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stxleslyds · 3 years ago

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What do you think about the theories that Jason was sexually abused as a child? Or even possibly while he was comatose after his resurrection?

Implications of this theory include his conversation with Mia (Speedy) and Bruce's message (Battle for the Cowl). In addition, when he was Robin he expressed what was then considered uncharacteristic rage towards the perpetrators of sex crimes.

Garzonas - unrepentant rapist who got no consequences

When a woman killed her sister's rapist and murderer (because Batman's evidence was not admissible in court), Batman said that she went too far with murder. Jason's disagreed with "Good riddance". Good for you, Jason.

His recklessness when dealing with a child sex trafficking ring.

I highly doubt that DC would ever confirm this theory. I would rather they leave it ambiguous because I don't trust them to not botch Jason... much less respectfully address the subject matter.

I have read so many thoughts on Jason that they're starting to blend together. So I apologize if you've already answered this before.

Hello friend! Aside from the fact that I took way too much time to answer your ask, this was also a hard question to come up with an answer to, I wanted to remain respectful of the subjects at hand even though I don’t second this headcanon. But before we keep going, let me put some trigger warnings in this post.

trigger warning: mentions of sexual abuse, child abuse, rape.

First, I would like to bring up these two concepts because I oftentimes mix them up when talking about these “ideas”.

Theory: a supposition or a system of ideas intended to explain something; an idea used to account for a situation or justify a course of action.

Headcanon: Headcanon generally refers to ideas held by fans of series that are not explicitly supported by sanctioned text or other media. Fans maintain the ideas in their heads, outside of the accepted canon.

I think the idea of Jason having been sexually abused at any point in his lifetime is a mix between a theory and a headcanon. Why I am saying this? Because as you have put in the ask, there has been instances where fandom has found pieces of information that they have considered the base of this idea.

So, if we say that there is a piece of text that might support that idea and they build from that to justify a course of action we would be looking at a theory. In this case Jason having been abused would the reason as to why he acts in that strong and violent way towards cases of sexual abuse/harassment.

In the other hand those pieces of text might not support that idea so fandom headcanons that idea in order to build another layer to a character, in this case Jason having been abused would also justify his actions towards certain criminals.

The “text” (panels, issues, mentions) are most of the time ambiguous, which makes readers have different perspectives in what is being written and what then is made into a theory or headcanon.

Personally, I don’t like this theory or headcanon for various reasons (which I will explain later in the post), and I have read and understood those moments mentioned as Jason just having survived Crime Alley as something general, I don’t think he suffered that kind of abuse but I think he was made aware of that type of behaviour every day that he spent alone in the streets and that why we saw Jason in Batman #408 saying that he had “graduated a long time ago from the streets of crime alley”.

Having said that, I do understand that some of the moments mentioned can be seen as ambiguous and that’s what leads people to theorize/headcanon that idea, because of that I would like to show the panels mentioned in your ask so everyone can read them and make up their own conclusions and then I will talk about the reasons why I don’t like this particular theory/headcanon.

As Robin:

Batman (1940) #422

In these panels we can see Jason as Robin jumping in to defend a woman that was being attacked by a man. There I only see Jason acting like a vigilante would, maybe he was hitting too hard or whatever but Batman has hit people as much as Jason was doing it this time around, plus I, personally, don’t see any kind of problem with Jason beating a man that was harassing and threatening a woman with death.

Right beside we have Jason being on the side of the woman that killed her sister’s attacker. He didn’t see any problem with that woman seeking justice for her sister on her own when the police, Batman and himself couldn’t get the job done.

Here I see Jason having a big problem with authorities and justice system, which is not something new, in Batman #408, Jason says very clearly that he doesn’t trust the system in Gotham (the police, social workers and such), and he was also shown in that comic talking very fondly about his mother and about how much he cared for her when she was at her worst. Let’s remember that Jason loved his mother, he took care of her and resented his father for being abusive towards her and even introducing her to drugs.

Instead understanding these panels as Jason having been abused himself, I see it more as Jason having a humongous understanding of how much women and others suffer in Gotham due to the justice system’s lack of action. I also see Jason as the kind of boy that respected all women and could not sit and do nothing when people were hitting and abusing women just like his father did to his mother.

Batman (1940) #424

This issue starts by saying that Jason jumps into action as soon as he hears someone scream but that he wasn’t going to be prepared to see what was happening. This is the issue where all of us meet Felipe Garzonas, the abuser and rapist of many women. At first Jason doesn’t know what Felipe was doing but after he and Batman “defeat” Felipe, he goes to the room where he finds Gloria in a bed badly hurt and scared. Jason is shocked when he first finds her and after hearing her story in the police station, he becomes more and more happy about the fact that by having caught Felipe, he and Batman would be able to offer some peace and justice to Gloria after he goes to jail, but that doesn’t happen.

They had all the evidence to put Felipe in jail and the police could easily see that Gloria was the victim but because Felipe had someone to back his made-up story up, he was able to not be arrested and jailed.

Jason once again is baffled at the lack of action by the police or simply justice not being able to be made in favour of the true victim. Batman even says that he has noticed that Jason “had become to emotionally invested with the case” which could favour either idea (Jason having suffered sexual abuse or not), in my case I see this once again as Jason not being able to remain calm after doing everything to keep that woman safe and the justice system not being able to do it themselves in a more permanent way (jail time, or whatever).

But that’s not all because Jason being too emotional with that case was brought up as a way to show that Jason couldn’t see that Felipe had been under the influence of drugs, which is something that Jason can see in people very well (do to experience with his mother and his training with Batman). So, Felipe is now a rapist, an abuser, he does drugs and he also has a market for it.

Because Felipe was allowed to go back to his “normal” life he had Gloria be killed, and he kept abusing drugs and women, when Jason finds Gloria’s dead body and that Batman still seems to abide the justice system he snaps. He goes alone to see Felipe and that’s were this iconic panel comes from. The moments before Jason made his first kill and felt no remorse about it. I know this is kinda soft topic because Jason was a teenager, but good for him, kill that bitch. Gotham doesn’t need more people like him.

Batman (1940) #226

This is the issue where Jason attacks the men that were involved with some very nasty stuff involving children. Batman narrates and says that him and Jason had been working on this case for three weeks. Jason jumps into action suddenly and “recklessly” even though Batman considered their investigation wasn’t over, he also says that he thinks that Jason had been “acting oddly” and that he was very “moody, resentful and reckless” and that that attitude could “get him killed”.

This could be used as to add more proof of the abuse idea but I actually see it as build up to Jason’s death, that happened two issues later. Let’s remember that Jason found out of his birth mother and was desperate to find and save her from Joker, because he was a good son but also because he didn’t feel like Bruce loved, cared or appreciated him anymore. Ever since Jason made it clear that he didn’t see the world and justice in the same way that Batman did back in issue #422, Jason and Bruce’s relationship suffered, they just couldn’t see eye to eye on some subjects and Bruce’s neglect or lack of care for what Jason believed in drove Jason to act the way he did in the case involving his mother and the Joker.

Jason obviously has major issues with kids being abused and put in dangerous situations, he as the Red Hood (Winick’s Red Hood) is the same, he really wants kids to be taken far away from drugs so they cannot be manipulated, used and abused by Gotham’s Drug Lords. Here I can see some of the same thing, Jason being protective of those kids and getting fed up with how much time he and Batman had to wait to do anything about the subject, along side it I bet Jason wasn’t seeing the police or the justice system doing anything about the whole thing so that could have probably fuelled his desperate attack of those horrible people.

As Batman/Red Hood:

Batman: Battle for the Cowl #3

Battle for the Cowl… yeah I am going to be brutally honest about this, if anyone thinks that this is someway or somehow proof that Jason had been abused in the past then I think we have very different ways of thinking how survivors must be treated or written in comics and other media.

This to me is pure bad writing, this is some of the worst things I have seen being written in comics. Whether or not this implies Jason being abused or not, Bruce’s message is absolutely disgusting and not at all helpful, it is even worse when you realise that Dick, a canon sexual assault survivor, is the one playing the message to Jason even though Jason explicitly said that he didn’t want to hear it again. That Book, issue, page and panel are extremely badly written and is one of the most terrible Jason and Dick characterizations ever.

So, I don’t really care if this panel is supposed to offer support to that theory or headcanon, I really dislike that speech and if it is actually referencing Jason as being a survivor of child abuse, then Tony S. Daniel needs to make an apology from today to the day he dies.

“Of all my failures, you have been my biggest” “You were broken and I thought I could put the pieces back together. I thought I could do for you what could never be done for me. Make you whole” “What happened to you as a child… the terror, the pain, the horrors” “You needed repair and instead I gave you an outlet to act out on”

Absolute garbage writing. Me, as Bruce is number one hater, know that that speech is even out of character for Bruce. Listen, if Jason had been a victim of sexual assault or just being a kid living alone in Crime Alley, no one should leave a message like that, telling a victim that they were broken and needed fixing, what the hell? No, thank you, this issue proves nothing except that Battle for the Cowl was a mistake as a whole.

Green Arrow (2001) #72

Judd Winick is clever I will always say that, and while I do see why people think that Jason is making the “child abuse idea” canon I still think that the way that he talks is still fairly ambiguous if not just him playing mind games with Mia.

I know it sounds wrong, but hear me out, Winick, in this arc makes Batman say that Jason distracted him and Oliver just to take Mia as a “hostage” because that was Jason’s way to mess with him. This arc happens right after UtRH and Jason is a bit more unhinged than ever. But he doesn’t harm Mia, he just talks to her, he tries to make her see why he acts the way he does and to do that he talks about how much he sees of himself in her. Do I believe that Jason suffered the same things Mia did? No. Do I think that their past is similar? Yes.

But Jason doesn’t only use the fact that they have similar pasts to make Mia rebel against her “no killing ways” and Oliver like he did with Bruce, but he also brings up the fact that their past is incredibly different to the lives of Bruce and Oliver, and that those differences are of importance.

Maybe it’s just me, but I didn’t see Jason bringing Mia’s past for anything other than manipulating her and kinda make her see Oliver in a negative light the way that he does Batman and Bruce. Jason was at a point in his life where all he wanted to do was deliver the same pain that he had gone through but he didn’t do it by physically harming anyone (Mia was left unscratched), he was just out there trying to play mind games so he could break more havoc in Batman’s name.

Mia’s past is just way too different to whatever we have seen in canon from Jason’s past. Maybe I am wrong, after all, I only read about Mia in that arc.

With all that having been said I think it’s pretty obvious that I just don’t think that Jason’ having been sexually abused as a child actually happened, and I also don’t like to think about his past in that way. His canon suffering could have made him act that violently against criminals involved with sexual attacks and drug-related crimes, but I also think that’s just how Jason was, he really disliked the justice system in Gotham and saw how much it failed to protect victims, so now that he had the training to help those who couldn’t do it for themselves, he tried his best to bring criminals to justice.

And when that didn’t work, he grew more and more frustrated with Batman’s methods which led him to be more unforgiving and violent.

I also don’t like the theory/headcanon as a whole because I think its one of those things that Fandom comes up with just for that extra angst factor in their favourite character’s story so they can make him suffer more and because of that no other Robin or character as a whole can ever understand his pain or whatever. In this fandom there is a lot of “competitive trauma” going on and I honestly dislike it a lot.

About Jason having been assaulted while he was in a coma, I don't really know, he was at a hospital for what I believe were six moths, maybe that idea comes from real life happenings but I have never thought of that happening in Jason's life and I would rather not give it much more thought.

Also, I believe that DC just like fandom would have never been able to handle the subject of Jason having been a sexual assault survivor with the respect and care that it actually needs. We have seen DC treat sexual harassment and abuse as nothing but a side plot or bringing it up in an extremely disturbing way. In Fandom some (very few) people end up glamorising or romanticising these subjects so, I don’t believe the comic world was or is ready to treat a backstory like this with the respect it needs.

