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#i used to have the ability to control my dreams
isa-belle1367 · 15 days
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Lighting an incense and drinking tea while reading a book in my room because it's what Malik would have wanted.
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karouvas · 7 months
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remembering on my circa 2017 booklr I used to tell people to read Gemma Doyle by describing it as trc but with an all girls boarding school / all girl group in a historical setting… I was trying to do the lord’s work she deserved tumblr fame
#I do think that was an oversimplification of both but. Not totally off base there are some similar char tropes used I’m proud of past me for#the attempt. Also I think I’m going to start advocating for Diviners in that way now that trc fandom is apparently quite miserable post GW#you like gay people doing dream magic? you like witchcraft and ghosts and strong ensemble casts?#you like an ambitious abuse survivor getting a healing arc with learning to control magic/psychic abilities as a metaphor? you like four#book series where the first three books rock and the last book which is named king + corvid is a bit underwhelm who said that?#a positive point in diviners favor is Ling x Wei Mei >>>> RonanKavinsky. Generally find the take on dream magic in diviners more compelling#(although LingHenry + RonanHennessy both being mlm wlw duos who are the dreamers is kinda fun)#anyway. This is not actually a fair comparison because Ling is my fav or at least top two w Theta of the leads and I love Ronan but he is m#least favorite of the trc leads of which there are four all of whom I love so it says nothing bad about him. But it does put me as an#outlier re: fandom priorities..#on the flip side while I love diviners dynamics sadly I don’t think they ever come anywhere close to Gangsey levels of extreme codependency#so I can not care quite as much….#from what I remember the girls in Gemma Doyle are a lot more codependent good for them. Would have to reread to compare codependency levels#Ling and Theta are both my favorite in diviners in the same way Blue and Adam are my favorite in trc and Abed and Annie are both my fav for#community. basically one char who I love and overidentify with (Ling/Blue/Abed) and one char I love who in many ways I’m not like#but in a handful of very niche specific ways I also relate quite a bit. And am fascinated with (Theta/Adam/Annie)#s speaks#very off topic from my initial point which was you should read Libba Bray’s books#and in both cases I have a second and a half tier fav (Evie/Gansey/Britta) who I love fictionally but if I was trapped in a room w them I’d#kill myself. with the white blonde women I’d also want to make out w them debatable if that makes it better or worse#but like. I could not stand listening to them speak for that long I know this#Gansey might just die a third time by my hands…
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fairiily · 18 days
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|| why you keep waking up in your cr
i saw a girl make a tiktok about this and i thought it was a really interesting idea so i wanted to share it with you!
i think we can all agree that one of the biggest ideas on shiftblr is that all you need is intention
but i also think a lot of people can agree with me when i say: “if intention is all you need, why do i keep waking up in my cr?”
ill relate it to lucid dreaming.
most people who want to lucid dream use reality checks as a method to do so
you reality check throughout the day so your subconscious remembers while youre dreaming
maybe it doesnt work the first night you go to sleep, but you keep reality checking as part of your routine until your subconscious remembers too.
another girl related it to birth control
she used to have an alarm set everyday for 1pm to take the pill
eventually, she didnt need the alarm anymore, because her subconscious remembered that around that time of day, she needed to take her birth control pill
its the exact same way with shifting
you set intention to shift before you go to sleep, and you wake up in your cr again
“but i set intention! why am i still here?”
you begin to doubt yourself, in your abilities to shift, that maybe intention doesn’t actually work.
but it does.
sometimes it just takes a little longer for your subconscious to remember the intention you set, for the intention to stick.
many people’s shifting success stories happen when they go to sleep like any other night
they don’t intentionally do a method or set the intention of shifting, but they wake up in their dr.
how does that work?
after going to sleep and setting your intention night after night after night, your subconscious starts to do it on its own.
like reality checking during dreams, or setting an alarm to take a pill
your subconscious doesn’t have eyes, it is something that has to be trained, all it knows is what you tell it.
not everything can be mastered on the first try, you just have to keep trying.
moral of the story is:
intention is real. and its important. dont give up on yourself. keep setting intention. keep going to sleep knowing you will wake up in your dr.
one day you will.
i hope this helped or resonated with some of you, because when i heard about this idea, it gave me a lot of hope that im not doing anything wrong, my subconscious is just taking a little while to catch up.
happy shifting!
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goldenlikedayl1ght · 2 months
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...ready for it? - j.l. howlett
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a/n: hi! here's a full version of a blurb i wrote a few days ago that got so much love so quick that i wanted to give yall a full version! the beginning is literally just the blurb but after that it's all new! like many of you wolverine brainrot has hit me hard, so here's graphic smut about him. leave a comment or a reblog if you enjoyed :) warnings: SMUT!!!!! some dumbification, use of pet names, reader is fem, reader is a mutant and able to control plants, lots of cursing, lots of grotesque fliritng/fantasies, some soft moments, some sort of primal sex, oral (fem receiving), some of the setting is probs inaccurate but whatever. let me know if i missed any big ones!! word count: 4.9 k summary: well, you had to find some way of entertaining yourself at charles xavier's school for gifted youngsters. and you have always liked an emotionally unavailable, absolutely hung, challenge. pairing: logan howlett x mutant!reader now playing: ...ready for it? - taylor swift "in the middle of the night, in my dreams/you should see the things we do, baby/in the middle of the night in my dreams/i know i'm gonna be with you, so i take my time"
You are absolutely enthralled with him. It’s actually sort of pathetic how your fingers twitch at the sight of him, at how the mention of his name or god forbid the sound of his voice makes your head snap up, attention deficit disorders be damned!
Funnily enough, you had no damn interest in Xavier’s stupid mutant school, because to you, you’re not an outsider because of your mutant abilities (that don’t have much of a physical apparition, at least one that you can’t hide) but because there’s never been much of a place for you to fit in.
But, you were behind on rent and of course, you fucking hate your job, so why not? You’d be able to be slightly less of a freak, and you’d get free room and board in the process! (Where Charles gets all of his money, you do not know.)
And because you’re a little older, Charles doesn’t force you to sit in a class room to learn about basic arithmetic and grammar lessons, so you really only do some training around three times a day, you have your own room (with a dusty box under the other bed, you also suspect your room used to be the ‘sex’ room) and you have the weekends off.
So for a twenty something year old with few ambitions, the social skills of a Martian with autism, and a huge crush on every older emotionally unavailable man you meet, it’s a pretty good set-up.
You’re waiting for time to pass in the garden, just reading a rather interesting book that Charles had recommended after he noticed you needed something to pass time before you started making bad decisions.
You hear his heavy footsteps on the gravel before you see him. Your heart beats faster, but you will yourself, do everything in your power not to glance up at him. And you let out a breath as you succeed, keeping your head down.
“In your natural habitat, are you, spitfire?” Your head darts up to him—There’s no way he isn’t talking to you, you know you’re the only one in this garden. And you can see his lips twitch up and you want to crawl out of your skin!
“My-My natural habitat?” You laugh, closing the book you’re reading because your attention is locked to him now.
“Yeah, seems like it.” He saunters on up to you and sits on the bench next to you.
And let’s make something very clear—
Logan Howlett does not sit.
This man poses, as if there’s always some invisible camera capturing every frame of movement, from the way his legs spread out, to the way his chest lifts when he inhales.
Fuck, you think you might die if you can’t suck him off right now.
“And what exactly is my uh.. habitat?” You question.
He takes out his lighter and a cigar, placing the cigar in his mouth as he gestures to the space around the two of you, lighter in hand.
“A garden.” He says, matter of facility, as his voice is muffled only the slightest bit by the cigar.
And you just sort of look at him before asking,
“Oh, you enjoy being boiled down to your mutations, Claws?” You question, and as he goes to light the cigar, he smirks.
“Alright, you gotta admit though, it is cliché!”
You are absolutely in agreement, there is zero doubt you are as much of a walking, breathing, real life living, stereotype.
“It is not!” And the pair of you give each other this look, like you’re both shocked at how whiney that statement is!
“Uh-huh, sure, Spitfire.” It sounds almost like he’s purring at you.
When he lights his cigar, he’s sort of eying you for your reaction, whatever you might say.
“You know, smoking is not only bad for you, it’s awful for the environment.”
“You’re probably the most cliché little freak around here.” Which.. honestly..? Shouldn’t possibly turn you on as much as it does.
You just stare at him for a minute, and he smirks.
“Cat got your tongue?’
And maybe it’s stupid and maybe it’s immature but your hand just comes over to fiddle with the pointed part of his hair.
“We’ll you certainly look the part.” He just looks at you, and honestly? The way he’s looking at you, it’s like he’s proud of you for teasing him.
“Aw, there’s my little spitfire,” He teases, just to see how red you get. And red you are— it’s embarrassing. And here’s the kicker—You are young. Exceptionally young, and what’s insane about that? How horny it makes both you and Logan.
The idea of fucking your innocent cunt, tight and all his, drives him genuinely mad. And you are, quite literally, a whore for the idea of riding this older man’s dick. You know he’s big—sometimes you see the outerline of it when he walks away from you all huffy and puffy.
“You’re a tease, Claws.” You respond, raising an eyebrow at him.
“Says you,” he raises and eyebrow, leaning closer to you now, “You’re the one laying around in the sun, looking like that.”
“Looking like this?” You scoff. You’re wearing a muscle tee and a pair of ripped jeans, but the gaps are huge and he can see your thighs. He wants to devour you, and you would let him if he only asked.
And let’s be clear—he is fucking you with his eyes. There’s no way to go around it.
“I think you’re just.. horny.” You tease, and he just growls. Seriously, this man who is undressing you with his eyes, growls, because he does want you and he is horny!
“I think you’re onto something.” He purrs, and you want to just.. god. You don’t know how to express the pit of desire that grows in you. “I would fuck you until you couldn’t think, right here among your pretty flowers. Would you like that, baby?” he asks, his hand finding your thigh.
But you just cough on the smoke from his cigar, before frowning.
“You really shouldn’t smoke.”
“Aw, I’ll make it up to you.” He smirked. “Promise, spitfire.”
He’s very close to you now, so you take a second to just breath and you know that he knows that he’s got you—hook, line, and sweet, sweet sinker.
And then you realize what exactly it is that you’ve gotten yourself into. And what a nightmare it is—Or maybe a dream if you listen to the pathetic part of your brain, but you are into this an in a way that is concerning for your own mental wellbeing and desperately want to avoid him having all the power in this situation.
“Oh, I am sure you will.” You assure. You lean forward, plucking the cigar from his lips, and placing it on the ground, squashing it beneath your heel. With a flick of your wrist, vines and grass grow over the cigar, composting it. And from the vines, grows a small little buttercup flower.
You lean down and pluck the flower from the grass, before tucking it behind Logan’s ear.
“You should take care of that hard-on you have, Claws.” You hum, before standing up, and walking away. And for a minute, he just watches you go—partly to because you have an amazing ass, but partly because you have absolutely flabbergasted him.
And have made him want you even more.
• • •
The next time you see him is the next night, in the woods near the mansion. Because the literal sixteen year olds you go to ‘school’ with do not know how to do anything on the weekend except drink, fuck, and smoke.
Honestly, you kind of fit in great.
So here you are, nursing a mason jar of.. some fucked up concoction, and you’re not too sure what’s in it, but you have drunk two of them and are on your third. You think you might live forever, until you glance up and see Logan, in these fuck me jeans and this burnt orange flannel and a wife beater.
Instantly, you know that you’ll die tonight if you don’t have him.
He approaches you with this cocky smirk as if he hasn’t realized your intoxicated state yet.
“Now what’s a little spitfire like you doing all alone on a Friday night?” he questions, tilting his head. His smirk is deadly. And you roll your eyes.
“Here comes the big bad Wolverine, all bark and no bite.” You scoff, and his eyes flash with surprise. Only for a second, but even drunk, you notice the way his eyes shoot up in surprise.
“All bark and no bite? That’s quite the accusation.” He hums.
“Well, we’ve been.. eye fucking each other for a few weeks now, and you haven’t even kissed me yet. I get being into foreplay and edging, but holy shit, Claws, throw a girl a bone once in a while.” You scoff, and for a moment, he just looks at you.
“Are you.. drunk?”
“Do you think I’m drunk?”
“Yeah, you’re drunk.” He sighs. You respond by taking another sip of your drink, but before the bitter liquor hits your tongue, he snatches the bottle from you.
“Let me take you home.” You’re sure your eyes look like hearts, so, dreamily and a little love struck, you respond,
“’Kay.”
And he chuckles a little bit at that.
“We’re not gonna do anything, I’m just gonna walk you home, spitfire.” He starts, and your face falls a little bit, but in an effort to hide it, you respond,
“..’kay.” And he sees right through you. You’re pretty much an open book. And the alcohol doesn’t help. His pointer finger and thumb comes to your chin, and he gently rubs his thumb against your lip.
“Don’t be like that, pup. It’ll happen soon. Just not tonight, okay?” He assures.
“’Kay.” You answer softly, and you think he smiles at you but your vision is sort of blurry. Then, you blink, as a gust of wind moves through the trees, sending a shiver down your spine. He sighs, and wordlessly takes off his flannel, before wrapping it around you. Your arms slip into the sleeves, and you almost cry because it’s like, the best hug in the entire world. “Won’t.. you be cold, then?” you question, and he just shakes his head.
“Let’s get you home, spitfire.” He holds a handout to you, and without a second thought, you take his hand. He wraps his arm around you, and you lean against him like it’s something the two of you do often. If you were sober, you might short circuit. But, you’re not, so it feels right.
The walk home is quiet, but Logan’s thumb gently rubs against your shoulder. He wants to do more, but he knows he shouldn’t, since you are in fact plastered.
You ignore the giggles and whispers from teenagers making their way past you to the party or to their rooms, and you even ignore the way their giggles stop when they meet Logan’s gaze.
When you get back to your room, you take a second to lean against the door, and he takes a second to admire the way you look in his clothes.
“Ready for bed?” he asks gently, and you just smile at him.
“You’re really pretty.” He just does the half scoff-half chuckle that you’re obsessed with. Then, he wraps his arm around you again, opening the door to your room, and guiding you inside. He gets you to your bed and sits you down, before kneeling in front of you to untie your boots. “Has anyone ever told you how good you look on your knees?” you ask.
He just gives you this smirk.
“One or two pretty girls back in the day.” He says, “None as pretty as you though, spitfire.” He says, and you groan, leaning back and laying on the bed, as he pulls off your boots.
“You’re awful.” And you need him.
“Yes, I know, baby.” His voice is almost condescending, and it turns you on. But then he stands up, grabbing the folded blanket from the edge of your bed, and laying it over you. He finds his place kneeling next to you again as you stare at him, cozy in bed. His hands gently brush hair from your face. “Do you need anything else?”
“You.”
“Soon. But not yet, pup. You’re too drunk.” He says softly.
“Thanks for walking me home, Claws.”
“You’re very welcome, Spitfire.” He purrs, leaning forward and kissing your forehead gently. “I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Logan.” You mumble as you drift off to sleep. He sits there for a few minutes, just looking at you for a long time before he gets up and creeps out of your room.
• • •
The next morning, you sit in the cafeteria, drinking a large coffee, and nursing the worst hangover, possibly of your life. Made even worse by the fractions of memories about what happened last night.
You rub your eyes, flinching when you hear the clatter of a plate on the table, and someone sitting across from you. You peek through the gaps of your fingers to see Logan sitting across from you, a smirk on his face.
He opens his mouth to say something but you beat him to it.
“I hate you. Shut up.”
“I didn’t even say anything!” he laughs. But he sees how much pain you’re in, and slides two pieces of sourdough toast to you. “Truce?”
“Truce.” You agree, taking a slice and biting into it. You feel better.
And after a moment of silence, he asks,
“I’m never getting my flannel back, am I?”
Truthfully, the flannel has been folded neatly and tucked into your drawer, for the next time you need some comfort.
You tilt your head, looking right into his eyes.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
• • •
Weeks go by like this.
You spend your days either going to class or hanging out—okay, it’s more like flirting with a side of hanging out, with Logan. The pair of you become quite close, and maybe that’s why you haven’t fucked yet.
Oh, the two of you want to, and it’s obvious to everyone (Charles has called you out for being distracted more times than you can count, and you remind him not to probe your mind, and he tells you he does not need his mutant abilities to see that your thoughts linger elsewhere.) but you’re.. afraid, at this point.
