#i want to go back to school at some point and finish my degree even if its at a snail's pace.

[rubythecrimsonwriter]

I have to remind myself that I'm fucking disabled and expecting myself to do everything all at once is a good path for disappointment, guilt, and tanking self esteem

[chahnniesroom]

cross my heart

pairing: bang chan & female reader, hwang hyunjin & female reader

summary: chan has quickly become one of your closest friends at university. too bad his girlfriend, hayoon, has him wrapped around her little finger and she's determined to make your life miserable. hyunjin is just enjoying watching the drama unfold.

word count: 4.0k

tags/warnings: angst!!! hurt and maybe some comfort?, infidelity (not between the reader or chan/hyunjin), arguing, the relationships with the reader are more like friendships than dating (please let me know if you think there should be more tags/warnings)

a/n: totally thought this was going to be a short fic (like less than 1k words) but it blossomed into something more. i wanted to try something different with this fic but not sure if i pulled it off lol please be kind if you comment! i also did not to bother with honourifics so... you can pretend that chan, hyunjin, and y/n are all the same age 😅

read it on ao3 | masterlist

It's almost funny how quickly you and Chan become friends. 

You hadn't really been looking forward to taking a technical writing class, but it's one of the requirements to get your degree and at least the lecture is large enough that you won't have to do any in-class participation. When the professor announces that one of the very first assignments is going to be completed in random pairs, you're instantly nervous. It’s only after meeting Chan, who is easygoing yet studious, that you feel better.

Although the group assignment only takes a couple weeks to finish, you find yourself hanging out more and more. Chan has a natural way of writing, he's intelligent and efficient with his wording without sacrificing clarity. While you can eventually write something that’s fairly clear and concise, it takes a lot of effort and a lot of time so you're grateful to be working with Chan who doesn't struggle with tight timelines like you do.

The two of you grow close together, especially once you realise that you have a similar sense of humour and taste in music. It doesn't take long before technical writing is your favourite class. Chan always saves you a seat beside him, even though he has quite a few friends that are also taking this course. You’re not used to it at first, but you grow comfortable with the way that he leans over to make quips about whatever the professor is saying or pointing out if someone in the lecture hall is falling asleep. You sometimes bring him snacks and in exchange he brings you a drink.

The more you learn about Chan, the more you're convinced that he's perfect.

Well, apart from one thing.

The worst thing about Chan is his girlfriend. Jung Hayoon absolutely hates you and, behind Chan's back, never fails to make sure you know it too. While the two of you have never shared any courses, she regularly meets Chan after class is over and you've been invited to join them and some other friends for a meal or to study so you've interacted with her more than you want to.

You’re not quite sure what you've done to earn Hayoon's ire, but you can only guess that it's your blossoming friendship with Chan as she’s never seemed to care about you before you met him. She takes every opportunity to make backhanded compliments, pointed comments about how much or what you're eating, or loudly exclaiming when you have something stuck in your teeth. You try not to let it get to you, but you're always been a bit too sensitive.

You start declining offers to hang out with Chan and the rest of his friends after class, trying to ignore Chan's disappointment and Hayoon's smug smile every time that you make excuses.

Of course, she's sickly sweet around Chan, constantly hanging off his arm, batting her eyes at him, and trying to hold his attention. You can't really stand her obviously fake behaviour, but she makes Chan happy so you don't say anything negative about her when Chan's around.

You aren’t the type to keep up with school gossip, but even you know that Hayoon's track record is far from pristine. In fact, you were surprised to hear that someone as genuine and kind as Chan was in a relationship with someone like Hayoon.

—

The library isn't your favourite place to study, but partway through midterm season you're desperate for a change in scenery. You spend the better part of the day completing practice exams for the course you're the most worried about until you finally feel more confident. Satisfied with your progress and excited at the prospect of eating a proper meal rather than the snacks that have kept you going so far, you quickly pack up.

There aren't too many people in the library since it’s so close to the weekend, a lot of students have either finished all of their exams for the week or just given up studying. Maybe that's why your attention seems so drawn to the couple that you pass on the way to the door.

You don't mean to do anything other than quickly glance at them, but the familiarity of the girl catches your eye. The carefully styled hair and slim figure is a common combination to see at your university, but after weeks of trying to avoid her, there’s no mistaking Jung Hayoon.

And it's not Chan that she’s currently kissing.

You stumble away from them, but not before Hayoon looks up and spots you. Instead of panicking or stopping, she continues making out with the boy, maintaining eye contact with you. She even has the audacity to wink. You stare at her for a second, stunned, then bolt out of the building.

You're so flustered that you don't know what to do or where to go. You end up walking to the nearest bench and sitting down heavily in it.

You knew that you didn't like Hayoon, that she was two-faced and had likely cheated on past partners, but you hadn't expected to ever catch her in the act, especially while she was dating Chan. You couldn't fathom why anybody would want anything else when they had him and you had never been able to understand cheating in the first place.

You have to tell Chan, you decide. As much as you hate difficult conversations and it kills you to be the bringer of bad news, you know that you'd never be able to sleep at night if you tried to hide this from him. If you were in his position, you would prefer to know as soon as possible.

You call him as you start heading in the direction of his dorm.

“Hey,” Chan picks up after only a few rings. “Is everything okay? You don't usually call.”

“Uhm-” You have no clue what to say, you didn't think this through enough before dialling. “Where are you? I- Can I come talk to you?”

“Y/n? What's wrong?” Chan's instantly concerned.

“Nothing, I just- I really need to talk to someone right now,” you say quickly. “I'm fine, I mean.”

“Okay. I'm at home right now, but I can come meet you if you need? Where are you?”

“Don't worry about it, I'll head over, if that's okay.”

“Sure,” Chan says, sounding extremely worried. “Be safe, Y/n. I'll see you soon.”

After you hang up, you don't quite run to Chan's place, but you're out of breath and sweaty by the time you make it. You take a moment to compose yourself before requesting access into the building, but you know you still look frazzled. Chan buzzes you in immediately and he’s waiting in the hallway when you step out of the elevator. He guides you into his room, but only after checking you over and making sure that you're physically okay.

“Y/n, you're scaring me,” he says after leading both of you to sit down at his tiny kitchen table. “Tell me what's got you so worked up.”

“Do you know where Hayoon is today?” you ask, probably sounding insane. Chan pauses for a moment, brow furrowed before he responds.

“I know that she has a final tomorrow, so I assume that she's studying. Why, what's up?”

“She didn't say where or who she was going to be with today?”

“No, but it's not like I'm tracking her all the time. She's her own person, she's not obligated to constantly update me.”

“I saw her at the library.”

“Okay,” Chan says slowly.

“She was with someone else, a guy.”

“Why are you telling me this, Y/n?” Chan asks, starting to sound annoyed. His tone catches you off guard.  “This is why you called me, why you ran over to my place? If you think I'm that controlling-”

“They were kissing,” you interrupt. “She’s cheating on you, Chan.”

“Who was the guy?”

“I- I didn't see him well, his back was towards me so I couldn't recognize him,” you falter.

“Did you take a picture? Was there anyone else around?”

“No- but, I-”

“So I'm just supposed to believe you,” he says flatly.

“What? Why would I make this up?”

“I know that, for some reason, you don’t like Hayoon.” Chan's usually friendly voice is cold and his face is stony. “I can live with that. I mean, of course it would be nice if you were at least civil to her. But at the end of the day, you don’t have to, she’s my girlfriend and not yours.”

“Okay,” you say slowly, “but how would lying about this benefit me at all?”

“She warned me about this, you know. She said you were jealous. Of her. Of us. That you would do something to try and break us up.” Chan laughs, but the sound is empty. “I always defended you, which she hated. I don't know how many times I told her that you weren't like that, that there was nothing going on between us.”

“Well I can assure you that I’m not jealous. That I’m not trying to break you two up.”

“I know that there’s… chemistry between us,” Chan acknowledges. “I don't have that many close female friends and I didn't before I started dating Hayoon either, but I know that I like your company and that you're easy to talk to. But that's all. It's fine if you're interested in me, you can’t help your feelings, but accusing my girlfriend of cheating? That’s sick, Y/n.”

“Are you kidding me? There is nothing going on between us.” you say incredulously. “Listen Chan, I’m saying this, I'm here as a friend. You think I'm lying? You think I want to hurt you?”

“I think that maybe Hayoon had a point when she said you wouldn't be satisfied with just being friends.”

“That's what you think of me?” you ask, feeling hurt. “Even if I was interested, I wouldn't do that. I respect you as a friend, I respect you as a person, and I respect your relationship whether I like your partner or not. But if that’s how you see me, I’m not sure that we were ever really friends. I would never try to sabotage you or anybody that's happily in a relationship.” Chan's face drops at your words.

“Y/n-” he starts to say, but you've had enough of this conversation.

“Look- I came here because I knew I would feel terrible and guilty if I didn't, but I can't convince you of something you don't want to believe.” You shake your head and walk towards the door.

Chan doesn't try to stop you as you leave.

 —

The next day you get to class 15 minutes before it’s supposed to start. You're exhausted, have your eyes swollen from crying when you got back home last night, and most of all, feel hurt. You had been a little worried about how Chan would react to what you had to tell him, but you never expected that he would dismiss you without a thought. It's hard to reconcile with the upbeat and kind seatmate that you're used to.

Instead of your usual seat near the middle of the classroom, you opt for one off to the side that’s often emptier, not wanting to have to talk to or even see Chan. You pull up an assignment that you’ve been procrastinating working on and manage to ignore the rest of your classmates as they filter into the lecture hall. It’s only when someone slides into the seat right next to you that you look up, surprised anybody would approach you when you’re clearly being unsociable and look awful.

“Hyunjin.” You’re too shocked to even say hello.

“That’s my name,” Hyunjin replies, looking unimpressed by your greeting as he pulls out his laptop. “Good morning to you, too.”

“Sorry, good morning. You don’t usually sit with me.” You can’t help but point out the obvious. 

In fact, Hyunjin usually doesn't sit with anyone. He's popular, it'd be hard not to be when you look as good as he does, but it's in a different way than Chan. While Chan seems to know practically everybody on campus, Hyunjin is almost untouchable.

While there are hoards of girls and guys that would love to have even a sliver of his attention, Hyunjin has a small circle of friends and is more interested in escaping the lecture hall to paint or dance than socialise. The only reason that you know him is because one of your closest childhood friends, Minho, is on the same dance crew as him and the three of you sometimes hang out. You wouldn't say that Hyunjin is more than an acquaintance though, he still intimidates you enough that you never would have tried to approach him first.

“And you don’t usually sit over here.” Hyunjin pretends to stretch and turns to look at your usual spot. “Avoiding someone?”

“Maybe.” You blush, embarrassed to be so easily seen through. “Is it that noticeable?”

“Nah, I just figured it was a matter of time before Hayoon got under your skin enough. I'm actually impressed you lasted this long, she really has it out for you.” While Hyunjin is surprisingly perceptive, you've also spent a fair bit of time ranting about Hayoon to Minho, and as a result, Hyunjin is kept up to speed on everything that Hayoon has done to antagonise you. You never realised that he actually paid enough attention to remember or that he agreed that Hayoon treated you like dirt.

“Actually, she’s not the one that I don’t want to talk to. Well, I never want to talk to her, but I’m not avoiding her.”

“No way,” Hyunjin crowds into your personal space, eyebrows raised dramatically. “Chan?”

You’ve had a pit in your stomach since last night’s argument and your mouth dries up at the thought of being so vulnerable, but something about the way that Hyunjin's eyes have widened to the size of dinner plates and his mouth has formed a little shocked ‘o’ is so disarming. 

“We had a disagreement last night,” you admit.

“Hayoon cheated?” he guesses.

Now it's your turn for your mouth to drop open in shock.

“Don't say it so loud,” you hiss. “How did you know?”

“Well, as much as I usually like to give people the benefit of the doubt, especially for something this serious…” Hyunjin grimaces slightly. “I’ve been kind of expecting it. Hasn't she done the same on her past three or four boyfriends?”

“Oof, that bad? I've heard some things, but never really knew for sure.”

“At least,” Hyunjin confirms. “Honestly, I'd be more shocked if she didn't cheat at this point. I'm guessing Chan didn't take it so well if you're upset with him.”

“He's loyal to a fault, literally!” you complain. “In his eyes, Hayoon can’t do anything wrong, he's able to explain away everything she does. He didn’t believe that it was her that I saw.”

“So what are you going to do?” Hyunjin asks curiously.

“Nothing,” you say sullenly. “As much as I'd like to shake some sense into him, he's an adult. He can make his own decisions and if he wants to live in denial, that's up to him.”

“You're a good friend.” Hyunjin reaches out tentatively and after an awkward second, pats your shoulder. “Not everyone would be brave enough to have that kind of difficult conversation. Chan may be stubborn right now, but he'll appreciate it later.”

“Well based on yesterday, I don't think I'm his friend at all,” you huff. “Anyway, if it's okay with you, I don't think that I will make it through the rest of the term if I have to sit over there.”

“Be my guest.” Hyunjin grins and the sight of it makes the lecture a bit easier to sit through.

—

You don’t talk to Chan for the rest of the term. While you stopped outright avoiding him, you’re pretty sure that he’s purposely steering clear of you. Instead, you continue to sit with Hyunjin and pretend that Chan doesn’t exist.

It feels silly that you miss him or that you can’t seem to get over how things ended between the two of you. You had only been friends for two months, you shouldn’t be so hurt every time he purposely turns away from you or when his eyes seem to slide over you like you’re not there.

Hyunjin basically becomes your part-time therapist. Most of the time, it’s enough that he keeps you distracted. He shares all the latest campus gossip with you, allows you to work while he paints, and invites you to hang out with Minho and the rest of their dance crew more than a few times. On the rare occasion when you’re feeling more fragile than usual, he would be willing to spend an evening at your place and listen to you wallow.

“It’s fair that you’re still upset,” he had comforted you once. You had run into Hayoon in the bathroom that afternoon and she had gloated about how nothing and nobody would be able to break her and Chan apart. It had made you feel sick to the stomach. “There was never any resolution. Chan didn’t believe you, doesn’t believe you, even though you went to him with good intentions and it’s reasonable that you would feel hurt or frustrated.”

“I feel so stupid,” you had sniffled. “It’s not even like it was a break up. We were just friends.”

“That doesn’t make it any easier, you’re still missing someone who used to be in your life. It’ll get easier next term when you don’t share a class, I promise.” Somehow, that actually had made you feel better.

“Thanks, Hyunjin,” you had said with a watery smile.

The two of you work out well together, not just because you enjoy each other’s presence, but also because there’s no expectations or pressure. Hyunjin has slowly started to share with you stories about his previous relationships, how he’s hesitant to start dating again after having his heart broken so many times. Even though there are rumours swirling about the two of you, you know that neither of you are ready for it yet and that’s partly why it's so easy to hang out with him.

Tonight, the two of you are just hanging out in his art studio. You're mindlessly scrolling on your phone, you’ve just finished the exam that you've been dreading the most and don't have the brain capacity to even think about school. You know that Hyunjin is doing the same, you can see it out of the corner of your eye, but he's trying to pretend that he's working since his painting is due the next day.

He drops all pretences when he gasps loudly at something that he sees on his phone.

“Y/n,” he says gravely.

“What?” you ask, only slightly curious. By now, you've gotten used to the fact that Hyunjin would react the same way to seeing a cute puppy video as he would finding out about some terrible news.

“A friend just texted me,” he says, still in shock.

“Okay? What did they say?”

Hyunjin looks up at you for a moment, down at his phone, then back up at you.

“ChanandHayoonbrokeup,” he says in a rush, before wincing, clearly afraid of what your reaction is going to be.

“What?” You can't believe your ears.

“Chan and Hayoon, apparently they broke up this afternoon. Someone heard them shouting at each other.”

You put down your pencil slowly, not sure what to think.

“Do you know why?”

“Someone said that they heard that yesterday, Heeyeon and Yikyung broke up because Yikyung cheated on her. I think it must be related,” Hyunjin says quietly.

“Oh.”

“I think there's pictures or a video out there, I haven't seen anything yet though,” Hyunjin continues on, starting to get excited while typing away on his phone. 

“Oh,” you say again, at a loss for actual words.

“Right before the holidays too, that's so-” Hyunjin cuts himself off when he looks up and sees you frozen in place. “Y/n, are you okay? Sorry, I'm sure it's a lot to process-”

“No, it's fine.” You force a smile. “I just- I think I have to go home now.”

“Y/n-”

“Really, it's okay. I just forgot that I have something to do. At home. Sorry.”

Hyunjin stares at you with eyes filled with something akin to pity, but doesn't say anything else. You try to ignore it as you hurriedly grab your things and leave.

—

A few days later you're packing up your bags in preparation to go home for the winter break when you hear a knock at your door. You weren't expecting anybody, but there's a few friends that you have that like to show up unannounced. 

You're not prepared to open the door and find Chan standing behind it.

He looks terrible. He's wearing a huge hoodie and his hair is tucked away behind a beanie, but nothing can hide the way that his eyes are swollen and his skin is lacking its usual colour. You can only guess that he hasn't been able to eat or sleep much judging from the gauntness of his face and dark circles.

“Chan,” you say carefully. “What are you doing here?”

“I'm sorry,” he says with a hoarse voice. “I was wrong.”

“Ah, Hayoon.”

“You heard?” he asks, face crumpling a little at the mention of his ex.

“It's-” You pause for a moment, trying to figure out how to put it delicately. "Someone mentioned it to me.”

“You must hate me.” Chan laughs humourlessly. “I know that I do. I was such a fool for not trusting you. I just didn't want to believe that she would do that to me. Stupid, I know. I'm really sorry that I said all those things to you, that I avoided you as if that would change the truth.”

For months, you've been waiting, hoping that Chan would come back to you and apologise. But actually hearing it isn't as satisfying as you thought. In fact, you don't really feel anything at all.

“I want to make it up to you,” Chan says earnestly. “Are you free? We can go for a meal and catch up. I missed you.”

“Uhm,” you say, not quite sure how to respond. You don't want to say yes, but you're scared to lose this opportunity.

“Actually, she's busy,” Hyunjin says. He steps out from behind Chan and wraps an arm around your waist possessively, nudging you behind him in the process. “I think it would be best if you leave.”

Normally you hate it when other people talk for you, but right now you're grateful that Hyunjin appeared. You're not even sure why he's here, although you mentioned that this was your last day on campus, the two of you didn't have plans to hang out.

“Oh.” Chan falters. “Are you two… together?”

“And if we are?” Hyunjin asks challengingly. You've never seen him this defensive before. “Frankly, it's none of your business. I'm tired of listening to your half-hearted apologies that are months too late and I'm pretty sure that Y/n isn't interested in them either.”

“Y/n?” Chan pleads.

“Hyunjin's right, I think that you should go,” you say from where you're still hidden behind Hyunjin. You're glad that you don't have to look him in the eyes. “I can't- I'm heading home today. I have to pack before my train leaves this afternoon.”

“Right,” Chan says thickly. “Sorry. I- I'm sorry, Y/n.”

You lean into Hyunjin's back for support, squeezing your eyes shut as you hear Chan's footsteps trail away. You don't open them for a long time, even when you feel Hyunjin turn around and wrap his arms around you. Instead, you just focus on the steady thump of Hyunjin's heartbeat and try to remember how to breathe.

read it on ao3 | masterlist

[lnlightning81]

Academic Change

Summary : Everything's changing and the only way you know how to deal with it is by crying. Ollie's there to help though

Pairing/s: Oliver Bearman x Reader

Word Count : 0.8k

Masterlist

Oliver Bearman Masterlist

Want to be included in my tag list? Click HERE

A/N : Oh, how I needed an Ollie last night when this exact situation hit me.

It had reached a new academic year, but this year was different. You've finished high school and are now on your way to university. Ollie was signing with Haas, which meant his life was about to get more difficult. However, the worst part about it all was your best friend was moving away to go to university. 

You’d heard the horror stories about best friends that move away and slowly just lose connection until it was like there was never a friendship there in the first place. With all the change that was happening over the next six months, you could feel the anxiety kicking in. 

Ollie was back home for the break between Monza and Baku and you couldn’t be more grateful because during that break you had to say bye to your best friend and it was worse than Ollie leaving almost every week. 

She understood you in a way that no one else could, there were millions of inside jokes that would be shared between you, inappropriate jokes that would have strangers or other people complaining about but that was your friendship. 

It wasn’t until you were lying in bed blocking out the neighbours party that it really hit you. Noah Kahan’s ‘You’re Gonna Go Far’ playing into your ears as the words suddenly hit more than they ever had before. 

Before you knew it, the tears had started falling down your face as the panic set in that actually she was packing up her car and being wherever she was. You’d tried not to cry for months about her leaving, but suddenly, everything was just far too much. 

Ollie who was lying next to you in bed also blocking out the neighbours party with his own earphones in except this time scrolling on tiktok glanced over at you instantly spotting the tear tracks that had been on your face as you swapped from your normal playlist to your sad playlist needing to just let all your feelings out. 

His arms wrapped around your body, pulling you closer to him as he ran a comforting hand over your back in an attempt to help calm you down however you were too deep into your crying session by now. 

Soon Ollie figured you’d been crying enough and took your phone swapping over to some ‘relaxing sounds’ that in reality just made you want to use the bathroom but you didn’t have the energy to fight him. 

His hand gently pulled your wrist closer to him as he messed about with your smartwatch to start the breathing exercises that were programmed in by whatever company you’d previously bought it from. As you followed the instructions from the watch, you could feel the anxiety of losing your best friend leaving your body and your heart rate dropping back down to normal. 

Ollie sighed, letting you remove your earphones and place your phone on the bedside table before pulling you back into his body 

“I know it’s hard, darling. Trust me, I know, except I was the one leaving everyone behind. I know it from both points of view, and you just need to remember that what you have won’t disappear overnight. You’ll meet new people on your course even if it’s a small course and you’ll never forget about your memories with her. I know your anxiety is through the roof right now, and you don’t deal well with change, but remember I’ll always be here. Even if I’m in Italy or Australia. She’ll always be there whether she’s ten minutes away by bus or half an hour by train” Ollie took a breath, pushing some hair out your face and wiping stray tears from your face 

“Change is hard, and it’ll always be hard for you because that’s just who you are, but I love you for it and remember you’re the first from your family ever to go to university. That’s an achievement. You’re also doing a medical degree technically. I love you” He smiled, and you nodded 

“I love you too. Thank you” Ollie nodded, pressing his lips against yours. 

Everything was changing, and as hard as that was to admit, unfortunately, change was always going to happen in life, and although your facetimes were starting to become irregular, they were still happening. 

No matter what happened in the next few months, at least you always had the memories that you’d created over the past three years at high school. Because you’d left all those friend groups that turned out not to be right, and now you had your best friend. 

It was going to work out, and Ollie knew that after a couple of weeks you’d understand that. 

“Come on time for some ice cream” Ollie hummed, getting out of bed and throwing you over his shoulder, causing you to giggle and cling on for dear life. 

Sitting you down on the counter in the kitchen, Ollie raided the freezer, handing you the carton of ice cream with a spoon as he told Alex to play songs from both your childhoods. After all, much like your best friend, he knew how to make you happy. 

And to quote Lauv “The story never ends”

Coming Soon

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[flemingsfreckles]

Physio’s Daughter

Jessie Fleming x Physio!Reader

Preview: Reader is following in her mother’s footsteps in becoming a physiotherapist and gets the opportunity to spend the afternoon with the Canadian women’s soccer team.

Warnings: none

WC: 3.7k

A/N: this is going to be a few parts

You couldn’t believe you were attending ‘bring your kid to work day’ with your mom as a 22 year old but here you were, in the car on the way to her work.

“Are you sure I’m not too old to be coming with you?” You questioned your mom.

“It’ll be just like going to your clinical rotations. Plus you can put it on your resume, so it's really just helping you.” That’s how your mom had tried to convince you that you’d have fun coming to work with her. “Plus I talked with my boss, he said as of now we have an extra spot on the physio team to take someone to the Olympics, if you do well today, maybe it could be you.”

“Wouldn’t you want someone who's more qualified, not just a student?” You were in the process of obtaining your certification as a physiotherapist. You had finished your bachelor’s degree and were in the middle of your post graduate athletic therapy program.

“We have all the staff we need, they think bringing on someone young might be good. The players might like having someone closer to their age, not just all 40 and 50 year olds on their staff. Plus you’re plenty qualified, we have students in and out of the facility all the time.”

As a kid you always tagged along with your mom, you didn't have much of a choice, having a single mom who worked late hours in secondary schools meant your evenings were spent in her training room or on the sidelines of games. The older you got, the less you went with your mom, opting to stay home or spend time with friends instead of accompanying her at work. When you moved out to go to university you had chosen to follow in your Mom’s footsteps, intending to become a physiotherapist as well. At the same time you moved out, your Mom took on a new job, one that allowed her to travel more, a job with the Canada’s Women’s Soccer Team.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to spend the day with your mom, you were interested in seeing her work, it was more that you knew you'd be the oldest “kid” who was at her work, a lot of her other staff had either young children or kids that had moved away and were on with their own lives.

The ride to the training facility was short, you got out of the car, and walked into the front door. You followed your mom around the facility, having no idea where to go. She walked you down and around various hallways, saying hello to the other staff who passed with their small children. You just would give a polite hello and a wave before continuing down the hall.

It was a weird feeling, walking into a room of players you recognized from TV, players who were well known across the country and the world, and yet they greeted your Mom with a hello and questions about her weekend, as if they were friends.

“That is my daughter, she thinks she's too old to be here but she's studying to be a physio too so I figured I'd bring her here and get some free labor.” You hear your mom joking with the two players standing in front of her, she's pointing at you over her shoulder and the two players who you recognized to be Janine Beckie and Ashley Lawrence were looking over at you. You politely wave and move over in their direction.

“Hi.” Not knowing what to say to them, you just keep it short.

They both introduce themselves to you, you assume just being polite of them, it would be hard to not know who they were. One of the other physios comes in, taking Ashley to get taped, your mom taking Janine to work on her knee. Not sure what to do with yourself you just stand back, as if you were back to being a shy 6 year old in a new environment hiding behind your mom. You watch your mom work, she moves effortlessly, doing tasks in seconds that would take you minutes. You always admired your Mom at her work but you had a new appreciation now that you had begun school and realized how much work and time it took to learn everything.

Players come and go, getting various treatments, keeping the staff busy. You watch around, seeing the rest of the staff, how they work with the players, how they all seemed so relaxed and at ease.

“Hi Jessie, how are you, what do you need today?” Your mom looks past you toward the door where Jessie Fleming had walked in. Obviously you knew who she was, her olympic heroics from many years ago making her a Canadian household name. On top of her soccer talent that drew your attention as a kid, her appearance definitely didn't hurt. You had always found her pretty, a silly little school girl crush when you were younger watching her on TV as she played as a teenager, something that you had forgotten about over the years but her standing in front of you brought it all back up.

“Hi, I’m doing well. Can I just get my calf worked out? I’ve been having some tightness.” She looked at your mom, a polite smile across her face, she pointed at the empty table as she asked.

