#i told u id do it <3< /div>
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i posted abt this on my tiktok story but i need to rant more so im putting it here 😭😭 the way a lot of mikosai shippers (on tiktok, pinterest, reddit, etc) are is such a big reminder to me of why i hate the strictly romantic soulmates trope with every fiber of my being 😭😭😭 people who interpret soulmates as "that means theyre canonically together" regardless of how the characters actually feel about each other and if they ACTUALLY get together is so fucking gross to me oh my god its so fucking gross i hate forced romance so bad 😭😭 someone cant just say "hey, we're soulmates so you HAVE to date me and its literally weird and impossible for you to like anyone else because i said so!!" and also aiura WOULDNT do that anyway ???? HELLOOO???
you have no idea how many people ive seen call all saiki ships with anyone other than aiura "problematic ships" just because "theyre soulmates"
#SOULMATES DOES NOT MAKE A COUPLE CANON <333#'she SAID theyre soulmates so that means hes HERS now and its gross for u to think he liked anyone else'#hey thats actually... really bad!! hey she actually cant and wouldnt force him to date her!!! hey what the fuck!!!#not a mikosai hate post#only weird forced romance likers hate post <3#if someone doesnt like someone then they dont like them... them being soulmates doesnt change that...#thats actually just not how it works and the idea that that WOULD be how it works is gross#and a lot of the fics ive read of them end up with aiura being all 'ha i told you so! i knew id break u eventually!'#'i knew id get to u if i just kept calling u my boyfriend without permission and saying we're soulmates!'#which like not only would she not do that... its also just really gross#like u really thought 'he doesnt like her so she wears him down and doesnt leave him alone until he relents' and like... u went with that?#oh...#weird...#idk maybe im crazy and also im having a hard time phrasing any of this#but it just brings up so many consent issues and it makes me really uncomfortable#like according to THOSE shippers it wouldnt be by his own will or feelings if he eventually fell in love with her#it would just be because the universe said so and he never had any choice#mikosai is so cute when u think of it in like the totally opposite way#in MY opinion i love mikosai AFTER aiura accepts that soulmates doesnt mean he HAS to date her#that HAS to happen before they date and THEN theyre really cute#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#meows post
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anybody else have a food they're allergic to but still eat anyway
#not DEATH deathly but like. allergic#im allergic to shrimp and guac but i still eat it ..#my throat will get itchy and swell and breathing feels more closed#wherever the food touches also swells in bumps but usually only wherever the food makes contact#but yall. it's so good#the food not the swelling lol i have to sip on water while i eat to help gauge the significance of the throat swelling#i can usually eat up to 2 or 3 big shrimps until i hit my ok.. one more and this will hurt me lots#ill probably still be able to breathe but like it'll be an even bigger struggle than it is now#i think im also allergic to this common italian herb thingy anise? but thats fine bcs i dont like it anyways#but grilled SEASONED shrimp is my weakness. i LOVE SHRIMP!!! add some buffalo sauce and my my my..#idk tho my friends hate when i eat shrimp and will moderate my moderation#'ted ure a medical man. u should be against this' i hungry#idk maybe i dhould cold cut endulging in my allergies now b4 it becomes a lifestyle#i remember when i was younger my boss order me chinese food for doing a Lot of open2closes#and i ordered shrimp and lo mein(iLOVEEEE LO MEINN!!! when i was lil i would get PLATEFULS of JUST lo mein)#(id remove the veggies bcs they got in the way of my noodles)#(but now im older and the texture is too much sameness so i get even amount of lo mein and some sorta meat for Balance)#and i ate like a bit then put the rest in the cooler and he was like 'ure not hungry?' and i told him im allergic#and his eyes got real big and he was shouted my full name like a worried parent#i mean i explained my eat 2 then wait for the swelling to die down and eat 2 more till the inability to breathe gets annoying#but he was still anxious and watching me like a hawk#so#maybe.. i shouldnt do this anymore#does anyone else do this if they have the ability to?#perhaps i am dancing with the devil here#the devil wears privilege
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going to win the SATs. This is both achievable (hasn't studied.) and normal (are ey going to college??) to want.
