#i thought it was straight/looked straight for years esp when i was younger but that was bc of the weight of it.

[moe-broey]

ALSO. AS. AN ARTIST WHO HAS BEEN DRAWING HER FOR YEARS. I FEEL SO FUCKING DUMB THESE TUFTS OF HAIR AT HER BRAIDS/BEHIND THE EAR ARE MEANT TO MIMIC WINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAUUUGHGHGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[another-corpo-rat]

Hello… do you have any head canons for Hansen to share? I was disappointed to only have one conversation with him, and you seem like a good person to ask. >:3

Me? Having ideas about the warlord? Nooo never-

Anyways here’s a list of Thoughts that I hope are vaguely coherent, though warning: they’re a tad all over the place

He was raised by his granny on his father’s side. She was actually from Serbia, and had met his grandfather when he spent some time there then moved back to America with him. His grandfather was dead before he was born, and his mother’s parents weren’t present in his life. Grandma Hansen practically raised little Kurt, his parents were career-oriented – his father a colonel and his mother held some minor political role – so their time for him was limited.

She fostered his love for her home country as she shared stories of her own childhood while tucking him in to bed, or when he was still small enough to sit on her knee. One evening she told him a story of the bauk, and boy did that plant a mild fear of the dark him. He had to sleep with a nightlight for a few weeks after.  

His granny owned a dog when he was growing up, dear ol’ Bowie. She was a big loveable mutt who was already quite old when Kurt was born. She’d sleep under his crib when he was a baby, and would walk shakily alongside him as he was taking his first steps. Almost every photo of baby Kurt has Bowie in it, up until he was four years old and she passed.

He got to choose their next pet dog when he was eight, it was a mean looking bastard he named Titan. The Barghest symbol is based on him.

His gran died just before he got promoted to colonel. It broke his heart that she didn’t get to see it, because she was so excited to see him get the recognition he deserved. He took her ashes back to Serbia, promised that he’d visit when he could. He hasn’t been able to visit for a while.

His dad’s dead by the time Barghest is finding its feet, his mother gets removed from her position while Myers is simultaneously airing her very public condemning of her son’s actions. Nothing’s heard from her since. She’s probably dead too tbh.

Kurt’s lactose intolerant. He had to learn to like his coffee black, the cramps just weren’t worth it. (weakling)

Damn though can this man handle his drink. He can hold eye contact and not make a face as he downs vodka straight from the bottle. His men get a good laugh when he blames them and their shit for it. Tbh he’s only partially joking

Kurt when he hears the bullshit Yuri tries to pull:

His right arm is a recent cybernetic only gotten in the past year or two, meanwhile his left was standard militech-issued at the time he was serving. He suffered a relatively minor injury during training and took the opportunity to get an upgrade.

He’s rather wary of netrunners, esp more combat oriented ones. While he appreciates their effectiveness and utility, he always has an edge of caution around them and takes particular care to keep them either charmed or afraid, whatever keeps them from potentially acting against him.

During Operation: Midnight Storm, there was always this quiet wariness to Hansen and his men when an Arasaka AV would fly close to their position. Each time they waited in absolute silence, dreading to hear ‘Code: A.S’ over the comms Some of the younger, braver, stupid men were biting at the bit for it, Hansen wasn’t keen to be added to Arasaka’s graveyard by Smasher.

He’s a light sleeper. He doesn’t particularly struggle in getting to sleep, it’s just that a pin dropping can wake him

He’s quite Spartan in regards to his personal possessions – his room lacks a lot of personal touch, there’s really nothing that signifies it as Kurt’s beyond the small collection of knives and guns on display. If anything it could be mistaken as another storage room. Even the bed, while fucking massive, isn’t comfortable beyond measure, the mattress is stiff and the pillows memory foam.

He listens to the same music on repeat and has done for the past few years. I’m inflicting my personal tastes on him and saying his favs includes Biffy Clyro (x), Iron Maiden (x), and Black Sabbath (x)

Even though he could get actual real meat he still prefers the taste of synth-beef, it’s what he grew up knowing. Probably eats more pot noodles than he should, but he’s a busy man and they’re quick and filling

Because I think it’s funny and would rile Johnny up something fierce: Kurt…appreciates Silverhand’s actions back in ’23. He’s well aware Silverhand got the nuke from Militech and is a massive fucking hypocrite but hey, isn’t everyone? He wouldn’t be where he is now if Johnny didn’t get that ball a-rolling.

Barghest does have a militant structure, a very clear hierarchy of who’s in charge of who, but it’s a lot more casual? In how they speak with each other. Even with Kurt. He makes them see him as a person and not this mighty figurehead. He jokes around with recruits, might ruffle one’s hair in passing after knocking the shit outta them and giving them pointers on their footing. It’s partially real affection for the people under his command, and another part is simple manipulation – he wants to give them something real to tether their loyalty to, wants them to see him as a man, a terrifying, brutal bastard at times but nonetheless a man, and not the untouchable better-than-you titan the higher-ups at the NUSA always painted themselves as.

Speaking of brutality – it’s something I feel like the game didn’t really show of his. Even V seems quite flippant towards his threat of sending them back in body bags – Hansen’s hands were tied that particular night as he didn’t want to cause a scene in front of his guests. Bad for PR and all that. But the worst of his punishments make the corps look tame. He doesn’t immediately execute; he tortures until there’s nothing left of the person from fingernails to spirit. And then their bodies are just tossed in the disposal units. Though, public executions on his order aren’t all that uncommon either.

Not so much a headcanon as a thought: I genuinely don’t know what would have happened to Songbird had Kurt’s plans gone perfect. Maybe he might’ve let her fly away, let the little bird go on to the stars, keep his word and all that. But it’d be just as easy to make her disappear; she’s dangerous, a living weapon that’s he’s already got his use out of. A loose end who knows too much. I wouldn’t be surprised if the freedom he’d have given her was a bullet to the brain.

Knife play! Blood kink! Choking kink!! He also likes pulling hair a lot

He gets put on the back foot quite quickly if his partner takes charge, he’s used to being expected to take on that role, but he recovers and indulges quick enough

He runs hot, just an absolute radiator of a man who’d probably be great to cuddle with if NC wasn’t in a fucking desert.

He’s distressingly touch-starved and would probably sink into a proper hug like a warm bath.

While he is very much alive and well in Victoria’s canon, I do like to think that following his death certain information was transferred to NetWatch pertaining to Songbird and what Myers had her do beyond the Blackwall. Fucking her over even when he’s gone, a last little fuck you as he still somehow manages to get the last laugh.

[treesandwords]

For anyone who's into LOTR I am rereading (again) and took notes on the weirdest/most interesting bits this time:

There are/were other magic rings beside the main ones, which is part of what makes it so hard for other characters to believe that Bilbo's ring is actually The ring

At one point Tolkien jumps into the POV of a random fox walking by our protagonists' camp and then never brings it up again, no big deal

The ever-controversial Tom Bombadil has several other names we just never talk about? And the elves (at least in Rivendell) know about him and have known about him for many years now

They also consider giving him the ring but ultimately decide it would be a bad idea because "he'd probably just lose it"

A lot of what happens to Frodo after he's been stabbed by the Nazgul is less symptomatic of dark magic and more of just...having a severe shoulder injury?? Like "oh no my hand is numb and I'm weak and can't move it, must be the evils of Mordor" bro you probably just have nerve damage and blood loss

Bilbo straight up writes and sings a song about Elrond's dad in front of him and a bunch of other elves in Rivendell like. The audacity.

There's a river called "Wetwang" (yes it's called Nindalf in Elvish, but that's not important here)

Aragorn never tells anyone else that Boromir admitted to trying to take the ring, it's implied he even keeps it secret from Gandalf once he reappears

The "Two Towers" actually refers to Orthanc and Minas Morgal, not Orthanc and Barad-Dur as the films suggest

Eomer has met and possibly was friendly with Boromir

Also Aragorn, who doesn't look that old, straight up tells Eomer he'd met both his father and Theoden when they were younger and he just...has zero reaction?? Like if a guy who looked not much older than me wisely said "ah yes, I met your father and uncle long ago" in a way that implied they'd worked together as somewhat equals I'd be. A little uncertain to say the least.

Oh and he also hung out with Denethor back in the day

Eomer and Gimli have a running disagreement on whether or not Galadriel is real, and if so, how hot she is

This is common ish knowledge but there are elements of actual Old English embedded into Rohan's worldbuilding (esp. the names/ "Rohrric" language) and the whole location is genuinely just Tolkien's fantasy version of Anglo-Saxon Britain. He is very not subtle about it.

Saruman was FULLY RUNNING DRUGS BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN THE SHIRE AND ISENGARD

And this actually ends up contributing to a main plot in the third book

Instead of the Palantir falling out of Saruman's pocket when he dies like in the movie, Gandalf shoots a spell at Saruman and makes him run back inside Orthanc and Wormtongue chucks the Palantir down at him from the window in retaliation

I know the potato scene is *iconic* but let's be real the fact that Sam risks a fire and takes the time to make a full rabbit stew plus seasoning while they're on a dangerous secret mission to sneak into the Darkest Of Dark Lords' fortress is kind of hilarious

Minas Morgul is some serious eldritch horror cryptid shit

Denethor is honestly such drama queen. Like I know he's supposed to be a threatening and tragic character but holy shit.

Also the entire houses of healing segment is unintentionally comedic

Like between the old lady who runs the house giving absolutely zero fucks, and the herb master and Aragorn having a mini nerd off about what Athelas/Kingsfoil is called in different languages, and also Aragorn and Pippin roasting Merry - who has JUST woken up from an Evil Coma by the way - about not being able to find his weed

"This weed is better than I thought" -- actual quote by Ioreth re: kingsfoil

This is something I noticed that a lot of people don't mention - the "Evenstar" that Arwen gives Aragorn in the movies that's tied to her lifeforce/immortality isn't really a thing in the books. The closest to it is this green brooch that she gives him via Galadriel in FOTR - but the only necklace she gives to anyone is actually to Frodo, as a token that basically means if he ever wants to go to the Grey Havens (as he ultimately does) he'd essentially be taking her place because she isn't going

Ok the scouring of the Shire is pretty common knowledge but are we going to talk about Lotho Sackville-Baggins became Saruman's dealer and helped smuggle drugs pipeweed into Isengard (see I told you it would come back)

Also!! Lotho was possibly EATEN by Grima Wormtongue, or at the very least Saruman believes he was, yes this is an actual canon thing

Legit quote from ROTK: "Worm killed your Chief, poor little fellow, your nice little Boss. Didn't you, Worm? Stabbed him in his sleep, I believe. Buried him, I hope; though Worm has been very hungry lately[]"

Seriously what the fuck

Saruman is killed by Wormtongue (who is then shot by a bunch of Hobbit archers) and promptly....disintegrates?

