#i thought about including Romana but i was sure

[master-missysversion]

Time ladies

[romana-after-dark]

Blessed be the Fruit: Finale part 2

Commander!Joel Miller x Handmaid!Reader

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Summary: Joel takes you somewhere different, meeting Tommy there

Content and Warnings: DARK JOEL! DUB CON! (stressing the dub con again this chapter)

Although no violent rape happens like in TWW, reader is under systemic misogyny and a society of ritualized sex abuse. Everything other than the violent rape scenes, everything that happen in either The Handmaids Tale book or show are liable to happen here including but not limited to discussion of rape, child abuse, child marriage, ritualized sexual abuse, sexual abuse in general, acts of violence, major character deaths, mentions of miscarriage but never shown and never pregnancies we know of. Big ole homophobia warning, specifically in regards to lesbophobia. As for Joel, PIV sex, breeding kink, degrading (slut, whore etc but thing like Raider!joel) forced breeding and breeding kink, power dynamics, Joel is not the good guy but he’s also not the worst, slightly rough sex but not violent. Warnings are liable to be added as the story goes but I’ll always update. As always if I miss something please tell me, but i extensively label my warnings and in the end media consumption is your own choice. If you would like to know if this is a happy ending or not you can message me and I’ll tell you that way I don’t spoil for everyone but you can decide if this is for you.

Immersability: Reader has long hair, can conceive children theoretically.

****************

There was only one person Tommy let him tie up, and it was the woman Gilead had sentenced to get fucked by him every month. Tommy wasn’t complaining, and honestly he wasn’t hearing it from Angela either. Sure, this wasn’t an ideal situation but Tommy thought he at least made it bearable. 

He couldn’t do anything about how other commanders treated their women, he couldn’t do anything about the fact he was Angela’s last commander before she would have been sentenced to the colonies… but she didn’t have to worry about that anymore, did she?

Angela was pregnant. 

Unfortunately, this had produced a while new world of problems for them. Tommy had been working with Angela to try and figure out how to get Ellie out before she was married, but Mayday had been dragging their feet and now time was up. Ellie had been caught with Riley, Angela was pregnant, and Gina was certainly going to try and get OfJoel killed. Ellie’s wedding was next week.

Angela’s pregnancy was announced, and the Miller household had people buzzing with excitement between that and the wedding, people buzzing around congraduating Joel that his teenage daughter was getting married to a pedofile, congratulating Tommy that he has a child on the way that will likely be abused under the system he helped create, and congratulating his wife for doing absolutly fucking nothing. Baby probably wasn’t even concieved during the ceremony, considering how much him and Angela fucked. Yeah, everything was shit.

Still, at least they could fuck.

Where Tommy had gotten a strap on and restraints, he’d never tell, but boy he was glad he did. Angela had tied his hands to his ankles, fucking Tommy’s butt with the strap and smaking his freckled skin red. 

“Dirty little whore likes being beat? You like it to hurt?” She taunts him, fucking his tight hole open. She had been edging his cock for close to an hour now, his balls tied up and blue as she tortured him. Fuck, he never felt so good. Even before, when Tommy was having casual sex (a LOT of casual sex) and doing drugs (a LOT of not-so casual drugs) it never felt this good. Yes, he’s counting the time he had boy pussy sat on his face and girl cock up his ass. 

“Tommy! It’s t-” Joel burst in the room. “What the fuck!” 

Joel had seen Tommy naked, Joel had seen Tommy and Angela having sex PLENTY but not like this. Not with his fucking asshole just…. There… looking at him. Was he getting pegged?

Angela turned to look at him, her pale face flushed with exertion but certainly not embarrassment. “Hey Joel, you gonna join us?”

Joel smacks his face, not wanting to look. “No, for fucks sake. Tommy, it’s time.” He emphasizes.

“Oh shit!” Realizing what Joel is saying, he tried to get up, but his ankles are still in the air tied to his hands. Tommy falls off the bed with a thud.

*

You wake up to a hand on your mouth. Eyes opening wide, it takes a moment for them to adjust and see Joel staring down at you. For a moment, you relax as you think he wants a quick fuck, but then he’s pulling you out of bed.

He takes your hand after throwing your cloak on you. “We’re leaving.” He helps you shove on your shoes, and next thing you know he’s guiding you out of the back of the house.

“Joel!” You whisper. “What’s happening?!”

He put you behind the garage, gripping your face harshly. “Don’t say a fucking words, and stay here until I get you, okay?”

You’re frightened, but you trust him. You have no reason to, but you do.

Several minutes later, Joel appears behind the shed with a very wides eyes Ellie. You quickly hug her as she asks whats happening, but Joel moves you along.

“We’re getting you out.” Both of you.

Tommy comes, holding Angela’s hand. It’s Angela who speaks. “Anthony came through?” She asked Joel.

“He did. Had to make a lot of fucking promises, do a lot of fucking shit but we got it.”

She nods, smiling. ”Lets fucking go!”

You had to sneak down several blocks, over a mile you’d bet, in the darkness to get to another part of town. It developed houses that would be given to commanders' families should they have them, like where Ellie or Angela’s baby would go. No one lived there yet, babies were still rare. Just behind one, as the yard turned into the woods, a white van waited. Man in a Commander uniform that was ill fitting got out of the van, as did a driver. You suspected the attire was stolen. They opened the back door of the van.

“This has to be quick, Joel.” Angela said as Tommy helped her in. Joel ignored her, turning to Tommy as he’s about to say his goodbye to Angela.

“You need to go with her.”

Tommy scoffed. “Fucking sure. They’ll fucking kill her in Canada!” 

“No, they won’t. I’ll make a statement, I’ll tell they you betrayed me and you’ve been working with Maday this whole time.”

Angela nodded. “I’ll tell them, Tommy. I have some weight, I’ll vouch for you.”

Tommy continued to look back between Angela and Joel, confused. “I can’t leave you, Joel.”

Joel sighed, holding Tommys shoulders. “Tommy, this whole shit show is my fault and I dragged you into it. You have a baby to think about now, okay?”

He considered this. “If I’m still in Gilead… Gilead can try and get it back like they did baby Nicole…”

“Can’t let that happen. And Tommy… I need you to get my baby out of here, okay? I trust you. I couldn’t protect Sarah…” Joel’s jaw locked at the memory of his first born, trying to remain strong. Tommy was not as brave, eyes pooling with tears. “I need to get Ellie out. I need her to be safe, okay? Our babies, our girls, I need to know they’ll get across safe.”

Ellie spoke up. “You’re not coming with?”

He turned to his daughter. “No, Ellie, I’m sorry.” Tommy put his hand on Tommy’s shoulder, and climbed into the van with Angela, placing a hand on her stomach. Joel held Ellie’s face in his hands. “There’s a second van you’ll meet up with, Riley is there… Tommy’s gonna take care of you, so is Angela, so is she.” Joel looked up to where you stood, and you nod. You’d take care of her. You’ll get that innocent girl out safely.

“Dad…” Her voice chokes. “I don’t wanna leave you… won’t you get in trouble if we leave? Just come with us! Gilead will kill you!”

He shook his head, smiling sadly. “No, baby girl, I can’t. Gilead won’t kill me, but Canada sure fucking will. The protection I have with Gilead is the same position that will have me dead in Canada. You have to leave, Bedford will-” He stops himself, looking away for a second before turning back to her. “I ain’t letting that happen to you. I need you to be strong, okay? Angela’s pregnant, I need you to helo her.” He shifted gears a bit. Ellie didn’t want to be a child, she wanted to be strong. “Ya’ll’re gonna look out for each other. You are all family now, got it?”

Ellie stiffened her lip, putting on her bravest face. “I got it. I’m gonna keep them safe. You gotta be safe though, okay? I’m gonna find you eventually. You can’t fucking escape me.”

That made Joel smile. “Good fucking girl. You fucking show em. You’re gonna go to school, and you’re gonna learn how to be everything Gilead tried to beat out of you, okay? Expose it all. They are gonna be so fucking afraid of you, Elizabeth Miller”

Ellie grinned despite the tears. “Hell yeah they are.” She climbed into the van, settling under Tommy’s arm. He was going to protect her. 

The driver told Joel they needed to go, but Joel looked at you. “Five minutes. Get in the van.” The diver huffed, but did as he was told. Joel closed the van door. “I told you I was gonna protect you, beautiful.”

You nod, feeling dread at this goodbye. “I know. I always knew you would.”

“Watch out for Ellie, please? She’s just… She’s gonna be brave, she does better if she’s protecting someone else but… Her and Riley, they’re just kids, no matter what Gilead thinks.”

“I will.” You promise, the tears begin to come. “I am gonna miss you. I know this isn’t… This isn’t a huge romance or star crossed lovers but I do care about you. I care about your family.” A sniffle. “Well, not Gina.”

Joel chuckles at that, pulling you into an embrace and a kiss. “I know. I care about you too, that’s why I’m getting you out of here. You deserve better than this place.”

You melt into his embrace, letting his arms comfort you. “I’m kinda scared… All i’ve known is this place.”

“I know, I know… but you’ll do so good, I swear.” He takes your chin in his hand, making you look up at him. “You’re gonna be good, okay? I know how you are, I know how you love cock and pussy, but you gotta take it easy when you get out.”

“It’s not gonna be you…”

He smiles. “I know.” Joel pushes you against the van. “No one is ever gonna be me, are they?”

“No sir, no one.”

“Tommy ain’t ever gonna be me, neither is Angela?”

“No sir, none of them…”

Joel grinds his cock against your stomach. “I know they ain’t, sweet girl. I’m gonna give you a goodbye gift, something to remember me by.”

“Yes, yes, yes, yes” You chant as he hitches you leg up, pulling aside your panting as he pulls his cock out. “Give it to me…”

He thrust inside you, stinging as his fat cock pulls you apart but you don't do more than whimper, not wanting to give yourself away to everyone in that van. Joel fucks you while you touch your clit, trying to make this as quick as possible. It was a risk as it was, you weren’t going to draw this out. 

“They are gonna examine you, you know that? You’re gonna have my cum dripping out of you for days. You want them?”

“Yes, yes Commander Miller… want you inside me…” Heat pools in your stomach, ready to cum, ready to take his seed inside you one last time. A parting gift.

“When they ask you…” Joel pants in your ear, thrust deep inside as his balls draw up. “When they ask you who you belonged to, when they ask whose name you took, what are you gonna say?”

You moan, cumming on his cock one more time. “Commander Miller, I belong to Commander Miller.”

He groans in pleasure. “And when they ask your name?”

“OfJoel! I am OfJoel.”

Joel released inside you, flooding you once more with his seed and pussing your still-cummig pussy.

Then, he set you down, and it was over.

Joel opened the door, gave you a kiss, and sent you inside. He mouthed a thak you to Angela for helping him pull this off despite all he’s done. More more look to you. One more to Tommy. One long, tear-filled I love you to Ellie, and he tapped the van. As it drove off, his eyes were on Ellie being held by Tommy as he shut the door.

You rode in silence, but you could feel Angela’s eyes on you. She knew what you did. Of course she did. Angela knew everything, but didn’t speak. Ellie was crying softly but pretending she wasn’t as she got snot on Tommy’s shirt. You thought what Joel’s fate would be, if he was right that his position would offer him safety or if his brother, two handmaids one who is pregnant and a child of Gilead and a wife all escaped out from under his nose? You wondered about your son who you were leaving behind… could you really leave without him? There were no options really. 

“Is he lying?” Ellie spoke, pulling herself off Tommy. The van was almost pitched black, hiding her no doubt red face.

Angela, of course, spoke. “Maybe. But Joel has a lot of power in Gilead, and he produced 2 children… I mean, he was a founder. He might be punished, might not be given another handmaid but I don’t think he’s complaining. I think he’s fine.”

Another beat of silence before she spoke again. “This was all his fault, isn’t it. Gilead, all of it.”

Tommy tried to deny it. “No, no Ellie-”

“Yeah, it is.”

When you all arrive at the meet stop the drivers step with a jolt. No one was there. You sat waiting… waiting. Ellie starts asking questions, asking Angela where Riley is but no one knows. Finally, a car whips up to the van, and when it opens, there she is. Riley runs out of the car and into Ellie’s arms as she jumps out of the van to her friend. Relieved to see the girl, relieved she’s getting out, you prepare for them to drive out, but the door opens again…

Your son steps out of the car.

“Matthew?”

One Year Later….

Life was good. All of you had stayed together, trauma bonded from what you’d seen.

Tommy was put on trial, but the odds were stacked against the prosecutor. Gilead, including Joel, publicly condemned him. Angela spoke on the stand for his good treatment of her, Ellie spoke on his behalf, as did Riley and you, and soon they considered him little more than a bystander. Tommy played a good himbo.

 He grew out his hair and a mustache, changed his last name. Him and Angela married, not out of love. There was affection, but it was for the safety of Riley. Ellie would be placed with Tommy since they were blood related, but Riley was a risk. Tommy promised Joel and Ellie he’d protect her. So, they married, they presented as a happy family with the baby she gave birth to, a little girl they named Alicia. 

With Riley saying she wanted to stay with them, Tommy and Angela were able to keep both teenagers with them. Ellie and Riley were set up with a charity organization that tutored them to catch them up and were doing okay in that aspect. Riley had taken to therapy better than Ellie had, never wanting to talk. Some days were better than others. Some days she screamed at Tommy and some days she laid in bed for hours and hours. It wasn’t always easy, but she had support.

Riley suffered from nightmares. Having been married, she suffered sexual abuse from her far too old for her husband and frequently was jumpy around people and loud noises.

And you? You were reunited with your son. It was a confusing adjustment, one he doesn’t understand… but you’re honest with him and he’s honest with you. It gets better.

You still see him sometimes. 

On the news, mostly. He makes half hearted propaganda about the missing “Children of Gilead” that his treacherous brother stole. The pregnant handmaid he watched his brother fuck. His own handmaid he shared with the previous 2. His daughter who he was teaching and who he risked everything to get across the border. His daughter’s friend, a wife that Gilead decided to frame as a child still now that it suited the narrative, that he watched grow up tha he refused to leave behind. The little boy he had no connection to, no reason to give a shit about, but he did because he was yours.

He didn’t really care. You could tell he didn’t care because you had seen him when he spoke with passion. Gilead was never getting you or these kids ever again. It didn’t matter. They were safe. So were you.

You, Tommy, Angela, Riley, Ellie, Matthew, Alicia, you all lived together and did your best to leave Gilead behind… but there were nights you remembered him, nights you thought about his cock as you touched yourself at night, and you’d always remember. He’d always have a part of you. Part of you would always be OfJoel.

****************

Like a fighting year later, I finish it. Sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!

I started this series hot off the tails of the wrong way and first chapter got like 300 and then it just.... dropped. I think my problem was i had no plan. Never really mapped it out what I was going to do chapter by chapter which is how usually do it for series!!!

My other issue i think it this series and myself never decided what i wanted to be. Was it a sexy silly story like Little Bird,the kylo ren series that inspred this? Or was it serious? Was Joel supossed to be a hot baddie or like in TWW where Joel is always mean to be the bad guy.

I dont know.

If anyone wants to write the handmade tale aus for Joel, FREE RANGE! dont gotta credit me r anyhing. Just do it better. Make it sexy and silly or make it a story with a narrative. just dont do this weird mix.

I hope it at least tied up loose ends

Thank you each and every person who showed support!! I still love Angela and my himbo tommy. we need more himbo tommy out there!!!!

as always lk thoughts!!

@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @dins-riduur-anthe @morallyinept @fan-fiction-floozyy @med494 @taliarose12 @flvrdoll @k-ra@sam-2me @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @moriartyyouwhore @hereforthepedrofanfic @alwaysmicado @noisynightmarepoetry @kyloispunk @jenna-ortega @lunitareads @labyrinthofheartagrams @swimmjacket @theywhowriteandknowthings @everyth1ngfan @movievillainess721 @syrupstuff @christinamadsen @darlingshame @genetics4life @stevngrant @crazysouthernlady @joeldjarin @gwendibleywrites @ladynightengale @justagalwhowrites @pedge-page @magpiepills @zliteraturehoe @lover-of-books-and-tea

[intuitive-revelations]

I'm not feeling super today, so am going to go ahead and watch some of Tales of the TARDIS to take my mind of it, since it's now available. Here's my thoughts in real time, though I'm just focusing on the new segments for now, since the rest is just an omnibus version of the original serial.

Earthshock:

Ah, we've got an MCU style 'Whoniverse' bumper now. Visuals are fine, though the music is a little disappointing IMO. I would have hoped for some variant on the theme music, maybe the middle 8?

I like the TARDIS flying across it forming a line though. Feels like a very deliberate similarity to Thirteen's logo.

I know it won't be in this series, but the fact they've included Eight's time vortex in the intro has me hopeful for the future, whether it would just involve Grace and/or Lee, or potentially something BF related. Given the omnibus nature of these episodes, probably the prior. The TV movie would be a pretty good length for it too.

Similarly, while the TARDIS set is obviously based on plenty other bits of the sets, I like that Eight's columns are included as a part too.

I'm curious about this whole setup. On one hand it feels a bit like the 'degeneration' stuff we're already seeing in the anniversary and Big Finish, but it also feels kinda Curator-related.

I quite like the 'theme baseline' soundtrack here with Five.

"I was fast asleep, in bed, I said goodnight to Nyssa..." Ah, I see the TeganNyssa agenda is still in play!

The subtitles say 'goodbye', but the line was definitely 'goodnight'... real time censorship... 😢

"We never really did this sort of thing did we"

"You didn't, not one line" ok, I see what you did there.

"This is the memory of a time machine, and it's reached out and remembered... us." Oh, 'tales of the TARDIS' indeed. So it's the TARDIS summoning the characters we see? Is it 'the' TARDIS, or some sort of echo? If the prior, then when is this taking place? I would say sometime in the future, but the TARDIS of course is non-linear.

