#i tried to tag people i dont usually tag in these types of thing

[icewindandboringhorror]

sleepy mr baby + other random misc images

[the-kipsabian]

ao3 tagging my beloathed

[alchemiclee]

as a fellow introvert; we are social creatures. introverts who purposefully see no one for months on end are usually just in a cycle where its been so long since they’ve hung out that it’s too intimidating for them to do anymore. i 100% feel tired after hanging out with my friends but i DO also feel happy and refreshed! tl;dr - you’re super normal lol. try to reach out to a couple people just to chat this week <3

thanks for reaching out I really appreciate it❤️ but I have to rant a bit. I allow you to ignore it!

I wish to not be a social creature because going too long without having a friend to talk to or not having someone to talk with almost daily feels bad and it's so hard to have a friend when I need one D:

i've been reaching out to people for the last few weeks or so but they don't reach back. try playing games with people but they play with their other friends or dont feel like playing. invite people to hang out but they say maybe and never give an answer or don't respond.

I don't want to bother my closest friends in our group chat too much in our group chat but the chat is mostly me sending messages with no response and even couple times saying I need a friend when I was having bad days but they didn't want to chat and I dont want to force anyone to entertain my lonely depressed ass. (especially when all I really needed was to talk about the new star rail stuff to distract me but I don't think they've finished it yet so I don't want to spoil) they live together so they always have to socialize and probably make each other tired without needing to add me to it.

so i've also been trying to reach out to new people, like joining twitch chats again for the first time in years. but that never goes well and doesn't satisfy my social needs. too many people talking at once and being the new person no one cares about and all....getting to know a new is very exhausting. but it's so hard to just be able to skip all that getting to know each other stuff jump straight into talking about a thing we both like (in this case it's star rail and cosplay and maybe art) I don't have enough already-known people to reach out to and i'm too tired to do the small talk dance until it's appropriate to jump into special interest territory. being autistic is so exhausting. I with to be one of those rare autistics I sometimes hear about that have 0 interest in social interaction at all

so as you can see, i'm trying. so hard. to the point I'm exhausting myself. it's been too much work for no payoff and makes things feel worse when the outcome isn't what I need and its constant reaching with no one grabbing my hand back. so I keep making annoying tumblr posts about it. i'm so sorry to anyone that reads my nonsense 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 this is a normal thing with me but it's usually kept to my other blog that's reserved for more serious posts like this but I tried posting here as a way to "reach out" and see if it invites any friendly friends or something but I don't think i'm doing it right...

(but I am going to a con tomorrow with someone I haven't talked to in like 2 years. but we don't have anything in common anymore so theres not much to talk about. he's the only person who responded to me after trying to reach out for like a month but I fear it will only exhaust me being around too many people and not help this gross need to have a deeper connecting socialization D:)

[lovely-keii]

being their sibling

characters: tsukishima kei, oikawa tooru, suna rintarou

a/n: i write a fic every time i rewatch hq LOL sorry ik i said im abandoning this blog buuuut…happy bday to this blog!! (repost from 1/5 because tags broke :(( )

part 1

TSUKISHIMA KEI

looks out for you, but he can’t help that hes so emotionally constipated :’( he tries to give you advice because he genuinely is concerned for you but just is unable to word anything properly. see: “you need to stop talking to that person, you’re being a pushover,” but he just wants you to realize you’re letting people walk all over you.

god forbid he has to comfort you because hes the wrong brother for that - you’re definitely in better hands with akiteru. he might walk in on you crying and contemplate if he’ll even say anything or just ignore it flat out, or he’ll say something like “don’t cry, you look stupid.” if you cry more, he’ll end up swallowing his pride and sitting next to you. he’ll groan and reluctantly, “fine, spill it.”

other than that, he’s going to be a sneaky little prick. definitely the type to take revenge on you if you annoy him. you eat the last piece of chocolate he was saving and suddenly you find your charger hidden deep under your bed. also loves to take things without your permission. “why? i’m just using it, it’s not like you need it now.”

if someone picks a fight with you, he’ll be quick to extract you from the situation before saying something ruder and harsher than usual to the person. and if you tell him you like someone from his team, he’s going to look at you like you’re crazy. “are you insane?!” he’s honestly more bewildered than upset. doesn’t let you anywhere near the gym. he can make an exception for yamaguchi though. “at least it’s not hinata…or worse, kageyama.”

OIKAWA TOORU

your life is never boring with this guy as your brother. you’re literally being dragged everywhere, practices, shopping, team events… you’re like “i’m not even part of the team.” he goes “we can fix that!” and the next day you find out that you’re the manager for the boys’ volleyball team. huh, wonder how that happened.

oh my god, he MILKS you being his manager. “hold my drink, my fans are calling.” “y/n get my towel please.” you’re absolutely seething at the power trip that this guy is on. eventually, you start doing all that for his other team members and not for him, and he gets so whiney. “y/n you’ll get big ugly iwaizumi a towel but not your own sweet brother?!” that earns him a spike to the head from iwaizumi.

he tells you all the gossip about the school, because believe me, he knows A LOT of things. he’ll do his skin care while he forces you to listen to his gossip, cue him getting mad if you try to leave. everyone realizes why you two are siblings when you two walk down the halls and pull the exact same faces at the people he’s told you about in his gossip.

he makes you his little scapegoat for his fangirls. “oh, you want my number? you’ll have to ask y/n for that, they keep my phone with them during practice!” (you dont) “now, why don’t you girls hand all these gifts to my lovely sibling for me?” (you almost immediately chuck them at his face when you see him) but you know the best way to get back at him? when he sees you even slightly conversing with ushijima or kageyama, all hell breaks loose.

SUNA RINTAROU

the devil if the devil was your brother. he takes the ugliest pictures of you, when you’re asleep, when you’re yelling, when you’re crying over a movie. he also loves to send you pictures of animals and send a “look at you in this picture, so cute”. he also takes your things without asking and never returns it, you’ll just find it in his bag one day.

he also is one to order you around, and it drives you mad. “pass me the remote, y/n.” “but it’s nearer to you.” “i’ll tell mom that you-” // “y/n get me a drink from the vending machine.” “why would i do that” “remember when you snuck out and i-” // “get my bag too when you get yours.” “no.” “what i post that one picture of you when you’re about to sneeze-”

but he’s always looking out for you. when creeps try to approach you, he’s quick to react by shooting them a nasty glare. he’s a silent kind of care. standing behind you on elevators, walking on the outer side of the sidewalk, staying up late til you come home and just telling you he just couldnt sleep. little do you know, it’s something he’s always done even as a kid. putting more food on your lunch box, holding the corner of tables when you pick something up so you don’t hit your head, returning your things that are sprawled around the house to your room so you don’t lose them.

and if he ever finds you crying over some guy, he sighs and sits down next to you. “why’re you crying over an idiot?” he then makes snappy insults at the expense of the guy, making you laugh. “see? you look better like that. now stop crying and let me get some sleep.” he closes the light and shuts the door on his way out.