Which is odd, because you’re no virgin, you know he wants you, but.. what if everything changes after that? Maybe he’ll start to avoid you. Maybe you’ll start to avoid him. And you’ve really become good friends, and don’t want to lose it.
And then, there’s the fact that half the time, he’s away on dangerous missions, and even if he can regenerate, you worry about him. But he hasn’t been on any lately, so it’s like waiting for the other shoe to drop.
You’re sitting in the garden when it happens.
He finds you, and this time, you do not even try to hide the way your head picks up and gazes at him.
“Hi, Spitfire.” He grins, and you smile a bit at him.
“Claws, what can I do for you?” And he sits next to you, and for some reason, maybe because he doesn’t say anything at first, you know that there is something wrong. And you know what it is.
After a few minutes, you glance to him.
“You’re leaving, aren’t you?” Your voice is quiet, as if you’re scared that if it gets any louder, everything will fall apart.
“Yeah. Charles has me going on another mission.” He doesn’t say it, but you both know this isn’t an involuntary thing.
“Cool.” You cringe at your reaction.
“I guess.” He laughs weakly, as if he knows he’s twisting a knife buried within you.
Silence fills the air. It’s not necessarily uncomfortable, but it isn’t the relaxed silence you’re used to with him. Confessions dance on the tips of your tongues, and you’re so close to saying it, that when you turn to each other suddenly, you just need to look at each other for a second.
“Be safe.” You say quietly. “And hurry back.” You request, and you try not to sound like you’re begging.
“Of course.” He says, like it perplexes him that you even have to request. “I can’t leave you here yearning for me forever, can I?” He teases, and for a moment, you have this flash of an alternate universe where he does die on this mission and you are trapped in this garden forever, waiting for him. Like a lost puppy, or worse, a lost lover. The mere thought of it fucks with your head.
“No. You can’t. I won’t allow it.” You explain, “If anything, I’m the one that should be haunting you.” He just smiles. A real, not at all awkward smile.
“I’m sure you will, spitfire.” He says, and his head comes forward so that his forehead is resting against yours.
“When do you leave?” You ask gently, and he sighs. His breath smells of mint and cigar smoke, maybe even a hint of lemon.
“An hour. I have to pack quick and then debrief.” He answers you.
And just as love struck as you were the night of the party, you answer,
“’Kay.” You smile weakly at him. And he just.. looks at you for a few minutes before sighing again. He pulls away and leans up to kiss your forehead again, before standing up. He turns a few steps away from you just to tease you.
“Don’t miss me too much, okay?” he requests softly. Before you can stop yourself, you stand up, and wrap your arms around him. He only pauses for a half a second before he returns your embrace, and it becomes apparent that you both needed this moment. You stay like this for a few minutes before you pull away.
“Bring me back a souvenir.” You try, a soft smile on your face.
“Yeah, don’t worry. I’ll bring you something great from the great city of Tulsa, Ohklahoma.” He grins.
“Deal.”
“Deal.”
• • •
For the next week, you feel like this must be what it was like for housewives when their husbands went to war. You knew all too well that that statement was extremely dramatic, but you simply cannot help yourself.
You think you might die by day three.
It’s like you’re going through withdrawals and it’s making you go genuinely insane.
You have worn this man’s flannel for almost the entire week, because at first you’re a little self-conscious of other people noticing your repeating outfits, but only at first. By day four, you have decided you don’t give a single fuck.
Day eight you’re just laying in bed, quietly making a list of all the positions you want him to take you in. It’s a long list. You’re brought back to reality by a knock on your door. You’re about to snap, knowing that you’ll tell whatever child has been sent to bother you to scram, but when you open the door, you grin widely.
Logan stands there, looking tired, but he’s smiling and holding up a shot glass that reads ‘Tusla’, and has skyline on it.
“Didn’t I tell you I’d get you a souvenir?” He asks, and you can’t help but wrap your arms around him, pulling him in. He hugs you back, making sure to squeeze you just a bit—your feet barely come off the ground.
He pulls away, and you grin up to him.
“You came back.” You say it as if you can barely believe it, and just for a moment, he feels an emotion he can’t quite place, but he ignores it.
“Of course I came back, spitfire. All in one piece too, as requested.” He grins, and you’re just.. amazed at the look of him. “What’s that look for?” He asks gently, tilting his head.
“I just..” you start.
And then you break.
You lean up and kiss him gently, those stupidly delicious sideburns making your stomach flip. He doesn’t waste time, kissing you back, his arms around your waist. After a minute, you pull away.
“Sorry. I’m kind of done playing that game of waiting for you to kiss me. I just got the first hit of you I’ve had all week, and I feel fucking amazing.” You confess, and sure, it’s not a big grand love confession with tears and poetry, but your words make him kiss you so intensely that you start backing into your room, his hands exploring your body as you tug off his leather jacket, a new flannel for you to steal coming off soon after.
He keeps kissing you as his hands come down to your jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping them, before gently pushing you to sit on the bed. He kneels in front of you, and begins to tug off your boots again, then, on your jeans.
You grin.
“You know, I’m getting the oddest sense of déjà vu. Something about you looking great on your knees.” You tease, and he just tugs off your jeans in one strong swoop, before leaning in to bite your thigh. You gasp, your hands coming up to tug his hair.
Then, he begins to tug at your panties, and you tilt his head up, glancing at him.
“What are you doing?”
“Well, before I was interrupted, I was about to eat you out.”
“Wait, really?”
He blinks, confused.
“Yeah. Is that a, uh.. problem..?” He hasn’t gotten any complaints yet.
“I just.. I didn’t think guys actually did that, I thought it was just.. a porno thing.” And at this, the man who is about to burry his face between your thighs, laughs. And not just a chuckle, this man hollars. “What’s so funny, claws?” You ask, a little suspicious.
“Nothing,” he promises, “I am just going to take such good care of you, pup.”
“I’m holding you to that, claws.” And then, he leans in and begins to kiss your thighs, gently biting down here and there. Then, he licks a stripe along your cunt, and you let out this loud moan, and your hand comes up to clamp over your mouth, but he reaches up to grab your hand, lacing his fingers with yours.
He pulls away to lecture you. Lecture you. On his knees. Head between your thighs.
“Nuh-uh, I wanna hear all the pretty noises you can make for me.” Then, softer, he adds, “Never been eaten out before, fuckin’ travesty.” He mumbles, before leaning in to lick your cunt again, beginning to lap his tongue over your throbbing heat.
His nose rubs against your clit, and it’s enough to drive you genuinely crazy. You’re unsure how you’ve gotten to this point in your life without having your pussy worshipped like this, but with him around, you’re pretty sure you’ll never go another day without it.
His tongue continues to work magic on your cunt, as his nose presses against your clit, stimulating you to the point of making you see stars.
Your hands tug at his hair, and the moan that it elicits from him is enough to send vibrations through your cunt through your stomach. Your head leans back as you moan, and for a moment, you hope there is no mutant in this mansion with super hearing.
His free hand grips your thigh as he bends your leg back to get better access, as he continues to eat you out. The mere taste of you is enough to drive him crazy—He almost wants to start thrusting into the side of your bed, he’s so hard, but he ignores that urge to continue to eat you out.
“Mm—Lo, I—I’m gonna—”
He just hums into your cunt, giving your thigh a gentle squeeze of approval, before his tongue moves even faster (if that’s even possible, though, he is an amazingly surprising man), and suddenly—
You feel a release you have been waiting for weeks, and it is fucking phenomenal. And the Wolverine just licks up all your cum, even if it makes your thighs shake, but honestly, he doesn’t care and neither do you. For a moment, you just listen to the sound of your own pants.
After a minute, you are able to look at him, and he just looks up to you with the same smirk that has been torturing you for all of those weeks. And you just have to pull him up to kiss you, like it’s the only way you’ll be able to live.
As you kiss him, you pull off his wifebeater and then your hands rest on the sides of his face as he pulls off your shirt as well, before his hands begin to make quick work of his belt, wanting to skip all of the pleasantries and just fuck you.
But when he finally gets his jeans off, you pull away, and he stares at you like you’re crazy.
“What the fuck could possibly be more important than me fucking you stupid?”
“Will you just.. let me look at you?” You scoff, your eyes flickering over him to just memorize every square inch of his body. He humors you for a few minutes, standing there with his hands on hips before he leans in and cages you in with his arms.
“Show’s over, spitfire.” He purrs, leaning in to kiss you, slowly making his way closer to you so that you’re laying back on your bed. At some point during the kiss, his boxers come off, and when you feel his cock against your cunt, you moan into the kiss, and you can feel his smirk against your lips.
Oh, you could kill him. But, you suspect maybe he’ll get to you first.
After he kisses you for a few minutes, he pulls away to tell—not ask, tell you, “I’m going to fuck you now.” And you know your line.
“’Kay.” He grins at this and kisses you again, before lining himself up and starting slowly. He just has the tip inside of you, and you begin to moan, your grip on his shoulders tightening. You already feel entirely too full, and he slowly agonizingly slowly pushes into you, and he sees how his size makes your face twitch,
“Shh, shh, I know, pup. Deep breathes for me, bub,” he says softly, such a stark contract to his rough movements, as he bottoms out and has his entire cock inside of you. And he gives you a second, watching as your face relaces, adjusting to the size of him. “Okay?” He asks, and you nod.
“’Kay,” You assure, and he kisses your forehead.
“’Kay.” He responds, and before you can tease him for it, he begins to thrust into you, slowly as first, but he continues to quicken his pace. Your nails begin to scratch on his back, and he lets out this angelic moan—You must’ve died and went to heaven.
As his thrusts quicken, the lines quickly blur between quick ruts and an animalistic need, manifesting itself in the way he fucks you. You know you won’t last long, especially when his fingers find your clit and begin to rub it again.
“Fuck! Oh my god—”
“I know, baby, I know,” he coos, his free hand coming to your thigh to lift your leg up, only for better access to your throbbing cunt, “God, I love the feeling of you around me.. Worth the wait, I promise.” He grumbles, as he thrusts into you, his only goal to make you cum.
You want to respond to that—To tease him, to make him feel as shy as you do, but he has completed his goal of fucking you stupid.
All you can do is respond, “Fuck—I’m gonna—”
“I know, baby, go ahead, cum for me,” he requests softly, leaning in to press a rather jarringly sweet kiss to your lips.
As you cum around his cock, he shudders, the look of you, laying there fucked dumb, is almost too much for him to bear.
“I’m gonna fill you up, pup,” he tells you, and all you can do is moan in response, which makes him come that much closer to the edge. After a few more thrusts, with a euphoric moan that will haunt you forever, his hot cum fills you up, leaving the pair of you clawing at each other, wanting more.
When you’re both finally finished riding out your high, Logan lays next to you, keeping you close. His grip on you is tight—possessive. When you finally find your voice, you ask,
“You’re not gonna turn me into a booty call, are you, claws?”
And he laughs.
“No,” he says, pressing a kiss to your head. “You’re gonna be my best girl, Spitfire.”
“Does this mean I get to steal another of your flannels?”
“I’ll give you my whole fucking wardrobe to see how many times I can make you cum.”
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leieatsmen · 5 months
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📽️ YOU ARE THE DIRECTOR
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you’re literally the director, producer, muse, screenwriter and cast of your dream life, your muse is who you want to be, the screenwriter does all the work behind the scenes and the script and basically everything that goes into making the movie the movie.
what you put into your screenplay (whether it’s aff tapes, living in the end, embodying your dream life or doing sats) everything you put into your screenplay dictates the outcome of your movie (your dream life)
you literally need to be the best method actor in the world and feel your dream life so it can harden into your dream reality. when someone is preparing for a role reading the script doesn’t get them far they need to transform into that character so they can perform to the best of their abilities
make your own rules, how are other people going to tell you what to do like hello?? the law is about you and literally nobody else this is your movie who cares if you wanna do whatever you want if you think doing methods are beneficial go for it at the end of the day it’s your life and you have the power in your hands. we all want an award winning life full of success, love and happiness and it is coming!! congratulations in advance
you find manifesting difficult because you make it difficult for yourself, you complicate it for yourself by over-consuming and fixating on methods that’s why you feel stagnant!! affirm and persistence goes a long way i promise it seems like people throw around this term all the time but it’s literally true that’s what makes loa easy
”your desired state already exists but is excluded from view. an assumption brings it into sight by changing your perspective.” - neville goddard
— ༊ xtra hehe i hope this analogy makes sense at the end of the day this is your life and your creation you are in control and it is finished you have your dream life you are the director of your own life and destiny ⁺ this is literally sats but i loveeee affirming and making my own short films in my head knowing that when i wake up i will live in that moment
— ༊ i hope you find this useful!! i’ve been crazy consistent lately even im scaring myself (@etherealkissed88 definitely has some of my favorite loa content!! you should definitely follow her) that’s pretty much all i have to say have a good day/afternoon or night and good luck on your journey because it’s already done
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yumeboshi · 4 months
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𝜗𝜚。.. ❛ #HER NEW BOYFRIEND’S NEXT!
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𐙚 synopsis。.short hcs/scenarios of jealous yandere aventurine & sunday ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ
.。𝜗𝜚 cw。suggestive themes . general yandere themes, brainwashing, gaslighting in Sunday’s part, mentions of violence, mentions of scide, imprisonment, except for aventurine relationships are not established, WARNING: extremely obsessed and smitten with you, read at risk!
.。𝜗𝜚 a/n。honestly why do i think sunday will be literally the most dangerous yandere you could ask for。man has all the resources to brainwash you and lock you up pls
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#SྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིUNDAY.。
。… a classic yandere obsessed over control. 。literally, he will be such a control freak. he has eyes all over penacony. he would have already kept track of what kind of soulglad you drink, when you get home, what your sleep habit is, all under the span of a week, and that’s before meeting you. obviously, as your future spouse, he is just obtaining information he needs for the future! 。will treat you surprisingly equally to his other guests when you meet, he doesn’t want gossip to get around, and he wants to make this “process” as natural as possible. 。after you are successfully within his area of control, he will start to monitor you even more meticulously- who you meet, what you do in your dreams.. he is a bit disappointed you don’t visit him on your own accord, but that will all be arranged soon! 。will casually go up to your room to ask you about “room service satisfaction” when he’s actually just busy breathing in your lovely scent and assessing your room for any “threat.” 。he doesn’t like that you’re affecting his ability to work. he’s impatient, of course, but he knows that he will have to wait for the perfect opportunity to whisk you away like a knight in shining armor. And all he needs is a little pawn to play the act of a villain- oh, your little male acquaintance will do! 。he’s like that- using people around you as puppets to his grand stage. Sunday is well-informed about morals, of course. But he won’t feel much guilt, not when he knows this is all for the ‘greater good.’ “They” will approve of it. 。and so, he starts to crack his charming facade- he will start asking you for private meetings, and he will put you in a vip room so you are isolated. He does this under the mask of ‘danger,’ saying that you have faced too many threats and he needs to ensure his guest’s safety. 。If you call your friends for help? The next day, they are mysteriously gone from penacony. You call them but your phone is out of service. 。but if you are still not charmed over his chivalry.. he’ll have to settle for easier methods.
❝ WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?”
Your demand was choked with such pleasant sobs that SUNDAY couldn’t help but slip out a small victorious smirk that quickly masks itself to a concerned facade when you fix your angry watery eyes at him.
“I know it was you,” you continue, pacing around his office while he remains nonchalantly seated, trailing his eyes to your every step. “You made all my friends vanish from penacony, you had my parents escorted away to aeons know where, you stowed me here like I’m some kind of precious little jewelry for your eyes only. What do you want from me?” The evident snarl in your words merely makes Sunday tip his head a little, staring at you with the same serene look that frustrated you.
“Oh, sweetheart, you got it all wrong.” He shakes his head in disappointment and rose up from his seat, taking silent strides to you at an alarming speed that made you stumble backwards to the door. “‘They’ have done nothing for you during your stay in the Reverie. You are always disappointed with them, but you choose not to speak up. It is such a painful sight, you are just like a bird who lost its voice.” His voice is surprisingly gentle, dangerously neutral, which scares you, and makes you doubt yourself.
Maybe you were just being stupid, Sunday was acting like it wasn’t a big deal. And your friends indeed did not do much for you here, unlike Sunday, who provided you with all this luxury without accepting anything in return. You feel safe here, almost. You blink a little- the heat that had pounded through your ears was gone, and now you feel like a harmless puppy that just barked his best at a wolf.
