#i want my best friend back

[queerstudiesnatural]

current moodboard

[berryzxx]

HELP OMG

basically

my new friend in college right because i'm just such a sociable person said "thanks a lot"

and i said "THANKS A LOT RACHEL. YOU IDIOT"

and she didn't get the reference

so then i looked like a wierdo 😔 I had to whip out the meme for her but i still think she thinks im un normal

[coconurt]

i hate this i hate everything i hate being alone

[dyinggoosenoises]

chat i miss her

[senrrrra]

Massive stupid narc rant under cut!!! I'm experiencing Narcissistic collapse. (Katie pls pls pls don't read I told Nathan I wouldn't say anything)

I've been having a fucking crash for a week now or something. It's been fucking hell. I wake up and I'm sad and miserable and want to break and destroy something or just everything. There's this pit in my stomach I can't get rid of.

Then I wonder, "oh, can I fix this? Can I help it at all?" and foolishly google it, hoping among all the horrible articles about how much I suck and how manipulative and abusive I must be there might be something good. But all that does is make me think about how my best friend reads all this shit, firmly believed it, and wants fucking nothing to do with me and is probably happy I'm gone. After almost 2 years, knowing me so well and me genuinely thinking we were friends, he decided I'm actually just shit and can't be trusted because he learnt something about me. He'd probably be happy if I fucking dropped dead! Then I wouldn't be a "threat to Nathan's safety".

I want to fucking sprint 300 miles in the other direction, go to the nearest town, get a job and change my name. I want to disappear. By being around Nathan, I'm causing these issues. People thinking I'm hurting him just by being a narcissist and existing around him. I can't say or do anything without having somebody be like "oh I feel bad for him/I'm worried for him, being stuck with a narcissist as a husband".

The options are to hide my NPD from everybody and hope new friends don't find out. If they find out, they'll be like oh I've been lied to and manipulated this whole time and I'll lose somebody else I've gotten close to.

Other option is to be upfront and immediately scare people off and feel so fucking unloved and hated. Having people en masse telling me I'm worth less than mud (something that was said to me when I was banned from a server for saying I was a narcissist) would do absolutely miracles for my mental health I'm sure!!!

I'm a fucking day away from shooting myself dead and I'm not even fucking joking. I'm so miserable. I could just wander out of the house one day and Nathan would never find me again. Oh, but then I'm in my head like "you're being abusive, manipulative, you're threatening suicide and you're an abusive fucking narcissist" and I'm stuck in this fucking CYCLE.

I'm suicidal because I feel so fucking hated and rejected by everybody but this suicidal ideation makes me feel even worse about being a narcissist, which makes the suicidal thoughts worse. Nobody can fucking help me. There's no resources on how to help me. Only on how to protect yourself from a narcissist's crash. Because we're going to abuse and fucking kill you, I guess.

I just want to kill myself, that's it. I feel so horrible. I feel like I shouldn't fucking front ever again. I don't deserve to exist or even fucking breathe. I hope I get stabbed to death on my way home. I hope a train runs the bus over on my way to work. I hope my chest pain is actually serious and causes my heart to stop. I hope our house catches on fire while Nathan's at work (and all of his belongings are okay, I'm the only thing damaged and killed). I hope I just stop living. Please. The fucking universe won't let me have peace or mercy for a SECOND.

I'm hated by my family, friends, partners. All my life. My whole life. People are afraid of me because of BPD and now for NPD, I'm hated. I'm treated as this horrible fucking monster with no remorse or care. I must be hurting Nathan in some way. I've become so hyper vigilant of how I act with him because I'm so scared I'm actually narc abusing him and have no fucking clue. I genuinely don't even want to be friends with him at all anymore because I can't fucking handle this. I don't want to cause more problems with his friends. I don't want to cause problems with his potential future friends. I'm so afraid of making life terrible for those closest to me.

My family made me think I made life horrible and terrible for them just by existing. I cost too much, I cried too much, I talked too much, I laughed too much, I did everything too much. I made everything so difficult for them. My friends made me feel this way. My partners made me feel this way. I'm the common denominator. I must actually be this horrible.

Fuck I should actually just die, huh? I'm really stuck like this forever. It's only a matter of time before everything goes horribly wrong and I'm the common denominator again. I shouldn't be around anybody.

[dungeonsanddominatrix5e]

.

[chloesimaginationthings]

Cassidy loves to scare the FNAF night guards..

[halswritesstuff]

a passion turned regret

poems

the start of our end

yet here i am

writing another

as i grieve

not a death

but a departure

a goodbye

all because

i sent you some poems

[ragingextrovert]

.

[bowandquinn]

Clone

I stare blankly at my phone and wonder where the fuck this went wrong How did we end like this? The most important question is why? Why did you have to believe HER. HER? Over ME? Are you FUCKING SERIOUS? Calling HER your sister the day after YOU gave up on ME???????? When did you gain the fucking audacity. Oh wait, you got it from me. You got it all from me. Every trait, every friend, every last thing. You're just a clone of me. You must see me when you stare at yourself in the mirror, You are just like me. We aren't any different, Other than the fact I would've NEVER done this to you. I would've never trusted someone over my sibling.

But I guess I'm just so replaceable (SO ARE YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST LIKE ME)

shameless self promo lmao

[bread-that-draws]

Flowey’s so funny and has me so fucked up like he’s a talking flower. He tries to kill you upon your first interaction. He is ten years old. He is damaged beyond repair. He’s a flower named Flowey. He’s become friends with every single character. He’s killed all of them countless times. He knows everything about everyone. He doesn’t care anymore. He takes care of his mom when she can’t take care of herself. He’s killed her before. He doesn’t care if you kill her. He thinks she’s trying to replace him. He just wants to be himself again. He wants to destroy everything. He hates you. You’re the only one who understands him. He wants his best friend back. He’s terrified of them. He believes in kill or be killed because he died by giving mercy to the wrong person. He believes himself to be the wrong person. He doesn’t understand when you show him that kindness he showed others, even when you know he could kill you for it. He’s tried every route. He asks you if you have anything better to do when you try to do the same. He’s a direct reflection of the player. He’s a fucking talking flower named flowey and his only voice line is by Ronald McDonald and his officially licensed plush does a little dance for you

[24601orwhatever]

KYLE ADAMS as GRANTAIRE

mastered by @bikinibottomdayz

[danandfuckingjonlmao]

[deoidesign]

For my birthday... read my webcomic! It's literally free! (Unless you want books. Those are not free)

It's beautiful, it's gentle, it's funny, they're canonically t4t and gay... And it's about time traveling vampires solving supernatural mysteries!

I've spent thousands of hours writing and drawing it, and it's really good! I'm not biased!

It's on hiatus right now and coming back in 2 months, so it's the perfect time to get caught up

[azuphere]

welcome back cat and bear save the world ft. dan suggesting the cat paws pose <3

(bonus photos + twitter link will be included under the cut!)

feel free to repost and/or crop me out but credit to this og post would be appreciated!!

twitter link: (x)

tumblr videos: possibly pending

bonus photos ft. me originally forgetting the cat and bear headbands:

special shoutout to the headband that i crafted myself + the bracelets that i gave dnp 📢 (the bracelets were originally supposed to be like a lil crown on each of them but it made it too heavy and kept falling off 😪)

[moodyvoid]

If you sincerely think Shigaraki would be an abusive partner, I’m going to assume you read the manga with your eyes closed.