#when september comes im gon a EAT my guidance counsler#unironically im really excited for school bc a) FREAKING PROOOOOMMMMMMNN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and b) i like learning things now. crazy#if u told me literally 3 years ago i would actually want to study id punch you for lying#which is funny bc all i wanted back then was to fuck off to university and watch movies in peoples dorms#undersocialized gremiling aside. im doing physioligy this yr :)))))))))) im so freaking excited DDDUDE#winter depression better fuck off when that course comes in !!!!!!!!! OR ELSE#like we gwt to use a microscope ...look at cells........learn organ functions and names.....I HOPE THERES PICTURES .....#and were reading frankienstien (novel) which i think is wicked. and swag.
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maybe some 10hour minecraft solo would fix me
#i dunno#im not sure why ive been all Eughh abt the server bf likes#part of it might be the New aspect of it and another part might be just how active it is and how many ppl are there#even tho im not like. ever direct or one on one with them its like#im at a party sort of#the chat is active too much and That. drains me a lot faster than i realize#so either a smaller server a Much smaller server or a solo world for a minute#would fix me#because i do want to minecraft#i miss it its good its nice it gives me something to do that i likely wouldn't ever get shamed for#(in this day and age... back in my day id get bullied in school about it)#(not usually by students but some did Judge me Heavily but mostly it was teachers who were like. 'video games are violenntt!!') but anyways#i wanna like the server bf likes so badly#but every single time i log on im like i cant find a good spot ever theres too many people and hhhh#so i log off of it pretty quickly even tho i Want. to like it#i jus dont think i caaann#and hi leo if ur reading this which i Hope you are <3#i would've told you this earlier. If i found out and unpacked this earlier but I'm only unpacking it now and at the time of#typing this i am so so so so SO sleepy and you are possibly just waking up or about to in an hour or so#so mwah mwah ily and such and gmmm#and im sorry if the short minecraft sessions felt Bad but it 10000% wasnt you#the uniqueness of that server js fun dont get me wrong but i dont think it can be like an All Time server for me#so make your own lil space there and ill pop in from time to time#if u want to at least#nya.txt#ow why cramps..#im nit bleeding or anything jus empty cramps bc i missed some shots oops#but its tolerable i just wnana sleeeeeepp
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seems like my heart does nothing but break lately
#oh my god dont read the tags. it breaks for everyone :( but on a more personal level#for my gf whos sinking deeper into something n i cant even help bc im a wreck myself but i am so so scared to lose her#still havent even been able to book a psych appointment n i rlly dont know where to go with all these ..em*tions#Guys i rlly dont understand one thing. how come one random freak whos in ur life at some point can derail a whole person like eons later#jeopardise their whole future just by crossing some lines for funz i really dont understand this#not fair not fair at all this is evil#and becasue u got unlucky someone wanted to be disgusting u have to carry the consequences#i rly still cant even say it i still cant even write it#i dont even know how . irl the only perosn i told in some capacity#is dealing with her own trauma and i hate that jsut being understanding is not enoughlike#Wow Lmao Its just Funny How it Shapes You. & U Can Never bury it forever becuz it will always catch up to you😂😂😂😂😂😂#AND THE PAST CAN NEVER BE ERASED 😃😃😁😁😂😂😂🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔪🔪#at least my gf has been taking steps to deal with it for.3 yrs and i just never even#LOL i feel like such a coward but the sh*me and the g**lt associated with the Thing..r so overwhelming i cant even admit it#what would i even do at the psych appointment like straight up what am i gonna say Lol#hai iam here to process something i dont actually remember probably becasue i was a child but imnot sure. n id rather#kms than tell u how i know 😂. So thats also why my heart breaks. for that little girl who was a ball of shame i guess and no matter#how much i cognitively.like rationally know its not my fault the ball of shame n guilt is still there#n it swallows me every time i vaguely start 2 think about acknowledging the Th*ng#or whatever. And thats just my end of the deal but my gf has it worse genuinely bc she remembers everything n still has to see the freak#n it went on for yrs n her family doesnt know n heres the worst thing hes a beloved family member a sweet boy with struggles of his own#well i hope he walks into traffic for doing what he did to her
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everyone...watch love next door....
