#i understand that like. i am treated like a woman in many situations for most of my life

[possumnest]

getting treated like diet woman at my job again when im rocking the tguy tweenstache is cool <-(lying)

[official-megumin]

I hate to be the one to have to say this. But I guess as the one semi-prominent intersex trans woman on here. There aren't really anyone but me to say this.

but for the great majority of even intersex people, your agab still plays a huge role in how you're treated in society.

For probably upwards of 90% of intersex people, you will still be closer to male or female by a large margin.

And you will still be raised according to the gender you were assigned.

Yes some people do not fit that. I do not fit that.

But even me, whom most likely is what would be called a "true hermaphrodite" and to an extend struggle with fully seeing myself as a trans woman due to how many things I share from birth, with cis women.

Am still very much beholden to my agab, even if it is medically and physically inaccurate.

Your experience as an intersex person will vary greatly depending on what gender you were assigned. And in most cases where you don't neatly fit into a box at birth, you're forced to fit into it, with surgery.

And from then on, usually you will be treated mostly as normal. Besides often what amounts to ritualistic corrective rape.

This is of course very traumatic. I am very much not denying that. Neither am I here to argue that intersex people who have been forced through this, and are forced through this as we speak. Aren't traumatised enough to matter.

I am saying that for 90+% of intersex people, it isn't really reasonable to argue that an intersex person assigned female at birth will have the same experience as a trans woman.

Not even if you grow a beard/body hair or an enlarged clitoris.

If you do that, you are grossly simplifying what it is like to be a trans woman.

Even with intersex people in mind, actual situations where "afab trans woman" might make sense, is pretty damn rare.

They do happen, but in most cases that is still not understanding what trans womanhood is actually like. And it is STILL a byproduct of transmisogyny.

And the only reason this idea has gained any traction is because of this.

I rarely, if ever. See intersex transfems making these points.

Every time I have seen intersex transfems talking about this, it has been in frustration about how we are ignored in this conversation.

When talking about the intersection between transmisogyny and intersexism, you have to center intersex trans women.

That is very simple logic.

But we don't ever see that happening. And instead intersex transmisogynists use their intersexuality as a cudgel to deflect any criticism of their own biases.

That is how I ended up having wizardpotions turn on me like nothing, accusing me both of racism and being a creepy weirdo for the simple act of asking him why he suddenly stopped being my mutual and for claiming that TME/TMA are useful terms.

You cannot just claim that you believe that transmisogyny is a thing whilst constantly ignoring or shaming any trans woman for speaking up or explaining themselves.

[aphrodeiities]

𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔢𝔫𝔦𝔤𝔪𝔞 𝔞𝔯𝔠𝔥𝔢𝔱𝔶𝔭𝔢

[I AM FOLLOWING AYESHA K.FAINES RESEARCH OF FEMININE ARCHETYPES]

↳ the sexual feminine archetype of the mystic archetype.

♇ when your percentage of the lover percentage is 70% and over. and when your personal score matches with your percentage engima the most.

♇ the enigma is one of the sexual feminine archetypes that belong to the feminine archetype the mystic, whereas the other sexual feminine archetype is the goddess.

♇ people who belong to the enigma archetype are perceived as earthy and have this mesmerising and magnetic energy that can be depicted as positive.

♇ some of them could be seen as very aloof and can have a resting bitch face. they're spiritual people and positive enigmas have a hard time being narcissistic and cold.

♇ they're people who dont necessarily need fame or attention, [they just focus on what they create and people are attracted to], these women are more focused on their inner peace.

♇ they are people who feel like they need to connect to a higher source of power, its comforting for them to know that there is something bigger than them that they can be lenient on.

♇ since they're people who like peace so much, they could have this tendency of fleeing from situations when they recognise that trouble would be led to them in the end. they're women who are likely to have a sense of high value of themselves and to reach that, they like to ground their energy.

♇ when it comes to romance, they like to make their lover feel seen and heard. enigmas are HUGE lovers, and most of them express their love for them within their music. like when i was writing the enigma post, fka twig's song, pendulum kept on playing in my head.

♇ the lyric "dying to be yours" repeated in my head, sometimes, enigmas are the type of women to drop everything to be and please their significant other. the link to the song :)

♇ they can sometimes overlook their lover's very bad flaws, and can be the type of people to be into open-relationships.

♇ when it comes to non-romantic situations, or in general, they're people who keep a big part of themselves only to themselves, they don't like the idea of people knowing about them 100%.

♇ as it comes to people interacting with them, people might give them the burden of having to fix them.

♇ they can get into episodes where they have a lot of blockages when it comes to expressing their sensuality or creativity. enigmas are the type of people to live in their head than executing their ideas.

when it is not blocked you'll find them to be people with very artistic and original.

♇ though, enigmas come in many forms, even though they are people who can love very deeply, they're also very closed off women. watching interviews of them, most of them have reminded me of manic pixie girls.

♇ they're women who are very strong with their opinions, and since they're strong about their thoughts they can be very poetic. they're woman who can easily express their feelings so people can understand where they are coming from.

♇ when around the right people, they can come off as very chatty but they're the type to speak about everything but themselves.

♇ i have noted that many of them do know how to sing, i've implied that they're creative and enigmas are likely going to be those who take the musician route.

♇ are aware of how society and how poorly it treats people, so they try and help others, [and the earth]. they're people who always like to be prepared and can be considered as very cute. they have this earthy energy to them but still like to indulge in luxury, chiefly for their jewellery.

♇ they like to nurture things so they are the type to get plants or even pets. [and as a stretch could be open to having kids].

♇ when enigmas are really in love with someone or just take a liking too much for a person, they can become very agreeable people, they sometimes become a walking mat or you could say people-pleaser.

♇ after watching tons of interviews many of them do have a raspiness to their voice, could sometimes be because of weed. or just smoking in general.

♇ as it comes to their aesthetic, i have observed many of them like neutral colours and are into self-care. the type to have many skin products.

♇ scent/senses is very important for them and they tend to be very hygienic people.

♇ out of all the feminine archetypes, enigma archetypes are the ones who have the most diverse personalities, makes sense to the title of their archetype, not knowing who or what they specifically are.

♇ are women who are direct with what they want, especially when it does come to romance, confident enigmas know what they want and they get it. they could have many romances but not marry, plus, if they're famous they're likely tired with the attention they get.

♇ are sexually fluid people and love to express their sensuality within their art. many of them love memories and will always be grateful with what they have been taught in the past.

♇ moreover, when i was watching interviews of them, many of them had voices i did not expect them to have. if not careful can get pressured easily and hastily anxious. the type to want to make others feel included. they like to heal, very spiritual people, and as i have said that they remind me of manic pixies, the more i did my research on them, the more i realised they're very fairy-like.

♇ they're people who are interested in research and like to embrace their powerful feminine side. the type to indulge in witch-craft; some enigmas can be very insecure about their face, can be interested in cosmetic surgery, [even though all of them are gorgeous]. + also noticed many of them have very curvy bodies.

♇ can appear as two-faced or fake because they want to set a certain reputation of themselves. don't like drama or would walk away from the mess they made. they do like to be left alone and due to this people might consider them as boring, but they just have a wall in front of their real personality.

♇ as they are people who like to ground themselves, they are people who are long to temper, or try not to be easily tempered.

fashion wise, they are people who know their colours really well. are likely going to wear gold jewellery.

♇ and can sometimes come off as very bimbo-like because of their lack of care for things. they are people who are very open about their past, and majority of the time, young enigmas were forced into the spotlight. [asia monet ray + kourtney kardashian].

♇ they are great entertainers and can be favoured in what they do. what makes them more likeable is their sunny appearance. some of them display themselves as delicate. on the other hand, people might find them to be weird.

♇ sometimes enigmas can come off as childlike and a lot of them have chubby-cheeks.

other enigmas ↴

♇ enigmas i put above are fka twigs, krotchy, frida kahlo, greta garbo, kourtney kardashian and nicole kidman.

♇ understanding the enigma archetype, is that it shows that they are women who are usually deeply underestimated when it comes to their intelligence, spiritual women who are on a hermit path of understanding themselves and others.

