#i understand the Why of why i need to know how to do ABA for like. legal and compliance reasons.

[sniffanimal]

sped teaching classes so far are all like "it's incredibly important to have an empathetic, understanding, and flexible learning environment to affirm and uplift every students differences in a trauma informed and anti-ableist manner. Anyways here's how to conduct compliance based activities that will make your students pass for Normal™️"

[captainwholecake]

Sanji with a male s/o who’s a simp for him and only him like very protective but very sweet to him

Thx and have a great day❤️

a/n: TWO MEN FINALLY TWO MEN (in the tone of that two men tiktok sound)

warings: my enby ass going hard becuase male based fics are some of the best fics i’ve ever read and I usually go gender neutral anyways but I’ll make this more male on this

——

Is it considered a culture shock if it’s really just sanji seeing how his behavior is just less weird

not to mention he liked it

give this man bf NOOOWW HE DESERVES IT

I feel it would a twink situation too like only a twink would be able to get pass this man

Nothing bad not like he wouldn’t be into twinks or that he likes twinks bc they’re feminine or whatever I just feel like only a doe eye bitch would get to him like a woman would

like pudding for example she was kind of doe eyed

and also seeing someone act like he does to women would get to him going like heart racing, blood rushing do-

It would a be lapdog that thinks its a great dane situation I just know

“Don’t worry he don’t bite” the bf proceeds to bite someone

Recently got really into Gulity Gear and I feel like the dyamanic would be very aba and para coded just less intense on the aba side things but sanji would he very para coded

Theres a interaction where aba talks about her favorite color and para TURNS into that color (if you know nothing about gg hes a demon stuck inside a gaint key shaped axe) and he talks about being “her partner” it just feels like something sanji would do if he could

i feel like sanji and this bf would switch on whose more protective like on the battlefield or fights all his safety goes out the window when his bf is around he’s the #1 priorty now but in normal everyday events the bf is just a fluffy lapdog who growl at all that comes near unless trusted like the crew

zoro’s afraid to use them as an insult. he has it thought up and planned but scared two separate people will jump him he does

the lapdog bs comes full throttle when the events of whole cake island comes around

shit gets emotional lets just leave at that because if you’re reading this is you know what happens in that arc

I don’t think it would become worst but bf has a lot more a understanding on why he feels protective of sanji and why sanji can be for him

ohhh my queen reiju would love the bf I just know

she would thank him for not only being there for sanji but for taking care of him and protecting him

she definitely would also think of the bf of being a lapdog who thinks they’re a german shepherd I know it

The vibes I get from how imagine the bf is a border collie (new one piece oc just dropped???) which I know aren’t lapdogs but its the vibes do miniature border collies exist?

Anyways those types of dogs are how I see the bf a loyal mf who bite a bitch if needed

also application to be sanjis bf (as a enby)

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

asking in good faith, i remembered you once posted about having nuance about ABA and i want to understand what you mean by that because i know you post from a non-western disabled perspective.

is ABA something other than operant conditioning in other places? if not, shouldn't we be listening to the ABA survivors who call ABA abusive and dehumanizing? if something is abusive to some but happened to help others, isn't it irresponsible to say that ABA is good for anyone just because it helps some people and has hurt others, like the psychiatric system?

asking because i want to understand what nuance there is, because the only people i know who have had to endure ABA therapy in their life have survived really horrific, dehumanizing abuse like being treated as a dog by their ABA therapists. is there nuance to this?

hornet nest. don’t really love talk about ABA but will answer this one. so

1) when talk about ABA, from western perspective. ABA here (<certain non-western country) even worse lol (would say newly introduced compare to say US… plus there not much of neurodivergent acceptance movement here & eugenics rampant people on social media proudly say classic eugenics stuff n admit eugenics good. like admit eugenics by exact word.)

2) important correction that never said ABA good for anyone everyone. never said ABA not abusive never abusive. because ABA often is abusive. would say such vast majority abusive. some more subtle and or not all encompassing in practice than others but vast vast majority use harmful ideology or methods in some way (90%? higher?not scientific number by any mean, throwing it out there based on observation, more illustrate point of how high than Actual Accurate Number). if any time you (general you) got from my post about ABA think am arguing ABA never abusive then you definitely understand something wrong, or am didn’t communicate right. despite what may seem like on this blog, anytime hear “ABA” alarm bell go off. anytime see “am ABA therapist” immediate distrust & avoid & rarely earn back.

with that out of way:

fortunately with neurodivergent activists & ABA survivors advocating, n neurodiversity affirming become more of a “good thing to describe self as”, some ABA clinics trying/say they trying change. try more natural learning, try more strength based techniques, less drills, less DTT, less force eye contact, less force mask, less punishment but more reward, less food motivators, less planned withholding… we at very very beginning of this

unfortunately “neurodiversity affirming” becoming buzzword. can slap it on anything. include “at first glance look all good person have fun smiling but if know what look for, harmful practice glaring at you” ABA. people can say they do nonabusive ABA n do harmful practices. n sometimes it people genuinely trying take abusive part out of ABA but not realize some aspects still… harmful. still coercive. still take away autonomy. (ETA n of course there many places where unchanged)

operant conditioning… hard one because. n this maybe out of topic or nit pick. give self shiny gold star sticker for monkey brain (reward) whenever finish task (goal behavior) technically operant conditioning. not abusive. but ABA abusive because… “only look at behavior ignore internal, smile mean happy eye contact mean better milder” operant conditioning. “‘tantrum’ undesirable behavior attention seeking so not reward behavior need extinguish behavior by planned ignore (who care why they meltdown)” operant conditioning. “food rewards you earn eat only when you good, you earn comfort only when you good” operant conditioning. “stop elopement by physically block them from leave n once they learn stop elope they better (actually just replaced physical flight with dissociation freeze)” operant conditioning

& sometimes it not that “ABA not abusive”… but more not believe ABA more abusive than say. police that kill visibly autistic people especially visibly autistic Black people. or more serious than “put your autistic child in therapy or we take them away. n by therapy we mean ABA.” or “am single parent work multiple jobs child keep get sent home mid day bc behaviors which mean interrupt work less pay more likely get fired. struggle pay bills cant afford childcare but insurance cover 40 hour ABA idk what to do.” or “get kicked out of 7th school 937473th SLP OT because behaviors” ETA (forgot to retype when draft got deleted so add back in) this not saying “ABA abuse okay bc other abuse exist.” but more of ABA not exist alone & ABA exist because other things exist & cannot get rid of ABA alone without get rid of system that produce it

know people who went through ABA as child n not feel traumatized n actually found it help (n some of them may be traumatized just not realize it but there people who thought about it a lot & still conclude not traumatized). know people who went thru ABA found it both help n abuse. know ABA survivors who “maybe did help but abused by it don’t want the help if mean abuse.” know ABA survivors who just. abused. of course ABA survivors who abused by it should be prioritized. people who went thru ABA who not traumatized very minority & at least huge bit of luck. n often times also with some mix of privilege (location eg state with better healthcare more up to date healthcare cities at blue states etc, financial, etc.). hence why never say “ABA never abusive.” n why don’t feel comfortable call self ABA “survivor” because. well. not traumatized by it. don’t feel right

all of this (n tbh anything am saying abt ABA) more said towards non ABA survivor audience (specifically those who hear like third hand fourth hand fifteenth hand information n never actually read anything official about ABA & can’t tell you what it does beyond “promote masking” (often true… but how?) & when asked for more, no clue. am firmly believe you need know enemy to criticize & defeat enemy.). it more of way ask them talk about ABA with more nuance n more knowledge. no interest “educating” ABA survivors on what ABA is & how it work. not my place. they not need it.