"It's a remembered TARDIS", again still not sure as to the above. But kinda makes me think of a remembrance tank? Like someone tried to remember a TARDIS into existence, but it's incomplete.

"I'll do it for him"

Oh... the dynamic shift back to wide screen with Five holding Adric's badge crossfading over the episode?

Was the badge remembered into existence too?

"Maybe that's what a memory TARDIS is for?" "Therapy."

The Mind Robber:

Hm, the reused TARDIS cgi + stock background image makes me wonder a bit if this was the last-minute addition to the 60th line up RTD mentioned? Or maybe there just wasn't much budget, in which case fair enough, but it does feel like this series might have been done a bit quickly.

Aw, Jamie and Zoe!

So the memory TARDIS itself has unlocked their memories.

"I've missed him every day of my life, but I didn't realise it." 🥺

"What they did to use was unforgivable" phew. while I know this isn't meant to get too heavy, I was a bit worried for a second they were going to glance over the trauma of their memory wipes. Sure, it's been a lifetime since it happened, but I'm glad the pain of it is acknowledged.

"And I think we've been brought here to undo it?" So will this be permanent or not...?

"I'd still be with him now if I could." Jamie...

"Five daughters". Huh... I know this is a niche point, but that's a bit odd. He has multiple descendents who are McCrimmons (eg. Heather, from the DWA comics) so I'm a bit surprised a son wasn't mentioned.The Glorious Revolution also has at least eight children. I guess some sons could have died and Jamie just isn't mentioning them, or a daughter just passed their maiden name to their child, maybe out of wedllock. Plus he technically could still have more kids I suppose, even at an older age.

"Well, I have a son, a scientist. I named him James." "A-after me?" "I never realised it before, but... well, of course it was after you!"

President Romana is out. President Zoe is in!

"Where do we begin? And don't say Cybermen. I want to forget about the Cybermen." Ouch. Now I'm thinking about The World Shapers.

Again, I like these smooth format transitions.

"Well, whatever this place is, it's restored our memories, for good. I think all we need to do, if we want to come back here, is to close our eyes and remember it." Question answered I guess. Very hand-wavey to be coming out of Zoe, but I'll allow it I guess.

"Maybe we're in heaven." "I hope not, I'm a very busy woman."

"I wonder if [Victoria]'s still out there somewhere?" Ow...

"I hope she had a nice life." "I'm sure she did. I bet she thought of you every single day." Ow...again.

"Because there's one thing I know for sure, I will never, ever forget this again." I hope so, Zoe.

Vengeance on Varos:

Aw, this music introducing Six (if that is Six?) is so sweet!

"The Warrior Queen" so it's that version of Peri? Makes sense I suppose to avoid the extra confusion.

"You got old." "Mm, and bigger. And beardier. Oh time marches on Peri, even for a Time Lord." Hmm, this does imply the Six we see isn't aged due to temporal effects, as in Time Crash, but may have actually aged to this point. Combined with the lack of him wearing his coast, maybe it is the Curator after all? Of course, could be more of an 'imagined' Doctor given the memory TARDIS, but I'm leaning towards all the characters being real.

Ay, Medusa Cascade mention.

"Your story is far from over." "For both of us, Doctor." "Maybe? Maybe." Yep, definitely leaning towards the Curator. This definitely reads to me as the Doctor in some of their final incarnations.

"You've always been here. You never left. The TARDIS never forgets." Again, feels like it's the real TARDIS? Granted Six could be speaking more metaphorically, but still.

"Every night, I would look up at the stars and wonder, which one you were spinning round in the TARDIS and I'd ask myself... 'will I ever see him again?'" Oh no! I thought Peri seemed a bit sad, but was unsure if it was intentional - I thought it might have just been Nicola struggling a bit with doing the accent on screen again. But no, it very much is. She sounds heartbroken on this line. I'm sorry for doubting your acting Nicola!

Ooh, look at that transition again!

Oh, so "Warrior Queen" Peri did make it back to Earth? Cool they're set her up to be here, so she could have Earth-based appearances in the future, but does make me wonder how that overlaps with her other fates. It seems compatible with some of them, but not sure exactly where it sits.

Yrcanos is dead and Peri wants to revisit the memorial (on Krontep presumably) once a year. Apparently this aligns pretty directly with the Season 22 promo, which is great continuity. I guess this implies the Six she was travelling with there wasn't BF!Six, but this older incarnation?

Speaking of which, if he's willing to fly away in this memory TARDIS, once again that seems to suggest the Curator connection, potentially for the TARDIS as well.

The Three Doctors

Now Jo and Clyde!

Jo wrapped in Three's jacket!

I think the sonics, or at least some of them, are just the toys.

In their squabble, Jo mentions she's a great-grandmother now!

"I think they're all here. All of the Doctors. All of the companions."

"Sweet Sarah Jane." 🥺

"I heard, and I'm sorry." Oh... not long after Cliff died then.

"So tell me how you all are: you, Luke, Rani." Ah here's the important stuff!

Luke and Sanjay are in space with UNIT.

Clyde got his comic adaptation! I saw that the movie gets dropped at some point, but now he still gets it as a TV series. That's nice.

Rani's still a journalist. Particularly focused on climate, which Jo loves.

Clyde seems really sad about them all being apart. I guess the Clani will-they-won't-they continues...

No Sky mention... on one hand, makes sense given Jo never knew her, but still a little disappointing, if good for us from a Class: Ongoing writing level. It seems overall RTD is working under the idea that Series 5 was finished, and Sky's 'ascension' in Battle of Bannerman Road happened (hence the 'manifest in human form' thing in Farewell, Sarah Jane).

Obviously it's referencing Hartnell not being present for most of the events, but "2 and a half Doctors" kinda feels like a wink towards Devious.

Aw, Clyde mentioned meeting the Brig to Jo.

"And that's why I'm telling you now, you have got to tell her." "Tell who...what?" "Oh Clyde, don't play games with me."

If you love Rani, you just jolly well go and tell her." AHH!!!

"Oh, stories are important Clyde. We're made of stories, and you're missing the most important one of all."

The ending with Jo holding the Metabelis crystal and seeing Cliff...

The Time Meddler

Steven and Vicki!

They've both got grandkids now.

"And now look - I've got my little sister back!"

They both want to see the Doctor so much...

Pfft, Steven questioning if it's the Doctor's TARDIS because of Six's coat! It's quite a nice choice though, given the episode included featuring the Monk.

Once again, a nice transition with the clock.

The echo of the Monk screaming is a little creepy.

The Monk's dimensional controls! Of course they'd still be in the TARDIS.

"I was an orphan and he became my family. I became the granddaughter he'd lost." Man they're really emphasising the found family here.

"He talked of you for all the time I knew him."

Hmm. "He's probably watching us on some monitor somewhere." then showing the camera view of them, really does make me wonder if a Doctor is in another part of the TARDIS.

"He's as much a part of the TARDIS as this is."

"You know I think of him everyday. I always have. If I could have one wish in all the universe at this moment, it would be to see him again." "Yeah."

Again the ending, with them wishing to see the First Doctor... 🥺

You know the metaphysical emphasis on everything here, kind of makes me think of the metaphysical engine... The dimensions of the TARDIS set are quite similar too.

The Curse of Fenric

Oh I realise that space backgrounds different now. Possible they were changing throughout, but this is the time I've noticed. The animation on the TARDIS seems the same though.

Something very forboding about showing "The History of the Time War", even though it wasn't part of Seven's era. Makes sense though, between his own manipulations and Ace's role in Gallifrey: Time War.

Ace is in her business suit again. Outside of a loose continuity, and building on the leading ACE thing, I'm not sure why they keep going with this.

However, that rainbow badge. I see you Ace.

Ace instinctively putting on the Doctor's hat.

Seven and Ace are so cheerful to see eachother!

"Last time I saw you, you were a hologram. But you're here, you're real!" Nice direct reference to PoTD. So this is afterwards for Ace. Makes sense. The Doctor seemingly acknowledging this however... I would say more Curator proof but...

"You've got old." "Time streams are funny things. In some, I regenerate, in others I don't. It's all a matter of perspective." WAIT WHAT? I guess that seemingly debunks my theory, but this raises a number of questions. So we're in more of a Dark Dimension situation? That being said, the Doctor recognises that it's a "matter of perspective", so is it an older Doctor temporarily in Seven's form? Or an actual alternative timeline Seven? Or the Seven we know, just referring to having aged beyond what he was like during regeneration due to the temporal differential?

Hell, to combine my theory in with this. Is how the Curator's fluid regenerations work? He's shifting between time streams in which past incarnations lived beyond their regeneration?

All this being said. Weirdly fitting to include this here, given Ace's various possible lives.

"This is a memory TARDIS, a special place where old friends come together to share stories, to remember. And to comfront difficult truths..."

Ace doesn't want to talk about Fenric...

"So many lives were ruined." "Others were set in motion." Ah there's the Seven i remember.

"Dangerous undercurrents."

I remain unclear on the current version of Ace's timeline. Apparently when they last parted under bad circumstances (as implied in PotD) he intended to leave her in London, but left her in Ontario instead.

"To be fair, we did have a very busy day, as I remember. Yes. Oh, yes. The Rani was up to her old tricks." Ay, Rani mention. For a sec I thought it was a Dimensions in Time reference.

Ace's voice breaking, talking about her Nan...

"I loved you, you know. Like the Dad I never had. I've never said that before, but I did. I still do."

Seven's reaction as Ace calls him her Dad. You can see him visibly biting his lip 🥺

"And I love you."

Quoting Survival!

I love them both having to jump up to reach the higher controls.

Seven accidentally hurting himself playing the spoons is the perfect way to end.

Overall thoughts

Well this was lovely! I know I shouldn't take it too seriously, as it's just an in character intro to old stories, in the same way I wouldn't take eg. the intro to DotD that seriously, but I do appreciate some of the extra story we get. For a start, Jamie and Zoe gaining their memories back, if it is permanent, is huge! As is Jo encouraging Clyde to speak to Rani.

In general, the continuity difficulties you'll always encounter with these stories with the old companions seem to work out. Again, still not sure what to make of with Ace, at least as someone who very much likes her going to Gallifrey. That being said, they did kind of hint at her Time War history, so who knows?

Obviously the memory TARDIS and the returning classic Doctors are great, but I do remain curious on what they 'mean' in-universe. It definitely feels like something that could be spun out into a greater story.

Overall, very sweet, and very emotionally satisfying, sometimes more than I expected! The emphasis on everyone relationships, the found family of it all, was also brilliant.

The best way I can summarise it is by going back to the first episode and what Five and Tegan say there:

Everyone: Go to therapy. Doctors and Companions: No!!!1 The TARDIS:

[sleeptowns]

a year (or so) of fics, in retrospect

once every handful of years i remember to look back at the collection of projects i’ve finished recently and to simulate a critique as if i’m an art school student — and also as if i’m the haunted teacher’s assistant who wants to be gentle on the prof’s behalf but actually hates your work and also i am the other students who have been sitting there for seven hours straight and can’t offer much more except say, “it’s fine.” a one-man critique day, all parts played by me. 

sometimes i do this and the last period of writing has been drier than a pizza slice left in the winter sun, but this time i’m lucky that these last couple of years have been the closest i’ve had to a writing pax romana.

with that said, i’m not entirely sure how valid i am whenever i think these days that my writing has gone through some drastic changes in the last year; i’m not even sure if it’s accurate to call any of it growth, though i’m aware it’s the sort of thing i won’t have a clear perspective on until a few years after the fact. but i do know that i’m lucky to have so many works to act as markers for different periods of my writing, and while it’s far from a sure method of evaluation, there are parts there that i’m able to at least assess, if not outright measure. in the last year or so, my fics have started mutating towards — not really a separate sort of output than my previous ones, but definitely older somehow. older and quite different because of it: stylistic choices i would have steered clear of before, failed and/or lacklustre genre explorations, even relationship dynamics that were previously unfamiliar territory. my most recent fic feels like a culmination of all my attempts at wrestling with my writing in the ring, and now that it’s a few weeks behind me and i get to look at it with fresh(er) eyes and accept that it’s my favourite child (i’m sorry flls... you’re not too far behind), it’s also reminded me that i have a now overdue fic roundup to write. 

tangentially speaking, it’s interesting that you never really hear about self-taught writers. self-taught artists, yes, and self-taught musicians, but never quite self-taught writers. i don’t exactly purport to have taught myself everything i know about writing, and i know you can’t really be self-anything as a writer; what i lack in technique and finesse learned from proper writing classes, teachers, and/or workshops, i owe to the media i’ve consumed, good and bad, as well as to the creators i love and to all the thoughtful readers i’ve had over the years. if i’m self-taught in any way, then the self as a teacher was reared by countless others who have honed in me a limitless capacity to be an observer to stories, mine and all else. 

this post is just a roundup of all my fics from december 2020 to january 2023, including only the ones with enough substantial content to write about, which disqualifies a lot of the fics i left at one or five scenes max but qualifies the ones i abandoned at one chapter. just a little something for me to reference as i figure out where to take my writing next and hopefully move towards some kind of ✨ growth ✨ lol 

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FIRST LOVE, LATE SPRING december 2020 to march 2021, jujutsu kaisen trial element | dual pov romance, multimedia (?)

i covered a bit of the early chapters and conceptualization for flls in a separate post, but as i was reflecting on how to write a continuation, it occurred to me that if there’s a clear before and after to the current state of my writing, then the first portion of flls chapter five is where i’ll find it. 

when i was drafting my 58393th version of that chapter — nothing was working, none of it was the right vibe i needed, most of them too detached or too on-the-nose but never the perfect middle — i happened upon trying second person pov by accident. i’m not the biggest fan of second person (though to be fair, i don’t think anyone is) but by that point i was so sick of writing and rewriting this one section and not getting anywhere that i wondered if i should just lean all the way into that disgust. why not do something i hated entirely? and act of desperation as that was, the moment i started writing in curt, nauseating second person, i knew it was the right choice. 

the thing about writing flls!yuuji is that he felt both alive and unfamiliar. flls!megumi was easier to understand, even if he was trickier to write — but yuuji, i had to really work to get to know. one thing about him that i knew to be careful about from the very beginning of jjk is that it would be too surface level to think this boy is an extrovert. yuuji is usually painted as an energetic, sunny person, and i don’t think he’s not that, but there’s something about yuuji that’s also very internal and almost innately… isolated? i don’t know if that’s necessarily the right word, but there’s a lot about him as a character that’s out of view or grasp, which ironically i find people taking at face value. in flls, he required a lot more balance than megumi, who was a dam waiting to be relieved of its duties. flls!yuuji knows who or what he is — how could he not, when he’s never had a choice but to be this person, this kid who lost his grandpa, this kid who needs love but doesn’t know how to ask for it because he doesn’t even know there are forms of it he can ask for? 

how to write a character like that? how to nudge someone who doesn’t reveal even at his most revealing towards the christmas eve fight i had set up in the beginning of flls chapter one? back before chapter six of flls came out, i saw a lot of people argue that megumi and yuuji just needed to communicate, and yes, of course they do, but i was also very adamant as i started chapter five that the real tragedy about them is that communication will do nothing in the end. even if they magically became master communicators about their needs and wants and insecurities, none of it will change the fact that neither of them are ready to love and be loved by the other person. at least not in any way that constitutes a relationship that feels like love. 

i think that’s the key to writing the relationship in flls. it was never a question that they loved each other, and how much. never. this is probably the first piece of ~growth i appreciated about flls. it would be easy to write a romance where the main conflict is them not knowing the other loved them back, but flls got rid of that quite early. i left no room for doubt — or at least this is the hope — that flls!itfs loved each other in a way no one else would be able to compare to. they’re it for each other. but if it had been as simple as portraying that, then i never would have finished flls at all, and it definitely wouldn’t have been my longest fic at the time. 

instead — what if it was a given that they loved each other, and it still wasn’t enough? what kind of story can we spin about that? what kind of questions and answers can we find?

that’s actually such a pretentious way to frame that, but the fact of the matter is that i needed to not waste space now that we’re five chapters in. this is the beginning of the end. how do we shift gears and take the tone of the entire story along with it? i don’t know if there’s something about second person pov that’s just inherently full of dread, but it did quite a bit of work in chapter five. it felt disembodying for me as a writer, and i could only hope the same for readers. i was really, really worried some people will give up reading altogether thinking all of chapter five will be in second person, but i didn’t want to compromise. it was going to be second person for most of their real relationship or nothing: vaguely dissociative, intensely drained, with no room to actually enjoy being each other’s boyfriend. the main challenge was to not go from zero to a hundred in a snap. i had the room to do so in only one chapter, but i had to find a way to keep a tight rein on the pace or else the whole fic will fail. 

there also had to be love. and longing. and a desperation to make it work. i think that was yuuji in a nutshell — someone desperate to make it work, whatever this thing is. that’s what constitutes his strengths and his weaknesses, in canon and in flls. i wanted to find a way to make that palpable to a reader the way it was palpable to me while writing yuuji in second person. somewhere along making sure to tether myself to him by knowing what pieces of media he’d reference (high school musical and fullmetal alchemist) and his life outside of megumi (work, basketball, tea with nanami, skateboarding), i had to also drown with yuuji in the hope that the reader would follow. chapter three afforded me the luxury of only examining yuuji from the omniscience of a writer writing in third person — i could dismantle him through the therapy scene, could show myself and the reader a way to understand him, but i could not take us there to where he is. 

i don’t know how successful the second person pov was, ultimately, though i’d be lying if i said it wasn’t what i thought was truly best at the time. it probably wasn’t that creative to anyone but me, but it gave me a nudge towards different ways to explore… vibes. atmosphere, maybe, is the more formal word for it. if not for the second person pov choice in flls, i wouldn’t have been nudged towards kamo’s newsletter to act as the midway point of the story, the last palate cleanser i’ll allow myself and the reader, and i never would have written please let me love you forever and days of brutalism and hairpin turns the way i did. i owe a lot to that tiny but crucial choice, as does flls as a whole. everything that followed that section — the fight, the aftermath of the fight, the breakup — relied on it to make themselves work, and it’s funny (and valuable to note) how it’s something as seemingly inconsequential as a pov choice that set the tone. 

