#i wanna ruin homes
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I wanna play Sims right now so much I have Sims but I am so scared again I will going to spend hours working for money instead of going funny thing. Capitalism even in this game doesn't leave me alone.
#i wanna ruin homes#not work#but i need money#wtf even my sims life is boring#wish me luck i am starting a new game now#i will going to ruin that town
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Bruce is actually really attractive, and I have enough reasoning to make a list
He's:
Tall (. Tall enough to hit his head on the vault doorframe)
Long-legged
Has a straight nose bridge
Has high cheekbones (more noticeable in 2nd pic below)
Has a strong jawline
Sharp eyes, but they aren't small (plus eyebags if you're into that)
Overall, he has strong, attractive facial features
Has broad, refined shoulders. You can tell he works out (or he did, when he was alive)
Even has a thick, muscly neck
He has MUSCLE. Is SCULPTED. NOICE. VERY NOICE. (nice arms. Nice shoulders. Nice neck. Nice legs. Nice butt-)
(There are actually panels where you can see some of his muscles. Other than those already shown here, he's got bricky thighs-
-and in the panels where we first get his name dropped, he's got those shoulder blades too-)
The one time we see him smile, and he actually has a scary one
Has small, kinda sharp pupils, and his eyes remind me of a cat. We only ever saw him tense or defensive, so his resting/listening face is really cute
Other than the physical appearance stuff, he also:
Takes shit without batting an eye (patience, knowing it's just how Kudo is, etc)
Kudo being all "Cut the crap Bruce and give it to me straight", after Bruce tests his blood and is rightfully Concerned because they just faced AFO
Put up with Kudo's experimenting and testing over Yoichi's transferable Factor
Did ya'll see the look on Kudo's face when he realized he had Yoichi's Factor/will? Kudo was going to start in nonsense and Bruce just dealt with that.
Also something I noticed when looking back at the images here; Bruce has bandages on his arms in the void. But not when he faced AFO in the sewers.
Were he and Kudo cutting their arms open in their experimenting over Yoichi's theory? Is this why Kudo has two gauntlets instead of his one? Why we never see his bare arms in the void? That he always keeps his arms down so there's no slip?
Is smart enough to run blood tests, plus has enough common sense to pick Shinomori as his successor
He picked a guy who avoids society, has an Ability to detect danger so he can always stay away from AFO, is also a coward so he's never going to go throw himself into danger, even without knowing instinctively he stands no chance, etc.
Meanwhile, Kudo chose Bruce, who he played Hot Potato Yoichi with; but he did also trust Bruce, and put the only pure combative Ability in OFA through Bruce.
These two made their choices based on what they valued and saw the Factor needed.
Is logical, analytical, and calm.
He tried advising Midoriya on their Abilities in One For All, especially his own.
Midoriya then tried ignoring him about using Fa Jin for the first time, but found he was right, thinking: "Dammit!! I had [Lady Nagant] right where I wanted her, but... ugh! The Third was right. My parallel Quirk processes are all screwed up!" (ch. 314).
Plus, when Midoriya fixed his processing mistakes, Bruce was analyzing the way he reached his new conclusion. Pure facts, no bias, very calm, just saying it as it was.
We never see him panic. When he's caught by surprise in the sewers by AFO, Kudo, and Yoichi's little bubble event, he immediately reacts. He doesn't falter, he just knows he has to do something right now.
Was more willing to listen than Kudo to Yoichi's beckon, and probably was just following Kudo's rejection of Midoriya
While we don't see Kudo's face, we see Bruce's eyes when Yoichi calls on his heroes. Bruce was more open and receptive, or at least more impacted.
Bruce was also the one to start talking, while Kudo just kept quiet.
He actually communicates a lot
When Yoichi called them to support Midoriya, Bruce started talking to paint a picture of why they thought the way they did, so Yoichi understood where they were coming from.
(Though he seems to beat about the bush sometimes, since Kudo spoke up to be direct on how they couldn't just put their trust in some starry-eyed teenager. Plus, when Kudo tells him to just tell him what's wrong [double Factors])
When Midoriya first used Fa Jin against Nagant, Bruce came out just to tell him he knew what he was trying, but that Midoriya wasn't ready; and Midoriya found he was right. Midoriya just didn't want to listen to him then.