♇ and to make the enigma archetype easier to comprehend i gathered characters from different tv shows or films that come under the archetype.

⟶ harry potter franchise - luna lovegood, embodies the shy and kept to themselves side of the enigmas, [as i said they are a very fluid and diverse archetype], as enigmas, luna is perceived to be someone who is strange but doesnt allow it to make her feel insecure. she helps other people and is kind, embraces her quirkiness.

⟶ from american horror story [coven] - misty day, the stereotypical spiritual enigma who cares for nature and the earth. has a special connection with animals and with life itself, very caring and eccentric, and as a healthy enigma, she doesnt allow people's views of her to bring her down.

⟶ avatar the way of water - kiri, when i was thinking of fictional characters who are the enigma, kiri was the first character that appeared in my head. she is connected with the earth, creative and connects herself to a higher source of power, [even though she is already connected to eywa from what i believe]. is connected to life and death.

⟶ from friends - phoebe buffay, embodies the childlike nature of the enigma, the nature where people perceive them to be "ditzy". when she is around the people she likes, she can come off as very chatty.

⟶ naruto franchise - hinata hyuga/uzumaki, embodies the shy nature of the enigma. the enigma that loves with their all, can have creative blockages and people underestimate who she is and her power. hinata is aware of how the world poorly treats people as she did belong to clan that didnt really care for their people. [ex. neji]. sometimes expresses the mysterious side an enigma can be.

⟶ from the original franchise - freya mikaelson, is the witch of her family and is very connected to nature, chiefly because of the time she was born. she is someone who likes to ground herself and is one of the siblings who thinks things out the most, will do anything for the sake of love and family. strong opinions and holds a strong bond of life and death, like misty day.

⟶ the last of us - dina woodward, likes to be connected to a higher source, shows when she gives ellie the evil eye bracelet, embodies the expressive side of the enigma and is likely open to "open-relationships" chiefly due to her bond with jesse and ellie. she is direct with what she wants, does like her peace.

⟶ from the haunting of hill house - nell crain, some people overlook her connection to a higher source of power; to see how you are going to die since you were young is pretty psychic. had spiritual phases and like many enigma characters is very connected with death, had tried to ground herself but wasnt able, especially becuase of her therapist. does keep a big part of herself but she normally did that because she didnt want to burden her siblings.

⟶ winx club - flora, represents the kind, nature-loving and mysterious side of the enigma, especially with the vibrant colours she wears, it might not really appear that there's this secrecy and mystery to flora's character but ever since i've watched the show when i was young, i've always noted an essence of puzzle and unsolved problem when it comes to her. like she's there but not at the same time.

⟶ from euphoria - cassie howard, you might wonder how cassie belongs to the enigma archetype and the girl embodies everything that an underdeveloped enigma is. is willing to drop everything for her lover, look past the red-flags and become what their lovers wants them to be. cassie is a big lover girl, and likes to make her lovers feel seen and heard, especially for what she did to nate, telling him she can be whatever he wants her to be.

♇ as i have done my research, i gathered that a lot of enigmas are are likely going to have capricorn, leo and pisces in their big three; in order of how much they appeared.

♇ they are also going to have leo, capricorn and taurus appear in their dominant signs; in order of how much they appeared.

♇ the planets jupiter, sun and pluto appeared in their dominant planets the most; in order of how much they appeared.

♇ the element that appeared the most was earth, second was fire and third was water.

♇ lastly, when it comes to the modality, what appeared the most was fixed and the second modality was mutable.

♇ feminine archetype masterlist

to find out what feminine archetype and sexual feminine archetype you are

buy a natal chart reading from me

masterlist

♇ pluto

[immediatebreakfast]

It's incredible how this is the first time we meet Mrs. Westenra, and the first thing we see the woman do is confide to Mina how she is going to to die. There is no dancing around the issue, no maybe, just a firm "Yes I am going to die" which is said to someone who is not her daughter.

Someone who already has the stress of caring for the two most important people in her life, Jonathan who she dreads to be probably dead, and Lucy whose sleepwalking is worsening her state, like an illness. Even if the text itself, and Mina don't write it out loud, it's a situation that anyone would find utterly stressful no matter how they look at it. It's worse for Mina since she is a very hands on active character.

So why does Mrs. Westerna thinks is appropiate to tell this to Mina (her daughter's childhood friend), and not Lucy who is her actual daughter? Well the difference seem to be both infatilization, and wrongfully assigned maturity. Lucy gets treated like a child, while Mina gets treated like an adult woman despite being two or three years apart in age.

Poor dear, sweet lady! She confided to me that she has got her death-warrant. She has not told Lucy, and made me promise secrecy

In the eyes of Mrs. Westerna Mina is mature enough to not only guard this secret from Lucy, but also to understand on top of being mentally fine with the implications that this could bring for Lucy. Also, in Mrs. Westerna's eyes Lucy is still a child; she doesn't see a young lady who is taking in the huge responsability of marriage, but a child that is going to have someone else to protect her when she is gone.

Both Mina, and Lucy needed to know at some point that Mrs. Westenra was going to die, but out of the two of them Lucy deserves to know this tragic fact about her mother first. Even if these news make her sleepwalking worse, she still has to know.

I even dare to say that the socio economical difference between Mina, and Lucy make it easier for Mrs. Westenra to choose who to tell. One girl is an orphan working class girl who was forced by her surrounding circumstances to adapt quickly to many living responsabilities, the other girl is a daughter of a noble family with a chronic condition who has adapted her entire personality to please people that surround her social status out of necessity.

[stale-trash]

Hi, of that's, can I please have yandere Jade x reader who tries to break up with her? (Headcanon). How would Jade react and what would she do in this situation?

I am assuming you mean Jade from Honkai Star Rail. If not, I'm sorry!!

cw: yandere/possessive behavior, very questionable behavior, implied violence, possible ooc

A/N: I have yet to play any of the quests she's in (╥﹏╥). I hope I did her justice!!

Bold of you to even assume you have the option to break-up with her. No matter how you end up in a relationship with her - willing or unwilling - your fate is sealed. 

Jade knows every aspect of her desires, from their depth to their origins. When she sets her mind to something, precious little can get in her way.

How she acquired you determines how she reacts to your ill-advised statement. If you are in a contract with her, she would take some time to remind you of your position - how truly nice you have it.  

It'd start small, like having you organize paperwork in the pawnshop where you'd get a first hand look at Lady Bonajade's dealings. Many desires are laid bare in front of you; some are honorable, others deplorable, and both are equally pondered upon by the lavishly clad woman. It’s hard to understand the logic behind most of the dealings, yet you remembered the time you occupied their positions - the way your desires slipped past your lips to be scrutinized by Lady Bonajade. 

You also get to see what happens to those who step out of line - more specifically, the bureaucratic aftermath. The written records of their punishment, outstanding debt, and next steps are so clinical regardless of the situation. It doesn't matter if they were fighting for their life or attempting to pull a fast one - there was no leeway. 

There was no reason for Jade to drape you in expensive fabric and opulent jewels. There was no reason for Jade to have you by her side doing menial tasks. There was no reason for Jade to suffocate you in her cold embrace and colder favor.

There was no reason for Jade to treat you like a lover. All the contract specified in its convoluted wording was that you're hers to use as she sees fit. 

If you somehow aren't apologizing for your behavior and willingly accepting whatever humiliating punishment she has in mind within a week, Lady Bonajade has no problem pushing you further. 

You'd lose all of her "favor" slowly until you're nothing but another IPC grunt. You won't be in any threat of dying, but there are many things worse than death prowling the cosmos. Don't worry, it won't be anything Jade can't fix given the appropriate price. 

All you need to do is apologize, and beg for her favor once again. Of course, a benevolent woman such as her would be more than willing to reevaluate your contract - though, it is in your interest to note that this is a one-time offer. If you were to repeat this mistake again, the punishment wouldn’t be so light. 

If you aren't in a contract with her, that would change. This relationship wouldn’t just end because you will it. But she'll let you slip from her embrace for now.

