#i want my tumblr experience to be fun and good vibes so i dont stress about squicks or dislikes

[afterthelambs]

Do you have any squicks? Or preferences?

Hi anon! I assume you're talking about ships. I'm actually super multiship and easy to convert. Like I could not care at all about a ship but then I read a fanfic where they're a side pairing and all of a sudden I'm a truther lol.

I do have some squicks (everyone does, it's normal) but I think I'm super chill about shipping for the most part? If I ship something then yay but if I don't then I'll just ignore. I personally don't like being publicly negative about most things (I prefer only talking about the things I do like), so I'd prefer to not specify my squicks. Sorry 💔

When it comes to ship dynamics I'm typically reversible. I can enjoy any content of my OTPs, so whether the artist/writer has a strict or switch dynamic I'll take it. There might be some ships where I lean more towards a certain dynamic though. I noticed with sskk that my favorite fics (the nsfw ones) tend to be switch with a lean towards bottom akutagawa? I don't intentionally seek it out though, maybe it's just a coincidence

Thanks for the question! Sorry if I interpreted it wrong

[yangkitties]

user yangkitties 2023 tumblr review!

inspired by the lovely @jnnul, i want to take a couple moments to review and appreciate what i've been able to experience this year!

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ general stats ! ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

total words written (only from released fics) : 8.2k (avg. somewhere between 0.4k-0.6k per fic)

total fics released: 11 fics

total groups/people written for: 2 groups (8 people)

total wips left - 4 wips (3 are in planning phase and 1 is like loosely written)

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ top fics (by notes) ! ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

stray kids as… your college boyfriends <3 (1.9k notes)

sick days (463 notes)

studio surprises (436 notes)

[11:36 pm] (392 notes)

sleepy hearts (256 notes)

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ fics i LOVED writing and why :] ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

pluck at heartstrings: i enjoyed writing this fic to the MAX because i was drawing from real life experienced 🤭 it also just flowed so easily for me? the second i started typing everything started to fall in place and i loved it !!

late night epiphanies: i liked writing this fic bc it was practically the dead of the night before my physics exam and i needed some stress relief so i just ZOOMED like my fingers were flying 😭 i also really like it bc i dont think i've written a fic with this vibe before and it had a nice feel yk?

21 kisses: 100% bc of the idea. i am sorry to be biased but this might be one of my favourite fics i've written, purely because i (once again) speed wrote it and still loved the way it turned out

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ fics i read that you should read too ! ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

love story? (hyung line) by @hanlimz: this fic is lowk my roman empire it is so goddamn good and makes me go through 1 million emotions all at once 😩 and it's also just so damn well written like god i could go on about this fic FOREVER !!

the 24 hour dating challenge by @jaeyunverse: altered my brain chemistry in a way i cannot explain dude... i love the flow and characterisation in this fic SO DAMN MUCH!

nap of a star by @soov: my love for this fic is truly endless... i've read this fic like 6 times and each time it gets better. its soft and lovely and just so so comforting. i love the metaphor (?) behind the story and it's just simple way too good. 12/10 i think about this fic way more than i should-

the subtle art of swinging by deactivated: idk what happened to this op but god i LOOOVEEE a good spider-man au and this is it. the spiderhoon fic to end all spiderhoon fics

cupid's conflict by @amakumos: THE fic!!! the ultimate smau!!! its fun, its lighthearted, AND its well written. its just something i cherish a lot

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ my goals for 2024 ! ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

i'm hoping to publish an smau or a fully written multiple chapter fic!

work on writing longer fics, fics more than 1k

experimenting with dialogue writing! i've always been scared to write dialogues and have written works close to 600 words with 0 dialogue, so i REALLY want to work on dialogue writing T-T

interact more. I feel like I'm confined to this small circle of mutuals (who i love very much btw) but i want to get to know more people, esp on skzblr !!

publish works for other groups outside of enha and skz :)

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ moot appreciation ! ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

thank you to ALL my moots for making this a wonderful and memorable 2023!!! i cannot WAITTT to spend 2024 getting to know each one of you a little bit more &lt;3

@hanlimz @hoonvrs @miirohs @prod-ddeonu @jnnul @dinotoro @jungwonderz @in2fly @euncsace @jebi-won @luvbinnies

— love, nini 🫶

[theunconcernedembalmer]

Toko! I was thinking of creating an ask the character blog for IDV or Genshin Impact and wanted a few tips on how to start off. Anything you can share?

ey yo my dude!! thank you so much for this question, now im lowkey tempted (again) to make a genshin ask blog sjadhlkshgkahshglsaj anyway my 1.5 cents is under the cut, yall know how much i talk here HAHAHAHAH

uhhhhhh so i guess we start with picking a character u really Vibe with tm? I KNOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE COMMON SENSE BUT LIKE ive been considering making a genshin ask blog for a while now but i never really got to it cos i couldnt really decide on a character (plus the fact that their outfits are. so intricate. is also a hmm since i try to follow details to a t) (at first i wanted to do zhongli, but i feel like to be able to muse him well u need to know the lore super super well, which i dont n im too lazy to research on that aha. n u know how much i respect characterizations, especially for such a complex character like him. i also considered xiangling for a period of time mostly for guoba but also like i have 2+1 blogs here n having one more might not be a very good idea aha) (as for aesop he was my Hyperfixation Character tm also cos i looked at his kit n went Yep i could work with this. probably)

so assuming ur not a dumbass like me n u kinda know who u wanna pick, id actually say to snoop around here for other ask blogs n kinda get a feel of the... scene? is that the word? or like u know, other blogs that u can potentially vibe with. ive run a couple of ask blogs before this current one (both that have died for different reasons) n from my experience interacting with other blogs (if theyre okay with it, i think most should be) is pretty fun. it also kinda helps get ur blog around to other ppl on other blogs so they can go Oh whats this cool shit n check u out, n its also a reason why we kinda reblog promo posts for other blogs (also cos we’re always excited when someone new comes on, its really the more the merrier. we see all :eyes:). interacting with other blogs is also an option when ur inbox is looking real roomy too

another reason why i havent exactly done a genshin blog is that idk i cant actually seem to find genshin ask blogs around (i have seen rp blogs, or those that answer asks with mostly text instead of art, but thats. not my thing since i hate my own writing aha) (i did find one aether blog some time ago, but for some reason i hardly see them around anymore??? idk man i might be wrong). its not like im trying super hard to find them ask blogs, so im sure they exist out there (hopefully?? im not sure but im being optimistic). i mean theres nothing wrong with just starting an ask blog without others around, but for me i do find a difference when i interact with other ask blogs n when i dont, n i prefer when theres others to have fun with (unfortunately i couldnt find any ask blogs to interact with in my previous fandom. i tried, but the blogs i approached seemed to go inactive shortly afterwards...) plus u get to meet friends that way too :D (i made a lot of friends via idv askblogs n its really been a joy vibing with others)

as for the idv scene. gestures around me. unfortunately there are a lot of ask blogs that arent that active anymore, but theres still some of us who are alive n kicking empty inboxes, n im sure everyone would love to see a new face around. winks at u. also there seems to be a lot more blogs popping up lately, which is really heartening to see.

then u kinda just. make ur blog? n a starting introduction post so ppl can reblog it n spread the word XD n yay u have a blog i guess??? XD

i gotta say tho. dont expect ur blog to take off immediately (especially for smaller fandoms like idv, tvbh i didnt think my blog would even get half this far when i started cos of how non existent idv tumblr seemed to be) n ur inbox will probably be looking pretty empty a lot of the time (or at least filled with some that u havent quite thought of how to reply to yet aha) (but also like empty inboxes happen pretty often, im sure most of us here have experienced this problem)

in the case of the first ask blog i ever started, it never really took off at all. ngl it was kind of demoralizing n depressing but to be fair i had picked one of the more obscure characters in the series, so obscure that many ppl in the fandom would have never heard of this character before. if u wanted to know, i took a character that only appeared in the 2nd musical of the series, who also made a very brief cameo in the manga to acknowledge his existence within that universe. thats how obscure my character was, but i went with him purely because he was my favourite character. i will say though i did enjoy it while it lasted n i learnt a lot from the experience, n i think thats whats important really.