He asks Kudo for clarification after finding Kudo had two Factors in him after the sewer incident ("Just to be sure, All For One didn't touch you, right?") Kudo knew him well enough to go "stop beating around the bush and tell me", so Bruce was probably gonna start with questions, theories, and trying to understand everything in general, before saying "yeah you have two Factors. Don't know why".
Is strong-willed and loyal.
He followed Kudo, even to death, carrying on the cause he started until it ended with him.
Plus, when talking about how AFO needs a strong will to override OFA's own, we first see Bruce, Kudo, and Yoichi.
AFO couldn't steal OFA because the will was too strong for him, and that was back during Banjo's time. Since Shinomori never actually tried opposing AFO and just hid, we can assume the first Three (Yoichi, Kudo, Bruce) already had an accumulation of strong willpower that made OFA un-stealable. Those three are a strong enough foundation, and the main wills, that the other users just become bonuses.
Kudo, also saying that Midoriya needs allies with the same will and drive as him... hey Kudo, you're talking about yourself and your old allies, aren't you? That's why you look at Yoichi and Bruce when you say this.
Not only is Bruce attractive, but he's got good character. THE END.
#yes this is a bruce appreciation post#am i biased? yes. am i right that he has these features? also yes.#hes actually a very attractive person. hes got all the right features for it#plus hes smart (some medical knowledge) is really loyal strong-willed and patient#he puts up with kudo SO much#from being bossed around to taking home yoichis brother to whatever the heck kudo made him do to figure out OFA's transfer properties.....#i didnt think much of bruce originally#then i started doing resistance fic stuff and now hes a fave#hes a little blorbo#that i throw in terrible situations for my own entertainment#used his scary smile for comedy purposes#like when he made a kid cry once. or when a meta child was afraid of him so they bit him#has patience to deal with kudo and co. but also. has enough bite to snark them. is how i like writing him#oh? background character? well lemme just *picks him up* EXPAND ON THAT-#fic stuff: he tries making a good impression on a girl and kudo is ruining it immediately#he doesnt know what to do because the two always banter#kudo: fuck you#oc: fuck me yourself you coward#he sees through a rose-lens that kudo is trying to rip off his face#appeciation kinda turned analysis in general#bruce#kudo#yoichi shigaraki#bnha#mha#spoilers#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#NOT YOICHIS BROTHER. i meant Yoichi / AFO's brother in a prev tag up there but theres too much tags i dont wanna rewrite to fix that#(image limit and tag limit)
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ngl i still dont fullheartedly believe in the knight papyrus theory solely because i will never pretend to have any clue on what the hell ever goes on in that dog's brain but i do think the funniest argument people ever make against it is when they say undertale and deltarune are two totally separate entities with no overlap of important characters whatsoever. its like they got to the part in chapter two where everyone fell asleep and then closed the game
#trousled rambles#like there are good arguments to be made against papyrus being the knight but that one doesn't work when toriel is Going to be in chapter 3#and possibly undyne or napstablook too. my bets are on napstablook personally#mostly because i Do want to believe in my theory that the dark worlds could be based on ut areas starting with the ruins/Home#just because i think it would be cool :> but yeah thats all to say toby definitely changed his mind about everything being separate#as in it's a separate story and world sure but the undertale characters are definitely still gonna be important lol#deltarune#there's no way for the chapter 2 ending to be a troll like chapter 1 unless that's a straight up gas leak or something#personally i dont think there'll be a plotline in deltarune about kris murdering their mom and bff via CO poisoning but maybe thats just me#anyway if u wanna make a good argument against knight papyrus just point out that it would mean literally nothing to the kids lmao#it breaks my heart to say but like. they dont know that guy. they would just be confused if anything they dont gaf#its not actually that hard to debunk if u think of it narratively just dont be dumb/rude/wrong about it yknow#that being said if ur only debunking it to support the turtle guy instead u need to stop talking sorry . i make the rules :(
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I feel like even if I wasn't madly in love with Gene, the fascination I have for him would still be there. There's just nobody out there like him anywhere at all.