Jade is not above dismantling every aspect of your life piece by piece until you come crawling back. You can choose how much is destroyed - your social life, finances, career prospects, or even the lives of your close ones - by walking back into that pawnshop of hers.

She doesn't ask for what you seek nor what you desire - those are irrelevant in the face of her own. No, she asks if you've come back to your senses, a pet name rolling off her lips oh-so-naturally as if she hadn't constructed your downfall.

A contract is placed in front of you, the written words melting together into an indecipherable mess. Her signature was the only legible word in the entire document, with a blank spot ready for your own. 

You may gain everything you've naively wished for many years ago with a few strokes of ink - insurmountable wealth, a lavish lifestyle, and a lack of mundane worries - but gilded chains are still chains.

[emmie-writes-stuff]

So the new chapter is out and GOOD GOD do I have some thoughts and a lot of them don’t make a whole lot of sense but I can’t not talk about this chapter

Firstly, Kaiser looks adorable (never thought I’d say that about him outside of my head but here I am)

Secondly, holy hell my heart hurts

He didn’t deserve this, no child deserves this

The fact that he had to “go to work” and just steal

HE HAS NO SHOES his little feet have got to hurt, or they’ve completely calloused up from not wearing shoes, but even then (speaking from experience) it still hurts to walk on hot ground and rocks and other stuff on the street

Yknow, I understood him hating milk before (because milk is disgusting) but now I get it even more

What a stupid reason to get upset, imma kick this waste of space excuse for a father in the fucking face AND balls because ITS FUCKING MILK

Eat some damn fiber or somethin if you got constipation issues

Who let this absolute scum of the earth reproduce???

HES LITERALTL TWELVE YEARS OLD

All the other shit went down before he was even double digits

But dangerous situations create smart kids, and Kaiser was very smart to start saving his own money

I used to have my own stash in case I ever had to run away (long story, we’re not getting into my family issues in this post, but yeah)

At least he has shoes now, protect those feet plz, they’re what keep you upright and moving

Soooooooo are we gonna acknowledge that he treats the soccer ball the same way he’s currently treating Ness orrrrrrrr

But like, it’s nice that he has an outlet to channel his anger into that isn’t a person (at least for now smh)

It’s really interesting seeing how each of the characters came to play soccer

(Side note: but he throws the ball at a picture of a woman, could he maybe be imagining this woman as his mother?)

His mother also deserves a kick to the face if I have anything to say bout it

I have no words for this

Just, can I steal him? Please? I’ll give him a good life

Fuck the snitches, how dare they

Also, you can clearly see his ribs defined, and that hurts me

I love that he was willing to let go of everything

He was ready to start fresh with getting money, was cooperating with the police, until the soccer ball was threatened

Because that is his most valuable possession

The money doesn’t matter, but the ball is a symbol to him of something that won’t leave him or hurt him

It’s a very small sense of independence and stability in this very unstable and controlling environment

The ball is heavily implied to be the first thing he ever bought for himself, it’s what defined a key part in his life

Taking that away is like taking away his soul, his outlet, and comfort, and Kaiser just couldn’t stand for it

There’s so many more things I’m thinkin and I have way too many incoherent thoughts for tumblr, but these are the ones I was able to clear up and make sense of

This chapter hit very deep and while my past doesn’t involve much physical abuse and struggles to this level, it was hard not to empathize and relate my own experiences with abuse with the ones in this chapter

I don’t wanna get into shit, it’s not somethin I exactly wanna put out in the public, but there’s so much here that I could understand and relate to and it just made everything so much more difficult to read (in a good way I guess)

Just, GOD, why did I have to become a fan before this chapter came out???

Okay, that’s my ramble for this, bye before I start going on even more tangents

[hatterladz]

“Yes, dear,” Fanny said. A damsel in distress. A cussing damsel in distress. She didn’t need saving. She’d chosen this. Had Cup done the same? No, he was a child. It had to have been different. Was he waiting to be saved? Why couldn’t he save himself? Fanny spotted her reflection in the hallway mirror. Why couldn’t he save himself?

-Chapter 348: Rabbit Reflections

No Text and Rambles below

"Why couldn't he save himself?" / "Why can't I save myself?"

I jumped through so many hurdles to try to get this finished. From making an entire wallpaper pattern that I'd only fade and edit to my desires to having an entirely different drawing as a reference picture so I could figure out how to draw her all the way to looking up dozens of references in the 1920s. I was determined to finish this.

I would've used text but procreate doesn't have that? Not that I've found. So my handwriting it is. Hopefully it's legible, if not that's the quotes underneath that last picture. I went with color instead of grayscale bc I missed my colors... How am I supposed to thrive without my wacky colors?

Now to talk about Fanny, so headsup some mentions of domestic violence this does get a bit more serious.

This version of Fanny is my favorite character when it comes to depictions of abusive relationships hands down. I've been in a similar situation in my life before so to grow up, get older and understand these subjects and to see how well it's depicted and carefully it's treated has me jumping off the walls.

This moment specifically hit hard for me. The implied "why can't I save myself?" as she looks in the mirror, was painfully relatable. I don't think most understand how genuinely difficult it is to leave an abusive partner [especially as a woman in the 1920s!!! I hope Fanny gets out okay!] and how much more you'd have to sacrifice to get out of that situation

No matter how much support you have it will ALWAYS be hard. I especially love how Cup's relationship with Fanny has shifted from romantic to Cup genuinely trying to support her and how Vicious coached him. Because yes that's the correct thing to do. Which is to be there for them.

No matter how much you want them to leave them or for their s/o to drop dead or how frustrating they are about staying, the most important thing is to support them.

I hope I did this scene the justice I was thinking of giving it when I read this. I do love Fanny and hope to see her in a healthier situation and picking up better habits. Which might be the direction she's going with recent events, so that's exciting!

Anyway I've rambled enough lol hope you guys like this it felt like forever to finish it

[poppadom0912]

Money, Money, Money

Characters: Connor Rhodes x Reader, Maggie, Will

Warnings: Canon-typical injuries, overbearing/toxic parents, lots of violence, pregnancy.

Summary: Having money doesn't entitle you to anything. Why don't your parents understand that?

A/N: Haven't written for Connor in a lonnnggg time so here I am. I have mixed feelings about this but enjoyyyy. Posting this today in commemoration of my twin cousins turning one.

*****

Today was just so jam-packed in the ED that it was ridiculous.

One minute, your treating a woman whose half conscious from a car accident and the next your being handed a John Doe who is better off dead than hooked to a bunch of expensive machines.

You were always on your feet, not even having a second to yourself to sit down on a chair at the nurses station. It also really didn't help that Med had been handed a fresh new bunch of students who were all around the place, not knowing what they were doing.

Ripping off your gloves you deeply exhaled, closing your eyes as you stood in the middle of the ED. Everything around you was still a mess but all you needed was two minutes to collect yourself before-

"Doctor Rhodes, Doctor Y/L/N, you're on!" Maggie shouted from across the emergency room, sending you her most apologetic smile while she shrugged, having no control over what happened which you knew and definitely didn't blame her for.

Hastily grabbing what felt like your millionth pair of latex gloves, you assisted the paramedics and Connor wheeling the stretcher into a treatment bay, transferring on his count.

Everything was as it usually was, working together to stabilise the patient who was only half alert. From a mile away, you could smell the stench of alcohol, letting everyone know of what led the man to his current situation. Rolling your eyes, you stepped away from the gurney, allowing a few nurses and orderlies wheel the now unconscious man for an mri.

Aggressively, you ripped of your gloves, chucking it into the bin, Connor following suit, chuckling at your sour face. The only good thing you had going for you right now was having a five minute lie in with your fiance early this morning. Five minutes wasn't long at all but it was all you and peanut needed to fuel you for the long 24-hour shift ahead of you.

Right, you still had another 18 hours left till you could go home. Just flipping perfect.

You felt like collapsing, your body exhausted but the sickly people of Chicago relied on you. With a quick departing kiss on the forehead, squeezing your hand several times, you watched with warmness in your chest as your very attractive man ran off in those very nice black scrubs.