i guess this kinda leads on (not really but let me digress) to the whole uhhhh thing where if u choose a more popular character, u get more attention. which is fine i guess? if u really vibe with the character, i mean theyre popular for a reason. n choosing a more popular fandom (like genshin) would objectively also get u more viewers n numbers. but like honestly i believe that ask blogs are meant for u to have fun with, n like trying to get popular gets tiring pretty fast (this shouldnt be like a main goal, but u know sometimes u subconsciously also want that gucci follower count n bomb ass notes or something. i used to be guilty of this until i realized it isnt worth it) especially if ur not enjoying yourself in the process. (case in point: my previous fandom was considerably larger n my blog got about 700 followers within a year or so, but it got very tiring n stressful to maintain after my interest in it died, n no one was really interacting with the blog even though i tried which kinda made it even more depressing despite the so called success n popularity of the blog)

anyway on a less serious note, theres a lot of fun stuff u can do with the ask blog, like some ask blogs have really fancy tags that i really like n try to do but also like not really HAHAHAHA. i kinda just channel what i want to see in an ask blog into my own ask blogs (good art is one, i try very hard for it to be good :,DD another is characterization, n others is just extra miscellaneous arts n stuffs like au ideas or memes. these are also somethings u could work on during ask box downtimes perhaps)

uhhh another side thing is like a posting schedule i guess? like ppl would be more likely to interact (i think) if ur blog is relatively active, n this is usually determined by the last post u made (i think XD). but like generally for blog maintenence id say try to kinda find a frequency that ur comfortable with?? cos i know my once a day posting is kinda insane if i wasnt so hyperfixated on all of this n fight the urge to dump all ur replies when u finish them XD (though ive seen some blogs do that n they do it pretty frequently so its pretty nice to know once u see their post u can spend some time going through the latest batch of posts XD) the queue function is pretty useful here even though i truthfully have never really used it, i kinda just post from my drafts really but it also helps to space out ur content to seem somewhat active especially when u dont have the time to be working on replies sometimes. i hope u know what im trying to say here aha

ANYWAY that was like my 1.5 cents cos i dont even think its worth 2 cents HAHAHAHAH these are just my thoughts from running all my blogs up till now, some that are still running n the others that have just died a natural death. i wouldnt actually delete them (theyre still around actually XD) cos theyre kinda like archives n i can look back at what i did last time. cos ngl i made some high quality stuff back then, n i dont even know how i managed to do that aldhflhdsgk. also ppl do look at archive blogs every now n then for the content thats there yknow

BUT YES anyway if u do decide to join the idv ask blogs hmu, ill be sure to give u a lil shoutout here. winks

[thestarssystem]

hello! same anon who asked the last question about being able to send an ask! i've been having questions about whether or not i could be an osdd system (1b to be specific) but i can't find answers to sone questions so i was hoping you could help me out? it's really long, sorry:(

1. the thing i have the most issues with is alters fronting. i don't exactly know how it feels to have another alter fronting and taking control of the body. there's only been a few times where i've genuinely felt like i wasn't in control of my body & felt trapped in it but other than that, whenever all my other alters(?) fronted i would still generally be able to control the body. i don't know how to explain it. for example, an alter who i think is a protector was fronting last night but besides the name and some traits, everything was pretty much still the same, like as if i was the protector? and i'm not the most knowledgeable on how osdd works, but should i be feeling atleast somewhat out of my control ?? it's happened pretty much every time an alter(?) has fronted(?) and i ended up in a really bad mood after trying to validate the possibility i might have osdd because i didn't know if this was real or if i was just being delusional. and this is kinda a silly question but when another alter fronts, thinking is still the same, right? like they can still talk in their head like a singlet would and such

2. 'voices' in your head - a lot of systems i've come across generally have the voices. i don't, atleast i don't think i do. again, i don't know how it would be if i experienced it. is it like how someone would talk to you irl? or is it more vague? or is it like, more of a feeling that you can't really 'hear' but yk it's saying that?

3. i can't exactly communicate with my alters, if i have any. i don't know how to and even then it feels really odd trying to talk to myself and again, i start to feel dumb/delusional again because osdd may not even be the case.

4. similar to the last thing, is it normal to 'talk' to your system? like last night for example, it's a blurry memory now but i remember 'we're going to bed now' 'we're gonna do this and then sleep' and such, despite the fact i know we can't really communicate. i think another alter was fronting then

4. i have trouble recognizing my alters as seperate identities and people, and rather tend to think they're pieces of me. so like, if another alter were to do something, and later i fronted, and if i would talk about what the other alter did i would still use "i did" rather than "(other alter) did". i'd just like some advice on this part

5. i have no idea whether or not systems i've met have 'different talents' but i've seen it going around a lot. to be more specific, my 'talents' or other stuff has never really changed. i usually still have social anxiety, my triggers are usually still the same, i've never suddenly gotten good at anything, and so on. is it a normal/common thing for systems for that not to happen?

6. memory. i have really bad memory, which actually led me to did/osdd (+ 8/9 year old me going "why do i feel like two people" and googling it years ago), and i always have trouble recalling what happened. after i do anything and i try to think back to it - it's just foggy. i can sometimes remember a bit of what happened, but generally i'll have to think for a bit and the visual memory of it will just be really really blurry. this happens pretty much every day but i have no idea if it does the same with important events because nothing important has really happened. and another thing - when you switch, do you still remember friends/online friends/family? i've had times where they've seemed odd(?) and somewhat unrecognizable but i've always known it's them, same with trauma and other stuff. i've always kinda known about it.

7. i've tested some things multiple times. for example, a few days or weeks ago, i was doing and typing stuff on discord in a server just for me, for fun. when i went away and checked back later, i know that it was me who did it, just not,, me, yk? like it happened with my own fingers and hands, i didn't have exact visual memories that i did it, but i had memory of doing it, so like, i knew, despite the fact another alter could've been the one doing it. same thing happened last night - now that i look back at the account i, or my alter, created, i can tell it wasn't exactly 'me', but i still had memory doing it. and it's never been like "what is this? i have zero memory of doing this" or something like that

8. i don't really have roles for my alters. well, some do. for example i think a protector (and maybe caretaker as well) was fronting last night. i just have trouble with the roles? if that makes sense. unless it comes naturally, like the protector for example, it's just kinda really hard for me to make stuff out. i also have dpdr & i dissociate and i believe that influences on how i view my identity and how i can't really make out stuff, even stuff like emotions, my opinion on something, who's fronting, etc.

9. as far as i know, systems have an 'inner world', right? i know some systems that don't, but i'm not sure if i have it and i dont know how to find out if i do

to add on, i'm kinda worried i might just be thinking i have osdd because i've been exposed(?) to it and that i might just be delusional and that i'm just making people up

lastly, would it be a good idea to try to reach out to alters? and if i should, how would i do so? thank you :D !! again, i'm really really sorry this was so long! don't stress yourself out on this please:]

- fox

DISCLAIMER: We are not trained mental health professionals! All of the information we give is coming from our own experience as a system, or from research we have done! We always recommend that, if at all possible, you speak to a therapist about OSDD/DID!

hello! thanks for you questions! i’ll do my best to answer everything haha. I’m going to section everything off in the same way you did, but there may be some overlap between questions!