Maybe I haven’t even treated the subject with the respect and care that it needs and if that’s the case then I am truly sorry.

I had never answered a question regarding this subject before and I really appreciate all the questions you send my way; they do make my brain happy. I am really sorry it took me this long to write an answer to you but I hope the post is good enough for all the time I made you wait!

I hope you have an amazing week!

#jason todd #red hood #robin jason todd #batman #tati writes and is nervous about it #theories and headcanons #dc comics

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red-jaebyrd · 4 years ago

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Best of you

Part one - Fight or Flight

This sequel fic was inspired by this post by @hood-ex. Thanks for the inspiration, Emily.

It had been a week since Dick, Damian and Jason had gotten back from the Fortress of Solitude. Fourteen days since Bruce had shipped them off to the Fortress to recover from their injuries. Fifteen days since Bane had beat up each of them within an inch of their life and hung them by their necks in the Cave.

Once the boys had made it to the Manor and into their own familiar surroundings they had remained in each other’s sights. Neither of them ever leaving the other alone, they were completely attentive to one another. No one had questioned it or commented on it. Even if they had, Dick didn’t care. Both of his brothers needed him and he was going to be there for them in any way he was capable.

Jason had moved back into the Manor temporarily. He told Dick it was just until Damian started to feel safe again. But Dick knew Jason needed to be around them too.

Dick knew it was just an excuse to stay in close proximity to them. He didn’t call Jason out on it, because truthfully, he liked having Jason around. He liked knowing that Jason was close and safe with them, instead of somewhere outside Gotham in a safehouse alone.

Dick’s concern for Damian increased within their first week back at the Manor. Damian had always practiced hypervigilance when it came to his surroundings whether he was on patrol or in the Manor. It had been part of his training with the League and in turn had become a part of his personality. But ever since the incident with Bane and the hanging, Damian’s hypervigilance had morphed into paranoia. He always insisted on triple checking every room he entered and was jumpy to the touch.

After the first week back Dick and Jason had eased his burden by taking on the first and third room checks. This helped some, but Damian still flinched with every hand on his shoulder or back.

The three of them weren’t on patrol duty yet as Bruce had benched them for three weeks to heal from their injuries. Dick played Cruise Director by organizing activities for both himself and Damian leaving room for Jason to tag along, which he often did. Dick made sure to schedule in exercise to keep their muscles conditioned and downtime either in the library or the media room.

Lately much of their evenings were spent together in the media room watching a movie. On movie nights Dick and Damian always sat together on the couch in the center. Alfred the cat and Ace the dog would always follow them into the room to provide their own brand of comfort. Jason preferred to sit in the back of the room where he could keep a close watch on his brothers and the closest exit. He had even brought in a small table to use as a gun cleaning station.

On movie nights Damian had always fallen asleep first. It wasn’t surprising considering the dark circles under his eyes and his quiet demeanor. The teen hadn’t been getting much sleep at night since they had gotten back from the Fortress. On their first night back Dick had been ripped out of a deep sleep to the sounds of screaming and crying coming from Damian’s room. Adrenaline had torn through Dick’s chest as he frantically rushed to reach his little brother’s room.

The sight of his little brother clawing at this neck and gasping for air had ripped Dick’s heart apart. It had been a sight he had hoped he would never have to see again. Instinctually Dick had climbed into the bed and held Damian close to him whispering reassurances into the young teen’s ear. Damian’s whole body trembled as he clung to Dick like a life line until his sobs turned into hiccups. Dick had finally allowed the adrenaline crash to overtake his body forcing him to curl up in the bed with Damian and fall back to sleep.

After that night Dick had suggested that Damian sleep in his room. He had expected Damian to put up a fight; argue staunchly that he wasn’t a child who needed the comfort of an adult after a bad dream; that he was more than capable of taking care of himself. However, to Dick’s surprise, Damian hadn’t the energy to argue. Instead, had just nodded, grabbed his duvet off his bed and followed Dick into his bedroom.

They didn’t tell Bruce or Alfred about the nightmares. Damian had made them promise. But Dick knew that Bruce could hear the screaming too.

Dick knew that if there was ever going to be any healing from this incident, especially with Damian, they all needed to talk about what had happened to them. Of course that was easier said than done. Dick knew better than to think that the other two would go for it. Jason would stop coming around to avoid sharing his feelings and Damian would shut down and refuse to talk. Ideally Dick would need to be the one to initiate the conversation to get them to open up.

Truthfully, deep down Dick didn’t want to talk about what had happened to him either, but he knew he had to for Damian’s sake. The boy was spiraling quickly before his eyes, turning into someone Dick didn’t recognize and it was starting to scare him. Dick had to do something even if it involved dredging up old memories of a time in his life he would like to stay buried and forget.

Except Dick couldn’t forget what had happened because now he had fresh rope burns to accompany the old scars from the last time a rope was fastened around his neck. Thanks to Bane those old memories that had once been buried were now fresh and new every time he closed his eyes to go to sleep. Old triggers Dick once had under control were now at the forefront of his mind eliminating any progress he had made in the last three years to overcome them.

Dick had just started wearing scarves again this past winter. He had missed the warm, familiar feeling of the handmade scarf Barbara had made for him all those years ago. The way the soft fabric would protect his neck from the cold onslaught of an unforgiving Gotham windchill. He loved that scarf and it was a welcome relief to be able to start wearing it again, but now that had all changed. Right now he could barely tolerate wearing a crew neck t-shirt.

As if things couldn’t get any worse, Bane had one of his goons cover Dick’s nose and mouth while Bane had hung Damian first and then beat the shit out of Jason. He had made Dick watch helplessly as his brothers suffered while leaving him to slowly suffocate. Dick had started to panic when he couldn’t breathe and clawed at the meaty hand covering his nose and mouth, but the bastard had held firm. Dick’s lungs burned as he gradually lost consciousness just as Bane had strung up Jason.

No, Dick didn’t want to talk about any of this stuff with Damian and Jason. However, he knew he had to if he was going to help his brothers heal. This was another reason why he encouraged movie nights, and hoped maybe one of these nights Damian would open up.

It had been a week and Damian had barely said anything more than two word sentences to either Dick or Jason. Bruce had tried futilely to get Damian to open up to him, but soon handed the reins of communication back over to Dick. The irony of Bruce trying to get Damian to open up wasn’t lost on Dick. The more Bruce pushed Damian to talk, the more Damian shut down further frustrating Dick.

Dick was positive that on one of their movie nights Damian would eventually open up. He wasn’t rushing it, but Dick had hoped that Damian would start to feel relaxed and comfortable enough to talk; and to Dick’s surprise it had worked.

“I never did have the tolerance to withstand the chokeholds from my trainers,” Damian muttered completely out of the blue one night. He kept his eyes on the TV screen and his hands stroking the sleeping cat on his lap.

“You’re not…” Dick cleared his throat, nearly choking on his soda. “…you’re not supposed to have a tolerance to strangulation, Dami.”

“I am. It was part of my training and the only skill I couldn’t perfect,” Damian continued, pulling at the collar of this shirt. “One time Mother had a trainer hang me with a rope. It was so tight it dug into my neck and I panicked like I always did when something was round my neck,” Damian choked out a sob at the last word. “I asked her to call it off, to make him stop but she ignored me. I eventually blacked out. I woke up in my chambers with rope burns around my neck and a migraine. She said I was a failure; that tears and whinging was a sign of weakness; and therefore a disgrace to the Al Ghul legacy.”

Dick put his arm around Damian. He could sense where this conversation was going; that there was some unresolved guilt for actions Damian was incapable of stopping that horrible night. The boy turned into the embrace leaning into Dick’s chest.

“You are not a failure, Lil’ D. There is nothing you could’ve done to have stopped what had happened to us.”

“I was trained to be the best, Richard,” Damian insisted, gripping Dick’s shirt. “I can fight blindfolded. I can manipulate my organs to avoid major injury, I can even hold my breath for six minutes, but I could never stand to have anything around my neck obstructing my airway. I was not good enough.”

“You are the best at everything you do, Dames,” Dick comforted, kissing the top of Damian’s head. “Your mother’s standards don’t matter here.”

They watched more of the movie in silence. All that could be heard was Damian sniffling and the occasional thud of Jason cleaning his guns.

“I used to get nightmares about it. Feeling the rope tightening around my neck and not being able to breathe,” Damian confessed, tugging at the collar of his shirt again. “Now the nightmares are back and I cannot get them to stop.”

Dick’s whole body tensed at hearing Damian recall the feeling of the rope around his neck. His palms started to get clammy as he remembered Super Woman’s barbed lasso tightening around his own neck as he struggled to breathe and stay conscious. Dick still had the scars from the barbs sinking into his skin. He shook his head to clear his thoughts. Now was likely a good time as any to share what had happened to him.

“Me too, kiddo. I get it, but talking about what happened helps. For me that…that wasn’t the first time I had rope tied around my neck either,” Dick shared, rubbing his hands nervously along his thighs. “There was an incident with the Crime Syndicate a few years back. Super Woman, an evil, twisted version of Wonder Woman had a lasso; she called it the ‘The Lasso of Submission’. It stung and burned when she tightened it around my neck.”

Ace climbed up on the couch next to Dick. Sensing Dick’s distress, he put his head in Dick’s lap. Dick welcomed the added weight of the dog and dug his hands into Ace’s fur. The sensation helped to ground Dick so he could continue.

“It wasn’t an ordinary lasso. It not only had the power to make its subject submit to the wielder’s will it also had magical barbs that sunk into skin and held the lasso in place,” Dick pulled down his shirt collar to reveal old white faded scars that peppered along his neck among the healing rope burns from two weeks ago.

Damian’s eyes widened at the sight of Dick’s neck.

“I couldn’t wear scarves for three years and I still can’t wear turtlenecks,” Dick confessed, righting his shirt collar.

“Turtlenecks make you look like a douche…no offense,” Jason chimed in from behind them.

“Thank you for the fashion tip, Jason,” Dick sighed, craning his neck to address Jason.

“Anytime, Dickie,” Jason replied, not taking his eyes off the task of cleaning his guns.

Dick turned his attention back onto Damian.

“Thank you for talking to me about what has been bothering you,” Dick whispered, squeezing Damian into a sideways hug. “I know it wasn’t easy, but talking it out helps to get the bad stuff out of our heads.”

Damian shook his head.

“Talking about my past with the League serves no purpose other than to showcase my weakness and my inability to maintain control over my emotions. Complaining about past events that I cannot change feels futile and pathetic,” Damian said, his voice cracking at the last word. “However, lately those past experiences are all I can think about since the incident with Bane in the Cave.”

“Talking about difficult experiences and working through the trauma caused by those experiences is not a sign of weakness, Dames,” Dick comforted, keeping his arm around Damian and leaning his cheek on top of Damian’s head. “It takes a lot of strength to admit that you need help and the support of your family to help you through this time. I’m always here to listen and help you in any way I can. Okay?”

“Okay,” Damian replied, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.

Silence fell between the brothers again while the rest of the movie played on. It had surprised Dick that Damian would bring up something so personal about himself in front of Jason. Still Dick was proud of Damian for opening up. It had only seemed fair that Dick reciprocated with his own fears and nightmares. Perhaps it would help encourage Damian to open up more with him in the future.

“Is the kid asleep?” Jason asked, making his way to the couch.

Dick looked over and could see the slow rhythmic motion of Damian’s chest rise and fall as his breaths came in deep and even. He could also hear the soft sounds of snoring and feel Damian’s body completely boneless leaning against him.

“Yes,” Dick answered, feeling the shift of the couch as Jason sat down next to him and Ace.

“It’s good that the kid has you to talk to about this,” Jason said, gently petting Ace’s head. “Lord knows he’s not going to talk about this shit with Bruce.”

“You have me too, Jason,” Dick assured, nudging his elbow against Jason’s ribs.

“I know, Dickie,” Jason answered, grabbing the Blu-ray remote and thumbing through the main menu.

“Do you want to talk?” Dick asked.