Anyway if you're a casual fan who's only seen the movies, or if you haven't read the books in a while, I'd highly recommend.

[ganonfan1995]

totk spoilers

just thoughts on totk thus far

I keep seeing ppl say they've done away with the triforce in totk...but like....im 99% sure that's what the secret stones are supposed to be.

The triforce itself is comprised of the combined power of the royal 3.

But they also seem to work 1:1 like the triforce did in like LTTP.

Also there's 8 pieces which calls back to LoZ 2.

I'm not done the game yet, but totk seems to rehashing a LOT of older lore mixed with more recent lore. Notably, this game feels like its primarily touching on the first 3 games, plus OOT, with some of the better ideas from SS.

You see implications of who the gods truly are (apparently colonizing aliens who descended upon the land to mine its resources...which was something implied in SS quite blatantly???)

But it also adds context to the original 3 goddesses, implying that they had been ancient Zonai who posed as gods to the original inhabitants of Hyrule. Later becoming dragons and mythologized after thousands of years. (also me pogging that the light dragons stoney spines are the same colours as the goddess plumes!?!?!?? idk what that means but cool?????????)

I also don't know if they touch on this later, but it really seems like the Sheikah, esp the ancient Sheikah, were Hylians who specifically followed in the footsteps of the Zonai. I think this makes sense, and ties them to previous games where they were a tribe/clan/family of ninja who were closest to the gods. And since Zonai fancy themselves gods (or at least the ancient Hylians did, I don't think they were tbh) , this kind of clarifies that relationship/connection. Maybe they have a specific tie to Mineru, which would reiterate their bond to the royal family. But that might be over complicating things, since at least in botw they're just like, straight up ninja. But who knows, maybe not??

Also the young dumb idiot energy that Rauru brings is great. Big fan of young fucko who thinks he can be a good king but inherently fucks up because that's impossible, girl ur a monarch, is super interesting. wanna take him by the ears and look him dead in the eyes like, buddy you legit should not have taken those fucking stones out and just lived a quiet life in the woods...but then we'd be without a game. 🙄

I'm still collecting the slabs, the small snippets you get of both he and Sonia's relationship and characters are so fun. Sonia is also great, wish we got a bit more of her tho.

I'm really enjoying Ganondorf, he's a bit understated, but it's been interesting to see him younger than we ever have, right before the unification wars, head full of poetry and ambition. Why he green tho???????

Also really interesting how they've loosened the whole "hylia" stuff in favor for just "goddess"

Very much loving that Link is no longer a knight, but a swordsman who travels around helping people out. Total folklore/fairytale vibes, 10/10!! Also I feel like I'm connecting to him much more in this game, I really could never get behind the devout knight energy. He's a folk hero, he's here for the love of the game, and so am I!

Also mfw "Link...interesting...I look forward to meeting him." my man's been pining to meet ME for thousands of years, confirmed. I read homestuck, I know a black-rom relationship when I see one. (swooning)

[steelstreqq]

*About your Rustout AU*

So. You have this awesome A.U. and I require further information and to gush about it

First and foremost, compliments.

Your designs for Ranboo and Charlie are incredible?? They fit the characters really well, and they remain pretty unique, which I think is lovely. I genuinely adore Charlie's outfit. It really seems like something that fits him, and something that would fit this kind of world (even if you don't think of it at first). Ranboo's scarf/hood thing was a really creative way to incorporate his mask as well!

Your handle on proportions is incredible! Everything looks really nice, it's the type of art I want to put in a snow globe and vigorously shake around for three minutes straight and then stick on a mantle for the next five years of my life.

Your backstories are all really neat! If you had handed anybody else on Tumblr that same list of characters and the idea of nuclear fallout set in the 80s/90s I don't think that anybody would have come up with the same ideas. I want to specifically mention:

Ted - him as a serial killer is genuinely insane. I really don't think anyone else would have thought about that, it is such a cool concept. I don't see him often in fan content, so it's really neat to find him here, and I think this does him justice!

Wilbur - his backstory is a great set up to his character, and it seems really fleshed out. It fits both him and Fundy as characters, and I think it would be really interesting to see how this event impacted him and his future interactions with others.

Charlie - again, such a unique idea. And it fits. Former front man of a pop group stranded and separated from his friends while on a burger break? Pretty much insane but swears up and down that he is normal? Silly billy but also, like, clinically insane? Literally Charlie. The perfect backstory.

Quackity and Schlatt also sound like they're just. Crazy. I find their backstories kind of hysterical, like, 'We'll get married to look good and adopt this thirteen year old gremlin for the news but hey we're attached to him and now we just murdered everybody in the 1% bunker. huh.'

Absolute perfection, those two.

Anyway, you said that asks were welcome, so I have a few questions (if you have answers, or if you're willing to share).

Character stuff (pretty short, but I wanted to ask anyway):

Does Niki/Nihachu have any role in this?

What's Jack up to? Do you plan for him to be close with anybody in particular in this, or is he going to be something closer to a loner?

Do you have a specific age in mind for Fundy? Is he a younger or older teenager, or is it still up in the air?

General Questions:

What character design are you most proud of?

Which character backstory do you find most interesting, out of the backstories you have created?

Any specific plot points you want to share?

Thanks for reading through all this, I hope you liked the ask, because I adored your original post.

OMG THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IVE EVER GOTTEN A FOR REAL ASK AAAHH... thank u so much this means everything <3 both me and my partner (who helped a lot on this au) (@belovedstilldear) adore everything about this ask and it means a lot

esp about ted, cuz the serial killer thing was my partners idea :3

ANYWAYS, TO THE QUESTIONS

Does Niki/Nihachu have any role in this?

i didnt think about niki until you asked this and OH MY GOD IM SO MAD AT MYSELF FOR NOT CONSIDERING IT, im thinking for her she could run some sort of a hostel or sanctuary faction including such characters as bbh and condificition ^-^, she knows her way around a blade and isnt afraid to defend those she is protecting. honestly she probably goes out of her way to attack first, esp when wilbur and his motley crew roll around

What's Jack up to? Do you plan for him to be close with anybody in particular in this, or is he going to be something closer to a loner?

hes gonna be some sort of a raider or pirate type of character (courtesy of my partner AGAIN for this idea). a lone grifter who wanders from settlement to settlement, taking whats not his, and hes definitely not afraid to fight back if confronted. hes a little jackass

Do you have a specific age in mind for Fundy? Is he a younger or older teenager, or is it still up in the air?

deffo around 14-15ish, he really cant navigate the world like he thinks he can

What character design are you most proud of?

CHARLIE CHARLIE CHARLIE, i think i hit a sweet spot with his designs esp with the super big glove

other than him im super happy with ted and tubbo, esp with tubbo having schlatt merch :o

Which character backstory do you find most interesting, out of the backstories you have created?

the most interesting i feel is techno who i didnt go into too much detail with -- hes a college student whos majoring in mythology studies and english. when tommy goes missing, phil calls up his old buddy techno and asks if he can come along with him to look for tommy -- phil and techno essentially adopt these 'wandering criminal' identities and don these kickass gas masks that obscure their faces. ill totally go into their history more when i post their designs

Any specific plot points you want to share?

i dont wanna reveal too much cuz i might make some short comics about these fellers, but i do want there to be some major character death (ao3 style) along the line, it always hurts to lose a character in apocalypse fiction and we'll see where that goes :3

again thanks so much, this means everything to me -- both me and my partner (@belovedstilldear again) answered these on vc at like 1 am BUT THATS LIKE SUCH A VIBE

ALSO I NEED CHARACTERS TO ADD AS WELL SO IF ANYBODY HAS MORE CHARACTERS TO SUGGEST PLZZZ HAND THEM IN!!!

[bitoptimus]

just so it doesnt clog up shit

i'm bi but i'm very much still not out to anyone that isn't online freaks or very close friends so in my every day life i'm always putting up a front and not really being me. i've never been to pride stuff either cause as a cis amab person who looks like me i feel like i don't belong there, esp since i'm bi (blah blah blah biphobia shit) and... where i didn't really clue into myself until the last 5-6 years, i've never been around queer people really.

like i was when i was younger, but that's when i still would've said i'm straight and shit. like there's not many people here, province is starting to get on the "kill the queers" train as well and i'm in a tiny town so i feel even more... alone.

but i went on a coffee date yesterday before some birthday stuff with coworkers and they're genderqueer and.... it was great. we had talked the few days before hand, great convos, felt really good. did birthday stuff, drove home.

and i thought about it while driving home and just started crying. i kept trying to figure out why i was sobbing. was it because i had a good time and was just being emotional? am I being delusional? and i think what struck me most was that was my first queer experience. it's so mundane and boring, it was just getting together at a coffee place and talking but theyre queer and i am too..... we didn't talk about it, but i felt... real? i don't know if it was subconscious or whatever but when i thought about it i felt... safe... i felt seen. i felt like i didn't have to put up a front and be more masculine and the feeling of being queer and just existing.... i honestly... didn't think or know if that would ever happen but it did....

i don't feel like this will go further, their messages seem/feel... different since. maybe i'm over thinking it. they're a beautiful person, i could tell they're super creative and i admire them.

[hopefulstarfire]

Here fam have some background things to have for whenever I do get to the oc fics in terms of like Canon add-ons / changes bc fuck it why not go full out because ahahahaha. these will be shown in better detail with the prequel fic but also I'm slow, we're hitting the busy season at work and I just wanna blab about the oc stuff so this is a good way to set up background bc a lot of thought went into this bw me and my friends

Raphael is about 2-3 years younger than Cecelia and Maddox. When he was found on the island, Cecelia had maybe a couple months left alive.

The Guardians he had were originally part of a game / story that Max had set up for all of the kids in the family to play together, mostly as a means of keeping Cecelias spirits high. I'm also now realizing Eatos probably did in fact take inspiration from his mother and now I am Sad.

Max's parents had their own business and they weren't really as interested in Max or you know anything about their son. So he really did latch onto Cecelias family as his own. They also passed away on the Harmonia.

Mason, Kat and Cecelias father, was longtime friends with Alisters parents and they were considered to be members of the family as much as the Griffins were. However, everything that happened with them getting in the war torn country and then Alister becoming the lone survivor started after Miruko/Mikey was only 2.

