#i want my hot weather back
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#rain.stuff#i want my hot weather back#i want my best friend back#i want to sleep#i want to never set foot in a train station again#i want gloves#i want a time machine and a teleportation machine#and i want infinite battery on my phone
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get these boys summer uniforms and cold beverages Stat
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#itadori yuuji#fushiguro megumi#itafushi#megumi#yuuji#fanart#jjk fanart#missed opportunity keeping them in the same uniforms year round :// we could have had suns out guns out yuuji smh#also i am continually perplexed by yuuji's uniform in particular#is he wearing a hoodie underneath ??? is the red Attached to the rest of it????#like. during sukuna's shibuya rampage when it shows the back ripped (vibes btw)#there is No trace of red tht would indicate there being another layer#so i am ??????#i actually dont know if Any of them wear their own shirts under their uniforms. sometimes it looks like megumi is ???#other times ???????#pls i need answers this dilemma takes up so much mental real estate#whatever . /I/ want them to have another layer. fr ~flavour~#anyway . summer my beloathed <3 my enemy <333#at least i can draw itfs cooling off to cope#i do NOt want hot weather . neither does megumi. look at him hes dying
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took myself on a little shopping trip yesterday in the city where i used to study in hopes of lifting my spirits but by the end of the day i felt so disheartened. wandering the same streets 10 years later and not much has changed. i’m still the same lonely unlovable girl.
#i just wanted to have a good time and not rot in bed for once on my work free weekend but of course my brain can’t let that happen#it was such a lovely day actually the weather was sunny and windy it wasn’t too hot or cold ideal weather to stroll through the city#i had delicious food and found some comfortable clothes but at the end of the day i just felt so empty and worn out#seeing all these couples and friend groups and families and i’m still all by myself after so many years#tbh i’m even lonelier now than i was 10 years ago back then i at least had a few friends#idk what i’m doing with my life tbh.. i just want to be happy but even when i take myself on a cute little date i end up feeling miserable#bc it just hits me how truly lonely i am#i fear i’m incapable of forming any genuine relationships anymore bc i had so many bad experiences that i just stopped trying to connect..#with anyone.. even though i crave community friendship companionship and love i completely shut myself off from the world#i’m not even sure what i’m trying to say with all this.. i wish i knew how to be a person in this world#i wish i could be happy#tbh ever since i got back from my italy vacation i’ve been feeling depressed bc life could be so beautiful if i didn’t have to sacrifice..#almost all of my time for work#the post vacation depression is too real…#realizing you can only spend a very limited time traveling and enjoying yourself bc you have to work most of the time just to afford living#let me stop.. i keep rambling and my thoughts are falling like a waterfall#idk what’s wrong with me… i should have breakfast and put my phone away#sorry to anyone who actually reads all this word vomit#☁️
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thrilled with the unexpected return of cheongsam mona tbh~~~
#she’s so cute in it!!!!!!!!! our princess frrrrrr#i hope she had lots of delicious bāo after the filming~~~~ she deserves that much~~~~#though. cursed confession here but i never truly understood why cheongsams are portrayed as alluring outfits as media tbvh#to me it’s just the thing i had to wear as a kid for cny and [insert school cultural event] (when the weather was too hot for my kebaya)#hmmmm. maybe it’s because of the slit? yeah it’s probably because of the slit huh…#but man. im reminded of this rather cursed event that happened eons ago whenever i see cheongsams… i dont think i wore them again after that#which was. y’know. probably for the best. they’re not exactly the easiest dresses to wear while climbing up into a truck… but i digress!!!!!#anyways!!! if you’ve read this far i might as well tell you my favourite thing to say in chinese~~~ ready~~~?#我要回家 (wo[tone 3] yào huí jiā): ‘i want to go home’#dang phone keyboard you just hate hanyupinyin dont you </3#but yeah that’s the first phrase i taught my non-mandarin speaking (then)coworker just for fun a few months back. fun times~~~~~~#可是，我现在好累了……所以我真的很想睡觉……再见大家！
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unemployment hell 🤝
on all levels but physical I am gifting you a hot chocolate and a soft blanket, beloved
I would love nothing more