“No,” Jason answered, keeping his eyes focused on the TV.

Dick nodded. Jason would open up when he felt like it. At least Dick hoped Jason would one day talk to him about the hanging and how it was affecting him. Dick wondered if that was why Jason had asked if Damian was asleep.

“Did – did the League train you –,“ Dick asked, motioning to his throat. “-for that too?”

Jason looked at him with blank eyes but Dick could see the muscles working in Jason’s jaw. Jason turned his attention back to TV as he continued to fiddle around with the main menu options until he found the ‘Special Features’ menu.

“No, but Willis always liked going for the neck,” Jason responded candidly.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry, you didn’t do it,” Jason retorted.

“No, but, I’m still sorry that happened to you,” Dick empathized.

Jason kept his focus on the TV and swallowed thickly.

“I was supposed to wake him up so he could leave in time for a job. ‘7’clock sharp you little shit, or we don’t eat for a week,’” Jason’s lip curled in disgust retelling his story. “He was out cold and wouldn’t wake up. I had to get on top of him and shake him. He woke up in a rage and I wasn’t fast enough to get out of his way. He grabbed me by the neck and squeezed hard until I saw spots.”

Jason paused to pick at a loose thread on the arm of the couch. He cleared his throat before continuing. “I remember clawing and scratching at his hand to get him to let go. It only pissed him off and made him squeeze harder. He finally let go when Mom hit him over the head with a frying pan. Never woke him up after that day, but it didn’t matter. He always went for my neck.”

Dick didn’t know what to say to Jason, which was rare considering Dick always knew what to say to everyone. He knew Jason’s dad was an abusive drunk. Jason never talked about his time with his parents before coming to the Manor only vague stories of his experience living on the streets. This was the first time Jason had ever opened up about his dad. It was probably better to just state the obvious since empathizing only pissed Jason off.

“Your dad was an asshole for doing that to you,” Dick said, breaking the silence.

“Yeah well, others have done much worse,” Jason said, rubbing the back of his neck.

Dick didn’t need to be reminded. He lived with the guilt every day that he wasn’t there to protect Jason from the ��much worse” and the guilt only grew in intensity as he glanced at the angry red rope burns on Jason’s neck.

“I’m so sorry,” Dick mumbled, his bottom lip trembling.

“Why do you keep apologizing? It’s fucking annoying. You didn’t do anything,” Jason snapped.

“Exactly, I didn’t do a fucking thing the whole time that asshole beat the shit out of you and Damian,” Dick blurted, glancing at Damian’s sleeping form. The sleeping boy stirred and shifted his position away from Dick to lean against the couch arm. Dick lightly carded his fingers through Damian’s hair.

“I didn’t do anything but watch as he strung up both of you in the Cave by your necks,” Dick continued, swallowing the lump forming in his throat. Ace whined and put his head back in Dick’s lap.

Jason turned sideways on the couch so he was facing Dick and gently placed a hand on Dick’s shoulder. The contact was welcome, but Dick didn’t feel like he deserved it.

“Stop, Dick, is this about Bane? You couldn’t do anything. I don’t – do you think we blame you for what happened?” Jason asked, tilting his head to get Dick to look at him. “This wasn’t your fault. Why are you shouldering this?”

Dick choked out a sob before catching himself. One hand reflexively reaching into Ace’s fur, with the other he scrubbed the wetness from his eyes with his sleeve.

“I couldn’t protect you – again,” Dick muttered, tears streaming down his face. “It’s my job to protect my brothers, all my brothers. I couldn’t do that for you or Dam –“

“- because that Motherfucker had his goons restraining and smothering you,” Jason interrupted. “Bane knew it would fuck you up to have to watch.”

It was true. Bane was a genius when it came to mentally and physically breaking his adversaries. He knew he could destroy Dick just by having him watch Damian and Jason get hurt. And by all accounts Bane achieved his objective. As much as he tried, Dick couldn’t get the images of his brothers’ bruised faces and beaten bodies out of his brain. Not to mention the guilt of being unable to do anything to stop it was eating him alive.

“I know you want to protect us, Dick. I know you wanted to be there for Tim. We all did, but even you have your limits,” Jason continued. “You can’t shield us from everything. Shit happens with this life and this job. We signed up for this. We chose as a team to defy the Bat and go after Bane. How were we to know we’d be walking into an ambush? Fucker’s a menace.”

Dick shook his head and clenched his jaw.

“I know what we signed up for,” Dick countered, pointing at his own neck. “I have all the scars to prove it. But I didn’t sign up to not feel safe in my own home. I didn’t sign up to hear my youngest brother screaming every night from a nightmare, clawing at his neck and gasping for air.”

Or see that my other brother is unable to go to sleep by himself without all the lights on. Dick kept that last statement to himself.

“I didn’t sign up for that,” Dick repeated, shaking his head.

“Yeah,” Jason agreed, leaning his head back on the couch and blowing out a breath.

“I’ve never heard you talk about the Crime Syndicate before,” Jason said, changing the subject. “Was that – was that the first time you told anyone what had happened to you?”

Dick nodded and curled in on himself. It wasn’t a pleasant incident to think about, much less discuss with anyone even if he considered them to be a safe person and Jason was safe. Aside from the trauma of having a barbed lasso around his neck and getting smothered to stop his heart to diffuse a bomb; there was also the shame of falling so easily into their trap and the indignity of having his identity exposed to the world. It was easier to just keep the humiliation and trauma to himself.

“I thought it would help Damian open up and – ,“ Dick answered, petting Ace with both hands. “I probably should have talked about it sooner. But –,”

“- you thought it would be easier to just keep things to yourself,” Jason said, finishing Dick’s sentence. “I get that, but Dick, I know you. You need to talk things out and you didn’t talk about this to anyone? Not even with Alfred?”

“I couldn’t –,” Dick repeated, shaking his head.

“You know you have me right? if –if you ever wanted to talk,” Jason offered.

Dick couldn’t believe what he was hearing from Jason. It must have shown on his face because Jason’s eyebrows shot up to his forehead in surprise.

“What?” Jason asked. “What did I say?”

“Jason, I know you and you hate talking about feelings and stuff,” Dick responded, tilting his head and furrowing his brow.

Jason briefly shifted his attention to the TV pointing the remote and turning it off.

“I hate talking about my feelings,” Jason gestured to himself. “But I know you need to get that shit out or you’ll explode.”

“Thanks,” Dick replied, giving Jason a small smile.

“So, do you want to talk?” Jason asked, reaching for the nearly empty bowl of popcorn sitting on the ottoman.

Dick considered the offer. It meant a lot coming from Jason. Jason didn’t offer himself like that to just anyone. Dick had overheard Jason giving Tim the same offer a few months ago. He wondered if Tim was able to take him up on that offer before – before he died. There was no doubt Dick would one day take Jason up on his offer, but not tonight.

“Rain check?” Dick asked, leaning his head against the couch and rubbing his eyes. “I’m pretty beat.”

Jason nodded. He turned the TV back on and began scrolling through Netflix. Dick closed his eyes and started to let himself drift allowing the pull of sleep to overtake him.

“Just promise me you’ll never keep shit that big to yourself again,” Jason said, breaking the silence.

Dick opened his eyes and sat up; an idea quickly coming to his head that would also benefit Jason.

“I promise, but you have to promise too,” Dick countered, holding out his hand to seal the deal.

Dick could see the wheels turning in Jason’s head. His eyes widened as he realized that Dick had just tricked him into agreeing to do the very thing he hates, talking about his feelings. Jason’s shoulders sagged.

“Fine, we have a deal,” Jason huffed, shaking Dick’s offered hand. “Don’t get any other bright ideas.”

“You know, if we wake Damian we can probably get him in on the deal too,” Dick joked.

“Don’t push it, Big Bird,” Jason said, throwing a handful of popcorn at Dick.

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hidden-otaku-stuff · 4 years ago

Text

Lockscreens (ch.10)

tw: insecurities, minor anger-driven violence

Word count: 3.85k

Genre: Angst, fluff

All trigger warnings will be tagged and posted at the beginning of each chapter! This will have *manga spoilers*

Pairings: Bokuto x fem!reader, Kuroo x fem!reader

Summary: Nearly four years ago, Bokuto left the love of his life for volleyball. Despite all the time, he’s still very much in love with her. He comes home to a major surprise leaving him wondering…What happened while he was gone?

Masterlist | prev | next

ch. 10: All Caught Up (Present)

Present, the day after the game

“Bokuto-sehsu, that was a fantastic match last night! How are you feeling today?”

“Thank you so much Au-san! We worked really hard, and we’re so happy for a MSBY Jackal victory,” he beamed, crossing his legs and leaning forward slightly. “I’m feeling great.”

“How do you guys normally celebrate after a win?”

“Well, we’ll normally go out for a bite to eat or something.” He adjusted his sports jacket, hands fiddling with the zipper. “If we’d just flown in that night though, we’d normally head off to bed after eating something in the hotel restaurant.”

“You guys must be hungry after all that running and jumping!” She laughed. “You’re from Tokyo right? What’s the best place for a post-game meal?”

He nodded eagerly. “Yes, I was actually the ace at Fukurodani Academy when I was in high-school. We normally go to Gyu-Kaku by the stadium after a hard-fought game, win or lose. I actually took the team there last night.”

“Gyu-Kaku? That’s actually one of my favourites!” They both laughed. “Now, obviously you’ve been involved with volleyball for a good majority of your life. I gotta ask, is there anything you regret about it?” Bokuto froze, his mind running this way and that.

He wasn’t sure why this question was always asked, and he swallowed the weight of the lies on his tongue as he repeated the same lies he had lived and breathed for the past four years. Bokuto forced a grin, “No, not at all. I love volleyball, it’s always been there for me. I’m so happy that I have a chance to continue with it as my career.”

“Speaking of love, any special lady in your life?”

The corner of his mouth twitched as he forced out a laugh, his heart shattering. Of course. Just another bachelor on the MSBY team. “Not at this time,” he acknowledged, knuckles whitening. Bokuto could almost feel the jagged edges of the pieces of his heart that he’d clumsily tried to reassemble. “It’s hard balancing all the travel and practice with a dating life.”

“Well hopefully you’ll find someone willing to do that for you.” Au smiled. “Well folks, that’s all the time we have today. Thank you for coming out!”

As Bokuto left the studio from his live interview, he let out an extensive sigh. It wasn’t often that interviewers asked him about his past, but he supposed it was expected considering he was local to Tokyo. He turned down the street, letting his music fade in the background as he remembered his past. Bokuto still couldn’t believe that he had run into (Name) yesterday, let alone that she was married to Kuroo for gods’ sake. He sighed, face darkening. Kuroo had been the one to introduce them after all.

“Hey Bokuto, I want you to meet someone. Come to Gym 3 later for extra practice!” A hand clapped onto his back, sending the wing-spiker lurching forward. Glancing up, he nodded at the other first-year male.

“Who else will be there?”

Kuroo shrugged, grinning. “You’ll just have to come and see, won’t you?”

After all the practices, Bokuto entered Gym 3 to find it empty. He picked a corner, placing his bag and stuff down before taking a sip from his water bottle. “You’re Bokuto right?” The spiker jumped, dropping his bottle. He cursed, bending down as he picked it up. A soft giggle had him looking up. “I’m (L.Name, Name),” she introduced, bending beside him as she began to towel up the split water. Bokuto stared at her, open-mouthed. “You were really good today!” She beamed, standing up with the soiled towels.

“Thank you,” he stammered, moving to stand beside her. “What school are you from?”

She tucked her hair behind her ear, “Nekoma.”

“Oh! You must be Kuroo’s friend?”

(Name) laughed, eyes sparkling. “You can say that. We've been friends since grade school.”

Golden eyes widened. “He mentioned wanting to introduce me to someone. That must be you.”

“Funny, Kuroo said the same thing about you.” She bowed. “I’ll be in your care, Bokuto-san.” His cheeks glowed as he pulled her up from her bow.

