#i want them silly and stupid and having fun because they learned that they're safe together

[originalaccountname]

and all that Chuuya talk is why I have a very specific vision for skk that is extremely hard to come across in fanworks

[lesbianpoptartsphd]

Im about to be fr. I'm a lil sapiosexual. And I didn't know there was a word for it until this moment. You gotta hear me out. It'll sound very rick and morty esque right. Like, "To be fair you have to have a really high IQ to comprehend --" ass shit. But hear me out. It's an attraction to people romantically/sexually based on intellect/intelligence. Not just finding yourself attracted to people who are intelligent, but prioritizing/valuing intellectual connection with people in your relationships bc that is a primary means in which you find yourself developing romantic loving & desire feelings for people!

I have always felt the primary means of my connection with people started in the mind & being on the same page intellectually, and ppl I can have intellectual conversations with I feel connected to in a different way - connected being the operative word. There is something weirdly (but lovingly) sexual about meeting minds like that, and the studying of that person and that mind to understand where they're coming from. Not that I don't like my friends or ppl I become into who I have shared stuff or similarities or just fun vibes with that fall outside of that, but tbh if we're not meeting minds then it'll never be all "me" showing up there in a way that is satisfying to me in my romantic/sexual endeavors. Fun is fun, but it's not the same as fulfillment, and it's not the same as excitement, and it's fun sometimes bc it's silly and stupid - which there's not a thing wrong with. It's just when I have the kind of relationship style with someone where it is a lot of being able to talk/share earnestly, and not have to have the silly dial turned on all the time, well. Yeah it's fucking awesome to have. And I find myself opening up more in those dynamics. Pursuing a kind of authenticity that feels safe because I feel grounded. And I don't know that I can find myself feeling as vulnerable & truthful, as honest & real as I want to show up. If I can't talk about complexity in ideas and have productive conversations & if it's clear that other person has no interest in like, trying to meet minds on that level, meaning they don't really add much or care enough to learn to be able to add much, then. I'm sorry but it'll always be just a lil too superficial for me to ever think me and that person could have anything going on to make a relationship work.

When I do have the mental connection, I don't know why, but it also makes me FEEL LEGITIMATELY LIKE A SLUT Like bro I. It activates the weird part of my "shut up and 🥴🤤" part of my brain. And I've long felt a little weird or stitled for legitimately feeling aroused from when people EXPLAIN things to me lmfao. Or I hear them talk extensively about their thoughts & they're really further thought-provoking and interesting ideas and stuff, and they can phrase it so well and thread different concepts or metaphors through it, or in their stories, that it feels like witnessing a profound lesson or they're infodumping about their niche passion.... And dude seriously, that's deeply attractive. I would legitimately watch a fucking deep dive video essay or something with somebody aa foreplay ahahahhaha we turn that on, i'm getting turned on. They pause it to add their own thoughts and then i'm gonna pause it so i can smooch them.

But it's more than that! It's how they talk, too! It's how when they talk they can't help but *teach* you too, and they get so excited to do that for stuff they know a lot about. And then their tone can take on a degree of great depth and seriousness once they're deep in it, and that's deeply romantic. And to pivot away from their special interests and stuff - people who are able to have pretty nuanced intellectual conversations about just kinda any topic you broach or even on a whim in random conversations and stuff, who demonstrate a lot of self-awareness & desire to learn and understand and have their mind be opened/changed, people who pursue their own intellectual interests outside of anything they "have" to and consciously make deliberate efforts to know more and understand deeper. Bro. Bro. It's joever.

There's a kind of intensity + spark associated with it, and a straightforward kind of bluntness often times to their ability to accurately comment on something and just say it. Or because they are just locked into explain mode. Or they are really feeling the weight of what they're thinking about and talking about or their mental wheels are really goin. Or they just speak really matter of factly. Or can't help but to respond to something with a really strong sense of stoicism that looks like intensity bc they'll just answer your questions or respond to your statements really like, genuinely, because they know better, and they value the perspective you're coming from, and that you may be able to add on a topic that maybe rings resonant for them. And when you're on the same wavelength of when you're both knee deep in a conversation about something, the kind of electric undercurrent of their mind racing and your mind catching up and the shifting gears and then they way you can see in BOTH your eyes when you are thinking the same thought ---- BROOOOO it's HOOOTTTTTTTT.

I feel all the feelings I wanna feel sexually/romantically from that in a desire way! Feeling kinda submissive, and a desire to almost be a little 'babied' as they're so patient to help me understand something, and their having a very blunted affect that feels a little dominant but super grounding and reassuring and frankly relaxing to be in the presence of that melts through not just in everyday but in a sexy context too. But also! In a happy romantic/friend way, I love the feeling of falling deeper in that sense of love bc it's like falling down the rabbithole, and being relaxed enough to just speak your thoughts at any time & they will listen and even if your thoughts are not "intellectual" in nature or in service to some kind of discussion, you know they're the type to take in everything they hear. You know whatever they take in, they think about, and they maintain a level of curiosity & appreciation for learning. And oh my fucking god I'm sorry I just feel like I've cracked an important code here because I think about the times in my life I've experienced this & it really has been in very unforgettable + meaningful relationships (whether platonic or romantic).

Please lord let me marry a smartypants lol

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary385

10/11-12/24

friday - saturday

played fear and hunger all day. (whoops)

i didn't even make very much progress, i'm on the middle of the second day, and i'm kind of roadblocked by rng stuff, but now i know how to get karin without triggering the death mask when i go back over the same area (i didn't realize npcs would move in zones like that, or that this area was that size). but i keep getting set back by the mob spawning, like the cluster of 3 enemies, which feels like, really difficult to deal with, and then i get blinded by those judge guys, or i just did, it hasn't happened before, so i think i'll just stop for today, but i know exactly what i am doing, so it's a little frustrating to feel so roadblocked by stuff that's random, the coinflip attack enemies do and bad loot is one thing, that's much better than like, walking over a tile and having a random chance for a mob of enemies to show up who are incredibly hard to run from. everything else though, i know what i am doing, i think. i know how to kill most of the enemies, and what i'm doing re: that. i kept getting to the orphanage and killing the guy and getting the idol thingy, then getting chased down by the deathmask after leaving every time and having olivia lose both her arms, which makes me too sad i can't have that, so i guess i've been stuck because i don't like how it feels when someone who can't use their legs also loses their arms. which is silly i guess, since they're virtual, but i dislike that. it's fun to spend lots of time on games like this, even if it's like childish, i guess. i keep wanting to do it but i'm gonna just try again tomorrow to see if i get anything good to happen, since i have a better route down, it shouldn't be like, so difficult... i hate the mobs though.

oh, just learned sylvian's circle can heal limb loss? that's good news. maybe... i'll try again, i think the mob thing is so irritating though, i've had runs where they don't appear at all... guh................. and then just getting hit with blindness,,, that sucks!!

i'll decide if i'll try again after eating yogurt, working out, then washing my face.

okay...i'm stupid, i'll try again. i realize now, i don't have to save henryk right away, i should save this for when i come back (i cleared out so much of the path towards him, it's a little bonkerzz (like... all of it? yeah, all of it), so that's not high on the priority list. i just go straight to the city from the outskirts, wait for needles to spawn, find where he spawns and kill him with red arc and the murky vial. oh, go to the bar at the start, collect wine vials, loot containers. next room is... 2 dogs run at me, shoot them with the luger, run off to the side, collect items, then the area after should be the sylvian square, where i'll need to just pray they don't spawn. can i pray to the statue there? i'll try. i run up that middle area, talk to karin, follow her to where she's taking photos after we talk about levi, and i kill those guys with the cocoons. then, from there i turn back, go the way i came hopefully avoiding the mob groups that can spawn, then i'm over to the shopping district, in the shopping district, i'll shoot at the judge freaks (beksinski esque pillars of flesh... so weird) shoot them to make their arm go away, then stun their torso? see if that'll prevent them from casting magic, you'd think their head being stunned would prevent that too... uhm, from there, go to the department store, collect the leech ring, loot whatever, there's one place, it's called like renka, i need to go there and get all the alcohol so i can heal my mind since marina is casting so much. on the way i am beheading like everything, too, with the saw. then i get to the orphanage. on the way back i will get chased by the death mask, but i should be able to outrun him. then i get into the department store, i'm like safe almost i think.

whoops walked into a land mine after feeling a rush of blood or something, lol. that was going well though, i managed to kill a mob actually, it's about having blunt weapons, so i got lucky with olivia getting one. hope that can happen again!!!!! actually, i have the pipe... i'll try keeping that on her instead of the axe. that way i can reproduce the same strategy as last time for killing them if they do show up.

