers with my mom if it’s tuesday (senior citizen day), maybe go for a walk if it’s nice out (which for most of the school year, it isn’t), or be on the computer watching bon appetit videos and playing overwatch, fire emblem, or pokemon, eat a bland dinner at 6, go to bed at around 9:30. sad! truly not a situation that i want to be trapped in that much that much longer!

i think the best and most important part of this year was becoming closer with alex. as i mentioned before, we see each other most weekends, to our great benefit. our living situations have flip-flopped, with me living at home and alex living in an apartment near campus, which in both similar and different ways have taken their respective tolls on us. having each other while going through changes and stagnations in our lives has been immeasurably important. thank you alex for providing a place to be myself other than my own head. thank you for being my best friend. 

now i come to the thing that i’m most excited about for 2020. not 2 suck my own horn but i have cobbled together a fuckin dream team of five friends (me, alex, chris, kelly, and molly). the two times we have all gotten together it has been so satisfying in such a wonderful and otherworldly way that i am filled to the brim of happiness being around them. the craziest thing is that i met chris and kelly through twitter! TWITTER. and they’re real-ass people and my real-ass friends! i haven’t been so pleased with something in my life like this for so long and it feels so good to have adult friends that i have chosen rather than friends by circumstance. it’s truly a crime that we can’t see each other more often, but we already have a day picked out for the next time we all do something together. feeling emotional writing this paragraph bc i love me gd friends so much!

there is a lot of uncertainty about this new year for me. i sure as fuck don’t want to live at home more than i have to but don’t know where to go, my practicum class starts for me this summer which means i’ll most likely have to change jobs (fine by me, but will be exhausting), i recently began my search for therapists and hope to find one soon to help me ~unpack things~, my thesis begins in the fall semester and i don’t know what to do for it, and i’m not 100% dead-set on working in special education. it’s been hard transitioning from living on campus and going to school full-time to the life i have now. 

[1dfangirls35]

Voir Dire (NH):

A fake dating OU about contracts, soulmates, and risking it all for love.

one

two

Kelsey hated being late. And today she was late, later then she had ever been to her shift at Manhattan, the up-scale and overpriced bar in Los Angeles that she had been employed at for nearly three months now.

She knew she would be cutting it close, but you couldn't exactly tell your current boss that you might be late because you are interviewing for a slightly better paying job now could you?

It wasn't the type of job Kelsey had ever imagined applying for, but considering the extremely high cost of living in Los Angeles, and her extremely low wages as a bartender at the Manhattan (even including the very generous tips), she hadn't had much of a choice. These days her own earnings were all that were getting her by, and by getting by she meant living on a diet of mainly ramen noodles and cereal. 

"How was the interview?" Maya, Kelsey's favorite co-worker, asked as Kelsey slid behind the grey granite-topped bar to begin slicing limes. Maya was the only one that knew about the interview and Kelsey wanted to keep it that way, especially with the way her luck was turning out these days.

Kelsey had always considered herself lucky. She had been blessed with supportive parents, fantastic friends, and a will to do whatever she set her mind to. She had it all together...until she didn't.

Like some stroke of bad luck, Kelsey had went from a girl with a picture perfect family to a girl whose family was being ripped apart by an affair. She went from the girl who had the most tight-knit group of friends the world had seen, to a disastrous falling out with her best friend over the boy Kelsey had always pictured herself walking down the aisle to. And to put the icing on the cake, Kelsey had went from the girl with every academic accomplishment in the book, to a girl that wasn't accepted into law school because of her extremely poor LSAT score.

So Kelsey found herself three months post-college graduation, working as a bartender, living alone in the big city of Los Angeles, just trying to find ways to make ends meet so that maybe in a year she would be accepted into her dream law school- Stanford University. The bartending job was only supposed to be temporary, but considering the lack of lucky breaks in Kelsey's recent life, she was beginning to think the gig might be slightly more permanent.

Kelsey shrugged as she turned to Maya. "It went fine, but you know if it doesn't work out it doesn't work out." Kelsey moved on to unloading the dishwasher, the heat of the glass leaving a slight sting on her fingertips.

"You're going to get into law school Kelsey. I know you will," Maya set a hand of encouragement on Kelsey's shoulder, before joining in the joyous task of unloading glasses. "I mean think of all the connections you've made so far, the Manhattan clientele are not your average Joe's."

Maya was in fact right about that. The Manhattan was exclusive in every form of the word. Instead of a bar filled with drunk college students, raging alcoholics or lonely old men, it was filled with CEOs, celebrities and those of the upper class looking for a drink to take the edge off.

And Kelsey had made connections. She'd served a bottle of $300 wine to one of the top estate lawyers in the city, called a cab for the defense attorney of choice for celebrity "mishaps", she'd even run into a few politicians- Stanford law grads themselves.

They'd tipped nicely, they'd asked her what had brought her to the city, they'd even offered their words of wisdom a few times. But were they going to take the girl in the bar pouring their precious drinks seriously? Did they really believe this girl had what it took to get into law school? Absolutely not- they'd go back home, to their wives or their coworkers and they'd laugh about the bartender who thought mixing drinks was going to be her gateway into winning cases.

"I'm just trying to be realistic," Kelsey sighed, reaching to pull her chocolate brown hair into a knot at the nape of her neck. 

"When did realism get anyone anywhere," Maya said with a roll of her brown eyes. Maya was a dreamer. Like many people that came to Los Angeles, Maya had made the journey in hopes of getting her big break in music. She was good; a gifted singer, but in a place like Los Angeles being good wasn't good enough, you had to have connections. Despite the numerous demos Maya had snuck into the hands of Manhattan patrons against the explicit rules of management, she had yet to recieve her big break. 

"Speaking of 'realism'," Maya laughed. "The AMA's are coming up this weekend. Think we will get anyone good at the bar?"

Kelsey laughed. "You wish."

"I'm telling you girl, one day Beyonce herself is going to walk through these doors and get her hands on one of my highly prized demos. Mark my words." Kelsey rolled her eyes at her friend's daydream. Maya wouldn't want to be hanging out with someone as unlucky as Kelsey if she wanted that to happen.

"Opening in five ladies," Tom, the head bouncer announced from his perch in front of the glass double doors. Kelsey and Maya nodded in understanding.

"Maybe Beyonce's waiting outside those doors?" Kelsey joked.

"Now who's the dreamer," Maya laughed and the two began a busy night of mixing drinks. 

***********************

Niall Horan was not an unfriendly guy. In fact, Niall prided himself on being one of the most down-to-earth celebrities- someone that would strike up a conversation with anyone. The last thing he wanted to be seen as was a diva.

But yet as he sat at the table across from a beautiful girl, with blonde-hair curled in perfectly symmetric waves, he couldn't even bring himself to form as much as a smile. He couldn't find the words to form a single polite question. All he could do was stare, and think about how he had even gotten himself into this mess, seated at a table with a girl that he knew absolutely nothing about.

Her name was Krystal Hoffman, and he was supposed to be in love with her. There was nothing obviously wrong with Krystal; she was pretty, polite, and confident. Although Niall had only met her a few minutes ago, he could already tell she wasn't someone that wouldn't be intimidated by the spotlight. He knew that because of the way she had looked him straight in the eyes when they shook hands and the way she had boldly introduced herself to each and every member of the Capitol team. Niall supposed it had something to do with the fact that she was an aspiring actress.

There was nothing wrong with Krystal except for the one thing that was completely wrong-she wasn't the love of Niall's life like she was pretending to be. She was a means to his end, a publicity stunt. Much like he would be the same to her, a way to get noticed.

Krystal cleared her throat, obviously seeking to break the awkward silence that has fallen between the two. "So the AMA's are this weekend right? I'm sure that's a pretty big deal."

Niall nodded politely. "Yup."

"Why do I get the feeling you don't like me very much?" Krystal asked bluntly, her eyes didn't waver as they caught Niall's gaze.

Niall sighed. This is what he didn't want to happen. It was the first day and the girl already thought he hated her. "It's not that I don't like you, to be honest I don't even know you. I just don't like the idea of you, you know a fake girlfriend and all."

"Don't worry, this is strictly business for me as well. I'm just trying to make my big break is all." Krystal offered Niall a polite smile. Niall could tell the poor girl was trying, I mean it couldn't be easy, being thrown in a room with a pop star and told to get to know them. Most people would be afraid to even ask as much as a question. He had to at least give her that, she was trying.