Bokuto frowned, arriving at his temporary lodging. Under different circumstances, he would’ve asked to stay with (Name) after reconnecting, but the circumstances being what they were, he figured renting out a place for the month would be better. He sat on his couch, lips pursed. Bokuto’s phone vibrated against his thigh. “Hello?”

“Bokuto-san.”

“Akaashi!”

“I heard that you were back in Tokyo?”

Bokuto stood, his bitter expression lightening up just enough for a smile. He stood up, making his way to his kitchen. “Yes, I am! I’ll be here for a month.”

“How exciting,” Bokuto could hear the smile in Akaashi’s voice. “If you’re free, let’s meet up? I haven’t seen you in quite a while.” Bokuto filled up a glass of water, sipping it.

“I always have time for you, Akaashi!” Bokuto boomed, causing Akaashi to chuckle.

“Thank you, Bokuto-san. I have to go now. I hope you’re doing well.”

“See you soon, Akaashi.”

Bokuto stood in the deafening silence of his kitchen. A heavy sigh left him, shoulders sagging. Akaashi’s calming presence had soothed some of his anxiety about being alone, but it was also a stark reminder that he was alone. Weary golden eyes scanned the kitchen.

“Kou! You’re making a mess,” she squealed, grabbing at his hands. He had been frantically whipping the bowl of cookie dough, causing it to splatter everywhere.

“No, I’m not!” He argued.

She pulled it away, wiping a bit of the splatter off of her cheek. “You sure about that?”

“Okay, maybe.” Bokuto sighed, grabbing a towel to try and wipe down the counter. He was startled when cold liquid landed on his cheek. “Huh?” He whirled around, wiping at his cheek to find a splatter of the dough on his cheeks. “Oh you’re gonna get it,” he grinned. A handful of flour went flying at her as she attempted to run around the island.

“Kou!” She shrieked, the flour landing all over her face. (Name) lunged for an egg, smashing it on top of his head. She froze, eyes widening at the silly sight. “Oh my god, you look ridiculous!”

“You’ve got three seconds.” Bokuto wiped the dripping egg whites off of his forehead.

She backed up, tripping over her own feet. “You wouldn’t do anything drastic, right Kou?” She cooed, panic rising in her voice.

“Of course not, love. I just wanna hug you!” With that, he lunged and cracked an egg down her shirt. Laughter filled the air as they chased each other around, their plan to make cookies long-forgotten.

He sighed. If only he could turn back time. Maybe he’d have this taste of domesticity for the rest of his life. A home instead of a temporary apartment. Someone who would come rushing to greet him once he came home instead of the void left in his heart and bed. Bokuto sighed just before his phone vibrated in his hand.

Future wifey: When did you want to meet?

****

The next day...

“So, Bokuto is back in town? And (Name) is meeting him right now?” Kenma had Hikori on his lap, showing him how to play Minecraft. Kuroo was lounging on the bean-bag, alternating between watching his son and staring at his phone.

“Pretty much.” Kuroo sighed.

“How are you feeling about it?” Kenma patted Hikori’s head, pointing at something on the screen.

“I’m fine.”

“No you’re not. If you were, you wouldn’t be sitting there sulking.” Kenma eyed his best friend disdainfully. “Not that I’m complaining, you know I enjoy Hikori’s company.” His yellow eyes surveyed the screen. “You can mine those blocks, Hiki.”

“Ok, Ken-san!” Hikori’s pink tongue stuck out as he examined the keyboard to press the right buttons.

“Fine, you’re right. I’m worried.”

“Why?”

“What if she still wants Bokuto?” Kuroo hesitated, chewing on his bottom lip. “I mean, they were together for almost four years.” Hazel eyes gazed with affection and a glimmer of resignation at his son. Turmoil overwhelmed him. Would Hikori prefer his biological father over him? Would she prefer Bokuto? No matter what, it had always felt that Bokuto was her first love, not him. “And they have something...permanently tying them together.”

“You’ve also been with her for the same amount of time.” Kenma cleared his throat, shifting his sharp gaze away from Kuroo. “I think that connection is more-so between you and her,” Kenma shrugged. “It’s not like he was involved other than genetically.”

“That wasn’t his fault though,” Kuroo argued. “If he hadn’t gotten the deal that day, he would’ve known and it would be him here instead of me.”

“But he did and it is you, not him.” Kenma looked down at his friend. “You’ve known each other for almost fifteen years. You’ve loved her for a majority of that time, whether you knew it or not.” He took control of the mouse, helping Hikori fight off a zombie. “She’s loved you for just as long. It doesn’t matter what they had together. You’ve already beat him in every possible way.” A smirk made its way onto his face as he watched Hikori play. “You’ve maxed your friendship levels. He’d have to start over at this point.”

Kuroo rolled his eyes. “You’re such a gamer.”

“A rich one.”

Kuroo’s face brightened as he cackled. “Thanks Kenma. You always know how to cheer me up.”

“Our friendship points are maxed out too, Kuro.”

“Ken-san!” Hikori pointed at the screen excitedly. “I just caught this!”

“Good job, Hiki.” Kenma patted the boy’s head affectionately.

****

A few days later...

“Akaashi?”

“Yes, Bokuto-san?”

“Can we meet up?”

“Of course. I’ll text you the address of a pearl drink place, okay?”

Akaashi hung up, sighing. It had been years since he heard Bokuto so...depressed. The wing-spiker had worked hard to overcome his “emo” modes from high school, and it no longer affected him during games, but apparently something brought it back and Akaashi had an idea of what that it might be…

“So you met (Name)?”

Bokuto nodded, chewing on the tapioca balls. “Yeah, we ran into each other at the game a few days ago.”

Akaashi hesitated. “How was that?”

“S’okay, I guess.” Bokuto shrugged, spinning in the raised chair. The two sat in bar-stools at Akaashi’s favorite pearl tea shop. Though, it was only his favorite since it was so close to his work-place. “We met up to talk the other day and caught up. I didn’t know she and Kuroo got married.”

The former setter hummed. “Yeah, they got married before Hikori was born.”

Bokuto threw his arms up. “That’s the thing! I didn’t even know they were talking together. Let alone that they were interested in each other like that.” Bokuto sighed, running a hand through his disheveled hair. “I can’t believe I came back to find my best friend having a baby with my ex-girlfriend.”

Akaashi tilted his head, twisting the straw wrapper. “I’m more surprised you didn’t come back sooner with all things considered.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Akaashi cleared his throat, “I figured you would visit more after finding out that Hikori is your son.”

Bokuto froze, short-circuiting. “He’s what?”

Akaashi paused, looking up from his pearl drink. “She didn’t tell you?” His eyebrows furrowed. “They promised that they would.”

“Congratulations, Kuroo-san.” Akaashi nodded at Kuroo and (Name). They were at (Name)’s house as she hosted Hikori’s ‘Sip and See’ party and Aya’s baby shower. The coworkers had become exceptionally close after being joined together by parenthood. The expecting mother was entertaining other guests in the living room while (Name) and Kuroo entertained their guests in the backyard.

“Do you want to hold him, Akaashi?” (Name) offered, arms cradling a bundle of blankets.

Akaashi smiled, bowing slightly. “If you don’t mind.”

“Of course, I trust you.” She giggled, gently placing Hikori into Akaashi’s arms.

“I’ll be back, love.” Kuroo kissed (Name)’s head, nodding at Akaashi before heading over to greet his coworkers.

Akaashi rocked Hikori slightly, a gentle smile on his face. “He has his eyes, y’know.” (Name) murmured, looking down at her son and carding through his soft locks.

“Does he now?” Akaashi hummed. Hikori yawned, opening up his eyes as he woke up from his nap. With wide golden eyes, Hikori reached for Akaashi’s face. Akaashi chuckled, bringing his finger to Hikori’s small chubby hands. The baby squealed with laughter as he grabbed onto Akaashi’s index finger. “Does Bokuto-san know?” Akaashi peeked up at (Name).

“Not yet.”

Kuroo returned, catching their conversation. Akaashi kept his attention on (Name). “Will you tell him?”

“Of course Akaashi.” Akaashi fixed her with a hard stare, raising an eyebrow. “I promise, we’ll tell him.”

“Akaashi.” Gunmetal eyes slid to look over at Kuroo who grabbed his shoulder and squeezed. “We promise, Bokuto will know.”

“I have to go.”

“Good luck, Bokuto-san.” Akaashi called after him as Bokuto sprinted out of the store.

****

“Thanks for coming in! Be sure to keep doing those stretches at home, okay?” She instructed, waving her client out. She stepped out of the hall, leaving one of the dance studios.

“Hey (Name)?” The receptionist called urgently, waving at the female.

“Yes? Is everything okay?” (Name) walked forward. Rei approached her, bending to whisper into her ear.

“There’s someone here for you. He’s been pacing the lobby for quite some time now.”

“Who is it?” Her eyes widened, brows furrowing. She didn’t have any more clients that day. (Name) glanced at her watch, it was almost time to pick up Hikori from the on-site day-care center.

“He said his name was Bokuto?” (Name)’s jaw clenched, fingers twitching in agitation. “Oh, do you know him?” Rei asked, cocking her head. She could only nod, a million thoughts running through her mind.

“Yeah, thanks for telling me Rei. I’ll go see him right now.” She smoothed out her clothes, taking a deep breath before she stepped into the lobby. “Bokuto?” True to Rei’s words, Bokuto was anxiously pacing up and down the lobby, looking over his shoulder at the double doors every few steps. Bokuto looked like a mess. His hair was all-over the place, golden eyes red. At the sound of her voice, Bokuto whipped around. His lip was swollen and bruised, no doubt from apprehensive chewing.

“(Name)!” Bokuto sprinted towards her. “We need to talk.”

“It appears we do.” She looked around the lobby. “C’mon, let’s go to my office.”

Silence clung to them as they took the stairs up to her office, which had been moved to a different wing. As soon as she shut the door, Bokuto whirled on her. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“That Hikori is my son!” He slammed his palm onto her desk, startling her.

Tears welled up in her eyes. “I...we...I was going to tell you,” she whispered. “When Hikori was older.”

Name let out a sigh of relief, tugging the blanket under Hikori’s chin. Muscular arms snaked around her waist as the couple stood staring down at their baby. “Let him sleep,” Kuroo whispered into her ear, pressing a chaste kiss to her cheek and gently tugging her towards the door. Kuroo slipped out first while she paused to turn on some classical music. Her husband was bustling around the kitchen, pouring them mugs of warmed milk. “Is everything okay?” He asked, glancing up at her.

“Do you think we should tell Bokuto?”

Kuroo’s hands froze as he stopped mixing honey in, eyes focused on the mug with an unreadable expression. “Bokuto?”

She hummed in response. (Name) stepped in between his arms, wrapping her arms around his chest. “I mean, biologically that’s his child.” Kuroo hesitated as a hand reassuringly rubbed his back. “Hikori is still your son,” she clarified, “and he always will be.” (Name) pulled back, looking up at Kuroo, her lips brushing his cheek. ‘But I think he’d want to know. Heavens knows you would want to if the situation was reversed.” She shrugged as she bit her bottom lip. “Bokuto doesn’t need to know any time soon.”

Kuroo nodded reluctantly, resting his forehead on hers. “Why don’t we wait until Hikori is old enough to decide whether or not he wants to meet Bokuto?” he suggested, closing his eyes. “Introducing Bokuto too soon might cause confusion or unnecessary stress to Hiki.”

A puff of warm air blew across his face as she contemplated his offer. “That’s fair. He isn’t missing a father figure and he might get confused.” Her eyes glowed with determination. “Alright. Let’s hold off on telling him until he’s old enough to understand.” Kuroo pressed a kiss first to her forehead then her lips. “Thank you for being so understanding, love.”

Kuroo let out a soft laugh. “Anything for you, my love.”

“Don’t you think I had a right to know?” Bokuto was pacing around her office, aggravation evident in all of his movements. Fear locked her jaw. “Why didn’t you tell me when we met up the other day?” He snarled, running his hand through his hair again. The knock at her door shook her out of her reverie.

