#i want a laptop that can do things like actually
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always and (not) forever - ʀᴀꜰᴇ ᴄᴀᴍᴇʀᴏɴ.
PAIRING : rafe cameron x reader
SUMMARY : rafe breaks up with you right after you get accepted to stanford university.
WARNING(S) : angst, swearing, not really proofread
A/N : can you tell i just watched to all the boys: always and forever? (divider by @roseraris )
WC : 0.7k
masterlist.
Your heart’s pounding more and more as you click on the email you just got.
It’s late at night, only the crickets outside accompanying your growing emancipation. You squeeze the hem of your pajama shirt, biting your lip almost to blood.
This is the moment you’ve been waiting for forever— the week of acceptance letters from Stanford.
You can’t really remember when exactly you decided that a university across the whole country was good for you. It just… happened.
Your boyfriend, Rafe, wasn’t particularly excited for you to study so far away since he wanted to go to the one in-state. You managed to convince him that you’ll be well.
The email is long, but after the first words, you don’t even bother reading more. You got in.
A scream escapes your lips, quickly muffled by your hands. You sit there wide-eyed, the faint light of your laptop’s screen falling on your face.
“Oh my God.”
You immediately grab your phone, trembling fingers dialing Rafe’s number. He answers faster than the first ding.
“What’s up, baby?” His voice’s a little raspy and low as if he was falling asleep.
“I got into Stanford,” you whisper, the words feeling unreal once they leave your mouth. “Can you believe it, Rafe?”
There’s a silence, followed by a hum. “That’s… great. I mean, you’re happy, right?”
“Yeah, of course!”
There’s a silence— a moment where you can let your emotions cool off a bit, followed by Rafe clearing his throat.
“Actually… Can we meet?”
You knit your eyebrows. His voice is steady but distant. Something you haven’t heard in a while. “Like, right now?”
Rafe hums in response, and you feel the confusion bubbling up. “Well, if you want to you can come over, but be quiet. My parents are asleep.”
“I’ll be there in five.”
You hang up the phone, your hand lingering as you glance at the laptop screen.
Was Rafe overthinking this whole ‘distance’ thing once again?
You’ve already told him a million times that it will work out. So why the sudden change of mind?
You slip your feet into your slippers and grab a hoodie you throw on on the stairs.
The light from Rafe’s motorcycle flashes through the windows, a quiet buzz filling the natural silence. You quickly open the door and get outside, a chilly breeze hitting your bare legs.
“What’s wrong?” You ask, crossing your arms on your chest.
Rafe takes off his helmet and looks at the ground. “I think we should break up before you go to Stanford.”
You grimace, scrunching your nose. “What are you talking about? Rafe, we’ve been through this. I know it’s hard to be this long distance, but we can do it—”
“No.” The word comes out of his mouth so quickly, you gasp under your breath. “Honestly, how do you see that? Going from what we are now, from me getting to your door in five fucking minutes to seeing each other once God knows how much time?”
“But… you agreed to that earlier…”
“I was wrong,” Rafe says as quietly as a whisper, his voice cracking. “I’m not going to watch it all fall apart in two, four, or even six months. It’s better if we just end it now.”
You squeeze your arms and clench your jaw so tight it almost hurts.
How dare he just stand there, not even looking at you, as your life seems to split in two?
“Don’t say that, Rafe. You don’t mean it…” You say, your voice is small, but you know better than this. Rafe doesn’t just say things.
“I do.”
Two words. Those two words were enough to let the tears pushing onto your eyelids fall.
“Are you serious? After all we’ve been through, you leave me because of some stupid belief that we will not make it?” You sigh, anger spilling out with each breath you take.
“Go, Rafe. I don’t want to see your face.”
He inhales sharply as if you just slapped him. Maybe you should’ve done that. Instead, you turn on your heels and storm into the house, not giving Rafe another glance.