#only 2 eps out for now but it literally got me out of my kdrama slump its That good...#sooo many kdramas don't do the childhood friends to lovers trope justice but i have such high hopes for lnd its soooooo good so far#its funny...the main couples r alr clearly separated from ep1 so no fuckass love triangles...the female leads have a great friendship#and such good chemistry if u told me they're bestie irl id believe u..i looooveeeee the bickerisms btwn the leads they're perfect#also haein fits the yearner role so well???? his gaze is soooo pine n yearn...#also im so happy jion finally has a big role in a good show.....fuck my lovely liar that shit was ass finally retribution for my guy of all#time#like he's just a kind hearted nerd in this and he looks good doing it<3 so excited to see how his & moeum's story evolves#also the moeun seokryu seunghyo trio friendship is so fun as well i loved their scenes in ep 2#ALSO. accurate sibling dynamics save me��️#don't watch it if u quit ur job and moved back home w ur parents recently tho lmao ep2 emotionally devasted me i did cry quite a bit#like why r u in my house suddenly.#anw. watch it!!!!#anna.txt
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Actually we r at 6 months now without any major deaths in my life, which is great! That's the longest I've gone without any major deaths since last May! The second longest was 4 months between July and November last year. Wow !
#speculation nation#negative/#i mean not exactly but also. ya kno.#really i dealt with death after death in may july november and the biggest in february#actually i think my great grandma died within the span between july and november. but i wasnt close with her & dont remember when#so idk if id count that. if i did then the longest would be 3 months. between november and february.#all this is to say. wow what a Fucking year last year was huh#i still dont rly feel like i have much trust in people staying alive in my life.#but maybe im a bit less scared of even more people in my life suddenly dropping dead.#... then again now i apparently have something wrong with my liver. which i am still not happy about.#the only reason why im not dying of anxiety is bc i still feel relatively normal overall.#but i also just remembered how. well. 28 has Long been my unlucky number. and im turning 28 next year.#so ive been half convinced im just gonna die when im 28. bc thatd be just my luck wouldnt it#and like overall theres no real reason why i Would die at that age. but now theres something wrong with my liver.#and like ok i dont think it's liver failure. i dont have any real symptoms for it#and if it was an emergency my doctor wouldve told me to go to the hospital. probably.#but idk. my truest anxiety about it is that it could be something cancerous. or something.#and really i have no reason to suspect that specifically. it's just one of the potential causes for the enzyme abnormality we found#but bc it's not entirely off the table. well now my mind has latched onto it. and is like 'What If'#and ok i just now looked into possible liver diseases to try to calm my anxiety. with mixed success.#bc i found all sorts of liver diseases. including cirrhosis. which is irreversible damage.#im just clinging to the hope of the fact that my readings werent Too high... just.#every single one associated with the liver was high. which means theres Definitely something wrong with my liver.#and im kind of scared it's bc of my prior alcohol use. i wasnt an alcoholic but i did drink pretty regularly for a bit.#but also how unfair would it be for me to get a liver disease from that??? the most i ever drank at one time was 8 shots#which is a lot but there are some people doing that kind of thing Regularly. and they dont get liver disease???#regardless this has been extra persuasion to stay off the alcohol. especially until i know what's up with it.#heyyyy mr liver inside me i prommy i will take good care of u from now on. pls dont die on me 😭😭😭#see ok this is what happens whem i start to think. i get anxious. i just need to keep not thinking.#it's 10 pm i think thats a good time for sleepies
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i just fucking hate having ptsd all of it. so many stupid fucking things send me into fucking hysterics it sucks and i hate it and i dont want itttt anymore i dont want it.