"Well let's start with the facts. Better get brushed up on these sorts of things before the red carpet," Niall sighs, flipping over to the first page in the one inch packet that more so resembled a small novel. He watched Krystal's eyes go wide at the mention of the red carpet. He supposed a word that had come to be the norm for him was likely a dream of hers. After all it had been his once too- heading to awards shows dressed to the nines.

That dream seemed like a distant memory to him now. His reality was far different than he had ever pictured it all those years ago when he had first applied for the X-Factor. If you had told him he'd be studying facts about a fake girlfriend before heading to the red carpet he would have laughed in your face.

"So according to my sheet we met on the set of my unreleased music video," Niall began, his eyes scanning the black font on the page. The papers in his hand hold a lot more information than he would have imagined. Making up a fake relationship required a lot more planning than Niall ever thought.

"The sparks were flying from the moment we started filming," Krystal added. Niall didn't see this on his paper but he nodded at it anyway. They must have picked the right girl for the job if she could make stuff like that off the fly with such ease. He could also now assume that his music video and first single have been pre-picked for him. Yet another thing out of his control.

"Do you have experience with this? This whole being a fake girlfriend thing?" Niall asked suddenly. He had the bad habit of saying whatever came to his mind, sometimes not with the best of timing.

"I've never been someone's fake girlfriend before no," Krystal laughed, twirling a strand of her long blonde hair through her fingers. "But I'm an actress, so it's really just another role for me."

"I'm sure you'll be great," Niall said with a polite smile, and Krystal returned her gaze to the papers in front of her.

"So where am I from?" Krystal asked.

"'cuse me?" Niall asks, not quite understanding why Krystal was asking him where she was from. He didn't know that, he'd only just met the girl.

"You've got to know where your girlfriend's from silly," Krystal giggled. "You have a lot of studying to do."

Niall sighed. "Guess I do." The idea of having to study facts about someone else was enough to make him cringe. Why couldn't they just play the whole unconfirmed relationship card? Why did the whole stunt have to be so detailed?

"Think we better call it for the day, I've got some people I need to meet with," Niall said, standing from the table and pushing in his chair.

Krystal stood as well, pulling down her mini skirt and then fluffing her hair. "Well it was nice to finally meet you, boyfriend."

Niall offered his hand out for a polite handshake. Krystal instead crosses the gap between him and brings them into a hug. "If your gonna play the part, I'm afraid your going to have to show a little more affection than a handshake."

Krystal pulled away. "See you Saturday then."

"See you Saturday," Niall replied with a polite wave. He hoped Saturday would never come.

****************

Combined chapters 2 & 3 from my Wattpad version, so if you’ve ever looked there don’t be confused!

[s0mebodyto-love]

finsta

a/n: I’m back with a Ben fic to output my emotions about real life things lmao so here you go!! My actual experience ends with the post, so I’m hoping something actually happens lmaoooo. Here’s college!Ben with some childhood friendship and some fluff thrown in too.

WC: 1750

Every Thursday night, the bar right across the street from the bus station hosts a karaoke night, and on many an occasion you find yourself there with your little crew. It’s you, your roommate, and some of the girls you sing with in an on-campus choir for non-music majors. The drinks are cheap and everyone goes to sing and have a good time right before the weekend hits.

The little Irish pub lowers its lights and the prices of drinks, and fills quickly. Bursts of cold air blow through the door as it opens and shuts, regulars going in and out to smoke and college students pouring in.

You and you friends swagger in, wrists donning loose orange paper bands showing that you’re the right age remain inside and order drinks. You get a beer, while the others in your group sip on vodka crans and ciders, and you all commandeer a table towards the raised dining area acting as the stage tonight.

At this specific location, karaoke can be anything. Throughout the night, you see people singing their hearts out to Disney, ABBA, and Fifth Harmony. Anything goes, and everyone is singing everything. It even comes down to a group of nearly thirty-somethings singing “I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 29” that leaves you in stitches as you sing along.

However, the song you sing hits a little bit more towards home than you expected.

This week has already been a little bit rough. You’ve been on your period, and you reminded yourself of your on-again-off-again feelings for someone back at home… Ben Jones. You’ve known each other since the earlier days of schooling, back when you were 10 years old and him 11. Over the years, it snuck on you slowly just how much you liked him. Your families get along, and have known each other just as long as you two have.

You don’t talk a lot, and most of that has to do with the fact you go to different universities.

But whenever you’re both home, you find yourselves sitting at a high-top at the local coffee shop or shoved into a tiny booth at a local restaurant to sit, eat, and talk for three hours at a time, at the very least. There’s no one else you’ve ever been able to do anything like this with, and that’s made a large impact on your love life.

Any attempt at a date with anyone else is a comparison to Ben.

So this week, karaoke. Right.

You sang Maroon 5’s “Payphone”, rather poorly but you kicked major ass at the rap (which no one expected), and you got to sing it while an old flame from freshman year was in the room.

“Whatever happened,” you wonder, “to those plans we made for two? A load of bullcrap.”

~*~*~

The crowd tapers off from the pub around 1 AM, as a pair of girls sing Madonna’s “Like a Prayer” and as your crew decides to venture into the cold drizzle to get late-night pizza. At this point, you’re tipsy, two of your friends are drunk, and the last two of your friends are sober.

The pizza parlor is packed with college students leaving other bars in groups of 5-6 and pack into booths with the steam still rising from slices of pizza. Your crew stands in the front and orders, then moves into a similar booth and get to talking about anything and everything.

And you get to talking about Ben, after talking about a different date you went on that was okay but clearly was no comparison to the boy you know from home.

“He’s just… everything I guess? My person?” your rambling begins.

“I don’t know, he’s just always been one of my good friends, he knows my family, he’s known me forever… If I’m still attracted to him after all his bad hair phases, I think that means something?” You bring up pictures on your phone too, trying to make the point that one you two would be so good looking together, and two he’s just so attractive to you and you absolutely have to show that off to anyone who will listen.

“Like, see?” They do.

The conversation moves forward after that, but you’re stuck. As you always have been.

You’re quiet the rest of the night, your thoughts stuck throughout the car ride back to campus.

As soon as you and your roommate walk through the door to your apartment, you book it to your bathroom; no longer shared after one of your other roommates moved out at the end of last semester.

Drunk you pees, then sits on your phone for five minutes, typing away on a caption for the finsta post you know Ben will have access to, but unsure if he’d ever read it.

i know you can see this and i hope i’m making this obvious enough. because here is where im most open, and if i don’t get it out now im afraid i wont. liquid courage. its you. it has been you since i realized i cant spend three hours with anyone else in a starbucks and get away with it. no one compares to you, and no one will. and i get you probably don’t feel the same. but if i don’t say anything i know ill regret it. youre the person i see when im singing all these dumb fucking love songs, and im sorry. and here i am, i guess. im sorry. ignore this, or maybe tell me what you think. im sorry.

You smash period and enter repeatedly so the block of text isn’t the focus of the finsta feed, and post.

It’s like in “We Bought a Zoo”. Twenty seconds of courage, even if it’s the liquid kind.

~*~*~

The next day sees no response from Ben, and you’re not surprised. He’s not on social media often enough, let alone that he’d actually see your drunk post. But you let it be, because you’re almost afraid to know what his response is.

A week passes by, and still nothing. Your friends are wondering about it too, and you have no updates for them.

And you’re too afraid to text him.

Friday night sees you driving four hours home, and mid-drive it appears.

[@yourfinsta] @bennieandthejones has liked your photo

And then, a text.

I think we need to talk. When are you home again?

Your heart pounds, and before you can think about it, you call him.

Within one ring, he picks up.

“Hello?”

“I’m literally driving home right now. I have a busy day tomorrow, but I can squeeze you in at noon-ish. Lunch?” Your voice shakes a little, but then so does his.

“Um, yeah. Okay. Usual place?”

“Yeah, I think this calls for real food and ice cream.”

“Ok, I’ll see you then. And y/n?”

“Yeah?”

He pauses, hesitant and unsure of what he wants to say.

“Nevermind, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He hangs up, and your heart starts pounding again. That night at home, your sleep is rough but you make it through.

~*~*~

At 12:03, you arrive at the local diner you and Ben frequent when you catch up. He’s already sitting in a booth, wearing a maroon sweater and dark wash jeans. You slide into the bench opposite him.