especially because there’s nothing special, really, about those following scenes. the christmas eve fight, megumi’s conversation in the car with geto, the break-up itself — all of it followed my standard flow of dialogue. sure, there’s more tension when you’re writing an argument, let alone when writing scenes that will inevitably lead to a break-up, but all scenes, particularly dialogue, have to feel fraught with some kind of energy and inevitable anyway. for the remainder of chapter five and six, i just coasted on the tone set up by the beginning of chapter five, and that’s knowledge that has served me quite well since. atmosphere goes a long, long way, and with my writing style, a healthy balance between dialogue and introspection will take me the rest of the way to the finish line. the part of flls that i’ve heard people find the most heartbreaking were also its simplest. all of chapter six is dedicated to one wedding, and chapter seven to one evening. i wish i could say there was a trick there, that i agonized over how to write such important scenes, but my personal takeaway is that there is no trick. the point is that you get the story to a point where those scenes write themselves; there’s nowhere else for the flow to go, and geto’s gentle unpacking of megumi, the last few scenes before megumi and yuuji break up, and the bittersweet reunion after two necessary years — i can only hope they carried a sense of “this is the only way it could have gone” the way they did for me. geto doesn’t tell megumi anything we don’t already know from earlier chapters, if only just now put into words. megumi and yuuji also don’t tell each other anything, in the breakup scene and the getting back together sections, that we haven’t already gleaned from them. from the moment kamo’s newsletter ended and we headed into act two — everything was just wrapping up what i left for myself.  

it’s worth noting that i did try to complicate the final chapter a bit. i tried a split pov between yuuji and megumi at first, as a way to finally reconcile their two perspectives, but that felt too cheesy. i tried an outing to nagoya for nobara’s birthday, tried to divide the pov amongst the people in their lives (junpei, nanami, nobara, etc), and even to do my usual cyclical structure of starting with the same image we did in chapter two, this time in yuuji’s funabashi apartment — but those all felt too on the nose. i trusted my flls readers. maybe that’s what all it came down to. i trusted them to know these people, and this story, and i didn’t want to do too much and compromise that trust. and in the end, i would argue, returning to simplicity made the story what it was. 

something i love to think about is how to explain my fics to others. i know it’s been said a lot that the ao3 tagging system has convinced a mini generation of writers that tags and names of tropes are all you need to pitch/be pitched a story, and i wholeheartedly agree. or i might just be terrible at advertising my work, with an obnoxious aversion to learning how to do it better to boot, but to be fair, i think my premises are all just as boring as they are ridiculous. flls is a college au with two friends with benefits turned fake boyfriends turned real boyfriends turned exes. that’s it. there’s nothing else in the plot but that. yet it’s a lot more to me than that, and sometimes that’s all you have when you send a story out into the world. the knowledge that it was briefly yours, and now it isn’t, but that doesn’t at all devalue what you’ve taken away from spending time with it. 

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US april 2021, jujutsu kaisen trial element | short form, childhood friends

this is one of a handful of attempts at writing a trope i don’t love all that much, inspired largely by the atmosphere in “horatio” by t.j klune. i was very conflicted about this fic when i first published it, primarily because it was so short and written in a sparse style i didn’t know how to evaluate, and partly because it didn’t feel substantial. in a post i’ve put on private since, i’d written: 

what if i repeat the same themes in another context? that doesn’t make the theme carry any less weight as long as i put heart and sincerity and compassion into how i’m writing about it. there’s something that is equally as much self-deprecation as it is borderline vanity in me placing these rules upon myself. i’ve always known i wrote first and foremost out of love, out of what makes me excited to write — and that still applies here. i was thrilled to be able to experiment with a short, snappy fic. and that’s far more important, isn’t it, than whether i’m writing a different dissertation angle on love or friendship or family or career? it doesn’t feel like it, no, but it should, because i know it is. i know that what matters to me is that writing is fun and compassionate, and i know that as long as one person finds comfort in a world i’ve built, it’s enough.

i don’t sound very convinced there, and i wasn’t. i still don’t know what to make about us. i like that it’s short, and i endeavour to write more short fics with nothing specific or significant about them — but it’s hard to stomach its existence, let alone see it as something to love. it just feels so… not empty, but definitely less than what i’m used to asking from myself. it’s short, it’s sweet, it’s snappy. it’s also formulaic in its own sparse way, and i think it works because of the sweetness, but the truth is that if i hadn’t written it for itafushi week, i would never have greenlit it for publishing. i still wrestle nowadays with wanting to delete it, but it matters so little to me that i can’t even justify that much. it’s a weird limbo of a story, though i still hope to explore this kind of writing more in the future. 

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SOME KIND OF WE june 2021, jujutsu kaisen trial element | sequel to existing complete story

broke my own rules here by revisiting a story past its run, but to be very fair, it was less out of sentiment (though there was also that) so much as me startling at my first proper reread of the latter half of flls and realizing there are still unresolved arcs for megumi because the final chapter set two years later only had yuuji’s pov. not many of them, and none especially urgent, but i thought it would be a good opportunity to reorient the story to something quieter and more mature than what the central conflicts in flls left room for. i’m not convinced the back-and-forth between pieces of their recent few months being together and the present evening worked as seamlessly as i wanted it to, but it was still a nice opportunity to use a non-linear narrative to explore the growth and development of a relationship that i left at quite the bittersweet open-endedness. what was only delicately certain by the end of flls was made concretely certain through some kind of we, even if it did run a bit too sentimental and saccharine. but i think it can be forgiven, considering what yuuji and megumi went through in flls proper. 

the main challenge of this fic was figuring out which portions of their life post-flls were worth including, and the first draft had five potential sections:

tokyo, for megumi’s first visit back after moving to chiba, mostly dedicated to him realizing that home — after being rooted for so long to this city, this one apartment with his dad, the same neighborhood and transit lines, to the gojo-geto household — now finally belongs somewhere else, with someone else. 

funabashi, most of which was preserved in the version that was published. 

sendai, to visit grandpa itadori’s grave, which i decided to streamline into a single scene at the end of the final some kind of we draft to cut away the excess and break it down to the core of why i wanted them to make this visit — which is to hammer home for yuuji that he isn’t alone anymore, that he has someone taking care of him and loving him without fail and with care, and to give megumi the agency to solidify, for his own sake, that he’s someone who means the whole universe to yuuji. enough that what place is his will always and solely be his, and enough that megumi will be allowed to love and take care of another person in a way that’s both eternal and an ever-evolving work in progress. 

okinawa, for a trip that was only referenced as a backdrop in the final version but that i still like to think a lot about even now. a cc anon said once that the gojo-geto household must be so lonely with all the kids grown up, but as i talked about in another reply once (it’s too far back for me to have time to dig out at this point), i do love to imagine yuuji and megumi being uncles to the next generation, even if not outright parents themselves. sometimes you don’t know what you’re capable of giving as someone who was denied so much as a kid until you see someone so young, a stranger to the world, and know what to give them precisely because you didn’t have it once. and between yuuji not having much family and megumi’s life being complicated by the fact that he has too much family, i think they’re well-equipped to be uncles to tsumiki’s kids and beyond. and i was tempted for a bit to show this in the annual okinawa trips i mentioned in the final version of skow, but there just isn’t enough space without becoming superfluous. 

kuantan, to visit nanami, mostly to reconsolidate the rather serious interaction megumi and nanami had in flls into something gentler, considering he’s still family to yuuji and while nanami might say yuuji doesn’t need his blessing, yuuji will want it anyway. i never did end up writing this part, so it’s not exactly canon to the au and i’m hesitant to make it so, but the idea was to end with megumi asking for both nanami’s blessing and help to propose to yuuji on that malaysia trip.

the end result for this fic was a little lesson for me in cutting and cutting and keeping my hand light on the source, until i’m left with what i consider necessary. the final version of some kind of we is more a collection of vignettes than a straightforward account of megumi and yuuji’s life together post-flls, which i found much more strangely fitting. i feel like i spent so much of flls trying to get them to a point where they’re ready to be with each other, and i just wanted to dedicate skow to them not just making it work but building love on top of the foundations they secure. it’s one thing to portray that through a whole fic dedicated to each milestone; it’s another to write ordinary moments that are made extraordinary because they have chosen that for and with each other. neither of them say i love you out loud in the entire fic, but i wanted there to be no doubt that they do say it. that they do love each other, and that this part isn’t the obstacle it used to be. they’re just some kind of them, together, and this time it doesn’t feel bittersweet for me to send them off to the world for good knowing there’s love falling out of the spaces between each vignette i wrote. 

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HAND IN UNLOVABLE HAND october 2021, jujutsu kaisen trial element | fantasy au

yikes. one of two fics in this round-up that i abandoned at chapter one. started this because an idea occurred to me while reading the atlas six, wrote until i had to stop, then didn’t look back once even when it would have served me to. 

i flew too eagerly close to the sun with this one, truly, but as far as intentions go, i think both my mind and heart were in the right place. it’s quite clear where this one went wrong: i had neither time nor the energy to dedicate to it; i started it on the same whim i start most other things but this time didn’t have the passion for it — and i confess i just didn’t have the patience required to work on writing the story i wanted to write.

it was also one of those lessons in how often big ideas — or an attempt at them — cannot sustain a story. i had what i thought were clear ideas and intentions about the themes i wanted to cover in this one (the downfall of religious devotion, reconstruction, academic institutions versus personal/individual responsibility, all of which just look like buzzwords now that i’m typing them out, omg), but it just didn’t leave room for the kind of story i like to write. i guess my main takeaway here is that the pitfall of high(er) concept genre stories is that you have to make space for the world at the cost of room for character writing; it’s just the nature of how much space in the narrative you can allot for each individual aspect of the story, and with stuff like fantasy and sci-fi, the worldbuilding takes up a significant amount more than your run-of-the-mill slice of life story where the only world i have to worry about sketching is where someone lives and works. 

i do like some parts? it’s kind of crude, how i tried to reconcile my writing style with genre-specific bits, but it’s not all terrible. this sequence is alright:

Megumi was seven the first time he restored something. 

Every part of it had been an accident, and he remembers it now only in fragments. The wet rag in his hand as he wiped down the dining hall tables, having to climb the chairs to get to each corner. The horrible echo of something shattering in the kitchen, where Tsumiki had been tasked to do all the dishwashing for the evening. The panic on her face when Megumi got to her, both of them crowding around the shards of ceramic left by what was once a plate. The spill of harsh candlelight from above the sink, the harsher shadows it sent dancing around the broken glass. 

But he does remember the remembering. The knowing of what the plate had looked like once, the image behind his eyes anchoring him in place as he latched onto the curl of the shadows on the floor. It would be more intuitive, more rudimentary, than anything he’d learn to do later in life, propelled by the worry on Tsumiki’s face and the footsteps he swore he could hear coming towards them from the other end of the servants’ quarters they called home back then—but it had taken only a single blink for the shadows to cover the plate, tighten around it into darkness, and then retreat to where they were, leaving a clean, untouched plate in the middle of the kitchen floor. 

it could be better, but it still could be worse. and i do like the overall architectural imagery and how i managed to scrounge up some standard fare coziness somewhere in the cold, almost-medieval setting. 

as far as disastrously failed ventures go, this one could be a lot more embarrassing than it is. i’m not mad at it. it’s far from good enough, and if i didn’t write it in such a frenzy, i probably never would have allowed it to be published. but. it’s a useful failure. 

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PLEASE LET ME LOVE YOU FOREVER march to june 2022, blue period trial element | five-character gen dynamic, multimedia

what a... headache of a project. bit off more than i could chew without choking and decided to take even more bites each new chapter because why the hell not, apparently. i do appreciate how un-edited this fic is, despite it all. it feels the most bleeding-heart of all my fics from this past year or so, and it’s nice to look back at this and know exactly when i shifted my approach to it altogether because, again, why not. it’s such a valuable “why not?” to have. it’s nice when i don’t feel quite as… under surveillance? when writing a story. and i get to just go off the rails a bit. a lot, actually, with this one. it’s nothing crazy because i don’t think i can write anything crazy (though i think hairpin turns had blinks of it), but there’s definitely plenty of choices that i’m surprised i decided on with a sober mind. 

to be fair, they weren’t exactly mindblowingly successful. if i were to rate this fic out of five, despite all my fondness for it, i’d maybe give it a 2.75. it’s a well-earned mark, and i have a special soft spot for people who have read it, but i’m not mentally proud of it. emotionally so, maybe, in whatever way i can be, but if this fic didn’t feel so intimate with a much cozier readership and comment section, i’d be a lot crueler to it than i am, i think. as it is, it makes for wonderful conversation and reflection for me, and it’s always fun to consider how a story about a disbanded idol group became a metaphor for childhoods lost to growing up too fast and also involved alternate universes. 

but cycling through five povs really is too much, i think, and if it was exhausting for me to write then i imagine it was just as exhausting to read. a nicer alternative would have been to stick to one pov for each chapter, but even that was a lot to juggle considering there were also smaller dynamics going on in the background with each character. within the core group of five alone, there were thirty-one variations of scenes to write, including individual introspection and pairs — and that’s not to take into consideration trios, or groups of four or the whole five plus a secondary character, for example. i don’t know how i pulled off my usual character study here. i don’t know if i did. 

another thing about this fic is that i’m still not sure why a time loop didn’t work. i wanted it so badly to work. i thought it would be fun, but i guess time loops aren’t necessarily compatible with prose. there’s something about repetition and looping that’s best visually, but even if i had been able to stick to imagery and vibes, it would have gotten tedious at some point for me and a reader considering the quantity/length i tend to need. just something to keep in mind if i get the urge to keep trying time loops in future works and wonder why it’s not sticking seamlessly. as with a lot of things in life, if you have to force it then maybe it’s not meant to be there. or maybe you have to go shortform, narrow down the playing field?

one thing i’d commend this fic for is how it managed to unpack so much between dynamics that barely exist in canon. that, and how it managed to pack so many formats into one story — song lyrics, album reviews, tweets, a play, nonfiction, a profile, wikipedia pages, messages, i don’t even know how many more — while maintaining a semi-cohesive tone throughout. there was a lot of fun there, in figuring out how to adapt your typical characterizing to a format you haven’t tried before: how would kuwana write a preface to hashida’s book? would this particular character include rhymes in their song lyrics, or are they more of a diaristic stream of consciousness kind of lyricist? what medium best translates this character’s personality? what medium best conveys this dynamic’s under-the-skin knowing of each other? who sees more than the others, and how can i show that without using the same structure of two or three characters talking in a setting that doesn’t change? 

my favourite part is probably the fake album review at the top of chapter four? there’s something giddying about the research-like quality of figuring out how to perfect the tone that music reviewers tend to default to, but also sobering about how easily adapted this fake idol group’s history is from real life. the easiest part of the entire fic was making this group feel real to me, situated in the real life history of j-idols and beyond, even if i admit to shying away from being explicit about the worst things that would still have been grounded in reality. some references to real life idol incidents worked a little too well, but there was also how clean it felt to spin fictional lore for this group in that fake album review. from their individual songwriting styles to tobi’s own background in-story to the kind of themes and concepts a faux pretentious pitchfork reviewer might like to talk about — it was just incredibly fun. i don’t know when else i’d get the chance to write something like that. everything else paled in comparison to it soon after, though i do also tolerate whatever my writing was doing at the end of chapter five, even if some parts of that chapter also feel lacklustre through a hypercritical lens. it doesn’t hold up under extremely rigorous scrutiny, even if i consider the fact that i’d just wanted the fic wrapped up as soon as i could at the time. it could be better, more so than all the other fics in this post could be better. but i don’t mind too much that it isn’t better. i mind it a little. just a little. but its flawedness is also what forced the multimedia format to happen in the first place, and that, i like a lot.

there’s a fair amount that this fic did quite more than alright, i think. if nothing else, it was useful as a playground that i didn’t have to be too finicky about. it will be one of those projects i’ll look back at someday and laugh deliriously over because how did i think that was the only way to make it work, but with the facilities i had at the time, it’s definitely not a shitshow. it has a lot of heart — which doesn’t necessarily redeem awful works, but in passable ones, those parts of the writing meet each other halfway. please let me love you forever holds its own weight, which is plenty more than i can say for most of my other experiments. plus it contains a background relationship that is not at all the focus of the story yet will probably haunt me forever. it’s always the ones you least expect to matter that will ripple further down the line, etc.

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LOSER TAKES ALL july 2022, tomodachi game trial element | soulmates, mystery au

another unpublished little guy left to rot at one complete chapter. i don’t really have any huge problems with this one, just that i tired of its demands very quickly and didn’t have enough attachment to the dynamics in it to muster up any motivation for. but tomodachi game, and especially yuuichi and kei, are so uniquely positioned for a fic like this, and i don’t resent past me for approaching it this way at all. is a soulmate bond that fosters a telepathic link between people who come back from a brush with death kind of an unhinged premise for a mystery au? yes. but so is remodeling a breakfast restaurant with my mom and the guy i didn’t know confessed to me in high school and who is now literally displaced in more ways than one by said remodeling, and even also acting is all i know so here i am trying to find the love of my life by dating anyone for an entire month on a first come first serve basis only to be shocked when that doesn’t work. 

again. boring yet equally ridiculous elevator pitches. if i cemented anything for a fact from this abandoned wip, it’s that my premises have always been questionable, and that time and time again, the only path forward is to lean all the way into it — which i did with hairpin turns, thankfully. hand in unlovable hand and loser takes all are apart by about a year, and there’s palpable change here in my approach to worldbuilding even if i abandoned each for unrelated reasons. granted, i might just be better suited to one side of speculative fiction than the other, but that’s such a copout. when it comes to trying new things in writing, the “if he wanted to, he would” logic applies, even if the he in question ultimately finds that it doesn’t work the way he wants it to (like in hand in unlovable hand). 

loser takes all worked fine for me, and i loved the inherent intimacy in having two incredibly smart and perceptive characters in each other’s minds while trapped in this soulmate bond that isn’t necessarily romantic. not to mention yuuichi is a deeply unwell person, and his ways of showing attachment to kei range from drastically protective, such as offering to fire the receptionist that was rude to kei, to:

Sometimes, watching Kei asleep right against him, Yuuichi wants to press his lips against Kei’s pulse. To feel it warm and alive under his mouth, to hear that little sigh of ticklish laughter Kei does if someone so much as runs a soft cloth against his neck. 

