#i try not to talk too much about my emotions on tumblr for fear of getting too Personal and getting sent anon hate sdlkfsdljfs

[rootspiral]

Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 6 part 3

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1][2][3][4][5] ep6 [1][2][3] ep7 [1][2][3][4][5][6] ep8 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7])

I think this might actually be my favorite Agatha, for real? Like, the ring binder. The pOUTING. She's SO serious. I want to talk to her in a baby voice, just like, to be supportive of her little things.

And the Bohner family reunion shirt, of course. the gray socks, the garden hose sprayer as a gun. To use tumblr lingo, that's the saddest meow meow of a woman I've ever seen, and I'm obsessed with her.

GAY ON GAY VIOLENCE

joe was holding for dear life, but he didn't laugh. because he's a professional.

billy putting all the hours he spent on tvtropes dot com to good use

he's always a little smug, like he thinks he's in control, that he knows better. when he actually doesn't know shit! that's the whole attitude he brought to the Road.

and that's detective agnes o'connor to you, you little punk.

the click pen gag destroys me. this is 5 minutes of kathryn and joe being silly and, look, does it further the plot? no. am I having fun? sure am! so who's to say it's wasted time?

and the way she looks so small and lost when reality slips in for a moment, she is so precious to me.

look at the hand going in witchy position, the real agatha fighting to regain control. what a great acting choice.

for context he spent all of five minutes in the closet before bursting out in a a cloud of nail polish fumes. and it still was five minutes too many

the draMATIC zoOM IN

you thought quicksand would be enough to kill thee agatha harkness?? you're gonna need to put some more effort to it, some flair! and what's more, she's gonna complain about it the whooooole time

fare thee well swooshy coat

I just realized all the little innocent questions billy keeps peppering agatha with are exactly because he can't read her mind, so he's trying to get information for the Road on the down low

you guys keep accidentally shaping reality. it's a fairly big tell.

she tries to joke as usual, but when billy doesn't respond she sighs and tries to be soft and thoughtful. she's not AT ALL comfortable opening up so it's laced with manipulation, but hey, she tries

goddamnit she's crying again. I told you she loves billy for being billy, and not just as a nicky stand-in. this is the brilliant little boy who could always see right through her, and agatha has loved him since the day he was born.

hey there kiddo. so you've killed a few witches, happens to the best of us. look at me, killing witches never opened a gaping black chasm in my soul or anything. you're going to be fine.

billy is so not amused

just like with wanda, there's so much there. sympathy, thirst for power, genuine interest in cool witchcraft, self preservation, fear, desire. she wants to connect, she wants to squash him like a bug, she wants to steal his powers and run, she wants to MOTHER him

and in all this whirlwind of emotions, mothering wins out. and it's projecting and it's selfish, she's telling him what she wishes her own mother would have told her.

she is uplifting billy and giving him a pep talk, but she's also giving herself a pep talk. she's proudly claiming her status as a survivor, while also trying to justify - to herself and to billy - all she atrocities she's committed. like I said, there's always so much there. at least 90% of her is purely selfish, and then there's a luminous little corner of her soul that is capable of so much love.

and at the end of a speech that started calculated and became all passion, she reclaims her identity as a witch, despite all the difficult history there. her mother passed on overwhelming internalized hatred and fear of witchfolk and - inevitably, some serious self-hatred. Her sense of identity and belonging is all fucked up, she must have been trying to negotiate and come to terms with it since she was a child.

and of course, being agatha, she hates herself while still believing she's the greatest witch that ever lived.

oooh, who's an edgy boy! I've been thinking about billy's defense mechanisms too, he usually goes for the innocent teen persona (a bit like agatha chooses to play cheesy characters) but he gets so very edgy and dramatic when upset. I think deep down he's more proud and self-involved that he'd be comfortable admitting, and why wouldn't he? he's so powerful. he can read everyone around him like an open book, a part of him genuinely thinks he's figured it all out. he doesn't like being told that he's wrong because ultimately he's TERRIFIED of being wrong and making a mess of things like agatha or wanda.

and he's carrying so much destructive potential that his growing pains, the mistakes that every young person ought to make, could have catastrophic consequences. that's why he so badly needs agatha's guidance, she's the only one who could possibly understand all that. if, you know, she could only work through her own shit first.

lmao that was such an elaborate (and cruel) way to land a joke. and she KNOWS tommy's name, she's just being a bitch

mustache!

billy getting in her face to yell at her reminds me of when she's confronted by jen in the finale, she tries to joke and deflect until jen no longer allows it. she is so afraid of facing her own responsibilities.

and she gets serious just for a moment, just long enough to betray how much billy's rejection actually hurts her. and she didn't expect anything else, so she keeps rejecting people first only to be heartbroken again when they do too. such a vicious cycle.

and the walls are up again.

and she swaggers off, the wretched muddy little creature. she looks almost cool.

next up:

yeah, it's lilia's episode.

goddammit.

[pinievsev]

FEAR

(as always requests are open and masterlist is pinned)

Pyeon sang-wook x GN! reader

Warnings: mentions of blood and wounds, mentions of death, a tiny kiss at the end.

Notes: thanks to my pooks @il-i-sam for helping me edit this, I wrote this at school and it was really rushed and had grammatical mistakes! You're amazing MWAH MWAH MWAH!

© The-Lemon-Boy on Tumblr

Pyeon sang-wook was always a man of few words and actions. He always believed relationships to be unimportant. Especially now.

Sometimes, he didn't want friendships either. He liked being alone, at least most of the time.

There had been times when he'd thought of getting up and joining the others during "dinner" but he was afraid. Afraid of what they saw him as. A monster, a murderer.

So even if he actually wanted a friendship (or more), he didn't have anywhere to start. Well, that's not entirely true. But again, he was afraid. Of what? He wasn't sure either.

But he knew that you'd be his starting point. Though he didn't know how long he had, since he never showed any signs of accepting your silent invitation to a friendship. You'd been there for him since he joined the group, everyone was afraid of him, made remarks about his scars.

But you didn't. You never said anything bad about him, he even heard you defend him once. You'd defended him multiple times. He just happened to have heard you once.

..

"Oh my god... I can't stand seeing his face. It looks so scary... Who knows what it's from?" The lady with the dog had said.

He'd heard her, but just as he was about to get up and leave, he heard you too.

"With all due respect. You don't know what it's from. And you shouldn't judge. You're a full grown adult woman. And yet you still make assumptions based on someone's appearance." It was what you had said to her.

He left after hearing that. A small smile formed on his face, which he forced down after realising.

..

Right now it was dinner time, he had stopped eating with everyone a while ago. He didn't mind not eating, but you did. You'd always get him a plate and find him, wherever he was.

He was sitting in the grave room, staring at the ground, when you walked in. You walked over and kneeled down in front of him, handing him his food. You had learned not to try to start a conversation, he wasn't much of a talker. You noticed.

You sat by him, leaving enough space for him to be comfortable. And started to eat.

Imagine your surprise when you heard his voice. Directed towards you. "Why don't you hate me? Like everyone else. I don't need pity."

You shook your head and moved closer. "I don't pity you. I know you can handle yourself. I just cannot stand seeing people be treated in a way they don't deserve. And you don't deserve to be seen as a scary murderer. Even if you don't think that."

He raised a brow at your words, still not looking at you. "I murdered someone. With a hammer right in front of you." He pointed out the obvious.

You turned fully towards him, placing your food down and sitting crisscross. "Most people here are scared of you because they believe the man you killed was innocent."

Now interested in where this was going, he turned his upper body to face you. "And you don't?" He questioned.

"I've lived here since I was little. I remember when he moved in, when my mum sent me to bring him a cake as a welcome gift, and when I found his door open and walked inside that room..." You hoped he'd understand; you hoped he'd seen the room, and you didn't have to explain.

And based on his reaction, he did. His eyes widened—the most obvious showcase of emotions you've ever seen from him.

"I've never run out of a room faster in my life." You chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. But he just shook his head.

He was glad someone understood him. You stood up. Stretching. "You should eat." You pointed out before going towards the door, but before you exited, you turned back. "Oh, and if you ever need anyone to talk to, it shouldn't be too hard to find me."

..

About a week passed, and he did talk to you almost every day. Even though they were just general chats, it felt good for him to be able to talk freely to someone again.

Right now, you sat there, talking about what you did before this whole ordeal.

Well, more like him hearing you talk. But he didn't mind; he loved listening to your stories.

But your talking was cut short by a terrible screech coming from the hall, accompanied by Su Yeong's screaming.

Immediately, you stood up and rushed over, seeing Mr. Han shooting at the spider like monster that was chasing the young girl. You rushed and picked her up. "Come on!"

You shouted to Mr. Han, who followed you as fast as he could in his wheelchair.

You ran down a ramp, but Mr. Han's wheelchair got stuck, and he fell off of it. You placed Su-Yeong down and told her to go into the room where you previously were with Sang-Wook.

She wanted to help Mr. Han, but you assured her that you'd help him, and she rushed off into the room. You heard her crying to Sang-Wook. Asking for his help.

You spun around on your heel and bent down, helping Mr. Han back into his wheelchair. You ushered him inside the room as well. As soon as he entered the room, the monster quickly jumped on you, stabbing one of its legs into your torso.

You screamed out in pain, but you fought back as much as you could. But the pain was unbearable. You were about to pass out, and the last thing you saw was Cha Hyun-Soo coming to your rescue, and you heard Su-Yeong screaming, everyone else gasping, and Sang-Wook calling out to you. Then it all went black.

Once you regained consciousness, you saw Yu-ri sitting next to you, patching you up.

"Oh, you're up. How are you feeling?" She asked as she finished up her work on your wound.

"Could be better. What happened?" She patted your shoulder, told you about how Hyun-Soo had killed the monster, and assured you that everyone was safe.

You let out a sigh of relief, closing your eyes for a moment before opening them again. But you were met with a different face.

Sang-wook was sitting in Yu-ri's place, and you heard the door close. He looked genuinely worried, which made you smile and sit up. With his help, you managed to rest your back on the wall behind you.

"What were you thinking, huh? You could've died." He didn't sound angry at all. You simply placed a hand on his arm and answered.

"I could have, yes. But I would've been fine with it as long as Su-Yeong and Mr. Han didn't." He groaned at your response and sat next to you on the makeshift bed. Placing his hands on either side of you.

"You might have been okay with it. But I wouldn't." You went to speak, but he hushed you. "Listen to me. Never do something that stupid again."