“It‘s natural to be mad, dear.” His hand delicately entangles itself into your locks, and you stare at him, unable to say anything as he soothingly whispers. “It is hard to understand actions for the greater good. relax, sweetheart. Everything will be better now,” he purrs, staring right into your eyes. They are endless depths of azure. They are very, very mesmerizing, you think.
“Everything will be better now,” you realize, and you sigh into his arms that seemed to suddenly be present around you. But the worry disperses, you are fine with being close with him. His embrace is welcoming and soft. You don’t want to leave it ever again.
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#AྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིྀིVENTURINE.。
。this man takes the cake for being the most jealous man in honkai 。he’s a charmer. he wins you over easily, because who could resist his charisma and his wealth, honestly. He flirts his way easily with you— unlike Sunday, he likes an impromptu plan, and rather enjoys surprises- any attempt of you trying to break up with him will not irritate him at all, contrary to the former. 。“Your attempts fascinate me. Too bad you lost all your bargaining chips. You gonna play another round with me, love? I’m more than willing to, you know.” 。he will be pleased, intrigued at how he can break you down again. he likes a little chase and gamble, he doesn’t want his prey served on his plate, he likes the thrill of hunt. 。he’d even be impressed if you escape him. But not for long, because he will bring you back to where you belong. 。this man will barely be angry over you. He won’t force any affection onto you, he satisfies himself by buying you expensive clothes instead, as if you are his little doll. He is content with you being a quiet and submissive trophy. 。what this man does not tolerate, however, is you being with anyone else. He cannot bear the thought that someone is around you more than he is, and that you rely on someone more than you rely on him. Aventurine has pride over his abilities, anyone taking you is like taking his most precious trump card. 。despite the jealousy he feels, he will still regard this as a particularly entertaining game. But he knows he will win this gamble, too.
❝ AH, IT’S SUCH A THRILLING GAME, ISN’T IT, SWEETHEART?”
You watch AVENTURINE toss the coin into the air and roll it around his fingers, his mesmerizing eyes examine the bitter look of defeat on your features.
“This isn’t funny,” you sobbed, despair dawning on you upon realizing that you truly lost everything to him. You had no more moves left in this game he put you in. He was merciful enough to spare your blood relatives, but your friends were gone- including the nice and sweet, innocent guy you shared friendly banter with for barely an hour.
“A gamble is fair and share, love.” He puts his hand on your waist, giving you a short kiss that tasted of wine. You felt nothing but defeat as he tossed the coin on the table where it flopped. “You just picked the wrong set of cards to play with.”
He is close to you all of a sudden, his hot breath tickling your skin, smelling of victory and wealth. His eyes stare right into you as he chuckles, the sadistic glint in his eyes glitter a little more when you feel a tear escape your eye. He leans to your ear, lightly biting your earlobe as he adds,
“Nobody wins with a deck with only clovers, my love. A shame that your cards were so… discardable.”
He laughs at that, watching your stunned face. He loves the look of surprise on you. It is endearing, it shows so well that you do not know how to play his game at all.
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crushmeeren · 16 days
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MEN WHO ARE SECRETLY PUSSY HOUNDS. (✿˶˘ ³˘)
⋆ ft. izuku, tamaki, megumi, tobio 𓌹-𓌺
master list link
࣪ . ˖˙ 𖥦 I kind of hate this…… and I made it way too long on accident. But once I started I wanted so badly to finish it, so….. please enjoy while I crawl into a hole. (՞߹ - ߹՞)
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Izuku never fails to stand tall in the face of whatever comes his way. The man is an unyielding force in his resolve if he believes in what he’s doing.
Such a statement is simply a fact of life. It’s like declaring that the sky is blue, grass is green, and Midoriya Izuku happens to be the single most determined man you’d ever met.
He’s clever, wicked smart and, as he’s gotten older, he’s managed to get a handle on his nervous stuttering and rambling.
Hell, if you watched him in an interview now, you wouldn’t think to associate him with the humiliating first interview he’d had right out of school that managed to make him go viral overnight. The comments were not kind.
So, as calm and well spoken as Izuku is today, you never expected him to be such a….. such a pussy hound for you. It’s the best way you can describe it.
Izuku fucking loves that tight little pussy of yours in such a gut wrenching manner that he day dreams about it often enough it’s resulted in Bakugou smacking him upside the head to “pay fucking attention,” more than once during department meetings.
The scenarios that run rampant through his mind are more than enough to send all his blood rushing below his bellybutton while he’s at his desk. With the way his stomach clenches and the ache that burns and nags at him to just get. inside. your. fucking. pussy. — well, he’s sure his briefs are sticking to the tip of his cock in the most lewd way.
So, Izuku takes a long lunch.
Just like that, as soon as he gets home, Izuku becomes the stuttering, blushing, babbling mess he was not so long ago. He strides into your kitchen, snaking his arms around your waist and groans when he smells the sweet vanilla scent of your lotion on your neck.
You easily let him grip your hips and lift you up onto the edge of the counter, fingers slipping into your soft sleep shorts and tugging them down and off your ankles. Izuku kisses you frantically, shoving his pants to mid thigh and allowing his cock to bob free and smack his stomach.
He shivers, giving you the prettiest high pitched whine that shoots straight to your pussy when his heavy dick starts stretching you a bit too eagerly. His lips part and his cheeks blossom with a blush so intense you’re sure steam will come from his ears as he bottoms out.
It’s too much too quickly and when you hiss, sinking your nails into his shoulders, all he can do is bury his face in your throat and whimper in apology. You can tell he’s desperate when his voice starts to shake and his hips thrust in shallow motions controlled by a mind of their own.
He babbles, “M’sorry princess, m’so sorry! Your pussy’s so good squeezing my cock, I can’t stay still. God — oh my god, please please let me fuck you!”
It’s fruitless to resist his begging. So suffice to say, you let your blubbering, stupidly hot, pussy hound of a husband use you until you’re both curling your toes and seeing stars.
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Tamaki is shy on a good day.
He blushes bubblegum pink, he stammers, he avoids eye contact to the absolute best of his ability during interviews. Of course, he does manage to put on a more approachable front to face the public. If only to show impressionable children that if he can be brave, then they can, but still he struggles with his own anxiety.
It’s only common sense that everyone assumes you’re the more dominate one in the bedroom, and well, they aren’t wrong, per se.
But, there are two sides to every coin, and Tamaki is nothing if not a pussy hound for you.
Granted, his inner dog only comes out every so often, and even then he’s still a desperate puppy who seems to wiggle his way into having control.
And tonight, that’s where you find yourself.
Tamaki swears he can’t help it.
“T-Tamaki, stop!” You push at his shoulders, the warmth of his slick chest presses firmly against your tits and it does not help your resolve in any way. “Let me finish washing my hair at least,” you protest weakly, steam curling up into the air around you both, blanketing the shower in a fog.
Tamaki whines childishly into your throat, sucking at the hollow of it until you shudder in his hold. His fingers tighten on your hips, thumbs tracing the bone softly.
“Please pretty girl, I need you so bad. I wanna feel your pussy sucking on my cock. I’ve wanted it all day,” he pleads against your collarbone, voice pitching higher, dragging out the words at the end as he complains continuously.
He’s been at this for almost the entirety of your mutual shower and, really, it’s not as if you don’t want to have sex with him, you just wanted to finish cleaning off first! Decidedly, you lace your fingers in his drenched purple hair and yank until he pulls back and meets your gaze.
His face is a pretty rosy pink and his eyes are so hooded they’re almost shut, no trace of your shy husband to be found as he stares you down with a searing heat.
Within a heart beat of your agreement he spins you, pushing a hand into the middle of your back and tugging on your hip until your ass is sticking out. You yelp, catching yourself with palms meeting cool tile.
His cock is full and jumps steadily when he rolls his hips to drag it over the lips of your pussy, gasping softly and hanging onto your waist with an iron grip until his weeping tip catches. Then he’s sliding inside and stretching you out completely with one sharp thrust.
One low moan of his name and Tamaki’s wrenching you back to meet each desperate push of his hips. The smack of your skin is so loud it makes your face burn, and the force of it pulls you up onto your toes to keep your balance. This man’s got you biting your fingers just to keep yourself grounded.
Your poor husband’s been so worked up all day that when his panting turns into stuttered breaths and cut off whimpers after about three minutes, you’re not surprised.
“Oh, oh god, I’m gonna cum baby, wanna cum inside. Please can I?” He pleads, eyes glued to where his cock disappears inside your pussy and returns even shinier than before.
He’s crying out, shoving his dick to the root inside you and stuffing you full before you finish nodding yes.
But, it doesn’t bother you much that he finished so fast. Soon after, a soft, warm tongue starts playing with your clit, lazily eating your pussy until you’re licked clean of his release and squirting on his face.
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Megumi pretends to be aloof. He pretends that he’s cool, collected, and apathetic. As if nothing ruffles his feathers, and to give him credit, he can be those things.
Yet, he’s also much more. Once you sneak past his prickly exterior, Megumi is the kind of guy who cares so violently that he has to pretend he doesn’t or it’ll tear him to shreds. Actions speak louder than words with him.
Most people aren’t privy to the softer side of your sweet husband and he maintains his uncaring attitude to the majority nonetheless. Like it’s some kind of secret.
So you’re sure people would be unfathomably shocked to find that Megumi can and has, on several occasions, dissolved into a messy, needy, unraveled pussy hound when it comes to you.
When Megumi falls into this sort of mood, he really lets go. He’s been sending you increasingly toe curling texts and pictures all day while you were at work and you just knew what was coming once you returned home.
You find the dark haired man sitting on your couch, shorts and briefs shoved to his thighs and t-shirt rumpled at his collar bone. Slender fingers curl tightly around his cock, jerking himself off slowly, a delicious peachy blush trailing from his cheeks to his nipples.
His head raises up when he spots you, eyes heavy and smoldering when he reaches a hand out to you and makes a grabbing motion.
“C’mere baby, want you so bad,” he murmurs pitifully, hips rolling up to meet his hand when he drags it back down his shaft. You raise an eyebrow in amusement and he pushes out his lower lip.
“You need it that bad Megumi?” You tease, sauntering over to the couch to get a better look at him. He scowls in return but his hand never leaves his cock, thumb swiping over the head which makes him bite harshly onto his lower lip.
He sinks down a little lower into the couch, brows pinched together to emphasize his pretty little pout. “Don’t be mean. Just ride me.” He pauses, eyeing you. “Please.”
“Awfully demanding for someone who needs my pussy so badly, aren’t you?” The smug smile on your face makes Megumi huff indignantly.
You don’t waste much more time teasing after that, too riled up from all the nasty texts he’d sent you throughout the day.
You strip off your clothes until you’re bare. Megumi kicks off his shorts and yanks his shirt off in similar fashion, tossing them aside carelessly. You crawl onto the couch and straddle his lap, raising on your knees and steadying him at the base until you smoothly sit all the way down on his cock.
Megumi’s hands fly to your waist, head tossing backwards and eyes rolling back with a throaty moan when he finally gets the unrelenting tight squeeze on his dick that he’s been longing for since he woke up this morning.
You thread a hand through the hair at the base of his skull and pull until he looks you straight in the eye. He looks pussy drunk already with his glassy eyes and pink cheeks, jaw hanging open as his chest heaves. To think, you haven’t even moved yet.
You ride him slowly at first, listening to his bitten off gasps each time you sit back down. When you start to pick up the pace, Megumi’s eyes widen and his nails pinch your hips.
Megumi pleads with you to no avail. “Oh fuck, your pussy feels amazing princess, I can’t.” His voice takes on the whiny quality that you adore. “Please, s-slow down baby or I’m gonna cum.”
You don’t slow down. You kiss him sweetly, brace a hand on one shoulder, tangle the other in his hair again and fuck him until his breaths are shuddering remnants of a sob and he’s limp on the couch beneath you.
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Tobio, without sugar coating it, is arrogant. Don’t get it wrong, he absolutely can back that confidence up with the seemingly natural intelligence he has when it comes to volleyball, but he’s clueless with relationships. Not to mention he has zero filter.
But he’s kind. He’s sweet, and you love Tobio so much for trying his very best to understand the ins and outs of what it means to be a good boyfriend to you. He becomes such an easygoing version of himself when he’s alone with you and you get more enamored with him by the day.
That’s why you’re sure people, mainly Hinata, would pay good money for the information that “the king” is a desperate fiend for you. Your very own personal pussy hound.
Tobio commands the court, but he melts into the mattress and becomes something akin to putty when you have sex.
Your usually indifferent boyfriend has been persistently begging you all night to sit on his face and now that you are, you wonder why you didn’t do it sooner.
“Jesus Tobio, you’re so good at eating pussy — fuck,” you praise, voice slipping into a whine as you roll your hips to drag your swollen clit over his velvet tongue. Your fingers tangle in silky black hair and pull until Tobio’s eyes flutter shut with a husky moan.
One of his hands slide from your hip to your ass and he spanks you harshly, grabbing a handful before he moves it down to squeeze the base of his cock.
You keep your heavy lidded gaze on his pretty face, chest rising and falling with choked off gasps the closer you get to cumming. Tobio licks lazily at your pussy, pushing his tongue inside you and then sucking on your clit.
He cracks open his eyes and his stare makes you feel as if warm honey rushes through your veins instead of blood. His cotton candy pink cheeks paint him as the picture of pussy drunk between your thighs, whimpering when you yank on his hair that much rougher.
It doesn’t take much more for you to cum with a shiver and then Tobio’s wildly shoving you down his body until his heavy cock is nestled against your pussy.
“Baby please,” Tobio whines, large hands kneading your ass and spreading you until cool air brushes over you. “I was good yeah? So let me put my cock inside you.”
“Why should I? You’re already about to cum, aren’t you Tobio? Just from eating a little pussy.” You can’t resist the urge to tease him, tone dripping in condescension and a wolfish grin tugging at your lips.
He glances at the wall with a frown, blush roaring back to life with a vengeance but the cock twitching rhythmically between your thighs contradicts his petty actions.
“You’re gonna cum as soon as you get inside of me.”
Your boyfriend shoots you a halfhearted glare. “No, I’m not.”
Tobio, in fact, does cum the instant you sit all the way down on his cock. His voice cracks when he does, a sweet cry of your name falling from his lips.
Lucky for you, he stays rock hard afterwards, and he only looks a little dazed. Tobio flips you both and fucks you until your pussy is raw and he has nothing left to give.
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sacerdotessa · 9 months
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Midheaven in signs
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Don’t plagiarize, you were born original, don’t die a copy.
I'm back with a new post after a very long time! I missed my tumblr community so much, I'm going to post new things soon!
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Aries Midheaven:
you’re such a competitive individual and an innovator, you’re not afraid of taking risks and being bold. It’s hard for you to depend on other people, you need to be your own leader when it comes to your career. The perfect career path involves a lot of action and dynamism, following every day the same routine is not something that appeals you. As a driven individual, you thrive on challenges and are always seeking new opportunities to grow and learn. You have a natural ability to think outside of the box and come up with innovative solutions to problems. You're not afraid to take risks and push yourself outside of your comfort zone, because you know that's where growth happens. When it comes to your career, you're not content with simply following the crowd. You need to be in control of your own destiny and chart your own path. You have a strong sense of purpose and direction, and you're not afraid to pursue your dreams with relentless determination. The perfect career for you is one that allows you to constantly evolve and adapt. You need to be challenged, stimulated, and engaged in your work on a daily basis. With your competitive spirit and innovative mindset, you're sure to make a real impact in whatever career path you choose
Taurus Midheaven:
Your top priorities are stability, enjoying life and being creative. You prefer to approach your career methodically, following a routine is not something that bothers you. You have amazing taste and expressing your creativity is very important for you. You might enjoy a career path that involves aesthetics and creativity, you might also enjoy a job that revolves around food (you might be a great chef). You should choose a career that aligns with your priorities and natural abilities, for example, exploring opportunities in the creative arts. You could pursue a career as a graphic designer, interior decorator, or fashion designer. Alternatively, you may find fulfillment in the culinary arts, either as a chef or food stylist. Whatever path you choose, be sure to focus on finding a work-life balance that allows you to enjoy the stability and creative expression that you value most. Remember, the most fulfilling career is one that brings you joy and satisfaction in all aspects of your life.
