#i want to call in sick so bad tomorrow
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I'm so out of it jfc
#anne speaks#it IS warm but i don't think it is THAT warm?#but im sweating my skin off#and the hormones are conking me the fuck out#so together it's a one hit KO#i want to call in sick so bad tomorrow#but a) im not sick and b) work is so understaffed rn and c) the weekend is nearly here like. surely i can live
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#God knows what fresh Horrors await me tomorrow.#at this point I fully expect a plane to crash into my house#I've had two really bad days in a row#I already didn't want to be here#I don't know what to do#I don't trust any of the people who are supposed to be taken care of me or figuring things out#because so far not a single person has proven able to tell me the same thing fucking twice#they all look at each other's work and say it's no good#and I'm fucking done#I'm just done#I'm not even very sick#this could potentially get bad but I'm okay right now#what I am is a miserable person trapped in an endless cycle of repetitive appointments and phone calls that go absolutely fucking nowhere
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#Seven’s Public Diary#vent#vent post#cw negative#cw health issues#‘You’re such a heartless and hateful person.’ well have you ever considered that i’m not really a hateful person and i just hate You#like. call me whatever you want to i guess. im definitely selfish and probably heartless but hateful? idk abt that.#i only feel like i hate people that have given me good fucking reason to. sorry i dont have an infinite supply of tolerance & forgiveness??#but im a wee bit fucking stressed so you’ll have to forgive me for being a bitch. well no one Has to forgive me. do whatever you want#‘That 10-day old pasta salad is making me feel sick.’ MF that was made TODAY. IT’S FRESH AND THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT#if you feel sick how about you look down at the fifteen empty beer cans on the floor next to you and ask them what they think did it#dumbass. whatever man i have bigger problems than your self-induced tummy ache#i feel sick too but i know it’s my fault so i’m not bitching about it. i gave you fresh food while I ate the old stuff to keep from wasting#food. because you act like you’re fucking allergic to leftovers. and yeah it had probably gone off and that’s why I feel sick#but what you ate tonight was fresh as could be so we’re sick for two Very different reasons. and i know how to admit when it’s my fault#everything is my fault. my teeth and gums hurt and that’s My fault for not taking care of them. apparently 3 root canals wasn’t enough#for me to learn my goddamn lesson. i never do. so i’ll have to spend more money on that soon and thats My fault. the dog’s teeth need#cleaning too and that’ll come out of my pocket and i guess that’s My fault for not taking care of him either#i think i have another goddamn UTI and that’s definitely My fault so another $100 trip to urgent care it is i guess!#my Random Nerve Pain has moved to my hands so i can’t use them too much or it fucking hurts and i guess that’s my fault???#my neck pain is back and thats my fault for not clearing my bed off enough to sleep in a comfortable position#my eye keeps twitching and i guess that’s my fault too. i don’t know anymore i just wanna throw in the towel man im so tired#god the UTI tests i wasted money on are arriving tomorrow and if they’re packed in a way that shows what’s inside then i’ll have to explain#That to whoever brings in the mail. great great something else to worry about all night#the living room floor is caving in so now there’s Two room’s floors that need fixing so that’s super fucking fun! 😃#i need to talk to my bank and i need to talk to a tax professional and i need to learn to drive and i need to get an autism diagnosis#well i don’t Need the last one but i want it so bad. but im scared. that i’ll go to all this trouble and they’ll say i don’t qualify#and god it’s NYE now. Besties i’m not gonna get that NMbD NYE fic ready in time. i just can’t make myself write these days. i’m sorry.#i doubt anyone is gonna be That disappointed but I Am. in myself. 3 fucking years now i’ve failed to finish it. w h y. i Want to write but#there’s just too much on me rn. but when is there Not. sigh. idk what i’m gonna do but something needs to change. in my life. soon.