Raphael is related through the family because his mother and Kat and Cecelias mother Evangeline were first cousins.

There is in fact a family tree and there have been discussions between me and Kohaku about all of the family bc we love them your honor.

The first Duel Monsters tournament happens when Kat is about 10-11 and its also low key the first time Seto ever sees her and one of his goals is to meet her because he's got a puppy crush. Then they meet a couple years later and it's just rivalry. Straight up ready to Duel whenever and wherever.

Evangeline and Gozaburo also ran in similar circles and thought highly of each other and if that doesn't tell you everything you needed to know about Kats mom idk what will. She didn't get to be around the Kaiba boys as much, though, usually they were too busy not really paying attention to their children (except Cecelia in Evies case), Kat and Cecelia didnt attend many parties (esp with Cecelias health and Kat doesn't like crowds and Mason didnt want them around a bunch of snooty assholes), and she only has a vague memory of a teal haired kid at a party or two but wouldn't be able to say "oh, yeah, Gozaburo had a kid before Seto and Mokuba".

The only reason they were even at the one Cecelia met Max at was because of family obligations for it.

The Big 5 are the literal worst. Just. Just all the time. Don't trust anything they do or say.

Especially not Nesbitt or Johnson.

I do also have their family dynamics figured out and also how Nesbitt spent years gaslighting Meredith in their affair about his relationship with his wife he tried to tell her he was divorcing. It's a whole mess.

Iris and River meet Seto and Mokuba about two months after they were adopted.

Seto takes over the company at the age of 13, Gozaburo still does the window thing and Seto transforms KaibaCorp into a successful gaming company.

Roland had been working for the family since probably Noa was alive but he was under strict rules to not discuss him after his death, if we go that route. He looked out for Seto and Mokuba and he and Meredith got close because they were both trying to find ways to help the brothers and give them the life they deserve and then they fell in love and are adorable.

Seto gets the Blue Eyes cards by whatever means he can, usually in feats of his own strength and has them all by the time he enters his first tournament three months after he becomes KCs president.

Death-T probably won't happen which sucks cause it's my favorite. But it's because Seto has people who would very much hold him back from doing something in that nature and offer him a bit more stability. But he's still. He's still very much Kaiba he still rips up the 4th Blue Eyes and gets smug and super competitive and makes bad calls and Iris wants to strangle him. But if he had tried to spend 8 billion yen to murder one (1) fucking teenager, Iris would have thrown him into the sun and River would have helped.

Nana and Yugi moved in with their grandparents when they were very young and their parents aren't really in the picture. Their grandma passed away when Nana was 15 and it was really sad for them all.

Nana once attempted the Puzzle but didn't get as attached and focused on it as her brother did and has been cheering him on.

Yugi solves the Puzzle when he's 15 or 16 and then the events of the manga play out.

The gang will be 17ish by the time Duelist Kingdom pans out or are turning 17/18.

Miho and Tomoya will be featured more prominently and as proper members to the gang and show up throughout the series with Joey, Tea, and Tristan. Ryou will also be getting more focus.

I'll have more when my brains not tired.

[storiesofsvu]

Two Month Flirtation

Erin Lindsay x fem!reader Warnings: Language, alcohol consumption, smut. thatesqcrush​ asked for some Erin Lindsay Xmas Smut but it didn’t make the cut before I got overwhelmed and her response was “good thing Valentine’s is coming up” so…enjoy some pwp for Det Lindsay. Also there’s basically no plot because I haven’t watched PD in months, esp ones with Erin…so…don’t hate me. Also I kinda just tagged random ppl for this one, lmk if you want to/don’t want to be tagged for Erin!

**

Erin was thankful for the fact that Molly’s didn’t decorate for Valentine’s Day, the fact that it was still just a regular bar for anyone who was trying to avoid the consumer prompted holiday. Slipping onto a stool at the bar she thanked Chris as he slid her a beer ‘on the house’ with a warm smile. As she sucked back a rather large gulp she glanced around the room, it was relatively empty aside from a handful of regulars. Her eyes swept down the wood of the bar and she spotted you, half empty glass of scotch in front of you while, unsurprisingly, you were bent over what looked like paperwork, eyes flitting back and fourth between it and your phone.

Her mind wandered back to the Chicago P.D Christmas party, to help save on budget most of the specialized units across the city had been shoveled together into one event. She’d briefly been introduced to you by Voight, you’d worked with him helping to form the Intelligence Unit before she came along. Now, you’d climbed through the ranks and were the Lieutenant over at Major Crimes running your own unit. It was impressive, you were younger than most Lieutenants, though she’d heard you’d graduated early, jumping straight into the academy while you pusued a criminology degree, and were quick to be pulled into UC ops.

Then there was New Year’s Eve, underneath the twinkling lights of Molly’s you’d joined a few friends in the bar, making sure to stop in to say Happy New Year to Hank. Erin had caught your eye that night, you’d chatted briefly, dare she say it, flirted even. You’d been mid conversation, about to offer to buy her a drink when your phone went off, with a frustrated groan, you left the bar to head down to a crime scene.

But tonight, tonight had potential to be different. Erin watched as you flipped through a couple of pages, appearing to double check some last minute changes before flipping the entire thing shut, shoving it back in your bag. You smiled as Chris poured you a fresh drink, laughing at something he said before he turned to another customer. As if you could feel eyes on you, your head turned toward Lindsay at the other end of the bar. Catching her eye she felt her cheeks flush, wishing she could’ve glanced away but she knew she was too late. You smirked, raising your glass to her with a wink, she shot a flustered smile back before returning the salute and swigging back her drink.

She was busy distracting herself with her phone, not noticing you were approaching until you had one arm looped around the back of her chair, the other resting on the bar.

“It appears you spend all your major holidays here.” You greeted with a grin.

“Lieutenant…hi..” she fumbled and you chuckled.

“You can call me y/n, I’m not your supervisor.”

“Right.” She took a swig of beer, “how are you?”

“Meh,” you shrugged, “it’s another day.”

“I feel you.” Erin drained her beer, your eyes watched the way her fingers delicately wrapped around the neck of the bottle as she placed it down.

“Listen, I’m not going to beat around the bush, we’ve been playing at this game for nearly two months already.” Her eyes darted up to your, a curious expression on her face, “I’m going to walk out those doors, I’ll wait in my car for three minutes for you to catch up if you’re interested in coming home with me. Otherwise, I’ll see ya around detective.”

**

Some people would have thought you were taking way too far of a risk with the blunt way you’d approached Erin, but you had more than enough confidence that after the last few parties, you knew what the outcome was going to be. And you weren’t surprised when she sped out of the door a few minutes later.

You were surprised once the door to your apartment had been swung shut and she pounced, the previous bashful personality she’d shown around you dissolving for one much more dominant, one you knew had been lingering just beneath the surface. Her lips met yours in a fiery kiss, hands wrapping around your waist, tugging you tightly to her. Her hands started to toy with the hem of your shirt, fingers tickling patterns along your bare skin in the same moment that her tongue traced across your lips, begging for entrance. You slipped your tongue out, dancing against hers, massaging into her mouth, groaning at the taste, hands curling into her hair, tugging at the roots, pulling a whine from the blonde.

A flurry of arms and clothing moved down the hallway while you tore fabric from each other’s frames, hands tugging the other back to you for heated kisses. Teeth nipped into lips, sinking into the tender skin of a neck, lips sucking at pulse points, smirking at the feeling of blood throbbing just under the skin. Breathy moans began to bounce off the walls as hands cupped at chests, pinching at nipples, eager to bring them to hardened peaks.

You wrapped an arm around Erin, backing to the bed until you collapsed down to sitting on it, shuffling backwards with her in your lap while you nipped at her jaw. You shifted so she was straddling your thigh, her pussy resting against yours, your other leg wrapping around her hip, tugging her to you, your hand cupping at her ass.

“Oh fuck…” she muttered as your hands guided her to roll against you, her clit dragging right against yours.

“Good girl.” You murmured, “just like that.”

Your hand encouraged her hips to roll again, gasping at the contact as she brushed right up on you. Erin’s head dropped back in a breathy groan, grinding against you harder this time, sparks racing through her body at the contact of the sensitive nub. Doing your best from your sitting position to thrust your hips up to meet hers your lips wrapped around her nipple, sucking the supple skin into your mouth. Tongue dancing and lapping at the pert nub, tracing patterns around it while your teeth gently scraped over it. Erin’s breathing picked up, panting out a litter or swears as the speed of her hips continued to increase.

The hand that was tangled into your hand shifted around to your chest, pushing you down into the bed, giving her more leverage to move her cunt against yours, chasing her own release. You swore at the friction, hips jolting up toward hers, your lips swiftly catching hers in another kiss. It was hot a breathy, full of gasps and moans as you whimpered practically into each other’s lungs.

With the new angle you were able to slip your hand around her hip, fingers easily sinking into her dripping pussy. Erin moaned at the sudden intrusion, burying her head into the crook of your neck as your hand began to fuck her in rhythm with her hips. Your fingers twisted, curling to search for the spongey sensitive spot within her fluttering walls. You felt your pussy clench around nothing as Erin ground heavily against your clit, her teeth sinking into your neck, beginning to suck and lick a heavy mark on your skin. Your free hand wrapped into her hair, pushing her deeper against your body, your own hips gyrating up to meet hers, your skin could feel the fire burning within you, building with each roll of your hips.

Your fingers pumped easily into her, scissoring, dragging across every inch of her walls, her moans getting louder with each thrust, even if they were muffled by your shoulder. Erin began to shudder against you, thighs clamping down around yours as she started to stutter, her pussy fluttering quicker and tighter around your fingers. You increased the pressure as you curled your fingers inside her, grinding your hips up against her clit the best you could while she yelped out, reaching her climax.

It only took a moment for her to take a shaky breath, body shivering as she pulled off you, ducking down quickly. You cried out in surprise as her fingers plunged into you with ease, lips wrapping around your clit. She could already feel how close you were from just having her body on you, from the way she’d scissored into your cunt. Groaning at the taste of your juices she lapped them up, circling around your clit with her tongue. Her fingers curled perfectly, hitting your gspot and you moaned loudly, your thighs trembling around her head. The coil burned deep within you, racing to the surface as she sucked heavily at your clit, pulling it into her mouth, teeth scraping against it just the perfect amount and you swore loudly, body shaking, jolting to a still as your orgasm shot through you.

