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Ad Astra or This Movie Was the Brad Pitts

Ad Astra was the worst movie I have paid to see since 2015’s Kill Your Friends, which is my least favourite cinema experience of all time. It was a dry and dreary story about emotionally stunted white men in a bleak and boring capitalist version of space, with jarring and superfluous Christian undertones. The plot and everyone’s motives were so non-existent that Brad Pitt had to narrate the whole thing in a monotone so flat and dead I literally screamed all the way from the cinema to the bus stop when it was over, partly out of a frustration so deep it was non-verbal, but also just to finally hear some pitch variation.

*Ad Astra spoilers follow*

There technically were women in this movie. Lots of women, particularly women of colour, occupied high ranking positions and were addressed by their titles, a touch I think is important and that usually tips the scales in favour of a good review for me. We were graced with Adjutant General Vogel (LisaGay Hamilton), Captain Lu (Freda Foh Shen), Sergeant Romano (Kimmy Shields), Tanya Pincus (Natasha Lyonne) and Lorraine Deavers (Kimberly Elise), as well as several unnamed female personnel (Kayla Adams, Elisa Perry, Sasha Compère and Mallory Low). I would like to particularly highlight Natasha Lyonne’s performance as apparently she was the only actor employed to play a human being and not a replicant. She was on screen for maybe twenty seconds, as is sadly the case with most of these women, but was a glorious breath of fresh air as the only character to simultaneously emote expressively and speak with inflection and enthusiasm. The only one! In a two hour movie!

All of these women appear to be respected and capable members of various illustrious teams, but are always outnumbered by men. There are two male generals alongside Vogel and Deavers is initially outnumbered 4:1 on her space craft by men. Tragically, whenever a team is being picked off, it is always the people of colour who die first. Not only is this obviously racist, it is just a disgusting cliché that we just don’t need to see anymore in movies. Deavers dies first when Roy (Brad Pitt) forcibly invades their vehicle, followed by Franklin Yoshida (Bobby Nish), an Asian man, and Donald Stanford (Loren Dean), a white guy, is the last to go. Roy cradles him in his arms and attempts to save his life. I hope it’s not just me that sees something wrong with the order of events there.

A similar scenario takes place in the lunar chase, which absurdly seems to occur in the same crapy looking buggies as the original moon landing, a confusing visual choice considering we’ve just seen a vast and impressive modern concrete moon base. The film takes the time to introduce us to Willie Levant (Sean Blakemore), a black officer who will be escorting Ray across the moon. As soon as we see he has a photo of his wife and child taped to his tablet screen I knew he was going to die - in the year 2019 I should not be able to predict that a black character is going to die because we saw a family photo. Can we just not anymore? Again, aside from the racism, that’s just shitty writing. I like to think that as a species, if we can conceptualise something as vast and seemingly impossible as solar travel, we can also move beyond basic and derogatory cinematic tropes.

I was most excited by the appearance of Helen Lantos (Ruth Negga), a woman of colour who occupies a position of power on Mars and introduces herself assertively using her full name. Also, her whole look was excellent. However, this brief release of serotonin was very short lived as she literally walks Roy down a corridor then is immediately cut off and superseded by a white guy with a man bun. Lantos does return later, but alas, as an exposition machine to give Roy some plot news about his dad. Even as she explains that her parents were murdered by his, Lantos falls victim to the dire, emotionless monotone that I can only assume was forced on the entire cast of this film. Then, she is an actual chauffeur and drives Ray to a manhole so he can continue his dad quest. A character brimming with original potential is presented as nothing more than a device.

The final woman to mention is the first one we see, Roy’s ex-wife Eve (Liv Tyler). We see the blurry, out of focus back of her head in the background of a shot before we see her face, and this is incredibly telling, because that’s all Eve is, the simulacrum of a woman. She could be anybody - so why she is Liv Tyler defies belief, I can only assume they held her loved ones hostage - her story is untold and entirely irrelevant. Again, she is only a device, although this time not for Roy’s forward momentum, but this time seemingly to emphasise that Roy is a total sociopath with no emotions whatsoever. We don’t learn Eve’s name for another twenty minutes, and it is an hour and twenty minutes before we hear her speak. Even then, it’s not a live conversation, because god forbid this film have too many of those, but a voice recording explaining that their relationship is over. I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty sure that’s what it was, but everything she said was so generic I have no memory of it whatsoever. She is presented as a ghost, a blurry image on a screen, a memory fixed in time, not a real person with agency and personality. At the end of the movie we finally see her in real time, and that is when she has made the unfathomable decision to meet Roy for coffee. Even her face in that moment gives no emotion away, perhaps because Tyler had no idea how to act this entirely nonsensical decision. To our knowledge, she would not have seen any change in Roy, only received news that he survived a dangerous space mission, which is apparently enough of a reason to get back with this emotionless egg of a man?

I almost didn’t want to devote words to them, but I think it’s important to address just how dire Roy and his dad H. Clifford McBride (Tommy Lee Jones) are. This is their film, they are the reason that all of these women’s stories are passed over. It is made clear over and over again that both Roy and Clifford believe they are the only people capable of completing their various missions. Roy hijacks a ship and inadvertently kills everyone on board because he thinks that it’s his destiny or whatever to get his dad back, never mind that they were all highly trained space personnel who were arguably better suited to the mission precisely because it wasn’t their dad. Clifford straight up murders his whole crew because they are too “small minded” to fly off further and further into space forever on a mission that has yet yielded absolutely no evidence of their goals. A variety of talented human beings are destroyed because of the entitlement of white men, their delusional and unshakable conviction that they are at the centre of the universe and that no one else could possibly accomplish the lofty goals that kismet apparently calls them to.

The way they speak about themselves and to each other is absolutely psychotic. Roy’s solo musings include, “The flight recorder will tell the story, but history will have to decide,” and “In the end, the son suffers the sins of the father.” Clifford imparts his son with the delightful greeting of, “There was never anything there for me, I never cared for you or your mother or your small ideas.” In addition, they both physically flinch from human contact at various points in the move. Now, I totally understand that we live in a neurodiverse world and that many people experience emotions and social interactions in any number of ways, and that is a beautiful thing that makes our world so interesting to live in. However, that these men both abjectly state that they have no empathy is presented within the context of their megalomaniacal ideals that they must accomplish their god-given quests irregardless of how many people they have to kill along the way. It is a facet of their strangely two-dimensional, arrogant and narcissistic personalities, not one part of many complex features that make a complete and relatable human being.

Roy has to literally say out loud that he is a human being at the end of the movie; “I will rely on those closest to me…I will live and love,” which makes him sound more like a learning AI trying to pass a Turing test than anything else. The music swells as Clifford throws himself towards the surface of Neptune in an orchestral deluge that is unsubtly significant in this very quiet film, as though I’m supposed to start crying and think anything other than, “well thank fuck, it’s about time this murderer dies in the cold vacuum of space, I hope Roy stays spinning and screaming here forever too.” We are supposed to feel sympathy for them as the heroes of this movie, despite the fact that they show no care for anyone else throughout the whole thing and act entirely in their own self interests.

Overall, the women in this film are given about five seconds of potential as they introduce themselves variously as decorated soldiers and otherwise capable personnel, before being shoved to the side, or murdered, for Roy. This is obviously objectionable, but is made so much worse by the fact that Roy is an emotionless, entitled, empathy-less white man who doesn’t care if other people have to die for him to get what he wants. That is what these women are being passed up in favour of. I felt like I was watching a two hour long Voight-Kampff test. Space movies like this should be about what we can achieve if we work together as a species, not about how white men will still be the kings of dreary capitalism, even on the moon. We can do better than this.

And now for some asides:

What the actual fuck was the font at the beginning? I guess a red serif all caps should have alerted me to the fact that I was about to watch a horror movie.

As a lover of space horror, I was absolutely gutted that it was a bad CG angry baboon and not a cool gross alien. Also, what was that scene? “Hmm, we need to get rid of this loser because Brad Pitt is the best at space ships and he needs to be the captain. Uhh…what about…space monkeys? Yeah! Space monkeys on a deserted Norwegian ship. That makes sense.”

Can I just have a film bout those moon pirates fighting space capitalism please? I was more invested in them that anyone else in this garbage movie.

Credit for the Bradd Pitts joke goes to the talented and lovely Ed Cheverton

[mothermaidenclone-blog]

Godzilla: King of the Monsters or It’s All About That Queen Bee Though

Godzilla: King of the Monsters was a very cool movie. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but was it also a gloriously fun, utterly ridiculous romp? Definitely. Warner Bros. knew we wanted to watch a bunch of massive monsters beat the ever-loving shit out of each other, and they certainly delivered on that front. As with any Godzilla movie, the main problem was that they spent too much time on the tiny, insignificant people and not enough on the aforementioned battling titans. However, there were some notable ladies featured amongst the squishy humans.

*Godzilla: King of the Monsters spoilers follow*

The first on screen conversation takes place between two women, Dr. Emma Russell (Vera Farmiga) and her daughter Madison (Millie Bobby Brown). Dr. Russell is evidently an exceptional scientist, as she has invented a device to communicate with, and to some extent control, the titans. She is also portrayed as brave and compassionate, risking her life to run to the aid of Mothra with her ORCA device. In addition, she wants her daughter to be strong and to experience what life has to offer, helping her to stroke Mothra once it has calmed down. She then guides her through the horrors of being held captive with the advice, “Eyes straight ahead, deep breaths, just like we talked about.” She isn’t shielding Madison from what is happening, but trying to help her to cope with it on her own.

However, it soon turns out that Dr. Russell is one of the villains of the movie, as she approached the eco terrorist Jonah Alan (Charles Dance) rather than being abducted by him, as it first appeared. As such, she is responsible for countless deaths in the movie, regardless of whether or not she is acting for the greater good of the planet. On the other hand, she is unwavering in the defence of her decisions and ethics, and even after the movie has declared her a baddie she is still portrayed as rational and somewhat empathetic.  She justifies her actions as being for the benefit of her daughter, and perhaps her daughter’s whole generation: “I couldn’t be more sane and Madison couldn’t be stronger. At least now she has a fighting chance.” At least Dr. Russell is granted a redemptive end - she dies saving not only her family, but arguably the entire planet, from the destructive forces of Ghidorah. It’s still shitty that she dies, no two ways about it, but at least she is granted some agency. Once a film like this declares you a villain you don’t stand a chance - it’s a noble sacrifice on her part and she isn’t just squashed by a giant monster foot while delivering a monologue about how her plans were right all along.

One of Dr. Russell’s plans does come to fruition, and that is that Madison becomes an incredibly strong young woman. She goes from slyly flipping off Jonah at the start of the movie to literally standing down Ghidorah and screaming right back in his fucking face. Now, it could well be argued that these are not the most considered of actions, but it cannot be denied that Madison has some nerve. In addition to being categorically courageous, Madison is also intelligent and principled. When she sees that Ghidorah’s rampage is becoming uncontrollable, she not only steals the ORCA from under the nose of a group of highly organised armed terrorists and escapes their fortified secret base, taking the time to appropriately supply herself for her journey (like no one in movies ever does!), but she also figures out the most effective location to broadcast from and operates the ORCA independently. Kudos to Madison, she knows what she’s doing. She does end up having to be rescued by her parents but two things are worth remembering at this point: firstly, Madison has just done her bit to save the entire planet and secondly, she is still a child. She’s more than allowed to run scared for a moment when a three-headed, lightning-breathing dragon from space is trying to cause the end of days.

Dr. Vivienne Graham (Sally Hawkins) reprises her role from the first film, and we are treated to a brief reminder of what a competent, intrepid scientist and eloquent, fearless defender of Godzilla she is before she is unceremoniously felled by Ghidorah. I didn’t even notice her death, and while it’s true I might have been taking notes and missed it, I was informed by a small piece of text on a character’s computer screen, which seems like an unnecessarily dismissive way to end the life of such an intrinsic character to the series.

Perhaps in an attempt to compensate for the loss of Dr. Graham, several new named female characters were introduced, and credit where credit’s due, pretty much all of these women are immediately addressed by their name and title. This not only shows them the respect they are due, but saved me the kind of IMDB credits trawling I usually have to do when writing a review. We meet another of Monarch’s top scientists, Dr. Ilene Chen (Ziyi Zhang). She is notable not only for her scientific competency, but also for her heritage, as she reveals she is the direct descendant of one of the female founders of Monarch, and shows a selection of photos of completely badass looking explorers and scientists that make up her family, all of whom are women. Her twin sister, Dr. Ling (also Ziyi Zhang) also briefly features, although she is seemingly working for the terrorists. We don’t see much of her except for an appropriately awed look at the hatching of Mothra, but it’s safe to assume by her presence at the site that she is an equally accomplished scientist. Dr. Chen is also notable for being an advocate of not blowing Godzilla to smithereens, pointing out that, “slaying dragons is a western concept.”