“Can you handle that?” You realize your mom is looking at you, asking you to help with Jessie as the rest of the staff is held up with other players. She’s asking you to help

“Um, yeah, sure.” You weren’t going to say no, plus you could handle a simple massage.

“Jessie, this is my daughter, she’s a physio student and plenty qualified to massage your calf, I promise.” You roll your eyes at your mom’s comment, feeling embarrassed that she has to explain that you’re able to help. You wash your hands and walk over to the table Jessie had sat down on.

“Hi, I’m Jessie.” She introduces herself, her hand extended for a handshake, you can't help but let out a small laugh at the fact that she of all people is introducing herself.

“I know who you are.” Your hand meets hers taking her handshake and you quickly introduce yourself to her. Her hand is soft but her handshake is firm, it only lasts a second before you pull back, pointing to her legs.

“Which calf?” You look at her. She points to her left before taking off her sock and she rolls over onto her stomach shifting up the table so that just her foot is hanging off the edge. You grab lotion and rub it into your hands before placing your hands slowly onto Jessie’s leg. You take a few passes of your hands over her leg before starting to dig into the muscle. It doesn't take you long to find the knot that is resting in her leg, focusing on it. You feel Jessie clench her muscle and slightly pull her leg away. You quickly lighten the pressure you were putting on her and you look at the direction of her face. You see a small grimace across her face.

“Are you good?” The last thing you want is to hurt the captain of the team, that probably wouldn't go over well with anyone.

“Yeah it's just sore. I’ve had some previous injury with it.” You knew that, you knew about most of the players' previous injuries, they were publicly announced anyway and you liked to keep up with your mom on what she was doing at work.

“Sorry.” Not sure if it's appropriate to apologize, you do it anyway.

“Oh don’t be, it’s never been a huge injury so I’m lucky. Unless you were saying sorry about the soreness, but then don’t worry, it’s sort of a good hurt I guess.” She stumbles a bit with their words, looking back at you over her shoulder. With her confirmation that the pain wasn’t bad, you return your pressure to her leg, working your fingers deep into her skin.

“Is she doing alright Jessie?” The voice of your Mom comes from behind you, you turn to see her walking up toward you, finished with the other athletes.

“She might be better than you.” Jessie laughs joking with your mom. “No but seriously she's doing great.”

“I taught her well then.” Your mom gives you a pat on the shoulder before walking away and moving to a desk to do some paperwork.

You finish up with Jessie’s calf, letting her know she should be good to go, the knot being worked out. She stands up with a smile and thanks you for the help. She uses your name when she thanks you which causes a small blush to come across your cheeks. You can't keep your eyes off of her as she walks out to head to the field. When she turns the corner and out of your sight you shake your head, trying to clear your mind as you feel the small childhood crush come crawling back up.

You clean up the table you had been working on, putting the lotion away and wiping down the table with sanitizer. Moving over to where your mom was working, she was completing reports for each of the players who had come in for treatment, she passed them to you to file once she’s completed with them. When the paperwork is done you follow her out to the pitch. You find yourself sitting on the bench, watching as the players work through drills, your mom occasionally going to chat with the coaching staff or other physios.

You couldn't help but watch Jessie, watching how effortlessly she made moving the ball look, how much power and control she had on the ball, it was fascinating. On a couple of occasions you found yourself admiring her physique a little too much, watching as her muscles twitch with every movement. You also started to notice she was favoring her weight on her right leg the longer practice went on.

“Mom.” You get your mom’s attention, not wanting to make the call yourself on if Jessie’s movements were unusual. “Does Fleming usually favor her right leg?”

“What?” She moves over closer to you, looking out to the field in the direction of Jessie. You both watch as Jessie takes another pass, moving upfield with the ball. “Oh, no she doesn't, I mean she prefers her right foot, but not like that.”

At the next water break you see your mom sitting in front of Jessie, hand on her calf, you watch as they talk about your mom maneuvering her leg. When the team moves back to the field, the players and coaches bring out their kids, letting them join in on games. Jessie stays sitting, now talking with your mom and the coach. She then stands up, your mom following her in your direction.

“Can you take her inside? I want to be overcautious and treat her for a calf strain, heat pack, use the TENS unit, then have her roll out, ice and tape.” Your mom throws a laundry list of tasks at you.

“Of course.” You stand up, grabbing your water and phone from next to you before heading in the direction of the physio room.

“Sorry you're getting stuck with me again.” You apologize to Jessie, trying to make small talk with the girl and also hoping she doesn’t feel like she’s getting stuck with just the student again.

“Oh, I don't mind. I wasn't really joking earlier when I said you did a better job than your mom.” She gives you a smile, you feel the flutter in your stomach. Her praise is nice, but it's the smile that she's giving you that makes your stomach flip, it’s gentle and friendly. “Don't take that the wrong way, your mom is excellent, just it was different, you were more thorough maybe, I’m not sure, it was just different.” Jessie rambles.

“That's probably because I’m more nervous about messing up than they are.” You’re honest, you were doing everything to the exact standard, following the expectations you had been taught in class, yet to develop your own style.

“You’re nervous?” She seems surprised.

“I mean, wouldn’t you be, being brought into a professional sports team and being asked to help that team's captain while you're still a student? I mean I guess you’re usually level headed, penalty machine and all.” Thankfully you have half a brain to not throw in that the captain being attractive was definitely adding to your nerves.

“Oh believe me, I was nervous for those penalties but I’ve always thought nerves are good, they show you care. How much more school do you have?” She continues with the small talk.

“Just another semester. And then licensing tests, but just a semester of school.”

“That's exciting, do you know what you are going to do after that?” You make your way into the training room, holding the door open for Jessie to walk through.

“I don’t know, probably work at some secondary school to start, work my way up to bigger teams, I'll have to see what options I have. Go ahead and sit up on the table.” You point at the table at the end of the room as you move over to where the heat packs were stored. Jessie is sitting on the table, watching you when you turn around. You lift her foot, placing the heat pack on the table before placing her calf down on top of it.

“Is it still just sore or is it more sharp now?” Turning the conversation back to a more professional topic away from the small talk about yourself.

“Just sore, feels like a sore muscle.”

“You know, it's nice to actually meet you finally.” When you give her a confused look, she continues “I just mean your mom talks a lot about you.”

“Oh that's embarrassing.” You regret saying it as soon as it comes out of your mouth, you loved your mom, you know you shouldn’t be embarrassed about her talking about you.

“No, it's actually really sweet, I hope my parents talk about me even half as much as your mom talks about you. She’s so proud of you. You're her world.”

“Yeah, I know, it was always just the two of us. I know she misses me when I’m at school, I feel bad leaving her sometimes.” You look down, then realize youre probably giving way too much information to someone who likely doesn't care. “Sorry, I don't mean to talk about my personal stuff.”

“No problem, I don't mind, it's nice talking to you,” she quickly corrects her sentence “to someone closer to my age.”

You pull up a stool and sit with Jessie while she uses the heat pack. When the heat pack starts to cool off you slide over and start digging around for the TENS unit your mom recommended. When you’ve opened your third cabinet and had no luck finding it Jessie speaks up.

“They keep the TENS over there.” She points across the room to a different cabinet. You push up off the stool and move over to where she pointed, opening a drawer and finding it quickly.

“Sorry, I obviously don’t know where anything is, I didn't have time to really get acclimated this morning.” You feel embarrassed, already feeling inferior being the student but now being clueless and having to have Jessie tell you where everything is.

“That’s alright.” She reassures you. You move back and attach the pads onto her calf, turning the machine on low and handing her the controls and tell her to leave it on for 10 minutes. She messes with the controls of a second before setting down the remote and slightly leaning back, her arms propped behind her. Not knowing what to do with yourself you stand up and move over to the other tables where rolls of tape, bandaids, scissors, and various other tools used by the trainers are askew. You tidy up, finding where things belong through your own searching.

“So what do you do outside of school?” You had gotten used to the silence that Jessie’s voice breaks.

“Well school takes up most of my time, I wish I could travel more, I miss going to new places, seeing new things. But unfortunately school turns me into a pretty boring person.”

“Maybe you’ll get a travel experience this summer eh?” You turn at her, you’re assuming she’s implying going with your mom to Paris for the Olympics. “Your mom mentioned she wanted you to come with the team.”

“Yeah she said something about it to me, I mean I’d have to have her boss, Mark, pick me, I think there’s a few people they’re looking at for the trip. She thinks it’ll be a good experience for me for future jobs. I know it would look good on a resume and all but I also don’t want to get the opportunity just because my mom is here.”

“If it means anything you have my vote, the other people have been boring.” Jessie quickly says. “Sorry that’s not what I meant. I just meant, you’ve been the best one they’ve tried out. You care the most, at least it seems like you do. Plus you’re easy to talk to, the rest were too caught up on work, some of them stressed me out just being around them. And no one else was as observant. Your mom mentioned you were the one to see I was putting my weight off center, that’s why it’s important to have fresh eyes.”

“Yeah, I just happened to be watching, I get told I’m observant a lot.” You move your hands to take the TENS unit off of her gently peeling the pads from her skin. You move to grab her the foam ball across the room, tossing it in her direction. Jessie tried to catch it, it bounces off her hands, into her face and then onto the floor.

“Oh my god sorry, I didn’t mean to throw it that hard.” You throw your hands in her direction apologizing. Moving quickly across the room you pick up the ball where it had rolled before gently placing it in her hand.

“Nope, that was my fault. There’s a reason I play a foot sport.” She laughs. Her laugh is beautiful, it fills the room momentarily. It makes you feel light inside.

Just as she moves to the floor to begin rolling out her calf, the training room door opens and in comes the loud crowd of her teammates. They move in all directions across the room, some moving to the ice bath, some moving to grab heat packs. Some move to take off tape, tossing it in the trash. It’s loud, conversations in every direction and you’re quickly swept away, your arm being pulled by your mom as she moves you over to where the ice cooler was. You’re instructed to make ice bags for the players who want them and help them wrap the ice wherever they want it. It’s an easy task but it takes you away from Jessie, no longer having the quiet privacy of the training room.

You wrap arms and legs and shoulders and backs and feet with ice. You can’t help but keep glancing at Jessie, she was still rolling her calf, chatting with her teammates as they walked by. On a couple instances you caught her looking back at you, she’d give a quick smile before looking away. You finish the last player requesting ice and when you look up Jessie is now sitting on the table with Mark, he’s taping her calf. A small part of you feels jealous, which is insanely stupid you tell yourself, she’s his player not yours, he’s the head trainer, you’re not even one, it should be him doing the work.

Only a few minutes later, Jessie hops off the table, giving you a wave and a shout of thanks before leaving the room. Only staff remained, the rest of the players on their way home for the day. You finish cleaning up, asking your Mom a couple of times where everything belongs, making sure nothing gets put away in the wrong place.

It feels like time has flown by in the eight hours that you have been at the training center, before you know it you’re headed out to the car with your mom, the same way you came in this morning.

“Mark wanted to extend the offer for you to spend the rest of the summer here, and for the Olympics. He’s going to give you a call tomorrow, but he gave me a heads up. It can probably count as some clinical work for school, he said he’ll just have to get the paperwork sorted. Something about high praises from a certain team captain.” Your mom nudges you with her shoulder. You look at her and you can tell she’s being suggestive with her wording.

“What?” Your cheeks begin to flush slightly. “You’re the one who kept sticking her with me.”

“I know, I also know you had a little crush when you were younger.” She teases. You just roll your eyes, not wanting to give yourself away.

“Oh my god mom that was years ago, she’s not my type.” It was true, your dating history was littered with blonde preppy girls with terrible personalities, quite literally the opposite of Jessie. Hoping that fact would help your argument that you didn’t still have a crush on Jessie and it seemed to as your mom dropped the topic.

“I know honey, I’m only kidding you. You can drive, I’m tired.” She places the keys in your hand. You don’t mind driving, you turn back looking at the facility, realizing you could be spending your summer everyday here didn’t sound like too bad of an idea.

[totalswag]

graduation - RAFE CAMERON

authors note we love soft!rafe thats all i gotta say

summary rafe's is supposed to attend his girlfriends graduation but told her he couldn't make it last minute due to work stuff. rafe finishes his work stuff early and decides to surprise his girlfriend after the ceremony with flowers.

warnings crying, cussing, wholesome content

It’s graduation

You are officially finished with school for the rest of your life. On to the next phase of your life. Everything you've done to get here has paid off. All those examinations you studied so hard for, to the point of crying and wanting to quit, paid off in the end.

The second you stopped onto campus as a freshman, you couldn't wait to get your degree and graduate from college. It’s been your dream to go to Chapel Hill University since high school.

Your entire family gathered to see you walk across the stage and receive your diploma. You were glad to see them all here on this special occasion. In a way, seeing your loved ones cheer you on as you walk across the stage in your gown and cap, receiving your diploma and degree is a great pat on the back.

There is one person in particular you wish was attending.

Your boyfriend, Rafe.

“Is Rafe coming?” Y/F/N asks, nudging your shoulder. 

Y/F/N met freshman year, you lived in the same dorm. A week after knowing each other, you instantly clicked. You two live in a two bedroom apartment near campus. She’s that type of friend you know you can count on no matter what.

“He said work got super busy and that his dad needed him to stay to help out” you sigh, “he wishes he could be here though '' choking on your words but you take a deep breath to calm yourself down.

When Rafe told you on the phone he wasn’t gonna make it due to work your whole world came crashing down in one second. You know how much Rafe takes work seriously– it's a family business he needs to take care of. 

Y/F/N pouts, wrapping her left arm around your shoulder, pulling you into a hug to give you some sort of comfort. 

“I bet he wishes he was here too, Y/N.” Y/F/N knows how much you want him to be here and watch you walk the stage. 

Before you could answer, the president announced everyone to stand up to receive their awards and degrees.

This is finally it.

After the ceremony, you walked around the large crowd of families to find yours. You took a bunch of pictures with your friends before you went over to your family. Your mom texted you where everyone was at.

When you found your family, you walked over with the biggest smile on your face holding your diploma in the air, moving it up and down.

Everyone came over to you and congratulated you. In so many ways, the love you received from your family warmed your heart. You were also given flowers and balloons. There were numerous pictures taken. 

Multiple conversations between the family started happening.

Your older brother and his wife arrived, followed by their two-month-old daughter, your niece. Your brother handed her to you. She wore a onesie with writing that said, My auntie graduated  with flowers all throughout. For the photo, you held her by her armpits, pulling her face to yours and kissing her nose. 

"Ugh, I love being your auntie!" You exclaimed as you cradled her.

She looked up at you with a grin, making you smile even more.

Your mom had her phone in her hand, ready to take a picture of you with the flowers and your diploma. Your mom is a photographer, she takes amazing pictures and usually takes pictures of you for your instagram sometimes.

Everyone gathered around to take pictures of you as well.

So much was going on that you didn't notice Rafe standing behind you with a bouquet of flowers and a card he bought for you.

You could feel a male present standing behind you. You smelt a familiar cologne, Rafe’s cologne. 

"Congratulations, baby," he quietly said, catching you off guard.

Your eyes had blown out of their sockets. Your heart was racing at a hundred miles per hour. You spun around, putting your arms around Rafe and pulled him closer, unable to let go.

Rafe was the only one who mattered right now.

Tears began to build up in the corners of your eyes.

“How are you even here right now? I thought you couldn’t make it today” you cried, kissing his face, laughing.

“Well, I was able to get the important stuff done and decided to surprise you” Rafe explained, holding your waist.

"Did you see me-" you are interrupted by him, "yes, baby, I was there to see you walk the stage."

"I believe these are for you, my pretty lady," he says as he hands you a gorgeous bouquet of your favorite flowers. 

"Thank you Rafe, these are beautiful."

"I'm so proud of you and everything you've done to get to where you are now." "This is definitely a proud boyfriend moment," you sigh, then laugh at his final remarks.

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if you would like to be added my taglist please let me know :)

[dilfl0v3rss]

basketball player!ony who takes his career very seriously. he was the star in high school when you met him and he is the star now at his big name d1 college.

basketball player!ony who’s been scouted by many nba teams, but refuses to go into the draft until he gets his degree. you and him have been together since freshman year of high school and he doesn’t plan on changing that no matter how much recognition he gets.

basketball player!ony who is about 6’5, playing as his schools starting point guard. he averages about twenty-six points a game and wears the number 3. sometimes basketball player!ony can get very hard on himself when he doesn’t perform the way he wants to and he always needs you there to help. whether it be getting his rebounds or watching his previous film, basketball player!ony always looked to you first.

basketball player!ony who begged you to go to the same college as him, not thinking he would survive being away from you and you didn’t mind because you felt the exact same way.

basketball player!ony who has to shoot down different girls everyday. constantly throwing away love letters and gifts from the many girls on campus. sometimes splitting the candy he’d get with you.

basketball player!ony who is rarely seen without you unless he is at practice or a game and during those games he always made sure you are seated in the nearest seat to the bench. throwing you a quick wink with a smirk when he’d make a tough shot.

basketball player!ony who’d always bring you up in his interviews after games.

“onyankopon what a great game tonight. you did spectacular ending with thirty-seven points, twelve assists and eleven rebounds. how does it feel to be such a big asset to the team at such a young age?”

“uhhm i just come out here and perform like i normally do. i love this game and it’d be disrespectful of me to not play at my full potential as often as i can. i also wanna give a shout-out to my beautiful girlfriend y/n. there have been nights where it’s just me and her watching film, breaking each game down to make me better. i wouldn’t have made it this far without you mama. i love you”

he’d say, looking straight into the camera as if you were watching him through it. (the interview went viral btw)

basketball player!ony who has you wear his chains for each game since he can’t wear jewelry while playing, not letting you take them off until the two of you got to his dorm room.

“fuck keep ridin’ it just like that baby.” he groaned as you bounced up and down on your boyfriends dick, pretty gold chains dangling from your neck as you slowed your pace. he had just finished a game and needed to get you home immediately after seeing a random from the crowd try to flirt with you, snatching your attention away from him while he was killing his opponents. one of his favorite things about you was that you loved basketball just as much as he did, watching every game without batting an eye.

you gave your boyfriend your full attention and even gave him criticism to show for how much you were paying attention. the fact that some random nigga can snatch that attention from him boiled his blood. his legs were tired and already getting sore from the game as he lay comfortably under you. “daddy m’tireddd” you have been going at it for almost an hour, but basketball player!ony knew you were a good girl and wouldn’t stop until he said to. “ion care. keep that same pace until i nut in you”

basketball player!ony who also let you pick his jersey number.

it was the night after graduation when he had your legs pressed up to your chest on the bed. basketball player!ony fed you deep strokes as he talked to you about your future with him. “how many babies you want daddy t’give you?” he groaned in your ear while pushing himself deeper. you moaned out loud as you felt him kiss your cervix, eyes rolling back as you were slowly going in and out of awareness. “c’mon mama i need an answer it’s important”

you had no idea why he was so eager for an answer but you knew he wasn’t going to let you cum until you told him. he let go of your legs and held both of your hands in his. staring you in the eyes as he slowed his speed and deepened his strokes. you were falling more in love with this man everyday. “i know you like that, but i need you to give me an answer or daddy gon have to stop.” your back arched off the bed as your boyfriend hit a particularly sensitive spot in you. he knew you were close, but he really needed you to answer his question. he stopped completely, staying inside of you as he waited for a reply. you mewled, upset at the lack of friction. “i know mama i know. just tell me how many and i’ll fuck you ‘til you wet this bed up.”

“t-three.” you whispered. it was barely audible, but he heard you, asking again for clarification. “speak up baby” “t-threeee ohh myyy goddd daddy waitttt” you freed one of your hands before pawing at his stomach. he pounded into you at a quick pace, drawing your orgasm out quickly as you spasmed around his dick. “and ima take care of you and them when i go pro i swear. they not gon have to worry about a damn thing and ima wear that number on my back to remind the both of us who we doin this shit for” the two of you came together, holding each other as fatigue got the best of you and ushered the both of you to sleep. your boyfriend never forgot what he swore to do and kept up with it through college.

basketball player!ony never started a game without first kissing his three fingers and pressing them on his jersey. letting you know he always remembered his promise to you.

[fenrislorsrai]

The Crow Road

I did in fact read The Crow Road because of Good Omens and it was very meandering with a lot of character study. For a thing summarized as "trying to solve a mystery from papers left behind" it was very uninterested in doing so. It didn't even introduce them for first 100 pages, then didn't refer to them for another 100, then LOST THEM ON THE TRAIN. The book itself is mostly a distraction from solving actual mystery. In no way would I classify this as being Mystery, as in the genre. This is a family saga/coming of age thing. I did enjoy it, but if you're expecting a genre fiction thing, you will hate it.

ANYWAY.

Then we get to the last 20 pages or so of the book and OH MY FUCKING GOD

the rest of this is going under a cut for anyone who actually wants to read The Crow Road themself, but for everyone else, this is directly relevant to the end of season 2, episode 6 AND is NSFW

Toward end of book, MC Prentice figures out "oh, maybe I am actually in love with my best friend, Ash, I should tell here". Oh shit, she's taking a job and moving to Canada! FUCK. Well telling her now is not gonna do anything good here, I blew it.

Ash meanwhile comes to stay with him in his rented place before having to fly out in the morning. The place is tied up in an estate dispute. It has an enormous four poster bed in a room covered in naked paintings of Venus. And mirrors. Pointed at the bed.

They go out for dinner and have a conversation of who owes who for dinner and decide its neither. They walk around a little bit reminiscing about when they were in school. Prentice had once broken her nose with a snowball and thought she didn't know. She says she forgave him right away. It also turns out she knew he was using morse code to tap out rude things at their French teacher.

They get back to the house and she says she's going to turn in early. Goes to give him a kiss on cheek. WHich then turns into kissing. and grabbing ass. They head to the bedroom of Fucking to do just that.

have a couple round and then while tangled up doing effectively some cockwarming, Ash does a little rhymic squeezing via morse code to spell out I-L-U and he does some cock moving to spell out I-L-U-T she still gets up in morning to leave, tehre's that brief, but what if I convince you to stay??? and they basically both agree "no, this is a breakup for work." Ash goes off to do her work contract, Prentice is going to finish his degree and sell the Bentley he just inherited. The split is not forever.

I did not have love confession via morse code while fucking on my bingo card AT ALL.

But good god, that ending there and the kiss there at the end of season2. OH RIGHT, THEY BOTH HAVE DONE SPY STUFF!!! What the fuck are Aziraphale's hands doing? are they frenching with morse code? IF THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[jeankluv]

The forgotten boy - Geto Suguru | Chapter 02

words: 3,9k

summary: He made a deal with the devil, over 1,000 years ago. Just for the sake of his loved ones but the deal came with a condition. Everyone he met from now on, would forget about his existence within minutes, and will be like that for the rest of the eternity

Like that Suguru Geto has lived for the last 1000 years being forgotten but everyone he met, not being remembered by anyone and being alone.

"You remember me?"

You nodded. “Of course I do.” You smiled. “You have been coming here for a few days now. Always at the same hour and always asking for the same coffee.”

tags: angst, fluff, fantasy au, different lifetimes, dual pov, use of y/n, fem!character, modern settings but also past settings, eventual smut, destiny, characters death (in the flashbacks), blood [more tags in the future]

notes: thank you to everyone who liked and commented the first chapter 🫶 this second chapter is from the pov of y/n, some of the scenes that happened in the first chapter will be tell by y/n’s pov but we will also know more about her. Enjoy 💜

Also for those who read my other fic Birdie, the next chapter will be out this weekend. The chapter it’s a bit long so that’s why it’s taking longer.

materialist | previous chapter | next chapter

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You remember seeing him come in on the first day. It had been 10 days since the coffee shop had finally opened and both you and Yuji had been bursting at the seams with work. But you perfectly remember the man's face and sweet smile. You remembered him because in that moment when you saw his eyes, something inside you moved and began to function, as if there had been a piece that had always been missing all your life. And that at that very moment it appeared.

You had tried to get closer to him, there was something that attracted you towards him, as if gravity was pushing you to go towards him. But your hustle and frenetic pace had not allowed you.

On the third, he stayed longer so that’s when you took the courage to go to him. You walked towards him, feeling how your heart was about to come out of your chest at any minute.

“Suguru…”

You shook your head. Why was that coming to you? You kept walking and placed yourself right next to him.

“Do you want more coffee?” You saw the man salthering a bit when you spoke. You were too loud, weren't you? “I have noticed your cup is empty.” You pointed to the cup with a smile, trying to relax your nerves. “You want more?”

The man looked at his empty cup and shook his head. “No, it’s okay.”

What were you doing? He would probably tell you to fuck yourself and never come back there. "But are you sure? It’s in the house, so please accept it.” You smiled.

The man smiled back at you and handed his cup. "Alright." You took the cup between your hands and walked back to the and walked back to the counter.

Yuji immediately noticed your smile and began to pester you with questions. You had known Yuji since you were little, you had gone to school together and you even went to the same college, although different degrees and now there you were once again. You considered him a good friend, although your circle of friends was not even close, you barely knew two of his closest friends and Yuji more of the same with you. But you were grateful that he was your coworker at the coffee shop, he made everything lighter and more entertaining.

You focused your attention back on the coffee. You wanted to be able to make him coffee before the workers from the offices across the street arrived and crowded the establishment, but Yuji started telling you a story and by the time you realized it, the establishment was full and you couldn't leave Yuji alone.

You sighed with resignation and looked back at the table, he was still sitting there, so maybe if the orders were finished quickly you could go to him with his coffee.

“Here you have your order sir!” You smiled giving the last client his order.

You wiped your forehead and turned to make that coffee.

“What are you doing?” Yuji spoke behind you back.

“Preparing this coffee for a client.”

“Which client?”

You turned to look at Yuji and pointed to him. “The one sat on…” He was gone. “He left…”

“There was someone there?” Yuji titled his head.

“Yeah. That cute guy with long black hair and piercings.” Yuji looked at you with confusion. “He comes everyday. I promised him I was going to invite him to a coffee but…” You sighed. “There were too many clients.”

“Well don’t worry, just invite him tomorrow. If he comes back.” Yuji smiled at you.

You nodded and smiled back. That was what you were going to do, you were going to invite him for coffee and maybe try to get to know him better. There was something that made you very curious and you wanted to know more about it.

You spent the next two hours serving customers and clearing tables, until you and Yuji closed. You said goodbye to Yuji upon arriving at the subway stop, as each of you went in opposite directions. You sat in one of the free seats and looked at the views of the city, it was beautiful.

You couldn't stop thinking about the young man in the coffee shop. There was something about him that attracted you so much. You rummaged in your bag and took out an old notebook and a pen and began to draw the silhouette of the young man drinking coffee in the coffee shop. His long, black hair, straight nose, strong jaw and the two earrings, each one in his ear. But then the elegant, almost classic style you could say. They gave it a touch of mystery, timelessness, and intrigue.

Tomorrow you would definitely not miss the opportunity, You would talk to him. Shit you would even take courage and ask for his phone number. Yes, definitely you would do that.