#that i know of LOL#sometimes i feel like i wanna take gene home#*paul stanley voice* AND MOTHA HIM!#i mean what who said that#kiss#kiss band#gene simmons#kissblr#pookie bear#celebrity crush#gene simmons has ruined me for all other men#the demon#genes rizz strikes again#genes number one nastiest fangirl
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questioning what life is rlly about but then u catch up with the girlies over dinner n life is worth living again <3
#i don’t go clerb hopping but restaurant hopping <3#w my fav ppl <3#i love my friends <3#n im so sad we can't see each other as often#love my uni friends too but the bond u have w the friends u made when u were little are irreplaceable#i've been besties w a friend since we were little tiny babies just barely able to move around#also! they surprised me w a bday gift bc this year i didnt celebrate bc i wasnt home n life was hectic#n one of the gifts is a bookmark w my name engraved on it and!!!!! featuring pressed flowers#its the little things that make me cry </3#like how adorable is that#anywayyy that gift was just tew cute had to mention it#i wanna have nights like this forever😔😔😔#like no do not ever ruin ur sleeping schedule for a man but yes ruin it for ur friends who take u from one restaurant to the other <3#so so sleepy but i'll sleep w a full n happy heart today <3
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#mom asked me to cook breakfast so I made the usual but for some reason it's too salty apparently#(it doesnt)#so now she's telling me that I'm a failure followed by a bunch of sermon on why I should leave my job and get married to a girl and#shave my beard and don't eat anymore so I can actually be happy and not useless#(apparently I'm not happy now) and also says thank you mockingly. Great mom#what a fun trip#also ive been telling them can we go to this specific shop i wanna see if i can find cheaper steam deck there and they all start getting#angry on me on how selfish i am for just asking that#and how i dont care about my mom because my mom isnt interested on used game stores#like what the fuck#i paid all of the tickets for her here why the fuck am i not allowed to go to where i want#pissing me off#i wanna go homeeeeee#honestly im not excited about this trip no more i just wanna go home and just go back to work and then at night i draw and play ffxiv#the only one excited i have is disneyland on the last day but i can think of several ways they ruin it too#my mom definitely will be like im tiredd go find a chair and so i have to wait for her#i hate this trip
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teenage girl problems when i'm 24 :)
#how do people go to parties without having severe anxiety about it#like i'm probably going to an lgbtq+ party somewhere in the new year (a club party#not a home party)#and i know 1 person there#and i'm just already stressing about it#bcs what if i wanna go home?#i cannot go home#i have to sleep over at their place#what if i have no one to talk to#what if i don't want to drink and they all get drunk and i end up hating it#what if i'm not strong enough to tell them no and end up getting drunk anyway with all the consequences ....#( i take like 3 drinks to get drunkish so... )#what if my ptsd acts up bcs of the amount of people in the room#what if i get panic attacks and ruin the night#what if i ruin their night#i don't wanna ruin their night#most these people don't even know me and i have to be liked
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Reading Wit's conversation with 'Nomad' in Sunlit man and I'm sitting here like what did you do Hoid. What happened on Roshar. What are the 'events in Alethkar.'
Hoid I love you but if you are the cause of any hurt for my Bridge Four and adjacent guys I will be MAD
#wren reads#sunlit man#sunlit man spoilers#trying to piece things together is fun#theres something homely about roshar beinf Home#like yeah i understood that reference#so true king dirt IS weird#anyway SIGZIL MY BOY#what HAPPENED#stormlight archives#book five is gonna RUIN me#i also love how the word spren isnt mentioned until after this conversation#though if youve read stormlight you pick up pretty quickly thats what aux is#ALSO BRO whyd you break your oath what happened????#are you the only one who did???#he thought wit was kal i dont know how i feel about that aaaah#this is making me wanna reread stormlight#though i might instead do an In Order cosmere read#and catch all the one of books ive missed so far#need to reread dawnshard because i DID read that but forgot most of the signficance
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guys. i like a guy. FUCK. 😔
#he’s a real guy. not fictional#i just#FUCK#it’s like#i’ve known him for a while now#and so i’m like#i don’t wanna ruin that#and also#he like makes a lot of jokes calling me stupid and shit like that#so i’m like.#sir what are you doing#BUT on the plane flight home he asked me how my weekend was#and i told him about my adventures on the plane#and he kept texting me cause i said i was very uncomfyyy#soooo#idk what to do#and#I JUST GRNAUFKFODOSKMDMF#yk?#emi talks <3
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in the break up au, they are technically not in a relationship together. So I was thinking what will happen if gil walk into a bar (or wherever you want), and see thena going on a date with someone else. The worst part is she SEEMS like she likes that guy a lot.
thank you!!!