And sometimes—sometimes Yuuichi is also seized by a strong thought, a strong urge, to sink something sharp into that pulse. His teeth, a fork, a shard of broken glass. Sink it in hard, deep enough to leave a bloody bruise, a scar, a puncture. Hard enough to maybe even sever that heartbeat, to tear it, slit it into silence somehow. Hard enough that it feels almost the kinder choice to imagine himself wrapping his hands around Kei’s neck—tightening them without hesitation, itself a mercy of a kind as the blood quickly drains out of Kei’s cheeks. Yuuichi imagines then how Kei will struggle, whether he’ll kick or bite Yuuichi, if he’ll reverse their positions with one twist of a martial arts trained body, or if he’ll just accept it, resign himself to it knowing that not even this, if it’s Yuuichi, could possibly be meaningless.

But it would be. It would be meaningless to kill Kei. Meaningless because Kei is singular in his position within Yuuichi’s life, loyal and intelligent and a force to be reckoned with like no one else is, not even Yuuichi’s sister, not even the only friend he trusts most. Meaningless because every time Yuuichi pictures it, every time he wonders if he’ll have it in him to press two killer’s hands around Kei’s neck, it doesn’t take long for the accompanying sting to come like a splash of boiling water on exposed skin. A kind of scolding, a kind of reminder, that just as much as it would be difficult for anyone to kill Kei—so impervious to physical harm, whose broken bones and bleeding wounds will always heal even if he jumps off a twenty-story building—it would be just as difficult for Yuuichi to do him harm and survive it without any damage done to his own heart at his own hands. 

the temptation to keep writing this is not entirely absent, to be honest. but a mystery takes care and attention, and i just don’t have that in me the way this story deserves. but this fic was delicious to write, and i think it gave me a hunger to write more dynamics that feel just as juicy. dynamics that aren’t necessarily geared towards healthy love, but ones that ooze if poked anyway. 

i definitely want to revisit the telepathy plot device i explored here someday, but for now, this fic, abandoned wip as it is, is kind of the goldilocks midpoint between failed venture (hand in unlovable hand), almost-passable venture (please let me love you forever), and basically there if being there counts taking your literal first baby step into a new frontier (days of brutalism and hairpin turns).

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HONORARY MENTIONS

i don’t mean to ignore the canonverse fics (here and where you are, i’ll give you something so real, detour, and the two manhwa fics, that is) out of favouritism, but i’m afraid there’s nothing much to say…? not that these weren’t lessons in themselves, but canonverse takes a quarter of the energy and brainpower to write, and i’ll be lying if i don’t go about them essentially all no thoughts, head empty. i talked a bit about here and where you are here, while the logic for detour, which i was happy to write for and based on exchanges with a friend, is pretty self-explanatory. i did love getting to write a character like loid (and i’m relieved that the chapters that follow the ones i took into consideration for that fic hold up the characterization i imagined for him) + it was interesting to give sexual content and the philosophy of desire or whatever a shot in i’ll give you something so real. they were effective at what i needed them to do — which is, really, just to check the temperature of the water. i always feel so rusty when any amount of time passes without me writing, and these small, low-maintenance fics work as a burst of ice cold water before jumping in. i don’t value these fics any less for their place in The Process, and i might even be extra happy when someone likes them, but as far as Advancing The Craft 🤢 goes, all of these are simply necessary bridges to get to the next checkpoint. sometimes you gotta scratch the tip of the pen before the ink starts bleeding like it’s supposed to. words are the same. it takes a while each time to get my writing to a place i recognize, and sometimes a while is an entire fic before i can write the next chapter for an ongoing multi-chaptered story.

(that said: shoutout to the particular flavour of introspection in detour, within which my favourite line was written the literal minute before i sent it off, and a big heart emoji for the fact that i’ll give you something so real unfolds in a span of barely half a day. both are very interesting to think about moving forward.)

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DAYS OF BRUTALISM AND HAIRPIN TURNS january 2023, blue lock trial element | a romantic triad, sci-fi, memory loss (finally!) 

my angel. my darling. my love. who is far from being perfect but is the closest i’ve had to at least being sure i won’t just wake up one day loathing the soul out of it. i’ll laugh at it, probably. i’ll think it’s hilarious and cringy someday soon. but it’s a work i can’t not appreciate wholeheartedly. 

my cc tells me that the first time i put it on record that i won’t mind doing a blue lock fic is may 16, 2022, and the fact that i didn’t even make it a year and did so in the most Hard To Pitch If This Was An Actual Novel And Not Just A Fic For Fun way possible is worth at least a salute of disbelief, i think. my journal from my writing hiatus also tells me i’ve been trying to make memory loss work since 2020 and managed to scratch the itch minutely with here and where you are (which is… a pretty janky piece of work, looking back now) — but i’m just really, really content, even proud, of how i managed to weave it into a fic adapted from a story about football battle royale. 

it’s almost kind of unnerving how satisfied i am with the premise of hairpin turns, even if the execution leaves quite a bit to be desired — as it always will, really, and therein is the joy of finding the next writing project. i laughed a lot at myself while writing hairpin turns, and of all the inside jokes that my works started as, this one is by far the fic to feel most like it — a fun little joke that got funnier and funnier the more of it i wrote, and so i wrote more, chasing that laughter until it was time to catch my breath. and i think with how much i require writing to feel urgent and single-minded to be fun, there’s a part of me that’s easily... bored, for lack of a better word, when something doesn’t give me that. without this fast-paced almost-violence, i get bored and restless, the way i was around all the projects i had lined up after please let me love you forever. i’m making a face as i type that but maybe i just mean to say that there were a good few months there where nothing scratched the itch in need of stimulation. i’d write scenes and they wouldn’t be awful, wouldn’t even be bad, but they weren’t exciting to me. they weren’t thrilling. they didn’t feel like i was dissecting anything, just poking at skin with a scalpel and rolling my eyes when i didn’t draw blood from a dead body — you know? 

but projects have an uncanny way of arriving in your life when you most need it, and just when i have peeled and replaced my wallpaper and assembled and reassembled my keyboards and poked at this manuscript i refuse to rewrite until i did a warm-up that felt substantial enough, the blue lock anime started airing. i knew vaguely what dynamics i wanted to write even back when i had only the manga, but i know i could not have tortured this fic out of me then. not before please let me love you forever, not before loser takes all, not even before all my failed attempts at pitching speculative fiction stories to myself at 3 AM and gritting my teeth at my own disgust. the best aus fall into your lap fully formed and fully realized before you even know what you’ll be shaping it into; they’re a little predestined that way, and aus might be why i owe fanfiction my certainty that the author is just as possessed by the narrative if the narrative has its own pace and direction. i think that’s logic that should be applicable to original projects as well. 

i did hesitate in the very beginning of hairpin turns because sci-fi was such a huge deviation from my comfort zone and i have the misfortune of being both a taurus sun and an enneagram type five. i’ve never tried writing proper sci-fi, not even a little, let alone enough to be comfortable with knowing where to start something that wasn’t merely regular slice of life with a slight sprinkling of specfic. i was sure my writing style wouldn’t be a good match for it. i still don’t think it’s a match, necessarily. my prose is a bit too sentimental for some of the demands sci-fi asked of me — and that’s fine. i wouldn’t know the precise nature of that incompatibility if i hadn’t jumped into the pool of sharks and came out of the tank somehow, disbelievingly, friends with them. i began wary of relying too much on technobabble since i’m not exactly the most stem-oriented person around, but even the background of this au wrote itself, half because blue lock was a shockingly perfect match for the world i had in my mind and half because i found that the technology i imagined for the plot was both possible and easy to break down into the narrative. even now i’m still shocked at how scientifically sound the core pitch of the story is, and the fact that it married itself well to both the overarching plot and the character dynamics i wanted to highlight was just icing on a cake i would have tried to politely finish anyway. 

it could very well be that hairpin turns is just a fluke, its parts too seamlessly glued to each other that i’m not sure it could have been anything else except luck doing the work there, but i think there’s also credit to be found in how nothing is sacred in blue lock. these are characters who have done ridiculous things and said ridiculous things, and it was a matter of matching their energy. therein is the same lesson from loser takes all: if i’ve always known that characters decide the pace, tone and atmosphere of the story and everything else in it, then doesn’t it also go to say that in order to write a story far out of my comfort zone, i need only start with characters far outside of my comfort zone?

i think with au fics in particular, a lot of the work begins with justifying why certain things are in character for them in this universe based on what we know from canon. but because those boundaries are expanded by what blue lock innately is, it doesn’t feel as weird to posit something like, what if you and your android bf get tasked with rescuing his older brother’s android bf and find out along the way that you might also both be in love with your childhood best friend? as with most other of my initial ideas, this quickly spiraled into something significantly different — which luckily for me included the memory loss idea that i’ve been wanting to explore for forever now. proper sci-fi was the perfect backdrop for it, and bachira the perfect person to willingly do it, and isagi and rin the perfect people to be left in the aftermath of that loss. stars aligned, truly. i’m incredibly grateful for it. 

whatever challenges i encountered writing this fic had nothing to do with writing it. it was as smooth to write as it was an absolute pain to edit, because the three povs are so vastly different from each other, and with no outline to mentally check each time i add a new scene, i was reliant on going back and forth again and again to make sure the worldbuilding is cohesive and the plot is coherent. at some point i couldn’t look at it anymore, and it might even be a testament to how much i appreciate the fic that i still can’t look at it now yet cannot deny how fond i am of the final result. 

with sci-fi in particular, it really is a case of faking it till you make it, and whatever lies don’t feed into each other, you can always revisit and adjust later. that’s the common sense magic of fiction, i suppose. there’s a degree of patience i held onto writing hairpin turns that i wouldn’t have had with any other previous work, and i think it benefited me more to have all three chapters written in varying increments, out of my usual linear order, than publishing it chapter by chapter. i had all the room to experiment — what does the world look like in 2070? is 2070 even the right year to set this in? is there anything big happening around that time period? how does the lingo change in the time between present and this potential future? when i run into things that feel too out of my depth to write, like isagi’s pov for instance, do i actually have a justification for saying no other than how it will be easier than trying? are there benefits to giving bachira the final chapter that i’m being biased against because i think it would be a challenge? and between all of these choices, how do i adapt existing blue lock canon, from their playstyles to the favourites listed in the egoist bible, to worldbuilding in other forms of media that i’ve always wanted to try a different approach to? 

i used to think it was unnecessary and superfluous to go into writing something while getting bogged down by stray facts about characters, in both fic and original projects, but at the same time, it’s truly the tiny details that will humanize more than knowing a character’s birthday or what traumatic events lie in their backstory. tiny details that breed more tiny details, until it’s about the fact that bachira and isagi are childhood friends in this au yet when we meet bachira again he’s calling isagi by last name, or how rin understandably questions the validity of his own humanness because we can only assume sae had recreated him in grief or defiance against mortality or whatever other emotion that we’ll never know for sure because we only ever see sae in this fic through rin, and that matters a lot more than if i gave sae a pov — and yet rin manages to love through the small things, in how the warehouse is in an eternal sunset waiting for bachira to return to him and isagi. it’s about how first love, late spring was about learning how to love someone else the way they need you to when you weren’t loved the way you needed to be, but hairpin turns is about how spending your whole life never questioning if you were loved can rob you of the facilities to put a name and shape to what you feel for someone who’s always been in your life. the things you don’t take for granted, necessarily, but you do love for granted by not calling it love.

hairpin turns is about the pieces obscured from view and all the more present because of it. it’s about lost memories, the phantom outline of a person like a haunting. it’s about how sae never once appears in a direct scene yet he looms over rin’s existence. it’s about how rin’s chapter represents the past, isagi’s the present and bachira’s the future, but time matters little in the end — how could it weigh any more, in a story about memory? it’s about the uneasy momentary peace that’s the only scene we can count on as a happy ending. it’s about the lengths you’ll go to get the chance to be ordinary about your love, even if all else about it is unconventional. 

and yet above all, what i like best about this fic is that it works towards questions that feel like being given answers. some of my other fics try to provide answers to its characters and the readers they resonate with, to give them a way to be well-equipped to move forward, while a few other fics settle on non-answers because uncertainty is the only ending there is. but hairpin turns moves outward only to ask more questions, questions that are the answers and the thesis, yet in a way that isn’t strictly open-ended. and i have no fucking clue how i managed it, but this feels like the target i’ve been itching to catch sight of this entire time. this is the kind of story and process i would like to aspire to this year, and even though it had taken me 80k to glean what i needed from it, i’m glad i stayed with this fic as a warm-up. 

anyway. this got a bit away from me, and who knows, maybe this level of pretentiousness is only because i’m still riding the high of affection for my most recent brainchild to make it to college — but i’m not totally blind to the flaws in hairpin turns. the execution of the ending itself is clunky, not because it doesn’t resolve anything but because it does, and by then, the post-rescue section has gone on for long enough that even an ending feels like an epilogue. the story overall lacks complete confidence in what it is, with some parts shadowed by a slight hovering hesitation and others weighed down by a heavy hand showing too much kindness to my non-confidence. it’s never too heavy-handed, and definitely not so much that i’ll send it to the bin, but enough that if i want something to pick apart, there are stray choices hiding in places that i’d circle as an editor for feeling too sentimental, or the tone too dissonant with the pacing, or, ironically, not explored enough. in the genre i’m used to writing, the adrenaline rush is in finding the right balance within a new choreography for a dance style i know well, but in my first real foray into speculative fiction, i think i was just trying to find my footing the whole time. i’m still surprised i made it to the other end of the tightrope, honestly. i didn’t expect to applaud myself for the bare minimum, and i still don’t. 

but all of this is a lesson for me, too. what i do know is that it’s interesting to tell a story about what’s missing, about the unsaid and the unseen, and if that’s what it will take for me to rediscover excitement in what i write so that i don’t have to sink back into the ennui of these last couple of months, then that’s a pretty darn fun goal to spend the rest of the year unpacking. 

[asklepiean]

I'm a Christian and have just finished my MA in Christian theology. However I have a love and fascination with reconstructionist Roman polytheism (RRP) but coming from my background the theological landscape of RRP (and reconstructionist paganism generally) can seem a bit barren when compared with the expansive and living theological tradition of Christianity (I think this is a barrier for many Christians), have you ever felt like this and what would your advice be to get passed it?

One thing that I think not a lot of people understand is that we can't compare a religion that has 2000+ (and still going) years and millions of followers worldwide with one that gradually disappeared after more or less 1000 years of "popularity" in a small scrap of land.

We don't have theological sources because a) people already knew how it worked and thought that it wasn't necessary to write about it (it happened a lot, and it's probably why we don't have extensive records of rites and prayers), b) those works didn't survive the trial of time, c) they weren't found and/or transcribed during the Middle Ages and later, d) there were so many different approaches that writing about all of them was pretty useless, limiting or simply impossible (our sources were written by wealthy citizens, we miss all the beliefs and interpretations of "middle class" and poor people, both Roman/Italic and provincial).

There's another thing to consider: Christianity works differently from Religio. Christianity and its branches have specific sets of beliefs and dogmas that help to create new debates and encourage scholars and clergy to think about new ways of thinking about and describing the divine. On the other hand, three cultores could have three (or more) different interpretations plus what their household's religious traditions were plus what philosophical approach they choose to adopt (if they were into philosophy), etc.

There are a lot of factors to consider when we discuss what ancient theology was and how could it worked because ancient religion was a matter of orthopraxy and relied more on rites than on personal beliefs. Being a cultor means doing certain rites in a certain way, and while people probably believed in something it wasn't that vital to know it, share it, or discuss it in on a scholarly level to create a codified corpus - or at least this is what we understand looking at ancient sources.

I don't think it's necessary to have a theological conversation because honestly, I don't trust pagans when they talk about it. I have many, many issues with pagan authors and I have no trust in the majority of those who write about it online (me included, I'm not a reliable source for theological speculations). It requires a lot of knowledge to talk about this matter and it's not something you can do after a couple of years of worship. We lack a codified corpus of ideas, we're not even sure that some of our Gods existed outside of grammar treatises or Church Fathers' commentaries.

I don't think we can properly discuss our Gods because we lost so much info, but this doesn't mean that we can't discuss our personal cultus and how we are trying to understand again how the divine exists in our reality. The only problem is that Religion became popular after centuries of oblivion and we don't know how to do things properly because we went 0 to 100 in too little time, and it shows (this is valid for other polytheistic traditions too).

Sometimes is hard to practice a religion that gives you zero clues about what people thought and believed, what stories shared during festivals, and how intellectuals talked about the Gods, but it's refreshing - it forces you to think a lot about what we know thanks to archaeology, literary criticism, and the rare new historical records. I don't know if I have any advice other than this: study what we have and appreciate what the ancients have passed down. It's a blessing we can read about it.

And to be honest, I like Religio Romana because we don't have theology.

(I don't know if this post makes sense. Also, I was thinking about theology this morning, so thank you for asking)

[echo84]

Fic writer review

I got tagged for the thing by @picnokinesis ! Yay!

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

Twenty eight. There are a fair few older fics that never made the transition though.

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

173,909 and counting

3. How many fandoms have you written for?

Loosely six fandoms on AO3 (bundling things like the various MCU properties together as one, for example). That would probably go up to eight or nine fandoms if you included stuff that didn’t make it onto AO3.

