#i truly dont know what this is but its fine
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sometimes i wish i was one of those artist that make people go "this is a PAINTING???" or "with WHAT programm/medium???" but its just not what i can do or find fun :/
#ganondoodles talks#personal#not really for the attention thing but more for .. work being recognized?#im not sure#to feel more like people actually stop and look at sth instead of skipping over it?#maybe its jsut an internet phenomena(?)#like the way everything is just consumed within seconds and never lasts long and if you miss the trend you are irrelevant#the sort of weird pressure to have to subvert expectations or be exceptionally exceptional just to be recognized ?#(which i know isnt always a good thing lol)#also this isnt a complaint per se more like a thought#like i sometimes wish i was into the popular characters instead of the niche ones etc#that kind of thing#also like i wish i could make art that really speaks to people .. like those that are just so .. interesting and strange and poetic#bc (while i know fanart and silly oc projects arent worhtless) those feel more worthwhile? more worth really being called art?#for soemthing to be truly art it should be either exceptionally skilled or profound like the greatest poets?#im just doing whatever my brain allows me to do- which i know is fine#but i also dont think its inherently wrong to wish for being more than that sometimes#(... maybe its mostly just loneliness without knowing how to find friends)#(especially where i am and especially as i just want a friend to live with - not a partner... i dont want to be this alone forever ...)#(actually ....... what if all my art self consciousness comes from wanting to feel less lonely .. oh dear- no time to unpack that omg)
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there are people who share 0 common experiences with you about the same thing and it doesn't give you the right to tell them that it's not correct
#i hate saying 'not valid' bc i truly dgaf who thinks what is valid or not thats literally the most irrelevant thing on earth#but its really annoying when people position their experiences as 'the true experience' and tell others who talk about their life that actu#actually they're wrong#because Me and The People I Know had a different experience#i rarely relate to people talking about their experience with xyz#i mean.. mostly bc most people on here are from western countries for starters lol#i dont relate! and that's fine! but you also don't get to tell me that i Had To Have That One Experience Everybody Has with [xyz]#i dont... i dont know what youre talking about
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>be me >8 years old >know killing people is wrong >know the military kills people >wonder why everyones so obsessed with how honorable it is to be in the military is and how brave soldiers are when they literally kill people
>be me >21 years old >still wondering this
#text#Ever since i was a little boy i knew i didnt like needless violence and death#And like. if u put a gun in my hand pointed at a random person and said Kill this person and you get free college#i would say. No what the fuck is wrong with you#killing people is bad sorry like there's a LOT more to go into with it but nobody has answered my question from when i was 8#about why its seen as so respectable and honorable to go Fight For Our Country by killing innocent people in the global south#in a way that doesnt seem like they dont see them as People.#I truly dont know at what point of my life i was supposed to go Waitttt maybe killing people is fine if the government says its ok#whatever though what do i know#thats my opinion for the day hope everyone enjoyed make sure to hit the like and subscribe button for a free iphone 4
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I think I need to accept I'm having some kind of episode. Not because it makes anything better, but like. Idk I keep feeling bad that I am having Moments but I'm just not getting any better. I can Not Feel It for a good period of time but them something snaps and it just takes me over. I feel like The Calm is the exception to my rule of misery rn.