^ because right now “anti-ABA crowd” turned kind of into joke in some people eyes because some people who say “ABA abusive” keep saying same thing as eachother n can’t tell you what ABA actually is beyond “masking & eye contact.” n also poorly done studies (that ABA PTSD study that anyone can just say they went thru ABA & no verify… there difference between letting survivors exist online without interrogate & demand for proof papers, versus published scientific papers). yes many most ABA abusive harmful yes no doubt ABA survivors gotten PTSD from it etc. but if in role of advocacy, neeeeeed be able talk about it with knowledge & nuance (ETA & good evidence). because most impacted are gonna be ABA survivors & them not be taken seriously (already happening).

would love world where. autistic people with serious behaviors that danger to self or others get help they need. without be kicked out of multiple services. without be abused. be treat as human. be treat compassionately. for help be freely available. n their caregivers have respite. n not need work 9 million jobs just to pay bills n not have time be around child. unfortunately we not there yet. n take long time get there. n people struggling now. so need something for now. need harm reduction. so will try take as much harmful stuff out of ABA as possible while we work on new thing.

very bad TL;DR: are there any nuance? ..yes? but when say that people tend think mean “ABA never abusive.” so also no… not in that way

sorry kind of went off tangent. but no short way talk about ABA nuance

potential context for other people? one two three four

though PLEASE. DON’T reblog these ^ posts. don’t want them get revived n have to Deal With That.

[mental-ch-illness]

um i really don't know who to ask about this so i hope you don't mind this here. im in a capital b Bad place rn, not necessarily mentally but productivity-wise i am non-functional. have known i am autistic for years now but recently finally got a diagnosis which opened up new help routes from the govt. i love with and am entirely reliant on my parents. im supposed to be a student but can't attend school bc Fuck Up.

my parents are suffering so much bc of me and are very uneducated about autism and everything is really difficult for us right now. we are a large family and so far treatment for me had cost SOOOOOO MUCH and im still not getting any better. my parents discovered ABA therapy and want to put me through it. they don't understand anything about the negatives they are just desperate for things to get better no matter what it costs on my end (which makes sense since im the one putting them thru this). i know they love me but it hurts a lot knowing how little they understand when they things like "well why can't you just do that" when they learn what masking is (i already do and also it's painful and that's such a shitty solution).

im so scared they're gonna make me do ABA and it's really expensive (you sign up for a chunk of sessions at a time and each one is 8k)(we are NOT RICH) but i can't just refuse because this has been going on for so long and everyone is miserable and im ruining my family. i can't just refuse a potential solution. but im so terrified i've heard the stories of what happens to people who go through ABA and i DONT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN TO ME

im a minor, financially dependent on them, and i love them more than anything so i can't just leave or smthn; they are always arguing and crying and it's always bc of me and i just want to be better for them; but they want me to do ABA

i need advice im so sorry i just don't know what to do at all anymore. should i suck it up and try it? it might break me inside but if it gets my outsides to function properly maybe it doesn't matter idk

I am so sorry you're going through all this. I want to reassure you that your parents very much love you. You are not a fuck up. School is not built for us. It's made to funnel people in structured 9-5 jobs with little support for anyone who can't fit into those boxes. I have been where you are now and I promise you that it does get better. It takes time and hard work— like... a lot of hard work— but it does get better. Hopefully your new diagnosis allows you to have more treatment options and you are able to achieve so much!

As someone who has experience with ABA, I have So Many Thoughts™️. ABA can be useful at teaching life skills, such as sorting, cleaning, safety information, communication, and tolerating overwhelming situations (example: doctors/dentists, school, etc). Personally, I find that it CAN be a great tool... but only in the right hands AND in a properly trauma informed and emotionally responsive environment.

Unfortunately, most people view ABA as a way to control problematic behaviors and increase compliance, instead of a form of theory that allows for a better understanding of the functioning of behavior. Personally, I think it is can be used for very young children or those who have much higher support needs. Again, it should be used to teach basic life skills. Even when that is the focus of a learner's program, it's very easy to get wrong which can lead to traumatization, prompt dependence, and more.

The field of ABA is just like any field of science and will need time to grow and change, but it's not something I can provide my full confidence in at this current. While it has improved in many ways since its early conception (it's kind of hard to get worse than rebirthing), it still has a long way to go. One of the biggest problems with ABA is that it fails to take the experiences of those with Autism into account. It took months of cajoling before I could convince an ABA practitioner to approve a oral stim toy for their client, and within that first week their self biting went from over 100 instances a day to less then 50. The practitioner seemed so shocked that an autistic person might just have a good idea or two on how to help another autistic person. Go figure.

Personally, I would look into Dialectical Behavior Therapy. DBT is known to help those with Autism learn to cope with emotionally overwhelming situations as well as sensory overload. Another really great thing about DBT is that there is often a group therapy aspect to it, which helps those with autism learn to interact positively in social environments with others who are going through similar experiences.

Hope this helps!

[babyspacebatclone]

Unaware of the hurdles speech can pose, parents are often thrilled when ABA teaches their child to speak — after all, who wouldn’t want to hear, “I love you”? They rarely realize that other approaches could facilitate more interaction while taxing their child less.

Source

I was reading this article about how ABA just - doesn’t work. And the above paragraph really got to me.

I’m a daycare teacher, and kind of a “pitch hitter” in my center - I fill in whatever role is currently needed, based on the 5.5 years of experience I have working all our age groups.

Currently, I have minimal interaction with the Toddler room (1.3 years to 2.5 years), mostly going in for 20 minutes once a week to do 2 morning breaks on the day I make sure our usual break person isn’t working 45 hours a week.

Anyway…….

The room of 14 kids actually has 2 nonverbal Autistic children, which is exceptionally bizarre luck but there you have it. Fortunately, the two staff in the room are amazing with both. One of the kids stays until the center closes half the week, and I end up being one of the two staff that hangs out with them alone for 15 minutes after everyone else is gone.

I’ve had much less interaction with “David,” the other, although he’s the one that started one-on-one intervention earlier. Apparently he’s doing fantastic with sign language; I’ve yet to work enough to recognize the signs he knows, which exceed my own vocabulary.

But he’ll come up to me and circle his arms, like for Wheels on the Bus.