okay... i did more than i thought i would. i did the apartments too. i didn't know there was an apartments level, like full level type thing. wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that was stressful!!!!!!!!!!!!! i like those neighbor things that are just based on the sh3 enemies with the big like, things on their arms. so i got 2 effigies, i need 3 to get into the church's underground, the third is in the church, sooooooooo. that is what's up tomorrow. i did a huge amount of stuff in my hexen, mostly giving it all to my character, but that's probably the best move. god, that apartment level is great, i keep thinking about stuff this game is getting at, as in like, it really is focusing in on how the girl in the first game was tortured, it's less this negative vision of human nature and really leaning into this feeling that like, because of some fucked up will, a desire to stamp out all others, to ascend, the hierarchy being posed at all, there's this profound loss and failure, it's still very negative but the desperation of that comes across better, the whole other world in this game is like a messed up factory, which hit me, it's a warzone-factory, it really is like a futurist hallucination, it's insane. the apartment zone also has a really incredible other world moment, and the music that plays scared the fuck out of me!!! wow!!

i'm really sad though, black kalev died... i'm actually super torn up about him dying he's like my cute buddy. but now he's dead. i have daan, who i really like, he's like awesome to me. but black kalev is so cute, even if he is like an evil freak, maybe... maybe he can come back? i dunno. he's magical and strange. i should go back to the woodsman otherworld, see if the man in black is still there. glad i can put my obsessive freak-out thing to rest, and that i did everything, even if i did lose my goat friend. rest in peace goat buddy. he was like so useless... he missed most of his attacks, it didn't mean anything... it was perfect.

ok... like almost nothing else done today, i did do a tiny bit of writing, some revisions of some dialogue came to me as i was showering. god. what will i do... i need to wake up early-ish sunday probably? will i just get 3 hours of sleep now? probably... uhmm. yeah.

anything else about the game... i love the theme of the orphanage, i love the weird ghost girl who looks like that person who follows me around a little bit. i need to figure out how to talk to her, or whatever, where is she... i'll probably never figure that out... bleh. oh i did get the reveal aura spell, that should help... i really like the characters so far, i like that it seems like karin killed levi cuz he is a bremen pig. i wonder where august is i saw him jumping on roofs. i'm like so loopy, right now, i'm just thinking about video games. that's messed up.

good song... other good thing about the game, it made me write down numbers in my little notebook for a puzzle. that's how you know a game is good.

okay, time to sleep,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ipatrichor]

I FULLY FORGOT ABOUT THIS ty for the reminder skjbhf :') i'll put the snippets under a cut bc they get long and i also include elaboration & discussion for each au ^^

fae au: ace and sabo's first meeting. they are like cats sniffing each other through a door except instead of a door it's the hallway between the cells they're locked in

There is someone in Sabo’s cell. Normally that wouldn’t be weird, because there is often someone in the cell when he gets in trouble, except that someone has always been him. The weird part is that it’s someone else in Sabo’s cell. He squints at them from the cell he’s been put in (a different one! They never put him in a different cell!), and they glare back at him defiantly. “You’re in my cell.” He says, and maybe it should seem a little silly a thing to get worked up over which cell he’s put in, but- he doesn’t like change. Change means his calculations could be thrown off, that things might happen he can’t plan for, and that’s not safe. Not the fun kind of unsafe, the kind where he manages to escape for an afternoon and run wild through the streets- getting closer to the forest, and to freedom, every time. Change is the kind of unsafe that means cold eyes and tight grips digging into his arm, hungry nights and the dread of waiting for the other shoe to drop. The kid in his (his!) cell is staring at him like he’s an idiot now, which Sabo does not appreciate. “That’s your cell,” He says rudely, gesturing to the one Sabo is currently in. “Are you stupid?” “No!” Sabo scowls, yanking on the handcuff where it chains one of his hands to the wall. They’d learned quite quickly that more restraints than just bars were needed to keep him in. “Normally they throw me in that one, so it’s mine. How come you’re in my cell?” The kid looks like he understands something, almost as if he knows what it’s like to have nothing and cling desperately to what’s yours, even the bad stuff (especially the bad stuff) and Sabo bristles at the assumption. “Got grabbed.” He looks Sabo up and down, still wary but slightly less hostile. “You look noble. How come you’re locked up?” “Don’t call me that!” Sabo snaps, practically snarling at the insult. He may have been born noble, but he hates it, hates them and their stupid rules and their cruelty and the way they don’t care about anyone, not even really each other. “They can’t keep me here forever, no matter how many times they lock me up!” The kid looks at him, really looks, and Sabo glares back under the scrutiny. There’s something he doesn’t understand, some weight to the air and the way the kid looks at him, like the way it feels when his parents are making some kind of decision in their heads without telling him. He hates it, and makes his feelings clear with the worst, nastiest look he learned from scuffling with other kids during his previous escapes. “Whatever.” The kid says eventually, and the feeling goes away like it was never there. “You’re still stupid. Who gets mad about which cell they get put in? Weirdo.” Sabo hisses and spits and yells, but there’s less of an edge to their arguing for the rest of the night. Weirdo is leagues better than noble, and part of Sabo has already decided that the next time he breaks out, the weird kid in the basement cellar is coming with him.

after this it goes something like

sabo: [angry at the world bc parent-related trauma] ace: he's just like me fr.... sabo: [shows a reasonable amount of concern over ace having a minor injury] ace: oh shit. is this what being cared about is like. fuck. what the fuck am i supposed to do with that. do i adopt him into my family and dedicate my life to him?? it worked out fine with luffy so that's probably the reasonable and proportionate response???? luffy, after catching up with them after they bust out: ace :( i like this guy and he's leaving :( can we keep him please :( ace, pretending he hadn't been planning exactly that: uh. i mean. i guess if you want. luffy: :D :D

and then the rest is history lol

ghost, hallucination, what's the difference?: this one's the scene koala finds out about the situation and sabo has his first proper conversation with ace

“I’m just saying! It’s concerning.” Koala stresses with a scowl, and Sabo barely manages to restrain a sigh. He knows she worries, and he truly is grateful. He wouldn’t have made it this far without her and Hack, and all three of them know it. However, normally Koala’s classic angry concern is leveled at him because he’s done something, usually something stupid, not because- Well. I like her, Sabo’s very dead brother offers from where he’s lounging at Sabo’s desk. She looks like she could kick your ass. Pointedly ignoring that remark (he has kicked Koala’s ass almost as many times as she’s kicked his, thanks very much), Sabo meets his friend’s eyes and tries to dredge up what sincerity he has the energy for. “I understand that, but the situation is under control.” And then softer, when she looks like she’s still going to argue- “I know it’s not real, Koala.” Rude, the hallucination mutters in a voice Sabo has only heard in a recording of events that he really doesn’t need to think about right now, and right he should really be focusing on Koala if he intends to assure her that he’s managing this whole situation fine. His friend scrutinizes his face, no doubt noting the bags under his eyes and ten other signs of his condition that he’s not even aware of, but she knows just as well as he does that if acknowledging it’s not real doesn’t make it go away there’s not much either of them can do about it. “Just- take it easy,” She eventually relents, scowling in a way that he knows from experience means ‘I’m worried about you and it’s not productive, so get your shit together or I’ll make you’. After a moment’s hesitation, she continues more carefully. “And just... remember that you can talk to us, okay? Don’t lock yourself up with the dead.” Sabo lets his smile turn crooked and real. “I know. Thank you, Koala.” She punches him on the arm and ducks out, and Sabo turns back to inspect the paperwork he’s finally done putting off. Unfortunately, his view is blocked by Ace sitting at his desk, leaning on the top and looking at him with undisguised curiosity. So, this is what you’ve been up to? The hallucination asks. Filling out forms and getting punched? C’mon, don’t tell me you work for the government or something. Sabo can’t help the grimace that crosses his face at that particular thought, and it snickers. “Hardly. Quite the opposite, in fact.” He crosses the room to stand in front of the desk. The hallucination looks like the pictures Sabo has been able to find, freckles and dark hair hanging around its chin and the same stupid smirk Ace always had when he thought he was winning at something. You’re not a pirate, either. But it sounds less sure now, watching him with interest. “No.” Sabo lets himself grin, because he’s doing good work with the Revolutionary Army and he’s proud of what they’ve accomplished. “I’m a revolutionary.” Seriously? The hallucination squawks, but the surprise fades fast and something Sabo would almost call pride if he didn’t know better fills its face. I should’a guessed. It suits you! Is that why you never told us you were alive, cause it’s all top-secret? Sabo’s smile drops. He forgot, for a bit there, but how kind of his brain to remind him that his brother died never knowing he survived. The same way he’ll never know who Ace grew into, what his mannerisms were like, if he ever found what he was looking for- Ace will never know the same things about him. His brother is dead, and Sabo is hallucinating whatever this situation is- out of guilt, maybe? His mind trying to spare him grief by pretending Ace is there to speak to? Whatever it is, he’s entertained this for long enough. He has work to do. “No.” Pushing down the now-familiar burn that he pretends is fire sparking behind his eyes, he picks up the first pile of reports to go through. “And hallucinations don’t get opinions, they move or they get sat on.” Rude, it grumbles again, less cheerful this time, but obligingly vanishes. Sabo sits in his chair, and pretends he doesn’t wish it were still around.

