#i tried to warn you

[active-mind-15]

Headcanons for Akashi when he's sad 😔

I did a cute one last night for Akashi laughing, so I thought I'd flip the script and break y'alls hearts rq with some headcanons I have for when Akashi isn't feeling all too great.

First of all, let's start with any canon material we have of Akashi being openly sad. There really isn't much. The only times we see him like that in the main series are at his mother's funeral as a child during that flashback, and then directly after he lost to Seirin. Even with the second instance, he tried to hold in his tears as best as he could and still put on a brave smile to go and shake hands with Kuroko. Aside from that, the only other instance I can think of is during the drama CD (season 3 volume 9) where he had a bit of an argument with Murasakibara.

Canonically, we know why he is almost never openly sad. With such high expectations placed on him by his father, the superintendents of Teiko, and even himself, showing sadness was a form of weakness. This is why, despite the fact that he was clearly overwhelmed with too much work throughout his entire childhood, he never complained. His father likely drilled that mentality into him to just suck it up and keep it pushing, because Akashi wasn't even allowed time to process his grief after losing his mother, the only support system he ever had. With this information in mind, let's get into my headcanons.

First of all, what makes Akashi upset? The first thing I can think of is his massive workload paired with the high expectations placed on him. There are probably some days when all of it is just too overwhelming and he gets stressed out, worried that he won't be able to handle it all. Whenever Akashi switches personalities in the series, it's always during a crucial basketball match. But I personally feel like if he's stressed with work all the time, he's constantly teetering on the edge of dissociating but ends up not. I can imagine him in his dorm after a long day of school trying to finish assignments late into the night, and he's desperately fighting to remain present and in the moment. It probably happens more than people think, and to avoid giving into his other self and letting him take over is something he has to do on a regular basis.

The second thing is when he feels like he hasn't been a good friend. Post-Winter Cup, Akashi tries really hard to reconnect with Kuroko and the other GoM more than he used to back in middle school. And given how he had to salvage his friendships with his former and current teams after almost ruining them both, post-Winter Cup Akashi is probably very insecure about his own ability to be a good friend to others. For example, in season 3 volume 9 of the drama CDs when he and Murasakibara had a quarrel, Murasakibara mentioned that Akashi had no idea how he felt at all before hanging up the phone. That comment stuck with Akashi, so much so that all three of the Uncrowned Kings noticed and essentially staged an intervention in the clubroom because Akashi looked so visibly bothered that it freaked them out. You can tell that he cares about his friends as well as what they think of him. He wants to be someone they can trust and depend on, but when he feels like he's missed the mark, he gets upset about it each and every time because, really and truly, he's trying his very best.

What does he look like when he's sad? The thing about Akashi is that he still sometimes has trouble letting himself be upset because he's busy and has no time for breakdowns (probably why he prefers to dissociate instead since he'd rather just detach himself from reality and not feel anything at all). As a result, he tends to bottle a lot of things up until they all spill out later, and I can see it manifesting in two ways.

1: panic attacks. With what this boy has been through, it would not surprise me in the slightest if he ever had panic attacks. If he somehow managed to avoid them throughout his entire childhood, then I think his first panic attack would come after losing the Winter Cup finals because this is the first time in his life he's ever lost at anything and he feels like his entire world is falling apart. He'd probably be hit with an overwhelming fear of what would happen to him after losing the finals, especially with how much his father emphasized victory and success over everything. And the idea of being a disappointment and disgracing his family name would probably just tear this poor boy apart. And these panic attacks are not pretty. He's hyperventilating and gasping through sobs that he desperately tries to quiet to no avail, and he trembles so badly that he can barely keep himself upright. Not good at all.

2: full system shutdown. Maybe I'm projecting my own personal experiences for this one, but I think if there was a day when he was just so stressed and tired or maybe he got news that was so devastating, his body would refuse to cope and he would just... switch off. That could mean sleeping in the middle of the day for long stretches of time because he can't handle being awake, and then when he is awake, his mind is static and he's totally nonverbal, normally for several hours. Also not good at all.

