#i told you i'm a rambler...

[once-in-a-blood-moon]

Droppping by your askbox to say thank you again and to ramble for a bit..

I finished painting my nails this afternoon and they turned out well (yay!!) I actively use only three colors: blue, violet, and black. I used the blue one since that's what i had planned to use for my next nail painting session, but i think i also needed that to boost my intuition 😆 Now, i was wondering what does violet and black nail polish manifest? 👀

Side ramble: I started my nail painting hobby after i bought the violet nail polish because it reminded me of barbatos. Im still using that same bottle up to this day. Also my mom accidentally bought the same bottle so i guess i dont have to run to the store to replace the old one anytime soon 😆

Hi, Ven!! You're more than welcome! I know I didn't have to, but I wanted to, so I did. 😌

Yay!! That sounds super fun! I haven't painted my nails in what feels like ages. I think the last time I had them done was two years ago when I got acrylic nails in this really pretty purple shade. It was the only time I've ever gotten acrylic nails, but I hope to do it again sometime!

Ooh, and I love those colors! Those are some of my favorite colors, blue, purple, and black. But I love that Barbie got you into picking up a new hobby! That's cute, I bet he'd be honored! Sometimes I wish that I was better at painting my nails, but my hands are so unsteady so they end up looking like a three-year old did them. 😣 (Feel free to come and ramble anytime, btw!)

Hehe, you want to know the ways of witchcraft, do you? Just kidding! These things are for everyone and I'm glad this interests you a bit. So, I'll delve more into the color blue.

Blue can be used to help when you're in a bit of a mental slump (obviously magic is not an end all, cure all, but thought I'd say this just in case). It can cool you off, keep you level headed, and open your mind to new ideas. It essentially expands intuition and encourages inspiration. So, if you were to manifest something with the color blue, you could paint your nails with the intention to unblock your mind if it's been feeling hazy, ease your mind if something is troubling you (like an event coming up), or to remind yourself to slow down and keep your mind open to what's around you as inspiration may strike at anytime.

Purple is associated with spirituality, (blue can be too). But it also has to do with power, the power you hold within as well as what is without. It's also associated with ambition. So, manifestations with this color could be climbing up the career ladder but only doing so with the skills you have rather than by luck (you could use green, orange, or even gold if you just wanted quick luck and growth), wanting to better hone your capabilities and get to know them (and yourself) better, or to feel closer to your spirituality if you've been feeling lost or out of touch with it.

Black (I'd use black but that might be like using a white crayon on a white piece of paper) represents banishing or letting something go. It's good for meditation (as is blue) and can allude to the un/subconscious. (It's also good for protection!) Manifestations with this color could be letting something go (emotionally, mentally, physically, whatever you want), revealing something that you'd like to know or have been in the dark about, or to just feel more grounded or safe.

I gave a few examples hoping they could be flexible so you may use them to your liking. There's many more ways to incorporate color magic into everyday life to get the outcome you desire, so just play around with it and see what happens! What you'd be doing is harmless, so the worst that could happen is your manifestations wouldn't come in. Just make sure you keep your intention in mind, big rule of thumb.

Also, unrelated, did you know that eating strawberries can be a witchy/spiritual practice too? With intention, and due to the fact that strawberries are a natural aphrodisiac, eating them can promote self-love! (Or any kind of love really) It's a quick way to feel good about yourself, which I think is sweet.

Anyways, hope this wasn't a mess to read! 😊

[applejarjar]

I don't wanna go to work!

Doo da la doo doo!

Don't make me!!!

[catboybiologist]

Hi! I'm Sierra. Time for a pinned post refresh.

Otherwise known as CatboyBiologist, or @hi-sierra (my SFW blog [this one is SFW too, but less so]). This page is remaining active, but if you want to find me somewhere else, I use the same username on reddit, Instagram, co-host, and tech.lgbt. This is me:

Trans woman, PhD student in molecular biology, boymoder, shitposter, freediver, hot girl on your phone, hiker, rambler (this post included), tgirl tummy tuesday supplier and enjoyer, former femboy, bane of bioessentialist fuckwads who try to use biology to validate biogotry, flaming bisexual, 196 nanocelebrity… whatever was the first thing that brought you to my blog, I hope it’s enough to get you to stay! I post selfies, hornyposts (minors and people who are averse to that be warned), stuff about the ocean, posts about my growing sense of wanderlust, my adorable lil tortoise, tutorials for transfemmes and GNC people, rambles about science, documentation of my own transition, rambles about transness, rambles about the eroticism of programming a machine to feel arousal, rambles about nature, and random shitposts. Please send me pictures of cute animals in your life!

If you wanna support my science career and my transition, consider dropping a tip here! PhD salaries are notorious for being negotiated to be exactly the cost of living…. And then forgotten about for years as inflation drops that below minimum wage. So I’m always a little strapped for cash. Anything helps!

Links to some of my tutorials and relevant resources under the cut:

I'm tracking my transition, and some people have said they found this helpful! This spreadsheet is generally updated monthly:

Usually, I write a little journal to go with it when it updates- you can find that under the #trans journal on my blog.

If you're interested in checking out some of the things I'm trying to write, here's a post with links to individual stories I'm making:

https://www.tumblr.com/catboybiologist/741010247774306304/writing-consolidation-post?source=share

My femboy guide, written well before I started HRT, but still has relevant info:

A "boyboob" tutorial, aka how to make it look like you have cleavage in an outfit that looks better with it:

A quick and dirty guide to taking better selfies, with a specific emphasis on people who may have stopped hating their body recently due to transition:

And here's a few of my personal favorite little rambles and posts about my transness, in no particular order:

CW for transphobia on this one:

A massive shoutout to @foldingfittedsheets for this amazing art of the lil borgir holding a trans flag:

I adore this so much <3 if you want to support their art, her commissions are open and really sweet!!!!

And of course, a massive shoutout to @whalesharkcat for this lovely pixel art of my tortoise:

I still love this so much, and will continue to into the future <3

For preHRT selfies, search the femboy tag. For post HRT selfies, use the "trans selfie" tag. I've been on HRT since August of 2023, so I'm still very early in the process! Day to day, I present male, but I plan to change that around the 1 year mark.

I guess that's about it! One final note is that I've been alluding to video/podcast style things for a while now. With my aderrall prescription, I've actually put in a lot of research work that might lead to 1-4 of those, so that might actually happen in the near future! No promises of course, life always catches up to you.

And if you liked my previous pinned post better, here it is:

Anyways, if you read this far, thanks for sticking around and bbyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[copperbadge]

Happy Shivadh Reclamation Day!

Today is Reclamation Day, the Shivadh independence day, where the people of Askazer-Shivadlakia theoretically expelled the English imperialist conquerors and in reality just told the Welsh soldiers, "You can stay if you fuckin' behave yourselves," and the Welsh soldiers replied, "the weather's a lot nicer here, thanks."

I had hoped to have something a bit longer to share but this is the story that I managed to finish so this is the one I'm posting. :D

Title: Second Homes

Rating: Gen

Warnings: Brief discussion of infant endangerment and infant mortality (no babies are harmed or die, but there is fear one will).

Summary: Ephraim's older brother Eddie maybe saved his life when he was born, and twenty years later found him a second home. It might take some work to figure out, but neither Ramblers nor Royals are afraid of a little work.

Read Second Homes at AO3 Here

[esmedelacroix]

15 days til' Christmas

planning to surprise husband!miguel o'hara with the best gift ever⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆

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If there was one thing about Miguel that confused you it was what gift to get him for Christmas. You were always buying things that made you think of him or clothes that he would look handsome in(he looks good in literally everything).

But you couldn't help but feel like it wasn't enough. You couldn't help but feel like you needed more. You wanted to give him a gift that was tear-wrenching.

You thought that you would never get the opportunity to give Miguel the gift you thought he deserved. Until that opportunity presented itself in a certain two-lined symbol on a white stick you had peed on.

