#i want a romantic relationship so bad
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Missed the opportunity to vote so imma just RB with how I am: im not sure what I want
pls reblog thank youuuuu and pls only vote if your are arospec or think you might be
#cause in the one hand like#i want a romantic relationship so bad#but i can't tell if its just because society has told me i should want it#also its rare to find someone else who values platonic love higher than romantic#at least irl#plus when it comes down to it im gonna say no to a romantic relationship#because its just not me#aromantic#aroace#aro
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Small vent
I'm scared to ever ask anyone out again, it seems like it's always gone wrong every time I've tried
#i want a romantic relationship so bad#maybe im just unlovable#personal vent#ill probably delete this later
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I desperately need more mentor uncle figures and mentor brother figures in DPxDC to fill the interesting relationship dynamic gap that father figures stories can't always fill are u picking up what I'm putting down. Hell, just a regular friendship relationship with absolutely 0 familial dynamic.
#the amount of fun relationships that could happen but dont bc everyone wants their boss to be their father figure is fine but saddens me#i plan to write a bunch more non father figure prompts in the near future but MAN OH MAN do yall KNOW#so to the 15 replies of “make the change you wanna see in the world” people: Im doing that alrighty yall im doing my bestttt#just how fun a brother like tim drake mentorship or a auntlike wonder woman relationship with Jazz to be????#the possibilities are endless!!!!#or just make them friends??? idk why there’s genuinely so little friendship fics with Bruce and Danny#bones speaks#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny phantom#I forgot to add this but additionally no romantic relationship ones! none of these are bad but it could be fun to flex other#writing muscles yk? try some fun platonic relationship dynamics out
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there are many kinds of love
TFTober 3 - Relationships
#gopher art#tf2 spy#scouts ma#tf2 engineer#tf2 scout#tf2 spyma#practical espionage#spydad#tftober#team fortress 2#conceptually that last one is kinda Double Agent adjacent but eh#Pragma = Enduring Love. Mania = Obsessive Love#Storge = Familial Love. Philautia = Love of the Self#this prompt was a wee bit of a struggle because I like so many ships- platonic and romantic both#but I fucking LOVE the variety in spy's relationship dynamics. I want to put him in the fucking blender so bad
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this is probably an unpopular opinion with the amount of "everyone is married with kids" type future aus people make for sonic characters but i cannot see sonic getting married or having a kid ever. if he did somehow end up with a kid hed be the worlds first transmasc absent father or however the joke goes
#i can only see sonic with a kid if its some random kid he accidentally adopted or whatever#and if he had a partner whatever they have going on probably wouldnt fit the typical idea of how having a partner works at all#i dont think sonic is a very romantic guy to be honest. and being in a serious relationship or ''settling down'' wouldnt be for him#i guess you could argue his feelings towards that sort of stuff could change once hes an adult#but i kinda. dont like. the idea of him suddenly becoming interested in romance and wanting to settle down#as a sign hes ''finally grown up'' or whatever. because lack of interest in romance isnt an immature trait you have to grow out of#some people never want that sort of thing and thats fine#anyway i dont hate fankids to be clear i think theyre fun in concept . like from a design standpoint#taking traits from characters you like to make a new guy out of it is fun#i just cannot imagine those things ever actually happening does that make sense#actually while im at it i dont think rouge would want kids at all either . people want her to be motherly so bad but she just is not#she is the cool older sister figure who teaches you how to steal from the pin container at hot topic without getting caught. not a mom
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okay, a couple things on alien stage/ivantill that I think some folks maybe need to consider and internalize.
Till does not "need" to return Ivan's feelings in the slightest if he doesn't feel that way. It's heart wrenching to see Ivan love him and have those feelings unreturned, but please remember that no one is required to return romantic feelings for someone else. You can't make yourself love someone, and you shouldn't. Especially out of guilt or obligation. That's Unhealthy 101, and would only set a relationship up for failure. (I do think Till cared about Ivan, and that he's going to have a Guilt Complex based on the fact that he didn't fully notice Ivan's feelings/care toward him until the guy died, but I've seen a couple of people tear into Till for not noticing/reciprocating Ivan's feelings??? Don't do that??? their situation is shitty, the fact that they didn't get to talk is shitty, but please don't blame Till for things he Can't Control.)