4. Top 5 fics by kudos?

My MCU stuff blows everything else completely out of the water, in kudos terms... 1. A.I.s and Lullabies (MCU) - 11,407 kudos. Aka, the Weirdly Popular Kidfic, this was as a meme fill that got out of control. This story makes an absolute mockery of the stats on every other story I’ve ever shared. Partly I think this was timing - I wrote this in the early days of the first “Avengers” movie, right when people were starting to really latch on to this whole “shared universe” concept.

2. A Digital Model of Mortality (MCU) - 1,368 kudos. Another impulse-written MCU story about Tony’s emotionally traumatised robot family. Clearly, I was not the only person who had a lot of feelings about robots.

3. The Healing Properties of Felt Tip Pens (MCU) - 1,041 kudos. I’m actually still a little bit pleased with how this one worked out. It was also a meme-fill, but Bruce and Steve turned out to have this gently fraternal dynamic that I just adored.

4. Jumping the Uncanny Valley (MCU) - 915 kudos. Even more Tony-and-his-robot-family feels... I really had a thing going there for a while! This one was responding to the loss of JARVIS and the arrival of Vision, and how messed up that made me (I mean Tony. Tony was the messed up one).

5. Build My Kingdom on a Fault Line (Sherlock) - 770 kudos. Finally, we make it out of the MCU! This one is substantially Mystrade (but written by me so it’s still extremely tame), with a whole backstory for them and everything. The Mystrade community may not be the major one in the fandom, but they’re very generous in their interactions.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

So much! I love talking to people about my head canons so much. If someone is brave enough to comment on something I wrote, you can bet I’m responding to them!

6. A fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hmm. Originally, it would have probably been AIs and Lullabies (MCU), but I got so much angst back from my readers about the original ending that I wrote an epilogue to make it less miserable in the end. (The readers were right, it worked much better with the hopeful ending than the genuinely miserable one). Now, it’s probably See What Remains (X-Men First Class), but that’s just because it was a fill-in-the-gap story set between the first and second movies, and the second movie started in a really sad place.

7. Do you write crossovers?

I don’t think I ever have. No particular reason, I’ve just never felt the urge?

8. Ever received hate on a fic?

Not outright hate, no. I got some very disapproving comments at the end of the penultimate chapter of AIs and Lullabies, but they forgave me post-epilogue (mostly)

9. Do you write smut?

Hard no. I don’t even read smut. It would be a disaster. Can you imagine? Urgh.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don’t think so? I’m not really precious about it though, so I’ve never really checked.

11. Ever had a fic translated?

Yes! Both Build My Kingdom on a Fault Line and A.I.s and Lullabies were translated into Chinese (independently, by different volunteer translators, both with my blessing). I have a feeling some of my shorter fics were as well, but I can’t remember which ones. I love my Chinese speaking readers!

12. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Am currently doing so, in fact! Not published yet, but soon!

13. All time fav ship?

All time? Oh geez... My ships come and go with the shows I’m obsessing about, so it’d have to be from a show that I’ve returned to over and over again I guess. That would probably make it either Julian/Jadzia (DS9) or Jack/Doctor (Doctor Who).

14. WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Not sure I have anything long enough to really count as a WIP that would fall into this category. I have lots of plot outlines 

15. Writing strengths?

One-on-one character dynamics, mostly as they relate to comfort scenarios, but occasionally to fluff. It my thing, and I have practiced it a lot!

16. Writing weaknesses?

Extended action scenes, and anything even smut-adjacent. Describing people physically doing complicated stuff is hard!

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

I mostly avoid it. If I do it at all, it needs to be plot relevant, and shouldn’t require a translation for the story to work. I dislike the pattern where someone speaks in another language, only to have the author editorialize in the translation.

18. First fandom you wrote for?

My earliest AO3 fic is for X-Men FC, but I was in loads of fic communities before AO3 existed. Earliest shared fic was probably for Stargate SG1 back in the mid 2000s, and earliest fic ever would have been (amusingly,) Doctor Who - an adventure for Romana and K9 that I wrote when I was eleven.

19. What’s your fav fic you’ve written so far?

My fav is normally whichever one I wrote most recently... But actually, it’s probably Build My Kingdom on a Fault Line. It actually managed a solid plot line, complete with mysteries and clues and plot twists and all, the character dynamics were complex but believable, and the resolution was so neat. If only it had been in a larger fandom....

I’m pretty sure most of the people I’d tag have already been tagged, and I hate to presume, but if you’re reading this and you want to play along then please imagine that I have tagged you!

[magicofthepen]

Gallifrey Relisten: Square One

I tend to not think about Square One too much (because I find it uncomfortable to listen to), so I appreciated @podofrassilon‘s thoughts — my reaction was a mix of hard agree, appreciating thoughtful commentary about moments and issues that I hadn’t specifically thought about, and enjoying hearing other people pick apart the good, interesting things in this episode! And now...some relisten thoughts:

(Includes specific mentions of The Apocalypse Element and Imperiatrix, also misc. mentions of series 2.)

I didn’t notice until now how long it is before Romana speaks at the High Council meeting after Hossak brings up Archetryx. It’s Romana’s Council meeting technically, and she usually does not have a problem with dominating the conversation, but Brax and Narvin both talk with Hossak first before Romana eventually says something. (Also Brax very much cuts in to stop Hossak from going on about the devastating impacts of Dalek atrocities. “Have left deep scars” indeed.) It’s a subtle thing, but it falls under the category of “how the early Gallifrey audios never forget about Etra Prime even when Romana very much Does Not talk about it for so long.”

“You’re a warrior, Leela.” “When it suits you.” — Leela’s not having your spin, Romana. Also I’ve seen other people comment on how Leela’s bodyguard position doesn’t actually involve much “bodyguarding,” and this fits a bit along those lines — an “alright, you definitely just send me to do whatever the heck you want and try to spin it in a flattering way so I’ll go along with it.” 

Yeah, I am very much in the camp of “don’t like the exotic dancer thing” — how that disguise is forced on Leela and she doesn’t consent to it at all, how she’s clearly uncomfortable from the beginning and also forced to put up with a lot of sexual harassment — it’s the main reason why this episode is one I have to sort of “grit my teeth and get through.” Also because whole subplot of sexual violence just makes me uncomfortable. It can feel gratuitous at times and like the series is trying to be ~edgy and I just don’t like it.

“Would it be irrational for me to ask you to wish me good luck?” Okay this bit is adorable.

Hossak spent “years with the Monans” rebuilding after Archetryx, which isn’t much of a time marker, but it is one of the few indications we have of how much time passed between The Apocalypse Element and now.

“These presidential TARDISes. No personality. So predictable, so by the book.” Romana, how many years did you spend complaining about the Doctor’s TARDIS and trying to get him to fly “by the book”?

Leela saying “we are friends” about Romana is so interesting because she is the one who’s better at saying it, but also it doesn’t feel as Emotionally Significant when she calls Romana a friend as when Romana eventually calls Leela a friend? There’s a difference in intensity of feelings behind it? Something something, I haven’t thought through the Concept of Friendship in Time Lord culture, but I do want to think about this more?

The concept of Romana deliberately organizing a conference she has to stay away from feels like she’s protecting herself post-Etra Prime (in addition to trying to actually get this treaty done), which makes it a bit hmm that she sends Leela to take that risk instead — except that as soon as she gets word from Leela that Something’s Up, she immediately heads over in spite of the potential danger.

Narvin shouting after Romana and Hossak is the first time he says Romana’s name sans title. I don’t think it’s particularly significant, obviously the big deal is Imperiatrix (aka the first time he says her name to her face), but thought I’d point it out. (I may or may not have taken note of every time Narvin uses Romana’s title vs. name in each episode of Gallifrey during one of my relistens because 1. Name Tropes are so my thing and 2. my memory is bad. Oops.)

“I’m sure it was closer than this” Romana’s had too much running in corridors for one episode.

“Can we go home now?” Ooh, a contrast with the previous episode — Leela is the one to call Gallifrey home and be ready to go back.

Thinking about the first Narvin scene in Weapon of Choice and how he wants Romana to respect him/the CIA, even if she doesn’t agree with him — this is definitely relevant to the end of Square One because she is definitely not respecting him here. (I’d never thought about this before as the Moment when he’s pushed towards Darkel, but yes I can so see it.)

I’ve never paid attention to where the last scene was set, but they’ve got to be in Leela’s rooms, right? Since Romana is the one who knocks? Just...filing that bit of info away. (Also Romana totally went “uhhh let me think of an excuse to knock on Leela’s door and hang out with her...‘making sure you got K9 back’ yep that works,’ right?)

Next Episode Reaction: The Inquiry

Previous Episode Reaction: Weapon of Choice

[inuykago]

lady friends?

inuyasha pride month 2020 ::

day 2 - lesbian + day 10 - kagome

thinkin of kagome and sango together makes my heart flutter. please accept this one shot I wrote for pride month ヽ(^◇^*)/

inspired by dailyau prompt:

I thought I just didn’t like relationships but turns out I’m actually super gay AU 

for reference! kagome inspo. sango inspo.

{kagsan. modern college au. 3,050 words. ff.net / ao3.}

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I hate college.

The classes are dragging, professors don’t care about study guides or reviews (do they want me to fail?), and, to top it all off, I’m alone.

Not that I can’t be by myself, but there’s friend groups here, friend groups there, a couple right next to me, and all of them look at me like, “Poor freshman, why doesn’t she have anybody?”

Well, everybody, I do have people! There’s Ayumi, Eri, and Yuka … but, I chose a different college than them…

Yeah, they all stuck together… B-But we still talk every day in our “Gal Pals 💕” group chat. Well, they do understand each other more than I do… since I’m out here by myself… but it’s fine.

I’m fine.

“Ms. Higurashi!” I snapped out of my thoughts, releasing my pen from my bite. Uh oh, did he notice I wasn’t paying attention?

“Y-Yes professor?”

The man crossed his arms as he gripped the smartboard marker, “Since it looks like you’re thinking so hard-” I really wasn’t “-can you name me some baroque-style paintings?”

“Of course,” I had to act confident. “Well, there’s the one painted by…” Shit, did we even learn a baroque painter? “Uh…”

Riiiinnnnggg!

“Hmm, saved by the bell,” he said.  

Thank God.

I rushed to close my pink laptop and carelessly dropped it into my yellow bookbag. I refused to give my professor a chance to pull me aside after class because (1) I know I’m not a bad student (so please don’t talk to me like I’m one) and (2) I may have a heart attack if he tries to say otherwise.

As I got up, something knocked me in the head.

“?????” is basically what I said to myself as I bent down to pick up the crumbled piece of paper. “Are we in middle school?” I rolled my eyes and straightened it out.

PARTY AT INUYASHA’S DORM-

“Oi!” a guy shouted as he and another ran up beside me. “S-Sorry, that wasn’t…. Uh…. meant for you.”

Of course it wasn’t.

“No worries,” I smiled, handing back the middle-school note. Honestly, me? Party? Yeah right.

“Say, this invitation doesn’t have to go to waste,” said the guy from behind. His short ponytail, bangs, and gold earrings distracted me for a second. “Hmm…,” he looked at me from head to toe. “Well, you’re just as pretty as the girl we were trying to give it to,” he gave me a smirk that made me uncomfortable. “See you there,” he threw his arm around me and squeezed me.

Should I elbow or kick him?

Well, he’s gone already. Perv.

Finally getting out of that classroom, I minded my business walking through the crowded hallway. I guess let me take another look at this oh-so wonderful invitation:

PARTY AT INUYASHA’S DORM

10 P.M., BRONISLAW HALL

PLEASE BRING LADY FRIENDS 😉

Yeah, I was right. He’s probably a perv.

The next day…

“How is it already 7 p.m.?” I rubbed my eyes, waking up from a long-needed nap.

Those two tests today really killed me, I guess. I’m just not cut out for history nor business marketing.

I sat up from my bed and looked at the empty other side of the room. My roommate never moved in. I don’t know if I should be happy or feel even more lonely??

“Ah well,” I shrugged.

I could see the sharpie-written note “PARTY AT INUYASHA’S” on my cluttered desk. “PLEASE BRING LADY FRIENDS” was ringing in my ear for whatever reason.

“Should I even go?” I asked myself. Well, when in doubt, turn to the Girls.

[ Groupchat: Gal Pals 💕 ]:

Ladies!!! I need help 😩

Ayumi 💛

Anything for my kags!!

Eri 💓

Spill!!

Yuka 💜

👀👀

Sooo I was kind of (???) invited

to this party on campus. Was told to bring lady friends.

Can any of my lady friends plsssss join me??

Eri 💓

Any cute boys?

Ayumi 💛

^^^^^^

Yuka 💜  

^^^^^^^^^^^^

Ehhhhhh, i don’t know. Probably??

Yuka 💜

I wish you told us sooner kags :/ … we’re going

to a party tonight too

Aahhh, no worries! It cant be helped.

Have fun gals, pls be safe 🥺 and

someone please keep an eye on eri…

you know how she is drunk 🙄

Ayumi 💛

You got it mom

Eri 💓

*rolling eyes gif*

😘😘

Well, there’s my answer to that, I guess.

(THE LAST FOUR HOURS BEFORE THE PARTY:1

7:37 P.M.

-- Kagome binging Maid Sama on Netflix, wrapped in a blanket, eating popcorn --

Yeah… I’m not going.

8:37 P.M.

-- Kagome watching The Notebook, crying, on her couch --

I [sniffle] just want [sigh] love.

9:37 P.M.

-- Kagome lip syncing to “I’ll Kill You” by Summer Walker ft. Jhene Aiko, wearing her rose gold beats --

🎶 Dooon’t, have me lookin’ foolish, dooon’t, have me lookin’ stuupid 🎶

10:37 P.M.

-- Kagome, bored, scrolling on Instagram --

Eh. Whatever, I’ll go.

END:1 )

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Ah, the smell of booze and desperate boys. So this is college life.

Inuyasha’s place was a four-man dorm. There had to be like 40 to 50 people here already, and I’ve never seen any of them before. Yay, Kagome.

The music was pounding and all I could see were guys on girls, girls on guys, and, the occasional, girl on girl action. I shoved my way through the sea of people, eventually getting some breathable room near the small table in the corner that had Hennessy, Tequila, and Bacardi Rum.

Well, if I’m choosing my poison, tequila and sprite it is.

“Keh, Tequila and sprite?” I turned around because who the hell was talking to me? “I like your taste.”

His fluff white, silver hair was one of the few things that stood out in the near-complete darkness. He sipped his (henny and coke?) drink and leaned on the table, eying me up and down. Is that all boys do?

"I’m Inuyasha,” he smirked, taking another sip and fixing his backwards red dad hat. “If you didn’t know that already.”

Why did I decide to come again?

“Thanks for the housewarming,” I mouthed sarcastically. “But the bathroom is calling my name so-” I nodded my head to the side and shuffled to anywhere but there. But before I could even move --

“Oi, you don’t wanna talk a bit? Get to know each other?” he put his hand on my wrist. Why do they keep thinking they can touch me?!

I ripped out of his light hold, “Sorry, not interested.”

“W-Why you--”

“Inuyasha!” great, reinforcements. “There you are, have you seen all these ladies?! I’m so h-” oh even better, it’s the Perv No. 1. “Ah! You came,” he nudged Perv No. 2. “I knew you wanted to see me again.”

“As if,” I rolled my eyes. “Now, unless you want me to urinate on your floor,” I raised my glass and gave a sarcastic smile. Jeez, I really wasn’t wrong about the desperate boys.

The two bozos stepped in my way again as if I wasn’t cornered already (think: lap dances to my right; twerking to my left; beer pong behind me). And this is why I prefer my books and Netflix.

“If you think I find this flattering,” I raised my brow, sipping my drink. “I don’t.”

“Feisty,” Inuyasha nodded his head and Perv No. 1 did that weird smile again.

Should I kick them? I should kick them.

Before I could Inuyasha began to lean in, “Yeah alright, woman, suuure you will.”

“LEAVE MY GIRLFRIEND ALONE, YOU DICKS”

Eh?

“Ah, shit, Sango,” Inuyasha awkwardly scratched his neck. “You got a girlfriend already? Jeez woman.”

Perv No. 1’s mouth practically dropped to the floor, “W-What??? This goddess has a girlfriend??” he hung his head in disappointment. God bless this “Sango” chick. “Inuyasha, why didn’t you tell me?? SHE was the one I was trying to invite but then--” he eyed me in disappoint “--well we got her.”

“Excuse me?” Men.

“I got it, sweetie,” she winked and rubbed my cheek. God, why is my heart pounding? “I see either of you talk to her again and I’m ripping lil’ tweedledee and tweedledum off of you, ‘kay?”

She held my hand. Is my palm sweaty? A-Am I doing this right??

Inuyasha rolled his eyes, snatched his drink, and dragged Perv No. 1 away, whose mouth was still on the ground, “Whatever. C’mon, Miroku, the night ain’t over yet.”

“T-Thanks for saving me,” wow, she’s kinda cute.

She smiled and squeezed my hand. I didn’t mind this at all… but why is that?

“Of course, us girls gotta look out for each other, right?”

I felt myself get warm, and frankly I wasn’t sure if it was the tequila or because I was blushing. For the first time ever, I didn’t know what to say. Like, I was afraid of saying something weird and creeping her out… why is that?

“I hate guys,” she tightened her thick ponytail. “They think they’re so big and tough.”

“R-Right?!” we both laughed, and I could feel myself getting giggly. Was it the alcohol? Yeah, Kagome, of course it is.

She made herself a drink: rum and coke. She took a sip and I found myself staring at her, jeez I have to say something before I creep her out--

“So, where’s your friends?”

I snapped out of my thoughts, “Oh, they couldn’t make it… Kinda chose to come here last minute.”

She shifted her weight onto one leg, whew I really like her outfit. “Came to a back-to-school college party by yourself?” she nodded in approval. “I was wrong, you do have guts,” she sipped her drink, her lip gloss staining the red cup. “I like that.”