1.)I’m gonna start my answer to this by saying that switching feels and looks different for every system. There is no one way to switch. What happens for us when we fully switch is the obvious dissociative feeling, and then it feels like we’re “falling” almost and then after that falling feeling, we’ve switched. With your experience you’re describing, though, it seems more like co-conscious or co-fronting. Co-conscious is typically a feeling like you’re still in full control of the body, but another alter is in the ‘passenger seat of the car’ and is giving their thoughts on what’s happening on the outside. Co-fronting is more of a feeling where you feeling like you’re half in control of your body, and another alter has half control of your body. This can be a moment (that i’ve vaguely described on my tumblr actually) of feeling like “this isn’t my hand. I’m not controlling that arm.” However, that feeling can also happen with depersonalization. To help you tell the difference, i think it could be helpful to journal when/if you get those feelings and if you “feel” different, like you could actually be another alter. —/ part b.) for my system at least, thinking is still the same, regardless of who’s fronting. I’m not sure if that’s the same for other systems, but i’ve never heard or seen anyone talking about thinking being any different, but i have heard systems discussing something i’ll address in #2

2.) so, in my experience, my system does not audibly hear each other’s voices. Some systems do, and some systems have a different form of communication. Since i can’t talk about audible voices, i’ll only talk about ‘intrusive thought’ communication, which is what we experience. For my system, we get an intrusive thought of sorts. It’s just a thought, but we can tell who it’s coming from (honestly not really sure how, it’s just a feeling. I can always tell who is telling me something) That thought is different from normal thinking though, because it doesn’t feel like it’s coming from us and it has a different... vibe?? idk i honestly can’t really think of how to explain it lmaoo. To continue my answer from part 1, alters can use something called “passive influence” which is where they ‘control’ your thoughts to get what they want. An easy example is if someone asks what you (the fronting alter) want to drink and you want to answer water, but another alter wants sprite, they can use passive influence to say that YOU want sprite, when really you don’t. That’s the only way I can really think of the act of thinking being different though haha.

3.) my system doesn’t really have the best internal communication, but that’s the case for a lot of systems, especially new ones. It takes time and determination. One of the ways i’ve seen suggested to help with internal communication is before you go to sleep, when you’re in the calm and peaceful state, just ask into your head if anyone is there and wants to talk to you. Let them knower they’re safe and that you want to talk. Keep the convo friendly and ask them about themselves (i.e their name, age, role {if they have one}, favorite color, etc)

4.) to be completely honest, it’ll just take practice to change your habit of using “i did.” I don’t know how old you are, but you went your entire life up until this point believing you were a singlet. Using “i did” is still natural for you to use as a default. Try to catch yourself as (or after) you say “i did” and try to correct yourself and overtime that habit will hopefully be broken. The same goes for not really recognizing your alters. You went your whole life thinking everything was just ‘you’ (the host) so now, when discussing OSDD, it might be hard to really pinpoint who is who. That’ll just take time though. But don’t force your alters to fit a specific mold you made for them. Everything with figure itself out eventually

5.) what you described (with different talents and different mental health issues) doesn’t happen to my system and i believe it doesn’t happen to a good portion of systems, especially OSDD systems. The only thing that really changes for my system from alter to alter is preferences, such as food, instruments (my system knows how to play 8 instruments and each alter prefers one over the other lmao), and hobbies (like reading, painting, and writing) HOWEVER, we all still can paint and play all 8 of our instruments with the same skill. Our skill level doesn’t change between alter, just our desire to do that activity (if that makes any sense lmao)

6.) problems with memory and forgetting things is not a sign of OSDD-1b. Dissociative amnesia is only a sign of OSDD-1a and DID. I think it might be helpful to keep track of your switches and see if your memory “fog” overlaps with it. If yes, then you should probably consider check out OSDD-1a or DID. If it doesn’t, my honest suggestion is to consider talking to a doctor/therapist about memory problems and short term memory loss. (also to answer your question asking if we remember online friends: yes, we always remember other people, regardless of who’s fronting)

7.) this relates back to the memory question. OSDD-1b is not characterized by forgetfulness or memory problems. With OSDD-1b, you will never have that moment of “I don’t remember doing this” unless there is a VERY specific reason (i.e. a traumatic event that needs to be hidden) It is normal, on the other hand, to know that another alter did something, rather than you, and still have memory of it.

8.) i think roles are difficult for a lot of systems. I know my system had (and still has) a little bit of trouble with roles. My biggest advice is actually something i’m following rn and that’s to not force roles. Let alters naturally choose their roles. It may take a really long time though, but that’s okay. It might help to do some research as well. Google all the different alter types and see if you can pinpoint some that fit your system (like i said though, don’t forget those roles! let them have the ultimate decision)

9.) My system doesn’t have an inner world. We have something called Aphantasia which makes it impossible to see images in our head. There are systems who don’t have an inner world, however i don’t know if there is a specific reason or not. Ive heard that meditating can help you access the inner world, as well as, once again, trying to access it before you fall asleep. However, because I can’t have an inner world, i haven’t done much research on the topic and I suggest that you try and find a method that works for you :)

closing points: When considering any type of mental health problem/ mental disorder, make sure you’re not bending the diagnostic criteria to fit you. With OSDD, there are slight differences between every system, but nothing major that would require serious bending of the criteria. At the very end, you asked if you should try and reach out to your alters. You DEFINITELY should. They’re scared and confused, just like you. I think my answer for 3.) gives a good, easy starting point for alter communication c:

I hope these answers helped, at least a little. Good luck and stay safe xx

-the stars system (written by multiple alters all at different times)

~sorry if there’s any typos~

[kkimingyu]

11 question yo!

In which you answer previous person’s questions and then make up questions for the next people you tag

ok i love doing these like youll probably be like i just posted this how is it that someones already done it but i love it sooo!! thank you cat!!! @softlysweetlystan for tagging me!!

1. Which song(s) full captivate your aesthetic or personality?

uhh i dont really know tbh probably somewhere between the beach boys wouldnt it be nice and freeez iou 

2. Give me a playlist of your favourite songs

whenever people ask me what my favourite songs are i always have a mind blank so probably after i post this ill be like damn i forgot that one really good song! but for now... the marias i dont know you, wonder girls i feel you, ok but the cardcaptor sakura ending i think its called groovy? its so good, literally any song by chic theyre all good, beach boys i get around, day6 how can i say and uhhh this remix of lip and hip by hyuna, the original is gold too

3. If you were given a chance to spend a day with an idol or celebrity, who would you choose and where would you go?

id probably pick jae from day6 because??? hes so funny like i feel hed be a lot of fun to hang out with and idk where id go maybe just walk around oh!! but omg can you imagine doing one of them escape the room things with day6 thatd be so much fun haha

4. Describe yourself in only three words

boring, sleeps sometimes

5. How do you relax?

tbh i never really get stressed like so i feel like anything i do is sort of me relaxing but i really like just lying in my bed listening to music on my phone with my lamp on at night its just uuugh such good vibes 

6. How did you get into kpop?

well it all started when i heard oh! by snsd and i was like wow these girls are so pretty and i love that dance!!! and i was like 9 or smth i have no clue but i was young so i fell in love with snsd and for ages that was the only kpop group i listened to but then!! a few years later i saw a clip of the speed dont tease me choreo on tumblr and i was like holy shit thats cool which then led to me finding a video of bts dancing to their song and so i ended up getting into bts, then got7 then exo. then i went off kpop for a bit and i returned in july and fell in love with svt and a ton of other groups

7. Any book recs? Movie recs? Recs in general?

Well i cant remember the last time i read a book which is really bad actually i need to start reading more again ( i read a book last summer, that was the last time i do remember actually) oh!! but i watched hidden figures the other week and it was really good and although it wasnt sad i cried at the end lmao i was just so proud of those women like they did that!! they really did that! ok this is a kids movie but i actually really like it so whatever its called oliver and company and its got good music o shit actually whilst im at it treasure planet is a really good movie too