Gil walked into the museum light on his toes--okay, he was practically skipping. Some would call him crazy, but it felt kind of nostalgic, in a nice way. He was walking into the museum to wander and see if he could find Thena roaming around.
Usually she was in her office, he knew, but he liked getting to see her in her element, admiring the history, advising on exhibits and stuff. It was like seeing a beautiful creature in its natural habitat.
He admired things as he came in. He used to love the museum, and then he convinced himself that it was only because of Thena, because when they broke up he had no desire to go back to it. But it really was nice and peaceful.
"Not at all!"
His ears perked. He knew that voice, and he knew that tone, too. He shoved his hands in his pockets, scurrying around with his shoulders hunched, trying to look inconspicuous. He probably looked like a maniac.
He positioned himself as subtly as he could. He couldn't risk Thena seeing him, but he needed to get a good look at what was happening. He needed to see this guy's face, and he needed to see what was making Thena sound so...playful.
The guy was handsome--unfortunately handsome. And he was making Thena laugh. It wasn't some fake laugh she could use sometimes when they were socializing, this was her real laugh.
Gil's gut twisted. He had no right to be feeling this way. They weren't together, and even reconnecting - and kissing, but whatever - as they had didn't bind her to him. Although, he was pretty sure he had asked if she was seeing anyone and she had said no.
"Really?" Mister Handsome persisted, standing awfully close to her. "Nothing?"
"Well," she tipped her head, tucking some hair behind her ear. Gil resisted the urge to rush right over there and un-tuck it. "Not nothing, I suppose. But it wasn't something either."
"Explain something to me, Habibti," he chuckled, scratching the facial hair on his chin. Gil knew what that pet name meant and bristled. "How long have I told you-"
"I realise," she cut him off. She really was comfortable with this guy. "I don't know what happened, it just...you were right."
Gil squinted, but the man's expression became visibly tender. His hand rested on Thena's shoulder. He wanted to grab the guy's wrist and snap it clean off.
"It's good that you talked to him. But are you sure this was what you wanted to happen?"
Thena sighed, deflated, and also didn't pull herself away from his hand. Now, that was odd--Thena didn't like just anyone touching her, even lightly. Who the hell was this guy?! "There was a time I would at least pretend it wasn't."
"But it was," he finished for her, even pursing his lips slightly. He put his other hand on her shoulder, angling her to face him more. His hands dragged down the arms of her cardigan. Gil squirmed. "Because love is complicated."
She didn't say anything, but he could see her nod. Much to Gil's alarm, she slumped forward, thunking her head into the guy's fashionable black turtleneck as she let him rub her back.
The stone in Gil's gut sank all the way down to his toes. He turned away. He shouldn't be spying on her and her new boyfriend (or whoever). He seemed like a nice enough guy, and she was obviously comfortable around him.
So, he had reunited with her after all this time, only for it to feel like they had never parted. So, they had kissed a few times, and he could have sworn she was feeling that old spark there, too. So, they had said they would just see how things went.
It wasn't like they were back together. It wasn't like he had asked her to get back together, because he was the same coward who had let her suggest their breakup two years ago, too. He was going to let the most amazing woman in the world slip through his fingers for a second time.
"Gil!"
Part of him wanted to be petty--to keep walking and pretend he hadn't heard her. But he wasn't that much of a coward, as miserable as he felt at the moment. He turned, offering a tight smile, "hey."
"I didn't see you. What are you doing here?" she asked with a smile--a real, bright smile. She was beautiful.