Gemini Midheaven:
You’re such a curious and multitalented individual, you might enjoy exploring multiple career paths during your lifetime. You’re talented when it comes to communications, media, journalism and anything that’s connected with writing. Routine is something that annoys you, you should choose a career path that involves a variety of activities. You’re also extremely expressive, you might be a talented actor. There are many career options that could suit your unique set of skills and interests. You should also consider pursuing a career in public relations or marketing because these fields often involve a mix of writing, communication, and creativity. Another option to consider is working in the entertainment industry, where your expressive nature and love for variety could be put to good use. You could explore opportunities in acting, directing, or even producing. With your natural curiosity and multitalented abilities, the possibilities are endless. Don't be afraid to try new things and explore different paths.
Cancer Midheaven:
Nurturing and taking care of those around you feels like a life mission for you. You’re such an empathetic soul, connecting with those around you and being sure that you’re working on making the world a better place is very important for you. You might be interested in a career that involves being around children or those who need support. Your natural inclination towards empathy and compassion makes you an ideal candidate to work with individuals who need emotional support and care. A career in counseling, social work, or education could be a fulfilling path for you to explore. You have the ability to connect with others on a deep level and understand their needs, making it easier for you to provide the necessary support and guidance. Additionally, your warm and nurturing personality would be a valuable asset in any team or workplace environment.
Leo Midheaven:
You’re such an ambitious individual and you love being in the spotlight. You’re a natural-born leader and you constantly need to attract other people's attention. You might be a good actor, singer or influencer. Being popular and influential seems to be some of your biggest goals. However, it's important to remember to use your platform for good. As a leader and influencer, you have the power to positively impact and inspire others. Consider using your talents and popularity to promote important causes or raise awareness about issues that matter to you. Remember, with great power comes great responsibility. It's also important to stay grounded and humble, and not let fame or attention get to your head. Stay true to yourself and your values, and continue to work hard towards your goals while also making a positive impact on the world.
Virgo Midheaven:
You prefer a career path that brings you stability instead of one that brings you power and fame. Being in the spotlight is not something that appeals you and you prefer to help others instead of being at the center of the attention. Being helpful is very important for you, being a doctor or working in the healthcare field seems to be perfect for you. You might consider becoming a nurse, a physical therapist, or a medical assistant. You might also be interested in working with animals (becoming a veterinarian). If you have a passion for nature, you might consider a career in conservation or environmental science. Whatever path you choose, you can be sure that your desire to help others and make a difference in the world will be fulfilled.
Libra Midheaven:
You might be interested in working in a field connected with communication or art (you might be a great graphic designer), you might also be an amazing stylist or director, you know how to connect the right people and coordinate a team. You’re such a creative person and you love to express yourself, you’re also amazing when it comes to discovering other people's talents and valorizing them. You prefer facts over feelings and you have a logical mind, you might be a good lawyer. Don't be afraid to explore different options and take risks in order to find the right fit for you. Whether it's in the realm of communication, art, or law, there are countless opportunities available for those with this placement. Remember to stay true to yourself and never stop learning and growing in your chosen field. With hard work and perseverance, you can achieve great things and make a positive impact on the world around you.
Scorpio Midheaven:
You’re such a private person, being in the spotlight is not something that appeals you, and working behind the scenes seems to be a better option. You’re such a deep person who enjoys mysteries and taboos, you might be an amazing investigator, surgeon or psychologist. You’re not afraid of taking responsibility and making tough decisions, which makes you a great leader. Your ability to analyze situations and think critically also makes you an asset in any team. Your calm and composed demeanor in high-pressure situations is admirable. You have a great sense of empathy and understanding towards others, which is a valuable trait in any profession. Your dedication and hard work have helped you achieve success in your career, and your determination will continue to take you further.
Sagittarius Midheaven:
You’re an explorer and learning new things seems to be one of your biggest passions. You might be an amazing teacher, those around you love to hear you talking about what makes you feel passionate. You might explore many different career path during your lifetime and you seems to be kinda lucky when it comes to money and finding good opportunities. Your career could also revolve around traveling and exploring new places. Your adventurous spirit is what sets you apart from others. You thrive on the excitement of discovering new things and visiting uncharted territories. You have a natural curiosity and a thirst for knowledge that drives you to explore different cultures, cuisines, and ways of life. Your love for learning is contagious and people around you are drawn to your enthusiasm. As a teacher, you have a unique ability to make complex concepts easy to understand. You have a way with words that captivates your audience and makes them feel excited to learn. Your career path may take you in many different directions, but one thing is for sure – you will never be bored.
Capricorn Midheaven:
You’re extremely ambitious and kinda “obsessed” when it comes to your career. Your reputation is very important for you, being perceived as someone who is important and influential is one of your biggest goals. You have a solid work ethic. You might be interested in finance or business. You’re an amazing leader, you tend to be admired by those around you for your success. However, it's important to remember that success isn't everything. While ambition is a great quality, it's also important to take breaks and prioritize self-care. It's okay to step back and reassess your goals and priorities. Don't forget to give yourself credit for how far you've already come. Remember that being a good leader also means being able to take care of yourself and those around you. Keep striving for success, but don't forget to enjoy the journey along the way.
Aquarius Midheaven:
You’re attracted to unconventional paths, not everybody are going to understand your job. You might try many different career during your lifetime, you’re someone who gets easily bored, starting again is something that makes you feel excited. You might work with technology (you might be a software engineer) or social network, you’re attracted to every jobs that involves technology, innovation and communication. Don't be afraid to take risks and try new things, but also be mindful of your long-term goals and aspirations. With your unconventional mindset and willingness to explore, you're sure to find a career path that suits you and makes you feel fulfilled. Keep an open mind and embrace the journey ahead!
Pisces Midheaven:
You’re not such a consistent person when it comes to your career, living in a capitalistic society is very hard for you. You’re such a creative person with a deep and insightful personality, you love to take care of others and you also love to express yourself through art. You might be an amazing artist and many people could feel inspired by your creations. You might also be a great therapist who has the ability to understand and empathize with others on a deep level. Whatever path you choose, it's important to remember that your unique perspective and talents are valuable and can make a positive impact on those around you. Don't be afraid to pursue your passions and explore different avenues until you find the career that truly fulfills you. With your creativity and caring nature, there's no limit to what you can achieve.
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punksocks · 11 months
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To Tame The Untamable: Lilith & Obsession Pt.2- The Placements
*Just based on my experiences, please only take what resonates
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Ok my whole preamble can be found here. That’s all my philosophical reasoning, and my breakdown of the why of what makes people obsessed with Lilith energy. now here’s the placements.
-Natal Placements that can make others obsessed with you:
-Lilith in 1st/conjunct Asc: you’re divisive by accident. People always love you or hate you, but everyone has an opinion on you whether they actually know you or not. You embody Lilith’s dark, rebellious, and sensual femininity without even trying. You probably have a figure that turns heads as well. You come off as fiery and intimidating. Others get enamored and fixated on you. The tricky part can come with invoking such strong reactions in others, a fan can easily turn into an enemy. This can happen just as easily in reverse as well.
-Lilith in 10th/conjunct MC: You come off as controversial as you are powerful. You walk into a room and everyone feels the weight of your presence before you even say a word. Truly the embodiment of boss b*tch energy and you don’t have to try. Your presence demands respect and can easily intimidate others, even potential suitors. Even when you’re at your least confident you’re formidable, at your most confident you’re untouchable.
-Lilith in 7th: You’re a charmer by nature. You may find yourself at the center of controversial attention and scandal in relationships. It’s easy for you to persuade others into doing what you want them to. People may always want to be the one to tame you and to get you to settle down with them but you’re hard to get a hold of.
-Lilith in 4th: You grew up with adults viewing you as competition (which was like super inappropriate for them to do). You may have learned about using your looks/energy as a weapon for survival from an early age. A lot of people are fascinated with the way you handle your home life. You probably give a lot of people fantasies about settling down with you, but they get afraid/intimidated by what that could mean and how that could impact their families (the ones they already have and the ones they hope to have in the future)
-Lilith in 8th: Scorponic themes here. Lilith triggers obsession easily in this house, for both the native and others. Here deep aspects of taboo/shadow desires can be revealed by Lilith’s exposing energy. I feel like this is one of those house placements for Lilith that makes the native have a lot of scandalous experiences in their connections. This is the energy that draws people into you and compels them to do whatever they can to stay with you.
-Lilith in 12th: This points to being on a lot of people’s subconscious minds. Fulfilling a lot of fantasies with the neptunean themes of the house combined with Lilith’s ability to draw out the shadow side of people’s desires. This is also a house that keeps a lot of its energy hidden and tends to hide a lot of people’s reactions to the native, so this is a strong indicator of having secret admirers. Being the girl of their dreams but being relegated to their fantasies.
-Lilith opposition/square Asc: The tension here between the native’s ascendant and Lilith placement creates this energy that’s impactful, too hot to handle even. Many feel intimidated and exposed by your presence alone. You come off as someone that can’t control their own s*x appeal. Untamable in the truest sense, because you can’t even control the energy. When you try to downplay it, it leaks out and makes people suspicious, they assume you must be hiding something and they’re compelled to find out. When you embrace it, you become a force of nature. Like combustion sustained. Many want to compete with you and be the ones to subdue your energy. To be the ones to best you. But they can’t. Not even you can. And it can quickly drive others over the edge. (Sidenote: I feel like this is also the hardest Lilith energy to romanticize, with this placement self awareness becomes one of your most pertinent tools. If you are unaware of yourself this energy can set you in fire, make you outcast yourself or turn manipulative to others due to what you’ve gone through. If you are unaware of others, this can put you in danger because they react in the strongest of ways- instinctively they feel disgust or obsession towards you. It’s a harrowing energy to carry)
-Lilith in fixed signs (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius): This is just a theory of mine, but I’ve noticed that for fixed Lilith signs they often have to find balance to avoid getting obsessed with expressing or repressing their fixed Lilith energy. When others come into play, I feel as though they too get fixated. Fixated with how you present yourself when they know you, fixated on how your energy effects them, stuck on you/how they perceive you in general. This is strongest/most obsessive with Lilith in Scorpio imo.
-Lilith in water signs (cancer, scorpio, pisces): I’ve come to interpret Lilith in water signs as having this emotional/subconscious effect. It’s not as explosive as other elements, but it ends up being more permeating. Still waters run deep. The type of connection that leaves you either so emotionally affected or emotionally devastated that you feel it forever. This one never leaves you.
-Lilith in fire signs (aries, leo, sagittarius): Nearly the opposite as above, Lilith in fire signs is the effect of that spark- pure heat- and it rarely lasts, that’s the maddening part. If water signs impress upon your subconscious because they’re so emotionally permeating, then fire signs hit you with a huge burst of energy then you’re left chasing that high for ages. It’s the sultry woman you never see again, or the adventurer who ran off before you could tether yourself to them. It’s a burst of that heat and then it’s gone. Or you’re afraid it’ll leave you. The idea is devastating and then you’re even more hooked than you were before.
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-Synastry that can kick off obsession:
-Lilith conjunct their sun/moon/asc: The feeling of meeting someone that illuminates this hidden side of you. Freeing but terrifying. Knowing someone that holds all of this power to draw out the unseen. And how this will play out tends to depend on the maturity of both parties. For Ascendant when it’s positive, the ascendant person feel empowered by the Lilith person to act and react from a place they were too afraid to before, like they could pursue what they desire without shame through this connection. The Lilith person will feel like they have room to take up space and express parts of their expression they couldn't before, they’ll feel more seen and understood. When it’s negative, the ascendant person will resent how the Lilith person expresses themselves, the Asc person will feel envious of the Lilith person’s up front nature and/or the Lilith person will embody traits they deeply resent but are attracted to. The ascendant person can become obsessed with traits the Lilith person has that repels and attracts them. For Sun, when it’s positive the Lilith person will illuminate the Sun person’s hidden drive, the things that motivate them to express their personality in a way that we’re afraid to before, and the Lilith person will feel lighter and brighter in the sun person’s presence and may become more forgiving/less ashamed of their own shadow side. When it’s negative, the sun person will resent the Lilith person’s drive and personality and the sun person will feel the need to compete with and shame the Lilith person. The Lilith person may feel exposed and will become resentful and belittling to the sun person. The sun person can become obsessed with outdoing the Lilith person and attracting more praise/attention than they do. For moon, when it’s positive the moon person can feel like an emotional freedom with the Lilith person, even if there’s an intensity there the moon person can reveal a side of their deepest selves that only really makes sense between them and the Lilith person. The Lilith person can feel nurtured and the rare chance to feel safe while being vulnerable, they’ll feel deeply emotionally at home with moon person. When it’s negative, the moon person can grow codependent and use the Lilith person as an emotional crutch for their shadow side/insecurities, they can feel like the Lilith person expressing themselves is a personal/emotional attack on the moon person and their vulnerabilities. The Lilith person can feel trapped, emotionally appeasing the moon person. The Lilith person can become manipulative and play on this hidden side of the moon person as well. Maybe the most unhealthy out of all of these when it’s an underdeveloped connection. The moon person can become controlling and obsessive over the emotional solace they feel for the Lilith person and they can easily become possessive.
-Lilith harsh aspects (square/opposition/conjunct) to their Venus: The Venus person never imagined they would fall for the Lilith person, the Lilith person is everything they’re ashamed to be romantically attracted to (some sort of taboo like race, age, social class, etc). The Lilith person has embodied temptation for the Venus person and now the Venus person is hooked, not that they’d ever admit it. The whole connection can have this taboo/forbidden feeling to it whether it’s scandalous or not. The Venus person often has some sort of conflict with who they pictured settling down with and who the Lilith person actually is. The Venus person tends to get obsessed when they can’t find that Lilith person in any other romantic options. They still may resist settling down but they’ll keep coming back. (Pro tip: don’t let them use you- but that’s just an -opinion-)
-Lilith harsh aspects to their Mars: Very similar to above but it’s more likely that the connection is more motivated by s*xual chemistry. The mars person clicks on a level of intimacy that they are unable to with almost anyone else with the Lilith person. The Lilith person can feel deeply desired by the mars person, in turn. The mars person will feel exposed by the darker sides of what they crave intimately being brought to light in their connection to the Lilith person. The mars person may feel especially challenged by the Lilith person, in terms of dominance/power/control. No matter the actual dynamics at hand, the mars person may never feel like they have enough control over the connection and this may make them more agitated/competitive with the Lilith person. The mars person can become obsessive over the strength of the connection and feeling powerless over it.
-Lilith harsh aspects to the Moon: Similar to the Venus and Mars aspects, this would have the most emotional motivation out of all of the connections. The Moon person would have an emotional side of themselves exposed by the Lilith person. If they’re the type to never get emotionally attached then suddenly they’re in their feelings about the Lilith person. If they’re trying not to do anything long term, then they’re considering a life with the Lilith person (the inverse could occur too, with Lilith’s tendency to attract scandal). The Lilith person would find their emotions and vulnerability challenged but may express some unseen side of themselves with the moon person. Could lead to a manipulative and codependent connection if both parties are underdeveloped. The moon person may become obsessive over how much depth they had in their connection with the Lilith person, especially if they can’t get that feeling again.
-Lilith squaring/opposing the angles (1st, 4th, 7th, 10th): The Lilith person will challenge the ways the house person lives and perceives the world/operates throughout their lives. Like how they interpret their experiences and perceive things (1st). How they consider their family and their home, and what feels like home (4th). Their attitudes and actions in relationships and partnerships (7th). How their public image is and what their reputation is, and their career and what it means to them (10th). The obsession usually comes from the “you can never go back to how things used to be” feeling that the Lilith person leaves the house person with. Could be expressed as resentment or being bewildered by this new way of seeing/experiencing things.
-Lilith conjunct their 8th house: The Lilith person can quite easily make the house person feel exposed. They can learn what digs deep at the house person and what triggers them. What darkness they’re hiding. What the house person is obsessed with. Easy aspect for a relationship/connection with a lot of power plays.
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estrellogy · 4 months
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Astro Notes Pt. 4
Thank you to everyone who participated in the poll!