I only learned this Friday it’s actually for a song his mother sings, “Roly Poly,” and was relieved to learn why he was ignoring my attempts to sing Wheels on the Bus.

Because he’s been coming up to climb into my lap with the arm circles, then grab mine and circle them.

It was so good to understand his exasperation with me, not understanding him, but that he also recognized my good intentions to engage with him.

I spend so little time with David, so the fact he has decided I’m worth seeking out for mutual play is amazing.

To me, a child feeling safe enough to come up to me circling their arms intently is a lion’s roar of “You’re trustworthy!!”

You don’t need words to communicate with a child.

More therapists for Autistic children need to spend time working with infants below 8 months old.

Learn how to read a dozen babies needs, interests, and capabilities.

Then start working on the 2 year old nonverbals.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

had the thought process again like "winston should get to do the 'i'm evil now (shutting microwave door unflinchingly)' Not People Pleasing thing....oh right that's what he always does already where this is regarded as what indeed makes him so evil sicko Arrogant Rude & deserving of whatever backlash for existing & doing anything not on request" & he's only Humiliated (i.e. thwarted) in the end of scenes or moments or whatever b/c why else does a character like this exist, right....but also if a character Does more regularly anticipate the backlash & preemptively avoid it, which is definitely Good thank you less Arrogant of you of course, like say, ben, then well at the end of the day they're sitll too much of a Pussy, oops, had to be Born superior really. & then naturally like the smh about how for taylor to be "correct" they have to defer to whatever wendy wants to do, like hey doesn't matter that like in season 4 with wendy's clearly textual "ah my moral compass returns" (as she Immediately is like hey can someone bribe the ethics panel away from creating Consequences where i can't look into stealing some employee's organs & shit? thanks) arc there being thanks to taylor, but that doesn't matter, nor does taylor kicking axe out in season 5 only to be chastised by wendy (& throwing that at rian too, who knows why that role was involved but good thing she can be like "wow wendy is correct" & Another alleged moral compass who also manages to be perfectly [the average asshole by billions standards] but also often worse, hmm. lot of Moral Chastisement thrown at taylor from every last rando in ways other characters aren't dealing with, like why tf is even chuck lecturing them sometimes. lord) but like when it's time to take down another central man, taylor's not going "you see?" at wendy & billions isn't going "yes, axe is Good now, taylor was wrong to shove him out of the way" yet still taylor just has to sit back in endorsement as wendy fucks around doing whatever, badly, now why would they take the helm here? why wouldn't ultimate form moral center & champion wendy turn to them or go "truly, my ostensible goals of Reforming axe or anyone like him with incremental moments of encouragement that if he ignores i still have his back no matter what & if he goes sicko mode even at me specifically, well, that's his prerogative as such a deserving man with his psyche that is so endlessly complex (it's: doing whatever he feels like whenever, usually to feel superior to others. done) may not have been the way" like no. no need for any real Reflection even after she decides nvm she doesn't feel like doing the moral center thing & will now be a ceo of whatever random 5 week old app will have her. & then we get to leave off with her unprompted like "oh hey taylor, you know i treated you like a peer b/c i'm saying i see you as one. here's my approval, which you need. you're welcome that i was in charge of your life" and then taylor has to be like "sigh yeah thanks for being in charge of my life. you Had to do that" and wendy's like "yeah haha i did. you're welcome. yes" like good job taylor for accepting the aba & how you're so Not a pussy that you Don't want to hug people but that's also a problem :/ a bit too much of a weirdo :// accept all these unprompted hugs & touches always. as rewards for dutifully serving your role propping up More Normal ones whenever it really counts. that's another thing wrong with winston, he would only dutifully support Weirdos including taylor & tuk & [rian whenever not completely ignoring him, including to be abusive to him or be aware he's trying to support her] while thinking a hero like wendy is untrustworthy & not wanting or respecting her righteous aba Best Self instruction. scoff. he understands nothing

[rotationalsymmetry]

No no no, fat acceptance is exactly the same as queer liberation. They're exactly the same thing.

Restricting pleasure (see also ABA, I didn't understand this before but it really is all the same thing) is a tool of social control. Or individual control depending. Or both. It's about CONTROL. Coercion. Authoritarianism.

When I was first trying to understand about gay liberation, I didn't get it, because what I was being exposed to was gay rights, and gay rights is about limiting suffering but gay liberation is about, well,

Liberation.

And I didn't get it because if it's about limiting suffering, why can't, you know, you just not? Ok not being gay isn't an option, orientation is hardwired, but behavior is a choice and people can not do gay (have same-sex sex and/or relationships) or not do trans (not transition) and I didn't understand where it fit into everything else, fighting climate change and progressive taxation and public transit and racial equality (people don't "do" their skin color or their country of origin, and people do "do" religion but somehow that always seemed different) and restricting corporate power and immigration rights and labor rights and all that. I didn't see where it fit in.

And I didn't understand where sex fit into the rest of life and why it seemed so different from everything else.

But now I think, it's not different. It's pleasure. It's about pleasure, joy, satisfaction, connection.

And authoritarian systems don't just try to control sex, you can't do this you have to do that. They control everything! Go on a diet, for your health. Don't fidget in class and don't run in the hallways, but do exercise during gym whether you want to or not. Rules for how you dress, how you present. ("Of course you have blue hair and pronouns.") Rules for how you interact, rules made by someone else that you have no say in. Rules for what your face looks like. Say thank you for gifts you didn't want. Say sorry whether you're actually sorry or not.

Your interests need to be what's acceptable, if what you like is too childish or too weird or not for your gender you have to stop.

It's not just sex. It's all like that.

People seeing food primarily in terms of weight loss (or muscle building, or whatever) is the same as seeing relationships primarily in terms of whether your parents or your friends or your colleagues will think you chose well. It's exactly the same. Food tastes good! You can notice it tastes good if you interact with food primarily as a source of pleasure and connection and joy. You can't do that if you're all caught up in good food/bad food nonsense.

(And it's also the same because people don't actually control their body shapes and people shouldn't be penalized for things they shouldn't control. But. Dieting provides some control, at least in the short term, often enough that people believe people control their body shapes. Which is probably why weight is given so much social significance. If it wasn't something people could help, it wouldn't be as effective in controlling people's behavior, and not just the behavior of fat people, also very much the behavior of thin people afraid of the penalties of being fat.) (in much the same way that penalizing poor people for being poor isn't mostly about controlling the behavior of people who need benefits right now, it's mostly about controlling the behavior of people who have more money and don't want to lose it. Keeps people in shitty jobs and shitty relationships so they don't fall into the void.)

[foster-the-world]

More info

I'm watching autism documentary #3. In a different key - it's interesting. Listened to five or six embracing autism podcast today. Talked to the special ed consultant. She was helpful.

She said they will recommend:

1. A SEIT (Masters degree special ed teacher) to do individual time with him for up to ten hours a week in his current class. She said all public schools should also have an OT, PT and a speech pathologist that he could see.