"Oh, I, uh-" he blinked, rubbing the back of his neck. When he looked up he made eye contact with her friend and lowered his eyes again. He didn't want her date to feel weird about him. For all he knew, Thena had never mentioned him, or maybe it would be worse if she had. "I didn't want to, uh, interrupt."
"Interrupt?" she tilted her head at him, her hair slipping over her shoulder.
He sighed, his fingers automatically rising to tuck it back for her again. But he stopped himself; that would just to be possessive, and he was trying to be a bigger person than that. He faked a chuckle, "you could have told me."
"Told you what?" she frowned now, through with his beating around the bush. "Gil, what are you talking about?"
He nodded his head in Mister Handsome's direction, who - upsettingly - just waved in a friendly manner. He huffed, "what's his name?"
She looked over her shoulder, as if it needed confirming just who he was talking about. She looked back at him as if he were hallucinating the tall, handsome stranger by the dinosaur skeletons, "Ben?"
"Sorry, I guess you don't really have to tell me about him," Gil muttered. Heat rose in his cheeks; he was an idiot for coming here and trying to surprise her like old times. "We aren't...we didn't say...I-"
Thena laughed. Well, she tried not to, out of politeness or something, but he caught her hiding her laughter.
"What?" he demanded, completely embarrassed now. "Look, go back to your date, I was just-"
"Ben is the husband of a friend of mine." Oh. Oh! She touched his hand lightly. "Phastos and I submitted for our doctorates around the same time, so I've gotten to know Ben and their son quite well in the last year."
Mister Handsome was married?
"I was actually talking to him about-" Thena cut herself off this time, her fingers sliding into her hair. "Well, it's not important."
It seemed pretty important. But Gil was happy to let her halfheartedly hold his hand as she explained it to him.
"Ben is here to have lunch with Phastos. He knows, to an extent, that you and I...reconnected."
So, she was talking about them! Gil went through the snippets he had gotten of their conversation, albeit from far away and while he was thinking that she was talking about herself and Ben over there.
"And you are here," she called his attention back to her, tugging faintly at the lapel of the nice blazer he had worn. She raised her sandy blonde eyebrows at him, "for?"
He grinned. He took the opportunity to lean in and kiss her cheek, "for this."
Thena blushed. She did that a lot more now than she had when they dated the first time.
"And," he continued, taking her hand in his properly, "to see if you wanted to grab some lunch."
"W-Well," she cast a nervous glance back at Ben, who - like any truly good friend - was watching the exchange shamelessly. She stepped closer to him, "I'm not actually off for another hour."
"That's okay," he shrugged. He had already endured what he had thought was a worst case scenario. Now, he was in quite a good mood again. "You can show me around, right? Tell me about all the history."
"You've seen it all before," she laughed as he moved her to take his arm anyway. She barely had the chance to wave to Ben as they took their leave.
He could meet Ben at another time, maybe even apologise for being weird. But for now, he was here to see his...ex. His friend. His date? His something. "So?--show me again. Tell me the stuff you talked about in your thesis."
"You don't want to hear about that."
"Why not?" he asked genuinely. Would a lot of it go over his head?--probably. But he couldn't believe he had never even asked before. He tightened his hand over hers. "Tell me anyway."
#Thenamesh Breakup AU#thank you so much!!!!#I fell in love with this au from the first installment#I'm really happy people want to see more of it#they're...something#Gil and Thena are both dancing around it#they don't want to say they're back together#but they're obviously something#they were exclusive once#and Thena is still stark raving mad in love with him but that's beside the point#Gil arrives#sees Ben and Thena being all fun and flirty (in his eyes)#and he's like hm what is this feeling like there's a black hole where my heart was#oh yes it's jealousy#but he can't be like that#Thena isn't his girlfriend#he has no right to tell this guy to take his hands off his beautiful Thena#he's perfectly prepared to skulk on home#day absolutely ruined#and of course they were talking about her and Gil#Ben knows all about Gil#because despite being broken up for six months all she could talk about was Gil this and Gil that#Ben knows how hung up she is on him#he's going to go to Phastos' office and be like have I got some TEA#meanwhile Phastos and Thena are quite good friends and he doesn't wanna hear that shit#Right in front of my salad?!#Ben: but he was jealous!