The hand in her hair relaxed as you dropped down into the pillows, panting for breath, tugging Erin up next to you. Your arm wrapped around her, encouraging her to curl around your body, hand coming up to gently play with her hair. Her nails softly traced patterns in your bare skin, giving you both a comfortable silence to come back to earth. She hummed pleasantly at the feeling of your lips meeting the top of your head.

“Well that was worth the wait.” She teased, murmuring into the room. You chuckled, swatting at her ass.

“It was.” You tilted her chin up, “but I’m not waiting another two months of bullshit flirting at company parties to do it again.”

“Who said you had to wait at all?” Erin smirked, laughing at the way you yelped as she flipped you back over, the smile evident on both of your lips as she met yours in a slightly more gentle kiss this time.

It may have taken a while, but at least you were most definitely on the same page now, and more than ever willing to keep the fun going.

[ruby-whistler]

i made a list of the vibes of the hermits i watch, so you might want to check some of them out! this is just mostly jokes, but i thought all of the more “serious” propaganda was missing something, so have what truly makes hermitcraft worth it; the players’ unique styles!

will be back on my dsmp stuff asap but it’s the first day of season 8 and i would really appreciate if you checked them out through the links provided :]

Grian; [ episode one link ]

vibes of a 17 year old mcyter, is actually 27 and married

noo not my red jumpah!

chaotic capitalist

someone is making the server better through order? *starts another war* whoops, hand slipped :D

he built a- he rebuilt his entire megabase in survival, above a giant lake of lava, in the nether, on hard mode, upside down??

“watching as scar dies over and over in my trap is peak comedy and i’m tired of pretending it’s not” but it happens like 5 times i every season

video editing is very main-stream and good for short attention spans!

*sad montage over losing stuff he’ll get back in 15 minutes because he’s rich*

pesky birdd! great elytra flier! amazing builder! will tnt your house! poultrymannn!!

wholesome, chaos incarnate, talented architect

why won’t mumbo respond to my messages it’s been two weeks :[ (clingy)

doors???????????? your house has doors???? no doors for you good sir!

will laugh a lot at a lot of things, esp when he’s with his friends

genuinely just so fun to watch

Mumbo Jumbo; [ episode one link ]

perfect british accent

mustache man (warning: he has no mustache irl)

*fails ten businesses in a row* iskall please help

redstone is his element

“it’s actually quite simple” i like your funny words magic man, now can you repeat how in the hell you made a that fancy vault work-

filmographer?? i think? met up with grian irl

him and grian have a robot son named grumbot. that has nothing to do with the vibes but i had to mention him because he means a lot to me.

tries to stay out of wars and server politics until someone (grian) drags him into them

minigame maker, makes the hermits competitive and that is scary (also very funny) e. g. button, hermit challengesss!

“it’ll be fineee” *que shot of everything on fire behind him*

makes his base a living being and then all his neighbors end up feeding it instead of him

conspiracy theorist. bumbo baggins. the usual.

very entertaining videos that help you learn more about minecraft mechanics!

GoodTimesWithScar; [ episode one link ]

wheelchair creator with literally the best vibes

so wholesome i. he is so cool he makes me so happy :’D

*extremely cool announcer voice* ooooo hello there my fellow miners and crafters, good timeees with scar heree, and welcome backk to the wonderful world of hermits and crafting, and we’re flying over-

commentates everything extremely well

spends tenths of hours on builds within a single video and doesn’t bat an eye

lore for all of his builds! he builds these amazing bases to tell a story!

“i wanna see white flags! white flags, outside your base, by-“ wait no wrong anti-rebellion army leader

all videos have a clear objective

mostly building, but he loves hanging out/helping his friends!

loves disney movies! wants to go to space! :D

kind-hearted, always makes everyone else smile

can be chaotic but usually just tries to have fun and make sure everyone else has fun too

*flies into a tree on half a heart* wait what why did i die D:

scar. scar please eat. you’re going to die for the tenth time this video-

the non-chaotic capitalist, has extremely creative shop designs

a danger to himself, but also the kind of person you can’t be angry at for long

BdoubleO100; [ episode one link ]

the guitar music at the beginning of his videos brings a smile to my face, it just has such an immaculate mood

*camera pans over him as said music plays* ladies and gentlemen welcome to another episode of hoimycraffff

the way he talks is extremely endearing

one of the best builders on the server - probably best builder of interiors in existence

able to make a palette using any number of strange blocks and then make amazing builds using it

built a whole castle as a backdrop, then built an entire giant mountain for said castle

extremely sensitive to short jokes, usually gets pranked by others because his reactions are always so funny

his daughters show up from time to time in his room while he’s recording and it’s so cute

*has no way to see the sun but still knows it’s nighttime* gotta go schleep!

scar, pointing at him “this is why we can’t have nice sunsets”

(scar dies because of mobs every time bdubs isn’t on the server to sleep)

likes to be accomplice because he isn’t the one being made fun of (/lh)

*shoots himself in front of a confused grian because he thinks the guy wants his face again when he’s actually just looking for a netherportal*

is usually the underdog so it feels good when he wins

they’re all actually such great friends so it’s genuinely funny to watch

he himself is amazing at entertainment and just a very cool guy

ImpulseSV; [ episode one link ]

what’s going on everyone, my name is impulse and welcome back to hermitcraft!

always speaks with a smile in his voice

has a good dynamic with basically everyone

great co-worker and always helps out if he can

had his base turned pink during the swap, and instead of changing it back afterwards, he dyed his skin’s hair and clothing pink to match it

very cool and original building style!

makes a lot of farms and sells what he gets in his few shops

makes money to be able to do more stuff and make more farms

blows up most his base ever so often to rebuild parts. you know, like a normal person does in minecraft survival.

the grind is never over

the guy who always gets all of the work done on the school project and proceeds to be chill about it

always has very cool side-projects going on and puts his heart into all of them

pog timelapses!!

Rendog; [ episode one link ]

*short, funny scene from the video at the beginning slowly fades out into great music

dogs howling as the half-dog half-cog logo comes up*

greetiiings cyberdogs and citizens of the interbubs! this is ren diggity dawg coming atcha, in another minecraft episodes varuuummm the hermit. craft. server. (hey!)

we’re kicking things off today my friends, from the- *location name on screen*

that intro gets me hyped every time

he’s a furry who talks in bro language it’s great i swear - very atypical but fun

he transformed an entire biome into a star wars planet for his base

his building skills and dedication are incredible

horny (just a little bit)

the only person who cared about mycelium in the whole rebellion

does a lot of roleplay-themed stuff and mysteries to be solved

“b-dubba-dubs one hundred”

extremely upbeat & sweet guy

adds -age after everything “biddage” “flyage” to make it sound Cooler

amazingly positive always and funny as hell

mcc winner!! wooooooooo :D

always tries to be where stuff is happening and interact with people

very entertaining editing style

Iskall85; [ episode one link ]

drives joke into the mud and then picks them up and does it again which is funny

starts videos with one-off bits

iskallman!!! the superhero literally no one needed and yet there he is

only has one (1) braincell when with mumbo

they both do and they’re hilarious together every time

like when they laughed at squeaky noises for ten minutes straight. guys please you’re adult men

bernie the leaf master

omega (something) of doom!!

encourages gambling (in a videogame)

he has so many jokes he keeps using i can’t possibly fit them all in here

basically a wildcard

i have no idea what he’s doing this season

i have no idea what he’s doing ever actually

tame chaos, confusing to the point when it’s funny again

really great builder as well!

mostly for younger audiences but his videos are a good watch in general

feel free to send asks about hc! i’m already loosely involved in hermitblr but yeah, my dsmp followers aren’t immune :] /lh /j

[redrobin-detective]

Ben 10 lore that exists in my heart regardless of canon

- Ben’s personality in his mid-late teens is a mix of his Alien Force and Omniverse self. On the surface, he’s very cheerful and kind even if he is a bit of arrogant showoff. He makes jokes and plays around and acts as if he isn’t bothered by the things in his life. Those who know him best understand a good portion of his outward confidence and cockiness is just a facade to cover up his insecurities and to project the ideal, effortless hero. While sometimes seen as immature, most beings know Ben 10 means business as he takes his unofficial job and people’s safety very seriously. He’s clever, adaptable, charismatic and empathetic which makes him a formidable opponent and a loyal friend. Doesn’t open up easily but if you get to him, he become so dearly attached. 

- Drinks smoothies so much for several reasons. Comfort food go brrr, reminds him of the good easy times with him Gwen and Kev. It’s also a light but generally nutritous food to give him energy for heroing. Anything too heavy and he’ll be puking (both from physical and emotional stress). Though he jokes about his mom’s health foods, his are a crazy concoction of add in proteins and vitamins/minerals bc he knows he’ll out and out collapse without it. (Still has on occasion bc boy still doesn’t eat right/enough)

- While Fame is exciting for him at first he soon begins to detest it. Not the fans, no, he can’t bring himself to hate the people who look up to him. But he hates the constant attention, that he can’t walk outside without being mobbed. the only place he feels safe is his hometown where most people are so used to him and his weirdness that they don’t react much anymore. Takes to wearing a cape and face shield when going out anywhere so he can actually get things done without being recognized and mobbed.

- Part of the reason Bellwood isn’t concerned with Ben is partially because ben’s been weird and alien for as long as they can remember but also many don’t realize how famous/powerful he is. Yeah that’s just Ben Tennyson over there, sometimes he turns into funny creatures- wait what do you MEAN he’s the savior of the universe?? He cried over a spilled smoothie the other day.

- Does mostly online schooling by the time he’s 15. At first he tries to do half day things to maintain something of a normal life but it quickly becomes overwhelming and dangerous him/the school. Finishes his GED early but the Plumbers and Azmuth make him take additional college level and alien courses to prepare him for his future role. Ben gripes but really does love learning all these things, especially on his terms (ADHD and stress + the public school system do not always go hand in hand). He’s a quick learner when he deems the information important and is made accessible to his learning needs.

- Ben definitely has ADHD speaking of which, it was nearly uncontrollable as a child bc his free-spirited parents didn’t believe in medicating. Ben convinced them he needed it and after some trial and error, found meds that worked. As he became more involved in heroics/growing up he had to change his medicine regimen (resulting in him being a bit more off the rails in OV) and needed antidepressants and therapy to manage it better. As an adult he has a whole litany of coping mechanisms (good and bad yes) and regularly checks in with his therapist and doctors to keep things under control. 