8. What type of genre would your life be? Rom-com, coming-to-age, thriller, etc.?

i have no idea but probably some dumb comedy that nobody likes

9. Favourite piece of clothing?

i have this sweatshirt which is like sunflower yellow and has flowers on the back and its my absolute favourite but ive lost and and now im sad )-: its very big and soft inside

10. Would you rather time travel to the future or time travel to the past?

id probably rather go back to the past... like i dont know im not sure exactly where though like idk id probably tell my grandpa to make sure we all know italian lmao,  thats smth ive always wanted to do as lame as it sounds because everytime im like oh im italian people are like oh but you dont speak it and im like (^: yep

11. What is one thing on your bucket list?

god uh i dont know im so young this isnt something i think about lmao maybe ummm oh id like to go to a day6 concert, thats not usually the kind of stuff people put on their bucket list right?? but its something i want to experience 

sorry all my answer suck lol im a boring person

heres my questions: 

1. Favourite nontile track song?

2. What’s your favourite memory?

3. If you could only listen to three songs for the rest of your life which three would you pick?

4. What is the first thing you notice about someone?

5. What’s your favourite music video?

6. Is there any new music artist you discovered in 2017 that you really like?

7. What’s your most favourite thing you’ve ever reblogged?

8. Favourite hairstyle your bias has had?

9. If you could suddenly be fluent in a language which one would you pick and why?

10. What’s your favourite stage/performance that a group or solo artist has done?

11. Have you got any pets? Tell me about them! or if not any pets you wish you had?

how many people am i supposed to tag? idk but you obviously dont have to do it if you get tagged and dont want to so dw!!

@lowkeythe8 @22woozi @ssoftgyu @velvetchen @sleepyljihoon @jisew @wonnwoo @jeonghangyu @velvetcarat @lovjeon @berrryhao @atomicwoozi @yeahwxnwoo @blusyd

[survivorreelsmagicwithin]

Episode 1B - “I'm praying to Yoncé I survive and don't get first boot.”-Jess

no words.

LITERALLY

NO WORDS.

Two points. TWO FUCKING POINTS.

I'm praying to Yoncé I survive and don't get first foot. That ain't a cute look xoxox

i'm already forgetting to search for the idols, i'm already getting paranoid about if i need to start making alliances instead of just enjoying the really cute convos i'm having with ruthie lily and kevin (max is kinda dry and annoying but... we'll try to make it work ig).... and i'm already hating every challenge we do especially this one although i actually really liked the challenge it was so creative and fun, i just hated that i have bad luck and am stupid with the deduction things, HENCE why i havent looked for the idol yet. LOL. so.... tl;dr - things are going perfectly! this hufflepuffle is workin exactly as he should!

I just wanna say we really are the hufflepuffs. 114 moves in like 5 hours, but we did it.  Really proud of Ruthie, Landen, Kevin, Max, and I! Sending positive vibes to slytherin. Hope they are okay in this madness.

Yo my tribe? Kinda dope. I think that everyone worked really well together today! I think Joanna kinda took the lead and some of her ideas were... a choice. But! It got us first place! I think that this tribe has a good shot of getting to swap unscathed.

With Slytherin going to tribal, I really hope that someone I don’t know goes, but at the same time I’d be okay with Jess going? I feel like she’s such a sleeper threat in most games I’m in with her and I really just don’t want to compete with that this time around.

I kind of snapped and got myself an idol good until final 6 teehee.

I knew that the Snape's letter or writing or whatever that freak was up to was SOMETHING. Did I get lucky... hell fucking yeah.

A crackhead like me SHOULD NOT have all this POWER.

I also gave Jacob literally the worst clue ever because we are sharing clues ladies xoxoxo

The clue was:

"Snape is taken aback. “That wouldn’t be any business of yours now would it? I wouldn’t want to find out you are spreading false information. I trust you won’t have any issue with that”. Congrats! You’ve discovered Snape Storyline 2! That’s all for the moment, and will end your search for this round."

BOTH ARE HALF TRUE. Just in case he doesn't put 2 and 2 together and now I went from place to place on purpose. He's gonna think now I gave him something of value and I know he's gonna think "No way someone go an idol on day fucking 3".

CONFESSIONAL 1.1 — Walking into the Great Hall, I saw a few familiar faces... for not good reasons!

First Jacob, who I know from tengaged. He and I were in a similar friend group for a short period before he left it, but we had a rocky relationship. We flirted a bit (blame 16-year-old Nicholas), but that is in the past.

Secondly, Jess... who I just directly sent home in Eve’s The Challenge: Fresh Meat. She did not have great words to say to me (such as I’m condescending), so I was very wary and, honestly, unhappy with her being here.

But, as Kylie Minogue says, it’s better the devil you know.

Flash forward to the Sorting Ceremony, and I’m so happy to be.. Slytherin? I told Mister Vintage (Sammy) and Mister Heinen (Caeleb) that I’m either a Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff, but I suppose I’ve been lying to myself.

Then, I see my tribe: both Jess and Jacob are present. This is a curse wrapped in a blessing wrapped in an enigma. And, I love it.

I hate, hate, hate conflict and bad vibes, so I directly spoke to both. Jacob did not easily recognize me, but remembered me fondly; so, a successful reacquaintance. Jess, on the other hand, was definitely more apprehensive (as was I), but I made one thing clear: the past is the past, and I am declaring my loyalty.

I have been hurt in previous games by shoving the past aside while the other is still grudgingly aiming for revenge, but I feel Jess is different. She apologized to me about her words, which did hurt, and I apologized to her. What I said was honest, so I’m glad to see a fateful blossoming.

The first reward challenge is revealed, and honestly, I’m really bad at participating in pre-merge competitions, because I do not mind tribal. However, I do want to, since we are such a small tribe, focus on maintaining our numbers in case of a swap. We came in second this reward, and honestly, I’m glad to have eaten cupcakes (although I hate cherry). The fact we all chose a dessert and were privately messaged makes me assume someone received an advantage, but who knows...

What I DO know is that I had two separate relationships, so I wanted to lock a trio down (Me, Jess, Jacob), but I obviously did not want to gamebot this early and make the chat day one. So, naturally, i waited until after immunity.

Speaking of immunity... I took charge, because I like it, but also, I wanted to be able to take blame if we lost. I hate the whole “let’s vote someone out cuz they cost us a virtual challenge” this early in the game, it’s a cheap way to vote. I want to vote on loyalty and activity instead. That’s why I am probably going to target Jessie or Vi, but I‘m unsure as to which will be my vote. On one hand, Vi is much less social, but she also contributed a lot to the challenge. I do not want to judge a book by it’s cover, so I will reach out to her and assess her vibe.

I like going to tribal first, because my philosophy is that it’s better to test loyalties now, rather than guess loyalties later.

Regarding other players, Jules and Juls just played in a mini with me and sheeped the majority alliance to screw me over, so I’m not feeling them right now. Bitterness doesn’t exist in my mind: play well and I respect it; sheep and be stupid, and I will gladly dish out the karma. 

I’m satisfied with the happenings of this game so far, and I hope to make it further!! This is one of my first real orgs so, I’m em definitely excited. x. nick

Yay we won immunity. Raffy do be carrying our tribe though!