She cleared her throat, glancing at the door. “Yes?”

“(Nickname)? Are you ok?”

She swallowed, steadying her voice and steeling her nerves. “Yeah, Iwaizumi. I’m fine, just dropped something.”

“Alright then. I’m next door if you need anything!”

“Thank you!” She pinched her nose, taking more deep breaths. “Look, Bokuto. You left.” She hissed, jabbing a finger into his chest. “Years ago. I didn’t hear from you until. This. Week.”

“That’s not my fault!” Bokuto argued, grabbing her wrist. “You told me to go!” He threw her hand away from him, golden eyes narrowed.

“I did.” She nodded, closing her eyes. Her nostrils flared as she took deep breaths. “I wanted you to be happy and to be the pro-player you always wanted to be.”

“Babe, guess what?” She looked up from the tea-cup that sat in front of her, over the pastries as (e/c) eyes made contact with gold. Her eyebrows quirked up as she took a sip. Bokuto could hardly contain his own excitement as he blurted out, “I just got scouted!”

Her eyes widened, choking slightly on the hot beverage. “Really? That’s great!”

He nodded eagerly. “Yeah, it’s a two-year contract for now. They want to send me to their training camp starting next week and I’ll be gone for the next six months. After that, I’m going to officially join the team and everything!” A soft pout made its way to his face as he played with his fingers. He didn’t want to leave her - not when she was so close to finishing up school. “That means I have to leave this weekend.”

Delicately placing the tea-cup down, a soft hand reached out for his. “Kou, it’s okay. This is the opportunity you’ve been looking for all of your life.” (Name) swallowed thickly, causing him to tilt his head at her. What was the matter? But his worries were quelled with her next words. “I’m not going to keep you here. Please, go live your life and you better be the best ace out there, okay?”

Apprehension bubbled in his stomach, something didn’t feel right. He grasped her hand harder, fixing her with a paralysing golden stare. “We can make this work! I’ll come home to visit, and we’ll call every day, I promise.” Silently, he promised to himself, ‘And when you’re finished with school, I will come back and bring you with me.’

The corner of her lips graced him with a timid smile. “I’m sure we can.”

“I love you.” Bokuto’s plush lips caressed her hand, squeezing it tightly once more. His heart felt warm knowing that he had her support. Knowing that he had a plan for their future now. Excitement filled him once more as he imagined it. Him, established in his professional volleyball career. Her, joining him in Osaka and building her own future as they joined their lives together as full-fledged adults.

She squeezed back, looking at their intertwined hands. “I love you too.”

His eyes widened, the memory hitting him out of nowhere sending a surge of fury through him. Bokuto lunged towards her, both hands now clasped onto her wrists. “Does Hikori know?” Bokuto demanded.

Her eyes widened. “Kou, that hurts,” she whimpered, trying to tug out of his grip.

“Does Hikori know?” Bokuto trembled like a leaf during the season's change.

“No, he doesn’t.” Tears welled up in her eyes. “We were going to wait until he was older so that he would understand.”

“So you hid it from both of us?” Bokuto scoffed. Hurt and anger crossed his expression. “Why would you lie?”

(Name) yanked her arms away, rage surging through her. Red marks were left on her arms and were rubbed furiously. “Bokuto, you left me. You ghosted me. You have absolutely no right to come in here demanding jack-shit from me after that.” She let out a deep laugh, eyes glinting dangerously. “Why would I tell my son that his father abandoned his mother especially when there was already someone else there to love and raise him?”

At her words, Bokuto deflated, anger dissipating completely. “I’m...I’m sorry, (Name). I didn’t…I.” Bokuto collapsed onto her patient table, face buried into his palms. “I’m so sorry,” he whimpered. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. Or to abandon you. It was just so hard, I didn’t want to hold you back.” Hot tears dripped down his face and splattered onto the ground. “Fuck, (Name). I was in so much pain when I left. I didn’t…I couldn’t…Not like this.” Bokuto’s body shook in sobs. Her anger faded as she watched him. Pity overwhelmed her, causing her throat to tighten.

She stepped closer, hesitantly wrapping her arms around his quivering form. Bokuto stiffened before burying his face into her shoulder. “It’s okay, Kou. I know,” she cooed softly.

His body trembled as he clung onto her, struggling to breath. “I know I don’t deserve it but I...I wanna try again. Can I just try to be a part of Hikori’s life? We don’t even need to get back together,” he rambled in sheer desperation, tears soaking into her shirt. How could they? He had been replaced long ago and he hadn’t even realised it. “He doesn’t need to know that I’m his dad. Not yet.” Another sob tore through his body as his grip tightened. “I just want to be a part of his life. Is that okay?”

(Name) bit her lip, glancing at the picture frame on her desk. Hikori and Kuroo stared back at her. Hikori was perched on Kuroo’s shoulders as they wandered the festival streets waiting for the firework show.

“Please.” He whispered hoarsely, pulling back to reveal golden eyes that glistened with pain. “I know I don’t deserve your kindness. But please.” Bokuto took a shaky breath only to break out into harsher sobs. “Please (Name).”

*****

Fun Facts

💟 “Au” means ‘meeting’

💟 Though he was used to answering the ‘regrets’ question, it never not easier for Bokuto

💟 Bokuto had planned on renting the apartment for only a week - enough time to meet up with (Name) and then ask to stay with her, but ultimately extended his reservation in order to recuperate

💟 Kuroo had never really gotten over his insecurities about Hikori’s birth

💟 Kenma loved showing Hikori how to play games, and they would often meet up monthly for game nights. (Name) refused to put Hikori in the spotlight though so Kenma wasn’t allowed to stream whenever Hikori was over

💟 Bokuto was overwhelmed with his own emotions and insecurities regarding Kuroo’s relationship with (Name) [more on this next chapter]

💟 Japanese people call milk-tea/boba/bubble tea drinks ‘tapoica juice’

💟 Akaashi never brought it up to Bokuto because he assumed that Bokuto would have mentioned it to him if he wanted to talk about it. Unfortunately, Akaashi was not surprised about how things ended up happening

💟 (Name) was surprised that Bokuto remembered where she worked. When they had met-up, Bokuto had seemed zoned out for a majority of it.

💟 (Name)’s office was moved closer to Iwaizumi’s office due to reasons

💟 (Name) isn’t the type to get angry. But when Bokuto started making demands while getting angry and violent, she couldn’t help but lash out. She had been suppressing her own rage at him for years

*****

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prpfz · 4 months ago

Note

trying this again! 💋 hey everyone! 18+, seeking others who are 18+! i'm gonna be honest, this is mostly a smutfishing post cause I am in the mood for it! I've never done one like this, I'm usually involved in slow-burn and plot heavy stuff (which I love ofc) but yeah I'm trying out something new!

I'd prefer mxf with my oc as the f, and I'm seeking oc x oc! I'm not picky in terms of your ocs. Just give me whatever and I'm sure that I'll love him! I'm also not picky on faceclaims!

I'm open to pretty much anything, too! I have very limited triggers, which I will of course go over. But threesomes, free use, all that stuff and I'm open for it! Or even medieval plots, mafia aus - we can come up with something that works.

I can write anywhere from a few paragraphs to the discord limit, but I usually match my partner! I can either use here or discord.

So, if this sounds interesting to you, just drop a like and I'll reach out to you as soon as possible! Thank you, loves!

give a like and anon will get back to you

#oc roleplay #oc rp

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fafulous · 5 years ago

Text

Take Me Home (3/5)

Andy Barber x Reader (Post!Defending Jacob)

Summary: After the unfortunate events of the trial and after, a depressed Andy Barber decides to call it quits and start a mundane life far away from Newton. He decides it is best to have a fresh start away from prying eyes and alone, but he never thought his caring neighbor (and her son) would change all of that.

Themes: MAJOR D.J. SPOILERS ((The series is following the BOOK ENDING and not Show)), Sad and soft Andy Barber, Single Mother Reader. Cursing.

A/N: Thank you all for reading this! I’m really not so good at nsfw stuff. Bear with me xD

SERIES MASTERLIST

Warnings: NSFW lil smutty.

–

Andrew Stephen Barber is a good man.

He not only asks you out for a date, but also asks your son’s permission to take you out on a date.

But before that you had a conversation with your little one while he was playing with his toys. “Hey Niko, can mommy talk to you?”

Niko fiddled with his toys, whispering to them that he needs to talk to his mother dearest.

“What is it mommy?”

You lifted him and placed him on your lap, kissing his forehead. “Mommy needs to tell you something, and you need to tell me if you’re okay with it.”

“Owkay,” he buries his face in your chest.

“Peaches, will you be okay if I hang out with Andy more than he normally does?”

“But you fwiends with Wandi.”

“Yeah Peaches I know,” you hesitated for you didn’t know if it was wise to have such a delicate conversation with this little brain you love so much, “But I think mommy like Andy more than a friend now.”

“Woh like pwincess and pwince?” he asked you, his face brightening.

You hugged him tighter laughing at his comparison, “Yeah peaches. Like them.”

“But what about papa?”

It was hard to explain, even though Niko knew his mother and father aren’t together. You patiently explained him, pausing in between whenever he didn’t understand.

“…Papa hit me peaches. Papa doesn’t like me, but papa loves you okay, you must know that. You still have to visit papa okay?”

He began to cry again and hugged into your shoulders, realising that the whole ‘papa hitting momma’ triggered his memories that he never liked in the first place, “Me don’t like papa! P-papa hit you! Papa give you booboo in your face mommy!”

“Hey buddy don’t cry.”

Your head turned to Andy; glad he made a visit at the right time. He quickly whispered that the door was unlocked, and he took Nikolai from your grasp. “I got this momma bear,” he whispered.

He snuggled and cuddled Nikolai just to calm him down, walking up and down the house. He didn’t bother about the fact that the child’s tears and snots were staining his blue shirt.

“Hey buddy. Don’t cry what happened?”

“Papa hit mommy. Papa hit mommy-”

Andy cradled him now, trying to distract him with his soothing voice. “Your papa isn’t here buddy. No one’s going to hurt mommy okay? I promise I won’t let anything happen to mommy okay?”

“Y-you won’t h-hit m-mommy Wandi?”

Andy froze for a little bit, wondering where this was coming from, but then you popped in with a teary eye gently telling him that they had a conversation about you asking him out.

“Of course, not buddy. I will never hit Mommy, it’s a promise. I like your mommy okay buddy?”

“Yeah, Mommy say she likes you too.”

“Will you be okay if I’m with mommy?” He asked the little baby, wiping his tears with his hands.

“You pinkie pwomise you won’t hit her?”

“Pinkie Pwomise.”

“Then wowkay.”

A few more minutes of cradling, and the little one dozed off.

Andy put him on the couch after kissing him and came up to you, embracing you in one of his cuddly hugs you always loved. You tip toed and kissed him on the cheek. “Mr. Grumpy Cat, you’re making me feel like I am too dependent on you.”

“Isn’t that a good thing Momma Bear?”

“If you say so.”

—

You knew Andy was a keeper the minute he knew Nikolai would be joining them for their first date at the park.

It so happened that little Niko didn’t like being left alone with Mr. Arthur when his two-favourite people on the planet were going to spend time with one another. He threw a tantrum like one you’ve never seen before, and alas your weak heart couldn’t see him crying for too long.

To your surprise it didn’t sound like he was feigning, but Andy was genuinely looking forward to going out with you and Nikolai at the same time. After all it was his first time he was going to literally go out with you two.

Laying a picnic spread, Andy unpacked the picnic basket. Both of you did try to sneak in a few private moments with each other but was too less. Nikolai would never leave you two alone. “I am so sorry about this Andy. I know you deserved a better first date from my end.” “Hey its completely fine momma bear. This feels just like our dinner nights, only difference is that we’re out in the warm sun with home cooked food and lemonade.”