*****

It was an honest to god miracle that everything slowed down. You finally got to sit down, even managing to have a quick snack before checking in on patients. There was also the regular conversation over your baby, all the doctors and nurses betting on the gender while your closest friends pretended they weren't up for potential godparents.

You decided to do a quick round, going around to see if your patients were up and moving, if not then you'd offer your service somewhere it was needed.

At some point during the day, you lost track of how many people came in meaning you forgot who had what and who they were. With a tablet in hand, you scrolled through the man's chart, humming to yourself as you familiarised yourself with both his medical history and his current state, remembering what happened when you saw his blood alcohol levels.

What you failed to notice, too busy reading, was the man who you now know was called Nick was slowly coming to. Not a peep came out of him, blinking as he looked around the room, you being the last thing he noticed.

It all happened so fast from what you could recollect. All of a sudden, he sat up, not even groaning in pain from the several injuries he sustained while drunk and high.

"Nick, I'm a doctor, your in a hospital. No one's going to hurt you." You tried assuring him, jumping back when he lurched forward, forcing himself to stand, his unstable legs holding all of his weight. "You hurt yourself okay? You mind getting back into the bed?"

Despite your gentle and understanding tone, your bedside manner being top notch, Nick didn't even consider listening to you. You could almost see the flaming red flash across his eyes but before you could do anything, he came towards you.

With such a fury, his hand gripped your neck tightly, pushing you against the medicine cupboard that only this room had. Repeatedly, he pushed you into the glass door which shattered upon impact.

Gasping, you tried kicking your feet out but unfortunately for you, your short stature was not helping you were held inches above the ground. Scratching at his hand, your nails digging into his skin, he wouldn't let go.

You were incoherent, not even managing to shout or scream from the extreme pressure against your throat. Inhaling through your nose, you screwed your eyes shut when you saw a blurry fist flying towards you.

Everything was happening so fast but all of a sudden, you could breathe, air entering your lungs like a tsunami but before you could recollect yourself, not even letting your brain register that you were dropped to the floor, you were once again picked up and smashed against the sliding glass doors.

The glass broke on impact, shattering into small shards almost like crystals. Your cries were broken, the punches rolling one after the other.

*****

After having a quick surgery consult, assuring a patient that this surgery would happen, Connor was content. It was finally his lunch and he wasn't needed anywhere which meant that he could see his beautiful fiancée. Hopefully, you could spare a few minutes and he could check up on you and his baby.

The ED was much more quiet, almost too quiet in comparison to the chaos it was drowning in over an hour ago. Whistling, he leaned his arms against the nurses desk, giving Maggie his most dashing smile that all the girls of Chicago swooned over.

"Your fiancée is in six, give her five minutes." She said without taking her eyes off her brick, knowing exactly what the surgeon wanted without him even having to ask.

Before Connor could thank the charge nurse, he was interrupted by the deafening sound of glass shattering, his head whipping around to the source of the sound.

It was when it flashed in his mind that the room with the now shattered door was treatment six that Connor ran towards the mess.

Will and Ethan also came running forward, the two of them pulling Nick away from you while Connor shielded you as best as he could from any further harm.

"Y/N? Honey, you with me?" Connor asked, taking note of your fluttering eyelids and your cracking groan. He held you in his arms, feeling around the back of your head, his fingers coated in your blood.

Lifting you onto a gurney without any help, you were wheeled into a separate treatment room, Connor not once leaving your side and no one tried to pry him away knowing that it would only further anger him.

"Connor?" You tried calling out, struggling to keep your eyes open. "The baby..."

"Is fine, wasn't hurt at all." Connor sighed in relief, handing back the ultrasound wand to a nurse once he was happy with the sight of your baby who was alive and kicking.

Will nodded at Connor, letting him know everything that he needed. Picking up the railing on the side of the gurney, Connor wasn't leaving your side, wheeling wheel you up for an mri.

"You're going to be just fine."

*****

Coming to was more painful than you wanted it to be but because of the growing life inside your womb, you could only take so much medication which you knew and understood but you couldn't help curse out whoever was up there watching everything.

"The baby?" Was the first thing that came out. Your voice was hoarse, your throat aching as it strained from each syllable.

"Is alive and kicking." Connor nodded with a tight-lipped smile, helping you drink some water. "The lack of oxygen only hurt you, not peanut."

"Good, that's good." You closed your eyes, nodding in relief that no harm came to your baby because you wouldn't be able to live with yourself if they were hurt.

"You scared me." Connor whispered, enveloping your hand in both of his, not bothered by how cold you felt. "Don't ever do that again."

"I can't make any promises." You replied with remorse, wanting nothing more than to promise him but medicine was unpredictable, especially when mixed with drugs and alcohol. "I'll try my best though."

"And that's all I ask for." Connor smiled, pressing several kisses on your knuckles.

"Uh, you've got a few visitors anxiously waiting for you outside, what do you want me to do with them?" Your fiance asked, chuckling as he remembered the gaggle of doctors waiting outside in anticipation. They were all pretending to work but found themselves staring at the treatment room you were in.

But before you could answer with a yes, wanting nothing more than to see your friends, you cut off by the loud shout coming from outside the room, at the entrance of the ED. Unfortunately for you, you knew exactly who that voice belonged to.

"Where is my daughter?!" The voice near screamed, oozing with so much urgency that it made you feel sick. It was all so fake that even a stranger could see it.

You could only hear just how much of a commotion was being created outside your room, you and Connor shared a knowing glance, both of your mirroring the others annoyance.

Maggie's desperate attempts of steering the newcomers away from your room was useless. The doors and curtains were pulled opened and you were met with the apologetic faces of your friends and the furious faces of your parents.

"Oh my God, what happened to your face?!" Your mother said in alarm, rushing to your bedside as fast as she could in heels, her slim fingers gripping your chin to inspect all the visible damage to your face.

"Ow! Ma, that hurts!" You winced, pushing her hands away from your face, not wanting her to touch you anymore. "I'm fine, thanks for asking."

Your mother huffed, her dull eyes looking over at Connor, rolling her eyes at him before looking back over at you. "Where's your supervisor? You getting hurt isn't enough for your boss to come check on you?"

Before anyone could retort back, more than prepared to defend your boss, you were all stopped by a new presence that wasn't there before standing in the door.

"I'm glad that you could make it Mr and Mrs Y/L/N. I was worried you wouldn't make it taking into account your busy schedules." Ms Goodwin said, the sass dripping off her words, her smile welcoming but also smug. "If you could come with me to my office and we could talk specifics if you'd like?"

"I'd be perfect to do it right here actually." Your mother said, puffing out her chest with confidence she always had surrounding her. "You'll find our lawyers at your doorstep tomorrow morning with a lawsuit."

"What?!" You exclaimed, sitting up straight, ignoring your bruised and battered body screaming for you to stop moving. Despite all the pain, you were ready to throttle your parents.

As gently as he could, Connor pushed you back down without further causing your any pain. Ignoring your rolling eyes and your pout, he was relentless and succeeded in his doings. After doing so, he stood and glared at your parents.

"You mind if we talk outside, just the four of us?" Connor asked but it wasn't so much a question than it was a demand. Without waiting for a reply, your fiance held the door open for your parents and Ms Goodwin, sending the couple a tight lipped smile when they passed him.

“You have no right to be here.” Connor got straight to the point, not wanting to mess around when it came to you. Your parents were spoiled and entitled, thinking they could do whatever they wanted to whoever just because they had more money.

You’d long distanced yourself from them, no longer wasting your time wanting their approval and constant validation for every little thing you did. After years, you were free of their shackles but they always found a way to crawl back in.

This was one way they planned to become part of your life again.

“You will walk out of here, you will get rid of the press that I’m sure is waiting outside and you’re never going to show your faces here again because if you do, I’m not going to be as cordial.” Connor warned your parents, towering over your mother even with the heels she wore.

Your mother tutted, slowly shaking her head in disappointment. She was fully aware of the audience they had, all consisting of your true family and you boss standing to the side but some Rhodes man wasn’t going to get in the way of her achieving her goal.

“You are in no position to tell me what I can and can’t do. That’s my daughter, I gave birth to her.” Your mother fought back, not afraid to get into Connors face.