WELL WELL WELL!!!!!!! as far as my relationships go which is where i left off last round, really nothing much has changed about how i feel about or view my tribemates, but in exciting news... we won immunity!! i am not going to be first boot that is so nice, and im hoping that we can keep winning immunity until a swap so I can feel more secure. I think I could stand a shot if we lost on this tribe but i think if so the vote would split 3-2 i dont think i can get a unanimous vote on anyone unless its myself which is NOT WHAT WERE TRYNA DO HERE !! if anything i feel like i have the best chance to wiggle myself in with the girls (lily and ruthie) Max would probably be my ideal first vote if we ever lose an immunity because I know landen can be useful in challenges, but he YET AGAIN addressed me with a name that does not sit well with me he called me a "challengewhore" yet another reference to TS 2020, so this is not a good sign. Ideally I could get landen out and still be set but i know he has a relationship with juls who i also have a relationship with and wish to continue to have in this game, and us going against each other could make that more stressful than it needs to be because i know landen avenged beck for voting juls out maybe juls would do the same for him? Much to think about, but thankfully i dont have to think about it all that hard because yet again we ARE SAFE !!! woo, anyways thats pretty much it hopefully we can keep winning :D

Ahhhh safety feels so nice, I’m glad that I’m not in danger of being the first boot. Also I love the fact that ravenclaw won the first challenge with so little moves HAHA!

I want to go far in this thing with lily and with kevin, my goal right now is to get to merge and owen be alive so I can work with him!

I am very happy to have won this immunity challenge. We barely won, but I managed to pull my tribe to a victory. Emphasis on the "I" part. I am very frustrated with my tribe's lack of challenge activeness and ability. If the time did not work for them, then I do not know why they even suggested doing it at 2 PM. This challenge would have gone faster if I had done everything myself. In the end, though, I hope this helps in me staying in the game because I am a necessity if they want to ever win a challenge in first place. I highly doubt that they could do it without me.

So I’m currently writing this with one hand because my cat decided to lie on my other one  anyways Nobody is really talking about the vote which means it’s probably me going but I’ll see what I can do to change that

Here's a breakdown of my first few experiences since I am writing this a few hours before the first tribal council.

FIRST I was cast in this game along with a BUNCH of people that are icons across different formats of Tumblr Survivor - so that's intimidating. Mostly because my play style is kinda vanilla in comparison. I gotta find a way to stand out or I'm going to be thrown out fast.

SECOND There's a twist that will probably have some major effect at some later point in the game where everyone is added to the Great Hall. I think that it's for convenience of posting things like results and challenges so it only has to be sent to one chat... but also so that we can feel THEMATIC which is a lot of fun.

The game started in the Great Hall and we got sorted into our houses and the implication was that it's random but.. I don't think it's entirely true if I can read into what the hosts said to me once I was sorted into Gryffindor (something about running out of room in Hufflepuff) - because I definitely didn't say Gryffindor in my application.

THIRD My tribe has the following people: Joshua, Juls, Raffy, Autumn, and myself. 

I do not know how many of theme said Gryffindor when they applied but also did not want to bring it up to them as I am masquerading as a brave idiot. :D

Anyway, I started conversations with all of them and they all seem very sweet!!

I've played in a game before with Raffy where he was super snakey but also a great ally until he tried to snake me. So there's that... he's also an "over the top" type of person so he takes charge a lot of the time and voices his opinions about everything. I hope we can create some sort of working relationship in the game, but I think that he will tell me the truth if he does align against me.

Autumn is super chill and super strategic-minded. She puts lots of thought into all of her decisions and makes calls that benefit her getting to the end while trying to align with the right people. If I can't get to the FTC of this game... TBH I want to make sure she gets there. I played with her in one game and we both were tossed out one after another when the game turned on our "side". I don't think that relationship will factor into this game as it was forever ago and we both kinda play "new" every time we start a game but I'm hoping she will want to try and play with me just because I've seen how great she is at the game.

Juls is a very fun person who seems to always be having a great time! I found out she lives in Texas too and that she was excited to get to know me because we are from the same state. I was like.. do I know you? Because when she messaged me the way she did implied that she knew who I was and I was thinking OH NO what have people said.

Joshua seems really sweet. He hasn't added incredibly much to conversations so far with him but he has contributed some fun things. I love that he tries to be entertaining, but as I see it so far he's the first person I'd be willing to vote out if it came to our tribe going to council... though of course, having said that I bet they've all declared me their first choice.

FOURTH The reward challenge was the Letter plus Number challenge so as predicted...

I did terribly and earned 0 points for our tribe and was SO happy it was not for immunity.

The immunity challenge was a Choose Your Own Adventure Puzzle.

We got a slow start in that I feel like everyone was afraid to make a move because that would put a target on whoever "failed for the team". Then me and Raffy kind of got things rolling with him taking the main leader role and me taking on a secondary role either agreeing with his suggestions or contributing a suggestion for what we should do.

There was a misunderstanding with the competition and we ended up making a whole bunch of extra moves because it was unclear to us that the letters we found at a later part of the challenge were able to be changed into numbers at a lockbox so we did a bunch of extra stuff... and I was resigned to the fact we were going to the first tribal when we go surprised that Slytherin... DID WORSE!!! O_O

Anyway... I still have no alliances or confirmed "working game" relationships and I really don't feel like starting those conversations at the moment so if I am out of the ones established or on the bottom of one that will add me to "pick me up" for later votes then I blame myself for not trying hard enough in that category.

FIFTH I definitely didn't just now search for the idol and waste two days that I could have searched other times. Nope! Not me!! :)

Anyway I went on a trip to Hagrid's Hut because I love me some Hagrid and I figured he'd let me in since I"m a Gryffindor and he loves us the best (you know, like a reverse Snape)... I dug through all of his junk and found his umbrella. Apparently I liked that it was pink and then left his hut. 

To be honest, I probably should have taken his dragon's egg and turned him in... maybe could have gotten him fired.

Someone finally got me to come out of retirement- can you believe it

It's been cute so far and I have no complaints, probably cause the hosts wisely put me, Owen, and Dan in separate corners lmao. Yooo if we all make it to merge?? Hell hath no fury. But we will cross that bridge when we get there! And for now I enjoy the calm before the storm. I deadass forgot how to be an org so I need all the time I can get to socialize and reacclimate. Me checking Skype more than once a year? Don't remember ever doing that. I love Raffy, it's always good to see Chips, I think I like Juls, and I'm not sure how I feel about Joshua but it's fine. I like Gryffindor cause we have no beef and I hope it stays that way.

ok so my tribe lost :( big sad. but im def ok bc jess is soooo close to me and we made a threesome with nick so. i think jessie is an easy first boot bc shes not around as much as vi. but really its our decision at the end of the day!

here’s the hot goss.. i’m a little upset i didn’t get anyone i Know on my house/tribe but also grateful HSBSNSNN all i know is that so far i’ve been doing pretty solid in securing relationships with those on my team (at least.. i hope so :flushed:) and i’m hoping they all like me hehe. kinda praying to just mist my way to merge where i can be united with people who like me enough to keep me around still.. >:D 

[astorytellerforthatgirl]

Bonding with “Ate Santa Claus”: A Maine’s Fan Generous Heart

I am a former silent fangirl of Maine since 2016 until she released the Open Letter. Recently around 3rd week of January 2018, I decided to be vocal about my support for Maine. Fangirling online is not a new thing for me so I am already familiar how to be objective, positive, and happy with my words. Rule of thumb is “Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.” It worked for me all the times so I applied it as well here for the fandom of Maine. 

I started tweeting first and I created this dedicated fangirl blog entry for Maine. Few fans immediately appreciate my written works for the Phenomenal Star. What warms my heart is the joy and gratitude I am feeling whenever I write about Maine are the emotions they felt too when they read my blog entries or tweets. I continued doing this regardless of how varied my ideas are and how sudden these topics crossed my mind. When a writer like me is not silenced by my thought and heart, it means I have to write it down. Hence, this Tumblr blog becomes the platform for all the things I want to say about Maine.

Almost a month after I am vocal about my support for Maine, an unexpected DM (direct message) in Twitter caught me by surprise. A fan of Maine randomly sent this message:

“Hello ganda good morning, I saw your post, dont get offended ha but I wanted to give you a gift sana. A Microsoft tablet RT, with detachable keyboard. Ung specs nia oarang ipad 4th generation. Its a refurbished unit :).. natutuwa kasi ako how you love Meng so much.” [sic]

I did not know what to say. Even if I wanted to doubt, my gut feeling is loudly telling me she has a pure intention in giving that gift. Since I know how to read people’s aura either through words or pictures, it’s easier for me to separate the those with sincere intentions from a bogus. It’s a skill developed by keen and observant writers since I get inspiration from anything or anyone for my writing and not just what I feel. 