You smirked and leaned closer. "And why do you care?" He scowled at you slightly. And without a verbal answer, he placed his lips on yours.

You were taken aback; you didn't expect it at all. But you weren't complaining. You've been spending a lot of time together. You would be lying if you said you hadn't developed some kind of feeling for the man.

"Is that a good enough reason for me to care?" He asked. He didn't have his usual cold and emotionless demeanour this time. He looked genuinely concerned, worried, and happy at the same time.

"It is." You said, and hugged the man.

This was an outcome you wouldn't have expected at all. Not the bad kind, though.

[thatstupidplant]

So, I said I wohld have been gone for a while...

But I saw this artpeace  by @isjasz (her tumblr) and it became my reason to live

So... Enjoy this oneshot while it last :D

Ps: I wanted to post it on AO3 too, but I don't have an account and I found out there is a FUCKING WAITING LIST, LIKE- WHYYYY I DON'T WANNA WAIT FOR MAY 18TH

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Hotguy looked at at the city from the ceiling, it all looked to peaceful during the night.

He immediately forgot what he was here for though, which was a problem and a very Scar thing to do. But unfortunately he wasn't allowed to be Scar at the moment. His train of though stopped when an arrow almost hit him.

Ah yes, Cuteguy.

Cuteguy wasn't the best one with bow and arrows, he was way better at a close battle, but he was good enough to startle Hotguy when needed. In this moment it was needed.

Hotguy turned around to see who almost made him blind, ready to trasform to atoms whoever attacked him, but his face got painted with a smile as soon as he looked at the slim figure above him, in a near roof trying his best not to die of laughter.

Scaf realized that the painter decorating his face also, accidentally, splashed a little bit of red.

Just a tiny bit, hard to see without the mask and impossible with it.

"Hotguy, wasn't expecting you to be early" the avian figure said while getting closer.

While the pink and white wings made an awfull distraction, the taller hero remembered that Cuteguy had to talk to him about something important

"Why do you think I'd be late? I wouldn't want my darling to wait" The taller hero said while jokingly kissing the other hero's hand.

Until he noticed something.

The mask was normal, his wings were normal, but the outfit was different: Cuteguy usually wore a white and pink attire, which made him the 'opposite' of Hotguy, but today he was wearing black shirt and pants with his jacket. That was his 'hidden' outfit, used when the avian wasn't meant to be seen (it was something Hotguy didn't need as much as Cuteguy because his outfit was already pretty dark)

Hotguy had dark hair, Cuteguy's were light; Hotguy was tall, Cuteguy had the intention to be; Hotguy was flirtous while Cuteguy was...

"Are you listening to me?"

Scar mind said no, but his expression said 'please don't ask me that'

"Oh yeah, totally"

Cuteguy folded his hands. A suspicious expression on his face.

"Then what did I say?"

Yep. He was screwed.

The brunette hero searched is memory, but it was empty.

"Youu... weerreee.... talking about... safety?"

"No."

Fuck

Yes, Hotguy was kind of screwed now.

"Ok, ok, I wasn't listening"

Scar said while moving his hands. Cuteguy slapped his face muttering something similar a 'this idiot', but Scar didn't hear it well.

"I was talking about what the public think of us!"

"And what does the public think of us?"

The avian started to mentally pray God to, please, have a smarter partner. But he started to remember all the time Hotguy had brillant ideas and hated the fact that he was just too innocent to be an adult man.

"The fact that everyone thinks we're dating, Hotguy"

Scar stopped. No, it wasn't Hotguy, it was Scar. The man hid his fear with the flirtuois smile and the confident attitude, but he couldn't lie saying the though of kissing those lips interested him...

'No Scar, you can fuck your collegue'

"And what is we made it true?"

Hotguy started to walk towards Cuteguy, with his sicure composure,a playful smile and an emotion Cuteguy couldn't innitially recognize.

But when the realization came, it made his stomach go upside down. Why did Hoteguy had lust in his eyes? He always joked about kissing him, calling him 'his boyfriend', offering his hand and playful flirting like these.

'Cuteguy' didn't have something to complain about it, but Grian hated how his face would become more and more like the red of his natural wings color.

He started walking back, searching to escape the bumping of his heart. He hit the border of the roof that, fortunately and unfortunately, had a small wall. He sat on the wall and waited. Hotguy stopped right infront of his face, looking in his eyes. Grian made his 'Cuteguy' mask fell off and decided to relax, just relax, even if Hotguy was always clingy it was rare to have him this close so maybe he should have just enjoyed the momeng. His expression calmed down, the sleepyness of the middle of the night appeared.

"So... do you accept my offe-"

Hotguy almost jumped when CUteguy's head landed on his shoulder. If you asked him, he would have said he was completely calm, but his heartrate said something else. Did Cuteguy really fell asleep on him? What was he suppose to do now?

"I'm not asleep, I just want..." Cute guys without continuing and putting his arms behind Hotguy's back.

They both remained there, too scared to scare the moment away by moving. After what we can count as some seconds, but for them seemed hours, Hotguy put his hands on Cuteguy's back making it the best hug Grian recieved in years.

When was the last time he was hugged like this? When was the last time someone cared so much?

They stayed there, waiting for the morning as the sun started rising from behind.

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Author's note:

Idk if I like it or not, maybe I could make a second attempt in the future.

Anygays, gor now this is it, it was a pleasure feeling some Scarian, something that I will do more in the future with a ne-

*COFF COFF*

I MEAN... EH EH... NOTHING!

[good-vs-evo]

saw some ppl on tiktok getting SO PRESSED about polycules and relationships other than hualian and that was kind of funny so i needed to make and explain my relationship chart

i’d love to explain to them (as a polyam person myself >:3) that love is not a limited commodity and hua cheng falling for yin yu doesn’t mean he suddenly doesn’t care about xie lian at all but i fear that would be lost on them HAHA

also if you… don’t wanna see that kinda stuff… just don’t look at it… don’t hate on people who do… life would be easier for everyone… but moving on

i debated splitting yin yu x he xuan x hua cheng from the moon quartet then decided against it because it was getting waaaay too chaotic

rip to quan yizhen, either he has no manhua art or i couldn’t find it (i haven’t read the manhua yet ffjhshd)

uhhh i got a lot of inspo abt huayin from @devotedbutterfly’s tiktoks and stuff (sorry for going thru like all of ur stuff and generally being a demon on ur tiktok and tumblr ahsjdj) and xuanyin/blackmoon stuff from @ghooostbaby so. yes their stuff is very cool :]

anyways-

first chart is different explanations for everyone’s relationship with one another

the second is me trying to simplify them into categories

BUT i’ll explain this a lotttt better in text

quanyin

uh. this one feels self explanatory

hualian

if i have to explain this one it’s over

fengqing

same as the first two LMAO

xianle trio

yes, i had to break the trio and quartet into different categories

mulian: mu qing always admired xie lian for his self-assuredness, strength, and also beauty. he was a bit jealous of him for a long time, but they were able to talk about it and they both forgave each other for everything that happened in the past. he's had a crush on him since the beginning, but was bad at showing it. xie lian thought mu qing was pretty and a very interesting person; when he got older, he regretted not spending more time getting to know him, so he makes up for it later on in life! he loves when mu qing is softer and shy and more vulnerable than he is usually, and loves how mu qing is a good listener and is pretty emotionally intelligent.

fengqing: well. you get the idea

fenglian: feng xin was always loyal, the first person to have fallen in love with xie lian, and dianxia’s first kiss. he would’ve never left xie lian if xie lian hadn’t told him to. he respected xie lian a lot. xie lian loved how much feng xin cared, and felt immensely guilty about being unable to give him anything more. when they reunite, he showers feng xin with gifts and words of affirmation (he got better at expressing his emotions) and they spend a lot of time together

xianle quartet

all the other ones stay the same, so i’ll just explain the two new ones

huaqing: they were once stuck together and had to talk just out of boredom. they bickered a little but the more they talked the more they realized that there was more to the other. mu qing feels genuinely bad about what he did to hua cheng. he has a hard time apologizing but he tried his best to express his remorse, and hua cheng was pretty shocked (previously thought mu qing was a bit of an asshole) and, since mu qing was being sincere, decided to accept his apology. they hit some rough patches now and then, but xie lian and feng xin help them through it. they realized they’re pretty similar, and team up to stir up trouble with people they don’t like sometimes!

huaxin: feng xin was jealous of hua cheng because he was the one who won xie lian’s heart after 800 years and was really happy when he found out that xie lian liked him too. he admires that hua cheng was strong enough to help xie lian so many times. he also likes that hua cheng is a little cocky sometimes (read: very often), and finds hua cheng very good looking. hua cheng was jealous of feng xin for being the first person to be that close to xie lian, but appreciates how loyal he was throughout everything that happened and finds him pretty cool. he likes the way feng xin curses a lot when he’s pissed (finds it endearing)

huayin

ONE OF MY PERSONAL FAVES!!!

yin yu fell first, because hua cheng was so fascinatingly determined and also like the prettiest person he’s ever met. he was intimidating, but could be quite kind, as he was to yin yu when they broke past the employee/employer relationship and became closer

hua cheng began to notice the way yin yu came off as so meek and unnoticeable, but had a kind of poised anger and strength beneath all of that. he trusted yin yu with a lot of more important tasks, paid him well, and considered him as more of a right hand man or partner in crime than a henchman, then eventually as just a partner

e’ming also likes yin yu, and trusts him to take care of it

hua cheng finds it endearing when yin yu gets protective of him (both of them know hua cheng is perfectly capable, but hua cheng finds it sweet regardless)

yin yu cheered hua cheng on a lot with xie lian and patiently listened to everything hua cheng had to say about him

huayinlian/hualianyu

ANOTHER PERSONAL FAVE

ppl keep being like “oh but hua cheng would never cheat on xie lian” HOW IS THAT CHEATING! GOOD LORD! HUA CHENG STILL LOVES XIE LIAN, BUT HAS ALSO DEVELOPED FEELINGS FOR THE PERSON HE SPENT THE MOST AMOUNT OF TIME WITH

i digress

yin yu fell for xie lian because he heard about him all the time. how could you spend so much time hearing about how wonderful, kind, gracious, and amazing someone is without catching feelings a little? additionally, hua cheng allowed yin yu to visit xie lian’s temple and leave offerings, trusting him to be genuine in his actions. yin yu saw some of the paintings and sculptures of xie lian and found him beautiful. he knows a lot about xie lian's life, and truly wants him to find peace and happiness