All you hear is the engine running, and the quiet sound of your heart breaking.
taglist :
@amterasuu
#mayanneaa#outer banks#obx#outerbanks#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron imagine#rafe fluff#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe outer banks#rafe cameron outer banks#rafe cameron#rafe fanfiction#rafe x reader#rafe fic#rafe cameron angst#rafe cameron ff#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron obx#rafe obx#obx rafe cameron#outer banks x reader#outer banks fanfiction#obx x reader#outerbanks rafe#rafe imagine#rafe outerbanks#university#college#stanford university#sarah cameron
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EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE
— KAI ANDERSON x f!reader
warnings — voyeurism ‧ kai being a perv ‧ very suggestive ‧ MDNI 18+ jackie’s note — tried a different writing style since it’s mostly conversation. hope it’s in character….
“you should change your brand of deodorant.”
the sentence is so mundane it barely registers. you stab at your food, half-listening.
“what?”
“that shit is cancerous,” kai states mildly. he chews thoughtfully. swallows. “you don’t want breast cancer, do you? you wouldn’t be able to breastfeed our baby if you did.”
your fork pauses mid-air. you blink.
“our what?” kai looks at you then, tipping his head, like you’re the one saying something strange. “hypothetically,” he says, waving a dismissive hand. “future tense.”
your stomach twists—not at the words themselves, but at the way he says them. easy. certain. like the thought of you nursing his child is already set in stone. he’s just being practical.
“how do you know what deodorant i use?”
he shrugs. “i pay attention.”
—
you find it that night.
tucked neatly into the corner of your room, angled to catch everything.
a tiny black lens, reflecting the light when you lean in.
you go still. then cold.
you rip it from the wall
—
you storm into his room, shoving the camera in his face.
“the fuck is this, kai?”
he barely glances up from his laptop before looking back down.
“looks like a camera.”
“no fucking shit. why was it in my room?”
his fingers tap against the keyboard. “do i really need to explain that to you?”
his calmness makes it worse. you want him to panic. you want him to lie, at least—pretend this isn’t what it is.
“so i can keep an eye on you.”
“keep an—” you cut yourself off, staring at him. “you are actually insane.”
he hums, noncommittal. “or just prepared.”
“you had no right—”
“relax.”
kai leans back in his chair, stretching, exhaling through his nose like he’s already bored of this conversation.
“it’s not like you haven’t enjoyed the attention.”
“i haven’t enjoyed anything about you spying on me—you’re insane!”
“am i? or are you just mad that i know all the dirty things you do when you think no one’s watching?”
he smiles. fingers drum against the desk.
“oh yeah. i’ve seen what you get up to at night.“
heat creeps up your neck. your skin prickles.
“laying there all quiet, thinking no one’s watching. but you can’t keep still, can you?” he tilts his head, eyes glinting. “legs rubbing together, then that hand slipping under the sheets, moving so fucking slow. teasing yourself. getting frustrated. biting your lip, trying so hard not to make a sound.”
your jaw clenches. you want to hit him.
“you always break, though.” he licks his lips. “always start panting real soft, hips rocking up, so so desperate. and when you finally get there? god.” he exhales, shaking his head, like he’s actually impressed. “you’re so fucking pretty when you cum.”
you feel sick. his voice, the easy, clinical way he’s talking about it, about you. like he’s narrating some goddamn documentary.
“you make these little whimpering sounds—” his head tips back against the chair, lashes fluttering. “like you’re not even fully aware you’re doing it.”
you want to fucking kill that bastard.
kai watches you, taking in the way you shift on your feet like you don’t know whether to run or swing at him.
“it’s kinda hot, actually.” he grins. “you getting all embarrassed, knowing i’ve been watching this whole time. getting off to you getting off.”
he tugs his bottom lip between his teeth, eyes flicking over you, hungry. “wanna know how many times i came to it?”
“shut the fuck up.”
“nah, i think you wanna know.”
he leans in, resting his elbows on his knees, watching you like he’s daring you to react.
“i could tell you exactly which night you got yourself off the hardest.” his voice is lower now, almost thoughtful. “you remember it? probably not. but i do.”
he tilts his head, mock-thoughtful. “i could show you the footage if you need a refresher.”
your skin is burning. rage, shame, horror—twisting together, churning in your gut. kai watches your reaction closely, his smile widening like he’s savouring every sweet second of your humiliation.