I simply know I can trust her.

She sent the DM last 3rd of Feb, 2018 through my only Twitter account (@rj1421). She offered me if she can send the tablet via shipping or we can meet personally. I chose the latter because when she said she’s an OFW working in an Asian country, I know how costly the shipping fee for a letter alone on international borders so how much more for a tablet. She said she will come home to her family soon and we can meet in that time. I agreed to her suggestion.

March 10, 2018 was the designated date for meeting Ate Santa Claus. I need to use a pseudonym to respect her wishes of staying anonymous. I was excited for that day because it will be the first time for me to have a cafe bonding with a fan of Maine. I want to hear her stories too.

She is very concerned about me. Ate Santa Claus keeps on sending me reminders about the security protocol of her AirBnB accommodation. On the day itself, she texted me to say that I must notify her if I am already nearby. She stayed nearby the busy district of Timog Avenue and Tomas Morato. I grabbed the chance to take a picture of Bahay ni Kuya. Also I hoped I can see the boutique of Francis Libiran (renowned designer of Maine’s majestic princess-like gown in Tamang Panahon) as I went there. I didn’t know it was a private compound and appointments should be held first. Few more minutes after, I reach the accommodation where Ate Santa Claus stays.

As soon as I saw her, I immediately thought she is around my age. I’m around late 20s. I was surprised when she said she’s way older than my guess. She has a youthful vibe. And to use my mama’s words in observing people, “maaliwalas ang bukas ng mukha niya.” I felt comfortable in an instant because of her warm and sincere aura. I just knew it but it is more than just the smiles, a genuine character simply exudes an authentic aura.

We sat down in Coffee Bean to have more bonding time. I wanted to pay for my order but she told me she will take care of it. I did not feel meeting  fan for the first time. What I felt in that moment is my own Ate came home to check on me. She is very caring even if she is not that much expressive.

I love our discussion about Maine. We are on the same page that Maine is the first Filipino mainstream celebrity we admire. Like me, she is also admires volleyball personalities. She shared her own story into which she said that she is thankful Maine reminded her that sometimes, we need to take care and decide for ourselves first. We cannot prioritize other things and people to the extent we are losing ourselves or we are just settling for mediocrity. 

This story is about how she made a brave decision that I am sure most girls will not do. Ate Santa Claus told me she ended a long-time relationship. It is so long that you can round off the number to 10. She felt they are not growing anymore because as she continues to aim for new goals and development, they guy is complacent and settled with what he has for the past years. The guy even told her that she changed completely. I respect how she told me change is inevitable and what we can do instead is to change for good. They separated on a good note as the guy respected her decision too. Ate Santa Claus is already within the supposed marrying age that Filipino culture suggests but there she is, telling me she will not settle for less and with hesitations in her heart despite how long they have been together and even if their families from both sides are ready anytime for their big announcement. My respect for her deepen. 

Another thing I admire about Ate Santa Claus is how much she loves her family. Like me, she wants to support her family in every possible way especially finances. Her heart is so huge that she did not mind allocating her salary for them and just keeping less for herself. OFWs really have a special spot in their hearts for their families. She wants to help them for as long as she can. I told her in the Bible, children who honors and respects their parents are favored and blessed by God.

To add more reminders from her, she told she wants to live her life to the fullest. This is why she balances her work and life experience. From time to time, she travels to different places. She is a wanderlust by heart. I was so amazed with all the local and international destinations she has been. She immersed in their culture too as she travels to connect more to the experiences more than what tourists want to do. 

As our discussion went back to Maine, she told me that FUNgirling (haha sorry for the pun) should be FUN. It must not be stressful or problematic. We already have our own personal challenges and we should not add up the negativity to it. I laughed with her when she told me funny anecdotes about her fangirling to Maine. She told me she is not the type to socialize but here she is, inviting a Maine core fan group to practice a dance number in her airbnb accommodation for a fan-organized party. She invited me too to her place itself and I saw there the Maine fan core group cheering for Maine in ACTually. They were very, very nice too and it felt like a college reunion for me. As I was going home, two of them even accompanied me to the elevator. Little did I know that as soon as Maine herself thanked the SMU for their exclusive party for Maine, Ate Santa Clause with her Maine fan core group also celebrated there. I was like “Hala ate ang cuuuuute!! Dun pala yun pinapractice nila!! They need to wait first for Maine’s post before Ate Santa Claus can tell me it was for that party which they are practicing for. 

Same like Santa Claus, I don’t like going to a crowd or a huge audience but she told me she just went to Broadway to see Maine, much to the laughter of her mom. haha! And recently she just shared how happy and worth it to be a part of the SMU birthday bash for Maine. Out of our love for Maine, we really do things we do not usually do before. Ganun talaga kapag pinahahalagahan mo. I love hearing all those stories about Maine from a fan whom I first met.

She grabbed the tablet and taught me the basics like how to detach the keyboard and how to use its stand. I am still amazed with this gift. Yes I know she is well off but as what I told Ate Santa Claus, not all those with the capacity to give has the willingness to give. Here she is, giving me the tablet wholeheartedly.

Sabi ko, “Ate how can I repay you?” She smiled, and said “Pay it forward”

I felt my tears forming at that moment. Thankfully my over-sized eyeglasses can cover my eyes. She has advocacy too and she wants me to continue doing my passion such as writing. In time, as she said, I will be able to help other people too. I planted her words in my heart so when the time comes I fell down again from failures and rejections, her words will be one of God’s assurance to remember my purpose. 

I will never forget that day for sure. Two strangers become sisters because God used Maine to be our bridge. So this is how it feels like when huge core fan group becomes united that despite of the diversity, we can be one.

Ate Santa Claus. as soon as you read this blog entry, you may have already been back as an OFW. Thank you so much for sharing your personal and fangirling stories with me. 

Just like you Ate Santa Claus, I will propel too in my career and passion as I support my family and strengthen my faith in God. And yes, I will continue reinforcing how much we all love Maine through God’s gift of storytelling in my heart, be it in creative writing or public speaking. Thank you po ulit from me, a happy kiddo RJ, your new little sister!

As for you Maine, look at what you have done. :) You become an instrument to remind us of the wonderful things Life has for us and to be always thankful to the Great Provider above. Thank you and God bless!

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[mind0fanintellect]

06/11/2020 @ 2:30am

Hey tumblr and tumblrets!

Wanted to check in since my last post. Its probably two months and half since we’ve been in quarantine. I think this is probably one of the best things that could of happened to me and the community. I think it’s crazy how i knew shit was about to go down once Trump got elected into office. The whole vibe of the world shifted, like i knew things were about to get so stressful. But, this quarantine is probably changing the world towards more of the positive excluding the fact that around 2 million people have died from the COVID-19. It’s a pretty crazy time in the world. Honestly, since this whole pandemic, I was able to complete my last full-time semester of college. I am so happy to say that I ended with a 3.5 GPA and deep down, I feel great. I have been suffering from mental illness because of the nonstop work i’ve been putting in my job and my school/studying. The stress has really got me fucked up and now that i have leisure time, it’s like brain doesn’t even know how to adjust to it. My health has been on a decline, i feel the aches and tension. I’ve gone gluten, soy, diary, and wheat free for almost 4 or 5 months. I have been feeling so much better since. The only thing i really have to start paying attention to is my emotions and thoughts. I know this because i recently just back into therapy since i was noticing patterns that I just tired with. I can say that i’m a lot better than i was in the beginning of the school year, but i still have a lot of burnt out side effects that i really need to recover from that can take a couple more months, maybe a year to fully come to terms with whats truly going on in my heart and head. I haven’t been seeing anyone, just making friends and hanging out with friends. And i can honestly say i am content but not as happy as i’d like to be.