You looked at the drawing, it didn't do justice to how beautiful he looked in person. You closed the notebook when you heard your stop and left the station straight to your house.

Opening the door to your apartment you were greeted by your cat, Blue. You moved to your own apartment after finishing the third year of your career, already three years ago. You used to like sharing dorms but you needed your space.

But the first few weeks you felt lonely, so you adopted Blue, your cat. Blue was still a baby when you adopted her, all her siblings were adopted before her because she was a black cat. But the first moment you saw Blue you knew it was going to be yours. And since then you have been living on your own with Blue.

You sat down on your coach and grabbed your phone from your bag, hoping there would be an email from one of the thousands of jobs applications you sent. But your inbox was the same as yesterday, nothing new.

“Blue.” You looked at your cat, climbing next to you. “Do you think I will be able to work as an artist one day?” Blue purred, stroking her head against your hand. “That’s right, I need to hold some faith, right?” Blue looked at you with those big blue eyes. “And the coffee shop is not that bad. Is great having Yuji with me and you know Blue.” You grabbed her and put her on your lap. “There is a really interesting man coming every single day. Tomorrow I will ask him for his phone number.” You nobbed for yourself .

You laid back with Blue on you and closed your eyes, feeling how sleep was taking over you and the warmth of Blue on top of you helped you to fall asleep in minutes.

˖✧˖°.✶₊ ⊹ ⋆˖✧˖°.✶₊ ⊹ ⋆

“You think we are soulmates?” You smiled wildly. You were looking at a face, a faceless one. But you could tell it was smiling. A smile that was making your heart flush.

“We are.” The faceless person spoke.

˖✧˖°.✶₊ ⊹ ⋆˖✧˖°.✶₊ ⊹ ⋆

“Your drawings are exceptional.” Again the faceless person spoke.

“Thank you. But I doubt anyone would be interested in buying them.” You looked at the portrait.

“I would buy them.”

˖✧˖°.✶₊ ⊹ ⋆˖✧˖°.✶₊ ⊹ ⋆

“It seems I can’t fulfill my promise after all.” You whispered, feeling how your life was coming to your end.

“Please, my love, just hold on.” The faceless person embraced her. “Stay with me. Stay.”

“I’m sorry…”

˖✧˖°.✶₊ ⊹ ⋆˖✧˖°.✶₊ ⊹ ⋆

You woke up startled and with the heart pumping on your ears. It had been a while since those dreams with that faceless person had occurred. Why did they suddenly come back?

You looked outside the window and you could see that it was already dark, had you slept that long? You hadn't felt it that way. You sat up on the couch and sighed. For years when you were little you had recurring nightmares, so much so that your parents sought help, but found absolutely nothing. When you were about 15 years old those nightmares disappeared or at least they were not as recurring as they used to be and if you had them you did not remember them as vivid as you had felt now.

Your tummy rumbled, letting you know that it was time for dinner. You actually had fallen asleep more than you would have liked. Dragging your feet to the kitchen, you opened the refrigerator and to the surprise of no one's, you just had some apples and an egg carton with only two eggs. You sighed to yourself and closed the refrigerator.

“Should I order something to eat?” You asked for yourself. “Or maybe call Utahime and meet her?”

Blue tilted her head, to which you laughed knowing she couldn’t understand a thing of what you were saying. You rubbed her head and walked to where your phone was, searching for the name of Utahime. You pressed call and waited a bit for your best friend. You knew Utahime would pick up, she always did and if she didn’t it was because an emergency was occurring and she couldn’t answer.

“Hello my beloved!” You heard on the other side of the line.

“Hello my princess!” You replied using the nickname you liked to use for her. “Are you free?” You listened as Utahime hummed on the other end of the line. “Would you like to go to dinner at the new restaurant that has opened near my house? It’s on me."

“Sure!” Utahime replied. “I will be there in like 15 minutes, I was shopping nearby so it won’t take me long.”

“You bought new clothes?”

“Of course I did.” You heard the sound of bags moving. “You will love them, you will see.”

“Can’t wait. I will see you there.”

“Okay, bye!”

“Bye!”

You left your phone on the kitchen table and walked to your room to change. You looked in the closet for a long skirt and a sweater. It was already spring, but the nights were still cold. You put your makeup back on and smiled to yourself in the mirror. You walked to the kitchen and grabbed your cell phone from the table, saying goodbye to Blue.

"Behave well. Mom will be back in a while.” Your cat meowed back and nuzzled your hand with her head.

Leaving your house you walked to the new restaurant that was opened a month ago. You, along with Utahime, Shoko and Yuki, loved meeting up to have dinner or a drink and then go to karaoke. But this week Shoko was full of work at the hospital, putting in non-stop hours and Yuki had traveled abroad again. So today would be a night just for you and Utahime.

You had met Utahime in high school, you were put together for a task and you had become practically neck and neck, later you met Shoko and finally Yuki joined. The four of you had become extremely close, so much so that in class you always ended up in detention for chatting. But to tell the truth, you didn't care at all.

Entering the restaurant you asked for a table for two, luckily you were placed at the tables that had armchairs. Utahime always said that these types of seats were much better than regular chairs, because in the end they left your butt sore.

You looked through the menu while waiting for your friend to arrive. Your mouth was actually watering just looking at the names of the dishes.

“Y/n!” You heard on the entrance. There she was, your best friend, wearing dark sunglasses, although it had been dark for a long time, and a face mask. Many times you wondered if this would draw less attention or attract more attention.

“Hime!” You waved at her and she rushed to sit in front of you. “You really bought!” You said looking at the bags.

“What can I do? I got paid and my heart was screaming.” She made a sad face. “I bought so many cute dresses!” She showed you a blueish dress with a ribbon on the back. “Cute right?”

“It’s just your style.” You smiled.

“I know.” She said excitedly. “But now tell me, how is your job in the new coffee shop going?”

“It’s interesting, I like it.”

“I remember back in college you saying how much you loved going to the old coffee shop that was nearby for the smell of the coffee.”

“And it’s true, the smell is so nice.” You pointed out.

“It’s good to hear you are doing okay.” She grabbed the menu. “And if you want, you can always work for me, I would love to have you on my team. All your paintings are just breathtaking.” She encouraged you.

“I know, but I want to achieve it on my own. But still appreciate your proposal” You sighed.

She nodded and looked back at the menu. “Oh!” She opened her eyes wildly. “Let’s try this!” She pointed at the menu.

“Looks nice.”

“Right?!” She called the waitress and ordered for both of you. “By the way.” You looked at her. “Have you noticed Yuki’s attitude lately?”

“Hmm.” You shook your head. “Something happened to her?”

“I think she is seeing someone.” You opened your eyes in surprise. “Lately she has been glowing so much. Let me tell you something y/n you only get that look when you are in love with someone.”

“Do you for real think Yuki is seeing someone?” Utahime nodded. “What kind of person do you think they are?”

“No idea, but I’m sure Yuki chose correctly.”

The order came and you both thanked the waitress and started eating your dinner.

“By the way.” You spoke, swallowing the piece you just ate. “How was your last date with the guy?”

“Don’t.” Utahime cut you off. “Don’t ever mention that date or that guy. My agency thought it would be a good idea for both of us to go out on a date, and you know get publicity because he is an actor, I’m a singer and you know all that. But ugh, he got on my nerves.”

“Was it that bad?”

“The word bad is too nice to describe it.”

The two of you continued chatting and eating until finally you were only left with the glass of wine on the table. Utahime insisted on going to bars at night now, because you were young and you deserved it. But you reminded her that tomorrow you had to get up early to open the coffee shop and Utahime stopped insisting.

You paid the bill and the two of you left the establishment, although Utahime used to drink and tolerated alcohol well today it seemed that had not been the case, seeing how she moved from one side to the other.

“Stay with me today.” You said grabbing her to which she nodded.

You entered your apartment with Utahime, being greeted by Blue as she always did. You gave Utahime a glass of water and then settled her on your bed. She had really gone too far with the drinks. You smiled when you saw how she was sleeping. She was lucky no one had met her, Utahime was a singer. And a pretty well-known singer to tell the truth. She was discovered by a talent scout years ago and had not stopped working since then.

You lay down next to Utahime and told yourself again that you would achieve your dream on your own. You would make it. You appreciated Utahime's offer but you wanted to do it yourself.

˖✧˖°.✶₊ ⊹ ⋆˖✧˖°.✶₊ ⊹ ⋆

You left the note on the table and rushed to the coffee shop. The alarm hadn't gone off and now you were running through the city because you were going to be late. You had to hurry the first hours and the first hours in the morning were always the busiest and you couldn't leave Yuji alone tending the place.

“Just on time.” Yuji smiled, opening the door for you.

“Thank you.” You said trying to catch your breath. “The metro wasn’t very crowded so I was able to make it on time.”

“What happened?”

“I went out with a friend yesterday and the alarm didn’t rang.” You grimaced. “But luckily my biological clock woke me up.” You looked at him and noticed his tired eyes. “Were you playing video games all night again?”

Yuji scratched his head and laughed. “Megumi and I wanted to try a new video game that came out yesterday and we spent all night playing.” He took the apron that was hanging on the coat rack and put it on. “But I'm perfect! Today is going to be a great day right y/n?”

“If you say so.” You smiled at him and also put on the apron.

You turned the sign at the entrance and you and Yuji began to serve the first customers, little by little the coffee shop filled up and before you realized it was packed and you were walking around from one side to the other. Taking orders and serving them. By the time you tried to blink, 3 hours had already passed.

You looked around searching for a specific person in the place. You heart skipped when you saw him again, sat on the same place, wearing a similar outfit and again with the man bun on.

“Who is that coffee for?” You asked Yuji.

“Huh?” He turned the paper around. “It says Kento.” He scratched the back of his neck. “Kento? I don’t know who…”

“I know who he is.” You grabbed the coffee. “I will give it to him. Don’t worry.” Yuji nodded and went back to taking a new order.

You took a deep breath and started walking towards the table where he used to sit. Next to the window. It had good views, you could see the main avenue and how people were hustling from one side to the other. During the days that you had seen him, you had noticed that he used to spend long periods there, reading the newspaper and looking out the window. But always alone. You wondered if he had anyone to share a coffee or a chat with.

Your hands shook the closer you got to the table. You should breathe, just talk to him a little and maybe ask for his number. But without looking crazy.

You cleared your throat before setting the coffee down on the table and smiling at him. “Here.” He looked at you with a surprised look on his face. “I’m sorry for yesterday. I got busy with my coworker Yuji and when I was going to give you your order, you were already gone.” You explained. “That’s why, this one is on me.”

He still didn't say a word. You noticed how he got paler after those words left your lips. Was he okay?

“Is everything okay?” You tilted you head looking at him with curiosity.

“You…” He swallowed, trying to moisten his dry throat. "You remember me?"

You nodded. “Of course I do.” You smiled. “You have been coming here for a few days now. Always at the same hour and always asking for the same coffee.”

Why was he so surprised? You couldn’t understand it but he didn’t look okay.

“You are okay?” You moved closer to him with clear concern on your face.

“I…” He tried to catch his breath, he felt like he was out of breath and in any moment he was going to pass out.

“Hey!” You touched his shoulder and kneeled in front of him. “Tried to follow my breathing okay?” He nodded. And followed your instructions.

“Thank you.” He whispered.

“It’s nothing, but you scared me.” You stood back up. “Kento…”

He looked at you, with a look that you could tell he was confused but then relieved. “Yeah, that’s me… You haven’t told me your name.”

“Y/n.” You said with a smile.

You heard your name being called by Yuji. Shit. Your time was over and you didn’t even get a chance to ask his number but almost gave him a panic attack.

“I’m coming Yuji!” You shouted and turned around to look at him once again. “My coworker is calling me. But stay here as much as you want.”

“I will.” He said your name once again to say goodbye.

“Bye Kento!”

You could die if you heard him pronounce your name one more time. It was so elegant and subtle. You got to Yuji and he looked at you with a face like “what's wrong with you?” to which you tried to ignore him and continue with the work.

Once the clients decreased you started cleaning the area, you needed to be active or you would go absolutely crazy. You heard Yuji talking to someone, so you decided to look over his shoulder. To see Kento in front of the counter talking to Yuji. Instinctively you smiled and stopped what you were doing to go there.

“Oh Kento!” You approached them with a smile.

“Hi.” He whispered only you were able to hear him.

“Y/n, you know him?” The boy wondered.

“Yeah! He comes here every single day, at the same hour and orders the same thing.” You kept on looking at him. “You literally attended to him all these days!”

“Did I?” He titled his head. “I’m sorry I can’t remember.”

“Don’t worry.” He smiled. “A lot of people come here, it’s normal that you don’t remember me.”

“With that face it is hard to forget about you…” You whispered for yourself.

Or maybe it wasn’t for yourself. Shit.

“Oh.” You covered your mouth. “Did I say that out loud?” He nodded. “Sorry! That was very inappropriate! But I think it’s true…You are really handsome and a face like yours is not easy to forget.”

“Thank you. I think you are the first person that has ever told me that.” You nervously looked around, trying to hide somewhere after what you said. You were so stupid. “I wanted to talk with you.” You looked back at him. “If you have time.”

You looked around and nodded. “Yeah, there isn’t a lot of people around, so it’s fine.” You walked to the side, so you wouldn’t disturb the people. “What did you want to talk about?”

“I was wondering when do you finish your shift.”

You opened your mouth, forming an O in surprise. “In…” You thought for a moment. “An hour and a half.”

“Great.” He nodded. “Then I would like to invite you to a coffee, if that’s okay with you of course.”

“I…” You were going crazy, was he asking you out? Oh my god .

“Sorry, I probably made you uncomfortable.”

“No, no it’s not that.” You shook your head. “We can go and grab a coffee without a problem.” That made Kento smile. “But I will have to leave early, I have other things to take care of.” He nodded.

“It’s fine by me.”

“Then… I will see you once my shift is over.”

“Alright.”

Did you have a date? You had a date in less than two hours. You wanted to scream and dance, but you had to behave after all you were at work. Your cheeks hurt from smiling so much. Or by God, what was happening to you, you were really happy.

“Suguru.”

You stopped dead and touched your head, that name and that headache again. What was the name Su… Sug… damn you had forgotten, again.

— comment if you want to be tagged

🏷️: @drownedpoetess @aducksmokingquack @walkingtravesty97 @pdacex @zhenyuuu @n1vi @blendingcaramal @mimiixen @bbyxxm @paprikaquinn @my1fx @alwaysfreakingout @simplysm1le @lavender-hvze

[copperbadge]

oft-goes-awry

... someone needs to buy Ephraim a lot of Williams College merch. Because we are the Ephs. After founder Ephraim Williams. And I think he'd enjoy wearing all the purple cow stuff.

Huh, that's quite timely and interesting actually. There's literally a passage in the story I just posted a scene from, concerning Ephraim and school:

He had some trouble at school sometimes, but his teachers couldn't deny that he was a good, earnest student. He could have gone to college, but he had a good job at the garage the family owned, doing detailing and van art, and his parents made it clear they'd like him to go to college but weren't going to demand a degree at the expense of his mental health. Besides, he brought in business. 

And I'm noting that Williams College has a one-semester maritime program at Mystic-Seaport where you learn maritime history and law and culture. Now who do we know who has a penchant for boats...

Noah and Ephraim are, especially as younger men, sort of like planets in orbit; they do separate, sometimes for long periods, they just always come back into proximity. And Ephraim's well smart enough to go to college, it's just that up until he was a little older, he wouldn't handle the stress and the strangers well. But if, say, Noah were to do the Mystic-Seaport semester, possibly even as a guest lecturer given his qualifications, Ephraim might tag along and find that he likes Williams and is comfortable enough there to stay. (I realize that the maritime program and the actual school are not in proximity but presumably Noah would have business at the school at times, and might end up getting Ephraim housing there on the cheap.) He's really only ever experienced UCSC, which is massive, so he might find he's actually okay at a school like Williams, which is about the size of my own undergrad. It's possible that with his portfolio, he might even be able to get into the Art History MA program without an undergraduate degree. Especially if Eddie or Grandmother Patricia decide Williams could use a new endowed scholarship program for nontraditional students.

Noah at that point will be touring anyway, doing stand-up, so there's no reason for Eph to stay either in Santa Luna or Fons-Askaz. Say Noah's 23 when he finishes up the guest professorship, Ephraim would be 26, graduate two years later -- and given the story I want to tell about Noah in his late twenties, that would time out nicely.

I'll have to tuck it away for consideration if/when I get that far. I like that idea. The Banana Slug and the Purple Cow return to the Little Country By The Sea. :D

[trblsvt]

Hi, idk if you're taking requests (feel free to ignore me if you aren't) but I was thinking about something today

I'm working on a thesis paper for my degree, and I've really been struggling the past couple days. How do you think the members of svt would help when you are struggling to focus on an assignment?

Who would be keeping you stocked on snacks and making sure you stay hydrated? Who would be helping you find research to support your paper? Would someone suggest you take breaks when struggling? Is there anyone who would just try to stay out of the way to avoid being an additional distraction?

thank you for sending this in, this is actually so cute!

pairing | ot13 x fem!reader genre | fluff; college!au warnings | mentions of just studying a lot (if that's even a warning) summary | short scenarios of seventeen members taking care of their s/o when it's peak studying time min | lowercase intended. i actually think i can come up with ideas for all thirteen members

choi seungcheol

you were just so stubborn. "she couldn't possibly study the whole day away," seungcheol grumbled to himself, but he knew you indeed could. lucky for you, he wasn't going to let you do that. he would make you go out for a bit.

he frowned when he saw you hunched over one of your textbooks. "hey," he mumbled approaching you slowly. he stood behind you, hands on your shoulders, and he peered at your computer screen. some sort of coding language he wouldn't even try to engage with. "want to take a break?" he whispered into your ear, sending a shiver down your spine.

"i can't," he practically heard the frown in your voice, not to mention the exhaustion.

"you can," he said, fingers tracing shapes on your arms. "come on, come lie down with me. just for a little bit. i promise you can go back to your work after you come here." you looked at your screen and back to where he stood behind you. you glanced at your screen one last time and got up. "fine, just for a little bit," you grumbled.

"that's my girl," he smiled, pulling you down onto the bed and wrapping you up into his arms. maybe it wasn't going outside or anything like that, but nothing beat having you in his arms. soon enough, you dozed off and your school work had to wait a bit longer.

yoon jeonghan

jeonghan was the distraction you didn't know you needed. "___, come take a look at my new lego set," he called from the living room. you sighed and rubbed your eyes. "i can't, han. i've got to finish this presentation today," you said. he frowned. you were working too hard for the past few hours. he looked at his completed lego set and determined it was small enough for him to pick and up and bring it to you. he shuffled his way to your bedroom where you were working and held out his construction. "look, it's so cute, right?" he smiled. you looked up, and you couldn't help but melt a little. he looked so proud of his little set. "yes, it is very cute, jeonghan. nice job," you smiled.

"well, i have another one i have to build, and i need you to help me," he grinned and grabbed your hand. when you went out into the living room, there were about three other sets ready to be constructed. "now, which one do you want to do?" he asked, squeezing your hand.

"i want to do the flower one," you pointed.

"i was thinking the same thing." maybe a lego break would do you some good.

hong joshua

he would always ask you if you wanted to go out and do something. constantly. every hour. "___, want to go out to the art festival today?" he asked. "they have a bunch of global artists there to show case their art. i'll buy you something you like it."

"josh, i would love to, but these slides aren't get studied by themselves.

"i saw some of the artists on instagram, and they have some really great jewelry. it would look so beautiful on you."

damn him. he knew you were a sucker for handmade jewelry. he came up behind you and draped himself over your shoulders. his cheek brushing yours, and you could feel the cool metal of his earrings against your head. "come on, just for an hour or two," he pleaded. "don't i get to treat my girl once and a while?" you couldn't disagree with that. "then come on, let me treat you. plus, you're already so smart, no need to read these slides again." you sighed, relaxing in his hold.

"there was this gorgeous necklace i saw, would look so good on you," he continued, and he would until he got to clasp that necklace around your neck.

wen junhui

"eat," he said, shoving a bowl of noodles under your face. you stared at him. "i just ate," you shrugged.

"lies. eat."

"you're calling me a liar, wen junhui?"

"yes."

the two of you exchanged stares until you picked up the bowl and ate a bite. he looked satisfied, but he still didn't leave. he actually pulled a chair next to you and crossed his arms, still watching you intently. "what are you doing?" you asked.

"i'm not leaving until you finish eating that entire bowl," he shrugged. you gaped at him. no way. he seriously wasn't going to sit there and watch you eat, was he? jun was like this about food. he always made sure you were eating, no matter what. you couldn't exactly say no when his cooking was so good either. but this, was crazy. "no," you shook your head.

"yes," he nodded. "now tell me about that classmate who has been bugging you."

kwon soonyoung

he was a touchy person. he knew that. you knew that. so when he couldn't be close to you, he got antsy. he got especially antsy when he could easily be with you, but also couldn't because you were preoccupied with something else. today was an instance of that. you were watching some lecture and taking notes. you were clearly busy and preoccupied, but all he wanted was to be close to you. "___," he whined from his place on the couch. "soonyoung," you responded.

"___." he didn't know what to say. he wanted to be close to you. he wanted you in his arms, but that wouldn't be practical with you taking notes. "come here, soonyoung," you called. you knew what was wrong. he was being all clingy again, so you had to indulge him even if you were busy.

he happily popped up off the couch and made his way over to the table. he took his seat next to you. "are you done?" he asked. you shook your head. oh, well then why did you want him over here if you weren't done? "give me your hand," you said, extending your unoccupied hand to him. he did without asking, and he felt better when your fingers clasped against his. "better?" you asked. he nodded. "good, now once i finish, you'll get all the attention you want," you promised.

jeon wonwoo

wonwoo didn't like to disturb you when you were studying. he knew how distracting it could be, so if you were studying he would just come over read a book until you were done. today was different though. he saw how in the past twenty minutes you hadn't even flipped the page. he stared, debating about whether he should ask you about it. your head was in your hands, obviously staring at the page in front of you. "___?" he called out quietly. "are you okay?" he heard you huff, but you didn't say anything. after a couple seconds he saw you shake your head. "aw, baby, come here," he cooed, bookmarking his book.

you sighed and grabbed the text book you were supposed to be reading. "i don't know, i'm reading the words, but nothing's processing and i have to read these pages by thursday," you complained. wonwoo took the book from your hands and let you curl up next to him. "would you like to sleep some? maybe that'll help you later," he suggested.

"i have to read these pages now, wonwoo," you sighed.

"here, i'll read the pages to you then. it'll be like a podcast." you told him the pages, and he pulled up a blanket to cover the both of you. he began reading out loud, and soon enough he noticed you had been lulled into sleep. (you would never admit it to his face, but his voice was just so calming, how could you not fall asleep listening to it?)

lee jihoon

"when's the last time you had water?" he frowned. you looked around your desk. you wanted to say you had something to drink recently, but that would be such a lie. you had no clue the last time you drank anything. time seemingly slipped away. "i don't know, recently. i must've left my glass out there last time i was out," you shrugged. he shook his head. you were just like him in this way. you would always nag him about his hydration and he would blow you off. you would question why he was looking out for you so much and he would do the same. "if that's true, then that means that was about three hours ago," he crossed his arms.

"keeping close tabs on me i see," you said scrolling through the pdf on your computer.

"get up, you're getting water. you need to stretch your legs too."

"are you ordering me around?"

"yes, it's for your own good. you're withering away like a dehydrated plant," he said simply squeezing your shoulder. he was right. the longer he talked about water, the parched feeling in your throat grew. fine. he was right. you needed to get some water.

lee seokmin

"just take a nap! it'll be good for you!" he nagged. you practically hissed at him. "see! this is what i'm saying. don't be so stubborn, come on," he begged.

"seokmin, i can't! i have an exam tomorrow!" you exclaimed. you desperately needed a break, but this exam was life or death for your grade. "come on, you're not going to learn anything new at this point! you'll do great!" he insisted. he was probably right, there wasn't much you could do at this point. you knew what you knew. you hated admitting he was right in these situations. somehow he had learned your study habits better than yourself. "what will you give me if i take a nap?" you shot back suddenly. his eyebrows scrunched up, confused. "give you?" he repeated. "i don't know, a kiss." you pouted. a kiss didn't sound half bad right now. "come on, just sleep a little. have some faith in yourself," he begged.

"get me ice cream and we can talk about this nap thing," you countered.

"anything! i'll do anything for you to rest! just please, rest."

kim mingyu

"this is really boring," mingyu complained.

"i agree," you groaned.

"then let's go do something!"

"mingyu, please, just sit down for a little bit longer." mingyu had this thing if he sat too long watching you do something, that excluded him, he would get antsy. he wanted to do everything with you, but because he had zero knowledge about your studies, it was hard to keep up. you could sense his movement behind you. you needed to find a way to distract him from distracting you, just for another hour or so. "gyu," you called.

"yes," he perked up.

"did you go through those pictures i picked up yesterday?"

"no..."

"how about you go through those, and i promise once you're done i will be done too. just sort through them. they're super cute, it'll totally take up a lot of time." he huffed. he knew what you were doing. you were distracting him. but he did want to see the photos. you insisted the two of you use a disposable camera for your recent vacation, and he agreed. he wanted to see how the aesthetic turned out. "you promise you'll be done?" he asked, getting up.

"yes."

"okay, i'll look through them." when he left, he realized you were right about a couple things. one, the pictures looked gorgeous. two, flipping through the photos took up a lot of his time, and soon enough you were done.

xu minghao

minghao didn't really want to disturb you, so he didn't. he knew you were capable, so he didn't feel the need to nag you so much about breaks or food. of course he would cut an extra serving of fruit for you and leave it at the edge of your desk.

today was no different. you were at your desk typing away and he stopped by and left a plate of fruit on a pile of books. "hao?" you called out before he could leave. he hummed, acknowledging you. "can i ask you a huge favor?" you hesitated. he knew you never asked him for much, so he wondered what this could be about? "could you possibly copy down the vocab for this set of notes?" you asked. when he didn't respond immediately, you got worried. it was a crazy request, why would you drag your amazing boyfriend down with organic chemistry vocabulary? "actually, don't mind me. that's a stupid thing for me to ask. don't worry about it, i'll get to it later," you rushed, waving your hand at him.

"are you saying if i copy down these terms, you'll be done faster and we can watch that movie we've been planning on watching?" he asked, smirking.

"yes, hypothetically."

"hand over the note cards, i've been dying to watch to watch that movie."

boo seungkwan

"you have enough food, right?" he asked, peaking his head through the door.

"yes," you responded.

he nodded and went back out to the living room.

"water? you're hydrated, right?" he asked, not even two minutes later.