xie lian loves how devoted yin yu was to hua cheng and how much he helped him. he knows those years were hard for hua cheng, and he’s glad that he had a companion (contrary to what people say about “cheating”, xie lian is incredibly happy that hua cheng managed to find love while he was waiting). i know yin yu is canonically “plain”, but xie lian loves him and thinks he’s very handsome :) he gives him a lot of compliments and words of affirmation

blackmoon (yinxuan)

taking a moment to appreciate that very awesome ship name

yin yu thought he xuan was terrifying and intense, only to discover that. he’s just a guy (/pos). but he does have a lot going on! he has urges and a complex history and emotions he doesn’t show to a lot of people and plans within plans and is generally such an interesting person with so many layers to him. beneath a lot of those layers is a guy who’s kind and smart and would’ve stayed kind and smart if his life wasn’t utterly ruined

he xuan initially thought yin yu was just kind of pathetic, but learned more about him and started to like him more. he finds his passion really attractive, loves how genuinely sweet, kind, and gentle he is as well as how harsh, cruel, and unrelenting he can be. he treats he xuan well and makes him feel human and real and knows when to leave him alone and knows when he wants attention and cooks for him and-

they feel seen around each other, having experienced similar things (such as having their destiny “stolen” in different ways though) and have experienced suffering in such a firsthand way. they’re ready to just chill together now :)

moon quartet (hua cheng, xie lian, he xuan, and yin yu)

xie lian finds he xuan cool, doesn’t have too many thoughts about him. he xuan thinks xie lian is cute and also mildly terrifying (i’m definitely editing this later on, i just don’t have a lot of thoughts about them yet)

hua cheng and he xuan have been close for a long time, helping each other out with ghost king business. hua cheng let he xuan relax and chill at ghost city when he needed to, and he xuan kept a close eye on the heavenly capital, so they met often and bonded. they’re both motivated by something and are incredibly passionate about that thing, so they mutually admire the other’s drive and courage

i have the least for them so far, but i just think they’d be sweet together :] they’d all help each other heal and be able to talk to each other. they’d love each other a lot and take care of one another when they need it and be there when someone needs someone :3 idk they’re so traumatized and deserve to recover from that i’ll form more thoughts i swear

ANYWAYS. that’s it for now i’m def gonna write stuff for all of these ships :0 they’re all very special to me 💖 i might add them to my 30 day fluff challenge :3 cuz they all deserve some nice fluff! (ill also keep updating + editing! feel free to ask me to explain relationships more, id love to <3)

[sematarygirls]

Black Hole Fantasy — Sonny Carisi.

pairing: sonny carisi x reader

summary: you finally decide to tell sonny how you feel... in the middle of the night... without any warning whatsoever

warnings: none, really. angst if you squint but mostly fluff. probably some inaccuracies regarding nyc and apartment buildings, but plot convenience is more important

word count: 1.3k

a/n: based on my favorite song from the crane wives' new album beyond, beyond, beyond— black hole fantasy. i heard the last verse of the song and immediately thought of sonny, so i opened up tumblr and forewent sleep to write this.

Let's try this again

You and Sonny had a slightly rocky relationship. It wasn't him at all! He was the most perfect boyfriend in the world, and he was so patient and understanding about your commitment issues. You knew you were the problem, and as much as Sonny tried to reassure you that he was fine with taking things slow, you knew a part of him was frustrated.

You loved him so much, and you wanted to commit to him wholly and completely, but you found it hard to settle down with people. You feared that intimacy, that eventual physical and emotional closeness that all relationships somehow ended up at.

But, once again, you found yourself deciding that you were ready to be serious and talk to Sonny about moving the relationship in a more serious direction. It wasn't the first time you'd convinced yourself it was time to push yourself, but it somehow felt different this time. You felt like you were really ready.

Sonny was on your mind all the time. You couldn't get him out of your head. The way his eyes crinkled when he smiled that breathtaking smile, the way his brow furrowed when he was thinking or listening really intently to someone, his hands waving in all directions when he was speaking about something he was passionate about— all the little quirks that made him him— you were completed enamored by them.

I'm on my way to your house, guided by the stars

You gripped the steering wheel as you made your way down the New York streets. That nagging voice in the back of your head was trying to tell you that you weren't ready, that you would never be ready, but you pushed it aside.

You couldn't push people away forever. At some point, you'd have to open up and be honest about how you feel, and tonight was the night.

You followed the street signs, recalling where Sonny lived. You didn't even think of how odd it might be to just show up in the middle of the night without so much as a warning; you were far too caught up in trying to keep your nerves at bay.

Your fingers drummed against the steering wheel, a song playing softly from the radio. It was one you knew well, which helped calm you a little as you sang along. You glanced at the clock, hoping he was home and still awake. You'd feel awfully guilty if you woke him up at this hour just to confess your undying love for him.

I'm pulling in the driveway, I'm turning off the car

You pulled up outside his apartment and cut the engine, staring at the door. God, were you really doing this?

Yes. Yes, you were doing this.

I'm running to your porch, I'm sprinting up the stairs

You took a deep breath and pulled out your phone, finding Sonny's contact and pressing the call button as you got out of your car and headed to the front door. You stood there awkwardly, listening to the phone ring.

God, this was a stupid idea. What were you thinking?

Just as you were about to turn and walk back to your car, he picked up.

"Hey," he hesitated, sounding like he was going to say something, but he thought better of it. "What's up?"

He didn't sound like he'd just woken up. That was good.

"Uh, hey," you responded awkwardly, kicking a pebble at your foot. "I'm downstairs. Can you buzz me in?"

He paused, and you heard shuffling on the other end. "Uh, yeah," he said. You could practically hear the furrow in his brow. "Give me a minute."

"Okay, thanks," you said, quickly hanging up. You didn't want to word vomit everything you had to say over the phone.

You heard the buzzing noise of the door unlocking and pulled it open, hurrying inside. You rushed to the elevator, practically running. You felt a little stupid, but you really needed to get this off your chest before you tried talking yourself out of it last minute.

"Stupid elevator," you grumbled, watching the floors slowly tick by, antagonizing you. You could've sworn it got slower and slower as it reached the ground floor.

Once inside, you pressed the button to his floor frantically. You figured you must have looked insane, but you didn't care. You groaned in frustration as the elevator ascended just as slowly as it had descended.

Finally, you reached his floor, rushing to his door. You take a breath. "No going back, now," you think, knocking on the door.

the door swings open, and you're standing there

Your heart is pounding as he opens the door, greeting you with that big warm smile that always made your heart melt. You couldn't help but smile back, your nerves calming just at the sight of him. You'd never felt this way with anyone— this safe and so unconditionally loved.

you're beaming down at me, you're reaching out for me / you pull me in your arms, and i feel your heart pounding

"Hey," he said again, pulling you into a hug. You wrapped your arms around him, eyes fluttering shut as he engulfed you in his warm, comforting embrace.

"Hi," you say, your voice barely above a whisper. You can feel his damp hair on your neck and the strong scent of his shampoo, and you can't help but take a deep breath, inhaling his scent. He smelled like home.

i take a step back to catch my breath

"What are you doing here?" He asked as you pulled away from him. "Not that I'm not thrilled to see you— cause' I totally am!" He looks at you, his brows furrowing softly. You could practically see the wheels churning in his head. He was worried that something was wrong.

"I'm in love with you," you blurted out. Your cheeks heated up as you realized your mistake. You had a whole speech planned. You wanted to sit down inside and hold his hand and pour your heart out.

Instead, you confessed your love in the hallway, looking like a deer in headlights like an idiot.

and we look at each other and double over / and laugh, and laugh, and laugh

You couldn't help but start to giggle, something you did when you got nervous. And your giggles only worsened, turning to full blown laughs when you saw the bewildered look on his face.

He couldn't help but smile, watching you break out into a fit of laughter, and soon, both of you were standing there laughing like lunatics. If anyone walked by, they'd probably think you two just escaped an asylum with how odd it would have looked.

Slowly, you two began to catch your breaths, the laughter dying out as you stared at each other, neither of you knowing who should say anything first.

"I'm in love with you too," he replied softly, his hand finding your waist and pulling you closer. "God, I'm in love with you."

You smiled up at him, and for the first time, you didn't feel scared. You weren't worrying about what would come next or if you were ready. You were just in the moment with him.

He leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to your lips, like he was promising that what he said was true. You wrapped your arms around his neck, melting into him.

"We should probably get out of the hallway before one of my neighbors wanders out to see what all the noise is about," he grinned, pulling away from the kiss, his face still hovering close to yours. "they already don't like me. I hardly think public displays of affection will win me any brownie points."

"Shut up, you dork," you laughed, leaning in to kiss him again and gently curling your fingers into his freshly washed hair. He groaned into your mouth, pulling you inside and kicking the door closed behind him. You smiled against his lips.

You were finally happy, and you didn't plan on letting it go any time soon.

[elsa-fogen]

I just got my butt on Tumblr for today and saw everyone talking about potential inside out AU. I'm jumping onto this train. (warning, I have not seen Inside Out 2 and its been years since I watched the first one. bare with me)

Ok, so his main ruling one is Joy ofc, but I think there isn't just one joy. The one that has control of panel most of the time is corrupt. Its not quite right anymore. (again haven't seen second movie, but I saw a clip where joy snaps and practically swears - at least for her standards. I kinda picture that. his current Joy is just frigging broken. It split. It like cut itself to bits to protect what was left of it that was good. So the good joy is hiding in memories of Alastor's precious Maman. Bad joy is what takes pleasure in the killer part of Alastor heh heh.

Fear surfaces EVERY time Alastor either sees Lilith or hears her name. For reasons.

Disgust is there whenever Susan comes along or if he sees Lucifer's decor choices. (Circus decor and rubber ducks) And maybe when Vox gets to obsessive.

Anger crops up whenever someone disrespects him or threatens/disrespects someone he cares about. (ROSIE!!!! But also Charlie and maybe others. Niffty?)

Sadness is just tired. They don't even WANT to touch the panel anymore. They've had to deal with to much stuff to care anymore. But I think sometimes they unintentionally creep through. And when that happens its NOT pretty. (possibly corrupt Joy attacks?)

ALSO YES PLEASE DRAW THIS!!!

ohhh i like the idea of joy being broken (+ biting joy from another ask lol, it kinda fits)

I really like this take!!! And another look at sadness, i think it may have something like bipolar disorder (CAN emotions have disorders?) (not trying to ACTUALLY make it a thing), at some times it's just tired and depressed and in others has something like a manic episodes when it wants to have controls just out of spite

if were taking idea of joy being split, sadness while having depressed state may chill with normal joy in the memory storage (as i said before other emotions sometimes throw sadness away from the main room lol)

and i haven't seen io2 too lol

and IDK MAYBE ONE DAY I'LL DRAW IT....................... OR MAYBE NOT......