- Has a complicated relationship with his necrofriggian children. Considers himself their mother and worries after them. They too feel a connection to their parent despite this being unusual for their species. A few visit (some more than others) while they grow while others maintain distance. Ben never breathes a word of them to the media for fear of them being targeted. Still he keeps an eye on them and ensures all 14 mature to adulthood (another rarity for the species). Checks in every now and again with the ones who don’t want to see him and those that do. Two join the Plumbers and Ben is both proud and worried. His youngest becomes partners with Rook Ben.

- Just in general loves kids, they’re his favorite fans and while he’ll grumble at pushy adult fans he always smiles and kneels down for the little ones. Not so secretly wanted to have children of his own but knew it was a risk overall and used a lot of that energy with mentoring and teaching. Eventually had Kenny later in life (late 30s-40s) and was over the moon, becoming such a loving and doing parent or as much as he could be with his hectic schedule. 

- Omnitrix can’t come off, never has at any point since it first latched onto Ben’s arm. Azmuth tried and failed to get the device off, doesn’t let Ben know for many years as he feared the consequences. The watch loves and protects Ben even beyond it’s programming making him much more durable to damage and releasing energy charges when he’s threatened. Not even removing Ben’s arm would separate them. They’re stuck for life.

- Ben does have Anodite heritage but the Omnitrix actively suppresses it and uses the built up energy to power the transformations which is why ben is mostly unaffected by what should cause a massive energy drain on him. Theoretically if Ben learned to harness and safely use his Mana at an early age like Gwen he would have been fine but letting it build up without safe outlet meant activation would have killed him. Omnitrix Ben, however, went his whole life not knowing of his latent abilities and how the watch saved his life.

- Ben’s eyes get more green and glowy as time passes from the Omnitrix. At first they think its a trick of the light but by the time he’s an adult his eyes are pretty much glow in the dark. His veins light up too after long stretches of using the Omnitrix. Its vaguely unsettling to people who aren’t used to Ben.

- Max and the Earth Plumbers work so, so hard to keep teen Ben on Earth when half the universe is blowing up their comm lines asking for The Ben 10 to help with whatever problem of the day. Ben himself doesn’t quite understand when he’s younger the prestige and expectations on his shoulders. Max throws up a million and one roadblocks so Ben can live as normal a life as possible while he still can. Still, while doing that he Still overloads Ben with expectations and responsibilities on earth and beyond. He becomes a soldier again with Ben as their greatest weapon. He never forgave himself of losing sight of his grandson underneath the hero esp after Ben’s breakdown. 

- Rook partnership with Ben ends not long after Omniverse with his promotion to Magister. Ben tries to play it cool but the thought of another loved one/teammate leaving his tears him apart. Max revealing that Ben most likely wouldn’t get a new Plumber assigned partner since he’s almost an adult and won’t need it and Rook accidentally missing their last smoothie run due to a scheduling mishap causes Ben to snap and have the nervous breakdown that had been building for almost a decade. He completely loses it for a little while and needs to take an extended leave of absence from school and heroics that lasts about a year. Spends time recovering both on Earth and Galvan Prime, does some diplomatic training, learns about aliens, actually confronts the stress and loneliness of his life. He comes out the other side stronger but still fragile and exhausted.

- Ben’s above mentioned breakdown brings him closer to all his friends who didn’t quite realize the extent of Ben’s burden. Rook had been under the impression Ben didn’t like him all that much so the knowledge that his departure was the final straw for friend/hero’s collapse was shocking. Ben and Azmuth also become closer, the Galvan becoming fiercely protective of the boy seeing as his Earth family didn’t do well to keep him safe. It takes years for him to get over his anger at Max for putting so much on his grandchild. Ben makes more friends, in and out of the hero business, finally gets a therapist and gets some of his burdens eased a bit. It’s not a sure fire fix and Ben has several smaller breakdowns the rest of his life but its something.

- Azmuth was straight up suicidal before he met Ben for the first time. Ben gave him back hope for the universe and his ability to create items for peace not weapons. The boy infuriates him, frightens him, frustrates him but Azmuth cannot deny in his heart of hearts that he loves Ben dearly. He’s very upset at Ben’s breakdown and doesn’t know how to handle the worst of the initail outbursts. Azmuth talks Ben down from a suicide attempt. He reaches out to Ben that he Too felt overwhelmed by pressure, thought himself only good for war. Ben’s arrival in his life saved him and now he will do the same for Ben. It’s the first positive step forward in Ben’s recovery.

- For no other reason than I like it, Azmuth primarily refers to Ben as Benjamin (mostly to annoy the kid but he likes the way it sounds too) and Ben in softer, more serious moments. 

- Professor Paradox continues to flit in and out of Ben’s life. He says its because Ben is the most equipped to handle universal peril (true) but he’s also just very fond of the boy. Ben, existing in so many forms and having such importance also exists a beat outside of normal reality which Paradox identifies with. Ben is naturally attuned to time related problems because of this (instantly IDing Spanner as from the future before being told later deducing him to be his unborn son). Plus Ben named him, way back when. He’s just drawn to Ben.

- Adult Ben, while being seen as an impressively skilled fighter and champion, really has his strength as a universal diplomat of sorts. Based out of Earth, he helps mediate and defuse conflicts, advocate against tyranny and overall preserve peace and balance. He’s not perfect, he makes mistakes and sometimes is forced to become violent (and yes kill) but overall is regarded as a peacekeeper, something younger ben simply couldn’t understand. 

- Gwen gets her degree and primarily does work with advocacy and teaching about magic/alien culture. While she and Ben are still close, there’s a bit of a frustrated divide in that she isn’t helping him share the burden of the universe. Gwen never wanted to be a hero and has enough worth to not shackle herself to a job that’ll burn her out. Ben loves heroing but gives too much of himself away trying to fix everything. They get into screaming arguments that it wouldn’t be so bad out there if she just helped him but she refuses to budge and says he shouldn’t make himself do so much. They always make up and thy still are each other’s closest relationships.

- Ben marries Kai in a political move, Kai is Asexual and Ben Aromantic. They didn’t love each other but they got on well enough and Ben was really feeling the stress of carrying the hero burden so Kai also being involved made him feel like he wasn’t alone. Both were also so tired of the universe constantly asking about their love life and said ‘fuck it we’re married leave us alone’. Gwen was always mad about it feeling Ben deserved better but the two of them were happy with it. They had separate rooms, mostly separate lives but they became strong friends and supports with their strictly platonic marriage. They had Ken via Invitro in an incubator and were loving if extremely busy parents. 

- Also from the moment he appeared, Ben knew that Spanner was his future son, Kenny. He played ignorant and then was kind of deliberately teasing him in future encounters. He knew the rules of time and didn’t want to disrupt things further even if he was angry and worried as heck about why Ken felt the need to time travel. When future Ben catches up in the timeline, Kenny gets SUCH a lecture. 

- Ben isn’t quite immortal but he’s also not entirely human anymore either. The Omnitrix not only keeps him safe from most harm but it lightens the effect of aging. Ben 10 is active many, many years when most humans would have been forced to retire. He’s not sure how long the watch will keep him alive and it terrifies him. Gwen too is functionally immortal however she ages like a normal human, then when her natural death came, shed her skin and became a fulltime Anodite. So in the end, it was her and Ben together wondering which of them will die first. Gwen has trouble retaining her humanity as pure energy and swears she’ll let herself fizzle out when Ben goes. When that’ll be however...

[teawiththegods]

Going to your discussion of Hades and Zeus and mythology. It really rankles me that people turned Persephone into a #girlboss and rewrite the story so she chooses to go to the underworld. I understand for some it’s a way to justify enjoying Hades and Persephone as a couple. Even with that understanding, I still don’t like it. Guess what? You don’t have to have a rewritten, morally correct story to validate your enjoyment of something. Especially when it comes to the Theoi. Idk part of me just doesn’t really understand the struggle of that. Like why is it so difficult to take the myths the way they are, accept them, examine them yes, but still accept the myths in their entirety. Maybe it’s all the new reimaginings and popularity of LO in particular that has my feathers ruffled but. It makes me want to go deeper into privacy about worshipping Hades and Persephone. - scytheandseed

You don’t have to have a rewritten, morally correct story to validate your enjoyment of something.

I think you hit the nail on the head with that line. Personally I think this is at least one of the core problems. I’ve noticed this issue with media and storytelling in general even outside of Greek Mythology. People, especially the younger crowd, have an aversion to liking morally ambiguous or just straight up immoral characters. They often go to great lengths to either again absolve the character of their sins or put the blame on another character (sound familiar??). This is why redemption arcs are so popular nowadays. People want their favorite character to receive the Zuko treatment believing it’ll give them permission to like the character. But stories don’t work that way and neither do fully fleshed out real characters. Not everyone is deserving of a redemption arc nor do they need one. As someone who LOVES villains (esp badass women who want nothing more than to watch the world burn) I’m quite happy with them the way that they are thank you very much!

But it all def echoes back to the good vs. evil rhetoric of Christianity. It’s why a lot of people have a hard time with The Iliad. They can’t wrap their heads around the idea that there IS NO good guy or bad guy. They are all just dumb guys fighting their dumb war. (Yes, it hurts me to say but Patroclus and Hector are included 😢). But so often you see Agamemnon framed as the “evil” one and Achilles as the “good” one despite the fact that Achilles did PLENTY of awful things. ITS WAR! They all do awful things but you know only one of them was gay and pretty so clearly he’s absolved of his sins. Agamemnon, did you try being gay and pretty?? Maybe if you were gay and pretty everyone would look the other way with Iphigenia like they did with Briseis. Or how about getting a dog? Idk something about a guy with a dog makes people want to forget about all your misdeeds. Just a suggestion. Still gonna cheer when your wife murders you in the bathtub tho so maybe it doesn’t really matter 🤷🏻‍♀️

Writing all that sarcasm made me think how another issue is the romanticizing of these relationships. Like I understand it more when it comes to Achilles and Patroclus considering how lacking we🌈 are of stories about us and our love however removing or ignoring unsavory aspects of Achilles (and even Patroclus bc he WAS a participant in all of this) is a complete disservice to him as a character and the story as a whole. You have to take the bad with the good, babes. The same goes for Hades. If you’re gonna take the myth literally than you have to accept that your homeboy saw a 12 year old girl thought “yeah gotta have that”, asked Big Poppa for permission, and then took her once he got it without any care or concern for Persephone or Demeter’s feelings. That’s just the reality. I don’t make the news I just report it!

Psssst…the solution is to not take the myths literally!!

Anyway, lots babbling from me (I blame the Covid tho it’s likely not the Covid 🤣) and I didn’t even touch on the main part of your ask which is about the portrayal of Persephone. I completely agree! Honestly I’ve read soooooo many of these feminist retellings of the myths and while I understand and support the efforts, they really just all feel the same. Like every character is the same regardless of which character is being portrayed. And they all just follow the same formula and I’m just bored.

