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dimlylittorch · 18 hours ago

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okay so this actually seems like a really good opportunity to share something I’ve experienced as a trans man who is pre-hormones, pre-op, and still embraces my femininity as a gay man. and also as someone who lives in southern usa:

I attended college in person for my first semester right after high school. That was fall of 2023. I now do online college for reasons including my physical health, mental health, but also how difficult it was for me to make friends and how isolating it was.

For starters, I’ll add in a little context for what I am like as a person, and what my college was like at the time. I am 5’6, plus sized, queer, and neurodivergent (diagnosed ADHD and very heavy signs of autism). I do not pass very well unless I dress very masculine. But having just graduated from a high school that was uniforms only, I obviously wanted to finally get to dress up for class, so I wore feminine clothing a good bit. I am a very friendly person who can strike up a conversation with complete strangers, but I don’t have many close friends (which I’m learning is probably because of my AuDHD). I’m not very expressive about my identity as a trans man, in the sense that I don’t wear pride flag pins or anything that would make it super obvious. That’s more of a preference on my part- I don’t feel the need to explain myself. If I am conversing with someone and it comes up, I never hide that I’m trans. I find it a good way to break the ice. But overall, my identity isn’t my personality and there is much more to me than my gender identity (this is a relevant statement i promise lol)

On my first day of college, in each class I would have to tell the professors my legal name, and then my chosen name. In one class in particular, it earned me several sharp looks and was overall an uncomfortable situation. But I did my best to look past it, thinking I was probably making it up in my head. Three boys. Three very big, large, muscular boys. It was intimidating, to say the least.

The second time I had that class, something else happened. I was seated by the door, and since I had things to pack I decided to just wait for everyone else to walk by me. As the three guys walk past me, each one says ‘Bye Mick’, ‘See you later Mick’, ‘See you tomorrow Mick’. It wasn’t friendly. They were laughing to themselves about it. They were making fun of me. Bullying me. They tell you when you get to college that everyone grows up.. it’s not true. Needless to say I sat in my chair for a minute, trying to process what had happened. And everyone else heard them say it. It was loud. And that made other people stare at me too.

This happened for almost the whole first week, going into the second. It was embarrassing. Humiliating. One of them was nicer than the others and started to realize the joke wasn’t very funny. I started getting a genuine bye from him. But the other two? It wasn’t nice. It wasn’t until they actually tried speaking to me that they realized I wasn’t one of those ‘weird transgender people’.

They started up a conversation with me in the line at smoothie king on campus. It started off as mean.. but like I said. I’m very friendly, and I can be really charming. I turned the conversation around to where they weren’t laughing *at* me anymore. And I swear I saw it on their faces. They actually looked at me like I was a person, for the first time. We talked about smoothie flavors and for once, I got a genuine goodbye from all of them.

Later in the semester, we had to do a project about our lives. That’s when I learned they were from a very small town, and they graduated high school with a class of thirteen people. And that’s when I realized- I was the first trans person they ever met in person. I was the first trans person that wasn’t sensationalized by the internet, or demonized by social media. I was the first ‘average joe’ trans person they got to meet. And suddenly I didn’t feel upset about the bullying in the beginning anymore. Trans people are demonized online. And in a small town in a southern state? No wonder they hated me.

This is why trans day of visibility matters. Because not every trans person is the same. We are just as diverse as every other group of people, and just like every other group, the worst of the worst are usually the ones that are seen the most online. Trans day of visibility is about making every trans person visible, regardless of race, orientation, pass-ability, religious beliefs, etc.

And allow me to clarify: I have no issue with trans people who make that the basis of their content. I have no issue with trans people who use online platforms to discuss their experiences as a trans person. I have no issue with trans people who are themselves online, and people just happen to target them.

Who i do have an issue with, is trans people who publicly get upset over strangers accidentally misgendering them. Or who say things like ‘straight and cis people are boring and lame’. Or ‘being transfem is better than being transmasc bc why would you want to be a man’. This behavior is what gives *all* transgender people a bad rap.

And to put that into another example for you: If someone thinks ‘all cops are corrupt’, and they go online and all of the police related content they see is ‘police being corrupt’, then obviously they are going to latch onto that and believe it. Humans love to generalize as much as we can.

Trans people are generalized as ‘we make it our entire personalities’, ‘we force our identities onto others’, ‘we go into our chosen bathrooms to be creeps’. One case doesn’t make it true for all of us. Trans day of visibility is about stopping the generalizations. We are regular people. I am more than my gender. I am a human being. Trans day of visibility is so important because so many people forget we’re people too.

There have been a lot of times when people tell me ‘you’re the first trans person I’ve met’ and it’s followed by ‘you’re not what I expected at all’ or ‘you.. actually seem pretty chill.’ This is what bothers me. Sorry if this wasn’t very coherent. Thanks for reading :3

- your friendly neighborhood trans guy

Tell me you've never spoken to a trans man or anyone in the global south or are aware of the fact that trans day of visibility isn't about Staring At A Trans Person