[psychiatricwarfare]

PLEASE tag unreality posts properly

ok so ive noticed that some of yall really have no idea what unreality means and i can tell because i have the tag blacklisted so i dont get needlessly triggered while scrolling through tumblr dot com and as long as im told its not real its usually fine so ill click on the button to view it and itll be like... a picture of someones childhood home.. that... that is Not unreality. even if it is YOUR childhood home and it makes YOU disassociate. that is Not unreality and you're needlessly making Other delusional/psychotic/disassociative people's minds run wild as it tries to guess What in this picture isnt real & can spiral into convincing ourselves that nothing is real

on the other hand, sometimes ill be hit with a post with No Warning that says some shit like "THEY are coming for you. Hide." and like do i need to explain how this is harmful??

im not saying you cant shitpost or weirdpost or creepypost or whatever but pls tag properly (learn how under the cut)

if you dont know what should be tagged as unreality, its anything that isnt actually real/true, i would say that most importantly, unreality should be tagged on posts that could trigger delusions in people. think back to the me or ps5 song, the guy who originally duetted her has come forward asking people to please tag it as unreality due to the lines "its me boy im the ps5 speaking to you from inside your brain" and "listen to me, boy, your free will is an illusion" triggering people into experiencing delusions. in general, if the goal of your post is to harmlessly scare someone at 2am by making up a spooky scenario or evil creature or whatever, it needs an unreality tag

"you have been chosen" type posts are a form of unreality as well and can trigger delusions of grandeur, religious delusions, etc.

eerie and unsettling posts (i particularly see this with photographs) with no words and/or anything fake added are NOT unreality, it is only unreality if there are UNreal elements or if the entire thing is made up

common tags that unreality is found in are things like weirdcore, dreamcore, liminalcore (<- this one is usually mistagged unsettling photographs of real places), chaos posting, etc.

if you have any more questions i highly recommend interacting with (& befriending) more people who experience dissociation/psychosis/schizophrenia/delusions/paranoia/etc so you can get a better understanding of what people like us experience

[luvhughes43]

nostalgia | trevor zegras x reader

suki waterhouse masterlist

part two

summary: y/n and trevor broke up as trevor had to leave her to play hockey in cali, since trevor did not want to do long distance. y/n thinks back to their relationship, the good and the bad, and thinks about how she wishes she could still be with trevor.

lyrics: "I talk about the past like i talk about you, i leave out every little thing that i dont like remembering" and "i miss you more than i say i do, you had to follow all your dreams, just wish that they included me"

word count: 0.8k

posted 3 years ago

y/nuser 

liked by trevorzegras, jackhughes, and others

y/nuser z baby

it wasn't that uncommon for people to ask you about your relationship with trevor. You’d be out at a sports bar with a few friends when Z's picture, or a highlight of his, would come on to the screen. Didn’t you two used to date? What was it like dating a hockey player? Is he a good person? Were all questions thrown your way. You usually just nodded or pretended you couldn't hear them. When you did feel nostalgia, and felt the need to talk, usually after multiple drinks but who was keeping track? you always made sure to tell everyone the happiest stories, the funniest jokes. You didn't like remembering the breakup and heartache. It was a long night of questions.

You escaped to the bar, dark blue light hitting off your face as you waited for the bartender to pass over your drink. you felt somebody nudge your shoulder, and you turned to find a girl around your age smiling at you. “Hey so i heard that you and Trevor Zegras used to-” 

You turned back to the bar just as the bartender took somebody else’s order a few spots away. Your drink was set in front of you and you were glad for the distraction, quickly downing it. “So like I was just wondering if you knew his type or… like had his number or something?” she continued on, clearly not getting the hint that you weren’t interested in the conversation.

“No i don't know him” you snapped as you pushed yourself up off your barstool and onto the crowded walkway. You shoved passed the blonde who scoffed loudly at you, and made your way to your friend. 

“I’m going to head out” you shouted over the ESPN theme and the shouts of sports fans. Your friend turned her head towards you, she bit her lip, and you could sense the pity coming off her in waves. “Is this about trevor? Sweetie, I thought you said you guys had a great relationship? There’s nothing for you to be sad about” her voice was like honey as she trailed her hand from your shoulder down to your wrist. She held onto your hand for a second before dropping it. 

You hadn’t told her how much you missed him, or the heartbreak you went through because of everything that happened. 

You tried to give Vanessa a reassuring smile, “Vanessa, I'm fine it's just too crowded in here”

“Okay well I don't want you to become a hermit or anything” she turned towards the guy she was after and gave an obnoxious fake laugh. You chuckled just to satisfy Vanessa before you turned quickly on your heel and made it the hell out of the building. 

Posted 2 year ago

y/nuser

Liked by trevorzegras, _alexturcotte, and others

y/nuser lake day🌞

tagged: trevorzegras

Baby! Come here! Trevor shouted down from the docks. 

I'm coming, I'm coming! You giggled as you finished lathering yourself up with sunscreen.

Look, I'm gonna show you how to paddle board, it’s so easy. I'll take you for a ride he smiled at you as you practically ran down to the dock. 

When you finally reached him, he grabbed you by your waist and spun you around. He set you down and he pressed his forehead against yours, I love you.

I love you! Trevor, please we can figure this out! You cried as he started packing up your things from his room. 

y/n i've thought a lot about this, and i'm leaving. I’m going to play for Anaheim and you’re not coming with me. He said, and it shocked you how casual he sounded about it. Just this morning he had told you he had loved you, letting you believe you guys had a chance.

Baby please… I don't have to come with you, we can do long distance or… we can think of something just please! You put your hands on top of his, effectively stopping him taking your clothes out of his dresser. 

I don't want to, he whispered and you swore it was a curse.

posted 1 years ago

trevorzegras

liked by jackhughes, jamie.drysdale, and others

trevorzegras a dream come true

Every time you saw him post, or saw a highlight or reel of him, your heart broke a little more. You couldn't help but miss him, even after how he broke things off with you. 

If anyone asked, you swore things broke up amicably, with the two of you smiling and wishing each other off well. You never let anyone know the heartbreak he caused, because you felt so stupid about it. He blindsided you, and if people knew how much you actually missed him… it made you feel sick. 

Despite it all you wished he could have seen you in his future. You could never be mad at him for having to follow his dreams, but the way he handled it… you hated that you still loved him so much. 