Right then you knew exactly what his gift would be this year. The only issue was that you had to keep this secret until Christmas which was in a whole week. But, you couldn't keep anything from Miguel for the life of you. What was worse is that he was incredibly perceptive and always knew when something was different.

You were already two months along and you never realized that you were extremely behind on your period until your period tracking app pointed out that you stopped getting your period after you logged unprotected sex during your fertile window.

You and Miguel were dating for three years before you got married and your second marriage anniversary was coming up. You weren't really trying for kids but the two of you didn't mind if you were to have one. You talked about it and you both felt ready so you started being more carefree about protection every now and then.

Miguel was used to taking three days off of work once a month to help you through your abnormally painful period cramps. He was so busy that hadn't realized you hadn't gotten your period.

You quickly got a long box and placed the pregnancy test in it before wrapping it up and putting it under the tree. There were already tons of gifts under the tree so it didn't seem weird at all.

You cleaned up your mess and right when you checked your watch you realized that it was seven o'clock. Miguel should be arriving any minute by now-

"Honey! I'm home!" you heard Miguel call out from the mud room. You could hear the noises of some bags indicative that he went grocery shopping like you had asked.

You rushed to the entrance and gave Miguel a big hug. You'd been missing him all day and it was taking every fiber in your body to not just tell him the great news right then and there.

"Woah amor, did you miss me that much?" he chuckled as he walked down the hall with you clinging to him.

You sat on the counter taking groceries out of bags as he put them away listening to him rant about how things were going at work. Most people wouldn't be very fond of listening to someone ramble about work for 30 minutes straight but Miguel wasn't a rambler he was a storyteller.

If he was going to tell you about his day, trust he would talk about it in a way that made it intriguing. He often made you laugh when he told you about some of the harmless silly rumors floating around at the office.

One thing that his fellow spiders other than Peter B would never know was that he enjoyed observing and gossiping about who was dating and who wasn't at Spider Society knowing that it was absolutely not his business.

The two of you thought yourselves to be cupids and would talk about what couple desperately needed to break up or who should be dating whom.

"Cariño I have a question..." Miguel started interrupting you laughing at his joke about who he thought Hobie should date.

"Yeah? What is it?" you asked in a more serious tone.

"Why haven't you gotten your period yet?" he asked.

Shit. Shit shit shit shit. You cursed to yourself trying to think of an answer.

"Well my period tracking app told me that it's because of my increased amount of weight training recently, it happened to me when I was 14 as well I lost my period for like half a year then," you explained.

"Huh, you never told me you've been going to the gym, you usually just run in the mornings," he said, accepting your answer. It almost hurt lying to him about this because he had so much trust in you that he believed everything you said.

"My practice closes at five now, remember? So I have a lot more time," you said.

"Oh I see," he said as he took out ingredients to make dinner.

He didn't really talk about it for the rest of the night and everything went smoothly but as you lay in bed that night in his arms you couldn't help but worry. What if you're not able to keep this up and the gift is ruined? All should be fine though besides you only have to keep from him for the next 7 days.

. . .

next part → 7 days til' Christmas

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taglist: @aripet22@to-the-endoftheline

[fuck-you-upmusicbracket]

Dueteronomy 2:10 (The Mountain Goats)

In Costa Rica, in a burrow underground/Climb to the surface, blink my eyes and look around/I'm all alone here as I try my tiny song/Claim my place beneath the sky, but I won't be here for long

"It’s a simple, short, devastating song from the perspective of three now-extinct animals, each of whom are the last of their species and completely alone. As John Darnielle put it in 2015, “This is kind of a song about hopelessness, and, uh, and the long, steady contemplation thereof.”

Laid in Blood (The Mechanisms)

Her body lies in her wife's caress, her face is free of her life's distress/Wearing the rags of her wedding dress/Laid in blood when the battle has done...Their bodies are still and their blood is cold, the book is closed and the story told/No happy ever after for a tale so old/Laid in blood when the battle has done

"It's the last song on the album, wrapping up everything that happened. Except, everything that happened is tragic, because this is a tragedy, and Rose was attacked at her wedding and almost everyone there died, and then they cloned Rose (minus her memories) thousands of times to create an army. Cinders, her wife, and Snow, her sister, spent decades searching for her, but the moment Rose woke up and saw Snow, Snow was shot dead, and then Rose hugged Cinders and was immediately shot in the back. And then the closing lines, "no happy ever after for a tale so old" because they're right, it's been told time and time again and eventually the story has to end, doesn't it? Nothing can be happily ever after forever and eternity."

Poll runner: This was one of the first songs I listened to for this tournement... and yes, those mechanisms do be fucking you up. Especially if you like songs with stories in them. I've listened to it for fun since, many times.

Dueteronomy submitted by @all-our-exploring

Laid in Blood submitted by @ceaseless-rambler

[montanamp3]

in the spirit of the genre i'd like to hijack the current asian country music train to talk about one of my favourite historical guys shoji tabuchi: fiddler hall of famer! king of kitsch americana slay!! one of the Most Guys Ever in country music!!!!!

[OKAY this spiralled into a Whole Thing so im putting it under the cut to save your dashes. be warned this is long]

quick backstory: shoji tabuchi was born in osaka, japan. he was classically trained on the violin but discovered country through roy acuff and joined a fairly popular japanese band called the bluegrass ramblers. in 1967 he moved to america with (he claimed later) his guitar and five hundred dollars and played in a couple of bands around california and texas. in the 80s, he got a contract in branson missouri, met his wife there, and they started a show called (very creatively) the shoji tabuchi show.

this is where it gets fun, because the shoji tabuchi show is. okay. it's like if you concentrated the distilled essence of 1990s RAGHHH AMERICA HELL YEAH-style patriotism into a three hour-long extravaganza with backup dancers! fog machines! ten thousand glitter suits! SHOJI spelled out all caps with lasers! a glow in the dark space violin from NASA! like it's TACKY! it's CHEESY! it's CAMP! it's genuinely hilarious!

anyway, when people talk about tabuchi they like to say that he was the "american dream" like he had a family, he owned a whole incredible theatre with (no joke) the gaudiest bathrooms in america, he played two shows a day until he died, he performed to the pm of japan… like he was GETTING THAT BREAD!! the city of branson even gave him a public holiday!

and to be clear. i love tabuchi, i think he was a great entertainer and a great performer, and i don't begrudge him any of his success. but there are better fiddlers out there, better performers, better singers. as a guy on reddit put it in 2013 put it, you kind of have to recognise that at least some part of his success is enabled by "Asian Can Into Country Music???" syndrome. and he has kind of acknowledged this himself-- he used to sell himself as the "japanese cowboy" before he started his show, and he once told a magazine "say person A and person B play [the fiddle] just as good. who stands out, me or him?" which is. #girlboss? maybe? one of his more defining traits throughout his career was his fairly pronounced japanese accent which made it difficult for him to gain footing in the music industry at first but became iconic . some people have said that he didn't actually have that strong of an accent and he was playing it up for the Bit-- a hypothesis that is (somewhat) supported by his album named (i kid you not) ROVE RETTERS.

so how much of the shoji tabuchi show was the Bit and how much of it was genuine? and if it is a bit, who's in on it? who's being made fun of- tabuchi? japan? the audience? america? i have to admit i'm pretty biased here because the essential Incongruence of being an asian-can-into-country-music person IS funny! rawhide kobayashi and all that! and i understand why he might have leant into it and played it up to survive/get famous/get that bread. i never knew tabuchi, so i can't say that like it's fact, but wouldn't that be the most american thing of all?

[sidekick-hero]

On April 2nd, freshly delivered to AO3: Emotional Motion Sickness, my contribution to the @strangerthingsreversebigbang inspired by art from the amazing @arimakes

Have a lil snippet as a treat 💜

When he looks at Eddie again, he sees that the other man is already looking back at him. A warm smile is on his face, which Steve returns without thinking. It grows even wider when Eddie takes his hand in his own and caresses his knuckles.