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- Both water and air signs, especially risings here, are good at mirroring others. But they often evoke different responses. Water signs are often projected on because like water, they reflect directly what energy others are giving out. Water deals more with subconscious emotions and energies that others may not even be aware of themselves. Air signs, on the other hand, mimic and adapt. They are social chameleons who know what’s expected from them. That’s why they are often well-liked.
- Scorpio placements, especially sun and rising, if underdeveloped, can pride themselves on their manipulation skills and how good they are at lying. They are extremely emotionally intelligent, observant, and aware of their environment. These are the keys to be a good manipulator. However, when they mature, they’ll use these natural abilities in much more productive ways. They grow to value truth and integrity above all else because they’ve experienced the other side of it.
- Personal experience: I have Moon in 9th house and traveling is so intertwined with my life. Two out of three siblings on my dad’s side (my dad and his sister) work in the airline industry, so they travel all the time as part of their jobs. My mom is a Sagittarius moon and she loves traveling. She would let me skip school sometimes to travel. It’s so interesting to see how astrology is not only reflected in an individual’s chart but is connected through generations.
- Speaking of 9th house. I have a theory that if you want to improve your social skills and charisma, work with your 9th house energy. People usually focus on their 1st, 7th, and 10th house because they are social/relationship houses. Maybe 3rd house since it focuses directly on communication. But 9th house is the house of higher learning, philosophy, and hope. I think we often connect best with others when we discuss about our own life philosophies, our live experiences and lessons, and our hopes and dreams. 9th house represents such an interesting and expansive part of us that’s often overlooked. I think 9th house is where our human spirit is stored.
When you’re deeply connected to this well of positivity, wouldn’t you naturally become charismatic and interesting and fun? That’s why Sagittarius is such a charming sign. Even though it’s not ruled by the beautiful Venus or glamorous Neptune, it radiates light. Work with your 9th house to unlock your own charm. It is that which attracts people.
- Sun sextile Pluto women have a very subtle way of getting people to do what they want. They don’t try to dominate or force, but they play into their natural strengths. For example, if they notice that people respond well whenever they come across as innocent/childlike, they’ll play more into it. They don’t alter their authentic self but more like, they add spice to it. Sun trine Pluto does this more naturally, sometimes without even realizing. But sextile is much more intentional.
They’re usually quite playful and flirty individuals. They gain power without people noticing. Sometimes, they even give up a little bit of power, become intentionally vulnerable, while gaining the upper hand without the other person knowing. They truly understand power = influence, not control. Fascinating people to observe.
- Taurus will take their time. That’s why they’re master seducers. They don’t make their suitors wait simply to play games. They are genuinely picky and know their worth. Like any earth sign, they know the value of time, especially theirs. So they would rather wait to see if the other person is worth it than jump blindly into it and have their time wasted. It also helps that they are so sensual and tempting, which comes from being deeply connected to their physical senses and body. They radiate feminine power. Venus in 2nd house also applies.
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malehypnofantasy · 2 months
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My husband moved us together from our beautiful Moroccan countryside life to this inhospitable and lonely American metropolis to pursue his lifelong dream. The accumulating wealth left me with lonelier times and less moment with him as his job drowned him while he decided to boarded the twins to this private boarding school where most of his friends placed their kids into. The isolation he confined me into when we started here caused me to be practically friendless and it's not like my English is that fluent. I also hated how people perceived me due to my look and background, so I eventually "resigned" from the peering public eye and never really went out unless it's very necessary. So, can you blame me when I tapped into my ancestral roots and decided to forge my own happiness?
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Hany here is just the latest addition of my growing collection, and I love how his cockiness is just so infectious everytime I phased my consciousness into him, I simply felt like I have no more worries in the world
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It's always a delight for me to just be out there, no shirt on and having the ability to move my muscles the way men can do all of the amazing tricks that their bodies can pull off.
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Hany, my cocky bachelor neighbor, is quite a tricky one to capture as he's mostly alert for most of the time. But when he knocked on my door one night with my husband nowhere in sight, clearly drunk from the way he slurred his words and the intense smell of alcohol mixed with his musk, I took that opportunity. Instead of taking him back to his unit, I phased out from my body and went straight to met his soul. The weakened and half-conscious state of the soul allowed me to simply moved him aside and planted my control over his physique. Then, from there, I use Hany's body to give my frozen body a kiss as a way to build a "connecting bridge" as my soul transferred back to my body but at the same time, our body is connected. Ever since that moment, I can simply drowse off or focused myself a bit to be able to feel what Hany is feeling or even better, controlling his body right away to do what I want him to do
It wasn't this powerful and complex at first. My earliest subject was this drained construction worker that I saw everyday working on the site a couple building from mine. I've tried to phase out a couple times before but none of it worked because I realized that the soul and/or the body managed to resist me. So, looking at the hard-working men in hard hat and hi-viz, I decided to took a leap of faith and phased out from my body. Why I selected the body in particular? For starter, I saw him smoking weed before, and not just once, so I deduced that he probably smoked his fair share of weed for the day and the cigarette in his mouth meant that he's in a sort of relaxed state.
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Other reason? Well, I heard him once in the bodega talking about his "fucked sleeping schedule" and the lack of "sex from the noisy demanding bitch" of a girlfriend who worked the same graveyard shift with him as of now, so I knew he must be stressed and mentally drained. Sounds like an easy target, and he was that easy, I slipped in and out of him for 1 month straight with no resistant
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So many firsts happened when I was inside Dezz. My first (I lost count on how many times after just 2 weeks) orgasm as a man, my first sex with a girl, my first deadlift, my first fight, just endless adventure. I also learned about building the connection during my time inside Dezz. It's simply out of pure instinct and in a the spirit of experimentation, but I tried to transfer back in a more discreet and less exhaustive manner so I booked this motel and left the door unlocked, phased into Dezz and then drove his truck to the said motel as I basically made out with myself. When our lips connected and even before Dezz cock slipped into me, I found myself staring at Dezz scruffy face right before he passed out. I ran away from that motel room, sensing something is different from that kiss, but I brushed it off and let Dezz sorted himself out back to whatever routine he's having. Later that evening, around an hour or so before the time Dezz started his shift and as I tried to get some sleep, somehow I felt this pulsating sensation from my clitoris and that's when my vision started to get glitchy for the first time. One second I saw my room and then the following second, a slender statuesque figure sat on top of a scruffy happy trail I knew belonged to Dezz. As he nutted inside his girl, I was leaking from the "ghostly" experience, but that led me to the groundbreaking "connection" that I always utilized ever since
Dezz is my first. Hany is my latest. But those two just cannot compete with Chris the Beast.....
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Oh that one is the craziest, and maybe I'll share more about my time inside of Steve and the others when I have more time. My husband is arriving soon and I need to phase out from Hany now if I wanna be safe and look more presentable to welcome my husband.
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ellecdc · 5 months
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Hiyaa, I’m back again for another seer!reader😋
This one’s connected to the other seer!reader, I was thinking, what if mini padfoot inherits his mother’s abilities? Although he still can’t differentiate the line between his visions and dreams since he is really young. So what happened was he dreamt that a wolf was running after him and his baby sibling and he got so scared that he told his parents, then at the end they all figured out it was just a harmless dream?? Yes, angst with a happy ending please😚
Have a great day babes!🩷✨
mini-padfoot stoppppp I love them
poly!marauders x Seer!reader whose son inherits her gift of Sight
CW: hurt/comfort, fluff, Remus spiralling, continuation of this fic
If you had told Remus at any point in his life that he would one day be a doting stay-at-home-father of not one but two children, he would have called you barmy and maybe suggested you be admitted into the Janus Thickey ward at St. Mungo’s.
But alas, here he was, currently baking in his kitchen whilst his two children napped as he waited for his partners to return home from their various jobs.
And he loved it. 
As if perfect timing, Remus had just slid a sheet of biscuits into the oven and set a quick timer when he heard his oldest starting to cry. 
“I’m coming, cariad.” He called out as he wiped the flour off his jumper and pushed the door open to his son’s room, hoping to calm the crying before he managed to wake his younger sibling. 
“Da!” Leo sobbed, holding his little arms out to Remus. Remus quickly bent down and scooped the toddler up into his arms and began shushing him and bouncing back and forth.
“You’re okay, m’love. Da’s right here.” He murmured into his head of curly black hair. 
Though Remus knew toddlers and babies often cried as they woke up, Leo seemed to be particularly distressed after today’s nap. 
“Hey, hey cariad; what’s the problem, hm? What’s the matter?” Remus cooed as he pulled his son away from his body to examine his face. 
Remus’ heart lurched as he watched the little black-haired, grey-eyed bub rub at his eyes with pudgy fists; lip jutting out as he took in shuddering breaths.
“Saw bad.” He pouted miserably. 
Remus’ heart lurched once again for the poor mini-padfoot who was plagued with his mummy’s gift of Sight. 
“Did you have a bad dream?” Remus asked cautiously. 
After many discussions that Sirius, James, and Remus had with you, they decided it was best to have Leo describe any potential Sights as dreams until he was old enough to be able to cope with potentially unsettling Sights; there was no use in your child stressing over things he could not control or even properly understand yet.
“Yeah.” The boy cried again.
“What was the dream about, my love?”
“Bad wolf.”
Remus felt his blood run ice cold as he stared at his son in horror.
A Bad Wolf.
“What did the bad wolf do, cariad?”
Leo let out a pitiful sniffle as his big eyes stared up imploringly at his father. “He was chasing us, me and my baby sister. I had to carry her but she wouldn’t stop crying and the wolf kept chasing us. He was growling and drooly and just very scary.” He explained, the end of his sentence punctuated with another sob.
Remus’ body seemed to move in autopilot as he pulled the child back into his chest and began rocking him back and forth, murmuring soft encouragements of ‘your safe now’, ‘da’s got you’, and ‘there’s nothing to be afraid of’ even though Remus himself was terrified. 
It was him.
He was The Wolf. 
He was chasing them…hunting them; his own children.
He should have known; he should have known better.
He was a monster through and through and he had no right to endanger the lives of these two innocent babes.
He felt sick and twisted even holding Sirius’ doppelganger in his arms like he had any right to tell him it was all okay and he was safe now. As if he wasn’t currently cradled in the arms of the monster he so feared. 
Remus moved the child to the living room where he popped on a video of Winnie the Pooh or some other children’s cartoon on the muggle telly for him and handed him a small cup of apple slices.
He stood in the corner of the room - the closest he’d allow himself to Leo - chewing at his cuticles until James walked in the door.
“Daddy!” Leo shrieked excitedly as he abandoned the remaining apple slices in favour of launching himself at his father. 
“Hey lovebug!” James cheered back, swinging the toddler back and forth in his arms before putting him back down and letting him race back off to his shows.
“‘Lo Moons! How was- is…is everything okay?” James started, but paused as he noticed Remus’ tense body language. 
“Can you please watch them?” Remus whispered, referring to the one child sitting in front of the telly and the other still sound asleep within her bassinet. 
“Of course.” James started, sounding like he was ready to ask Remus what was going on, but Remus never gave him the chance.
Remus swiftly moved down the hall and closed himself into their bedroom where he let out his own sob that had been stuck in the back of his throat. 
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The house smelled heavenly, alerting you to the fact that Remus had been playing around in the kitchen again. You’d been coming home to some of the most delectable pastries and breads that Remus always found some fault in - they were too dense, too flaky, not risen enough etc etc - but they never failed to make your mouth water each and every time.
The pleased smile that had taken over your face as you entered your home quickly vanished when you entered the living room to a tension you weren’t accustomed to in your own home. 
Sirius was standing with the youngest of your two children cradled in his arms as he and James murmured solemnly back and forth, and your oldest watched cartoons completely unaware of any stress colouring the atmosphere around him. 
“Hey you guys.” You offered cautiously, causing Leo to jump up to greet you.
“Hi mummy!” He shrieked, causing your daughter to stir unhappily in his papa’s arms. 
“Where’s Da, pumpkin?” You asked him as he wiggled out of your grasp, clearly eager to return to his shows.
“In bed.” He responded simply, causing you to look at your husbands bemusedly. 
Sirius and James exchanged a glance as James moved over to you. “He’s in the bedroom. He seemed very upset when I got home and all he told me was ‘Leo Saw something’.”
You let out a sigh as you looked over at your son, feeling horribly guilty that he was plagued by the same ‘gift’ that you were. You could remember some of your earliest sights at perhaps only slightly older than he currently was, and how upsetting not only the Sights could be, but how upsetting it could be when they happened to come true.
But, you also knew that at his age, what Remus described as a Sight could easily have been a simple dream.
You made your way down the hallway towards your bedroom, pausing to knock gently twice before letting yourself in.
Remus was sitting hunched over on the edge of the bed with his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands with his back facing you.
You aren’t sure when the last time you saw him look so dejected was, but it caused a horrible lump in your throat nonetheless. 
“Moony, love?” You called quietly, moving slowly around the bed in order to stand in front of him.
He never looked up at you, but a sob escaped him at your words.
“Baby.” You cooed as you knelt; placing your hands on either side of his knee and trying to rub circles with your thumbs in an attempt to get him to look at you. “What happened, my love?”
Through quiet sobs, you managed to catch “He’s scared of me. I’m going to kill him.” 
“Remus.” You said more seriously. “That’s impossible.”
“He saw the Wolf, Y/N.” Remus responded emphatically, pulling his hands away from his face to expose his reddened and swollen eyes and cheeks. “It…it was - I was chasing him, and he was carrying our sweet-” He cut himself off with a hiccup and tried to cover his face again, but you caught his hands and brought them to your cheeks instead. 
“He was trying to protect his little sister, and the Wolf was hunting them. I was hunting them.”
“No Remus.” You argued, but Remus screwed his eyes shut as if your refusal to believe him caused him physical pain.
“Remus Lupin, you listen to me; you would never allow anything to happen to those kids. You love them more than anything in this world; I’ve never been more certain of their safety than when they’re with you.”
Remus didn’t seem completely convinced as he shook his head in disagreement, though he didn’t bother arguing with you. 
“And even if that wasn’t true.” You began, drawing your syllables out to encourage him to return his eyes to yours, which he did. “You have three of us here who also would never allow anything to happen to them. If you don’t trust yourself, don’t you trust us?”
Remus let out a defeated sigh as he rested his forehead against yours; his hands still stationed where you were holding them against your jaw as his thumbs gently rubbed near your cheekbones. 
“Besides,” You added quietly, nudging his nose gently with your own. “I’m a much better Seer than Leo; if anything were to happen to my children - I’d be the first to know.” 
Remus let out a quiet snort at that, causing you to smile. 
“I’m sorry you’ve had a bad day, my love.” You soothed; pulling your head back to press a kiss to his nose only for him to hold your head there and press a gentle kiss to your lips in response.
“It wasn’t a bad day.” He countered. “It was quite good, before he woke up from his nap terrified.”
You let out a sympathetic hum of acknowledgement and pressed another kiss to his lips. “It could have very well been a dream, baby.”
Remus sighed as if he knew that, but just couldn’t help being worried. You understood his dilemma. 
Before either of you could respond, a cautious knock was rapped against the door as James and Sirius both poked their heads in.
“Hey, Moony.” James started, sounding all kinds of guilty.
“So, Leo told us about his dream he had this afternoon.” Sirius continued, grimacing slightly at the admission. 
“Yeah! And, uhm, funny thing…that…” James soldiered on. “It turns out-”
“Red Riding Hood!” Leo squealed as he shoved his head between Sirius and James’ legs.
“What?” Remus asked in bemusement. 
“Well, we had a playdate over with the Lovegood’s yesterday, right? And Xenophilius read this muggle nursery rhyme to them-”
“James…” You groaned, leaning your forehead down on Remus’ knee as he rubbed his thumbs through the baby hairs on the back of your neck.
“Why don’t you tell them what happened next in your dream, bubs. After the wolf was chasing you?” Sirius encouraged.
“Me and sissy got away from the wolf because Mama showed up with two knights and they fought the wolf! And the knights were Daddy and Da, and then we all went and rescued Papa from an evil witch who locked him in a tower!” Leo explained excitedly. 
“Leo,” Remus chided jovially. “You didn’t tell me any of this when you woke up.”
“I forgot!” Leo said with a shrug before he went racing back off down the hallway. 
“Cheeky bastard.” You sighed quietly causing Sirius to bark a laugh. 
“Sure is; he is his father’s son, afterall.”
“I’m so sorry, Rem.” James offered guiltily. “I was just so excited to learn muggle nursery rhymes and stories; I never even made the connection of the Wolf.”