fun fact! this scene, a nighttime conversation, and the emotional climax of visiting ace's grave are all specifically ace's ghost. there's a couple other scenes that i've decided are specifically a hallucination, and the rest are all left up to interpretation (even to me! outside of those few, fuck if i know which aces are real or not. not my problem tbh)

patricide au: i'm planning a fair amount of establishment of sabo's current situation as well as a few chance asl encounters prior to this scene, but this one is when ace finds out that sabo has been lying to them whenever they run into each other

“But- you were supposed to be free,” Ace stutters, and in any other situation Sabo might laugh at how wrong-footed he seems. “Your letter said you’d set sail already!” “I lied.” Sabo doesn’t say it unkindly, but he knows it's maybe the cruelest response he could've given. In his experience, the truth often is. Ace makes a noise like the strangled gasp of an animal choking on its own blood, and Sabo wants nothing more than to wipe the gutted expression from his brother's face but finds himself frozen to the spot, unable to bring himself to move. “Why?” Because I didn't want to stand in the way of you chasing our dreams, he doesn't say. Because I would give up everything for you and Luffy, would stay forever in the place I hate most just to watch your backs until you can finally escape. He doesn't say any of it, but he thinks maybe Ace still has that uncanny ability to understand what he’s thinking because the longer the silence stretches the closer he looks to either punching the nearest wall or tackling Sabo. Or both. Knowing him, it's probably both, in that order. “No.” Ace says, in the tone of somehow who’s made an important decision. Sabo raises his eyebrows. “No?” “No.” Ace nods as though this clarifies anything at all. “I’m kidnapping you.” Ah. How very Ace-like, to come up with a plan that would work just fine, for anyone else in any other situation. Unfortunately for them both, they are who they are. More specifically, Sabo is who he is, and just like when he walked away from everything he had ever wanted as a child, he will never hesitate to put his brothers before himself. It wasn’t so hard, the second time. Giving up his dream was easier than turning away from Luffy’s sobs, than trying to ignore Ace screaming for him to forget them and run. It got easier every day he made the choice, to stay and choke on his hatred and build it into a wall to trap everything bitter and evil and cruel in with him so that it would never come anywhere near his real family. He knew they wouldn’t see it the same way. Luffy has never understood why people have to do things they don’t want to, and Ace has never agreed with other people making sacrifices on his behalf, the hypocrite. It’s why he lied in the first place, and why he would have kept lying to them for as long as he needed to. The problem with lying to people, unfortunately, is that when they find out- and they do, especially when it’s imperative that they don’t- they tend to be unhappy about it. Case in point, Ace in front of him, trying (and failing) to look more angry than hurt. Still, Sabo’s job is to protect them. That includes from their own poor choices, or at least the ones directly involving him. Even if he wants nothing more than to give in and get swept away, carried off to where salty air and freedom and family await... he can’t.

in the funny timeline, this scene unsurprisingly ends with sabo getting kidnapped. ace thinks all the reasons he gives for it being a bad idea are stupid (sabo disagrees, but after the stunt he pulled his opinion privileges have been revoked). in the less funny timeline, the scene ends sadly and sabo goes back to goa alone to feel terrible for like two weeks before ace and luffy bust down his door to kidnap him. i haven't decided which scenario to go with yet, but either way he ends up getting yoinked bc his brothers are Not about to let his self-sacrificing bullshit go unchallenged

asl problemsolving, patricide au edition: luffy: i'll hit the problem with my fists until it fixes itself! ace: i'll set the problem on fire until it fixes itself! sabo: i am going to take over the local government.

also, a bit that will likely end up cut but was too funny not to include somewhere

ace: i'm gonna tell luffy sabo: you wouldn't. it would make him sad, and you'd never do that on purpose ace: you're right, i won't tell luffy. i will, however, snitch to dadan. she's going to yell and cry. you know she will. and then she'll tell makino, who'll be so sad and disappointed sabo, gritting his teeth: you bitch

cd assassination au: this scene is pretty self-explanatory. i don't like writing fight scenes despite having learned some martial arts and several weapons, because i'm not really a visual person so i have trouble with choreography in my head lol, and adrenaline does crazy things so i have an excuse. ANYWAY warnings for gun violence, regular violence, mild gore (mostly just blood), implied injury, background enemies getting fucked up, and also whatever the hell is going on with sabo mentally

After, he’ll only remember snapshots of the fight, blurred by adrenaline and something a little like fear and a lot like hate burning in his veins. Diving behind a corpse that doesn’t know it’s dead yet, hands closing around a standard-issue firearm. Gunfire. The sound a glass helmet makes at it shatters. The smug expression on a bloody face that doesn’t live long enough to understand that, for perhaps the first time in its life, it has lost. Something collides with his side but he barely feels it, discarding the information as soon as it arrives. The pull of haki turning his hands cold beneath his gloves. Something flashing by his face on the right, and a searing pain that fades from his attention too quickly for him to pay it any mind. Blood, staining the dirt everywhere he looks. Strained, gurgling final breaths as someone next to him chokes on their own blood. Ace’s flames straining beneath his skin, held in check only by the understanding that allowing the fire to protect him like it wants to will only make things worse. He stands alone, in a battlefield gone quiet. -- “SABO!” Someone hollers, and he near about jumps out of his skin before recognizing the voice. There’s the immediate rush of affection warring with terror, because no one who knows that name should be anywhere near him right now, not when this has left him a mess of jagged edges he doesn’t quite feel up to pulling back into a human shape just yet. Preferably, he’d have at least ten minutes to panic and ride out whatever has taken hold of him with twitching fingers and wheezing lungs- he could make do with less in a pinch, but he thinks he deserves the full span after killing a Celestial Dragon and nope he is not thinking about it! He turns his attention to the newcomers instead with a turn that hopefully looks energetic and pleasantly surprised instead of jerky and just to the left of panicked, and he can’t help the grin that rises to his face at the sight of Luffy. It’s been too long, and he’s missed his brother damn it, even if Luffy lingers on the edge of where all the blood is splattered. “Luffy!” Sabo shouts back, hoping that his cheer drowns out the very real panic taking over at the thought of his little brother within five hundred miles of what just happened and what could still come of it. “Hold on, I’ll come to you!” He picks his way through the bodies as carefully as he can, but thankfully fast enough that Luffy doesn’t get impatient and just jump in to tackle him. Still, pretty much the moment he’s clear there are arms wrapping around his chest and a warm body colliding with his, and he can’t help but laugh even as the contact shakes something deep within him, feeling like he’s about to jitter out of his skin. Still- it’s a Luffy hug, something he missed even when he didn’t know what he was missing, and definitely not something to ever be taken for granted. So he winds his arms around Luffy in return as tightly as he can manage, and holds his brother while disregarding the part of him that is a wounded animal, shuddering and snarling and eventually simmering in antagonistic silence just under his skin.

things get better after a little bit, because luffy makes everything better eventually and will stand for nothing else, but it's a bit of a stressful process getting there. however, there are (paraphrased) fun bits in the next conversation that go something like

luffy: so, whatcha doing? sabo, having just emerged from a field of bloodied corpses: oh, yknow. regular boring stuff. what about you?

chopper: i think you're going into shock, you need medical attention sabo: im not in shock?? this doesnt even make my top 10 list of murders ive done sabo: wait no, i take it back. a celestial dragon definitely makes top 5. im still not in shock tho chopper, eye twitching: that is not helping your case nearly as much as you think it is

sabo: *actively bleeding* idk, i don't think i need medical attention- luffy: :( ? sabo, who would do far worse than killing a bunch of people to make sure luffy never felt sad again: WELL i guess it couldn't hurt to get checked over just in case luffy, who knows his power full well and uses it to make sure his friends take care of themselves: :D

one piece (literally just asl bros lmao) fics im currently working on

- fae au: mostly outlined, partially written. fae luffy & ace, (mostly) human sabo. covers from the trio's first meeting up to their reunion/sabo recovering his memories (possibly longer for an alternate marineford? idk im trying not to make it too long but we'll see)

- ghost/hallucination: mostly outlined. sabo starts seeing ace after eating the fruit. it's left intentionally ambiguous whether these are hallucinations like he believes, or is actually ace's ghost visiting him

- patricide au: partially outlined. sabo doesn't find out about the fire until after it happens, and instead of trying to escape he instead decides that his brothers will only be safe if he essentially takes over the goa kingdom. he then proceeds to subtly do that by killing his dad to take over the company and installing stelly as a puppet king, and then uses his connections to aid the revolutionaries (mostly i wanted sabo and stelly to have a bitchy coworker dynamic, but asl comes into the picture later)

- sabo kills a celestial dragon au: mostly outlined. and listen, i know. im aware of the consequences. but hear me out: it would be really funny and also they ruined his life i think he should get to do a little a politically motivated assassination. as a treat

[ursaminortarot]

Pick-a-card Reading

I did another pick-a-card reading, this time focusing on love and romance. Also, if this is relevant to you or resonated with you at all, can you leave a comment with your astrological sign and which pile you picked? If you know your moon, rising, and venus, could you leave those as well? I have a theory I want to test.