That’s honestly how I feel with ALL retellings and even media that features the gods. Bored. So damn bored.

[trashexplorer]

BLCD Review: Perfect Propose

Title: Perfect Propose (パーフェクトプロポーズ)

Author/Artist: Tsurukame Mayo

Release Date: 2021/05/28

Cast:

Maeno Tomoaki x Masuda Toshiki

Kanbara Daichi

Kubota Hikari

Sakuraba Arisa

Tsuyuzaki Wataru

Katou Wataru

Oonishi Kousuke

Sondo

Fumitake Ishigoro

Synopsis:

Between his intense workload and asshole boss, salaryman Hirokuni is burnt out! He’s on the edge of a nervous breakdown when Kai, an childhood friend he used to look after, comes to visit for the first time in 12 years. Kai has recently become homeless, so Hirokuni reluctantly lets him move in.

Kai quickly confesses that he is gay, and Hirokuni worries that his chastity might be in danger! But then Kai gets to work, serving up delicious home-cooked food for breakfast, lunch and dinner…

Isn’t it kind of nice to be taken care of for once…?

The domestic story of a handsome, cool guy with great housekeeping skills and a lonely, burned out salaryman!

Review Proper

I remember that this was quite popular way back when it was still ongoing, but I never read it for some reason (neither had anyone in my circle wtf). The romance aspect of it all is as generic as it can get. I mean, there’s literally so many things that come to mind when you say “childhood friends with dubcon and the bottom’s an annoying tsundere”, ya know? Hello, Sakuraga Mei and Nekota Yonezou. I do, however, need to admit that I was intrigued with how Mayo employed the issue of black companies here. No matter how bs the start of their cohabitation was, there were so many layers to both of their problems, adding to the realism of it all. To all my lovelies who are reading this review and are stuck in the same situations, all the best to you. 

I won’t be talking much about the plot  ‘cause most of y’all already know what went down here, so I’m gonna jump straight into the technicalities now.

FINALLY! MASSUU REDEMPTION!

I mean, he did great in that Momose An shitstorm, but it’s almost been a year since I’ve heard him bottom. AND I LOVED THIS PERFORMANCE OF HIS!!! I absolutely adored Massuu’s performance as Red Riot in BnHA and was low-key hoping that he’d use that tone in a BLCD, but I’ve never heard it in the BLCDs of his owned so far. Looking at Hirokuni, I thought that Massuu would use something similar to his calm and brooding Ao-senpai tone, but he came at me with his Red Riot on the get go! It took a little getting used to, but his Red Riot Hirokuni really grew on me. I suddenly got my dream come true, y’all. *wipes tear*

As for Mr. Maeno,

I love how Massuu and Maeno were in back-to-back Momose An dumpster fires and redeemed themselves here. I call this a Momose An cleanse. 👍I also love how I just heard Kawahara in a younger tone before this and now I have a younger Maeno! MY GOD CHESK OF SEPTEMBER 2021! ARE YOU SOME SORT OF GENIUS??? Anyway, like all the seiyuus mentioned in this paragraph, Maeno also did phenomenal. UGH. HE SOUNDS LIKE ULTIMATE BOYFRIEND MATERIAL HERE ESP AFTER HE WENT DOMESTIC!!! Y’ALL GOTTA HEAR HIS BOYISH LAUGH GOODBYE

Me calling to check if there are any spare Maenos for sale:

We had great pacing, voice work, and it was true to the manga overall. It had some addends, but nothing really major. I have to confess that I read the first chapters from Yuutosei because futekiya’s translation was annoying in some parts ‘cause they structure their sentences poorly sometimes and like using idioms randomly. I mean, how does a plain “You’re drunk, aren’t you?” and “I am not!” translate into: 

We love to see it. Y’all are also missing an (as) before sober. Those two aren’t even common in American English. 

And let’s not forget their preview:

vs the original:

As you can see, Kai’s supposed to only be in monotone during the whole series, so there are no exclamation points in the raws. And why’d they turn Hirokuni into an asshole??? I mean, “ひでーな” is literally “You’re so cruel/That’s so mean” in English, but I chose “ouch” ‘cause it needs to be short and “meanie” sounds weird for Kai. Anyway, Hirokuni’s a tsundere, but he’s definitely not an asshole! Don’t copystrike me, Christopher.

Uhh, please still support the official locali translation, though. Thank god I can understand Japanese. For more cohabitation when they’s, I would recommend the two BLCDs I previously reviewed in this log, Kare no Iru Seikatsu and Shinkonsan. Both are licensed now too, so support, support!

[fkevin073]

okay, so we all wished we had gotten more content of ashley as adult nick, so if there had been like a deleted scene or just one extra scene, what would you have liked to have seen? like, what kind of scene would have given you some real insight into this guy? lol

(this question is actually really hard bc we couldn't really see much of nick since the twist that he was evil had to be protected but let's pretend that doesn't matter lol)

okay omg this is such a good question I will proceed with an essay because I thought about this for far too long than I should have: 

before we get to adult Nick, I want to talk about scenes I wished we saw in ‘78 with Ted, because I still have a lot of questions about younger Nick: 

1. interactions with Nick and the other counsellors (beside Kurt). I think a big question we all have is why he said Tommy’s name. Like he knew Tommy, obviously, so seeing them interact (esp Nick with Cindy, maybe her giving him a bit of the side eye because she caught him staring at Ziggy) would have added an interesting dynamic to his character, esp with what we know later

2. nick visiting Ziggy in the hospital after Nightwing, and seeing her tell him to fuck off and how he tries to justify himself for not backing her up. I don’t have much reason for that scene other than it’s angsty and I thought Ted/Sadie had really good chemistry. just for the angst (and also seeing how Nick works after the massacre would have been cool)

okay, now onto Ashley and adult Nick. This was a lot harder to come up with: 

1. I just watched 1666 recently, and it never made sense to me why Nick went straight to the site of Sarah Fier’s body. Did he just see the kids there on his way to Ziggy’s and stopped? did he know her body was there and was ready to kill them? anyway, seeing Nick go to Ziggy’s first and seeing them interact would have been cool. Like we know nick slipped Ziggy that note so he could weasel his way back into her life, so seeing him interact with her and act contrite/heroic before going to “help” the kids would have been cool. I also just think Ashley/Gillian should have had more scenes together (also, how did he know where she lived? like they must have had some kind of interaction in the intervening years. even if Ziggy stayed in her childhood home and never moved at all, how would he know?)

2. scenes with adult nick and will. I love how we all agree that Nick just thinks Will is an idiot. Like he does not care for his brother at all. But it would have been interesting to see Nick navigate the Sunnyvale social setting and have that comparison with adult Nick and how young Nick acted with Ziggy, just to emphasize how he became everything he didn’t want to be when he was a kid. Ashley had a interview where he said that Nick is just a really lonely, miserable guy, so seeing Nick just not giving a fuck about Sunnyvale and idiotic business men would have been cool

3. I think another interesting point would have been the kids realizing that the local boy who saved C. Berman was Nick and have them confront him about witnessing a massacre in 1994 part one. Like a) I think that would have caught him off guard and b) I think that was probably the worst night of Nick’s life (which obviously doesn’t mean shit considering it's all his fault) but seeing how Nick responds to the reminder that he saved Ziggy (and only Ziggy) would have been interesting

4. more of a confrontation with Nick and Ziggy in the final showdown. Ashley’s expressions as he walks through the mall before finally reaching Ziggy convey so much regret, tenderness and apprehension after looking so utterly evil and ready to kill. I love that scene, but I wish more had been said. Like Nick trying to justify himself and Ziggy just asking what the fuck happened to you or you betrayed me and nick just being his idiotic self like Ziggy I love you or something.

this is all I can think of for now! I’d love to hear what you all think! 

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Hiiii!!! 💫💕🌸🥳

Can I bother with a question... I was (re)watching that zhang qiling edit (not today) - 'cause it's so cool, btw- and I wondered if Reboot Xiaoge’s your favourite one...? And if you're up to answering, what do you think about the other adaptations? Especially (our small bean) xiao yuliang's interpretation of xiaoge?

🤗🌺💐🐰💕

Hey, my precious patootie hehe ILY it always makes me very happy knowing that you rewatch my vids <3

lol dang it, I was kinda hoping to avoid this question, just because I feel like I'd find it hella hard to explain some things, but I'll try my best and hopefully it'll make some sense xD

I'll start from afar bc I wanna try to explain my reasonings, since I don't want to go without arguments into such highly debated question lolz. I talked about this a bit in my previous asks somewhere, but not broadly as to why that one guy hit all the right spots.

So throughout the books Wu Xie always does this wonderful thing, where he very tangibly describes the feeling he gets when Xiaoge is near, I mean like the aura around him. And he always somehow does it so colorful, that this mix of safety, assurance, calmness, composure and some things I can't quite put into one noun, that he brings to him, I think everyone who've read the books can recognize as this almost magical "Xiaoge feeling". It's not just the way he acts in some dangerous situations or smth like that. It's just everything. You either have it or you don't. And here goes my first argument... to me none of them, except for Huang Junjie and Yuliang have it.

I mean it's not even the obvious stuff, it's like the way they move during the action scenes, the way they even stand and hold themselves, the way they touch Wu Xie, the tone of their voices (both of which are like soothing as fuck), little things you'd think wouldn't matter, but when you watch it and all the puzzle pieces are together, you're like... fuck yeah, thats him.

Also not really that weighty of a point, but to me there's always a joy to see that the actor who plays the character not only gets what's he's playing, but also loves it, bc it's always seen on screen. Usually when some asked about the character they play and what they have in common for example they answer with obvious things like if some character is introverted they're like "well I also don't talk very much" or smth like that, you know what I mean. When I was watching interviews of Yuliang and Huang Junjie I was just smiling so much, bc they've said such things that made me go "yeah, Qiling is safe in their hands".

In Reboot case working in such close proximity with the author definitely also played a huge role here. Bc it kinda gets complicated in some aspects since the books are written from Wu Xie's point of view and you can't only base your picture on his perspective, just bc it's coming from a person who after being basically told "you're my whole world" goes "I'm just a person he randomly passes by in his long life" in his thoughts. Not only he's utterly clueless and dumb when it comes to all this, that he wouldn't notice the way Qiling looks at him and other things, its also not that kind of book, that would go "I suddenly caught poker face looking at me like I'm his whole existence" (and I honestly don't want it to be that book lmao). So you have to take into the account here stuff like what author says to get the whole picture, bc if you look at that from the point of Qiling's view for example, this shit takes a whole wild turn. So I really loved that in UN and Reboot ways of showing Qiling's feelings were well thought out and fit the timeline.