#ventings#i think my biggest fear is my friends getting tired of how i am right now and that translating into getting tired of me. which ik is more#of an irrational fear than anything but like. i know it cant be nice being an onlooker seeing me get so upset day after day after being fine#im just. i dont know. there are people who i feel like have Gotten me and i dont want them to feel like their words have been nothing but#i really just feel. like im not somebody anybody cares about enough to worry about. not that i want to cause worry but like . idk man#feels like nobody wants to truly look at me. to recognize every part of me to ask if im okay to care when im clearly not even if i dont#wanna say it. its selfish but as much as i want to scream and cry and cause a scene until Anybody cares i just cant#like a built-in lock that keeps me from opening when im even the tiniest bit too much. and sometimes it feels like thats the best#idk. im gonna have to send this to the discord but ig i do wanna thank the patience and care i have been shown#even if it feels like it hasnt done anything it Has im just. always raw brain will always find a new path of painful thoughts#im worried it will never be enough. but idk time will tell and admittedly im Im The Middle Of What May Be An Episode so. yeah#if i dont show it im sorry. but any care has been appreciated and the words do come through even if it doesnt solve things#i hope i can love back enough to make it worth it
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i have nothing of substance to say in this caption
epicer version under cut
#my post#borderlands#artstuff#jakobs family values#shitpost#hammerwright al fine jakobslock#< it feels wrong tagging this guy here even tho its Him#because a part of me fears someone doesnt want spoilers . for things i havent written yet#but idk lmfao#im not big enough to deserve my own spoiler tags yet#and the hammerwright brainrot is truly eternal#then again even if you dont know of the strangers identity through my blog then. the foreshadowing in what ive written so far should be.#more than enough lolmao#bl3
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this is completely out of nowhere but i think i will be old and gray and it will be pkmn gen 79 and i will still be sitting there in my probable rocking chair saying "oh i cant wait until they make a pokemon special anime"
#man................#it would be so cool#but alas#god fucking imagine tho#this is brought to you by im listening to pkspe vocaloid parodies again#ive tried and failed typing parodies so many times it looks fake to me#michi tag#i dont actually know how many gens they could conceivably make in an average lifespan with the rate theyre turning them out#i think 79 is too many#but its for the bit so its fine#anyways the specific video i was listening to was cocohood + another#love that song#original and pksp version#and i got to thinking abt how batshit the rs chapter was and sapphire and ruby specifically#theyre relationship is like that one reddit comment#that was like ur just enabling each other ur perfect never change just dont inflict urselves on anyone else#except they make their issues everyones issues#i used to be really into uh#damn whats the shipname#omg i used to know all the ship names and i do i swear i just forgot theirs?????#it was something real stupid too#FRANTICSHIPPING#back when ship names were like that lmaooo#oh i hope this doesnt get maintagged oops#ANYWAYS i used to be really into them? but as i got older i was like :/#like truly it was mostly bc they were the only canon couple but also rubys like. EVWRYTHING was so irritating like bestie whatee you doing 😭#anyways where was ingoing with this? good question i dont know <3
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what if i lost the will to live like. as a joke. what then.
#i am fine ftr im just. exhausted haha#NOT to overshare about my personal life too much but my dog is dying. my horse is being given back to his og owner this summer / fall.#my dads kicking me out in two years (in favor of his girlfriend and her kids bc he would rather live w them!!!)#his alcoholism is driving me crazy bc hes treating me like absolute shit and berating me constantly#and stealing from me 🙃#ive lost my healthcare benefits + now have to either raw dog therapy out of pocket or loose my therapist#a therapist that took me a year of being on a waiting list to get in w btw#and idk i just genuinely feel like a loser rn like. im a 23 year old unemployed fat virgin who plays video games all day like. 🧍#where is this going for me. what is the point of it all. in two years im going to be fucking homeless on top of all that#unless some miracle happens bc as is i am too disabled to work.