The piles you can pick from are:

Pile 1: Hyena

Pile 2: Swan

Pile 3: Frog

Pile 4: Lion

Pile 5: Fire Ant

Pile 6: Black Egg

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pile 1: Hyena

Wheel of Fortune, 5 of Wands, 3 of Swords reversed, Soulmates reversed, Wisdom Ace of Swords, 8 of Pentacles reversed, Father of Swords reversed, Co-create, Vision 10 of swords, 10 of Wands reversed, The Moon reversed, Go the Distance, Bond Knight of Wands reversed, 9 of Swords, The Sun reversed, Regenerate, Message Knight of Cups, 8 of Wands reversed, 6 of Swords reversed, Yin reversed, Achievement Bonus Cards: 3 of Pentacles reversed, 3 of Wands reversed, Death, 5 of Cups reversed, 6 of Swords

You haven’t had the best of luck with your past relationships. You’ve dealt with heartbreak and disappointment and that’s made you skeptical of love; and if you ever believed in soulmates, you don’t anymore. The positive to all this pain is that you’ve learned a lot about yourself and how to assert your boundaries. You’re the type of person to throw yourself into work as a distraction. Keeping yourself busy to avoid processing your emotions is something that can only work for so long. You need to focus less on work, it’s preventing you from doing the work you need to do in order to move on. You may even begin having dreams about your most recent relationship until this is done. Ending negative cycles can be a difficult and daunting task, but in this case it’s necessary. Otherwise you won’t find your peace. You are healing, it may not be progressing at the speed you want, but these things take time. You were meant to find this message: “there’s light at the end of the tunnel”. Healing isn’t linear, so don’t feel defeated after a hard day, week, month, or even a hard year. At this moment, you should focus on finding harmony within yourself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pile 2: Swan

The Chariot, The Tower, Ace of Wands reversed, A leg Up, Poised, Death, Reflect 3 of Cups, Temperance reversed, The Chariot reversed, Co-create, Regeneration, Deceit 5 of Pentacles reversed, Page of Wands, Temperance reversed, Time to go, Protect Page of Wands, Two of Swords reversed, 9 of Pentacles, Why? reversed, Tick-tock reversed, Luck 4 of Cups reversed, Queen of Wands, 6 of Wands reversed, Breath, Come to the Edge, Terra, Vision

I get the feeling that you don’t have a type, or if you do it’s always changing. Sometimes you can be a little rash with love and this can get you in trouble. You’re the kind of person who will turn someone’s world upside down - and then you ghost them. You haven't always been this way. At one point you were in a serious relationship, and for some of you, possibly engaged or planning a family. This relationship didn’t end well, it was a very messy break up. I get the impression that you were likely cheated on. You end relationships so quickly, and sometimes harshly, because you would rather hurt the other person than risk being hurt again. You haven’t felt safe with a partner in a long time, but the problem here is that you don’t stick around long enough to develop the level of trust that you want to have within a relationship. What you need to do right now is spend time alone, dig deep, and really think about what it is that you want. Do you even want a relationship right now, or are you just looking to have fun? You’re not very grounded at the moment, this is a contributing factor to your restlessness. If you can, take some time to enjoy nature and find your center. If you’re the kind of person who likes to party, you’re being asked to slow down and pace yourself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pile 3: Frog

[Before getting into the reading, I’m getting a distinct feeling from this pile. Either, you’ve never been in a relationship or you don’t have a lot of experience with them.]

The Moon reversed, Knight of Pentacles, The Hanged Man reversed, Building Blocks reversed, Balance The Empress, Queen of Swords reversed, Ace of Cups reversed, To Be Fair, Achievement 5 of Cups reversed, King of Wands reversed, 10 of Wands reversed, Milk and Honey, Simplicity 3 of Cups, 4 of Pentacles, The Tower reversed, Higher Power, Sol 2 of Cups, 6 of Pentacles, Daughter of Cups reversed, Never-ending story, Transformation Bonus Cards: 8 of Wands reversed, 7 of Wands reversed, Clean it up reversed

You’re very cautious or picky when it comes to relationships. There are a lot of fears present here, but we’ll handle them one at a time. There’s a fear of not finding stability or being trapped. You want everything to be fair and equal in a relationship, but this can make it difficult to ask for what you want or need. You don’t want to be too much, but you also don’t want to be giving more than you’re receiving. You hold yourself and other people to high standards, some might say that they’re impossible to meet. You know exactly what you want in a partner, and that makes you afraid of disappointment.  It’s not that you need to lower your standards, but you need to realize that it’ll be difficult to find someone who meets all of your expectations. If you don’t want to wait until that person crosses your path, or if you don’t even believe that they’re real, then you’re going to need to discern what standards are a necessity and which one’s are preferences that you can go without. People like being around you, because you have the ability to put them at ease. You built up this skill and put a lot of work into it. You have this need to make sure others feel safe when they're with you. You don’t want others to feel like they can’t be themselves around you, because you know how awful that can feel. You can connect with people on a deep level very easily. This is what’s frustrating for you, because if you can bond with people so easily then why haven’t you found your person? You are an extremely lonely person, but you need to accept that things will progress at their own pace and you need to get comfortable being alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pile 4: Lion

Queen of Swords, Queen of Pentacles reversed, 2 of Pentacles reversed, Soulmates reversed, Deceit The Fool, The Page of Cups, The Fool reversed, Poised, Breath, Sleep 10 of Cups, Six of Wands reversed, The Magician reversed, Here and Now, Cycle 3 of Pentacles, High Priestess, The Chariot reversed, Not for you, Exchanging Gifts, Bond The Hermit, Justice, Daughter of Wands reversed, Go the Distance, Wisdom Bonus Cards: Ace of Swords, Ace of Swords reversed

You’re a very strong and intelligent person, but you can be cold and calculating. You’re at odds with yourself because you want to be softer. You are a hopeless romantic at heart, but you can’t bring yourself to express it. You restrain that softer, more romantic side of yourself to save face. You don’t want to look stupid, but you also want to do all the sappy, silly lovey-dovey shit. You have a very creative side to you and you could use that as a way to explore your softer side. You don’t have to share your art with anyone, but it could help shift the way people perceive you. It could make it easier to express to people that there’s more to you than the cold front you’ve been putting up. Finding balance is key. You are analytical & calculating, but you’re also romantic & nurturing, and you need to find a way to exist as both, or you’re never going to get anywhere.

You should focus less on the future. You’re so worried about having this perfect fairytale ending, that you’re just getting in your own way.

You see the world in a very unique way and you don’t think you’ll meet someone who understands how you process and think about the world around you. You have a lot of conflicting feelings right now, and that’s okay, it’s human. You can’t be perfect all of the time.