#i literally like. i didnt tell u guys bc it was embarassing#but i had to hype myself up to eat a fucking orange the other day. like i was shaking and crying and i nearly threw up.#bc it fucking reminded me of All that and also bc its one of the only foods i got to eat outside ofm my one meal a day#while i was living there. bc my coworker gave me oranges sometimes#and one time she gave me a whole bag of cuties which was wonderful of her i miss her#but i pretty much like. bc during m-f i had a meal at work#and i could get something from the vending machine if i needed to#but on the weekends i had to either order food (which would always make me insanely nauseous bc of. the money stuff. yk) or just eat#what i had in my room bc i couldnt use the kitchen bc the roommates would be mad at me#and they might kick me out and id be actually fucked. its so crazy looking back that i genuinely the entire time i fucking lived there even#b4 the breakup the entire time i was in terror that theyd evict me. bc i wouldnt have been able to do anything abt it#i mean thats why i didnt like. leave him after he . and stuff. both bc i thought i didnt deserve anything better and bc i was terrified#theyd evict me and i wouldnt have any way to get home. it was terrifying#but ya. so for a couple weeks i rationed myself One orange per day lol. and on weekends that was all i was able to eat rly#idk. i hate ptsd. basicalllyyyy is the gist of ittt. and i keep thinking abt random fucking things they did to me#me when they jokingly tell me to starve myself when i literally have a fucking eating disorder. and when i told The Only Person i knew in#that fucking house abt it he told me i was being dramatic and i was just being greedy and etc. and then later when i got off work today i#saw on their fucking whiteboard in the kitchen i wasnt supposed to use Eat more <3 as one of their goals. while i went to sit in the garage#for the weekend eating a single fucking orange a day. god#idk. ive gotten better with eating i still have the scale but i ws able to go months without using it until the medical call the other week#and i havent used it since but. everytime i think abt all that itmakes me want to go back to it. i cant tho everyone would notice#i do still eat a wholee lot less than i did b4 washington but idk. idont remember if i even ate today i probably should but i dont feel#hungry but i cant even fucking trust that bc i Starved myself for so fucking long im too good at ignoring hunger. and i never was super in#touch with my body but im constantly numb now. idk.#ed ment#a2t#i ws gonna say more but it ws tmi + tag limit anyway. its just insane that my fucking ed wouldnt have happened if it werent for him and it#graduated i wouldnt have been isolatedinever wouldve had an ed. like 50% of my ptsd would be Gone if i just hadnt joined that discord. lol
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every few months i add someone insane to the kinlist and this time its BRANCH. FROM TROLLS.
#if u told me 3 months ago this is what id be doing i think id cry#but here we are#i dont control the hyperfixation it controls me#trolls
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ohh the scrimbly bibmmblyy scroble scrimple blorbo. and his bastard brother i need to go to sleeppp
#he girl did u know that um. the spankoffskis. I NEED TO EPP#i told myslef id rewatch all thehatchetfeild shows for hallowen and um. i spent the day doing nothing but reading hatchetfield fanfic#so close enough ?#aggh im so tired iv been sleeping so late. SPEAKING OF ITS 3:30 NEARLY GOOD BYE !!!
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love how i won third place in moot court and i don't really have anyone to share that with
#it was two days long and my teammate bailed out on me on the second day#but its fine cause it was a lot of fun#and the judges said my speech was the best out of the four teams on day 2#but third place yeah :)#told my dad and he said it wasnt gonna affect my cv so it was irrelevant#and then when i got pissed he said he was just noking and that this stuff didnt matter#what do you even say after that#at least my friends were pretty happy about it#figured id share it with u guys too <3
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I drew something and now my wrist hurts soooo so bad
#venus ambassador give us a post#<3 i will also probably never post it unless somehow i see jt later and decide i like it enough actually#im reworking a character to play in our next campaign bc i told my brother a) i would so id have a character i already am familiar with#b) ive played 2 characters who were Good People and i wanna play an absolute fuckhead rat bastard next#its an easy guess who i picked i think if u know my characters but no one does so it is my secret for now teehee#i will end up posting doodles when i do anything digital most likely. forgot to say the pain is specifically bc i drew in a sketchbook#for the first time in who knows how long. forgot how to hold a pencil. anyway goodnight
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seeing ppl on twt and tktok call oneus problematic for dancing to unholy in front of a church is sooo funny to me actually. like i hope oneus doesnt actually suffer bc of this but also its soo funny. like its genuinely not that disrespectful a cover
#if u told me a kpop group did a sexy christian inspired cover id expect far worse#id expect like sexualising jesus or mary or lucifer or smth like that. i promise u this is not a big deal#also they either got permission from the church/parish to do it meaning Official Christians Approved ORRR its only a set so#its not actually holy/sacred ground#maybe thats bc i a catholic have created way more blasphemous art than that <3#also the stage break is clearly talking about temptation and guilt which is a very christian thing so like its not even aesthetics/ignoranc#they didnt go lets strip in front of a church for fun lmao#anyway. its almost 1am hopefully nobody sees this lmao#silversouris
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on one hand i wanna keep writing my fic so bad not only bc i wanna get to the next chapter (the final chapter, the best one, la creme de la creme) but bc next scene is HOT however i cant remember.... how i planned...the build up... the logic reason to get from point A to point B.... and its kicking my ass ngl........