#im just reaching a point where i deeply dont care anymore. whatever happens happens im done fighting it#and ik its the abandonment issues talking here but knowing my dad is planning on abandoning me. 👍#thats two for two on parents leaving me. my entire family has at this point so like truly i cant trust any relationship#like if my PARENTS find me that unbearable. and my best friend who knew me my entire life thought so. then truly every relationship#i ever have is on a fucking timer like. idk if any besties r reading this im sorry i promise this is in no way a dig at yall#bc you guys do really make me feel loved and secure in a way no one else has but. id be lying if i said i wasnt still scared#anyways enough oversharing#i really am fine and safe rn btw like. at minimum u guys r stuck w me until arc*ne season 2 comes out 😂#my post
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anons crazy 4 this one im not sorry. like truly calling it a ZERO out of TEN arc. u must be crazy im not sorry
#listen im a ctommy swords and shields and i dont Love how he's portrayed in a lot of fanon#but the idea that it made the server WORSE. and that it was a 0/10 arc is act crazy . like truly the exile arc was gen really great like i#gen think it was . so well done#also to say that it wasn't worth the discourse surrounding it.#girl its minecraft roleplay. theres gonna be stupid discourse no matter what. like truly#name one arc or even one singular at least mildly popular server that doesn't have stupid asf discourse#like OBVIOUSLY people were dumb about it. that doesnt mean it shouldnt exist.#like the idea of saying that a huge narrative arc shouldnt exist because some audience members couldnt handle it correctly.#like okay sure lets never talk abt anything even remotely nuanced ever again in media. that will fix it.#like ofc some people handled the exile arc poorly. people can't even handle rose quartz#.hellwurld#dsmp#tommyinnit#exile arc#discourse#maybe#idk#im not saying that anon is stupid btw im just saying that im smarter /JOKE.#whatever its the dsmp its fandom its fine that we have differing opinions just know that im right and youre wrong
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People around me seem to think I've got it made right now because I hang around the house all the time and am doing well financially for the first time in my life but don't really seem to get that in exchange for my financial stability I don't have a car or my own place to live or a reliable way to meet friends because I can't have them over or the freedom to buy things that will improve my quality of life because I don't have space to store them I'm treated like an unwanted houseguest by my family and am not at liberty to criticize anyone because I'm only financially stable so long as I don't have to pay rent or utilities
#the amount of money i have in the bank is nice to have except i have to pretend it doesnt exist because i need to use it to buy a car asap#but i cant do that until i learn how to drive which is being stalled to hell by having to inconvenience family members that dont want to#leave the house unless they already needed to go somewhere#everhthing is a service that i should be grateful no matter how reluctantly its given#and i just#im fine until im not and i realize that my life is empty and nobody really truly wants me around here#and i dont know what to do
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Its funny cuz i love seeing spike with dru and buffy but seeing him with harmony made me wanna set myself on fire
#also brought up 'oh my god what if im just another h.armony' insecurities but its fine im fine and i know thats not true#normally i dont like canon ships with my f/os but spikes an exception#bc he is fueled by love he is ruled by it. as he said hes loves bitch#so i like seeing the way he is with people he truly does love#i dont expect myself to be his one and only. but id like to be the Last person he falls for#i want to be his endgame
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UM, ASTER/YAKUMO I ONLY *JUST* FOUND? HELLO?
I've never felt so seen. So represented. Thank u aster. Here are some of my fave lines
#after reading this i had to consult The Chart to see if it lined up with the fic and#well. yeah. guess it did 😂😂😂😂#narration in aster's voice is so wonderfully comedic and snarky i loved every second of it. u manipulative gremlin#WHY IS YAKUMO SO CUTE HE SHOULDnT BE CUTE BUT I WANTNA *knuckles turning white from my trembling iron fist*#what was that picture of yakumo with the comment like [boys with big brown eyes like a baby cow stfu]#yeah that thing. that image was pulsing throughout the fic. intrusive adoring thought#aster sees yakumo's big soulful innocent eyes looking up at him and he's all#i need to slaughter him. i need to pound him into cutlets and distribute him to the masses for insane profit#ah..... is this cuteness aggression...