#my art#causeimanartist#drawing of me#thank you for the sweet message 💙#I wish this was physically me but it was like 80 degrees today and I'm a sweaty bitch#I want sweater weather so I can look cute and drink hot chocolate from my extensive mug collection#have I ever revealed that fact? that I collect mugs?#99% of them aren't even for drinking - I have them sitting on my dresser and book shelves#holding trinkets and scrunchies#ya know - normal mug tasks#hopefully we both escape unemployment hell soon#I had an interview last Friday but then haven't heard anything since so :(#back to LinkedIn my fucking enemy#all it suggests to me are either legal assistant roles (never again please - I'm over lawyers and law firms)#or perfect jobs for me that aren't in my state#like sir#stop suggesting museum positions in dc#that's the wrong side of the country
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........creachure
#cats#his eyes are always so big and weird he no longer looks like a cat anymore sometimes.. in a way...#it's hard to understand.. complicated vibes on this boy#his summer sprawl (laying flopped out on the floor weird because of the heat)#I AM still trying to get some costumes done and also post another poll advtnure so I can finally finish it lol#the weather this month has just been soooo.... There was the heat wave and then after like 2 days of coolenss where I was like 'ah! finally#I can be productiv!' but just as soon as I had recovered from the heat.. it got hot again ghhhh#currently sweating inside. I actually had to leave my doctors appointment early today because I was just so so warm from#sitting in the car and the fac tthat half the buildings still do not have their air up very high and etc. and I felt so nausous#and flushed and started to get back and stomach pains for some reason.. Which I guess is good in a way to further confirm to doctors that#I Have Something Wrong With Me lol (most normal people should not be this heat sensitive I think) but is also still a little stinky#because I still payed a copay for the fulla appointment time but cit it short by leaving 15minues early.. grrr#ANYWAY. It seems like recently it's just hot all the time but it will ocasionally tempt you with a cool day of reprieve BUT don't let your#guard down! because as soon as you start to think 'hey things are getting better! :0' the sun will be like NO actualy. scalding temperature#be upon ye..#Which of COURSE. I would rather have hot weather with little breaks in between than just constant hot weather. 100% definitely.#but it just always makes me sad because I get my hopes up lol.. JUST as I've recovered from the past heat and am So Ready To Start#On All My Things now That I'm Not As Sick And Hey Maybe It's Even Cool Enough To Do A Costume! .. my hopes are dashed#.. woe and so on and so forth. . Which I am stil managing to get a few things done but just.. not the things I really WANT to do (costumes.#sculptures. edit videos. etc. ).#anyway.. look at son.. If nothing else I still have lots of cat photos.. my sole productivity offerings to the internet online world
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🌻 ₊˚⊹ ࿔ 🌳
#the weather is so lovely today. it’s breezy and cool but the sun is warm so it’s not too cold or too hot out.#i wish it was like this forever.#ive been feeling so tired lately. physically n mentally & idk if its an underlying health issue or bc i haven’t been sleeping super well#the past few days i wake up in the middle of the night but im able to go back to sleep fairly quickly. but i STILL feel exhausted.#im supposed to talk about my lab results w my doc tmrw on the phone so. i hope everything is okay but tbh i wouldn’t be surprised if#something wasn’t optimal. my iron was okay last time i checked it though. sigh i just idefk anymore.#im sick of everything. im irritable for no reason. i don’t wanna do anything. like anything. i just want to rot in my bed#and even my interests are slowly slipping away from me. writing? couldn’t care less if i don’t write anything for the rest of the year tbh.#reading? i couldn’t even care to browse the shelves when we went to the bookstore the other day and it scared the shit out of me#kpop? meh.#i have a massive to do list and uni starts in a month and i have no energy. + dealing with my own brain and nonsensical thoughts on top#of that. overthinking anxiety all that super great stuff.#im also sick of putting in 110% into my relationships and getting half of it back. family friends whoever. and it makes me so sad. +#i feel like nobody even understands me. or even tries to or wants to.#im just tired#sick and tiredddddd#actually a bit sick too my throat hurts#anyways whatever#it’ll be fine i guess#i don’t want to give up but i don’t have any desire to push through im sort of just. floating. ill deal with it when i deal with it#♡ dear diary…
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Oh temperatures under 100 degrees how I miss you ...
#it is 102 for the next 10 days according to google weather#one of those days it's supposed to reach 104....why me#every july i'm like why is the depression kicking my ass so hard#it's because i'm not outside as much for obvious reasons#don't get me wrong i still go walking most days but i wait until 8:30 pm#i need the sun so bad but she wants to fucking kill me love story of the ages#the other night i was like i need more cardio that must be why i'm so tired#and jogged for a bit and came back nauseous. FINE it is just too hot. i accept it. fine.