"So, I just had at least twenty different conversations with you in my head and none of my opening lines were any good. You were great, don't worry, you said all the right things." Steve laughs at the sheer ridiculousness of it all. He didn't pick Eddie to be a Casanova, but definitely a charmer. And while Eddie is charming, he's apparently also a total dork.

In other words, he is exactly Steve's type.

"I hope you'll forgive me if I mess up this one too, I'm trying a new approach," Eddie announces, clearing his throat. "Steve, would you allow me the honor of showing you that kink can be different than what you just described?"

When Steve says nothing for too long, Eddie adds hastily, "Not that you were wrong, not at all. Everything you described is kink, and I'm pretty sure you'd find people here for all those things. I'm just saying I could show you a different part of it, one you might like. Or not, which would be totally fine. We can stop at any time and you can say no to anything, consent is the most important thing.” Without really waiting for an answer, Eddie barrels on. "God, I'm really screwing this up, aren't I? Twenty-one tries and I'm still fumbling it, no wonder I was always picked last in gym class.“

Steve, who, thanks to his friendship with Robin, can spot a nervous rambler from a mile away, flips their hands, laces his fingers with Eddie's and squeezes his hand. "Deep breaths, Eddie. You're fine, I promise. It's actually a sweet offer, and I hope the "me" in your head told you that, too.”

Staring at their joined hands with a smile, Eddie ducks his head and looks back at Steve with a painfully sincere, hopeful expression on his face. God, he's so screwed, Steve thinks, an all too familiar feeling tugging at his heart. No, no, no, way too soon, abort, he scolds his heart, but he knows it's not listening. It never does.

"So? What do you think? Or if you need more time to think, that's totally cool, too." Eddie tells him earnestly and Steve believes him. He can tell how much Eddie wants him to say yes, but he's willing to wait for Steve, no matter how long it takes. Steve has no idea how he can know that, since he doesn't know much more about the man than his name, but he does. It's in the way Eddie keeps smiling at him, his thumb running absentmindedly over the back of Steve's hand, his body language open and soft.

As he keeps looking at the man in front of him, Steve marvels at how different it feels to be wanted by Eddie. The guys he had been with before had been easy, a sure thing, their hunger for Steve palpable but shallow. Easily satiated and discarded. With Eddie, it's deeper, more substantial. He makes Steve feel wanted in a different way, not as a means to an end. Rather, it feels like at this moment, there is nothing in this world for Eddie but Steve and the prospect of taking Steve home and exploring something new with him. It's heady and warm and Steve wants to say yes.

Steve had wanted to say yes to Eddie the moment he first laid eyes on him, if he's being honest.

So he does. He tells Eddie he'd love to and bathes in the sheer glow of Eddie's answering smile.

Just like when he entered the Hideout tonight, he has no idea what he's getting into, but at least this time he's not alone.

A special shout out to my cheerleaders @firefly-party and @thefreakandthehair as well as @starrystevie and of course for the most amazing beta @acasualcrossfade who picked this one apart and helped me put it back together even better. Love you guys! 💜🥰

[itsaspectrumcomic]

On anon bc identifiable info - advice/thoughts? - This is really long, I'm sorry D: I'm a rambler and all the info is important (to me)

I've always had problems with stuff (according to my mom, "things have always been harder for [me] than everyone else") like I'm always the last one out the door, I lose things a lot (like hats and pencils and water bottles) because I set them down and don't realize, I have a lot of trouble doing textbook homework/notes bc I have trouble focusing

And I have a lot of trouble with social stuff, I never have a lot of friends, I can't keep friends for more than like four years, I feel really disconnected with people and people generally initially like me but like me significantly less after interacting with me a bit

I read a lot, and when I was a kid I would lose all sense of reality outside the book until someone touched me or I finished the book, but I've had a harder and harder time reading anything but fanfic as I've gotten older, and I have a lot of trouble reading very technical/instructions/nonfiction stuff

I have pretty bad insomnia, and spent ~2 years when I was 10-13 ish sleeping ~3-4 hrs/night weekdays and ~12 hrs/night weekends, I have a really hard time getting to sleep specifically - and (tmi maybe tw eating) I've had chronic minor eating issues and constipation (chronic minor dehydration, losing ~ 10 lbs over summers from not eating, etc. like I'm not dying or anything but this will probably eventually cause wear damage)

---

But I'm also a very good student, very smart, generally very good at what I choose to do, I just became a National Merit semifinalist, like, I'm doing "fine". I'm not dying, I'm not failing classes or anything, I've struggled since second semester year before last with getting things done, but I have like a 3.7 gpa rn (I could have a 4 if I tried harder (while I am capable of trying harder, it would destroy me))

I was in Gifted + Talented in elementary school, I'm an honors/ap student (my G+T teacher told my mom that the "gifted" basically means "neurodivergent")

---

I didn't get help for anything until last year, when I kinda fell off (as much as you can fall off while getting a 3.7 gpa ig) and got assessed for insomnia, which I got help with pretty easily (apart for waiting times) which was amazing. Almost went too well iykwim

And I was looking into why I was having such a hard time with everything (social, focus, sleep, schoolwork,etc) and I resonated a lot with autism and some of the feeling very disconnected from society/ other people but I was like eeeh, I'm a teen and idk I'm not, like, having it that bad, so I was looking into more quantitative solid stuff and I took the AQ + CAT-Q + stuff which still have very subjective questions but I tried to be honest and I got 32 (AQ) and 139 (CAT-Q) and 157 (RAADS-R) but like idk I could be biased or misunderstanding or idk

I mentioned feeling like I had more, underlying issues to the doctor I'm seeing for the insomnia and she was basically like "I work with autistic kids - you're not autistic" which like on one hand, you're the expert and I've only really interacted with the internet so idk but on the other, you've spent all of two hours with me, mostly asking me direct questions about my sleep or talking to my mother, like, ofc you haven't seen anything of me. Did I make too much fake eye contact with you?? (BTW if you dislike eye contact for any reason, which I always have, look at noses (my mother taught me this one) or hair (my personal fav) bc it looks like you're looking at the face, but you aren't!!)

this is getting very long winded, I'm sorry if you choose to read all this but thank you it means a lot to me to get someone who knows something's thoughts on this

So I was like "I am having other problems" and she was like "I suspect you may have inattentive type adhd" and I was initially like what?? but I'm not hyperactive. Can't have adhd. What. But I've been kinda thinking about it and lurking at the edge of adhd communities and googling stuff (google is not helpful) and maybe? idk

SO to get to my point/question

I'm very smart. (not tryna be conceited it's just I am) I'm not currently *dying* struggling, though I am having trouble staying on top of classwork

I'm a girl

I live in the USA

I'm pretty good at acting normal, I have a couple friends (one has diagnosed adhd, one has diagnosed autism, one I'm not sure, one I think? could be neurotypical? but she's also like really not idk) (I (only?) have four friends (which is a lot, for me))

I don't know if I'm "adhd enough" (or "autistic enough" if I was right initially) ((or both idk)) to get a diagnosis. I have hypermobility that causes issues with my joints and has led to me not exercising enough and having to quit violin but I'm not hypermobile "enough" to get a diagnosis or help for it (which sucks because it's literally affecting my quality of life, like, I could be an amazing musician if I didn't have this. D: )

If I try, will I get a diagnosis, or will I be "adhd, but not enough"? Should I continue to spend (my parent's insurance) money on this if it probably won't go anywhere? I'm currently 17, starting my senior year of high school. Will things get disrupted in transition to college? If I go abroad for college?