Remus shook his head at his husband in faux contempt as he turned to lean his head against yours once again. “I’m gonna kill him.”
You hummed as if in thought. “No you won’t.”
“How can you be so sure?” He asked with a smirk.
You smirked right back. “Because, I would have Seen it.”
“Fair enough.” He whispered back. 
“Right. So, now that we’re all good.” Sirius began. “Can we have those biscuits you made yet? They smell bloody brilliant.
“You can.” Remus replied. “None for Prongs.”
This earned him a bark of laughter from Sirius and a horrified squawk from James.
“Ha ha. You’re in the doghouse.” Sirius taunted James, turning to flee quickly when James turned to glare daggers at him.
You knew James had caught up to him when you heard an inelegant shriek from Sirius and Leo squealing in laughter at his fathers’ antics.
“I love them so much.” You mused aloud.
Remus breathed out a laugh through his nose. “Me too.”
866 notes · View notes
xxchumanixx · 5 months
Text
Thought Contagion
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Bucky Barnes x reader
Summary: After a one night stand he ghosted you. When forced to talk, the lines slowly start to blur. Warnings/Tags: hurt, angst, fluff in the end, mentions of a one night stand, reader has the ability to communicate via thoughts and move objects Word count: 4.397 Authors note: I just love him. Do I need to say more? It's 4 am, and I'm dead. So this might make no sense at all, but hey I somehow managed to write this delusional on tiredness.
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Dr. Raynor's office
The clock on the wall ticked steadily, almost matching your heartbeat.
"Did you dream of him again?" she wanted to know, eyes closely watching you.
"No, I haven't dreamt of him in a long time now... but he contacted me." you gave back, fingers interlocked, fumbling with each other.
"Did he call you? Text?"
"No, he contacted me through my thoughts."
"That he can do?"
"When the will is there, yes."
"There has to be a deep connection between you for him to do that."
"No... not anymore."
"So there was a connection."
"Was. It doesn't exist anymore."
"What happened between you two?"
"We slept with each other. And after he left without me noticing, I never heard of him again."
She nodded to herself, carefully considering what you told her.
"Do you have feelings for him?"
"I've had feelings for him for almost ten years now."
You knew it wasn't right, not like this. When you first saw him, it was at the museum, Steve telling you everything about him. How brave he was, courageous and caring. How he looked after Steve, when no one else was left.
You developed feelings for someone who didn't even exist anymore, at least that was what everyone thought.
Who would have known, that he was still alive, breathing and killing.
"Do you know him this long?" she asked, head tilted.
"No. I met him, after Steve brought him back. I was there, when they brought him to Wakanda and I visited him during his rehabilitation. Then, when Thanos blib'd us, he was gone. And after he returned a few months ago, it just happened. I don't know if it was frustration, after Steve left us, or what else it was, but we lost control for a moment."
"Control over what? Your feelings?"
"He doesn't have any feelings for me."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Why do you think he ghosted me?" you chuckled dryly, brows furrowed as you looked at her like she was an alien.
You had to bite your lip not to snarl at her, send biting words her way. She was only trying to help you, had been for a few months now.
But sometimes, she didn't seem to understand you.
"Maybe because he was scared? Didn't know how to handle his feelings?" she suggested, cocking a brow.
"No, James Barnes doesn't have such feelings - only sadness and anger." you told her, the bitter feeling of guilt stinging on your tongue.
"Was it these feelings, that led to him sleeping with you? His anger, his sadness?"
"A moment of weakness, nothing more."
She wrote something into her notebook, before she tapped her pen on the paper. "What did he want?"
"He wanted me to help him."
You flinched, when suddenly a sharp pain tore through your head.
What the hell?
"Y/N?"
You believed you heard a voice, one that sounded painfully familiar.
"Y/N?" There it was again, and you sighed shakily, feelings starting to mix in a dangerous cocktail. "James?" you answered in a thought, eyes closing, as you tried not to betray your feelings with a quiver of your voice.
It must have taken him a lot to contact you through your thoughts.
You were a telepath, able to communicate via thoughts, as well as moving objects through the air. But it took a lot of willpower, to contact you through your thoughts, especially when it was over such a great distance.
And by someone like James Buchanan Barnes.
"Oh thank god." you heard him mumble, as your belly churned.
After you've spent the night together and he left, you hadn't heard from him. Why would he contact you like that of all ways? Why contact you at all?
"What do you want?" you returned coldly, teeth gritted, as you sat up in bed. You were just about to sleep, already tucked under your covers, when he contacted you.
The anger bubbling up in your stomach made it hard for you to concentrate, but the curiosity was the slightest bit stronger.
"I need your help."
Eyes widening, you fumed. Hands clenched into fists, the books in the bookcase started to rattle, trinkets threatening to tumble over.
Oh, the nerve he had - he had to be fucking kidding you.
"You need my help?" you seethed, not able to contain the angry chuckle that escaped your lips. "You have to be kidding me."
It was silent for a few moments and you started to think he might have cut the connection, when you heard him sigh.
"I-" he started, but was cut off by another voice. "What are you doing?" you heard the voice ask - Sam. "Are you praying or something?"
You could basically hear Bucky's eyes roll in their sockets, as he sighed angrily. "No, I'm not." he retorted, scoffing. "I'm-" he cut himself off this time, most likely rubbing the stubble on his chin. "I'm talking to Y/N."
It was silent for another moment, before you heard Sam again. "How? Where's your phone? Or are you communicating through prayers?"
Rolling your eyes, you shook your head.
"Forgot that she can communicate via thought?" Bucky gave back, sounding fed up. "That's possible?" Sam sounded surprised. "Over this distance? What do you want from her anyways? Thought you guys aren't talking."
Cocking a brow you huffed, and you heard Bucky stutter incoherently, eventually finding his words. "No- I-I mean, yes. We need her help if we want to find them!"
"Find whom?" you wanted to know, scrambling for the laptop that was under your bed, flipping it open, despite your better judgement. "What happened anyways?" Sam questioned, his curiosity getting the best of him.
Since when were they teaming up?
"Did you hear about the group 'Flagsmashers'?" Bucky asked, focusing back on you. "Of course, do you think I live under a rock?" you scoffed in return.
He rolled his eyes, you swear he did.
"Well, they plan something big and we can't find them." he explained, ignoring Sam who was still demanding an answer. "We need satellite pictures or video or whatever. Sharon can't hack into them."
"Sharon?" you retorted, huffing. You hadn't seen her since she had to flee, now knowing why. She must have holed up wherever Sam and Bucky where. "What makes you think I have access to satellites wherever you are?"
He hesitated, as you grew impatient.
"And what exactly makes you think I'd help you?"
He must have been very desperate if he contacted you of all people.
"After all I thought we weren't talking?"
He was frustrated, you could tell. You could feel it seeping into your bones.
"They are killing dozens of innocent people!" he explained, anger and frustration filtering through his voice. "Could you please help us? I wouldn't ask if I had another option."
I wouldn't ask you of all people.
"Already on it." you mumbled, as you were already typing on your laptop, telling yourself you were doing this for the innocent people he mentioned, ignoring your aching heart.
The group he was talking about was all over the news lately, gathering more followers each day. They were a threat, and no matter how much you despised talking to Bucky, you knew you had to help them.
Going through the various pictures, you scanned them for the group. "Found 'em." you announced, zooming in on a picture.
"I'll send Sam the location."
Bucky made a noise like he wanted to protest, say something like 'Why not sent it to me?', but he must have remembered that you weren't talking.
"Thank you." you heard him mutter, before he abruptly cut the connection, leaving you wide awake.
Closing your eyes you tried to hold back the tears. It was pointless crying over him, you did for a while now.
It never changed anything for you.
But, as Bucky was forming a plan with Sam, he could hear it clear as day - the single sob that managed to spill, leaving him wondering if he really heard it, or if he just imagined it.
"Did you help him?" Dr. Raynor asked, brows furrowed. She as well had heard about the group of terrorists, and she had talked to Sam and Bucky not long ago.
"I had to." you retorted, huffing.
"Why? Because he asked you to?"
"Because it was the right thing to do."
"Because of this group they are trying to stop?"
"Yes."
She nodded to herself, biting her cheek.
"How do you feel about John Walker being the new Captain America?"
Your eyes snapped to hers, hands stopping their trembling. "Don't call him that."
"Why not? Doesn't he fit your expectations?"
You chuckled dryly, smirking at her. "My expectations?" you wanted to know, leaning forward with a cocked brow. "Steven Grant Rogers was my best friend. He was my anchor, and when he left, living a life in the past with Peggy Carter, he fulfilled his greatest wish. Do I hate him for leaving me behind? Yes, I do. But I support him and his decision nonetheless. He gave the shield to Sam, who gave it away. Who am I to have expectations, when my biggest hope of someone worthy stepping into these massive footprints has been so utterly disappointed?"
Her forehead creased in thought, tapping the pen on the notebook again. The sound was so familiar already, that you had started to ignore it a long time ago.
"John Walker is said to be a good man. Don't you think he will make a good replacement for Captain America?"
"He can be good all he wants, wear the medals he obtained with pride - but he'll never be like us. The Avengers, people that gave everything for others, never once thinking about ourselves. Did we get any medals when we stopped Thanos? When Tony undid the blib, sacrificing himself? No. My best friend - my sister - died, forcing my dad to forever feel guilty for not dying in her place. Can she be replaced? No. Just as Steve can't be replaced. But Sam was the best option to be the next Cap."
"You're dad?"
"Clint. He took me under his wing almost fifteen years ago. He's the dad I never had."
She nodded, scribbling something down again.
"Will you talk to him again?"
Your brows furrowed, remembering the conversation you had with your dad only this morning.
"James."
Sighing, you leaned back against the cushions again, crossing your arms over your chest.
"No."
"Why not?"
"Why not?" you repeated her words, anger bubbling up yet again, as your eyes widened in disbelieve. "James Buchanan Barnes ghosted me after we had sex, only contacting me to get my help. After that, he ghosted me again. And you're asking why not?"
She heaved a sigh, glancing at her watch only to see that she had another thirty minutes with you.
It wasn't that she didn't like you, but you reminded her of Bucky in your stubborn and deflective ways.
"Maybe you should." she spoke, tilting her head. "Talk to him, demand answers as to why exactly he ghosted you."
Scoffing, you stood, feeling the sudden urge to leave, get the hell out of there.
"Sit." she demanded sharply, the tapping of her pen coming to a halt.
Groaning, you did.
"Why don't you help them in trying to stop this group of terrorists for starters?" she suggested, leaning forwards on her elbows, that were resting on her thighs. "And maybe you can talk to him afterwards."
You laughed at her suggestion, declaring her insane.
But you couldn't deny the aching in your heart at the prospect.
You yearned for his touch, his scent, his voice. The way his fingertips ghosted over your skin, lips brushing over the shell of your ear as he whispered sweet nothings into it, hips connecting with yours over and over again.
Dr. Raynor smirked, like she was able to read your thoughts. She wasn't, though she still seemed to know exactly what you were thinking.
Cheeks reddening, you cleared your throat, deciding that you were in need of another topic.
"How was your weekend?"
____
You hated this.
Why exactly did she manage to convince you to follow them, again?
You were late, seeing as the whole scene was crowded, the Flagsmashers already captured, their leader dead. She was a young girl, barely old enough to drink legally.
You were standing at the rear of the ambulance, watching Sam and Bucky who were stood at the front, backs turned towards you. They didn't know you were there yet, talking to each other.
Your heart was thundering in your chest, and you were scared Bucky could hear it with his super soldier hearing.
You were contemplating if you should turn around and hurry the fuck out of there, but it was too late, when they turned instead, heading towards you.
They hadn't seen you yet, but when Sam looked up, his steps faltered, causing Bucky to look your way as well. He stopped dead in his tracks, jaw slack, before it clenched.
Sam hesitantly closed the distance, whilst Bucky was glued to the spot.
"Hey." he voiced, glancing back at the frozen super soldier. "I'll leave you to talk."
"What if I don't want to?"
"You should."
He patted you on the shoulder, before he left for someone that called out to him.
Your hands trembled, your whole body trembled, as you both stared at each other. Neither of you knew what to say, neither wanting to be the first to speak.
"Should have expected you to turn up here." he muttered, and you scoffed. "Believe me, I'm not here because I wanted to be." you retorted as equally cold, shoving your hands into the pockets of your jacket.
He cocked a brow, mimicking the movement, his arm reflecting the light. "Why are you here then?" he wanted to know, fighting the urge to lean against the ambulance.
He didn't want to come over as relaxed, because he definitely wasn't with you standing in front of him.
Not anymore.
He hadn't expected you to show up, he had hoped you wouldn't.
"I wanted to see if you need more help with the Flagsmashers." you explained, looking past him. "You already helped enough with the location." he returned, unwavering.
Nodding, you bit your lip, looking away.
He was shoving you away, again.
"Well, then I suppose I will go." you spoke, swallowing. "Should have expected not to be welcomed."
You didn't mean to say it out loud, really. It just slipped through somehow.
His brows furrowed, eyes narrowing. "Welcomed?" he asked, taking a step closer as his head tilted. "No one invited you. You didn't need to come."
Huffing, you nodded again.
"Well, and no one invited you." you retorted sharply, looking back up at him. "Yet you came as well, before you left without a word."
His jaw clenched, teeth gritted.
"But hey, lets not talk about it, its not worth mentioning anyways."
You wanted to scratch his ego, your own lying broken in a corner. It worked, as he took another step closer, head tilted. Lowering his voice, he spoke exactly what you were expecting him to.
"Didn't sound not 'worth mentioning' it, considering the way you cried my name out for everyone in the building to hear."
You shivered involuntarily, trying not to let him see, though.
He wasn't wrong, but you wouldn't have him know that.
"Really? Maybe I'm just a good actress."
He scoffed, chuckling dryly.
"Just as good as you're at sneaking out."
He fumed at your words, face hardening. His arm whirred quietly, so hard he must have been clenching his hands into fists.
You stared each other down, as your heart silently begged for you to stop. But you were caught in the moment, caught in your anger and hurt.
When neither of you said anything for a good minute, you shook your head and turned around, starting to walk away.
You should have known he wouldn't talk to you.
"Do you think it was easy?" he shouted after you, causing you to halt in your movement.
"Do you think it was easy? After everything that happened, being turned to dust, returning, only for Steve to leave me behind?"
You turned back around, scoffing. "He didn't leave only you." you reminded him, voice harsh. "He left Sam and I as well. He left us all behind, staying in the past to spend his life with Peggy - the only wish he ever had. He was selfish, yes, but he knew we'd manage."
He shook his head, biting his cheek.
"I failed him."
You couldn't help but laugh, frustration growing thicker. "Why do you think so?"
His eyes were glued to the floor, before he looked back up at you.
"I tried, but I didn't manage." he explained, taking a step closer, partly closing the distance you had created. "I spiraled downwards, losing control. I-" he cut himself off, eyes flitting to the sky above you, as he licked his lips, before he looked back at you.
"I lost the little ounce of control I had left when I let you in." he continued, shaking his head, as he bit down on his cheek, the sting momentarily distracting him from his raging heart. "When we- when we spent that night together, I panicked. I hadn't done something like that since the forties, and I didn't want to drag you down into the hole I was falling into."
You had to swallow, eyes stinging, even though you did your best to ignore it.
"And what about me?" you wanted to know, clearing your throat, as your voice quivered. "What about the hole I was falling into?"
His jaw ticked, and he swallowed.
When he didn't answer, you continued.
"You left me behind, in the moment I was the most vulnerable. I needed you, and you left - as well."
He shook his head, hand brushing through his hair. "You don't need me."
"I shouldn't need you." you corrected him, shaking your head with a frown, as you took a step closer. "When Steve first told me about you, showing me your picture at the museum I knew I was done for. Hell, when you stood in front of me, breathing and not dead, like you were believed to be, I thought I was dreaming. I envied Steve, because he made you sound like the best person on earth."
He scoffed, but didn't interrupt you further, eyes downcast.
"I wanted to get to know you, wanted to see if Steve was right." you continued, fighting a smile, losing. "He was, and when we spent more time together, I started to see what he saw. And then you turned into dust. The whole world tilted, for five years. You were gone, Sam, my dad and my whole family suddenly vanished. And when you returned I was so happy - only for you to leave me again. I know it probably didn't mean anything to you, but for me it did."