The only person who's ever seen him in the middle of either one of these types of breakdowns is Mibuchi. The first time was accidental because Akashi didn't have the foresight to lock the door at that moment. But after Mibuchi is able to calm him down/bring him back to reality, then for every time after, Akashi will actively seek out Mibuchi if he feels like he's on the verge of a breakdown. Eventually, he opens up about it to the other Uncrowned Kings and they're very supportive and tell Akashi to let them know if there's any way they can help him (he actually has to hold back tears for that).

I have a separate headcanon that post-Winter Cup Akashi eventually starts going to therapy because he realizes he could really use it, and so I would think with time, he develops better coping mechanisms and also knows how to calm himself down before getting to the point of a breakdown. (He still seeks Mibuchi out, though, cuz sometimes he just needs a hug. Is that so wrong?)

He also learns to just experience his emotions as they come and for what they are. Positive or negative, either way, all emotions are valid, and instead of hiding from sadness, you should feel it and then let it pass. Through that, he's able to make peace with himself and not be so hard on himself anymore.

Anyway, I have no idea where to end it, so I'll leave it here because I'm literally falling asleep as I write this. I need to go to bed. For anyone who I've punched in the gut with these headcanons... I'm not sorry. Bye now! 😃

[tai-janai]

YOU DID

LITERALLY EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID THE FIRST TIME

you go down with no knife

you ask her some questions

you do not doubt her in the Slightest

you start trying to free her

NO WONDER SHE JUMPED YOU BEFORE THE CYCLE WAS FULLY REPEATED. SHE DIDNT WANNA WAIT AROUND TO GET STABBED AGAIN

THANKFULLY SHE COULD SEE THAT IT WASNT YOU

BUT SHE ALSO COULDN'T TELL WHEN IT WAS.

[skrunksthatwunk]

we have finally watched some more yyh and we stopped on ep 88. call me jorge saotome bc my balls are blue 💀💀💀 spoilers spoilers ANYWAY my DAD my FATHER was like ok let's check how many eps are left in the fight when i Told Him How Many Were Left and i've told him (and my mom) dozens of times not to do that bc the episode titles can be really spoilery and what do you know he does it anyway. and so of course Everybody saw "the death of a spirit detective" plain as day like COME ONNN FUCKK

[darth-maya]

The song of the day is

Madison Beer - Sweet Relief

Today's song is coming real early as instead of sleeping in writing this because I refuse to be normal about this album.

This song fucking rules and is an immediate front runner for my favorite song on the album. It's too early to tell but right now I can't stop listening to it

[taz-drgaone]

*kneels and touches the ground* something bad happened here.

[bobwess]

The most satisfying thing about quitting my job at the cafe was seeing it crash and burn a month later in the exact way I predicted.

[likeabxrdinflight]

I always talk to my parents on Saturday mornings and usually its both of them, but this week my mom had a thing so it was just me and dad

And I gotta say it is occasionally very nice to just talk to my dad without mom there, because we can bitch about her insane extended family and realize no, we're not the unusual ones here without my mom constantly justifying and defending their behavior...

[static-rayne]

Everyone to The Hole ™️ , chop chop

[hurryupmerlin]

YOUR TURN! So who's Avinion? (:

@riinoaheartilly Oh jesus christ. Buckle up.

Well, what kinda OC could a 15 year old fangirl potentially make? That's right: a fucking vampire mary sue.

Avinion's this old-ass vampire who's got it all: The youthful looks, very androgynous, white hair, freakish eyes, pale skin (basically albino), rolls a 20 in deception whenever he pleases. He comes from a French royal purebred family of vampires. He hates his father but lives in the family mansion anyway because that's what all the clan members do and also because it pisses his father off to no end when he sleeps with his boyfriend in their four (too thin) walls, lol.

And when I say boyfriend I mean soulmate. These two can feel when the other is close, there's a buzz in the air when they meet and they speak their own language, it's disgustingly perfect.

Everything could be nice and fluffy but then Viktor goes "I have to save my child!" (the child in question is a young man named K who's deaf-mute and got sired by Vik a few years prior). And ofc Vik straight up gets himself into the same situation K is in and he has no Plan A to begin with and no chance of ever getting them out, because he's just about 100 years old which makes him still wet behind the ears in vampire terms (he used to be a regular human). And after a few ages of pining, Avinion is like "wth does this take so long" and searches for him, only to get into the. exact. same. situation. K and Viktor are in, and then on top of that he finds out Viktor miiiight have kind of... got himself a side-chick?! And he's like "you have got to be kidding me, ughh fine, I'll adopt her too".