“you kept whining into your pillow, i heard you say my name, too.” he huffs a soft laugh, shaking his head. “so desperate, so fucking needy. you came twice. back to back. shit was crazy.” he spreads his hands, like he’s telling an interesting story. “could’ve busted right there just watching. actually, i did.”
you lunge before you can stop yourself, shoving him, hard. the chair skids back.
kai just laughs.
“god, you’re fun.”
fear-is-truth 2025 — all rights reserved. do not modify, repost, translate, or plagiarise my content.
#american horror story#ahs#kai anderson#ahs cult#kai anderson x reader#kai anderson x y/n#kai anderson smut#evan peters#ahs kai#evan peters x reader#ahs fandom
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What laptop manufacturers think people want:
What people actually want:
Seriously!
Like, what happened to 4:3? Websites and word processors work with VERTICAL SCROLLING. That means we want more VERTICAL SPACE.
What happened to buttons on the trackpad? The smooth square is bullshit. Bring back buttons. Also there should be a scroll wheel beside the trackpad.
Why are laptops so thin nowadays? Where's the sturdiness? Where's the space to put things?
What happened to the io? I WANT MORE USB. I should not have to buy an adapter to have enough USB ports.
Disc drives! SD card readers! Why did they leave?? Put them back.
And easily removable batteries!! That should be common again!! If the battery stops carrying enough charge, anyone should be able to replace it easily.
Also, like, why are laptop speakers consistently so ass? Make them good!
Keyboards should have more buttons! Un-merge the function keys and the, like, volume and brightness control keys. More buttons more better.
Why is there usually only a power button? Put a sleep button next to it!!
#please i'm begging#i want a laptop that can do things like actually#I don't care about laptops being thin and pretty. give me HEFT and MORE FEATURES.#ignore the wonky angles I'm 1) not a visual artist and 2) had the hubris to draw in pen#computers#computer#tech#technology#linux
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[ID: a digital drawing of Sandra Lynn and Fig from Fantasy High. They're sitting on the roof of the hangvan at night and sharing cloves and a flask of whiskey. They're leaning on Baxter. The sky is clear and the stars visible. End ID]
#sandra lynn faeth#figueroth faeth#d20 fantasy high#fantasy high#fhsy#I was doing a sandra lynn sketch page and decided to make a whole thing of the one i liked best#fig faeth#the way im obsessed with that woman. me and the blorbo with completely different problems to mine#it can be so personal#i need to make a switch to my new laptop stat so i can actually use a keyboard and write fanfic#Not to jinx myself but i want to make an animatic of that whole scene#They mean so much to me#sandra lynn the beautiful mess you are#Rewatching fh and what a delight#I love those little guys and then drama ridden parents
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A lil guy !
#honkai star rail#dan heng#genuinely have a million things i wanna draw and then zero energy#so dan heng in a hoodie#now i gotta go get dinner sooooo maybe that will give energy and then i can draw more of what i actually wanna draw#but i kinda spent like ... hours ? talking to my mom earlier today#since shes been in the hospital for many many days#so i was catching her up on whats been goin on and showed her silly lil videos#and telling her how hyped i was for summer hrid and she (very patient with my fe talk)#was like you always tell me about banners being bad so it must have made you REALLY happy to say the whole banner is good#and im like yeah and i had multiple people on multiple sites like hey salmon/moeblob did ya see the banner#and she was like thats so cool that people acknowledge who you like and im like yeah it is p cool#and then i told her how mad i was at the absolutely criminal act of limiting how you can watch clue (1985 hit movie)#like i told her yeah sure i own it twice on dvd and once on itunes and that the only way to watch those#are either desktop or ps2 and how i dont have access to my itunes email#and i dont have it on my laptop so i sadly would have to rebuy the movie on itunes under a new acct#then i said how i loved that it was free to watch with ads on yt and id watched it twice that way#but then recently wanted to watch it on there but laptop and hoo boy you have to buy or rent it now#so i v angrily was like fine whatever ill do the thing and leave my room and go watch it on my moms tv#while she isnt around and use her amazon prime where it should be included except ! IT WASNT!#YOU HAVE TO HAVE PRIME TO BUY OR RENT IT NOW TOO!#HOW ARE THEY DOING THIS AND WHY ! who in the world is watching this movie so much that isnt me that they have to charge for it now#on all platforms unless you straight up pirate it#and hey why would i of all people be needing to pirate a movie i own physically two times and digitally once#this is literally a personalized attack to me#and my mom was like i understand how you feel cause yeah thats really weird to do to a 1985 movie#and im like yes exactly i have morals and principles that make me opposed to this and its v maddening#and she said she understood and its ok next time we are having power issues and i have to shut down#that if i really wanna watch it i can rent it on her amazon account and i looked at her and shes like oh you feel v strongly about this#and i do! I HAVE HAD IT GIFTED TO ME TWICE ! I BOUGHT IT ONCE! WHY DO I HAVE TO RENT IT FOR MORE MONEY!