You breathed in shakily, stopping your own rambling, heart hammering in your chest, threatening to break through.
"You're wrong." he muttered, swallowing, as he locked eyes with you. "It did mean something to me - it meant the whole world to me. You didn't judge me, no matter what I did. You made me forget. You where there the whole time, accompanying me the whole way. But when Steve-" he choked on his breath, shaking his head with tears glistening in his eyes.
"I lost it. And I couldn't risk bringing you in harms way - my way. I didn't want to hurt you."
Sniffing, you bit on your cheek, almost drawing blood.
"But you did." you whispered, tears making your eyes burn, blurring your sight. "You did, when you pushed me away. You where the only constant I had left, and you pushed me away."
He nodded, sniffing as well. "I know, doll." he spoke, biting his lip. "I know."
Even though you felt a weight lift from your shoulders, it didn't feel as relieving as it should have. A tear fell, but you didn't brush it away.
You fell silent, lost in thought.
Somehow, you just confessed your feelings to him, stripped them bare for him to see. Leaving you even more vulnerable.
Your fingers tapped on your thigh in a nervous habit, wishing you could read Bucky's mind. Even though you were able to communicate via thought, you weren't actually able to read other peoples thoughts.
"Will you forgive me?" he suddenly rasped out, eyes staying a second longer on the ground, before they found yours, hope glistening in them. He sounded so broken, so vulnerable, like you never heard him before.
"Please, Y/N."
You swallowed at the nerves bubbling up, slowly starting to nod. "Yes, Bucky." you breathed out, sniffing. "Yes, I forgive you."
How were you supposed to stay angry at him, after what he just told you? After everything that had happened?
He breathed a sigh of relief, nodding to himself, as his eyes closed for a moment.
A tear slipped past his eyelashes, and he bit his lip. You had only seen him cry once, causing you to inhale shakily at the memory.
He wiped at the salty liquid, before his eyes opened again, his feet taking him closer to you, until he was as close as he was the last time you had seen him in person.
You could smell his familiar cologne, feel the heat his body radiated.
His flesh fingers hesitantly moved, brushing a few stray strands of hair out of your face, softly cupping your cheek. The action made you shiver, goosebumps covering your arms, as you leaned into his warm touch the slightest bit, eyes locked onto his blue ones.
"I'm so sorry, doll." he rasped out, eyes fighting to stay on yours. "I did what I thought was best for you, but I know now, that I was wrong. I'm having nightmares again, but I'm working on it. I'm working on everything, trying to get a bit of the old me back to life - the one Steve had told you all these stories about."
You knew about his nightmares, even though they were different now, thanks to the Dora Milaje who had managed to free him of the Winter Soldier state.
He didn't turn into him anymore, not for the briefest of moments. Something he would forever be grateful for.
"I'm an idiot." he mumbled, eyes leaving yours, his hand leaving your face, falling back at his side with his head downcast. "I never should have left - never should have let this happen. I should have listened to Dr. Raynor."
You cocked a brow at his words, head tilting to somehow meet his gaze. "What do you mean?"
He sighed heavily, swallowing, as his nerves got the best of him. "I mean that I should have talked to you, instead of just leaving you behind." he explained, tongue brushing over his lip, hesitating. "Should have told you how I feel."
You inhaled sharply, hands starting their nervous trembling at your sides again.
"What do you feel?" you managed to breathe out, and his eyes met yours again, the intensity of his gaze stealing your breath.
His lips parted, only for his tongue to wet them again. He searched for the right words, soon giving up and opting for the simpler option instead.
"I love you, Y/N."
Your breathing hitched, heart stumbling, before it doubled its speed.
"You're pure, soft and so lovingly." he continued, hands cupping your face. There the words were. "You never once judged me, not even in my darkest hours. You're the thing that kept me going, made me push through to get rid of the Winter Soldier. I wanted to be better - for you. But I fucked up, so badly. I fell into an old habit, pushing you away so you wouldn't get hurt, but instead I did exactly that: hurting you. And I'm a fucking coward for pushing you away, and not pulling you closer instead, now that I'm actually able to."
Words had left you, only tears managed to spill. He brushed them away with his thumbs, one cold and one warm, yet they were both so soft.
His eyes closed, forehead brushing yours. Your eyes fluttered closed as well, breathing him in.
"Working with Sam on this distracted me enough to forget it for a moment." he spoke quietly, leaving you to wonder how exactly that had happened. "But I was selfish when I contacted you, asking for help. I wanted to hear your voice, even if you would have just shouted at me, telling me to never talk to you again."
You bit your lip, more tears falling.
"I would have never." you told him, eyes squinting, even though they were already closed. "I love you too much."
His body moved abruptly, a sob breaking through his lips. It was one of relief and deep shame.
He nodded, his forehead leaving yours to press kisses to your face. Your cheeks, your forehead, your nose, until he finally met your lips with his own.
You tasted the salty remnants of your combined tears on your lips, but neither of you cared. Hands wrapping around his neck, brushing through his hair, you tugged him closer.
Something wet hit your cheek, but you couldn't tell if it were your tears, or his.
His hands on your cheeks tilted your head back, deepening the kiss. His tongue brushed yours, an action so soft it left you yearning for more.
When his lips left yours, you sighed, eyes slowly opening to meet his blue ones. His lips were kiss swollen, but so were yours.
"He took the shield." Bucky breathed out with shining eyes, fingers dancing through your hair. Nodding, you couldn't help but smile. "I know. Finally."
He chuckled quietly, before his lips connected with yours again.
"Now that this mission is complete, I'm all yours." he promised, forehead meeting yours again. "I won't ever do the mistake of pushing you away again, I promise."
You smiled, feeling the tears return, happy ones this time.
"I'm yours." he repeated, lips meeting your cheek. "I'm yours."
"I know." you returned, eyes fluttering closed.
"And I'm yours."
547 notes · View notes
permanentswaps · 4 months
Text
Building Each Other Up
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I've been training Shane for years now. When he first started coming to the gym, he was just a scrawny kid fresh out of college, looking to put on some muscles so that he could impress the ladies.
I remember the first time we met. I saw him struggling with the barbell, his form all over the place, and honestly, it looked like he was going to throw his back out any minute. Being the seasoned gym-goer that I am, I couldn't just stand by and watch. So, I offered to help him out. After all, I'd been working out for years and liked to think I was in pretty good shape.
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The gym had always been more than just a place to let off steam and bulk up —it was a sanctuary. As a closeted single guy in his mid-thirties, the gym was a place where I could discreetly check out guys, maybe even meet the occasional DL hookup without fear of judgment or exposure.
But then Shane came along, and everything changed. We started out as just friends, bonding over working towards our mutual goals in the gym. But as I trained him, helping him sculpt his body, our friendship deepened. He looked up to me, admired my dedication and expertise, and in turn, I found a sense of purpose and fulfillment in helping him reach his goals.
Over the years, Shane and I grew closer. We shared more than just sets and reps; we shared our hopes, fears, and dreams. And amidst all the sweat and strain, I found myself opening up to him in ways I never thought possible. I confided in him about my sexuality, my struggles with self-acceptance, and the challenges of living a double life. And to my relief and gratitude, Shane was always there for me, offering support, understanding, and a listening ear. It was truly the best friendship I’ve ever had.
Our unique bond didn't just stem from the amount of time we spent together at the gym; it was also fueled by our unorthodox training style. You see, we had a secret potion, which I had first discovered when I was Shane’s age.
To everyone else in the gym, it just looked like your typical pre-workout supplement. But for Shane and me, it was so much more. This potion had a remarkable ability—it allowed Shane to jump into my body.
When Shane would make the jump, I would become powerless, a spectator in my own body. He was in total control, and only he could decide when to jump back out. But the benefits were undeniable. Not only would he gain the muscle memory from the workout, but he would also inherit any gains my body had achieved from the session. And since I was already pretty muscular, Shane progressed rapidly.
Sometimes, during our training sessions, I would willingly let consciousness take a nap. I trusted Shane fully, so what did it matter if I checked out for a little while? Usually, Shane would jump out after he had showered and changed for me, and we’d go about the rest of our days. But there were occasions when I would wake up the next day, only to realize that he had remained in my body longer than expected. It was a strange sensation, waking up on those days, but I trusted Shane to do what was best for both of us so it was fine by me.
While our training sessions primarily took place in the gym, there were a few instances where I allowed Shane to use my body for purposes other than working out. I remember a couple of occasions when he wanted to pick up girls at the local bar. It was a bit weird for me, considering I was into guys, but I was happy to let him have a good time. Besides, there was a thrill in experiencing what my life could have been like had I been straight, feeling my body react with excitement at the prospect of engaging in intimate relations with a woman.
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But it wasn’t long before Shane's dedication paid off, and his body became super ripped. He didn't need to rely on using my body to pick up girls anymore—he had the confidence and physique to do it all on his own. And even though he started to get a bit cocky at times, I was there to keep his ego in check.
It was around that time that we stopped using the potion and went back to being normal gym partners, pushing each other to get better. It hurts my ego to say now, but I think his physique is better now than mine ever was. Which is why Shane’s recent proposition really surprised me.
---
For the past few months, Shane had been pouring his heart and soul into training for a bodybuilding competition. Despite his relentless efforts, it seemed like he was still struggling a bit to reach his peak performance.
"Hey,” Shane said as we walked into the gym for our usual session. “So I'm struggling to get in as much training as I want to, and I could really use your help.”
"Sure, what do you need?" I replied, genuinely curious about his proposal.
"I was thinking we could use the potion again," Shane began, his words hanging in the air. "But this time... you could take over me."
My heart stopped at his suggestion. In all my years of using the potion, I had never actually took over someone else's body. I had always been too nervous to entertain the thought. What if I got excited by a guy and it outed me to whoever I had taken over? And besides, none of my friends were really any better looking than I was, so why would I want that?
But this was something different entirely. I trusted Shane fully, and I didn't really have to worry about those concerns with him. Plus, the idea of experiencing the world through Shane's eyes and getting to be in his body for a change seemed oddly appealing. And it did seem only fair since he had spent so much time in mine.
"Okay, sure," I said tentatively, my mind racing with possibilities. "What did you have in mind?"
---
Shane came up with a plan where we would alternate control, with me spending two days in his body followed by three out. He believed that this schedule would give him the mental rest he needed to train as intensely as he was hoping—or at least, that's what he said.
For our first session, I phased right into his body in a private corner of the locker room. The sensation was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. I was overcome with a rush of unfamiliar sensations. Like I said, I had never actually been in another body before, and this wasn’t just any body.
Sure, I had muscles when I was his age, but they weren't nearly as defined or toned as Shane's. And I certainly never had this much energy, or this attractive of a face. I mean, I know I'm considered handsome now, but it took a lot of time (and a bit of plastic surgery, if I'm being honest) to get it that way.
I spent the next two days absolutely grinding, hitting double sessions in the gym both days, and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from myself in the mirror. My chest and shoulders were absolutely massive now, each muscle defined and sculpted to perfection. It felt incredible, like I was invincible.
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At the end of those two days, Shane was super thankful and went back to training himself. But as those next three days in my own body passed by, I found myself constantly thinking about Shane, yearning to feel that rush of power and confidence again. Soon enough, I did.
With the competition looming only a few months away, we stuck to our schedule, which started fine-tuning Shane's physique to perfection one intense training session at a time. And just like in the old days—but this time with the roles reversed—I used Shane's body for hook ups when I was in control. It was refreshing to have this much energy in bed, to feel the strength and vitality pulsating through every muscle. And with Shane's youthful appearance, I found myself attracting a whole new demographic of guys. No longer was I an older daddy, the guys I pulled just saw me for the hot young stud I was.
As the competition drew nearer, I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride in how far we had come.
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But still, Shane still seemed to be a bit overwhelmed by the pressure. Despite our intense training regimen, he couldn't shake off the feeling of uncertainty and self-doubt. To help him out, we decided to up my stay in his body. What started as two days gradually turned into three, then four day stints, and eventually, I found myself spending an entire week inhabiting Shane's body.
He was thankful for the dedication and hard work I was putting in, and I could see the relief in his eyes every time I got out. But as the days passed, I found myself slowly becoming addicted to Shane's physique and his youth. There was something intoxicating about being in a body that radiated strength and vitality.
Things went awry, though, when I stayed for 11 days straight. I could sense that Shane was starting to get annoyed, his frustration simmering for at least a few days. Then, it reached a breaking point.
I could hear Shane's voice in my head, telling me to get out, to give him back control of his own body. But I ignored it. You see, my most recent booty call had been out of town, and I was itching to see him again. I knew he would be back tomorrow, and I just needed to hold out until then. I needed to pound his tight hole, I just couldn't think about anything else. I mean just look at this sexy video he just sent, can you blame me?
So kept brushing off Shane's protests, telling him, "No, no, just a bit longer. I promise."
Then, things went a bit sideways.
"Mark, seriously, get out of my head!" Shane's voice echoed loudly in my mind, his anger palpable.
"Just a little longer, Shane. I promise," I replied, trying to placate him.
"You've been saying that for days! I need my body back, man," Shane insisted, his tone bordering on desperation.
"I just... I have plans, Shane. Give me until tomorrow, okay?" I pleaded, my own desperation seeping into my voice.
But Shane wasn't having it. "No more excuses, Mark. Get out now!”
He started to fight back, trying to push me out of his mind. Despite having no physical control, his willpower was strong, and it had been quite a while since I'd entered his body. Who knew if it was possible for him to force me out?
But I couldn't afford to entertain those thoughts. Besides, Shane sounded annoyed, and I didn't know if he'd let me back in after that. So, I stubbornly held on, determined to see things through to the end, consequences be damned.
I fought back, pushing against Shane's consciousness with all my might. Our mental energies clashed, swirling around each other in a chaotic dance. Shane was strong, no doubt about it, but from all my years of using the potion, I was just ever so slightly more experienced in this realm.
I could feel him teetering on the edge of some sort of mental cliff, his resistance wavering. And then, seizing the opportunity, I gave him one final push. Suddenly, I felt my body convulse. I watched in astonishment as my old body, presumably with Shane inside, fell out of my hunky young body and stumble backward across the room before falling down.
As he looked at me, confusion clouding his face, I couldn't help but say, "Well this is new."
To Be Continued ...
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shebreathedherlast · 8 months
Text
Daughter of the Sea
Part I
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Done For
Luke Castellan x f!reader
Summary: You wanted glory but Luke already had it. You have no option but to take it from him.
Word Count 1.3k
TW: Violence, weapons, blood
. .・゜゜・・゜゜・.. ・゚゚・。. .・゜゜・・゜゜・.. ・゚゚・。. .・゜゜・.
Tearing through the forest your legs carried you as fast as you could go. This was the day. You needed this win. The wind flew through your hair as you ran. You were in enemy territory now, and that meant you had to be on high alert.
As an unclaimed half-blood you needed a way, anyway to prove your worth. And since camp offered glory you figured you might as well take it. You would've long ago if it wasn’t for Camp Half Blood’s designated golden boy, Luke Castellan. In your mind, he could be labelled by anything besides “the golden boy.” Luke was overwhelmingly competitive. He fought hard to earn the place of the “best swordsman at camp.” But even harder to keep it.
Living in close quarters with him for a little over a year, you had learned Luke’s best and worst qualities, and he did have many bad qualities.
For one Mr. Golden Boy, all but self-assumed the role of head counsellor. He just saw an opportunity for power and took it without question. When you thought about it, it did make sense. Luke wanted control because being a half-blood, a tool for the gods was all but a freeing life. You never had any say, no control, no power.
Luke might have enjoyed power, but you craved it in your very soul.
. .・゜゜・・゜゜・.. ・゚゚・。. .・゜゜・・゜゜・.. ・゚゚・。. .・゜゜・.
Your sword rang out with a clang when it met your opponent’s blade. You would earn glory, even if you had to claw it from between the fist of Luke himself.
With another swift blow, your opponent was down. Sprawled on the ground, trying to regain his breath. The boy, Chris, was supporting his body weight by placing his elbows on the ground beneath him. You had disarmed him and now you were holding your knife against his throat.
“They should call you the wraith, with the way you sneak up on people.” Chris said, a chuckle muffed by his inhale of breath.
“That sounds so extra.” You shiver, “Not my style.”