2. A 8:2, 10:2, or a 12:2 special ed class. They will provide all services including ABA therapy. The evaluator mentioned this on Friday so its mostly what I'm expecting they recommend.

Special ed consultant recommended if they give us the special ed school we should take it. They would bus him there. We will try to do a tour before our IEP meeting.

Unless the tour is super impressive at this point I would prefer to keep him in his current setting with the SEIT support. Our family prioritizes community/family highly. Both things would be given up/down played if we send him out of our community and without his sisters. Of course, we will do that if he really needs it but I don't see why we wouldn't at least try keeping him here. Everything says the least restrictive placement is best.

It helps that when I asked the assistant teacher how he is doing today she got a big smile on her face and said "He is doing great. He's playing, eating and sleeping. He's so funny." It made my heart so happy. Of course, he would still be great even if his teacher didn't see it. It's just really nice to know he's showing off his amazing self to others. He's high maintenance but he's so, so, so great.

It feels like whiplash going from fighting for two forty five minutes of OT per month for over a year to discussions of 10-30 hours of individual therapy at a special ed school to his gen ed teacher saying he's doing great.

Even if we don't follow her advice I appreciate the special ed consultants information. The only thing I didn't like was when she brushed off my questions about diversity of the student body in school options. She said it didn't matter. She did go on to say the priority at age three needs to be getting him the services he needs. Which makes sense. I would have appreciate that explanation with a "I know it really sucks but right now you can't prioritize that need because the special ed services are currently more important." Instead of claiming it doesn't matter. At some point we may not be able to prioritize finding a place with kids/teachers that look him, or a place in our lovely community or a place with his sisters. That doesn't mean those things aren't important. Those needs don't go away because he has special needs. The documentary is now featuring African American families of kids with autism. It's validating my concerns.

Researching ABA therapy. I don't even know what they would try to get him to do. He's not safe when he runs full speed without looking forward. When he's in a big crowd he gets all amped up and his body gets out of control in unsafe ways. I'm attaching a picture of the first day of school as an example. He was super excited to see everyone so he's movements increased tenfold. I would love to get him help with those things. I watched videos of ABA and don't know what they would do to help him through either of those issues? I'm reading the criticism's. I would like to see how its implemented in schools. I want to better understand what they are offering.

Let's see how the speech appointment goes tmrw. Its an hour train commute each way. Blah.

It's supposed to rain during Bee's park Birthday party. We can move it inside but its not ideal. Not really enough space for fifty people.

[asksoldieron]

SO-1: Here We Go Again!

If there's a lot of engagement on this, this post is liable to get real long, beware before you expand.

I'll edit in the real art once I make some!

Welcome to the Engagement Lounge, for This Seems Familiar (SO-1) an instalment! Short comments can go in the replies, but there's a 475 character limit. Longer ones will need a reblog. Remember to @asksoldieron if you're reblogging someone else's reblog, so I can see it too!

Woo. It's been a while since I posted this one now. As of this writing it's still lacking an illustration, but I went through and edited for continuity. I don't think this one changed much. (Mainly I needed to add the gumballs, and that's not until later. It's very important about the gumballs. Why? You'll see 😁.)

There may be a little quality loss here, but I'll need yet more distance to see it. The main thing is that I wanted to pen an opening that wouldn't be too confusing to new readers, or too boring to old ones. That's tough! And I don't have any beta readers who aren't already familiar with the story.

I should say, I didn't. And now I don't again! But earlier this year, I joined a group for autistic writers and... Ohhh-kaaaay. That was an experience I will not repeat.

I got fed up and finally cut ties when I found out they were affiliated with a local group that offers ABA for autism. You'll still find a lot of "favourable" articles about it on the internet, including from our "friends" at Autism Speaks! People just love it because it makes autistic kids stop acting autistic! Not "being," no, it just trains them not to act that way and inconvenience the rest of you. Often with punishments! Ha-ha, yeah. That's fine. This is fine. A disability is just like any other antisocial behaviour, you can just cut that shit out!

But I didn't know that about them, and I've been trying to make friends and connections. A group of autistic writers? And we don't have to meet in person? Sign me right up!

It was more a group for one particular autistic editor and her longsuffering friend, and the editor had all the inflexible dogmatism media tells you to expect from people like us. "I think everyone should stop masking because it's hard for me!" she said (I'm paraphrasing) once. "If we all just stop doing it, there won't be a problem!" Ha-ha. Yeah. They kill people like me when we don't behave up to a standard. Maybe not like her, because she's small, feminine and white, but people like me and my family.

That's the level of insight I was getting, but I stuck with it because I'm a people-pleaser!

We only had "time" for a couple pages of the first draft of this instalment (even though not many people were there and not all of them wanted to read words aloud, my god) and I got pressured into sharing first, having never been there before with no idea how I was meant to act. She proceeded to critique it as if it were a short story (not true) and as if that were all, or almost all, of it (clearly not true, I was sharing my screen at the time). I dunno if you wanna open it in another tab and look, but I began with Erik in the first draft. 1000 words into that is 1/5 of a standard instalment length and you've barely met him by the end.

I went back and added Miss Doubek (whom I was going to save for #6) at the beginning, so you could see the world through the eyes of someone a little less impaired. Because this writer group and editor convinced me y'all needed me to hold your hands a little tighter or you'd nope out.

"I don't understand what's happening" is like a kick in the groin to me. Growing up, I did not have a big enough vocabulary to express my big stories and big thoughts, so I heard that a lot. I still do sometimes! I'm overly specific and complex, especially when I'm upset, and I get aphasic and shut down. But, no, they didn't understand. The editor's poor friend was willing to hazard that there was obviously something wrong with Erik and she was beginning to suspect he was being held against his will - as one should. I solve that little mystery for you by the end. But I didn't get to read the end. I didn't even get to John coming home.

The editor told me (and, if I ever die of an aneurism, it will have been these words in my brain that killed me) "People don't say 'I know.'" That shut me right down. I was expected to keep talking and I probably did, but... Wha? Buh? I say "I know" all the time! One of my top ten ways to sort out my thoughts or rephrase and repeat what someone's trying to express so we're both on the same page. "I know [this], are you saying [that]?" But I removed it, and I don't think I put it back. (I think I ended up referencing the brain damage earlier instead, because I thought you needed to see a reason Erik might bit a little off, even if that's not the real one.) I'm still feeling self-conscious about using that phrase, in text and IRL!

By the grace of god, I didn't have a total meltdown and gut everything, but I wrote poorly and without joy for a long while. Trying to meet the standards of someone who had no idea what I was doing and didn't care to learn. She was an editor! I always wanted access to one of those!

Yeah. This helped solidify my now-militant belief that 1) Traditional publishing is not for me and 2) Stuffing art into a tiny box will kill it, so 3) Maybe we should be a little more grateful that people share the things they love with us.