"yes," you sighed. "seungkwan, babe, i'm fed and hydrated. i just need to focus on this for one second. i'm okay, i promise." he looked at you and looked at your half empty water glass. "okay, i'll just fill this up real quick! then i can sit in here!"

seungkwan was a bit of a worrier. he always had been. from the first date, he asked you about ten different times if you were cold within the first five minutes. he constantly made sure you were eating enough food and drinking enough water. "you know, i think you should get a snack. i know it hasn't been long since lunch, but all this thinking is burning up all your energy," he said, as he entered the room again with a full glass of water. you learned to accept seungkwan's caring actions, it was the way he said "i love you." and as much as you wanted your alone time to study, you could never say no to him. plus, at this point you think he's your lucky charm.

choi vernon

"this is what i found," vernon said, tossing some books and papers onto your bed. you turned around in your chair and stared at the hardcover books an a couple packets of notes on your bed. "what is this?" you asked, rubbing your eyes.

"this is analysis of journalism throughout the 1960s, right?" he asked.

"yes, i don't understand how that's relevant."

"well, these books are written biographies about promient figures of the 60s, these are research papers about media bias from 1900 to 2000, and these-" he rambled, shuffling through the papers.

only then you realized that vernon had taken it upon himself to find you extra material to include in your analysis. you got up from your place at your desk and wrapped your arms around vernon, who was still talking about the material he gathered for you. "woah, okay, hi," he laughed, wrapping his arms around your waist. you pushed him down on the bed and there you were, together. "what's this for?" he whispered. "did i get the wrong information?"

"no, you got it just right," you murmured. how could someone be as perfect as him?

lee chan

he was so proud of you. you were such a hard worker, but he couldn't physically bring himself to sit in the room and watch you type away on your computer for another minute. plus, he felt a bit awkward too, just sitting there watching your eyes dart across your screen. so usually when you studied, he left the house for a while or just stayed away from wherever you were studying.

if he went out he made sure to pick up some food to celebrate after you finished studying for the night. he remembered the first time he did it. "i got you food, so we can celebrate!" he exclaimed. you stared at him like he was crazy. "i haven't even finished studying yet," you had crossed your arms.

"yeah, i know! but progress is progress! you worked hard. we need to celebrate," he shrugged waving you over. the tradition continued.

he came home with two bags of takeout with all your favorite things. he started to unpack all the food onto the table when you shuffled out of your room. "mmm that smells amazing, thank you so much, chan," you hummed, kissing chan on the cheek.

"anything for my hard worker, let's eat," he smiled.

min | haha this so cute, thank you anon for sending this in :) of course feedback is appreciated! also not proofread at the moment! tagging: @a-wandering-stay

message or send in an ask if you want to be added to my taglist :)

[equallyshaw]

little lion | Luke hughes au! ↠ when luke and liona meet. - fic. ↠ au Masterlist!

warning: underage drinking. word count: 1.4k+

if her father knew whose highrise she was at, and what she was doing- he'd kill her. no, scratch that. he'd ship her to russia, have her grandmother lock her in the basement and never see the light of day ever again. to be frank, liona didn't even know how she ended up here to be quite honest. her and her group of friends since highschool had been invited to a party in newark at an off campus house and then the next thing she knew they were here, after getting a 'better invite'. her and her best friend rain, stood in the corner waiting for gavin and chris to come back with drinks for them. they saw them emerging from the kitchen, and liona sighed. "i cant believe chris scored an invite to a new jersey devils place!" rain whispered yelled and liona smirked. chris handed her a red solo cup, and gavin gave rain one. chris wrapped an arm around the girl's shoulder, and sipped some of his liquid.

gavin and rain began to talk about whatever was happening at law school, while chris and liona just listened. they had no knowledge or the logistics of their degrees, so they just took in all of it as well as the drama. the two ended up rambling on their own while chris and liona looked at one another, before laughing. "you going to see andrei soon?" chris questioned, and kailey shrugged. "i don't know, my dad wants me to come home to visit and offered the Carolina game but i don't know." she said finishing her cup. "im getting another one." she said raising it a bit, and chris nodded. "if you're not back in 5 minutes, im coming and finding you!" he announced and she nodded with a small smile. she weaved in and out of some people, finding her way to the kitchen. she set her sights on a seltzer that was in the open bowl of ice, and snatched it quickly. "is that the last cherry?" she heard to her right, and she looked through the other ones before turning to the person.

she turned to the right seeing a tall boy, brunette curly hair and hazel eyes. she swallowed before speaking, "uh there's no-no more." she stuttered pulling some hair behind her ear. he nodded, "can you hand me a random one then?" he questioned and she nodded enthusiastically and grabbed him a random one. "thanks-" he waited for her to fill in, "uh liona." she responded holding her hand out, he took it softly "luke." he responded, and they let go of eachother's hand. "do you know dawson?" he questioned and her eyebrows crinkling gave him her answer. "who?" she questioned and he chuckled softly. "my teammate, who are you here with?" he questioned. "you play hockey?" she asked softly and he nodded. oh fuck, she thought. "um im best friends with chris." she said and luke made a face of recognition. "i know who that is, he's pretty cool." he said and she smiled widely. "oh yeah definitely wouldn't have kept him around all these years if he wasn't." she tried to joke but it fell flat. she looked at the ground before both of them tried to speak at the same time, "do you wanna-?" and "im gonna go." the two of them blushed and chuckled softly. "would you wanna go somewhere and talk?" he questioned, and she looked back towards her friend group. "ummm.." she trailed off turning back to look at luke. "we don't have to, was just curious!" he said and she shook her head. "id like that, i just need to go tell my friends." she said pointing behind her. he nodded and followed her back into the living room. "hey guys im gonna go -" chris cut her off by greeting luke, and doing a bro hug with each other. gavin also bro hugged him, with rain and luke getting introduced to one another. "were gonna go talk for a bit, ill let you know when im ready to go?" kailey confirmed, and gavin pushed her playfully while chris just nodded. the two walked off towards the small movie room that dawson had.

_

next thing they knew, it was 2 in the morning and the two of them had been talking for a few hours at this point. then she dropped a bomb on him, "you're dad is the alex ovechkin?" he asked eyes wide and wonder lighting up his face. she nodded softly, "ye-yeah." she said shrugging while looking down at her converse. "oh well, that's really neat! you said your parents are not together right? was the schedule too much and stuff?" he asked and she shook her head, "no uh, once she found out she was pregnant with me..they had already broken up and he ended up fleeing back to europe before getting some sense knocked into him. but they used to fight like cats and dogs, some of my earliest memories typically ended up in a fight. so yeah, they couldn't get along longer than a few hours." she hummed, biting her lip nervously. he nodded, "im sorry kai- i mean liona." he stuttered and the way he said her middle name, was heaven. "y'know nobody has ever called me just kai before...but i liked it." she hummed while her cheeks became even rosier. "kai, huh?" he questioned with a glint in his eye, as he grinned. she nodded, "liona kai ovechkin...a mouthful." she hummed shrugging. "its perfect." he responded. "my dad though just says lion or little lion, because apparently im the forthcoming of him or i guess the second coming..." she trailed off with her eyebrows creasing in deep thought. luke found it all quite adorable.

"lion..lioness... definitely suits you." he mused and she snickered. "well if you'd like i can give you permission to call me kai." she teased and his head cocked to the side a tad bit. the two were sitting next to each other on the couch, knees only a mere inch apart. both of them looked over at one another, and luke was debating if he should do what he wanted to do. and that was kissing her. while liona was telling herself he did not like her, he was just being nice.

luke began to lean in and a his left hand quickly found her chin, pulling her softly closer as he stopped a few inches from it. his gaze had been focused on her pink lips, and now they were gazing in to her brown eyes. almost as if to ask if it was ok. she nodded softly once, and his lips were on hers. his right hand came up to her cheek, as she pulled him in a bit by the neck. but luke being the gentleman that he was (because queen ellen raised him right) he did not go any further. they pulled apart, chests heaving a bit as their foreheads rested against each other's. liona was about to lean in again but he pulled his face away by a few inches, and he could see how much that hurt the girl. she stood up, pulled down her shirt a bit by smoothing it and cleared her throat.

"kai-" he said but she put her hand up, not meeting his gaze yet. she shook her head, "its fine. i totally get it, i don't know what i was thinking there for a second." she paused ruffling up her hair a bit, and looked up at him. "its fine, im not sure any guys would want to be with me anyways. so its fine, luke." she rambled before spinning on her heel, and heading out to find her friends. the group had dissipated just a bit. chris was the first one to recognize her from the small group he was in, and quickly made his way over. once he reached her, he saw tear in her eyes. his face and tone in full protection mode, "what happened?" he asked checking her body for any brusies or cuts. she shook her head, "id just like to leave." she said as her voice cracked. he nodded profusely, wrapping an arm around her back and leading her out of the highrise.

not without luke seeing the whole scene play out, and his heart breaking just a bit as they left with his arm around her.

oh lukey... will be doing a follow up to this (:

please like and reblog if you liked!

tags: @cuttergauthier

[carisisrolledupsleeves]

79. "we're not just friends you know that" with Sonny please please

thank you anon, i hope you like.....listening to one of my favorite songs (First Love/Late Spring by Mitski) inspired this....also Peter in Mutual Friends gif because I needed something pre-SVU (also i love Nate sm, iykyk)

i got a bit carried away with this ngl

PS: to anyone else sending prompts, im gonna be super busy in the next few days so i have no idea when ill be able to write again but keep on sending them!

‘Carisi, I swear to God you stay the fuck away from me with that water gun!’ you squeal while running to the other side of the pool to escape the ice-cold water stream he’s been trying to aim at you. 

‘You’re gonna get wet eventually!’ he warns with a smirk, making it sound incredibly suggestive. 

You shake your head at him and roll your eyes but you can’t help blushing at the same time. Admittedly, you love his childish attempts at teasing you, and you know in this atmosphere and with all the alcohol flowing this weekend, the flirting will only get worse. Not that it ever leads to anything. You’re just friends, it’s innocent. So far. And you tell yourself you don’t want it to go further even though you catch yourself staring, your eyes wandering over his body as he takes off his shirt. 

It’s always been like that between you two. Ever since you met as undergrads at St. John’s a few years ago, taking the same sociology course. Sonny ended up sitting next to you, and that same evening you found each other again at a party and had started talking. He was sweet, and funny, and you could see yourself falling for him immediately if it hadn’t been for your recent heartbreak, that grueling breakup from your highschool sweetheart. You’d still had feelings for your ex although looking back now, it must have been nostalgia, and the fact that along with him, you had left girlhood behind for good. Going off to college meant becoming an adult and starting this new chapter was scary. When you met Sonny, all you needed was a friend. And he had been an amazing friend to you all these years, without ever asking for more. 

‘What’s that?’ your girlfriend asks, pointing at your chin and you avert your gaze from Sonny. 

‘What?’ you instinctively touch your face.

‘Oh, it’s nothing. Just swear I could see a bit of drool there.’ she laughs and you shove her.

‘Stop!’ 

‘Hey, I don’t blame you! He is hot. And you know he’s been checking you out in that bikini.’ she states and you swallow the lump in your throat just to let out an awkward laugh. 

‘We’re just playing around. You know how he is. It’s not that serious.’ you don’t know who you’re trying to convince, her or yourself. 

It’s true, your friendship has always been on the verge of becoming something more. The flirting wasn’t even the worst of it; it was the intimacy you shared, the fact that you had always been there for each other when times got tough. When Sonny questioned his choice of becoming a cop after finishing his degree in criminal justice, wishing he had gone to law school instead of the police academy. When your mom had that cancer scare and your dad was losing it, absolutely helpless and unable to take care of himself while she was getting her treatment. It wasn’t just fun and games. At the end of the day you had a deep and true friendship, and neither of you wanted to throw that away. 

But you can feel something shift. It is the way he looks at you as the sun goes down on that first day of your 4th of July weekend. Between laughs and giggles your eyes meet and he gets all quiet and serious, and there’s something in the air you can’t quite grasp. Or maybe it’s the way that friend of a friend asks you about him. If he’s single, and her smile in his direction when you tell her he’s not seeing anyone as far as you know. And then as you get tipsy in order to forget about it all, you realize that he’s keeping his distance for some reason, when he would normally be right by your side, having shots with you, annoying you with his lame jokes. 

Your phone vibrates and it’s a text from Sonny. A song by one of your favorite artists that you weren’t even aware he knew of. You look up to scan the crowd for him and find him sitting by the pool by himself, a bottle of beer in his hand. 

But I find that lately I’ve been crying like a tall child

You know the lyrics by heart, and there it is again, the lump in your throat. And that devastating feeling in your gut you’ve ignored so many times in the past. The longing to be close to him, to reach out and touch him, you’ve fought time and time again. His eyes meet yours and you draw in a sharp breath, wishing he would just go back to goofing around with you instead of this. Because this, you can’t come back from, you can’t undo.  

The only thing you can do is flee but he catches up with you just as you reach the top of the stairs, about to go hide in your room. Sonny’s hand grabs yours and you turn around to face him. And all of a sudden his lips are on yours.

Even if you wanted to protest, you can’t. It feels too good. After the initial shock you kiss him back, your hands are around his neck as his wrap around your waist. Maybe this isn’t right but you want it. You want him. Finally admitting it to yourself is your doom but what if it’s a blessing at the same time? Harboring this secret for so long, these fantasies you had about him and you, what if he’s had them too? Or was it all just another silly little game encouraged by the summer heat and booze?

Please, hurry, leave me, I can’t breathe

Please don’t say you love me

A spark shoots through you and starts to linger between your thighs as his tongue slips into your mouth, a needy moan on his breath. No, you can’t. You can’t give in to this if it’s simply a desire you have to satisfy, or curiosity. Your friendship means too much to you, and it would ruin everything. 

One word from you and I would jump off of this ledge I’m on, baby

Tell me “don’t” so I can crawl back in

You push him away and Sonny gives you a confused look, searching your eyes for the answer to a question that hasn’t been asked. 

‘We can’t, Sonny.’

‘Why not?’ 

‘Because…I know we would regret it. And then I would lose my best friend.’ you reply, looking down on the floor to avoid his blue eyes piercing into yours.

‘We’re not just friends, you know that.’ he whispers, his finger under your chin lifting up your head again. 

‘Don’t…’ you’re scared of what he’s going to say next but it bursts out of him.

‘I’ve been in love with you since the day I met you. But I knew you were hurting and being your friend was enough for me. I would never ask for more if I didn’t think it is what you wanted as well. And now we’ve been in denial for so long, and I keep thinking, what if it’s all in my head, y’know? So, please. Tell me it’s not all just in my head.’ he pleads and you can see his eyes filling with tears and it feels like your heart is twisting around itself in your chest. 

‘It’s not just in your head.’ you assure softly, your hand reaching out to touch his cheek where an ecstatic smile appears. 

‘So you’re in love with me too?’ Sonny asks, sounding like a little boy. 

It’s time to let go of your fears. Your own insecurities that had been holding you back although he had always brightened your day, always made your heart beat faster, ever since he asked you your name on that very first day of college. 

‘I am, Dominick. I’m in love with you.’ you confess, biting your lip shyly before kissing him again. 

A sweet, timid kiss, and yet it doesn’t take long until you pull him towards your room, shoving him against the door the second it closes. He groans, his hands traveling under your short sundress before almost tearing it off you. The rest of your clothes, and his, follow, landing all across the room. 

‘Fuck, you should always be naked. You’re so beautiful.’ Sonny breathes as you push him down on the bed, straddling him. 

‘I would get arrested.’ you grin, feeling him hard against you.

‘Good thing I’m gonna be a cop soon.’ he chuckles, his hands wandering over your body, making you tremble as one finds its way to your wet folds.

‘Dominick…’ you moan his name as he starts dragging his fingers back and forth through you, his thumb on your clit, massaging there. His touch is heavenly. 

You lift your hips again to guide his hard cock into you, letting him fill you to the hilt as you sink down on him. Fuck. In all your wildest fantasies you could have never imagined how amazing he would feel, stretching you in the most delightful way, throbbing so deep inside you. His thighs tense as he lets out the prettiest moan, taking in the sensation of your pussy around him, so wet and tight.

‘God, baby, you…-fuck!’ Sonny pants as you start moving on him, your fingers digging into his shoulders, waves of pleasure already crashing over your body. 

Finally being with him is exhilarating. The way he grips your hips, pulling you down harder onto him, showing you exactly how badly he wanted you for all this time. And you’re desperate for him too; your lips on his neck, sucking, licking, nibbling as blind passion takes over. His deep moans are music to your ears, unleashing something inside you you didn’t know was there before. You push him back on the bed in order to ride him harder, and his mouth hangs open as he watches his cock disappear into your glistening cunt. It doesn’t take long and you’re both panting hot messes, close to your orgasms. Sonny reaches down to find your clit, rubbing tight circles and you clench around him in response, feeling yourself climbing towards that peak and you steady yourself on his chest, smiling down at him. 

‘’You’re so fucking hot.’ you purr breathlessly. ‘You’re gonna m-make me c-cum. Fuck! Dominick!’ 

He thrusts up into you roughly, hitting that sweet spot just right, sending you over the edge. You come hard, scratching his skin and making him hiss as your pussy twitches around his cock. Your orgasm is earth-shattering, and if it wasn’t for the loud music downstairs, everyone would have heard your moans, the string of curse words leaving your mouth as you shake. You keep riding him, your flushed body grinding against his as you feel him tensing beneath you, and he spills into you, crying out your name. Fuck, having him come inside you makes you feel even more delirious; having him rub your clit still, making you pulsate around him again and again. 

When you finally collapse next to him you are both struggling to catch your breaths, and your thighs are still shaking as he pulls you close, kissing your hair. You remain like this for God knows how long before you decide you’re in need of a shower and you get up, dragging Sonny with you to the bathroom where you turn on the light.

‘Oh shit!’ you gasp, staring at his chest.

‘Guess I will have to keep my shirt on for the rest of the weekend.’ Sonny states, as he looks down, noticing the red scratch marks all over his upper body.

‘I’m so sorry.’ you cover your mouth with your hand, looking at him apologetically. 

‘Don’t be. I like it.’ he bites his lip, wiggling his brows at you. 

You have to laugh, and he reaches out to tickle you, to make you laugh even harder. The excitement of it all makes you dizzy. Dominick makes you dizzy. And your hands are all over him once more as you step into the shower, the feeling of his body pressed against yours making you moan again.  

request a prompt from the smut prompt list 🔥

[ellies-little-thing]

STAPP I COULD'VE DROP MY CROISSANT! (e.w.)

My masterlist <3

pairing: ellie williams x fem!reader

Warnings: Roommate Ellie ,Modern Ellie; swearing; fluf; arguing; Ellie is mean;  smut; reader is referred as she/her; reader has a vagina; drinking; violence (a punch or two) Kind of proofread, English is not my first language.

Author's notes: I love mean Ellie. I dont know if this is very good, i tried my very best and had fun with it. Enjoy! I hope you like it! Likes, reblogs, comments and feedback are always welcome! <3 (sorry, i have vines living in my head rent free)

NSFW MINORS AND MEN DNI

w/c: 23k

You are in your second year of university and your roommate, Ellie, is the worst roommate anyone could ever have, really. Whether it’s pestering you while studying, not doing the dishes, the TV being too loud or yelling at the people she’s playing video games with, at 3 AM.. it’s always SOMETHING. Tonight, just like always, she didn’t do the dishes and the TV volume was set too high to the point where you couldn’t concentrate on studying. You took the TV remote and muted the volume. You can't handle it anymore. She's been doing this for months and feels no remorse. You're tired of this and decide to do something about it and confront her.

“Hey! What was that for, you asshole?!” Ellie yelled, taking the remote back from you.

“I'm trying to study!” You say clearly annoyed.

"Then put some noise-canceling headphones on and stop stealing the TV. It’s a school night, remember?” Ellie rolled her eyes, putting the volume back up and pausing whatever you were watching. "Can't you go study in the library?" She asked, taking a snack out of the fridge.

“You put on the fucking headphones, and stop being so loud and annoying!” You shout at her.

"Nah, you go study somewhere else!" Ellie pointed towards the door, holding up a bag of snacks and opening it loudly. "Besides, I'm just gonna eat, it'll only be about 5 minutes." She takes out a tiny chocolate croissant and eats it.

“You're impossible...” You pinch the bridge of your nose.

"Nah, but you are with all your studying. I mean, we're in college! This is supposed to be the funnest time of our lives! When else are we going to get to stay up, eat junk food, and watch movies as much as we want?!" Ellie turned up the TV, which was the main cause of your annoyance with her.

“Yeah, we’re in college to get a degree that isn't exactly cheap!” You threw a pillow at her to lower the volume.

“Hey, stop! I could've droped my croissant!” Ellie ducked to avoid the pillow, picking it up and throwing it at you in retaliation.

“Oh, so you want to throw stuff! Fine!” You catch it and throw it at her hitting her square in the face. Ellie put the TV on full volume. “I can play this game better than you can! Can’t study now, can you?”

“I'll unplug it!” You threaten her.

"Try it." Ellie said, leaning back against the couch, eating her snacks, and waiting for you to try something. You get up and walk to the plug. Ellie’s eyes follow you as you walk over to it, but doesn’t say anything, just eating her snack. You unplug the TV. “You’re so lame.” Ellie says under her breath, finishing her snack. You unplugged it without saying one word and went back to your books. Ellie rolls her eyes and plugs the TV back up, pressing the on button and turning it up even louder than previously.

“Fuck you Ellie!” You say angrily.

"You know you love me." Ellie says smugly, laying back and stretching her arms over her head, eating her snacks, seemingly content now that the drama has started.

“If only you could be that lucky.” You respond, happy with your comeback.

“What was that?” Ellie turns her head towards you, taking the last bite of a chip before reaching for another bag and speaking with her mouth full. You take the remote from her and mute the tv. Ellie reaches for the remote, batting your hands away and unmuting it again. "You're being really rude, you know?" Ellie says in between bites from a few more chips.

“You are the one being unbearable!” You shout at her.

“Unbearable? Oh, you are SO adorable! I’m just trying to eat my snack and watch TV! It’s not my fault you’re the one here with the stick up your ass!” Ellie says, her tone and language being increasingly foul with each sentence.

“I swear Ellie, I'll punch you one of these days…” You are very seriously debating it.

“Oh, big scary Y/N is going to punch me because I’m too much fun to be around! Whatever shall I do!” Ellie sarcastically says, throwing her hands up in dramatic fashion before rolling her eyes. You take the remote muting the tv and putting it in your pocket before going back to studying. “Hey! Give that back!” Ellie says, quickly jumping up from the couch and trying to grab the remote in your pocket.

“No!” You yell.

"Give it back right now or else!" Ellie says, trying to dig her hand into your pocket to retrieve the remote.

“Or else what?” You look at her with a challenging look in your eyes.

“Or else you’re gonna have a fight on your hands!” Ellie says, her tone and demeanor shifting from playful and annoying to something more aggressive and serious. “So. Give. It. Back!” Ellie says, pushing her hand further into your pocket. You secure the remote so she isn't able to take it from you. “Hit me then.” You challenge her.

“Oh, I would love to!” Ellie says, stepping forward and slapping your face, though clearly not putting 100% effort into the slap, but still enough to sting. You were actually a little surprised she had the balls to slap you, so you slap back her as hard as you can, and bolt into your room still having the remote with you and lock the door. Ellie's head whips back from the impact of your slap, before her expression filled with rage. She runs up to your locked door, banging on it incessantly, yelling at you to give the remote back. You cry in silence so she doesn't hear or notice. Your face was stinging quite a bit.

"I know you're in there, Y/N! I'm not going to stop until you open this damn door!" Ellie yelled, banging harder and harder. "GIVE ME MY REMOTE BACK!"

“No! Fuck you! Go watch tv with your friends!” You are so angry now.

"I don't NEED friends when I can just annoy you instead!" Ellie says, her voice rising in pitch with the rage she feels. "OPEN THE DOOR!"

“Oh that's right, you don't have any friends because no one likes you!” You spit back at her.

"Oh, you're gonna be really sorry you said that." Ellie says, slamming a shoulder into the locked door. You ignore her as she continues banging on the door, and tries to kick at it. “OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!”

“No! I don't think I will!” You stand your ground.

"YES, YOU WILL!" Ellie continues banging and trying to kick the door open. "OPEN THE DOOR OR ELSE!"

“Or else what? I'm not scared of you!” You say as rage fills your body.

“Or else I’m going to MAKE you open this door!” Ellie says, banging and trying to kick harder. “YOU THINK YOU’RE SAFE IN THERE?”

“What are you gonna do?” You ask her mockingly.

Ellie stops banging on the door and grins in a predatory way. “You know that window of yours can be unlocked from the outside too, right?” Ellie says, her tone and expression showing she was capable of anything if you didn’t let her in.

“Yeah, and we are on the fifth floor you idiot!” You laugh at her.

“Oh, don’t worry, I won't die. Maybe cripple myself a little, but I can still live.” Ellie says, her voice filled with sarcasm as she smiles. "Let me in, or I'm coming in anyway."

“No.” You continue, not budging.

"I said I'm coming in one way or another!" Ellie says, attempting to unlock the door from the outside. You open the door so she can see you step on the remote and break it in front of her. Ellie watches with a smug expression as the remote is being broken, but then rage builds up inside her again as her remote is destroyed. “YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT! YOU COULDN’T JUST GIVE ME MY REMOTE BACK!?” Ellie yells, kicking at the door.

“You can have it now, it's all yours.” You pick the pieces of what was once a remote and  then throw it at her and close your door, locking it again.

"Oh, no! It's too late for me to keep the remote now! You broke it, you dumb ass! So now I just need to come in and teach you some manners instead!" Ellie says, kicking harder and harder at the door. “Go be annoying somewhere else!” You shout through the door.

"No, no I don't think I will." Ellie stops kicking and leans against the door. "You know, it's really easy to kick this door open. Don't make me do it, it might hurt."

“Then you'll have to pay for the repair!”

"Oh? You think I can't afford the repair, huh? How poor do you think I am all of a sudden?" Ellie says in a mocking tone. "And besides, you started this! It's entirely your fault the remote is broken, not mine!"

“Oh it's my fault you are waking up half of the dorm right now?”

"Uh, yeah!" Ellie says with a sneer. "This wouldn't have been an issue if you weren't being such a baby by not sharing the remote! Or better yet, going to the library!"

“Fuck you Ellie.”

"Awww, are you losing your cool? Are you upset?" Ellie taunts you, knowing what she was saying was getting under your skin.

“Go to bed.”

"Aww, no way! I'm not tired! I'm too busy annoying you to be tired!" Ellie says with pride.

“Whatever…”

"Yeah, hide in your room, little baby Y/N!" Ellie yells. You open the door and flip both of your middle fingers at her.

"Oh, is your voice too tired to not talk to me while you give me the finger? Do you need your nap, baby Y/N?" Ellie taunts you again with a smirk on her face.

“I'll punch you, I swear.” You really want to.

"Oh, I can't wait!" Ellie says, still leaning against the door with a smirk, as if baiting you to attack her. You get closer to her and punch her in the stomach. Ellie steps back as you punch her in the stomach, gasping. "O-Ow! What's the problem with you?!" Ellie leans over, rubbing her midsection as she catches her breath.