[d10nsaint]

DAPHINE

secretive plotter, kim dokja, yoo junghyuk, yoo sangah x gn!reader [separate]

another request from @rouecentric 😦⁉️🤯 so surprised rn. Anyways i love od but he’s not here because i don't wanna make them all have a romantic setting then have od be the only platonic one bcs he’s like 12.also tagging @elychee bcs they're AMAZING and wrote abt the lcf trio with a plus sized reader and you should really check it out [wink wink] i really tried to make this gn pls tell if it isn't THIS IS ALSO JUST ME SAYING NONSENSE BTW IT MIGHT NOT MAKE SENSE

ʚɞ Kim Dokja;

DOKJA is just happy he has a lover.

Really.

He also loves hugging you after a warm day—you’re just so soft and sweet to him (like anybody would be. hes so

He loves touching you. Hes just such a sucker for affection because he had none when he was younger, and he'd be elated to have someone who could handle his touch and affirm him throughout the day that its okay and they dont mind.

When it comes to your body,he really likes your chest.He lays on it when you both are lying down on the couch or even in bed. But once, one thing led to another on the couch and his head ended up on your thighs. he was literally shaking. His mind was going a million miles per hour and his face went beet red, and it was to the point where you had to make sure he was okay.

ʚɞ Yoo Sangah;

SANGAH is so naturally sweet and was raised in a way that everyone is the same—and thats how she sees people! Of course, not until she finds an s/o whos plus sized. She finally realizes the beauty of plus sized bodies !!

after a long day of work getting harassed, she just wants to go home and settle down in her lovers arms with a book and some detox tea !!

once, she was laying atop you reading a book with your back against the armrest of the couch and her back against yours, and then she realized something—you were very soft. Well, to her, atleast. Ever since, you’ve always been the big spoon!!

Shes never really had impure thoughts about you or your body….in fact, you’d have to bring stuff like that up to her in a conversation because of how little she thinks of it, so i cant really do the thigh thing

ʚɞ Yoo Junghyuk/Joonhyuk;

JUNGHYUK would just be happy that you’d survive a situation where he can't get you both food. ( Idk why i wrote that,i can't go 5 hours without getting hungry)

He’d usually carry you around as a form of training—and never admit it. He also does it just to be able to hold you, but whatever.

He'd be very fond of you (in his head) and try to be very subtle with it-he'd throw you a high grade item and say,'here,you're weak' and if you call him out, he'd glare at you and do nothing else.

By the time that you both are dating, he'd have opened up and really cherished you,hoping to make you happy and give you a life like him of the past would have.

If theres a point where youre dating and not fighting for your lives, he'd love to [secretly] just hold you in his arms and cherish you. It doesnt matter if he's standing up or laying down.He's just so happy to have you in his empty regressor life.

ʚɞ Secretive Plotter;

PLOTTER really doesnt care about body types, even when they come to his s/o UNLESS its very unhealthy.

As i’d suppose that you and plotter would be in a nice,loving and healthy relationship, he’s seen your body—no matter how insecure you are. He loves you no matter what, and nobody should ever dare to talk bad about your body and your habits or else he’d (as I said in a previous post) reign hell upon that person.

Putting the reassurance aside, hes very glad to have a thicker/ plus sized partner, due to how much his body is developed. He wouldnt have to see you as a doll and try to hold back his natural strength with all his might (i mean he still has to hold back) but its better than nothing!

he LOVES to put his hand on your thighs. He can't go a DAY without putting his hands on them, if its meant to be a reassuring caress or a more intimate touch. Male? Female? Something in between? He doesn’t care.

[the-s1lly-corner]

could you write pomni and jax (separated) x chubby/curvy reader, if you're okay with it?

Pomni and Jax x chubby/curvy reader!

typing this in the dark on my laptop so i can hardly see my keyboard so apologies if there some more typos than usual!! listening to terrible things by axie, very yummy very delicious fnaf song gotta admit that this one was a little hard to come up with ideas, since this is a little plain; given that id likely write the reader the same as a non-tagged reader since theres no specific scenario or personality tied to this (no shade to you btw!)

POMNI:

loves you a lot and i think she subconsciously leans into you when you guys are walking together or sitting with one another; especially if youre taller than her (very likely). while i dont think theres anyone in the circus whos mean enough to bodyshame you (yes this includes jax), on the chance that someone is being mean to you for whatever reason, shes going to do her best to try to stand up for you. very soft, cuddling before was already a must but i think she enjoys your extra softness.. on days where you feel a little more self conscious than normal, regardless of this is about your digital body or this is an au that takes place in the real world, i think she would sheepishly list off the things she loves about you <3

JAX:

borrowing that last idea from pomnis idea, i think he would struggle with trying to make you feel better about yourself. its not that he doesnt care about you or your problems, its just that jax isnt the best at comforting or uplifting people... though you know that early spongebob episode where squidward gets on that dudes ass for yelling at spongebob and making him cry? the pizza episode? honestly i think if theres something like that going on, he tries to solve it the same way squidward did. being blunt and rude with the dickhead, or perhaps targeting them for his pranks and making them nastier than usual... but to be blunt with you and be comforting? thats going to be rare and to be successful is even rarer... i dont think jax would be a big enough asshole to make comments about your weight, regardless of if its your digital body or real one, we dont stand for that here...

[omi-papus]

Im starting to genuenly dislike a certain subset of fanfiction readers because you can tell that they took the attitude of defending the creative and artistic merit of fanfiction, and twisted it into demanding profesional level quality from unpaid, usually young or underage authors and will bitch incesantly about how “non of the fics are good” when most of them are and even the meh to bad ones are a lot of fun. Like I love that we are respecting the incredible craftsmenship of some authors but you have failed as a fanfic reader when you stop viewing it as a comunity of similar people all taking a crack at some concepts and having fun and giving eachother feedback, to “Give me free bestseller novels, and if I see a spelling error you are a failure” in a space that is built to be safe to fail in. Especially when it starts then becoming about “acuracy” to the source material and internal logic of canon. And essentially judging fanfics as if they where oficial material made by profesionals.

Thats one thing I really did like about wattpad sometimes, is that nobody really gave a shit about minor quality checks, like if the only dialogue tag you ever used was “said” didnt matter at all as long as your plot was fun and went in a satisfying direction. (Spanish speaking fandoms had this on mass it was lit)

Like obviously you dont have to read every fic you see, I see emojis in the text and know its most likely not going to be fun and I drop it quite quickly after that. But like bruh Ive powered through that pet peeve because some of those fics turn out to be batshit insane and its the most entretaining thing Ive ever read.