[funhouse-mirror-barbie]

I talked a lot about Stella’s appearances previously, but I wanted to talk about her other appearance in season one—this scene:

This scene is interesting to me. I’ve seen some discussion on tumblr debating that this scene was only showing that Stolas felt guilty about cheating on Stella, not that Stolas was actually in the wrong for doing so.

And I find this logic fascinating b/c, yes if you would like to interpret it that way, you can. It’s up to you to decide how you want to interpret or engage with any work.

That said, I don’t think that competent and consistent writing would make the audience try to justify why Stella was there in hindsight. (Conversation continues below cut)

This scene is significant to me because the visual composition and direction of the animation puts Stella at the same level of importance as Octavia.

Which, in my opinion, means that this is one of the few times Helluva Boss did “Show don’t Tell” really well.

Through the visuals, the lyrics of the song, and Stolas’ reaction to Ozzie’s conjured Stella and Via, the audience is told that “these are people Stolas has both failed. He knows he has failed them and fears losing them. But he still hasn’t considered how his actions would impact them, and is now being faced with the idea of that possibility for the first time”

I specifically say that “he’s afraid of losing them” because the illusion of Octavia and Stella both turn their backs on Stolas, leaving him with just Blitzø. It’s extremely clear visual story telling—Stolas wants to be with Blitzø, but in doing so he is neglecting and will potentially lose his relationships with his wife and child.

And, at this point, because it’s before S2E1, the audience has still not been told that Stella is evil and abusive, and have no reason to think that Stolas wouldn’t care if Stella left (and again you can argue that there’s foreshadowing in hindsight but I have already gone over in depth why there isn’t enough information about Stella for the audience to see that coming)

What this part of the song is communicating to us is that Stella has at least some importance in Stolas’ life.

I think you could say that “well obviously Ozzie just didn’t know enough about Stolas’ personal life” but at the same time, what is being depicted in the show is also for the audience’s benefit.

When you are using a visual medium for your story-telling, your compositions and what you physically show the audience is important.

Like this isn’t subtext, it’s not even subtle—in a scene that is depicting Stolas’ shame, guilt, and embarrassment over his affair with Blitzø, Stella is included with Octavia because he knows he wronged her too.

(Also I almost didn’t write “Stolas’ shame, guilt etc.” b/c I was like “well wait, I can’t remember for sure that Stolas was shown as being ashamed or embarrassed about his relationship with Blitzø” so I went back to check and rewatched Ozzie’s and like.. Stolas being ashamed of his affair with Blitzø was shown even more explicitly than I remembered. Like, he straight up tries to ditch Blitzø and then hides his face after Ozzie asks him if he gave up his family to be with Blitzø ????

And Blitzø’s reaction to this shows he’s obviously hurt by this? Like. I know some people have acted like Blitzø is in the wrong for rejecting Stolas after Ozzie’s but I can’t imagine not being hurt by this reaction…)

But anyway, back to the main point—All of these visuals and the character’s reactions to what’s going on around them are meant to illicit emotions within us, but if Stella’s abuse and complete cruelty were always planned and she was always supposed to be hated, the emotional impact this scene is significantly lessened.

I know I’ve already said this, but I just can’t help thinking that the story would have been SO MUCH more interesting if Stolas was held fully accountable and actually had to reflect on his actions. There was so much potential for the plot and deep nuanced character development and change.

At the end of the day though, it’s not my story, and the writers and creative heads of HB get to tell the story they want to tell.

As a final note—I am not trying to nitpick, these are things that occur to me while I am trying to understand the story and engage with it on a deeper level.

But with every new episode, I find myself having more questions about why certain choices were made, and getting more and more confused about why characters behave the way they do. I can’t help thinking that the story was never fully planned out, and I worry that’s only going to become more obvious as time goes on.

[softpascalito]

javier peña x f!dea!reader - we got your back.

Summary: You work as a new DEA agent alongside Peña and Murphy. A not-so-kind colleague reveals more about you than you would like. Protectiveness and fluff ensues.

aka

my friend wrote me some hurt/comfort headcanons and i turned them into a small something :)

Relationships: Javier Peña x FemReader (can be read as romantic or platonic)

WC: ~4200

Tags/Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mention of Canon-Typical Violence, No beta we die like Colonel Carrillo, Family Issues, They arent specified but reader is implied to be from a dysfunctional family, Steve is here too

AO3 LINK // PART 2 // PART 3 (on tumblr)

Notes:

hello!

there is a mention of the readers dysfunctional family in this story. if you relate to that in any way, please always remember that you are worthy of healthy love. it exists. seek help or advice if you need it. toxic environments arent forever. if you need to talk, my inbox is always open.

i havent written anything in a while and english is not my first language so please be kind and leave a comment if you like it &lt;3 _______________________________

Chapter 1

You had been in Bogotá for less than three months and while the past weeks had been filled with too little sleep, too much coffee and the daily fear of being targeted by a sicario , you had developed somewhat of a routine in the new environment. This was in large parts due to work at the Embassy. With Bogotá traffic being, well, Bogotá traffic, there'd been several days where you'd just bunked down on your office floor instead of going home to your bed which eventually had led to both Javier and Steve and now you always keeping a spare pillow and blanket around the office to make it slightly more comfortable. The most homey part about the Embassy however, were the people. Not just the two agents you were assigned to assist, hell, not even just the DEA department. Everyone helped each other out wherever they could. Being a gringo in Colombia with a drug lord promising a nice sum of money for your head was impossible to bear by yourself. And only almost impossible to bear with a bunch of people who were in the same position as you. You got along with almost everyone at the embassy. Almost everyone . The harsh contrast to your other, kind colleagues was a DEA secretary: Raquel Vázquez. She had been throwing obstacles and hateful glances your way as soon as you had arrived. You weren't even sure why she hated you so much. She was the wife of another agent and as spouses were not allowed to work anywhere but the embassy, she was stuck with her desk job, spending the day signing off letters, faxing intel to Washington and her favorite pass-time: taunt you for whatever she could come up with. “Hey, are you even listening?” Steve is crouched down in front of your desk and waving his hand through your line of sight, trying to grab your attention. Almost immediately there is a dramatic, loud sigh from the other side of the room:” How do you expect her to function on a job like this if she can't even manage to function within her own family?” Raquel snaps before rolling her eyes and pretending to look at the documents in front of her. Your head practically whips around as your brain processes what she just said. How the hell does that bitch know about your family situation? “I- I need to get a refill,” you mumble as you get up abruptly and grab your coffee mug, your old chair screeching as it is pushed back. Suddenly you're feeling a lot smaller as you navigate your way through the desks and flee to the small kitchen down the hall. You almost collide with Javier, who is just getting back from a meeting. You squeeze past him, not even giving him a chance to tease you. If one more person gets on your nerves, you are surely going to cry and you do not need that in front of your colleagues. Least of all in front of Raquel.

“Is everything alright with her?” Javier asks as he walks over to Steve, who is still kneeling in front of your desk and staring at the doorway you just left through. He slowly stands up and turns his attention towards the secretary, casually leaning over your now abandoned desk with crossed arms as his angry gaze bores into Raquel's skull. His eyes not leaving her, he turns towards Javi:” Do you know Y/N's family?” He asks bluntly. Javier seems somewhat taken aback by the question. He ponders for a few moments, his furrowed eyebrows forming a deep line on his forehead as he slowly shakes his head:'' I don't think she's ever mentioned them. Didn't come up. Why?” Steve's gaze is still on the secretary, knowing that she is listening in to every and each of their words:” Raquel mentioned them.” He raises his voice slightly:” How did you put it? Dysfunctional ?” Javi clenches his jaw as he turns to the woman as well. With a few quick strides, he approaches her desk and almost slams his hands down on it.

“Señora Vázquez.” His voice is barely more than an angry, deep grumble. The woman jumps slightly as she looks up at him as he towers over her. Before she can even open her mouth, he continues:” Don't you think the higher ups would be interested in the fact that you prioritize the private life of your coworkers over your actual work?” At the implication of his words, a panicked look appears on Raquel's features:” I don't know what you're talking about.” Giving her a warning look, Javier turns on his heels and follows you, muttering a “gonorrea de fea” under his breath.

You are standing in the small kitchen space, your elbows resting on the counter as you hold your head in your hands. The empty cup that had served as your makeshift alibi is standing next to you, forgotten. You hear the footsteps just in time to scramble back up and clutch the empty mug in your hands as you try and put on a nonchalant face. Judging by the way Javier is looking at you, you're not doing a very good job. He has been leaning against the doorframe and is now slowly stepping towards you:” I didn't mean to startle you.” You notice he has activated what Steve and you always call his “puppy face”. There is a softness in his brown eyes that you know is reserved for those closest to him as he leans against the counter next to you. “I- It's fine I just …” You stumble over your own words, too upset to find a quick excuse for your behavior and lie to him. The truth is, you're not entirely sure you want to lie to him. Not when he is standing so close to you, looking at you with that stupid, heart-melting look in his eyes. “I heard about what happened,” Javi interrupts your rather unsuccessful attempt at explaining yourself. So whatever excuse you have ready, I don't need to hear it.

He gently reaches out to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear before stepping closer and taking the empty mug out of your hands. He notices that it's empty. He doesn't mention it. Instead, he reaches around you to place it on the counter before gently pulling you into his embrace. Javier isn't really a hugging person. Hell, you aren't either. But he holds you close, gently stroking your back and you feel whatever resolve you had left about allowing him to comfort you evaporating into thin air.

“You know Steve and I always got your back, right?” He mumbles, his voice low. You can feel his lips on your forehead as he ever so gently places a small kiss on it. You know he is expecting an answer but you feel as if opening your mouth will also open the floodgates so you simply nod your head. He sighs softly:” Good, good. I also want you to know that if you need someone, you can come to me anytime. Day, night, fucking lunchbreak, I dont care.”

Leaning back just enough so he can see you, Javi gently lifts your chin up with his hand, forcing you to lock eyes with him to make sure you can see that he actually means his words.

“I'm here for you, cariño and I'm not going anywhere, okay?”