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The nsfw artists are taking too long to get those file rips of the Hex. I need povs of my hips getting pulverized by the Hex ladies.
These aren't necessarily the in-game models and unfortunately they probably don't come with bones (who wants to start a Garry's Mod WF RP server together) or textures obviously, but there is the minifig models FOR FREE that could probably be edited to Hell and back until someone rips/datamines the official in-game protoframe hex syndicate models for SFM and other uses.
https://www.warframe.com/news/printable-protoframe-miniatures-from-hoku-props
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/19M3AR8nP2zbKwsR2QXZrkZytB1U-cOY0?usp=sharing
#I wish someone would hurry up and snag them too anon i feel you 😔#if anyone wants the hex syndicate protoframes 3D models ripped we have these for free until someone gets the ACTUAL ones#they look seemingly a bit less detailed and adding wiggle bones to the hair is probably gonna be Hell but here you go for now#not as good as the real thing but useful for people who want tiny hex women or men to paint and own for any purposes#idk how hard it is to model paint on the computer but i know the naruto storm community has tools for it and it's probably a matter of#file conversion from one type to the next to the next. you'd have to add transparency and eyes to Amir but yeahhh you could do something#with the stuff we've been given in theory though idk if anyone has sat down and dedicated time to rigging and ripping these models yet#you'd have to add eyes to aoi eleanor lettie as well as the boys too seemingly as i don't see eyes textured on in the img#I mean like the circle part in the eyes; but I also don't have a model viewer that can read STL files on this laptop so im not 100% sure#someone feel free to look into this for me who runs unreal engine and other types of software that allow for model viewing and editing#mod rose#warframe confession#warframe 1999#warframe#nsft#the hex#warframe hex#eleanor nightingale#leticia garcia#aoi morohoshi
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now that i'm playing dragon age: veilguard i understand hbomberguy so much better. think i could probably do a 3.5 hours long video called "dragon age: the veilguard is FINE and here's why"
#the writing in dragon age has Always been a bit clunky it's part of the charm#but yes there are sections in DAV that made me go “oh nooo”#but no it isn't as bad as people say#the mechanics are fun idc. it's bad that my new laptop can run all of BG3 fine but becomes laggy as hell in any city location in DAV tho#companions r generally charming and they're all professionals so it makes sense they're less prone to big fights than say DAO morrigan#but yes i do miss having a bit more tension in the party sometimes#the character creator is great for dudes but yea it would probably b cool if it were possible to have curvier bodies for those who want tha#but no it isn't literally impossible to make good-looking rooks. it's quite easy actually#and like yeah you can't have wildly out there body types but it's pretty cool that you can be a geralt type a twink or chubby as a dude#(i play male characters and have only done the female cc once for a custom f!inquisitor so i have more experience w that one)#the qunari also look. fine? the antaam don't look too soft or anything so far#the majority of complaints against this game were stupid and not rooted in anything real#BUT!!! i don't love it#solas continues to be a highlight#lucanis is great so far and i love neve#neve's voice acting is amazing#she manages to make some very disappointing lines sound good#but..... i can't pretend the writing *isn't* awkward in places#d'meta's crossing stands out to me as a pretty bad case of overly direct storytelling#(spoilers) talking to the mayor was deeply disappointing! he just TOLD rook what he did and why. it felt so anticlimactic#especially bc the imagery in the village was striking and grotesque#but there didn't feel like there was any payoff#other sections have been great#but DAV just feels like it completely lacks subtlety at times#the other DA games haven't always been masters of show dont tell but this section felt like a first draft#like someone was working out the story and didn't have time to polish the script at all before the voice actors were called in#idk it really stands out to me as bad#also yeah it's noticeable that you don't really get to do evil things. at least not yet
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do you happen to have any psds saved for the cat skins? i love how high quality yours are and would like to make my own custom patterns, i understand if not tho!