“I said I'd do it and so I did.” You say, smirking.

Ellie, still recovering from the punch, glares at you with a scowl. "You hit me?! You shouldn't hit me! Or anyone!" Ellie says, acting like you committed some kind of great sin.

“Like you didnt slap me just now!” You shout at her filled with rage to the tips of the hairs in your head.

"Well, that's different! I'm Ellie! I'm allowed to hit you! In the grand scheme of this world, I'm a lot more important than you are, Y/N! I’m popular and smart, so me hitting you is totally fine!” Ellie says with a haughty expression, as if her status and reputation in the world gave her the right to hit anyone she pleased.

“Sure you are Ellie, sure you are.” Ellie was the class clown and very popular with the girls. You can't lie, she is beautiful and charismatic when she wants to be.

"Ohhhh, is that sarcasm I hear?" Ellie says, rolling her eyes. "You better watch your tone, Y/N! This is Ellie you're talking to.”

“Oh, you're getting smart now? Didn't know you were able to perform miracles!”

"Oh hey, I've always had a few brain cells, just decided not to use them with you, Y/N. You're just not worth the effort.” Ellie says, still smirking.

“Then leave me alone.”

"Nah, I need to teach you some manners first!" Ellie says, pointing a stern finger at you.

“You're such a child…” You say, swinging your head from side to side looking at her.

"Oh wow, I thought you were a bit more mature than that! Saying mean, bad words like that!" Ellie said in a sarcastic tone.

“Yes Ellie, you act like a kid.” You’re not wrong here.

"I DO NOT!" Ellie said defensively, before letting out a huff and crossing her arms.

“Well. you sure look like one right now.” Ellie, frustrated, kicks her feet and looks away, acting like she was offended you called her a child. “Even throwing a temper tantrum… impressive.”

Ellie rolls her eyes. "I am not having a tantrum. A tantrum is what a two-year-old has, I'm a lot older than that, thank you very much!"

“Then what do you call knocking at my door, almost breaking in and shouting at me to give you the remote?”

"I would describe that as just wanting my damn remote back." Ellie says with a smug expression, not realizing she was just describing herself throwing a tantrum.

“Go away!” You almost screamed at her.

"No. I will not go away." Ellie says with pride, not leaving and not willing to back down.

“FINE. Do what you want, I'm going to sleep.”

"Oh, but I don't want you going to sleep." Ellie says with a smirk, blocking the door and not letting you leave.

“I'll punch you again.” You are very serious about this and will do it again if she continues with this attitude.

"I dare you to try." Ellie said, not backing down and staring you dead in the eyes, as if provoking you to attack her now.

You punch her and go back to your room. Ellie falls to the floor, holding her face as her eyes immediately start to water up.  "O-Oh, my god! You actually hit me! I-I'm bleeding! You're gonna pay for that you... you little..." Ellie curls up onto the floor, holding her face and still crying from the pain.

“You're not bleeding.” You say, not even looking back at her.

Ellie wipes at her nose, and it clearly is bleeding a bit. "You hurt me! I can't believe you hurt your roommate! I can't believe that's the person you are! I... I..." Ellie trails off, trying not to completely freak out and cry now that she's actually injured.

“Just leave me alone and stop harassing me!” You close your bedroom door.

Ellie lays on the floor, still holding her injured face and waiting for you to come back and apologize. "Wow, the pain is killing me..." Ellie says quietly to herself, rolling over onto her stomach. "I can't believe that's the person I live with.. I know I'm not a saint, but... I'm just a bit annoying sometimes.. I'm not someone who resorts to violence!" Ellie says, burying her face in a pillow as she cries.

You look at your knuckle and you see a bit of blood. You feel a bit guilty as you lay down on your bed. Ellie keeps crying into the pillow, making sobbing noises and sniffling as she tries to quiet herself. You get up and knock on their door. At the knock on the door, Ellie sits up and wipes her eyes. "Oh... Y/N is that you?"

“Yes, it's me…” You say reluctantly.

"Oh, uh... you gonna say sorry?" Ellie asks, the hope of an apology clearly in her voice.

“Can I come in?”

"Awwww, please do!" Ellie says, sounding like a little kid begging for their parents to let them do something. Ellie, still on the floor and wiping her face with the pillow, opens the door to let you in. "Come in."

You have an ice pack on your hand for her as you enter. "Oh, thank you. I appreciate the help." Ellie says with a small, genuine smile. "Here, let me see that..." Ellie takes the ice pack and places it onto her swollen face.

“I did punch a bit too hard, sorry.” You apologize.

"It's ok. Just don't do it again please, or else, I'll probably have to punch you back." Ellie says, smirking at you and putting the ice pack away. "Now, uh, can we talk about why you were so mean to me earlier? You know, the remote issue?"

“I'm tired of you never letting me have any peace.”

"Oh, I get it now. Why didn't you just say so? I can be annoying, that I completely understand! I just wanted to have some fun, I didn't mean to go overboard." Ellie says, patting your shoulder. "But I guess I did, and I am sorry for that. You know I can be a little over-the-top sometimes. I don't mean to get on your nerves."

“But I did tell you, like a million times!” You're getting angry again.

"Oh, right. You did, didn't you? My bad, I guess I just didn't really take you all that serious, if I'm being honest." Ellie says with a shrug, as if she could help herself. "But, I'll try to be a bit more considerate, Y/N. I don't want to push you over the edge again."

“Ok, i'm gonna go to bed now, good night..” You say dryly.

"Oh, yeah, you're gonna go to bed? Without making me a quick snack?" Ellie asks, her tone becoming mock-complaining. "Y/N, you better make it up to me in the morning! I'll see you!" Ellie says jokingly, smiling at you and waving goodbye.

You just go to your room and try to sleep. You close the door to your room and lay down, waiting to drift off to sleep. But, something keeps nagging at you in the back of your mind. You feel guilty for hurting Ellie, and you're starting to wonder if she's ok. She's been such a bad roommate for so many months now. She has been bad, really bad. But...  she doesn't deserve to be hurt either. You don't want her to keep annoying you, but you certainly don't want to hurt her in the process. You debate with yourself as you lay in bed, unsure of how to move forward.

You wake up the next morning, feeling refreshed and ready for the day. As you start to head to your first class, your mind wanders. You can't help but wonder how Ellie is feeling, if she's ok right now. You head straight to class, determined to put the Ellie situation in the back of your head. You spend your day focusing on your own studies, trying not to worry about Ellie. When you come back to your room at the end of the day, your mind begins to wonder again. After all, she is your roommate, and you do have to live with her for the rest of the semester. Ellie might be annoying, but she is still a person, and she can be nice sometimes. As you enter your living room, you see Ellie sitting on a chair, reading a book. She looks up as you enter, then looks away awkwardly. "Oh, uh... you're back! How was class?" Ellie's voice sounds a bit strained, like she was trying to sound relaxed, but still tense and nervous. “It was ok.” You say to her. You can see her face is a bit bruised where you punched her the night before.

"Oh, nice. Hey, you know, I feel kinda bad now. What happened last night..." Ellie says, not sounding that confident as she spoke. "Not that I was really hurt, but... y'know what, nevermind. I was annoying, I had it coming, end of story." Ellie says, sounding like she was expecting you to be angry with her.

“I just want to be able to rest without you making noise all night long. And for our dorm to not be a complete chaos as you leave stuff everywhere.” You explain to her.

"Yeah, yeah, I completely understand that." Ellie says, nodding with genuine understanding. She didn't like making your nights so uncomfortable, but it was just her nature to be loud and annoying. "Hey, can I ask a favor of you?" Ellie says, with a slightly nervous expression.

“What?” You ask with a tired look on your face.

"... Could I borrow your remote for tonight?" Ellie asks with a sheepish smile, not wanting to ask, but still not wanting to just barge in and take it. "I know I've been annoying, and now that I know you just want to relax, I'll be quiet. But I... I don't want to just sit in my room, bored out of my mind. So... Could I have it back? Only for tonight, I'll give it back tomorrow morning, I promise."

“Sure, here…” You hand her your remote.

"Thank you." Ellie takes the remote from you and gives you a small smile. "Have a nice night. I promise, I won't make a peep."

“Good night.” You say as you walk to your bedroom. You go to bed, feeling like tonight will be quiet for once. Ellie stays up in her room, watching TV and enjoying the remote for herself. 

You wake up the next morning, feeling good and refreshed to see this new and improved Ellie. Now that she's being nicer, hopefully, this will be a fun and peaceful rest of the semester. As you get ready for class, you hear Ellie wake up too. But, just as you expected, not a single peep is heard from her. She must have been serious about not being a nuisance, and you're glad for that. As you take your seat in class and open your notebook, you see Ellie sitting nearby, also starting her day. Seems like things are on their way to improving in the roommate department.

As you and Ellie spend the class doing your work, you feel a slight awkwardness in the air.

Ellie looks back at you a couple of times, maybe sensing the tension. But, she hasn't made a sound or even gotten close to trying to annoy you. Maybe she's learned that you don't respond too favorably to her usual shenanigans! You try to ignore the tension between you and Ellie, just focusing on your course work and getting through the class. As you hear the bell ring, signaling the time is up, you pack up your stuff and begin to head out. Ellie does the same, not saying a word to you, but not really seeming mad either. For a moment, you wonder if this is going to start a new chapter for your roommate relationship.

As you get home that night and head into the living room, you see Ellie playing a video game with a friend. Ellie is completely focused on the game, and doesn't seem to notice you come in at all. While she continues playing the game, she and her friend laugh and exchange jokes and stories as they play together. Ellie actually seems like a fun and nice person when she's not trying to get attention.

You go to your room, not wanting to intrude on Ellie's good time. She seems like she's enjoying herself and having fun, and you don't want to ruin that. As you go to your room, you wonder if Ellie will eventually come to you to talk to you about anything that's been going on with her. A part of you is secretly hoping she will, but you don't want to assume that or get your hopes up. You go to your room and spend your time studying, focusing hard on your tasks as you try to keep your mind off of Ellie. Ellie doesn't seem to interrupt you at all this time, either. Maybe that's just the way she's gonna be now? Calm, quiet and not annoying at all? You know it's probably too early to assume that, but a part of you is optimistic that she's going to behave that way from now on. A small part of you is actually sad that Ellie has gotten a bit quieter. I mean, sure, she was super annoying and it's nicer to get some peace and quiet. But, you enjoyed her presence, and now that she's so quiet, you kinda just feel... lonely and bored.

You hear Ellie's friend leave, meaning that it's just Ellie by herself again. Ellie seems to be just sitting in her room, trying to find something to keep herself entertained without bothering you, which is... really sweet of her, actually. You don't see it often, but Ellie genuinely wants to give you the space that you need, which is incredibly thoughtful of her. You start to think that Ellie must be mad at you for punching her or something, given how quiet she has been just recently. It's not like her to want to be alone that much, unless something has gone wrong. You wish you knew what was up, but you don't want to just assume anything and make Ellie madder.

You send Ellie a text, asking if she's alright. She sees the text, and texts back. "Yeah, I'm fine. I was just being a bit obnoxious... thought it'd be best if I just be quiet. I don't wanna bother you so I'm gonna be silent from now on if that's what you prefer." It seems like Ellie actually is taking your complaints to heart and going to be more considerate now.

“Oh, ok... thanks.” You respond. You expected a more heated message from her.

"No problem." Ellie texts back, seeming to appreciate the acknowledgement. She sends you a small smiley emoji, and texts you back a bit more. "Oh, and, uh... sorry for all the noise. For what it's worth, I wasn't purposely trying to bother you. I just get energetic sometimes, and forget how loud I am. Anyways... thanks for being so understanding and sorry for annoying you."

“Sorry for punching you so hard.” You respond. "It's fine, I probably deserved something like that for being so annoying." Ellie seems to be understanding of why you got so pissed off with her, but she's still a bit sad about it. "Just hope that doesn't make you hate me... because, uh, yeah." She sends you another emoji, of a nervous and awkward smile. "I'm gonna let you get back to your studying, I should be fine. Just don't beat me up again, yeah?"

“Okay, good night.” You don't know what else to say.

"Good night. Sleep tight..." Ellie replies with a small emoji of a smiling moon. Maybe Ellie isn't trying to annoy you as much, but she's still your roommate, and she still wants to know you and have a connection with you. She really does care, even if she's not the best at showing it.

The feeling of guilt doesn't seem to go away. You feel like you hurt Ellie's feelings with your outburst, and that thought won't just go away now. Maybe you should see if Ellie is okay with everything, and try to make up with her. “Are you sure you're not mad?” You text her again.

Ellie texts back. "I was a little hurt at first, but you know what? I'm fine. Really, don't worry about it. Besides, sometimes I need a harsh reminder to be more considerate to someone else, you know? It's no big deal." Ellie seems understanding of your feelings, and isn't mad at you over the situation. Her words certainly make you feel a bit better, though.

You lay in your bed, thinking things over. Ellie seems to be understanding of your feelings and not mad at you, and she's even promised to be more considerate. Yet you can't sleep, your thoughts still swirling with the whole Ellie situation. Shouldn't you try to make up with her? You can't keep being mad at her, you'll ruin what you have. Maybe you should go apologize to her, and see if she's willing to forgive you.

Just as you're about to fall asleep, you hear Ellie coming out of her room. You peek out of your room, and find Ellie going back into the living room. As she shuts the door, you can't help but wonder if maybe she's up to something. You get up, pretending that you're heading to the bathroom. You enter the living room and see Ellie in a seat, on her phone with a stern look on her face. She doesn't seem to hear you come in, and you don't want to disturb her.

“Hey?... can't sleep?...”

Ellie looks at you as you speak up, caught off guard by your voice coming out of nowhere. She seems a bit embarrassed and guilty, like she thinks she got caught doing something bad. "Oh! Uh, hello. I was just... trying to find something to do while I couldn't sleep." Ellie smiles nervously, then looks back down at her phone. "Don't feel like you have to stay awake, either. I know I already ruined your sleep schedule this semester, so just... go spend the rest of the night in bed."

“What's the matter?” You ask her.

"Oh, well, I'm just a bit guilty because I know I've been bothering you all semester. I was just wondering if you would forgive me." Ellie looks up from her phone, giving you a guilty expression and looking almost like she's about to start crying. It seems like the guilt of hurting you is seriously starting to get to her, and she wants you to know how sorry she is.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be so loud and annoying all the time, and..."

“It's fine, let's just forget about it.” You give her a small smile.

"Thanks, and I will. I know that I can be a loud dumbass a lot of the time, I'm honestly surprised you haven't punched me more." Ellie seems more relaxed now, feeling relieved that you won't hold it against her for too long. It's so weird hearing her swear so casually and sound so chill. It's like Ellie is a completely different person to the one you've known. "Hey, can I borrow the remote back? I want to finish my show before bed, if that's okay."

“Yeah, sure, keep it.” You say trying to give her a sympathetic smile.

"Thanks, Y/N. You're cool." Ellie takes the remote back, and you hear her changing the channel on the TV. Ellie seems pretty content to have the remote back, and you wonder how long this new chill version of Ellie will last. You go back to bed, leaving Ellie to enjoy her show in peace. You wonder if maybe this is the new Ellie, a more calm and considerate version of her. If that's the case, then you two could have a much more friendly relationship from now on, like roommates who are actually friends. You go back to bed, and think about Ellie and if her recent behavior changes are here to stay.

After a few days, you start to see the new and improved Ellie in action more and more.

Ellie seems quieter, but in a good way. She's considerate and thoughtful, and you can tell she's trying to behave differently. As you spend more and more time with her, you find yourself getting used to this version of your roommate. She's still your roommate, but now she doesn't annoy you, and you don't feel annoyed by her. Things are looking up, and you wonder if Ellie's attitude change is permanent.

“Hey, morning.” You say quietly.

"Morning, Y/N." Ellie is in the kitchen, having breakfast just like always. She seems like she's in a pretty good mood, and smiles at you as you come inside. Ellie's new persona sticks out like a sore thumb to you, almost like she has an entire new personality. She's nice, considerate and actually quite charming. It's a stark contrast from what she was when you first shared a dorm, and it's pretty surprising. "How was your sleep?"

“Good, yours?” You ask a bit hesitant.

"I slept pretty well too, thank you." Ellie smiles at you, seeming totally normal and... nice. You're still getting used to the idea of Ellie not being an annoying person, but you're starting to think this is who she really is. Maybe her annoying nature in the past was just her acting out due to not getting enough attention or something, who knows. 

"What are you doing today?" Ellie asks.

“Nothing really, it's the weekend and I don't have any plans.” You tell her.

"Just some relaxation, huh?" Ellie smiles at you, seeming to not mind at all not having any plans. She's become surprisingly chill about things, you never really see her annoyed or angry about stuff nowadays. You think she's enjoying her weekend, maybe just having some coffee and enjoying her time. You wonder if you two could be... friends? It's not impossible, is it?

“This feels weird…” You say not looking at her.

"Weird? What's weird?" Ellie looks up from her coffee, looking at you with a genuinely confused expression on her face. "This is who I am, I guess? I'm trying to be nicer these days." Ellie isn't being hostile, you think she really is just genuinely asking what you mean, trying her best to understand.

“I have never seen you act like this.” You say to her.

"Like... normal?" Ellie is caught a bit off guard by your comment. She still doesn't seem mad about it, though, more confused than anything. "But yeah... this is how I'm gonna be from now on. Hopefully, at least. I'm trying, I swear." Ellie smiles at you again, seeming completely sincere too. She seems genuinely surprised by the fact that you notice this change in her behavior now too. Maybe she thinks this is the default way of acting.

“Thanks.” You say still not very confident with it all.

"No worries. I gotta try to be a better person, it's important." Ellie smiles back at you, and finishes her coffee. Ellie looks a bit exhausted, actually, like she didn't sleep too great. But she's still not acting annoyed or annoying, just... normal. You wonder if, with Ellie acting like this, you two can go back to being friendly roommates now?

"Why are you looking at me so strangely?" Ellie asks, noticing your stare.

“Nothing, sorry I'm gonna go sleep a bit more.” You say trying to make it seem as if you were not staring at her just now.

"It's fine, I understand. You can always catch up on some sleep." Ellie smiles at you, and you notice a faint blush on her face. She's still a bit awkward when being nice, it seems. "I'm gonna go to campus to study, if that's okay." Ellie says, finishing her coffee. She seems like she's getting comfortable in this new role of being nice to you, and not being so defensive about how you think of her.

“Ok, bye.” You say as you go to your bedroom.

"Seeya. Sleep well." Ellie nods at you, and leaves with her stuff to head to campus. As she leaves, you start to think about this new Ellie. She still has her personality, but is no longer annoying you. This could work, right? Ellie and you finally have a friendship, the kind of friendship you've always wanted out of your relationship. Maybe things are looking up with Ellie.

You don't know how Ellie's annoying nature seemed to put you off, but now it seems like she's just... normal? She's not so bad anymore. As you get into bed, you just can't seem to shake this feeling that somehow, Ellie is up to something. What if it's all an act? What if she really is trying to change and be better? As you lay in bed, you think about Ellie's new personality and what it means for your relationship. You're still a bit confused as to why her behavior changed so heavily, it even catches you off-guard from time to time. You think about telling her that she can stop with the act now, but... is it really an act? Maybe this is really Ellie from now on. It's hard to tell, and that uncertainty makes you a bit uneasy.

You hear Ellie coming in from campus, as you stay in your bed and pretend to be asleep.

"Huh... She's back?" You think to yourself, wondering what happened while she was away.

You can hear Ellie put her stuff down and head towards the bathroom. "Y/N, I'm just taking a shower, then I'm going to bed, alright?" Ellie says from the bathroom. She seems pretty convincing as she is this more considerate role, and you just nod and tell her it's fine to use the shower. As Ellie showers, you're back to thinking about your relationship. Things seem better, and you wonder if you and Ellie can be better friends in the future. Maybe she's really trying to change for you, and it's not just an act. Your thoughts are cut short, when you hear Ellie talking to herself in the shower. You stay perfectly still in bed, trying to listen in on what Ellie is saying. You can hear her talking to herself, her voice soft and gentle. She seems to be talking to no one in particular, just saying words out loud to herself. "I just have to keep this up a little longer..." "I can do it... I know I can." The tone is still gentle and peaceful, which means she could just be talking to herself about being nicer.

“A bit longer?” You think to yourself. Your curiosity is getting the better of you, and you can't help but keep listening to Ellie to find out what she's talking about. You listen closely to what is being said, and you can hear her say: "I just have to maintain this, keep it going... I'm just gonna keep being nice." Ellie seems to be trying to stick to this new nice version of herself, and it seems like an active effort that she's putting into it. You wonder if she's trying to change for herself or for you. You keep listening in, and you begin to think that Ellie is trying to change this part of herself for you. However, you notice her start to whisper something new. "I know you don't think I can do it, but I know I can change... I can be a good roommate to Y/N..." Ellie is whispering, but you can hear her clearly say your name to someone. Who could she be talking to at this late hour, and could this be because of you?

You try your best to be as quiet as possible while you listen in, waiting to hear if Ellie will say anything more about you and the fact that she's changing for you. However, Ellie just keeps talking to herself. "I just have to keep doing it, this new me will stick eventually. She'll see, and I'll prove to her that I changed." Ellie seems to be talking to herself, but she seems really determined to change and be a nice roommate. You hear the door to the bathroom close, and a few moments later, Ellie walks into her room, looking all fresh and clean. Ellie is still a bit groggy after her shower, so you decide to stay in bed and pretend to sleep. Ellie goes back into the corner of her room, and looks around to see if everything is in place. She gets comfy in her bed, and you can hear her softly say. "Goodnight, Y/N..." You hear Ellie lay down in her bed, and you try not to move too much while you pretend to sleep. The whole "new Ellie" thing has you curious. She's nice to you now, and she's trying to be your friend. You wonder if Ellie really is trying to change for you, if "new Ellie" is the real Ellie.

You wake up in the morning, and as you get up to shower, you see Ellie still asleep in her bed. Ellie looks peaceful, like she slept well last night. "Ellie seems to be really trying to stick to this new version of herself, maybe she really can change for good?" You think as you head into the bathroom. After the shower you get dressed for the day, and you feel like today could be a good one. The fact that Ellie changed overnight is still confusing, but she seems genuinely nice to you now. Ellie is still asleep in her bed, looking peaceful and content. You think that she is really going to change. Maybe you two can finally be friends, after all these months. You decide to go for a morning walk, and as you get out, you notice that the sun is shining bright in the sky. It's a good day for a walk. Ellie is still asleep as you leave, and you think about how much nicer she is lately. You wonder how long she can stick with this change before she goes back to her old ways, or if she really has changed at all.

After a bit, you come back from your walk. It was a good start to the day, and you feel pretty great. As you come in, you see that Ellie is still asleep. She seems calm and content, still happy to be the new Ellie. Ellie seems to still be sticking to her new personality, and you wonder how long it'll last. Maybe she'll stick with it, and be the new Ellie permanently. Or maybe this is just a phase, or it's an act? Ellie still being asleep and looking so peaceful makes you a bit worried, though. Does she even sleep well as this new Ellie?

You decide to stay in the living room and just relax. Ellie is still asleep in her room, and you wonder how long she's been asleep for now. Maybe it's better to let her get some rest, you think to yourself, since you wonder if this new Ellie even sleeps well when she's so nice. You just watch videos on your phone for a bit, just relaxing and thinking about how different Ellie seems now. You watch videos for about an hour or so, and suddenly, you hear Ellie wake up from her bed and come out. She looks tired, but still a bit refreshed too, like she's had a good amount of sleep. Ellie comes out, stretching a bit, and you wonder if she slept well. She sees you, and her face lights up with her new normal-ness.

"Ohhh, good morning!" Ellie says with a nice smile.

“Morning…” You say, still confused. She seems to be in such a good mood today, you wonder if this change in her behavior is permanent. "How was your sleep?" you ask, looking up at her. Ellie's new and improved mood seems to still be present, and you hope that this is how she will be from now on.

"It was pretty good, how was yours?" Ellie responds. She's still acting all friendly and approachable, looking at you like you're a stranger that she's just met. You wonder if maybe she's trying to give you a chance, or just trying to be polite. Ellie is acting so differently, it's difficult to tell if this kindness is really genuine.

“Fine.” You’re still suspicious of her.

"Good, I'm glad. So... what are we gonna do today?" Ellie asks, looking at you. She seems to be waiting for your response, and she seems genuinely curious at what you're doing today.

“Don't know, nothing planned, you?” You ask her curious.

"Not really. I probably should go to campus and catch up on my studies, though." Ellie says, looking back at you. "I'm happy for you to tag along, if you want company." “Sure” You say, still unsure about all of this.

You leave the apartment together, and head off to campus. As you walk together, Ellie starts to talk again. "So... how are you? You seem nice too." Ellie seems to be asking with genuine curiosity, her tone coming off a bit like she's awkward about asking. She's clearly not used to being nice, and you wonder if this new Ellie will even last.

“I'm sorry but, i have to ask…” You needed to know this.

"What's up?" Ellie responds, looking at you curiously. Ellie seems like she wants to hear what you have to say, and she seems to be asking honestly.

“Are you really trying or just pretending?” You just need to know and hear it from her mouth.

"Well... I am trying, definitely. The last months have been... a bit tough. I've realized that I've been a mean and horrible person. So, I'm trying to be better and nicer. For me. But also for you.." Ellie looks down while saying this, clearly thinking about your question a lot. "I can't guarantee that this is how I'll be for good, I'll probably keep slipping up. But I am trying to be a better person. I hope that's good enough for you."

“Thanks for the honesty.” You give her an awkward smile.

"Yeah, of course, I want to improve. I don't think it's fair for me to keep being horrible to everyone, especially since you're trying to be nice to me. You're my roommate, we should be nice to each other." Ellie smiles at you, as she looks forward while walking. "Is there anything else you want to ask me?" Ellie asks, clearly wanting to answer any and all questions you ask of her.

“Why were you so mean before?” You ask her, looking at the floor as you two walked.

"I dunno... I don't really know why I'm so mean to everyone. I think life kinda made me be like that, you know? It made it hard for me to be nice or pleasant to anyone. It still feels weird when I'm actually being a nice person, but I'm glad I'm improving, at least." Ellie keeps looking at you, hoping to make you understand. "I just wanna be better, I don't want to be a horrible person anymore."

“It's just so weird to see you now, sorry.” It really is weird to see a completely new person in Ellie's body. It doesn't seem right.

"You don't have to apologize. I know I'm being pretty nice, it's probably weird to see me like this, after how horrible and mean I've been to everyone." Ellie says, looking down slightly. "I wanna be nicer though. I do." Ellie is acting weird, but it seems to be because she's not used to being nice like this to people, and not because she's trying to put on a facade or fake it. Ellie is really trying to be nice, but it seems difficult for her still.

Your phone buzzes and you get a text from your group of friends. “My friends just asked me if i wanted to go to a party tonight, you want to come?” You say trying to change the subject.

"A party? Tonight?" Ellie says, a bit shocked by the question. "Well... sure. Sounds a bit sudden, but okay. Are you going?"