 Also, you need to chill, you’re taking this way too seriously. Love, romance, and relationships are supposed to be fun. Go meditate in a forest or something, run away to the mountains, just find a way to relax. I can’t fully describe with words the extent of the uptight/tightly-wound energy I’m getting from you. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pile 5: Fire Ant

7 of Cups reversed, 3 of Wands, Daughter of Swords, Truth be Told reversed, Simplicity The Empress, 10 of Wands reversed, 5 of Pentacles reversed, Observer reversed, Go the Distance, Deceit 2 of Wands, Queen of Swords, The Hanged Man, 9 of Swords reversed, Soulmates reversed, Fork in the Road, Healing Queen of Cups, King of Wands reversed, Ace of Swords reversed, Building Blocks reversed, Exchanging Gifts reversed, Balance   3 of Pentacles reversed, Queen of Wands reversed, Death, 8 of Pentacles, Poised reversed, Sol

You’re juggling a lot emotionally and I feel like you cope with these feelings through art. You are highly perceptive and you have a piercing gaze that can see through everybody’s bullshit. You value truth above anything else in relationships. You see so much that it makes it difficult for you to feel. It’s not that you don’t have feelings, it’s that you break everything down to the smallest detail and your feelings stop being feelings and become observations and data. You’ve become overly analytical and it’s getting in the way of potential relationships. I feel like you are this way because you saw something in someone once and you ignored it, and then you really wish you hadn’t. You thought that you had a future with someone who thought of themself as kind of a sacrificial lamb, so to speak. This person could not take accountability, everything was someone else's fault, and most of the time, they blamed you. Even though most of it was self-inflicted because they didn’t know how to say no and just went along with everyone and everything. Your view on relationships and love has been changed by this experience. The good news is that you’re starting to heal, but you’ll likely never see love the same way and you won’t be able to trust people as readily as you once did. You still believe in love and romance, for other people, but not for yourself. You don’t believe that you’ll ever be able to share that much of yourself with another person again. You have this ‘once was enough’ energy to you. If you want romance in the future, which I’m assuming you do because you’re reading this, you need to work on rebuilding the parts of yourself that got damaged by that relationship. Put yourself and your healing first and maybe, one day, you’ll be able to open yourself up to the prospect of romance again. Nothing’s impossible. This lack of confidence you have in yourself is starting to impact your professional life. You need to find yourself again, and that’s not going to be easy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pile 6: Black Egg

[This reading is all over the place. I can’t tell if that’s because I was tired after doing the other 5 readings or if it’s because you, the person who picked pile 6, are someone who has energy that bounces from one thing to another very quickly.]

Wheel Of Fortune, Ace of Pentacles, 4 of Wands reversed, 6 of Pentacles, Treasure Island reversed, Sol King of Wands reversed, 6 of Swords, Justice, Mother of Swords reversed, Chop Wood, Achievement 5 of Pentacles, The Hierophant reversed, 6 of pentacles reversed, Father of swords reversed, All that Glitters, Bond 3 of Swords reversed, 10 of Wands, Son of Wands reversed, Daughter of Swords, A Leg Up, Arcana The World reversed, Death reversed, Ace of Wands reversed, 2 of Wands reversed, Blessed reversed, Air

You’ve had a rocky love life up until this point. All you want is stability because that’s something that has been lacking in your life, you need a balance between the domestic side of a relationship and having the freedom to be able to go off and do whatever you want. You don’t want to be pinned down, and yet, you want to pin someone else down. You need to allow potential partners the freedom you’re asking for.

You’ve gotten some bad relationship advice in the past. Someone told you that you need to be something you're not, or at least pretend to be something you’re not. The problem with this kind of thinking is that once your partner discovers that you haven’t been entirely truthful with them, they're not gonna want to stick around. Because, you know, people don’t like being lied to. 

You’ve had your heart broken in past relationships because you felt like you couldn’t turn to your partner for help. They were someone that asked a lot of you, but wouldn’t reciprocate. 

You’re an intelligent, and perceptive person, but you’re also incredibly passionate and a little head-strong. So, sometimes you don’t think before you act and that’s been a point of tension in past relationships. You want to rush everything, but there are no shortcuts in love. You need to slow down or find someone who can match your energy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know that readings with 30ish cards take me about an hour to do, so why was I surprised that this took me 6 hours? 

I don’t know how much of my personality to let show throughout these kinds of readings. I don’t want them to be dry or too detached, but at the same time people probably just want to know what their piles have to say.

[The decks I used were the Modern Witch Tarot, the Wild Unknown tarot, the Earthbound Oracle, the Wisdom of the Oracle and the Wild Unknown Animal Spirit oracle.]

I feel like these were too specific to apply to a lot of people, but also not specific enough. So, if you want a more personalized reading check out my Etsy shop.

https://www.etsy.com/shop/UrsaMinorTarot

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

E for nhthcth, M and Q, please?

E: If you wrote a sequel to [insert fic], what would it be about?

The thing about nhthcth is that it's going to be very bad for a very long time and then it's going to all get resolved one way or another, for better or for worse. I don't want to say anything about how that ending is going to go, so I'm going to keep it vague.

I'd probably do a sequel with a drastically different tone. Now, it's all plot and serious dark stuff. I'd probably do something really fluffy as a sequel. Like, roadtrip/roommate sitcom/silly fun happy stuff as a sort of "where do we go from here" recovery healing thing. No plot whatsoever. The ending yall get is going to be the ending of the plot, and it’s going to be absolute.

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

oooh soooooo many. i think the ones i'd most like to one day write (if i ever had the time) would be:

Buzzfeed Unsolved!AU with Gerry Keay, Jon Sims, and Danny Stoker, wherein a few idiots on the run from the supernatural try to cover up their monster-filled lifestyle by pretending to be like, really shitty ghost hunters, only then they accidentally become popular. for being skeptics. as to the existence. of the supernatural. that. they're on the run from. oops. featuring a gertrude who cannot believe that these idiots are actually succeeding.

Peter Parkers Roommate Drama following nwh, wherein they got a fucked up glitch while the wizard was doing magic that let them bounce back and forth between dimensions, so they just. find the one that has the cheapest rent. and all live there together. commute to their own dimensions for Spider-Man and work. because it's too expensive to live alone but they can't have roommates without risking their secret identity. featuring multiple daredevils, avengers, wade wilsons, and j jonah jamesons.

Bucky Barnes Designated Driver AU, wherein Matt Murdock makes so many wrong decisions they round around to the right decision. Daredevil helps out the Winter Soldier, offers him a safe place, and the sheer dumbfuckery this asshole is capable of starts tearing through years of hydra brainwashing and leaves bucky barnes as the only one with sense stuck with the entire new york vigilante population. featuring a half feral peter parker, a may who has been convicted of felony arson and only regrets getting caught, a long-suffering foggy nelson, a terrifying Karen page, and a bucky barnes who cannot believe how fucking stupid these assholes are.

this isn't a fandom I've put anything out for before but I have this elaborate Fake Dating AU between All Might and Inko from My Hero Academia, except instead of Fake Dating it's fake bitter exes. Problems at the entrance exam results in Izuku's parent being called, only he doesn't want this to be how his mom finds out he has a quirk so he calls all might to get him instead. only. they already called his mom. And he called his “dad.” And everyone just sort of decides to roll with it to cover up OFA. So everyone thinks inko and all might had a reallllllllllyyyy messy divorce and are trying to hold it together for their son, that they had together. featuring an exhausted aizawa, an enthusiastic and earnest iida, and a shinsou who has learned entirely too much about the symbol of peace’s home life.

Q: Do you have any discarded scenes/storylines/projects?

also so many. there's a lot of stories that I love but that I’m pretty sure I’ll never write, and a lot of stories where I ended up changing the shape of the story and losing some of what I had. In nhthcth, there was originally a storyline involving Naomi herne and Evan Lukas. I ended up trashing it because it mostly served to bring in another character, and I could do that in a much easier and more direct way. Danny’s story is actually the opposite—he had a much smaller role, and then he ended up getting developed and becoming a central character. I ended up trashing Mike crews original role in the story as a result and rewriting it entirely.

Jon and Gerry made me so sad in nhthcth that I actually have like? 90ish pages? Of a fanfic of like, my own fanfic, where Elias didn’t do his due diligence and bind Jon young and they actually escaped. Agnes Montague was there, and aged down for the sake of the story. In my head, it was called the Gerry Keay Home for Disillusioned Child Messiahs. Fun story, but I’ve ultimately discarded it.

There’s a lot of stories that are just too long for me to commit to writing, so theyre effectively discarded. I had this one Jon Sims/Danny Stoker dated in uni story (based on another tumblr post, I have no idea where that is though, I’ll go back and edit this with credit if I find it again) that was so sad that my friend went into the groupchat to tattle on me for making her sad when I was telling her about it. I wrote like? Twelve pages of it? Then I got distracted with something else. But I love it still.