Bc it also works both ways, when it comes to other adaptations. Like Qiling is very and I mean ETREMELY hard to win over. We all know that it was a very long process of gaining his trust and even longer for him to fall for Wu Xie to the point of him being his everything. So what I want in those interpretations is for them to get at which point of their relationships what Xiaoge's behavior makes sense. I do not need any fanservice if it ruins the character, I'll just hate it. The thing that their feelings didn't come out of nowhere is what I LOVE about this ship, bc I'm not the kind of person who believes in "we love for nothing" thing and love at first sight thing (only "got hots for each other" at first sight), bc thats bull. Wu Xie became his everything after a long LONG process of getting to know each other. At the beginning tho he was the same stranger to him as everyone else. So what Reboot Qiling feels for Wu Xie is not what UN's Qiling feels for Wu Xie yet and what UN's Qiling feels for Wu Xie is not what Lost Tomb's Qiling feels for Wu Xie (which at that point was nothing). And I feel like not everyone gets the fact that you can totally wreck the character if you make him behave not the way he behaved in that particular time. Like for example, if someone would make a MDZS adaptation where at the very beginning of their relationships LZ treats WWX the way he treated him after the reincarnation just because "who cares, it's still LZ", that would be dumb af, see what I mean. So Xiaoge having a weakness for Wu Xie in part one is automatically not a Xiaoge to me, bc a huge part of his character and the thing NPSS speaks a lot about is just how IMPOSSIBLE it is for someone to catch his attention and how long it took Wu Xie to get there. So let's just say to me UN and Reboot Qilings for the first time didn't feel like some mashup or character summary/parody, they were Qilings the way they are supposed to be in that part of the story, bc it was the only times someone actually bothered to coordinate it.

Now as to why I prefer one to another. Xiaoge has this thing... the way he holds himself with other people, that is sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally suppressing.

Like everyone knows that if you're a passerby, Qiling genuinely doesn't fucking care and would in fact be pretty harsh about it in terms of treating people like they do not deserve their attention. He won't be like "please, don't bother me", he simply ignored them like an empty space. He is also like that with acquaintances who in his opinion do not deserve his respect like that girl who went hysterical, bc she was upset that he was the only one who wasn't drooling on her like all other men on the crew, Chen Wenjin, Wu Xie's uncles and etc. He's not openly disrespectful unless they trigger him in some way (usually by trying to act superior or later on for not treating Wu Xie right), but if they do, he will in fact remind them their place in sometimes a very rude way, at times humiliating them in front of ppl bc he looks younger than them and talking starts.

He's always doing things on his own terms and hates being told what to do. Like he legit scared Chen Wenjin just with a look and the tone of his voice when he said "let go", when she tried to command him on the mission and grabbed him trying to lecture him about what he should or shouldn't do. That's why Wu Erbai didn't even try anything like this and let him do whatever he needed to do and equally lead the mission in Reboot. And why the scene where Wu Xie 'commands' "Xiaoge, come back" and he immediately listens holds another special place in my heart. Bc he NEVER and I mean NEVER allows such things to ANYONE.

So here I came to a point of why despite loving them both dearly, my favorite Xiaoge is Huang Junjie.

I have this dissonance with Yuliang's version when to me in many scenes it felt like he and Wu Xie are the same age. Like if he was Xiaoge, but in his 20s. In his interactions with Chen Wenjin the dynamics was turned upside down, with him being okay with her telling him what to do and just in general the way she behaved with him. Same as like I didn't always quite believe him to be on par with older generation or even Pangzi, it just felt like he was truly younger than them. Some scenes that I do find extremely cute just don't fit book Xiaoge at all, I'm talking about some moments like his face when Wu Xie gave him food, or him pouting and many things he's done, when you were going "uwu he's a baby". He just never gives me this feeling in the books ever, not just bc he's 100 years old, but sad fact here.. bc he's simply unable to behave that way. Like in the books you'll desperately want to shower him with love, but he's just... I can't quite explain, it's very sad.

I guess it's just you know these characters, who are like hundreds years old, but look like they're 18? I think you have to be very careful with how you write those, so you could deliver that. And in UN because of some changed dynamics and scenes I straight up forgot about it, until Wu Xie threw some joke like "he's an old man" in front of a restaurant.

In Reboot Xiaoge could make Wu Erbai stutter with one move, put Yuliang's version in the same scene, I just don't think it would've worked. Like I'm trying to imagine him telling UN's Wu Erbai what to do and having troubles already haha. Same as I don't think he's capable to be genuinely mad at Wu Xie, and HJJ nailed it esp in one of my fav when Wu Xie was laughing at Pangzi's joke about him catching cold. The look he gave him and how ZYL just retreated was priceless xD. And boy could Qiling get angry with him in the books!

Otherwise I didn't have any drastic fall outs there, like with Joseph's Wu Xie and Ah Ning's death, because that was just too much of a difference, but there were still moments where it was once again this the same scene completely different emotion thing. He was more tolerable to ppl in general here, more pliable. And 50% of the time he gave me the cute lost kitten type, which I just cannot connect with the feeling he gave me in the books. His personality is a cat type 100%, but like seriously "cute baby" is the last word combination I would ever apply to book Xiaoge, but with Yuliang's version it's easily applied. So small bean he is indeed. With Joseph and in UN it works incredibly perfect to me, but the way he is in UN is at times too gentle. And there are lots of scenes where Joseph himself looked at him in a way "you're too cute, let me pinch your cheeks" kind of way, or the way he like sat down next to him on the coast, he was a bit babying him at times. I can't imagine book pingxie doing that. It's just a whole different vibe, the way he takes care of him, the way he lets him take care of him... it's...uuuuuuuuu another vibe (see, I'm so good at explaining lmao).

It's also kinda funny to me, bc HJJ who's the smallest and who irl truly a kitten never once gave me that feeling on screen for some reason. The one babied and loved by every crew and old ppl, who was cutely hiding behind ZYL's back on set, who won't sue an ex who almost ruined his career bc of how stupid she is, bc he "didn't want to hurt her", who according to staff can't even step on a fly, whom CMH was petting for several minutes after he had to hit him with a prop brick bc he didn't wanna do it lmao. I was just like.. ok, this is hilarious, bc I in fact didn't expect him to be a small bean, so watching all the bts made me go LOOOOL. Probably ZYL acting like a 3 year old helped him transform and the age difference problem got lost lmao

As for other adaptations. You know I can't watch seriously "Lost Tomb", I think some ppl probably have some nostalgic feeling about it, but I'm sorry, to me it's fucking hilarious. Like I've already said it looks like some type of twilight parody thing or smth. Soft damselle Wu Xie esp killed me, bc 1st when he ever was that, 2nd in the first book he's salty af, I don't even know this dude in this interpretation, I was like who's this. YangYang I know him from other things, I really don't think it's his role. I know the script and everything is bad. I know the costume and hair are horrendously funny, but it's just I was watching him in those action scenes and was like no... just I'm sorry but I'm not feeling it. I simply just don't know what to say about the whole thing seriously, bc I don't even know where to start. 10 episodes of some salad finished with one mutilated scene from book 6 for no reason the fact that characters are weird themselves also I can't quite tell, did they really just meet or they imply smth else lmao.. I'm sorry, but I do not get it.

I've given LT2 another try after finishing all the books and I've dropped it half way through, Cheng Yi wasn't even close to how I pictured Xiaoge in any aspect. He in fact didn't do anything OOC or off the book or anything, I just was like "not my Qiling". Happens sometimes.

Explore with the note you already know how I feel about this lol let's just forget.

P.S. To be fair here also maybe we should take into account the fact that some got luckier than other with "at which point" Xiaoge they're playing. Like for example, "Wrath of the Sea" and "Qingling Tree" books which is LT2 is not exactly you can say much about Qiling there, he trolls them there in the beginning (in a brilliant way that was totally lost in the adaptation) and he is there in "Wrath of Sea", but it's not the part that can make his character shine in any way, there's not much things happening there that would make you fall for him or get to know him; Yuliang grabbed the fattest piece bc it's middle several books, when they're always together and his character shines the most in terms of clues about past, opening up to Wu Xie and Pangzi, and there are many many events where you can get the picture of what kind of man he is; Huang Junjie grabbed my fav piece of utter devotion, where he's already fully and wholeheartedly belongs to Wu Xie, that I'm just weak for. So like... there's also that I guess xD.

[kingarmorking]

any more thoughts to share about the extended family in the hon au? do any of them live nearby? does anyone notice when danny starts acting strangely? what do they think of dani/how is she introduced?

OK I REALLY HAD TO THINK ABOUT THIS

Danny's the only one in his family that lives in amity park! hes got a few aunts/uncles/cousins that live relatively close by (driving distance at least! though some are longer drives than others see maddie's sister) they get together on the Lunar New Year and talk with the rest of his family over (…fuck whats relevant now. zoom? facetime?? discord??? yall know what i mean) in Korea, which include other aunts/uncles/cousins and his grandparents!