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kinda think PJ day is the only reason for an educator to keep going at this point in the year
#told my coworker i just felt SO tired at the end of the day and he’s like#’why not just call in sick tomorrow have an extra long holiday’#and like#pj day was my first answer for why i need to come in#though i will add like#i’d feel a lil bad for kids who want new books#but we don’t have special library periods planned i did them last week just in case#so like pj day main motivator
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i would rather live with ana for the rest of my life than binge like this ever again
#rending.txt#i dont know how to stop binging i was doing so well yesterday and then for no reason it fell apart#i just want to stop#i have so much to do today but i just dont want to do anything im so depressed#im just going to lay in bed and eat all day and think up ways to die#i already know my chosen method i just cant be bothered right now so maybe later#i just want to keep sleeping#i called in sick to work today because i was so so tired and i slept i think nearly 12 hours which isnt bad#i wanna go on a walk and work out and stuff but i just. cant right now. i need to work on my job presentation but i just cant#i just want to keep eating and go back to sleep and then wake up and end it#but i just need to make it to therapy tomorrow and maybe itll get better? who knows#i dont even have the energy to walk up to tesco to get blades or more food so im laying im bed eating dry granola like a pathetic pig#i dont wanna talk to anyone but my boyfriend but hes asleep and i dont want to vent to him anymore because it makes me feel guilty#and it doesnt help to vent to him anymore so i just make him sad for no reason and i dont know how to vent to anyone else#i havent changed my bedsheets in weeks and theres so much trash on my floor you can barely walk in my room and i havent showered in a week#i just dont have the heart to cry anymore i just want it to stop#i did everything i was supposed to so i could prevent binges and it didnt work at all so i think im beyond saving lol
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i really fucked my back up somehow like … something has gotta give i’m tired of looking like quasimodo when i walk 😭
#airika txt.#i’m honestly starting to think it’s a nerve issue or a disc#but i don’t want to waste my sunday in the ER do i’m trying to hold out for one more day so i can go to the clinic early#tomorrow morning and just call in sick#like it’s berb manageable since it started hurting when i was dog sitting#but i took a nap on the couch yesterday afternoon and i think that made it worse#like i can’t even pick my cat up it’s so bad#my mom has muscle relaxers left over from her back problem saga so i’m just taking those to alleviate the pain#but this is like … beyond a simple strain i’m sure of it 😭
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not sure if I'll update my dalgi agere-tober fic today 🥲 might be getting some very bad news in a few hours, or news that will change nothing. and I'm too stressed about it to do anything but stare into space rn lol so it depends on how the news goes
#big me talking#my dad is getting biopsy results back#and the doctor called him today to ask him to come in in 3 hrs#bc theyre closed tomorrow#so like i feel like its a bad sign and im stressing myself sick#i dont even LIKE the man#but im still worrying#ugh#pray pls if ur religious#i dont like him but i dont want him to go through this#or my family
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Sounds like you've got a right bitch of a co-worker based on those post tags lol
ajfksdljf TT0TT Oh that was like my 3rd version of a post I made. I had to talk myself down and censor myself akljsdflkfa orz
But yes he really is. I cannot stress it enough that everyone hates his guts and he's created such a hostile work environment.
#silly asks#the junpei coworker#silly answers#god i hate him so much#he's not the first jackass i've had to work with but god he is the most recent#i should've called HR last night#i literally told him “do NOT fucking finish that sentence or train of thought”#and then he kept ALLUDING to what he wanted to say and i had to keep telling him to stfu#then he hid in the bathroom for 30 min (which pissed me off mORE because it meant he got a free 30 break and was paid for it)#all while i was left alone to wrangle a circus by myself#he was watching anime fyi...cause I could hear it when I had to go to the back room to get stuff#like we had a store meeting and my boss listed a bunch of stuff that needed to be minded#and like HALF of it was directed at junpei (he didn't look at him but WE ALL KNEW)#my boss even confirmed it when everyone else left#he only confirmed it because as soon as they left I turned to him an was like 'when is that mfer getting fired?????!"#my boss wants to fire him but HIS boss says he can't until they find a replacement#the bar is in hell rn#it's so bad that me and my other coworker made a bingo of shit he likes to pull on shift (HE'S THAT CONSISTENT)#*looks at sched* oh thank god I dont need to see him today or tomorrow-#WAIT NO I HAVE TO WORK WITH HIM THE ENTIRE CLOSE FRIDAY NOOOOO FUCK save tme this is gonan suck#i'm kinda hoping he gets “sick” again I'd rather work alone TT0TT#*inhales* it'll be fine it'lle be fine it'll be fine it'll be fine#zen zen centered i am zen...I'll listen to an audio book or video i'll be ok#i'll just ignore him like i've been doing TT0TT#silly vents#vents#irl bs