“Mrs Y/L/N, step away from my doctor.” Ms Goodwin said with authority, gently pushing Connor back. “Your not welcome in my hospital if your going to treat my doctors which such disrespect.”

Your mother scoffed, shaking her head in disbelief about they way she was being treated with such hostility. Something was clearly wrong here with how people took orders and did what they pleased.

“Now if you please leave, it’d be greatly appreciated.” Miss Goodwin said with finality, a smug smile on her lips when she realised she was getting her way.

Huffing, your mother burned holes into Connor, openly glaring at him, not hiding that she hated him. Scanning the room, her glare remained strong as her eyes landed on each doctor and nurse.

Giving Connor one last look from over her shoulder, you mother stormed out the ED, your father trailing behind her like the lost puppy he practically was at this point.

Everyone could breath easier, the air feeling lighter and less contaminated the second your parents left the ED. It was the biggest relief.

“Doctor Rhodes, please get back to your fiancée.” Miss Goodwin turned to the surgeon, giving him a very simple order that he wouldn’t object to.

Connor silently thanked his boss, smiling at her before coming back into your treatment room where you still sat, patiently waiting for your fiancé to come back.

“Do I even want to know what happened?” You asked, a small smile resting in your lips as you urged Connor to come forward and give you a hug.

“You’ve got nothing to worry about baby. Everything’s been dealt with.”

[grace-williams-xo]

I have but three things to say to the anti Penelope crowd. (Neither of which directly defend many of her worst offences as Whistledown).

ONE: Some people have pointed this out but I think it’s really important we remember that she is 17 s1, 18 s2 and 19 s3. She is high school age. Girl did not have a fully developed brain by any stretch. Is that an excuse and free license to be a dick? No, of course not, but I think y’all should remember some of the stupid and regrettable things you did in high school. Now again, think of the way society operated at the time and then imagine, just for a moment, what if teenage you had an anonymous and unfiltered Twitter/Insta account that was keenly followed by everyone in your town/city/community—most people you’ll interact with in your life. You would do DUMB SHIT. It’s not just ‘she’s young’ it’s ’she’s young with an unrestricted megaphone to everyone she’s ever met’.

TWO: The Whistledown moment that sticks with me, as perfectly capturing who Whistledown is and what she does, is not anything read by Julie Andrews but what Eloise talks about in the very first episode. She talks about how LW is discussing a countess who, despite looking like her season last year was good, lives in depressing solitude miles away from the earl she married. This stays with me for a few reasons. First, it shows that—right from the start—she has access and information and connections that we do not and will not understand. How does a 17 year old know the living situation of a married woman in the countryside? Maybe she overhead servants gossiping, we really have no idea. Second, it shows her equality in reporting. Like any news outlet, she reports what people want to read, but this passage sets up a precedent and example that she doesn’t just report on people from her block in Mayfair. I always watch shows and movies with the knowledge that what I’m seeing is never the characters entire day or life. Similarly, we never hear an entire LW issue—only what is plot relevant to the Bridgerton’s and that episode. I think this was shown well again in the opening of s3 when she comments on several of the other debutants.

THREE: On Marina. It is not Penelope’s fault that Marina attempted an abortion and nearly died. We are not responsible for other people’s reactions. At no point did she wish or encourage harm on Marina, she just wanted to stop a loveless marriage. I hear you saying it’s not her responsibility to stop it, but teenage girls have big emotions that they deal with badly—and many have an overwhelming and misguided sense of justice. Marina was in a fucking awful situation but Penelope did not cause it, and it was at several points exacerbated by Portia the actual adult. I’ve just started a rewatch of s1 and my anger at Portia (and Varley bc wtf there are some really unnecessary comments) about the way she treats Marina from the day she arrives is raging. Portia was bullying Marina at every opportunity because she was jealous Marina was more desirable than her own daughters.

I am very aware that intent does not diminish impact, you can hurt people accidentally, but I do firmly believe that Penelope a literal child and did not act out of malice.

All that being said, I don’t think the relaxed and forgiving reaction at the end of s3 from the queen and the ton was in character or proportionate at all but also we didn’t really get to see much of their reactions so will be interesting to see how s4 plays out.

TLDR; Penelope was a literal child in s1, and nothing can ever convince me that she didn’t write about lots of other people in the ton beside the Bridgerton’s. That’s just not relevant to a show called Bridgerton. Most of Marina’s problems are on Portia, not Penelope.

[deadpresidents]

If I recall correctly, weren’t you a pretty big fan of Bill Clinton for some time? I recall a lot of posts from you about him that were fairly favorable. When did you finally accept that he was a creep? Do you think there’s finally a chance of accountability? I am truly asking from a place of empathy as I know what it’s like to have someone you looked up turn out to be not so great.

No, you're 100% correct. I was a fan of Bill Clinton for a long time. He was President from the time I was 13 until I was 21, and for a kid who was into Presidential history and Democratic politics, he was a major presence in my life. I still think that he is probably the most naturally-gifted politician of my lifetime. Nobody that I've watched has been able to explain public policy or instantly breeze through complicated press conference questions like Bill Clinton. For years after he left office, I said that he should just be the guy who explains how things work to America; he's remarkably smart.

One of the craziest examples of Clinton's intelligence is that he had to figure out ways to make it look like he doesn't have the answer to everything immediately. Clinton's political advisers thought he came across at times like a know-it-all and that it wasn't a good look on the campaign trail. You know how one of the famous mannerisms of Clinton is how he'll pause while he's speaking and bite his lip, like this?

Well, that was done on purpose. Clinton's advisers thought that his quick, completely formed answers to complicated questions was unnatural and that he needed to make himself seem more thoughtful, so he'd pause and bite his lip almost as an intellectual speed bump. Paul Begala, one of the most important architects of Clinton's 1992 campaign explained:

"He was so smart about so many things but also could connect. The whole thing about his biting his lip -- that was coached. Because he would answer so fast. We'd say, 'Take a beat. Pretend you're thinking about it. Pretend you haven't already got an answer.' It was a studied thing to give himself a second to force himself to slow down."

So, things like that were why I was always so impressed and appreciative of Clinton's skills and political gifts.

But, obviously, as I've gotten older and come to understand his personal actions a lot better, it's really hard not to consider him a creep. I mean, the Epstein thing is obviously impossible to reconcile. Even if it there hasn't been any suggestion of Clinton actually abusing any of the girls in the way that Epstein did, he spent a lot of time around Epstein and it's gross. I think one of Epstein's victims said that Clinton was a "total gentleman" and didn't do anything wrong to her, but that photo of a very young girl giving him a neck message in what looks like an airport terminal is a really bad look. That was clearly after he left office, so that was post-Monica Lewinsky and Clinton should have had the awareness to not even put himself near that type of situation with a girl that young (or any woman who was not his wife) -- even if it was just a neck massage that lasted a short amount of time. Even if the girl offered to do it willingly and had no issues with it, that's not a situation that Clinton -- who was impeached and could have been removed from office because he had an affair with a young woman -- should have have felt comfortable with.

But beyond that, as I've gotten older and as we've all gotten better about recognizing these things, his relationship with Monica Lewinsky is what bothers me because of the position that he put Monica in. She was in her early 20s -- barely older than Clinton's own daughter at the time -- and he was President of the United States. Listen, I don't have any room to criticize someone for dating younger women (seriously), but it's the power dynamic and the manner in which he treated Monica when things started to get difficult for him. That poor girl was in such an unimaginably nightmarish place because of what Clinton did and how he -- the incumbent President of the United States -- spoke about her publicly and treated her privately. When you think about it in terms of a relationship, it's just a crazy situation. And the poise that Monica Lewinsky had then and now speaks volumes about the person she is and has become, so it just makes Clinton look that much more terrible in comparison.

It is disappointing because I was a fan of President Clinton for most of my life. And, like Richard Nixon, he was so gifted when it came to his intellectual powers and, in Clinton's case, his political skills, that his flaws and his actions were overlooked for too long. I don't know what kind of accountability there might be for Clinton now that he's been out of office for nearly 25 years and is a few years away from his 80th birthday. But I can say that I feel like I know who he is now and "creep" seems like a pretty fitting description.