“Hey.” You greet him.

“Greet” he says in response. An inside joke, a good start you suppose.

“So… I guess I have some explaining to do?” you ask, and he nods.

“It’s just… I want you to know I don’t want to force you into any of this. I was drunk and when I’m drunk, a lot of my feelings come out whether or not they should. And that’s what happened that night. And you’re stuck in this because of that. I’ve had these feelings on and off for years, which is why I never really pursued it. But recently… I felt those feelings really strongly, especially after I ended up on a date and then I realized that all I really wanted was for it to be you, and not this random grad student I went out with.” You take a deep breath.

“Long story short, I think I’ve liked you longer than I actually know. And not telling you was kind of killing me. Please respond.”

Ben looks at you very seriously, closed fists pressed against his chin and elbows propped up on the table. He takes a minute to think, and the minute starts to feel closer to an hour. He starts speaking slowly.

“Did you know”, he questions, “that I started having feelings for you back in high school? You were dating that kid from the high school in the town over, and I remember feeling this immense jealousy because it should have been me. That never went away, and I remember you two breaking up because college was looming and I knew that starting something wasn’t a good idea. I was leaving too, how could I ask you to start something when I was about to leave? And then you ended up going to school far away and I couldn’t ask you to tie yourself to me when there’s so much to experience. I took what I could get, and that was this. For us. I’m sorry.”

Your eyebrows furrow together.

“You have no reason to apologize here, you goof.” You look down at the table, skin flushing slightly. Ben makes his way from his side of the booth to yours and carefully puts one arm around your shoulder, while grasping at your hand with his open one.

“I’m apologizing for not doing this sooner,” he mumbles, gazing at your lips before looking back into your eyes. “Is this okay?”

You nod yes, and verbally confirm.

“I’m good, yeah.” You whisper, leaning in closer towards him. You two are still maintaining eye contact, and your heart is pounding.

He leans in quickly, pressing his lips against yours briefly before pulling away. His lips were softer than you expected, and they were sweet too.

“Still good?” he asks, arm still around you and with no apparent plans to move back to the other side of the booth.

“More than, yeah.” A small smile is on your face, cheeks flushed and slightly bashful. You’ve never been one for PDA, and this was more than enough for you.

“Good. Where does this put us then?”

“Together, I think.”

“I like the sound of that.”

[peterjonesparker]

If you're taking prompts how about spideychelle with peter being jealous?

hello! thank you so much for sending this! i’m sorry it too me a bit to get it done! i’m currently on a road trip so i don’t have that much time. as someone who really struggles to write anything but fluff (lol), this was an interesting challenge! because jealousy is such a complicated emotion! for more angst: check out @spideyxchelle‘s jealous!peter headcanons here and here! they are soooo good!!!

also again, thanks to @accioharry for reading over this before i posted, like she always does. and check out her headcanons! and she’s cool i guess so maybe follow her?

but anyway, here’s wonderwall a fic in which peter parker has the best girlfriend. but everyone else notices too and it’s becoming an issue™ for peter. (ao3)

a short list of things peter lovesabout his life:

being spiderman, which he’s got onlock

aunt may, who hugs him when he’s sadand gives him good advice

going to mit, for which he’s payingbasically nothing thanks to financial aid and scholarships

knowing tony stark, who managed toconvince aunt may to let him live off campus after sophomore year and to lettony pay for said apartment

ned, his best friend, who’s killing itat columbia

michelle, who is, objectively, really fucking awesome, and also in lovewith him

a short list of things peter doesn’tlove about his life:

michelle is irresistible to peopleother than peter parker

peter parker gets jealous

a brief saga of thegreen eyed monster in peter parker’s life

chapter one

michellespends the night at peter’s apartment more often than not. the apartment is incambridge, so it’s close to her campus and it’s significantly less noisy thather floor in the dorm. plus, it’s nice to spend that time together especially sincethey can’t take all the same classes if they aren’t at the same colleges.frankly, peter’s life off campus has significantly improved since michellestarted partaking in it. she keeps his apartment well stocked with tea, snacks,and deli cuts because peter alwaysforgets to eat and he needs his protein.

so peter isn’ttoo surprised when he comes home to find orchids on the kitchen counter. hethinks they look pretty and seem to match with the rest of the apartment. andif michelle likes them, it’s more than alright with him. “where’d you get theflowers?” he asks when michelle comes out of the bathroom.

“oh, those?”she runs her hands over the petals gently. “my old lab partner got them for me.”she beams. “she said they reminded her of me.”

“the flowers?”peter questions, incredulous. because, really?flowers reminded her of michelle? “isn’t this the same lab partner from freshmanyear who declared her undying love for you at the end of your sciencerequirement?”

“yeah, butthat was two years ago.” michelle smiles down at the flowers before going tothe stove to heat up some water in the kettle (also courtesy of michelle). “wantsome tea?”

peter doesn’tsay anything for a few moments, just looking at her with his eyebrows drawntogether because really? flowers don’tremind you of people!! michelle scoffs, turning back to the tea. “you’re aloser.” but a few seconds later: “I’ll make you chamomile.”

chapter two

peter doesn’tthink about how great other people must find michelle again until a few weeks laterwhen he goes to surprise her after her last class of the day. he bookedreservations at that fancy greek place she’s been wanting to go to for the lastmonth. (so, tony may have helped. but peter’s not too prideful to refuse help towoo his girlfriend.) he waits outside the door as everyone slowly filters outof the classroom. but michelle doesn’t come out.

he peeks hishead in the classroom and a more basal part of him rears its ugly head.michelle is at the front of the classroom, laughing with that one TA he met atthe beginning of the semester. mark hadseemed a little too fond of michelle, considering it had been one week into theclass and she was his student. sopeter does something he will later claim that he would have done on any givenday because michelle is his girlfriend and the love of his life and he’s alwayshappy to see her.

yes, that’s precisely the reason why he walks downto the front of the classroom, wraps his arm around michelle’s waist, andkisses her before turning to mark and extending his hand in greeting. “hello, I’mmj’s boyfriend, peter.”

“I remember.”mark smiles, small and brief. peter keeps his arm around michelle, who doesn’tseem to notice any tension between the two. which is good. the last thing hewants is for his stupid jealousy to affect her in any way. he hates that it’salready affecting his actions because it’s such an old, archaic thing.

but: “I hateto break this up, but michelle, I got us reservations at that greek place youwanted to try.”

“oh mygoodness!” michelle’s face lights up and she grabs his face, kissing himquickly on the mouth. “have I ever told you that I’m in love with you?” petersmiles, dopey and bashful. because: oh mygoodness, she’s in love with me, oh my goodness, this is amazing, oh my goodness.

and then marksays quickly, “I should really get going. lots of papers to grade.” heemphasizes his point by lifting the large stack of papers in his arms. andpeter feels a bit badly now because mark has a long day ahead of him and he andmichelle were really only laughing. peter could have waited outside.

“it wasreally nice seeing you again, mark.” peter lets go of michelle for a moment toshake mark’s free hand. “hope to see you around sometime.” and a part of him istotally lying out of his ass. but a part of him also knows mark has helpedmichelle a lot in this class and made the experience so much easier. so a partof him means it.

but then markis leaving the classroom and michelle grabs his ass and bites his ear and peterdoesn’t really have the brain capacity for anything other than her at thismoment.

chapter three

peter doeshis best to avoid harvard parties. don’t get him wrong. he loves michelle andhe enjoys all the friends she’s made there. they all seem like really cool,really chill people. it’s just…well, whenever peter goes to harvard parties,someone inevitably makes him feel badly about not going to harvard. as if hewasn’t intelligent enough to get in. and he wants to punch them in the facebecause he’s fucking smart and capable and he chose to go to mit and mit’sgreat and he loves the people there and he doesn’t need to be at a school thatwas founded in the seventeenth century to be happy. but it’s usually someasshole dudebro drunk off his ass, so he doesn’t take the swing.

that’s whypeter tries to stay close to michelle whenever they do go to harvard parties.because she hangs out with her friends, who are all not asshole dudebros, andthen peter also gets to spend more time with michelle, which he never complainsabout.

it’s justthat…well…sometimes michelle gets approached at parties. for various reasons bydifferent people. he wants to laugh at the audacity of some people, who justcome up to michelle, as she’s standing right next to peter, and start blatantlyflirting with her and propositioning her. those are funnier and even mj laughsthose ones off. but the ones she can’t laugh off are the people she knows, whopeter can recognize are totally head over heels for michelle jones. because,really, who wouldn’t be?