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the mental illness will NEVER leave me bc why do i feel so bad for calling in sick
#i absolutely need to do something about my immune system this is ridiculous#i’ve had a horrific cough since monday and my boss fixed my schedule so im off work tomorrow and friday as well and just!!!!! fuck!!!!#i feel so bad#like ofc i cant fucking help it but oh my god#i dont want to give her more work#i have a famously bad immune system and i honestly think it was my last boss being rude when i called out sick thats fucked me up#nebulae.speaks
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I will say while I've loved most of elden ring I'm really glad I'm down to just 2 more main boss fights (malenia + maliketh) before I start the endgame boss fights... whew 😮💨
#really gorgeous world but frankly its unnecessarily long. theyre gonna kill me for saying that but its true..#some areas/bosses just become overly repetitive when the game is THAT massive like its unavoidable#they tried rly hard to distinguish every area + honestly its a great effort but it couldve been half the size and just as good#like i just did the elphael ulcerative tree spirit bc i wanted to finish millicents questline. and come on man we didnt need another one#the design is sick + loooove the animation. but its a bad fight not bc of the difficulty but bc its janky as hell#lock on doesnt work properly bc of its size and the way it moves. u cant see shit on ur screen fighting them melee its just hack n slash#and theyre always in the most dogshit arenas possible for them like spaces w no maneuverability. its just not fuuuun#especially after youve fought 5 or 6 already earlier on in the game..#and its cool to have variations like the scarlet rot ones but we already HAD one of those just before lake of rot!! the gimmicks worn off#i did everything except maliketh in farum azula today as well and again. it didnt need to be that long. killing beastmen gets boring#after like the first 20 combat is just mashing buttons.. even the platforming is getting dull bc ive done 120 hours of it now#and theres only so many combinations of ladders and hallways and so on that u can possibly cram in here..#i say all this with fondness like i truly do love it. but it couldve been a lot tighter! regardless ill still 100% complete it#and i get most ppl dont try to get every single armament and talisman etc so they probably dont waste time FULLY exploring like i am#ahhh. anyway ill probably do malenia and maliketh tmr bc im right outside both of their arenas. and then call it quits this weekend#ill get my first ending next weekend probably... and hopefully by june ill have 100% and then i can play something else 😭#ik the dlc comes out in june but ill probably take a month or two break before i get to that#it doesnt even neeeed a dlc.......its excessive as it is just make a new game by this point ahhhhh#anyway its like 1am i need to SLEEP. i said i would go out to watch for northern lights but its overcast and im tired and my roommate#didnt wanna come with.. so i was gonna go to bed early instead but i guess that didnt happen lol#gonna feel like shit tomorrow bc i have to be up early to take my meds and she'll wake me up anyway.. but cross that bridge#typing is getting difficult bc im so sleepy okay goodnight everyone#.diaries
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Really not feelin it this week. Tag rant incoming
#it's just been a slew of horrible things this week and idk how to handle any of it#we had to take my childhood cat to the vet on Monday bc she's very sick and very skinny#and we thought we'd have to put her down#I'm so thankful bc she still has a bit of time and really all I want is for her to be comfortable again before she dies#but shes in such bad shape#and I hate seeing her like that. I found her when she was just a few weeks old#and now she's 15 and she just got old out of nowhere#and I'm not gonna be able to see her anymore soon#I'm going to a funeral Saturday for one of my aunts#I wasn't close to her since I was a kid but my family more or less abandoned her#and now she's dead and I never went to see her when she was alone#and today my other aunt died. and I was close to her.#I haven't seen her in years either though bc of more family drama.#and I never visited her either. idek if she was alone or if she had people.#I should have visited her when we found out she was sick but I just didn't#idk what to do. it's all just piling up#I feel worse rn than I have in years#and more bad things just keep happening#I was excited this week bc I got some work done on my college application#but now my motivation is just gone#I just wanna sleep and wake up and find out that my aunt is actually alive and someone just got it wrong somehow#but I can't fall asleep and that won't happen so waking up won't even be worth that#I would call off work tomorrow but I don't wanna be alone and my coworkers are the only people I know in town#at least they're all nice people#this all sucks so fucking bad#personal#negative