I wanted to also take some time to write and reflect on my current relationships. I am not sure if i’m in the right circle or if i’m just around these people for the time being. I want to meet more people.. people that can help me achieve more goals in my life and learn how to go above and beyond. I’m still friends with the same people.. people that aren’t enlightening me in any way. Yeah they are good people but NONE can truly give me any valuable advice that could take me further and push me to do big and better things with my life. I don’t want to drink and get plastered anymore and i also don’t want to be surrounded by people that are only using me because i’m ahead. I don’t want to be around people that think they’re better than other people. I wonder if i’m being unrealistic though. I want to meet people that are humble but also want to help others in need. I’m so kind hearted and so empathic to the point that i cannot STAND when people aren’t. That even goes towards my friendships. Theres probably only two people that i can truly talk to and know they mean well. Although, there are times that i’m not the nicest person; i believe that you really have to trigger me to get on my bad side. I’m just over being around negative energy. This even includes my job.. i can’t stand it. I want to be around positive people that want to succeed and also have fun. On top of their shit and are wise about their money and savings. Tomorrow, i’m going to open up a retirement account. Thanks to my buddy Luis, I will be on the start of saving towards my retirement and saving money for who knows.. anything to help my future and goals.

I’m just so glad i got to this point. I’m basically done with school, single, getting myself together and recovering from all the shitty past experiences I went through. I’m having a hard time seeing the negatives of the experiences and it’s because i’m so well intentioned and kind. When Adrian hurt me so much. I cannot describe the way i felt when everything about the break up hit me, but it’s been too long and I need to come to terms with it. He was no good for me and I deserve better. Yeah we had good memories together and he basically made me into the person i am today, so i have to be grateful for that. If i didn’t get into that relationship, i don’t think i would have this perspective on the world. Their are a lot of beautiful things out in the world and i need to explore it. He showed me how it was like to be on adventures and have a good time. How you’re suppose to be treated when someone truly cares about you. He said that he was in love with me.. but i dont know? He moved on quick, but i get he had no other support system and that was his way of coping with our break up. I don’t know what life has in store for me.. but i think i’m ready to move on and see what the rest of my life as in-store for me.

Ariana :)

[survivorsolomonislands]

Episode 5 “I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON” -L.A.

Well I don't know what is going on with these other tribes, I'm confused how they went from voting a rookie to voting a veteran which makes me think I can't just rely on reconnecting with my veterans which means I might as well go ahead and lock in some alliances with the rookies on my tribe, who honestly I want out because they kinda annoy me. But I've learned a lot from my past experiences, I really feel like this is a redemption season for me, I have to suck it up sometimes that people rub me the wrong way, I have to play a game, lie to people, align myself with whoever will get me farther in this game. I'm not bringing the chaos this time I'm bringing the sneaky snaky self, hiss hiss. I've officially placed higher than 17th like I did last time which is good and right now I'm eager to make it to the merge so my game can really just explode and I can take control.

*SCREAMS* THAT WAS SO STRESSFUL, FUCKIN' HELL. AFTER I SAW MY NAME ONCE I WAS LIKE WELP I'M GOING HOME BUT NAH MONTY IS ACTUALLY TRUSTWORTHY. Looking back, I feel stupid for considering to work with Linus, but he was the person I talked to the most so I wanted to work with someone I liked. I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON. (that's a lie, i'll probably make a rookie mistake later on) But I can pretend I'm older and wiser for now.

I found out that Linus went home during my 11-hour to home from college today, so I was planning out some confessionals outlining my next-step strategies because Linus was a close and valuable ally for me in this game and someone I really liked, but I watched the Survivor episode I couldn't watch live as soon as I got home and... all I want to say is that this puts things in perspective for me, truly, about how this is a game, and the tears I cried tonight, in my opinion, will have a profound impact on how I will play out the remainder of this game. I was reminded in the most dramatic way possible how this is all a game. Especially being someone who has, at times, blurred the distinction between real life and game in things that I've said and done, I'm looking at things through a completely different outlook after what I just witnessed transpire on national television. This is a game. This is literally just an online game. I'm going to make sure that I keep people reminded of that, that the experience can be as fun and enjoyable for people as possible, and that should I come close to blurring the line between game and life again... that I think back to the raw emotions this evening incited among the Survivor community and I remember how low-stakes this all is. I hope that this experience brings all of us in this game together so that we may approach the remainder of the season with respect, passion, and fun. I'll get back to you on strategies when there are less tears running down my face.

https://youtu.be/Q1XPLeE__oc This one BETTER BE UNLISTED.

we won reward and slither.io is fucking terrible so fuck that and let's catch y'all up with my strategies Linus went home, which was truly a wake-up call. Linus was someone I trusted and someone that I was fully aligned with and vibed with, so losing him - potentially at, as Zakriah suspects, Monty's hands - was rough. I've been playing this game on Easy Mode; we've been on cruise control since Day 1, going to Tribal Council once where Chrissa self-voted herself out 10-0, and have been immune ever since. This is literally my longest immunity streak in Tumblr Survivor history - 3 rounds - and it hit me that I haven't even been playing. No votes, no alliance-building and strategic developments... I'd been just winning everything and not worrying about jack squat. And then I see that Linus' ass is gone and suddenly my ass is grass - I've got one less ally in this game. I got woke up real hard and have now attempted to get out of cruise control and start course-correcting. I approached Dana with all this, because she's my closest ally in this game, and she agreed. On my way home yesterday, I was planning it out - form positive working relationships with the rookies because, if we keep winning, why not feel good with them in a potential swap or merge? I was planning on getting info out of Willow, and striking a deal with Allie. Instead, after having more convos with Willow, I elected to strike a deal with her; it's not official, but we've both got each others' backs, which loosely means that we're working together. I'm happy that Willow is the one I've formed a stronger relationship with because I truly see Allie as the bigger threat; we can boot Allie if we need to, and I can keep Willow around as my Katie. In Malaysia, I had a great and honest partnership with Katie; we were each others' ride-or-die, Katie because I was loyal to her and me because I felt like I could beat Katie in the end. I've got the same vibe about Willow here. She can be my partner and extra vote to the end of this game where I'll beat her - it sounds good. Now, I wanted to form good relationships with both Allie and Willow for two reasons: if we keep winning they're good allies in the advent of an inevitable future swap or merge, and if we do lose, then they won't be targeting me. Now, should we lose, my thought was to get rid of bigger rookie threat Allie, and should we lose again, take out Karen; the Karen/Monty/Lexi obvious trio shouldn't have a chance to reunite, but at the moment Karen is still a number with me, even if we hardly talk. I could be convinced to oust Karen first because Allie, while a bigger threat, might offer more future connections for Dana and myself, while the only connections Karen has are to a well-known solid clique that may have already turned against the veterans. The time will come to decide that. Until future events come to pass, my head is now back and placed firmly and square on my shoulders. No more easy mode, no more cruise control, and hopefully more premeditated and beneficial progressions.

me: finds idol clue that says in no uncertain terms that the idol is in the plane wreckage me: checks the cute vets' idol hunting doc and sees that someone has already checked there and, presumably, found the idol me: what the fuck now i'm sAD me: checks the plane wreckage anyways me: ...............fINDS THEF UIEDHFCUIEWDHXJ FUCKING IDKJCIOKWDHFNCIWS IDOL HUDEUWSIDHXS JESS CHRIST 