[waltenfiled]

hermit2022 || a writing challenge with 31 days! of writing hermits! just hermits, any hermit with any series they're in

note || i'm so silly and stupid, I accidentally deleted the original post

date started || I forgo :(

DAY 1 - free-fall (i.e character learns how to fly, character rapidly falls from the air, bridging in the nether goes wrong)

DAY 2 - murder case (i.e character commits a murder, character tries to solve a murder case, character witnesses a murder)

DAY 3 - stars (i.e character vows to give the stars to someone, character is in space and tries to get close to one)

DAY 4 - letters (i.e character writes a letter, character recieves a letter, character cries over a letter and tears it apart)

DAY 5 - resistance (i.e character forms a resistance, character gets shunned out for their resistance over something, character's decisions about something gets resisted)

DAY 6 - introductions (i.e character gets introduced to someone by connections, character meets someone who's in the same situation)

DAY 7 - attempted murder (i.e character tries to murder someone, the character gets paid to murder someone they love and they form a hoax so the other is still alive and the other gets the money)

DAY 8 - eye-spy (i.e character hires a spy, characters play eye spy with my little eye, the character is a spy)

DAY 9 - board games (i.e characters argue over a board game, characters all cheat and they all know it, characters discuss what board game they're going to play)

DAY 10 - daybreak (i.e character watches the sunrise, character cries because daylight means everything is over and it's safe now)

DAY 11 - warmth (i.e character chills in the nether cause they're cold, character seeks shelter in a friend's home and sits near the fireplace)

DAY 12 - maintenance (i.e redstoner performs maintenance, character daily checks up on their builds, character gets hired to fix something and gets dragged into something weird)

DAY 13 - travel (i.e character travel to someone, character tries to find something really important, character goes on a hike)

DAY 14 - chocolate (i.e character receives chocolates, characters have a fun time drinking hot chocolate)

DAY 15 - camera (i.e character takes pictures during travel, character flips through a photo book for the memories)

DAY 16 - flowers (i.e character plants flowers, character receives flowers, character owns a flower shop)

DAY 17 - undercover (i.e character goes undercover in a rival group, character attempts to integrate into a lifestyle for a mission but gets attached to it and never wants to complete it ever again)

DAY 18 - heroes (i.e character becomes a hero, character is a lead for a hero organization, character shit talks a hero, character's a villian who takes a hero hostage, character's a hero turned villian)

DAY 19 - late calls (i.e character calls their friend late at night, character gets a shady call at the brink of dawn)

DAY 20 - in bed (i.e character gets taken care of because they're in bed and can't get up, character gets served breakfast in bed)

DAY 21 - flight (i.e character flies a plane, character gains wings and flies, character's in a place devoid of gravity)

DAY 22 - wander (i.e character gets into a place they've never been before and explores, character is in the void and can't get out so they're just there endlessly wandering)

DAY 23 - library (i.e character visits a library they've never been before, character borrows a book from a library)

DAY 24 - space travel (i.e character travels to space and figures out a horrifying secret, character gets back from space)

DAY 25 - hybrid (i.e character meets a hybrid, character is a rare hybrid, character's a hybrid, character feels safe at home as a hybrid)

DAY 26 - cooking (i.e character cooks for someone, character is sick and someone cooks for them, character gets food)

DAY 27 - pranks (i.e character engages in a prank character pranks people, character gets hit with a prank)

DAY 28 - low spoons (i.e character is having a terrible day and is low spoons, character recieves cuddles during a low spoons day)

DAY 29 - movies (i.e character binges a childhood movie, character goes on a movie date, character analyzes their favourite movie)

DAY 30 - runaway (i.e character runs away with someone, character finds somewhere to stay after fleeing home)

DAY 31 - lady death (i.e character interacts with lady death, how lady death became so known, character befriends lady death)

[mysticmeadowscamp]

*hands you my angst pass with a curteous nod*

So you said Virgil was bullied because of their autism (eg. stimming, learning things differently) and it hit me  h a r d  so here's a bit of projection 

I don't know if you've ever said vee is claustophobic in which case this entire headcanon is trash

but imagine them being teased in class by a few kids because when the teacher said it was raining cats and dogs and little virgil looked out of the window they frowned and loudly asked where the cats and dogs were - that is a very innocent and honest mistke that a lot of autistic people will make, but these mean kids already thought of Virgil as stupid and this was just another little nail in the coffin. The teacher giggled and explained that it wasn't actually, it's an expression silly and her laughter kind of gave the other kids in class permission to laugh at virgil

and throughout the lesson the kids keep making jokes about it without the teacher even realising because the whole class is chatting - and all vee can hear for half an hour is people telling them they're stupid and laughing at them and they don't say anything they just stare down at their math worksheet but their pencil doesn't move for the whole lesson because tears are rolling down their cheeks silently and they don't want to do anything to let the kids know that vee is crying

and then it's lunchtime and as Vee runs outside they still hear laughing and they go directly to the little bench in the corner of the playground that no one goes to and hide under it and let themself cry and rock themselves and tug their hair, stimming and sobbing until they have to go back to class, back to the bullies

...

okay the happy ending doesn't come til a few years later

but virgil has come to see small enclosed spaces as safe and comforting and when they need to stim but are embarrassed about it still, they run into a closet or roll under the bed or something to let it out

and when the storm-callaghan family have first moved in to the same house, dee is the first one to find vee when they do this 

virgil has just been os overwhelmed with all the changes happening recently. They were good changes!! They are really so happy to be part of a family wih dee and celeste but it's still a big change and they just moved in a few days ago and the sensory overload has been building up for a while and this meltdown is slightly delayed

and when dee first finds them rocking aggressively in a closet and clicking their fingers and tapping their foot in multiples of 7 virgil isn't really in the present, their mind is a bit stuck to all the times they did this when they were hiding from bullies

and all they feel is terrified that dee is going to make fun of them and then the family will break up and it will be all virgils fault and they're so stupid

but of course dee just keeps his dsitance and speaks very softly and asks if virgil needs anything

virgil is a bit confused but they're so thirsty so they whisper 'maybe water please?'

and dee nyooms off to get the water

and while he's gone it gives virgil a chance to realise that someone saw them stim and didn't laugh and dee is helping and of course he won't bully them

it makes them emptional, they never even realised how much this was weighing on their mind until suddenly it's not and it's like their chest is suddenly full of air that they havent been able to inhale for years and when dee comes back with a water bottle virgil is crying and he freaks out

but then virgil chokes 'addy... please cuddle?'

and there is no way in hell dee does anything other than drop rather painfully to his knees, crawl into the closet and pull virgil right into their chest and hold them tight and he rocks them in the same rhythm as virgil was stimming

this is how annika and celeste found them napping in a closet together

and this is why whenever virgil needs to hide in a closet to feel safe, they will leave the door slightly open as an invitiation for addy to come and cuddle them

SHJDHDJHDSBJDNS OH MY G O D BEE

SGBSS okay okay but angst aside and the whole Virgil getting into small lil places actually makes A LOT of sense cause i IMMEDIATELY remembered that a while ago we talked about Virgil sometimes hiding under their bed, but we never gave it an actual reason, it was just a thing they did. But this actually allow us to make a lil connection to it omg Bee i love this so much

[flowerfishlikesbugs]

cringe and why it's kinda weird

just a disclaimer: this is just my opinion, and you are entitled to your own. also this post is VERY text heavy lol

I see a lot of popular content about people being cringy, and honestly, sometimes it really bugs me.

most of the content I am bothered by is about 3 different groups:

GROUP 1: kids who are having fun/doing silly things which are considered 'stupid' or 'weird' by comparison to 'adult' behaviors/activities

GROUP 2: anyone who doesn't fit into the 'normal' societal structure or doesn't adhere strictly to the mainstream beliefs, anyone who behaves differently or thinks differently/has a different ideology surrounding the way the world works than the 'average' person, anyone who is queer in some way (this doesn't have to be LGBT+ queer, this could be racially queer, etc.), specifically focusing on neurodivergent people or people with neurodivergent traits

GROUP 3: People who are bigoted or being unkind/terrible human beings, people who are prejudiced, 'Karens', and those people making 'stupid' mistakes/not thinking out decisions

for group 1, I'm just thinking that this is a little weird. like, kids should be able to have fun, as long as they're being respectful and safe.

kids will most likely do something stupid at some point! that's how they learn! you were a kid once, and you've done something stupid before. I do not understand why kids are not allowed to do silly things and have silly fun during their childhood. this kind of plays into the fact that kids these days are being forced to behave like 'adults' more quickly (mature quicker), but that's a discussion for another day.

either way, that's really weird. I know some of the people calling kids cringe have seen kids being disrespectful of others or being unsafe online and calling that cringe, which makes a little more sense. but a majority of the content is just kids being kids, and I don't see what's so wrong with that. if a kid wants to be silly, why can't they? again; as long as it isnt harming anyone, why does it matter to you?

same goes for the second group of people. this is another time where if this person isn't harming anyone, why does it even matter? They are happy, how does that affect you? especially since this applies to nd people, and other marginalized groups, why does happiness seem to bother a certain group of people so much? I think that if you have an issue with people being happy and not harming anyone, the problem isn't them, it's you.

if a nd person is stimming, expressing themself in a non-traditional way, or hyper fixating on an interest, how is this different than a neurotypical enjoying food, enjoying a game, or an activity of their choice? If you think about it, you'll realize there's no difference. In both scenarios the people are not hurting anyone, and are enjoying themselves. just because you haven't seen stimming before, or think the interest of the person is silly, just move on. it's not your life.

if you like hockey and I don't like hockey I wouldn't call you cringe for liking hockey, it's your life, and I'd move on. that's all there is to it.