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if i call in sick to work i shld tell them im having symptoms of emotional turmoil, physical agony n excessive bleedinfg so im gonna stay home bye
#dont have to give details i just think itd be a funny way to describe this monthly torment#also i rly am lucky i work at ass oclock in the morning cuz none of the managers are there yet#n us 5am ppl are the earliest to show up in my department so i just talk to whoever has the guy in charge phone#n its no one who will care so thats p nice#i do get anxious anyway but im just insane#also i always feel all guilty n embarrassed bleh#unless ofc i rly am mega sick#n ill have to let my mom know sometime if i do cuz she drops me off before she goes to her job#i always feel awkward n bad having to tell her im stayin home#overthinking forever yay#gotta figure this out#i just know if im at work tomorrow even if everything isnt fucked or awful like it can be there#n i feel how ive felt sometimes today like physically#dont wanna be thereeeee n im already gonna be in pain from working n now extra emotional. dies#according to my phone call history i called in like Exactly 2 months ago#which is more than the 3 months they want in between call ins but i dont think anyone else cares abt that#like coworkers of mine i mean#hmmmmmmm#p
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ough i want to call out sick today bc it's another 'waking up with brain soup' day + some congestion but i already called out 10 days ago and have been taking an average 2 sick days a month... where we only get 15 a year...
#i have pto too but dont want to use that for sick time yknow#just feel bad bc like. i am trying to work but feels like my brain and body shuts off some days#idk at least i start therapy again next week so if it is a mental problem they can help me w that maybe#kcat talks#plus i mean. the strike. would be a good timing but oof i searched posts from me in the ops channel and like 70% of them are me calling out#+ i have to mentor someone today and we already have a meeting scheduled later; could reschedule for tomorrow though
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won’t lie, experiencing some horrors
#just cried uncontrollably for like 20 mins#cried like 3 times yesterday too#i have no energy for like anything rn.. went to buy new glasses today tried on 15 pairs hated them all and then went back to my car#and cried because i really need new glasses since i fucked up my current pair and they don’t sit right now and dig into my face#tw death . my grandma passed away while i was flying home from canada#and it sucks because everyone got to be with her and say goodbye but i didn’t#and there’s a viewing tomorrow and my dad thinks i should go since it will be my last chance to see her but i don’t want to#i get that it’s a healing way to say goodbye for some people but i don’t want to see my oma lifeless#i know i’ll never get to see her again and that fucking sucks but she’s gone and i don’t want to see her like that#plus i have work and i already called in sick 2 days i don’t want to leave them short again even if it’s understandable#anyway the funeral is on tuesday at least i have the day off already and don’t have to worry about work#everything sucks soooooo fucking bad rn i won’t lie i’m not doing too great#and i miss el so much like i would kill to be able to hug my gf right now#their mom sent me a video today of them laying on the couch with their parents cat cuz they visited for father���s day#and i’ve cried twice while watching it…#argh. anyway. going to go watch a silly little video of some sort and maybe sleep early cause i haven’t been sleeping well#it’ll be ok 🧡#p
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I'm actually super upset about the fact my body is actively working against my carefully planned free time activities 😭
#I WANNA GO TO THAT GIG SO BAD WANTED TO SINCE I HEARD ABOUT IT LAST MONTH#got half a mind to just push through the pain and dizziness and go#but then there's the issue of The Blood....#and also... i'd get home around 1.30am tomorrow. and i got work tomorrow#and not getting enough sleep would make the pain and dizziness even worse#idek if i can work like this actually. but i don't wanna call in sick!!!!!#because i cannot call in sick over something so minor!!!! but also i cannot adequately care for myself at work#gotta be up and about for 8 hours no toilet breaks#but i cannot do that when i need a pitstop every 3 hours ughhhhhhh#i hate this body and all it stands for fr fr
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lads. I am fatigued
#i hate people so much i hate berlin i hate having to talk i just need silence#my mother is dragging me around here on foot and my ears hurt from the cold and i don't CARE for any of this shit#i don't want to see any of this i don't care i hate this city the next time she wants me to come i'll just say no#my fucking brother can come look after her nightmare dog in her house without a bathroom door#i want to call in sick tomorrow so bad but i just had the week off so they'll be so shitty and mean about it
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