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#i wanna cry but i gotta...............not rn
why-the-heck-not · 6 months
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started a sourdough starter!!! It’s not even that much abt bread; I just like the idea of having a pet and this is about the max amount of responsibility I’m looking for rn
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jils-things · 4 days
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reuploading without my previous rb but aaaughh
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kunikisss · 5 days
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i... need...... call of duty ghosts............ AAGHHYH *throws things against the wall with my telekinesis powers*
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lightbulb-warning · 1 year
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local audhd having idiot has to do something not related to their hyperfixation and fuCKING EXPLODES!!1!!!!!! /j
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mooodyblue · 1 year
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i am just so tired
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honigsenfsymbiont · 8 months
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merevide · 11 months
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it’s one of those nights.
#ok i’m gonna ramble a bit because it’s all hitting me like rn#first of all. i hate this song. but i also love this song.#and my birthday is tomorrow and i’ve felt soooo fucking ill about it like more i’ll than usual#n this song has haunted me all year like every time i listen to it i gotta reflect that wow i haven’t done anything with my life i’m#practically friendless and hobbyless and don’t really enjoy doing anything#AND I’VE ALSO BEEN SPENDING IT literally wishing that i wasn’t alive#or hating myself or hurting myself or sabotaging myself#or straight up not remembering anything because apparently that’s a side effect. a symptom#and i gotta rely on myself more than ever like to be more of an emotional rock than i already have to myself#and so many people who are in my age range are actually doing something or living their lives and i have it pointed out to me all the time#and it feels like it’s all hitting me at once. while i also feel like i still wanna sabotage or hurt#n then i remember that all i’ve really known about myself was the hurt and the concern#n it’s like wow. i really hate myself! i’m not doing shit!#but there are good parts so that’s what matters. and i try and focus on those good parts and then something hits me and then nothing matters#so i really hate this song bc it makes me think. but also i’m not gonna miss this year i almost got put in a psych unit i’m not even joking#anyway. i feel like this will all break me and the pressure will get to me and i’ll be on the floor crying again but also i really should’ve#died when i was born but i didn’t! so that means! something!#so yay 🎉 i’m alive. i should write this all down in a journal#my text#marina atd#she should i release this song bc it’s really that good i can’t take it#Spotify
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sakhafa · 1 year
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remembered that I have to do so much and idk how to do most of the things I need to do
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3416 · 2 years
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it is so sick and twisted that for a week every month you’re just expected to act like you’re not overly depressed or in pain and go on like normal
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caffrey-coffee · 1 year
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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#ay ay ay. my head feels like its stuffed completely full of cotton. bulging at the seems#its just that wrung out ive been crying too much feel. i just had to do a bunch of application stuff yesterday night#and there were way too many tears so i work up out of focus with salt in my eyelashes. so i wasnt that productive despite the fact i really#need to b rn. and i met with my boss for our weekly meeting and its just so many things i have to do#like theres this procedure for some new equipment we have and im testing it out but like she wants to see it in action and im like treading#close to dangerously unstable so the chances i burst into tears in public is quite high which is why i hide in my apartment and only go to#the lab when no ones there. but no im prob gonna have to go in Thursday and have to go drive like and hr away next week so we can hopefully#have all the equipment we need for another project thats gonna kill me. plus we got contacted by a group we were gonna work with last year#who wanna work with us again. which is objectively good like itll look real good on a cv to b involved and like even non science ppl would#prob find it cool. but i csnt feel any of that bc i dont kno how im gonna be able to go back and forth contacting the other lab group i#have to work with in order to do everything. which its like itll b fine#ive done it before. 2 of the 3 things i have done before so itll be fine. it just doesn't feel like it#it feels like im dissolving into pieces and everythings spinning too fast. theres a film between myself and everything else so i cant touch#anything and it cant touch me.#and its weird bc i know that burning myself out is what got me here but i still cant detatch myself from the soul crushing guilt of not#making every second productive. its disorienting bc my brain will b like: u should just stay here over break and get stuff done#and like no. thats objectively the worst thing i could possibly do. i just feel like a wet glob of paper towels. ive already committed#myself to only 13 days being gone. only have to trudge through like 21 days 1st. how? no idea#like im sure itll b fine but somethings gotta give before my brain implodes beyond repair. if were not there already#ay everytime my boss says something nice abt me to someone it just feels like a knife in the gut. like shes not lying but i just feel like#ive fallen so far that shes talking abt a past verson of me and it makes me sad. like idk how obvious it is but im sure i have terrible#vibes irl lol like the sort of pained twisted up little smiles u make when u dont wanna lie but u dont wanna b honest ay#itll b fine. i can feel the floorboards giving way so somethings close to giving just have to see where and in what form the metaphor#actulizes. hopefully it does so quickly bc im bored and tired of living like this. and i dont really wanna go home and explode into tears#like a child and have my parents deal with me. which they would bc theyre great. i just dont wanna worry them sigh...#unrelated#i should sleep bc i gotta get up and burn my brain out being a scribe tomorrow morning. at least i get to hang out with someone cool
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possum-tooth · 2 years
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been 2.5 hours since i became unemployed <3
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nixierain · 26 days
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Yk its always fun looking up shit to see if you can pinpoint
Why you feel a certain way and obsess over people and find theres a disorder that can be linked to a disorder you have and you have the tendency to stress over the "What if" of having disorders to the point that you think you do, but your not sure and you HATE self-diagnosing and are against it.
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aquaslove · 3 months
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ace-with--a-mace · 5 months
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im so scared im gonna throw up
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roseband · 10 months
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my fiance is calling me a workaholic again ;~;
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