“Yeah, my friends are really pushing me to go to this one, not sure why.” You explain.

"Well, why not go out and have a good time? Don't let them push you too much, but also it's okay to have fun." Ellie says, trying to encourage you to go and have some fun. "And yeah, I'll come along."

“Okay.” You smile at her.

A few hours of studying later Ellie says. "Well, we should probably get ready, then. Get dressed, and all that." Ellie is pretty relaxed and nice about all of this, and it makes you think that this new Ellie is really going to last for good.

“Yeah, maybe we should get ready.” You walk back to your dorm to change.

"Alright then, let's go get ready." Ellie goes and gets changed, picking out her favorite t-shirt to wear to the party. "I'm actually really excited for this, I haven't been to a party in months." Ellie says, smiling. Ellie seems to be getting dressed up pretty nicely, excited for the party.

You go to your room and close the door to get dressed and ready. As you close the door, you hear Ellie talking, and you're a bit curious what she's saying. "Well, I don't want to mess this up. I have to make sure Y/N likes me tonight, I need to be nice the whole time. I have to be okay. I have to..." As you listen in, you hear Ellie whispering to herself again. You wonder if she's preparing for the party, and how she can just be nice to you the whole night.

You think to yourself about whether Ellie will be able to stick with this new version of herself. She's being genuinely nice and polite so far, but maybe she's just being fake for the party. Either way, you decided to give her a chance too, and see how it goes tonight. Ellie seems to be trying, and you'll give her the benefit of the doubt for now.

You put on your favorite dress and a bit of makeup, to make yourself look nice for the party too. As you come back outside, Ellie finishes putting up her hair in her usual half bun. "Oh, so we're both gonna look cute tonight! Nice." Ellie says, looking at your dress. Ellie seems to be genuinely excited for the party, and not just faking it.

“Well, thanks.” You say blushing a bit.

"No problem, you look good in that dress." Ellie says, looking you up and down. "Ready?" Ellie asks, seeming excited for the party. She grabs your hand and drags you outside, ready to go to the party and hopefully have a good time. As she grabs your hand you start feeling funny. It doesn't feel right. Ellie is clearly excited to go to the party, and she seems to have her mind set on being nice to you tonight.

You eventually make your way to the party, and Ellie takes you by the hand as you follow her inside. Ellie seems to know some people, and leads you over to a group of her friends. Ellie introduces you to her friends, and you feel like you might be able to make some new, nice friends yourself tonight. Ellie's friends know who she is, and seem surprised that she's been nice as well. They seem to be talking about her and her past behavior, and you start to feel a bit awkward and nervous.

You let go of Ellie's hand, and she seems a bit confused and surprised. You were feeling uncomfortable holding hands with her. "Why are you... letting go?" Ellie asks, looking at you. Ellie seems confused and surprised, and she doesn't understand why you would want to move away from her now. She thought she was making progress in her attempt to be nice, but by letting go of her hand, it seems like you don't trust her anymore.

“I'm just gonna go get us some drinks…” You say as an excuse.

"Oh... okay then. I didn't know you wanted to go get drinks." Ellie says, a bit confused. Ellie still seems nice, but this whole exchange has made her feel confused. She's really trying to be better, and you seemingly just don't trust her at all. Ellie seems a bit sad, but she lets it go and just leans back against the wall. She'll stay here and let you do your thing, and she'll just wait for you to come back with drinks.

You go to the kitchen and pour something into two solo cups. You down your drink in one go and pour it again, then you go back to Ellie as if everythings fine. "Hi. Here's your cup." You say, looking at her like nothing happened. Ellie seems to be pretending like she didn't notice you let go of her hand, and that you don't really trust her. Ellie has her own cup now, and she's acting a bit strange and awkward around you still. And you have no idea why. You started sipping your drink.

"Sorry, I got distracted earlier." Ellie says awkwardly, clearly still pretending like there wasn't anything wrong between you two. Ellie doesn't seem that comfortable still, and you don't know if she's just having a bad day or something, or if she's still putting up an act. Ellie seems to be drinking her drink slowly, not sure what to say to you at the moment.

“Are you okay?” You ask her a bit uncomfortable. "Yeah, I'm fine." Ellie says, sipping on her drink. "Why do you ask?" Ellie looks at you, trying to see if you noticed something. Ellie seems to be wanting to make sure that she's still being nice and not letting her emotions slip up again.

“Nothing.” You try to let the weird interaction go. Ellie seems to relax a little bit now, and she lets go of the awkward conversation. "Anyway... I'm glad we're getting along!" Ellie says, trying to start a better conversation than last time. Ellie seems to be trying to forget about that awkward moment, and move on to enjoying the party. "Shall we try to go and talk to people?" Ellie asks, drinking a bit more of her drink. Ellie and you walk over to a bunch of her friends. She gets a bit excited, and starts to talk to them like this is normal. Ellie tries to introduce you to everyone, and you can feel her smiling and having a good time. You feel a little awkward, but you try to smile and enjoy the party too. After a few minutes you have to go to the bathroom. "Oh, sure. Go to the bathroom, I'll just hang out with my friends. See you in a bit." Ellie seems happy and enjoys her time with her friends while you're gone. As you come back outside, you notice Ellie is still talking to her friends, but she sees you and leaves the conversation with them, walking up to you again. "Hey, I'm glad you're back. We can go back to the party, if you still wanna be there?" Ellie asks, smiling.

“I'm just gonna go get some fresh air, you stay with your friends and catch up!” Ellie looks confused, and seems a bit hurt by your decision. "Okay then, I can hang out with my friends, I guess." Ellie says, sounding a bit annoyed. Ellie decides to go back to her friends, while you go outside. You can see Ellie looking over at you every now and then, probably wanting your attention, or wanting you to come back inside with her.

You go outside, and take some time for yourself. You light up a cigarette to calm yourself down, and take a few drags as you clear your mind. Ellie sees you out there, smoking. She doesn't think it's a good thing for you to do, especially with your asthma. But right now, she decides to mind her own business. Ellie goes back to her friends, and starts to talk again. Just like she said. You can see Ellie looking up at you occasionally, worried that you might leave the party and not stay there with her.

You sit down for a bit. You seem to be trying to calm yourself down and clear your mind. You're out here for quite a bit, and Ellie eventually comes out too. She looks at you, seeming worried. "What are you doing out here still?" She asks, a bit confused. Ellie seems to really want to spend time with you, but right now she's more worried about your safety. She's thinking that you're not safe out here, and she wants to help you.

“Just getting some fresh air…” You say trying not to look at her.

"That's good, I just... I'm worried about you, is all. You know, with your asthma. I just don't think smoking is the best idea." Ellie says, starting to sound like a bit of a mom. She still seems worried about you, and wants to make sure that you're safe. You can feel her eyes on you for now, but she doesn't know what to do, since you don't really want to come back inside.

“It's just once in a while.” You don't really see the problem here.

"I get that it's just every now and then, but I still don't like you doing it. It's not good for you, okay? You have asthma, you can't smoke often if you want to be healthy." Ellie says, looking really worried now. Ellie can't seem to let it go anymore, and she's starting to get slightly angry, because she doesn't think that smoking is a healthy thing to do. She's getting overprotective again, and is sounding a bit like your mom, but she's trying to help you.

“Ellie, I'm an adult, I can make my own decisions, okay?”

"I know you're an adult, but... I care about you. I don't want to see you ruin your health, especially when you have asthma! If you're gonna be making your own decisions, I want to at least make sure you make good ones." Ellie says, clearly a bit mad at you. Ellie doesn't want to be a mom here, but she's getting overprotective again and can't let it go. She's doing it because she cares, but she also wants you to understand that smoking is really bad for you.

“You never cared about it before…” You say quietly.

Ellie seems to have taken offense to that comment. "Well, now I do! And it doesn't matter if I cared or not before, I care about it now." Ellie says, still trying to look out for you. Ellie seems to be really caring right now, to the point where she's almost nagging you or getting mad at you about smoking. She sounds pretty rude, but she's doing this because she cares. "You shouldn't smoke. It's not good for your asthma, and I don't wanna see you get sick over it."

You put your cigarette out, and Ellie starts to calm down a bit. "Good. Smoking is really bad for you. You need to take care of yourself, okay?" Ellie says, now sounding a lot calmer. Ellie still seems to be nagging you a bit, but it's out of genuine care for you, and she doesn't want to see you get hurt.

“I just need to be alone for a bit, i'll go back in a few minutes okay?”

"Oh, yeah, sure. Go ahead. I'll be inside, come find me when you're ready. Don't be gone too long though, alright?" Ellie says, trying to calm herself after that outburst. Ellie seems to have gotten over herself a little bit, and is starting to be nice again. She's happy that you're going back inside, even if she was a bit rude just before.

You come back a bit later and go get another drink. Ellie gets up when she sees you. You and Ellie walk up to the bar, and Ellie orders herself another drink. You notice her smiling and acting a bit happy again. She doesn't seem angry at you anymore, and you and her just walk around the party. She seems to be having a good time, and she's talking to her friends again. You also notice that Ellie has gotten pretty tipsy and drunk. She's not that drunk, but she definitely had a few drinks by now.

“I think you maybe shouldn't be drinking anymore tonight.” You say to her concerned.

"No, no. I'm fine, I know my limits." Ellie tells you, giggling to herself once again. Ellie seems like she's having fun, but you can also see that she's drunk. She probably isn't in the best mood to make good decisions right now, so you might want to be careful with what you do and say around her. You look at her a bit worried and then drink your beer. As you look at her, anyone can see that she's pretty drunk. Ellie seems happy and excited, and probably doesn't notice your look of worry. She tries to take your hand, but misses, and grabs your wrist. She doesn't want to fall over or anything, but she does want to be close to you and hug you.

“Ellie, please let me go.” You are not feeling comfortable with her touching you without a warning. Ellie doesn't want to let you go, but you make it clear that you want her to step away. Ellie doesn't want to make you feel uncomfortable, so she lets you go. She looks a bit disappointed, but she tries to still act normal. The alcohol from the drinks has made her a bit more emotional than usual, and she seems a bit upset now. You can feel her watching you as you go.

You watch as Ellie approaches another girl at the party. Ellie starts talking to her, laughing and smiling as she does. You can't hear what they're talking about, but Ellie seems really happy talking to this girl. The alcohol is making her less serious now, and she's acting a bit more loose and happy. You see Ellie acting like herself again. She's smiling and laughing, and it seems like she's making a good new friend here. You've never seen this girl before, but she seems like she's enjoying talking to Ellie, and vice versa. The alcohol is definitely making her act a bit differently than you're used to. You look over at the dance floor, and you see Ellie dancing with the girl you just saw her talking to. They're both smiling and having a good time, but you notice Ellie starting to hold the girl a bit more. She seems to like hanging out with this girl, and dancing closely to her. She seems to be enjoying herself, but you can feel that there's almost something more to it than just friends.

You watch as the dance between Ellie and the girl gets more and more intimate. Ellie and the girl start to kiss each other, and you can almost feel the electricity between them. Ellie looks excited, nervous, and happy all at once, as she enjoys this moment with the girl. You can still see Ellie watching you here and there, but now she's really distracted by the girl.

You decide to go to the bathroom, not wanting to watch Ellie make out anymore. Ellie doesn't notice you leaving, and she continues to enjoy her time with this girl for now. After a bit, Ellie breaks away from the girl, and you can see her looking around for you. She's probably trying to see if you're still at the party or not.

You look out, and you see Ellie return back to the girl and make out with her again. Ellie is drunk and having a good time, and she doesn't really care if you left right now. She's having too much fun with this girl, and right now she doesn't want to stop. You see Ellie and this girl start to hug each other more closely, as they continue to make out. You decide to leave, and don't want to deal with Ellie making out with this girl. Ellie doesn't notice you leave, and she goes back to the girl as if it never happened. You leave the party, and Ellie stays there with the girl she just met.

You get home after the party, and start to take off your makeup and your dress. You look at yourself in the mirror, and you know that this isn't how you wanted the night to end. You feel a little sad now, but deep down you know that Ellie was just being her usual self again. She gets excited and can't contain herself, and she's probably not going to remember most of tonight. The party ended in a way you didn't want it to, but you have to accept it. You can try and talk to Ellie about it tomorrow, if you still want to. “Me and her have nothing, I have no right to be jealous.” You say to yourself and you know you're right, you have no right to be jealous. You and Ellie aren't a thing, no matter how much of your own feelings you might project onto her. This girl was just another girl, and Ellie got excited and drank too much. She doesn't think that it's a big deal, but she probably won't remember this in the morning. You can try and talk to her about it tomorrow, but for now you just have to accept the way the night ended.

You try to go to sleep, but you hear Ellie come home. You also hear another voice though, probably that of the other girl. You know that you shouldn't try and listen to them, but at the same time you probably want to hear what they're talking about. It may not be anything important, but it could be something related to you. At the same time, if you listen then you could risk Ellie not liking you anymore, because she might think that you were spying on her.

You try your best to ignore the noises outside your room, but after a while the sounds become harder to ignore. You start hearing moans outside, and you can't help but be curious about them. The sounds are getting pretty loud now, and you might have to find out what's going on outside. You look through the gap in the door, without making any noise. You see Ellie and the girl taking their clothes off, as they seem to be getting ready to do something. You quickly turn away and walk back to bed, trying to act like you didn't notice anything. You want to pretend that this never happened, and that you're sleeping peacefully in your bed right now. Ellie doesn't seem to have noticed you looking at her, so you're safe for now.

They go at it for about an hour, and you were there to listen to it the whole time. You couldn't sleep because of the noise, but you didn't want to say or do anything about it. You didn't want them to know that you were there. You listened to them go at it for an hour, and you're feeling a bit angry and sad now. You also notice that you're starting to feel a bit jealous of this girl. You should try to avoid thinking about it, and try to sleep again. You try to sleep, but it's not that easy. You're frustrated and feeling a bit jealous, and you can't seem to just let go of the whole thing with Ellie. The noises finally stop, but you still have to go to sleep. Try to focus on how you're feeling right now, and don't blame Ellie too much. It's not her fault that she was drunk and didn't make the right choices. You want to be her friend, and you need to learn to let things go sometimes.

You wait until you're sure that Ellie and the other girl are sleeping in her room. Then, you decide to go to the bathroom to let your emotions out a bit. You close the bathroom door and look at yourself in the mirror. You're feeling frustrated and jealous about what happened, and you know that you need to let these feelings out. Try to take deep breaths, and focus on something other than Ellie right now. You can talk to her tomorrow if you still want to. You keep telling yourself that you have no right to be jealous, but you know that you're jealous nonetheless. You can't help but feel like Ellie and the girl just had something happen between them, and you're jealous of the girl and of the attention she just received. You feel a bit hurt or maybe even betrayed. You thought you were closer to Ellie than that, and it hurts you to see her make these kinds of choices with another girl.

You go back to bed after a bit, and you try to sleep again. You eventually fall asleep, but the emotions from before are still affecting you. You can't really seem to get rid of the fact that Ellie slept with another girl, and you know that this isn't the way you imagined things to go. You're not able to sleep too well because of this, and your mind is keeping you up.

In the morning you went to the kitchen and go eat some cereal and watch as the girl leaves Ellie's room. You notice that the girl has left Ellie's room. You decide to make some cereal for yourself, and you want to see how this is going to play out. Ellie seems pretty hungover and tired as she enters the kitchen, and she just sits at the table by herself. She doesn't seem to have noticed you yet.

You don't say anything as Ellie walks into the kitchen. Ellie doesn't say anything either, and she just sits there in silence for a bit. You want to say something to her, but you know that she's probably embarrassed about what happened last night. You can try and ask her about it if you want, but it may also be better to just let her tell you if she wants to. Right now, it seems like Ellie wants to keep quiet. You finish your breakfast and go back to your room. You probably shouldn't talk to Ellie, and she probably doesn't want to. You have to accept the outcome here, and just go about your day. Ellie might tell you about what happened last night later, or she might not ever bring it up again. But you can't force her to do anything, and you have to let her deal with this in her own way.

You get dressed and go to your classes, trying not to think too much about what happened last night. You probably won't see Ellie at your classes today, since she might be too embarrassed to go or might just want to skip them entirely. But you have to do what you have to, and you have to go on with your life the best you can. You'll probably see Ellie next time you're at home, so you can talk to her about last night if you still want to. But for now, you just try and get through your classes.

You get home at the end of the day, and you see Ellie on the couch slouching still in her yesterday's clothes. Ellie's on her phone, and she seems to be doing nothing else. You can see that she's still wearing the clothes from last night, and you feel a bit weird. Ellie doesn't notice you come in yet, and she seems to be completely focused on her phone. As you close the door, Ellie looks up at you. Her face has a bit of a tired and annoyed look to it, and you can tell that she didn't get much sleep last night either. Ellie doesn't say anything to you, and instead she just looks back at her phone and keeps scrolling through it.

You ask Ellie awkwardly, "So... had fun last night?" Ellie looks up at you again, and she doesn't say anything for a bit. She keeps looking through her phone, and she finally responds with a slight nod. Ellie still doesn't seem to want to talk about what happened last night, and she seems to be avoiding any sort of conversation about it. But from her response, you can guess that she probably did have fun. “Ok, i'll be in my room.” You say embarrassed that you asked anything at all. Ellie looks back at her phone and doesn't say anything else. She keeps scrolling through her phone, and you can tell that she doesn't really want to talk about what happened last night. She just wants to brush it off and move on. You close your bedroom door as you go in, and you can hear Ellie moving around. Ellie is still there, still on her phone in the living room. But you can't hear much anymore since you're in your own room now. You don't know if Ellie wants to talk to you right now - she might just be avoiding you. You'll just have to wait and see what happens next.

A few hours later, you hear the door opening and you can feel Ellie come into the hallway again. Ellie's footsteps are a bit lighter now, and you get the sense that she might want to talk to you or at least say something to you. You can hear Ellie come up to your bedroom door, and you think you hear her knock on your door softly.

“What?” You hear Ellie knock on your door once, and you hear her say "Hey" very softly. Ellie seems to be waiting to hear your response now, and you start to wonder if you want to talk to her or not. You say hi but you don't look at her though. Ellie looks at you, but she doesn't say anything for now. Ellie seems surprised that you let her inside and she isn't sure what to say. She might not have expected you to actually listen and talk to her.  You stay quiet and don't say anything, and you see Ellie stay quiet as well. Ellie looks a bit awkward right now, and you can tell she's not exactly sure what to say. She's also probably a bit embarrassed about what happened last night, and she might not want you to ever bring it up. Ellie seems to want to talk about something, but she's not sure how to begin this conversation. So far, it seems like she wants you to be the one to start the conversation first.

You couldn't bear the silence anymore. You wait for Ellie to speak for a bit, but she still isn't saying anything. After a few seconds of silence, you ask her, "What is it?" Ellie still seems to be thinking about what to say, and she's avoiding eye contact with you. It seems like she wants to talk about something specifically, and she doesn't want to say it out loud yet.

You look at Ellie and ask her, "If you're not gonna say anything, why did you knock?" Ellie finally looks back at you, and she seems to be embarrassed that you were able to call her out like that. Ellie responds, "W-well... I wanted to... talk with you... about last night..." You look at Ellie, and you see that she's trying to find the words to say something to you.

Ellie finally speaks, saying, "I wanted to chat with you... about last night..." Ellie seems a bit hesitant to speak, and she's having trouble saying what she wants. It seems like she wants to talk about the fact that she slept with the girl, and she's trying to find the right way to explain herself to you. You tell Ellie "Ok" in response to what she said, and you wait for her to speak again. Ellie looks at you for a moment "About last night, I just... want to say that... I..." Ellie trails off and doesn't say anything else. She seems to have trouble talking about this, and she seems to think that you might judge her for what she did.

“What is it Ellie?” Ellie looks at you once again and speaks, saying, "About last night... I just wanted you to know..." She trails off again and doesn't say anything else. She seems to be really struggling to speak, and she might be too scared to say anything out loud. It seems like Ellie wants you to know something about last night, or at least how she's feeling about it. But she doesn't seem to be able to say it.

You sit back down at your desk in your room, and Ellie looks at you for a moment before she finally speaks. Ellie says, "I just wanted you to know... I'm... sorry..." Ellie seems to be trying to explain herself, but she's having trouble saying too much. She might be sorry for sleeping with that girl last night, or she might just be sorry for not being honest with you. Either way, she at least has something to say to you. You look at Ellie and ask, "Sorry for what?" Ellie seems to be waiting for your response, and maybe she also wants you to ask this question so she has a chance to explain herself. Ellie hesitates a bit and finally says, "Well... sorry for... sleeping with that girl last night..."

“Why? You and I are just friends... just roommates…” You say a bit uncomfortable.

Ellie looks at you for a bit and says, "I... I know... but... you see..." She pauses for a moment and then continues saying, "It's just... I just... I was feeling a bit... lonely... and she... it just happened..." Ellie doesn't say anything else but it seems that she wants you to know how she feels about last night. You think she feels bad for what happened, or at least for not being upfront with you about it right away.

You look at Ellie and tell her, "You don't have to tell me anything, it's none of my business." Ellie looks back at you and then says, "I know... but..." Ellie takes a deep breath "I don't want to keep any secrets from you, and..." Ellie pauses again and looks down at her lap, trying to find the right words.

“And?” You ask so she continues explaining herself.

Ellie looks up at you, "I don't want to keep any secrets from you, and I... I know you probably deserve to know more than I've been telling you right now. I... I..." Ellie seems to be struggling to say what she wants to, but she doesn't seem to want to keep you in the dark. You pretend to be doing homework while you wait for her to say more. Ellie takes a deep breath and continues, saying "I think I might actually really like her..." Ellie pauses and looks down at her lap again. She seems to be struggling to get these words out and to tell you this, and she seems to be very embarrassed about herself.

“That's okay Ellie, you can like other girls. It's never stopped you before…” Ellie looks up at you and says, "That's okay? Really?" Ellie smiles at you and then says, "Thank you for understanding..." She seems to feel a bit better now that you aren't judging her and you still accept her as a roommate or a friend.

“Why wouldn't it be okay?” You ask not looking at her. Ellie looks at you and says, "I don't know... I just thought you might be upset or something..." Ellie looks down at her lap again "I just thought it might make you not want to live with me or..." Ellie pauses for a moment and doesn't say anything else. She looks like she's waiting for your response now.

She pauses for a moment.  "I was worried that I'd told you all of this and you'd hate me for it. But if you're attracted to girls too, then I can't be all that bad... right?" Ellie waits for you to say something to her, but you don't respond. Ellie isn't sure what to say now, but she does have one more thing to say to you. She tells you, "I think I want to date this girl that I slept with last night... if she'll have me." Ellie smiles at you. "I don't know if she'll say yes, but... I don't feel too ashamed about it... so that's good, right?"

“Yeah, that's good Ellie” You say, feeling super jealous. Ellie smiles at you and says, "Thanks... I wasn't sure how you'd feel about it... what with me being your roommate and all... but I'm glad it doesn't bother you... as my friend." Ellie thinks for a moment. "Do you know how I should even ask the girl if she wants to date? I mean, it might be too soon to ask her on a date, but what are you supposed to do after you sleep with someone? Should I wait a few more days or weeks or..."

“I don't know Ellie, I never just slept with anyone.” You say dryly, still with your back to her.

Ellie pauses for a moment, seems to laugh a bit, and then says, "I didn't know that sleeping with someone could be so complicated."

“Yeah, being drunk doesn't help either…” You say a bit annoyed.

Ellie nods and says, "Yeah... being drunk doesn't help at all... I shouldn't have had so much to drink last night." Ellie laughs a bit and says, "I can't even remember how I ended up taking the girl home... I just... woke up in bed with her and it was like... wow, that happened..." You continue to pretend to work on your homework while you listen to Ellie explain her feelings and thoughts about last night. Ellie seems to be struggling to sort out everything in her head, but it seems like she's really happy that she can talk to you about it. She talks for a bit more, telling you everything that happened from when she met the girl at the bar to when they both ended up in bed together.

“I don't think I want to know the details…” You really don't want to hear the things she did with the girl. Ellie seems to be about to say more but then stops herself. Ellie smiles at you and says, "Oh... right... you don't want to know those kinds of details. Maybe I shouldn't be telling you about it..." Ellie sounds sad and disappointed that you don't want to hear everything that happened last night, but you don't really want to hear all of it anyway.

“I'm sorry, I just don't want to know the specifics.” You felt like you were about to cry if she spoke another word. Ellie nods ."I understand, and that's okay. I just wanted to tell you a bit about it and let you know how I felt about all of it... so that you wouldn't be too surprised when I come home with a new girlfriend..."

“It's okay, you don't have to explain anything to me.” Ellie looks at you and says, "Yeah... but I wanted to... for some reason..." Ellie seems to think that it's important for you to know everything, even though you don't really want to. Ellie smiles at you., "I'm just going to go text the girl and ask her out... so if you don't mind, I'm going to do that now."

“Ok, bye Ellie.” Ellie smiles and says, "Bye... and thanks again for being so understanding about this... I appreciate it..." Ellie takes out her phone and starts typing out a message to the girl. Ellie smiles at you once more and says, "Hopefully this will all work out... and hopefully you don't mind if I bring her home."

“Sure, whatever Ellie.” You were so done with this conversation at this point. Ellie nods and gives you another smile. She finishes typing her message and then texts the girl. She waits for a few moments before the girl replies. Ellie checks her phone, seeming to be reading the message that she just got, and then she gives you a smile. "I just asked her out, and she said yes!"

You give her a thumbs up trying not to show how jealous You are. Ellie seems to be really excited that the girl agreed to go on a date, and she gives you a thumbs up in return. Ellie starts to text the girl again and says, "I'm gonna ask if she wants to come over tonight or tomorrow or something... I hope she can come..." Ellie seems really excited and she waits for the girl's response. You start paying attention to your books again, while Ellie is texting the girl that she just asked out. Ellie looks up at you for a moment and says, "Oh... she said that she's free tonight and that she'll be over in a few hours... so..." Ellie seems to be a bit nervous and excited at the same time, since this will be the first time that she's bringing someone home to the apartment with you as her roommate. She seems to be waiting for your response now.

“That's fine, i'll be in my room, i won't bother you” You start tearing up. You tell Ellie that you won't bother her or her date and that you'll just stay in your room. Ellie nods and says, "Thanks, that would be nice... I hope we won't be too loud i... we probably won't, but..." Ellie trails off and doesn't say anything else. She is starting to have doubts about this whole thing, but she also knows that the date is already coming over in a few hours, so she can't really change it now.

You close the door to your room and it gets a bit quieter. You start working on your homework for a bit and then you hear a knock on the front door. You think, "That's probably Ellie's date." You keep working on your homework but you listen to see what the two of them are doing. You hear them talking for a few minutes but you can't make out what they're talking about.