#I NEED TO BULLY HIM. HE IS TRYNIG SO HARD TO BE GOOD I NEED TO#hyperventilates into my pizza box#sipping tea and reading while occasionally yelling out#SO true bestie [aster]. (melodramatic sigh)#idk why it's funny that yakumo squeaks in fic. it is SO FUNNY. hey look it's a squeaky mouse#wait he's a snake? are u sure? dont snake eat mice?...........ARE U SURE HE ISN'T A TINY minuscule RODENT LIVING INSIDE A DAISY? NO???#BIG DANGEROUS BLACK SHADOWY VENOMOUS SNAKE? ok..............sounds fake..........but if u say so........................#i'm fine. i'm not still having a Time of accepting mr serpent into my life. what are u talking about. i am fine.#i am reading words and acting in ways#hahahaaha! how can you awaken something when i already know it's awake??!!#(spoiler alert: i was not truly aware of its awakeness but i've been thinking of this fic for days so i'm pretty sure the awakening is NOW)#(insert pillar men theme) (sighs wearily at my own clownery)
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I luckily haven't been subjected to this brand of fan with my own eyes in a while, but it's hilarious to me how many IDW Megatron fans there are that hate the shit out of IDW Optimus (or any Megatron/Optimus in general) especially when they themselves are MegOP shippers. Like they'll be like "errrrmmmm Optimus is a cop fuck him he's literally evil" babe your fave is a literal dictator and a colonizer who didn't even treat his own Decepticons respectfully but IDW OP being a cop is so unforgivable? Or are we selectively applying the standard of "this is bad IRL therefore any fictional character who is X is also bad"? Megatron said he was sorry and regrets what he did but I guess you didn't read the parts where Optimus was also sorry/had regrets for what he did so that means it doesn't exist?
That or they do some crazy ass mental gymnastics to be all like "oh uh ermmm Optimus is evil because he said something mean to someone and punched them [casually fails to mention or explain the context at all]" but then with Megatron they'll turn around and be like "here's how Megatron colonizing planets was actually just him doing what needed to be done to ensure the survival of his race, also when Megatron becomes an Autobot here's how the people on the Lost Light are actually oppressing him for telling him to stop being a fucking asshole" [paraphrased versions of takes I have seen with my literal own eyes]. Like idk I feel like it's only-reads-MTMTE syndrome striking again or something? People probably don't read enough about Optimus to know the context of what he did AND they're laboring under the MTMTE illusion that Megatron was only kind of a bastard but was really good at heart, so in combination they just decide to be absolutely unhinged and say shit that isn't remotely true? Idk
Like damn you people are weak and your takes are trash. If you're gonna defend or hate a character at least do so based on accurate information from canon instead of making up weak bullshit on how Optimus sneezing on someone by accident makes the Autobots evil incarnate and how Megatron doing unspeakable crimes was just a little oopsie/him doing what had to be done. Couldn't be me.
#squiggposting#negativity#i'm aware that i'm being an asshole but ive also had this conversation many times in private#with people pointing out this shit still happens lmao#like if youre normal about the fictional war criminals even if you dislike OP that's fine#this post is about people who. dont know what theyre talking about and make unfortunate justificstions#for their shitty opinions#i guess if this offends them i dont want them on my blog anyways lol#some ppl are just like truly unable to cope with the fact that they like an evil asshole#and they have to be like HERES HOW MY EVIL ASSHOLE WAS ACTUALLY THE GOOD GUY THE NARRATIVE TRIED TO SLANDER#if any other character is complex or morally gray or an asshole its fine#but everything bad about your precious megsy is wrong#and everything thats even a pinch of OP's fault makes him scum of the earth#again i see this even with ppl who ship MOP and i'm like. why are you even here#you hate OP so bad and think hes an idiot and want him to grovel for M's forgiveness#why do you even ship MOP. that's not MOP that's just you using#OP as an accessory who you barely care about to ship with your actual fave M
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its time for yet another brain game of am i like fully neurotic or was this genuinely not a cool situation . prize is jack shite and yet im playing anyways👍