so when, on aparticular saturday night when it’s a bit too chilly so they all drink more towarm up, one of michelle’s classmates from comparative religion comes up to thepair and promptly ignores peter to start having a conversation with michelle,peter decides it’s the perfect time to rest his arm around her waist. he’llblame it on the need for warmth in this dingy basement. that’s why he pulls hera bit more snug against his side and leans his head over onto her shoulder. helooks at the guy’s (damian’s?) shoes and just smiles, squeezing every so oftenon michelle’s waist so that she’ll twitch and hitch her breath.

and if, whenthey’re sobering up and walking back to peter’s apartment, arms pulling eachother close, peter can’t stop kissing her cheek and her neck and her lips.well, he’ll say it’s because the snow fell in her hair so beautifully that hehad to give her little lovings.

chapter four

peter hasbeen hearing about alicia for aboutsix weeks now. and even though he’s never met her, he knows he dislikes her. which, may be a bit unfair to alicia. but,in his defense, he’s had to hear about how amazing she is every single friday forthe last five weeks. he knows all about thesexy philosophy grad student who leads michelle’s discussions. how everyone’sbasically in love with alicia. how alicia is so well spoken and eloquent and knowledgeable.how alicia’s accent is really sexy. how alicia dresses phenomenally even thoughshe always looks like she’s operating on two hours of sleep. how alicia pays somuch attention to detail and questions them all on each word they use toexplain something. peter knows far too much about alicia for his liking.

when michellecomes back from discussion on a friday in late january telling peter all abouteverything alicia said today, peter can’t take it. so he walks up to mj andkisses her so that she’s quiet. but then michelle’s hand goes to his ass andshe’s pulling him closer and then peter is stumbling backward and leading totwo of them to their his bed. clothes disappear and then peter’s betweenher thighs for the next twenty minutes, eating her out like it’s his last meal,until she’s crying out his name andpulling at his hair. when she sighsand pulls him back up for a kiss, he doesn’t let any of that go and soon she’sscratching at his back until it’s raw and he fucks her a bit more passionatelythat he usually does. but after they’re done, mj just chuckles a little andasks, incredulous and a bit breathy, “where the fuck did that come from?”

peter givesher a peck on the lips and says the first thing that comes to mind. “it’s theone week anniversary of the perfect score you got on your essay.”

she laughs,shoving at his shoulder. “god,  you’resuch a loser, sometimes.”

“didn’t seemlike it just a while ago.” he smirks, and she pulls him into a kiss to get himto shut up for once.

chapter five

it all comesto a head when they’re shopping together at the target near his apartment. they’rewalking through the aisles, laughing about who knows what when peter sees a guyshopping a ways away, staring at michelle every couple of seconds. something inpeter’s chest flutters and he puts his hand in the back pocket of her jeans. mjgives him a funny look but doesn’t say anything because she probably thinksthis is him being dorky because they watched stranger things before they camehere and this was totally an 80s fad.

but thenpeter takes it too far when he notices the guy staring a bit too long for peterto be comfortable and so he squeezes her ass a bit. and michelle jumps andyelps, turning around quickly and looking at him in shock. peter blushesferociously and pulls his hand away like he’s been burned because he did not just do that. he’s absolutely mortifiedand worried he’s screwed this up. but then mj laughs and slides her hand intohis back pocket, pinching his ass tightly and smirking.

peter smiles,slipping his hand back into her pocket and then they’re walking like that throughthe store like bozos but they don’t care because it’s hilarious and they get totouch each other’s asses. when they get back home, peter lifts mj into the airand spins her around and she shrieks in laughter. they tickle each other and wrestle,but peter manages to pin michelle down on the floor, his arms trapping hersabove her head. she lets out a quick breath and manages to ask, “why are youbeing so handsy today?” a smirk. “not that I’m complaining.”

peter palesand he releases her arm, leaning back slightly. they always try to be honestwith each other, so he gulps and whispers out, “because I’m an animal who can’tcontrol my jealous urges?”

mj is silentfor a few moments and peter’s absolutely positive he’s screwed everything upand she’s going to tell him, rightfully so, how jealousy is archaic and about possession.but then she laughs and pulls him down to kiss him smack on the mouth. when hepulls back, a bit dazed, she smiles. “good, I was worried I was the only one.”and…what? peter’s jaw drops andmichelle grabs his jaw with her hands, moving it side to side. “we’re onlyhuman, you dork. everyone gets jealous now and again.” she kisses him once more.“let’s just promise to talk about it if it starts to become a problem, yeah?”

peter nodsquickly, a smile growing on his face along with his blush. and then he leansdown, bites her ear, and whispers all the dirty things he’s going to do to her.michelle just blushes and smacks his ass.

a short listof things peter will never stop loving

being with michelle jones, who is incrediblypatient with him, which is good because he’s probably gonna marry this girl

[mozgoderina]

Some say bypassing a higher education is smarter than paying for a degree (Washington Post)

Across the region and around the country, parents are kissing their college-bound kids -- and potentially up to $200,000 in tuition, room and board -- goodbye.

Especially in the supremely well-educated Washington area, this is expected. It's a rite of passage, part of an orderly progression toward success.

Or is it . . . herd mentality?

Hear this, high achievers: If you crunch the numbers, some experts say, college is a bad investment.

"You've been fooled into thinking there's no other way for my kid to get a job . . . or learn critical thinking or make social connections," hedge fund manager James Altucher says.

Altucher, president of Formula Capital, says he sees people making bad investment decisions all the time -- and one of them is paying for college.

College is overrated, he says: In most cases, what you get out of it is not worth the money, and there are cheaper and better ways to get an education. Altucher says he's not planning to send his two daughters to college.

"My plan is to encourage them to pursue a dream, at least initially," Altucher, 42, says. "Travel or do something creative or start a business. . . . Whether they succeed or fail, it'll be an interesting life experience. They'll meet people, they'll learn the value of money."

Certainly, you'd be forgiven for thinking this argument reeks of elitism. After all, Altucher is an Ivy Leaguer. He's rolling in dough. Easy for him to pooh-pooh the status quo.

But, it turns out, his anti-college ideas stem from personal experience. After his first year at Cornell University, Altucher says his parents lost money and couldn't afford tuition. So he paid his own way, working 60 hours a week delivering pizza and tutoring, on top of his course load.

He left Cornell thousands of dollars in debt. He also left with a degree in computer science. But it took failing at several investment schemes, losing large sums of money and then studying the stock market on his own -- analyzing Warren Buffett's decisions so closely he ended up writing a book about him -- for Altucher to learn enough about the financial world to survive in it. He thinks he would have been better off getting the real-world lessons earlier, rather than thrashing himself to pay for school and shouldering so much debt.

It's cold comfort, but the loans put him in good company: Hundreds of billions of dollars of national student-loan debt has now overtaken American credit-card debt, the Wall Street Journal recently reported, using numbers compiled by FinAid.org, a Web site for college financial aid information.

"There's a billion other things you could do with your money," Altucher says. One option: Invest the money you'd spend on tuition in Treasury bills for your child's retirement. According to Altucher, $200,000 earning 5 percent a year over 50 years would amount to $2.8 million.

Few families have that kind of money lying around. But if you can give your child $10,000 or so to start his own business, Altucher says, your child will reap practical lessons never taught in a classroom. Later, when he's more mature and focused, college might be more meaningful.

* * *

The hefty price tag of a college degree has some experts worried that its benefits are fading.

"I think it makes less sense for more families than it did five years ago," says Richard Vedder, an economics professor at Ohio University who has been studying education issues. "It's become more and more problematic about whether people should be going to college."

That applies not just to astronomically priced private schools but to state schools as well, where tuitions have spiked. Student loans can postpone the pain of paying, but they come due when many young adults are at their most financially vulnerable, and default rates are high. Even community colleges, while helping some to keep costs down, prompt many to take out loans -- which can land them in severe credit trouble.

According to a report in the Chronicle of Higher Education, 31 percent of loans made to community college students are in default. (The same report found that 25 percent of all government student loans default.) Default on a student loan and face dire consequences, beyond a bad credit record -- which can tarnish hopes of getting a car, an apartment or even a job: Uncle Sam can claim your tax refunds and wages.