Also, will I crash and burn in college without my mother's considerable support? (tw eating again) I have always had a really hard time getting and preparing and eating food, and without her/structure idk how much I will eat. I loose weight over the summer bc we don't eat as a family much. when I'm on my own, will I struggle even more? Especially trying to juggle food and school and living independently? What about after college? My uncle was fine until he graduated college and now he's alone and a misogynist and mormon and lives with my grandma and seems kinda really miserable except way more hate-filled - am I doomed to the same path?

anyways this is really dark I'm sorry

specific questions for you are:

should I pursue ADHD diagnosis? Autism?

is there anything specific I should mention/not mention/think about?

is there anything you think I (+ people in similar situations) should research, any specific sites/books/communities you think would be valuable?

would therapy help with anything? social, focus, etc. (I have not had a chance, and I have been noncommittal at mentions bc. i strongly dislike people, and talking to people, and emotions ): )

are things in general going to get better, or worse? please be honest, not reassuring

If you decide to answer this, partially or completely, thank you, it means a lot to me to get someone else's thoughts on this, if not, I completely understand, either way, I hope you have a good day :)

Hello! A lot of what you wrote feels very familiar to my own experience - I was also considered a good student but found things increasingly difficult to cope with, struggled socially, lost and forgot stuff, couldn't focus etc. You're definitely not alone in feeling this way!

You are not doomed and you are not your uncle. Things can always get better, even when you're at your lowest. You never know what will happen next - you could make a friend, you could discover a new passion, you could be offered a cool opportunity, you could get the chance to pet a really friendly dog. Life isn't a straight line - you might be struggling for a bit, and then some nice stuff will happen, and then you might go through a rough patch again, but then things will improve again and you might feel better than you did before.

For eating when you go to college - identify the foods you generally find easy to make and eat and make sure you have a supply avaliable for when you're struggling. For me, that's pasta (you can get dry pasta which lasts ages in the cupboard, but you could also try fresh ravioli which has stuff inside like spinach or tomato or cheese so it's a bit more varied), crackers, bananas, and breakfast bars. That way if you can't make a proper meal, you at least eat something. Also try to carry a water bottle with you everywhere (if you struggle to drink water you could try flavoured water or juice.) If you forget about needing to eat you could set alarms to remind yourself.

Side note: did you know that hypermobility and autism very often occur together?

Onto your questions:

should I pursue ADHD diagnosis? Autism?

It's definitely worth looking into - I can't guarantee you'll get a diagnosis because it really depends on the person/people assessing you and some are more biased than others (if you're able to choose, look for people who say they specialise in diagnosing women and girls or have positive reviews from people in that demographic). Personally I found it helped a lot with getting accommodations, people understanding me, and understanding myself (even before the diagnosis was official). I will say it's usually quite a long process so be prepared for that.

Btw, you can definitely have ADHD without being hyperactive - that's the inattentive type which is more about trouble focusing.

is there anything specific I should mention/not mention/think about?

Honestly a lot of what you've written will probably come up in an assessment! I had to fill out a form with info about my experiences as a child and the traits I have now, as did my mum. If you're high masking (basically when you try to act 'normal' and hide your neurodivergent traits) do your best not to mask so the assessor gets to see you as you really are.

is there anything you think I (+ people in similar situations) should research, any specific sites/books/communities you think would be valuable?

Untypical by Pete Wharmby is an excellent book if you want to learn more about autistic experiences. The author is autistic himself and has an engaging writing style.

How to ADHD is a YouTube channel that focuses on coping techiques for ADHD and is informative as well.

I've found the autism communities on Reddit to be welcoming and supportive - you might like r/AutismInWomen which is inclusive and accepting of self diagnosis and those who are questioning.

You could also follow some of these people on instagram:

morgaanfoley - posts about her experiences as an autistic person

_ellawillis - posts about autism and ADHD and their daily life

candy.courn - posts about autism and disability as well as how that intersects with their experience as an asian person. Also has the most beautifully pink house

colourblind_zebra - makes cute and colourful art about chronic illness and neurodiversity

elliemidds - posts about autism and adhd and runs a community called We are Unmasked (weareumasked on insta)

itsemilykaty - posts about autism, mental health, and her book Girl Unmasked (which I haven't read yet but is supposed to be very good!)

Side note: I also have an instagram if you'd like to follow :) I'm itsaspectrumcomic there as well!

would therapy help with anything? social, focus, etc. (I have not had a chance, and I have been noncommittal at mentions bc. i strongly dislike people, and talking to people, and emotions ): )

Therapy can help a lot - with the right therapist! Look for people who specialise in neurodivergence, particularly in girls. The best ones are on the spectrum themselves :) It's OK if you don't click with the first one you try. You can 'shop around' until you find someone you're comfortable with (which I know can be exhausting but it's worth it when you find the right one).

are things in general going to get better, or worse? please be honest, not reassuring

Like I said before, things will get better, and then you might struggle for a while, and then things get better again. It comes in waves, at least for me. I know when you're having a hard time it can feel like it's going to last forever, but I promise it won't. There are always bright spots.

[nerdieforpedro]

Weekend Update 02/25/2024

Nerdie! You saw it right! He won! *hugs tightly*

Yes he did! 🥰 We're all so happy for him! Finally!

We're also buzzing about how he looks like he's on the cover of a romance novel. Maybe on a ranch, maybe in the 1800's. It's a pretty versatile look. He likes his deep V's....

As we all should. Also, I'm taking notes on that. *scribbles*

Anything new besides, well clearly pirate adventures?

Pirates have scurvy and Pedro is well nourished so none of that. Other ideas for his characters. Ezra and Pero might have scurvy though. I did manage to write some this week. It's been busy. 👀 Ugh...real life stuff. Nothing major. Just needs to be done.

Nerdie's fics:

Guiding Light (Ezra one shot - I was chatting with @lady-bess and had the idea for this. I always have Ezra in some crime. 😎)

Lunch is happening right? (Part two of my summer romance Javi G fic. Not sure how many parts.)

He told me his name (Din Djarin x plus size female reader) I wrote it after reading a new Din fic by @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin (will be listed below. I'd still call it moody because despite writing, I still have trouble with my vocabulary. 🤣 It is pretty though. I'm working on a follow-up since people asked 👀)

Can't win carino (Javi G one shot - for @i-own-loki because she gave me the idea and the moodboard so I ran with it.)

The Man Next Door (Jake Lockley one shot for @megamindsecretlair because she kinda asked, more like I asked her what she wanted in it. She asked for action and smut. I might try more action in fics later.)

Get a room you two and BONE (Part two of my Tim Rockford comedy series which now has romance? I binged too much B99, watched a bit of Castle and a few episodes of Kojak with my mom. The insanity will only increase with part three but maybe there might be some growth between Tim and Doc? Or a hippo.)

Nerdie I thought you said you were busy....that's six fics...

I was and some of them I had been working on for a while. I also had some insomnia (that lead to parts two and three of the Tim Rockford fic). Anyway, on to the main event! 😘

Nerdie's fic recommendations! or things I read this week. 😄

14 x kisses by @trulybetty (Jack Daniels x reader) Part of her 29 days of valentines for February.

Sorgan Girls Are Easy - Solo Din Djarin by @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin (the fic that inspired my Din - her Din has 100% more smut)

Half of you - chapter 3 by @foxilayde (Santiago Garcia x fem. reader) Slow burn series - love it and trying to read it slowly to savor it.

Falling for you by @toomanystoriessolittletime (Javi Pena x fem reader) A bittersweet read that had me wonder what was next but I was hopeful.

Sunday Naps by @javierpena-inatacvest (Frankie Morales x fem reader) More proof that cuddling with Frankie leads to wonderful things.

Poe Dameron falling in love with his shy best friend (GN reader) by @i-belong-to-the-stars What one hopes for if you're shy and you're in love with those curls...er Poe. 🫣

Mystery Strain by @rebel-held (Dieter Bravo x GN reader) All kinks are valid and who doesn't love Dieter with a belly? 😘

Bulletproof by @laurfilijames (Jax Teller x fem reader) She wrote poetic porn with feelings. I was overcome, titllated and confused.

A girl walks into a bookshop by @oonajaeadira (Ezra x fem reader) Soft Ezra with a bookshop, yes please! 😄

Beneath the mask by @saradika (Din Djarin x fem reader) A medieval knight Din...so where does one pick up the velvet dress?