#like character B comes to character A's work to yknow taunt him a bit and then point b is the two of them at character A's house.#but the thing is. A hates B. like they both hate each other but A hates B more. and i cant think of a reason why hed accept to take him hom#maybe if B told him the reason of his visit? but no id like him to drop the bomb at his house for a more genuine reaction#tani's personal shit#if u wonder what the bomb is imagine a game of chicken between two ppl who really want to hurt the other#but to do so they've gotta hurt themselves in the process either physically or mentally/emotionally/morally#you cant get something without being willing to give. it is as one comment in one of my fics of them put it: a constant tug and pull#anyway its a fun fic!!#and im so close to finishing it...................... @_@#not now bc its 3 am but... One Day
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I srsly want the book with that cover. Why am I like this. If I had waited on that book or at least looked on diff sites at the time I'd have gotten the one I wanted in the first place probably. Am I going to spend $7 to get a 2nd copy of this book? And what am I going to do with the other copy???
#also do i get myself the first printing uk edition of dragonflight bc its got such a pretty cover art too or do i wait and save up for a#rarer copy like one with all 3 og books in 1 volume beautifully bound in leather and gold foil design on the cover? i think it would have#whelan's art inside as interior illustration page(s)#yknow id really love to buy prints of some of my favorite book cover artwork too if that was a possibility#or like all the (good/interesting) pern book cover art as prints#theres this one that isnt the Best but it IS interesting by tony diterlizzi (however u spell his name) with a bug-eyed dragon design#which i am for some reason v fond of. i think its the colors and how alive the weird dragon looks andhow unique a take it is#he was told the dragons of pern are weird looking and have shorter front legs and compound eyes#and skin/hide not scales and a jorse or cowlike body with giraffe headknobs and went with it full throttle#but the dragon's body looks like a real - if weird/awkward - animal.#i love whelan's the most bc theyre the depictions i grew up w#but i like diterlizzi's too#and the purple cover on the uk variant with the half egg and the dragons flying above it in the sky is so fantastic too#theres a cover design with interesting dragon design but lessa is like. wearing almost nothing. on dragonback.#so id unfortunately Not want a print of it or that copy#hm
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the mixture of "body has always hurt and heart has always been a little too fast with exercise" and "quarantine which meant i didnt go anywhere or do anything" and "my friends are all in college so i dont have anyone to hang out with and i Hate being Outside Alone" and "mentally illness" and "its been a really hot summer and the heat makes me feel like im gonna keel over and die on the sidewalk" has really ravaged my body. but they dont know. i dont know how to start slow about it like the people say
#yes. i could go for a walk. the safest place to walk near me is a giant hill that everyone who's walked it with me says it sucks#the ground is uneven and steep which means my effed up calves get sooooo upset so much faster#also errmmm. cant wear my binder because ill Die but cant Not wear my binder bc im out in public and ill Die#and everytime i go “ok ill just walk a really little bit” i end up walking way more then a little bit#do not let the guy with a power-thru-the-pain-as-punishment mindset go for a walk he will push himself too much and then#badda bing badda boom. 3 days of terrible pain and exhaustion#they dont know ive never been athletic and its always hurt so getting thru gym did create such a mindset about it#but i cant say the pain is particularly motivating#in fact id say it does the opposite#WHATEVRR!!!!!!!!#when it stops being 90 degrees (ALMOST IN OCTOBER BTW) itll all be fine at least then i wont pass out#i just need 70 degrees#i need 70 degrees so bad#anyways. idk maybe itll get better when i get a car and i can drive to a park or something#ive grown up being told this area isnt safe + had some Very vivid nightmares sooo. as u can imagine#definitely dont have it in me to take full care of a dog and i would get No Help with it + we have a cat + we live in a small space#but imagine if i had a dog to walk. thatd probably be awesome#i wouldnt be alone#the only person im around is my dad dawg and he cant walk very much either
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