I will not be releasing the psds as they are, because they're large files and they are not set up in a way that would make them easy for someone else to use. They're also 100% painted from scratch and I'll admit to feeling kind of protective over them, since releasing a template for recolors pretty much immediately relinquishes any further control over what's done with them. I could see maybe releasing a template for personal use in the future but I'd need to think about how I'd want to go about that and reorganize the layers etc into something easier to parse.
#like I can write as detailed a TOU as I want but it's effectively an honor system#I can't actually DO anything if somebody paywalls a thing they made with/for the digilegs all I can really do is be like 'please do not'#in the case of the digilegs it's worth it#because those were designed from the start to be versatile and modular and I want them to function as a tool for cc cross-compatibility#the feline skins were mainly a thing I made for myself and my own ocs that got unexpectedly popular#so I feel a bit different about them#forgive me if this is rambling I have a migraine right now but if I don't answer now I WILL forget about it for a month#no I should not be on my laptop with a migraine but I am. bored#I have the brightness all the way down#if I just stopped everything I was doing every time i got a migraine I'd have to do that too much
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dip pen ink comm batch 4 complete! for Ezechiel, @ohwwhuv, and Leo :]
#bakuspecial#commission art#the grayscale for these were done on a train with my laptop track pad fksdjhf it was! manageable! but not desirable condition#that was before I got my new current tablet too... thank you my old huion. you served me well. Im so sorry I chipped ur paint to shit#ngl the texture on the new one's better off the bat. the grip's better and it has good kinetic feedback#too bad abt the touch buttons tho... I was confident I could make use of them but alas#things need actual feelable buttons again please I can Not tell where anything is when Im drawing and cant look at the tablet#my eyes are on the screen!! Im bad at gauging distance!!! please give me buttons I can find in the dark. please#even the old huion which has actual buttons I still couldnt use them. bc theyre not raised#theyre flat to the tablet's surface. you know what I shouldve tacked raised stickers on them I was stupid there#well! the more u learn. the more u learn#I'm happy with the current tablet tho!! buttons stuff aside it's nice to draw on. and thats what important. wrists dont hurt no more#almost said ''I miss the wacom eraser end" I don't. not really. every time I used that thang I was like wow you are so imprecise and blunt#litcherally why would you want basically a mappable stylus end but it's 50 times the size of a normal nib and you cant see where ur drawing#especially on a screen tablet. the dynamic there makes absolutely no sense#I can really do the same thing now by mapping one of the stylus buttons to swap foreground color to transparency#anyways. this has been my testimonies on tablets. in the tags of a dip pen ink post lmao#well! this is a late post I shouldve posted this before art fight. thank u again to that anon who reminded me#have a good day lads! we can answer emails together. hands in professional hands
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going to attempt to rip the season 6 blu ray to an .iso with my ps3 wish me luck lol
#FINALLY got my hard drive formatted to fat32 so i had enough space to store it#hoping to god this works and i can run it as if the disc is in my laptop to rip it#im basically working off a hunch i have no idea whether thisll work#but theres no way in hell im spending upwards of $200 on a blu ray drive for my pc just to rip this thing#gonna require a shitload of extra work but if it DOES work with 6 im going to go ahead and buy season 8 on blu ray too#just rrrreally do not want to spend $80+ on season 8's blu ray if i could grab the dvd for like $30 and actually rip that#ada speaks
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I actually realized i hate work. Won't be putting any effort into this anymore ♡