Loneliness by @sirowsky (Pero Tovar x GN reader) Pondering Pero in your local Park? Highly recommended for Valentine's Day.

15 x cashmere by @trulybetty (Joel Miller x GN reader) What thread count was it that encouraged Joel to hop in bed in such a state? For my personal file. 👀

He sees you by @maggiemayhemnj (Joel Miller x reader) This writer will tell you she just loves words. I would argue that the words love her in a unique way that makes you see the things. 💜

16 x dance by @trulybetty (Tim Rockford x reader) I pictured him dancing with the reader in his trench coat. @secretelephanttattoo (El) is to the holsters as I am to the trench coat. 🤣 In my mind.

Quiet Moments Collection by @secretelephanttattoo (various Pedro characters x reader) It’s the small instances that you think don’t matter, that are the most meaningful.

Plus One by @always-andromeda (Frankie Morales x fem reader) Always a fan of two idiots in love, even with their spat.

A Strange Fate by @youandmeand5bucks (Silva x fem reader) Two people who came together because of life circumtances. Are they really satisfied?

A Beskar Valentine by @firstofficerwiggles (Din Djarin x female reader) Awesome username, it makes me giggle. Din will be ten steps ahead and still fifteen behind when it comes to matters of the heart. My guy is an overthinking champion.

Seven by @lokischocolatefountain (Javier Pena x reader) A simple discussion about children leads Javier to a drastic solution.

To be Explored Later by @legendary-pink-dot (Frankie Morales x fem reader x Santiago Garcia) aka Ms. Curls if ya nasty! 😘 Somehow I missed the gem of a sandwich. How the reader was able to think about anything is beyond me.

Red Light Glow by @missredherring (Lucian Flores x fem reader) This man has me and @rhoorl keeping track of his silk shirt and gold chain. We would accept his call. The guilt would go away too quickly if we felt it at all. 😌

Incarnadine by @iamskyereads (Pero Tovar x fem reader) This Pero has me swoon with his care toward the reader, his love of baths (I just want him to soak and relax - he's been earning coin!), and his word choice. This is another person that words appear to favor. 💜

Not like I fangirled over these writers this week or anything 👀

What on the docket for this week Nerdie?

Part three of the Javi G summer romance

Maybe...Roc & Doc part three I don't like sitting on finished parts but then I whine about having no motivation for the next part. 👀 I make no sense.

March is toward the end of the week so my March Spring Prompts will start! I scheduled the first six days I think. I got anxious about getting behind (which isn't the point of doing them but anxiety doesn't care) and did some in advance. I like how they're coming along and that they're short. Unlike this update. 🤣 They won't have summaries, but will have warnings, tags and notes.

And because I hear series and I think "I should start another one!" I decided to write an Ezra series. How did I happen upon our favorites prospector/scoundrel/reluctant father figure? I've been reading works by @morallyinept @maggiemayhemnj and @magpiepills

Ezra intimidated me because of his language, but actually, I think I'd get along with him because he puts on a persona with a great deal of performance. It's the audience's job to figure out if you're serious or not. Or at least that's how I approached him. 🤨 This could go badly. I stuck him on the bayou with an air boat and I want him to cook gumbo. *full delusional achievement unlocked*

Special shout-outs to @connectioneverywhere and @soft-girl-musings for sending me lovely asks this week.

Also to @inept-the-magnificent who called Tim Rockford her sidepiece and I am still very tickled. 🤣

This update was long 🤗 Hehe

Love Nerdie ❤️

[romanarose]

Tommy Time Fics!

I've been told by multiple people I'm the reason they thirst for Tommy Miller so I figured I'd compile a list!

A place for all Tommy Miller related fics that'll I'll keep in my TLOU master list so everyone can see. I'll keep mine way at the end.

THIS IS AN ONGOING LIST! If you got recs, let me know and I'll add them!!!

These fics may contain varying degree's of dark, all the way to non-con. Media consumption is your responsibility and all fics are labeled properly.

It's pretty hard to find fics with JUST Tommy so a lot of these are Tommy/Joel

By @toxicanonymity

Toxi has helpfully made a whole list of all her Joel x reader x Tommy fics!!! some are stand alone, some are part of a series, all are fantastic. I don't think there's one I haven't read

See also: Bird of Prey: Tommy x reader. Raider Tommy, I need him so badly you don't get it.

By @aurorawritestoescape Bad Blood Series: Tommy Miller x reader x Joel. A rare fit where Tommy is the focus! darkish reader wants to fuck her step dad Tommy, and step-uncle Joel is along for the ride.

By @katiexpunk

Run the Table: Joel x reader x Tommy. Pool table sex <3 that's all you need to know

By @koshkamartell

Training Day: Joel x reader x Tommy: DDDNE. Joel doesn't like your attitude, Tommy helps keep you in check.

By @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin 3 amazing pieces!!!

Stay With Me- Tommy Miller (fluff)

Snowed In- Joel Miller, Tommy Miller (dark) DDDNE TW: NONCON

Blackout- Tommy Miller (dark) DDDNE TW: DUBCON

by @thetriumphantpanda

Two for the Price of One: Joel x reader x Tommy. BREEDING BREEDING BREEDING!!!

By @noxturnalpascal Plenty of Time: Tommy Miller x m!OC. Based on a now deleted series, but if you liked Maintenance Man Joel, you'll enjoy this!

By @justagalwhowrites Run Rabbit: Joel x reader Tommy. Our fav trope, RAIDERS!!!!! The sexual tension hnnnngggg

By @romana-after-dark / @romanarose The Wrong Way series: Joel x reader, Tommy x reader DDDNE. Tommy and Joel are raiders and you're sold to Joel, but Tommy takes a liking

Blessed be the Fruit Series: Joel x reader ft. Tommy. Handmaid's Tale AU. You're Joel's handmaid, but lucky for Tommy, Joel likes to watch. (Tommy chapters later)

Yes, Uncle Tommy?: Tommy x reader ft. Joel

PLEASE KNOW I DIDN'T INTENTIONALLY LEAVE ANYONE OUT, I JUST HAVE A VERY POOR MEMORY WITH WHO WROTE WHAT!

Please lmk if you have Tommy fics!!!

thank you all so much!! I'll be adding as time goes!

(also if you only write on ao3, that's cool too! send me the link and ill put it on!)

If you'd like to be removed for any reason, let me know!

[proseka-headcanons]

GOES EVIL RYN THE RAMBLER TIME

wxs hcs go!!

all of them are autistic, emu also has adhd. all of them were diagnosed prior to main story but tsukasa, the way he found out he had the 'tism is from his fellow troupe members talking abt the shared autistic experience and kasa was like "wait.. that sounds like me.. ARE YOU SURE THESE ARE YOU AUTISTIC TRAITS??" and so the rest or wondersho told him "tsukasa.. honey, youre autistic" and they baked him a cake when he got diagnosed ‼️‼️ and by "they" i mean Nene, rui once almost blew up his house when microwaving something (accidentally, but still) so hes not even allowed to use a microwave let alone bake a cake. for Emu, oh sweet, sweet, emu. she almost put some sort of dairy product (i hc hes allergic to dairy) so she couldn't help that much (almost died from autistim cake x1)

when they gave him the cake, emu played the "YIPPEE" sound at max volume and almsot gave kasa a heart attack (almost died from autistim cake x2)

this is already long enough so get ready for a part 2 probably tmmrw

WOO AUTISM 💥💥 wxs is literally the autism group methinks. everyone is autistic but wxs especially they have so many autistic traits that them being allistic just isn't possible

i love them. the autism creatures... onto mod rui and mod nene though !! - 🎀

I should’ve gotten a cake when I was diagnosed with autism - 🎮

well hi. mod mizuki again. mod rui hasn't added anything on whoops it's been long enough that i'm just posting. enjoy this amazing headcanon - 🎀

[ellie-24]

USS Randall Ramblers

Writing prompt: What are we going to do with [blank]?