You put your homework to the side for a moment and try to listen to what Ellie and her date are saying. You still can't make out exactly what they're saying for the most part, but you can hear Ellie laughing from time to time. The other girl also seems to be laughing and talking too, so it seems like their date is going well. You start to feel like maybe you should give the two of them some privacy, so you stop listening to their conversation and you get back to your homework. You focus on your work and you think about your own love life for a moment. You wonder if this is how your own first date will be like, when the time comes. A few minutes later, you hear the front door open and close again. You listen for a while to see if you hear the two of them talking again, but you don't hear anything after a minute or two.

After a few more minutes, you don't hear anything in the apartment. It's possible that Ellie's date left already, but it could also be that she and Ellie are in her room and they're not making any noise that you can hear. You decide to wait for at least another 10 minutes or so before you investigate, but if you don't hear anything by then, you decide to check up on Ellie. You get out of your room and go to the kitchen. Everything looks quiet and you don't hear anything coming from any of the rooms. Your roommate's date might already be gone. As you look around the kitchen, you see a few bottles of beer in the fridge and you wonder if maybe that's how Ellie's date went. That might also explain why you didn't hear anything for a while. Ellie has a habit of drinking a bit when she hangs out with friends, and sometimes it's more than just a few bottles. You hope that Ellie hasn't had too much.

You go into Ellie's room and you see that she is laying on her bed with her eyes closed. Ellie is completely silent and you wonder if she's drunk and sleeping already. Ellie doesn't seem to notice you, and you think she might be napping or maybe trying to sleep off how much she's possibly had to drink tonight.

You knock gently on the door and Ellie seems to wake up. She sits up on the bed and says, "Huh?" She sounds a bit drunk right now, and she probably didn't hear you knock the first time because she was already asleep. Ellie looks up at you and says, "Oh... what are you doing here? Are you going through my room for something?"

“No, just wanted to see if your date went ok…” You lie.

Ellie smiles at you and says, "Yeah... actually... it was pretty good..." Ellie seems to be in a bit of a better mood right now and you think that maybe her date did go well. "You don't mind that I brought her home, right?" Ellie seems a bit worried that maybe you're upset about the whole thing, but it seems like she is starting to calm down now.

“No.” You lie yet again.

Ellie smiles at you and says, "Thanks... I... I'm not sure what to say... about all of this... you know?" Ellie pauses for a moment. "I'm just glad that you're okay with it..." She smiles again, "You're my roommate... so I definitely want to make sure that I don't make you mad or anything..."

“It's fine, I'm gonna go to bed.” Another lie.

Ellie nods and says, "Okay... you should go ahead and get some sleep then... and I'll see you tomorrow." Ellie smiles at you and lays back down on her bed. If she's that drunk, she'll probably be asleep soon. Ellie probably won't remember anything that happened once she wakes up, but you also really hope that nothing bad happens between her and her date tonight.

You wake up the next morning and you realize that you can hear someone else's footsteps in the apartment. Ellie is usually the only person home at this time of the day, so it seems like someone else is still here. You think about your previous night and wonder if maybe Ellie's date spent the night here or something. She does seem to be moving pretty loudly though, and you wonder if it could just be Ellie herself.

You come out of your room and walk into the kitchen, where you find Ellie getting something to eat. Ellie seems quite hungover today, but she still smiles at you and says, "Hey, how are you? Sleep well?" Ellie takes a few bites of her food as she waits for your response.

“What was all that noise?” You ask her a bit annoyed. Ellie looks up at you and then she starts to laugh a little. Ellie seems to be feeling the effects of her hangover, so her laugh comes out a bit more like a chuckle. "Oh... that was... uh... my date last night..." Ellie seems a bit embarrassed by this, and you wonder if it's normal to bring home someone you just went on one date with already.

“Sure.” Ellie nods and says, "Yeah... she... um... yeah... she actually stayed the night... so..." Ellie rubs her head for a moment, "Uh... if you don't mind... I just... I'm gonna spend a bit more time in my room, okay...?" Ellie seems to be in a bit of pain from last night, and she doesn't want to deal with it at the moment. She smiles at you once more, hoping you don't mind if she hides in her room for a bit.

“Ok.” You say, trying to sound like you don't care about it. Ellie smiles, "Thanks, I... I'll come out in a bit..." Ellie takes a few more bites of her breakfast and then she goes back into her room. You watch as she closes her door behind her, and you wonder what exactly she plans on doing in her room. She can't hide away forever, and you think that the sooner she faces her hangover, the better it will be for her.

You start to feel a little jealous of Ellie's date, even though you know that you shouldn't be jealous at all. Ellie can date whoever she wants to date and it doesn't have to have any effect on your relationship with her. You tell yourself that you can't be jealous, but it still just feels a little... wrong. You go to take a shower to try and forget about your envy of Ellie's date. It doesn't help to try and not think about it, and you still feel a bit hurt that Ellie would date someone else after just a few days of trying to be nice to you. You try to focus on the good things about the situation, like how happy Ellie is with her new date, but it still doesn't make you feel much better about the whole thing.

You come out of your room in your towel and you see Ellie in the living room. Ellie is sitting on the couch and she seems to be deep in thought. Ellie sees you and smiles at you, but then her face drops when she realizes that you're only wearing a towel. Ellie quickly turns her head away and she looks around the living room a bit nervously, as if she's waiting for you to go back to your room before she continues with what she was doing. You go back into your room and get dressed, and then you walk back into the living room a few minutes later. Ellie is no longer there, but you do hear some talking coming from her room. You walk a little closer to Ellie's room and you listen for a few moments. You hear Ellie talking on the phone with someone, and she looks like she's having a pretty intense conversation.

You lean in closer to Ellie's door, trying to hear what she's talking about. You're able to hear her voice, as well as another voice that sounds like a girl's. You can't make out everything that they are saying, but you do hear Ellie say, "Listen, I need to talk to you about everything..." It sounds like Ellie might be having a serious conversation with her date. You keep listening, hoping to hear what is going on. You can hear Ellie talking, but you can't make out everything that the two of them are saying. It sounds like Ellie is trying to explain something to her but she doesn't seem to agree with what Ellie is saying. Ellie seems a bit frustrated and upset over the whole thing and the tone of her voice changes to something a bit more serious than you normally hear from her.

You decide to go to your room and to not listen in on Ellie's conversation with her date. As you walk to your room, you wonder what exactly Ellie would be talking about with that girl. You also wonder if Ellie is still just as happy with her date, or if something might have gone more serious between the two of them. You enter your room and close the door, trying to forget about what Ellie is doing right now.

You start messing around with your phone to pass the time, and you try to distract yourself from whatever drama Ellie might be going through. You might know the outcome, but you still want to see how Ellie handles the situation. A couple of hours pass by and you start to hear footsteps outside your room. You wonder if this is Ellie coming back to the living room, or if she is on her way to your room. You wait a few moments longer, and then you hear the sound of Ellie's voice coming through the door. Ellie says, "Hey... can I come in...?" You might wonder why Ellie would be coming to your room, but you also wonder if she wants to talk to you about what happened between her and her date.

“Hey, what's up?” You say as she's entering your bedroom slowly. "Hey... there's something I need to tell you... I... I just..." Ellie seems to struggle with her words for a moment, and then she says, "I just wanted to be honest with you about something..."

“Yes?” You ask. Ellie takes a deep breath, "Okay... so, um... last night, she came over for that date... and... she slept at  the apartment for... the night..." Ellie still hasn't looked up at you and she seems to be a bit nervous about telling you this. You wonder if the two of them did more than just spend the night together. Ellie still hasn't looked up at you, but she continues to talk.  "My date and I... we... we had a good time last night... and... uh... we might have done a bit more than just... spending the night together... if you know what I mean..." Ellie still hasn't looked up at you and she still seems to be nervous about this whole situation. It's not like Ellie to open up about her romantic life this much.

“Oh, ok.....” You start to feel your heart getting heavy in your chest. Ellie takes a deep breath and looks up at you for the first time. Ellie seems a lot more relaxed now that she has finally spoken about what happened the previous night. "So... um... I guess I just wanted you to know what happened... so that you.... um... don't feel like I was keeping anything secret from you... or anything..." Ellie smiles at you and says, "Oh... and... that might mean that my date will start staying here more often..."

“Oh....” You continue, feeling worse by the word. Ellie smiles at you and says, "You're okay with that, right...? Um... I just wanted to make sure that you didn't mind..." Ellie seems a bit worried that you might not react well to her news and she doesn't want to risk causing a fight between the two of you.

“Of course…” You say a bit sad but she doesn't notice. Ellie smiles at you and says, "That's good... I was just a bit worried that you wouldn't be okay with it... um... but... if you're alright with my date staying here sometimes... then... uh... that's great..." Ellie still doesn't notice that you look a bit sad right now, but you want to make sure that you are honest with her about the entire situation. You don't mind Ellie having a date, but the thought of Ellie spending time with another girl other than you does still sting a tiny bit.

“Anything else?” You ask not looking at her. Ellie nods and says, "Um... yeah... there is one more thing..." Ellie looks down for a moment and then she says, "You know... the reason I told you about my date... was... um... I think I... like her... a lot... like... a lot, a lot...." Ellie seems a bit scared of your reaction to this news, but she doesn't seem to be trying to hide this fact from you.

“Oh…” Is all you manage to say. Ellie nods and then says, "Yeah... um... I really like her... like... a lot... I might even... have feelings for her..." Ellie still seems a bit scared, but she doesn't want to hide any of this from you. She just wants to be honest with you about it all and she wants to make sure you aren't surprised or shocked by any of these news.

“It's your life Ellie.” You feel like your heart is as heavy as an anchor now.  Ellie nods and says, "Yeah... I know... it's just... I wanted to be honest with you about it... and... um... I hope that you don't mind... and that it doesn't make things weird between the two of us?" Ellie smiles at you again and says, "We're still friends, right... I just want to be able to trust you and tell you stuff like this without having to be worried about anything..."

“Yeah…” You really don't like this but you hated her just a few days before so you have no say in the matter. Ellie smiles at you, "Thank you... for understanding... and for not judging me... I just wanted to tell you... I feel like I can trust you with everything..." Ellie seems to be a bit relieved by your reaction, and she's glad that everything is still okay between the two of you. Ellie smiles at you. "Well... I guess that's it then... is it okay if my date comes over again?"

“Sure…” You're still sad but she still doesn't notice. Ellie nods and says, "Uh... thanks for being such a good friend... you're seriously the best..." Ellie then she goes back into her room. You think about telling Ellie that you're feeling a little sad, but you don't want to risk making things awkward between the two of you. You hope that Ellie's new relationship with her date will be a good one. You also hope that eventually the sadness that you feel about her dating someone other than you will pass soon, and that you'll start to feel better about the whole thing before too long.

You decide to go to a party with your friends the next weekend. You and your friends go out to the party together and you have a lot of fun. The night is filled with drinking and dancing and you don't think about Ellie and her date at all.

When you come back home, you don't feel too sad about Ellie's date anymore. It's like the feelings have passed and you're happy for your friend to have someone in her life who she cares about. You come home from the party still a bit tipsy and you see Ellie sitting on the couch. Ellie smiles at you when she sees you come back, but she gets up to greet you and asks if you had fun at the party. You tell Ellie that you had a great time, and then she asks, "So... did you meet anyone last night at the party? Any cute girls or anything like that?"

You hug Ellie and you blame your hug on the fact that you drank a little too much at the party. Ellie hugs you back and says, "Are you drunk? You're acting like a bit of a drunkard, you know that?" Ellie smiles and says, "At least you're just being cute... unlike some people at those parties." Ellie shrugs your hug off and then she says, "I'm glad you had fun at the party though... that's good..."

“You think I'm cute?” You ask, smiling, clearly still drunk.

Ellie laughs and says, "Oh, you're completely hammered right now... of course I think you're cute... I've always thought you were cute... and... I've really missed you lately..." Ellie blushes a bit and she looks down at the floor, seeming a bit embarrassed by her reaction. Ellie smiles and says, "I'm not sure we should be having this talk right now... you know... when you're still drunk like this?"

“You missed me?” You ask confused and under the influence.

Ellie looks up at you and says, "Yeah... I mean... I've been so busy with my date lately... I haven't had as much time to hang out with you... I've been missing our hangouts... and... um... I was even thinking about you the other night when I was with my date..." Ellie smiles at you. "But it's good to see you... and I really do miss you... the last few days have been really fun and I... I just hope that we can hang out more soon... is that alright?"

“When you were with her? Why?” You ask her as the alcohol helps you let the words out easier. Ellie blushes a bit.  "Well... I just... I really like being with my date and... I really missed you, but I was also just thinking of you... and... um... I don't know if I should be telling you all of this..." Ellie smiles and says, "I'm probably just being silly... I'm sorry about that... but... yeah... I missed you and I was thinking of you while I was with her..."

“Okay… I like your hugs.” You say drunk as can be. Ellie smiles at you and says, "Yeah... my hugs are a lot more comforting when you're drunk." Ellie shrugs and says, "It's good to know that you like my hugs... but we'll talk about this more later... once you don't smell like beer anymore..." Ellie smiles at you again, "I'm not really sure if I should say what's on my mind right now... this whole alcohol thing is making my head fuzzy... and I don't want to say anything that we might regret, you know?" She had had a few beers too while you were at the party, playing some online games with some friends to pass the evening.

“We can be honest with each other.” You say as you notice she's a bit tipsy as well. Ellie looks up at you and says, "Well... if I'm being honest... then... I've... I've been thinking about you... lately... and... um..." Ellie blushes a bit and then she just spits it out. "I don't know if this is just because I'm a bit drunk right now... and I'm sorry if this is totally stupid and inappropriate of me to say... but... do... do you have any romantic feelings for me... at all...?"

You're still drunk but you need to ask her this. “What about your date?” You look at her confused. Ellie laughs. "My date? Well... I... I mean... I might... like her... a lot... but... I do... have lots of strong feelings for you... and..." Ellie stops and then she looks up at you. "I can't believe I'm telling you this... I'm just... I'm thinking that... um... you and I could be more than friends... maybe a little more than just roommates... but I don't know..." She seems a bit nervous to say all of this out loud. You hug her again a bit tipsy and clumsily. 

Ellie hugs you back and says, "Oh... um... this is totally weird... and... I don't know why I'm feeling like this... but... maybe?" Ellie smiles at you. "Wait... do you like me like that... too...?" Ellie seems pretty confused about how she's feeling right now, but the alcohol is telling her that she likes you... more than just a friend... and she's confused by this realization.

You try to focus on Ellie's face, but it's still a bit difficult since you've had a bit too much to drink. Ellie looks at you and she smiles, and then she says, "I don't know how... or why... this happened... but... I think that... um... there's... definitely... something here... and... um…  Ellie seems to be struggling to find the right words to say what she's feeling, but her eyes say it all.

You kiss her as you have no filter right now. Ellie seems a little surprised by your sudden kiss, but she leans in and kisses you back. Ellie wraps her arms around your neck and pulls you in closer, kissing you more passionately and with more emotion than you've seen her show ever before. Ellie seems to be very happy with this development, and she keeps kissing you for a long time before she pulls away.

“I'm sorry... I shouldn't have done that. You have a girlfriend…” You say a bit embarrassed about what you just did.

Ellie shakes her head and says, "No... it's okay... I was... um... I was just as much a part of this... I mean, uh... I liked it... liked kissing you and... um... I don't think anyone has ever kissed me so passionately before..." Ellie smiles at you. "It's good... I like it... I never knew that I had feelings like this for you... and... um... I think that this might... work?"

“What about her?” You ask Ellie, not wanting to wreck anything she may have with that other girl.

Ellie shrugs and says, "I don't know... I... I guess I still like her... and we aren't exactly in a relationship... but... um..." Ellie sighs. "I'm not sure if I really want to be with her right now... I mean... I don't know... I've always had feelings for you... and... um... what if this means..." She then looks at you . "What if... I don't like her like... like that at all... what if it's you that I... want to be with?"

You kiss her again. Ellie's lips meet yours and she kisses you passionately. You notice that she isn't trying to hold back her emotions like usual. Ellie is giving everything that she has into this kiss and she doesn't seem like she's going to stop any time soon. Ellie's love for you is pouring out of her right now and she seems like she can't control herself. You don't have to say anything to her, but you know how much she cares about you based on the way she is kissing you.

You take off your jacket clumsily as you and Ellie kiss passionately. Ellie pulls you closer to her and wraps her arms around you, holding you tightly and kissing you all over. You may be tipsy, but your thoughts and feelings about Ellie come rushing back and her kiss makes it clear that she wants to be with you in more ways than you could have imagined. Ellie looks up at you and says, "I... I can't believe I've been so stupid... I... I want you... I want you so badly now..."

She continues to kiss you back and then you take her flannel off, revealing her shoulders and her pale skin underneath. You notice that Ellie's skin is smooth and her tattoo on her right forearm looks even more amazing in the dim light than it did before. Ellie doesn't seem to mind though, and she keeps kissing you. Ellie is getting even more intense with her kissing now, but you can feel yourself becoming a bit dizzy and light-headed as the alcohol starts to affect you more.

You straddle her on the couch and keep the kiss going. She smiles and lets you straddle her. She keeps kissing you passionately, and you feel the butterflies in your stomach building as you two make out on the couch. Ellie wraps her arms around your neck and pulls you in closer to her, and she keeps kissing you relentlessly as you lie on top of her. Your lips meet hers over and over again in a desperate and intense display of affection and desire.

You take off your crop top and then you kiss Ellie's neck while the two of you are still entwined. The alcohol has finally begun to take hold and you feel your legs starting to get a little bit wobbly. Ellie smiles and then she grabs you and lays you down on the couch. Ellie's face is flushed and you can tell that she is also a bit tipsy. Ellie leans over you and starts to kiss your neck and your chest, and her movements are slow and deliberate.

Ellie's slow and deliberate movements seem to drive you crazy, just as much as she seems to enjoy your passionate embrace. All of your inhibitions are quickly fading away to oblivion, just as the alcohol's effects make themselves known. You find yourself enjoying the moment with no thoughts of anything that might happen in the future. Ellie keeps kissing you passionately, leaving light but soft marks that you may notice in the morning.

You start to unbutton your jeans with all the excitement. Ellie seems to notice you unbuttoning your jeans as she continues to kiss the top of your chest. She smiles and then she starts to move her lips down your body, nibbling her way towards your midriff. Ellie's skin is still a bit chilly, just as her movements are still slow and deliberate. She seems to be taking her time, enjoying every second of this moment the exact same as you are. Ellie seems to take notice of the fact that you're getting shivers as she travels down your body using her lips and her tongue, and they start to cause goosebumps along your skin.

You start taking your jeans off clumsily. Ellie stops and then she smiles and says, "Well... you're certainly not wasting any time... are you?" She laughs a little. "I mean... if this is what you want to do... then I'm not going to object."

You pull her into another kiss. Ellie kisses you back eagerly once you pull her back. She seems to be enjoying herself as much as you are, and her movements don't seem to be quite so slow and deliberate as they were before.

You try to take her wife-beater off. Ellie leans back and lets you take off her top, revealing her bare shoulders and her tiny arms with a thin, almost transparent veil of hair. She's so pale underneath that you can see her veins running along her arms and a bit of her chest. Ellie smiles at you and says, "Thank you for taking off my shirt... I was getting a bit hot in that anyways..."

You look at her body, mesmerized before kissing her again. You two continue to kiss for a few more moments and then Ellie breaks away and smiles at you. She's even more intoxicated now than before. The alcohol is definitely affecting her judgment and causing her to act differently than usual. Ellie seems quite mesmerized by your touch and your lips, and she seems to be enjoying this even more now than before. She reaches up and strokes your cheek before moving her hand down along your neck and to your chest. Ellie is smiling and licking her lips again and her movements are still slow and deliberate.

You look into her eyes as you feel her hand go down your body. Ellie looks back into your eyes and smiles at you again as her hand moves down. She smiles at you and then she leans over and starts to kiss your neck, nibbling on your skin and making you feel your heart rate start to increase. Ellie's movements are still slow and deliberate, but they have more energy behind them now. Her fingertips travel along your skin and she strokes your chest once again, feeling the muscles and listening to your heart pounding in your chest.

You try to unbutton her jeans now Ellie seems a bit surprised when you try to unbutton them. She smiles and laughs a little and says, "Wow..." Ellie leans forwards and kisses your neck again and she's still nibbling on your skin with her small teeth. She's smiling and she's clearly quite into what you're doing, though she still doesn't seem completely sure of what to do next. She wraps her arms around your neck and she starts to kiss you again and says, "I... I'm really enjoying this..." You let out tiny moans into the kiss as she touches you Ellie gasps a bit and she keeps kissing you eagerly.

You take off your bra slowly. You slide your hands slowly behind your back and you take off your bra as Ellie kisses you along your neck and your collarbone. Ellie seems to be quite into it and she doesn't say anything to object. She smiles at you and then she moves her hands over your body as she keeps nibbling on you and caressing you. Ellie seems quite drunk and she's slowly moving her lips over you as she licks your neck and touches you.

“I've wanted this for so long.” You whisper, not even realizing that you said it out loud.

Ellie stops kissing you and she seems a bit surprised when you say that. "Really... you've wanted this for a long time?" Ellie leans back. "Well... um... I guess... I've wanted... this... for a long time..." She says a bit shyly. Ellie still looks a bit drunk and flustered though and she's not completely sure how to handle your admission to her.

You continue kissing her passionately. Ellie leans forward again and she keeps kissing you, caressing you lightly with her hands and moving her lips down to your chest. Ellie seems to be enjoying herself more and more as she keeps kissing you, and she's not letting up yet. She's still got her full attention on you and she seems to want to continue this. Ellie smiles as if to confirm your suspicions and she moves her lips to your throat and kisses you there gently while her hand trails along your chest.

You try to take off her sports bra. Ellie's sports bra comes off eventually and she's now totally topless. Ellie smiles and says, "Hey..." as she looks you up and down, clearly taking in the sight of you.

“hi…” You smile shyly before kissing her again. Ellie kisses you excitedly as she wraps her arms around you and pulls you closer. Ellie's movements are starting to become more frantic, as if she's getting more and more excited. She's kissing you passionately and her breath seems to be leaving her body in a rush. Ellie looks at you and she smiles and then she says, "I like this..."

“I like this too.” Ellie kisses you eagerly and her passion seems to be increasing. She leans over you and her hands start to travel down your body once more, and her eyes seem to be focused on you. Ellie's breath is coming out of her in short, sweet gasps as she continues to kiss your neck, your chest and your arms, and you feel her body right next to yours.

You look into her eyes, filled with desire. Ellie seems filled with passion as she continues to kiss you and she looks directly into your eyes. She seems filled with the same excitement and desire you feel and her eyes say it all. Ellie's eyes are locked onto yours and her smile is making her look even more beautiful than before. Her lips meet yours again as she lays you down on the couch and then she slides over with you. Ellie leans over you and she starts to kiss your chest, your abs and your arms. Her breathing is still quick and shallow, and her hands begin to move down your body once again.

You start moaning a bit, to her every touch. Ellie seems excited by your muffled moans and then she lifts her head up a bit and smiles. She looks into your eyes and says, "Oh..." Ellie's hands begin to move downwards again, down your chest and then along your hips. You can feel her nails lightly scratching against your skin and her lips meet yours once again. She's moving faster and more eagerly now, and she seems to be losing some of her inhibitions as the alcohol continues to affect her judgment.

You kiss her neck and get drunk on her cologne. Ellie leans back and she lets you kiss her neck as your hands go down to her hips and her arms wrap around your back. She's still smiling, but you notice that her breathing is getting more and more heavy. She seems to be loving the way that you're touching her and you can feel her grip tightening, almost as if she wants you to be more aggressive and assertive with her.

You grab her face with both hands and kiss her hard. As you grab her face and kiss her, Ellie laughs a bit and she squeezes your body tighter, holding you more firmly in place and kissing you back more eagerly. She seems to enjoy the way that you're taking control and being assertive with her. As Ellie continues to kiss you and bite your lip, you can feel her body pressing against you more and more forcefully, which feels slightly uncomfortable but you can tell that she's enjoying herself. She leans into you and keeps kissing you with the same intensity that you're kissing her with.

You try to straddle her lap now. Ellie lets you straddle her without saying anything or resisting it. She's smiling and she seems to be enjoying herself. Ellie's hands are still on you, holding onto your hips and you can tell she's trying to pull you even closer. You can also feel her body against yours, she seems to be enjoying the pressure.

Her body feels so good on yours, you feel like you're in a dream. Ellie smiles and then she leans in and she kisses you again gently, holding the kiss for a long time as her hands move again to your hips. She leans over you and she says, "Oh..." You bite her lip teasingly. Ellie seems to be enjoying the feeling of your teeth on her lips, as you bite her lip gently and then you let go again. Ellie smiles again and she leans her head over yours, then she moves her lips onto your neck and starts to kiss you there more softly, with a mixture of bites and nibbles combined with her lips and her tongue.

You feel your core starting to heat up. The heat of Ellie's body against yours and the alcohol in her blood is starting to add to that. You also feel her nails digging lightly into your skin and she's biting your neck gently but with just a bit of force behind it so that she knows you feel it but it doesn't hurt. Ellie is still kissing you passionately, nibbling your neck and your chest, and using her hands more aggressively to pull you towards her. She's smiling but she looks almost a bit feral.

You kiss her with the same energy as you move your hips on her lap, looking from some friction. Ellie's body seems to be reacting to your movements and she bites her lip as she leans in towards you and she keeps kissing you. Her fingers are brushing up against your body lightly as she holds your sides while she kisses you again and again and moves her hips along with you, meeting your pace almost exactly. Ellie's eyes seem to be gleaming in the light and then she leans in and she bites your neck again, only harder this time, and you can see her teeth mark on your skin once she moves away from your neck.

You get up for a second and take your underwear off. You get up quickly and Ellie watches as you do so, but you notice that all of your movements seem to be a bit staggered as a result of the alcohol in your system. Ellie's face lights up and she seems to be filled with anticipation now. You straddle her once more, now without any clothes. You can feel how wet you were getting. Ellie's eyes light up and her face is filled with a mix of surprise and anticipation as you straddle her. She seems to be trying hard to maintain her composure though, and she smiles seductively at you. You feel Ellie's breath on your neck and then her lips are on your skin again. She's nibbling you and biting you as her hands are moving up and down your body. She's slowly moving her hips against yours and then she starts to move even more enthusiastically.

You start moaning as she keeps biting you. Ellie hears you and she smiles. She seems to be enjoying herself tremendously and her hands are now grasping your sides firmly. You feel her breath on your neck as her lips and her teeth move along your skin.

You move your hips faster on her lap trying desperately to create some friction to ease the feeling of how incredibly turned on you are right now. Ellie's eyes turn towards yours and she's smiling as she's keeping her hands firmly on your body and your hips. She's now fully into the moment and the sound of your moans seem to be filling her with delight. You can feel her breathing on your neck as her lips bite you again gently, and you feel her body move up and down against yours as she follows the pace that you set with your hips.

You can feel her hand on your thigh, really close to where you want it to be  and you can feel her fingers gripping it. Ellie moves her hands along your body and then she leans back just a bit so that she can look you in the eye again. She smiles as she holds your gaze and then she leans forward.