That and 9 times out of 10, the people that have these expectations are readers that have never tried to write anything, and just become entittled because they have never actually participated in the fanfic space. And also a symptom of being in masive fandoms where they have a billion fics and can get supper picky and then decide that those types of fics are the only ones that should exist.

Ive seen, some of you fuckers bitch about second person POV when Y/N has built this nation and you need to respect her.

If I see another video thats like “When you find a completed long fic with the exact pairing, plot and tags you want… but it uses Italics to emphasize words🤮” Girl I will sell you to One direction myself if you dont stop talking shit.

[weirdenbyferret]

Stilt walkers

There are many kinds of stilt walkers, but i will be showing and talking about two kinds in this, european and and primal

Tips and such on the european and primal stilt walkers below 👇!

European and primal stilt walkers may look very different but they are the same type of clown.

When you think of stilt walkers, you usually think of the european stilt walker, but they arent the original. They are actually a mix with jesters that have become their own species of stilt walker. When julius ceaser came back to rome with a giraffe, some stilt walkers tagged along, leading to them eventually becoming european stilt walkers.

The european stilt walkers tend to be very graceful and covered in many delightful colors, but they can also be a bit clumsy and unaware of their surroundings, often becoming busy getting distracted by things that are interesting to them like bugs and flowers.

They will sometimes try to bend down to get to something, but you should try to keep them from doing so, as they will usually lose balance.

Though, fortunately they usually use their tail! All kinds of tilt walkers have prehensile tails, which help them pick things up so they dont have to bend down. Though, ones that are mixed with scare clowns often dont need to be worried about as much, as they often have long arms.

Some worry about the 'hooves' of their stilt walker becoming too long, but you usually dont have to worry, as they have sturdy teeth that they use to trim their hooves, and walking on hard surfaces helps with that as well.

Stilt walkers tend to not need as much sugar as other kinds of clowns, though they absolutely love eating fruit and its recommended to give them fruit more often than candy.

A fun sight you'll see occasionally if you have a stilt walker will be them sitting down, as it can be quite silly to see their hooves poking up into the air or spread across the floor. With some they will do that as often as they can if they see you giggling at how silly they look like that.

Stilt walkers often tend to be like big sweet oversized dogs, and they tend to try and get on your lap, despite the fact that they usually very much do not fit.

Stilt walkers can be very high maintenance, and you should have a home with a very high ceiling so that they can stand, as if they tried to stand in a home with a normal ceiling they would lose their balance and/or bump their head on the ceiling. Unless you get one who trims their hooves shorter than most do, those should usually be fine.

Now, i think I should give some information on Primal stilt walkers specifically.

Stilt walkers originate from africa, and primal stilt walkers are the original stilt walkers!

It is not recommended to try getting one, as places that arent untamed and have civilization can very badly overwhelm them, and they tend to lash out violently.

Some people, such as racists and such, will see them as feral beasts, but really they are just like any other clown.

They tend to be found living among african tribes and have a bit of a role being like a hunting dog for the tribal people, helping them hunt and find food, and in turn the tribal people respect them, most practically seeing them as equals, especially since the primal stilt walkers tend to quickly pick up their language and speak it to converse with them.

though, just like any other clown they adore entertaining humans, and they will often eagerly join tribal dances.

And with some ceremonies and such they will sometimes dye their 'frills(?),' though with some they dye their 'frills(?)' all of the time.

And once again, I'd like to say, that you should not get a primal stilt walker! Not even zoos are aloud to get them, as their mental state starts worsening when contained, especially in an unfamiliar place, and any attempt to domesticate them will not work.

Anyway if you were planning on getting a stilt walker, or if you are now, hope these tips and such helped!

[youngestdaughtersyndrome]

Is there any chance you can give us a tag directory?

I can certainly try!!! Its not a complete directory because i have over a hundred and even i lose track of all of them. Anyways im putting the list under the cut ... i tried to organize it to the best of my ability so GENERAL is for housekeeping, TANGIBLE CONCEPTS are for physical things, FLEXIBLE CONCEPTS are things that hover between physical and conceptual, INTANGIBLE CONCEPTS are things that fully conceptual, and SPECIFIC MEDIA is for specific bands/shows/etc. I highly recommend if youre on mobile you DO NOT hit keep reading because its absurdly long and will take over ur dash. Anyways have fun knock urself out

GENERAL:

hollyws: original posts..... went by holly for a while on here, first url was honeyhollows, hollows has similar spelling to holly, you get the gist

a: a is for assorted, so anything that doesnt have an actual organizational tag goes in there-- memes, textposts, current events, etc

srb: self reblog, but not for every one of my og posts that i rb, just the ones that surpass a thousand notes and therefore get deleted. Its my greatest hits pretty much

for later: links, resources, things i want to return to, you get the gist

tag game: those like questionnaire-type games one gets tagged in

asks: asks that ive answered

vdo: in-app videos

the world flows past on both sides distant and mute: audio tag. From nazim hikmet's poem "things i didnt know i loved"

mb: moodboards

our hands empty except for our hands: webweaving and parallel posting. From ocean vuong's "on earth we're briefly gorgeous"

fave: favorites, obvs

blog thesis: the tag equivalent of me calling something real as hell, containing things that qualify as my belief system

my face: selfie tag, but most (all of them actually) get deleted approx 24 hours from original posting time so there's not really anything in there

maeve tag: pictures of my dog reside here

foster tag: my family fosters dogs sometimes, so if we've got a foster and i post a picture, it goes here

matryoshka dog, blue is your color, gi posting, betsy's ordination song, evan's dream journal: personalized tags for friends of mine

TANGIBLE CONCEPTS:

born to blow your mind or something along those lines: art! From the last shadow puppets' "miracle aligner"-- pretty much everything but photography...

the human eye is the loneliest creation: ...because this is the photography tag. I typically only use it when an image doesnt fit into any other tag, so its basically my "a" tag but for like formal images only. Kind of an ocean vuong quote but i changed it from "the human eye is god's loneliest creation" to that bc i go back and forth on god and whatnot

there's a brand new talk but it's not very clear: fashion, both in the conceptual runway sense and the "this is cute, i would wear this" sense. Aptly from david bowie's "fashion"

play pause rewind: anything having to with film or tv (that i dont have a specific tag for)-- gifsets, interviews, editorial style guides, etc.

people!: pictures where you can put a name to the face, so either celebrities or pictures that have their name in the caption

let it go free: items-- jewelry, knick knacks, tchotchkes, etc. A combination of things i would want and things i find beautiful, which are not necessarily mutually exclusive

cabinet of curiosities: a multitude of objects at once-- dollhouses, boxes full of stuff, dishes of jewelry. Its different from "let it go free" because i said so

interiors: decor, interior design, etc.