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am I overreacting yes or no QUICKLY
#the thing is im not reacting in any way on purpose so like#is it even me overreacting or is it the evil troll in my head#plus i think this is a perfectly adequate reaction to literally everything in my life going to shit at once yay✨️#actually i havent engaged in any substance abuse or self harm or homicide so i think. if anything. im underreacting#anyway fuck everything and everyone bla bla bla my life will never be the same nl#bla bla bla im forever ruined BORING#where is the part where i burn down my childhood home ? where is the drama the action etc etc#im tired of the fucking endless crying and self pity like eeeeeew#i wanna go back to turing the pain into really weird and fucked up writing#not crying until i get wrinkles#i know i posted all that shit abt being at peace with your aging but apparently I LIED#bc this stress has made me have so many new random wrinkles and i HATE them and i hate feeling ugly on top of feeling like shit#im gonna go sniff some botox until i look 4 months younger <3#tw
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first time i go to the cinema in months (which is unlike me btw. rip my mental health) i get food poisoning from a veggie hot dog… how could my beloved cinema snacks betray me like this .. evil.
#the movie was mid but felt worse by the fact i spent the whole thing feeling like i was gonna puke from this hot dog 😭#i haaate leaving a movie when it’s on because i don’t wanna miss anything so i just stayed and tried to be brave#and the second it ended i speed walked to the toilets and threw up .. and then when i got home at like 10 i spent like 3-4 hours on and off#just throwing up honestly my tummy is in biiittts i feel horrid still even now 🥲#i texted my manager saying i can’t come in in the morning but might be ok for the afternoon but ough.. idk man lol#anyway. was so nice to see my friends at least i hope i didn’t ruin their evening by wanting to rush off home at the end and whatnot 🥲
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i am a metronome of 'this problem is easily solvable if you talk to a certain person in your life and it'll only get worse if you leave it be, calm down and bite the bullet' and 'you've already left it a long time and asking for help even from loved ones is really really hard so actually cry in a ball'
we must destroy the grey head jelly for being the most inconsistent and rude bastard in the world
#its not even that serious its just paying for school stuff but. ough.#i have big issues about feeling 'worth it' to my family so any time i have to approach my mom and ask her to fork up money that my loans#dont cover i feel like Dog Shit. like she always finds it#and she doesnt mind it. and has stressed in the past that its fine and she isnt mad and she just wants me to tell her#but im Bad At Things so i always end up waiting and feeling like Shit#oughhhh#plus i dont wanna do it over the phone but also cant get home to do it in person without her help either#and i always feel like im ruining her day and oughhh#it is not good. 0 stars. ill probably talk to her about it tomorrow because yeah but#good GOD#so yeah im gonna work on getting employment not even for a sense of freedom but just so i dont feel gross all the time#like even if i make 1k a month living at home over the summer. thats pretty much enough to cover what my loans and scholarships dont#literally thats not even enough for taxes to be involved or whatever#anyway. the human spirit is indominable#i had a little cry over it all and im feeling better#im gonna draw some hot man legs. and get ready for dnd tomorrow#and its gonna be fine. i know it will#the plot twist is i went into psychology to help OTHERS but in reality im learning how to help ME
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operation do not cry at my irl bestie’s wedding: FAILED
#kayleigh.txt#if the pets didn’t need to be watched i would’ve been one of the bridesmaids#she gave me the same giftbag she gave them and so we’re wearing the same jewelry but alas#but yeah uh. i cried. a lot. struggled hiding it lmao#my bestie looks so fucking beautiful and perfect and her now husband immediately started crying when he saw her#honestly same lmfaooo#she made direct eye contact with me when the officiant mentioned that this wouldn’t have been possible without their loving friends and fam#which. didn’t help stop my crying lmfaooo#i’m fine this is fine; the only other wedding i’ve been to was my sister’s and i was one of the bridesmaids so 🤷🏼♀️#i was not emotional at all during that because idgaf about my sister tbqh#she and i stay civil and tolerate each other for the sake of our father but that is it 🤷🏼♀️#good thing i didn’t wear any fucking makeup because it would be ruined 😂#i am going to hang out eat dinner drink wine socialize and dance a bit#hug my bestie and her husband and cry some more probably#and thej hopefully head home before 10pm 😬🤞🏻#the pets need their pm medications and also just like. attention and all that lmao#because i am their petsitter until tomorrow afternoon/evening#also i am chronically ill and mentally ill and tired and in pain from helping set up the venue yesterday#also also i desperately wanna just. vc with friends and play genshin impact/honkai: star rail/fallout 4 🥲👍🏻#my social battery had been drained dry meeting everyone yesterday so today is. difficult
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Any men out there wanna pretend to be my bf to get my parents off my case about marriage? I am so so serious right now.