Mostly what you and Andy could do was cuddle under the tree while you spoke about tame stuff since Nikolai ran up to you both every five minutes. He would take a sip of lemonade, a bite of the Andy’s sandwich and go up the jungle gym with a couple of his newly made kid friends.

“And here I thought you were trying to impress me Andy. Your impressing Nikolai instead of seducing me?” In fact you were drop dead impressed. He took care of your son’s needs first. What more does a single mother need?

It wasn’t also helping how Andy looked so good today. A light blue shirt with black trousers, his sleeves rolled up to show his popping veins on his arm. His muscles weren’t shy from popping through his shirt material. His hair and beard, as usual, is something you’d worship alone.

He looked like a gourmet meal.

“Oh, you want seduction?” He leaned over close, breathing hot air onto your neck while he readied his hoarse voice, “Wait till you taste my peanut butter sandwich honey.” Even though his voice went low, sending you tingly feelings all over, you knew you’d never not laugh for his silly boy jokes.

Dates with Andy soon became date nights. Andy was a gentleman when it came to your son’s involvement. Any other prospective date of yours would have ended it soon since dating you meant having your son all day around. Thanks to the help of Andy’s loyal contacts and past clients, he had managed to get Nikolai into a day-care since it was time you stopped depending on your neighbours. They were extremely kind and didn’t mind taking care of Niko too, but you had to respect their fragile age. So here you two were, on an official first date without your son. A quiet lunch in a quaint cafe right near your library. Andy picked you up, even though you argued that it was literally walk-able from your workplace. Andy and you felt the conversation going so smoothly. It only felt like any other conversation you both had during dinner every day. But only this time, both of you had little butterflies in your stomachs in the hopes of this relationship blooming into a safe cocoon. A safe place for each other. "I’m guessing the first time you saw me, I was never in your good books?” “Oh no,” you huffed taking a sip of your wine, “you were a pain in the ass. I still never get it why you were so rude to me.” Andy reached out for your hands and gave a gentle squeeze. “I’ll never forgive myself for that. You just seemed so so… good to be true. I wanted to keep distance from something that was so wholesome, especially when I used to see you and Niko in your lawn every evening you know.”

”Oh shush Andy. You’ve made Niko’s and my life too good to be true now.” With great difficulty, you let Andy pay for the first date, arguing that he was always fed by your home cooked meals and now was his turn.

“I had a good time Andy. I had such a good time. I want to spend more time with you like this.”

“We have every night ahead of us honey. We get to spend more time more now.”

“Niko has gone to his father’s place, it’s his birthday this week and he wanted Nikolai for the whole week,” your face drooped, “We have the week to ourselves. Do you wanna, you know, do something?”

“Yeah I’d love to. Say what about dinner at my place? Drop in home once work is over? I’ll cook?”

This was a little chance. He wanted to do something more intimate with you.

Once work was over, you straight away drove to his home. When Andy opened the door, you hugged Andy and took in the blissful ambience of his house.

Anyone would argue he wasn’t a bachelor. His house was so neat, better than the first time you visited his house.

Andy made a beeline to the stove and over while you removed your coat and went around the place. His house soon smelled like a warm toasty oven; vanilla candles lit on the table with a few fresh roses in a vase in between.

“How was your day honey? I really love the blouse you’re wearing.”

Such a charmer.

“Thanks bub. My day went fine you had no idea what happened…”

You dramatically narrate the events of your workplace as you plop yourself on the kitchen counter while Andy shows keen interest in your words even though he his cooking. He simmers the flames and chooses to give you his full attention now.

“…and so now Tracy doesn’t like me anymore because I am going out with you now.”

“Is that right now?” he leaned in closer, placing his arm on your sides, trapping you with his arms on either side of you.

You nodded, which was sending Andy crazy because he saw how your supple lips were being trampled by your own teeth. You looked irresistible. With your flimsy cute work blouse showing the perfect amount of cleavage and outlining the cups of your bra, he just instinctively leaned closer to you. Both of you were silent except for each other’s breaths.

But your eyes trailed lazily over him, until it landed on an uncharacteristic embroidered apron that said Kiss the Cook.

As Andy neared you, your legs wrapped around his thighs, feeling his well-toned calf muscles that he must have developed from swimming. Your voice was so breathy that you doubted if Andy could hear you. “Do we obey the words of the apron in this house?”

Andy looked down to his apron and then back at you, eyes looking at your lips, “Well I was planning for that after dinner gets over.”

“Oh Andy,” your fingernails trace his cheek, shamelessly pulling him by the chin as your lips brushed his. “But I’m so hungry…”

Andy smashed his lips on to yours, even though he wanted to be gentle. You kissed him back with all the pent-up frustration of not being able to touch a man for so long on to him. Andy kissed you just as passionately and deeply as you did. You ruffled and pulled on his hair while your tongues peaked inside one another. He tasted like a homemade meal with a splash of wine. It was the first time both of you made out. Andy Barber of the past would have instantly taken you over the counter, but his clogged mind didn’t think he deserved such gestures of pleasure. So, he never took any initiative to direct things, always seeking your direction like lost puppy. "Andy? Bub? You can touch me wherever you want,” you whispered. He pulled you closer by gripping on to your ass harshly which earned a sexy chuckle from the both of you. Andy couldn’t say how you tasted, maybe it was some flavoured chapstick that you’d always wear? But for Andy, you tasted like home, his favourite taste.

Both of you gently yet quickly ripped off each other’s clothing. Andy’s bare chest made you want to place sloppy kisses all over his body and at the same time pinch his cute pink nipples. But you reminded yourself to stay grounded.

Because Andy was being very reserved with you. He was so hesitant, you could feel it, even though he was a mind blowing kisser. He removed your top and asked you a couple of times if he could touch your breasts.

He pushed away everything and made you lie on the counter. He massaged your breasts while he shoved his tongue way down your throat. It felt so good. He felt so good. So good that you could feel your panties ruined. His hands dangerously neared your clothed core. Your fantasies of Andy bending you over the counter and fucking you like he owned you flashed for a couple of minutes. But Andy stopped his kisses the minute he smelt the burnt smell coming from the oven and stove. Andy took out the burnt pasta and the burnt chicken appetizer from his stove and oven and placed it in the open.

Two panting, half naked bodies looking at each other. “Sorry Bubba. We got um carried away with the kiss, didn’t we?”

“No way honey. That was more than just a kiss. But this is just a plate of pasta and chicken. Besides what do you think about candlelight pizza and some whiskey with your favourite Harry Potter movie?”

“Andy,” you said with your strict voice, “you have officially seduced me with that one question. It’s definitely a big yes!”

Andy plopped you off the kitchen counter with one more passionate kiss and helped you into his sweater (since you requested if you could wear one of his soft blue sweaters). Andy realised you had removed your work skirt and were tying your hair into a high bun when he finished ordering your pizza.

If Nikolai had made his living room messy and loud with his toys and fighting sounds, he would be having a perfect home right now.

Soon the pizza came. Andy didn’t let you do any kind of work. He placed the pizza box on the coffee table and lit two more freshly smelling vanilla candles in front of you. He brought his bottle of whiskey and a couple of glasses (and even wine because in case you change your mind). Before Andy sat down you realised, he was like you too with just sweaters and boxers. His hair was the same, ruffled because of the little stunt you both pulled at the counter.

“You don’t mind right?” He gestured to his attire.

“Oh, lover boy, this is a perfect night and I know it.”

Before you know it your cuddling with each other as the movie goes on, taking bites of cheese and sips of alcohol. Once the food gets over, you almost reach one third of the film, now just drinking mindlessly on wine and whiskey as both of you start to get grabby with one another.

Andy and you became tipsy, the movie soon forgotten. Cuddling soon became sweet whispers of comfort.

Sweet whispers of comfort soon became sloppy neck kisses.

Oh boy and these neck kisses ended up being another make out session.

Getting lost into each other’s kisses was something you loved with Andy. Even though you could feel his hard shaft onto your clothed dripping wet core now, both of you responsible adults knew it was too early for sex.

Both of tried to exchange a conversation that was soon forgotten. It came out as mumbled words and they were soon forgotten…

“H’honey,” he burped with the amount of alcohol he had consumed, “you’re not mad at me for not having sex, right?”

“Shhh, it’s okay Andy,” you burped back too, “Nothing wrong in saying no to sex. Consent is important. We are res-responsible adults- Andy that tickles!”

Andy rolled over on top of you on the couch and attacked your ears, peppering his lips all over your chest.

Sex was out of the cards for you lovebirds. Not sloppy wet kisses right? — Andy would do these small gestures that would always bring a gush of warmth and fuzziness inside you. His hands on the small of your back whenever you walked anywhere. The small back rubs he would give you whenever his body swallows you for a hug. His forehead kisses whenever he saw you stressing out too hard thinking about Nikolai. Your most favourite, linking your hands or pulling you towards his shoulders while going out (even in a departmental store) when any unknown young man approaches you.

You did miss your son without doubt, but it gave so much time for you and Andy to get to know each other much more intimately, emotionally.

Andy had his own vulnerabilities. That as just as much he is moving on, he is as much depressed if he is left alone. He even opened to you how he was going and try to reach out to a psychiatrist and you encouraged him to do so if it would make him feel better

Physically, Andy and you fooled around kissing all day. He never initiated anything, but when you did, he would beg you not to stop. You were genuinely not complaining because sex isn’t everything in a relationship. He told you honestly that he wanted to know you much more before consummating with you and you understood, because you realised, he just came out of a 17-year old institution called marriage.

The idea of him moving on was a blessing for you. Now you would wait for the blessing to count… Or you would just take it in your own hands?

Just the day before Nikolai visits home, Andy asked if he could work on Nikolai’s nursery. You were more than happy to oblige.

As hard as it was to get up early on a Sunday morning, Andy made it easier since he bought you some coffee and waffles.

He began with painting the wall with Nikolai’s favourite colour blue and made sure they were done in neat strokes. You are having the time of your life for you just sat on Niko’s bed watching Andy drilling a few holes into the wall.

He was shirtless all day.

You saw how his back muscles flex as he tried to screw in wooden planks on the wall to hold any toys for him. He even made two small wooden cubbies for Niko’s toys and books. He even made sure to buy extra black paint so that we could draw a very amateur version of his Audi car that Nikolai loved. You and Andy had a good laugh at the final disfigured outcome but were happy genuinely. It was the thought that matters

He loves nothing more than a home cooked meal and so you made him lunch and dinner while he finished the last details.

You left Andy alone in Niko’s nursery while you had to wrap up the kitchen and clean it. You made sure Nikolai’s pancakes batter was in stock because he was coming home tomorrow.

When you entered the nursery, it looked so perfect. Green walls, a cute little bed for his liking and a lamp in the shape of a yellow star was placed near his bed. But just one thing or one person looked out of place.

“Andy? Why do you look so stressed?” “Nothing just- was reminded of Jacob,” he shook his head, looking at the photo frame of new-born Nikolai in your arms. “His hair looks uncannily similar to Jake’s.” You sat next to him, your hands gently squeezing his thighs in comfort. “Do you want to talk about it?” “No no, I’m fine.” He gave you a half-hearted grin, but soon smiling at you for he realised how grateful he was for you to be here at every step of processing his emotions, “Thank you momma bear.”

“No bubba, thank you for all of this.” Both of you leaned over for a quick kiss, but Andy didn’t let go. His kiss on your lips felt needy, tugging on to your lips when you let go and looked into his eyes; it wasn’t as sunken as it was when you first laid your eyes on him. You realised how bad it must be for him to be alone with his thoughts.

But at the same time, you knew he wanted more, his eyes looked like that of a needy child wanting comfort.

And you were hell-bent on giving it to him

“Hey bubba, I gotchu’ okay?” He closed his eyes when he felt your soft palms cupping his cheek; the movement of his thumbs making him blush more. You brought your lips to his, feeling his chapped his against your soft ones.

You got up from the nursery and pulled him to your room and gently closed the door to lean in for another deep kiss.