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recently ive been getting really sick of my neighbors i wish that i had a bunch of money so that i could buy up their houses and only let people i live live near me
#neighbors 1 used to be friends but theyre trumpies and also neglect and borderline abuse their dog#i like river hes not a bad dog but hes not trained well and is a very large and powerful dog and really really wants to kill my cats#and they just let him loose wander in the road wander into other peoples yards and hes trapped me and my mom outside because#he tries to force his way into our house if we try to go back inside of our house and i kinda dont want my cats guts splattered everywhere#neighbors 2 have a fenced in yard with a lab and a husky that they leave outside all of the time in their yard#as far as i know they dont have a dog house or even food and water out there and absolutely no toys and the dogs bark constntly#probably because theyre so bored outside in the hot weather usually without shade and no entertainment they bark at each other#or anyone in the yards of the neighboring houses or they bark at the door begging to be let back inside or bark at the windows#and theyre patriots too they got one of those huge skeletons last halloween and theyve kept it up ever since changing out the spotlight#for holidays which initially i really liked i thought it was funny but then for memorialday/july 4th they dressed in patriotically#and i hate america so . i hate them and how they neglect their dogs#neighbors 3 they are related to the one good neighbor BUT. theyre married (?) and they scream at each other arguing all of the time and#because of the geography of where we live it echos right to our house very loudly and it gives me anxiety and they have a kid or kids#who sometimes cry loudly because they scream yell at each other loudly i kinda hope they (not the kids) go to hell#neighbors 4 i . im not sure if theyre newer here but they also have dogs but so far theyve kept them on leashes i think?#except for that one time where their dog just. walked up to me. idk if they let the dog loose on purpose or if it was accidental#but recently me and my mom were outside messing with the garden and They are also a couple and were screaming at each other#also ! i love straight people 😍 please breakup or get a divorce or move away or go to hell youre fucking crazy people go to therapy#and then theres the people on super loud motorcycles or in super loud cars and then theres the other neighbors with the isra hell flag#and the other neighbors that i SUPER SUPER SUPER HATE and have hated for YEARS ecause i went to school with one and hes#racist as fuck i hope he dies or something. and because of them we dont even go down the road that way#they have free roaming animals that would go into the road and they run some ? atv repair or something out of their house and sometimes#completely occupy the whole road loading shit or something. like if you want stereotypical redneck assholes its them#and i hate all of these people so much. mutuals you should live here instead of them. its the blue ridge mountains its higher altitude#its pretty but sometimes it rains and causes something of a 'creek' to flow but were on a mountain so it flows down and away#and well sometimes the sewer smells really bad for some reason idk but like . its fine dont worry about it#and bears might drag your trashcans up the mountain but just dont leave food outside and they wont do that#we have a . shockingly beautiful ?? dumpster on the road too so its okay 👍#dear lird i just scrolled up and thats a lot of words . o well
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I think someone put the brain of a mouse or maybe a squirrel inside my head at some point because all winter I was like “I crave nuts and seeds” and now that it’s getting warmer and brighter out my brain keeps going “it’s fruit time”
Like, modern transportation has made it possible to move many fruits all over the world (in theory) all the time! But the primal early plesiadapiform part of my brain is like “you must eat what is available this season”
#I was going to go with euarchonta or plesiadapiform brain but I think the early members of both of those groups were from a tropical#ecosystem. if I’m wrong though and either are from more seasonal environments I could change what I used#actually. wait. plesiadapis is from the late Paleocene. yes. but tropical plants have reproductive cycles too#do they generally vary by season or are they just doing it all at their own pace by species#I am from a very cold seasonal climate that gets hot af in summer but is pretty cold for a good five-ish months#not all equally cold#it’s bad for our environment if it doesn’t get cold as balls for a bit every winter#and we didn’t really get that this winter. but that’s not my point!