I am clueless. I have sinned. I have issued unsolicited criticism on the internet, with the best of intent. But I am gonna try like hell not to do it anymore. Y'all don't need to be ruin your week. Unless you say you want help (and I will take you seriously, even if you don't mean it, so be careful!) or you're hurting others, I will back off and accentuate the positive. Even if the best I can come up with in the moment is "You made a thing!" (Ha-ha, nonverbal blues.)

Wow, that came out kinda sad. But I'm OK now! Tired of website glitches, but loving the writing part. I'd rather write another instalment than do any of this other stuff I got on my plate, but that's not in the cards for a few more days...

[Back to the Site?]

[nerves-nebula]

Not gonna pester u about sleeping cuz that would be hypocritical of me at the moment!!

Aba is good for one(1) thing. Figuring out what makes neurotypicals tick. And how to not do that. And it would be MUCH better done by dead of ass; looking into character dissections. Learned so.much from theories and shit in fandom then that h e l l.

And for reference a moment I recalled from aba✨:

I'll be using L for me and T for therapist, and M for my mom. As she sat in for all of these. :)

L: I don't get why they hit me. Or why they locked me in that room. (Context: "they" is a teacher)

M:thay didn't *hit* you. They restrained you cuz u were-

T: *puts up a finger to tell m to shut up* well, what did u do to cause them to do that?

L: I, I didn't do anything? I guess I was a little frustrated at my work, but I didn't DO anything.

T: well that's not true is it?

M: no it's not. *Addressing t only* The teachers called and said |redacted| was VERY rude and was acting violent.

L: I was not! I wanted help! I didn't understand what the directions meant and they weren't listening! They kept saying everything but what I needed help with!!!

T:so, you weren't communicating properly and acted violent?

L: not to them! I was trying the think, I had to MOVE to think.

T: well you cant do that! *Normal* people don't have to move to think and it's not good to move like that. Just sit there, quietly and be still. U got in trouble because you scare people. That's not okay. That's bad. U need to change your behavior. Okay. And mom: (at this point the therapist and my mom basically talked to each other all session while I shut down.

The elementary I got switched to in 4th grade after ri got kicked out of my last own to protect their image after two cops they called hogtied me and carried me out that shit hole after I put up with it's nonsense for four years of being told to kms for being sad my best friend died. Had a policy for the special ed classrooms that kids who acted out could get locked for up to two hours in a dinky ass little closet. It was hell.

The situation being referenced was me getting in trouble for stimming while trying to think to do my math homework they refused to help me with cuz they thought I should just know it already cuz I was so good at my ela work. I had at the time missed a good 8 months of school. It was pure nonsense to me. Aka: long division.

Haha, still can't do it and now it's a trigger ✌️ sorry to my 7th grade math teacher who tried to teach me, I can't remember cuz ptsd~

god that sounds fucking terrible. lets go beat up your ""therapist"" ,,, together <3

[sleepy-achilles]

Request asks and I have no choice but to deliver.

For hbtaker you could do a scenario where they meet for the first time, and instantly know they’re gonna end up together down the line

(even when shawn was a slut and taker was an antisocial zombie 🥰)

And maybe for family of destruction you could write about how all the fam would react to big evil taker being buried alive/dying again.

Can’t remember if this would fit the tl of leon and cassie being old enough to understand it, but it’s a thought? 😅

Luckily for us the og family of destruction timeline has Leon being 3 when takers buried alive. And even luckier for us, I have the ability to fuck with timelines and make them fit. Welcome to 5 year old cassie and 10 year old Leon. But first, hbtaker.

Hbtaker- Forever.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Shawn blows a bubble at vince in annoyance. "Im serious Shawn." Vince sighs. Shawn rolls his eyes. "Sure thing boss" "You should try making some friends." Vince tells Shawn. Shawn just pouts and leans back in his chair. "Why would I need friends? I'm here to perform, as long as I can do that I'll be fine" Shawn states. Vince just chuckles and shakes his head. "That view will change one day michaels, you'll realise you need people, now get going" vince tells him. Shawn sighs and stands up. "As if." Shawn states. "Youll fall in love one day Shawn. For real that time aswell." Vince states. Shawn looks at the older man. "Im the heartbreak kid! Love is a fools game" Shawn smirks before walking out. "Sure it is" vince hums with a knowing look on his face as shawn pauses in the doorway.

Shawns eyes widen as a tall man with red hair walks down the hall. He stops infront of Shawn and looks down at him. "Uh um hi, I...I'm shawn" Shawn states. Undertaker examines him and tilts his head. Shawns eyes widen as his heart races. "Cmon taker boy what's the wait!" A high voice shrills. Shawn looks as the short fat man appears. "Oh. Michaels.." he chuckles, shawn didnt know who this man was. He saw the taller mans debue and this wasn't his handler. At least not out there. "You gonna let my next meeting in Shawn?" Vince asks from behind him. Shawns cheeks heat up. "Oh! Yes um sorry" Shawn chokes stepping to the side. The fatter man walks in after vince smirks at shawn and goes back in. Taker stops next to shawn and looks back at him. He sends him a small smile and shawn gasps quietly as the man walks into the office and the door shuts. Shawn can't help the blush and small smile as he skips off down the halls.

------------------------------------------------------------------

The Family of Destruction- Diggin Graves

I've done shawns reaction to the famous vince vs aba!taker buried alive match. Its the kids turn

------------------------------------------------------------------

Leon could sense something was wrong the moment they stepped foot in the arena. It was a pay per view meaning both their parents were in work on the same day, meaning him and his baby sister had to be there.

At first he thought his papas match was what he could sense, but as he stands with him in the medical bay he can still sense it. "Daddy" cassie whines tugging Leon's arm. Leon glances at his little sister before back at their papa. "Go on baby. Goto the gorilla and watch daddy's match" Shawn tells him. Leon looks at him with concerned eyes. "Ill be fine. I promise." Shawn reassures him. Leon looks as Steve walks in. "Look, Steve's here now so it's fine" Shawn states. Steve looks at the kids. "Oh yeah, I'll look after your papa, don't worry. Go have fun, John cena is in the gorilla." Steve tells them. "Johnny!" Cassie cheers pulling Leon's arm.

Leon frowns but forces himself to walk her out. "Is he okay?" Steve asks. "Hes been like it since we entered the arena...he must feel like something is wrong." Shawn shrugs.

---

Leon stands by himself as he watches the tv. Cassie quickly accepting John's arms to rest in.

Leon isn't phased by the blood on his father. He already knows its not his. Its the way the hairs on the back of his neck stands. Something isn't right.

"Daddy!" Cassie yells. Leon's eyes widen as the digger explodes on their father. Leon's breathing picks up as their uncle stares down at their father with a massive evil smile. "Whats uncle kane doing?" Cassie asks. John glances at hunter and Stephanie who are also confused. Leon closes his eyes.

'Daddy?'

'Leon...my baby boy'

Leon immediately panics. His eyes snapping open as takers thrown into the grave. He ain't been able to communicate with his dad like that since he became human again. Leon can't breath.