#sure whatever#it's funny because when i applied there i really really wanted this job#and it had nothing to do with that one person i got a little overly attached to#and when i started working there it was fine but i think really the only reason i liked it was because of that colleague#and now he's gone there's only annoying things left#also maybe i got too cuddled by him because he's always had my back until now#but i have to try to get things from the design team now and they just straight up ignore me lmao#like. my colleague asked me last week if i could ask them to edit some images which i did and they ignored me for 2 days#then HE sent them a follow up message and surprise surprise the images were there within 30 minutes#now again. he asked me to request some images and then built them into the journal#i request them. i hear nothing back. i send a follow up saying it's kinda important. i get nothing#oh well sorry man. guess you'll have to do that yourself after all (:#(i think it's really nice he's trying to give me so much more responsibility and all but if he's not there to back me up#it's literally not working because Everyone Is Ignoring Me :)))#also two weeks from now I'll be alone in our office because my other colleague who's in the same office as us#has announced she's gonna go share the office with someone else because she's gonna be alone otherwise#lol thanks#also some other shit someone posted in the group chat today which really pissed me off#AND the fact i got ignored AGAIN when i asked for work :) like bitches. i literally just watched netflix on my private laptop#while wiggling the mouse on my work laptop until i got off lmao#i won't go to the office tomorrow either#i was gonna go but i can't do shit there if i get ignored again#at least at home i can do whatever i want when they decide i should just get money for wasting my time ♡#i might actually just not work tomorrow#I'll probably log in just to see if there's any updates on the images situation but if not I'll fuck right off#fun times#(also maybe just maybe I'm generally a little negative these days. that may play into it. I'm sensing that sweet summertime blues ♡#((who cares if it's because of my father's death or because of my colleague's going away or because of general existential despair due to#university.... i'm just annoyed) )#void screams
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Ughhhhhhh I hate writing and I hate not writing and I hate myself
#nearly bought a digital typewriter today. actually i DID buy a digital typewriter today. officially yes i have bought a digital typewriter.#the money for the digital typewriter has left my account but i have emailed them to cancel the order because i can't in good faith buy#a digital typewriter when i don't fucking WRITE#i thought it might help me get back into it. distraction free and while allowing me to not judge my own writing#and be continuously editing while i write and going 'i'm crap i'm crap i'm crap no one will ever read this and if they do they will think#that i'm garbage and that i should feel bad etc etc etc'#but it's too expensive and i have the feeling i wouldn't even like or use the thing once i got it#because the IDEAS! the ideas aren't coming to me. or rather they are but none of them seem to stick#i feel underconfident in writing any of them#and then i have old projects that i've always wanted to get back to like the tennis romance thing but SO much has changed since i first#started drafting it. like i don't even know if i like the main couple anymore. i kind of want to put both of them with different OCs of min#but it'd switch up the WHOLE story if i had a different cast#in fact most of the problem lies in the fact that i have this long-running bedtime story i tell myself every night with lore#and a massive cast of characters that i switch out depending on who i'm most interested in right now and every so often i incorporate new#themes and ideas and motifs and plot points sometimes based on media i've been watching because it's MY bedtime story and it doesn't matter#if i plagiarise in my own brain. but then obviously i can't plagiarise in real life#and none of my bedtime stories are GOING anywhere. sometimes i only get through a scene or two before i fall asleep#all of which means my bedtime story is not so much a sweeping epic novel but a sitcom with way too many characters#most of which are werewolves to be honest and sometimes for my own wish fulfilment one of them will walk out of my head#and take care of my problems for me by lending me £1million or murdering my best friend's ex. in my mind obviously#so it's like. it's a case of getting in there and annexing off the stuff i think i can use#it's like yeah i've definitely written several romance novels in my head in the process of this but does it matter if they're IN my HEAD#to be honest i feel like my main strength is in creating characters. like i have this one family of werewolves i've been slowly but surely#adding members to since i was like 16. maybe younger? no yeah i think i made the first one when i was 12#they're compelling to ME anyway. i care about them. it's just PLOTS. i can't plot#if a book could just be a lot of dialogue and sex scenes and silly moments and character studies i'd be alright#i also can't describe settings. don't ask me to because i can't#and now i'm just annoyed with myself because i sat down at my laptop to try to write and instead i'm here complaining about how i don't wri#and if i had the digital typewriter... i mean i'd probably still be doing this i'd just no longer have £300#i don't have the £300 anyway. i hope to christ they refund my card i'm a fucking idiot