“Yeah,” you manage to breathe out, your heart bursting with love and appreciation for the man in front of you. Smiling, satisfied, Javier presses another small kiss to your temple before letting go of you to pour you a new coffee. He adds a large splash of milk, just as you like it and insists on carrying it back to your desk for you. As you make your way through the hallway, just before you walk through the large door that leads into the DEA office, he stops in his tracks, turning to you with a smirk on his face.

“You also know that I'll put everything into getting Raquel fired if she ever bothers you again, don't you?” A laugh escapes you before you can help it and you gently nudge him to go on:” Im counting on it.”

You could swear it's the biggest grin you've ever seen on his face. _________________________________

thank you for reading, you lovely people. and a huge thank you to my friend hannah who wrote me the headcanons that i made into this small story. she is the true genius behind it and an absolutely amazing person, ily <3 comments or feedback are always very appreciated and truly make my day <3

[sokoneedsagun]

Giving batfam songs I think fit them and they would like

Bruce- Lithium by Nirvana (I have to)

(Ok so tumblr seems to really hate links to nirvana songs, so I’m sorry but Bruce won’t have a link, the song shouldn’t be hard to find if you want to find it)

(This is my third time typing this, sorry if it seems like I’m annoyed while I am, tumblr is being fucking stupid tonight) I picked the song lithium for Bruce because of a few lines in particular. The song itself is about a man who is depressed and finds god, but to me it represents how Bruce became Batman and what it did for him. “And just maybe I’m to blame for all I’ve hurt, but I’m not sure” can represent how Bruce hurts his friends and family by doing what he does as Batman, but often doesn’t realize the extent of it, he doesn’t know if he should be blaming himself because he doesn’t know how much he’s hurting them. “Light my candles in a daze, cause I found god” could easily be about how at this point he doesn’t think about being Batman, he just is. Finally “I missed you, I’m not gonna crack” to me is about his no killing rule. Even with how much he misses and loves his parents and kids (especially Jason) after their deaths he refuses to kill, he misses and loves them but he won’t crack.

Dick- Mama by My Chemical Romance

I picked this one for Dick because the song is about a solider going off to war, and when they come home their mother is horrified by the atrocities committed by her child. I think that could fit both Dick and his parents and Dick and Bruce. Dick’s biggest fear is disappointing Bruce, and if Bruce were to find out some of the things Dick has done that’s exactly what would happen. One of Dicks first thoughts after the blockbuster incident is what Bruce would say.

Babs- Malibu by Hole

The song is about how Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain used to talk about leaving LA to go move to Malibu together and get away from it all, and it kind of reminds me of Barbara and Dick, because neither of them would walk away, but I think there would be times they talked about it, but also I think a lot of hole songs would fit Barbara in general.

Jason- Bullet With Butterfly Wings by The Smashing Pumpkins

“Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage, someone will say ‘what is lost can never be saved’” and “tell me I’m the only one, tell me there’s no other one, Jesus was an only son” (and “Jesus was an only son for you) are enough to explain why this fits Jason. (Alternatively for a younger Jason, army dreamers by Kate Bush)

Cass- The Garden by The Crane Wives

Truly if you haven’t listened to this song you really should, the crane wives are an amazing band and so many of their lyrics just read as poetry. But I picked this song for Cass specifically because of the lines “the crows in the garden are laughing at my expense” “hold your light to the darkness in my brain, put your ear to my heart or set your teeth against my throat” or “my darling, the devil knows my name.” To me as a whole the song represents the way that Cass has spent so much of her life being used for others gain (mostly by her father), the line about the darkness in the singers mind reminds me of the fact that Cass doesn’t think of herself as a good person, which is why I think the line is fitting.

Tim- Boys Don’t Cry by The Cure

Tim has had a long history of going through extremely traumatic things but refusing to feel the emotions that come with it, that coupled with the misogynistic writers for Tim Drake in the 90’s made me pick this for him. The lines “I would do most anything to get you back by my side” or “but I know that it’s too late and now there’s nothing I can do, so I try to laugh about it cover it all up with lies” really represented the grief he’s had to go through with loosing friends and family for me.

Steph- give me Novocain/ she’s a rebel by Green Day

Both of them work for Steph really fucking well and I’ve said the she’s a rebel thing before the post just got no notes, both songs are also incredibly underrated and glossed over and so is Steph. (Alternatively so nice, so smart by Kimya Dawson, although to me that more represents her relationship with Tim)

Duke- Class of 2013 by Mitski

Duke lost his family at a young age, he lost the security of having someone to take care of him. Then he had to lead a revolution again, as a child. “Mom, I’m tired, can I sleep in your house tonight?” Represents that to me, because I think after it all that’s what he would want, he would want his family after being as tired as he is. “And I’ll leave what I’m chasing for the other girls to pursue” is also fitting because people refuse to even acknowledge that Duke counts as a Robin. They don’t include him and I doubt that they have many plans to. They want him to leave behind signal and Robin for the rest of his siblings to pursue.

Damian- Bigmouth Strikes Again by The Smiths

Damian has long since been a martyr for both the writers and fandom. He’s constantly used for the benifit of others while also being told he’s a brat or a demon or whatever else anyone would like to call him, he’s a child. He does know how Joan of Ark felt, he’s a child constantly being victimized by people who should be protecting him. The line “and I’ve got no right to take my place to the human race” also fits him in my opinon due to his struggle with finding a way to fit in, in not only Gotham but his own family.

Harper- the kids aren’t alright by Pinkshift

I think the song itself fits Harper’s general attitude towards a lot of things, plus it seems like something she would listen to. But the lines “is it the cramps or was my life always this bad? I don’t know if I’ll ever make it to the other side where sky’s are blue and I don’t have to pay to stay alive” specially were what made me pick it for Harper.

Kate- Topless by The Malefactors

I think this song fits Kate really well, a lot of it has to do with her sexuality and how I interpret the lyrics. Specifically “I think you’re pretty when you’re topless, you know the law can never stop us.” Or “you know I love it how we play friends.”Fits Kate because the law didn’t stop her, she got kicked out of West Point because she refused to hide who she was. Also “I think you love it when I’m upset, like I love your fucking pessimistic mindset” fits her relationship with Renee (Montoya) very well.

This took me forever to type so I hope it turned out ok and I explained everything well, if you disagree that’s fine, you’re allowed to, just don’t be rude about it

[remindingpersephone]

Curveballs

When life gives you . . . stitches? So I had to have a cyst removed from my back and it was a big boy, so it took 13 stitches to close that hole up (there are so many jokes here). The doc said no lifting, no stretching, because stitches on the back (it's actually closer to shoulder) can rip easily. Since I can't get into the pool - healing wound = no soaking - and it's 9,823 degrees outside so no walking, my living room workouts are the only option. But when I do those it's a lot of arm flailing and improvising because I cannot follow choreography to save my life.

Now, there was a time when I would have used these restrictions as an excuse to completely abandon my fitness goals. I would stop all cardio, sit on the couch, eat way too many brownies, and totally derail my fitness progress.

But this time was different. I've kept up with all lower body strength workouts, and for cardio I bought an under-the-desk, mini-bike-peddle machine. Now, no one is going to mistake this for a real bike. But let me tell you I have gotten my heart rate way the hell up on that little thing. And I can keep my upper body stabile so as not to rip those stitches.

I've also been trying out intermittent fasting, although it didn't really start out with that as the goal. I wanted to see if I was eating because I was hungry, or just out of habit/schedule/when I thought I should eat. Also, my 6:30am breakfasts were starting to feel like habit instead of hunger. So I stopped eating until I was actually hungry. Turns out I'm not really hungry until about 11:30 AM. I also stopped eating after 8PM at night. I had always been a late dinner and even later dessert/snacker. Not only has eating mostly between the hours of 11:30am and 7:30pm helped my digestion, it's lowered my overall calorie intake. It's also making me stop and really think if I'm actually hungry before I eat. Do I need that snack or am I just bored? Do I need that treat or am I just emotional? I know the word "intuitive" is over-used these days, but that's pretty much what I did.

Now, I know tomorrow or next week this could all change. I am a person who not only embraces change, but seeks it out. I am always changing things up in small and large ways. Sometimes routines work for me and sometimes they don't. I'm getting better at not trying to force myself to do things just because the generally accepted wisdom says I should. Or the current trends are encouraging this thing or that thing.

Since we're talking about health, I will tell you I've cut way back on my social media consumption. It just got to a point where I was internalizing a lot of what I was reading and watching, and as we all know, a lot of what's on social media is negative. That negativity was having a bigger effect on me than I realized. Until that over-exposure was gone, I couldn't make the connection on some unexpected effects it was having. Sorry, I'm not intentionally trying to be vague. I just can't really explain it other than to say reducing my exposure to the ugliness and fear that perpetuates even Tumblr and Instagram has had a positive effect on my state of mind. This is a long and rambly way of me saying I'm sorry if I haven't been hearting and commenting on my mutuals posts like I once had. I try to pop in when I can, and I really do read what I heart. I just can't consume it at the rate I once did. But please know that I am always here for DMs and you can email me at anindependentguinevere {at} g mail dot com anytime you want to chat or need support. I am here for that always.

Wow, that was way longer than I intended. Hugs and kisses to those you who made it all the way through. Now let's go get some ice cream!

[statiicstag]

[ ooo im seeing a lot of people talking about their alastors and how they handle relationships today makes me wanna join in !! yapping under the cut

i honestly think part of why i was so intimidated to bring my interpretation to tumblr was specifically because of how he handles emotions and how it could be seen as ooc (which I see now why does that matter there's so many unique ways to write this guy lol) in the way that mine is not completely emotionless but oddly emotional and That is what fuels him to be the way he is

mine is mostly fear driven and that I diverged from the finale where he's blatantly freaking the fuck out about nearly dying for the hotel. now the way I read that I honestly think he was just trying to show off by killing Adam and didn't expect to be nearly killed but the fact he'd nearly sacrificed his life for someone else clearly horrifies him, and i don't necessarily think its because of attachments to the hotel but even the vague Idea that, if he DOES form attachments, this is what happens he nearly dies

and i personally think that's the root of all his problems: he doesn't experience love like a normal person, he equates love with ownership (he considers husk a friend canonically yet he has him on a leash, same with niffty he canonically cares for her) i think he thinks he has to force someone to stay by his side or they'll walk away and his care will be tor nothing. and i think he has a very "eye for an eye" mentality—like each party has to be Doing Something for the other party to stay involved, love itself isn't enough. i also truthfully write him as fearful of the hurt that can come with letting someone in and caring about them, because that's a weakness

i think the reason he's so comfortable keeping rosie as a friend and not under his thumb is because she doesn't seek him out? like they have a mutually beneficial relationship for him, he can come and go, vox was Too Much and it frightened him so he self sabotaged the relationship to avoid pain

most people he just wants to be of use to him—he views others like pawns, and if you can't provide either entertainment or some kind of service, you're useless

clearly all this can be pushed past I have several ships on this blog he actually cares for but overall even at the beginnings of those, he sees them as someone he has to sink his nails into and own to a degree (though that can be worked past too). and good luck getting an i love you out of him, its simply not how he operates. anyone whose walked away from him has walked away with claw marks embedded in them ]

[relatableblorbopoll]

Round 1 of preliminaries, group 6

The first two places get a place on the bracket

Little reminder: there will be 2 more rounds of preliminaries, the losing blorbos of this poll still have 2 chances of getting in the official bracket

propaganda under the cut

Jesper Fahey (Six of Crows)

No Propaganda

Crowley (Good Omens)

"He's gender. He's been in love with one guy for literally 6000 years and then royally fucks up his entire confession. He yells at his plants. He drapes himself over every fucking surface he sits on. He walks like *that*. He just fuckin makes sounds sometimes. He's me fr."