dishes: plates and platters and whatnot that i like

they really want you: dolls. From hole's "doll parts"

the light on your door: mirrors. From the velvet underground and nico's "i'll be your mirror"

releases: cars, usually crashed or rotting or in some other form of disuse, but also just normal, completely fine cars. Go watch crash 1996 dir. david cronenberg and then we'll talk

hundred voices: spirals. Also concentric circles.

nacreous: pearls, things with a mother-of-pearl inlay, etc

it's coming coming down: eyes. From sonic youth's "beauty lies in the eye"

bad girl meat: teeth. From lady gaga's "teeth"

divine and sharp: weapons, or at least some very pointy things one shouldnt run with

happiness is: a warm gun. Guns in general actually-- this is my tag for guns. From the beatles' "happiness is a warm gun". Duh

prisms: food. Lots of cake in this tag but its all foods not just cake.... i just like cake

o sailor: sailing, nautical stuff, ships, etc. From fiona apple's eponymous song

it's buzzcut season anyways: cutting hair, from lorde's "buzzcut season".

tattoos: well, its tattoos. Not necessarily ones i would want or even inspiration for future tattoos, its just that if a tattoo is the main focus of an image, it goes in here

invitation to peace: deer tag, from system of a down's "deer dance".

draw blood just to taste it hold bones just to break them: canine tag as in dogs, not the teeth, and also one that i wish wasnt so long because man this is a pain to type out. From nicole dollanganger's "dog teeth"

weird fishes: fish. From radiohead's "weird fishes"

lo voy a tener que matar: cats! From los saicos' "el entierro de los gatos". Also yeah i know it means "i'm going to have to kill him" i just think its real funny

in silence i have pulled myself free: tag for horses and all things horse related. From pj harvey's "horses in my dreams"

cowboys are frequently secretly fond of each other: cowboys. From willie nelson's eponymous song

they don't love you like i love you: places i grew up in/nearby-- it's pretty much everything west of colorado with a bit of mexico in there. From yeah yeah yeahs' "maps"

like the blue blonde hollyhocks of the dead: flower tag (all sorts, not just hollyhocks). Another bastardized quote, this time from sandra cisneros' a house on mango street-- the original is "dusty hollyhocks thick and perfumy blue-blond hair of the dead". Very good book you should read it

we return to each other in waves: things relating to the water-- the ocean, lakes, rivers, etc. It's definitely a quote from something but i cant find the og source and i dont trust pinterest

consumed and refined: fire, things on fire, burning, yada yada yada

tamer: ice, snow, frozen things, etc

01010000: all things mold and rot. Referring, of course, to the date the world began to decay, which was the day it was created

FLEXIBLE CONCEPTS:

lamentations! lamentations!: art or quotes or whatever that make me scream cry throw up wail howl prostrate myself etc.

the everything the patterns: my humanity tag! Doubles as both an "awww, arent humans cute?" tag and a catchall for people who aren't celebrities and don't have their names in the caption

god and other highways: religion and god, but mostly god. If you see something in there and you think "how could this possibly be related to god OR religion?" mind your own damn business <3

i believe in angels: things i consider to be angelic, which is a classification system even more lengthy and unnecessary than this tagging system. From abba's "i have a dream"

bolts in the head: monsters and generally spooky things. And yeah ik frankenstein doesnt actually have bolts in his head and that was a lie the movie made up but also the nature and definition of a monster is just as illusory and invented as the bolts are

whispers in the air: ghosts, or the fleeting nature of things, or the imagined, or the abstraction of the memory. So yeah its ghosts

when i love you it's forever: the dead, but focusing on the flesh left behind instead of the ghost that proceeds ahead. From "confessions of a skull mask", in the anthology "necrophilia variations"

we have put her living in the tomb: houses or general structures, officially haunted or otherwise (because all buildings are haunted in some way tbh). From my favorite edgar allen poe story "the fall of the house of usher" :)

the roots of the tree: things relating to childhood, development, or family

the lovers: art, photos, etc typically with two things interacting in some familiar way. Not necessarily nsfw, but theres definitely some lesbian erotica in there so beware

cut open my sternum and pull my little ribs around you: gore and blood and all that fun stuff. Not all images of blood go in here so if youre sensitive about pictures of blood beware. You probably shouldnt follow me if you are tbh. Anways it's from purity ring's "fineshrine"

is it a love song?: hunger, desire, violence, and the place where they intersect. Gore is in here also <3 and it's a quote from the 1983 film the hunger

race my heart race my soul: images i really really love. I would say its my aesthetic but aesthetics are a lie propagated by Big Capitalism to get you to buy more shit you dont need so no its not and dont get it twisted..... from "i'll never learn" by the shangri-las, which is possibly my favorite song. I go back and forth on what my favorite song is, but this one's up there for sure

put on your red shoes and dance the blues: all things red. From david bowie's "let's dance", but the original or 2002 remaster and not the 2018 remaster because as much as i love saxophone its totally out of the blue in the intro of the 2018 remaster and i dont like it

love me blue: all things blue, from zayn's "blue". And i have no qualms with any version of this song because i love you zayn

twilight sun: all things pink, from something that someone said to me in passing once and i thought it was nice.

the dead image of life: all things green

capable of charming god: all things yellow

tête à tête: ballet, and things relating to ballet. Even pictures of models with their ribbons tied all messed up go in here, im sorry to say

do you think you've made the right decision this time?: departure, transit, etc. Coming from, though, not going to-- the emphasis is on the leaving. From the smiths' "london" (underrated track tbh)

disappearance in transformation: bugs that can fly-- mainly moths and butterflies, but some beetles and other grubs appear here too

kill this chorus: people in relation to water-- in puddles, swimming, drowning, etc. Im not saying what this is from... if you know you know and also you know why that phrase pertains to that imagery

the luckiest by far: celestial bodies, clouds, the sky, etc. From madonna's lucky star

heaven waits on the other side: weddings, mostly brides and wedding dress-type stuff. From nicole dollanganger's "heart shaped bed"

godspeed your love: all things relating to love (and occasionally heartbreak). From possibly the greatest love song ever, the righteous brothers' "unchained melody"

lily left alone: playing cards and things having to do with suites of cards. Kind of from bob dylan's "lily, rosemary, and the jack of hearts" but not really

bloodied black: martyrs, warriors, knights. Lots of pictures of armor and joan of arc imagery here

mourning lamb: farm animals, mainly sheep but also cows and pigs and whatnot. From ethel cain's "ptolemaea"

all down: typography, handwritten things, etc-- everything from journal entries to song lyrics to letters to typed notes

time is a river: myths, folklore, classics, historical art, etc. Technically a quote from heraclitus but every knows it bc of marcus aurelius