Uh oh, there goes my heart again. Think, Kagome, say something, be cute. Be cute. “I’m Kagome by the way.” Really, that’s it?

“Sango,” she held out her cup and I met it with mine. We both laughed again.

When our giggles died down it looked like a light bulb turned on inside her head. “Let’s go have fun!” she threw down her drink and interlocked her hand with one of mine.

?!?!??!?!??!!?! is what I yelled in my head and, sweet Jesus, there goes my heart. I shouldn’t have watched The Notebook earlier.

Sango dragged me and I couldn’t stop the fuzzy feeling. We were inside of the makeshift dance floor -- how can anyone enjoy this body heat?! -- and she just started going.

“La Romana” by Bad Bunny made the house speakers -- and just about everyone, including Sango -- jump. Her body was moving to the beats as she shouted the lyrics into the air.

I was trying to let my body loose like her, but sheesh I couldn’t keep up!

🎶 PASAME LA HOOKAH, EH! 🎶

She chugged the rest of her drink and so did I. I think I need more liquid confidence.

Four drinks later…

“Are you having fun?!” Sango yelled in my ear, laying her hand on my back, trying to bring me closer. I may be a bit drunk at this point, but I know I can feel my heart pounding again.

“Yes!!” I giggled into her ear, moving my hips to the fast beat. I don’t even know what song is playing, but my body is going with it.

🎶 IF THEM BITCHES ‘ROUND YOU, BETTER BE BLOOOD

IF AIN’T ME OR YOUR MAMA, SHOULDN’T BE SHOWIN’ YOU LOVEE

PLEASE FORGIVE ME, I KNOOOW THAT I’M STINGY 🎶

“IS THIS?!-” my eyes widened in excitement, the song still in the background.

“SUMMER WALKER?!” Sango pushed her face near mine. If I wasn’t so excited about the song I’d probably be fainting right now.

“AND JHENE AIKO??” we exclaimed in unison.

We both immediately closed our eyes and put our hands to our chests, literally singing our hearts out to “I’ll Kill You,” aka my favorite song.

For the first time at the party, I felt like myself. My hopeless-romantic-who-couldn’t-sing-but-adores-r&b self. I don’t know if it’s the fifth cup of tequila and sprite, the Goddess Summer Walker, or Sango looking so dang attractive that’s making me feel bubbly, but I just… let loose.

🗣I BEEN WAITING SO LONG FOR A LOOOOVE LIKE THIS

I BEEN WAITING SO LONG FOR A LOOOOOVE LIKE THIS

“Ka-go-me!” Sango shouted as she smiled at me, nodding her head in approval.

I want to serenade her… Yes, Kagome, let’s serenade her.  

🗣FUCK THAT MY BABY YOU ALLL MINE

GREATEST OF ALL TIME

YOU BETTER TELL THEM HOES, “FALL IN LINE”

I DO NOT PLAY ABOUT MINE

My voice is as angelic as Jhene right now. My arms -- with my near-empty sixth drink -- are wrapped around Sango’s neck and she’s smiling so big; I don’t know how my arms ended up here, but I… don’t want to let go.

I should keep going. Yes, keep going.

🎶I WANT YOU FOR LIIIFFFEEEE

DOOONTT, HAVE ME LOOKIN’ FOOLISH

DOOOONTT, HAVE ME FEELIN’ STUPID

Sango ran her fingers through my hair and just kept on giggling. “Okay, Ms. Jhene, let’s get out of here.”

“W-What?!” I let go of my grip. “W-Why are we l-leaving?” my words felt like it wasn’t coming fast enough out of my mouth. “T-The party j-justed start-ted!” I went for a last sip but she grabbed it so fast from my hand.

“H-Hey!” I tried to snatch it back but she was too damn fast. She’s lucky she’s cute.

Sango put down the cup on the corner table. She moved a piece of hair out of my face, “You’re suuuuuper drunk.” She laughed at me, making me even more flustered.

“I-I am n-not!”

“Do you realize how slurred your words are right now?” They are not. “Come on,” she lightly grabbed my hand. “Time for bed, princess.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I don’t know how I ended up back in my dorm room, but I did. And I don’t remember even falling asleep, but I did.

I slowly opened my eyes and just felt the room spinning. Jeez, I’m such a lightweight.

I held my head as I rose up; it was still dark outside and my wall lights were still shining a bright pink. Water… I need water.

“Woah, woah!” Sango said as she rushed to the ride of my bed with a glass of water. She has to be heaven-sent.

“Wow, it’s like you read my mind,” I laughed, taking the cup from her hand. “Thank you.”

She smiled as she pulled out my desk chair beside the bed, “Of course.” But then she looked at me and started laughing.

“What’s so funny?!” I nervously asked. What did I do? I hope I wasn’t too drunk because then I start… singing…

“You don’t remember what happened an hour ago?” I looked at her blankly. “At Inuyasha’s?”

“Ehhh,” I put my finger to my chin, thinking rather hard. “You saved me from the two Pervs, didn’t you?”

She giggled with her eyes closed, revealing her pink eyeshadow. I love that.

“Let me refresh your memory,” I don’t like where this was going.

🗣FUCK THAT MY BABY YOU ALLL MINE

GREATEST OF ALL TIME

YOU BETTER TELL THEM HOES, “FALL IN LINE”

I DO NOT PLAY ABOUT MINE

“No…”

“Yes.”

“...N-No…”

“Yes!” she chuckled, holding her stomach while I covered my face.

“I-I’m soooo sorry!” Jesus, she definitely thinks I’m weird now. “When I’m drunk I think I sound like Jhene Aiko… she’s just too powerful...”

“Yeah, I see that,” she pretended to wipe tears from her eyes. “But oh please, don’t apologize. It was so cute.”

“C-Cute?!” I accidentally yelled out loud. I immediately covered my mouth.

“Yeah, you’re so adorable,” Sango smiled. “When I saw you at the party today, I knew I wanted to talk to you. So I just went up to you and then I saw douchebag Inuyasha and his little henchman… It was only natural for me to chase them away,” she shrugged.

She knows she got it. I like that.

“Thank God you stepped in. I was really about to kick those guys in the hoohas.”

“The hoohas?” She just kept on laughing. I loved seeing her smile, whew. “You’re so cute.”

We both continued giggling because, let’s face it, I have no idea what I’m doing, saying, or hell, what I’m feeling.

“So, no friends with you tonight,” I shook my head. “How about your boyfriend?”

I shyly smiled, “Nope, don’t have one of those either… Never did.”

“Really?” Sango’s eyebrow propped upwards. “Same here.”

“What? No way!” I tried calling her out.  

Sango giggled, “How can I when girls like you are so pretty?” Oh God, did my heart just stop working? “Ah, wait, that was weird,” she scratched her neck, chuckling nervously. “Now I feel like a Perv like Inuyasha and Miroku.”

“No,” I protested. “Not at all.”

Sango looked like she felt she crossed a line. She really didn’t. In fact, she helped me realize something.

“It looks like you’re sobering up now,” she smirked. “I’ll get out of your hair. Thanks for partying with me tonight,” she blew me a flirty-but-i’m-trying-to-not-be-an-obvious-flirt kiss as she got up.

“Wait!” I didn’t want her to go. “Can you actually… stay with me? I’m here by myself, and I really like being with you.”

Sango looked at me relieved, “Of course.”

I moved more towards the wall to motion her to lay next to me. She kept looking at me and I knew my cheeks were already red, so I tried to look away. Her weight slightly pressed the bed down, but we fit. Perfectly.

I began to think back to my past “relationships” with Hojo, Koga, and Bankotsu. None of them ever worked out for me because I hated it. I hated relationships. I hate cuddling, the affection, the over-protection. But now I know, it was because I wasn’t with the right person.

“Sango?” I turned my body towards her.

“Yes, princess?” she smiled sarcastically.

I giggled, I couldn’t let this opportunity fly by me. I’m going to go for it.

I leaned in 100% for the kiss. Her lips were so soft that I realized her lip gloss was already all gone. I felt her kiss me back and honestly? fireworks. I never felt like this before.

She smiled mid-smooch, “So you do have guts.”

[thebraxiatelcollection]

Finished the Alternate Universe cycle from the Virgin New Adventures and thought I’d share my thoughts with you all - what a fun set of stories! (Spoilers ahead!)

Bloodheat by Jim Mortimore-5/5 After a run of perfectly serviceable titles, we suddenly erupt into a proper story-arc (for the first time since the original set of NAs) and this first entry is a cracker, positing an alternate universe in which the Silurians apparently unleashed a world-changing virus as a result of the Third Doctor's actions in the original series (although this explanation is rather skimmed over.) There are a couple of wonderfully chilling moments near the start, especially the entry of Jo Grant into the story, and the slow build-up of tension until the war erupts. Alas, the plot structure lets itself down badly at times, notably in the excursion to London that turns out to be merely cover for a different mission just feels wrong, and the utterly ludicrous way Benny gets out of the impossible doomed submarine scenario near the end. But otherwise, everyone is mostly true to character, although this time it is the changed Brigadier and Liz Smith who get to dominate proceedings which they do most effectively. And there's no doubting the excitement of the action sequences. They genuinely do meet that brief of doing things that could never be done on tv (even in NuWho!) whilst barely sacrificing plausibility. Overall then, this is a fine entry in the series. Dimension Riders by Daniel Blythe- 2/5 Not sure how to rate this one. It was okay? Didn’t hate it, didn’t love it. It was slow to start with as it usually is with most vnas but then I started reading my PDF format of the book on my computer and kept swapping between that and the physical copy and it made things easier to read. I didn’t understand the purpose for the villains the Garvond or why the doctor helped to create them. Epsilon Delta was fun to read in some aspects but again felt like Daniel was trying to hard for them to be the master. Once i got going, i ended up finishing it quickly. This isn’t essential on the list of reads. Poor writing and at times Ace and The doctor felt out of character. The Left-Hand Hummingbird by Kate Orman - 5/5 There is a LOT of trigger warnings to go with this book should you wish to read it. TW include: Drug abuse, suicide, body horror and PTSD.  Before I read this, I’d heard a lot of impressive reviews and positive thoughts around it. Therefore, as I always am with fan-favourites, I was reluctant to read, thinking that I would be underwhelmed. I’m very happy to say that I was wrong - the action, the myths, the fantastic character of Cristian. It reminded me of an Aztec, Doctor Who version of something like the DaVinci Code.   Fascinating and complex story. It gets a tad confusing at bits for me, especially with the Aztec god names and Kate manages to create such a wonderful and desperate situation where you truly don’t know what’s going to happen next and you’re wondering how they’re going to get out alive. Also, I love Kate Orman writing for Benny in this. She knows Benny absolutely. 

Conundrum by Steve Lyons- 4/5

I've always enjoyed Steve Lyons stories and he wrote one of my favourite Gallfirey stories so I had high expectations for his novel. It didn't disappoint. Doctor Who is known for breaking the fourth wall and doing wild, whacky ideas and this really did it. It was clever, witty and all about stories within stories which I loved. I got to say, Ace did grind my gears in this one and there were times I felt like hitting her on the head a little, especially to tell her to leave Benny alone but otherwise great stuff :) I love the breaking of the fourth wall. Total Doctor who story!

No Future by Paul Cornell- 4/5

A good romp of a novel! Featuring one of Doctor who's least favourite monsters the Vardans and the conclusion of the alternative reality arc featuring the meddling monk and Artemis! I loved the Benny teaming up with the Brigadier and Benton and Mike Yates and I love how she joined a punk band which is a very Benny thing to do. Also, Romana and the Doctor meeting David Bowie? Paul Cornell, you can't leave us hanging like that! Danny pain got on my nerves a bit, and where he was a razor blade necklace around his neck was stupid af so I was glad he didn't feature too heavily. Also, Ace surprised me in many ways and I glad we got to see her grow towards the end and stray from her terrible attitude from before. But still, Ace pissed me off quite a bit in this book which normally I do love Ace but the way she treated Benny even if it was all part of being undercover was a no go for me.

On top of that, he delivers a genuine character-based story. We finally meet the antagonist who has (theoretically) been behind the whole recent story arc, and even though most fans will have guessed that it was the Meddling Monk, one of the first other Time Lords encountered in the original series, there is room to explore his character properly, and for us to almost sympathise with him (unlike "Epsilon Delta" from The Dimension Riders, who was merely a plot device.) And Bernice (who Cornell originally created) gets her own fifteen minutes of fame too. But this story is all about Ace. And it delivers in spades. Like a good whodunnit, all the clues are hidden in plain sight, so that when the showdown finally takes place, it all works even though it still seems properly surprising. And she gets proper closure to the story that Cornell himself started back in Love and War.

[peterstanslizzie]

Re-watching Lizzie Mcguire: Episode 1.23 (Last Year’s Model)

“You like me, you really like me”. She didn’t say this but I feel this is the perfect description for this picture lol

- The Mcguire family’s got mail! Besides the generic ones like bills, Matt receives a letter that contains a $50 gift certificate from his grandma, Gammy Mcguire for his birthday. 

- But she seemed to forget when Matt’s birthday is because she had already gifted him his present 7 months ago. I still would like to see Gammy actually appear on-screen and interact with her family. But we are never going to get that I’m afraid. 

- As for Lizzie, she asks her mom if she could participate in a fashion show organised by ‘Teen Attitude’ magazine. If she’s chosen by them, she will receive $500 worth of merchandise. I would definitely want to do that fashion show just for the perks. Her mom seems to be on board as long as she does her homework and stops picking on Matt.

Lizzie says sure but we all know that she’s not going to do one of the two promises lol

Lizzie The Runway Model

Remember when fashion shows back then were all fun and joyful and the models always used to spin around? Nowadays, most models just look so miserable.

- Gordo seems to be on-board with the whole modeling thing for Lizzie, mostly because of the $500. Isn’t he the type of person who views modeling as superficial? I also wonder why Miranda wasn’t interested in trying out for the fashion show?

- Mr. Dig, their substitute teacher suddenly interrupts their conversation and went off on a tangent by talking about the time he gave advice to a model by the name of Colette Romana, whose face was broken when an elephant sat on her face in Nairobi.....okayyy

Mr. Dig is really odd but I do appreciate his honesty with the kids when it comes to life lessons 

- Next, we move on to the ‘Styling’ and Sassy’ fashion show! Lizzie’s parents, her friends and even Kate Sanders plus Ethan Craft are in the audience. Can I just say that Lizzie totally rocked the runway!? She really fits the typical girl-next-door look the fashion show was trying to showcase and not to mention, I love the fact that an S Club 7 song (Everybody Wants Ya) is playing in the background too!

Work that twirl girlfriend!

- Kate is clearly jealous that she couldn’t do the fashion show because she had to go to a funeral. Wow Kate, way to hit a new low this time. But I must say; Kate would’ve have been great for this because she certainly has the height for the runway. 

Everybody Is Acting Weird Around Lizzie

- After the fashion show, Lizzie tells her friends that she was asked to do another fashion show due to her amazing performance. Gordo then makes a joke with her, reminding her to not forget about them when she becomes famous and all of a sudden, Lizzie forgets his name when addressing him...umm what? Hope she wasn’t kidding when she did that.

- After that, we see this girl who sat with Kate and Ethan in the fashion show approach Lizzie and invites her to her dad’s clubhouse to hang out in the hot tub and watch the new Backstreet Boys DVD. This show is definitely old lmao!

Okay, this girl’s name is Jessica. I had to fast forward to figure that out.

- Lizzie hesitates to say yes because she already made plans with Gordo and Miranda to watch a movie but turns out, both her friends are very eager to join Lizzie at the country club and hang out with the popular kids. Even Gordo!

- We are then taken to the clubhouse and our trio is seen chilling in the hot tub. Gordo is mostly enjoying the free food being served. I can definitely relate to him. What’s surprising me right now is how Kate’s acting all cool and friendly in front of Lizzie.

What a sudden change in attitude! She’s now acting as if Lizzie is a legit celebrity, which she isn’t. I don’t get it.

- It’s not just with Kate; Miranda is also acting different around Lizzie. She offers to bring a drink over to Lizzie and basically recites the entire drinks menu. She’s acting like Lizzie’s personal assistant. But wow, Miranda actually seems to have a great memory when it comes to listing things out. 

- Back at the hot tub, Gordo is talking to Jessica and tells her he has videos of Lizzie that he has shot for his short films/documentaries. He offers to come over to her house to show her some of them to which she says yes, as long as he brings Lizzie along. 

Why is Gordo the only one wearing shades? It’s either he has sensitive eyes or he just wants to look cool, which isn’t something Gordo would do

- And just like that, Lizzie is going to watch videos at Jessica’s on Sunday night without agreeing to it. On top of that, she’s apparently going dancing at the ‘Shango Tango’ on Saturday night with them as well. Basically, they want to use Lizzie’s status as a model to grant them access to these places. She did one fashion show and they’re acting like she’s Gigi Hadid or whatever lol

Lizzie’s Famous Now

- At school, everyone is just staring at Lizzie everywhere she goes. Even Kate goes up to her and compliments her outfit and accessories. 

“My earrings match my eyes?”. This line is definitely memorable to me. 

- Plus, it seems like the tables have turned because Lizzie and Ethan have literally switched characters. When Lizzie is talking to him about an English test they just took, he’s acting like the old Lizzie when she’s around him; all awkward and fidgety. 

- Lizzie notices all of this and tells her friends how everyone is acting so different around her. Miranda and Gordo doesn’t view this as a negative; They like the fact that people are noticing them now and inviting them to all sorts of special events/parties. 

- After running away from the other students who were all just staring at her still, Lizzie hides in a room where Mr. Dig is and he then takes a picture of Lizzie to have it signed so he can sell it to his nephew...and niece. Well, putting that aside, Lizzie rants to her teacher how everyone and even her best friends are treating her differently nowadays since the fashion show. 