Sorry besties, I'm a bit late. @missmaywemeetagain @thatbanditqueen @whositmcwhatsit @be-my-ally @from-memphis-with-love @vintageshanny

Summary: Mary didn't want to leave the US. Elvis didn't want to leave either. Yet, they somehow found themselves on the same ship steaming towards Europe.

Word count: ~4k

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Aboard the USS Randall, somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean. September 30th 1958

Mary pulled the blanket tighter around her body when another cool breeze mixed with icy sea water hit her face. She could taste the salt on her lips and rubbed her stinging eyes. After blinking a few times she resumed to watching how the full moon above her relected in the calm waves below her. She leaned foward, her numb hands slipping from below the rough fabric to tightly grip onto the even colder steel of the railing. Hearing the steady splashing of the water against the side of the ship had a calming effect on her troubled mind.

Being the daughter of an army officer meant moving around, never really having a place she could really call home. After eighteen years should reall be used to it by now. But leaving for another country, not knowing the language or the people at all, made her feel slightly nauseous. Mary took a deep breath and tried to focus on the rhythmic splashing of the water again.

"Afraid there ain't enough lifeboats?" A familiar voice suddenly called behind her.

She whirled around and winced when her elbow hit the railing. It took her a moment to realise who the silhouette in the shadows belonged to. It was him. With his hair clean cut like the rest of the army boys, the side burns that used to make every girl go absolute bonkers now shaven off. Disbelief flooded her mind like the cold, salty ocean water below her. This was the second time she ran into him this week. Or well, he ran into her. And the probability of that happening wasn't very high, she tought, recalling a conversation she had a few days ago.

Janet, a bubbly thirteen year old, and her friend Terry had exitedly sat down next to her, while she enjoyed a cup of coffee and read a magazine in the day room. "Mary, we missed him again! They said he was on the sun deck, but when we got there they said he just left!"

Mary raised her coffee cup to her lips, almost burning her tongue in the process and smiled at her. "...You have four more days, Janet. I'm sure there will be another opportunity."

"Don't you want to meet him?"

Mary put her magazine down and leaned back into the plush pillow of her seat. She just couldn't bear to tell the girls that their teen idol seemed to be rather annoyed by the officer's daughters ambushing him everywhere he went. At least that's what her father told her. "Oh, sure I would... But I'd be an awkward mess in front of him." She leaned over with a grin. "You ladies should be the ones meeting him."

Janet had giggled and turned over to her friend. "Oh, what are we going to do with him once we meet him?"

"I want to hug him! And I'll ask him for an autograph!" Terry exclaimed, clapping her hands in exitement.

"I want to take a picture with him!" Janet swooned.

"Maybe he'll sing for us!"

"That would be something, wouldn't it?" Mary had added with a fond smile and a good natured shake of her head as she watched the exited teen girls dance around each other, before darting out of the day room towards the deck again.

"You." She now stated, looking him up and down. He approached her, twirling the ring on his pinky.

"Me." he countered, still in his neat uniform, as he leaned against the railing with his back.

She let out a flustered laugh. "I'm not really concerned about the life boats. More about what's gonna happen tomorrow."

A wistful look overtook his beautiful features and he slightly inclined his head, as if nodding along. He hummed and drummed his fingers against the steel. Mary had seen this particular look two nights before.

She never thought that the fact that her father taught himself how to play the guitar during the war would lead to her dancing with Elvis Presley. But it did on that one evening, an evening where everyone on board craved entertainment, a distraction. Ski, the cheerful G.I. with the accordion, apparently organised the whole thing, asking everyone who could to play an instrument. Of course her father had stepped up and exitedly invited her, her mother and her brother to come to see him being part this very exclusive show.

"Elvis will be there as well, right?" Mary had asked a few hours before the mini concert was supposed to start.

Her father stopped rolling his cigarette and looked up to her. "Yes dear, I reckon he will be. Don't think he'll spend the night in his cabin." He answered with a light hearted smile.

She absentmidedly pulled at the sleeves of her dress. "Do you think I could bring some of the other girls? They spend their entire time here trying to accidentally run into Elvis." she chuckled.

"Oh, I don't know, dear. If everyone brought their friends there'd be a thousand people in the day room... I'm afraid it's not possible. You might want to ask Ski about that." he offered with a shrug.

She chewed on her bottom lip in thought. "No, it's alright, I don't want to cause any trouble." she hummed, a bit bummed out. "I guess I'll just have to get them an autograph or something. If I get the opportunity."

Later that evening a man named Charlie Hodge introduced himself and acted as emcee for the evening, her father stood proudly in the background with his guitar. She'd never seen him so exited and child like before, which made her grin widely, yet mildly weirded her out at the same time. But the weirdest thing during the whole show must have been the fact that hip-swinging Elvis the Pelvis, how the magazines called him, sat still at the piano, looking all prim and proper, not uttering a single word. He didn't even get introduced. She kept looking around in confusion, trying to figure out if she was the only one noticing this strange circumstance. Apparently she either was the only one or everyone just skillfully ignored this mystery.

It was then when she observed his gaze, she noticed he was seemingly a thousand miles away. His blue eyes weren't twinkling with mirth like they usually did when she used to watch him on tv. His full lips formed something that resembled both a permanent pout and a scowl. He looked so incredibly sad, it made her heart hurt. Maybe he just wasn't in the mood to sing, she reasoned. The recent death of his mother must still weigh heavy on him, the rare smiles and laughs this Charlie guy managed to get out of him from time to time never really reaching his eyes. It just seemed like he didn't want to be there at all. Mary wondered if she should approach him at all or just leave him alone. For now she chose to do the latter.

She busied herself cheering on her father as he supported the "USS Randall Ramblers", as they introduced themselves. Yet, she found that her eyes kept wandering to the raven haired man at the piano. His mouth kept moving, as if singing along, just for himself. When she looked down she saw his feet tapping on the creaky, wooden floor and his knees jiggling slightly as if he couldn't contain the movement even if he tried to.

She looked up at his face again and noticed that he was looking right back at her, their eyes locking. She stopped in her tracks, the music and laughter around her now sounding muffled and dull. Her breathing picked up under his intense gaze and she tried not to choke on her own spit when one corner of his lip lifted into a small half smile. She managed to smile back, though it probably looked more like a grimace and quickly averted her eyes again in embarrassment, feeling her cheeks grow warm. Out of corner of her eye she saw him shaking his head with a grin.

When the show was over many, including Mary and her family, still lingered, not wanting this light, merry atmosphere to fade into the not so fun reality. The people around her started carelessly dancing, singing and drinking and even her parents dared to join the other dancing couples, leaving Mary to sit alone with her little brother. It was then, thankfully, that Charlie Hodge approached her and held out his hand to her.

"Care to join me for a dance?" he asked with a, what she has to admit, was a rather cute smile. She skillfully ignored her brother snorting loudly next to her and slipped her hand into Charlie's with a smile.

"I'd love to." she agreed and he wasted no time to pull her along with him. Charlie was a rather small fella, her low heels caused her to actually be an inch taller than him, which she found kind of endearing. He was also careful to keep a respectful distance between their bodies, his grip on her waist light and gentle as he slowly twirled her around.

"Did you have a good time?" he asked in a loud voice, the music and laughter around them making it hard for her to understand him.

She nodded enthusiastically. "It was a great performance! Really, uh, I think we all needed that to be honest."

He smiled up at her. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. Gotta do something on this ship to keep everyone's spirit up."

"It's horribly draining isn't it?"

"Especially for some of us." he nodded, his eyes briefly, involuntarily, flicking towards something behind her.

She looked up at him quizzically before turning her head with her eyebrows scrunched up, to see what he was looking at.