The kiss was not consensual. It wasn't meant to be portrayed as such. It wasn't even really romantic, it was a desperate, selfish act that Ivan used to get Till's attention (in more ways than one) and to give himself some sense of closure before he died. It was him saying everything that he felt at once, with no chance for Till to reciprocate or deny the affection. In a perfect world, they could have talked instead of this, maybe kissed knowing both wanted it, or given Till a chance to refuse. But they're both in the middle of an essential death tournament and one of them is going to be murdered sometime in the next few minutes. Neither of them really wants to live, but Ivan feels he has unfinished business before his sacrifice, so he finishes it. Their situation sucks. That doesn't mean the kiss was consensual. (especially considering the theory/implication that Till was/is being sexually assaulted by aliens, I wouldn't be surprised if this affects him badly in the future, for multiple reasons. Everyone should always get the chance to say "no" and have that fully respected. This also extends to the fact that Ivan died for Till without giving him a chance to stop it, which is probably going to mess with Till's head a lot. Then again, Ivan likely didn't think it would affect Till much because as far as he/we know, the feelings aren't reciprocated in this moment in canon, or are extremely repressed. Ivan might believe that Till simply hates him, or the kiss/subsequent "choking" may have been a way of trying to make Till hate him so that his death wouldn't hurt as much. Of course that thinking is flawed, because it would hurt Till no matter what, but still, it makes me sad)
Ivan... is kinda messed up. I adore him, but we've got to acknowledge that he has little to no emotional and relationship maturity due to the fact that he was quite literally raised as a pet and learned at a young age to do whatever his masters said to keep himself safe and pain-free. His fascination with Till appears to largely stem from Till's sense of rebellion. Ivan's examples of relationship dynamics and what constitutes as "love" is dangerously unbalanced, and he does not know how to build a healthy relationship. (Neither of them do.) This is also built onto the fact that the person he became dependent on only paid attention to him when they were fighting or Ivan was annoying him. Ivan cares about Till desperately, but he is also dangerously reliant on him to the point of self-detriment. Again, in an ideal world, they would be able to get out of this situation and gradually make a healthy relationship/friendship (depending on Till's feelings) over time while starting to undo the dangerous relationship patterns that they fell into when they didn't have any way to know better. But they're in a terrible situation, and Ivan really just doesn't get the chance to grow as a person and realize that his sense of possessiveness and reliance on Till's attention isn't healthy.
Basically, their situation makes me want to sob and its heart wrenching. Their circumstances have set them up for failure. Both of them are in the midst of attempting to survive an abusive situation and massive amounts of dehumanization. I beg, please try not to sanitize their complicated relationship or blame either of them for the pain the other is going through. I've seen some of that going around, and it's making me sad :(
#don't get me wrong i Adore both of them and i want them to be happy#i am so unwell about them#i think their relationship is both heart breaking and fascinating#and i would love to see them in a consensual romantic relationship#but some folks have been... taking some stuff too far#maybe i just have a case of 'no one understands my blorbos better than me'#but it's been bothering me#alien stage#ivantill#alnst ivan#alnst till#alnst#i could also go into how mizisua manages to be a bit healthier in bad circumstances and why#while also acknowledging that their relationship probably wouldn't be considered “healthy” in a different situation#and how the codependence v. dependance dynamic is working in this series#but this post was getting... beefy#and also idk if i'm going to get FLAMED for this or not so *shrugs*#tw sa mention#tw unhealthy relationship#dehumanisation tw
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When my joints and tendons ache so bad the fatigue sets in, I just long to be held tenderly, quietly, gently. Just. Let me soak in gentle touch, trick my brain into releasing Feel Good neurotransmitters to drive some of the pain and fatigue away. Let me rest with you.
#tiger’s roar#chronic illness#chronic fatigue#I want this so bad I could cry#and will probably sob with relief if I ever can get it#romantically or platonically#or queerplatonically#I just. don’t care#is it enough that I love you? pretty sure you love me?#are the boundaries finally set?#does the relationship have to be defined?#let me rest let me rest let me rest
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i will stop complaining now but trulyyyyyy what gets me is that. yes i have my own little fanon things but ultimately the largely-accepted fanon characterization is never as interesting as what’s actually happening on the show in canon. especially with regards to eddie’s sexuality!