He falls to his knees as the dirt begins to fall. "Leon? Leon!" Stephanie gasps rushing to Leon's side. "Ill go grab shawn" hunter states before rushing off. "Leon? I need you to breathe" Stephanie instructs. Leon looks up at the tv screen with watery eyes. He lets out a choked whimper at the sight of the dirt falling. "Baby? Baby breathe" Stephanie instructs. Leon gasps before letting out a shakey breath.

"Cassie it's okay, it's okay" John tries comforting the girl. "W-why is uncle kane doing this?" Cassie cries. John looks at Stephanie who's still trying to comfort the small boy. The small boy who's crying hard, his eyes glowing a deep purple. His eyes then snap up to a in shock Shawn. A urn clasped tightly in his hands, Steve and goldust behind him.

"NO!" Leon cries slamming his small fists onto the ground. He can't sense him. He can't sense his father.

Cassie flinches as the urn hits the floor, she hides her face against John's shoulder as she whimpers. John doesn't think she truly understands like Shawn and Leon, he believes she's more upset about the idea of her daddy being stuck somewhere.

Leon's purple eyes turn to the urn. A sudden rage burning through him. A sudden rage no ten year old should have.

"Enough for tonight." Shawn's voice is rough, hand heavy on Leon's shoulder. "No more." Shawn whispers as Leon's eyes fade back to normal. His Papa looks rough. Scared. Leon glances at cassie who's crying.

That's the day Leon vowed his family will never suffer another loss again.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"We have reports that son of the undertaker and Shawn Michaels has been rushed to hosptial on his sixteenth birthday. Father and son duo, the undertaker and Leon Michaels were supposed to be performing tonight for the raw live show when the accident happened backstage. We haven't been given many details just that there's a lot of blood and that the officials are not sure what condition the young boy is in. We will try to find out more and inform you as soon as poss-"

"Critical condition." The high voice chuckles.

[delphiniumjoy]

Headcanons as Representation?

Happy Disability Pride Month everybody! Now I have a discussion question for the class. Where is the line between non-canon representation and accepted representation? I’m talking specifically in the context of autism because that’s my disability, and because hidden/speculated representation is less possible for visible disabilities. How do we define the canonicity of an autistic character? Do we consider ACD’s Sherlock Holmes to be autistic because he shows numerous traits and was created in a time before the word existed? Do we refuse BBC’s Sherlock because despite showing many of the same traits, he’s a negative stereotype to fulfill the creator’s intellectual power fantasy (the same creator who has specifically rejected people’s headcanons because his ableism means the label would ruin the fantasy)? Does representation need to be explicitly stated onscreen, or is a creator’s Twitter confirmation satisfactory? 

I want to look at a very specific (and at this point irrelevant) piece of media for this. The fandom has mostly died out, but I was an active member in the heyday from 2017-2019, and as much as it pains me to admit it, I still have a lot of opinions about Be More Chill. I’m referring specifically to the musical, because I simply never read the book by Ned Vizzini, and because many elements were changed between the two. The question is, can we officially consider protagonist Jeremy Heere to be autistic? In original drafts of the show, the word was mentioned but eventually written out, presumably for “sensitivity” purposes. There’s audio from a workshop performance that has floated around TikTok, and while autistic creators are using it in a reclaimed sense, it’s understandable why it might’ve been uncomfortable for some.  I’ll just type out the lyrics:

Every lame characteristic makes you come off as autistic. We’ll fix your vibe then fix some more… I am autistic… We’ll fix that.

This brings up another aspect to this conversation, though, and that’s how everything about the plot and Jeremy’s character arc aligns with ideas of unhealthy masking and even ABA therapy. Jeremy doesn’t fit in. He hates himself, and hates the idea that he’ll always be an outcast. He feels pathetic, which has been repeatedly reinforced by the society around him. So when he’s given a magical macguffin to make him more popular, he goes for it, despite knowing he’s doing so selfishly, and he faces the consequences. Those consequences, of course, are that the Squip is verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive (it regularly shocks him) to get him to alter his personality and behavior. One could argue that it is also responsible for the sexual assault in the second half of the show, because while another character is making unwelcome advances, the Squip makes it impossible for Jeremy to escape. It isolates him from what little support system he has, shames him for every unsightly aspect of his personality (even those he was personally okay with), and promises him that it is all in the interest of improving his life. This aligns pretty clearly with the methods and goals of ABA: forced compliance until the child can consistently appear “normal.”

Unsurprisingly, many autistic teenagers (myself included) really saw themselves in this show. Fortunately, Jeremy learns his lesson, the Squip goes away, and he’s able to build a community with old and new friends because everyone is now more able to drop the facade of social expectations. It gave us hope that maybe we would stop feeling so out-of-place eventually. Also, many of the characters were somewhat flat caricatures, in the way that most teenage characters written by middle-aged men tend to be, so the doors were WIDE open for extrapolation through fan-made content. And even though the explicit mention of autism had been written out of the version we all knew, many fans were headcanoning Jeremy as autistic anyway. Even those of us who didn’t explicitly have the headcanon were writing him as if he was, because we related to him (even if we didn’t know we were autistic at the time either). By the time the show was revived off-Broadway and transferring to Broadway, there was an incredibly dedicated fanbase of neurodivergent teenagers, and the show knew that was their audience. I have not seen the original source, but Will Roland, the actor who came on to play Jeremy in this later production, has apparently said that he also views the character as autistic, and portrayed him as such. 

So returning to the question at hand: can we consider this canonical representation? Even if it’s not textually explicit, and even if the writers haven’t made any public statements, there were traces of intent in every era of the show. Despite all that, do we avoid doing so because the show actively frames autistic traits as shameful? Even though the intent is clearly to use the ordeal to come to a “just be yourself” conclusion, the resolution is quite rushed and sloppy, and could easily be misconstrued. 

Obviously intentional, healthy representation will always be preferred, but is there a place for these characters to be considered?

[just-an-enby-lemon]

Every time I get into youtube this days there is like five videos about terfs and four that are exclusivaly about JK and always from new people debating it again and again and I don't know why the algorithmic thinks that because I watched some of thoses videos some time ago I'll want to keep doing it forever and like I'm just soo tired.

I don't know how to explain it because I feel shitty all the time about a bunch of things and transphobia is on top and I'm tired. And when I enter youtube I don't want to be bombarded with the memory that there is a vocal group that hates my existence and has a lot of political support. I just want something to play while I try to finish all my monthly solitary challenges and destress so I can think.

And that's nothing against the videos. I understand we need to talk about it and it's good that the bigots aren't the ones completly controlling the narrative but I don't know I guess I just want some queer joy. I just want to be happy for half a second. And I used to not care. But I'm the only trans person (and nb person) on my friend group and somehow even though all of them are some degree of queer I became the one that has to talk about it all the time. To explain my existence, to explain their existence to others (they ask me to do it), to try to explain to good intencioned bigots why they are still bigots and I just... I just want to exist for half a second man.