This gets even messier when it's about race. People will see a Black person/other poc (person of colour) enjoying something, whether that be culturally significant to them or not, and call it cringe, or see someone who isn't a Christian celebrating their religious beliefs/involving their religion in their everyday lives and call that cringe.

People especially go hard on people who are celebrating aspects of their culture, embracing cultural customs, or treating these elements of their life as normal. I see this ALL the time, a lot of times surrounding cultural clothing/dress and foods.

Why people feel the need to comment on a culture they are not a part of I will never understand. Maybe you don't get why a group does certain things a certain way, but if you took a second to ask, most people would be happy to explain their customs to you.

the people who make comments based on something they've barely even seen are the always people who are wrong. you can NEVER pass judgement on something you are not educated on, do not fully understand, or are not an expert in. it's just a little silly to think that way.

As for poc and minorities enjoying themselves in a non-cultural way, that's just racism/xenophobia/whatever you want to call it. if you feel the need to call what someone needs to do to feel happy 'cringe', even when you probably do the same thing/a similar thing, that is bias against the person or group who is enjoying themselves. you want to limit poc/minorities to the stereotypes that you have come up with or society has made you abide to. these kind of people have an underlying fear of anything that is not exactly what they expect it to be; when someone doesnt fit the perfect stereotype their community receives, they kinda go wack.

Group 3 is the most complex; while I get that people who are prejudiced, annoying, or bad people suck to interact with, and calling them 'cringe' is an easy way to deal with them, there's other things you should do too. I understand how frustrating people can be, and how joking about them is a way to cope with that. but at the end of the day, you should never forget to mention why they are bad people.

if this is someone you know, or know may see/hear/interact with your comments in some way, you should also inform them of how they are being annoying/bad/bigoted/etc., and how they can improve themselves. sometimes people see a joke and take it to heart, and just continue being mean. sometimes people need a reminder of what people are finding bothersome. sometimes a gentle reminder or even a not-so-gentle reminder can be the thing that makes someone go 'oh, you know what, what I've been doing is a little silly'. sometimes people aren't aware of their actions, and need to be told.

you should also inform anyone who may see/hear/interact with your comments in some way why you feel that way; they might not understand what's happening or why this person is bad in the first place. even so, just not calling them cringe in the first place would make this a whole lot easier and save a whole lot of explanation to uninformed people, and stop potential misinformation.

another thing to keep in mind is another group: group 4. this is basically group 3, but changed: this is people who are using cringe ironically. this usually isn't hurtful as long as it's clear that it's a joke/sarcasm, and it's not being used to target a certain group. be careful how you use it and make sure people who will interact with this content/hear/see this know what you mean and don't get the wrong idea. this goes hand in hand with people calling themselves cringe/what they do cringe; as long as you're not beating yourself up, it should be okay. just make sure you're being clear with what you mean.

anywho, that's just my take!! let me know what you think <3

[fefipranon]

Hi anon!

Everything I am going to say is from me to you. Do not judge newbies or the entire fandom by whatever shit I end up writing here. So, here I go:

I'm the original anon you're so mad at.

Not mad.

The reason why I haven't reached out

Then what is this? A butt dial?

to express my feelings is because i don't want to interact.

The fact that you are writing this in response to our response of your original ask... do you know what's that process called?

An interaction.

Like you said:

It's as simple as that.

See, we are having progress, we are agreeing on something here.

The only issue I'll share now is the fact that you're all saying you're entitled to your opinions. Why, then, am I not entitled to mine?

I thought that the end conclusion of the whole ordeal was to agree to disagree, which means that everyone accepts that there are differences of opinions but nothing that affect us all coexisting together.

At least that's what I thought and what I meant in the end. If anything that I said made you think that I was saying that you were not entitled to your opinion then I apologize. It wasn't my intention.

Sometimes when I write in english, while thinking in spanish, turns out to sound harsh. That is one of the main reasons I started writing. To get better at with my English, but it turns out I'm losing my Spanish so now instead of having an amazing vocabulary in one language, I have mediocre vocabularies in two.

**cries in spanish**

It's as frustrating to me at it has to you.

Eh... debatable.

In MY case, I started watching anime around only three years ago more or so. I discovered fanfiction around a year ago (I don't even think it's been a whole year yet).

As you said before my dear veteran, you have experience in this. I don't. Try to get in my place for a moment. You are discovering an amazing world for the first time. You make a Tumblr account without knowing how the hell to use Tumblr in the first place but you are pumped because you discovered something new.

What do you do when you are new in something? Well, watch and learn from whatever it is that other people do here. You make fun of the hate, because you find it so stupid that it's even funny. You use the tags because you want other people of the fandom to laugh at your silly comment or just because it make sense to you to use the tag because that is exactly what the post is about. Seems logical right?

You bond with people, make friends, defend them when you think that they're been treated unfairly. You are pumped. And then... You read a post about someone that apparently have a bunch of experience in what you are new at, basically saying that most of the stuff you did was toxic.

(Free Britney)

And adding to that saying that you, a newbie, is damaging the fandom. And here you are, after everything you did to be a part of something being cast out for not knowing the 'rules' of this 'game' being judged as if you did it intentionally with an evil plan to separate the fandom.

When in reality you are still trying to figure out the fandom lingo of what the fuck does lemon, smut, fluff, angst, etc. means.

If the fandom really wants to be as 'non-toxic' as they claim they want to be, then, they should be more welcoming. If instead of going anon in public pointing fingers like:

"The newbies are the guilty ones!"😈😈

Looking for someone to blame about whatever random shit is happening at the moment in the fandom, you would've reached out separately to whoever was being out of line, and educate them about how things work here, then, we would reach that non-toxic goal easier.

I don't know why you hide using anon, but I don't judge you. I don't know what struggles you could be dealing with. Maybe social anxiety, or who knows, and I honestly don't care. If being anon is a safe place for you to be able to express yourself, as long as you don't go berserk insulting people, I don't have a problem with it.

Feel free to reach out to me, anon or not, if you see that I posted something out of line. (Be specific about what was it because I post a lot of shit) I will see it, if I have time, I will answer, if not at least for sure I will read it. Lets lift each other up. We all have more things in common that are bigger than petty differences. If I sounded mad in any of my replies, please know, I wasn't. My english suck and the first words I learned from this language where the colorful ones. So I will curse a lot, but it doesn't mean that I'm angry, (I'm probably laughing like an idiot thinking that the stupid thing I wrote was funny).

I left the best part for the end.

Also, another issue is that your stuff is being spread through reblogs, so I see it even if I don't follow you, and blocking doesn't do anything for rbs.

WE AGREE ON SOMETHING!!!!!

That was one of the issues I talked about, when I was talking about blocking.

That's it, I love all the RM fandom, differences and all. Even you my dear anon.

I'm the original anon you're so mad at. The reason why I haven't reached out to express my feelings is because i don't want to interact. It's as simple as that. The only issue I'll share now is the fact that you're all saying you're entitled to your opinions. Why, then, am I not entitled to mine? It's as frustrating to me at it has to you. Also, another issue is that your stuff is being spread through reblogs, so I see it even if I don't follow you, and blocking doesn't do anything for rbs.

For fucks sake why is it always 5 in the morning when I have to use my head the most. Anyways I said I wanted nothing more to do with this drama because frankly we all seem to want the best for rivamika.

But for starters you're not only saying we are toxic ( and that we are not even aware of it), you basically said we are ruining the fandom, you've not made your issues clear ( like what is it so wrong that we've doing that's really bringing the rm fandoms rep down??) But you also implied we aren't helping the community and other anons ( maybe yourself ) have gone to my friends inboxes as anons and accused them of these things and more. Why should I respect these kind of opinions when I clearly don't see how any of whatever me or my friends have done is worth being called "toxic" and everything else you guys said?