Dave Strider (Homestuck)

"everything that can be said about Dave's relatability will probably sound redundant, clichéd, or overdone if you are at all familiar with tumblrs sort of blorbo culture. this is exactly why he should be in this tournament.

stop me if you think that you've heard this one before: he hides his genuine emotions behind a persona, deflects sincerity with jokes, but also has a deep desire for validation and connection, so that his persona has many cracks where little bits of his true self slip through. deeply insecure, compares himself to others. a defeatist streak, avoids responsibility. does not wish to be troubled by The Horrors. he just wants to hang out and do his lil creative hobbies (making music and drawing comics). talks a lot to the point of being pretty awkward, rambling, and accidentally saying stuff he shouldnt.

all these things I think tend to resonate deeply with a lot of people, especially on Tumblr - that "person who is insecure and struggles with emotional openness so copes by making jokes" sort of trope, it's just like kin bait (affectionate). he also has a complicated relationship with gender which I know many find relatable (shout out to the "Dave homestuck was my trans awakening" homies) but whether it's about figuring out gender or sexuality or trauma or the apocalypse or anything else, Dave comes at it with an initial, learned, fear and reluctance that I think a lot of people have experienced, because it's very human and very much a part of many readers experiences (we live in a society). but he's always good, and likeable and that makes for a very important sort of relatable character. very comforting. even if he's a mess and he's an idiot you can believe he can get to something better, and you can watch him develop and grow.

also, I think he's extremely relatable because he never really knows what's going on in the comic either. I mean, that's gonna be relatable to most people Vis a vis homestuck. he's confused and he just wants to vibe and make his friends laugh. WHO AMONG US cannot relate?? I do not believe you if you say no.

I wrote too much and got way too weird about it. I'm sorry it's late I'd edit down but I really don't have the brain capacity.. which is very Dave core of me actually"

Junior (Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race)

"i relate to him a lot because his whole character is being embarrassed of his dad who tries too hard to be cool, but still loves him anyways. that is literally me"

Kim Dokja (Omnicient Reader's Viewpoint)

"kim dokja. oh kim dokja. so, without going into spoilers too much, kim dokja is very much a character you are expected to relate to and it makes the novel DEVASTATING. here's just a few things about him: - he is obsessed with a particular piece of media, and finds comfort in it when real life doesn't give him any. he's constantly thinking about it and defending it and trying to recommend it to other people (even though no one else bothers reading it, because it is an objectively bad 3000-chapter webnovel). even beyond that one novel, he's been using fiction as an escape for just about his entire life, something that rings true for a lot of people, especially in the modern world. - he struggles with socializing with other people. the first chapter alone gave me so much second hand embarrassment. it's so real but god it's So bad. he has zero friends and has that sort of loneliness where you're miserable but you can't really bring yourself to feel anything but resigned to it. in general he is just very Resigned to his unfortunate life and can't fully understand or accept it when it finally does get better - he has a complicated relationship with his mother. it's the kind of relationship where the parent genuinely does love their child, but they fail to give them what they need & have to accept that they hurt their kid and that they cannot be the most important person in their life. it's certainly not a universal experience but those sorts of parent-child relationships are woefully common but scarcely acknowledged -the insecurity. god there is so much insecurity in that man. it's hard to even completely tell it's there at first, because it's so ingrained in how he thinks that you don't question it until you know more about his character and suddenly it's all too apparent. he cannot believe that he can be loved (or, if that he can be, that they certainly would not be able to love all of him, only what he chooses to show them), and is selfless but like. the literal meaning of the word, where he will throw away all of his being for the people he loves. in general there is a lot of sacrifice as a love language which like. while i'm not off around throwing myself in front of magic death beams for people or anything i sure would give up everything i could if it meant helping the people i love - ok enough of that. here's some funny things i can relate to. the guy meets his favorite fictional blorbo and instead of worshipping him instead he bullies him constantly and internally complains about how unbearable he is both in the book and in real life. it's like a "i love my blorbo. i would not last 2 seconds in a room with him." You know. he gets so caught up in his fanon characterizations and biases about characters that he completely mischaracterizes them like constantly. he literally kills a guy half because he was his least favorite character. -this is a poll about blorbo relatability. therefore i must mention that kim dokja too related to his blorbo (or at least attempted to) and what is more relatable than that. anyways. kdj made me realize far too much about myself and is by far the most i have ever related to a character (and i Hate it). and tumblr would definitely relate to him too so :thumbs-up:"

"(SPOILERS) He is literally all of us. Reader. Just some guy. And then insane tragic backstory. But he’s also just some guy. He’s special and also just a guy. He’s also god. He can be shipped w anyone. He has versatility and interests and motivations. He also never tells anyone anything ever. He is so me."

"He reads a trashy, long-ass novel as a coping mechanism and doesn't think he's capable of being loved. Bro dissociates when he's emoting too much."

"I'm a homestuck fan, a Dave Strider fan even Never heard of Omnicient Reader's before Voted for the kim fellow because judging by the propaganda it looks like he himself would be a homestuck reader therefore making him more relatable than the homsetuck character himself"

"This guy’s been my companion since I was 11, I’ve grown up with Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint and I think that’s pretty funny since he grew up with Ways of Survival (the 3149 chapter novel) and therefore I’m straight up mirroring him. I, too, scare everyone off by being too enthusiastic whenever the webnovel is brought up! His insecurities are severe but I do see myself in some parts of him (which is worrying but whatever.) He is absolutely The Guy Ever. Utterly pathetic wet cat of a man. I love him. He represents the crazy fandom tumblrina in all of us."

Donutella (Tokidoki)

"she's made of donuts basically like me at this point"

[aestheticpearl]

— 𝐩𝐭𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐞𝐚

✧·˚ it’s not fair when things don’t go as planned someone ends up getting hurt. xanthus should know that by now and now he must face the consequences.

warnings. heavy angst

a/n: this is a repost because tumblr took it down, so please show as much love on this one as you did the last!! thank you!

your heart was pounding in your ears as you were struggling in audric’s iron grip, trying to free yourself to be with xanthus who was struggling to get to you before he could hurt you. you were terrified, shaking with tears in your eyes, trying to brace yourself for whatever pain was in store for you.

“is this it?! is this your revenge? i told you what happened was a mistake i’m sorry!” xanthus pleaded while still actively struggling.

“what you’ve done cannot be undone lawrence. so, i will do what i must to make you feel my pain. your mistake killed my family, this is my revenge.”

audric’s grip on your wrist tightens and you fear he’ll break it. you look to xanthus, try to find some sort of reassurance that you’ll be okay, but you can’t see any evidence of emotions that would bring you the comfort.

“your quarrel is with me, not them! please audric, they’re all i have.”

“my family was all i had.” audric says coldly before biting his wrist to draw blood.

he takes enough time to let xanthus process what his next move is going to be and watches as xanthus’ face drops at the realization.

“no! don’t do this! love don’t drink it!”

before you realize what, he’s talking about audric’s wrist is pressed against your mouth, unintentionally tasting the bitter blood. after audric knows you’ve had a taste he throws you to the ground hard enough to knock the wind out of you and you hear the sickening crack of your skull on the cement floor.

“love! please! love look at me!” xanthus’ voice is muffled and there’s a ringing your head.

you touch your head to find blood seeping from it. you’re too scared to look for the source of it on your head, you’ve always been squeamish with injuries.

“first dose.” audric states before grabbing you by your hair, you scream in pain. “don’t worry, i won’t kill you yet, i want you to suffer.”

“stop it! you’re hurting them!” xanthus’ pleads fall on deaf ears as audric drags you out of the room while you scream in pain.

the heavy door slams shut and xanthus can hear the automatic lock click, now muffling your cries of pain. he slams his fist against the wall of his cell and holds back tears of frustration. he can feel the pain you’re in and it’s excruciating, if it’s bad for him he knows it’s even worse for you.

“xanthus?”

“i’m fine dontis, i just need to get out of this cell.”

“how are we going to do that?”

“i have an idea.”

your weak body hits the cold ground in a dark room, and you don’t have the strength to move your body to face audric’s large figure, but you watch his shadow loom over you.

“please don’t do this…” you cry out weakly.

“i hate to lie and say it’s nothing personal, but it very much is.” he gets down on one knee and forces you to drink more of his blood.

the dark substance is spread all over your face and it makes you feel sick that your captors blood heals your wounds. you know better though; you know it only so he can inflict more wounds on you without killing you. he’s using you to torture xanthus because he knows hurting you will hurt him more than anything else.

“second dose.” he whispers under his breath before pulling out a notebook and writing something down and leaving the room, letting the door close and lock behind him. you close your eyes and pray that you don’t wake up in the same hell you’re in currently.

unfortunately for you, you awake in the same hell as before. it’s too dark for you to tell if your eyes are even open and you’re unsure if you’re even awake until the door swings open to reveal audric’s figure along with another unknown person.

“feeding time, love.”

the use of the pet name xanthus gave you makes your stomach turn. you struggle to sit up to face him, your whole-body aches in pain with the torture that you’ve experienced. once you properly look up at the two men standing in the doorway, your blood runs cold at the vampire that is clearly starving that audric is holding back without any effort.