Elvis stood next to a table on the other side of the room with his hands on his hips, talking to another man. Well, the talking consisted of him dutifully nodding along, his eyes blank, and his expression neutral. Except for the slight raise of one eyebrow. If anything he looked annoyed and exhausted. It was as if he felt her gaze on him, his eyes moving away from the man in front if him and suddenly their eyes locked again. She quickly turned back to Charlie, embarrassed once more that he caught her staring. He didn't seem to notice her discomfort though.

"Uh, you mean Elvis?" She asked, just wanting to say something.

He shook his head defensively. "No, I, um meant young, delicate girls like yourself. Uh, doesn't do you no good being on a warship this long."

She hummed with a sceptical look on her face, more interested about what he apparently had to say about Elvis.

"You know him? Elvis?"

"Why do you ask?"

"You two seem rather familiar." she shrugged.

"We share a bunk. Known him for a few years now, we reconnected in the army." he explained with a fond smile.

"Ah." she nodded in understanding and looked down. Which is why she didn't notice Charlie's eyes widening slightly before she heard a booming voice behind her.

"Man, you're stepping all over her feet, give the poor girl a break."

"EP-"

"Nah man, step away, lemme show ya how to do it." Elvis didn't even wait for her reaction to the whole exchange as he pulled her away from Charlie's gentle grasp and pressed her against his hard body, one hand around her waist, one hand guiding her head towards his chest. Whereas Charlie had carefully ensured there was enough space between their bodies for a theoretical third person to join in, Elvis didn't seem to share this sentiment. With no regards towards her personal space he held her in a tight grip, her cheek now resting against his toned chest, the smell of his cologne immediately causing her brain to short circuit. He was definitely taller than her previous dance partner as well, she thought while he started swaying them lightly back and forth. She saw Charlie quickly shuffling away and realised for the first time that she was now, in fact, dancing with Elvis Presley.

"Sorry about him, sweetheart. He's just really awkward in front of girls. Good thing I came to rescue ya." He mumbled and laid his cheek against her hair like they'd known each other for years.

She looked around, trying to discern if anyone had witnessed the spectacle that just happened. She'd hate to be the center of attention. Luckily everyone was still rather busy with themselves and in high spirits, the small incident thankfully not spoiling with the wonderfully exuberant atmosphere. "Do you always steel away girls from your buddies like that?" Mary asked, her voice a bit muffled, her cheek and lips still smushed against his dapper uniform.

He hummed, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Only the pretty ones. Ol' Charlie wouldn't know how to treat a girl like ya."

"And you do?"

"I know everything about women there is to know, sweetheart."

"Most girls aren't that complicated, you know?"

"Every single one is, sweetheart."

"Well, the one's onboard aren't that hard to please, believe me. I'll tell you as a woman."

He hummed and released his grip on her hair to look at her, eyebrows raised quizzically.

She giggled. "It seems to be almost impossible to find you on this ship, you know that? My, uh friends keep trying to see you. That's all they want. But from what they're telling me you could actually be a ghost."

His face momentarily darkened again and Mary wondered if she said something wrong. She laughed awkwardly before continuing. "You know, they hear rumors that you could be there, or that you're spending your time here and once they go there... you're always gone. Vanished into thin air. Poof."

He needed a moment to register her words before giving her a regretful smile. "Oh, you know, I'd actually love to meet em, honey. See, they keep me busy sweeping the decks and scraping off rust. Ain't really got no time for myself. Or the girls."

She nodded and pursed her lips. "The way I see it you owe me something for the dance now, don't I?"

"Oh, so you're the one girl aboard not as easily pleased as the others? What a lucky guy I am."

"Now, that's something you brought upon yourself. Tearing me away so cruelly from poor Charlie."

"Told ya already, poor Charlie wouldn't know how to handle ya. The more I talk to ya the more I get the feeling that I'm right."

"And I get the feeling that this means you want to listen to the deal I'd like to propose?"

He smirked. "Oh, I'd love to hear a proposal from you, sweetie."

She jokingly rolled her eyes at him and he bit his lip, his own eyes half closed. She snapped her fingers in front of his face. "Focus. In exchange for the dance, I need you to at least sign some autographs for my friends, alright?"

"That much I can do, honey."

"Perfect! Thank you!"

Mary pulled him along to a nearby table and she reached out, gathering some of the white napkins. She laid them down in front of him.

"Pen, pen, pen..." she mumbled to herself over and over again frantically, her eyes scanning the area around her.

"Got one, honey. Don't get all worked up." he said with a smug smile and pulled a pen out of his breast pocket.

She gave him a look before pointing towards the paper in front of him. "For Janet, please. And Terry. Oh and Darby." She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes, trying to remember the name of the other girl Janet regularly went Elvis hunting with. "And Sheila!" she exclaimed, snapping her fingers triumphantly.

He leaned down. "Gotta lot of friends, honey." he smiled up at her through his long, black lashes and went on to sign the napkins, as she peered over his shoulders.

"What about you?" he asked as he finished writing and turned around again.

She took a startled step back, not realising how close she actually stood to him before. "Huh?"

He bit his lip again, trying to contain a playful smile. "What's your name, sweetie?"

"Oh, Mary."

"Mary. That's pretty." He smiled as he leaned over the table again and grabbed another napkin to scribble down a personal autograph for her as well. When he finished he held it out to her, but quickly snatched it away again when she wanted to take it from him.

"Nah, sweetheart, this one costs extra." He chuckled, holding it high above his head where she couldn't reach it.

"Another dance?" she asked, wanting to sound serious, maybe even exasperated. Yet, she could barely suppress a smile.

He pointed to his cheek with an innocent expression. She put her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes at him, making him pout. She sighed and leaned up on her tippy toes, trying to calm the butterflies in her stomach and mentally prepared to be so close to him. Again. When she softly pressed her lips against his impossibly soft skin, she couldn't help but close her eyes and smile at the sensation. He leaned into her touch, pressing his cheek further against her mouth, relishing the feeling as well. There was a certain hollowness she felt in the pit of her stomach when she had to force herself to pull away from him before it got weird. She looked up at him expectantly.

He opened his eyes again and gently pressed the napkin into her hand. "Thank you so much, sweetie, you really didn't have to do this. But I'll accept it as your apology for being mean to me."

She stared up at him, open mouthed, at a loss of words. He raised her hand to his lips. "See you around, Mary." With a wink he left her standing there, clutching the signed napkins tightly in both in frustration and desire.

"Can't sleep either, huh? Or are ya seasick, leaning over the railing like that?" His playful voice startled her out of the memory.

She shrugged, and after another breeze of cold salt water against her face she decided to step away from the railing and sat down on a bench nearby. "Tomorrow we'll dock at Bremerhaven. My family is all exited about it."

"And you're not?" he asked and sat down beside her.

She shifted, her feet now resting on the bench as well so she could tuck them into her blanket. "I don't know. I'm a bit scared to be honest. Uh, what about you?"

He huffed. "...Were your little friends happy about the autographs?" he asked, quickly avoiding her question.

She blinked. "...Oh, uh yeah, they went absolutely crazy!" She chuckled at the memory of Janet flinging herself around her neck, eternally grateful. "It meant so much to them. Thank you, again."

He smiled and put his arm around her. "Thank you, sweetie. Always happy to make a deal with you."

She gave him an over the top sweet, fake, smile and he snorted. "But really, I'm glad... Don't know how many of them are left when I return."

She frowned at him, confused. "What do you mean?"

His smile turned solemn and he looked down. "My... fans." he winced a bit at that word. "The folks who support me. They mean e-everything to me... Now that I'll be gone for at least two years..." he trailed off and shook his head.

"I think they know that you're not abandoning them. You're doing your duty." she argued and gestured to his uniform.

He ran a hand over his clean shaven face. "Doesn't matter. They'll forget a-about me."

She leaned over. "Don't be so hard on yourself. That's not gonna happen, I can't imagine dear Janet ever stopping trying to hunt you down. Just to get a small glimpse."

His eyes locked with hers again. "And what about you?"