Yeah your entitled to your opinion which is why you shared yours and I did I say you couldn't? And if that opinion is of me or the people closest to me in the fandom, I have every right to speak on it.

If you don't want to reach out to me, that's hardly my problem because I'm willing to sit down and talk and even stop doing shit if it means y'all will stop this division between inside the fandom. I don't fucking understand why my friends have to apologise for simply doing what's the norm? And I'm sorry (??) We didn't read the shippers guide basic etiquette thing because for me, I've never been into a shipping fandom as I've been with rivamika. I don't understand why my friends should feel like leaving the fandom they love so much because some anonymous ask won't specify the things we've done to receive such words. Surprise surprise I'm also sick of seeing these shady ass anon asks and comments CLEARLY made about some specific people and the weird energy that is created by them.

And as for seeing my posts or reblogs, what do you want me to do? First you don't want me to express my thoughts and feelings on certain things even if it does stay within my own blog now do you want me to tell people to stop reblogging my posts? It's funny how last time this shit happened last month I said sorry if you had to see my content through my reblog but I'm not sorry anymore. If you can't ignore what you dont like and yet you want me to do the same thing with the antis asks and comments,,um,, don't you see your own hypocrisy?

Don't you see that your no better, you're just as toxic as I and everyone else and that is not an opinion, that is the uncomfortable truth.

The only difference between you and I is the fact that I've never expressed an opinion on you before now that could've effected you in a bad way. I've never said you people are whats bringing the downfall of your own beloved fandom. You do realise that most of us here are just to share and consume content and the fact that we get called these things you guys say fucking hurts?

I can't speak for everyone but I've never felt at home in any other community before rivamika and everyone here are the nicest people online nowadays and the last thing I wanna do is leave this community. But if YOU could be more honest you would want us to leave. I'm sorry if I sound hostile in this post, I'm tired both physically and tired of seeing this bs get dug up from the dirt over and over again.

If blocking doesn't do anything for reblogs doesn't it mean the people who reblog my stuff also agree with me which means that if you shouldn't be engaging with them in the first place if you know that they share the views as me 🤔

[tommy-trusty]

HI HI THANK YOU LOTS THESE R VERY GOOD,,, ANSWERS ALL UNDER THE CUT CUS MEMORIES GO BRRRRR

>> Did you ever go flying with Philza? Did he carry you, or did you have wings as well?

I did! Most of my memories of flying were being carried, since as a baby/kid he had to take me with him everywhere and I wasn't able to fly yet- well I might have been able to fly a little, but he wanted to make sure I was safe since we were gliding over very large and potentially dangerous stretches! Don't want your kid to fall into the ocean or void or lava or just in general fall from as high up as we had to fly to get to places quickly.

I had wings though, so when I got older I did do some flying with him! Generally I enjoyed the ground and the ocean though, although flying was definitely fun in the same way any other exercise based travel is! Occasionally fun to fly through little courses and rock formations with him too!

>> Did you ever do anything dangerous to annoy Philza? Ever go on Nether or End trips without telling him? Ever meet the deity's?

OH HEHEHE HE HATED ME FLYING IN THE NETHER WHEN I WAS SMALL…. when I got a bit older it was more chat that got worried because "WHY ARE YOU LETTING THE CHILD FLY IN THE NETHER" "PHIIIIIL [NAME]S FLYING GO GET [THEM]"  "PHIL THEYRE GONNA DIE" but phil just laughed cus like. I was like 10 and he didn't care XD chat picks up on Phil, they had to report me being awful and dangerous when I was younger and it took them YEARS to shake that habit. If anything they never did, as I got older I wasn't with Phil all the time anymore but I know they reported me to him anytime I did something stupid LMAO. I'd guess he just did the same thing as when chat came over telling him wil was eating sand or trapping frogs in a battle arena in the swamp, just like "yes that's very nice chat yes" because they needed acknowledgement XD

I definitely went on end trips without telling Phil when I was old enough to not have to be constantly with him, but this wasn't to annoy him or anything. The end was conquered by then, if I went there it was to grind levels, enchant things, or just hang out there because that place was rad! The nether was a bit stuffy so I spent less time there (whole magical realm at my finger tips and I just go "nah, it's kinda hot innit.")

>> Did you ever fight the ender dragon? What was it like? Did any mobs really scare you?

Pffff NO I did not, me and wil don't fight Phil's battles we just fuck around because Phil is a good dad who will fight THE ENTIRE EARTH for us (and by for us I mean for himself because he wants to build there, we are fully capable of not going to the end this wasn't a protective maneuver lol.) I wasn't that scared of mobs cus I just grew up watching Phil casually slay everything, like it's hard to have instilled fear of monsters when your developing years were spent strapped to a hardcore player! Philza avoided death like the plague so I learned to too, but not out of fear, just out of habit. I suppose I found blazes a bit freaky though.

>> Did you ever help Philza with his builds? Ever make your own?

Both! Honestly dad's builds were very big and ambitious so he had a LOT of room for help with just menial building shit. Wil didn't really help for shit because mom didn't let him (they're gods, that's "cheating." I thought it was a bit silly that wil wasn't allowed to have fun with us in that way, but wil didn't like building and dad really really did so it wasn't really a big point of concern for anyone other than kid me who just wanted to build with my big brother lol.) Phil was director of most things up until I was an adult, but he asked me, chat, and less often wil for opinions on build ideas which we were all very helpful with! In my timeline everything moved much slower than this world's hardcore, most builds took YEARS, so trust that a few helping hands were not a necessity for Phil, he was a patient man, but help was still appreciated.

As far as my personal builds, it's a bit more difficult to remember since I don't have a frame of reference but I did have a very nice house! Not too far from dads house, bit behind a ways, need to be able to walk out and say hi to pog! It was a pretty comfy house, just made of wood, had a lil workshop inside, just for general crafting. I remember chat used to sit on the windowsills and roof, dad'd say they're just watching their baby, annoying old man (affectionate.) I also built pathways quite a lot, and some minor world projects, I believe something in a rainforest, and I swear I remembered something else just a minute ago but now it's eluding me and I'm going to kill I HATE when that happens /lh

>> Did you get into sibling fights with Wilbur sometimes? Do your best to annoy him? What was your favorite thing to do with Wilbur?

Ah wilbur, we loved to make up things to fight about, it was a fun hobby, wilbur loved to argue and debate over the most inane topics, often he'd just come to Phil with the most pointless but still awful takes out of no where, and I learned from him that that's one way to start/have a conversation, so I did it too him too, I just had to turn around the tables to make him the philish voice of reason.

Dad left his iron footprint in the earth, the world bent around him, every spot he walked was left behind in his shape. Chat and I similarly left our major footprints in this world, because this was our world, damn it! But wil wasn't much more than a whisper over the earth, he might as well have never been there. Which is to say we… didn't have much to argue about seriously. Everything important to me was this place, and wil couldn't hurt that. Everything important to wil was… well it was beyond me, I wasn't a… demigod, or glitch, or whatever wil was, so I couldn't hurt his world either. The one thing I could've done to frustrate him was die, because if there was one thing important to wil that me and Phil could actually affect, it was ourselves, but frankly I didn't have any plans of dying so flying around the nether in the absolute most batshit risky way possible was my #1 only way to drive him insane as a teenager.

My fav thing to do with wilbur was talking! Arguing, sharing stories, making jokes, brainstorming- anything and everything, whenever he came by we always found something to talk about.

>> Was there any special places where you loved going? Anywhere that was important to specifically you?

Important to specifically me would be our home, and my home. All the beautiful places and statues were all wonderful, but they were projects, attractions, home was a lived place. Home was our ocean, our beach, our cat, our field, our house, my favorite place in the world. The best memories I have of most places are of building them with Phil or being there while he built it, but home wasn't a place to finish, it wasn't a project to work on, it was just a place to live! We were seagulls and I loved to go up and fly just to fly while at our beach. Flying was always for travel, to just be at home enjoying the natural ocean air with no where to be and nothing to do was something more full of light than anything we could have built in a hundred years, I loved it so much.

Timeline questions for tommy📒 !!

! Timeline : Hardcore Philza Kid !

>> Did you ever go flying with Philza? Did he carry you, or did you have wings as well?

>> Did you ever do anything dangerous to annoy Philza? Ever go on Nether or End trips without telling him? Ever meet the deity's?

>> Did you ever fight the ender dragon? What was it like? Did any mobs really scare you?

>> Did you ever help Philza with his builds? Ever make your own?

>> Did you get into sibling fights with Wilbur sometimes? Do your best to annoy him? What was your favorite thing to do with Wilbur?

>> Was their any special places where you loved going? Anywhere that was important to specifically you?