[bornwholocker]

Yeah I’m making another character rant post sue me, but it’s actually crazy to me how many people I’ve seen just going full hater mode on toshiro?? Obviously you’re allowed to not like a character, but people are villainizing him so hard, it’s wild. Like as an autistic person who has had people pretend to be friends with them, yes that shit HURTS. And the way toshiro went about his relationship with laios(especially for so long) definitely wasn’t healthy, but also like. It’s so much deeper than that?? And I’m glad I’m starting to see more people talking about this lately because honestly, it’s right there guys.

First things first, I do want to remind people that being “polite” and not telling people you don’t like them, but subtly signaling it, is still the standard in most social situations! And it doesn’t make much sense to me and it sucks for a lot of people and causes miscommunication, but it’s not like toshiro’s some big bad evil guy for following unspoken social rules that most neurotypicals also follow. Also also, given that dungeon meshi’s setting is definitely not modern, the characters probably don’t know what autism is! They just know that Laios is weird about monsters and doesn’t do well socially. All the characters have problems, many of which are accentuated for us by how normalized a lot of things are in a modern world, and a lot of things not being acceptable/normal. Obviously these are still issues for the characters, and are addressed/resolved as such, but we need to put it in perspective just a little bit.

Toshiro lashed out because A) he had just gone through some CRAZY ASS SHIT, which I feel like no one brings up. He just learned that his party companions used illegal magic that pretty much everyone agrees is dangerous on the woman he loved (yeah the way he proposed to falin without any previous communication was weird but that’s a whole nother can of worms), and it ended horribly for her! and B) he was exhausted. He had just gone days with little to no food, very little sleep, and there’s Laios, well fed and rested and to toshiro, not at all treating the situation with the seriousness it deserved. And it just hit home with how much he and Laios had clashed, how Laios was so open and honest about every little thing, and oblivious to what toshiro thought was extremely obvious. Toshiro had been raised to be quiet, polite, respectful, etc. and as a result learned to bottled up his feelings, so when he saw Laios being able to say whatever was on his mind, he understandably envied that. Even though we know that it’s difficult to be on Laios’ end, toshiro saw it as a privilege. Not only that, but he had been trying to signal to Laios (not exactly effectively but) how he felt for YEARS. And his point never made it. Everyone talks about Laios being misunderstood, but what about toshiro? What about his years of trying to communicate in the way he knew, and not being understood? I think everyone knows exactly how frustrating it is to feel like we’re being SO obvious, only for it to still cause miscommunication. So why not extend that understanding to toshiro?

Aside from all this though, it’s still clear that he does care about Laios, even though he’s annoyed by him. He literally gives Laios a bell that, when rung, would ring a matching one and be a call for help. Another example- which albeit anime only’s probably won’t know, I only know because I saw the panel- is in the finale I think, toshiro defends Laios to the elves. He sticks up for him and places his trust in him, even after everything.

Neither side was really in the wrong, but people are bashing toshiro like crazy. Unfortunately we don’t have a lot of big scenes with him outside of that meeting in the dungeon, so most of our opinion is formed off of that one moment, but that moment tells a much bigger story than just, “toshiro bad and ableist, laios poor autistic puppy.” It’s been said countless times on this hell site and beyond, but I am BEGGING people to please have a little critical thinking as a treat. Like Ryoko Kui wrote this story and the characters so much more complex than good guy and bad guy. (Slight spoilers maybe) Not even the BBEGs are really all bad, when you get down to it. Everyone’s feelings and experiences are shown from their perspective and contextualized to the audience extremely well IMO, which is one of the reasons I love dungeon meshi so much. Anyway point is think deeper folks.

[keepmycandleburning]

And then the second thing I was going to post about last night was the idea of a writer 'punishing' their characters. You've seen it surely. Like the idea that Umbridge being attacked by centaurs was her punishment for being too girly (and furthermore that this is a statement from Rowling that unlikable women deserve to be raped and the reader is supposed to sympathize) (many examples this is common). This idea about HP is most typically about the author 'treating' women who don't properly conform to her standards a certain way: like Lavender Brown was attacked by Greyback as narrative punishment for being too feminine (This whole Twitter thread is a gold mine for unimaginable takes. I don't understand how SO many people believe that characters' actions are an expression of the writer's beliefs. It really makes me wonder if I am somehow wrong).

Can you 'punish' your fictional character? Is making something bad happen to an unlikable character punishing them? What if the POV character is glad the bad thing happened? What if the POV character is imperfect, or even straight up wrong? Can you treat a fictional character improperly? As with my post last night, the answer is technically yes, there can be problems with writing, but I just don't see it in these particular situations or in this type of fiction. For example some conservative Christian could write about a woman having premarital sex and then her life falls apart but then she saves herself by finding God and it's clearly meant to be a pretty straightforward message, and it lines up with the writer's irl beliefs, and they use to it to push their irl narrative, etc, and I'd say sure that character is being punished. Or conversely a writer can definitely punish an abusive character. So yeah you CAN punish a character. But how do you know when this is what's happening, and why do so many people apply this way more liberally than I do? What if someone were to think I was punishing one of my characters, and what if they thought it was for an immoral reason? What if I were to make a bad thing happen to one character, and someone thought I was saying 'I think this bad thing should happen to every real person who resembles this character'? Or on the other hand, must a writer punish their immoral characters?

This is extremely niche, but what about the criticisms of Rita Skeeter's appearance being masculine? Is this communicating that Rowling thinks masculine women are evil? If so, how do you know? Can you only queer-code 'good characters'? Surely not. So how would one avoid being interpreted that way? Making multiple varied characters w whatever trait definitely helps, but do you have to? How much do you have to proactively plan for people to misunderstand?

Does Harry having a certain thought mean that's Rowling's thought (Is Harry making fun of SPEW Rowling expressing her real belief? How do you know?)? Does Harry having a thought mean that's 'meant to be' the readers' thought? Are plot elements all Rowling's morals, and what she thinks is good and right? What about world-building elements, like how people will say that Rowling made all the women housewives (+ married young) because she's sexist? Why would an author simply designing their fictional world in a certain way mean they think it's good? Are they then obligated to have their narrative condemn the negative aspects of their world, or can the reader decide that for themselves upon observing it?

Overall I think most of these questions of mine come down to that 1. I think a story's narrative typically comes from its POV character, while other people seem to think a story's narrative comes from its writer's beliefs, and 2. that I think the reader can think for themselves and typically draw the intended conclusion, while other people criticize when the message isn't spelled out on the page (look at this lol. SURELY Azkaban was a commentary on the justice system. Why does the fact that Harry doesn't really sit there and ponder it that much mean the message can't come through clearly to the reader—surely it does!)

Feel free to actually answer these questions, not because I will follow any of the rules, I won't necessarily, but you know just to discuss the reasons why something is going to get interpreted in these ways

[whensomethingelsecries]

The only flaw in umineko's feminine cast is the lack of butches. The closest one we have is Kyrie and while I love her weird ass she barely counts as butch adjacent.

And while I love Jessica she's just a baby tomboy, maybe she'd have graduated to being butch had she gotten to grow up (or if we got to see more of her) but what we have seen from her her masculinity is very restrained, only shown in moments of rebellion rather than being her default state.

Honestly, even in hogurashi, where we had Mion, a tomboy with a massivd case of eldest daughter syndrome, a character I was very interested in that being explored seeing as I was a tomboy eldest daughter myself (tho I graduated into being a failson but eh, the tomboy childhood has many avenues), but as much as Shion is lovely she ended up taking screen time away from Mion (and im not a fan of reading side content, so if there is a side story that explores this topic I doubt I'd read it, I like it when stuff like this is part of the main story yknow)

What im trying to say is that I feel like the when they cry series underexplores female masculinity (i don't know if there is a propper term for it). A lot of the time I felt that the series treated women acting in a masculine manner as a matter of rebellion rather than what is most comfortable for them, or something they kept up to be taken more seriously by their peers.