Another new female character is Colonel Diane Foster (Aisha Hinds), an extremely competent officer and woman of colour, who seems to be in charge of the military branch of Monarch’s operations. She continues to excel throughout the movie, surviving the attack that killed Dr. Graham and continuing to lead others safely through danger until the end. Foster is shown to be a strong leader as well as a distinguished field officer - she is a highly skilled sniper who cares deeply about saving innocent lives.

Black women continue to occupy positions of power, if not leading roles, in Godzilla: King of the Monsters, as further exemplified by Senator Williams (CCH Pounder), who presides over the Monarch hearing at the start of the film and appears to have the power to turn the whole organisation over to the military if she so chooses. Women do very much inhabit the world of this movie, with many women being present of all sides of the conflict as scientists, soldiers and terrorists alike. Although I’m not sure we hear all their names, many are credited, including Asaj (Tracy Garrison), one of Jonah’s team, First Lieutenant Griffin (Elizabeth Ludlow), Lieutenant Bottin (Natalie Shaheen), G-Team Officer Harryhausen (Shauna Rappold), Argo Officer Arvin (Skylar Denney), Argo Officer Cross (Kelli Garner) and a news anchor (Fiona Hardingham) who is one of the first voices we hear in the movie. The fact that two of these characters are named for practical effects superstars tells me that they held a special place in the hearts of the movie makers.

However wonderful all of these women are, let’s talk about the real leading lady of this movie - Mothra. Not only is she utterly radiant and resplendent, she can hold her own in a fight -  penetrating Rodan with her stinger - and apparently has the monumental power of the ability to resurrect Godzilla. In short, she’s amazing. She is also the only titan to be named as female, which makes it all the more shitty that she’s the only one - other than the big bad Ghidorah - to die. It seems even female kaiju aren’s safe from the played out and tired fate of dying for the benefit of their male counterparts. Now, my little brother (who is more of a Gozilla expert than me) texted me as soon as he knew I’d seen the movie to tell me not to worry and that Mothra is apparently immortal, because he knew I’d be so cross and sad about this. Thanks, baby bro. However, as this is not addressed in the movie, I have to stand by my initial assessment that Mothra’s death is pure garbage.

Overall, the women in Godzilla: King of the Monsters are incredibly strong and adept in a wide variety of fields ranging from science to combat, are without exception incredibly brave, and most of them hold to a high moral code. Furthermore, for a monster movie where presumably thousands of people are slaughtered, their mortality rate isn’t too bad. I think one more named male character dies than female, but this doesn’t make the loss of talented female scientists on screen any easier to swallow. Also, they killed Mothra, so I can never forgive them. Well, not until she comes back in a sequel and fucks up some even bigger bastards because you know I will watch another Godzilla movie, no hesitation. On balance, this is an absolutely ridiculous movie about giant dragons murdering each other, so I think we’re lucky that so many competent human women were featured at all.

And now for some asides:

Umm, excuse me, was that casually Atlantis? And did you blow it up?

Also did this movie low-key endorse hollow Earth theory?

Thank you, Godzilla: King of the Monsters, for the gift of someone ejector-seating straight into Rodan’s fiery maw. You truly know your audience.

[mothermaidenclone-blog]

Incredibles 2 or Yeah I Suppose it Was Alright or Whatever

I was pretty late to the Incredibles 2 party and so had inadvertently heard lots of opinion about it beforehand. Most people’s reviews seemed to land firmly in one of two camps: it was a real let down or that it blew people away and was the best movie they had ever seen. So, I went into the film with confused expectations. However, I have to say that I came down firmly in the middle - I thought Incredibles 2 was a solidly good movie. I was pleasantly impressed and I enjoyed myself, but I’m not fanatically hyping it up like so many people did to me. The women of Incredibles 2, on the other hand, were truly deserving of that moniker.

*Incredibles 2 spoilers follow*

Helen Parr, or Elastigirl, (Holly Hunter) took much more of a leading role in Incredibles 2 and a large chunk of this movie was about her coming to terms with her independent worth as superhero, separate from her husband Bob, or Mr. Incredible, (Craig T. Nelson). Elastigirl really took centre stage, as it was pointed out that, whilst both her and Mr. Incredible were good in a fight, she has much more control, tact and finesse. Because of this, wealthy brother and sister duo Winston (Bob Odenkirk) and Evelyn Deavor (Catherine Keener) select Helen over Bob for a public relations media stunt to restore the reputation of superheroes. Bob’s bitterness is immediately evident to a cringeworthy degree, and the rest of the film deals with them both coming to terms with their new roles.

Despite both Helen and Bob being crime fighting vigilantes on an equal footing by night, it does seem as though Helen is a stay at home mum and Bob is the one with a day job and career. Therefore, Helen leaving the family to work solo is a shock to both systems. Bob is immediately overwhelmed with what taking care of a family actually means, and his struggle goes a long way to validating the hard work Helen puts in to running things at home on a daily basis. In addition. Bob realises that he needs to do this so that Helen can have her moment in the spotlight and her chance to receive the acclamation that she deserves; he says, “I’ve got to succeed so she can succeed.” By the end of the movie, with a lot of help from a variety of others, Bob learns what it means to be an actively participating father, and it’s good to see a man being allowed to develop emotionally as a person in a traditionally feminine space; that of the domestic home.

Helen, on the other hand, seems to take to her new role with relative ease. She juggles performing amazing elastic based physics stunts on a motorcycle in a high speed chase with helping her son Dash (Huck Milner) find his shoes down the phone. Furthermore, once she has saved the entire monorail from utter destruction, Helen makes sure to ask how Bob is and check in on every member of the family before allowing herself to unload her excitement and pride in her accomplishments. As if this list needs any more added to it, not only can Helen competently pilot a helicopter, but she also checks that all the civilians inside can swim before booting them out of the door to relative watery safety. Helen is not only a caring, giving and loving wife and mother but also a brave and powerful superhero.

As part of Helen’s independent mission, she forms new relationships outside of her nuclear familial bonds. The most notable of these is with Evelyn, her aforementioned benefactor. The pair have a wonderfully genuine conversation about trying to succeed as a woman in a man’s world and attempting to be a female influencer. Evelyn has many impressive traits of her own - she is clearly the brains of the operation where her brother is more of a frontman and people person, once again highlighting the prominence of men taking credit for female achievements. Evelyn is a skilled designer and inventor, as well as apparently being in charge of company analytics. It’s such a shame, therefore, that Evelyn became the villain of this movie, although her motives are logical and well thought out. Evelyn is portrayed as much more mature than her brother, and accuses him of conflating the idea of superheroes existing with a time when his parents were alive, showing her to be more emotionally sophisticated and giving some credence to her role as the antagonist.

Incredibles 2 is somewhat characterised by relationships between powerful women, however brief they may be, and the mutual respect between Helen and the unnamed Ambassador (Isabella Rossellini) is one such example. After Helen saves her, the pair share the short exchange, “Bring lasting peace!”, “I will! When you defeat evil!” This tiny slice of dialogue might seem insignificant, but it’s so rare for women to interact on screen in such a mutually supportive way that has nothing to do with men that it’s worth noting. Especially when both women are acknowledging the power and responsibility they both hold. It is somewhat annoying that the ambassador is not granted a name, but in the same way that this is dehumanising to some extent, it also solidifies her position as a figure of authority who commands respect. Furthermore, as always, it’s good to see an older woman in a position of power.

One relationship that was somewhat absent was that of Helen and her daughter Violet (Sarah Vowell). This is, of course, because Violet is spending more time with her dad, which is also very important, and their relationship strengthens as they both develop a better understanding of each other. If I hadn’t seen the first Incredibles, I’d say that Violet’s character undergoes a journey of significant growth. However, she deals with much the same issues as she does in the first film - wrestling with not wanting her superpowers, accepting them and the responsibility that goes with them and therefore becoming more confident as a person, specifically with regard to her interactions with the opposite sex. All of this would be great if it wasn’t basically exactly what Violet went through in the previous movie. This is especially weird seeing as Incredibles 2 starts exactly where it’s predecessor finished, with Violet talking to her high school crush, Tony (Michael Bird), and then this film ends with them on a date. So, I can’t help but feel as though poor Violet is stuck in a bit of a developmental time loop.

One new - although again very brief - female relationship is that Violet has with a new superhero, Voyd (Sophia Bush). There’s a short but touching scene of the pair complimenting each other towards the end. Boyd is a very honest character, who serves to exemplify the metaphor of superheroes as any marginalised group by speaking about how she felt ostracised because of her abilities, and therefore how glad she is now to be a part of this new superhero family. Speaking of which, this new team assembled by the Deavor siblings - if we do not include Elastigirl - has a ratio of 5:1 male to female members, so this is either another comment about making it in a man’s world, or just some shitty statistics.

One final named female character remains, everybody’s favourite, Edna Mode (Brad Bird). Edna continues to be an endless fountain of witty, acerbic one-liners, but even she has some more in depth development in Incredibles 2. Bob leaves her with his baby, Jack Jack (Eli Fucile), so that she can design a super suit for him once he starts showing his powers, and Edna protests, “I am not a baby person, Robert. […] I am an artist!” This could have resolved itself in a very saccharine way, with Edna’s long dormant maternal instincts finally surfacing. However, the opposite happens, and Edna instead influences Jack Jack, bringing out the artist in him - he even begins to mimic Edna’s mannerisms and movements. They part ways as creative collaborators, not surrogate mother and baby.

Overall, Incredibles 2 is mainly the story of Helen as Elastigirl, and by extension, the story of women everywhere battling against the odds of sexism and the patriarchy, trying to succeed as both mothers and independent heroes. It’s also just a fun family movie where people make pew-pew noises with their mouths when using a baby as a laser gun, so maybe I’m reading into it a little too much.

And now for some asides:

I plan to save the clip of Edna justifying not having children because she’s an artist to my phone for family occasions to play when people ask where their grandchildren are.

Something about Evelyn reminded me of a proper old school Gerry Anderson puppet, except for her posture, which was the most relaxed and full of personality I think I’ve ever seen a woman be animated.

Ooh! I wonder if their red plates were the infamous radioactive Brilliant Red Fiesta Dinnerware! Maybe that’s where their superpowers come from!

[mothermaidenclone-blog]

Solo: A Star Wars Story or I Don’t Know What I Expected From A Movie Named After One Bloke

The newest additions to the ever expanding Star Wars pantheon have left me with mixed feelings: the official episodes have been thoroughly enjoyable with vastly improved female representation, but Solo: A Star Wars Story has joined Rogue One in having some great moments, but being a let down for the ladies overall. Solo in particular ticked so many boxes on my list of The Bad Things™ that can be inflicted on female characters.

*Solo: A Star Wars Story spoilers follow*

Arguably the main female character is Qi’ra (Emilia Clarke), the childhood sweetheart of the eponymous Han Solo (Alden Ehrenreich), if that’s an appropriate term for young lovers trying to escape the darkest depths of crime, subjugation and despair together. We are introduced to the couple with their relationship already well established, and see only one brief, tender moment between the pair before their action packed escape sequence begins. Qi’ra’s failed flight from her and Han’s oppressors was the first of many tragic fates to befall the women of this film that I felt as a predictive pang in my chest before it happened. It was clear that Han needed to suffer this loss to develop in the way that the franchise has already determined that he will, so there was no way that Qi’ra was making it out of that spaceport with him. Thus, so far in the film she is a device to explain Han’s motivations more than she is a character.

In the elapsing time before we meet Qi’ra again she has suffered many unseen but suggested horrors, but she nevertheless reappears looking glamorous at a lavish party on the luxury yacht of crime boss Dryden Vos (Paul Bethany). Before anyone gets too excited, however, she is very much his possession rather than ally, colleague or even employee - she is literally branded by him so as not to leave any doubt about her situation. When she finally escapes Dryden’s clutches by murdering him at the end of the movie, she is awarded one, brief moment of caressing the evil office chair where we can believe that, however deplorable her situation, at least she is the boss now. Alas, it is not to be; our parting view of Qi’ra is a conversation she has with her new overlord, who is Darth Maul (Sam Witwer) for some baffling reason. He states, “Qi’ra, you and I will her working much more closely from now on,” in a gravelly, creepy whisper, closing Qi’ra’s part in this story with her being passed from the possession of one evil man to another.

Qi’ra’s defeat of Dryden, despite it being the desperate, split-second act of someone clutching at survival, is framed as an act of betrayal. This concept haunts Qi’ra throughout Solo; Han’s new best friend/mentor/father figure, Beckett (Woody Harrelson) is constantly suggesting that Qi’ra cannot be trusted, despite turning out to be a turncoat himself. Qi’ra is portrayed as that awful stereotype of a woman who’ll make you believe she’s in love with you to take advantage of you somehow, then throw you under the bus the moment she’s finished with you, probably winking over her shoulder at you and shrugging, before slinking away in some sort of cocktail dress. All of this is compounded by the fact that several characters, including Beckett and Qi’ra herself, keep implying that Han will no longer love Qi’ra if he knows the things she’s done, when he’s spent the intervening years since he last saw her stealing, shooting and cheating his way around the galaxy. Why is it okay for him to have a shady past, but not her? This reputation is completely unjustified when she appears to make very similar life choices to Han, but he is portrayed as a plucky survivor and loveable rogue rather than a double-crosser or back-stabber.