“don’t be scared, the pain you feel is only temporary.”

audric let’s the vampire loose as it jumps onto you and starts attacking you, grabbing any limbs it can and biting down harshly on them. it’s like being stabbed over and over again with a knife, you are unsure if they’re even drinking your blood or just leaving puncture wounds everywhere.

your body heals with each dose of vampiric blood but it’s your mental state that is quickly deteriorating. every sudden movement, every unexpected noise has you on edge and you can’t find peace in the darkness of the room you’re kept in, and you fear for what might be in the room with you. you are only human after all.

once the vampire finishes the pain it inflicts on your body you’re roughly pushed back down to the cold ground. the air is knocked out of you at the sudden force, and you choke out a breath.

“audric, please.” you sound broken. “i want to go home.” tears well in your eyes at the mention of home. you’re beyond scared and the thought of being safe again brings you to tears.

“don’t you see? this is your new home, you are never leaving this place; you are never getting out of here…” he lets out a dark chuckle. “…alive at least.”

the pain you feel is intense before audric uses his blood to heal you again. the shock that this is doing to your weakened body only makes you feel worse, you start to wonder if you’ll ever leave this place, and you hope that this pain you are feeling is only from you and not from the bond. you pray that xanthus isn’t as affected by what audric is doing to you. you hope that it isn’t affecting him, that he’s not letting him win by showing that he can feel the pain.

xanthus is very much affected by the torture that you are being put through, he feels every sharp pain, every spike of anxiety that you experience, it rattles him to his very core. dontis tries his best to help his friend with a form of mediation to help him push through and not give audric the big reactions that he’s looking for; breathing exercises are the most helpful and dontis shows his support by breathing through it with him.

a part of him feels guilty for not reacting to your pain. the most he does is flinch at the pain for just a split second before acting as though nothing happened. xanthus tries to count the days by counting each second into each minute into an hour and so on, but eventually he loses count and he has no way to track the time.

time seems to drag on and you do your best to try to fight through the pain that you’re being put through, but your mind feels numb; likes you’ve checked out mentally. this doesn’t go unnoticed by audric and he says it’s time.

“up you go.” audric pulls you up roughly by your arm so harshly that due to your lack of nutrition you know it will bruise badly. “it’s time to see your bond.”

your ears perk up at the mention on seeing xanthus again. you wonder what state he has been left in, hopefully a better one than you.

your weak body is dragged through the empty bare halls that echo the sound of footsteps on the smooth cement floor. a patchy trail of blood follows you due to the open wounds littered around your skin from the last ‘feeding’ session taht audric decided not to heal. the pain from them is numb to you, audric’s control over your mind makes it so, if it wasn’t for what he had already done you would’ve mistaken it for pity but you know better and that he’s only doing it so you don’t fight back.

audric stops at a large bolted shut door and drops the hold on your arm to open it. you hit the ground harder than you mean to, failing to catch yourself. your head hits the cold floor and you hear the familiar sound of cracking and then the warmth of blood dripping down the side of your face.

“bleeding again? gosh you humans are so fragile.” audric spits out while pushing the door open and grabbing your arm to throw you into the room. your rag doll of a body is slammed against a cage that rattles at the force and you swear you can feel your already broken ribs puncture a lung causing you to cough violently and struggle to breathe properly.

“..love?”

xanthus.

his voice nearly makes you burst into tears, it sounds so soft and is filled with concern.

“i must say lawrence, they’re a lot stronger than i thought they would be.” audric pulls you aways from the cage and lifts you to your feet that you can’t stand on without audric holding you up.

your head is pounding and everything is blurry through your eyes, but you try your hardest to focus on xanthus. he’s standing in front of you trying to assess all of the damage that audric has done to you.

“you’re going to be fine love, d-don’t worry. we’ll get you out of here and fix you up.” xanthus’ voice hitches as he looks at the fresh blood on your face.

audric lets out a loud laugh.

“oh lawrence, you always did know how to make me laugh.” he says, readjusting you to be in front of him. “you are never getting out of here.”

you suddenly feel a wave of release wash over you and you realize you can move on your own. the pain shoots through you and grip the bars to stop yourself from falling over. you feel xanthus’ hands cover your own. the small action plus the ridiculous amount of pain your in makes your tears flow freely down your cheeks as you look up to lock eyes with xanthus. his expression scares you even more, he’s mortified at the state your in.

you can’t bare to look at him any longer with that expression painted on his face. your legs fail you and you end up on the ground meekly holding onto the bars still. xanthus quickly gets down to your level trying to see if you’re breathing.

“i-i’m sorry xanthus.” you choke out your words, pushing through the pain just to speak to him. “i’m so scared, i-i tried to be b-brave and i failed.”

“it’s okay love, you’ve been so brave, i’m so proud of you love. you didn’t fail me i promise.” he sounds like he’s pleading with you to stay strong.

“i think it’s time to put them out of their misery, don’t you think lawrence?” audric asks harshly pulling you away from him.

“no! audric let them go!”

audric’s hand grips your hair tightly, making the open wound on your skull bleed more down your face.

“just smell that delicious blood lawrence. you really know how to pick them huh?”

the smell of your blood was driving xanthus insane. he was hungry but it was overshadowed by the anger he felt at the fact you were bleeding and badly hurt.

audric pulls a knife from behind him and traces the sharp blade on your jawline. you can hear xanthus practically growl at the action.

tears roll down your cheeks onto the reflective blade being now held tightly at your throat. you look to xanthus for any kind of comfort and the only thing on his face is panic and soon your blood paints his features as he lets out a horrific scream.

the hurt stops.

then it starts again.

it’s a piercing pain that travels through every nerve in your system and shocks you awake. you’re still in the same room on the floor covered in blood, you see xanthus free from his cage standing over what seems to be a body that you can only assume is audric.

every part of you aches and you sit up from your place on the floor. xanthus sees you move through his peripheral vision and turns to face you.

“i’m sorry.” he apologizes. “i couldn’t save you in time. the bond is broken.”

he looks at you differently, theres no ounce of affection for your in his eyes anymore. you can only see the pain in them and it sends a shiver down your spine.

“xanthus?”

he walks over to you and offers a hand.

“come. let’s find dontis and leave.”

his words are as cold as the hand that you take.

“you’re a vampire now.”

inspired by this post by @belladonnadawn thank you so much for the idea

i think this has been in the works since i saw the post which was like months ago i’m just glad i finally finished it.

.love always <3 pearl

.masterlist

[faulty-writes]

Hello !!! Before requesting anything I just want to say that you're one of my favorite blog on Tumblr and I absolutly love your writing ! Now, could I please request headcanons for Tenya and Mezo and how they'd be with a partner that use to date one of their close friend ? Angst or fluff or anything ! Hope you have an amazing week !

[ Awe <3 I feel special. Thank you for being a fan of my work! I'll do a mixture of both, angst and fluff are fun to write in moderation. I hope you enjoy! ]

It happened after school when you were walking with Ashido, Uraraka, and Kyoka. Ashido had started teasing Uraraka about her obvious crush on Izuku and you blurted out that you dated him over the summer which is part of the reason you had enrolled at Yuuei High.

You should have suspected that word would spread and mistakenly thought that Tenya being the logical and straightforward individual would dismiss the rumors. Instead, he confronted you "I believe it is best to retrieve information from the source, please confirm or deny your previous relationship with Midoriya." Maybe you should have kept quiet.

You never imagined that Tenya of all people could show jealousy, but whenever Izuku happened to be around Tenya would take your hand securely in his or pull you close to him as if trying to show the world or at least Izuku that you were his. When you questioned his actions, he responded with "Forgive me, is public affection, not a normal aspect we should practice in our relationship?"

When you had enough of his jealous behavior, you confronted him. He looked at you with that all too familiar glance and said, "I admire Midoriya. However, I cannot expect to surpass him if I am not prepared to see him as a rival as well and if I am not prepared to prove that our relationship is worth more than what you may have experienced with him," before embracing you for fear you'd turn away.

If there was one thing Tenya did well, it was overthinking. While he didn't want to press the matter or act as though he didn't trust you the thought of you once being with his close friend plagued his mind and his jealousy turned into attention-seeking behavior. He'd constantly initiate cuddling, and hugging, and wouldn't let you out of his sight.

"I know perhaps that I have been acting strange as of late, but I find myself unable to justify the fact you once belonged to a close friend of mine. I...am afraid I am selfish, and I wish to have you and your whole entire heart. Please surrender them to me," he spoke tenderly one night before pulling you close for a much-needed kiss.

"Oh yeah, Y/n and I go way back! I can tell you all the things they like! Including well…you know," Hanta teased one day, nudging one of Shoji's arms. "Oh um…" he didn't think much of it at first, after all, Hanta was mostly talk, right?

Unfortunately, he had come to find out that it was true, you had dated Hanta for a brief time, but you found that you and he had too many differences. He didn't treat you badly by any means, and maybe you were being a little unfaithful when you realized that you had your eye on someone else while you were with him. Of course, that someone happened to be Shoji.

When you confirmed the fact that you used to be with Hanta, it stirred up some negative emotions in Shoji, while he knew he shouldn't compare himself to Hanta. He knew that unlike him, Hanta was handsome and without unsightly scars across his face. How could he expect to compete with that kind of beauty?

Taking his negative emotions out on you was wrong, but they continued to build up until he blurted out, "Did…you date him because he's attractive?" one day. The question caught you off guard and before you could answer, he continued. "After all, he doesn't have the face of a monster," he knew his words might cause a fight, but he couldn't help but speak honestly.

"So, he really said that?" you knew it might not be a wise idea, but you told Hanta how Shoji had been acting since finding out the two of you used to date. "Isn't the reason you fell for him because he has that monster appeal?" he joked and soon regretted it when he received a much-deserved slap. Although he wasn't wrong, you fell for Shoji because he was so different and those scars of his were kind of attractive.

You sensed there was a growing distance between the two of you, and you hated it. You wanted nothing more than to confront Shoji and tell him he was acting childish. Instead, you ended up confessing the real reason why you fell for him. Yes, it was because of his scars but more so his gentle personality and those arms that always made you feel safe when they were wrapped around you.

"Maybe I was being…monstrous," he said, nuzzling his face into your hair and inhaling your sweet familiar scent. "I just…love you and I don't want to share you with anyone," he confessed. Deep down he knew he didn't, and he'd have to make sure it stayed that way.

[thesensteawitch]

What Do You Need To Release This Lunar Eclipse? 🌝❤️‍🔥🌞

~28th of October, 2023

Pick a Pile Reading

(Left to Right- Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3)

Hello, Senstea Souls!