It was too addictive. Andy had to taste more. He pulled you closer and kissed back with a newfound passion. But he felt you pulling back, leaving him breathless only to see you making him sit down on the bed and you falling down on your knees. “Hey no,” he knew what you were up to, “you don’t have do this.” “But I want to Andy. I wanna take care of you.” I want to give my love to you. You convinced him to relax and pulled down his sweatpants. His black boxers didn’t help hiding his growing bulge. You nudged him to open his legs wide and began placing soft kisses up his thighs. Andy breathed out soft whimpers when you licked and grazed your teeth over his clothed bulge all the way up. His needy state made you tear up a little bit, but it was okay, you were here for him now.

You pulled him for one more kiss before pulling down his boxers. “You look so beautiful bubba,” you whispered to him, gently stroking him while you pulled him down for a peck on his lips.

Andy was mesmerised by the sight of his cock in your hands. You teasingly stroked his length and placed sloppy kisses all over, earning a loud curse from him.

“Fuck!”

“Do you like it bubba? Do you like me holding you like this?” your mischievous yet caring eyes fluttering as you kitten licked the tip of his throbbing cock. Andy threw his head back, his breathing becoming heavier.

Andy was a moaning mess and boy oh boy you weren’t even started. He then saw your pretty lips wrap around his shaft, your tongue running around his throbbing length. When you wrapped your hand around the remaining part of his cock, bobbing up and down, Andy became a mumbling mess. He gripped on to the sheets beside him, not wanting to ruin his beautiful sight in front of him.

You could taste his precum on your lips, making you wet already. You sloppily licked him again, thinking about how would his hot cum feel inside of you. Your moan into his cock made Andy shudder with a small intensity. He was close already.

Tonight was about him only.

Andy tried so hard not to close his eyes, but he failed for he lost himself in this pleasure. He finally gave up tugged on to your hair gently, eyes lidded with desire. He felt so good in your mouth.

He felt so good being with you.

As you increased the pace, you felt him buck his hips against your mouth while your fingernails gently teased his balls. Andy wanted to fall back on the bed, but he kept growling incoherently at your antics. But he wanted to see his cock getting lost in your mouth.

“H-honey, I’m gonna- oh my god!”

He finally falls back onto the bed, his hips hitting your mouth harshly once more as you felt spurts of his sweet, salty cum go down your throat. You tried to lick every last drop of him on your lips, but you had a better idea.

Andy slowly open his eyes, only to see you hovering over him, panting. You leaned in for another kiss, passionately taking in all of you while he came to senses to realise, he was tasting himself off of you.

Andy looked so beautiful, his face was flushed. A glow on his face like a boy getting laid for the first time. His eyes had that mild sparkle; you would do anything to get happiness in this man’s life now.

“You taste that bubba? That was you,” you kissed his neck and another sloppy kiss to his plump lips, “So sweet.”

“You’re a little minx momma bear” he panted too, rolling over to nuzzle in your neck, “I never knew you had it in you.”

“Neither did I, I just wanted to take care of you okay. You looked like you could use a uhm- you know-“

“An Orgasm?”

“Yeah.” Both of you giggled like teenagers while later as Andy pecked more needy kisses on your neck.

“I want to return the favour, Honey.”

Oh, you would gladly accept him jumping into you, but you weren’t cruel. The man was literally tired. “But you look so tired Andy,” you cupped his cheeks again, ruffling your hands into his hair, “My orgasm can wait.”

“B-but"

“No buts mister. You did so much work today. You help me set up Nikolai’s whole room and you never even let me help you. This was all about you okay? I can’t see you with a frown on your face Andy. I really lo-like you a lot okay?”

"You hurting me honey,” he leaned closer to whisper sweet nothings, “I really like you too and that’s why I wanna make it up to you, now.”

“Sleep next to me today?” you trailed his hands over his exposed chest.

“Say no more.” You gasped as Andy lifted you over shoulders, spanking your soft peach. He gently made you sit down on your bed and helped you change into your nightwear, which was his very same blue sweater you wore that day.

That night you realised you would never cease to make his life brighter.

You spooned Andy as you both exchanged good night kisses. He was delighted, he was in the arms of a woman who was way out of his league. He slept that night peacefully knowing that he finally has someone to take care of him now. –

The very next Monday morning, Andy and you woke up to the sound of the calling bell, realising it was Chad dropping off Nikolai before he heads off to work. Andy was gleeful as he strode towards the door, excited about what happened last night. “Yaay! Wandi!” Niko literally jumped from his father’s hand to Andy’s shoulder, hugging his mother’s new pwince tightly as ever.

“Hey buddy, glad to have you back.”

Niko then goes running into his house, to his mother by the kitchen counter. You hugged your boy and held him in your arms, unbeknownst to you the ugly conversation that was going to follow

“It’s you from the library,” Chad eyed him like a piece of meat noticing he was not wearing his shirt.

You observed from afar. He was nothing compared to Andy. Your boyfriend’s muscles had more personality that your son’s father. “Yes and you must be Chad, Y/N’s ex-husband.” “And you must be Andrew Barber. Father of the dead Jacob Barber.” “You are a fucking son of a-” You quickly put Nikolai down and asked him to go to his room. Andy wanted to throw this man over your porch and slam his head with a metal pan. But you beat him to it as he saw you holding Chad by the collar. “How dare you? Don’t you fucking DARE say a word about him, DO YOU GET IT?” Andy tried and successfully held on to you know, deeply terrified of how you were shouting.

“You’re wearing his clothes,” he snarked “You fucking any guy that lives next to you now?“

Smack!

You slapped him hard. So hard he had a red imprint on his cheek. You waited for a second for him to open his mouth as an excuse to slap his other cheek again. Andy pulled you back now, “Sweetheart it’s not worth it. It’s okay.”

“You don’t even know anything about him Y/N,” he straightened up himself. “I may be a cheater, but I am not born a murderer.”

Andy left his grip from your arms, feeling him slowly move away inside your house.

“What?”

"Did you know his father in jail? Bloody Billy Barber? For murdering a girl?”

You felt your heart feeling heavy. “N-no.”

“Oh jolly, good luck processing that! By the way, Sasha my girlfriend and I are going on a vacation for a couple of weeks so, Nikolai will not be coming- “

You weren’t listening to him because you shut the door on his face. You slowly processed what you had heard. You never pressed Andy because you respected his choice. His words.

“Is this true Andy?”

You earned a small nod from his burried face in his own hands.

How could you forget? It was one of your best nights. You never doubted him and even after hearing this, you really didnt.

You both were really drunk that night (every night of the week actually), rolling on the bed with each other naked. "I have a lot more skeletons in my closet than you think Y/N.”

“Have you cheated on anyone?”

“No”

“Have you stolen monies?”

“No, you silly” “Have you killed anyone?” Andy giggled and said “No!“ He smacked your forehead. "Then consider that closet empty. I like you, this Andy Barber, not the Newton County’s DA. The hot swimming instructor who hates Speedos and loves backrubs.” By the time you could process this information, Andy got up and gently grabbed you by your shoulders, his watery eyes doing no job of his distress. “Andy listen to me okay. Wait-” “I wanna stay alone for a couple of days okay? I want to apologize if I feel like I’m abandoning you. I-I am not though…” “Bubba we can talk about this.” You pleaded him, cupping his cheek. “Just talk to me bubba please.” “No, I don’t think so Y/N. I can order take out okay. Don’t wait for dinner night for me. Thanks for last night. I’ll never forget it.” He places a quick kiss on your forehead only to leave in a hurry. “I still like you okay.”

You wanted to cry. You wanted to scream. You didn’t like how this was going.

You processed it. Andy’s father was a murderer, not Andy himself.

If Andy wasn’t going to process that, you would do that for him too.

You would do anything to get happiness in this man’s life now.

–

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rurifangirl · 4 years ago

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aight. here somes the ask lore thingie

tw for ppl readin: mention of mental illness, father mention

firstly, how did rui end up meetin the rest of the gang? did they all have sum sort of run in? did they just happen to meet on exident?

also is the father a villain? i remember ya mention him, and was wonderin

and do they have a specific place where they stay? like in a dormstory, a single house, do they live in a single town, or in completly different places?

do any of them suffer from mental/physical illnesses? if they do, how does it affect their life/relationships w others?

Aight, so here we go, be ready cuz shit's long.

(1st part - The Rui n the gang meeting; The Shou meeting) No Tw

Honestly, I also kinda wanted to do this for quite a long time, so I'm gonna firstly talk about how the gang (w/o really mentioning the others name's since they're gonna get introduced soon) met itself and decided to form, and then I'll individually do It in Lyva's and Shou's case, specifically Shou's since i mentioned that his meetin was somethin id have to take care of in another post, so i will rn.

First things first, w the whole gang. Now It wasn't really casually, mainly because Lyva n Rui did meet up, but It was during a special occasion still, that being a really important manifestation in one of the main regions in my oc universe. (They don't have name's yet so pls don't bash me🤡) Them being primarly the Forest, where Rui eventually lives in after all of his past shit, the near-countryside part, where Lyva was living, a pretty much city living on water, where Shou's currently living, and many more, as such the dunes with which I'll introduce Qiran (hopefully tomorrow/today),The sea itself, some High up places and as I said many, many other more. Other than this brief intro, they meet up where Lyva used to live, but mainly because of problems and out of conviniance.

Everyone had something to take back from, so they agreed to help eachother to reach that end, so it's all really planned. Now i won't really go w Lyva, cuz i explained how she met Rui the first time n how they helped her, so I don't need to ramble more on this. Now I'm gonna go w Shou's part though.

This Is more of a note i wanted y'all to know first, cuz i really like how Lyva n Rui met him the first time (cuz the second time was when the gang then all agreed to form n all that jazz.). Basically, Rui n Lyva were out, n visiting new places as such, to prepare themselves further and to try and search for more weapons, cuz they both knew that they'd eventually get in trouble, and even though they still are good, they wouldn't stand much a chance, n since Shou's Place is known for its production they decided to go. N fun fact, there's many funny shit that happends, for example Rui tries to touch a fish, but gets SLAPPED by It. They're still mad >:[. Ajkskdj anyways, some other stuff happends n they just, lose themselves. They had a map ofc but still managed to do so. But Rui was usin It so, I don't really blame em for gettin lost.

Shit happends n they find themselves pratically in front of his shrine/palace. Shou's servitors (cuz he saw everything happend from afar n gave them the okay) brought em in, but rather than makin em idk some tea n just making them recouver, Shou rather put them under some "tests" w/o tellin em, to see if they were any use.

For example he brought them some cups of tea, but before drinking them Rui noticed somethin unusual in the water, so they gave Lyva a sign to not drink It, n as Shou asked as a reason why they just replied that they weren't thirsthy, leavin Shou in a kind of defeated state. Bitch if i love this part honestly, there's so much fun to seein all of their reactions, but I'm gonna go brief rn. So other of this tests pass later n Shou eventually gets upset cuz they're all winnin n seemingly makin fun of him, lettin him in a weaket standpoint, n a fight happends. Even though it's a 2v1 situation he can still manage pretty well, so It ends in a draw. They get to talk after this and get to understand that they don't have to necesseraly be on the opposite side, though Shou Is still unsure whether to belive in that or not.

After they leave him, pratically almost alone w only a bunch of servitors helpin him. He admits defeat n won't show up until the event and yadayada. (Also it's during this weak time of his he'll meet Qiran which i already have plans w so it's all goin to be said bout their relationship in their post.)