Another woman who receives a very raw deal in Solo is Val (Thandie Newton), Beckett’s lover. Initially, her inclusion seems wonderful as she is a middle-aged black woman portrayed as a crack-shot marksman and highly capable career criminal. However, any joy at this representational success is as short lived as Val herself, who promptly sacrifices herself in an explosion to destroy a bridge during a train heist. Her death is particularly annoying for a number of reasons; firstly, it’s the classic - and my least favourite - move of killing a woman to legitimise a male display of emotion and serve as motivation for said man and secondly, they don’t even pull off the robbery! Han is forced to dump the cargo mere minutes later, so Val’s death is totally in vain. It’s a reckless waste of such a promising character.

It’s not just human women who are at risk of sudden death in Solo, as proved by L3-37 (Phoebe Waller-Bridge), a female droid. L3-37 is the source of much of the comedy in Solo; some of it generated by her, such as her dry and anarchistic personality, but she is also the butt of some of it, mainly in the form of her assertions that Lando Calrissian (Donald Glover) is in love with her. The audience is clearly supposed to find this idea ludicrous and laughable, sharing many a rolled eye with characters on screen. However, when L3-37 is inevitably caught in the cross fire - because it seems like none of the women are getting out of this film in one piece - Lando runs to her side, cradles her broken body and weeps. It did seem as though Lando actually had feelings for L3-37, and there was a moment of hope when her memory was to be implanted into the computer aboard the Millennium Falcon. I thought Solo was going to do a really cool thing where it explored how we fall in love with a person, not a body, so Lando could continue to explore his relationship with L3-37, no matter what physical form she took. Nope, she becomes an inanimate map and that’s the end of that.

The only woman who survives Solo relatively unscathed is Enfys Nest (Erin Kellyman), who the audience and cast believe to be a man for the vast majority of the film. Enfys is a fearsome pirate who leads the band of criminals known as the Cloud-Riders. As well as being portrayed as a man - achieved through heavy armour and a voice modulator - Enfys is presented as a villain for most of Solo. She is an antagonist, a rival marauder foiling Han’s plans and fighting for the same resources and prizes that he seeks. However, before the grand final face-off, Enfys not only reveals her true gender, but also her age - she is much younger than the audience was led to believe - as well as her alignment; she is a rebel and a freedom fighter rather than a selfish bandit. This reveal could be seen as something of a punchline, a vaguely comedic switcheroo that pulls the rug out from under not only Han, but the audience as well, and we all have a good laugh at how he was beaten by a girl. However, I’m going to take my victories where I can and celebrate the portrayal of a young woman as an accomplished warrior, leader and strategist, as well as basically the most principled person in this whole movie.

Two other credited female characters exist in Solo. One is the Chanteuse Aurodia Ventafoli (Sema-Tawi Smart), an incredibly glamorous black singer who appears to be somewhat cybernetically enhanced to improve her voice further. The other is Lady Proxima (Linda Hunt), a literal evil giant worm who exploits enslaved children to support a life of crime. So that’s pretty much the definition of “you win some, you lose some” then.

Overall, the women in Solo: A Star Wars Story, despite being capable in their various fields, are mostly exploited, enslaved, downtrodden and, eventually, murdered. This is particularly and personally such a shame for Solo, because “heist” and “getting the team together” are two of my favourite kinds of film, and I’m a huge Star Wars fan. I’m sure I can’t be the only female devotee who grew up with the franchise and became hugely excited by the new episodes, which have finally given women their rightful and glorious place in a galaxy far, far away, only to be bitterly let down by the bad things that happen to women in the spin-offs. I am left with no choice but to, like everyone’s favourite princess, live in hope.

And now for some asides:

The robot rebellion was basically the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

Can we have more Northeners in Star Wars please? I thoroughly enjoyed that accent inclusion.

Okay, so, this pissed me off for the whole film. Lando’s hangers in his cloak closet were the least practical thing ever! They were completely enclosed, so he would have had to take everything off the rail to reach whatever was at the back. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

[mothermaidenclone-blog]

Well, my various chronic illnesses have been destroying me since the summer, but as we approach Halloween, the dark energies of the earth powering the cursed amulet that gives me human form are renewing me. So what I mean to say is, get ready for a very late recap of this summer’s blockbusters! 

[mothermaidenclone-blog]

Deadpool 2 or The Script Confiscated From A Year Nine Class

Deadpool 2 was a disappointment in my opinion. The original film took me by surprise with its love story plot and silliness outweighing offensiveness. It also included wonderfully unexpected, off-beat jokes about Judy Blume books and Ikea furniture. Whilst I still had some real chuckles at moments of Deadpool 2, such well written, humorous moments were in the minority. These were replaced by fourth-wall-breaking in-jokes about other Marvel franchises and witticisms acknowledging sexism and racism that were present in the film, without actually addressing the issues or making amends for how problematic they were. All of this, combined with the higher frequency of gore, made it feel like Deadpool 2 was written by a fourteen year old boy and a ropey A.I. that had been fed the first film.

*Deadpool 2 spoilers follow*

Deadpool 2 saw the return of Vanessa (Morena Baccarin), the partner of Wade Wilson aka Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds). Within a couple of lines of dialogue she establishes herself as an understanding person with a razor sharp wit, a cutting sense of humour, a libido and a desire to become a mother. Vanessa is built up as an incredibly three dimensional character in a very short space of time, all whilst displaying a combination of characteristics not usually afforded to women in mainstream cinema. All good so far, what could go wrong? How about she is promptly shot in the head to give Wade something to be sad about for the rest of the film. You did The Bad Thing, Deadpool 2! I feel as though the writers noticed the success of the love story angle of the first film, so they stuck a bunch of movie genres that Deadpool isn’t in a hat, pulled out “family film” and spent the rest of the creative process figuring out how to shoehorn a plot around that. Vanessa and Wade’s honest, raw and genuinely funny relationship was what made the first film so good, murdering Vanessa right at the beginning of the sequel is not the right way to keep that momentum going.

Furthermore, Vanessa isn’t even allowed to rest in peace. She becomes a metaphor for heaven, rather than a character. In her pink, fluffy jumper she becomes inseparable from her hazy, pastel surroundings - what happened to her amazing, grungy, leopard-print fashion? Her individuality is stripped away and she becomes a homogenous ideal of a stylised afterlife. Her acerbic humour is replaced by generic platitudes about how Wade can’t join her because his heart isn’t in the right place, which is nonsensical in itself because in life she loved Wade for all his flaws and foibles. In short, it is tragic to see Vanessa - one of the reasons that Deadpool was so original and funny - killed off almost instantly and then reduced to one of the most ubiquitous and boring tropes imaginable.

Another fabulous female character who makes all too short of a reappearance is Negasonic Teenage Warhead (Brianna Hildebrand). She is a fantastic comedy counterpart to Wade, dry and stoic where he is emotional and silly. The audience is not only treated to some great one liners from her, but also a brief display of her combat prowess and spectacular mutant powers as well as, if you wait until the credits, impressive technical capabilities. Negasonic continues to be a unique and strong addition to the unwieldy X-Men pantheon, my only real criticism is that we didn’t see more of her.

Negasonic’s personality is developed somewhat in Deadpool 2 by the introduction of her girlfriend, Yukio (Shioli Kutsana). Whilst it is always amazing to portray a lesbian relationship as the norm and not murder one of them (everyone needs to do this more please) it did feel a little like box ticking in this film. This is mostly because we don’t get to know Yukio at all. Once again, we see a small demonstration of her exemplary martial skills and supernatural abilities, but we don’t really see any personality. Basically all of her lines are a cutsie, cheery, “hi Wade” or “bye Wade.” On the one hand, this is a good comic balance to Negasonic’s broody attitude, but on the other hand, it does feel like a stereotype of a “kawaii” Japanese girl. If she had literally any other characteristics this might be excusable, but as it is, she remains a two dimensional character. On top of all this, she goes by what I presume is her Japanese given name, rather than a pseudonym like the vast majority of the other X-Men, hammering home the uncomfortable and somewhat fetishistic, Orientalist aura surrounding Yukio. I can’t wait for all the fan art of Yukio and Negasonic because it will undoubtedly be deeper and have more narrative than Deadpool 2 awarded the pair.

One final, returning female character reappears in Deadpool 2. Al (Leslie Uggams) returns as Wade’s elderly, black, blind flatmate, which in itself is positive to simply have someone so far from the white, young, able-bodied Hollywood norm included in a superhero blockbuster. Once again, Al has some excellently funny one liners, but these seem to be overshadowed by gags about her blindness, which places her more as the butt of the joke than the creator of the comedy. Furthermore, she only appears in one, brief scene, so I feel that Al was wasted somewhat on Deadpool 2.

Deadpool 2 did introduce a new, black, female superhero, Domino (Zazie Beetz). She has the unique superpower of being lucky, things just seem to work out for her. In addition to this power she is shown to be funny, brave and compassionate, as well as a skilled fighter. Most notably, in the final standoff which is comprised mostly of men battling each other, she goes to save the children from becoming collateral damage in the crossfire. Despite Wade calling out the sexism inherent in the X-Men and proclaiming that the X-Force will be “forward thinking, gender neutral,” Domino is the only woman in the original line up, being outnumbered 7:1 if we include Weasel (T.J. Miller) in the calculation. She is, however, the sole survivor of these new recruits, and undoubtedly steals the show in the ensuing action sequence. The second X-Force family is somewhat more balanced, but men still outnumber women 5:3.

Overall, the women in Deadpool 2 are mostly strong, capable and hilarious. However, the vast majority of them have very little screen time, sometimes due to their untimely and unjust murders, and the racial stereotyping cannot be ignored. All the elements for a great story are here, they’re just lost in the quagmire of self-referential almost-jokes. I’d like to see the version of this film conceived by queer fan artists, and not the rude, crude scribblings of teenage boys in the backs of their homework diaries that this film was.

And now for some asides:

Domino’s fashion was amazing, I want all of her jackets.

“Hands off that kid, John Connor” doesn’t make any sense as a reference! If you insist on all of your humour being referential, at least put in the nerd hours to get it right.

You know an ending is dragging on too much when you abandon it in favour of not missing the post-credits scene, because your broken body can’t make it through both without a toilet break.

[mothermaidenclone-blog]

Pacific Rim: Uprising or The Fan Art Was Better

Pacific Rim: Uprising was a bit of a let down for me; the first one was so much dumb fun and this was just alright. It had some good moments of humour and action, but was lacking overall. Generally, I can’t quite put my finger on what was missing, but I remember thinking things like, “These Kaiju are making a Zord and that should be the coolest thing ever, but it’s not quite doing it for me.” Also, this film did basically my least favourite thing a movie can do, so that might have had something to do with it.

*Pacific Rim: Uprising spoilers follow*

So, let’s start with the best character who has the worst things happen to them. Pacific Rim: Uprising saw the return of one of the heroes from the original film, Mako Mori (Rinko Kikuchi). She had evidently risen up the military ranks since we last met her and she seemed to command quite a powerful position. Her relationship with her brother, Jake Pentecost (John Boyega), was touching and portrayed in a tender but realistic way. Mako pulls some strings to keep Jake out of prison, showcasing the extent of her influence, and they share some poignant but also funny moments together. However, Mako’s part in this story is very short lived because she is murdered by a giant robot to give Jake something to be sad and vengeful about. This is one of my absolute least favourite plot devices, there are so many other ways to motivate characters and it’s especially tragic and unceremonious when it happens to someone like Mako, who as a whole other film’s worth of story, heroism and depth behind her.

Well, now that Mako’s out of the picture, the main female character of this film is Amara Namani (Cailee Spaeny). I fell like Amara is endemic of a problem that plagues many Pacific Rim: Uprising characters, the women in particular - she is a series of tropes smushed together. I know that no character is truly original, but Pacific Rim: Uprising is really guilty of this. Amara is a plucky orphan who learned to be tough and resourceful on the streets, but is shunned once she enters an institution (the military in this instance) because her peers don’t think she belongs amongst them. She is also curious and headstrong with a disregard for the rules that gets her and her friends into trouble, but she takes all the blame. Many of these are positive traits, and she has more, including being a talented mechanic and Jager pilot, but I can’t help but feel she was created by pulling coming-of-age action hero stereotypes out of a hat, rather than being considered as a complete human being. For all these characteristics, she has very little personality.

If Amara is a collection of hero tropes, then Liwen Shao (Tian Jing) is her equal but opposite. She is the evil corporate antagonist, she’s so villainous that she describes a devastating attack as, “positive, all things considered,” because it was profitable for her company. Shay is ruthless and shrewd, but changes her ways in the nick of time to help the good guys. It could be argued that this is no true development of a conscience, as the alternative is the apocalypse, which would mean her death too. However, this transformation does allow her to showcase a whole new set of skills including Jager piloting and hacking - it was wonderful to hear a woman say, “I’ve penetrated the subroutine.” Another redeeming feature about her was that, in a film of mostly military uniforms, her fashion sense was amazing! She had such a strong, sci-fi, business power aesthetic and it was fabulous. All things considered, with the exception of the short lived Mako, Shao was probably the most three-dimensional woman in Pacific Rim: Uprising.