A voice flitted through the air behind you, “That sound’s like it’s exactly your style, Chaos.”
You groaned in annoyance. “I was supposed to hunt you down, Castellan, you took all the fun out of this.”
Luke rolled his eyes at you. He contended with a raise of his brows, “Well, it looks like I was the one who caught you by surprise.”
You laughed at that. Did Luke really believe he could sneak up on you? “I could hear you coming from a mile away with your loud footsteps. You’re about as subtle as an elephant, Castellan.”
By now Chris was shifting his weight to get up. Noticing this, you pulled a knife from your boot and threw it in his direction. Chris froze, knife pinning his shirt to the ground.
“Stay down Chris.” Was all you said before turning your attention back to the boy in front of you. Christ obeyed, not moving an inch, in fear that your patience would wear thin. After all Luke could handle himself right? It wasn’t a hidden fact that for the better part of an entire year, you had been on the hunt for glory… specifically, the same glory that made Luke Castellan the camp-proclaimed “Golden Boy.”
“I’m going to enjoy humbling you, chaos.”
You scoffed, “In your dreams Castellan.”
And with that, your weapons clashed. Metal against metal, blade against blade. You had sparred with Luke many times before, he claimed you were the only one who could actually “put up a fight.” Every other time Luke had bested you. Your fights would last hours on end, each of you refusing to let the other assume victory. But, he always had this ability to fight without emotion. Anger never made him sloppy. You on the other hand. You used your anguish and pain to fuel you. It was both a blessing and a curse. You had the drive to fight till the end, but your rage could make you careless. Not today. You would keep your head on this time. You would win glory, one way or another.
He had his sword pointed to your chest, in response you raised your knives to push against his blade. You spun out of his reach and delivered a kick from behind. Luke stumbled forward as he tried to regain his stance. You wasted no time in lightly sinking your blade into his bicep. He hissed in pain.
“Chaos,” Luke groaned at the painful contact of your knife.
You snickered, “Ready to give up Castellan?”
He faced you head-on this time, “Never.”
Luke brought down his sword with such force, you thought the ground might have trembled. You held your daggers against his sword, preventing the weapon from piercing your skin. But he was stronger than you. Your arms weakened and he saw this as an opportunity to push down harder. Realizing this, you attempted to evade the sword, tumbling to your side, but the blade cut the flesh of your shoulder. Blood seeped out from the wound, coating your orange camp shirt in a deep crimson.
You drew a sharp breath, instinctively pressing your hand to the injury.
“That was way deeper than the nick I gave you.” You said through gritted teeth.
A brief look of concern filled Luke’s eyes before they glassed over with a dim look. His eyes darkened when he remembered that you wanted his glory.
“Get up and fight me, Chaos. Don’t you want my glory?” He taunted.
Your hand slid from your wound, readjusting the blades in your hands. “I will have your glory, Castellan, even if I have to kill myself trying.”
Luke’s eyes drank in your appearance. Eyes wild, hair falling from your ponytail. Knives in your grasp. And the determination radiating off you. This time was different from almost every other. You were determined to beat him, and loss wasn’t even a possibility. You and Luke always fought, both with blades and with words. And though he tried, he couldn’t deny that he started to find your anger increasingly more…attractive.
You swept his legs from under him, fighting for dominance as you straddled his waist. He wrested you off his frame as you grabbed his arm with the sword. You shifted your weight on his body as you reached for Luke’s sword. And at this, you could’ve sworn you had heard him inhale sharply.
Luke finally managed to push you off of him. He stood, holding his sword to your throat. The prospect of glory was fleeing from you and you would not accept it. You needed it, you craved it. With one last effort, you dropped your weapons, placing your hands on the belly and top of the sword. Luke stood fixed, too bewildered to calculate his next movements. The metal dug into your palms as you twisted your arms, disarming Luke in his confusion. You elbowed him in the shoulder, hearing a pristine popping noise before tackling him to the ground and pressing your forearm to his throat.
“Yield.” You spoke, breathlessly.
Luke simply nodded, seeing as he was defenceless and now his limbs were rendered useless.
A victorious smile reached your lips. You lifted your body off of his and reached the blue flag. Taking it in your bloody hands you ran to the boarder of the teams, firmly placing it on the soil of the read team.
Your fellow teammates let out a victorious yell. Even the conceited ares champion, Clarisse gave you a nod of approval. Near the lake a halo blue tridant appeared over your head, claiming you as Poseidon's child. You had achieved much more than glory. You had been seen by your father. After over a year of trying to earn your godly parent's favor, you had finally given your father something to be proud of.
As Luke and Chris walked back from their assigned station, they could see the glorious smirk that painted your features.
Yes, after that encounter Luke Castellan was definitely done for.
----
A/n This will become a series.
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loviingpedri · 1 month
Text
tripling the fun - jude and jobe bellingham
part 2 -> part 1 here
prompt: jude fulfills everyone’s dreams.
jude x fem!reader.
jobe & reader platonic soulmates
warnings: grammar issues, cursing, arguments (happy ending), jealous jude, all characters are fictional (except jude, jobe, and their parents)
click to help palestine
credits to owners for all images
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salt air, and the rust on your door.
flower in your hair, feet in the sand, salty air entering through your nose.
joining the annual vacation with the bellingham family and your sweet parents, life felt as ease.
at least, for you.
jude was rapidly tapping his feet on the wood bedroom floor. hands in his hair, anxiety filling up his thoughts. jobe was seriously getting concerned.
“mate, you have two days. everything is gonna be okay.” sitting next to him on the bed, jobe put his hand on jude’s shoulder to get his nerves to calm down.
“i’m overthinking it now. what if she says no? what if she only sees me as a brother? am i being delusional?” he could feel his heart racing, and it wasn’t even the day.
jude was planning to ask you out. he felt like no other person who wasn't blood related to him could understand him, deeper and personally better than you. noticing over the past few years, he noticed his rising feelings for you. getting overexcited by the mention of you two hanging out. his cheeks heat up as the thought of you popping into his head. his resistance of trying not to pull you into a deep hug.
jobe, trying to comfort him to the best of his ability, was getting concerned. “jude, you seriously need to calm down. y/n is one of my favorite people in the entire world. have you ever seen her talk to anyone else? i mean seriously, her whole life involves us.”
“you’re not helping,” jude stands up from the bed, heading his way outside for a bit of fresh air. “i need a breather.”
walking across the sand to gather his thoughts, he saw a familiar figure in the distance.
admiring how your hair flowed in the air, perfectly shaped and painted nails coming into contact with the golden sand. your lashes slowly moving up and down as you blinked. he couldn’t grasp the idea of losing you.
“hey jude, what’s going on?” almost standing up, he quickly sat down beside you. “is anyone asking for me?”
shaking his head, “nah, everything is fine. i just needed to take a walk.”
noticing his body language, and how his eyebrows moved when he talked, something was wrong. “you seem tense. is there anything you wanna talk about? what’s on your mind?” you scooted closer to him, touching shoulders.
jude cleared his throat, a lump forming. “there’s nothing wrong. i just wanted to see the sunset. beautiful waves isn’t it?”
“definitely. i wish i could spend all day here.” resting your head on his shoulder, he began to control his breathing and heart rate. struggling to make a next move, he moved his arm to push you closer by your shoulder.
little did you know, your mother and denise were standing from the balcony, watching you two embrace each other’s comfort.
jobe holding his youngest nephew, who was pointing at the future couple, seeing what the future could bring.
----------the next morning--------------
"hey little one." jude picked up his niece and spun around.
"i found your stash of flowers. they look really pretty. are they for me?" catching a small glimpse of the gap of her teeth, jude couldn't help but laugh at the question.
"i would like to say yes, but they're for a really special girl. are you ready to go swim at the beach?"
a frown formed on her lips, "yeah, i guess so. i can't wait to build a giant sand castle that i can live there forever." she threw her arms up high in excitement.
"i don't know about forever, but i'm sure it's gonna be great."
a knock was heard on the door. the air felt colder as tension fell.
"hey jude, we're about to go." you gave him a warm smile, as he stood there in silence. he put the princess down as he went to go sat down on his bed.
he picked up his phone, texting jobe,
i'll be at the beach later, got to get my things together.
he took a deep breath. and for the next 30 minutes, he was trying to form the perfect plan. going out to the balcony to look for a special spot to set up a dinner. noticing splashes that seem far more intense.
getting a better view, he noticed you and jobe. jobe was hugging you from behind and throwing you into the waves. shared laughter echoing throughout the beach. he couldn't lie, the inside of the palm of his hands were sweating and getting white from the grip of the wood. he didn't wanna admit he was getting jealous of his own brother, but the timing was nowhere near perfect for things like this to happen. he has seen moments like this between you two, but it felt different. his head began pounding. he grabbed his towel and ran out to hopefully score a remarkable moment with you
smiles appeared on everyone's faces as he walked through the burning hot sand.
"jude, you're here!" you yelled as sounds of waves crashing and seagulls talking. he waved at you while he gave his mom his belongings for safe keeping.
joining you and jobe in the water, he felt off. in his imagination, jude felt like a mood-killer. the laughter died down, the sun no longer reflected off your skin. he felt like he caused something wrong.
clearing the air, jobe did little small splashes throughout the trio. jude stared at the smile that was on your face after jobe's actions. he felt anger race through his blood. impulsive thinking, he pushed the water right into jobe's face. jobe dodging the salt water in his eyes, he was confused on jude's sudden gesture. you ignored what just happened, because siblings can be siblings.
actions speaking more than words, jude became more aggressive. walking more towards to shore for safety, jude wasn't just playing around. he gave a jude a small but rough push to jobe, making him slip and fall into the water.
"jude, what the fuck." his eyebrows narrowed watching you trying to help jobe to his balance. you weren't sure what was going on, but awkwardness was following all three of you.
jobe cleared his throat, "do you know what we're having for dinner?"
"i think our dads are grilling tonight." jobe nodded as you played with the salt water. without any explanation, jude walked back to get the towel from his mom, and walked back to the house. jobe and you made eye contact in confusion, but just brushed it off.
walking to the shore, the three little children were playing with the sand. classic sand castle with wet sand circling it. picking up the baby boy, giving him a small kiss on his forehead, you could really see jude’s face written all over him.
“y/n, you should sit. the sand is cool under the umbrella.” jobe patted a spot next to him under the shade. sitting the baby down on your lap and hugging his tiny body, he pointed at the sand in jobe’s bucket.
“are you going to help build our castle?” the little princess with her pink hat was desperately trying to scoop a decent amount of sand in her flimsy shovel. jobe nodded his head, but we all know he loses the sand castle contest every year.
“y/n, guess what.” the girl said with a bright smile.
“what?” you smiled back, but more in confusion.
“jude has flowers in his room. i asked if they were for me, he said no. he said it was for someone special though.”
your lips made a small gap. you were shocked at the fact. jobe held in his breath. he was looking back and forth in panic.
“did you know jude was talking to someone, jobe?” he looked at you with slightly wider eyes.
frantically shaking his head, “no, of course not.” he looked at his mom for some help.
“did you know?” you asked denise.
she shrugged it off with a “no darling.” as she was playing it off. you were playing with the baby’s soft curls as your mind wandered off.
—————————
“hey jude, how are you?” walking into his room and sitting down on the desk chair as he sat on the bed, scrolling through social media.
with an unexpected surprise, jude sat up. “i’m doing fine, how are you? you look like you got a nice tan.”
a slight giggle coming out, “yeah, it’s pretty nice. i just wanted to ask you about something.”
“about?”
“our lovely niece told me you bought flowers for someone,” jude instantly looked at you in your eyes. has his secret been busted? “i was just wondering who they were for. usually when you start talking to someone, jobe and i know.”
“oh, it’s nothing really. i bought them just because.”
“just because? you can’t be serious. have you met someone at the beach?” you got up from the chair and sat next to his legs on the edge of the bed.
“seriously y/n. they’re not for anyone. it wouldn’t be any of your business anyway.”
“excuse me?”
“why are you always in my business? i feel like you and jobe are spying on everything i do. and you try to get me to speak about everything. just leave me alone.”
“what the hell are you on about? we’ve never invaded your privacy. if you felt this way, you could’ve said something a long time ago.”
standing up in anger, you couldn’t believe what you were hearing. everyone told everyone updates on their life, this wasn’t a secret tradition. surprisingly, jude would be the one sharing most of his life updates.
“you know what, you always take jobe’s side too. i feel left out every time. when i come around, you and him stop laughing and it gets all silent. i feel like i’m the bad guy.”
“jude, you’ve been acting fucking mental lately. i don’t know why you’re being like this, but you need to fix it. i asked a simple question, not a whole lecture from you.”
tears formed in your eyes as you went to leave the room.
“yeah, go run to jobe like you always do.” was the last thing you heard before slamming the door with a loud bam following it.
jobe was waiting outside the door, hearing everything. breaking down in his arms, you thought this vacation would be different.
----------the next morning--------------
the smell of syrup, eggs, and other breakfast goodies was lurking around the beach house.
not a word from jude after the argument. it wasn’t any surprise that everyone in the place heard what was happening. mark, jude and jobe’s dad, made sure to cook butterfly pancakes to try and cheer you up. something he loved doing for you since you were a child.
sitting down with a plate of eggs and toast, he placed the pancake in front of you with a little whipped cream in the middle. giving you a gentle pat on the back, you thanked him quietly. jobe sat down next to you, not wasting a chance to dig in.
all of a sudden, the hairs on your arms rose due to the coldness. awkwardness cooling down the food as jude walked into the room. jobe cleared his throat as he glanced at you before looking down. you continued to try and eat, even though he made you lose your appetite.
“morning.” jude said to his mom as he gave her a little peck on her forehead.
quick change of events as jude sat on the other side of you. it was normal of course, jude, you, and jobe. it was just unexpected that he pretended nothing happened.
everyone ate in awkward silence. except jude, humming and dancing as he ate. his mom looked at him in concern.
“what?” he questioned her, as she quickly shook her head no. “being awfully quiet this morning, what did i miss?” everyone looked at him in confusion.
“nothing, just eat.”
he threw his arms up, “hey, i’m not making this awkward. you guys are.” he got up and started washing his plate and fork.
he was right, we were the ones being awkward. it didn’t change the fact that you didn’t get an apology though. finishing up your breakfast, you forced yourself to approach him with your dirty dishes. putting it into the sink, you stood behind him, waiting for him to be done.
he slightly whispered to you, “it’s fine, i got it.” you nodded at him while you went to the balcony for a summer breeze. soon, your mother and denise joined you.
after a few hours of talking, you got a text from jude. reading,
hey, can we talk later? meet me at the beach in 2 hours.
you tried not to question it. yet, the thought lingered. jude always apologizes straight away after an argument. what made it different now? giving the message a thumbs up, you continued talking with the ladies.
“hey y/n, did jude text you?” denise asked you.
“yeah, he did. he told me to meet him in 2 hours at the beach, but that was about an hour ago.”
“oh honey, you should probably change then.” your mom chimed in.
“what’s wrong with what i’m wearing?”
“wearing pajama pants in hot sand is not very fabulous.” the two moms laughed as they rushed to put something together in your room.
after playing dress up through your suitcase, it was finally time to go. the sun was starting to set, the orange hitting the water perfectly. walking down the creaking wooden stairs, you weren’t sure to expect.
looking to your right, you hands flew on your mouth. a table surrounded with roses, forming a heart shape, was lit with a candle. standing there at the table was jude, with a bouquet of flowers. he looked very nervous.
walking up to him, you really admired the detail. you both started laughing at the sudden seriousness in the friendship.
“are you kidding me? this is surreal.” you hugged him and kissed him on his cheek.
“do you forgive me? is this too much? i didn’t know if the flowers were too much. i also didn’t know if you wanted sand in between your toes as you ate. i mean, i could literally get on my knees and beg for forgiveness. please, forgive me.” cutting him off, you placed a finger on his lips.
“of course i do. i could never stay mad at my best friend.”
“uh. ouch. i was actually going to ask you something. y/n, would you be my girlfriend.”
your mouth formed an ‘o’ shaped. he started tapping his feet in stress.
“i don’t see why i shouldn’t be.” dropping the flowers quickly on the seat, he hugged you.
in history of hugs throughout your friendship, this one was the best one. it marked a new beginning.
a new beginning of love.
-
to one of my lovely supporters - @judesthighveins
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