Welcome to another collective tarot reading. I hope you chose your pile intuitively.

Feel free to drop a message in my Tumblr inbox to book a personal tarot reading with me.

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Pile 1

Tarot Cards- The Star, King of Swords, 5 of Cups, 9 of Wands, 10 of Cups, 4 of Swords

Bottom of the deck- The Empress

Charm- Butterly

Hello, my beautiful pile 1. I hear, “I get overwhelmed so easily my anxiety creeps inside of me making it hard to breathe. What comes over me feels like I am somebody else.” During this eclipse, the universe is asking you to release self-doubt regarding your persona. People don't see who you truly are and the need for validation makes you feel trapped. But pile 1 I see how beautiful you are. Maybe some people think that you are weird but it's just that their taste is limited. Sometimes you see your worth and sometimes it hurts too bad when someone else cannot appreciate you for who you are. Who wouldn't like to be loved? It's time to change the way you approach things and the way you have been doing things. You're on the healing journey but all you need is a final breakthrough that finally pulls you out of this cycle of going to and fro from feeling worthy and unworthy. My dear pile 1 your wish regarding emotional fulfillment and being seen is coming true. You will soon finally be able to build strong boundaries and a loving relationship with someone. Someone around you appreciates you so much. This eclipse you are asked to release the grief and ignorance. You've thought enough, you've felt enough. It's time you let go and make the first move if you're hesitant to make an important decision. It's your thoughts and hurt that are trying to protect you from getting hurt again. But I can clearly see that you aren't going to get hurt. This eclipse spend time with the person you love. It can be anyone. Your family, friends, boyfriend/girlfriend. Some of you wished for a certain connection for a very long time and you know it's healthy for you. You're a bit afraid though. Your mind knows that your wish is coming true in front of your eyes but it's your heart that is afraid of some kind of commitment. You're just replaying the old scenarios. You guys wished so hard and it's coming true. And now when the wish is coming true you're afraid. God, your heart! You still have a long way to go but please don't forget that you've come so far. But for what? To give up? Giving up is not in your cards pile 1. For many of you, I see it's love interest but even if it's something else please do what's needed to finally have this wish in your life. This situation is in your hands. Only you can do something about it. Make sure you do what's best for you! After doing so much just don't keep yourself in isolation or on the other side. I hear, “I am a little bit honest. I am starting to fear the things I have wanted. Like hold your hands and talking.” Don't be so arrogant to think that you don't deserve something too good to be true. God bless you, pile 1. I hope everything works out in your favor.

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Pile 2

Tarot cards- The Lovers, 6 of Wands, Wheel of Fortune, The Fool, Knight of Wands, King of Cups

Bottom of the deck- 3 Pentacles

Charm- Key

Hello, my dear pile 2. I see duality in your cards. Some of you seem to be in a dilemma about starting a new journey. Everything depends on your decision. The wheel will move as soon as you make the decision. So I wouldn't suggest you rush because soon you'll get the clarity. Perhaps on the day of the eclipse itself which is on the 28th of October. You've been working on something. For some of you, there is someone involved in what you have been working on. Maybe your decision affects someone and that is why you can't decide. But your cards are quite favorable so I definitely see victory for you, pile 2. A cycle is ending in your life and a new cycle is beginning. Don't let your emotions stop you from starting this new cycle. You'll love what's coming for you after making the right decision. Don't be impatient or competitive. I also see that some of you may have participated in a competition or something and are now waiting for the results. You guys are going to win this competition. Just don't wish bad for your competitors but hope for the best for yourself. But for others, I definitely see emotions that may come in between and you might feel unstable. So think before you act. There's a small tip here that says that you guys are missing a detail. Keep your eyes open. You are so excited about something and also overwhelmed at the same time that you might miss something so important for you to enjoy this victory or a new start. Pile 2, I see confidence in you but I also see that it will only take a moment for you to cross the line and become overconfident. If you apply for a job or something the chances of your selection are pretty good. Remember to use your words wisely. For some of you, I see that your words create magic. And such a gift must be taken care of. Your smile, your aura, and your thoughts are infectious. All you need to do is keep the balance. The moment you make a mistake everything can go downhill. So please release the need to talk unnecessarily or prove your point. Handle situations calmly and keep the balance. You guys are literally one decision away from the success. Keep your calm. Don't burn someone with your fire. Stay away from overoptimism, overconfidence, and overindulgence. Release if such emotions come to the surface and you will see everything working out for you. A new opportunity is definitely knocking at your door. Keep your eyes open. Keep yourself up to date and you won't miss a detail. God bless you, pile 2. May everything work out for you eventually.

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Pile 3

Tarot Cards- 3 of Wands, 3 of Swords, The Magician, Justice, 5 of Cups, The Hierophant

Bottom of the deck- The Moon

Charms- Dolphin, Fairy

Okay, pile 3. The first intuitive thought that I heard was, “Blame's on me.” A group of 3 I see. This is very specific but I feel there were 2 people involved who hurt you. As you choose to see the truth and not let any kind of illusions fool you for a minute, justice will be served. You were hoping for something good out of this bond but at the same time, I also feel that you too could sense that something was wrong. I feel your pain. I see it. Now you are on your own. For some of you, I see that you have already started healing which is amazing! But the hurt is still there. This eclipse is asking you to finally take the leap and sweep all this negativity out of your life. Don't keep a crumble. Though you're healing you're still keeping the story, the narrative, and the hurt. You still play the scenarios in your head and it hurts you. It's doing no good. You may think that you're not a good daughter/son, sibling, or friend. But that's not true my dear pile 3. If you start to let go of ALL the pain now then by the end of Scorpio season you will finally feel free and light. Your heart will again carry the same hope and love for the world. I also see that some of you feel useless. I would highly recommend you to do some selfless service. You'll see how much your presence makes a difference in this world. I hear, “I am still holding on to everything that's dead and gone. I don't wanna say goodbye cause this one means forever...ohh it hurts so hard for a million different reasons. You took the best of my heart and left the rest in pieces.” Pile 3 you feel responsible for holding onto the dead. You're not supposed to keep what's gone. Release it. Transform it into art or something you do. But don't keep it as it is. It will take time for you to release unresolved pain but you must begin this journey of taking EVERYTHING out of the system. From the outside, it seems that you have it under control but if someone asked your heart it would start bleeding again. Let it heal. Every day you touch the same wound. The only way to heal the wound is to stop touching it. Don't discuss it too much with others. Ask how can you heal. Participate in activities with your loved ones. You are halfway on this journey of healing and I am here to tell you that to make it to the end you must accept the truth and heal with the intention and understanding that one day it will only be a chapter in your life, you will be waving it a final goodbye. Just be honest with yourself. You know it's a bit comfortable where you are right now, in the middle, because you are not involved in the situation but you're not completely out of it either. You've got so much anger and hurt in your hurt. I hope you soon come out of this situation. Also, don't neglect yourself and your loved ones. God bless you, pile 3. I hope everything works out for you.

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[ferdieinceladoncity]

I have two million circling thoughts about 'milagro' and no confidence that I can get them out of my head, but it was so intensely interesting I feel like I have to try.

First of all, the most "this was quite obviously written by a man with little to no care or understanding of Not being a man" episode that I have seen so far. To the point that it smacks me over the head. No woman would act like this: you would run, so so far, the second a guy like that entered an elevator with you.

The scene in the church is incredible in terms of how it was acted. The resigned realisation of "god, he's that kind of creep. That's the kind of man he is. He's infatuated with me." the way she starts to cry, overwhelmed with the emotion of it all- the fear, knowing she's in very real danger. It hit me right in the gut.

I do understand what they were aiming with in terms of her character and her infatuation with Padgett. It's not news that Scully is a little bit fucked in the head (as kind as I can put it) and morbid curiosity drew her to his apartment (and, putting her possibly in the running for Stupidest Person ever, self destructive tendencies or not, drinks something he makes her) but the whole scene is almost *too* much. Like. Scully. You cannot be doing this. Possibly the actual scariest/most infuriating scene in the x-files that I've seen.

Then again, I keep yelling that there's no way any woman would be foolish enough to act like this, but she's not a very normal woman. Sorry, it's true. She runs headfirst into these moments of possible self-destruction stemming from her own severe insecurities over whatever her relationship is with Mulder, the circumstances and uncertainty and longevity of which would probably drive *me* a little crazy, especially off the tail end of all the drama of season 6, Diana and all that. I'll do this, I'll get myself into this awful situation, and maybe you'll have something to say about it.

To that end, I'm at odds with wether this is really so 'out of character' or not. I hate to see it. But it makes sense. We can't all be perfect and we certainly can't all make good choices.

Mulder in this episode (because I feel like I should dedicate a paragraph to him even though he's not front and centre) disappoints me a bit. I have at this point read a lot of other reviews of this episode on Tumblr and reddit and heard people praise how "protective" he was, "jealous" was a word used, and generally a lot of focus on the shippiness of this episode, to which I can't agree. He infuriated me just a little. I appreciate that he was down to slap Padgett in the cell and I appreciate that he went to the effort of stealing letters to find his name and all, yet when Scully first talks to him about Padgett after the church scene, telling him he's the one who gave her the milagro and he was frightening, all he has to ask is "do you think he's the killer?" not "are you okay" or anything of the sort. Yes, I know Scully's not the kind of person to really appreciate that. She can hold her own, or she'd like him to think so. Still. From *my* perspective, and this is *my* write-up, and *my* Tumblr blog. And I think it's a bothersome thing to say. Also, I roll my eyes at mulder referring to sex as "the naked pretzel." What's with this guy and censoring himself like he's writing a tiktok comment? Actually, between this and "the wild thing" back in genderbender, maybe he just has some crazy hang-up about referring to scully having a sexual encounter (real or imagined) in a serious context. Interesting.

...That paragraph ended up being longer than my other ones. Loss for feminism on the post that I specifically started because I was fuelled by feminism.

"Agent Scully is already in love" should be for all the world a gleeful revelation and I was quite excited to see it, as I'd heard about this scene long before (MSR gifsets was what drew me here in the first place. I'm shallow like that.) But scully has been so kicked around this episode, stripped of privacy and dignity in every sense and this has been exposed to Mulder and everybody else, that it only makes me sad, because I do wish that Padgett would stop talking to her completely and stop getting around in her head like this.

The end scene just kills me, where the killer breaks in and grabs at her heart. She claws at Mulder's back when he embraces her with such fierce desperation and what I can only assume is a very, very deep well of regret. She doesn't shy away from him caring for her: she needs it.