You kiss her neck and keep the movements going. Ellie keeps up with your hips and she moves in rhythm with you. She leans back over your face, her eyes glinting seductively as she does so. She leans forward and her hair falls forward onto your arm as she nibbles your neck. She smiles and kisses you on your hand before leaning back and taking a quick breath. Then she leans back forwards and she moves her body against yours with more force.

Her hands are moving along your body again and then she moves away for a bit. She leans back a little just to enjoy the sight of you and she's clearly still very intoxicated. Ellie's eyes are gleaming in the light and she's smiling at you, "Wow... you seem to be enjoying this quite a lot..." You look at her panting and your face is blushing more by the second.

Ellie smiles and caresses your waist and your thighs as she looks at you, and then she leans over your face. She's panting a little but she's also very excited and she's smiling at you. She moves with you again, following along with your hips and you can feel her breath on your neck and her lips nibbling your body.

Ellie moves you down onto the couch and then she leans over you and she starts to kiss your shoulder and your chest. Her fingers are moving along your body more firmly now and she's breathing more heavily as she kisses you, but you can also hear her laughing and she's still smiling. She seems to be having a lot of fun. Her fingers begin to move further down your body and she smiles at you before whispering, "Wow... I think I... I like doing this..."

“I like you doing this…” You respond. Ellie smiles and then she seems to be struggling with her words as she speaks. Her face is filled with a bit of embarrassment and she leans back on top of you. She looks down. "I like this too..." Ellie kisses you again and you can feel her breathing heavily on your neck.

As you try to take Ellie's boxer's off, Ellie smiles and says, "Ah... um..." Ellie seems a bit surprised but then she leans over and she helps you take her boxers off. She's lying on top of you again and she seems to be enjoying the intimacy of what's happening. Her eyes are filled with a mix of excitement and a bit of shyness, but she's clearly not resisting as her fingers are moving down your body again and she's still nibbling lightly on you. Ellie's hand slowly begin to move towards your lower region, her fingers making small movements and caressing along your thigh.

You moan as she touches you. Ellie smiles and seems to be a bit surprised but pleased. She leans back and she continues to nibble your body again, while her other hand moves even further along your thigh and into your pussy. As she feels how wet you are her eyes went wide. “Oh, you’re really enjoying this…” She smiles as she kisses you once more. She starts triling small circles around your sensitive bud and looks at your face as she does it to see your reaction. Ellie has just taken your breath away again and now she's nibbling on your neck once more. She seems to be having a lot of fun now and she's not showing any signs of holding back any longer. You can feel her breath on your neck as she bites you.

She starts kissing down your neck to your chest and your breasts. She fondles one of them and sucks on your nipple and makes you moan. She smiles mischievously as she now sucks your other nipple a bit harder and nibbles on it a bit too. She's loving seeing you like this. All along as she's doing this her finger continues on your pussy, massaging your sensitive clit. You can't hold back your moans as she touches you, it just feels too good.

Ellie starts kissing down your stomach now and you can feel goosebumps forming on your skin. She smiles as she sees you shiver. Her fingers travel a bit lower than your bundle of nerves and she collects some of your wetness as she continues to make you moan. You can feel her leaving wet kisses along your belly as they make their way to your beautiful cunt. Once she reaches it she gives it a long lick to taste you and moves her tongue to your clit wanting to make you feel even better that you already are.

When you feel her tongue on you you roll your eyes due to all the pleasure as you arch your back. Ellie is happy to see you enjoying yourself and doesn't want to stop any time soon. She moves her tongue faster and faster as she feels your wetness growing on her fingers. She starts moving them around your entrance, you look down at her for a moment and she looks like a starved woman eating you out. You start feeling one of her fingers trying to enter your hole.

Ellie cant wait to see you all fucked up from her fingers being inside you. She starts inserting her middle finger slowly inside you, not to hurt you and stretch you slowly as you adjust to the intrusion. She starts pumping it in and out as she's still flicking your little clit with her tongue. Now you understand why all the girls want to be with her. She definitely knows what she's doing.

She's so concentrated on your clit and the sound of your voice that she closes her eyes. As one of her hands is taking care of you she lets her other one travel down her own body and touches herself as she is getting famished. Her core is throbbing and she can't stop herself from rubbing her own clit. Your moans only make her more turned on. A bit later she feels all the wetness she's producing and starts fingering herself, moaning into your pussy. You've never seen Ellie so eager and you're loving it. The vibrations of her moans into your cunt just make things feel even better. You put your hand on her head and tug at her auburn hair so she doesnt stop what she's doing.

She then starts prodding at your entrance with a second finger and inserts it without warning, making you gasp. She looks up at you as she does it and laughs to herself once she sees your reaction. She starts moving her fingers again “You like that?...” She smirks. All you can do is nod. “I knew you liked me all along, you just didn't want to admit it…” She moves faster now making you moan even more. She sucks your clit one last time before coming back up and kissing you passionately. She muffles your moans with her lips and you kiss her back letting your tongues intertwine. She is kissing you hungrily and doesn't want to stop. As the kiss quickens, so do her fingers, making you get closer to your release.  She looks you in the eyes as she inserts a third finger inside you. You frown your eyebrows as she does it trying not to look away from her green eyes. She smiles as she sees your whiny face. “Fuck… You feel so good baby.. I'm gonna make you cum, yeah?” As she says this she starts going faster and hitting the spot that makes you go crazy, making you moan louder than before and roll your eyes to the back of your head. She bites her bottom lip as she watches your reaction to her three fingers inside your tight hole. She keeps her pace going as she watches you reach higher and higher  closer to your peak. 

Your mind is starting to go blanck as the pleasure she's giving you makes you feel better than ever before. When you feel like your orgasm is about to wash over you you look back at her in the eyes. “Fuck… Ellie i’m… I'm gonna….” Before you could finish your sentence You feel your orgasm starting. Ellie cant take her eyes off of you, she's completely intoxicated. “That's it, cum for me… cum on my fingers…” You feel your body reacting to her words and you can't hold it back anymore. You cum as she's fingering you with all her skill.  “That's it… give it all to me…” She says looking down at your cunt filled with her fingers. her eyes shine as she sees all your cum. 

She slowly helps you come out of your high as she kisses you and starts moving her fingers slower until she eventually stops. She takes her fingers out of your cunt slowly, mesmerized by all of your cum. She then brings them to her mouth and sucks every last drop of your juices. She moans as she tastes you, it's like she's been starving for weeks. After, she kisses you so you can taste yourself on her tongue and lips. She smiles while she kisses you and caresses your face and hair. She gets up for a second and comes back from the bathroom with a wet warm towel to clean you up. She then lays beside you on the couch and holds you in her arms as you two cuddle for a bit. You hug her back tightly and don't want to let her go ever again. Her body feels so warm and soft against your skin. Both of your breaths start to slow down as you hold each other.

Ellie looks at you, her eyes are shining, she never felt so linked with anyone like she does with you in this very moment. You look back at her with love. You never knew you could feel the way you do about her ever. She is the most important thing to you at the moment, just like you are hers. A few minutes into the cuddle she says quietly in your ear. “I think I might love you…” Your heart starts beating harder now as you hear her words. You hug her tight and nuzzle your head into her neck. “I think I have loved you since the start…” You whisper to her. She holds you tighter and kisses your forehead. She covers you both with a fuzzy blanket and you both fall asleep holding one another. Maybe you never hated each other after all.

[commanderchr1st]

Why I left tumblr suddenly in 2017 at the apex of my blog commanderchrist.

I'm sorry to "break character," but I gotta say some shit as Joe that's been bothering me for years. It is corny, it is personal, it is emotional, but I've recently been facing a lot of personal turmoil, and I gotta say some shit.

I'm not calling anyone out, not trying to start drama, but for quite some time I've had some baggage that has caused me a great deal of mental damage, tbh. More below.

Hey all, 7-8 year old drama here. I've told my friends this story, and I've also kind of hinted at it, but I've never really gave an official response why I left tumblr in April of 2017. It's a really long story, and it's been connecting to a process of grieving multiple friendships, two relationships. I've never really wanted to talk about it too terribly much on an account that is so closely associated with what happened, I mainly spent time venting on private tumblrs, going to see doctors, therapists, psychiatrists, etc. For a half of a decade, I was extremely upset, and honestly, it kinda came back in 2022.

First off, fartdick-supreme was a blog I made a few days after I left commanderchrist. I was obsessed to see a particular user disparage me, make false claims, and I was very, very angry on that blog. So, if you do snoop a little, just know that's a hella mentally ill college kid writhing in pain, not a coherent blog at all tbh.

The above picture was sent to me on discord in November of 2016 before they started telling one of my friends I called them fat (and they knew that person had self image issues and most importantly I didn't), racist, treating Tumblr like a meat shop, telling somebody I had a crush on that I was exploiting them because of their pill addiction (just an insane thing to say tbh), conspiring with an ex that cheated on me to write a callout post about all of this and more lol. I deleted in 2017 because I was unmedicated, going through a pretty severe breakup, was taking more than a full-time load at school, and this former friend was doing shit like this almost every day of the week. I refused to talk about this until I've had a LOT of time to heal because tbh somebody who I considered a close friend doing this kinda shook my mental health. I deleted, but I never left. I really don't want to leave their URL or talk specifically about anyone who was impacted on tumblr, but this has also affected a lot of individuals I used to be friends with. And for a lot of that, I was the scapegoat. I accepted this blame. Even though I didn't do like...any of it. At the most, I was a mentally ill alcoholic who had a really hard time navigating friendships. A good deal of friends also had their own individual hardships, especially this individual who had spread these accusations to myself and my friends.

I think it's important to say that all of this started because I was talking shit behind the friends back. I said they were a sore loser, I said they were impossible to talk to, I said they were bossy when it came to playing games, I said they needed to work on their anger issues. And I denied it to them, which I should not have. I should have told my friend all the problems that I was having with them. I failed to do that, because they were a very defensive person. My friends tried too, but they did not have any luck. So, it manifested as anger, and I did talk shit about them to those friends. Word got back to them, and this is how it all started. I'm not going to point any fingers because MOST of those friends, I am still on good terms with, but there were definitely a few that also seemed to share similar frustrations in a public setting.

Maybe it's because I'm mentally ill, but I refused to confront this. I deleted. I left. I went on medication, I finished my degree. But I did not ever once publicly defend myself.

Fast forward to now, and in 2022 I was faced with a very similar situation. I had broken up with my partner of four years. I REALLY don't want to get into the details of that relationship because it was incredibly toxic. I did a couple things I was not proud of as a response, especially when it came to involving my family in our relationship. Both my ex and my mother tried to drive a wedge between me and the other person, and it was maddening. It was a horrible way to live. Especially since every interaction I had with my mother was her trying to pry me from that relationship. At the time, I thought she was being manipulative and shitty, but everything changed in December of 2021 when my ex went to go visit family and I was left alone after moving several times, being evicted twice during covid, making some dumb mistakes financially, and it all dawned on me.

I was being abused. My ex from 2017 had BPD, which is fine, but my ex from 2022 also had this condition. And I was able to see a parallel: I REALLY don't want to go in detail about my relationships tbh and was one of the reasons I didn't want to bring it up, but in both relationships I was put into some fucked situations. In both, any time I had issues with something it was like pulling teeth... 0-10 on the intensity meter. I would bring things up and immediately be disparaged, yelled at, etc. In one of those relationships, they were drunk daily and would call me up and yell at me. They were also sleeping in the same bed as their ex boyfriend for months and not telling me (it was long distance). They also had some sexual exchanges with a pretty well-known tumblr user. The other, long story short, sexually abused me a lot. Put me in a situation of fatherhood when I explicitly mentioned I did not want to be a part of it. They said it was okay. And it was all okay, until all the sudden our bank account was shared and I had moved to a different state. They trapped me financially, and cornered me into fatherhood. The rest of the abuse got a bit more intense when I was left isolated without family in the state I was living in. This shit is hella hard to talk about, but those two are linked. In December of 2021, I realized everything. I was terrified, depressed, isolated, and ruminating. I broke up with my most recent ex in 2022 because...well its complicated but I misinterpreted this grief as me being gay. I thought I was purely attracted to men, and vagina repulsed. It took me longer than this to realize no, I was repulsed by my ex because of sexual abuse. Anyways, when I broke up with them, they threw shit all over the place, some at me. They screamed at me and told me that I was a waste of four years. And they immediately told me I could not be a father anymore and could not see the child. When just month prior I was given a deadline on providing a child for them.

What did this all have to do with 2017?

I've lived long enough to see me make some pretty big mistakes twice in a row. It's not the relationships I regret, despite the abuse. It's the lesson that I failed to learn myself. I need to stand up for myself more, and not accept blame when I did not do anything. I've been diagnosed with (at the very least) minor Obsessive Compulsive Disorder recently, I've had some mental issues in the past. But we are exploring that this may have been derived from PTSD. I think these two scenarios have been a part of it. I've let this get under my skin. In 2022, I lost a couple friendships because I did not explain ANYTHING to them, and my ex spoke to them a day or two after our breakup when I was still grieving, processing, trying to figure all this shit out. I'm ready now. I am a mentally ill person who suffered abuse from other mentally ill people. I have made the mistake of allowing THREE people who have mistreated me and left me with lasting trauma rule my life. They made me run, I've allowed myself to become all the things these abusive people have wanted me to be because I did not stand up for myself, I did not deny anything.... I ran like a coward. I'm sorry for doing that.

To the select people who have heard these rumors from these people in my life, I don't blame you for believing them. As a matter in fact, I'm sorry that I did not explain everything to you.

It will not happen again. And if we have had conversations in the past, or you have considered me a friend. A friend. Not a funnyman, not a "derailer," not anything on this site. If you have talked to me, if you know me as Joe, not Jog. Feel free to DM me.

I've stopped with the anon messages, because tbh I don't want to deal with them. I've had this individual and a couple other send me them throughout the years. If they have anything to say, I'd appreciate them striking a conversation with me via here, discord, whatever. And the same with you if you're curious. Just come to me, ask. I won't yell at you. I won't say anything I won't want to say, either, so if you ask and we were never close or didn't have a friendship in the past, I may not be inclined to share more receipts that I have from this time frame. But I'm an open book.

If you've read this far and you've thought some of my posts are funny, videos, whatever. I just wanna say thank you for sticking with me and appreciating it. And thank you for hearing something out that you may have not had a general interest in. Again, this is not a callout post or anything like that. This was years ago, I'm ready to move past this. I need to heal, and if you were a part of this... even if you were shitty to me, I want you to heal and get help, too.

[dexlexia]

apologies - wonho x reader

pairing: lee ho-seok (wonho) x reader rating: 18+ summary: He stared at you from across the table. You peered over your book but quickly looked back down at it then turned the page. Ho-seok sighed and rested his cheek on his palm before he sighed, “You can't be mad at me all day.”  tags: pwp, humour, university au, smut, semi-public sex, apologies.

He stared at you from across the table. You peered over your book but quickly looked back down at it then turned the page. Ho-seok sighed and rested his cheek on his palm before he sighed, “You can't be mad at me all day.” 

Your eyes flicked up to meet his dark ones, “I think I can, you're the one who always tells me how stubborn I am. You should know that by now, Lee.” Then turn the page of your textbook. At that point you weren't even really reading the book, but it was rather a performance. 

He bit his bottom lip for a moment before he relaxed back in his seat, ”It's not my fault. I thought-“

You rolled your eyes, ”That's it, you weren't thinking.” You put the cup down and crossed your arms. His eyes casted to your neck where there was a necklace he gave you last month. The little gold 'h' glimmered in the low light of the library. 

In all fairness, it was kind of his fault. He can't cum all over your physics notes without some repercussion. Even if it was an accident. He tapped his pen with his other hand and looked back at your face, “I'm sorry, honey.“ 

You whispered, ”You finished all over my notes for the entire semester. And you know that it's going to take a lot to stay on the scholarship.“ You blushed a little at saying what he did outloud. 

Ho-seok didn't have to worry about much at the university you both attended. He just had to show up to football practice and play a good game, then he could stay. But you were the furthest thing for an athlete. 

  ”But you can't ignore me all day.“You dragged him to the library early to keep you company while you tried to recover your notes. The old ones were in the bottom of a garbage bag in the dumpster behind the dorms. 

What had happened was that you gave him oral at your desk the previous night. It was a warm, intimate night. Giving him oral was just the starter, but it stayed the only event of the evening. Because when he was on the edge of climax, his cock slipped out of your mouth and stood straight up as he climaxed. As a result he finished all over the notes you had scattered all over the desk. It was embarrassing for both of you, but you were beyond mortified that all of your notes were ruined. 

Ho-seok promised to make up for it, he even bought you an iced coffee on your way to the school's library. He could now tell however that you were on the verge of breaking your vow of silence towards him.

You could never stay mad at him for long. 

He reached across the table and took a hold of your hand, he then put it under his on the table. Those beautiful dark eyes gazed at you once more. He smiled softly, ”I mean, I could always give you motivation to study even harder. I'll even let you ruin my notes. I want everything to be okay with us.“ 

You sighed and flipped your hand in his and held onto it firmly, “Just be careful, please. I'm just worried about not passing, and then I'll lose the scholarship. And then I might not be able to finish my degree. Also it's not like I can tell people why my notes got ruined. It would just be too embarrassing.”

Ho-seok held onto your hand tightly for a moment before he let go and got up from his seat. He rounded the table until he was on your side and sat beside you. A strong arm was wrapped around your shoulders as he pulled you close to his side. He kissed the top of your head and smiled into your hair. 

  “You'll pass with flying colours, and I will be here to cheer you on.” Then kissed you again. Your eyes met once more, and you could tell he was being truthful. When you turned to face him, he leaned down and kissed you with his soft lips.  You relaxed, yeah you really couldn't stay mad at him forever. 

Plus if he believed in you, then maybe you could do the same. Maybe you could believe in yourself to finish your course with a good grade. You kissed him again before you put the textbook on the table. He pulled you closer and you pressed your chest up against his side as you went in for another kiss. 

  “If this goes any further, you might lose your career.” You said softly. 

  “I guess it's only fair.”  His other hand gravitated to the zipper of your hoodie and he pulled it down partially to expose the low cut t-shirt underneath. He got quite the eyeful of your cleavage.

  “You're insatiable.“ You joked softlybefore you got out of his arm and got up from the seat. He watched you move with a large smile on his face. 

He was  right behind you. He had left his letterman jacket on the table with your belongings. Thankfully everyone was too engrossed in their books and notes to notice him following you into the women's bathroom.

His heart hammered in his chest as you pulled him into the farthest stall. Before he could say anything, you pulled him into a tight kiss. You gripped onto the front of his white t-shirt and made out with him passionately. 

When you pulled away, he grabbed you by the back of the head and pulled you in for another searing kiss. His other hand was placed on your hip where he rubbed at the waist of your pants. His thumb went through one of the jean loops to keep you tethered to him. The kiss eventually broke and the two of you looked into each other's eyes. 

  ”I'm sorry for ruining your notes," he said with remorse. His cheeks were warmed, and his chest was steadily rising and falling. You knew his heart was racing with what was going to come next. 

  “I forgive you, Ho-seok.” You combed your fingers through his hair and smiled up at him, You pressed another kiss against his lips. You didn't have a lot of time before people got suspicious. The last thing you wanted was someone walking in on you two being intimate. You'd never hear the end of it around campus. 

You pulled away, you were thankful that the stalls in the library bathroom were a little more spacious then in places like the science wing or the business building. You soon undid your pants and pulled them down to your knees. 

Ho-seok admired the sight of your panties, they were nothing special. But he did know that he bought them for you because they had little bunnies on them, plus they came with a matching pair of boxers that he owned. 

He reached out and grabbed you by the hips and pressed himself against you. He went down for another kiss. His heart hammered in his chest. It was a miraculous feeling, never had a girl made him feel this way before. 

Soon he turned you around and made you support yourself over the back of the toilet. His hands palmed at your ass before he pulled down the panties to where your jeans were. Which were now at your ankles. He wanted to give your cheeks a good slap but the noise would draw too much attention. 

He undid his jeans and pulled his cock out. He said softly, ”Don't make too much noise now.“ Then held onto your hip while he guided his cock into you. You arched your back and covered your mouth with your hand to keep you from alerting the entire library outside. 

Your tight, wet heat made him hiss through his teeth as he started to settle. Usually he liked the comfort of a bed or even a desk, but he couldn't deny the feeling any longer. He wanted you. It was beyond obvious to him. Afterall, he did owe you for ruining your notes the previous night. 

He shakily exhaled as he started to get a steady pace. He soon held onto both sides of your hips and continued to move. He felt your pussy clamp around him which made his heart leap into his throat. He was for sure never going to forget this moment. He saw your body shake as you tried to support yourself upwards. 

He leaned in to you and kissed at your ear, ”You can do it, I got you. I promise I'll make us both feel good.“ His words were simple but assuring as he continued on the pace he was on. You felt heat rise into your face as you gripped onto the porcelain as he thrusted up into you. 

  ”Ho-seok.” You said softly, your voice muffled by your hands. He continued to thrust up into you, he picked up speed as he wanted this to be quick. There was little room to take it slow, especially with classes about to change soon. You held onto the back of the toilet with one hand, your grip only tightened when he thrusted into you.

You moaned softly into your hand and gripped onto your mouth tightly to keep it very quiet. You sometimes hated how vocal you were in bed. The sound of sex filled the washroom air, the sounds of him fucking you in the stall as quickly as he could. He hissed through his teeth and felt sweat drip down the back of his neck. 

  ”Honey.“

  ”Ho-seok .“ 

He buried his face into your back as he pushed himself as deep as he could go inside of you. His heart raced and his face felt flushed, with sweat beading at his temples. He felt hot all over as he continued to thrust roughly. 

  ”That's it.“He whispered to himself as he began to pick up the pace even more. He wanted to make you orgasm just as he did last night thanks to you. He rolled his hips as he held onto yours tightly. He wanted to make sure every inch was inside of you. The feeling was amazing, it was a feeling that he couldn't put into words.You were just the perfect girlfriend. 

His grip became bruising on your hips as he continued to move. You moved back and forth with each thrust, the sweat dripped down his back. For a moment he worried that he'd be soaked in sweat by the end of your activities. He exhaled deeply as he moved his hips up against your ass. His cock buried deep inside of you, almost bruising your insides. 

  ”Ho-seok!“ You squeaked but he quickly slapped a hand over your mouth to keep you quiet. 

  ”Shh, shh.“ He said, “We have to be quiet.” He moved his hips even faster, he knew he was close. His heart raced as he thrusted. He could feel the tightness in his stomach as he felt close to climax. He tensed his jaw to keep himself from being too loud. 

It was hard to keep quiet when the sounds of sex filled the bathroom. Your nails dug into the porcelain. Your eyes rolled back as he kept his hand over your mouth. The feeling was incredible. You moaned softly into hs hand which kept your voice muffled as he fucked you. 

Your pussy clenched around his cock as he kept moving in and out of you. The feeling was immense, especially in such a public setting. His pace was brutal as he felt so close to your climax and in all honesty you felt close to your own as well. 

  “Ho-seok.“ You said almost out of breath. And with another few hard thrusts you had climaxed around his cock. THe feeling was so intense that he climaxed too. He finished off inside of you. Your pussy squeezed every last drop out of him and left him winded. 

  ”Honey.“ He said gently,his breathing was rapid as the two of you started to come down from your highs. He soon pulled out and got your pants back on before he took you in his arms and kissed you gently. He asked between ragged breaths, “Are we even now?”

You, also out of breath, replied, “For now, but you still have to help me with my notes.” 

He smiled,“Of course. Anything for you.“ He knew he could get out of trouble with you. He just had to make you orgasm a few times. But that was so much better than the silent treatment. 

[legend-the-dumb-jock]

@fatisthenewshape is in charge !!

“Omg I can’t believe how boring his life is. I know he told me before that his life was nothing but I didn’t expect it to be this bad.” Finishing up the paper work from the most boring job ever I pushed my chair in. I wonder what he’s doing in Paris right now. Sure therapy wasn’t intentional but it happened somehow and now I knew I was in his American body. Right when I was about to walk out of the office I heard my email go off. I went back to check and it was yet again another down sizing. Me being good at this job of his wasn’t on the list hit it just meant his boring job was about to get more boring !!

I screamed looking at that computer. “I can’t take this shit anymore!” I slammed the door shut to the office and on the way home grabbed some beer. In the apartment that night I just stared at the glow of the tv. I was only on my first beer and I was already feeling sleepy. I didn’t want to be in this body anymore. This life was so boring !! It was so much more fun when we just talked about transfo….. I sat tight yo on the couch. Maybe this was a way to really live a transformation. Maybe this was the chance I had to really make a change. Pulling up his tumblr account i reread everything he posted. I didn’t realize how many different changes he had written about. But needless to say after couple hours I have decided on the changes I would make. Closed my computer I walked back to the living room and opened up another beer.

It was a couple months of my new ambitious beer drinking that I finally had a beer gut. He has written so many stories about having one that it was odd he didn’t actually have one. This was my first change I was going to make to him. And now here I am. Rubbing this big gut while I’m walking out of this office for the last time. It was now time for me to go onto the next phase of my plan. Destroying his education was right up his ally. He always talked about being dumb. And a dog. Well he needed a job that would fit that role.

I managed to get a job at a Construction site. The work was hard and labor intensive. I sweat all day and I smelled like crazy. But I kept drinking my beers and continuing on the path that I had set for him.

Making so much less made my next changes a little hard. One of the things he fantasized about clearly was tattoos and I wanted to make sure he had them. But the massive decrease in pay from the corporate world made it hard. I started asking some of my coworkers about the I tattoos and before I knew Indians out they was an artist and was offering to give me some at a discount

It was long before I was making daily visits to get as much ink as possible on his body. I was loving how fast his body was getting covered in tattoos. And the looks that people were giving. I was soon looking like a walking piece of graffitied skin. I began to do other things. Like adding gauges to hjs ears. One I had them completely obliterated to the point of now return I knew that his physical changes had to come to a close.

For the next part in his journey I decided to delve deeper into one of his stories tropes that he wrote about alot. Problem was that I wasn’t willing to do any of the work. I found myself on the dark web one night and with a couple thousand dollars and his social security number it wasn’t long before the stranger had logged into the federal system and began to add charge after charge to his record. Drugs, possession, firearms. He was making this man a low life thug criminal and now there was nothing he would be able to do about it. He would be able to find the chat rooms or anything to get this resolved. I even perfected his signature and sending a copy to the stranger online he used that to validate the claims of all the charges he was placing on this body. We even managed to invalidate his college degrees and even high school degree. Now he was a high school drop out who went down the path of being a hard criminal. It wasn’t long before his face was being seen all over tv. Armed and dangerous. I was now living the body of a wanted man just like in those stories he wrote. It was t long before the police came and aggressively arrested me. And I just smirked. Bring in prison was going to be the utmost change to his life that would be able to make. And from the sounds of it. With all the charges I had managed to get on his record, he was going to be here for several years. Especially after I admitted to everything for him.