INTANGIBLE CONCEPTS:

from the fire roads: get ready for this because this and the following five tags are all connected. This is the tag equivalent of exposition on the hero's journey-- the scene is a small town, a childhood bedroom, a parking lot, etc. From bruce springsteen's "racing in the streets"

and i see big things for you: this is the first threshold (transformation) in the hero's journey. In this particular case, the protagonist becomes a groupie for a band that passed through the town, and this world of travel and casual excess is very different from the world theyre from. The scene is a basement shows, cigarettes in a hotel bed, underfunded recording studios, etc. From wolf alice's "white leather"

somewhere there's a party: the "challenges and temptations" part of the hero's journey-- our protagonist gets tired of the constant moving and, craving something more, ends up in a big city working as a model/socialite. The scene is a closet filled with frills and designer clothes, a gala, the backstage of a fashion show, etc. From the replacements' "swingin' party"

don't cry about it: now at the second threshold (abyss) of the hero's journey, things start going downhill. The protagonist loses themself in a wave of drugs, sex, and excess; the scene is now a large bathroom with a shattered mirror, a smoke-filled bdsm club, a nosebleed, etc. From lana del rey's "this is what makes us girls"

careful fear / dead devotion: with the third threshold (atonement) in the hero's journey comes the protagonist's realization of their own rock bottom and the desire to get better. The scene is a dark bedroom with light coming through the door, a park at night, an open window, etc. From the nationals' "don't swallow the cap"

born with a weak heart: the end of the hero's journey-- the protagonist takes what money they have left and splits, getting a place in the middle of nowhere and working as an attendant somewhere they won't be recognized. The scene is a clearing in the woods, a warm kitchen, a grocery store, etc. From talking heads' "this must be the place"

there was to be no death in eden: Mostly i use it for animals that i dont have a specific tag for, large groups of animals, animals in little people clothes, fantasy art, folk tales, children's books, or anything else i consider to be edenic. Im gonna be honest with you i have a weird idea of eden because i saw it in a dream ... more on that here if u scroll down to where it says september 22 2023. Its an ellen g. white quote im pretty sure, and while i personally hate the seventh-day adventists and everything that entails, i do respect a woman who gets visions

you got your good thing: things pertaining to heaven, which is a vibe i cannot possibly explain bc i saw it in a dream as well but i will link you here nonetheless and just hope you get it. In short basically heaven is an archive and the angels never build it right because they're working off pure image untainted by emotion and human perspective so everything looks a little wonky and clinical (they mean well though). From david lynch's "in heaven (lady in the radiator song", off the eraserhead 1977 soundtrack

pelican island: birds. Also any sort of ghostly island or mysterious shore. Ghosts, too. From deena metzger's eponymous poem

ST PAUL MOMENT ST PAUL MOMENT: the nature version of my humanity tag. Refers to the biblical tale of st. paul, who was blinded then healed by jesus as a way of converting him to christianity (which is fucking crazy and sooo dramatic but we're not here to talk abt that). The point is that its the sensation of being awakened to a natural power higher than yourself, like how flowers always have a number of petals that complies with the fibonacci sequence

thou mayest: being good, being bad, the feeling of being torn between your capacities for good and evil, the shame of feeling evil, etc. Go read john steinbeck's east of eden and then we'll talk

soul opium: solitude, isolation, loneliness

thorn without a rose: hole theory. From aerosmith's "hole in my soul" #sorrywomen

shadows: poems that come off as gray to me. Yeah i dont know either man they just do its a very specific vibe and there is no other way to describe it than gray

ritualism: the color white being used in a holy, ritualistic context (or at least a context i perceive as holy)

74: my yamaha tx750 was created in 1974, which is a year that is important to me for no other reason than that (if u go into the tag its pretty obvious and if its not.... well im not telling)

p: im not sayinggggg. But here you will find white horses and things about grief

are your ears on?: writing, particularly having to do with the idea of a grand overarching narrative that tropes are forcefully enacted within

SPECIFIC MEDIA:

it's impossible to compete with the dead: my tag for all things sharp objects-related. Tag is a quote from the book

spn: that would be the 2005 cw show supernatural. #Sorry

mcr: that would be the post-hardcore band my chemical romance. #Sorryyyyyyy

shattered teacup: tag for the 2013 tv show hannibal and no other version of thomas harris's work-- silence of the lambs and whatnot can be found in the "play pause rewind" tag

little nudie turtles: tag for the 2018-2023 hbo show succession. Quote by tom (it's literally tom).

and the angels wouldn't help you: tag for david lynch's twin peaks, both the show(s) and the film

time is a flat circle: tag for season one of true detective... haven't watched the other seasons of this show because honestly nothing can beat that. So its only for season one

[lover-of-mine]

Hello, I hope im not bothering you, but I can't help and ask. I know you said you had thoughts and to wait the end of the season, but not gonna lie, I feel suckered punched. I tried not to have hope, but still after all the promos ( I know most of them weren't official, but still...) and I wanted to know your opinion/feeling about it all. Im also using this ask to tell you that your posts and tags make me smile a lot, so I also wanted to thank you for that it gave me company in this fandom even thought I dont dare and reach out except now...

Okay, darling, first of all, thank you, I'm happy I can be a positive presence in the fandom for you. Second, I'm gonna be as diplomatic as I can here. One, I think some reactions the fandom has don't need to reach the people they are about, and it is shitty to put an actor in that type of position, even more when not something he said. Second, I think Ryan proved why he was in pr jail, because, well, they are in damage control mode, because considering the way queerbaiting is leading people to believe there will be a romantic relationship when that was never the plan, and like it or not, the things Ryan said paired with the new things that have been said, could be read as queerbaiting. Please notice I said could. We are dealing with an ongoing story, so anything is a possibility. Buddie is in the middle. I think contextually they make sense together, but I also think that they wrote themselves into a corner. I made a whole post about that you can read all my thoughts here, but the short version is that the stakes are too high. They can't not know the potential love story they have on their hands, BUT the potential they have of being one of the best slowburns in television makes it that much harder to actually write that payoff if there wasn't a plan in place and they accidentally did that by playing off of Oliver and Ryan's chemistry. They did establish Buck and Eddie as family, and yes, their bond is stronger than one would expect of two best friends, but while I think it would be unsatisfying, leaning into the family angle without making it romantic will always be a possibility. One of the logistical problems with getting Buck and Eddie together is that, unlike bathena and madney, they work together, so you either need to get one of them out of the 118 or you need to acknowledge their relationship every episode they are both in, and that is complicated in a show with 7 main characters. There's also the issue that the foundation they have laid out for buddie doesn't really allow for them to use the usual tricks to keep slowburns interesting because most shows tend to have issues with slowburns once the tension is resolved, and the build-up with buddie is high. Whether the build-up was intentional or not, you can recontextualize the show to make it seem like this has been building, it's what allowed me to write 4k words on how Eddie has been in love with Buck since 2x04 just by playing with the perspective around them. And you can very easily do the same with Buck. That kind of expectation is not good since it's not the buddie show. The show is not only about Buck and Eddie, but to put buddie in situations as an established couple could make the show about them because, since they are always together, there will be an expectation around showing them being a couple all of the time that they might not know how to work with because there isn't really another television couple that would fit in their category. Even if we compare them to shows like castle, the mentalist, bones, the couple are the main characters, so it's okay if the couple is taking away from the rest of the show, and honestly, all 3 of those shows kinda tanked their own build-up for a while there. And Buck and Eddie literally have a legal document binding them together, for all intents and purposes they have a child together, and they are best friends, so there's this expectation around them if they ever get to be a couple that they will be a good couple. You can't have them fumbling around much in the way other slowburns do because they are solid. So there's also the issue of keeping them interesting because television writers don't like letting couples have peace.