(2nd part, the father mention.) Tw:father mention

So it's true that w Shou i did mention his father, but I'm not entirely sure bout his involvment honestly. In theory he kind of is a villain itself, even because of his devilish nature, so it's true, but im not sure whether to make him an independent villain or part of a group of them. But rather than that yes, i do want to make him some sort of villain in the end, because that's also part of Shou's agreement to be part of the group. I will make concept art for him so he'll definetly be involved. Not gonna lie, mabye that bastards also involved w Rui's cult too in a way or another but im givin in too many details holy shit I'll never get outta this fuck

(3rd part- where do they live) No Tw

They live in their own homes honestly, but It would be no surprise if they'd all decide to sleep over someone in specifical, though they have their own place. I made some concepts for Rui's intern home, which here It Is 😤 (forgive me for the bad quality but it's 2 am rn 🤡) I made this a while ago but only did Rui's, so I'll do Lyva's, Shou's n the other one's too. They live in different places, for the exception of, atm, Qiran, since I'm gonna say that they're more of a traveller n don't have a stable home.

(4th part- the mental/physical ilnesses) Tw: Self harm and Mental ilness mention

Well, this Is gonna be a ride. They all suffer from Ptsd, which Rui n Shou suffering from It the most. It still affects them all, though in different occasions, so Imma just do them in specifical. (Also because i gotta add some shit to shou that i didn't wanna add because i thought It was too much honestly)

Rui-

It affects them really much. They use crystals n gems to avoid anything going w their past or anything remotely related It, as whenever they feel awful about havin those flashbacks when they still were a child. They never want to talk about what happened, n during their moments It gets really, really bad. Both emotionally and physically, as their body sometimes cannot handle anything so it completely shuts down. They never really got any help for It as Rui's too scared to share bout their experience, both because of trauma itself that doesn't make them say anything even if they wanted to and because of the cults influence, so either way they've got to handle It by their own.

Lyva-

Other than havin to deal w mornin sickness, which Is the least for her, she has to deal w her neglectful childood and how desperate she's always been for litteraly anythin, whether it's related about love,friendship, food, toys, anything. She tried to seek for help and semi found It, but as of now she can't keep up w It and has better things to take care of. It's still really bad overall, but she's hoping for things to get better. Spoiler It really won't.

Shou-

⭕Tw for sh⭕

It's... really fucking bad. I'm gonna get outta this w saying something i didn't want to add because it's really triggerin, but im gonna do It now. So basically, I've mentioned them acting feminenly for his own mother, but i didn't say what would've happened if he displeased her. She would just stare down at him and whispering some awful shit or names. This would happen especially whenever he'd slip off that mask of his or revealed even a tiny bit of his devilish essence. Note that he's still a child here. So, best thing he could to was to "punish" himself, which basically consists of him scratching his arms too much and, i don't really want to continue this, forgive me but it's kind of triggering even for me. But...you can guess what he's doing, since he even to this day still keeps sharp nails. I'm sorry for putting this, but it's another way to show how his mother fucked him up and now suffering from this.

I'm sorry for rushin the last part but i'm not personally vibing w it.

Tags undercut

@a-chaotic-dumbass @spoopy-fish-writes @dopesaladlady @damnfoxx (I'm really unsure bout taggin ya in this ;-;)

If you want your tag removed, dm me cuz it's 3 am at the moment n i may have messed em up. (I'm not gonna recheck tomorrow so that's why)

#whdkkwkwkdk honestly I've written so fucjing much n for what😭😭#ruruasks #rurusocs #ruruslore #oc #ocs #my ocs stuff #rui #Lyva #shou #oc lore #i hope this shit doesn't flop cuz I've written so much n im just goinwbdjlwkdjdowodijqowodjdjoaodjdjdj #asks

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saundraswriting · 4 years ago

Text

Cosmogyral

I decided to participate in a writing challenge for a great author, Georgie at @bonkywobble. This is the first of two prompts for this challenge. I hope you enjoy it!

SUMMARY: Cosmogyral: (Adj.) Whirling around the universe. Bucky stops whirling about the universe once the reader enters his life.

This is being posted on my writing blog instead of my main blog @saundrasays. Please check out my other works if you wish.

Masterlist // Ao3

Recovery was hard. Shuri and everyone in Wakanda did what they could for him. They were able to somehow fix his brainwaves into being triggerless, but he still had so much trauma to work through that some days he could barely move. There were days that the weight of the world bent his back, his hands were stained red. His time in Wakanda helped him learn how to be human again, caring for the goats and interacting with people, he even relearned his strength. He was able to train and spar and not kill and that did great things for his mental health. He was stable, but not happy. He wasn’t sure what would make him happy anymore.

“Hey, Buck.” A deep voice came through the sparring room. Bucky looked over from where he was working at a punching bag. His eye brightened significantly seeing you and Steve come through the door.

“Y/N! Hey. Good to see you too, Steve.” Bucky smiled, walking over to them. Steve shot Bucky a knowing grin at the enthusiasm but said nothing.

“We came to move you out of basic training, dingbat.” You were rocking back and forth from toe to heel, excitement palatable. “You based all your checks and Shuri and the others gave the recommendation for a return to New York.” You were grinning from ear to ear. You and Bucky had grown close over the events with Zemo and the almost Civil War.

You were one of the few that successfully drove attention from the in-fighting to the bigger problems, also pointed out that the Accords as they were written were terrible. Your involvement led to a peaceful reconciliation and explanation instead of a practical disbandment of the Avengers, much to yours and everyone’s pleasure. You worked closely with everyone to get their opinions and strived to find solutions, one of those was a location change. You suggested a move to somewhere out of sight, fit for training and bonding. No one was against you and as such you were along for the ride to collect one of the remaining members.

“Wait, what? I can go home?” Bucky froze, mouth slightly open and eyes wide. Then slowly, like a sunrise a grin crossed his face. His eyes scrunched up and he had dimples on his cheeks. The shoulders that seemed to be weighed down by something relaxed and eased, making him seem younger.

“Yep! We are gonna help ya pack and then get you home. Well sort of. We don’t live in the city proper anymore. But I think you will like this better, anyways.” You put your hand to the side of your mouth to whisper. “It was my idea.” You winked and turned quickly on your heel. “Hurry the hell up, oldies. We got shit to do and places to be.” You trotted out of the room hollering for Shuri, even though you knew exactly where she was.

“You heard her. Let’s get a move on. She waits for no man, let alone to 100 year old super soldiers.” Steve clapped Bucky on the back. Bucky huffed and nodded. The two of them cleaned up Bucky’s small mess and then slowly made their way to his small house to pack his meager belongings. They knew you would find them eventually. You had friends in Wakanda too.

A few hours later, Bucky’s last two years of his life were packed in discreet plain cardboard boxes the fit easily into the back of the Quinjet. Bucky had already said his goodbyes and was anxiously waiting in a sit behind Steve. You were at least on the ramp, loitering in your goodbyes, you were laughing and waving as the door closed. You settled down for take off and noticed Bucky’s look.

“You do know that not having a lot of thigs isn’t a bad thing, right? That just means you weren’t meant to settle down there. The next place I hope for you is a forever place and if not, I’ll help you find it. We have all the time you need. You aren’t alone anymore.” You said. You were trying to comfort Bucky, but knew you fell short.

“I guess that is true. I was too busy learning to heal and get healthy to be worried about stuff. I can get things now. I can have stuff.” Bucky said. He grabbed your hand and squeezed.

“Yep. You get to be a person now, isn’t that great. Decisions are all around you.” You said. You squeezed his hand back. “I know I just said that but to make the move easier and a bigger surprise, I did choose some of the things for your room, which if you don’t like we can change.” You let go of Bucky’s hand before settling down in your chair.

“This is your captain speaking. We have reached cruising altitude. I would like to thank you for flying Stark Air and Have a wonderful day.” Steve said from the cockpit.

You sighed and rubbed the bridge of your nose. “Great. Thanks, Steve. I have so much shit to do. I have three godamn reports to file and a STRIKE team to brief for Fury. I’ll be in the tech room if you need me.” With that you headed off to a small room to the side, where you began briefing the team you’d mentioned and reviewing the reports you needed to file.

“Bucky, you can sit up here. I don’t bite.” Steve said. He and you had worn civilian clothes, Steve was relaxed in his seat, letting the auto pilot have control. “I hope you liked your surprise. I hope you like your surprise. She worked very hard on it. She’s sweet on you.”

“Nah. She’s sweet on everyone. I am sure I will like it. She gets me pretty well. When I first woke up here, after Shuri cleared me of triggers, she was one of the first people I met. She happened to be walking through the lab and somehow knew that I was uncomfortable with the prodding even though I didn’t know. Then in a snap, she was everywhere. Not maliciously, just comfortingly on the edge of my radar, especially at the beginning. It’s no wonder, why I love her the way I do. She means a lot to me. Right now, I am okay with it being sweetness and softness and warmth. If one day it becomes thick and heavy and hot then I am okay with that too.” Bucky said. He couldn’t look Steve in the eye, only able to focus on his fingers, rubbing his human fingers against his cybernetic ones.

“Well then. I think I am embarrassed, and I was the one who mentioned it.” Steve could feel the heat on his cheeks. He laughed softly. “I am happy for you Bucky. I really am.”

The two of them chatted for most of the ride, finally you joined in after getting your work done. All too soon though, the jet alerted everyone to the start of the descent, forcing you all to return to your seats. Upon arrival, the boxes were left to be delivered later by a shield team. You and Steve had explained the upstate compound to him while packing in Wakanda, the solution to many problems, a training ground for new Avenger candidates and such. Your trio headed straight to Bucky’s room, the anticipation making you tremble.

“This is my room, but you look more excited.” Bucky pointed out. The two of you had been walking next to each other from the hangar but every few feet somehow, you’d shifted to the right or left, orbiting each other. Steve could barely stomach the nauseating aura the two of you put off. You couldn’t stop smiling and your kept clapping every few steps laughing in excitement.

“My love language is acts of service for a reason, buckaroo. I like doing things for the resident dumbass.” You grinned, reaching for Bucky’s hand, that was already reaching for yours. Steve silently gagged from behind the two of you.

The three of you reached the room, but Steve kept going. This wasn’t something he wanted to intrude upon. He had seen and heard enough with all your questions you had for him. You and Bucky stopped in front of his door. There was a biometric scanner next to the door but also a regular lock. You pulled a single key on a goat keychain and handed it over, your fingers trembling. Bucky grabbed on, his fingers brushing yours. You didn’t let go just yet.

“Welcome home, Sargent James Buchanan Barnes.” You took a deep breath and let go of the keys.

“Thank you. I promise, there is no need to be nervous. You did this for me, out of the goodness of your heart, I will love it.” ‘I already love you.’ He thought, he swallowed the words down though. He unlocked the door, ignoring his own nerves and pushed the door open.

His room had several big windows with a window seat, overlooking the acres and acres of land. There were shelves along one wall, several filled with books already, and movies. There were several plants hanging near the window seat. The walls were a muted blue/gray color and the sheets were chocolate color with what looked like a dozen pillows. The ceiling however was covered in a projection it looked like. It was too real to be painted but too artificial to be real. It was soothing and inviting and had just the right things to make him feel welcomed into his new home.

“The ceiling is something Shuri helped with. It is a projection from tech in the top of your walls. You can change it to project and sky from anywhere. Just ask SKYNET.” Bucky looked at you in awe. You had worked so hard to make him a place to call his own. “There are some books, movies, video games. The computer and tablet and phone are loaded to go with logins and apps and payment methods, I wrote down all that in a notebook in the desk too. I have a re-education guide for pop culture there too, same one I used for Steve except yours is more cause documentaries and I know you’d enjoy it more. I stocked the kitchenette with stuff already, nothing super perishable but snack foods and such.” You were rambling to cover your nerves; you both knew it. The more you spoke the more embarrassed you got. The more you talked the more Bucky felt his whole world shift, his entire existence tightened, to you and only you.

Recovery was hard, especially had been hard on him. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to be doing or where he was going. He was just floating, purposeless until you.

“Do you like it?” Bucky realized he had been staring not at the room but at you while you were talking. He could see the love and care you put into the room, not just the room but into your wordless confession.

“Yeah, I love you.” Bucky grabbed your hand, pulling you into a tight hug.

#saundrasays #bonkyshalfwayto1k #saundraswriting #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fluff

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