#my mom gave me a really really lonf lecture and upset me because her and my dad want me to start thinking about settling down ans getting#married. again. cos this comes up all the time. ans I reiterated that i do wanna marry and have kids. i know im 26 years old why do they'#think im also not aware of this??? like i suddenly forgot my own age and have my head in the clouds all the time. and i got so heated cos i#said they only believe in that in theory. in reality neither of them have accepted the idea od my leaving home or the idea of mw being with#a man. and they start freaking out if they even find out i talk to them so to say they want me to get married is so fucking naive#ans when i mentioned this and that they're more than ok w mt brothers talking tp women she said that if i wanted to settle down she could#talk to dad and they could “go about finding someone for me” and I've never been so pissed#i got so upset. why does everyone keep saying this to me. as if anyone my dad knows could ever be a half decent man#and the truth is they don't care if im in a happy marriage they've accepted that i won't be they only care that im gone and saving face in#front of family. that's all. it's always reputation it's always “what will people say?”#not once did love come up. not once did shw even imply that i should marryfor love#or that they hope i love someone and marry them. because they're more happy with the idea of me marrying for the sake of it than#they are at the idea of me finding genuine lovw#im not a fucking broodmare im not here to push out babies for the sake od reputation.#and then i said nor being married isn't the end of the world and she said “it's important that you settle down”#and i said im unwavering in my principles. she can call mw high maintenance like she loves doing but I'm not wavering on the#kind of man i want to be with and when i do marry him i want it to bw genuine. because be loves me and vice versa not because im ticking off#somethin from a damn checklist to appease them. and if being unwavering on my principles means staying unmarried then so be it.#my obligations are to god and myself and that's it#and y'know what??? i am in love with a boy already#and yet they don't care that i wanna be in love at all. no im just a puppet to follow a certain narrative in life live according to evergone#else has and that's it.#im done.#and then she tried to apologise by getting me a slice of cake and that somehow made me feel worse.#i dont want an apology. i want to be heard and actually listened to for once. i want someone to ask what i want. to actually give a shit#and love me cos it's me. not cos im some thing to further an agenda. or some toy or puppet that does your bidding.#is it so much??? to just want to be loved in return? to marry and live according to how i want to?? ans not want anyone to make these#decision's for me?#ruined my whole day.
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there’s been a few episodes of s4 so far that don’t feature john, not in the actual in-universe way, but due to the actual narrative structure/delivery of the episode: the nightmare episode where arthur was just trapped in his own dream for the majority of the episode, and then the butcher episode that was entirely from collins’ pov and so he obviously cannot hear the voice inside arthur’s head.
both episodes were enjoyable for these specific narrative perspectives that we don’t typically get, and i appreciate that, but also i miss john :( and also i’m very nervous. i don’t think it’s a coincidence that we, the audience, are being isolated from john at the same time that arthur is beginning to feel that john is “slipping away.” what with the unspoken implication that john is lying about something to protect arthur, and the way he’s been sort of forgetful recently (?!?!), it’s like, AHHHH. i’m afraid
#why must everything go WRONG all the time 😩😩#i meant to post this after i listened to part 34 but i think i listened to it last night#and i was fucking exhausted and just wanted to go to sleep by the time i got home so like lol#so now im gearing up for ep 35 and i’m bakc on this train of thought#and just. Yelling into my pillow rn#this is why i didnt wanna start s4 after part 28 LMAO like they finally had a somewhat happy ending i didnt wanna ruin it !!!#brot listens to malevolent
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