This is legit so fucking weird. In the google docs, somebody searched there... and if they did they should have the idol... but I HAVE THE IDOL???... So someone's fabricating where they're searching??? On paper, that kind of makes sense; lie about where you've actually been to hide places that you haven't searched and leave open places where you know it's not, so your alliance can search there and not find it. That makes sense. But this edit was literally the second edit in the doc. It doesn't make any sense at all how that edit is in there and i have the idol rn. I'm legit sketched the fuck out LOL but... I lied to Dana that i searched the pile of ash (lol) and that I found the clue that I really found days ago there, and she's on a tear now. On the topic of vets being shady, she thinks that Karen's out to get her. now that i've got the idol and am feeling ballsy... karen's a lot more expendable to my conceited ass now than she was when i was vulnerable. i'll take an idol, allie, and the risk of allie's people being out to get me over an idol, karen, and a trio getting allowed to reunite. letting karen stay definitively gives a clear-cut clique the chance to reunite. there's nothing clear-cut about allie, but even if there was unbeknownst to me, i've got the idol as leverage and protection. without that protection, i would've taken the known of karen/monty/lexi over the unknown quantity of allie's allegiance, but now... karen's ass is grass. But this is all conjecture. The immunity challenge is Jeopardy!, with only one tribe representing. Kendall and I fucking dominated this challenge in Malaysia and I'm optimistic that I could do so again, so I'm thinking our chances of going to Tribal Council this round are less than likely. But if we do... Karen :~) maybe u should've tried talking to me or dana ever lol

https://youtu.be/X8GKSbyfVX4

shitshitshithsit Im screwed ;_; ill try my best to try and create a legit looking fake idol but I dont see it working at all. Fuck you Mitchell!! Fuck you Ryan!!! and Fuck you Monty!!!! I hope you all get eaten by a bunch of crocodiles

mitchell: 2 tumblevivor jeopardy!: 1 :)

Okay so last night after we got the reward, I didn't get an idol clue, but I decided to look because it's smart to look every round. Anyway I went to the sunken ship again because me and Allie have been looking in there, and I went to the flooded control deck, and then to the old map, and I found a clue, I'm so excited! [Friday, April 14, 2017 12:22 AM] Isaac (Solomon Islands Host): <<< You pick up the map You notice something written on the backside Congratulations you have found the clue to the hidden immunity idol "While you want to be soaring and flying. These people did not and ended up dying"Isaac (Solomon Islands Host), Yesterday 12:22 AM I'm just really happy about finding this clue, because I think I know where to look now, but I'll just have to wait until next round. I told Allie about the clue and that she should look this round, so that we can find the idol faster, but I don't think shes looked yet. I'm just hoping whoever got the idol clue from the reward challenge doesn't find the idol before me and Allie. It's weird because at the beginning of this game I thought the idea of someone looking for the idol was crazy, but now I realize it's not, and I've been looking every round. On another note, Mitchell came up to me and told me that he got good vibes from me, and that he's got my back, which is really great because Mitchell is an awesome person, and hes someone that I really want to work with. To enable screen reader support, press shortcut Ctrl+Alt+Z. To learn about keyboard shortcuts, press shortcut Ctrl+slash.

Ok so Im ready to start throwing literally everything at the wall. I have a pretty cray cray move planned, hope it works out but atleast I would go down fighting.

Because Monty flipped on the vets - I already knew it, but Mitchell confirmed it after the jeopardy challenge - Aromal is screwed tonight and we got a rat in our midst. What Mitchell is thinking is since Monty is so quick to vote out a vet, we should scoop in Allie and Willow and take out some of his allies in a potential second swap situation. It's put me in a pickle bc I do want to work w Karen but I know I probably can't bc of the shit I've talked about Lexi already. So if worse comes to worst and we have to vote out a vet it'll be one of those three.

So while I am excited about winning immunity again I am kinda peeved that fricking Ulawa lost again and I can be expecting another vet to go which means the veterans are going to be down in numbers which I don't want because I want to be in a position where I can have both nuTemoana and the Veterans to work with, but if the rookies get the numbers than I may be at the mercy of the rookies in nuTemoana who I have been building bonds with slowly even though I will quickly get rid of any of them. I kinda wish Makira would like throw it or something because they have 4-2 over there and like again I find myself sitting back and waiting for the game to reach a point where I can be making moves and taking control. But if winning immunity every time is what gets me to the merge than I guess I'm okay with that because that would give me plenty of time to hide just how deceptive I can be.

So a lot has happened since the last tribal. Aro was our target - until he revealed that he has an idol, and showed us screenshots. Leaving us at a huge disadvantage, considering me, Monty, and L.A. have an alliance together and Aro is our only conceivable target. So Monty and I came up with a plan. Me and L.A. are voting for Aro, and him and Aro are voting for L.A. That way, if he plays his idol, L.A. goes home and not me or Monty (even though we don't really want her gone, at this point, we may not have a choice). And if he doesn't play his idol, me and Monty are the deciding votes and get rid of Aro instead. Our biggest worry is that Aro votes for Monty instead, meaning it ties between Monty and L.A., and then if Aro really wants Monty gone I have to make the decision of either voting out my closest ally, or going to rocks and risking myself. Actually no, if Aro plays his idol he'd be immune at rocks. So there's no way I wouldn't vote for Monty in that situation, because I'd be the only person pulling rocks. So really, this hinges on Aro doing what he's telling us he's doing, which is something really risky to bet on. I told Aro that I wanted to vote for L.A., just to solidify his vote for her. I really hope this goes as planned, and that Aro doesn't play his idol.

I need a better social game, coming into this game I knew it would be my tragic flaw and now I think I might go home because of it. It's already been established that Monty was unsure about me because we didn't talk a lot, and we don't. Daisy and I only became close-ish, after the Lily vote because we both felt in danger and needed someone to have our back but now she has an idol and better social game. The only person I talked to regularly, I voted out because I wasn't able to trust him and now I'm stuck with these people I am not close with at all and I get the feeling that they are close. Daisy and Monty seem to talk a lot and I'm not sure about Aro and where he stands. I feel like if I don't do something I'm going home tonight, Aro says he has an idol which I believe and Daisy and Monty are just saying lets vote Aro anyways, and it makes no sense. If he has an idol then he's going to use and since they aren't worried I'm clearly the target so now I have to do something to try and save myself. I'm worried about coming off paranoid, too aggressive, or untrustworthy but I have to do something, otherwise I feel like I'm just letting myself go home without a fight.

I talked to Aro, and basically told him everything. I wasn't wrong about possibly going home tonight, Daisy put my name out to him. Apparently, I'm good at challenges and that scares her. TBH, all I do is put effort in, I can go hard like I did with the word game, but besides that I haven't put that much effort in. I considered down playing when I first started but whats the point? I'd rather be seen as a strong challenge player rather than someone who doesn't try. At this point I can only hope Aro doesn't flip again, so we'll see how this all works out.

Okayyy I actually might have found an opening. Heres whats goin down tonight Daisy and Monty are voting me to try and flush my (very fake) idol. However they dont wanna be at the receiving end of my (very fake) idol so they told me to vote L.A . I figured out what they were planning and went straight to LA. We are now voting Daisy because she thinks both Daisy and Monty are voting for her. Oh and apparently Daisy has an idol too so if we manage to get rid of her we might send her packing with the idol. So the vote is gonna be 2-2 and L.A HAS to draw rocks or else Im screwed. PLEASE LET THIS WORK

okay okay me and LA are voting Monty not Daisy OH GOD PLEASE LET THIS WORK

I kinda feel bad for Ulawa since they've lost every immunity challenge. I'm also worried that after tonight's tribal there might be another tribe swap since Ulawa would be down 3 members (I think?). And if there is a tribe swap and I end up on a different "beach" then that'll be a little scary bc I'm so close to finding this idol. I know I used to complain about the first tribe swap but everyone on Makira has been really nice to me, even though I came into the swap down 4-2. Anyway I should I probably stop assuming that there might be a swap because I'll never know until it actually happens.