#j.txt#vent#just like. to preface. im not bringing any of this up im just going to stew in it for the night and then move on as per usual#alright disclaimer made now i can get to the point. So. tonight is my close irl friends bday right but she didnt tell me about any plans#so i naturally assumed she was gonna do her own thing and not really celebrate. Ive had work all day and while working get a text frm her#asking if we want to go to this restaurant i introduced our group to for dinner. so i respond saying oh im off at this time if yall want to#go even tho its late i can. Never get a response so i assume theyll bring it up when i get back. get home and no ones here not a word abt#whats going on. i do my usual unwinding get ready to chill etc which takes abt half an hour. she comes back with our other mutual friends#and theyve already gone to the restaurant which is fine i get it. but they get back and say oh now we're going to this themed music night at#a club we've all been to before as soon as (other friend) changes. and then just. dont offer for me to come along or anything and leave.#which like. whatever its happened a hundred times before im used to it but Still. does it not even occur that I might want to participate??#if i had Any notice that this was happening I could have been getting ready instead of slacking around waiting for someone to get home#its so. i try extrememly hard not to be a downer or just invite myself to things bc I Know this is how they all operate but it does still#sting that it feels like im not even thought of if i dont happen to be in the room when plans are being made lol.#and obv I am Not bringing this up rn and ruining what im sure was a really fun night for all of them#its just truly a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation yknow. but such are the whims of fate and i shall endure as always✌️
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sometimes i get so anxious when something goes even slightly wrong when sming but then im like Ah well. i literally cannot do anything if im not told the information<3
#like first reh i was like Hey so some of the kids are too young to know their parents contact and the person was like thats fine dw#so i assumed that. the school was passing along the information to the parents bc we have like school admins in the reading#but i was still like Erm. so last night i checked with the big guy at the theatre and he was like WHUH? THOUGHT WE TOOK CARE OF IT#like NO THE OTHER PERSON ABOVE ME JUST SAID ITS FINE!!!! WHAT DO YOU WSNT ME TO DO!!!!#i got all the contact quickly this morning and like one kid has a conflict for the first reading tomorrow but im like OK.#also the contact sheet was supposed to be taken care of before i even got there. thats what i was told.#whateverrrrrr. they put me in a situation. they dont even truly need me bc they have the big guy and the other girl there but#they dont want to be the person sending an email every night or having to print the new script pages#which is FINE but you GUYS STILL HAVE TO TELL ME STUFF.#grrrrr#whatever last reh tonight and 2 readings tomorrow. easy.#news with isaac
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SEL PLEASE LOOK AT THIS
https://x.com/BIGDADDYGOJO/status/1704382923409907962?s=20
zuro anon
zuro anon omg u are gracing us again !!! 🥺 how are u now that it's settled a bit omg hsjdbgjg 😭
this link saying more hints/theories to support that it isn't ovER !
thank u for sending this in sgdvasjzgxb
#nonie.zuro#ask#rep#i was rlly emotional the entire afternoon and i feel like i went thru all the stages of grief in the span of that time until now bgsh#but i think i am .... just resigning myself to waiting until next week again or smTH !#bc i truly feel like... it is so anticlimactic if we dont even know how sukuna got to him 😭😭😭#like its not just me right there rlly wasnt a battle scene showing it 😭😭😭#and the last we saw of gojo he was FINE sjdhgbjsa bETTER THAN FINE ???#so i was honestly a lil bit very CONFUSED#like what happened in between 😭#anyway ! as usual thank u zuro anon !!!!!#jjk spoilers#jjk 236
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its honestly so pathetic how hard i struggle to keep up with everything down to the most basic things and i just wonder when or how that gets better
#i can’t keep up with my bills i’m literally ruining my credit being forgetful my apartment is a mess i just realized i havent eaten in#almost like 3 days i think i’m horrible at taking care of myself i’m horrible at keeping up with people no matter how much i care#i feel like using work as an excuse isn’t valid for how badly i’m doing with everything plenty of people work this much and do fine#i have so many days off bc the long days when i do work like why am i not getting better?#all i do is mess everything up and miss things#i’m so fucking bad at being a person its a waste to know me#genuinely dont know how much longer i can live like this but also really dont know what to do#its truly a shame that i’m in charge of my own life i feel like all i do is wait for everything to end
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