From the most complex to, contradictorily, the simplest but also most confusing female character, we have Jules Reyes (Adria Arjona). Jules’ function in this film seems to be purely to be a sexy mechanic, but one who gives out mixed messages, so as to keep jake and his on-again off-again BFF Nate Lambert (Scott Eastwood) on their toes. She immediately flirts with Jake when he arrives, but on a later occasion goes to kiss Nate when she saves his life and lands on top of him (at least they’ve flipped that role), but is stopped by Jake. The last time I remember seeing Jules, she was dirty, sweaty, had her boiler suit tied around her waist revealing the vest top underneath, and she smooches both Jake and Nate on the cheek and tells them not to die. So, Jules seems to serve to provide some randomly sexually charged interludes for whatever men are nearby.

The last of the prominent named female characters is one of Amara’s fellow cadets, Viktoria (Ivanna Sakhno). There are two other female cadets, Renata (Shyrley Rodriguez) and Meilin (Lily Ji), but they have very few lines between them and little impact on the plot. Viktoria is immediately hostile towards Amara for no real reason, which comes to a head in an argument that involves such generic remarks as, “Bigger is better,” and, “You know where I learned that? On the streets!” I feel like the animosity between them is arbitrary, and is a real missed opportunity for a female friendship to develop. The closest we get to a reconciliation between them is Viktoria saying to Amara as she leaves, “The next Jager you build, make it a big one.”

This lack of meaningful relationships between women is a real problem, and even the female character’s relationships with men are fraught. The only genuine example was between Mako and Jake, but that didn’t last long and was transformed entirely into revenge. Jake, once he is over being super rude to Amara at the beginning, just becomes a father-figure stand in for her. The film makes this very clear by having him catch her when she falls, just like her real dad didn’t, not once, but twice. The men are allowed to have all kinds of relationships with each other, bordering on the homoerotic on more than one occasion. Jake notes of Nate, however jokingly, “He is handsome, he is sexy,” and Dr. Hermann Gottlieb (Burn Gorman) throws aside his “rule about public displays of affection,“ to ardently embrace Dr. Newton Geiszler (Charlie Day). No such depths of affection were achieved by women.

Overall, the vast majority of the women in Pacific Rim: Uprising fall flat because they are exactly that - two dimensional. They felt like tick-lists of tropes rather than well considered human beings with personalities and genuine motivations. It’s never a good sign when your film murders the best female character right at the beginning. Finally, to add insult to injury, the Kaiju were a let down too.

And now for some asides:

Jake had his food priorities in order, two of the best lines from the whole film are him saying, “Somebody else might eat your breakfast and your cookies and your hot sauce,” and, “Leave my toppings be, man!”

So John Boyega was pretty much the best thing about this film and, credit where credit’s due, his dialogue was very well written for a South London accent. That’s my neck of the woods and it fills me with so much joy to hear him say, “nutcase” on the big screen.

Umm, why did the big evil Kaiju Jager hold Gipsy Avenger’s head under water when they were fighting? They can’t breathe! Not that I’m still thinking about that or anything.

[mothermaidenclone-blog]

Rampage or Rock, Ape, Lizard...and a Really Big Wolf

Well, Rampage was the most fun I’ve had at the cinema in a long time. This could be thanks, in part, to having absolutely zero expectations, but I have to give credit where credit’s due, Rampage was just a really good laugh. It was unashamedly a stupid film, but didn’t - for the most part - fall prey to the many sexist tropes that unfortunately seem to come with B-movies.

*Rampage Spoilers Follow*

Although Rampage is basically about big animals smashing stuff, with a sub-plot of Davis Okoye (Dwayne Johnson) and a massive gorilla being bros, there was a female lead. Dr. Kate Caldwell (Naomie Harris) features as a capable scientist and relentless investigator, used as a scapegoat in a vast corporate conspiracy, who is determined to uncover the truth, right the wrongs that her research has been used for and clear her name. It is always wonderful to see a talented black actress take the lead in anything, especially in the genre of monster movies, which is usually dominated by swooning blonds. In alarming and spectacular news, at no point did her shirt become tactically torn - despite Kate surviving a helicopter crash - and she doesn’t snog the male lead at the end! Woohoo! Kate is introduced in a way that I feel is usually reserved for male characters; she is someone who’s fallen on hard times and is struggling to get her life back together. So, when we meet her, she is woken up late by a phone call, stumbles out of bed, throws some clothes over the underwear she was sleeping in and drinks something out of a cup that was just lying around. Whilst this is obviously not a positive portrayal of a woman, it could be a realistic one, and it’s always interesting to see female characters being given the opportunity to display stereotypically male behaviours. People aren’t straightforward and we don’t all react the same way to problems. At least it makes a difference from women being shown watching sad romance movies and eating ice cream out of the tub as their coping mechanism. Also, Kate is given plenty of time to showcase her many talents and positive attributes as the film progresses.

One of her great traits is that she continually calls Davis out on his shit. Firstly, when he and government agent Harvey Russell (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) square up for a round of macho intimidation, she interjects, “Let’s all take a breath…Or we can all get in each other’s faces and see who’s the toughest.” In addition, when Davis describes his ludicrous plan to fly a helicopter down a collapsing building as, “We just need to get enough lift to stay on top of the building as it falls, you know, just like riding an avalanche,” Kate replies with the only sane response, which is, “No, I don’t know!” There’s no implicit, doe-eyed trust in Davis’ machismo methods and madcap schemes, all of that has to be earned.

As well as an abundance of common sense, Kate also displays a number of practical skills, such as using her brain - not just brute strength - to smash a window without hurting anyone and pulling off some impressive hacking, even if it is very Hollywood silly. Therefore, Kate acts as a good counterpoint to Davis’ brawn and emotional behaviour as far as animals are concerned; she is an intelligent and rational scientist, as well as an exceedingly sensible and pragmatic human being.

Whilst Kate has to share the limelight with Davis as the hero, the antagonist of Rampage was undoubtedly a woman. Claire Wyden (Malin Åkerman) was a superb B-movie villain and mastermind. Whilst culpability was technically divided with her brother Brett (Jake Lacy), he was portrayed as an almost Shakespearian fool; comically sweating and stress eating pop tarts - another example of supposedly traditional coping mechanisms being gender swapped. Claire was two-dimensionally evil - the first thing we hear her say is, “Either you come home with my research, or you don’t come home at all,” to an astronaut on an exploding space station. Usually, this would be a bone of contention for me, but this is a B-movie, baddies aren’t supposed to be complex. I think it’s enough of a victory that she is the vastly more competent sibling by a million miles, the Brain to her brother’s Pinky if you will. Claire remains cool, collected and in control while Brett falls apart. Naturally, she doesn’t survive this - Rampage is a monster movie after all, of course she is gobbled up by a giant gorilla, what else did you expect? The factor to consider when weighing up sexism is if it’s something that only affects one gender, and in this case, the answer is no. Brett is also subjected to a gruesome comedy death; his is in fact much more visceral, he is squashed flat in a bloody mess by falling debris. So, in the eyes of Rampage at least, characters seem to be judged by their deeds, not their gender.

Two minor named female characters remain; the first is the aforementioned astronaut, Dr. Kerry Atkins (Marley Shelton). Whilst we only briefly see her before her escape pod explodes in the vacuum of space, she shows great courage and willingness to endanger herself for a greater cause. For someone who’s just a device to get some canisters to land on a bunch of animals, she is shown to be very strong in her short time on screen, it’s a shame she was killed for such an arbitrary plot point.

The second background female character is Amy (Breanne Hill), a colleague or possibly student of Davis. Amy is a bit more of a dilemma, as she is portrayed as much more capable and calm in the face of danger than her male counterpart, Connor (Jack Quaid). However, she does flirt in a really gross way with Davis, pretty much throwing herself at him and saying that she wants to learn about “submission techniques.” On the other hand, Connor is also portrayed as a bit of a reprehensible idiot, making up adventure stories to impress Amy and coming out with some fairly offensive white saviour bullshit. It could be that both of these characters simply serve to make Davis look like an all-round wonderfully good person, but a woman offering herself up to him sexually is always going to come off as creepy and seems unnecessary.

Overall, most of the women in this dumb movie are surprisingly confident and capable. They may play up to stereotypes here and there, but they’re character based ones - such as pragmatic scientist and megalomaniacal villain - rather than ones involving gender. Mostly, it was just really fun to have a guilt free laugh at a silly B-movie without having to bludgeon the bit of my brain that thinks about the representation of women into silence.

And now for some asides:

When Dwayne Johnson choked that guy out he says, “That’s a big arm, don’t fight it, sleepy time.” I really hope he talks about his body like that in real life.

Also he has like five had signals that communicate the whole of the English language? Amazing.

I really related to that guy saying, “I’ve started using vegan deodorant, I smell like guacamole.” I just had to put some vegan shampoo in the bin because it made me retch, please make things that smell nice and aren’t evil!

[mothermaidenclone-blog]

A Wrinkle in Time or Can Giant Oprah Winfrey be my Fairy Godmother Please?

As soon as I heard about A Wrinkle in Time, I was very excited about it. The first ever live action movie with a budget of over $100 million to be directed by a black woman (Ava DuVernay), and it’s a science fantasy adventure starring a black teenage girl who’s a scientist - what more could you want? The costume and set design were both out of this world, pun very much intended, and I thought that most of the characters were three dimensional, well thought out and had meaningful interactions with each other. The plot, however, left something to be desired, as I felt it was a little all over the place and had a tendency to trail off in places. Admittedly, I have not read the novel, so this could be a problem with adaptation rather than writing.

*A Wrinkle In Time spoilers follow*

A Wrinkle in Time is predominantly the story of Meg Murry (Storm Reid), a young, teenage girl who is angry and disillusioned at the mysterious disappearance of her father, Dr. Alexander Murry (Chris Pine). The very first time we see Meg she is a child, enjoying and engaged in a science experiment with her father. She continues to be portrayed as a scientist throughout the film, explaining apparently magical phenomena, such as flying, using scientific terminology, as well as practically employing principles to save herself and her friends; for example, using strong winds to slingshot them to safety. S.T.E.M. fields are still overwhelmingly dominated by men that it’s so important for a children’s film, that many young girls will hopefully watch, to exemplify a black, teenage, female scientist as a role model.

Science aside, Meg sets a good example in a number of other ways. As an understandable consequence of feeling abandoned by her father - as well as being inexplicably bullied by other girls at her school because of his disappearance and a string of awful teachers talking about her behind her back, telling her that she’s not living up to her potential - Meg has very low self esteem at the start of the film. She aggressively rebuffs a compliment about her hair from her friend Calvin (Levi Miller) and she has trouble tessering - the means by which the characters travel instantaneously through the universe - because she does not entirely want to appear as herself again on the other side. Furthermore, Mrs. Whatsit (Reese Witherspoon) constantly and loudly professes her disappointment and lack of faith in Meg. At the end, this is presented as a sort of tough love and that Mrs. Whatsit really did believe in Meg all along, but a grown woman continually putting down an already troubled teenage girl gave parts of the film a weird tone that I did not enjoy.

However, Meg’s character develops, which is crucial for a young, female audience to see. This is partly shown through positive interactions between female characters; for example, Meg tells the Mrs., “The three of you are beautiful,” and one of them replies, “Thank you, and so are you.” This might seem banal, but to just blatantly show women positively supporting each other in a way that children will understand is vital. So often in Hollywood, women are portrayed as rivals, especially where looks and beauty are concerned, so to attempt to normalise women giving each other compliments and accepting them in return is so important. Continuing with this theme, A Wrinkle in Time firmly cements Meg’s rise in self esteem by showing her to accept a compliment about her hair later on in the film - she is beginning to like herself more without having changed how she looks at all.

This isn’t just limited to the physical, Meg comes to terms with her own faults, thanks to the originally seemingly ill-intentioned gift of honest self appraisal from Mrs. Whatsit, and realises that yes, they are a part of her, but they do not define her. Meg’s winning move against the evil entity of the film, the IT (David Oleyowo) is to boldly declare, “You should love me because I deserve to be loved.” She finally appreciates her own self-worth and has confidence in her many abilities. This is finally confirmed by Meg opening the portal that takes her and her brother, Charles Wallace (Deric McCabe), safely home - she is content with who she will be on the other side. It is so important to leave the audience with no doubt that Meg is comfortable, confident and happy with herself as a person - whilst not depicting her as being unattainably perfect, she is aware of and at peace with her flaws - because much of that audience will be young girls. I think this film has succeeded by portraying and praising this development and extolling a teenage girl who believes in herself.