#sorry but i find it very interesting and compelling that a man can have a child with a woman and deify her#in the enormity of his grief and anger and pain. and use her as the framework for his life moving forward#and also believe he likes women and can enjoy having sex with them and play at being in a relationship to the point that he’s worth#sticking out the most ridiculous shit for. but he can never actually develop an actual emotional romantic bond with them and he#denies himself the opportunity to ask why that is. meanwhile he is doing deranged antics with his best friend#and in theory he wants it to work so so bad because he wants love and partnership but in practice he never lets it get that far#sorry that is soooooo much more fun and way cooler than whatever boring eddie is a misogynist shit people pulled out of fanfiction
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It's so funny that purity culture is so bad in the lmk fandom, when like the main ships are shadowpeach and spicynoodles. Toxic yaoi with mutual discarding and a 500+ year old x someone usually head-cannoned as a teen.
#it's so so apparent people just want to moralize shipping#and make any ship they don't like morally bad#like it ain't slick#I think it'd be funny if Macaque and MK got into a relationship to spite Wukong actually. Especially during 1x09#That'd be so funny#Wukong and MK are soulmates anyways. Not romantic soulmates but#If someone wanted to write/ship that#whatever#imp tag#purity culture is weird#lmk#lego monkie kid#shadowpeach#spicynoodles
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I'm not aromantic but I am asexual and maybe demiromantic, and I just want to vent about how much love has hurt me. Not just in like the sense of heartbreak, but in like, the repercussions have always left me with trauma. I have had so many relationships ruined because someone claimed to love me and I didn't love them back. That hurts me just as much as it hurts them. Why is my loss of a friend less than their loss of a crush? Why is it fine that i am paranoid about people being attracted to me now? Just because their love was romantic, why does it have such value over my lack of it? Why can I not live with a roommate who I love and adore, who I bring gifts, who I support, without someone trying to bring romantic love into the equation? It is not. Why is that so hard to understand? Can i not have my best friend be my house husband without having to love him? It feels forced. I don't want it. I have fucking autonomy, except I don't, because i live in the states and my rights to my body are being rolled back. Must my rights to my own concepts of love be removed too? I can love in close, meaningful ways that do not require romance. I am bitterly critical of romantic love now. I don't understand it anymore. It makes me feel unsafe now. I am in a relationship but if i had to say i was in love i would claw my eyes out. I like him. But jesus christ that is not the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. Vulnerability is scary. My last girlfriend punched a hole in my wall, threw things at me, yelled at me, and more. She loved me and i loved her. Love isn't safe. And it makes me angry that I can't talk shit about it the way I can other things that have hurt me, because someone will always defend it. But it sucks. Seeing it on screen gives me the ick sometimes. When people kiss i feel sick to my stomach. When people talk about others being in it, I feel a flash of fear for them. Are they? Or are the trapped like I have been? Love is such a strong social force, it's hard to say no to someone who throws it at you. Or I feel angry. You don't know how they feel! I just. I hate scrolling tiktok because it's tiktok, and I only use it because I have friends on there, but I also hate it because the way people talk about love on the internet makes me itch.