And that's it. I never finished their story because honestly, I might've brought them into that mess but that doesn't mean I have any idea how to get them out of it.

[carrot-cat17]

The face of a man who did not realize my increasingly round belly was going to turn into a tiny human that cries all the time

[maggot-meade]

who said squirrels aren’t carnivores

Skull chewin!!!!!

[icaruspendragon]

something the women in my family are absolutely flabbergasted by every time it comes up is the fact that i don’t own a scale.

“how do you know how much you weigh??” they cry.

“i don’t.” i simply respond.

“you look thinner, have you lost weight?” they ask at christmas.

“i dunno.” i say as i check on the turkey.

“you look bigger, have you gained weight?” they probe, as if my weight rests on their shoulders.

“i’m not sure, but it’s fine if i have.” i respond with a casualness they cannot comprehend.

“don’t you want to know if you’ve lost or gained?” they inquire over cups of coffee and a plate of untouched cookies.

“i do.” i take a sip. “which is why i don’t need to know.”

“we don’t understand.” they say.

“i’ll drive myself mad if i know. it’s been a question i’ve been looking for the answer to since i was in the seventh grade and my weight was the topic of conversation for the first time; the stretch marks on my calves puberty brought being questioned and condemned. and so i started weighing myself once a day. then twice a day. i gained weight as i grew and was told to stop. i got depressed when i was 16 and the weight i gained was more concerning than the scars on my thighs. the critiques turned to compliments during my first year of college when i’d started skipping meals and my body had to feed itself because i wouldn’t. everyday i stepped on the scale and smiled as i watched that number get smaller and smaller. hunger felt like victory. i started doing drugs that took away my appetite and then my strength. and started feeling guilt when my stomach felt full. and suddenly every time i looked in the mirror i hated what i saw. the more weight i lost, the better i was supposed to feel. each remark on another part of my body lost felt like a slap to the face. i was told i looked good but i knew i wasn’t good enough. and so i tried harder. and then i started to get dizzy when i stood. and i ignored it like i’d learned to ignore my hunger. and then one day at work i dropped like the weight that was never enough after i bending at the waist to grab a milk cap from the floor. and when the darkness faded, i was surrounded by panic as an ambulance was called. and then i was tested and prodded and poked because they thought something was wrong with my heart. and the problem persisted but they never found out why. but i’d known all along. and then i left home and its scale behind. and moved into a new home that was mine. so i bought plates and sheets and art for the walls. but i didn’t buy a scale. then every time i walked down an aisle i’d see the them and pause. and i’d think about the hunger i now kept at bay. and even though i didn’t know how much i weighed, i didn’t notice my body had changed. and i’d think about how i hadn’t been dizzy for months. and how i hadn’t fainted for longer. and then i’d keep on walking. and now most days i like how i look.”

“but don’t you want to be skinny?” comes their quiet response.

“i want to be myself in whatever body i have.”

they stare in disbelief. so i shrug my shoulders, and grab a cookie. and i smile at them as i swallow the first bite.

[egophiliac]

I love your unhinged energy of your comics it's just *chef's kiss"

I wanna ask how you rig your chibi characters if you use a program or an app ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ

thanks! 💚💜💚

I use Spine (professional version)! I'm pretty sure it's the same program the Twst devs use for the chibis; I decided to try reverse-engineering 'em basically because my license was just sitting around gathering dust, and I thought it'd be fun practice (this was before I tried to rig Meleanor's cape). it is an industry-standard program and, unfortunately, is priced accordingly, so it's a bit expensive if you're not planning on using it professionally -- there is a free trial, though I think you can't save/export anything in it? BUT it is truly excellent and can do a ton of super cool stuff, plus is genuinely just fun to mess around in, so I 10000% recommend it to anyone who is serious about getting into 2D rigging!

behold...the BONES...Najma and her billion discrete tassels...don't pay attention to all the extra bones from my desperate attempts to control Meleanor's meshes

[hanase]

I am obsessed with Atem right now. It's been going on for a few months. There's a story here but I can't write for shit. I'll upload a lot more soon!

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Reasons to play In Stars and Time: Canon Pronoun Warfare.

[agentc0rn]

oh man...2 decades on earth...wow.