That's why I say Kyrie is the closest to being butch, because her masculinity, as meager as it is, is not done as an attempt of rebellion (like Eva learning martial arts) because she has no intrest or respect for the system to rebel against it in such a manner, but rather its her default state.

She wears the pants in her marriage not in a fit to maintain control but because she's Kyrie and she wears the pants in in the marriage, and Rudolph would be a fool to challenge that. Her ability to control a situation is simply incidental to that.

Am I making any sense? Sorry if not.

feels relevant to disclaim all of this by saying i'm not butch myself and don't have a lot of knowledge about the culture & signifiers of masc women generally, particularly not in japan in the 80s or the mid-00s when umineko was written and released. i can really only speak on the characters' relationships to gender roles as written within the scope of umineko and the specific environment they're in. i'm not remotely an authority on this topic & i think there's a lot of interesting angles to discuss this from that would give people very different takeaways. so while this is My read, it's far from definitive and i'm probably wrong about at least some of it

ehhh i understand why kyrie feels instinctively more butch than many other characters - even in terms of appearance, she's the only one to have short hair, but i think her domineering role within the relationship reads less masc and more femme fatale lite to me personally - her desire to be in control of the relationship appear to stem from her intensely jealous tendencies and anxiety about "losing" rudolf again, and a lot of her maintenance of her relationship with rudolf is by consciously being a "good wife" and doing the "womanly" thing in any given situation. it's tongue in cheek that she even says it so openly, but within the relationship it seems like even when she is being the more dominant partner, she's doing so by performing a very "perfect" socially acceptable femininity. and as far as we see, she doesn't seem to have any distaste or disinclination for it

not to say there's nothing there, especially if you were looking to do a deliberately butch reading of kyrie, but aside from being a bit "too smart for a woman" by this family's standards, i don't necessarily think her natural tendencies are especially traditionally masculine

in umineko specifically, you could argue that it would be hard to write a masc woman at all without it coming across like an act of rebellion, since the ushiromiyas are extremely rigid in their ideas about gender. jessica in particular seems very torn between her natural personality and manner of speech being seen as overly casual and masculine - it's a boon in the sense that it seems to make her a lot of friends, and she's said to have a pretty big mixed-gender social circle, but she also has a lot of insecurity over it making her romantically undesirable. the few times we do see jessica get upset about her appearance and way of speaking, it's specifically because she's fretting about them being the reason no one sees her as a viable partner. the way she dresses and presents herself aren't really masculine, but it appears that in terms of personality and social roles, she does come across that way to a lot of people

because jessica is a little underexplored compared to some other characters in general, and because she is currently living in such a controlled environment, i think it's hard to get a read on exactly where she would land in terms of gender presentation if she were free to do whatever she wanted. i think even jessica's not really sure herself? which is interesting. i think there'd be a path for jessica to end up more masc than she is as we see her during umineko, if not for the prison that is the ushiromiya name. and you know getting blown up in 1986

some of this does come from the fact that jessica reminds me a little bit of a butch friend of mine who is currently living in an environment where they can't safely express that - the conflict between the gender performance expected of them and the way they're actually most comfortable talking and looking is something i see in jessica. but i recognize that that's me taking personal experience to the text and it doesn't really change the fact that jessica as presented, esp in terms of design, also isn't gonna read butch or masc to a lot of people

i can't really speak as much to higurashi just because i'm still less than halfway through it, but i do generally agree with what you're saying from what i've seen so far. the way mion talks sometimes it's honestly hard not to read as straight up transmasc - the "this old man" thing, the number of times keiichi says "if mion was a guy, she would [thing mion already does]" it's honestly kinda crazy how overt it feels at times lmao

but then yeah, there ends up being a bit of split screentime between the sonozakis - probably even more than i'm completely aware of, given how many "mion" scenes seem to me like they're probably actually shion lol. i wouldn't be shocked to learn that i've already seen the bulk of mion's characterization surrounding gender, though i'd love to end up being wrong there

all this to say: in general yeah i think it's something wtc could stand to have gone a little more deeply into than it did, but we at least do have a few compelling characters to speculate about in that regard. i'm vaguely aware that ciconia's got some gender in it so it's possible there's something there, but i've yet to read it so i obviously can't speak to that

[pineapplerightsideupcake]

I’ve been struggling how to word this, and I’m sure it sounds terrible, but I don’t have much sympathy for de trans ppl. I’m not saying they deserve it or that I’m happy some suffered, especially if they’re young but it’s really difficult to hold sympathy and concern when most trans ppl are very obnoxious and delusional. Let me explain: I have a lot of trans friends that it’s very difficult to get them to listen and they’re very stuck in their mindset. I know a guy who looks like a man, calls himself nonbinary and has said he uses the woman bathroom. He takes estrogen and use to have a big beard. I asked him why he wasn’t shaving before and he said his beard doesn’t cause him dysphoria….it seems like a lot of trans ppl are very narcissistic and don’t listen anyway. It’s like when you’re trying to help someone and they keep rejecting you and falling deeper. I am worried one of my friends will definitely de transition in the future, and by then well, it’s gonna be too late, the testosterone has done its damage and she will suffer. I read the de trans subreddit, and I do feel sorry for some and most talk about isolating themselves from family and friends. sorry this is getting long. I feel bad about it, and I’m trying to hard to emphasize but many trans ppl make it difficult. It feels like a massive “I told you so” situation. Please give me advice on how to develop a kinder understanding so I can stop feeling guilty…..

So I wanted to take my time to answer this one because I think this taps into an especially heinous thing the modern left + social media has done to people and it’s the belief that a good person has endless empathy for everyone always and has special empathy for marginalized people.

But here’s the truth. You literally aren’t built for it. At the most basic psychological level you are not designed to have deep empathy for strangers. Your brain has a hierarchy of how much you care about others and a healthy mind prioritizes the people closest to you. More importantly, love and empathy are finite. You actually do have a limit on how many people you can truly care about. That’s not my opinion it’s proven science. We have a literal number (I think it’s about 80).

So it’s a beautiful thing when we care about people outside of our circle. It’s even more beautiful when we care about people far away that aren’t like us. But it’s beautiful precisely because it isn’t natural. It’s a conscious effort to care enough about earthquake victims on the other side of the planet to donate and raise awareness.

My point being that it’s okay that you don’t overflow with love for a group that is hostile towards you AND is full of narcissistic trenders. You can have sympathy for the people that regret surgery without absolving them. And maybe I intuitively understood this because I had to love so many addicts growing up. But empathy doesn’t mean never holding people accountable. It breaks my heart that my aunt has emphysema but she brought that fate on herself, one cigarette at a time. You can have sympathy for people with genuine dysphoria and still think they’re deluded. You can have sympathy for people that were brainwashed as kids and still expect them to examine their values. And you can think others are just self absorbed assholes. You can condemn the patriarchy for convincing so many young that they are worthless that they are choosing the Trans man path and still hold them accountable for throwing around homophobic slurs. You can have sympathy for trans women that are fighting sepsis from bottom surgery and still regard most of them as sex pests.

Empathy is finite. It is not on or off. It is not something we owe to a person because they are struggling.

Treat the people around you with kindness and respect. Pour your energy into a few meaningful things instead of dozens of empty ‘causes’. Torturing yourself over if you feel nice enough on the inside is so…Catholic. It’s female socialization.

Breathe. You’re a good person.