#I mean to say I can’t remember how it works in tropical environments#if the plants just time their reproduction whenever in the year or if there are seasons for most plants at the same time#does that make sense? I’m using the primate-like-mammal. if it’s wrong then whatever#fuck it we ball#maybe I should have gone with a group further back in time but I couldn’t find climate info easily about things that far back and fuzzier#i am not the most familiar with primate evolution. especially early evolution of the group. I’m open to learning more#i just tend to fixate on certain other things like early mammals and horse and cat evolution#paleontology#emma posts#I like juice all year though#one day I want to try many varieties of fruits that I cannot access easily where I live because they can’t be shipped here#or they just aren’t as popular a variety on an industrial scale#maybe one day i will have a big greenhouse and i will be able to grow the banana varieties I want to try#I can see why some plant varieties aren’t grown on a large scale. some of these bitches are SUPPOSED to be able to grow in zone four but#they refuse to work with me! blueberries make sense. the soil here is nowhere near acidic enough and they would need to be in a pot or#whatever. ya know? but some plants just won’t! or I get them and then the weather here which would NORMALLY work is different that season
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boutta start ordering rocks online again just to feel alive
#im joking#but also man my days are so boring right now#struggle to wake up at 5;30 stumble out of bed at 8 maybe if i'm lucky#stare at computer screen listlessly and maybe get stuff done#most exciting part of my day is when i get to chat with my bf for a little bit in the afternoon#and then when people get home so i get to say hi for a few minutes b4 they're off doing stuff (fair)#and then i get ready to go to bed at 9:20pm after i feed my cat and it begins anew#i have got to get back into one of my hobbies or something the tedium is getting to me rly badly#need 2 get that work desk so i can do crafts in the craft room or make one idc#also the weather has been truly abysmal since we moved#hot and in the 90s and obscenely humid so i can't really muster up the willpower to want to go on a hike#augh#personal stuff#i think it's also bc i was just on an amazing fun 5000 mile road trip where i was constantly looking at new stuff and talking and having fu#and now im home and its boring here and i can't look at mesas and kiss my boyfriend and do fun activities all day every day#its like my brain is a rubber band that was stretched to the max over the course of that trip by sheer amount of enrichment#and now that i'm back home the amt of enrichment is so so much less that the brain rubber band is just loose n floppy#at least for now while it gets used to what is a much more normal amount of enrichment
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Suffering from the epic highs and lows of having a uterus
#ignoreme.jpg#i hadnt had cramps like the ones i did today in YEARS#like wanting to throw up from the pain bad#we are back to mild now#but a hot water heater on my tummy in 30°C weather isnt all that fun
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idk how to start this so this post is ab individual action, trying to motivate positive change in the world, etc etc
a lot of growing up in the US for me makes things feel more scary than they are. like it’s actually not that difficult to go out of your way to get a bottle of water or iced cup of water from some random drive through if you think you should do it. either fast food conglomerate or local actually, it’ll usually be cheaper than 5 dollars to get drinkable water. i try to have 5-10 dollars i can justify spending on water, and asking for change, because sometimes when i’m out driving i need to go grab water.
i do not do this for me as much as i try to do it specifically when i see someone who’s most likely homeless on a street corner. i’m sure one day i might do this and they might not be there when i come back, but what have i lost really? a bit of time and a bit of money that would’ve meant more to them, that i can hold onto until i see them next.
the pressure that a lot of people feel when they think “what can i do” comes from this grand narrative that the average citizen can singlehandedly fix the housing crisis. rich people? maybe. nonprofits? not in a day, not all one person still. what can i do is a question i ask a lot. what can i do, not just because it feels bad to move along like nothings wrong with the world, but what can i do that will do anything. what can i do that makes even the smallest change.
i feel like it took me too long to figure out a personal method to what i consider individual action. it’s taking time to get to my own financial stability to be able to do more. but for now it’s as simple as water and cash. not water and food, but water and cash.
individual action means a lot in small steps, go get a bottle of water bare minimum and the price of a meal if you can and then just give it to them. if it wasn’t such a miserably hot place where i live i would keep a pack of water in my car, which i still want to do for the sake of having immediate access to water to give someone who might need it- hot or cold sometimes won’t matter. but when it’s hot out, get cold water, if it’s cold out, a warm tea will hydrate more than coffee will as long as it’s not super caffeinated.