- Mr. Dig suggests to Lizzie that she should treat them like how a celeb diva would and treat them like dirt. This is to remind them that they are her friends and not her posse. 

Lizzie Brings Out Her Inner Diva

- Gordo and Miranda arrive at Lizzie’s house and Lizzie commences “Operating Superstar Brat” by acting like a total diva towards her friends. She’s even dressed up like one from head to toe. 

Even worse, Gordo and Miranda follow her orders and starts to bark like dogs, albeit their execution was a little sloppy lol.

- Soon after, Lizzie drops her act and tells her friends that they have changed. They clearly realise this and promise to Lizzie that things will go back to normal and they won’t act like her posse anymore. But the problem is, everyone else is still treating her differently. And this is the solution she came up with:

To act like a complete and utter fool on the runway. 

- I have to give props to Lizzie for having the courage to dress up like this and act this way in front of an audience. But if I were her, I wouldn’t want to give up a modeling contract with a popular magazine just because people are acting differently around me. I mean, I would at least give it more time to see if the situation would improve. Most of all, I wouldn’t want to embarrass myself publicly like how Lizzie did here. 

- Also, she didn’t have to include this dumb confrontation between her and Miranda. It just wasn’t necessary.

Y’all didn’t need to fight. The fashion show was already ruined when Lizzie started scratching her butt lol

B-Plot: Matt Goes Shopping

- Sam and Jo brings Matt and Lanny to the hardware/electronics store to shop for things he can get with the $50 gift certificate. Lanny gravitates towards the massage chair but it’s way too expensive. We then get a montage of the boys and Matt’s parents trying out different products at the store to the song, ‘Shopping’ by the Pet Shop Boys. It’s a pretty catchy song if you ask me. 

My favorite part of the montage is when they reference back to the Austin Powers’ villains, Dr. Evil and Mini-Me 

- Matt spots a hammock priced at $75 and he thinks it’s perfect for him. Even though it costs $25 more, Lanny is able to cover the rest because he’s earning money from his website. My question is, what kind of content is in Lanny’s website anyways?

- Back in the Mcguires’ backyard, Matt and Lanny are busy assembling the hammock they just bought but unfortunately for them, they got less than stellar results:

Exhibit A

- They are back at the store again and they want to return the hammock and get a refund. However, the store clerk, who is being a total prick tells them that they can’t get a refund on sale items. Okay fine but he needs to watch his tone when talking to customers. And he even called Sam an ‘old timer’. The disrespect! Sheeesh!

And the award for worst customer service goes to...

- Sam leaves behind Matt and Lanny to talk to the manager and afterwards, we see the two boys doing the absolute right thing by playing a prank on the useless employee who is walking on the treadmill. They proceed to tape his hands onto both handles and increase the speed on the treadmill. I’m not the one to agree with pranking others but this guy really deserved it.

Overall Thoughts

- This is yet again, a very entertaining episode. I love how the story was very Lizzie-centric this time and it did not disappoint. I mean, it was a little outrageous how EVERYONE was acting and treating Lizzie like a total A-lister after appearing in one fashion show. It’s like they assumed that everybody reads ‘Teen Attitude’ magazine.

- It kinda got me to think that maybe after the events of The Lizzie Mcguire Movie, I would assume that everyone at school would treat her similarly because she did perform a hit song in front of millions of people in Italy, which I’m sure it caught the attention of US mainstream media.

- Besides that, the soundtrack of this episode was incredible! I had to look up the songs on YouTube because they were so catchy. Lastly, Matt’s storyline was pretty insignificant in this episode and it didn’t really provide me with anything besides some physical comedy.

[thedesperatehousehusband]

Oscar. 92 years young.

It’s time for the BIG ONE. The one we’ve been waiting for all season. The Academy Awards. The 92nd Oscars. The whole awards “season” culminates with tis slog of a night. Let’s see how this works without a host. It’s the second time they’ve done it and I didn’t hate it last year.

The show kicked off with a performance from Janelle Monae singing about “It’s Time to Come Alive”. I don’t know what the song was about it but I love her and her queer, African American self. Billy Porter made an appearance. He’s been strutting it allllll these shows. He looked batshit at the Grammy’s but tonight he looks normal, for him.

Steve Martin and Chris Rock DID NOT CARE. When people don’t give a shit, I love it. The Director category is missing vaginas. There were no black nominees in 1929. There’s one in 2020. Progress. Good shit. Eddie Murphy’s under the stage. Oooooh. They DO NOT CARE.

Regina King is butter. She looks amazing. Of course and as expected, Brad Pitt wins Best Supporting Actor for Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. He’s won 100% of all the awards all season so this is the icing on the cake. Nice speech. I love him. I love this movie.

I love Mindy Kaling’s dress. She looks outstanding. Of course and as expected, Toy Story 4 wins Best Animated Feature. It really was incredible. Buzz & Woody are legends and now we can include Forky in that list of animated legends.

Josh Gad…..Idina Menzel. Pronounced just like it’s spelled. Take that, John Dumb-Ass Travolta. And that was kick ass. I totally loved the international take on Into the Unknown from Frozen 2.

Why, Diane Keaton, why? Isn’t it done with the whole Annie Hall thing? But the banter with Keanu Reeves was really quite funny. HOLY SHIT BALLS!!! Parasite wins Best Original Screenplay. Is this a sign of things to come?? I REALLY thought Once Upon a Time in Hollywood was going to clean up tonight. But maybe not. Is it going to be a Parasite night??????

What is Timothee Chalamet wearing? Is that a tracksuit? At the Oscars? Dude. What are you doing? I know you’re all fashion-y and shit but I’m not into it. Taika Waititi wins for Best Adapted Screenplay for Jojo Rabbit. A movie which I simply loved and adored. It made me laugh and cry.

Maya Rudolph and Kristen Wiig decided to go with the craziest thing they could find at the store. At least they’re funny. Because they look nuts. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood wins for Production Design. And that makes sense to me. It really looked amazing.

Loved the a cappella medley of clothes songs for Maya and Kristen to sing in advance of Best Costumes. Little Women wins. At least it won something because that’s likely going to be it. Normally the winner looks out of his/her mind when they walk on the stage. This woman looked downright sane.

What is this song that Chrissy Metz is singing? I have no idea what it is but she sounds really good.

I would like to thank Mark Ruffalo for just wearing a goddamn tux and looking fucking fantastic in it.

I absolutely hate Laura Dern’s dress but I love me some Laura Dern. She’s cleaned up all season so cap it off with the Oscar, why don’t ya? Of course and as expected. I don’t know why but it makes me teary-eyed EVERY time Laura Dern thanks Diane Ladd and Bruce Dern. I just love it that she thanks her parents and references them as her acting inspiration each time she collects an award.

Ummmmm. What is HAPPENING?? Eminem didn’t show when we WON the damn Oscar for writing this song but he gon show up for a fucking montage??? What is HAPPENING???? I love this. Every fucking thing on the stage right now is unbelievable. THE AUDIENCE IS STANDING UP. THE ENTIRE AUDIENCE INCLUDING MARTIN SCORSESE IS STANDING UP. Eminem, motherfuckers.

Sound Editing goes to Ford vs. Ferrari. I’m unclear on what sound editing is.

Sound Mixing goes to 1917. I’m unclear on what sound mixing is.

Jesus Christ. Randy Newman is starting to look really fucking old. He still sounds like Randy Newman though, so I guess that’s good.

Thank you for Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Will Ferrell for making some jokes. 1917 wins Best Cinematography. I’m going to remind you how little I care about 1917. In my shallow and small mind, it’s just basically Saving Private Ryan in World War I. That’s probably over-simplified but that’s what I get from previews.

Best Editing goes to Ford vs. Ferrari. I can dig it with all the car scenes. Thank GAWD it didn’t go to The Irishman. Because that movie wasn’t edited because it was 400 hours long. It was TOO fucking much.

Zazie Beetz looks AMAZING. Her dress is killer.

Cynthia Erivo is an amazing singer. She’s not going to win Best Actress so her only chance at the EGOT is Best Original Song. I’m not particularly feeling this song but strange things have happened.

Rebel Wilson and James Corden dressed up as cats from Cats. They don’t care. 1917 wins Best Visual Effects. Who cares?

I love that Ray Romana got bleeped. I do love when people get bleeped. Bombshell wins for Hair & Makeup. Which makes sense. John Lithgow isn’t exactly an overly attractive person but making him look like Roger Ailes, who is more or less the earthly embodiment of Jabba the Hutt, is worthy of an award.

Why is it now Best International Feature Film as opposed to Foreign Language Film? Of course and as expected, Parasite wins Best International Feature Film or Foreign Language Film. I guess that Bong Joon-Ho really likes the name change and what it symbolizes.

I know this is terribly un-LGBTQ of me but I just don’t care about Elton John and this song isn’t good.

Ummmmmm. Sigourney Weaver looks INCREDIBLE. If she’s had work done, it’s both discrete and expensive. It’s a testament when you stand next to people like Brie Larson and Gal Gadot and hold your own at nearly 70. Get it done, Sigourney.

Love this Icelandic woman winning Best Score for Joker. Love, love, love, love. There’s more than Bjork in Iceland. Great speech.

Elton John wins for Best Original Song and I don’t care.

OH SNAP. Bong Joon Ho wins Best Director for Parasite. Y’all, it’s looking good for Parasite. Solid, solid speech as delivered by this translator who DID NOT step it up for the Oscars. Still just a smart suit. I was hoping for more, girl.

I want so hard to get Billie Eilish. And I just don’t. But I always enjoy the In Memoriam. Kirk Douglas, 103 years old.

Olivia Colman must have got a deal on all that velvet. Ooooof. But, dammit, she’s hilarious. Of course and as expected, Joaquin Phoenix wins for Joker. He’s not right. His speech was insane. Art imitates life……

Of course and as expected, Renee Zellweger wins Best Actress for Judy. This Texas accent has been present this whole awards season. I don’t get it and I don’t know why. Her speech isn’t meaningful at all. It’s just names. Blah. Well, now, we’re trying to make it meaningful but I’m not sure it’s working.

Let’s stand up for Jane Fonda, shall we? She’s a fucking movie star. She looks REMARKABLE. Don’t get me wrong. She’s 81 years old and has been sliced and diced every which way but loose but still….she looks bananas amazing. Best Picture, y’all. What’s it gonna be???? The anticipation is palpable!!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnddddddddddddddd the Oscar goes to: PARASITE!!!! I mean at this point it’s no surprise. First non-English movie ever to win Best Picture. I’m into it. I love it. The speeches are wonderful. I loved that Tom Hanks and Charlize were all like…Bring the light back up. Let them speak!

Peace out, Oscars. It’s time for bed.

[dreameater1988]

On Sunday evening, I came home from TimeLash. If you don’t know what it is, you should definitely look it up because it’s a wonderful event for Doctor Who fans. It’s a small DW convention in the middle of Germany that has been running for four years now and is becoming more and more international which is proof of how amazing it is. Once again, I had a wonderful time and I’m already looking forward to next year. Because it’s a rather small convention, it doesn’t feel like a mass event and it’s so easy to meet and talk to people and just talk about the one thing we all have in common, which is our love for DW. I had a great time meeting fellow fans and cosplayers and the atmosphere was very lovely and homely - like it always is.

I think this might have been the first year I actually witnessed the opening ceremony because my hotel was just around the corner where they introduced all of the guests, for example: Sylvester McCoy, Sophie Aldred, Katy Manning, Anneke Wills, William Russell, Richard Franklin, John Levene, Terry Molloy (with Monty), Fady Elsayed and many more.

My first point on the list was my photo op with Katy Manning and I think it was also my favourite part. In my opinion, Katy was the queen of the whole weekend. Those of you who’ve met her will know what I’m talking about, but for those of you who haven’t, let me paint a quick picture: Instead of waiting for the fans to join her in front of the photo backdrop, Katy made a point of approaching every single fan in the queue and leading them towards the photo point. She greeted every single one of us with a long hug and exchanged a few words with us before having the photo taken. She is such a warm, lovely, charming person and she has an energy that is almost contagious and you could tell that she was present with all her heart and enjoying the event just as much as the fans were. I’ve met a couple of DW actors by now and every single one of them was lovely, but Katy made sure that everyone knew she appreciates her fans. I didn’t attend the star dinner in the eveing, but my friend told me that she “complained” to Katy that everyone had received a hug except for her and then she received a hug as well. That meeting with Katy really started my weekend in the best possible way.

Next on my list was my photo op with Sylvester McCoy which, sadly, was delayed for an hour. I’m not sure why, but it didn’t really matter to me because I had a moment to check out the merchandise area upstairs and I was in line next to a bunch of very cool people to have a conversation with. The good thing about Time Lash is that it’s very well organised and they’ll make sure you don’t miss your photo. It’s one of the few cons that isn’t just out to get your money. They will make sure you’re having a lovely time and will do everything in their power so you get what you came for (be it a certain photo or an autograph).

Another great thing is the autograph area. Of course, there are queues, but due to the limited number of people, you’ll always have a chance to chat for a moment. Here’s a photo of Sam while she’s getting her copy of The Time Machine signed.

I was also amazed they managed to get William Russell, the very first companion and they did a screening/panel of An Unearthly Child in the afternoon. Sadly, I didn’t get to see any panels on Saturday, but luckily, they’ll get most of their stars on the stage twice.

However, we took a moment to take some cosplay photos and goof around.

On Sunday, we were there quite early and caught the first two panels about the German DW podcast and DW in Germany (which, I think, were some of the few panels actually in German) while slowly waking up and I got to hold Sonny the fish for Sam (if you’ve read the DW comics, look him up in School of Death).

I also spontaneously decided to get another photo op with Sophie Aldred (because photo tickets are really quite cheap compared to the big cons). She was also very lovely and told me my costume looked cute while I thanked her for coming to Germany.

On Sunday, I caught the panel I was most eager to watch, which was the companion panel of Anneke Wills (Polly), Katy Manning (Jo) and Sophie Aldred (Ace). Once again, Katy owned that panel in my opinion because she took a moment to talk about the environment and our use of plastic and the crowd was cheering. She was so passionate about it and I think it’s utterly important for people in her position to use her position as a role model and talk about things that really matter instead of only answering questions about the work she did in the 70s. Thank you for your inspried speech, Katy!

When we eventually moved back to the topic of DW and we were allowed to ask questions, I wanted to know what they thought was the scariest monster their character ever encountered and all of them agreed on the Cybermen. Sophie, however, told a long story about how the Cybermen they had were played by models and how they modelled their cyber crotches, so the answer took quite a funny turn. 

Just like last year, Sam and I had decided to enter the cosplay contest, so we took another moment to practice and get ready for our two minutes on stage. I know lots of fellow contestants were nervous, but I just love the fact that I can entertain people by making a fool of myself in public, so luckily for me, stage fright is something I let go during theatre class at school. I genuinely had a blast acting out our little sketch and we will definitely do it again next year (but as Four and Romana). Also, big thanks to everyone who approached us afterwards! We were so glad you enjoyed our little performance!

After the contest, we stuck around for a while longer, but it was impossible to get a seat in the panel area when Sylvester McCoy and Sophie Aldred were on. I didn’t mind that much because I had already seen a panel with him two years ago, so we mainly walked around the con and had an occasional chat with people here and there as the crowd slowly thinned.

The weekend was way too short in my opinion, but I enjoyed every second of it and I’m already looking forward to next year, curious what they’ll put together for their 5th anniversary! Still, the highlight for me was the wonderful Katy Manning who didn’t just make sure we had a wonderful time while at the event, but also made a point of replying to many, many Twitter posts (including two of my own). I really had a wonderful time.

[themjinterviews-blog]

22. Bitches, I like 'em brainless...guns, I like 'em stainless.

Are you better at telling stories or writing them? Writing them. I actually would venture to say I dislike verbally telling stories…too many variables outside my control…I could be interrupted, fumble over words, accidentally leave a part out, miss an opportunity to include a witty remark.

Name a band that you can’t decide whether you like them or not. Post Malone…sometimes I think I like him but he’s such an odd looking fellow I have a hard time pinning his face to his voice.

What’s one song you hate, but know every word to? The Daisy sour cream commercial.

Can you clap on beat and sing at the same time? Not for an extended period of time. I lose it.

Are you going to be or do you want to be a big star someday? Definitely not. I want to live a relatively quiet existence without being crippled by materialistic impulses or bombarded by fame.

Have you ever heard of the band Pax Romana? I have not.

Do you know the difference between an addiction and an obsession? I mean, they’re both mental fixations in a way but they’re not totally synonymous.

What one place do you absolutely have to go to/visit this summer? The NY Reconnaissance Faire. My sister and I always go every summer.

Are you already going to that place or still need to work out the details? …we ALWAYS go. Just have to wait and see what weekend.

What would be a clever name for a pet porcupine? Quillzilla?

Would you ever even consider keeping a porcupine as a pet? Nooo. I don’t want to get quill’d like Chance from Homeward Bound!

What’s one word that annoys you when people use it out of context? None spring to mind.

What fast food restaurant(s) can you absolutely not stand? They’re all about the same. I like most food.

Have you created any surveys that have been taken more than 1000 times? I highly doubt it. I don’t have a very large following/internet presence.

What’s your favorite magazine? I don’t read any because it’s 2019 and that’s what people’s stupid Facebook feeds are for.

Are there any holidays you feel are pointless, and if so which one(s)? Technically, all of them? But they’re opportunities to gather with friends and family to celebrate some common theme and I think society needs that shit to function.

If you could be an animal for one day, which animal would you choose? Squirrel. I have a well-documented fondness for squirrels…I even follow Squirrel Instagrams.

What band, musical artist, or song do you feel you’ll never get sick of? More than I can count… Muse, Volbeat, Chevelle, Marshmello, Chainsmokers, Eminem, Dashboard Confessional, Lindsey Stirling…

Have you ever wanted to be in the circus? No. I’d rather not be raped by the Tilt-a-Whirl operator, thanks.