[ca-suffit]

As a black viewer (in response to the other anon) , I have to say that the lack of understanding in (seemingly sparse) conversations surrounding the importance of race and blackness/anti blackness is extremely frustrating in the fandom. Blogs on here who are so tied to/fans of the book never seem to want to have these conversations. They are so hung up on the book the book the book and the facts of the book and ignore that this show isn’t directly pulling from the book. It’s inspired by, with the same storylines just told differently, with the same characters played by an array of actors. People on twitter (most of them because i have seen a few people bring of this up and get blacklisted by fandom) never want to talk about this. A lot of journalists as well. I wish the podcasts were still a thing because the host, a black woman, discussed race in relation to the story and how it impacts Louis/Claudia. Instead we got - in addition to articles/etc- interviews with mostly or all white fans on YouTube with the cast. No shade to them because they seem fine but to can a podcast that discussed important topics like antiblackness/racism, being black in that time period to instead give space for these fans to ask the cast questions that never cut into the meat of it all or dive into those topics whatsoever is… a choice. An insulting and disappointing choice. About the depiction of that in the show especially season two, it did make me uncomfortable. It was hard to stomach. Without the intent to normalize the storytelling choices at all, I can’t say I’m surprised they decided to depict that the way they did. The showrunner is white and who knows how many of the writers are as well or simply not black so there’s a very serious lack of understanding the impact this has on a black audience. Claudia was always going to die in the show no matter what because the writer for the book series this was based on had a daughter who was the inspiration for creating claudia who died young. Having said that, it could have been handled differently in the show knowing that they’re in Europe in the 1900s with two black characters. Rollin (the showrunner) casted a black actor to play one of his main characters so he was already aware that Louis would be treated differently than say if he was a white Louis. Thus, he was already aware of how Louis would be treated if/when Louis went to Europe because he and Claudia are black. He plans out storylines and I wish that could have been handled with more care and less triggering. I am aware that if Louis and Claudia freely traveled around Europe during war times and racism with no one - not a single vampire or human trying to attack or bother them- that there would be fans saying well you are just brushing over the reality of how Louis and Claudia would be treated. And yeah they would have. So all of this to say I understand where that anon is coming from.

Can I say that it bothers me to no end that - although I can grasp why- the consequences of some people’s actions specifically Armand - are not treated with the weight as it should. I do not know how this will be dealt with next season, but it has been said (about this story/characters) that since vampires live to eternity/for centuries, they learn to forgive heinous and the most traumatizing of situations for the sake of moving forward and healing. You can choose to forgive if you want if it serves you in healing because that is a person (or vampire’s) right but Armand killed and orchestrated the death of two peoples daughter. I don’t want to see two or even three seasons from now Armand becoming ‘buddies’ with Louis or Lestat. The writer of these characters said that if Louis and Lestat did have an actual wedding, Armand would be there and have a role in it ? Why would the man who killed their daughter have a role in their wedding? I don’t want to see something like that in the show. Fans excuse it because these are vampires with a non human experience but we are humans watching and will find it hard to forget something like that. If this was real life, a person or duo would not think twice about cutting someone off who killed their daughter. I will say to Louis staying with Armand after Claudia’s death, he doesn’t know that Armand planned and did that. He thinks it was all or mostly Lestat’s fault, which it wasn’t. Lestat we will learn was weak from Armand holding him captive so he couldn’t save Claudia- going back to the reality that Claudia was never going to be saved because the writer/creator of the book series had her die because she was inspired by her daughter’s death. Despite knowing that, it was troubling seeing these events unfold as they did nonetheless. All of this to say, I am aware that life for Louis and Claudia was never going to be rainbows and sunshine everyday with no racism or hardships. If the show attempted to portray their lives that way, it would be problematic. So I understand that Louis and Claudia will be faced with racism and hard times, but it’s how the portrayal unfolds. As for Lestat’s treatment of them, I’m glad there’s some semblance of remorse and apology that we never get from Armand ever. This is NOT me excusing Lestat’s actions whatsoever just to say that is the bare minimum lol especially for a white character because we know if he was lacking remorse and didn’t care, it wouldn’t go over well. At least we might see his consequences from his actions next season since it appears to be half focused on him and the rest still on Louis. There are limited number of episodes in a season so I am aware that there is only so much ground that can be covered in terms of consequences and fallout from these events. It is difficult having a lack of a black persons perspective in the making of the show because even if Claudia was always going to die and Louis was going to interpret the events wrong to end up with her killer, there is a way that could’ve been handled that didn’t cause as much triggering and distaste for black viewers

(context)

(posting this as it is for a fan vent)

Part 2 also:

"Black anon here who sent an agreeing response to the other ask talking about their reaction to the lynching/racism- the book purists willingly ignore the reality that this book was written by a white woman who was racist and is now in the hands of a white man who does not understand what it is like to be a black person- black American man specifically - living and existing especially in the time period the first two seasons are set in, the early 1900s to present day or close to present day. The book purists focus more on ‘yes this is the Louis and Lestat (as endgame) show if you don’t like it then don’t watch’ and do not even try to give it the same amount of attention or understanding. They do not want to talk about the lynching and how traumatizing that is. It’s not like the showrunner doesn’t care but it doesn’t seem as if he’s as invested in telling that with as much intent as he is at portraying Lestat as interesting and memorable as this new version separate from Lestat’s of the past in media. Yes he cares about this new version of Louis portrayed by Jacob but to what extent because it feels as if the writing for Louis could have been handled with more care in numerous circumstances/situations. It’s not all bad/in distaste I do see instances where the portrayal of Louis is reflected with nuance and I don’t know if that’s Jacob it could be but he only acts to what he is given on the page. He does understand Louis more- not only as a black person but in terms of things he has discussed before like mental health struggles- I understand that this show is about vampires and complexity and a range of other themes but this can’t be ignored and should be handled with the same weight and intention as Lestat being developed as he has and will be for next season. It must be easier for the showrunner to see Lestat because he is also white, so there is a level of understanding. But Louis who is black in the show- he will never understand that experience of being a black American or a gay black American man at that- and yes he can research or consult with people if he hasn’t already- but I’m noticing discrepancies and that can only do so much when he doesn’t understand/live in that experience himself. This is not to say that Louis is unlikable or uninteresting because I find Louis to be very interesting and I very much enjoy him as a character however what he endures and experience feels like never ending pain. Yes he is guilt ridden and traumatized and depressed but that’s not all he is. Yes, this is his life story entangled with moments that bring out these feelings but I want to see more. I hope to see a shift to something else moving forward next season and beyond since the showrunner intends to do 8-10 seasons allegedly"

[yaqamole]

I hope this isn't insensitive but I just logged back on to see you leaving the country fandom, is it ok to ask what happened?

A lot happened.

But in the best way I can condense it. I had a really bad falling out with a friend. I understand why it happened and where I went wrong in it, I really do. However, I recently was made aware that this ex-friend is now spreading blatant lies about me, many which he and his friends attempted to gaslight me about towards the end of our friendship.

Some of these lies are downright awful and really make me out to be a monster and a dangerous person. Some of them I actually fear might put me in danger in my day-to-day life and I am horrified that they are being spread. They all range from mild to extreme and I genuinely no longer feel safe in the Hetalia fandom specifically. But I also feel unsafe in general due to the danger these lies pose on me, especially as a brown transmasc.

Very sensitive information I trusted this friend with is being twisted in order to make it seem like I intended harm or to imply that I am a harmful person to be around. Not only that, there are accusations that are so blatantly false regarding information about my growing up and background. Seeing this all has made me absolutely sick to my stomach.

I have lost friends over this and I fear I will continue to because I don't know who is being told or where, I just know that these things are being said.

So I ask everyone, if you hear things about me, please come to me first. I am more than willing to explain things and debunk the lies being told about me. I have always aimed to be as transparent as possible and I intend to remain that way, especially with this. I understand my mistakes and I own up to those. But I absolutely will not stand for absolutely abhorrent things being said about my character just because somebody refuses to accept that they already won the situation between us.

Frankly, and I don't care if his friends who have been stalking my accounts see this, this all is so very ironic. This person claims to care about POC but wasted no chance in turning a transmasc brown person into a dangerous monster and crying white woman tears in order to turn people against me. Especially when they were well aware that being villainized and treated the way they are treating me is the one thing I hate most that happens when I fall out of friendships with white people.

I genuinely don't understand how you can claim you care about POC while using your white privilege to villainize a POC and not think about the consequences that come with that.

And as I said earlier, this ex-friend and his group have attempted to gaslight me about things I supposedly did. It has taken my therapist months now to get me to stop believing the things that they made me believe of myself because none of it is true. Even now I still keep blaming myself for things that I didn't do because this group has turned me into a cartoon villain for them to shove all their blame onto!

It's fucking ridiculous and rancid.

But overall, I just ask that you come to me if you hear things about me because I know who I am and I am horrified at the words being spewed about me.