Now, take a key argument in favor of getting a four-year degree, the one that says on average, those with one earn more than those without it. Education Department numbers support this: In 2008, the median annual earnings of young adults with bachelor's degrees was $46,000; it was $30,000 for those with high school diplomas or equivalencies. This means that, for those with a bachelor's degree, the middle range of earnings was about 53 percent more than for those holding only a high school diploma.

But a lot of college graduates fall outside the middle range -- and many stand to make considerably less.

"If you major in accounting or engineering, you're pretty likely to get a return on your investment," Vedder says. "If you're majoring in anthropology or social work or education, the rate on return is going to be a good deal lower, on average.

"I've talked to some of my own students who've graduated and who are working in grocery stores or Wal-Mart," he says. "The fellow who cut my tree down had a master's degree and was an honors grad."

The unemployment rate among those with bachelor's degrees is at an all-time high. In 1970, when the overall unemployment rate was 4.9 percent, unemployment among college graduates was negligible, at 1.2 percent, Vedder says, citing figures from the Bureau of Labor Statistics. But this year, with the national rate of unemployment at 9.6 percent, unemployment for college graduates has risen to 4.9 percent -- more than half the rate of the general population. The bonus for those with degrees is "less pronounced than it used to be," Vedder says.

"The return on investment is clearly lower today than it was five years ago," he says. "The gains for going to college have leveled off."

Before hackles are raised about boiling the salutary effects of higher education down to its cost, there are obvious disclaimers: Education is a priceless thing. Many high-school graduates are not ready for independence and adult responsibilities, and college provides a safe place for them to grow up -- for a fee.

But what about the lessons offered by the success stories that have unspooled along a different path? Dropouts are the toast of the dot-com world. To the non-degreed billionaires' club headed by Microsoft's Bill Gates (Harvard's most famous quitter) and Apple's Steve Jobs (left Oregon's Reed College after a single semester), add: Michael Dell (founder of Dell Computers, University of Texas dropout), Microsoft co-founder and Seattle Seahawks owner Paul Allen (quit Washington State University) and Larry Ellison (founder of Oracle Systems, gave up on the University of Illinois).

Success sans sheepskin isn't only for the technology set.

David Geffen, co-founder of DreamWorks, bowed out of several schools, including the University of Texas.

Redskins owner Daniel Snyder dropped out of the University of Maryland.

Barry Gossett, chief executive of Baltimore's Acton Mobile Industries, builders of temporary trailers, also left Maryland without a degree. (No hard feelings, apparently: In 2007, he donated $10 million to the school.)

Perhaps these are unique individuals in whom a driving entrepreneurial spirit outstripped the plodding pace of book learning.

Or perhaps they point to a new model.

"There's nothing you can't do on your own," Altucher says. A provocative idea -- and a liberating one. Even if it's not entirely true.

But you don't have to agree with Altucher to concede that the debt-stress many graduates or their parents -- or both -- are left with after tossing off the cap and gown works against the merits of the degree.

Even if a kid doesn't party his way through college, chances are he or his family has plowed a boatload of money into a few memorable classes and a lot of boredom.

On top of that, you don't know how big a boatload it'll be. For many college students, four years of anticipated tuition payments grows to five years or six -- or more. Government statistics show just 57 percent of full-time college students get their bachelor's degrees in six or fewer years.

And the rest . . . don't.

* * *

In her youth, Toni Reinhart, 55, owner of Comfort Keepers Reston, a licensed home-care agency in Northern Virginia, abandoned hopes of completing a business degree at George Mason University. There was that C in accounting, and then trigonometry. . . .

"My problem was not being able to put the time in to learn things I wasn't interested in," she says.

Has dropping out held her back?

"Oh sure," says Reinhart, a self-described late-bloomer. "But maybe that's good. Maybe it held me back from things I shouldn't have been doing anyway."

Now she manages 56 employees and in recent years hit the million-dollar mark in gross revenue.

"I understand the case for finishing, because you've proven you can stick with something," she says. "But wouldn't it be nice if we did have another path that didn't put people in debt for . . . $100,000? Isn't there another way to instill those kinds of lessons in people that would be cheaper?"

Nelson Cortez, 20, wishes there were. The Napa resident starts his third year this month at the University of California at Santa Cruz. He's received state grants and works 15 hours a week while school is in session, but with the loans he's taken out, he estimates he's already about $25,000 in debt. This is why, when the California Board of Regents last year announced a 32 percent increase in fees, he joined protests that galvanized students around the state -- and set off similar protests around the country.

Cortez helped shut down the Santa Cruz campus and traveled to the District to rally outside the U.S. Capitol. (On Oct. 2, students will demonstrate on the Mall for affordable education as part of the One Nation march, organized by civil rights and youth groups and unions.)

"Rent was due yesterday, and I was $20 short, and I'm running around the house looking for $20," Cortez says. His money problems have caused him to question whether he's made the right decision: "Am I going to be able to afford it, should I take a semester off? . . . I do have in the back of my mind, would it be better not to have those loans and just work?"

According to the Education Department, between 1997-98 and 2007-08, prices for undergraduate tuition, room and board at public institutions of higher education rose by 30 percent, and prices at private institutions rose by 23 percent -- after adjustments for inflation. "The reason colleges have been getting away with raising their fees so much is that loans allow parents to tough it out," Vedder says.

Federal government moves, such as tuition tax credits, allow those paying college costs to subtract a certain amount from their tax bills. But it does little to alleviate the financial burden, Vedder says, adding that it gives colleges an excuse to raise costs further.

* * *

The cost of college is putting the financial screws to an entire generation, say student activists.

"I think it's absolutely despicable that students are asked to pay that much," says Lindsay McCluskey, president of the United States Student Association. "In terms of public education, you can't even call that public when students are taking out an average of $25,000 to complete college and then are paying off student loan debt until they're 50 or 60 years old."

A recent graduate of the University of Massachusetts Amherst, where she majored in anthropology, McCluskey is paying down a $20,000 student loan. She thinks it will probably take her a decade to dig out of that hole -- while the balance is accumulating interest -- because she can't afford to make more than the minimum monthly payments.

"For my generation," McCluskey, 23, says, "that loan debt is taking the place of the house we could be buying or a number of other investments we could be making in our lives. The loan debt just sucks a lot of that out."

Now consider Jeremiah Stone, 25. The graduate of Rockville's Thomas S. Wootton High School is living in Paris, pursuing a drool-worthy international career as a chef. After high school, he took a job as a barback in a Houston's Restaurant, worked up to kitchen assistant, took a nine-month cooking course at the French Culinary Institute in New York and finally landed in France, where he has freelanced as a chef throughout the country. Eventually he hopes to open his own restaurant in New York.

"People I meet for the first time, they're always saying, 'Oh, if I had another career, I'd be a pastry chef instead of becoming a lawyer,' " Stone says. In the eyes of some of his friends, he says, he's become emblematic of simply doing what you love. In his case, it turns out that not following the herd was the best investment of all.

  Source: Washington Post / Sarah Kaufman. Link: Bypassing a higher education Illustration: Tim Lahan. Moderator: ART HuNTER.

[azariaspace]

Azaria’s Life Update

(Feel free to read - in fact, please do if you’d life.  It’s just under a read more because it’s long.)

I’m okay with the breakup.  In fact, I’m glad it happened (that’s kind of why it did - we both felt it was a good thing for the relationship to end).  But that’s not an invitation for my mom, God bless her, to keep making jokes about me dating my friends.  It hasn’t even been a week yet.  She was doing it five minutes after I told her about it, the morning after.  Yeah, I know a BOY from Dig (the three-week summer thing I went to) invited me to his house for Easter.  But that’s no different from a GIRL (or a nonbinary person, but Mom doesn’t even accept that I exist, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ) inviting me, so chill.  Just let me have friends and grieve what I naively thought was better than it was.

Speaking of Dig, I miss it so much.  So very much.  Part of it is missing Calvin, but I don’t know why I miss those people so much.  There was something irrationally important about them.

As a tangent of Dig, we have to talk about music, and how I’m a true 9 on the enneagram.  I’m a chameleon - I pick up traits from others.  (It’s a reason I think I might have bpd, alog with about 7,000 other things.)  But, have a slice-of-life thing:  we were listening to music on the way home (to Calvin) from Toronto.  They asked if I wanted to play some songs, and even though I wound up playing two songs over the course of the drive, I said that I didn’t really want to, because I could always listen to my music at home, but listening to other people’s music helps me get to know them better.  That’s true.  But now I’ve made a playlist of all the songs I remember from Dig (excluding any music I ever played, a whopping seven songs over three weeks), and it’s all I’ve been listening to for the past two.