Sure there are issues you can place on buddie to "spice things up" if they think they got boring resolving the tension, like playing with the sexuality angle, or the abandonment issues Buck, Eddie, and even Chris have, but they are not things you can really drag out. They work in the immediate aftermath of them getting together, but then they would have to get creative and they probably don't know how to get there. But why am I talking about the logistics of the couple in the big picture? Well, I think Ryan has been playing Eddie as at least a little bit in love with Buck the whole time he's been playing Eddie, my main argument for that is that he has the same reactions for Buck that he had for Shannon (post on that here), so Ryan could very much just gotten comfortable and said his interpretation of Eddie's feelings for Buck without it being something he was explicitly told. Both Ryan and Oliver said Buck and Eddie are getting closer this season, so "trying to give the people what they want" could very much just be what Ryan himself is trying to do with the text he's being given. It could be that the marketing team didn't think the fans would react to what he said like that and that's why he was allowed to say it. They could be backtracking because Buck and Eddie are getting together and what Ryan said would be a spoiler. Or they could be baiting us to raise the ratings. Every angle here is possible. We only watched one episode of the season so far. We don't know where the story is going yet. It could be going anywhere. It could be going somewhere. Maybe by the end of the season, we will have something explicitly canon on buddie. Maybe they fucked up and the people calling queerbaiting will be somewhat justified because, honestly, I'm getting teen wolf cons flashbacks here. I do think it's fucked up that people are expecting Oliver to deal with something Ryan said. I do think emotions are running high because of many things that happened in the past 2 weeks. I don't think it is fair to scream queerbaiting yet. But I do unfortunately think we might get there if they keep raising the stakes between Buck and Eddie on the show with no payoff while letting Ryan say things like the things he's been saying. For me, the important thing to remember is that the story is in the middle, we don't know where the show is gonna take Buck and Eddie individually and together, so I think everyone needs to take a breath and stop acting like the show already ended and wait to see where it's gonna go.

[canidkid]

urmm i dont know if rqs are open or not, but do you think you could do reagan age regressor headcanons too...? i know its less obvious a headcanon than brett, but if youre willing to id be grateful 🙏

They're open!!

Tbh regressor Reagan makes so much sense I can't believe there isn't more for her >:[[ /lh

...

REGRESSOR REAGAN RIDLEY HEADCANONS!! 🖍️🧪🧃

with some CG Brett!

Pretty easily identifiable age range of 3-7

She never loses that desire to keep making and creating - so she has a lot of toys pertaining to that! Depending on where she's landed in her headspace, she'll tinker with Jr. Robotics kits, Legos, blocks or just simple science experiments.

Seriously can't be left unsupervised for long around anything that could be taken apart. Ballpoint pens, CD players, cardboard boxes. She wants to know how things work and she doesn't care if she'll be upset later because she's covered in lava lamp fluid and glitter!!!

Sensory avoidant. Reagan becomes more sensitive to outside stimuli in headspace, so failsafe plans need to be installed. Noise canceling headphones, sunglasses, change of clothes, etc. Especially certain kinds of physical touch are big no-nos. Unexpected hugs, for example.

Super specific about clothing. Tags out, seams non-offensive, the same thing in several colors, etc.

Regression is a way to get her childhood back! She tries to plan when, how, what she'll be doing and with who. All in an effort to keep the experience as positive as possible. 

Usually this does include Brett! He's a really fun CG - and easily adapts to Reagan's needs. She's able to put a lot of trust in him and knows he'd never abuse this. He's just a big safety blanket, which is exactly what this little kid needs sometimes. 

Museum trips!! So many museum trips!! They take a lot of planning in advance. Snack bag, the correct outfit, and headphones are a must! Public places can easily become too much for her when small - be it through sensory overload or anxiety over being a kid in public. 

When they do get everything just right..Reagan loves interactive exhibits. Pressing buttons, standing on platforms or picking things up to inspect are always a great time! 

Heavily relies on structure. It's not that she'll forget, it's that she wants to know what's next at all times. If there's no daily planner up somewhere, she'll get antsy until there is.

When by herself, Reagan tends to steer away from anything that might delve too much into her actual childhood. She prefers watching newer shows, playing with newer toys - or plain and simple  just turning the whole thing into nap time.

Comfort items!! She has them, she loves them. One of her favorites is a pocket-sized black cat plushie! It goes everywhere with her. Big or small, doesn't matter. The cat is safely tucked away somewhere nearby. 

I see both her and Brett as flips. So,, bunch of fun stuff ensues. They're either small together and engage in absolute chaos, or are able to take care of one another in kiddo mode!!

She's more of a timid type, especially around people she doesn't entirely trust. Largely nonverbal in public - as well as quite often in her circle. Brett is about the only person who knows the full scope of her regression.

I also potentially have more to say here so I'm absolutely open to taking more specific follow-up headcanons or moodboard requests!!!