Although Meg is the main character in A Wrinkle in Time, she is surrounded by many other wonderful female role models. Most predominant is her mother, Dr. Kate Murry (Gugu Mbatha Raw). Kate is presented as a scientist with equal standing to her husband, which is wonderful in and of itself, seeing as he is a white man and they usually dominate this field. In fact, Kate is seen as more respectable, as Alex is tutted off stage for his wild theories, but the same audience seems more willing to listen to her. When Alex goes off on a tirade after being rejected by the reputable scientific community, Kate offers him some sage advice, “In order to be great, it isn't enough to just be right, you have to actually be great, and we are. So why can’t you just help them along?” Not only is she a rational scientist, but an empathetic and practical person. Furthermore, Alex gives Kate all the credit for the science behind his journey; “Your calculations gave us the universe.” On top of all of this, she copes as a single mother for years and never gives up on her absentee husband, despite all the rumours about him. Kate is a very admirable woman, capable scientist and caring mother who provides a solid, realistic role model amidst all the fantasy.

More ostentatious exemplars take the form of the three Mrs.; the aforementioned Mrs. Whatsit, Mrs. Which (Oprah Winfrey) and Mrs. Who (Mindy Kaling). This trio comprises of one white woman, one black woman and one woman of Indian descent, so that’s a move in the right direction as far as representation is concerned. These women are self-proclaimed warriors in the name of light who display a variety of incredible powers such as physical transformation, bestowing magical gifts and being able to traverse the universe using only their own will power. Other than Mrs. Whatsit’s previously stated slights, the three are constantly encouraging, and do everything in their power to help the children on their quest. Even Mrs. Whatsit is positive to other women, declaring Kate as, “dazzling”. Speaking of which, the three women look completely magnificent; they have a variety of costume changes throughout the film, all of which serve to make them look regal, majestic and powerful. Another striking visual choice was to make Mrs. Which massive - I don’t mean fat or muscly, just like three times the size of a normal human. This simple manoeuvre immediately imbues her character with an innate sense of grandeur, prestige and strength. As far as their names are concerned, we never find out who they are married to; no husbands are ever mentioned, so can we infer that they are all married to each other? I hope so, because a triad of resplendent lesbian lovers who are warriors for the forces of good in the universe is just about the coolest role model I can think of for a children’s film.

One final named female character remains, Veronica (Rowan Blanchard). She is maybe the ringleader of the - to it’s credit, surprisingly ethnically diverse - group of girls who are bullying Meg for the baffling reason that her father is missing. Veronica doesn’t factor much into the film, except that she mirrors Meg’s journey of self-love and acceptance. She is a bully at the the beginning, but we gain a glimpse into her personal life and see that this could be because she is self-conscious perhaps to the point of an eating disorder - she has written all of the foods she won’t allow herself to eat on her mirror. However, at the end of the film she is starting to become more friendly towards Meg, and we can only hope towards herself too. Veronica is symptomatic of what I believe to be so important about the female characters in A Wrinkle in Time; she is on a journey of development and self acceptance.

Overall, there is a great variety of wonderful female characters in A Wrinkle in Time. They are diverse not only in looks, but also in personality, and between them display a remarkable list of laudable traits including curiosity, scientific aptitude, bravery, confidence, magical powers, determination and the ability to love - their friends, family and, perhaps most importantly, themselves. What is arguably most crucial about these characters, especially Meg, is that they were not presented as being unbelievably flawless from the start, but as real human women who develop, interact positively with each other and become stronger as the film progresses. It doesn’t matter to me that the story was sort of nonsense, I think A Wrinkle in Time has triumphed if it gets these messages of self-love and belief to a wide audience of children.  

And now for some asides:

Wow, Chris Pine can grow a beard really far up his cheeks, that was an important revelation.

Creepy, homogenous suburbia was one of the best portrayals of hell ever.

I think Charles Wallace as a baddie was one of my all-time favourite villains, his fashion was definitely on point at least.

[mothermaidenclone-blog]

Avengers: Infinity War or Just by Force of Numbers This Has to Work out, Right?

I had my trepidations about Avengers: Infinity War; there were so many characters to squeeze in that I worried a cameo-fest might take the place of a cogent plot My fears, however, were unfounded, as I felt the story held together well and the characters’ interactions were a good balance between genuinely personal and goofy one liners. The women - although vastly outnumbered, there are roughly three times as many named male characters as female - continue to be the strong heroes we know and love.

*Avengers: Infinity War spoilers follow*

Perhaps most prominent of the female line up is Gamora (Zoe Saldana). Once again, she demonstrates a variety of admirable qualities, including martial prowess and perhaps the most pragmatism out of any of the Avengers - she is quick to break up the man-off between Peter Quill (Chris Pratt) and Thor (Chris Hemsworth) by reminding them that the whole universe is at stake; “Enough! We need to stop Thanos.” Gamora also demonstrates incredible strength of will and appreciation of the greater good, she possesses secret knowledge that could endanger everybody if Thanos (Josh Brolin) finds out, so she makes Peter promise to kill her rather than let her be captured. To do this, she holds Peter to the most powerful force she can think of, a female entity, the memory of his mother. Gamora is willing to sacrifice herself to protect innocent lives, and her only motivation that outweighs this is her love for her sister, Nebula (Karen Gillan). The sight of Nebula being tortured is the only thing powerful enough to move Gamora to divulging her secret.

Unfortunately, Gamora meets a tragic and untimely demise at the hands of Thanos. Even worse than dying so a man can have something to be sad about, she is murdered so a man can obtain mystical powers to use for evil. Gallant to the end, once Gamora realises Thanos’ intentions, she tries to kill herself so that his sacrifice will fail. Her death is all the more heartbreaking seeing as she has spent two films escaping, recovering and developing from not only the stigma of being Thanos’ adopted daughter, but also all the trauma she suffered at his hands. So, to be murdered by him out of a deluded sense of him mistaking a lifetime of abuse for love is such a cruel end for a magnificent and accomplished hero.

Nebula herself contributes a little to the good fight, violently despatching a few goons, but as far as the space-faring women of this film go, Mantis (Pom Klementieff) definitely comes in second after Gamora in terms of prominence. She is also one of the two female characters who have actual super powers - she is an empath and can manipulate people’s mental states to a certain extent, such as sending people to sleep. It was good to see her as the lynchpin of a plan, and not the butt of a joke, as she is one of the few characters who has any effect at all against Thanos, controlling his mind for an impressive amount of time. Mantis is also a source of comedy in Avengers: Infinity War, sometimes slightly at her expense, for example when she messes up the line, “We came to kick names and take ass,” but sometimes innocently too. One of my favourite moments was Mantis serenely enjoying the simple pleasure of low gravity in the background of a shot.

The only other female character with super powers is Wanda Maximoff, the Scarlet Witch (Elizabeth Olsen). She is portrayed as one of the most powerful characters in the films - the only one with the ability to destroy an infinity stone for example. She is also one of only two characters with the strength of will to kill a person she cares for deeply to keep Thanos from finding an infinity stone - Peter Quill is the other, but his assassination attempt is thwarted by Thanos. This is no mean feat, as her target, Vision (Paul Bettany), is not only her lover, but one of the few individuals on Earth who is as far from being a normal human as she is. Prior to this, Wanda not only has the capability to protect Vision in battle, but also to heal his wounds. Other than Thor, who is a literal god, and Thanos, who has a magical glove with the six most powerful objects in the universe stuck to it, she performs some of the most impressive feats in Avengers: Infinity War.

Other female characters openly admire Wanda’s talents; when she enters the fray in Wakanda and displays what she is capable of, General Okoye (Danai Gurira) exclaims, “Why was she up there this whole time?” Furthermore, Okoye and Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) support Wanda in combat. It filled me with joy to hear Natasha proclaim, “She’s not alone,” as she joins in the battle against one of the children of Thanos. It was a little strange how the fighting seemed to be gendered: female characters mostly only battled the one female child of Thanos, Proxima Midnight (Carrie Coon). As a side note, I did have to look her name up as I don’t believe it’s said out loud in the film, which is dumb, because it’s a very cool villain name. Also, the ratio of male to female children of Thanos introduced in this film was also 3:1. Proxima is portrayed as a strong and loyal adversary, her design as an alien was visually interesting and I think she was the last goon standing - the sheer number of different concurrent battles and the three toilet breaks my broken body had to take during this movie confused the timeline somewhat, so feel free to correct me if I’m wrong about that.

Natasha mostly showcases her multitude of combat skills in this film, which are undeniably remarkable, but we see very little of any other side to her. A slight nod to her brief romantic involvement with Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo) is the only glimpse to another side to her personality that we get. I do appreciate that this is a very ambitious ensemble movie, and that some male characters, for example Sam Wilson aka Falcon (Anthony Mackie), receive similar sidelining treatment. Speaking of romance, there does seem to be a need to couple everyone off - Peter Quill and Gamora unquestionably confess their love out loud and Wanda and Vision are established lovers since we last saw them. Part of this is natural character development, but I can’t help but imagine the vast, corporate hand of Marvel picking up its action figures, smushing them together and demanding, “Now you kiss, and you kiss.”

A good example of a woman who does manage to show different facets of herself in the limited screen time she has is Okoye. As previously mentioned, she is an adept soldier and remains a loyal general to T’Challa aka Black Panther (Chadwick Boseman), but she also has a sense of humour. She is responsible for one of the moments that made me chuckle, confessing that her expectations regarding a public Wakanda were different to reality and included, “The Olympics, maybe even a Starbucks.”

Okoye’s fellow Wakandan, Shuri (Letitia Wright), princess and chief scientist - what a combo - also makes a reappearance. Once agin, she does not have a huge amount of screen time, but in it she accomplishes the notable feat of establishing herself as possibly the most intelligent person and distinguished scientist in the MCU. She forces Bruce Banner to admit that he and Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.), arguably the previous holders of that title, didn’t use her more effective solution to a problem because they, “Didn’t think of that.”

One final named female character makes an appearance in Avengers: Infinity War, although she is the first one we see on screen. The long suffering Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow). Pepper makes a very brief appearance alongside Tony, reasserting her position as probably the most sensible, level headed and pragmatic individual - characteristics that could easily be underestimated in a universe of ridiculous super heroes. She successfully talks the somewhat manic Tony down from thinking they should have a child, arguing - quite rightly - that having a dream about becoming a parent is not a good enough reason to actually do so and basically that Tony can’t be trusted to be enough of a normal, sensible human to be a father.

It should also be noted that many of these women don’t make it out of Avengers: Infinity War alive, what with Thanos instantaneously disintegrating half of the population of the universe and all that. I’d like to point out the alarming order in which we see people die: Bucky Barnes (Sebastian Stan), a physically disabled - if not possibly ageless - and deeply traumatised man; T’Challa, a black man; Groot (Vin Diesel), a non-human alien; Wanda, a woman; Sam Wilson, a black man; Mantis, a female alien; Drax (Dave Bautista), a non-human alien and then finally three able bodied, white, human men - Peter Quill, Doctor Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) and Peter Parker aka Spider-Man (Tom Holland). We also see Agent Maria Hill (Colbie Smulders) and Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) - you guessed it, another woman and black man - disintegrate in the post-credits scene. I just wanted to take you on the emotional roller coaster that I went on, when I thought we’d just be left with mostly white dudes for the sequel. I doubt that any of these characters are permanently dead, as Marvel has many more money-spinning movies up its sleeve, and I’m willing to bet they wouldn’t do away with so many lucrative franchising opportunities in one go. Hopefully, the same can be said of Gamora - I’m already working on a theory that she is the soul inside the soul stone and, when the time is right, will somehow escape and be the one to end Thanos. Just floating some ideas about, Marvel, feel free to use them.

Overall, despite battling a terrible gender ratio on top of the forces of evil, the women in Avengers: Infinity War showcase an incredible smorgasbord of wondrous attributes between them, including: martial prowess, empathic talents, the weaponisation of pure energy, scientific aptitude, humour, loyalty, common sense, healing powers and selflessness to name but a few. They are exemplary heroes who mange to stand out and hold their own in an overwhelmingly large ensemble cast, in which they are vastly outnumbered by men. I’m just still pissed off about Gamora’s death though - can we not reward triumphant survivors of trauma with murder at the hands of their abusers, please?

And now for some asides

I love how much all of the Guardians of the Galaxy characters, regardless of gender or species, completely adored Thor - he is like a pirate had a baby with an angel!

The continuity of Rocket’s (Bradley Cooper) obsession with prosthetics is beautiful, it’s so good that it was actually useful in this film, and the plot I’m most excited about in the sequel - other than resurrecting all the ladies please - is will Rocket ever get Bucky’s arm? The people demand to know!

My favourite part of this whole film was the sign that said, “We will deep fry your kebab,” in the Scottish chippie.

[mothermaidenclone-blog]

Ready Player One or If I Enter the Konami Code Will it Unlock a Better Movie?

Well, Ready Player One is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. There are films that I’ve hated more because they’ve disturbed or offended me, and low budget B-movies that have been terrible but at least fun to laugh at, but I can’t think of many films that have just been as boring and of such poor quality as Ready Player One. None of the characters had any personality and their motivations were inane or non-existent, and the plot - if you can even call it that - was a string of references and product placements barely held together with over-worked special effects.