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brings you to the lavender farm¹ that the bear² is from and takes you through the fields looking at all the different types of lavender before having some lunch at the farm cafe and getting you some lavender ice cream to try out (i'm sure you're interested by the sound of it and yes it is pretty good^^) and then takes you to the gift shop for you to look through at anything else you might like so i can get it for you:> and just has a lovely day together:3
1. https://lyndochlavenderfarm.com.au/
2. https://lyndochlavenderfarm.com.au/products/lavender-bear?_pos=1&_sid=90127ddf4&_ss=r
uhm, yeah <3
:O a fun outing!!!!! there are so many cool different types of lavender i never knew... and not all of them are purple! i only thought lavender came in. well. lavender so seeing different colors is really cool...i especially like the hidcote pink and munstead, very pretty! i am running through the fields and picking flowers if they would let me pick flowers if they don't i am admiring their beauty without taking anything ^^ you're right actually i would love to try lavender ice cream! and i also wanna try lavender honey and lavender jam, they sound very floral and sweet, very nice c: i should find some for myself soon in like a farmers market or something i wanna try it irl... hmmm....from the gift shop i would like the lavender body mists, incense, lip balm, & bath salts. ok maybe not the bath salts actually ^^' i don't trust myself not to eat them. vietnam flashbacks. and also the lavender sleep pillow for the same reason i'd like the plushie (seems cuddly and would help me sleep) and finally maybe some lavender seeds so i could grow my own lavender! thank you for taking me this day was so fun, at the end of the day i reveal i have taken some lavender flowers and weaved them into a flower crown for you and i put it on your head. i love you. i also took the plushie and she had so much fun, here are two pictures i drew of her enjoying the day out ^^
she is laying in the grass and also sitting next to lavender flowers because i couldn't decide which drawing i liked better. ignore the way her palms are open magnanimously like jesus christ or jerry seinfeld i wanted to show her beans. also ignore the way her nose is white in the grass drawing i forgot to color it in. just imagine she ate a powdered donut filled with lavender jelly, okay? thank you again, this was really fun! bye bye 💖💖💖
#the thought of this made me very happy ^^ what if life could be dream...#only thing is i can't actually get the bear plushie because they don't ship to the us. hell world.#anyway i have been trying to learn how to draw lately!#it's slow going because between family and friends and college and other hobbies (like chess and baking and gardening) and The Horrors#i don't have a lot of time to practice#so i'm not very good yet but that's okay because i'm having fun and i'm allowed to be bad at things#so far i can draw.#BUNNY! KITTY! SHEEPY!#THE FACE (AND NOTHING ELSE! JUST THE FACE!) OF A MELANCHOLY WOMAN WITH HEAVILY LIDDED EYES#AND WINGED EYELINER AND LIPSTICK AND BRAIDS!#TEDDY BEAR! CREEPY SMILE! BREASTS! and that's it ^^#i want to try my hand at fanart someday maybe...#for now i've set a goal that i need to get better at drawing bodies and hands and generally conveying motion.#like looking to the side and different poses. and HAND POSES ugh i'm so bad at hand poses.#i do most of my work on pencil and paper but i should get some kinda drawing app soon...#only thing is i don't have a tablet and i know in my heart i cannot draw with a mouse on a computer. i just Can't.#i mean i guess i DO have a laptop but it doesn't have a touch screen...#so digital is kinda off the table for now unless i'm drawing with my phone (like the teddy bear drawing)#i'm rambling. ok so thank you!! the mental image of this was very pleasing to me.#you're very nice. have a nice day!!! you deserve it. bye bye <3#fortunes told (asks)
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eeeuuuuggghhh i'm gonna bitch in the tags a bit bcus this isn't like. serious enough to put more effort into it than that but i also don't want it to sit in my brain.