I'm not perfect. I literally just misgendered a characther for stupid reasons like five minutes ago and I still have to be the one that has to explain shit because idk I'm open about it? I'm not. I gave up talking to my parents about it after my mom said the reason for my gender confusion was because she wanted a boy when she was pregnant but I'm just a confused girl and said she was sorry for having post partum depression and making me queer or something and I don't even dare to try to talk about it with my family. I love my family. My grandma gave me happy birthday and said I'm her favorite grandaughter and I want to keep living in their lie thatthey love me unconditionally and we can only keep that if they never know. Maybe is because I'm vocal about being autistic? Because it sucks. I had a panick atack reading an old academic article about autism in class because it was soo dehumanizing and no one else saw it that way. The future ABA people treat me like a kid and are shocked that I'm just a fully functional 21 yo. And I have to debate them! To respect their choice of activally pursuing a path that harms kids and if I question it I'm just silly and my personal experiences don't matter because I was diagnosed later and never had ABA and the mothers of the kids they intern with love ABA and I don't even know what this post is.

I'm just having a burnout from existing I guess. From existing and being a good public speaker while having perfomance anxiety. And no one ever used they/them or any neutral language to reffer to me and I always say I use neutral pronouns as well and list it on my bio. And I was listed as woman for someone who accepts me and when I mentioned they thought someonelse did it and I just let them gaslight this person because I knew it wssn't on purpose and had no energy and the other girl would have done it anyway.

I think I wish I had just an opportunity to be rude. That I didn't need validation and to be liked for everyone. That I wasn't so afraid of being a problem. That I could just say that it's good that you don't see my boobs as a part of my gender and I know it isn't your intencion but it gives me dysphoria sometimes andbit really really annoys me how everytime someone goes "you really want top surgery?" yeah. I'm sorry you feel dysphoric for having small boobs or whatever but I literally have to do a drag persona in my head everytime I use a dress or make up because I can't see myself as the person in the mirror and I'm just tired because everyone has valid reasons except me. I only have valid reasons when I'm actually wrong. And I just want to be a prick to everyone even if they don't deserve it at all because I don't deserve it also and I don't know how to solve it and I just wanted some queer joy. The euphoria of being the "somehow this is the most feminine and the most masculine look you had" by a close friend. The silly smile when my aunt reffered to me on the masculine for accident. Hanging out with my queer friends and feeling I have a place. The quiet moments of just existing and feeling good with it. The happiness of when someone actually gets it. The niceness of just being myself to myself at least.

[higheverweave]

Yall BPD ASD solidarity should be a celebrated thing.

Im on the opposite end of the diagnosis spectrum I was Early diagnosed. But being early dxed comes with a different set of challenges.

Mainly Internalized Abelism

But The thing alot of people dont get that is Early dx late dx culture clash

Is the Solidarity rule that we know what its like to be made to feel alone to have ABA classes that teach you you are wrong for who you are.

(^ That and the Nuance that some folks Who are at double risk of being unalived by cops

Their parents and loved ones have to make the choice of

Do I want my kid to never face abuse and be dead Or to face abuse and be alive?

(Only one of those questions The person is still alive so they can have time and support to heal..)

When It comes to Disability culture and Other harmed cultures solidarity that is super important to Early dxed folks because of the shared generational trauma of asylums and the facts:

That Asylums targeted People with BPD ,ASD, and other neurodivergence as well as people with developmental disabilities Down syndrome, Cerebral Palsy ,you name it

Anti eugenics is part of that but so is recognizing and celebrating the duty we all owe to other folks who faced similar cruelty..

Asylums are still around and used as threats

And lets be honest whats wrong with BPD why do people villainize it when often its valid fears stemming from pain and trauma

(which also makes you all really mindful and great friends to people who are experiencing or have experienced trauma.)

There isn’t any condition that should be villainized this is not to say some conditions cant have extreme factors

But

You can Love somebody from a distance

You can understand it may not always be safe to have clashing personalities and people with clashing disorders in the same place due to how their needs may conflict on a way that harms them both …

(But not trusting isnt the same as not loving.)

Not trusting is a valid practice that comes from trauma but also being smart enough to keep yourself safe

You can learn to have your guard up regardless of where you are or who you are with and still enjoy the time you spend (around both ND folks and NT folks.)

As a late diagnosed autist I will say one of the most damaging but transformative experiences I've ever had was being misdiagnosed with BPD.

Everyday my heart goes out to people with BPD.

The amount of stigma and silencing they face is astonishing and sickening.

I took DBT for years. Therapists use to turn me away because of my diagnosis.

I would be having full blown autistic meltdowns, crying for help literally - but because I was labeled as BPD ANY time I cried I was treated as manipulative and unstable.

As if the only reason I could be crying was if I was out to trick someone.

95% of the books out there with Borderline in the title are named shit like 'How to get away from a person with Borderline', 'How to stop walking on eggshells (with a person who has BPD)'

I was never allowed to feel true pain or panic or need.

That was 'attention seeking behavior', not me asking for help when a disability was literally inhibiting my ability to process emotions.

There were dozens of times where I had a full meltdown and was either threatened with institutionalization or told I was doing it for attention.

My failing relationships weren't due to a communication issue, or the inability to read social cues. No, because I was labeled borderline, my unstable relationships were my fault. Me beggong nuerotypicals to just be honest and blunt with what they meant was me pestering them for validation.

Borderline patients can't win.

And the funny thing is - I asked my therapist about autism. I told her I thought I was on the spectrum.

BPD is WILDLY misdiagnosed with those with autism and I had many clear signs.

Instead - she told me 'If you were autistic we wouldn't be able to have this conversation'. She made me go through a list of autistic traits made clearly for children, citing how I didn't fit each one.

And then she told me that me identifying with the autism community was the BPD making me search for identity to be accepted - and that I wasn't autistic, just desperate to fit in somewhere.

I didn't get diagnosed for another ten years. For ten years I avoided the autism community - feeling as if I were just a broken person who wanted to steal from people who 'really needed it'.

Because of my providers - I began to doubt my identity MORE, not less.

Ten years of thinking I was borderline and being emotionally neglected and demonized by a system meant to help me.

To this day, I still don't trust neurotypicals. Not fully.

I know I'm not borderline now - but my heart aches for them. Not for the usual stuff. But for the stigma. And the asshole doctors. And the dismissiveness and threatening and the idea of institutionalization hanging over their head.

I love Borderline people. I always will. I'm not Borderline but if you are I love you and I'm sorry.

You're not a bad person. You're not a therapists worst nightmare, you are a human with valid feelings and fears.

Borderline people I'm sorry.