*Ready Player One spoilers follow*

Ready Player One is entirely the story of Wade (Tye Sheridan), a nerd who is single handedly fated to save the digital world he loves so much, because he alone is the very best at everything and so is entitled to this singular destiny. Every other character is defined in relation to whether they are an asset or an enemy to him, not in terms of their value as people. This is his film, everyone else is secondary. Before we go any further, I don’t want anyone to think I’m nerd bashing - I write a science fiction film review blog in my spare time, I proudly identify as a nerd - but Ready Player One is just a gratuitous wet dream. Wade is going to save the world because he knows the most movie quotes and is good at Atari games. Part of the reason why this annoys me so much is that nerd culture is about so much more than this! It’s not just skinny white boys having pissing contests about who can recite the most references, it’s a creative collaboration between all kinds of different people: it’s queer kids writing their own inventive DnD campaigns, it’s gay fan fiction, it’s lovingly crafting whatever cosplay costume you want and knowing you’ll look fabulous in it, regardless of race, gender, body type or even species. For me, true geekdom is about creativity, imagination, escapism and expression, not reeling off trivia or having to prove anything. There’s this horrible idea in popular culture that you have to pass some kind of test to be a “real” nerd, that your knee jerk reaction to someone not knowing a particular quote or never having heard of an obscure franchise means they haven’t earned the moniker. In reality, most geeks I know would respond thusly, “Oh, you haven’t heard of this? I’m really excited I get to share it with you.” It’s inclusive, not exclusive.

Wade himself is guilty of this particular kind of nerd testing, grilling the supposed girl of his dreams on trivia in one of their first proper conversations together. Her online handle is Art3mis (Olivia Cooke) and within the Oasis, the virtual reality that characters inhabit for most of Ready Player One, she presents herself as an uncanny valley almost-human - uncomfortably thin with impossibly large eyes. People can manifest themselves however they choose in this reality, and obviously whatever they choose is valid, but it’s telling of the masturbatory fantasy that this film is, that the main female character has selected this supposed ideal of womanhood. In the real world, as Samantha, she is an ordinary and beautiful young woman with a large birthmark on her face, which she is deeply ashamed of, covering it with her hair as best she can. Never fear though, Wade boldly professes that he, “isn’t frightened” of her birthmark - what a gentleman! He doesn’t even formulate a cheesy pick up line about how it makes her unique, apparently not being appalled by a slightly differently coloured patch of skin on a woman’s face is supposed to be enough for the audience to swoon over his gallantry.

Physicality aside, Samantha’s personality is all over the place. On the one hand, she is portrayed as capable and knowledgable, being one of the forerunners in the egg hunt that is the main quest of Ready Player One before Wade pips her to the post. On the other, she is strangely submissive and unconfident in herself, sacrificing herself in the real world to save Wade, because she believes - in a weirdly cult-like manner - that he is the only one capable of winning, despite all of her own considerable abilities. She does, however, have strong principles and an understanding of how her online actions affect the real world - unlike Wade who is clueless in this regard.

As far as Samantha’s romantic intentions go, she continues to be contradictory. She performs a weirdly sexual dance on Wade in a club, rubbing him all over and sliding between his legs, but then - quite rightly - protests when Wade declares his love for her, saying he knows nothing about the real her, only her digital self. The culmination of their romance, if it can even be called that, is as terrible as the courtship. Just as they are about to kiss, Wade declares, “I’m not like Halliday, I’m taking the leap.” Firstly, it’s the antithesis of romantic spontaneity to announce you are about to snog someone and secondly, Wade suddenly makes this kiss not about their feelings for each other, but instead turns it into a way to one up another man by doing something he never could - kiss a girl.

One other female character makes up the High Five group that Wade instigates (resulting in a 3:2 ratio of boys to girls), Helen (Lena Waithe). Helen is a black woman, however, for most of the film we see her as her avatar, Aech - a hulking, pale, male ogre type figure, not even really human. Absolutely no reason is given as to why Helen choses to present herself outside of both her race and gender, but the reveal itself is shown as a comedy moment; if it had been a cartoon, Wade’s eyes might have popped out of his head and question marks floated around his head. Is that it then, a black woman as a punchline? Within the Oasis and in the real world she is shown to have a variety of technical skills, but again they are always only portrayed in terms of how they benefit Wade, making her into more of an asset than a person.

A few other women inhabit the lamentable world of Ready Player One, including F’Nale Zandor (Hannah John-Kamen). F’Nale is an evil henchwoman, willing to murder children on corporate orders, a caricature through and through. She has some martial proficiency, but is eventually easily thwarted because this is a film for children and baddies can’t win.

Wade’s aunt Alice (Susan Lynch) also makes a brief appearance, depicted as a somewhat slovenly trailer park denizen willing to put up with abusive boyfriends for reasons unknown. She is promptly blown up to give Wade something to avenge, even though he didn’t seem to care about her in the first place.

One final female character is present through her absence. Kira (Perdiata Weeks) is the former love interest of the dead creator of the Oasis, Halliday (Mark Rylance). It’s not clear whether the two even had an official relationship, only one date of theirs is described by Halliday as, “She wanted to go dancing, so we watched a movie.” Unsurprisingly, Kira leaves Halliday, but is then passed onto his best friend, Ogden Morrow (Simon Pegg), because that’s how relationships work, right? This “friendzoning” is portrayed as the pinnacle of romantic tragedy, the ultimate example of unrequited courtly love, when really Halliday was just unwilling to step outside of his comfort zone for the woman he supposedly loved, so, tough shit mate, that’s what happens. Kira dies unceremoniously in unexplained circumstances off screen to give both men something to be sad about, without being given any depth or personality whatsoever.

Overall, the women in Ready Player One are a random assortment of tropes mashed together to serve whatever Wade needs next in his self indulgent wank fantasy. They function entirely to be useful to him, and if they ever look like they’ll stray from his plan then he just murders them in virtual reality. This film is derogatory to women and geeks alike and belongs in a toilet.

And now for some asides:

People cannot just casually run around with enormous visors on their faces literally blinding them to their surroundings engaging in a fucking digital battle royale without at least running into one real life lamp post.

I did enjoy that the main bad guy had some sort of plate haptic armour and had to be dressed by business page boys. Now that’s an aesthetic.

The best part of this trash heap of a movie was when the big axe came out of the screen, love me some cheesy 3D.

[mothermaidenclone-blog]

Isle of Dogs or No Bitches Allowed in the Kennel Club

I really enjoyed Isle of Dogs, it ticked a lot of boxes for me: wonderfully weird, pretty messed up, beautiful stop motion and supposedly for children but not really at all. The story was engaging and the design immersive, but, as with many Wes Anderson movies, it was a bit of a boys’ club. There were some strong women in this film, but they were vastly outnumbered by a sea of male dogs - which I mean literally for once.

*Isle of Dogs spoilers follow*

The women in Isle of Dogs can be divided into two neat categories - human and canine - and seeing as the best character is a young girl, I’ll start with the former. Tracy Walker (Greta Gerwig) steals the show as far as ladies in this film go; she’s headstrong, intelligent, principled, driven and determined. She remains undaunted in the face of adversity, continuing her quest for truth despite government conspiracies and murder cover-ups. The only real downside to her character is, somewhat predictably, her unnecessary and self-proclaimed crush on Atari (Koyu Rankin). Her interest in Atari would make just as much sense from a journalistic standpoint of wanting to unearth the truth and fight for justice, but Isle of Dogs seems to feel the need to parcel everyone into neat little heterosexual couples at the end, even though all the characters are children and animals.

A couple of other human ladies exist in Isle of Dogs, and the only real interaction between two women occurs between Tracy and Assistant Scientist Yoko Ono (Yoko Ono). Yoko Ono is utterly distraught at the death of her superior, Professor Watanabe (Akira Ito), and seems to have given up all hope in general. She does help Tracy in her quest for the dog flu cure, but for a character who is obviously an intelligent and capable scientist, she spends this sole female conversation in tears of despair.

Although not necessarily a character in the traditional sense, Interpreter Nelson (Frances McDormand) is one of the more dominant voices in the film. She plays a crucial role as a narrator of sorts, and provides and alternative to the traditional omnipresent male storyteller - who does still exist in this film as Courtney B. Vance.

Whilst there are some strong women battling a relatively unfair gender ratio in Isle of Dogs, the female dogs themselves have a much harder time. There are about three times as many male dogs as female ones, and they occupy vastly more screen time and dialogue. Both Peppermint (Kara Hayward) and Nutmeg (Scarlett Johansson) are almost entirely defined by the male dogs that they have sexual relationships with. Nutmeg is presented as a near mystical character, as though the feminine is something completely alien, only to be understood through rumours about who she mated with last. Peppermint is almost completely silent, she has about one line to divulge some exposition and then is a mute puppy-producing machine for the rest of the movie. The only female dog shown to have a useful skill is Oracle (Tilda Swinton) who delivers prophecies via her ability to understand television, but even she is presented as something of a sidekick to a much larger male dog.

Overall, other than the intrepid and resolute Tracy, the female characters in Isle of Dogs were somewhat lacking, perhaps simply because they were so completely overpowered numbers-wise by their male counterparts. At its core, this was a film about a boy and his male dog. It’s a shame, because the story was thoroughly enjoyable and the world building was spectacular, let’s just invite a few more women to the table next time, Wes.

And now for some asides:

20 years in the future with no specific date is the best time to set a film.

This scores so highly for the satisfaction of how quickly they said the name of the movie out loud.

I should make a permanent feature out of “things I wasn’t expecting to make me cry.” This time it was a dog saying, “this is my new favourite food.”      

[mothermaidenclone-blog]

Tomb Raider or I Really Hope Lara Had Her Tetanus Shot

I really enjoyed the 2013 Tomb Raider video game; it had a strong female protagonist, a comforting platform feel, satisfying quick time events and just enough collectibles to satisfy that particular need in me without driving me mad. So I was looking forward to the film in much the same way that I had Assassin’s Creed - I thought it would be a nostalgic revisit to a franchise I enjoy with cool stunts and impressive visuals. I even harboured a mild hope that they might continue to holistically develop a once problematic but now, in my own game experience at least, mostly very admirable female video game character. But mostly I was just holding out for sweet tricks.

*Tomb Raider Spoilers Follow*

First thing’s first, Lara Croft (Alicia Vikander) is the only woman with any real screen time and dialogue in this film, but she is undeniably the star of the show. If I’m being very generous, I’d say there’s about double the amount of named male to female characters, and the vast majority of extras, especially once on the island, are men. For me, this really felt like a film of two halves - the first of which I really enjoyed. Lara is immediately introduced as physically strong, we see her first in a boxing match against another woman, but she’s also being cheered on by a female friend, Sophie (Hannah John-Kamen). Canniness, independence and motivation are all established early on as characteristics of Lara’s. My only real problem with her personality is that her physical attributes are extolled over her intellectual ones - I don’t want this review to be a constant comparison to the game, but I really liked the depiction of Lara as a history nerd first and an action hero second in the 2013 reboot. This Lara, however, seemed to value her athletic and martial skills most highly, and her interest in history and legend came as a secondary feature in consequence to her wondering about her father’s death.

Regardless of these priorities, the vast majority of the first half of this film is Lara striking out on her own, determined to cross half the world to solve a mystery, undaunted by both dangerous waters and nefarious conspiracies. Once on the island, Lara pulls off numerous incredible feats of strength, acrobatics, dexterity and sheer force of will. I was torn between feeling slightly voyeuristic at watching her suffer so much and feeling triumph by proxy at how she overcomes every obstacle in her way. Also, the stunts were very good and cool, so that’s that box ticked.

The pinnacle of Lara’s transformation, and the ultimate test of her survival, is her first kill. It is slow, traumatic and about as realistic as a video game movie is likely to get. Although the recent game did a similar job of not trivialising this moment for Lara, it could have been very easy to make this a flippant thing. Also, I’m super glad the film decided to remove the completely unnecessary sexual violence angle that was present in the same moment in the game, good choice guys. This is a poignant moment showcasing not only Lara’s physical capabilities, but cementing her as a victor, not a victim, in the eyes of the audience.

However, this intrinsic, character-forming moment is immediately ruined by the appearance of Lara’s supposedly dead father, Richard Croft (Dominic West), running ludicrously through the forest looking like Julian Barratt in The Legend of Milky Joe episode of The Mighty Boosh. If you do not know this reference, please look it up, it’s one of the pinnacles of human comedy; and that’s exactly my point, this almost sacred moment is obliterated by her father parading farcically in the background. The audience is given no time to absorb what just happened and this is the tragic turning point in the film for me. From here on out, all of Lara’s actions are motivated by her father: for example, she is scolded by him and strikes out on her own out of what looks like stroppy, teenage rebellion, not her previous defiant independent quest for truth and vengeance. Furthermore, Richard just gets in the way; he gets himself captured and gives Lara terrible advice for how to proceed, including asking her to shoot him after all she’s been through. Although a quick death might have been preferable for a man who was supposed to be deceased in the first place and just won’t die! He takes up far too much screen time and commands too many of Lara’s motivations in a story that is supposed to be about her independent journey of discovery. I genuinely was more excited when the iconic red climbing axe appeared and was way more invested in Lara’s relationship with this inanimate tool than her bad-community-theatre-Hamlet-who-loves-the-limelight-and-just-won’t-die of a dad. That is not a criticism of West’s acting, he played the part superbly, but his character was just unnecessary to the story. The plot would have functioned basically exactly the same if he really had been dead all along, except we could have focused on Lara’s personal solo character development and what her internal motives would have been. Also there would have been way more time for stunts.