On a different track, I go back to the ENT to figure out what the fuck is in my throat.  Or at least to see if it’s grown or not, and explain that it’s been hurting, and say that I took the antibiotics (which were optional?).  Then we theorize what the fuck it is.

Michigan turned me into a night-showerer, but I have to keep doing the Inhaler of Almost Death in the morning, because The Lump has made my gag reflex worse (in addition to hurting all the time), so now it seems that every time I brush my teeth I throw up.  Yes, this means I’m only brushing my teeth once a day, but I kind of want to keep them long-term, and this seems like the best approach.  And I have to do it when I use the inhaler, and a) because I don’t want to become accidentally bulimic (like, train myself to throw up after meals by associating having food in my stomach/night-showering with throwing up when I most definitely like food, like eating, and like having food stay in my stomach and digest and not appear in my sink while I’m trying to brush my teeth) and b) because I want to have decent-smelling breath when I socialize, we’re doing it in the mornings.

How do I get my roommate and suitemates to be chill about me coughing and throwing up every morning?

How do I get my roommate to be chill about my lack of a gender?

(That’s another thing I miss about Dig:  the leaders were the BEST about making an accepting space (we had a sign that said “Not-Male Washroom” and I regret to this day not taking it home (to my house, not Calvin), and there were four remarkable cis kids:  one who asked Trans 101 questions but was genuinely eager to learn and very ashamed of his ignorance (which was refreshing but also kinda frustrating), one who used to identify as part of the LGBT community (if I were her and was labeling myself, I’d call myself bi- or panromantic heterosexual, but she calls herself straight with a twist, and that’s her prerogative and totally fine) and who was excited for me to be the future of the church, and two who would always talk philosophy and were good friends with each other and friends with me apart from this and asked thought-provoking questions that I loved answering, like “When the church has treated you and your kind so badly, why haven’t you given up on it?”  We also tried to actually solve the question of what gender is, and failed, but it was a good time.  One of the kids was unaccepting, half of them didn’t know (I came out at our excursion site, so only half of us were there), and the rest didn’t really talk about it (except one, at my request, sent me a paper her friend wrote on how four Canadian denominations are responding to binary trans people, which was pretty cool).

They were also super great about me being disabled?  Like, not a ton of people knew (They didn’t distribute the medical forms’ contents to all the leaders.), and the more I told them, the more impressed they became.  This one kid (one of the Trans 301-level kids) kind of started viewing me as inspiration porn, and I wish I’d explained to him why that view harms disabled people, but it also seemed to help him and he didn’t do anything Problematic(TM), so it’s whatever.  Mostly, they offered accommodations and got frustrated when I didn’t accept 90% of them, but let me live my life and also understood when I imposed my own limits.

Basically Dig, from a queer- and cripple-inclusivity standpoint, was a dream come true.  The content was fantastic, too.)

Also one final thought on Dig:  I was able to voice my fear about turning my queerness into an idol while also wanting it to be a part of God’s ministry through me, and they listened and did their best to offer feedback.  There was no “don’t talk about it” or “pray it away” here  And we did an activity (like five minutes in small group) where we talked about ideas we wanted to develop, and for days I’d been having the phrase “queer church” running through my head, so I threw it out there and they all were excited to see it come to fruition, whatever it looks like, not afraid of the gay agenda in the church.

When I go to college, I won’t be back in my house for at least 3 and 1/2 months.  I’m not packing for a trip.  I’m moving.  That’s crazy.  This is crazy.

What if another Junior Year I happens?  What am I going to do?

If I named my kidney Chad, I certainly can name a suspicious lump...  I’m going to call it John after Gang Signs John Calvin Rap Album Cover, or just Gang Signs John Calvin, or just John Calvin.  Probably officially the second, and informally the third.  This is all a Dig reference to a painting I did, by the way, which you can view on my Twitter here.

What if John Calvin is the c-word?  I’m not worried about dying, I’ve got eternity squared away (rather, God’s got eternity squared away and has indicated He has found favor with me, for reasons left entirely up to grace).  What if there’s treatment that they want me to stay local for?  What if I can’t go to college after all?

What if I go and Dad dies?

I think we all forgot how good the band Relient K is.

I’ve been reading a lot about minimalism while I’ve been trying to figure out how many tshirts and socks I need to take with me to college (since I’m moving and crap, and since winter - snow! - starts in October but the high was 81 Fahrenheit today), and it seems like I should give away a lot of my clothes?  But I don’t see my style changing much in the next, say, seven years (College and grad school, maybe a year of working at a church in between - maybe not.  Plans change.), so it might be more of an investment to keep all of my like 50 tshirts, box up like 30 of them, and have replacements for when I inevitably destroy some at college, and when the rest just wear out.  Then I can slowly build a more professional look.  But is this just me trying to excuse hoarding clothing and denying people who actually need stuff the ability to cover themselves, or is this a reasonable plan since I already signed myself into debt?

Oh yeah, I officially am in debt.  #thatstudentloanlife #itshittingme #alsoididthatconfirmationstufflatebutithinkistilgetthemoneybecauseitsdone

Technically my school shouldn’t have released my transcript until today because we just now came up with a payment plan, but nobody yelled at me for it and I got a tentative schedule, so I think the college admissions counselor we all hated finally broke the rules in a student’s favor and just... sent it away. (Bon voyage.  ISN’T IT NICE TO KNOW THAT THE LINING IS SILVER?  ISN’T IT NICE TO KNOW THAT WE’RE GOLDEN - THAT WE’RE GOLDEN?  yEAH!)

Lake Street Dive is another fantastic band, but I didn’t forget, I just didn’t know until Dig.

I knew about the Lumineers, but I’d never listened to them.

(Also I’m rereading this post and it looks like I’m calling John Calvin, the great Reformer and theologian, a genital-based slur.  I meant The Lump, and then I meant Cancer.)

On  that note, there’s nothing else you need to know about my life.

[travelightlivelight]

8.

Me again!

For the past few years, I’ve been taking every opportunity to travel that I could. Most notably, obviously, I was required by my major (Global Studies) to study abroad, and chose to spend five months in Costa Rica. Before this, I was saying yes to every travel opportunity in front of me, and doing my best to make every one of them happen. It’s been a blast, and I don’t regret a single penny spent. But that’s the thing— it wasn’t really all that many pennies.

A lot of people want to know how I’ve been doing it. Most of my student friends in their early twenties are absolutely perplexed at how I can just get up and go when I decide to. I will say that I’m very lucky to have friends and family who readily agree to watch my dog for free (shout out to my mom and dad, who are putting up with her for five entire months in their apartment right now), but other than that, I am very much the typical college student, with typical college student expenses. The past four and a half years of college have been supported by student loans, and my seasonal position at a zip line course in Boone does not, in fact, pay me tens of thousands of dollars to answer phones and ask Floridians to please stop yelling at me. 

Still, acquaintances are impressed. “I wish I could travel that much, your life looks so cool,” they say. First of all, you only think my life looks “so cool” because you only follow me on instagram & facebook. That’s a whole other post for a whole other day. My life is super regular, with a lot of time spent watching Netflix and painting my nails. Second of all, to me, my life is so cool. But that’s not because of luck, and not because I’m amazing at saving money, and not because I have a secret wealthy great-aunt paying my way. It’s because I’m realistic about what I can and cannot afford to do at my age, and because I’m careful about how I do things. So I’ve put together a very comprehensive guide to traveling on a budget, specifically when you’re young, broke, and adventurous.

So, without further ado, here are my favorite ways to travel, in a buzzfeed-friendly list format for your convenience.

1. Don’t expect luxury— 

     You’re a twenty-something college student or recent grad living with three roommates and  friends who roll their own cigarettes because “it’s cheaper.” You buy your groceries at Walmart, get paid hourly, and have called your landlord six times because your closet door falls on your head every time you open it. Nothing about your life is incredibly luxurious, so you shouldn’t expect your vacations to be either. Save that for a time in your life when your job comes with benefits and your house comes with doors that close all the way. You will, under no circumstances, be able to take yourself on vacations of the same caliber as that trip to Italy with your parents in 2005. Lower your expectations!! Life is more fun with a little adventure to it. Go with the flow for now, and wait your turn to be fancy.