"Mhm. I'll certainly always remember that handsome G.I. playing the piano. He's a great dancer as well. Oh, and he has a beautiful voice. Unfortunately he didn't sing, but I know he can. I saw him perform on tv. Can you believe that?" She said with big eyes.

He snorted a little and raised one eyebrow at her. "Sounds like an interesting fella."

"Oh you won't believe it. Definitely someone who leaves a lasting impression."

"Aww, you're sweet for saying that, baby. Means a lot to me."

She sighed. "If we wouldn't dock tomorrow I'd personally organise another show. Just you and me and the girls." she chuckled and gently ran her fingers over his forehead.

There was a beat of silence until he released a shuddering breath. "I'd love that. When we were dancing, you, uh made me forget everything for a minute... It was really nice."

"I liked it too." She gently smiled.

"...I-I'm not even allowed to sing anymore, Mary." he whispered after a few minutes of agreeable silence.

"...Uh, you know, I was wondering about that. The other day... you only played the piano."

He took a deep breath. "That I did."

"And you didn't sing." she continued with a pointed look.

He absentmindedly reached up and removed his hat, revealing the trim army hair cut, instead of the perfectly styled pompadour she was used to. "The uh, army a-and my manager thought it would be better if I didn't." He explained and carefully examined the hat he held in his hands, narrowing his eyes at it, as if it was personally responsible for his misery.

"They, uh really forbid you to sing? As in you're really not allowed to?"

He shrugged, his voice failing him and laid his head against her shoulder, both of his arms now around her waist. She swallowed hard. "I-I'd certainly like to have a talk with that manager of yours. Forbidding you to perform. I don't believe it."

His icy nose bumped against her warm neck, and a chill ran down her spine. "It's just not s-supposed to be like that. Nothing. Everything is... going wrong." he whispered and pressed himself even closer to her.

A bit overwhelmed, Mary didn't really know what to do to comfort the man next to her who seemed to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. She now understood what Charlie Hodge meant when they were dancing two nights ago. It wasn't just that he wasn't allowed to sing. He was afraid. Terribly afraid. Of the future, of being alone. He was probably even more afraid than her. She noticed him shivering a bit, his head still angled away from her. When she heard him sniffle quietly she fully turned her body towards him and saw a single tear running down his reddened cheek.

"You're cold." she stated and opted to pretend like she thought his runny nose was a direct result of the icy wind still hitting their faces. "Come here." she whispered as she pulled away her blanket and drew in a sharp breath a the sudden cool air hitting her body. Then she carefully draped the rough fabric around him as well, wrapping them both up in a tight cocoon. He wordlessly snuggled up to her, his cold hands around her waist making her shiver once again.

His voice trembled a bit when he spoke up again. "Mary, will I see you again?"

"I don't know." she answered, honestly.

"You'll have to c-come visit me. In Friedberg. I-I'll a-arrange it." he stuttered, his voice urgent.

She hummed. "Mhm, we'll see. Under one condition though."

"What?" He raised his head, his nose bumping against hers.

She ran a finger over his full bottom lip. "You'll have to sing for me then."

[wannab-urs]

*whistles impressively

1.5k? That's pretty amazing!! Congrats 🎉

For your sleepover - I have been looking for stories of PP characters with infidelity. No one tell my husband!! (jk i already told him for some reason) So either they are married or the reader/ofc/mc is married and it's SO wrong but it's SO good.

You got any recs for me? ty. xoxo

OOOOO fun okay here we go:

My Girl Now - a Joel one shot by @psychedelic-ink (you have a bf)

A Feeling That Never Came - a Javi P series by @theywhowriteandknowthings (you're engaged)

Linger On - a Joel series by @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin (you're married)

Hard Work Gets Rewarded a Joel and his crew one shot by @walkintotheriveranddisappear (you're married)

Revenge a Dave York one shot by @toomanystoriessolittletime (you're married)

Whistle in the Dark a Joel series by @gasolinerainbowpuddles (you're married)

HBF!Joel a Joel series by @gracieispunk (you're married)

Yes Father - a Joel series by @chloeangelic (you're married)

I think i know a Joel one shot by @pascalisbaby (Joel is married and he's your sister's husband)

Maintenance Man Joel a Joel series by @gracieispunk (Joel is married)

Breakout a Joel series by @the-ginger-hedge-witch (You have a bf)

Someone's Wife in the Boat of Someone's Husband a Joel series by @netherfeildren (Joel is married)

I'm sure I have more. I just started at the bottom of my spreadsheet and worked up. I don't feel like going through all 400 fics lmao.

Thank you so much <3

[copperbadge]

Working on Royals/Ramblers this morning, and it started out as a joke...

"Yeah, I guess. I mean, I'm going home eventually, but you two weren't wrong. If you had to settle down somewhere outside Santa Luna, I know why you chose Fons-Askaz," Monday finished. Gregory was watching Ed; he seemed worried, but Ed had confided to Monday that Greg was the world's most well-intentioned worrier, so that wasn't too unusual. 

"Really the only thing it hasn't got is roller coasters," she added, and Ed burst out laughing.

"We could bring a midway to Fons-Askaz," he said, as Gregory relaxed a little. "Maybe not a boardwalk, but there's land between here and Menton, you could fit a couple of rollercoasters in." 

"Given the process of getting the stadium approved, I'll leave that one in your lap," Gregory said. 

"Building's going smoothly, at least," Monday replied. "I'd stick around to build you an amusement park if you did, Ed." 

"Ah, I don't know," Ed said. "Tell you what, the National Resources app has a poll function, I'll ask the people what their will is with regards to Shivadh Disneyland. Oh! Shivadhisney!" 

"Not Disney," Monday and Gregory chorused in unison. 

"....Six Flags?" Ed ventured. 

OH NO. IT'S KIND OF A GOOD IDEA. OH....NO.....

"You could call it Askazarama," Jerry suggested. Gregory groaned. "I bet if you gave it a really cheesy theme folks would flock. Theme it after the Romans. Fons-Askaz mean's Caesar's Fountain -- you could make it a waterpark." 

"Again, if you want it, I encourage you to make the attempt," Gregory said, going back to his meal.

"Greg," Monday said.

"Mm?"

"Did you just tell Ed Rambler and Jerry dux Shivadlakia to work together on a major municipal tourist attraction?" 

Gregory looked, a little nervously, from her to Ed. Ed grinned ferally. 

"I'm still the properly elected king," he said. "I can veto it. I can stop the madness." 

"You keep believing that," Ed told him. "I'll send you a meeting invite," he added to Jerry, who nodded, grinning.

[chaotic-mystery]

smut has 1000000% raise my bar way to damn high in the category of sex with men

story time:

went out on a tinder date with this dude and like the date itself was fine cant really complain he paid for my food (it was at a Mcdonald's but you know the struggle is real rn and food is food also what kind of fat bitch am I to turn down free food ya know? )

so like obvi been like ovulating for the past few days and I got cobwebs down there so I needed a little dusting. so we went back to his place and sealed the deal but Jesus Christ. it sucked BALLS. shit was blander then white people food. like I was looking for the seasoning and all I found was salt and pepper.

I told this fuck head to and I quote "tell me how pretty I look" cause I love it when someone tells me how pretty I look when I'm on their dick

to which then he proceeded with "yeah"

BITCH WTF? YEAH? ALL I GOT WAS A YEAH????

I was fucking McMad lemme tell you. He then came within 5 minutes. and was like "DiD YOu cuM?"

Yeah came to the wrong fucking house. so I went home and flicked the bean to some Joel Miller smut and had a glass of wine and here I am. Pissed off and still horny

-the anon who clearly needs to lower her standards or become a lesbian 💛

Oh honey if anything smut has opened your eyes for you! MEN SUCK! OKAY! in the wise words of my lover @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin … GET UP AND LEAVE IF THE DICK IS TRASH. NEVER FAKE IT FOR A MAN! (I paraphrased but it’s okay) don’t ever let him make you think you owe him anything even if he paid for dinner! Especially if he’s unwilling to make you feel good. FUCK HIM!