#very genuinely i’ve always felt paralyzed by the idea i cannot doing anything to help and on the grand scale i kind of can’t#i can’t give someone a house to stay in where i could take care of the space enough to get someone back on their own feet#but i can give someone water and some money for whatever they need#one day i’ll be able to do more but for now. water bottles and cash.#what i want to say here is everyone knows bare necessities and everyone knows ways to get them#i also have an opinion that you should sit with and hold the harsh feeling of seeing the world fall apart and help people survive anyway#idfk man#i’ve met some extremely fucking jaded people in my time at college who seem to have no way to piece together that they can do SOMETHING#one of my classmates once complained about feeling bad about not doing anything for a guy on a corner and i recognized who#because i’d seen him too and done nothing at least 5 times before one day on the way home i gave him all the cash i had on me#she’d said she’d do more if she wasn’t so scared and anxious of being hurt. i don’t see how he could even look harmful or dangerous#he blessed me and offered a hug and asked me to have a good day and said thank you and i still can’t see why she was scared of him#at the same time i hadn’t done anything until i saw myself in someone else and thought it looked nasty. looked uncaring.#i saw him again today and gave him a water bottle and all the cash i had on me. i told him the weather seemed hot#he agreed with me and he took the bottle of water#i think i interrupted him opening it to hand him the rest#he got up and he blessed me again#offered a hug and more thank you’s and it’s so simple but i felt us both human in that moment. talking about the weather in a brief exchange#wishing each other well as we go different ways#he wouldn’t stop thanking me and wishing me well#i told him it was the smallest thing i think anyone could do and i still walked away hollow wishing to have done more somehow#to suddenly own an apartment complex nearby for him and anyone he knew that needed it too#not a rigid shelter but a place to make home#blah blah blah talking too much about a deed done because i get emotional about humanity#tauto talks
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i have obtained a SIGNIFICANT and POTENTIALLY CARCINOGENIC BIOHAZARD and im BEYOND EXCITED ABOUT THIS
#the bhiohazard in question? a couple of nastyass turnouts!!!! a jacket and some pants!!!!!#yeah theyre sitting abt three feet away from me but dw!!! theyre in a big garbage bag so its ok ^-^#basically the EMT program (that im almost done with. as a side note but woot woot) is selling their old student ambulances#since theyre a bitch to maintain and we have a newer indoors simulator (its like. the back of an ambulace built into a room)#(like the back and one of the sides are open and it doesnt have a drivers compartment (duh) and no tires but is otherwise a Real Ambulance#which we use for practicing)#anyways so these old student ambulances gotta get cleaned out before they can be sold yeah?#and as it HAPPENS!! theyve been storing a SHIT TON of nasty filthy smelly turnouts in there for the past While#like probably 12-16 Large garbage bags full#(for those who dont know: turnouts are what those fucking. firefighter uniforms are called. like the ones they wear In Fires)#and they dont know what to do with them so theyre gonna get thrown away next week#so my TEACHER!!! was like 'yall if anyone Wants any of that shit you can literally just help urself'#so i went down today and poked thru some bags and GOT STUFFS!!!#anyways i am excited not only bc Turnouts Cool but ALSO bc theyre Super Fucking Insulated#bc theyre meant to be worn inside Massive and Super Hot fires#which yeah protects u from extreme heat but my GENUOS BRAIN also realized this: they would be STUPID COZY in cold weather#and i happen to be moving to a rather cold part of the states in a few months!!!!#so now i have free winter gear and its EXTRA SEXY STYLE#however u CANNOT clean turnouts at home bc#a) they gotta be washed with Extra Strong Industrial Fucking Machines#(called 'extractors' not 'washing machines')#and b)#they can and WILL leech nasty fucking toxins from structural fires into your machine and contaminate everything forever <3#so ive reached out to some 'send away' turnout laundry services#idk if theyre gonna do it tho cuz um. im Not associated with a fire department <3#so if that fails ill just do the best i can at home!!! <- research mode Engaged#either way theyre sexy and Yes i can still smell them despite them being bagged in a Super Rugged Industrial Manly Garbage Bag#(i didnt tie it super tight)#btu thats ok whats life without Danger <3#whatever the fuck
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I need this stupid app to not threaten to melt my phone whenever I use it please
#literally burning my fingers while browsing it’s so hot#making my phone do glitches I’ve never even heard of#NOOO I DONT WANT THE WEATHER TO GET 100 DEGREES AGAIN TURN IT BACK TO COLD#I MISS MY SWEATER WEATHER#medi bee talking
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it's been a hot minute since I've been this physically uncomfortable somewhere I pay rent
#please please im begging you if youre too hot just open a window downstairs#its 53 fucking degrees outside and i am so god damn cold im getting ready to send myself back to my parents place#i agreed to 69-73 degrees not fucking 60#im sorry that it gets warmer downstairs#im sorry that id like more than 1 shelf in the pantry and half of a shelf in the fridge#im sorry that im thinking about bringing my tv upstairs and sending my couch back to my parents#im sorry that i hate taking you to work and back#im sorry that i hate my job and want to quit#im sorry that the things i want inconvenience you#and im sorry that i cant communicate any of this to you in a way that i feel would uphold the#kind (read: nonconfrontational) and caring (read: sacrificial)#nature i try and have#because i only ever feel like an inconvenience#and having wants and needs is antithetical to this persona#anyways with the weather changing its been so cold inside and out that my body is curling in on itself#so any progress made at the chiropractor is immediately fucking negated#and my back pain still returns#i want my suffering to fucking end please god#i cant fucking do this#why am i paying $600 to cry myself to sleep#and theyre STILL talking about getting a cat even though the lease specifically says we cant have pets (service animals aside)#shut up shut up this is making me hate being alive#i should not feel like this i need to get OUT
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