There are two minor named female characters in Tomb Raider, but they play very little into the overall story. Ana Miller (Kristin Scott Thomas) does hold some sway in the plot as Lara’s somewhat aloof but also apparently caring guardian. She turns out to be at the centre of a totally unnecessary extra layer of conspiracy, but all of that is so convoluted that it detracts from her impact and makes her more of a trope than a character. It’s all the more annoying when this is clearly done solely as a set up for a franchise that is very unlikely to happen. Pamela (Jamie Winstone) also provides brief comic relief as part of a duo with her pawn shop owning husband, Max (Nick Frost). Once again, more of a device than a person.

Overall, the first half of Tomb Raider was a promising set up for the origin story of a capable, determined, strong, intelligent, female hero, but the story fell short as soon as Lara became defined by her relationship to her father, instead of by her own motivations. I think I’m more upset about this watering down and pandering to her dad than nine year old me was about having to murder a whole bunch of endangered animals to complete the games.

And now for some asides:

This film documents the poshest instance ever of anyone saying “laters”.

The parachute sequence brought back painful memories of me impaling myself four million times trying to do that bit in the game.

However much I rage about it taking more than a slap in the nuts to make a strong female character, I do love to see it.

[mothermaidenclone-blog]

The Shape of Water or For Everyone Who Ever Had A Crush on the Swamp Thing

You did it, Del Toro! We finally got our beautiful, very weird, supernatural love story that was actually magical and not about incest for some reason, à la Crimson Peak. The Shape of Water was a strange and romantic story centred around a unique female protagonist. She is exceptional in a variety of ways, perhaps most notably that it feels as though she is on screen for the vast majority of the film.

*The Shape of Water Spoilers Follow*

This remarkable female lead was Elisa Esposito (Sally Hawkins), a mute cleaner immediately described by the narrator as a princess. Whilst this could be interpreted as chauvinistic and patronising, it is also rare for a disabled female character of low socio-economic standing to be equated to royalty. Our introduction to Elisa is fairly stark: we see her mundane morning routine, which involves boiling eggs, having a bath and masturbating. We see her completely naked - pubic hair and all, which I always condone the normalising of in Hollywood. On the one hand, this is a voyeuristic intrusion into a very private part of Elisa’s life, but it also frames her as a sexual being; a real human with a libido, rather than some lofty and impossible ideal. Yes, this is a transgressive trespass into her personal life, but god forbid anyone finds out that women masturbate too.

Elisa’s sexuality plays a large part of her relationship with the Amphibian Man (Doug Jones). This is no courtly love that lacks a physical side; despite their different physiologies, the sexual aspect of their romance is prominent. The pair share at least one scene luxuriously exploring each other’s naked bodies, and although the Amphibian Man has no visible genitalia, this is not left potentially ambiguous. Elisa later goes on to explain his anatomy in great detail, using both sign language and mime to make it very clear that he has a penis.

The very tangible, sexual nature of their relationship, combined with their mostly non-verbal communication, makes for a very unusual love story. There is not the sense of doubt that perhaps the man has wooed the woman with fancy flattery and false intentions. Due to the initial lack of speech, and later only limited use of sign language, it is clear that their romance is very honest, based around their sexual attraction and curiosity towards each other, as well as the genuine feelings they illicit from each other. Elisa explains it thusly, “When he looks at me, the way he looks at me… He does not know what I lack… Or - how - I am incomplete. He sees me, for what I - am, as I am. He’s happy - to see me. Every time. Every day.” This makes their relationship one of the most sincere and balanced that I can think of in a major movie. There are no societal pressures or outside influences affecting them; they are both so outside of the accepted norm to begin with, so these factors simply do not come into play. Furthermore, one does not pursue the other, they explore each other with equal interest and there is never any unwanted attention.

One final aspect of their relationship that is singular is that the woman is the rescuer. Despite being dubbed the “princess” in this tale, the Amphibian Man is the one sequestered in the guarded fortress and Elisa is his liberator. This is due to her innate and impressive bravery, which manifests not only in her standing up to her superior Richard Strickland (Michael Shannon), but ultimately in her admirable emancipation of the Amphibian Man. In response to her neighbour and friend, Giles (Richard Jenkins), asserting that the Amphibian Man isn’t worth endangering themselves over because, “it’s not even human”, Elisa replies, “if we do nothing, neither are we”. Not only does she have strong empathetic moral principles and a sense of justice, but she is willing to risk her job, freedom and possibly even life to uphold them. Therefore, as a hero, Elisa is brave and selfless, and as a lover she is honest and has complete agency over her own sexuality and desires.

Elisa is supported in all of this by her fantastic friend, Zelda (Octavia Spencer). Zelda is there for Elisa in every aspect of her life - she saves her a spot in line when punching in at work, offers an alternative translation to Strickland when Elisa swears at him, doesn’t tell Strickland any of Elisa’s secrets and warns Elisa when she is being pursued. Additionally, she does not judge at all when Elisa reveals the intimate nature of her relationship with the Amphibian Man - she expresses curiosity as to the mechanics of it, and once that is cleared up, she just has a giggle with Elisa. Zelda is a firm friend who supports Elisa through her disability, her relationship with a non-human being and a mission to rescue him from a secret and heavily fortified facility. If that’s not best friendship, I don’t know what is.

Other than Yolanda (Allegra Fulton), an irate coworker who basically just repeatedly shouts at Elisa for cutting in the punch-in queue, there is really only one other named female character, Richard Strickland’s wife, Elaine (Lauren Lee Smith). She is both the paradigm and paradoxical ideal of a 1950s housewife - immaculate housewife and dutiful mother who is ready to satiate her husband’s sexual needs. Once she is in the bedroom with Richard, Elaine is immediately a victim. She quickly becomes uncomfortable with their sexual activity once Richard starts putting his rotting fingers over her mouth and nose, which she unsurprisingly asks him to stop, but he carries on regardless and only tells her to be silent. Elaine is tragically only present mostly in a non-consensual sex scene seemingly just to reinforce that Strickland is a bad guy. This, as well as several jarring instances of racism and homophobia, pulled me from the atmosphere of this film because we don’t want to see people - especially groups of people who have historically been abused - being mistreated on screen. Writing this blog has given me a strong stance on sexual violence against women in film, which is that I find it so abhorrent to watch that I always wonder what point the writer or director was trying to get across, and that there must have been some other way of doing it. Much the same can be said of the blatant racism and homophobia that some characters exhibit in The Shape of Water. I know it’s all there to make the baddies seem badder, and furthermore that a film would be very boring without any conflict, but I can’t help but feel - especially in the case of Del Toro - that there must be another, possibly more intelligent, way of getting those sentiments across without mistreating already marginalised groups of people. On the other hand, 1950s America was fraught with sexism, racism and homophobia, and so not to show that could be seen as robbing those victimised of their stories and voice, and sugar coating a time in history that should never be forgotten, one we tragically still need to learn from today.

Overall, The Shape of Water focuses on a spectacular female hero - a disabled woman not portrayed as a victim, but as someone with a libido, sexual autonomy, strong moral principles and the bravery to do what is right, in addition to a sense of humour and loyalty to her friends. Furthermore, we see this dedication through the important showcasing of a strong relationship between two capable women, both of their most admirable qualities being reflected in the way they treat each other. All of this ends with an unconventional but beautiful and sound romantic relationship, which I feel perfectly struck the difficult balance of showing that independence doesn’t have to mean loneliness, and that love should be a collaboration, not a submission.

And now for some asides:

Zelda utterly supported my belief that anyone who works with bodily fluids should have one they can pass on. She clarified, “I can handle pee, I can handle poo, but blood, blood does something to me.” I have my own teaching assistant scale going on, which also includes snot and sick, and my idea of a perfect team is a complete circle of having someone to cover that one you just can’t handle. A little insight into my day job there.

The most important part of any heist should surely be selecting the correct cardigan, can this be in all crime movies from now on please?

My favourite part of this whole film was the old lady in front of me in the cinema cackling uproariously at the Amphibian Man dick joke.

[mothermaidenclone-blog]

Black Panther or Do You Think Hollywood has got the Idea that This is What we Want Yet?

Well, Black Panther was basically the best film ever. It’s been a very long time since I saw a film that didn’t only tick the box of being not problematic, but instead actively portrayed a variety of incredible female role models, as well as just being a good quality film. I laughed out loud more than I have in any recent movie. Also, and I know it’s obvious to anyone with eyes right now, but it’s still worth saying; not only was Black Panther full of fantastic female characters, it was full of fantastic black female characters. So hopefully Hollywood will finally get the message that thats’s something we need and want more of please.

*Black Panther spoilers follow* 

The first two women we meet are unnamed members of the Dora Milaje (Shaunette Reneé Wilson and Christine Hollingsworth), the all-female special forces of Wakanda, who immediately leave an impression. Their costumes are rich and decorative, as well as definitely female without being chainmail bikinis, but they are also practical and powerful looking. The most prominent member of the Dora Milaje that we meet is its leader, Okoye (Danai Gurira). It goes without saying that she is incredibly skilled in both combat and strategy, but she is a multi-faceted character that goes far beyond the stoic soldier stereotype. She is primarily a very pragmatic character, thinking about the greater good, but she is also capable of great love, both for her country and her partner, W’Kabi (Daniel Kaluuya). In addition, she has a sense of humour, sharing a joke with Shuri (Letitia Wright) at the expense of her older brother T’Challa (Chadwick Boseman).

Okoye is also driven by a strong code of ethics, remaining loyal to the throne even if she personally dislikes who sits upon it, but as soon as she is given an opportunity to fight back that abides by her rules, she does, and leads the charge in defence of T’Challa. She puts everything on the line to protect what she believes to be right, including her relationship with W’Kabi, who eventually bends the knee to her - either out of deference to her superior military might of because he respected Okoye’s decisions and realised that he had taken the wrong side. Therefore, Okoye is shown to be exceptionally strong, not only physically but in terms of her principles, and is a well rounded character, willing to love and make jokes when she can.

Another woman who is introduced in a military setting but grows well beyond that is Nakia (Lupita Nyong’o). When we meet Nakia she is undercover at deep personal risk, imprisoned in the back of a truck with a group of women who she almost immediately begins to defend by attacking their captors. Just like Okoye, she quickly goes on to prove that she is more than just a soldier by preventing T’Challa from killing a young man who was forced into fighting. Here we see Nakia’s driving principles - her strong morals, sense of justice and a deep desire to help people in need. She is partially portrayed as a love interest, as she is T’Challa’s ex lover and the pair continue to flirt throughout the film. Despite this, Nakia always remains in control of the conversation; for example, T’Challa jokes that she would make a good queen if she wasn’t so stubborn and Nakia replies, “I would make a great queen because I’m so stubborn - if that’s what I wanted.” However, Nakia’s romantic involvement is overshadowed by that of her role as T’Challa’s conscience: she is forever reminding T’Challa of all the good that Wakanda could do in the world if they shared their science and knowledge with those in need.

As far as the aforementioned technology is concerned, Shuri is the shining star of Black Panther. The teenage sister of T’Challa, she is a wonderful counterpart to his physical strength and seriousness - Shuri is a scientific genius with a cheeky and irreverent sense of humour. She has a vast intellectual repertoire, including knowledge of medicine, robotics, communications and a wide number of other disciplines that I wouldn’t even know the name of. Without her, T’Challa would have the strength of his own body, but not much else - she designed his suit and shoes, remotely drives his car and provides technical support for basically everything he does. Her jokes comprised most of my laugh out loud moments of the film, and continuously inject comedy into otherwise serious moments; such as disrupting the coronation ceremony by complaining about her corset. Shuri is also very driven woman, wanting to improve the world in any way she can; with reference to their technology, she says, “just because something works, doesn’t mean it can’t be improved.”

T’Challa does not only rely on his sister for support, but also his mother, Ramonda (Angela Bassett). He looks to her and Shuri in his first coronation trial, and visibly finds confidence in them cheering him on. Ramona does not play the biggest role in Black Panther, but is portrayed not only as a regal and dignified queen, but also a caring mother who T’Challa can turn to when in need.

Shuri is not the only female character with an aptitude for technology; Linda (Nabiyah Be) appears to be in charge of the computer and communications aspects of the heist pulled off by Erik Stevens (Michael B. Jordan). She is a quietly brilliant supporting character, showcasing her aptitude on a variety of occasions, so it is sad that he is killed by Erik, her lover, just so he can get to his real target.