#little rock.txt#venting#self harm in tags btw#anyway. wow i hate intrusive thoughts.#like great guys. it's so cool that the way we're deciding to spend our time is constantly thinking about ways to hurt myself#oh wow stabbing myself with a knife someone left on the counter? so original. never been seen before#oh starving myself?? even when my lovely friend made us a whole dinner?? that's lovely. wow. not even a little bit rude#standing in traffic until someone comes and hits me? at least that wouldn't damage my fucking car like your other ideas!#taking something sharp to my sunburns for a two-birds-one-stone thing?? i guess you're making the best of the circumstances#like jesus fucking christ Grow Up. am i fifteen goddamn years old again#like if we're being So real the consequences of actually self-harming Far outweigh the benefits so i'm not at any real risk#(i do Not want to deal with the fallout of 1. cleaning those wounds 2. confronting my housemates with active self-harm#they actively do not deserve that happening to them)#(hi guys btw sorry. i'm fine)#but that just means i'm sitting here like. so are you gonna be productive or....?#like i had plans of what i wanted to do with my brain power tonight. was gonna write. maybe clip a stream. and we're...?#oh just sitting on my laptop playing music too loud bcus if i could hear my own thoughts it'd be a nightmare? neat.#jesus christ can i be a normal goddamn person for like fifteen minutes and get out of this anxiety spiral. it's been over 24 hours.#whatever. like at this point it's fucking whatever. if i can't drag myself into being productive i'm just gonna go to bed.#“opal is being mean to yourself really going to help” i don't know. i doubt it. unfortunately i am in the mood to be a bitch#and the only person who deserves to deal with bitchy opal is me. so.#anyway if you read all of this uuuhhh sorry. i am like this. but hey. thank you for caring
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This may be a good and normal thing but I have absolutely zero regrets about having purchased the laptop last night. Like all day yesterday and even as I was buying I was going oh god should I should I not but now I’m not even having second thoughts about the huge display lmao
#SO FUCKING GLAD that I actually did some extra research rather than just going meh the one I looked at before is probably better#I think it was a SIGN that I got paid a little early for the month’s work and then like the day after the laptop I bought went on sale#(Didn’t actually pay immediately so I didn’t USE any of that money but that is besides the point)#Only with the reservation of man… it’s big… and heavy… and REALLY huge and that’s bad…#I HAD deep down been going ‘man if only there was a bigger laptop with the same specs as the one I wanna buy’#And then!!! This baby pops up!! With a big display and BETTER specs!!!!!!!!#Cannot begin to express my excitement at playing Real People Games like that hasn’t even been a POSSIBILITY#Stray is at the top of my list right next to ranch of rivershine#And also probably Elden Ring that shit looks NEAT#(Also yes there is a catch and a reason this one is cheaper even though it’s better! The one I was planning on getting had an OLED display#This one’s just a normal good old LCD display. But in all honesty that is ABSOLUTELY a sacrifice I’m willing to make lol)#z talks#not horse game#Also the fact it’s not currently in stock so I’ll be waiting almost 3 weeks for it also very much feels like a good thing#Like. I have a Date on which I can expect to Receive It. And that means I have a very set time frame for the stuff I want to do to prepare#(mainly organise my cloud storage to make sure everything’s where it should be)#(but that’s a bigger problem than it might sound like because I have a LOT of files)
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i'm eighteen years old and just got my phone taken away in a school library for reading on it during a free period instead of doing my (nonexistent) homework
*screams in frustration*
#this is why i don't “utilize the school library”#the Vibe is lowkey terrible and I'd rather go to the public one downtown when i can because the “librarian” here does stuff like this#it's kinda wild how people percieve phones and laptops differently tbh#if you're a phone you're “being lazy”#but if you're on a computer you must be productive#but i just logged onto the kindle website on my laptop and i'm doing functionally the same thing#i have actual videogames on my laptop i can play and have played in here#and rn i'm on social media instead of READING IN A LIBRARY#but it's considered “fine” because they think I'm doing my nonexistent hw because i have a big screen that costed more than a small screen#also it's lowkey humiliating to have this person (who isn't even an actual librarian) come up to me and take my phone for no actual reason#like i don't even have a class right now? and i don't have a physical book i want to read atm???? I'm not playing obnoxious music???#I'm not disrupting anyone around me and you just effectively stole my book in the middle of a library and told me i couldn't read it#maybe I'm getting overly worked up over this but I'm actually really upset rn#books & libraries#the horrors of high school#high school#library
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