2. Planes aren’t the only way to travel— 

     Get off of Delta’s website for a minute and take a deep breath. Remember that other forms of transportation exist. Buses are generally the cheapest, then trains, then planes. Trains and busses are just like slower airplanes, but they’re stupid easy to use (even in other countries), you don’t have to pay for the gas, and trains have bar cars with cheaper liquor than planes. So basically, your ride will feel about the same. You’ll run into the same problems as you do with planes, but if you’re traveling on a budget, give it some consideration. If you are traveling overseas or somewhere that’s just too far to take a bus or a train, there are some really cheap airlines (Southwest, Virgin, Spirit domestically, WOW to Europe, Ryanair within Europe) that are worth taking a look at. There are also tons of websites that offer airfare comparisons to help you find the cheapest possible flight. Don’t be afraid of layovers either-- flying direct can be a lot more expensive than just getting off of one plane and onto a different one.

     If you don’t have a specific destination in mind, choose one based on the price of transportation. This also goes for travel dates. If you don’t have to travel the week of Christmas, don’t. Ticket prices change based on how heavy travel traffic usually is on those particular dates. You can use apps/websites like Hopper, Wanderu, and Moovit to find the best prices for everything. 

     My favorite is Wanderu, because if you don’t have specifics in mind, you can click “Explore” and Wanderu will choose them for you based on what’s fastest and cheapest. All you have to do is specify where you’re traveling from. For example, just now I put in Raleigh, and Wanderu told me I could take a Greyhound bus to New York City tonight for $40, go by Amtrak train for $100 (which I have done before), or take the bus to DC for $29 in a couple of weeks. Wanderu rocks. Hopper tells you when the best time is to book a specific flight, as flight prices are constantly fluctuating, and Moovit will help you out a lot with local transit, wherever you are.

      While trains and busses aren’t the most luxurious, neither are planes. Trains generally have a lot more legroom, and busses are generally incredibly inexpensive. Both also often have WiFi. Make yourself a good playlist and suck it up! Or just steal one of mine here.

**Make sure you get your bus tickets ahead of time, especially if you’re traveling in a foreign country. In Costa Rica, they will continue to sell bus tickets even when the seats are full, so if you wait too long and have to get a ticket without a seat, you’ll end up either standing or spending six hours sitting on the steps by the back door, like I did. It’s not the worst thing in the world, but if you can avoid it, do.

3. When it comes to sleeping arrangements, be creative— 

     In your twenties, you can literally stay anywhere. You don’t have kids (probably) that you need certain accommodations for, you can still function if you’re up a little late, and your joints won’t be thrown all out of whack if your mattress isn’t made of angel dust and storm clouds. Take advantage of this. Just like planes aren’t your only option, neither are hotels. Hotels can get really pricey and the ones that aren’t can be really skeevy. This is probably the best and most important advice I could give any young person who wants to travel frugally: Try something more geared toward your age group before you rent a scary ass room in a paid-by-the-hour motel.

If you want privacy, rent an Airbnb. You can find some for really cheap, depending on where you want to stay, and you can decide whether you want to share it with others, stay with the host, or have the whole place to yourself. I’ve never had any bad experiences with other people staying in the same Airbnb (honestly, I have done nothing but meet some really cool people this way), and the hosts and hostesses are probably renting out their spare rooms because they want you there. They are generally very cool people. Some even allow pets if you’re traveling with a furry friend! 

     Keep in mind that your Airbnb will be a little more expensive than the list price once the cleaning fee is factored in, but not by much.

My current favorite way to spend nights away from home is in hostels. The last hostel I stayed in cost $17 for two nights, and the management moved us to our own room when they realized we were two girls that were about to stay in a 10 bed dorm with 8 guys we’d never met. People who own and manage hostels are used to young travelers being their main clientele, so they pretty much know what to expect, and can also point you in the direction of some age (and budget)-appropriate things to do nearby.

     A lot of hostels also have a common area with a kitchen that you can use (for when you have a pasta-with-butter budget instead of a this-cool-sushi-spot-I-heard-about budget), along with big dorm rooms, smaller dorm rooms, and private rooms. The less beds in the room, the more expensive your reservation will be. I’ve found some super cheap and really cool hostels with Hostelworld. Keep in mind, though, if you’re staying in a city, the closer to downtown you are, the easier it will be to get around. Don’t settle for something super cheap but far away from where you need to be just to save money, because you’ll probably just spend it on public transportation instead. Finding sleeping accommodations is all about balance between price, safety (!!!), and accessibility. Read reviews of the hostel itself and of the surrounding area before you make a commitment.

     Some of the most interesting people I have ever met, I’ve met in hostels. Generally speaking, the people you’ll meet in hostels are in pretty much the same situation as you— young, adventurous, and on a budget. They know just as few people in town as you do, and are always willing to swap travel stories, hang out, and even explore the town or city with you. At the last hostel I stayed at in Jacó, Puntarenas, Costa Rica, we met people from all over Europe and Canada, hung out and swam with them at the hostel, and went out drinking and dancing with them that night. We got really lucky, because they were cool enough to watch out for us and make sure we got back okay, but don’t ever plan to be stood up for. Definitely meet new people and get the word out that not all of us Americans are terrible and obnoxious (a surprising thing for a lot of international travelers to learn), but make sure you know where your friend is. Remember, meeting new people is cool; leaving your friends or going off with strangers is not. But do be adventurous, meet new people, and learn all you can from them. Travel can be some of the best education, and the people you meet while traveling can be the best teachers.

Last but not least, don’t be afraid to camp! The US has KOAs (Kampgrounds of America) ALL over the place. KOA is a campground chain with mini cabins that already have beds/sinks/kitchens/bathrooms (depending on which one you rent), sections for parking RVs and campers, and regular tent-camping sites with electricity plug-ins, grills, and  fire pits. The KOA is super affordable, and I once lived at the one in my college town, in my tent, with my best friend and my dog while we were between leases. The KOA has clean bathrooms and clean showers, and a little store from which you can get basic groceries, toiletries, and camping supplies. The KOA is pet friendly as well, and the staff has been really kind and accommodating at the KOAs I’ve been to. Of course, you can also camp at regular campgrounds, but I can’t say anything specific about these as they’re all different. Keep in mind, though, you can’t just camp anywhere! It’s usually illegal just to set up a campground wherever you feel like, and you can literally never know whether you’re on someone’s property. KOAs tend to be well lit, and in my experience, fairly safe, so I’ll stick to recommending this one. If you don’t have to look like the Queen of England every day of your trip, definitely consider a campsite like the KOA. 

4. Choose & book excursions wisely— 

     Don’t fall victim to showy advertising. Just about every tour everywhere claims to be the “best way to see” this, that, and the other. Make sure you check out Tripadvisor or something similar before you commit to spending your money on something you could have done for way cheaper, or even for free. TripAdvisor not only offers reviews on popular tourism spots, but also has general forums about pretty much every destination under the sun. Use it!!

     Tourist traps exist everywhere so make sure you do your best to identify them. A lot of national parks offer private tours, when you could take yourself around and see just as much if you know where to look. Don’t pay the extra $30 for the photos unless it was the best experience of your life. If you can, ask locals what the best way is to experience or see a certain thing. They will almost never point you in the direction of the most expensive, english-named, tour company, but instead tell you the actual best and cheapest way of doing something.

     Some things are just, unavoidably, tourist things to do. I took an ATV tour through the jungle last week that I’m sure no local would have suggested to me, but I looked through Viator for an hour or so first to find the most affordable and highest rated one. Chances are, if you see an ad for something cool, there are fifteen more companies selling the exact same experience. The first one you come across is usually the most expensive! Check reviews, prices, and what is and isn’t included before you book. 

     Also, it’s almost always cheaper to book directly through the company offering the service. While it’s easier to book online, or through something like Viator, it’s usually best to call the company directly to book your excursion. Booking websites and platforms charge a convenience fee, which is how they make their money and why they allow these companies to be advertised on their website. My old job booked through a platform called Fareharbor, which, while easy and quick to do online, charged the customer a convenience fee each time it was used. There’s nothing wrong with this, but it’s good to know.