[kylejsugarman]

any tips for shopping on sites with individual sellers (don’t really know what this specific Type of site is called but like depop etsy ebay etc)? i really love vintage and thrift and i appreciate online resellers for the accessibility, but i’m totally new to this in regards to weeding out scammers, curating my recommendations, etc

hey!! thrifting online is one of my fave things so im very happy to give u some tips :') the Big Five for me is depop, poshmark, mercari (although they've recently raised their fees so be aware of that), etsy, and ebay. i shop the most on depop because i find it to be the most active app and just a really intuitive interface in terms of messaging sellers, curating ur likes, etc. poshmark has a less broad selection of vintage clothing but sellers on there are more likely to make u really good offers on items. etsy is a more curated vintage shopping experience but prices can be artificially inflated on there. ebay can be sort of a wild card, but it should never be counted out, especially as sellers flood the other more "hip" platforms with high prices.

for curating ur recommendations, start out broad and then narrow in from there. literally just typing in "vintage (color) (article of clothing)" can be a great place to start and give u a sense of both what u like and how sellers on the platforms describe and tag their items. the whole "niche aesthetic" movement is annoying, but it can help u find items that really appeal to ur tastes because sellers will label those aesthetics in an attempt to get more eyes on their items. for example, i hate the whole "coquette" thing, but sometimes ill search the term to find pink, princessy type articles of clothing. u can also search by a particular decade or by a fashion icon u want to emulate, especially on depop and etsy. as u start searching and adding items to ur likes, the algorithm gets better at giving u targeted recommendations and u can get more particular and specific with ur search queries or find sellers that u find offer a good vintage selection (for a FAIR price. do not let a seller convince u that a pretty vintage dress with obvious flaws is worth 200 dollars.)

other things: take ur measurements with a tape measure before shopping (bust, waist, hips, height). vintage sizing is weird and so most (educated) vintage sellers will give the measurements of an item of clothing, which can help u decide if it will fit (ex. i, as a rule, dont buy dresses shorter than 33 inches because i have learned that they will be too short on me and thus will be wasting my money). if the listing only has a few pictures of the item, message the seller and ask for more. never feel bad about asking for more photos or details about the item. if the listing includes a flaw (split stitches, stains), ask the seller if they have tried anything to repair the flaw yet (u may not want to take a risk on an article if the seller has already tried and failed to remove the stains) and do not buy if u are not willing to invest in repairing the item: its just not worth it. as for scamming, do not buy anything from a depop seller who has no reviews/ratings yet. theres less of a scamming problem for vintage on the other platforms (poshmark scammers usually target people buying designer or expensive items), but if u are going to buy a more expensive item secondhand, do not buy a listing that only has pictures from the official site or advertisements: get pictures of the person holding it and make them specific. make offers on items, especially if they are overpriced. get details from the seller. always think critically about the price being presented to u and ask urself if u would buy the same item new with defects: vintage does not inherently mean more valuable.

[undead-clown]

INTRO (ig?)

Hai :3

i’m gamzee/cronus/liu and i use any pronouns!! I also use neos: clown/clownself, honk/honkself, and Kidney/Intestine.

I am a minor !!! I am genderfluid. I have two partners who i love dearly!!

Uhh i like tons of things!! I like creepypasta, dead plate, cold front, hollywood undead, supernatural, sleep token, homestuck, and TONS OF OTHER STUFF!! Itd take me years to name everything i like!

Im kinda scatter brained so my posts are frequent and dont make much sense

I am not diagnosed with any mental disorders/illnesses however im on track to get a testing thingy done so i can get therapy :3 (maybay)

I type funny sometimez, i use a typing quirk but not all the time @w@

If you want to know more about me you can use my asks :3

I want to interact with people more, idk really how to talk to people so apologies if i answer an ask and it doesnt make sense or i sound like an idiot.

I tend to make kandi and diy stuff!! Currently still in the middle of making star cuffs and studding/spiking my vest! And currently sewing up a friends pants and a computer bag!

I often talk about creepypasta as thats my biggest intrest rn, so im sorry if i basically spam that tag all the time 😭

Uhm, i hope this is helpful, idk what people usually put in these, i tried lol >•<

I have a tag for me talkin now!!

Cronus talks: is for me just talkin and shit postin and such

Cronus Draws: is for my drawings!!

Cronus cooks: me cooking or making dishes!

Cronus bakes: all things pastry!

[bigcutebutt]

oh yes, i wanted to talk about this. omegle shut down last year. i only found out in the last week or so

i'm going to be weirdly honest about something i would have otherwise kept to myself forever, but i spent far too much time there, for many, many years of my life. only in text chat, i dont know who in their right mind would want to do the video chat lol. mostly, it was a fruitless and self-destructive behavior that left me feeling not good, but i can't help feeling sad it's just outright gone now, since it was always there for me on and off over so long

as you can probably guess, i used it to talk about what i like to call "weird things" and what now most people call "kinks" - but it's always more complicated than that for me. generally i would roleplay as some exaggerated ideal self - deliberately too exaggerated to be believable, of course (i wasn't trying to deceive). i didn't like to "roleplay" as if i was actually physically interacting with people, i just liked to roleplay that i was someone else, an ideal me, typing on a computer on omegle.com

what made it so special to me was that it was completely ephemeral. usually i'm someone who likes to hoard data, but the way omegle worked was absolutely ideal for exploring myself. every conversation was fresh, and i could try new approaches to "being myself" that had generally zero consequences (with the caveat that of course i never tried to upset or hurt anyone!). nobody had a pre-existing idea of who i was. there was no false image i could possibly build around myself. i could try out human interaction in a distinctly private way. (when people wished to keep in touch outside of omegle, i almost invariably failed completely at keeping anything going)

the relation this has to gender is blindingly obvious, of course. just like literally everything i post about

(though the recurring faces who would show up in the same tags over years and years were an exception to this, but interesting to think about. a weird sense of texture, other lonely people repeating the same fantasies over years of their lives just as i was, for better or worse. fuck you, michael) (sorry to any michaels reading this)

it is probably a good thing that the temptation to go on omegle can never recur for me, given how many nights i ended up disgusted with myself. but again, something is lost forever. a kind of opportunity for self-exploration is lost - one uniquely suited to my own neuroses about being observed. not to mention the general trend of the internet of my youth vanishing piece by piece

as i often complain about, im not sure how to explore myself now when im on my own. its harder for me than it is for others. i dont masturbate, so i cant do what literally everyone else ive met does. i guess i'm just saying that publicly now. i might be too old to even need to explore myself now (but a philosophy of "its never too late" is certainly admirable). but damn it, sometimes i'm just in a mood!

i can only hope that i keep evolving and changing, indefinitely. and hopefully in a way that involves becoming even weirder

theres so much more to say about omegle culture - there were truly so many little quirks that will remain with me forever, especially in the weirder tags. it's an embarrassing part of my life, but also, i think, an important and telling one. sometimes i wanted desperately to have close friends who would keep me from going on it, as if helping me with an addiction - but i never quite achieved that with anyone. but it's still sad. it's an ending. and like most endings on the internet for me, nothing takes its place. i refuse to adapt to the new internet, the web of smartphone apps. its just another part of me that is now vanished. sealed. retired