[systems-overloaded]

update about the whole, aba-adjacent & tbmc sessions for turning conscious speech into automatic speech thing:

~~ ~~ ~~

so... some of the things concerned if were possible. in some memories/journals, that the group was attempting to do. probably is possible.

looked it up. thinking thered be no luck, no information at all. but theres like... a bunch of information. a bunch.

i thought they were like... doing something crazy and unheard of, and maybe not even possible. but no. theres a crap ton of speech therapy protocols and research about this out there.

apparently having 24/7 "conscious speech" is not really the "normal", and not the goal. but that "automatic speech" is the normal, the healthy default actually. that most people most the time just have automatic speech, and sometimes conscious speech. which is crazy. maybe i misinterpreted stuff though...? ive assumed automatic speech would be the abnormal speech, that people would've wanted to decrease, because its not one the person is having constant control over. but i guess automatic speech is not exactly the same as involuntary speech. and since people can choose not to say something, even as its already being about to be said (through the automatic speech brain pathway, in literal milliseconds), its not really out of their control?

idk, just... in most memories, almost all speech is conscious speech. i assumed this is default. people think thoughts, then consciously decide to say them, then have their mouth say it? but apparently, most people have speech already being created/about to be said, before they even decide to say it??? and this happens in MILLISECONDS.

our speech disorder as kid was apraxic speech. which, i guess has more issues with conscious speech than with automatic speech. and theres lots of information about how to increase automatic speech, and even some i found about how stress can make conscious speech be sent straight to automatic speech.

so... its not actually a stretch at all. or unlikely, or impossible. for the things they were trying to do, to have happened, nor impossible for it to have worked to a certain extent.

(below has potentially triggering content. super vague though.)

like... they wanted to try and get rid of all my conscious speech, and make all speech go through the automatic speech pathway. and they did that through torture. and thats super fucked up. and they mustve achieved it, since our speech issues had improved so much for a good couple of years.

i just dont understand why the issues are so bad again. why my speech is basically back to almost pre-speech therapy, pre TBMC (for speech) stuff.

is it just that, the subsystem thats currently fronting wasnt around for that traumas, so doesnt have the "benefits" from those "sessions". or if since ik programs need to be reinforced or they break apart and fall away with time, is it just that this one has fallen away? or could it even be that these speech issues were having so bad again (less than a word or two a day possible. extreme disconnect and difficulty to have mouth plan/create shapes/words. including facial expressions unfortunately) could be a programmed response, to prevent communicating about things that happened to us?

im just... idk. i dont know exactly how to feel about this. glad its not such a major concern anymore of "holy crap what if this is a legit delusion", but also not glad because that means it probably happened. which i cant really decide which is worse. some parts hope its a delusion so it didnt happen, some parts hope it happened so then its not a delusion, and ahhhhh idrk how i feel. i dont even really know if there is a "me" to have an opinion on this. i feel like im just a conduit for other parts to express themsleves through.

~~ ~~ ~~

sorry, once again, if this was long. this is one of the places alters will more frequently check and read our past posts though. so its a reliable method to share some info, and i wanted to update about this. also... on the off chance anyone actual had been reading our posts about speech issues and the ABA-adjacent/TBMC stuff related to it, i thought id give an update.

[mirandamckenni1]

The Importance of Stimming in Late Diagnosed Autistic Adults The art of stimming is important for autistic people, especially late-diagnosed autistic adults who may have trained themselves out of it. In this video we will cover: what is stimming, why do we stim, why is stimming important, and how do I re-learn the art of stimming. I’ll also share my new FAVORITE stim toy that helps me fidget discreetly during meetings and social gatherings. Scroll down for timestamps to jump to a specific section of the video. 🪀 🙀 STIM TOY: The Ono Roller (affiliate link) http://bit.ly/3xLZnQY USE CODE: MOMONTHESPECTRUM at checkout for 10% off your order 👕 Autistic AF T-shirt: https://ift.tt/SOD4BqV 🌟 ⏩ Connect with others like you in an Autistic Connection Group: https://ift.tt/6Oj5Mit 🙀🌟 RESOURCES 🌟🕺 👉 🚨 Download my FREE Ultimate Guide to Understanding Autism: https://ift.tt/7siDrV8 💻 🎭 ONLINE COURSE How to Unmask https://ift.tt/pUlBwSX 📒 Meltdown Survival Guide: https://ift.tt/ahGEtYP 🗂 FREE Big Autistic Resource Guide (BARG): https://ift.tt/PU875mW 🖥 Mom on the Spectrum website: https://ift.tt/pv8cjmC Autistic Inertia video: https://youtu.be/UmRVTHiJ4-8 More Mom on the Spectrum Videos: https://www.youtube.com/momonthespectrum Article: Stimming, Therapeutic for Autistic People, Deserves Acceptance: https://ift.tt/Tj8V5tl Article: Flap Like a Butterfly, Stim Like a Bee: https://ift.tt/UgKT3px 💃⭐️ FIND ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA 🤠🎶 Instagram: https://ift.tt/PbqOAds Tiktok: https://ift.tt/JfHZMLR TIMESTAMPS Click on any of the blue timestamps to jump to that section of the video. What is stimming? (0:59) Why do we stim? (1:49) Why is stimming important? (4:14) Did I forget how to stim? (5:55) Why do we stop stimming? (6:30) Covert stims (7:01) What happens when we suppress our stims? (8:32) Self awareness leads to change (10:07) Imposter syndrome when re-learning stims (11:01) ABA Therapy and “Quiet Hands” (12:45) My favorite stim toy! (14:06) 📬 BUSINESS ADDRESS: Taylor Heaton 8901 Tehama Ridge Parkway, Suite 127 PMB 680 Fort Worth, TX 76177 📧 Business inquiries: info@momonthespectrum.life 👏🏻 FREE 👏🏻 WAYS TO SHOW YOUR SUPPORT 🦾 🟥 SUBSCRIBE to the channel 🟧 LIKE the videos that are helpful to you 🟨 COMMENT in the comment section 🟩 Click the “bell” to be notified when I release new videos 🙏 Thank you immensely to those of you who have already donated, been active on the channel, and/or purchased the Meltdown Survival Guide. DISCLAIMER: Taylor Heaton is not a licensed psychologist or specialist healthcare professional. Her services do not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals. Please note that Taylor can’t take any responsibility for the results of your actions, nor any harm or damage you suffer as a result of the use, or non-use of the information available through her website, YouTube Channel, or social media accounts. Please use judgment and conduct due diligence before taking any action or implementing any plan or practice suggested or recommended by Taylor Heaton or Mom on the Spectrum. Please note that Taylor doesn't make any guarantees about the results of the information you may apply from her website, YouTube channel, and/or social media accounts. Taylor shares educational and informational resources that are intended to help you succeed in navigating life as an autistic adult. You nevertheless need to know that your outcome will be the result of your own efforts, your particular situation, and innumerable other circumstances beyond Taylor's knowledge and control. Taylor is an Amazon affiliate and may receive commissions on qualifying purchases from affiliate links. Taylor is a Flare affiliate and may receive commissions on qualifying purchases from Flare links. 🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿 You are a beautiful person worthy of love! #actuallyautistic #momonthespectrum #autisticadult via YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gWd0JnnsrE