     These four things (not expecting luxury, utilizing different forms of transportation, being creative when it comes to accommodations, and choosing/booking excursions wisely) are the four biggest tips for traveling frugally. My last weekend trip cost me $10 in transportation, $17 for sleeping arrangements, and $65 for an awesome excursion (But I could have just as easily gone without it, only spending $27 on a weekend at the beach). These are the big money savers, but there are a few smaller things you can do to save even more money during your travels:

-Resist hawkers— whatever they’re selling can come from a local grocery store or literally anywhere else for so much cheaper than they’re trying to sell it to you. They’ll try every trick in the book to get you to forget this.

-Don’t buy yourself things from souvenir shops— these shops are designed specifically for tourists, meaning they are way more expensive than they need to be. A souvenir from Madrid doesn’t have to say Madrid on it— you’ll remember where you got whatever it is, especially if you found something really cool in an out-of-the-way marketplace you happened upon in your travels. You wouldn’t spend all your money in a Wings Plus at the beach, would you?

-Look for the locals— if there aren’t any eating in that restaurant, or shopping in that store, skip it. Locals have to eat and shop somewhere, so find out where this goes on, and go there. This is the best way to avoid tourist traps, and also the best way to experience culture like a local.

-Talk to people— Aside from the people trying to sell you things and strangers catcalling you on the street, talk to people! They can tell you where to go and what to do without wasting your money. Whether you talk to other travelers (pick someone without jorts and keens on for best results) or locals, everyone has something to say. Everyone wants to give you a bit of sage advice, so break your mom’s rules and talk to strangers. Just don’t go anywhere with them.

     So there you have it. My expert guide to travel! I’m very lucky to be in a place where travel is so cheap and where I speak the language, and I’m lucky to have friends all over the US reminding me of their open invitations for me to come visit. Travel definitely does involve a little bit of luck, but with my handy little guide, hopefully you’ll be able to make some luck of your own. If I forgot anything, or if you know some tips I don’t, feel free to shoot me a message on literally any platform (Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram), or my submit box here on Tumblr. 

Happy traveling!

Other than that, there’s no bananas.

----V

[viralhottopics]

The female faces of student loan debt

Image: Shutterstock / Myroslava Gerber

Student loan debt may not be exclusive to gender, but women have a tougher time paying it off than men.

Women earn just under 80 cents on the dollar compared with men, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, and theyre paying more out of their pockets to service debt.One year after graduation, 47% of women working full time were using more than 8% of their earnings to repay their student loans, compared with 39% of men, according to a 2012 report by the American Association of University Women. Eight percent or less is, according to the report, how much borrowers could reasonably manage to pay toward student loan debt.

Women with student debt

Five women spoke with NerdWallet about their relationship with student debt and their studies. They also shared their perspective on a future when theyre finally free of student debt.

Image: Sumner Dilworth

Lourdes Arena

Occupation: Import manager at Baron Francois, a wine wholesaler and importer in New York

College: Bachelors degree in French language and literature at the University of Maryland, College Park (2009)

Total borrowed in student loans: She estimates $80,000

Location: Jersey City, New Jersey

Lourdes Arena is embarrassed to admit she doesnt know her exact student loans total. Im in the dark, she says. I know I have loans, and its definitely a combination of private and federal. My mom was the main co-signer of these loans, so I wasnt very clear how the loans work.

Arena attended community college for two years before paying out-of-state tuition at the University of Maryland, College Park. After graduation, she deferred her loans while working in the service industry, saved enough to move out on her own and began paying more attention to her finances. Im not the best saver in the world, but I hate the feeling of owing money, so I just want to get things paid off, she says.

On attending community college first: I would have owed more if I didnt go to community college and play sports and go for free for two years of my life, despite me not wanting to be home. Community college probably put me in a better position than most.

Molly Monk

Occupation: Program manager for NewBoCo, an Iowa startup accelerator

College: Bachelors degree in political science and international studies from Simpson College in Indianola, Iowa (2016)

Total borrowed in student loans: $27,000

Location: Cedar Rapids, Iowa

Molly Monk is a recent graduate who lives a frugal lifestyle to pay down her $27,000 federal student loan debt. I didnt want to have to move back in with my family to pay off my loans, so that led me to think about where can I live so I can pay off my loans and still have a comfortable life, she says.

Monk pays $500 a month for a one-bedroom apartment in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, across the street from her job at a nonprofit. Going into nonprofit work, she knew salaries would be lower, but, she says, Living in a city thats affordable made doing that work possible for me. She also picked up a part-time job and sends every paycheck from this directly to her loans.

On advice to other new grads: Living in a city that might not seem as glamorous can make your life a lot easier, and you can live a lot more comfortable. I can have my own apartment instead of having to share with three roommates. I would like to eventually live somewhere else, but right now, living here makes a nice quality life. Give Iowa a try.

Alina Suriel

Occupation: In between work at a production company and waiting to hear back from a job in her field

College: Bachelors degree in journalism, minor in Spanish language and culture at Purchase College, State University of New York (2014)

Total borrowed in student loans: $27,000 in federal loans

Location: New York City

Alina Suriel is more organized than most when it comes to paying off her student debt. I have a whole chart about my student loans and the interest that Im charged every month and the payments Im expected to make, she says.

Suriel was aware of the burden of student debt before she went to school, which is why she chose a public college with a lower price tag. After graduation, it was challenging for Suriel to make minimum payments on her $27,000 federal loan debt while she was earning $25,000 a year, but she made it work. She makes additional payments on her loans and is on track to eliminate them earlier than the standard 10-year repayment term.

On the value of her degree: I come from a place where a lot of people dont have degrees, so it really was a gateway to a life that I wouldnt be able to have otherwise. When you apply to jobs now, they expect you to have a degree.

Bethany Francis

Occupation: Bakery manager

College: Bachelors degree in theater studies and a certificate in women and gender studies from Ohio University (2011)

Total borrowed in student loans: $28,000

Location: Lakewood, Ohio

It wasnt until Bethany Francis reached her senior year of studying theater at Ohio University that she realized she didnt want to be an actor. I feel like I shot myself in the foot, because what are you going to get a job in with a theater degree? she says.

Francis deferred her federal loans for most of her post-grad life and has been able to make only sporadic payments. She now works part-time at a bakery in Lakewood, Ohio, where she lives with her husband. She is not making payments, and her interest is still growing.

Francis says if she could go back in time, she might have skipped college or chosen a different major. I wish I could have gotten something that projected me into a career instead of a lot of debt.

On her ability to pay off student debt: I honestly dont know if Ill ever be able to pay it off. Even if I paid $50 a month for every month, I wouldnt pay it off unless I was close to retirement. For me, it looks pretty bleak. Im kind of resigned. I dont even see that as a reality.

Katie Ottavio Kent

Occupation: Account supervisor at ICR, a strategic communications and advisory firm in Norwalk, Connecticut

College: Bachelors degree in public relations from Quinnipiac University (2008)

Total borrowed in student loans: $300 left on a $20,000 federal loan

Location: Norwalk, Connecticut

Some $3,000 of Kate Ottavio Kents $20,000 in student loans were paid thanks to competing in the Miss Connecticut pageant in 2010. The Miss America pageant markets itself as the nations largest scholarship organization for women. I always joke, I was first runner-up, so I got a lot of the benefits of having won, but I could focus on my career trajectory, Kent says.

When Kent graduated from Quinnipiac University in Hamden, Connecticut, in 2008, she felt totally terrified. But within three months of graduating, she found a job in public relations, her field of choice. Shes paid off nearly all of her loans and has just $300 to go. Kent says shes proud to have owned some of her education costs.

On the prospect of being debt-free soon: Theres something about making that last $60 payment that will be celebration-worthy.

How to make student loan payments more manageable

There are 44.2 million stories of student loan debt, including these womens. While everyones circumstances are different, there are options available to those who are struggling to make monthly payments.

For federal loans, income-driven repayment will cap your monthly payment at a percentage of your income and extend your standard 10-year loan term to 20 or 25 years. Your monthly payments will be lowered, but over time youll pay more in interest.

If you have private loans, student loan refinancingcould replace your existing loans with a new, private loan at a lower interest rate. To qualify, you need stable income as well as a credit score in the mid-600s or higher. If you refinance federal loans, youll sacrifice federal protections, including loan forgiveness, more lenient deferment or forbearance and access to an income-driven repayment plan.

For more on these women and additional stories of student debt woe and triumph, follow the Faces of Student Loan Debt series.

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This article originally published at NerdWallet here

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