Danny's family (everyone who lives in America anyway) have an annual trip to go to Korea around Chuuseok and they spend about a month there or so to spend time with his entire family ("My, my look at how you've grown young man!" "Thanks halmoni but I really haven't grown much since last year")

OK SO THIS. DO ANYONE NOTICE DANNY ACTING STRANGELY. I'm of the belief that Danny was pretty quiet and didn't interact a lot with his extended family at first (lots of people who youre just suddenly thrust into meeting can be A Lot) but they let him keep to himself and when he felt comfortable enough is when he would seek out the rest of the kids his age to talk to (though maddie's side of the family don't quite approve of jack and his obsession with ghosts) so if he avoided them for a little bit no they didn't really notice

HOWEVER. on jack's side of the family he's got two older twin cousins (i literally just made them up as i type this and i really like the idea so ill draw them later) who straight up know that he's Phantom ("Wait you two know!?" "Your alias's name is Danny Phantom. That's not exactly subtle.") they don't really care though, they keep his secret and while they like learning about ghosts similar to the rest of the family, actually keeping tradition? eh theyre indifferent. theyre about 18-19

hes got a younger cousin on Maddie's side of the family (who lives in Korea) and thinks that Danny's side of the family is one of the coolest things on the planet but her parents do not share the same opinion unfortunately

theres an uncle on Maddie's side that thinks Jack is hilarious, the two drink during family gatherings while jack spouts all the stories hes got about fighting ghosts in amity park. in that same vein hes got an aunt on Jack's side that's always competing with him and Maddie about how much progress shes made in terms of inventions or studies regarding ghosts of differing cultures

when it comes to Ellie… theyre all understandably confused ("You had another child and didn't ever tell us?? Let alone bring them to meet us??") after an abridged version of what happened with Ellie (and subsequently with Danny) there's… a lot of mixed feelings at first.

the two twin cousins are angry at Jack and Maddie on Danny's behalf ("You tried to kill your son so you could dissect him!" "Did you not ever think about why they look so damn similar?!") honestly a majority of the family (esp on Maddie's side) feel that way but are more subdued, the cousins are the ones who are most vocal about it

Danny's younger cousin isn't allowed to interact with his family that year and his uncle doesn't drink with Jack. Chuuseok is… awkward that year, everyone actually leaves earlier than the month. they spend the 3 days and then go back their separate ways to take in everything that happened

things don't go back to normal right away, not even for the Lunar New Year a few months after. Ellie feels bad cause she thinks she may have caused the shift so Danny and Jazz take it into their own hands to orchestrate Chuuseok the following year with their grandparents

when everyone goes back to Korea the next year (cause it's still tradition, they don't want to miss out on it) they all basically say that what's done is done, they can't change it but are taking the steps to heal and get better. their grandparents agree and say that through it all they have a new member of the family who should get the chance to learn about everything she missed

things start getting better; the twins still avoid Jack and Maddie but they talk with Ellie and help her get more relaxed being amongst so many new people, the younger cousin ends up being super close to Ellie and they talk over messengers. His uncle starts to drink with Jack again and his aunt brings up her inventions again

Danny and Jazz are happy, things are still awkward but it's getting better at least

[knightofameris]

naturally — sugawara koushi

✎ gender. uhm neutral? ✎ contains. mutual pining, childhood friends, reader is a manager, also reader has a lot of anxiety when it comes to relationships, not beta read ✎ wc. 1.6k

✎ summary. the time you were thankfully wrong in your assumptions.

✎ ameris’ notes. i came back just to post this because this is my favorite piece I’ve written so far on this blog i think. also noticed many writers deactivating ;—; and just a lack of content (esp for suga). i was originally going to post this when i came back fully along with everything else but this is fine. (i will reply to all messages later <3 thank you everyone for your kind words)

also tried a different writing style for this,,,

i hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as i did writing it. ♡ 

previous title: i thought we already were [i still suck at titles this might still change]

You couldn’t help but slam your head against your desk. Ennoshita sighed at your predicament when it came to the crush you had on your upperclassman, Sugawara Koushi. Except, to you he was so much more. Not in just the fact that he was your crush but he’s been someone you’ve known for almost your entire life. 

“What if he doesn’t like me, Ennoshita,” you cried into your arms, not able to take the heartbreak that could come with Sugawara rejecting your feelings and your 10+ year friendship turning to dogshit. 

Ennoshita tapped his fingers against the desk, “I don’t think he’d break off your friendship just like that even if he didn’t. And if he doesn’t like you I personally give you permission to murder myself and-or Tanaka, your choice.” 

In a different class at the time, Tanaka sneezed in the middle of eating his sandwich. 

At this point, Ennoshita, and every other club member, was tired. Even Sugawara would shrug when Daichi asked him in the clubroom what was going on between him and you. Asahi, the one who was possibly the most oblivious when it came to people pining for another, was even frustrated at how the two of you would dance around each other. 

“Why don’t you just ask them out?” Asahi asked Sugawara. In the middle of changing, Sugawara stopped in thought, his shirt barely on. 

“Hmm, I don’t want to ask them before they’re ready,” Sugawara answered simply, sliding his shirt on over his head. 

It was a rough life being friends with both you and Sugawara. 

It was sort of sweet though, no? The fact that Sugawara wanted to wait till you were ready. He knew about your anxieties when it came to relationships. It wasn’t that your past relationships were bad, per se, but rather any time you’d enter one the anxieties just came through. Sometimes it’d be insecurities or suddenly the red flags would pop up. It was as if entering the relationship made you realize how much of a terrible person the other was. 

You didn’t want that for Koushi. So he’d wait, wait till you’re comfortable to talk things out. But he will admit that it is maybe a little frustrating some days. 

Especially, especially, the days when you’re closer than usually. Physically. Emotionally.

Some days you’d find yourself lying in Koushi’s bed after finishing a bit of homework. He’d be sitting on the floor at the table, still working the last few problems. You’d both have a small conversation, something to fill the room while he finished up. Then he’d crawl into bed, next to you. 

“Just like when we were kids, right?” He’d grin at you, and you couldn’t help the way you felt your cheeks heat up. 

“Yeah, just like when we were kids,” you’d reply and reach out for his hands, shifting to lay on your side. Koushi doing the same and inching even closer to you. He’d bring your hands up to chest level, playing with your fingers just like he’d do when the two of you were younger. 

And then the two of you would fall asleep. His arm draped over your waist, pulling you close into his chest with your legs tangled with his. 

You always fell asleep last, always so anxious about the whole ordeal. It’s different sleeping and cuddling together when you’re older compared to when you were both younger. 

When you were younger it was just platonic feelings. And now that you’re both older and know about romantic feelings, well, something bloomed between the two of you. 

Before you’d fall asleep you’d stare up at his soft face, your fingers slightly hovering over his face and especially over the beauty mark that you loved so much. He was no longer embarrassed about it like he used to be (because of you and your adoration for it). Then your hand would return back to resting on his chest and you’d nuzzle your head into him as well. 

Koushi’s breathing always soothed you; it was deep and heavy. Always peaceful as you watched his chest rise and fall. You nuzzled your face into him even deeper if it was possible, your fingers lightly tapping against his sturdy chest. 

He smelled a bit like lavender. It was subtle, sweet and calming. There were a few other scents too but they weren’t overbearing and never quite lingered in your nose like the lavender scent. And whenever you think about him, you just think of Koushi’s lavender scent as well as how he smelled like home. 

Home. 

Yeah, being with him felt like home. Even when—no—especially when your own home didn’t feel like home. You felt comfortable with him, like it was you and him versus the world. This felt natural, normal. 

The lingering glances, the subtle touches. 

I think it was safe to say that you’re in love. You felt stupid for saying so, even thinking so. You are in high school, barely seventeen as a second year. People would always cringe when high schoolers said they were in love. 

But no one can invalidate your feelings. Only you knew what you felt and no one could say otherwise. 

You’re in love with Sugawara Koushi and it didn’t scare you. 

You’re in love with Sugawara Koushi and it comforted you. 

You knew him better than you knew yourself and you were sure he felt the same about you, knowing you well, I mean. You still weren’t sure if he returned your feelings. 

That’s how you found yourself outside his house, standing in front of him. Sugawara stared at you, head tilted with confusion since usually the two of you would just head in to get started on homework. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his hand reaching for yours. He called out for you again, your name gracing his lips. His thumb rubbed small circles on the back of your hand and you looked down off to the side, scared and unsure. 

“I-uhm,” your heart felt like it was going to leap out of your throat. Speaking was hard, and god you don’t think you could stare up at him while you confessed your feelings. 

Rip it off like a bandaid. Just rip it off like a bandaid. Just. Rip it off! LIKE A—

With closed eyes and your hand clasping around his, you stuttered out, “I-I-uh-I really like you Koushi! It’s-It’s fine if you don’t, y’know, feel the same. I just-I just had to tell you.” 

You pursed your lips and the small caresses on the back of your hand stopped. Good thing you planned to do this before entering into his house. Now you could just book it home. But then he laughed and his hand holding yours tightened back before you could run off; as if he knew you were going to do so. 

You just confessed to Sugawara Koushi and he’s laughing. You felt like crying, honestly. 

But Koushi was laughing because he was relieved. Relieved that he didn’t have to hold back anymore, that he no longer had to wait. Koushi had wanted you to make the first move because he already knew you liked him. He just wanted you to feel comfortable enough with your feelings before anything else happened. 

All of the soft touches, the cuddling, the approaching you from behind and hugging you as you do manager work, Koushi let happen naturally. Because they were natural. It’s not like you didn’t do it back. 

Whenever he’d be on break, drinking water he’d find your arms wrapped around his torso no matter how sweaty he was. Or on bus rides to practice matches or to the Sendai gym for games the two of you would sit next to each other and one of you would always fall asleep with your head resting against the other’s shoulder. 

And you know, maybe Koushi was partially laughing at the fact that you couldn’t tell he likes you back. He thought it was obvious at least. 

“Wh-what are you laughing about Koushi!” You pouted, tears slightly gathering at the corner of your eyes out of anxiety and fear of rejection. 

“No, no, nothing bad, you’re so cute,” he sighed out, a smile apparent on his face as he took a step closer to you. “It’s just that-” he gestures with his free hand back and forth between you and himself “-I thought you knew I liked you. Because I knew you liked me. And with how we’ve been cuddling and—”

“Ah!” You shouted, lightly hitting his chest with your free hand. He let out an ‘oof’ before you placed your head against his chest out of embarrassment. You felt his chest reverberate as he laughed, his other hand coming up to rest on the top of your head, his fingers drawing soothing circles on your scalp. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” you asked, your voice muffled against his chest. Koushi sighed, the corners of his lips tugging upwards. 

“I thought we already were, y’know, together? I just wasn’t too sure,” Koushi replied. “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable either. Wanted to wait till you were comfortable.”

“What if I never was?”

“I’d wait forever then.” 

You huffed against his chest, wrapping your other arm around him, the hand holding his tightening. Koushi set his arm around your back, pulling you in closer as he turned to place his cheek against your head. 

“You’re cheesy, Kou.” y

“Only for you.” He turned his head to kiss the crown of yours before laying his cheek against you once more. “Now let’s go inside, get some homework done and cuddle some more.”

“I hate you.” 

Koushi hummed, being the first to pull away, holding your hand tightly to walk towards his house, “Whatever you say. I know you don’t.” 

✎ ameris’ notes. a scene straight from my and my friends’ self-ship AU that I thought could work well as a reader-insert LOL. shifted it around so that their characters (themself?) don’t appear. actually well, it’s not really straight from it. i haven’t written this part in the AU but i wanted to write it anyway hahdfkjhakjfh LOL i tried my best not to make reader too much like myself, i only used part of the reason for relationship anxiety of mine looool.