#asexual#aromantic#rant brought to you by a tiktok i saw where someone knew two guys who were roomates and bought a house together and had movie nights#and was waiting for them to “hard launch their relationship”#maybe that's all they need though#i would feel so bad if my friends thought my relationship wasn't valid just because it was platonic#i would feel hurt and betrayed#maybe they don't want a#romantic relationship because they don't fucking need that to be happy with each other#it's really not to say#and of course everyone is like “ooh they were roommates”#yes? and???#love
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#this question is very hard for me to answer so obviously I have to torment everyone else with it#cause like. like I can really see the potential in either answer. both are feasible#I will say. most realistically. to me. edwin first charles harder#because I think…..I think the reasoning behind the other way around usually tends to be about how edwin absolutely was slower to bond and#open up in general whereas charles hit the ground fucking running#but i don’t think that particularly applies to their romantic relationship#if you mean ‘fell for’ in a general sense rather than a romantic one then yes 100%#but that’s not what im talking about here#I have a few different reasons but generally I think edwin fell first because like… the way he attached himself to charles and accepted him#as his person and etc is so unlike him to do with literally anyone- especially at the point where they first met/the first years they knew#each other. charles just seems to have hit him as something very very special and irreplaceable quite quickly for him to open up the way he#did and change and flourish into a fully realized person because of how safe and worthy charles made him feel#he took to charles with an unusual amount of ease and trust and I think that says something about how charles struck his heart Early#whereas with charles… yes on one hand he did stay on the mortal plane largely because of edwin and absolutely would’ve been impacted by the#tender act of mercy that was edwin reading to him as he died so he wouldn’t be scared. that’s absolutely what got him to trust edwin and to#want to be with him and protect him and so on#but charles would still do that and be like that under intense platonic circumstances I think#but most importantly I just think charles fell harder. when he fell is less important to me here- more important is that by GOD that boy is#down so fucking bad and outright SAYS IT in so many ways that he doesn’t realize– the sheer amount he restates how he’s content so long as#he’s with edwin. how he doesn’t want to be anywhere where edwin can’t follow. would and Did go to hell and back for him. believes him#to be the kindest and most incredible person he’s ever met. prioritizes him above anything and everything. etc etc etc#that’s not to say edwin doesn’t feel a similar amount of devotion– but charles just. really loves him with his whole person. loves him as a#fact of his existence and a piece of his very soul#idk man. it just feels like he is so incredibly smitten and he doesn’t even know it.#like I said though I can see both options and give reasons for both options so this question EATS at me I GENUINELY don’t have a super#strong feeling either is absolutely correct. it’s so difficult to answer they’re both so smitten and have such a history and GRAHHHH#payneland#dead boy detectives#rambling#polls
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I'm not allowed to be on social media for more than two seconds today but I just wanted to say that Laios will absolutely have his own reaction to all this as someone who would die for Falin but has also imprinted on Marcille as his Emotional Support Comphet White Girl Not-Girlfriend along the way
#a little creature#sometimes i look at the way i want marcille to be the closest thing hes ever had to a girlfriend but in a 100% platonic way and im like#is this what they mean by queerplatonic or have i just never had a dude best friend who wasnt like. a super fruity gay twink#anyway its gonna be as hard on him as it is for us bc he loves them both so much#the most important women in his life bar none#marcille probably slapped him when she got back tho. like she just saw his face and all the misdirected anger at him 'taking falin' just#rose up and burst again#its ok tho. you know she immediately broke down crying in his arms again blubbering incoherently bc she felt bad but also shes still mad#and she just doesnt know what to do with herself#the hardest part about this fic is that like. there are SO many juicy things going on offscreen#but. i have to breathe deep and keep calm and let them happen out of falin's POV#the ryoko kui method. what happens in the story happens and what happens outside can be explored in extras if need be#edit: also just figured out why ive been chafing a *little* bit against ppl assuming that it's the fear of falin dying that motivated#marcille's denial of her feelings so far#bc it's technically true but something just didn't sit right and i didn't wanna say anything until i figured it out#in little creature she has in part already realized that falin's passing is going to hurt no matter what she does right now#bc she's already passed the threshold of preemptive grief and sealed her own fate by how much she cares about falin#so it's not really... about that as much as it would have been during the canon story#it's just that. to acknowledge that she has romantic feelings for falin means recontextualizing their relationship in a way where#she has been the one hopelessly chasing while falin didn't realize/ignored her for the most part#and she couldnt allow that to be true both bc she couldnt bear to make falin the 'villain' in her love story#and bc she subconsciously knew the scope of pain would be too much for her to handle#so now my problem is. how do i make that clear in the fic from falin's POV without getting too heavy handed about it