There is only one white woman with a speaking role in Black Panther, an unnamed museum director (Francesca Fariday), who briefly showcases her historical knowledge before she too is murdered by Erik. It could be argued that she is dying for the violent sins of her plundering, colonial and imperialist ancestors, as she is poisoned in a gallery full of stolen African artefacts. Or perhaps she was simply killed because the heist involved the need for paramedic disguises and a getaway ambulance. I’ll leave that one up to you.

Overall, Black Panther showcased superb female characters, who excelled because they were well-rounded, multi-talented yet relatable human beings. it wasn’t just a matter of “look how good at kicking these women are, that means they’re strong, right?” These women were capable in combat, loyal friends, scientific geniuses, empathetic activists, lovers, caring mother, regal queens and wise-crackers - and they were all black. That means a generation of young black girls get to go to the cinema and can see these possible versions of themselves, not just one token princess to aspire to. If that’s not what a superhero movie is supposed to do, then I don’t know what it is.

And now for some asides:

It’s so nice that they let Andy Serkis out to stretch his real human legs for once. Only one arm though, let’s not go crazy.

Teenage, black, female Q is literally everything I’ve ever wanted.

WHAT ARE THOSE?!?!?!

[mothermaidenclone-blog]

Downsizing or Blame Women For All Your Shortcomings

It's been a day and a half since I saw Downsizing and I’m still not sure what I think about it. The problem was mostly a tonal one, which was partly the fault of the trailer for advertising it as a whimsical comedy, when I’m not sure if Downsizing wants me to be moved by the good that people are capable of or gloomily contemplate the downfall of humanity, or just laugh at a few dick and butt jokes. The messages from the women in this film are just as mixed.

*Downsizing spoilers follow*

Most of the women in Downsizing fall into the reductive and derogatory category of “look at all these women who let Paul (Matt Damon) down even though he’s such a nice guy.” The first woman to be guilty of such a crime is Paul’s unnamed mother (Jayne Houdyshell) who does nothing but complain, and Paul later goes on to imply that the reason he never rose to meteoric heights as a surgeon is that he had to put his own life on hold to care for her in her illness. She promptly dies off screen and is replaced by Paul’s wife, Audrey (Kristen Wiig), who is in the same room of the same house still bemoaning her own pain, whilst Paul does what he can to care for her. Audrey also disappoints Paul by failing to downsize with him, therefore robbing him of his life of luxury, forcing him to live in a humble apartment rather than a mansion and hold down a job in a call centre. She is shown to be greedy and materialistic - she’s the one who wants the big house, Paul just wants to make her happy, and she appears to force a better deal out of the divorce settlement. Furthermore, her decision making is irrational, vain and selfish; it’s having her head shaved that triggers her decision not to downsize and she’s constantly wailing about how everything affects her, showing little consideration for how Paul feels. Therefore, both Paul’s wife and mother seem to merge into one female proxy that symbolises how women keep taking the things he deserves away from him - his career, dream house and life of leisure are all kept from him by these women.

Once he is small, women continue to let Paul down. He attempts to start dating again, and meets single Kristen (Kerri Kenney), a single mother also coping with some of the unforeseen problems of downsizing - such as her son being afraid of his enormous grandparents. Paul willingly subverts her saying that it’s too soon for him to meet her son into Kristen dumping him and storms off, leaving her calling after him in the corridor; in his mind, once again abandoned by a woman. Even when he tries to blow off some steam at a party, Paul is “deceived” by an anonymous woman who offers him drugs, which Paul appears to believe is some sort of unspoken contract for a sexual encounter, but once he has taken the pill she returns to the party, leaving Paul alone and hard done by again.

The only female character with any substance is Ngoc Lan Tran (Hong Chan), a Vietnamese activist who was downsized against her will in a prison which killed her sister before becoming the only survivor of a perilous crossing to America in a television box which cost her one of her legs. Her backstory alone immediately makes her a much more interesting character than Paul, whose only real problem is that he is divorced and not quite as rich as he would like to be. Additionally, she has a personality, which is more than can be said for Paul. Instead of a meek and mild mannered martyr, she is fiery, direct, honest and pragmatic, showing her care for others through useful actions. She is at the utter bottom of the socio-economic chain of the supposedly idyllic Leisureland community, but she never laments her situation, she just does what she can to make it better for those around her, caring for the sick and collecting food for the rest of her community.

Paul is also shown to be a good person, he constantly tends to the injuries of those around him, but these gestures almost seem superimposed onto the film, a big, flashy sign that says, “look at poor Paul, he’s such a nice guy.” If these instances were removed from Downsizing, he’s just a man constantly believing that he’s been short-changed by life, chasing the idea that he deserves better and is meant to be part of something bigger. He also seems to feel the need to bring women with him on these ventures, first (unsuccessfully) talking Audrey into downsizing with him, then attempting to bring Ngoc Lan into a doomsday cult vault with him where they would spend the rest of their lives. Their two responses to this situation sum up the differences in their characters perfectly - Paul wants to go because he believes he is intrinsically important and destined to become a part of something monumental, whereas Ngoc Lan chooses to stay because she knows for a fact that she can still do good to actually help people out in the real world.

The romance between these two characters is completely inexplicable; it comes out of nowhere, neither of them seem to have actually had feelings for each other up to that point, and appears to only serve to give Paul a reason to come out of the vault and back to reality at the end. Friendship and the value of the common sense in Ngoc Lan’s advice to stay and deliver pragmatic aid to people in need could have been enough, but apparently sex had to be the main motivator.

There are a few other named female characters, and women are very present in the background as nurses, administrators, real estate agents and sales representatives. One of the latter is Laura Lonowski (Laura Dern) who we briefly meet in a bath trying to convince people to downsize because they can have lots of diamonds, just like her. Anne-Helene Asbjørnsen (Ingjerd Egeberg) makes several short appearances as the wife of Dr. Jørgen Asbjørnsen (Rolf Lassgård), the scientist who made downsizing possible. In some respects she is a pioneer, as one of the first people ever to downsize, but she is mostly portrayed as a devoted wife, supporting Jørgen in all of his decisions and endeavours, even if they involve starting a doomsday cult. Finally, there is Solveig Edvardsen (Margareta Peterson), a fellow believer in the apocalypse, who seems to exist to emphasise the fanaticism of the Norwegian colony, with her eccentric behaviour and appearance, as well as making Paul (and presumably, the intended audience) uncomfortable with the sexuality of a comfortable older woman, as her talking about mountain Paul as a pony in her dream is one of the moments that Downsizing seems to be reminding us that it’s maybe a comedy.

Overall, the women in Downsizing are mostly used as the root cause of all the shortcomings in the life of one fairly uncharismatic and uninteresting man. Thankfully, Ngoc Lan rises above this as a human being with an actual personality and sense of purpose. She overcomes so much adversity and remains positive without becoming a sappy stereotype of a do-gooder. It’s just a shame to see such a unique female character suffer a fate as old as cinema itself, falling into an unfathomable romance with the main white man, when friendship could have been just as poignant.

And now for some asides:

I really enjoyed how many satisfying levers, dials and switches there were in this film, the fidgeter in me wanted to play with them all.

Umm, excuse me, why was there such an extended colonic irrigation scene? Can we please never do that again?

I think if I was supposed to be sickened by anything in this film it was humanity (maybe?) but really it was the proliferation of McMansions. My eyes!                                            

[mothermaidenclone-blog]

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle or Perhaps Not Such a Curse After All

I wrestled with whether or not to write about Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle - as it’s primarily about a curse, my heart told me that it’s a horror/fantasy, whilst the tone is obviously action/comedy, but the main plot point is that four teenagers get sucked into a video game, so here we go. Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle falls into that wonderful category of films I had subterraneanly low expectations for, that I went to see because there was nothing else on that week, but actually it ended up being pretty fun.

*Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle spoilers follow*

The women in Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle didn’t start off on the best foot. The first female character we see is Spencer’s Mum (Marin Hinkle), a paranoid, overprotective germaphobe. However, she is followed by Fridge’s Mum (Tracey Bonner) who seems to be a better example of a parent, firm but wanting the best for her son. Then we met Bethany (Madison Iseman), who is first seen agonising over the perfect, completely artificial selfie for Instagram. She is shown to be a social media addicted narcissist with very little empathy, who is obsessed with being noticed by a boy. The next character we meet is Martha (Morgan Turner), who is portrayed as a somewhat belligerent and self-important nerd, belittling her P.E. teacher’s life choices and becoming immediately confrontational with Bethany.

After this poor introduction, the girls quite quickly become amazing. They have a brief clash in which they point out each other’s flaws, but they honestly own up to them and work together from that point on. In contrast, the boys - Spencer (Alex Wolff) and Fridge (Ser’Darius Blain) - bicker continually, with Fridge actually pushing Spencer off a cliff at one point. Whilst they do make up eventually, I don’t think Fridge ever apologises to Spencer for saying it was his fault he got kicked off the team, when all Spencer did was white essays for him. So against this backdrop, the girls go from strength to strength. Martha agrees to go wildly out of her comfort zone for the sake of the team, and Bethany does what she can to help her. Bethany is continually supportive, defending Martha’s attempts from the boys’ criticism, “She’s never flirted before, give her a break,” and welcoming Martha back with wild praise, “You should be giving me lessons in kicking ass, give me a hug girlfriend!” This female support network is not something I was expecting to see in a dumb action movie.

Bethany’s character continues to develop extraordinarily, with her becoming willing to jeopardise herself to save her friends. She does not capitulate when captured and literally gives some of her in-game life to save fellow trapped teen, Alex (Mason Guccione), playing the character of Jefferson “Seaplane” McDonough (Nick Jonas). The latter is almost certainly because she fancies him, but as she does not know what he looks like in real life, this is still a progression from the image-obsessed Bethany we meet at the start.

Speaking of crushes, Martha does end up snogging Spencer, but I’m not too offended by the romance elements in Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle, as Martha isn’t really ending the film any less independent than she was at the start, as all that was professed was, “like like”. Also, teenagers are, scientifically speaking, the horniest people on the planet, so it makes sense really.

Within the game itself, Martha’s avatar, Ruby Roundhouse (Karen Gillan), is the only character with a female body. As the vast majority of the film is set within this video game, this means that we only see one woman for a very long time. Her costume is ridiculous, which Martha immediately calls out, “Why am I wearing half a shirt and short shorts in a jungle?” Apparently, this is a homage to Lara Croft, but a pastiche and the character saying out loud that it’s bad doesn’t really make it any more acceptable. Ruby Roundhouse is exceptionally athletically capable and skilled in combat, but also possesses Martha’s intellect. Her first death is somewhat disappointing and seems arbitrary - she is shot off camera somewhere and dies suddenly of her wounds. However, she brings about her second death intentionally, using the knowledge of the in-game mechanics to willingly sacrifice one of her lives but ultimately save the day. Which was great, because when I saw her surrounded by snakes I was steeling myself for a gross, phallic, swarm death.

Ruby is the only physical female presence in the game because Bethany inhabits a male avatar, Professor Sheldon “Shelly” Oberon (Jack Black). I thought this was going to be a set up for Jack Black squealing about broken nails all the time, but I was pleasantly surprised. First of all, he played a teenage girl excellently and secondly, the film did actually address what it would be like for a girl to inhabit the body of a man. There was an extended scene where Bethany had to be taught how to pee, with her exclaiming in delight, “This is so much easier!” and in another instance she got an erection after hugging Alex, to which she responds, “Oh my god! These things are crazy!” As the physical signs of female arousal are so much more subtle than a man’s, I feel like it’s hardly ever acknowledged in cinema that teenage girls experience sexual lust as well as romantic love, whereas you can’t move in a coming-of-age comedy for boner jokes. So even though a male proxy was used, it was good to see a somewhat normalisation of female teenage sexual feelings. In all these circumstances, the boys were quite embarrassed, being obviously reticent about discussing it, whereas Bethany was very open, both in asking for the help she needed and just revelling in the experience. I can put together a small slideshow in my mind of body swaps where male characters instantly grab their new boobs and stare down their tops at their cleavages, but can’t conjure too many examples of the alternative, so thanks for this Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle.

Overall, the female characters in Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle really develop; they become not only better people but better friends, in a way that the boys just don’t. They achieve this through a combination of honesty and teamwork that I really wasn’t expecting. This being said, Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle is still a very, very stupid film. Fun, but super dumb.

And now for some asides:

I love the idea of respawning in a game giving your enemy an advantage, like when Fridge fell thought the bazaar roof, allowing the bad bird to see in. I think death being punished by physical, negative changes in your environment could be a cool mechanic.

When they turned from the torch-lit path I really thought they were going to attempt to reach their goal the same way that I do in every Bethesda game, by going stubbornly sideways up a mountain.

I related to an awkward, auburn-haired geek girl being shitty about having to do P.E. so much, except I would never have had the guts to actually confront a teacher, I would have just drawn rude comics about them behind their backs.