Is it cool or annoying when someone blends two languages (I.e. spanglish)? No, be my guest. Speak Parseltounge for all I care.

Do people care as much about celebrity couples a the media thinks they do? I’m sure, for whatever reason, that some people seriously do. I don’t get it, but who am I to judge? I sit around on Adderall and answer surveys about myself.

Is it annoying when people use cliches when talking to or giving you advice? Ehhhh, it’s not they’re fault they’re basic.

What tv show(s) do you miss watching as a little kid? Lots. Of course, old school Nickelodeon, Gilmore Girls, Whose Line Is It Anyway?, Cheers, The Croc Hunter.

If you could visit any other planet, what would be your first choice? If outer space happened to be exactly like how it’s portrayed in The Orville, I'd go. Pretty sure it’s not, though.

Does it annoy you when people say, write, or type “dat” instead of “that”? It’s of no concern to me if other people defy the laws of proper english. I use it sometimes in sarcastic contexts.

Type some of the lyrics to the song currently stuck in your head. Nothing is stuck in my head.

Do you think college parties are overrated? As a 30 year old, yeah, totally overrated in retrospect. In my college days, they were usually okay or entertaining on some level. & If I got invited to one right this second, for whatever reason, I would still probably stop by for a warm keg beer.

Does it annoy you when people say “omg” or “idk” in a normal conversation? No. It amuses me.

Are you the type of person who’s always asking questions or answering them? In real life or surveys? I guess about 50/50?

Are you good with analogies? *toot toot* That was me, tooting my own horn, analogies are my jam. I essentially communicate almost entirely in analogies. Helps tie thoughts and concepts together.

Do you think Twitter is getting too much hype or does it live up to it? I don’t have Twitter, never got into the concept.

In your opinion, what’s the most boring job or position a person can hold? Subjectively, anything that involves math or being cooped up in an office doing math. I’d imagine being a Walmart greeter is also pretty boring.

Do you prefer outdoor or indoor concerts/events? I like the whole outdoor all-day summer festival ones.

Which fast food/sit down restaurant to you live closest to? None and all of them simultaneously. I live on the road in a semi-truck..

Do you think athletes and actors get paid too much money? Probably. While yes, I think it’s absurdly excessive I also think it’d somehow detract from the elite-ness of the profession if they made $12.50 + 1 week paid vacation and company health coverage. They would seem just like us, negating their appeal, because we use celebrity lives to escape our own. This is definitely society’s fault.

Do you know anybody who doesn’t like chicken? Vegans/vegetarians?

Who’s one person that can always make you happy without even trying? Depends.

What was the last thing you got out of the fridge? Krispy Kreme donuts.

Have you ever heard a song parody that was better than the original? Probably. I love parodies.

Would you rather hear a lie to make you happy or the truth that hurts? Literally doesn’t matter. There’s no definitive way to know how true anything ever is. As humans, our narratives and perceptions are so prone to logically fallacies and undetectable biases that it'd be silly to assume certainty.

What is your least favorite color? I'm incapable of disliking a color. I doodle all the time and there honestly isn’t a color I’m just like “ewww” about.

Is it really possible for one girl or guy to “make your dreams come true”? I’d hope not. When I actually *do* dream at night, they’re always bizarre, scattered sagas of pure randomness. Better off staying dreams, I think.

What did you honestly think of this survey? A little too much garlic salt but it'd pair great with a robust pinot noir!

[gondalsqueen]

Wait, wait!  Obi-Wan Kenobi:   In a society ruled by law, we think there are rules. We think laws protect us. They don’t. Brute force can be physical (what the Inquisitors literally do) or it can be political (Vader’s carte blanche to do absolutely anything he wants to anyone without political repercussion). Poor people in out-of-the-way places (like Tatooine and Mapuzo) will sometimes be punished by the legal system, but seldom if ever protected by it.  Also: “ You want him to like you, so you repeat what he says even though you don’t really know what it means.” And this is how nasty but charismatic demagogues get their power. They’re rich and powerful. If I repeat what they say, some of that might rub off on me. Since we’re talking about whether or not it’s necessary to be polite to droids, let’s throw in how easy it is to dismiss the humanity of others when: 1) you’re in power and it therefore benefits you to do so, and 2) you’re told that it’s fine.  Also: “All I do is wave.” “Then do more than wave.”

Rogue One:  The danger of overlooking tyranny that “couldn’t affect me.” Saw is an insurgent who uses terrorist tactics. No wonder Jedha’s a target, it’s easy to say. Civilian casualties are sometimes inevitable to take down a terrorist. It’s really Saw’s fault for staying there. Sure that can happen in Jedha; it’s a dangerous place. So sad. It couldn’t happen HERE though. (How easy it is to assume that absolute power will only go after “bad guys” and that deaths are justified deaths.) (Within a week, Alderaan is gone at the push of a button, and there’s no time left for outrage.)  The danger of failing to act in order to bide your time and see what happens because it’s easy to see the cost of acting now and hard to see the cost of failing to act (Rebel Alliance, I’m looking at you). (Climate change, anybody?)  No science is pure science, detached from the world. Scientists don’t have the luxury of doing their work and staying out of politics. Others (if not they) are always ready to politicize that work.  Episode 5/ESB:  I really do want to go back to “war is always political” because the bulk of this movie is about the fighting. Two things that always struck me, aside from that:   Vader’s insistence that all he’s trying to do is bring order to the galaxy, his insistence that a pax romana is a good and necessary thing--this is the first time we see that motivation and it informs allll of the politics of the original trilogy.  LANDO. Man, when I was a kid, I thought Lando had betrayed Han and Leia to save his mining operation. Turns out he literally did not have a choice. Vader was going to come in there and do whatever he wanted anyway. Lando was not bargaining from a position of power. He was not bargaining at all. He was just trying to protect his people (including Han and Leia and Chewie and the whole city) as best he could. Understanding the position Lando was in as a leader helped me move beyond black and white “good guys always do good things and never do bad things” thinking when looking at real-life leaders. And on that note:  “I am altering the deal. Pray I do not alter it further.” You guys really don’t read the news and then use this line to summarize what’s going on in the world?  Episode 6/RoTJ:  The Empire using someone else’s land as a staging area for building its superweapon... I’m pretty sure colonization is a political issue.  The Mandalorian: This entire show is about questioning blind adherence. First, Din takes a bounty on a target that ends up being just a child. He has to defy a pretty powerful remnant goverment (and its private sector contractors) in order to do the right thing. Gradually, he discovers that his group of Mandalorians is extremist and that “the way” of protecting people (the spirit of the law) is more important than “the way” of keeping your helmet on at all times (the letter of the law). Next up: Who will lead Mandalore? All of this is politically relevant.   The Book of Boba Fett:  We could talk about exploitation of the Tuskens and their land, but I’m tired now, so let’s keep it simple:  Can you rule as a crime lord without instilling fear? Can you rule by law with an eye to justice and not worry so much about punishment? (I would argue no, but the show disagrees with me.) 

I always giggle at people going "UGH STAR WARS IS GETTING TOO POLITICAL!!"

like,

Sweet summer child.

It's literally called Star Wars.

War...is a political issue lmao

[ouidamforeman]

5, 7, 9, 11 and 21 for all three pairings within Romana/Leela/Narvin, and also for the OT3 as a whole please!

Oh sweet Jesus. That’s a lot. Okay.5)Favorite canon moment with them?I’m going to have a MASSIVELY hard time choosing favorite moments because literally everything these people do is perfect so I’m just going to list the first ones I think of that I really like -Romana/Leela: All of Spirit????? Does that count????? I’m also super passionate about “There will always be a place for you here with me, whatever face I wear.”-Romana/Narvin: when he calls her magnificent in a voice choked with emotion -Narvin/Leela: a really underrated early moment between them is in The Inquiry when he’s holding back information about Andred and I can’t think of any reason he’d be doing that besides genuine concern for her feelings. I’m pretty sure it’s the first time in the series you ever hear him speak somewhat gently to someone too so that’s pretty impressive. Also I still don’t feel like we talk about her being his exotic dancer enough, like that’s fucking hilarious and I think about it all the time.-Ot3: Idk why but the first fuckin thing I thought of is how in series 5 when Romana knows Leela is too mad to talk to her so she just. Sends Narvin instead and Narvin has to reason with her. No idea if that counts as shippy but holy lord it’s funny to me.7)Favorite headcanon trope/idea?-Romana/Leela: I like the idea that they go on secret vacations together all the time. Romana definitely took Leela to Paris once.-Romana/Narvin: I just made this up on the spot but I think the idea of him being literally incapable of not calling her “Madam” 80% of the time is pretty hilarious -Narvin/Leela: We were just talking about this in the chat yesterday so it’s fresh in my mind, but hc that he’s obsessed with the color of her hair, as in he thinks it’s beautiful and nice to look at but he can’t FUCKING think of what color to describe it as and it pisses him off. Romana was like “It’s reddish-brown, Narvin.” but THAT WAS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM and he spent ages trying to think of a precise color word for it like a nerd. One day he thinks of the exact right word and he yells it out suddenly in the middle of an important meeting and then runs to go tell Leela about what color her hair is. She says thank you.-Ot3: Romana and Leela call Narvin REALLY STUPID pet names because it annoys him, including variations on “black and white pet dinosaur”9)Favorite aspect of them/their relationship dynamics?-Romana/Leela: Just that they’re so married????? They kind of automatically started the series married didn’t they. And they’re such badasses.-Romana/Narvin: the fact that Narvin is so destructively loyal to Romana is just. Yeah.-Narvin/Leela: they try SO FUCKING HARD to hate each other but you can tell they’re TOTALLY into each other despite it. Also the fact that they have so many incredibly tender and gentle moments despite how much they enjoy verbally tearing each other to shreds on a regular basis. Plus them being attracted to each other makes absolutely zero sense on paper yet here we are and it’s AMAZING.-Ot3: Just that they all love each other so much, I like having an ot3 that can be shipped any which way and still be totally plausible and make sense. They’re all so different but they care about each other anyway. The fact that Leela and Romana are like the only people Narvin gives a damn about, or that Leela has a set of immortal aliens who’d do anything for her. It’s great. Let them all get married Big Finish.11)If they aren’t a canon pairing, how would you get them together?These stupid ships are about half a step away from being explicitly canon anyway but -Romana/Leela: I’d have Leela kiss Romana tbh, probably because Romana was saying something stupid and angsty about being unlovable. Well Leela loves you, dummy.-Romana/Narvin: Narvin needs to spit it out and tell Romana he loves her because I don’t think Romana believes it at the moment. It’d be something like “Dammit Romana I love you” but imagine it in Narvin’s loudest, angriest voice.-Narvin/Leela: Jesus Christ these two are the WORST. At this point I think they just need to have a sudden mutual love confession in the middle of an action sequence followed by a long passionate kiss, and then they need to escape the drama of everything and go have a rest for a bit. And they get married eventually, I don’t know how or when but that definitely happens. Just get it over with for god’s sake.-Ot3: some combination of the above. They all escape from the Time War and then peacefully run a bed and breakfast together on Earth and they’re happy. I don’t make the rules. (This bed and breakfast AU is something we regularly talk about in the group chat for some reason so at this point it’s like the go-to thing. Ace is usually there too, she’s their kid.)21)Favorite genre for them?I don’t actually read a huge amount of fic, but-Leela/Romana: Fluff is good, I also really like good gen stuff with them because I just like how they interact in canon.-Romana/Narvin: Angst because this ship is torture -Narvin/Leela: I will read Narvin/Leela fluff forever until the day I die. They’re also the only Gallifrey pairing I’ve ever read anything remotely smutty about, so. Yeah. Most of the fic I read is about these two idiots.-Ot3: AUs!!!!!! I am trash for Gallifrey AUs. I haven’t really read many but I like imagining them and I’d like to find more I enjoy reading.

[magicofthepen]

Gallifrey Relisten: Weapon of Choice

Surprise surprise, I absolutely had to relisten to Weapon of Choice and Square One after listening to @podofrassilon. And I realized that a year-and-change ago when I first listened to Gallifrey, I didn’t post many thoughts and reactions to the early episodes (and I’m pretty sure the first time I did an episode-by-episode reaction was for Time War 2). So since I have not done enough rambling on the Internet about specific Gallifrey episodes I’m gonna do some relisten thoughts! (Also this whole thing feels super timely given that this week Weapon of Choice can be downloaded for free and series 1-4 are on sale! *end shameless plug*) 

(Includes mentions of/references to Neverland, Zagreus, Spirit, Renaissance, Desperate Measures, and general references to Narvin, Romana, and Leela’s character arcs/characterization throughout the series.) 

Oh, Weapon of Choice. I do love this one very much, especially as a first episode — it is doing so much character/world/plot establishment work and doing it so well! (And there are always many aww look at where they started emotions on every relisten.)

I know “above apoplexy but below incandescence” has been talked about a hundred times, but I’m gonna add my personal experience anyways: the first time I listened to Gallifrey, I....wasn’t very into the opening scene with all the Temporal Powers representatives. My reaction was pretty much: I can tell there’s a plot being set up but I’m not interested in these characters? I was kinda bored, I wasn’t paying that much attention.

“Above apoplexy but below incandescence” was when I started paying attention. 

Narvin does some really interesting alternating between sounding polite-but-insincere and sounding genuinely angry/frustrated in this opening scene. And his moments of anger are always when Romana’s criticizing the CIA specifically. He is very defensive of His Agency, it very much seems like he knows he and Romana don’t agree on many things, but he wants her to at least respect the CIA.

Narvin trying to be all “we don’t need to talk about Project Alpha, it’s not that relevant” in front of Romana — possibly he doesn’t want her to distrust him/the CIA anymore than she already does post-Neverland? (No, I’m not hiding things, I’m just not going to mention them, thank you Brax....)

There are two similar-but-different layers to Leela wanting to join the outsiders — she’s trying to find a community (people she can live with who will like and respect her) but also a purpose, and the second bit has me wondering — what did Leela do on Gallifrey during her marriage with Andred? The rest of her life experiences (getting banished from her tribe, running away to travel with the Doctor, *gestures vaguely at all of Gallifrey*) are super intense and chaotic and also a lot about trying to do what she thinks is right — what did she get up to during those decades? Did she have a job of some kind (and people tolerated her because she was married to a guard and then kicked her out)? This is the Romana-and-E-space time gap all over again, I want the stories!

Romana may be bad at using her words re: friendship, but she is so much the one reaching out to Leela again and again in these early episodes ahhh. Please come help with this mission, please be my bodyguard, etc. etc. (leading ultimately to the most iconic episode of please stay that is Spirit). She definitely struggles with friendship in plenty of ways, but the fact that Leela is so lonely and adrift and Romana is the one to genuinely offer that community and purpose to her, offer Leela a home....it’s very good.

“Go to Madam President Romana.” It is always very jarring to hear Leela use Romana’s title, and I think usually it’s when she’s angry with Romana? So this feels different, it’s just a “I don’t know her that well yet” moment.

“We’re not monsters, Leela.” Wow the difference between their first interactions in Zagreus and now is incredible — specifically how Romana goes from “aloof, don’t care at all about you or your opinions” to “I care a lot what you think of me” (and how you can hear the rapid evolution of Romana’s Leela-related feelings through Zagreus...also very good. I realize this is not a Zagreus post, but hey.)

“Don’t you ever knock?” Listen. Listen. Every time my heart is <3333 at the parallel between Romana’s absolute venom at Narvin here and her warm affection when she chastises Narvin for not knocking in Desperate Measures....it’s such a small thing but every time I’m like, they’re gonna go so far!!

“On first name terms with the Time Lord president” The Name Thing, yes. Leela as the only one who almost always just calls her Romana, the only one who doesn’t interact with Romana as The President first.

“Of course, we shall observe a proper period of mourning first. You think I have no respect?” Hhhhhh the moment when Narvin’s like “Oh Romana’s going to probably get herself killed? What a shame.” is. A whole experience on every relisten. My dude, you have no idea what’s coming.

“You offer up yourself to die?” “You’re the suicide bomber Nepenthe. Why act so surprised? We are all of us willing to die to defend our beliefs.” / “If you know why I have taken this course, Time Lord, you will know why I must refuse.” “I do. That’s the trouble with being a martyr. We don’t back down, do we?” Another key “establishing character” moment. This whole scene is setting up Romana as someone who has a reckless disregard for her own life at best and is looking for something to die for at worst — and this, of course, is something that will come up again, and again, and again; she has better days and worse ones, but this never goes away.

Narvin is calling an investigation into the Gryben incident, while the crisis is still happening. Sir.

“Wisdom. Beauty. Wit. Will I ever find another like you?” “No.” Romana, I love you.

“Leela, we’re going home.” “Home? To Gallifrey?” “Where else?” Leela is so strongly in the camp of “home is not a place” and she genuinely is without a home right now, but Romana’s offer here - this is when Leela starts the (very messy) road to finding one again. (Also thinking way ahead to “Gallifrey is not my home” as Leela’s choosing to run off with Romana, ahem.) 

Final thought — a reflection on my first listen of Weapon of Choice. I had done the whole “watch Romana and Leela Classic Who episodes, listen to Apocalypse Element/Neverland/Zagreus (and all of the Eight + Charley arc up to that point)” thing to prep for Gallifrey, but I actually almost stopped there. The endgame of all that watching/listening was supposed to be “listening to Gallifrey” but the other audios (especially for Romana) were so dark and bleak and “we’re going to hurt this character repeatedly” that I became super wary of Gallifrey! (Especially after I accidentally got really attached to TV!Romana.) But I still did the thing anyways, obviously, and Weapon of Choice was such a relief — oh yes, there can be funny moments! Oh yes, the characters can be clever and save the day! Obviously things get Worse starting next series, but really I did need the first series as kind of a palate cleanser to convince me that yes, I did like these audios, yes, they have a different Vibe than the others I’d listened to, and yes, I did want to keep going.

Next Episode Reaction: Square One