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i hate being rejected all the time
#sigh#lovless alterhuman#nobody wants mee jxhsksbjsns#the longest romantic relationship I've ever had lasted 3 days 😃 👍#and everyone that I could “have a chance with” is my friends becausr they are the only people I talk to /gen#and they don't just see me and go “weird”#like they know I'm super weird but they are used to it or are almost as weird as me#but like all of them have their crushes and the people they are kinda dating#and yeah ik I have June but it's not official and djsjjdhsj#I want a partner SO BAD
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thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder
#akio and utena#m#long ramble in the tags sorry:#the thing about akio is that he's so evil bit he's also so human#he has feelings. i just don't know what they are (if anything) toward his victims#he loves anthy at the very least i'm sure of that. even if he hates her too. just like she loves and hates him. the lines are blurry.#and i just. i have to wonder whether any of that extends to utena at all. we know anthy at times feels similarly about utena and dios#(and akio by extension.) the simultanious love and resentment. so it's not too unlikely i think.#like. even though he never had anything but bad intentions in getting close to her#i'm not sure it's possible to do everything he did and feel nothing#not that he has any meaningful amount of guilt or remorse for it. i don't think that.#and i obviously don't think he “loved” her in any of the ways she might have thought he did#but did he not care at all? did he not feel any kind of fondness or sympathy or just. idk. pity? for her?#whatever the case it wasn't enough to reconsider having her killed so you know. how much does that actually matter anyway#idk. i think about it a lot. how abusers are rarely entirely indifferent toward their victims#the role he's playing in her life is so fucked up but it IS a role he's playing and i wonder how much he you know... internalizes it?#how much does he believe the illusion of family that he invites her into? because akio DOES often buy into his own illusions.#(similarly i think it's possible that akio is fond of touga too. their mentor-protégé relationship is horrible and abusive#but that doesn't make it less real. you know? maybe real is the wrong word.)#when he talks in episode 25 about wanting utena and anthy closer that's obviously so he can continue to groom her#but is there something genuine there too? i don't know.#again. it obviously does not make anything he does better or even different. but it is interesting to think about to me.#on the other side of that coin does seeing his own past youth and naivete and desire to do good that he (maybe) once had#reflected back at him through her mean anything?#is there resentment there? that she is what he couldn't be? or more likely he just thinks that idealism is stupid.#either way it's something he wants to take from her. anyway ramble over.#i talk a lot about utena's feelings toward akio (familial vs romantic love and the way the two are intertwined in fucked up ways)#but not much the other way around. probably because utena is actually a sympathetic character whose feelings the show very clearly#wants you to analyze and think about.#which is... less true for akio i think. though he's still a complex character with complex motives. he's just harder to get a grasp on.
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can anyone else relate to getting flash bombed by lucalva art when searching for media between either of them. this is horrible
#this is why i have blocked yhe tag on tumblr. for all names of this ship#IYS SO BAD WHY WOULD UOU SHIP YJIS#Not even gonna be like a “ohh em ship what u want but leave me out of it”#its more like a#HE KNEW HIS FATHER??? before he was BORN?? why is that concrete grounsa for a romantic relationship#like the scene from twighlight#yuck!#arenblab#literally ignore this#those same people will turn around and say they're uncomfortable with halva.#like idc as long as u dont ship lucalva. because one of those is reasonable#and yhe other makes alva look like a cradle robber#jsyk#this happens especially on pinterest.
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If you want to feel good about J/C in Prodigy, I suggest listening to this interview which is great and has the completely opposite vibe from what's Kate been saying.
#janeway x chakotay#star trek prodigy#set a course for season 3#like I can't believe it but Beltran makes me advocate for Season 3#also he doesn't make the shippers feel bad for wanting it to finally become canon#which is really important when considering the shippers basically saved S2#he sounds a lot more rational in his interviews than Kate and doesn't hold this weird grudge against romantic relationships#nor does he cling to outdated tropes#he just wants an exploration of their intimacy whatever that is#something that was promised but we never really gotten it in S2#also the fact that he turned down Picard for that horrid plotline#he knows what he's doing#knowing how he was on Voyager I feel he's so protective of Chakotay as a character#maybe even more so than Kate is of Janeway#because he didn't have a problem saying no to bad plotlines such as the Picard one#I genuinely think that if they listen to him for S3 that everyone will be happy with the outcome
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